Watch What Crappens - #130: Gross Embarrassing Americans of London?

Episode Date: June 5, 2014

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) talk the new Ladies of London. It?s a damn wonderful mess. Also on tap, Kandi?s Wedding, RHOC, RHONY, and Married to Medicine. Come on in! Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ends 295 because it's $2.95 for whatever you're going to buy. Well, it has to be a new.com or transfer. I just got that. I'm glad you explained it. So original. Why don't you just start a website about how original that deal is? So everyone, godaddy.com WWC2952.95,

and you get a new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95. Hey everyone, But when it comes to a trap, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Jurassic Park. I am at my parents' house, which might as well be in Jurassic Park because it's just as remote. And that's also why my audio is not as good as usual. You can find me at bsideblog on Twitter and Instagram and all those fun places. And joining me this week, as always, is my faithful compatriot,

the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Jeez, it sounds like you've been around an awkward marriage all weekend. Who says that? My faithful companion. Faithful companion? I thought it was compatriot. You could say that also.

Oh, okay. My faithful compatriot. Well, I'm happy to report my parents' marriage is not awkward at all. Okay, good. It's a lovely place after 44 years. Wow, I was worried. I'm not anymore. Yeah, yeah, Mandelkers.

Maybe my words are coming out strangely because I've just been spat at by the monster that killed Newman. I think your words are coming out funny because you're with your parents, and so you're trying to use as big words as possible so you don't have to apologize for doing a Housewives podcast. Yeah, probably that too. Yeah. So Ronnie... I'll take it from here, okay? You can find me at TrashTalkTV.com. There's a lot of Bravo blogs.

Personally, I'm on Twitter at Ronnie Karam or Trash Talk TV on Twitter at Trash Tweet TV. Or come over to my YouTube channel, which is Trash Talk TV, but T-E-E-V-E-E. And watch some Survivor and some Big Brother videos. Big Brother's about to start up again, so those will be happening again this year. And that's all for me. Thanks. Oh, I'm so and some Big Brother videos. Big Brother's about to start up again, so those will be happening again this year. And that's all for me.

Thanks. I'm so excited for Big Brother. And in the meantime, if we haven't thrown enough social media crap at you, here's one last one, which is to like our podcast on Facebook. You can go to Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crap Is. You can like it. We have a bunch of likes. We are almost at 2,500 likes. Someone help get

us over the edge. The recent people who have liked us are Amber Willis, Lisa Olin, Melissa Thier, or Thier, Thornton, Andrea Samid, I'm probably butchering everyone's name, Sakina Hanel Winter, Deanne Goh, Deanne Goff, I'm not sure. Oh, everyone's name. Sakina Hanalwinter. Deanne Goff.

I'm not sure. Oh, here's one. Lourdes Alcaraz. You guys all have strange names. It's very difficult for me to say. Yeah, you guys should definitely come over because the Facebook page is really fun for a couple of reasons. We post on the nights of the Housewives shows so people come and talk to each other. the nights of the housewife shows so people uh come and talk to each other and then we post our shows there so people instead of commenting on stitcher or whatever will just go on there and

discuss the show which is fun so it's a place to tell us to fuck off if you need to which is always you know more than welcome to happen a couple times this week and you know what honestly i'm just i'm thankful you guys listen to the show and i'm thankful to be told to fuck off sometimes i wonder why I'm not being I wonder like what's wrong why is no is nobody listening to the show are they just commenting on Facebook why are you not being told to fuck off more I feel like I should have been pulled off the internet a long time ago yeah some of the reason I do this is because I'm just kind of an insensitive prick and somehow doing it

in a comedic way has always gotten me by and sometimes it fails miserably so sorry when that happens but you know come tell me to whatever and thanks for listening to the show love you and that's all for this week thanks everyone bye but yeah today on the watch what crappens page so it's facebook.com slash watch what crappens and today I mean what 20 minutes ago i put we're doing a show and there's like 31 comments of of shit to talk about already so yeah come join that page and also on twitter we are at what crappens yeah um so please everyone uh come join us help us get to 2500 likes that'd be fun and then after that we can go we can shoot for 10,000.

Or am I just being too greedy? I don't know, because they changed the way that... Oh, we're 2476. That's so bad, guys. That's only 24 more people. And then we will only have 7,500 more people to reach 10,000. Wow. We're almost there. Well, why don't we just do what everyone else does and buy that shit?

Yeah, maybe we should. But, you know, it's funny. Pull a Jill Zarin. Yeah, exactly. Well, there's one thing that we can't buy ourselves into, and that is London Society. You guys, London Society is the only thing that's hard to penetrate on the ladies of London. Because those slags have more holes in them than a six-pack. It's been used for air rifle practice.

I'm not proposing necessarily that we talk about Ladies of London first, but I do want to say that there was some good TV on Bravo this week. There was a lot of stuff thrown at us, and I enjoyed actually almost all of it. There was a lot this week. There was so much this week.

It was uncomfortable. I sat here wondering, like my neighbor hates me. I found out my neighbor hates me because now that my window is open with the air conditioner unit stuck in it her bedroom is right on the other side of that and so she has to listen to whatever is going on in my apartment. And so I don't really blame her. And I know that every time another

Housewives theme comes on she just gets more and more homophobic. But I felt so guilty this week because there was so much. There was so much good stuff. So what do you, let's just skip gossip. Was there any noteworthy gossip that we have to talk about? I don't even know. I couldn't even, I could not spend any time reading about these bitches because

there's like, we've got like 30 slags we've got to follow right now on the TV. I know. It's crazy. So where do you want to start? Well, I took notes, but they're all, I mean, there was so much. It looks like, if I ever commit suicide, people are gonna have so many theories, because stuff like this is right. It's written down. B's son has a band-aid, put feet on couch.

What does that mean? It means Brianna's son has a band-aid because motherfucker put his feet on the couch and Ryan beat the crap out of him. That's exactly what that means. That poor kid. He's getting – well, we'll get to that kid in a moment. Ladies of London. All right.

Let's do Ladies of London. Let's honor the segue that I created. I love this show. Right out of the bat, I feel like this is the show – this is like if you added 15 to 20 years on all the gallery girls and sent them across the pond, this is the show that we would have. It's hilarious. I didn't watch the preview when it came out because i was either did i i just couldn't i was like oh we'll deal with it when we have to i'd like i had a really bad attitude about it um and wow was that unfounded because what a hilarious fucking show i had no idea that it was all american women and i didn't know it was like okay so if you guys didn't it, it's half American women who have had to move to London because of their husbands, basically.

And then the other three, one is like a legit celebrity in London. One was best friends with Alexander McQueen, and she's kind of like the dumpy ex-model. I mean, her dumpy model pictures would rival Ramona's any day. She sort of looks like the cross between Shannon Doherty and one of the little girls from the movie In America. One of the little Irish girls. And a current day Julie Andrews without any makeup. Or what's her face? What's the name of that British actress with the black hair who's on 30 Rock the first season and then she's also in Match Point?

Her. Judy Davis? No. She's like she's a very well, she's a very good actress. Oscar the Rapper. Anyway. Judy Dench, you know? No, I can't remember her name at all, but her too.

Really great reference on my point. So, yeah. So her and then what's the other yeah my brain can't register that right now you know why because i put vodka in my starbucks and that's that's the kind of night we're gonna have tonight we're doing this a little later than usual um i'm going to a cocktail party later where i don't know anybody and so i put some vodka in my coffee and we'll see where it leads us. Oh, yeah.

The other lady on Ladies of London is a... Oh, okay. So she's an American girl. Wait, first there's Caprice, who's like a celebrity. She's an American who's been living in London for 18 years and has been accepted as

an honorary Brit because she's famous. And she has a fake British accent like Madonna. And yet at the same time, she's from Hacienda Heights, California. Oh, my God. Okay, so this woman looks like, if you guys watch The Real Housewives of Canada, what was it called? Sydney? Real Housewives of Sydney? What was it?

Did you ever watch it? I didn't. There's Melbourne also, which is awesome. No, I didn't watch Melbourne. No, it wasn't Australia. It was Canada. Real Housewives of Canada? I didn't. There's Melbourne also, which is awesome. No, I didn't watch Melbourne. No, it wasn't Australia. It was Canada. Real Housewives of Canada. I don't know. So that one, it looks like the ex-pop star from that one.

And she even talks like her. But she is like an ultra slut. And she's really stupid and shallow. And she says things like, I'm so famous. When I came here, they accepted me. I mean, I was such a star that I made, I mean, they would just take pictures. I'd make like $15,000 an hour with photographers taking my, how does that happen? Like every time they take a picture, like someone puts a deposit on Facebook,

you dumb slack. You did not ever make $15,000 a second getting your picture taken. I mean, for crying out loud, her name is Caprice, okay? She's named after a Chevrolet that's used as a cop car. Her face looks like an earthworm being pushed through a colander. She's a poor man's Jolie Richardson. Oh my god. Jolie Richardson is kind of a poor man's Jolie Richardson. I know. Jolie Richardson's like a poor man's Uma Thurman or something.

Yeah, so the basic point of this show is that everybody really wants to be a part of London society, but the Americans can't because they're just not allowed in London because they have things like titles. Yeah, and also, let's be honest, Americans are trashy. I mean, one of my favorite parts about this show

is that it's basically an hour long of snobby Brits talking about how awful Americans are, and for some reason, I'm on the British people's side. Well, the thing is, like, you're not. At least we have dentists here. And you know what, you guys? You walk around wearing fucking plaid ascots when you're, like, 40 years old. You dress like we dress our five-year-olds to go to Catholic school.

You know, like, what is that, catechism class or, like? I don't know. I'm Jewish. Well, whatever. You guys have your gay children dressing too all right i've seen it uh but yeah it's a whole different society where people go look at horse races and and you're not allowed to cheer or act happy because you'll look like a ghost american well one of my favorite things that caprice did as long as we're still talking

about caprice is um she she's gotten knocked up by this boyfriend, and she's looking at the ultrasound. Like, she must be, I don't know, like three months pregnant, four months, and they've got the ultrasound going, and she's like, oh, he's so handsome. He's so handsome. I'm like, lady, it's like a grainy picture of a fetus. I'm sorry. Like, I know what handsome is, and that's just not it.

He may grow up to be handsome, and he may be a cute baby but he's a fetus and this is not handsome yeah right now there's just some sperm in your gut and it's really gross to look at so thanks a lot yeah it's like it's uh now her accent's gonna be hard because it's like not really British and not really American it's just sort of slurry and generally European at this moment yeah she, she's still pretty American. But the thing is, one thing where they're really catching up to us, those faces. Oh, my God. I walked into Whole Foods West Hollywood the other day.

It'd get me a little salad bar. And it just happened to be crazy hour where everybody with those squeezed back faces was in line. And it just was so creepy walking past that line. And that's what this show looks like. Creepy, creepy faces. Even the most beautiful one who I think is like the only legit,

like pretty celebrity Brit, right? Like the blonde one. Who's like a horrible mean line. Yeah. It's going to be awful. You know, well,

she's awful slash awesome. She's going to be like Liz from gallery girls. The one that we're supposed to really hate because you know, she's like that Asianian stepped on my painting but if you haven't watched gallery girls go back and watch it because it's just one of like a million gems on that show um but uh but i like her but you know she's not like if i may be catty she's not that pretty and actually what's funny is i'm on the bravo page right now looking at the cast so i can get their names and as as high as as much as she wants to talk about how how upper class she is and how she's part of the aristocracy and how she's friends with the royals

her picture makes her look like a perky accountant from kansas oh poor thing i think she's actually really pretty. She's just got that like, yeah, she does have kind of a perky all-American look. But then she's got like sleeping bag lips where they're just like a fat person in a sleeping bag. Well, apparently Caroline has some sort of fame in London as a Brit, as a socialite. Because this other girl, this American, Marissa, who at first I thought seemed pretty cool, when she meets Caroline, she just up and kisses her ass. We're talking like Aviva to Carol style. She's like, oh, my God, like, I just love your nose,

and I love your bags, and I went to your website, I love your website, and I love your Twitter. It's so great, and your hair is wonderful, and I love your dress, and I love that mole you have on your neck. Yeah, okay, so let me, I'm watching the video right now. Well, I have it pulled up on my screen because I forget stuff easily, So let me, I'm watching the video right now. Well, I have it pulled up on my screen because I forget stuff easily.

So I figured, just bring up the video. So, okay, this is what they said about her. Caroline is a member of the Vesti family. Their combined wealth is over $1 billion.

She runs, hold on, Caroline runs an elite gift service that caters to luxury connoisseurs. AKA, makes her sound like she has like a madam, right? Yeah, basically, yeah. And I don't understand if you're so rich why you're working. I don't buy it.

There's something fishy there. Yeah, what's up with that? And on top of that, if I may, I couldn't help but notice that she married one of my people, a.k.a. a Jew. And I feel like if there's something that I really suspect about the royals and aristocracy is that they hate Jews. Is that just me? Well, no, I think that that's maybe slight Jewish paranoia, but it's not that everyone hates you guys. We're fucking jealous. I mean, you guys are your money management skills are beyond belief. Listen, I'm,

maybe I'm just still reeling over Prince Harry wearing a Nazi uniform to Halloween, but I just feel like that's a bold move for Caroline. Well, he tried making it up

for you with all those naked pictures. That's true. That's true, and I did welcome that. And then he was dating that waitress from San Diego, which kind of made him hotter.

Is that strange? Um, no. Okay um no okay i mean listen i applaud her i applaud her for being open-minded and everything and i think everyone her family made billions of dollars they made some bad investments and she married a jew to fix it all that's how i'm looking at it you know then she's very smart exactly that's what we do okay now Capri. So now I'm looking at all these. The only thing that really moves on Capri still, her mouth moves like a puppet because her jaw hinges still. And then her eyes can open and close. And so that's all she can do is open and close her eyes really wide. And it's really hilarious to watch her.

She's got Kyle Richards lizard licks where she's always licking her lips because they're so numb she can't tell if saliva's drooling down her face. And then her eyes blink a lot. And that's pretty much it with her. But watching her talk about being so famous, and then seeing pictures from the 80s, and then back to her scary alien face. I'm gonna love this show.

I know, it's so wonderful. Alright, next cast member. Who's next? Okay, hold on, I'm fast forwarding Oh, she has, by the way, she has some kind of lingerie company And they're like, it makes six million dollars a year And I'm like, that's not a lot of money, right? I mean, if you're like super rich And in London, six million dollars doesn't buy you anything

It costs like double what it costs there As New York Double, double, what am I trying to say? My God, my English is. Okay, there you are, Ben. I'm back. By the way, I really have to apologize. I don't know, but I really, like, for the listeners who have to hear these noises behind me, I'm so sorry.

There's nothing I can do about it. There are, like, bullfrogs going on now. It truly sounds like the jungle outside my window, and it's a situation. It's actually quite peaceful. It sounds nice. Is it? Yeah, it's, like, really relaxing. I was afraid that I was, like, going to be annoying our listeners.

So now I'm watching Caprice and the bitchy English one with Ternate Caroline. I'm watching them have lunch, and it's really funny watching them open their mouths in slow motion, because seriously, nothing else will open on their face. They're like those Guinness commercials, the little animated guys, and they talk. Their lips go up and down. They're like hungry hippos. Okay, now I'm looking at the terrible model pictures. commercials when those little animated guys when they talk their lips go up and down the like hungry hippos okay now i'm looking at the terrible model pictures of this god blesser noelle or oh no annabelle annabelle nielsen yeah he's like i'm like alexander mcqueen we were here i was his muse

we are best friends we were best friends i don't know what I'll do without him. I don't know at all. I can't live without him. And everyone's like, poor darling. She hasn't been the same since Alexander. When was that? A long time ago, right? Like four years ago. Three or four years ago. Okay.

I mean, I'm not going to take it over because that's really mean. But I don't know. Get a hobby. Or something else. Go meet other people. I know. But you know what though? I like her because she seems like the most stuck up out of all of them.

She was like, later on in the episode when they went to a pole match and the stupid American, the stupidest of them all, Juliet, was like, oh, did they hit the ball with a club? And she's like, eh, a club. I can't believe she said it. And then everyone's like, it's a mallet. It's not golf. It's a mallet.

And Juliet's like, oh, like a croquet mallet? She's like, not quite. Yeah, I love that she's just like purely miserable. I love that she's not, there's no fakeness about her. She's like, hello, I'm Annabelle. I'm miserable all the time. Alexander was my darling. He's dead now.

I don't want to leave my home. I want to kill myself. If I kill myself, just read Alexander McQueen articles to discover why. It's like, Jesus, lady. Lighten up a little over there. I know.

She's like, the only reason why I have not killed myself is because the entertainment of watching an American figure out the difference between a club and a mallet is too great for me to die. One thing

I wrote about Caprice is they shove under her, you know, her titles, they're like, Caprice, she's an ex-model. She's dated Rod Stewart and Dennis Quaid. Wow. Wow. Really hit the big time.

That's quite a resume. Especially Rod Stewart there. That's like showing up at a fine dining restaurant with Denny's on your resume. Get the fuck out of here. Dennis Quaid. Wait, stop. Dennis Quaid is actually pretty hot. Dennis Quaid. He is actually really hot.

Dennis Quaid has lived longer than a turtle. Dennis Quaid may look like a piece of worn out leather right now but it's like a hot piece of leather Dennis Quaid looks like one of those new trash bags that flex have you seen those? they look small but they get really big the more trash you shove in them they're all dimpled and awful I think he reminds me of Crave Beef Jerky which is that it looks like gross

and old and doesn't look like anything you would ever want to put in your mouth he reminds me of Crave beef jerky, which is that it looks like gross and, you know, old and doesn't look like anything you would ever want to put in your mouth, but the truth is that it tastes fabulous. I don't care what beef jerky tastes like. Put a little mustard on it and it's fantastic. And I'm not advocating that people try to lick or chew

on Dennis Quaid, but the point is that even leathery things could have great qualities to them. Beef jerky. Dennis Quaid. I'm still mad at him for messing up with Meg Ryan. You know? I thought they were going to last forever. No, no, no.

He didn't mess up with Meg Ryan. She messed up with him. What'd she do? She cheated on him with Russell Crowe. She did not. Oh, yes, she did. Russell Crowe doesn't even take baths. Well, look at Meg Ryan.

Look at her face. Does her face look like it takes a bath? Oh, poor Meg Ryan. It looks like that's all she does. You know that she's like, it's been five minutes. I need to exfoliate. I'll be right back. You hear her crying from the bathroom.

Meg Ryan. I'm doing a search right now. Meg Ryan cheating. Look, that's one of the first things that comes up. Meg Ryan I'm doing a search right now Meg Ryan cheating that's one of the first things that comes up Meg Ryan cheating yeah she was a cheater whatever like he doesn't cheat

he's always in Austin with his air quotes banned he's got those old ladies hanging all over him look there's a headline from 2011. It goes, is Meg Ryan a homewrecker again? Oh, Meg Ryan. God bless her.

She had daddy issues. Uh-oh, that's jumping to Real Housewives of New York. Your parents are dead. Okay, so the next one from Ladies of London. This is, let me see. Who's this's this bitch noelle i guess is her name noelle is sort of like a poor woman's uh portia de rossi although she's actually noelle's really very pretty so it makes it sound like she's not pretty she looks like that porn star who is in uh john waters movies what's her name tracy lords yes i think she looks like tracy lords

maybe yeah i guess i could see some of it. Maybe Tracy Lords. Imagine a dick in her mouth. Imagine a dick in her mouth. Oh, okay. Right? Do you see it? Do you see it?

Sort of. Anyone? Anyone? Okay, so she's... Noelle is her name. She's your typical gold digger hoe who's never done anything, but she describes her life as how hard she's worked to get where she is which basically means she got off the plane started fucking rich guys and she's

finally found like a nice apartment to live in it's like congratulations wow and she's she's apparently uh screwing with this guy who is like beyond rich like he's massively massively rich but um he's a little gatsbyish and that he doesn't like his his wealth comes from mysterious ways so mysterious that he was thrown in jail for a few months as a result of it yeah he wouldn't he wouldn't give up his uh partners tycoon jailed over divorce cash secrets wife says bankrupt has two billion dollars hidden i mean two billion dollars i mean go for it you you did hit kind of the jackpot, girl. Except his wife is probably going to get

most of it, so that's what he's fighting now. He's still in divorce court trying not to let his wife have everything. So all of his money is tied up, and so she won't marry him, and she's giving him an ultimatum to either get this court stuff finished, or she's going to find another old man because she can't wait until she's older.

I mean, I don't know how young she thinks she is, but... I don't know. She basically is just a classic gold digger. At the end of the day. Yeah, I'm looking at her face right now and she's Tracy Lords played by J-Law. Jennifer Lawrence. She's got that Jedi thing about her.

Well, what was funny about noelle is that um she committed the biggest faux pas of all which is that she wore a hat to opening day at the polo grounds and obviously you only wear a hat to ascot um so this caused a lot of uh derision with the brits and my favorite was caroline who was just like oh it's like, oh, it's almost as if that outfit is wasted here. I wish we could just transpose you to ascot. And she was like, oh, thanks. I love the other girls. Like, no, she actually just tore you apart.

Yeah, hello, we learned that in America because we have My Fair Lady here, everybody, but whores don't go to musicals. I think that that's pretty well established here in America. I think they referred to what Caroline said as a posh put-down. And all I have to say is sign me up. That is my favorite kind of put-down.

Me too, but she's just awful. And I can't wait to see how awful she gets. Yeah, she'll get a lot more awful. I guarantee. So let me see here. Caroline Ray, I wrote. Oh, God, that blonde American girl who looks and talks just like caroline ray when she was younger she's marissa marissa is the one who is kissing up to caroline

she's the one i was talking about before oh i can't stand her sorry sorry for listening to this hey any new bravo people if you're googling yourselves and you happen to come across this podcast because we're probably the only person talking about you right now don't listen to this it's not gonna it's not gonna make you feel better it's gonna make you feel worse turn it off turn it off for christ's sake well like i said i actually liked marissa um i guess so the thing is with marissa is that her husband i believe owns all these super cool nightclubs right and uh caroline's like well i suppose marissa sort of she got her way into into british society by marrying but that's it you know but um i liked her until she started kissing the ass of caroline i was like oh god this girl she does not know how to ingratiate herself well i love that

everybody was just trashing those americans and i loved it. Like the super depressed one was like, the Americans are like dogs. That one's like a poodle because she's all fluffy and pink. That one's like a Doberman. You've got to cut its ears off because they're too big and it won't stop shitting giant piles. And it's like, Jesus lady.

That one's like a Lapsa Opsa. And that's really ethnic. And I don't want it around. And if I see one, I just want to kick her. She's like, that one's like a greyhound. Too skinny and just runs around in circles. To a die. This show is going to be so much fun.

I cannot wait to watch the rest of the show. Because I love that it set up Americans versus Brits. I think that's going to be so much fun. I cannot wait to watch the rest of the show because I love that it set up Americans versus Brits. I think that's going to be so, so funny. And how many episodes is it? Do you know? Oh, I hope it's like a thousand. I hope the first season goes for three years because I can't get enough.

And by the way, you haven't mentioned Juliet or Juliet. Her name, I think, is Juliet. Oh, God. She's the worst. She's the American brunette who's like this really perky American with a really big Midwest accent and she you can just see that when she walks into any room

all the Brits just keel over it's like those old commercials like would you please pass the jailer you know like remember for Paul and her all fruit and all the British people in the commercial pass out with this big Texan that's what this girl is she's like walking into every room. She's like, who wants some tea?

I have the middle tea. Part of being a Brit is being reserved and quiet. And then they show her playing tennis and she's like, Ah, shit, I lost another one. Jesus. Hey, where'd you hit that to? Didn't hit it to me, loser. Oh, God.

Oh, no. where'd you hit that to didn't hit it to me loser oh god no no no well but what i do the one thing that i do like about juliette is that she doesn't seem to be putting on air she's just like this is who i am and you have to loosen up as opposed to noel did go to get tea juliette's like oh i'll have something fun like the monkey wonky like mango tea and then i was like i'll just have some earl gray whatever they're all funny bitches a they're on a reality show and b this one is her mango tea. And then I was like, I'll just have some Earl Grey. Whatever. They're all funny bitches. A, they're on a reality show. And B, this one is, her whole thing was like, well, when I was younger, I was,

I grew up in wherever, Encino. And so I knew all of these stars. I was friends with Lindsay Lohan. And I was friends with Leonardo DiCaprio. I mean, I was just, I mean, I'm just one of them. I was like, um, bitch, guess who you're not one of? Them.

Okay, you're not. Sorry. Meanwhile, Annabelle's like, she reminds me of an orangutan, you know? Just big old saggy boobs and annoying personality. I just want to go to a different cage at the zoo. That woman's like a giant. You just want to throw a stone at your head

to see if you can make it knock over. She's like a disgusting caterpillar. I just want her to bar herself up into a cocoon and fall off a tree. So, we have so many shows to talk about. I'm sorry to be stingy, ladies of London, but we're moving on. Yeah. If you're not watching, everyone

get on board because this is going to be our summer treat, I can tell already. I hope it got good ratings. I don't know because I have not heard anybody talk about it, and I didn't even know it was on because now I don't have cable, so I heard it was on through our Facebook page. So thanks, Facebook.

I'm a really good co-host of a Bravo show, but I don't even know what's starting. But thanks for telling me because it was really good, you guys. Oh, wait a second. There is an article, oddly enough, from NorthJersey.com that says the ladies of London are driving on the right side of the road for Bravo. So I guess they got decent ratings. Good for them. Wait, does that mean that they're on the wrong side of the road or the right side of the road?

Oh, wait a second. Wait a second. Does that mean they're driving into the wrong side of the road or the right side of the road? Oh, wait a second. Wait a second. Does that mean they're driving into oncoming traffic? Because you never know. You never know with those tricky New Jersey riders. Yeah. Well, they're like, well, our bridges are all closed by the governor, so we have to try to take any lane we can get. Okay.

So. Like, never mind. You know, I was reading something. What did it say? Say it. No, nothing. Nothing. No, I was reading something. What did it say? Say it. No, nothing. Nothing. No, I'm so sorry.

It's because I started reading comments on our Facebook page about what they want to talk about. And I see this New Jersey preview. Can we skip to that really quick? Because, wow. I watched it. I love that Caroline's gone. I love that Jacqueline's gone. I can just breathe better.

Teresa looks great. Even stupid Melissa Egghead looks great. Like, I'm glad to see them. I'm glad to see, you know, like, all the really inappropriate scenes with them and their kids. Where the kid's like, that's a wiener. It's big. And he's like, yeah, I got a big wiener. And, like, even all that stuff I kind of love.

But then who are these new bitches not a fan oh no i am a fan they they are just they're just tacky and crazy that's what i want from the show i want tacky like fake kim d's you know they're too fake it's like they they picked them from an audition where we're supposed to be making fun of the show i mean the show makes fun of itself because they're all horrible people, but you get Dina back, and then you put her with these fucking children who are just trying to get attention on TV?

No, I am all for it. Listen, this show has been dull for the past season and a half. We need something like this. We need this crazy Amanda bitch who, I guess, was Melissa's old friend, and these two twins who are crazy, and they all got crazy husbands.

I am so on board, i can't even tell you the twins are basically ashley from princesses being played by kristen chenoweth now if you can imagine a more obnoxious fucking pair i dare you to name them that's what i want out of my jersey shows i want like women in tight spandex with floral patterns on them i want them with like i want them wearing um lipstick that's like the shade of like like purple metallic you know this is what i want that's what i want out of my new jersey women i don't want like homely people like caroline manzo and jacqueline lorita i want the i want the tacky ass bitches i want to see who Kim D hangs out with. This show's gonna be awful.

And I can't wait. I can't wait. They cannot be putting this shit on too soon. This is too much Housewives. It's too much. No, it's just what we're gonna get. Real Housewives? Okay, right now this is a record. Real Housewives of Orange County. Real Housewives

of London, basically. Real Housewives of Orange County, Real Housewives of London, basically. Real Housewives of New York, and a candy wedding show. That's four shows. That's five shows with women screaming at each other, I can't take anymore! I know, I mean, I know

I felt like I was borderline aneurysm all week, but it was like a fun place to be, I thought. I feel like God's a woman, and she's testing to see if I'm a misogynist. Yeah. Well, we'll get to misogyny in just a moment. I also want to talk about the Game of Crowns preview. Did you get to see that?

I did not, but I cannot wait because my friend Nadine is one of the producers on that show. She's from the old TVgasm, and every time she produces a show, I mean, this girl has really worked her way up that Bravo tree. Yeah, she does the recaps, too. She does on-air stuff for them now.

She's great, yeah. She's on bravotv.com doing a lot of on-air recaps and stuff. She's great. She's a really good girl. She's really positive, really funny. I just love that girl. Why don't we have her on the show, by the way? Oh, is she not allowed to come on the show, probably?

She is, but we'd have to get her to watch seven hours of TV, which I know she's going to be like, okay, I watched it. And then we're going to be like, remember when that happened? And she'd be like, ha, ha, ha, yeah. And she won't know at all. She'll start talking about a tennis match she had a year ago.

But anyway, I'm so glad for her, because this is one of her shows, and I think this is going to be the first one that she's done that's, like, huge. I think this is going to be the first one that she's done that's huge. I think it's going to be huge. So here's the reason I watched the preview, because I actually don't normally watch the preview shows. But I'm at my parents' house. They were watching who knows what on their DVR, and so I had to use the TV upstairs, which had no DVR.

So I turned on Bravo thinking that the Real housewives or that candy was on a marriage medicine and instead this preview special just started so i'm like all right i'll watch i'll see what this is all about and i was like oh my god this looks hilarious it's all like um these just really really trashy women that all are in eastern connecticut and rhode island which to me is such a random place for a reality show to take place that I love it. I love that. It's like the crazy bitches of Connecticut. They're all these women. For those of you who didn't see, they're like most of them are like middle age.

And they're pageant queens. They're up for the Mrs. America crown, which is sort of like, quote unquote, mature women, women who are married, et cetera, et cetera. And they they're all their faces are all screwed up. One woman has done steroids and now she actually looks like a man. It's a point of contention. They all hate each other and they all are trying to undermine each other and they're all competing against each other in different pageants. It's almost perfect.

I cannot wait. I think this show – and you guys correct me if i'm wrong but i think this show premiered on uh tlc last year as a one-off it was like an hour-long show um and then i kept looking for it over and over because someone came on our page and was like did you see that and i couldn't find a repeat i couldn't find it online so i just forgot about it and now boom here it is i think bravo was like we need that there were so many funny moments from the preview i mean i was really laughing out loud the best moment was there was a fight at an airport where i guess two of the women showed up wearing the same outfit

the other one's like i need to address something with you you knew specifically that i'd be wearing this and you still came dressed like that oh my god i can't i can't do it justice i cannot wait okay so while we're speeding through shit, let's get rid of... We've still got some big ones to talk about. So what do you want to get rid of quickly? We've got to get rid of one quickly. I say Married to Medicine. Sure, Married to Medicine.

Nothing really happened this week, except Toya did have a hilarious quote where she was like, Oh, it's called an intelligent conversation. She goes, I have... it's called an intelligent conversation. She goes, it's called an intelligent conversation and I have them all the time with myself in the middle. I'm like, first of all, it's called conversation, not conversation.

So the big one for me was Quad. Rico getting that restraining order was hilarious and the description on it that mariah put to the police was just amazing it was something like what was it was like a giant head and a severe overbite that was that was hilarious also hilarious hilarious was Quad imitating Mariah's stink face. Quad did that with her face. Just this frown. I wish, you know, you can't really... She's like, oh no,

it's not like that. It's a frown. And it really is. She puts up her nose and frowns. I was like, that's very true. Actually, wait, no. Something very funny happened on this episode, which is that Lisa Nicole decided to have a princess party for her kid. And so Mariah showed up late, like really late.

Like an hour and a half late. And so Dwight, of course, Dwight wouldn't let her in. He was like, oh, wait, hold on a second. I just heard a noise in my house. I wonder if that was my dad who just showed up there's probably some gay basher wait let me check i heard it sound like something hold on one second just talk to the listeners i'll be white if that's your dad say the podcast has started oh wait it is my dad what's he want i don't think he came home. But I didn't hear the car, so I'm like, is someone in the house?

Oh. So anyway, so I love that Dwight's such an asshole. I mean, they're assholes for being late, but Dwight's like, you have to wait. You can come in when it's appropriate. There's a presentation going on. What a lame party, too. The lady's like, we're gonna learn about manners. The kids are like, great, awesome. Well, it's about time someone learned about manners on that show.

And so Mariah comes in late. She brings her own flower petals and has people throwing flower petals in her path and her children's path. And then she brings it into the house. So they're throwing flower petals all over the house. And then she knocks over the picture of the princess daughter and crashes it all over the floor. And then heavenly tells her off and tells her she's not a good friend. And then Mariah is like,

this is like a game of chess, honey, but y'all forgot the main rule. Protect your queen. I was like, you are so stupid. A, you don't know how to play chess.

Thank you. That was exactly what I was going to say. I mean, that doesn't even make any sense. And second of all, you're not even on the same team. Why would they protect a queen from another? Even if that was the rule, why would they protect a queen from another? You're so stupid. Get out of here.

How many games of chess has she lost? She was like, I'm going to sacrifice the king. And Tony was like, oh, I guess that's the rule. What I should have did was move the king five spaces. Good. That king is dead. Now he's not going to complain about the bill from the channel book I bought from the furniture store for $900. What I should have did was I should have captured all the pawns because we all know that once you get

all the pawns, you win the game. What about Miss Lucy in this episode? Starting fights with everybody. I rebuke the devil. I rebuke the Satan coming out here. I rebuke you. And then Mariah's sister, Lake,

putting her finger in everybody's face and like trying what is they just need to have this family as a separate show they're just like one big ghetto family they really really are you know and heavenly did the same thing this week where i'm like you know what i said last week that half the time with heavenly i'm i'm sort of saying you know she sort of has a really good point and another half other half of the time I'm like, oh, my God, shut this woman up. But this time, I don't know, I was sort of on her side again. You know, she was like, Miran's like, haven't I always been a good friend to you? And Heavenly's like, no, not really.

No, you haven't. No, from what I've been hearing, you ain't such a good friend to people. No, no, no, I don't think, not from what I've been hearing, you ain't such a good friend of people. No, no, no, I don't think, not from what I've been hearing. No, not from what I've been hearing, honey. I'm having a dark evening. No, not from what I'm hearing.

Not from what I'm hearing. I'm wearing my Cleopatra hair dress. Oh my god. At least Nicole's like, Welcome to my princess party that I'm having for my god. At least Nicole's like, Welcome to my princess party that I'm having for my kids. No one's going to be late for my princess party. If you arrive late,

then you must wait. I would like to give a speech about being a princess. A princess who almost had cancer. Everybody, settle in. I am a princess. A princess who almost had cancer. I would like to thank my husband and my daughter and my son and our neighbors and the mailman and my mother and her husband and all the fans and Twitter and doctors and lawyers.

Shut up. And Facebook and Facebook. Oh,! And Facebook and Facebook and Facebook. Oh no, my teleprompter has gotten stuck. My brain will laterally explore three houses down. Welcome to the New York City cab system. Please keep your hands and feet inside at all times and vote Bloomberg. Thank you. Please remember to take your ticket.

There are no parking attendants on duty. Please do not drink any Coca-Cola on your way out as it might cause almost cancer, which is a devastating almost disease which many people are affected by.

The yellow zone is for loading and unloading only. And that includes cancer. I'm wearing an almost pink ribbon today for all of the survivors of almost cancer. What the hell shade is that ribbon?

I don't even remember her ribbon. No, no, I'm just saying. What's the shade on your ribbon, Lisa Nicole? It's not red, it's not pink, and it's not white. It's almost pink. So all I wrote was Princess Party, Heavenly's Daughter, Doctor Talk.

Oh, because I love the doctors, whenever they have a scene together, which is like every episode now. Instead of just being like, now, didn't you want to beat that bitch up at that party? It's like, well, did you see the fibroids on that spleen of the echinocereus and the dysplodons?

I was like, what? We're doctors. Okay, we get it. Meanwhile, Claude says something that was again did not make any sense and I totally thought of you and I wish I'd written it down things like child you better get out your calculator

because I feel like I hear the square root of shade Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list

on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Black is beautiful. If I ain't just a number with a decimal, honey, it's an attitude that's got a fragment in it. Baby! Oh, my favorite quad line today was, it's inferiorating. She didn't pronounce Swarovski crystals right. What'd she call it?

She called it like... Swarovski or something. Swarovski. crystals, right? What'd she call it? She called it, like... Sarasi or something. Sarasi. And she's like, honey, you expect me to know Swaski crystals, but you don't know how to get to a party on time?

What I should've did was get my crystals from Michael's, because Michael's has a lot of good crystals there. My husband just wants to take care of me with Swaskis. Eugene really likes it when I get some crystals. Yeah.

I really like, Eugene really likes it when I get the swastika, the swastika crystals. What I, what I, what I should have did, what I should have did was tell Eugene, like, okay, I'm going to get some swastika crystals now. Okay, Eugene. What I should have did was, what I should have did was, uh, have a, Have a baby girl So I can have a girl talk to When I'm talking to my boys So I talk to the chair instead And I have intelligent conversations with them

Sometimes I talk to myself in the mirror And I try and teach That girl I see words but she don't learn Stupid I have come here to this mirror to have an intelligent Conversation but like every time I talk You talk at the exact same time but she don't learn, stupid. I have come here to this mirror to have an intelligent conversation, but, like, every time I talk, you talk at the exact same time,

and you say the exact same things, and I'm like, I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation here. I don't even know if she knows whose side she's on, because they started fighting over this stupid couple strip they're going to take

that Quad made a stand, and Moriah's not able to come, and so everybody kind of agreed that that's fine, and then Dr. What's-Your-Bun's had to tell her and so then Toya's trying to turn it around like

I never said that. Well, I said, well, I didn't want to. I don't care if she came. I don't say. What I did say is that I have came here to say things about Eugene and that's about it. I don't care if she have come to the trip. I care that she came AF. I think as long as the drug caza comes on the trip, I'm happy.

I have came on this trip to not be with Mariah, but to be with her. Okay, we have to put the show to bed because there's 18,000 hours of Bravo. Why don't we move on to Real Housewives of Atlanta, Candy's Wedding. Wow, this show. Oh, my God. Nah. Let me tell you something right now. This is the first wedding show or spinoff that I actually enjoy, aside from Vanderpump Rules.

Because it's absolutely un... I mean, it's crazy, okay? Crazy. Mama Joyce is such a C-word. I cannot believe that she's saying the stuff she's saying on TV. She's awful. She's like, Candy, I don't blame Todd for being how he is,

Candy. His daddy's a pimp and his mama's a hoe, Candy. She's a hoe. Now, look. I understand that we do what we gotta do to protect our children i got up at two in the morning some women go out on the street at two in the morning i'm like whoa bitch whoa and is that true or his pants are his pants pimps and hoes i have no idea but you know what though now it's like everyone's gonna think that because this lady has yet to be able to defend herself and mama joyce knows that like

you know she says that she even if it's fake she knows it's out there now it's out there it's like see now when rala talks about people i'm always like raleigh you don't know who you're talking about see now mama she's like todd's dad Mama's a hoe and Dad's a pimp. You know, that isn't right. See, because all I want is for us to be happy in the family, Riley. I'm happy for you, Candy. Did he sign that prenup? Damn, Mama Joyce.

Jeez. See, now, when I was meeting with Riley and Noah and Bertha and Weenie, we're like, see, well, I can't mama be happy for me, but she ain't happy for me at all. Yeah, poor her. Part of me is like, poor Candy, and the other part is like, why have you not either institutionalized this woman or just gotten rid of her? Because she's awful. I mean, that woman's just dead weight.

Cut her off, sweetie. But at the same time, time though todd was a little bit of an asshole this episode because you know in a typical reality show about a wedding form like okay let's throw together a crazy wedding and we're gonna do it in four weeks you know and so candy delegates this all to her crack team of don juan and and carmen and this other guy. So Carmen is also Candy's best friend and assistant and not a wedding planner. And, you know, Candy has said that she wants to have scrolls. Okay. She wants scrolls for the invitation. Scrolls have to be made, have to be designed and they have to go out within like a week probably. And so Carmen and this other guy are sitting there and not getting anywhere and

todd comes in and todd does one of those really annoying things where he yells them as if he has any sort of power um i'm like listen todd you were a three years ago and now you're yelling at barking at these people and he starts saying well candy thinks you're really negative and get it done find a way to get it done just get it done it's like i'm sorry todd sometimes you just can't pull a scroll out of this okay i'm, okay, I'm gonna stand up for that little fella, Todd. A, because I really like and respect short people. I don't know why. It's just

always been a thing with me and want to have sex with them. And B, because Carmen, all she does is bitch and moan. I will say that. Carmen's actually into the office and they're like, scrolls, scrolls, scrolls, that's dumb. We can't do that. Blah, blah, blah. and they're like, uh, scrolls, uh, scrolls, uh, scrolls. That's dumb. We can't do that.

Blah, blah, blah. And he was like, okay, well, if you can't do the scrolls, then what's your other idea? Which, as someone who manages something, that's what you say. Like, okay, if you can't do the scrolls, then did you come up with another idea? Like, maybe we'll, you know, I don't know.

What do you do in Africa? Send them some mosquito netting with an invitation printed on it. I don't know what do you do in Africa? Send them some mosquito netting with an invitation printed on. I don't know. Who knows? Send a mosquito to their house with a deadly disease and an invitation. I don't know what you do in Africa. But come up with something. Don't just say we can't do anything. Because that's terrible.

By the way, the reason why Ronnie is saying Africa is not because Candy and Todd are black, it's because they're having a Coming to America theme. Oh yeah, it's an African wedding. I forgot we didn't say that. So, and also, Scrolls, I don't know why that's African anyway. She just jumped on the first idea that one of the assistants came up with, who turned into the guy complaining with Carmen. It's like, what are you complaining about?

You came up with the idea. If you had said, I think that we should write these on paper bags and send a sandwich to everybody's house they'd be like oh cute we're getting lunch because in africa everybody's starving that's actually cute that's i like that she would have been like okay but they didn't they said scrolls and so she went with scrolls like carmen all she does is sit there and bitch and moan and bitch and moan and whine and sure this is true she does i don't like her attitude either i mean i i basically dislike everyone in that scene. But Todd, there was something about Todd that actually really rubbed me the wrong way. I found him to be very condescending and annoying. Because that's sort of his thing.

Remember in the last season of Atlanta, he just goes and kind of orders people around and barks at them. But I don't actually see him doing anything. Well, that's how you learn as a PA. Haven't you been one? Okay, there's like a chain of people So as a PA you're really only the boss of like two other people and everybody else is above you and they treat you like shit mama Joyce and they boss you around candy and You take that shit all day

But then when you find the two or three people who are below you you make them get you coffee clean your shoes You know, it's just how it works poor thing is that's just how he was raised in the industry poor todd you little thing come here come here don't like the little guy okay i take it all back then no but i do agree with you that um he should not be saying well candy feels that you're negative and candy feels that blah blah that's not cool not. That's really inappropriate. Yeah, and also, I get that he's kind of the boss because it's his wedding too, but he's not paying for it, which is obvious. And he's also not the boss of anything.

So I also agree with you that he needs to shut up. But Carmen, don't give him legs to stand on. Actually, do. Just make them taller. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Now, I love Candy's aunts, Nora and and Bertha who seemed to have had a change of heart since the bridal shower Or not bridal shower. Sorry. Well, since they were trying on the bridal dresses the wedding dresses

You know, they went into big lots in Atlanta and every customer there was like what the hell were you saying about Todd? You don't know anything exactly you imagine being on one of these shows and having people come up and just tell you off in public? Oh, no. I'm sure that's exactly what happened. But, you know, it's sort of like it gets back to what happened at the top of our very own podcast. It's that sometimes, you know, sometimes you need someone to tell you, hey, don't do that. And, you know, I'm not going to hold it against her just because some people cause her to see the light. At least she saw the light.

Yeah, at least they're nice about it. I think it's so funny that they were sitting in that restaurant waiting for Mama Joyce, and they're looking at it like it's the biggest piece of shit ever. And they're like, I've never even been to this restaurant. Me neither. Well, I guess it's cute. I guess it is. I just want some food.

Those ladies are going to kill me. And then when the old lady conversation started, and it was Mama Joyce and her two sisters, when I went pee, as I often do during these shows, because I'm drinking so much while I watch them, but I can only hear, you know, I've talked about this before. We can only hear the mumbled voices, which just turned into sounds. And it was basically, Oh my God. What is going on in there? It's like a bunch of cockatoos being recorded and it's slowed down. Rhonda,

that's too merch for me. That's too merch. That was what it was. You need to let her be happy, Joyce. I am letting her be happy. No, you win. But I, her mama. Oh, her mama.

Oh, her mama. But Ty, but Ty. Oh, Ty. Oh, bata, bata, oh, ta. It's like, oh, my God. Wow. That means to be my alarm. That entire sequence right there was like a really distorted version of Little Shop of Horrors. Um, yeah.

I love Little Shop of Horrors. I know. I know. Guys, I want to do. My dream is to do a 10-minute version of Little Shop of Horrors playing all the characters, but I'm only two minutes in, and I just can't keep it together, guys. I cannot keep it together. I can see that, Ronnie.

Put it up on a stage, and I will go there. No, it will be on the internet, because I can edit myself in different wigs playing all the parts. Oh, okay. Oh, wow, so you really are two minutes into that. Yeah, I'm two minutes into that. And Audrey talks just like gretchen from ohio's orange county however i have a friend i actually have a friend who talks exactly like audrey she's her she's great her name is Marnie. And she watches all these shows.

Maybe she's listening. But she has like a high-pitched voice. And she's always like, hey, mister. I love her voice. Where's Mr. Mushnik? You don't meet nice guys when you live downtown. It's okay, I got a shiner. Yes, doctor. Yes, doctor.

We're going to get yelled at for not talking about Bravo. Be like, you spoke about Little Shop of Horrors for 1.32 minutes. This is a Bravo podcast, not a Bravovo podcast now bravo no come on come on guys that's they don't mind when we do that they just mind when katie does it because i'm for 10 minutes about the golden girls would be sad yeah because katie would be like you guys i saw the girl who played audrey in the movie at the w hotel with my husband, who's famous and has a lot of Grammys. And we were sitting there waiting for Mariah to show up. And that's the end of the story. It's like, what did she do?

Did she do anything? Did she sing? Did she talk about Little Shop of Horrors? And she'd be like, that reminds me. Today, I saw someone from General Hospital who my husband knows because he once did the entire score for that show, which they still haven't paid him for. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to get in trouble for imitating Katie.

Okay. Let's go to. The key about Katie is that she can take it. And. Well, she will take it until she starts inviting me places. Yeah. And that's it. I'm still mad from last week when I didn't get invited someplace.

Great. You jerk. And then I wrote it on her Facebook while we were talking about it. I was like, fuck off, Katie. Thanks a lot for the invite, jerk. And then she just liked it like five days later. By the way, Katie Cazorla likes your post. By the way, Katie texted us an image

of something and I was like, why the hell did Katie send us this? And now I totally get it and we will mention this. When was it? She texted us like earlier today. something and I was like, why the hell did Katie send us this? And now I totally get it and we will mention this. What was it? When was it? She texted us earlier today. What the hell? The stupid Android phone? You guys, I'm trying to be fair and give Android equal love, but I'm not

getting anything. Okay, I am going to... She sent us a photo and I'm going to put it on our Facebook page. When we start talking about Real Housewives of New York, it will all make sense. I don't even see it. I'm so pissed.

Okay. Now we really are. All right. Go on. Do we have anything else to say about Candy's wedding? I enjoy it. Actually, I'm enjoying it because it's colorful characters. It's not the same old bullshit. And it also helps that I really like Candy.

I really like Candy. And I love that even though it's all set up and fake like everything else in the world, and, like, obviously so, they're so much more real. And, you know what, I think that's... You know, white people, get it together. Get the sticks out of your butts, you know? I mean, on this show, when Candy has a problem with her best friend,

they are yelling and, like, sobbing. And it's a real conversation. And it's real feelings and stuff. And they know how to feel things. I wonder why those girls can feel things, but white people are like, I have an issue with you. Well, I don't agree. And then it turns into The Real Housewives of Orange County.

I mean, I watched that right after. And I was like, no one has ever seemed whiter than the people on this show after watching Candy Sweating. Because this show, they're like, well, you were late to my thing. And I didn't really appreciate it. And I wasn't yelling at you for being late. I just happened to be around when Tamara mentioned that you were late. And so I mentioned that you were late, too.

So I don't understand why you're mad at me. Well, I don't understand why you're calling me crazy. Well, that's how I felt. But I didn't feel like I was being crazy. And I was like, oh, shut up. How about you sob, you know, and throw things at each other and like pull out your weeds because you're just so fucking

sad about it. You know, that's a real friendship. Well, Ronnie, that was an excellent segue into a real house as of Orange County. I, I,

I have nothing but could do's for you. Could do's? Oh my God. Toya. Ramona. No, no, it was Ramona. Ram like doos three years ago three seasons ago ramona was like well kadoos to her oh my god well today she said i made a faux pas i made a faux pas mario let's go mario and i was like well she knew faux pas so that's maybe she went to the princess party and learned learned about them oh lord all right

so let's move on shows orange county sorry that was county did not start off well it started with this whole heather this heather bullshit where heather's doing a christmas card thing and she's just it's on a back lot because you know heather's an actor you guys and then they show all these pictures of heather throughout the years with her kids. And her face just gets more horrifying every single time. It's like she's trying for Batman 5, the musical. And what else? Oh, when she says, well, you know, my Christmas cards, everybody is, what is it?

Everyone waits. What is it? Everyone can't wait to see my new Christmas card. No one gives a fuck about your Christmas card. No one. Not a single person except maybe your mother. And all of you who are making Christmas cards with your children and stuff, that is so cute. Adorable sweaters.

I don't give a fuck. Don't be sending that to me. I mean, my own sister. I'm like, really, Carly? Could you just email this to me and I'll save it to my iPhoto? Like, what is this going to do? It's going to clog up my trash. How about you send me some fucking

candy for Christmas or something nice? Why do I have to buy your kid shit and then in return I get a picture of you guys in terrible sweaters? That's not fair. That is not Christmas. Alright? That is not what Jesus had in mind when he died on the cross for our sins. At least Shannon's family photo looked nice. As opposed to...

That's my card or something. Sir Face. Heather's card was so annoying where they were all in a fake studio lot. And I love how Heather's like, Well, you know, it's one of our favorite traditions for us to do a Christmas card every year. A holiday card. What is not a tradition with you people? It's like, oh, well, one of our favorite traditions is for us to take a family card every year, a holiday card. Like, what is not a tradition with you people? It's like, oh, well, one of our favorite traditions

is for us to take a family shit together in the bathroom. I mean, every single day, there's a new tradition that she has. It's like, well, one of our favorite traditions is to get the oil changed in the car as a family. It's like, everything. It's like, you know, how many things can you memorialize? It's our tradition not to let our children have cookies. I mean, come on.

Why are there Oreos in your house if you're not going to let your our children have cookies. I mean, come on. Why are there Oreos in your house if you're not going to let your fucking kids eat them? I mean, come on, Heather. It's our tradition to put dirt and oatmeal

in bags and give it to our friends. It's just something that we like to do as a family. She's awful. It's tradition to invite people to a big dirt lot

and have them write well wishes for us so they'll bury our foundation. And it's tradition if they're late to make them feel terrible about it for an entire season

and make them seem like they're psychotic. Crazy fucking Heather. What is wrong with that woman? Everything, everything is wrong. Well, I love that Shannon, okay, so that happened. Tamara's like, I don't wanna age. Tamara, too late, bitch, okay? That bus already done come, pick you up,

dropped you off downtown, pick you up, dropped you off downtown, pick you up, brought you back home, ran your face over on the way back to the bus stop, then came back, picked you up, and then dropped you off in Old Town. Stupid. You're already old. What are you trying to stop aging? Jesus. Am I there? Ben! Oh my- am I there? Ben, oh my. There you are.

Yeah, I'm back. You got all offended at my aging rant. I was like, I refuse to hear this. No, you know what though? I think Tamara looks great for being 66 years old and I don't think that she should worry.

No, she really, she actually does look good um and she needs to she needs to focus more on her parenting because ryan continues to be a total disaster he's getting hgh out of a back alley because he's going with his mom to try and who's trying to get shots to like not age what do you think those are it's like estrogen and hormones and like duck spinal fluid. I mean, bitch, please. You're old. Stop injecting yourself with shit. Why do you think your son has body issues?

Because all you've done his whole life is complain about your weight. You know, what your weight means. Then you're married to a guy who complains about your looks and your weight and your body. Why do you think he has body issues? Because of you, alright, mother? He learned it by watching you.

But like, he's... I mean, basically he looks like Deuteronomy the cat at this point. It's like, he went right past Mr. Mistoffelees and got right to Deuteronomy. Grisabilla done, already died. He's right got right to Deuteronomy. Grizabella done already died.

Get right on to Old Deuteronomy. Which one was the one who died at the end? Grizabella or Old Deuteronomy? Grizabella died, right. I would love cats as performed by the Real Housewives. And similarly, I would love to see the Real Housewives as performed by cats. Yeah, I would too.

I'd like to see all the cats. When people shit in my litter, I just pee the other way. I don't know, that doesn't make sense. I was just trying to imagine a funny cat thing. A cat opening. I'm normally a nice kitty, but watch out because the claws do come out. I may be rubbing my ass up against you, but it's just so I remember that you're mine.

I may be scratching your couch, but at least I'm not scratching your eyes. I actually watched this documentary from the BBC last night on the internet because I don't have cable. I don't know how many times I have to say that, but I don't. And so I was watching something online

and it was called The Secret Life of Cats. It was an hour. And I watched it last night, all stoned at like 2 in the morning. And I was like, oh my god, cats. What feeling. They have such feeling. They rub against everything.

You know how cats are always rubbing? It's not because they love you. It's because they're like owning you. And now other cats can smell them on you. Yeah, obviously. Not really. And also cats, like, you know how they're all like aloof and they don't really like you? It's not that they don't like you. It's because you're looking them in the eye. You're cats, like, you know how they're all like aloof and they don't really like you?

It's not that they don't like you. It's because you're looking them in the eye. You're supposed to like blink softly so they're not afraid of you. And then they blink back. For those of us who are soft blinkers, it's not a problem. Although I do have a sty. So that might be why cats have been running away. They're like, that's not a soft blink.

That's an infected eyelid. He's being aggressive. I'm out of here. Except for Deuteronomy, just lying there through intermission. Like, sliding on the grass. Big ol' fat cat Deuteronomy. God bless his little heart. His dead little heart. Oh no, Grizabella

died. Bye, bitch! Well, Deuteronomy was next in line. Okay, so O.C. Ryan looks like he's older than his mom um uh let's see lizzie lizzie did nothing they're talking about how he's getting hgh in the parking lot outside of her gym when that's totally illegal thank you i was gonna be like you know normally any other gym if an employee said that they were doing drugs illegally, they'd be fired. How can you have an employee, even though this is cunt fitness, how could you have an employee that is doing HGH illegally? Well, you do. And when he's on HGH and he's really high, you get him to take everything off the shelves.

And then you make him put them back on the shelves. That's how they roll over there at Cunt Fitness. That's right. That's because that's all they have to do. That's their exercise. All right. So let's just be honest. Lizzie was boring in this episode.

I know everyone likes her. Congratulations, you found someone to like. But she's terrible and boring. And enough with the plastic surgery. Stop it. Oh, so Vicky went to Oklahoma, which was hilarious. That was the real meat of the episode. Vicky in Oklahoma. Oh, so Vicky went to Oklahoma, which was hilarious. That was the real meat of the episode. Vicky in Oklahoma.

Oh, my God. She was crazy. First of all, that baby. I said I was going to get back to it. I'm getting back to it right now. Far be it for me to make fun of a baby. I would never make fun of a baby. First of all, I had the same thought as you.

The baby had a band-aid i was like oh oh that baby put his feet on a white couch somebody did not put the square block into the circle hole it's not the hard way what happens when you do that no but um that baby is getting ryan's looks and let me tell you something it's's an ugly baby. I'm putting it out there. That guy rags. You know what? No one else is going to say it. How could you say that?

Babies are not ugly. Give it a chance to grow up and get a terrible personality like his father. Then we can rag on it. But an ugly baby? How dare you, sir? The baby has done some very cute things and is probably a very sweet baby because we like Brianna, or we used to, but the baby's got Ryan's jowls

and I just don't feel like it's a good look on a baby. I'm putting it out there. I'm sorry. Everyone, I know I'm going to get some hate mail for this. Jowls are not a good look on a baby. No, Ryan's jowls are not. We'll be like, I like this.

I put up with a lot of stuff. I listen to your podcast. I know that you guys cross the line a lot, but this is really ridiculous. It's just a baby. I understand. I know I'm terrible. I know I'm terrible. This is my problem. That's so funny. See that baby. My only problem with that baby is that it does not know how to rhyme.

There. I'm putting it out there, I'm putting it out there. I'm putting it out there. No, no, here's the thing. I think maybe one of the reasons why I think it's an ugly baby is because it looks so much like his dad. And his dad is such a vile human being that I can't help but see that in the baby. He is, but I think that it is just so fucking funny. Stupid Brianna. Okay.

Brianna has been nothing but a little smart ass the whole time we've watched her on this show. She's so sarcastic and so above it all when she's been given everything her whole life. Blah, blah, blah. She's so above it. This and that. And now she's really going to show her mom by marrying some dude in the

military and then some abusive dude who's obviously abusive. She's going to marry some abusive guy in the military and then move to Oklahoma and's obviously abusive she's gonna marry some abusive guy in the military and then move to oklahoma and she's really showing vicky like okay brianna you win you found somewhere you can be fat there is no other redeeming quality to oklahoma okay come on now i mean you think you're gonna win the fight by living in oklahoma you dumb cow no you lose you lose oklahoma has Oklahoma has the Oklahoma City Thunder, which is a very good basketball team.

And they also have a wonderfully inspired musical, Oklahoma, which we might as well see. Oh, yeah, who no one can fucking sit through. You know what, Ben? Tell me how Oklahoma ends. Tell me. Oh, the farmer and the milkman should be friends. No one watches the end of Oklahoma.

Is the tornado coming? I don't remember. I've seen it. I've seen Oklahoma a few times. No one watches the end. No one watches the end of Oklahoma. The tornado comes... I don't remember. I've seen it. I've seen Oklahoma a few times. No one watches the end. No one knows the end. Let me tell you something. I was just trying to give a segue for more musical theater references since we've already had Cats and Little Shop of Horrors. I will not sing from Oklahoma.

What about... Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. I got this wonderful feeling. My husband is probably gay and abusive. And now I'm living in a neighborhood that was ravaged by a tornado because we can finally afford it. And it's a house big enough that my mom will approve of. But I don't give a shit about my mom's approval because I'm living away from her.

And now I have no money, but I'm still going to live off of her money. And my husband also pranked my mom by feeding her lamb testicles. I love that forgotten verse of that song. Oh my God. The lamb fries was hilarious, trying to make Vicky eat lamb balls. That was cute. What else happened? What else happened? I love just that it

was just like clip after clip of Vicky being insane in Oklahoma. Well, you know, but Vicky had a point when Vicky when Brianna was complaining and being like, you know, I've had to sacrifice a lot. Like, I wanted to do Doctors Without Borders and then I couldn't. I didn't do it for you, okay? So, like, I sacrificed

a lot. And Vicky's like, no, you didn't. Yeah, Vicky's like, oh, yeah, great, Brianna, yeah, you got to lay on the couch for a summer eating Ben and Jerry's that I paid for, doing nothing with your life. Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry, Brianna! Sorry to pay your rent, Brianna! By the way, when you're talking about, like, a non-profit,

you're not allowed to say that you sacrificed by not participating with the non-profit okay by the way it's not what if you say i i want to do peace corps but then i didn't i really sacrificed oh that's actually the exact opposite you actually did not sacrifice because you could have done it and you know what you still can do it but you're the one who got knocked up yeah but you still won't do it because you're just gonna sit there and make another litter for that crazy person to beat up for the rest of their lives. Oh, my God.

He's awful. Okay, so basically Brianna's getting what she – okay, let me make something clear also. I don't know. I've never been to Oklahoma, so I don't know really anything about it. It seems kind of like Texas. Everyone's really nice and fat and has big hair, and I'm all for that, and that's probably where I'll retire. My only thing in saying something against it is Orange County county when your mom's paying for anything it's always 80 degrees and you live on the ocean and you're gonna like prove that you're right by moving to

some tj max town sorry but it's true it's true is it the crosses in that home that they looked at oh my goodness oh my god and can they even complain because they all have them in their homes too but they actually mean it in oklahoma all right they're not just pretty things you got at rust dress for less they're actual like crucifixes yeah i did not see any caliente signs in the kitchens so that made me a little concerned oh my god i love when she said oh i thought i died and then i saw gretchen on the other side saying come over come over like gretchen was dead. Hilarious. That was actually one of Vicky's funniest things that she ever said. Well, it was, except I will never forget when someone posted on our Facebook page about how Vicky is getting all her plastic surgery to look exactly like Tamara. And then they posted the side-by-side of those two.

It's really hard for me to get that out of my mind. Because every time I see it now, they're so right. That is all she's doing. I don't even want to think about that. I can't. She's starting to look just like old Gretchen. It's so sad.

So the other big thing of the episode, which you alluded to in a rant about 10 minutes ago, was that Shannon and Heather had to sit down. And I don't know, to you, it sounded like you couldn't deal with it, but I loved it. I thought it was hilarious because Heather has such a stick up her ass.

She doesn't understand how condescending she is. You know, and she's like, well, this is what I saw. This is what I perceived. I'm like, oh my God. This isn't about that. It's about perception. No, that. It's about perception. No, no.

It's about what happened. It's not how you perceived it. I don't know where Heather gets this idea that you argue based on how you perceived it to happen. You don't get to just say someone came waving their finger at you, screaming like a crazy person, and that's how you perceived it so it's true. No, bitch. Your perception is wrong. There are facts and there are perceptions like i love that shannon didn't let it go and she was like no i will not let you get it shannon's

like no no i don't want you to say this it's like no no this is what you do by the way i'm sorry to interrupt your leah black impersonating shannon but i have to point out that this week there was some gossip about Camille Grammer because Shannon looks kind of like Camille Grammer and let me explain. So there was some gossip this week that Camille Grammer's ex-abusive boyfriend whose brother is a serial killer named Dimitri, remember from last year.

So she was putting all this stuff out that she was abused on TMZ and her proof was a close-up of her face which, let have this is terrible that I'm laughing but it was not I mean you guys can look it up but Camille Grammer abuse pictures or whatever there's no bruising on her face her face looks like plastic surgery cray-cray and then her other evidence is like hair being pulled from a brush okay so the only reason I'm bringing this up he's suing for defamation because he's saying she was jealous and made up all this stuff about him to make him look bad and ruined his life.

So my only point in bringing that up is not to call a possibly abused woman a liar, which I've already done with Taylor years ago. Let's let it go. Let's let it go, guys. But to say that Camille Grammer's up-close supposedly abused face without any makeup looks like shannon would look if she actually got plastic surgery they actually look very much alike if you think about it well i never thought about that but now i'll have to look well now you will now ben you know and by the way camille without plastic surgery and by the way i respect chan i, she did get a nose job and a chin job when she was like a teenager. But I respect that she's sort of going more natural.

Yeah, I do too. I like Shannon. I mean, Shannon's like my favorite right now. I just wish they would keep casting people of that age. And I love that type. It's like a real mom. Like a real mom body, a real mom face, a real mom attitude. Hates the husband.

I just love that. Like, I want that. I do not want Lizzie. Like, I'm sure she's nice. She cannot possibly get along with everybody because she's way too young. She just cares about it. It's like the Real Housewives of New Jersey preview. I don't care about these 35-year-old bitches.

Bring on some 45-year-old bitches to fight with Nina. This is why we like Shannon. This is why we like Vicky for all her craziness. This is why we like shannon this is why we like vicky for all her craziness this is why we like leah this is why we like um even ramona god bless ramona even ramona luann even um you know this is the the people that that the cast members that the audience seems to always gravitate towards are the older women well it's a show about older women it's not about these young bimbos i don't know why they keep trying to cast these young bimbos on every show. They never

fit in. It's like Kristen on Real Housewives of New York. She's not going to fit in. She has nothing to say. Well, I'm a big fan of Kristen, even though she has become a little bit of a whiner. Should we move on to New York now? By the way, for those

of you who have not liked us on Facebook, you should still check out our page because we did a little Heather Dubrow Photoshop, which is on the page right now. Oh my God, that's so good. I love it. I couldn't help but think of it. Like, well, you'll see. Everyone, you go to the page, you'll see what we did to Heather.

One thing I forgot to mention from Candy's wedding was Mama Joyce's quote about why Todd's family of pimps and hoes is latching on to Candy. Ka-ching, ka-ching, ching, ching, ching. Every consequence has had to... Okay, Ben's back. The last thing I heard was you doing the

ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching. And then I think the internet was like, let's just stop these two from talking anymore. The internet has had enough of mama joyce okay noted noted all right so real housewives of new york starts out with aviva and sonia talking to george's new fiancee who says she's 25 not buying that and yeah it's covered with swarovski the show has ruined my pronunciation! So, by the way, what Katie just sent us

and what I posted on our page is this... It's like a flyer, basically, for Cody's... her nail salon thing, I think. It's this real slutty, awful-looking thing where it's like

Dana Cody, a.k.a. aka tippy toe diva birthday bash a black it's a black and yellow event at club lex saturday june 22nd so trashy for so for anyone who was thinking like oh wow like george found himself the you know this pretty you know pretty young thing this classy classy young lady who's really working to make a life for herself. No. She's a big old mess. I don't think anybody could think that. She's dating George to be on a reality show.

I mean, that's just as low as you can go. Well, it's not as low as Ramona going, your parents are dead. Yeah, but you know what, though? Here's the thing. I'm loathe to defend ramona in this situation um because she didn't but she didn't say so your parents are dead i think she was using it to it sounded like she was about to make a point about something in a very tactless way

she'd be like well because you know you since you're like it's almost like she was saying since your parents are dead comma and then we never got to the rest of the sentence whatever it should she have brought it up no should she have listened to sony when sony said don't bring it up yes but while it was tactless and tasteless i don't think it was necessarily a malicious moment from well she was trying to say you're with him obviously because you have daddy issues your parents are dead you're trying to find a replacement, blah, blah, blah. But even though that's what she was trying to say, it's still disgusting. You're at a woman's engagement party.

Yeah. You know that her parents are dead. It's like the most insensitive damn time to be saying that. It's just gross. Who does that? It's true. However, if we fast forward now, I'm sorry, so before we even fast forward,

so then Ramona leaves, because she knows immediately, you know what, I'm not going to stick around for this. I'm going. So before we even fast forward. So then Ramona leaves because she knows immediately, you know what? I'm not going to stick around for this. I'm going to get yelled at by 10 people. I put my foot in my mouth. I've been an awful Ramona bitch. I'm going to leave.

But then George finds out and George starts saying, he goes off and he's saying, she's a bitch. And you know what happens to bitches? They get fucked by dogs, things like that, which is sort

of a nasty thing for him to say but yeah it's very nice so anyway they talk later on out of viva's apartment and um george is like you know what i ruined your party last year and i'm sorry which was for him to do and she's like like, well, she said, thank you, et cetera. And then she apologized for what she said. But then, you know, Ramona again was being tacky and saying, like, doing the whole thing. She's like, well, you know what you got to do, George? If you love the girl, what you have to do is you have to let her free, okay? Because she needs to live her life. You've lived your life, okay?

Just the way my father lived his life in the Berkshires, okay? And I don't like when people live their lives. It reminds the way my father lived his life in the berkshires okay and i don't like when people live their lives it reminds me of my father okay but the truth is she was she was she was saying break up with her which is not not for ramona to say correct and you know she's going on she's like well there's a big age difference i keep thinking about avery you know if avery if god forbid something would happen to me and Mario, what would happen to Avery? She might fall prey to an older man like you. So anyway, this insult to George, understandably.

Well, OK. First of all, the party, just to keep these two things separate. One is a very classy party, an engagement party at a sex museum with giant wooden cocks and pandas fucking. OK. That was a very classy event that ramona ruined okay the second was a private thing where aviva had her dad like basically hiding in a closet closet ready to pounce on ramona yeah when he started telling her off i was like please don't because i knew he was gonna like say something rapey but then when ramona went off

on him about being with this young girl i was was actually cheering. I mean, I was totally on Ramona's side. Because, A, who else would have the balls to say that? And, B, she's so completely right. It's like, George, 50 years, George? I mean, that's not even normal, George. I mean, most people, you know, like maybe 20 years. I mean, Mario's sleeping with someone who's 20 years. I mean, that's reasonable.

But you? I mean, you're 70 years older than this girl? I mean, that's disgusting. But you? I mean, you're 70 years older than this girl. I mean, that's disgusting. I'm choking on my own spit. Trying to talk like Ramona. But I was like, you go, girl. No, I mean, she's right. But the thing is, it's not her place to say any of that, to be honest.

But the thing is that when George's response was, he's like, you know what? At your funeral, I want to lick my finger and put it on your vagina. I was actually offended. I was like, you know what? Fuck this guy. What was he even saying? It was like something about sperm. She's saying, oh, now you're going to have his sperm frozen because it's going to be like an ice cube inside of her?

I mean, what is that? Who does that? And he's like, yeah, and then maybe I'll lick my mouth and put it on your twat. I was like, what? What are they even talking about at this point? But I was like,

it really, you know what? It really pissed me off and here's why. Ramona says something at this party. She says about this girl's dead parents.

It was a faux pas. It was bad. It was tactless. It was terrible. It was tasteless. And he, she says this thing and he responds

in a bitter way, whatever. And then he says this thing. He says this thing, and he responds in a bitter way, whatever. And then he says this thing. He says this thing about, like, at your funeral, I'm going to lick my fingers and put them on your vagina, which is so – it goes beyond – it's beyond tasteless. It's really mean. It's malicious. It's vile. It's offensive. It's word rape.

It's like. It's vile. It's offensive. It's word rape. It's like Aviva. When Aviva said they were verbally raping her, that's verbal rape what he did. Yeah, exactly. And you know what? I'm sure his reaction to when people are going to be upset, and he'll be like, oh, they just have to get over it. You know he's going to probably say something like that. And Aviva will be like, well, my dad, he just says these

things, and I don't approve of it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The point is that his reaction to what Ramona said is, you know, he had that awful reaction to what Ramona said. And, you know, he's going to get off with people being like, oh, just George. And, like, it's not cool. It's not funny anymore that he's like this perv. It's not funny, but you know what? Ramona gets off with the same thing.

They're like, like oh that's just ramona so she said your parents were dead you just have to be ready for ramona because you know that's ramona's and that's ramona's personality she's just really rude and mean and horrible and that's just what we love about ramona it's like you know what i don't love that about ramona she's fucking disgusting and i'm glad her husband is boning a 20-year-old, because that's nasty. I don't like her. But you know, the thing is this, though.

You're right. People are like, well, that's just Ramona, and that isn't acceptable. But I feel like the difference is that when George does it, he somehow turns society, makes society go backwards. I don't know. I feel like he's just more offensive on a totally different level, on a way it's like this should not this should truly not be acceptable it's one thing if someone's just

mean and you're like whatever there's mean and they're tactless but if you're saying things that are he's rapey and rapey and like and perpetuate bad images toward bad um like views towards a whole group of people aka women women, like, that's not cool. Yeah, he's, like, he's super gross and rapey. I agree. I'm not gonna, I mean, there's no way you're gonna get me to stand up for George. He's disgusting.

I mean, if I was rooting really for Jack Kevorkian in any situation, it's this one. I think Jack should come by and give this man a little help. It's time to go. Go to heaven. You know, start verbally raping the angels. We've had enough of you down here.

Yeah, it's one thing to be just old and pervy. That's funny. But to be, like, offensive, to say something like that. And really grabbing everybody's ass and their boobs and, like, talking about putting sperm on their vaginas when they're dead. Yeah, that's too much. Yeah, I think it's, like, it really, it makes me want to throw up on his face.

Yes, all women. Okay, you guys? I think we should just put out a meme of George with hashtag yes, all women. Because that is nasty, and nobody needs to be talked to like that. Absolutely. And I feel bad for anyone who ever had to work for him,, you know, he probably was the worst boss in the world.

Ew. I hope that his girlfriend gives him a little butt action with those nails and teaches him a lesson. Yeah, I hope so. I'm getting Freddy Krueger nails. I know. aside from Aviva's dad being disgusting and Ramona being awful, was that the rest of the girls went up to Saratoga with Luann to watch the horses, etc., go to the races. And Sonia got drunk, and all the women won a lot of money except for Sonia.

Sonia won nothing, basically. She just won a Bloody Mary. And she came back to the house drunk and annoyed. And it was one of those classic things where she disappeared and then she accused everyone of abandoning her, which I hate. She was so shit-faced. And I love that she was really mad that she wasn't in on the big win. And that everyone else won except for her, who put two dollars that were competing against each other on the board. And everybody else won.

I mean, I understand that. Thousands of dollars. I've only been to the racetrack once. It was last year. And every single horse that I chose came in last place. I would go to the paddock, and I would look at the horse, and I would look at the horses, and I would talk to people. I would read the things. Literally, there was one horse who was like, he was the number one horse.

He was going to come in. I was like, well, at the very least, he'll come in third or something. No, dead last. The number one horse came in dead last. I was like, everything I did, no matter what I did, and everyone else was winning money. And I was like, well, there goes another $2 because I bet like Sonya. Yeah, you guys, don't bet. It's just not good.

It's not a good look. You know what's a good look? Winning. Losing is not. I mean, I'm so excited when I win. And sometimes when I lose, I get really mean with the people who are running the game. I'm like, you did this. You did this to me. They're like, no. I'm like, you did this! You did this

to me! They're like, no. I'm like, why did you leave me? How could you leave me there? Well, what I should have did was put $500 on a horse that wasn't in the race, because then automatically it would win. Stupid.

So stupid. Okay, let's end this. I'm Housewives out.wives out okay no what else do you have to talk about no i was just going to make a comment about luann and uh sonia bike riding i was going to mention um uh adriana great check i'm sorry adriana i don't know how to answer your last name it looks like very eastern european and there's weird accents on it and i'm like grishak i don't know but she says luann and sonia bike riding i go bike riding through that park all the time judging by the sailboats and archway they literally rode their bikes for about five minutes before sitting down and talking sounds that right but i did like everyone appears

to really like when they were going up the hill and sonia said i feel like elvis on the toilet poor sonia i mean i really kind Elvis on the toilet. Poor Sonia. I mean, I really kind of like the way that these ladies are so supportive of each other in the way that they're like, yeah, Sonia's crazy, so what? Yeah. They just deal with her. Like, Sonia's starting this big drama, and they're like, you know what? Poor Sonia. She's poor.

I mean, I noticed that no one gave her money. I mean, I'm sure that Sonia would have appreciated it a little. But these women were stupid, because when Sonia was ranting, you guys love me, you guys love me, poor. I mean, I noticed that no one gave her money. I mean, I'm sure that Sonya would have appreciated a little. But these women were stupid because when Sonya was ranting, you guys left me, you guys left me, they tried to reason with her. Like, she's drunk. You can't reason with her. Just lie and say, oh, we're so sorry. We're the best. We shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have done that. That's all you have to do.

And then she would have been fine. By the way, did you also notice, this is like such a me thing to notice because I'm ridiculous like this, that when Luann was saying how she texted Sonia and she showed up with a text, she had super large font on. And for some reason that cracked me up. She had blind person font on. I noticed that she had an iPhone 4.

I was like, geez, Luanne, how bad are things? I hope you sell some of those plates so you can get a fingerprint scanner. I mean, geez, you're embarrassing us. You know, if Luann ever hears this, she's going to be like, what the fuck? I can't do anything right. I have the first freaking font on large because I can't read the small font anymore. And you guys are going to bust me for that? I'm just saying, no, I'm not busting you on it.

I just, for some reason, find it funny that the Countess has, the glamorous Countess has the font on. I don't know why. It just cracks me up um you know what i think that she's much better than me because i got an android phone and here i am yet again months why did you do that because it's so big i can read so many things on here it's so good for movies it's so good for reading books it's so good it's so gigantic but oh my god it does the dumbest things like if i text somebody it won't send them to text or if i get group texts from people i

don't oh and it drops easily did you hear that that was my phone dropping you guys um yeah still not there android but you you guys keep working on that samsung's um so now what Ben is Ben's gonna wait for the gigantic iPhone to come out and he's gonna be like look I have a gigantic phone too and it sends text

to my friends I don't know if you heard what I said but I said that your Android is so big that when it falls on the ground it sounds like

a dead body falling it does it do it do it do my phone has come here Android is so big that when it falls on the ground, it sounds like a dead body falling. It does. It do. It do. It do. My phone had come here to tell you. What you should have did was buy a little TV and then hook it up with a cell phone. And then you could be like, look at my big TV cell phone.

Ben, would you do me a favor and tell your parents, use a pimp and use a hoe. And next time you want to support your baby, get a real job hoe. I cannot wait. Okay. My most exciting thing to come from all of the Bravo previews, besides Real Housewives of New Jersey, I don't know why I'm embarrassed to say that, is Todd's mother showing up and going you don't know who you talking to bitch to mama joyce i'm gonna die i know that's gonna be it's gonna be a great season i can't i can't believe i'm saying it it's gonna be a great season i am gonna fall over dead when that happens all right well let's wrap let's wrap this up um Thank you, everyone, for enduring my bad audio today.

Oh, Ben. It was worth it. Was it? It was worth it just to listen to your good audio. Oh. Here's what I did today. I made you guys listen to crickets and bullfrogs in the background. I insulted a baby. And I made fun of Luann's aging eyes.

You know what? I've learned to just not worry about what I said because it's dumb. I can't rewind it. So if you don't like it, I'm really, truly sorry, guys. Love you. Hugs. Alright, you can find me at

B-Side Blog on Twitter and on Instagram and on Vine and everywhere else. And you can find Ronnie. You can find me on Twitter at Ronnie Karam or my website, Trash Talk TV, where there's a lot of great, talented comedic writers writing TV recaps

at Trash Tweet TV. Or you can come on to YouTube and find all my Big Brother and Survivor in Two Minutes videos at youtube.com slash Trash Talk TV, but T-E-E-V-E-E. Or you can just come to TrashTalkTV.com, okay, guys? Or you can come to our Facebook page, Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens, and help us get to 10,000 likes.

We're a quarter of the way there. 10,000 likes. That is such a big goal. Why not? You guys, let's get to 2048. I want to be like one of the Real houses of Atlanta and throw a charity auction with the aim of raising $2 million and invite 30 people the day before. Oh, my God. LaShawn.

LaShawn. LaShawn. Remember LaShawn when she did that? She's like, I've decided that I want to make an impact. Our goal is to raise $10 million. So I'm going to invite Sheree Whitfield. Yeah. She's been my big donor.

Sheree doesn't even care enough to dig a hole in the back of your backyard to put her house in, okay? Sheree, do not give a fuck. What I should have did was I should have invited Eugene to build on something, and then we should have raised $10 million that we could have made a big swimming pool

for Eugene's home. You're so dumb. You're so dumb. That is wrong, Candy! Alright, let's go. I'm tired. I'm drunk now. Bye, everybody. You guys are great. Hey, guys. Next time you look yourselves in the mirror,

I want you to tell yourselves, it's me and I'm great. Okay? Love you. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It.

It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here.

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15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.