Watch What Crappens - #122: Ghost In The Machine

Episode Date: April 10, 2014

Ben Mandelker (twitter.com/bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) reunite in a semi-bonkers late-night episode of WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS. The guys take on the latest episode of "Real Housewives of New York City," from crazy Aviva to annoying Amanda and everything in between. Be on the lookout for an extended Ramona-in-Africa fantasy sequence. Then it's on to "Married to Medicine" where Ben and Ronnie welcome Dr. Heavenly into the fold by giving her a thorough "Crappens" read. Dr. Jackie gets into the mix too with her fat-shaming. Things then wrap up with "Real Housewives of Atlanta?" as Kandi heads into therapy and Kenya says goodbye to dearly departed Velvet :( If that's not enough, the guys go through all of Bravo's new programming slate, analyzing the shows that did (and did not) make the cut. Plus, Ben has a long yarn about meeting Top Chef: DC's Tiffany Derry in New Orleans. Definitely listen to this one! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Watch what Crappens? and lovely and beautiful co-host, the exuberant Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello, everybody. Ben, it's so lovely to have you back in my life. It's lovely having you back in my life, Ronnie.

By the way, Ronnie is at TrashTalkTV. And gosh, Ronnie, it's been like two weeks since we podcasted together. I know. It's so weird. We had our old little co-host Matt over here last week. I know. It's like deja vu. I mean, you might have even thought it was an April Fool's Day prank or whatever.

But by the way, I should mention two things. It's 1230 in the morning where I am, which is New York. Specifically, I am in my childhood bed. I'm in my underwear in my childhood bed podcasting. Oh, my God. You could be doing like a testimonial from Princesses Long Island. That's what it feels like. And we have some princesses news in a little bit.

But the reason if my audio quality sounds a little funky, it's because I'm in my parents' house with spotty Wi-Fi and no fancy microphone. And so this is like the ghetto band version. Nice. I like it. I'm in the ghetto Ronnie version because I'm in my apartment. And that's pretty much the version you always get from me. Rolling around on my kitchen tile floor. Like a pig in heat.

Yep. I am literally a pig in heat because summer is coming and I never, I always think, oh, I have so much time to lose 80 pounds. And then it's hot and I'm just sweating. People are like, why are you sweating? You're sitting down in the air conditioning. I think my body just knows that it's hot outside and I'm just sweating. People are like, why are you sweating? You're sitting down in the air conditioning. I think my body just knows that it's hot outside and I'm still sweating. Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I have been eating my way through this beautiful country of ours. Since we last podcasted, I've gone to Chicago and New Orleans and now I'm in New York and I've spent almost every waking moment eating food. I mean non-stop. Donuts and beignets

and multiples at each time and crawfish and hot dogs and cake. It's just out of control. Yum. And while I was on this crazy journey I was in New Orleans and I actually have a Bravo story from New Orleans.

Who is it? Anne Rice? Yes. Could you imagine? The writing's just about as believable. Could you imagine if Anne Rice were on The Real Housewives? People would be like, so, who is your ghostwriter? That is so stupid. because she writes ghosty things

she's like who's your vampire writer and she does write a lot of vampire things like drag queen women to be fair interview with a vampire was based on Aviva and the whole story was is it really going that fast the best part of real housewives of new york which will obviously get to later

was aviva seeing that machine that chopped off her leg and going you know what i've got to face my fear i'm gonna go headfirst into that machine i'm sorry i'm surprised please go headfirst into that machine. I'm surprised. Please go headfirst into that machine. Yes. I'm surprised they didn't put a banner up for her being like, hooray Aviva, you looked at a little machine. You did it. Rah,

rah. And then her husband got into the little makeshift guest room office and there was a banner up. It says, hurrah. You signed on to our free wifi. You did it. You did it. You did it.

By the way, you know what? He loves finding Wi-Fi. I feel like every scene he's in, he's like, okay, well, I'll let you guys go to it. I'm going to go find the Internet. How else could you stay married to Aviva? I mean, if that's not a Pornhub premium subscriber, I don't know what is. And by the way, you know the reason why she would want a banner over that machine is not because she's facing her childhood fear. It's probably because she has some irrational fear of farms now and deserves a banner.

At least that's what she thinks. She's like, I'm in tall grass. I deserve a banner. I will not eat organic. I've driven further than Westchester County. I deserve a banner saying, hooray, you did it. You went on the Taconic Parkway. In a machine.

In a machine. Okay, so let's roll it back. Roll it back. Roll back. Let's be like a Walmart price and roll back. Our audio today. So I don't know if it's because we're doing this late at night because 9 30 in la might as well be 12 30 in the morning like the way everyone acts here but um i don't know why but everything's so kind of muted i feel like we should be having a glass of wine and

feeling c c go through our hair c air blows through our hair sierra go through our hair. See air, go through our hair. Sierra goes through our hair. I feel like this is a loopy podcast already. I feel like I'm already being bonkers. So, okay, so here's what happened. I was in New Orleans for a wedding. My cousin Ariella married this guy, Frank. Congratulations, Ariella and Frank. Congratulations.

So it was this whole wedding thing. And then after the wedding um a bunch of family members came back to our hotel and in the hotel there's this jazz club and so it was like yeah come back to the hotel we'll like catch up and listen to music so it's it winds up being about 13 or 14 people that have come back almost all of them them are over 65. It's like, you know, like my dad, my mom, my aunt, whatever, like my cousin, Jill from Israel, who I haven't seen since I was like, maybe two, I don't know, like all these, all these old people basically. And then my cousin, Shira, who's, who's our age and her boyfriend. So we're sitting there listening to jazz,

listening to drinks, whatever. And I see actually a fairly striking black woman walk into the jazz club. And as I look at her, I'm like, I wonder if that is, and I turned to, I turned to my cousin Shira and I'm like, Hey, Shira, do you watch top chef? And she's like, yeah, I watch it. I'm like, do you think that's Tiffany from, from top chef DC? Ronnie, do you remember Tiffany? Oh, yeah, I watch it. I'm like, do you think that's Tiffany from Top Chef DC? Ronnie, do you remember Tiffany? Oh, yes. Tiffany Derry, right? Yes, I love Tiffany.

Everyone loved Tiffany. She was all really nice, but then she started turning into a bitch at the end. I really liked that. She was, well, I never thought she was a bitch. I thought she was great. She got a little bitchy towards the end. Well, I loved her. As I recall.

Well, I loved her. Well, she deserved to be a bitch because that was the season that What's-His-Face won, Kevin or something, and he did not deserve to win. So anyway, I just mentioned this thing to Shira, and we look at the picture, and while I'm mentioning this, my dad overhears this discussion. What? What's going on? And all of a sudden, things escalate from like zero to 60. Because now all of a sudden, my dad is like, super interested in finding out how I'm going to approach Tiffany, if it is Tiffany. He's like, Ben, this is what you should do. This is what you should do. Or how about this? I'll call over the waitress. And the waitress will go over and say something to her. And I was like, Oh, my God, Dad, please stop. Because it's like, you suddenly become an eighth grader, you know, when you're with your dad. i don't know if this happens to you does it but it happens i do yeah i start yelling at my parents

and like resenting them and then asking for money while i'm still crying yeah so i'm like dad please stop i'm like for some reason i'm just like super embarrassed because i know he's gonna make a scene because side story there is one time when i first moved to la i was at the one-on-one coffee shop which you know the one-on-one Shop, it's a diner in Hollywood. Of course. Of course. Terrible service, terrible food, but we still all go there and sit there for 10 hours anyway and complain about it. But they have good milkshakes.

Never know when Stevie Nicks is going to come in. Yes. So this is like in 2002, 2001, 2002. I'm sitting at the counter. My dad and my mom are directly to the right of me. And Johnny Knoxville walks into the restaurant. And so I turned to my dad. I'm like, oh, Johnny Knoxville walked in. And he's like, who's that? I'm like, you know, he's like jackass. You know, he's there having some Senate hearings right now. And my dad says, who? What? What are

you talking about? So at this point, Johnny Knoxville is walking over. I'm like, okay, you know what, dad, Don't worry about it. I'd like to be quiet now, you know? But my dad has no idea what's going on. He doesn't hear what I'm saying. Johnny Knoxville sits directly to the left of me, okay? My dad is directly to the right of me. These two men are separated by a foot

and a half of space, basically, or however wide I am. And all of a sudden, my dad starts going, Johnny Knoxville, who? Jackass? Ben, what are you talking about? Who is a jackass? Who is Knoxville Johnny? I was like, oh my God. So I'm having flashbacks of this while I'm here in New Orleans to Tiffany. And finally I'm like, okay, whatever. I've certainly like approached enough reality stars and whatnot in LA to be able to handle this situation, even though I'm feeling such intense pressure because

like my dad and now a bunch of people in my family are like watching me and they've actually said that they're going to grade me. So now I'm like, I feel so super awkward. You know, it's like being at like a school dance or something and having a chaperone, like, your parents' chaperone, like, watching you, like, trying to dance, you know? Am I divulging too much of my... No, no, go ahead. I'm like, wow, your parents chaperoned you? Mine were like, why aren't you going to the dance? Drop the little debbies.

Stop crying. Why are you walking back and forth? You're not autistic. You're artistic. Go to the dance! Why are you walking back and forth? You're not autistic. You're artistic.

Go to the dance! So anyway, so I just like walk over to Tiffany because I'm like, I'm just trying to be discreet about it. I'm just trying to be like, oh, hey, because at this point I just have to know because I'm not even totally convinced it's her. So I walk up and she's with her two parents. And I'm like, excuse me, I have a question. And as I start to say this, it's very clear this is definitely Tiffany just seeing her face and the way she's already started to react. I'm like, are you Tiffany from Top Chef? And she's like, I am.

I was like, oh, my God. I was like, I loved you on the show. And I'm like, it's so funny. I was like, we had this whole discussion over there. I didn't know if I should come over and say hi, da, da, da, da. And we're getting, everything's fine. All of a sudden, my cousin Jill from Israel comes running over out of nowhere. And it's like, oh, my God, you're on the show, the top chef.

Can you tell me about Gordon Ramsay? How's Gordon Ramsay? I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, no. I'm like, oh, my God. She's like, I love your work, Aretha. Yeah, she was. She was like, I love that Gordon Ramsay. I love that Gordon Ramsay.

And so I'm like, oh, gosh. Then she goes, what's the name of the small one? The small one that everyone hates? They all call her bitch. What's the name of that girl? I was like, Jamie, the scallops. She's like, no, no, not scallops. You know the one they call the bitch.

The bitch. And we're like, oh, my God. This is like my attempt to be discreet is now blowing up in my face. It's like Cousin Jill is saying these things. Next thing I know, here comes my attempt to be discreet is now blowing up in my face as, like, Cousin Jill is, like, saying these things. Next thing I know, here comes my dad. And my dad comes over. He's like, no, I just want you to know that we had a running bet over how Ben was going to approach. And then here comes Shira.

And I was like, oh, my God. All of a sudden, we're like, and then, like, Tiffany's parents are like, well, you got to take a photo. So now we're, like, standing up. And then we're, like, sort of posing for a photo together. People in the restaurant are clearing chairs away for us, and then here comes my mom. My mom walks over, and my mom thinks that Tiffany is a friend of mine that I ran into.

So my mom's like, hi, how are you? I'm Mrs. Mandelker, you know? And now we have, like, a group of people, and all the, all, like, my whole group is now standing up here. And for some reason, in all this like craziness and confusion tiffany and her parents take a picture with me and my parents as if we're like two long-lost families that have known each other for 20 years and it was the most like exact opposite of what i wanted to happen like Well, one family four, if not

to embarrass you. Could you imagine? This was like what I imagined my big fat group wedding was like, because I never saw that movie. It was my big, fat Jewish, black New Orleans wedding. I say that because my cousin Arielle

married a black guy, not because Tiffany's black. So that's my story. Oh, wow. I hope it wasn't too long for you all. No, that's funny. A little bit. You're like, that's funny. I'm opposite from you.

You never have any problem going up to anybody. I just, I never do. I'm like, oh, my God, what am I going to say? I can problem going up to anybody i just i i never do i'm like oh my god what am i gonna say i look i can't go up to them and you're like hey what's up i'm ben i love you whatever well and then they're like you want to take my picture well if you guys want to i'll post it on the page it's also on my twitter uh b-side blog and oh by the way our facebook page facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. Of course you should watch that.

So now let's get on to some more interesting Bravo news that probably affects many more people than just me and my family. They announced, Bravo announced their new slate of shows. They announced what's coming back what's new and what is not apparently coming back so i yeah they didn't actually announce what's not coming back did they or did they just not put it on the list well they didn't say what was canceled but they didn't include certain things on the list for instance real housewives of miami nowhere to be seen uh yeah someone posted on our facebook a Leah Black rumor fix article, and it says, rumor fixed.

Leah Black addresses the fact that her show isn't on the list. And apparently Leah said, what? I don't know. No one knows yet. Like, thanks for the fascinating article, rumor fix. So nobody nobody knows no one's told her it's canceled but that's so bravo isn't it they're just like well we'll just never call you again yeah i think that is actually very bravo um thanks for the fun times bye i think they should move leah over to beverly hills i don't think they'd ever do it but they should i mean they could she

has a house in the hills as we saw on the show, so they could feasibly put her on there, but I guess the rumor is that Joanna Krupa is going to join Beverly Hills, which is great because all that show needs is another hideous personality. Yeah, who's only interesting if they drink. Yeah, exactly. You know what? She should shoulder some of the blame for the show getting canceled because she decided not to drink this past season. And You know what? She should shoulder some of the blame for the show getting canceled because she decided not to drink this past season.

And you know what? The past season of Miami sucked after the second one was so good. Yeah, she needs to drink more. And alcoholism is a very good thing on TV. If you're going to get sober, do it when you're not on TV. Do not mess with my season. Yeah, do it on your own time. Yeah.

She doesn't need to shoulder any more weight, okay? She's got a very large head a very beautiful model head but large nonetheless enough um um so yeah i don't what else is missing from there princesses long island oh my god i'm sure there's gonna be a rumor fix with stupid ashley saying we never know. Interesting things are happening. The girls aren't getting along. I had a stroke. Mom, save me.

Me. Send me a jet. Every time I walk outside and see the house across the street with the couch on their porch, I think of that little bitch. Every single day. You know, at that show, I, you know, I understand it was a very annoying show, but gosh, I loved it. I loved that show.

I think it was at least interesting. Some of these other shows, I'm like, ugh. You know what? I have a theory. I have a theory that Bravo is trying to expand their brand because as we go through some of these shows shows you'll see a lot of them tend to deal with like dating and relationships and you know this is now two seasons and two years in a row where bravo has had like a really entertaining all-female ensemble aka gallery girls and princesses long island admittedly gallery girls was far superior in both cases they were axed

yeah i think it's just because they're too young. You know, the older women don't want to look at the younger women because they have to raise them already. You know, no one's worse in your life when you're a mom than your teenage daughter. They're horrible. They're so mean to you. I mean, I'm not a teenage mom, but I was a teenage girl. Wait, I'm not talking.

It's late, damn it! But you know what I mean. teenage girl. Wait, I'm not talking. It's late, damn it. But you know what I mean? I know. So, you know, another thing, another show I did not see on the list was I didn't see Around the World and 80 Plates, which is good because that show is not good. But also Top Chef Masters, I did not see on the returning show list, which I'm not interesting. But maybe but maybe, you you know what though i think this

is like for fall shows so maybe bravo's the kind of network to be like oh we're not doing anything nothing's going on a brand new show starting tonight we're not going to advertise it but it's on yeah okay bye exactly and then they're like why didn't anybody watch a show and then they don't put it on hulu you can't find it anywhere on the internet they block everybody on youtube they're so stupid they are also from looking at this list just from the first glance through it looks like they're like well a hot we've got housewives that are successful top chef and uh what's the other one oh and and millionaire matchmaker so everything's either a dating show a cooking show or an old lady fighting with you show. Yeah, that's pretty much it. And, you know, the thing is with, even though Top Chef Masters is not coming back, something called Top Chef Duels is coming when the blurb is, the 18 most memorable contestants from

previous Top Chef seasons returned to the kitchen to compete with each other one-on-one as celebrity chef Curtis Stone hosts. I have to say that does not interest me. No, and Curtis Stone, Jesus, there couldn't be a more fitting name for a person. Seriously. Unless it was plastic. Well, the thing is also that the whole

food competition space has become overcrowded because Food Network has, of course, turned into the Food Competition Network. You have like one 35 second slot of cooking and the rest is like guy fieri uh doing some like kitchen kitchen comp something competition running to a supermarket or chopped version three nine ten i'm not even making sense i'm sorry i'm

making no sense and actually you're making a lot of sense. That's totally what they do. They're like, cutthroat kitchen. It's like Chopped, but more like Top Chefs. But instead, you have to bargain for terrible ingredients. What? What is this show? Everything is basically like a riff on Iron Chef

or like Kitchen and... Restaurant Impossible or Kitchen Impossible, whatever it is, Kitchen Nightmares it's all that or in Chopped all I need is Anne Burrell in her kitchen waddling around making really fattening food

talking to herself and going oh Ricotta Balls, I love you I love you so much look at these cuties look at these little cuties aren't you these cuties. Look at these little cuties. Yeah, aren't you guys cuties? B-T-B-R-T-S.

Bring to boil, return to simmer. And what's the onion chop one? I don't remember. She has all sorts of really stupid camp counselor type things that she says. Okay, so let's go down a list we have odd mom out that's odd mom out is actually a scripted show which should be they've got a couple of these finally coming out they've also got this girl girlfriend's guide to divorce which sounds like really uplifting um yeah based on the best-selling girlfriendfriend's Guide book series by Vicki Iovine. I wonder if that's Jimmy's wife.

Maybe. So those are the two scripted series. In terms of unscripted, we have Top Chef Duels, which we just mentioned. I'm not totally sold. Similarly, there's a show called Best New Restaurant with Tom Cliccio that's being produced by Gordon Ramsay, actually. And it's Tom Cliccio and company pick 16 of the country's best new restaurants to battle, leaving one with a cash prize and the title Best New Restaurant.

Again, this feels like any generic show on the Food Network. Well, this is actually based on Ramsay's Best Restaurant, which is really good. I love that one. I think I saw the first season of it on Netflix. They have it. And it was really, really good. Of course, the American version will be really loud music and a who wants to be a millionaire set.

And people will fall through a trap door to their death if they don't cook something or whatever. But that one was really good. I hope this one keeps up. By the way, I have to say I really like the comment that you just made, the who wants to be a millionaire set. Because every modern game show has that set where it's like dark and gloomy and the music is super serious like yeah the fun sets i mean even the taste on abc was like all serious well that's what uh what made me think of it because i like watching the taste uk because it's really like the music is like classical music and they they're in a kitchen that looks like a real kitchen you know it looks i mean it's the set but they look more real and then the american ones like

i hate that strobe lights and shit it's like they're making pop tarts it's like the weakest link remember Remember the weakest link? Yes. Whatever happened to that lady? I don't know. She's probably... I thought she was going to be like Judge Judy. I was about to say, she's probably working at the DMV. Okay, so let's go through the rest of these.

A hundred dates. A group of young New Yorkers try to find love in the city in his docudrama. Oh, so this show, the thing with this is that it's going to be shot in the same week, Big Brother style. So that way you can sort of be in on the action. But I don't know who's going to be able to land a date with who wants to date someone who's being who's dating life is being documented on the fly i don't know yeah probably everybody because everyone's a freaking whore that's true just watch southern charm look at all those old fuckers getting dates you think those girls are with them because they like balls down to the

knees that's true. There's a camera there. You wouldn't hook up with T-Rab if you had the chance? Please. People don't even keep their peepees private anymore. They're all over the grinder. By the way, did you watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend? I think there was a veiled

reference to Bravo on it. Because they had some bit where they were interviewing, um, Bethany Ravenel from Charleston, South Carolina. And I was like, that is too coincidental. Ravenel, Ravenel is a big name in Charleston and Bethany is a big name in Bravo and they're all on Bravo. Um, well, I don't, I don't watch that show. I can't. Is this my life that I'm like looking for Bravo Easter eggs on Saturday Night Live? I haven't watched SNL in a long time.

I don't know why. Friends to lovers. You guys, can friends be lovers? I don't even care. Who wants to? Manzo'd with children is like... Unless I know you first without your pants on, I can't date a friend. Have you ever done that?

I have not, actually. I can't do it. I think you're super cute and nice. There's no reason I shouldn't think you're dateable, but I know you. Why would I want to date you? It's gross. I can only date you if I've met you naked. Yeah.

I think that's a good way to go about it. Mansard with children. Do we need anything about this? Unless I'm going to see Senior Albert fucking some waitress in his secret apartment or whatever, and the guy's trying to figure out their new passcodes for their Wells Fargo ATM accounts, then I don't care because that show is full of shit. Yeah, plus it also sort of looks like it's called Matzo with Children, which also doesn't...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry, listeners. My brain is just going... Matzo with Children. Matzoed. Matzoed with Children. Yeah, Matzoed with Children.

It's probably just as dry and tasteless as matzah. Here's one that I would watch. Euros of Hollywood. Six Europeans hailing from places from Albania to Italy seek to take on America when they move to Los Angeles. I'm in. I'm in for another culture coming in with their

fucking terrible manners and even making Americans look well-mannered. It's going to be like shots of sunset, but these people are going to get really hairy in the ears a little bit later on. This will be, this will be hilarious. I'm like,

I think that's a great idea. It'll be great. I'm for it. And I'm also for this next one, ladies of London, this docu-series will follow the lives of a group of prim and proper British socialites and their day-to-day dramas. Prim and proper.

I am sold. Um, real housewives of London. I guess I just didn't want another spinoff, but yeah, I'm excited too. And I really like the things that people in London will wear. Like in this picture,

one of them is wearing a bright pink dress with these like hairy shoulders. And they can always just blame it on the Queen's Jubilee. Like, well, you know, it was the Queen's Jubilee and whatnot. Well, they just explain it like everything English people do.

They're like all countries older. It's like, that's it. Like they're creaming. Yeah. I've had a 20 year struggle with fashion in London. Oh my God. They even cut out the carry scenes in married to to Medicine. Okay, we need to speed up

through this list so we can get to talking about Married to Medicine. Okay, but this one sounds amazing too. Game of Crowns. Six mothers and wives compete in Mrs. Pageant and struggle trying to find the right bikini and raising their kids right. Girl, this is the first of all, the bikini

on this woman is a frowny face bikini i don't have pictures my article doesn't have pictures i'm very upset yeah mine does um but this lady she's wearing this red white and blue bikini because i guess that's her theme it's like an america theme but the stripes are going down it's like her boobs are frowning whoops no and it makes a lot of sense it makes a lot of sense no but. It makes a lot of sense. No. But yeah, this show is like older ladies competing for crowns. And there's nothing more pathetic than that.

I agree. I love that. I mean, old ladies would be actually cute. Yeah, these are older. But almost old ladies, not cute, sad, sad. Grasp it. That's what we like to watch on Bravo.

Million Dollar Listing Miami. Interesting. Million Dollar Listing Miami. Interesting. that's what we like to watch on bravo a million dollar listing miami interesting dollar listing miami oh oh i don't know i can't i like la i watched the la one but i can't with new york i keep trying awful new york is so phony and i know that the la one is phony too but there's something more enjoyable about it yeah Yeah, it doesn't seem as funny. I saw Josh What's-His-Buns. Flag. No, not the evil one. The nice one. No, the flag is the nice one. Oh, the flag, yeah.

The evil one. And he was not in a little suit or anything. He had, like, your haircut-ish. And he was in, like, little skinny jeans that were, like, rolled up past his ankles and boots. And he was really cute. He looked like a little hipster so yeah that one's fake too obviously but i like it yeah i like i i enjoy that one i just new york i can't i just everyone is like so awful and yeah everyone's awful in in a specific way and you

guys know i have a very high tolerance for awful people on bravo and i just i can't with those three yeah that shows really stupid okay jersey bell i like the name i'll watch it um untying the knot not watching nope you will no oh you won't watch it yeah i can't watch that extreme god to parenting nope no no real house on some other fucking channel this is this is 40 year olds with fake problems all right get your fucking babies on another channel get that on my face you don't want it's bad enough i have to deal with that shit in public yeah real housewives of atlanta candy's wedding no no nope not even unless there's a hidden camera in todd's car so we can see where his ass is

actually going at night the best the best part is that the description for it, they're really trying to make this one stand out from the other wedding shows. So they say, this is going to follow their whole planning process, including how they're going to pull off a Coming to America themed ceremony. What? Coming to America? Oh my god.

I hope they mean the movie with Eddie Murphy, please. They have to, right? What else could they mean? I can Eddie Murphy, please. Yeah. I do. I have to, right? What else could they mean? I can't wait. Riley. See, now,

when I came to America, I was like, Riley, gonna work at McDonald's. Mama, why you so mean to my man, mama? Okay.

I'm gonna date him anyway, mama. Okay, we'll get to that brilliant musical in just a little while all right well i i think we've gone through enough of this all right now we're going into some other list that's like development i don't care about development i don't care about development the stuff that actually makes it to air is terrible enough without knowing what they're thinking though if this shit makes it to air imagine what they're actually planning i know i

know by the way xyz there you go no by the way below deck is going to have a whole new cast i read somewhere so that's something for some people to look forward to yay new maids yay all right so let's move on to our shows which one do you want to start with okay i would like to make an announcement yes i do not recap Real Housewives of Beverly Hills lost footage or whatever, and I do not watch it. Sorry. Bye. That show needed to die ten weeks ago. Bye.

See you later. Hope it's with a whole new cast of women, bitches. Bye. Yeah. And I did not watch Southern Charm this week or last week. Last week because I was in Chicago, and this week I just haven't had time to watch it yet because I'm doing all sorts of family stuff. Alright, well

I'm going to be gone from this podcast for two to three weeks and in that time you had better have a Southern Charm marathon because people on the Facebook page are like, oh my god, this show's amazing. I love it. I love Southern Charm. I just haven't had a time to even watch it yet.

Well, I was just watching a little piece of last week because I need to catch up with this show. Because I got another job doing something for the next three weeks. So that's why I'm going to be gone, by the way. And that's why I'm having trouble keeping up with my show.

But at least that one. You know, I can have my four, but Southern Charm, it's like, Jesus, how much is this shit? I mean, I'm even like that when I do nothing with my life. But at least that one. You know, like, I can have my four, but Southern Charm, it's like, Jesus, how much of this shit? I mean, I'm even like that when I do nothing with my life. But anyway, Southern Charm, I was trying to watch it right now before we started talking just to see what was going on. And the mother, Whitney's mother was telling

Ravenal, well, maybe you should stop impregnating 21 year olds and refocus. I do not like him. I do not like him. I do not like him. I don't like him. I don't like him. I don't like him.

I don't like him. Let me say it again in case you didn't hear what I said. I do not like him. I'm not behind the whole idea of you opening a restaurant. It's pedestrian and banal. I love that woman. Pat. I love her name is Pat.

Yeah. She is wonderful as long as she stays far away. Yes. Should we start with New York? We're not talking about that one. Why don't we start with New York since it happened in our brains just minutes ago. And literally it happened. I just watched it.

I just watched it also. Aviva aviva aviva oh my god what's the deal with aviva because she doesn't even seem like she's that bad like i don't cringe when she comes on some of them i cringe like that amanda girl that new girl oh no some of them they just give me that gag reflex but aviva she doesn't bug me i can see why she bugs everybody else but she is well you know what she's very shrewd i think i think she's crazy and she's shrewd and when i say that she's shrewd i mean that she is aware of her image and how she wants to fix it. And so she's been going out of her way to seem friendlier and more relatable. And so sometimes you do sort of feel like, oh, she might actually be a cool girl.

But then as you saw at the very top of this episode, she's still like a lunatic, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. A crazy, crazy lunatic. Yeah. It doesn't bug me.

It does not bug me. I'm laughing so hard at her. I love how she fights by when she's just plainly wrong and lying, which she totally is every time she opens her mouth, but that she doesn't even consider what, and she does she opens her mouth. She doesn't even consider what... It's like she doesn't even hear anybody else, you know? She wins by just talking over. And I hate

that in real life, but on TV I just think it's so hilarious. But she's also, like, she's so self-serving. I think that's what also makes her so awful. Like, for instance, you know, one of the things, after this whole fight that started off the episode is that her friend who maimed her texted her. My God, her friend.

She's like, you look exactly like you did when you were seven. I was like, really? God, what is in the water in that town? Yeah, so what happened was this woman, according to the show, texted Aviva for the first time out of the blue, which doesn't make sense because how would she know Aviva's number? And it was like obviously they'd had some interaction. And when Aviva was explaining this, this was clearly like, this was a very staged scene where they were talking about it.

And Aviva's like you know like she must just feel so terrible she just must oh she must be wracked with guilt i want to go up there and make her feel better like oh shut the fuck up aviva yeah like this isn't about you having another fucking scene about it's about the children who don't have any legs no um no but it's but then of course she gets up there, uh, when she starts crying at some point and she said, Oh no, I'm sorry. It wasn't before that, before that she was talking to Sonia and she's talking about her book and she's talking about her memoir.

She's like, I have a story to tell. I mean, I am helping amputees every single day. Yeah. You're helping them realize they want to throw themselves off the pier. You know, they're like, I don't want to be like her. Don't associate me with her. I'm helping amputees. She's just like, you know, she's so self-important sometimes.

All the time. I think it's hilarious. It's like the second season of the show, and she's trying to, you know, make her image. I don't even know what I'm saying. She's trying to help her image, and so she goes to the fucking barn. That was hysterical and she's like well i guess the normal reaction would be to feel fear and i was like i feel hope go up to that machine give it a big hug and let's just see what happens go on what kind of machine was that anyway what is the process i i i don't know it said it was a barn they said it was a barn cleaning machine and from what it looked like it sort of looked like it was gathering

some hay I don't know on the one hand I mean obviously I can see exactly how you could lose a leg in it even though it's like so small not small but like so dinky but at the same time it is so dinky after hearing these stories I was imagining giant

blades and like menacing groans and noises. Instead of just this tiny little conveyor belt that's just like, do-do-do-do-do, moving along. I was just imagining an old man with cleavers who was just sick of listening to her tell terrible stories. I mean, I will say this.

It wasn't... I still respected the fact that she lost a leg and that's super scary. And to come back to the barn where it all happened and everything. Don't give me a break. Oh, my God. Okay.

And also, someone posted on her Facebook page, By the way, Aviva's family sued that girl's family and won $1.6 million, which helped her go to fancy Vassar College. Oh, well is that certainly explains uh why they haven't talked in all those years well that yeah well i mean i what i was gonna say is i mean like no matter what you say about aviva i mean it was a traumatic thing and it is sort of like it is like somewhat powerful to see this moment but um yeah but at the same time aviva is just awful and especially hearing that little tidbit, it's like, oh, well, never mind.

And also, I believe that she's actually friends with that girl because they're both so self-important. That girl, okay, this woman just got her leg chopped off. Well, not just. Like, 60 years ago, got her leg chopped off. And you're sitting here crying because it's all about you. It's like how you feel. She's like, yeah, I was so traumatic. That whole thing. I mean, of course, you can imagine when, you know, at seven years old, you feel a huge responsibility.

It's like, really? Do you at seven years old? Is that what seven-year-olds feel? Because I don't know that that's how seven-year-olds generally feel. Well, you know, it was kind of funny to me also is that the woman never said anything like, you know, every day that goes by i think to myself oh my gosh like how i've like ruined this woman's life can she do this can she do that it was aviva who said that aviva looks like well you know she's probably thinking all these things like can she have a baby can she be successful she's probably thinking about she's having these thoughts every single day about me

and the woman's like really could you come to my house and bring some of that 1.6 million dollars my family gave you so i can save the farm yeah or gets taken away she's like she's she's like enjoy writing your memoir that that you know you took 1.6 million dollars from us and now you're gonna capitalize on it with your memoir and we paid for that ghost writer yeah the ghost writer was operating the machine. It was a ghost. So before that, we ended up, we started this episode at that fight that we ended with last time, which was in the Hamptons and Heather telling that new girl off, which I loved. Because that Amanda girl was horrible. She was being really rude and really loudly rude.

I mean, not even politely, quietly rude. And when she got told off, of course she does what every bully does. She crumbles and acts like a victim. You are being really aggressive right now. That girl, by the way, belongs on the Orange County cast, not on the New York cast.

Totally. Oh my god. That's the best description of her I've heard yet. She is not in a league with these women. And these women are not in any special league themselves. But still, they're much better than this girl. Yeah, that girl has a... Someone posted this on her Facebook as well. That she has her own website, you know, which who doesn't.

But she was posting... Her bio says, The newest member of the Real Housewives of New York City. Come onto my blog and vote for whether I should be a regular housewife. And so you go to the poll, and it's a Poll Daddy poll, you know, so she can't rig it. Really? It's not like moveon.org? Change.org?

It's Poll Daddy. So she can't rig that shit. And it is overwhelmingly like, get rid of her. Which I love. I not only love that the vote went that way, but that she keeps it on her blog. She probably has no idea how to take it off.

She's like, huh? I'm loving Heather this season. I feel like last last season in the first half i really did not like heather because i thought she was very fake and phony and i felt like she was like a a bitch who hid behind this big smile but now she's just like just being a bitch and i love it well now you can see that she's really a bitch and she just smiles occasionally to, like, get a different look on her face. Like, you can't be, you know, like, you can't just have the same look all the time or it would look like a mask. You've got to do something else.

But she's like a bitch in a good way. Like, she's the sort of bitch that gets shit done. She's like a Hillary Clinton bitch, you know? Like, she is just. Well, she's never gone against anybody that I've disagreed with her. Yeah, exactly. And I loved the way that she went after this Amanda girl. But what I also thought was funny, you know, at various times when she was going off on Amanda,

especially when she said something like, motherfucker. You know, to quote Serial Mom, motherfucker this, motherfucker that. the words black history. Rosa Parks, reconstruction, MLK, February, black history month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. They're like, this counts as street cred, Heather, cursing. I was like, no, no, no. Oh, my God, Heather. She's like, yeah, you want a cap in your butthole? Would you like me to cut you from your ear to your ear, missy? That is for shizzle. She's like, do not make me tag my nombre on your buttocks. All right, young lady?

Whoa, she is so street right now. I know, and I love that they're like, yeah, she hung out with P. Diddy. Yeah, she, like, fitted P. Diddy for skinny jeans. It's not like she was best friends with P. Diddy. She's like the costume lady on the rap tour who's like, what's up, homies? But it's also, like, the implication that Diddy represents being the most hardcore of all time. Like, oh, now I see why she can hang with Diddy. Yeah.

Like, they're imagining, like, Diddy and Heather walking around with, what are they called, bandoleros or something? Like, bullets hanging from, like, their shoulders. Like, they got, like, flash and crip signs, you know? Yeah, Heather's pretty white, hanging from their shoulders. They got flashing crypt signs. Yeah, Heather's pretty white, but that's even funnier when she's like, yeah, my favorite part was when she was like, you need to take

your sloppy ass home. Yeah. I love Heather. I love that she had no part. I also love Carol. I love that Carol's just this year, she's like, I'll just be a bitch. What do I care? You know, I've got maybe like three years left.

I'm just going to be a bitch. Like, what are they going to do? What are they going to put on my gravestone? I had it typed out years ago anyway. She's like, Aviva, you said that I had a ghostwriter and it's not right. Well, she's at that curious age that's like right before the fruit turns because she doesn't realize that she said

the same thing 20 times already. You know, it's like, Hey, you shouldn't hurt somebody's career. Women write books. Ghost writers books. Shut up with this. It's the same thing over and over again.

Stop. I love also the different ways that different women try to defuse the situation. Like Aviva in the middle of it was like, well, let's raise a toast to women putting pen to paper. And Tony's like, oh, well, yeah. Pen to paper. That's what women should be doing.

Toast to Robin. Toast to Robin. Then meanwhile, and then I love that when it starts getting really fight, like, I'm sorry, when the fight gets really bad, Luanne just pipes in and she's like, who wants a tart? Anyone want a tart? Anyone want some dessert? Tart? Pie, anyone? Pie? Tart? Tart? Pie?

Yeah, when someone else is fighting, they're also above it. They're like, I cannot believe these two ladies are arguing. Like, really, Luann? Do you not remember the lunch that you called just to turn everybody against Ramona and then you left? She's like, okay, gotta go. Bye. Talk amongst yourselves. Bye.

Like, if they're not the one being awful, it's just so immature. But this one was actually good. Heather told this bitch to go suck it. And I love that Carol, when Amanda went over to Carol, she's like, listen, can I talk to you? And Carol's like, I don't know you. I don't know who you are.

She's like, who are you, Mindy? Marissa? I love that no one knows. I could just say, I don't know you. No. You can only speak if you know Carol. Yeah. But I also, I like that no one knows Amanda's name.

Like, the next day they were saying, what's the name of that girl? Stacy? We'll just call her Stacy. Well, and Aviva's already disowning her all over the place on Twitter. She's like, well, you know, Bravo just called her my, my, what are they calling her? Image consultant. And she's like, oh, you know, it's just what Bravo says. Whatever.

Just some random crazy person. No. Everybody fucking that one Dubin guy. Why? I don't know. And I don't even want to know what the blowjobs are like from Sonya with that missing tooth.

My God. Well, if you've got a small one, maybe it's, you know, structural. I'm just imagining a lot of pubes getting caught in there. Oh, it's like a cheese grater. I can just imagine her being like, listen, I can't blow you just yet. I'm waiting for the polydent to set, and I don't want to get stuck on your dick. Oh, my God. Could you imagine?

Polyden. Polyden Wiener. Yeah. Well, good for him for keeping that stuff going. Yeah. He seriously has got it going, for sure. Yeah, he's keeping it rolling. What else happened in this episode?

Well, they went on this mermaid parade, which I had never even heard of. I didn't know that was a thing. Honey, no one goes to Coney Island. I went there one time when I lived in New York on accident because I fell asleep on the train. And Coney Island is like the last stop, I think, on the N, right? Like one of those trains. And I think it was the N train because I still live off that train. And I fell asleep all the way on the other.

Like that's how long I slept. I lived on one of the last stops on the N on the other like that's how long i slept i lived on one of the last stops on the end and of the other way so that's how i fell asleep and i woke up and i was like what the hell oh well i've never seen coney island so i walked it it was so sad do you remember that movie about the people on drugs and ellen bernstein was like like a older lady on drugs. Yeah, Rec Room for a Dream. Yes, that was Coney Island. So there you go.

Yeah, Coney Island is, it's, I haven't been there probably since 1994, actually. Not cute. Carol's like, I'm so proud to be the queen of Coney Island.

It's like, oh no. Mermaids. No, no. But you know, I have to say, I'm really loving the new girl, Kristen. I think she's really funny. I think she is, too, and I cannot wait for her bitch flag to fly, because you know it's coming. I know, but she's doing a great job right now of actually being, like, the Greek chorus.

I know that's Carol's job, but Kristen's doing it. Well, it's always the new person's job, because they not involved yet yeah because like during that crazy fight she was the only one being like i've been to i've been to many many places barbecues in the hamptons never won like this like when she said oh my husband wants me to find a new group of friends no i'm sure your husband is glad to at least make a car payment. Yeah. He's glad to get that money, and you keep your weirdo new haggie friends. By the way, while I was watching this episode, during that opening fight, my mom was sitting nearby,

and she just turns to me, because this is like the tradition. I tell my parents, hey, I have to watch a show for the podcast. I'm going to watch it. I'm just warning you. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. You can watch whatever you want.

And within two minutes of it going on, my mom turns to me and goes, what is the fascination with this show? I was like, what do you find fascinating about it? And I said, everything. And my mom's like, ugh. My mom yells at the TV because she plays Canasta at the table with my dad while I watch it.

So she's like, who is that idiot? Oh, these women are disgusting. These people are gross. I mean, the best was when I was watching the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion, like, I think two seasons ago Housewives of Orange County reunion,

like, I think two seasons ago. It was two seasons ago, and Tamara was just going crazy. They were all horrible. It was when Tamara was fighting with Vicky. So you've got two crazy people screaming the whole time. My mom's like, who are they? Oh, who are their boobs? Oh, she's so ugly.

Oh, she's so ugly. It was awesome. boobs. Oh, she's so ugly. You're making your mom sound like that one Fred Armisen character on SNL. I think his name is Riley, actually. Riley. He played this little eight-year-old gay boy who was like,

hey, look at that bitch over there. That was his whole thing. Sigourney Weaver who was like the mom. Andy Samberg was like a kid who brought home Fred Armisen. He's like,

hey mom, here's my new friend. And he's like, look at that bitch. If my mom was an SNL character, she would be that Kristen Wiig one that I think it's Aunt Something where she's like complaining

about stuff all the time. Oh brother. I give this movie two oh brothers and one grr. The Matrix is reloaded. What? Why are they wearing pajamas? That is one of my favorite, favorite characters in Kristen Wiig. And I don't know why they don't do it more often.

I give this movie a huh and a oh brother uh okay what else happened on stupid housewives of new york i have to say real housewives of new york is just cracking me up oh my god i'm laughing out loud at it so yay love that it is so funny i don't know so so sonia had a had a brunch what i thought was funny was that aviva said at one point um you know with with ramona off in africa which is that's lol worthy just saying that much but she's like with ramona off in africa you know sonia's the only one i know who has my back i'm like i can't believe that that we're like in a situation where like sonia and ramona suddenly have aviva's back like how did that happen especially ramona i mean sonya's dumb enough that i that i believe it you know

but ramona that's crazy ramona barely even does have her back she's like aviva aviva's crazy i mean maybe you know maybe i'll talk to her maybe i won't but i don't believe it i think she's gonna eat my head off she's a crazy person i don't like you it's not that I don't believe it. I think she's going to eat my head off. She's a crazy person. I don't like you. It's not that I don't want to talk to you. It's just I never want to see you again. I hope you die. I hope that's not a thing. You know what she is? You know what she is? She's day class A. Sorry. She is. She's day class A.

And you know what? You know what? I don't like day class A people. Sorry. Sorry. We were trying to think last week of what Ramona is like in Africa and why the hell we are not seeing that vacation. I know.

Well, where are they going this year? Do we know? They're going to like a dude ranch, aren't they? They already went to Africa. Do you serve your wine here in Africa? Because I notice a lot of mosquito net and sometimes if you're in a bed with a mosquito net, you can get really lonely in there because I noticed a lot of mosquito net. And sometimes if you're in a bed with a mosquito net, you can get really lonely in there because you feel separated from the world. And a lot of

times people like to drink Ramon and Pinot Grigio when they're feeling separated from the world. That's when I drink it. And that's when it makes me feel the most secure and the most confident. I think Africa, you know what goes really good with sacks of wheat that drop from planes that the American government drops? Wine. I think that all these children would be less hungry if they had a little wine. At least hunger would be more fun. Ask anybody on my cast.

I'm just imagining her on a savannah watching a stampede of wildebeest. She'd be like, Calm down! Calm down! Take a Xanax! Those giraffes, they're so tall. I mean, why do they have to be so tall?

I wanted to ask it, hey, giraffe, why are you so tall? But then it wouldn't even look at me. And I was like, why isn't that giraffe looking at me? I don't need that in my life. I'm a businesswoman. I don't need to take that. That giraffe does nothing. It just stands there all day. It doesn't even work. Hey, lion, hey, lion. Sometimes you talk too much and you need to

listen more. I'm just saying, as a friend, sometimes you talk too much, lion. Simba thought he was the lion king, but you know what the first song is? The Circle of Life. Guess where Simba is now? He's dead and someone else is the king. All I'm saying, lion, is get off your high horse.

Well, hey, antelope. He's dead, and someone else is the king. All I'm saying, lion, is get off your high horse. Well, hey, antelope. Antelope, this is the way you operate. You know, you only like to be friends with people who are broken. I'm sorry, antelope. That's just the way it is. Monkeys, why are you throwing poop at each other? That's probably how AIDS

got started. You know, AIDS can go through fecal matter. Stop throwing your poop at each other, you stupid monkeys. Calm down! Hey, zebra. Hey, zebra. Zebra, you're growing up so fast. I can't believe it. I can't believe it, zebra. And you look so beautiful.

You are the most beautiful zebras I've ever seen. And I'm sorry, you're just such beautiful, young, beautiful zebras. I know. and i'm sorry you just you're such beautiful young beautiful zebras and i just i know it's okay it's it's good to cry i will not try and top you know zebra i'm trying to think of like other animals and other ramona quotes at the same time it's like two things i gotta think about i'm like what are the things that we find what else is in the savannah hey cheetah i used to get you confused with rita and i felt so bad because i thought it was racist because one of you is mexican and one of you is puerto rico or both of you puerto rican i don't know

is it makes me racist or does it mean that you guys need to have more pride in your ethnicity so that i would know the difference one of of you is on Sesame Street, right? I don't know. I have no idea. You're really hairy now, though. That happens to older women. Hey, elephants. Hey, elephants.

Hey, elephants. I just want you to know. I just want you to know you should always have your own watering hole because you never want to rely on a man for his watering hole. So you've got to have your own watering hole because you never want to be rely you never want to rely on a man for his watering hole so you got to have your own watering hole okay hey elephant i love your tusk um because they're ivory oh my god that reminds me of apiary it's good to cry you are the most beautiful elephant you and the zebras are the most beautiful animals here on the savannah right now and you're growing up so fast. I love it. Do you know how to do a plank?

That could help you. Hey, what a Buffalo. Hey, what a Buffalo. I want you to know that I've worked in fashion for 30 years. And I have a lot of opinions that should be listened to. And I know business. And I know, and I'll tell you this right now, what about Flo?

I don't like your branding. You know what else is called water? Water. That's probably copyrighted by somebody. You might want to change that before you come to America. Because in America, we don't mess around with copyright infringement. I'm a businesswoman. I wish I could remember more African animals.

We are the giraffe and lion and cheetah and antelope. Man, this show makes me cough like I'm still smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. Okay. Hey, hippopotamus? No. Speaking of hippopotamus no speaking of hippopotamus let's talk about married to medicine and heavenly oh yeah dr heavenly but probably it's probably not even time for married to medicine talk but i just wanted to say hippopotamus and heavenly in the same situation because i loved the fat acceptance rant. I think that it is a great transition.

The fat acceptance rant. Are you talking about how she went after Dr. Jackie? Yes. Okay. So first of all, welcome back to married to medicine, everybody.

Yay. Married to medicine is back. Yay. Oh my God. That show is so terrible. I love how they open like, like, you know how sex in the city used to open every season with the montage of what everybody's doing it's like carrie's putting on her lipstick and miranda's you know trying to catch a cab and a fabulous jacket and you know

samantha's fucking a 20 year old you know it's like a little five seconds. And this one's just so stupid. It's like, they don't even do anything. Yeah. Quad's, like, doing her nails. Mariah's, like, walking around her empty backyard, like, looking around. Nice montage, guys. Thanks. So what struck me about this premiere episode was that the two doctors, the original doctors, not including Dr. Heavenly, they stayed out of the fray last season because they're smart and they're professional. This season, they're like, oh, shit, let's just get right into it right away.

I think this year, yeah, they're getting into it, but they're doing it in a way still that's not the same. I mean, they're doing it in a way that's like, they're very, first of all, they're very arrogant, which I think is hysterical. Because they're like, we're doctors and you're not, so we're automatically above you. And so in their minds, especially Dr. Jackie, that's all she needs to win any argument, is to

say, I'm a doctor and you're not. And she basically does. That's how she wins every argument. She is actually such a massive killjoy that it's hilarious to watch, i would hate to be in any party with her because that poor woman that like miss plus size whatever comes over like hey i'm like i just won the miss plus size pageant and i'm just celebrating a good and happy and healthy life and jack is like healthy healthy did you say healthy i'm sorry did you say healthy and I'm sorry, did you say healthy? And not only that, she stands up like she was sitting good and just ignoring the woman until she heard her say the healthy part.

She's like, oh, excuse me, did you say healthy? Yeah, she's like, I won't even talk to a fat person unless they say something ridiculous like that their lifestyle is healthy. And that Miss Plus Atlanta or whatever was like, that is what I'm saying I'm healthy you know I may be a bigger woman but that doesn't mean that I'm not mindful and uh you know I teach every woman to be mindful and still be happy and she's basically like if you're so mindful then why are you a plus yeah oh no Dr. Jackie's like and you call yourself a woman just like you're a beast I saw you on That Savannah with Ramona Singer. Pretty much.

She was taking her down. And, you know, it was just kind of a stick it to that fat acceptance movement. It's like, oh, you know, first of all, I feel totally that there should be fat acceptance. If you're fat, who cares? Like, everybody's fat. Like, most people are fat. I mean, not where we live necessarily but everywhere else who cares be fat if you want to die of heart disease or a stroke if you want

to lord knows i will and i'm not going to pretend it's healthy i mean it's not but and but let me add also just to interrupt real quickly this woman was not morbidly obese you know she was she was heavy but she was not like someone that looked like she was a mess. She's like Hollywood plus size, where it's like she's a 12. Like, ooh. Yeah. You know, she was not really that fat. But I loved that. And also, she was very pretty, and she did look like she was fairly healthy.

She wasn't on like a mobility scooter, you know? Yeah. And, honestly, Dr. Heavenly actually had a point, which was that this was like this woman's moment. She was very happy, and Dr. Jackie did really rain on her parade. I mean, and the way they edited it made this woman look like she had to, you know, slink back to a Twinkie. I mean, if there's anything that's going to drive someone to eat, it's to berate them on TV. Well, yeah. But the best part of that was Dr. Heavenly going, I used to be plus size.

I was like, bitch, like what, two seconds ago? You still are. Do you not know tenses yet? Yeah. Jeez. And she showed a picture of herself and she had one more chin. I'm like, bitch, please. That's like the girl who, or the girl, me.

Okay, me, I'm talking about. I'm thinly veiled. It's a thinly veiled reference to myself who's five pounds it's like wearing a speedo on the beach no no no there's 80 more yeah i know i used to be plus size but now i'm size plus so that that whole argument to me was the funniest effing thing ever because she was really being a bitch. Like, that's just not nice. Even if you're a doctor, you know, one of my favorite things to read on Reddit, this is so – have I told you this before?

Because this is really rank. I'm not sure. Reddit has a couple of fat – Oh, yeah, yeah. And I think that they're all secretly fat people because that's why I read it. It's like inspiration, you know? Yeah. But one is called Fat People Stories and one is called Fat Logic.

And the Fat Logic one is based on this Tumblr blog that is called Health at Every Side. It's not called that. It's called Thin Privilege or This is Thin Privilege or something like that. And it's these really big girls who are talking about how skinny girls have it so easy and they don't understand how privileged they are and they'll leave a tumblr post like thin privilege is being able to sit down on the bus without people giving you dirty looks because you're taking up two seats they're like thin privilege is being able to go into a wiener schnitzel without the counter person automatically assuming you're going to order 20 hot dogs you know stuff like

that like they're really like just adamant that everyone's against them all the time and so i personally just love the storyline i thought it was hilarious but even those there's always posts that are like i went to my doc thin privileges going to the doctor for a hurt knee and not having them lecture you about your weight. It's not my weight. It's my knee. It's like, uh, yeah,

because you're a weight. Dumb, dumb. I love it. So I'm going to love this Dr. Heavenly. She's going to be so much fun to hate. Oh,

she will be. I mean, she, she was really pretty obnoxious. The woman, because she had a party and she, uh, she was pretty rude to,

uh, Dr. Jackie and also, well, so here's the thing. I watched this last night at 2 in the morning, and I started to, like, doze off right at the good part, which was towards the end. But there was a big fight because then the other doctor got drawn into it. I'm blanking on her name. Simone.

She has a hard time keeping as calm as Dr. Jackie. Yeah. Dr. Jackie can stay calm through anything. But this other one will just go off. Like, she gets really—at the funeral, I almost said. At the reunion show, she was going off. Like, they really got under her skin. And they came gunning for her.

They did come for her this time. For no reason. Like, really, Toya? You think she's trying to sleep with her husband because she danced with him at the bowling alley? I know, that was ridiculous. I have came to this bowling alley many times when I was getting back to my

volunteering, and I was like, you're dancing too close to my husband. I haven't came here to have you dance close to him. I think, what's the main one's name mariah yeah i think mariah has been hanging out with toy a little too much because she's her talking too i was like oh no what sentence is that she's like these is the people i love today i'm like, what? Mariah, you know what? I have to say, Mariah is so hood.

She is so, like, fresh out of Detroit. You know, I think she is from Detroit, right? And I think that, like, she, like, when it was like her whole family was sitting there at the table. And you see her mom and her new weave and everything. But, like, you just need some distance. Oh, her mom is horrible. I was like, and then she tells her nephew, well,

if you have a bully, you know what you gotta do? You gotta hit it and quit it. I was like, oh my god. Yeah, fuck your bully. Then they'll stop. They'll stop messing you when you fuck them and then never call them again. What? Oh, and then she's like, she's telling her son, you being bullied? You hit that girl.

She's like, is that girl still beating on you? You hit her back. I'm like, wow. And then she said they hit it or quit it or whatever. It's like, look, you taught your little boy to beat women, fuck them and never call them, all in the same dinner. Like, at least spread these lessons out. I know.

all of them all in the same dinner like at least spread these lessons out i know i i um one thing that's interesting to me is that there's now a uh feud in between quad and mariah that apparently um they don't they're not like besties anymore and it's not totally clear why there was like apparently that i guess maybe quad thinks that mariah is jealous or mariah is being crazy well the specifics on this fight really first of all that designer that okay quad starts off going to some little designer who is from project runway right is that is that where he was from yes and, and his place is called House of Chapel. Right. But isn't there a House of Chappelle? I was like, please, boy, please, sit down.

And he was a bitch on Project Runway, too, of course. But he's like this little flaming twig with a big giant bobblehead, you know, rolling back and forth, starting trouble with these women. He was friends, supposedly, with Mariah, he was friends supposedly with mariah but then became friends with quad and then started telling but he and quad were friends from tennessee state oh that's right yes and then i guess he started being friends with mariah who maybe was talking

shit or yeah somehow whatever happened went down he was the go-between yeah which i was like typical you know yeah like you're horrible on one reality show and just because that reality show ends doesn't mean those people just disappear, unfortunately. They're still horrible and they have such a reach that they become horrible on other reality shows they're not even on.

Well, I'm team quad 100% because I love quad. Mariah's a hideous human being. You have to be team quad. Mariah is truly a hateful human she's she's terrible you know to bring back one of our most popular old words vile she is a vile disgusting pig of a human being she is bad meanwhile i could not stop laughing there was a scene an extended scene where um quad and her husband, he really wanted to have a baby, and he's like, Oh, why don't you come over here?

Why don't you come over here? Let's get a baby. Let's get a baby going. That's the voice. She's like, Absolutely not! Absolutely not! Oh, come on, let's have a baby! Hey, baby, you make them sausage and those eggs. I love when you cook.

Why don't you cook for our babies? She's like, oh, no! I don't like when this is on at the same time as Real Housewives of Atlanta because it slips into my mama Joyce a little too much. Oh, no. Sani D is going to get so mad at you. So mad. So let's see what else happened.

At first, I didn't know what you were saying. I was's see what else happened. That's funny. At first I didn't know what you were saying. I was like, what? Who? Sandy Diaz is the one who always says that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotcha. I gotcha. This took me a minute.

Oh, no! Absolutely not. Absolutely not. When we're under the covers, you should hear the smell. You should smell what's coming out of those covers. No, honey! You should smell what's coming out of those covers. No, honey.

Question. Did Dr. Simone get divorced from her husband? I don't know, but it looks like that's what's coming. Because, of course, you take care of a man. And the second you have financial problems, his ass is out. Why should young bimbos be the only ones to leave once the money's gone? That's true. Yeah, it's true.

That's true. I feel like Dr.one quite a bit and i i do too i love her and i love that she's telling you know uh dr jackie's like uh you know i'm thinking of having a baby okay listen claire huxtable you're literally as old as claire huxtable is now yes you are not having a baby those eggs smell i smell them from here there are better there are better uses for donor eggs yeah like i may throw them on the floor do not have a baby adopt a baby adopt a teenager adopt a 20 year old adopt a pet someone in their 30s like me who could use a doctor mother you can be my mommy number two and who will fat shame us both yes i need some good fat shaming i can't rely on reddit forever lady yeah i need fat shaming without an internet connection um so let's see so i think

that's mainly the that's the big stuff that happened on the episode. Well, this Heavenly bitch is going to just be horrible. She's brought on by Mariah because Mariah had no friends left, and she's like a producer on the show. She started the show. So she brought on, she brought out the big guns. Now the fun part is going to be when Heavenly eventually turns on Mariah because that has to happen. No one can just be friends with Mariah because she's awful.

Yeah. I mean, Mariah is terrible. And I don't understand how her husband, this successful doctor, puts up with it. Like, I don't understand at all. Well, some men just like to be beat. That's true. What can I say? That's true.

But you know this is going to be a really good season because they had an entire party at a bowling alley that wasn't even part of the main storyline i mean normally they would open at the bowling alley party and that would be the big party and there's so much good shit coming this season that that only made it like two little scenes and flashback i know i was actually shocked that we did not see this bowling party because like i mean clearly everything happened there and who who said some one of the women said something about like i'm all dressed up in the bowling alley i don't know i think it's dr heavenly it was like you don't say that the bowling alley i don't know i don't know i was half asleep but like not because i was bored but because i was watching

it like two in the morning i did think it was it was funny that Toya tried to have a big premiere party, and they just edited it out. Stupid Toya. I had a big charity party. I had the people. Yeah, I love how she's now like trying to make herself look better by being like, I'm trying to get back into volunteering. I'm going to try to get into volunteering. What was that word

that she mispronounced last season? She mispronounced it so badly. Everyone. There was one, though, that she really messed up. Oh, I wish I could remember what it was. She is one of the dumbest people on TV. And that's saying something. We watch Bravo.

I can't believe I have came to this podcast. I can't remember the word she said wrong. I have came to? Yeah, that's my favorite personally. Okay, so let us move on to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Oh, yeah.

NeNeNeNeNeNe. I've given up millions of dollars because I just want to be in the project that's right for me. Bitch, please! You've given up millions of dollars please give me a break how's dancing with the stars going you're 500 a week you dumb hoe is she still on it i don't know i'm watching that show i'm not watching a moose why do you think we've been having so many earthquakes over here. We've had like 60 earthquakes ever since that show started.

Trying to figure it out. Meaning. My God, it's so true. It's so true. Let's see. So what happened on this episode? I'm trying to remember. After all the Bravo we watch, not watching Dancing with the Stars is like the only thing keeping me feeling classy.

It's so true. Okay, so Nini is an idiot. She met with her manager, who she calls Midget, which is so rude. So all she talks about is how short he is. And he's adorable. A, he's beautiful. Really cute. Yeah, he's cute.

Love me some short guys. Although he's not as cute as Candy's therapist. Oh, my God. That guy is cute, too. But I like little white guys, and you me some short guys. Although he's not as cute as Candy's therapist. Oh, my God. That guy is cute, too. But I like little white guys and you like big black guys. So, you see, we'll never compete. It's perfect.

But, yes, she's calling him a little midget. And she said she's had him for, like, three years. Well, when did her career really start since she got midget? So how about you dial it back and have some respect and at least read the scripts that he sent you. I love that. He sends her a script, a John Lovitz pilot. And she's like,

I don't read that. Yeah. And he said, why you didn't like the idea. And she's like, I just don't think that's where my career should be headed. I know. For getting Glenn close over here,

all of a sudden it's like, like passing on scripts like she's royalty. Not that Glenn Close is royalty, but she's at least a good actress. Comparatively, Glenn Close is a badass, please.

I love Glenn Close. I love Glenn Close. NeNe is no Glenn Close. Yeah, meaning, yeah. That's the least we can say. NeNe is no Glenn Close. Yeah, that's the least we can say. NeNe is no Glenn Close. And you know what? Actually, oh, was this the episode where she made up with Peter and Cynthia? Or was that last week? That was last week.

Okay, never mind then. You can talk about it. You weren't here to talk about it. No, no, I just really hate how NeNe has this whole thing of like, I can't be held responsible for what NeNe says. I'm like, yes, you can, bitch, because you're the same person. It comes out of your mouth, you've got the same brain, so shut the fuck up with that.

It's not like you can resist. Okay, so the Nene stuff was pretty minor. She's still unbearable. Like, I mean, that's just pretty much what we're going to get with Nene. Candy had a lot of stuff this week. Oh, Candy. Because Portia has been missing her rehearsals.

Portia's like, see? I didn't get the schedule. See? No. You got to get your people right. See? Even Riley knows when to show up for rehearsal. See?

No. Riley's responsible. But I didn't get the email. See? No. You can't go blaming Gmail for it, because even Riley knows how to use Gmail. Even my mama knows how to use Gmail.

But how are you opening? She... My candy impersonation, which normally doesn't sound anything like candy, is particularly off tonight, I'm realizing. It's really, just really bad right now maybe it's because i'm in like westchester new york and i'm just like i can't like it's just it's like it's just so white up here my personal favorite thing this week was seeing the musical i thought that

was hysterical that is exactly her life and she is totally talking about her mom being horrible the whole time. Yeah. Mama. Mama. Mama. And she's like, Mama, well, you don't have a problem with me paying for your house. I was like, oh, no. Mama Joyce is not going to be sitting still for this one.

Yeah, she's going to be taking her shoe and running up on stage. The only way that she's not going up on stage is if they put ridiculous right in front of the stage to keep her away. Oh, my God. I was selling a deal at work today and I started crying. Mama called me back. I want to see that musical, I have to say. I really do. I do, too.

It sounds kind of good. There was one part where the guy was singing something, but the music was totally different. And I don't know what's going on with that musical. But I just want to go see if we can hear Mama Joyce from the back screaming, Don't die, you candy! I've never gone to any one of those shows. What was it called? Is it called the Chitlin' Circuit?

Isn't that what, like, isn't it called, do you know what I'm talking about? I do not know. I'm looking that up because that sounds like a horrible, racist thing to say. Okay, the reason, no, didn't Nene say that? Chitlin Circuit, it's the first thing that came up when I put Chitlin in there. It's even before Chitlin Recipe and Chitlin Loaf.

No, because Sheree, remember when Sheree was an actress? The whole thing was that she was doing these shows on the Chitlin Circuit, and Nene was like, I am a real actress. I'm not doing the Chitlin Circuit. It says, the Chitlin Circuit and and nini was like i am a real actress i'm not doing the chitlin circuit i'm not yeah it says the chitlin circuit is the collective name given to the string of performance venues throughout the eastern southern and upper midwest areas of the united states that were safe and acceptable for african-american musicians comedians and other entertainers to perform in

during the age of racial segregation and this is and but it's also like uh like all like before tyler perry became like tyler perry, he was doing these musicals and these plays. Oh, yes. I know. I remember those commercials living in New York. They'd be like, the set would be one big piece of cardboard with a house painted on it. And it would be a cast of 50 people. And they would be singing to high heaven about how grandma you know grandma was

mean i think that became big mama let me tell you something as someone who went and saw medea's chris family christmas in the theaters i can tell you that's exactly how the movies are too it's like cardboard it's like okay let's let's like paint the inside of a farmhouse on this like wall here and let's put kathy and jimmy and larry the cable guy over there let's put medea over here and let's have that lady from amen walk through and why don't you have blair from facts of life and if by the way if any of you guys think i am exaggerating i am not because those are all cast members of medea's family christmas i saw the movie i'm not kidding you lisa welchell is saw the movie. I'm not kidding you. Lisa Welchel is in the movie. That's hilarious.

Well, I was expecting this to be that, and it sounds kind of good. I like it. I mean, I like it. I thought it sounded good. I did too. I'm just like, oh my god, Candy. Could you maybe go a little further from home?

You hit my friend with your shoe, mama. You hit my friend with your shoe. But you know what, though? I thought the little clips of the music that we heard, I thought sounded actually pretty good. And if you think about the fact that they kind of just cobbled this whole thing together, she was just like, I'm going to do a musical. And then there were no songs, there was no play do a musical. And then there was no songs, there was no play, there was no dialogue,

there was no anything. And she's like, yeah, it's going to happen in four weeks. And now all of a sudden, all these songs, they sound legit. I'm impressed. Ain't nobody's business about a relationship, baby. Ain't nobody's business about a relationship, baby.

Don't you just want to see Eddie Lavert just sweating his way across the stage? Yeah, I have not understood one thing Eddie Lavert has said so far. He's like, See? Now, Eddie Lavert, he's like a legend. See? I want Pearl from 227 to be in this musical. Now, Eddie Lavera, he's like a legend. See? Right? I want Pearl from 227 to be in this musical.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Candy, why you so mean to your mama? Candy is going to get her ass kicked when Mama Joy sees this musical. Okay. The other favorite thing about this episode feel me was that it was obviously shot after the show had started airing because for some reason real housewife atlanta is going for like 80 episodes yeah this is the longest housewife season to date ever yeah there's never been one i mean i think they just hit 21 episodes which is they premiered the same week

as beverly hills yeah and you know they're gonna have like a five-part reunion or some shit well yeah especially with that fight and uh oh yeah oh yeah people going to the hospital and stuff so i don't even and they haven't even said when the finale is no just finale's this week oh thank you jesus i was like seriously my poor the poor recapper from trash TV is going to hang herself because she's doing Married to Medicine 2. She's like, please make it stop. There was another thing that happened this episode that was significant, and it was sad. It was that.

Oh, wait. Oh, the dog thing. Yeah, poor little Velvet was murdered. I know. By the neighbor's dog. I felt bad. I have to say, you know, the week before, there was that scene with Velvet when, you know, what's her face? Kenya had that doll, and Velvet was running around, and there was one shot where the woman looked at Velvet from across the couch.

And it was so funny and cute, and I never thought Velvet was cute before, that I took a screen grab a screen grab and i was like you know what i think i'm on board with velvet now i think i want to start like talking about how much i like velvet now i think like i'm gonna like welcome velvet into my life and this episode happened it's like velvet's dead oh my god that was so horrible i actually felt really bad for kenya that was like was like, you know, that was real. That was a legit thing. Yeah, when Zena, my little Zener died, I had to have her put down and I was holding her and feel that dog's life go.

Oh my god, that was so depressing. I could not watch it. I did watch it and cried like an idiot. And you know what's really sad? I still kept eating while I was sobbing. It was really weird. Like, food was coming out of my mouth but I kept eating. Dr. Jack sobbing. It was really weird. Like food was coming out of my mouth, but I kept eating. Dr. Jack is sitting there with her arms crossed.

Yeah. But that was sad. Did you read all that media takeout crap that's been happening? About Velvet? Yeah. So media takeout was just kind of horrible. They just make shit up anyway. And they write in caps a lot,

which just makes them even crazier and stupider. But they came out with some articles saying that Brandon, the gay, Kenya's gay, had posted a picture on Twitter with his dog and Velvet, like a few weeks ago or a couple weeks ago or something. And they were basically saying that she gave her dog to Brandon so that she would have a storyline. And then she said the dog died. But it's really... Kenya's not a good enough actress to do that.

Yeah. And she wouldn't think of something so simple. I mean, if Kenya wanted a dead dog storyline, she'd be like, Listen, get my publicist to hire a dog from Africa to pretend it's my dog, and then I'll fight with it for the whole season, and then we'll send it back to the Africa, and I'll tell everybody it died. We'll have a going-away party for it, and all the proceeds will go to Nini's charity, even though they're not normally fundraisers when you do a

party um yeah i don't i don't think that she would have made up the velvet thing what she would have done is she would have had a story where she was pregnant and then had a miscarriage that's because velvet died oh my god you know what you've missed your calling sir you need to be a housewives press secretary yeah i feel bad for Velvet. That's like, what a way to go. I felt like that was very real. And you know what's funny is that when Chica, when Brandy's dog Chica was quote unquote, you know,

like a robber let Chica out into the woods, aka Brandy's assistant, I found like, I felt sort of bad, but I kind of was laughing a little bit. I kind of just was like, because Brandy was just sobbing and then Joyce and all that. But with Kenya, I actually felt bad. I really felt bad because I feel truly like Kenya has no one in her life except for that little dog.

You sound like all the other women. They're like, this was really sad because Kenya doesn't have anything. Well, because Kenya is like fucked up. She's more fucked up than brandy is you know uh she has a mom who doesn't acknowledge her existence doesn't acknowledge that she's alive on this planet in the mom's defense she has met kenya just kidding the mom does have good tastes. I have a story. I have a story from Chicago about Kenya. Okay. Did you see Velvet on the street? I saw Velvet in Chicago.

She was being served in a bun at Portolo's. No. What happened was I caught up with my friend who used to work at a talent agency in hollywood and uh kenya was one of their clients and she said uh that they had kenya for a few years and they had the hardest time booking gigs for her like they could not get her and anytime that she had an audition she would be like oh well i'm out of town so i can't really do it and so eventually the agency had to drop her. But she said though that Kenya was really nice.

Well, yeah. You guys, Kenya doesn't need an agent. She has her own film company. She is a film producer and an actress. She knows Halle Berry. She should do a co-production with Joyce so it could be like the star of Siberia and the producer of Voodoo Island

come together at last. Voodoo Island? Wasn't that the name of siberia and the producer of like voodoo island come together at last wasn't that the name of her movie i forget it's on yes that i could swear that walter was in but nobody will back me up because he wasn't he was it was walter all right let's see did phaedra do anything this episode no right no phaedra just had that scene where she was making pottery with apollo oh yeah and he's like yeah baby this is gonna be like our relationship this is gonna be this is gonna be a symbol of our relationship and then it falls apart into a big glob and i was like oh well i thought it was gonna be like one of those like ball and chains for the jail cell um and it was a big pounded butthole well the other thing that happened was that there was

uh therapy so um this hot hunky therapist comes to to candy's house and does family therapy first with candy then with mama joyce and um i guess they're gonna try to i guess there's going to be an attempt to fix everything with Todd. I don't know. Oh, it's so lame. It doesn't even. Mama Joyce, okay. This whole thing is obviously filmed after the season started airing. Because Mama Joyce is trying to play nice because the whole country turned against her.

Yeah. Because you know how the internet goes. Yeah. And poor thing is like well i guess i should go somewhere and not hit someone with a shoe at least one episode and she is barely containing her rage in this like you can just see she is still so pissed and so miserable she doesn't have one smile or one nice thing to say to anybody and i love her version of making up with todd is it's not that i stopped liking you, Todd.

It's that I stopped respecting you. And he's like, uh, thanks. Much better. All better now. Good, let's hug. I know, I know. I loved also that, like,

the big, like, when the therapist was asking her, like, so what are the real problems? She's like, well, she's not, she's not paying attention to what she's eating anymore. I'm like, oh, you're right. Never mind. Drop Todd.

Dr. Jack would be like, hell yeah. Oh my god, yeah. She's still pretty horrible. But you know what? God bless her little heart. And I love that she dropped in there, but my son died like ten times. Okay, you know that she dropped in there. But my son died like 10 times. Okay, you know that she's seen these episodes because she's dropping that all over the place to get the sympathy vote. Like, that is probably the saddest thing that could ever happen to somebody.

But you're kind of using it to get off the hook a lot. Stop. Yeah. How about just stop being a dick? Yeah. Okay? Yeah. It's probably Mama Joyce's dog that killed Velvet.

What about... yes it's probably mama joyce's dog that killed velvet what about what about dog what about uh how stupid candy and cynthia reacted that was i'm sorry but that made me laugh because poor kenya like she's one of those people who's so crazy, she doesn't even have girlfriends. Even when she's filming, no one hangs out with her. She still has to steal friends to hang out with and gays to hang out with. And she called those two girls, and before she showed up, they're like, oh, Lord, why can't you call us?

Oh, no, it's something dramatic. I don't know. I liked their reaction. I thought it was weird that she summoned them to a restaurant. Like, why not just call them on the phone like a normal person? But, you know, I have to say, so one of my really good friends who also listens to this podcast, he's probably listening right now, he has a little dog, and he's very attached to this little dog. He loves this dog. The dog just went through surgery this week.

And I know that if something bad were to happen to that dog, he would be so devastated that if he were to break the news to me, I think I would probably react the same way as Candy or Cynthia. Because I know how much the dog means to him. So I give them a pass. Yeah, that's the worst thing ever. I can't even make fun of it because it happened to me recently and it was the worst thing ever. I don't think I've ever been anything, been through anything like that. And I've lost family members. And that's a really horrible thing to say, especially publicly.

Because, of course, like I was horrified then too. But I don't know. There's something about an animal, you know. And you know, like, oh, they're just an animal. But they love you and they're there with you for everything,'t know. There's something about an animal, you know. And you know, like, oh, they're just an animal. But they love you. And they're there with you for everything, you know. This is really getting depressing. Let's talk about this.

Jesus, what a way to end this. I was just about to share a story about my childhood cat, Elijah. Oh, God. Oh, God. And it's named Elijah, too. Isn't Elijah what the dude, don't they always leave their door open for Elijah? Well, that was the whole joke. Because whenever we had a Passover Seder,

we would open the door, and then the cat would walk in. Oh. Which was always so funny. What a good cat. Until it turned into the most depressing name ever. Like, now Elijah's passed. And you're like, Is the door open for Elijah?

Maybe he'll come back. Elijah, well, actually, you know what's funny? Elijah was actually a girl cat, but named incorrectly. But, um, Elijah... That's actually not bad. I had a roommate who renamed her. Her name was Shannon, but she renamed herself Elijah. Um, and that was really weird.

My other roommate's Jewish mom was like, you know that that's the one we leave the door open for, right? What a weird name. Who would name themselves that? This is a yent. What do you call it? A shiksa?

A shiksa. Yeah, this is a shiksa. What an idiot. Sounds like you're bringing back your Adrian Maloof impersonation. I think it actually came from Mrs. Kramer, Poppy's mom. It all makes sense. Kathy Kramer. When Elijah died, I was a freshman in college.

And I had Elijah from first grade through high school, basically all my formative years. And I remember it was freshman year of college. It was the spring. And my mom called to say they had to put down the cat. And I was like, okay. Oh, that's too bad. I hung up the phone. And I went into the bathroom. I found a stall and I cried.

Because I didn't want to cry in the dorm room because my roommate was there. Oh my god. Isn't that sad? What a fun podcast. I know. That was so fun. Bye. And Bueller's sitting on my lap. Now I feel bad talking about Xena,

but sometimes I wish xena's ghost would come back and play with bueller when i'm gone but then i remember that she just bit other dogs anyway that's so that's such a sad sweet thought ronnie i really you know because i kind of maybe sometimes believe in weird things and i I was like, really hope I even told her the night before she had to be put down. I was like, please come back to me. Please be a ghost. And I was even considering,

I mean, this was before she was truly sick, but like just for fun, like before she got sick, I was like, if Zina ever gets sick, I'm going to stuff her, you know,

like Norman, like put her on little wheels. And then I could just like play with her still, you know, like drag her around the house on a leash. um and that was always a joke but then when she passed away they were like are you gonna have a funeral and i for a minute i was like stuff her but i don't think they do that at the bed unfortunately lame bet like that'll be 180 dollars to put your dog down but we won't stuff it. Terrible service. I totally helped them, you guys.

Well, you know what? Xena was a very proud dog who would need to be carried onto the bed, I'm sure, at times. Yeah, Xena was a good girl. God bless her. Just like Milou. You're not Xena, but you're still cute, okay? I feel like we have everyone crying who's listening right now. Boredom.

They're like, why are we listening to this? Jesus. What are you going to talk about next? You want to talk about when my grandma died? That was so sad. She was so nice, and I saw it coming. You saw the truck? All right, well, I think let's end this now okay let's go cry and um and i can go to sleep it's like two in the morning here um so anyway everyone please

like us on facebook if you have not liked us on facebook go to facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends you can join in on the conversation. We didn't mention anyone by name this week, which is weird, but normally we mentioned people on the podcast. We'd love hearing what you have to say. Tons of links, tons of activity. It's a super fun Facebook page. Um, also don't forget about our go daddy, uh, deal, which is, I believe it's the the code is crappins295 and you get a dot com or a new transfer at godaddy.com on checkout for like 2.95 which is a really good deal it really is so please use that use that if you have a domain name that you want to use even if you don't want to build a site yet lock it down um follow ronnie go to trasht tv.com he puts in a lot of work and effort into

that site and y'all a lot of the writers are really good on that site so just come there and read the recaps especially the real housewives are so funny and southern charm is really funny and also for my social media thing come to tumblr because that's my new favorite thing i'm at trash talk trash talk tv recaps at no trash talk Recaps.tumblr.com. Come on, guys. Come on. And my blog is bsideblog.com, but I'm more active these days on Twitter and Instagram,

which is at bsideblog. And check out my Vine, too. I'm going to try to Vine more because last week on my other podcast, The Banter Blender, I had Darius Benson on as my guest, and he's like a really big Vine guy. He has like 800,000 followers and stuff like that. So he's really cool. And so if you're interested in Vine, by the way, if you're interested in Vine or knowing what it takes to be big on it

or everything like that, listen to the latest Banter episode because I talked with him for 40 minutes about it it's actually pretty cool stuff so now that we've pimped out everything um i'm at b-side blog thanks everyone for listening and we will we won't have ronnie for the next two or three weeks i will be there next week with someone i don't know who and i don't know when in the week because there's also past here's the schedule i'm in chile crazy why is it's like the weirdest time for it to be so crazy for us too it's not like a normal time of year to be crazy here's the situation uh it's passover next week on monday and tuesday so i'm going to satyrs and everything which is gonna mean that's gonna be hard for me to watch my Bravo.

Then I'm flying on Wednesday. We're going to have the podcast. You just may have to wait a little longer in the week. It might be on Thursday. I'll find a guest. Who knows what will happen. Whoever the guest is, be nice to them, people. Be nice.

It'll happen. You should call Leah. We haven't talked to her for a while. You should call Leah and tell her to watch all the shows this week and give'll happen. You should call Leah. We haven't talked to her for a while. You should call Leah and tell her to watch all the shows this week and give her opinion. She's really funny about it. She is actually extremely funny.

We saw her recently. That was nice. So, everyone, thank you so much for listening. Bye, everybody. We will talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it. Bye. Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years, one of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer

just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. On Monday, Josh Leibarger made his status, Case of the Mondays,

followed by a frowny face. It got one like and five comments, including dislike. Well, Josh, Geico also wants to make a comment to turn that emojijis frown upside down. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. With all that extra dough, why not give Monday a makeover? We see an office party in your future hosted by you. Hashtag happy face. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can

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