Watch What Crappens - #123: OC Is Back! Special Guest Matt Whitfield

Episode Date: April 18, 2014

Matt Whitfield (Yahoo!) returns to "Watch What Crappens" this week to discuss one of his favorite topics: the Real Housewives of Orange County season premiere. Matt and Ben Mandelker (http://twitter.com/bsideblog) hash out the whole episode before tackling the crazy ladies of New York City. Then it's on to the Atlanta finale and the latest craziness on Married to Medicine. Along the way, there's plenty of gossip about Porsha Stewart and other Bravo-lebrities. Check it out! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Watch what Crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Just a few we care to go that deep. Ronnie is off tonight. He is busy. So as a substitute, there's no finer man to fill those shoes than one of the original Three Musketeers himself, Mr. Matt Whitfield. Hi, Matt. Hey, Ben.

Thanks for having me. Well, you're welcome. Matt can be found at Life on the M-List on Twitter and other various social media. Wait, wait, wait. Do people actually still use Pinterest and Vine, or was that so 2013? Let me tell you something about Vine, okay? There is a Vine user named KingBatch. That's his Vine name.

He has probably about 4 million followers, okay? Lots of naked photos? Not naked ones? No, no. It's like he just does these crazy videos. He's like famous on Vine. I went to, as we were talking right before the podcast, I went to boot camp directly before this podcast. So I am like loosey-goosey and like barely standing or sitting.

He actually was in my boot camp class. And let me tell you something. The people that came up to him, mobs of people. Are you kidding? I am not even joking. So one thing that you have to do is you start at the Nike store at the Grove, and you run to the park.

So you run through the Grove and then out to Third Street, and you run along Third Street and go into the Pan Pacific Park. First of all, when we're just standing at Nike Town, the people on the trolley were screaming out to him. They're like, King Batch! King Batch! No joke. And then I think they got off the trolley and came over. It's like they swarmed him, took pictures, and then when we

were running, as we run, people were like, There goes King Batch! That's King Batch! People were screaming. We were on the street. There this car of these like big black ladies and they're like it was crazy was it toyah or mariah she's like i have came to the grove and now i see king batch um so when you say do people question do people use my answer how many people how many people on the trolleyey ask for your photo or autograph? They're like, hey, you, hey, you, get out of the way if you want King Badge. I've actually invited King Badge to come on to my other podcast, and I hope he does come on.

This is actually the second time I've run into him. And he actually remembered me from like six months ago. So fingers crossed he'll be on the banter blender. So we'll see. But in the meantime, the answer is yes. People do use Vine. And they also use Facebook, and they should follow this podcast on Facebook, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends.

It's super, super fun, lots of good stuff. So Matt. I tried to post something to the Facebook page today, and when I got there after I had posted it, I had, I noticed that 10 minutes before me, two other people had posted the exact same thing. So I had deleted and I felt damn back in the day I used to be first. Was it Michael Cook? Cause he's very fast. It was Michael Cook. He was one of the two. And, uh, everybody definitely needs to go to the Facebook page and check out this video that Jezebel put together. I don't know if some of you ladies look at the Jezebel blog, but it's actually quite hilarious on a daily basis.

But they put together a two- to three-minute video montage of the various Real Housewives attempting to cry with their Botox. And it was really just sad and creepy and hilarious all at the same time. I feel like I would feel so fulfilled on a personal level if I saw that. Yes. Well, you definitely should check it out cause it's on your own Facebook page. I will check it out. I haven't had a chance to go on this afternoon. Um, uh, so Matt, what's going on? You, what I, we haven't like talked, we've emailed, but we haven't talked in a little bit. What's going on with you? How's life? We haven't talked.

We've emailed, but we haven't talked in a little bit. What's going on with you? How's life? Life is crazy, but crazy good. I don't know. I have a new boss. Work is out of control. That's the same old, same old.

I explained this to Ronnie a few weeks ago, but I hadn't been watching Bravo at all. The People's Couch drama took its toll on me. I was like, I can't handle this. I hate that network. I hate all the shows. It was too much. And then I re-immersed myself over the course of one weekend where I thought that I had to work and I found out I wasn't on call and I was like, oh, I'm free. Let me just watch Bravo for 48 straight hours. Fell back in love with all of the casts of characters that we've been following for years on end here.

And then I also had to ramp up because OC and New York are my two favorites. So I had to get back in the game. That's pretty much it. Well, that's why I actually emailed you because I was like, you know what? If there's anyone who loves the OC and if there's anyone who I feel like I associate

podcasting about the OC season premiere with, it's you. Do you remember the time you came over here and we watched the season premiere, I think two years ago? I did. I kind of think that it was a date, but it wasn't.

I might've felt that it was, but it definitely was not. No. I am totally kidding. Yeah. You know, you're too light-skinned for me. I was about to say that,

but I didn't know if I could go there. It's okay. No, that was a fun night. And you know that you're not, you know, well, I won't say it. Never mind. I'm the devil, people. I'm still the devil, but I'm not going to say that. It's okay.

So anyway, Matt, since you do still work at Yahoo and you are still around all the news and stuff, do you have any good gossip for us on the Real Housewives front or Bravo front? Well, yeah, there's a lot to talk about. I think that we should definitely start with the mugshot of all mugshots oh yeah porsche obviously decks the shit out of kenya on the upcoming real housewives of atlanta reunion yeah and it was only a matter of time until kenya pressed charges but she did earlier this week and then porsche turns herself in today and ben i hope you have seen it but this is the most glamorous mugshot in the history of all time she she really

you know what she did it up she made her hair look good she had the makeup she this this was no nick nolte situation no it was definitely not a nolte situation it wasn't a lohan a nicole richie situation it was glamour shots straight out of Sears. Oh, yeah. And I respect that. I appreciate it. I appreciated Portia's effort. You know, she's got to sell it if she wants to.

She does. She does. I do have to say, though, that her makeup always looks like it comes from one of those, like, I don't know if you know what, like, Bonnie Bell is, like, a little girl's, like, chapstick kit where it's like, I don't know. She looks like she wears cheap-ass clown makeup. Why does one need a kit for chapstick? It seems pretty self-explanatory. It just comes in a little tube. But then again, I just don't know certain things.

I have certain gaps in my knowledge. Exactly. But anyway, what do you think about Kenya pressing charges? I mean, obviously she antagonizes Portia all season long and if anything, if anybody on that entire cast deserves a beatdown, it's definitely Kenya. Well, you know what? She's acting out of grief because poor Velvet dearly departed

was a very important member for her and of course she's going to act out and I do not blame Kenya. You don't blame Kenya? Of course I do. Of course I do. Of course I do. No, she's a crazy bitch, and she provoked it. And from the previews, it looked like she had some sort of scepter. Of course she's going to question.

She had a scepter, but she also had a megaphone, Ben. Oh, yeah. I think Cynthia gets caught in the middle. And trust me, I hate Cynthia more than any of them. But, like, if I was sitting on one of those couches and somebody whipped out a megaphone, you don't even know the beatdown that I would do. Oh, I believe it. I believe you would be like a cat, you know, like remember that movie Oliver and Company from the 80s? I have no idea what you're talking about. I was born in the 90s. Oh, okay. Well, it's a cartoon and there's a moment where a cat walks over a subway grate. For some reason, I always remembered that. And its hair goes like in all

directions. That's what happened to you. You would be full-on oliver and company okay so you're um saying that i would act like a cat and there's nothing in the world that terrifies me more than cats so thanks yeah well you know you can't you can't help it okay so clearly there's more drama to go down there um but if anything i think that the beat down and the lawsuit and the mugshot, if anything, it secured Portia a third season on this show. So smart girl, right? Yeah, very smart. And Kenya's not going to see it all the way through because I'm sure Bravo will say, don't do this. And then they'll have a season of, like, you know, bitterness.

And then I'm sure they will make up because the truth is all these feuds can be solved when the producers say, okay, we want you to make up, as evidenced by Aviva and Ramona suddenly being besties again. And villains have to become heroes, and heroes have to become villains. It's just the cycle of a real housewife. It's the circle of a real housewife. We also have to talk about a lot of shady shit that is going down with my arch-nem, Tamara, a.k.a. Tammy Sue Vieth Barney Judge. What is happening with her and Cut Fitness? Who cares about Cut Fitness? Let's talk about Simon, her ex-husband. Oh, great.

And all the drama that is going down with her children. So apparently, we know that Tammy Sue's old eldest son, Ryan, is on the show. That's fine because he comes from, you know, probably some husband many moons ago. Yes, a previous recreational vehicle. Yeah, exactly. And no signatures are needed for Ryan's appearance on the show. He's also not a minor, so. He's not a minor, despite the fact that he has an inner lip tattoo and a serious balding issue.

Yes, despite his education level, he is not a minor. He is not. So anyway, Tamara clearly is all about Eddie and cut fitness right now. And we knew that she was a terrible mom the second she stepped onto this show. second she stepped onto this show yeah but her she now has a teenage daughter you know from her relationship with simon that is 15 who is claiming that tamra doesn't have any proper food in her house she only eats takeout the kids aren't taken care of simon is filing some suit for full custody because he said that when he picked up one of the younger kids to bring him back to his house you know for his week or his weekend that the kid had bugs in its hair.

It hadn't taken a shower. I mean, apparently these kids are malnourished and poorly treated when they stay with Tamara, and Simon is going full force for full custody. Well, first of all, a few things. Since when is takeout such a bad thing? Second of all, who wants Tamara Barney's cooking over takeout? Third of all, as much as Tammy Sue is trailer trash, etc., I don't really think that her house is, you know, like a third world country. I mean, if they have bugs in their hair, that's because they're kids.

And remember that Simon is also Mr. Anal Retentive, and he's a crazy, crazy man. So he probably sees a bug, like any bug, and he fills their head with all sorts of nonsense. He's like the Mia Farrow of the situation. Oh, God. Well, I am a neat freak, and I have OCD, so I'm going to side with Simon on this one. If your children are bringing bugs up into my house, that's going to be a problem. And I'm going to file a lawsuit. That might just be a general Orange County issue. You know, you just go to Orange County, come back with bugs. That is very possible. But, um, so what's your take on this? I mean, do you actually think that Tamara is a decent mom or do you think that she's just a star fucker trying to, you know, blow up

because she's already had a spinoff and now she has a younger husband and now she has cut fitness. I mean, she's not cut out to be a mother, correct? She, um, you know what, blow up because she's already had a spinoff, and now she has a younger husband, and now she has cut fitness. I mean, she's not cut out to be a mother, correct? She, you know, I'm sure she's like an okay mom. I don't think she's, she's not like, this is not like Monique in Precious, okay? I think that, like, she's probably fine, and she probably views it like, hey kids, we're going to get pizza, because I'm like the fun mom. I'm like the cool mom. She's probably not a great mom, but she's not the derelict that she's being made out to be, I don't think. So do you think that Simon is trying to poison the children in the sense that he wants them to –

He is a psychopath. The guy is a psychopath, OK? He is a psychopath. I mean he is the one who brought charges against Tamara because she threw a dog leash at his hand. I mean this is a crazy man. You talk about Kenya Moore. This guy. Well, we know who hates Tammy Sue more than anyone, and that is my all-time favorite housewife, Gina Kehoe.

So in the back of my mind, I know that Gina is still in touch with Simon and still hates Tammy Sue for that wine-throwing incident. Well, she's probably the one who talks to Simon and says, Well, you know, Simon, what I hear is that she keeps the kids locked up in a cage i mean but i don't know that's just what i hear and let me tell you exactly and gina is probably like spying uh you know she probably has nothing better to do with her life so she's just spying on tammy sue's kids exactly so it's funny that you mentioned this because on your very own website yahoo i read um an article that was a where are they now the former ladies you did and why why did they lead i didn't write the piece but i know i looked why did they lead with quinn i i don't know but i appreciated it i i thought that was great because in fact when they

led with quinn i scrolled up again i was like oh matt clearly wrote this and it wasn't i was like what but my favorite part was that they asked all these women, you know, they give like blurbs and they're all pretty much up to nothing. We're talking about the Kimberleys, the Joe De La Rosas of the world, the Tammy Knickerbockers. The Gretchen Rossies too now.

And the Alexis Bellino. Really every single one. Lynn Curtin. So what I love is that most all of them it's sort of like it's like well you know um i'm doing great things now but i'm not opposed to going back on the show you know you know i would go one of them said that they were all like i'm ready for a paycheck yeah they all said it as if bravo was waiting on them as if like you know like you know like i might like i'm at a good place in my life now where I think I would go back now and I think I'd show a different side of myself.

I'm like, ladies, you have no choice. It's not like Bravo sitting here being like, oh, good, Quinn, Quinn finally wants to come back to us. It's like, no, it's not working that way. If Bravo won't take Jill Zarin back, they're not going to take any of you bitches back. But you know what the funny thing is that Bravo took Alexia back from Miami. Of all people, they took Alexia. But then again, Alexia brought some crazy season, too. Ben, we have not been in touch

as of late. Are you still devastated by the fact that Miami is not on the slate for next year? I can't talk about it. But it's their fault. They messed it up. They had a bad season. They should have brought it. And What's-Her-Face, Joanna Krupa, should have kept on drinking, and then it would have been a lot better you know leah did her part in what's her face crazy brazilian did her part but um alexia was too you know oh well you know

peter you know she was just doing nothing and mama elsa had to go and get ill i know how dare she how dare she um it's it's a shame it's a it's a it's a low down dirty shame starring keenan ivory wands it really yes with yes as that pimp with the goldfish in his shoes so um yeah i saw that movie too so um let's let's let's just um actually you know what i think the movie i was referencing was not that movie i think it was his other one the chattanooga choo-choo movie whatever anywho why don't we start getting into these shows let's let's get into some shows why don't we start with orange county it was a big premiere uh season nine i think was it season nine season nine the og from the oc vicky gundelsen is back for season

nine it's crazy that the show has been on this long i want to start off by saying how much I truly missed stupid Gretchen Christine and Ethan Slade, dare I say, and airhead of all hairheads, Alexis. I have to tell you one thing. I did not miss them. I was actually surprised. I felt like the episode sort of like it was like it was like an easy breezy episode because there was no bullshit, you know, Gretchen Christine stuff happening. Alert, alert, alert fans. I'm clutching my pearls. Pearls are being clutched. This was like an easy breezy episode because there was no bullshit, you know, Gretchen, Christine stuff happening. Alert, alert, alert fans. I'm clutching my pearls. Pearls are being clutched. I am crutching my fleur de lis. And I am telling you right now, like Gretchen used to be awesome. And she just got to be, she sucked so much that like I was so happy not to deal with her.

You know, I was like like i enjoyed this episode although what one thing i was surprised at was that we didn't see anything from the slutty new girl she's yeah what was that about i mean is her story just that bad or it must be because i i thought for sure you know she's the crazy one she's the one that bravo's been pushing not the other one and that is not true ben i mean we'll get to it in a second, but they are pushing the crazy young one, but in the preview for the entire season, they make it look like Shannon loses her goddamn mind and is screaming and the camera crews are running for cover. Well, that's exactly why she was in the first episode, but I'm saying in all the promos, it was about the slutty girl, you know? Okay, yes, you're right. All the promos, yes. So I was surprised, and I'm excited to see how this new lady Shannon unravels

because I love her. Yeah. She actually was like, not the craziest at first. I mean, what was crazy about her at all? I mean, she's filthy fucking rich and her kids are a little,

you know, too perfect. Her kids, by the way, let me put, go on the record. Her daughters are beautiful. They are beautiful daughters.

They're gorgeous. They're gorgeous little girls, aren't they? Yeah, no, they are beautiful daughters they're gorgeous they're gorgeous little girls aren't they yeah no they are i bet that's why i'm like why is she crazy her house was well decorated for the most part it was actually it was like i mean it was a little too stately for my for my taste but you know it's like the first time there's been any like whiff of refinement in orange county right but so here's the deal. What about her red, red crazy to you? Um, I think the fact that she goes to that crazy doctor all the time is what they like. That guy sat there and he like touched her wrist. He's like, Oh, well your liver, uh, I think your liver, you got it is broken. Let me touch here. Now it's fixed. I mean,

if I did not have a job and I had millions and millions and millions of dollars and tons of nannies and my children were gone all day, in order to fill my days, I would definitely seek out bizarre physicians to make me buy bizarre herbal medications because what else is this woman going to do with her life? She should be getting a massage. That is true. She should get a massage in one of the rooms of her French chateau. So, I mean, she was, like, fine at first. She didn't really—I remember she had a few amusing lines, but I don't remember what they are. All that matters is it looks like she's going to fight to the death with my arch-nemesis, Heather, who I would like to talk about immediately because I hate her fucking guts. Let's get into Heather.

Fancy pants. Please refer to her as, you can refer to her as fancy pants, or you can refer to her as former guest star of Malibu Country. We did not get five minutes into this goddamn premiere episode without her mentioning that she's starring on Hawaii Five-O. Oh, yeah. And that she had done guest spots recently on Hot in Cleveland and the canceled Reba McEntire disaster Malibu Country. A show that is famous more for the drama it inspired on this show than for anything that happened on ABC. Exactly. I hate her. I hate her. I thought what was really hilarious about Heather was that, you know, so she went to Hawaii to shoot Hawaii Five-0. And I guess something happens to her character, something terrible, because she spent a few scenes where she's just talking and she has blood dripping down her forehead.

And I thought that was actually a hilarious image, if not perhaps a fantasy. Or if not foreshadowing to the reunion where Shannon decks her. Yeah. What do you think um the plans for their new uh mega mansion i think they're tacky as fuck i don't understand how they have this much money she is not like an a-list actress not even a d-list actress who's making enough money did her husband did like does he just give like boob implants around the fucking clock to pay i don't know he must well you know to be fair on the Swan, wasn't he? That's what I've heard. But you know what, though?

Malibu country is very popular in Guam, and I think there's a lot of money that comes in from that market. Well, I cannot wait, to be honest with you, until the day – because all housewives have financial issues at some point or another or file for bankruptcy or have their Range Rovers that they're leasing from five years ago towed from the country club. I cannot wait for the day that Heather gets a divorce paper served to her or that something happens and the money is gone. Yeah, yeah, and she goes back to being Heather Page Kent. She is really annoying, and it's funny because the first season I really liked her, and last season she was just such a bitter wench. To be clear, I have always hated her. Yeah, you have.

You were an early adopter of the hatred. I wasn't an early adopter. But she, you know, I almost got the sense that they're setting her up for a bad edit this season because they were kind of coming down on her a little bit. They were sort of teasing. Oh, they definitely are. They are setting her up to be the bad guy. They are. But, Ben, it is a setup, and yes, it is reality TV,

and we know how they edit these things. But guess what? She is a bad guy because she is a stuck-up bitch. She really is. And I think it's funny that Tamara and Vicky are now, like, think of thieves again. And, you know, the thing that really made me laugh was at one point tamra was talking about um gretchen she's like well i think she's a pathological liar and

she's basically dead to me i think myself like this fucking bitch tamra because she was like lovey-dovey with her like you know what are under the bridge and then all of a sudden no never mind i think you're a liar i mean you're such a she's such a catty bitch like if it waters on so too fast you can't be you can't say what are under the bridge and then come back to it as we learned as we learned from aviva and heather but we'll get to that and you know you guys know how much i hate tamra i mean i think that tamra ramona and maybe now heather are like my top three hated all time which is from new york Tamara, Ramona, and maybe now Heather are like my top three hated all time.

Wait, Heather from New York? No, no, no. Oh, I'm sorry. Heather Dubrow. Sorry. My brain. I've got boot camp brain. But anyway, so I hate Tamara with all of my being.

Right. But I will give her this. As long as she teams up with crazy plastic face Vicky to take on Heather this season, I am okay with it. Yeah. I'm okay. I'm excited to have the oc girls back and um i'm ready i'm ready for the new ladies uh there's something about orange county that you know two seasons ago i thought was not a great one last season i thought was good um i am sad that lydia is not there i really like lydia i thought she was a good addition you are crazy the gretchen is the missing no no no factor lydia i like lydia i thought she was a good addition you are crazy the gretchen is the

missing no no no factor lydia i like lydia because she was sweet she was funny but she stood up for herself and she really did stand up for herself and and uh oh she was so annoying no i i was a lydia a lydia fan i was a big lydia fan look if dreams came true they would have lydia lynn curtain gina and uh tammy knickerbocker back in the fold. Well, Lynn has to come back. Like, I don't understand why Lynn is not on the show. I mean, and you and I want Lynn back just because she's so pathetic, right? She's pathetic and she's got these crazy daughters.

I mean, it's just, you know, in that article, it said that one of Lynn's daughters is modeling. Is her assistant. One's assistant and one's modeling. And the one that's modeling is, I think, the older one, Raquel. Yeah, well, what is she modeling? I think boats at, like, a show in, you know, the Ozarks. You know, like, I can't, like, not to be catty about a girl's looks. But you haven't seen her on the cover of Vogue any time recently.

Yeah, I'm not seeing her walking down the runways. She's no Gigi, that's for goddamn sure. She's no Danielle Staub's daughter, that's for sure. Whatever her name is, Chrissy. Chrissy Staub. She's no Melania. She's no Ramona Singer. That is...

At Brooklyn Fashion Week. At Brooklyn Fashion Week. Remember when Alex and Simon were all about Brooklyn Fashion Week and trying to make that happen? I know. And the funny thing is that obviously Brooklyn has a very unique culture unto itself. And I don't think Fashion Week is part of it. I think Brooklyn would just roll its eyes at a Fashion Week. It would be more like if there was going to be something that would be like a fashion show, it would be a farmer's market. It would be mustache week, right?

Yeah, exactly. It would be like baristas bringing heads of kale down a runway and then rolling their eyes at the audience. Oh, my God. Okay, back to Osi for a few quick minutes. How boring is Heather? And I would never want to go on a vacation with her. She only like sips one cocktail. She doesn't want to get wild, crazy drunk. She doesn't want to get what? What

do they call it? Crazy wasted? Um, naked wasted. Naked wasted. I mean, my God, when you go on vacation, you're supposed to let loose. Am I wrong? You are. And, or if your friends are letting loose, you don't act like a stick in the mud. You don't have to necessarily let loose, but you can at least try to have fun at the same time. None of these women have to pay for anything. None of these women have to drive anywhere. It's like, then get wasted on free booze and let someone drive your ass home. Yeah, and stop saying, like, champs

as if that's going to make you fun. Just because you refer to champagne as champs does not actually make you fun. And in fact, I like to call it champers. I like to call it champers. I really just want to club her over the head with a bottle of Dom every time she says that. Like, club her over the head with a bottle of Dom every time she says that. Like, club her like a baby fucking seal.

And then she'd be like, well, you know that Dom Perignon bottles are actually very weak and they would shatter and it would actually do more damage to the bottle than to my head. That's my terrible resolution. And then I would leave her body in the hidden secret room that she's building in her mansion. Yes. Okay, so let's see. In other news, Brianna's pregnant and going to Oklahoma. Big deal. Oh, I love Vicky. Yes, it is a big deal. Vicky is not going to be able to handle this. I loved when

Vicky was dissing Oklahoma when she's like, Oklahoma's a forgotten state. Who goes to Oklahoma? What is Oklahoma? What's in Oklahoma? Did you see the night of the premiere, Vicky took to her Twitter account to apologize to the Oklahomans or Oklahomians. I don't know what you call them because it is a flyover state.

But Vicky took to Twitter to apologize to them because she was getting some haterade. I thought it was hilarious. And for the record, I'll tell you what's in Oklahoma, the Pioneer Woman. So that's what's there. I drove through it on my way from Washington, Dc to los angeles but i only stayed one night and i will never go back um i know that there's a farmer um in there's a farmer and a milkman i believe wait wait did i eat at a cracker barrel do they have cracker barrel there well if you're in the real america i'm sure there's a Cracker Barrel.

I have never – I had never in my life and I never will again eat at a Cracker Barrel. But I ate at a Cracker Barrel on my drive to LA 11 years ago when I moved here. And I think I ate at a Cracker Barrel in Oklahoma. Let me tell you. I went to a – I went to Cracker Barrel in Massachusetts a few years ago. They have it in New England? The Yankees allow such things? They do.

And it's actually very close to the Yankee Candle Factory. And so I went to it. I bet they have a Yankee Candle Factory in the gift shop in the Cracker Barrel. Probably. I went to it. I got shits that lasted for three days. And it started in the Cracker Barrel, and I had to go to the bathroom. And I was sitting there on the toilet.

No! I was sitting there on the toilet I was sitting there on the toilet And on the radio which plays in the bathroom You know what song was playing? Let me guess Can I guess? Give me a clue but don't give me the full thing It was Patriotic

Born in the USA? No, guess what? Trick question, it wasn't even a song It was a guy going I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, one nation.

I was sitting there, I was like exploding, exploding into the toilet, while this pledge of allegiance is going on over my head, in the cracker barrel, and I thought... Was it a country fried steak that was double fried, and then extra staked, or what was it? I... Was it a country fried steak that was double fried and then extra staked? Or what was it?

I think it was a country fried steak, actually. It really was. And so anyway, that's... And this is what you meat-eating murderers have to deal with. Sorry. So by the way, the reference I was trying to make before about Oklahoma, when I said there's a farmer and a milkman, I really meant to say there's the farmer and the cowman live in Oklahoma, which is a reference to the musical Oklahoma. If only only we had ronnie here to sing us a tune i could

sing that oh the farmer and the cowman should be friends i think it goes you know what i have missed immensely are tangents that have nothing to do with bravo i know and you know what i also miss is um we used to do those crazy tangents where we do like it smells like like, or it looks like, and we don't really do those anymore. And we actually got a request on Facebook to somehow incorporate that. Well, maybe it will magically appear as we work our way through the rest of these Housewives. I hope so. It has to happen organically. You know,

last week, Rodney and I went on a big tangent where we pretended to be Ramona talking to animals on the safari. Oh, I heard. It was amazing. Honestly, it was one of my favorite things to be done in forever. animals on the safari. Oh, I heard. It was amazing. Honestly, it was one of my favorite things to be done in forever. It reminded me of the good old days of talking about that kind of stuff. Let's get back to...

Is there anything else that has to be said about Orange County? I think we should move on to New York. Let's move on. Yeah, we're going to try to be actually a little quick tonight, because Matt has to wake up for a tennis tournament tomorrow. I've got to go win me a trophy. Okay. Let's go to New York and talk about this.

I am totally on board with this season. I feel like this cast has gelled. I feel like there are good dynamics, bitchy dynamics. I am excited about it. What about you? I know you are, and you know that I love it, too. It's probably really, really my all-time favorite. I mean, the first three seasons are the most epic thing ever however ben you have to be on board

with me on this one the fact that luann has been downgraded is a travesty travesty it's her own fault it is her own fault for shacking up with jacques and then trying to like pretend that that relationship was going somewhere because if you piss off the editors it's never gonna work in your favor yeah and they're gonna downgrade your ass i just am really bummed because i love that woman well she's like an icon in bravo not an icon in the world um she is basically like bravo's answer to king batch from vine like if i saw luann and if i were in a trolley i would i would call out to luann are you i mean i feel like you're on the same page as i am and maybe some of the listeners

the listeners are probably too like if i were at the mall and i were to see like luann or kathy griffin or jeff lewis i would lose my fucking shit like you could have george clooney or mark walberg or like julia roberts walk by and I would turn my nose. Give me some Bravo stars. You know what? Here's the thing. There have been some seasons where I just absolutely love Luanne and there's some seasons where I'm like, oh, she is a member of Cut Fitness. But

no matter what, no matter what, I just have given myself over to her and I think that she is a force to be reckoned with. She is a unique personality in the real housewives universe. And I hope that they, she comes back next season full time because she is great. If anybody has a real chance of coming back in an upgrade,

going from being downgraded to being a full-time cast member again, with Alexia being the other exception, I think it is Luann. I will say two things about Luann, just quickly. Yeah. Morocco and pirates. You can't fucking beat either of those. This isn't the Plaza Hotel.

This is Morocco. One of my favorite quotes of all time. Of all time. Yeah, because no one gets to stick up their ass the way Luann does. And handles it as passive-aggressively. Yes, and nothing was more delicious and awkward and upsetting than when she still had that microphone on and started babbling French into the telephone to her girlfriend. Oh, yeah. When they were in St. Bart's after she had fucked the pirate that looked like Johnny Depp while she was still dating Jacques. When I think about it to this day, I die.

Do you realize this genius that happened that we saw Luanne embroiled in a sex scandal with a pirate? I mean, it does not get any better than that. She is, Luanne is the best. She has to come back. But that being said. I will let you move on. That being said. So last season, I remember the first half, we were sort of like, well, it's not quite working.

Because all these girls were new. They didn't really know each other. And then the second half went bonkers. That was great. Because Heather started fighting Ramona and I was living for it. This time around, the dynamics are set. The season, the show has gelled and it is great. And you know what?

It's going on a trajectory that the best seasons go on, which is. Blondes versus brunettes. Well, there's that. It's also, I think, an age difference, too. But I think if you were... An age difference? Well... Are you trying to pretend that Skeletor Carol

is actually in her 30s when she's really 97? Come on. She is old. And I realized that as soon as I said it. But you know what? She acts young. She does act young. She really does.

She does. She does because she's mature. She's youthful. And Kristen is blonde. She does. She does. She's youthful. She's youthful. And Kristen is blonde. So there, so, um, but,

but here's the thing. Um, when you think back to like the best seasons of any real housewives, let's think of, let's talk, let's go to Beverly Hills season one. Okay. You have this thing with Camille and Kyle,

a beef, if you will. And it just keeps on going and building and escalating. And it sort of morphs into one thing or another and everyone gets dragged into it. And it doesn't feel like

some of the beefs on Atlanta where it's just the same thing being rehashed over and over and over again. It's something that grows. Or with New Jersey where it will forever be Teresa versus Melissa. Yeah.

It grows. It grows. It blossoms. It's wonderful. And that's what's happening this season. You have Bookgate, which, by the way, I love. I love Bookgate because I feel like it's a very real sort of argument. And it's about something real. You know, it's about, like, you know, books.

It's about like you know books and it's about is about career it makes it extra juicy because it really is all that carol has exactly um i mean i i do agree that carol came on pretty harshly to aviva when aviva said she wrote a book carol probably could have just said oh that's great rather than say the ghost writing thing that being said you know you have you so you have book gate which has now then morphed into this heather aviva fight and what we're seeing is a ever-evolving chaotic situation and that's that's great that's what we want lines are really being drawn in the sand here i mean we'll get there in a second or we'll get there right now go right now when heather and aviva sat down to have a glass of wine to try and hash out their differences they were trying and they were trying and they were trying and then at a certain point heather goes but i at the end of the day i really just don't fucking like you yeah heather has been

great this season i know you were also early she is i was an early believer on her of hers and i don't want you to think though see this is what here's my problem though like i'm all team heather all the time except for when she backs carol a little too much because i was also when carol came onto the show um kind of worried because she was rude to my beloved countess and a little bit countess did deserve it a little bit but i do think that carol thinks that she is hot shit and has and she also has a sick of her ass at the same time and i don't i love heather to death but i don't love heather when she is supporting who i also think is just as much of a bitch as aviva i do not think that she is i do quite a second i don't think she's as crazy as ramona sonja or aviva but i think she's as much

of a bitch as aviva is uh she is a bitch but she's the sort of bitch that we like i feel like she's like don't be saying we and assuming that i'm involved with that. I'm saying we. I'm speaking up to you. The jury is still out on her for me. I like Carol. I think that she's funny. I think that she's smart. So I think if she is acting like a bitch, I'm like down for it. She's built up enough capital that she can have her bitchy moments.

Now, Heather – the thing that I like about Heather is that she is letting her bitch colors fly. But don't you think that she is letting her bitch colors fly, but at the same time, she's also balancing that out with how sweet of a wife and mother she is, which I also feel is very authentic, which is rare for these women to see a good, solid marriage and mother. Well, I agree. I agree. And I think that we're seeing a more real side of heather i think last season i mentioned this i think last week last season we um she was really smiley and fake for the first half and she and she was smiling and fake and i was like i don't like this woman because because she is fake and she's very

passive-aggressive and she's very mean and she says pointed things and she smiles and acts like everything's okay and this season she's not really doing that she's very mean, and she says pointed things, and then she smiles, and acts like everything's okay. And this season, she's not really doing that. She's very pointed now, and you just don't mess with her, and I think it's great. I love watching her attack Aviva. Their attempt to sort of smooth things over was

hilarious, because it was doomed from the beginning, and what was funny to me, though, is they're being just so vicious to each other, so mean, and then all of a sudden they're like okay well what are under the bridge it's like what huh yeah but but and two minutes before that i i don't know like they are trying to smooth it all out and then aviva is like oh we'll stop defending uh carol because clearly you're her lesbian lover oh my god yes that was that was just, you know, Aviva drives me nuts. Aviva drives me nuts too, and Heather said it correctly when she was in the confessional.

She was like, could she have been more childish? No. Every time Aviva's on screen, I cringe. It's like, she is sort of like, I cringe the way I cringe with Ramona, but I cringe in a different way. It's just, it's crazy, and I don't understand why Ramona is so friendly to Aviva, except that I believe the producer said, guess what? You have to be friends with Aviva now. You have to be. I mean, and you know that Ramona and Aviva bring the crazy, but you also realize that the show cannot survive without either of them at this point. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I think that Aviva...

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or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. She's just bonkers. I'm like almost rendered speechless by her. And I think that it's, I think it was reasonable for Heather to say, listen, too soon. Don't come to my anniversary party. I think that was a reasonable thing. And Aviva should have been like, yeah, we're going to take it one step at a time. Instead, she just was like, oh my God, you know, like I wasn't

invited. I was surprised that Ramona and Sonia took a stance on that. Instead, she just was like, oh my God, I wasn't invited. I was surprised that Ramona and Sonia took a stance on that. That was very strange to me. Okay. So do you think that that was manufactured or where do you really think that comes from? Because it is such an insult to... You can RSVP to a birthday party where 175 people are going and not show up and no one's going to notice and no one's going to care and it's not going to be a big deal. If you were going to a person or a couple's 10 year wedding anniversary party and you RSVP and you know that that guest list is not so big, you can't not, you can't do that. Right. And you know, the funny thing is that these women are, we're coming down on Heather saying like, this wasn't Heather's battle,

but regarding book it, this wasn't Heather's battle. This wasn't Heather's battle. Why is she getting involved? And what these women do, they they get involved they are now they're it's not their battle either and they are boycotting this party ramona is the shit stirrer of all shit stirrer she can pretend that she wants to smooth things over and have everybody be friends but at the end of the day she is the shit stirrer and she would again if if one of them had done this to Sonia or to Ramona, I think that Kristen would have, is Kristen the new blonde one? What's her name? Kristen. She was in the confessional and she was like, can you imagine if somebody had done this to Ramona?

Absolutely. She would have gone crazy. And I just think that at the end of the day, if you're invited to a party like that, you go. At the end of the day, if you're invited to a party like that, you go. But Heather lucked out by not having them there because knowing Ramona and Sonia, they would have gotten plastered. Sonia would have ripped off her panties and jumped in a pool. And by pool, I mean like any body of water that was bigger than like a cup of water because she is so sloppy drunk when she gets there. And I wish they would have made fools of themselves. That makes for great tv but heather's party didn't need that craziness there from any

they dodged a huge bullet and everything that was great now kristin um her husband is an asshole by the way he really is an asshole um she's an asshole too oh i love kristin okay ben you cannot love her when she cried after the mud run. My God, get it together. No, I don't think you heard that episode. I was on her side with that, with the crying. And I'll tell you why, just to rehash that a little bit. Did you cry because I wasn't there at boot camp today to hold your hand?

I was crying because I was in such – you guys don't even know. You guys don't even know the state that I was in at boot camp. I mean, it was a disaster. You're going to feel it more tomorrow, I'll tell you that. I was the such, you guys don't even know. You guys don't even know the state that I was in at boot camp. I mean, it was a disaster. You're going to feel it more tomorrow, I'll tell you that. I was the worst one. There were all these middle-aged overweight women doing just fine, and I'm sitting there on the ground. I've got bloody knees now.

It's awful. So here's why I understood Kristen's situation. She didn't really want to do it. She was doing it to be nice to her husband. And she wasn't really enjoying it. She just, it wasn't her thing. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and go with the flow for your mate. Listen, that's what her husband should have done.

Because I know that feeling. When you are in this thing, it's supposed to be a group. And then everyone runs ahead and you're left alone. And you're also, like, exerting, you're, like, emotionally fragile, like, you're frazzled, everything's crazy, um, I understand that feeling, it's like, fuck you, like, I don't want to do this, and now I'm, like, so miserable, and I've got to go through this, I'm so, and the thing is, you're just stuck with your thoughts, so it's like, you ever, like, drive somewhere, and you have, like, an imaginary argument with someone in your head, and by the time you get to wherever you are you're so angry as if you've been fighting for like an hour that's what was

clearly happening to her i i actually really understood it like i think i would have cried too more importantly will you do a mud run with me down at camp pendleton in the fall oh that as seen on real housewives of orange county like with yeah i want us to go compete against them i'm not even kidding you uh no i don't you. No, I don't want to do a mud run. I'm sorry. I just really do not want to do that. So anyway, I like Kristen. You know what I

did not like? I did not like that Kristen and Carol were friends with Yolanda and Brandy. Okay, we gotta talk about this. This was like the time in real world back to New York when the Road Rules cast came over to the house and like what was named gisella or whatever um and malik were like hanging out and hooked up and i was like the first time there was like this is crazy that i'm even i'm even referring no it's

not you're talking to the right audience because in my head i'm like that's when some producer was like yes we need to have the real world road rules challenge now the challenge already existed but this is the first time that there were Road Rules people that appeared on a real-world show. And I think, is this like the first major Housewife crossover? I mean, I think they probably crossed over a little bit here and there, but this isn't the first

big major one. This was pretty epic where they got Kyron'd and, you know, it was a big to-do. You know, I'm not a big fan of Yolanda anymore these days, but especially i hate brandy now and i do not like the cool girls having being sullied by these these beverly hills ladies yeah um the beverly hills cast i don't know this past season of beverly hills was just so freaking lame i was just i know beyond upset and brandy fell off a cliff. But the Facebook page is blowing up right now. They are demanding that we discuss Yolanda's obsession with white pants and how she clearly either has a closet full of white pants or only one pair, which she has to bleach on an hourly basis.

Yeah, well, she probably does, like, just tons of lemon juice from her grove. So we have this joke. I don't know where it came from, but the people that I bowl with, yes, I bowl. I don't know where it came from, but somebody said that people that wear white pants love anal. So anytime I see Yolanda on TV, I chuckle to myself because I'm like, she loves

anal. She's like, well, that is what you have to do. If you need to keep your man, you have to do anal. That's just how you do it. If you don't do anal with your man, someone else will. I hope that I pass this on. So whenever you're at the store now and you see somebody wearing white pants, you'll just chuckle to yourself and think, oh my god, they love it.

I have heard that, by the way. I have a friend who used to love busting out their white pants. And we would tease him a lot about the anal situation. and I don't think he ever wanted to admit it. That should be like Urban Legends 4. I know. That's, you know, I would watch that. I would watch that. Direct to Netflix.

There you go. Let's see. So what else happened on this episode? There was a caviar tasting with Heather's cute husband. Um, if I'm married, if I've been married to somebody for 10 years, um, I don't know that I want a sack of larva handed to me as my gift. Guess what? If, if I'm married to someone for 10 years, I would like that sack. Cause I love me some caviar. I have never had caviar in my life

well that's because you're do you eat seafood i do eat seafood but i've never had caviar well caviar is divine i know that might make me sound hoity-toity but i'm sorry it's a delicacy and uh i love it tastes like is it little sacks of goo? I love salty and creamy. But what is it salty blood? Well, there's different types of caviar. Wait, but it always looks like little black balls. And I'm like, do they explode in your mouth? Sort of.

Okay, if you were to get like salmon roe, which is caviar, it's just like salmon roe. That's like a cheaper kind. You get that at a sushi restaurant. Those eggs are larger. So when you bite into them, they really do like pop and fluid okay i'm vomiting right now can we talk about the small what gross but aren't like the fancy kinds like they're little teeny balls that you like wipe onto a crostini with a little butter knife absolutely and you know one time on the amazing race there was a challenge where teams were given

like a pound of caviar that they had to eat. That's like, I would die. Like, do you know, like when you get caviar, you get like an ounce or something like that to be able to get like a full pound and to be going with like a spoon and eat it like soup. Like, that's what I want.

And I'm just too poor to ever be able to approach anything like that. Marry well, and you'll be fine. Well, I'm working on it. So, um, um,

all right. So there was that and um i hope we don't leave anything out because i want to move on to atlanta dude is there anything just a second we talked about the heather fight there was stuff in the beginning of the episode i don't remember what to be in the episode i also just want to i want to see kristin and her husband's marriage fall apart because it's clearly already starting to crack and if she's going to secret um therapy sessions and then telling the therapist don't tell my husband i was here before and you have to pretend that i'm a stranger that's fucked up yeah yeah and she just uh she just announced it on national tv so she will have to deal with that. Oh, Avery's going away to college. Ramona's crying. Mario doesn't care because he's banging a stripper on the side. That's all I got.

Yeah, that's the usual stuff. Okay, why don't we move on to Atlanta? Okay. Okay. So this is sort of like a fun little finale. It centered mainly around Candy's musical, but it first started with the memorial service for Velvet, dearly departed, poor dog, killed, murdered by a neighbor's dog. Okay, I have many things to say about this. I love dogs. I hate cats. It's very sad to me, especially the thought of having to see your pet in that kind of state.

Yeah. Okay, I've set the stage. All of that is very upsetting yeah why on earth did stupid cynthia bailey bring her crazy fucking dog to another dog's memorial well because well if you had listened to the eulogy you would have heard them talk about velvet and how like all of velvet's friends so clearly this is one of velvet's friends velvet's friend looked like it wanted to burst out of cynthia's arms and run away and then jump in front of a tractor trailer because i wanted to i thought the whole thing was like it was a borderline it's like i kept going back and forth between this is actually really

sweet and this is also hilarious they were in a gravel parking lot. Where the fuck were they? They were, like, I actually really do understand that, like, Kenya, like, Velvet meant a lot to Kenya. I do get that. And Kenya has a lot of walls. And I actually get her sadness. But at a certain point, she was just, like, bawling. And she was like, why? God, why? Like, the equivalent of that.

And it was so over the top that I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. I felt bad because it was a real thing. I mean, you're already going to hell, so you might as well just like... I mean, I'm a cat person. What can I say? You're a cat person? Listen, I am... This is another reason why I could never date you.

Listen, I enjoy the Oliver and Company and more so than the All Dogs Go to Heaven. Mr. Mustafes, what? Mr. Mistoffelees, oh, Memories of Cats. I had a cat growing up, as mentioned on last week's podcast, where apparently we made people cry talking about our dead pets. I would put it in a microwave because I hate them.

I put you in a microwave. I wish I were that thin. Someday we all will get there. Someday. So there was that. And then I would say the rest of the episode really focused on the Candice musical, which I would love to see that. I want to see it so badly. I'm sitting there watching and I'm like, do you think I could convince Ben and Ronnie to buy some tickets on Southwest so that we could go to Atlanta the next time she puts one of these on?

Because I need to go. It looked, first of all, it looked good. And second of all, the music's... You are lying. You are lying and or crazy. Well, you know what? I say it looked good mainly because the music sounded good. And it sounded like... I'm also just impressed that Candy wrote all those songs.

Ben, they were not songs. They have two words, and then they go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's every song that Candy writes and or sings. I was enjoying it. I was on a plane, and it was really providing a lot of entertainment for me. Now, I will say I had a little more context going into this

because last weekend, a friend of mine um asked me to watch um one of tyler perry's stage productions because you know medea is not just in the movies medea started on the stage and we watched the theater live theater production of a medea family christmas oh i only saw the movie the most fucked up thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And now, no lies, totally obsessed, want to see it all. I saw that movie. Madea and Candy are getting me back into theater.

Who would have guessed? Can I tell you something? Well, Tyler Perry was there to see that show. I saw Madea Family Christmas in the theaters. And it was really a horrific experience. And what's even worse is every Tyler Perry movie that you see, you, they're going to be like hot black eyes to take off the shirt.

Like that's just, that's just part of the deal. And because it was a Christmas, Christmas movie, the guy, yeah, the guy did not take off a shirt. I was like,

come on now. That's like the one thing, the one thing I was looking forward to, aside from the fact that Kathy and Jimmy and Larry the Cable Guy and Lisa Welchel and Thelma from Amen were in it. It was an all-star cast. Well, I'm just – Thelma from Amen sold. Exactly. Thelma was a real bitch in the movie too, by the way.

Netflix Q. Here we go. Thelma – I believe that Thelma learns a valuable lesson from Chad Michael Murray, which is kind of amazing. There are too many white people in this movie. I know, and on top of that, I don't know if the stage production was like this, but the movie definitely had some anti-Semitic undertones, which I thought was

both awful and hilarious. You know, because they were like, these corporate businessmen were coming into the small town and were trying to take away... Let me guess, were they from your homeland? Well, it wasn't explicitly said, but the small town and were trying to take away... Were they from your homeland? Well, it wasn't explicitly said, but the whole thing is they wanted to take out mention of Christmas and Jesus. It's supposed to be like, happy holidays.

And everyone's like, but Christmas is for Jesus! And so you see at the end, these businessmen come to town. And of course, they look so, like, they look so Jewish. I mean, it was just, they were just missing the yarmulkes. Is that it? I mean, they were missing, like, they should have, like, been holding up a Torah

or something like that. I mean, it was, and they have, like, monocles. You know, it was, like, really... Their star of David necklaces were under their shirts. Yeah, it was actually very anti-Semitic. And I am not saying that to be sensitive like Kyle Richards. It's just, you know, Michelle Collins and I, we saw it together. We're both like, hmm.

But it's hilarious. So anyway, Candy had a show. And Portia sang, sang well, I think so. She did. I'm going to give her mad props. Dare I say she's a little bit better than candy no candy's the best um uh let's see todd proved that he is a good worker because he went around and asked a lot of questions like how does that work how does that work here's a

door how's that open and i'm like okay mama joyce is gonna watch this back on tape and go um if candy is putting him on the payroll to do that because that is nothing she is wasting her money um mama joyce actually looked pretty good this episode i have to say why because of her wig or because she didn't fight anybody um both she her she had a good wig going on and i liked her little outfit um and by the way did you notice that her boyfriend was there? Yes, I did. Mama Joyce has a man. It's exciting. I kind of want to see Todd's mom fight Mama Joyce.

Is that wrong to want to watch two old ladies in a steel cage match? I'm sure we'll see plenty of it on the upcoming wedding spinoff, which I can't even. I can't even. With another wedding sp spin-off it makes me want to quote kristen from vanderpump rules and say seriously seriously seriously dude seriously seriously um well what did you think did nini really have an illness which yeah well greg assumed that it was the farts he's like i'll show you what i have to do. Here, get some Alka-Seltzer. And she's just dying of embarrassment. She's like, I know that I remarried you,

but can you put the gas jokes, save those for when the cameras are not here? I guarantee that Nini insisted that she have that one-on-one with Andy Cohen afterwards, because she basically was not in the finale. She had a scene where she was hurting, and then there was that moment, everything wasone with Andy Cohen afterwards, because she basically was not in the finale. She had like a scene where she, she was hurting. And then there was like that moment towards everything was like happy with this musical.

And then someone's like, Oh yeah, Nini's in the hospital. And then they cut to like a screenshot of Perez Hilton. And it's like, Nini Leakes has blood clots in the lungs. And they're like, Oh,

anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, she demanded to have that, um, moment with Andy Cohen on watch what happens. And it ended up being the highest rated episode of Watch What Happens ever with over three and a half million viewers. That's insane. What? That's insane. Why do people care what she has to say about anything?

I don't understand. I don't get it. But you know what? I think that if anything, this past season taught Nini, and probably the reunions will solidify this even more for her. Kenya is starting to snatch the weave and steal this show. And Nini is the highest paid. Obviously, she's the OG from this cast. and you know if she's not going to get on the next ryan murphy show can you imagine if she was on the next american horror story i can um she's not going to be doing that she needs to up her game to all time levels for next season well it's funny i for me the way i could really tell that there has been like a change in the guard was that at the um at the musical when as people were entering you know i see cynthia come in and phaedra i'm like oh you know, I see Cynthia come in, and Phaedra, and I'm like,

oh, you know, whatever, and then, like, a little bit later, then Kenya walks in, and I had this moment, right, like, it's instinctual, I was like, oh, shit, here we go, and it's like, oh, wow, like, I just had a moment where I just acknowledged that Kenya is the star, like, things don't get going until Kenya gets there, and I was like, wow, she has done it. And you know what? Like, she has been smart this season because she's brought her crazy, but she's also brought a lot of her more human side.

Like, she's, like, laughing a lot more. Like, season one, her first season, she was doing all these sort of stunts, like the time she dressed up like Phaedra. And it just felt like she just wanted airtime. And this season, she's crazy but um she's shown enough of her real side I feel like that she's oddly enough becoming a little likable um I agree with you I want to get your take on Cynthia right now because as you know I hate her and it looks like Nini starts chomping at her during the

reunion do you think that they might start to have a falling out which could then uh build into a story arc next season uh yeah i think that they will have a falling out i mean obviously they will i mean cynthia is like but dare i say ben do we still need cynthia no we don't need cynthia you know she didn't bother me as much this season i still can't stand peter peter is really you know, she didn't bother me as much this season. I still can't stand Peter. Peter is really, you know, dregs, like, of the earth. He's really terrible, using up all her money. He is a bitch, just like Nini said it. Yes, I thought Cynthia trying to be, like, seductive was hilarious. First of all, she has to ask Mel, or Mal, for her help.

And Mal is, like, the last person I'd want to go to for, like, romantic advice. For the sex thing. She's like, Oh, okay. Hey, Cynthia, you know what you gotta do? You gotta light some candles.

You know what is not, you know what is not sexy? Cheap cigars that you, the skinny cheap cigars. Yeah. Seven 11. Not sexy. Exactly.

And you know what else is not sexy? Um, like lurching forward, like you're a lesbian softball player sitting in the dugout. Okay. That's not a sexy pose. Lurching forward like you're a lesbian softball player sitting in the dugout okay that's not a sexy pose lurching forward like you're ben shitting out his brains in a cracker barrel with the pledge of allegiance playing yeah exactly because that's what she looked like no offense to lesbians but it was a very masculine pose or cracker barrel or cracker no i will say

i will say offense to cracker barrel but she was sitting there i'm like she's like i'm gonna say i'm gonna try to say like sharon stone i'm like have you seen this against sharon so to not sit with her legs forward and then like lean forward and put an elbow on there as if she's about to play craps okay she you know it's like you sit back and cross your legs and then you undo them like yeah she looked like she was shimming up to the card table in the tlc video for creep yeah her slinky PJs. You all know what I'm talking about. I'm bringing the ATL right now. Come on. You know, I heard today on the radio,

I heard SWV week, week at the knees. I also heard Boys to Men, End of the Road. I heard, I heard, what's it called? You want to know the best song?

Jade. Don't walk away. You know that one? Of course. But't walk away. You know that one? Of course, but I didn't hear that. I also heard, I think it's Starpoint, Object of Desire. You're my object. My desire.

Were you into Jodeci like I was in middle school? I actually, Jodeci was a little bit after my time. You know what else I heard today? I heard The Deal, I Only Think of You, and Two Occasions. Isn't this crazy? I heard all this great R&B today on the radio.

Who listens to the radio? I do, because I'm a man. You know why? Because I'm very grounded, and therefore I listen to terrestrial radio. I like it. I like it. So what else happened? Let's see.

Phaedra graduated from mortuary school, and her kid is cute. Her kid is adorable. He is funny. He is actually funny. I feel bad that he has two criminals as parents. I love that the reunion clearly didn't tape that long ago because of the brawl, and Andy goes right at Apollo and asks him all about his shady business situations. Now, it's funny.

Speaking of Andy, I'm going to pull up this quote here regarding that fight. I'm going to pull it up. It was sent to me by a very handsome gentleman. And the quote that Andy said regarding this whole fight was he said, excuse me, I'm getting verklempt. He says, I just don't want it to happen again i think it's gross it's totally inappropriate it's wrong it's not entertaining it's just bad well seriously what are we talking about andy talks what no andy talking about the brawl at the reunion so for him to say it's wrong it's not entertaining it's just bad he's totally lying because a it is entertaining it is bad but don't act don't say it's not entertaining it's just bad he's totally lying because a it is entertaining it is bad but

don't act don't say it's not entertaining and then use it as the centerpiece of your tease for the show what i want to say it's not entertaining it shouldn't be in the promo own it queen that's what i'm that should be the new shirt they they they sell instead of mazal own it queen and i'm pointing right at andy when i say that because i'm like bitch your bank account is full because everyone likes to watch women in their 40s pulling on each other's hair so don't you think for a goddamn second that anything else is happening on that network that anybody cares about absolutely preach can you say absolutely properly absolutely absolutely absolutely not so that's a good segue why don't we talk about marriage to medicine for

all of one minute because nothing happened on this episode nothing happened on episode two but i am so fully invested in this show the ratings are through the roof it is clearly the perfect sunday night replacement once atlanta uh bids farewell in the next few weeks after probably nine reunion specials yeah i love this show i don't know whose side I'm on just yet. I don't know how I feel. Well, I don't know how I feel about Toya. That is like, she's the one that's up in the air for me because I don't like it when she's coming for Simone.

For Simone. I don't like it when she's coming for Simone. You think you're some sort of a khazar? I have candy to talk to you about. That's what I assume. Toya's an idiot. Toya's an idiot. you think you're some sort of a cazar i have candy to talk to you about that socialization i toy is an idiot toy is an idiot but mariah is down we're on the same page though i think that we all love quad simone and jackie correct yeah i mean i like jackie she's a little bit of a she's a little bit of a nothing and she's gotten getting a little bit too much screen time if you ask me

um love simone um i i think the show needs its carry back it does it's really it really needs carry back and what a tease when they had her in that the background of the first episode and they said toy are they said something like toyah's friend cari and i'm like the only reason cari is not on the show this season is because Mariah is one of the producers of the show, and she hates that bitch so much, and she knows that Carrie was going to destroy her yet again. Yeah, no, Carrie should be back. I mean, Dr. Heavenly is really annoying, and she'll make a good villain, but she's no Carrie. Is there anything worse than fat people who get skinny that still defend fat people? The Holocaust? The Holocaust?

Sorry, too much Tyler Perry on the brain. Listen, it's just getting into my brain. No, I think that I got you to clutch your pearls there for a second, didn't I? I might have spit all over my mic you you were like you you were you were at a lot of words i was well it's true it's moist you asked if there was anything worse and i'll tell you one thing that was worse the holocaust okay i you know what that is a valid answer it is valid it's true it It's true. Okay, so nothing really did happen except Quad is now trying to maybe make a line of doggy clothes. Yeah, that's... Sad.

That's annoying. You know, I can't stand these women going into fashion. And you know what? Ronnie and I forgot to talk about it last week, but Nene is now trying to start up a fashion line and it's hilarious because if they're the biggest critique i'm sorry the biggest critic of she by charie was none other than nini leaks exactly and all that came out of that nini meeting was oh there's a polyester tarp but it has a cold shoulder oh nini we know you love a cold shoulder the only thing that she likes and of course she loved it by the way speaking and chocolate cake of course you know when when. By the way, speaking of... And chocolate cake. Of course, you know, when Nini was bashing She Buy a Charade back in the day, she famously had a conversation with her then-gay, Dwight. And Dwight said, How do you have a fashion show and no fashions?

I mention this because Dwight has jumped ship over to Marriage Medicine now. And he is now sticking his little Cryptkeeper face up in this new ladies. Who is this new woman? Is she a cast member? She's a, well, she was there in the very first episode as well at that party. Like Carrie was,

she's not in the credits though, right? She's not in the credits, but she is making a play to, to be fully in the mix there. But they gave her like a whole, I mean, they gave her like a whole segment.

Well, part of me thinks she might be in the entire season and she might have pissed somebody off at the end and they were like, okay, her storyline is there, but we're not going to put her in the opening credits. That's very possible. Maybe she doesn't get in the opening credits until next week or something. And that's also a possibility. We'll see. It's one of the many mysteries. One of the fascinating mysteries

in the narrative. It really is a fascinating mystery. Yeah. Alright. I want to touch on southern charm for a second no it's i'm giving it an anti-ugh i love this show but i have to tell people once again i haven't seen it because again i have my traveling i had passover so there's an i i can't speak about it this week i know people want to talk about it, but next week is the season finale. I promise to catch up on my Southern Charm so we can talk about T-Rav and all the people, JD and Cameron from Real World San Diego. Am I, what? Do you watch, do you watch Southern Charm?

I watched one episode and it was terrible, but who from San Diego Real World? Cameron, the girl. No, that's her? She's on Southern Charm, but she from San Diego Real World? Cameron, the girl. No, that's her? She's on Southern Charm. But she's good on Southern Charm. You know, I loved her in San Diego and I loved her in Charleston. Wow. Now that is just too much for my brain to handle.

I will say, though, that you are wasting your time if you're watching Southern Charm and not watching Flipping Out. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm not watching Flipping Out and I'm watching Southern Char'm doing. I'm not watching Flipping Out, and I'm watching Southern Charm. But Southern Charm has bad ratings, correct? Southern Charm's ratings are actually halfway decent. It has a good shot at coming back. I think it has about a 1.1 or 1.2, right around the Shaw's level, and

Shaw's got re-upped. It's looking positive for them. People are really chatting about it on our page. Again, facebook.com forward slash watch where crap happens. People, when we say, what do you want to talk about? Everyone wants to talk about Southern Charm, and so I feel terrible that I don't have anything to say except that I love the mom. And I think that Whitney is like a wannabe hipster.

Wait, well, what's your – yes, Whitney is a wannabe hipster, but what is your take on her? Whitney is a man. But I'll call her her. I'll do shebonics with her okay she thinks she a hipster but she not she a conservative man but she a he she a hey um she uh let me tell you about whitney let me tell you she wants to start a mexican restaurant in charleston um i mean it's hard for me to opine too greatly considering I've missed three episodes.

I already feel like it's going to be highly racist. There can be nothing racist about her because she's white and lives in her mom's house. And her mom is a gay icon. I mean, there's part of me that thinks that Whitney might be gay, but that's really not for us to say. No.

Even though I just did what Whitney, I just did the classic Southern thing, but that's not for me to say. Right. Even though I just said it. You take a swig of your mint julep. Even though I just said it. Yeah. I love this show. By the way, was Lindsay Lohan on Watch What Happens?

Do you know about this? Did you not see what she said to Andy Cohen? I'm telling you, I've been like semi off the grid for the past few days. I was in Westchester, New York, doing pasta, eating matzah. Like I'm just now catching up to speed. Tell me. Okay. I'm just going to tell you the tagline, her housewife's tagline, because it was TV fucking gold.

Are you ready? Yeah. I'm done with mugshots. It's time for an Oscar. I say that all the time. Every time I take a selfie, I say, I'm done with Instagram. It's time for an Oscar. I don't even know. After working in the entertainment industry and being there for her whole rollercoaster, which I am still on, i have nothing left to say about lindsey lohan the only things i have to say are oprah is the devil

for putting that tv show on own is she the devil though yes she is she's a horrible person and she wants to pretend that she is trying to help this poor fucked up you know freckle faced disaster when in fact it's just it's nothing but a ratings ploy so own up to it oprah own up to it oprah winfrey network pun intended okay i know we need to wrap this up but i have to leave on one note here and it is the biggest travesty of of them all really yes is that the best new show on television right now which dare, dare I say, is up there in the realms of Gal Girls and Below Deck. I know, brace yourself, people, brace yourself. It's not on Bravo.

It's on a sister network, the USA Network. And the show I'm referring to is Chrisley Knows Best. Okay, so here's the thing. I haven't seen it. But I actually just read on Reality Blurred that he was like, you know, it's actually really good. I went to the Chrisley Knows Best press junket thing,

oddly enough, at the Sunset Tower Hotel about a month and a half ago. And I was like, first of all, this is a gay man. Once again. But it's not for me to say. And I was like, this is just is like garbage this is the exact sort of reality show that i hate like a family and everything's then i am telling you everybody at work was talking about it and then i think i saw a few people on the facebook page the watch what crap in this facebook page mention it and i was like okay if they're talking about it

i'm gonna trust them these are my peeps here we. So just a few nights ago, I sat down and I watched the premiere. And guess what? Today I recorded the rest of them on my DVR because the season, I think, is ending next week. It is trash to the trash extreme amazing. I don't know. They were so awful at that party. Ben, I'm telling you, just treat yourself. Treat yourself.

Like Retta on Parks and Rec would say, treat yourself. All right. I will try, but it's a little off-brand for me to go to USA. It is not off-brand because I'm watching it, and it's actually the producers behind the Real Housewives of Atlanta. It's the same production company, and it's also shot in Atlanta. But apparently Bravo only likes black people from Atlanta. Oh, wait, Southern Charm.

Where's Southern Charm? Is that South Carolina? Yeah, but those are all white people. Those are all white people. Yeah, that's a travesty, too. Anyway, it belongs on Bravo. It should be paired with either Southern Charm or, I don't know. It can be paired with whatever the hell it needs to be paired with.

It is amazing, and I'm hoping, I guarantee you, that the reruns will air on Bravo because USA is all part of NBCUniversal. It's going to happen. Yeah. It seems like a strange show to be on USA, to be honest. Yes. All right. So I will try to check it out, but first I've got to catch up on myself and Sean, and I've got to catch up on my survivor from last night.

There's so much to watch. There was a twist. Okay, I'm excited. So I will do that later tonight. So let's wrap this up, Sue, but that way you can play your tennis tomorrow on full night of sleep. Thank you so much for coming on, Matt. Matt is at Life on the M List.

I'm at B-Side Blog. This podcast can be found Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. Oh, and go check out Ronnie's website, TrashTalkTV.com because the poor guy does this whole website all by himself for the most part. And his survivor in two minutes is hilarious. Yeah, so

go, because he needs the clicks, and click on some ads. Um, and leave a, leave a review for this podcast while you're at it. Um, uh, i think that's pretty much it and go to godaddy and say like crap ends 295 when you check out and get a domain for like three dollars which is actually a totally insane deal like crazy so you actually should do that so um matt thank you so much for coming on. Good luck on your tournament tomorrow. Thank you.

I'll be wearing white pants. And you should carry your tennis racket and a Gretchen Christine Butte clutch of some sort. I will definitely do that, and I will keep you posted. Thank you for having me. Thank you all that are listening right now and posting on the Facebook page. It's always tons of fun, and I could not have not been, I couldn't have, how do I say that properly? I couldn't have not been part of the OC premiere.

Thank you for having me. Absolutely. I'm going to go soak myself in some Epsom salts. Bye, everyone. Bye, guys. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

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