Watch What Crappens - #114: Fights, Finales, Reunions, and Wesley Snipes

Episode Date: February 12, 2014

So much happened on Bravo this week that it's a miracle we fit it all in on this week's "Watch What Crappens." We start with the "Vanderpump Rules" finale where seven of our brightest young minds convene to make articulate points about their lives and loves. Just kidding: it was basically just Kristen rolling her eyes and spewing venom. Then it's on to "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" where Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) struggle to understand just what Lisa Vanderpump did to annoy Brandi Glanville so much. Next we take on the Sunday brawls on "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and "Blood, Sweat, and Heels" before voicing our dissatisfaction with the "Top Chef: New Orleans" finale. Finally, things wrap up with the Shahs' visit to Iran. It's a whole lot of content. Come listen! And like our Facebook page: facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Thanks! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Ronnie, how did you meet your significant other? Well Ben, I was born with my palm, but I didn't really realize it was my significant other until I was about 16 years old and I was in the bathroom at Catholic school. We've been together ever since. Aw.

Isn't that sweet? Yeah. Almost as sweet as a Sherry's berry. Yum. How delicious. You know, I found that out because I was given Sherry's Berries this week. And, you know, normally I wouldn't eat a berry. It's not my thing. But I opened this beautiful box with these big, gigantic, chocolate-covered, different-flavored berries.

And they looked so delicious. And I said, these are for you, Hand. And he was like, no, I don't like strawberries. But I picked one up and put it in my mouth, and we both just fell in love with Sherry's Berries. That's the most romantic story you've ever told, Ronnie. I know, right? I don't like to talk about my personal life. Well, guess what? You can get giant, freshly dipped strawberries from Sherry's Berries starting at $19.99.

That's over 40% savings. Or double the berries for just $10 more. You just need to use the code WATCH when you order. Once again, the code is WATCH. Just so you know, the strawberries are dipped in white and milk and dark chocolate. And they can be topped with chocolate chips and swizzle and nuts. And they're just, like, really good, apparently. In fact, I received a box of them

and i don't eat strawberries so i gave them to our dear friend lisa timmons and also our friend marcos and they loved them so people this is i was actually i have to say i was actually because you know we do these cherries berries commercials and this time of year every every podcast is like here's a cherries berries commercial like they really go hard and i'm like oh whatever berries chocolate covered berries they're actually kind of amazing they're gigantic yes that's what i Every podcast is like, here's a Sherry's Berries commercial. Like, they really go hard. And I'm like, oh, whatever. Berries, chocolate-covered berries. They're actually kind of amazing. They're gigantic. Yes, that's what I heard.

And the strawberry is almost secondary. It's like they wrap a candy bar around a strawberry. No, I mean, Lisa and Marcos were like, Ben, these are insane. They're like, what did we do for you to give us these? I was like, enjoy. Yeah, they're actually really good. Who knew? Yeah.

So here's the only way to get this amazing Valentine's Day deal. for you to give us these. I was like, enjoy. Yeah, they're actually really good. Who knew? Yeah. So, here's the only way to get this amazing Valentine's Day deal. For just $19.99, you visit berries.com. That's B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. Click on the microphone

in the top right corner and type in Watch. Go to berries.com, click on the microphone and type Watch. Watch. Hurry, offer ends the microphone, and type watch. Watch.

Hurry. Offer ends on Thursday, people. Thursday. Thursday. The podcast of Bravo, nothing runs with Bravo. But that's okay, we only care about Bravo. Watch what crap ends, watch what crap ends. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends? Crap ends, crap ends. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

Watch what crap ends, watch what crap ends. Watch What Crappens, a show about all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelger from bsideblog.com. You can find me on Twitter and on Instagram at bsideblog, all one word. And joining me, as always, is my lovely and cherubic co-host, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hello, Benjamin. Hi. Ronnie can be found at TrashTalkTV.com where he does hilarious recaps of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, among other things. You should all go check that out. And he's on

Twitter, at TrashTweetTV. Definitely, definitely, definitely check that out. And, oh my goodness, we have an enormous podcast for you all today. There are, I mean, so many things that happen on Bravo. bravo fights finales yeah there was a lot going on and it actually worried me that everything's ending because i'm

like now what now what i mean we're gonna have the real housewives of new york coming back soon um and then some show about southern people which i don't know if i can get behind that or not yet yeah we had this is what we're gonna talk talk about today. We're going to talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll talk about Vanderpump Rules reunion. We'll talk about part two of the Atlanta fight. We'll talk about part two of the Blood, Sweat, and Heels fight. We'll talk about the Shazza Sunset, part two of their turkey trip. And of course, we have to talk about the finale of Top Chef.

We have so much to discuss. But before we do that, though, I actually want to give a shout out to two of our listeners, Eva and Vishal, because they got married over the weekend. And I want to say congrats to them. I was lucky because I got to go to the wedding, and

it was down on Laguna Beach, so it was very cool because I felt like the spirit of Vicki Gumbelson was coursing through me. So that was very special. I mean, yeah yeah the wedding was nice too but more being close to vicky was was even nicer oh happy wedding guys yeah it was an amazing wedding wedding um so congrats guys congrats to two of our listeners who have now become married oh so that's good so that's a good thing um so now let's go on to something much more awful, which is the Vanderpump Rules reunion.

Enough talking about relationships that are doing well. Let's talk about relationships that are falling apart with the Vanderpump Rules. Yeah, let's talk about people who will never be happy because they're awful and they don't deserve to be. And that is the cast of Vanderpump Rules. I'm telling you something, Ronnie. I can't even remember what happened on this reunion because there were so many illogical statements made, so many accusations

and stupid things that my brain was curling in on itself. It was like Mobius strips of logic. You know, at least all the shit show was in order so that I could remember it. The first thing that happened, which was just amazing, is when Andy was saying, you know how he says hi to everybody because he doesn't have anything else

in his brain to say? And he has to say like, hi, Jax. Hi, Kristen. Hi, Stassi. Hi, Katie. Oh, Katie, you dyed your hair. And then Katie gives her monologue. Yeah, that was. Well, you know, yeah, I did dye it. I mean, I did try it blonde and then I tried it red monologue yeah that was well you know yeah i did dye it i mean i did try it blonde and then i tried it red and you know i mean i really like to try anything with my hair like bangs or straight hair or you know hair and curls or you know wigs or weaves i mean i'll try anything and um you know so that's what i did and i tried it out and um now i'm brunette and you know now more of a jennifer aniston type of thing but brunette it's like bitch you did not just win an oscar and nobody asked you a question no one asked about your hair no one not a single person asked you what the distorts to her she's like oh well you

know peter peter sometimes likes his hair red and orange and yellow but you know that's the way he expresses himself yeah you know peter used to be a model and when you're a model it's like being an actor except in pictures and so you have to be ready to do anything with your hair you know that katie for like months has been waiting to clear the air about her hair ever since like the first like tweet appeared on the season premiere about like nice like day glow hair you know she's been waiting for this moment she was like bursting she's like hi good to see you know my hair's not normally like that so now i'm like this now i'm goth you know i would i think i'm one of the only people who didn't mind her hair i think it like complimented her gum line i don't know why i think that but i just think it looked better with the red hair i didn't think it

was like the worst thing in the world people really objected to it women hated it the most because i think that women appreciate what goes into a good dye job or a bleach job and men don't always and so women saw it and they saw it for the cheap shit that it was but for us we're just like okay but honestly i'm sitting here at my desk and i went to a dermatologist uh recently and he gave me like this like box you know like when you go to a dentist they give you a little bag like to go things my dentist gave me like a box of like you know suntan lotion and this and that and i'm looking at the box it's a box for zolbar zinc sunscreen with transparent zinc oxide and And it's the exact color of Katie's hair. Well, she's not going to get cancer on her head.

No, she will not. She's repelling it away. Yeah, that zinc will definitely keep her. So then we find out that Stassi has quit. Yes. Sure. She so ended. Her ass just left without telling anybody

yeah and lisa was pissed that she basically put this girl on tv and didn't even get a thank you johnny yeah thank you and uh i love that stassi quit and she's just such a victim all my friends did this to me like you watch the show right you created the monsters that are around you by the way you made everyone who works at sir believe that they're entitled to something that they are not entitled to whatever it may be and she's like but i'm happy now because i'm dating a sport a guy with a sports show i'm like you're not happy and i can tell because you have white hair nobody with white hair on purpose is happy okay nobody gets happy and then goes down and dyes their hair and when andy cohen when andy cohen said that he liked it he was lying through his shit eating teeth

there's no way any self-respecting gay would like that hair color yeah that's just he's just doing his andy she honestly is like oh the way it's outside. What do you think? He almost sounds like Scooby-Doo. She honestly took a step closer to looking like that crazy old lady in Witches of Eastwick, the one who had the cherries coming out of her mouth. Because she looks like her already, I have to say. She does. And, you know, this move by Stassi is a bold move.

And, in fact, someone posted it on our Facebook page. And, by the way, you all should follow us on Facebook, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens. So that way you can get, like, a half-assed shout-out, like the one I'm about to give whoever posted this link, that Stassi is now floating the idea that she wants a spinoff. Like, there was an article, I think, in Us or OK or one of those where she's like, you know's so funny and now that i live in new york people are like oh you can get your own spin-off and get your own spin-off and i'm like oh that's such a good idea so i really hope a producer contacts me because that'd be great i'm like don't act like you didn't premeditate this stassi and don't act like you're actually going to get a spin-off and don't act like lisa's not trying to produce it by the way yeah um another thing know, I think that Stassi getting a spinoff really wouldn't be the worst

thing to happen. I mean, why can't she contain her evil to a restaurant when she could ruin an entire city, you guys? She could be the biggest terrorist attack since 9-11 to hit that city if they just put some cameras on it. I know. I was going to say she's the biggest thing to hit New York since Cloverfield.

You can write that one down, Emi Burbano. Although Emi hasn't done the quotes in months, I feel like. It's true. Listen, New York City is very prepared for terrorist attacks, so if Stassi tries anything with her personality, she's going to be shut down immediately. She'll be shoved down a manhole. if Stassi tries anything with her personality, she's going to be shut down immediately. She'll be shoved down a manhole. Yeah, she's going to be kept down on the subway for hours on end while the Cavity search her ass, just for the things

she says. I feel like she's going to have a moment like the end of Cats, where she's going to rise up on a tire and be sent off to someplace. That was a little Broadway reference for all you people out there. I really like that well, with the gray hair, she's kind of Grizabella-y i'm gonna say deuteronomy but you know what do i know oh oh i guess they both did go up in the end

i think that he delivered her didn't he oh jeez i can't believe we're we're terrible gays for not knowing i i am like determined to somehow make stassi's narrative dovetail with cats. Jellicle cats are Jellicle cats, and then Jellicle cats fall on Jellicle cats and cats. Memories, all my memories I wish to be vanquished. When I was a little kid, the tour came to El Paso, Texas, and my parents took me because, of course, I was like a little flaming faggito burrito musical theater kid. And so they're like, okay, I guess we'll take them to cats. they said how do you like it and i was like i mean that was kind of

neat and i was like what do you think mom and she's like honestly who wants to sit and watch fucking people act like cats i mean cats are disgusting they fucking stink and i was like good point your mom was your mom was stassi before Stassi was even Stassi. Yeah. She's like, I would actually love to see the Vanderpump Rules cast go to New York and see a revival of Cats and then give their impressions. I can imagine Kristen, seriously? Seriously? Just Cats.

Seriously? Seriously? Like, what, that cat have to die at the end? Like, seriously? That cat was a good cat. That cat was a good cat that cat was cheating on me like tom and that cat cheated on me multiple times multiple times for years on end and like i've known tom for three years and tom you've only known that cat for like an hour and a

half that cat goes shit in a litter box and tom if tom was in a litter box he'd make out with ariana in there like a hundred times i'm like fuck her every day what when you say like mr mustafalis is that like a reference to tom and ariana because like that's not cool like seriously seriously that song that song memory reminded me of how tom remembers fucking ariana every day but won't say anything about it. You know, Andrew Lloyd Webber, is that like a reference to Ariana's web of lies? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously.

She was so hilarious because even I mean, the first time they showed her face on the reunion, she was like, you know, she just like taking like a soccer ball to the gut. Yeah. Like her face was like back pinched back.

And like, she was having double chin cause her head was so far back and her eyes were wrong. Her teeth are like a bunch of magnets, like with the poles all facing each other. So they're going in separate ways. They're magnetically repelled from each other. Just like,

I wish we could put those words and make poetry on her teeth that i'll be like seriously seriously it'd just be like if you have like kristen magnetic poetry you'd open up the box and all the only words are seriously and your entire fridge your entire fridge is just seriously seriously seriously seriously maybe there's like a really seriously go fuck yourself she was ready to start a fight with every every single point she's ready to start a fight like even when it came up to the fact that she and sheena are now friends she's like so is there anything wrong with that like what's wrong with me and sheena being friends like that's fine seriously yeah sheena i mean speaking of cats sheena's job i think in the future is just gonna she's gonna become one of those ladies who like gains a lot of weight after

her first baby and stops wearing makeup and just starts running an animal shelter and she's just gonna take in little ugly dogs and cats and try and try her best and save them from getting the the needle because by the way this is this this is not an insult, by the way. This is actually a step up from working at SIRS. This is good for you. Every Friday night when she goes to Chili's with Shay, she'll put on her gigantic eyelashes. So piss the cats goodbye.

That's going to be the name of her book. It's like Tuesdays with Maury. It's going to be Chili's with Shay. Sound tonight, I went to Chili's. He's so romantic. he got me the side salad for 99 cents extra i mean that takes a lot of thought for a guy but then i was really mad because they seated us at a bar table and those chairs are really high and like i just got my teeth done i didn't want to fall over that chair and you know what else they put ice in drink. And if I chewed that ice too hard, my tooth would hurt. You know? It took a year and a half.

It was serious. And, like, I can't see if the ice is too big because I still have this eye situation going on. So, like, it's really not cool of them to do that. I can only have shaved ice. I accidentally ordered a Pum and Pom Pom. And they were, like, a Bloomin' Onion. And I was like was like oh my eyes i was gonna try to follow that up but i can't i can't

i love the idea of her being in chile chiles and ordering a blooming onion but thinking that she's ordering something else and it, and she's shaking her fist. My eyes! My kingdom for an eye. How did I order a pom-pom? I thought I ordered a boom-boom pom-pom, and I got a blooming onion, Stassi. Let's give this to Katie, who's probably waiting in the car. Good point. I know. Still no one will talk about it.

To be fair, Katie's hair did sort of have the shade of a blooming onion earlier this season. Oh, not Katie. I meant Kristen. I still can't keep those horsies apart. Oh, horse face. Seriously? Seriously? You think that?

I'll just be in the crate, because everybody in Chili's hates me. Just leave the window cracked and bring me some French fries. Just bring me a Jack Daniels steak with cornflake crust. Seriously? Seriously? I don't even like a blooming onion. Seriously? Ariana likes them.

Fuck herself. Those things open themselves up. Just like Ariana did 5,000 times a day with my boyfriend. Tom, I hope you like dipping your Bloomin' Onion into the tangy sauce, just like the way you dip your dick into Ariana's vagina. Seriously?

Seriously? But Tom's a good lay. By the way, which is a direct quote? Kristen Logic. It was hilarious out of control out of control i mean i honestly can't even remember it just seemed like they're talking in circles for like 45 minutes right it was basically um there was a huge amount of debate over whether or not uh the kiss with ariana was worse than the sex that kristen had with jacks of course it's not as bad it's like a kiss you know whatever and then and then meanwhile it

comes out that um kristen was having an affair a three month long affair with someone at sir and when the way kristen justifies she goes it was an emotional affair it was emotional affair which yeah with fingers in your vagina you crazy person it doesn't matter if you were crying well she's like a na'vi and she feels with like her fingers like she feels emotions with her fingers i mean she doesn't actually feel she has no tactile sensation it was an emotional relationship that bus boy you know he really feeds me emotionally okay so then yeah we find out that she's boning a 21 year old bus boy who's friends with lisa's son yes exactly and this guy was also going to move in with tom not to mention they showed him and guess what he has a horse face

i mean those two those two are probably going to get married and i'm going to send them a box of sugar cubes i sort of thought he looked like a duck with abs oh okay well a beak quality hopefully they'll give birth to a sheep and we can have a farm yeah that's either way barnyard animals all across the board now there's a spin-off yeah the real barnyard animals of robertson boulevard lisa would be like stop eating out of that box, all right? Use a plate. Stop acting like an animal. Seriously?

Seriously? Like, I like my box. I like my box. So let's see. I'm trying to remember. Everything's very piecemeal for me, and I should have taken notes. I wrote down random things.

I wrote down, I love that Stassi and Jax are finally broken up, and he's like, yeah, I can't call her anymore because she changed her number. And she's like, like no I just blocked him from my phone and I actually I thought that was hilarious because Jax

looked like Dory you can do that I actually put a picture up of Jax on our Facebook page the most derp face ever he was just standing like he's doing the Austin voice but I feel bad for her because who else is she gonna have that

ringtone for it because you know he had a special ringtone oh yeah by the way jacks was totally caught in a lie because no shock because um at one point when tom when tom and ariana were saying that all they did was kiss and jacks was like no that's impossible you can't just stop with the kiss like i can't stop with the kiss and then later on when i think andy asked him if he um hooked up with any of the married women from cabo jax was like me no no we just kissed i was like you stupid idiot you just said you never go you you can't stop at just a kiss i felt very vindicated that i caught him in that lie and then no one else did um Um, you should be on CSI.

I should be, I should be on CSI, CSI Jack's edition, which would be like, the same thing as being at the CDC investigating where viral outbreaks take place. Yeah. You would just basically your only tool instead of that whole toolkit,

all you would really need is a black light to follow the sperm around. And instead of the theme song being like, who are it'd be like ew are you jacks jacks um wait now jacks i'm trying to think jacks was i don't feel like there was too much attention on jacks this so well jacks is just so gross that i mean there's nothing what what more can you say I think they're saving it I think they're saving it for for next week because there was talk about like him being over Stassi etc etc um now he's it seems like he is finally over her but we'll see we'll see how long that lasts he's just stupid yeah that's that's that's that's my uh that's all I have to say he's stupid I don't even care about him.

He just needs to be quiet. And it's amazing how someone's personality can turn them so ugly on the outside. I think he's so ugly now. And I used to think that that guy was beautiful. And I look at him now and I'm just like, you are disgusting. It's like the opposite of romance. You know, like when there's an ugly guy but then he turns out to be nice and you can finally get a boner somehow. Yeah.

It's like the opposite. Like an opposite boner. Like my boner is hitting my belly button. The prince is turning into a frog, basically. He's gross. And now I just think of him with bad breath. You know, one thing that I really enjoyed was when at some point, for whatever reason, I think they were talking about Schwartz or whatever. And I guess Jax said he doesn't talk to Schwartz anymore.

And Katie's like, I don't have an issue with you, Jax. And Stassi's like, well, actually, you should have an issue with him. She's like, well, okay, I do have an issue with Jax. Which, of course, Jax and Horseface jumped onto immediately. Horseface is like, like oh you listen to anything stassi says like you're only like not friends with me because stassi's not friends with me seriously and then i don't know jack's probably like jerked off or something but like well i think the i think the best jack's news of the entire reunion is that he's boning gg

from shazza sunset because at least now there's a chance that he'll get stabbed. Gigi, she goes for those hot, disturbed men. Hot men with drawbacks. It does make me worry about his sexuality, though. Maybe he's sleeping with so many women to overcompensate for his gayness. Because Gigi really only dates gay guys. I've never seen her with a straight guy. Well, there are rumors that his his mysterious past in miami involved having a gay boyfriend but i don't know i think he's pretty straight oh whoops well i don't know

he can keep it over there we've got enough of our own diseases we don't need the new one that he made in his little scientific lab i know super std it's like it's like everyone everything all rolled into one chlamydia gonorrhea. It's like the, it's like the centrum silver of STDs and it all comes from him. Yeah. It's going to be one of those medical mystery books. My mom reads, you're right.

Do you know those books? Who are they? It's always like the, the, uh, the lady who does the autopsy solves a murder case. I'm like the lady who does autopsies, first of all,

is not a model. And second of all, she does not solve cases okay she cuts people open well mother i'm having a very mom-centric podcast it's all coming out my mom i know i'm calling my mom after and making sure she's okay well i i don't i'm glad i did not watch this show in the presence of my mother because i could only imagine the choice words my mom would have for me if she saw me watching these people bickering uh like for instance when when tom was like mad at kristin for having sex with this this new guy in his apartment and he's like you were having sex

in my bed with my condoms just like i love it wasn't like either like your prize condoms that you like forged yourself from your own like rubber like your prize condoms that you like forged yourself from your own like rubber mill or something like that yeah you know that he just like took them out of a fishbowl on the pickup bus from west hollywood to use this as a free ride yeah i just love like that was the biggest insult of all although it is very insulting it is insulting well they've just cheated on each other so many times they can't just get mad at each other for cheating anymore it has to be like you cheated with my condoms or like you cheated and then you ate the rest of my cereal like they have to one-up it every time you know because just cheating isn't hurtful enough anymore yeah i mean and the thing is this

i think kristen would have a lot more um legitimacy if she really took tom to task for cheating with the call girls in vegas but that somehow gets brushed under the table and she focuses all on on ariana and that's just like a kiss like it was just like it's just a kiss just like that lady antebellum song just a kiss you know except way grosser and we have to see it instead of just hear it yeah exactly when the truth is that kristin had sex with jacks and apparently had some other affair too and i liked when andy called her a hypocrite and she was like i don't know did she even say that she was a hypocrite i think she said that she was not no she's like i am a hypocrite i am a hypocrite and i you know i love tom and oh tom we fought great it's really great we fought and then we get in real these

fights and then we come back together and the sex is great because we've been fighting and it's like no but i did love you know i have a feeling i have it seemed like andy had very low tolerance for kristen he seemed like he was getting irritated with her and i liked at one point point when she was talking about tom she's like this is heartbreaking for me it breaks my heart it breaks my heart to see him with her and then i think andy was one who's like aren't you dating someone new and she's like yeah and it's great it's just so crazy well my other thoughts were that ariana girl i can see why she never smiles because it's really creepy when she smiles she started off and he was like, Hi, Ariana. She's like, Hi.

She has some weird laugh. I don't know. She was really awkward. And I figured out who she reminds me of. And she doesn't look like her right away, but if you just watch how she talks and how her face moves, she looks like she's being played by Amy Adams. It took me a really long time to figure it

out but watch her next time and you'll see it interesting i was gonna say sort of like um robin if she had long blonde hair instead of a little short thing i love robin i know i shouldn't have sullied robin that way well ariana's pretty great considering she's not one of the other ones but maybe it's just she hasn't had much air timetime yet. Yeah, she'll be tarnished. You know, last year, Kristen wasn't that bad. She was kind of forgettable and sort of immature, but you know, she was like a whatever. This year, I just,

during this reunion, I just kept on thinking about that Time Magazine piece that we referenced last week, which called her deeply unlikable. And I was like, yep, deeply, deeply unlikable. Like, when we're talking about deeply, we're talking like a crater. Like, we're talking one of those caves that people base jump into. That's how deep her likability is or unlikability is.

Yeah, it's so deep, like, the pressure of the ocean could, like, make you explode. Yeah, when you get to the bottom of her pit of likability, it's like you will actually implode because the air pressure is too great for you yeah she's pretty gross yeah no she's terrible so the only other thing i had about this stupid show was the fact that we had to listen to katie or horse face number two is katie katie uh her kinky sex life and how her boyfriend likes licking jam out of her toes and then something about a forehead dildo and then she said no it goes on your mouth what the hell seriously seriously so is she doing her boyfriend with a mouth dildo i do not understand yeah i don't understand how i didn't understand well maybe he puts it on his mouth?

I don't know. I don't know. Why would he? He's got a ping-ping. Maybe that's why he put a drink on her to wash her off. Oh, God. All right, let's move on, because this show's disgusting. I think we've wasted too much time talking about that.

But it was fun. I can't wait for next week. I love this show. It's awful. Yeah, and who do you think is going to replace Stassi as the evil queen bee? Because there's got to be one. She kind of makes the whole show. I don't know.

I mean, listen, I think Stassi will try to bluff her way through this, and she'll come back. She'll come back. Yeah. She'll be like, oh, it didn't work out with the sportscaster. He totally screwed me over. One of the good people going to win. Stassi's really cashing in all her fame chips going for that Sirius radio DJ.

Yeah, you go. Woo! It's like getting the guy with the podcast. Congratulations. Sirius only has 9,000 channels. I know. And nobody listens to it. Congratulations.

You are really, really parlaying your fame to move up that social ladder. Alright, so what do you want to talk about next? Beverly Hills or Atlantis? I guess why don't we talk about Beverly Hills since it's fresher and it's also in the same universe as this show. So I don't think really

not too much happened this week. It was one of those episodes where things were simmering. Carlton had a party with her at, what was it called? Something Cross. Financial Cross. Stock Cross. Stock Cross.

And before, okay, Carlton is full of shit on a couple of points. Didn't she say before that her husband is a sports agent? He's an agent to athletes uh no i don't think she said that but maybe she worked he works with athletes with financial dealings etc i could have sworn that she said that he's like a sports agent like i would never ever ever ever ever trust my money to anyone who's like like this guy who sits in the confessionals with his collar like it's open

and across and like chest hair coming out i mean it's like giving your money to sal down at the used car lot yeah and you talk like that he's like yeah but you know you could see how she had a problem with it right right um yeah he and it's also not very uh confidence building when they're like all right we're planning this party. Make sure the rental Ferraris are in front so they can see them. Oh, I know. It's like, really? So douchey.

So douchey. That's so sad. It's like multi-level marketing. They're like, did you see all those BMWs out front? Well, we got that from hard work, and you're about to learn. It's like, I saw the budget rental car sticker on yeah okay and by the way that does not like instill faith in me you know if you don't if you can't have those lamborghinis and ferraris pulling up on their own and you have to rent them out makes

me think that actually you guys are not in good shape yeah i think it looks like the company from wolf of wall street it did like total slime bags. It totally did. And actually on the inside, it looked like the Jerry Maguire offices. I was just – Well, and while we're on Wolf of Wall Street, Carlton kind of reminds me of a prize. Because, you know, in Wolf of Wall Street, if you guys haven't seen it, it's basically Leo DiCaprio is a slime bag stockbroker who comes up with a scam to steal everybody's money and they're making so much money that the guys are just turning into animals and they have all these parties where they're all doing coke in the office and banging hookers and they just bring all these naked hookers in and start having sex with them like mass orgies and all this stuff and i kind of feel like that's

probably how carlton met her husband because the first time she she mentioned him she said that she met him in a club and got in a fight with somebody over him yeah and then last night she said she was working at this company and then she married the boss's son which is it bitch and what were you doing at stock cross i have a feeling she was on her knees in the break room yeah those let of all the things that were crossing that company her legs were not one of them yes it. It's like stock means never. And you know, by the way,

you know that like if Kyle, like if, if Mauricio was like the boss's son at wherever Kyle works, you know, you know that like crossing like, well, that is just gross. That is just,

that's just lewd, you know, have some standards other than boinking the boss's son, you know? Well, he kind of was, what was the deal with more? What was his last job?

He was working for the Hiltons. Yeah, he was. But, yeah, he had some sort of... But, yeah, if it was... Yeah, he was working for the Hiltons real estate company. But, yeah, you're right. If it was that season, she'd be like, Oh, it's disgusting.

At least I don't need to live off my father-in-law. Yeah, exactly. Carlton is just... She's an idiot. And she's... And then her fake crying. Lisa's like, Listen, Tommy, you were wrong in that. All right, just admit that you're wrong.

Okay, here's the thing with Lisa. This girl will never learn. In season one, we see her standing up for Kyle. She's mean to Camille because Kyle said that she called her a bitch. She does everything Kyle wants to because she's sticking up for Kyle. Then she finds out Kyle's been talking shit about her. So then then the next season she decides to try and be nice to kyle and let it all go and kyle gets mad yes and then kyle decides that she still doesn't like lisa because there's she's being punished because they're not as close as they were well you

fucking betrayed her on camera like a zillion times like thank you what is she supposed to do thank you and that's that and that is honestly that is the feeling i got if we just fast forward to the end of the episode there was a conversation with kyle and brandy where brandy is like i feel like lisa's manipulating me i'm not getting my daily phone call anymore and then they bond and they say well you know that's what lisa does like you know the moment like you know like the moment you speak out against her then she ices you out of her life and da da da da da and they act like this is like a crazy thing to do guess what bitch if you like if you talk shit about your friend there are a lot of people that will just ice you out that's the way life goes yeah you can't just treat your

friends like crap and talk shit about them and call them terrible people and then be like, okay, well, why are you mad? And then Kyle saying, and especially Brandy, okay, we've been waiting all season to see what causes this huge rift because Brandy has been going off against Lisa all season and,

you know, in public. And we're like, what in the world did Lisa do to piss Brandy off so bad? She must've done something. And it turns out Lisa didn't do anything. brandy off so bad she must have done something and it turns out lisa didn't do anything brandy's just deciding like she's she's literally doing what carlton did last week when she said i had a dream that kyle said something about my religion who does that like

that's literally this season people are just coming up with things and going after them she doesn't even have a reason except that she feels like lisa is manipulating her in some way or is like mothering her too much or maybe like i don't know i agree with you completely and it really bothers me that these women don't understand that like if you talk shit about someone they're just there's a good chance they will ice you out of their lives especially if they're like older than you you know one thing that happens as you get older is that you have less tolerance for bullshit in your life and i think if you're someone like lisa who i think is like early 50s um who is also like smarter as i was all these women what'd you say that's generous

she's older she's wiser and she doesn't have patience for this and she's quite frankly probably richer than most of them too so you know and she just sees them for what they are you know like kim is saying oh she's just dismissive i mean yeah i'll appreciate at least they're being dismissive kim you're a fucking drunk okay if people weren't dismissive of you you would have been thrown in a loony bin years ago if people didn't dismissive of you, you would have been thrown in a loony bin years ago. If people didn't dismiss your fucking drunken, drug addict behavior, your lying, your psychosis, all the pills that you're on, you know, most families would not be dismissive of you, and they would have checked you in somewhere years ago. You're lucky that people are dismissive of you because you can still be on TV because people dismiss all your problems. They dismiss all the mistakes you made and just give you a clean slate every fucking time you want one, which is nice, you know, good for you,

but don't turn it around. Like, of course she's being dismissive. Kim, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah. That's the thing. When you, when you go into her house and then you, and then you say, you didn't come to this thing, you know, when you have bailed on so many other, uh, parties and events, then, you know, that's like tacking on his ghost. So, of course, Lisa's going to be dismissive of you. And, of course, like, Lisa's going to be dismissive to Joyce when Joyce says, oh, like, when I tried to fix your hair, you were like, stay away.

Like, all this shit is so stupid. And it is, quite frankly, below Lisa. And she should dismiss them. And she should ice them out. And I don't think that she's being well even if she is being manipulative it's I think it's within her right and you know what these people deserve to be manipulated because they're stupid well it's look if I had a problem if Lisa if Adrian is going around calling people saying let's get Lisa at the reunion and this and

that and she called it the maluf huff and this and that that's people manipulating yeah and brandy said flat out that she got a call from adrian and all the girls and they had this plan to go after lisa and blah blah blah and while it was going down kyle sat there and said nothing and just watched because she was part of it that's manipulation lisa's calling her friend and saying adrian's a bitch i can't believe she would do this to me. You know, like she's calling me a liar. Look at her. That's normal to be talking shit about your friends.

She's not making Brandy go out there and say something. And by Brandy going out there saying something, she's actually being a bad friend to Lisa by repeating stuff that was said behind closed doors in the first place. So Brandy loses on all fronts on this one. Yeah, exactly. And I think you just sort of look at the scoreboard. I mean, look, who's doing all the complaining? It's like the trashy ones.

The trashy ones, the people who are, like, again, not very smart. And the one who is coming out on top is Lisa. And she's smart. Well, one other thing about that was when Kim sees her outside of that stock cross party, and she starts making fun of lisa and ken because ken's like oh why weren't you at my birthday and she's like i was sorry i was in wisconsin i've got pictures on my phone to prove it and then wouldn't let it which was really funny but then she wouldn't let it go and kept doing it over and over and then she never

answers the question she just totally keeps making fun of them and goes inside, almost like dismissing them. You fucking hypocrite, Kim. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. She's like a double hypocrite. She doesn't show up somewhere she's supposed to go and then she dismisses them. And speaking of, while we're on this ridiculous invitations, Yolanda, you're rich. Have your own fucking parties, okay?

Like, you're already using one man. You're rich. Have your own fucking parties, okay? Like, you're already using one man, so now you still have to go back to the other man that you were using to meet this one that you're using to throw parties for you, and then have his wife do everything for you for your daughter's party? What a fucking loser.

I mean, seriously, Gigi, get to NYU already. Like, I don't know how many more send-offs that we can have with you as well. I love how... But like Yolanda, does she do anything? She has it at Muhammad's house, and then she doesn't even plan the food. She makes Shiva do it. It's like, you're the new slave.

He pays you to do things, you do it. I love when she's talking about, like, you know, like, Gigi and her friend never like to go and have parties at Mohammed's house because the house is too big. Whereas our house is much smaller. I mean, our house is still big, but not as big as Mohammed's. I'm like, oh yeah. But our house is more embarrassing two it's the house is too big whereas our house is much smaller i mean our house is big but not as big as muhammad's i'm like oh yeah it's more embarrassing because

it's in the middle of two freeways oh gosh yeah yolanda that was i don't know i thought when she was upset at lisa about this thing with a birthday party coinciding with yolanda's stepdaughter's wedding i thought that she was looking for a fight i think she is she's saying that lisa was trying to steal muhammad away from the wedding like look do you think lisa's sitting there saying i wasn't invited to her kid's wedding that's rude no she's saying why would i barely know the kid i hope they had a good time but of course i'm going to invite my best one of my best friends absolutely yeah exactly you know because it's one of these best friends. Absolutely. Yeah, exactly.

Because it's one of these things where you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Because if she doesn't invite Mohammed, all of a sudden it's like, well, I can't believe that Lisa didn't invite Mohammed, one of her best friends. It's like she'll be attacked no matter what with these women. And I think it's like, I'm sorry, Yolanda, I'm sure not all of your friends have it written down when your stepdaughter is getting married. sorry, Yolanda, I'm sure not all of your friends have it written down when your stepdaughter is getting married. You know, like, like, I think it's actually reasonable that Lisa may have forgotten that this was even if you told her, even if you told her when the wedding was,

it is very reasonable that Lisa may have forgotten that about an event that she wasn't invited to, you know, that she heard about in passing. Yeah. It's like when you have 16 children from three or four different men, like, we're going to kind of forget things sometimes. Okay, bitch? And you know that Lisa probably still sent her a pen or something. Yeah, exactly.

That's what kills me. Exactly. Lisa probably sent her a whole, she probably sent her a painting kit, you know? Like, I couldn't make it to your painting party, darling, but I sent a Picasso overso over i hope that'll do like that painting don't even that guy can't even draw it into lines how rude yeah yolanda stupid okay speaking of stupid kyle okay kyle k, Kyle. Please just be a flat-out C-word.

Please. That's what you are. Be yourself. Be a full-fledged bitch. Go behind people's backs. Talk. Start crap. Do what you do, and I can like you.

But this fake Kyle, I cannot take this fake Kyle. It is bullshit, and it's not likable. She thinks she's being likable. She's telling Mauricio, oh, well, you know, we're going to go to this Puerto Rico thing with Joyce because there's a modeling thing. And he's like, well, good. Maybe I could do some work or something there, you know. She's like, oh, ha, ha, ha. Don't you want to be with me?

Oh, and can you believe that she didn't, you know, we were invited. I was disinvited to Carlton's, but you weren't. You can still go. And he's like, oh. And she's like, yeah, like you would even go. I mean, what a bitch. What an idiotic thing to do i'm thinking kyle this is a business party where there's like hundreds of multi-millionaires your husband is a salesman you fucking twat like he's sitting there probably thinking it's a repeat of the camille thing he got mad at her because she

fucked with a multi-millionaire frazier and here she is fucking with a hundred multimillionaires. Let me say, I actually think in this case, I think Kyle is right. I think that like Carlton, that's a tacky ass move for Carlton to say, you're not allowed to come, but your husband is. Like that to me is bullshit. And I think any, any husband will say, I'm not going to go to this because you know that mauricio at this point uh he doesn't need carlton's party for business contacts mauricio is pretty well established here in la and he's on tv and he he's been on tv for a few years now he doesn't need this party okay so i actually think oh you you will never hear a salesman especially one that's that successful saying he doesn't need a party like that.

No, let me rephrase it. Of course he probably would like to go to that party, but it's not like this is a make or break thing in his career. Right. Well, I'm not saying that he should go. I'm not saying he should have gone. I'm just pointing out that it's another instance where kyle has fucked up a good amount of money for him and he never said he didn't say flat out oh i would never go she was like oh to think that you would go and he's just kind of looking off in the distance

well to be also fair kyle did not actually really fuck that up that was carlton carlton remember carlton was the one who was a lunatic at that dinner party, and Kyle was just like, what the fuck? So I actually have to say, in this case, I am on Kyle's side. Now, where I'm not on Kyle's side is the fact that Joyce and her husband invited Kyle and Mauricio to Puerto Rico, and then Kyle goes and invites Brandy along. Like, if you want to talk about manipulation, okay, Joyce and Brandy are friendly at best now. I mean, they don't like each other. And this is Joyce's trip. And now all of a sudden you're bringing Brandy along. Like, that's actually fucked up. And if I were Joyce, I'd be pissed off

at Kyle. And that is, I think that's poor form. It is. But I mean, that's just another thing. It's like getting mad that everyone's at the Chamber of Commerce party. Like, it's just, that's an obvious story thing where they're like, this year's trip is going to be in Puerto Rico. So everybody's going to Puerto Rico. Have fun. Because that's going to be the, you know, that's going to be the group trip for the year. So they all have to, like, find their slimy little ways to get together and go. But you're right.

I mean, disregarding that, of course, it's super shitty. I mean carl's just shitty she kind of was funny watching her sit there it was funny watching her sit there like trying to repress a smile yeah uh when brandy was just completely turning for no reason yeah like for no reason you know brandy was oh go ahead i was gonna say brandy's been acting like a dipshit this season you know know, she's been getting drunk and saying... She's been... Here's the thing. Brandy has been getting very drunk. She's been saying things.

She's been picking fights. She's been inappropriate. And Lisa has been, like, standing up for her. And Brandy's getting pissed at her or whatever. And honestly, if I were Lisa, if I had, like, a drunkard friend who was being inappropriate, who was saying mean things to other people, who was out of line, and I was trying to defend them for a while and they were getting mad at me or they were not changing their behavior, you know, I too would maybe take a step back from the friendship. And I don't think that's like icing anyone out. I don't think that's being manipulative.

I think it's like what you normally would do with someone who is out of control. It's like what you normally would do with someone who is out of control. Well, also, she's kind of icing Lisa out because she's been annoyed with her for weeks. And on the show, I don't know in real time how long that's been, but she's been cold and brushing her off and hanging out with Yolanda or whatever and making it clear that she – I'm taking Yolanda you know, you'll embarrass my family with all your money or whatever. Right. You know, shit like that. She's been blowing Lisa off. So I don't know that Lisa's really the one that's backing off in the relationship.

Exactly. And I don't know if you can get mad at Lisa for suddenly, like, getting best friends, becoming best friends with Kyle when Brandy took Yolanda to Sacramento. That was like, in a certain way, that was a passive-aggressive move on Brandy's part. So listen, bitch, you start it. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about

when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of

February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

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curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now

by joining Wondery Plus. Yep, and she's going to lose. And that's what's so funny. Like all these women are obviously talking on the phone and getting themselves all worked up over Lisa for whatever reasons that they have privately. But, bitches,

you're all going to lose, okay? Look at who you've got. Kim, who's been on the chopping block for, like, ever. I don't know about Kyle, but Kyle says she'll go if Kim goes. And Brandi, who everyone kind of hates now, like, how do you think you're going to win

against the most popular person on this show like you're just it's just the wrong fight and i love a housewives fight i don't mind people ganging up but this is just ridiculous when they don't even have to have anything to do with anything anymore it's just like come on shut up yeah yeah there there's just there's no way they're gonna win this one um it just makes me it makes me like lisa more and the editors were trying trying to make Lisa look like a queen bee because in the middle of this, they were intercutting this complaining about Lisa with footage of her getting dolled up for a cover shoot

and she was being glamorous and she was ordering Rocio around. But honestly, I don't know. It just makes me like Lisa more. I don't even care if she's manipulative yeah but then lisa yeah but then it turns out that lisa's closet is empty because she gave all her clothes to poor people like you you're not going to be able to do it like and if that's lisa you know if that's lisa being manipulative and smart then good for her than being more cunning than these fucking bravo assholes who are going to try and

pull their bra their regular bravo reality shit on her it's just not going to work and good for her than being more cunning than these fucking bravo assholes who are going to try and pull their bra their regular bravo reality shit on her it's just not going to work and good for her for sticking up for herself well brandy was on watch what happens live and i cannot watch that show but um i did watch a few clips because the shot uh not the shots cast the uh the vander tom and from vanderpump rules were tweeting tom tweeted at brandy you have a face like an ass stuck between two bricks or something like something stupid and um you're hanging by a string and then she was like literally by a string referring to her tampon string which i forget what that was about but apparently she said something about them on watch what happened so i was trying to watch eclipse and i didn't see that but i did see her talking

about lisa and she's like well yeah this stuff with lisa you know trying to mother me and baby me she doesn't do that off camera it's like if you know if you're going to mother me and baby me. She doesn't do that off camera. It's like, you know, if you're going to mother me, why don't you mother me when I'm wasted at sir until four in the morning? It's like, God, you're so disgusting. You're sitting there talking about this chick, like complaining that she's not taking care of you when you're drinking for free at her restaurant every night of the week till four in the morning, acting like a fucking idiot. And she's the one who's doing something wrong. it's just so gross and the other thing was her talking about kenya more because they got in a twitter a little twitter tiff because after ken after brandy made the black people can't swim comment kenya said something about her being ignorant and brandy was like yeah well that

was an ignorant comment but you know what ken, she needs to do something about that dark hair and that dark makeup because it looks ashy. Oh, my God. Now you called a black woman ashy. Like, how fucking stupid are you? So, so stupid. Meanwhile, her face, of course, can't even move. Like drools coming down the side because she's stuck it so many times. I know.

At least now we know why her voice has sounded messed up i thought it was because of botox but apparently she uh got allergic to something sounds like fucking marlon brando it was she was not allergic to anything she got jacked up on more botox give me a break yeah that's true she was alert she ate she ate a taco so her mouth mouth, please. Bitch proof. Gave her a stroke. Shut up. She ate a fat burger. Turned her into Andy Rooney. Shut up.

Oh, gosh. All right. So how do you feel about moving on to Real Housewives of Atlanta? Good, because Beverly Hills really pissed me off. And I really don't like being put in a position where I'm standing up for someone so vehemently. Especially a housewife. I hate them all equally. But, yeah, so let's move on.

Okay, so Atlanta, another great episode. This was part two of the big fight that we saw. So two weeks ago, before the Super Bowl, there was this big brawl at this weird pajama party thing that Nini was having. And Kenya was, quote-unquote, charging. Natalie and Christopher Williams, or whatever his name was, tried to put a hand on her to stop her,

and that's when Kenya's gay got up from his beanbag, and he started screaming, and then Apollo started punching him, and then there was a big brawl. So that was the last fight. And you'd think it would be over. But then this week, things spiraled out of control yet again because...

In the same fight, which was hilarious. Because basically, that little woman who was in trouble for talking shit about candy was like, well, Cynthia, you know, Cynthia was the one who came up with that word. I did not use that word. Now, of course, she did not use the word user. Wait, what was it?

Opportunist. Opportunist. No, what happened was this. To back up a little bit more, they were, this guy, the singer was saying, listen, I want to apologize to everyone. one i just you know i i wanted to just to address the room because you know it's really annoying when when you know someone for 20 years and then someone who doesn't know anyone you know someone just comes up and says oh i know this about you and your husband and he's like that's really annoying so then kenny was like well see now that's funny because you know she certainly had a lot to say about todd and then that's when

everything went out of control yes and that little lady was like well listen i never said the word opportunist here's what i said i said that todd dated my best friend he cheated on her and then he looked for something you know better and he moves up in the world that's all i said so basically you're saying he's an opportunist without using the word, which is still the same thing, just caught to it. But she keeps saying, well, Cynthia's the one who came up with that word. So Cynthia gets all defensive

and comes up to Candy and starts waving her finger in her face. Yeah. And trying to make... I don't even know what her argument was because she totally did say that and she totally did start that shit and have those people to dinner

just to start shit about Candy. Yeah, I don't even know what she was doing. She was just up in Candy's face for no reason. Because, you know, Cynthia is, I mean, Cynthia and Peter, between the two of them, they got half a brain cell. I mean, she's dumb as a model. So, I mean, she really is.

She is. She is. You know, her ex-husband or ex-baby or her baby mom, dad, whatever, the guy, he's smart, he's hot, and Noelle is pretty, and she looks like she's going to be a smart young lady. But Cynthia, not smart. Cynthia is dumb. Her brain did not mature at the same rate her ass did. I think her fibroids ate all her brain cells. Fibroids. her fibroids ate all her brain cells fibroids fibroids so um so she is waving her finger in candy's face basically saying nothing because she has nothing to say she's just talking a bunch of bullshit and candy's like don't be waving your finger in my face see

now you're not right you can't be waving your finger in my face. Because, see, now that's just wrong. And then Peter comes up. And he's like, no, no, look. Here's the thing. Now, here's how it goes down. Now, here's what's going on. You know, because.

And he's getting in her face. And I'm sure he's not going to punch Candy. But he's in her face. And he, of all people, accuses them of acting street. Of all people. This is Peter. of all people accuses them of acting street of all people this is peter okay peter probably uses them yeah oh so he's yeah he's like all up in her face so todd pushes him out of her face and then mallory out of nowhere comes in i didn't even know mallory was there she's the mouse like she I'm gonna get out of the way.

I'm gonna push you out of the way. I'm Mallory. I'm gonna be here for three months. I'm gonna be here for three months. I'm gonna be pushing you out of the way for three months. I didn't tell anyone this, but I'm at the pajama party and I'll be here for three months. Hey, guys.

This pajama party is really nice. I wanted to know if I could maybe show my necklaces. Is this a pajama party trunk show? Look what I could do with a garbage tie. Hey, I could put a garbage tie and make it into a necklace and sell it at the Bailey agency. Hey, I'm Mal. I don't know why in my version of her she's always introducing herself and you know i mean of course we're suspecting that mallory is just auditioning for the show by even being there right but she has no personality so she could she couldn't be on the show because that's one thing

that they don't require brains or talent but they do require a personality which she does not have so i guess she tried to make her move which is the only thing I can think of, by pushing Candy and Todd to start a fight. So then Candy goes into a realm we've never seen. She goes into Mama Joyce mode. Now we see the Mama Joyce

in Candy, for sure. Basically, the metaphorical stiletto came off the heel and was in her hand. She was ready. A finger in my face? That is wrong! That is wrong! She went cuckoo.

She went absolutely bizarre. And I loved it. You know, because I love Candy. And good for her. Good for her for yelling at those morons. Like, it's about time someone really yelled at Peter. Yeah. I mean,

what the hell does he think he's doing? And all these people, it's like, they're trying to ruin a relationship and they're like, what would we do? Like you're, you're actively on television, purposely trying to ruin my relationship.

Like, yeah. And by the way, reason. And then you wonder why I'm mad at you. Yeah. And by the way, the way Peter talks to women is so condescending.

It's insulting. I actually, it gives me the creeps. He's so, like, you know, he always, he talks in this way, like, the women are just idiots. He'll be the one to be like, we're trying to have a conversation here. Like, no, y'all need to settle down. We're trying to talk man to man. As if, like, the women are so crazy and so stupid, which is actually true. But still, like, he actually true but still like he almost

it's like he doesn't give them any benefit well if he didn't act like a total baby i mean when when greg was having problems with nini i think this was on the nini wedding show greg greg's like well you know nini's mad at me and i don't know what to do about nini and peter's like listen man here's what you want to hear you're the the only thing that matter. You're the only thing I love. And then you fuck up. That's like basically his advice. So then on the Atlanta show, like two weeks later, Cynthia's like, Peter, I do not appreciate how you just went and bought a building without my permission. He's like, I can't take this.

This ain't fair. I don't want to live like this. This is bullshit. I need my own place. Listen to your own advice you fucking idiot so yeah it's hard to listen to peter because peter acts like the sensible one it's like you've been married a zillion times your eyes are bloodshot because you're high right now shut the fuck up yeah and get out of your bathrobe get out of your bathrobe uncle ben he didn't even know it was a pajama party he just showed up in a bath yeah that's how i'm thinking it just like it just worked out really well for him this time like why everybody dressed like me so yeah so the the big fight happened um and then

we get to see oh yeah i was gonna say then like i think the next thing was pretty much like it was like the post game right like yes it was where everybody was talking about their version of the fight which you know this show is very very good at how they how they piece it all together because that shit was hilarious because everybody has a different story and i have to say candy actually had the exact right story she was right yeah she got it, she got it right. Because she's a smart cookie and she pays attention to things and she understands things. She did not exaggerate anything. She did not try and make herself look innocent. And the editors were sure to put in scenes so that we know who's lying and who's not.

And everything Candy said was absolutely true. And I love that even the people surrounding Candy are like, you lost control you have to apologize that's it yeah you know because no one else has any kind of relationship like that a truthful relationship a mature relationship and she was like and you know and by the way and candy realized that and she's like you're right and she gathered everyone together meanwhile everyone else that they're in different places they just have enablers that are like you did the right thing you did the right thing you know and i mean i i get that too when you're in a big fight you do want some people to kind of like make you feel better but at the same time no one's even saying well you know you may have played a role in this

fight maybe you should apologize because you you did help in the escalation of this no one ever says anything like that and they should yeah well she's the only one who seems to have like a real relationship out of all those people well i loved when kenya's gay brandon came over and he's like all dramatic showing his like his very small uh black eyes although to be fair he got beat up by apollo that's no that's not gonna be a pleasant thing but i love when he was like i was thinking about pressing charges but then i thought about those two children and i decided this isn't just phaedra and apollo they're two they're two kids involved i'm like shut the fuck up don't act like you're a saint you're not a you're doing this because you just don't want to get embroiled in this battle legal battle whatever like i love when he said i know one thing i hold all the cards shut up i'm like you you like hold like the uno cards you know the cards. Shut up. You hold the Uno cards.

The cards that really don't really matter. Unless you're playing Uno. This is skipping ahead a little bit, but we'll come back to what we were talking about. Nene going off with her homophobia is a little offensive. I'm not really like that. We've mentioned this before, but even, you know, this week is getting even worse with her. And then Kenya's queen jumps up with his red thing.

Sit down, queen. You know, what do you have to say? It's like, whoa. You know, that's not really cool. I actually agree. Listen, I believe that Nini loves the gays. I believe that in terms of like... I don't.

No, no, meaning that like, she loves hanging around with gays and all this and that. But I think that her attitudes... We haven't ever seen her hanging out with one. What about, remember, Dwight? She and Dwight used to be thick as thieves. But the problem is that I think her attitudes towards homosexuality are not very progressive.

I mean, she does say homophobic things. Like you said, shut up, queen, and referring to him as a girl and all that. It sounds a little tone-deaf. And you know what? Let me make this clear. It's not that she's wrong.

She is a queen in a flaming red nightgown. And he was awful. She's right about it but you know you can't just like if we're going to be politically correct yeah you know we've we've all got to play the game bitch like even if you think it you can't say it that's just the rules okay yeah and i'm sure that her thing is going to be like oh well i couldn't be homophobic because i'm friends with ryan murphy you know who puts me on tv shows and he wouldn't work with me if i was a homophobe it's like bitch you just need to stop

calling well a lot of people a lot of people when they say things like what nini said they justify by saying like listen i love gays i love gay people and everything but no this guy was acting crazy and to me he wasn't acting like a gay person he was acting like a queen as if like being a queen is like a different category they're just like this awful crazy like uh it's like a separate version when when gay people act uh egregiously and terribly they become a queen and i understand that but but what nini has to understand is that people say the same thing about black people and i'm not saying this as an endorsement i'm saying people say the same thing about black people. And I'm not saying this as an endorsement. I'm saying people say, and it's bad. It's bad when people do that.

You know, people say, well, I like black people, but when they act like this, then they're acting more like N-words. And that's like, when people say that, it's like, it's awful. Like, that's not right. That's not right. And that's actually, she's sort of doing

a similar thing, you know? Yeah, she's being a hypocrite. What a shock. Fucking NeNe. Who would have guessed it yeah so um so nini okay i just was it's a subtle thing and i i hope people are able to understand what i don't think it's i don't i mean i well the meaning that like i was i think i know what you mean that it is a subtle thing but she's not the way she's doing it it's not a subtle thing

nini lease is not synonymous with subtlety. She needs to be called out on that shit and cut that shit out. And I'm interested to see if Andy's going to even have the nerve to say anything to her about it. He'll probably give her those disappointed cross-eyed things and she'll bring up Ryan Murphy

and he'll forgive her. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And she's like, I love black people, you know? I mean, gay people. I love black gay people. I love black gay people. Yeah, so she needs to cut that shit out that's the end of that so back to everybody telling their stories well candy is basically telling her she has a very mature version um phadra comes in

and she's just trying not to let loose on apollo because we've heard phadra you know when she thinks her mic is off how she really talks to Apollo. Why you talk that bitch? Like, she'll get, like, super, like, jailhouse on his ass. But this time, she was being really, like, quiet and just waiting to see what he had to say, and he's like, Well, here's what happened.

I was sitting on the couch, and then he came, I was bending over to tie my shoe, and then he looked like he had rage. So I hit him. I don't really know what happened. But, you know, I was trying to break it up. I was trying to break it up.

And then he tried to punch me. And then, I don't know, I guess maybe I hit him. I don't know. Maybe I did. I don't know. I love you, though. Really? And then they show the clip of him just, like, starting to lay into Brandon and punching him while he was on the couch.

Really classy, dude. So then we see the other version, which is, oh, well, we don't see Kenya's full version until later. Right. But when we do see Kenya's version, it's hilarious because Kenya is actually so crazy that no one will be on her side no matter what happens. And I don't blame them because Kenya is legit crazy. But in this case, she was actually telling the truth. Yeah. It's like I was walking across to talk to to talk to Mallory, the husband or whoever. The husband came up. The husband came up and grabbed my arm and i said don't touch me like no he didn't grab your arm he never touched you he never grabbed he just put his hands up to stop

you and by the way that's kenya was right and wrong because she was right in that she did just walk over and then i do think that he just tried to stop her but i did i loved how portia port of all the stories the one that was the most incorrect was Portia's. Portia's is like, from my vantage point, he did not lay a hand on you. And they show footage of his hand firmly clasped around Genya's arm. That's like, of all of them, the one that's completely incorrect

is Portia. Yeah, it's like, Portia, please don't be a witness for anything ever. Okay? This person will go to jail. So, the big fight, basically, basically let's face it that entire fight was mean he's foul she brings all these people together she knows all the shit they're talking about with the husbands and she just starts saying it and she would have gone over everybody's shit had it not blown up and now she's like well my feelings are hurt this really this really has me

low and i'm like you should feel low because you are fucking low. I mean, that is low what you did. It's like you're trying to break up people and trying to cause all this shit. And then just sit back. Yeah. And of all the people who were impacted by this, Nini is the least of the one. She's the one who was the least impacted. Okay.

Of course. So she's going to deflect and blame kenya i feel worse for the waiters that were there those like half-naked waiters who like you would see and as they're everyone's storming out you see them like cowering in the corner being like what did i sign up for i know they're like i was just supposed to masturbate publicly i didn't sign up for bruises and i love that the entire crew had to get into it because, you know, the crew, no matter what happens on these shows, you don't see the crew. Like, it's very rare that you see the crew. This time there's like 50 people suddenly in the room, like holding everybody apart with clipboards and head, you know, headpieces on and everything.

And then they're just gone again suddenly. It's like, OK, you know, we're back to normal. Meanwhile, the women then eventually all reconvene at at some sort of Korean spa, it appeared to be. And they're having tea. And of course, they're trying to talk it out, but that never works on this show. And they just start yelling. And I was so embarrassed for Candy and the others. Because you're in a spa, and it's supposed to be quiet and calm.

And you hear Kenya and you need the two loudest women just screaming at each other I was like I was like please someone stop these women get them out of the spa this is too difficult yeah Mimi does not give a shit she's like we pay for this place to shoot today and this is how we're shooting so fuck them

yeah so that show this was fun because we normally don't have really much drama to talk about on this show because it's just so fucking funny but even when they can be this dramatic and this much real shit can go down it's still the funniest one i laughed through the whole thing oh it's hilarious it was great great episode i i'm loving it this season i think the show is is is like tonally it's right where it needs to be. Normally at this time, I start to feel like Atlanta kind of loses its speed and then starts to limp its way to the finish line, but I'm like totally in love with it. happening where nini is being eclipsed for the longest time she's been the most popular one she's been the highest paid one and she's made the decisions when charie chased her out of that parking lot talking about her fake teeth and her ghetto cars and her past as a stripper and all

that stuff charie was fired she never came back and it was not because charie wasn't entertaining because she was yeah anyone who fucks with nini is gone and that's the end of it and everybody knows it and that's not going to work this year because this is the highest ratings they've ever had and this is the highest rated housewives out of all of them in general but this is the highest ratings they've ever had and it's due to kenya everybody knows it yeah and kenya and nini are now actually going to battle they're going at it on the internet internet because Kenya is not going to just sit back and take Nini's shit like everybody else. Like she doesn't give a shit. And so Nini is going to actually have someone to battle her for the first time ever. And she can't just get them fired.

So I think it's going to be a fun ride. Yeah. Oh, no. I agree completely. And by the way, one last thing I just want to mention. I loved every now and then during the big fight, both this week and last week, they would cut to Chuck and Monique. Remember Chuck, the football player? Yeah.

And this guy who a few weeks ago was talking about how, like, you know, he had all these bitches lined up and, you know, all that and sort of acting like he was like the man regarding candy and phaedra this fight goes down what's he doing he's hiding in the corner behind his woman i just want to point that out well yeah because he knew that he was next like those questions keep coming he knows he's gonna be next yeah he actually lucked out he really lucked out it'd would have been like, so, I hear you have a small penis. And second of all, what's up with you and Candy and Phaedra? Are we done with this one? We are done. Done-zo. We are done with the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Check. All right. We still have a lot more craziness, which goes directly into Blood, Sweat & Heals. I love this show. And there was plenty of craziness on display, thanks to Micah, our favorite drunkard of Sunday nights, who showed up at the Hamptons at Brie's house, wasted off her ass, which normally you'd say, oh, well, her dad just died, but she's always wasted. which normally you'd say oh well her dad just died but she's always wasted and she shows up and brie this girl brie she's like she's like the prototypical prissy rich girl she's the one when

there's like an 80s teen movie and the girl has the party and everyone trashes their house she's like you guys it's my parents house like i can't believe it she you know she is she's uh what's her face and can't hardly wait uh sabrina the she is? She's What's-Her-Face in Can't Hardly Wait. Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Oh, no, not her. Never mind. Who cares about that reference? She's Charlotte.

She's Charlotte from Sex and the City. Sure. The point is this. She's like, my parents, my parents. So Micah comes in. She's wasted off her ass. Demetria and Genevieve are totally assholes to store because they've been waiting for hours to go to dinner. Do you think they should have been?

Well, here's, here's the thing that was so funny. Okay. Before Mikey even comes, these women are all ready all over her ass. Like I cannot believe she is so late. How rude.

Can you believe that someone is that late to an event um excuse me bitch weren't you two hours late to that dinner party just a couple weeks ago i mean are you fucking kidding me with this so then she comes in and they're all you know she's drunk and she's like and they're all you know just giving her dirty looks like they're just so embarrassed by her and they can't believe that she would be so late. It's like, listen, bitches, I know you're sipping wine at a beautiful house in the Hamptons, but it is not your wine and it is not your house. Get over yourselves. You all live off your parents and run blogs.

Shut up. Yeah. And by the way, Brie, why don't you just like put out like a cheese plate, okay, to snack on? You got that wine. Just hang out. No kidding. What's the big deal? Or just call her and tell her to meet you at dinner if she's going to be late you know you know they know that she's coming from whether they knew or not whether whether they knew or not that her father had died they knew that she was visiting her father who was

terminal and was on his deathbed so if she's late she's late who fucking cares you're always late someone's always late black people the black people night atlanta and this show black people night they're always fighting over lateness listen we all accept black people time because atlanta has taught us about that we understand what it is we accept it you guys need to accept it, too. And stop berating each other over being on Color People Time. You know what it is. It's a real thing. It happens. We forgive it.

You guys need to forgive yourselves. Well, I also just like the way that Brie acts like this is like Downton Abbey. Okay? Like, this is some estate that needs to be respected. And she's like, we are well-established citizens of the community and we just cannot have this happening i'm like you know if you don't want to ruin your standing in the hamptons don't invite a reality show onto the property it's not micah's fault that you allowed bravo in you know the moment that you let bravo in you know that's like

letting in beetlejuice you know like yeah don't do it yeah your parents are officially trashed in that neighborhood now anyway and i love that she's like you can't go in there my parents are in there with with friends okay so your parents are having a dinner party basically and you guys are in the backyard filming because your parents won't even let you in the house they're like play you know you can play your theater games or whatever just do it in the backyard honey you know they probably don't even know what the hell she's doing back there yeah and also you know what like okay so micah might make a total fool of herself but like let her go in there she'll make a fool of herself people you know people have seen drunk people before you know even though they're your parents brie i guarantee they've seen someone wasted before and they will roll their eyes i'm

sure and they'll laugh you know what there was one time so my you know my parents are are you know they're refined folk i guess you could say and uh one time one of my friends got totally wasted in front of them like totally wasted falling over like fell over into a wall like a daily stand and i was so embarrassed i was like oh my god my parents are gonna be Ben, who are these people you hang out with? I was so, so embarrassed. And then so my friends sort of like sort of literally ricocheted from wall to wall and then went out of the room. And then my parents just started to laugh. And I was like, oh, yeah. Like, my parents, like, you know, people just because you don't like reality TV doesn't mean you can't hang with a drunk person.

And it actually is now one of the funniest stories that we have. Yeah, alcoholism goes way, way back, and we can all deal with it, okay? Yeah. But Micah was being fucking annoying. She was. You know what? If someone comes in raging drunk, that's not how you react. You don't tell them you're drunk and then make them feel like

shit because then they get emotional and that's exactly what happened they treated her like shit and then the bigger girls what are their names dimitria and genevieve i still can't decide if i'm behind this show so i'm not learning names yeah but those two girls are like do you want to go to the bathroom i think i I do. I do too. Like they're obviously being bitches. Yeah. Total bitches. And they're like, well, why is she mad?

Just because we went to the bathroom. And they're like, I don't do this. I can't do this. I'm not this kind of person. Really, bitch? You can't? Yeah. I'm so sure.

I also, I also love the way how fake Brie was. She's like, oh, honey, here, you know what? Let's just, let's just, can I just have a hug? I would really like it if I could have a hug. I just to hug and let you know that you're just like you're just great you're just great and then like micah goes out to the backyard she's like get that fucking bitch out of here get a fucking taxi get her out of here i'm sorry don't you don't you accuse me of being a bad friend i am a good friend i've always been a good friend to you i've always stood behind you and then the second she leaves she's like i can't be friends with her i've got

to get rid of her i mean she's a wreck listen i know what it's like to have a friend who is just like a wasted disaster and when they show up you listen you've been waiting for a while and they're wasted and you're just like annoyed you're like you know fuck you you're i've been waiting for you and you've been off getting drunk i know that feeling and it is very easy to be annoyed with them but then i don't know but like i don't know there's just they're better ways to handle it you just got to know how to like handle those girls were those girls were going to be bitches no matter what if micah came in completely sober they were going to be bitches if micah came in crying they were going to be bitches because you know she shouldn't be crying about a dad she didn't even have a relationship with and

hated anyway right and you know they were whatever happened they were going to start some shit with micah and then they free and then micah did exactly what they wanted and acted crazy and so now they can say well she's psycho and we're not going to hang out with her anymore yeah like well guess what the only again you know as happens on all of these shows the people who try and gang up on somebody no one wants to watch you boring bitches you have nothing to offer okay people want to watch micah that's it and you know what's funny is that going into this episode i really like dimitria genevieve and brie but um i don't know they they seemed um immature i think in the way they handled the situation snotty and immature yeah although of course you could also say it was really obnoxious for daisy to call up

uh brie and put her on speakerphone with micah right there and be like so tell me about the weekend and then like brie goes off and rants about micah you know without it was a classic uh jill zarin ramona kentis luan thing if you remember that yeah that was not cool but it was awesome because at least micah got to see Bree's true colors, who's like, I'm your real friend, and she's totally throwing her, I hate to say throwing her under the bus, but she was, you know, she was totally betraying her

in every horrible way that she could. So, yay. But Micah, you know, on the other hand, Micah did show up wasted. She did act like a damn fool. And then even when she was sober, she wouldn't take any responsibility at all for it. Yeah. And that really bugs me because that's typical alcoholic behavior.

Like, I'm not drunk. Well, she did have the best line, though. I can drink if I want to. I can stop drinking if I want to. But you're always going to look like Wesley Snipes. to i can stop drinking if i want to but you always gonna look like wesley snipes it was honestly the best i it was the best night of the night best line of the night and it's that says a lot because you know this is the same night that had phaedra telling us that's old news slut please move on like if you can top that line then you have a fucking amazing line and that's what micah did

i really hope phedra doesn't go to jail because she is hilarious i know i love phedra um so yeah i think i mean pretty much all that happened in bloods when heels was was just this fight and then uh there was some stuff about melissa ford and these sad parties that she goes to that she hosts um and then daisy doing i don't even know what Daisy did. Daisy's like a, Daisy's like a. Daisy played with her fucking wig, put on lipstick that was the wrong shade and then just giggled and drank someone else's wine like usual. Yeah, it's the usual stuff.

Either way, I love this show. Waited for Oprah to get off work. There's a, you know, we have, we still have so much to talk about. So I don't want to. Yeah, let's skip it. That's enough. We talked about it. It's a great show. Everyone should still have so much to talk about so i i don't want yeah let's skip it that's enough we talked about it's a great show everyone should still watch it we got the good stuff there um let's talk about top chef top chef okay here's my top chef finale why don't you tell everyone what happened first before you tell your theory well basically what happened was there was a front runner the whole season she kicked ash she

won the most challenges maybe ever who knows because she won a shitload of challenges and it gets to the end she does two extra courses to just like i knew she was screwed when she did that by the way two extra courses that were very well received yes but then two of her other courses they both had issues with two courses basically and so the judges were like oh my god this is going to be a tie it's going to be a tie and they gave it to the loser who's not only the biggest jerk of the season but he's also kind of terrible and should have been kicked off a couple times already it's not like this guy has had a good yeah so basically nina lost to nicholas and nicholas has been from much of the season he's been mediocre with a few good moments a lot of bad moments people have gone home because of him multiple times and uh somehow he uh he won this

whole thing and i i was so furious and i think everyone was furious with it well my theory is we saw a side of well we we've seen a douchey side of of tom before it's not like this is the first time but he was on super douche mode this this episode i mean that guy is so fucking full of himself at this point that he's out of control and he's a total douchebag and i can see why he's always choosing douchebags because it seems like at the end he's the one with the final say because everyone he wants always wins and they're always fucking douchebags if you look down the line of people who've won this show it's very very rare that they haven't been a douchebag yeah it's true i mean and nich Nicholas is a perfect example of that.

Although, you know, Marcel didn't. Marcel was a douchebag, and he lost out to Elon. But then again, Elon was a douchebag. Elon was a douchebag. Elon was a bigger douchebag, and Marcel was way better than Elon. Marcel was way better. Like, at least as far as wins and stuff like that. Yes, everybody was.

But Elon was terrible. Like Elon still talks about how hard it was winning because people hate him so much. Like the guy was just terrible, you know, and he won, douchebag. So that's what started it. No, who won the first year? Harold wasn't a douchebag. Harold was – Elon was a douchebag. Harold wasn't a douchebag. Harold was... Elon was a douchebag.

Harold wasn't a douchebag, but he's a little cold. He became a douchebag maybe later, but he seemed nice. He was just like a big, boring white guy. A lot of chefs are douchebags, though. Don't forget that, too. But on these seasons, there have been really talented people who weren't douchebags and they get beat by...

Okay, so look. I've got the list in front of me. So, Harold won over Tiffany, and Tiffany was a douchebag. She was a douchebags and they get beat by okay so look i've got the list in front of me so harold won over tiffany and tiffany was a douchebag so but that was season one before they went crazy yeah okay season two is where it really started elon yeah elon beats marcel that was just fucked up yeah the next season was miami and hung beat dale although hung was really good yeah he was very talented kind of a douchebag he was but he was hung was a douchebag but i didn't mind his douchebaggery i actually felt like he backed it up so well that i i didn't mind that i actually felt like he might have actually not been a douchebag but maybe it was being portrayed as one okay so so far one out of three we have

being a douchebag okay okay so then we have then we have season four in Chicago when Stephanie won. Definitely not a douchebag. No, not a douchebag. And she actually beat Lisa Fernandez, who was a douchebag. She was a huge douchebag, yeah. So, so far, we only have one. So, so far, this is not working in my favor. So your theory is terrible so far.

Go on. So season number five, Hosea won. Biggest douchebag. Oh, he's a douche. One of the biggest douchebags that's been on there. And he wore bacon shirts, which should get two points in the douchebag. He was like a douchebag, but not like an asshole douchebag. He was a douchebag because he was so lame.

And he beat Stefan. And he had that awful goatee thing. Hosea was a total douchebag. He was a total arrogant douchebag. You know what? Nicholas winning is probably the worst one since Hosea won. Although there was that guy

Kevin, too. Go on. The next year was Las Vegas, and Michael Voltaggio won over Brian Voltaggio. So that's the good brother, right? That's the bad brother. Is he the dick brother? Yeah, Michael

Voltaggio is more like the asshole. Very talented, though. But still a douchebag. We're just going to talk douchebags. And his brother, you could argue that his brother was equal or better. So that was a season where the douchebag beat a nice person.

In Washington, D.C., season seven, Kevin won. Total douchebag. So I get a point for that. He won over Ed, right? Over Ed, yeah. Ed should have won that season. Yeah, Ed should have won and was nice. Season eight, Richard Blaze, total douchebag.

But, oh, Richard Blaze, okay. Oh, the faux hawk. He had that faux hawk. Richard Blaze was a fucking douchebag but oh richard blaze okay oh the faux hawk he had that faux hawk douchebag he wasn't the first season he was on but he was definitely the second you know it's funny i thought he was more of a douchebag his first season and the second season i thought i found him to be very endearing because you know what because he beat out mike isabella mike isabella was the douchebag mike isabella was the biggest douchebag so i won't i won't give a point for that even though i think richard blaze was a total douchebag. So I won't give a point for that, even though I think Richard Blaze was a total douchebag. No, you know what? I'm going to give a point for that. Because he was a douchebag, and

there was times that he should have gone home, but they didn't because they felt like he should have won the first time. No, listen. If you're saying that a douchebag won out over a nice person, in the case of Richard Blaze and Mike Isabella, Richard Blaze beat out the bigger douchebag. So the nice person beat out. I took the next person. I took the point off.

I took the point off. Okay. San Antonio. Paul Cui. Oh, he wasn't a douchebag. He was nice. I remember that. And he beat the girl.

And the girl was a douchebag. Okay. Seattle, Washington. Kristen beat Brooke. No, she wasn't a douchebag. No, they both were nice. And season 11. Nicholas.

Douche. Douche. Okay. So both were nice. And season 11, Nicholas... Douche. Douche. Okay, so that's one, two, three, four. That's five douches out of 11. That is almost 50% of Top Chef winners. It's not. That's a douche theory. It's not your strongest theory, okay?

But I know what you're saying. It's pretty strong. If he had broken 50%, then maybe, but... Oh, well, I would have if I got the Richard Blaze point, but whatever. Could you work in some... No, you can't work in Just Desserts or Masters. By the way, I want Just Desserts to come back. No, they're all douchebags on Masters.

Oh, my God, Top Chef Desserts is the best. Now, that's really... If you want to see gay people going off the rails, like, in you don't watch it laugh those are cartoon games the real gays are on top chef i know and the problem with season two was that they had too many straight people they needed to have like way more gays that's that the gays are so real on that show and crazy like real gay people are but season one season one of justice earths was fabulous. Yes, it really was. I love, I love,

did they have three seasons of that? I think I love that. So, and then Morgan from season one has since been arrested on pedophilia charges. Yeah. Child porn. So actual pedophilia or just child porn. I don't know.

Maybe kiddie porn. Anyway, the point is this, the finale, I was really upset. Nina should have won. I was, you know, it was bad enough that Shirley didn't make it in. If it had been like a Shirley versus Nina finale, fine, great.

May the best woman win. I would have been happy for either one. But Nicholas, no. Oh, Nicholas. If he was just good, it would be okay. It's like he's a douchebag, but at least he's good. But he's not. He's an asshole, and he sucks, and he has rosacea.

I hate him. I knew that Nina was going to be in trouble when she couldn't make her ice cream. And that she had to do a backup thing. I was like, this is not going to be good. Desserts will always get you at the end. Yeah. Well, on Watch What Happens, they were both on after. And I watched that one.

And Nicholas is just, like, doing his, like, little kid thing where he's just kind of, like, hunching his shoulders and, like, aw shucks-ing, which is so fake. So he's doing that the whole time. And he made some comments like, well, you know, yeah, it was really hard. Like, when I was, they were expecting me to quit when that challenge went down and i had immunity and they were basically telling me to quit so tom calls in to that coked out of his mind i mean he's talking like like really fast and like doesn't shut up and he's just like blah blah and you know this season and the thing about doing this show and it's like no

one's interviewing you bitch but he called to yell at nicholas which was hilarious what did he say he's like listen nicholas nobody ever said you should quit all right we just have to go over every single option and one of the options was that you you would quit because you obviously made the worst dish and you know there were some times in that uh thing where you you just made awful awful food i mean just terrible and nina you know through the whole competition was really strong i mean she was totally consistent. I think she only messed up like one time. And, you know, I mean, Nicholas, I mean, there were times Nicholas should definitely have gone home and it was just disgusting.

But at the end of the day, you know, it came down to that one meal. And, you know, we had to pick Nicholas because, you know, Nina messed up ice cream or whatever. And Nicholas was mortified. And he was so mad. And he kept like kind of like side rolling his eyes. Like he couldn't believe that this shit was happening. It's like, just like,

here's your crowning. And then the judge is going to call you a douche bag on national TV. 20 times. Do you think the final judging should be just that meal? Um, yeah, I do. Why do you say that?

As much as I hate that, because I think Nina would have won if it wasn't. Because if not, then it would take any of the suspense away. I mean, Nina was the best hands down all season long. They would have just handed her the crown. But, you know, you have to do every single meal. Yeah. It has to be great. every single meal yeah has to be great but if there's one there should be some way in some in some capacity that your past successes don't just get erased with every new episode you know i guess

you could say by by by virtue of moving forward that shows that you know you're that's where your past successes well on the taste which i know you don't watch the taste but i'm obsessed and i now watch the british taste as well but on those shows well not the brit one but the american version they have stars so the top three dishes get a gold star and the bottom three dishes get a red star and they have to put them on their aprons so every week when they're standing there at, you see plainly who has like three stars or four stars or, you know, like who the good people are and who the terrible people are. And it does matter when they do it because they do do an overall thing. So if someone had a terrible dish and is about to go home but they have four gold stars, that's more than anybody else.

So they're going to stay. You know, they're not going to send somebody good home over somebody terrible that's good i like that so maybe something like that or maybe at the end they could say okay before judging begins who's been better all over the season who's won the most whatever and then that person automatically gets one point and then every other dish is worth a point or something yeah because they do that on um they do that on chopped and they also do that america's next top model where they just they they look back they take everything into consideration they do it on apprentice you know project runway yeah exactly they you know so even though yeah there may be a suspense issue i think it's important

to if you're talking about top chef you know i think it's important to that that where where you've been and where you've come from somehow plays a role into it it can't just be if you just have an off night then that's i don't know i i just feel like it's not it's not fair it's not fair yeah well but it is what it is and that show pisses me off all the time that That was nothing new. And I kind of knew it. I mean, like I said, I knew the second that she was like, I'm going to make five things just to show that I can. I was like, you're screwed.

You're going down. Yeah. For me, it wasn't the five things. For me, it was the dessert. I was like, oh, dessert. This is the problem. And that was super sad. But they also have guaranteed that they'll get her for their next All-Star season.

And then they'll hand it to her, even if she sucks, just like they did Richard Blades. Yeah. So let's talk about Shazza Sunset real quickly. Okay, good. This will be fast, because I couldn't. You didn't? No. I watched, like, three to catch up last time.

So I saw the first episode of them in turkey yeah that i was supposed to feel like all emotional over and thought they were total retards in turkey yeah so after that i was like no i unless they're gonna wear burkas i don't want to watch it so did you didn't watch last week no oh i will watch i will watch the finale tomorrow tell me what happened tell me what it was good it was actually a very emotional episode i i actually thought it was i'm glad i didn't watch it i'm not not going to film for those people. They're all horrible. I don't know.

Like, I feel that way, too. But then I admit, I got choked up. You know why? Because, so, what's his face? Reza and Asa and Asa's mom, they went to a border town. And they were pretty much, like, as close to Iran as they could get. You could see the towers, the snipers, everything.

And I don't know, as awful as two out of the three of them can be, you can't deny the fact that it's a very powerful thing, that they can't go back to where they're from, to where their home is, that they can't visit relatives,

but especially for the mother, the mother who spent so much of her life there the mother who like i said last week the old people yes i feel for them because they didn't do anything wrong they've done nothing but good you know yeah no i mean listen during during it the you know reza was making all sorts of stupid commentary being like all this anger that i had for all these years it's just like it went away i like released it and i felt like it went away. I like released it. And I felt like it went away. I was like, okay, whatever. I don't care. But I think it was more just the mother seeing her and, and seeing, you know, they were crying. And I thought it was, I thought it was very touching. I thought it was out of character for this show to be thoughtful.

And, um, I thought it was, I thought it was a beautiful sequence and it was it was surprisingly emotional um and then there was later on there was a segment where mj kind of had a freudian slip she revealed that she really wants to have kids and that she's you know she got very emotional because she realized that ship has probably sailed and i don't know there was something sort of very honest about that moment that um made me feel for her i don't know, there was something sort of very honest about that moment that made me feel for her. I don't know. Oh, whatever. MJ is going to be one of those girls who poops out a baby in the bathroom and is like, I didn't even know I was pregnant. There's one in each of her breasts.

So tonight, I guess, tonight, by the time this podcast is published, the season finale will have already aired. And I'm excited for it only because i keep seeing these commercials where reza says will you marry me will you be my husband oh god you let me cheat on you and treat everybody like crap around us and make an ass out of myself all the time i think i can stay with you you want to get married you want to get married? Ugh, gross. You want to get married? You want to get married? Anyway, it's a perfect way to kick off Valentine's Day weekend is to watch Reza's romantic moment with his boyfriend.

And you know what you should do? You should maybe buy some Shari's Ber berries and enjoy a Shari's berry while you watch the shots of sunset. Yeah. And don't forget to use the code. Watch. Ronnie and I made a deal that every time you say our code, we're going to sing it.

We also said we're going to sing Shari's berries every time, but it was too hard. It comes up too much. Yeah. But we can always, we can always sing the promo code which is watch yeah we'll have to ask for a longer one next time so we can have like a little song like can we have a five word code this time yeah watch what crap on okay um let's wrap

this up um thank you everyone for listening to this super long podcast. You can find Ronnie and all his terrific recaps at TrashTalkTV.com. Be sure to go read his Beverly Hills recaps and then post them on Facebook and share them with all your friends. Yeah, thanks. And come to the site this week and watch my Olympics in three minutes video because no one's watching it and it makes me sad. Yeah, everyone do that. three minutes video because no one's watching it and it makes me sad yeah everyone do that um ronnie is at trash tweet tv and uh he's also on instagram at trash talk tv i think and then i'm on instagram at b-side blog and i'm on twitter at b-side blog and i'm on vine at b-side blog

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