Watch What Crappens - #148: RHONJ Limps To The End; Plus, Vanderpump Rules Is Back!
Episode Date: October 15, 2014This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) endure yet another punishing week of "Real Housewives of New Jersey." Then it's on to "Mel...bourne" for the final part of the reunion special. Next we get fired up about "Below Deck" and end things by talking about "Vanderpump Rules" and stalking Jax Taylor's Instagram feed. Plus, chatter about "The People's Couch" and Joe and Teresa's "Watch What Happens" appearance. Come listen! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.
I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com, and joining me, as always, is the wonderful and inimitable Ronnie Karam.
Hey, Ronnie.
Hello, everybody.
Hello, hello. If you want to follow us on social media, which I highly recommend, just
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Anyway, wow.
What a week of Bravo for us.
What a week, Ben. what a week of bravo for us what a week been what a week um yes and also uh at
watch what crappens.com we have a new little website up and you can find all our social media
links and our patreon link and all of that so if you don't remember where to go just go to
watch what crappens.com y'all it's easy as pie it's so easy um so anyway we had so on to the show so we so we had let's see the shows we'll
talk about today we're going to talk about real house as a melbourne reunion we're going to talk
about below deck we'll talk about new jersey we'll touch on um watch what happens the second part
with joe and theresa and then ronnie you said you watched some people's Couch last night. I did. I was watching People's Couch.
I've been having website issues,
which means that I'm sitting at my computer all day
trying to figure out what coding is.
And so I have my TV going
and watching stuff that I don't normally watch.
And I was watching People's Couch,
and it was so funny.
It was so good.
I loved it.
That's good to know.
I mean, I assume the show's doing well because it keeps coming back.
It is hilarious.
I love everybody on it.
And it's actually got a good time slot now.
Yeah.
It's got a normal time slot.
So I think they'll be doing well.
And I'm really happy for them.
And I also see probably why we aren't on it because we just talk too much.
Like, they actually watch a show which yeah well i
remember really do i remember when we auditioned that was my first thought afterwards we were like
when when when matt ryan and i sat down they're like okay watch the show and there's like comment
on it and we just were on we're like okay let's be hilarious and we talked over every single clip
like we were monsters um you know and then i you know they
even said they're like you know just you know be sure you could just like just chill and just like
watch it just like watch it yeah this is like watching people just watch tv and they just make
comments now now and then and they come cut them together but it's so funny and i'm doing a new
show that's kind of similar called tv viewing party and you guys can watch it it's on tonight
for top chef but i'm just gonna to watch shows with funny comics and stuff.
And I guess it's similar, except mine won't – it'll be just like chatting with people online and stuff and having special guests.
But we'll still talk over it.
But People's Couch was so funny.
I really liked that show.
I love everybody on it.
The gays are so cute.
The old ladies are so cute.
The families are great. the old ladies are so cute the families are
great the black people are hilarious i'll have to i'll have to check in on it again because you
know what i've said before on this show is that when i have watched it i actually felt like it
was too scripted it didn't really wasn't really clicking for me but maybe they've worked through
some of that stuff parts of it seem like that like they're just kind of putting it on or they
haven't seen the shows so
they're making stuff up but um when it's good it's good it's a really funny show it's really
cute to have on and also you see shows that you haven't seen like they were watching um
uh diva uh hollywood divas which is hilarious it's this girl from hustle and flow and she's like when i was dating a movie star everyone was
my friend and then i started dating uh uh pa and no one knows me anymore now i'm poor so i'm
bringing other black women together to make it in hollywood and i'm like oh no and one of the
gay guys is like you're blaming your boyfriend on losing your fame? That's not cool.
It's a good show.
I'll check it out. It's like one of a million shows
I have to watch. And it feels really bizarre
talking about Bravo shows and just
covering it with compliments because that's not really what we do
and so we don't really have to sit here and discuss it
but I really did like it. So yay show!
I'm glad you're back. Good.
Good for People's Couch.
I hope they're getting paid more than they were going to pay us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's cool.
So and then obviously last week on Thursday, actually right before our little viewing or Google Hangout, there was part two of Teresa and Joe.
Watch what happens.
One-on-one.
And all I can remember about it was
the part where Joe was discussing his drinking,
and he's like, you know, he's like,
yeah, well, you know, I probably...
He's like, so what?
Yeah, you know, I probably have a lot.
You know, he's like, yeah, I don't know.
You know, I probably drink a little bit too much,
you know, so I have a small shot.
And he's like, he's like, like, you know, I have like a...
Hey, I get my work done.
I go, I do my work.
And then at night, I have about
four or five bottles of wine.
I share them with somebody.
Yeah, but share it with the person.
The kids are in bed.
So what? And then the very
next conversation was, so Teresa,
Joe's going to be raising the children, right?
And she's like, yeah.
All I asked him to do was take care of my children, take care of my children.
He's like, only four or five bottles a night.
He's like, but your children, you're talking about the wine bottles, right?
Those are our children.
I can take care of those.
You know, I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, you know, I don't know. I mean, you know.
My favorite daughter is Cakewalk.
And Charles Shaw is the son I never had.
So, love him. I have a baby with my black mistress.
Her name is Chardonnay.
I'll take care of Chardonnay.
My favorite daughter that looks nothing like me is named Ramona.
Love her.
Hey, where's that knucklehead son of mine, Peanut?
Peanut Grigio.
He's from the Grigio family.
Peanut.
Speaking of alcohol, we started talking about fabellini's and how all
of their businesses have tanked because of this bad publicity which i think is so weird because
when has theresa ever had good publicity i know theresa's been a total bitch from the very
beginning and a villain from the very beginning so i don't know how her good publicity was selling
anything but apparently it's killed fabellini's and not the metallic poisonous taste of it.
I was about to say, I think Fabellini was doomed.
I mean, it made Vicky's Bloody Piggy look appetizing.
And they did not help sell it on the show as they talked about where it's being stored.
They're like, oh, it was made in Italy, and now it's just sitting in a warehouse or like it's sitting in like some
rental storage.
I'm picturing like one of those like rental storage unit things.
It looks like a train car that all of the cast of walking dead was being
murdered in this week.
Anybody watches that?
But that's how I picture it.
Just like zombies attacking this.
Fabulini cart.
Was there even a need for Fabellinis?
Was there like this uprising of people saying,
I like champagne, but I wish I could just get a Bellini instead right now.
I know I could make it, but wouldn't it be great if it was made for me right this second?
I could just crack it open. I wish that I could have a Fabulini.
I wish I had a Bellini that was, like, stored in the heat for months at a time before it was served to me.
That sounds delicious.
And Andy's like, well, how about your businesses?
You know, Fabulini, ouch, that must hurt, right?
And Teresa's like, well, yeah.
You know, we had to use our own money for that.
I mean, that was our money. You understand you know we had to use our own money for that i mean that was our money you understand that right that was our own money so like wow teresa congratulations
so out of the 14 million dollars that you owe debtors um none of that is for favolini wow
that how big of you yeah congratulations on putting your money towards a doomed business
idea i mean the thing is this we saw last season, it was like Joe and Teresa going to a winery and taste testing this shit.
If there's anything that's going to make me not want to buy a drink is knowing that Joe Giudice was one of the master chefs behind it.
And didn't they fuck at the winery? Was it them who
did it behind a tree at the winery?
No, that was a different...
I think it was a different winery.
Oh, that was in Napa.
Oh god, this show.
Too many memories of this show
that I don't need to be remembering.
Did you watch any of Manzo's?
No, I refrained. Did you watch it?
I watched a little bit of it because i any show that comes on bravo i try and find a recapper for right because i figure we talk
about it people are interested whatever so we got a recapper for manzo's this bitch is so fucking
funny i was reading her recap and i was like this shit looks actually good and then i watched it and
it wasn't good but the recap was very funny and basically it's lauren just being an awful awful c word yeah um
because her boyfriend or her boyfriend slip her brother is uh dating like some porn star or some
or some girl who looks like a porn star she's pretty so lauren hates her basically what's going
on and i'm not hiding it at all. And part of me feels horrible for Lauren
and the other part of me just
wants to laugh my ass off at her.
And one of the comments on the recap was
you know, that's what Albie gets
for taking a fat girl to the prom
now she'll never let him go.
So true.
So yeah, I'm not watching it
but I'm really enjoying watching it from the sidelines.
Just give her a tub of egg salad and she'll be happy.
Oh my god, she will never be happy.
She will never be happy!
No, she won't.
She will be a terror.
God bless her heart.
I feel bad for Vito, but then again...
God bless her cholesterol Latin heart.
God bless the cheesy poofs that are filling up her arteries
um so was there anything else in that theresa and joe interview i'm trying there were some
other things i just can't remember all i can remember are the bottles i remember the first
interview i actually had some pity for them because i was like oh my god they're literally
just so stupid yeah that they really didn't know what they oh my god they're literally just so stupid yeah that they really
didn't know what they were doing like they're literally that stupid but then of course i had
a week and when they came on again and were just obviously lying about every fucking thing and then
they started going into weird things from the past oh here's something that that i'm remembering that
i really like so andy was like so will melissa and
joe be adopting your children like you know andy like he's terrible so he said something close he
didn't say that exactly but something around that like will they be helping with your children
and theresa just started her neck veins started bulging out and she was like no i don't know why
everybody's asking that we have a huge family uh we've got grandmas and grandpas and aunts and
uncles and then and then he starts
which i thought was hilarious so she still hates melissa and joe and um the other thing was he oh
god ronnie get a memory ronnie get your memory back um the other thing was andy was giving her
shit about saying that the show was scripted because she was telling the judge oh i'm not
this bitch you see on TV.
This is highly edited, which is true.
I mean, yes, Teresa's a liar,
but of course those shows are scripted and full of crap.
We all know it.
And he's like, oh, so you said the show was scripted and she's like, you know, trying to backpedal or whatever.
And he's like, so was it scripted when you threw the table?
Did we ask you to do that?
And she's like, no.
And he's like, well, was it scripted when you na-na-na-na-na? Like trying to say that it's not scripted when you threw the table did we ask you to do that and she's like no and he's like well was it scripted when you know like trying to say that it's not scripted or whatever he's
being a real bitch about he's such a cunt because it's so fucking scripted but then he's so stupid
too like this is the thing i loved about it he's as stupid as they are he's like well was it
scripted you know your whole relation with your your whole relationship with your family is that
scripted and she's like no but you tricked me by getting them on there and not telling me like how is that not scripted
like it might not be an exact script but you fucking tricked me into all of that you know
so fuck him he's so full of shit yeah but um otherwise it was really fun to watch them squirm
and it was really fun watching andy pretend that he's barbara walters when he can't he still can't even get his like ins and outs on time yeah no i i agree i wish i could there were
there were some other funny things but at this point i just i can't remember them i don't laugh
as much at this one this one i was just like go to jail already jesus christ we're gonna have to
put up with you when you come back so i guess we should segue into new jersey right yeah now first
of all what I'm surprised about
with New Jersey
is that midway through the episode,
we started seeing little things
on the bottom of the screen
saying that the season finale
is next week.
Now, that made me happy
because I'm like,
put the season to sleep already.
Yeah, the season needs to go to bed.
But this was a short season,
I thought.
I was actually a little surprised.
Really short.
It's only episode 13.
Yeah.
Which just goes to show that it
was it was a crap and in fact i went back to watch the um the like the preview spot not the special
but like the trailer for the season because i was like i feel like that maybe they've just like
like they cut stuff out but they didn't i i looked at the trailer and i realized
that we've covered most of the stuff in the trailer. Well, I heard there was supposed to be an Atlantic City trip.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought in the trailer, that there was an Atlantic City trip
and then Amber and I thought that Amber and Dina got into a fight,
but I was, I don't know.
I seem to remember in the trailer a scene where they're sitting around
like a craps table or like a blackjack table
and i didn't see it in the trailer this time yeah i think that they probably cut it out but um i
think that they just were like bye because this season's gotten so ridiculous the twins apparently
were like threatening to quit because of that rumor which like who cares you're bringing nothing
to the show just leave yeah the twins are awful and they're awful and it's also like
they're hard to it's it's literally like it's you can't figure out you i never know which one's
which on screen it's like for the viewer it's actually a difficult proposition to have to like
follow these two hideous culotta fans who you who look look the same talk the same and have
no distinguishing personality except that one has a husband and one has a hanger on.
I mean, if you took away their bodices.
Oh, no.
If you basically took away their Jersey whore outfits, they would look like Tim Burton characters.
They would.
Don't you think?
They would look like the puppet things., um, the puppet things that if it feels like it'd be like,
nightmare on what's it Christmas,
Christmas nightmare.
What nightmare,
nightmare before Christmas,
nightmare before Christmas. Yes.
They look like those people with like their faces all sewn up and shit.
I feel like they look like they could be like claymation,
stop motion dogs that would be like friends with Edward,
stir hands up in his castle.
Everybody
loves us!
Where's Edward?
I can't believe that Edward left us
at the castle.
Listen, I expect
a lot from my friends and
Teresa is not a friend. Listen,
I was there for her from the very beginning
from day one with all of her legal I was there for her from the very beginning, from day one, with all of her legal friends.
From the very beginning.
I was there for her from day one.
Yeah.
I was there for her from day one because I wanted to be on the TV show, so I wanted to be in with her.
How was she there from day one?
You don't even know her.
You've shot with her for two days.
Because I bought her a culotta, okay? I bought her a culotta, and I don't buy people culottas unless I bought a culotta for Bobby and for Teresa, okay?
And I only buy them for people I love, okay?
And I love Teresa from day one.
All right, let's start at the beginning of this episode.
Melissa and Amber go to lunch.
And Melissa is suddenly Amber's best friend which is weird and she's also
giving her advice and
she's also forgiving her and saying
no one blames her for the actions of her
shitty husband which I think is so funny
because that's like the theme of this show
pretty much
like everybody's going to be going to jail
because of deals their husbands made
and I'm not buying Melissa and i'm not buying melissa and i'm not
buying amber either and amber is so meek now amber is only crazy when she's around the twins
everyone else is very meek and trying to be their friend yeah because because the other people are
established famous people so like the twins are nothing so she's she so she knows that when she's
around the other people she she's on best behavior.
She's like, cancer, cancer, cancer, I love you, cancer.
Yeah.
Well, she knows how the world works in the Housewives because – I mean, not her.
But the twins know how the world works in the Housewives because they're going after the big fish.
Yeah.
They're like, you want to be on top?
You need to take down the top.
It's like the whole thing that happened with Vanderpoop last year.
Everybody's trying to go for Teresa.
Of course, Lisa's no Lisa.
I mean, Teresa's no Lisa.
Right.
The thing with Teresa is that she's so easy to take down, by the way.
They take her down like every season.
I used to have such a temper.
I used to have such a temper.
But, you know, now look at me.
Now look at me.
Now look at me.
I have tempers.
But, you know, I mature.
You know, I grow.
I grow.
You know, Andy, I grow.
I used to have a temper.
I have what do you call these?
A temper?
A temper?
Yeah, yeah, a temper.
You know, I'd go into a used house and I'd be like, what is this?
But then I'd be like, Melania, no.
I'm just trying to keep my temper on the floor.
So, Jackie has one of the twins over, whichever.
Oh, yeah.
Jacqueline.
And Kathy's over there.
And I love that Kathy and Jackie both got fired from the Housewives and basically just started eating.
Because I think that that's what anybody who gets fired from TV should do.
It's like, you're not on TV anymore.
Have a sandwich.
They did.
They look extremely happy.
But, man, it's really not cool to fire somebody and then call them last second to try and save a season.
Because that's all they do is eat.
And then all they do is bring out plates of food
there were like 20 gigantic plates of food i know well i also liked how like the twin was like
well i'm very interested to meet this jackie because i hear she's a troublemaker and i'm like
since when has jacklyn been a troublemaker you know like she does nothing she just sits around
and sniffles yeah she is crazy well she's a troublemaker on Twitter, but she's not real life.
So everybody knows that.
Anybody who has Twitter knows that.
You don't even have to be following Jackie because she'll be tweeting President Obama for not calling her back.
That's just crazy.
I have a question.
So when I watched the trailer for the season, there was a scene when Teresa was like, I know how to spell bitch.
It's K-A-T-H-Y.
And then they show a close-up
of like one of Kathy's cannolis
like on a plate.
And do we see that this season?
Did we see this moment?
No.
They cut, I'm telling you,
they cut so much of the season.
They basically cut eight hours
of the season out, right?
Because don't they normally go
to like 20 or 21?
So I guess they cut out
My Master's Parable. It's so low rated.
Yeah, I think it's because it's so low rated
and there's no story.
And I mean, I've never seen a season like this, honestly.
That's just been,
you feel like they're making it on the fly.
They're inserting these random scenes
with Kathy and Jacqueline.
It's just so, it's so slapdash.
Not even Miami season one,
which was a whole different show
that they had to redo.
Not even that was as incoherent as this season.
Yeah, this makes no sense.
They can't get anybody to talk to each other.
And they're all actors.
And Bobby saying that he's going to marry the twin within a year is total bullshit.
Nothing they do really comes across as real.
And I don't normally mind that.
It's not like I'm looking for realism but there is nothing going on and then when you're bringing kathy and jacqueline
back who are saying oh they're they're there to support uh theresa but the second you get
give them a chance all they do is yap at theresa um chris is calling her felonini which is pretty
hilarious and um then so basically the twin tells them all this juicy gossip of oh there's
this rumor going around that vagina they're calling her dirty vagina gaudy for whatever
reason i don't really understand and i was like good one guys it's a really good one vg vagina
and she's like it's a dirty vagina oh wow good one elevate it yeah you know take something take
a seat and elevate it okay so they're calling're calling her Dirty Vagina Gotti or whatever.
She's like, and someone's read the rumor.
And then Teresa told somebody.
And then Kathy's like, who would even repeat that?
Who would do that?
I mean, it's someone's family.
It's someone's mother.
Who would do that?
What a horrible place.
Kathy, calm down, okay?
Your real anger is the fact that
theresa bought one of your cannoli kits and turned it into a business making cannolis
stop pretending you're mad about something else fabanoli fababoli ebola
hey hey one of my new cannolis is called the Ebola cannoli.
Ebola.
It's called the I can, but Kathy can't-oli.
I can't-oli.
So then Kathy and Jacqueline start having a fit about how awful Teresa is and blah, blah, blah.
And look, Teresa is awful.
I'm not disagreeing with any of that, but come on, Teresa didn't do this. And especially
to get them so riled up that
next week the twins are saying, oh,
karma's a bitch, clink, clink, clink, clink.
Like, making handcuff gestures
and saying that Teresa deserves to go
to jail, and she's a criminal, she betrayed
them. They're going after her like she's
done something to them, and Teresa doesn't even
fucking know these twats. And I have to say mean listen i i've always hated theresa since season
one i'm like the reverse the twin like i did not support her from day one i was anti-support
but um that being said karma is a bitch but the karma is not coming from the fact that she told
dina about the rumor and that was it you You know, like, she didn't really...
When she even said it, she even said it in a way
that was like, this rumor is ridiculous.
I don't think I should...
I think it sounds crazy. You know, like,
it wasn't really a terrible
instance of gossiping, but these twins
are like, they're making it sound
like it's like the Rosenbergs
passing along nuclear secrets.
They're yappy little fame whores
they're so obnoxious they they went after i mean look amber's an idiot too but they the second they
heard anything about amber they went fucking crazy on amber and here's the thing about these rumors
that we're hearing about these twins this season so one of them is that one of them broke up a
family right yeah so we never heard the end we never heard that story so that was squ for whatever reason. We never even heard what that rumor really was, which means it's probably true.
And she threatened to sue. And then the next one is that the husband is fucking the mother in law, which no one really denies for hours.
And it turns out during that Atlantic, sorry, Florida trip, the twins were refusing to film like they left or one of the twins left and
was refusing to film and they had to like talk her into coming back and that's why she showed
back up at dinner so these bitches i think are just always threatening threatening to quit and
pulling an adrian maloof and threatening to sue the network or something and that's probably why
they cut the season short now that's all conjecture but i'm glad i mean i guess we owe them thanks
because this is getting painful yeah
bravo's gotta do some gotta do some major revamping because the ratings have been terrible
and you know the thing is it's the only housewife franchise on the air right now and i think that
bravo thought oh well jersey it's like our second highest rated franchise i'm sure like it will it'll
be fine to carry carry us through this part of the season. But no, I mean, Bravo, I wonder how this is affecting Bravo,
because the show is in the shitter.
Shaz the Sunset was supposed to premiere this month,
and it was pushed because of a labor issue,
although now they've resolved it, so it should be coming back soon.
So it's really been just like New Jersey and Below Deck that have been holding up.
I don't know how Below Deck's ratings are.
I'm assuming they're pretty good.
But it's not a marquee franchise the way Jersey is.
Yeah, Jersey, they really dropped the ball with this.
I mean, Kathy was kind of boring as hell,
but why would they have gotten rid of the cast?
Wasn't it doing really well last year?
Why were they firing people?
I mean, I think that Caroline wanted to leave.
I don't know. Someone, whoever's overseeing this stuff has to like they need to swap this person out because
they kind of messed up new york even though i loved new york last season um they you know new
york's ratings suffered because they did a big cast overhaul two years ago so like they've they've
hurt new york they've now hurt new jersey the only cast i'm trying to think
of was there another cast that had like a major overhaul miami um miami orange county i mean if
you look at orange county from year to year they have pretty major overhauls but they usually only
they usually only bring in like one or two like two at a time yeah i think that when you bring
in too many new people i think if you bring in three or more people. Don't do like two at a time, yeah. I think that when you bring in too many new people, I think if you bring in three or more people,
viewers, they resist.
And then, first of all,
there are a lot of people who don't give the shows
as much leeway as we do,
because there's some people who see three new people
and they immediately say,
ah, it's not the same, I'm not going to watch anymore.
They just do it automatically,
which I think is unfair.
But in the case of
jersey they had the right instinct but i went to the dentist recently and um you know she's always
at whenever i go to her she's like oh what shows you guys talking about and we were talking about
jersey and she's like that's my favorite one i said really do you still like it and she goes i
love that show it's so crazy so i mean i don't know maybe we're being too picky yeah who knows
um the only one the only cast that
have been really, the only shows that have
managed
cast change as well has been OC and Atlanta
because they only do about two people at most.
And they keep their big crazies
on. Yeah. Now, watching
Manzos, I'm really glad Caroline's not back.
I'm glad Jackie's not back
and now seeing her again because of her,
I mean, seriously with the
autism stop already just stop all she does is sob all the time about autism okay a lot of people
have children with autism and they're strong and they move forward with life jackie okay yeah stop
using it for airtime and crying you're just a fucking another normal mother in the world stop
feeling so sorry for yourself and give your son a chance you fucking cry baby stop it she's just doing it for attention it's so obnoxious and then this one
when the twins like oh you know there's a spectrum right there's a spectrum of autism i'm like really
you don't think she knows there's a fucking spectrum of autism well it is jackie so it's
there's a chance that's true she's like she's, there's a spectrum here. Let me explain. It's sort of like if you have a colada that has coffee and a colada that's just vanilla.
And that's like a spectrum of coladas.
But then instead of coladas, just put autistic kids in there instead.
Coladas cause autism.
You know what you got to do to save autism?
Just give them a lot of coladas.
I don't vaccinate my kids.
I give them coladas instead.
Oh my god.
There are such strong mothers out there who are dealing with autism.
And to see someone just being a pity party and using it for TV time is getting fucking pathetic.
And it's making me feel like I have a child with autism and I'm getting really pissed off.
I know. Meanwhile,
speaking of milking,
like, physical
ailments, then you have...
You cut off. I'm assuming God is
stopping you from talking about milking.
God was like, can you hear me now?
All I was saying was
that, speaking of
people who are milking things, then you have Amber, who had a photo shoot for her cancer, where she showed off the scars from her mastectomy and everything.
And, you know, it's a shame because it actually should have been a very lovely segment of her getting these photos and her hair.
It was sort of like a nice little photo shoot.
But she's talked about this cancer so much that by the time we got to this part of the season where she's having what should be a nice moment, I'm just like, shut the fuck up about the cancer and your angel wings that are clipped and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Clipped angel wings.
I know.
And I'm sure those were not angel wings.
And that photographer, who lets them shoot them like that?
Okay, the photographer was was laying on the ground.
Who gets shot from below?
Nobody who's ever taken a selfie.
And then that seemed like a mess.
And then she put all those pictures in the Photoshop or whatever
and made them look like paintings.
And then they hung them to sell them in the Olive Garden or some shit.
And then they were sitting in the Olive Garden surrounded by those pictures.
I was like, god and then the scene at the stables with um jim fake crying and then getting down on
his knees and beating the ground i was like come on i know it's so ridiculous um you know and the
thing is the photos the first photo that they showed was actually i thought looked artistic
i was like oh wow they actually got some good photos and then the rest were so cheesy it was
like her with a horse.
It was the kind of stuff you see preloaded in a picture frame at Target,
you know, that you, like, throw out.
Like, oh, look, it's a girl with a horse.
Black and white.
By the way, my dream job is to be in those frames.
Do you know how many people are just dreaming of getting cancer
so they can get paintings of themselves in the Olive Garden?
You can't just get that anywhere, okay have to be special guys yeah i'm really
sick of hearing about everybody's fucking possible diseases everybody's children's diseases and then
theresa's made up bullshit diseases because she's so stupid she takes gia to get their nails done
and she's talking about how gia has to go to all these bat mitzvahs.
And just in case the nail lady doesn't know what that is, which fucking idiot.
She's like, those are parties.
They're becoming a woman.
That's their religion.
And then she's talking about something like how Gia can't have babies until she's married or something.
And she's like, that's the Italian religion.
And I was like, I wish she was being funny.
Yeah.
But knowing Teresa, she's not being funny.
No.
She doesn't know.
She can't explain what getting her tubes tied means.
And why would you need to get your tubes tied, Teresa?
Come on, lady.
She's like, you know, it's what you do when you, like, you know, you go to a Jiffy Lube and you say, I want to tie my tubes.
And then they tie your tubes.
And that's all, Gia.
Yeah, it's like you need to get your belt changed.
But they're like, this belt is so old, there's no use in changing it.
Just do it until the car breaks down.
You understand, Gia?
Gia's like, ugh.
Gia's just like, can I go back to my pop?
Can I go back to my pop group now?
Yeah.
I wonder where Teresa got her tubes tied
like i have visions of like it being like in the next in the same strip mall where danielle
stop got her boobs fixed do you remember when she got her boobs fixed and her plastic surgeon was
like literally in a strip mall with like a neon sign with like half the letters like burnt out
it's probably at like kim d's store like an addressing the posh tube tying event
i miss i miss kim d i actually so i'm writing for uh this site called ranker.com and um i'm
writing i'm basically i'm compiling lists and slideshows about tv and i pitched a whole bunch
of real housewives ones uh because I said I could get an audience
so hopefully everyone will go read my stuff on Ranker.
And one of the things,
one of the slideshows that I've written
is the best hair of the Real Housewives
and I think it's going to get published today or tomorrow
and I put Kim D on the list
because I felt like even though she's not a Real Housewife,
those hair fangs are legendary.
Oh my god, best hair.
That girl looks like she's, it real housewife those hair fangs are legendary oh my god best hair that girl looks like
she's she it looks like kindle wait let me wait let me let me say something the word best the
worst best has a lot of interpretations when i say best i mean like like you can't help but like
love how awful it is you know yeah i know what you mean dan all right i'm not theresa
i just want to make sure i want to make sure you haven't had one too many clatters
um god best hair best wigs go to who has hair on these shows these bitches are all really bald
actually what was really hard is that i had the list had to be between 20 and 35 items long and
i'm like at a certain point i'm like oh, oh, God, I'll just throw this.
That's like the whole cast.
I know.
I was just throwing so many women up there.
I put Caroline Manzo up there, for crying out loud.
Caroline Manzo for best hair?
She just got the notorious, notorious best hair of all time.
I ranked her low.
I just basically said she had mom hair.
I said, good for her for not trying to
be like super glamorous and she just has mom hair and that's it you know how when sometimes you get
a haircut i mean i don't but i used to like you'll get a haircut and it's awful and then people look
at you and they don't know what to say so they just go oh my god you got your hair cut nice haircut
nice nice haircut i think that caroline just couldn't hear the confusion in their voice Oh my God, you got your haircut. Nice haircut. Nice. Nice haircut.
I think that Caroline just couldn't hear the confusion in their voice.
Right.
And thought people said good haircut and just kept doing that to herself over and over.
I mean, that's embarrassing. If you look at Caroline from season to season for like the five seasons or whatever that she was on, yikes.
Well, her first season, her hair was so terrible.
I mean, she looked like the woman who sings
I Love the Nightlife,
but with red hair.
Have you ever...
You know Alicia What's-Her-Face?
I love the nightlife.
It's Alicia Bridges.
I like the foot guy.
She's like this big,
bulldog.
Caroline's hair is actually
better than it ever has been.
Oh, yeah.
It actually looks good right now.
And I think I gave it...
I did give her props
for the way it looks now. i although what i really wanted to do was find a picture of her
from that one episode remember that one episode where she did something really weird to her hair
that like her whole family made fun of her she like put like gel in her hair and it's like sort
of like sticking like oh yeah she slicked it back i wanted to find a picture of that because that
was like a notable hairstyle that would have been good for the list, but it was too hard to find an image.
So funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could not think of who has the best hair, man.
Well, you know, it's funny.
I can say – well, first of all, let me say that the way this website works is I create the list, but people can go and they can vote.
They can upvote and downvote.
So as a result, if you really think that Caroline has the worst hair,
you just give it a thumbs down and she'll go to the
bottom of the pack. So I can
tell you that the, I can tell you
my, I think the top three or four,
which will be a good segue, because
I think number one, I actually gave to Joyce
from Yoice, from
Beverly Hills. Oh yeah, yeah.
Good call. And then I
said, actually here, let me just pull it up. Let me pull this up.
You guys are getting some sneak preview into my
little... What a
thrill! I know.
Alright, I have... Gosh.
You know, the picture I chose of
Caroline, too, for this list is hilarious, because
it's so mom. Okay, so
number one, I put Joyce.
And this is not like a spoiler, because the way the list works
is you start with number one.
Then I put Kyle Richards as number two.
Anything.
I think that's good, right?
Kyle Richards.
Well, I mean it's just like people with the most hair.
Yeah.
Well, no, but people love her hair.
They love her hair.
That's because it's so fucking long.
You know who doesn't love her hair?
Whoever has to clean her shower.
Yeah.
Mauricio.
Maurice.
Yeah.
I'm going to skip number –
Like, fuck you, babe.
I'm going to – so for – I'm going to skip number three.
I'll get back to number three.
So number four, I said, was Lisa Vanderpump.
So we have a strong, strong presence with the Beverly Hills woman here because Lisa Vanderpump has sexy hair.
She does.
The way I described it in the article is that it's like an homage to Kelly LeBrock but in a good way like it's not in a dated
way it's like the way that it made Kelly LeBrock look sexy in the 80s is the way it makes Lisa
look sexy um I put for number five Cynthia Bailey because she looks I mean I mean Cynthia yeah
Cynthia's got great hair she has great hair she's beautiful number six I actually put down Alexia
well you know Peter Peter love my hair I actually put down Alexia. Well, you know, Peter. Peter loved my hair.
You don't like Alexia's
hair?
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Black is beautiful.
Oh, we lost Ronnie.
I keep cutting out. I missed a good Alexia thing.
No, no, you're back. You're back. It's okay.
Alexia's like all my hair.
Well, you know, Peter loves my hair.
Peter loves my hair. The first thing happened when frankie was in an accident peter came into my bed and he
played with my hair like oh well you know he's an artist you know it was heartbreaking yeah oh
well you know peter he'd like he like put a tattoo of my hair on his body so it looks like he has
blonde chest hair but it's really a tattoo of my hair. Because, you know, he's an artist.
For number seven, I put Kenya.
Because she got a good weave going on.
And then I have Kelly Ben Simone as number eight.
I like her hair.
Uh-huh.
I don't know.
I mean, Ben, you're really fagging out at this point. Well, what else am I supposed to do?
The topic is about hair.
This is a lot of hair talk. i have not noticed that much hair i mean that makes me the
butch one in this group i don't listen i don't know okay i have to say i've only noticed probably
about like four haircuts but when you have to sit and make a list about hair then you notice the hair
you have to sit oh my gosh anyway it's time that we just got real jobs okay right well this is a
real job sadly um okay but the point, this is a real job, sadly.
Okay, but the point is this.
Number three, I put for number three for best hair, Miss Gina Liano.
Oh, Gina.
Oh, Gina.
What a terrible thing to say, Ben.
Gina, what a terrible thing to do your scalp.
Gina has probably made a hole in the ozone layer with all the hairspray that she's used on that hair.
And I would agree, it's lovely. Nice big quaffs. It's just gigantic.
It's like a piece of art.
It's like junior league hair from the 80s.
So that's the perfect
transition, I think, to talk about
Real Housewives of Melbourne.
Alright, let's talk about the Real Housewives
of Melbourne. Let's talk about it.
You know, I feel like last week we discussed about how Alex Perry, who's the host, how he had to shut down his Twitter because people thought that he was like on the side of the bullies and all that.
And I was like, I don't know.
But this episode, he was kissing Lydia and Andrew's ass so hard.
This week, I was thinking the same
thing i was like oh now i see why people were calling him a bully because he was totally
i wouldn't say i mean i think bullies may be too big of a word but i could see that he was
definitely on their side which who would do that didn't you read the social media before you came
to do this show haven't you watched this show don't you know
they're flaming cunts like listen we can argue about the word cunt and how appropriate it is or
isn't to use when talking about a woman but those two are cunts okay yeah but you agree with the
word or not those two are a kazunt and he went out of his way to like imbue warm characteristics
on them so like he would ask lydia he'd be like so lydia
what do you think about chairs and she'll be like uh well you know chairs are good to sit on and
he'd be like oh well i think that shows they have a wonderful sense of humor and that you really know
a lot of things about chairs and interior design and architecture in general so totally good on you
like darling totally agree with you what a wonderful thing to say oh you are so intelligent
i love the whole thing where they showed l Lydia just being stupid because she can't speak.
And she's like, well, you know, the imaginate of the way that people dance.
It's the way that you look through a baby's eye and you see it imaginating.
And then it sits.
And then it breathes air.
And you think, wow, air, wow.
I mean, bitch cannot form a sentence it was
embarrassing it was like three minutes of solid embarrassing stupidity and he's like oh darling
that was wonderful how wonderful to see it i just think you're adorable yeah he was sexist is that
he's like you're so stupid that's so cute i know and i hated the way he kept on referring to Jackie as shiny.
He's like, what do you say about that, shiny?
I'm like, shut up.
Take the sunglasses off your stupid head.
That fucking shine, shine, shine montage was so cringe.
Shine, shine, shine.
Like, stop trying so hard.
You're like fucking Heather with her champs.
I know. fucking heather with her champs i know well the the thing is that with this with this uh reunion
episode the first like 15 or 20 minutes seemed totally random they'd have these like quick
segments uh it was like it was like general pleasantries like there was that segment with
mr figueroa where they had like five minutes of like footage of mr figueroa which admittedly was
very cute and funny and then then he's like i know please welcome mr figaro and then this dog comes like ambling up onto stage gets onto the couch and he's like so figaro what do you
think about the couch and and then she was like well i think that what mr figaro would say is that
he likes it very much he's like well thank you thank you for coming out here mr figaro and then
the dog walks away it's just like what is it because the other ladies they were calling their
husbands they're like oh let's bring the husband in oh let's bring your husband in and then poor lydia is like old man who just
like treats her like crap and uses her for her flaming c-word um won't show up of course or
record a message so she has her dog poor thing well at least they didn't bring out the maid that
she found out in front of her house i I thought that was impressive. That's what I was expecting.
I know.
And I thought it was funny because Figaro wasn't wearing a sweater.
So Alex goes, oh, he's having some nudie time.
He's having some nudie time.
Well, last week people were tweeting us and Facebooking us about how this Alex guy is straight and married.
Yeah, which is bullshit.
So I don't know what the hell you guys have going on in Australia,
but that is now two men on this show who are blatantly gay.
So what is up with gay rights in Australia?
Do you not have them?
Are people still scared?
Is it a generational thing where the older guys just aren't used to having
that option?
What is it?
Because those two are faggito burritos.
And I'm talking about you husband to
chica well i think you also have to include mr figaro in that because there's no way that mr
figaro is a straight dog okay he loves eating from crockery not a plastic bucket well every
dog sniffs butts but they can't suck a dick so i don't think that it's the same kind of gay
yeah um the other thing that i thought was funny was at one point they were talking to janet
i think they were trying to, I don't remember why.
Maybe they're asking her about like, why did she report the things that she heard in the
bathroom?
I don't know.
And so she's like, well, I was just trying to gild the lily, you know, just trying to
gild the lily.
And then people were like, what does gild the lily mean?
She's like, you know, just trying to make something nicer.
I'm like, no, that's actually not gilding.
The lily means you take something that's beautiful and you destroy it with excess. Right? Yeah. So I'm like, Janet, that's actually not – gilding the lily means you take something that's beautiful and you destroy it with excess, right?
So I'm like, Janet, get your expressions right.
I liked when –
Zing.
Zing.
I like when they were saying something about Janet and she was – oh, no, they were asking – because they were attacking Gina the whole time about what a bitch Gina is.
And one of the things was
about janet and he's like why would janet lie first of all we've seen janet lie about 30 times
this season so why anyone's asking why janet would lie is blatant uh favoritism but when he's like
why would janet lie about that jana and she's like because she's old she can't remember anything
her memory's gone.
And Dad's like, yes, well, that's true.
And they're like, what an awful thing to say, Gina. She's like, Alex.
How could you?
Alex, can I give you my insight?
Can I give you my insight?
That was an awful thing for Gina to say.
How awful.
By the way, and I love that they continue to do that.
Something that makes me so happy when we podcast is when we pick up on a small thing and we make, like, a joke about it for half the podcast.
And then I sometimes wonder if people think it's as funny as we think it is.
But then when you see that joke, like, come to fruition, like, in the next show, you're like, yes, we were.
Yes, because they just kept going the whole time.
Oh, how could you?
Why would you say that, Gina?
I mean, that whole argument about her being...
I mean, we've talked it to death,
but I mean, I guess they have too.
The cunt argument?
They're still talking about...
Yes, the cunt argument.
It's just so stupid.
It's like, oh my God, a cunt gate.
Yeah, cunt gate.
I feel like that's what every teenager should have
and it's only unlocked when they're ready.
Yeah.
But yeah, Gina went to the bathroom.
I honestly don't think she thought she was being taped.
So she's thinking she can say the F word and call everyone cunts and this and that, thinking it's not going to be on camera.
And that's why when she's saying, well, yeah, I would never say that to somebody because it's demeaning and it hurts her feelings and they're like but you did say it and she's like yeah but i would never say
it to her face and they're like oh well that makes it better it does make it better yeah
she makes it better gina did herself no favors you know as an attorney she really made a bad
case for herself because what she needed to say was you know it would be one thing if i said
if i walked in and said you're a cunt that's like aggressive and rude but if i'm pissed off of anger, and she did say this, you know, and I say to someone in what I think is private, like, you know what?
She's kind of like a cunt for what she's doing right now.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
You know, that's fine.
Where Gina really got herself messed up was when she denied that she said cunt.
And then they played the clip, and then she said, oh, I never called you a cunt.
I said, I'm going to call you a cunt.
But I never did call you a cunt, which was – that was honestly piss poor.
And then Alex –
But true.
It's true.
That's what she said when she was in the bathroom.
She says, I'm going to go up to Lydia and say, you're a cunt.
Why would you do that?
Right.
But then the funny thing, though, was that Alex was like, well, then let's watch the rest of the clip, huh?
And then they showed the whole clip and she's like, yeah, Lydia's a cunt.
Lydia's a cunt.
So she calls her a cunt many, many times.
And it's funny because Gina was so stuck.
But Gina's fault is that she needs to show a little bit of culpability.
Yeah, just admit it.
I mean, who cares?
You called her a cunt.
All you have to say is, look, I called you a cunt because you're starting all this trouble with all these women for no reason with me and how do you think it feels when i show up
thinking i'm gonna be at a friendly dinner and everybody suddenly against me because of stuff
that you told them that's not cool i'm sorry i called you a cunt but honestly that's how i felt
at the time and stop being so fucking sensitive and stop being sensitive about me saying you
married your husband for money when you obviously did no one marries a guy with hairy tits down to his knees because they get a fucking
boner for him okay bitch yeah please oh ronnie what a terrible thing to say that's right because
i'm a cunt okay and i will wear it like a jersey excuse me but um you are just awful awful ronnie what an awful thing to say how could you gene
oh jean
i love when uh i love her when gina just she just like shuts it all down maybe like you're an absolutely hideous human being can we go back to how stupid uh jackie is okay look we don't give jackie enough shit on
the show because i kind of like that she's confident and she's kooky and she doesn't give
a crap like i've enjoyed watching her on the show but she is so full of shit and she really got on
my nerves in this reunion part two first of all that shine shine shine thing has always annoyed me but seeing the
montage of it really pissed me off stop trying to make shine shine shine happen okay yeah second
with her psychic first okay first of all and second of all and third of all fourth of all
she called people cunts too so what's the different so she can say it but because she
said she was sorry it's okay right it's not okay you still fucking said you're sorry the whole
you still it's just you still say god so anyway um her when ben came on and
alex is like well don't you think you look a little bit you know do you mind being called
a rock star and he's like well you know i don't like being uh i don't you think you look a little bit, you know, do you mind being called a rock star? And he's like, well, you know, I don't like
being, I don't like talking about
money, you know, that's not just me.
And I really don't like it. And he's a
really cool guy, but of course that's all his wife does
is talk about how much money he has, how much money
he's spending on every little thing, and she
looks like a total shallow idiot.
And then she goes, you know, and
Alex is kind of hinting at that, and then she goes,
oh, well, let's not forget, I make my own money. Bullshit, you make your own money, please. What do you know, and Alex is kind of hinting at that. And then she goes, oh, well, let's not forget.
I make my own money.
Yeah.
Bullshit.
You make your own money, please.
What do you get?
Twenty dollars for a reading every couple of months at a party?
No, honey, you do not make your own money.
I don't believe it.
And then she refused to see the person again for two years.
Isn't that what you said?
So I don't know how you make money.
That's none of that is true.
I think that's how she's explaining away the fact that she's not working.
Yeah, because she can only see a customers every two years because you shouldn't rely on a
psychic for your life what kind of business person is that of course you should be relying on me for
your life you need me or you can't live that's how you earn your own money i do not believe her
that she earns her own money that's bullshit absolutely not absolutely why is her husband always having to buy her things well i think uh yeah i mean jackie was being annoying i mean i i sort of
understood her point which was to say like look you came down on me so hard for saying cunt and
then here you go and you're saying it and you are like not sort of like owning up to it and so i
understood her for her frustration with that to be totally honest. But I still thought Gina, I don't know,
I understood why Gina used the C word.
I understood why she was so angry.
Well, I don't remember Jackie saying the C word.
Yeah, I don't remember that either.
I missed an episode or two in the beginning of the season,
so maybe it happened then.
I've watched them all, and I don't remember her saying that,
so I'm not sure.
Did she call Gina that? I didn't get that part of the fight
someone will tell us in the comments i'm sure because i feel stupid for missing it but yeah
um i think gina was just saying yeah but i'm saying it in the bathroom when i don't think
i'm being miked or whatever and i'm not making excuses i think that's what she really thinks
but yeah i agree with you she just needs to say yeah i was wrong for calling you a cunt but maybe
you should stop acting like a cunt because people have more respect if you just stand by you know everyone doesn't have to be so pc all
the time if you're going to be the kind of person who calls people a cunt just own it like that like
yeah i agree i agree and you know janet may have actually had a point when she said the thing is
with um with gina is that since she's a lawyer she's like afraid to have anything definitive
on record so she may have a point to that, but I agree.
Everyone's on Gina's side.
The public is on her side.
I don't know if she's aware of that or if she was at the time.
But all she had to do was just sort of own up to it and been like,
you know what, I did call you a cunt because you guys were being awful to me.
Yeah, I know.
She needs to act a little bit more like a victim and less defensive.
Yeah. But you live and less defensive. Yeah.
But, you know, you live and you learn.
There's always season two.
One of my favorite lines was Lydia's,
Why are you so obsessed with me and how I have to wash my vagina?
Hey, you know what I call a vagina?
I call it a thing that women have to give birth through.
Oh, Andrea was just trying so hard.
Oh, the best part was when Gina said something like,
oh, well, you know, you guys were saying something behind my back.
And Andrea goes, we've never said anything behind your back.
Oh, my God.
What?
Bitch, please.
Are you crazy?
Jackie is physically sick oh i put jackie is probably is physically sick and has to leave probably from her own terrible drink i know
probably from the espresso martini that alex perry was like well i don't drink but that tastes lovely
and i would i would totally drink it if i could i would totally break my my sobriety just so i
could drink that piece of shit because you you're so wonderful, shine, shiny.
I also have to say I love Chica in this because, you know, they call her Saint Chica and they make fun of her.
And normally those are the people in the housewives you don't like.
Like the ones that refuse to get involved and blah, blah, blah.
But A, that was Adrian Maloof's first season.
So let's not count Chica out just yet.
that was adrian maloof's first season so let's not count chica out just yet yeah and um second i really like that chica has no problem saying what she feels when she's asked like when you say
when she's like you know what i get that people have points here and there but this nitpicking
is disgusting it's just like dog piling it's gross i would spank my kids if they did it
yeah everyone just like shut up for a second and looked away from her like it was the ultimate betrayal yeah i like she's like she's like quite honestly i just really like to leave
she's like i think it's just disgusting and i think we should all be embarrassed i'd like to
leave right now you know this is time i could be spending time with my husband having dinner we
never get to have dinner together maybe he'll rent out the mall or something and we can walk
through it together like we used to when we were teenagers my husband i have to leave this reunion soon because my husband rented out the theater for
phantom of the opera we're gonna go watch it he knows all the lyrics
he's gonna sing christine's part along with it
his big mission in life is to do a sing-along phantom of the opera
we went to sydney and melbourne He's actually rented out the movie theater,
but we've had the first few rows removed
so the actual cast of Phantom of the Opera,
the musical on Broadway,
can come perform in front of the film.
We've actually lost $2 million over the past three years
because my husband keeps buying chandeliers
and dropping them from the ceiling.
And not to mention all those gold chairs that
we've lost right when i get the chair set up in a perfect way here comes the chandelier to break
everything my little known fact about my husband he's actually he's he's actually built a little
lake under our house and he goes paddling around in a boat late at night singing the songs
little do you know about my husband he's asked me when I've died
to crush half of his face in
and put a half a mask over it.
My husband just loves playing the organ.
He loves to sing along to organ music.
So stupid.
So stupid.
I am going to miss the real
Housewives of Melbourne.
I just loved this show.
What a wonderful
show y'all put on for us.
So wonderful. Well,
when does season two
airing already in Melbourne?
I'm not sure, but I see there's a lot
of press already for it.
I wonder how long it will take for it to get to Bravo.
I wish they would just put it on Bravo and stop fucking around.
Put it in primetime on Bravo so we can talk about it on this show without people being like, what are you talking about?
Yeah, I wish so, too.
Well, that's why I put Gina in that list of best hair, because I wanted to raise awareness for Real Housewives of Melbourne.
Or why don't they put the Real Housewives of Vancouver? I hear that one's great,
but I've never watched it. That one is
the meanest one out of all of them.
That one is really hard to watch.
They've got a couple of women on there who are just
satanic. Wow. I mean, they're
horrible, horrible women. They're really,
really vile, gross, disgusting people.
And it got cancelled. Oh, good.
One of their daughters
was in some awful... Oh, God. She of them, I think their daughter, one of their daughters was in some awful car accident.
Oh, God.
She was a horrible bitch, too.
And she was dating, like, some gangster and got shot in a drive-by.
But she's alive.
Okay.
You know.
Thank God for small favors, I guess.
But she also, one of the housewives fucked her.
So one of the housewives got in a fight with the other housewife.
And so she got her daughter drunk at a party and fucked her
like actually like had sex with her yes what yes that show is so juicy but it's really really
really mean is that why i got canceled because it's too mean spirited i don't know i couldn't
even make it through um i started watching the second i don't even think I finished the first season, actually, because I don't remember the reunion.
It was too much.
Wow.
And that says a lot, because I love me some mean humor.
But it wasn't even humor.
It was just gross.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, so fuck that show.
Fuck it.
Fuck those two mean women, too.
Ronnie was one of them.
And the numerology just has cunt in it.
I think that numerology just means cunt.
And what's the other one's name?
Ronnie and, I don't know, blonde evil whore.
Dried up whore.
Anyway, glad that one's gone.
Bye, Vancouver.
So what else?
Below Deck.
What else we got?
Below Deck.
Below Deck.
Below Deck.
So here's the thing with below
deck this week um we were we were led to believe that the um the charter guests were the primary
guy was this like asshole like this total asshole he's this guy young guy who made millions off of
penny stocks very wolf of wall street style he has like he's 25 he has a 19 year old girlfriend
he likes molecular gastronomy.
She likes to have quesadillas.
And then he had a group of guys
that he was teaching
the ways of Wall Street
and doing trades over the computer
and they couldn't get on the internet.
And the whole episode,
everyone's like,
oh, this guy's a douchebag.
He's a douchebag.
I don't know.
I actually didn't think he was that bad.
He actually seemed very friendly.
He was like, thank you. Oh, that guy's a total douchebag. No, nochebag i don't know i actually didn't think he was that bad he actually seemed like very friendly he was like thank you oh that guy's a total douchebag he was like friendly he
was like friendly he was smiling he was like thanking everyone i didn't think no no i think
you fell for the editing i think they the only time he was douchey was at the end when he gave
the tip then i was like oh wait no and that was even if you don't think he was douchey the rest
of the episode which he was that was super douche at the end.
He's like, here's a stack of $10,000.
And then he rips it in half.
And he's like, here, you can have half of it because the service sucked.
It's like, fuck off, you fat douche.
My favorite thing was when the new guy was like, well, because his girlfriend was flirting with him on the deck.
And he's like, yeah, I'm pretty sure she's not with him on the deck yeah he's like yeah i'm pretty sure
she's not with him because he's hot and i'm pretty sure he's not she's not with him because he's got
a good personality because he's a douchebag and he was just laughing and it's so true it's like
fucking assholes like that they make their money because that's the only way that they're ever
going to get pussy in their whole lives and you know what good for him and good for him for getting
that little 19 year old puss i is still a douche you know i thought Good for him. And good for him for getting that little 19-year-old puss. But he's still a douche.
I thought the tip scene was definitely douchey.
It also felt a little staged.
But if you look at the other scenes, find any others.
Tell me what other scene where he was being a douchebag.
The internet scene when he's complaining about not having internet in the middle of the ocean.
You don't get internet in the middle of the ocean, you douche.
Everybody who's ever been on a cruise knows that you don't get solid internet. He wasn't being ob douche everybody who's ever been on a cruise but he wasn't complaining but he wasn't solid internet he wasn't being obnoxious about he's
like he's like damn it he was like no internet he was like he was acting the way i think anyone
would if they were frustrated that they couldn't get on the internet it wasn't like he wasn't like
i need to speak to someone you know he did speak to somebody he's like well we need to get this
fixed no no no no no if you go back if you actually watch what he said he was just like oh can we get
this fixed or like what's the deal with the internet and then kate's like well like i don't
know we'll we'll we'll see what we can do we can get close to the router and then the captain was
like yeah i don't know if our if our if we have enough bandwidth and they're like okay like it
was never like i really felt like if you actually looked at what the guy was saying and doing he
wasn't really being that douchey. I really don't think so.
I thought he was being a total douche.
Whenever you go on a boat and you're like, okay, I want swan ovaries and seaweed gelée.
Yeah, I mean, that was douchey.
Blah, blah, blah.
I mean, douche.
But then Ben was like, oh, yeah.
He's like, oh, sorry, mate.
We couldn't find it.
And then he's like, okay.
He's like, well, I'm looking forward to it.
Like, thanks. Yeah, and then when he got it, he's like, you didn't find it. And then he's like, okay. He's like, well, I'm looking forward to it. Like, thanks.
Yeah, and then when he got it,
he's like, he didn't follow directions.
Well, no, he didn't, though.
He didn't, because he told him.
He's like, my girlfriend.
He's like, I love all the crazy shit my girlfriend doesn't.
And so Ben, here's the thing.
Every single episode, I like Ben,
but he is an asshole.
He is very much like a chef artiste.
He's like, well, I'm going to cook the food
that I want to cook, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't care if it takes a long time or even if this is what
they ask for and then when people get mad he's like fuck them it's like no dude there was actually
a very explicit instruction you know make something simple for her something complex for him and just
be done with it i am on the side well i agree that the chef is a douche as well i'm not sticking up
for him yeah but yeah the customer I thought was a total D.
I don't know.
You know what it was?
I think I felt like Bravo was trying to push this on me, like this guy is a douchebag.
And I'm like, you know, I'm going to come to my own conclusion.
And I feel like I was – I felt I was like – I was not willing to accept that he was a douche just because he was from Wall Street.
Well, we also come from different places because I'm I was a waiter for so long and you're not.
So like you're someone who's been served probably a lot more than me.
And I'm someone who's probably served a lot more.
So you would look at it more like, well, I mean, the guy is paying like hundreds of thousands of dollars or whatever.
So if he's asking for Internet and some crazy food who cares like that's totally within his rights
he's paying for it which i can see but i'm seeing it from the service standpoint where you just come
on and act better than everybody else and try and impress everybody by your stupid crappy food
choices and your 19 year old girlfriend that you bought off fucking craigslist and like these
douchebags that you're making wear a uniform to follow you around
and give some seminar that are probably paying you thousands of dollars.
And if you had so much money, then why are you needing to have some seminar for these kids?
I don't know.
There's just something fishy about that guy that he's just screamed phony douche to me.
Yeah, I mean, that's true.
I mean, the arriving in the helicopter was douchey.
The t-shirts was douchey. The t-shirts. Not gracious at all.
The t-shirts were douchey.
I also didn't like.
It's not too hard to make everybody think he's something he's obviously not.
I also didn't like how when he was leaving, he told everyone, he's like, yeah, you know, if you get involved in Wall Street, you won't be making just like $50 to $100.
I'm talking about like thousands of dollars.
I was like, that's really obnoxious to tell the people that like that are working like on their hands their knees serving you i thought that was
obnoxious yeah it's like you don't always have to be made you can do it too just make an effort in
life guys yeah come on but overall i don't know i didn't think and also that's so fucking not true
with the stock market like yeah oh all you have to do is learn how to trade and you'll be rich
bullshit dude look at the history of just the past decade i mean i get that you're only 25 but come on man like pay
attention yeah yeah i um money on the fucking stock market my ass yeah no i mean it's not an
angel but i just didn't think he was as douchey as i felt like there was a lot they were telling
me a lot that he was a douche but i wasn't seeing it always yeah he was a douche, but I wasn't seeing it always.
Yeah, he was a douche. Dislike.
Thumbs down.
Meanwhile, Kelly and Janice went on their date,
which was
awkward.
The most exciting part was when the waiter dropped her
pudding.
I was like, oh.
That girl needed
to ask for a pitcher of water because bitch is thirsty.
That girl is so desperate.
I've never seen a girl this desperate.
Well, that's not true.
I watch Bravo.
But that girl is desperate.
It's like one minute she won't give him the time of day because he has all these issues.
And then the next minute she's like, oh, my God, you don't get to choose who you have feelings for.
You only have a choice about how you react to those feelings.
And the first time you told me you had feelings, I didn't react very well.
Yeah, because you had a boyfriend and then you got dumped.
And now suddenly you're in love with Kelly.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Jenny's short and plain.
Plain and short.
Plain and short, right? Yeah, yeah. She'sain and short. Plain and short, right?
Yeah, yeah.
She's plain and short.
That's exactly what she is.
I also liked how
Amy and Kate still hate each other.
And I liked how when they're having this dinner
and they're like, you know, but we've had ups and downs. We're all one big family. And I liked how when they're having like this like dinner and they're like,
you know,
but you know,
we're all,
we've had ups and downs.
We're all one big family.
And Kate's like,
yes.
Although I have learned that I will never,
ever,
ever work again with Amy.
She's like,
well,
likewise.
It was like,
likewise.
I just don't understand your management style.
And Kate's like,
yes,
that's very clear.
You don't understand it.
I love how bitchy Kate is.
Well, it was such a funny setup because the chef, for no reason at all,
I don't know if he's trying to get some twangy twat or what,
but he's like, well, I've decided that you are going to be the head stew for this dinner
because I think it's your time to shine, darling.
And so she's like,
okay. So he basically gives
Kate's job to this chick
for no reason.
And she's like, you know,
it made Kate jealous.
And, you know, it would have been funny if Kate,
I mean, it would have been better if Kate
could control herself and be
above it, but, you know, that wouldn't make for a Bravo show.
It was funny that she got so gel.
Yeah.
I love when she gets jealous.
Yeah, I love her snobby personality.
I think it's hilarious.
And I loved her whole thing about personalities are like fonts.
I am Times New Roman.
Classic, solid, strong.
And she's more like
Comic Sans.
Fun,
cheery, no one
pays too much attention to it.
What font are you in?
I think
that my font...
Gosh, I don't know. I don't know what sort
of font I... Maybe Bauhaus? I don't know.
Bauhaus. I think i would be wingdings yeah well did she say someone was wingdings isn't cat wingdings oh did she say that yeah cats um i would probably be wingdings or like angela's hand
or like one of those that just looks like really bad handwriting you're like oh
can't even write yeah i liked that she said that janice
was papyrus she's like from an ancient land that was so funny and random like whoever mentions
papyrus that's like one of those fonts you just never ever ever use i feel like probably be curry
or new i feel like i'd be like Zapf Chancery or something.
I would like to be Helvetica, but I'm probably Geneva.
The one that's not like Helvetica.
It looks like it should be like Helvetica, but it's not, and you can tell the difference, and it's worse.
No, I would be Impact.
I'm too loud, and there's no reason to be this thick i think i'd be a font where you could fit a lot of letters into a small
amount of space because i talk so much so i would not be choreo because that's like monospace i'd
have to i would have to be like one of those like ultra condensed fonts like the cowboy font like
the cowboy saloon font oh lord okay what else happened on the stupid blue deck okay i'm kind of worried well
i guess i was kind of where i wrote this in my notes but then my worriness my worriness god i'm
starting to talk like these people i was worried but that all went away because i thought god below
deck is ending next week jersey is ending soon what are to do? And then I saw the preview for Vanderpump Rules.
Oh, yes. Tucked at the end of the podcast.
How could we forget?
Oh, my God.
Really? Seriously?
Another show about waiters,
which normally I don't like, but now I'm sucked
into all these waiter stories.
I love this show now, and I cannot wait for it to come back.
The big headline here,
Jax is fat.
Now, I read that you put that on our Facebook page,
but is he fat or is he
just completely roided out now
to the point where he's unrecognizable?
His face is fat. At the very least,
his face is fat. I think he's getting fillers
and he's like roided
out. He looks like Gorga.
He's probably roided
out. I don't think he has
fillers why does he doesn't need fillers yes he does because his jaw goes out so much well no i
mean he's in his late 30 or he's in his mid to late he's in his early 50s trying to look like
he's 20 so i mean everybody on this show goes way too young they start going to the doctor way too
young look at she looks crazy there is a point in this where she's yelling at somebody and i i wrote a recap
of the preview on trash talk tv.com plug so go read it because it's really funny but um i paused
on accident on her face and it was horrifying yeah um i'm trying to look up who i compared it to it was like uh juliana rancic
got beat up with like another hideous it's just a hideous botox crazy face yeah and she's so young
why are you doing that i've seen her over there sir and she looks so young and pretty she does
not need to be doing that to herself she looks cray cray it's terrible it's terrible by the way
i just did a search for jacks and says vanderpump rule star jack taylor's personal life is in
quote-unquote shambles like no shit sherlock he like was it ever not i know he sticks his dick
into every available hole that there is and he does like he snorts anything that he can find on
a countertop of course his personal life is in shambles. Oh, my God.
And those new girls he's dating.
He ran out of all the cute ones.
God bless them.
I'm sorry, girls.
That's not very nice.
And he's still treating them like crap, too.
And I love that even the homely girls are acting like Stassi.
They're like, oh, you think I'm just going to follow you around?
Well, I'm like, well, yeah.
I think he did.
I think he's just trying to find one
submissive girl but he just can't do it he loves those bitches whether they're cute or not
i am so excited for this season it just looks like another crazy round at the circus i mean
these people are so vapid and evil that they're like i have a hard time believing that we could
get a dud season i mean like although it will be hard to top this past season because the amount of lying and backstabbing that happened it was like just so off the charts
well it looks like it's this year too because they have an entire montage of people calling
each other bitch and whore yeah and terrible friends and then the guys are all cheating on
their girl every single one of them is cheating even uh non-horseface kristin katie or wait katie katie yeah
non-horseface um yeah even her boyfriend cheats it looks like
he made it he made it into the credits this year the other tom yeah i know and then they showed him
having an interview with lisa and he's like i'll do whatever it takes. And she's like, well, you don't have what it takes.
That's the problem.
I mean, Lisa, what does it take exactly to pour a fucking drink into a cup?
Come on, lady.
Give me a break.
What are you sending these people to college first?
Come on.
Yeah.
By the way, I'm looking up pictures of Jax while we speak.
I'm trying to find a good one of him.
So I found a picture.
I found a picture on his Twitter of it's him with Tom, and they're in Australia.
And Jax does indeed look kind of fat, and Tom looks like he's in Deegan and Sarah.
He looks like he's what?
He looks like he's in Deegan and Sarah.
Well, I just looked up Jax Vanderpump Rules fat, and I don't see any fat pictures of him.
I see a lot of scary facial pictures of him.
Just go to his Twitter and look.
You'll see.
Yeah, total fillers.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm going to his Instagram now.
This is important.
Oh, girl.
This is very important stuff.
What's his last name?
Jax.
Jax Taylor.
I mean, obviously he's not fat.
When we say he's fat, he's obviously not fat.
But just compared, he's clearly filled out compared to the way he used to look.
I mean, there's a picture from a week ago with him.
His shirt is off and he's clearly not fat at all.
But, you know, he's definitely thicker, for sure.
Oh my god, his main picture on Instagram is a meme that says,
I give a fuck.
I give lots of fucks, actually.
I'm a prostitute of feelings.
Oh, my God.
What does that even mean, I'm a prostitute of feelings?
You sell feelings, Jack?
Seriously?
You fucking idiot.
God, I can't wait to see how stupid he is.
Seriously?
Seriously?
Seriously?
Really?
Seriously?
Really?
Seriously?
Seriously?
He's not looking good, I have to say.
I don't think he's looking good. He's not letting himself
age properly. This is the thing that happens
in LA. Everybody starts filling themselves
up and injecting themselves with shit
that just makes them look cray-cray.
Stop it, everybody! Jax, you're gorgeous.
Just age naturally. Just stop eating
like everybody else and
age, for Christ's sake.
Stassi's still a totally evil little twat.
Can't wait to see her.
Kristen looks like she might finally get fired.
And also it looks like Kristen beats the crap out of Tom Sandoval.
Oh, good.
And then he's crying in like a selfie video.
Yes, I love that.
I'm sorry.
I'm looking right now. I'm on. So I so i'm still on jack's instagram and there's a picture
it says australian tour 2014 jacks and tom and i'm just like laughing because i thought that like
they hated each other now like it's like you're supposed to be a man like you're supposed to be
my bro man i'm like what what happened to that preview and jack's is like i just keep fucking
things up and he's like you gotta stop fucking things up. And he's like, you got to stop fucking things up, man.
Some of the deep thoughts from Vanderpump Rules.
Because Jax tells Katie that her boyfriend cheated in Vegas or whatever.
Someone on our Facebook had a really good question.
Why are these people letting their boyfriends go to Vegas?
Yeah.
Why are they still with their boyfriends, actually?
That's even better.
How do these people still have jobs? And why are they still with their boyfriends actually that's even even better all right how do these people still have jobs and why are they still waiters i love that this show just pays them enough so they can never stop being waiters they're like you can lease a
new car but you're still going to be a waiter okay um oh here's some evidence for him being fat
he has a meme that says i hate when i think i'm buying organic vegetables and when i get home i discover they're just regular donuts that's a fat meme oh and here's another one about his bad breath
i hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have any more food and
i'm just not ready for that kind of commitment i don't know jack it's funny the pictures on his
instagram if you look at them like there's the shirtless ones show that he's not fat at all.
He has roided out a little bit.
But the pictures when he has a shirt on, he looks fat.
It's amazing.
If you look at some from three weeks ago, I really –
I think it's his fillers.
And there are fillers too.
I agree too.
It's his side fillers.
Yeah.
I think – And you know what? The best part is he would never admit that he got fillers too. I agree too. It's his side fillers. Yeah. I think – and you know what?
The best part is he would never admit that he got fillers because he lies.
But I think if anyone –
He'll lie about it while he's sitting there on camera getting fillers.
Yeah.
I think anyone who's bored should actually go to his Instagram because it's really funny to watch because it is – it's really –
I love filling my time with stupid investigations like, is this person fat or not fat?
And the, oh, yeah, oh, wow, big time filler situation going on.
Wow, I really see it from three weeks ago.
This is really fascinating.
People, you should look at this Instagram.
But don't follow it because you might get something.
Yeah, he puts like passive aggressive memes up. Like, not everyone who is for you is for you
some want a closer look hoping you fall some are looking out for themselves
it's like he puts that up like the day he gets in a fight with somebody you know
you said he has one that says dear haters i have so much more for you to be mad at
just wait shut up oh and then it says haters people who view your
profile the most and not like anything that's us we're doing it ben he um he's the sort of person
he put up a picture of a shoe oh no he says new at excalibur brand check them out the jacks taylor
collection he put he put a picture up of his cheap looking shoe on
september 11th i might add shame on him he has tons of memes up oh you know i hate instagram
accounts where there's like nothing but text like it's an it's it's for photos
jacks you're a model put up more pictures of yourself
oh that is so funny you must fall in love with what you do because being an entrepreneur
is a lot of hard work and overcoming a lot of adversity from that love will come the dedication
that will get you out of bed at 4 a.m because of a great idea you just had get you to work till 11
p.m and not feel tired okay when have you ever woken up at 4 a.m to work on anything and what
is your business sweater Sweater Man?
Get out of here.
Here's another one that he has.
This is text that's written over an image of a slice of toast with peanut butter on it.
He says, if someone ever tells you that you're putting too much peanut butter on your bread, stop talking to them.
You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
So profound.
And then his comment is very true space
three exclamation points.
I want to find some more
memes of his that he likes.
The man who does more than he
is paid for will soon be
paid for more than he does.
Oh my god.
This is really fun actually.
He's got a picture of just Oreos.
really fun actually then he's got a whole he's got a picture of just oreos most people want a perfect relationship i just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in
commercials wow so i'm actually liking jack's more because he has an eating disorder yeah i think i
think i could actually hang out with him and lauren manzo and we'd have a fun night together
and end it with like fries covered in like cheese and meat he has a fun night together and end it with fries covered in cheese and meat.
He has a picture up of three different hair things and he goes,
for those of you who have been asking, these are the top hair products that I like to use.
Hashtag Excalibur Man.
Hashtag Modern Man.
Hashtag My Society.
He misspelled My Society.
He spelled it My Society.
So funny.
He has one that says,
this is by Kanye West, which is awesome.
Oh, great.
Next time someone says to you, if I were you,
stop them and say, well, you aren't.
Oh, my God, Kanye.
Here's one.
Here's a little piece of knowledge for everyone
from the Jack Taylor meme collection.
When things don't happen right away,
just remember, it takes six months
to build a Rolls Royce and 13 hours to build
a Toyota.
Deep thoughts.
Wow, this was really fun.
Actually. Can we just see this every day? Just look at people's Instagrams. Wow, this was really fun, actually.
Can we just see this every day?
Just look at people's Instagrams.
Of course, not everyone has memes like this.
Yeah, he has.
Let's see.
Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting.
Have faith that things will work out.
Maybe not how you planned, but just how it's meant to be.
And his comment on that is a little rectangle that indicates he used a character that cannot be seen on proper browsers.
Love it.
Actually, some of these really make me like him more.
Eating disorder ones, totally into.
And, oh my god, I have to post one on my Instagram today of Taylor Sandwich on the Subway commercials.
That is the funniest thing I've ever seen, is that skinny
ass anorexic Taylor Swift standing next
to a giant Subway sandwich on the posters.
Oh, I haven't seen that.
You're not going to get people to stop telling you
to eat a sandwich if you're doing Subway ads,
Taylor. Oh, shit.
Stop the presses, by the way.
He has a TBT from about three
months ago from one of his first photo shoots.
And he, I mean, Jax back then, whoa, he was smoking hot.
Wow.
He definitely went downhill.
I told you I met him in a commercial class like 10 years ago and almost fell down when I saw him.
Because I remember.
The whole class was like dripping.
There was drool dripping.
I mean, I see why he's a total whore.
The guy is fucking beautiful.
But no, not aging well. No, I mean, I remember. he's a total whore. The guy is fucking beautiful. But, no, not aging well.
No, I mean, I remember,
and I said this before on the podcast, you know, I remember
seeing him at the gym and other places around
and be like, that guy is so hot. But the way he looked in this picture
was unlike any time I've ever seen
Jax. He was really,
really, really hot.
Aww. Now I feel like we're calling
him ugly and he's so handsome.
Stop ruining yourself Jack
don't listen to us
he still is handsome
don't get it wrong
we're talking about Jack's standards
when we say he's looking bad it's on the Jack's standard
it's not on the human's standard
yeah okay good
there's like a handicap
you know the thing with Jack's what's funny is that
I feel like if he were here he'd probably be like
cool and fun.
He's probably a really chill, nice guy to talk to and everything.
But he's just terrible.
Yeah, just fucking his best friend's girlfriend.
Yeah, and then not being apologetic about it.
But he makes this show fun.
I mean, really, if you think about it.
The first season, he made fun because he lied the entire time about cheating.
And then at the end, we find out it was a lie.
And then the second season was totally fun
because he lied the whole
season about fucking Kristen and then we find
out that it was true.
Like his lies have made every season
of the show and pretty
much every episode too because then he
calls other people out on their lies secretly.
I mean if Jax wasn't on this show
no one would ever be
mad at each other he's like the only person who spreads to except the girls would be awful to
each other always because they're those girls can't even be nice to their best friends it's like
how do you do that how do you just turn against everybody that's your friend like don't you at
least need one friend i mean i'm mean to the I have, like, a couple of close friends that I'll always be nice to because I need someone on my side.
I mean, Jesus.
They're just evil, craven people.
Craven, I like it.
Yeah, craven.
Speaking of, I'm craving lunch.
Let's wrap it up, Ben.
Yeah, let's wrap it up.
So, everyone, please be sure to come to WatchWhatCrapHands.comcom and you can find links to all our social media, which is super fun.
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People post a lot of good things.
It's really worth joining if you really want to sort of like extend the Watch What Crappens experience.
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And when you donate, you can get access to our bonus episode.
We talked a lot of gossip today.
We talked about Phaedra's divorce.
And we talked about Ebola.
We talked about everything.
You get to hear that.
And if you donate, you can also maybe get access to a Google Hangout, Ringtones.
It's really cool.
And like we said, if you get $1,000, we'll do two episodes of Watch What
Crappens a week. So anyway, that's
it. Thanks everyone for listening.
Thanks, Ronnie, for being here.
Yeah, that was fun times,
everybody. And everyone have a
great one. Bye. Bye.
Bye.
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