Watch What Crappens - #150: 2014 Halloween Spook-tacular!

Episode Date: October 29, 2014

This week on our spooooky 150th (!!!) episode, Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) tackle some scary Bravo tv shows such as "Top Chef: Boston" and "Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles." The two also go on a significant Cooking Channel tangent (freeeeeaaaky) and dish about "Manzo'd with Children." Plus, lots of super gory gossip about the ladies of "Real Housewives of New Jersey." This is one THRILLER of a podcast you'll want to leave the lights on for. mwahahahahhaaha. You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is.

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this week a lot um in terms of watch for crappins so one of the big things is that we are doing a live show at the improv in hollywood like the act you know the famous brick wall and everything and that is going to be in january and we actually have the date. I believe it's going to be. Of course, I don't have the date. 25th. Yes, January 25th. Tickets, I don't know when tickets are going to go on sale. It's going to be soon. But it's going to be really cool to be me and Ronnie,

and we're going to try to get some other people, and we're going to basically record the podcast in front of a live studio audience. Yeah, so come. I'm sure we'll go somewhere and get shit-faced after, everybody. Yeah, it'll be really, really fun. Have a little meet and greet. Yeah, we're going to try to sell out the place.

I'm really, really excited. And so I know some of you on our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens. Some of you in the past have mentioned that you'd be willing to travel to come see us do a live show. So we're giving you the heads up. We've given you, it's like a two or three month heads up.

So now you can get your traveling plans in order. Do it! Yay! I'm actually really excited for that because we haven't done a live show for like, what, two years? When we did that one at ImprovOlympic. And that was so fun.

I love that. That was a great time. That was a really great time. We got to see Tammy. Yeah. Tammy was great because Tammy was in the front row and she laughed at every single thing we did and said, which is like not an instance. I love that because it gives you, like when you're up there, it gives you confidence. Like, oh, wait, I'm being funny.

I will continue on this trajectory. I would cough and she would laugh. I loved it. I loved it. Tammy, you're the greatest. And Tammy also lives right by us. I always see Tammy checking in on Instagram. I always feel like I'm bound to run into Tammy, and yet I never do.

Yeah, me neither. I keep looking for you at the Whole Foods, Tams. We will see you soon, Tammy. By the way, speaking of our listeners, Derek Hazleton, it's his birthday this week. Yeah, happy birthday, you Chinese whispering cunt. Yeah, he wanted us to call him that, everyone. We weren't being misogynistic. We love you, Derek.

Happy birthday. We do. We do. Other things that are very exciting for us we continue to be very happy and excited that people keep donating on Patreon and we're super psyched, I think we're up to like 557 per episode

and again, once we get to 1000, we'll be doing two episodes a week so that's super super cool and exciting, we're over halfway in just over a month or so and remember that if you do donate if you That's super, super cool and exciting. We're over halfway in just over a month or so. Yeah. And remember that if you do donate, if you donate just like a dollar per episode, you get access to our bonus show.

And we just recorded the bonus show and we talked about a lot of strange things because it's the Halloween episode. So we talked about gay bashing and bashing and... And Thomas Ravenel. And Honey Boo Boo. And Honey Boo Boo and Thomas Ravenel. So if you want to hear... Divorce, incest, and gay bashing. Yeah. Doesn't that sound great?

Just go to patreon.com, watch what crap happens, sign up. Yeah, there's different levels for different things. One's a bonus episode. Then there's, like, a Google Hangout, which we'll be doing November 13th, I believe, Ben? Thursday the 13th? Thursday the 13th. We did one earlier this month, and it was actually so much fun.

Not even saying that to get people to donate. We had a blast. Yeah, and then ringers once a month. Four or five ringers. So come on there. It's just for some extras. These shows will always remain free, so don't worry about that. But if you just want extras, come on to patreon.com slash watch what crappens. Now we have

to get on with the show. This is too much plugging. Do we have anything else? I think that's it. That's all that we have to discuss. Plug the holes. The holes are plugged. The holes are plugged. Oh, if you want our social media, Twitter and all that, just go to watchwhatcrappens.com and there's links to all of that good stuff there. Yeah, it's all good fun.

Or iTunes Stitcher, all of that. So go over there. Oh, and leave reviews on iTunes. Okay, last plug. So what do you want to talk about? So this was a weird week. Yeah. So do you want to talk about some gossip? Yeah, let's talk about some gossip that we didn't get to on the bonus show. So let's

talk about, well, it is Halloween. We're recording this. If you're listening to this in three months from now, just get in your time machine, because Halloween is coming up for us in just a few days. And guess what? Jax from Vanderpump Rules is going to the Playboy Mansion. And everyone,

if you were afraid of Ebola, let me tell you something. Nothing compares to Jax going to the Playboy Mansion. Nothing compares to Luz Hola. Someone. Oh, snap. Jax. Jax.

You do not want to get... Look, look. I don't know why they're inviting Jax. That place has been in so much trouble lately. Like, for two years in a row, didn't they have Legionnaire's disease in their fucking hot tub? And then you invite Jax? I mean, come on. That's probably why Jax is going.

He thinks being a Legionnaire is like earning a special title. He's like, finally, I'm a legionnaire! He's gonna put it on his resume. Owner of a sweater line and an official legionnaire. Oh my god. Oh man, the CDC. Let me tell you something. This is a real problem

because the CDC is so distracted with Ebola right now that they have no idea the sort of viral outbreak that's about to happen up at Charing Cross Road. It's going to be a disaster. I don't know who's going to get it worse. Jax or the bunnies? The bunnies. Or Jax.

Stop spreading it, okay? Stay home. You've had your fun. No more public showers. No more public hot tubs. Just stay home, Jax. He needs to be put into a permanent Silkwood shower. Like, someone kick Meryl Streep out and put Jax in there.

Stay home and floss. Because now every time I see him, I think he has bad breath. Because when Tom found out that he slept with his girlfriend, his only response was, Jax? But his breath is awful. Which I will never forget. You know it's got to be terrible breath if that tops every other detriment. That's like the first thing you think of. A long time ago, I read some blind item.

And they were like, this actor has the worst breath and people can't even go around him. And then the answer was Ben Affleck. And so I still think of that whenever I see Ben Affleck. Like, gone girl, I was like, that's why she left. Bad breath. That's why she gone, girl. Yeah, she gone, girl. Like, certain things like that you just never forget.

Well, it's true. It's like when someone has body odor, if you meet someone and you've hung out with them many, many many many times and one time they have terrible body odor you will forever be afraid to hang out with that person for fear that that body odor will be there yeah you'll be like they have body it's tainted it's tainted probably been me before no you've never smelled that ronnie well one time my dad was like you stink i said i do he said yeah you smell like bo and i had no idea even when i sniffed it really deeply and i was like maybe he said yeah you smell like bo and i had no idea even when i sniffed it really deeply and i was like maybe i just can't smell my own and i'm wondering

how long this has been hurting me and ruining my life that's some deep hardcore lebanese body odor happening yeah so who knows maybe only lebanese people can spell it smells like the levant yeah everyone else thinks it's just donuts cooking. I smell some hummus. Oh, you've got some anise coming out of your pores. So let's get that figured out. So the other piece of gossip is that Sydney, our friend Sydney, posted on our page. Jacqueline is in some Twitter beef now.

Did you read about this? Oh, what a shocker jack i was making trouble on twitter she's such a passive aggressive hoe i mean for crying out loud she goes on tv and she sobs about x y and z and then she goes onto twitter and starts a beef with everyone so what is her twitter stuff i don't know i was hoping that you had read it i'm gonna i'm gonna look at it now um well i've read a lot of her stuff hold on i think there's something on the stupid housewives here yeah i was we were talking about this earlier this week but all this shit just like well first of all i love that we you know obviously jacks looks chinese and i was making a Miss Swan picture of her. Like her next to Mrs. Swan or Miss Swan from Mad TV.

And then I clicked on to Stupid Housewives to get my gossip and she calls her Chinese Bubba Jacks, which I think is so fucking funny. So let me look. It's all Jacks right now. Okay, so she, I guess

so Jack, so one, Dina Manzo, this is according to realityt.com, um, during, during the show, um, uh, Dina Manzo was on Watch What Happens and Jacqueline started tweeting to Andy, which I love. This, again, passive aggressive tweeting at Andy Cohen, like during the show, she says, quote, I asked my husband to reach out to Dina when she went through the divorce. So did I, and I encouraged them to meet. She wouldn't. I don't know what that means. But either way, it somehow caused a fight, because then Dina started replying that that's not true, she didn't reach

out to me, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they got into a Twitter war. Yeah, I think we talked a little bit about this last week, right? Because everyone's like, D-Man! No, no, no, this happened two days ago. Yeah, okay, all you really have to do is go on Twitter and look at Jack Loretta. And it's basically her just being an asshole all throughout it.

And it's really funny reading her Twitter because her spelling is atrocious. Her grammar is... She doesn't... God bless her heart. She's just dumb as a brick. I'm looking her up now because now we're talking about this. Well, Dina says... One of her tweets was, maybe if Jacqueline would get off Twitter and stay out of it, my brother and I can one day mend. Done with this.

She's referring to Jacqueline's husband, Chris, who is actually Dina's brother. And then Jacqueline's husband, Chris, who is actually Dina's brother. And then Jacqueline responded, he tried a few times and you wouldn't meet with him. Hashtag shame. And then Jacqueline goes, my husband are sitting here together realizing how lucky we are to have each other and the great

friends and family that we have. Hashtag real. And then Jacqueline goes, Chris had enough and gave up trying to have a relationship with Dina. She has hurt him too much she's got to make the move he'll be here with me so yeah how hashtag real i know that's my favorite hashtag real i'm looking at it right now it's basically autism black autism black autism black black autism autism black and then retweets of people going, you're the best mother on television.

You're great. Could you retweet for my son's bingo night? Could you retweet because my grandma has palsy? Can you retweet because somebody I knew in the third grade was kidnapped? I mean, shut the fuck up, people, with your begging for retweets on Twitter. That's one of the most obnoxious Twitter trends. Everyone's like, please retweetweet i lost my roller skates but i love you and you're a great mom and you don't look chinese and so they retweet it she wrote this one i know you guys love that we are on a reality show and on twitter and you can get a peek into our lives you must find

something relatable in all of us oh my god people like jumping in bouncy houses jacqueline okay and they're not relatable they're fucking ridiculous okay they're ridiculous they're fun to jump all over literally there is nothing relatable about jacqueline nothing except that she's gonna be broke soon then it'll be real then we'll all be like oh she's broke yeah weird yeah exactly well i'm excited you know how i I'm now writing these listicles for Ranker? So my new one, which hasn't come out yet, but it should be coming up like today or tomorrow, is the list of the worst housewives entrepreneurs. And I put Jacqueline pretty high up there on the worst category for her endless shilling of black water.

Because I still don't understand why anyone would want to drink water that is pitch black well we're about to find out in california because that drought's taking all our drinking water so soon we're going to be like oh rusty water delicious can i have that with a little vodka oh that's great i i know i know oh i'm gonna check in on uh speaking of which remember last week i was talking about the best the list of the best housewives of all time? So it's actually kind of funny. I think the real housewives of Melbourne would appreciate this. I think Andrea would be furious because Gina, oh, Gina.

Gina has clearly mobilized her Twitter fans, and now she is the reigning best housewife on Ranker. Love it. She has like 1100 votes saying yes, she's the best. That's over Lisa Vanderpump. So she clearly has mobilized her Twitter army, and I'm sure that Andrea and Jackie

and Lydia are furious about it. Andrea's like, oh, I'm glad I quit that show that I don't need, so I don't have to buy all those clothes for it. Oh's like, oh, I'm glad I quit that show that I don't need so I don't have to buy all those clothes for it. I'm like, Gina, what a terrible person. Gina, how awful telling your Twitter

people to load the vote for you. How terrible. Oh, that's awful. You want to talk about no morals. Gina put it on Twitter. Gina. You know what I call Gina? I call her a Twitter voter

frauder. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, so speaking of Twitter, another fun article that was posted on our page from Stupid Housewives, again, is this nasty tweet to

Jim's ex-wife the police the police report the marchesis do not want you to read and then she has a picture of amber with her face all messed up that day that she was drunk and boca smoking the cigarette when she's like i'm smoking a cigarette i'm smoking a cigarette i'm smoking a. So, Jim has an ex-wife, Rebecca, a professional bodybuilder who he divorced in 2004. Since that time, they've been in a custody battle over two children.

Fast forward to 2013 after Amber's been married for nine years to Jim. Rebecca started seeing nasty comments on our Twitter, which were dismissed by Rebecca as just the normal nasty tweets one expects to receive on Twitter. I do not expect to receive those on Twitter, personally.

I really don't. I'm like, don't tweet me nasty shit. Thank you. However, the tweets became more insulting and more personal and more in numbers over a short span of time, so she blocked the account but learned that they were more insulting nasty tweets,

so she filed a police report against her. Okay, these are the tweets that are obviously amber it's so funny um and and horrible i mean funny because they're just like of course they're amber you know right and her name is the truth this is awesome um they pray to be away from you it's not you they consider mom i have never witnessed a more pathetic loser in my entire life you are one fugly insane bitch oh my god your kids hate you and think you are the biggest loser i concur some people deserve to get a real good beating you are such a chicken shit weak lol love watching a dwarf put on a fashion show no matter how many

lame hugs you try to give everyone is still grossed out. One day, none of us will know your name. You leave no legacy behind. No one will ever remember you. They hate you. Is it hard to keep all your lies together? You kind of suck at it? Question mark. You just look crazy. Psycho says what? LOL, you can tell you were the ugly girl all your life.

Psycho says what? That's stupid. I guess there are models for everything. You can be a model for dog food congrats usually you're supposed to carry your bags not wear them under your eyes you are one big woofer who let the dogs out you know what they say a picture says a thousand words yikes that must have been embarrassing it made me laugh ha ha ha just stop it I can't take it anymore. I'm tearing. I'm laughing so hard. Train wreck. Man, your life really sucks. And here's the

final nail in the I hate Amber coffin. Her final tweet is just saying. And you know how I feel about just saying. Everybody stop just saying. It's over. I have a theory. And it might sound far-fetched, but I really like it.

And just hear me out. I think that Amber was on a train. And when she was on the train, she ran into Andrea from Melbourne. And they made a deal. And Amber said, listen, I will go to Australia and I'll write an anonymous editorial bashing Gina. If you go and send hate tweets to my husband's ex-wife. And that's what's happening. So I think that Andrea is behind those tweets.

And I think Amber is behind the giant Gina bashing editorial that we read a few weeks ago. It's like an Alfred Hitchcock movie, except really fucking stupid. Yeah. It's like strangers on a train, except it's called idiots on a train. Bad hair on a train except it's called idiots on a train yeah bad hair on a train yeah total so that's that I thought that was really funny because people with their false accounts have the balls

to say it to my face even though I totally have a fake twitter account that I totally bash people on all the time can you trace the IP of a twitter account or is that something only Twitter can do? I think only Twitter can do that, but you can buy I mean, not buy, you can use for free redirecting software

so no one knows your IP. You know that, right? That's a little advanced for Amber slash Andrea. I think so, too. Unless she, like, uses the Pirate Bay for, like, you know, cancer videos. Who knows? I mean, if Jim Marchese was so bad at covering up his own fraud

while he was whistleblowing his own fraud, then there's no way that they're thinking to redirect their tweets. Ugh, they're the worst. All right, so what else? Do I have more gossip? That's it. That's all the gossip.

So let's talk about... Sugar Bear. Nope. Closing the window on Sugar Bear. Sugar Bear. We talked... talked oh that's sugar bear she's who is sugar is sugar bear from honey boo boo i know we just talked about on the bonus episode yes he's he he was her i only know i only know honey boo boo and mama june and then

everyone else like sugar bear or like i don't know like molasses paul or something i don't know, like Molasses Paul or something. I don't know. I don't know any of the nicknames after that. They're like Gumdrop. Gumdrop Peterson. Gumdrop. Kitchen Tall Trash Bags. Kitchen Tall. Suzy Licorice. Candycorn Molly.

Salt Water. Salt Water Taffy Tiffany Come in here girl Hey Tracy Swedish Fish Tawney Taffy Tick Tack Tawney Get in here Gumdrop Llewellyn

Oh god You already said gumdrop Jawbreaker Joanne You get your ass in here right now Gumdrop, Llewellyn. Oh, God. You already said gumdrop. Jawbreaker, Joanne. You get your ass in here right now. So, I think that's all we have. Let me close this. Speaking of culinary delights, why don't we talk about Top Chef? Well, holy mother of Jesus.

I was not expecting that one. Why not? Top Chef, you know, Top Chef never gets its moment to shine on our Dear podcast. It always sort of gets stuck at the end after all the trash. And then we're like, oh, wait, here's one legitimate show that we actually genuinely love. And Showcase is like the best of Bravo. It's like there's not enough desperate women screaming at each other just to get attention. Well, this season, we actually have some assholes.

We have some real assholes. And here, let me pull up the, the, the, the, the, the,

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the, the, the, the, the, names because there's always like a million chefs so give me a moment here ronnie you can sing a song while i will i will i pull up their their bios who made names when you could just grunt and say something that you remember about them okay all right here we go so i think the main asshole of the season so far is aaron grom. Aaron, Aaron. Who's that? The short guy who won't smile

is just a douchebag just to be a douchebag. He's the guy who Agar and everything. Yeah, he's the guy who got into the fight with the blonde girl. So now Aaron,

he actually, he has a restaurant up in NoHo called Bow and Truss which I've actually been to. I didn't have it. I did not have any of the food. I only had a cocktail there.

But he did something. One thing that was very curious on the menu they serve roasted cauliflower and it's like a whole head of cauliflower it's not like broken down it's like the most bizarre thing ever oh my mom does that really and actually you know what she does it's covered in cheese and see there we go his was not covered in cheese it's amazing and then it looks like a big weird brain when it comes out. And you just cut into it like a steak.

It's bizarre, but delicious. You know, I was intrigued by it. But his is just cauliflower? No, it had stuff on it. It had like spices on it and everything. I don't know. For some reason, when I saw it on the menu, I thought, you know, that's a really cool idea. I did think that. But when I saw the presentation, I was like, I'm not sure.

But you know what, though? I didn't eat it, so I can't say for sure. But the point is this. I don't know why I'm wearing this tangent about Bowen Tress. This asshole is very close to us. We have to be careful. Not really. He's over the hill.

How often are we even there? I mean, what, are we going to go to Ikea or something and run into him? I know. That's true. I'm not afraid of him, that little fucker. He is a jerk, though. Also, he's littler than me, so we could totally take him. He's going to be the asshole of the season.

And you know what I don't like about him? He is this sort of asshole who, he acts like an asshole, and he forces people to defend themselves. Because he comes at you with these things like, well, I'm going to do it this way. Or like, well, what, are you afraid of this? Are you doing this or whatever? He sort of like comes at you in passive aggressive little jabs and then he forces you to defend yourself so in this case it was the blonde girl whatever her name was uh carrie ann that you're forced into like a defensive position and then

he's the one who go like whoa whoa whoa why are you getting whoa yeah why are you getting all nasty she's such a bitch she's such a like he forces the other person to become an asshole to deal with his assholeness and then he's like yeah that's like a total housewives move too that's what i don't like about him he's a little bitch okay he's like a gym he uses housewives tactics against the other cast members he even called a lady he's like what a bitch you know what straight guys don't do that. Yeah. Okay, that's really gross. Like, who raised you? I don't like that guy. And this is like total Melbourne behavior.

Like, they all attack one person, and then when the person finally gets mad and calls them a cunt, they're like, whoa, whoa, what? What? That's totally what just happened here. Gina, I can't believe you put raw onion into your corn salsa. Gina, I can't believe you're married to, I can't believe you're dating a guy. Maybe he's married. Is he married? I don't know.

Maybe he's married. I would love it if Andrew and Lydia were judges on Top Chef. Oh, Gina, how awful. What a terrible amuse-bouche. The color of this sauce reminds me of the time Jeannie used my bathroom and ruined my $40,000 French towels.

Oh, Jeannie. Oh, Jeannie, this isn't a marmalade, Jeannie. It's one all over the plate. How awful. This chicken is as dry as Jeannie's hair. What an awful thing to cook, Gina.

You know what I call this food? Overcooked. Oh my god. I love applying Melbourne thing to everything. Melbourne voices. We're going to do this for a few months. This is going to be our new, well, you know, beater. Well, you know, beater.

Long after the show is gone we're gonna be doing it um okay so he's an asshole and he's by the way he's the same one that padma last week we mentioned this he's the same one with that pamela's like you need to not only clean up your station but your act or whatever yeah you know she's like you need to clean up your act yeah your act and your station and then she walked away away, and they showed her going, wow, that is a messy mess. A messy, messy mess mess. Whoa. I'm glad she shaded him because he's a real asshole.

He is a real asshole. People, stop. Okay, I went to this really famous restaurant here. I'm so ignorant. McDonald's. First of all, this is why I don't like talking about Top Chef because it really shows off my ignorance more than any other show i know i show it off every week but this really shows it off so we it was like juan marco de la casa i don't know it's like some place and some famous chef who has a place in beverly hills and some hotel it's like you know molecular gastronomy

it's not one where they spent They had that movie where they all... Yeah, bizarre. They have that movie where they're just testing things. That's where Michael Voltaggio and Marcel that's where they start off. Figures. Okay, can I tell you how stupid this fucking food is? I cannot get behind

this food, okay? And of course my friends are like brainwashed media whores and they're like, Oh, this is brilliant. Okay, so you order something called eggs and ham. Did you have dinner with Edith Bunker? My friend said nothing else. Archie, Archie, let's get the foie gras.

Foie gras candy. It looks like an egg, but it tastes like a jelly bean. Archie, are you getting a cup of liquid nitrogen capperina? Archie. Does that even sound like you do with Bunker? I'm so sorry, everyone. Well, you got her spirit. Listen, I have a cold, okay?

Things are coming out sounding very strange. That was it. So they serve you food okay it's called like eggs and ham and so you're like oh it's gonna be like eggs and ham so it comes out and it's a like yellow orb of something i guess to represent the egg yeah and you eat it and it tastes like an egg and it's really slimy going down your throat like egg yolk but it's not egg it's something else and i'm like who cares i mean i could have had a fucking egg for like 50 cents all right like who gives a shit what is this it's like food colored snot like with

something flavored like egg to me that's not good okay that's how that's called processed food people okay we're all trying to get away from that like flavoring something like flavoring a piece of foam like ham and then charging someone 50 to eat it is not new okay it's that's what doritos do okay it's like it's like sand they find on the ground and they flavor it like things okay that's molecular gastronomy can kiss my ass it's stupid except i did like frozen i did like the frozen olive thing it wasn't an olive but it was in my martini and then it melts in your mouth and tastes like olive juice um ronnie this is why i love doing the podcast with you because you were

i think you're so funny and i'm not saying that in a kind of same way like oh you're so funny you're so precious like i think everything you're saying is it's very much on point although i've been i've went to the bazaar i think twice and i really liked it i thought it was delicious but what i what i have heard though i haven't been in years because i would like have to wait for my parents to take me basically and um and we went we're never gonna fucking grow up i know um and it was really when when the bazaar actually opened j Jose Andres, I think is his name. Yes, Jose Andres. When it opened, it was like amazing, amazing delicious food. And apparently now it's like not as amazing and maybe not as like revelatory.

But still, it's supposed to be really good. At least, you know. It was good. The food was good, okay. The thing is, it's like. Oh, now it's good. No, no. But the thing is, it's like, okay, you order the eggs and ham thing. It's like no no but the thing is it's like okay you order the eggs and ham

thing it's like 20 bucks right yeah and you're like well that's not bad for this kind of restaurant thinking that's what you ordered no it's like a tiny little thing so and they even serve it with those tiny little espresso spoons so everybody can taste it but yeah you each get one bite with this espresso spoon it was 20 i mean yeah i think we spent like 200 something dollars each to eat there and at the end of the day what is it it's not flavored like an egg like just come to my house i'll give you a fucking egg and i'll do it for half the price i still get it i do not get it's still a good markup ten dollar egg yeah it's good right yeah listen i'll have your egg. Anyway, so let's see.

What else happened on this episode? I'm looking at the cast. It's funny. I'm looking at the cast now. Well, that was... I'm sorry. Go ahead. We have a delay. I'm saying I'm looking at the cast right now on the Bravo website.

And there are at least two people that I've never seen on the show. They'll probably win. Yeah, there's a guy named George Begonis. I've not seen him at all. And there's this woman named Rebecca LaMalfa. Again, no idea who she is, but the two of them are on it, so there you go. Yeah, I'm not really sure yet.

Oh, George was the first guy. I'm sorry. George was Mike Isabella's sous chef. Never mind. Oh, I felt bad for him because you know he's probably better than Isabella. I know. You know who I felt bad for? I felt bad for Joy Crump, who was the woman who was voted off. She was the one who looked like Questlove. Like a lady Questlove.

No, she was like a really tired Macy Gray. She was like a Questlove meets Shirley from What's Happening. And I loved her. I loved her. She was like Macy Gray, ate Questlove, and woke up tired, and then came to compete. I loved her, too. She was my favorite to win because I liked that she was like, man, everybody's better than me. That's how she talks?

I know. She's like, I was making those potatoes, and I was like, wow, I'm surrounded by champs. So I have this crazy psychic ability with Top Chef, which is that at the beginning of every episode, I see a character and I say, you know what? I like that person, and I hope they go far,

and I kind of feel like they will. And I guarantee every single time I have that impulse, they get voted off. You know, I'm wondering if I still have Top Chef downloaded, because I wanted to test it this week. Because when I used to recap Top Chef, I noticed these because every show has a pattern or whatever. And one of the patterns I used to notice

on Top Chef and Project Runway because they used to be produced by the same people, and that was whoever they let call their loved one that week on Sidekick would get sent home every single week. So it was called the Sidekick of Doom.

Yeah. Because every time, and then they changed it because I guess they knew we were all onto them. And now there's a new one where Mike Isabella's partner was the first one kicked off

and he was the first one to get a testimonial that week. Like it was, not a testimonial, but a diary. Yeah. And so, do I still have Top Chef?

Please say I do. Oh, I do! Okay, so let me see here. Who has the first testimonial? I think the rule is the first person to get, like, where they intercut a picture of them with, like, the restaurant that they work or with their parents, they're the ones going home.

Okay, this week, the first person they show is... No, it's not who they show it's who they show talking oh my god i'm now that because this was a week ago but now now that now that i'm seeing these pictures there's so much we have to talk about on the show i mean like within the first two seconds the first testimonial was the guy with the patrick swayze tattoo so i guess that oh my god yeah patrick swayze tattoo that's the guy that didn't work. Oh my god. Yeah. Patrick Swayze tattoo. That's the guy. That's James.

What the frick? James. Oh I like James actually. He's like a local Boston guy right? Yes. I like him too. But Patrick Swayze tattoo killed me. I was laughing so hard when that happened.

Because it just came out of nowhere. And he's walking around without a shirt. Which on a gay network they normally don't let you do. Unless you work out and stuff. Which he doesn't. So I was like yay bravo they're growing up but um yeah then he was like yeah it's patrick swayze because he's such an inspiration the way he lived i was like really you know what as far as stupid chef tattoos go because that's what chefs are all about stupid tattoos i will take a patrick swayze tattoo over bacon or like a cow

that's like a tattooed cow where like the cow's body is like portioned off to different cuts of meat or like uh like a tattoo of like a leek or an onion or something that's like chef like i'm so sick of the worst is bacon yeah do you remember that guy who won Hosea? And he was like, bacon. Hey, I love bacon. Wasn't he the one who had, like, a bacon t-shirt? Yeah. That was, like, the beginning of, like, the bacon trend in pop culture. And it was, I hated it then.

I hate it even more now. I remember the guy, like, a year or two ago, he had a tattoo, I think, of, like, a pig. Like, I hate, even, I even saw the movie Chef. And Jon Favreau's character I think has like a like a tattoo of like a fork and a knife and I'm like I fucking hate it it's so like it you know it'd be like it'd be like us getting tattoos of microphones you know like yeah we're like look it's a typewriter it's like a it's like a key it's a wireless bluetooth keyboard I have a tattoo of my blue usb microphone my snowball microphone yeah or we could

just have like well we could get really into it and have like a vanderpump picture where his patrick swayze is like right over my boob i could just have a lisa picture yeah i mean i think it's i think it's funny that patrick sweet like he does patrick swayze in a non-ironic way like he's just he's such an inspiration like this is i know this sounds totally obnoxious to be like this, but on my other podcast last week, The Banter Blender, I actually interviewed Ryan Cabrera. Do you remember Ryan Cabrera?

He's like a... He's like a singer. And he has a tattoo of Ryan Gosling on his shin. And he showed it to me and everything. And his story was, like, yeah, basically, like, I got drunk with my friend, and, uh, like, we played tattoo roulette, and, like, he got to design a tattoo for me, and I designed a tattoo for him, and I, like, we didn't get to see it until we took the bandages off. And he had Ryan Gosling on his, and for me it was,

like, a dove or something. And so the friend got to put Ryan Gosling on his shin because, I don't know. The point is, it was like a funny, like, drunken story, you know? But, like, he wasn't like, yeah, I put Ryan Gosling on my shin because he's, like, such an inspiration as an actor and as a human being, you know? Yeah, you lost a bet. So I found my notes for Top Chef. Now, here's the problem with talking about Top Chef. Normally, I binge while I eat it because I have to eat when I'm watching a cooking show

and so I save that show for binge time so it's hard for me to take notes. I only have four or five lines of them here and they're mostly hating on Patrick Swayze tattoo, Todd English's face, which look we make fun of women's face so we have to

do it for the men too. Todd English, okay, you're so successful and wonderful. Why are you doing that to your face? Stop it. Men, men, it's not perfected yet. It's not acceptable yet for men. Okay? Except for me.

I'm going to get my neck cut. Because Katie knows someone who can freeze the fat there and take it off. But otherwise, stop it, okay? Stop pinningning your face up stop filling it with fillers you do not look younger you look fatter stop it stop it the other thing was snotty asian bitch is gonna go i'm gonna kill her may i love snotty asian bitch i'm about to kill snotty asian bitch now there's also really sweet asian bitch so don't don't get me, don't get confused. Melissa's the sweet one, Mae is the snotty one. Oh my god, I

love the snotty Asian bitch. The one who worked for Voltaggio and thinks she's so great because she worked for fucking Voltaggio. She scowls. I worked for Michael Voltaggio and he knows that I'm the best and everyone's going to know I'm the best and everyone's going to be so afraid of me because I worked for Michael Voltaggio. I am. No, no, no. I am. I love her. I no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that are fried and wonderful nachos, okay? It just means that I worked for him, bitch. It does not mean anything else.

I'm not Mr. Applebee. I like Mei Lin. She is... She scowls like no one else, and I love it. She's like, you know, she's like a... She's just like a cold-hearted bitch, and that's just what I like. And you know what? And she gave credit

to Kat... So arrogant. I cannot wait for her ass to get kicked off. Well, listen, listen. She's not totally arrogant because Kat Suji Tanabe, he made that sauce. He was like, I'm going to make the sauce. I'm going to make the sauce. She's like, I want to make the sauce. So then he makes the sauce.

Then she's like, yeah, it was really fucking good. And, you know, that was cool. After he got complimented or before? It was before. Because she gets put on the team with two people who were on the bottom last week, which I know has got to suck, but she makes a huge face in front of them and then she's like,

they're going to take me down. I can't believe that I worked for Michael Voltaggio and now I have to work with these idiots. Oh yeah, I would not want to work with her. This is a situation where in real life, I don't want to work with her or be on her team. She was mean to their face. She was just really mean and snotty and I cannot wait for her to get kicked off. I think my thing is that I don't really love Katsuji yet.

I kind of find him to be kind of annoying, but I'm open to loving him. Is he the Mexi-Jew? Mexi-Jew Japanese guy. He's the one who almost got eliminated the first episode. Now, I also like that Katie. Katie almost... She was the other one on that team. I like her.

She seems very sweet. I like when... Oh, yeah. The northern... Yeah, except she was the one who was like, this is Missouri broccoli salad or something like that. Yeah, the brass... Northern broccoli.

What was it? Yeah, it was something very... It was like a Midwestern broccoli salad. I actually like all the women on this season i have to say including rebecca i like her but i do not like snotty asian girl she's just she's my favorite she's my favorite of the women um but they did cast some unapologetic douchebags including her and that little short guy and the short guy mean doug the beard no no not the midge oh the asshole aaron right yeah yeah i like doug i'll tell you the guys i like i like doug i uh gregory i like gregory he's not my favorite but he looks like he's probably gonna be the the best male

he's the black guy um uh i uh ron eister you know i like. He's the one, he's like the fat bearded guy with the birthmark. I like him, but I kind of feel like he screwed over Joy because he was the one who was like, don't take the bone out of the veal, and the veal wasn't ready. You know? Oh, yeah. But he was right that if they had taken it out, I think they would

have given him a shit. There's just certain things on Top Chef that aren't really fair. Like, there are some time restraints that just aren't fair on that show they're like you have 20 minutes to make gnocchi you can't make gnocchi in 20 minutes okay you have to bake that you have to cook the potato skin it chill it rice it you know it takes more time you cannot do that in 20 minutes and there's are some times I just don't believe it because there was one season, Tiffany, I think season one, Tiffany was like, look, I made gnocchi in 20 minutes.

I was like, bitch, you did not. And I know that they must. I had a friend who was on one of these cooking shows. It wasn't Top Chef, but she was like, yeah, they gave us a little extra time. Master Chef Juneau. They added 10 minutes or so. Yeah.

I remember the first time and the only time I ever tried to make gnocchi. It was probably like 2006 or so, 2007, when I was just starting to learn how to cook, which was like an interesting process unto itself. I was sort of teaching myself. So I had made like a few recipes by Giada De Laurentiis. And they had been successful. And so I was like, oh, I want to make gnocchi i like gnocchi so i uh i followed her recipe and i uh i really didn't know what i was doing and i put those little little potato balls right into this boiling water and

it was like the recipe said like boil them for like two minutes and i was like that can't be right pasta takes like 10 minutes to boil so i like boiled those suckers like eight minutes each and it was just like this like buttery potato goo that came out and so then i just heaped together all the gnocchi and just made it like a weird mashed potato and i will always remember that like gummy disaster yeah gnocchi is actually really rough and they don't tell you how to make it the right way because there's a certain couple of steps that you miss because I love gnocchi, okay? And that was a rough one for me to learn to cook because I tried all these different recipes, and they would disintegrate in the water, or something was always wrong with them. And finally, I watched Anne What's-Her-Buns on Food Network, my favorite on there, because of this. Because she was like, oh, okay.

So once you cook the potato, you have to mash it. Then you have to rice it onto a sheet pan. And then you have to chill it. And then you add the flour and make them into little balls and boil them. And then they're perfect. They're fluffy and amazing. I've never read another recipe that said to do that. Well good well anne burrell you know she's the queen she's actually really i feel like honestly anne burrell and aina garden recipes almost always work out yeah and they taught me how

to make a pork roast by the way uh pork one i mean well it's this is off topic but um her new cookbook came out yesterday and i came for me in the mail. I was so happy because I'm sitting here I have a cold, in case you couldn't tell and I was lying in bed yesterday was my wallow day. I mentioned this on the bonus episode. I'm sorry, you're going to hear it twice but it was my wallow day and this cookbook came and like

made me so happy. Like, is there anything better than when you're sick that like you you get like a toy, basically, you know Yeah, something that comes in the mail yeah i just was like sitting there reading her cookbook and this is such a good cookbook there's so many interesting recipes like some of her cookbooks are like solid but the recipes are not that imaginative they're kind of like retreads of um her old recipes but this one i am so excited to make stuff from it. I like her. You know, I trust the fat ones. I don't trust Gia because, first of all, her show.

I don't trust Gia, Gia DiCi. Sorry, I had that written on my notes. I don't trust her, not just because she's skinny, but because her only adjectives are mmm. Ooh, that's good. Mmm. I think that's pretty much all she ever says. She's like. Ooh, that's good. Mm. I think that's pretty much all she ever says. She's like, mm, that's good. Oh, that's good.

Mm, that's good. While she pretends to eat her bite for the camera and then spit it out. And she makes shit. She's like, look, guys, it's grilled salmon. And all you really need to do is put some honey on top of it. I'm like, how is this a cooking show, bitch? Please, make something. She's like, boil some pasta. She can't say pasta.

She has to say pasta. And if anyone says it differently, she's like, no, that's wrong. I'm part Italian. Bitch, that is not how you say pasta. I've never heard no Italian say pasta. You know what we should do, Ronnie? There are a few of these people here who have restaurants in L.A. So we have Aaron, who has Bowen Trust in NoHo.

We have May Lin, who's at Ink in WeHo. And then we have Katsuji, who is at Mexicosha, which is in the Pico area. I think there's like one other of these chefs is based in L.A. We should go one night and order just like a small appetizer like a cheap appetizer from each of these places and then we can come back on the podcast and we can weigh in on how we think they are sounds good to me and like have a food trip yeah it'll be hilarious because we basically be judging these chefs on food that they may or may not have actually cooked but i'm okay with that

that they may or may not have actually cooked. But I'm okay with that. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,

especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Oh no. Ronnie is so excited that he actually he actually left. You back? Yeah, what happened? I don't know.

I just said that you were so excited that you just left to go to the restaurant. Yeah, I was like, bye. I'm going to go get some Mexi-Jew food. Yeah. I love that guy. He's like, I'm going to go get some Mexi-Jew food. Yeah. Mexico. I love that guy. He's like, I'm here to represent the Mexicans, the Jewish people, the fat people, the people who ride on buses, the people who put pomade in their hair, the people who like the color red, and the people who like macaroni and cheese.

That's me. I'm everything. You know, I love Top Chef. Honestly, it's such a breath of fresh air because Food Network has filled our TVs with so many dumb cooking competitions. Wannabes! Yeah, I mean, you know, I enjoy Chopped, and I know I like Food Network Star, but everything else... Yeah, but how many times can you watch someone try and cook, like, jackfruit or whatever? I know.

What is jackfruit, anyway? They have that at Whole Foods now in the fucking buffet that's disgusting i'm not eating that it's uh i think it's used in thai cooking a lot and and is it really fruit it looks like tuna fish i don't know but either way it's like you know all these shows these cooking competition shows have spread to other networks esquire has a show uh and the travel channel has it's just everything is like the same. But the best chefs still go to Top Chef. Top Chef is still the gold standard. Because Top sometimes,

they have people who can't open a cereal box. Like, really? You don't know how to open up a Cocoa Krispie? Come on now. Yeah. On the cooking show. Yeah. The funniest channel is the cooking channel because that's like the ghetto little brother

of Food Network. Yeah. I guess it's owned by the same people. Yeah people and whoever's not good enough to get on the food network goes over to the cooking channel and they're really stupid on that one they have one called bitchin kitchen i hate it hate it hate it so much it looks like a gadzooks where it's like trying to be all badass inside yeah or no like a go-round she's like she's like this like she has this like sort of like this she's like russian or something or She's like this... She has this sort of... She's Russian or something, or Polish, but she's trying to do this weird rockabilly

thing, so she's like, Hey, I am Kat. And she's like, whatever her name is, she's like, Welcome to the Bitchin' Kitchen. And now I'm going to mix some salt and sugar together. And then she cuts away to some strange character who's on a motorcycle. I'm like, Yeah! What is this awful show? I'm not opposed to a rock star. It's like on a motorcycle like yeah i'm like what is this awful show like

i'm not opposed to like a rock star it's like their top show on that channel it's actually big she's it's got a big following it's hilarious cooking it's actually now i'm getting really mad because cooking channel cooking channel was started up as it was supposed to be like the channel where – it was like when VH1 – it's like the VH1 classic to VH1. It's like, okay, while Food Network becomes more based on reality shows and competitions, Cooking Channel is going to repository for all the leftover, like, Kitchen Impossible or Restaurant Impossible or, like, all those Michael Irvine shows. And now it's just more of the Food Network. Like, there used to be this show on it. It may still be there. It was, like, this French cooking show.

There was, like, this woman in Canada whose name was, like, Laura or something like that. She had long hair. And, like, the entire show was like scored with edith p off and she had this very sophisticated haughty she's still on i love her and it and it's actually like in her house like in her gigantic yeah and she's always like and she's like really snobby i love that she's so snobby she's amazing she's like and she has this weird accent she's like well so for today i thought i would make some provencal onion because why not? It's Tuesday and I deserve it. And I'm like, yes, girl, you do deserve it.

She'll be like, when your husband is in finance and makes tons of money, I'm like, I don't know what her accent is. You just said it in Auburn. When you have all the money in the world, sometimes a little boiled cream can really fill that void. boiled cream can really fill that void. So just make sure that you simmer that for 37 hours and then debone your fish with a spoon. And then when you're done with that, make sure this egg is sitting out on the countertop for four hours until it's room temperature and then thrown into boiling water.

But just let it float. I'm like, shut up, man. You're making an egg. No, listen. Don't get on another egg rant, okay? You've already had your one egg rant. No more egg rants. She, Laura, whatever her name is,

she's great. She's always, like, everything is, like, uh, she finds an excuse to treat herself to something. I feel bad for her. No, don't feel bad for her. She's, like, making asparagus with hollandaise sauce every single episode. And she's like, well, you know, today i had an overdue penalty at the library so i thought why not make myself some asparagus but she's like it's just everything she's like she's like decided to make myself a fruit plate but i added a chocolate sauce instead and then they play this

then while she meant about the chocolate she does here's like i can't even i can't do it you just pee off music right now i'm sorry but i just feel like she's super sad i feel like she her kitchen is so big and she looks so tiny and you can tell like she does pilates every day and her husband's never home so you know he's a fucking somebody else does she have a husband i don't think so i think so i feel like she's mentioned her husband and she's like just sitting there with her pilates body making really fattening food that takes 20 hours all day in that house all alone it's always like kind of sprinkling outside i don't know it just it's always kind of sprinkling you know what it is it's always like it was just sprinkling and now the sun's coming out but there's still like like moisture moisture on the windows and the light is sort of weird.

Her name is Laura Calder. There's actually a really good one on that channel that I love. It's another French one, but it's a little girl who lives in Paris. It's like an English girl who has a little flat in Paris and she has this teeny tiny little stove and she can't even really turn around in her kitchen.

It's so tiny, but she still makes amazing things and then she serves people like it's a restaurant so people make reservations to come to her house it's like a dinner party of six there's like a mime there's like a docent from the louvre it's not that big like it's she it's no one people walk in and they have to sit down and that's it because there's nowhere else to go. And she still makes amazing things. She taught me how to make macaron. Does Carla Bruni ever come by?

No, but they always show her shopping. So she'll be like, today I walked through the streets of Paris and I looked at the beautiful things that were out. Because whatever's fresh is what we're going to use. But she's kind of like a voluptuous. She's really pretty. but she's kind of like a voluptuous she's really pretty and she's of course voluptuous because she's a chef but she's not fat she's just like a curvy woman and so of course it's paris so everywhere she goes guys are like oh they're like nice ass bitch like basically but in french and she gets sexually harassed everywhere she goes and she's just pretending she can't stop looking at the bread i love her have i don't know why we're talking about all this stuff i have there's more i have to say i can't stop have you ever seen uh

the show uh everyday exotic with roger mooking he sings his own theme song no it's so bad he's like like the show starts and he like sings this whole song and then it's like all these like international flavors but it's oh he uh he says like the same phrases over and over again he's like all right now all we're gonna do is add some turmeric all right now we're just gonna add some cumin okay now we're just gonna some coriander. It's like over and over again. It's already better than Giada's. He also has a show with Aaron Sanchez, Aaron Sanchez. Oh, that fucking guy.

Oh, whatever. Okay, we get it, Aaron. You're Mexican. Okay? Everyone's proud of you. Okay? You're unlike the billions of other Mexicans on the planet. He's like, oh, well, you know what i really liked about this the jalapeno okay we get it all right and i've never even heard

a mexican pronounce it like that so stop it it's that show that spice hunters is all about the two of them eating burgers and then one of them puts their hand on the other one's shoulder goes oh it's hot that's the entire show every single episode he is so proud of his stupid accent it makes me crazy so when he judges on chopped he's like oh okay this dessert that you made that you made it with a bagel and some fish sauce and some cinnamon and what else? Like gum. And the gum. Okay, so I thought that this would have been better with some heat because

I am Mexican. And I love jalapeno! Every time! It's like, Jesus Christ. Pour some hot sauce on a Rones. Or you're going to lose. I was going to say, I have a fantastic segue.

Because speaking of sauces and condiments, you know where I'm going with this. Coming? No. I was going to say, on Man's Own with Children this week... Oh, no.

They went to Austin. Sorry. Now we have to bring it back. I'm sorry. You know, Manzo's is my town. I mean, Austin is my town. I did not like that. We actually had a double episode of Manzo'd with Children.

Oh, there was? Well, the other episode was them doing the cafe stuff. Oh, I'm sorry. I only saw the one where they went to Austin. I didn't know it was a double. Well, okay. Don't worry. I can tell you exactly what happened. Basically, Lauren Manzo was a bitch on wheels.

She decided to change her... change Café from, like, a beauty bar to, like, a blowout bar. And Caroline was like, you can't just change it. You can't just change it without telling me. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then Lauren was like, and anyway, she wants to change the name from Caface

to Full Blown, which is hilarious because, you know, what I think of, everyone on the show is joking, like, Full Blown, they start making all these oral sex jokes. In my time, I just kept on thinking, like, so what are they going to call the people that work there? Full Blown AIDS? I don't know oh god i was actually thinking when she gains all her weight back like full-blown either way it's going from one terrible name to another and they both lend

themselves to obesity there's fat face and full-blown oh but she did but i will say lauren had a funny monologue about cafe she She's like, I hate the name. People don't know what it means. People think it's cat face. She said, I had someone last week literally call to make an appointment for their cat. I'm like, listen, as long as you're serving egg salad, we'll be good. That cat probably would have been better served than most of the people that go in there. That place looks like a damn mess.

It looks like they just throw shit all over the counters and open the store. It looks like it smells like a woman's ass, let's be honest. Yeah. So anyway, so that was the first episode, and it was just like Lauren was really being insufferable. And there was just more stuff with the girlfriend. Albie has this girlfriend with big tits, and, you know, she's obviously a fame whore.

Even though there was a lot of discussion about how it's easy to dismiss her as a fame whore, but that she might not actually be one, she obviously is one. Oh, God, I only saw her on the commercials. She's definitely a fame whore. Listen, anyone that hot dating Albie is either dating him for fame or money, and we all know it ain't money. Yeah. And then there was also more footage of Caroline, out, going to a boxing gym with LB.

I'm like, how many times do we have to see Caroline go to a gym and then complain? Yeah. I think they think that's funny to us, but I don't get it. I don't get this show. So the episode I saw opens with a memory of Caroline shaving her face, which was fucking disturbing. And then she starts talking about making barbecue sauce. And I'm like, wait a second. Being from the South now, you don't just start making barbecue sauce in New Jersey.

I mean, who does that? What fucking person in New Jersey has ever made fucking barbecue sauce? I've never heard of that before. And you know why? Because that is one of those things we enjoy doing in the South. We enjoy shit that takes 50 years and just requires a lot of eating

and nothing else. Because you can just sit back and say, well, I'm making a sauce. And no one expects anything of you the rest of your life. It's barbecue. It's a respectable thing. You don't just walk into the

fucking salt lake which is like the most famous one of the most famous places in texas and ask them how to how they make their barbecue sauce you fucking retard now it's an art uh i will say actually i enjoyed the second episode a little bit more but mainly because i enjoyed seeing the restaurants they went to and the food they were eating it looked good but it's like you know everything else i also was like this stupid woman thinks she could just walk in i was like i don't even know what the salt lick is but i i guarantee she's not going to get this recipe oh you would love austin i can't believe you haven't like gone and spent a month there just for the food alone just going from place to place it's a big restaurant town.

I love when they went into that broken spoke or whatever, and the waitress was like that girl from True Blood that was the waitress in that bar. They kept putting the memory thing on, like raising her memory, so she was always horrified every time she found out there were vampires. I didn't watch True Blood, but to me the waitress was like Austin's answer to Kim D.

Oh, yeah. Kim D not married rich. Yeah. She's like, you listen here, y'all. I'm going to bring you some good drink. And she pours some fireballs. I was like, ugh. Which I just read were taken off the shelf in Europe because they don't meet the quality guidelines.

But they're good for America. But they're good for us, y'all. Okay, so I wrote barbecue sauce, boys opening golfing. So I guess that's the thing where they open and the boys are like playing in the backyard together, bantering. Yeah. No. Manzos to Austin.

I wrote in caps, not funny. And then I put bugs in Texas areas are aggressive i'm being eaten alive and then i put now you know the horror of animals every time you're around so i guess that um i guess that must have been the daughter who said that oh and then i wrote when they went to shop for hats lauren says um that's why i don't lose more weight Because I don't want my head to look like a bobblehead. Or cheesecake? And that's really all I have. You can't with that show.

I don't care if there's nothing on it. I don't care if this week Bravo says we're not showing anything but Mansfield with children. If they do that next week, we're talking about how to get away with murder for an hour. I'm not watching this show again. When Lauren said the reason why she doesn't lose more weight is because she doesn't want her head to look like a bobblehead. I was like, you just keep telling yourself that, Lauren.

You just keep telling yourself that. That's the reason why. I did laugh when Christopher said, or one of the brothers, I don't remember, said, well, maybe you can get a lat bam for your head. The brothers had a few. There were a few one-liners this week that were funny. But, of course, I didn't write them down. And you have to suffer through the rest of it where it's just not.

It's just not. I don't even want to be mean because they actually seem so nice to me. Do they seem nice to you? I always think they seem like such a nice family. They do. They do seem like a nice family. I don't want to watch them. You know what? seem like such a nice family they do they do seem like you know they do i know a lot of nice families i don't want to watch them you know they seem like a nice family but i think they're a little too amused by their own preciousness you know like it's like okay we get it and and also you know the way caroline came strutting out of the last restaurant

being like i got the recipe i'm like you didn't get the recipe you got like one ingredient you know yeah he told you to boil ketchup and add like fucking salsa to it okay it's not a recipe yeah and i don't know i mean this it's just it is one of those shows you're like why am i watching you know it's it's pleasant enough i suppose like it's i don't know it's a big no it's a big no Huge no Huge no Huge no Wait so what else

Million dollar listing Los Angeles Well I haven't watched that show this season And I used to actually watch Los Angeles I like that one Did you watch last week's episode I did Me too It's the first one that I had watched.

And I'm so sad because, you know, Josh Flagg, who is the nicest of them all, his, you know, as we know, this was in the news that his grandmother had passed away. And it looks like the episode, last week's episode is sort of like leading up to her death. It looks like this week's episode is when the show deals with it and I'm so sad because she was so wonderful I know it was really sad I was really upset that now is the time we chose to watch it because I am a fan of that show even though I haven't

watched it this season and I really really like her let me see I did like where there was kind of a montage of advice from Edith. Because I thought that, I don't know, I just thought it was really funny. She's like, well, if they don't give you the money you want, you make them wait. You make them wait it out.

And he's like, okay, Grandma Edith. And I was like, you want to make those pants work? Get them two sizes smaller. Okay, okay. Thank you. I just thought that was so sweet. Now she's dead. So thanks a lot, Bravo. Okay, okay. Thank you. I just thought that was so sweet. Now she's dead. So thanks a lot,

Bravo. Thanks a lot. Otherwise, they've got two new characters, because Madison Hildebrand, which is the funniest name still to me, ever, is gone. Probably giving someone else's bully laugh from the fifth grade. He's gone, and he has been replaced by two homely guys from britland

yeah i don't mind them i actually don't mind those british guys i mind them okay i do not like them why not here's why i don't like them okay that's you know what it's not even that i don't like them i've only seen them in one episode um and they're working they're working hard for their money i'll give them that british people you you know how British people make fun of Americans relentlessly every time we see Americans go over there? Yeah. Well, guys, it's kind of your turn. Don't spray tan if you're British. Okay?

It does not work for you. You look crazy. You have these big ears and these big old noses and these beady little eyes. And then you just look orange on top of it. Does not work. Don't do that. And that's really all I have to say for them. There's a reason that God made England cloudy. Some people are not meant for the sun.

You're two of them. Stay away from it. You look crazy. That being said, their client was super hot. Oh my God. Okay, that's like such a typical L.A. guy. 45-year-old guy in skinny jeans. Yeah.

Stop with your fucking skinny jeans. But he could do it. He could do it. He was hot. He was hot. His hair was a little too bushy, but you could see he was hot. That guy's ridiculous. And he's an old standby on this show.

He's been on it a few times. Oh, really? I haven't noticed. He's usually selling. He's usually one of the sellers. Oh, I haven't noticed. He's usually selling. He's usually one of the sellers. Oh, I haven't noticed. And this time they had to find him a home to buy. You know what I was excited about? That Josh...

Not Josh. Yeah, Josh Altman. He had to take this woman, this British woman, to look at houses. And one of the mansions that they looked at was that giant atrocity that they've been building on Sunset Boulevard for years. years and years and years and years and years. You know what I'm talking about?

And they keep showing it to people on this show. Oh, really? This was like a rehash of so many houses that they've already shown people a zillion times. And nobody is going to buy that house. Here's the thing with that house. I'm assuming you've noticed that house, too, before even this show, right? Where is it now? On Sunset and what?

It's just on Sunset Boulevard. Sort of like, you know when you're going west on the Sunset Strip and then it turns into Beverly Hills, you just go like a few blocks in and it's like right there. Oh, so it's like on the street? Yeah, it's like this huge, huge like fake chateau.

Who builds a $60 million fake chateau on the street? I mean, at least be enclosed someplace.ateau on the street i mean exactly enclosed someplace yeah the from you know on the show they make it look like it's almost like this like big private estate no it's like you see it as you drive by and it's been under construction for ages clearly there were delays and everything but to me what's hilarious is that like it's so ugly and gaudy and it's like it's on the one hand it wants to be a chateau, okay? And so it has all these chateau flourishes. But then it also sort of wants to be modern. So it has these like big black ugly windows right on that front – right at the front door.

And then the front door has this like canopy of sorts that's almost like an homage to like the Paris Metro, like coming out of the Paris Metro. It is so like misguided and beyond terrible. I don't know. It's very Vegas hotel. Yeah. Like when Vegas is trying to look like Venice or whatever. Yeah, it's absolutely terrible. And someone will buy it.

Someone with no taste will buy it. But $60 million? It's huge. I mean, come on. It's huge. I mean, when you drive by it, every time I drove by it, I'm like, is that building for real? It is so massive.

One of my favorite things about Million Dollar Listing LA is to see the crappy homes in LA. Like, there's something weird about Los Angeles, and I'm not sure if it's in zoning laws or what. But have you ever noticed if you are up in the hills, you'll see construction on empty lots still. But it's very rare to see an entire house get knocked down and rebuilt. There must be some kind of law about it. Because most of the homes here were built in the 60s, it looks like. Especially if you're over the hill. Like in North Hollywood, all the ceilings have cotton.

What is that? Cotton ceiling? What is that called? Fabric glass? No. That texture that they put the ceilings have cotton... What is that cotton ceiling? What is that called? No, that texture that they put on ceilings is called like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Popcorn. Yeah, popcorn ceilings. They've all got popcorn ceilings and terrible carpet

because that's what time they were built in when that stuff was popular. And here it's like 60s, like 3's company and nothing ever gets updated. Like they were showing that guy. The Brits were showing that guy these old, outdated 70s homes. And there's still $20 million. Like that is fugly, dude.

I actually loved the second one that the guy looked at. It was like big. And like when he's like, oh, it's so much like a bachelor pad. I'm like, sign me up. Oh, well, that's true. Because when you're in the hills like that, you're paying $20 million to basically be where everyone can see into each other's homes. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Leah Black's husband has a telescope. I'm sure they all have telescopes. They probably all look at each other. That's how Leah knows where everyone lives. You go to her house and she's like, Look, that's Britney Spears. Look over there.

It's Justin Bieber. Isn't that fun? How fun is that? Good news. Our policy specialist reviewed your site and decided to re-enable ads. Oh, really, Google? Oh, really? Really now after three weeks of no income? good news our policy specialist reviewed your site and decided to re-enable ads oh really google oh really really now after three weeks of no income and me crying and vowing to sell my site and leave the internet forever well thanks a lot google um what was i gonna say i shouldn't

check email while we're doing this i like that's what happened guys that's been my drama all right and i'm sick of it. By the way, I also like that the million dollar... The British woman that Josh Allman was, like, taking around. So they look at that $60 million house. And the woman's like, Oh, yes, uh, like... I just don't think that we can take this because, you know,

it'll be done in two months and when we buy it, like, we won't have anywhere else to go. As if, like, if you pay $60 million for a house, can't afford like a rental for like two months by the top floor of the four seasons yeah exactly and then they settle on like uh like a i don't know maybe like a it was a 16 16 million dollar house i'm like i'm like okay well obviously the reason why i didn't take it not not because it wasn't done because you can't afford 60 million dollars and also her cheap ass husband it's always those people who are like, I'll look at the $60 million home, please.

And then their husband gets on the phone with the real estate brokers, who, by the way, Josh and his brother, a double douche, and they're on the phone with this guy and the house is $16 million and he's like,

I'll give them $12 million or whatever. It's like, no. You're not going gonna get this house for fucking two to four million dollars less than the asking and he's like i'll get a real agent you are not gonna get any agent that is gonna get you this house for two million dollars off the asking price you dildo well okay the best part about that british guy was that he was like when he gets on the phone with his wife he's like hi honey how's, how's pumpkin? And she's like, oh, pumpkin's good. He's like, oh, good schnookums. So glad you're having such a

lovely trip. Oh, so lovely to speak to you. And he's like, now put me on with the agents. And they're like, hello. He's like, where the fuck is my house? I'll get some real agents. I'll get my, I'll get my friend Nathan. Two weeks, or two days. I know. Oh, and another thing I love is that the houses houses i put houses in la are so 60s and

like fake marble and stuff and then it shows the view they're like look at this this is your 20 million dollar view and it's like total pollution you can't see anything in the hills because it's like you're almost you're close to the smog you know gosh you know what i really feel bad Flagg because, you know, a few weeks ago I posted photos from inside one of his houses that he's trying to sell, which apparently was then on the show with all this, like, horrific, like, Greek Orthodox ornamentation and then, like, weird Spanish stuff. And, like, everything was, like, a disaster. and then they showed this house in redondo beach where it was like all marble and all these like strange tchotchkes and weird like little like paintings of ostriches and donkeys all over like every it's i don't know how you sell that i don't know how you sell that without just redondo beach is a pretty crazy um place yeah i don't know if you've ever been any anywhere out there like once or twice

i've been like to i've met a few people out there and every time i go it's crazy like who lives like this it's a beach or a playa del rey where you go and it's like all the sanitation departments all along the beach like blowing their poopy like poopy pollution everywhere and people are like look i moved to the beach i'm like you moved like poopy pollution everywhere and people are like look i moved to the beach i'm like you moved to the fucking sanitation center like you basically moved to the place where they process shit congratulations enjoy your view you fucking weirdo meanwhile stay inland meanwhile josh flagg bought uh his boyfriend colton a like this really sweet bm it was a BMW, right?

And, you know, the thing is, I've never been a fan of Colton. You know, I think Josh Flagg is so sweet. And, I mean, Colton's been nice, but there's something about him that I feel like there's something, like, quietly evil about him, based really on very little, based solely on TV. Well, he does look like an evil little queen. He does. And, you know, so here's, okay, so here's, I'm going to be very internetty right now. I did not like that Josh gets Colton this BMW and then, and Colton's like, I'm going to take it for a spin.

And he just drives off. I'm like, how about you say, hey, you want to come with me? You know, like, this guy just bought you this, like, this, like, you know know this car that costs thousands of dollars and you just go driving off no poor josh has the brain of a top but the body of a bottom so it's really hard for him to find a like he basically had to find a lot one of the lollipop people to be his bottom more thing and he's so nice he had a bueller one time oh he was like i like your dog and i said you're dressed so casually. I like the way that Josh

I like the way that Josh Flagg's voice lilts up when he talks sometimes. He'll be like, alright, we'll get you in there. He'll be like, alright, we'll see what we can do. You actually do sound like him. Well, we're gonna like I'm sure we'll sell this in no time, okay? So how about the other Josh

and his stupid fake relationship? I'm so sick of it. And his stupid fake girlfriend with her new face that doesn't even make any sense. It looks like a Mr. Potato Head put together backwards. She's looking sluttier and sluttier every season. She is. And she's like, I decided that we shouldn't get married because I need more time. And I know that you enjoy your job, But I need to be first in your life.

And I need to come before your job. I'm like, bitch, you ain't never going to come before. You could come before work. And then he's going to go to his job. You are never going to come before his job. Okay? Get over it. Stop dating somebody who's one way.

And then think you're going to change them with your magical vagina. That's not how life works. Meet somebody that you like and marry them for that, right? Thank you. You don't seem to have any problem with the money that he's making. Yeah, exactly. I hope you enjoy having this conversation at Red O, okay? Because if you want him to stop working, you'll be having that conversation at Baja Fresh next time.

Yeah, no kidding. I enjoyed discussing this over a nice Red Robin burger made out of, like, ground salmon. Yeah. She's going to be at, like, Spago being like, I really don't – I just want you to spend less time at work. Like, mm-hmm, enjoy that price-fix meal. Prefix, in fact. You know, it's like – Oh.

Yeah, I know that she works and does something but it's like very she's like very classic we see these women all over la you know like pretty blonde attach themselves to someone who earns a lot of money and then they're like but josh yep that's pretty much how it happens and hey look we're not it's not only a woman thing men do it all the damn time too they're like well i'm gonna get with this uh yeah i'm gonna get with this girl who totally wants babies and all she talks about is getting married and having babies and then i'm not gonna marry her give her babies and then i'm gonna wonder why she's pissed all the time yeah it's like because you married somebody who wants kids and a baby okay so many terrible people in the city sometimes in the world though in the world

okay i've never lived in a city where i haven't hidden inside most of the time austin came close but trust me that place is full of as much assholes as anywhere else in the world okay a lot of good people a lot of assholes guys it's called the world the world the world okay so speaking of awful people we're stuck in the world with, let's go on to Real Housewives of Jew Jersey. I don't know why I called it Jew Jersey. There's not any Jewish people in there. Oh, wait. I didn't realize we were watching this special this week.

I didn't watch it. How could you not watch Secrets Revealed, Ben? You don't know what's going to happen on this show. I didn't realize we were actually watching it. I will just read my notes then. Yes, please do. Bonting trip to Atlantic City. Dina said it's a melting

pot of white trash, which is totally true. Everybody's getting their period, so we got to listen to a bunch of bloody vagina talk. That was disgusting. And shoving tampons up their vaginas, which was really fun. And Dina talking about bleeding like a stuck pig and trying to get a tampon in but couldn't get it in.

So that was a lot. Glad theyina talking about bleeding like a stuck pig and trying to get a tampon in but couldn't get it in. So that was a lot. Glad they put that back in the show. Keep that on the cutting room floor. I went to Atlantic City once. It was hideous. Stripper class because that's new. So they have the stripper class and everyone has their periods. And Melissa was pretending like she's never seen the stripper pole in her life and was acting like she couldn't dance or anything

which is hilarious. You know what really makes me mad about that is that not only do we see the stripper class thing all the time on The Real Housewives, they've done it on New Jersey. Very famously Danielle Staub was in a stripper class season 2 where she spreads her legs like crazy and then Kim G

Kim Granatel tries to get on the pole and she swivels around and we see her wearing a thong like there's no reason to bring that like that was that was the high point of the stripper class storyline in all the real housewives there's been no need to bring it back um there was one funny thing that dina said about the periods because i mean they seriously talked about periods every two second um but dina said, why does anybody trust women? You should never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. That was so she's so overheard that from one of her disgusting brothers.

But I thought that was really funny. That's funny. Teresa was getting Tanner all over the wall while Dina was trying to put on a tampon. Amber got drunk and started talking about her inner horror that's named something uh teresa doesn't know what an apparatus is uh teresa talking talking so dina was talking about how she met her husband tommy when she was like 16 or something and teresa's like oh i beat you because i met my husband when we was babies and um he was always in trouble always in trouble and my mom wouldn't let me anywhere near him because he was so much trouble and now look at him like happy like look

we're married i'm like you're both going to jail like not getting it at all uh then joe joe with the kids because he was stuck home with the kids which i guess is going to be the next year of his life uh milani is just threatening to murder everybody and he's like i'm like loving it uh what else twins twins are like an hour late or something and they get mad because everybody gambled without them and then the twins went on a bitch rant where they were just mean to be on camera yelling at everybody for being rude and not having any manners oh god and what else um i mean really oh oh the best part was theresa going to lunch with kathy okay so she makes dina come who just looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but kathy comes they're being fake with each other and kathy's like hey listen Teresa, I've decided to write a cookbook.

Which immediately Teresa's hackles go up because that's her thing, even though she totally stole the cannoli idea. Right. And the desserts idea. So Kathy's going to make this cookbook. And Teresa's like, you know, already like blinking, like giving her those hard psychotic blinks. And Kathy's like, and and you know my uh publishers were asking if i could get a blurb from people like who could give me a blurb and um you know i was wondering if maybe you could do it and theresa's like blurb what what blurb what's a blurb and

then she pulls out a dictionary a big old dictionary she's like let me look it up in this dictionary maybe then i'll know what it is i was like uh-oh so then they cut back to when kathy gave theresa a dictionary as a joke christmas present basically calling her an idiot and theresa's like kath you call me an idiot and give me a dictionary and now you want to blurb and kathy's like well i thought it was funny i mean i don't know why why you didn't think it was funny and listen she doesn't think it's funny because you fucking called her an idiot in front of her family and on TV. Okay, that's why. But then Teresa wouldn't let it go and it was really funny and she refused to give Kathy a blurb for her book.

Is that when she said, like, let me look – if you look up the word bitch, it's Kathy? Yeah, she's like, oh, I got a dictionary. I look up bitch. It's K-A-T-E-I-E can't wait for her to go off to jail it'll be amazing I know because really all you can do in jail is read god bless her

oh man she's gonna come out looking so old I'm so mad that I watched Real Housewives of New Jersey Secrets Revealed and you didn't. I know we texted and I didn't realize that we had signed off on that show.

Well, this has to be one of the weirdest episodes of ours because we talked about the cooking channel for half of it and then shows that we don't like the rest of it. I think it was sort of fun. I thought it was refreshing to talk about something else like i mean how many jokes can you like i mean like especially jersey's been so bad it's been fun talking about the houses on million dollar listing i i i liked it and i

liked our whole top chef rant so i love million dollar listing i think i'm gonna watch that again this week because next week is the below deck uh reunion which nothing's gonna happen i mean i've watched below deck too did you um i didn't know god damn you it was really sick it was very cute well yeah i was in front of the damn tv oh yeah but you play those video games no i was like asleep um it was good really really funny but you know you don't want to talk about stuff that's good and funny you need to talk about bitches fighting you know listen next week on the podcast we have a lot of stuff we're gonna have jersey reunion we're gonna have below deck reunion we have vanderpump rules premiere we have uh euros of hollywood premiere we have a lot and then i'd even have mr matthew wilson

but i'm not sure if he's coming next week or the week after. Matthew Wilson? Yeah. Who's that? I'm sorry, Matt Whitfield. Oh. I know I'm Matt Wilson, too. Sorry.

Oh. Yay, Matt. Oh, good. So, look, it's going to be everything. It's going to be so much. Yeah, guys. And I'm sure you'll have a brand new egg rant for us all. Yeah, I'll be pissed about some eggy next week.

You'll be like, I don't need to go on a yacht to have an egg. I can just go out and make an egg in my microwave. If you want to hear more random ranting about eggs and AIDS, check out our bonus episode this week on Patreon. I don't think we talked about AIDS this week, right? It's only

child molestation. We talked about a bunch of weird shit on that one. Oh, we talked about gay bashing. I had fun with the bonus episode this week, though. Me too. We talked about a bunch of weird shit on that one. Oh, we talked about gay bashing. Yeah. I had fun with the bonus episode this week, though. Me too. We were going to talk about all this Bravo gossip, and we only talked about one piece of Bravo gossip, and we went on this whole thing.

We talked about homophobia and this gay basher, and it was great. Yeah, that was fun times. I agree. It was fun. We had a lot of tangents this week. Anyway, I'm going to go put this episode up and then go pass out. Yeah, okay. So everybody come for extras, come to patreon.com

slash watch what crappens for our bonus episodes, ringers and parties. And Patreon, by the way, Patreon is spelled P-A-T-R-E-O-N not I-E-O. Yeah, and if you need that link, just come to our watch what crappens dot com page. It's got all of our social media links, the links to our websites where we write recaps and all that stuff um and uh check in for news about our live show on january 25th yes that's it right yeah everybody love you guys

bye everyone happy halloween what a spooky episode! Oh, you're awful. What an awful thing to say. What an awful ghost and goblin. What an awful scary thing you did there. What a terrible thing. I can't believe you came back from the dead. You know what I call you? You know what I call a ghost that comes back from the dead? Zombie!

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