Watch What Crappens - #132: You Got the Wrong One Now, B**h!

Episode Date: June 18, 2014

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) are back to talk crap about Real Housewives of Orange County, Real Housewives of New York, Kandi?s Wedding, and Ladies of London. Come on in, just please don?t show us any panties. Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Whether you're building your dream business or starting a website for fun, visit GoDaddy.com and enter WWC295 at checkout. It's go time. Some limitations apply. See website for details. Again, the code is WWC295. Get it? Because it's like, watch what crap

ends 295 because it's $2.95 for whatever you're going to buy. Well, it has to be a new.com or transfer. I just got that. I'm glad you explained it. So original. Why don't you just start a website about how original that deal is? So everyone, godaddy.com WWC2952.95,

and you get a new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95. Hey everyone, Oh, when you don't see the crap, who. Oh, hello there, Ronnie. What's going on? Nothing. I hope you hear a smile on my voice because there's sure a big one on my face. Oh, I hear it. I can practically see it. I can smell it, actually. Oh, no.

I hope you can't because it's like that Starbucks coffee death breath. It's like that dog breath from Starbucks. Sorry, everybody. Just smell it. I've been going to coffee shops so much recently that the Starbucks death smell is actually very comforting to me right now. I appreciate it. You can find Ben on the old internet at bsideblog.com. And you can also find him on all the social media outlets at bsideblog.

Those include Instagram, Twitter, Vine, Duolingo. Yes, actually. No, actually, no. My Duolingo name is something else. Sorry. You can probably find me on everything else, though, besides blog. And me, Ronnie Karam, you can find on Twitter at Ronnie Karam or on Instagram at Ronnie Karam or on Vine at Ronnie Karam. Or you can find the website feeds for funny recaps and stuff like that at Trash Tweet TV for Twitter.

Trash Talk TV on YouTube at T-E-E-V-E-E. I'll be doing Big Brother in two minutes videos all summer long there. And I guess that's it, right? Well, also, our Facebook page is very important. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm on it right now and I forgot to mention it. So if you guys want to talk throughout the week about the shows that are going on and just talk to each other and make us laugh, please come to the Watch What Crappens Facebook page.

It's at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. And we're going to try and be a little more active on our Twitter feed, which is at What Crappens. But right now, it's mostly all at the facebook uh page which is hilarious yeah we had a lot of activity this week i mean um you know i just posted a random thing for father's day thinking you'd just get like you know 20 likes or something like that and it has i think 245 likes which shockingly i think that's our most liked thing and i'm not saying that to congratulate myself although I guess I am doing that. It's more like how awesome it is that people are coming to this page and they are joining in on all the jokes.

And they're active and they're posting all sorts of fun stuff. It's really hilarious. Yeah, it's a good time. So come on over, everybody. And thank you to everybody who's over there right now. We just put up every week we record on Wednesday afternoons around 2 o'clock Pacific time. And while we're recording, we start a thread for stuff that you want to talk about. So we'll be reading that throughout the show today.

The first thing on here is the bug dress. Which is hilarious. Okay, so today we'll be talking about the Real Housewives of Orange County of New York. Ladies of London. Candy's Wedding. We will not be discussing Married to Medicine because, frankly, I've had enough of your crap, Married to Medicine, all right? Get less stupid.

We can only take on so much. I still love the show, but, you know, Ronnie and I, if we watch too many of these shows, we won't actually have money to support ourselves. So unless people want to start donating to us, then we can watch all the Broadway shows that you want but for right now I think we had to give a little bit of a cut to marriage to medicine yeah until it gets good and we will trust you guys to tell us when that is but right now it's a big no for me although I did read this week that Mariah is starting a new diet with her

husband called the cinnamon girl diet and it's because she wants to help black ladies get thinner with her diet pills and protein bars. Now, I'm not sure, but the last time I looked at Mariah, I wasn't totally... I wouldn't think she is the model of weight loss, right? No, I think that's why she's doing a black girl diet, because she doesn't want to be like... I still think she wants to be like,

I got booty, so what? I mean, she doesn't want to be like i still think she wants to be like i got booty so what i mean she can't just like make it general because everyone would be like you're fat what she should have did was uh have a diet called the chair diet where you like sit in the chair and then like you sit there for like 12 days straight don't eat anything and then you lose weight it's like oh call eugene got lost weight. You just sit in the chair. You sitting down and telling me you standing, honey. You say you got a cinnamon diet, but all I smell is nutmeg. All I see is in a mind. Thanks, Quad.

Thanks for that brilliant pond moment. Which we cannot eat because we're on a cinnamon girl diet yeah okay so let's move on to some real housewives of something which one do you want to talk about first um why don't we talk about new york since it was last night that's the freshest in my brain new york just happened in my house it just ended right when i pressed record on the podcast i was pressing stop on New York. Wow. Well, that is super fresh in your brain. I mean, you just said right before the podcast, you're like, ugh, nothing happened this week, which I guess could sort of be true.

But I thought the New York episode was hilarious because mainly for Aviva and her asthma. And because the whole thing is that this week, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she has debilitating asthma. We've yet to see her actually cough or wheeze or have shortness of breath. But she has debilitating asthma. Please don't question me. Don't question me. You know, don't question my illness. Look at all these medications I have. Look at my doctor's note.

Don't question me, you bitch. You're being a bitch. You know, Aviva should realize she's in the wrong when she starts using the word creepy to defend herself. Like, you're being creepy. Because you know the last one who did that was? Kelly Ben Simone. You're creepy. Yeah, and no one's creepier than you and your freaking father, dude.

It's like, at least we can have an argument because your dad's balls isn't in our face. Well, my favorite was later on in the episode. To back up, everyone, the issue is that the women are heading to Montana for their trip. And Aviva doesn't want to go, so she's concocted this whole thing that she has terrible, terrible asthma, the kind that, you know, it's like there should be a banner over

every place that she goes congratulating her from getting out of bed, from getting out of the bubble in which she is living now. These women are ridiculous. They're acting like Montana is this filthy, disgusting hole. And it's like nature. Yeah. Thank you.

The cleanest place you could be. Heather was hilarious when she was like, you know, people move to Montana because they have asthma. They want to get out of the city, you know, with all the smog, you know? Yeah. So stupid. And one of our listeners, you know, with all the smog, you know? Yeah, so stupid. And one of our listeners, by the way, made a great point, which was like, where was this asthma when Aviva went to the family farm to look at, you know,

the old machine that chopped off her leg? Oh, good point. You know, it's like very convenient how this asthma comes in and out. Well, I guess that that farm is already covered with her DNA from all the blood that was shed there. So maybe it was kind of like an antidote for them. Yeah, I guess that that farm is already covered with her DNA from all the blood that was shed there. So maybe it was kind of like an antidote for them. Yeah, I think so. Also, by the way, I mean, another moronic thing is, does she think people in Montana don't have asthma? You know, there are people in that state.

And there are probably people who have asthma in that state. And guess what? They're not keeling over as a result. Like, ah, must flee the state. I have asthma. Yeah, she acted like she was being invited to, like, the Jesus birth party in a barn or some shit. I know.

Where she was just going to have to stand there and deal with, like, wise men and sheep and shit. She's like, there's not going to be any room at the inn. I'm not going to a hotel without a room. I have asthma. I know. She's not going to be doing hoedowns every day. There's a Jesus born every minute.

This isn't about you, Ronnie. This is about the children with asthma and no legs. I don't know. This is about the asthmatic children with no legs. Well, God bless them. At least it wouldn't hurt to run around the block. So I guess Montana will not be a stop on whatever

book tour she concocts up next. Oh, Montana. But, you know, I don't know if it's that they were complaining the whole time about how boring Montana is, but it immediately put me to sleep. I was like, I guess they're right. Montana is boring. It did actually look exceedingly boring.

It looked beautiful, but totally boring. I mean, there was nothing going on there. I mean, I was cracking up. What's going on anywhere they go, really? All they do is sit around the house and bitch at each other anyway. Okay, so they'll bitch at each other in a really beautiful home

instead of embarrassing themselves at a brunch somewhere. It's not, okay, so they'll bitch at each other in a really beautiful home instead of like embarrassing themselves at a brunch somewhere. Who cares? Same diff. The point is, Bravo did not want to throw any money

at this woman. This is actually worse than when they sent the Jersey cast to go on a road trip and have them camp out in a parking lot. You know,

this is like, okay, we're just going to put you in a field in a fairly nice house and that's it. It's like a VRBO. Oh, the city.

Oh, I can't believe it. Oh, the city. Oh, I can't believe we're not in the city. That New Yorker attitude really gets on my fucking nerves sometimes. It's like, you guys, New York is stairs, dirty things, homeless people, and the smell of pee. Okay? Like, shut up with yourself everyone's so into themselves it's like you're so proud of yourself you just paid 15 for a pack of cigarettes

that either makes you the richest person in the world or the dumbest fucking person in the world and by the way that's why i left new york i left new york when cigarettes cost ten dollars a pack all back in the day yeah well it's, you know, it was a population control. People don't realize that. It was to shoo people out, shoo the poor out of the city. Well, it happened. It worked.

I don't know. I mean, I kind of loved that they were stuck in desolation. You know, clearly the producers were also fucking with them. I loved also when they arrived and the receptionist was like, oh, here, have some complimentary huckleberry juice.

I was like, my goodness, they are really partying on this vacation. Yeah. A little huckleberry juice. Party! Well, the best part was that... Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was just saying, it was cracking me up, but Ramona was like, well, you know what? I'll just have to sit here with my Ramona

Pinot Grigio and my huckleberry juice and that's just the way it's going to be sorry sorry I'm yeah she literally said I'm sorry I got excited because we can make a gif out of that later sorry sorry I'm sorry I'm just gonna stay out here in Montana I'm you know there's nothing to do here

it's boring I don't want to eat manure I don't want to eat manure I'm sorry my father every day he would poop okay that's something that my father would do to eat near manure. I don't want to eat near manure. I'm sorry. My father, every day he would poop, okay? That's something that my father would do. He would poop. So when I'm near any poop, whether it's from a horse or a human, I can't eat there, okay? I'm sorry. When I was growing up in the Berkshires, there was a kitchen where we grew up where my mother would cook.

And the bathroom was right off the kitchen, which was really annoying because nobody really wanted to smell the bathroom while they were trying to eat in the kitchen. But every day, my dad would come home at 6, and dinner was served at 6.15, and my dad would go into the bathroom, and he would sit there until 6.30, and so when he would open the door, we would be halfway through dinner, and we would smell poop. And then he would throw a piece of spaghetti at my mom's head for being stupid, and you know what? I'm traumatized. I had to smell poop and watch my mom get abused with spaghetti, and you know what? I'm traumatized. I had to smell poop and watch my mom get abused with spaghetti. And you know what? I'm sorry. I just don't want to do it anymore. Okay?

You know what? I can't even go buy a construction site anymore. I can't go buy a dump truck because when I see a dump truck, it reminds me how my father would take dumps. Okay? And my father would take a dump every single day. And I just can't do it. Okay? So, like, one thing you have to understand is I have to have my Ramona Pin Grigio and not be near anyone who's going to be taking a dump.

One time I was eating at that Central Park restaurant called Tavern on the Green. And I was sitting there and I was eating. And there was this beautiful duck in a pond and it pooped. And it reminded me of the time that my dad threw a dish at my mom and she had duck. And with the mixture of poop, I couldn't even finish my escargot. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay.

But I can't do this. Okay. You know, I can't go to Chinese restaurants anymore because you know what? I like egg rolls. I like spring rolls. But one time, Mario ordered a poopoo platter. And that involved poop. And I could not deal.

Even though there was no poop on the platter, the word poop was in and i just couldn't do it so you know what i'm sorry i just can't go to the chinese restaurant okay okay when i took a free to college i was i was in her dorm room and her roommate had um brought us some lunch and so we were going to eat lunch together and all get to know each other but the roommate had this calendar with a cat, and it was hanging on a tree, and it said, I'm too pooped to pop, and I couldn't even eat my lunch. One of the most offensive things that the Walt Disney Company does

is they release a movie, okay, called, it's called Winnie the Pooh, okay? And I can't watch that, okay, because my father poos also, okay? So I'm sorry, I won't be watching Winnie the Po that, okay? Because my father poos also, okay? So I'm sorry. I won't be watching Winnie the Pooh, okay?

Sometimes I set my alarm for the morning and, you know, I want to get up because I want to be productive because I've got like 10 businesses and so I want to eat breakfast first thing in the morning to get my brain working, but sometimes when I wake up, I look over at the alarm and it says snooze and it reminds me of poos and I can't even eat my breakfast. So I stopped using alarms.

Okay. When I was younger, okay, one thing that I can't do is I can't watch The Hogan Family, okay? Because they have a neighbor named Mrs. Poole. And Mrs. Poole sounds very much like Mrs. Poop, okay? So I really can't have that

show on TV, okay? It's so stupid. Oh, Ramona. Ramona remains the most interesting part of this show for me. I could just watch Ramona. First, they went to the baths, and she's being nice to Kristen, which was super awkward to watch. Yeah, that was funny. Well, funny that she's being nice to Kristen.

And also, I love that Kristen, at least she's consistent. You know, she nags the hell out of her husband, which bugs me, but at least she nags the hell out of everybody else, too. Yeah. I love that she's just not believing a thing that Aviva's saying. I love that. I don't believe that, well, maybe this doctor's your

friend. Well, I have prescriptions. Well, maybe your friend wrote them. But it's a new doctor, so how can that possibly be my friend? And she's just laughing. She's like, of course it could be your friend. Because she laughs like that.

I know. I actually loved how she wasn't backing down from Aviva's craziness. Although it was funny, she's like, Aviva, I've defended you all this time. I've always defended you, Aviva. I was like, no, I seem to remember you going up to Aviva at kindergarten and being like, what are you doing, Aviva? And Aviva having to say, shut the fuck up. Yeah.

Get the fuck out of it. Yeah, she's not really stood up for aviva but let's talk about let's talk about um kristen's asshole husband for a moment okay because uh he's an asshole so she's going away for a week to this on to montana for this trip okay which is probably contractually obligated etc so she's leaving the kids with Josh, her husband. And Josh is like, okay, well, I'm basically, I'm going to leave the kids with grandparents. I'm going to go off to the Hamptons and party the whole time. Which to me seems like...

Completely logical. Fatherly. I mean, I would do it because I don't like kids. But it seems not very fatherly. Wouldn't you agree? No, I think we were just raised differently. I'm from El Paso, Texas, where you get maids because they're across the border, like, which is your backyard. And so they just walk on over every day or sleep in your house.

And they work for super cheap because of the dollar conversion rate back in those days. And so we were all raised by maids where I come from. And that's just how it is. Our parents never did shit with us. They were like, bye. We would see them. Like, my mom would wake up from her nap when we came home from school after her long day of drinking Franzia at Junior League. She would say hi.

My dad would come home at 7. They would go out. And that was it. I'm used to it. At least you got to see them. You got to see them. I mean, this guy's literally, like, pawning off his kids so he could go off and party at the Hamptons.

Now, of course, partying at the Hamptons is great. You know, that's why you have a job. I'm not having kids until I can afford somebody to raise those fuckers. I'm not missing a holiday because my kids are wanting to spend time with me. They shit themselves. Like, how many people do you want to spend time with that shit themselves? Admit it. Well, this is why I don't want to have a kid.

This is why I don't even want a dog. Well, dogs don't shit themselves. Well, sometimes, I guess. What are you talking about? Dogs will shit wherever they can. They shit outside. Unless you don't open the door for them, and then they'll just shit.

They will. Yes, that's true. They shit outside because they're, like, trained, sort of. But at least they're not like cats for them and then they'll just shit they will yes that's true they should have side because they're like trained sort of but at least they're not like cats who just shit on inside on purpose like when i go to my friends houses with cats i'm like oh yeah you have a cat and i remember that not because i see your cat but because it smells like cat shit in here thanks thanks for having me over but you know what though cats they shit in kitty litter and then they like to cover it up at least the cats have some sense of cleanliness.

And cats are consistently cleaning themselves. There is some bar that I feel like cats have. Dogs clean themselves. How dare you? Oh, yeah, that's true. They do. I just feel like cats are a little bit more anal retentive about it. No, you like cats because cats are colder and i like dogs because

dogs are warmer do you see i like cats because i think cats are cuter i think they're funnier and um they also are much less work and they again they they go to a corner and they shit and they cover it up themselves that's all i ask out of any animal well yes he doesn't do that babies they shit all over the place and they sit in it until you decide that you're going to clean it up. Yeah. So fuck babies. Okay? There, I just said it.

Fuck you, babies. All across America, fuck you. Shitting on yourself. I think they know what they're doing. They just think they're hilarious. You're really setting yourself up for a charming holiday movie where a baby is left on your doorstep and you learn greater lessons about life. Yeah. I'm like, oh, it's just a warm spot

in my lap in the middle of the winter. Oh, it's a good thing. No, it's shit. You know, there's always a TV show or a movie where someone is, it's always a busy executive who doesn't have time for this or that. And then all of a sudden a baby is left to them on their doorstep or by a distant relative and suddenly they have like a baby in their life

and they're dancing around with the baby in the apartment trying to get to go to sleep playing like 60s motown or something like that and so it's like ha ha what a charming movie if you think about that that is like the scariest movie of all time could you imagine all of a sudden you have to take care of a baby for the rest of your life and like that's like no more like sitting around watching the housewives and eating pizza that's like of course what do you think who do you think's watching the housewives a bunch of like gay guys with jobs no it's a bunch of moms i know i mean i know that i meant more just like staying you know not more like watching the way we do which is in a total slacker eating the lint out of our belly button.

Wade. Yeah. Which I know also moms do too, but. Well, I'm basically sticking up for all the moms on our Facebook page right now. I'm not sure that they've all thought for one second, at least in their life. Fuck you, babies.

Fuck you. No, the moms right now are, cause I've been in this position before where I've spouted off about this. And this is what moms do. They smile knowingly and be like, this little shit. This little shit. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Or someday he will be eating his words.

Yeah. And hopefully not his poop, like cats often do. So let's see. What else happened? So anyway, my point is I would not, just because your wife is going out of town, why doesn't she feel bad that she planned a trip on that weekend? Why does he have to feel bad about it? That's stupid. I will say this.

I do agree. That's shitty that this trip is on Labor Day weekend for everyone involved because that is when there are going to be fun parties in the Hamptons. Why make everyone lose out? Do it just the weekend after. Montana will still be there. But the parties – He has to deal with his damn kids all the time. I say take a break. Leave them them alone those kids don't have jobs no but i'm saying i'm saying chris the entire montana trip should have been the week after

so that way all the ladies could have gone to the hamptons and enjoyed themselves oh yeah because that's like where a lot of the bitterness is coming from that they have to do that on their holiday weekend except for heather because she used to be a tom orange girl with scrapes i mean she is tough oh yeah you guys she's still not putting g's on the end of words you guys she's totally straight yeah totes street so what else is happening on this show ben i don't i don't remember just aviva being crazy and then i love that there was a scene with aviva and reed this totally set up scene where she's like where it opens with her and her stupid inhaler she's like, where it opens with her and her stupid inhaler. She's like. And it looks like somebody who's never smoked a cigarette before.

You know, like that really awkward inhale is totally Aviva in that scene. Whenever I smoke cigarettes, which is like once every four months, I have like one cigarette. That's how I smoke a cigarette. Like it's a joint. But that whole scene was so ridiculous. She's like, oh, I want to go to this trip. I want to show people how much fun I have. And I just I want this so badly. But I just want to get an objective perspective from someone who loves me, which, by the way, that's not an objective perspective.

That's actually the definition of a biased perspective. But she's like, I just want to get an objective perspective. Am I playing this down? Because, you know sometimes i play things down like the time i thought i had the flu and i had legionnaires i'm like shut up aviva you know that you coughed once and you don't want to go to the strip it's like it reminds me of when i was a kid and my my dad made me mow the lawn every week and i hated mowing the lawn and if the moment i heard a tiny little clank if i ran over a pebble or something like that i'd go

running in and be like dad the lawnmower is broken it's like something's wrong we got to take it to the shop like the you give it give someone an inch when they don't want to do something give someone an inch and they will take yeah you know and that's what can i say that you're not allowed to go yet but i'll die what if i die i mean i really want to go i want to spend time with the girls especially ramona and sonia but you know i mean i could die i mean that's the down part is that i could die but i really want to go because it's important to my friendships and my position on this show so as an objective opinion giver, what would you say? Should I kill myself and die and be dead? Or should I go on a trip?

Or should I stay here amongst the yellow wallpaper and breathe from my inhaler? Yeah. Or should I do stump paintings? The doctor was probably like, hey, you know, you might be asthmatic. I wouldn't recommend going, especially if there's a lot of activity because it might agitate it. But, you know, do what you want to do. And she probably was like, okay, my lungs are falling apart. I've got pulmonary disease.

I, you know, I've got lung cancer now. I think she heard the worst part of what the doctor said and ran with it. So what do you think her deal is? I mean, she's obviously a fame whore because she's a housewife. So why is she always skipping trips and screwing herself out of camera time? Do you think that that,

do you think in her mind that she's going to get like her own camera time? Like she's going to have her own storylines while the girls are gone and she's going to take this to try and get her own camera time? Like she's going to have her own storylines while the girls are gone and she's going to take this to try and get her own spin-off or what? I don't really get it. I think that she I don't know.

I think she wants to be in the show but she wants to do her own thing and that's just not part of the deal. She's got to play ball. Yeah. Well, she's dumb. And she's probably going to be off the opening credits for the next couple weeks too. Yeah. Yeah, so she dumb. And she's probably going to be off the opening credits for the next couple of weeks, too. Yeah. Yeah. So she's going to be fired. So here's the big thing about this show. It's doing really, really bad.

Yeah. I'm so sad about this. They even switched the time slots. And I've hated this episode, but in general, I've really been enjoying this season. Yeah. What the hell? What do you think's going on? Do you think that? that i mean i personally think that it's just too much housewives at one time like you can call married to medicine ladies of london whatever you want but i mean this is why we had i had to cut one out basically well here's kind of my fault i can only take so much well here are some of my theories one is that before new york came on um the house well Housewife Nights are these days.

They're on Sundays and Mondays, okay? And Tuesday night has – Okay. So for the past few several months, maybe even a year, Tuesday night has not really been a Housewife Night. I mean it changes. There's a time when I think the show is on Thursday or Beverly Hills is on Thursday. Bravo is always changing it up. But we've gotten into the mindset that Tuesday night is like

not Housewives night. So first of all, I think there's a viewer pattern thing. You have to bring people back to Tuesdays for Housewives. So that's one thing. Second of all, there was a huge gap between this season and last season. And last season, the first half of it was not great.

It took a while to gel because Bravo, I think, was way too hasty, firing way too many people at once. The second half of last season did gel, came together, and the evidence is now in that this season, this season is awesome. But what happens is there are a lot of people who watch shows and they see that it's not gelling

and they just sign off and they just don't come back and they don't want to come back. They are firm in their belief that, you know, it sucks. And no matter how much you tell them, it's awesome. They just don't want to they don't want to hear it. Yeah. You know, people are busy and they they don't have a lot of time for shows. And once they've signed off on a show, it's very hard to get them back.

And I think Bravo really screwed themselves by by firing so many people all at once. Too many housewives. My answer is much simpler. Well, no, it's probably that too. It's probably that too. But I think that's really one of them. I think it's a lot of different things. And it's a shame because it's been a really good season.

And I noticed that last night, Bravo switched time slots they had with People with people's couch they had people's couch leaded off people's couch must be doing well because it's gone from half an hour to a full hour and now they're using that to kick off the night so i feel like that's also a show yeah it's doing really well it is doing well i haven't watched it in a while because i mean again i i i explained my issues with it which is that it doesn't come from any bitterness of the fact that we were not cast it's more that i just i find it to be very staged and it's like um it's just not funny to me that basically yeah you have to watch a lot of the

shows that they do too to think it's funny yeah but i guess i like it i think it's really a cute show and i think that's not the worst that they're leading off with that now. That means it's doing really well. It's doing well and they're trying to use it to bolster New York City. I don't know. It really is frustrating when you see this sort of thing happen. When you know that there's a good product out there. And you know that the audience that was once into The Real Housewives, you know that it's like, come on back.

Come on back. Support this show. It's so good now. And unfortunately, they're just not there anymore. And I think at the end of the day, it's Bravo's fault. People also don't take well to change. And they don't take well to a whole cast being overhauled, especially when you have big figures. As much as we talk about how we hate Jillill zarin she was very she was sort of like

synonymous with new york real house was in new york oh gross i mean i think look i think that it was a very wise decision to get rid of her i don't think that any of the problems have to do with getting rid of alex who was awful and awful. I think that the firings were good. I think that the recasting was bad. I mean, they got people who don't even make sense. Carol isn't a housewife at all, like anywhere near. So I don't know what that's about. Heather is one of the most boring people of all time.

And she's not really a bitchy, catty person. I mean, I just don't know where they're getting these ideas for these new women. I mean, Ramona's Looney Tunes, Sonia's Looney Tunes, Luann is completely delusional and full of herself. I mean, I would think that they would keep casting crazy people, but they seem to get kind of normal people, which I don't want to watch. I don't know if I agree with you on that, because I think Heather has shown

a lot of feistiness, actually. She's fun with idiots, because she's a normal person, but she's not like Looney. We don't need all Loonies. She's feisty, and Carol is very funny, and who else was it? And Aviva, as much as we hate Aviva, she really did add a spark, especially last season.

I think the issue is that when the season started last year, there just was no chemistry. And it was just, it just felt weird. And nothing was, honestly, for the first half of the show, nothing was really happening. So it just, you know, they stumbled out of the gate with a new cast. And that's very dangerous and then on top of that they had way too long of a time passed before in between seasons and then as you said there's also a lot of competing stuff that's on tv so i think that's why the ratings are down but honestly if you're listening this podcast but you stop watching the

show start watching the show again and save it because otherwise they're going to recast it with just terrible people well it's i mean the rumors are that they're going to cast it with a bunch of like minority women which i think would be great because it would be kind of what they were trying to do anyway with that last year yeah oh well i don't know we'll see it seems like they're going to try and do that with new york at least those are the rumors. And, hey, go for it. Who knows? Yeah. Okay, next.

I'm bored with our conversation. I know. We're getting very analytical. Now, Orange County, by the way, is an example of, I think, the smart way to recast, which is to just do, like, one or two here or there. Or, I mean, they actually, I i think cut a bunch of people last season but if you're going to cut like three replace it just like with one or two or like and then like ease us in because for instance shannon has been fantastic shannon this season shannon has made the season orange county is so good this season and part of the reasons is because this woman is uh she's bright she's articulate and like you said um your theory about how she's the age appropriate you know so she brings something academy is a new scripted

podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industries my holla herald a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world ava's ambitions take hold and her small towntown values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you

into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're gonna hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. I don't know. She brings something different than what a young nothing can bring. And the stuff that she's going through is, I find, very, very, very relatable. You know, this episode, she received an email from her husband saying that he wanted to move out and it

was like when she announced that we could all see this coming because she's just been bitching at him for all season and they have there's so much tension between them but when she said it it actually i actually felt really bad for her okay well now that you said that you feel bad for her let me bring up some shannon discussion okay one is, before this season started, Tamara was blabbing, you know, leaking shit to Radar Online or whoever, as Tamara is wont to do. And a bunch of the stories that came out preseason were about the new girl

and how she's completely ruining her own family just for camera time and using, you know, she's the lowest of the low in Tamara's eyes because she's willing to sacrifice her own family for screen time, basically. Well, I assumed she was talking about this new bimbo fucking moron, which we'll talk about more later, I guess. But I assumed she was talking about her because, A, she's a bimbo moron, and that's where I expect that kind of behavior to come from. And she has no storyline, so I figured that that would be it in the future. But now that we're seeing kind of what's starting to happen with Tamara and Shannon, I'm starting to think she's talking about Shannon.

And I'm loving that it's turning this way because Shannon, I mean, Tamara has met her match. Shannon will take the bitch down, and Heather will take the bitch down, too. Like, between the two of them, Tamara can't even form a sentence. So this is a first season that Tamara's ever been confronted with an adversary. Because normally, she just yells the loudest and wins. The only thing working in Tamara's favor is that Heather and Shannon hate each other. So they won't join forces and take down Tamara. And by the way, I actually don't see any indication so far that Shannon is doing what she can.

And she's like destroying her family for camera time. To me, it looks like she's just existing. You know, I would think Tamara is the one who, you know, has destroyed her family. Well, I don't know. I mean, well, yes, I mean, I agree, obviously, with Tamra. It's Tamra. Tamra. But Shannon, I don't know how calculated it is. I mean, you have to know when you're coming onto a Housewives show that you have to bring a certain amount of drama. And bringing on marital drama is pretty risky i mean she would have watched

the season she would have known that there was going to be cameras there her and her husband must have had some kind of discussion about that like well to me it's completely plausible that it's just being put on uh but there was an article that came out this week also from some gossip rag sorry i forgot which one sorry out there but um it was talking about how shannon and then you know like 10 years ago or something or longer called the police on david for abuse and he was arrested for physical abuse um but now she's saying oh that was no big deal we just got in a fight and i thought it would end if i called the police but he didn't beat me there was nothing physical but that's what he was arrested for was for abusing her so it's pretty interesting obviously they've been a super dramatic couple for a long time and they're probably like

the bickersons who like fight a lot and then go like rabbit somewhere and are perfectly happy just arguing but i don't know i mean it does make me wonder it makes me wonder why she chose to come on the show i'm saying this more from like a rhetorical standpoint because obviously, you know, fame, money, etc. But it makes me wonder. She doesn't have any products that she's trying to hawk. She doesn't have a brand that she's trying to build. She's just there, you know. And it does make me wonder why would you, knowing that your marriage is already kind of troubled? Why would you go on to a show that has such a history of finding the cracks in the seams and ripping them wide open?

You know, that does make me I do question that. But at the same time, when Tamara goes and tells the press, Shannon does this. You know, she she's ripped apart her family for the show. I'm like, shut the fuck up, Tamara. You have no leg to stand on. It's one thing for us to say that. to part her family for this show i'm like shut the fuck up tamra you have no leg to stand on it's one thing for us to say that but tamra you can't go saying that as if you uh have brought your family together through this show you know you're in a situation where your family your kids like

aren't allowed to be on camera and they hate you and they say that they live in poverty when they're with you so don't you're not allowed to talk about shannon in that way yeah well i'm liking shannon i agree that shannon is pretty much the season. I like it. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, when I say that she's relatable, the way she's described how things have been with David, I find to be very self-aware. You know, she says how she gets unhappy and then she bitches at him. And so she knows that she's bitching at him and then he gets unhappy and then she bitches at him more. And so she's she's aware of this. And she even said, like, why can't why can't i do like why don't i just wake up early with him and go sleep early with him why don't i get on his clock why don't i she's so she's like aware of these things that she's

doing and yet she can't stop herself and i find that to be a very human thing you know and which is why i think i like her so much yeah i mean she takes her she's one of those people who takes responsibility without taking responsibility yeah like she'll be like well i know i'm not the easiest person to come home to when i'm miserable but i'm miserable because he doesn't pay enough attention to me so it's his fault that i'm not you know it's like no you're a naggy bitch stop being a naggy bitch and he might come home and probably won't try and go to bed as soon as humanly possible so that he can avoid his life because that's pretty much why people sleep all day and uh by the way i sleep like 14 hours a day

so i speak from experience i drive the cars i sell guys meanwhile she's pouring giant pint glasses of vodka to deal with the situation which is also hilarious i do that too so i'm basically both of them in one person so now we have to pause the shannon discussion for a moment because before we can get to the next vital piece of the. So now we have to pause the Shannon discussion for a moment, because before we can get to the next vital piece of the Shannon discussion, we have to actually go to the Tamara-Heather situation, because that informs

the Shannon situation, believe it or not. So the other big story is that Tamara's cunt fitness was finally getting to be on Good Day LA Today, which is, I mean, on this episode, and she and Heather had not talked before the show and then she shows up heather doesn't even go say hi to her in the dressing room which i find actually i think that's actually heather got revenge i don't care what anybody says heather totally knew what she was doing yes

purpose heather is one of the most manipulative cold bitches ever. And that's what I like about her. I like when they use that part of Heather because that shit was hilarious and she gave Tamara exactly what the bitch deserved. Exactly.

You know, it's funny with Heather because we have people on our Facebook page, which, by the way, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens, who are very fired up. But there's one guy on there

who says, you know, your hatred of Heather is like, it's almost like pathological. He says this. And then another person was like, if you stand up for Heather one more time, I am going to send you to Shut Up Mountain. So people are fired up, and they're, by the way, projecting all of it onto us,

I think, you know? But they're like, stop standing up for her. You should stand up for her. What do you want us to say? I'm looking to see who's calling us pathological. Oh, that was Curtis. Oh, yeah. He likes Heather.

I just think Heather's a cold, mean, selfish, narcissistic bitch. Like, I don't see really anything redeeming. She talks to everybody like they're a three-year-old maid. Like don't know which is worse treating them like your servant or that they're a baby but she does both at the same time specifically she acts like the receptionist from don't tell mom the babysitter is dead and if you don't believe me go to our facebook page because we posted a video clip of the receptionists and she speaks exactly like he Dubrow. It's scary. She just looks at people with really wide eyes and talks to them like they're children. Is this how you want me to talk to you?

If you want me to talk to you like an adult, you can act like an adult. I thought you would call me, but that's not what you wanted to do in that situation, okay? So I don't see how I am responsible for you. I think as a human being, she is the

worst. She's a total fame whore, bad actress, bad everything. I just don't like her. I don't like her as a person. But I think she's totally right in this situation and I love that she's throwing it in tamra's face she here's here's here's the thing there's a lot of right and wrongs going on i think tamra was totally ungrateful and ridiculous when she complained when heather gave her this great opportunity i think tamra was wrong there i think that heather got

her revenge by not speaking to tamra beforehand and kind of like undermining her segment a little bit but in the grand scheme of life of like being nice to people heather was technically wrong in that situation even though in the spirit of karma she was right if that makes sense but um in general i find that heather is um cold and she's she's incapable of seeing her flaws she thinks she is she's incapable of seeing her flaws. She thinks she is. She's like, I know I'm a motor mouth. I'm like, that's not your biggest issue.

OK, yeah. No one's saying you're a motor mouth. We're saying you're a cunt. OK, that's like a difference. You know, it's like, what? Where are you getting motor mouth? Who said that? You're a total bitch. OK, you're a horrible human being.

That's what we're saying. Yeah. I mean, I'm You're a horrible human being. That's what we're saying. Yeah, I mean... Sometimes I'm too smart for my own good, and I'll say words that you don't understand because my intelligence is greater than yours, and I'm sorry you're so stupid, you know? Well, it was funny when Vicky was having a heart-to-heart with Heather, and it was like a surprisingly, I thought, almost mature moment from Vicky.

And Vicky was saying, like, listen, I was talking behind your back and I'm sorry. I don't want to be that person. And she was saying, you know, sometimes I feel like you're above me. And Heather's like, why would you say that? And, you know, do you think it's because of, like, the financial things or whatever? And Vicky's like, yeah, you know, I don't have the extra O or whatever. Andicky's like, yeah, I don't have the extra O or whatever. And Heather's like, oh, I don't care about that. I have friends from all sorts of walks of life.

Meanwhile, it got to her bragging about how she has the only carport in her neighborhood. It's like you can't be both, Heather. Either snob and embrace it and we would actually love you for that or don't be a snob. But don't act like you're of the people. Yeah, and also Vicky wasn't saying, I feel like I'm below you. She was saying, I feel like you feel like I'm below you. Yes, exactly. Which is a huge difference.

And Heather didn't take it that way. She took it like, oh, Vicky, look here, Vicky. I think you're a real smart gal. You've got your own business. You work. You've got that cute business of yours. Yeah. You go to work. You work. You've got that cute business of yours. Yeah. You go to work.

You smile. You know, I mean, you don't have to be rich as me to have a smile, and you prove it. You know, look at you smiling. Good for you. Gosh, poor people and their smiles. Gosh, you see? It's the world. You can go to Africa where they're eating nuts out of bags that we drop out of the sky.

And guess who's happier? No one. I mean, those kids have flies on their faces. You'd think they were pets. I mean, those are adorable people. I just wish I could hug Africa. Stupid bitch. She is so offensive on every level, especially for someone who didn't earn shit.

That's what kills me. Hello. She was on Malibu Country. So the thing is, OK, so Tamara's all rattled. And, you know, after her, by the way, perfectly fine segment, the fact that she was on Good Day LA is all that really matters. OK. And she was like, I just felt like I didn't get my talking points in. I'm like, you know what they're called?

They're talking points for a reason, which means you should have talked about them. That's your fault, actually. It's not Heather's fault. But then afterwards, you could see she was just trying to stir up drama. And even Eddie was like, whatever. So she finally has lunch with Heather, okay? And they hash it out. And then what it really comes down to,

what Tamara says that she's really upset about is that that time at Shannon's first party when Heather went up to Eddie and was like, so I hear that Tamara wants to have another baby and you don't want one, which was, by the way, a really obnoxious Heather moment, right? Remember that?

It was, but that was also in retaliation to hearing Tamara talking shit about her behind her back. Exactly. So this is what Tamara always does in every single fight. When she can't win a fight, she starts crying and she starts acting like she's the victim the whole time. It's like, no one has victimized you, nutjob. You are such a bitch. Like, no one has done anything like you've done to them. This girl has not anything like you've done to them this girl has

not talked about you badly she has not gone behind your back and told everyone at a party what a stuck-up bitch you are she hasn't done any of the stuff that you've done but now you're the one crying exactly but then so here's where we come back to shannon's so so tamra says listen all i ask is that like you know if i share something in confidence with you that you wouldn't go start telling people. And Heather's like, OK. And Tamara's like, so anyway, Shannon shared with me an email that David's leaving her. The first thing she does is gossip about Shannon's marriage falling apart. That was super cold.

OK, so then we see the previews for next week when it goes bad between Shanna and Tamron. That was gonna get real shitty. Shanna and Tamron. You like my English? Sorry, guys. Shanna and Tamra. But, of course, Shanna's ridiculous because she's already told us and everybody in America

I guess, but I mean, I guess it still hurts that she's being gossiped about by Tamra to her enemy. You know, so I could see that. But, oh, I can't wait. It's going to hit the fan. And Tamara totally lies about it. She's like, she did not hear that from me. I did not say a word.

To clarify, because in your excitement, I don't know if you actually said what happened. In the preview, Shannon gets a text while she's with Tamara, a text from a friend saying, Heather Dubrow is talking about the email that you received from David. And then Shannon's like, oh, Tamara, did you send that to – did you tell Heather Dubrow about that? And Tamara's like, I did not say a thing. Oh, my god. Now it's all going to fall apart. And now it's all going to fall apart. I mean it's all going to fall apart. I mean, it's great. But again, what I really like is that this isn't just some stupid kind of,

you know, stupid thing about an exercise DVD. Like, it was my donkey booty DVD. This is about, like, real friction between people that's, like, very relatable and that stems over real things. And in this case, there's also, like, perhaps divorce in the mix. I love it. Yeah, and Tamara has really stepped in it on all fronts she's got heather now who's never going to forgive her because if one if we've learned one thing about heather is that she never lets anything go yeah not a thing so heather is going to be passive aggressive and stabbing her

in the back any way she can from now on. Yeah. And not only that, the most unlikely of alliances is Heather and Vicky. Like, what the fuck is that about? They're hanging out now, and Vicky is being quiet and, like, treating Heather with deference, which is really weird. Or reverence, I guess, which is really weird. And Heather is telling her, well, you told me that she would betray me. You told me all this stuff. So now they're bonded in their hatred of Tamara, even though Vicky's going to be nice to Tamara.

But she's, screw Vicky once, she'll never forget it either. Listen, Vicky's just happy to be out of the fray. Like, you know, Vicky had a very dull storyline. It involved balloons coming out of a box. It's like, yay, another ugly baby's on the way, and it's going to be a boy. You were so mean for calling that baby ugly. And everybody on Facebook was like, oh, another ugly baby's on the way. It's going to be a boy. You were so mean for calling that baby ugly. And everybody on Facebook was like, oh, no, Ben's right. That is one ugly baby.

Thank you. And today I paused it on that baby's face. And I was like, oh, little Richard Nixon. Baby Richard Nixon mask. God bless his heart. No, it just looks like Ryan. It just looks like a baby version of Ryan. And I don't know.

I don't know what Brianna sees in him. Yeah, those balloons came out of the box and popped and put poison gas everywhere because someone had their feet on the couch. I know. Like an abusive little future abuser baby. So then we had Lizzie. Oh, God.

Lizzie. Okay, here's Lizzie's storyline. Can you see my nipples? My boobs are so big. Ever since I was a little girl, I've had the biggest boobs. Are my boobs too big, Mom? Can you see my nipples, Mom? What about my nipples? Oh, my Godipples my boobs are so big ever since i was a little girl i've had the biggest boobs are my boobs too big mom can you see my nipples mom what about my nipples oh my god my boobs ah they're so big mom cut herself so the thing is here's the thing i actually don't think that lizzie's a bimbo

but i feel like her storylines are um completely um i can't even think of the right word speaking of bimbos i can't think of the right word there's of bimbos, I can't think of the right word. There's no substance to that. I don't think she's a bimbo because she's not... Bimbos are usually like... Oh, it's the elevator! Who works it? Yeah.

I just find that her storylines lack substance. They're not interesting. I find her to be stupid and a waste of time. And she needs to be fired right now. Well, in the the beginning it seemed like she was going to be good in the beginning because she and vicky got into it and it was like it was really good and she stood up for herself and was like passive aggressive it's everything you want but now she's just like a mommy sitting around uh watching your kid and by the way also memo to the producers you're doing a terrible job with her green screening during the interviews I mean

really really horrific job it's like they did it at a community college or something well Lizzie her um what was I gonna say I can't I can't pay attention to anybody who says the word fulfilled first of all and second she's like oh I

need to be creative what are you talking about you're going to a fucking beauty competition that is not being created santa monica that's what i loved is like having having an impact even a thing since when is that a thing mrs santa monica santa monica usa like that's probably the most embarrassing beauty title that there is that is not even a thing and that girl who who invented it, she's like, oh, and we have Miss Malibu and Miss Santa Monica. I'm like, this girl looks like a used car salesman. She has just invented titles to get girls to hand her money.

And it's apparently not working well enough to get her out of her dress bar and clothes. I don't trust anything that's happening on this show. Not a thing. I just loved when Miss Santa Monica usa and the runner-up were standing there holding hands waiting to hear the results as if anything mattered at that moment it's like congratulations you're miss santa monica you're back to you know your job at chucky cheese yeah congratulations we're gonna stop the ferris wheel while you're at the very top and just let people try and hit you with apples i know here's

a ten dollar gift certificate to the williams sonoma on montana avenue try not to let the moms and yoga pants run you over it's like the music is being played by like a homeless guy in the promenade with a guitar like really badly the after party going to be held at a generic pub. Sports pub. Sonny McLean's. Watch out. Watch out for that $1,000 stroller that's coming down the pike.

It's going to run you over. Whatever they call those, baby bugs or something. I also wrote down, do you know why your husband wants to move out? Because of fights like this. Why aren't you taking up a glass of ice water with you, David? Oh my God! I'm just going to drink it here.

But why won't you take it with you, David? Take it with you. Take the ice water with you. I don't want it, honey. Why, David? Why wouldn't you want it? This way you'll have a glass of cold water for when you sleep. You'll have water next to you, David. You'll wake up and you'll have cold water right next to you, David. Why wouldn't you want it? That's why you'll have a glass of cold water for when you sleep. You'll have water next to you, David. You'll wake up and you'll have cold water right next to you, David. Why wouldn't you want that? He's like, I don't

want that. David, David, you're leaving without your ice water, David. Oh, he just doesn't hug me enough. He doesn't hug me. It was like the best Edward Albee play I've ever seen. It was like, well, do you want some cold water for your sleep? No, I think I'm

about to finish this bottle here. Well, but then you won't have cold water, David. I do. David, it wasn't water in the first place. It was juices from our dead baby. I wish it would. Who's afraid of Virginia's wolf? Who's afraid of

Shannon? Shannon, whatever her last name is. Poor Shannon. David, there's water up in here. He's afraid of Shannon. Shannon, whatever her last name is. Poor Shannon. David, there's water here, David. David, there's water with ice in it here, David. If you wake up in the middle of the night, it'll still be ice cold, David. Take it with you.

Take it, David. How can you sleep without it, David? David, while you go to sleep at 8.30, I'm going to lower and raise the chandelier five times, David. I love that she's even turned the kids against him. They're like, you're an idiot, Dad! Yeah, I don't know what cotillion is. Yeah, because you're from a small town. You don't have any manners, idiot.

So sad. It's like, run, David, run! Although, Vicky did just post on Instagram a picture with her and Brooks and Shannon and David somewhere having fun, so I guess that works out. Okay, well that's good. There's happiness in the B-Dor mansion after all. We do have to give Heather a little

credit today. You're welcome, Curtis Jensen. We have to give Heather some credit today for her amazing impression of Shannon. That was pretty good. When she was, she crinkled one eye and kept one open. She was like, you're twisting things. You're twisting them around. There you go again.

Twisting. Which is so true. Hey, she's an actress after all. Oh, Heather. Wow. What a great actress. Let me see. Why don't we move on?

Shannon, ways to make it better. Heather's apology, LOL. Heather's impression. Nipples are her storyline. Her mom cuts herself. Shannon's half cry. Oh, poor Shannon. See, that's why I can't tell if she's acting or not.

Because her half cry the whole time. This isn't what I want. I believe Shannon. This isn't what I want. He emailed me to say that he was leaving. I rushed. The last paragraph said, I want to move out. that he was leaving. He was... I brushed Tamara over because she... The last paragraph said, I want to move out.

Free hotmail from hotmail.com. There was a signature at the bottom that felt very impersonal. It felt almost like it was automatically added to all his emails, and I thought, I'm your wife. How could you do that to me? Why would he put his business logo on an email to his wife?

I mean, that's what I'm talking about. I have to beg him to write me an email as his wife and not someone just on his business mailing address. Why does he send me an email from something called earthlink.net? Is the net supposed to refer to me trying to capture him? Is that his way of saying he feels trapped? I don't get it. I don't like it.

Sent from an iPhone? Gosh. How about sent from a U-phone? How about sent from a Wii-phone? Because it's us. I always feel like a discarded model, like a iPhone C. I don't see anything. I just see fate.

I'm not going to believe he loves me until there's a UN iPhone in his hand. All right. So Real Housewives of New York we did. And now on to Ladies of London. So good. So good. So good. This episode was having me.

I was cracking up, and I was also on the edge of my seat. Wow. My bum was on the edge of my seat my bum was on the edge of my seat why in the world were you on the edge of your seat because I first of all I have a very small seat second of all it was because you just knew there was going to be a thoroughly polite dust up to quote Arrested Development

it was just like you knew annabelle was going to lose her shit in a british way and you knew that juliette was gonna be body and you know it was just gonna head that way you didn't know how and it was just you know i like these shows when people in quote-unquote polite society terribly and it makes me very tense but also it gives me great joy well they're also all fame whores which makes me laugh at them, thinking that they're so hoity-toity. Okay, one of you is Caprice,

which we will get to her later because she deserves an entire rant. Then you've got Caroline, who just basically bangs rich people. She's hilarious. Caroline's great. Caroline is my favorite, but she's not the highest in society. I mean, give me a fucking break.

She's not the highest in society, but she's also not the lowest. Then you've got a woman who can't even get through one scene on the show without mentioning some dead famous friend of hers, which is fucking pathetic, you know? Has this bitch ever known anybody not famous who have died? Because you wouldn't know it from the way she... Everything's Alexander. Alexander like that.

Now he's dead and I'm not leaving the house. I was his muse. One morning he woke up and I happened to be walking by in the street and he thought, this is great. I'm going to design a dress. I love it. He's like, I was his muse because he liked what I stood for. I'm a rebel. I'm like, you get you fucking started crying when underwear were at the table.

I know. This is what we have to talk. This is what I have to talk about. So on the one hand, I love how Annabelle is so ridiculously snobby. I love how she is, of them all, she's the most uptight. And she probably is the most aristocratic because we saw her granny who came by. I love the granny. The granny was very stylish, by the way.

She looked like she was 140 years old and had better style than most women I see out here in L.A. She looked like she was 140 years old and had better style than most women I see out here in L.A. But they talk about, oh, you know, Captain Corelli was the one who ordered the assassination on them. Like this, you know, crazy family history, which is one of those things where it makes you, like, love the Brits, you know, because you're like, oh, this wonderful story. Oh, your grandfather was the one who enjoyed horse riding, darling. He knew Burl Ives. Burl Ives. Burl Ives.

Where did that come from? I thought of all the people you could have mentioned, you would have thought, like, maybe, I don't know, you could have even made up someone. He knew the Duke of... He knew the Duke of Ives! The Duke of Ives and the Duke of Earl got into a fight one day and your father wrote a text.

Your grandfather was the inspiration for Holly Jolly Christmas. There are so many references you could have made. I don't know where it came from. This is why people have ridiculous answers on Family Feud. Name a famous British patriarch. Burr Lives.

Is he even British? British? Your great-grandfather in 1867 knew someone who had moved stateside and was an atheist. Your great-grandfather was the muse of Benny Hill, who would do wonderful, wonderful montages to harmonica music. Your grandfather was there on his horse. Your great-great-grandfather, Sergeant Basil Rathbone, once knew someone from Crudgington, Telford, Shropshire, who was just chuffed to bits with the cheese that was being imported to Wales.

And so we brought him stateside, and there he became, he learned about music, and from there he began to enjoy bear lives. What lovely sandwiches. You know, once I was sitting here with the lovely Goldie Hawn, and she was asking me, why do cucumber sandwiches not have crust? And I informed her. Back in the day, we thought it was crust that was giving everyone influenza. Well, it turns out your father discovered it was untrue with the Duke of Ives.

And to this day, we call a cucumber sandwich a burl lives on bread i have a burl lives on rife one of those jewish delis but i love that you've got like 110 year old lady here and still this dumb bitch is like oh well you know i used to know someone who loved sandwiches like this. I was his muse. And now he's gone. You have to worry. You have to wonder sometimes. At some point, you have to stop wondering why and just

move on. Well, no, but what makes it worse is that she's like, well, you know, I do love to ride, but, you know, if I'm going to ride, chances are I'll probably be showing up wearing something a little bit punk rock, as it were. You know, I'm just a little bit rock and roll. I'm like, no, bitch. Like you said before, Ronnie, like you're not rock and roll if you are aghast at the sight of underwear at a July 4th party.

Yeah, she's ridiculous. And she's like, I wouldn't wear the traditional garb. I would wear leather leather chaps or something i would wear a hat to the polar grounds and not a hat to ascot that's how rock and roll i am yeah she's like she's gonna wear something on a horse that's not what she's supposed to be wearing but it's still something you wear on a horse yeah listen you show them honey you know one of our commenters said this and i agree anytime someone calls themselves rock and roll they just aren't rock and roll i mean how many

times do we see people get onto american idol and they're like yeah i'm rock and roll like constantine maroulis rock and roll rock and roll the very first thing they do is they head to broadway and yeah it's like how are you how are you in your women's coat for joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat, your queen? Have you seen that picture going around? Because that's coming here again. That's Ace Young, right? It is?

Oh, I changed my mind. I love you, Ace Young. I love you. I love you so much. You want to be kind of rock and roll. There are all these people that say that they're rock and roll, and they're just so not, you know? Like, even that whole show, Rockstarxs it's like yeah we're gonna be rock stars like it's it's just funny when people want to have that attitude and they just

fall so very flat it's like saying you're cool like well you know alexander i was exactly what alexander wanted i was exactly the look i'm like yeah because you look fucking dead like she looks in those modeling pictures like a dead person with a saggy face. Like, he wanted the most depressing fucking... If he could have done that outside with everybody waiting in line for cheese, you know, and, like, sandals and underwear, he would have done it. She's like zombie Shannon Doherty. Oh, my God, she totally is. She's like Shannon Doherty in between 90210 and Charmed when she just thought it was over.

So this being all said, as much as I hate how hypocritical she is, she should just be a stuck-up aristocratic bitch and we would love her for it. So she's like, I can't do this. She storms out of this July 4th party that's being thrown because Juliet's kind of getting drunk. To be fair, Juliet's being really annoying, you know. Yeah, let's rewind for a second. For those of you who don't watch this show. Okay, the lady who looks and talks like Caroline Ray is married to a restaurateur bar guy. Meets Faith Ford.

Meets Faith Ford. Oh, yeah, that's a good call. Someone messaged that. I can't claim it. And she has a July 4th party, which is totally inappropriate. Because, as we all know, July 4th is our independence from England when we told them, get the fuck out of here

and don't ever call us again. And Annabelle very dramatically is like, well, it's just, it's sort of like a second Civil War. I'm like, that's real rock star of you. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, don't you have a declaration to sign? Bitch. So, anyway, so't you have a declaration to sign? Bitch.

So anyway, so it's a completely offensive party. So she invites all of these British women who don't even bother telling her how – and her husband doesn't bother. I mean, why does anybody think that this is okay? It's not nice, right? I don't think anyone cares at this point. I mean, the only people who care are the aristocratic types, a.k.a. Annabelle. You know, if you are from, like, an old storied family and, you know, aristocratic, you still care about these things. I mean, haven't you seen Down Abbey?

You know, they harbor grudges from wars that happen in such countries, you know? You know, people don't really care. The Americans in their July 4th party. You know, people don't really care. The Americans in their July 4th party. So, you know, the fact that's why it's so funny that Annabelle, Miss Punk Rock, is saying, oh, it's the second Civil War. It's her actually being so aristocratic in that moment. I guess it's like on Southern Charm when Thomas Ravenel is like, well, the Civil War was completely offensive to the South because it killed so many people. Uh, yeah.

Because you guys refused to give up your fucking slaves that built all your mansions, dick. Yeah. Come on now. But yeah, I guess we all have a different way of looking at history. For example, I hate the 70s because women decided to stop wearing bras and shaving their armpits. And I disagree!

So anyway, before we get on to that rant um so there's a july 4th party that's happening and this that girl marissa i think she's co-hosting with juliet juliet's the one from chicago who is like really really midwestern and sometimes she seems really fun and cool most of the time she's you know there's not there's one thing worse than an american fame whore and it's an american fame whore in england like she is just she's embarrassing to americans here okay she's gross by the way that was the original title to an american werewolf in london it's an american fame whore in england yeah she's gross so anyway so they decide that they have this party whatever or the cat everyone

shows up and so annabelle is talking to there's this new blonde woman who i think is gonna become my cast member and they're talking and they're having a very british inside conversation even though the other woman i think is american and juliette's so annoying she keeps on like interjecting me like yeah well you know what i uh I love running an elliptical. I love taking yoga class. I love doing this. I love doing that. Oh, because they were talking about horse race. She's like, you know, riding a horse is so gigantic and powerful, you know? And when you have

something like that under you, and Juliet's like, yeah, I know, sports, right? Yeah, tennis. Oh, yeah, I play tennis. Yeah. So, all right. We were going to be quiet. Oh, yeah.

Quiet like you're in racquetball. I play racquetball, too. Huh, girls? And that's when Annabelle starts bringing out her real past aggressive British shit where she's like, I just swear you have to slow down your words. That's, you know, I can barely understand a word you're saying. You must slow down. And then it's sort of like builds and builds. And eventually this girl, this lingerie designer shows up and she brings some knickers and uh they're

red white and blue and juliet's looking at them oh oh i'm sorry before that even juliet sings the national anthem because she's goaded on by marissa i think it's fine i mean she sounds terrible but it's like you know it's whatever it's just someone singing at, she sounds terrible, but it's like, you know, it's whatever. It's just someone singing at a party. I don't know. I don't see the big deal. What did Annabelle say about it? She's like, the star strangled anthem. Yeah.

So, anyway, eventually this lingerie comes out, and Annabelle decides it's just this is just the lowest. She cannot be seen at this party. So she storms out. Juliet then is furious. She thinks that's so rude that she just storms out.

So Juliet goes out and then they start fighting in front of the club or in front of the restaurant. And that was when I started to laugh at him because Juliet is like – she's just all noise. I don't even remember what she was saying. And Annabelle is just like, go on, go on, special needs, go on, go on. I just loved how, as much as I thought that Annabelle was being a bitch and how she's being condescending and hypocritical about being a rock star, I love the way she handled herself in that argument. It's like, you can't beat that. Yeah, sometimes people just aren't going to like you. Just don't sit next to them.

Yeah. I mean, if I was around some stuck-up bitch like that, I would just not sit next to her. Yeah. I mean, I know that that would kind of put an end to all these shows, but I don't understand how this is going to work if these ladies are too above fighting. Because that's kind of what this show is and like they're trying to make you guys do it and you're just like above everything. Like if you're still above everything, what are you doing on a reality

show? A, you're not above anything because that's like the bottom. And B, what are you doing on the show if you're not gonna do anything but sit there and cry about your dead fucking friend? Cut it out. Cut it out. they're just ridiculous i don't care about any of the americans they're all stupid the only one i'm watching is the american who is a total gold digger because i can't wait to watch her get hers which i have a feeling she will oh my god noelle she's oh well

that's the other thing that was funny out of this whole fight is that Caprice was just, I mean, she couldn't even believe. She couldn't, well, Noelle couldn't believe it, but then Caprice couldn't believe it either. Caprice was, you know, she just, you know, she storms out. I haven't celebrated July 4th in 14 years. And then she's, you know, storming out because she couldn't believe how ridiculous this all was. I mean, the whole thing was so... Caprice is really... Caprice with a terrible fake accent.

She's like, I just don't see why Annabelle would do this suddenly. I've never seen Annabelle get upset with anything. Annabelle is so even-keeled, she would never get upset about any of that. I'm going to leave. Shut up. Go get a fucking Rosetta Stone. Oh, that's not for accents.

Go to the Shamble French bookstore and get yourself an accent tape. She could still use a Rosetta Stone to knock herself out with. I'm kind of bored with this show. What do you think about it? What? No. I'm kind of bored. No. I thought last week was like whatever This week I was like yes

We're back on I'm loving it Yeah I'm getting bored with it they need to amp it up Hopefully Noelle will get run over by a car or something And then her husband will dump her Because she's a gimp now I think he is going to dump her actually Next week I think they're still together, aren't they?

Oh, who knows? Well, she'll probably do what she can to get him back. Yeah. Also, someone sent us a really nice email this week saying, oh, you should read the blogs every week before the podcast, because so much of the stuff you've discussed is already resolved in the blogs. And I like that.

I sometimes do read the blogs, and thank you for that advice. But the thing is, not everybody reads the blogs, so we kind of have to recap what actually happened as well. But I think that's a good idea, and I would like to start reading these blogs, because you know the Ladies of London ones are really funny. Absolutely.

So now why don't we move on to our final show, which is Real Housewives of Atlanta, Candy's Weddingding which was also hilarious this week oh my god this week was old lady wars yes awesome absolutely the best you talk okay so this week

Mama Todd came in hey Todd I'm at the airport someone gonna come give me a someone gonna come give me a talk he's like well Mama you know I'm just trying to find sheets for your bed, Mama. And she's like, all right, I'll be there in a minute. Now Joyce is going to be there because that Mama Joyce, I'm telling you right now, I'm not going to take any shit from that woman. And she did not take any shit from that woman.

She came right in and gave it right to Mama Joyce. Mama Joyce's head almost spun off and flew into the other room. Oh, yeah. You know what? Mama Joyce is just a despicable person and I'm glad that finally this woman got a chance to defend herself against all the things that Mama Joyce has been saying.

How could you be talking about someone like that when he's dead? You don't talk about someone like that a pimp when he's dead. Who told you to talk like that about my husband? That's what I heard on the street okay that is what i heard from my people on the street i'll knock you in the next tuesday bitch no you know what i loved actually i love first of all i love aunt nora i love how aunt nora loves todd's mom but Bertha, remember there was this thing. What was Bertha's crazy scheme?

She had like the most elaborate. So I guess after Todd's mom ran off, there, what was it about Carmen and Todd? And Bertha's like, I think that maybe Todd was in with the photographer and Carmen. And that we would all get through and just like stood up and like dropped the mic as if it made any sense I wish I could remember what it was about but it was so funny it made it was so out there like the lengths that these women are willing to go to like and and when they are faced with pure fact that todd is more or less a decent guy and his mom's more or less a decent woman where how they will still look for the craziest possible explanation for why they're

terrible people yeah because they're a pimp and a hoe oh lord yeah well i don't even remember this whole fight and you know actually kind of shame on us because this was like the best fight ever and i should have transcribed the whole thing. But while I was watching it, I was like, there's no way I'm going to forget anything that happened right now. Me too. That's exactly what I was thinking. I guess I forgot everything. Well, basically all that happened was that. I do remember the best part, though, was when Todd's mom started yelling back at stupid Twat Joyce.

And Joyce started waving her finger in her face. And she's like, you got the wrong bitch now. And started grabbing her finger. And then they decided, their kids were like, you guys need to make up, blah, blah, blah. So they come back together. And then Mama Joyce is like, you wave your finger at me. You wave your finger at me and call me a bitch. And I wave my finger back at me and call me a bitch and i wave my finger back at you

and call you a bitch and now we're just two bitches waving their finger at you well you know here's what drives me nuts about mama joyce okay she well she starts throwing the pot because uh she starts talking about how she's not allowed to sleep over at the house okay and the implication is that the mama todd gets to have preferential treatment right and so then finally mama todd whatever her name is she decides she's not going to stand for this implication anymore and she's like well i hope you're not saying like that i'm getting preferential treatment or something to that effect and then they start to fight and so as they start to fight todd's mom is like shut up bitch and then joyce

then grabs on to that and like she called me a bitch she called me a bitch and then like the whole rest of the night it was like well i don't know if that woman called me a bitch and i hate that that's like it's like you bait someone they finally like say one thing i mean that's so learned from housewives too and that's exactly like a tamra move too it's like you poke you poke you poke you poke and the second they say something bad, you're like, bully! You know, Kenya Moore, too, but don't forget. Oh, yeah.

But yeah, that was hilarious. And that was actually one example of Candy actually kind of standing up for herself. When Mama Joyce is like, well, congratulations, I don't even get to stay in the house. And Candy's like, where, Mama? See don't even get to stay in the house. And Candy's like, well, Mama. See, now, we have

a whole new house for you, Mama. So while you were saying that, like, you could have been on the house, Mama, with Riley. You don't, Mama. You don't behave, Mama. You talk about Todd, Mama. You talk about Todd, Mama. And she's like, wait, I don't

do nothing. She's like, Yeah, it's because you don't respect my son. Why my son spend time with you? You don't respect my son. Who do you think you are coming into his house and not respecting my son? And then she's like, Well, your son. Let me tell you about your son.

He was sleeping with hookers at parties. I had a photographer. It's like, You sent my son out. I did not set him up. How are you going to argue that you weren't trying to set Todd up? I know. See, now, Mama, why, why you gotta say that, Mama?

See, now, Riley, go get a plate and get out of here, because Mama's going to get all crazy. Like, see, now, I'm going to hash it out with Mama Todd. I love that Riley's just like, I will be in my room now. Good night, everybody. By the way, there was another fight because there's this middling drama that no one cares about between Tan and Carmen.

And they got into a fight when all the bridesmaids got together and Tan tried to sign things and then Carmen was drinking. And the next thing you know, Weezy, or weenie was like i will not have you ruin this wedding it's like what is going on here and by the way the most important takeaway from that entire scene was that that bar the bar stools were not stools

but they were swings and i was like this is another reason that yeah they were sitting there in swings i'm like this is another reason why I didn't even notice that. Yeah, they were sitting there in swings. I'm like, this is another reason why I can't take Atlanta seriously. Because every time I see Atlanta, it's just like idiots on screen doing stupid things in places that are trying to be cool and trendy, but just look like they're trying too hard and just bougie. Yeah. I think the biggest thing to take away from that scene is that there's a woman in the world named Weenie. And a woman named tan yeah probably short for tanya um so what else happened on this show i hope that mama todd sticks around and beats the shit out of mama joyce because mama joyce deserves it

and that's my hope for this show yeah anything else that's it finish it let's finish it should we be done with this finish him him. Finish with this show. Finish him. Thank you, everybody, so much for being here and listening for another week on Watch What Crappens. You can find us on Facebook.com at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens on Twitter at What Crappens. You can find me, Ronnie Karam, at my website, TrashTalkTV.com, where there's a bunch of writers writing comedic recals for TV shows. You can also find us on Trash Tweet TV or on YouTube at Trash Talk TV, T-E-E-V-E-E. You can find my personal stuff at Ronnie Karam on Twitter and Instagram. You can find Benjamin Mandelker on his blog, B-SideBlog.com, or on all social media outlets at b-sideblog

Twitter Instagram Duolingo and Vine Duolingo secret you'll just have to search them yeah and I think that's it we love you guys very much

come to our Facebook page talk to us let us know if you have any suggestions do you want us to talk about some shows we're not going to add any shows on the rotation right now

because we've got too many but we will maybe do some one-offs if you guys want and talk about some other stuff on probably you're watching okay okay everybody bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years.

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