Watch What Crappens - #137: Going Out On A Limb

Episode Date: July 23, 2014

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) tackle all the death threats, backstabbing, and leg throwing on Bravo, starting with the Real Housewives of NYC season finale. Aviva threw her leg, and the world scratched its head. Then it's on to the latest brawl in Orange County, followed by more hilariously deplorable behavior on Game of Crowns. The Bravo entertainment wheezes to an end with recaps of Ladies of London and Real Housewives of New Jersey, both of which had snoozers of episodes (but that didn't stop us from having lots of fun at their expense). Come in and listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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See how that makes sense? Use it and have fun. Watch what crappens. Watch what crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Crappens. Crappens. Crappens. Crappens. Crappens? platform you wish to peruse. Joining me, as always, is my trusty cohort, the one and only and the beautiful Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hello, Ben. Hello.

Why don't you tell the people where they can find you? You guys can find me come to my website, TrashTalkTV.com. We've got a lot of comedy writers writing really funny TV recaps. You can also follow us on Twitter at TrashTweetTV or come to our YouTube channel

for Big Brother parody videos and that is YouTube.com slash Trash Talk TV T-E-E-V-E-E or you can follow me at Ronnie Karam on Twitter or Vine at Ronnie Karam or Instagram at Ronnie Karam. Okay? Yeah.

Everyone do that because Ronnie is super funny and all his content is funny. He is the funniest content or ever. Thanks Ben. No problem. And of course, if you want to get truly involved as you should do come and like our Facebook page, which is facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ins all one word.

It's a really fun Facebook page. We're up to 2,600 likes. There's actually a really fun, active community of people up there. People post links, like, all the time. We usually only, if we're covering gossip on the show, we usually only get to one or two stories, and there are probably like 10 or 15 that go up on this page, and they're from obscure places sometimes, and they're hilarious.

It's really worth getting involved. People are very funny very funny good commenters so go ahead and like it like that page and be in the in crowd you know what i'm saying yeah guys i'm actually posting a video to that page right now of kenya moore falling on the runway so come on it's totally worth it it was on tmz so thanks thanks for being awful, TMZ. You know what? I was at the gym yesterday and I walked by TV and that stupid show Dish Nation was on and Portia was on there. I didn't know what she was saying because the TV was on mute. But the big, like, the title that was under her just said, Kenya be tripping.

So I guess I just assumed that was about, like, Kenya being crazy. I just thought it was like a funny thing to say. Kenya fell faster than how old lady boobies fell down on Santa's knee. Kenya actually just got run over by the Underground Railroad. But I guess that was actually in reference to Kenya actually tripping. I have a little bit of gossip. It's really, there's no story attached to it. But guess who I saw last night when I went out to a bar.

Reza. No. Leah. No. One last guess. Lily Galici. No. Although it's funny because I spoke about all three of those people with the person I was hanging out with.

The two people that I saw at the bar were former fuck buddies Jax and Horseface. Ew! Seriously? Seriously? They were hanging out together. What were they doing? What bar were you at? What bar? I was at the Pikey,

which is an awesome bar. It looked like they were actually on a double date. They weren't like they were solely with each other. They each had a date and there may have been one or two other people with them so and you know by the way we have to we have to touch base with katie cazorla because katie got an invite to to sheena's wedding did you know that oh really how funny yeah and the wedding i think may have been this past weekend so we have to hear all about that because that was televised for the show oh yeah super hope high-profile yes it's only like the wedding of the century yeah every bump everybody from recita was there it was a who's who of

Azusa Azusa who yeah I actually really would have liked to do the who's the who's the other views oh I wonder if they'll make the Azusa daily social page. Out and about. We're up on the horoscopes. I can't wait for that show to come back. I'm so excited for it. I can definitely wait.

I am excited to see the spinoff that I hear is in the works at Bravo of Lisa's gay bar which looks exactly the same and it's on the same street but is just named something different. Pump. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. And they actually have

like a little tiny gold Vander on the roof. So people you know because like in case tourists are too stupid to figure out which one is Lisa's but they took it down this week. So I think they're finally having a little faith in us. Thanks, Pomp. Yeah, thanks.

I still have yet to go. I've been told that it's like very 80s and antique-y and not in the spirit of WeHo. Well, it's the same thing. It's the exact same thing as Sir is. It's just big, gigantic. the same thing. It's the exact same thing as Sir is. It's just big, gigantic. Everything's gigantic. You know, it's like a flower potter, but huge. You feel like you're kind of in Alice in Wonderland.

Yeah. But like, not in like a fun gay way, but just like an attacky. You know, like old fancy lady, old lady, fancy way. Old fancy lady. Yeah. And I went with my friends who were like, this is uncomfortable stupid this isn't fun let's go somewhere else um and then i met this really cheesy gay guy the other day you know those gay guys who are like they're in pleather jackets and are really tight and he was wearing skinny jeans and they were coming down below his butt

crack well he's not in the stall and he looks at everybody like they're disgusting. And like his eyes are always half rolling. You know, like one of those. And it's like, he acts like he's like really cultured and smart. And everybody else is stupid. And you ask him what he does. And he's like, I do hair. Get over yourself, bitch.

Like, seriously. So anyway, he was one of those. And he's like, oh my God, that was a pump. It was gorgeous. It was the most amazing place. It was so beautiful. I was like, oh, Jesus,, that was a pump. It was gorgeous. It was the most amazing place. It was so beautiful. It's like, oh, Jesus, you little faggito burrito. Get out of my restaurant.

Yeah, get out of there. Get out. Hey, Ronnie, will you sing a show tune to everyone for a second? Because I realize why you sound so quiet to me. It's because I have the wrong headphones in. So sing a song for 10 seconds. Ben, it would be nice if you tested this shit. Ben, you need to start using headphones for your internet porn to test them.

Your neighbors don't want to hear game boning from you. That was a beautiful song. Beautiful. Isn't that nice? Oh, yeah. Oh, God, you sound so much better to me. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry you all had to endure that.

That song was called Ben, your headphones yeah um i was using my headphones well i mean i'm using my bad headphones i should say uh but now i've got my good ones in actually these headphones that i'm using are like old headphones but they were better old like earbuds and i'm like apple you changed the design and i don't appreciate it hey Hey, while we're talking about earphones, did you know that Beats, you know those stupid things that cost like $5,000 for headphones? Yeah. And everybody, like, poor people

on the street are wearing them and you're like, don't you need an apartment? Like, why are you wearing $500 headphones? I just read that those cost $14 to make. So, fuck you, Dr. Dre. Yeah, fuck you. I want some fancy headphones and all I have are

my old earbuds. This is really fascinating stuff for people. Isn't this great? I have those headphones with the things that go inside your ear like a stethoscope and they kind of suck your ears and then when you pull them out, they've got earwax. They're like earwax removal headphones. Those remind me of the earphones on TWA.

Back when TWA existed, that's what their earphones were like, and yours were hurt. Yeah. What is going on there? Is someone watering? No, there's just perpetual construction around my apartment. First they were building something. Someone's getting their teeth drilled.

I know. I feel like I'm in a dentist's office. No, there's a building that's going up across the street, and now the DWP is drilling in the street. And on top of that, my building, they've decided to renovate the gym. So it's all one big mess. It's all happening.

It's all happening right now. Maybe it's just the sound of MJ across the street opening her legs. Does he get cranked? That's the sound of MJ across the street opening her legs. Does he get cranked? That's the sound of MJ opening continuous bottles. I mean, bags of chips. I feel like I've had another Bravo celebrity sighting this week, but since I can't remember it, I'll just wait to some point in the podcast. That sounds about right. Okay, so let's get on with it. It was a huge week yeah what do you want to talk about first well why don't we

just talk about new york because this was the the leg that changed a thousand lives last last leg of the of this the last leg uh hilarious yeahious. Yeah. Totally worth it. Yes. Amazing. So, I will say, overall, the final episode was good. It wasn't like the earth-shattering, crazy fight that I thought it would be. I thought it was actually sort of like any of the other fights that have been this week. But still, highly entertaining. And when aviva

said that she'd been lied to by her doctors i was like this bitch like she is so crazy and then i realized it's a joke yeah i totally fell for it too but you gotta love that she whips out a giant folder with x-rays oh my god well she must have known that like props are now banned from the reunion so therefore she's like i'll just'll just bring him to the party now. Before someone beats the shit out of me like Portia took down Kenya. Oh my goodness. I mean, I actually really don't know where to begin. Just want me to start at the beginning of the episode.

Yeah, there wasn't like a ton of stuff to really discuss. The leg throw was amazing. I just wrote in my notes that I love that Ramona calls Sonia, Sonia Bonia. Because that's so rude and so true. Yeah. What a perfect nickname. Sonia Bonia. And it starts off with Sonia all upset because Harry left with Luann last week.

And she's in bed and her interns are like flittering around her trying to make her comfortable and put ice on her leg because she fell on the street trying to chase the cab which is hilarious. I love that she could not even bear it. Is this the only towel that we have? I can't look at this towel. I can't aesthetically deal with this towel.

Don't we have a budget for a better towel? But I just imagine her chasing that car like the little girl in Hope Floats when her dad's leaving. She's like, Daddy! If you think Sonia had such a noble injury that was like chasing after her lover on the street,

you're wrong. She clearly just fell down a staircase in some bodega in a back alley in Harlem. She did not go chasing after a cab. She didn't even know there was a cab. I believe that she was chasing a cab, but I feel like Harry probably had the coke in his pocket. She was like,

God damn it, Harry! You know it was supposed to be ours! Well, it's funny because, I mean, she's got to be on something because there are moments when she's very lucid. You know, when she was talking to Harry, she was very, very lucid. And I love the way that when she broke up with him, I the way she handled that the way she spoke to him i was like oh here's the sonia that from the season

one that we liked but the other time she's just a total mess i mean she's got to be on something yeah i like when she's all about self-respect and standing up for herself with harry like right after trying to fuck a 16 year old in mont in Montana. Come on. Yeah, that's true, too. I mean, well, Harry is a piece of shit, though. He is, but you know what? Harry's an inspiration to all homely, fat people with hair plugs. You know, you could really fuck whoever you want.

Just work really hard. Make a lot of money, and you're set. Yeah, make money and be an asshole. I mean, at least if you're a straight guy. Gay guys don't get that. No. We don't care.

We're like, oh, you're rich. That's awesome. You're a style disgusting. Because, like, guys can't fake it. Like, we can't just get a boner. No, but there are, I mean, listen. Back that up. There are definitely enough, like, sugar daddy situations where I would question.

I mean, there are these cute WeHo boys, and then you meet their boyfriend, and they're like these 55-year-old old Jabba the Hutt's or something like that. Yeah, with those bloated faces that look like they just washed up on the killing. Yeah. They're all waterlogged. Yeah, no, it works with gay guys too. I guess. It doesn't work with me though.

Well, not me. I mean, my penis can barely rally for someone who's really hot. I'm just so used to internet porn. I've got a good three minutes in me and my penis is just tired. That's the only endurance I have at this point. I know. It's very difficult. You have to work it up.

It's like speedwalking. Yeah. Okay, so enough about my penis. Yeah. Okay, so then Sonia basically invites Luanne over. And by the way, I loved how when Pickles opened the door,

Luanne's like, oh, hi, Pickles. The idea of like... Hello, Pickles darling. So good to see you. I haven't seen you since that club sandwich i had in the 90s uh have you met my friend gherkin um you're still mingling with tuna every once in a while do people still order you in movies or is it strictly popcorn now have you been never mind i was gonna like make some chick-fil-a joke but it just would have been me saying have you been to chick-fil-a but it's like how's life at chick-fil-a

been dipped in mustard lately delicious oh pickles so yeah pickles it's super cute and i at Sonya's party, she showed up in a gigantic fake diamond necklace that Sonya scraped out of her French chateau before she sold it. It's like, where'd that come from, Pickles? I know. But Pickles had a good moment at Sonya's birthday party or special whatever party it was because Sonya introduced her as Naomi. I was like, what? Not Pickles? I know.

I was like, wow, look at that respect. And then when that leg was thrown, they showed Pickles' face. And she, everyone else was laughing. And Pickles was just like worried and horrified and sad for humanity. And I was like, oh, Pickles, you feel. Yeah. Because you know that at that point, Pickles has been, you know, like she doesn't have any emotion left. You know, she's been beat down to the fact that she's accepted Pickles as her new name.

So for her to suddenly feel emotion again again it's got to be really bad yeah poor pickles i hope you start getting paid one day pics yeah i hope i hope the vlasic store comes by and saves you she may be crunchy on the outside she's soft on the inside guys give her a check um i let's see if oak uh stupid model wife was like josh i can't believe you're gonna hire someone 25 to be your model hello model wife hello i want to be on a billboard i know and she's like i'm more than just a housewife i'm like really because if you're more than just a housewife you wouldn't be begging your husband to have to get work done exactly she's i mean kristen has become so tiresome i really liked

in the beginning of the season but she even even fast forwarding to when uh to sonia's party and there's talk of aviva showing up and kristen's like like aviva she owes me an apology she owes me an apology like honestly like aviva's crazy or whatever but why the fuck does she owe you an apology she didn't like you didn't like pay out of pocket for her she just said she wasn't going and that's the end of it. You know what? Get over it. That was pretty ridiculous with all the women. They were gearing up for that

whole finale party and they're like, we're gonna get Aviva! Yeah. That was pretty stupid. What are you gonna get Aviva for? Being crazy? Although I'm glad they did go for her because that was one of the funniest scenes of all time. Honestly, anytime they go they go up to Aviva and Aviva lashes out, it's

pure hilarity. And we got to see Carol's new apartment. It's like this apartment reno and Heather's like, oh my god, it was a major renovation. Hey, Mama. Hey, Mama. I'm not going to put the G at the end of things, alright? I'm erving. What are you thinking about, Mama?

What are you doing, Mama? This couch is fly, Mama. Hey, Mama. This is like I feel like I'm with Puffy again, Mama. Yeah. Hey, Mama. She's like all into this new renovation. And she's talking about how Carol has this great modern taste.

I'm like, that's a leopard print couch. Yeah. I actually hated it. I was like, this is like Martin Lawrence Ballard came through here and shat on everything. I do think it should be featured on one of those pro-Anna sites, like those anorexia sites, because she actually turned her kitchen. She kept it looking like a kitchen, but turned it into an office. She's like, he needs a kitchen. I was like, amen, sister.

All those girls whose knees are knocking together walking down the street, they have something to be proud of. That being said, I got totally claustrophobic just looking at that kitchen. It was so, I mean, I know about galley kitchens and everything, but they have more space on below deck than they do in that thing. Yeah, and then that ceiling, that silver, that tinfoil ceiling, I was like, oh, I think that was done in the 90s. I actually like that.

Silverleaf? I don't know. Silverleaf sounds like the name of a 90s band. Although I guess that's Silverchair. Well, that would kind of fit in with the decor. I actually liked the ceiling. I just felt like everything else, it was like, I guess it was trying to be trendy gaudy or something like that. Kind of eclectic, cool.

But I just, I found it to be an eyesore. I kind of liked her sleek, modern look before. But I guess that was her morning period for the death of her husband. Oh. But I love Carol. It's so funny. Every time we rag on her, I feel bad because I feel like she's the smartest and the funniest of everyone. Our imitation is nothing like her, first of all.

If she is ever listening, I hope, you know, because she seems cool. She seems like she has a sense of humor about everything in life. So I hope she has a sense of humor about the fact that we make her sound like a dying crocodile. Because she doesn't sound like that at all. But we have truly made her sound like she is crawling out from a mud pile. Like, ah, daylight. Do you like my new apartment? But we have truly made her sound like she is crawling out from a mud pile. Ah, daylight. Do you like my new apartment?

It's leopard print. I get lots of inspiration in my non-kitchen. I don't need much room in my kitchen because the only person who works here is my ghostwriter and they don't have a body i'm having a garden of good and evil theme party in my office except it's just the office of good and evil that didn't make sense i'm sorry eve never ruined humanity's chances at happiness because i don't have any apples in my kitchen. I wax the apples not to make them look shiny, but so I don't have to eat them. Yeah, so that was Carol's apartment.

I love Razzie's sister. Mama. Mama. Yeah, Heather was about her death son, which is so so depressing I don't even want to talk about it that was sad you know what I feel bad about in all seriousness is that like this poor kid like you just know

this the hearing loss is just going to be one of several more challenges they're going to face it's not like he's just a kid who was just it's really sad I'm not saying that in a way to be mean about it I'm saying he's just a kid who was just... Yeah, it's so sad. And so it's really sad. I'm not saying that in a way to be mean about it. I'm saying it's like, you know, I actually feel for Heather and her husband on that front.

Yeah, it's really sad. I mean, on the plus side, he doesn't have to listen to his mom talk like a puss daddy on TV. So that's a plus. And I have to say also, okay, I do want to say this. When they're like, so, like, Jax, like, what do you feel? And he's like, I think my ears are fine. Like, no offense to the situation.

Not to be insensitive to the situation. But I'm going to take a doctor's. I'm going to take a doctor's. You're going to listen to a doctor? Yeah, I'm going to listen to a doctor. Well, you know what? Just to play the devil's advocate, Aviva had a doctor, too. So I don't know how much I'm going to trust any fucking doctors at this point.

That's true. That's true. But Aviva's doctor is probably the same doctor that, like, you know, you pay him $10 and he gives you, like, a weed card, you know? Yeah, it's like Dr. Moon. Yeah, she's like, doctor, I think I have asthma. And he's like, well, yeah, you've got asthma. Okay, thanks, doctor, you know? I want Adderall.

That's all I have to say on that. I don't know. I've been thinking about that all week i need it okay so let's talk about what else that's it for that show right yeah i mean i would i know that's kind of anticlimactic but we've got like 10 hours of reunion special and ramona tells off andy or something yeah she does and by the way was it me or did did ramona's cheeks look a little puffy? It looked like she had sucking candies in her mouth, but I realized there were none.

In the show or the reunion? In the show. In the show. It looked like she may have done something with her cheeks. I honestly try just not to look when Ramona's on. It's not that she's ugly or anything. She just stresses me out. She's just so high-strung and those eyes popping out of her head and shit.

I just got to turn away. Be honest. The only reason, okay, that you don't look at Ramona on the show, okay, is because you only like to look when you have Reed around, okay? And that's okay. That's okay. You can admit that. I accept that. Accept it. I accept it.

I accept that. My chemistry with Mario is explosive. I mean, from the second it was chemistry from the second we started. I accept it. I accept that. My chemistry with Mario is explosive. I mean, from the second, it was chemistry from the second we started. Okay. Okay. Okay. Jesus. Yeah.

Aviva, I didn't like you throwing your leg like that because it reminded me of one time we were having dinner at our cabin in the Berkshires when I was a kid. And my mom made a joke about how Murder, She Wrote was a repeat that week. And she said Murder, She Wrote was a repeat that week. And she said Murder, Murder, She Wrote wasn't writing that week. And then my father threw a spaghetti made out of a zucchini at my mother's head. And now I can't see anything thrown, especially a leg. Okay. This reminds me of when I was a child, okay?

I went to see Geraldine Parsons Smith go perform some track and field, okay? She had to do the long jump, all right? And when she went to do the long jump, someone threw a saw. And so she jumped, and the saw hit her, and her leg went flying into the dirt pile, but she fell down. So all I saw was a leg flying through the air, and it was very traumatic for me. So I'm sorry, I can't look at a leg falling off of someone, if it's thrown sorry okay it's very rude um i i'm sonia i'd love your weird party with all your weird people who are on the team sonia and i would love to stay but there was a leg thrown and you're also serving chicken legs and one time when i was a kid my mother and father

got in an argument about who the mailman was delivering our mail to on accident, and my father got really mad, and he threw a chicken leg wrapped in a spaghetti at my mother's head, okay? And I can't be here, okay? One time, uh, when I was a child, okay, my father took us to Kentucky Fried Chicken, okay? And he got a big bucket of chicken legs,

alright? And I was very excited about it, except one, except I got very too excited, and I touched the bucket. My father said, you can't touch the bucket. And as a result of you touching the bucket, this is what I'm going to do. And he threw every single chicken leg at my mother's face. OK, so to this day, I don't like watching legs or chickens or chicken legs being thrown. I'm sorry. OK. It's also why I can't run marathons, because every time I run a marathon, I'm trying to finish, and someone always says, it's the last leg, and then I start crying. Okay?

One of the reasons why I can't watch Lord of the Rings, okay, is that there's a character named Legolas, okay? And that reminds me, as a child, I tried to lasso a leg, but now I couldn't do it, so my father got mad at me and lassoed me instead and tied me to a tree, okay? So now I can't see anything with Lego Lask. It reminds me of my lassoed leg. Avery actually had a brother, okay? And one time, he asked me to buy him some Legos, and I put him up for adoption. So now I just have Avery, okay? As a child, okay, I used to love waffles, alright?

Okay, but now I can't eat waffles anymore because one time I bought some Eggo waffles and Mario as a joke put an L in front of the Eggo. And now all I see are Lego waffles and it reminds me too much of all my leg traumas as a child, okay? So I'm sorry, I can't eat your waffle. Every time I hear Lego my Eggo, I start crying, okay? Okay, bye New York.

See you for the next 18 weeks one last comment which is that i thought it was a very so when aviva threw her leg it was like crazy and hilarious but then the show totally went in such a bizarre direction because then everyone in the room started to laugh like this is crazy and the music got jazzy and everyone's like oh and like it was so weird to watch because i thought it was gonna be like this like moment of everyone be like oh but instead everyone was just like laughing at aviva and the show was like well weird things happen and i was like what they showed all the ladies talking and no one was paying attention to aviva and she just kind of slinked out the back yeah and then it was like, it was Carol who gave

the leg back and I was like, you need help. You need help. Oh my god, that shit was funny. It was so bizarre, but it was a nice moment. I was dying. Okay, so Real Housewives of Orange County, should we do next? Sure. David. David? David.

Everyone's trying to make me seem crazy, David! You know what, they are kind of gas lamping her Is it gas lamping or gas lighting They totally are But at the same time she's also crazy She's so gas lampable She's made of kerosene

Just light her up Gas lighting She's full of gas and she's full of light So you might as well just make her a gas light Dr. Moon would you take care of This gas I've got People are trying to gas light me whatever it is, she's full of gas and she's full of light. So you might as well just make her a gaslight. Dr. Moon, would you take care of this gas I've got? People are trying to gaslight me. It's going to blow up my butt soon.

Oh, Dr. Moon. David says that my intestine is bulging a little bit and I think that might be the source of all my problems. Can I say, I have to say, I was around a few different gays over the past, since our last podcast, and there's been discussion of OC and I would have to say I was around a few different gays over the past since our last podcast and there's been discussion of OC and I would have to say across the board everyone is team Shannon

people love Shannon yeah Shannon just I mean no matter good or for better or worse she seems like who she is she doesn't seem like she's faking it yet yeah well I think that she's also she's honest with her feelings you know so even though she is crazy even though't seem like she's faking it yet. I think that she's also honest with her feelings. So even though she is crazy,

even though she lives in a strange world and she has eccentricities, she is very honest with her emotions and she knows how to articulate them. And it lets us into her head and as a result

we can empathize with her, which is... Well, also, I mean, that's like a very psychological, deep, beautiful, actually, way of putting it. The way I would put it is Heather and Tamara are cunts, and it's really easy to root for whoever they're trying to make look crazy on TV. Tamara's obviously lying. She even said in this one, did I tell her that?

I don't remember. I don't think I did. If I did, I don't remember. Really, Tamara? And she plays both sides. She is like, she's supporting Shannon. She's like, I'm so sorry. Oh gosh, that was crazy. No, no, no, please come back. Sit down. And the next day,

she goes out to brunch with Heather and is like, and then she said this, and you know this, that and she said that and she does this and she does that she drinks vodka blah blah blah i'm like yeah she's a drunk she sleeps in separate rooms from her husband maybe we should call you know at the party oh yeah we should call a doctor because she's having a psychotic break well that was heather that was heather and that to me is a classic heather move which is to take a situation that is more or less benign, you know, and to overly dramatize to say, well, maybe we should get an ambulance. You know, if you want to make someone feel crazy, that's what you do.

Let's like publicly embarrass them and publicly shame them in front of people. Under the guise of having concern, you know, like that to me. Heather's the worst. That to me is like like that's where the gaslighting really comes in where a woman who is pushed to a limit because heather doesn't understand like like the ramifications like heather is still hung up on i was yelled at in her house i was yelled at in her house and like and she and now all of a sudden heather's crying and she and then she's then she's like well we should we should get her an ambulance, you know.

Thank God for Lizzie's husband who was like, we're not getting an ambulance. Okay, thank God for him. And also thank God for Lizzie's husband refusing to give another toast because I don't think I could take that one again. And thank God for Lizzie for somehow managing to do it all. Yeah, Lizzie.

You do it all, Lizzie. You got your parents' house cleaned. You open up a bottle of sparkling water. Yeah, good for you. You really can't do it all, Lizzie. You can do it all, girl. Girl, give yourself a pat on the back. Girl, bye.

You did it. Someone posted on our Facebook that all the pictures of the OC reunion have been floating around the internet and Lizzie's not in it. She's not in the pictures. Maybe she has a bathing suit emergency. Or maybe she's just there, but at this point she's just fucking invisible. Or maybe they'll just put her in front of a shitty green screen like they've done all season

and make her look like she's at the reunion. No, but getting back to the fight, so forather to say maybe we should get her an ambulance so it's so patronizing and obnoxious and then heather starts to cry or she does her fake crying she's like you know i just i i feel like you know like i like i don't know what to do it's like shut up heather you you're an ice queen i i'm not taking away from her point that she was just saying to her friends like this is the situation with this girl whatever that i think it's actually a totally valid defense on her part but i think all the rest of her behavior the fact that she

that she says that shannon yelled at her in her own home that that she that shannon didn't apologize to her when she did it's like heather you are so deluded yeah heather you know we've said it a million times she's the worst i don't really even have anything to say i've so i've been so disgusted with her for so long i'm just done with her but i will say i'm freshly disgusted which is nice on a show that's getting stale um i'm freshly disgusted with her husband who fights with women like that stop i mean i'm a total bitch on this pod but i would never fight like that in real life with the women like i'll talk behind their back i would like i'll call them the c word on the on the podcast but yeah i would never fight with someone's wife at a party what are you doing

it's so weird yeah no i i agree i mean look you're the implications that any of these people have any sort of class and they don't i mean again whenever brooks uh represents like like like the the biggest gentleman in the room you know you got a problem well you know what i want vicky i just want a partner and that partner is you partner i feel sometimes like you're the horse that I want to ride into the sunset. Stop pee on a tree. Find our oasis. Keep chasing those

big puddles that look like water but then we realize it was just the sun making us feel funny and then making love in the sand and riding home with sand in our cracks and wondering why we're so uncomfortable but at least we have each other, partner. Shut up! I think that

Vicky, that the next step of our relationship is the next evolution is me moving into your house because that's just the way relationships go. And also, I've been evicted from my mobile home in Alabama. So this is truly the next evolution. My wife has repossessed

our mobile home and I would like to repossessed our mobile home, and I would like to repossess your heart, Vicky. I think it's the next evolution because I just finished my food stamps for the month, and I noticed you have some extra beef jerky in your kitchen, so I thought maybe I'd just move in. And the next evolution of my meals will be eating beef jerky instead of uh instead of government cheese oh brooke she's so romantic i know um speaking of vicky we had another therapy sesh with her

and brianna where uh well this was actually super interesting because Brianna was more emotionally raw than we're used to seeing her. Usually Brianna's very tough on the outside and this time she like immediately just started crying. She's like, I just want my mom's approval and my mom

never approves of anything and I do everything that she wants to do and she never... Vicky didn't hear a word of that. I know. I love when people want their mom's approval never approve of anything and i do everything that she wants to do and she never yeah vicky didn't hear a word of that i know i love when people want their mom's approval and then they do something to rebel against their mom yeah vicky's like um you're getting that on the couch where's ryan to to abuse a woman when she's messing up my couch when i need him i know exactly uh i i don't know i'm still like until Brianna leaves that wretched man I just can't be on her side

yeah it's like if Julia Roberts went back to that guy from Sleeping with the Enemy I would not feel for her I thought you were going to say Lyle Lovett well he didn't abuse her though right just with his face he just wasn't at the same aesthetic level

yeah I don't think that that's like a technical form of abuse I think that that's say, he just wasn't at the same aesthetic level of Ezra. Yeah, I don't think that that's a technical form of abuse. I think that that's just... It's just like a Hollywood form. I'm sorry, the pretty people can only be with each other. Sorry, Lyle. We all like you, Lyle. But you just have to stay in your lane.

Lyle, you've got a face for Spotify. Right? You just keep on making that music, boy. Actually, he's on The Bridge, season two of The Bridge. Oh, really? Which, again, I'm like, why am I watching this? It's like the most depressing thing ever. And I'm like, oh, I'll just keep watching it and want to kill myself.

This is great. It's kind of like The Housewives. I mean, at least they try to be happy on The Housewives. I don't know. That's true. Dead hookers. So the other thing that happened is that Tamra's son, what's his face? Ryan.

Oh, Jesus. Okay, how has that guy aged 20 years in one season? He looks just terrible. I mean, when they show the flashbacks, I think it was last week, they showed the flashbacks of him through the years. Ooh, has he aged. That's what hard living will do. His face looks like he smoked the marlboro man oh yeah i mean he's that guy looks like that guy looks like he's been stomped on by life

yeah he has been well that's what happens when you're tamra's son you know um he so he met a girl on instagram um as we often do and uh they are now shacking up and getting married after two months. Yeah. She owns a gun store. She sort of looks like Wendy What's-Her-Face from Reno 911. Oh, Wendy McLevin Covey? I just listened to a podcast with her. She's funny.

She's so funny. Who does she look like to me? She looks like somebody, and I cannot figure it out. Hopefully, I'll figure it out by the end of the podcast, but I'll keep it in my brain. Yeah. There was something that I really wanted to talk about regarding this situation, and I can't remember it at all, but I thought it was hilarious. What's that show on you? I think it's on USA.

Oh, no. It's on FX. It's called Married, and it's with Nat Faxon and... Nat Faxon Married. Judy Greer. She looks like Judy Greer to me. Okay, look up Judy Greer, everybody, and then come on Facebook and tell me I'm right.

She didn't look like Judy Greer to me at all. Either way... I quit this podcast. Call Matt. Call Matt right now. I'm calling him up. I'm tweeting Matt and telling him he has his job back. So they were getting married, and Ryan's going to move up, and then Tamara flips out. She's like, you have to include me in these things. And she starts to yell.

Why? Why would anybody include you in these things? You're not going to pay for it, eh? Yeah. You know Tamara's going to be like, can we have cunt fitness cater this event and we'll just put cunt on every napkin like no I don't want the word cunt on every napkin at my wedding

okay thanks mom by the way I loved Tammy's silver goblets that passes wine glasses from the TJ Maxx collection wine isn't wine unless it has a faint taste of wet nickels. Yeah.

You know, when I was watching it, there was something that I was like, oh, gosh, I have to mention this on the podcast. I don't remember what it was. But it was hilarious watching Tamara start to cry. I mean, she's being so dramatic and ridiculous. She's so stupid. And no tears were coming out. Yeah. Like, you can't do this to me.

And the best part of that was, well, actually all of them were really funny. The girl was kind of laughing. Like, you could tell she was laughing in her head. And Eddie was just like, oh, geez. Like, he rolled his eyes. He's like, you're a mess. You need to go to bed. I remember now.

I remember now what actually I wanted to talk about. So they're chit-chatting. And the girl mentions that her parents have died. And so Tamara's like, oh, no. Like, what happened? I'm like, oh, my gosh. So she's like, well, my mom died of cancer. And then it's like, and what about your dad?

And she's like, well, he killed himself. I'm like, ugh. It's terrible. But Tamara, you don't pry about these things. Then Tamara's like, how did he do it? I'm like, are you seriously asking this right now? She's like, he shot himself with a gun. And the entire table is sitting there awkwardly in silence.

If someone mentions that their parents have died, you let them volunteer the rest. But you don't start asking what happened. How did they commit suicide? Well, not only that, but not even a full minute later, Tamara storms off to the oven, muttering curse words to herself and goes, just shoot me. Yes, exactly. That's a little insensitive. I know. When she said that, I couldn't believe it.

I was like, you're so ridiculous right now It's like being on the phone with Taylor Armstrong After Russell died And being like Taylor could you hang on for a second Like you just don't say that You just say Taylor could you please hold I mean have some On to this noose

Yeah From Wondery This is Black History for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat

or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost cost academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power money and sex collide in a game of life and death

follow academy on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. You know what? I hope hell is fun. I hope I lose weight before I die because I want to be able to be in a bathing suit in hell. I'm Jewish. I don't believe in hell. Oh, well, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

You don't have to believe in an oven to get burned in hell. Oh, I didn't even mean that was horrible. Oh, hey, there you go. Holocaust, Holocaust. You know, I don't mind being a horrible human being, but I really didn't even mean... That was horrible. Oh, hey, see, there you go. I just meant because I've been taught that, you know what? Holocaust, Holocaust. You know I don't mind being a horrible human being. I really didn't mean that

to be a jujo. What's your favorite store? Is it Holocaust Market? Ross, dress for Holocaust, Les. Oh, sorry about that. Okay, everyone. Why don't we move on to... Let's see. Where do we want to go next? We have Why don't we move on to... Let's see.

Where do we want to go next? We have three shows that we can go to next. We should go to Game of Crowns because that was also absolutely amazing. Oh, my God. Game of Crowns. Really disgusting. What a disgusting show. I'm going to watch every minute of it.

It is phenomenal. It is such a good show. And it got me actually really fired up. First of all, though, before I get all fired up, such a funny show. So funny. so entertaining. These women are so catty to each other. They're so evil to each other. It is just phenomenal.

They are just downright awful, awful human beings. I mean, every one of them. The only one that seems kind of nice is the one that they're calling the man. Yeah. But that's also because she's probably been beaten into submission. So let's talk about the situation so these girls they make a bet on what the what how the uh the pageants gonna the results are gonna be for mrs america okay and they have all these different scenarios and the former mrs america she wins the bet when the mannish one doesn't place in i think top 10

or top four okay but before we even go to this part yeah we have to talk about these women okay so their friend quote unquote is competing well they have a couple friends competing they're totally trash talking them talking about how they're not gonna win making bets if they'll even make the top 10 they're calling her they're like oh god she looks like a man i guess it's because she used to be fat but i God, she looks like a man. I guess it's because she used to be fat, but, I mean, she really looks like a man. And then that Vanessa, who, like, you have the face of Chucky, bitch. Like, I cannot believe you're going to criticize anybody.

Yeah. But she pops open those plastic eyes, and she's like, well, she's what we call a 40-footer. And that's when she's really cute from 40 feet away. It's like, oh, my God. Says the 200-footer. God, no kidding. Says it from Spacer spacer god what a bitch

i know no i mean they're they're being totally obnoxious i mean i can understand making like a like i i can understand making like not like an official bet but like i bet it's gonna be someone's like who's right you know who's who's who's gonna get the right the right order but um it was though mean considering it was their friends that they were betting on or betting against yeah and so anyway so this bet happens the former mrs america she wins the bet and so she's sort of like she's kind of like laughs and does like a little celebratory dance so lee ha's uh husband is named nick i believe he is sitting behind these women at this and nick is certifiably crazy during during the entire pageant he's like he's like would i land you know he's like a total like boar you know um

a complete monster and so then when he's like hey why are you laughing why are you laughing and he's like yeah go baby i fucked that i fucked that i tapped that ass at home and he says in front of the kids he's like like like shut shut the fuck up you're a bunch of old twats or something like that yeah he called them all twats he's like what's so funny what's so funny hi bunch of twats yeah and then he's like i want these then the women are like okay the women are like they're hating this and then the then he's like getting mad he's like, I want these. Then the women are like, OK. The women are like, they're hating this. And then he's like getting mad. He's like yelling at other people, administrators of the pageant. And then his dad comes through. And the dad like leans in to the Cher looking one and says, like, how do you like that your husband's dead?

You know, which is actually a death threat. Because that lazy eyed chihuahua turned around and was like, you don't talk to me like that. You don't talk to me like that, alright? You know who my husband is! Yeah, you don't talk to me like that. You know who my husband is? And he's like, yeah, do you know who the chalets are? I'm like, I think

they make razors, but that aside. And then the dad comes in from behind her and he's like, I bet your husband's dead. Yeah. What the fuck? What is this show? Yeah, exactly.

So then the women clear out and everything. So already, you know what? I'm already massively disturbed because this guy, Nick, he's a cop, okay? It's bad enough if you're a cop that your dad is making death threats. It's bad enough that you're calling people twats. It's bad enough that you are yelling and screaming at people, not truly even knowing the full story of what's going on. Like, sure, it's bitchy of them to have a... And women.

Yeah, and women. It's sure, it's bitchy of them to have a bet. But he's like, he was truly like, I'm going to scream at you first. He even said later on, I don't even really know what they were talking about. But I knew they were laughing, so I decided to go at them. It's like, you're a cop and as a cop you're supposed to be someone who practices the idea of like um like like yeah right awful yeah but you know what i'm saying and the point is yeah this is what i've also been pulled over by cops exactly and that's what's scary is like

this actually to me it it it sort of spoke of a larger truth about so many cops in this country or it feels like that you know like people who are on massive power trips you know yeah um who are crazy people i'm not saying all cops are like that but also he's like basically threatening them with a crime family or something it sounded like he was saying do you know this crime family because i'm connected i'm like really you know you're on tv right I'm connected. I'm like, really? You know you're on TV, right? Yeah, well, I mean, it's like a shoot first, ask questions mentality. It's the same shit that's got all this publicity in New York with a cop that killed some dude on the corner. Did you hear about that?

The chokehold? It's like excessive force, shoot first, ask questions later. Is this the fat guy that he choked? Yeah. He was on top of a fat guy. Yeah, because he said that. yeah because he didn't get choked no it wasn't a chokehold he got crushed to death or something because he was he couldn't breathe yeah well either way the point was that this guy was he was being accused of selling cigarettes illegally and then you know he granted he did mouth off to the cop but the point point is this. You don't have to die for that. Exactly.

And the point is that here you have someone, this guy Nick, who people's lives are actually – he affects people's lives. He can affect – he can arrest someone. He can change someone's life. He can get someone in jail. And this is someone who has a position of power in society. And it's like to me that was actually so scary. It brought out all these emotions in me. Well, it made me scared for his wife,

who's obviously terrified to eat anything. And then she believes the lady. You can tell she kind of believes it, and is like, what do I do? And then her husband's freaking out while they're having a... Okay, so all the ladies basically pull her to dinner. They take her to dinner, and they're like, your husband was completely inappropriate. And all we said is that you're ugly and disgusting and look like a man and we can't look at you up close. I mean, who cares, darling?

And she was like, I don't know if my husband would say that, but he saw you laughing at me and he's just trying to protect me. Yeah, classic excuse. Yeah. Brianna. That's from the Brianna school of excuses. Yeah. He's trying to protect the couch yeah but you know just to back up a little bit before even that uh that dinner um when when nick uh finally gets leah backstage after the the pageant when he tells the story he's like yeah well you know i there was a little bit of drama i you know the uh the women were the

women were laughing at you so i just you know i just told them to stop you know and i was like no no no no don't act like you just like very politely told them to be quiet you know that's not how it worked which is what also scared me yeah you called them twats and then you threatened to kill one of their husbands like what the fuck exactly and that's what that's what i hate about it is that like again to get back what i was saying this is also an example of something very scary and that like you have a hothead police officer that could like possibly arrest you because he is like crazy you do one small thing wrong he's crazy he's gonna put you in jail and then when it gets to when you when you're trying to fight in front of a jury whatever he's gonna be like no all this is all that happened you know it's like it's like to me it's psychotic and it's like people like that

should not be allowed on the police force and i actually a ton of them are that's why they're passing laws that you can't film policemen yeah and it's like that's that should not be allowed on the police force. And I actually think he should. A ton of them are. That's why they're passing laws that you can't film policemen. Yeah. And it's like that's why I think he should be kicked off the police force in Rhode Island. I'm going to say that. I'm going to go on record to say that. He should be off the police force. With that sort of temper and that lack of judgment right there that he showed right there, he may have been off duty.

But you can't tell me that he doesn't exercise that same lack of judgment when he's on duty. Yeah. Cops get the shit out of me. Yeah, they really do. I mean, I know there are good cops out there, of course, and there are so many stories of cops doing nice, good things, helping society, but there's also cops like that, and I unfortunately think there are too many of them.

Yeah, not cool. Not cool, bro. But then, you know, it's like, then you start kind of rooting for him to shoot somebody because these women are such morons that they all they really need to say is the truth your husband called us fucking twats uh and then he threatened to kill my husband but they never said either one of those things they said your husband yelled and screamed at us and then that weird old whore like like old retired whore pony whatever her name is like with adrian maloof color in her hair shut up

lynn diamante yeah that fucking retard she's like and then he threatened to murder me like what i know at that point i was like this show is amazing actually because it's like they are just full on lying and now like and now all these women have lost the upper hand. Yeah. I mean, all they needed, they have the truth on their side. Why is that necessary? And then is Vanessa the, not Vanessa. Yeah, it was Vanessa who was like, that was a lie. That was a lie. Yeah, but one of them's standing up for her.

I think it's a little chihuahua. Yeah, I've done the truth, all right? Which is funny because Chihuahua was the one whose husband was threatened. Yeah. Yeah, so bizarre. The show is just so bizarre. It's hard to even follow because they're all so full of shit. Well, the best is when Lynn Diamante starts talking about, like, you know, how important physical appearance is.

And they cut to her talking. And she's, like, got her boobs hanging out in her pink shiny jacket with, like, weird pastels in her hair. And her face all, like, distorted from, like, janky Botox. pastels in her hair and her face all like distorted from like like janky Botox you know she's getting like the cheap Botox from like this she's getting it from like the red the red box machine she's like I can get a rental or here's

oh here's a needle of Botox that I found in the machine I'll just put this in my face my other favorite part was when the lazy-eyed chihuahua was apologizing to Vanessa. And she's like, Vanessa's like, I demand an apology. I really need for you to apologize for us to move forward. And she's like, all right, I'm very sorry for what I did, what I said, who I am, what I wore, whatever.

I'm sorry. And Vanessa is just staring at her while she's putting on this lip gloss really slowly, not answering. It's like, that's amazing. I want to do that in real life. It was great. And by the way, you have that woman's voice down so perfectly. I happened to do a recap for TVgasm years ago of Toddlers and Tiaras because the recapper, Dear Krabby, who's fucking hilarious and is recapping Game of Crowns now at Trash Talk TV. So come read them because she's great.

But anyway, I filled in for her once and it was that episode. It was that dumb bitch's episode about her daughter. So I've had her in my brain for a long time. And when she gets in, she does not get out. She will never, never leave. No, it is. I mean, the show is nothing but entertainment and joy it brings me such such happiness yeah so now what was going to be a show about beauty pageants is now going to be about

husbands and crime i mean i don't know where the show plans on going but it looks like it's going to cray cray well that's what rhode island is i mean i don't know if you know i mean providence is a huge mafia town huge it's not just people think oh providence where it's where brown university is no that's providence i always think of that terrible mbc show about sisters oh it's not providence yeah yeah that was with melina karakin i use whatever yeah karakin akitis some greek lady who's on csi new york um yeah um if you're not watching game of crowns people do it because i know i've said this maybe a few times but other shows i'm like oh it's the best thing since gallery girls but i think this one really is the best thing since gallery girls well i i mean honestly i feel as an american i

feel it's kind of a hurtful show because i'm pretty pro-america and i'm rooting for the terrorists i'm like god i hope they get a nuke soon because this I mean it's just time for us to go I mean I think it's time for another species to take over we're done you can't say those things President Obama's down the street oh he is? oh god okay I root for the terrorists to hit Providence

President Obama is literally down the street by the way this is a very presidential podcast we're podcasting from the vicinity of President Obama oh literally down the street. By the way, this is a very presidential podcast. We're podcasting from the vicinity of President Obama. Oh, yeah. Woo-hoo. Can't wait for all the traffic. Yeah. I hope I get stuck behind his motorcade.

By the way, how is that for a name drop? Yeah. Oh, just President Obama's outside? You're like, guess who I saw yesterday at a bar? Obama. I saw Jax and Horseface and Obama's outside. You're like, guess who I saw yesterday at a bar? Obama. I saw Jax and Horseface and Obama. Seriously? Seriously?

Like, Obama? You just have to stop. Seriously? He's like, America, I have imported new maids for all of you. You're welcome. Executive order. I would love Horseface to run for president. She gets up there like, seriously?

Seriously? Could she be any worse? Seriously, what we're stuck with is pretty much that. Like Israel, you just have to stop right now. Like Palestine, you guys are both like, it's just like so much. Like seriously? Seriously? I don't want to work in the same section as Stassi, but I have to sometimes.

And sometimes we smoke in the alley at the same time, and that's just how it's going to be. I can't just blow her up. Like, I don't understand why everyone's against Hamas. Like, I love Hamas, especially dipping, like, some carrots and celery into it. Like, that's, like, my favorite snack. Seriously? What's wrong with Hamas, especially dipping, like, some carrots and celery into it. Like, that's, like, my favorite snack. Seriously? What's wrong with Hamas? Seriously?

It's like saying, I want more of him in Spanish. Hamas. All right, so we're done with those bitches. Now who do we got? Do you want to do Ladies of London or New Jersey? Oh, my goodness. We have to hurry through this. Thank God both of those shows were stupid.

Okay, let's do we can do jersey quickly because actually nothing happened on jersey it was like a christmas episode it was another one of those episodes where we're supposed to feel so fucking sorry okay there's so many lies in this show let's all feel sorry for that fucking crook judici yeah yeah i refuse i'm so glad you said that he's like well you know, well, you know, if things get bad and I have to say I have to go on a trip, say I have to go to college. Actually, you know what? God forbid you do go to real college and get an

education. God forbid. That would be the day. That's actually an option in prison now. I hope that you do actually visit the library and do a little reading, you fucking moron. I know, exactly. I wrote you a letter for reading. Fucking moron. I know. Exactly. I wrote you a letter for Christmas.

Dear tree. It's me, Joe, your husband. Yeah, I'm writing. So, you know,

things, kids, yeah, jail, family, love Joe. I'm like, wow. Could you maybe have just recorded a voice message and sent that instead?

Cause I don't know what the fuck this is supposed to be. I think this is like, especially at the end when they're sitting by the fireplace, and he's saying the most important thing is, I think about our kids, and I think about I want to keep everything together, and there are people that are coming after us. No, no, no. It's not that people are coming after you. It's not like a bunch of criminals just rode into town on their horses with their shotgun. They're going to round up all the people, all the innocent judicias,

and shoot them and tie them up and abduct them. No, no. You were being the predator. You went after people. You defrauded people, okay? And now you're getting caught. They're not coming after you. They have caught you.

After a fucking hurricane. I mean, Jesus Christ, man. Yeah, exactly. I wish that he had read. If you don't want to break up the family, if you don't want to like missing your daughters grow up, how about you like don't defraud people? You know what? Because those people, they lost money and now maybe their family is broken up as a result of it. How about that?

I am so on my soapbox today. I wish that instead of writing a letter to Teresa, he had just read Sonia's letter from Real Housewives of New York where she was giving that speech at that party that was 10 pages. Yeah. She's like, you who've done my nails, you're part of my team. And that's important because you're not just you. Now you're you and me. Together, we're you and me. We.

What? Yeah. You're the A-Tree. Together, we're you and me. We. What? Yeah. A tree.

So, you know, when we were at the Jersey Shore, my aura, it was low. But now my aura is high. So, thanks, tree. Some of you, some of yous call yourselves facialists. Some of yous are contractors. But to me, yous is all me. What the fuck is with Teresa speaking of defrauding and stealing from people who are innocent?

What's up with Teresa suddenly having a dessert company? Did we already talk about that? Because that is so gross. Tommy has a dessert company now. What? Yeah. That is so cold, man. That is so cold. Now, granted kathy blew that one she hasn't done

crap and she doesn't have a dessert company she has cannoli kids that i think yeah we're taking off the market like a week after they entered the market but still she's stupid because kathy uh the first season she was on she made all these desserts and everyone's like oh my god i want to eat kathy's desserts and so who like how does she get some brand advice she was on she made all these desserts and everyone's like oh my god I want to eat Kathy's desserts and so who like how does she get some brand advice she relies on her gas station owner husband and as a result she is never able to capitalize on it now I'll tell you by the way I'll tell you who I think will

capitalize on this sort of thing will be that guy whatever his name is one of the twins husband the one who has the restaurant and teaching his son how to cook I was like I was like you know I enjoyed watching him teach his son. And I was like, it's just sort of cool, you know. What kind of teaching was that?

Who pours Grey Goose on a steak? That was the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Is that true? I agree. That seems strange. I'm like, what sort of flavor is that? That guy doesn't know what he's doing yet. But I liked how he was, you know, though he was, I don't know.

I still enjoyed watching him cook. Even though I was sort of like Grey Goose. I was like, you want to be a star? All right, here. You want to be a star like me? Walk around the restaurant, have people know you just can't walk in. You gotta know what you're doing, kid. And throw this Grey Goose on the stake and start a fire. Whoa, people love a show, kid.

Like you're a fucking moron, dude. And then his wife, which I think is Teresa, I can't remember. She's like, there's no there's no professor. There's no teacher. There's no teacher. There's no one who could teach him as much as his own father. I'm like, actually, there's probably like 30,000 professors that could teach him more. Yeah. No kidding.

Yeah. You know, I think specifically a professor could teach him more. That's what they do. That's their job. They teach. And they teach you things you don't know. That's what a professor does. Oh, my goodness.

I'm trying to see what the name is rhino his her name is rhino who uh restaurant little italy rhino i'm trying reno reno's italian restaurant the bronx nice little italian restaurant i'm trying to find a yelp review for this shit because i really want to read this little italy restaurant but you know what i'll have to find that well the little restaurants are all tourist traps anyway right it's not like there's like not like that's like the best italian in the city yeah either way i just i just have a feeling those yelp reviews are scary i also i liked um the twins mom santa who was like at one point i forgot it was but like it was it wasn't Teresa and Nicole, I think,

and Nicole's like, Mom was saying this, and then Santa's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I never said that. No, no, no, I never said that. Oh, I love the father. The father to me

seemed like an old Jewish guy. He was like, what we have here is tradition. Tradition is what keeps us alive. Tradition. Tradition. Tradition. Tradition. I like the mom.

She's like, I thought this was going to be fun. No, I like the parents. Those are good parents. They're funny. And then everything else in the show there was nothing i mean what they made amber made gingerbread houses joe and melissa did they stuck their tongue on poles i mean there's nothing there's nothing i mean oh and those two fucking liars oh well you know we're building a new house because we just like to move a lot

like they don't have to fucking move like you're living in model homes that are made out of cardboard basically it's gonna be remember last year when the granite was made out of like like paper well it's gonna be like it's gonna be like um spinal tap you know they're like these are the plans for our new house it looks all big and everything but what's gonna happen if the house is gonna be like a dog house it's gonna be just like 7v wide just built down to see it'll be a doll house well she keeps saying, oh, well, we sold a house. No, you didn't. They rented that house and the person who rented it won't pay the

rent because it's falling apart and it's a bunch of crap that they won't fix. So they still haven't sold their house, so they can't build. Like, they're totally fucked and they're such liars. How are we supposed to believe you're building a new house when you're, like, when you've now put all your money into the garbage business? Okay, like okay like that's you clearly don't have the funds for it

this is like chateau charrette part two um i am looking at angelos i need to really stop this um there was a sharp thing the size of a staple and probably used to wrap vegetables together in my okra. Okay. Why are they serving okra at an Italian place anyway? I don't know. Carrabbas is better. Yikes. They actually do have mostly decent reviews.

I mean, you can always find shitty things on Yelp. But I just want something like some guy kept yelling at us and walking through and throwing vodka on our steaks. But I guess that's not gonna happen well it's like the reviews for um when the the manzo kids opened up their stupid restaurant um in hoboken and the reviews were just god awful um okay so what else happened on jersey dina wah wah her fucking kids going to school really yeah congrats well again again maybe she's not going to school because she doesn't get into nyu next week well so you just you just wrote on a rock that you didn't give a fuck what the universe you just told the universe i don't care do whatever you want so what do you

i mean what kind of intention is that dina i don't think you're studying this properly like when when you form intentions you form intentions, you form intentions. The girl had it right. She's like, I want to go to NYU. And she's like, just tell the universe whatever. No, well, the universe is going to give you a bunch of crap. You know who else tells the universe that? Homeless people.

I don't care. Just give me whatever you feel like. And the universe doesn't feel like giving you shit. I encountered a really annoying homeless person today. Don't get me started. Don't even get me started. He had plastic surgery. I was like, what sort of homeless person has plastic surgery?

What's with the fucking iPhones and, like, venti-ized frappuccinos? I'm like, seriously? He had a cell phone, too. This guy, he had a cell phone. He had plastic surgery, but he was clearly homeless. I mean, he was homeless beyond homeless but he clearly was someone my theory was that he was once like some like self-involved gay who uh because he seemed very gay he was like he was sassy um and he uh probably got onto meth he probably got into

the meth scene and now he's like homeless he's homeless with his like with his male plastic surgery i'm laughing at him, but he was... I shouldn't laugh at his misfortune, but I have to say it was really... He was yelly and up in everyone's face. LA homeless people are the best because if you really like them, you can find

them on IMDb. Most of them are just actors. It's like, I recognize you. Oh my god, Lifetime! By the way, I just want to our i'm on our facebook page uh watch what crap is facebook.com watch what crap is and i just want to just give a one quick reference to new york uh madonna hines says medically speaking to esophageal reflux does not cause asthma so i'm i'm hoping that madonna is a is a medical professional because i'm relying on her but if she's right what did she say say it again she says reflux doesn't cause asthma and

that's what that's what that's what um aviva was saying of course what a stupid fucking thing to say she has reflux i have asthma because of my acid reflux. What? I've never heard that. I love Tiffany Engledow posted. You remember how before I said in New York, Pickles was like giving that horrified look? It wasn't at the party. It was when she was standing in the other room listening to Sonia try to tell off Luann. And the look on Pickles' face is hysterical. So it's like she's freaking

out I love it so thank you Tiffany I love that I love that we were just talking about it and you posted it without even hearing that I was talking about exactly she just sort of felt it like her aura was like shimmering she was like yeah it's like the most random screenshot to post and it's awesome okay and I also love both of us posting pictures of Tamara all week it's like Tamara's horrible face week. Well, when she was crying, I mean, she just looked so grotesque. It was like, I'm seeing visions of Elsa. Yeah, I think that picture came from Madonna too.

One of you posted the original one I posted, so thank. I took the one that's up there now, I took with my own phone. So, oh no, I meant the one I posted the other day. I just shared it from someone who posted it. Do you want to talk about Ladies of London? Yeah, let's go to Lads of Lens because this one will have time. I mean, New Jersey is notoriously long. It's like the longest Housewives ever.

I think their last season had like 26 episodes. Jersey and Atlanta are always super long. Yeah, so we'll have plenty of time. And the fake drama will be coming down the mountain. So we'll see more of that later. Who cares right now? Lads of Lens. Wow, geez.

Yeah, this was a snooze of a season finale. This was, like, nothing happened. It was basically Caprice being like, I'm having a baby, and I don't know what to do. I'm really excited about it. So, ah, the baby's here, and whoa, I've been waiting 41 years for this. Wow. Oh, God. Caprice is the worst.

And yeah, it was it was just dull. I mean, there was I mean, the argument at the top of the episode, you could barely basically this woman just keep coming in and coming out. And I kind of, well, you're a bully. You said that I was a bully. I was not being a bully. I was saying it was rude. And then I was like, I can't believe that she said that i was bully i was not being a bully i was saying it was rude and then i was like i can't believe that she said that about me score score score can you believe what they're saying about me score like i can't believe that she would say that about me that i'm i'm a bully i'm not a bully i can't believe she would say that you have bad manners you have bad manners oh yeah oh you're terribly behaved oh what terrible manners oh You have bad manners. Oh, you're terribly behaved. Ugh, what terrible manners. Ugh, manners, manners, manners, manners. Score. Score.

And Caprice is like, it was just me. It was me who said it, okay? I said it. It was such a stupid argument. I mean, but I love the way Caroline dismissed her. She's like, I'd like you to leave my house now. Goodbye. Goodbye.

She's like, you called me a bully in my house. I think it's time for you to go. Goodbye. And Caprice is like, I will go. Hopefully you have a car for me to take me home. I've just been working so hard. And you know, that Caroline chick is right. She's like, look, I hate the bitch.

I still made her a vegan meal, you know, even though she showed up two hours late to my party. She doesn't, she won't even eat it or acknowledge that I had it made. She's like, she's awful. But my thing is like, she's always been, and you were fine being friends with her before. I can't imagine that she's just become a fame whore, awful human being. Why was she okay before, and now she's not?

I feel like people in England don't like her. I feel like she's one of those celebrities that people are like, ugh, there she is again. And Caroline should have never been friends with her in the first place. I mean, the woman was on The Surreal Life, we're crying out loud. She's so beneath Caroline. Like, give me a break. Well, yeah, I mean, but then on the other hand, Caroline really just runs a gift service.

It's not like... Yeah, but Caroline is at least plugged into British society, you know? And she's awesome. I really like her. She is awesome, and she's so much better than Caprice. And I like how she'll just walk right up and say exactly what's on her mind. And she doesn't have to yell and scream at you. She's just like, that was rude. I don't appreciate it.

Yeah. And then stupid Caprice, I didn't ask them for a baby shower. They offered. And then it's like cut to Caprice asking for a baby shower. Yeah. Stupid. The whole baby shower gate was like so dumb. But then at the end it was like

no one ended up throwing a baby shower for Caprice. That was it. She just stuck in Hacienda Heights with her mom and Costco. Yeah, so that was a pretty lame, sad ending. And I'm wondering if that show is going to come back because I don't even think it has a reunion. I don't know. Well, because the thing is that the next show, which I'm not going to

watch... Jersey Belle? Yeah, that doesn't start in two weeks, so there's going to be something on next week. I don't know what it's going to be. I will not be watching that either. No, I'm not going to watch Jersey Belle. I'm not going to watch whatever else there is.

That's like Jersey Girl in Alabama. Those are two accents that can kiss my ass. I'm not listening to either one of those. It's just one of those generic shows that Bravo throws up there. There was that show about that divorce woman that was on this summer who was actually going to be on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Oh, yeah. Untying the Knot. Yeah. Untying the Knot. Whatevs. Whatevs. Yeah. was on this summer who was actually going to be on real house as a new jersey oh yeah tying the knot yeah untying the knot yeah whatevs whatevs yeah um ladies of london i thought the

show started off really well then sort of sagged a little bit then like perked up with a good dinner party and then it's sort of it's sort of like you know that show could have been fun but it was just too much like people trying to behave themselves and i don't need that in my life that's not why i watch bravo if i wanted to watch a bunch of uptight bitches i'd just go home for they also need more british women like you know you you especially once annabelle broke her pelvis and was like stuck in like a farmhouse up in the middle of the country you know and she was taken out of the equation then you just have caroline being a brit and being the only like british person there and yeah then it's just like americans trying to fit in and that's always just sad.

And Marissa is so nice. She seems like such a lovely person, but I don't necessarily want to watch her on my TV. And I'm speaking out of the side of my mouth like she does. I don't want to watch her on my TV. Yeah. And Noelle is just awful. Noelle is just disgusting.

And how much did her guy end up being worth? 20 million? Yeah. Probably still wasn't good enough for her. Yeah, she's probably like, well, she got a ring. It said they got engaged. I couldn't even pay attention to those endings. Score.

Score. Score. Score. Engaged. So we're going to get married. Yeah, she's the worst. I'm kind of glad that's over. And we are changing over.

We've got Jersey back. That'll be getting crazy soon. So this stupid one, New York is over. Ladies of London is over. What's next? Is there another Housewives to fill our life? Below Deck is coming back. Oh, God.

Do I have to watch that? Yeah. I hate that show. Can we just have Matt come back for the summer to talk to you about that? We'll make it a low priority. We won't discuss it every week. We'll discuss it if we have time. Watching Maids Clean Toilets.

Get me out of here. No interest in that. It's like, let's watch that reality show about bus boys. Sounds great. Hey, you didn't take water to 23. He didn't tell me to take water to 23. That's Vanderpump Rules, in case you forgot. Oh, no, there's not busboys on there.

I wish there were. I wish there was a Vanderpump Rules busboy spinoff. I could use that. There's a hot busboy on Vanderpump Rules. I only make 20% of your tips. I only make 20% of your 20%. What the fuck do you want from me? Get your own damn water.

That busboy, I cannot believe he talked to me like that. We need to call a doctor because he's having a psychotic break. And it can be called Under the Bus. Under the Bus with a Basket of Bread. By the way, I think it was on, which show was it? Because there were so many shows. One of these shows this week, someone was like, Don't throw me under the road.

I think it was Caprice. Or I think it was on Ladies of London. It was like, don't throw me under the road. I think it was Caprice. Or I think it was on Ladies of London. It was like, don't throw me under the road. Don't throw me in the bus. They, like, totally, like, messed up the most overwrought cliche in reality TV. Like, don't toss me on the trolley tracks. Right, darling? Don't throw me in front of a lorry.

Skort. Skort. Skort. Skort. Skort. All right. So let's end this biatch let's end it okay everyone

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And his Twitter is TrashTweetTV. And you can find him on various social media platforms by either typing in Ronnie Karam or Trash Talk TV and you'll see what you find. That's a good way to put it. You found a nice, simple, easy way to put it. I like that. Look for one of those two things and you'll find it. Google me! Subscribe to us on iTunes.

Give us a review. We haven't asked for a review for a while. That was Matt's whole role. He would always ask for the five-star review on iTunes. So someone do that. And then subscribe to us on SoundCloud, too. And, you know, when you subscribe to us, when the podcast is uploaded, it comes directly to you. You don't have to seek it out.

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