Watch What Crappens - #147: On a Float? You're Awful!
Episode Date: October 8, 2014Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) are back to talk crap about Real Housewives of Melbourne, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Below Deck and the new Manzo'd With Children!... Join in! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey, everybody. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all the crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? you, Ben. It is more lovely to talk to you. I know, right?
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Tastemade, I'm sure.
I'm sure you're on Tastemade these days. I'll get on there. Yes, well, let, I'm sure. I'm sure you're on taste made these days.
Duolingo.
I'll get on there.
Yes, well, let's get on there.
I'm going to get on everything.
I'm even on Ello now, but I only have one friend.
Oh, yeah.
Ello.
I don't know.
I don't have time for that.
Yeah, me neither.
That's why.
It's like Facebook's without ads.
I'm like, I like the ads because I get the hot gay guys without any clothes on on the side of my page.
They're like, Ronnie, do you want to date this guy?
He's in your neighborhood. Then I click a thing and give it my credit card number.
By the way, Elo, enjoy having
no ads because you're going to have ads.
That's just the way it works. That's the way the internet works.
You're going to have ads.
It's like when cable came out and they're like, if you pay for cable,
you're not going to have to watch ads anymore. Then a year later, they're like, sorry, but you have to have ads. Yeah. It's like when cable came out and they're like, if you pay for cable, you're not going to have to watch ads anymore.
And then like a year later, they're like, sorry, but you have to watch ads now.
And now you're paying more for cable than you are for any of your utilities.
And you're still having to watch a shit ton of commercials every day.
Thank you.
I tried watching On Demand, by the way, this week because I just recently got cable back.
Thanks to you guys.
And you have to watch the commercials on On Demand shows.
I know you can't fast forward. That's bullshit. I'm not using it at all that's stupid yeah oh anyway so ben and i are also doing this patreon.com uh slash watch what crappens thing
and that is where you guys can come subscribe for extras we do a bonus episode which we just
finished recording so yeah one dollar if you do $1 an episode, you get a bonus episode.
If you get two, you get a bonus episode plus like a, what is it, Ben?
What's the $2 thing?
Here.
Okay, so basically if you donate $1 on Patreon, $1 per episode,
then you get access to our bonus episode, which as Ronnie said, we just recorded.
It was really fun.
We talked about all sorts of Bravo gossip.
If you submit,
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Thursday at 7pm
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if you're on the West Coast. And y'all in the middle
gotta figure that shit out
so we're gonna be doing that, really excited
make sure you
sign on early, because I think Google Hangouts
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just come to our Facebook
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issues for the first 10 minutes you know because that's what always happens i didn't tell me do
something new like that so apologies in advance um but we're i'm actually really looking forward
to it um you know people can um write questions we're just gonna be live guys just be a hangout
it's gonna be cool to hang out with you guys in real time.
If you have webcams, make sure you turn them on
because we can actually bring you into the conversation.
We can all talk together.
I think up to like 10 people at a time.
Yeah, up to 10 people, yeah.
We can chat.
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We can share stories and secrets.
Yeah, it'll be fun, you guys.
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every week right now we do one plus a bonus we will go up to two with a bonus. So that would be
really exciting. And we're already up to $425.
We're nearly halfway there,
which is astounding. So really, thank you everyone.
Yeah, thank you guys, because at that rate
we could be doing two shows
by the time Bravo gets good again.
This November and
January when Beverly Hills
is supposed to come back. Because right now
they are slacking off on this fucking
channel. Oh my god. I know.
And in January, by the way, so we have
two announcements. These are not advertisements.
We're not asking anything of anyone. But
in January, it looks like
we're going to be doing a live show at the
Improv in Hollywood. The date has yet
to be nailed down, but it looks like
that's going to happen. So we're
really excited about that so
if you guys want to see this live just mark your calendars tentatively it'll be it'll be a sunday
whatever we don't know which sunday yet and then also um we want to thank everyone who voted for
us uh in the la weekly best podcast poll we did not win um we were up against the people who won
are like the creators of the
chapelle show so i mean how do we they have like they have like superstar guests on there there's
they have like chris rock on there so there's no way we can uh compete with that really but
really it was really awesome that you guys all voted so thanks thanks you guys
and i think that's that's it for uh the housekeeping yeah that's it thanks for
everything you guys so that's the for the housekeeping. Yeah, that's it. Thanks for everything, you guys.
So that's the show.
Thanks, everyone.
Bye, everybody.
Thanks.
We'll talk to you on the private Patreon page.
Just kidding, guys.
It's still free, damn it.
Okay, so let's get on with the bravs.
All right.
We have a lot.
So we started.
We've talked about some stuff already, but I do have to ask you some certain things.
For example, did you hear? what was I going to say?
Hold on.
Did you hear, did you hear?
Oh, did you see the previews for Euros of Hollywood?
Yes.
I didn't even know this show was coming.
That motherfucker Ryan Seacrest again.
No, it's not.
Actually, I know for a fact it's not.
Not as if it's secret information. But this is from 19 Entertainment, the people who brought us American Idol.
Oh my god, this show is going to be a maze town. I'm going to love it. The preview is some girl going, oh, what is the thing you put the gas for? It's the noozle? It's the noozle, you put the gas in the noozle. I was like oh, my God. I'm going to be able to watch this show for 24 hours a day every day.
I know.
It's like the one woman with the big tits.
She's like, in Albania, if I have a problem, I just call the prime minister.
Well, I think it looks hilarious.
It's going to be really good.
And this show isn't even kidding around.
It's just like, just give me a bunch of white people.
I don't care.
Give me a bunch of white people with funny accents.
Make sure they're thin.
I don't even care how they look.
Just make sure they're thin and they have accents.
Okay?
I'm like, okay.
Sounds great.
We'll put it on Bravo.
I know.
Put it on the old Bravo.
I'm so, so excited.
How do I put gas in my car?
I cannot wait for you, show. I cannot wait for you, Heroes of Hollywood.
There's that one guy who was like, he was like, he's like, people in America are trying everything.
And he's like in the middle of a target.
It's like shot.
It really was like Stefan.
He looks like Stefan.
We have already discussed Kelly's penis, which was shown this week.
You can find the link on our Facebook page.
But I'm scrolling through this because you guys post so much funny news on here.
I'm scrolling through it to look for stuff that you guys have been talking about.
And there's this picture of Kelly from Below Deck with this gigantic crucifix on his arm.
What is with buff guys putting crucifixes on their arm we've seen it on big
brother with two of the guys it's like that is that a trend i mean what the hell if you're so
christian what are you taking dick pics for and putting them on the internet in europe we don't
do that we don't do that we put a tattoo of rosewater i don't know i don't know what that
means i'm sorry i just don't get it y'all realize that that's what we killed jesus on right i mean why is that on your arm it's not well you saw that it's not a
compliment it's like remember where i killed you jesus yeah it's on my arm nick cannon uh he uh he
put a giant cross on his back to cover up his mariah tattoo so i guess now jesus is your beard
so no one will know you were married to an old lady. Get out of here. That's stupid.
I've never understood that.
My sister is, like, super Christian, and she's got all these crucifixes in her house.
Like, she's got a wall of crosses, and they're so pretty.
They're, like, all fancy.
You know, all these different artists do these real fancy ones.
Like, there's ones with, like, gold-plated shit all over it and, like, the fleur-de-lis and all that stuff. And, like, you understand that jesus probably looks at this and he's like why would i want to hang out in your living room like don't even pray
because literally you're inviting me to my living room to like remind me of where i got crucified
thanks a lot bitch i know it's funny i was walking in hollywood the other day and i saw
get it you're like why would i want to hang out with this cross?
I was walking in Hollywood and there were some really religious Asian people who like to walk around with crosses and a megaphone.
And I was like, you know, the cross is supposed to be the symbol of Christianity.
And you're wielding it in such a menacing way and but truth be told it was like actually
a form of like torture and death
it's like I had a very similar
thought just yesterday
threatening to kill me get the fuck out of here with that
it's like I never understood why the
Ku Klux Klan or just racists in general would
like burn the cross on someone's
yard I'm like that's your symbol
like shouldn't you be like if you're being
if you're being like crazy racist shouldn't you like be like putting up some like scare like a black scarecrow and
lighting on fire like that would make more sense in terms of like racist logic right but you're
actually just lighting your own like sacred imagery on fire what's wrong with you well no
one ever accused the kkk of being intelligent yeah that's thank god god bless their hearts and
by the way
i'm not endorsing putting a black scarecrow on someone's lawn and lighting on fire yeah of course
but i mean come on i mean those people wear sheets what you can't you can't i know you just
can't all right let's just back away from the crucifix discussion i don't know why we started
with this except that there's all these dudes with these fucking crucifixes and i don't get it
it's like okay you're trying to like have sex in bar with somebody, and you've got a big old cross.
It's like, don't you believe that you shouldn't be having sex?
I'm so confused!
Or sex before marriage, whatever.
Okay, anyway, so let's move on.
If you are sexy and muscular, do not get a crucifix tattoo or a tribal tattoo.
And I know that all the sexy, muscular guys listen to this podcast, so you're but those are the those are two different rules and if you're a woman don't get
a tramp stamp if you've got one listen it's okay but yeah if you need something for someone to read
while they're fucking you from behind you're not interesting enough okay that's like when cereal
boxes try and put games and shit on the back of the box it's because they don't taste good enough
and they're trying to confuse you by like entertaining you while you're eating them okay be more entertaining and stop putting
fucking shit on your back to read while we're doing you all right so so blind people are screwed
when it comes to cereal that's what you're saying pretty much i mean blind people actually probably
eat good cereal because they're not tricked by all the games on the back you know they're going
to go for coco pus because they're good not because there's a fucking maze on the back so i'm gonna look for the cereal that says number one for blind
people yes blind people approved nine out of ten i mean it'll probably be the peanut butter
cap and crunch or that cookie that cookie one or fruity pebbles they don't make that much effort
no more they barely even put it in a big box. They'd like sell it to you in these tiny boxes
now. Anyway.
I don't know why we're talking about this stuff.
Okay.
We're just excited to think about Kelly's penis.
Seriously. That thing
like that's
I think every white guy
simultaneously cheered
and also bowed their head in shame because that's
rough to compete with. I mean next time next time people on the yacht want to go down the slide they just have to have
kelly standing at the edge and take down his pants let that thing flop down to the water
yeah and slide down it yeah they can stop complaining about that damn slide okay what
show do you want to talk about first being it's ben's choice today oh my god why don't we actually
start with the jo and Teresa interview?
Because that was...
What did I do?
What?
Huh?
You know, you know, like, what?
What?
What I got to say?
I got to say.
What I got to do?
What you got to do?
I got to do what I got to do.
I mean, whatever.
Huh?
What?
Huh?
Yeah.
That was basically, that was actually my first note that I had.
I said, Joe is constantly like, I mean, I don't know.
You know, it is what it is.
You know?
I don't know.
She didn't, you know?
Well, you know, Joe is constantly like, I mean, I don't know. You know, it is what it is. You know, I don't know. She didn't, you know. Well, you know, it is.
Last time we talked about was when, you know, you know, so, you know, I mean, that's what it is.
So, you know, I would have liked it if, you know, but, you know.
But, you know, it is what it is.
You do what you do.
What happens happens.
It goes how it goes.
You know, going is going.
Up is down.
Down is up.
Down is up.
Up is down.
Around, around.
Up, down.
Like, okay, thanks, Joe.
Thanks for coming. He's also become a very heavy breather. He's like,
well,
you know,
what can you do?
He's like Guido Vader.
May the fraud be with you.
May the fraud be with you um my first note is andy's opening pout okay oh yeah okay listen
now i have a lot of rude things to say about andy cohen i know it and i know a lot of people
love him and you know what andy cohen makes some of the best entertainment um and obviously i've
based a large part of my life watching what he does so
i'll i'll say that up front so i'm not a total hypocrite but this interview is why arnie cohen
makes me fucking crazy he is the worst okay first of all he's having these people on who were
sentenced like that morning it was like that morning or the day before he starts by like
crinkling his eye like he's going oh like that look like when something like when you've hurt your toe or when you've gained 50 pounds and your friends haven't seen you in a while.
And they're just looking at you like, aww.
And he starts like that and he's like, how are you guys doing?
And then his biggest question of the night was, but you like hair and makeup.
What are you going to do in prison?
I almost punched the fuck out of my tv when he said that i was like really andy if you can't do this job ask somebody that knows
how to do it to at least feed you questions like who's coming up with this shit i know
well what i thought was funny is just how like it's called watch what watch what happens one
on one i mean it's like serious the light was like darker it's like the light was, like, darker. It was like the Frost and Nixon moment.
And I'm like, I was like,
I just think it's funny
that they suddenly decided
to get very serious in this show
when normally, like,
what you would tune in to expect
would be like,
okay, Teresa,
so when you go to jail,
like, what sort of girl
do you want to bunk with?
How big do you think
her boobs are going to be?
Let's do the Teresa goes to jail game.
Do you think your roommate in jail
is going to have an ass like Luann?
Or do you think she's going to have an ass like
Kim Zolciak
Spin the wheel
Every time we say drop the soap
Everyone has to drink
And I was like no
Now we're going to be serious
Every time we say somebody's been raped by a plastic bottle
That they stole from the cafeteria
That once held milk
Drink
You know what it is that they stole from the cafeteria that once held milk. Drink!
Yeah, you know what?
It is what it is, you know?
I don't know. It's like the longest code word ever.
I know.
Every time Joe mumbles something saying it is what it is,
I mean, you know, drink!
I mean, it is what it is.
I don't know, you know?
Well, one good thing about this entire debacle
is that Teresa's getting a receiving hairline. And I think that that's like a gift from God. You know? Well, one good thing about this entire debacle is that Teresa is getting a receding hairline.
And I think that that's like a gift from God.
You know?
It's like she's finally stressed out enough to get a normal hairline.
You can see it going.
And you know what?
It's about time.
Congratulations.
She, you can, man, she has aged a lot in the past year.
It is really showing on her.
I mean, I'm sure all, like all years of sun damage did not help either,
but it is all
falling apart. I think she did something to her lips.
Something she looked a little different,
right? Well, I
think she was trying not to punch Andy
because apparently he pulled...
They were trying to sell for more money. I mean, there's
so many rumors, and Andy was denying
that he paid this much money, but
online it was saying that Andy paid this much money but online it was saying that
andy paid like 350 000 for this interview which almost paid the restitution but then he was on
twitter saying oh there's so many lies about stuff today don't believe anything you're reading so
rotho doesn't have that money no kidding they don't pay that for an entire season of one of
these shit shows so i don't know about that but i think that he just has her under contract so i think he probably stopped her
from making big money on other interviews because she's under contract with bravo so
he not only did that he asked really rude questions and i don't know it just seems
i get that you do that on the reunions and stuff,
but I don't know. It's always...
I guess that's what kind of has always bugged me
about that whole thing.
It seems like they should be on the housewife's side,
and instead they're, like, cackling with glee
whenever something bad happens to one of them, you know?
Well, I did not mind that he asked rude questions
because they committed fraud.
And one thing that annoyed me is
that when they tried to describe it they still weren't really taking full responsibility you
know they were like well you know teresa's well teresa goes her big lesson is like i i do need
to read things before i signed them and you know sometimes i need to learn about things and i need
to know what's happening in my life i'm like like no shit sherlock you know it's called being an
adult but then but she was like yeah i just you know i signed you know what the banks would give us you
know and joe's like yeah you know well you know get something from the bank and you know uh she
had better credit than me so i just have her sign it i'm like no no you committed fraud don't act
like you just got some forms from the bank and it just happened to be a fraudulent situation you
just sign it because they give it to you and then you sign and and and andy did kind of calm on that a little bit
not not too aggressively but he was kind of like yeah but you were committing fraud like you're
you were like it's not just like you just got stuff from the bank like well that stuff doesn't
because you should be asking those kind of questions during this interview the things
that bug me are when he says things like oh oh, Joe, how much are your suits?
You know, because he's like, Teresa, you carried a $3,000 bag and you're saying you're broke.
And she's like, well, I didn't pay for that.
And he's like, well, Joe, how much are your suits?
And he's like, oh, that's two for one from the men's warehouse or whatever.
Joe actually wanted to know.
And he's like, how much do you pay?
And Andy's like, well, I pay taxes on my suits.
You know, that's a cunty thing to say. And's not the point like you're not here to like be a cunt
to joe like you're supposed to be a fucking interviewer we're here to be cunts to joe
but you're supposed to be like an interviewer no you know what i mean i agree but that's because
they were trying to call out andy and one thing we know is that andy does not like to be called
out but he wasn't he wasn't calling out andy andy was being a bitch he's like how much were your suits joe no no joe said no no joe said
he's like uh ask me how much i paid for my suit and so andy's like okay how much did you pay for
your suit and then joe's like well so joe actually came it came off questioning where andy was like
well how much do you spend on this and how much do you spend on that i mean look if you can get
me to feel defensive towards the judices you're really an ass you're really a fucking idiot because i think they're
i think that those two are horrible but andy really had me on their side because i feel like
he was just being a fucking asshole i was not on their side and in fact i was also just getting i
was getting really angry that again it was a situation where um we're almost meant to feel
sorry for them and you start to feel sorry as they talk about their daughters, their daughters, their daughters.
And it's like, gosh, that does suck.
And I feel so bad for the daughters.
Oh, this is terrible.
And I'm like, no, no.
These people did this.
They committed.
And they're like, well, it was years ago before the housewives.
If that makes any difference.
Like, you committed fraud.
Like, you just, like, that's, like, unacceptable.
I mean, I felt bad for them.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I felt bad for them.
Well, you know, one time when I was having dinner with my father, he said he was feeding us spaghetti.
And when he threw it at my mother's head, it was actually noodles made out of zucchini.
Do you know how much that traumatized us?
It was fraud.
Okay.
Well, one time, one time, Geraldine Parsons-Smith came over, okay?
And she said she was going to bring over some mozzarella, okay?
But you know what she brought over?
She brought over some Gouda, all right?
And I said, you know what, Geraldine Parsons-Smith?
This is not mozzarella.
What you have done is you have defrauded me.
You've given me the wrong cheese.
I'm sorry.
It's the wrong cheese.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I mean, look. I feel bad because as dumb as they are and as idiotic as they are, you get to know them watching them on TV.
I mean, I can stomach anybody.
I mean, Frankie Grande I can stomach because I've seen him on the whole show, like 40 episodes of TV.
Like, I could even stomach him at this point because I'm used to him.
Sidebar, I had a dream that Frankie Grande was in.
I'm not going to say I had a dream about Frankie Grande, but I had a dream I was watching a football game and he was like a wide receiver on an NFL team.
And he like caught a ball for a touchdown.
And I was like, oh, fuck this guy.
He's going to be so cocky, even more cocky than ever.
That was my dream.
Oh, my God.
You said cocky and wide receiver in one sentence about Frankie Grande.
You see what he drives us to?
I know.
The widest receiver out there.
So, yeah, so I do feel bad for them to a degree just because I know them and I feel bad about their kids and I don't want their kids growing up all trouble.
Like, I feel bad.
I feel bad for the kids.
I feel bad for the kids because the kids are innocent and all this.
And it's terrible to be young
and you don't really know what's going on
and your mom gets taken away
and then your dad.
And then the article,
I think actually I posted an article
on our Facebook page,
facebook.com forward slash watch for crap-ins.
I posted an article written by a,
I think it was a former assistant attorney general or a current assistant attorney general detailing the case
and saying that it's highly likely that Joe is going to be deported.
This is always, I thought to me, like an extreme thing.
But apparently, because Joe has now been found guilty of this major felony,
and because he has never been a citizen,
the rules are that once you're done with your term, you have to be deported.
And this assistant attorney general said that he's seen this happen many times
where people have been a green card holder for all their lives.
They don't have any family or attachments in their home country.
But because they never applied to be a citizen, this is what happened.
But what's sad is that Joe had all this time to become a citizen, to apply,
even after the charges came up.
Well, that's the thing. I don't understand.
I mean, there's like a lot of little points we can go over with this.
But the basic thing that got me from the entire show is how stupid they are.
I mean, look, it's obvious that they're stupid.
We know that.
But they're really, really stupid.
And I don't think that all of it was they didn't.
I think a lot of it was they really didn't understand a lot of the things like when they're refiling their paperwork they're about to be
thrown in jail and they they commit fraud on that paperwork too and withhold and withhold
and then they're saying it was the lawyer's fault and you know they're just doing whatever
the lawyer said and i'm like wow you guys are really dumb and Teresa's Andy said well but Teresa I don't
understand why you would make a plea like why you would plea this out if you weren't guilty and
she's like well you know I didn't know what it meant and he said what do you mean you don't know
what it meant she's like I don't I didn't know what that meant like what a plea meant um I just
thought it meant you know the lawyers just told me, you know, you say what it is, and then your lawyers are supposed to take care of you.
And so I did it.
I was like, oh, my God.
So it's like she's basically putting herself in that position.
And I don't even know that it's bad legal advice because they're right.
But of course your lawyer is going to tell you, look, you can get 30 years for each count, and you've got 30 against you.
So it might be better just to do a year you know but yeah and but and i think i i'm going to assume that the
lawyers said okay we need to see x y and z and they gave them x and y you know like and like
the lawyers if the if the lawyers can only control so much. If...
Uh-oh.
We're having a moment.
A moment where I'm alone.
Waiting for Ben to come back to me.
Ben, come back to me. Okay. I'm here.
Yay, it worked. You see, guys?
Whenever you're in doubt, musicals.
Musicals will solve everything.
So what I was
saying was that if the lawyers
ask for all the revenue
and Joe and Teresa only provide a
certain amount, and the lawyers
don't know about another
stream of revenue, then
it's not the lawyer's fault.
I actually
think the reason why they keep saying that they didn't
realize, they didn't realize, we didn't know,
I guess we have to learn, I think it's
because they want to
for their kids,
they don't want to create this impression that they did
something bad. They want to
just be like, oh, we were uninformed and let that be a lesson.
I actually feel like that's probably a motivating force.
Well, some of the favorite things that have been said in here was when Andy tells Teresa, did you learn anything?
And she says, well, I don't read contracts every day, so I need to get better at that.
Which is hilarious because I can just imagine her in jail.
And they're like, Teresa, do you need toothpaste?
And she's just like, could you get me some contracts so I can practice?
I need to leave here better with reading words on pages.
Stupid.
I love when she said how much she's changed.
She's like, no, I would buy a used home.
Oh, my God.
Poor Teresa. She's my God. Poor Teresa.
She's so stupid.
So stupid.
By the way, I love Paula Jones, one of our listeners.
Her comment on the article about why Joe would get deported, she goes, I'd rather be deported to Italy.
Hashtag dream come true.
I'm like, yeah, actually, that's a wonderful thing.
Well, that's what I was kind of thinking about the joe situation was joe's probably gonna let himself be deported on purpose because
according to that article that was posted he will get deported because he you have to get deported
when you have a felony and just a green card you can't stay in the country it's like against the
rules so i wouldn't be surprised if he's doing that on purpose just to get the hell out of here
i mean the american dream's not really working out for joe apparently he thought the american
dream was just like taking shit and rolling around in it and unfortunately it's not how it
works and he's probably like fuck this i'll just go live on a farm in fucking italy for ten dollars
and be done with it where he can where he can crash his car all he wants and drink five whiskey shots afterwards because he was so nervous.
Yeah, no one's going to pull over his mule.
Yeah.
By the way, another thing the article said was that one of the reasons why they got such a harsh sentence is, A, because they were fraudulent in the things they had to turn in right before the sentencing.
And then also because the judge said,
listen, I think, Teresa, you're a very good mother,
but you are a high-profile case.
And unfortunately, because you're high-profile,
we have to show people through your example
that if you don't file your taxes and do this or that,
you will go to jail.
And so one of our listeners, Gene Beaton-Levitt,
said, I feel bad for them because they're on bravo tv they are quote unquote high profile that's ridiculous
make examples of the predatory lenders why don't you i would like to see at least one go to jail
for 41 months i don't disagree with that but i think that's that's something that a lot of people
that basically anybody defending joe and theresa right now in comments, and this is on our site, on Trash Talk TV, like anybody who's coming forward to defend them is saying the exact same thing.
They're like, but what about the banks?
They did it.
No one cares.
It's like, that's true.
And we should do something about that.
But we don't get to just all steal money from people.
And they weren't just stealing money from banks.
They were defrauding people.
They were putting people out of business, small family businesses out of business because
they were stealing from them and robbing them blindly.
And you can't just say like, oh, I care about their family, so we should get the banks instead
when they're ripping off other families and putting them out of business and ruining their
lives.
Like, that's not cool.
It's not just a big bank with insurance, you know.
I also question our judicial system when they actually consider Bravo TV high profile.
Well, in the judge's defense, she also said, I was considering giving you a lenient sentence and then you lied again.
Yeah, I think that's really the worst of it.
You can have a pack of lies again. It's like, I can't, you're making it impossible to be lenient with you because you lied again yeah i think that's really the impact of lies again it's
like i can't you're making it impossible to be lenient with you because you keep fucking lying
they cannot tell the truth you know and it's it's yeah yeah it's gross um but uh a couple of my
other favorite andy lines besides what are you going to do about your hair and makeup in prison
um one of my other favorite ones was theresa are you depressed because you seem
depressed really andy she just got fucking sentenced to prison you fucking fuck wit and
then he says then he says uh later on he says but what about your temper theresa do you think you're
gonna get into fights in a prison and she's like no she looked like she was gonna fucking punch him
in the face she's like no and he's like really she was going to fucking punch him in the face. She's like, no.
And he's like, really?
Because you pushed me at that reunion.
Oh, my God, Cracker, please.
Please.
You're lucky you didn't get your ass beat at that reunion.
You shouldn't have been standing up.
Oh, that guy makes me crazy.
He makes me crazy.
I can't.
And then Joe's like, yeah, what if a dyke comes after you?
Oh, my God, these people.
For the record, she will lose her temper in prison, and it'll be hilarious.
Yeah, it's going to be amazing. Like, if any housewife is going to go to prison and, like, be the queen of it, it's going to be her.
I wouldn't fuck with her.
She's from Patterson.
Don't you forget.
She's from Patterson, bitch.
Oh, and then he goes further and says, she's like, no, no, I'll be okay.
And he's like, but aren't you sad?
She's like, I'll be okay.
And he's like, but you're not thinking how I'm going to be physically in this place for 15 months.
Okay, Aaron.
Like, enough.
Like, I get it.
You get my point.
But Jesus Christ with her.
And what happened to part two?
Wasn't this a two-parter?
Part two is on Thursday.
Oh.
I don't know, guys. I mean, what
else can they say?
Well, no. He's going
to ask... Andy's going to ask
Teresa if she's mad at Joe
for putting her in that position.
And he's also asked Joe about deportation.
Slow sigh. Slow sigh.
Slow sigh.
Yeah.
That's what I've got for that.
Speaking of slow sighs, should we talk about Manzo'd with Children?
Yes.
That is a really long sigh.
That is a long, drawn-out sigh.
A long, wheezy sigh.
You know, so here are my impressions.
I mean, here are my general impressions.
I know you didn't ask for them, but I'm going to give them to you anyway.
No way. Hold on.
Ben, what are your impressions?
Oh, thank you so much for asking, Ronnie.
You are such a good co-host.
You are so good.
Okay, tell me.
After the first half an hour was done, I was like,
you know, as far as these sort of
shows go, it's not the worst
it's not something i would normally tune in for but it's you know it's fine it's pleasant enough
you know but then you know because it was like two episodes uh by the time i was done with the
second episode i was like this is too much like i'm glad it's a half an hour i can't i could not
watch like an hour's worth of this every week um and i also kind of feel like the show kind of feels like
this family that thinks
they're a lot more entertaining
than they really are.
You know?
Like, they are entertaining
compared to other families,
but they seem to be, like,
aware that they have these, like,
hijinks and silly things,
and they sort of think
that everything they do is as entertaining to the rest of the world as it is to each other you know so i
kind of just like that about this family never i mean the first scene is them playing ball
and the guys are like oh yay you're touching my balls
i mean if we're gonna if we're gonna compare this to something like Charity for the Party, I like this
I don't know, I think I like this more than
Charity for the Party, but then
I don't, I mean, I think Kim Zolciak's
a legitimately hilarious human being
that's the thing
so that's why I go back and forth
she's legit funny, I think
and it's funny because the first half an hour
the first show, I was like
you know, this is sort of getting back to the Caroline that I used to like back in the day, and then the first half an hour the first show I was like you know this is sort of getting back to the Caroline
that I used to like back in the day and then the second half
an hour I was like oh fuck this bitch
although I did laugh
when she was dangling on a trapeze
I was like the image of her this like
this meatball flying from one end to the other
that was funny
I've always kind of liked Caroline like she
the only time I really didn't like her
oddly enough was when she turned on Teresa.
Only because I felt like she didn't have a real reason.
She just was jealous.
And I was like, you're supposed to be above all this.
And that's why I like you.
And you're not above it.
And you're, like, literally, like, someone who's probably going to go to jail.
You're talking about her purse and, like, taunting her on TV.
someone who's probably going to go to jail,
you're talking about her purse and, like, taunting her on TV and just, like, making references to her going to jail
and then talking about how she's just going to work it to get a spinoff.
Like, she really turned into a nasty C-word there
towards the end of her run on Jersey.
And then I kind of liked her again at the end
because she had said, I don't remember where she said it,
but she was like, yeah, I don't necessarily like what I saw last year i saw myself become ugly and i didn't like that and so she kind of redeemed herself and
i like her in this show it's just her family sorry well i i mean i again the first half an
hour it was like the caroline that i that i like that was the one that i i always used to really
enjoy on new jersey and the second half an hour,
because the whole,
the whole point of the second episode was that,
uh,
Caroline wants to lose weight and,
uh,
she is like,
but she doesn't like to actually work out.
And then it turns out that she also just doesn't like to get out of her
comfort zones.
They send her,
put her on a trapeze.
So the thing is that the whole half an hour was her being like,
I'm not going to do it.
I don't do that.
I don't do that.
That's just not me.
I don't do that.
This is, and like, I kind of don't love pessimistic Caroline when she's just like, no, I won't do that.
Because that was the way she acted on the season of New Jersey when people started to say, you know what?
I don't think I like Caroline anymore.
I think people like Caroline when she's being nurturing and when she gives like real talk.
I think people really like that when when she when
she says it like it is but when she's doing this sort of like pseudo funny like i won't do that no
no no it's sort of like annoying because people like that are not pleasant yeah i mean i'm liking
her the my my problem is really her family like it starts off with the boys like making ball jokes
and they're back at mom's because they're starting their blackwater business which by the way is not just starting
it's just failing miserably and they still don't have no they're not wait as are they back doing
black they said they're starting a new business but i didn't realize it was blackwater is it
blackwater again i assumed it was still blackwater do they have another business
these guys are the worst entrepreneurs we've ever seen on Bravo. They have a new business every single year.
And not only does it always fail, but the concept is always so flawed.
It's like you know it's going to fail hours away.
And then Greg calls.
Yeah, we had a gay friend when it wasn't cool yet.
Yeah, gay guy.
What's up, gay guy?
And Greg's like, I want to party.
They don't know how to party in San Francisco. I'm like, want to party. They don't know how to party in San Francisco.
I'm like, really, Greg?
They don't know how to party in fucking San Francisco?
Are you crazy?
And then it goes to Lauren, who has a shoot in Glamour magazine because of who her mother is, which is really fucking retarded.
Who wants to get Glamour magazine to see Lauren Manzo?
That is not glamorous, especially when the whole episode is about how she sweats from her pits too much and she has to get i know botox in her pits like how is that i know glamour you sold
out i know how about like i could see that being like a centerfold of like egg salad quarterly
but not glamour magazine
like cat fantasy
cafe's the cafe's newsletter and when she's like i feel like carrie bradshaw dating a fat
guy doesn't mean you're dating mr big all right you're just marrying a fat guy stop calling
yourself carrie bradshaw you dumb hoe get the hell off my screen laura stupid i mean i did feel bad
when she told stories about crying in the dressing room when she was 16 and you know that whole story
that they tried out like a break you know fat people stop for her i
don't feel bad for her that's too much i'm so sick of it so what i was i was a fat teenager
and i'm still a fat adult i know it can hurt your feelings but being fat is not an affliction if you
don't want to be fat lose some fucking weight it's like you're sitting there crying in the
dressing room but all you had to do was jog around the block.
And listen, I tell myself the same thing when I'm feeling sorry for myself about my weight.
I'm sick of people using that as like some personality.
Being fat is not your personality, okay?
Being insecure maybe got you fat, and you can work on that.
But being fat is not a personality trait.
It's a physical trait.
So stop making your whole fucking life about you being a victim because you're fat.
It's not like you were born with two heads
or one leg or cancer
or something else, okay? There are people with real
problems in the world. Stop fucking crying about having
too much to eat, you cow.
And the truth is that now that she's lost weight
she's actually like, her personality is
not the best. It's like a little spoiled
and obnoxious.
I think it was the same when she was fat, but you kind of understand it.
You know, like I'm a total bitch.
And when I'm fat, people are more accepting of it than when I'm thin.
And that's the truth.
She had a bad attitude when she was fat.
Like she definitely did.
And she was like a downer and she was annoying and she was mean and she was surly.
But now she's kind of like all those things with the added element of that I just
lost weight egotism, you know?
Yeah. There's a little bit of that, a little cockiness
going on there. Yeah, it's like when you lose five pounds and you're like
oh my god, everyone's so fat!
Why can't they lose five pounds? I get it!
Yeah. It's like totally normal.
I do that every time I lose five pounds, by the way.
I get really judgmental about other people
and then I fuck like 20 strangers.
Because I'm like, I'm thin now!
It's like, no, you're not.
You lost five pounds, and you still have 100 to go.
So stop it.
Yeah.
Every time I'm starting to feel like I'm looking really good, I'm, like, happy, and then, like,
I, like, prance in front of the mirror, and then I, like, wind up in bad lighting, and
then everything is destroyed.
And I'm like, no.
No, my body dysmorphia is back.
Well, it turns out that Ross Dressed for Less sells really skinny mirrors because at home i look so cute i don't you know how like anorexic people have body dysmorphia i
don't have that i have it in reverse where i look at myself and i'm like there's nothing wrong i
look great and then i'll pass myself like the other day i was passing subway and they have kind
of a mirrored um window and i was like, holy crap, Delta Burke.
When did you get in town?
Yeah, my biggest challenge are cars parked on the street.
Because in my apartment, I swear to God, my mirrors are very flattering.
I'm like, damn.
I'm like, look at this.
Look at me.
I'm getting everything in order.
I like the way I look.
I walk out on the street on a sunny day.
And I look and there's a car parked. And I see my reflection in the window. And the window is curved. everything in order i like the way i look i walk out on the street on like a sunny day and i look
and there's like a car parked i see my reflection in the window and the window is curved so it like
exaggerates everything and everything looks all wrong and my chest looks like i got like massive
man boobs and then the way the sun comes directly down the shadows hit everything wrong and i just
basically want to go running for shelter yeah if i was in the government i would ban car windows
because i hate them too.
Yeah, they're terrible.
Or make them, like, inverted or something.
I know, they will destroy your day.
If you see yourself in a car,
like, it just exaggerates everything that you don't want to be exaggerated.
Could you imagine how valets feel,
like, having to look at that many car windows
all day long?
They're probably all, like, so miserable.
They're like, oh, I'm so bad!
Yes, I'm sure that's exactly what makes them the most miserable that's exactly what valet is complaining
about the most oh by the way while we're talking about fat people um you know what also really
bugs me about this storyline is storyline the storyline um that's coralline's sister is when caroline sobs about it it makes me crazy
because it's not like it's the first time and she's always like oh i remember when with lauren
was fat shut up you were the one who kept squeezing mayonnaise down her throat when she
was a baby what are you complaining about i hate when moms make it all about them. Like, oh,
poor you. You have a fat kid. Shut up,
Caroline.
I think season one of Real Housewives, Lauren
was on an all cereal diet. I'm not
even joking. I think there was like a scene where she
was like buying cereal. She's like, it's my new diet.
You eat only cereal. I was like, that's great.
I've done that one. That'll work out just fine for you.
I did that one. It kind of worked.
My doctor said I was pre-diabetic, though, by the end of it.
Yeah, you know.
It's just a minor trade-off.
Yeah, Caroline, my mom was like that.
She would, like, take me to all the different diets.
She sent me to diet camp.
I got fatter.
Like, she took me to all these medical things.
And I remember when Caroline did that with her, she took her to see Dr. Prager.
Wasn't it Dr. Prager she went to see? Like, some famous diet doctor? I don't know. Yeah, I remember when Caroline did that with her, she took her to see Dr. Prager. Wasn't it Dr. Prager she went to see, like some famous diet doctor?
I don't know.
Yeah, I remember.
He's like, young lady, here's what you need to do.
Eat egg whites.
That's it.
And she's like, oh, I could do that.
She went home and just ate egg whites.
And it didn't really work out.
Dieting sucks.
Well, I think it's also probably hard if you are living with your mother.
If you're trying to lose weight and living with your mother,
and you have a mother who refuses to work out
and doesn't appear to have any healthy habits.
Like, that's hard.
Right, and I'm sure that they weren't taught healthy habits.
Like, they're all chunky except for Albie, and he'll be there.
You can see it.
He's pretty chunky. Well, you know, here's what lauren needs to do she needs to move out she needs to get her own
apartment because a she is like 35 or that's how i feel like she is she's probably 23 um but also
when you live on your own and you have to buy your own groceries you can actually you know
theoretically control a lot of like the food that you're
eating.
You know, you, you know, if it's not foolproof, but if you keep your, your kitchen stock with
healthier items, that's helpful.
And I don't think that fat people being fat, being overweight, it's never easy to lose
weight.
It's going to be something that's going to be sucky and awful for your whole life, because
no matter how much you get it under control, you're always going to crave a piece of pizza.
And I feel for her.
I'm with her on that.
But I just don't like the crying about it.
That's a separate issue.
I'm just saying wouldn't it be better if she were in a place where there weren't like a giant five-gallon thing of cheesy poofs lying around?
No.
You would think so, but when you live alone, there's no,
you don't have your mother there judging you when you buy a red velvet cake
at 2 in the morning at Ralph's.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I guess that's true.
I live alone.
Like, I'm fatter than ever.
So, and I think it's because I can close my blinds at night
and put Bueller in his crate and face it away from me
so I could just be alone with my TV and my food.
And it's fun.
It's a hobby.
But, yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll get one of the...
No.
I was thinking, because we met that girl at Leah's house
who had, like...
It wasn't lap band surgery, but she had some...
Yeah, she had, like, a sleeve.
Yeah, the sleeve.
And I was going to get it, but then she described it to me.
And basically, you can only eat a bite at a time.
And you only eat like four or five bites a day.
Or you throw up or something.
And I was like, no, I need to eat a red velvet cake.
I'm not doing that.
Yeah, exactly.
It really changes your...
You basically sacrifice the act of breaking bread with people the rest of your life yeah i mean
it's me yeah binging isn't only a disease it's also a hobby and i'm just not ready to give that
up yeah but thanks lauren for giving me another opportunity to talk about my eating disorder
i by the way i am so hungry i am so hungry oh I am so hungry. Oh, you're going to be just fine.
Eat some egg salad.
I'm going to have an apple.
I went apple picking this weekend, so I've got like 10 pounds of apples in my fridge.
I just threw an apple away.
It just sat there for like a week and a half.
Oh.
Great story, guys.
Aren't you glad we're here doing this?
Why don't we move on to another show?
Okay. Which one do you want to go to that
anger sapped me all my anger is sapped from the man well we have thanks a lot jerks oh by the way
i don't know that we're necessarily committing to watching manso with children yet we haven't
really talked about that one yet you guys let us know what you think is it worthy if you think so
tell us on our page if we go up to two episodes then we'll cover it for sure
but for right now with one episode i'm not sure that that's a way to get people to try and get
us two episodes that's true like listen we have a second episode we will cover the shitty stuff
that no one wants to watch yeah so you're welcome duck dynasty it is okay so next up
what else did we have this week
The Real Housewives of Melbourne and The Real Housewives of New Jersey
and Below Deck
oh and Below Deck as well
can we do
The Real Housewives of Melbourne because
it was so entertaining as usual
it was the reunion episode and I took a lot
of notes
they didn't show two parts, right?
Yeah, only one part.
Okay, good.
So the first thing I thought was hilarious
was that when the reunion started,
they did this new thing that they've been doing now
where they show the women pulling up to the soundstage
and they're not in any makeup.
Their hair is all wet from a shower.
And they walk in and you hear the voiceovers of being like,
I'm just going to say it like it is and like everyone shows up looking like shit and
then gina pulls up and she's like all glamorous rhinestones hair all done up a classic genie yeah
she shows up and she's already done and she just has like a little bag with like a magazine in it
yeah everyone else brings like three suitcases um which is hilarious because they all accuse her
of being a drag queen and too much about her appearance and this and that when she just
she came ready to go yeah that cracked me up and then um we finally met the um i'm gonna assume
the andy cohen of australia mr alex perry who by the way i think he's had I think he's had more work than any other woman
on that stage
that work
it was like
watching
Gollum
go
down a roller coaster
on the downhill part
where all your skin
is being blown back
it looked like
oh god
and he had like
these weird fillers
that made his eyes squinty
it was just like
a disaster
his lip injections his
everything everything is wrong look when you're getting older you do not look younger with plastic
surgery you just look crazy okay especially men yeah especially i mean that was just like
apps this guy absolutely absurd and then on top that, he wore sunglasses on his head the entire time.
Oh, I couldn't with this guy.
You're inside.
Like, this is an intentional accessory that you're doing.
It looks so ridiculous and douchey.
Ugh, awful.
Well, my first thought was at least Foxtel's gaze are as horrifying as Bravo's gaze.
It's at least fair.
I know.
And he seemed so uncomfortable at first.
He was sitting at the edge of his seat, and he was, like, all stiff.
It was just... Well, he was sitting at the edge of his seat and he was like all stiff it was just
well he's not the Andy Cohen of Australia
they don't have one because Andy Cohen was like a producer
on all these shows and that's why everybody
has to kiss his ass
because he was like one of the heads of the network or whatever
this guy's not
he's like a judge on the Australian version
of Top Model
and what was his other credit like he does shit like that and oh and
he's a designer he's a couture designer so yeah i figured it was something like that yeah so he's
like a legit person but they're just like oh just get a fabulous gay to come be andy cohen and then
he shows up with sunglasses on his head well the interesting news i actually looked him up because
i was like this guy's the worst and i wanted to know about him so i looked him up because I was like, this guy's the worst, and I wanted to know about him.
So I looked him up, and he had to shut down his Twitter after he did this reunion because people were attacking him and saying that he was condoning bullying.
And he's supposed to be an advocate against bullying, and he was right there in the middle bullying people.
And I was like, what? That's crazy the uh encouraging the women to bully each other i'm
like that's what oh please that's what you do at a reunion you hand them baseball bats and you stand
back and by the way none of the stuff at the reunion or any reunion is bullying okay bullying
is when you like go up to someone and you taunt them and you pants them.
Having a disagreement, fighting with people is not the same as bullying.
Well, what the ladies are contending, and of course it's these awful whores.
Andrea and Lydia.
Andrea and Lydia.
They're alleging that Jaina's fans went all crazy on them and were attacking them on Twitter.
And it got real bad on social media.
And one of my favorite things that Andrea said,
because Andrea is trying to act all nice in this,
which is absolutely hilarious because it doesn't work.
And by the way, her hair looks really good.
I will give her that.
I can't see.
Once I've seen a heart that black, I see nothing else.
I only saw black heart.
But one of my favorite moments was when she was like, well, you know, there are people on social media who come out and they attack you.
And they're crazy.
And Gina has a bunch of fans that are crazy.
But I'll tell you, I turned a couple of trolls when I just explained things to them.
I turned a bunch to my side.
I'm like, shut up.
You did not fucking hear me. Shut up shut up what are you gonna put people on
your side you have nothing she's like well she was like though and they're like oh you're right
andrea good one andrea way to sway the masses babe she andrea cracked me up uh because the whole
episode anytime gina pretty much said anything andrea's whole thing was that she would try to shame her. She goes like, oh, Gina, that's awful.
You awful person for saying that.
Oh, Gina, what a disgusting human being for saying that, Gina.
Gina, that's terrible.
That's terrible.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
And every time they'd be like, well, you know, Gina's a whore.
You know, Gina's a terrible person.
She has her children sleep around, and then Gina would be like, well, they sleep with you? And you know be like well they sleep with you and she's like oh gina what a terrible thing to say
what a terrible thing to say gina a little bit of friendly advice for you gina don't say terrible
things what do you call someone who says hey here's one for you what do you call someone who
says terrible things gina Yeah, they were really
ready to go at Gina
and Gina just didn't give a fuck.
I mean, we talked about this last week.
She did not take
the Lisa Vanderpump route
where you just like
just act like a victim,
cry a little bit
and get everybody on your side.
She was like,
go suck yourself off,
you dumb slag.
She was like, you're an off, you dumb slag.
She was like, you're an insignificant ass-hair.
Actually, one of my favorite things that Gina did, I mean, she –
The thing that Gina does that's so hilarious is that she truly does not give a fuck.
So when they showed footage of her saying like, oh, she's a moron, you see her watching the footage and goes, I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I don't use that word.
I didn't say that. But, Gina, you just saw footage of yourself. She's like, no, i didn't say that i didn't say that i don't use that word i didn't say that but you know you just saw footage of yourself he's like no i didn't say it oh gina
you're terrible isn't that a little isn't that a line from uh muriel's wedding with muriel you're
terrible yeah that was hilarious they're like they're like gina do you remember when you called
her a moron no i didn't clip of Gina calling her a moron
I never said that
Gina we just saw you on the tape
nope I didn't say it I wouldn't use that word moron
I don't even like that word moron
you moron
I never say the word moron
you stupid moron
I love
I'm just going to kind of start at the beginning of notes
because there is so much in this.
But one of my favorite things was Andy, whatever.
What should we call him? I don't know his name. Alex. Alex Perry. Alex.
So when Alex is like, well, what do you what do you what do you think, Lydia?
When it's suggested by some of the housewives that you don't do anything all day long but sit around and act rich.
She's like, well, I actually graduated.
I graduated from school.
And I've got a degree now in interior design.
And my husband lets me look at his hotel that he's building.
So I go there and I look at it.
And, you know, there you have it.
So what? You walk into a construction site and now you're a fucking designer shut the fuck up and it doesn't
count if your husband gives you the job you slag yeah as a recent graduate i know how to do interior
design and that's a job in and of itself just knowing how to do it yeah just knowing how andrea is afraid for her children because of all
of gina's fans she's afraid for her children and all the bullying that's been going on
please i liked when andrea um started to cry uh she started to tell a story about how you know
she's like you know there was there was a time when when we didn't really have that much money
in the bank when when we over when we had to like we overdrafted and she started to cry she's like, you know, there was a time when we didn't really have that much money in the bank. When we overdrafted.
And she started to cry.
She's like, it's so hard.
It's like, you don't have to cry about the fact that you were poor once.
Like, it's okay.
We know you're wealthy now.
Like, it's not a chink in your armor.
Like, don't cry about it.
She's like, there was one time when I didn't have enough money in my wallet.
And it was really hard for me.
This is Andrea. It's like every day for the rest of us she's like I remember one
time I wanted a car and I couldn't afford it and I had to drive my old car
he has a bit of friendly advice stop making me cry just to give some advice, you know?
Oh, and I love her.
This is like when she's on her whole reputation fixer tour.
So she's like, yeah, see, I was poor.
She's like, and everyone accusing me of fat, you know,
they were talking about glamour or something.
He's like, what about glamour?
What about fashion?
You all love fashion. And she's like, what about glamour? What about fashion? You all love fashion.
And she's like, actually, I don't wear designer clothes.
I wear normal clothes that normal women would find in normal places.
I don't see the need to find expensive things to wear because I'm normal.
I'm just one of the people.
I'm a working mom.
I don't need expensive clothing.
I'm a working mom. I don't need expensive clothing. I'm a working mom.
And you know what?
You know what?
I believe her because there's no way she paid more than $10 for that ugly as shit white lace thing that she wears every interview segment.
That thing is so nasty.
There is no way that it's high-pass.
I think that's actually an Australian designer because in the article where I was reading about Alex getting bullied, the news people he was talking to in this article, one of them was wearing that exact same outfit.
The news lady was wearing that same outfit.
And I'm like, oh, my God.
Either that's a hand-me-down because Andrea used to be a news reporter or this is, like, popular in Australia.
Oh, and by the way, this is –
You never know when fashion is going to show
up somewhere i met a jewish lady the other night wearing one of those like silk shirts that are
see-through but then you're wearing like a t-shirt under when did that come back yeah it's back and
by the way um you mentioned that andrea's a reporter this is a nice way to plug our on someone
posted um footage of her uh well it actually, she was being interviewed on a show
and they showed footage of her as a reporter.
That video is...
From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.
I'm Francesca Ramsey.
And I'm Conscious Lee.
What do most people think about
when they hear the words Black History?
Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.
Exactly, exactly.
There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,
especially outside of February.
And we are about to flip the script on all of that.
Because on this show, you're going
to hear a little less, and a little bit more. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen
early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple
Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's
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was it on our patreon oh yeah that's pretty funny she's like remember that remember when i was a
reporter on page patreon.com she actually you were cutting out there. Sorry, your plug was dead, Ben. Your plug
was killed by the internet. I can't believe
Skype killed the
plug. All I was
saying was that if you want...
I think Skype
is sick of you playing Skype.
You see Skype?
You see audience? Skype keeps cutting
off Paul Ben.
Ben, he was just trying to plug the Patreon page.
Poor, poor Ben.
Oh, by the way, when I was... day there can i hear you i think i'm back from intermission, Ben. We had a nice break talking crap about you on the podcast.
I'm here.
I'm here.
Anyway, I'm not going to try to plug that in because every time I do it, disaster.
Can we talk about Chica's husband who left that really weird video?
What was that about?
Okay, is Chica's husband a producer on the show or something?
What was that?
Okay, is Chica's husband a producer on the show or something?
What was that?
Come on. you............
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...... hello hello there ben welcome back i've been talking to myself about chica's husband
oh god look up on the internet ben if you have anything playing in your background there on the
internet if you've got your internet open if you've got any kind of internetty things you
better turn them off now ben well i have the internet open but that's about it well you keep
cutting out ben and i know it's you because there's white dots Pointing at your head here
While I'm looking at the podcast page
Oh yeah there's a white dot
Pointing at my head
Let me give you a little friendly advice
I'm going to shut down my browser
Maybe that'll help things out a little bit
Ben I was telling everyone how I
Went to a Yom Kippur party this week
And that's how I saw
A Jewish lady in a see-through shirt bin.
Oh, wow.
Let me give you a little friendly advice.
They're wonderful, Ben.
They have wonderful parties.
They know how to binge, Ben.
Let me give you a little friendly advice.
Yeah.
Next time you want to see some fashionable Jews,
go to a fashionable Jewish party.
Ha, ha, ha.
All right.
So Chico's husband, Bruceuce had this weird moment in the middle
of the reunion where he like he recorded something that they aired because i'm sure they reached out
to him and they were like do you want to be on the reunion and he's probably like well i'm in boston
so but let me record something and it was this like like, toast to the ladies. And he's like, Andrea, you could be the juggler.
Gina, you're the lion.
I'm like, what is this?
He's like, it was like this extended circus metaphor about all the women.
It was so weird.
Yeah, he's like, hello, everybody.
This is like American Horror Story freak show.
All right, we've got the two-headed monster,
which is Andrea. Andrea,
both of you have...
...looks crazy
and crazier every year because of her age.
Alright?
Benny, are you still there?
I'm here.
Who else is on Freak Show?
Chica.
Chica, you're just like Kathy Bates.
I say that because she's got most of the same dresses that you do, Chica,
and you've got kind of a beard like Kathy Bates does in Freak Show,
but I still love you.
And the good thing about having a gay husband is gay people love Kathy Bates, darling.
All right, everybody, welcome back.
Sorry about the technical difficulties.
I blame Gina, because she's a horrible human being.
Gina, I can't believe you did that to the podcast.
That's just terrible, Gina.
Gina, that was your fault, talking about dirty things,
saying awful things about people, having people bully us on the social media, Gina.
Gina, that's how awful, what an awful person for doing that to Skype, Gina.
Yeah, Gina, right in the middle of my American Horror Story comparisons, Gina.
Gina, how awful.
Gina, you're terrible, Gina.
Gina.
How awful.
Jeaner.
You're terrible, Jeaner.
One of my favorite things was the Lydia's sex life montage,
where Lydia's talking about boning her old scuzzy husband.
Okay?
Now, here's the deal.
I don't care if you're married to somebody who's older than you.
I don't care if you're married to a turtle.
I'm one of those people.
You know, you can have ten than you i don't care if you're married to a turtle i'm one of those people you know you can have 10 wives i don't care my thing is when you just marry an old man for money and then you try and pretend you did it because he's hot he is not hot you married
that old fucker because of his money no young beautiful woman wants to be walking in the mall
and tripping over their husband's balls okay you are totally dating him for his money stop fronting
you already told us
you had to sign in your marital contract that you'd fuck him whenever he wants to so please
you're just basically a whore and when when uh gina says that you married a man for his money
and you're basically an institutionalized whore she's telling the damn truth stop getting so
offended miss private plane to get cheese but can't pronounce half the words you say stupid and things the louvre is in london stupid stupid she's like oh i don't have to clean my
hair says for someone else i ride that half hard pole half two times a day it smells like the cheese
i buy on the private plane i earned what i've got you think that's not work it's the oldest profession
all right she nods her head up and down and she nods that's what i'm doing while i talk can you
hear it in the microphone i'm not in my head i liked um i liked when andrea on part of her like
me like me tour uh was trying to make people like her um i liked when she starts trying to become
relatable and talk about how she's really like you know she's done the struggle she knows how to like
she knows how to like no one realizes how hard it is when she's trying to raise some children
she's just trying to raise some children and gina's like well i think in many ways but she's
actually i'm sorry i think in many ways that we're we're the equivalent of each other except i'm doing
with no husband and with two kids. And Andrea hated that.
And just like totally stole Andrea's struggling mom gambit.
Yeah, you're not a struggling mom when you have five nannies.
Oh, and I love Andrea.
He's like, yes, but don't you have five nannies?
People have given you a lot of trouble on social media,
which I love that Twitter has this.
Twitter was basically built to abuse housewives,
which I think is hilarious because it's the only show I've ever heard it mentioned this much.
But anyway, he's like, no one likes you have all those nannies.
And she's like, listen here, I don't have five nannies.
What I have are five college girls who are in college that I can call on day and night to do whatever I please.
And he's like, oh, all right.
Well, that makes sense.
And she's like, you see?
And he's like, I totally understand, babe.
Thanks for clearing that up, Andrea.
Much better.
Yeah.
I also thought, I mean, Gina was hilarious, this reunion,
because she had a good comeback for everything.
Like when Andrea was like, you've got a vulgar mouth.
And she's like, you've got a vulgar mouth and she's like you've got a vulgar heart you know i loved that and then when they showed the segment of of gina putting down everyone and it was like this extended montage of gina just
making fun of every single housewife and she was like oh she's stupid she's an instant she's an
idiot she's a twat she's a twit she's a it's just one after the other. They're all being taken down, including
Jackie. She was like, well, Jackie, she should just
go back to the eastern
borough where she came from, whatever she said.
And then afterwards,
Andrea's like, again, she goes,
that's a terrible thing to say,
Andrea. You called her a booger.
There was some slang going on. I didn't even understand it.
They're called boogers or something like that.
Or boogers or something like that.
That's terrible. That's terrible.
That's awful.
How could you say something so terrible?
That's Lydia.
Why could you do something like that, Gina?
Oh, there you are, Gina.
Disgusting.
You should be ashamed of yourself
they showed that clip where she's like
oh your sons are going to be fucking on this couch
and she's like no I don't want to talk about it
and he's like well why didn't you want to talk about
your sons fucking on the couch and she's like
because a middle aged woman talking about my
children fucking is kind of disgusting to me
and Lydia's like
sex with children isn't disgusting
what a vulgar thing to say gina
how vulgar gina you're terrible that's a terrible thing to say oh gee that there was a lot of times
they would always start with oh gina gina oh what an awful thing to say gina's just like, oh, fuck off, twat.
Oh, suck my dick.
I don't give a shit what you say.
Love it.
Janet was the only one who seemed to have a sense of humor about it.
When they showed the footage of Gina calling her a twit,
Janet slapped her on the thigh and was like,
oh, you stopped there right now.
But the rest were like, everyone was just shocked. shocked yeah but janice the one who started everything so i think at some point she
just has to have a sense of humor because she's you know i mean people could have been a lot meaner
to janet than they were frankly and they weren't you know they were nice stories like they they
helped her cross the street instead of they helped her along the crosswalk instead of pushing her
down you know something well i think that janet janet's a meddler but ultimately she's a nice person so i think that's what came out
i mean i guess i don't i don't really know what the proof is that she's a nice person but
she's at least fun she seems nice yeah so at least smile and take you to lunch while
she's stabbing you in the back thanks janet thanks a lot yeah but you know what i call janet you know what i call janet a generally nice person who might
stab you in the back once in a while hey janet let me give you some friendly advice next time
you talk to me talk to me oh look at look at that chair you know what gina's gonna at that chair. You know what Gina's going to do to that chair?
She's going to sit in it.
Hey, Gina.
Nice shoes.
Looks like you've been wearing them on your feet all day long.
Oh, that's disgusting what you did to those shoes, Gina.
How you put them on your feet like that.
Oh, Gina. I can't believe you put your dirty your feet like that. Oh, Gina.
I can't believe you put your dirty feet in those shoes.
Shoes aren't meant for feet, Gina.
Oh, Gina, how vulgar.
Those poor shoes.
You're a bully.
You know, I'm only doing this show to show my children
how to stand up against bullying.
Okay.
Okay, Andrea.
You have fun next year.
Doing nothing in your husband's office, acting like you're working when you're trying to get your Spanx tie.
OK, I just finished my app, by the way.
I really hope you guys can hear me chewing it.
I was trying to chew away from the mic.
I heard it, Ben.
I heard that apple, Ben.
Oh, Ben, how awful.
I can't believe you're eating in people's ears.
I'm sorry. That was awful, Ben.
All right.
I want to talk about Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Oh, Ronnie.
Oh, Ronnie.
How awful.
How awful, Ronnie. What awful. How awful, Ronnie.
What a horrible, hideous person.
All right. So we do have our own version of that.
And something that this is a too late segue, which I could have worked in earlier, but I didn't.
It was when I was reading that article about Alex complaining about how he had to leave Twitter because people were bullying him.
Yeah.
He was like, you know, these Australian shows are nothing, you know.
I mean, on a scale of 1 to 10, Melbourne is probably at a 6.
Most of the other in the franchise are 3 times as bad, which would put them on a scale of 18, by the way.
Yeah.
Then I watched Jersey, and I was like yes yes you're correct we
are at least three times as bad as that i mean in all of melbourne what were the fights someone
didn't believe in a psychic they didn't believe in psychic abilities right uh someone was late
uh someone used the word cunt privately in a bathroom someone had the improper footwear
on a tennis court
and that was pretty much it right
I mean that was like the entire controversy of the entire season
so Jersey someone's fucking
someone's mom
alright I'm ready
you already win okay
yeah
so they're still in Boca which every time I see
that I just start laughing.
Because I love that Bravo's got that cheap.
They're like, well, we just sent the other girls to Bali, so Jersey can go to Boca.
When the light fixtures in your mansion come from Home Depot, you're in trouble, okay?
I've seen those.
I've seen those light switch cars.
Yeah, it was a pretty low-rent vacation.
And not only that, their mansion was, like, part of, like, a planned community around a little lake.
Like, the next houses were, like, next door.
It was, like, not quite a getaway.
Yeah, that was, like, a timeshare.
But we did get to see Joe shirtless, which I liked.
Joe Gorga is getting Joe Jewdice a little bit.
He's sort of turning into, like, he's still muscular, but now, like,
it's like the fat's coming under the muscles, so it's just puffing him out,
which, hey, it's still fine by me.
Yeah.
I would suggest some block, though.
Yeah, that's a good rule of thumb for
all of them really because he kind of looks like kind of the same joe gorga it looks like somebody
put tracing paper over joe gorga's face spilled tea on it and then traced it like it doesn't look
right there's something weird looking it's puffy it's it's there's there's like it's like puffy
but it's also like crinkly and burned.
It looks burned.
It looks like he's had three third degree burns.
He's turning himself into Freddy.
Yeah.
Lots of burning going on there.
Put on some suntan lotion.
Be in all our dreams.
We don't stay young forever.
All right, hon.
Okay, so.
You should learn from his sister.
Amber and Jim have just arrived at Boca, and they're already starting shit.
Bobby went to hide in the bathroom.
And one of the funny things I read on Twitter this week, I don't even remember who said it.
I'm sure one of you can remind me in the comments.
But someone on Twitter suggested, and it was some celebrity too, suggested that Bobby ran into the bathroom to erase texts from this mystery girl, which I think is a very good theory.
Because Bobby did immediately run to the bathroom the minute some other girl was brought up, locked himself in there, and would not come back until pictures and texts were erased.
And such a weird tactic to run into the bathroom
yeah
like it was so bizarre
and like and then the girl
was trying to get him out
the whole thing was very strange I like that theory a lot
I do too I think it's dead on
and I love that
that stupid girl that he's dating
I don't remember which one it is
but one of the twins I don't remember which twin it is, but one of the twins.
The cult.
I don't like how you went to the bathroom
to take that call
because you should have been talking to me
and you're in the bathroom.
He's like, I'm sorry, babe.
She's like, well, next time I'm in the bathroom.
Why is that an explanation of your opinion?
If I had a culotta for every time he went to the bathroom,
every time I needed him,
oh man, I would have the most culottas in the world.
I'd be Lord Mantis size by now.
I would be the Donald Trump of culottas.
You could make a state called Culotta State.
North Culotta.
And I'd be the president of that state.
Even though states don't have presidents, I'd be the president.
So I love that
amber is supposedly not standing behind what jim is saying so jim basically tells everybody off
and then drops the bomb oh well you're fucking your your husband fucked your mom or whatever
yeah so then everybody freaks out and uh amber is wasted at this point. And obviously they were passing something around this party
that was not just alcohol
because we know, well, we don't know.
This is allegedly, of course, thank you, Kathy Griffin,
but it seems as though Melissa and Joe
have found their way to the glass pipe store
because those two,
their eyes are always doing something fucked up
and they're always messed up on something.
And I'm thinking there was a little coke or something being passed around.
Because Amber was not only shit-faced, she kept licking her lips and adjusting her jaw.
And doing a lot of coke-y kind of things.
So I'm wondering if they got her ass coked up and then just watched her go.
Because she was crazier than ever.
And then she was like she's
having a cigarette she's like i'm having a cigarette you see this i'm having a cigarette
i haven't had a cigarette since i don't know how many years since the cancer how many years
since cancer huh i'm having a cancer cigarette i'm have cancer i have cancer look at me i'm
having a cigarette look at that's a cigarette look at me i'm having a cigarette
that that was like her storyline for the episode oh my god last night i had i had a cigarette oh
my god i had a cigarette i had a cigarette my favorite amber i had a cigarette my favorite
cancer moment though was when they finally get kicked out uh dina asked them to leave and she's
like i came here to celebrate my my good test results with these people and they don't even appreciate it.
I know.
Like, Amber was doing everybody a favor by bringing her almost cancer storyline into this event.
Delusional cow.
Bye.
Enjoy your one season.
Bye.
Please leave my TV forever.
But meanwhile, she and Jim had a weird moment.
Like, after she brought Jim upstairs, they were in the room, and she was crying at him.
But then they were, like, laughing, which made me wonder.
They're fucked up.
How much.
Well, they were definitely fucked up, and I wonder how much of this was sort of staged by them.
Like, they had planned to do this.
Because they were, like, laughing.
They were laughing.
Yeah, they're laughing about it.
And she's just repeating herself over and over, sitting on the bed with her like spread wide open like airing her vagina at him and then her makeup she had so much makeup
on it was like that drunk girl section of the night which lord knows i've got enough of them
in my group that it like three in the morning there once they've crinkled their heads enough
they've got those big makeup lines on their face and their face looks like it's made out of clay
and it's cracking and they just look fucking crazy and you just know that he just wanted to go away but he
couldn't yeah and it was just a wonderful wonderful thing to watch he's like can you believe
and he's like yeah babe uh please close your legs and And she's like,
you know, Joe's,
my husband's tough. He goes to war
every day.
He's in mortgages.
What fucking war is he going to every day?
All I know
is that if she were really pissed at
Jim,
there would have been no discussion.
She would have, like,
it would have been silent treatment. But the fact that they were still sitting there and then laughing, I was like, obviously, she didn't care.
She liked it.
Yeah, obviously, Jim has to bring up fucking the mom because she doesn't want to get in trouble for it again.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
But something interesting, when they come out with the you're fucking your mom stuff, no one really denied it.
Everyone just said, you're disgusting.
You're disgusting.
What a disgusting thing to say.
And then they got mad at Dina,
which was sort of strange.
That didn't make sense to me.
You shouldn't have been talking.
It should have been dead.
It would have been dead.
You shouldn't have been
talking about it at all.
I'm mad at Dina for perpetuating.
It's like, what?
No, Dina shouldn't have gotten involved but it's not really dina's fault and in fact actually well i mean well no i mean i agree it's not normal like if you had a secret about me
and you didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me that would be you being a good friend
but if we're on a reality show and you're talking about it every episode on camera and i
don't know about it but you're still perpetuating this rumor by saying that my husband fucked my
mom over and over that's not being cool okay that's a good point that's you know that's different
that's a good point because i was like i mean i thought it was stupid for dina to broach it last
week when dina heard about it she should have been like okay whatever i thought you're saying
yeah because like being on a it's like i i wasn't considering the fact that every time dina heard about it she should be like okay whatever i see what you're saying yeah because like being on a it's like i i wasn't considering the fact that every time dina talks about it it's
on camera and that perpetuates it so yes i understand that and then they can't but the
whole thing was themselves mostly i mean if dina really liked her she would have been like theresa
what okay i'm calling the girls called them and said hey listen uh victoria gatti is trying to
get back on tv so she told theresa that your husband's fucking your mom, so you better take care of this shit right now.
And then those twins would have been like, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe her.
Let's get a cool water.
Fill up my gas.
Hurry, honey.
Hurry.
Fill it up.
I need a cool water right now.
Right now.
Let's go drive to her house.
And they would have had a fucking fit at Victoria Gotti's house.
Yeah. That piece of trash. Let Victoria Gotti's house. Yeah.
That piece of...
Let's drive to her house, let's look at her through the window
and go to Dunkin' Donuts and get a culotta, okay?
And then we'll talk about it next time because that's
fake. We'll see her at a party, okay?
But yeah, the
twin...Teresa
is the married one, right? So, Teresa
did not look like what a silly thing
what a stupid rumor to be spread she looked mortified that she had to deal with this on tv
and yes totally completely crushed by it and i actually felt bad for her but i mean if your
husband's fucked your mom and people know please don't't go on TV. I mean, I feel like that should be a rule when you're auditioning for a reality show.
I think they should say, have you or your husband fucked your mother?
Okay.
Then you're not, don't go on the reality show.
Okay?
Okay.
The only one who seemed to actually deny it was Vito, sort of.
Later in the episode, Vito appeared.
After Jim and Amber left, they were all having dinner.
And then Vito and Teresa
came in, and he's like, it was such an outlandish
thing. It was such an outlandish thing. I mean,
how could you believe something that's so outlandish?
We could make better stories up. I could give
you better stories that are real
than we did. Like, remember that time we found that
orphan under the underpass, and we did it?
I mean, we spit-fired her. Teresa had
a strap-on, but we spit-fired
her, and we took a change.
Ha!
Not that we needed the money, but, you know, it was fun.
It was fun!
Hey, and now she works at my restaurant.
Hey.
It's good.
It was fun. I didn't fuck her mother, but I fucked her father twice, and then he came on my face.
Like, gross.
I don't want to hear a story.
That's a better story.
Any story that's true that is worse than you fucking your mother-in-law, I really don't want to know it.
So please just keep it to yourself.
He's like, we have worse things than are true.
I'm like, wow.
Yeah, that's what's scary.
And that's what leads me to believe that you probably did fuck her.
So please just quit while you're not ahead.
The only other thing that happened in Florida once Jim and Amber were kicked out was that they went on like a little yacht.
And what's his face?
Bobby and Joe like had like this bromance thing where it was mainly like Bobby was – it seemed like Bobby was kind of like molesting Joe.
At one point, they were like frogging in the water and they went up on the beach and Bobby started doing like doing like cpr and like mouth to mouth to joe
it was like very sexual and i loved when when dina was saying you know you know the only reason why
i think bob was hanging out with joe so much is that he just wants to get closer to the cool kids
which aka means he wants to be famous yeah he just wants to be on tv which is painfully obvious
at this point yeah um yeah and we haven't read anything that they've broken up but if she's
still with him after this she's she's sadder than i imagine i mean he's basically the dana of this
so yeah right 25 000 25 000 except he's probably like hey hey you see this uh you see these sunglasses uh 25 cents huh 25 cents 25
cents and i'm worth half a billion he's like the richest person on any housewives show ever
and he's just a pathetic kangaroo on set so um something else that i liked in this episode
jacqueline jeline Jacqueline and Kathy
trying to pretend they're friends
and they're on this show for no reason
nobody can understand what the fuck they're doing here
but they keep putting them in scenes together
and Jackie has nothing to talk about
besides autism and Teresa
and today we're lucky enough that it was Teresa
and she's like
but I texted Teresa again
and she still didn't text.
And Kathy's like, listen, just let it go.
I have no time in my life for people like that.
Concentrate on your husband and do something fun.
Like, maybe you could go down memory lane.
Jack's like, what?
She's like, you know, like, maybe like the where you met.
I'm like, yeah, hang upside down from a pole, wait for him to come in,
crush his family life, have him leave his family.
How is that fun?
You know?
How about we start, like, a year after we met?
That'll be a nice dinner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good advice, Kathy.
Yeah.
I mean, that was, like, the Jacqueline story was so, it was a big nothing.
They had a date night.
They remembered things, and now they're going
to sell their house like who cares well they had a date night but they're basically trying to do
pre-judice uh damage control because they're seeing what's going on with joe and theresa
at this point in shooting it's obvious that one or both of them is going down for the count
well they and also they were not allowed which we didn't discuss before, their bankruptcy was overturned.
Did you know that part?
No.
So, they had gone through this bankruptcy, blah, blah, blah, and all their debt was going to be erased, which was like over, it was $13.5 million.
And it was overturned.
So, they now are on the hook for $14 million.
Why was it overturned?
I don't know.
I guess because of all the false shit that
they were turning in you can't just say you're bankrupt and be done with it oh because they
weren't uh damn it i know that i know the answer to this i've read enough this week uh because they
did not actually the recapper chick bomb on trash talk tv talked about it because they didn't claim
uh certain things in their bankruptcy they didn't they didn't claim certain things in their bankruptcy. They didn't claim their ATVs.
And what was the other thing that they didn't claim?
I thought the ATVs, that was Joe Giudice didn't claim the ATVs.
But it's both their bankruptcy.
Oh, I thought you were talking about Chris and Jacqueline.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I jumped back to Teresa.
So anyway, so their bankruptcy was overturned as well.
So they're on the hook for now $14 million.
So just to add to that misery.
But anyway, Chris and Jack, I think, are trying to do,
because a lot of the reason Teresa and Joe got in trouble
was evidence that was used from the TV show.
I mean, all of the hours of footage beyond even what we see on TV
were subpoenaed by the court.
So a lot of evidence against them was stuff that was recorded by the cameras.
And I think that Chris and Jacqueline now are like, okay, they're going to be looking at this show.
So let's spend scenes talking about how we're humble and we're fine changing our lifestyle.
And we're just trying to do the right thing.
Like, how many fucking people did you two rip off?
And they're acting like, oh, it's just the economy that's got us down.
No, it's not.
It's because you've been fucking ripping people off, dude.
You're no better.
That's why you're not throwing stones at Teresa.
Give me a fucking break.
Yeah.
Phonies.
Yeah.
Phonies.
Balonies.
Okay, you guys. that's what i say
so what else should we move on to uh below deck real quickly before we wrap up the show
yes i'm trying to see um the only other thing i wrote down was on Teresa's romantic date with Joe, he called an oyster a sloppy vajayjay.
He giggled like it was the most romantic thing he had ever said.
And then Teresa says deadpan to the camera, I love Joe because he makes me feel safe.
Which almost made me fall off my chair, seeing as how I just got her thrown in prison.
made me fall off my chair seeing as how i just got her thrown in prison didn't didn't she say something like likes about like was it that joe or her money or her cookbooks keeps our family
on a float that's how you say it right on a float on a float yeah so stupid these are idiots i think
the title of this podcast should be you're awful on a float
can't let brilliance just escape you like that guys I think the title of this podcast should be, You're Awful on a Float.
Can't let brilliance just escape you like that, guys.
All right, below dick.
Below dick.
Below dick.
I really am enjoying this show.
You know what?
Kate is such a bitch, and I love her.
She is such a bitch, but I love her. I don't even think she's a bitch.
It's just we're not used to seeing someone who's not a fake asshole all the time, especially in service.
Because in service, you're supposed to be like, what can I do for you?
You okay?
What can I do for you?
And she's like, hi, here's your food.
I know.
And I love, honestly, the thing that I liked about the show last season is that there comes a point when Captain Lee gets fed up with his crew and he just starts yelling at them.
And that's pretty much where we're going to now.
I love it because, you know, the cast is made up of a bunch of, you know, like, reality stars, wannabe reality stars, young people, idiots.
And he's like a real captain and he has like no patience for it.
and he's like a real captain and he has like no patience for it
and so it's always really fun when you see
a typical reality idiot
get yelled at by someone with real authority
although this season they don't have as many
jackasses last season they had a few
like real assholes
yeah this week he was just mad
because Kelly was like hungover
after his birthday right
Kelly was being a baby for sure
he was like oh my elbow he can be however he wants to be okay that's just the unfairness of the world hungover after his birthday, right? Yeah. Kelly was being a baby, for sure.
He was like, oh, my elbow. He can be however he wants to be, okay?
That's just the unfairness of the world.
He could come punch me in the face right now
and I'd be like, it's okay.
I forgive you.
I've never seen someone with such a big penis
also have such a big vagina, too.
Is that misogynist?
Probably.
Sorry.
I don't think so.
I don't think you can be misogynist against a man.
That would be called misandry.
Well, I think the misogyny comes from us equating being a baby with a lady.
Saying you have a vagina.
But Dina said it first, so there.
She called Jim someone with a vagina.
Oh, yeah.
She's like, I'm sorry you're married to a dick with a vagina.
Yeah. But anyway. it's really fun they had a bunch of trashy people and i love these people because they're so like me in the way that they're like we haven't even eaten today and
they're like uh you had 37 waffles 18 grilled cheeses they're like yeah but you didn't call it
lunch so we still haven't had lunch i mean those were snacks they're like uh because it's all skinny people on the boat who don't understand you know like
skinny people just don't eat that much so they're like what i had a piece of toast this morning i'm
fine i'll have some shrimp for dinner and fat people are like you better get my food bitch
i need my afternoon waffle i love how i love how a cat is such a bitch how like they pass
by that yacht that has to slide out and they're like oh my god please don't let them see the slide
please don't let them see the slide she's like uh whatever you guys like to uh have the slide today
and they're like oh they're like yeah sure give us the slide
yeah that's so what do you have to say about that show?
I really don't have that much. I enjoyed watching it.
I just really enjoyed it.
I think I'm actually really glad that Captain Lee made the Pretty Woman reference towards the end,
which I thought was funny that he was making that reference.
But when he said that the crew was becoming like the people in Pretty Woman who were like a big mistake.
Well, huge.
Well, the people in that boutique that Julia Roberts goes into.
Because I was like, you know, these people are tacky ass passengers, but they are paying.
And you can't just like – you just can't be snobby like that to the people who are paying to be on your yacht.
Well, were they being snobby to their face?
No, but you know what? that stuff it comes out it comes it somehow like i i do believe that if you have a condescending view
towards a client um even if it's just behind their back it's some it will eventually come out
in some way or form yeah well that's true if you're in service you should be you should be kind of
making everybody feel really important yeah that's why i left service and amy uh you know i like amy
uh but she should tone it down the way she talks to kate i mean kate is her boss and she's like
i just don't understand i don't understand like i don't get you i don't get your head i don't like
like i like you're my you're my super you're like my main you're my main stew and you're there I don't understand. I don't get you. I don't get your head.
You're my main stew.
And you're there talking about me with Kat.
And Kit's like, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if that happened.
I'm sorry if I did that.
I'm sorry that it happened.
She's like, okay.
But are you sorry that you did it?
Are you sorry because I feel a certain way?
Oh, you're sorry that you did it, but are you only sorry that you did it because I caught you?
Or are you sad because it hurt my feelings?
Are you sad that you did it and it hurt my feelings?
Or are you sad that it hurt my feelings, but you're not sad that you did it?
I need a specific answer.
She's like all of the above.
But you know what though?
I also like that Kate, she just was like, I'm sorry that I did that.
Like so many reality stars on Bravo, especially all the Real Housewives, should learn.
Sometimes just suck up and say, I'm sorry that I did that and just be done with it.
And she really didn't do anything.
I mean, Kat came down and started blabbing to her about something.
But even that was like, this bitch, so I sucked some guy's dick on a boat a few years ago and she told the whole world.
But that's not even saying anything bad about her.
It's just saying that it wasn't nice of her to do, and it wasn't.
So, of course, it wasn't nice of Kat to be sucking everyone's dick either.
Yeah.
I like this show.
I don't.
I like this show.
Why did you fill the water on table 12
before you filled the water on table 15
was it racism
who cares it's a fucking busboy
that's what I say
yeah
alright well I guess on that note
what an awful person
oh Ronnie
how terrible
how disgusting
you're terrible
you're disgusting You're terrible Oh you're terrible
You're terrible Ronnie for saying that
About the bus board
Disgusting
Hey you know what I call a yacht
That's on the water
I call it a boat
Alright everybody
We're done with the podcast this week
That was a fun rollicking two hours of talking amongst ourselves.
We hope you enjoyed it.
Please come to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash watch what crappins.
Find info about our first Google Hangout for subscribers, which will be tomorrow or today,
or it already happened depending on when you're listening to this,
but it'll be Thursday, October 9th at 7pm Pacific
time. So come on, find the address
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What a terrible thing to say.
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And I love you.
To the insurance company that spurned me,
our time together has come to an end.
It's not me, it's you.
We both know what I'm talking about.
Fifteen minutes ago, I began courting GEICO.
It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast.
Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance,
but also the future tears you were sure to impose.
My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO.
Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride.
GEICO.
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