Watch What Crappens - #171: The Prince, the Victim, and Magical Gargoyles

Episode Date: March 26, 2015

Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) join forces on...ce again to snark on the Season Five finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills before moving on to Southern Charm, Shahs of Sunset and the Real Housewives of Melbourne. Join us! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello everyone. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com, and joining me is the beautiful, talented, thin, and gorgeously coiffed Ben Mandelker of B-SideBlog.com and the Banter Blender. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Hold on. There's a White Castle delivery being delivered to MJ's house. Tell me. All right. Let it land. Let it land. Oh, yes. I can hear all those sliders rolling off
Starting point is 00:01:06 rolling off the flatbed um please listen to ben's other podcast the banter blender with ben mandelka and special guest whoever whoever mcgee yeah i should record another episode um our uh to find all our social media links our our Twitter, blah, blah, blah, to follow us personally, if you like us, go over to watchwhatcrappens.com because that's where it's all listed. Also come over to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens, because that is our community, our community of faith, where we discuss Housewives shows with all of you and you all meet each other and we all become good friends. Build hands. We build faith and bravo together. We just love that place. And throughout this episode and every episode, we will be stealing comments from those comment sections.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Yeah. So thank you to everybody who participates in that. And one more thing. Do not fast forward. All right, I see people pressing that little 30-second fast forward thing on Stitcher all right this is exciting what's what ryan's about this is about penis pumps work all right spread the news tell the neighbors no i'm just kidding they don't um penis almost exploded i'm just kidding i don't have a penis pump yeah so um we have a big announcement so we originally when we started this patreon thing patreon.com slash watch what
Starting point is 00:02:25 crap happens where you can come subscribe and get bonus episodes and um ringers and a monthly party and all that stuff which has been a great success we did not know that it was gonna get such a good response and so we set a really high goal number for doing a second episode every week. We set a goal number of $1,000 thinking, well, that'll never happen. $1,000 per episode. Yeah. Yeah. So we thought that'll never happen. And you guys really came through and have almost gotten us there.
Starting point is 00:02:55 We hit $850 today, which is crazy. Yeah. And that is way more than we ever thought we would get. So we decided since there's so much content, we're being stupid at waiting for it to get to be $1,000. So we are going to start next week doing two free episodes a week. Yes. We'll be doing Melbourne, Southern Charms. Wait, I forgot.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Who cares? There will be two episodes a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yes, Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, they will be coming out. So check for that. There are too many shows now. There are just too many shows. We can't fit them all in one hour, and we feel bad leaving certain ones out.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Yes, and we will still have the bonus episode every week and the ringers and the hangout and all that good stuff. So if you guys have not subscribed, please go do that. It's still worth it. There's a lot of good stuff to be had there. We are loving doing this show, and we are upping our commitment to you guys have not subscribed please go do that it's still worth it there's a lot of good stuff to be had there we are loving doing this show and we are upping our commitment to you guys next week and in fact i will go right now and go on to the patreon page and say that we've hit our first goal yeah even though we changed it you know i'm gonna change the goal to 8 50 and then we'll say we did it we've got so many shows to talk about we're short shifting them
Starting point is 00:04:06 also everybody who's giving me shit about not watching Shaws of Sunset and saying I'm a spoiled brat and I'm on a Bravo show and I should do it anyway okay you're right so I did catch up with all my Shaws so shut the fuck up
Starting point is 00:04:18 and thank you for your advice okay I listened to you so I'm allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up because I took your advice and I did what you told me to do because I'm a pussy so anyway to shut the fuck up. Because I took your advice and I did what you told me to do. Because I'm a pussy! So anyway, next week we're starting a double show.
Starting point is 00:04:31 That's probably all you need to hear from me. At the beginning, who cares about Walmart? Who cares about, you know, the Rose... What's that flower place? A fucking flower candy place? Who cares about all these sponsors, alright? All this sponsor time, screw you. We're just thanking the subscribers. They're who really matters.
Starting point is 00:04:48 They're the real, those are all people, all right? Sherry's Berries. They're the tuna tartar in our pump restaurant. Yeah, so as Kristen Daute would say, if you're not one of our listeners, suck a dick. Yeah. All right, so we've got like... Seriously? Seriously.
Starting point is 00:05:03 But in the sweetest way. We've got like 19 hours of programming to discuss this week, so let's just get on the ball with it. Ben, what would you like to talk about first? Oh, did I forget something? No, I'm just happy to say that now our Patreon page, because I just adjusted our first goal from 1,000 to 850, it now has a little thing on there that says,
Starting point is 00:05:27 Reached! With an exclamation point. Oh, we did it! We did it! I'm glad they don't say reached by cheating. Oh, no, Jiner. That was an awful thing to say. By the way, we talked about this a tiny bit on the bonus episode, but if you didn't know about this, this was posted on our wall.
Starting point is 00:05:44 We talked about this a tiny bit on the bonus episode, but if you didn't know about this, this was posted on our wall. And it turns out Gina, Gina Liano, has a new book out called Feel Is My Life My Way. Go read it. If you'd like, send us a copy, and we'll spend a few episodes just reading that out loud to you on your walk or on your run. Gina, just send it to us. We'll just make an appeal to Gina herself. Yeah. What the hell, Gina?
Starting point is 00:06:08 Gina? Gina, I put you on a list of the best housewives on Ranker.com. Where's the thanks? Where's the gratitude? All right. So what show do you want to talk about first, Ben? Oh, well, I think we should probably start with Beverly Hills because that was the most incendiary, although we had a bunch of incendiary episodes this week of everything.
Starting point is 00:06:30 But I think we should start with Beverly Hills. Okay, we've also got some extras here for Beverly Hills. So once we've, if I don't mention the extras, please remind me that we have extras, because they're good. Okay, so Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Starting point is 00:06:45 Let's talk about that show. Ben, what did you think? A lot of our commenters were saying boring, snooze, blah. But I thought it was pretty fun. Oh, I was like hanging on to every moment of it. I loved it. Yeah, I thought it was pretty fun. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Well, let's see. It started with Nikki Hilton having some signing at Kyle's Dollar Tree store. Okay. So listen, wasn't Nikki the brunette one? Yeah. I think at some point she will. I was.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Yeah. And then she changed over to be platinum blonde. Why would you do that? Standing next to Paris? If you're the homelier sister, I liked it. She was like the one with a brain and a real job and a brunette, you know, like her natural hair. What is she doing?
Starting point is 00:07:28 What do you think? I don't know. I mean, she's pretty. I think I think she's allowed to go whichever way she wants with her hair. I just think it's funny that that like the aunts were all like proud that where they were like, well, you know, Nikki, she was listed as like one of the fashion most fashionable people of all time when she was 15 i was like i mean that was like so long ago and now she's signing books in a dollar tree how far she's come yeah exactly um i think uh yeah it was it's sort of random you know paris was there. Kathy was there. And then the strangest part to me was when Maurice's mother, Estella or Estrella, whatever her name is, showed up with this strange, like, German prince on her arm. He sort of looked like a cartoon character.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Sort of like almost like a Mr. Incredible, but like not as like barrel chested. Yes. You know, he looked definitely like a cartoon character. He did, and listen, if you're a prince, you guys got wigs over there, right? Does America have to do everything for you? You need
Starting point is 00:08:35 a wig, a rug, some spray hair, a shave. You need something. We need to get some American faggito. I'm good with doll hair. I was just talking. I didn't even know she were gone until I heard a little thing. I was gone.
Starting point is 00:08:59 I was gone. What did you say? I was just saying that little country needs some wigs. I mean, what the hell? They don't have wigs in his country? If you're like the richest guy in the country and you don't have a wig, there's a problem with your country that needs to be fixed. I just feel bad that this German prince is being introduced at basically a crappy women's store. You're a prince.'re royalty what are you doing at nikki hilton's like book signing and you're being like introduced by a psychiatrist are you kidding that fool okay that first of all maurice's mom okay i'm glad that you're getting discount
Starting point is 00:09:40 surgery from paul calm down with it how much you already? She didn't need it in the first place, by the way. She was beautiful. She didn't need it in the first place, and when she had it, it was like, okay, she dodged a bullet. It actually looked pretty good. I agree. Something happened. I was like, whoa. Stop it. She's getting possum face. She is.
Starting point is 00:09:59 And then this poor guy, I mean, like, talk about an unroyal treatment. I mean, he should not have been there. He should have been off in Pasadena at some country club. Like, not at Kyle by Eileen off of whatever, Beverly Boulevard or Beverly Drive or wherever it is. Camden or Roscoe. Kyle by Eileen 2 or whatever.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Yeah. What was I going to tell you about that? I lean to whatever. Yeah. What was I going to tell you about that? Oh, I was reading on Stupid Housewives today that he's not even a real prince, that he was like an adopted son of somebody and somebody. And he's been like disowned by the royals or something. And he has a website selling underwear with his logo on it or something. Really?
Starting point is 00:10:40 I mean, I was scanning it while I pooped. OK, I'm going to be honest with you. It was a quick scan while I pooped. But I was like, oh, figures, he's a phony. Yeah, and none of this is shocking. I mean, look, he's like, he's all up on Camille Grammer. I mean, if you're all up on Camille Grammer, then you know. But isn't he boning Estella?
Starting point is 00:10:57 She's bringing him everywhere. Why is everybody assuming that just because she has possum face and she's 90 years old that she's not boning the prince? You know, she's like, look at this prince i found you know look at him everyone's like all right let's let's hook him up with camille no that's not how it works maybe estella's getting a little well i don't know what i don't know what's sadder is it sadder that he chose camille grammar over paris hilton or is it sadder for paris hilton that she can't she can't even get like a low rent german prince anymore oh Is she married? Paris looks better than ever.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Mostly because those flashbulbs in her face are so bright you can't even see lines on her face. She's like a stick figure with some hair on there. No, Paris is doing A-OK. I'm not worried about Paris. She's doing a great job in her post...
Starting point is 00:11:43 Her post comes swallowing on the internet, period. Yeah. Now that she's sort of seeded the stage. Seeded. DJ Parasol. Lord knows she's done enough seeding. Does she have a kid or anything? No.
Starting point is 00:12:01 No, probably. Do you know how many kids she's probably spit out? Whoa, wait a second. I just looked up. Wait, I just did a search for Paris Hilton's boyfriend. Do you know how many kids she's probably burped at? Do you know how many kids she's probably snarfed? I don't know why I'm being
Starting point is 00:12:21 so gross. I'm just having a weird mood today. Paris Hilton has a boyfriend named River Vipieri and he's pretty handsome. Bad omen. I don't know why I'm being so gross. I'm just having a weird mood today. Paris Hilton has a boyfriend named River Vipieri, and he's pretty handsome. Bad omen. What? Bad omen. Let's stop naming our children River. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Yeah. There was really only one river. It didn't end well. Yes, that's right. It didn't ended terribly. So anyway, so there was a low-rent prince at Kyle by Eileen. And then I don't think anything else happened. Well, let's see. I mean,
Starting point is 00:12:53 Brandy wasn't there, obviously. So things were pretty, like, civilized. I'm trying to see here. We skipped the most important part of the episode. Lisa Renna wore white jeans again that she just wore in amsterdam and she took apart a swing set i mean come on guys let's talk about that what do you have to say about that ben wow well that was really a momentous occasion yeah
Starting point is 00:13:18 that's that is up there with some of the great demolitions of history i mean seeing that swing set topple over, a tear came to my eye. And Harry's like, I mean, not Harry. What's his name? Harry Hamlin. Oh, Harry. He just doesn't seem like a Harry to me.
Starting point is 00:13:32 Harry. What a weird name for him. Anyway, Harry Hamlin is like, look, I'm not cheating and fucking and getting drunk all over the place. I'm taking care of a swing set for my kids. All right, Harry. I don't know. I believe. I All right, Harry. I don't know. I believe.
Starting point is 00:13:47 I don't believe him. I don't trust him. He's done something to Lisa Rinna. I don't know. He's screwed over Lisa Rinna. Okay, actually, while we're on this, something fun that's been posted is this blind item that's been going around that is talking about Kim Richards. They threatened to fire Kim Richards if she mentioned
Starting point is 00:14:06 what Harry's secret was. And so she goes on the reunion and claims to not know. And she claims to have made everything up just to get under Lisa's skin. Sort of like a... Sounds like she took a page out of Gamble's playlist.
Starting point is 00:14:22 Everybody in the world! I heard you were selling your body for heroin! I heard you were selling your body for heroin and having
Starting point is 00:14:37 sex with pink poodles all around the town! Wolfie, I would give you heroin for free. Wolfie. Oh, God, I can't wait to get to that shit. Okay. We're making this episode sound like nothing happened.
Starting point is 00:14:55 And a lot happened. Camille wore a dress with a Mario sky and like ducks or something as a skirt. And what else happened here? Let's get to the meat of the show because we have a lot of shows to cover so adrian maloof had a birthday party of some sort at supper club in hollywood and um so this is like this this the season ending party um so you know everyone and their mother was invited like you know everyone so i mean camille not only did camille show up she brought didi and the other one you know this is like these are like sidekicks from three seasons ago who were showing up so everyone under the sun was there hagrid and didi right in
Starting point is 00:15:35 tow and you know what god but it's so mean that i call that woman hagrid i just say that because she's so tall you know but she actually looks so pretty. So sorry if you listen to this. You're not I don't call you Hagrid because you're ugly. You're just a very tall statuesque woman. OK. Yeah, that's right. You could have also called her Cheryl Swoops. There you go.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Weird. So anyway, Camille wore a very strange dress, by the way. It had like these cutouts. It was like a strange, slutty candy cane. had like these cutouts it was like a strange slutty candy cane yeah camille with camille is basically there's a bus pulling out of the station it's like youth on its way um out of the country and camille is just like holding on to the tailpipe and hoping it'll turn into a penis with a wallet attached to it and she admitted it she it was actually kind of amazing watching her work because she admitted it. She's like, well, this is the last time I could probably go to a club, so I might as well give it the old college try.
Starting point is 00:16:30 And then she just walks up to the prince and she starts flirting like a pro. I mean, she's like, this is how – if anyone ever wants to know how you land a rich man, you follow Camilla Grammar because she's been doing this for a long time. She knows exactly what to do. She sees a prince. She's like, oh, this is what I have to do. I have to hang over him and gaze into his eyes and bat my eyelashes and like boom within a second he was like kissing all up on her yeah because he's fake and he's probably like wow i found frazier's ex-wife rich ding ding ding he's like have you do you have any interest in doing some undercover
Starting point is 00:17:01 superhero work your arms are your arms elastic by any chance well i love in the first season camille basically got herself in trouble at first because she was grinding up on everyone's husband and then she was trying to like sexy dance and it was just so awkward and painful to watch i will never forget her flash dance sequence from the first episode when she was like in the shadows showing how she danced dying okay yeah so they really got camille really quit this show at the wrong time because to not be able to see camille dip back into the whore pool come on i want to see camille be a whore please bring her back next year and just concentrate on her trying to steal everybody's
Starting point is 00:17:42 husband please yeah do that do that do that do that while dd follows behind her picking up you know like sequins that fall off her band-aid dress yeah so even though this was adrian's party we actually didn't see adrian until late in the episode because she had this like ridiculous elaborate entrance wherein she arrived in this very like labored magic trick where this magician's like i'm gonna disappear now and they like raise like a glad bag up and over around him and then he's like it's like for like five minutes you just see like a lot of shuffling and you see like hands pressing up against the fabric and everything and like no one's paying attention and it drops and then agent moves was like no one even notices and then the best is at the end of the episode when uh when she's like talking to like kyle and and kathy and uh and she's like oh i'm sorry i missed all
Starting point is 00:18:36 this i was doing my magic act and kathy's like you're doing magic now totally dismissive i love that every product adrian comes out with this bullshit bogus terrible product what was this one it's called never hung over yeah i don't know and at least at least savannah pump is hilarious she's like well i wonder what what product they're peddling i mean she said it's a birthday party but you know the only reason why she ever throws a party is if she can sell something. She's like, but I don't care what it is, darling. I'll be there to support her.
Starting point is 00:19:13 So she doesn't threaten to buy Villa Blanc out from under me and ruin my life. So anyway, everyone started to convene. Although right before they convened, there was some footage of people getting ready, including Brandy and her gay. Who, by the way, what's his name? Mark or something like that? it was one of these like big moments where she was doing the pity party thing she's like i'm just not in the mood like that did that did that did that and then he's like yeah and then like he like comes up from behind he's like oh i love you and she's like i love you i was like oh my god that was so gross she's like it, this is going to be so hard. It was like watching two pool toys have a love fest. I was like, ugh.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Yeah, I was like watching those two floating wiener things in the pool, those foam things, just slapping up against each other. Yeah. So that Lego face motherfucker can barely move his face, and she can barely move her face, and she's like, this is so hard. And she's sitting down, and he's like lightly combing her hairing her hair why don't you earn your room and do her roots how long has it been like how many times are you gonna let your friend go on tv with those roots earn your key i know i was afraid their their wigs would get tangled up and fall off so um so anyway so so everyone arrives at at supper club and and so the thing is that like brandy's dad as we spoke about last week was in the hospital because uh he had he was having
Starting point is 00:20:36 heart issues and so he had to have surgery and everything so people kept on asking brandy uh and it's perfectly normal and nice people are like how your dad? And she's like, and she'd just be like, he's like, he's the same. She was sort of, you know, indicating that he wasn't well, but it also kind of seemed to, this, it's hard to say this, but like, it seemed like she was being dramatic about it too.
Starting point is 00:20:59 Because like, if you really don't want to talk about it, you just say, oh, you know, he's fine. Thank you. He's fine. Thank you. But when she would be like the same, I don't want to talk about it. you just say, oh, he's fine, thank you. He's fine, thank you. But when she would be like, the same, the same, I don't want to talk about it. It was like this. There was something about it that was a little annoying. There's something so disturbing about a grown woman wearing a dress where her tits are literally only covered at the nipple and she's uncovered all the way to her belly button looking like a totally melted faced hooker who's been so offensive over the course of her life that her father won't even speak to her
Starting point is 00:21:32 because she's such a rancid hoe dressing up like a hoe and then trying to get pity about her dad and you gotta love that the the uh editors cut to her dad being like just totally disgusted with her. And then when she's like, I love you, dad. And he's like, well, that's enough of this conversation. Yeah. I mean, look, even Brandy, I won't begrudge feeling emotional in this situation. You know, obviously her dad's in the hospital. It's hard for anyone to go through even a monster like Brandy.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Even a monster. But still, like, it still rubbed me the wrong way she's entitled of course to say he's doing the same whatever but you know it's brand there's something about brandy when she when she speaks like that you just know that she's even though she says she's like i hate i don't want to talk about i don't like talking about me that you feel like it's the exact opposite she actually wants that attention at that moment yeah it's every bully. They get rid of everybody. They make everybody feel like shit. They try and turn everybody's life upside down.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Then when no one will talk to them anymore, they're suddenly like, oh, my toe. Or like on Real Housewives of Orange County last season when everybody finally turned on Tamara and she's like, you don't know what it's like going through all this with my kids. I was trying to take my kids, which is, I guess, a legit concern. But, you know, it's the same thing with Brandy. It's like he's trying to take your kids because you're a dick. Do you understand, like, cause and effect? She's the kind of girl who, like, the apple would fall on her head and she'd be like, the fucking apple. Like, we wouldn't even have gravity if Brandy was in charge.
Starting point is 00:23:03 It would just be like gravity. Instead of gravity, it would be like, the Earth is trying to pull me down all the fucking time. It hit me in the head with a piece of fruit. She's like, I'm trying to walk to the edge of the Earth, but like every time I try to get closer to it, it just seems like it's getting farther and farther away. Like, what the fuck
Starting point is 00:23:20 is this? I just want to float. I just want to float. I mean, we would never would have had that brilliant performance by Sandra Bullock in Gravity, darling. I mean, darling, I just want to explore in space, and now we've been exploded by meteors. Although I think that's actually, you do have a right to complain about that. But I think Brandy, not only would the apple fall on her and she would get mad at the apple, but she would be the one who was shaking the tree initially. Don't forget that. Yeah, she would be like throwing shit at the apple.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Yeah. She would like cut the apple. She would shoot it down with a BB gun and wait for it to fall on her head and then start crying about it falling on her head. Well, I just – I wish that I could write a question for one of these reunions because I don't know where Andy Cohen gets these questions. wish that i could write a question for one of these reunions because i don't know where andy cohen gets these questions he's always like lorna smithson from t-neck writes in hey brandy blah blah i'm like where do these people write these questions is there like a thing on bravo tv.com where it's like submit your reunion questions now like i never see it but anyway i really want i hope that someone asks brandy like when is she gonna stop hiding behind this wall of victimization and you
Starting point is 00:24:26 know because what she does is she pokes and prods she takes them too far she's she's inappropriate you know here and there it's fine you know that stuff i don't even mind the yelling or the being a bitch i don't even mind that i don't love it but she's worse than that like you know trying to ruin people's relationships just to get a little bit of air time and accusing kim you know even though it's probably true but saying on national tv that kim was in the bathroom doing crystal meth they're suggesting that kyle's husband is cheating because you know that story came from her and then trying to blame lisa for bringing a magazine so they could talk about it more on air you know stuff like that and then she yeah that that's the thing like the slap whatever she took it too
Starting point is 00:25:05 far you know whatever but like it's still it's like you're right it's all in the context of what came before which is that she tried to take down these magazines she does the x y and z and then she says i'm sorry i was wrong i'm an asshole like sorry that's just who i am i'm sorry i didn't really mean to hurt you i just wasn't thinking and she does that and then people get sick of it and they don't want to hear it. And then that's when she pulls out the victim card. Like, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry? Like, I get it.
Starting point is 00:25:30 You don't like me, but I'll always like you. But I get it. It just hurts sometimes. Like, you're not allowed to hide behind that. You're making, she's constantly making herself the victim. And also not hearing one single thing anybody, like Lisa comes up, and before, Lisa puts her hand on her arm,
Starting point is 00:25:44 and before she even says anything brandy's like lisa i do not have time for this conversation right now my dad and i can't believe you and when you have when you have a full season's worth let alone two or three of brandy acting the way she does when you have a moment when's worth, let alone two or three, of Brandi acting the way she does, when you have a moment when she might actually truly be emotionally vulnerable and on a personal rollercoaster, none of us, I think a lot of viewers, except for the ones who are her fans, probably don't want to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Starting point is 00:26:17 When Lisa Vanderpump walks up to her, like you said, and is like, Donnie, I just got your email, and she's like, you haven't called me! You haven't done this! And she starts freaking out on Lisa Vanderpump. You're sort of like, Donnie, I just got your email. She's like, you haven't called me. You haven't. And she starts freaking out and Lisa Vanderpump, you're sort of like, you know, shut the fuck up,
Starting point is 00:26:28 bitch. Like you are really out of line. And even though she shouldn't be out of line because she's the one whose dad really is in the hospital, she just doesn't have, she used up all her goodwill, all the friendship capital
Starting point is 00:26:38 in the way she treats people. Listen, Ken could be dead any moment. The fact that Ken is even there in a tie and a wig. I mean, what, is she going to call Lisa every day? Like, did Ken get out of bed today? I mean, come on now.
Starting point is 00:26:51 You've got to love Lisa Vanderpump for being the queen bitch that she is and having zero fucks left to give now in season five. She doesn't care what anybody thinks of her. She knows she's the queen, and she's just going to say whatever the hell she wants. And when Brandi's like, you didn't even check in on me about my father and lisa goes i met the man for 20 seconds i mean what why would i call i mean i met him for 20 seconds and the only thing i really said to him is that he did a shitty job raising his daughter so which is so true brandy's like do you not check on me? I mean, I mean,
Starting point is 00:27:25 the truth is, I mean, Lisa's response was, she was right, but she was also rude. Yeah. Because it was like, it's like,
Starting point is 00:27:31 you know, it doesn't matter how, how long you've met someone. Like you may have never met someone's father. If you know someone's father. Well, I think she was saying, I'm not going to check in with your father.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Cause I barely knew him. And I'm not going to check in with you. Cause we're not friends anymore. You fucking cow. Exactly. And how about last season? Last season, Brandy glanville got pissed at lisa for checking in so much saying that you're mothering me you're mothering me like like what do you expect um and the thing is also like just because someone doesn't check in on you every single day doesn't
Starting point is 00:27:58 mean they don't they don't care it just means they're not as close with you i mean it's just but you know what i have i think that think that that Lisa Vanderpump actually does deserve some credit because Brandy was being crazy at that moment she was just going off on Lisa and instead of Lisa Vanderpump being all Kim Richards-y and going on the offense too and being like well you did this da da da Lisa Vanderpump was like but
Starting point is 00:28:18 Brandy dude all I'm saying is that I hope your father's okay like do you understand that do you understand that she kept on like... But still got her stuff in. She's like, okay, listen, I'm sorry for your father, darling, but that slap wasn't funny, and that's it. That's the end of it.
Starting point is 00:28:34 Love it. Love it. I love it. She's like, you're not gonna end this storyline about you being a dick by crying about your father at the end. Sorry, I'm like 70 years old. I've seen most of the people I grew up with are dead now, you know? Back then, we didn't have polio vaccines coming out of our asses, you know? Do you know how many people I've watched just lose their legs, darling?
Starting point is 00:28:54 You know, you think you're worried about your father's heart bypass. Back in my day, when you needed a new heart, you were just dead, you know? Darling, if you could only imagine the amount of people I've seen dying off of Chef Penny's tuna tartare. I mean, it would just be, it's just staggering. I've seen it all. The expiring butter alone, darling, has killed half West Hollywood. You should see
Starting point is 00:29:14 her deep-fried mahi-mahi tacos. They just kill, they slay all our customers. I've seen it. It's terrible, darling. You think I've never seen death before? Darling, you don't understand that. When Chef Patty puts out her death by chocolate sundae, it truly kills our customers.
Starting point is 00:29:29 I've seen it. Listen, darling, I may not be there for your father, but I'll make sure that when he passes away and Ken has one of his near-death experiences in front of 60 Minutes, that Ken checks on him in heaven. All right, darling. But you know what, though?
Starting point is 00:29:46 How about Brandy? How about she just... If she doesn't want to hear it from Lisa, how about she just says, thank you very much, and moves on? Why is she just incapable of doing something that's like the... just having the smallest ounce of
Starting point is 00:30:02 common courtesy, and just being polite, and just moving on, and getting herself out of the situation. I think she's just one of those people who's an asshole. Yeah. There's no getting past it. There's no figuring it out. There's no changing it. She's just an asshole. She doesn't belong on this show. She's never belonged on this show.
Starting point is 00:30:18 And she's going to be gone. I mean, I don't even see any... The last line of the entire night was Brandy going, I just don't understand why I always have to be the, you know, the bad guy. Because you're a fucking cunt, Brandy. Look at the pattern, Brandy. Look at the pattern. It's not like everyone's just coming up with it.
Starting point is 00:30:37 Like, oh, let's make Brandy the bad guy. You know, it's not like that. It wasn't a huge plot twist to get you there, babe. Yeah. In fact, everyone was on your side. The audience was on your side. Oh, I said the C word. Sorry, everybody.
Starting point is 00:30:50 I know you're all listening to this with your children. I know I promised not to say that word anymore. But it's Brandy. All right. I get a pass. Yeah, it's true. I mean, she really is. I'm giving myself a pass, Donnie.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Donnie, give yourself a pass. All right. Well, Brandy's an asshole. So let's move on. We also have Kyle, who's an asshole as well. Kyle, you cannot just walk up to somebody, especially Kim, who doesn't even know what's going on half the time, and be like, Kim, I'm not the only one who said it. Lisa said that Brandy wants to.
Starting point is 00:31:18 She's bringing up this news about, which Brandy did suggest that Kim is a mess and is way worse off than anybody realized and probably does need intervention and blah blah blah but for kyle to take that and use it against kim as a weapon like oh kim somebody you love really is talking behind your back and just using you it's like it's so cold and gross you know she's just a gross person. I'm mixed on that one because I agree it is cold and gross. And they're both assholes. But at the same time, it's her way of being like, listen, this person who you think has your back doesn't have your back because this is what she's saying. So I don't think that's necessarily the coldest thing to do. I mean, she's trying to like – she's trying to clear the –
Starting point is 00:32:02 No, she's trying to make herself look better by making somebody else look bad. Instead of just saying, Kim, I've never done anything but help you in my whole life. If you feel the need to be angry with me, go ahead. But when you need me, I'll be here because I'm your sister and I love you. So go on and do whatever you need to do and I'll be here to try and pick up the fucking pieces.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Or even if she's going to stand up for herself. A lot of this stuff with Kim isn't Kyle standing up for herself. It's Kim acting like an asshole and then Kyle trying to make it all about her. You know, we've talked about addiction so much. And I promise you I'm not about to go on a rant about it again. But somewhere I've just kind of had to get with it is like, you do you. You act crazy, fine. I'm going to love you the same when you're drunk as I do when you're sober.
Starting point is 00:32:49 If you annoy me, I'm just going to ask you to get out of my house and not call you for a week. Okay? See you next time. I mean, what the hell are you going to do? But to, like, antagonize somebody who's already obviously nuts. I mean, Kim is beyond just drunk. She's much that brain. Her brain is like guacamole.
Starting point is 00:33:03 It's like a blonde dish of guacamole. There's nothing. That sauce is not even connecting with the avocado. There's nothing going on in there that's making any kind of sense. Well, I think that's like a very, I agree. I think so. And I also agree that like Kyle should get to the place where she says, okay, you do you, whatever. Let Kim make her own mistakes. But I can't totally fault Kyle for having that instinct to say like don't trust
Starting point is 00:33:28 this woman like stop it like she just wants to shake kim and i get that um i mean yeah she should but you know what brandy what brandy did do to do i'm the worst at interrupting i know and i'm sorry but i just want to get this in what what uh brandy did with Lisa Rinna, she didn't throw Kim under the bus. I mean, we know Kim's reactions to things and that Kim would take it as being thrown under the bus because, God forbid, someone ever suggests that you need help with anything ever. But Brandy wasn't being a bitch. She was saying, obviously, you're right. You guys are seeing what's happening with Kim. I talk to her every day, and trust me, it's worse when there aren't even cameras around,
Starting point is 00:34:05 and I can't help her because I'm drunk all the time. So if you want to help her, I'll help you help her. That wasn't something mean, but Kyle takes it, and she uses it against Kim in a mean way to hurt her on purpose, and that's not cool. Yeah, because you know what? I don't even think that Lisa Rinna was throwing Kim under the bus. At any moment, when Lisa Rinna was throwing Kim under the bus at any moment.
Starting point is 00:34:25 I don't – when Lisa Rinna was talking about Kim, like is she – does she need treatment? Does she need help? Whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't think any of that was throwing Kim under the bus. Kim – if anyone threw Kim under the bus, it was herself. But you know what? You make a good point because when Kyle got that gossip, she did make it seem much more of a pointed conversation. It did seem like very accusatory like
Starting point is 00:34:46 brandy's being like kim should go into and should have an intervention with kim blah blah blah it was just a discussion and so when it was when they confronted lisa rena in a way lisa rena was right when she said well it was like a larger discussion it's like not as easy as that. At the same time, I also kind of like, oh, I felt the frustration that like Kyle and Eileen felt, which was like, what? Lisa, you've been saying this all along. And now it's like finally your moment to clarify it. And you don't say it like you can't clarify it when you've got a drunk sitting across from you pointing her bent finger in your face, you know, screaming. Well, that's not how to solve it and lisa knew it she's like look this was before we had the discussion i told you i would back out of your life probably didn't want to academy is a new scripted podcast that follows
Starting point is 00:35:40 ava richards played by hbo's industries Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the
Starting point is 00:36:26 Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.
Starting point is 00:37:04 And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere
Starting point is 00:37:26 on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Right? Did I lose you again, darling? I wasn't even going to talk over you that time. Come on, come back, Ben.
Starting point is 00:37:44 No, I was going to say, you know, the reason why she probably said wishy-washy is because kyle was basically like why did you say why did you say and so she didn't know lisa really probably didn't know what the right thing was to say you know she was probably afraid that you know if she said that brandy said that you need an intervention that that might either that might go against what someone else said or might support it. So she probably just wasn't accurate. Like to go on national TV and say, oh, your best friend's
Starting point is 00:38:12 telling everyone you need intervention. That's not kind and it's not accurate. One thing about Lisa Rinna, I think she's going to be a bitch from hell at one point on this show because we've seen her throw a glass already. I cannot wait to see her get pushed over the edge. But I will say in this situation, I think she handled it absolutely
Starting point is 00:38:31 beautifully. And I think Eileen, first of all, Eileen, shut up. Okay. I like Eileen. We all know I like Eileen, but just shut up. You don't have a storyline. And this is certainly not your storyline. And keep telling Lisa Rinna that she's not having anybody's back. You know, yelling at somebody that you're mad at doesn't mean they have your back. OK, it means they're just as much of an asshole as you are. She's what she did was perfect. She waited until Kim was talking to Brandi alone and she went up and she said it was a kind conversation. It was not a mean conversation.
Starting point is 00:39:00 That was a really nice thing she did because she could have used that to make a big finale fight like Kyle was trying to do. Right. And eileen was trying to do and make it this huge deal and then kyle and eileen even walk up and they're watching it from far away they shouldn't have walked up yeah that was bad but that being said that being said looky lose i mean in certain ways you're right because you know and and brandy wasn't we both agree that brandy wasn't like stirring shit up or throwing Kim under the bus. They were just talking about it in a way they both were acknowledging that maybe Kim has some issues, et cetera. But at the same time, given that anyone who seems to like even talk about Kim's sobriety seems to get her wrath, she gets mad at anyone and she seems to think that Brandy is the only one who believes that she's sober.
Starting point is 00:39:44 She gets mad at anyone and she seems to think that Brandy's the only one who believes that she's sober. You know, you can't discount the fact that Brandy, even if she wasn't throwing Kim under the bus, she was acknowledging that Kim may still have issues. And that's the thing. I think that that's sort of perhaps what is driving these women to say all this stuff because Kim is acting as if Brandy says nothing and in fact when Kim finally did speak to Brandy about it Brandy sort of copped up to saying it but sort of didn't and actually to be fair I thought Brandy's response
Starting point is 00:40:16 to Kim was appropriate I think Brandy was basically like look I yeah I was worried about you but the way I'd be worried about anyone and you know you and your situation and like am I capable of like helping kim because i'm drunk half the time it was actually like a a moment where brandy i thought was like she was sort of on the money there with her response but kim since kim is like loves brandy she just is like she totally accepts that you know she she she goes in and it gives her the benefit of the doubt where she doesn't
Starting point is 00:40:43 well she's also saying like, I worry about you too, because I mean, look at you, you know? And I'm worried about you and you're worried about me. I mean. Well, that's because Brandy, see, here's the thing that Brandy's good at. She's good at spinning her shit
Starting point is 00:40:57 so that it sounds fine. So, because Brandy's like, well, I worry about you, but she's like, but you know, that's what friends do. You know, we worry about each other. That's what friends do. And Kim's like, yeah, but you know that's what friends do you know we worry about each other that's what friends do and kim's like yeah yeah that's what we do we friends worry about each other and it's like well then if friends worry about each other why were you so mad at lisa rena when she said well i was concerned about you you know i'm saying
Starting point is 00:41:18 it's like but when she hears it from brandy it all sounds like tulips and well because she's got the evil side of brandy too on her other shoulder, well, Lisa Rinna's just trying to use her alcoholism as a storyline. Exactly. And so is Eileen, and so is Kyle. And these people just want to see you fail. And Kyle wants to see you fail. And everything she's done since season one is to betray you and to make you look bad in everybody's eyes. So she's finally the famous sister, and you're just a piece of trash.
Starting point is 00:41:43 Exactly. And then on and on and on. And Kim is an idiot and believes whatever she sees i mean jesus christ i'm surprised she doesn't think she's on fucking the big bang theory or something yeah because because if because if lisa rena goes up to kim and says well i was worried for you and you know that's what friends do they worry kim would say like well don't worry about me it's none of your business where brandy says well i was worried about you because that's what friends do she goes oh i was worried about you too well that conversation was amazing because kim i think actually sat down thinking she was gonna have to tell off brandy in this finale because she was telling her makeup person who was like doing
Starting point is 00:42:18 walking dead zombie makeup on her for some reason she's like hey yeah i mean what am i supposed to do because these girls want to sing all this stuff, and I don't know what to believe. And then when she sat down with Brandy, she's like, First of all, your nipple's hanging out. Okay? Second of all, how's your dad?
Starting point is 00:42:38 Okay, third of all. I was like, Okay, Kim. Like, whenever Kim starts listing things, she's like, Look at me. I can remember a list. You better watch out, bitch. Yeah. We're all terrified, Kim. Like, whenever Kim starts listing things, she's like, look at me. I can remember a list. You better watch out, bitch. Yeah. We're all terrified, Kim. And then Brandy, I don't remember at what point Brandy did this, but I wrote it down as a note because it was so ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:42:55 When Brandy is like, she's talking about Kim, and she's like, I love her. I love her. I'm like, shut the fuck up, Brandy. You know, Kim is really nasty kim is when at one point when they're talking and remember that one point where where kim is like no i'm not going to you if you all talk to me come over here she's so nasty um yeah she really is a nasty woman for sure and she gets really nasty to a corner and i'm you know all this stuff going against kyle i don't want you to get the impression that i'm sticking up for kim because i'm going against kyle they're really both gross fucking people like i don't see you know the way they
Starting point is 00:43:36 treat everybody like kyle just basically throwing lisa rena under the bus like that was not cool kim throwing everybody under the bus is not cool. But she warned Lisa Rinna that she was going to do it, though. Well, if she had gone up, but she didn't do what she said she was going to do. If she'd gone up to Kim and said, you know, Brandy even might think that you need help, and if she does, we should all talk
Starting point is 00:43:58 about something like that. But she's like, well, Brandy's saying na-na-na, and Lisa told me, so go ahead, Lisa, tell her. And Lisa's like, whoa, kid, a little bigger than that. She's like, oh, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, Lisa. Thanks for making me look stupid in front of my sister.
Starting point is 00:44:11 It's like, who cares? You always look stupid in front of your sister. Your sister hates your guts. You stole her house, okay? Well, Kyle is sort of like a professional rumor botcher. Like, she just, she's like, she just always mess messes up, which doesn't make it any better. But yeah, if you don't stand up for me like cat you're not a sister like way kathy is whatever i don't remember if i made this point uh but one of it's not even really my point but someone on our facebook page i'm sorry whoever you are someone on our facebook
Starting point is 00:44:57 page said like kim has no place to talk about that because if you go back to season one kyle and camille had a huge fight obviously that shaped the whole season and kyle was mad at kim because kim knew about this thing that was said this about remember camille accused kyle of saying like well she's insecure or whatever without fraser yeah something like that and and kim knew what had been said and kyle at that first party in new york or that dinner was like back me up kim and kim was like uh and kim did nothing well to be fair how much could kim also remember i mean she was sitting on pillows in that airport true but what i'm just saying is that kim is not like miss backer upper no they're both horrible they're fighting with each other is horrible
Starting point is 00:45:46 they're both fighting over stupid things Kyle's mad because Kim's a drunk I think that that's a legit thing to be mad about when you have to deal with that in your family it sucks and Kim has put that whole family through a bunch of shit with her stuff on the other hand Kim's had a really
Starting point is 00:46:02 miserable adulthood and frankly if she wants to get fucked up, I don't necessarily blame her. And all she wants is a little support. But instead of these two bitches coming together and being like, here's our issues, but let's love each other anyway. You know, they're just trying to make each other the villains of each other's story the whole time. All Kyle talks about is how mean Kim is. And all Kim talks about is how mean Kyle is. And frankly, you're both painful to watch.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Okay. Yeah. I mean even Kyle even Kyle yeah I mean Kyle is so overbearing you remember in the opening scene at the Nikki Hilton thing Kim walks in wearing some furry vest and Kyle's like why didn't you get this at my store? You knew I had this line. You knew I had this line.
Starting point is 00:46:40 And Kim's like ah well ah. I was like give her a break. I didn't buy it. I just took it to the dressing room and cut off the had this on. And Kim's like, ah, well, ah. Like, I was like, give her a break so she didn't get it on your score. Kim's like, I didn't buy it. I just took it to the dressing room and cut off the dollar tag, bitch. I just had Kingsley kill an animal and I just... And by the way,
Starting point is 00:46:55 very interesting, I thought, that when it came to the end of the episode and they showed, like, what everyone's been up to, that the tidbit, I think, that they had about Kyle or about Kim was about how kingsley bit alexa alexia whatever uh kyle's daughter and she needed surgery i was like what
Starting point is 00:47:12 a strange thing for them to put in there so clearly that's going to come up in the reunion they have to be setting the stage for that yeah yeah um well they're going to set the stage for it because they haven't spoken since then. And that happened way before the reunion. That happened in October, I think. Yeah. So, yeah, they'll be talking about that. It's just going to be like, you're responsible. You adopted this dog you can't take care of.
Starting point is 00:47:34 You didn't blah, blah, blah. Train it. I read in the. And Kingsley's bit a few people now, I feel like. Yeah. Oh, my God. Remember when they tried to train him and he bit that dog queen, that dog whispering queen? Oh, my God. He was like. And like started kicking him. I was like, wow, my God. Remember when they tried to train him and he bit that dog queen, that dog whispering queen? Oh, my God. He was like, and like started kicking him.
Starting point is 00:47:47 I was like, wow, great training. Bravo sure knows how to pay for the boost. OK, so now for the past five hours that we've been talking about this, yes, fucking Kim and Kyle who are already exhausting me. OK, and I've been kind of sticking up for Lisa Rinna. I don't know what happened with Lisa Rinna and Kim. It must be something at the reunion, because Lisa Rinna, out of fucks. She's gone. There's no fucks left in her purse.
Starting point is 00:48:16 And she is full court press going after Kim Richards now, majorly. The fucks were on the swing set. Yeah. And the swing set is gone. Yeah, she's like, these fucks are gone with my childhoods, with my children's childhoods. She knocked him over, like she knocked over that swing set. She has been going after Kim like crazy. And not only going after her, but basically calling her drunk.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Not only going after her, but basically calling her a drunk. She went on Twitter, what was this, last week, I guess, and wrote, why doesn't Bravo ever address missing blog issue? Isn't it part of the Housewives contracts? That's a quote that somebody was writing her, a question that somebody wrote her. And she answered, hashtag exactly. And then she replied, my guess is people who don't write blogs have something to hide. This excludes Yolanda Foster, who's battling Lyme, a thought.
Starting point is 00:49:11 And then she wrote, and then she deleted this, but she wrote this right after, or are they too inebriated to write a blog? You tell me. That's exactly when you write a blog. It'll make about as much sense as Brandy's, that's for sure. It's like, let me tell you something, President Lincoln.
Starting point is 00:49:32 And then someone said, hey, why don't you woman up? Oh, if you're so angered by this, why don't you woman up and name names? We can't guess. First of all, stupid people, don't go on Twitter. You're just confusing the conversation, okay? Stupid people, stop writing things on Twitter. I mean, what a stupid question. If you're so angered by this woman up and name names go see who hasn't written a fucking bravo blog ovalight you moron anyway and then she just answered plainly kim richards doesn't write her blogs but you know to be i'm saying that she's going full court press because to say
Starting point is 00:50:01 you're too inebriated to do something when kim is basically saying that saying that's ruining her life and ruining her reputation it's like you know you're the same woman who was crawling around two seasons ago looking for your dime bag on the floor of the bathroom in hawaii right can we stop worrying about your reputation it's dead well i think we should probably move on to another show. Yeah. Kyle and Kim, thanks a lot for sapping another hour out of my life. I know. By the way, let's give a shout-out to Nick Marshall, who sent us a message about something.
Starting point is 00:50:35 And he was like, can you give us a shout-out? Oh, yeah, Nick. Nick and Daz. It's his birthday, right? Nick and Daz. Also, it's Adriana Gretax's birthday. You know, we love you, girl. Oh, yeah. We love you in English, Russian,
Starting point is 00:50:48 whatever language you need us to love you in. Danka shun. Yes. Oh, and Nick Marshall was... He's in the UK and he says that he's obsessed with us. He says, shine, shine, shine. Shine, shine, darling. No, we're obsessed with you, Nick Marshall.
Starting point is 00:51:03 We're obsessed with you and your countrymen. So there. with you, Nick Marshall. We're obsessed with you and your countrymen. So there. So there, Nick Marshall. Take that. And also, I would like to thank... Hold on, let me get to her name. You see how we do this? Because you guys can't fast forward through this
Starting point is 00:51:17 because it's not the length of a commercial, suckers. I would like to thank my little friend, Hannah, who's a friend of the show, who actually gave me some Adderall. I mean, I couldn't believe it, you know, when I friend of the show, who actually gave me some Adderall. I mean, I couldn't believe it, you know, when I joked around on this show about giving me some Adderall. And you guys, thank you, Hannah. You came through. I'm going to have an amazing weekend of concentration.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Thank you. You guys are going to see me posting all kinds of songs and shit on the internet. I'm going to be so concentrated. So thank you. It's almost going to be like a classic concentration for you all right then ben what show would you like to talk about next we've only got 19 more shows to talk about oh well why don't we go to i mean atlanta was good but let's go to melbourne atlanta was quite good all right let's go to melbourne ben i've taken some notes here
Starting point is 00:52:02 i'm taking some notes't read my own writing man everybody in Melbourne everybody in Melbourne is talking about Gatman she always lilts up at the end I know this she always like she talks like this
Starting point is 00:52:23 and then she goes up like that I'm not sure if i love her saying that and waving her arm around like that literally waving her arm around like that or if i love janet imitating it i can't tell which i love better because they're both hilarious well the best part for people who who weren't there which means everyone uh when ronnie and i were playing settlers of Catan last week, I don't know if you realized you were doing this, Ronnie,
Starting point is 00:52:48 but at various intervals during the game, you just were going, Everybody! Everybody! Well, I told them, everybody wants wheat! I told them at the beginning, I said, okay, we do this thing, we make fun of
Starting point is 00:53:06 Melbourne, and there's this lady, and she's it's been on the preview for months, I showed them, and they kind of gave me a weird look. But at least I set it up. I didn't just randomly do it. And then I kept doing it throughout the game, but I'm sorry, you know, y'all can't take it. If you can't
Starting point is 00:53:22 take the wheat, get out of the Catansin. Yeah, that's right, I said it. I think I take the wheat get out of the catanxin yeah that's right i said it i think i was the only one who actually um noticed it because i think everyone was like keeping an eye on like rocks and they're trying to they're just like don't listen just trying off the list to him like turning the volume down on me oh god which is only going to make me louder by the way that's also what you get when I start playing things sober. Sometimes people think that I'm drinking to make life more fun. I'm drinking to calm myself down for your sake, basically.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Yeah. It's not for me. That's for the rest of you all, okay? I'm trying to remember. How did you fare in that? I think you did pretty well in that Catan. In Settlers of Catan? remember uh i remember how did you how did you fare in that i think you did pretty well in that katana i did not do well because i i bought property on like a desert and a fucking bridge or something like the edge of town or something i never got crap oh and i bought it on like 10
Starting point is 00:54:18 which is like one of the lowest uh the lowest rolled numbers and 11 which is like the second well because there was that one time we played and your 11s kept coming up like crazy you built cities like right out the gate well you just still did better than brendan who i think only had three points i had some crazy situation where i was getting just like bricks like tons of bricks and i mean i had like a runaway game because i remember i think i think i actually won that one but like i won and brendan still only had three points that's not usually where the game goes yeah i think i had five i think i had five and i was about to get seven but someone stole the longest road okay none of you played this damn game all right play this game because once
Starting point is 00:54:54 you learn it may seem like a stupid game because you're just like buying stuff in town but once you know and you have a bunch of people who know how to play it you could just make it a housewives theme you know yeah i would love that game to be reskinned as with housewives yes like there's a lisa vanderpump hex and there's like a ramona singer hex like i get i get like um you know it's like i get three skinny girl margaritas that go into making like a pump restaurant or something like that yes Yes, save enough hay twigs and glue guns up and you can win a Bethany Frankel block.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Yeah, it's like you start with a sir and then you upgrade to a pump. The answer is like a settlement. And the roads are just like I don't know, saucy. I don't know. So for those of you who don't watch Real Housewives of Melbourne,
Starting point is 00:55:46 because I know some of you, it's a little hard to catch on to the accents and all that stuff. There's this new girl named Gamble. None of her face moves. She's married to some old guy, and the rumor is that she's a prostitute and a call girl and has all these sex parties. The rumor according to Janet.
Starting point is 00:56:00 According to Janet, yes. And Chica. Chica a little bit. Chica has been spreading this gossip. Chica is the good one And Chica. And Chica a little bit. Chica has been spreading this gossip. Chica is the good one. Chica's like the nice one. I think we did a thing a few weeks ago where we imagined her taglines
Starting point is 00:56:13 and they're all like very, very nice taglines. Yeah, yeah. And Chica. It was like, throw me to the wolves and I'll come back with a bunch of wolf friends because they're all just lovely animals. What was I going to say? throw me to the wolves and i'll come back with a bunch of wolf friends because they're all just lovely animals um what was i gonna say oh yeah so chica's like gossiping and stuff and janet is now trying to get forgiven for this and gamble will not forgive janet for saying this because like kim richards it's not the fact that the everyone's talking about you being a drunk it's you shouldn't be mad that people are talking about you being a drunk. You shouldn't be mad that people are talking about you being a drunk.
Starting point is 00:56:48 You should just not be a drunk. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. I don't think if you weren't a hooker, it would be that serious to you. I think you would probably calm down. I don't think it would be a shock that some hot blonde woman whose face doesn't move and who has big old fake titties who's marrying some 90-year-old man would a whore by anybody in town okay it's not really a shocker gamble let's just calm down yeah exactly but so the in the beginning episode what was funny to me is that chica chica sat with lydia and who's just dumb as a fucking box of hair that girl and so chica starts like talking about the whole gamble
Starting point is 00:57:21 situation she's like well i have a bit of gossip I have a bit of gossip that I have to tell you about. I don't know if you heard about it, but we had a bit of a nosh with Gamble. And she went crazy. And she goes and she starts to tell this gossip to Lydia. And Lydia's like, well, I haven't heard this gossip yet. And then Chica's like, oh, that's good. That means that the gossip has died. And now it's died.
Starting point is 00:57:40 And the fact that you haven't heard it means that it's died, which is good. And now we don't have to ever talk about it again. I'm like, bitch, you just spread the gossip you actually give it life and yeah you're gonna hear about it again because you just talked about it on national tv on international tv she does learn she's kind of a little bitch this year i love it sort of it's like i was like well you know i helped her bring it up at lunch but to be fair i didn't know what janet was gonna say i thought the rumor was that you know she was a pretty girl whose face didn't move that much, you know. I thought the rumor was that she was the most popular girl in high school.
Starting point is 00:58:10 I didn't know it was going to be something about being a pole stripper. Yeah, I thought that, like, when they said pole dancer, I thought that meant that she likes to put on dances at the North Pole for Santa's workshop. Yeah, I thought she was a Polish dancer, darling. I mean, I didn't know she was going to be doing all this hoochie-coochie mama stuff. Yeah, I thought it was totally innocent. And you know what? I think it's great. I think it's great if she's a pole dancer, darling. I mean, I didn't know she was going to be doing all this hoochie-coochie mama stuff. Yeah, I thought it was totally innocent. And you know what? I think it's great. I think it's great if she's a pole dancer. Because you know what? I love poles. And I think they're a wonderful sort of architectural feature.
Starting point is 00:58:33 And I think that if she's going to be dancing on anything, she might as well dance on a pole. That's right. I mean, if there weren't poles, who would know where the barbershop was? Nobody. Poles were important. How would you stand up on the trolley? You wouldn't be able to, because there's no poles to hang on to how's the how are the firemen supposed to get down to their trucks that's their case oh well you're supposed to just jump through a hole we'd have piles of dead dead firemen with broken necks you've got to have poles you know i mean it's a
Starting point is 00:59:01 very very honorable thing for gamble to be doing that So I don't see what the problem is. I'm very proud of Gamble. I don't think there's a problem at all. Right, Lydia? Sexual parties? What party's not sexual? I met my gay husband at a sexual party. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:59:13 Yeah, it was in the air that night. It was summer. It was hot as heck. I mean, what sort of magnet would we have if we didn't have paws? If there were no opposite, everyone would be be the same and we'd all be hauls listen all i meant is that she likes to get on a magnet and dance it's a pole dancer she likes to show magnetism i love lydia just being like oh what tell me everything she's so stupid it's like my son's getting married i can't believe i have a son that's getting married because he's 24 like it's
Starting point is 00:59:55 because you're married to a fucking old person what are you so surprised about you know she's like you know what's crazy is that i have a 24-year-old son, but I have no recollection of giving birth to him, or even of his childhood. Isn't that strange? They call him a stepson. They call him a stepson, but the strange thing is that we don't have any steps in our house. It's all one story.
Starting point is 01:00:21 It's all one story, so why do they call him a stepson? I love that Lydia's always so in awe. And everything ends as a question. And she's always so surprised by everything. I go, shut up, Lydia. All right. She's like, I'm really excited about this wedding. Ever since I saw that opera, The Marriage of Figaro,
Starting point is 01:00:40 I've been waiting for this moment for my dog. What? My son is getting married? Oh, no, I'm very confused. The Marriage of Figaro i've been waiting for this moment for my dog what is my son who's getting married oh no i'm very confused the marriage of figaro how are they gonna do that if no one in it can sing can you make an original cast album with just a dog sitting there in a sweater i do have some concerns because i'm not sure if i approve of my son marrying my dog but i suppose since everyone says they like the marriage of Figaro, that I guess it'll happen.
Starting point is 01:01:09 Oh, alright, so that's just the first scene. And then we get Sean Sean Sean doing her not being able to pronounce her product. That's just sad. We had like a 15 minute interlude of her going, la mascara, and then Ben going, la mascara.
Starting point is 01:01:24 And she's like mascara mascara mascara mascara mascara 15 minutes i was like oh my god am i watching this right now yeah she's like yeah you know i can take direct i don't mind taking a little direction but i don't like being told what to do it's like you're kind of too stupid to focus on right now although i will say that she's probably the most improved as far as surgery like i like her surgery very well done yeah that's all i have to say about her but la mascara sounds great and then um speaking of entrepreneurial endeavors then we had patty fleur who is still working on her book switch the with her eyebrow thread her eyebrows specialist this woman i forget what her name was like chant Chantal or something, just staring at her blankly like, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:02:10 And then it comes out that they are writing their chapters independently. And have no outline or anything. No outline. I can even understand alternating chapters if it's like, okay, now this is Petit Fleur's take and this is Chantal's take. alternating chapters if it's like okay now this this is petty fleurs take this is chantal's take but it's like they just decided to start writing without any sort of like like any sort of meetings and this woman's talking about like romance and reigniting the fire and petty fleurs like but i'm talking about switching the bitch and so she's like so i think it'd be better if we have two separate books it's like you think she like, how many chapters do you have?
Starting point is 01:02:45 She's like, probably ten. Ten chapters? Yeah. That's not a lot of chapters. I have like 20 chapters. You do not have 20 chapters, girl, please. Chapters aren't those lines on your neck. They're not neck rolls.
Starting point is 01:03:00 They're things that are written down. Darling, there's a difference between a chapter and a paragraph. She's like, I've read it 20 times. That's like 20 chapters. I love when she's like, how many words do you have? She's like, I don't know. I'd have to count them. Did you ever watch Absolutely Fabulous?
Starting point is 01:03:16 You're not that kind of faggot, are you? No. I am. And two of the characters on it, like two of the smaller characters, Patsy, who's one of the main characters works at like vogue or something like a fashion magazine and there are these two idiot women and all they do is go oh really oh with these like fake french accents and that's totally this woman this eyebrow threader she just looks totally confused the whole time and she doesn't even realize that she's being fired from this book and uh switch the bitch is just like i say switch the
Starting point is 01:03:51 bitch you know so i say for 20 chapters to switch the bitch and she's like all right then she says how's the eyebrows looking oh they look lovely thank you goodbye out. She's like, I think I'm gonna go now. I'm just switching to bitch. I'm switching to bitch. Okay, and then we start getting into the good stuff. Gamble! They all go to the fashion parade in Melbourne.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Gamble. By the way, Paula Jones wrote last week that my Gamble imitation has shades of Toya. It does. I love it. See, what I should have done was not have a sex party. Eugene. Hey, Eugene.
Starting point is 01:04:33 Don't have a sex party in Melbourne. My house isn't a rental. It's a lease. That's different. Because a rental, you pay a money every month. At a lease, you pay a money every month. At least you pay the money every... Well... So in my mind, this is Toya, because Toya's like,
Starting point is 01:04:50 see, what I should have done was tell Eugene. But then to me, Gamble's like, oh, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie, darling. She's kind of like Zsa Zsa Gabor. Oh, dancer. Yeah, she's kind of like a Zsa Zsa Gabor type Without a moving face Although Zsa Zsa's face doesn't move for years
Starting point is 01:05:10 Yeah Is Zsa Zsa still alive? I don't think she's still with us I think she had like a stroke She was like holding on there and they cut off her legs And all this stuff Yeah she's like a head She's like boxing Helena
Starting point is 01:05:23 But Zsa Zsa You just open the Yeah, she's like a head. She's like boxing Helena. But Zsa Zsa. Boxing Zsa Zsa. You just open the box and she's like, Darling! I can't believe we live in the country! Even though that was her sister.
Starting point is 01:05:34 She's still alive. She's just taking her sister's life. She is still alive. Zsa Zsa is? She's 98. She's 98. I almost said 98 degrees. She's in 98 degrees,
Starting point is 01:05:43 by the way. You know her maid has her in like a Payless shoebox. She's got that crazy husband, the Prince, what's his face? Yeah, Prince of Monaco. Marginally, marginally less impressive than the other prince. Camille's a prince. Fish going to double date. Zsa Zsa in a wheelchair with her prince.
Starting point is 01:06:03 Camille with her Mr. Incredible. Zsa Zsa in a wheelchair with her prince, Camille with her Mr. Incredible. Zsa Zsa in a box. That's really cold. Sorry, Zsa Zsa, if you're listening to this at home. Wrapped in your boa and your bod and your payload. By the way, it all comes together because Zsa Zsa used to be married to Conrad Hilton.
Starting point is 01:06:20 No, she did not. She did. From 1942 to 1947. I mean, this woman's been around. We've come full circle all around the Melbourne. So this is where this scene. Everyone in the Richards family is dating a prince. So this is where we come to this scene.
Starting point is 01:06:41 They all go to this fashion event. Excuse me. Excuse me. It's not a fashion event. It's not a fashion event it's a fashion parade it's a fashion parade it's a fashion parade of melbourne going to a fashion parade what's where's al roca it's a fashion parade uh gamble walks straight up to janet she's like listen i don't approve of how you talk about my family You're trying to ruin my family. I don't like it. Janet's like, now listen, darling, I was just trying to help you because I heard all this stuff about you and wanted to make
Starting point is 01:07:11 sure you were okay. If you were a pole dancer, I wanted to give you some hand sanitizer, darling. And she's like, what? Call me a pole dancer. Woofie. Woofie. Woofie. And Janet, in her defense, was just like,
Starting point is 01:07:28 Darling, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you. Whatever. Sorry, sorry, sorry. And she's like, Sorry to mean. I ruined my family, darling. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:39 And Janet's just like, Don't shoot the messenger. Don't shoot the messenger. And Gamma's like, Oh, there you go again. Starting a rumor that I'm shooting people now. Now you're making it sound like I went and shot AOL Instant Messenger. Well, I can't do that, can I?
Starting point is 01:07:55 Because it's software. If anyone's going to be shot on their face, it's me. And you're telling all of Melbourne that all of Melbourne is saying that Gamble's a dancer on a pole ballet. I had a sex party. It wasn't a sex party. I just had some girlfriends over
Starting point is 01:08:15 and they came over and they just were like in the pool. It was not a sex party. First of all, that is a very fishy defense. All around the swimming pool. But I think that's a fishy defense because if you – if someone says, I heard you had sex parties, why is she suddenly able to like – why is this this random party where her girlfriends came over and that is like the – oh, no. I didn't have a sex party. I just had some friends over. I feel like for me, if someone accused me of having sex parties, which I do, but if someone did accuse
Starting point is 01:08:45 me of having that and I didn't have one, I'd be like, no, it's hilarious. There'd be nothing even to point to to be like, oh no, what happened was I had some friends over and we're playing Settlers of Catan. There wouldn't even be a reference to... And Ronnie started sucking on the wood
Starting point is 01:09:01 pieces. It's sort of like the fact that she can quickly reference some random party from the past seven years of her life sort of indicates that she's had to defend this party before in the past. If that makes sense. Like Chica, Chica kind of explained it. And she said, you know, in the press, all this stuff and her divorce came out in the press. And that's what she's having to deal with now because all the press has talked about all this stuff. And that's all we were asking. So I think that they're mentioning stuff that's already been in the gossip pages and stuff like that.
Starting point is 01:09:37 And Gamble's acting like, oh, no one's ever called her a whore or suggested she had sex parties, even when she's probably got like 500 comments on those facebook posts calling her an old whore yeah exactly listen don't go on a reality show and don't expect these things to come out even if it's not even true i'm not even sure i believe it but the fact that she has some random specific event that she it's like you know it's like when some like she has too easy an alibi for this if If she just said, like, no, that's, I haven't had that. You know, when they first said that, when Jada first said there was a rumor that she was a pole dancer, then, you know, Gamble laughed it off. Like, that was hilarious.
Starting point is 01:10:13 Then when she said, well, I've heard you've also had sex parties, then she was like, what? Jada, that's awful. Yeah, when it turned into, when it turned into her being a whore, it was different. Yeah, it's just like the fact that she had an alibi ready to go almost seemed too convenient. Yeah, I can't really tell because these new ladies have obviously seen the show and seen all the Housewives shows and know how they're supposed to act. And I get that they're being bitches to get on screen more because they're both too ridiculous to be serious. Like neither one of them could possibly be serious but um part of you know i'm wondering if she's just making a big deal out of it to be on tv more or if she's making a big deal out of it because it's really true and she's trying to
Starting point is 01:10:54 hide it and honestly thinking about this show that much kind of makes my head hurt because it's so fucking stupid but god i love it it is so hilarious every scene in this show makes me laugh so hard yeah and gamble is trying to learn how to play poker i mean oh yeah oh my god don't like what and she's like no normally i'd like to play uno i'd play uno with mr figuero it's like i play poker with the kids sometimes but she obviously does not know how to play poker yeah she probably thinks you know as a game where you just play one card she's like, I play poker with the kids sometimes. But she obviously does not know how to play poker. Yeah, she probably thinks Uno is a game where you just play one card. She's like, okay, let's get the deck ready for Uno. And she pulls out one card.
Starting point is 01:11:32 She's like, okay, I'm going to give you the card. Then you give it back to me. And that's Uno. She's like, go fish Uno times. That means twice. She's like, I'm going to go play go fish. Someone's like, okay, go fish. She's like, all right, I'll be right back.
Starting point is 01:11:45 She goes out to the ocean with a fishing pole. My favorite part I wrote is, Wolfie, these women are so mean to me, Wolfie. They're calling me a whore. I'm a bull dandle, Wolfie. I want to kill them. He's like, darling, you need to kill these women. They don't know.
Starting point is 01:12:03 Forgive them for they know not what they do, darling. He's very Jim Broadbent-y to me, right? He seems like he's like a silver-haired Jim Broadbent. Yes. Yeah, that's a good call. He's like, darling, I love you just the way you are. You don't have to worry about this. You might be giving them a little more credibility to their rooms by acting like that.
Starting point is 01:12:23 She's like, oh, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie, when did you get so sentimental? Wolfie! But we didn't even talk about Gino walking in there and being like, ultimate shitster walking in and saying to Gamble like, oh, I thought the reason why you were mad at John was because she's flirting with Wolfie.
Starting point is 01:12:42 And she's like, what? Oh, so I don't even mind about that. Of course that wouldn't surprise me. You're sitting on me all. And Janet's like, Wolfie? No. You gotta love Gina. You know, people could get sued for that.
Starting point is 01:12:58 Yeah. Yeah, ruining slander. It's called slander. I'm a barrister. You know, you could sue people. I tell you the people facts not friction and then i love how gamble's like i think i might need to have a solicitor you know to deal with all these rumors she's gonna sue janet i fucking love it i mean janet here's the thing janet wasn't even saying you were a pole dancer i mean janet was being sneaky and she was being well i heard this about you you. But it wasn't the same as her being like, you were a pull-down.
Starting point is 01:13:27 At least it was better than freaking Gamble being like, well, guess what? I was talking to your old heroin dealer and he said that you used to sell money for heroin. Aside from the fact that it's fake and you even admitted that it was fake. Why would you be talking to a heroin dealer? Like she just ran into him at that opening of that that store what was it 10th and 12th what's that store elms what's that store that they went to last year and they're like this american store open it's like the container store oh yeah west elm wow look at this you can get a box to put your socks in oh america look at this raw stress for less don't to put your socks in. Ooh, America.
Starting point is 01:14:06 Look at this Ross dress for less. Don't talk to Gina or she's over in the housewares. Do you know how much copper crucifixes go for in Melbourne? Oh, God bless America. Look at this rooster. Ah, I guess this is all the rage in America. A chef holding cookies in his jar. God bless you, America.
Starting point is 01:14:26 Look at this Eiffel Tower poster. Someone should this to Bruce give it to Bruce it's Marilyn Monroe's face in a clock hey look at this martini glass that says funky Diva on it I think it's very sexy glass it has a little pink feather attached to it. Very American. So, Gina, everybody, is a badass. I love that Gina is just like, All right, let me ask you some questions because I like to deal in fact. Were you in fact a whore? No! Were you a prostitute?
Starting point is 01:15:00 Have you ever sucked penises for dollars? No, I don't even like penises. I don't like any of this. Have you ever wrapped your vagina around a pole and slid it down for money? I don't even know what a vagina is. Do I have one? Do you have one? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:15:15 I've never heard of such a thing. It's ridiculous. How many loads have you swallowed today? Oh, loads from like a dump truck. I don't understand. How could you drink a dump truck full of loads? How many women did you eat out at your last party, darling? Well, I mean, eat out?
Starting point is 01:15:29 Like, do we mean go to the salad bar? I don't know. I've got all the time in ladies. I don't know. I love how she doesn't get offended at all. And Gina's like, all right, then. Have you? Are you a whore?
Starting point is 01:15:40 Are you to do your sex parties? She's like, no! All right, then. Let's sue those fuckers. Please sue them. Please. And please take this soap in the shape of Venus de Milo. Because, you know, Gina's fearless.
Starting point is 01:15:55 She's fearless like a soap. Hashtag no fear. Alright, we have got to get through a lot of shows in the next 27 minutes, Ben. But by the way, I also have to give it up for Janet and her friend Manuela. Just totally. Manuela.
Starting point is 01:16:10 Oh, my God. Welcome, Manuela, to your regular slot next season. Yeah, because when Janet was doing the impersonation of everybody and Manuela was like, you know, that's a stripper move. Like, you know, that's a stripper move. Yeah, Manuela is apparently the puppet pulling all of these strings. Because now it seems like she knows every single lady. She seems to have gotten a lot of them together. And she seems to be the one spreading all these malicious rumors in the first place. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:40 And Janet even said, like, you know, she's one of those people that you're friends with because you just don't want them as an enemy well she had like the most queen bee line of all which is like she's like listen you and i we run this town who is she she just got here five minutes ago i was like five minutes yeah manuela will now start controlling this show welcome aboard girl yeah welcome aboard okay last year she was too classy for it, but this year she's on board. Yeah, that always happens. So what show do you want to go on to next? I'm so sorry to do this, but I have to pause to go hold my penis and make it go pinky. All right, we're back.
Starting point is 01:17:17 I held my penis. I didn't wash my hands after. If you don't like it, suck a dick. Seriously. Seriously? Seriously. Let's go on to Atlanta. Okay.
Starting point is 01:17:27 Let me whip open my mucho notizos. Oh, I didn't take any notes on this. I didn't take any notes. I watched it. What happened? You did. So basically, Nini walked out and she walked out of therapy. And Dr. Jeff was like, Nini, Nini, I really would like you to come back. And Dr. Jeff was like,
Starting point is 01:17:45 NeNe, NeNe, I really would like you to come back. And she's like, bye, bye. She's like, you better worry about your license. You better worry about your license. And Dr. Jeff was like, NeNe. And she just, you know, the moose went back off to the wilderness. And so then Dr. Jeff came back,
Starting point is 01:18:03 and then he helped the women go through problems. And it was this really sort of – I was like really into it, this kind of extended montage of the rest of the women working out their issues. You know, Portia and – I think Portia and Kenya worked hard at it. But Portia and – what's her face? The one that I like so much. What's the name of the new girl? Claudia. They Kenya worked hard at it. But Portia and what's-her-face, the one that I like so much. What's the name of the new girl? Claudia. They really worked out their stuff.
Starting point is 01:18:29 Dr. Jeff was great. I felt like he really helped them. And I wish every episode could be them all going to see Dr. Jeff. I do, too, just to see Nini get so upset. Yeah. Nini is so dumb. The fact that she would even think it's like everyone's ganging up on me. It's like, how could you like arrange this and then just storm out of it? It just drives me nuts. I mean, I want her to have a reality check, but she never will because she's mentally ill. And she takes in this stuff through like very warped eyes and she's like incapable of seeing like like her role in anything yeah nini's pretty gross i'm looking through the recap right now on trash town which is very funny um one thing i just
Starting point is 01:19:16 came upon i think about the show way too much my latest thought i love the moment when nini taunted sheree at her last reunion and told her to get on the right team because she could help her out. Yeah, everyone had an extra dose of fear into them when Sharae actually was cut. Portia was actually very involved this season, but the reason for her cut was that she wasn't open enough about her personal life. I think the producers really wanted Claudia Portia wore, but she wouldn't give it to him. Yeah, this girl's good. I like her analysis. But also, it's made me realize that I did not watch this episode I'm embarrassed oh no because I didn't do it on purpose like I'm that dumb and we have so many effing Bravo shows right
Starting point is 01:19:55 now that I literally forgot to watch it I thought I watched it and I didn't come on that's sad yeah I don't really remember um I don't really remember what else happened i'm trying to think of like candy did candy do anything i mean but basically a lot of it was the therapy stuff um at least the first chunk of it was and it was um dr jeff was really great uh i liked at one point he asked kenya to apologize to porsche and kenya's like well i will apologize but uh she needs to give me an apology whatever and then porsche was like no no no and like dr jeff was sort of just like he said at one point he's like i want to challenge you to do better and i was like thank god it was like someone needed to say that and i think they sort of got it they're like okay
Starting point is 01:20:41 like i need to do better i i can't just be like i have to wait for an apology it seemed like it worked but of course it's reality tv and they we've seen a million of these therapy sessions that seem like they work and then they're fighting one second later on i know if it actually worked it i'll be fired yeah it didn't really work but for me as a viewer in like fake tv land it felt like it worked phedra sent her lawyer some papers to review because she wants to make sure she's protected psaA, make sure you're protected before you bone on an air mattress in the projects. Good point, lady. Good point.
Starting point is 01:21:15 All right, well, sorry I didn't watch his show, but I will have a ton to talk about next week because we're actually going to give this show so much time when we have two more episodes or when i know episode next week i know so i will bone up on that one let's move on to southern charm or would you rather shahs because i did catch up with them shahs um let's talk about shahs real quickly because i have things to say i feel like get my anger out okay gg with your non-rape storyline is every fucking rape victim out there completely horrified by this storyline because it's one of the most disgusting things i've ever seen first we see gg talking about how other people drink too much and lose their temper and now she's trying to suggest that that flirtation with mike was somehow an attempted rape which she has not used that word but that's
Starting point is 01:22:00 basically what she's saying on air over and over again week after week what say you so this is what i was thinking about like it's it makes me actually very uncomfortable uh in certain ways because you know do i believe that mike tried to have sex with gg i actually do believe that i think that mike is a dog and and i believe he tried to get with gg um and when she first broached this at the beginning of the season i really did i did believe her and i continue to believe her but what drives me nuts is the way she's handling it the way she's handling it on a reality show the way she's like she's sort of doling out the information almost for like dramatic reasons it like takes away her credibility and it like lends credence to this notion of blaming the
Starting point is 01:22:46 victim you know like well of course she's gonna say it i've got the you know like which is always the problem i don't think she i don't think obviously she was raped because she didn't they never had sex or anything like that but you know one of the the uh the issues with quote-unquote rape culture is that people tend to blame the victim. Well, she shouldn't have been walking there. She shouldn't have been wearing this. She shouldn't have been doing that or that. And it's like, no,
Starting point is 01:23:07 you should blame the guy or whatever. No, but in this case, I mean, I have to call bullshit right there because there's legit rape that happens all the time that this waters that down. You know, Gigi shouldn't have been acting like that.
Starting point is 01:23:20 She shouldn't have been wasted flirting with some fucking guy. He's playing with my song right now i don't know i don't all up in his business all the time flirting with everybody being a whore in general and fucking everybody i think that mike i think that anybody trying to have sex with gg would not be a shock that's like trying to put it in a fleshlight it's like well that's why non it's like not gonna fight you back you know what i mean and the minute she said no he stopped. So I don't even understand what she's talking about or how this is traumatizing to her in any way.
Starting point is 01:23:50 It's bullshit. Well, that's why I'm uncomfortable with this because I do believe that he tried to get with her. I think he got drunk or whatever. Yeah, so what? It's like a fucking piece of flypaper getting mad that flies are stuck to him. No, no. But here's the thing. I don't think that she was necessarily flirting with him or anything.
Starting point is 01:24:04 I really don't put any blame. For the things that or anything. I really don't put any blame for the things that you said. I actually don't blame her for that. But what I don't like, she's basically saying that Mike tried to get with her and he's with a girl. And that's wrong. That's pretty much the basis of the argument. And that makes her feel uncomfortable. She flirts with everybody and tries to get everybody to want her ass. And then the minute they try, she's going to try that.
Starting point is 01:24:24 I don't buy it. I don't believe her at all. I think she's illicit. And I think she's doing real rape victims a total injustice by acting like this. She's acting like a total asshole. And also the men. You know what? So what if a man tried to have sex with you? Shocker! We're led by our penises. If I got yelled at
Starting point is 01:24:40 by everybody I tried to have sex with, I'd be probably in jail. You're going to have so many women pissed off at you. Women should be pissed off at that because that was not rape. There was nothing violent about it. She's not saying it was rape. She's insinuating that it was rapey.
Starting point is 01:24:57 Well, maybe. But the issue is more that he has a girlfriend and that he's being all high and mighty and da-da-da da, but the truth is That was the same trip where they were all wasted sitting in the bathroom trying to look at his dick. I mean, give me a break. Those people, all they do is talk about fucking and sex and
Starting point is 01:25:14 whose dick is biggest and even this episode let's all get naked and see whose ass is best and na na na na na. All they do is talk about sex so to suddenly turn around and act like you're above it all and you can't believe someone would treat you like that. And you can't even look at them the same when they're in the same room because fuck off. You're a total slut.
Starting point is 01:25:31 I'm saying my so my I mean, in certain ways, we were agreeing because I'm saying that what I don't like about this whole situation is that Gigi is just sort of like she's belaboring it. You know, the crux of her issue is that Mike tried to have sex with her and he has a girlfriend and that's wrong and makes her feel uncomfortable. The whole thing makes her feel uncomfortable. It makes her think that he's a creep, basically. That's fine.
Starting point is 01:25:54 But rather than sort of like dealing with it, either like confront him, move on or whatever, she's like sort of like teasing it out and she's making herself seem much more as if she were were a rape victim. I think that's what you're getting at. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:26:07 It's totally disgusting. She's going on national TV when she knows that one of her supposed best friends is about to get married to somebody that he really loves, that's changing religions to be with him, blah, blah, blah. She's going on national TV and insinuating really creep, overly creepy vibes. She has not used the word rape, but she is. And what I'm saying is the reason why it makes what, why I think it's uncomfortable to watch in a certain way is that because she's handling it in this way,
Starting point is 01:26:37 she's making people like you, like what you just said, and probably others being like, Oh, well she shouldn't have been flirting. She's like taking away whatever ground she had to stand on she's ruining it because she's seems like she's using it to serve a dramatic purpose to get people to like have pity for her whatever and what it's doing like what you said
Starting point is 01:26:56 is it kind of it um it gives credence the idea of blaming the victim because she is she's making herself not seem credible anymore and so it just it makes that's all i'm saying yeah exactly because so many people have like if this was different and they were wasted and they were still making the same dick jokes and she was still making the thong jokes and they were still making all these sexual jokes and he said come here and she came there and he tried to get with her and she said no fuck off and then he like actually kept trying to get with her and like was trying to like force it okay i get it like that's one thing but that's not what happened and to make it to try and ruin somebody's marriage which you know that's my problem with this show up at her hotel room these people yeah but they
Starting point is 01:27:42 were in each other's hotel rooms the whole fucking time and they were shit-faced and had just been talking about his dick so like all i'm saying is i don't i don't think that she is fabricating this i really don't i i believe i don't think she's fabricating it i believe that but i but i think we i guess well i guess we both agree we're just i totally think that it happened i don't think she's lying at all but when you're wasted with your friends and all you do is talk about sex and one of your friends tries to make out with you, so what? That happens. It's like if that happened with me and my friends, am I going to sit there and hold that against my friends for a year and then try and embarrass them and ruin their relationship? No, you were fucked up in Mexico together and all you were doing was talking about fucking the entire time.
Starting point is 01:28:25 And you guys brag about the fact that you get so shit-faced you can't even walk or see straight the next day. And my problem with this show isn't even all of that. It's that these people have no love or respect for each other. You know, they're supposed to be best friends and all they do is try and ruin each other's lives. Last year they were going after MJ for no fucking reason. And Gigi and calling her a drunk and a crazy and blah blah blah this year they're calling Mike a rapist I mean all this stuff that's been happening with Mike leading up to this season all the rumors have been is that Mike had an
Starting point is 01:28:55 attempted rape against Gigi now that may not be their fault and maybe insiders like spinning it to make it something bigger but I came into this kind of knowing that that was going to be what it was so to find out that this is what it was that this guy's had to like a deal with this and this being his reputation for the past whatever year since they've been filming this and all these rumors have been going around because he flirted with her in mexico when they were wasted after talking about his dick and her thong for hours like i'm just disgusted with her i'm disgusted with all of these fucking people they're all i'm disgusted but here's the thing though i mean i do i do think it's i don't agree with you when you say well she shouldn't have been drunk
Starting point is 01:29:34 and flirting with him or whatever that's fine that's fine she's allowed to get drunk it's not her fault of course and he's allowed to try and make a pass at her so what they're wasted we're all sexual beings i'm not saying she shouldn't do that i'm saying that she shouldn't act like when she's acting like a total hoe and a drunk like a loose girl like to quote my meemaw but like when you're acting like that and then you're shocked that guys are trying to get in your pants give me a fucking break lady like you walk around in your bikini talking about dick all the time like to be shocked that anybody would make a pass at you or to act like you're so above it and you're so innocent and you can't even talk to him anymore in public because it's just so shut the fuck up bitch get a job get a life i'm not i don't
Starting point is 01:30:15 know if i'm gonna co-sign on the idea that i don't need you if you're if you're if she's drunk i don't need a co-sign he's gonna want to get into her pants. I don't need a co-sign. He's going to want to get into her pants. I don't know. But I do think so. Yes, I do think that. When you get a fucking man drunk and you're walking around in your bikini talking about his dick and show me your dick. He's touching my thong right now.
Starting point is 01:30:38 You're flirting. Like, I don't care if you want to call it flirting. And I don't care what kind of politically correct world we live in. You're fucking flirting with a dude. And guess what happens when you flirt with dudes they get boners and when they're drunk they will try and have sex with you because that's what we do we're fucking animals okay so if he tried to go further or did anything violent i would say fuck him what a rapist get rid of him fire him blah blah blah but for her to go trying to ruin his relationship and ruin his reputation for the past year over flirting with her when they were wasted after being sexual on a vacation in Mexico, not buying a bitch.
Starting point is 01:31:10 Please sit down. I mean, I mean, I think that's where we agree, which is that, you know, if you did try to get with her, that's like fucked up because he has a girlfriend. And I think that she should, you know, like I understand why she would be uncomfortable with that. And that's how that's like. That's really regardless of why it happened, Ronnie, if it did happen, I think she's entitled to feel uncomfortable about that situation. Because that is a weird thing. And then when you hold on to that stuff, it affects you in strange ways. She's entitled to be uncomfortable and be like, dude, last night we were wasted and you tried to make a pass at me.
Starting point is 01:31:39 That's not cool. And he would have been like, dude, I'm sorry I was drunk. We were getting overly sexual. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disrespect you. The end. But to hold on to it for a year and try and ruin his reputation and his wife and all that. Fuck you, bitch.
Starting point is 01:31:50 When she originally broached it in the season premiere, it's like, okay, I get that. Like, you know, she was trying to just, like, ignore it and let it slide because she didn't want to ruin it or whatever. But, like, sometimes when you hang on to those things, it does. She wasn't trying to hang on to it. She held on to it until they started filming. But what I'm saying is it does manifest. So I get that. But then when she lost me is that when they're at this 30th birthday party, which, by the way, 30 for Adam.
Starting point is 01:32:15 I thought he was like 39. When they said 30, his 30th birthday, I thought it was like they're making a joke about the fact that he's turning 40. And they were going to joke that it was his 30th. And it turns out he was really turning 30 I was shocked but anyway when she then like tells like these two like and all these ancillary characters like a Sifa or whatever name is it and Shervin and a Sifa his boyfriend and it's like well he tried to fuck me and then walks out of the room it's like you know you now i'm no longer really on your side because now you're you're using this like you're as a weapon you're using it to more to assassinate his character you're not like you're not struggling with something that's on your mind you're now
Starting point is 01:32:56 actually turning it into gossip which is what everyone else is saying gg's never had one moment of being a decent person not one all she does is sponge off of her parents she doesn't do shit with her life she's a bit you know she's a bitch to the only person who's trying to make her money she's an awful fucking human being to all of her friends she's betrayed everybody on this fucking show i mean i don't know what to say about her except she's a disgusting fucking human being and when you have friends that have actually gone through being raped and having to deal with that and having to go through all the stigma and all of the lies and all of the bullshit that men come up with to fight that, like, yeah, she deserved it and blah, blah, blah. To be using it so casually because you need something to talk about because you're still sitting on the fucking floor of your apartment because you don't even have a goddamn job. Like, get a life, bitch. Like, people like that are so toxic. I mean, I just the fucking floor of your apartment. Because you don't even have a goddamn job. Like get a life bitch.
Starting point is 01:33:45 Like people like that are so toxic. I mean I just want them out of my life. So to even watch this person on TV just grosses me out. It infuriates me. And then to like have to compare it even to a real rape. Or like offending people who have been raped. They should be offended at her. Like to me that's a crazy thought.
Starting point is 01:34:04 Because I'm not being offensive. I'm saying that people who lie and who try and smear reputations for attention are disgusting, toxic human beings and no one should pay attention to them. Yeah, and that's what I was saying too, which is that it's like she is – Thank you. You co-signed. You see? Co-signed. I'm co-signing on that, which is that she is feeding into the blame the victim mentality because she's she is acting a way where it makes people be like.
Starting point is 01:34:27 But like it's she's acting a way where you where you're going to your instinct is to really not support her because now it seems like she's just being gossipy. And yeah, she's just being awful. She's being fucking awful. Meanwhile, what else happened? So Asa burned incense at the Mercedes. Oh, yeah. Asa, who's so spiritual she needs to spend $11,000 a month of her parents' money on a fucking car. Here's another one who doesn't have a job.
Starting point is 01:34:51 I hope your mom's having fun living in East Hollywood slums, bitch, where I live. And I know exactly how that is. Get the fuck over yourself. $11,000 a month for a car. Asa, you're really a weirdo now. You're really fucking weird now. Come on. Let's fucking finish this up now her mom was the best part of the episode and in traffic being like fuck you're turning my lane you're stupid fuck face mother fuck yeah um let's see
Starting point is 01:35:16 what did reza do he's like that's so persian let's have a birthday party there's like a whole white people white people have birthday parties at chuck e cheese it's so different than persian people persian people persian people like don't have like birthday parties on the second floor of restaurants but adam's like i want a birthday party in the second floor of cabrera so we did that but not it's white i don't know anymore that party room was even tackier than his living room and that's an accomplishment like oh gosh yeah that is a major major accomplishment and you gotta love him being like meeting mj's boyfriend for the first time his best friend who hasn't had a man that's treated her well in years and his reaction is well if i was gonna bang a 30 year old it certainly wouldn't be that ugly fuck it's like jesus i'm like who do
Starting point is 01:36:03 you think you are prince charming reza oh my god you fat hairy fuck do you know how lucky you are to even have a tv show to earn a boyfriend like you got you piece of shit you're gonna say that about your best friend gross what do you think adam's friends are all saying about you i mean come on now that's just absolutely uncalled for and that guy i didn't think i mean yeah he might not be like classically handsome but he's not like i didn't i didn't think he was an ogre he just is balding that's all and i'm happy for him and res is like are you circumcised like shut up yeah he's not an ogre he's a nice guy i mean he's being nice to mj i mean jesus christ he's a saint yeah thank him thank that man okay get him a fucking olive garden gift certificate to he can keep treating her right. And by the way, let's give MJ some credit for having a morning scene with her boyfriend where she had real bed hair, bed head, as opposed to like Vanderpump Rules when Sheena wakes up in like a full face of makeup.
Starting point is 01:36:56 I just slept so well. Bitch, you've been up for two hours. And I'm sorry. I just got over my GG rage and then I get to this line in my note I feel rage, sadness, I can't stop crying I can't be in a normal group setting fuck you bitch seriously
Starting point is 01:37:13 okay that's all I had to say, I'm moving on now yeah let's see yeah I think those are the major things yeah that was the end that reso quote was my last thing gross, you guys are gross but I am glad I'm... Yeah, that was the end. That Reza quote was my last thing. Gross. You guys are gross.
Starting point is 01:37:26 But I am glad I'm watching it. It was fun to watch. I'll watch it just to watch the mom do more stuff. And also to hate on Gigi and see what other victim bullshit she comes up with this season. Yeah, well, I mean, and also, I mean, I can't stand Mike. So it is... I am enjoying Mike. He's an ape.
Starting point is 01:37:40 He's a fucking ape. He's an idiot. He's a controlling... You know, he's, like, very controlling. And he's very condescending to people. Especially women. He's super condescending. And then he gets drunk and is an asshole. Yeah, agreed.
Starting point is 01:37:52 Agreed. It's one of these Bravo shows where it's like sticking up for one person doesn't make the other person right. He's a total ass. And then he's showing this hideous mansion. And then I like this other asshole who's like, yeah, you know,
Starting point is 01:38:07 the Saudi princes are coming through, the Saudi sultans are coming, and this would be a good house for their servants. I'm like, oh, you know what? Everyone just go away. Yeah, everybody just stop. Yeah, really gross. Congratulations. Persian people can be just as disgusting as white
Starting point is 01:38:23 people. You've proved a great point, guys. Nice work. Congratulations. Persian people can be just as disgusting as white people. You've proved a great point, guys. Nice work. Congratulations. That's so Persian. You know, homegirl can't sell a house for the life of him. Okay, so why don't we go to Southern Charm? Yeah, that show makes me angry, that Shaz. God, I'm still pissed off about talking about Shaz.
Starting point is 01:38:43 Like, I can't let it go. Ronnie, you know what? Why don't you do as Patricia does and sit back and have a perfect martini? Oh, girl, if I had two butlers to make them for me, I sure would. Bueller, you lazy bastard. I love Patricia. She had a few great lines. I think the two lines, she had three lines that I actually wrote down.
Starting point is 01:39:01 First is when she says, every day at 5 p.m. I require a perfect martini. Which is, you know, it's like, I know people like that. My favorite was, I don't have a husband right now, so I fill the house with butlers. I mean, yeah, that was my next favorite. It's like, I love that. And she just, she waves her hands as she does that. Just like, you know, just get butlers instead.
Starting point is 01:39:26 And I also like when she was being shady about Thomas' second christening, she's like, it was like being in Tierra del Fuego. So hot. I was like, oh, she should just speak about things in Mexico or just anything with a Latin name all the
Starting point is 01:39:44 time. She's just like i was at on delays down in it was like she was had one too many enchiladas if you know what i'm saying oh she's funny someone wrote on our facebook they were like god i see a lot of patricia love on this page and she's disgusting have you ever had to work for somebody like that they're racist they're judgmental they're mean it's like yes we don't like it because we want to work for her. You like it from a distance. Yeah, it's funny.
Starting point is 01:40:11 I was saying that to you when I was watching. I was like, you know, this lady, she's probably some – she's probably all sorts of – Racist, bitch. Or whatever. Classist old bitch, man. Horrible. Yeah, and like on TV, it's like she's just great because you know what? horrible like on tv it's like it's like she's just great because you know what i think feel like i feel like on tv it's like you have to you can't help but like enjoy that this woman's just doing
Starting point is 01:40:30 her thing and she's just living her life and she's like glamorous and i don't know she's better anybody who can be i mean if you if you think about who she is? She's a lonely old lady. Failed marriages. Failed marriages. Her son's a fucking moron. Like, I mean, we'll get to him. He's 47 years old in a band called Renob, which is boner backwards. Which he's paying like a bunch of 20-year-olds to treat him like he's cool and drink beers with him and say bro a lot.
Starting point is 01:41:04 I mean, it's just sad and the only company she has is like the sad gay guy down the street and the butlers that she hires so to see somebody like that who's so it's like when you see a homeless person in a boa you know there's just something so you see that a lot fantastic about that i'm in west hollywood our homeless people are colorful yeah um no i i think you i think you're right she does have a very sad existence i think i think whitney's existence is even sadder when he's like got his big old toupee on jamming out his john travolta wig and his terrible face surgery and his eyebrows. His hipster shit.
Starting point is 01:41:50 He has no career, although admittedly he is a producer on this show. And the thing is, I actually believe he's very smart. I think he's very smart. And I think we said this last season. He is basically an old, fussy, conservative Republican. And he's trying to be a hipster rock star. I'm like, no, put on your pink trousers and put a white blazer on and a bow tie and go have your juleps
Starting point is 01:42:14 and be a Southern conservative fuddy-duddy. Just do it. That's who you are. Well, I love that you bring up the example. Like, well, he did do this show and that's a success. Because to us it is. Like you produce a Bravo show, you're in a second season, people this show and that's a success because to us it is like you produce a bravo show you're in the second season people love it that is a success but where he's
Starting point is 01:42:29 from it's not you know where he's from it's like bottom of the barrel that's like all he could accomplish was doing some shit you know reality show i mean i love when patricia gets on him about his career remember last season she's asking about like the film she's like what about that film career the film school you went to? What about your restaurant? What about your... I love it. I just love it.
Starting point is 01:42:51 It's like a failure of a woman browbeating her failure of a son and just both wrapped in big feathery blankets pretending it's all fabulous, you know? Yeah, and he shows up with a hickey on his neck, which was clearly... He gave that to himself with a vacuum cleaner. Totally. It's like, yeah, vacuum cleaner hickey.
Starting point is 01:43:10 Yeah. But anyway, so there's a lot of – I used to use a vacuum cleaner on my belly button to try and get an Audi because I thought that people with Audis were all skinny. I mean, what the hell? I used to use a vacuum cleaner on my floor to get it clean, but then I stopped. So Catherine, let's see. We had Catherine. She was like, I like to experiment in the kitchen.
Starting point is 01:43:33 I'm putting mayonnaise on salmon. Mayonnaise on salmon. At first I was like, that is disgusting. This is like the most disgusting Midwestern recipe. But then by the end I was like, I bet that's actually really good. It is. That is Southern. We do that in Texas, too.
Starting point is 01:43:45 When you go to Luby's in Texas, they put a layer of mayonnaise and then breadcrumbs on top of the fish. And it's delicious. I believe that. I actually 100% believe that. And then she was like, how do I make asparagus? Like, well, I think you just put it in a pot with water. And she's like, where do I find the water? She's like, what kind of pot to be fair she's way ahead of where i was when i was 21 i mean literally she has a baby but like when i was 21 i could not cook for shit i remember one time putting
Starting point is 01:44:19 um i used to you know cook chicken breasts you know as i'm sure many people have, in a pan. And you cook it on one side, and then you cook it on the other side. And then eventually it's done, and you put it on your plate. One time I got a chicken breast from the store, and it was bone-in. I didn't realize. Like, oh, okay. So I just put it on the frying pan. That shit took about 45 minutes, and it was still raw on the inside.
Starting point is 01:44:42 It was just like a disaster. I will never forget that chicken breast experience. Oh, Catherine. One thing that I love that they cut to Patricia saying, she's like, well, Catherine comes from a long line.
Starting point is 01:44:58 Her family name is impeccable. But listen, having someone in your family that was classy 200 years ago doesn't make you classy now yeah so like bam meanwhile to you have is like well i like carter and both have good french huguenot blood and uh sure she's a little immature at times but i still love her i'm like whatever you have been saddled with this awful life decision and now you have to live with it thomas is really an awful guy like they're really showing him to be more and more terrible this year and i think it's i don't know i think it's just as terrible as he was last year but yeah i love
Starting point is 01:45:35 him i don't know why he didn't bug me last year for some reason there's like a glint of evil in his eye this year that i'm just not oh yeah i can't get past like this year he just seems mean last year he seemed dumb like a dumb rich guy who can't believe now he's so old and he's up his life but he's still got money to do whatever like there was something exciting about it last year i don't know like a dream but this year it's just a mean guy like he purposely moves this young girl all the way out into the middle of nowhere and makes him do all this stuff And then he's like well, I don't know if she's good enough to be my wife I mean is she really the right political choice, dude?
Starting point is 01:46:11 You impregnated a 21 year old and didn't even marry her ass and then trapped her in a house out in the middle of nowhere How is that a good political decision you jackass? Exactly, you know if he had a shot at his candidacy he definitely lost it with katherine um and so it's funny so he had a um he had like an announcement he lost it at the cocaine thing he he did but people have come back from that i mean look at marion barry or look he he was there i mean he was this guy was just a guy toronto what's his face you know i don't think treasurers get a second chance i mean i think if you fuck up as treasurer you're done okay if you're mayor maybe you get a second chance but the treasurer no especially in the
Starting point is 01:46:54 south where i think that character is a lot more important but um but either way so he has a dinner at jd's restaurant um to announce his candidacy and there's some lady there. Poor Catherine. This girl, she obviously put on some pounds after having the baby and she is trying to MJ arm her face. She had so much contouring on her face. She had so
Starting point is 01:47:18 much contouring on her cheeks. She looked like she actually had a beard. It was so severely dark. I was like, oh, honey, it's okay. We get it. You can't deviate. And I think she looks so good. I mean, when they showed her right after she had had the baby, she had gained so much weight.
Starting point is 01:47:33 And she's lost so much weight. I mean, I think she looks great. I actually think, you know, I really enjoy the show. I really enjoy T-Rab and everything. But the situation is very sad. Because this girl is a party girl. And as as she said it's all come to a stop and you can see she wants to go back to her party ways and you can see that t-rap does not want to be saddled with the baby and they are now like stuck in a situation for the rest of their lives and i was like come back don't leave me I'm not letting you leave me Thomas come back
Starting point is 01:48:06 like the least energy of any character on television Catherine how do I make asparagus Thomas gets mad because the dinner is cold I think it was Cameron who said the line about you know because Catherine wore this like super
Starting point is 01:48:23 prim outfit to the dinner. And Catherine's like, if I were her, I would shoot for Kate Middleton, not Mrs. Doubtfire. Cameron's a total asshole, but she is so funny and she hits the nail on the head every time. She's like, well, at least your baby isn't ugly. Yeah, we have to – last year when we did our little crappies awards we nominated t-rab for something but i think that this year we have to remember that cameron and shep should really be in the running for best reality because you know what shep is great too he is because he is a you know he we should hate him he's just like a spoiled
Starting point is 01:48:59 rich kid doing whatever he wants but he is funny and smart and he and cameron are just having the best time on the show. And like Patricia, they do not give a fuck. Like people like that are so entertaining to watch. Exactly. No, they're,
Starting point is 01:49:11 they're both great. I love, I feel like Shep is actually very smart. I mean, he went to Vanderbilt business school, which is, you don't just like walk in there, even if you are rich.
Starting point is 01:49:20 Um, well maybe if you are rich, you do, but, um, he's a smart guy. He's just doing nothing with his life. And he totally owns up to it.
Starting point is 01:49:26 As opposed to Craig. Why should he? He's rich as hell. I mean, you go to work to make money. Yeah. Speaking of which, Craig, I thought he was an asshole last season. And he's just even more of an asshole. He's just the worst.
Starting point is 01:49:38 Could you imagine family dinners at that house? This week we met their brother. And they're like, hey, bro. Hey, bro. What are you doing? Nothing. What are you doing? Nothing. How's work doing nothing how's work sucks how's work with you i'm gonna take over dad's business i'm like why is this scene still going on that's all it was we should hang out yeah man let's hang out like i don't like to work all day yeah that's cool bro i don't want to take the bar i want to have a little bit of a break before I take the bar.
Starting point is 01:50:05 Like, yeah, congratulations on your career. That's going nowhere. That's exactly what lawyers – that's exactly what law firms love is a lawyer who just wants to take a break for a little bit. Yeah. I think if you ever run for judge, they're going to play this clip over and over again. You know what they call taking a break, Craig? It's called working at a law firm in Charleston. Oh, hey-ho.
Starting point is 01:50:24 Good luck. break, Craig? It's called Working at a Law Firm in Charleston. Oh, hey-ho! Good luck. My favorite part is the coming-this-season clips they showed last week where Cameron's like, you lost your job. You lost your house.
Starting point is 01:50:36 What is rock bottom? I love that. Like, when do you hit rock bottom? So I'm actually enjoying this storyline because it's like hot guy comeuppance, you know? Because you always see like, it seems sometimes like hot guys are just handed everything, especially on shows like this, you know, where it's all about like the handsome all-American boy. And he went to law school and you just figured he'd be like this hot shot lawyer this year, but he's just a loser too.
Starting point is 01:51:01 He moved to like, yeah, he basically moved to the worst place. He moved to a city full of like hot rich guys who don't have to work so he's actually the bottom of the totem pole he's so he therefore is actually not hot at all yeah you're just not working like it's cool when you're rich and you don't have to work but you're not rich you're just not working yeah like how do you think uh that blonde girl danny that gorgeous blonde girl danny who is like the dream like southern bell waspy whatever who works in wine you think she's gonna go for shep the working class lawyer who's trying to come up in the world i'm not shep i mean craig or shep or anyone like shep who just has
Starting point is 01:51:37 200 years of wealth behind him sorry craig yeah sorry buddy boy start romancing the the hostess at jd's restaurant yeah you need to move to pasadena yeah you need to move to california where there's no such thing as old money yeah we you would make money just because you're cute here and you work out okay someone will give you something you're in the wrong city stop holding on to all these ideals that you'll never be a part of and or have come sell sell out or have Whitney manage your modeling career in some form like listen I got you a gig at the Red Lobster you're going to do a fashion parade like Australian style
Starting point is 01:52:13 all you have to do is you have to walk from the host table to the regular table and while you're doing that you may have to show some people to their table oh you know what I'm sorry I got you a job as a host sorry so for this fashion show you're going that, you may have to show some people to their table. Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. I got you a job as a host. Sorry. So for this fashion show, you're going to be walking with a tray with some food on it.
Starting point is 01:52:31 The runway is from the kitchen to various tables. We'll tell you each time which table you have to go to. Oh, wait a second. My bad. You're a waiter. Just pick up these pitchers, these heavy pitchers and these bread baskets full of cheesy biscuits and oh sorry you're a bus boy yeah sorry sorry um and if anyone asks you like this is not a traditional fashion show so if someone says hey i would like the ultimate feast
Starting point is 01:52:58 you just go into the kitchen and you bring out the ultimate feast it's part of the fashion show the bib the bib you actually don't get to wear that it's part of the fashion show the bib the bib you actually don't get to wear that that's not for the models that's actually for the that's for the press and by press i mean people eating at the restaurant just make sure you make a good impression on anna one tour and by anna one tour i mean joni garcia she's at table three. She wants more cherry coke, please. Oh my god. So are there any shows
Starting point is 01:53:30 that we missed? I don't think so. Well, we didn't talk about the Vanderpump Rules special, but guess what? I have to go. I have a hard out. I gotta go to the airport. Oh, well, for crying out loud, this is only two and a half hours. I know. I'm so sorry. You selfish son of a gun.
Starting point is 01:53:47 Alright. Well, maybe we can talk about... Not much happened on it anyway, so who cares. This was a fun week. Next week we start our two episodes per, so if you have not subscribed, please go to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Come to our
Starting point is 01:54:02 Facebook page at facebook.com slash watch what crap ends to hook up with other listeners and talk shit about the show during the week with other listeners hook it up it's like tinder but for bravo nerds and um what else go to watch what crap ends.com to find our social media stuff i'm doing real housewives of beverly hill cat recap same night every week um TrashTalkTV.com. And Ben's other podcast is called The Banter Blender. So check it out. And we'll see you next time.
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