Watch What Crappens - #142: Santa's Helper

Episode Date: August 27, 2014

Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) are here to talk crap about a RHONJ husband banging his mother in law, Tamra losing more facial feeling on RHOC, restraining orders leading to possible death on Game of Crowns, and mics in bathrooms on RHOMelbourne. Come on in! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ends 295 because it's $2.95 for whatever you're going to buy. Well, it has to be a new.com or transfer. I just got that. I'm glad you explained it. So original. Why don't you just start a website about how original that deal is? So everyone, godaddy.com WWC2952.95,

and you get a new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, Oh, when you don't try to wrap it, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? lovely and fair-skinned Ben Mandelker of bsideblog.com. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. You can reach Ben on the internance at bsideblog.com where he does Big Brother photo caps and lots of other fun stuff, food reviews and stuff. You can also find him on social media outlets at bsideblog. You can find me, Ronnie Cara.

My website is trashtalktv.com. There's a bunch of really funny comedy writers doing recaps over there. I do Big Brother in two minutesutes every week, every Friday. And that comes out on my YouTube page, YouTube.com slash Trash Talk T-E-E-V-E-E. And you can find me on the Twitter at Ronnie Karam and Vine at Ronnie Karam and Instagram at Ronnie Karam or at Trash Talk TV. I'm also on Tumblr at Trash Talk TV Recaps. So there's that.

Come to our Facebook page. It's Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends Listeners get there And talk crap all week about the shows And it's really funny We've got it pulled up right now to read your stuff As we record today And then on Twitter we're at what crap ends

Yeah and you know what you should really I'm going to give an extra plug for my Twitter Because if you were reading my Twitter You would have heard the breaking news that I just tweeted about about three minutes ago that our special guest on tonight's episode is Ariana Grande. She's just looking for parking. And as soon as she gets here, we will let you know. But yes, Ariana Grande is coming on the podcast. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

There's so much about her lately yeah but we're but we you know the thing is the podcast takes precedence over ariana grande so even though we could have waited for her to park we decided to record it anyway so hopefully she will be joining us soon i love that in your world ariana grande actually parks like she's actually driving around the block she's's in a Mazda. While Frankie's in the Big Brother house, she has no chauffeur. She's probably trying to clean her own toilets, too. Aw, poor Frankie.

By the way, speaking of toilets, I don't know. This is no segue. You had a birthday this week and I said toilet. Drunk, you were puking in the toilet. I was not puking in the toilet which was a really nice change. I think that means that I'm maturing.

You were puking in the sink. It meant that I had enough pizza in me to soak up the vodka and not have to throw it up. Yeah, I mean, who cares? Do you still care about birthdays i love birthdays i know like every now and then someone will get up on tv and say well you know after you turn 30 who cares about birthdays but i like birthdays yeah i don't care and to quote and to quote janet on real housewives of melbourne she's like birthdays a day when it's just about me. Just about me. Whatever I want to do is what I can do all day.

Oh, yeah, right. My friends are like, well, I'll be there after I have dinner with my friend. Oh, I have to leave early because I'm meeting my friend for dinner. I'm like, what the hell kind of friends are you? There's only like four of you here to start with. And they're like,

oh, I've got to get home. The game's on. Like, what? Oh, right. If there was a game. I'm just kidding. My friends are really nice. It was super fun. I mean, it was just like any other drunken night to start with and they're like oh i gotta get home the game's on like what oh all right there was a game i'm just kidding my friends are really nice it was super fun i mean it was just like any other drunken night in a gay place there were lots of hot gay people around and i like got drunker and drunker and made more and more fun of them as the night went on did you go to pump the other day did you get a pump i'm not comfortable in pump that those are not my people in there those are

like euro trashy nouveau riche wannabe fucking it's like hairdressers who want to like go gossip about like faux rich people i have no i have and armenians like it's like it's like it's like a place where i imagine ken pave goes who's that he's like this fey hairdresser who was a judge on Sheer Genius. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, everyone in there is like a Bravo gay. They're really like, and they're in like really shiny clothes and have a lot of hair gel and spray tans and like jangly fake

gold stuff and like leased Ferraris and shit. And I'm just, that's not me. I'm like in jeans and a t-shirt with a McDonald's stain, you know, on my crotch. Those aren't my people. I feel you, Ronnie. And by the way, I'm like jeans and a t-shirt with a McDonald's stain on my crotch. Those aren't my people. I feel you, Ronnie. And by the way, I'm apologizing to the listeners.

I'm finishing up a bowl of soup. I'm just starving. I basically haven't eaten all day, and I need to eat something. So if you hear any noises like that, I apologize. It'll be done in about a minute. All right. Well, let's get started with some discussions. I just finished watching Jurors.

Okay. You want to talk about that one first? Yeah, let's talk about it. I didn't really write any notes because I was watching it right before this. The only note I wrote was the stripper was pushing the kid on the swing. Remember when you got a divorce and your husband was dating that stripper? And, you know, I cared because one time I saw the stripper pushing the kid on a swing. Like, what?

If anybody knows how to use a swing, it's a stripper. What were you so worried about? Like, actually the safest person you could date when you have a child. I can't believe they referred to their mother as a stripper. Oh, my God. Yeah, so let's just get to the meat then. So Victoria Gotti obviously hates these bitches. mother as a stripper oh my god yeah so let's just get to the meat then so victoria gaudy obviously hates these bitches like victoria victoria gaudy emerges like the crypt keeper

you know with a blonde wig she was like gollum coming out of the fucking lake i know that ring it's a it's like when victoria gaudy floats in you know all those all that was missing really was like the sickle you know when she when she floats in you just know bad news bad news is coming you know she's like yeah why don't you guys come over to my place i live down the street street from this like it was some like awful liquor shop she's like come over it was like it was like uh steve vananucci's Liquor Depot. PBR, you come over for? You ring have? Why don't you girls come over for some Boone's Farms?

Oh, my God, Boone's Farms. So they go over to Victoria Gotti's place. And she starts telling the story about how she met Reno many years ago. And when Reno was divorced from, I think it was Teresa, right? She starts telling the story about how she met Reno many years ago. And when Reno was divorced from, I think it was Teresa, right? And how he said that he told her that the reason why they got divorced is because he basically slept with... Well, that story is way more than that. Because that guy's just a fucking creep. And a star fucker.

And a total restaurant host who cares too much. Yeah. I mean, imagine being in the hospital and your total like restaurant host who cares too much yeah i mean imagine being in the hospital and your applebee's host coming up to you i heard you were sick in the hospital so i brought you a swatch watch what you're the host at the applebee's what are you doing in the hospital get out of here listen i know my podcast is huge but i have no more room in my life for friends. That's how you make people feel good in the neighborhood.

Bring in some onion peels and some Lucky Charms baked chicken. You ever seen some ratatouille? Some para-butts. Well, I love that when he first tells Victoria Gotti that he slept with Santa, which is hilarious to say that to begin with. When he tells her that, her first response, she thinks it's a joke. And she's like, Reno, don't say those things. That's how gossip gets started. Meanwhile, she's completely gossiping about this.

She's acting like she was offended at the idea of creating gossip when she is actually you know perpetuating it oh my god that was the that was so cold of her because she not only dropped it and said well it could have been a joke she dropped it and then said i even asked is it a joke and he said no it's not a joke like jesus victoria gaudy it's like just bring everybody down it's like it's not worth living. Like, Jesus, Victoria Gotti. It's like, just bring everybody down. It's not worth living alone unless everybody else lives alone. How about Dina just becomes friends with her? Like, anybody who becomes single.

Or when Joe goes to jail, Teresa can be friends with her. And they can just all be alone together around a kitchen table. Yeah, exactly. Spreading awful lies about each other. Or not lies, rumors. Well, the editors are really gross because they show this this was like of course the last minute of the show because that's how they roll on jersey the rest of it was watching melissa fake giggle over a rental dog that they

got but um earlier they show a scene with the mom talking to the twin uh talking to the twins about love and relationships and it just makes the whole thing so much grosser yeah i mean that's crazy to think that she slept with reno i mean i can't believe that she's still with like how is she not the pariah of the family well you know if you ever watched jerry springer when they would be like oh your brother slept with your husband and then they would beat up the boyfriend and he'd be like why are you beating up the boyfriend and not the brother and she'd be like because he's my family this guy's an asshole he's not my family it's like oh okay so i guess you forgive your family for everything but then you beat up the non-family members they probably had a really big hot to hot over some over a dunkin donuts culotta and everything's okay now

so we're all family again. God. Yeah, that's pretty disturbing. But I read in the gossip pages that there's going to be, that it breaks up their marriage or something. Really? Who would have thought? They're fucking with their marriage. That's shocking.

How could that happen? I just can't see that happening. They're just such a great entrepreneurial couple who they only care about their business. I only care about Reno's business, Ponte Vecchio. Oh, the raviolis. Giovanni's going to lend the family business. There's nothing that any professor could teach him that his own father can't teach him better.

He's going to learn in a 20,000 square foot barn in Jersey with some books and some YouTube videos. I'm going to take pictures. I'm going to take pictures next to this fireplace and I'm going to send them to my son and say, someday you can sleep with me the way that your dad slept with my mom. God. It's the cycle of lives. And the difference is you can sleep with my sister too and you won't know the difference. I know that this is going to shock you guys, but poor Teresa.

I mean, the stuff she's really going through a lot. Oh, yeah. What did she have to do this week? This week, Joe used a big word. Like, if I wrote the TV guide logline, I would say, Joe used a big word, husband fucks mom. Yeah. That would be the logline. Joe did use a big word.

It had, like, all of five letters in it and one syllable, and it still stumped Teresa. Yeah. He's like, I got the brawn. And she's like, brawn, brawn? She's like, huh? You got color? Brown? I know words.

Huh? Who cares? What? Who cares? Shut up. As Melania, like, puts white out all over his fake mahogany desk. Fohogany. Fohogany. Let's see. Melissa's aunt died.

And then she made us a book of sexy photos of herself and gave it to Joe Gorga. Yeah. What better time? Yeah. had the waiter deliver it by the way at the counter dinner yeah exactly it may have had a few meatball stands on it but it still did it did the trick these women are forgiving each other way too easily it's like first they're ripping each other's hair weaves out and then they're like okay well let's just be friends again and then the next week amber's showing up of course amber can never just show up anywhere and just say i'm here for you she has to be like i'm here for you for your cancer because i have the cancer

too and i know what it's like because i had it it's like oh geez she's like i want to put everything aside just as if we're at we're treating it with chemo okay because i went through chemo and i know what that's like all right i want to treat this like it's a cyst we don't know if it's benign or not but we're going to take it out either way and have it tested all right all this drama all this drama is like a cancer okay and i know that because i had cancer she's uh pretty terrible so overall new jersey is pretty gross still it is pretty gross and i would have liked to have seen footage of Amber getting car sickness as a passenger in Teresa's car and yet still somehow

managing to drive away. Well, is that the new housewives thing? Where, like, because Vicky said she can't be a passenger in the car or she can't sit in the back because she gets sick and bars. I think car sickness is the new cancer and of course, as we know, cancer is the new faux cancer. Yeah. The almost cancer. And of course, as we know, cancer is the new faux cancer.

Yeah. The almost cancer. Yeah. So we're circling back to the benign things. We're circling back to faux cancer with car sickness. Oh, I can't wait till Ebola hits the housewives. I have car cancer. I'm sorry.

Car cancer. I can't be a passenger. I get car cancer. I might have Ebola cancer. I can't be a passenger. I get cancer. I might have Ebola. I can't breathe. Like five weeks of that. I can't wait until almost Ebola hits. Yeah.

Reno, I have Ebola. I don't want to be racist, but this didn't come from a white person. It's like, shut up New Jersey. Alright, so where are we now? I'll tell you where I am right now. I was in my head trying to form some sort of meatball Ebola pun, but I couldn't do it. Oh my god, she's suffering

from meatball-a. Yeah. We are at Ponte Vecchio our new special of spaghettis and meatball-as. See you now. Yeah. We at Ponte Vecchio, our new special is spaghettis and meatballs. Reno, let's pour some vodka on the meatballs on the grill. No, you can get meatballs. That's how Reno charmed my mom. Oh, my God. If you're not full of phlegm and sneezes, you didn't eat it right.

That stripper gave my son meat bolas on the swing while I was out getting my colada. Someone choked on some meat bolas, but hey, that's what you're supposed to do. Hey, we're family. I put my meat bola in a little fireman's hat and put it next to the fireplace and took sexy photos of it. Sent it to my mom and said it was for my husband. All right, so what do you want to do next? fireman's hat and put it next to the fireplace and took sexy photos of it. Sent it to my mom and said it was for my husband. Alright, so what do you want to do next? Why don't we go to Game of Crowns?

Let's do it. Hold on, let me look through my pages of notes. Oh, I wish I'd taken notes. I take this so very seriously. Hold on. Alright, I'm here. I have to say, the episode was a little jazzier than normal because there's a lot of like getting ready for the big pageant stuff. But once I got to the pageant, it got so funny.

I mean, when they did the montage of the interview segment and they're asking all these women these ridiculous questions like there was this one. All these women, these ridiculous questions. Like there was this one. OK, one of the judges had this pancake makeup on that was so bizarre. And she sort of looked like Beaker with like bad highlights. OK. And she was like, so tell us, why do you want to go to Greenland? I mean, I think she asked that to Lynn Diamante.

Oh, my God. So I just cracked up. The fact that Lynn Diamante has a passion for for Greenland is, to me, like, one of the best things ever. Also because it's all ice. Like, she doesn't know that they're named opposite yet. She doesn't know that, like, Iceland is beautiful and Greenland is terrible. She probably thinks Greenland is a supermarket. She's like, yeah, I really want to, like, try out the new produce at Greenland. Green goes really good with my highlights my blue

highlights um so game of crowns blood pressure i love that lindy amante's first scene is with her husband acting like she's in the emergency room getting her blood pressure taken and she's like what leha has done to me is she's trying to murder me she's trying to kill me i could die with this with these stress levels, I could pass away, and I need to be here for my daughter, so I'm not going to rehearsal. I was like, what? Yeah.

It was like, I mean, she's framing this as if she is some brave hero. She's competing in the face of evil against all the forces conspiring against her. At the risk of her own health she's appearing in a marginal beauty pageant that's not even real yeah at someone's husband's casino and i love by the way all the all the portraits of her that are around her house like when they they did a wide shot of her getting the blood pressure and you see this like it's an empty

room and nothing in the walls except this one giant portrait of Lynn looking so ridiculous. I mean, it's in between these two circular windows that are straight from the 80s. I mean, I don't even know what sort of world this woman lives in. Yeah, she's a fucking nutcase. But I just love that Lynn, like, she overcame all odds

and flew in the face of a murderer to compete. Yeah. Yeah, she's basically a lifetime movie, and bravo for that. I was like, I don't understand how people could think I would spread rumors like that. She's trying to kill me. Yeah. Yeah. How could people say such mean things?

By the way, Leah, the other girls called you a manvestite, tranny, and ugly in a 40-footer. Okay. So she's awful. What's the next thing? How about... Oh, Susanna. Susanna. Susanna.

I don't know how you're supposed to sit here and pay attention to all this when my best friend's dying. Meanwhile, poor Susanna. You know, she got in trouble earlier this season for wearing the same jumpsuit as Vanessa. And she shows up to Foxwood wearing the same exact outfit as all the seats in the Foxwood. Yeah, she really did. That's so funny.

When I was watching it, I made that comment. I was like, oh, my God, it's a floating head. All the chairs were like, damn gay people giving us all the same dresses to wear. I know. The seats are like, you're an opportunist and you're just trying to ride my coattails. Yeah. So the Foxwoods Casino hates gay hairdressers now who own boutiques. Yeah.

Let's see what else was in here. What do you think about interior design? Oh, God. The questions were, you already brought up the interviews, but so one piece of the thing is they have to go speak to this panel, okay? And this is not on stage. This is off stage. And they've given them already questions.

It's like when you go on a late-night talk show, and they're like, what do you want to talk about, Jim Carrey? And he's like, meatballs, whatever. Yeah, meatballs. And they're like, oh, so i heard you had some meat bolas and then the checkout so they they were doing that with the ladies and vanessa's was so what do you think about interior design and she's like i love interior design yeah i just redid my bedroom into a closet and so it's an extra place for me to put my shoes and my purses and my scarves and my shoes

and i look and the judges are just trying to like keep a straight face like they're taking this all so seriously they're like oh i liked it she said shoes twice like what the hell what am i watching didn't they ask suzanna something like what's something you do that annoys your family she's like well I have my own pilot's license so this is a terrible person they got like all right I came out all wrong but she's like well I have my own pilot's license so well you know that sort of speaks for itself what that makes no sense none of that makes any sense yeah I like that they called the ladies pageant patties who are just like so pageant uh those are ladies who like are so into pageants that they're just total fakes

like they walk in they're like hello it's lovely to be a part of this competition which i think is how you're supposed to be right yeah that's the whole point i mean like i think i think if i were a judge i might prefer a pageant patty versus Laurie Anne. Yeah, Laurie Anne getting up there, scratching her crotch and spitting, you know, on the stage. Being like, uh. My name's Laurie Anne, and I'm Mrs. Connecticut. I'm Mrs. Worldwide Fitness Web. I'm like, what?

That is not a thing. It's like, I'm in the web, my fitness stash. No, you're not. She's like, I'm going to wear my fitness stash. No, you're not. She's like, I'm a WBFF diva. It's like WBFF. I don't know. She says to me, this is who I am.

This is where I made my name. This is what I do. I'm like, you're an idiot. You're not in that organization right now. The WWBF. So then she wore two. Who was that? Her parents telling her it's important that she wore two. Who was that? Her parents telling her it's important that she represent Connecticut?

Who was that? No, no. That woman was Elaine Paolo, who has been a recurring fixture of the season. She is like the old lady who runs all these pageants. And her daughter, Melissa Paolo, is like the emcee busybody. But she's also clearly Melissa wants to be a star because we saw her later singing in that opening number that they had danced to and it was so funny to me that this woman she was like this like homely this just homely mc lady decides suddenly that she wants the spotlight and belt along to like a pre-recorded track the whole thing cracks me up yeah that was

so crazy that looked like rosie with a wig it did right that lady yeah she's like you're a star a star in the sky catch a star when it falls but don't fall right here today stars i just love it when like i love it just when tacky people are suddenly an authority on how to be presentable. Yeah. You know, especially not Vanessa, especially Susanna. Why can't I ever remember her name? Susanna is so stupid. She's like, I'm just going to wing it.

They're like, so what do you think? She's like pilot flying. Yeah. Makes any sense. And then they cut to her like testimon, testimonial, and she goes, I'm competing with Miss America. I must have done something right.

I'm like, you didn't. You paid a membership fee to enter this terrible competition that no one even bothered getting extras to show up at. There was, like, five people in the audience, and they were all the family members of the cast members. I know. I'm like, you were not doing anything right. Mrs. America is doing something wrong.

Yeah, exactly. Poor Mrs. America. I do have to say, she's the only one who's, like, legitimate. Like, I buy it. Yeah, she's pretty. She's poised. Like, she is definitely, like, in a league way above everyone else. Yeah, I mean, she's just so beautiful.

And she holds herself so well. And she's so doesn't like give a crap she's not afraid like that one yes for sure but the rest of them i was like no no and i loved it that uh vanessa was like well i lost i wish i'd lost 10 pounds first and i was like uh, especially when they're showing you a fucking closeup of you eating like steak or whatever. And weren't those lamb chops? I don't know. Like every episode she's crap stuffing her face with like parfait or something like that.

Yeah. And it seemed like they were eating lamb chops. And then Susanna's like, is that steak? And she's like, yes, I think so. Looks like it.

Like you guys don't know what a lamb chop is. I didn't rewind though. So I could be wrong on that i just um i really do think my favorite part of the episode though was when lorianne got up to introduce herself on stage and totally messed it up first of all she comes in with this like stance where it looks like she's about to go running away and she's like what a beautiful day for a pageant i'm lorianne and i'm mrs connecticut but just the fact that she like started with this canned phrase,

like, what a beautiful day to compete, and she's standing there like she wants to punch someone in the face. It was like everything I wanted in five seconds. And also that her husband was completely mortified. I love that, too. He's like, what? Oh, goddammit. Yeah, and the best part is he started to speak.

He started to be like, no, what? That was so awkward. Then he realized there was no one sitting around him. He just stopped and put his hand in his head i love i love when they uh when they were doing i guess it was the swimsuit part i think it was a swimsuit part and they were like this lady let's welcome this lady who enjoys tennis and video games let's let's say hello to lynn who enjoys blah blah blah blah and motivational speaking like you were not a motivational speaker it was one of her hobbies like she does she she's a motivational speaker who are you speaking to motivationally you dumb hoe you are not a mode that's like me being like ronnie let's say hi to Ronnie. Ronnie enjoys being a size two, and he enjoys doing surgery on the weekends.

Like, you can't just make shit up. Well, you know that Lynn is as crazy as Sonia Morgan. You know Lynn is saying, well, you know, I take in all sorts of LGBT youth, and I have people who write me letters, and I'm very big in Saint-Tropez, which is a tanning salon in town. Do you know how many maids I've motivated to clean toilets? So many. And if they don't, I chop their fingers off one by one. Like, whoa, Lynn! It's not motivational, Lynn. Every time

I go into the hair salon and I have the women there dye my hair blue at the tips, and they start crying and saying, how is this my life? I tell them, no, this is a good thing that you're doing. You shouldn't feel sad about it. You were not a beauty school dropout. When I go to restaurants and they hand me a menu, I look it over to decide what I'm going to have.

And when they come back to my table, I motivate them to bring me an iced tea, an entree, and occasionally a dessert. When my husband, Julio, cries at night and says, why does this have to be the arranged marriage? Why was she the one chosen for me? I tell him, no, it's okay because you can't do any better. And that really motivates him to feel better. Who would say this? Who would do this to me? Who would say this to me? this to me. I had never even held an illegal drug in my hand. I don't even know what it looks like. I have a license from the Supreme Court and I went to go there and I asked my

colleagues, they said, are you trying someone? And I said, no, I'm a defendant. Who does that? Meanwhile, Leah, speaking of other people taking themselves seriously she's like i decided that with everything going on it just it would just it would be too much security it'd be too much if i competed so i decided not to compete i'm like lady you know you're the one who asked for the restraining order so you can probably like let you like take it away if you

want to compete it's like you're this is is not – don't blame the whole situation. Like you can fix it. Well, it's her husband. Yeah. It's obviously not her at all. It's totally her husband, 100%. And he sits there. Like he comes in like a total brute, sits there, eats all the food, and just eats with his mouth open and stares at everybody like he's going to fucking murder them.

And then what does he do in the pageantant he sits there and he laughs at everyone yeah exactly which is what started this whole thing yeah exactly yeah he's a pig but i love that the producers obviously told her you can't just not let her compete like that's not fair she's gonna do it and if you don't want to take away the restraining order you don't have to but because i don't think she would have done that on her own. I think she would have forced Lynn out if she could have. Yeah. But I still like that she walked through Foxwoods Casino with her stupid, like, Mrs. Rhode Island, United States, like, Pawtucket County sash.

Yeah, sash and crown. Because you know what the crowd at Foxwoods is like, right? I mean. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been there. I've been there. It's the first? I mean. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been there. I've been there. It's the first casino I ever went to.

And yeah. It's pretty intense. It's like taking a walk through an unemployment line, but with chandeliers. Well, a lot of dinging sounds. Well, what's also funny is that the editors did include like a little moment where Nick patted – like when he was laughing at the contestants, he patted Vanessa's husband on the shoulder like in this very like friendly way, which I think – I feel like they kept that in there almost to – it's almost like a wink at the fact that later when they had the premiere party for this show that Nick bit that guy's ear. Like bit it off I think. Oh, yeah. I was wondering about that because one of the husbands was laughing with nick is that the one yeah and then but i mean nick is an asshole i mean honestly like if you are a cop and you bite someone's ear off

do you still get to be a cop yeah of course i mean hello look at the news you can shoot i know i mean seriously i mean nick is probably people and then fucking stupid people on Facebook start a fund for you so that you're okay. I'm like, oh, I'm glad that the cop has a quarter of a million dollars now when the kid's dead. Like, what the fuck is wrong with everybody? Yeah, the cops get away. They can do whatever they want. You know that Nick is, like, chomping at the bit to go down to ferguson and like throw cement blocks at protesters oh my god no don't even start real life don't even start me on real life you do not want to hear my take on real life isn't this real life

isn't what we're talking about game of crowns ferguson no No! So this week coming up is the season finale. I don't think we're going to get a reunion. I'd be shocked. Although if there's ever a show that demands a reunion, it's this one. I hope they at least give a janky reunion in the clubhouse. But I don't think it's going to happen. No. Well, he might do that.

He might do a Watch What Happens thing watch what crappens or watch what happens thing and invite them on but yeah this show's pretty much dead bravo doesn't care because they they had promised to show they were moving it to mondays remember they did that move well they they showed two in a week like they showed one on sunday and then one on monday but nobody knew so nobody watched one of them right and then um then they moved it back to sunday and now they're also like putting don't be tardy i think they're probably trying to help don't don't be tardy for the party so that's like after new jersey now so game of crowns is even later in the night yeah i mean they don't even air they don't even air promos for it anymore yeah they don't bother

with this show this show's so dead it's a shame it's so sad it's so good everyone this one would blossom in season two because there would be new people to do it oh you know like every time i invite people over to my place and i show them game of crowns they are cracking up i just showed it to two people this week and they were like dying with laughter they couldn't believe it was a real show. And I'm saying somehow we've got to save it. But I don't think if we couldn't save Gallery Girls, we're not going to be able to save Game of Crowns. I think Gallery Girls was almost worth it. I mean, I think that was more worth saving than this one. This one only the reason I say it's not as worth saving is because there's already so many shows about these women at this age being so desperate and needy and sad and fucking each other over and you know we talk

about this often but i had a busy week because it was like birthday and work and like a bunch of stuff going on so i didn't watch all of these until last night at like 10 at night i started and then i finished this morning and when you watch them all in a row like that all these women screaming at each other yeah for hours on end. It's like, oh, yeah, we don't need any more of that. And, you know, the thing is it's a little actually off of Bravo's brand because these women are not as wealthy or as like chic as sort of Bravo likes their cast to be. I mean, I'm not saying that the people on Atlanta are wealthy because everyone's bankrupt,

but they have, like, expensive things. Whereas these women, they're more like... Well, this whole show looks cheap. Yeah, this is definitely like a TLC. This should be on TLC. Well, this is where it started. It was a pilot on TLC, I believe, last year. People were posting about it on our page last year.

They showed, like, an hour of it and it was about the mrs pageant so it had to be game of crowns and i guess tlc didn't pick it up and bravo bought it yeah it's a surprising move i think um to to those of you who missed it um i'm i'm sorry for you yeah guys you missed a part of american history that no one's going to remember in five seconds but it was still amazing to us yeah i think also by the way it has a terrible title i know they're doing a game of thrones parody but it's like a terrible title game of crowns it's so stupid yeah it is because it sounds like it's about dentists right and by the way i'm obsessed with game of thrones i had a crown today and i wanted to make a game of crowns

pun but i knew no one would get it because no one watched the show. Oh, well. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I got a... Well, they watched Game of Thrones though, so that would have made sense. I actually am missing half a tooth in the back, like I'm really ghetto, and I don't have insurance yet, so I can't get it fixed, and it's

so sharp. I can't even make out with anybody because they'll cut themselves. Oh, Ronnie. I need a crown. Let's start a fund. Oh, we should start a fund. Let's start a Kickstarter for my crown. You should go to my dentist. I don't have insurance either. You don't have insurance?

No, because the thing is this. When you are not employed, if you get your own private dental insurance, it's like a racket. Because what happens is you wind up spending more on the premiums than for the coverage. So for instance, if you get your cleaning and your cleaning costs like about $100, that's fine but you're spending like how much a month? It would be like 60 a month even.

So you are putting more into these premiums and you're only getting – if you were to get that cleaning with the insurance it might be like 75 instead of 100 like it's not that much of a savings so my my my dental office was like stop paying for for um for dental insurance so there that's a little pro tip for everyone out there oh that is a good tip because i was like i need to get insurance because i used to pay so much damn money for insurance and then the the Obamacare stuff came out, and I was signing up for that. And I was like, this is not cheaper than my other insurance. And it was all for, like, HMO, like, really, sorry for HMO doctors out there, no offense, but, like, the shittiest of the shitty doctors.

Like, I would drive past the places. I was checking a couple of them out. And I'm like, I'm not going to a doctor in, like, a strip mall. It looks like a Planned Parenthood. And'm like, I'm not going to a doctor in a strip mall. It looks like a Planned Parenthood. I'm not going in there. Yeah. So anyway, we'll figure that out, guys. You see, real life is seeping into this podcast every which way because the world is going to shit.

But you know what, everybody? Let's just dump some ice water on our heads, okay, and just wait for the drought. Have we fixed AIDS? Have we fixed aids have we fixed cancer i mean luke garrig i mean do we need to rebrand that disease as something else was luke garrig not popular enough anymore fuckers jesus that's making me crazy okay what else although there is a new facebook video of a baby saying fucking bloody hell something like that that's amazing so i forget facebook i don't i don't know

if i would uh necessarily do the ice bucket challenge with a two-year-old but apparently some parents thought that was cool so seems a little extreme to me that was amazing she's like i nominate wah but splash what the bloody fucking hell i was right there with that girl i was like yeah i would of course i did the ice bucket with that girl. I was like, yeah, I would curse. I did the ice bucket challenge last week, and I was like, ugh, I don't want to even do this. That shit was so funny. So do you want to do OC? Let's do OC.

Yay. Yay. Okay, Tamara. Oh, my goodness. Okay, poor Tamara. I know that her greatest fear in life is aging. Too late, get over it, it happened. It's like me going bald.

You can't stop baldness, okay? You can buy a wig, but everybody's gonna know it's a wig, okay? There are some things about yourself you have to accept, Tamara. Get over it, because you've got so many injections, your nose is permanently scrunched up, and it looks like you're smelling your old old loose-ass farts all night long. It's gross. Stop it. Yeah.

I mean, what can I say to that? It's all true. Hey, I hit the desk so hard that it reloaded my page. Wow. It's the ghost of Tamara Barney. Yeah. Yeah, but seriously, that seriously that face oh ouch she's just a hideous hideous person wait i have to i have to stop for one second and just say i

looked on twitter just now and uh i just got a follow from someone named jocasta's bow tie that's a big brother reference anyway you know tamra is i mean she's so true ring ring hello jocasta it's your bow tie i just got myself all tied up like you funny bow tie click by the way i just got a text ariana grande is about five minutes away so just everyone stay tuned oh my god i'm so excited because i just read this article about how mean she is to her fans and i was like no way it's not the best i don't believe it well for those of us who saw her on american idol this season she made an appearance and i was like man that girl is cold she was real cold to everyone oh she was oh yeah i just took it initially i sort of thought she's either really cold or she has no personality.

But I'm starting to think it might be a little bit of both. Yeah. My friend worked on the Billboard Awards or whatever a few months ago. And they said that she and Iggy Azalea, because, you know, they do that song together, that they hate each other. And Ariana just gave her dirty looks the whole time. And Iggy just looked at her like, fuck you, bitch. Like, they hated each other's guts, which I think is really funny. Sounds like one more one more problem. You know what?

Gossiping about 40-year-old ladies is sad enough without gossiping about 21-year-old girls. So let's get back to Tamara Barney. Talking about one more problem. Yeah. Talking about one more problem. Yeah. I imagine that when you have sex with Tamara, it sort of sounds like that saxophone in the Problem song. I think it's probably like when Boy Scouts are trying to make fire without Flint,

and they just keep rubbing sticks against rocks you know i just started watching brick and bad finally last night and i feel like having sex with tamra is what the entire foley department sounds like some brick and bad a lot of clanking glass shattering and maybe and maybe a gunshot, some liquid, and some steaming fumes. Some old people being melted. Yeah, exactly. The sound of a bathtub. The sound of acid chewing its way through a bathtub. That's sort of what...

Having sex with Tamara is like the pilot of Breaking Bad. Sandy, fumes, a little bit of lung cancer you spend an entire episode trying to find out where the fly is sort of have like car wash smells yeah total like a little pine cone thing it's like pine cone from above but like rank post below sort of you hear the sound of a chair being moved on uh from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca ranzi and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History. Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about

or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights,

she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy

early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. That's her legs opening up. I'm so jealous that you're just starting Breaking Bad. What a good show. I'm so excited. No spoilers. No spoilers. What a good show.

They all die. Sorry, that was not me laughing laughing that was also my impersonation of tamra's legs opening up oh we are so misogynists i say we it's like clearly me i'm like i'm just as mean to the men there's just not as many of them on yeah exactly i don't hate you because you're a woman i hate you because you're an asshole. I hate you because you're an asshole. Yeah. That's right. I'm so sick of everybody's fucking outrage all the time. Like, seriously.

And I know I'm one to talk because I'm, like, outraged for an hour and a half every week when we do this. I know. So, trust me, I see the irony. But I'm just, like, every comment thread you read, they're like, why are you being mean to Tamara? Or, like, everyone's just so outraged. Like, Tamara, I can't believe you would say that to so-and-so. You're a horrible mother. Outrage! Generated outrage!

Rah! Jesus, calm down, people. You should just be like, listen, I'm just trying to give a piece of advice. Just trying to give some advice. I was just trying to help you grow. I was just trying to help you grow. It was a patty thing. I'm all about personal growth, okay?

And I'm just trying to give you some advice. Okay, I'm jumping ahead. Let's go back to OC. So I actually, for some reason, I can't remember anything that happened. Okay. Okay. Heather has- Let me remind you how these all start.

Yeah. Hey, everybody. I'm Andy Cohen. Welcome to my beach house. We're here with the cast of Real Housewives. Hi, Tamara. Hi, Andy. Hi, Andy. Hi, Heather. Hi, Andy. Heather, I love your bangs. Thanks. I just cut them like five minutes ago. That's so bold. Thanks. I did not cut them two days ago. I cut them five minutes ago because that's

just how I am. I'm very like of the people and do things of the moment. Did not absolutely cut these five days ago. Hi, Kentucky Fried Titties. Hi, Andy. And that was a very crass remark, but I'm going to attribute it to Tamara. Hi, Shannon. Hope you're not crazy today. What did you say to Shannon? What was her thing?

What's the score? Oh, yeah. What's the score, Bidor? Well, David. David told me that we're winning so we're winners david david are we winning no matter what happens today david's gonna lose that's the score um yeah so andy still hasn't fixed that whole like how to say hello thing you didn't even say hi to vicky oh yeah hi vicky hi andy i don't. I can't do any of these women. Vicky, thank you for the double meatloaf covered in saran wrap on your chest.

That's really appetizing for everyone at home, I'm sure. So thanks for that. That's Austinic name for baby Troy. Double meatloaf. You know, I feel like Vicky listens to all this and reads the internet too much. And people kept making fun of her square tits. So she got round ones. And they're almost worse than the square ones you know what put them away just put them away if your silver's rusty

leave it in the drawer girl don't bring it out at the dinner party no one can eat with rusty silver wear biggie yeah basketball should stay on the court not on your chest yes it's disgusting i don't want to see it yeah especially because it looks like one of those rubber things that drag queen wear drag queens wear so they can like wear low-cut things they were like rubber chest pieces that's what oh really oh is that what they do yeah have you not noticed that i i didn't notice it although you know this weekend i was in phoenix um and i went to like their big gay club and there was a drag show going on and let me tell you something those phoenix drag queens are an eyeful i'm sure there's

a lot going on there you know my friend jamo he's a recapper at tvgasm he's a big guy he's a bear and he uh he's a backup dancer for a drag queen like he's done it for 10 years and it's the best fucking thing i've ever seen yeah he's in phoenix he's like a phoenix drag queen backup dancer didn't i meet him did i meet him once yeah you've met him a couple i think we've gone out a couple times i you know he probably was at that club i probably missed him probably if there were some good old bear backup dancers like shaking their shit it was probably him i don't know i didn't and he'll post like drag things on his recap all the time and yeah they're they're very they're a different brood out there and they're all it was it was definitely crazy like you know a lot of the gay guys there were actually very prissy

shockingly prissy they were like um turning their nose up at everything and like i mean to be fair eyes with a group of people and that were like twerking like crazy i'm not a very good twerker but my friends were like kind of undulating like crazy and i'm not a very good twerker but my friends were like kind of undulating like crazy and i'm not sure phoenix had seen that before but there was like a lot of priss going on in that club it's called charlie's if anyone's ever been there before um well i'm glad that there's a lot of prissy gays in phoenix because they they need to turn the tide in phoenix yeah they do i mean arizona has really gone fucking crazy with gay people they need someone needs to turn that shit up yeah yeah and all the bartenders were very bro like when i when i um signed up my

tab the bartender like gave me like a handshake and pulled me up for a hug but not like it wasn't like a flirty thing you're just like thanks bro thanks for coming bro i'm like what yeah welcome to everywhere else in the world well you're from the east coast which no offense is kind of cold like i'm not you because i remember when i moved moved to the east coast i was like you guys are fucking cold out here where i'm from everybody's like hi like you walk up the street and they're like hi how you doing well good evening man hello you go into a store and they're like love your car oh i love your shirt where'd you get that and they'll sit there and talk to you and the east in the east they don't do that but yeah most like normal places people are nice it's only here you can't be nice to people because the minute you smile at someone, they're trying to get money from you or fucking telling you some sob story about how their kid's locked in a car down the street and they just need $100 from your PayPal.

Whatever. They're all trying to scam you. Anywho. Anywho. What happened in Phoenix? Why are we talking about Phoenix? Oh, because I don't know. Why did I mention that?

Oh, we're talking about drag queens. Oh, we're talking about bad tits. I saw drag queens in Phoenix. Sorry, Phoenix. Why are we talking about Phoenix? Oh, because I don't know. Why did I mention that? Oh, we're talking about drag queens. Oh, we're talking about bad tits. I saw drag queens in Phoenix. Sorry, Phoenix. I'm sorry that bad plastic drag queen boobs brought up Phoenix. I'm sorry. I owe you all an apology. I know.

I've already spent too much time in Phoenix this weekend. I don't need to go revisit it in my brain. Although it was actually the most fun. It was the best weekend. Sorry. Yeah, Phoenix is a great place. Scott Steele is a really fun place, too. Phoenix is the best weekend. Sorry. Yeah, Phoenix is a great place. Scott Steele's a really fun place, too. Phoenix is a great town.

It's just Arizona needs to kick out their homophobic, racist fucking government. Yeah, exactly. Although, even though I just said that, I kind of love Sheriff Joe. I like that he's like, all right, illegals, here's a camp and here's some tents. You guys have fun now or get your driver's license. All right, when you can learn to read a book to me, I'll let you go. It's like, whoa, that's creepy and horrible. And I kind of love him.

He needs a show. Okay. You will get one. Yeah, he will one day. Real Housewives. I'm turning my pages like I wrote something and I didn't. I didn't write anything. Tamara just yelled a lot.

Okay, so Heather got bangs. She still looks fucking awful Oh someone posted on our Facebook page Something really cool that I'm sorry I can't remember And it'll take me too long of silence to look for it But it was a picture that Heather posted of herself On like lookalike.com

And it's her next to the evil mother from Coraline So I don't know if that's a sign That she listens to this show But god I hope not And if so Heather's sign that she listens to this show, but God, I hope not. And if so, Heather, stop being awful. Get that stick out of your ass, girl. Geez. Yeah, I think it's a sign that she has eyes.

She just looks herself in the mirror. Although I personally think she's more Maleficenty than anything else. She wishes. She wishes. Bitch wishes. She is no Angelina. Actually, you know who looked like Maleficent? Shelly from Game of Crowns when she put that wrap up in her hair and went off to the pageant.

She looked just like Maleficent. Oh, yeah. Well, she's beautiful. You can call her. It was like a beautiful Maleficent. It was more like the gerbil that Richard Gere shoved up his butt in the 80s. Like a Cheshire cat grin. Anyway.

Cheshire chat. She is the Cheshire chat. Yeah, she's the Cheshire chat grin. It's like the grin the cheshire cat makes while he's sharting thanks for having me andy i sharted on your couch oh it's funny because it's true oh oh so wait so what happened what these women are heather got things that that's that was the whole episode i was like wow, no, let's see. Pretty much, let's see.

Lizzie took a bunch of shots at Tamara, which I enjoyed personally because Tamara's so awful. And even though Lizzie has become kind of like a whiny sad sack, I still like when anyone piles on to Tamara. I do, too. And Tamara's ready for it. I mean, Tamara knew coming into this. Like, this is the woman who's deleted her Facebook page a few times because people are so awful on it. She had this thing for, God, I just read on stupidhousewives.com, which is where I go for most of my housewives gossip, y'all. Let me see if it's still on there. I read that she just took it down again today because people were so mean to her after watching the reunion that she was like, oh,, Tam balls, deletes Facebook page again.

LOL. She says that, uh, Eddie calls real housewives of orange County viewers, ignorant. Oh, please girl, please, please.

Um, but when she did have her Facebook up, she had something like coming to cut fitness for like a half, uh, you know, 50% off a class or something. And then the comments under it were like you're a cunt tamra it was kind of amazing but yeah tamra's awful and she came in ready to go

her face doesn't move but her eyes still squint and that nose still scrunches up and she looks more and more like a possum every day or an opossum if you're from the east or one of those beavers in the gutter that you see in your street one of those beavers i'm not a nature person okay guys it's okay it's okay so yeah everybody was ready to go at her lizzie i still can barely remember anything she said like i i don't know why she's here she needs to go um heather was totally showing up like our facebook page basically the word backpedaling is used a lot which is a perfect way to put it she just basically showed up ready to apologize and try and get out of it but the way heather apologizes is so rude and non-apologetic that it doesn't work because she's like well i'm

sorry but you know it was bigger in my head i guess than it really than it really was so i'm sorry but you were crazy and you were acting like this and you were giving me that look i'm like you just said you apologize and you're still accusing her of the same shit heather i know i mean she's i mean i get talking about heather makes my blood boil because she's so she doesn't even see the other side like she doesn't like you said she has like these rehearsed apologies

but I like how Shannon is sort of like well now notice that I accept your apology and that you only had to apologize once whereas I have to apologize over and over and over to Heather Dubrow yes I love the montage to apologize once whereas i have to apologize over and over and over to heather dubrow yes and by the way i love the montage of shannon calling heather heather dubrow

she's like well i i don't understand why i always have to do things for heather dubrow not a fan of heather dubrow how many times must i apologize to heather dubrow um yeah shannon i think, handled herself pretty well. The best part for me was when they brought the husbands out. They brought David and Terry out. And Terry is wearing, like, Frankenstein shoes. I don't know what he's doing. And he's obviously in the wrong with his Ruth Buzzy face.

And he's sitting there obviously wrong. Everybody knows he's wrong. And Terry's not an idiot. He's a smart person. So everybody knows he's wrong and terry's not an idiot he's a smart person so he knows he's wrong too but he's married to this awful frozen crotched ice queen and it's easier to be wrong on tv than right at home you know what i mean yeah yeah so he's doing whatever he can to stay on her side and that was pathetic and then david was nice he's like i apologized i meant it i mean what's the big deal david everyone talked about how hot david is yeah like he well he did look great

how much everybody everyone's like of course he everyone flirts with him he's hot and then shannon's just sitting there getting more and more pissed that everyone's calling her husband hot and i'm like you know terry's mad at someone at David saying, spread your legs to Heather. But no one's getting mad for poor Shannon that all these women are like calling her husband fuckable and saying they do him like it's a double standard, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And then Andy's like, well, what about Eddie? And then they show a clip of Eddie being like, yeah, right. I'm like, you write that toothpick at home, dude. Yeah.

Poke it like you poke a fucking stone with a stick or whatever. And he's like, well, Eddie's a friend. Yeah. But not only that, he's like, Eddie's a friend. And when he says it, he was talking about Heather and I doing it together. When David did it, David was like, you're so wrong on this can you just say sorry and he's like you were making sexually provocative comments at my wife i'm not saying sorry great it was it was truly frustrating tv to watch great point terry and then andy it's like he just has no way of telling the temperature of the season the best parts of the season weren't even shown

it was all like everyone's kid is leaving the house no one cares stop with these same fucking storylines you know what we just saw this on the past five housewives you've had on the air you fucking twat change the story let's stop talking about it i don't want to watch tamra fake cray again yeah or watch brianna on like a grainy Skype cam with baby Troy and baby Ethan or whatever his name is. Oh wait. Dropping more homely children into the world.

That's what we need. I know. Oklahoma should kick them out. They probably will at this rate if Vicky keeps her fucking mouth yapping. Well, I just would be very scared for when they go couch shopping god couch oh it's a little uh reference to last season sorry you're too smart for these shows no i'm dumb it down ben dumb it down i i'm trying my best trying my best um heather looks like a

puppet the de bros tripped over each other trying to back pedal i second the backpedaling oh and then there's also more brooks stuff i mean like i'm a little over tamra doesn't like brooks or whatever like i mean the only thing that was good about that was that vicky started to yell and you know when she yells she gets that crazy voice but like i'm really sick of the the reunions being the time when we hash out like tamra saying i like bricks for you i don't like him that much as a person and vicky's saying why does it matter who you'd like i didn't ask you what do you like about all and it's like over and over and over again every single year yeah it's the same thing over and over brooks is so gross

look here's why vicky stays with bro, okay? Because Vicky has square boobs. She has a terrible controlling personality. She found someone who tells her what she wants to hear and does her enough and lets her do her thing. And that's it. He'll sign a prenup. Like, the end. Like, you really don't need all that much in a relationship, you know? People make all these big checklists of what they need.

You need someone to fuck you and someone to be nice to you that's it i mean unless you're poor then you need someone rich but vicky's not poor so she just needs someone to fuck her and be nice to her if she's got him i mean the guy speaks in greeting cards yeah exactly and you know i actually trust that vicky is pretty smart about her money and she doesn't like to like part with it and so i don't think that brooks is gonna get his hands on her money oh no you know well she talked about having to give Don half of her business oh yeah she did not like doing that yeah and so you know that her ass is not doing anything without a prenup especially to someone who doesn't even pay his child support like she's not that stupid yeah no she knows what she's got she just doesn't

care like if you're a controlling person and you've got a toothless hick who can't even pay his child support you know he's not going anywhere that guy will be nice to you just because he knows he can go eat at the claim jumper later sometimes that's better than having like a real confident man with a career they're off fucking everybody else yeah losers guys date them yeah yeah well it worked out for gretchen she's never been happier yeah exactly um what else happened on this stupid fucking reunion tamra screaming at everything god tamra that's my opinion you're disgusting okay Tamara yelling it and like spewing venom

doesn't help your case it just makes you look crazier and especially because you're wearing earrings from Claire's she's Medusa Medusa face yeah she's pretty awful but we did not see the extent of it because she is really going to get it in this reunion you know she yeah and she's gonna you know it's not going to get her down she'll be

back and she's going to turn on i mean she's going to she'll next year it's heather heather's going to be in in uh tamra's crosshairs just you wait tamra knows tamra knows who to go against heather oh yeah because heather's the hated one this year? Yeah, Tamara will take Heather down. Well, not take her down. She'll just be awful to her. I think so, but she tried that this year, and it really didn't work out for her. Yeah, but it's only for a little bit, and then they wound up being allies against Shannon. But I think that Heather is one of those rare cast members of a Housewives show that actually believes she's real friends with them.

And I think that she, like, calls Tamara to go to dinner and stuff during the year. I think, like, she actually hangs out with or tries to hang out with Tamara. But that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Well, to Tamara. Yeah, that's true. We're talking about Tamara. Yeah.

Tamara will go after anything. Yep. So are we done with that is there more i don't remember what more there's nothing more than that i feel like there's more but yeah let's move on to melbourne melbourne real housewives of melbourne yeah um this show is so stupid okay i'm my one of my best friends aileen i was like you have to watch this show it's so good and she of course watched it in a day because she's unemployed right now too and she was like um that was the tackiest shit i've ever seen in my life and i was like but you watched them all in a row and she's like i have nothing to

do i don't want to get off the couch to like turn it off but it is the dumbest show and i still love it it is she i i feel like this latest episode was nothing but andrea being like i'm just trying to give some i'm just trying to give some advice i just like i i liked i like i'm a bad person growth and i just want to give some advice and that's all i want to do is the worst human being ever okay the fight was already solved and now they're at another person's birthday party and she brings up the fight again that she's not even in she's like well you know she brought it up at that girl's party and i didn't really like it and i think we need to talk about how she needs to stop trying to be a barrister in real life you know you're a barrister when you're in the courtroom but now you're in real

life i'm trying all i'm trying to do is give you some friendly advice and let you know that you're just coming out a little too hard you You know, you're a bastard. And I know you deal with facts. But you know what? These are your friends. This isn't the courtroom. And you have to be a little softer. That's all.

Just some friendly advice. But she starts it out by going, all right, girls, to the whole group gathered at the birthday party. She's like, all right, girls. So if your friend had some advice for you, would you want her to tell you? Or would you want her to keep it a secret? And they're like, oh, no, you should tell her. But, you know, in private, you know, pull her aside. In private and as gently as possible. Yeah.

And she's like, all right, well, Gina, it's you I'm talking about. And Gina's like, what? I don't feel like talking about this right now. Gina's like, of course it is. Easy target. Easy target. I'm going to go to the bathroom and talk about Lydia's book.

Oh, that shit was hilarious. So she's like, I'm not talking about this. I'm going to the toilets. So she goes with the other chick to the bathroom and i guess thinks her micro microphone is turned off because she's pooping but it's not and so you hear her going to the bathroom and she's like and you know what what about lydia what a cunt i'm gonna yeah

and that's a fact because i'm a bastard ideal facts so it's a fact that she's a cunt she's my favorite one she's so funny she's like i know i'm gonna tell her facts so it's a fact that she's a cunt she's my favorite one she's so funny she's like i know i'm gonna tell her you stupid cunt what you're going on about and then she goes back and andrew's still going on about like the advice and she's like well i don't jenny's like well i don't see why i have to change change who i am and what my feelings are what my brain is yeah she's like you can't change someone's brain at a party. Can't change someone's brain. And Janet's like, well, there goes my birthday.

Let's go to the love machine. She's like, I love going to the love machine because my ex-husband used to run it, my son runs it. And it's just sort of like, the love machine is like a home away from home. I don't think any of the other girls have been there. So I'm excited to show them the love machine. And again, my point from last week stands up that even the most mundane things that they say they announce them as they say them

in ways that they're telling like a cheeky joke like and then we got onto the limousine and that's sort of it she's like i'm really excited because now we're gonna go to the love machine i'm excited because tomorrow i'm gonna buy a lamp i can't wait tomorrow it's gonna be raining i just got back from the snow and i just learned that the mail has arrived i can't wait i love it we're gonna go to the love machine i don't think some of these girls knew what to do in the love machine oh my god so the love machine is this big club, and it's gay night, and it's all the drag queens.

She did that on purpose, you know? Where was Chica's husband? Oh, my God. Yeah, probably in the bathroom servicing. So everyone is, of course, think they're being mean. Like, Andrea thinks she's being mean. She's like, the difference between Gina and the drag queen is that the drag queen was taller well i

think it's andrew's like the worst joke teller she's the one last week who's making the priscilla queen of the desert jokes she's like the difference between gina and a drag queen is that the drag queen's a little taller i say that because gina wears a lot of makeup oh my god advice for you if you need to make a joke make sure you explain that afterwards a little friendly advice about personal growth that shit was so funny um but it was funny because she thinks she's being so mean but then it cuts to gina and gina's like oh i love the drag queens you know the hair the makeup they're like my sisters i feel like i'm at home yeah i'm at home and just like the only difference between gina and the drag queen is the spelling of their name gina

spelled g-i-n-a and the drag queen well i don't know their name but whatever it is i'll learn it and then you'll know that's the difference between two of them right oh my god so um the other big thing was that stupid andrea had a uh a party a focus group because she's writing a book about how you can have it all yeah how you can marry a rich fucking ugly dude that's how you can have it all. Yeah. How you can marry a rich fucking ugly dude. That's how you can have it all. Fucking hire you nannies and shit. Like you ever did anything. So she's got these lists that she makes for her multiple nannies.

And they're like checklists of shit that they have to do. Like put the kids to bed. Feed the kids. Water their plants. And she's going to make a book out of them. And the focus group is like this is just a list and frankly nanny shouldn't be doing all of this stuff these aren't nanny duties and she's like oh i keep the nannies after and i make them clean the kitchen for an hour later than the shift just some this is just some friendly advice for you

that you should have your nannies do a lot of work and if you're not doing that you get the wrong idea on what a what a man is supposed to do just a little friendly advice that's all kind of advice book is that not only like get a nanny because that is not a woman having it all okay that's a woman hiring out okay yeah it's an outsourcing bitch it's a woman having all the nannies because she has to go through them all because they probably are quitting after a day yeah well yeah she's like if they don't stay an hour later than their shift and clean the kitchen they're in trouble here's my tip here's my tip i hire a koala bear to be my nanny and never talks back to me because i can't even speak

it's koala bear ate one of the baby's heads off but frankly it was a loud baby so i didn't care i just had another bait another nanny come in and clean it up. The only time I had to fire my koala bear nanny was when it was eating its own shit, which is something that koala bears do. So I said, I don't like that around here. Stop kissing my children on my mouth, koala bear. I don't let my nannies kiss my babies on the lips because I don't want them getting cold soles. But here's a tip. Always hire nannies that have herpes they have nothing to live for they never they know they'll never have sex with someone else so they'll just be they'll take care of

your kids just don't have them kiss them sometimes you can't control your kid giving kisses on the lips to the nanny so the best thing to do is just get your nannies all sexually tested before they come into your home and then you don't have to worry if anything happens with your children that's in my book if you ever see a rash on your If you ever see a rash on your nanny, send them to the snow. Send them back to the snow. Which came first, the HPV or the baby? I don't know. That's a question for the nanny to answer.

It's on the list. It's all from the advice. You know what the only difference between a nanny and Gina is? It's that Gina's a barrister and a nanny's a nanny. Well, my favorite one is Janet. A, because she's like 80. And I think it's amazing that she's like, I'm going to fuck half the world. I love this.

Like, her whole storyline is fucking. I love it. And she's also like the nice one. It's like, why are these women being catty to each other it's ridiculous isn't it and then she goes straight like after the after the party she goes to someone else and she's like oh yeah well in the bathroom gina told me that you were writing a book about vaginas i'm like what i just like that jan is excited about everything she's like today it's my birthday So you know what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna have some yogurt She's like I'm really excited To have some yogurt Tomorrow I'm gonna Take the elevator Instead of the staircase I'm really excited

It's my birthday It's my special day So what I'm gonna do Is I'm gonna wear some sneakers I'm gonna wear some sneakers Whenever people show up She's like Hi girls She's so cute I like when she got her rings I'm going to wear some sneakers. Whenever people show up, she's like, hi, girls.

She's so cute. I like when she got her rings melted down. She's like, well, whatever. What's the psychic's name again? Lydia? No, not Lydia. Whatever her name is. Nicole?

Nicole. Is it? No, but I'm going to say it. It's like, Nicole told me I'm going to be getting rid of three pieces of jewelry. And it's so amazing because then I decide after that I'm going to go to the jeweler and give her the three pieces of jewelry. I'm like, lady, you're doing it because she told you to. It doesn't mean it's like – Yeah, she's not psychic.

But whatever. I'm so happy for her. I'm happy she got a nice ring. And she's great. I love Janet. Yeah, I love Janet too. But she went and started shit right after but i love oh and then they showed lydia oh lydia oh yeah she's an idiot she's like she's like this

piece is named after the mona lisa which is of course in london's louvre the louvre of london and she's like looks to the side that's right right no she's like that's right you know as we all know the louvre which is in london and you know i remember the first time i went to the eiffel tower which as we all know is in finland she's ridiculous so she's going to get art she's like well you know going to the snow house in tuareg just all it did was inspire me to buy some more art for the snow house and so she's like going and it's these animals that are like plaster and covered in glitter and she's like oh that's gorgeous i want them both how much how much for the star fm snake fifty thousand dollars that's pretty reasonable actually oh god she's like what does

it represent she's like well you know the moon and the black the black cat because the cat comes out at night like you don't fucking know what you're talking about lady just be quiet i love i love how tranquil the puma is it's very relaxed it's just like lying there it's very sublime and i love that she made another reference to the men in her house she's like oh yeah in my home with all those gorgeous men i was like ew stop fucking your son stop it oh god oh god and i think that was it for that one right yeah i think that's that's oh no and then actually there was also this hilariously ridiculous scene where the psychic and her silver chair husband they went and like i think they were painting the artwork that's going to go on the bottle of their whatever wine it is.

I think they might be making Moscato or they're calling it like La Moscato or something like that. So they went and there was some artist who had drawn something on a canvas. And then they were like dipping these flowers and paint and were like spraying it on there. And like they were totally like having this moment. I feel like I'm really releasing a lot of energy. I feel like all the things in my life are coming out right now. They're all coming out on this moment. I feel like I'm really releasing a lot of energy. I feel like all the things in my life are coming out right now. They're all coming out on this canvas. I feel like this is going to be a beautiful piece of art.

I'm like, Pollock is rolling over in his grave. He's like, I wish I could take back all my splatters. Yeah, no kidding. Anybody who's ever murdered somebody is like, Ugh! They're ruining my beautiful work So stupid

Yeah I think that's it though You know what This was a great time Ben This was really fun It was so so great So wonderful Ben So wonderful Alright everybody

This was Watch What Crappens That you just listened to So thanks Come back next week Come to our Facebook page Facebook.com Watch What Crappens that you just listened to. So thanks. Come back next week. Come to our Facebook page, facebook.com, Watch What Crappens, to talk to us throughout the week. And you can find me, Ronnie Karam, at Ronnie Karam on Twitter, Vine,

Facebook, whatever, or TrashTalkTV.com, or YouTube.com, slash TrashTalk, T-E-E-V-E-E. B-Side Blog is B-SideBlog.com, or at B-Side Blog on Twitter, Vine, Instagram, and the rest of the internet. And if you go look at my Instagram right now, you might just find a video of a dancing Katie did that I took. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's a little bug was dancing on a car roof. Oh, you know what? I want to tell you. First of all, do you want to talk about Big Brother for five seconds? Yeah, for five

seconds, sure. But I wanted to tell you that Dancing Bug was so cool. I was in my closet because I record music in my closet for fun. That's like my hobby. And I can only sing in my closet because my neighbors can hear me. And there was this daddy longlegs hanging upside down on one of the shelves and I was singing right at it because that's where my mic is. And it started

bouncing up and down to the rhythm of what I was doing. And I was was high but i thought it was the coolest fucking thing i ever saw and i whipped up my phone to try and tape it and of course it stopped and i couldn't get it to do it again and then the next day and i was telling my friend tricia and she was like whatever that i don't believe you and then the next day you posted that so thank you for at least proving that they do understand rhythm and they can dance back with us. Isn't that amazing? The animal world, guys?

Well, to be fair, it was already dancing and then I provided the rhythm. Oh, I thought it was following your rhythm. No, it was supposed to be. I was going to just record it walking around because it was just like walking around and sort of being cute. And then it just sort of started dancing. And so I started to dance. Oh, so I am crazy. Oh, so I am crazy. No, you are actually crazy.

Yeah, maybe I'm just crazy. Okay, Big Brother, what do you think? Go. You know, it's such a bummer whenever they have twists where someone comes back in the house and you're ready for them to shake it up and then they just wind up on the block. I think, you know, I understand why the detonators

have put Donnie and Nicole up on the block and, you know block and – because like why cannibalize your own when there are others to be taken out? But it's always such a short-sighted strategy because when these outsiders are gone, they're going to have to cannibalize themselves. And you actually – it's better to strike first and have like an army of people behind you because you know cody is banking on derek and um frankie and caleb are together and you've got victoria in there and it's like why let your fate be decided in such uncertain terms as who wins hoh why not strike first and take out a truly big threat i mean donnie is a big threat actually don't get me wrong he is a big threat well he would win the vote probably but donnie's a terrible player like he's really funny but he's just awful like every move that he's made has been

terrible he's telling everybody the wrong things they're all talking when he knows they're in an alliance and they're going to be talking to each other yeah he's just really really a horrible player but he's really funny and this week he's been super snarky about everything going on and he's just started kind of telling everybody off and like little funny ways and it's hilarious and i'm hoping they edit it into the show because i've been reading the live feed stuff like um i'm trying to think of something good he said i can't even think of it but like they they were talking about one time when victoria uh was on slop and he was like, well, you know, Victoria, the rest of us go

on slop and it's like, we look unhealthy and we start losing all this weight and you don't. Oh, God. Stuff like that. It's like when he told Cody when he told Cody, he's like, here, all season long, all season long, I thought you were just

some stupid kid. Turns out you're a genius. And Cody's like, what the fuck? You're blowing smoke up my ass and you're insulting me at the same time. And I'm HOH. So funny. Well, it's his way of being like, screw you. He knows they're not going to keep him anyway.

But this Frankie Grande thing is killing me. It's making me crazy i have to like and and how is it that he's in everyone's good graces again like why did everyone forget that the entire house wanted him out two weeks ago and everyone's like yeah let's go back after johnny and nicole well when he said that he was going to use his sister's fame to like keep him in the house i thought that is the dumbest move nobody's gonna fall for that and they all fell for it yeah they did like caleb really thinks he's gonna be dating justin bieber after this yeah and uh by the way that if that article that we were just referring to earlier

in the podcast about ariana grande uh has any legitimacy we know that none of these people are gonna be hanging out with ariana including perhaps frankie oh yeah she's gonna be like i'm sorry i'm done with you and he's embarrassing i think he's bringing a lot of negative attention to her because she was she had nothing but positive positive attention before this show now people are like what a dumb bitch look at this article oh by the way where was she did she ever park her car uh you know let me text it's so bad that we're telling shit about our very own guests hold on ariana are you here she may be she may be my building has a very confusing uh hallway situation so she may be in the hallway i'm sure she'll be here any second okay well should we just hang up yeah i mean maybe we should you know i i really wanted

superstar ariana grande to be on this podcast but i'm we should, you know, I really wanted superstar Ariana Grande to be on this podcast, but I'm just afraid that, you know, the podcast has to go out. So, I mean, we can't wait for her. All right. So we'll just hope that she can come back next week. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. I think she'll understand. She's taking a very long time to park and everything. Okay.

Well, everybody, thanks so much for listening. We will talk to you next week yeah bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie watts todd glass Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more.

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