Was I In A Cult? - Women Only Secret Society (NXIVM) PT 2: "Collateral Damaged"

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

"It's exclusive," she was told. A women only secret society.  She was a chosen one, after all.  A badass ninja warrior woman, she was ready to set the world on fire.  Finally surrounded by people that shared her same vision, she would do whatever it takes.  Jessica Joan was ready for anything. Well... almost anything.   __  If you, or anyone you know, has successfully escaped a cult, please reach out to us. We'd love to hear from you and have your story and voice be heard on a future episode: [e-mail] Please support Was I In A Cult? Through Patreon   Jessica Joan's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovejessjoan/?hl=en  You can purchase Jessica's book here: http://theuntouchablejessicajoan.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode contains adult themes and strong language. Not for the kiddos. How she primed it made me think it's not a big deal. Because to me, words mean something but the meaning behind them are so much more. I'm like, okay, I don't have to see this as a scary thing. You're my master, I'm a slave. And I too am your host, Liz Ayacousy. Thank you, listener, for taking our five-day course.

This is was I an occult? I'm your host, Tyler Miesum. And I too am your host, Liz Ayakuzzi. Thank you listener for taking our five-day course. You are now enrolled in the 11-day course. Part two of Jessica Jones Story. We knew you'd follow us. And we are gonna love bomb you so hard that you'll never want to leave. Stay, stay with us. I was one of their first followers ever. And now look at me, I have a red sack. Okay, so let's back up a little bit and discuss some of the things that Jessica was experiencing in this 16-day Nexium course. She was doing deep emotional work.

Diving into old traumas and fears and coming out the other side feeling quite liberated at first. Because all of this emotional public unloading isn't just therapy techniques. It's part of a much bigger plan. A manipulative plan. And by now, the dogma has slowly started to seep in, the loading of language, the control of behavior, of thought, of emotion. Right, for example, in the normal world, if someone's an asshole,

well, they're just an asshole. But not an ESP, they're not. No, it, it, it, it, it, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's up, it's up, it's up, it's up, it's up th, it's up the, it's up the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ty. ti. ty. ti. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the well, they're just an asshole. But not an ESP, they're not. No, it's up to you, Tyler, how you respond to the asshole. After all, you are responsible for your own feelings always. Now with this whole universe of ESP, it's like, everything is your own fault. Everything is your own thing. There are no inherent victims. Yeah, they created a whole other language. See, when you create a new language, you are essentially tricking people. People are being guided towards a new way of thinking, thus rendering their own opinions and critical thinking skills useless.

And Jessica didn't really put up a fight with the next team of thought. Except this one time. There was this instance in one of the modules where something comes up about a rape thing. And of course I'm upset, and it was a guy who was the proctor. At the end of it, he goes, what happened to you was horrible. That wasn't your fault.

I understand why you're upset. I don't want to take anything away from that. But what if the raper needed something from you that only you could give them? Like they were lacking something and that's why they did that to like empathize with the raper? And I was like, yeah, I don't know. He's like, it's a lot to take in, but what if, because they needed love? That's what they needed to do. And I tried it on. And I was like, no. Wow, can't get more controversial than that topic, can they? And they have this module called raping a baby. I stand corrected. He said, what would you do if someone was going to murder your whole family

unless you rape a baby? His whole dialogue around that was saying, How do we empathize someone that would rape a baby? This type of therapy can be very dangerous and should only be practiced by professional therapists. See, but Keith and Nexium, they had none of those professional degrees or training, and in fact, they were kind of proud of it.

My credentials, first are that I'm a human, that cares, that's had a good amount of education, but I'm certainly colorful, unique. What's our credentials? We make sense. If you're trying to shoot for the moon and you land people on the moon, you can't say well that didn't really happen because you didn't have the right credentials. No, actually Keith, that's exactly what you can say. If somebody whose sole credentials are that they're colorful and unique wants to send you to to unique unique unique unique unique to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the uni unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique unique. to unique. to to unique. to unique unique, unique. to uni. uni. uni. unic, unique unique unique. unic, unique. unic, unique, unique. unic, unique. unic, unique. uni. uni. uni. uni. What, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique, unique. to unique. to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the to their their to to to their their their to their their their their their their their cu. their cu. their cu. their c say. If somebody whose sole credentials are that they're colorful and unique wants to send you to the moon, don't get on their fucking rocket ship.

Yeah, because you're probably going to die or just sit on the launch pad for eternity. Yeah, you know why? Because getting on the moon is hard. And so is therapy. And credentials are the minimum requirement to get you there. Nonetheless, there's Jessica. She's strapped into the rocket ship. She's enjoying the ride. She was loving ESP, loving the classes, the environment, the people. And the love, well, it was a two-way street. Jessica, she was special.

So special that she had been approached by India Oxenburg with a very unique opportunity. As you recall, the vow. It's a woman's only secret society. With just one or three tiny requirements to join. To even find out more about the group, you have to submit collateral because it protects the secrecy because there's so many high-level people in this. Again, the explanation actually made sense. And India shared examples of what she had given, as well as what other women had, so it made Jessica feel safe. So I did like a video secret, a notarized letter, and a special videotape.

But that wasn't quite enough. But that wasn't quite enough. India wanted something heavier. Something that will help hold your word. I just basically gave a secret about being sexually abused. Giving that piece of collateral felt very weighted and a little scary, but also in a way kind of liberating in a sense that it created this deeper trust between me and India. Now we're in this together. Naturally Jessica was worried about who would eventually see the

collateral. She said that there's like a vault that's super fucking protected. Once I give India the collateral she basically is like a vault that's super fucking protected. Once I give India the collateral, she basically is like, okay, you're in. We're here to be badass women, and I'm going to be your mentor. But there wasn't really a welcome party. It's not like I join a sorority and I'm meeting all my sorority sisters Kumbaya. It's a secret society of ninja women. Her hope was that later, I will also meet all of the other badass women, especially the super affluent,

whoever the hell I thought was in here. But for now, her only contact was India. I'm just dealing with her, and all I know is super secret. You just have to be in the unknown and wait till you get new info. Which was slightly odd, but again, the justifications for all of it made sense. So a couple days before Jessica is meant to go back home to Los Angeles, she goes on yet another walk with India.

These people are definitely getting their steps in in Abony, Tyler. Hitting their 10,000 mark. She says, just so you know, this is meant to be controversial. It's like in karate, right? You have your sense, or in yoga, you have your guru. So what we refer to each other as is master slave. And then she's saying like, it's just a word. Sure, master slave, just a word. like bully, nerd, prisoner, executioner. Yeah, just a word, like, bitch, f-shunder, f-d-shunders, you know, just words, Tyler.

My precious ears. How she primed it made me think it's not a big deal. I'm like, okay, I don't have to see this as a scary thing. You're my master and we're slave. Okay, so what do the slave have to do? Fan her with a giant palm leaf, build the pyramids, wash her feet. Nope, Tyler, they had to text each other. We would have to message every day like, good morning M, good morning S.

M meaning Master, S meaning S, normal text acronyms. And then there's this thing called readiness drills. This is like sleeper cell training. Basically, she would text me a question mark or a random number. And I would have to respond,M for ready master within like a minute or two or someone would get punished. Now at any time of the day, any time of the night you could get this message and you have to be on alert. So it's like your

adrenaline is going like your senses are high. And then on these texts India would give Jessica certain tasks to perform. These assignments, especially in beginning, are things I would do on my own. Journal about what it is to be a wise woman. Go on a 20-minute walk of contemplation about what you want your life to be. Watch documentaries. But the assignments got a bit more difficult. More difficult than watching documentaries.

Oh, please. That makes me money. Oh, that's what we call a dig here on Was I in a Colt? Fair enough. Then there was the cold shower assignment. Every day before you could eat, you would have to take a three minute cold shower. She told me that it helps you build comfort around discomfort. It's not fun. But at the same time, I'm like, taking a cold shower is good for blood circulation, great for your hair,

great for your skin. So I've justified it now. Like, I'm stronger. I was thinking that this is part of how I become this version of myself. And so I've justified it now. Like, I'm stronger. I was thinking that this is part of how I become this version of myself that is this badass. And Keith has been doing these kind of things for over 20 years. More justification. Mm-hmm. So while Jessica's preparing herself to become a warrior woman, she keeps taking more classes,

new modules and EMs. Which is all part of the financial abuse. After you finish the 16 day, it's a humanitarian university, so there's a course for everything. For parents, for men, for women, your body. Whatever it is, they got it. They use your past traumas against you. You know, they say, but you can always do more work on yourself, you know, here, take this course to work on your relationship issues. This one, you can work out your daddy issues. This one will tackle your body image issues. Yeah, really what they're really saying is, you can always put more money in our pockets. Money you might not even have. But Jessica, But Jessica loved the idea of more personal growth. After all, she wanted to be the best. the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. t. te. I, te. I, tee. I, toda. I, toda. toda. toda. today, the. thate. the. the. the best Jessica she could be. In life, as well as in work. So there's something called The Source, which was the actors slash performers artist's curriculum, that was Allison's company.

She's referring to Allison Mack. Remember Allison was a proctor in the Magnificent series? Hi, I'm Allison Mack and I'm the president of the source. Don't worry if you feel like I'm not an actor, what am I doing here? Because this is really a study of compassion, empathy. Your whole being is going to change. I wanted to take the source to deepen my ability with my craft of acting, with being an artist, with freeing myself up, but it's $11,000. I've just spent how many thousand dollars, not including travel and all this other bullshit. But India thinks there may be a way to get her in. So she introduces

Jessica to Allison. At first, Allison is completely harmless. I liked her. She felt warm, she felt empathetic. I tell her like, I really want to take your course course I can't afford it. Is there something like a work trade? This is common in many cults. When they have sufficiently bled you dry they'll always find another way for you to pay. And often that results in free labor only getting you further and further into the cult because now you have debts to pay off and more and more of your life is dedicated to this cult. And then Allison lets her in on a little secret. India had been planning to recruit me before even the presentation. Allison's known about me, she's seen pictures of me, and then I learned that she's actually my grandmaster because she's India's master.

Yes, India was Allison's slave. So Jessica was Allison's grand baby slave, if that's a thing? It is a thing now. I've made it a thing. So because of that, you're getting this opportunity to take my course. Special, special. I guess dreams really do come true.

Oh, but there is a catch, Liz. There's always a catch. She's like, if you th th th th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you thue. Oh, but there is a catch, Liz. There's always a catch. She's like, if you recruit this many people, your thing will be free, I'll give you X amount of time, do a whole contract and everything. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a cult recruiter is born. Let's not forget that before Nexium, Keith worked for Amway, a multi-level marketing stuctor sells health, beauty, and home care stuff. He then copied that multi-level marketing structure and created a company called Consumers

Byline, where you essentially have to pay a membership to receive discounted groceries and other items. And here's a clip of Keith polished sales pitchman selling consumer byline. Keith, happy to see you again. Yes, happy to see you too. It's an amazing idea. Yes, well, sometimes it even amazes me. But consumers byline is wonderful and it's working. All right, so where's the MLM component in this particular company? Well, members earned commission by recruiting other members, Tyler.

Mm-hmm. Consumer by line ended up under investigation as a potential pyramid scheme, and Reniary agreed to pay a $40,000 fine and accepted a permanent ban on participating in any chain distribution scheme. Consumers Buy Bigh. Oh, because it closed, right? That's right. And in the 90s, prior to starting Nexium, Luzer Keith was also involved with the National Health Network, a multi-level organization selling vitamins. Yeah, see, Keith has pretty much made a career out of just spewing bullshit.

Spending five minutes saying something that can be said in 30 seconds. Or not at all. Right. So here's a clip of him displaying this prowess with Allison Mack. What does it mean to be authentic? When someone's authentic. A their their their their their their their their th. their th. th. th. to their th. to to thi. th. to thi. to thi. to to to to to to to to to toe. toe. thi. toeatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathe. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the their. their. their. the their. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to te. te. te. te. What does it mean to be authentic? When someone's authentic, you feel them. You have this feeling of a soul there. It just seems to come naturally from their experience of existing on this planet. You get the feeling that not only that there's a person there in the moment, but somehow you reach into their very essence and you meet a unique individual. I don't know why, that makes me want to cry. It's beautiful.

As individuals, we strive to break through a type of existential isolation. Stop it. Stop, stop. That sounds like some kind of bad date between Edward's scissor hands and... And a bush? Yeah. All right. So let's go back to Mr. Authentic's latest pyramid scheme, Nexium. Jessica went and talked to her friend about the source. This is the same friend who originally took the five day with her. She's obsessed with Allison and also an actress.

She signs up for the source right away. Cool, I get the past. So not too long after Jessica was in Albany. She flies to Vancouver to be part of the the the the to be the the to be the the to be the the to be the the the to be the the the the the to be the the the the to be the the to be the to be to be to be to be the to be to be to be the the the the to be toemeaemaemaemaemaemaemaemaemaemaemanemanemanemanemanemanemanemanemanemanneaemananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan up for the source right away. Cool, I get the past. So not too long after Jessica was in Albany, she flies to Vancouver to be part of the source. And again she has a transcendent experience. The source is crazy. There's a lot of unorthodox tools and ways of getting us to these deep emotional places that were very effective. I definitely had some powerful visceral experiences like dealing with abandonment stuff with my mom and just a bunch of stuff. Now, Allison may be the president of the source at this point, but let's not forget where it comes from. The man whose face makes onions cry, Mr. Dirtbag Renary. What an intro.

The thing that makes the source a bit unique is I come from a non-acting background. You could say, I don't know what I'm talking about. So, that's good and bad. Yeah, mostly bad. That's more admission of no credentials. The rocket scientist doesn't have acting credentials either? No, surprise. Shocker.

The good aspect is it comes from a behaviorist, humanist sort of practical and philosophical background, dealing with communication, dealing with all sorts of things relating to the psychodynamics of people and humans. Oh, people and humans. Yeah, because he's neither. That's that. That's more. That's that's more. That's more. That's, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. That's that. That's that. That's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's more. that's more. that's more. that's more. that's more. that's more. that's that's more. that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that's that's that's that's that's that's the to the psychodynamics of people and humans. Oh, people and humans. Yeah, because he's neither. That whole video should be subtitled and underneath it should say nothing but blah blah blah. Because that's all I heard. All right, so one day, after class, Jessica and India, they go for another walk.

Another walk. More steps. India said, oh, think about like if there's any women that you think things thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, because, because, because, thi, because, because, thi, because, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because thi, because, because, because thi, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi More steps. India said, oh think about like if there's any women that you think would also want to join the vow. So my friend I thought oh she might like this. She's strong, she wants to grow. So then her friend is also offered the special opportunity to be in the secret women's group. My friend is like super excited, wants to join, immediately gives collateral, and is just stoked. Okay, cool, guess we're in it together. And then Allison tells me that she wants her to be my mente, my slave. Huh, there's that silly word again.

After she finished the 11-day source, Jessica goes to Albany with India and Allison. Now I'm getting all this one-on-one care. I'm crying on the couch over and over, like processing all of the trauma and the motions that have come up. During this period, Jessica kept coming up with unique phrases and ESP slogans. And then someone said, dude you should put that on a shirt. So Jessica had the idea of starting a t-shirt company. So my ex-boyfriend, he had a t-shirt company that I helped him with. So I'm actually well versed in that arena. Then other people in the community were like, you should

talk to Keith, he has a t-shirt company. So she goes to volleyball and she tells Mr. Blah blah blah himself. Hey I have this idea for this humanitarian t-shirt company, people said I should talk to you. It's like, okay, get my info. We'll go on a walk and talk about it. And remember, if you go on a walk, you just went on a walk with Buddha. The first walk with Keith one-on-one was surreal. 2 a.m. snowing, dark outside. And at first, it's like, I was nervous, excited. Didn't know what to expect.

Like, what the fuck are we going to talk about? You know, it was like, as if you were meeting one of your heroes. Like, how does that work? Remember, until this point, Jessica has not had one uncomfortable interaction with credential Keith. No, he's actually been on his best behavior. He did hold my hand and that did feel a little like, huh? But I also saw him do this with everyone, even guys.

And then we get to a point where I'd talk about the t-shirt company. Keith says, yeah, I have this tie- this this thi- thi- th- th- th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s th-s th-a-s th-in-a-s thi-a-s, thi-a-s, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, th-in, th-in, th, th, th-in, th, th-in, th-I-in, th, th, th-I-I-I-a-a-a-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-a-s, thi-a-a-s, th-a-a-a-a-s. I-a-a-s, th-a-a-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-a-s get to a point where I talk about the t-shirt company. Keith says, yeah, I have this t-shirt company that I've been waiting for someone to help me with. I have screen print machines, I have connections with diesel in Mexico, so write a business plan, and we'll talk about it. The possibility of doing this t-shirt company, like, I just was awest struck,

because because because because because because because because because because because because because, because, like, like, like, like, like, like, like I just was awestruck because here's someone who's like Buddha. So then that also makes me feel more special. So Jessica works on the business plan and she emails it to Captain Headband. And he's like, I have some notes, let's go on another walk. So we go on this walk, we talk about different things. I'm finding out more stuff about him. We're talking tho you have to be to to to to to to be to be to be to be the to be the to be the to be the the to be their of their of their of their of their of their of their of their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, the the their. Somememea. I. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. I. And, te. And, the. And, the the. So, the the. So, te. I'm finding out more stuff about him. We're talking about charities." And he's like, well, you have to be aware of charities because sometimes people do this to just not pay taxes. And he's like, okay, let's keep talking about this. I'm in route to go back to LA after the source. He messages me and he says, if you're serious about starting this t-shirt company, the sooner you come back,

the better the better the better the better the better the better the better. the starting this t-shirt company, the sooner you come back, the better. Prior to that, Indy and Allison had tried to get her to move to Albany with the promise of free rent, but Jessica had just signed with a new agent. I was killing it. I'm booking all these print and commercial jobs. But then bumbling Buddha sends that message. Now the dangling carrot just grew diamonds. The finisher was Keith.

He's offering me this opportunity, like your whole life's going to change. You're super successful. I have all of these things. Be mentored by this guy. Create this t-shirt company. Make money. And I actually really enjoyed Albany. It was a lot of trees, clean air, big wide sky, just a new environment. So I consulted my higher self.

Fuck it. And just like that, she up and moves to Albany. Me and my cat, head east. And then things also started to take Los Angeles to, well, Albany, the land of railroads, banking. And Nipper, the RCA Dog. When I moved to Albany, it was very community-oriented. People bought homes there.

People had their own businesses. There's all these Nexium jobs. There's so many extracurricular activities. There was like a poetry group, which I joined. There were a lot of people, my age, that were also creatives, that were also wanting to be entrepreneurs, and we're working on stuff, or we're going to an open might. Everyone's very busy in a company. Allison ended up keeping her word about me living rent-free in her sorority home

with the other women in the house. They were all in DOS because there were certain little indicators. I did continue taking courses just working the curriculum. Because again, Tyler, there's always more work to do on the self. Yes, and there's always more money to hemorrhage to do it. Exactly. And remember, she's still a slave and soon new directives were handed down from her master. Daily assignments. I had this checklist of specific assignments, which was three-minute cold shower, intermittent fasting, drink a gallon of water,

two 45-minute workouts. But soon, the directives got a bit more intense. There was a calorie deficit thing, promoted as a way to overcome our limitations of how much food we actually need to eat. But what Jessica didn't know was, it was for another reason. Keith likes his girl Skinny, with Harry Bush's, by the way. I can't wait to get to that because it's funny. It's stuff people don't know. Wait what? What is she to say?

It's a little thing called foreshadowing, Tyler. So at first it started as, OK, thousousousousousousousousousousousousousousousk a thaaa, okay, okay, okay, okay, thous, thous, thous, thous, thous, thous, thous, thous, thousa, thousa, tho, tho, tho, tho, to to too, tooom. too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, to too, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. toowing, Tyler. So at first it started as, okay, thousand calories a day. Then you have this little calorie counter app. And then, okay, now 800 calories. Okay, now 600 calories. And then it got to the point where it's 500 calories, where you'd have to do a math equation. And not only would Jessica have to measure her food, but she would have to send pictures of it to her master. This squash is 10 calories, plus one tablespoon of olive oil,

plus this equals this equation. Master, may I eat this? And this whole time, she still thinks she's prepping for the female empowerment Olympics. And as Jessica paid more attention around town, she started to figure out to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their.. their. their. their... their. their.. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. the. the. the. thea, thea, their their their their their their their their their their their their their the whole time, she still thinks she's prepping for the female empowerment Olympics. And as Jessica paid more attention around town, she started to figure out who else was in this secret society called the vow. This is how I started to kind of see who was in it. I'm like, oh, you're all measuring your food. And later, I'm noticing and hearing that women were not getting their periods.

And also some of them were losing their hair. The people that are doing these calorie things. I was put over the edge when I asked her, I was taking some Omega-3 fish oil supplements at the time. And it was 100 calories for the supplement. And I asked her, I said, hey, do I have to count this in my calories, or was that like separate? She said I had to count it. I was like, you guys don't have a period.

You guys are not healthy. I am not listening to you. And I was secretly eating more calories. But as harsh as the sounds, Jessica may have been one of the more lucky ones at first. The thing about India, she was like a nice master. India was much softer. It felt more warm and caring. So if I had a failure, which would usually be the calorie thing, she would just make me journal about it, like, you're letting your sisters down and your mom down.

But not every master was so forgiving. With Allison, the sociopath that she is, she would break you down. Whether you have an insecurity, or she'd be like, you're spoiled. Or she'd be like, you're spoiled. Like, I ought to say it, like, pretty girl privilege or whatever. Certain things you get away with, she would use these things against you. Oh, you're just a spoiled a a spoiled a spoiled a spoiled a spoiled a spoiled you behave this way. Okay Liz you got to explain this to me what

exactly is pretty girl privilege? I don't know it's a concept people talk about like you get away with things in life because you're pretty pretty. Like what you don't have to do your laundry? More like you can be a garbage to a in public, rob a CVS, you know, pretty girl privilege. It's gotten you far in life, hasn't it? I farted in a CBS while robbing it. And everyone just said, look and she's got nice eyes. So as far as masters go, India was nice master, but Allison was far more abusive. Now almost every cult has one or a few followers who are, let's call them the cult leader's pets, right?

They are the ones that get closest to the cult leader, therefore they're the most indoctrinated, most devoted, and most fucked up from the whole experience. And in this particular cult, that person was none other than Allison Mack. And here is Allison talking about Janess, the woman's group. Janess, I think, is the most gratifying thing that I've ever done. We're all working together and no one is ever punished and no one is ever told that they're wrong or they're bad. And watching the women who are involved in Janess completely transform and evolve in a way that is so pure. It's such a privilege Seems she's been eating too much of Keith's bullshit stew Mm-hmm, and how many calories is that?

Over the limits Don't take a picture. No, but it's messed up Right. She is speaking like a complete hypocrite because behind the scenes women were constantly punished and told that they were wrong and bad Was she manipulated? Yes, but it just fed the thing that was already inately in her teaming up with Keith. the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the the th. the th. th. the the th. theat, theathea th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. theyyea. teauooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. toe. to just fed the thing that was already inately in her. Teaming up with Keith just exacerbated it and gave her the authority and power to commit more abuse. She would stab you. But then she'd be like, oh, but we're here to help you with this and it's okay. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. You know, it's very confusing. Also too, she was more aggressive.

She was quote-unquote scary. She had the power and enjoyed the control that she had over us. And as Jessica got in deeper. I started and noticed some things were getting a little weird with Keith. We were ordered to go to volleyball. And he had this chair and people would bring like chocolates and sweets and all these things. So he had all these treats the the the treates treates treates treats treats treats treats the treats the the the treats threats. She threats and their their their thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. She th. She th. Shea treats and treats and treats and treats and treats and treats and treats. Shea treats. Shea treats. treats. Shea treats. Shea treats and treats and thr-s and thr-s and threats and th volleyball. And he had this chair and people would bring like chocolates and sweets and all these things from. So he had all these treats all the time. And I just noticed that, say someone asked him a question that he didn't know the answer to. He would just like talk

it away. So I started to see like, he's actually not that smart. Hmm. That 2.2 GBA couldn't stay locked inside forever, could it, Tyler? No? No. No. to. to. to. to. the, to. to. the, to. the, to, to, to, the, to, to, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. So, to, to me. So, so, to. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so, so. So, so, so. So, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, the they. So, they. So, they. So, the. So, t. So, t. So, t. He. He. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. So, t. So, t. So, t. So, t. So, t. So, 2.2 GPA couldn't stay locked inside forever could it, Nope. It too needed its freedom. And then I also started to notice that he would talk about sex a lot. In a joking way, like desensitizing it, right? Also, everyone would kiss him on the lips. Even the guys. So I didn't know if like, okay, this is some hippie thing. Allison was really into that too, so it was just normalized. And then one time at volleyball, Jessica was just having a conversation with Keith, and he reaches out his finger and...

Out of nowhere, he draws the circle like around my naval area. There was no like acknowledgement of that or anything, but obviously he knows this is happening, I know this is happening. There is a perversion to it. In my mind I'm thinking, that's fucking weird, that's crossing my boundary. This feels very predatory. Okay. Maybe this isn't what I think it is." Her rose-colored glasses started to take on some grayer tones. Meanwhile, nothing is happening with the t-shirt company, and every time she asks Mr. Genius

about it, he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I've been so exhausted and la-la. We'll go on a walk. So he's like keeping me on a hook and I started to get really irritated. I'm like, I don't give a fuck who you are. Don't waste my time. But remember, Keith Reneery, the man who's ass gets jealous of all the shit coming out of his mouth, pays attention to everything, always. Allison calls me and she says, hey, I want to talk to you about something tomorrow. It's really important. I'm like, okay, and I'm thinking, God, I hope I'm not in trouble, like what's going on?

See this was part of their game, a buffer. They call someone and say, I have something for you later. And it makes the give them good news. So the next morning, Allison calls. She calls me, I'm in my little basement room, and she starts the phone call with, you've been so amazing, everybody loves you, and me and India wanted to give you this special assignment. It's an honor and a privilege. No one ever gets this opportunity. My spidey senses are going off. I'm literally

holding my breath. And she says, the assignment is to seduce Keith and have him take a naked picture of you to prove that you did it. In that instance, that you did it. In that instance, the walls start spinning. I literally lose my breath for like a second. I go, I don't understand. I'm really confused. Does Keith know about the vow?

Because I'm thinking still, like he's some celibate little fucking teacher guy and she goes no he doesn't know about the vow to go why would I try to seduce my teacher like that's gonna make them really uncomfortable like this is really weird and she goes well you know all of your issues with them being sexually abused if you do this assignment it'll get rid of all of your issues around being sexually abused. If you do this assignment, it'll get rid of all of your issues around being sexually abused. Remember earlier when we said leaders in Nexium would weaponize people's traumas? This is an example of the worst case. Allison went to the darkest place she could go.

I realized she's serious. She expects me to do this. And she's like, oh by the way, this is super secret, very confidential, so like you can give him notes and send photos and stuff like that. You just have to figure out how to do this assignment. And I give you permission to enjoy it. So we hang up. I'm in my basement room. The room just spun. I'm just laying down like, what the fuck am I in right now?

Holy shit. This group of people that I've now surrendered so much of myself to and trusted is now trying to manipulate me. Fuck, I'm in a cult. It was literally my worst nightmare come to reality. So, not only did I accidentally join a cult, but how cliche the leader wanted to have sex with me. It was really heartbreaking.

It's like, fuck, I was learning so much. I was so attached to the curriculum, like, this could have been amazing. I still believe. So I'm like, okay, just need to get the fuck out of here. Luckily, Jessica had a family trip planned just a week later. I booked the flight and then I pack like as much as my stuff as possible, but I also didn't want to pack everything to set off any alarms. So I'm having to be Ninja Jess. But then she realizes, my friend slash mentie is in it. I have other women that I care about. And I forgot to mention that once you join on the first of the month you have to

submit new collateral to strengthen your word. Pictures of me and some other secrets and stuff, you know, I didn't want to get out. Now it's not just the three, it's like rent. I didn't know how dangerous they were. They have all this money, all this collateral. She then started to ponder on the events that brought her to this place. Specifically with Allison and even with Keith, their whole thing was to get me there, right? Because then they thought they had me. They saw my openness, my vulnerability, my willingness as a weakness and thought that they

could just fuck with me. But they fucked with the wrong person. Having just realized that she was involved in something much darker than she understood, Jessica knows now she needs to get out. But she's not exactly sure what that looks like. I just knew that I need to do something in order to protect myself. So because they trusted me, because I was a master, I had access to the Dropbox. An online digital file filled with pictures of other women's collateral. Basically, it would go into the Stropbox for 24 hours. So it wasn't all of the collateral in existence, it was just the fresh ones, the new rent.

So this is my insurance contingency plan. Whenever the new collateral would come in, I then took pictures of the other collateral in order to protect myself and the other people in case they came for me. And then I got to see who is in it, a lot of Harry Vagina photos, because he liked that. There we go. I'm glad we wrapped up that storyline.

But all of those photos would get deleted after 24 hours, which is why I needed to be in it for as long as I could, so I could get as much evidence as I could. Then after a few days, Allison checks up on me. And she goes, how's the assignment going? And I go, oh, like, we were texting and I and I and I and I and I and I and I and I, and I, the, the, tha, tha, th. how's the assignment going? And I go, oh, like, we were texting and I sent him a heart face just playing along. And then she goes, you know, me and India have done this assignment.

You can talk to us about it. So she calls India. And she said, oh, I don't really want to talk about it, but his body was amazing. She was really surprised about his body. That must be all the long walks and volleyball. A few days later, Jessica hops the flight to meet her family. Now remember her mother from the first episode, she went to jail for doing selling meth. Well, now her mom is out of prison.

And one day... Me and my mom are at this coffee shop. Jessica's mom knows that she's in this group, but she doesn't yet know any of the dark details. And I'm writing like a resignation letter. Hey, like, thank you for a da da da da. This is no longer working for me. So I have my mom read it. And she goes, this is a little aggressive.

Is something going on? And I go, no, it's okay, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. She's like, I'm your mother. And if something's going on, you need to tell me. If I need to make a phone call, you need to let me know. I don't think the phone call she's going to make is the same one my mom would make. No, probably not. And I go, to make a phone call. I will let you know, but I got this. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, that's where I get my gangster from. Jessica is now back in LA, but both Allison and India are continually texting and calling her, asking her to come back to Albany. The hounds are on the trail and they don't like what they're smelling. So now I'm like, okay, they're starting to lose control over me, right? And they like are freaking out probably. So what ended up happening, Allison ends up booking a play in San Diego and I'm ordered to go to her play.

There's a bunch of the other slaves there and obviously at this point we all know that we're in it. After the play, Allison, India, and Jessica go for a walk. Just a grandmaster, a master, and her slave out for a leisurely stroll. Jessica speaks directly to India. I go, hey, so you told me that the collateral was only to protect the secrecy of the group. So if I wanted to leave, then nothing would happen to my collateral, right? Now the bunny has fangs for the first time. It's getting a little puffy and huffy and like, well you made a lifetime commitment, she was just going off. And I go, are you threatening me? Because I feel like I'm

being threatened right now. Heeded moment. And Allison kind of breaks it up. But the next morning, Jessica meets with Allison one on one. We're in this parking garage. And she goes, what happened? You were so involved. And now you're not. So I tell her, the assignment you gave me really freaked me out.

And I looked up things on line and there were a lot of things that were really alarming. And then she says, are you saying you think I'm an accomplice to a child molester? I said, yes, that's what I think. Because online, there's a lot of things saying child molestation involving Keith. Remember, this was Jessica's life now. It's going to take some time to fully detach. The Nexium community were her people, her closest friends. But just a few days later, India and Allison had instructed me, my mantee, and a few other women that we needed to go to Albany for a special ceremony.

Maybe not so special. It seems some women had been ordered to do something particular to show their loyalty. It's basically like a little sisterhood tattoo that represented the elements, the size of like a quarter. I was still in my mind thinking like a tattoo. Okay if it's like this tiny little thing, not a big deal. But then they said something about a brand. So when I heard branding.

Brand, like livestock getting branded with a hot iron to identify who the cattle belongs to. So you can show the world who owns you. In fact, here is audio of a conversation between Keith and Allison. Doing the actual brand in an orderly fashion, each of the seven strokes, having a certain ritualization, the person who's being branded should be completely nude and sort of, the leg spread straight like being held to the side of the table, hands probably above the head being held, almost like tied down, like a sacrificial whatever. And the person should ask to be branded.

Okay. Should say, please brand me it would be an honor or something like that. An honor I want to wear for the rest of my life. And yes, you guessed it. They're going for a leisurely walk while discussing holding naked women down.. And, you guessed it. They're going for a leisurely walk while discussing holding naked women down and carving into their skin, a logo that's in the shape of Keith and Allison's initials. But it's so unique that it's like, I always thought it was just a brand.

It was a hot iron that would carve into their skin. It was carved. iron that would carve into their skin. It was carved. Seven strokes. Yep. But I never got to see it, not to like way after the fact. I already knew I wasn't going to go to that. But my mentee was all these other people were going to. In fact, her mentee was going to Albany to get her brand the very next day.

Jessica needs to work quickly. So she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she work quickly. So she gets her all alone. On a hike. So now I'm on this hike at Runyon Canyon with my mente. I told her a little bit about what the assignment was, because I wanted to warn her. She didn't dare tell her everything. She was still very brainwashed and indoctinated.

So they just kept hiking. But then, her mente gets a text me teeeee se se se se se se se se se se se. the the their their their their their their their their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their next. their next. their next. their next. their next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next teauuiiii. teauiauiauiaukeauiaukeauiauiakeak. teak. tea. tea. tea. So they just kept hiking. But then her mente gets a text message from an unknown number. And in the text message it reads, please do not go to Albany tomorrow. They're involved in illegal activities you might not be aware of. Talk about divine timing. Okay, so a little backstory. A few days prior. India, she had this birthday party. That's when I was going to give her the resignation letter. Like, thank you, bye. I ended up not doing that because India's mom, Catherine, had an intervention with India before this

party. It turns out Catherine had been working for months to get her daughter out of this group. Catherine was like, hey you're involved in illegal activities, you're having this birthday party to recruit people. I'm not going to be a part of this. India still has the birthday party. And she was trying to recruit more women. So Catherine collects phone numbers of some of the women in the group. And that's the source of the unknown text. Jessica takes this as a sign to tell her mente everything, the assignments, the sex photos,

the collateral dropbox, all of it. Now we're on the top of Renyon, she's bawling her eyes out because of the collateral she gave, she's freaked out. So the next day, rather than go to Albany for the branding, they go to a secret meeting in Santa Monica with Catherine and other women from the group. And I'm telling them all the things that has been happening. But they also have their own stories. Now I'm learning that women were put in cages and a woman who's like locked in a room for like a year and all of her identification taken, the child pornography and the

pedophilia. There's a lot of stuff that people don't realize they're attached to this. There was a small a small a small a small a small a small small small small small tha a small thaaa. A small th. A small th. A small th. A small th. A small th. A small th. A small th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thia. A the, the, thoom, thoom, thoome, thoom, thoom-a, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. I I, thi. I, thea, thea, thea, thea, theaugh, and thea, and thea, thea, thea.augh, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, realize are attached to this. There was a small group of us, former Nexium members who were just compiling all the stories so we could go to the authorities because this has been unchecked for so long. I was working with Bonnie and Mark and Catherine and like helping in any which way could. Yes, Mark Vicente, the director of What the Bleep Do We Know. Turns out, he knew a lot.

He had left the group and was secretly fighting to bring it down. So coincidentally, the man that initially got Jessica into the cult was the same man working to get her out. However, the authorities weren't paying much attention. That is, until a New York Times article comes out. A couple of district attorneys, they read this, and they're like, how has this guy been able to get away with this? We're going to take this on personally. So badass. And now, diaper Dick, reneural disease is feeling the heat, and so he flees to Mexico.

I mean, maybe he was just going there to meet with the screen printing companies. It does seem like a good time to get Jessica's t-shirt company off the ground. And the first t-shirt he should make should say, I landed on the moon without credentials. I'd buy that. At this point, I don't even think my story is important. Didn't have sex with him, didn't get branded, you know. But then her lawyer calls and says,

The FBI wants to meet with you. I technically didn't have to talk to them. I didn't have to go forward. I did not have to. But I was definitely, let's go. Living in my purpose of helping people and changing the world and just doing the right thing. It's like I have an abundance of energy for that. It may not have been through a t-shirt company, but eventually Jessica did help make the world a better place. So, there was a warrant for his arrest and there was two Jane Doe's. I was actually the Jane Doe number two.

A few weeks later with machine guns-drawn, Mexican officials raided a Porto Vyarta villa. To find Nexium's fearless leader standing proud, right? Nope. The wet sandwich was hiding in a walking closet like the limp dick he is and always was. And we begin with new details about the arrest of Nexium cult leader, Keith Raniri. has been charged with sex trafficking and forced labor charges. The leader of a secretive self-help group. Acutely narcissistic believes he's special.

Reney is expected to be arraigned in Brooklyn. And Jessica became a key witness in the trial. I was on the stand for two days. It was crazy. And it was a lot more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more. thiaeeaau. thiaeauiauiauia. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the thi. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theymemeaqqqqqqqq. theymeaq. theaq. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the stand for two days. It was crazy. And it was a lot more emotional than I anticipated. I walked in and it's like all rise. Everyone's standing up. Everyone's looking at me. This huge, fucking, intimidating room, and I was just ready.

All I had to do was share my story. Oh and share her story, she does. I fucking kicked ass. I was Muhammad Ali. They could not toucest me. And there was Keith Reneary, watching the entire thing. There was a moment where I had to point him out in the courtroom. And this guy fucking smirked at me.

I could see the demon inside of him. After six weeks of trial and testimony from numerous ex-members, Keith was found guilty. Renary, who described himself as a self-help guru, was sentenced at a federal court in Brooklyn to 120 years behind bars. He was found guilty on all charges, including sex trafficking, human trafficking, forced labor conspiracy, and multiple counts of racketeering, including sexual exploitation of a child.

When you put a number, like 120 years, it's really sending a message. And Nancy Salzman, she pled guilty to racketeering conspiracy and was sentenced to 42 months in prison, which is about three and a half years. I felt vindication. I felt like justice was served. And there was vindication for all the others who joined the group. Hallelujah. They attracted such beautiful people. People who had been through horrible things, wanted to heal themselves and then wanted to help beautiful people. People who had been through horrible things,

wanted to heal themselves, and then wanted to help other people. That's why I feel like it's so nefarious. They prayed on people's light and their goodness and then used that against them. Allison Mack, Keith's branding accomplice was also charged with sex trafficking, sex trafficking conspiracy, and forced labor conspiracy. But she signed a plea agreement admitting to racketeering charges and successfully avoided a trial. But when Allison's sentencing was scheduled, Jessica made sure she was there.

I needed to make sure that my voice was heard to express all of the pain, trauma, damage and destruction that she had done not only to me and her other victims, but I was speaking for anyone that's been victimized, laying down the reality that she's a monster, a menace to society. The fact of the matter is, she took joy and pleasure in harming me, other women, and all the things that she did was just so personal and just, she knew everything I'd been through. She'd seen me cry on her couch processing my traumas, and then to give me that assignment,

to hurt the little Jess inside of me who's already been so hurt, to literally want to push me into being abused by another monster. That was just despicable, unforgivable. So at the sentencing, Jessica stood on the stand and read a letter she had written. I just delivered it straight into her eyes and it like shot out of me into her. Allison, I thought I was going to be angry standing here seeing you face to face, but all I am is sad. I'm sad because you had it all but it wasn't enough. I had nothing and you tried to break me. You tried to destroy my light, you imprisoned us, and by the grace of God we are free.

And now it's your turn to be imprisoned and feel as alone and broken as we once did. Only then can you begin to reflect on your actions and darkness in hopes that one day you see the light. Then maybe, just maybe, you can be free too. So that's the one that I said straight to her face. Yeah. I was hoping that I was going to connect to another soul, another human being and actually be able to affect that. But it's just nothing in her eyes, those narcissists eyes, like it wasn't even so much darkness is just like nothingness. Nothingness. Wow. Yeah, she really is a sociopath. I would

honestly say psychopath. Allison was sentenced to three years in prison and a $20,000 fine. The conviction of Allison Mack is the most high profile yet. She has called it a horrific chapter of her life and expressed remorse at her actions. But one of her victims says she doesn't feel any remorse from her. She is a monster and a sociopath and she has created so much harm for me, her victims and so many people involved and I do pray that one day she can see the light but I don't think that was today. And there's our girl Jessica. There she is. Crush in that press. We're like two proud parents. You did good. You did good, Jessica, good job. We were so proud of you.

And Jessica believes her role in the entire fiasco was part of a bigger plan. The universe was like, actually, let's just put you in your purpose. You're going to accidentally join a cult. And then, yeah, you could do all of your other stuff. So I was divinely put there in this whole situation to help take it down because my life and childhood. Funny how this all works out that way. And today, Jessica is busy being untouchable, as she would say. She has a brand new book out titled The Untouchable Jessica Joan. This memoir details her experience in Nexium

and provides inspiration for anyone who feels they've ever lost their way. Finally, I can be myself, not carrying this Nexium way. I'm done. And this is just the beginning. This is like a completely new chapter of my life now. A trauma survivor turned thriver, she calls herself. And after meeting Jessica, I believe that is that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is thiol, for thiol, for thiol, for thi, for thi, for thi, for thi, for that, for that, for, for, for, for, for, for, for that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is thiiiii, thia, thia, thi, thia, thia, theeateateateateateateateateateateatieateateatieatieateatiea, theatieatea thia thia thia life now. A trauma survivor turned thriver, she calls herself.

And after meeting Jessica, I believe that is exactly what she is. She is a warrior woman all on her own. She doesn't need the vow or doss to validate that. I don't believe in gurus. I believe that there are teachers. I believe that there are tools, but you always know what is best for you. Don't let anyone tell you that they know better. If they do, fuck them.

And if they say this is the one answer to do the things, fuck them again. Like, no. I am my magic sauce. I love that. I love that full circle. Thank you so much, Jessica, for sharing your story with us. And if you want to hear more about the story, you can pick up a copy of the Untouchable Jessica Joan today. Pick it up, like what? In a bookstore? Do people still go to bookstores? You know you can get it online on the street corner? I don't care. Yeah, wherever the book, share it with your friends. Well, you should read it first. Then make a book club. Then make a book club, yep.

Laugh, learn, cry. All the things. Thank you everyone for listening to, was I in a cult? Yes or no? Was Jessica in a cult? I say Jessica, yes, was in a cult. And thank goodness she got out of it. We're really happy you you you you th. happy you got out of it, Jessica.

And just so you know, this is just one of many, many stories out there of people brave and courageous who were in and left their cult. And you will hear those stories firsthand on this show. Including this one from next week. For a religion that claims to be the truth, it's not about truth at all. It's about sit down, shut the fuck up, listen to the rules, know your place, and be blessed. So join us. Join us. Then tell your friends, family, book club members, random strangers, and your cross-fit buddies. Is that a culled? Possible. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Liz. Well, until next week, stay out of the rocket ship. And if someone asks you to go to the moon,

check their credentials. Don't spill my life. Crucify me. Wasa and occult at story produced written and hosted by myself Liz Ayakousy. And I'm also around Tyler Miesom. Executive producer is Maya Cole. Supervising producer is Catherine Bert Canton. Audio editor is Chandler Mays. And additional story producer

is Ari Basile. Visit us at was I in occult.com and learn how you can support was I in occult the podcast.