Watch What Crappens - #101: My Mouth is Literally Everything To Me
Episode Date: November 6, 2013Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) join forces to hate watch the premieres of Vanderpump Drools and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And don't let the Real Housewives o...f Atlanta slip by, cuz those bitches crazy this season. RHOM came to an end, and more old ladies with plastic faces found happiness. Oh yeah, and Top Chef. Check out our Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens) for announcements and to hang out with us and other listeners. Ronnie is writing recaps of the season. Check them out same night as they air (http://www.trashtalktv.com/category/real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-3/) Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
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Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap Is, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love.
I'm Ben Mandelger from b-sideblog.com.
You can find me at b-sideblog on Twitter and Instagram and Vine and wherever else you want to poke your nose around.
And joining me, as always, is my lovely and beautiful co-host, Mr. Ronnie Karam.
Hi, Ronnie.
Well, hello, everybody.
Listen to that husky voice.
That's how lovely, that's how lovely, beautiful people talk, you guys.
Wow, your voice is filled with such mystery, and yet there's a certain destiny about it that makes me feel cross.
Anyway, Ronnie is at TrashTweetsTV on Twitter, but his
website is TrashTalkTV.com.
And Ronnie,
so nice to hear your voice again.
Benjamin, it's so nice to hear yours.
I ran into you at West
Hollywood. Oh, yeah!
And I should have come with you. My friends
were so lame.
Oh my god, I forgot that we ran into each other. That was
a fun, fun, fun night.
That was great.
That was so fun.
And your friends were so nice.
And my friends were like, I'm tired.
I was like, I hate you.
You should have just texted.
Go home.
You should have just texted and come and met up with us.
We were just, you know, out there with all the crazy people out on Santa Monica Boulevard.
Did you hear that a guy was burned to death, engulfed in flames?
No, but it doesn't surprise me.
I mean, Jesus, people, pick some better materials for your outfits.
There was a lot of plasticky glitter things out there.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's really taking the whole flaming West Hollywood thing to a new extreme.
Do not put pom-poms in that much flames.
Get what you deserve, guys.
Well, there is some talk that he may have been actually lit on fire. So there's actually a homicide investigation. So it's actually really not much flames. Get what you deserve, guys. Well, there is some talk that he may have been actually lit on fire.
So there's actually a homicide investigation.
So it's actually really not that funny.
But since this is the Watch for Crime podcast, we turn everything that's miserable in life into a joke.
Because that's the only way we can deal with the own misery in our lives.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm not saying that I was standing there with a lit cigarette waiting for a pom-pom to go by.
No.
I'm just saying, you know, that happens.
Be very careful.
At least there's a lot of hoses around there to put you out.
Yeah, except in this case, the guy actually died, so no.
Okay.
Let's just pretend that didn't happen.
All right.
Hey, if I were Joe Giudice, I'd say, what can you do?
Shit happens.
What can you do? What can you do?
What can you do?
Let's stop.
Who cares?
So it's just
Ronnie and I today
and we have
such a big episode
that we have to get to
and Ronnie has a hard out
as they say at 630.
Wow.
It was Bravo premiere week.
We're not even going to deal
with gossip
and I think the only gossip
that I even can remember
is that Lydia's leaving Real Housewives of Orange County.
So whatever.
Yeah, who cares?
She's going to go find some new friends that her mom can put her feet up on their couch.
Yeah.
I would actually watch the show.
I would watch a show where Lydia and her mom go to different households and Lydia's mom at some point puts her feet up and we see how the households react.
Just see every
American hero turn into an abusive
asshole.
Next she'll go to a fireman's house and make him look
terrible. A 9-11 survivor
make him look terrible.
Excuse me, sir. I don't know who you are.
You want the very best?
So
here are the shows that
we're going to discuss on this week's episode.
We're going to talk about the
season premiere of Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills, season premiere
of Vanderpump Rules, season
premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta,
season finale of Miami,
and also, along with that,
the Vegas trip of Miami,
and we're going to find some room for Top Chef,
if only to make fun of Lea Michele.
We are not going to talk about Shazza Sunset
because it has not aired yet for us when we record this.
So next week you can bet your bottom dollar
there will be plenty of Reza impersonations to go around.
So, oh my God.
And now I'm free.
Look, it's Iran across the street
Wow
That tower over there is literally Iran
Like homegirl is in a different country
If she walks to that tower
But I'm like here and I'm like
Going to cry about MJ
MJ you are like a prisoner
Now you're free
MJ you are a prisoner To. Now you're free!
MJ, you are a prisoner to all the fat that's around your body,
and I don't know how to get you out of that, homegirl.
Girl, there's no key for that cell.
That is so wrong.
Well, he can't be talking about anybody's fat. I mean, he wears Spanx, and he's turning into his friend.
His mustache needs Spanx.
That's why you should only hang out with good-looking friends, so you turn into a good-looking person.
Because, tell you what, look at the lunch tables in high school.
They all look the same.
That's right.
Well, back in his youth, Reza looked okay.
Didn't we all.
Didn't we all.
Didn't we almost have it all.
So let's just jump into this big, fiery mess.
I kind of want to talk about
beverly hills first can we do that please let's just start with beverly hills and we'll go right
to vanderpump rules we'll just work our way backwards through the week um my goodness i
love the premiere ronnie i felt really good about it there was some um serious shade as the kids say. Yes. Or the kids used to say back in 2002.
Yeah.
That I've learned now recently.
Yeah.
They were ready to go this year.
They were going at it.
Beverly Hills really figured it out.
They fired some bitches.
Yeah.
They hired some older bitches who, I mean, this is really, you know.
These new girls, I feel, well, one of them keeps calling herself super young.
So I'm not really sure about that.
But, you know, my first impression is these girls are at that age.
You know, it's like when you open the refrigerator and that tuna salad is just about to turn.
Like you have to eat it that day.
I feel like this show is that girl's tuna salad.
You know, like they've got to get on it or they're just going to be hungry forever.
Yeah, I think that's an excellent way to put it um and it's not just respect the way they look we're not
saying that they look like tuna salad maybe we are but the thing is uh i agree and um i'm not
being ageist i'm just saying you know there's like a certain cutoff date listen i'll tell you
what they look like okay last night ironically before I started watching the show, I actually had a butternut
squash that I had to roast.
Otherwise, it had been around for like a little too long, like six weeks.
It's time to deal with this butternut squash.
I cut it in half, and the inside, you know, bright orange, but a little stringy and a
little dry, but still just on the threshold of being usable.
And that's, I think, actually more apt
of a food metaphor for these
women. You know, orange, stringy, and
dry, but still perfectly good.
Yes. Okay, I'm
with you.
I have to say,
just going back, my macro
thoughts on Beverly Hills, and also
for Vanderpump Rules, oddly enough, because
there seemed to be a thematic element.
Everyone is just complaining about stupid shit
in their lives. Everyone's like,
I think everyone expects a bouquet of roses
if they cut their finger or something like that.
You know, what's her face?
Yolanda had Lyme
disease, and she expects people to
be there for her. And then Sheena later on
has her... Well, listen, what do you expect when you obsess over lemons?
Eventually, limes are going to come
back and start a war.
That's a good way to put it. That was a very
Sex and the City moment for you.
I couldn't help but wonder, with so many
lemons in my life, was I due for some
lime?
That was very
caring.
Well, I'm back in recap mode because
I write recaps every Monday night for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
And so I'm like all about cat skills one-liners.
That's good.
I like them.
I'm out of recap mode.
This is the only thing keeping me sharp these days are these podcasts.
So let's see.
I don't even remember which woman.
I think we started with Yolanda.
Maybe not. I don't know. Let's see. I don't even remember which woman. I think we started with Yolanda. Maybe not.
I don't know.
Let's see.
Her daughter is a model.
And I love the message that they sent to America.
The daughter was like, you know, I really hate starving and I hate working out and it makes me so miserable.
But then when I get to be pretty, it's worth every second, if not more.
I'm like, okay.
That's great.
That girl.
Okay. Okay. First of all all this girl modeling okay she's a very pretty girl i'm not even about to to call
her ugly she's very pretty she's starving which model should be like she's got a horrible mother
so like who's basically whoring her out like she's going to be traumatized as models should be
i'm totally supporting this girl but bitch cannot like pretend she's looking out in the distance and walk at the
same time she falls and then when she's trying to like slowly kneel down she falls like i mean if
you can't like look if you can't get on your knees if you can't walk and you can't pretend to look
off in the distance you can't be a model yeah Like you need to be able to do all three of those things.
Sometimes at the same time,
walking on your knees with your mouth open while you're looking at the
distance.
Yeah,
I agree.
I agree.
But I do feel like her modeling career,
uh,
will have a little bit more longevity than Kyle's business,
uh,
at,
with her boutique,
Kyle.
I think the boutique's name is Kyle, right?
It's like Kyle and some poor person, too.
It's like Kyle brought to you by Ellie something another.
Kyle and someone who actually works at the store, too.
Yeah.
So I think actually the show began at the boutique.
And she has this large store space.
And she has a fawning gay.
By the way, I think at one point i lamented either
on this podcast or banter with ben and lisa that i'll never be a celebrity gay like i'll never be
like one of those gays that gets to hang out with celebrities all the time because i'm not a
fawning super gay celebrity like i'm super gay person like the guy at the kyle boutique did you
notice oh god i hate that kind of gay listen if you are that kind of gay and you're listening to
this well you're probably not listening to this podcast um if you hate that kind of gay. Listen, if you are that kind of gay and you're listening to this, well, you're probably not listening to this podcast if you're that kind of gay because I've probably already scared you away.
But if you are, I'm sorry for what I'm about to say.
But I hate that kind of gay.
I mean, she walks in.
He's like, hi, hi.
Morning, morning.
Good morning, morning.
It's time for morning.
I'm like, oh, my God.
I want to kill gay people with bleached hair.
Stop it.
Please make him stop.
oh my God, I want to kill gay people with bleached hair.
Stop it. Please make him stop.
But the worst to me is like the level of his ass kissing was so deep that when she said to him like,
oh yeah, there's a guy from the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce
and he thinks I should join.
He's like, oh my God, yeah, great idea.
Great idea.
I'm like, listen, you can say that she has great hair or whatever,
but just don't weigh in on city politics or bureaucracies.
It's like, I love chambers. Chambers are amazing. Chambers are so good in their chamber. Oh my God,
Diane, chambers from Cheers. I love commerce. Like there's a casino there and there's outlets there.
And I didn't know that they had chambers in commerce. Commerce is really good when people
share money with each other and spread it around. That's how the world works. You're going to look
great in that chamber of commerce. When I was a little kid and I played
SimCity, I always did really well when I put down the commerce parts, but I did really bad
with the residentials. So I'm really, really pro business chamber of commerce. Back when I used my
anus to make a living, my studio apartment was called a chamber. And then when i was working i would call it a chamber of commerce god bless his heart you know he can't help it i was watching a bullying video today um that this
guy emerson i think he was on that couch show yeah because we've become friends on well not
friends but like we've seen each other on twitter or whatever and so i was i was curious about him
because i wanted to see under his haircut.
Because, you know, Twitter pictures.
I mean, look, mine is from a decade ago and I'm like 100 pounds ago.
So I wanted to see what he really looked like.
So I Googled him and I saw this It Gets Better video for the Trevor Project.
And I was like, yeah, it really doesn't.
It really doesn't.
Let's make fun of some gays on today's show.
And then here I am doing it.
You see, that's called visualization. And this poor guy was on for all of 10 seconds and we've now spent like
five minutes just tearing him apart i know well you know what on the on a positive note he seemed
very nice and listen good for him to make such a terrible impression in such short amount of time
you know that takes a lot of special talent.
So anyway, so Kyle,
so the odd storyline of the episode is that Kyle is being
wooed for the Chamber of Commerce,
which is like,
it's so silly, and I was really on board
with Lisa Vanderpump, who was kind of like,
what the fuck?
She was like, Kyle, I don't really see her really being a businesswoman,
or even if she has a boutique, I don't see her being in the
Chamber of Commerce, because she opened a store because she likes to sell clothes.
The Chamber of Commerce is not going to do anything for her store.
I mean, look, the Chamber of Commerce is just a way for old rich people to handjob each other.
I mean, what else is that fucking guy going to do?
That Chamber of Commerce guy with that wig?
Like, give me a break with that wig.
I'm not taking you seriously stop it you're filled like to the brim with you're
filled to the rim with a brim you've got a terrible wig i can't you see i'm turning into that gay
that's what i get from making fun of you like you're fell to the brim with bram you have so
much revenue you could have stopped selling blackberries.
No, he wouldn't be able to make that reference.
Sorry.
Anyway, as I stutter along here.
So Kyle is going to have a party for the Chamber of Commerce, which is convenient because she also wants to use it as a way to extend an olive branch to Lisa and have Lisa's sir idiots cater the whole thing, which is so perfect for the season premiere of both shows.
Well, of course.
But, you know, one thing Kyle is very consistent with, other than her bitchiness and her backhandedness and her backstabbiness, is the fact that that bitch will get everything for free.
I mean, she is one of the most adept housewives.
She gets everything for free.
She has never paid for a damn thing on this whole show.
If her husband has a work event, she'll get it for free.
She'll get people to donate an entire downtown city of downtown Los Angeles
or whatever to do it for her.
And this was no exception.
She's like, well, we'll have the premiere party at my house
so they can pay for that through Lisa. i still look like a good person for inviting everybody
listen you're not a good person for trying to make up with someone like six months after filming the
last season when you haven't tried in between then and now you know what i mean exactly exactly
and you know she had kyle had two beats well she she was trying to mend fences with lisa although lisa lisa's pretty funny she
was really she was um doling out the jabs uh this episode like when she when she just mentioned the
rumors about mauricio and the younger woman at right in front of portia i even i have to admit
that was pretty poor that was bad that was actually really really for those of you who missed it
portia is still adorable and little.
And Lisa and Kyle were talking about Internet rumors that had been about them.
Well, really just about Kyle.
Throughout, you know, between seasons.
And one of them is that Mauricio was cheating with a tranny prostitute.
And so Mauricio came in.
He's like, hey, babe.
Hey, babe.
I'm going to take Portia to do my errands with me, okay, babe?
And Lisa's like, ah, that's where
the rumors come from of him seeing another
woman. Yeah.
A younger woman.
Yeah. And then like the
proper music was like, dun.
Yeah, that was super cute.
Listen, Lisa, when there's
a little girl who's old enough to
parallel park a Mini Cooper, she understands what you're talking about. You can't talk about that. You can't do that, Lisa, when there's a little girl who's old enough to parallel park a Mini Cooper, she understands what you're talking about.
You can't talk about that.
You can't do that, Lisa.
Even though I love you, Lisa, you can't do that.
So the other thing with this party that was big for Kyle was that she invited Yolanda.
And so now Kyle and Yolanda don't like each other anymore because at the reunion, Kyle accused Yolanda of calling Lisa, like like trash or something like that and yolanda's like
that is a lie no that yolanda said that okay at the reunion kyle said that yolanda said that lisa
was full of shit right right that's that was the whole thing yeah and and um you're a liar you're
a liar and she's like i'm not lying yol. And they showed that clip like five times in black and white.
Like it was the biggest, baddest thing to ever happen.
Yeah, exactly.
And so this has actually now fueled a feud where they both refuse to be accused of being a liar.
But I will say this for Kyle.
You know, fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Although you never fooled me.
This is now the second big lie issue in Kyle's life,
because we go back to season one of the show,
and Leslie forget the big moment with her and Camille,
where Camille was like,
Kyle said, I can't believe,
Kyle said, who would care about Kelsey,
sorry, care about you without Kelsey Grammer?
And Kyle was like, I would never say was like i would never say that i would never
say that i would i wouldn't do that that's a lie so now this is twice that kyle is accusing someone
else of being a liar but also it was super hypocritical of kyle because that you know the
fight you're referencing from season one she innocently said i think camille is feeling
insecure because she's not with kelsey and she's used to getting attention from which is totally
valid i mean i don't think i think that if she had just explained it that way to camille it
wouldn't have been a big deal but instead she just denied denied denied and in the same way i think
that yolanda was very innocently saying well you know lisa's sometimes is full of shit because
they're friends and she knows that lisa sometimes yeah and if she could have just smoothed it over
but instead kyle like
learned housewife battling and just battled her into the ground kind of a la camille and it's
like i don't i don't know it's like find your own moves yeah i mean it's we finally got rid of
fucking camille this is the first season premiere we haven't had flashbacks of kyle called me and
sakira las vegas or whatever whatever that fight was like right we finally got
rid of this shit and now you're just taking camille's lame battling abilities to this new
season let it go and while we're letting things go go up a size honey please with the back fat
coming out of your thing like it doesn't matter we don't know your size we don't care what your
size is you're not fat but stop wearing things two sizes too small because your back
spills out. I know.
I did notice that. I have to say, I did notice
that, and I actually don't notice those things very much.
The other thing I have to say,
as long as I'm being picky about her style,
and again, I'm not a style guy,
but she always wears these
dresses that just sort of flop down
onto the floor. They're just
a little bit too long for her, and as a a result i feel like they always make her look kind of
stumpy she should wear things that are like a little more like svelte or something so she looks
a little taller or whatever she just she always looks like she's like a melted candle you know
yeah she's such a beautiful woman too that's what she is like come on just you've got gay
people surrounding you just get some honest ones who aren't like, Hey, baby cake.
Hi.
Hi, baby.
Baby, baby.
Morning, morning.
Phone phone.
Love that dress on you.
Love that dress on you.
Oh, it looks so good.
So let's see.
In other news, Brandy is moving up in the world,
and she keeps on referencing the Jeffersons,
which was mildly amusing the first time.
But by the fifth time she said, I'm moving on up,
I really wanted to push her off a cliff
so she would move on down and out of my life.
Yeah, especially since she has no rhythm or real humor.
Yeah, or an afro.
Yeah, aren't there, like,
couldn't you be like a Beverly Hillbilly?
Why do you need to be smirched
to Jeffersons?
I know, you ain't no Weezy.
My favorite thing about that is that
brandy's like well you know it's so nice to not need a man anymore to make my own money uh really
because you made this money because you were married to a cheating man who was famous and
you stayed famous by mean tweeting said famous man and his slut and you were hired by a gay man obsessed with your man
and now you're getting probably a deal on a lease through another man like everything you're doing
is kind of through men so shut up yeah and your book you just wrote is about a man so stop yeah
just exactly um uh and then of course we have kim richards who seems to be breeding Cujo over at her house somewhere.
Kim Richards will end up overcoming drug and alcohol abuse only to be mauled by her own dog.
She is going to be mauled, like, so hardcore.
Yeah, that's one of those, like, oh my god, Rochelle lost her face.
You know, it's going to be one of those news stories.
Like, she should not have that
dog. That dog
if it's not going to kill Kim, it's going to kill someone else.
That scene with Kim trying
to take care of that dog was one of the funniest
fucking things I've seen all year. It was hilarious.
She's like, Kingsley! Kingsley!
Kingsley, I'm trying to make the bag,
King Clay.
You bet
the chicken salad bowl.
Kingsley, you bit the hair dryer.
Now there's a blackout, and I can't do my hair.
The mirrors are just filthy.
Kingsley, you want to go to Van Nuys Air?
I love the airplanes there.
God, Kim, I just love that every other housewife, they're like,
Okay, today Kyle. Kyle needs to join the Bank of Commerce, the Chamber of Commerce, and she needs to have a big party.
And then she needs to wonder if she's going to invite Yolanda.
Okay, Lisa, Lisa needs to plan this party and she needs to have this big drama with Kyle.
Okay, Brandy, Brandy needs to be looking for a house and we need to see who she's having sex with.
Kim, I'll just have Kim making a bed.
She'll be fine.
Just have her throw a ball under the bed and see what happens.
It's like, Kim, they're just like, send a camera to her house and get whatever.
Give her a fitted sheet and a dog and let's see how this plays out.
And honestly, it was like the most interesting part.
It was.
He needs some training.
He needs some training. Okay was he needs some training he needs some training okay he needs
some training she is i'm so i'm telling you right now that dog is going to peer out from the closet
with eyes glowing orange in the middle of the night at her and she's gonna tell everyone i'll
be like oh better chuck her back into rehab don't worry We believe you. We know it's a devil's dog. Oh, yes.
Pit bulls are the funniest dogs because
they are so humongous and so
strong and they're so cute.
But people don't understand what they're getting.
And if you go to a shelter, it's all chihuahuas and pit
bulls, you know? And the chihuahuas are
shaking in the corner, pissing themselves, and the pit bulls
are trying to murder everybody who comes in there, you know?
And then these sweet little girls you see at the
dog park who have adopted these gigantic pitbulls
and it's like, oh no, girl.
They've been dragged all around the park.
You know, they're babies.
It's like, oh no. Luckily you have the best
of both worlds with your pitbull-chihuahua
mix. Yes. Mine has
the killer ability of a pitbull,
but a little tiny seal body
because he's squished into a chihuahua
body. Bless this little heart
bueller um so okay so uh base so kyle throws this party and the caterers from sir show up acting
like a bunch of idiots i mean like they don't have a single professional instinct in their body they
didn't have it on their first season of their show,
and now that they've become semi-famous,
they've completely lost any grasp of reality
on how to act
as anything.
Well, it's the second year curse. They come back
even dumber than they started, and they're upset.
They know now to get camera time, they have
to be fighting about something idiotic,
which we'll get to when we get to Vanderpoop.
But, oh my god, them walking up to that party
like, what did we do? This is stupid.
Oh my god, I can't believe
Lisa just told me to do something.
Like, your boss just told you
to go outside and work at the bar.
It's like, no, I don't want to.
God.
We're going to obviously jump into Kristen,
a.k.a. Horseface No. 1.
We will tear her apart
very shortly, but
for now, at least the portion that was on
Beverly Hills, she was just being ridiculous.
Lisa asked her to
work at a separate bar from her boyfriend,
and she threw a fit.
And she said no, and then she said she wouldn't be
treated this way. She's a 30-year-old
woman, and she doesn't like
the way that Lisa looked at her, etc. Here's a newsflash. She's your boss, not your friend. She's a 30-year-old woman, and she doesn't like the way that Lisa looked at her, etc.
Here's a newsflash. She's your boss,
not your friend. She can look at you
any damn well way she wants, and she can tell
you what to do however she wants, and she
can speak to you in whatever manner. You're
so stupid.
Well, in fairness, you know Lisa
is only their boss when it's time for TV.
Like, she hasn't been to service since the last
season ended. And suddenly, she's coming in. She's in everybody's fucking business all the time.. Like, she hasn't been to Surrey since the last season ended. And suddenly she's
coming in, she's in everybody's fucking business all
the time. I mean, I wouldn't like it either, but
look, she's giving you a minimum
wage job and a TV
show. So just be thankful.
Because that's the only thing you're ever gonna do.
So just be thankful. Yeah, be very
very thankful. So anyway, um...
I like when she's like, I'm
30 years old! I can't believe someone would talk to me like that. I'm when she's like i'm 30 years old i can't believe someone
would talk to me like that i'm not a baby i'm 30 and now she stomps her foot yeah crosses her arms
and pouts off yeah so that shows her dick i also by the way i also liked how she said like
at this point i would rather be asked to go back to sir that would make my life easier as lisa's like you know what i want you to go back to search she's like really are you
serious she just thumps off like at least have some logic at least yeah follow through with
your proclamations um so anyway so the party's going on and then that's when we meet our first
our two new cast members so first to walk in is carlton who is neither black nor man it's actually nor a cigarette no a
cigarette nor a college in Minnesota imagine if a college just walked in like
a university just like on here I don't know why the university is so o fish but
so Carlton walks in and she sort of looks like Shirley Manson meets Pocahontas, you know?
Like dark jet black hair, big long hair, sort of sunken cheekbones, a bored look in her eyes.
That's very disdainful.
And I have to say immediately I actually really liked her because she was so snobby right off the get-go.
Well, she's one of those typical hookers who's snobby because she married a rich guy.
Like, listen, you've got the cheapest D-sacks I've ever seen in my life.
Like, you could give enough saline to, you know, wet an entire African village's contacts.
In the opening, you're in some glitter corset with a feather boa.
Your eyes are stapled open, and you've got the cheapest weave I've ever seen in my life.
And you walk in and act snotty?
Bitch, please.
Well, she is in the vein of Carrie from Marriage Medicine, in which she has a British accent of some sort.
And she feels like that has given her license to be snooty, which, of course, she shouldn't be.
be snooty which of course she shouldn't be because she then uh after acting all highfalutin uh announces that she has three children named destiny with an eye uh mystery or maybe mystery
has the eye maybe they both have the eye and cross so listen you can't act like you have
pristine taste when you name your kids that i'm sorry it's ridiculous yeah that's one of
those girls who's like finally gets married to a rich ugly guy and she's like i want dolphins at
my wedding and then they do it like and you know people are calling you tacky because you've got
dolphins at your wedding like you can have them you can do that if you want to but you can't get
mad at us for laughing that you've got dolphins at your wedding okay and that's your child saying
and i love that she
actually said, because the other new girl,
who's like, I'm so young and thin and
beautiful. Oh, it's so nice to be
thin. Oh, hello, my
name is a thin person. Who are you?
I'm younger than you, but you know what it's
like to be so young. You remember, right? All
the way back then. She's going to get eaten alive,
that bitch. Oh, sure. But I love
that she kind of, her and her, like, fat
gap-toothed husband were making fun,
and by the way, congratulations, fat
gap-toothed guys, because all you really
need to do in Beverly Hills is to make
a little money, and suddenly you're like
Robert Redford. Everyone just
forgets the fact that you look kind of like
a gas station employee.
So anyway, that guy
and her were kind of laughing at the names because who wouldn't,
you know?
And she's like,
here's the thing with me.
Don't fuck with my children's names.
I'm like,
I love that.
That's your thing.
Like,
don't,
don't fuck with my children's names.
Like stop naming them stupid things.
That's,
that's the first way to prevent that.
You know,
there,
you know,
it's like preventative medicine.
This is like preventative,
like baby naming. Don't name the mystery. Okay. Don't. You know, it's like preventative medicine. This is like preventative baby naming.
Don't name them Mystery.
You know who's named Mystery?
The stupid guy with the big hat on the show about the game.
You know, that's who Mystery is.
And you've never heard that.
You know who Mystery is?
It's a bookshelf at Barnes & Noble, okay?
It's where old ladies go so they can find a book to read over Christmas.
It's not a name.
You gave birth to a book to read over Christmas. It's not a cheap name.
You gave birth to a bookshelf.
It's a very long, intensive labor.
I have to say, I still like her, though, because one thing that I love is misplaced snobbery.
When you don't really deserve to be a snob, but you're still a snob anyway, I enjoy that. And i also have to say beverly hills now has the most
crazy accents out of all the other casts i thought miami had it for the longest time but between
yolanda's dutch accent two different british accents and now we have whoever this other
woman is joy joyce what's her name do we know her name jocelyn where's gerard and uh what's the
other one is carlton gabby or gabby or something carlton carlton's which i and what's the other one is Carlton Gabby or Gabby or something like that?
Carlton is a witch.
I love that, by the way.
Carlton is on the Chamber of Commerce, which for some reason cracks me up that this woman who is like a witch and very snooty is also on the Chamber of Commerce.
Yeah, I really think that that should be the spinoff because everybody is on the Chamber.
And I love that the other new girl, Joyce, is a potential.
Yeah, exactly. That's what I love. She's aspiring to be on the Chamber of Commerce I love that the other new girl, Joyce, is a potential member. Yeah, exactly.
That's what I love.
She's aspiring to be on the Chamber of Commerce.
Let me tell you something.
Whether you're in the Chamber of Commerce or Beverly Hills or Podunk, it's all the same shit.
You're sitting in a crappy boardroom with a few, if you're lucky, some Pepperidge Farm cookies, but chances are maybe some Costco thingies.
And you sit there and you probably talk about flower boxes on the sidewalk.
Yeah.
Whose daughter is going to present the Golden Globes this year?
Oh, is that what they do?
No, that's the...
I don't know.
That's one of some Chamber of Commerce awards.
Like, the commie goes to Kyle Boutique.
The commie.
Everyone's treated the same at kyle's boutique
no capitalism here they just split the profits and
call it a day i do love the idea of a chamber of commerce award being called a commie
we would like to celebrate your great advances in capitalism by giving an award dedicated to communism.
I'm sure that the city will go communist if Kyle winds up on the Chamber of Commerce.
It's just a red scarf with your name, like, sharpied onto it.
But we're being so elevated this week, talking about communism.
I know, you guys.
Welcome.
We started with gay bashing, and now we've elevated to politics.
Now we're in communism.
Polly Polly.
Yeah.
So then there was immediately some friction because, I guess, because Kyle has really nice hair, but Joyce has nicer hair.
So obviously that is just what that won't do.
Well, I caught a little tiny bit of Whitney Cummings, who, by the way, what a horrible C-word that woman is.
Have you ever listened to her at all, Whitney Cummings?
Wow.
Tell me.
I guess I should have known that she was a horrible person.
And you'd think that that would make me like her, and it semi did.
But I heard some podcast she was on that was like two and a half hours long so i got a big dose of that bitch and then
she was on watch what happened so i knew it was coming but every question her answer was so rude
and i was like we're not too rude for bravo after all i guess if you're famous first but she was uh
andy said like whose hair is better uh You know, because, of course, he has to start shit.
Right.
So it's like, whose hair was better?
And she's like, well, that Joyce woman.
I mean, no, he said, who should win the award for best hair?
And she said, whatever Indian woman that got scalped to make that wig on that Joyce woman should win the award.
I was like, damn!
Damn, girl girl and good call
would you like it would you like to be matt whitfield on watch what crap i know
she's like yeah really not busy at all i'd love to come on your show yeah um well let's see what
was i think the only other significant thing that happened on the episode, aside from the general bickering or whatever, is
at one point, Randy encountered
Sheena, our favorite waitress,
from Sir, in
the kitchen.
And I guess Sheena had an incident
where she fell over and knocked out
her two front teeth. That's what
happens when you try to give a blowjob to a statue.
Sheena, you should learn.
She's like, I saw the big statue in Azusa
and I just wanted to make him smile.
The founder of Azusa has a statue.
She probably got curb stomped by somebody's
wife.
Or she was probably like, I'm not getting enough
attention. I need more
gums.
She's like, I'm not getting enough attention. I need more gums. I know.
She's like, I'm sick of these baby teeth.
I want my new ones to come in quicker.
Oh, wait.
I forgot I had other baby teeth.
I'm a singer.
Music producers like gums.
So what I loved is that Brandy, of course, was just so happy to point out, like, oh, what the fuck happened to your tooth?
And she was like, well, I fell out, and it went gray and it went gray and it got infected so yeah it's been really tough
i'm so embarrassed and then and then brendan's like oh that's too bad and then of course she
like goes running off to lisa and starts crying and she's like it's my tooth does my tooth look
really bad does it look really gray i'm really self-conscious about it i'm like listen sheena
the truth is the least of your problems your entire face is like the gray tooth okay
it's just god no kidding that just needs to die and fall off and start over i know
it just it just needs a lot of fluoride just just stick your face in a fluoride bath
get a get a whitening strip and just wrap your face around it like a mummy
um uh i love i love that brandy did that i think you know what she's right karma's a bitch and you
know what well i love that she knows just feels like this is a recurring thing because this is
something that happened on miami too it's like i said i was sorry like honey you not only fucked her husband you dated him for
years like it wasn't like you just fucked him in a bathroom like you've been with the guy
yeah you don't get to just say you're sorry and then everything's okay it doesn't work like that
like she's gonna hate you forever deal with it and you're a waitress yeah so if somebody asks
you what the fuck you just tell them and move on with your day yeah you have to expect that if you
show up to a party with brandy glanville and you have a rotting front tooth she's gonna point it
out okay just just just it's like if you have an eye patch or if like if your hair falls out
brandy's gonna point it out and just accept that all right yeah that's what she does. And I like that she's like,
what would it be like if I
said, what's wrong with your face? How come it doesn't move?
And I was like, are you kidding?
Because neither does yours. At least
she has an excuse. Bitch is
past her expiration date.
What's your excuse? Yeah, and at least
she actually looks fantastic still, I think.
Even though her face is a little bit more plastic.
I don't know. I actually found a picture of her looking just like RuPaul in the very beginning.
Okay.
I believe that.
I believe that.
You know, I'm kind of frightened.
But I like the girl.
You know, I trash Brandi here a lot only because she's probably one of the most horrible people ever on Housewives.
She's going to screw every person she comes in contact with.
She's just going to screw over and betray
at some point. I just see it coming.
And she's going to do it because she's not buying
a home. She's leasing a home, which
means she has to work the rest of her goddamn life
to keep that thing up. And it's just
not going to happen. So let's just face
the truth here. No, Brandy's
not going to be true to anybody. So just
be prepared for that, everybody. But
that said, I actually like Brandy. I think it's it's fun and i'm gonna enjoy watching her screw the entire town
over i agree so the tooth incident actually served as our segue into the vanderpump uh rule season
premiere they did the same thing that they did uh last season where the two shows kind of like
flowed together and um so the way the Vanderpump premiere started
was Sheena actually delivering the quote of perhaps the year.
In fact, let me pull it up before I even pronounce such things.
I believe you did it.
She says, I'm a singer.
My mouth is literally everything.
Oh, my God.
To me, once you said that, I was like, oh, yes, we are back in Vanderpump Rules.
We are back with the most vapid cast on all of television.
They sure are, man.
And they really played that up.
I mean, they came back ready to fight over, like, who didn't marry the Katchups?
I mean, they're ready to go.
They're ready to rip each other's faces off. They are.
So, the first thing that happens
is that the
party ends, and then they're
like, well, what do we do? Like, what are we supposed to do?
And Kyle's like, well,
isn't the rule supposed to be that you're supposed to leave
everything as you found it? And then some stupid girl
is like, fine, let me go make your bed.
Like, shut up.
Don't take it so literally you stupid idiot i know i
love that they're shocked that they have to like clean up after they have a party like no just
leave all that food on the table you guys thanks for coming yeah i mean it was like the biggest
group of idiots of all time i mean which we shouldn't be surprised it's just such an odd
thing because now they're tv stars but they're still waiters i don't understand how that works
exactly because a friend of mine introduced me to sheena because she i don't know she's friends
with all those people a bunch of fucking idiots in real life too let me say that yeah so but you
know granted again like i said every like i last year, every episode we talked about this show.
It's one thing for me to talk about Real Housewives because they're ladies like they're in their 40s and 50s.
Like, I don't mind that.
But these I feel like they're children.
And oh, my God, if anybody followed me around when I was that young.
Oh, Lord.
So part of me feels semi guilty.
And like she was really nice.
But I was shocked because they were all really working.
Like, they were all working at night.
It was so weird.
I felt so bad for them.
Excuse me.
Kristen, as she mentioned several times, is 30.
Okay?
Don't feel bad.
These are not, like, spring chickens.
These are not 17-year-olds.
These people are well into their 20s.
Some of them even have babies, okay?
We do not
feel any sense of remorse.
These are through and through
vapid idiots.
They may be nice. Some of them may be nice.
But I have yet to
figure out which ones those are.
But these are vapid idiots
who are dumb, and
they are actually in a wonderful deal with the devil.
Because they are now famous, but the only way they can maintain their fame is if they stay at their low-level position.
Which is actually a brilliant paradox.
Not paradox, but a brilliant twist of fate for them.
Yes, okay, okay.
I'm done feeling terrible for those dumb doves.
So anyway, they make their way out of the catering gig, and they head to the parlor room in Hollywood.
And I'm like, oh, great.
They have to besmirch a lovely bar.
I know.
Welcome to Little Armenia at that place now.
Thanks a lot, jerks.
Thanks.
So they're all there.
And one of the things that we learn is that Jax, he got his job back.
He's got everything back in his life except for Stassi.
And Stassi hasn't taken Jax back, but she loves leading him on and making him work for it.
And then she gives a quote, which I thought was hilarious.
She goes, yes, Jax is a compulsive liar, but a girl's got to get laid sometimes.
Stassi was actually super funny this episode and i think it's because we're
just used to her horror show personality it's kind of like how all the villains of the disney
films become your favorite after a while because it's like all the goody two-shoes just always win
and it's like when's the bitch gonna get something you know every girl needs to eat so it's nice to
see stassi just like kind of raking everybody across the coals here's here's the thing for me stassi is a through and through bitch like she is just an
awful vile person like from the depth of depths of her soul every like cell in her body is like
evil and vile and terrible and you know just one of those people in life that is really, like, has come up from the gates of hell.
Now, the other girls, that's just the way Stassi is.
That's just who she is.
And that's why we hate her and love her, whatever it is.
And we understand it after meeting her parents.
Yeah.
But the other girls, what's happened is they've had a few months to reflect, which is a big deal because reflections don't come easily for these women.
And they've realized, oh shit, everyone cares about Stassi and no one cares about us.
Here's an idea.
We're going to come on and be super bitchy and crazy for screen time now.
So that's why you have like Kristen being like off her rocker, over the top, and Sheena too.
And you can see it's just two girls wanting to be on TV.
Whereas Stassi, it really comes from an organic place.
Her evilness is an organic evil.
And so I think that Stassi right now,
we spent so much time dealing with the fake evilness
that it almost made you sort of appreciate and enjoy Stassi's real evil.
And that's why I think she came off seeming nice.
Yeah, like you
said about Horsey 1 and 2.
I don't know if they listened to this show or if
someone told them that they're called Horsey Face
1 and 2, but one
of the Horsey Faces made the most
awkward transition
ever to not look like Horsey Face
number one. And it makes me feel
guilty. I feel like
you and Matt are to blame for that.
Well, you too.
Don't act like you were not part of this.
I'm a good person. I don't say anything bad
about anybody.
We'll ask the gay guy at Kyle's Boutique
before he throws himself off a bridge.
It does not get better.
Yeah.
She came in with
really bad telenovela red hair and some kind of weird eyebrow thing and
just a you know it's like if you're gonna work on something during your time off make it your
personality read some books you know learn a skill maybe learn to cook or go to an acting class i
don't know. Do something.
But just that hair, no.
That's not going to work.
The hair did not totally work.
And Kristen, a.k.a. Horseface No. 1, the reason why I don't feel so bad making fun of her physical characteristics as opposed to other people when I usually do.
I feel guilty afterwards.
I usually say I'm really not a bad person.
But her – i said this a
lot of times many times last season i i feel like it's a fair game with kristin because she was the
one who had that famous quote that said like you know people who work at sir just like hotter than
everyone else like sorry deal with it sorry uh we're prettier than you it's like oh sorry i mean
in fact people don't pet horses because they're pretty. They pet them to stop
them from getting kicked off into the mud.
She's starting to look
less like a horse and more like that thing
from Winnie the Pooh.
Eeyore? Whatever his name is. I don't know.
Her teeth are going in different directions now.
Her teeth are like her relationship with Tom.
They're just drifting apart.
I think she's probably watched his show and her own
personality has gotten on her nerves so much that she's grated her own teeth crooked.
Yeah.
So she's like, I'll change it and get a new haircut.
So one of the things that's going on with Kristen, one of the reasons why she's acting like this unhinged crazy lady is because her boyfriend, Tom Sandoval, I believe it is.
He who's the one who shaves his face like Caroline Manzo,
he went to Vegas and banged a cocktail waitress.
Okay, first of all, memo to these girls.
When your boyfriend says he's going to Vegas,
just know there's going to be an abortion down the line, all right?
Just know that and accept it.
And either say, don't go to vegas or say have fun in vegas
you're paying for the abortion okay but they're not mad like it's like you know it's like getting
mad that the scorpion stung someone who attacked it like it's just in their nature with these
idiots yeah don't be surprised that the guy you're dating who shaves his face is an animal
like come on there have been there. Yeah. I mean, these guys
just love a cocktail waitress in Vegas,
don't they?
They just see a hole in a
short skirt, and they are ready to plug it.
Yeah, it's like Halloween.
People passing out candy are going to take a piece,
especially when you're not getting any candy at home.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Or if the candy just looks like
a seahorse. A horse face.
No one wants horse face candy. That's
why there is not horse face flavored M&Ms.
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Yeah, it's like, you know, she's like the thing of Smarties
and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are over in Vegas.
Okay?
She's made of bucktooth cacao and the real chocolate is in Vegas.
So I wanted to go through really quick.
We are assholes.
I'm sorry, everyone.
We're being totally offensive.
We're the worst.
I love it.
We're awful.
But it's also from watching like 10 hours of Bravo this week.
I mean, everybody on these fucking shows is horrible.
They're just starting shit and trying to ruin each other's reputations
and each other's lives.
To have a storyline on a show, they're all
fucking vile, disgusting human
beings, and they make me so fucking sick
that by the time we start doing this,
I'm just grossed out with humanity. It's like,
you know, I feel like people listening
to us on this show are getting us how
we are in the car. Because you know how in the car
you can really tell what a horrible sexist racist somebody is even a preacher in a car would be like
you fucking idiot get out of the street hey why don't you go have another baby you cow you know
right and i feel like we really let it shine on this show and i don't know that that's good y'all
vanderpump rules brings out the very worst you know what it is vanderpump rules is Stephen King book, Needful Things, you know, where the devil comes into a town and he gives everyone a little gift.
And everyone loves their gift.
And it brings out the worst of them.
And the entire town ends up killing each other because the gifts do that.
That's what Vanderpump Rules is.
It's like a gift where you can hate watch it unlike any other show, but then you become a vile person in the process.
I feel like it's like the Stephen King book, Thinner,
where somebody makes a deal with the devil,
but then they just keep getting thinner and thinner until they die.
I feel like it's like The Shining,
where I just want to swing an axe at every wall until someone dies.
I feel like it's like Misery, just because of the title.
I feel like it's like Christine, because it makes me feel like I'm in a car that wants to kill me.
I feel like it's like Under the Dome because you expected it to end in 13 episodes.
And then even though it was really terrible, it's insisting on coming back.
I feel like it's like Pet Sematary because they all sound like a bunch of dying cats.
And I feel like even if I tried to put myself or this show out of its misery, it would resurrect itself and haunt me.
And also it's like Pet Sematary because even though there might be a cute baby on it, you still want to see it get hit by a semi truck.
And I feel like it's like Carrie because all I want to do is pour a bucket of blood over Stassi's head.
Last word. You get the last word i couldn't figure out a way that it looked like jaws he didn't stephen king didn't do jaws oh yeah that was steven spielberg you see i started running my
stevens together it's time to stop it it's okay i was like oh my god i was like i need another
stephen king i was like it's like it because stassi looks like a clown that lives in the gutter.
Can we use some Richard Bachman books here?
Okay.
I wanted to.
Oh, go ahead.
No, I was just going to touch on the Sheena stuff for a party, but you want to talk?
Oh, no, no, no.
Let's please talk about Sheena's party.
Yeah, I mean, let's.
This is a very important party, everyone.
So the big thing with Sheehan is that
Sheehan and Saskia become
really close friends, and then, you know,
she had oral sex with a statue,
and lost her two front teeth,
and had to go get, like, surgery.
It was like real surgery.
It was like six and a half hours, and she woke up twice.
It was six and a half hours,
and I woke up and realized
I was missing teeth. Like, twice. I was texting to have hours, and I woke up and realized I was missing teeth.
Like, twice.
I was like, why are they putting things in my mouth?
This buffet is all wrong.
She's like, I thought I was at Sizzler, but I'm like on my back, and someone has tools in there.
So, she was upset because...
Somebody texted me when I was in the hospital.
I love that it's all a text.
A text would make it all better.
And I love, by the way, when Stassi was like,
you were at the dentist,
you weren't dying or anything.
She's like, yeah, but if I didn't go to the dentist,
I would have had to have gone to the hospital a few days later.
Congratulations on your theoretical hospital visit. It's like that time when like i almost tripped and if i had
tripped i would have maybe gone to the hospital so thanks for texting me everyone you're oh my god
so stacy eventually said she was sorry or whatever just to get it over with because
she knew that at this point she was just giving time air time
yeah she was like just say you're sorry and be
done with it they're a bigger fish to fry and
I'm gonna fry motherfuckers
another thing my favorite
thing was the end of the episode because
drunk ass horsey face number
two was leaving because she was
being mean to she
because because she had brought up
the fact that now one had texted her
after the oral
surgeon.
They were like, oh my god, again.
That's what this whole show
sounds like to me.
You are, you are, you are.
I hate you.
But
at the end, so Kristen passes,
I think it's Kristen or Katie. I don't know.
Horse face number two.
Passes by Shiana's boyfriend who's wasted.
And is like, I'm sick of your girlfriend being a bitch.
And he's like, you're a bitch.
And then they start fighting.
And then her boyfriend starts fighting with Shiana's boyfriend.
And then Shiana comes over and she's like, whoa, whoa, babe, what are you doing?
And he's like,
he starts sobbing
on her shoulder.
Shay, Shay, Shay, what's going on,
you Shay?
Oh my god with that show.
Okay, and here's the last thing I have to say about that show.
I cannot
handle
motherfucking Pandora and her ass on this show that better not be a
thing yeah i i she she shouldn't be first of all she's got a hot husband just you've got your hot
wealthy husband and you've got all your money go to the bathhouse pick up your husband and go on
date night what what are you doing what are you doing hanging out with all these like waiters and
waitresses you should be hanging out with all these waiters and waitresses?
You should be hanging out with the rich people of your age, okay?
You should be hanging out with the people that go to the polo lounge for dinner just to get a drink, a $25 drink.
Why are you hanging out with these stupid losers?
These are the people that we are supposed to be hanging out with.
Totally.
And not only that, but if you're going to hang out with them, don't just imitate your mom the whole time because you're not her.
Like, you can't just steal the bitchy part of your mom and, like, the authoritative part of your mom and not the wit.
Because at the end of the day, you're just bossing people around at a birthday party and you sound crazy.
I mean, Pandora, you seem very nice.
You're super cute.
Please just stay off this show now if you change your ways and you come on here
as like some drunk slut taking everyone's boyfriend and hitting people okay yeah i could i could do
that but not not not just as a substitute for your mother i know she's very busy but you know there
are other managers that serve yeah absolutely and you know what i know there's this whole drama that
stassi feels like sheena is now best friends with Pandora and Stassi's on the outs.
And I love that Stassi's like, Sheena's been telling her things to make her hate me.
I'm like, you know what? Sheena didn't have to tell her anything.
All she had to do was watch one episode of this stupid show and she would hate you.
Be like, oh, oh, wait a second. My friend is a huge bitch.
Never mind. Never mind. I'm never going to hang out with you ever again.
Yeah, exactly.
So I wanted to, just on our little break between shows,
I wanted to go over some Facebook comments.
On our Facebook page, slash Watch What Crappens,
we get together every week at about 4.30 Pacific time
to talk shit about what you guys want to talk about on the show.
So I wanted to just go through some of them.
Shiana's great tea.
It's a talk of the party.
Mauricio
looking, this is from Angela,
Mauricio looking the hot new Latin girl up and down
in that creepy Mauricio style, and the
fact that Lisa has clearly adopted Shiana.
Angela.
That came out all wrong. Angela says, oh, and Pandora.
I just can't with her.
Gallery Girls theme song was playing on some commercial.
Hold on.
There was something really good in here.
Oh, well, speaking of theme songs, you know, I don't know, Ronnie.
When you produce a show, I'm not sure if you put on a musical tag at the beginning anymore.
That shows how often I'm always listening to this.
But whenever I produce it, when it's my turn to produce, like this week it will be,
I found this piece of public domain music from Apple that I've been using since the summer.
And they started playing it midway through Vanderpump Rules.
And I thought, they're playing the Watcher Crappens theme song right now.
Bravo actually has been caught a couple of times in the past couple weeks
using music from GarageBand.
All the reality shows do it, actually.
I can tell that they do it.
At least Beverly Hills does it.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills does it.
But you know what?
If you're going to steal that violin quartet or whatever the hell you're going to do,
at least modify it.
I mean, they modify it.
They'll change the notes or change the rhythms you're gonna do at least modify it i mean they modify it they'll
like change the notes or like change the rhythms of a couple of the violin notes so that it sounds
slightly different but i mean lately they're just like dragging and dropping that shit and
sending it to print come on guys make an effort yeah like we do it because we don't want to spend
put any money towards making a theme song right because bravo keeps fucking copyright infringing
our asses everywhere we post jerks i did make the banter with ben and lisa theme song. Right, because Bravo keeps fucking copyright infringing our asses everywhere we post.
Jerks.
Although I did make,
the Banter with Ben and Lisa theme song,
I did make on GarageBand one afternoon,
but I was bored,
and I don't think I have it in me to do it again.
I think I'm just going to make us a Watch What Crappens song,
and it's going to go,
Watch what crappens, watch it.
The end.
Yeah.
I was doing a little bit of percussion.
Okay, so let's move on,
because we've got a lot of shit to go.
Okay, let's go right into Atlanta or Miami.
What do you want to do?
I say we go through my jammy real quick.
My jammy.
Okay, let's do two episodes in the space of one,
because the second episode was so worthless,
it's barely even worth talking about.
First episode, which was on Sunday night,
the women went to Vegas
for Joanna's
bachelorette party. So this, I guess,
constituted the trip of the season.
And considering it lasted one episode
and was basically
the second to last one, shows
how much love this series got
from Bravo. But you know what, though?
Like we've said before, those women did not bring
it this season. And if they don't get picked up,
it's their fault.
Yep, and they didn't even bring it at the end.
I really thought they would, but
they just, you know, it just...
They're just not compatible.
Like, you would never believe that any
of them are friends. Like, Leah on that Las
Vegas trip looked like she wanted to fucking shoot
herself in the face. She was not having
it, any of it. And it's
because she's hanging out with, like, ex-strippers
who are drunk, you know,
20 years her junior. Why would she want to hang out with
them? And then that part
where she was dancing with that black midget,
I couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't do it.
How fun was that?
It was just not okay.
Yeah, I just, I wasn't given.
You couldn't even get into it at all. I want to tear it down! Oh my god. It's not okay. Yeah, I just wasn't given. You know what I'm not doing this engine?
I'm not doing it at all.
I want to tear it down.
Oh, my God.
Hey, you're little.
Get on a platform.
Change your life.
Yeah, it was.
I mean, I honestly don't remember too much from the Vegas episode.
Lisa was, like, drunk and super annoying.
Lisa is, you know, she's just, there's not a lot going on with her.
You know, she just, she
drinks and she cries over
Lenny and that's what her life is.
She has nothing going on. Yeah, she
sold out, married an ugly rich guy, didn't get
a job and now she's bored as fuck with her life.
And I don't blame her, but you know what?
Do something for somebody else.
Join a charity.
You know, do something. and i just figured it out
too watching this like she's been refusing to get a surrogate for the past few seasons and that was
the end of her storyline she supposedly found one which she didn't even they lost it whatever i
don't believe that she ever had one and the reason that she's not doing that is because if she lets
somebody else have those kids she feels like she's to have less of a claim when Lenny leaves her ass and she has to take him to court.
And you know that that's the truth.
Yeah, she's so nervous right now because she knows she's a trophy wife.
I mean, that's all she is.
She is truly a trophy wife slash blow-up doll.
Well, take it.
You know, go to school.
Like, learn a trade.
Your husband will pay for you to go to school or do something.
You know, get a damn job, woman.
She's pathetic.
Yeah, she's just nervous because she knows she can't lock it down right now.
Her uterus is not helping her out, and she needs to lock that down.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just can't bring myself to care about her because there's nothing real there and she keeps on trying to almost um
she tried to like imbue herself with some sort of self-importance she keeps on saying like uh
well you know i i'm really the the glue that binds all these women together and you know i
realize i'm so much stronger than ever real it's like no you're not the glue you're not the glue
at all okay you're you're barely a rubber band okay you are you're just a person who exists who talks to different people sometimes at the same
party like that's all that's all you do lisa yeah you're just a shit starter shut up yeah so i mean
i don't have like hate for lisa she seems like a nice girl i just feel bad for her and you know
living where we live we meet so many people like her who were just pretty.
And then they took a sledgehammer to their face and married an ugly rich guy.
And I don't know.
There's just like kind of a sense of sadness there.
Part of it is that I'm, you know, ugly and not rich and not married and poor.
So I'm not going to deny that part.
But it's not even really a jealousy.
It's just kind of like, I don't know.
It's like when you see a piano concert and there's like a little kid playing the piano really well.
And then you see him like 10 years later at a wedding and he's just like dumb and drugged out and like working as like a banker somewhere and just did nothing with his life.
Like you had so much potential.
You're so pretty.
You had such giant boobs.
You can put your ankles behind your head.
You could have ruled the world or at
least los angeles yeah and now look at you you're trapped in some gaudy ass mcmansion your own best
friend that you hired left you after you suck some fat out of her it's just sad i don't know
that's i know it's so sad now that's probably why she was so excited to be in vegas and isn't
she from vegas she was excited to do all the shots.
And not only that, I'm sure she was psyched to be on her old stomping grounds with a famous supermodel next to her.
That was probably a huge thrill.
I mean, I would be.
I'd be excited.
I'm not putting it past me.
If I suddenly had like a super famous – well, Joanna's not super famous.
But I had a famous friend.
And my famous friend is like, yeah, let's have a bachel but I had a famous friend, and my famous friend is like,
yeah, let's have a bachelorette party in Katona, New York.
I'd be like, hell yeah!
And I'd be like, oh, hey, everyone, oh, that's just my famous friend.
Yeah, yeah, we're just hanging here.
Yeah.
That would never happen because it would have to be at the Katona Bar and Grill.
And obviously we see why there's an issue with that, because it sucks.
Yeah, that was some sadness for sure.
But I think the best parts of this episode was when Adriana is just like, oh, you know, it was awkward when we saw each other in Las Vegas.
But I'm so glad we did it.
And it's like old times.
And Leah's like, I'm not so sure about that, honey.
She was like, well, you know, here's the thing.
Once I see someone's evil, then that's the end.
I mean, I was like, like wow i was not expecting that and you know good for her and then adriana's like i've apologized three times i don't know what more i have to do it's like a black yes you can't
you've not only been rude to somebody you've had a gang of girls going after this woman like all year in the
like starting as much shit as you can you don't get again you don't get to just say you're sorry
and pretend it never happened yeah dumb biatch leah leah basically pulled the classic lauren
conrad move which was to say i want to forgive you and i want to forget you that's a hills reference for anyone out there
yeah so here are crickets um and as it should be yeah i was actually i was surprised because that
people normally fall for the mushy stuff and i was surprised that leo's basically was like no no no
we're never gonna be the same and we'll barely be friends. And then when she said, honestly, if I never saw her again the rest of my life, I would be better off.
I was like, whoa, that was harsh considering there had just been a quote-unquote reconciliation.
It's okay. You don't have to say anything to that.
Yeah, I mean, we're done with that right there was there was a uh
let's see there was a big fight a stupid fight at the end of the um vegas episode where lisa
was yelling at like alexia which i i liked it really only because you had alexia getting into
a tizzy be like oh well you know you know you you always say you're a man and like you i don't know
i haven't seen a penis on you or i don't know like like i don't
know like peter's man i don't know like why you always say that like oh well you know well you
know we're on a party bus and like oh well you know peter well you know peter she just says that
like everything is like like oh i think you know peter we're getting to the next we're at the uh
next stop oh well you know peter you know like like Peter likes to be at the next stop too, you know.
But he's like, he's like having a hard time, you know.
But like, oh, well, you know.
Oh, my God.
I was so glad to see her storyline end.
And I love that Lisa was like, we have so much in common.
We both have husbands who are possibly gay and never going to touch us and have to console ourselves
with their credit cards and fabulous trips
and clothes and whatever children we manage
to squeeze out of them.
It's just depressed me.
The whole fucking season depressed me.
The way the first
20 minutes or so
of the wedding episode
really pissed me off because it was so
beyond staged. I like that these women all allegedly overslept,
and they're waking up in full makeup like,
Oh no! It's 11 a.m. We overslept!
You know, it was so horrifically staged.
And the worst part was, there's one part where they were totally caught.
Later on, it was the actual day of the wedding day,
when they finally made it to San Diego,
and Joanna's in her bed, and she jumps out of her bed practically, Later on, it was the actual day of the wedding day when they finally made it to San Diego.
And Joanna's like in her bed and she like jumps out of her bed practically and is like, it's my wedding day.
And then her mom like appears like under like the comfort of being like, Joanna.
And it was like so obviously staged.
But Joanna's like, I'm sorry, I just couldn't sleep. And they hit the camera on, there's a clock on screen next to the bed and it said 11 a.m.
I was like, listen, don't act like that.
This is so obviously staged, but don't act like you couldn't sleep.
It's 11 a.m.
When did you go to sleep?
6 a.m.?
Yeah.
Well, I love that if they really did miss it, that the cameraman just fucked with them like that.
Like, we'll just stay in their car. But whenever the cameras are like sitting in their bedroom i'm
so sure like they're sitting there all night just waiting for them to wake up yeah exactly and like
lisa's like pass out in a chair and leah comes over and leah you know i like leah we all we both
love leah but she's not a good actress and she comes over because what happened it was like
it was like a flashback to making
a little video in high school or something like that.
It's like that caliber
of acting. What happened?
She throws ice at her.
It was so... Lisa's fake asleep.
You can see when eyes are opening and closing
to see if the camera's on her yet.
It was so stupid.
Yeah, it was pretty stupid. Glad it's done.
Can't wait for the reunion because you know they're going to rip each other to shreds.
And they've saved themselves on the reunion now twice.
So it'll be interesting to see if they can pull a third.
Yeah.
I mean, last season was great, even without the reunion.
But what I always love about these shows is that the season finale...
Like, not the...
The Orange County season finale is not the the orange county season
finale is always very contentious and there's a lot of tension but something like this this uh
season finale where they're all on a dance floor and they're hugging and like i'm so glad we're
all friends i'm so glad i'm so glad i'm so glad and they got to next week you fucking bitch yeah
yeah um that's why it's kind of refreshing to see when lisa's just
when leah's just like nope i don't forgive you it's over i hate you bye yeah like you don't you
don't just keep to go going through the same cycle and the other thing i really liked about how this
all ended was that joanna got the star wedding and adriana got like the lame wedding that was
kind of made fun of and then it was followed up by like a three-parter for Joanna,
which that was pretty sweet, even though Joanna's not my favorite either.
So anyway, let's move on because I'm bored with our own podcast.
So Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Girl, you know what?
This is a great season premiere.
But of course, I always think Atlanta always starts off strong.
And about midway through the season, it loses its gas.
But right now, it's the beginning of a new season.
And it's good.
It was really good, I thought.
Really good season premiere.
It was really good.
I love the way these ladies talk.
They have some of the best one-liners of all of the Real Housewives.
And they don't even know it sometimes.
Like, Cynthia, everyone supports my vision.
And I just like imagining people surrounding Cynthia going like,
oh, my God, you can see.
Congratulations.
Like, everyone's so impressed with the smallest thing that Cynthia does.
It's like, you saw that.
Good for you, Cynthia.
So let's start with Bori Snorri because we've got to keep the rest up for later.
Here she is, Cynthia, whatever her last name is, again, another season with her drunk, stoned-ass husband.
Yep.
Spending her damn money and not telling her and then forcing her to make business decisions that she's not
ready to make how exactly does she think this is going to end up with peter well the to give people
context what happened was that peter went and bought a uh warehouse across street from bar one
and named it like something like superstar industries or something stupid like that
and he's like whoa we can just move your
bailing industries right into there you know so uh she had to pack up her her office which is a
shame because you know the bailing agency just was just flooded with people and now what you're
going to do in a new location just may not be the same you know all those lines trying to get into
the bailing agency oh my god all those little fat children all over Atlanta wanting to become real models.
Come on.
I started to laugh.
Honestly, when Bravo gave us a fake out, they showed Cynthia crying and they showed a for lease sign in the bail agency.
And I started to laugh.
I was like, ha, ha, ha.
It's finally closed.
And then she's like, we're moving into a warehouse.
Oh, here we go.
Yeah, that was a great beginning and
i love that she is now like trying to have all this attitude to get a personality on the show
i think that that's cute because she still doesn't really know how to do it unless she's sticking up
for nini yeah i don't understand why she is on this show like i really don't know why she hasn't
been replaced yet i think it's just the possible train wreck of watching her drunkard husband i mean the guy's bloodshot and slurring in every scene he's ever done on this show.
And I cannot wait to see him just run it into the ground.
Because you know that's coming.
And then meanwhile, Kenya Moore walks into the bail agency as it's closing up shop.
And she's like, hi!
And she starts talking about how she's being evicted.
And she's like, hi!
And she starts talking about how she's being evicted.
And she was really upset because Nini never sent her a text when she was going through it.
Which, again, goes to this theme of all these stupid bitches on all these shows. They just want attention at all times.
Since when do people need so many text messages?
You know what?
In all their defense
all of them together i'll defend all of them defend them how hard is it to send a fucking
text to say i can't come to your wedding i mean jesus i agree no nini was right because kenya
should have rsvp'd either way because that involves affects money or your husband left you. Whatever it is. Is a text hard?
It's not hard. Let's stop
making it hard. Send a fucking text.
Come on. I don't think that anyone
owed Kenya
a text message to find out
what was going on with her eviction.
Why? Why would anyone care?
Well, also,
if anyone on this cast
is going to send Kenya a text, it's going to be, bitch, you owe me $20.
You're going to pay me that, right?
Because you know that Kenya is totally fucking everybody over.
I don't believe one thing she said and that this crazy woman, she had paid all of her rent.
Bullshit.
You are a broke-ass bitch who rented some mansion so you can get on some TV show.
You have no money.
You've never done – even your YouTube stuff is terrible.
Like, come on, lady.
You don't have a dime to you.
Of course, now she does because she's so crazy that this season she's like this –
I think like the second highest paid housewife of all.
She's – I mean, probably, but she is honestly – she's great in what she does.
She's getting like $100,000, but I don't think they're giving her that right away,
which is why you probably have to finish the season or something,
which is why Bitch is still broke.
Who was the one, one of the housewives made a joke, maybe it was Candy,
who said, surely Kenya would not be evicted.
What with all her DVDs that she's produced and movies and production companies,
surely she is not broke. That was great to me yeah do you remember that yeah yeah i mean like oh
all your videos and all your yeah yeah um but kenya is cray and she's bringing it she's bringing
it and also he's bringing it porsche porsche oh Oh, you know what? Oh, my God. This is going to be Portia's season.
Portia, by far, her scenes were actually the most interesting to me.
Because you know what?
They were actually about something real.
You know?
Yes.
She's going through this divorce with Cordell.
And they're going through a deposition.
The weirdest divorce ever.
And I love her i love her like
faux strong woman act yeah where she's like well he can lock me out all he wants to but at the end
of the day i'm a strong woman and i'm gonna make a list and if he does everything on my list
then i won't leave him. It's like, bitch, he left you.
That's not what we're talking about.
This is not a stance, Portia.
I don't care if he locks me at 245 days a year, which we all know is about three years worth.
I will come back to that job.
I will come back to that jaw!
No, but I mean, even though she is like a very stupid woman, I found that like, I found it compelling.
It was a real thing.
And I did, I thought it was kind of funny too about when she's describing the deposition, she's like, we sat there, we looked at each other face to face.
And Cordell, you know what he did?
He was honest and forthright.
I don't know if because he was under oath or something,
but he was being totally forthcoming.
I'm like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.
I like how she's shocked and almost upset at him for being forthcoming.
Well, I like that she needs more forthcoming
than he changed the locks on you.
How was that not forthcoming?
He was not sleeping with you, speaking to you. He changed the locks on you yeah how was that not forthcoming he was not sleeping with
you speaking to you he changed the locks on you you know one thing i didn't like was nini saying
he pulled a queen move yeah when he you know a real man like our game is this how game is
because that ain't true bitch and i'm sick of her fucking homophobic little remarks
nate yeah i have to say, I'm not like Mr.
Super PC, but I was like, you know,
technically she's sending a message
saying that gay men
can't do chivalrous or proper
manly things.
At the same time, I kind of agreed with her.
Well,
then again, you have to remember
her reference
points in Atlanta. They don't really have the
same gaze i guess that the rest of the world does where they're just like kind of normal guys i mean
they're all like half tranny you know crazy people i don't know yeah sorry trannies i know that was
offensive to you too like there's no way to win um what i do love though is that now porsche and
her family have decided to start insinuating very strongly that Cordell is gay, which I think is great.
I'm like, let's get this.
Well, she flat out said it.
I mean, both of them pretty much said it.
It wasn't only insinuating.
And also we see where Portia gets her preaching from because her mom was the same.
I loved her mom.
You do not deserve this, Portia.
That man, if he was giving you that act, what else was he acting about?
When he did not show up at the hospital, Portia, I knew this was not a man.
This was not a man.
This man just wanted a trophy.
Someone to carry around.
Someone to take around
when he needed someone to take around.
Someone to be on his
mantle, bossa.
I was like, oh my god, we are in church.
And I was like, she was right.
Hey mama!
But you know, here's my thing on all this.
Of course he did. And what the fuck
were you after? True love?
Because you married some football star with a ton of money that everyone told you he was gay.
And had no problem prancing around in glitter dresses that he was buying and following all the rules.
Because you knew the fucking deal that you were getting into.
Don't tell me that he was some great date and, like, swept you off your feet.
All we ever saw of him was belittling you and
treating you like crap you're a girl who came up in atlanta society and needed a rich man
to keep your lifestyle up because how much can a charity really give you and this is what you get
you married a man for his money you know i ain't gonna feel sorry for you porsche sars but at least
you're on tv now and you can entertain me. So thanks.
I like how she's like, I wonder where things went wrong.
I can tell you where things went wrong. When you
agreed to be on a reality show, and
exposed him up to all the rumors again,
and he realized, oh shit, I hate this,
and he decided to drop you.
Yeah, and I like the revelation
that she was,
uh,
the reason he changed the locks on her was because he came home after
after her curfew yeah that's crazy some sick shit right there my god that's gonna be the
most interesting storyline of the season and that's what's gonna hopefully ground the season
and make it compelling because when there's nothing real going on for these women you know
then you you just get stuck with boring shit like rival donkey booty videos.
Yeah. Yep. Pretty much.
We have Phaedra, who's moving
to a new house, and
she has a new son
who she's calling Mr. President.
Oh, Lord.
Lord. And I like that Apollo
wants to build a koi
pond in the back. I'm like,
Apollo, I really don't think that's a wise
choice i would i would do i'd listen to phaedra on this one and just get some you know wire i'm not
i mean iron furniture or something some patio yeah yeah agreed yeah i would not do a koi pond
um and i have to say that that phaedra still fucking kills me i think she is so hilarious
she's naming her baby Mr. President.
Yeah, that's right.
What was her other thing? She called Kenya that beauty queen on baths
out. Yes, that was amazing.
I love me some fades.
Fade was great, especially when she's
with Candy Burris.
Oh my god, Candy Burris
has something to do this year too.
I'm so proud of her.
Yeah, I love Candy.
I love the way she refuted
people saying that Todd
is basically using her for money.
She's like,
I wrote no scrubs.
See?
See, I wrote no scrubs.
I gotta get my Candy impersonation back up the park
it's a little rough right now everyone i'm sorry i have to get it back into into into game game
shit see the way i see it is that i wrote no scrubs so r Riley and my mom, she liked Todd.
I don't know.
It's going to be a long season.
Well, I don't know.
So what is all this stuff about her not liking Todd because he's an opportunist?
Why is everybody saying that?
Have you heard those rumors?
I have not.
I think Todd seems like the most normal person who's ever come onto the show. I think that Joyce should be so lucky that he's coming to Candy's life.
I think so.
I mean, I guess she's saying that
because he was like on the crew or something
when he met Candy
and then they started banging, right?
Listen, if you want to talk about an opportunist,
why don't we talk about the fact that Joyce
was the one who posed in her underwear on this show.
If that's not being an opportunist,
I don't know what is.
Joyce. Oh my god, yeah.
She's a slut. Mama Joyce. Yeah, remember when she did that?
She's a hoe. Yeah, she's a hoe.
That is wrong!
Yeah, I cannot wait.
The best thing about this episode
well, there was a lot of good shit about
this episode, so don't let me
ruin anything, but my favorite part
was the coming this season on Real Housewives
of Atlanta. Oh yeah, it looks great.
Oh my god. That was so much.
A ton of stuff.
All I can remember from it
though is Mama Joyce getting into a fight
and having to be pulled away from someone.
Yeah. Mama Joyce is
about to kick someone's ass. Probably Midget Todd's.
It looked like there were a lot of
fights and a lot of different fights
at different um
different times which makes me think this could be you know sometimes if there's a bad season
there they show scenes from like one fight and they make it look like a lot of different fights
but it's just one fight but this looks like it's gonna be a bunch of fights so that's we like that
yeah this what they showed us was i mean every scene was different and new and wonderful
and i love nini telling uh this wasn't on the next week thing but i love nini telling kenya
enough with that gone with the wind okay gone with the wind is gone oh my god i love this show
i love this show it always leaves me with less to talk about because you can't get
offended yeah yeah and i don't get it's like recapping a sitcom you know it's like this part
was funny too and i just don't get mad at anybody i think they're all so hilarious the only time i
go off is when nini is too full of herself which at this point i'm just used to it yeah and she has
and well her rival now will be kenya because, because Kenya is now the other big personality.
But I think it'll be good. I think it'll be a good clash of the titans.
And we should have a good season on our hands.
I also, by the way, in the coming attractions, the other thing I liked was when Peter announced that Bar 1 was going into foreclosure.
I started to laugh at that, too, because it was like the most obvious plot twist of all time.
Yeah, I can't wait
can't wait for them to lose their money um so let's see we don't have a lot of time left why
don't we move into top chef real quickly to finish up the show oh my gosh i forgot we even had that
one top chef well we can talk about it quickly um the thing that was significant about this episode
was that leah michelle wanted to throw a Halloween party, a vegan Halloween party.
Did you see it?
I did. Of course
I watched that. I love that show.
So, Lea Michele
could not have been more insufferable. First of all,
I loved how she
has this fake modesty
or excitement. She's like, oh my god, I'm like
such a super fan. This is so cool
you guys. I love this so much
you guys are so cool i love this i just wanted to like throw her into a kitchenaid mixer or
something yeah because i feel like she should be like a bitch yeah i want her to be a bitch
i don't want her to like be fake nice yeah she would never talk to a chef she'd be like um i
want no dairy in this except for maybe maybe some cheese, and that's it.
Please go away.
Or she'd probably have someone else tell her.
But then what I also loved was when it came time for the actual Halloween party that they threw,
she was walking around with Tom Colicchio.
And I don't know if you noticed this, but at every station they went to,
Tom, I think because he's maybe excited to be with a star, or maybe because he's maybe like excited to be with like a star or
maybe because it's like a pretty girl he was being like super sweet tom and and so that translated
into him having a really high voice so he kept on walking up to every table and be like hey jim
how's it going what do you have to serve for us i was like what's going on with this voice did
you notice that everything was like oh okay this tastes good i noticed i felt i got kind of a slime bag vibe from tom this week i
didn't really like it he's like trying to be like silly and like cutesy with leah michelle but i was
like tom stop it i was a little disappointed because the season looks like it's got such
great chefs that the fact that three of them made risotto balls was just like
that was bad i love that i thought it was hilarious and then there's a guy who made a
beet pasta when she said she didn't like beets i can't believe that guy didn't kicked off usually
if they say they don't like something and you do it anyway i mean that's as bad as using something
frozen but well what i loved about that was that it pissed off leah michelle and she was like yeah that's true she like she even she with her fakeness could not
mask the fact that she was so upset that someone did not listen to her yeah she's like you did hear
my instructions right match you do know that my boyfriend's dead right oh god uh too far too far Oh, God. Too far. Too far, too soon. Too far, too soon.
We have to sing the rest of this episode.
What else happened on this damn episode?
Who got kicked off of it?
The one who got kicked off was the guy, the annoying guy who made, like, the really bad arancini that looked like an eyeball.
Well, it had, like, an olive for the eyeball, the pupil.
I don't remember.
He was the one who was
like paired with a with a black woman from saint lucia who hated him oh the horrible new orleans
guy yeah yeah oh gross he was disgusting i'm glad he got kicked off and then i don't remember the
quick fire what was the quick fire oh they had to wrap everything in tinfoil oh we saw padma and
gail's moms yeah and i feel like um padma's mom was being a bitch to Gail's mom.
No, she wasn't.
They both were lovely to each other.
They're both horrible. No, I'm just kidding.
They were cute. I don't understand
why wrap everything in foil. I don't know.
You know, it's hard for me to be honest.
I'm just making up shit to say because it was a long time ago.
I think we need to start taking notes
during that one. I know.
Well, there wasn't really much to say, except
I feel like when they do that, everything in foil it's cool but it's
also so massively wasteful it actually kind of upsets me oh god save the dolphins oh okay
fuck that show do you have anything else to say about it because i want to talk about something
else no have you watched style to rock re on this new? I haven't had time yet. I recorded it.
I haven't watched it yet.
What do you think?
I only watched the beginning because I didn't even know it started.
And someone on our Facebook page told us that's really sad that we have a Bravo podcast.
And I didn't even know that shit started.
They buried it on Friday nights.
So I guess they know it's terrible then because it's terrible.
Really?
I'm ten minutes into it, but I'm like,
I downloaded it
off the old intranet because, you know,
I missed the first Epsys.
It's out of sync, so it's kind of
like a bad Japanese movie where they're saying
one thing, but then their mouths are moving.
I think it makes Rihanna smarter.
That's how bad the show is.
Oh, wow. That's actually impressive and talented.
So people are like, look, it's a peacoat.
But instead of buttons, I used bullets.
Is she like, wow, that's a real knockout.
I really feel like I've been sucker punched with that one.
She's like, where did you go?
Where have you been? Where did you go? Where have you like, where did you go? Where have you been?
Where did you go? Where have you been?
Where did you go? Where have you been?
There has to be an umbrella challenge. I'm sorry.
Who can make a cool umbrella?
That is X-rated.
Yeah, she...
I feel like I'm playing...
I think it was her accent.
Because I was like, wow, Rihanna has an accent.
Yeah, she's Barbadoan.
She's like, oh, I tink that.
No, I don't know.
That's terrible.
But it's not like the typical one.
It's like, it's mixed.
It's an interesting accent.
But I like Rihanna because I hear that she tips strippers well.
And I think that that's a good quality in a person.
That's good.
Well, you know, she takes a lick and then keeps on taking.
Ain't
that the truth? She is.
I'm surprised we have not heard a new song from her
in a while. It's shocking.
She has come out with a new song.
But no, not a new. She usually has a new album
out in the fall and she has not had
one. She's like Saw, you know?
Like, if it's fall, then you know it's a Rihanna album.
And I know you're going to lose a limb.
Someone's going to lose a limb in a really grotesque creative way yeah and rihanna's gonna have it
and it's gonna be in your head at all times well i don't know what happened to rihanna but i hope
that her last album did well because i sure liked it where have you been in my life where have you
been where did you go where have you been where did you go where did where did you go where have
you been where have you been i think that was go? Where have you been? Where did you go? Where did you go? Where have you been? Where have you been?
I think that was two albums ago.
Anyway, she's doing great.
If her show on Bravo
that was originally supposed to be for the Style Network
doesn't pan out, I think it's okay.
Yeah, and even if it
only lasts a year, she owns all the licensing
and shit. You go, girl.
So anyway, I think we're
done. Yeah, let's wrap it up. So the Shawzys, girl. So, anyway, I think we're done. Yeah, okay.
So, the Shawsy's Shaw's of Shaw's
Shaw Shaw's starts tonight.
So, I guess we're going to watch
that. What time is that? Is that
8 or 9? Do you know? I don't know. I think it's
already recorded on my receiver. I think it was at
I don't know. I just wait to see if it pops
up on my DVR and then I press play.
Well, I will be going to
the listings program to look at that.
Okay.
So we're watching that, and then we're going to watch all the Housewives and Top Chef,
and what else this week?
That's basically it.
And Vanderpump Rules.
Oh, my gosh.
So this week we've got three effing Housewives.
We've got Miami.
Again, Miami, Beverly Hills, Atlanta, Top Chef.
Next week will have to be a double episode.
Shaws of Sunset.
Oh, my goodness.
There's no way around it.
And we're only going to serve up gossip if it's like really pressing gossip because we just have to get to these shows.
We're in the thick of it, people.
Anyway, you can find Ronnie at TrashTalkTV.com
and find him on Twitter at TrashTweetTV.
You can follow me on Twitter at B-SideBlog.
And please follow me because I haven't gotten a lot of new followers in a long time
and I've just been stagnating.
My blog is B-SideBlog.com.
But most important of all, our Facebook page is facebook.com
forward slash
watch where crap ends. Please
come join the party. We have over
2,000 people who are there
and people are contributing.
Posts are going up all the time. Funny things.
Funny images. Funny Photoshop things.
Quotes. Links. It's
like, it's so much
better than our podcast.
But you should still follow us on iTunes.
iTunes.
Look for Watch Your Crap is on there.
And subscribe.
And on SoundCloud, too.
I think I've gotten all our major platforms, correct?
Yeah, well done, guys.
So thanks, everyone, for listening.
And we may have a double episode next week with all these shows.
So we'll see what happens. We'll talk to y'all later. Bye, everyone for listening. And we may have a double episode next week with all these shows. So we'll see what happens.
We'll talk to y'all later.
Bye everyone.
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Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.
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