Watch What Crappens - #109: 2014 Crappies!

Episode Date: January 7, 2014

2014 is upon us, and before we plan on bettering ourselves, it's time to roll in last year's mud! Join Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV.com) to award the best, brig...htest, worst, dimmest, most disgusting, most embarrassing, haggiest morons on Bravo! Special deal for Crappens listeners! Get your own site! FREE lifetime domain registration with any package! Go to DreamHost here: http://www.dreamhost.com/r.cgi?1533003 and type in the code CRAPPENS at checkout! Thanks for supporting us! Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:32 $1.99 for a domain name is so cheap. Go to GoDaddy.com and enter code CRAPPENS at checkout. You will not regret it. Enter the code CRAPPENS at checkout, you guys. Okay? Love ya! Watch what happens when there's so much that happens. Welcome to the 2014 Crappie Awards! Woo! 14 Crappy Awards! Woo!
Starting point is 00:01:47 Where we celebrate the best and the worst, the gayest and the lamest of Bravo television. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun! Now please welcome your gorgeous hosts, Ronnie Carroll
Starting point is 00:02:03 and Ben Mandelker. guys hey thank you thank you so much thanks thank you for that big ovation i love you on the price is right thank you thank you thank you everyone ronnie it's so great to see you how have you been i've been so good benjamin it's so good to see you look You look so nice in a suit. Thank you. You look wonderful in your periwinkle tuxedo. What an inspired choice for you for this award show. I know.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Usually I try and butch it up a little bit, but it's Bravo. I know. And the top hat is a great choice as well. I thought top hats already had their moment, but you're bringing them back. Yeah, I'm bringing it back. You might notice that I have this bit of hair taped to the back, so it looks like I have long hair. Yeah. But I really like taking off my top hat and then people being shocked when I'm just like a big bald guy. Well, and they're also shocked by when they discover that the hair is really just an old possum you found on a road that you'd stapled to it. Yes, I spent the holidays in Texas.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Yeah. And by the way, I've been loving following your adventures on your Twitter, in Texas. Yeah. And by the way, I've been loving following your adventures on your Twitter, aka TrashTweetTV, and that's also on, I've been following your adventures on Instagram at TrashTalkTV, or RonnieKarem, or one of those. I've been following you on all your platforms.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Well, thanks, Ben. I really haven't posted any adventures, but thanks for looking. I've enjoyed looking at you at B-Sideside blog.com and on every social media outlet ever invented at b-side blog wow that's so great and i'm sure all the uh all the people in attendance here in this audience they all probably heard about this award show on our facebook page facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends. Where, I mean, it's pretty much an award show there
Starting point is 00:03:45 as it is every single day. Yeah. Which doesn't make sense. We give awards to horrible people every day. It makes sense, sure. It makes sense. You know what? It's like the after party.
Starting point is 00:03:53 It's like the award show after party is there, but it doesn't happen after the party. It happens all the time. Yeah. It makes about as much sense as two grown men talking about Bravo shows for two hours a week. Yeah, it certainly does.
Starting point is 00:04:04 And I just want everyone to know that we do have an opening musical number again this year. And once again, I do believe Ronnie is going to be performing it, and he's going to perform it right now. Wow! I'm so glad that we took the time to write this
Starting point is 00:04:19 wonderful... Yeah. Very well written. Yeah. I'm excited to hear it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very well written. Yeah. I'm excited to hear it. Yeah. Yeah. I should have gone to college, but I didn't. I should have gotten some schooling, but I'm dumb. And now when I come home from working hard I watch Bravo gaze like a stupid chump
Starting point is 00:04:56 Housewives and Persians and Mexicans Who are also black and Cuban Wow, that was really wonderful, and we have to give a huge nod to Asim Bahuguna, who is on sitar there. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:16 And I would like to thank David Foster for all the help that he put in on this year's opening song. I'm sure we'll have another musical number midway through the show. But in the meantime,
Starting point is 00:05:29 you know how award shows are. They're always so long. So why don't we get right to our first category? Let's do that. First of all, I would like to present, I would like to introduce Tyler Perry with our first award.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Come on out, Tyler. Is Tyler Perry here? You're Tyler Perry. Oh, you mean like I'm, oh, Tyler Perry. Is this Tyler Perry dresses Madea? Because it's funny. I saw my very first Madea movie over the holiday. And it was really great.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Oh, so Tyler Perry, are you here? Are you here, Tyler Perry? No, Tyler Perry's not here. Okay, Ben, you just do it instead. I'm going to do it because I didn't even know how my Madea voice was going to sound. I didn't want to offend anyone else on our Facebook page who've already accused us of being racist for any time we tried to do a black man's voice, let alone a Tyler Perry voice. Listen, you just wait.
Starting point is 00:06:29 We'll get the candy voice out later. So start writing your letters to the ACLU now. We're saving up our racist impressions for later. Okay. Okay. So our first category is Most Believable Businesswoman. And nominated this year is Vicky from Real Housewives of Orange County, Candy from Real Housewives of Atlanta, I'm sorry, Lisa Vanderpump from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Reza from Shaz.
Starting point is 00:06:59 Well, who do you think is going to win, Ben? I don't know, because I should mention to the people in the audience that Businesswoman is in quotes. So this is a sarcastic award. So I am therefore, hmm, I guess it's time just to open up the envelope, huh? Yeah, just open up the envelope. Very well-produced award show here. Okay, ready? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:21 And the award goes to... The award goes to Lisa Vanderpump from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yay! Yay, Lisa! Lisa wins this because
Starting point is 00:07:35 as anyone who is a businesswoman should know that you always make sure your employees are all sleeping with each other and making ultimatums to you about who they can work with and who they can't work with and yell at your customers. Yeah, Lisa, come up and get your award. Hey, darlings, I'd like to thank Ken for the bank account. Ken, darling, you know, the first time you silently farted in that car on the way after
Starting point is 00:08:01 our first date, I thought, God, can I really marry this sad sap? Then when you got out of that car and there was a little stain on the seat, I thought, God, can I really marry this sad chap? Then when you got out of that car and there was a little stain on the seat, I thought, I can't live like this, darling. And then you stopped at the ATM and you accidentally dropped your Wells Fargo receipt down on the floor cushion and on the floorboard. And when I
Starting point is 00:08:17 was giving you a blowjob after our first date, I saw the balance and I married you and I have not regretted it very many times since. So thank you, Ken. Thank you, Pandora.
Starting point is 00:08:29 For making me look like an intelligent Vanderpump and for marrying a gay man, because they all love me. Thank you. Hey, Lisa. Great job, Lisa.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Great job. That was a wonderful speech. Yeah. So next up we have the best entrepreneurial failure. And by the way, I have a write-in nominee when the time comes. Okay. When you get to the end of the list,
Starting point is 00:08:53 I have a write-in nominee. Okay. We have Bethany. Now, we're not talking about Bethany's skinny lady things, because those did really well and made her a multi multi ten-illionaire, because I think she made made her a multi-ten-millionaire, because I think she made like $50 million.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Well, multi-millionaire, in fact. But did her show get canceled? I don't know, but I think it gets nominated in this category because it is truly a failure of television. It is a terrible, terrible talk show. And we've seen horrendous talk shows over the years, but this really is towards the bottom. So I think that's why it gets listed as a failure. Okay, and next up we have Diamond Water.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Yes, Diamond Water. The Aces Diamond Water from the Shaws of Sunset. Yes. We've also got the Drink Hanky from Princesses Long Island. Which gets a special element of failure to it because one of the models for the drink hanky was Gina Marie from Big Brother, the racist. I forgot about that.
Starting point is 00:09:52 An extra shade of failure. Another failure, Wines by Wives. That's a good one. The Bloody Piggy Vodka by Vicky. And Alexis Valino's Trampoline Park. And then the write-in candidate is The Divine Addiction, Pandora's Multimedia
Starting point is 00:10:12 Empire. Multimedia Slimpire. Yeah. Okay, the winner is... Wait, should I tell you they opened the envelope for you? Yeah. Yes! Wait, should I tell you they opened the envelope for you? Yeah. Diamond Water!
Starting point is 00:10:36 Wow! You might have thought it was the Bloody Piggy, but look, we're in America and people love Bloody Piggies. They do. Although you wouldn't think of it necessarily as a brand, but you know, in Orange County, anything goes. Yep.
Starting point is 00:10:52 So let's bring... No, you know what? I hate Asa, so let's not even bring her up. Let's just move on to the next thing. Okay, so the next category is Best Display of Intelligence. And the nominees are... Anytime anyone on Vanderpump Rules says seriously, seriously
Starting point is 00:11:10 as their argument. Which is, by the way, the go-to argument for Kristen and Katie when anyone walks outside to their little third world sitting area in the back of Sir. When someone comes out they go, seriously, seriously. Seriously. Our next nominee is von from the
Starting point is 00:11:27 new atlanta for his rules about dating um if i remember correctly his rules are basically like you can you can sort of like cheat on whoever you're with as long as you're honest about it yeah and also just von's um general uh sentence yeah and and the way he has grammatical errors all over his motivational speaking lines. The next nominee comes from Princesses Long Island, which is Joey's famous retort,
Starting point is 00:11:56 which is when she says, funny looking. That's a great display of intelligence there. Yeah. Also nominated, Anytime Malibu country is evoked that is also huge display of intelligence right there using Malibu country as the basis of all your arguments and then the final nominee is comes from Real Housewives of Miami which is to say which is anytime you need to justify anything saying oh well you know Peter Peter does this all the
Starting point is 00:12:23 time you know he's just trying to grieve, he's not Yusuf Frankie this way he expresses himself well, I have a I have a write-in nominee and that is Portia from the Real Housewives of Atlanta thinking the Underground Railroad was
Starting point is 00:12:40 literally an underground railroad wow that's a very strong write-in nominee, I have to say literally an underground railroad. Wow, that's a very strong write-in nominee, I have to say. I know, right? So let's give people time to vote. Some last-minute voting. People at
Starting point is 00:12:56 home don't realize this, we actually have the same things that America's Home Video, America's Funny Some Video has in their audiences. So, everyone's voting now in the audience. And I have to say that the best display of intelligence for the year is... This is a surprise.
Starting point is 00:13:15 It goes to Portia not realizing that the Underground Railroad is not an actual railroad. Yay! Congratulations. Portia, come up here and get your award. Wow, dark horse. Thank you. Thank you all.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Thank you so much. I just want to say that, you know, there's lots of railroads that go underground because I've been on a railroad one time and it got real dark in there. So I know what it's like. So thank you. Thank you very much. I wish I could have told Cordell's child about this. We were so close. I was so close with Cordell's child. Okay, Portia, you can leave now.
Starting point is 00:14:00 That was great. That was so moving. Thank you, Portia. That was really good, Portia. Thank you for being a great legacy to the civil rights movement. Yeah. Yes. On behalf of black people everywhere, I'd like to say thanks. Thanks. I think it's your turn
Starting point is 00:14:16 for the next category. Okay, the next category is Best Crazy Bitch. Yeah. It starts with Mama Joyce. Mama Joyce is our first nominee. Good one. Then we have Mariah from Married to Medicine. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:30 And we have Kat from Below Deck. For those who don't remember, she was the blonde girl who was drunk all the time and falling on her face. Literally. She fell on her face. Ryan, Vicky's crazy Iraq war vet son-in-law from Real Housewives of Orange County. Yeah. Vicky from Real Housewives of Orange County. Ashley
Starting point is 00:14:51 from Princesses Long Island. She who wanted a jet to take her from Montauk to Central Long Island. Yes, because people were being mean to her. And Gigi from Shaws of Sunset. Ew. Okay. Here we go. Tell me when you
Starting point is 00:15:07 want to open up the envelope. Okay, here, I'll open it. Okay. Wow. Okay, I've got it open. Alright. Okay, the Best Crazy Bitch Award goes to Mama Joy. Yeah. From Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:15:30 That was a gimme. That was a gimme. Strong category, but clearly she had to take it. I want to thank... Well, normally I would thank Candy. But, you know, Candy and I don't see eye to eye no more. She dating a midget. A midget! A midget with a big old lollipop head.
Starting point is 00:15:53 A big old lollipop head. He ain't even a lollipop. I can't even lick him and get no sweetness out of him. And that is wrong, Candy! That is wrong! You know who's going to get this award, Candy? Not you. Just like I'm not getting your money if you choke on the chicken bone!
Starting point is 00:16:09 Okay. See, now, Mama, I have to come on stage here for a moment because see, now, Riley is so proud of you for winning this award, but then you gotta say all that stuff, Mama, and like, I don't know, Mama, see, that's not right, because I'm very diverse.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Riley told me, Riley told me she hates you, you're an know, Mama, see, that's not right, because I'm Candy Burris. Riley told me, Riley told me she hates you, you're an abusive mother, and Tom tried to have her sit on his lap in the wrong position. That's what Riley done told me. See, now, Mama, Riley doesn't say anything
Starting point is 00:16:39 like that. She did to me. Alright, well, thank you so much, Mama Joyce and Candy Burris for coming up on stage. That was really wonderful. Yeah. Congratulations, well earned. Okay, Ben, you're up with the next award.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Oh, wow. Oh, this is a fun category. This is the best average person who thinks they're super hot. So, nominated is the hottest girl on the North Shore, that's Erica from Princesses, Long Island. Also nominated from the same show as Ashley, who famously said, I'm the hottest looking funny person I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Kristen from Vanderpump Rules, who I believe she said something along the lines of, everyone here is just really hot, sorry. CJ from Below Deck. Vaughn from The New Atlanta. And Reza from Shaz of Sunset. Are we all ready? I'm ready.
Starting point is 00:17:36 You're ready? Yeah. And the winner is Kristen from Vanderpump Rules. Oh my god, congratulations, Kristen. You look so good tonight in your Forever 21 skirt. Uh, like, uh, seriously? Like, this award, like, did Ariana vote or something? Because, like, seriously?
Starting point is 00:17:58 That's like, uh, like, not even cool, this award. Because I am, like, hot. I'm not average. Like, everyone who works at SIRS is, like, hot. I'm not average. Like, everyone who works at SERS is, like, really hot. Sorry. Sorry. Good job. Good job, Kristen. Thank you so much. That was well-earned. That was well-earned, girl. You go. You did a great... Good for
Starting point is 00:18:15 you, Kristen. Okay, our next award is Hottest Husband or Slash Partner. The nominees are Maurizio from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Juicy Joe from Real Housewives of New Jersey, Reza's boyfriend from Shaz, Jack from Vanderpump Rules, or any of Gigi's gay boyfriends.
Starting point is 00:18:38 Yeah, yeah. And the award goes to... That's a big envelope. They sealed that one very tightly. This was a very important category. No one can sneak a peek at it. The winner is... Riz's boyfriend from Shai! Really? I would not have expected that to be the winner.
Starting point is 00:19:13 What do you think makes him so hot? Well, I would like to say thank you guys. I would totally be accepting this award, but I really don't like talking. So I might have Reza do it, or I might have this guy that I met at the swimming pool come up and do it for me, or I met a guy at the post office and he's in my living room,
Starting point is 00:19:34 so maybe I'll have him do it for me. Your time is up, but thank you so much, gay person! Thank you! That was great. That was really great. I might have voted for Gigi's Boyfriends, to be honest, because I still have a thing for
Starting point is 00:19:50 Omid. Well, I think that the audience voted the way that they did because sometimes when you're a big, hairy Middle Eastern person, it's just nice to know that you can find love. That's true. That's true. It's very inspiring. You know what? This award show
Starting point is 00:20:06 is nothing if not inspiring, if I have to say so myself. I have a tear in my eye. Totes. The next category is the person that deserves to go to jail the most. Nominated. Actually, I like this nomination. Joe from Real Housewives of New Jersey, which is funny because
Starting point is 00:20:21 there's many different Joes on that show and they probably all deserve it. Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey, which is funny because there's many different Joes on that show, and they probably all deserve it. Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Carol from Real Housewives of New York. I don't know why she has to go to jail, but okay. Because she probably caused the plane crash. Oh, okay. Phaedra from Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Or Jax for spreading, quote-un quote unquote lades all over Los Angeles. Okay. And the winner is... And the winner is Joe from Real Housewives of New Jersey. I just want to say my wife's a cunt and who cares I mean really who cares so what who cares alright well stated Joe
Starting point is 00:21:11 well stated Joe nice job Joe well spoken yeah I felt that it was emotional so our next category is the ugliest bitch on Bravo alright the nominees are Andy with the beard are Andy with the beard.
Starting point is 00:21:27 Congratulations! Andy with the beard wins! Wow, he dominated that category. Yeah. That automatically goes to you because Andy, out of all the ugly bitches you got on Bravo, don't wear a beard, Andy. Don't wear a beard.
Starting point is 00:21:42 You put all them ugly bitches to shame, Andy. Yeah. I mean, and we don't even have any rules You put all them ugly bitches to shame, Andy. Yeah. I mean, and we don't even have any rules on this show. We could have nominated any of the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey, past or present. Yes. Yeah. We could have nominated a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:21:57 A lot of people. And that beard took it. Please stop it. Being semi-rich and semi-famous, well, truly rich and semi-famous doesn't mean that you could stop grooming. Okay? Make an effort. No, no. We don't approve.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Make an effort. All right. So the next category is most likely to return to the poll slash internet porn. And the nominees are Lisa Hochstein from Real Housewives of Miami, Joyce from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Alexis from Real Housewives of Orange County, or Gigi from the Shas. And the winner is...
Starting point is 00:22:38 My envelope's a little too small. Let me get another envelope. Okay, ready? Ready. For those listening at home, we are now broadcasting from the middle of a Moroccan fair. Okay, ready? Here we go. And the winner, the one most likely to return to the poll
Starting point is 00:22:58 slash internet porn is Lisa Hochstein from Real Housewives of Miami. Yay! Congratulations, Lisa! Come up and get your award! Unfortunately, Lisa is not here to accept the award because she is on the poll and doing slash internet porn. But thank you so much, Lisa.
Starting point is 00:23:14 And you know what? She's finally probably going to get pregnant from that poll. It turns out it was the old person you were married to the whole time. Okay, the next award is for the best cry. The nominees are Brandy
Starting point is 00:23:34 when she's crying about her dog Chica. Candy crying about her mom. Ashley from Princesses. Mom, get me out of here. Um, the Princesses wedding dress breakdown from Chanel. Or Reza crying about, I think, the guy from Iran, right?
Starting point is 00:23:58 What was he crying about, Reza? I forget. He was crying about, like, his issues with himself and, you know, things like that. He was in therapy, just general therapy cry. Oh, well, a lot of that can be solved with simple like simple clippers yeah okay and the winner is it is oh wait oh wait i just ripped up a UPS slip. I needed that. God damn it. Rip up an envelope. The winner is... It's a tie! It is a tie between Reza and Candy.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Both of you, come up to thank Stephanie. Now I just, I, I, I so much to say. I like, wanna thank everyone. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here.
Starting point is 00:25:02 I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you. What an emotional moment. Wow. Wow, you guys. I need to gather my thoughts. Hold on, let me slow my clap down. Slow that down.
Starting point is 00:25:26 By the way, if you're hearing the sounds of construction, that is because we are still building the stage for our award show. We had a snafu with the scheduling, so that's why we only have half of the stage done. So if you're hearing the sound of hammering and construction vehicles, like that beeping, that's what's happening. It basically is that Ben lives across the street from MJ who has found a sale on sliders and needs to be cut out to pretend to go be a real estate
Starting point is 00:25:51 agent so before we get on with our next award it is time for Ben to recite the poem that he's written about this year's Bravo shows. Take it away, Ben. Oh, okay. Here we go. Is everyone ready? Reds. Bravo shows how I have loved you so. From the shahs of sunset to everything I know.
Starting point is 00:26:22 About Orange County and Bloody Piggies and Lisa Vanderpump and her dear Jiggy. There's so much to see, so much to watch even if it involves Jimbalino's crotch. This is a moment for me and for all of us to treasure
Starting point is 00:26:39 because nothing in this life gives me more pleasure than talking about the idiots who work at Sur and wondering whether or not Jax has licked any fur. Recently, off of Stassi's cooch, I never said this would be a nice poem. I've been drinking a lot of hooch. I'm in the zone.
Starting point is 00:27:03 I'm feeling my Bravo. But guess what? Nothing rhymes with Bravo. Wow. Like orange. Yeah. And by the way, that's it.
Starting point is 00:27:14 That's in our new theme song. You may have realized that's one of the lyrics. Nothing rhymes with Bravo. Yeah, that is, that is, that is really good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:22 It was like Sondheim. I'm so glad you, I'm so glad you remembered I had to do that poem. Next up, Ben will be doing an interpretive dance. Well, we're going to have a duet later, which will be really nice. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:36 I think this is my category. All right. So our next category is Best Alcoholic. And the nominees are Randy Glanville for Being a Drunk Sir. Yeah. Kim for Being a Drunk at All Times.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Yeah. Amma Joys for Being a Drunk at Dinner. And the Butch Girl, a.k.a. Cat, from Below Deck. Yeah. And, I mean, this winner is... Ooh, this is a perforated envelope. Did you hear the perforation on this envelope? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:15 And the winner is Kim Richards. Kim Richards? That sounds like my name. No one else should be using my name because I got that copyrighted. It's sad. I used to be a movie. It's me! Oh, it's me! Hi! Thank you all so much. You know, look, I, I, being sober has been one of the greatest journeys I've ever taken in my life,
Starting point is 00:28:45 except that time that my mom drove me to the Grand Canyon. She was going blind at the time and was almost crashing into things. And that's when I had my first box of Franzia. Wow, what a great time. We got there. There was a big hole in the ground. And guess what? I crawled right into that hole, and it was grand.
Starting point is 00:29:02 It was the Grand Canyon. I called Emilio Estevez from a payphone down there. When I rode up the donkey on the way back up there, Emilio drove up on his bicycle and took me all the way back home. I haven't seen my mom ever since. So thanks, everybody! Bravo!
Starting point is 00:29:21 Oh, wait, and here comes Kyle Richards to add something. I was in Halloween. Okay, great. Wow. Great job. Thank you so much. That was almost as much as you said in Halloween. So, thank you.
Starting point is 00:29:34 She had a pivotal role. She really did. Yeah, huge, huge. Hey, I think it's your category. Oh, okay. So, the next award is for the best awful news show. Yeah. So,
Starting point is 00:29:50 that, I'm looking at all these. So, one of them is Vanderpump Rules, even though it's technically, is it new this year? It started in January, yeah. Oh, wow. So, that is new. Vanderpump Rules, Princesses Long Island, Fashion Queens,
Starting point is 00:30:08 Below Deck, Eat Drink Love, Newlyweds the First Year, Married to Medicine, or the New Atlanta, or basically anything that's ever been on Bravo this year. This is a very strong category, by the way. I would have a very difficult time. This is
Starting point is 00:30:23 huge. I mean, you guys at home, you voters at home, really had to work hard for this one. You had to dig deep. Okay, so the winner of Best Awful New winner is... Oh, I heard a ring. I thought we got disconnected. I thought we got disconnected, too. This show is so awful,
Starting point is 00:30:59 it's actually ruining our award show. The show's so bad that it took down Watch What Crappens once and for all. The best awful news show is... Fashion Queen. No. Vanderpump Rules. Okay, I was about to say,
Starting point is 00:31:18 that did not seem right. No, because that would have been right if it was worst awful news show. But best awful news show is that. Thank you. But I will say that Princesses was pretty good as well. And Merit Edison, I actually... Yes, married to heels.
Starting point is 00:31:38 What is that? Blood sweat? Blood sweat and heels. Married to blood sweat heels in the real housewives of Atlanta. Blood, sweat, heels. Married to blood, sweat, heels in the real housewives of Atlanta. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?
Starting point is 00:31:59 Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:32:25 She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret
Starting point is 00:33:15 underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Of the new Atlanta. Can I tell you something about Blood, Sweat, and Heels? early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Of the new Atlanta. Can I tell you something about Blood, Sweat, and Heels?
Starting point is 00:33:50 I wasn't going to watch it, but then I saw a preview for next week's episode where a woman goes, what did she say? She's like, I may be an alcoholic, but you'll always look like Wesley Snipes. I was like, oh, guess what? I am setting a season pass immediately. Setting it immediately. I am watching the show, but what? I am setting a season pass immediately. Setting it immediately.
Starting point is 00:34:06 I am watching the show. But that's this year's show. It's not last year's show. Maybe you guys have a chance next year, okay? You know, I think Vanderpump Rules is a great choice because it's truly one of the worst shows in the history of TV. Worse than Bethany.
Starting point is 00:34:21 It's really the most loathsome people of all time. But it's gone so bad. It's come around. Itathsome people of all time, but it has gone so bad. It's come around, it's looped around, and become my favorite show on TV right now. It is the best awful news show. And as you said, Fashion Queens is just an awful, awful news show. But Princesses, I did love my Princesses, and I don't think
Starting point is 00:34:38 they're coming back. Yeah, I think Vanderpump Rules is kind of like that show Wipeout, where people are just running into walls and stuff, and you're like, why am I laughing at this, but you are? It's like that show Wipeout, where people are just running into walls and stuff. And you're like, why am I laughing at this, but you are? It's like that. Yeah, I mean, I just watched... Except walls are vaginas.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Yeah, I just watched last night's episode, which took place in Cabo. And it's amazing how much bitchery they can include in one hour. And the levels and the layers of the bitchiness are really unparalleled. It's just a phenomenal show. Yeah. They're all equally as awful. They're just terrible, terrible people. I know. I mean, it's great. And can I tell you something? I'm going to Sir today. You are? Why?
Starting point is 00:35:17 It's Lisa Timmons' birthday today, and she wants to get drinks at Sir. So actually, at 5 o'clock, I'm going to Sir. So I am about to head first at Sir's. So actually, at 5 o'clock, I'm going to Sir's. So I am about to head first into Sir's, into the mix of all this Vanderpump Rules silliness. Oh, my God. Well, tell her happy birthday and thanks for the invite. I will.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Tell her both of those things. I'll go, seriously? Yeah. Tell her I said seriously. Tell her she's a bitch. I will. Okay. So the next category is yours, babe I will. Okay, so... All right. The next...
Starting point is 00:35:45 The next category is yours, Ben. Yeah. Okay. This is the award for best Bravo show to make people hate minorities and or women. So these are the shows
Starting point is 00:35:55 that make minorities... That set... Turn the clock back for minorities and women. We have The Shazza Sunset, which does a double whammy on both Persians and gay people. And women. And women double whammy on both Persians and gay people. And women.
Starting point is 00:36:07 And women, too, but mainly just Persians and gay people. Oh, my God. And women. They're all fucking horrible on that show. The mothers, especially. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I forgot all the mothers.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Yes, terrible. And old people. Yeah, and old people. It really works on all fronts. We have Princesses Long um i mean pretty much just sends us back to the days of the dry fist affair in paris france this is like anti-semitism at its finest brought to you by andy cohen yeah um uh we have married to medicine which um reminds us according to marriage medicine basically that like black people um can't be professional or can't be civilized in high society,
Starting point is 00:36:45 which is terrible. Well, two out of nine can. Two out of nine. Oh, I'm sorry. How many people are in that cast? It's basically, it's a terrible show. It shows that women can't act civilized and that black women can't act civilized. That's what that show seems to be teaching us.
Starting point is 00:37:02 With the exception of the one woman who is actually smart and knows how to behave herself. And, of course, Bravo's going to get rid of her because she's going to do too many good things for black women. Because she's like, you are hurting women. Bravo's like, get out. And by the way, for those of you who may be listening right now and are maybe not the quickest, we're not saying that black women can't be doctors or be acts of lies. We're just saying that this show makes it look like
Starting point is 00:37:28 perpetuates that image. I feel like I always have to say that now. Yeah, stop apologizing. That's so gross. Well, sometimes you have to because I don't want to be misconstrued in this society, this world. You never do. Also nominated is Fashion Queens, which really is like, I mean, you might as well
Starting point is 00:37:44 send us back to the front page. No kidding. I mean, you might as well. This is like, send us back. Oh, my God. No kidding. I mean, I wanted to change myself to a fence. Oh, gosh. Jesus. Stop it. Hey, gay people, let's make an effort this year.
Starting point is 00:37:56 In 2014, let's make an effort. Let's stop wearing Wheezy Jefferson's fucking moo-moos. Yeah. Stop wearing Wheezy Jefferson's fucking muumus. Yeah. Let's stop wearing high heels and, like, lashes and saying things like, Fierce, because Fierce is over now. It's dead.
Starting point is 00:38:15 It's been dead since, like, 1998. Let's just stop it. All right, gay people? When you feel like you're even edging over into that lane, stop yourself. Just stop it. All right? Just think of my voice in into that lane, stop yourself. Just stop it. All right? Just think of my voice in your head saying, stop it. Yes. Eat, Drink, Love did a number on women.
Starting point is 00:38:31 That really showed that women can't be professional and can't help but, like, sleep with, like, blur the lines. Like, especially, like, Kat. What's her face? Kat O'Dell, like, basically flirting and having sex with everyone that she writes about, according to the show. Yes. So that was bad. According to her. I mean, not really having sex with them, but, like, flirting with them, maybe making out with them.
Starting point is 00:38:55 I can make or break your restaurant. Yeah. Because I have a blog. On Kat O'Dell. And then also, lastly, newlyweds the first year for making gay couples look terrible, making that one Indian girl look terrible, making black couples look terrible. Once again, really good. Oh my God, white people didn't come off very good in any way. Actually, everyone came off basically marriage.
Starting point is 00:39:17 Everyone was horrible in that. Marriage was ruined by that. Marriage was ruined. But you know what? I think that it opened the door to gay marriage a little bit because I think people just realize it's just all horrible. I mean, hopefully we can just cancel marriage soon.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Yeah. Okay, this is a very tough category and I honestly am not sure who is going to win. My computer is also frozen. Okay, ready? Yes. And the winner of Best Bravo Show to Make People Hate Minorities and or Women is... Shaws of Sunset.
Starting point is 00:39:53 Yes, I totally agree with that vote, audience. Totally agree, because you know what? Jews have been hated on before World War II. Black people have been hated on before like all the time until like what 50 years ago and still even kind of basically like a month ago yeah until like yeah uh until the show came on um gay people were used to it women i mean come on women women even though they're kind of the majority and should not be taking shit from anybody are used to it married people aren't as used to it um but you know who's not used to it uh iranians like we have not really i mean and except like if you're actually in iran but like in america we have
Starting point is 00:40:37 really not spread the racism yet to the middle eastern people and so i think it's you know this is groundbreaking and i think think, you know. Yeah, Bravo's doing a service. It's doing a service. Yeah, you guys. Bravo's like, you know, there's not a nationwide stereotype about Persians yet. So we're going to step up and we're going to create one right now. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Until people are calling each other sand N-words, we've not done our job here at Bravo. So thank you, Bravo. New Frontiers. Well, also, I mean, the show really does hit on so many different levels. You got gay, you got Persian, you got Jewish, you got women. It's really, on all fronts, it makes all these groups just look
Starting point is 00:41:14 terrible. I mean, it makes gigantic desaline sacks that you buy off of Craigslist look bad. I mean, everything. It makes everything look bad. That being said, I love the show. It makes diamonds look bad. It makes water look bad. I mean, everything. It makes everything look bad. That being said, I love the show. It makes diamonds look bad. It makes water look bad. It makes, you know, probably like classic Persian jewelry look bad
Starting point is 00:41:32 because Asa wears it and you just think it looks ridiculous. It makes East Hollywood look even worse. Yeah. It does a lot of terrible things on a lot of terrible fronts. So thanks. Thanks, guys. It makes my neighborhood look bad. Yeah. Okay, so our next award is for best fight oh best fight the nominee the nominations are the married to medicine brawl now
Starting point is 00:41:57 there were a couple no this is the one by the pool yes this is the one by the pool where a glass was thrown, a weave was pulled. That was a good one. It was a good one. Mama Joyce versus Candy's friend slash assistant in the bridal shop. The shoe was the key piece there. The shoe in Mama Joyce's hand. Which we don't have an award for this, but that also led to the best title of a show of the year called Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Old Lady and the Shoe. Yeah, that's great.
Starting point is 00:42:29 And also, by the way, if we did have a category for best prop, it would go to Mama Joyce's Shoe. Vicky vs. Laurie in Canada. Yeah. That was great. That was a great classic Vicky's match. That was a great classic Vicky's match. That was a great one.
Starting point is 00:42:47 Vicky versus, oh, Joe versus Joe in upstate New York. Yeah. That was pretty good. Which was great because they charged each other and then on top of that all of Joe's fake hair got all over everyone's shirts. Oh, well, you know Peter versus a car. Oh, well, you know Peter.
Starting point is 00:43:03 That's just the way he has to express himself. He sees a car and reminds, well, you know, Peter, that's just the way, you know, he has to express himself, you know. He sees a car and reminds him of Frankie in the accident and he has to go punch it, you know. Yeah, that cab was driving on the street, which is what started the fight in the first place because we were on the street
Starting point is 00:43:16 and so, you know, the car was trying to be on the street too and two people can't be on the street at the same time. So, oh, well, you know, Peter, you know, oh, well, you know, Peter, he's just trying to protect his mother. He's just trying to protect someone. Like, I know, like, it, oh, well, you know, Peter. You know, oh, well, you know, Peter, he's just trying to protect his mother. He's just trying to protect someone.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Like, I know, like, it looks bad, but, you know, he's stupid. I don't condone it. But, you know, at the same time, he was expressing his love for his mother and for his family. So, like, oh, well, you know, Peter, that's just what he does.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Yeah. You know, his, you know, Peter, oh, well, you know, Peter grew up without a father because his father was, you know, a very famous drug person, you know. And so Peter grew up without a father and so now he's always looking for penises in the street to beat up on and that's you know the cab happened to be there with the penis and on the street so well you know peter
Starting point is 00:43:53 you know his father used to drive a car so when he see a car it reminds him of his father and so he go and punch it like oh hi dad but it's like no it's not your dad peter so he has to come back and that's just the way he expressed himself now well you know peter that's just how he is yeah oh you you know when you don't use conditioner it makes you angry and then you start eating more and then when you eat more you get fatter and when you get fatter you get very bitter and sometimes when people get bitter they hit cars and so when yeah yeah well you know when peter saw a car he hit it so he hit it and then he's like it was really yeah he and he got a new tattoo and he was in a lot of pain so like you know he had to take his pain out on either he needed to kick the car so
Starting point is 00:44:28 that way his foot would hurt to take away the pain from the new mom tattoo on his on his side so like oh well you know peter that's just the way he expressed himself that's all yeah for a long time his wrist was hurting and then he hit that cab and it pushed his hand back into his wrist proper so now maybe he could type or something i don't know maybe get a job i don't know so yeah maybe like you know writing he's like really good at writing he's always been really good at writing like he writes he writes whenever like he would write a note to me like hey mom i went out i'd be like that was so nice that's so beautiful you know beautiful he's like a poet he's like a poet you know he's a little artist you know he still knows how to hand write yeah he does okay so the winner There's another nomination
Starting point is 00:45:06 The other nomination is Reza Versus Sasha the new gay This is America We are all nominated this is America This is America I want to win Let us see the winners The winners are... I'm pulling it out of the FedEx box.
Starting point is 00:45:30 The winners are Reza and Sasha from the Shaws of Sunset. Oh my god, that's so Persian. That'd be one in a war in America. How fun is that? I came from Iran and the first time
Starting point is 00:45:46 I sucked a penis, you don't have any right to tell me what to do because this is freedom! I like have a problem sharing this award with Sasha because he doesn't even know what Iran is. The great kingdom of Iran was gone.
Starting point is 00:46:02 I knew that country, but he does not. Yes, in Iran, men were big and hairy and looked disgusting and sweaty and fat, like you. And now, in America, the new Iranians wax, and we bleach our butts, unlike you. And this is why
Starting point is 00:46:17 I am gorgeous. Yeah, freedom! I am team old Iran. I am team chaps that have ass in them Not ass less Like this is a disgrace I can't believe that I would even be on stage With this piece of trash right now
Starting point is 00:46:34 But then at the same time Maybe I should have compassion Because maybe he represents everything That I never could be Team MJ Yes I'm everything you could never be, like Skinny. Freedom!
Starting point is 00:46:49 Wow. Wow, guys, that was... Very poignant, poignant speech. Yeah, you guys taught us all something. Thank you. We did. Thank you. So, next category is yours, Ben.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Hit it. Wow, this is a big one, too, and I already put in a write-in candidate. Okay, so this is a big one, too. And I already put in a write-in candidate. Okay. So this is the best Bravo star. And the nominees are MJ from Shaz the Sunset. This is a big one.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Leah from Real Housewives of Miami. Candy from Real Housewives of Atlanta. Lisa Vanderpump from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef. Quad from Real Housewives, I'm sorry, from American Medicine. The Old Krusty Captain from Below Deck. Babs from Princesses.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Babs. Babs. And there's some salad dressing on the table. It's in a bottle. You can't get married. You're too young to get married. But your boyfriend's not too young to stay over in my bed.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Come here, boy. And Kim Richards from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And the best Bravo star. Ooh, this is real tough. This is real tough, Ron. This is huge. I don't even know how some of these got on here. Huge. Well, it was a thin crop this year.
Starting point is 00:48:12 All right. All right. And the winner this year is, I believe for the second year in a row, I could be wrong, Kim Richards. Kim Richards. Come get your award, Kim! Hey! I would like
Starting point is 00:48:29 to say thank you. You know, when I started this project with Julia Roberts, I said look, it's going to be hard to play your mom because I'm younger than you, first of all. And then I remembered the performance that I gave in Sophie's Choice, where I had to choose between a Big Mac and a Whopper.
Starting point is 00:48:47 And I ended up choosing Wendy's so that nobody cried. And I pulled deep, and I said, Julia, we're going to do it. It's going to be okay. And then Kathy Bates came in, and I said, Kathy Bates, put on a robe! And then she got all upset. I turned to Tony elsewhere. And then Emilia Oessigas came
Starting point is 00:49:09 in with some coffee. So thanks everybody! And now to present our next category is a very special surprise. It's Miss Leah Black and Gretchen Rossi. Come on the stage! How fun is that?
Starting point is 00:49:25 Hi, everybody. You guys, I got fired from Bravo. How fun is that? Well, you know what I say to Bravo? Send them an invoice. You know what I say to Bravo? I'm with Slade, so I'll blame Slade. Fire Slade.
Starting point is 00:49:42 How fun is that? Okay, this category is for Worst Bravo Star. Would you care to read the nominees? It's hard. It's hard. Could you tell them to me? If you tell them to me, I can say what you read. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:57 All right. The nominees for Worst Bravo Star. I said best instead of worst. How fun is that? It's Stassi Schroeder from Vanderpump Rules! She's assy. Stupid. Kirsten from Vanderpump Rules! I don't even know what that is, that's dumb.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Raza from Shaza Sunset! Someone should buy one of my purses. Heather Dubrow from Real Housewives of Orange County. You guys, spoiler alert, I don't really have any eyebrows. I call it the mom with the sharpie. Slade Smiley, your fiance. Oh my god, thank god you got your teeth fixed. And unfortunately your family spent all that money,
Starting point is 00:50:38 and so your poor brother has a mullet and he's cross-eyed and has bad teeth. Sorry. Von from the New Atlanta. I don't know who that is, but I don't go to Vaughn's. I go to Whole Foods because they have, like, soap that's made out of sand. It's good for my skin. And Ashley from Princesses Long Island!
Starting point is 00:50:56 I don't know what that is. Islands are scary. Really, Longlands are even scarier. Just, like, live in a city. There's cars. Alright, alright, Gretchen. Why don't you read the winner? Okay, the winner is...
Starting point is 00:51:12 Tell me about your one. The winner is... Ashley from Princesses! Oh, that's what it's like! Ashley! Ashley! Ashley! I can't believe that I'm even here on stage right now when that ugly-faced Joey who called me funny-looking is sitting in the audience. I almost had my fifth stroke of the evening just now. Oh, my God, you are funny-looking. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Ma, help me. Get me a jet, I need to get to the street. I need a jet to pick me up in the front of the auditorium and fly me to the parking lot, ma. Oh my god, I'm so sorry everybody, but Ashley has had another stroke. Bye, Ashley. Good luck getting your face to move again. Hi, this is Erica. And I just want to let you know that I'm friends with Ashley.
Starting point is 00:52:11 I love her to death. And I'm the hottest girl on the North Shore. And so I think it's really sad that she had a stroke. But what can you do about it? That's just the way it is. I'm sorry. That's just how it goes. And I'm just going to go back to Long Island now and go to Great Neck. And I'm just hot. And I just live at home with my dad. Okay, I'm sorry. Like, that's just how it goes. And, like, I'm just gonna go back to, uh, Long Island now and go to Great Neck and, like, I'm just hot and I just, like, live at home
Starting point is 00:52:26 with my dad. Okay, bye. You know, I would like to say that we're gonna be there totally for Ashley, but if anyone out there needs a wife, I'd make a really good wife. You know, my name is Chanel, but that doesn't mean I'm expensive. You know?
Starting point is 00:52:41 Like, I'm, like, an original Chanel. Seriously? Seriously? Like, I'm, like, an original Chanel. Seriously? Seriously? Like, I should have won worst reality star on Bravo? Like, seriously? Like, first of all, like, Tom's always cheating on me, and, like, I don't know, like, I don't know, like, maybe
Starting point is 00:52:57 you know about that, like, maybe you should tell me. I think I should read all your text messages and, like, see who you voted for, because, like, honestly, I don't think I should have lost this. Now, look here. Here's why you lost this, okay? Now, look. If you want a man to not be cheating on you, you know, now what's a man do when he wants a little sugar?
Starting point is 00:53:16 Does he go out and buy a lemon? No, he don't buy a lemon. He opens a Snickers bar. He gets some chocolate in there there lets it melt on his tongue chews some nuts swallows that caramel spits it back up swallows it again
Starting point is 00:53:30 then he spits it back up swallows it again then he spits it in your mouth make you swallow it spit it back up into his mouth then he does a reverse baby bird feed on you spit it back into your mouth then he sends you on your way
Starting point is 00:53:40 and don't call you back now that makes no sense because as anyone who's ever worked on Malibu Country knows, there's no snicker bars in the craft service table. So maybe if you actually were cast, Vaughn, then you would know these things. But as someone who was on Malibu Country and worked with
Starting point is 00:53:56 Sarah Rue, then I can tell you that there are no snicker bars. Oh, thank you everyone. Well, congratulations to Ashley, by the way, for pulling up a huge upset, beating the likes of Stassi, Kristen, Reza, and Slate Smiley, four of the worst people ever to be on TV. But Ashley, you pulled it off, because you are the hottest looking funny person that we've ever seen either. And also, I would like to give an honorable mention to Mariah's mother from Married to
Starting point is 00:54:22 Medicine. Yes. Yes. Mariah's mother should be on there. She wasn't really a star so she didn't get to be nominated. There must have been an issue submitting
Starting point is 00:54:33 her application to the Academy. Yeah, she probably cut whoever was delivering the papers that she had to sign. Maybe she gave it to Toya to give in Toya. Toya's like, I haven't came to the post office. Toya, you know,
Starting point is 00:54:51 she was overlooked. We should have maybe nominated her for a few things, and it's too bad. I'm sorry, Toya. Okay, so now the nominations for the worst Bravo show. This is a good category, people. This is the worst. This is our penultimate category.
Starting point is 00:55:08 Okay. Well, we have Top Chef, and they are nominated because of their Seattle finale, which was a really sad rip-off of The Iron Chef, and was just painful to sit through, and we only had to sit through an hour of it. It was the worst episode in the history of Top
Starting point is 00:55:23 Chef. Not only was it awkward and not entertaining but it also wasn't um it wasn't suspenseful it wasn't it wasn't good and it was also the odds were like stacked against you know they didn't even judge all the dishes they didn't even get to dessert because it was this like best like three out of five thing or something like that it was so bad i guess i get mad every single time i think about it because it was such a good season and to end like that is not fair it wasn't fair to brooke either and then it kind of slid into a terrible season this year no i love the season you do oh my goodness out of here what do you love about this season it's so boring i like all the characters i'm loving the challenges i'm loving all the new orleans stuff like i think this is
Starting point is 00:56:03 a great season oh i'm not getting it. I'm really bored. But maybe it's because I've been trying to eat, like, vegetarian and stuff, so I'm not, like, binging as much when I watch it. And that was part of the fun, I guess. I guess so. In the first place. Okay, the next nomination is Courtney Loves Dallas.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Why did I get in the mail today? Ugh, I hate her. She's horrible. Vanderpump Rules. All the wedding spinoffs. And there were, like hate her. She's horrible. Vanderpump Rules. All the wedding spin-offs. And there were like ten of them this year. Yeah. Fashion Queens.
Starting point is 00:56:32 And L.A. Shrinks. Ooh, good category. This is a rough one. But I think the voters went with... Courtney Loves Dallas. Wow. You know what? She premiered at the end of the year, and she snuck in, and she won Worst Bravo Show.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Good for her. Yeah, good for her. I mean, for so many terrible personalities and useless human beings to be on television, for you to win this pretty much single-handedly, because, I mean, what else is even on her show except her? And, I mean, for her to beat all those terrible wedding spinoffs, like I Dream of Nini, the Tamra wedding thing, and the Kim stuff, all those, for her to beat that is really impressive. Turns out, sitting around to see what you got for free from UPS
Starting point is 00:57:27 because you have a blog that 10 people read doesn't make for interesting TV. Who fucking knew? Who fucking knew? Thanks, Forks. Okay, Ben, you're up. And this is the last category of the night. All right, everyone. It's the moment you've been waiting for.
Starting point is 00:57:42 The best Bravo show of the year. But before we get to that, Ben and I have an interpretive modern dance for you guys. Okay? All right, Ben, are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:58 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:58 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:58 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:01 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ah ah ah ah ah
Starting point is 00:58:10 ah ah ah ding ah ding wow that was beautiful and that was also our in memoriam montage yeah to all the people who died
Starting point is 00:58:28 and we just put kim in there just in case kingsley kingsley's future kingsley kills her yeah or she gets in the car or anything like that okay ben hit it last okay best bravo show of the year and the nominees are of the year. And the nominees are Top Chef New Orleans, which we know Ronnie does not like. Yeah, that's stupid. I don't even know how that got on there. Dumb. Vanderpump Rules, which was nominated not only for best Bravo show, but also
Starting point is 00:58:56 worst Bravo show. And also the best worst Bravo show. Yes. Real Housewives of Orange County, which had a very entertaining season. Real Housewives of ATL.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Princesses Long Island. Married to Medicine. And Shaz of Sunset. Very strong category. Yeah, very, very strong. Are we ready? Big drumroll here. Big one. And the winner is... That's way... More envelope. We need more envelope noise.
Starting point is 00:59:32 And the winner is... This is the shocker. Vanderpump Rules. So how could the show that was nominated for worst show of the year be nominated and win for best show of the year? And I'll tell you why. Because as awful as these people are, it is so, so entertaining. They make me feel so good about myself. it is so, so entertaining. They make me feel so good about myself.
Starting point is 01:00:07 They make me feel so good about how far I've come in life, which is not very far at all, that I can't help but say it's the best show of the year. Yes, I totally, so I agree. This show is really fun. I mean, I hate myself anyway, and having something to blame it on is really handy. And I love sitting there feeling better than other people.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Although I still feel bad donating so much of my time to fucking waiters. Yeah. I will say it does make me feel better when I go out with my grandpa
Starting point is 01:00:36 who won't tip. And I'm like, you know what, waiter? That's kind of Vanderpump Rules' fault. So don't be mean to my papa. It truly is. It's an endlessly entertaining show that shows how people can be horrific to each other in so many varied ways.
Starting point is 01:00:52 Yeah, so many unique ways. And you know what? They can be so mean to each other without words. Because they don't barely know how to talk. And look, I illustrated that with a terrible sentence. But those people don't even know English. And they're still horrible verbally. And what was that?
Starting point is 01:01:10 You see, even talking about this show makes me dumber than I was. Well, to be fair, Katie, if you remember, Katie is very on top of her conjugations. Yes, I need to conjugate my verbiage. She's like, do you even know how to conjugate your verbiage? It is time to conjugate some verbiage she's like do you even know how to conjugate your verbiage it is time to conjugate some verbiage she actually had some great lines this week I'm trying to pull them up because I actually wrote them down because I was actually watching
Starting point is 01:01:36 Vanderpump Rules this afternoon while some other people were watching and we were all texting each other and really there's so many great lines, but unfortunately, they're not coming up right now. So, oh well, people, you'll just have to go watch them. Well, we took two weeks off,
Starting point is 01:01:53 so thank you all for your patience because that was just great having two. I mean, I'm not like, oh, this is so hard to do, but just having two weeks off from watching so many Bravo shows because I really did take a break. Yes. But now that means I have like eight hours of Bravo to catch up on, plus all the shows that are coming up this week. So next week, when we come back for our regularly scheduled non-awards program, expect it to be extra salty, because I'm going to be a horrible human being. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Absolutely. So everybody, thank you so, so much for being with us for this year's Crappies. I'd like to thank all of the beautiful Bravo stars for showing up today. Congratulations to all the winners. You can find me at
Starting point is 01:02:42 TrashTalkTV.com. There's lots of fun recaps I'm recapping The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills every week, same night as air you can find me on Instagram at TrashTalkTV or on Twitter at TrashTweetTV and you can find Ben at B-SideBlog.com
Starting point is 01:02:58 where he's got hilarious photo caps and blogs about all sorts of shows, mostly housewives and you can also find him on all the social media outlets at B-Side Blog. Come to our Facebook page at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens to talk to other listeners and us and leave Bravo articles and comment on all that crap because we have a really good time over there. Happy New Year to everybody on that Facebook page.
Starting point is 01:03:21 We love you. And find us on Twitter at WhatCrapInns. And you can read us questions. Usually we record this. We're not doing it live at the moment, but we record this every Tuesday, usually around 4.30pm Pacific time. And so we usually ask on our Facebook page
Starting point is 01:03:37 what you guys want to talk about, and we read your stuff. So be sure to be there in the afternoon on Tuesdays for that. Love ya guys! We will see you next time, and have a great 2014! read your stuff so be sure to be there in the afternoon on tuesdays for that love you guys we will see you next time and have a great 2014 bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny.
Starting point is 01:04:36 And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing.
Starting point is 01:05:06 Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

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