Watch What Crappens - #139: Weave It To Beaver

Episode Date: August 7, 2014

The Bravo gods keep showering us with gifts - this time in the form of weave-tugging Jersey girls and Australian drag queens. Yes, we cover all the brawling, the cattiness, and the butterfly releases that happened on Bravo this week. Come listen as Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) tackle "Game of Crowns," "Real Housewives of New Jersey," "Real Housewives of New York City," and "Real Housewives of Orange County." See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It starts with a.com domain. Enter promo code 199WWC at checkout to get your.com for just $1.99. It used to be $2.99. Now we're down to $1.99. Some limitations apply. See website for details. The code, again, is 199WWC. The 199 stands for $1.99. And the WWC stands for Watch What Crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? at TrashTalkTV.com. And on Twitter and on Instagram and on Vine and whatever,

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and it just will make your life so much better in so many different ways that i almost can't even explain it it's like like lives are changed you know yeah you guys it's it takes a village it takes to it takes a village to understand just how much the show can change your life yeah and if i village we're still around i'll be telling you guys to join our i village but we don't have that so it takes an i village it takes an i village um there's a truck going by outside i again continue to be living in a uh construction zone so um anyway why don't we get right to our shows we had a bunch of shows this week

uh ronnie where do you want to begin you know i'm just happy to be here okay we can just talk about life okay i'm tired i'm hungry i'm fat we sound like a 90s song what was that song that's like i'm tired i'm hungry i'm done everything's fine. Remember that song? No. It was like, mother, mother. Mother, mother. It was like, mother, stop writing to me. Everything's fine. I'm hungry. I'm tired.

I'm poor. Everything's fine. Dad, help me. That's one person I would really like to see have a song. Ashley. Couches on the patio. Jets that's next county over. Send a private plane for me.

My friends are being mean to me. Help me. Help me. That is from Princesses Long Island for those confused little rascals out there. Yes. Watch what crap in this world. Just because a show dies doesn't mean it's dead with us. It lives on for many years afterwards.

Yeah. Just ask that guy, girls. Guy, girls. So, okay. So let's talk about, why don't we talk about, can we talk about Game of Crowns? Why don't we start with that? Because. Okay.

Well, no one's watching that show. Yeah, you know, I looked at the ratings. It's only pulling in like half a million, and it's ridiculous. Why aren't people watching the show? It is so, so, so funny. You guys, that show is so funny. I'm horrified by it. I think those are some of the worst people on TV.

Yeah. God, they're really awful women. Yeah. But it's still fun. Yeah, it's really fun. Let me get to my notes. Look at all these notes I took. Can you hear? I can hear. They're ruffling.

I did take some notes this week. Let me see. Please tell me I took some David Crowns. Here's what I wrote in my notes. Fashion show. Bella is a top high fashion New York model. Oh, that's an old one. That's last week yeah okay real housewives new jersey can't afford a car um that must be new jersey yeah because you

know they don't this is like csi csi oh i guess i didn't write any notes on game of crowns i think i was probably just too enthralled to write. Well, okay. So if I remember correctly, the show more or less like in the beginning, let's see, Lynn and Vanessa had a confrontation because... Stop calling her Vanessa. Her name is Vanessa. Sorry, Vanessa. They had a confrontation, a chilly confrontation because if I remember... Oh, so the issue now is that when Leha and Lynn met and and Leeha asked basically, like, why are you making up these lies about me?

Lynn's like, well, just so you know, the other girls called you a 40-footer and mannish and a transvestite. So then Lynn was really upset. I'm sorry. The NASA was really upset at Lynn for saying these things. So they meet like they're like an FBI agent and an informant on a park bench by the by the water it was like the worst like they can't get clearance to film anywhere everybody already knows they're horrible they're like can we just go to the denny's they're like no denny's is too classy for your conversation go to the beach yeah so they're at some like some random corner of Mystic, Connecticut. And they start having this fight.

And, you know, Vanessa's like, Lynn, I just want to know, why is it that whenever there's an issue, you're always the first one to throw me under the bus? Basically stuff like that. And Lynn somehow starts to act like the victim. And I think that Vanessa was like, you always do this. You always act like the victim, Lynn.

And Lynn says, I don't always do this, but you guys always come after me. And I'm the one who's really hurt in this situation, which cracked me up. Yeah, Lynn is a huge victim. And she's so wrong. You know you're on TV saying all that stuff. Why don't you just admit to it and be done with it? Yeah. Oh, you know what?

Actually, I'm sorry. The episode really started at the end of this like uh pageant brawl not really brawl but it was a pageant situation where um vanessa was yelling at the gay stylists um for giving that paisley jumpsuit to her and to suzanne oh yeah she's like pageant real pageant girls won't be coming back to you because you have betrayed the first rule of pageantry and that is giving the same dress to two people. What's her stupid face?

What's the dumb one's name? Oh, Lori. Which one? The one with the daughter. Oh, Susanna. She's like, oh, I was in the accident. I told you it was an honest accident. I'm like, it wasn't an accident. You called her and told her you were going to be wearing the exact same dress, you stupid.

Like, these women don't even know how to lie. That's what makes me crazy. I will say this, though. I mean, I don't think it was an incident worth yelling about or an incident worth even having drama about. But as a stylist, that guy did fuck up, like, for sure. He did. But, I mean, look, he he's gotta offload that hideous crap somewhere yeah and the only people who are gonna wear it are those morons so who can blame

him you know the guy's got a business those bitches don't know what it's like to work for a living i'm siding with the working queen yeah yeah and you know you know his budget he's only going to like tj he's like a tj tj max and he's still with those fashions yeah he totally is this is not like i really had my bets down on the mrs roper collection and it didn't work out for me and i'd really appreciate the support just getting this out of my warehouse it's like i have a hold at marshall's so can we speed this along um so you know who we never talk about on this show but who is like the most amazing one who is the younger one who's like like i don't know if she's lazy i don't know if one of her lids is really heavy like i don't know what she looks like maybe she got punched like maybe one side of her face got run over

like a janky lisa kudrow or something like that yes she's like lisa kudrow on sleeping pills or something but i really like her um i love her spunk and her attitude, and I love that she's always ready to kick someone's ass, and she's like, well, I don't care what they think about me. Those ladies, who cares? They're telling me I gotta be more jiggly? I ain't gonna be more jiggly. They're Botoxing themselves to try and look like me. Yeah, that's

right. And she's like lifting weights and throwing weights across. I'm like, damn. And she's got a cute husband, too. Oh, yeah, her husband's hot. Yeah. Well, she's kind of funny, because I'm like, damn! And she's got a cute husband, too. Oh yeah, her husband's hot. She's kind of funny, because I'm like, there's no reason for her to be on this show. Maybe because they wanted a young one. But she just sort of stands there. I mean, she got into it a little bit,

because later on she got into it with Vanessa. But basically, the thrust of this episode was that Shelley, is that her name, Shelley, the Mrs. America, the one who's sort of waspy. She invited everyone to her Newport, Rhode Island house for the weekend to sort of calm things down or whatever. And by the way, I have to say,

one of our listeners who on Twitter goes by XTheCrusherX, he, I don't know. That's just like the butchest name to be following us. who on Twitter goes by XTheCrusherX. He, um... He... I don't know. That's just like the butchest name to be following us. Like, if I looked under who TheCrusherX is following, I would not expect it to be a Real Housewives show. But, hey, you go.

You break those stereotypes, XCrusher. Yeah. XTheCrusherX. You're breaking that glass ceiling, boo. He tweeted this regarding Shelly taking him to her Newport home. She goes, he goes, it looks like these girls from Game of Crowns are spending the weekend at an assisted living facility. I mean, I think in the history of Bravo, like weekends away, this was probably the cheapest one we've ever seen.

It was like in a, maybe a townhouse. Just like a two-family home, basically. We're truly from furniture from my grandma, my dearly departed grandma Sally's assisted living facility. You know, like floral prints. Like, I mean, X to crush your X, you really did crush that observation. Yeah, that's a good call, X. Yeah.

So they go to Shelley's place, and they decide to go out onto a sailboat. They went on to look like an old pirate ship or something in New newport bay and while they're all there trying to be friends um liha gets a call from nick saying that lynn diamante had hired a private investigator to look into um to look into nick's past which on the one hand i think is good because someone has to look into nick's murderous past because he clearly was like killed like 10 people probably with his rage but um on the one hand i think is good because someone has to look into nick's murderous past because he clearly was like killed like 10 people probably with his rage but um on the other hand it's also really fucked up because there's realistically she shouldn't have hired him i mean is that against the law to hire a pi to follow somebody no i mean shit maybe i would do

it i feel like it's against pageant law like same with jumpsuits. Maybe that's what she was trying to get to the bottom of. Maybe he's the one supplying these jumpsuits. Yeah. He's got some boxes falling off the back of a truck of terrible patterns. Yeah. He's infesting the city with them. Lynn's hired a Paisley PI. That Lynn is just one crazy bitch.

I don't even know why she would do that. What does she think she's going to find? I don't even want to make fun of him because i feel like he'll find us on facebook and murder us in real life i know i know exactly which would of course prove our point yeah but who cares they're like oh before he died ronnie made a good point about somebody on a show that was canceled already yeah who cares okay well he may not be murderous but he definitely has a murderous rage. That's for sure.

Yeah, he would order somebody to kill us. Yeah. Or he would just arrest us. He would trump up charges. He would plant it. I bet he would plant evidence and then send us to jail. Oh, gosh.

Like empty boxes of terrible cash. Is this all libelous right now? Are we going to get sued? Sorry, Nick. No, I'm trying to be nice. I'm the one being bad. Well, but I will say, though, I am going to defend Nick, though, because as crazy as he was that episode where he was screaming at the women, the one thing he did not do was he did not say to Lynn Diamante, hey, I'm going to kill you.

And that's what this is all based off of. Yes, and they never got to that, of they never got to the lynn lynn never lynn just avoids everything she never mentioned you know yes that guy did say he was gonna kill me like this week she wouldn't even say that and what was the other thing well the thing is she wouldn't cop to anything this week she's just like but i have a tea party room well the thing is also that i think when vanessa tried to try to approach this topic at mystic on by the water she uh lindsay like stands up goes no like my lawyers are involved and she like runs off it was like so random i mean this is honestly the funniest show ever

we're not doing it justice at least i'm not um well it's i didn't take any notes on it because i just mostly sit there slack-jawed. So her abusive husband allegedly, possibly, maybe rage-addicted abusive husband called. And he's like, yeah, she's got a private dick and get off that boat. And she's like, when am I supposed to jump off the boat right now?

He's like, jump! Jump off the boat or I'll beat you! And she's like, I don't want to jump. And they're like, why does she want to jump? And nobody knows what's going on. The best part is that during all this, Lynn has decided to make the announcement. She's like, well, I just want everyone to know that Susanna and I, we applied to the delegation of Miss America United States. And we finally heard back. And I'm Miss.

I'm Mrs. Massachusetts United States. And Susanna is Mrs. Connecticut United States and we finally heard back and I'm Mrs. Massachusetts United States and Susanna is Mrs. Connecticut United States. What does that mean? It's like she basically wrote in for her title but no one was responding because Leah just got this phone call and Lynn's like, I can't even believe

that these girls can't be happy for me about winning this award. But did you win it? She wrote in for us so she could be a quote-unquote delegate. So you didn't win anything. You just wrote a letter and they sent you something in the mail. Like, I got shit from eBay. Well, it's a process.

Let's have a party. Stupid. It was honestly amazing. What kind of contest do you just write in for that? And they're like, oh, hey, Ronnie, congratulations on that Emmy for a show you never wrote. Right. Thanks for writing us a letter to the Writers Guild. We accepted it.

Well, that's what makes this so funny is that Lynn is so self-important. I mean, they all are, but Lynn is probably the most self-important. Because then when they get back on dry land, they start talking about her upcoming wedding vow renewals and how there's going to be a butterfly release. And she's like, yeah, the butterfly release is just really important, important you know because it's just like butterflies meant a lot to my dad and they're so good for the environment too and just they're really beautiful so it's like it really means a lot yeah but what was her thing about the butterfly release there was something else wasn't there she said that it was good for the environment and that her dad liked butterflies for the environment and also also, I'm watching.

I just happened to watch an episode of The Bridge. One of the most depressing shows on TV, by the way. For any of you who watch scripted things. It's so sad. But they found some dead kid in a butterfly shack. I'm like, oh, this is where they grew the butterflies. And then I watched Game of Thrones. And she's like, we're going to release the butterflies.

And I'm like, kill her. I think she said, it's a very big deal to us. They're very symbolic to our lives, and they're great for the environment. Whatever, bitch. You're like a little hairy-ass little caterpillar that got wrapped up and then got squashed before it could come out. I hope you noticed, by the way, I hope you noticed that her nip was blurred out in her interviews because it started to sneak out of her jacket. Did you see that? God, those boobs are ridiculous.

And she wears jackets that cover the nipples and then leave it open at the stomach again. It's the worst. It's like a beef jerky with marbles in the package. It's beef jerky and marbles. So Vanessa and Lynn are trying to hash out their issues and that's when lorianne gets involved lorianne's like let her talk and vanessa's like vanessa's like says like you be quiet and lorianne's like don't talk to me that way and vanessa's like i just did i just did i just did that's like her favorite line you know, like, hey, you can't order a hamburger.

I just did. You can't put on socks. I just did. I love that Vanessa, I mean, yeah, Vanessa fights with everything with that mom voice. Here's how I feel about it. I don't like the way that you blah, blah, blah. And her fingers, always like straight up like

she's making some kind of point i know like bitch you are not making a point you are still talking about a jumpsuit i wish actually i wish vanessa weren't from the pageant world because when she's not being pageanty and she's just being being shady and cracking jokes, she's really funny. She cracks some really mean jokes at the other women's sake. And it's like, they're funny. But then she gets into her pageant thing and then she gets all high and mighty and then she becomes just as awful as the rest of them. Well, she's probably coming on this show, so maybe we'll just get her to be a bitch about everybody else on Broadway. Yes, yes.

We can send her a list of stuff she has to watch and just keep her on. I hope so. I really, really hope so so that would be awesome um so anyway so shelly get gave um vanessa and lynn like tons of tequila and they got drunk and they actually made amends which is by the way the first time that's ever happened on bravo normally you give them booze and they start to fight so um that was nice but then what happened the big thing was that the next day, there's been this ongoing scheduling issue between Vanessa and Lynn because Vanessa has a breast cancer walk on a certain day, and Lynn scheduled her wedding vow renewals on the same day.

And Vanessa asked Shelly to be part of it, and then Lynn asked Shelly to read a poem at the wedding. Only because she knows it means that she won't be able to do both things and she'll have to choose friends. Exactly. And then Lynn has been layering in this wedding vow thing. Okay, Lynn, in your stupid wedding vows. Okay, listen to what Lynn says.

She says, well, you know, me and my husband never really got a good wedding. We just kind of had a shotgun wedding. And then every year we go back to Las Vegas for our anniversary and we have another wedding just to kind of joke about it. We go to the Elvis Chapel to get another wedding. And this year we're going to do it right and have a real wedding. No, no, no. It's even worse than that. She goes, you know, like three weeks before my wedding, my father died.

So basically every wedding, my father died. So basically every wedding has been a funeral. And every year when we do the vows, I'm always trying to get away from it. Which, by the way, if you're trying to get away from it, don't have a wedding vow renewal every year. But this year, I feel like I'm going to really embrace it and let go of a lot

of it. So it's really important that Shelley comes. It's like the most... It's truly bullshit. It's no disrespect to her dead father. But it's like important that shelly comes it's like the most then it's truly bullshit like it's it's no disrespect to her dead father but it's like she's well he did create her how much respect does he deserve by the way ronnie how proud were you when she said that she wanted her vows to be a nod to her lebanese heritage oh god i was like well we're not immune i actually said that aloud when i watched i was like well where, well, we're assholes, too. It's like no race is safe on Bravo, really.

Nope. So anyway, so it turns out that Vanessa's walk is going to conflict with the wedding. Surprise, surprise. And so since Shelly had already said she'd be part of Vanessa's walk, she tells Lynn, she's like, listen, I'm really, really, really sorry, but unfortunately I'm not able to read the poem. And then Lynn starts to freak out. She's like, but the butterflies, we've already ordered the, we've gotten

the box, we've got the cage, it's the butterflies. Now we have to call the mayor. We have to send notices out. We have to change everything. We have to tell the butterfly wrangler. The local dinner theater was going to do a number from the music man. It's going to have to send notices out. Like, we have to change everything. We have to tell the butterfly wrangler. The local dinner theater was going to do a number from the music man. It's all going to have to change. It's all going to have to change.

I have to call the barber. He was making little wigs that look like your hair to put on all the butterflies. Dillard's was donating us wooden hangers to take care of all the dresses we're renting. And now we can't have them. Subway. I have to go to Subway because they were going to make a sub that was going to be called the Shelly. And when you ate it, butterflies would come out. Our ice cream wedding cake from Baskin Robbins is going to have freezer burn now.

I have to return ten Lean Cuisine boxes now. Because I had set them aside for a special meal for you and your family. What a dumb hoe. Yeah, so whatever. So then they got in another fight and it ended pretty much with Lynn just fake crying, right? No, I think that... Oh yeah, Lynn started fake crying

then her friends consoled her as if her dad had died all over again just that afternoon. You know, Lynn's probably that person if her dad had died all over again just that afternoon. You know, Lynn's probably that person when her dad died took all the attention. Yeah. She was probably at the funeral like, AHHHHH!

People were probably trying to give a speech. They'd be like, oh, Lou, yeah, Lou was great at cards. Every week, Lou would come and he'd win and she'd be like, I love cards! And she's the type that will then hold on to that, being like, to this day, I can never walk by a card shop without thinking of my dad. And that goes for both greeting cards and playing cards. And the Cardinals.

Baseball and other sports. Little League, if there's a Little League team called Cardinals, I can't watch it. God, I wish they would stop printing voting certificates on cardstock because every time I go to vote, I just start crying! I can't even ask for directions because people always give me directions using Cardinal directions. At the end of a meal, I can't even check off whether I enjoyed the meal

or not because the questionnaires are printed on cardstock! I once had to cancel an entire trip because it was going to Cardiff and I couldn't go. I don't know. I can't think of any other card things. Cardoza?

I think that's... Mr. Cardoza was a teacher of mine in high school, I think. Like, I can't go to Ben's High School because there's someone there named Mr. Cardoza. That's so stupid. Are they going to let the rest of it air? We're halfway through. They just had episode

five and they've got ten episodes I know, but I don't know if they're even going to let that shit air. I'm really hoping. I'm actually imploring people to tune in. If you're listening to this podcast and you are not watching Game of Crowns, watch it. And if you watch it and you think it's boring, I am going to I'm going to play this card. No offense, Lynn.

I'm gonna play this card and say you're just not getting it. Give it another shot because you're just not getting it. You are not bright enough. It just it's you're not getting it. The point is this. Look at it as like a real life christopher guest movie it is just the way these people are so um self-righteous about such a marginal thing in the world and how catty they are and the vicious rumors they make about each other

i mean it's just every episode leaves me cracking and everyone i showed the show to dies laughing so while we're talking about shows that we watch but no one else watches let's talk about shows that everyone else watches that we don't watch yeah um this week on our page people are going crazy and apparently really liking this jersey bell show did you watch it no i was like it's another one of these bravo shows that follows a girl out you know whatever but yeah i saw that too everyone ugh, it's another one of these Bravo shows that follows a girl out, you know, whatever. But, yeah, I saw that, too. Everyone said, oh, it's really good. So maybe I'll tune in next week. Yeah, I guess we're going to have to because you guys like it.

And we listen, all right? We listen. Have you heard of Maya Angelou? Maya Angelou joke lately? No. All right, we listen. And so we'll watch that. And also people are really loving The Real Housewives of Amal Balan.

Oh, yeah. I watched the first episode today, which by the way coincidentally my favorite part was the preview for the season when one of them is like you know what yeah you're a deck of cards you're gonna crumble down because i'm doing an irish accent i don't know why but i'm gonna do it because my australia i meant to go australian i came out Irish. Take your cards. You know what you are. I can't tell you. Yeah, so I guess I'll watch that,

but only on the condition that there are no more Housewives shows coming on right now. I mean, is it just going to be Orange County and Jersey, or is there a third? Because if there's a third, I can't. That's it, but we have Below Deck coming out next week. I don't know if a Jersey Bell is going to fit in. Honestly, I don't know. it but we have below deck coming up next week i don't know if that jersey bell is gonna fit in honestly i don't know unless maybe we'll start up like this well you know maybe we could just do a one-off or something yeah you know what if people want to we have to we're going

to come up with a donation scheme if people want to donate to us we'll do a second episode with jersey bell and and because don't don't forget that um last time we had below deck we still had matt on the podcast and you guys would just talk about that. I didn't watch that show. We'll see what we have to do, because there are too many shows for us to do really in one episode now. And honestly, these Housewife shows are really just the same thing. Why didn't you come to my party?

Oh, your party? I heard your party sucked. Oh, but my party is so fun. Who told you it sucked? Everyone said it sucked. No one said it sucked. My party was awesome. I had a turtle farmer. Oh, your party? yeah, your party. I'm gonna have a party that show everybody how much your party sucked. No one's gonna go to your party. No one's gonna go to your party. Yeah.

Bah! Yeah. Every fucking show. Exactly. And we have to watch, I mean, this is like hours that we have to watch, and it's like, you know, I know everyone else watches hours of it too, but, you know, it's like, it's really hard. I love this stuff stuff but it's hard that's why i'm like we need to set up a donation situation harder lately because now they don't

use they used to have two housewives show on a time and then other shows but now it's like three housewives shows at a time it's been three at a time now for a long time right or is that in my head and then now they've also got a wedding spinoff going at the same time it's all the house so it's like housewives plus another housewives spinoff and i don't know i need some cooking or something mixed in with all of this well top chef duels is coming up but that has no appeal to me you know because i think the whole like cooking duel genre is played out like we have chopped we have iron chef yeah too late too lateped, we have Iron Chef. Too late, Magical Elves. We have Kitchen Sabotage.

Sabotage, whatever. That show's so stupid. Who's gonna cook with a fishing hook? I do not want to eat that. And that's why the judges on those shows look so miserable. They're eating monkey asshole and mayonnaise. That's gross.

Who wants to eat that? Your ingredients today are cat poop uh discarded skin from a circumcised baby and mustard yeah like oh i really love what you did with that circumcision skin delicious crispy salty oh disgusting i'm not watching that yeah i don't understand what the appeal of top ship jewels is i don't know why we're expected to tune in, like why we're supposed to care. Oh, look, there's Tiffany from season one. She's back for the fifth time to cook against Marcel. Ooh, wow.

It's Marcel. Wow. And then someone's going to taste it, and then someone's going to win, and we don't care. I like my cooking shows to be serialized or to be chopped. I'd like bravo contestants to get jobs how about that how about everybody who goes on top chef leaves top chef and instead of getting an agent you get a fucking job all right because i'm sick of seeing you on like spaghettio commercials or whatever the shit you guys are doing or when they're like oh look

it's me from season two to do some web thing on bravo no i'm not watching your stupid web thing on bravo you made like a Cheeto pie in season two. I'm not watching you. Get a job. I'm not going to come down on the Bravo chefs from Top Chef because as opposed to all the other Bravo reality stars, there are people who actually have skills and are doing something with their

lives and who could also potentially feed me. But those aren't generally the ones who are coming back. The ones who are coming back are like Marcel. Yeah, but Marcel still works too. He works. He's like in kitchens. He's legit. Anyway, let's talk about Real Housewives of New Jersey. Speaking of speaking of legit. Speaking of agreeing

to disagree. Yeah. Speaking of legitimate business practices. So last week we were taking Jim's side. This is Amber's husband, Jim. oh my how things change yeah because we because he said like he doesn't want to associate with joe judice because he was in mortgages and that's not someone he wants to you know associate with which by the way i still think

is legit but he made himself sound like he was mr upstanding citizen but the truth is he too has apparently been in all sorts of nefarious okay well the the good stuff about this and thank you for everybody for posting this to our facebook page because that is how i know about all of this it's all that's why if you are not a fan of the facebook page you should be one and it can be in the loop yeah um because i honestly hadn't heard all this but okay so. So he is a rat, first of all. He ratted out a company he was working for for this huge scheme that they had pulled off. And he gets everybody arrested. And then they realized he was the one who made the whole scheme up in the first place.

So when he felt like they were going to get caught on his own criminal plan, allegedly, he turned on everybody else and got them thrown in jail. So that's the kind of classy bitch this guy is. He's not only a criminal, he gets other people involved and then rats them out so he doesn't have to go to prison for his own crime. That's the lowest, that's pretty much the lowest of the low. I don't know. They're all low because the thing is it goes back to Survivor Season

1 about the rats and the snakes. That's what we're dealing with. Okay, so Jim is a rat. My God, we're going to quote Sue. Please quote Sue. Well, it's honestly one of the greatest speeches in the history of the show. You're a rat and you're a snake. And a snake and a rat are different. Because rats...

What was her thing? I love that. It was like, if I saw you on the side of the road asking for a drink of a glass of water for your dying breath, I wouldn't give it to you. You know, something nice can sue the truck driver just be on every housewives show that's what every show means she should be well

so but anyway the point is this so jim is a rat yes he's and he's smarmy he's a smarmy little rat okay for sure but then you got joe and joe but especially joe who is like a thug, gorilla, like doofus, um, asshole, you know, who is now benefiting from, he's getting this edit of this like saintly edit when he's defrauded people. It's like, I'm so sick of, of these people who were like, like, how could, how could Jim talk about, how could Jim talk about Joe? Like, how could he kick a man when he's down, kick a man when he's down? Like, no, he is not down because um the system worked against him he is down because he tried to work the system and he put many many many other people down other people are down because of him he is not down i'm sorry well you know look there's

jersey code right and you know you have to think about it from where they're coming from really anybody on this show and i'm not saying anybody in Jersey because I don't know. Everything I know from Jersey is like when I lived in New York, they had an Ikea there. So I went there for that. There's an airport I went to. It smelled kind of funny. There's a Roy Rogers on the turnpike. And that's pretty, yeah, that's pretty much all I know except for this show.

But according to this show, basically anybody could be going to prison at any given moment. Nobody's honest. Nobody has a real fucking business. And they all like to wear turtlenecks. Part of living the dream is not getting caught. And so when you do get caught, everybody gives you respect because it could have been them. And I think that they're

smart enough to say, at least it was enough this time. Let's all pretend to feel bad for Joe and take his family some lasagna so when my husband goes to prison, maybe I'll get some chicken pot pie. You know, Ronnie, you're a very smart man. You know, I'm safe. That is such, that really is exactly what it is. But you know

what, guess what, I'm not in Jersey, so he has to play by, like, pansy California like, morals, okay? And the pansy California morals say you're an asshole, Joe, you guys, you gamed the system system you defrauded people you sold millions of dollars and i'm not going to feel bad about you because you're going to jail and leaving your four i'm actually alone yeah i'm actually excited that joe might be going

to jail because the prison system in america works really hard to add education into it and i really hope that joe just like goes to an english class and like maybe reads To Kill a Mockingbird or some shit I don't know but like learns the language guys this is a chance to start over in America alright if your life sucks go murder somebody and get an education in jail guys you're welcome

the more you know exactly maybe that's where Jim got his law degree laughing laughing you know who needs to go to jail Maybe that's where Jim got his law degree. And you know who needs to go to jail, needs to go to, like, kiddie jail, is Melania, because she is so vile. She's the best. She's like, fuck you! It's like the best slash vile, you know what I'm saying?

Like, best to watch vile slash as a child. I want the sandwich! And she's like, shove it back up your cunt! That cold, dark place I started life in, dumb bitch i know it's like marinara sauce at the new black but you know uh actually it's actually really not melania's fault teresa i mean you see the way she talks and teresa's like melania i can't hear you you're so loud melania you're so loud i mean if melania spoke like that to my dad oh my goodness you have a yeah but that's that whole family could you imagine when the cameras aren't there You're so loud, Melania. You're so loud. I mean, if Melania spoke like that to my dad, oh, my goodness. You have a very well-proportioned... Yeah, but that's a whole family.

Could you imagine when the cameras aren't there? I know... You know when the cameras are there, Teresa's like, Look, I'm cooking the kids something. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. But when the cameras aren't there, she's like, Melania, kids, tell what you're doing, man. You know they just yell.

Everybody yells throughout that whole house. Except for that one silent one. The pretty one who's like... The pretty one who wears sports gear all the time. Yeah, the pretty one who's planning an escape to baseball camp the second she can get out of the house. She's like, I'm saving my allowance, you motherfuckers. I'm getting out of here. Yeah, exactly. A league of my own.

So anyway, let's get into the meat of the episode. Which is that, you know, Amber had said last week, had told Melissa that she'd heard that Teresa, I think it was Teresa, I can't keep them straight, one of the twins, had broken up a family. And then of course Melissa goes, and as we said last week, Melissa goes and tells the twins that Amber says this. And Melissa, of course, this is classic Melissa playing Miss Innocent and being like, well, they're just going to hash it out. I thought they would just have a conversation. Fast forward to the first responder party that was being held at the Twins' house, where everyone

comes dressed as a first responder. A first responder party, especially when you live in that area of the country, generally means 9-11, right? I mean, look, I know other fires happen, and there have been other things, but the only thing I think about when I hear a first responder is 9-11, right? I mean, look, I know other fires happen. There have been other things, but the only thing I think about when I hear a first responder is 9-11. That's all I can think

about. I'm with Rosie. I think snipers. I think, hey, you need me there. You need me there because you know what? If the terrorist comes out, I'm there to punch him in the face. I'm like, you know, that's not what a sniper does. A sniper actually shoots from afar. But that's good, Rosie. I wrote that too. Rosie doesn't know what Rosie. I wrote that, too.

I wrote, Rosie doesn't know what a sniper is. Like, yeah, yeah, I'm a first responder. I'll be on top of a building. And then if the terrorist is there, I'll be like, boom! That's not what a sniper is. No, you're going to be swatting the air, and he'll be 500 feet away from you. And you'll realize that you had one eye closed, and your depth perception is all wrong. Rosie will be like, hey, you got a sister? Because I like them with the

face covered. Send her over. So, anyway, so, you know, the twins are all mad. They're all, I'm going to see if I can do the twin voice because I was, like, doing it before but now you know whenever the podcast comes on my accents always come off all strange they're like I can't

believe that I can't believe that she would Amber would say those things about me she's not even sorry about it oh my god that twin I had to rewind it five times I don't know why suddenly I found her voice so funny but it's so funny because it's so, so Jersey-ish. And I like that she's like, all right, here's the plan, all right?

I'm going to go to that girl and I'm going to make her apologize for everything she said about me in front of everyone. I want everyone to hear it. Yeah. And then Amber walks in and she's like, hello, hello.

How are you? Good party. Good first sponsor party. And then the other one's like, hello. Hello. How are you? Good party. Good first sponsor party. And then the other one's like, I have things. I have too many things to say to you right now. I can't talk about it right now. I love that she doesn't even tell her. She's like, I'll look at you.

I don't have anything to say to you. Yeah, you have to say something to my sister. Maybe you should clear it up with my sister. Sister, look at her. Yeah, sister. And there's both of those voices. You have to say yes sir. And then Amber's like, you two let's go.

And then they immediately start hair pulling and punching. Oh jeez. And then meanwhile Melissa's like I thought it'd just be a conversation. But those women, like that's what I said at the beginning of the season. All these new women are like Jerry Springer women who like they're bad girls

you know on the bad girls club they're like get some poor ass ghetto bitches on here and basically if they want to stay the show they dike out on each other and then beat each other up like they're in prison and then that's all they do they're like who burnt the toast ah fuck you it's more exciting than

so stupid more exciting than anything that happened last season, though. That's for sure. I guess. I think the best part was before any of this even happened. And one of the twins was telling all the guests about Amber. She's like, this is what happened to me. And I'm going to get Amber. She's going to apologize publicly.

Rosie's like, all right, here's what you need to do. All right. You need to tell her when she comes in. Like, look, you know, we's got a problems all right and then you know when she says something back to you then you gotta say yeah but this is what i'm saying you know what i'm saying like thanks rosie yeah thanks for all of that um life wisdom you're bringing to the party why don't you go back to your mom's basement and finish that fucking blanket? You've been knitting. Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, I'm not sure if someone who's been embroiled in a three-year-long family feud is entitled to talk about conflict resolution. And then you talk to hers, and then hers is going to talk to you. Oh, thanks. It's the sniper way. It's the snipe away so then um then i love how after the fight uh when uh amber gets all the hair pulled out of her head which is classic danielle stob um then when they're like this amber starts getting really nasty she's like she's like that's why he won't marry you that's why he won't marry you okay that's why because you're a monster but then then the guys get into it

because then jim jim starts calling out theresa's boyfriend for putting him in the spot, which he's sort of right to do that for. And then it's a whole thing. And next thing you know, he's going up to Joe Gorga, which is, I can't believe he did this. And he was like, he's like, I work with the same DA that's prosecuting your brother-in-law, you dumb fuck. Oh, my God. I was like, this guy didn't get beat in the face. You know that, right? Yeah, it's not true. The DA has made a public statement that they don't know who this fucker

is, except that he's a criminal. Yeah. My notes on this show, I wrote so much, which means I was really actually enjoying it. But, um... They tried to set Dina up with a guy who is I don't know, he was relatively handsome. Handsome compared to the other mooks there, but... Considering he's like a spray they tried to set you up with a guy who is uh i don't know he was relatively handsome handsome

compared to the other mooks there but considering he's like a spray tan and waxed or threaded eyebrows who does that straight guy stop it stop doing it it's definitely it's definitely jersey metro you know um theresa's temper don't react family photos i've written three unpublished books oh yeah nothing about the cats how i feel about bobby bobby at duncan donut scrubs not subtle rosie sniper first responder crack his neck theresa first response joe's a detective party people dina's flirt theresa didn't know what a um a SWAT team was she thought it was a squat team. She's so stupid. These are all just the biggest idiots.

Is Amber being played by Maya Rudolph? Doesn't she look just like a Maya Rudolph character? I want to know how many jars of blush she goes through

in an afternoon. I mean, the amount of shit on her cheeks is out of control. Yeah, I don't know if she's,

I don't know. She looks like she's been punched on both sides of the face i thought it was cute when their kid was directing the little commercial though i like that academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industries my holla herald a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes

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by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the

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or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Oh, yeah. I liked it, too. I liked that he was in, like, a little vest. He's, like, a little sweater vest and a black nuts shirt. I actually liked Jim at that moment. I liked Jim telling his son, like, yeah, you got to, like, speak up, you know.

I was like, it's sort of like, I don't know. I kind of feel like they have big plans for their kids like speak up you know i was like it's sort of like i don't know i kind of feel like they are they have big plans for their kids future you know which is i think why i sort of like jim and amber a little bit because i as because look everyone on the show is at a base level of like awful right and crappiness but with these two i feel like they actually have plans and aspirations for their kids that would be beyond Blackwater. You're very nice, but they're trash. I'm not saying they're not trash.

I'm just saying I think they actually see a future for their kids as opposed to the others say they see a future, but I mean, really, what are Gia and Melania going to be? They're going to go to community college, which is no offense to community college, but they're just going to be hanging around home. Well, here's how I think of the whole cast of new jersey okay um i have a mutt a mixed dog right and

my friend who i love one of my best friends has a little beautiful french pit bull my dog healthy as a horse her dog broken hips could probably be dead any second now can't breathe i read an article the other day that those dogs are so inbred that they're stupid they're falling apart they die young yeah and you know that's how i feel when i watch a real house of new jersey i'm like i get that your culture is brought up to keep it in the family and to you know keep your bloodline clean italian I get it. You don't really see a lot of mixing going on there. Italians, it's time to mix. You need to bring some smarter genes in

or you're going to be like a bulldog. You guys can barely breathe as it is. Look at Joe. It's like a perfect parallel. Come on, guys. Get it together. Stop with the inbreeding. Start fucking some black people.

Let's get some stronger bones here. Come guys oh gosh um okay so uh why don't we move i don't care bring any other race into it but you guys need to change it up gross why don't we move to um orange county okay so i don't have a bulldog story about them but whatever it's okay it's okay they went to Bali So let's see what happened this episode This was like Lizzie's starting to show some signs of life By stirring the pot a little bit In her sort of like sad way Lizzie I'm done

I can't with her She needs to get fired It really bothered me It really bothered me you know oh my god i love that they showed that clip though of all that scene of all that footage we didn't see in the limo on the way to her party in la which is you know probably 45 minutes to an hour away at least and she stuck everyone stuck with her miserable in the limo having a fit and her husband tries to comfort her and she's like yeah maybe you can try getting a

hard-on more than once a week jerk my husband doesn't throw me a decent party next year i'm leaving him yeah that was pretty good it's pretty evil like they keep they keep they did that a lot this episode where they sort of like oh by the way here's something we didn't show you here's something someone something evil that we didn't tell you about and like you know i have to say i you know when i think we're all sharing their sides of the story as much as i think tamra is the worst and evil i understand i feel like tamra was exonerated i thought i think tam think Tamara was okay. Meaning that her actions... Lizzie made it sound like, okay, so Tamara didn't call and then Tamara, then the next day

was making fun of her. When in fact, Tamara, well, she didn't call because Tamara thought she was going to go. And then on top of that, she and Tamara were already talking and joking. And so you can't be mad at her then the next day if you're already having funny text interactions. And then when Tamara called her on on it lizzie's like well you know what

it's not really about the text it's just that you know you're just like rude shut up lizzie yeah lizzie's obviously she obviously got caught being a big liar pants too just like the rest of them i mean tamra look if you're not gonna go all she was saying was she was sitting alone in the car on her birthday waiting for people, and it was an hour later, and you hadn't even called. Yeah, which is wrong. That's not cool. But then when she was like,

but we were texting back and forth and joking that you were showing your vagina and stuff, and then she's trying to make that a big deal. That's really sad, because that's her and that poor, is it Danielle or whatever that girl's name is. They're just both their hangers on that didn't get fired soon enough. Like, I feel like New York had a good grasp. You remember when they had that awful girl on earlier this season?

Yeah. And the cast was like, bye, bitch. And basically axed her in one episode. Yeah. They have a better grasp because this should happen to both of those girls. They've got nothing to say. Their fights are stupid. Like, I just want a real fight.

I want these women to be like, I want them to have one fucking tea party where someone's like, all right, is Israel getting a raw deal or are they terrorists? Go. I want to see that fight. I can't tell if the most amazing thing ever

would be to hear the Orange County women weigh in on Israel or would that be the worst thing ever? Because it could go both ways. Well, the perfect thing is it's like a mixture of both, always, you know? But it's something else. Because China would be like,

Netanyahu? David? Netanyahu? She'd be like, David? Well, we have to side with the Jews because David's name is David. So, obviously. Star of David. Star of David. You know, a lot of this, if the terrorists, if those tunnels were just filled with some decent herbs, a lot of this depression and this rocket

launching, it could be solved in a second. They just need to send Dr. Moon over there. That's all they have to do. David. They need a few Dr. Moon thumbs up their butt, David. That's it. And the whole Middle East will be solved. David. David. We don't need to be building tunnels. We need to be building tunnels we need to be

building them gncs david right that'll solve everything david david oh well i did love i mean there was like there are a lot of like stupid shenanigans like vicky throwing up in the back seat of that car and like screaming on the other end it's like vicky we get it you're wacky and you're trying really hard stop it please exactly and they had like a dull dinner or whatever but basically oh i'm not eating this food right it's a moose it's a real moose like i like rocky and bullwinkle i'm not eating bullwinkle that was one of those stupidest things i'm like vicky we all know you know what moose is you're not being funny right now. And then, well, I loved how, so after the Lizzie fight, so then

Heather, Vicky, and Tamara decided to walk away, and then Tamara, Tamara was denying, what was it that she was denying? She's like, I never made fun of, I never made fun of her dress. I never made fun of her dress. And Heather's like, well, actually you did. You made fun

of her dress to me. And then Tamara gets all pissed. And then the rest of the episode, she's pissed at Heather.ather's like well actually you did you made fun of her dress to me and then tamra gets all pissed and then the rest of the episode she's pissed at heather she's like can you believe heather you know saying that i made fun of like she always tamra is such a wench you know classic deflection classic deflection let's just start an entire other war so people are watching that now it's wag the dog a little Yeah. But it was kind of it was really fun, though, to watch Shannon, Lizzie and Danielle talk about Tamara. That was really fun. Oh, yeah. Lizzie is ready to bring everybody down. And what's what I really like.

Not Lizzie. Shannon. Yeah. I say Lizzie. Shannon's ready to bring everybody down, which I really like that about her, because at this point in filming, I don't believe that the show had started even airing yet. So she doesn't know that she has the whole country on her side yet. She's just kind of assuming that she does. Yeah.

Well, cause she's self-possessed. Yeah. And she's also self-confident, you know, and she's like, knows that she's right. Yeah.

I mean, I think the bitch is crazy. Don't, don't get me wrong. Um, and as any housewife does, we'll stick up for her now and then she'll turn into be an utter horrible nightmare. She'll be terrible next season, but this season she's great.

Everyone loves her. Yeah, but it is funny watching her not give a shit. She'll go up against anybody who comes close. And even Vicky's like, I'm not fucking with her. Yeah. You've got to respect it because that's not easy but yeah so that she sits with down with uh dumb and dumber which i love that they showed that clip on the bus of vicky walking right up to the bus going oh god no one's here i gotta hang out with dumb and dumber as loud as she can having a fit about it i love that yeah and then she's like hi everyone i'm here uh but yeah so shannon has a

discussion with uh dumb and dumber and lizzie's like Well you need to be careful because she's not your friend And here's what she said about you And now we're going to get to watch it go kaboom I know by the way I love what One of our listeners on Facebook Edward Mitchum wrote he goes We now know that Bravo spent the entire vacation budget On Real Housewives of Orange County

Sorry Beverly Hills and Atlanta You'll be going to Dairy queen for ice cream this year so true oh um let me see here i'm looking oh yes what is that thing that aviva was saying about harper lee paula jones brought up uh i want to punch aviva for what she said about harper lee bitch get your straight. I just read an article about this, about how Harper Lee is to kill a mockingbird, which I guess I'm just going to say a hundred times in this podcast. Yeah. How Truman Capote supposedly

either heavily edited that or wrote it for her or whatever. And that was, I guess I was reading it because it was brought up on the reunion. I don't know, but I know a lot about that. I guess, are we going to talk about New York? Want to talk about New York? There wasn't much else to Orange County.

I guess there wasn't. Wait, hold on. Let me look at my OC notes. Oh, I did write down, I don't know if we've already talked about this, but for some reason it struck me that Tamara's opening line is I'm not getting older, I'm getting bolder. That's so weird. It also struck me this week, too. I was like, no, you're... I was like, no, you'm getting bolder. That's so weird. It also struck me this week, too. I was like, no, you're...

I was like, no, you're getting older. Me, too. I mean, if anything, you're getting boldly older. That's so funny. I had that same reaction this week. I was like, no, bitch, you're getting older. And you're not getting older. You're already really old. You're getting bolder. More boldly older. You're getting moldier.

You're getting moldier. I'm not getting older. I'm getting bolder. Boldly older. I'm not getting older. I'm getting older. Older. Vicky's accountant versus Heather's. Oh, oh. Heather is like super uninteresting

and her assistant girl that she hires is even less interesting. But Vicky is really interesting and she has that assistant who's like, oh, you're going to Bali? Yeah, I love that one. Her name should be Bev. I don't remember what it is.

I think it's actually Linda. She's like, oh, well, you know, they don't have the internet over there. Good luck getting the internet. Yeah, you're not going to be able to do your work. Do you know how many people have died in Bali on scooters lately? I'll be here sniffing the leather wallpaper. Okay, have fun. I think that they need to give the entertaining one to Heather

because Heather is unbearable. And I just want to see that old lady walking around Heather's house. Oh, you're building a new house? Oh, you better watch out with the balcony because kids fall off of those. That was making me laugh the other day. What else? They all had to wear crowns. Vicky Shrimp Moose.

Barfing Knot. Why everyone hates the US. Oh, the ladies on the bus. Jesus. Talk about stupid Americans. Where are we? This is long. This is gross. Everything's dirty. It's hot. I need food. It's for air conditioning.

The terrorists need to win. I know. Let's move on to New York. Yeah, I think that's it. Okay. So, New York. I mean, let's talk about Ramona and Luann, shall we? Sure.

Because this is the moment that Luann's been waiting basically seven years for, which was for Ramona to finally be the one accused of or having to talk and face rumors and allegations and basically facts of mario cheating on her because as the renan showed for like years and years and years ramona has always needled luann about the fact that her husband would cheat on her or would say things that luann's a cheater or they have an open marriage and luann would always shoot would hate it when Ramona would do that and so now that Luann had the chance to do it back to her karma's a bitch indeed yeah so we're all of these ladies um that was really fun did Ramona ever answer it because actually I was late to the podcast and

that was the last part of the reunion so I actually didn't get to see that part Ramona no what it was actually really this is like the first time ever that Andy kind of took a hard line on something. He was like – because he was asking her like basically softball questions about the situation. And she was like – she was totally stonewalling. In fact, he called her Stonewall Jackson. And she was like, all I have to say is that we have a beautiful daughter and we are happily married and we're staying married. And that's all I have to say about it. Next question.

OK. OK. OK. And like and then and then. But then but like Andy kept on kneeling. It's like, well, how have your friends been in the situation? I don't want to talk about it anymore, Andy. I don't want to talk about it.

It's like, yeah, but I'm just asking about your friends. I don't want to talk about it, Andy. Andy. OK. OK. I'm sorry. I'm not going to talk about it anymore, Andy. I don't want to talk about it. He's like, yeah, but I'm just asking about your friends. I don't want to talk about it, Andy. Andy, okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm not going to talk about it. I've got a beautiful daughter. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Andy. I'm kind of with Ramona

here. Like, fuck you, dude. You know, it's bad enough that you've built an entire empire off of women in pain yeah and it's to the point where basically these old bitches are coming on here and beating the crap out of each other and embarrassing women everywhere just so they can sell their fucking wine or whatever other cannoli kit or whatever bullshit product they've come up to try and keep up with their fucking house payments that they've only got to try and convince you that they're rich so you'll keep them on tv so

they can keep abusing people it's like the circle of abuse and you're the ringleader and so when he goes off on someone's real pain like that like i mean i'm not saying you shouldn't ask about it but fucking stop needling dude she said she's not going to talk about it let's not like she has to sit up there and grovel to you the whole time. You know, normally, yes, you're right. Normally, I would say that. But in the context of Ramona, where Ramona has taken such joy in needling others, I think it's time

she actually... Well, I think that if the other housewives kept doing it, then that's different. Because that's their thing. They're in a mud pit. But when Andy is like the leader of the mud pit, and he's getting into the mud because it's not as they're in a mud pit but when andy is like the leader of the mud pit and he's getting into the mud because it's not as muddy as he would like it to be it's like you're showing your true colors mary you need to just sit back down and keep announcing

what a commercial break is well he showed his job he showed his true colors in the pod buster thing when sonia was talking to him and he was just like on his cell phone ignoring her like yeah oh wow and she's like well you know you know my uh my fashions are doing very well in saint-tropez and my burlesque they want they want to see that in katmandu yeah so it's you know you know with i'm really blowing up andy and he's like yeah yeah yeah that's great that's great that was the best scene of the whole thing so far and she's like andy do you know about my my burlesque thing oh you know i mean more it was more of a skit maybe we should just call it a skit from now on. He's like, it was hilarious.

He's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, it was hilarious. He's like, did you see me on Saturday Night Live with the mango? Did you see me with the mango? And he's like, uh-huh. I was like, oh, it was so good, Andy. Everybody loved it. And Andy, this is new. They've actually brought me into NASA. I'm actually going to be going on a spaceship this week. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be great.

Uh-huh, yeah, it's great. They brought me into NASA because I'm actually a living be going on a spaceship this week. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be great. Yeah, it's great. They brought me into NASA because I'm actually a living black hole. Do you know how many 23-year-olds are missing since they've seen me, Andy? I've just sucked them out and spit them out the back end, Andy. You know, they actually used my toaster oven to communicate with different galaxies, yeah.

And they actually found a little raccoon astronaut and the two of us are going to go into space and we're going to meet up with a tree and a big, big muscle guy, and we're going to save the galaxy. Yeah. I'm going to make that guy from Parks and Rec lose a lot of weight to hang out with me, Andy. Yeah. And I'm surprised they haven't heard about it because there are commercials for it all over the TV about this. It's like everyone's talking about it.

Everyone wants to see us be the guardians of the galaxy because that's what we're doing. I'm going to have this homeless Irish girl that I know in Ireland to tweet about it for me. Oh, my God. No, that was the best. That was the best part. When she said that she had a girl in Ireland who knows about SEO who just lost her home tweeting for her. You realize, you know, like I'm sure you do too. I get a lot of spam emails. That's like SEO will improve your SEO. We knew how to do it. She clearly got one and was like,

Oh, I gotta get to the bottom of this. There was one time like 12 years ago, again, still sort of the early ages of like like, modern email, where I remember once, like, hanging out with my friend at my friend's pool, my friend Lauren. Lauren, hi, Lauren. I hope you're listening to this part. And Lauren's mom, well, actually it wasn't her, it was her stepmother. Ugh, I can't believe I said her mom. So her, Lauren's stepmother had a friend named, like, Moira or Myra or something like that.

She was, like, this lady who talked like this. And she got like one spam email that said something like, improve the size of your penis. And she goes, so I wrote an email to them and I said, don't you ever email me ever again. And I said, if you do, I'm calling

the Attorney General. I'm like, you know that's not how spam works, right? But that's what I can imagine Sonia doing, except the reverse. Being like, oh, an Irish SEO leader. How do I subscribe to this? How do I subscribe to more emails like this? Yeah. Yeah, well, that whole fight was hilarious because it was about how Sonia isn't nice enough to Luann.

And it makes Luann insecure about their friendship. Sonia isn't nice enough to Luann, and it makes Luann insecure about their friendship. And Luann's like, darling, when I was on the Home Shopping Network, I emailed all of you to tweet for me in support, and everybody did it but you. And she's like, well, sorry, but I don't read my emails. I have a girl in

Ireland who's homeless who knows SEO. I'm like, what? It's like the delusions and the stories are weirder and weirder and weirder. It actually made stupid Luann it's like that the delusions the stories are get weirder and weirder and weirder actually it actually made stupid luann what she was saying sound reasonable like yeah darling why didn't you tweet about my home shopping luann listen luann came out so on top i mean the way she's just going

after ramona in this like passive aggressive subtle way like no well you know it's just it's you know i'm not you know i'm just merely saying to ramona how like you know how you know how unpleasant it is to have someone cheat on you and rose like enough i don't want to talk about this anymore andy i don't want to talk about it oh my god another big thing we went over was ramona and the burke yeah she's like here are the places, okay? Here are the places. The Hamptons, New York City, Beverly Hills, and Aspen.

It's like, those are the places that you go to. Okay? Nowhere else. Okay? You don't go to Beverly Hills. Yeah, who does that? Yeah, go to the Bay. More relaxed.

Yeah, what about La Jolla? How about La Jolla? Have you thought about that, Ramona? Oh, my God. Love La Jolla. Yeah, what about Carmel? What about Marin County? Santa Barbara.

Yeah, Santa Barbara. Okay, Ramona. Those are the places. Yeah, those are the places. You've got to relax. I mean, if you want to go lick each other's asses, you go to the Hamptons. Fuck the Hamptons. You know who goes to Beverly Hills? You know what they have in the Hamptons? Stony Beaches. Who's asses, you go to the Hamptons. Fuck the Hamptons. You know who goes to Beverly Hills? You know what they have in the Hamptons? Stony beaches.

Who wants to be on the beach in the Hamptons? It's rocks. It's fucking rocks. Actually, you know what? Luann had one of the best things of the night when Ramona was talking about, like, the woods. And it brought back a lot of memories for me, okay? And then Luann's like, well, they've got woods in the Hamptons, too. Just a quiet little zing right there um by the way you know who goes to to beverly hills it's like reza and asa and the shazza sunset if you get my drift um and i was so excited that i walked into a shazza sunset shoot last week you would have known that if uh people if you were were fans of our facebook page because i took a picture of

their sign that said you're in a shoot for shazza sunset uh but i didn't stick around long enough i saw reza and i was like i gotta get out of here yeah i can barely watch them when they're on my tv i don't need them in real life i saw like i told you i passed mj on my scooter and she's wearing these like legging things like this really tight legging things that were neon and black in a pad in like a chevron pattern and i was like whoa yeah i mean you'd think in this after this long of being on tv somebody would have just said something to you like how many gay people do you know i mean come on i know that's just um also wait while we talk about aviva for a second um so book gate reared its ugly head this on this episode and aviva is just so awful carol actually explained her side in a very articulate way in a very smart

way she talked about like ghost writers and how you know it's industry standard ever but for her you know it's more of an affront because she's an actual writer she makes her livelihood that way um aviva still denied that she had a ghost writer and then did the whole it takes a village thing and then she starts acting so obnoxious to carol she's like weird that's the only word you can use weird i mean use your words writer girl weird weird what sort of word is that oh i just smacked that leg right off her yeah like re re i'm gonna re um leg you bitch i'm to double peg you, bitch. Yeah, she was pretty tricky about how she worded it. She basically said, no, I don't have a ghostwriter.

I wrote a draft and then handed it over to my team, which means she put a bunch of words down and then they made it sensical yeah and then so yeah she had a ghostwriter basically she wrote she wrote part of it and then they made it good you know like good editing which which makes sense it's just such a to me it's kind of a stupid fight like it went on too long and carol like i'm totally on carol's side i don't think she had a ghost i mean i don't care if she had a ghost I would never know because I'm never reading that shit. Well, the other thing is that for Aviva,

she says how Carol's not such an important writer. Who cares about Carol as a writer? You realize you're the same woman who in the beginning of last season talked about how excellent the book was and how much it moved you, how inspirational it was

and how she's such a wonderful writer. So either you're a liar or you're totally insulting to Carol. It was one of those things. It was a September Tuesday at 5pm. As I waited on that park bench, my vagina

trembled. He was coming soon. What would he look like? Would he look like a new man or a man from my past? Would he look like that man who once got on a plane whose name I won't mention? Or will he be someone completely new? And why does my vagina feel like there's an earthquake going on under this park bench?

The Widow's Guide to Dating by Carol Radswell. Widow's Guide to Dating by Carol Redswell. Is this a kitchen or a place he's going to screw me for the first time where there's an office printer? Oh, gosh. It was like a crazy reunion. I didn't think it was like anything too amazing, though. But it was. No, because, I mean, again, they're all just so practiced and prepared. They just start yelling and yapping at each other.

Passing a dog kennel. Yeah. It really is. When Fred Flintstone comes home, and Dino's like... I know. What else happened? I didn't write any notes, because I watched it literally just right now. There was talk about how Luann going off in the cab with Harry.

But then Luann's like, yeah, but I was thinking it was Harry and Heather and someone else. It was like four people in the cab. It wasn't like Luann. Did you read that post that Carol made? the blog that Carol made after that episode? Oh, my God. It was so funny. I did, yeah. You know that Carol's a good writer if you go to Bravo TV and read her blogs because that bitch is hilarious.

She rips everybody a new one of them, and they're so funny. And that one, she was talking about how crazy sonia is because none of that happened sonia never ran after a cab she didn't hurt her ankle running after any cab um it was not a surprise to her that her friend left she knew that he didn't go home with luann like that was just all a bunch of made-up crap but heather says it in the funniest fucking way and you gotta love sonia for never backing down yeah on anything no she's crazy well i mean she can't afford to back down because you know she's got to keep her seo numbers up as per her irish homeless girls advice oh my god she is so funny she is crazy crazy interns you know how

many homeless people i have helped how many children oh my god and i like And I like that she goes, well, they're interns. They get college credit because some girls want to learn about fashion. They're like, you know, sometimes it depends on what they're learning in school. So if they're learning on the Mac, then that's what we focus on in the semester. Semester, how to learn how to do Mac. And then after that, they become volunteers. Yeah, because learning how to schedule on a Mac, I mean, that's an entire entire semester on its own so she's officially a charity case because she now has volunteers just like i'm i'm an official not-for-profit organization yeah uh what's up with that gay

guy who's worked for her for three years for free like he must get so much dick he must uh because you know that that's like currency in a gay bar working for a housewife. Yeah. Oh, I know. I'm like, oh, I know. I'm like, I just talk about housewives. You never know what's going to happen. Yeah, I don't know why anyone would like hang around that creepy old townhouse.

You know, she's lost her mind. I mean, you remember that the job posting or the email I read a few months ago about someone who applied to work for Sonia. And it was like the whole, I'm sorry, it wasn't a job posting. It was just the description of the experience and how crazy it was. Oh, my God, I'm sure. Could you imagine working for Sonia? If she were here, I would apply to be her intern, and I would see how it goes. So how many more episodes of this do we have?

One more, I think. So one more of this, and then we've got Jersey Bell. Are they going to be showing Real Housewives of Melbourne on Bravo regularly? Yeah, Sundays. Sundays at noon. Okay, and then what other new shows are coming out? Below Deck, are they having another housewives show right now no so i'm gonna watch one episode of jersey bell and if i like it then i will continue okay i'll watch what i'll watch it too i mean maybe we have to watch two because next week it'll

be two will have already been out i'm sure the story will be we'll all be it'll be so hard to keep up with the story i know the jersey looks That's really hard. She moves down to the south, and she says a lot of vulgar things, and other girls are like, what? And she's like, whatever, I'm from Jersey, and now I'm in Alabama. Yeah. You remember that show about the Jersey lawyer? It was that same thing. It was like Legally Blonde, but she was a lawyer from Jersey.

And everyone's like, we can't take you seriously in this law firm. And she's like, why? Just because I'm hard and I'm from Jersey? And they're like, yeah. But then it turns out she's a real smart cookie. Yeah, I've seen all that shit. Alright, everybody stop it. Stop with this Jersey fish out of water crap. It's bad enough having to deal

with Jersey people in Jersey. I'm also not going to watch the Singles Project. I don't even know what it is. I don't understand what it is, and I don't want to know. That starts today, right? No way. Beats me. I'm not paying attention. It starts next week.

I just saw a bunch of tweets about it. All right. Well, why don't we wrap this up? Ronnie, thank you again for being such a wonderful co-host. Thank you for being a great co-host and a great friend as well. Thanks. Even though you like Ramona more than me. Well, you know, it goes back and forth.

So anyway, everyone, please like this Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens. Be sure to subscribe to us on Stitcher, SoundCloud, iTunes, wherever you want to find us. Subscribe. Follow us on social media I'm at bsideblog and Ronnie's at either Trash Talk TV or Trash Tweet TV or at Ronnie Karam, just do a search

and go to TrashTalkTV.com you can read his TV coverage, see his Big Brother in Two Minutes videos which are super funny, oh and I'm doing some Big Brother coverage too so you can check that out too, and everyone I just hope everyone has a wonderful and safe week yeah, me too, so you can check that out too. And everyone, I just hope everyone has a wonderful and safe week. Yeah.

Yeah. Me too. Bye, everybody. Bye, everyone. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

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