Was I In A Cult? - The BDSM Kink Scene PT1: “Don’t Yuck My Yum”

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

***Head to squarespace.com/INACULT to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code INACULT.*** Content Warning: This episode discusses sex and adult themes.  Amelia King spent over a decade immersed in the UK’s BDSM scene, an underground world of role play, power dynamics, and boundaries—both pushed and broken. In this candid conversation, Amelia sheds light on how what began as playful exploration became a subculture steeped in manipulation, exploitation, and troubling parallels to cult-like behavior. From “munches” to “play partners,” she shares the layers of the scene’s allure, hierarchy, and darker truths. This is the first of a two-part series delving into Amelia’s story. Next week, we’ll explore the deeper, more sinister aspects of this subculture. ____ Donate to CUDDLY today! Head to cuddly.com/CULT and help make a difference! ____ Follow us on Instagram/TikTok/FB: @wasiinacult   Have your own story? Email us: [e-mail]  Please support Was I In A Cult? Through Patreon (we appreciate the hell out of you guys): patreon.com/wasiinacult   Merch is here! wasiinacult.com 

The views, information or opinions expressed by the guest appearing on this episode solely belong to the guest and do not represent or reflect the views or positions of the hosts, the show, podcast one, this network or any of their respective affiliates. Please note this episode discusses sex, so listen appropriately. Not one for the kiddos in the car, probably. Not one for the kiddos in the car, probably. I think I've had sort of lingering doubts about the kinksing for a few years. And it's just built up over time. And then there's sort of like a crunch point where you get the opportunity to leave. And it's almost like leaving like a bad employer or something like that. You don't realize how bad it is until you're fully out the situation and you're like, Oh my God. Welcome to Was I in a Cult? I'm Liz Iacuzzi. And me, I'm Tyler Meesom.

And this is a show that gives voices to those who are in cults or cultic environments, which brings us to today's episode. Okay, we had today's guest write us all the way from across the pond, the UK, and she wrote us this. I've recently left the kink scene after almost a decade of being in this subculture slash cult. Long story short, the BDSM subculture is little more than a front for abuse and exploitation. There's a lot of parallels with regular, whatever they are, cults.

The party line you have to believe, the softening slash blurring of boundaries until you accept quote normal things you regularly would not. The love bombing, the hierarchy of membership, the sexual exploitation, The Hierarchy of Membership, The Sexual Exploitation, and The Hiding of Abuse. The email, of course, goes on, but I just wanted to share that with you guys to set the stage here a bit. Right. And some people listening might be like, well, that's not a cult. Or but they all signed up for that. Or it's a subculture, not a cult. But that made us think, what's the line?

culture, not a cult. But that made us think, what's the line? Where does it go from a group of like-minded people doing like-minded and kooky things into the C-word territory? CULT? No, there's cults. And so we invited today's guest on our show to investigate just that. After all, she reached out to us a show called Was I in a Cult? So today we will explore this together. With some bad accents and probably some bad sex jokes. Our guest is a wonderfully funny, smart, and forthcoming human being. When you're somebody who's into group sex, being forthcoming can be a good thing.

Nice Rob, very nice. Very nice. So let's all lube up, I mean buckle up and go on this journey with today's guests to continue to expand our knowledge and definition of what it means to be in a cult. I'm Amelia King and I was involved in the UK kink scene for roughly 12 years. What initially attracted me to the subculture is I'd been drawn to sort of BDSM from a younger age. I don't know if you remember a magazine called Bizarre, but it was a popular magazine in the 90s and that would have like some people in latex

and it was just a very attractive aesthetic. And looking back as well, I think I had quite a lot of anger towards males in my life, like men in my life. So I didn't consciously acknowledge that at the time, but I think that was also a driving force. I'd been a bit of a hedonistic type in my younger years as well. So I'd been a bit of a hedonistic type

in my younger years as well. So I'd been involved in like the rave scene and the party scene. And it just felt like another sort of environment that could be quite hedonistic and fun. How did you get initially introduced to the kink scene? I initially experimented with some swinging and that was an ex-partner.

And that wasn't really my cup of tea. It's really varied. I would say the swing culture is more hedonistic. So it might be you find a couple to swap with, it might be an orgy, it might be you go by yourself and you have sexual engagements, but it's very traditional sex-focused, I'd say. So I remember going to a swing event wearing some latex

and people were confused about, what's this material you've got on? I'm like, okay, this is just weird. How can you not know this is latex? So it's very penis in vagina, blow jobby, publicy type of stuff. Well, BDSM is almost like, no sex please, we're British,

but I'll have a good spanking. It's just that. You knew the difference between the two, right, Tyler? I mean, yeah, of course, for sure. Totally, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool. Me too, me too. By the way, the term BDSM stands for bondage, domination, sadism and masochism. I thought it stood for bacon, donuts, sandwiches and milkshakes.

There you go. Now that's some BDSM I could get into. Yeah, punish those arteries. I think the first event I went to was a swinging party. It was at somebody's house. could get into. Yeah, punish those arteries. I think the first event I went to was a swinging party. It was at somebody's house. You're your first party. So you're like, Oh, nervous, I'm gonna get caught out, you know. And often you have the most mundane conversations about things. And then some sex might happen. So you can go from like, you know,

where you've been on holiday to, you know, find you quite attractive. Do you want to do this? Oh, yeah. No, I just got back from a little traveling. We were in Italy. Great pizza. You know, speaking of traveling, you want to go take a trip to Bontown right over there on that uncomfortable looking couch? Oh, the weather's been lovely, hasn't it? I just love this weather. Nice. Speaking of weather, would you like to tie me up with some hard leather and possibly do a little figging?

I love figging. I love being figged. You don't know what figging is, but you're about to. What is figging? Figging is a BDSM term. It's the act of inserting a piece of ginger or a hot chili pepper into the anus to produce a burning sensation. By the way, I looked these terms up. I don't know them offhand. No one listening is surprised.

If Tyler offers you figgy pudding, say no. We don't want any figgy pudding. Get the fuck out of here. I'd say the swing scene is more, it's more cross-section of normal people. It does tend to be couples who've maybe, they've had the kids, they're a bit sexually bored,

they're looking to do something to spice their life up. But somebody who met at one of these swinging parties was quite into kink, so did some stuff with this person. I was like, yeah, this is definitely more of my thing. And then I heard about one of the local swingers clubs also did kink nights. Now's a good time to get out your iPad or pen and paper for you old school folks because Amelia is about to throw a lot of lingo your way.

There's basically two different types of events. There's munches and there's events that are organized in clubs. A munch will be a meetup at a pub. And sometimes it'll be a private room in the pub and the owners of the pub will know. And sometimes it won't be. It'll just be, look out for a fluffy toy on this pub table.

These are the people. And it's very, it's very just normal conversation, you'll talk about anything and everything apart from the kink stuff, because it's considered like, far inadequate to go straight into the conversation. Well, I think the first event I went to was a little bit more vetted, because it was CBT, which is cock and bull torture. Not cognitive behavioral therapy. Hi, yes, I'm Lucy. I'm here to work on my fear of public speaking. You know, I guess it could be therapeutic for someone to learn how to gnash a ball sack.

Just not mine. Thank you very much. But Rob's on the other hand. Let him at it. Please no. It's just sort of learning how to safely hurt somebody's bollocks. In order to do the thing safely, you need to learn how to do the thing. And where does one learn to safely pummel some knackers? It was in a gay sauna, but rented out during the day. All the kink events are daytime because they're not the money

making ones for the clubs. It was just some interesting stimulating as well. I describe it as like a through the looking glass thing because you know you're breaking cultural norms and it's really like it's exciting thing to do. And I was less nervous by that point because I've gone through the looking glass thing, because you know you're breaking cultural norms and it's really like this exciting thing to do. And I was less nervous by that point because I'd gone through the swing side of things. It was older people at that event, so I was in my late 20s or early 30s at that time and this was most of the people in their late 40s going into their 70s actually. I mean at that event there was only I think 10 to 12 people,

but at other events, you could have over 200 people. It depends on the event. The scene is people who are committed more to a BDSM lifestyle, and most people's access to the King's Scene will be going to a munch. Me skipping and going straight to an event was more of an unusual pathway into it, but I was a little bit more focused on what I wanted, knew what I didn't want. I have been to munches in some other cities where it's a bit public, maybe a hiking group. Some of the munches will be themed, so they'll be like a board game munch. There'll be a music genre themed munch, and it's just about trying to get people together to create the pool of people basically.

So it might seem like it's just a bunch of blokes and lasses meeting together with some leather and seeing where the action goes. There are actually some rules. Most, say 80% are during the day. Alcohol is looked down upon at an event because how can you give proper consent if you've had a drink and it can make you a dangerous player if you've had alcohol. But yeah, there's definitely drug use that happens in private and alcohol use. So again, it's this two-faced just bullshit. A lot of clubs won't allow sex to happen in the BDSM environment,

because it's supposed to be about the power exchange and the dynamic. Some clubs, yes, the sex does happen, but I'd say 70, 80% of clubs will be like, no, you can do the kink stuff, but it's safer sex for when you get home. And there's also people who are so into BDSM, they're just not remotely into heteronormative sex. So the basics, as it

might be known in the gay scene. Are you guys taking adequate notes on the vocabulary? So far, we've got munches, CBT, the basics. Here's another that she didn't mention, water sports. And I'm assuming you don't mean water skiing. No, no, I do not. I do not. It's a... Europhelia.

Go ahead and guess. I'm just going to say it. It's golden showers. That's what Europhelia is. I'll keep my showers un-golden, thank you. I'm not even going to tell you what a Roman shower is. But now you have to tell us. I'm not going to tell you. I'm not even gonna tell you what a Roman shower is. But now you have to tell us. I'm not gonna tell you, I'm not gonna tell you. But people can pull over and look it up,

but I would suggest you don't, it's not necessary. You'll go and go to club events, you'll see some of the people you saw at the munches, you're made to feel very welcome, the layout of the clubs are shown to you, the different etiquette and rules are explained to you. And when you start doing the kink stuff, doing a kinky interaction with somebody is called a scene. This is why the broader name for the kink subculture is called the scene.

But a scene is a negotiated interaction with somebody. So for the bigger clubs, you'll have a social area. And sometimes there might be play equipment in that social area. Things like St. Andrew's crosses and things you can tie people to. And often there's rooms you go off in with the world's most depressing beds. They're just horribly functional. Or there's other equipment in those rooms.

So, it depends who you're doing stuff with. But also, that gets to a point where I'm like, you can't then just have something spontaneous. It just then becomes complicated. And I'm like, do you know, I was feeling horny 20 minutes ago, but now you've spent bloody 20 minutes trying to find the thing to do the what. And now I'm bored.

I'm not horny anymore. We've missed the opportunity. So the main reason why you'd go to these club events is to meet people, but also to have access to really expensive equipment that your landlord's going to be asking a lot of questions if you kept anything like that at home. Why do you have a medieval pillory in your dining room? Well, because it wouldn't fit in the bedroom. What with my new bondage bench.

Oh man, I had to look up sex, furniture, pretty crazy stuff out there. I mean, I gotta say, American ingenuity and invention is fantastic, but pretty high priced. Was I in a cult? Medieval pillories coming soon. Yeah, there's a good profit margin on those. Every time you have sex, you'll think of me and Tyler.

Oh God. But yeah, you'll think of me and Tyler. Mm-hmm. Oh, God. But, yeah, you'll have people doing stuff around you. You'll have people doing stuff off in the rooms. It can be very performative. As I said, there's a lot of attention-seeking. And I just, I find it's hard to describe it, because to me, it's almost, it's boring now. It's somebody who's tied to a cross who's being spanked,

or if it's a club where sex is happening, they'll be tied up and being fucked or something, or there'll be some weird scene that's going on. But half the time, it's the same act. It's just, it means something to somebody because they're in that weird dynamic. So all of this might sound like it could be arousing, correct? Half the time, nobody's orgasming,

because you've got this awkward navigating your way around people doing stuff with the event. And it is when you first start to it, it is that through the looking glass effect. And it does feel transgressive, and it does feel exciting, and it does feel thrilling. After you've done it a few times, it just gets boring. You've gone through the looking glass.

You're just like, oh, well, there's fucking Kevin and Stacey showing off again. Oh, they're so noisy. Put a ball gag in it, Kevin. And there's Sue. Oh, she never wipes anything down. We don't go to gym class and not wipe down our Pilates machine.

Wipe down your equipment, really. Get it together, Sue. Hygiene, Sue. Hygiene. This really unsexy commentary of the people who you know and the small minor nuisances that they're causing by their scenes. They're no longer exciting or sexy. They're just, yeah. But it ends like most events, you know, they're like lights flickering or it's time to go. Move it out, people. Move it out. All right, Kevin, Stacy, Sue, fun's over. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Get the fuck out of here, guys. Show's over. Show's over. Our show, however, is not over, but we are going to take a little break. Ever order takeout only to get soggy fries, a cold burger, and a bill that feels like punishment? over but we are gonna take a little break. I've ordered takeout only to get soggy fries, a cold burger, and a bill that feels like punishment. It's what I call takeout trauma. Been there and that's why we love Cook Unity. It's meals by award-winning chefs delivered fresh to your door without the trauma. I just had their miso glazed salmon with bok choy and jasmine rice and it was next level good.

You guys, this stuff is fresh, it's flavorful. Honestly, it's better than most restaurants I've been to lately. Bok choy, totally underrated as a vegetable by the way. It's like dining out without leaving my house or breaking my budget. No cooking, no cleaning, no stress. You just heat it up in five minutes and with over 350 meals to choose from, there's something for everyone. So avoid the takeout trauma with Cook Unity,

affordable food crafted by award-winning chefs delivered to your door. Go to cookunity.com slash cult and enter code cult before checkout for 50% off your first week. That's 50% off your first week by using code cult or going to cookunity.com slash colt. Get it people.

All right guys, if you love a good mystery, you've got to check out June's Journey. It's a hidden object game that takes you back to the glamorous 1920s where you play as June Parker uncovering the truth about her sister's murder. It's like stepping into a detective novel with beautifully detailed scenes and puzzles that'll keep you hooked. Me, I just finished decorating my island estate. It's basically a 1920s mansion straight out of a Gatsby party. Champagne, anyone? I'm currently on chapter 4 titled Claire's Secrets. Claire is June's dead sister and it gets into all the family secrets. I just uncovered a clue that changes everything.

June's journey is relaxing and fun and a great way to unwind or kill time in the Rite Aid into all the family secrets. I just uncovered a clue that changes everything. June's Journey is relaxing and fun and a great way to unwind or kill time in the Rite Aid Pharmacy line, am I right? Mm-hmm, can you crack the case? Download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android. So, so far in Amelia's experience, it's mostly positive, albeit the awkward navigation of the events, which would sometimes render her no longer in the mood or frankly just bored. But the community on a whole felt like a place that was giving her something she wasn't able to get in her regular day to day life.

It just felt liberating to be exploring different things. And I will say, I'm sat here going, there's something missing fully from our culture about joyful exploration of human sexualities. There's very much a feeling of feeling like you've found your tribe when you've become part of the kink scene. And as the years went by, it would be something I'd warn newbies about saying

that feeling that you found your tribe is fake, basically. I don't know what causes it. And I still don't know myself because I know I had those same feelings myself. And I know it's common amongst sort of like some of the cult stuff. And maybe it's a product of hulk boxing, maybe it's a product of filling in the gaps yourself. But that sense of I've come home, I've found my tribe is very strong at the beginning. I finally found my people. A common refrain in the love bombing phase of cults.

Now, mind you, these people aren't necessarily easy to find, at least those who will admit it publicly. The exact size of the BDSM community is hard to measure, but it's estimated that between five and 10 percent of adults engage in regular BDSM activities. Liz? What? I'm just... I mean, 10 percent's a pretty big percentage. It is.

She's pleading the fifth. Pretty big percentage. It is. She's pleading the fifth. Online communities such as FatLife, a social network for BDSM enthusiasts, have over 8 million members worldwide. But the numbers are all over the board. According to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, that's a good read by the way, I wish they had more photos. Approximately 47% of U.S. participants reported having engaged in BDSM behaviors at some point in their lives.

Now, mind you, that figure does include ostensibly timid acts like blindfolds and spankings. Yeah, until you're torturing someone's balls with an egg beater. Stay off the playing field, rookie. Yeah, until you're torturing someone's balls with an egg beater. Stay off the playing field, rookie. Now, according to another study, one in four Americans in a relationship, that's 27%, has a secret sex act in mind that they want to try but haven't yet asked their partner. How do they get that statistic? I mean, I suspect that's probably on point, right? So Amelia, while she didn't have these limitations, she was fully in the scene. But how does this kink scene navigate relationships, feelings, the complexities of human beings, emotions and flaws?

So if you manage to get a relationship going or you get somebody you're doing play scenes with. When you're doing a kink act, it's called a scene, and it's also referred to as play. And you'll have some people who are your play partners. So it's like friends with kinky benefits, but that you're not in a relationship with. And it's always more complicated because it's that one of you doesn't really find the other that attractive, but you want to learn, you know, you get on well enough. How do you pair up? Oh, you meet at the munches, you meet at events,

and they're just somebody who, like, you'll like, but it's not... It hasn't got that energy of a relationship for you, or maybe it does, and you want to be near the person you fancy and hope it turns into a relationship. So the play partner space is just this really messy, complicated space where everyone's like, no, it's fine because we're just doing transactional things with our friends. And then one of you will end up in a serious relationship and there'll be the really upset play partners around the place.

But you end up just sort of like, a lot of your social life will revolve around the subculture. And so you're kind of locked in, especially, you know, whatever your particular interest is. So mine was more BDSM, you go to all the BDSM events. And it just ends up with being a bit of a carousel ride. But yeah, the biggest problems I think are people who they've maybe struggled socially because of the neurodiversity. They're overly hug boxed in their subculture and then their entire social life becomes the subculture. And that's the social sort of side of the subculture. And then the spicy straights slash heteronormative subculture that Gay Kinker cannot talk about.

It's a completely different organized world. Now don't put away those notepads. Just yet there's some more BDSM vernacular heading your way rapidly. Spicy straights. They hate being called spicy straights, but tough. What are spicy straights? It's mostly heteronormative people who play around with sexuality. And so I mean, I can put myself in one category.

I like fucking women, but I've not had a relationship with a woman, so yeah, I'm lazy bisexual is the way of describing it. So you'll often get some lesbians as part of the spicy straight scene. So I did actually take a gay kinky friend too, a munch. And he was just like, what the hell is up with you spicy straights?

He just found the whole thing a ridiculous waste of time. He was just like, if I want to do something kinky as a witty, we're going to talk about it on the app, agree, and then do it. You guys and all of this chatting and time wasting and consent, consent, consent. He just, he found it ridiculous. So in the Spicy Straight scene, one thing that is very popular is rope play. So the rope scene with the Spicy Straight is, it's very clean presenting. It's something you think, I can invite somebody to that workshop.

What behind the scenes of that subculture, they have their own reporting mechanisms for consent violations. And of course, when you're dealing with sex, consent is of utmost importance. It's that much of like a problem. Oh, I'll just tie this woman up and oh, whoops, sorry, my finger didn't mean to find its way into your vagina. And because it's presented as so, it's just safe, it's just something different. But no, they literally have formal reporting mechanisms for rope-related consent violations.

And because it looks safe, I'm aware of more than one person who's like, oh, well, we'll can practice rope more at mine. And then when that person's in the rope play is out, then it's like the sexual assault happens. The rope workshop and also the workshop I went to where you're learning a skill, you'll do something for a laugh. And then the person you've done the thing with is in their wank-bank forever. And they are just like, you've fulfilled this massive fantasy for them.

And then you get like an icky feeling, like, I didn't consent for it to mean as much as it's meant to you, if you know what I mean. And that can sort of like dig away at the thing. So I think there is room to be learning how to do fun things and to do some joyful exploration, but where it gets problematic is where it becomes part of a subcultural identity. So when I first started I was like learning some things that sounded quite fun to do. Maybe I'd find somebody I could do the things with. But it was sort of like, yeah, I'm picking up a skill set

that I could take back to my partner because that was supposed to be shared interest, but it turns out he wasn't that interested in that. The community will often use labels such as DOM or dominant, FEMDOM, SUB or submissive or switch to define roles. But there's often debate about how accurate or meaningful those terms are. I just can't take you seriously, Tyler, when you're talking about sex. When I say submissive.

Femdom, sub or submissive, dom or dominant. Very David Attenborough. Now, the community often uses labels such as dom or dominant or femdom, sub or submissive or switch to define roles. But there's often debate about how accurate or meaningful those particular terms are. Much better, much better. That really just brings it weirdly home.

So you discovered early on that you were a femdom. I more leaned to that side of things when I started, yes. But I'm cautious about saying that was my thing, because to me, the femdom thing is a male-constructed fantasy. It became sort of a running joke amongst other women who had more of a dominant lean, that you're just male submissives of some of the biggest misogynists you'll meet. So when you first start, you think,

oh, this will be the space where I can meet somebody who, because they're saying, I want to serve the woman and make them sexually satisfied. But when you're getting into it, it's the same crap again. It's, there's just a very male-orientated script. Within the Femdom world, it tends to be very much wanting to be humiliated, wanting to have their cock and balls tortured because they're feeling inadequate about their penis and their sexuality. You can see the patterns in the psychology that's making somebody drawn to this.

And it's just a ton of mother issues. And you think for a man to be self-confident enough to authentically have a woman be more sexually in charge, they're really quite rare to find because it actually takes a lot of self-confidence, I think, for men to go, I just really find it hot when a woman is more in charge in the bedroom. And there's a lot of shame and guilt wrapped up into the male submissive mind. What would you prefer to call yourself outside of the male construct of what your interest is? A sexually confident woman is the thing. It is like, I'm quite explorative. I bet I'm going through a bit of healing at the moment.

I'm taking a time out from any relationships and sexual stuff. So the moment I'm feeling no sexual interest at all. But at the time. Yeah, just sexually confident and playful and wanting to be the one who makes things happen. The giver not the receiver. It's the psychology of it. So say like with PIV, penis in vagina sex, the cultural norm of that is the woman receives the penis. But another way of thinking about that

is I'm taking it. So that psychological difference is that's where the hotness comes in. You know, I'm not receiving, you're not giving me your dick, I'm taking it. There's some psychology to play with that and I think we just so use this script of the woman is the receptive one and the man is the one who does the acting and I don't like to be looked at in a certain way and it's there is something thrilling about being the one who's doing the looking. I think socially constructed is what the male role is. And playing with that sort of, a more sort of like psychological level is hot.

But then you sort of like, you get pulled into just suddenly more equipment and time is involved before you know it, you're like, Oh my God, this is just turning into a huge fucking session. You know, this concept of Femdom is also why I hate the idea of the Fem Fatale, which is just another male constructed two dimensional fantasy of a woman. Oh, look at me, I'm sexy and dangerous. But really it's about keeping women in a narrow box where their power is only valid if it's tied to seduction or manipulation.

It's reductive and honestly just another way to undermine real agency and promote fear of powerful females. Thank you guys for coming to my TED talk. We'll be right back. Hey everyone, let's take a moment to talk about something close to my heart. Rescue animals. As someone who has only ever gotten her animals from a shelter, I know firsthand how much these incredible animals rely on us for a second chance at life. And that's why we here at Wasana Cult are so excited to partner with Cuddly. Cuddly is an amazing platform that supports over 4,000 animal welfare organizations around the world. It's not just about donations, it's about making sure your generosity truly

reaches animals in need. Every organization they work with is thoroughly vetted and must be a verified 501c3 nonprofit in good standing. So you know your donation is actually going exactly where it's supposed to, to helping animals who need it most. Plus Cuddly makes it's supposed to, to helping animals who need it most. Plus, Cuddly makes it so easy to donate. No stress, just good vibes and happy animals. We donated and if us cheap bastards can donate, we know you can too.

And now your dollar goes even further. For every $20 donated through a one-time donation, Cuddly will gift a soft and snuggly blanket to a rescue animal in need. So head to cuddly.com slash cult today to make a donation and help make a difference. That's cuddly.com slash cult. Spark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. The holidays are here guys, you know what that means.

It's time to find that perfect gift for everyone on your list. Luckily Uncommon Goods is my go-to place for gifts that are anything but ordinary. Uncommon Goods scours the globe for unique handcrafted items that are high quality and fun. I've gotten so many of my holiday gifts there. Ooh, like what? Well, I shouldn't tell you, but I got you a personal wine glass chiller for the holidays. And I shouldn't tell you that I got you a Bluetooth enabled record player for the holidays. And the best part, when you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting small independent businesses and artists. Plus, they give back one dollar from every purchase to a nonprofit of your choice.

Over three million dollars donated so far. How cool is that? So skip the boring gifts this year and head to Uncommon Goods. From personalized presents to one-of-a-kind holiday finds, they've literally got something for everyone. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com slash cult.

That's uncommongoods.com slash cult for 15% off. Yep, don't miss out on this limited time offer Uncommon goods were all out of the ordinary The people in this Environment are they all in open relationships or poly? Oh, that's one of the cultural norms You're supposed to do to is poly. Also sometimes called by cynical people like myself as poly fuckery. I've known it worked literally a handful of times and the joke is, is people who've got

a diary fetish because the amount of managing of your time you have to do to make it work. Okay, real quick. If you didn't know, in British English, diary often refers to a physical calendar or a planner used to organize one's schedule. Schedule. Also, a biscuit is a cookie, a lorry is a truck, a flat is an apartment, chips are fries, crisps are chips, and a banger is a sausage.

Who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right, I forgot. Here in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth. We just call it a sausage. It'll be hilarious because you'll meet up with a friend and they're in this polydynamic. And the whole dynamic will have shifted. There'll be new people because they'll all have fucked each other and fallen out with each other over nothing.

And so it just becomes this performative, oh I'm somehow, it's part of the moral superior thing. Monoheteronormative relationships are just, they're archaic and legacy of Christian and it's very patriarchal so we're going to do this polygamy. Only it's fucking around. It's friends with benefits. And quite frankly, these are not people who have got emotional competence. To have emotionally mature disagreements over topics. It's like, oh, I'm so emotionally competent, I can have relationships with multiple people. Rather than actually dealing with the fact that you're too terrified to have an intimate relationship with one person. And the crux point, it tends to be as well, I think, when people are like,

look, I'm just somebody who has multiple sexual partners, and they're open about it from the start, that is more likely to work. But I think they've stolen from the gay subcultures, where polyamorous relationships are more of a norm, because you are a minority, and there's a limited pool of people. And so when you're in the space of trying to explore your sexuality and such like it can sort of seem like it becomes an easy thing to fall into and it can be very destructive, you know. Do people come in relationships or do they come single?

It really varies. You can't pin a type on. I mean, I came in in a relationship, broke up, left, had another relationship with her, broke up and left the thing. Some people will just be fairly single interacting with the scene. Others will have an entire like poly family network that they're all doing stuff with each other.

So in the poly world, a nesting couple is your core couple and you'll see other people outside of that. The amount of like people who then end up living with a nesting couple and then just doing very performative kink stuff. Cause I'll say it gets to a point where it's no different to having a cup of tea, giving someone a spanking or something. It becomes very normal. And it's a slight ironically lean of having all the claim

to be sexually exciting and liberated, and then settling down with your nestling partner, doing the whole married thing, and doing the very white middle-class thing. And I think if people get too sucked into the whole thing and think it's real, and that's the risk, certainly for the more neurodiverse folk as well. The people who are playing it as a game they're going to go and carry on and have a life

afterwards and maybe just stay engaged performatively. The people have made life changing choices and the time you spend doing spending time on the scene you then isolate yourself by just having seen friends. So I think you do get some quite sad cases who just end up almost perpetually, unintentionally single because they've just taken themselves to a strange place. Is there a hierarchy? In cults, there's usually a hierarchy. Is there? It's the people who organize events and then you've got people who have just hung around long enough who help with events. But there's also people who understand how the scene works.

And you'll get problem people who will just make beelines to be friends with the leader types. So they can then almost build themselves some cover by making it hard to put complaints in against them. Because they've ingratiated themselves with the community leaders of the scene. But yes, there's very much a sense of self-culting in that you won't necessarily go and join the culture because you're thinking, great, I want to get some weird sexual following.

Some people might, but as soon as you start organizing stuff, people will project onto you. So I've organized things and you almost end up with a cult following. And you're like, whoa, I've organized things before in the past in a non-kink environment. And people are often appreciative that you're the one who's got to pop them. But in the kink subculture, it's like, oh, my God, you're a community leader.

Can I come and help? And it just gets weirdly culty. But yeah, you'll get people who will emerge as almost cult leaders. But obviously there's some people in that subculture who really like that. So you end up with cult leaders emerging and they're called community leaders in the scene. Some of them actually, they're trying to do the right thing. They're trying to create an environment. And I think most people who've exited the scene have probably gone through this.

You realize there's some problems in the space. You try and put on an activity or an event that's going to resolve some of those problems. And then over time, you just realize. The flaws in the kink scene are intentional to a level. They don't want rid of the flaws because if you dealt with it then you wouldn't have the influx of vulnerable people to exploit basically. Which brings us into the darker and more problematic side of the scene. So when you try and talk to the normal public about what's going on and I've come across this

in a munch where somebody insists on communicating as if they're a dog. And there was a little bit of like, no, I'm not going to engage with this. I'm just going to walk away from this nonsense. Quite frankly, if you want to sit at home and pretend to be a cat, I do not care. But what I do care about is people being groomed into increasingly problematic behaviors, the normalization of violence, the dark age plays basically role playing pedophilia. We'll be right back. Okay, confession time. My favorite late night activity recently isn't binge watching shows.

It's filling my quince cart with all their cashmere sweaters. Their Mongolian cashmere is ridiculously soft and starts at just $50. It's a little dangerous, but in the best way. Yeah, I mean, who needs self-control when quince makes it guilt-free by pricing everything 50 to 80% less than similar luxury brands. And it's not just sweaters. I snagged one of their cotton button downs and it's perfect for layering. Ooh, all of our female listeners got so excited when you talk about layering. Layering. Here's how Quince does it. They partner directly with Top Factories, cut out the middleman and pass the savings

on to us. And they're all about responsible manufacturing practices so you can feel good about what you're wearing. So, if you want to join Liz's late night cart filling shopping spree, head to quince.com slash colt for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's q u i n c e dot com slash colt. Tell them we sent you guys and your closet will thank you. Go to quince.com slash colt.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform that makes it ridiculously easy to launch your passion project or build your online empire. Whether you're selling products or starting a blog about your favorite cult leaders, Squarespace has you covered. We use Squarespace for our website and let me tell you, their design intelligence is a lifesaver. You just answer a few questions and voila, a personalized, gorgeous website that feels completely you.

And then there's Squarespace Payments. I mean, we're talking about fast onboarding, multiple payment options like Apple Pay and Afterpay. And their integrated social media tools make it so we can sync everything with our Instagram and social media channels in just a few clicks. So, if you're ready to build something amazing, go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, Squarespace.com slash In a Cult for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com slash In a Cult.

Seriously, give it a try and let Squarespace take the hard work off your plate. Unlike cult leaders who love to pile it on. For years, Tim Ballard has been championed as a modern day superhero. The first time I saw one of the kids from the video, and it like changed my life. He was the face of Operation Underground Railroad, a movement that inspired hope around the world

by rescuing children from human traffickers. However, Ballard's crusade to save innocent lives has always hidden a darker secret. Well, I think he's a pathological liar. Beneath the accolades and the applause, a dark storm has been brewing. I mean, I can't find a time that he's told the truth about anything. Shocking allegations of sexual misconduct have surfaced, casting a shadow over his once unquestioned reputation. I am host Sarah James McLaughlin.

And in this new season of The Opportunist, we explore the rise and the fall of Tim Ballard. Join us this October for Tim Ballard un Unmasking a Hero. Subscribe to a new season of The Opportunist now, wherever you get your podcasts. Age plays become weirdly more acceptable, but age play is basically age regression. So a 38-year-old woman will regress to a 12 year old. Where DDLG comes in, so you've got the daddy-dom-little-girl dynamic, which, I mean, it creeps me out because it's making super sexual, non-sexual roles for men, such as being dads. It's like, just, you're seeing all over what it's healthy relationships making it creepy.

And they'll say, I'm doing it, it's my choice, I find it healthy. It's not really the culture I was massively involved in. I've only really seen it more from the outside. And there does seem to be a weird split of where you've got your older fetishists who have sort of like just caught on. It's another deviant boundary for them to push at.

So that's why they're doing it, because their kink is actually transgression. And that guy is right there, says it all. Their kink is actually transgression. But then you've also got the younger people coming in, and I think they're sexually traumatized by porn. And it feels like this safe way to take part in the popular progressive sexuality.

And so the age play can be the soft version, but then you get the dark age play, and that is the role playing of paedophilic acts. I don't want to describe it. It's, that's it. I can't, I don't want to give you an example. Yeah, that's disgusting. And how do they justify it? Don't yuck my yum. And if it's adults consenting, and yoking is not my kink, and it's okay. And it's consent, so it's fine.

And also it can be healing and therapeutic. Let's not forget about these non-offending, minor-attractive persons. They need to come too. And it's just the minute you push back against it, you have a hysterical hissy fit. Like traditional BDSM is healthy and this age play stuff is somehow this news deviance.

It's a different expression shaped by its culture. But yeah, it's nope. On the whole lot of it, thank you very much. Nope, indeed. And just to reiterate, the scene calls these role-playing pitos, quote, the whole lot of it. Thank you very much. Nope, indeed. And just to reiterate, the scene calls these role playing pitos, quote, non-offending, minor attracted persons. Meaning these guys aren't actual pedophiles.

They just fantasize about it. Sorry, I need a safe word here. No, I do not consent to this insane line of thinking. The bad apple thing is part of what perpetuates the problems on the scene. So every now and then you'll have a purge of the predators. It's usually male, usually somebody who's a bit incompetent at being a predator. So suddenly this person's there and a predator and chased off the scene. And that then enables people to tell themselves that the scene is working, because we've identified a predator and we've got rid of them. No, you're not acknowledging that this scene is creating this dynamic.

Yeah, we're not acknowledging the scene is attracting predators. We're not acknowledging it is giving them scripts. So that's you go to a club, you negotiate a scene with somebody, you say, I'd like to be spanked 10 times and increasing hardness. And you spank them 20 times really hard or something. That's a consent violation. Oh, it happens all the bloody time. And also, this is where it gets tricky as well. Because if you're having spontaneous, joyful, loving connection with somebody, why do you need to have such a script for every single interaction you're having? So this is another tension that sits in it. It claims to be super freeing

and, you know, an overwhelming exploring sexuality. Yet, the public play side of things is hyper scripted. And I'm aware this person has had several consent violations. And there's this idea that somehow they can be mentored into behaving better. And I'm like, look, it's one thing to have somebody who's new to the subculture maybe doesn't know the etiquette. Subculture etiquette is one thing. A person who frequently pushes boundaries, and there's also other allegations about things they might have done, all you're doing is you're teaching them how to be a better predator. None of you are qualified in working with people

with sexual deviances, because you don't believe sexual deviances exist. All you're doing is you're teaching this person to be a better predator, and also there is no interest at all about what I think is one of the biggest problems, which is domestic abuse and coercive control. The amount of abusive relationships that hide behind a dormant sub-dynamic in that subculture is just shocking. That's it for today, guys.

We'll be back next week with the final part of Amelia's story. Yes, today was simply setting the stage, painting the picture of the scene, getting you familiar with what it is like when you first enter. And next week, we will get far deeper into the darker side of this subculture. And it's you become quite tribal and things happen gradually as well. There is definitely some social contagion because of the people pleasing. I think that goes on amongst the submissives. Nappy wearing like diapers.

That wasn't a thing 12 years ago. It was some weird niche thing that you might see some porn of. Now, age-play nappy wearing things is just so prevalent. It's just like, when did this happen? Thank you, Amelia, for sharing and letting us into a world that many only have assumptions or ideas about. And thank you, listener, as always, for your love, support, and spankings. If you haven't already, please rate, review, and subscribe to keep this train a-moving. And until next week, stay curious, always ask questions, and never be afraid to use your safe word.

What's your safe word? Masta-choli! But you use that L all the time. You gotta have something that you don't use in everyday conversation. Penny Arribiata. Spicy. A spicy meatball.

Man, my safe words just make me hungry. What's your safe word? Bacon, donut, sandwich, meatball. Rob, what's your safe word? Bacon, donut, sandwich, meatball. Mmm. Rob, what's your safe word? Dare I ask? I don't think you can legally ask me that. Was I in a Cult is written, produced, and hosted by me, the submissive Tyler Meesom.

And me, Liz, the Dom, Avi, Ayakuzzi. Our sound wizard is Rob the Flogger Para. Whoop-ah! And a special thanks to our very amazing assistant editor, Greta Fetish Stromquist. Social media Badass, that's badass in French, is our very own Shani Sadist Payton. And executive producer is Steven Dungeon Submmissive, Labrum. No,

Steven's a Dom. You know way too much about this, Tyler. He's like Indiana Jones in the dungeon with that whiff. But the community on a whole felt like a place that was giving her something she wasn't able to get in her regular day-to-day life. And in group sex, often the community is on the whole. That was dumb, I'm sorry. Rob. I don't know what to say about that. You guys.

Rob. Yes, Liz. Yes, Liz. Are we being chastised for being childish? It's like you can't give this episode to two boys. Children. In their 50s. Or a third boy who's also a girl. Right?

You're more of a teenage boy than both of us, Liz. You are Todd the 15 year old. That's true. Dicks and penises and cum oh my! Sorry. Editor's note. I'm a very young 38.