Watch What Crappens - #128: I Shoulda Did

Episode Date: May 21, 2014

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) tag team the Ramonavention on Real Housewives of New York, Heavenly's gigantic fur that God told her was totally ok to wear on Married to Medicine, and the idiotic, desperate leech husbands of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Spoiler alert: Philosophical is a big word, you guys. Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ends 295 because it's $2.95 for whatever you're going to buy. Well, it has to be a new.com or transfer. I just got that. I'm glad you explained it. So original. Why don't you just start a website about how original that deal is? So everyone, godaddy.com WWC2952.95,

and you get a new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95. Hey everyone, Oh, when you watch me crap, Ronnie. How are you today? You know, I'm much better now that I hear your glorious voice over there on the other side of the world. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. I'm so glad I could bring that happiness and joy into your life. Thank you. You're welcome. So you can find Ben at b-sideblog.com or on any social media network at bsideblog.

Yeah. Myself, Ronnie Caram, or me, I guess would be the proper usage. I've been watching way too much Housewives. You can find me on Twitter at Ronnie Caram or my website at Trash Tweet TV for fresh recap updates. Or you can find me on Tumblr at Trash Talk TV Recaps. Or, I mean, really, who cares where else? Yeah. As long as you go to TrashTalkTV.com, you can find out where he is on all his social media networks.

Because I'm sure there are links there. Yeah, so that's a good point. I'm doing Survivor in two minutes videos. My last one is tonight. And it's going to be a three-hour episode. So I'm really excited about that. I've been dreading it all week. It's like homework when you don't do your homework

and you're like, oh. But I haven't missed my homework because it's tonight. So wish me luck and hope I don't kill myself. I'm so sorry because it's such a great season and I'm sorry that going into this finale there's a element of dread in it for you because there's nothing but excitement and I am excited it has

been such a fun season but that is a lot to do in two minutes three hours I'm not sure how I'm gonna do that so I'll worry about that later on and on housewives our all right right now we're all about Bravo. Okay, so Ben, let's talk about some gossip. Do you have any? Yeah. I mean, I don't know if I have any Bravo gossip. I can tell you that I know who hooked up with who this weekend. No.

I actually don't know any Bravo gossip. What gossip do you know? I don't think there is any, really. There is this new Bravo, Summer by Bravo thingvo thing which is really stupid i still haven't seen it yet you know if you want to know uh gossip you can do what i'm doing which is going to our facebook page which is facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends and there is so much stuff on here i'm sure some of our readers or our listeners have have posted some good gossip. In fact, I already see people say, have you seen this? Go ahead and read it, Liam, because I'm on here and I don't see much.

Ramona is coasting on Bethany. Okay, whatevs. Yeah. Sorry. That was not a yes and moment. Gossip's already done. Well, there's this thing. I think we talked done with that. So, gossip's already done. Well, there's this thing. I think we talked about this last week, but that thing about Bravo only giving the women eight-episode contracts from now on.

Yeah. Where they have to – did we talk about that last week? Yeah, where they have to – basically, if they aren't playing ball, they're going to get dropped midseason. Yeah, I don't think that's a very good idea. I think it's going to introduce a lot of violence into the shows. Yeah, well, it's a circus, and it always has been, and it'll just be more of a circus. More importantly is that Gretchen Christine Butte,

or Gretchen Rossi, has become a ginger. Thanks to Cindy C. for posting these new images of Gretchen with reddish-brown hair. It doesn't look right on her, I have to say. I do not approve. I don't approve either. And you know what? Blonde hair didn't necessarily look right on her either.

I know. So I'm not really sure. Catherine Draper does say she looks 100% better. So I guess we are in a little bit of a fight, Catherine. Yeah, we're fighting. Don't call us. Stop calling us, Catherine. We're done.

You know, I went into HomeGoods on Monday and there were so many roosters. I actually took some photos and forgot to put them on the Facebook page, but it really reminded me of Gretchen. Yeah. I saw an Abby waiter. That's a huge gay bar here, you guys.

And apparently their logo is a Florida lease. Did you know that? Oh, I didn't realize that. I don't think I've ever really noticed that until I saw this like six foot four muscle guy with a butt like a basketball walking down the street. And of course I stared at him because he was like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. And I was like, wow, I read. I like to read. And so I looked at his big bubble butt and on the back of his shirt was that glitter Florida Leaves.

And I was like, oh, my God, the Abbey, Gretby gretchen what what and the worlds collided and my head crashed isn't it isn't it sad that we have these triggers now they are triggers every time i go into ross dress for less i feel sad i'm like oh poor gretchen listen don't feel sad well don't feel sad. Well, don't feel sad for her. She is probably roaming the aisles of many a TJ Maxx and Hobby Lobby's and who knows what, finding all sorts of trinkets for her house. And I'm sure nothing brings her more joy than that. Oh, thanks. Thanks for making the better. Yeah. I like to look on the bright side.

Okay. So F all that BS. Okay. That was a lot of non-cursing, guys. You're welcome if you're driving in the car with your children. BS. Okay. That was a lot of non-cursing, guys. You're welcome if you're driving in the car with your children. Yeah. Okay. So let's start with Married to Medicines.

Okay. Okay. Married to Medicine. Why? Why Married to Medicine? What's going on on this show, Ben? You start. Okay.

Here's all we have to know about Married to Medicine. This is going to be a simultaneous, this will simultaneously be a plug for marriage medicine and for my vine because i was watching it this morning and the things that these people say i recorded two of them on vine you know you can only i mean these are just two quotes out of many many many these women know how to give great sound bites even when they're not even giving sound bitesites. This is Quad just saying, girl. I mean, I could listen to it all day long. And then she has this friend who gives this shady... That's why you watch Marriage Madison, because really nothing is happening.

Except the only big thing that happened on this episode was that there was a cancer fashion show. I mean, a fashion show to raise breast cancer awareness. And, of course, Toya did not show up in pink. She's like, I have came here every single time. I didn't know there was pink for breast cancer. How come she has so many times the paint like cancer um how does she not know that pink stands for awareness well it's like one of my i never heard anything like that from the kazaar because i have cancer well what i should have did was wear light blue because i like light blue and that makes me think of pink and pink is like breast cancer awareness.

She was wearing glitter pants that were, like, tan-colored, and then she was wearing, like, a gold-colored top, which doesn't match tan-colored. Shockingly, you'd think it would. And then she was wearing a red and black jacket. That's just how I wear my clothes. Like, I'm sorry. That's how I do it. It's like how I pronounce, like, kazaa. I'm sorry. That's just the I wear my clothes. Like, I'm sorry. That's how I do it. It's like how I pronounce like, I'm sorry. That's just the way I pronounce it.

I'm sorry. I don't have anybody to donate to breast cancer awareness because I spent it all on this book by channel. But I'm going to donate this channel book to you. Okay. I'm sorry. I know. I know this is for women who can't read, but here it is. Anyway, it's lots of pictures.

I just spent $20,000 of Eugene's money to buy a fire pit for the backyard, but it's also a play of piano, too, so it plays music, and you can roast marshmallows on it. So I can't donate to Cancer Awareness. I would like to give a speech about Cancer Awareness. I'm sorry to all the ladies who have cancer in the boobies because it means they don't have a way to get money from their husbands so bad cancer stop what boobies what you should have did is instead of getting breast cancer you should have gone you should have gone and bought uh a couch that's made of vinyl on one side and silk on the other. And it's filled with peanuts.

Less cancer, more couches. Less cancer, more couches. I'm going to have a fashion show that's called More couch i mean more council more couches less cancers see like i have came here to tell you all that in my new house what i'm gonna do is have a couch that never ends like it starts in the living room and it just keeps on going along the wall into the dining room and into the kitchen and do the bathroom and do the hallway and back in the living room again and not use up all my cancer donation money sorry I'd like to know how come we have a charities for cancers because being a cancer isn't a victim. It's just what time you was born.

You know what you should have did was instead of getting cancer, what you should have did was go buy an umbrella for your dog and maybe that would have that would have stopped it every time you say what you should have did i start cracking up well what you should have did what you should have did was not get cancer but um you know uh you have you should have came here and like you know if you saw like a couch or a chair, you should have just, you should have bought that. And then just like said, hey, Eugene, like I bought a chair. And then no cancer. Oh, my God. That poor, poor woman.

She's so stupid. Okay. So starting from the beginning, we started with this hair restoration. Okay. Hair restoration is not for when you're already almost completely bald. That is for when your hairlines are seeding and you're like,

oh, well maybe I'll put a few follicles up there. That man is getting hair reforestation. That is a lot of hair. There is not enough hair on the back of his head to cover the top of his head thoughts yeah uh thoughts um yes my thoughts are agreed i think he's gonna wind up

looking like some strange b movie from the 60s like the toupee that ate my soul or something like that like you know the hair on his head he comes from a serial killer and he's gonna like wake up in the middle of the night and like go like attack mariah let's hope so jesus that would be a happy ending to this sad story she's like baby you need to get your hair done i don't like looking at that hair and it's disgusting excuse me that is so rude first of all this man pays for everything and he has to look at that face it It's not like you're going to do anything about your face. And then you force him to go get surgery and he's screaming. He's not only

screaming, he's screaming like ahhhhhh! Poor guy. All of his manhood has leaked out all over. Meanwhile, in other hair news, Lucy showed off her new weave and uh it was sort of like what i like to call from the witness protection collection it's the sort of wig

you put on when you're running from the law you know you got the big shades that's like one of those wigs on pretty little liars when they're doing something undercover it's like i'm totally different now i'm wearing a wig and it's like you know huge it's like yeah it's like, I'm totally different now. I'm wearing a wig. And it's like, you know, huge. It's like she had a really ill-advised attempt to create Amelie. It just went awry. Well, that hair is so young. And then that face. It's like if Pearl from 227 ate a lemon, got punched in the face, and then didn't drink water for like 10 years. And then put on big goofy spectacles.

Yes. And then put on spectacles like the girl from Scooby-Doo. What's her name? Yeah. Linda Cardellini. I don't remember what the – I don't know what the cartoon's name was. But Linda Cardellini played her. Yeah.

So we got to see that beautiful, beautiful wig. I do like the idea of Lucy. But Linda Cardellini played her. Yeah, so we got to see that beautiful, beautiful wig. I do like the idea of Lucy. I do like the idea of people being like, hey, Lucy, what was your inspiration? Linda Cardellini. Were we talking about Linda Cardellini last week on the podcast? I feel like I was just talking about her on some podcast. Not this one.

That must have been your other one. Well, I didn't record it last week. I need to record it this week. I need to record it this week. I don't even have a guest. I'm so lazy. Maybe I'll call Linda Cardellini. Hey, if anyone wants to hear what Linda Cardellini has to say about Lucy stealing her look, come listen to the Banjo Blender tomorrow. Could you imagine if I actually tweeted her and be like, hey, you want to talk about your look?

You might as well. She probably would. I know. Well, she looked – I actually really liked the way she looked in Mad Men last season. One thing that Twitter has taught me is that celebrities are pretty sad, especially at the level we talk about. They'll do anything. All right.

So I'm going to hit up Linda Cardellini and see what happens. Okay. I'll hit up Pearl from 227. The ghost of Pearl. The ghost of – Don't tell me she's dead. Oh, I'll hit up Pearl from 227. The ghost of Pearl. The ghost of Pearl. Don't tell me she's dead. Oh, she died a long time ago. No!

Hell yeah, like maybe like 99 or 2001. I was hoping she was pulling the Golden Girls and she was actually the youngest one in the cast. She might have been at one point. Who knows? I just remember one time she appeared on Conan and he asked her something about weed and she goes, oh, I love the reefer.

It's a classic Conan moment in his first five years. Anywho. Okay, can I ask you a very important question I have about marriage medicine? Yeah. So there's this quad character, okay, that we all love or whatever because she keeps saying over and over how fabulous she is. And we're like, okay, we believe you because you keep saying it over and over okay guys what the fuck is quad saying ever she doesn't even make one sentence that makes any sense she's we make fun of mariah for being stupid but all quad really does is say things and okay she reminds me of my pet peeve about gay guys.

Specifically drag queens. Where they don't say anything funny. They just say it in a really gay voice and then people laugh because they're like, ha ha, he's gay. For example, like, girl, I don't know what you're wearing, but I think that that's something. And people are like, ha ha ha that drag queen. That's the kind of dress

that said that. That's hilarious. That's how I'm starting to feel about Quad. I don't even know what she's fucking saying anymore. I am giving you magic right now. I am giving you realness right now. And if you think about it, it's like, well, that's not really that funny. I don't know, though. You know what?

I have to say, that's one of my pet peeves also. But Quad, she sells it for me. I can't believe it. But she does sell it for me. Because nothing she says really is that funny. Every now and then, there's something funny. But I don don't know i don't even know what she's saying and i'm just realizing right now that i don't know what she's saying it's like i've been tricked this whole time so this week she had this sequence where she was trying on all these dresses you know like

all these dresses she was gonna get i loved um which was hilarious because her gay in this scene was a light-skinned black guy and bravo does not know how to light black people on normal shows and they don't know how to light white people on black shows. So it was hilarious watching the light-skinned black guy. You could only see his eyes, basically. It was like one big washout. Yeah. So he was trying on all these different clothes. Oh, by the way, lighting people, get your shit together okay we we coexist so figure that out but anyway didn't you love the way every time quad came out of a dressing room she just like slam open the curtains yes so she would slam the curtains open and start like what like working it way too hard and she'd be like now this look is what i call a look of looks and look at me how i look here you think you you've seen a... Oh, magic, look.

I'm like, what? What are you talking about? None of that even made any sense. And I guess I noticed... They're caulking the wine. It's the lace in the sneaker. Water goes down a river, honey. What?

It's the down in the pillow. It's the strap on the flip-flop. That's a nail on a finger, honey, and you know you heard it here first, because I'm Miss Quad. It's the twisty tie on the unopened Ethernet cable coil you just bought. Yellow and blue make green.

You zip-lock that thing close and nothing's gonna come out. Quiet, honey. The Lion King, only shown for a limited amount of time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Honey. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now, Quad, honey, the Lion King, only shown for a limited amount of time. Honey. Yeah, I'm like, huh? No, it's a fantasy.

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. I don't know about her. And I'm loving her beat Mariah at her own game. I think that that is so funny. Mariah doesn't even, she can't even speak anymore because Quad is already throwing fits every time she sees her. Well, you know, I have to wonder, with this whole feud that's going on between Mariah and Quad, this feud that's a little hard for me to still grasp, like, wrap my brain around, why have neither of these women stopped for a second and thought, wait a second,

maybe it's this guy, what's his name? Nico? Rico? Maybe it's him. Because, you know, honestly, when Mariah explained her side of it, it was not the most unreasonable thing in the world. I can imagine saying to someone like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but if you're going to have someone like, it should be me, because I've known you the longest, or whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It should be me, because I had Housewives Hoedown before Watch What Crap Ends. And Ronnie didn't't he's only had watch what crap ends but it's like i mean it's still like a childish request like you you shouldn't request it but i i can but at the same time i can imagine someone saying it almost like a joke like oh yeah i'll give you a number but like you know i you know if you do a like, I want to be the whatever. I can see someone saying it in a way that's really maybe not tactful but really not mean. And it sounds like this guy has actually started off a huge game of telephone between these two women. Well, it doesn't help that Quad doesn't repeat things truthfully either, which we saw in this episode when she was telling the story about what Mariah supposedly said to her face, and none of it she had said.

Oh, about like, I am the tree, I am the root, and you are my branch. Yes. It's like Mariah cannot even think far enough to know where a branch comes from. She just knows that it's something that looks like her mother's finger. She has no, like, that's all she can think. That's as far as her brain will go. Mariah's insults basically come from whatever she saw on TV the last night.

So if she saw Gladiator the next day, she's like, I will not get off my chariot and throw tomatoes with you. You know, like, the night she watches, like, I don't know. I don't know why I'm thinking L.A. Law. I'm like, I will not get out of my 88 Camaro

and make you turn me into Carbon Bernson. I don't know. What? I don't know, people. I don't know. But that's, but it's the 50-50 chance you might hear that on the show. She's like, she just watched like Top Chef the night before. She's like, you will not make a quick fire out of me before this elimination challenge.

I cannot believe you used frozen scallops. I am the deep fryer. You are the potato. You are the Gail Simmons and I am the Padma Lakshmi. And don't you dare ever call me Emeril. I am Padma and you are Billy Joel's ex-wife. Okay, so that fight, yes, that fight's really stupid. But this week it got good because, A, Mariah showed up to a charity event like five hours late, which was amazing because that's what she always does.

And she showed up with bodyguards, which, I mean. It's hilarious. I don't know. Yeah, really stupid. which, I mean... It's hilarious. I don't know... It's like a Kenya Moore move. Yeah, really stupid.

And it turns out she actually needed them because Rico, the creepy gay guy from Project Runway, who was also horrible on that show, was jumping all over her and about to slap the shit out of her. So, gay guys, please... I know that sometimes we have womanly feelings, and I know that we're really close friends with women.

And I know it's fun to watch shows about women and talk about what idiots they are. But, gay guys, we are not allowed to hit women, okay? We still have penises. Just because Rico takes a big one in his butt-toosie does not mean he has the right to hit a woman, okay? I actually thought he was really crossing the line because You know what? If I were a woman, I would have been a little scared, to be honest. I'm not scared of putting on my couch those big, giant

goggle eyes coming at you. A lot of times, I think the women on these shows cry wolf. Kenya Moore being like, I'm calling the police. This is assault. You pulled my weave. A lot of times, the women cry wolf. In this case, I know enough women case you know that's

you know i i know enough women uh to know that that's really not cool what he was doing he was really getting he was really getting intense he was gonna slap the shit out of her now if anyone needs to get the shit the shit slapped out of them it's that one because she's full of it yeah but not by a man okay you know what though but he would have only gotten like half a pinky on her before Miss Lucy would have destroyed him because you know she's straight up hood don't let the Linda Cardellini wig fool you

she is hood from Detroit right well she's known him since he was a kid she probably taught him how to slap the shit out of a bitch so she would take him down I mean all three of them are just like just low class just you know like an embarrassment. But so, yeah, they're embarrassing, too.

They're embarrassing to everybody. You know, again, like here we are again where every segment of society is being embarrassed. You know, the gays are being embarrassed. Black women are being embarrassed. Women are being embarrassed. You know, people who have fundraisers embarrassed. Cancer is being embarrassed. are being embarrassed. Black women are being embarrassed. Women are being embarrassed. People who have fundraisers, embarrassed. Cancer is being embarrassed. Cancer is embarrassed.

The sign and the disease. What you should have did was not fight with her. You should have gone Dairy Queen and been like, I have came here for some ice cream. You know why I like cancer? Because nothing rhymes with it. It's like an orange. Yeah. Nothing rhymes with cancer. None of like an orange. Yeah, nothing rhymes with cancer.

None of my dancer friends even realize this. Aren't you excited it's Christmas time? Aren't you excited for Dash and Prancer? I guess you could just call me a good old fashioned romancer. What I should have did was not talk about ramen with cancer, but I should have gone and gone skiing instead.

In my indoor ski slope that I built, I had Eugene build. Hey, Eugene, let's go down the slope. Okay, so speaking of terrible... Oh, Gene. Let's go down the slope. Okay. Speaking of terrible. Oh, sorry. I have to tell the listeners. I'm feeling like under the weather today. So if I'm not making any sense, because I've noticed I've said about like 35 very strange jokes so far.

I mean, I had one about a fireplace that was a player piano. I made a weird joke about. There was one five minutes ago. I don't remember what it was it was so strange that ronnie was like what i think that being under the weather makes you self-aware because you make jokes like that every week and they're good they're funny i laugh at them every week i'm not being a dick what i should do is take some micro and then i wouldn't be self-aware. Usually your jokes are so logical. What I should have did. What I should have did was

I should have spoken to the judge because I've been like, what do I take for being a little under the weather? And then I should have paid $50,000 of Eugene's money for it. What I have did. I cannot do that one at all. What I have did, though, was I had some Frosted Mini-Wheats, and I think that's going to help.

Okay. While we're talking, which we aren't anymore anymore but i did have a good i was so matt what feel proud of myself because i did have a good um segue earlier which was now that we're talking about horrible gays but see it's already gone so i'll just be a horrible gay and segue so we have a new horrible gay who's fat urkel and that is heavenlies gay who used to be Mariah's game. So This gay is all worried because he said that the same thing that's happened to everybody else has happened to him What was that air conditioner broke cuz he was sweating he was but you know what it's hard out here for a fat pimp I mean, could you imagine me living in Atlanta? I'm sweating in here and it's like 65 degrees outside

That's true. I think because I'm twirling a pen and it's like. You know what? There's something about talking about horrible gays that just turns me into a horrible gay that's all super catty. So sorry, Mariah's cousin. Well, yeah, Mariah's cousin. Yeah. Fat, sweaty Urkel. Well, I mean, who cares?

So. That's what the body does. God bless him. So he has problems with Mariah. But the whole heavenly thing this week, I don't know what's happening, but I'm really enjoying Heavenly because she's just such an asshole. We open with Heavenly doing dentistry on some meth face. Wait, can I pause you for a second? Sorry to interrupt.

But I love the fact that we introduced Moran's cousin as well. Speaking of awful, horrible gays, and I'm like, well, you know, and he sweats. Don't say that about him. But anyway, back to the awful gay. I'm just saying that because I am also a fat, sweaty gay. So I'm standing up for him for being

gay. But I will make fun of him for wearing bifocals. And I sweat as well, too. So anyway, yeah, you were saying about how Heavenly's being such an asshole. So we open with Heavenly in her dentist office about to do surgery on someone, or I shouldn't say that when Dr. Jackie's around.

About to do dentistry on somebody. So she walks in and she's like, Hi! How we doing? The poor old lady jumped out of her seat. Yeah, she did. She got startled. Good bedside manner. So then she starts going into that mouth, and those are some

meth-y, meth-y teeth. No, they weren't meth-y. They're just an old lady. She had to get her crowns. Not her crowns, her bridge. Old lady meth. She's a frightening dentist. She's like the dentist from Little Shop of Pores, but not singing. And she's proud to wear real fur

that's all i wrote down and i love that somebody called her a polar bear i know well what i loved about her fur was that it was clearly not fur weather and you know when the guy held up the fur i actually thought it was sort of cool i was like you know that's it that's a cool fur to wear but the way she wore it made no sense she wore it like some person who clearly was like i just got in for and i will therefore just wear it to this event where it makes no sense everyone was like in in warm weather clothes and she's there in her fur looking like a janky polar bear pimp uh and it was like she looked so ridiculous she didn't look like fashiony or luxurious i think she just wanted a reason to say well well, in the Bible, they're allowed to wear furs.

Because that's all she does anything. The only motivation she ever has is to talk about what the Bible tells her she's allowed to do and what we all have to do. Yeah. Which I'm beginning to love. But I have to say, I'm with you.

I'm actually enjoying Heavenly much more than Lisa Nicole, who's like, I have come to the cancer benefit because I, too, once had almost cancer. One time I found a lump in my breast. It was heartbreaking. My husband had to drive me to the hospital where I had a test done. I cried.

Then I went to a charity event, a charity event I was throwing to empower women. event a charity event i was throwing to empower women the letters are t-e-a-m to ever ass mass mass which is like what i found in myself i thought i was going to die oh shut up i know i don't know why she's on the show Like, I don't understand how she could be the cat. Maybe, like, Mariah dug her heels into the ground and was like, you must cast her. Oh, I'm going to sneeze. Yeah. Bless you.

You sound sick. One time, I was sick with cancer, or so I thought. It hurt. Not having cancer hurts just as much as having cancer. I survived not having cancer. I am a survivor. What you should have done instead of, what you should have did instead of surviving cancer is, like, you should have, like, not survived cancer, and then, like, you could have, like, had, like, a big, like, funeral that, like, Eugene could have paid for.

Like, something like that. But one of the leading causes of cancer from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca ramsey and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words black history. Rosa Parks, reconstruction, MLK, February, black history month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th.

Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound

eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society

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or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. umbrellas like cocktail umbrellas and put them under your eyelids so that way you like don't cry on anything and cause cancer to happen on your feet those are made with special 42 number pink which causes cancer just talking about that you might have given me cancer again i will be doing an event this weekend where i will give a speech and cry until you donate money only to find out later that i never had cancer, but it still hurt. And what you should have done was come to my event where I'm raising money so that I can buy

a giant coffee table made from a tire. Fucking girl is so stupid. I just want you to call and leave me messages in that voice. I'm going to, Ronnie. I'm going to all the time. What you should have done was not answer your voicemail, but buy a giraffe. With Eugene's money.

Should we move on to another show? Is there anything else? I don't know. I wrote down so much. Let me see. I liked when Dr. Simone's husband was, like, sort of scolding his son a little bit. And was like, like, like, don't you have a full plate? How'd you get onto these nuts? And then his son just, like, lost it. He, like, looked at the camera, like, did you just hear that?

And then he just, like, fell over, like, his head in his hands. And then he, like, it was so cute. his hands and then he like it was so cute but also like really funny because i would have been doing the same thing um the only other things i wrote was heavenly talks like she's got cheesecake coating on her throat and jackie tells off fat models oh yeah because all the models were like there were like a lot of heavy models and i wanted jackie to like tell them off for being fat and giving themselves cancer. And then I really liked when

Dr. Jackie and Simone went to lunch. She's like, what did you do today? And she's like, I look at this case, Jackie. This woman, look at this mask. And she's like, oh, it looks like you've got a little something on the something. She's like, that is fibroids. Yeah, like, that is fibroids.

Yeah, I was like fibroids. It's fibroids. And how excited was that lunch conversation about finding a mass? That was so funny. I'm just happy that Bravo did not score it with dum-dum music like they did last week. Like, look at these two. Like, hey, hey, you two stupid dummies. You two highly educated, professional black women.

You're such dummies talking in your medical terms. It's like on Real Housewives of Orange County where everybody's so horrified that Heather used the word amalgam. Oh, my God. That was so funny. This is a good segue. How about in the Real Housewives of Atlanta Husbands All, when someone used the word philosopher or philosophy, and Peter was like, there you go, big word. There we go. I don't think philosophy is a big word.

Or philosophize. Good for using the big word, y'all. Yeah. That husband special was one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen. You know how Bill Cosby went on that rant a few years ago and got in so much trouble lecturing black men? I really needed Bill Cosby in this episode because all of these men, every single one of these men is a mess. Every one of them. It's like Bravo's continued attempt to turn america against

black people they're like oh here this is what the these are the thought leaders of the of the africa african-american male community are saying and then you have like these four idiots one of whom is about to go to jail one of whom is like uh like foreclosed on another one has all sorts of rent scandals and another one used to be a pa on bravo like this is they're sitting here talking and they're saying the stupidest things not that we're saying anything particularly smart on our podcast but we're not pretending to be smart that was you know that's like the funny part of it these guys are sitting there well first of all peter's trying to be the host which was hilarious he's filming in the bar that got foreclosed on with extras pretending to dance all around to make it look popular yeah that was bad that's true the bar that his wife is paying

for it yeah i like to um whoever said i'm trying to i'm trying to pull up uh whoever said it saying that it's like basically like it's a terrible version of the view and peter's trying to be murder of the era totally that's exactly to be Meredith Vieira. Totally. That's exactly what it was. You could see he was actually angling for a hosting gig or something like that. Terrible. And he doesn't understand anything anybody's saying and he can barely

talk and he's high off his ass. Hey, yo, bro. What about the time your wife said that, bro? You need to be calm bro you you weren't saying the right thing to your wife bro i'm like that's hilarious coming from you since your argument is always to yell scream leave the house and buy a mercedes on your wife's credit card like you have no you have no room to bitch about anyone's reactions to their wife. You're horrible. You're horrible. What's wrong with Cynthia?

I don't know. I mean, I could barely follow this. I think I got 20 minutes into it. I really could not watch it because it was like this meandering conversation about nothing where they were saying things that didn't mean anything. I forget what even at one point, I forget. Todd said something that made no sense. And then Peter like poked him and said, that's a point I'm like no it was not a good point it meant nothing at all Todd is the smartest of all four of them Todd is the one I feel bad for him I think he's getting dragged down into this mess well I was really enjoying Peter because he was so stupid everything Peter said was just so stupid was like, how uneducated can you be? And who are you to give advice? Don't you have like 20 children

and five baby mamas? Please stop. Just please just don't ever talk again. He's like, yeah, you know, the thing is, you know, if you're if your woman isn't talking to you, you gotta go get her. You gotta like get her like a man or things like that. I'm just like, this is so stupid. This is so

asinine right now. And when Greg, and then Greg is the complete opposite. He's a total bitch for his wife, which is hilarious. Because his answer to everything is, you need to caress her. You need to hold her in your arms. Look her deeply into her eyes and say, baby, I cleaned your underwear with my teeth today, baby. Well, I also, like, I think it was Peter who said,

like, well, one thing that we have to remember is that, you know, all our wives, they all think they're independent women. And sometimes you just have to remind them that, like, we're in this together, baby. I'm like, no, no, no. You can just be, let them be independent women, and why don't you bring something to the table, and then you can be in it together.

Babe, you ain't no independent woman, babe. You're a codependent woman. Okay? Let's get that straight, babe. Gross. He's so gross. He's awful. Uh, what else did I write?

If I'd, oh. Greg's talking about how you need to basically kiss your wife's ass to make everything okay. And Peter goes offhandedly, if I did that, my wife would ask me what bill I wanted her to pay. I thought that was the most self-aware thing Peter said in the three years that we've seen him on our TVs. By the way, just in reference to the View comment, it was Nancy Deneen who said it. And she said, it's like The View, Peter is playing Barbara Walters. I just want to give proper credit to Nancy Deneen. Well, let's hope he goes the same way as Wawa and leaves because he's the worst.

The best part of the whole thing for me, I know you had to quit watching it. I don't blame you, but I was desperate and I was laughing at the whole thing. I really liked it. watching it i don't blame you but i was desperate and i was laughing at the whole thing i really liked it but um my favorite part was when greg was like when my wife comes out of the shower i'm there to dry her off with powder and i powder her what is happening and this literally happens you know this happens it was making me so sad but i was laughing so hard you know though greg is the smartest one actually of the bunch because he's the only one who seems to realize where his meal ticket is and and knows how to treat it well he's the only one who's lost it so

far that's true too you know he wasn't this way before you know he was put on school lunches yeah well um i also liked how when they talked about Apollo maybe going to jail and he's like, well, I don't know, like, I showed up and, you know, they let me out within an hour

and, you know, you know, I don't know. I'm like, dude, you're going to jail. Stop acting. Well, no one wants to go to jail, but, you know, I don't think I'm going to go.

They just asked me a question and let me go. And then the clips of Apollo Nida gave it up to the feds. They just asked me a question. Let me go. And then the clips of Apollo Nida gave it up to the feds. Yeah. And I like that. They started to kind of ask them, like, so why did you do something

so stupid? And they're like, well, you know, let's just say, you know, there's like a lot of chit-chat and, you know, that's just it. Like, what? And I also liked when they're like, well, we know Phaedra. We know that deep down, she's on your side. She's got your back.

I'm like, no, I don't think she will. I think she's going to drop him as soon as she can. Yeah, she'll be dropping him the second he's in jail and does not have access to microphones to testify against her. Yeah, exactly. Bye, Apollo. Yeah, he deserves it. He's really, really a jerk. That guy is just terrible.

Everything that came out of his mouth was just embarrassing. Ugh, gross. But I love that Phaedra only uses him for sex. Like, even though he basically says that Phaedra doesn't even speak to him, she won't look him in the eye, and she won't have anything to do with him, except she still wants to have sex three times a day. Well, you know what? I don't blame her, because Apollo's hot. Yeah, Apollo's hot, and

his ass is going to be about as loose as the whole of the Grand Canyon by the time he's done in jail. I was going to say, Choya's tire coffee table. Her coffee table is just going to be made of Apollo's ass. Yeah, being hot in jail is not going to work out in your favor. Sars!

Sorry, Apollo. I'm sure he's used to it. Remember, Lawrence did seem to know who he was very quickly a few seasons ago. Oh, Miss Lawrence. So, let's move on to New York. Yes. But I would like to say, Real Housewives of

Atlanta is officially done for the year. Finally. Yes. That is wild candy! Bye, Real Housewives of Atlanta is officially done for the year finally yes bye Real Housewives of Atlanta I hope you return without Nene's stupid horsey moosey ass bye yeah I agree okay next up is Real Housewives of New York turning up whoa sound like there was a thump over there that was a page turn a violent page turn still loving this season

so entertaining to me a lot of stuff happened on this episode actually well it started with all the ladies hung over in bed and Sonia woke up and said oh gosh my face and America said, yes, your face. Wow.

Look at that face. I appreciated this scene because you could tell they really were hungover and sleeping in because none of them had their makeup in. Every other show, it's like Melissa Gorga is like, ah, time to wake up. And she's like, I got ice skater makeup on, you know. But this time, these women were not made up their hair was messed up this was them really waking up sonia looks like chloe savinia like being drained of all of her fluids like she's been put in a vacuum vacuum seal pack or whatever yes her face is really turning into a disturbing creation and it's kind of pretty and young looking, but not.

What's going on with her lips? Her lips are really sticking out a lot these days. Yes. And her nose is longer or something. I think she's the only person I've ever seen get stuff added to her nose. She's sort of like ahead of the whole Pinocchio chic curve. She's like, I need my cheeks

to be shaded. She and Macklemore can hang out together. She's creepy. So then they did yoga and she had gas, which was fun. And then I think the first big thing was that the women all wanted to confront Ramona about her behavior.

And so they concocted this hilarious plan where they were basically going to lock her into a banquette. Which totally worked. It was amazing. It worked so well. I was surprised she didn't slide down under that table and get out of there. They were like, why did you lie? Why did you do this? Ramona, it was like a caged animal.

It was amazing. She was going nuts. Her hair was flailing about. She was screaming. Her eyes were squinting. She was holding the sides of her face. That was my favorite part. Like she was on a roller coaster.

You're not. You're attacking me. I feel attacked. This is wrong. Why are you doing this to me? I told you my father. My feel attacked. This is wrong. Why are you doing this to me? I told you my father, my father abused, my father abused. Why are you doing this to me? How could you do this to me?

This is wrong. I don't like this. It wasn't a lie. It was not a lie. Okay. Okay. You're attacking me right now. I'm feeling very attacked.

I'm feeling attacked. Okay. I'm attacked. And I don't like how I feel. Okay. That was amazing. And they actually got Ramona to say, well, okay, it was inappropriate of me. I felt terrible about myself, and that's why I left early.

Even though that's a lie, too. She's obviously just saying that because that's not why she left. Well, but we seem to be getting towards more of an honest place where she's like, well, I just wanted to get out of there. I didn't like it. Although the truth is she did clearly get her blowout so she could go to Molly Sims' party. I love that Kristen said Molly Sims doesn't even know who she is. And I also love that Carol said, who's Molly Sims? Who's Molly Sims?

I'm like, really cool. I don't know who Molly Sims is. Molly Dodd. Now that was a show. Yeah, I remember Molly Dodd. Now that was a show. Yeah, I remember Molly Dodd, the days and life of. Molly, I miss you. She knows what it's like being a single widow, having sex with people. I don't know if Molly Dodd's a widow.

I'm just not that I... I don't think I actually ever saw that show. I hope I didn't just kill her husband in my head. Days and nights of Molly Dodd. I never watched that show either. I remember that show being on and being like yeah it was only on one season right or two i don't know i don't know i was perplexed by the whole situation it's crazy that like we both that you made a reference to it and then i knew like i was like right there with you you know it opened that can right your reference to la law

yeah sorry i'm taking this back to NBC's heyday. Yeah. We're going to have some NYPD blue references coming right up, guys. Yep, that is on ABC, and I just said NBC. I was sticking more with the 80s and 90s in general. Let's not work Alf into this. That was NBC. That was NBC.

Remember Amazing Stories? Oh, I love that show. Yeah. That was a. That was NBC. Remember Amazing Stories? Oh, I love that show. Yeah. That was a good show. Remember the two teenagers who became magnetically attracted to each other? And he was like the jock and she was the nerd? No. I just remember really liking it.

Yeah. I remember in Alfred Hitchcock Presents, or maybe this was, I don't remember if it was a new Alfred Hitchcock Presents or if it was Amazing Stories, but some guy's wife gets raped and they're coming home from the police station in the car and she's like, that's him, that's him. And so he gets out of the car and kills the guy in an alley and then he gets back in the car and then his wife goes, it's him, it's him. And everyone she sees is the guy. And so they just killed the wrong guy who wasn't a rapist. Okay. You know, I'm feeling very attacked.

I never raped anyone, okay? So I don't think you should be coming at me like this with that hatchet, okay? I'm sorry. So the rumors were that Ramona, and this I know from our Facebook page, the rumors were that Ramona really left because she knew that her husband

was in the Hamptons that weekend at said party fucking some 20-year-old, which he was. So she got on a plane to go find him. And then in the scene we see with Ramona and her husband, who looks like he's totally over her and wondering why he ever married her

in the first place, she says a couple of times in a row, I mean, look at our marriage. Our marriage is so strong. The blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because we have a strong marriage don't we marry you like oh no poor thing and he's like he's like out of my way dummy yeah he's like i think avery's here with her friends i gotta go got a boner yeah oh that girl's pretty young i mean she was like 23 or something no really yeah exactly yeah she was like five years old i'm sorry she's pretty young. I mean, she was like 23 or something, no? Yeah, really young. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. She was like five years old. I'm sorry. She's very young, okay? And my father was very young when he abused me. So when I see young people, I get very upset, okay? So I'm sorry, but I'm feeling very attacked right now. And I don't like banquets.

You know, my father, he had a table in the dining room, okay? I don't know if you guys had a table, but we had a table. So when I sit at the table, I get very nervous. So I'm sorry. I'm just very emotional right now. Yeah. One time I was sitting in between my mother and my father and I couldn't get out because I was sitting in between them and there was no way for me to get out. And my father got mad at my mother and he threw a green bean at her face. And so now I'm so afraid of things being thrown at my face that I throw things at people's faces and I also don't eat green beans, okay?

Okay, I just don't like legumes very much, okay? That's just something that I have, something I deal with. I don't like them. I don't want to see them, okay? So when I'm around them, I want to leave. I don't care where I go. Whether it happens to be, you know,

if I go to the general store, if I go to a party where my husband may be cheating with someone and I have to take a plane there so be it I have to do it okay okay um so then so then after this this big intervention which did actually get to a semi-honest place um then we had a scene of kristen with uh josh her husband and they were they were doing some therapy for their their daughter who is 17 months and not walking yet and so she wanted josh to be there because he's missed pretty much all the therapy sessions is that a disease what the walking thing i don't know i'm not buying that your baby does not have a disease when it's that young and can't walk give me a buying that your baby does not have a disease when it's that

young and can't walk give me a break she wasn't saying it had a disease but it's a fucking physical therapy you know i didn't walk till i was two i laid my ass down and i rolled i wouldn't even crawl i would roll and my parents still make fun of me and guess what i still do it now the fact that i've really made nothing of myself at this point in my life i don't know if that had to do with me rolling around on the floor and never learning how to walk. But I don't think it's a disease, and I think it's silly that we're sitting here feeling sorry for some woman whose baby's not walking yet. I mean, that baby is little, and the reason she's really upset is because that baby is fat. I said it.

There, I said it. The baby is fat. Well, I mean, I don't know know i don't know what the timeline is for a baby when a baby should walk when it shouldn't walk i don't really have any bones with the getting a therapist in there um but it was interesting because um i actually was talking with our friend lisa timmons about this this morning my point of view was like gosh that guy josh is such an asshole kristen is a nag for sure, but Josh is an asshole. But Lisa's point was more like, you know, he is not nice to her at all.

That's not right. But she seems like a woman who has no idea how the working world works. And to take off three hours in the middle of the day is kind of like outrageous and it's crazy. So I understand that. I understand that it's a big deal to take out three hours of your day, but I kind of feel like he was still a dick about it. I agree with Kristen.

If you're going to take out that time, then just take it off and commit to it. Here's my general opinion on this couple, okay? Yeah. Women. When you're men, and this is the same thing I was saying about that new girl,

Shannon, on Real Housewives of Orange County, who I actually really like, but women, your husbands, if they hate you, and if they seem annoyed by you, and they don't want to be around you, and they're not coming home at night, it's usually because you're being an asshole. And here's my evidence, Shannon and Kristen. I mean, could you imagine having to listen to Kristen? I mean, just the amount that we've having to listen to kristin i mean just the amount that we've had to listen to her when someone's apologizing to her and she's like no but here's my point and you know he did then and then this and why aren't you here for three hours and then you can't do anything and you don't do nothing and he wakes up at five in the morning to hang to be with his children for a couple of hours and get them ready so his wife with no

fucking job can sleep in and not do it he's not some lazy deadbeat husband he's getting up he's making an effort and then he's going to make all the money while his deadbeat fucking wife does nothing all day so i don't want to really hear it from kristin that she is poor her she doesn't get enough attention you know i know that your whole life you've gotten attention because you're pretty but now you're aging and you've got to actually get a personality and do something with. And stop nagging all the time. No one wants to fucking hear it lady. If your husband doesn't want to listen to you.

You're talking too much. Shut up. Just be quiet. But that being said. He is an asshole. Like he is an asshole. He has had to listen to her. I am on team asshole husband.

He has had to listen to that mouth. I know. She. I mean. Listen. We'll get to her confrontation with ramona later but she is a nag for sure and she needs to know when to sort of shut up she's like sort of like a spoiled brat kind of and uh i i get that but he really is an asshole too he and he should have

known this about her i guess it's the same as that she should have known this about him but he honestly he talks down to her a lot and he talks down to other people too he talks down to everyone and he's a real talks down to other people too. He talks down to everyone. And he's a real dick. There's a way, I understand that he did take out time, but there's a way to check your emails. There's a way to be engaged and to be supportive and to do the work-life balance in that instance.

And he was just being a total cock about it. I kind of agreed with the point that if you're going to take off the time, at least spend half an hour focusing on it and then go check your emails and be like, hey, give me one second. I want to just check my emails real quickly and then come back. You know, they're both assholes, I guess. I think that that's true because, you know, she's sitting there nagging him the whole time in front of, you know, the therapist and starting arguments and shit in front of it. It's like she's such a drama queen.

She's, it's not the first time we've seen her try and start shit with him in public too, which is so awkward for everybody else. And I think that they're one of those Bickerson couples who gets off on it. Like he's a dick and she finds that sexy, uh, except when it's turned on her. And then he thinks it's funny that she's just like a helpless defenseless woman who's like a dumb model and totally makes fun of that to her face. And that's fine. Like, you can have your, like, codependent relationship.

But don't make me actually try and feel sorry for you because I don't. Sorry, babe. Sars, if you were anybody else, you'd be like Brandi Glanville and some broken-ass down lease in the Val trying to get people to write books for you to make a damn dollar to pay your rent. You're so lucky enough to have an ugly guy who loves you. So just stop your whining. You hit the jackpot. Yeah, seriously. I know. So then

after this really awkward moment with the therapist, then we went to a double date with Luanne and Jacques and Carol and some, you know, Dilf. This 52-year-old hot guy, right? And I was surprised at how bad of a date Carol was. She was terrible.

Well, it's because she's still trying to pretend she's 20. Hey, you guys know, 20, you're supposed to come on the first date. Okay, okay. Congratulations. You said something youthful. Guess what? Youth left like 60 years ago. Stop. Please stop. I know. It was like a bad Jennifer Aniston impersonation or something. She's just like,

Hey! Jennifer Aniston is becoming a bad impression of Jennifer Aniston in those movies. I'm like, they're not 20 either. Shut up, Carol. Hey, I heard one time that you're supposed to come on the first date. Hey, I've been using a matchmaker. I know that makes me sound real young, right?

Yeah. This morning when I was churning butter, I was listening to the gramophone, and Will Rogers was talking about how you're supposed to come on the first date. I hear the kids are really into the what's it called? The new

kids on the block? Because that's kind of what I am. I'm a new kid on the block because I'm young Carol Radswell. When I heard the first song that Amy Grant made that wasn't about Jesus, I came. Baby, baby, I'm hitting the spot. Every heartbeat there's your name loud and clear I just can't next time I fall

in love I want to be when I come on the first date well I thought it was so funny that she well but it was funny slash that I want to be when I come on the first date. Well, I thought it was so funny that she... That's what first dates are for. Come on. Wait, wait. There's more immigrant to be had. Wait.

He likes to drive like Mario and Freddy. I like to come on the first date. Give me the gift of coming. Oh, Amy Grant. I will never forget my parents' disappointment when Amy Grant became a pop star. You guys, I will never forget my parents disappointment when Amy Grant became a pop star you guys I will never forget it my mom saw Amy Grant in some elevator and like a cabin things like a ski lodge or something and she was like I saw Amy Grant and I mean she was with the man who wasn't her husband but I'm sure they're just friends and oh my god she's so pretty I love her Ronnie do you still

have her tape because they bought bought me Amy Grant music. Oh my god, when Amy Grant became a pop star and then left her husband for some other dude, right? Didn't she? Oh my gosh, they're still not okay. I still can't say Amy Grant. My mom will be like, stop! You're doing that to make me upset, Ronnie. Stop it.

Sorry, Mom. I'm just still laughing that we just went on an extended riff doing Carol Radziwilliced orgasm puns to Amy Grant songs. This is like a new level. This podcast has been out of control. What I should have did was sing a toy-art. What I should have did was sing a toy-art. I love you with love and devotion, Eugene.

That's what I should have done. That's what I should have done. Oh, well, you know, Peter. Oh, well, you know, Peter, he loves Amy Grant. But, you know, that's just like how he takes, like, you know, that's what he's dealing with since Frankie, you know? Oh, my God. Amy Grant, the only reason she did that thing with Vince Neil is because Peter was in an accident, you know? I mean, it changed everything, you know?

That's when the Trade Center fell. Oh, well, you know, like, oh, well, you know, Peter, like, he punched Amy Grant in the crotch. But he only did that because he's just, you know, having a really hard time with Frankie, you know? And he thought that she was a taxi cab. So, you know, but, you know, Peter. Okay. I have to interrupt here to say, did you look at Twitter? Because Leah and I were tweeting each other about hanging out when she comes back here.

Because I said, we have to do a live show with you when you get here. We have to do a show with you. I didn't see it. Will it be live? And I was like, hell yeah, bring Frida. So when she gets here, she's going to be here all summer. So you know that means she has to be like our third co-host for the whole summer. Because I think she's doing I think she's doing

something, I'm sorry, I'm saying I think. I haven't watched it yet. But she's doing some kind of recap or opinion piece for OK Magazine, I guess. It's like a video vlog or whatever about her thoughts on the Housewives. So we have to get her on here to do it. Yeah. And we should use her to wrangle some of her

buddies like Lance Bass and whoever else. And Lance Bass' hot husband. Yeah. Turkey. Turkey. Tarzan. Oh, Turkey.

Yeah. Turkey. Turkey-zan. Tanzerky-stan. Okay, so that's enough. So I just wanted to tell you that because you must tweet her and get her on here, Benjamin. I need Leah Black. How fun is that?

How fun is that? How fun is that? That or I'll invoice you. Okay, so Heather goes... Oh, yeah, so we're still on the date with Carol, right? It was just one of those things where I thought that Carol would be a lot more self- possessed and smooth, and she was

such a disaster. Maybe it's because that guy was super hot, but she was a total disaster. I don't think she was a disaster. You and Luann agree. Two out of three Luanns agree. Darling. Darling.

That's my greatest compliment you could have given me. I don't know that she was a disaster, really. She was giggly and fun. He seemed to have fun. She was fun. She was neurotic. She was like, am I saying too much? Am I talking too much? I don't know that she was a disaster, really. Like, she was giggly and fun. He seemed to have fun. She was fun. I mean, that guy's just neurotic. She's like, am I saying too much? Am I talking too much? It was like, I don't know.

That guy's a 52-year-old waiter with brown teeth that nobody's ever heard of. So I think she did fine. Yeah. I mean, she'll still probably get it in, you know, or have it get it put in. I think we'll be hearing about it. Yeah. So then after that was then. It was like a sprinkler system indoors.

Oh, and I loved, oh, can we talk about Luann helping her with her advice column on manners? Oh, yeah. Because that was amazing. Okay. She's like, I'm writing this article, and I'm supposed to be about manners, and I was trying to find your book on Amazon, but it's not sold there anymore. So I wanted to know what you thought. And Luann's like, well, first of all, when you go to someone's house for a party, you should always bring something. Glad you called Luann.

That is groundbreaking shit right there bring a bottle of wine or you know if you bring flowers they're gonna have to work so bring flowers in a vase you know or a candle people love candles okay thanks you earned your paycheck luann i hope they put you back on the credits yeah but um what else did she go into with luann that got i don't i don't really remember because that scene, I actually dozed off in that scene. Oh. Then she was like, well, what about if you... She's like, what if you've had sex with a guy?

Okay, if you've had sex with a guy... What was her question? She's like, if you have sex with a guy, are you supposed to... Is it bring him a gift? Yeah, she's like, okay, if you're going to see a guy that you've had sex with, what are you supposed to bring him as a gift? Yeah, she's like, okay, if you're going to see a guy that you've had sex with, what are you supposed to bring him as a gift?

And Luanne's like, well, I don't know. I don't know what you're supposed to bring. A massage? Carol's like, well, okay, what if you haven't had sex with him? She's like, a candle? Luanne, by the way, if someone brings me, I don't want candles. Everyone, no one bring me a candle as a gift. I don't want them.

And if I've had sex with you and you're already hiring, and I'm already hiring somebody else to touch you, that's not a good sign. Right? Massage. I don't like that. Yeah, I agree. But it was cute that they were talking.

I kind of like them together, even though Luan's still getting in little digs everywhere she can, where she's like, I can't believe she's such a disaster at dating. She's like, I know who's not a disaster at dating, it's Michelle Obama, who I am like, after all. Okay, what else do we have here?

How about the scene where Heather shows up and steals ice cream from a child? Who does that? Oh, yes! I noticed that. She's like, hey. She's like, hey, Cashie. Hey, Cashie. Can I have, like, a lick?

And then she's, like, holding it the rest of the scene. I'm like, hey, give that back. And thanks for, like, smearing lipstick all over that nice white ice cream cone, too. No kidding! Someone who's worked with Diddy and probably has herpes. Get the fuck away from my child with your tongue, you creep. Well, you know, now I know why she worked with Diddy. She's really hardcore. She steals ice cream from kids kids and she takes the g off words with ing woof street that is some street right there girl but um yeah i love that cashie grabbed the the ice cream cone and then sat behind his mother so heather couldn't get it again

yeah but let's get to the big confrontation at the end which was when Kristen and Ramona met and Ramona had this very weird like bachelor moment where she stood up and presented like a bouquet of flowers as an apology and was like no I just want you

to know that what I did was inappropriate I don't know why I did it it was wrong there's no reason for it I sort of retaliated I don't know why I did it. It was wrong. There's no reason for it. I sort of retaliated. It doesn't make it better, but it's just what I did, okay? And so I'm sorry. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed all weekend. I was crying. I was feeling sick, and these are for you, and I hope you accept my apology,

okay? Well, you're, you know, I don't think you know what it's like to have something thrown at your face. Why do you throw things at people's faces? Are you a drunk? Is it because you have a drinking problem? Because I mean, I think't think you know what it's like to have something thrown at your face. Why do you throw things at people's faces? Are you a drunk? Is it because you have a drinking problem? Because, I mean, I think you might need some therapy and some AA for throwing things in people's face.

Because, frankly, it seems like an addiction at this point. It's something you really need to get on top of, Ramona. She was being such a, oh, sorry, did you want me to do Ramona voice? Yeah, you initiated. I'm just following. I'm sorry. Sometimes, sometimes I don't want to do the Ramona voice, Okay. Cause it's very, it takes me to a very troubled place. Okay. So all I can say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was sitting in between my mother and my father and we were

having dinner and I was doing, I was talking and my father hit my mother in the face with a green bean. And so I was like, what's this with the green beans all the time? My mother's always getting in the face, hitting in the face with green beans. and so i was like what's this with the green beans all the time my mother's always getting in the face hitting in the face with green beans and this time i was talking and so i thought maybe it was my talking and my father was like oh my god she's talking and so he threw a green bean at my mother's face and so now every time i hear myself talking i don't want to talk anymore because it reminds me of a horrible time in my life in the woods actually kristen when i gave you those flowers it was very important for me because I actually can't even look at flowers because this one time my dad said, look, there's a flower. And it was very painful for me and I don't like to think about it, okay? So when I give you these flowers, I want you to know I actually am trying to be a better person, okay?

Yeah, I tried to give you those flowers. And then you asked for some water to put those flowers in. And it reminded me of when I was a little girl in the Berkshires and my father put me in the water because he was trying to teach me how to swim and i didn't enjoy that because i was like who are you to get me wet dad who are you to get me wet dad and then i got really upset and then so now i feel like you're trying to get on my nerves by asking someone to put things in water because i didn't like being put in water okay ellie christian's just like well you're an alcoholic obviously i mean who does that like what do you do that why are you doing that for

why you give me flowers you just give flowers to people like what's flowers are for you just took them out the ground just like that you've paid someone to go pull something out the ground that's like from earth how could you do that you're on flower murderer ramona you need to go to therapy you need to see somebody or go to AA because you're obviously a drunk. And you obviously hate me because you're old and I'm young. I mean, what the hell, Ramona? I was like, wow, Kristen. Like, you're already drinking wine.

Like, how could you just be drinking wine before I even get here? Like, that's just so rude. Don't even think about anyone. Do you maybe have a problem? Do you even know how to do things? I mean, this is crazy, Ramona. Yeah, I think Kristen needs to watch some back seasons and see what happens with people who mess with Ramona. Well, you know, the thing is this.

I understand, actually, you know, when someone wrongs you and you have a lot of things you want to say and then they just are like, I'm just sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then you kind of feel like, well, but I want you to hear how this affected me. And then you can say sorry, you know. And the way that Kristen should have been, Kristen's tone should have been more like, you know, I really appreciate you apologizing to me. You know, this is the way I felt. And, you know, it alarmed me. It makes me wonder this or that.

And, you know, I just want you to know that when you do things like that, I can't help but think these things. And I think other people think them too. Yeah, already too much. Yeah, no, she would never be able to do it. Yeah, well, and already too much from what you're saying.

Like, if you were Kristen right now, I would have just got up and left. That's too much. Because Ramona did come in with a monologue. Like, she did give her, like, a big, long apology. It wasn't like, I'm sorry. It wasn't like a bitchy. No, I know. It was. But you know what it was?

I wouldn't necessarily advocate monologuing it the way I just did. I was just sort of trying to show the tone. Because what you should, what she should have done was had a conversation with Ramona and then tried to connect and then try to sort of like, in a friendly way, show, truly sort of like illuminate a little bit more the things that alarmed Kristen out of this whole situation.

But instead she's just like, you just do that? You just throw things? Like, who do you think you are? You think you're a baseball player? I mean, who do they think they are? Just throwing balls at people? That's not nice. I mean, what would you do if someone were a chef and you cut off their hands and they couldn't cook anymore, Ramona? I mean, who do they think they are? Just throwing balls at people? That's not nice. I mean, what would you do if someone were a chef and you cut off their hands and they couldn't cook anymore, Ramona? I mean, that's basically what you did, Ramona. I mean, it's like basically taking a ballet dancer and then like cutting off all of her toes so she couldn't go on point, Ramona. I mean, that's basically what you did. You tried to rob me of

my professional abilities and my humanity, Ramona. You need to go to therapy, Ramona, and AA, I think, because you're a drunk, crazy person, Ramona. And then you should go to AAA, because you know what? I don't believe that you even have roadside insurance, and that's like really messed up. Yeah, you need to go back to AAA and ask them why, when you had a flat tire in the Berkshires, that they sent a plane, and how they got it there so so fast because I think you were planning on escaping, Ramona.

Yeah, Kristen. I don't like when people, like I've liked Kristen so far. I think she's really funny. But I think it's always going to be difficult when you pick someone younger to come into a group where most of the people are older, you know, especially on a Housewives show. It's like setting up Ramona to hate her which i don't mind i like that ramona hates her but i don't like that this girl's just like making me on ramona's side i mean ramona is the worst yeah well you know i may be many things but i i don't think i'm a monster yeah she's like

i've been called a lot of things but monsters monster's not one. And Kristen's like, well, there's a first time for everything. Ramona. Well, Kristen was right there. I was on Kristen's side on that case. I do not think that Ramona's never been called a monster. I mean, maybe she's never heard the waiters

when she leaves a restaurant. I mean, who goes to a restaurant and then when the waiter comes, goes, I don't think we're going to be here long enough to order. Bitch, you have sat here for three hours getting your makeup did in my section and now you're going to leave and you're probably not even going to tip. Get the fuck out of here.

Those people need to start filming on the sidewalk and that's it. Ramona, for Ramona to think that she's never been called a monster, isn't her nickname like Remonsters or something like that? I mean, she's been called a monster. It's like Kim. Why am I talking about turtles?

Yeah. I'm losing the memory on these women. Or what was the thing? Even just like a few episodes ago when Sonia and Ramona were talking. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It was Ramona and Heather were talking. And Ramona says to Heather something like, you know what, I think you just talk too much. You just talk. You don't listen.

And then Heather's like, well, I know that you think that I talk too much. She goes, I never said that. When did I ever say you talk too much? Something along those lines. Don't quote me directly. Yes. Selective listening. Don't quote me directly. Yes, I suppose that according to the writers on this show, we're supposed to be all excited to see what's going to develop between the young one and the old one. But I'm already tired.

I'm tired. I'm not tired. I need to talk about something else. You know what I want to see? I want to see Mario scurrying a 20-year-old and getting caught. Okay? If you didn't catch that you failed, season. You have failed. Seriously. Major fail.

But in the meantime, I'm pretty hungry, Ronnie, so I think I need to bail out of this podcast. How dare you? You do not just go whenever you want to go. I am looking up Nick Gregory right now on the internet. Nick Gregory, the weatherman? Nick Gregory, the weatherman?

Nick Gregory, the guy that was fucking or tried to make Carol come on the first date. I'm crying. Oh, I was thinking Nick Gregory, the weatherman from Fox 5 in New York City. Well, that would have been a real career. But this guy does have a lot of Google images and he's super cute.

Maybe he has been in things. There's one where he looks really scary but now he's cuter. I guess that's what happens on these shows. Okay, that's enough. Bye. Wait, we have to plug our shows. Plug our stuff. Oh yeah. Okay, bye. You can find me, Ronnie Karam, on TrashTalkTV.com doing Survivor in two minutes. I'll be doing

that until tomorrow and then it's over forever so come watch it. You can find me on Tumblr at TrashTalkTVRecaps.tumblr.com and you can find me on Twitter at Ronnie Karam. You can find me on Tumblr at TrashTalkTVRecaps.tumblr.com and you can find me on Twitter at RonnieKaram and you can find me on Twitter for TrashTalkTV at TrashTweetTV. You can find

Benjamin at B-SideBlog.com where he writes lovely food reviews and television recaps and you can find all of his social media shenanigans being displayed at B-SideB. Everywhere. Instagram. Vine. Tumblr. Pinterest.

Wherever you want. The new one. The new one. And also be sure to like this Facebook, our podcast Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins and big shout out to some of our new listeners, Rachel Gaggin Book, Fran Pagliari, Daniela Morizzi-Lupton, Aubrey Klinger, Amanda Clay, Michelle Zabor-Bauman, and Heather Schaffer.

And there are many, many more, but those are the ones. Yeah, there's a lot of noobs on here. And it was super fun reading all of your suggestions of things to talk about. I'm sorry I could not find a way to fit a show tune up in here today but there's no show tune about coming on the first date so sorry maybe later but loved reading all of these I'm reading them right now and laughing oh and also what did I want to say what did I want to say what did I want to say what did I want to say I forgot god damn my brain all right I guess that's all we'll hang up now okay

bye everyone everyone I guess that's all. We'll hang up now. Okay. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger. I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza Slicinger Slicinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza

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