Watch What Crappens - #124: Bravo Gives Us Hot Brawls and Cold Potatoes

Episode Date: April 23, 2014

There's drama large and small on all the "Real Housewives" this week, and "Watch What Crappens" has it covered. Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) is joined by Katie Cazorla (TVGN's "The Nail Files") as they break down Sonja's delusions, Aviva's hypocrisy, and Ramona's utter craziness on RHONYC. Then it's on to Atlanta to talk about the weave-pull heard around the world. It's Porsha versus Kenya, and the loser is everyone involved. Finally, things wrap up with talk of Shannon from "Orange County." Kooky nutjob or hilariously entertaining lady? Both? Along the way there are plenty of tangents and gossip. Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Watch what Crappens? on Instagram and on Vine. I'm getting back into the Vine thing. You guys should follow me there because every time I post something, I get one like and maybe half a rewind. So it's really sad. Anyway,

I am here. Ronnie is not here tonight because he is very busy. He started up a new job and he's sort of just figuring out his hours, etc. But in Ronnie's place, we have a dear friend of the podcast. It's none other than Katie Cazorla. Back to Galavant again.

Hey, Katie. Woo! Party! I'm so excited. I'm so excited, too, because it is 12.18 a.m. We are doing a late-night podcast. And according to the track record of this podcast, whenever we record after midnight, things get crazy. They get a little crazy. I'm not going to lie.

As soon as you asked me to do this and I knew it was going to be a super late night because I've had a crazy day and I had to catch up. I'm like, I'm all about watch what crappens live after dark. Well, that's what's going on. This is like, we're like gremlins and staying up after midnight. We're going to go crazy. You're right.

I ate some chicken wings and it's after midnight. So I might get crazy up in here. I have lights on in my apartment. Things are getting, I am, I'm already looking for a Malibu Barbie car to drive around. I am scanning the scanning my apartment. Where is it? Where's my ride? Oh my God. A Malibu Barbie car. You know, to be fair, I kind of have that on lockdown with my smart car. You really do.

It's probably your, your smart car is maybe not quite as big as a Malibu Barbie. I keep on wanting to say Malibu Country Barbie, which is hilarious because I'm imagining Barbie going out to audition for Malibu Country with Heather Dubrow. Oh, my God. But it has to be spelled instead of C-O-U-N-T-R-Y. It's C-U-N-T-R-Y. That's clearly the way Malibu Country is spelled. I just have a feeling. I have a feeling that Heather Dubrow has a lot of issues with Barbie,

not because Barbie has some sort of like impossible physical ideal, but basically because she has a car from Malibu. It's just like, oh, well, it's not the same car. It wasn't the same car that was offered to me. Oh, you know what? You're right. Oh, well, it was a different car. You know, you guys were offered a different car than I was offered. Clearly, Barbie has a different car.

She was offered one by the dealer, whereas Heather was offered one by the manufacturer. Yeah, and that's a total difference. I mean, like when the dealer gives you a car, it has rolled down windows for air conditioning. And when the manufacturer gives you one, it's just a push button. I totally got it. Yeah, I'll be, um, before we get any deeper into this late night podcast, I just want to say that people should follow you on Twitter at, uh, is it the painted nail or painted nail?

The painted nail, right? Yeah. It's up. So my Twitter is at the painted nail. My Instagram is the Painted Nail. And Facebook, I'm Official Katie Cazorla. She is the official one as opposed to the unofficial one. Actually, I had an imposter.

I had to send my passport photo and, like, credit cards to prove that this person who was like posting, like just had a long day at the office, just did some crazy manicures. I'm like, that's not me. I don't actually do, do nails. I run the operation. It was, I'm not kidding. Someone was like impostering and it happened. It happened to Walter too. They were posturing us. We got impostered. We done been impostered. We done been impostered up in this motherfucker. So anyway. That's very Porsche. That's very Porsche. Yeah.

If you, if you aren't too busy riding the underground railway railroad and impostering Katie and Walter also check out the, this podcast, Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. We plug it every single week, but the sincerity does not waver because it's really awesome. There's like – I guess what?

We have 2,300 people on there. It's like it's so fun. We have so many people who participate, who write things, write comments. It's great. If you like Bravo, you should go to our Facebook page. I actually, I actually like the watch what crappens fans on Facebook better than the Bravo people. And I know that sounds a little crazy, but Bravo people are kind of, um, like a little bit crazy and weird. And the watch what crappens are like our friends, like they get us. Well,

they're smart too. We have actually very smart listeners and they put out, you know, like they know how to imposter people, you know, on that note. So listen, we are trying to do a quick podcast cause it's late at night and I've got to go to Arizona tomorrow. So, um, why don't we just like cut right to the gossip because you actually texted me like after midnight last night with an extreme amount of urgency. Why don't you tell the listeners what's going on? Okay. So just so everyone out there in podcast land knows what's happening. Ben was going to forego. This is how devoted he is to you guys he was good as ronnie is too

they were actually gonna forego the watch what crappens podcast this week which i was like you cannot let your fucking devoted friends and family and fans down because i actually love watch what crappens and i'm like i can't live a week without this. So what happened was I'm, I'm at like 11 o'clock at night. I get this weird text on my phone and I don't recognize the number. It's a three one Oh number. And it says, check your mailbox. And I'm like, what the F who is this? Is someone leave like, you know, like some white suspicious powder in an envelope and, and, or am I going to blow up or whatever? So all of a sudden I'm like, okay, what is this? I make Walter everyone. I think if you're a watch what

crappens fan, you're familiar with my, my finance, otherwise known as Walter. Um, I was like, Hey, fiance, can you go up to the mailbox and check this in case we're going to blow up? He goes up there and comes down and he goes, Oh my God, it's an invite from Yolanda Foster. Okay. I mean, what are the fucking chances, right? I know considering that how many times have we like completely, let's just like dog to her. That's what I'm, that's what she clearly is not a listener of the podcast. I'm just going to say this right now. Thank God. Did she send you, did she send you a tick? Oh my God. Can you imagine if I woke up tomorrow? I'm like, I'm exhausted. I need to get like a drain tube in my brain. Um, and then you can bro out with your internists. Oh yeah. And I can just like blame everything on my Lyme disease, which is like a mysterious bullshit disease. It's a real disease. It's a real disease. But I like

how Yolanda's version of it is like, well, I have, I, I, I have Lyme disease. So I just had to call everyone an asshole. It's just what happens when you have Lyme disease. Yeah. That's the thing. I went to high school and we have a friend that can actually verify this. This girl in my, my classroom got Lyme disease from like a deer. Like she was like doing like deer research and she got bit by a Lyme tick. You're speaking crazy right now. There's no such thing as a Lyme tick. It's a tick with Lyme disease. No, but they're actually like they're Lyme disease carriers. Absolutely, the deer ticks are, yes. Yeah.

But there's other ticks too in the wildlife living in California. We should be aware of these. And this is where Yolanda Foster comes in. Not only does she have a really good lemon tree farm. Lemon Grove, yes. Don't worry, I'm here to help you. Oh, my God. Listen, I have Malibu Country, C- N T R Y. I have to tell you,

I had to, I'm doing this whole medicinal marijuana thing to like, to help me because I have no, but it's true. I like have really bad sleep anxiety and like, I can't sleep, which I think it's just a creative thing. I think you just kind of like, you know, people are that are night owls are night owls and people who can wake up during the day are like early birds. And I'm just not one of those people. And so I've been trying this new thing, this new regimen instead of Z quill and ambient and all this shit that makes you crazy. And I'm like, let me just do a little bit of this, like edibles. Oh my God. I mean, I mean, let's get to talking about the real motherfucking house. Wait, so Yolanda, so she invited you, invite, what is the event that she invited you to?

Okay, so Babyface, Kenny Babyface Edmonds and Walter, my auntie Elms Lou, are producing Barbra Streisand's duets album. We were invited to their wedding in late May. Babyface and Barbra Streisand are getting married? I know. Wouldn't that be amazing? It would actually be amazing. Oh my god, my dog is totally humping my other dog and it's really weird

because they're totally... Well, they're excited for the wedding. Finally, the Babyface-Streisand wedding we've been waiting for. With the most beautiful vows of all time. totally well they're excited for the wedding they're like finally the baby face strizand wedding we've been waiting for with the most beautiful vows of all time it's kind of like that girl from um little people big world meets kareem abdul-jabbar and they're having sex it's weird okay so so i get invited to this whole like scavenger hunt party it this weekend and i'm like, wait a second. I look at the thing because it says you're invited to come to the Ivy. And I'm like, oh my God, I love the Ivy. It's so fancy. And then underneath in the small print, it says, make sure you wear good walking shoes.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that good walking shoes to me is like a four inch wedge. So I'm like completely confused as to what I'm supposed to be wearing to this fucking party. I'm telling you, well, first of all, a walking shoe, you're, you know, you're, you're like, uh, you're like Kristen on New York tonight, where she's like, I didn't know there are specific shoes for tennis. It's called tennis shoes. It's okay. There are Katie, there are walking shoes out there for you to wear. She's like easy striders. Remember like what, when you have like a leg shorter than the other,

you would wear like that weird all white or beige sneaker, like large heel. That's a walking shoe to me. I think you should go, you should go to this before you alienate all of our listeners. I think you should go, you should go to this before you alienate all of our listeners. I think you should, I think you should go to the Nike store and get like some cool, like Nike free 5.0s, which is what I have. No, we've discussed this. Nike's aren't made for everyone's feet. They don't fit me. I slide around in those. Maybe they have like, maybe they have

like a delicate fit now. Maybe, maybe Nike technology has advanced. Um, I try it on, you know what? I I'm getting your subtle jokes here and I've already tried on the little boys shoes and the size four. And let me tell you something. They do not fit either. They're wide. Get down.

What about the Malibu Barbie shoes? Oh my God. What about the Malibu Barbie shoes? Oh, my God. Actually, when I run, when I take my shoes off, my feet are, like, permanently arched. They really are. I have, like, permanent Barbie feet. Well, I have very flat feet.

So you can't wear my shoes at all. But anyway, you'll have to keep us updated on how this whole strange event unfolds with Yolanda at the Ivy with Babyface, because I am personally very intrigued by all of this. And it's way more exciting than what goes on in my life. No, but you don't understand. It's like it says that Babyface meets the Amazing Race. And Walter and I have always talked about this. We could never do the Amazing Race because I would murder someone on national television. Well, now you can murder someone in the discretion of your own car.

At the Ivy. You know, it's funny. This is going to bring it full circle. The last time I went to the Ivy, you know who was there? Oh, my God. David Foster? No, no, no. It was Alex McCord, Ramona Singer, countess luann and kelly ben simone

ew what seamy whores which ivy the one in west hollywood or santa monica west the the original the west hollywood one yeah well that's where seamy whores go exactly and i'm just a santa monica and ben mendelker yes because i am nothing if not a seamy whore in, the only reason I was there is because I caught wind that those ladies were going to be there. So I was truly a senior whore. I actually told the story. I've told the story from time to time on the podcast. But why not bring it back out again? What happened was.

Yeah, I want to hear it. So back in the day, I used to follow Alex McCord on Twitter. And she used to follow me. And we had a nice little Twitter thing going on and she had tweeted that she tweeted something out being like I'm back in LA with the girls

and it was like a picture of her with Luanne and Ramona which is hilarious and so I DM'd her and I was like hey are you in LA and she was like yeah she was like I'm going to the Ivy for lunch. So now I didn't want to say, hey, can I come? Because that's...

Oh my God. You guys are like totally friends and we're like texting each other? We were DMing. I mean, she stopped following me. So... Well, that's because she got fired. So fuck her. It's like Gretchen and Alexis Couture.

No one cares about your copy made in china shit so i didn't want to be like oh uh like can i come by so instead i wrote back to i was like oh that's so funny i have a lunch at the newsroom cafe across the street today total lies total total total lie and so she's like oh you should come say hi i was like oh sure yeah that'd be great so i drive over there i linger around in front of newsroom cafe try, trying not to look too strange. I sort of pace back and forth until finally the women show up. I mean, this is pathetic, actually. And yet I'm so happy I did it because here I am three years later, still using the story. And so they show up. And so then I walk by the picket fence. No, they're placed right by the picket fence.

So I walk by. And I look as if I – they just happen to catch my eye. And I see Alex. I'm like – I wave. I'm like, oh. And I give her this thing like, oh, should I just come on by? Should I just come in and say hi? Why don't I do that really quickly?

She's like, sure. So I come over. I walk over to this table. And at the table, it's Alex, Ramona, and Luann. And at the very next table, coincidentally, is Kelly simone they did not plan oh come on that is bullshit those bitches did not know they were all there no no they weren't they did not i don't think they hung out with kelly so it's sort of funny so i stand there the place you know is packed it's cheek by jowl like you cannot move and i'm like standing over women, which is sort of awkward.

I hear them right now. Oh, that was actually Ramona and Jill Ben Simone. Yeah. Kelly Ben Simone. Oh, whatever her name is. Yeah. Oh, that's the photographer was her ex-husband, right? Oh, yeah.

You're right. Jill Ben Simone. That's right. I'm sorry. Pas de mot. Mi fonce. Okay. Qu'est-ce que tu fais? Va te faire foutre casque, you're right. That's right. I'm sorry. Pardon mon français. Okay.

Qu'est-ce que tu fais? Va te faire foutre casse-couille, Gilles Benzema. Wait, wait. So I'm standing over them. Ramona is like very cold and frosty. She like barely cares that I'm there, which sort of makes sense because they're trying to have lunch. But Alex is being friendly. She's like, this is Ben.

He's from B-Side Blog. He writes these funny recaps. And Ramona's like, oh, okay. Anyway, so Ramona doesn't care. So then then luann turns to me yeah luann turns to me and she's like she's like uh i'm sorry uh where are you from again and alice like oh from b-side blog.com and luann gives me this look she sort of cocks her head she stares deep into my soul and she goes, how wonderful for you. And I was like, it was just like this, this like icy cold class, the countess moment where you could tell she just hated me. Like, I believe she must've read my stuff and she just hated me and I felt it.

And I was like, oh, this is wonderful. Like I, like it was so scary and so wonderful. It made my life. You should have just looked at her and gone, um, say chic, say chic. And then just like sashade. I know a little does she realize how much I love her. So anyway, why don't we start talking about the real housewives of New York city? Because we just watched it. Let's do it. So, um, what I liked about this episode and what I like about this season and what I like about this show is that everyone fights, you know, some, you know, in other episodes, it's like, there's one fight between two people that's towards the

end of the show. No, this episode, everyone fought the entire hour about little things, but still yet. And yet I found myself very involved. Whose team are you on? Let's just start off with this before I could hang up right now. If it all goes well, I'm on team, for it. I could hang up right now if it all goes well. I'm on team Carol and Heather and Kristen. Oh my god, me too! Oh my god, thank god. Do you imagine if you're like, I love Ramona and Aviva.

I would be like, I gotta go. I love Ramona and Aviva in the sense that I love that they're there because they're just nutbags and they make this show so entertaining. Yeah, you love them because they're dicks, like Kenya Moore. They're dicks. Like, like, like Kenya Moore,

they're dicks, but I, but I don't love them in terms of what they stand for necessarily. So let's start at the beginning of the episode. Yeah. Let's do it. I took notes, which it starts with,

with Kristen visiting Aviva at some sort of preschool thing or whatever. And Kristen, you know, I like, I actually really like Kristen a lot, but she really came in she just sort of if she were an airplane she kind of like basically she she crashed she she landed she forgot to put her landing gear on because she came and she's like i just want to say i do not

want to get involved i don't want to get involved at all i'm like kristen no one was talking about it and as much as aviva is crazy she's's kind of right, which is to be like, by you saying this, you're actually trying to get yourself involved. Yeah, you are. Because then as soon as you say something like that, like, okay, I don't want to be involved. Just don't even bring it up. Someone's going to go, but you don't understand wanting you to take a side. And it's kind of ridiculous. Like she's setting yourself up. She's, it's that weird passive aggressive mentality where you have,

you seen the way she treats her husband. There you go. Yeah. But have you seen the way her husband treats her? Well, then maybe, maybe Vicki Gundleson should be with her husband and Kristen should go be with you.

That's a wife swap. I'd really like, Oh my God. I would totally need to wash my eyes with bleach if I watch that. No, I think the new girl on The Real Housewives of the O.C., the old lady blonde lady... Oh my god. Oh, I can't wait to talk about her. Yeah, her husband should

be with Kristen, and Kristen's weird golem-looking husband who really, with the energy drink... Have you ever drank one of those? They serve them free on Virgin Airlines. They're terrible. It tastes like urine. What's it called again? What's his brand again? I don't know. Freeze-dried urine.

That's what it should be called. It is like dried-up, crusty piss that you wring out of furniture from a dog and then you put it into water and you're like, all of a sudden it has vitamins in it. I hate energy drinks.

I never drink them. They taste like urine. Like weird bubble gum meets urine. There's nothing about it that makes me want to drink. It's like if I was stranded on a desert island and all I could drink was salty ocean water or my own like energy drink filled urine i would be like no i will just drink the salty ocean water until you die of dehydration yeah i would i would and i would risk kidney failure it's i think his energy drink is like um it's like in that orange packet it's a weird vitamin e i don't i don't know but either way i mean i think he's a

dick whatever so get your ears pinned back so what uh here's what i here's getting back to kristen and aviva here's what i here's what i loved the what i love is that as kristen starts to like go off on this thing aviva shushes her and is like i don't like all this hostility near the kids not 30 seconds later she's like shut the fuck up that was amazing i'm like the craziness my jaw did this my face looked exactly like christian me too because it's like she's like can we bring up this drama in front of the children like can they shouldn't be around this and whatever then also she's like you know what you know what shut the fuck up it's just like god

i mean i mean again i think kristin was a little out of line with what she was saying but for aviva to do that and and that was actually the first of two instances that had me doing the Kristen face, because later on in the episode, Heather is talking to Ramona about the fact that Ramona completely stood her up for her party, you know, last week, and didn't even text about it.

You know, Ramona's a bitch. Don't even get me started on her. She's just an awful friend and an awful person. But I do love that Ramona's like, well, you know, you know, the reason why,

the reason why I didn't text you is, you know, I, you know, here that you might not like to hear what I have to say about this, but you know, I think you're a little bit of a hypocrite. And then Heather's like,

I'm not the hypocrite. You're the hypocrite because da, da, da, da. And Ramona goes hypocrite. I never even used that word hypocrite. I was oh my god is she a goldfish i like get the bull she lived in 30 seconds earlier she's ellen degeneres and finding nemo i mean i was like where am i now where am i now where am i

i was like i i definitely did like a like like i don't even know sometimes how these women even but you know what? Here's the thing. These are the type of women that live in this weird sociopath cloud where they feel like they're not responsible for anything. They can say and do as they will. It is the Kenya Moore. It is the, what's her name, Ramona Singer. It is the, who's another one? Kyle Richards. All these women feel like they can do and say as they please,

but then when shit comes back around to them, they're like, why would she even do that? She's a terrible person. She's a terrible, she's the, they're all, they all have that Jill Zarin, Bethany Frankel problem. No one takes accountability. I don't know if these are just a bunch of entitled debutante whores or if they just grew up in a world where they were never punished for either

lying or stealing or cheating or whatever. Well, what I thought was interesting though, is you're totally right. But what was interesting about this episode is that a little bit later on, Ramona and Sonia got into like a weird tiff because sonja who was like entering this crazy world of delusion where she thinks her sad cabaret act is suddenly in demand in saint-tropez and berlin you know oh my god she's wanted all over the world like i know it's like you know just because they're like some frat boys on some foreign exchange in Berlin who want to have you ironically at their kegger in the middle of Alexanderplatz doesn't mean that you're like internationally into it. They want to dump on your chest. Yeah.

They do. They want to do weird German rituals where they like put mustard on your face and take a dump on your chest and then smoke a cigar. That's what they want to do with you in Berlin. They don't want to watch your stupid ass. What is it? Cabriolesque or whatever? I forget what she calls it. Cabriolesque. Whatever it is. The point is she probably has a friend

who lives in Saint-Tropez. Oh yeah, that's great. You should totally come and do it in Saint-Tropez. Which she has now turned into yeah, they want to book me in Saint-Tropez. It's gotten all around the world, my burlesque thing. I guarantee. With her makeup line and then her toaster ovens and then her clothing line yeah her catering well she is a comedian she's been a comedian for all her life in case you didn't know in case you didn't realize uh she once performed on comic relief she was actually

the fourth co-host as billy billy crystal whoopi goldberg robin williams and sonja morgan that's not fucking true. When did that happen? I have been watching Comic Relief since I was like two years old. I was joking. No, but okay. I'm a comedian too. No.

Okay. Here's what I got to say about that. Sonia Morgan lives in another, I mean, at least I like Sonia because she's just so delusional and nuts. She's harmless. Or she's like, I support myself in a five-story this and that. She's really fucked up in the head and she's crazy. The other ones are like malicious and don't take responsibility.

Give it to Sonia Morgan for her cabriolet and hosting comic relief. Hosting comic relief and being on Showtime at the Apollo. Let's not forget, she was there. She rubbed a little... Wop, wop. Wop, wop. She and Steve Harvey have great chemistry. Yeah, she actually started off as the tap-dancing clown

on the Showtime at the Apollo. And then once Savion Glover took over, she decided to host it instead. She had a killer set on Def Comedy Jam once. She really feels to the urban audience. She opened up for Martin Lawrence. And let me tell you something. If it weren't for her, Martin Lawrence would have no career.

No. And I heard she actually used to write all of Cat Williams' material. You know. They spin in! They spin in! Carlos Mencia owes everything to her. Yeah, and I heard... I actually was at a celebrity golf function with George Lopez,

and he said that Sonia donated her kidney to him and then wrote the show for him. Well, you know, Larry the Cable Guy will not stop singing her praises. I know. I learned everything about comedy from that woman. Yeah. And I also was told that you're not a redneck until,

because that was Sonia Morgan's catchphrase. It was. And you know what? You may not know one. People don't realize this, but the original name for Seinfeld was actually Sonia Feld, but she, uh,

she had to pull out for creative differences. Well, cause I think she was at that time she wrote and created friends cause she's, she's an all around comedy writer. And she really pulled upon her experiences as being the creator of cheers, the, the ghost creator of cheers. But in the meantime, she was starting the food network with her catering company. Yes. Well, you know, I mean, obviously, like, Ina Garten also learned everything from her, too. The Olive Garden. Did you say the Olive Garden? No, I said Ina Garten, but Olive Garden, too.

Actually, what Sonya used to do is she used to go to Olive Garden, perform a five-minute stand-up routine at every table because it used to be back in the day unlimited salad, breadsticks, and comedy. And Sonya would go in and go from table to table until, you know. They would walk up with a pepper grinder and they'd go, pepper or a Sonya Morgan? People are like, I just have a dash of pepper. And it was always some crusty old guy coming from their insurance lunch that would be like, hold the pepper, but we'll take a little bit of Sonya Morgan. Like, that's enough that's enough like it's parmesan cheese here's here's my prediction for next season next season sonia's gonna be busting out a magic act she'll be like well yeah i've always liked magic i've always been

i always liked a lot of magic in the room when i'm there so i thought why not be a magician right have you been to vegas you know that whole chris angel scene you know i'm responsible for that i actually we're friends we used to date i feel like sonia trying to do magic tricks would be the best thing on tv of all time you know she would like try to pull a rabbit out of a hat like and by rabbit and hat you mean pulling out a weird clone of sonia it would be like clonia morgan out of her giant vagina or at least her missing tooth um so anyway what anyway, we've gone wildly off track here, but what I

originally wanted to say when we started talking about Sonia, so she's talking about her cabaret act, and Ramona's expressing concern that Sonia has her hand in a lot of jars, but wearing a lot of hats, whatever the metaphor is, and she's

not really focused and then luann comes over and says oh your cabaret was great i mean it was a little unpolished but it was great so sonia's sonia no she didn't even say it like that she said that you could there were parts that you could polish up but it was really great yeah so sonia of course is very sensitive and she she loses her shit and she starts saying well i could be going to five other parties that with friends i've known longer than you and i have been more fun with meanwhile she's walking around basically in like she has a screen door wrapped around her and she's wearing panties you know she looks ridiculous so yeah it's like she got that in like a chico's sale right i think. So she's going off on Ramona.

And this is an instance where Ramona just stood there fairly silently. And you could tell Ramona was like, this woman's crazy. And what I said was right. But you could see Ramona was keeping her mouth shut because she saw her friend was so mentally unstable that the best thing to do was to say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So that was the one time I feel like we've really seen Ramona bite her tongue. You know what? And the funny thing was, is who was it that came in and was kind of mending it? Was it Aviva? Aviva? Yeah, exactly. I think I texted you when I was watching. I said, you know, it's a bad situation when Aviva is your mediator. Oh my God. It's like, if, if Aviva is the one who's doing the mediation between two already cuckoo crazy pants people, then you know that whole situation is definitely like one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, before we move on from this little party, we have to mention Mario's line, which is the best foreshadowing so far. When he goes, the best cheaters are the ones that don't get caught. I immediately was like, wow. So he just admitted that he cheats on his wife. Yeah, pretty much. It was, you know, I love this show. So, um,

which clearly we know now is the case cause they're not even going to address any of the divorce issues on this season. Yeah. Cause I think it happened after that they were, they were done shooting, right? No, it was, it actually happened like mid season. I was told what they faked it. Oh, wow. I know thinking they would get away with it. You know me with my inside scoop at the magazine. So it's like, it's really kind of gross. Like they faked it because they thought it would

be good for their daughter, Avery, which Avery checked out like three seasons ago. Yeah. I think Avery is going up to college and she's leaving everything else behind. Oh my God. Avery's like, my mother's embarrassing. She's in denial. She's completely crazy. I got to tell you, honestly, I think something's wrong with Ramona, like in a, in a serious sense, not like, Oh, something's wrong with her. She's fucking crazy. No, in real life. I think she is actually such an irritatingly crazy woman that if i had to sit next to her on an airplane i would i would fucking kick out the windows and jump out like i would risk everyone on that plane's life because there's no way i could sit next to her i would rather listen to someone snap their gum for six hours straight or be allowed to or even

like maybe bite their nails or like pick their toenails. This is, this is why Ramona, Sonia and Aviva are the perfect little alliance because all three of them are batshit crazy. Whereas then on the other side, you have Carol, Heather and,

um, Kristen who have their craziness, but they're more or less, they seem like sane, sane women who I think, I think Kristen's, I actually like Kristen the most, but sometimes I think she's really attractive. And other times I don't.

She's like, I think she's attractive all the time. Really? Yeah. I think she's beautiful. She's like Jessica Biel to me. Oh no, I think she's got that like great, like Hamptons, Cape Cod, like natural North Eastern thing that I love so much. Although she was wearing, if I may be a cat that I love so much. Although she was wearing,

if I may be a catty gay here for a moment, she was wearing some crazy lipstick at one of the parties, which I noticed that little clown, little clowny, little clowny and very young girl. It was like wet and wild that she found it like a seven 11. However, she is really beautiful and, and tall and statuesque. And I really feel in my heart that Ramona is jealous of her. Of course. So, um, let's see. So let's go to the other woman, uh, for Heather, her big thing was, Oh, her son. That was really sad. All that stuff about her kid. I mean, I'm glad, I'm glad that they seem to have a good outlook on this ear situation. But you know, that's, you know, I'm famous for well, not really famous, but I am outspoken. I'm out. Thank you. I'm outspoken about how I'm like, Oh, kids are like, so I'm just not a kid person at all. Yeah. But believe it or not, I do have a lot of empathy for a lot of situations involving kids, involving kids. And, um, I just think it's probably, I feel like what Heather's going through with her son must just be so difficult and so hard. And that was, I think, pretty heartbreaking watching her break down on the

beach. It was a real moment. That was a real moment. And I, and the thing is, is it's hard for me to feel a connection to Heather's, you know, persona on TV because she has that weird, creepy, fake smile that where I don't know if that's if she's hiding behind it or if it's like, I don't whatever it is, it freaks the fuck out of me. Yeah. But when she was doing that, I then realized, oh, my God, that really is the way she is because she's talking about her son who almost died and has to go through all this stuff. And that's, that cannot be easy. I don't care if you're, if you like children or don't like children or, or anything, even in what comes to pets. I just feel like when you have a connection and you love something so much and there's nothing you can do to help it, that's a, that you have to be an unemotional person and go, you know what? That is a terrible situation. And I don't, I don't like to watch people be sad in that sense. No, absolutely. Meanwhile, um, in, so I,

I was texting Katie during this episode and I was like, I was like, this is, this episode's hilarious. Everyone's fighting. The only one who hasn't gotten to a fight is Carol. Um, and I literally was like, wait for it, dot, dot, dot. So as we got towards the end of the episode, we had a clam bake, which is funny because it afforded us a moment where Ramona could say, is the ocean sterile?

Is it sterile? I know. And I just, I know she's going, well, you know, I need to wash this glass out. So is this, is this the ocean sterile? Can I put my glass in there is it sterile so forgive me all right whatever whatever i asked a question big deal whatever and it's like shut the fuck up i know ramona so um the so once again there was another

attempt uh to have carol and aviva aviva make a hatchet. So I actually love book eight. So every time they go at it, I actually love it. And I cringe, but I understand that people are getting sick of it. I'm not sick of it. Cause after Ramona whipped out or, um,

Aviva whipped out that book, I, I screamed, I screamed and jumped on my couch, like Tom Cruise on Oprah. Well, so what happened was the two of them go off to a beach blanket and they're like trying to be calm. They're like – well, Aviva is trying to be calm.

Carol is still coming on a little aggressive. But I think Carol had it with that hooker. Absolutely. And Carol is like, what did I say that offended you so deeply that you started to say these lies about me? And Aviva had no real answer. And by the way, side note, I love the little interstitial that showed Carol doing her audio book. And she's narrating it. And her narration was terrible.

She's like, and then the widow said to the man, let's open the door. I was like, oh, my God. And she's like, oh, my God. And she starts laughing. She goes, can i do it again and all i could think of was today i had to read like three pages of dialogue for some confidential apple project and it was impossible to read it was so hard they wanted me to do it 50 different ways and i'm thinking i didn't write this script however carol wrote her own book and probably stood in it for years if not

you know years and years and months and whatever you're assuming she wrote her own book yeah now i'm starting to question it because she couldn't even read her own dialogue i'm just imagining being stuck in the car i love carol but i like she's just not a good narrator and and imagining being stuck in the car for hours for being like, chapter three. So then the widow went up the staircase. It's like, oh, my God. Anyway. And she has that very, like, large-mouthed sound where it's like, that's unbelievable. And then the next thing that happened, they climbed up the stairs.

And you're like, everything is so over- enunciated and large shark mouth i know by the way i love that my version of her book is like a very literal explanation of someone's actions and then she walked up the stairs and then she went in the room actually i wouldn't when she was reading it did you not see it was pretty close to that it's not like you're like stretching far from the truth one of it was like she looked over her shoulder and noticed he was staring directly into her eyes she really needs to fire her ghost rider so um anyway so what i'd love well so they're having this so aviva and carol are trying to clear the air once again and it's calm and what i loved is that the other women were like watching from afar and like okay

everything's fine like no hands are up no hands okay, everything's fine. Like no hands are up. No hands are up. Everything's fine. And then all of a sudden the wind's like, uh-oh, Aviva's counting. When she starts counting, that's bad news. Oh my God. It was so true because Aviva's sitting there like, when she gets mad, the pinky comes out and the ring finger and in the middle of the hair, she's just counting, counting, counting. When does the leg fly off?

I've sent nobody. That's terrible oh you mean in the season yes i thought you meant like she gets so mad she takes off her leg and hurls it into the ocean oh my god i mean i shouldn't laugh about this thing but could you imagine how amazing that would be if you were at the beach with aviva and you're like let's have some wine. And then you're like, fuck, we forgot the glasses. You literally get to be like Aviva.

Let's just pour it into your lake. I'm just impressed that Aviva was so calm for so much of the Clam Bake. I'm shocked that she didn't say that she has some massive phobia about the beach and that there should have been a banner that had been posted on the beach saying, hooray, you made it to the Clambake. You made it. You walked on the beach because there's going to be some horrific childhood memory where she's like, and I was walking on the beach. And then all of a sudden a pigeon shit on my face. Maybe the secret is that a shark bit off her leg, but they used hypnosis to make her believe it was the very small farm machine. Yeah, because, by the way, that farm machine went like half a negative of a millisecond mile an hour.

Yeah, but I'm not sick of my foot in there. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,

especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

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Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And the fact that she has all these fears and phobias, yet she fucking stood in there, that terrified me. Yeah. I'd rather, like, walk on a a tight rope than stick my fingers in that fucking escalator mouth crunching machine it was like saw it was like it was like the upstate new york

version of saw oh my god it was terrifying i was like oh what is this yet she can't even like look out the window of an airplane or look at the ocean or be like look at a window. She has selective phobias. For instance, last season she made a big deal about going into an elevator and this season she got an elevator in her new home. So there you go. Oh my God. You're right. What a total fucking hypocrite. Uh, I never used that word hypocrite ever. Okay. Remote or wait, who was it it was Ramona Ramona yeah you're right all right so let's move on to um Atlanta which was the other big show this is dare I say the biggest show of the week because we finally got to see the big old brawl between Portia and Kenya that's been in the news for so long oh my god the tension of that show I literally was like, I watched it and drank half

a bottle of wine. I was so on edge and nervous. It was like watching a horrible therapy session. Let me, let me tell you something. I believe I said this to you earlier today, or maybe it was last night. Kenya Moore has to realize this. When you shout at someone through a megaphone, a foot away from their face, you got to expect that you can get your weave tugged. Okay. It's just going to happen. When you point your scepter at them multiple times and go, you do not have this. You do not. And you have that arrogance to your voice. Literally the fact that, that, um, Portia held off for, I give it to her. am team fucking porsche all the way

you know all the way i have been enjoying kenya this season but in this situation this is definitely team porsche and what was hilarious to me is that for the past few weeks the stories uh in the news were that like porsche like like beat up kenya like took her by the hair and dragged her across the floor and gave her a beat down. By the way, as fights go, this was very benign. It was a tug on the hair and then they fell over.

Oh my god, she barely tugged her cheap-ass weave. She fell over. Andy Cohen was the worst mediator of all time. I think he practically fell over also. And then Kenya... did you love his fake apology when he went he goes i am so sorry that that happened to you i was that was such a lie he was thinking ratings gold that was my favorite part like these like this bullshit like sequence

where first he like knocks on kenya's door he's like i am so sorry and then he knocks on porsche's door and he's like hey you okay i was. And then he knocks on Porsche's door and he's like, Hey, you okay? I was like expecting him to like knock on the craft service person's door and be like, Hey, I know that was tough to watch. He goes down to like the security guard in front of the lot.

Sorry. I'm so sorry that there was a fight on the lot. He's not, you know what they didn't show is him high-fiving the other producers and the network going ratings jackpot. And then it cuts to Andy Cohen goinghen going i am so sorry and it's like you're come on you're not sorry he's like support she's like you know i guess it's just it's probably a lot for you to take in and maybe you should just go home it's like no it was not

a lot for porsche to take in she had a woman yelling in her face with a megaphone and by the way we have to give a big old laugh to kenya who by the she was like she was like carrot top over there she kept on pulling out props like when oh i remember when the batteries like there was missing a battery i'm like what a skank watch god the worst delivery ever i mean that was like finally can i love how candy and like phagia just like laughing oh my god by the way do you realize that like everyone in my close relationship with me that now watches all these shows because of watch what crap ends cannot realistically, even my mother cannot realistically watch the show without watching candy

bursts and thinking of your impression. See now, right. Right. It was, has seen now batteries in her megaphone, but I'm like, mama, mama, this isn't going to be in the play.

I didn't put the megaphone in the play, Mama. C-NOW, Riley. C-NOW. C-NOW. Do the growl. Do the growl. C-NOW. Riley.

C-NOW. Riley has her megaphone. But, like, Mama's like, don't lose the megaphone in the prenup. We're talking. By the way, I can't wait for next week because it talks like Mama Joyce finally gets called out by Andy Cohen. I'm so excited. Let's see. So what else happened on this?

So obviously, symphony. A symphony. I know. Can we talk about Nini? Nini symphony a symphony i know let's talk about wait can we talk about nini nini is such symphony cynthia and nini it's like a blend it's like it's like their celebrity name is cynthia cynthia um cynthia and nina are clearly not friends and don't even fucking speak anymore yeah well that's you know what? This is Nini's fault because I think Cynthia is boring as hell, but at least she seems like a somewhat nice person.

But she's so pretty. Keep her on the phone so I can at least look at her pretty face and be reminded what a classy African-American woman is because the other hookers are putting it to shame. I know. I've been saying this for a while now

that bravo is great at like making everyone racist because they really present the worst of like every race and religion and sexual orientation yeah shahs of sunset gay guys on on a millionaire whatever the million anything anything and every day on bravo is terrible. It's like the worst you could possibly get. And like, I don't get who's running the network there because I hope that there's no African-American people that work there, black people, whatever, because I think like they really do make black women look like all they do is fucking bitch at each other,

talk shit, do nothing all day. And I have black friends and I'm sorry, it's offensive. It's really shit. I love that you just said, I have black friends. I do. And it's like, we all always discuss it. It's like, I don't want to look like Brandy Glanville where it's like, I have black friends. No, you don't. Cause you would never say the things that you said. If you really, it's like making fun of anyone, Asian people, black people, Indian people, there's just no need to do it unless you really see a difference. By the way, Asian people are the only ones who have gotten out of this scot-free because Bravo

has yet to shine their magnifying glass on, on Asian people and, and like provide like the worst stereotypes ever. But, um, anyway, so let's go back. I want to go talk about Nini though. So, okay. So yeah yeah she was shady she was bitchy the whole fucking episode and the past few reunions she's been like that but she's really acting like that and she's got to take that scepter out of her ass she takes kenya's scepter out of her ass because she she is no longer the only queen there as much as we are on porsche's side kenya is like as i would say as much of a star of this show as nini is at this moment i think nini is disposable now and she doesn't realize

that nini thinks that she's the shit she is so cold and frosty i forget what andy called her out about or she had someone he read someone's like like question that was and and nini nini laughed it off yeah no it basically said like so you're not doing this show you're not doing that show and you turn down candy's saying oh uh like i would do a candy burris production i turn down blah blah blah and i i'm gonna go from the guy who created Glee to her isn't that being like something that really means your friend she goes no but

she there was something else that someone called her out about something and she like laughs I guess they can think that the sandwich when she said that that Nini said to Candy Burrs, well, she doesn't need to be eating sandwiches anyway.

Yeah. And they said, don't you think that that's bad that you're calling her out when you're not, you know, whatever? And she goes, no. And her same little bitchy ass laugh, and it's like, wow, way to alienate everyone and have no one be on your side. Oh, her fans saying when she doesn't even say hello

to her fans yes that's right well you know the the funny thing is that nini she's always by the end of every season she's got such a bitch face on and she's such a bitch and then she realizes how badly she came off so then so then the next season the first half she's always like funny and you're like oh good old nini's back but then her sourpuss ways come out again because she can only fake it for so long. And it's like the same cycle. And I'm like, I'm a little sick of Nini. Like I, you know, she, she. Nini's gots to go.

She's like Gretchen Christine, plugging all her crap. And I mean, enough with the housewives wearing. Oh, that's like the guy from Real Housewives of New York. Enough with the housewives wearing – oh, that's like the guy from Real Housewives of New York, the husband of Kristen, wearing his energy drink fucking vitamin packet water shirt and hat on every single episode. It's irritating. Nini, I think it's time – I'm going to go out there, and this is crazy, but I think it's time for Nini to go. She gives funny interviews. Her interviews are almost unparalleled.

I mean she gives great one-liners, but it's not enough. It's not enough anymore. Because you know what? Phaedra gives great interviews, too. She gives excellent ones. She has the funniest shit to say. Oh, I love Phaedra. Remember when she said, I would rather blah, blah, blah than Porsche taking a test

or whatever Porsche take in the SATs or something like that I don't you know the thing is I can never remember the lines because there's so many great one-liners that I just I can't I can't even remember them all oh I love love love Porsche she can't go away she's pretty and dumb and everything that makes for a great reality TV. I know. And I loved how after she like tugged on Kenya's weave, she then like, was like, had like this panic attack on the floor,

but it was like, I liked that her sentiment was like, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. It's like, thank God, thank God you're embarrassed because even though it really wasn't your fault, Portia,

it's nice to see that someone on this show has an ounce of shame in them. Yeah, but I actually felt I really did. I'm not kidding. When I saw her on the floor and she kicked the floor as hard as she could with her heels on. Yeah. I knew she genuinely was so pissed. And my favorite line of the night, and I will state this. This is one of my faves of all time for Real Housewives is,

I can't believe that that ratchet hoe made me go there. I mean, winning statement of the night. It's sort of like, it's like a mantra that we could all live by. You're right. I can't believe that ratchet hoe made me go there. Wait, so you have to remind me what else happened because I watched this on Sunday, but for some reason I can't remember anything because I think I was like tired. Sometimes when I'm tired, I don't retain things in my brain. You know what? I totally hear you. And

I retained it all because I watched it last night and I was just like dying. That's why I was like texting like a crazy woman. So one of the other things that happened was um they discussed candy's wedding they discussed um portia um and uh the i guess kenya like accused her of cheating oh yeah and that's when everything started fucking that like she lit the fire and it was like pretty much over at that sense. Yeah. And she's like – She loves to say crazy shit at the reunion. You know, last season she implied that Apollo had AIDS. I mean she really – she says things.

And then what was the other thing she said that was – that she said something that someone said was below the belt? Oh, when – no. She said – Oh, she said that Phaedra said was below the belt. Oh, when, no, she said. Oh, she said that Phaedra said something below the belt. Yeah, she's like, you know, that's really below the belt. Because she said that she had scrambled eggs. Yeah, which is still, it's mean, but it's hilarious. And what I like is that, like, Phaedra is, like, saying, no, no, no, like, I wasn't hitting below the belt.

And then Kenya's being obnoxious. And then Phaedra's being like, whatever, you're not a mother and you'll never be one. Yeah. It's the thing. Nobody wants to go there. Nobody in life really wants to subject themselves to be like ghetto or whatever. But the thing is, is Kenya's one of those people, and I know people like this, that are provokers. They test the waters.

They test the waters. They test the waters. And then when they get burned, they're like, oh, why would she do that? When she actually said last night, why would she do that? I'm like, because you kept pointing your fucking scepter at her face. And then finally, after the

third time, why did Cynthia not push the megaphone away? Cynthia, she's a giant wallflower. That's why. Really? She doesn't do anything. She would never push it away because she doesn't even have that thought. By the way, do you know if Bar One is still open or did they lose their lease? I'm sure they lost it because if there's anything we know about Peter,

oh, well, you know Peter, he cannot give us finances. Oh, well, you know Bar One. Well, you know, bar one. Oh, you know, Peter. Oh, I miss Miami. I know. We may never see it again. Wait, is it not coming back? Well, it wasn't.

It didn't get the official. It didn't get an official pickup. And I saw Ronnie and I actually went to Leah's house a few weeks ago. And she was like, I haven't heard anything yet. Oh my God. Wait, which, which house out here?

Yeah. You know, she has a house here in the Hills. She had a little party. It was nice. It was fun. It was like Jenny Poulos was there and Lance and Lance Bass. It was okay.

Thanks for the invite. I'll make sure I don't invite you to my wedding now. Next time. You know what? You know what? I think you two would, you would hit it off. So I will definitely, um, I think so too, but you know what? I'll remember that when baby faces singing, um, if I could change the world and Lionel Richie singing lady and you're

at home and I'm texting you about how fabulous my party is. I'll remember that Ben Mendelker. Fine. Fine. Lady. Hey, what are you doing right now? Watching recaps on stupid Bravo? Or are you at my wedding listening to Lionel Richie sing under a hundred-year-old oak tree with hanging chandeliers? You're welcome. I can't believe this ratchet hoe is making me go there. Yeah.

So anyway, why don't we move on? Is there anything else that was major that I'm'm missing or can we go on to Orange County? Let me think. The reunion, I think just waiting for next week when Mama Joyce comes on. Yeah, that'll be good. Yeah, but otherwise it was shade between Cynthia and – NeNe. NeNe.

They weren't even talking. NeNe was being a complete see you next Tuesday. Yeah. A Malibu country. She wasn't even – She wasn't even talking to anyone. Andy had to pull shit out of her. Yeah. Candy was being, I thought candy looked great. It was being cute, very supportive in her house slippers running after Portia. I just, I was kind of a mess. Honestly, it was really messy. I felt like I wanted to dip everything in ranch, drink wine, and then take a bath in bleach.

Well, that's what I do every night. Speaking of Malibu country, why don't we move on to Orange County where Malibu country did rear its head yet again. And it's like, that show is it, did it get picked up or did they just keep bringing up a non-existent show? It just, it feels like it's been on syndication because it gets mentioned so many times so it's like elf yeah so you know there's a lot of stuff that happened um on this episode but what i really want to talk about and i think really what we have to the only thing that's really worth mentioning is this new lady um shannon who i kind of love her because she's crazy. Wait, Feng Shui Shannon? What? Feng Shui Shannon. Feng Shui Shannon with jewels in her teeth. Because on the one hand,

there's something about her that I do find oddly relatable that I'd like. She says things that I'm like, yes, yes, you're right. That's good. And then she says- Yes. And then she blows it by doing something completely crazy, like saying she buried diamonds in the foundation of her house and crystals. Oh, she's like crazy worse because of these also looks the part where they're weird facial beads and whatever happens. Great. She looks exotic. And like, I would believe her diamond water. Yeah.

Crazy orange County lady just looks like crazy orange county lady she does and i love that like on the one hand she is like uppity and snobby in a way that i like where she's like well i'm sending my daughters to cotillion because i think there's a place for good manners in this world and i'm like yes yes lady in orange county someone needs to have some manners you know yeah when everyone's like all these kids are spoiled and my kids need to learn the value of making money and then cut to mommy i want an iphone and she's like, all these kids are spoiled and my kids need to learn the value of making money. And then cut to mommy, I want an iPhone. And she's like, okay, honey. Yeah. And I, you know, I thought it was like funny. I liked when she was like, well, you know, on the one hand, I want to live in like a eco-friendly place. So it's like clean and healthy. And the other hand,

other hand, I drive an Escalade. I make no sense. I'm like, yes, thank you. Like that's all I need is for these women to admit. They make no sense. Yes, but I like that. She's like Alexis Couture. Yes, but at the same time, she is so crazy. And it's hilarious how she gets so fussy about things. The lemons? Oh, my God.

Or how about nine lemons at any given time in her basket in the kitchen? I told you this. I told you it's fun shwank you know that there needs to be seven lemons and then he's like what the fuck are you talking about i know or how about when they're like menu planning for the dinner party on the one hand i feel like i could like hang with her and just be like yes let's talk about the menu she's like well we're gonna make the beef because everyone loves my beef and it's good and i don't care what you say he's like well beef's a little heavy he's like, well, we're going to make the beef because everyone loves my beef and it's good. And I don't care what you say. He's like, well, beef's a little heavy. He's like, it's not heavy. It's beef with a vegetable.

And well, there'll be potatoes. Well, I have to make my potatoes with the goat cheese, but beef with potatoes, the goat cheese and a vegetable and a salad. I don't see what the big deal is. Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, my God. She is totally crazy. Deranged, you know? And then I love the way she just airs her dirty laundry whenever she can. And she's like, why does she talk shit about her husband? That's terrible. They'll be,

they'll be out somewhere being like, Oh, did you, uh, did you see the new James Bond? And she's like, well, I think my husband's a secret agent. Cause I never see him. I never spent any time with him. Yeah. Oh my God. Or at the dinner, by the way way how awkward was it when she screamed out oh my god wait can we just talk about how mean vicky gundelson's son is to her oh you know what he he's allowed he's allowed he's had to put up with a lot in his life he's has a vicky as his mother really because he could not have vicky he could have laurie as his mother listen he you know he he's he's I don't think he's really mean. I think he's just droll.

He's no Shane Keogh. Remember Shane? Oh my god. That's an asshole. That is an asshole. I think I saw him working at some weird bar out here. Yeah, well, I thought he was... He's supposedly in LA trying to pursue his dream of acting, which is hilarious. some weird bar out here. Yeah. Well, uh, I thought he was, he's,

he's supposedly in LA trying to pursue his dream of acting, which is hilarious. Wait a second. No, he's not. He is an actor. Yes. I can't wait to see what soft core porn he does on the showtime.

He's going to be like, Hey, they called me in for Malibu country. Oh my God. No, it's going to be some weird baseball porno. Uh, I would watch that. Like, like batters up he could do a porno with that girl from laguna beach who went into porn wait who's that um she

was from season three which is the one that no one really watched and she wasn't even a main cast member she was like a supporting one who came in here and there uh uh aubrey uh audra what's her name it was none of those um i didn't watch it so i've never seen one episode audrey what's her name no it's yeah adrina no that's the hills no no anyway the point is this this new woman what i also like about this new woman this crazy new shannon lady is it's clear that she and Heather are going to hate each other soon because there was that dinner. Oh, my God, Heather. And when Shannon goes, when Heather was speaking, a little red flag went up. I thought she has a lot of opinions.

I was like, oh, it begins. Oh, I know. And this is what this is. Episode two. And you know, actually, I feel like Shannon would be a very, she'd be a good rival for Heather because I think she would step up to Heather and she'd be able to match up. Because she's rich and has a coat check. But no motorcade. Oh, yeah.

It's like, oh, my God, they don't have a motorcade? No. It's so funny you said that. We're the only people in this neighborhood with a motorcade. Like, who the fuck cares about a motorcade? What do you even park there? What do you park in your fucking stagecoach? Are you having the president of Ghana drive up to visit?

I know, with lions? I mean, what is this, coming to America? I have to say, I did find myself getting oddly entrenched in the potato drama when the potatoes were not ready she's like they're not cooked oh my god i have to microwave them i'm like what do you mean what's wrong with that that's how i cook potatoes the potatoes are crunchy potatoes here's the thing she's making fun of the microwave and i was like i liked her in the beginning but then i was like oh my god that's how i cook what's wrong with the fucking microwave god you uppity

bitch i wish i wish i had taken notes of all the funny things she said because she just would it's like it's not that she just gets like pissed or annoyed it's like you can see that she's like rattled by things like you know when people aren't on time she's like you can see that she's rattled by things. When people are on time, she's like, I don't understand the point of it. I have these kids that have to go to Cotillion and they're not ready for me. She doesn't understand how her potatoes could be undercooked and how the

soup could not be ready and how her husband could only buy two bottles of wine, which is crazy. It was clearly passive-aggressive for him. You know what? I think he did it on purpose. I think she, first of all, she's the bride winner. Yeah. Well, she's like an heiress. Well, on top of that, by the way, if I may turn my nose up, if you've got as much money to have your own co-check, et cetera, you should have so many bottles of wine in your little wine cellar

that are just there at any given time for emergencies that you shouldn't have to send your husband out to, uh, to get like two or three bottles of wine. You should have like 20. Yeah. You've got a basketball court downstairs. Then you should at least have a wine cellar with some bottles. I mean, I don't have to have them because I'm poor and I'm looking at my wine rack right now and it's empty, but that's because I'm me and I don't have a basketball court in my apartment. Listen, I don't have a basketball court. But you can come to anywhere where I make ground. Like even my closet has a wine bar. And a coat check.

It does. I mean, look at you came to my office today, so you know. Yeah. Katie had like five bottles of wine there. I mean, look, it has to be. I have five bottles of wine for two people. Now imagine if I was having a dinner with a bunch of drunkards like Vicki Gundleson and Tamara Barney. I mean, two bottles of wine. I love when Shannon – again, another like first world problem.

She was like, if the blowtorch, what do they call it? Oh my God. She's going crazy. The creme brulee. She's like, if the creme brulee torch isn't working, I'm going to lose my shit. I was like, this woman is so crazy. But I'm like, I love the things that she's complaining about. But whatever happened to the new one?

I thought we're going to see her. You know what? Because Shannon's so crazy that they can't even they they have to like stagger them it seems like because the new one hasn't i don't even know where she is she keeps appearing in the credits i know and i saw her in the beginning where her stupid statement and then i was like by the way what is shannon's statement do you know it's probably like i'm so hot you can i can torch a creme brulee. No, I bet it's something like this, where she turns around and she goes, some people call me crazy, but I call it, it's got to be something like that.

Like a Vicki Gundelson meets Tamara Barney meets Ramona Singer, old Alexis. I always have seven lemons in the baskets and two eyes on the prize. Yeah, or something dumb like that. The only diamond, or I have more diamonds than on just my finger. They're buried under my house. You know what I like about Shannon? I actually don't feel like she's being faked for the camera. I don't feel like she's like some of these other airheads that have come through i feel like she truly is

a woman with so much time and money on her hands that she can't help but do crazy stupid things you know like even more so than the other women we've seen like she has no there's no she's not trying to sell a fashion line she's not trying to make toasters she's just like i have a lot of money and I'm going to spend it on crystals in my mouth and energy readings on my liver. And that's that. And I'm going to get paranoid about things like creme brulee torches. Cause this is what my life is all about. Oh my God. You're right. But that's the thing. I actually felt kind of bad for her. Cause I'm like, she, she's letting the whole world know all the stuff up front. I mean,

what is really, if this is what it's giving us in episode two, can you imagine what's to come of the season? I feel like it's going to be Heather Dubrow and Shannon battling it out. Absolutely. I'm, I'm ready. I'm ready for it. Cause she, and she's so mean to her husband, both of them. Actually, both of them are mean to their husbands. They really are. The only thing that would prevent a big fight from happening would be if Heather gets called back for yet another role on Hawaii Five-0,

which is this year's Malibu Country. Oh, my God. And P.S., can we just talk about Terry calling his three-year-old daughter a bitch? I'm like – That's – yeah. What do you – I mean I'm not particular to children as much. But I love them and I'll be around them and that's great. However, really calling a three-year-old a bitch, maybe it's your parenting.

On TV too. Like I wouldn't even – like i can see oddly enough i can see if you're with some friends and you decide to make just like a really crass like tasteless joke but really about a child like a child but on on tv your own child it's it's a little it's a little much i mean no motorcades can take away that damage exactly he already talked about divorce he talked about other stuff. And now he called his three-year-old little toddling cutie daughter a bitch. So at this point, I kind of feel like they – are they going to build their house like poltergeist style on an Indian burial ground?

Probably, except the ghosts are going to see Heather and run away. Oh, my God. The clowns are going to be out of the bed and run away. They are actually the realm. She's going to reach into a closet and pull out the little blonde girl. The little blonde girl's like, take me back. I want to go back to my house on the other side with Jo Beth Williams. Okay.

I bet you this. The clown that hides under the bed is going to climb up and look at Heather's cheekbones and go, oh my God, those cheekbones are higher than mine. And then crawl back under the bed. I think the clown under the bed is Coco. Oh, Colette. Colette. That is actually a terrible, you know what?

I'm going to have to like take now like some sort of ambient because the fact that you just told me that's going to freak me out. Well, maybe it's Heather. I mean, Heather does look like the sort of thing that would be under a bed. Well, because she has the jigsaw face face yes she has like the guy from saw she's like jigsaw meets the evil queen in um like and some like sleeping beauty or snow white yeah she's like mal mal malificent meets um jigsaw malibu efficient scent country meets the clown under the bed from poltergeist. I mean,

there you go. Yet she claims she had never any work done. I know. Um, meanwhile, let's see Tamara. She wants to have a kid with Eddie, which is kind of crazy.

Is it? She like 50 and she got, she has a tubes tied, right? I don't know what's going on. I don't care, but she's, she's almost 50. That's the weird thing. She's she's like oh we're both in our 40s it's like

when you say that's like me saying i'm in my 30s i'm 36 but i'm closer now with age wise to 40 but i mean well i don't know i guess if i was 38 i'd be like well i'm in my 30s but it's not like i'm 31 listen it's tamra she's very stupid um whether how much plugging of cut fitness do we have to see too uh a real cut fitness malibu cut tree malibu cut fitness um i'm trying to think what other ladies well you know vicky liked shannon which was is also unexpected. I guess nothing really else happened. I think this episode was pretty much the Shannon show. I mean, what other women are there? I mean, there's Heather.

There's Shannon. There's Vicky. Vicky went to therapy to talk more about Brooks and Brianna, which is like the same old bullshit. Oh, my God, enough. Is Brooks going to come back on? Because if he's going to make appearances, he's going to remind me of Slade. Brooks is the new Slade. Yeah. Brooks is, he's terrible. Um, I think that's, I think we've pretty much covered it. And if we haven't, that's too bad because I'm going to, I'm going to pull the plug on this

podcast episode because it's one 27 in the morning and I still have work to do. And I got to drive to Arizona in the morning. Oh my God. I have to tell you, I'm so glad we covered all of our bases. Everyone, it's because of Katie, because Katie called up, as you mentioned, she called up yesterday and was like, oh my God, you have to talk about these shows. And I was like, well, I honestly, Ronnie can't do it this week and I don't think I have time to do a podcast. And Katie is like, no, you have to carve out one hour of time. I mean, how could you not do that? You're right.

You're right. Okay. This is, I'm just going to make this statement and I don't want to sound like Ramona Singer when she says, move over, Kristen, you're not the only mommy who can model. Remember when she did that and it was like so scripted and contrived. I just want to say thank you for letting me come on and do this because I was so into it this whole week. Like I've been like going crazy with watching these shows and people need to hear your voice. Thank you.

I think people need to hear my voice too. Well, I agree. Listen, you haven't talked in third. You are not a Housewives fan if you haven't referred to yourself in third person. Well, Ben feels the same way. Well, you haven't referred to yourself in third person. Well, Ben feels the same way. Well, you know, it ain't a Katie thing if Katie's not involved. So

I'm feeling a little off Katie today. Well, I hope you all are enjoying hearing our voices, whether you're here in Los Angeles or, I don't know, in the Hamptons or up in San Francisco. I hope you're... Anywhere in between. Anywhere in between. Specifically the in between, anywhere in between specifically the in-between places. I like the in-between place.

It's always cozy. You're there. Oklahoma. Unlike Vicki, I am open to Oklahoma listeners. That's right. And I love Norman, Oklahoma.

I had a fun time there. So go. Yay. All right. So Katie, thank you so much for coming on and making sure this episode happens tonight. Everyone follow Katie on Twitter and other platforms at The Painted Nail, although on Facebook she's official Katie Cazorla. I'm bsideblog on Twitter and on Instagram and on Vine. I have been holding steady with my Twitter numbers at around like 5,600 for I think about a year.

So I would like to – Let's get that higher. Get that higher. Come on. Follow Ben. I don't know what it's going to take. On my other podcast, The Banter Blender, I complained extensively about my Twitter situation and I talked about how Tawny Katayan unfollowed me and I wondered what I could have possibly said to make Tawny Katayan unfollow me. So be sure to check out my other podcast,

The Banter Blender, which is on iTunes. Do a search for it. What else do I have to hawk? Facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends and follow me, B-Side Blog. Thank you everyone for listening. Hopefully Ronnie and I will be reunited next week.

If not, someone will be here. Reunited and it feels so good. Oh, good. Oh my god. Candy Burris vibrato. Reunited and it feels like

Riley, Riley nighted. Oh mama, mama Rally, and I got Be knotted That is amazing. That's like Terry Fader from America's Got Talent. Well, I am going to audition with my candy bear's voice and see how far I get.

So impressed. Okay. Thanks, Katie, and thanks, everyone. Good night. Good night. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you.

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