Watch What Crappens - #129: Dead Dogs

Episode Date: May 28, 2014

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) talk RHOC, RHONY and Married to Medicine. We also make fun of dead people for not being able to rhyme. FUNNESS. Come in! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Don't let someone steal your great idea. Register a domain name now and put your idea online. GoDaddy is offering one new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95.

Whether you're building your dream business or starting a website for fun, visit GoDaddy.com and enter WWC295 at checkout. It's go time. Some limitations apply. See website for details. Again, the code is WWC295. Get it? Because it's like, watch what crap

ends 295 because it's $2.95 for whatever you're going to buy. Well, it has to be a new.com or transfer. I just got that. I'm glad you explained it. So original. Why don't you just start a website about how original that deal is? So everyone, godaddy.com WWC2952.95,

and you get a new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo I'm Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com And I'm joined by the lovely and talented and gorgeous and worked out and wife beater wearing Ben Mandelker of B-side blog hello ben well you're oh you're you're you're one for five on all those descriptors i am wearing a tank top but i think all those other ones uh i sadly fall very short of you're not lovely you're not talented you're

not worked out no no no i just saw you this is a hack I just saw you in real life I are L this I around and you looked great and worked out well thank you Ronnie it was so great it was so great seeing you Ronnie and I got very drunk together on Friday night at a power hour at my place and you were one moment you were there in one moment you were gone I know you said goodbye to me but it's all a little bit of a blur I was actually super sad to leave because Ben has the most eclectic group of

nerds, and I really love that I love that everyone is so awkward. And I even said this to everybody. I was like, it's so funny watching you guys because you're the most awkward people in the world right now. And in about 30 minutes, we're all going to be best friends and they're like uh and sure enough 30 minutes later

we're like yeah brah yeah well that's the magic of doing a power hour for those of you who don't know a power hour it's something that you do in college but actually people should do as adults because you do a shot of beer once a minute for an hour and it sounds very fratty or whatever but it's it's like the most amazing icebreaker of all time and uh it was it's always fun and this one started off sort of on a slow note because i wasn't playing any music so it was like quiet in my apartment and everyone's just sort of sitting around but by the end man it was rollicking good times you guys there is a reason why jesus was so peaceful and his name was wine okay it's true. As long as you don't drink and drive, it's all good.

Jesus was like, I love everybody because I'm shit-faced. Peace on earth. Goodwill towards men, y'all. Jesus can do a power hour. He can do one with Maya Angelou now. They can just sit around and say quotable things. That wasn't a mean thing. I meant that was

actually supposed to be nice. Maya Angelou was a poet of our times. Of course. She's like one of the only ones left. And now she's dead. Bye, bitch. Just kidding, Maya Angelou. You know what? I still feel resentment towards Maya Angelou

because A, she's nicer than I could have ever been, and B, she understood poems that didn't rhyme. And I'm sorry, I just don't get it okay rhyme people they're poems for a reason because they rhyme ronnie can only process things in limerick form uh i respect maya angelou because wasn't she in uh how to make an american quilt actually what i even respect her more for is that uh she wrote cookbooks which i think is kind of cool and before all of her recipes because i've leafed through them in uh in various bookstores Actually, what I even respect her more for is that she wrote cookbooks, which I think is kind of cool. And before all of her recipes, because I've leafed through them in various bookstores, she has these very poetic stories, these lyrical tales of yore.

And it's always like, and that was the last time I ever saw Mr. Tannery. And in his honor, here is Meatloaf. They're all like that, which is actually kind of awesome. The other reason I really resent Maya Angelou is she was supposed to be our guest today on the show. Yes. She up and choked on the chicken bone. So bye.

Bye, bitch. Thanks a lot. This was our big, this is going to be our big break. We were finally going gonna get accepted by Oprah you guys she was like the magic of the hoedown that's the onion ring is what brings us together okay so let's talk about some Bravo shit but first you can find Ben on the internets everywhere at bsideblog.com and all the social networks at bsideblog. And you can find me, Ronnie Karam, on Twitter at Ronnie Karam or Trash

Tweet TV, which is Trash Talk TV's recap feed. Or you can find me on Instagram at Trash Talk TV Recaps or at Ronnie Karam or on Tumblr at Trash Talk TV Recaps. Trash Talk TV was taken by so many things that every social network has a different name. Sorry! Well, and also, last but not least, go to facebook.com forward slash watch what

crappens. We have about, we have like 2,400, maybe 2,460 likes. In fact, let me read some of the new people who liked the page, because I want to give some love back to these people who took time out of their day to just like click like on Facebook. It's really a quick process. But come to the Facebook page because we do have like a lot of fun on it. have liked it have been Haley Patrick Kocek, Shana Davis, Lindsay Harris, Greg Morrison, Marcy LaFontaine, Audra Brent Cummings, and

I'll just stop at Tricia Putnam. But thank you guys for liking it. And for all the people who've been liking it since the beginning, we appreciate you too. Yeah, it's so fun to read this page. And while we're being nice to people, let's also be mean to people. Yeah. Because there's this thing on the Facebook page that says,

95 of your friends like Watch What Crappens. So thanks to those 95 friends. But then it lists all the friends that don't like it. So I'd like to say a big fuck you to Stephanie Fitzharris, Brian Daney, Zabeth Russell, Jesse Burschbach, Alex Karam, my own cousin,

Kevin Fink, a writer from Trash Talk TV, Dave Ball from Survivor. Screw you, Dave. Jessica Young, Blake H cousin. Kevin Fink, a writer from Trash Talk TV. Dave Ball from Survivor. Screw you, Dave. Jessica Young, Blake Hogue, Dave Bowman, Judith Shelton, Roger Glenn, Sonia Powell, Joseph Grover, Tam Vo, and Trisha Tracy, and Michael Bellaville.

Trisha, way to stop right there. Trisha is not a fan of this. Trisha does not even like this show. So screw all you guys. And you know what? Also, the other 700 friends or whatever that aren't signed up to this. Screw you guys. You only have 700 friends, Ronnie? I don't know. I don't count them, Ben.

I don't like rhymes and I don't like numbers. For all of you who do still like this podcast, I guess we should get to Bravo though. I know, yeah. I don't know. I was just in such a good mood to talk to somebody today. You're the first person I've spoken to.

Even today at Starbucks, no one had time for me. So I'm sorry. I just needed to get some Maya Angelou talk out there. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you got it out. Yeah, me too. I hope we can, like, put her ashes in the East River. I know why the caged Ronnie sings.

Well, it's because he's asking for somebody to come rhyme things. With him. I actually... Wait, wait i know i'm sorry everyone just bear me bear with me for like 30 seconds here i was just making lunch and in my mind i actually made a rhyme and it was the stupidest rhyme i've ever made up and i can't believe i'm even sharing it with you but since we're talking about rhyming i was pulling out a bunch of limp celery out of my fridge. And for some reason I said to myself, I like limp celery like I like Linda Ellerbee. Oh my God.

Yeah, that is a terrible rhyme. That is a terrible rhyme. That's why Maya Angelou doesn't rhyme. She tried to rhyme celery with something one time that fell on her face and she was like, we're rhyming. There's part of me that wants to pat myself on the back for bringing Linda Ellerbee back. And I actually just unintentionally poorly rhymed right there. But now you want to bring Linda Carter back.

I'm all for that. I would like Linda Carter and Linda Ellerbee to be in the next iteration of The Real Housewives. Linda Carter is a farter. OK, there we're even. Now let's go. Linda Carter is a farter. Okay, there, we're even. Now let's go. If you hear a lot of background noise, I'm just trying to recreate the sounds of the Berkshires here.

And those sounds are noodles being thrown at Ramona's mother's head by her abusive father. Okay. All right. So what do you want to start with, Ronnie? Okay. I heard a bird outside. Okay. It reminded me of my father. Okay. So I usually like to go in order of how these things appeared on my television set. So that would take Married to Medicine first.

But I don't really care. I only wrote like a few things. Why don't we do Married to Medicine? You know, we've started with it the past few weeks and we've had, it sort of like gets us in a real goofy state of mind as if my celery ellerby rhyming did not do it already and also it goes with our theme of um bad rhymes and terrible english and nonsensical things sorry my angelou yeah um but you were you were a true artist especially compared to these hoes i mean jesus well i mean jewel and her book of poetry is a real artist compared to these hoes. I mean, Jesus. Well, I mean, Jewel and her book of poetry is a real artist. It's paired to these hoes.

What I should have did was I should have written a poem and been like, Eugene is my husband, and I like rubber buns. Well, she literally said this week, I should have, wait, I have came.

I have came here She said that. I have came here because I love to talk. It was like, there's a great toyism. When she said that, I teared at my house. I know, me too. I actually paused and wrote on our Facebook page. And the noise you hear outside was the sound of my brain getting sawed into purpose. What is that really?

Is someone doing... Someone's calling me via Google Hangouts. Who does that? I think it's Sonya's vibrator turning on. Seriously, it's going... I can't even hear. Oh, it's my friend Jesse Bershbach who I just said fuck YouTube for not liking our thing. It's like she heard us.

How is she calling me through the Google Hangouts while we're in a podcast? The computer is confusing me! I feel like Sonia. Well, she heard the tactic on the cell phone. Yeah, this is too much. And now my little... Oh my god, this is a mess. Let's just

start over. Just kidding. No, let's not. Okay, so, Married to Medicine. It started with some of the most incoherent yelling of all time, because we ended up at the party. We started with the party we ended at last week, which was Mariah and Quad going at each other. For some reason, nobody knows, because it was all filmed in STK,

stank with no vowels. Yeah. And we didn't get to see it because there were no cameras there which makes us all think it's bullshit so anyway this was the continuation of their fight from last week when at Rico Chappelle's fashion show or whatever

it was a fundraiser and Rico went off on Mariah and then Mariah went out to the valet and then Quad followed and they got into more fight. The spat continued. Yeah, and it was just a stupid fight, and I don't understand what they were saying. And especially Quad.

Like, seriously, I guess I'm going to say this every week until the show ends, but learn to talk. And she's like, you are not only at the valet, you are getting a claim ticket, and I am not refunding it for my friendship. You are an umbrella with holes in it, and my hair is wet. Listen, honey, you are sitting out standing on the curb, and I am the grate under the curb, and all the water goes right through me, and so does the shade. I object sustained recess and reorder a courtroom. I am the brass doorknob that you turn and the door opens and honey, I am closing that door on your face. Ding dong, the door

is closed. I am a Brita filter. All that shade comes through me and I filter out all the Mariah. Yeah. I am an Ikea. You have to use directions to put me together, honey. You don't know me unless you can follow the directions, Mariah. Good luck with that little L key, Mariah.

So that was super fun. And also Lucy was involved in this one. And Lucy is a crazy bitch. And so is Mama Lucy now. And she'll go after anybody. But even she is standing down a little bit with quads. All she's saying is, don't you do that quad that ain't cool quad quad i don't like that quad like she knows she'll get her wig flipped off by

miss quad she's not gonna fuck with her i know she she didn't want to get into a fight because she took probably like three hours to get that hefty bag onto her head that's also known as her wig i'll roll my hair at you if my neck had the strength to do it quad the demons the demons oh that demon's coming out of you okay so then we got to one of my um oh well this is an actual thing i actually wrote i didn't write many notes this week but one thing i did write down was quad i want the truth and I will accept nothing more! Yeah, I was like, oh, okay. Alright, would you accept something less? Would you take something less than the truth? I noticed that too.

I was like, well, I guess maybe she... Okay. English by Mary DeMedicine. Idioms by Mary DeMedicine. Idioms by idiots. One of my favorite things this week was Heavenly going to Mariah's house.

This shit was priceless. Miss Lucy is sitting there in her gigantic wig and Heavenly comes over in her cream cheese covered throat and she's like, now listen here. Praise Jesus first of all. Jesus came into my heart this morning and made me want to tell you,

I don't think you're being truthful. And Mariah's like, nah, I didn't say I made her. I said I put her together and allowed her to live. She's like, I didn't say I made her. I just said I gave her a platform to be famous. I'm not saying I made her famous. I just gave her the platform to be famous. And I not saying I made her famous. I just gave her the platform to be famous. And I did.

And then Miss Lucy is not afraid of Heavenly. And every time Heavenly says, praise Jesus or thank the Lord or we are blessed to even be having this argument, Miss Lucy's there to be like, I'll slap the Jesus right out of your fat ass bitch. Come on, Lucy. Whoa, come back, Lucy.

Come back, Lucy. Whoa, come back, Lucy. Come back, Lucy. Straight out of Detroit. Well, the thing is that with Heavenly, I always go back and forth because over the span of any episode, she'll say something where I'm like, you know, she's right. And I back that up, and I like that. And then she does something totally crazy later, and I'm like, oh, well, no, she's crazy. I can't get behind her. And when she was at Mariah's, she actually seemed like it was sensible, heavenly, at that time.

You know, because she was right because she called Mariah out, at least to us, and was like, it doesn't matter if you say that you made her or you gave her the platform to be famous, it's all the same thing, which is that you did something for her and then you're rubbing her face in it.

I was like, oh, my goodness. That's like, you know, that's like a reasonable thing to like, like Heavenly's got it, you know? Well, yeah. I mean, she's going up against Mariah. I mean, these people don't even know what the hell they're even fighting about. So, of course, you look sensible there. But Heavenly's Heavenly's just a C word. She's horrible. She's a horrible human being. And I love that she's always like, praise Jesus, praise the Lord, obey your husband. And the first thing the husband's like, well, I'd like you to stay home. And she's like, no. You're not obeying your husband. That is not submitting.

Yeah. Well, of course, then later on in the episode, Heavenly had this dinner party. And then she proceeds to call out everyone at the table for everything that they're doing wrong. She's like, now, I have. She's like, I can't even do the heavenly voice. I have. She's like, I have a real estate license. And I know a little bit about this and that.

And I know this house is more than 1.3 million. And I know some of you can't close your houses. I was like, what is going on? Well, the whole thing about that, she's like, you want to come over to my house because we're going to talk about marriages and relationships. And she's a relationship expert.

So all these ladies come over and she starts tearing down all of their relationships. And she's like, some of us can't submit to our husbands and some of us won't get blowjobs and some of us keep spending all blowjobs and some of us keep spending all our husbands money I was like damn

some of us are married to people with pointy heads some of us some of us say things that make no sense but they just use objects around them so below say things that make no sense, but they just use objects around them. Quad. So below the belt.

But yeah, Mariah's seeing some... I know it doesn't take this long to close a house. And Mariah's like, really? I can't do Mariah at all. No, Mariah wasn't there. I mean, not Mariah. Toya. Toya. Toya was like,

she's like, what you should have done was have came to this conversation in private because like i don't like to talk about this stuff when eugene is nearby so i should have done is not talk about that i love that stupid that stupid woman is like well if there we could have closed it thing is, the problem with closing it is my husband has too much money, and they don't know what to do. See, like, the bank, like, see what the bank should have did was, like, close on the house. But, like, the bank, like, we were like, well, Eugene's got, like, he's like, you know, he's like a doctor, but he's also like, you know, not a doctor. And, like, you know, we we watch tv so sometimes the bank's like no no tv so i'm like wow okay yeah she cannot get a loan basically yeah the bank is probably like

well we've looked over your wells fargo account and we see nine thousand dollars for a book about chanel is this true we will not give you a loan. They're like, we've been reviewing your background and we just aren't sure that an urgent care doctor can afford a $40 million mansion. We were looking over your wife's application and she's misspelled her name, which leads us to believe

that she might not be very reliable as far as payments. We have a concern that your wife, Toya, has a $300,000 debt to Ashley Furniture, and we'd like to see that resolved first. Room rentals has called, rent-a-room has called, and there was a couch from 1987 still not returned by your wife. Thank you. Marshalls has called, and apparently your wife still has a colander on layaway.

TJ Maxx has called, and it has asked for last season to be returned. Thank you. What I should have done was go to Dress Barn instead. And I should have been like, I'll buy this Dress Barn and we would have moved in there because I always wanted to live in a barn. Like a fancy barn. But I should have did. So that

party went a little bit crazy because Heavenly just went right over everyone. Now, to these women, to the credit of these women, as I make fun of their English. And you use the term women loosely. Loosely, yes. These people out with holes where their penises should be.

Yes. To their credit, they know how to deal with Heavenly now, and they just kind of laugh her off, which is hilarious. I mean, the fact that they were all able to laugh and tell her off kind of at the same time, I think was really fun to watch, especially the doctors. They're too smart for that shit now, and they're not going to get pissed off at her. Yeah, exactly. They know what the deal is. They're like, oh, it's a TV show. We'll just get through it.

Yeah. She's like, I would not be taking that class, Dr. Jackie. So Dr. Jackie also had a baby this week, a little fake baby that she's already left in the car. Oh, my God. That was so stupid. So fake. That entire thing was fake. And she's supposed to learn that she can't have a baby now because she left it in the car.

And I say she shouldn't have a baby now because she left her periods 10 years ago. Well, she said it was more because of the chemo that she got for breast cancer. But that was real nice of you, Ronnie. Well, while we're talking about horrible cancer jokes, when her friend comes in and is like, she's pretending to breastfeed the baby and she's like, baby, don't feed off implants. Like, that's real nice. No, she's talking about giving childbirth, isn't she? She's talking about having childbirth, isn't she? Like going through it.

She's trying to do. She's talking about having childbirth, isn't she? Like, going through it. She's trying to do... She's not adopting. She's going to actually have a baby, which means that she's still saying that she has her period. Do not accuse me of anti-cancer remarks until I actually make one, because I've got plenty. Well, maybe she froze her eggs. I don't know. The whole thing seems fake, and she's an obstetrician, and she should know better than to, like, submit us to this ridiculousness.

Well, she's got to do something. Her husband's like, please don't make me go on that show. She's like, let's have another lemon squeeze. But I should have done a grapefruit squeeze because it was bigger. Now, part of me is just really sad for myself because I have had the internet as part of my life for so long

that I don't even know how to write anymore with a pen. And I try and take notes with a pen, and I don't know what any of this says. Malicious? Oh, that's a quad word. Malicious. That was malicious. And then I wrote another quad word that looks like unboodazable.

Wait. Imboodizable. And doodabazzle. She's like, I will ax you to give me some time. Okay. So what else with married to meds? Do you have anything? I don't really remember.

Let's see. Simone doesn't give blowjobs, which is pretty, pretty rough, I imagine, for her husband. And Lisa Nicole just sort of like sat around and I think that was it. Yeah. Lisa Nicole's just like, thank you so much for having me over to dinner and talking about blowjobs, which are very important to the entire community of women, whether they've had cancer or not, like I did, or I thought I did, a couple weeks ago, which was extremely difficult for me thinking that. Are you a downtown girl? And by downtown, I mean, do you like to give oral sex? That's just a slang word that I use to make myself seem a little loose. to give oral sex. That's just a slang word that I use to make myself seem a little loose. Because downtown, things are smellier and your throat always hurts. So that's why I call it downtown. And uptown caters to a different crowd. That's all I have to say about that. Uptown is where I would have gone for my cancer treatments had I had cancer, when I thought

that I had cancer. But I didn't. But I still enjoy going Uptown, but I can also spend more time downtown, as long as it doesn't give me cancer, because that would be awful and hurt my entire family. And Midtown is a place that's sort of like a little cancer-y, a little blowjob-ery, and it's all things all at once. Sometimes I go over the Brooklyn Bridge to spend time in Brooklyn so I could remember a time before I thought I had cancer. Things were so peaceful then.

And then I think of all the traffic on the bridge to Brooklyn and I think of all the carcinogens and all the cancer I might have gotten. And then I get stressed out and stress leads to cancer. I might have cancer. I'm going to take a moment and cry. Well, what you should have did was not get cancer, but, like, not go downtown and with the subway. Mm-hmm. Really bizarre. I think that a husband can take not getting a blowjob,

but a husband cannot take having all of his friends giving him shit for not getting blowjobs because they saw his wife talk about it on TV. Yeah, exactly. That's a huge problem, and that's going to come back and bite her in the ass. Well, who knows? Maybe she takes it in the ass. So he's like, yeah, well, I don't get blowjobs, but I give it to her anal.

Yeah. He's like, I can get my fist in all the way up to my elbow. Like, you never know. Like, maybe she's, like, really kinky know like maybe she's like really kinky or maybe she's like i don't like giving blow i don't like giving blowjobs but i love when he pisses on me that's great yeah yeah she's like oh i hate the smell of what she's like i hate the smell of when downtown comes uptown but i love it when he takes a shit on my stomach do people do that is that a thing yeah people people do that all the time it's called scat play it's called scat play what is that that is crazy

baby sit there while I shit on your stomach? So that's much better than my downtown and my face. No. That is disgusting. You've heard of like a Dirty Sanchez, right? Yes, but I'm not sure what that is. You know what? I don't know.

Dirty Sanchez. Okay. If you have small children, you're already screwed up because they shouldn't be listening. So this is for little Tommy, who's three years old. This is what a Dirty Sanchez. Okay. If you have small children, you're already screwed up because they shouldn't be listening. So this is for little Tommy, who's three years old. This is what a dirty Sanchez is. I think it's like when you either take a shit or you stick your finger up your ass or whatever, and then you make a poop mustache on the girl.

Your finger. That's what it is? I didn't know what that was. Was made of poop gold tea because that's like below, far away from the nostrils. Oh, God. Yeah, I'm like Simone. Like, I mean, look, I enjoy blowjobs.

I'm not that prude. But when it comes to stuff like that, yeah, I'm really prude. I mean, I just want the kind of the regular, I just need kind of the regular version. I don't need pooping on stomachs or like peeing or dirty Sanchez. I mean, who does that? That's disgusting. That makes me never want to have sex with anybody ever again dirty sanchez i mean who does that that's disgusting that makes me never want to have sex with anybody ever again i think screech did it from saved by the bell and his sex tape ruining everything for you yeah my penis is officially out of order thanks sorry

seriously seriously oh by the way i have to pause and pause and say, Katie invited me to this party last week that I wasn't able to go to. And I'm so bummed because Tom and Ariana were there. And then Kristen and Stassi were there, too, at a separate table. And they weren't told that they were all going to be there. And they were filming for Vanderpump Rules. And I'm so mad that I missed it. Oh, really? Well, I'm really thrilled that I wasn't invited to go.

So I'm going to have to send Katie a little text right now. Yeah, send her a text. What a fetch. Fetch. But I don't know. That's actually not a significant story at all because I didn't even get...

That's like the fake cancer. Yeah, that was just the let's see if we can really piss Ronnie off even more than he's already pissed. I'm like, hey guys, I almost went to a party where people were there, but I didn't.

So, yeah. Doing the podcast now and Ben is telling me how you invited him to a party. When you're typing, by the way, it sounds like... So, thanks for that. It sounds like there's an Indian tribe coming towards you. Native American tribe. Betch. I'm going to write betch again.

Betch! Indian tribe coming towards you. Native American tribe. Batch. I'm going to write batch again. Batch! So, what else happened on Married to Medicine? Or should we move on to... Married to Medicine. I learned a lot about people getting penises in every hole that they've got. Which is something that has been kind of on every show recently. Like a lot of sex talk with these women. And look, fine, you know, everyone has sex.

I get it. That's great, but really gross. Like, I always think that that's women trying to prove that they're not going through menopause when they start talking about sex all the time. Yeah. They're like, yeah, I like it in my ear. And it's like, yeah, because your vagina is like a prune pit.

Okay, well, stop talking about it in public. No one cares. Hey, at least we're not watching them get their vajayjays waxed yeah that's true like on every other show yet because that happens every season so give them time give them time yeah and apparently the like a like a like a baby robot is now the new thing too a baby or robot baby i should say oh yeah yeah those babies that look real. And they make noise.

Yeah, they're gross. I saw some woman at Starbucks today. I've mentioned Starbucks twice. You're welcome, everybody. But this couple, actually, and they had a little baby. He was spilling shit. And the woman seriously looked like she was going to put her head through the plate glass window. She looked like she was going to break down.

And I go, don't worry. They're all like that. Because I feel like the poor mothers of these these little babies they take it so personally like my baby this shit itself they all do that it's nothing you're doing wrong they're awful awful little things okay that's just how they are yeah let's move on they really are um so what else do we have here? Real Housewives of Orange County. Oh, my God. Just a fabulous episode. So hilarious. This is the episode of trying to make mountains out of molehills.

Okay. Oh, my God. Where there is nothing really going on, so everybody's fighting over stupid things. I love that we're allowed to just hate Heather now. I love that everybody's just completely on board with making heather cruella deville yeah well you know the episode started with her um recounting the tales of woe that occurred when when uh she was someone deigned to ask her to move down uh take it take a different seat and i love how she's telling

terry she's like yeah well shannon came out of the bathroom and I just have never seen anything like this. She was yelling at me the entire time, like, get out of my seat! Get out! And I was like, actually scared. And then they cut to a flashback of Shannon just walking out of the bathroom like, oh, Heather, you're in my seat. You know? She hit me the way that she beat me. She wouldn't stop. It was awful. I felt like Rodney King in the middle of the street and a bunch of cops were surrounding me.

I mean, it was horrible. And her children are like, wow, what a bitch. Meanwhile, I love how some of our readers pointed out, because I totally noticed it, too, that while she was telling the story, Heather was making some sort of party favors that were like raw oatmeal, like in a bag. It's like, yeah, that sounds about right. Like a cookie? No, you're not going to get cookie. You're just going to get like

just plain old oatmeal in a bag with a bow. Yeah. Merry Christmas. She's awful. And poor Terry, you know, every episode where Heather gets to talk.

I mean, Heather has so many children that I feel like in their real life where there's not cameras around, he doesn't really talk to her. I feel like he leaves early in the morning. He works all day. He fucks somebody at night. He comes home at like nine. He's like, hi, what's up? And she's like, well, you would not believe what happened in carpool today.

I pulled in there with our driver and we had to wait in line for three hours. And he just falls asleep and that's it. with our driver and we had to wait in line for three hours and he just falls asleep and that's it yeah but here he actually has to pretend he's listening to her because they're on a show about i guess relationships and he looks like he wants to just kill himself he's literally he opens his mouth and he's literally biting his tongue like you see his tongue being bit you know he's so jealous of vicky being able to tell Heather to move down and see she's like ugh I wish I could tell my wife to do something I wish

anything even if it meant scooting over a little bit but the fact that she was so like so completely off base with her retelling of the story shows how crazy she is she's truly nuts and she did it like three times this episode,

which was hilarious. They just kept showing her telling lies and then showing the truth. Yeah. Makes me wonder if she even was on Malibu country. No one watched it. So there's no one to argue with it. I, you know,

everything she said about Sarah Rue, I now have to rethink. I'm texting Sarah. Just kidding. Heather, no tongue. Well. Why did I put Heather no? Oh, because the daughter tried to tongue kiss the husband.

That was unnecessary. Oh, that was weird, too. That was really weird. Yeah, that was a bit much. Yeah. Breaking ground. Okay. Breaking ground on your new fucking mansion that is the tackiest

party ever who does that you break ground on a children's hospital or you break ground on like a new supermarket that's going to affect the community you don't have a breaking ground party for a fucking mansion you dumb twat who does that i i agree it didn't really offend me i'm like oh well i mean it seems unorthodox but It didn't really offend me. I'm like, oh, well, I mean, it seems unorthodox, but it didn't really bother me. I actually thought the hoedown theme was a good idea, and I thought it looked fun and looked good. But, you know,

this is Heather, and she is so hyper-organized, and her version of fun is so not fun. It's like, oh, now is the scheduled five minutes when you can be spontaneous, you know? And then after that we get back to our regular programming. She has a hoedown and then she wears a

black funeral dress, like from Lilith Fraser's closet. She doesn't wear anything cowboy. She's like, well, this necklace is really big. That's not a cowgirl. Well, I I forgot what I was going to say.

Yeah, because you're pouring water. You're pouring yourself some water. I hear it. I'm actually not pouring myself water. That's a drill in the background. Oh, it is? Again, it's the sound of my brain being drilled in half by Heather Dubrow. That reminds me.

Speaking of your brain splitting in two for no reason, I saw MJ the other day in your neighborhood when I was driving. Wow. Oh, really? That was like fireworks were going off on that ass. She was wearing these spandex pants, these bright yellow spandex pants with, like, black triangles, which was eerily reminiscent of Fred Flintstone's pattern, except it was yellow instead of, like, orangish brown. And she was walking her little dogs with a full face of makeup. And I just, God bless her.

You know, sometimes it's important to do good Samaritan acts, you know, just to be a normal, happy human. And doing good things for other people makes good things in your life. And I just wanted to pull over and say, please don't wear spandex. Do it for you. You're welcome. I need to do a good deed. I haven't done something for someone else in so long. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.

I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many

stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of

becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy

early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. You're doing a good deed by watching all these shows for people. Yeah, I guess so. I'm doing, I'm keeping this going. So anyway, I'm keeping this going So anyway

So The first big controversy With this hoedown Was that Heather wanted to have An actual ceremony of sorts Where they take all these notes People are supposed to come into the hoedown Write some well wishes on a piece of paper

Put it in a jar And get buried in the foundation like a time capsule and then they're gonna like dig into the ground and then a bulldozer is gonna do something whatever it's gonna be a ceremony so the party starts at noon the ceremony is at one the ceremony which is also not on the invitation so anyway heather is getting is furious at shannon because it's one o'clock and shannon hasn't shown up and shannon is allegedly in the same community and so they start the ceremony and shannon walks up in the middle of the ceremony and heather's pissed off but i say fuck heather you know why because it's a hoedown and like it's like a hoedowns are like barbecues

like there's you sort of like meander in when you meander in. You don't come right at the very beginning. And second of all, if you're having this ceremony where people are cramming notes into a jar, why do the ceremony an hour into the event? Do it at the end after you've accumulated as many well wishes as possible. And you know who's never on time? Cowboys. Okay, this is not some real fucking cowboy. You're in like a 10

trillion dollar house on top of a hill overlooking an ocean get over yourself you dumb oh okay this well-wishing thing i love that she has to specify that she's like okay well we wanted to have all our friends over because we needed you guys to write well wishes from our friends and family because well wishes need to be under the well wishes family. Well wishes. I know. Betty White was like, sorry, bitch. I'm never coming to another thing of yours.

And I hope I don't know if they had a scene that they cut where had it because, you know, she read every one that went into the ground. And, you know, like over 70 percent of them were like, you're a stupid twat and your face looks scary. Stop it. Right. They're like, dear evil queen from Snow White, best of luck with your new house. They're like, dear gerbil who got shoved up Richard Gere's ass in the 90s. I hate you and your entire fucking family. I hope your daughter and your husband tongue kiss themselves into an early grave.

Die, bitch. Love, Betty White. Dear Ice Queen of Orange County, I hope your husband gives you many dirty Sanchezes. Love, your neighbor. Dear Terry Hatcher, when she turned into the evil mother from Coraline. I hope your tight ass gets rammed by a woodchuck and then you spontaneously combust and you die. Love, Jane Campion.

Dear Magica Dispel, I hope that your house crumbles and falls into the ocean. Love, everyone. What's the point of quitting smoking if you're gonna have smokers lungs until the day you die anyway so this whole hoedown is trying to be this fight between Heather and Heather is assuming that her friends Vicki and Tamra are gonna be on her side but Vicki and Tamara, are going to be on her side. But Vicky and Tamara hate this bitch now that they're friends again and want to throw her into a fire. So they're not going to be on her side.

Well, it was a whole big high school disaster, middle school thing. Because what happened was everything was fine. And then Tamara says to Shannon, why were you so late? And then Heather happens to be walking by and be like, yeah, why were you so late? And then Heather happens to be walking by and be like, yeah, like, why were you so late? And Shannon's like, well, I, you know, I couldn't, we had, like, the kids had to, were still in practice, we couldn't get here until now. And then Heather does that

annoying thing where she was like, I just wish you would have told me, because we were waiting for you, and we would have started if we didn't, if we had known, I just wish you would have told me, that's all. And, of course, Dad, like, pisses off Shannon, which then she, like,

turns to her husband and is like, well, thanks a lot, David. I told you we should be here leaving at 12 p.m. Thanks a lot, David. Yeah, thanks for getting me in trouble with Heather Dubrow, David, and not even saying anything

and taking the blame for it and making me do it all. Never holding me, never telling me I'm pretty, never making me feel special. Thanks a lot for making me be a cunt to you so I would feel special and get some attention from you, David.

Why don't you lower the chandelier even slower, David? I'm sorry I was late, but David was trying to change a bulb on the chandelier and it took 18 hours because he's a fucking idiot who pays me no mind.

And then I told him to bring some wine for the party and he brought back a traveler size wine and i don't know what he was thinking but i have to go to dr moon now to calm down so so then i was three hours late but i had an asian thumb up my ass i'm sorry i lost my children it turns out they were hiding from me in their secret tea room and david was no help whatsoever. Yeah, Shannon. The thing about Shannon is she's surrounded by so many bitches that you just want to root for her.

Because in her diary room sessions, she's so funny and normal. But then she's not at all. She's like the craziest one probably out of all of them and the most insecure. And she's such a ball buster to her husband. She's like the craziest one, probably out of all of them, and the most insecure, and she's such a ball buster to her husband. She's kind of the worst, but she's also so entertaining that you've got to be behind her, right? Oh, no, I love Shannon,

and I love, so then she like pulls Vicky away, and she's like all rattled. They go up to a bar, and she's like, I'm feeling very misunderstood right now, because all I'm, you know, like I told my husband we have to be ready and he's like no we can't be ready till 12 30 and like what am i supposed to do now i've got

heather dubrow yelling i don't want to be the one that ruined the hoedown i don't want to be the one oh god vicky's like yeah my husband called me a fucking bitch in public and we were swingers together and he ended up fucking the girls and leaving me out of it completely so you want to complain about your problems my my current boyfriends suggested that my son-in-law rape my daughter-in-law just to shut her up. You want to still complain to me about your horrible life on a hill? My dad is moving to Oklahoma. Like, I have to go to Oklahoma now. You want to complain to me about that? No one even goes to that musical anymore. I don't even know why it's called a musical in the first place. They should just

like, take it out of the Library of Congress and just throw it in the ocean. Throw it out! You know, the only important part of Oklahoma is the first letter. Zero. Okay, Ellie. That's what I think. Oklahoma. Yahoo.

Yahoo. That's my line. Woohoo! We are being so stupid oh vicky so she goes to complain to vicky about the most stupid marital problems in the world and then the husband david is there talking to some hot blonde having shots completely ignoring his wife which i mean wouldn't? His wife is a fucking nagging catastrophe. So he's, like, trying to pretend, you know, that he's rich enough to have this young woman and taking shots. And then Vicky's like, and then she gets mad.

She's like, David, just for the future, it would be wise of you to remember that you shouldn't be taking shots with a model while your wife is standing right there and you're making her feel left out and not even offering her a shot. And he's like, well, dear, you're completely right as usual. I'm really sorry. And I'll do whatever you want forever.

You're completely right. She's like, he's an awful man. An awful man. He was right, though. I mean, he was crazy flirting with that girl. He's like, hey, you want another shot? You want another shot? You want to hang out?

You want to go have sex? And Shannon's like, I'm right here. He's like, do you like chandeliers? I've got one that moves. Slowly, baby. And Shannon's like, David, before you show a chandelier to another woman, maybe you might want to introduce me first.

Um, yeah. She... I would cheat on her. Yeah. How about you? Yeah, probably. I probably wouldn't have gotten married to her in the first place. Although, she is loaded. So while this is all happening, meanwhile, then Tamara and Vicky are stirring the pot because then they're like, well, you know, Shannon just feels really bad because da-da-da-da-da. And then Heather, like you said, it becomes basically a game of telephone. And Heather is talking about how rude it is and how rude, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

And then Heather goes to Terry. This is what cracks me up. Heather goes to Terry and keeps on saying over and over again like it just seems rude you know they live in the community and they're an hour late it's just rude it's just rude and he's like yeah that's rude that's rude because he knows he's like programmed like a robot to say exactly what she wants to hear and then she takes that and goes back to the other woman and says even terry who notices nothing was like wow that I'm like, no, he didn't say that's rude because he thought it was rude. He said that's rude because if he said, oh, I think it's okay, then you would have been yelling at him for the next week.

Yeah, he would have been paying for that for the next month. Remember when you were so awful and you took the side of those evil, rude people at my party that I even got you onion rings for? And then you had sex with somebody behind a haystack and then you threatened to divorce me and then you had a slave. It's like, Jesus, none of this happened. What is going on in your brain? Remember when you took that rifle out and tried to shoot

me? God. Do you remember when you tried to decapitate that maid at the hoedown? What are you talking about? When you hurled a grenade at the mechanical bull, that was just inappropriate. Oh, so the mechanical bull part. So I was cooking some mushroom soup,

which turned out not very good because apparently you should not saute mushroom. I mean, you shouldn't saute onions for mushroom soup because then it tastes like onion soup with mushrooms in it okay there's your tip guys there's my maya anjali tip for the week yes the onion and the mushroom are friends in kind but beware the onion i was checking the caramelization on my onion so i missed this but did somebody did somebody set somebody else up oh my god i can't believe you missed this so they were all doing the mechanical bull and you know it was just the typical

mechanical bull thing heather gets on there and she becomes convinced first of all that it was going faster for her which is a lie it was going as fast as for anyone else just that when you get on mechanical bull it goes a little faster than you might expect even when it's going slowly but so she immediately thinks that someone's out to get her she thinks that tamra has somehow for anyone else, just that when you get on a mechanical bull, it goes a little faster than you might expect, even when it's going slowly. So she immediately thinks that someone's out to get her. She thinks that Tamara has somehow caused the mechanical bull to go faster. So then Tamara gets on, and Heather says explicitly, you see her saying it, and she's like,

turn it up, make sure it goes fast, make sure it goes fast. So Tamara's on there, and she gets flung off, and she lands awkwardly, or she gets boppedped on the arm and she thinks she's broken her arm. And then Heather's like, why was it going so fast? It shouldn't be going that fast. Fire him. She literally says fire him about the guy, the poor dude who's running this bull. And of course, Tamara goes off and goes to the urgent care and she's fine.

She just basically has a bruise. But Heather kept on being like, I can't believe this happened. I wonder how this could happen. I can't believe you would make it go so fast. I'm like, bitch, you were the one who told him to go faster. Oh, what a bitch. She's gonna get it at the reunion. Oh, big time. Oh, I wish I had seen

that because I totally would have read the Bravo blogs this week because you know Tamara's like, you bitch. You bitch. And by the way, Olivia Gordon, I'm sorry, Olivia Corden said, are these women just dumb, dumb, dumb? The only one who had good sense was Lizzie who said to ice it, a.k.a.

Tamara's arm. And by the way, if Tamara's arm was broken, she would have been screaming bloody hell. Dr. Terry should know this, right? You're right. Like, shouldn't, I feel like there were multiple doctors there who could have been like, oh, you're probably okay. If you want to know how good of a doctor Dr. Terry is, look at his wife's

frightening fucking face. That man doesn't know what he's doing. Just because he does it to a lot of people and makes a lot of money doing it doesn't mean he's good at it. Heather seriously looks... She looks... I don't even know how to explain it. She looks like one of those little sock puppets that you glue marbles onto

for the eyes. She's crazy looking. She looks like... What were those puppets from the 80s? Like of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. And they were used in the Land of Confusion video. Oh, yeah.

They had a whole show on those didn't they? Yeah they did. That's what she looks like. Oh god. I'm looking right now at BravoTV.com. You're welcome Bravo for that plug to our millions of lists. Spitting Image. By the way it was a British public thing. They're called Spitting Image.

I was in the, Tamara, I was in the middle of Shannon and Heather. So I thought the headline would be, Tamara, Heather's a bitch. So never mind, I'm not even reading this. I don't care. But I love that Tamara is reveling in the fact that she is not the villain. She has nothing to do, really, with any fights.

The only fight she had was with Heather, and it was over in two seconds because she didn't fight her. And she's kind of being the nice one which is a really odd spot for her to be in well by the way Heather's blog here here's the headline here's the headline for Heather's blog this week Heather here goes the double standard and then here's the deck Heather continues to wonder why everything she does is picked apart but everything Vicki does okay by the the way no everything vicky does gets picked apart also and this again just goes to show

the problem with heather is that she thinks somehow she is more the center of people's attention or center of attention than anyone else you're only right now you're only the center of attention because you're so awful heather heather is awful in her very first paragraph third sentence um oh she says when the episode begins i'm making reindeer food with with katarina in the kitchen as i talk to terry cat had an assignment to bring in a family holiday tradition to school and this is what she chose it's very cute and you can check out my website for details at heatherdebro.com so if you want to know how to put oatmeal into a bag, go to heatherdebreu.com and you'll learn it all. That's called working on your career, people.

It's called career building. Reindeer food. Shut the fuck up, lady. Okay, so the best thing to me is, now that we're doing it, it's going to be my new favorite thing, is just reading the headlines of all the blogs, okay? Yeah. So, Shannon Bidor, the Real Housewives of Orange County. Shannon wonders why she was singled out. Heavenly, I had too much wine.

Heather, here goes the double standard. Frederick, it's about to get dark. Lisa wants everyone to own their truth. Own your truth. Just don't own your cancer. Ramona, I never called Kristen a bad mom.

Sonia. Kristen's being immature. Heather tries to outsmart old Fox Ramona. She calls it her old in her title. Kristen, Josh, and I are in the trenches. I'm loving this. It's like you don't even have to read their whole thing. You get everything from the title. Now, oh wait, here's

Heather's defense of her turning up the bull, whatever. She goes, I got the safest mechanical bull imaginable. Bouncy house material all around it. I am safety girl. Let's be clear about on something. I was joking when I told the guy to turn it up.

He didn't even speak English. And it was before she got on the bull. If I had actually turned it up and she got hurt, I would have been apologizing profusely. It all seems so much faster when you watch it. I'm very sincere when I'm asking if someone told the operator to turn it up because I thought it happened to me as well. I didn't even

remember making the joke when all this happened. I know it looks funky to hear me say, who could have done that when it looked like it was me? All I can say is after drinking champagne all day, I just didn't remember making the joke. Obviously, I must have had a bad case of champsnesia. Oh, God. Thank God Tamara's arm is not broken.

Here's Quad's. Quad says Mariah is category closed. By the way, but I love this. I love Tamara. I mean, what's her face? Stupid Heather saying, like, if I had, listen, if I had turned it up, of course I would have been apologizing. Like, no, that would not hold up in a court of law. You know, like, oh, of course you would have been. Oh, never mind.

The whole point is that you wanted to get back at her and you're an ice cold bitch. And, you know, she's really going against Tamara thinking that Tamara is going behind her back and doing all this shit. And Tamara's actually not. Like, she's doing her best to not turn against Heather. Like, you can see her wanting to,

but she's not really going full force and turning against her. But she's going to now that she sees all this shit that Heather's saying. You know, like when she's with Heather, when she's with Terry and she's like, well, my life is full and I don't need these idiots or whatever she's saying about

that group of friends. That's not gonna bode well for Heather. And I can't wait. I'm just mad at her for using the word champnesia in her blog, in all caps. Champs. Champsnesia. It's like the worst pun of all time.

The worst. All right. Why don't we move on to New York? Well, here's a segue. Sonia's blog title, Sonia, I Run Deep. Oh. Oh, God. Yeah, about as deep as a puddle.

Yeah, not as deep as a puddle. Yeah, not so sonja. So this week centered around Milu, the death of Milu, which happened 18 years ago. And we still haven't gotten over on this show. I mean, Jesus Christ. That dog was 500 pounds and it had mange. It's lucky to live as long as it did. She should have stepped on that little fucker years ago.

I get some of the things that she was saying, that it's more than a dog. It's a tie to a different time in her life. It's a tie to when her marriage was good, when she was financially solvent, when she was no longer at Grey Gardens. I get that and how things have been tough and it was the only thing that was there for at Grey Gardens. I get that and how things have been tough and it was like the only thing

that was there for her unconditionally. So I get that, but it's also been two years. You know what else loves you unconditionally? A goldfish. Because it's stuck in a fucking little bowl. It can't get out and it's waiting for you to get home so you will feed it. Okay? I'm a dog person. You know

I love my dogs. But come on now now they love you because they fucking have to that's the point it's like it's indentured servitude like where's he gonna go where's Bueller gonna go honestly I ask him that sometimes when he gives me side eye I'm like what's your other option Bueller you're gonna get a job

and learn how to open a doorknob and carry a key no you're stuck here so be nice yeah I mean basically Milo's bit is essentially one of Sonia's interns except maybe perhaps a little smarter. You know, that's the only difference here and the point is that they are

in indentured servitude and it's also like, no offense it's a dog. I mean, we love our pets, but. I do. I mean, I was a mess when Xena died for like a month and still will become a mess if I think about it too much. And if Bueller died, oh my God, forget it. He's my little prince.

But the whole like, he loves me unconditionally. Yes, that's true. But I don't know. It's just so sad. It's like gathering all of your friends around to watch you sob about how much your life sucks. It's just... Well, how about her

spiritual healer who came in and like shined these random lights on her and banged a little a drum and little symbols it was like the and all this person did was say like do you feel a weight do you feel a weight and sonia's like yes i feel something the woman's like pressing on her chest she's like now what what do you feel now it's like it just was so it was so ridiculous ramona using me i'm like what is ramona using you for exactly i mean come on she's awful but what is she using you for get some sonya poor thing and then when she's fighting about the young guy that she's having or that she was having sex with that Ramona broke up, and she's like, but, you know, he's saying he loves me, he loves my daughter, and you ruined it. I'm like, honey, if he loved you, he wouldn't have just stopped calling you.

He would have at least gotten, like, a Facebook something. Yeah. He would have gotten an edible arrangement. He's like, here's a cantaloupe shaped like a flower petal. Bye. I spent all my allowance on this. Bye, bitch. Yeah, so that was pretty sad.

And Sonia, like her ex-interns who knew Milou had to be there to help her. And she's like, oh, look at this one. This one we call Melba because she used to bring me tea. And she's like, oh, look at this one. This one we call Melba because she used to bring me tea. I just, I thought it was funny that she did like, you're right, like all these former interns came back to the nest for this like momentous occasion. And she still doesn't know their names. This one is Melba because she used to bring me tea.

Remember when you used to bring me tea? Oh, memories. Wow. We've had such good times together. And meanwhile, she takes Mila's ashes and pours them out all over the sidewalk. I love Harry Dubin. I love that Harry Dubin's like, really? Oh, fucking program. Come on.

Meanwhile. Meanwhile, yes. I was going to say, speaking of Harry Dubin, we also had the return of Eva and her disgusting father, George. And you know what? Last year, he was such a perv, it was sort of funny,

but this year I feel like the joke is up, and now it's just annoying and really gross to me. Well, yeah, it's not a joke. It's just how he is. It's disgusting. He's fucking disgusting. He, like, finds some young, vulnerable girl whose parents are dead. And he's like, I'll take care of you, honey.

She's like, okay. And he gives, like, the most half-assed engagement, like, proposal of all time. He's like, so here's a box. You want to get married? Yeah. And she's like, wow, let's do it. Yeah, that was pretty horrifying. And George talking about the mirror on his bed.

Honestly, I just, I don't even really want to talk about George. He's gross. I wonder what Fran Drescher thinks about him. She must hate him. Oh, yeah. I don't know that Fran Drescher probably sees anyone very much. You know what? Fran Drescher is pretty insufferable, too, because she started doing this thing where she thinks she's like a politician. You know, she's one of those people who's been on TV, so she thinks she's smart.

And it's like, honey, you're on TV playing like the biggest bimbo of all time. You're not smart. She's like, well, here's what I think about energy conservation. It's like, no, no one cares. Please stop it. I had no idea that Fran Drescher had a political agenda. She does. I'm like, that's just the girl from UHF. UHF?

She was in that. I know, but wow. What a cast. It was her and Victoria Prince of No, no. No, you know Victoria the crazy... The one from SNL, right? Who's also become very political in the worst way.

Oh, yeah. Victoria Jackson. Yeah, she's like crazy right-wing political. Yeah, Victoria Jackson and Michael Richards. And Rial Yankovic. Yeah, that was a good one. What more could you ask? And also that rock and roll movie,

that docu-comedy thing. What was that? Spinal Tap. This is Spinal Tap. Oh, Fran, just be quiet. Our point is, Fran, be quiet. Okay? Wait, Fran Drescher was in Spinal Tap?

I think so. You know, I've only seen parts of Spinal Tap. I haven't seen all of it. How dare you? I know, and I've seen all the other Christopher Guest things, so it's bizarre. What do you think? seen all the other Christopher Guest things So it's bizarre What do you think What's happened to Christopher Guest

I haven't seen a funny Christopher Guest in a while Well he has a TV show Of some sort Wasn't that that thing that Ireland Finding your family in Ireland or something I think that was a big fail I couldn't watch that one Come back to us

You're one of the brilliant minds of our generation. Come back. So anyway, speaking of brilliant minds, so I guess nothing really happened at Aviva's dinner party. It was just basically George being a perv and everyone being disgusted by

him, right? Yeah, he's gross. Okay, now let's move on to Carol, because she was my favorite part of the episode. Yeah. Carol's like, like i'm not very organized so i want an assistant so i put it on the twitter that i want an assistant and i'm using ramona's office and a bunch of a parade of crazies came through to interview to be aviva's i I mean, Carol's assistant. What say you? Well, first of all, it takes a lot of balls to interview people at Ramona's office. That, to me, was the

funniest thing. And I loved how, like, during the entire process, Ramona kept swinging around in her chair, being like, oh, well, no. She's like, you don't have your resume? I mean, you need to have a resume. The only reason why I don't have a resume is because my father, he used to always go out for a job. So, okay.

So when he went out for a job, he would need a resume. And it's very painful for me to have a resume. But you should have a resume. One time, I remember when I was young, my mom wanted to get out of the house and start working in the Berkshires because she was really depressed at home. And so she typed up a resume. And my father came home and he grabbed the resume and he hit her on the head with it. And it's, you know, now when I see resumes, I get super depressed.

You know, growing up, my father, he loved French food. He would always eat nothing but French food, croissants and a dufes, everything that was French he would eat. So now to this day, anything that's French I can't deal with, okay? So one of those things is a resume because that's a French word. So I can't have a resume. It's too French for me. I was wondering where you were going.

I'm sorry. I can't have a resume. I'm sorry. You know, even when you press stop on the VCR and you're waiting to start big business all over again and it's just up there and it says resume i keep thinking of resume and i start crying my least favorite month of the year is may because it rhymes with resume and often during may i always think that this is actually a a month when my father comes back from the dead and tries to hand me his resume because i'm a very successful woman okay because my mother always said you always have to have your own business okay but i will not take my father's resume

because he was very abusive to me oh my god oh ramona first of all ramona don't have an office what does ramona need an office for well she has to do sell her um skincare Well, I have my skincare and I have my jewelry and I also sell fitness regimens now and I sell my wine and my other spirits, my rosé. It's very important. I have to sell these things and I need an office.

That's what you do. Oh, gosh. She doesn't do anything. Doesn't she have other people doing that for her? She has Avery, maybe. It's good to cry. So she have other people doing that for her? She's Avery, maybe. It's good to cry. So she was interviewing people, and Carol's questions, of course, were like,

Have you ever read my book? Do you know who the Kennedys are? On what date do you first fuck a guy? Did you cum during this interview? Do you take your dentures out to give a blowjob? Do you use a dental dam on your cereal spoon? I don't know why she would do that, but... It's a question, that's all.

I don't. Do you give dirty Sanchezes? I don't even think dirty Sanchezes. I don't even think she ever hired anybody. But that was the most fun part for me to watch. I don't know why. Just because A. Carol needs an assistant, she doesn't really do anything. Yeah. Well, hopefully she hired the one girl who actually read her book.

You know she didn't. You mean the girl from ABC? Yeah. No, I don't think she actually read it. She should have given her a test. Okay, so here's a test on my book. If you've read it, you'll know the answers. How many times have I stuck my own toe in my vagina?

How many times have I stuck JFK Jr.'s toe in my vagina? What was Robert's nickname for me? How much fuel goes in a small privately owned airplane from the 60s? When you think of rancid trout, what does it make you think of? Rancid trout? Rancid trout? Rancid Trout? Oh, Carol.

What else happened in this Real Housewives of New York? I didn't write anything. Well, so the other thing that happened was that, so Kristen was hired to do this exercise video, and so then her husband Josh, who, as she pointed out, you know, had no time to come home to attend to their son's therapy. But then all of a sudden was lingering around her video shoot. And in between takes, he was like, oh, I hope this helps her get rid of her pooch.

Or how long until she gets rid of her pooch? Or things like that. Like, oh, well, she'll be exhausted soon if that's, if the Spartan race is any indication. Like, he's just being like a total asshole. They're like, make an effort. He's like,

don't have her make an effort. She'll just quit. Ooh, ouch. He's such a dick. He was like, outbundying her the whole time,

poor thing. And he sits there with his stupid smile on his face. Ugh. Yeah. I know kids like, I feel like I grew up

with kids like that, kids like that from a Hebrew school. I'm not saying this from an anti-Semitic place but there's like a certain brand of Jewish kid that I know and who are so

insecure that they just are very nasty it doesn't have to be that they're Jewish really but I see in Joshua I've seen a lot of kids I remember from my Hebrew school you can be Christian and awful too don't worry. With those half-closed eyes.

He's so arrogant. But he's saying, I feel like I get to oversee you because he got her the job. And that's the thing with people like Heather. It's like she's with somebody who's blatantly abusive to her. Yeah, whatever.

She looks like a Heather, doesn't she? With the blonde hair. Blondie. But I'm turning into Vicky. What's your name? I can't remember. It's too hard. But, you know, I just go on the same rant every week with her. But basically, she marries an old grouch

who's rich, and she's still letting him get her jobs. It's like, that's not the way to not be controlled well no but listen it's okay to like use your connections to get a job for your wife or your spouse or whatever but he doesn't have to be there for it like he can you should be at work well you know that's ridiculous yeah but what i'm saying is if she needs to escape her husband she needs to like go out and start getting jobs for herself and not be relying on that pig. That guy's disgusting.

She shouldn't even be with that guy. And I have a feeling she signed a prenup because otherwise, who would still be with him? Yeah, I agree. I think he's actually a vile human being. Yeah, he really is. So what else happened in this? Because I don't think I have any. I hate ending it on a sad note.

It's like a piece of relationships bye everybody see you next week well Ramona and Sonia buried the hatchet um and um let's see did Heather do anything no I don't think Heather did anything

she was just being like hi Pookie what's up my little Pookie oh you're so sweet. You're so pretty. I mean, and she loves talking about the singer Stinger. I'm like, I have not actually accepted that as a Ramona-ism. Yeah, that's another Sam.

Yeah, because it's like, exactly. It's when Kristen was retelling what happened with Ramona when they met last week and how Ramona couldn't believe that someone would call her a monster. And then Heather's like, well, she has many names, like Singer Stinger, copyright 2014 by Heather Thompson. We get it.

And also, well, my favorite of those was Luann's Ramona Pinopolar. Pinopolar, yeah. Ramona, I mean, Luann loves this, because, you know, Lu, yeah. Ramona, I mean, Luann loves this. You know Luann despises Ramona. And she just loves watching all the girls go after her. Yeah, she doesn't even have to do anything.

I miss Luann. I want her to be on the show full time. No, they better bring her back next season as a full time cast member. I want to know what's happening with Jacques. And her children. Jacques be friendly. Jacques be whatever. But Jacques is no more.

I'm sorry. I tried to do a nursery rhyme and I kind of just lost steam midway through. Well, you know what? You know who else tried to rhyme and lost steam? Maya Angelou, which brings us full circle. She really she truly lost her steam from the beginning of our podcast. So everybody, thanks so much for listening. You can find this show every week on Stitcher, wherever else.

You can find us online and come talk to us about all the shows, the nights that they air, and come talk about stuff you want to talk about on the podcast at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens. You can also tweet us at whatcrappens on the old tweeter. And you can find Ben at all the social media outlets at B-Side Blog. And you can find me, Ronnie Karam, on Vine at Ronnie Karam, on Twitter at Ronnie Karam, or Trash Tweet TV, or Instagram at Trash Talk TV, or Tumblr at Trash Talk TV Recaps. Thank you guys so much for being here. We will see you next time.

Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts,

Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash

wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. On Monday, Josh Leibarger made his status, Case of the Mondays, followed by a frowny face.

It got one like and five comments, including dislike. Well, Josh Geico also wants to make a comment to turn that emojis frown upside down. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. With all that extra dough, why not give Monday a makeover?

We see an office party in your future hosted by you. Hashtag happy face. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.