Watch What Crappens - #174: Return of RHONY OKAAAY?

Episode Date: April 8, 2015

Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) are here with ...our first episode of the week. We talk the return of Real Housewives of New York and then laugh our asses trying to imitate the Real Housewives of Melbourne before moving onto Real Housewives Atlanta getting Jesus to fix it and Blood Sweat and Heels? attempt to kill musical theater for good. Join us! d Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love talking about on Bravo. All that crap we love talking about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV.
Starting point is 00:00:52 And joining me as usual is the thin, gorgeous, talented, and very well-groomed Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. He's from the Banter Blender podcast. Hi, Ben. Oh, hi, Ronnie. How are you, hon? Oh, you know, I'm making my way through the day like Vanessa Carlton. Try a little positivity then. Trying to make my way. Although I think Vanessa Carlton is just making her way downtown. But I like to think that I'm making my way downtown via the day.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Well, the other way rhymes better. Yeah. You can find all our social media links over at WatchUpCrappins.com if you want to follow us on Twitter or Instagram. I posted a picture of my dog eating a bag. So, you know, that's always worth it. Yeah. Also come to our Facebook page Facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrappens to talk to other listeners. And we talk
Starting point is 00:01:36 shit there all week about the shows. We have live show threads and stuff like that. And people post really hilarious news articles there. It's a fun community. So if you're not already a part, get the hell over there. Also, you can subscribe to us on Patreon, which is our premium feed, and basically you just get a bunch of extras,
Starting point is 00:01:54 like bonus episodes. Today's was all about a gay porn star blackmailing a fat Republican, and that was super fun to read because it was a really long email. Yeah, and somehow this all came from discussion of the Apple Watch. Yeah. The plan was to talk about the Apple Watch. And then we wound up talking about a gay porn star.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Yeah. So there's that. Those are once a week. We're also two episodes a week now. Those are totally free. But if you do want to subscribe, you can get the bonus episode, ringers, a monthly Google Hangout, and also you could just keep us
Starting point is 00:02:29 in clothes, which is always helpful. So thank you to everybody who subscribes to us because you're making our dreams come true, you guys. So we have a big episode today. Lots of stuff has happened this week on Bravo.
Starting point is 00:02:46 But the biggest thing that happened, Real Housewives of New York returned. Ben, what do you think? It's back. I'm so happy. You know, this is my favorite of all the Real Housewives, regardless of who's in the cast. I love it, but I'm loving it even more right now. The cast is bigger than it's ever been before. There are eight women on this show.
Starting point is 00:03:09 I don't think all of them are going to survive until next season, but I am on board and I am ready for this rollercoaster of a season to begin. It's going to be so good. Well, New York usually makes me crazy because they're so like yelly and screamy and kind of toxic. New York and Jersey, the East Coasters are a little too much for me but um i really love the past ever since they got rid of stupid fucking jill zarin okay shut up jill zarin if you're listening to this you're probably talking at the same time shut up well no to be fair jill zarin her first two seasons was great. Everyone loved Jill Zarin. But then when she got into her fight with Bethany, it was like she became a fame monster.
Starting point is 00:03:50 She just wanted to be famous. And she's, you know, she became the worst. She still is. She's on. She's starting Twitter war. She's trying to start Twitter war. She was on Twitter yesterday saying, oh, I sure did see Ramona, Ramona's husband cheating at a party in the Hamptons. I saw it with my own eyes. Don't call me a liar.
Starting point is 00:04:06 True dat. She like hashtagged true dat. And I was like, oh, Jill. You're hashtagging things true dat, Jill. It's awkward. And this was posted by Cindy C. So thank you. It's like one of the best posters on our site.
Starting point is 00:04:19 But let me bring it up because this is hilarious. Jill Zarin, you're not on the show, okay? It's like she's watching it live and livearin you're not on the show okay it's like she's watching it live and live tweeting like she's on the show you know that bitch still submits bravo blogs every day just in case you like forget posting yeah oh yeah excuse me wow took a lot of that but a lot out of of me. So should we just go through the epi? Well, first, the biggest thing is... Bethany's back, right? Isn't that the biggest thing?
Starting point is 00:04:52 I mean, there are a lot of big things, to be honest. There's so many big things. Okay, well, Bethany's back. Ugh, the mouth. The mouth. And yet I still stand by what I've always said before. I'm so busy. Oh, God, I. So busy. I have so much to do. I mean, look at what I'm doing. I'm in the presidential suite. Here I am at the president.
Starting point is 00:05:08 I mean, I'm homeless. This is crazy. Can you believe it? I'm homeless. I mean, look, I have all this money, but I'm homeless. I don't know what to do. My husband stole the house that I worked for. Here's what I have to say about Bethany.
Starting point is 00:05:21 I've always said that she's better in the context of the Real Housewives because she's a little bit more diluted. And I still agree with that. She did make me laugh this episode for sure. But, you know, where I sort of lost her was a little bit of the victimhood. Like on the one hand, when she was crying at the end of the episode and she's like, I worked so hard. And they show footage of her trying to sell cookies from like season one. And then it's true. She has worked hard.
Starting point is 00:05:50 And it does suck that she doesn't get that apartment. So I'm like totally on her side for that. But where she loses me where she's like, I mean, I'm homeless. I'm homeless. I mean, I don't know. I need to have a home for my kids. I don't know. Like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:02 I can't have another kid because I don't have a home. I'm like, you just said that you bought a place in the hamptons you bought a place in soho now you're looking for another place you know you can spare me the homeless act just a little bit yeah and also she forgets that she had a spin-off show that we watched where we got to see her husband driving around door to door helping her become successful um you know helping her with her branding helping. You know, helping her with her branding, helping her with her ideas, helping her with her business
Starting point is 00:06:29 that made her a humongous success. So sorry, but cameras were there and we saw that. So you need to stop your bitching. Okay, hon? Because we saw him earn that money. I mean, he literally drove around from store to store with her selling that shit and getting that in stores and blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:06:45 He earned it. We also saw her treat him like total shit the whole time they were on that show and have a fit when he threw her a surprise party and just treat him like total trash. Bitch, I'm sorry. I don't feel bad for you at all. I hope he gets your money and good for him for staying in that house and refusing to be poor because you decided to discard his ass. Right. in that house and refusing to be poor because you decided to discard his ass right what what you know i don't actually know the details of their divorce because i just sort of like put on my blinders all like the bethany frankel gossip uh what like what do we know like what precipitated
Starting point is 00:07:17 it was just that she was treating him like shit no we don't really know i mean i don't know because i can't i didn't pay attention either i only watch the uh spinoffs because of this um right yeah when it comes to reading it people posted uh talk show clips and stuff and i was like yikes but uh you know i don't hate her she just gets on my nerves it's like that that yappy new york thing that yeah it made me crazy when i lived there and it makes me crazy now and she's like very aggressive yeah and it's not a new york thing everybody in new york knows what i'm talking about it's the yappy new york thing it's like the ramona and bethany yappy yap yeah exactly and it's weird because it used to be more charming i think when she was poor but now that she's like successful it's somehow insufferable yeah and she's got you know the first episode is she's staying in the presidential suite was that
Starting point is 00:08:03 at the plaza that couldn't have been the plaza no that was at the essex house oh i was gonna say now it's jw marriott but like still that's the thing to me i'm like this just seems so excessive it is but she's like going to the presidential suite but then she's like oh you know because i'm working on my book the the kids book and then a book about drinking and then you know she's got a table set up with all of her skinny girl products and it's like come on stops she's coming off as just too thirsty like she's always uh plugging something like just be a fucking real person for two seconds she did make me laugh a lot through the episode too she's just maybe a little bit uh too phony for me yeah i don't know i'm we'll have to see how how the season plays out you know is she going to be the fun like um like voice of for the people as she was in the beginning what's that called
Starting point is 00:08:54 like the course you know the greek chorus or is she just going to be now like really arrogant like this arrogant successful businesswoman who needs to be taken down a peg i mean if you ask me if you ask me the entrepreneur to watch is luann because she's the one who has that fabulous flatware and plates and bowls that she's trying to sell i don't know maybe toasting will come back in in style again and sonia will make everybody regret it yeah exactly skinny girl toast but one of my favorite things skinny girl toast one of my favorite things is when she says i've run an international business like oh shut up so do i because i'm on the internet
Starting point is 00:09:38 shut up you dumb hoe and later in the episode she's like does bill gates put up with this does oprah put up with this i'm like uh you're neither okay blue screen of death well i think that's what she was trying to say is that like she's still like one of us oh i didn't get it that way as she talks to her gay porn star turned reality star realtor frederick eklund frederick eklund he's like what's your fetish oh there, there's some Russian people outside. Bueller about to bark. Ooh, about to...
Starting point is 00:10:07 Bueller, I believe in you. I believe you can hold it, Bueller. Good boy. He just gave me the slowest look, like, are you fucking kidding me? Do you hear sirens? There are all sorts of sirens out here. Oh, God. MJ probably can't get her fridge open.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Her mom probably locked it on her. What is all this? What is this fridge I lock for you? You find real man. No, not Persian fridge. Persian fridge shape of a pomegranate. So the next scene was Kristen. And she's still with that ugly fucking husband wearing his branded everything
Starting point is 00:10:45 i'm sure and then all i could hear was screaming babies and i had to fast forward i can't i'm done with her there's really nothing that's going on in kristen's world except that her baby is now walking which is good and i guess who cares yeah exactly that's like my sister called me one time and told me her baby pooped in the toilet because she gave it an M&M and I was like I really don't give a shit, okay? I pooped for free today. Oh, let me tell you something. I've pooped I've done more than my share of pooping today.
Starting point is 00:11:13 For those of you who don't know, which would really be all of you, I am in the midst Oh no, why are you doing that? I was so proud of you. I'm in the midst of a thing that's going on with my bowels. That's all i'll say um lisa vanderpump does not have this problem yeah lisa and i are polar opposites right now she's like the queen right she doesn't poop well i am like the court gesture court jester
Starting point is 00:11:40 and i am really having some issues um but uh but i was gonna say oh yeah so yeah nothing's really going on with kristin except yeah you know the thing is with josh is that he's the sort of guy who who who gets uh under armor like non-athletic under armor clothes you know like an under armor polo shirt wait who does that does that? Her husband, Josh. Oh, I'm so sorry. I was out of it. And you said Under Armour, and I was like, hey, that ad's always on, like, Tinder or something or Grindr. And I was like, what is this Under Armour?
Starting point is 00:12:15 It's underwear? No, Under Armour. Well, there's Under Gear and there's Under Armour. What is Under Armour? Under Armour is, like, athletic stuff. Oh, well, that's why i don't know it's like sports it's like it's clothing you wear when you work out or when you like do sports but they have those and but they also have clothing that you just can wear normally but
Starting point is 00:12:34 like no one gets it for that it's like going to a victoria's secret catalog or the store i'm buying a dress there and so the lingerie one of my friends just paid 175 for yoga pants do you know how disgusted budo would be with that fucking you know clothes getting your underwear and your bra like everybody else at the y in el paso at the risk of being totally judgmental when i see when i see women wearing yoga pants around just like casually like sweatpants whatever i pass massive amounts of judgment you do oh i hate it just anybody in yoga pants or like specifically like it's always because it's always like the it's like you know
Starting point is 00:13:12 what it really is like when i see when i see a whole bunch of women and this i know this i admit it i know this sounds totally sexist i'm sorry but this is just how i feel um you know when you see a bunch of women walking around the their yoga pants and their yoga mats everywhere. It's like you go up to San Francisco. You walk around the marina down there. It's everywhere you go. You go to Montana Avenue in Brentwood, a bunch of women in their yoga pants. It's just – it's like the yoga pants really aren't the problem.
Starting point is 00:13:38 It's more like, oh, this is basically informing me of what sort of person you are. Like you are just one of these like really insufferable Lululemon types. Lululemon, yes. Those are the expensive yoga pants. Yeah. Well, Ben, that was totally sexist, and I'm burning down your pizza shop. I know. It was totally sexist, but you know what, though?
Starting point is 00:13:58 There are a lot of guys who do equal. Look, I just bashed the guys. Guys who wear Under Armour polo shirts. Well, that's true, yeah. I'm going after everyone there's a new yoga place down the street from us and everybody's carrying around their yoga mats and then their their yoga pants too and i saw one of my neighbors the other day walking with her yoga mat her yoga pants and i was like you're the biggest c-word i've ever met in my life
Starting point is 00:14:17 i cannot believe you're bragging about some spiritual exercise how about not being a c-word how about that and then you can try and touch your toes later or maybe like jog bitch because yoga ain't working i mean i get it if you're going to do yoga like you have to put you have to put on yoga pants i get that but there's sometimes put on some shorts yoga pants what they're jogging yoga pants are thin jogging pants that's all they are they're jogging pants that are easier for your ass to eat okay it's like thin bagel bite things like sandwich bagel thins yeah it's just easier to get down yeah and i'm sure there'll be some things that crossfit guys do um that will drive me nuts in a similar way so don't worry like run really fast and then pick up weights that they can't carry and almost um throw out their back.
Starting point is 00:15:07 And then throw the weights really hard down on the ground. It's like I'm so sick of watching guys flipping giant tires down the sidewalk. Whatever happened to push-ups? Whatever happened to a medicine ball? How about you walk back from the store every once in a while? Stop using the horse. You know, there's some tractor out there that needs that tire.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Speaking of exercise, my favorite opening line of all of them was Carol's. I'm on a new diet. I'm eating cucumbers, vodka, and butter. Lots of butter. She's so funny. Cryptkeeper Carol. I know. I like that they keep on making heather go holla
Starting point is 00:15:49 every year heather had like a true dat in this episode or something i was like oh no heather so you still think you're p dids nope reel it in um so the ladies meet for like lunch or breakfast or something and they all immediately start talking about what a crazy asshole sonia has been lately and i died she went to a molly ringwald cabaret performance which is hilarious in itself exactly what they were like did you see what did you see that either than page six and they flash a headline from page six that was like sonia morgan makes a boozy entrance at molly ringwald cabaret show i was like what the hell i had to look it up immediately she shows up to molly ringwald's cabaret show and starts talking to her on stage through the whole thing apparently
Starting point is 00:16:36 yeah and i'm just like drunk off her ass and wearing jeans and whatever um let's see what else happened on so yes they were like so they were like in shock about that and they were like because it could luanne has invited everyone to her new house in the hamptons and she had to she invited ramona but so she invited sonia also because she had to um so that is that so then so then ramona met up with sonia i think that's what happened next more or less right they met yeah they met up ramona met up with sonia i think that's what happened next more or less right they met yeah they met up with she met up with sonia because she's been ignoring sonia so she was going to talk about her broken marriage to mario which is hilarious because ramona's take
Starting point is 00:17:16 on her broken marriage is just total horseshit and anybody who has a news a newspaper on their internet knows what horseshit she's spewing. She's like, well, you know, he begged me back. And so I went back to him. And so, you know, he just wanted me back so bad. But I just couldn't forgive him. And I'm like, bitch, please. He was like with some 15-year-old blonde girl all over town.
Starting point is 00:17:38 He was not begging you to come back. Yeah. Crazy. But anyway, they got into this, like, my divorce was worse. Well, I mean, basically, Sonia's like, she's like, okay, I want to hear what's going on with you. I want to find out what's going on with you, singer. And so then Ramona's like, well, you know, I feel like my world is falling apart inside. And then Sonia's like, well, that's exactly how I felt in 2005.
Starting point is 00:18:00 You know, it's just that's how I feel. And you know what? But then now I'm doing great. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. Ramona's like, okay. Ramona's like, well, you know, I just that's how i feel and you know but then now i'm doing great i'm doing this i'm doing that ramona's like uh okay ramona's like well you know i had 25 years sonia's like yeah but i had nine years plus seven that we dated so you know i mean that's that's a lot of years that i'm not going to count right now ramona's like yeah but you know i had more and you know i mean
Starting point is 00:18:18 my marriage is longer and sonia's like yeah but i mean my house is falling apart i mean my husband was arrested now i have nothing i mean i have interns that I get off Craigslist. Pickles is gone. Pickles is gone. Pickles broke computer number three. I love that Sonia has, like, labeled the computers in her home as computer one, two, and three, which is, like, so, like, middle school. She's like, well, of course you can't use computer number 2 because you keep messing up the mouse because you're so rough
Starting point is 00:18:48 with the mouse. You know that that's some mouse that she got in a box on the street that someone was leaving their shit out. She's like, oh wow, a mouse. It's an actual mouse. She's like, well, you know, I found this mouse in Saint- san trope and i put it down every time i try
Starting point is 00:19:08 and right click it it bites me so i think i must be doing something right stop being so hard on the mouse you're never going to move the cursor because you know what when i when i click on the mouse it bites me and i curse so uh because you know what when i when i click on the mouse it bites me and i curse so on the cursor i've become the cursor the mouse has turned me into the cursor uh then she's like she's like listen you know no one you know no one no one takes me seriously but i have an international empire i've got like you know a fashion line happening i've got this i've got that you just wait as she's like lying getting her like getting gold leaf
Starting point is 00:19:46 put on her face and she's like, oh, well, I got to go. It's time for the dog's trainer. Yeah. Sounds like those international brands are really coming to life. I like when she was telling Ramona, listen, when we go to the Hamptons, you cannot let these girls just talk to me like that. You
Starting point is 00:20:02 have to stick up for me. Okay, Ramona? Ramona's like, no, I got my own problems. I don't like to stick up for you. I don't feel comfortable with that, okay? Because, you know, my mother used to like me to stick up for her, and then I would get zucchini thrown in my face. I do not want noodles in my face tonight, alright? Okay? I'm sorry. You know what?
Starting point is 00:20:18 So when I was a child, Geraldine Parsons-Smith would come over, and she would say things about me, and I had to stand up to myself for myself and I don't want to do it anymore for you or for anyone else because I'm sick of it because Geraldine Parsons-Smith really bothered me. So when I see people
Starting point is 00:20:34 throw spaghettis or zoodles, I'm sorry you just have to deal with it yourself. I'm going to tell you what I told my mother, okay? Sometimes it's up to a woman to stick up for herself okay? And then I would run into the woods and I would cry all alone but did my mother come stick up for me when the trees were being mean to me and dropping leaves on my head no and that's where i learned it's time to stick up for yourself okay so this is funny i'm really remembering this right now this is like my childhood right here i
Starting point is 00:20:58 would go into the woods okay and i would see a squirrel okay this is really funny now i would see a squirrel and say hey squirrel come down and play with me. And the squirrel would just run away. And I would cry and cry and cry. And everyone would be like, why are you crying? I'm like, well, because the squirrel didn't want to play with me. And they would say, well, that's because you're an awful person. And I hated that.
Starting point is 00:21:15 But I have to stand up for myself because I know the reason why the squirrel didn't want to play with me is not because I'm a bad person. It's because the squirrel was mentally deranged. That's all. Okay. Okay. I love that Sonya's like, well, mentally deranged. That's all. Okay. Okay. I love that Sonya's like, well, you have to stick up for them.
Starting point is 00:21:28 You know, you have to stick up for me. If they make fun of me, you've got to tell them, no, Sonya's doing, she's not just a toaster. She's not just a person with a toaster, okay? She's got an international business. She knows George Clooney. I mean, she's being sued for being a film producer because she's got so much money. I mean, look at all the products she has. I think, Sonya,
Starting point is 00:21:44 please stop trying. You have nothing going on. You still have nothing going on. You don't even have a toaster. Where's your toaster? Yeah. Missing. Toaster.
Starting point is 00:21:55 All right. I want to see that fucking toaster. Bring out the toaster. Speaking of not working, Carol. She's like, what? What's a deadline? What do you mean? I signed a contract? But I found Tinder.
Starting point is 00:22:11 I'm on Tinder. I'm going to write about Tinder. My book's going to be as long as a Tinder profile. Every chapter's going to be a profile. It's too hard to even respond to Tinders with emojis. The widow's guide to swiping left and right. So let's see. Dorinda.
Starting point is 00:22:31 Okay, the new one. She's like a real life soprano. She's like a real life Mrs. Soprano. She looks just like her. Her furniture looks like Mrs. Soprano moving out on her own. What was her name? Tony and what's her name? What's the wife's name?
Starting point is 00:22:44 Carmella. Carmella. Carmella. That's right. She is very Carmella-ish. She's like a present-day Carmella. Tony's dead. Carmella's living alone in the city in a tiny L apartment. Yeah. It was a small apartment. And she talks like the maid from the Jetsons.
Starting point is 00:23:01 It was a big apartment for New York standards, but small for real housewife standards because when they were sitting at their dining room, you could see into the bedroom. And the living room. Yeah. But I like her. So far, I like her. Mr. Jetson!
Starting point is 00:23:15 She's like, Ramona, I understand what you're talking about because my first husband left me and my second husband got blood test heart attack. Sounds like Linda Richmond now. Oh, we'll talk. Ramona. She actually had a very gravelly voice. It was actually in the Adrian Maloof realm. I can hear Rosie.
Starting point is 00:23:39 Rosie. Rosie the Bade. Rosie Judson. What was funny was that Ramona came over to talk and ramona's even competitive with her she's like oh yellow plates i have yellow plates they remind me of sunshine she's like i like yellow it's like well i'm gonna make some eggs oh i can eat eggs i like eggs mario liked eggs mario would never eat my eggs but avery would because she's a good girl mario spread his eggs all over the place i'm
Starting point is 00:24:11 lucky that i don't have little mario's running around oh i miss those those man boobs i miss those hard man boobs if only i massaged him more you know it's my you know it's my favorite way to eat eggs sunny side up because it reminds me of sunshine. Just like the plates. I want to have a sunny side up egg on a yellow plate so that way it's like sun on sun. It's like a lot of sun. The brightest eggs you ever saw. Okay?
Starting point is 00:24:35 Okay. So what were you going to say before I rudely interrupted you to talk about plates? No, I'm glad you mentioned that because that made me laugh about the plates and I forgot. I didn't take any notes. I find my notes are funnier when I handwrite them because I can't just write anything down. Because usually I'm like, and then Ramona goes to this lady's house and then their maid is fat. And then they blah, blah, blah. I can only write like one thing because I write like a five-year-old.
Starting point is 00:25:01 So I just have Dorinda, soprano. Ramona has yellow plates. Yeah. No. So what's funny is that Ramona sits down and she starts talking about Mario and she starts to cry. And she's like crying and crying. And then she's like – and, you know, I just had lunch with – I just had lunch with Sonia. You know, we went to Nello's, okay? And, you know, she just faked everything about her.
Starting point is 00:25:21 And, you know, I just – I didn't want to cry. I'm on Madison Avenue, so I don't want to cry, okay? But, you know, it's like – but it's like like with you i can just be me i can you know because you give me all this you you you you give me all of this i'm like she's not giving you anything you haven't let her talk that's what she means yeah she's like you're just sitting there and staring at me like an audience member at a really bad dinner theater so that's what i want yeah and dorinda was like applying some strange corporate talk talk which is like that's not the way you execute that that's not how you execute through this she was like she's like hold on let me get my powerpoint presenter out as long as if he wasn't happy with the marriage that's not how you execute through it that's not
Starting point is 00:25:57 what you do that is not good team building skills mr judson well i like also ramona's like bawling and the the housekeeper or whoever it was she just kept coming through like i didn't know that i didn't know that eggs eggs required so many plates she just kept on showing up i was like this woman must think that she must be like oh i can't wait to tell my family about this today she's vying for the next housewife spot but i also wrote narcissistic because yeah narcissistic yeah no she didn't say that she said i mean sonia she can't stop and stop talking about herself she's so narcissistic like oh no ramona and while ramona's talking about herself the whole time well it's better but well it's funny that i mean it's better than on Blood, Sweat, and Heals, which we'll get to later, when Geneva said, hey, why don't you just kick back and decompose? English by Bravo.
Starting point is 00:26:58 So anyway. What else did I write? Like made from Jetson's Fendi tongue. Oh, yeah. Then later she's hanging out with her daughter. Yeah, I really like her, too, this chick. This Dorita chick. She's really fun. She's, like, yeah, fun and down-to-earth.
Starting point is 00:27:12 And she also seems like the type that, like, you can't fuck with her, you know? Yeah. Maybe it's because she has that, like, raspy smoker's voice. Yeah, she's like, listen, my third husband's going to be a fat gay person who can get me a discount on clothes, Mr. Jetson. She's like, not gonna feel any shame. She ain't gonna explain to us that he's gay. She's just like, he's gay.
Starting point is 00:27:31 He likes clothes. He's gonna get me this purse. Then her daughter spends her money on some purse. I don't know. I just think she's super adorable. And I'm all for people. You know, I'm all for gay marriage. So I hope that works out. Well, did you notice that her new boyfriend has the voice of Jax
Starting point is 00:27:48 like if you listen to it he sounds exactly like Jax yeah go back and listen you'll hear it's like Jax talking makes me nervous I know so is that all that happened it was kind of I mean it was just sort of like
Starting point is 00:28:02 to be busy her gay husband oprah and gates and that's all i wrote that's all she wrote for this one y'all anything else happened on this i do wonder this i remember um a few years ago a few seasons ago uh ramona and jill zarin wound up at like a funeral i think there's there were at some funeral where like one of their friends had died. I wonder if it was Dorinda's husband because her second husband had died and Ramona had said that she was close to them. I just can't
Starting point is 00:28:31 remember and I was too lazy to look it up. So that's something for the people of the podosphere to think about and maybe research for us. Well, I will say this to end on this beautiful show. When it ended, I was like, oh, it's over? And that hasn't happened with a Housewives show in years.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Yeah. I was like, oh, it's already over? That sucks. Yeah. No, it was, of course, 30 hours from now, you know, like in Housewives time. I don't know that I'll be thinking that. I'll probably be like, oh, Jesus. Yeah. thinking that, I'll probably be like, oh, Jesus. Yeah, and by the way, just so you know, everyone knows,
Starting point is 00:29:05 generally, the Real Housewives of New York will be on our second episode of the week, but since our schedule is messed up this week because I was flying yesterday, we just figured we'd throw in Real Housewives of New York City right now. Yeah, get it moving along, guys.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Get us back on track over here. So why don't we move on to you want to move on to melbourne let's move on to melbourne uh that show every time i watch it i laugh and laugh ben yeah uh even my even so i was in new york over the weekend and uh my mom my mom doesn't like any of these shows but even my mom was like you know you know these women, the Melbourne ones, are just slightly classier than the other women that I've had to watch. I think they just have an accent. Yeah, I was like, I hate to break it to you, Mom, but they're just as bad as us. They're just as awful.
Starting point is 00:29:59 They just have a bad accent, so it makes them sound classier. Yeah. They're not Americans, so we automatically give them more respect. And everything in Australia costs more money, so we're like, they must be better than us. Yeah. So I wrote down a whole bunch of notes, but I honestly can't remember anything that happened.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Oh, I wrote down lots of them. Good, you're going to be at the mercy of my notes. Well, I have lots of notes, too. I just have to, like, get the old brain kick-started so I can remember what everything is. My first note is Petty Fleur wants to jump her son. Oh my god. That
Starting point is 00:30:30 was the most awkward. Well, she wants to sell him to the fucking clerk in the store too. She's like, look at my son. Isn't he handsome? Don't you want to stick your finger in his bum? Look at his bum. Look at his bum. Look at it. He's got a gorgeous bum. Awkward. He has a gorgeous bum. know it's funny i was at an indian restaurant on monday and the waitress i was like gosh her accent
Starting point is 00:30:54 like something sounds so familiar about it and i discovered she was indian by way of australia so i was like oh that's where that accent is that's, that's her. I can't do her accent yet. And I would try and learn it, but she's so insufferable to me that it's hard for me to not fast forward. She's the Candy Burris of Australia. An accent, a voice that just cannot be mimicked. Yeah. Her accent is so weird. I can't. Yeah, see, it's like Yolanda.
Starting point is 00:31:21 She's like, si, no, koala bears. Si, no koala bears. See, now didgeridoos. See, now airs rock. Well, she's trying to make her son successful by buying him a $10,000 suit. I'm not sure how that's going to work out. Especially if he just got a new job and he's only got one suit he's gonna be a ten thousand dollar suit gonna smell like bo just as much as a ten dollar suit okay bitch that's right yeah that was eight thousand dollars that's that's a lot yeah that's nuts don't give an eight thousand dollar suit to a 22 year old
Starting point is 00:32:00 jesus uh then petty floor talks about how difficult her life was growing up poor and how she blah blah blah her son is so lucky to have her as a mother and i'm like man if you are this unbearable on tv when you're watching yourself imagine what she's like at home that cannot be good oh yeah no i can't i can't with pettyur. And her son has that kind of handsomeness that only rich people have. Because if he was poor, he wouldn't be handsome. But there's something about the fact that he's so confident because he's rich that he has that sparkle in his eye that makes him hot. Yeah, even despite his emo hairstyle. Yeah, you know, he's young.
Starting point is 00:32:40 But you look at him and he's got the glimmer of a rich person. Suddenly that makes him, he's got like healthy sheen or something. Like rich sheen. It makes him more attractive. But he also has the butt that only a mother could love and does love. Ugh, creepy. Touch it. Do you want to touch it?
Starting point is 00:32:56 Yeah, touch his butt. Yeah, touch it. Put your finger in there. Oh, yes. Switch the bitch. And by switch the bitch, I mean touch my son's butt. I mean switch my son on his bitch butt. Yeah, let's make my son a bitch.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Let's do it. Earn that suit, son. Earn that suit. That wasn't bad, right? Earn this. Actually, it's coming to me. Earn this. It's basically like you sort of have to do like an Indian accent and then like tweak it a little bit.
Starting point is 00:33:18 Yeah, I'm going to put my penis in you, son. Do you like that? You are lucky because in my neighborhood, nobody was allowed to put their finger in their son like I do for you, son. I taste you like that you are lucky because in my in my neighborhood nobody was allowed to put their finger in their son like i do for you son i taste you like a cupcake batter i came from a very difficult beginnings i had a very difficult childhood where i had no son whose butt i could touch but now i have a son whose butt i can touch but let's touch son. Not everyone can have a son whose butt they can touch. And I did not
Starting point is 00:33:49 have that son until, you know, recently in the past 22 years. Okay, so let's move on. Gina and Gamble who are both becoming my favorite people really fast because Gamble's crazy and Gina is still taking no fucking prisoners, which I love. She's a bit of a fan.
Starting point is 00:34:10 They go to some fashion show, but it's not a fashion show. They're donating clothes to be auctioned off, and Gina has this weird miniskirt dress thing, but not. It's a miniskirt in the front, but a dress in the back. It's like a's a mini skirt in the front but a dress in the back it's like a housewives jewels all over the front type of dress and some gay couple some gay couple buys it for like six thousand dollars or something and she's like well you know i don't know what they're gonna do with it but i guess we can imagine no her technically what she said was i don't know what they're gonna do with the dress but i could perish a few thoughts i love that i could perish a few thoughts oh and gamble yeah gamble is basically following her around like a little puppy dog but i love that gina just says that
Starting point is 00:34:58 she's like well you know i like gamble but she's a bit of a fan yeah yeah i was like i really appreciate your help with Janet. And she did say that. She did say appreciate again. I was like, hee hee. Oh, Gina! Yeah, you're selling
Starting point is 00:35:13 your dress! Gina! I'm so proud of her! I'm going to bid on your dress and then I'm going to, I really appreciate your dress
Starting point is 00:35:24 and I'm going to wear it when I get to walk my dog, and I'll go, walkies, walkies! Gina! Gina, I'm so proud of you for having a dress. It's so amazing. Look how you have a dress, Gina.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Gina's dress went up there, I bid on it, and then all these people started bitting. I didn't lie to anybody around Melbourne. Bitting on the dress. My camel voice is just going to get weirder every week. My camel voice is just going to get weirder every week. Every time this show is on, I try and do it with her to learn it. And I just start laughing harder every time.
Starting point is 00:36:13 Because it gets harder. It's like her upper face does not move. The writer did this. It does not move. Your upper face ain't moving. For some reason, I just feel like she reminds me of a rubber band being strummed or something like that. It's more candy now. Candy bears. It's like someone's vacuuming and it goes...
Starting point is 00:36:40 Sounds like a race... Sounds like a very small race car, like someone's racing a scooter. Sounds like a very small race car, like someone's racing a scooter. I also love this scene when Gina's like, listen, I've always got time for Chica. But, you know, Chica sits on the fence and it takes a lot of bravery to get involved in some business that's not yours. What are you talking about? Like a soldier because you're getting involved in everybody else's business. She's a bit of a fence sitter.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Well, let me tell you something about that fence. That fence is made out of cards. And your whole deck of cards is going to come down, Chica. Chica's going to be sitting on a pile of cards all over the ground ground cards you know what they're going to look like they're going to look like tiles they look like tiles that don't go together and then shaker's just going to be on a pile of cards that don't go together right and misplaced tiles no one wants a game of memory that's not finished are they a lot of overlapped tiles not set out neatly like a kitchen.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Angie is texting us. What shows should she watch for tomorrow? Because tomorrow's special guest is Miss Angie Thomas from the Rough Biscuits podcast. Is it Rough Biscuits? Small Potatoes. Small Potatoes. Oh, Rough Biscuits. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:38:01 Small potatoes Rough biscuits, that's funny Well tomorrow Tomorrow's show we'll be discussing Beverly Hills and Southern Charm And Shaz the Sunset Let her know that And that's a little advertisement for tomorrow's show Okay so next thing on this real half swipes
Starting point is 00:38:21 Of Melbourne Next on the real half swipes of Melbourne Hair's and tiles Speed dating with Janet On this Real Housewives of Melbourne. Next on the Real Housewives of Melbourne. House of Tiles. Speed dating with Janet. Oh, Lord, girls. Every date with Janet is like a speed date. She's like a milk with an expiration date on it.
Starting point is 00:38:40 You better drink that shit fast because it's about to turn to cheese. So I believe one of her questions that she asked was, if aliens came and invited you to their planet, would you go? Janet, that's just not the best way to... 80s speed dating. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? If you were a Sharpie marker, would you be easy to wash out of a shirt or difficult? If you were a blazer, would you be three buttons or two? If you were a mailman, would you drive to every mailbox or would you park on the corner and walk to each?
Starting point is 00:39:20 If you were a box of Special K, would you be original flavor or that new one that has the chocolate in it? If you were a mosquito net in Africa, would you keep out all the mosquitoes or would you let one in just to be naughty? If you were a plant, would you rather be a potted plant that just sits on a table, or would you like to be a hanging plant in a plastic thing? She's so ridiculous. And I love that the men coming on to her, there's like the obvious gay guy who's like, I teach women to cum for 15 minutes. And she's like, really? How do you do that, darling? She's like the Australian cocoon. She's like the Australian cocoon where all the old ladies get youthful again and start boning everything.
Starting point is 00:40:13 I like the Indian guy who, he's like a dog lover. He was sexy, I thought. She should have gone out with him. She probably will. I mean, God bless her. She's like, why would I go out with somebody my own age age i don't want to be pushing people around in a wheelchair i'm like uh janet you're 50 remember aren't you like 53 yeah you're showing your lies janet if you had to be a wheelchair would you be a wheelchair that had an engine on it or one they had to push with your own hands. If you were a walker,
Starting point is 00:40:46 would you be a walker with wheels on the front or with tennis balls? Or would you just be a plain walker so everybody could hear you scraping down the hallway like a naughty boy? If you had to drink a beverage, would it be prune juice or cranberry juice? Explain.
Starting point is 00:41:09 If your pee could smell like anything, would it be Starbucks or roses or just regular pee like a naughty boy? Like, stop trying to pretend to be horny over every little thing that's happening. She's like, what makes you cry? And he's like, animal abuse. She's like, oh, yes, it's all about the animals. Oh, I feel like we're kindred spirits now. We're kindred spirits because we care about the animals. Oh, look at the dog.
Starting point is 00:41:43 You love dogs, too. I love dogs, i love dogs too i think i'm gonna marry him and i'm like jackie's with her and she's like shine shine shine you know you're gonna get with guy and then the guy's gonna be you know i'm gonna tell you who's good and who's not that one's full of crap that one's gay that one's sad she's like the angels are telling me that one's gay like no it's probably the lipstick that he's wearing. She's like, actually, you've given my angel a boner. And so it's really difficult for my angel to concentrate because he's got a boner for you, Janet. Janet, why don't you hook up with my boner, my angel boner? Shine, shine, Janet.
Starting point is 00:42:20 From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear
Starting point is 00:42:50 a little less, and a little bit more. She is a heroine to some, as a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's
Starting point is 00:43:30 ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school
Starting point is 00:44:01 where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death follow academy on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus angels are telling me that that man is indian does she have a um she has bigger boobs this year right i mean i'm sorry that's so shallow to talk about but jackie's got some big old boobs right probably yeah i didn't look at those i just keep they keep like coming into my uh my frame my frame of vision i'm like wait did she always have those i mean i don't really look at boobs but i just keep looking at them so i'm just i don't know i'm just i'm being andy at a reunion my only hi chica hi janet hi jackie love the new boobs my only issue with jackie is that she's like really overdoing this shine shine shine thing
Starting point is 00:45:01 like anytime she like walks into him she's like oh shine shine oh well i like this dress this makes me feel all shine shiny inside and i'm gonna shine on the shoes yeah all right shine shine i'm gonna shine yeah yeah um yes it's her yes we can yeah um but less important um let's see okay old lady questions pool boy, cruelty to animals, lunch with Petty Floor. Oh, okay. So then the ladies go to lunch. Who was at lunch with Petty Floor where they're talking about Nouveau Riche? And she's like, what is my name? What is my Barbie name?
Starting point is 00:45:40 If her name is blah, blah, blah, then what is I? And they said, oh, you're nouveau riche, Barbie. She's like, what is this, nouveau riche? You don't know what nouveau riche is. You're talking about how you're one of the smartest people in the world, bitch. New money, what do you think it is? I think she was with Chica and someone else, maybe Jackie. And I think Petty Fleur.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Jackie was in every scene, actually, today. Yeah, I feel like Petty Fleur was just like, so? Now, tell me what they've been saying about me. I'm like, oh god, this woman's looking for a fight. She's like, have they been talking about my son with a beautiful bum? Do they want to touch it? Nouveau riche,
Starting point is 00:46:16 does that mean I'm newly rich with a bum of a son? I become wealthy with my son's bum? Why didn't she call me woman with a gorgeous son with a finger in his butt, Barbie? How about extremely sexy son, Barbie? How about bouncing her baby boy up and down on her lap, Barbie? How about staring at my son while he is in the bathroom, showering to the crack of the door, Bobby?
Starting point is 00:46:51 How about hidden camera in my son's toilet, Bobby? How about accidentally walking into his bedroom while he is masturbating and then saying, oh, my apologies. I did not realize that this was not my bedroom. And then he says, mom, why are you still standing here? And I say, oh, I didn't realize. I'm so sorry. Let me go. Bobby.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Okay, so she's all pissed off. Okay, so the new ones, you know, you got to respect the new girls this year because the girls in Melbourne are hungrier than the girls in America. In America, they're like, wow, I hope that I can be on Housewives long enough to get my, you know, new line of glasses going. And in Melbourne, they're like, we better fight or we're fired. You know, like they come on and they are ready to rumble. Petty Floor is ready to take down anybody who she even meets. Like this bitch is just ready
Starting point is 00:47:45 for a fight and so is gamble so that makes it kind of annoying to watch but they're very funny on it yeah well it's funny because chica once again was put in the position of being the gossip and she was like she's like well gamble called you you know she called you uh nouveau riche barbie but you know it's really it's i don't really see why it's a bad thing you know because you know it's not you know it means that you've come up in the world so i think it's rather a lovely thing to say about someone yeah it's just you know you earned your money so that money is new because you earned it so i think what she meant to call you was good for you barbie because that's the way to do it you know you come into this country you came from a poor town and then you made it happen for yourself i mean look at your son in an eight thousand
Starting point is 00:48:24 dollar suit you know old money doesn't do that so congratulations new money all right that was a You came from a poor town, and then you made it happen for yourself. I mean, look at your son in an $8,000 suit. You know, old money doesn't do that. So congratulations, new money. All right? That was a compliment. Gamble just likes you. She wants to be your friend. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Let's all go hang out with Brucie. She's always trying to make everything okay. You know, Hitler wasn't that bad of a guy. He just wanted to make sure the Jews had a shower. You know, he just had a vision. You know, he had a vision. You can't fault him bad of a guy. He just wanted to make sure the Jews had a shower. He just had a vision. He had a vision. You can't fault him for having a vision. I mean, who doesn't want a nice neighborhood?
Starting point is 00:48:51 He's very ambitious. You can't fault him for having ambition. In my house, that's called goal setting. And we approve of that. We approve of goal setting. You get a gold star on the refrigerator every time you achieve a goal. Isn't that right, Brucey?
Starting point is 00:49:02 goal setting. You know, you get a gold star on the refrigerator every time you achieve a goal. Isn't that right, Brucey? Every time Brucey buys me a pashmina, he gets a gold star. Every time I can get past Brucey's mangina, I get a gold star. You see, it works both ways there. Sometimes life takes a little digging. A little digging
Starting point is 00:49:22 and a little pulling. But it eventually works. life takes a little digging a little digging and a little pulling but it eventually works okay so they uh with manginas lately i don't know why i think because i'm losing weight and i'm like uh when are you gonna go down so let's see oh so then we have the psychic the stupid jackie sunshine all right we need to have a meeting with the model people because I'm going to know who I want to do for the la mascara. We need a model. I don't care how she looks on the outside.
Starting point is 00:49:52 I care what she looks like on the inside. So I want pictures of spirits. I want you to give me pictures of spirits. Just get a spirit camera and take pictures of their insides. I want selfies without makeup, and I just want to see souls. All right? Poor model people. Well, this one looks...
Starting point is 00:50:10 And they're like... And the modeling woman's like, oh, I like this one. I think you'll like this one. Just something about sad about her. She's like, oh, yeah, she's been sad. She feels real sad. I feel like...
Starting point is 00:50:20 I almost want to cry. I almost want to cry. There's a sadness about it. The angels are telling me she's sad. It's like, this one, this one really wants to make it in the modeling agency, but everybody's telling her no. But she doesn't take no for an answer. And she just keeps coming back and coming back again. You know, we're going to call her in.
Starting point is 00:50:34 We're going to call her in because she's not getting a chance. Oh, and look at this one. This one had a Kit Kat this morning. I can tell she had a Kit Kat. You know, I love Kit Kats. Let's bring her in. This one farts the smell of cupcakes. I can tell that. And I'm going to bring that in because that had a Kit Kat. You know, I love Kit Kats. Let's bring her in. This one farts the smell of cupcakes. I can tell that.
Starting point is 00:50:46 And I'm going to bring that in because that's a special gift. You know, only angels can make you fart cupcakes like that. You know, most people smell like rotten fish or whatever. But this girl's got it. Shine, shine, darling. Shine, shine. This one here has been involved in a pyramid scheme. I can tell.
Starting point is 00:51:01 She feels guilty. I think we should bring her in. She uh clairol a shampoo into little makeup bottles and selling it as a pyramid scheme she's going to jail i'm gonna get this one in jail call the police right now um i love that her and her kinky ass husband are always looking for models for something because last year didn't they have a thing where they were looking at burlesque dancers oh yeah that's right they're always looking at burlesque dancers? Oh, yeah, that's right. They're always looking at hot chicks together. I like that.
Starting point is 00:51:27 They're kinky. That's true. She's like, look at my husband. You know, he's like little tiny Johnny Depp. He's like little Johnny Depp if Johnny Depp was being played by Danny DeVito in a Lifetime movie with no budget. Isn't he? It's so hot, isn't he? Shine, shine, darling.
Starting point is 00:51:40 Yeah, stick it in me. I almost want to cry. I feel sadness about it. I feel sadness about Ben in Silver chair silver chair um all right so what's next here hungry insecure yeah i was just saying hungry insecure dinner i just the next thing the next thing i have is i don't even i remember the context of it i just have gamble colon it's hard it's hard to be cuter than my wolf pup. Why did she say that? Why did she say that? Because I don't remember, but I think she's talking about how everybody had to show up at this couple's dinner and no one brought couples. And she's like, maybe they're ashamed of their men because not everyone can have a man as cute as my wolfie, my little wolfie pup.
Starting point is 00:52:22 Oh, wolfie. cute as my wolfie my little wolfie pop oh wolfie everybody can have a wolfie like my little wolfie he's like all right gamble i think maybe now you should calm down a little bit gamble just went crazy for no reason first of all petty floorettifor is like, Gamble, I hear you call Barbies. What kind of Barbie am I? And she's like, I call you no Barbies, Barbie. That was great fun. She's like, oh, because you are from money, you are from old money. It's like, yes, my father had a place in Palm Beach, on the beach, because he sold artwork based on dolphins.
Starting point is 00:53:09 So he was rich. Rich enough. Right? Rich enough. The house is big. Palm Beach. You're, I think, overlooking the best part of their argument, which is when they go, I've heard you've been saying horrible things about me.
Starting point is 00:53:24 I've heard you've been... Then she's like, I've heard you've been saying horrible things about me. I've heard you've been... Then she's like, I've heard you've been saying horrible things about me. I'm not stupid, are you? Are you? Are you? Are you? No.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Are you? No. Well, sometimes I am. Oh, then you proved my point. It's like, oh, you two are idiots. You're both stupid, okay? It's a draw. I'm going to go back to Wolfie right now.
Starting point is 00:53:44 That was funny. She's like, I'm going to go back to wolfie right now that was funny yeah she's like i'm gonna go back to my friends like okay you do that then um yeah they're just trying to start shit with anybody but then it turned to janet was talking to wolfie and how did she even get on janet why did she start with her oh i don't know don him that. It's because you called me a prostitute. And she's like, I did not. Yes, you did. You called me a prostitute and a dick-swallowing whore. And then you said my vagina was like a Holland Tunnel,
Starting point is 00:54:15 which isn't even in Palm Beach where my grandfather is. The Holland Tunnel is not even in Palm Beach or in Holland. Please use a geographically correct tunnel. Gamble, darling. Gamble, calm down, Gamble. Settle down, sweetie. I think I'd like to leave. I think I'd like to leave. No, we're not leaving. I see what you're doing. Whatever you'd like to do, Gamble.
Starting point is 00:54:35 You need to calm down, darling. And then Rick was like, Oh, I was a bit of a peacemaker. I was a bit of a peacemaker, I think. Good for you, Rick. Good for you. And then... Then Singing Waiters came out.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Oh, no. Then we have the Lydia thing, which was really sad. And Lydia's like, I just went to my son's wedding, and it was so gorgeous because, you know, it was a wedding. And, you know, I could really see that it was my son because when he got up there to do his own vase, they didn't make any sense. They weren't, they were English words, but they weren't stringed together properly. And I thought to myself, that's me coming out in my son, because sometimes I just don't speak words right. And, you know, when I lost my son, when I was 21, I gave birth to a dead son and everyone's like, oh, yeah. and so now he's like two sons up there getting married and so i was watching two sons up there getting married and then someone starts laughing
Starting point is 00:55:30 laughing at the dead son story no what happened was that gamble was like smiling at wolfie and then jackie was like stop snickering but i actually didn't think that gamble was making fun of the moment i think gamble was having a moment and then gina was like g Jackie was like, stop snickering. But I actually didn't think that Gamble was making fun of the moment. I think Gamble was having a moment. And then Gina was like, she's having a moment with a partner. Back off. Yeah, I don't know what that is. And, yeah, Gina was about to kill somebody. That was so sad watching Gina, I mean, watching Lydia cry.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Because I just figured she didn't have any emotions. Yeah, no, that was sad that she had a stillborn but also kind of a weird toast yeah like maybe let's save the dead baby stuff for like a lunch i don't know it's like there's there's about to be fat singing waiters so let's shove the baby story shove the baby story and then gamble was so trying not to say anything mean and they're like so what did you think about the story gamble and she's like well you know women have rough lives and you know a lot of times if you looked into women's lives they'd be rough there's a lot of tragedy in a woman's life and i don't think people appreciate that very much
Starting point is 00:56:40 meanwhile when this when the waiters came out and started singing Janet was like oh these waiters they're just so wonderful I'm sorry I'm still doing my Gamble voice I can't help it it's hard they're so different this year it's really hard to differentiate it's hard to transition from like Gamble to Janet
Starting point is 00:56:59 I honestly can only do Jackie and Lydia right now with confidence the other ones just sound crazy. I think I got better with pedophore today, but it's going to take a long time. And Janet, I can't even do Janet anymore because she's too close to Gamble. And I can't do Gamble because she's too close to Dr. Ruth Westheimer and also the chick from Married to Medicine, Tanya. Yeah, Toya. Toya, Toya, Toya.
Starting point is 00:57:22 When I cut her there, when I cut Toya, Toya, Toya. What I thought of there was... No, but the best is so that the waiters start singing and then everyone's like, oh, they're so beautiful. Their voices are so amazing. And my mom just like turns and goes, goes and be like, oh, he's awful.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Well, that was annoying. Mom did not approve of the wait. What's the place that used to have singing waiters? I used to be like, really? Why don't you guys focus on the food? Is it Michelli's? Chili's? Michelli's.
Starting point is 00:57:51 Michelli's. Oh, I don't know. There's some place here that has singing waiters, and they're terrible. It's like, really? You're a white girl. You cannot be singing from once on this island, okay? Mama will not provide for you. Get out. So what I thought was strange was that janet then by the end of this dinner janet like she made some comment that she was like
Starting point is 00:58:13 looking forward to hanging out with like petty fleur or something like that so i'm like oh i thought that janet hated petty fleur but i guess that she likes her now they just keep switching they can't decide what they're doing i love that that Gina's just trying to pick a fight at this point with Sunshine. Because Sunshine's like, oh, so you got a new house? Did you get someone in there with some sage or something? You know, like a psychic, you know, because I'm a psychic. And I don't like spirits in my house. And Gina's like, no, I don't believe in that.
Starting point is 00:58:37 Sage is stupid. I don't like the way it smells. I don't believe in witchery. So I think it's all stupid. And if I don't want spirits in my house i just go in there and tell them get out of here spirits because i said so and then they leave i looked that spirit right into his ghost eyes and i said get out of my house and they go i don't need all this burning of satan get that spirit out of my house right this minute to jackie's credit she didn't get mad she was like
Starting point is 00:59:05 you just discredited what i do for a living how do you do that you know we're on television this could hurt my career you know this could hurt my professional business jackie was just like whatever you old cow i don't care what you think anymore yeah and then the end was chica meeting with gamble with their dogs and that's when gambleble's going, walkies, walkies. I know she learned one trick. One trick she's learned. Yeah. This is how I teach my dogs to walk.
Starting point is 00:59:32 I say, walkie, walkie, and then I give him a treat. Look, if you put it on their nose, they sit down. Oh, everybody in Melbourne knows that's how Chica's dog. It's like, dude, your dog learned how to sit last week. Okay. It's not like your dog is Lassie, for Christ's sake. Chica's like, every time that Brucie takes the dogs to Saks Fifth Avenue, they get a treat. Every time that Brucie takes the dogs to Saks Fifth Avenue, they get a treat.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Speaking of a treat, I'm cleaning out a drawer while we're doing this, darling. Which is why you can hear joy, pure joy on my end. And I just pulled out two things. I pulled out breath spray that says, understand your mother instantly without having to meet with her or talk to her. And I guess it's like peppermint breath spray. I don't get it. But then also I got something that Katie Cazorla gave me last time she came over. Streisand Partners.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Which her husband, not David, not David made for. Yeah. He won a gram for that. Not David Foster. I don't know if he won a grams. Probably. We'll know next time Katie's on.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Katie, come back to the five and dime. Katie, Katie. Katie C, Katie C. Yeah. All right, so dog training. And my other favorite thing was the Janet lunch where she was making fun of Gamble and saying, you know, she says old money, but she doesn't know the difference because she's got no money. And she's like, just like this song says,
Starting point is 01:01:09 I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke person. Doesn't rhyme, Janet, actually. You've ruined the song. Janet does Kanye West's new album, Hitting Stories, this fall. The whole thing. That's the next thing that not David Foster needs to work on. Please listen to my new song called Persons in Paris.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Oh my god What's your order? Fish filet? We've got a lot to get to on this podcast Ben, so we need to get moving along It's an hour we've done here now Alright, so what do you want to do next? Blood, sweat and heels Or would you like real Housewives of Atlanta?
Starting point is 01:02:07 Well, let's do Atlanta Because I took notes on that And I didn't take notes on Blood, Sweat, and Heels And not much happened on either one of them But that's okay Yeah, alright, I'm dancing to it So Atlanta, I actually watched with my dad Which, my dad was, you know
Starting point is 01:02:22 My dad was amused by the whole thing he thinks it's ridiculous and at one point when the women were like i guess talking about who knows what my dad just turns me goes these insights um but he did laugh he he my dad definitely laughed when when phaedra said i haven't called you a whore this year i called you satan but I haven't called you a whore this year. I called you Satan, but I didn't call you a whore. So we start with Kenya's booty coming out of the pool. That's a sight that does not need to be seen, okay? That shit still had the price tag hanging off of that.
Starting point is 01:03:04 There are many guys who would disagree with you. I mean, I guess. But that thing looks like it could crack your walnuts right away. Turn them into walnut juice. I mean, it's no Petty Floor's son, but it'll do. So they move on
Starting point is 01:03:20 to the city on their vacation, and they get a butler, blah, blah,ler blah blah blah costumes moose fitting at cinderella so by the way porsche has now officially graduated to drag queen status like when they when they all moved to manila when they drove left the farm and went to manila porsche is looking officially drag queen now well you know you got to keep those african men happy they expect a certain level of wiggery yeah I did enjoy
Starting point is 01:03:47 the scenes with Nini getting the costume design I'm sorry costume fitting and then Greg is like you'd sell real well down in Atlanta all this booty and he starts doing all these twerk twerking booty
Starting point is 01:04:02 and this old gay guy is just like what are you doing he's like um okay he's like Sherry Shepard did not do this he's like someone get me a Zima yeah he was not having
Starting point is 01:04:24 he was not having the moose fitting I love that when Greg walked in the room he's like, someone get me a Zima. Yeah, he was not having the moose fitting. I love that when Greg walked in the room, he's like, wow! Like, whoa, Greg, all right? Try and hide it a little bit. Bring it in. Well, I think... Torch off, Hobbit, Hobbit house. Oh, that Phaedra thing.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Like, I love little people. And then they were... She's like, I want to go to the Hobbit house. I got a thing for little people. Yeah. This whole episode was really weird. A lot of my notes have twerk off and then question mark and Phaedra. But is it appropriate?
Starting point is 01:04:54 I'm like, really, Phaedra? You were fucking some guy who just got out of jail to have your babies. And then you got him thrown back in jail again. Who are you calling appropriate? You're having sex with some some some hooker named chocolate yeah well that's it that's all i have to say i have yeah i have i had that i made a note about the hobbits too that was odd and then i have a note that says goodbye montage for nini it looked like it looked like there was a goodbye montage for nini when she's like if i look back on all where i've come from and they show like it was showed an extended montage of Nini throughout the years doing things.
Starting point is 01:05:30 Also, Nini just being awful, pretty much. Yeah. It wasn't any of her fun stuff. It was like, look, here's Nini screaming, I'm rich, bitch, at Sharae. Yeah. And being chased out and called toilet lid teeth. Oh, look, there's Nini making an ass out of herself again like it was like this i kind of felt bad for her and i i kind of had the same feeling too which was i was
Starting point is 01:05:52 which is why i was extremely annoyed to read this story that's come out the path that came out today actually um they're claiming that nini leaks has been given a huge raise to stay on uh atlanta she's already making over a hundred i mean she's already making over a million an episode from what i hear or is it a million a year what does she mean it must be a million a million a million an episode is like yeah that's like friends money yeah she's making like a million over a million a year and she's already the highest paid housewife. And she's going to be getting even more to come back. Now, of course, this is Radar Online pointing this out, which is usually wrong.
Starting point is 01:06:34 And says things like Teresa Giudice is going to get a spinoff behind bars, which is totally false. So who knows? Nene Leakes is, she's done. No one likes her. I mean, Bravo is, they're not idiots. They can see where the buzz is. And they're also cheap as hell. And if Nene is being difficult to work with and she's no longer a fan favorite, there's no reason for them to keep her.
Starting point is 01:06:58 I think at this point she won't even film with anybody. film with anybody so because this article also mentions that she's even going to get bigger bonuses which katie's told us when she's on the show that these ladies actually get bonuses for fights and wars like whenever there's a war or a fight they actually get paid more money for it which explains why nini's always trying to start fights over nothing because that just wants money but then the fact that she didn't go on on this trip with them is like a big deal. I think that Bravo – I can't imagine that Bravo was happy about that. And they're editing it to make it look like that Nene was like at her Broadway fitting while this was happening. But I don't believe that that's necessarily the case.
Starting point is 01:07:37 Like it's totally conceivable that they just edited it together to make it look that way. I think that like not going on the trip is is definitely bad news and then when you get like a goodbye montage to go with it that's dangerous i mean what would drive me but they did give her a spinoff so that would be pretty ballsy of them to fire her but i think she's just kind of sick of doing it too don't you i think so too she seems like she's well she's she is easily frustrated and she just she's sick of doing it because she's no longer the star that she once was in the sense that like other members of have come up like kenya who have totally rivaled her for like fan favorite or just like sort of like
Starting point is 01:08:17 the face of the real housewives yeah um but i think that um you know what frustrates me about nini is that this was actually a very peaceful trip. And it was peaceful and everyone got along. And you'd hope that Nini would watch this and say to herself, like, oh, gosh, maybe I am the problem. Maybe I – They don't do that. Instead, what she does is she's going to watch it and be like, and see, because I wasn't there, it was a boring-ass trip, right? Because who knows if I – that's how she – And it actually was, and it was because I wasn't there, it was a boring ass trip, right? Because, you know, that's how she.
Starting point is 01:08:45 And it actually wasn't. It was actually really fun to watch. Like, it was actually a really fun episode. Now that they're all getting along, they were being hilarious. I laughed through the whole thing. I might not just say LOL a lot. It'll be like riding a horse, LOL. And Phaedra's like, now, can I speak to you, please?
Starting point is 01:09:01 Horse, horse renter guy. Because this woman who was leading my horse was telling me about her sad story. About her husband dying. And how it's been so hard for her. And I thought, we have so much in common. Because my husband is in jail. After stealing cars and stealing identities and pretending to be other people. And taking tons of money from families like hers and making them broke.
Starting point is 01:09:27 It's like, your husbands have nothing in common, Phaedra, okay? And this woman doesn't even know English because you need a translator to tell her all this. Shut up, just give her your 20 and move on. And she's like, make sure the cameras can see me, give her this $20 or whatever she gave her. Please, it was like a blockbuster card. She's like, here, take this and enjoy all sorts of rentals she's like get two for one angel food cakes at ralph's for the next month here's the library card
Starting point is 01:09:53 here's some stamps before they raise the price you'll need to use two just to see your letters not sent back here's my quiznos card it It's brand new, so there are no punches yet. When you get there, you'll get a free sandwich. Here's one dollar off a breakfast sandwich at Starbucks if you've used this before April 14th.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Here's a Monopoly piece I got from McDonald's last year. I'm not sure if it's still going to be redeemed, but you might be able to get yourself a chicken sandwich. He's like, here's a monopoly piece i got from mcdonald's last year i'm not sure if it's like we redeemed but you might be able to get yourself a chicken sandwich he's like here's a horse handing back the horse she just yeah um yeah let's see here here's a coupon i found in the back of my clothing hanger and then the guy's like oh thank you so much for your gift because you know she's very shy it's very difficult for her to open up like how shy could she been she just told this woman her life
Starting point is 01:10:51 story on a damn horse who she's never met before with cameras i mean give me a like break that bitch ain't shy her husband's probably still alive at home she tells everybody that yeah um i like that porsche first of all porsche was like dressed like Pocahontas practically and I did I love that she was calling herself the princess of fought land that was cracking me up Portia's been very funny she's gonna get that little
Starting point is 01:11:18 peach back I think even though she hasn't fought with anybody I think she's gonna pull a Luan and get her they're punishing him now you know like luann got her her apple back or whatever yeah um well the biggest thing in the episode was kenya and phaedra finally having a sit down and this was preceded by phaedra calling her preacher because she just wants she's's like, listen, I just want the good Lord. And I just want to be as a, what does she say? I want to be like the wise virgin strong. I was like the wise virgin never gotten a knockdown drag out fight,
Starting point is 01:11:54 calling other people a whore lady. Okay. You do not have the same problem and you have never been a virgin. You haven't been a burden since eighth grade, but she's like, what should I do? And he's like, don't give away your, your beauty away your your beauty your inner beauty i'm like oh you two need to both shut up i loved when they showed the whore montage the fuck fader calling kenya a whore he's like i may have i may have called a whore in the past and they cut to like her saying it 25 times kenya more how how bad can you feel for ken i mean kenya is like playing this whole nice thing now and i have to give her credit it does work and it's worked many many times on
Starting point is 01:12:34 housewives shows where people just rehab their image in a season you forget all the shitty things they did but kenya immediately started shit with phaedra tried to charge her like a hundred thousand dollars for some shitty video. Then she stole her video idea. Then she fell all over herself flirting with her husband just to make Phaedra mad. Of course she's going to call her a whore. I mean, give me a break. I mean, I know Phaedra's like a bitch on wheels too, don't get me wrong,
Starting point is 01:12:58 but at least she's not pretending she's, well, yes, she is. But I guess Phaedra's always done that. She's always been like a whore in a church lady outfit, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. But Kenya's just trying to play this innocent thing like, You don't get... That was the best thing.
Starting point is 01:13:12 You don't get to call me a whore. You don't get to do that. Like, I haven't called you a whore this year. I've called you Satan. Meanwhile, the other girls are in the other room, and they're, like, looking at bitter melon, and I guess Portia's making comments about, like, masturbating with it. She's like, ooh, put that in the microwave.
Starting point is 01:13:32 Candy's like, ooh, put my fruit in the microwave. Candy's like, I ain't never heard of that. Well, yeah, because you sell dildos. Why would you recommend fucking a cucumber? See? No. Kegel balls. I love at the beginning of the Phaedra Kenya conversation when Phaedra's like, you know, when we first met, we were working on a friendship.
Starting point is 01:13:57 And the only clip they have of them is eating ice cream together going, mm, that's good. Mm, yes, that is good. Like, you did not have a friendship. You ate ice cream together going, that's good. Yes, that is good. You did not have a friendship. You ate ice cream one time. Let's see. Oh, and then she's like, well, would you come to church with me on Sunday?
Starting point is 01:14:14 And Kenya's like, how about we pray now? Okay, you two are both full of shit, but that was a cute scene and it will be nice to see them hang out together because we've learned on this show two bitches are magic together.
Starting point is 01:14:27 That's right. Right? Yes. Yes it is right. Good little partners. For now. It'll be interesting to see how Nini reacts. Well there you know you have to hand it to Claudia too because Claudia has basically walked
Starting point is 01:14:42 in stolen Porsche's job and is doing a pretty good job at completely discrediting Nene. Yeah. And she acts all nice. She's like, I'm just Claudia. I'm so nice. But she's really wreaked some havoc on the cast. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:57 I mean, all Nene did this episode was stand around in a big Renaissance dress. And then they were cutting from, like, praying and happiness and everybody hugging and getting along to meanie going if i ever hear twirl one more time don't tell me to twirl costume man and he's like what what did i do wrong and they had to like stop tape to tell him what that meant yeah he's like he was like kind of half laughing like oh okay then spin like bitch get out of here you were like the 30th heifer to get in this dress do you know how many times i've had to take this thing in and out okay i'm gonna have to add about a foot of fabric to the stomach of this dress because of you stop your fucking twerking get the hell out of my costume fitting room i like how he was trying to give her a pep
Starting point is 01:15:37 talk too he's like nini you are the active verb of this musical and And they cut to Greg with this look on his face like, what's a verb? She ain't active. What's a verb? What'd you call my wife? Call you a verb. She's like, that's right, I'm an active verb. I was, and I made my money. I did it for the money, honey.
Starting point is 01:16:00 I'm a rich bitch. My active verb. That's why I work my cousin Gerond the best part is the end because they showed clips of next week where they're working in a homeless shelter which is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen
Starting point is 01:16:16 is Nini in like a hairnet or some shit at a homeless shelter and Claudia's making her fight in the homeless shelter love it, cannot wait I love when can't wait for Claudia to take down Nini and Claudia's making her fight in the homeless shelter. Love it. Cannot wait. I love when... Can't wait for Claudia to take down Nini. Oh, yeah. She's not going to let her pass.
Starting point is 01:16:30 Nini's trying to pass so hard that she won't let her pass. So what's next? Blood, sweat, and heels. Cancer is uncomfortable. Okay, that's the moral of this story. Jesus, what is she doing on TV with stage three cancer? Daisy, lay down.
Starting point is 01:16:46 I know, Daisy, don't you remember what happened to Gene Siskel? Like, take a break. Have an app. Don't give me your job when it's all out of you. Yeah, you can't be, like, going up to Micah's place in
Starting point is 01:17:01 Harlem and walking up those stairs. You gotta like, just stay in Brooklyn and sit back and heal up, girl. If she dies of cancer on this show, I'm gonna be pissed. I know, it's like really scary. It's like it's really
Starting point is 01:17:18 it's like, honestly, when they were showing her getting chemo, I thought that was a very emotional scene. She's sitting there crying, getting the chemo and asking to be healed and the breathing coach is like let the medicine take you over but it was still you know it was it was just i don't know i felt i just felt so bad it was it was really it was teary it was a teary moment over it was in the carom home it was it was i don't know the poor girl she's she's so sunny and you know i mean i i definitely like had my my annoyances with her last year and i complained about who knows what
Starting point is 01:17:53 but at the end of the day you don't want to see someone with with cancer especially someone so young like daisy well on daisy is like stuff you make fun of daisy for isn't like being mean or being a catty bitch. It's just being silly, you know? It's like, my woman event on a rooftop in Brooklyn because women need to celebrate each other. My new book is coming out in five days. Shut up. Poor Daisy.
Starting point is 01:18:16 If you think about it, it's just been, like, a series of heartbreaking missteps and failures for her. I mean, there was that brunch which then everyone made fun of then she went on the date where she was late which was you know it sucks that she was late but then the guy made her cry at the table oh yeah that was like heartbreaking i mean she was late she shouldn't have been late but wow he really he really laid into her yeah it's a lot of uncomfortable moments with her. Yeah. And, you know, one positive thing about all of this is it goes to prove once and for all that a positive attitude doesn't mean shit. Okay?
Starting point is 01:18:55 So get off my ass about a positive attitude, okay? Because that's the most positive person I've ever seen. And she's gone through more shit in two years than anybody else I know personally, you know? So screw it. I'm going to keep my negative attitude. Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum is Melissa Ford, who I've actually always enjoyed Melissa on this show. Oh, she's got the second year curse of becoming a total, her bitch flower is blooming in the second year, for sure.
Starting point is 01:19:15 It's just more like this whole thing about this, like, I want to put my video vixen reputation to bed. Okay, here's an idea. How about you stop talking about it? Yeah, how about not make a musical about it to hold on to it, you weirdo? Yeah, exactly. For vixens who contemplated homicide when the video was too much. It's like you're never going to live it down if you keep on using it as your headline.
Starting point is 01:19:43 And then she's like, yeah, it's so weird that a job in a bikini, dancing sexually and twerking in music videos, and then guys like want to fuck me? It's like, I mean, have some respect. Come on, lady. It's like you can't be a car and then be surprised when someone tries to put a key in you, okay? But the play was hilarious.
Starting point is 01:20:06 Yeah. Because she was being such a diva about it, which was hilarious because it was in this tiny little theater. It was like the actor's thought theater. It cost $50 a night to go in there. Did you call it the actor's thought theater? What is it called? I forget. It's like the actor.
Starting point is 01:20:21 I was going to say the actor's gang, but I know it's not that. I thought you said the actor's thought, like T-H-O-T. I was like say the Actors gang but I know it's not that it's like I thought so when you said the actors Thought like THOT I was like ooh that's Real shady yeah That was definitely a mispeak No I don't know who yet but it was a tiny Little theater actually wasn't
Starting point is 01:20:38 That tiny but it was definitely a small Theater and As much as this musical Was like the worst thing ever i did kind of feel bad for her when they were just like one technical issue after another i mean sound blowing out and lights going off it was a total disaster i just i just came out of this thinking she was kind of an asshole honestly yeah like her mom came to town with who was that her aunt or her friend her aunt it's it's
Starting point is 01:21:05 yeah her aunt they're so funny together they were hilarious totally like just that they're her mother and her aunt you know they all look so different but she's like oh it's my mom and you know me and my mom i was closer with my dad growing up and me and my mom didn't really get along so you know that she's just kind of this kind of slutty or whatever like she turned into a video eviction you know her mother was horrified and she's like but my mother never really understood what i went through she never really saw what happened to me so this play is like opening up to my mother for the first time ever she's getting to see inside my heart i'm sure your mother was shocked that you were fucking people on the set of music videos i'm sure that that's coming as a huge shock to her
Starting point is 01:21:50 yeah that was really like the big secret is when she was like i'm a video star and then some guy came up and started like boning her from behind like that was like the big reveal yeah her mom did not look surprised yeah no uh if anything she just looks hot and bored yeah like everybody else i love that daisy was like you know that play was good but i'm not sure if the point was become a video vixen or don't become a video because she's like glamorizes it at the same time she's talking about like like, what a victim she is, you know? It's like you can't be proud and ashamed at the same time. Make up your mind.
Starting point is 01:22:29 Mm-hmm. I liked how before the play started, Micah and Demetria wound up, like, in the lobby together, standing right next to each other, just not talking. Micah's hilarious. Yeah. Micah is so so so funny i mean she just three is not at all she's just such an uptight downer bitch like she is there in a grumpy fat mood giving dirty looks with her little slitty eyes at everybody and micah she's like i've ever done in my life. Just standing there. She did this five-minute thing of impersonating them while they just stood there picking their teeth.
Starting point is 01:23:09 Well, they showed the footage at the same time. It was actually kind of brilliant. Here's the thing. I feel like Demetria is very smart. She's probably one of the smartest people on Bravo. But, man, she is just sour. She's just overly cynical. She's just like a bullfrog actually she's just like she's just like a
Starting point is 01:23:26 bullfrog you know it sort of sits there with like half open eyes and just stares at you and she's like well you know i don't like to hang around bad people you know because i'm a smart person and smart people need to be you know the last time i saw her she was trying to break down a door so you know rehab like you're just being a shallow mean bitch i mean you're sitting here talking about how above it you are but you're openly like when you're like what in the same row as her saying things like i can't with that i can't even look at that you know have a drink or whatever she's saying she's just like making all these snide little comments i don don't know. She's just annoying.
Starting point is 01:24:06 And you're also going up against the most loved person on the show. Yeah. And she knows that by now. So I'm not really sure what her deal is. But yeah, she's a sour girl. Yeah. I mean, she is dumb for going up against Micah. It's Micah, right?
Starting point is 01:24:23 Or is it Mika? Micah, right? for going up against Micah. It's Micah, right? Or is it Mika? Micah, right? And the thing is, I wish I could like talk more about
Starting point is 01:24:29 the things that Micah does, but they're so funny that it's just, it'd be the equivalent of being like, oh, remember when she did that? That was funny. Or you remember when she did that?
Starting point is 01:24:36 That was funny. She's just like funny the entire show. Yeah, she's too much. Like, my friends have shown up places and shown their vagina because they've gotten so drunk. Like, many times.
Starting point is 01:24:43 And yeah, sometimes it's annoying but you know I know they're crazy I just told my friends well they're crazy so whatever I mean I do think that Micah last year she should have at least acknowledged and apologized for being such a crazy drunk bitch now here's the thing that Demetria though to be fair Demetria still is
Starting point is 01:25:00 playing like she's a victim in all this she was like she's like I'm not talking to her she tried to break through a glass door to get to me i'm like are you seriously like yeah she's trying to make it sound like it was kujo and it's not yeah exactly it's not like she was coming at you with a knife like glenn close is here you know it's just it was just she was drunk and trying to talk to you it was like it was like the most benign thing. It's also hard to respect somebody when they're like, yes, because I'm doing my 50th novel
Starting point is 01:25:31 and it's self-published, which means I have to... Oh, yeah, that's what I love. It's like, oh, my God. Stop. Stop bragging. Yeah. Maybe if you sell a lot,
Starting point is 01:25:38 brag about that, but I mean... Yeah, it was like translation, she was dropped by her publisher. Totally. First book didn't sell well. She didn't sell enough. Yeah. And that's why anyone would self-publish.
Starting point is 01:25:49 Mm-hmm. But one other thing I wrote was Melissa going on that radio show. I know I'm going back to Melissa's side. Yeah, that's okay. That's all right. She started this show to go promote herself on the radio. And they're like, Melissa Ford, how you doing, baby? And she's like, oh, I'm so tired.
Starting point is 01:26:05 I'm doing so much. I hate people who do that. I hate that. They're so busy, but nobody else is. Nobody else does anything with their life. But she's like, oh, I'm so tired. And I'm like, well, save it for the show. Okay, so how's it going?
Starting point is 01:26:16 So it's about being a video vixen. And she's like, yeah, you know, it's like I became famous for being a video vixen. I'm like, a bunch of people jerking off to you. I mean, it's not like you won an Oscar. OK, but she's like, I became really famous and they wouldn't let me grow like. No one will let me grow. They won't let me be anything more than just a video vixen. Like the other day, I got a dildo in the mail.
Starting point is 01:26:41 Like, why aren't you talking about how you don't want to be a sex object? But then you're starting to talk about dildos like you just need to be quiet melissa okay and how many how many fucking properties have you even rented i'm not buying it with her she needs to clear her shit up yeah exactly melissa you are on probation you're very you're getting very dangerous dangerously close to being on our shit list yeah you're getting too big for your britches lady now meanwhile uh we also got our first taste of the two new cast members one was some girl named like chantal or shelly or shamoos or what was her name i don't even remember i didn't even write it down that's how interesting they were the british one i know is going to be fun because we saw see her telling people off at the end of the year yeah no she's the british one what's hilarious about her is that
Starting point is 01:27:27 she knows who the popular ones are so she comes as a guest of geneva and um dimitria and like as the moment the first chance that she gets to leave those two and run to micah she does it she like then she's like by by micah and daisy the entire night hanging out with them and then like dimitri and geneva like well we're going and she's like but we're exchanging rings now we're exchanging rings well who's gonna hang out with wesley snipes and sour you know sour sally when there's like fun people yeah i mean the girl with can't stage three cancer is more fun than you guys okay perk up yeah it's true like jesus christ she's having more fun than you losers get it together yeah and by the way it really bothered me that when daisy said hi to geneva and dimitria that
Starting point is 01:28:19 dimitrius didn't say hi back at all and And then later on, Demetrius, when she left, she was like, by the way, Daisy, you can say hi to me. It's okay. You can say hi to me. I'm like, shut up. She did say hi. I don't understand why all the women call me a monster. You know, I'm not a monster.
Starting point is 01:28:36 I'm just not going to put up with bullshit. It's like, you are a fucking monster. You come in. You give everybody dirty looks. You don't say hi. You're a bitch on purpose. You speak about them above your breath so everybody can hear you. You're an asshole, okay?
Starting point is 01:28:48 Own it. Just be an asshole. I mean, that's one good thing about people like NeNe. At least she's just like I'm an asshole. Like Brandi Glanville. She's an asshole. And she's like, yeah, I'm an asshole. We'll talk about Beverly Hills tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:29:00 But I love when she was, when Eileen's like, she said, Eileen, I admitted to you that I was an asshole and I said I was sorry. And Eileen goes, and then you kept being an asshole. And Bridie just nods yes, like, yeah. Turns away, like, that's a perfectly acceptable answer, you know? Because that's, she's, that's her thing, you know? She's a
Starting point is 01:29:20 dick. She's just a dick. We also met Arzo, who is sort of like, she's the Afghani lady we also met arzo who is sort of like she's she's the afghani lady she's kind of like the afghanistan's uh version of judy gold she's sort of like uh yeah that's a good call she uh what's funny about her is that like geneva's like oh afghani so so you're an arab and she's like no i'm afghani and she's like but i have a black boyfriend geneva's like, no, I'm Afghani. But I have a black boyfriend. Geneva's like, oh. Okay. Getting her cred in.
Starting point is 01:29:50 Yeah. Well, I think that the addition of the new ladies is going to be fun because they look like they came to party. Yeah, I think so. I feel like Arzo is going to be crazy and I feel like the British one is going to say some really stuck up things can't wait i do kind of miss the condescending nature of brie from last season but
Starting point is 01:30:12 that's okay but i love knowing that she's home feeling so above it all right now i think that's yeah exactly her parents house the hamptons yeah like could you believe we let that show film here in the Hamptons? It's a very exclusive community. I should have listened to you, Mommy. Well, I'm hearing an overhead delivery of sliders for MJ. Oh, it's time to go. I think that I'm going to go
Starting point is 01:30:39 try to traipse across the street and get myself a free slider. Do it, man. All right. Well, this has been fun. It sure has. Thanks, everybody, for listening. We will be back tomorrow with our second episode of the week covering Real Housewives of Beverly
Starting point is 01:30:54 Hills, Shaws of Sunset, and Southern Comfort with our special guest, Angie Thomas from the Small Potatoes podcast. What did you call it originally? Rough? The Rough Biscuits. I don't know where I got that. But we'll be back then please join us at patreon.com slash watch what crappens for our premium content and find us on facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crappens and of course uh find all of our social media links at watch what crappens.com and thanks so much for
Starting point is 01:31:23 listening thank you for everybody who is supporting this uh or even just listening you're supporting it so don't feel like i mean with money thank you everybody who gives us constant support and itunes reviews even when they're mad and we do take your constructive criticism lady who just wrote on there um and i asked ben to stop saying like so much. What happened? No, nothing. I'm just teasing. But if you haven't left a review,
Starting point is 01:31:51 go leave it unless you hate us and then please don't do that because we like good reviews and bad reviews are bad. Okay? No one likes a bad review. Okay? It's pretty simple. Bad equals bad.
Starting point is 01:32:00 So anyway, thanks for your support. Thanks for being here. This is amazing to be doing two times a week. Loving it. And we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.
Starting point is 01:32:18 The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. To the insurance company that did me wrong. I've moved on and I'm happily insured with
Starting point is 01:33:04 another. Bless your peep-picking heart. It was just never meant to be betwixt us. You gave me automobile insurance apprehension. And Geico has come along and in just 15 minutes given me new car insurance and made me as jubilant as a newborn lamb in springtime. And Paul has given Geico his approval. That's one thing you never had. Joyful with another.
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