Watch What Crappens - #176: A Tempest in Sydney

Episode Date: April 14, 2015

Darling, put on your finest frock because we're headed to Sydney. The ladies from Down Undah (aka "Real Housewives of Melbourne") have headed to Australia's most famous city, and Watch What Crappens is ready to analyze every detail. And we mean every. Ben Mandelker (@banterblender) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) get in DEEP with this week's episode ? from Tempest to Pettitfleur and every dumb feud in between. It's a foreign accent extravaganza. Plus, there's plenty of mockery for "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and "Blood, Sweat and Heels." Come listen and tell your friends! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is.

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Even lovelier to have you here. As always, you can find us on social media, primarily facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends. Super fun Facebook page. Tons of links and great things like that. But also, if you go to

watchwhatcrappens.com, all the links to Twitter and Instagram and all that other fun stuff. Of course, you can always support us by going to patreon.com forward slash watch what crap happens and get access to ringtones. Ronnie just put up a bunch of funny ones. And a monthly hangout. And most importantly, a bonus episode.

Get a full bonus episode every week. Oh, and also, the hangout is this Thursday night. Oh, actually, can we move? You forgot. I know. Wait, can we move it to next Thursday night? My brother's in town. Oh, okay.

Well, that'll give us more time to get it together. Because it takes so much organization. Yeah, it's going to be next week. I've been very high maintenance to Ronnie. I've been making him wait. It's okay. Delaying recordings. I like difficult people.

Difficult men. I still tweet at Matt Whitfield. Also, we're trying to get Matty Whitfield on the show, damn it. We need to get his schedule proper. Hopefully, he'll be on this week or next. Get that schedule proper. Matty. Actually, and something that we would like to do is we do want to do another live show.

We did not forget about it. We're starting to look into venues in the Los Angeles area. So if you live in the LA area and you have an idea of a venue that we could get for cheap or for free that could fit, you know, but, but, you know, between 30 and 50 people, um, let us know, email us, watch where crap and watch where crap is at gmail.com. We can just post on our Facebook page we'd love to know

because we would love to do a live show and we'll give more details as that comes together okay

cool I can't wait I'm texting Matt right now saying hey Pickle try and let me know yeah so hopefully he'll come

that'll be fun. Aw, pickle. So I think that's really all the important stuff that we have to talk about at the top of the show, right? And I think at this point we can get into the most important stuff, which is talking about Settlers of Catan, right? Yes, totally. I want to buy some sheep. Yeah, buy some sheep. yeah yes totally i want to buy some sheep yeah buy some sheep actually you know it's really funny and this this could be a segue into melbourne um is that i i had uh some friends over we played

this game called dead of winter last night and i played with two australians and i felt like i was in the real house i was in melbourne dead of winter i'm the kind of person that likes one board game and then just wants to play that all the time you guys have like you'll whip out five board games on game well many rules just just give me something to ronnie i'm gonna teach you dead of winter because i think after settlers of katan it's like my favorite board game and it's this thing it's like this cooperative game where you are playing um you are like trying to stave off a zombie apocalypse it's sort of like a walking dead kind of board game and i don't even like zombies. Oh, it's like Walking Dead?

So do they have parts where you just sit there and talk about your feelings and shit? Or just give a really sad look while your face is covered in mud? That's basically what happens. And so it's really fun because it goes on for so long. Last night's game took three hours. But you're all working together for the most part.

And I think that you would be so funny to play with. How was this going to segue into Melbourne? Because they're Australians. I was playing with Australians. Actually, no, it would be great. I thought it was the zombie part. The face is falling off. Actually, what would be great is because when you play,

your little characters, they're all... You have all these little characters. It'd be great to get a version of the game where all the characters are real housewives and they're all working together to stave off a zombie apocalypse. Hell yeah! Or keep their faces from falling off. Yeah, a whole bunch of Janice.

I've always wondered that about those Walking Dead shows. They decompose, but only a little. Yeah, only to a point. And then they stop. Yeah, that's what zombies do. So speaking of zombies, why don't we go to Melbourne and talk about our favorite... Real Housewives of Melbourne? Sounds great.

That's a great start for me, Ben, because I just watched it. It's fresh in my brain. Yeah. Let's talk about it. So my accent's going to be even better than usual, Ben. Oh, it sounds good. Sounds good. Unfortunately, my Australian friends from last night were from Adelaide.

They weren't from Melbourne, so I couldn't get i couldn't get you know the fashion in sydney's not even as good as it is in melbourne i can imagine what it's like in adelaide look like a bunch of cow performers i would know more i would know more about the fashion in sydney as as compared to melbourne but every time i ask that one question that other elvira mistress of the dark keeps on interrupting me. So sorry. All right. So we just start from the beginning.

Yes. My favorite part of this, for some reason, is Lydia. Lydia is one of the most boring people in the world, but for whatever reason, she just entertains a hell lot of me because she just seems so stupid, and I love how she talks. And this week opened with scenes from last week when she was giving her speech, which was not a speech. I guess it's a monologue. You can't call it a speech. Well, this was a –

She was like, my son died when I had him. And then I had a different son. And this son has two souls. And I just thought – and you probably want to fuck both of them. Because you remember that – you remember that was her son last year, right year right that she took to that store like that lingerie store or whatever what was that is that in my head probably but you know that her son right now is in major trouble did you read about this did you read about what happened to him well um her son is like an internet troll he was posting he posted like pictures of someone like a woman online that he wasn't supposed to

like i i'm not sure if it was a revenge porn situation but either way he wound up in court and might be going to jail oh god you said porn because i got scared for a second i'm taking pictures of people all the time like in the starbucks line who look stupid and i post them on my instagram no i'll find i'll find the article it came up a few times people posted it but you keep talking about lydia and how she uh well here's the thing with lydia okay so at the top last this happened last season and it's happening in this season where she doesn't really have any thoughts on anything but then if someone says oh you know what lydia you should be mad at so-and-so so-and-so said that she's like

oh and then she decides i'm gonna be mad at them so now she's decided that she's gonna be mad at gamble and just like last year again she has no So now she's decided that she's going to be mad at Gamble. And just like last year, again, she has no idea why she's even mad, and the story's wrong. The best thing about Melbourne is that they don't even, they're so stupid that they don't pay attention to them. It's like they can't understand their own accents, because they

don't even understand what the fight is. It's like a really bad game of telephone. Maybe it's because Janet starts most of it, and she's just forgetting. Like, I don't know. But they don't even know what they're fighting about. She's not even fighting about the real things. What she's mad about didn't even happen.

Yeah. Well, because she's been told that Gamble was, like, making fun of her during her quote-unquote speech. Who was she on the phone with in this episode when they showed Lydia on the phone? She's like, hello there, darling. Here's what I want to know. The other night at the dinner, what was your opinion? Because I heard that Gina and Gamble were

having a laugh at me and they were making fun of me during my dead son monologue. Who would do that? Who would do that? That's not what happened oh you're all how awful how awful for a gamble an awful thing to do to laugh to laughter in my dead son story what an awful woman wait so the oh the story with Lydia's son Lorenzo Chiavello is that he is in court accused of stalking and posting nude photos of a woman on social media without permission, including one of her bottom energy string.

How awful. How awful. Thank you, Robbie McDonald, for posting that on our page. So he stalked her in real life and then posted pictures of her in a thong on the internet or did he internet stalk her uh i'm not totally sure sure because if he didn't real life i'm proud of him for leaving the house because that's a lot of work stalking somebody he also allegedly did telephone send electronic messages to you or otherwise contact that person between certain dates in november which led to a charge of stalking. Oh, wow. I don't know.

If you're rich and you're cute, why do you need to stalk somebody? Well, he's not that cute anymore. Unfortunately, he gained a lot of weight. Not to fat shame him, but he used to be a lot cuter before he gained the weight. I'm even prouder of him for going outside and stalking someone when he's overweight. It's hard being overweight and doing stuff. I know. I couldn't stalk anybody.

I'm too lazy to even Facebook stalk somebody now. I just look at their picture. I'm like, they were at the beach. Who cares? Move on. Chiavello's barrister asked for the stalking and other charges to be adjourned to May 8th for a plea, with alleged driving offenses also to be mentioned on that day.

Oh, well, sounds like someone's dealing with fact, not fiction. Not friction. Not friction. Somebody better call your partner. Make sure they know that they weren't stalking someone else. Don't want that partner to get jealous. He probably wasn't even stalking her.

He probably just got in trouble for talking to her. And then the real housewives were like, he was stalking someone? Oh, tell the news. He was stalking someone. How awful. What an awful thing to see. Everyone is posting nude photos. awful. What an awful thing to see.

Everyone is posting nude photos. Everybody in the town is talking about stalking. Yeah, Lydia's not happy until A, she can be a catty bitch with somebody, which I guess we're going to see. We saw a little bit of it this week, but it looks like it's going to be coming out more

because she acts like she's all nice and peaceful, but she's so horrible and catty. Yeah. So it looks like that's going to be coming out again soon. And she's not happy unless she can be pissed at Gina. Which Gina does give them enough reasons without them having to make stuff up. I mean.

Yeah, she does. Gina definitely does. The way they work on this show, you can be offended at anything they say. I mean, they get offended at every little thing. Like, Petty Fleur especially. She's like, I don't know what she was talking about with me.

What are you talking about? She said hello. Everyone is talking over me. But, you know, the thing is with Gina, I mean, we love Gina, but she is not totally innocent here. She does say some very condescending things sometimes. She sneaks in her jabs when she can.

She doesn't sneak them in. She just like plows them. Oh, Petty Flo. Hey, Petty Flo, if you want to say something, speak up. Can't understand you through your accent. God, that was awesome. Okay, let's go through it before we waste all the answers.

Before we waste it. Because that was amazing. So they go to some sports thing. What was it? Yeah, they didn't... I didn't understand. They're always watching sports things on this show. It was something between Sydney and maybe Melbourne, some team. I assume it was rugby. I don't know. We didn't actually see what

the sport was, right? Croquet? Croquet? All I know is that... No, that's not a sport. That's a thing in the backyard. That's when they were playing in the backyard. So many sporty things on this show. There was croquet and then some other horse thing. All I know is that Lydia showed up in the Sydney colors, and they're like, oh, are you supporting Sydney?

She's like, no, I'm supporting Melbourne, but this is just my fashion. I'm like, you idiot. You wore the other team's colors. I like the color palette more. Gamble was supporting Sydney, but she's from Sydney. She's like, this is my city. But, like, Lydia was just being dumb. Lydia, sorry.

I had him confused. Yeah, no, Lydia was just being dumb. She was just wearing the wrong colors. And then when she wouldn't drink, Petty Floor was like, why? You're pregnant? And she's like, no, thank you very much. No, that's not Lydia. No, no, no.

Lydia, no, Petty, I mean, Gamble makes a stupid joke. She's like, oh, I'm getting these women confused Petty, I mean, Gamble makes a stupid joke. She's like, oh, I have pregnant. Oh, I'm getting these women confused. How do you get them confused? They're so distinctive. Gamble, Gamble is like, oh, are you pregnant? She's like, no, are you?

I'm like, oh, Lydia, stop it. We know one likes Gamble, but don't, just don't make us like her. Don't make us take her side, please. Yeah. She's like, no, I'm not pregnant. I just told you a story about my dead baby and my child with two souls, and now you're asking me if I'm pregnant?

That's really inconsiderate of you. And I love how, like, every time, it's like they cut to Gamble in an interview, and she just mumbles away her story. She's like, well, I guess I was a little drunk. You're like, what? I was just a little, you know, I was a little drunk, and so, you know. You're like, what? I was just a little... You know, I always get a little drunk

and so, you know... You're like, what? What came up? Sometimes I'm silly. And sometimes I say things that I shouldn't say because I'm silly, Wolfie. I don't mean that.

I miss my Wolfie. You know, I guess I was a bad girl for saying those. Look at that. I miss Wolfie. Wolfie plays well. I want to watch a Wolfie sport. Wolf pop. Wolf pop sport.

Why did I write Gamble's shoulders? Oh, so I've noticed that Gamble does this thing. Someone calls her a marionette later in the show. Not a marionette. A ventriloquist dummy. I mean, I'm sorry. That's not nice to say. But mostly just because of all the injections.

I mean, she kind of does. But also, she does this thing like a marionette where she moves her shoulders. She kind of does a really slow version of a shimmy while she talks. Like she's rolling her shoulders while she talks. And now I can't stop. Once I notice it, I can't stop singing. I got a little dance. That's why she's talking about losing.

So they all go to this art show. No, I mean the sports... Oh, you're talking about in Sydney. Yeah, wait, did we finish that? Oh, wait, is there some other fight? The fights on the show are incredibly stupid. I can't keep up. So the women went to Sydney,

but while they went to Sydney, we had a quick scene that made me crack up where Jackie goes to Chica's house. And Chica had set up like a little tea in the garden. And so when Jackie shows up, she was like, well, it's so nice out. I thought, let's just do it. And I was like, oh, dare to dream, Chica. Setting up tea in the backyard.

Let's just do it. I thought, you know what? You know what? It's sunny outside. Let's have tea outside for once. Let's just be wild and do it. Let's get crazy. I'm not even going to wear a scarf out there.

You know what? Let's put the table out there amongst the flowers. I know tables are supposed to be for indoors, but let's put one outdoors. I mean, let's just do it. Let's be crazy. Crazy chica. And I love that Jackie, she kind of has that demeanor with people, like she's talking, like she's going

to an old folks home to just donate her time, you know? She's always like, Hello there, darling. How are there darling how are you today oh great great you're doing all right there mom how was your food you like that food is it good okay you want me to set up for you doll i know you can do it yourself darling but that's what i'm here for so good job sweetie let's keep the energy up or else be happy your child still loves you just because he hasn't been here in 20 years. You pay some bills, doesn't he, darling? Yay! She's always talking like decrepit old ladies. I love it.

That's hilarious. That is such a funny observation. It's so true. And how are you today? How are you? Oh, good. Good. Good to see you.

It's like you talk to children or old people. I know. That is so funny. Don't poop yourself. But yeah, Chica's like, let's get real bad and talk about some girl gossip. Let's talk about hen's night. I had such a crazy hen's night. Like, I went and I stripped down.

I stripped down to my sweater. I stripped down to my sweater. And then there were a bunch of guys there for box night. And they were like, oh, hey, why don't you strip down further? I was like, no, I can't. And then I spoke to my mother-in-law, Bruce's mother. And she was like, oh, those bucks were my sons i had the craziest hen night when i went out there i thought you know what i'm not even gonna wear stockings

i'm just gonna wear roll-up knee highs i mean it was crazy i did i only had granny panties covering my vajay i didn't even have the extra layer of stockings i got crazy on hen's night darling darling i was gonna wear some pearls crazy on hen's night, darling. Darling, I was going to wear some pearls for my hen's night. Now, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wear some hoops. This is crazy hen's night. I used sunscreen as a moisturizer on hen's night.

On hen's night, you know what I did? I had like a shot of whiskey. Isn't that crazy? Crazy hen's night. I asked for cider water with it because that's what I like to finish it hens night i asked for cider water with it because that's what i like to finish it with but i asked for tap water i'm such a bad girl on hens night i could have gotten cancer or something there on my hands night i had a soup and a salad what was her thing on hens night she's like on my Hens Night, I was watching some dirty show,

and then I realized at the table next to us were boys from the neighbors. I got knackered. I got knackered. What was she talking about? She saw somebody at a restaurant or something. No, it was that there was a, basically there was like a bachelor party next to her bachelor party, and she got down to her bra, and she didn't invite her future mother-in-law,

but then the next day her mother-in-law called it's like i heard you had a crazy hens night it turns out that like she was related to the to the bachelor party guys that was pretty good actually chica getting down to her bra i mean that's like a normal person doing a donkey show yeah and then jack was like oh chica has a cheeky side shine shine shine shine shine shine oh everybody's got a cheeky side you know what i love strippers because i'm young chica let's get some strippers wouldn't that be fun mom let's get some strippers but let's get and let's get that stripper because that stripper looks sad that's the strippers had a bit of sadness in his life that stripper's father didn't let him play with

barbies now he's worried about it when it's totally a normal thing growing up. I know him. Call him in here. Oh, Cheeker. Yeah, well, at least it's male strippers this time. Yeah, I'm excited for that next week. So, okay, so then they did. Nice waxed twink. So then they did go, the rest of the women did go to Sydney, and they went to an art show because Gamble, her dad, is in art and she knows art.

My father lives on a beach in Tong Beach. I know about art. And then, like, well, before they even got the art show, Petty Floor obviously did some research about the artist and she was like, well, one thing that people may not know about this artist is that

he has a painting in the White House, yeah? He has a painting in the White House and he also has a painting in three museums. So, like, you know, he's bad. His Yelp reviews are so amazing, you guys. And then Gina's like, oh, did you go to Google?

Did you, you know, you researched him on Google? And she's like, no, I did not do that. It's like, you know, Petty Fleur, it's okay. You obviously did. It's okay.

It's okay. Like, Petty Fleur, it's okay to's okay like Petty Fleur it's okay to be like going to an exhibition and ahead of time to do some research and then to like tell people what you learned it's really okay that's no one's gonna think badly about you Petty Fleur just wants to fight with

anybody and nobody's giving it to her which I find hilarious everyone's just ignoring her she tries to start a fight like three times an episode I know I don't appreciate being talked to like that by these women because they don't understand the culture. And they don't understand that I have made it myself and I understand art. I am going to switch the bitch. And as it turns out, I know who this artist is very well because I talk about it with my son when I am caressing him in the bubble bath. I know who this artist is very well because I talk about it with my son when I am caressing him in the bubble bath.

The other day I was massaging my son's butt in the bubble bath. And as his head hung over the bathtub, I said, you know, you look like this painting from this artist I'm going to see in Sydney. Whose work I know very, I know much about. I'm very intimate. I have an intimate knowledge of his work, much as I have an intimate knowledge of your work much as I have an intimate knowledge of your bottom oh petty floor and she's like you know it's going to Sydney the thing about Sydney is they don't dress they don't know how to dress like the people in Melbourne

the fashion is behind and at first I thought bitch please you're wearing like some crinkled ass like curtain dress but then they got to Sydney and I was like oh holy flower button down shirts and they were right i don't know what they're they're fucking in sydney in sydney they don't care about fashion they fuck more there they're like i don't care i don't care what you're wearing

fuck me yeah i get my impression of sydney is that it's more of like an outdoor city where people are just like running on the beach and kayaking and stuff and eating at subway and because i think that the sharks yeah i think real world took place in sydney once and all they did And kayaking and stuff. And eating at Subway. And getting eaten by sharks. Yeah, I think Real World took place in Sydney once, and all they did was eat at Subway. That was like their central perk. Every day there was a scene in a Subway. Yeah, I believe that. That was actually an episode.

That was the season that made me go away from the Real World. Just like, I can't watch this anymore! I think that's the last full one I watched, too, actually. Well, I came back. I mean, it was the last of, like, there was Real World Denver, which was so bad that afterwards I was like, I can't watch this. Then Sydney came along. I stopped watching. But then I came back again when it was, like, Real World Hollywood.

I watched Hollywood and Brooklyn, and then I had to go again. Oh, yeah. I watched Hollywood. I didn't watch Brooklyn, though. Too much. I liked Brooklyn. So, anyway, so when they get to this art show, there are these various paintings of, like, nude women. And Gamble's like, oh, I don't think many of those women would pose nude.

But, like, I would because, you know, I've studied art and I get it. I'm like, what? Oh, no. This was really uncomfortable. She says something more along the lines of, I understand because I posed for it because my father's an artist. And I was like, you're, no, she said, I'm comfortable posing nude because my father's an artist.

And I was like, you're comfortable posing nude because your father, like you're used to your father painting you. I don't know, something about this is creepy. She used the word that she gets it. Like, as if, as if because there's some artistry in her family that she therefore has an understanding of posing nude for paint. That makes no sense.

Why would she get it more than Petty Fleur? She's like, my father worked at a Walmart, so I understand upside down smile. I understand upside-down smiles. I understand things. I'm really good in the kitchen. I can chop things because my father worked at Walmart and they have a price chopper. I'm very good with fencing because my father, he worked at Walmart,

and a little smiley face has an epi, and he slices the prices. I get being naked at a pool on Facebook because my father lived on the beach in Florida. I really resent Janet saying that I have sex parties. Those are really just art parties. My dad comes. Um. In both ways. In both ways.

In both ways of the word. So then it becomes my favorite part of the episode where Lydia... Did this happen here? I don't know. Mine should be in order, right? But I love when Lydia's trying to start a fight

because she hasn't done shit on the show except walk her dog, I think, so far this episode. Lydia was not in Sydney. Lydia was... Okay, then this was an earlier scene when Lydia's trying to start a fight with Gamble. Oh, we already talked about... God, I'm losing my mind. But when she's talking to

Gamble, and she's like, listen, I don't appreciate the way that the other day i was telling my lovely heartfelt story about my dead my dead son and you were laughing and uh she's like that wasn't yeah that was i wasn't laughing at you i was laughing because morphe and i always laugh at weddings and you talked about a wedding i didn't mean to laugh i didn't mean to interrupt your speech She's like it wasn't a speech Alright it was you know

It wasn't a speech and they're like whoa whoa whoa And everyone's like calling her on it Like yes it was if you have to be quiet For five minutes It's a speech It was just a really long run on sentence And I was trying to think of the words It wasn't a speech You know speeches are juicy, and I was trying to think of the words.

It wasn't a speech. You know, speeches are juicy and full of flavor. No, Lydia, that's a peach, not a speech. Oh, I'm sorry. I think I spread that wrong. Anyway, I'm sorry. I don't know why that's... Is anyone hungry? I just made a speech cobbler.

This is the sort of humor you get on this podcast so everyone who has come on over from the for crying out loud podcast we by the way have to give a big shout out to you yes thank you thank you yeah thank you for giving a shout out for we hope to do your show soon you if you want to talk about parenting to anyone you should talk to me yeah i've never been in a relationship or had a child so i'm the perfect one to talk to about it anyone, you should talk to me. I've never been in a relationship or had a child, so I'm the perfect one to talk to about it. And so if anyone is looking for a good parenting podcast, that's

good for crying out loud. For crying out loud! It'll be for crying out loud, the Mommy Issues edition, and I'll just keep them on there for three hours. Really, Ronnie? Your mother spilling franzia at your confirmation is actually a decent story so why are you crying so they've been giving us a few

shout outs we have to give them a shout out before we forget so that's why i just wedged that right in there sorry sorry everyone um what else today oh i had uh lydia lydia's like you were making fun of me i saw you smirk and she's like i don't making fun of me. I saw you smirk. And she's like, I don't smirk. She can't smirk. She cannot smirk. Bitch can barely open her jaw. Yeah. She doesn't even know what a smirk means.

The jaw is the only thing that moves on her. There's no smirking with that upper face. She's like, when you said I smirked, did you mean that I was being an artist? Because I was. I get that. My father was a smirker. He liked to paint still lifes and smirks. That's a lot.

Who said, oh, uh, so wait, when do we get to So they're in Sydney. Sydney. My notes are, I'm sorry, I sound like this because I'm looking at my stupid, crazy notes that make no sense. I wrote, Janet, firecrackers can go off at any minute. Yeah, when they're lit, Janet.

She's like, that girl's crazy. She's like a firecracker. And I'm afraid of firecrackers because they can go off any minute. Firecrackers do not go off any minute. They go off because you light them, you dumb bitch. Stop lighting firecrackers. Yeah, but when you give these girls booze, you dumb bitch. Stop lighting firecrackers. Yeah, but when you give these girls booze, you're essentially lighting up those firecrackers.

I mean, there's a reason why getting drunk is called getting lit. Wow, that was clever. I would have laughed out loud. Wasn't that clever? I was like, oh, Ronnie, I just made a clever thing. I was drinking Chinese, the diet tea.

Oh, you were getting lit yourself yeah I'm getting lit on well first of all can we pause for a second so let's go back to Sydney they have this friend whose friend was it again was it Gamble's friend I think Gamble brought her sister

and her friend right there was a friend this woman with black hair she looked like half... Lisa! This is my friend Lisa, everybody! She looked half like Elvira, Mistress of the Night or the Dark or whatever, and half like Nancy Wilson circa 1987, right? Like, this woman was like...

Wishes. I think she looks like a torn-up version of that chick who was on Real Housewives of New York for a year that had. Yeah. Cindy Barstow. Yeah. She looked like a methed out version of Cindy Barstow. It was basically like. Bar Shop.

Yeah. Bar Shop. You're right. Cindy Barstow is someone. That's Sidney Barstow who is on Alias. Yeah. Yeah. She's way smarter.

She's like, you guys, where are we going to be vajazzle today? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah. Yeah. exactly. I'm putting a poison tool into her vagina to get her back for the CIA. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Text appears on the bottom of the screen. Rome, Italy. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

Vajazzle headquarters. Someone's asshole's getting bleached. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. She breaks in like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. She's like dangling from the ceiling, but through long vagina hairs. Gross. Actually, it'd be more like she's just dangling instead of lasers. They're just like hairs stretched across. Classier than that, Ben.

I'm sorry. With classy people on this podcast. I said things really clever. I said my cleverness followed by bodiness. I'm like, let's talk about vagina hairs now. So what were you going to say before I rudely interrupt you?

So I was saying, so this woman, whatever her name was, she was really trashy, but at one point she keeps on interrupting Petty Fleur, and Petty Fleur is getting so angry. Petty Fleur's like, I'm just trying to ask a question. I'm just trying to get an honest answer. Trying to learn about this lady. And this woman, she cannot give me a word like i can't get a word edgewise petty flower is funny she's like i don't care because i just ignore it because i know how

to tell people be quiet now it's time for me to talk i'm not frustrated i'm just like go away and they cut her being totally frustrated. Like, yeah, like you can see the steam coming out of her ears. And like, she was like Yosemite, Sam,

Yosemite, Sam, Yosemite, Samosa. Hmm. Um, is that racist? Did I just say,

did I just say, did I just say something racist? Cause it wasn't meant to be racist. I'm sorry. I was just trying to make a pun. When I said Yosemite Samosa. I don't know. I don't think that was racist. If it was racist, I apologize. I don't know. I think you're

oversensitive. I'm undersensitive and you're oversensitive. Well, I am just trying... Well, you know, we have all these new listeners from... For crying out loud, I don't want them to think this is... You know, let's just remember what I made up. You know, at the end of the day, a woman's gotta love you for you, Ben. I don't want them to think this is... Let's just remember what I made up. At the end of the day, a woman's got to love you for you, Ben. She can't love you for something

you're trying to be for her. She'll sense that and go find someone who's himself. How do you like that, Ben? Being myself is why I've never found a man. That advice turned out to be terrible. Thanks for whoever gave it to me. Being yourself. Who the fuck wants to date someone who's being themselves?

Just pooping, masturbating, fucking eating all day. Anyway. Sorry. Welcome crying out loud. Yeah, you see, I ignored my own advice. That didn't work. Now I'm conflicted. So let's go back to the gallery.

Yeah. Because the real drama came in here when Gamble's sister. Okay. So Gamble's sister, okay, so Gamble has this sister in Melbourne and now we see why everybody starves themselves and gets facelifts because that town doesn't do it the same. And I'm like, you guys don't fit together anymore.

You guys have to keep the same plastic surgery schedules up or you're not going to look like family anymore. Your Christmas cards are just going to look ridiculous. Yeah. And her sister just came up out of the blue to Janet and was like, listen here. I want you to know I love my sister.

And I don't know if you know how much you hurt my sister. It hurt her and so it hurt me. So now you hurt her and me. Whoa. Let's simmer down now you hurt her and me. I was like, whoa. Whoa. Yeah.

Let's simmer down now. Simmer down now. Auditions are over. Okay. Yeah. And then Janet was like, of course, you know, Janet should just say, she just nodded and be like this crazy woman. But Janet's like, all right, well, I didn't make it up. I didn't make it up.

I didn't make it up. And then, of course, that just made Tempest angrier. Oh god, her name is Tempest? Yeah, the Shakespearean theme continues. It's probably spelled wrong. Just like Gamble. Yeah. It's like T-I-M-P-I-S.

Yeah, Tempest. Here's our brother, Macbeth. It's a Shakespeare play, so the mother did it, and she'll probably die in the end. Yeah. You have made my sister! Whoa, Shrew! Yeah,

tame that Shrew. Get it? Being high-minded again. Oh, show tunes yeah they should she's like let me show you my home we live in a quaint little hamlet I would love to talk about this more but

I'm on my period and I need to go use the mid summer nights talk about this more, but I'm on my period and I need to go use the Midsummer Night's Eve. As you like it. Okay, so what's next here? Firecrackers can go off at any minute. Oh, and then Wolfie had his private talk with Gamble. And she's like,

I don't understand why these women know that he's talking to me, Wolfie. And he's like, listen here, darling. I don't want to sound sexist, but men let things go. And sometimes women, you know, I don't want to sound sexist, but sometimes women maybe let it go on a bit too much. And she's like, really, Wolfie?

sometimes women maybe let it go on a bit too much. And she's like, really, Wolfie? Have you never noticed that about the women in the world? I don't think you have to be a man to notice that. Really, Wolfie? Women are like that? She's like, and she's like, and then she's like, Wolfie and I have the same sense of humor.

I'm like, you didn't even say anything. You just both laughed at nothing. He's like, men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. She's like, no, I'm from Sydney. Wolfie, you're from Mars. You're a Martian. I didn't know that. That's pretty exciting.

My husband's from outer space. E-harmony. No distance is too far from me. Sir, within 50 billion light years. My husband, he doesn't require a lot of oxygen to live. He doesn't need much. He came from outer space. Came in a spaceship and oxygen to live. He doesn't need much. He came from outer space.

He came in a little spaceship and landed in Australia. Is that why you stopped breathing in the middle of the night, Wolfie? I get so worried. Oh, Wolfie, could we have a daughter who could stop time? Wolfie.

Would you like to swing on a star, Wolfie? Would you like to swing on a star, Wolfie? So stupid. Oh, Wolfie, when you leave this earth, will you leave a little contraption to speak to your daughter through?

So when she stops time, she can talk to you, Wolfie. Oh, my God. I'm trying to see where we are in notes oh my god so for crying out loud this wrote in big caps people in Sydney what the hell and that wife

of the artist well first of all the artist crazy looks crazy and then the artist like her face she's had so much plastic surgery and I guess she's just so old that she looks like she hit 90 and stopped yeah and she's like like there's not enough fillers they're like man we had to stop putting the fillers in you darling all right there's only so much one face can take she's

like we take our dog you know we take our dog into restaurants we take him into museums we take him everywhere we put him right there on the table i'm like you're the everyone hates you in the restaurant right now by the way every single person later they went on the boat and there was like some apology on the boat between their stupid fighting which we'll get to in a minute but i love when that crazy woman was like rumors what's a rumor it's like a cloud in the sky how is a rumor like a cloud in the sky. How is a rumor like a cloud in the sky? That doesn't even make any sense. She's just married to an artist, so you know she just says stupid shit like that all day and gets away with it.

Because it's not real. It'll be gone in a moment. There's no there there. One minute it's shaped like a dog. The next minute it's shaped like a rocket ship. The next minute the sky's blue. It's a rumor. I'm just going to lie on a field of grass and pretend I'm in boyhood. Staring at the clouds.

You've watched me age 50 years in just this one episode. It's like boyhood in one boat ride. Here's my mother, Patricia Arquette. I look older than my mother because I age fast. It's my mother, Patricia Arquette. I look older than my mother, because I age fast. It's my art. The real housewives are like the reality version of boyhood. If you watch the first season of any housewife show,

and then you watch them like five years later, it's like you've watched a face go through an entire lifetime in five years. I know. Take that, Rich Linklater. Yeah, you think you're so cool because you've followed a boy for 12 years? Why don't you try following one of these faces? Like, my face is so disturbing that Patricia Arquette gained 20 pounds.

I just want to get footage of Vicki Gunvalson lying in grass and playing the song from Boyhood. And watch her face morph from season one Vicki to like the wannabe Gretchen that she's become. Listen, it's already been ten years. She just needs two more and she's caught up with Boyhood. Vicki Hood. Vicki Hood.

She's like on the third movie by now in housewives ears exactly and you hear that like strumming guitar and in the background you hear saying i have not had sex with multiple partners little baby little baby vicky in season one would be like it's super important that you go get your car washed in Orange County. Everybody does it every day. My favorite Vicky Gumbelson thing is season one. That was the first Housewives I'd ever watched. Well, anyone's ever watched, but I watched it years after it came out.

I was just sitting around on a Saturday, and I was like, is this bitch fucking kidding? Her whole storyline that day was like, I'm taking the kids to get the car washed, because that's what you do in Orange County. You got to have a clean car. Yeah, that's what. What is this?

Who is watching these shows? Yeah, in the beginning, it was just like lifestyle. And now it's like soap opera. But in the beginning, it was just like that. Like, oh, we're going to go play some tennis now. Yeah. So we went to a party and we had sangria. And that was it.

We had a great time. Woo-woo! I just want to collect footage From every season of Real Housewives of Orange County I'm going to edit together all the footage Of Vicky and I'm just going to have Pretty much in the middle of it It's just going to be on permanent loop

Vicky getting hit in the face with a football Like Marsha Brady Be like I don't want to be your hero Bonk bonkk, bonk, bonk. Yeah, you know what? By the way, that really puts that movie in perspective. If you ever want to take the gas out of boyhood, just be like, well, guess what?

They've been filming Real Housewives of Orange County for 10 years. So, yeah. It's not the only. Just watch the one Housewives face age in two or three seasons is like a whole point. Yeah, it's like, you know what their faces are like? It's like that part in the black and white music video of Michael Jackson when everyone's faces morphs together. That's what it's like when you watch a montage.

Oh, God, that was disturbing. He's like, it doesn't matter if you're black or white, but your face shape totally does. Yeah, at one point, at one point, Vicky's face turns into Cree Summers and into Tyra Pinks. And then it just is a baseball mat. Um,

so anyway, so back to the gallery. Gamble's sister tells off what's her puns. Janet. And Janet's like, I can't take it. I can't even do a Janet impersonation. She's like, she's like, if this is, darling. I can't even do a Janet impersonation. She's like, if this is what's going to happen every single time we get together, I don't want to. I'm doing Gamble, sorry. I know it's hard not to slip into Gamble when you're doing Janet, but then this doesn't really sound like Janet anyway then.

Yeah, she's like, darling, darling. I'm just like, darling, I'm just going to. No, I can't do it anymore. I can only do Gamble. I could do it before. I could do, like, a sad imitation of it, unlike all my other impersonations. Back before there was a

Gamble, but now Gamble's taken over. Sorry, Janet! So Janet storms off, because she's just, like, annoyed that she's... And I love Gina. Gina's like, well, you know, you never know what's going on with janet she's got poker face i'm not sure if that's from the surgeries or if it's just naturally and then meanwhile jan gina starts to decide she comes out of the bathroom where she probably was

calling someone the c word and then she she probably had her thumb over her mic while she was calling everybody there a c word yeah so she uh she sees that like gina's gone running off i'm sorry that jan's gone running off so gina goes outside and she's like all i could see was a gold dress with a tattoo and a head bubbling which was great she is such a shady motherfucker she is but she's so funny so then uh they're chasing Janet down the street, and Gamble's like, Janet, I'm sorry, darling. I'm being silly.

You just said I had some wine, and I miss Wolfie. I didn't mean to be silly, Janet. Janet's like, no, I've had enough. I'm just sad because Wolfie got on a spaceship last night and went back to his planet. Oh, Wolfie. Is Mary still alive there? They live to be 500 years old.

I'm trying to get a passport. Wolfie! But Janet was not having it and she was getting the hell out of there. And then Gina's chasing them both down the street like, come on, Jenny, it's a problem, darling. It's a problem. And Janet's like, why are you getting into the middle of everything?

And Gamble's like, ahhh! There were so many sequins going down that street. It was like a disco ball parade. It was hilarious and then all the, they stopped, they grabbed Janet's arm to stop her in front of this restaurant with an outdoor cafe and everyone was cracking up looking at these clowns.

Yeah, exactly, because they're all in, like, t-shirts and shorts. I mean, these fucking ridiculous plastic-faced ladies are running down the street screaming at each other. Meanwhile, back in the gallery, I mean, this is one of Petty Fleur's good moments, because Petty Fleur was like, actually, I don't think you understood what was happening, is that, like, Janet was merely trying to warn her of what was happening, and then Tepp was like, oh, I didn't think you understood what was happening. Is that, like, Janet was merely trying to warn her of what was happening. And then Tempest was like, oh, I didn't realize. Oh, well, I guess I owe her an apology then. I was like, yeah, great.

Gina stepped in there. She's like, you know, it was like, if you see something, then you try and give your friend, you know, you're trying to do her a favor, darling. You should know your facts. But the funny thing was that, like, Tempest had been like, when you say that, it hurts me. And you shouldn't. I've sent up for my sister. And they're like, well, actually, she was just trying to, like, warn her. She's like, oh, oh, I guess I owe her an apology. Well, thanks. Thanks, Tempest. A little late. some bloody evidence yeah which i love like you're you're not really ever a stripper or a whore unless someone's got a picture of it on instagram yeah what the hell what the hell kind of evidence do you want i'm so stupid but i did like when petty phil was like listen i'm just i'm just trying to say and then then tempest is like okay i understand he's like she's like well i'm just

trying to get it through to you just trying to get it through to your head and then she's like oh so you're saying i've got a low IQ now. Is that what you're saying? It's like, well, actually, yeah, Tim, but so far all signs point to yes. Yeah, exactly. Well, you're featured on this show prominently today, which means you must have crossed a stupid mark somehow. Yeah, exactly.

Like you won some kind of contest. Because normal people are not shown, okay? If you've done something that you're actually featured in episodes of a Housewives show, you're doing it wrong. Yeah, because you know what? Even Elvira, Mistress of the Night, had less screen time than you, Tempest,

which means that you, like, looking at her, you'd think she'd have a lower IQ, but no, like, you must have the lowest one. Yep, that's pretty sad. When Tempest makes you look reserved. I mean, when Lisa makes you look reserved. Yeah. Because that one was all over the place.

She's like, what happened over here? I was over there talking. Yes, of course you were. That's the way things work when you weren't there. Okay, so then meanwhile, back out on the sidewalk in front of gawking

locals, the fight is still going on and stupid Gamble's like, I can't believe I'm gonna be your friend, Janet. And then she's walking back with Gina. They let her go and she's like, Oh, I didn't mean to start that with Janet. Let's call her. And then she's like,

Hello, this is Janet. I'm fucking a 20-year-old. Please leave me a message. And she's like, Beep. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cl Please leave me a message. And she's like, beep. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck. Cluck, cluck, cluck. I know.

I was like, diplomat of the year. She's like, oh, it's just funny. I'm just showing that we just sound like a bunch of chickens. I'm like, no, you idiot. It sounds like you're mocking her. You're so dumb. You are so dumb. That's not how you say you're sorry by calling them a chicken.

Oh, my God. So funny. So then they go to dinner. Then they go on a boat. I mean, they do a lot on this show. Let's think from the very beginning of the show. And we're not even done yet. But in the beginning of the show, what were they doing?

Liddy was just walking. But they played, like, croquet. They went to a sporting event. They went to a hotel. They went to an art gallery. They went on a boat. And then they went to a sporting event they went to a hotel they went to an art gallery they went to they went on a boat and then they went to another restaurant i mean that's a lot of locations yeah they did a lot and on top of that chica cooked dinner with her son oh my god chica cooking dinner in her tight white pants with her fucking granny panties showing through i actually

really enjoyed that scene i was like cause she was getting so pissed. She's like, it's not going to go that way. You're not going to fit that pan in that way. You're not going to, you're not going to say, say. And I love that her son is,

um, wearing tight white pants, just like her, where his wieners like all squeezed up against it, like moose knuckle or whatever they call the boy camel toe. And he's the son of a gay guy. And his name is BJ. That is so awkward. that is the most awkward name

to give your straight son like if you're a gay guy don't gay guys don't name your children bj because then you have awkward moments like at dinner where the gay dad says bj i'll have some more of that you do not want your gay husband having that quote on a Housewives show. That's a quote. I'm just going to assume that BJ stands for Brucie Jr. Brucie Jr. Yeah, it probably does. Brucie Jr. Oh, Brucie.

Service. Service is a bit slow in here. Yeah. By the way, that meal looked delicious. I was like... I'm not looking at it. I'm not eating at the moment. So I wasn't looking at it.

It looked like they were making some sort of chicken piccata. It was like, I want it. When it comes to these shows and I'm dieting, I tend to avoid looking at the food and concentrate on their faces. It keeps me from eating. Yeah, that helps. For a little while longer. It's like the diet tea from the Chinese store.

So, okay. So then after the fiasco at the gallery, the next day they went on a boat in sydney harbor right which was nice seeing all of those rubbery bitches in that nature looked crazy and it was like running up against like a neon glow stick in the middle of a forest like how did this completely unnatural thing end up in a tree? How did this happen? It's like seeing a duck walking around

a duck swimming around in a lake wearing iPod earphones or something. It just doesn't look right. I was thinking something was out of place. Stay away from nature. All the sharks in the bay were like, what the fuck? Let's get out of here.

The great coral reef came alive, and it's on a boat! Yeah, so they went on a boat, and someone apologized to somebody, and then... Yeah, and then they went to dinner after that, right? So then Janet showed up at dinner, and Gamble apologized to her, gave her a very heartfelt apology.

It was a good apology. I actually give a little little little cred to Gamble. She did the right thing. Right. Gamble is a woman who is used to apologizing. Yeah. You can tell she gets from a face that moves. You can like actually read her eyes when she's you know she's done it

so many times you know what i just realized what gamble looks like she looks like a hand puppet she looks like a senior wences thing you know where you make your fist and you move your thumb up and down yes that's exactly what she looks like like where you make with your thumb and you talk like that like senior wences that's exactly what she looks like. Oh my god. I'm doing it right now, sorry I can't talk. Everyone can do it. Everyone can have their own little Gamble. Oh, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie. I'm sorry.

I can't see you sometimes. Guys, big news. Gamble is here. I can see her. She's right in front of me. Oh, Wolfie. Wolfie. By the way, this is like the most fun thing I've done all week is look at my own little hand and go, oh, Wolfie. Wolfie. By the way, this is like the most fun thing I've done all week is look at my own little hand and go, oh, Wolfie. Maybe we'll do our Google Hangout all with Gamble. Oh, Wolfie.

Wolfie. I practically do this whole show as Wolfie. I mean, it's Gamble now. if he so gamble now if you've come over from the uh for crying out loud podcast the recap is that we are currently now doing our podcast via hand puppet that you can't even see we're pros yeah we're pros on this show real professional we're just like adam carolla so what uh what else stopped what else happened on this show because what happened weren't they fighting in that restaurant so what some kind of well because they started to reiterate it again. And then Gina...

Did you say he fucked my husband? It's like, no, they didn't say that. You people need to listen. So Gina started to say something, and Janet's like, excuse me, we're having a private conversation. And Gina's like, well, there's six people here at this table.

If you can do something privately, I suggest you go elsewhere. And then janet and gina started to fight but then janet was they sort of like smoothed over in a strange way where janet's like well listen we've been friends and sometimes we're not friends as long as we are and they they just started to joke it that way and then petty fleur started to say something and they kind of like the bro they kind of broke the tension by all just ragging on him. She's like, well, I'm an expert in diamonds. Oh, I'm good at that. What was it?

It was like art or something. Or like they got the food and she's like, I'm a full-star chef. It was about diamonds. Someone was getting a diamond, a ring, or an engagement ring. Oh, she said, I'm a diamond expert. And then I started laughing. Like, yeah, you are. Of course you are.

And then Gina's like, oh. Gina's like, well, so-called you Eddie the expert. And then Eddie expert. And then she's like, well, I resent that. I, so I'll call you Eddie the expert. And then Eddie expert. And then she's like, well, I resent that. I resent that quite a bit. And she's trying to talk. And everyone keeps talking over her. And then I go, oh, Betty Fleur, I think maybe one of your problems is you have an accent.

She's like, well, no, I actually learned my English from nuns. Oh, my God. This was so good. She's like, Betty Fleur. No, no. Janet or somebody was like, Betty Fleur, it's just that when you talk, sometimes you give an intro to what you're about to say. So by the time you get to it, we're bored. Then Gina's like, yeah, maybe it's because you have an accent.

Yeah, which is totally ridiculous. So rude. Way more racist than my samosa comments. So funny. And then they all started laughing and they're like yeah and she's like no she's like i grew up with nuns who taught us in an english accent and she's like well it didn't work darling they all laugh at her i was like this is so nasty making fun of this poor woman for her accent i mean we we do her accent because we always try

to do everyone's accents but they're actually kind of holding her accent against her. I was like, this is so nasty. It's also just not America. America's the only place that can't take the piss like everybody else. We get so offended by everything. We get off on being outraged here. Every little thing.

It's fun to be outraged. Like we're spending on a hibachi grill. It's trending. It's trending on the news. It's fun to be outraged. Like Lori Spellman on a hibachi grill. I mean, it's trending. It's trending on the news. It's burning up. Burning up the internet. One chard broke bone at a time. So poor Petty Fleur, she is just... Because she also...

Petty Fleur also had an incident earlier in the episode when she was trying to make a point about the artist. And she's like, whoever made this art? And they're like, whoever? We know who the artist is. And they start just laughing at her. And she's like whoever made this art and they're like whoever we know who the artist is and they start like just like laughing at her and she's like but but she's trying so hard and every time she's in the scene they talk over her and ignore her because she's such a blathering idiot and let me i don't blame them she's obnoxious and i've been there i've been there uh interviews and

she sounds like she's this badass bitch. If you'd listen, if you'd believe everything in her interviews, she's just standing up for herself. She's this badass. Everybody respects her, but no one listens. And it actually kind of makes me like her a little bit because I've been there. I've had so many times where I start describing something and someone cuts me

off. Just today. Just today. Just right now. But when someone cuts you off and then because you haven't like made your point yet they start like they make a joke out of what you've said so far and like everyone laughs but then like you can't get your point across and you're like and it happens to me all the time i'm like i'm basically like the pediflur of life from wondery this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala

Harreld, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life

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You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Well, you're also friends with me. Sorry, darling. But that's also the oldest housewives trick in the book, you know, being the one that everyone's mean to. Because that's how you get fans. I know. That's the thing that Petty Flo doesn't realize, that she actually has a great position of power. But instead, she's just getting, like, angry and stomping her foot on the ground.

Listen, lady. Brandy Glanville has me immunized against that attack from now on. I will never fall for that again. Oh, God. That's going to be an entire Thursday if that. Let's hold it.

I know. Everyone should be very excited for Thursday's show. Oh, I can't wait for tonight's reunion madness. All right.

Well, we have truly talked this episode to death. And if you didn't watch Melbourne this week, well, we're very

sorry that we because we've just taken up 54 minutes of your time. So why don't we move on to another show? watch Melbourne this week, well, we're very sorry because we've just taken up 54 minutes of your time. So, why don't we move on to another show? Shall we move on to Atlanta?

Let's do it! All righty! So, Atlanta... Okay. I was trying to take notes, but I didn't take too many notes this week. I don't think a huge amount really happened. Okay, here, I'll just read notes really fast,

and you can stop me when you want to talk about something, okay? Okay, I have one thing that I want to talk about, but let's see if it comes up. Yeah, we'll get there, because these are in order this time, unlike my cracked-out Melbourne notes. Listen, it was just very post-modern. It was like, structure, who cares about structure? It's post-modern podcast time. My father liked a post kind like, it's like, structure, who cares about structure? It's postmodern podcast time. My father liked a post kind of art one time, so I know what I'm talking about.

Postmodern is up. I get it. Postmodern? Huh? Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cluck, cluck, cluck. Postmodern chicken? Cluck, cluck, cluck.

Those bucks are out of order. Ooh. All right, Real Housewives of Atlanta. First of all, I got like four ringers from this episode today. I got Phaedra going, Jesus, and I got Nini saying, you are full of shit!

I mean, I got so many good ones from this. But anyway, notes. Noelle's homecoming. Oh, Noelle is so pretty. I love that she's turning into such a nice little girl. I mean, not nice little girl, but like she's grown up from being a nice little girl. She looks like she's grown into a wholesome teenager. Hopefully one day she'll be responsible enough

to support an old man just like her mom. Yeah, maybe she too can bankroll a club under a highway. Where Martin Luther king was buried in the back like the backyard or whatever club where malcolm malcolm x was buried next door under the highway no no mlk was next to cynthia's and oh i thought so yeah i thought so yeah um i was making a joke sorry about that i'm sorry no i actually thought for a minute i was like actually that is kind of edgy if malcolm x died but like that's different i think it's disrespectful to open a bar

like right where they were preparing martin luther king to be married but malcolm x is kind of edgy like i think he'd probably like to know that people are having a drink and talking while he's just as long as just as long as peter isn't opening the bar i'm sure his skeleton will be happy but if it's like peter's like hey, I'm going to open up a bar over Malcolm X's body, Malcolm X will be like, please don't. Yeah, please don't. They probably would on this show. Make a whole show about it. It's like, what's more insulting, that there's a highway right over where MLK died or that Peter put a bar next to it?

I think it's Peter. That I had a dreamsicle martini. Okay. No else. I'm coming. The letter from Birmingham and cheese sandwich.

We're so stupid. So stupid. Selma and cheese. The Selma Alami sandwich. Off the menu at bar one. Stupid bar one. To think that I thought my samosa...

I think because we're doing this so many more hours now. When would we ever have talked about Melbourne for an entire hour? Never, right? I know. Well, and to think that I thought my samosa joke was going to be the most racist thing that would come up. And here we are.

It's not racist, is it? Oh, my God. Is that racist what we just did? Stop saying racist. It's making me feel like I'm being racist. I don't think I'm being racist. We're making jokes and we're making light of very important things. You can make MLK jokes.

I know. I agree. People just got mad at me for my Maya Angelou jokes because we're making light of very important things. You can make MLK jokes. I know, I agree. People just got mad at me for my Maya Angelou jokes because it was like the second after she died. Like, I saw it on Twitter and started making jokes. That wasn't cool. But I think when it's been this long, you're allowed to make jokes, right? Yeah, well, especially when it's like, where the joke is really

at Peter profiteering off of his shit club. And also, when you have boulevards named after you, you're allowed to be made fun of. Like, you can't be untouchable when you have streets named after you anymore. Like, you're a public enough figure that you're open.

Martin Luther King. That's right, so sunsets around the world, it's coming to you now. Stupid. That was a boulevard joke. That was a little boulevard pun for was a little boulevard pun for everyone oh my god

god help us we're gonna get through this guys noel's homecoming kenya how to enter shut up kenya she's like first get a big fake ass nini i like that kenya's talking about how to make

entrances when her entrance on the show is basically telling somebody off the second she met them, like Portia. Yeah. Nene, while... Oh, my God. When Greg took Nene to Sardi's, I died. Okay, that was what I wanted to...

That was my only note, was when Greg is like... They're talking to Brent, and he's like, this is where actors would come in between shows and have lunch. He's like, so I just want to pass along this Broadway tradition to you. And I'm like, since when does Greg get to pass along Broadway traditions? This is not— Actors also piss in the alley at intermission.

You want to do that too? You don't need to do everything actors did. This is not your tradition to pass along, okay? I did not see you up on stage as Mr. Mistoffelees, okay? Just kidding. He's like, Nene, Nene, Nene, I want to explain something to you, Nene. Now, when you do good on Broadway, like real good on Broadway, they give you an award. It's called a Tony Award.

So I got a waiter named Tony just for you. I'm going to pass this tradition along to you, NeNe. You know, we put there are a lot of theaters on Broadway. So they call going all these theaters, they just call it Broadway.

And I'm going to teach that to you right now. He's just you know he's just like a very stupid man i feel like he's a stupid man talking on tv and i'm like a little sick of it i just love him because i love that greg is always giving a sermon like no matter what he's talking about it's like the most important thing in the world and you can just tell in his tone you know he's, I got to go to the back. I'm going to look around for a door. It's either going to have an M on it or a W.

I'm going to choose the W and I'm going to zip down my zipper and I'm going to urinate. It's like, just go pee, Greg. We don't need a fucking speech about it for crying out loud. For crying out loud. Another shout out. Yes fucking speech about it for crying out loud. I know. For crying out loud, another shout out. Yes. Another shout out for crying out loud. We're going to make up for crying out loud 20 times in one show. Yes.

Yes. So he's saying, now look at all these walls. Now, those walls were all caricatures, but they all kind of look like NeNe's face. NeNe's face. If Hirschfeld was still alive, he wouldn't be able to fit that thing onto a pad yeah it would just look like a bunch of circular shapes just be so exaggerated teeth it's just all teeth and a bad wig yeah it would have basically looks like a hirschfeld drawing god damn she does and he's like one day you'll be in here nini your picture will be up

there with all those old white men. And she's like, I'm going to talk to the owner on the way out. She probably did, too. Yeah. She was probably like comment card. Like, zero stars on Yelp. There is not a moose on this wall with a blonde wig on. Yeah.

No tip. Yeah. And I also love that they're like, now. She's like, Bryce, you can go for a block oh no that was greg greg's like you can walk for a block and he's like only a block dad yeah any block that doesn't have a walmart for you to rob you little fucker isn't he the one who was like robbing stores oh brent is the good kid bryson is the bad kid oh then why are they punishing him for bryson's problems let him walk a few blocks. It's New York.

How else is he supposed to have fun? Yeah, he's a tall big guy. No one's going to mess with him. Yeah, I mean, I think he was probably learning worse at home. Yeah. He'll be safe in Times Square. He'll be fine. It's like the worst he can get into is getting too much pizza grease on his shirt.

He'll be okay, everybody. He'll survive it. Someone put an APB on Brent. I think he went into the ESPN zone. Dangerous. Dangerous. So, the next part was Candy's showing off her products

and her remote control panties, which sound terrifying to me. See? Now, panties. Right, I put on control panties, which sound terrifying to me. See? Now, panties. Riley. Riley, put on the panties. I don't know about that, Todd. Todd.

Todd. Todd. Todd. Yeah, so she's talking about how she's going to have a date with Todd. I mean, who cares? I don't even know why I write some of this shit down. Todd is an asshole. Todd is an asshole. Todd is an asshole.

I feel more productive. And he doesn't realize where his bread is buttered. Yeah, let's just skip to that. He thinks he's Harvey Weinstein because he got a second season of Hollywood Divas. Okay? I don't even know what network that's on. Is it on We? I don't know.

I don't know. It's like, it's got like Lisa Wu Hartwell. Some people watch it. It got a second season and he's like, oh, babe. So he's like, he's like, babe. He's like, well, he's like, I'm going to have to go back to Los Angeles. So why don't you move out to Los Angeles? And she's like, see?

God, you're actually starting to sound like him. Yeah, she's like, see? Now, rather. It's got school. And he's like, well, well well then i guess you won't come out but it's like you're such an asshole you're gonna make everyone no he said his response was well if you had a move you know if you had a movie deal we'd have to do it you'd go you take her out of school and go it's like this is not a movie deal okay this is a show that could be filmed like in

front of a green screen for christ's sake. Yes. Like, what's the set? A bunch of folding tables and some fucking... I've seen this Hollywood Divas before, and it's like real Hollywood. Like, where they're living in, like, ramshackle. Yeah. They're living in, like... Like, under the Zancu chicken. Like, that popcorn shit on them.

No offense, if you're a fan. I have that, yes. Anybody out there. I like the valley as... Not only do I have popcorn ceiling, I am not ashamed of it. I don't know why people hate it so much. I'm fine, yes. Anybody out there. I like the valley as a... Not only do I have popcorn ceiling, I am not ashamed of it. I don't know why people hate it so much. I'm fine with it.

It's just a ceiling. Because it's gross. It looks like your ceiling has been sleeping around. Good, it has been. I'm trying to think if I'm making fun of the right... But no, your point is... I watched one of these diva shows and they all lived in really sad apartments

and they were actually going to auditions off Craigslist or something. But your point is this. It's faulty logic what Todd says about, well, if you had a movie, because a movie is a big deal. And if you have a movie, that's a lot of income. It's a high-profile project. It's something that can move your career along. It's not to say that a reality show won't.

It's not to say that a reality show won't move your career along that's like a reality show and it's like a generic one and it's a and it's one that's like sort of at the bottom of the reality tv totem pole and it could be just as easily filmed anywhere and i don't know i i think he's entitled to go do a second go go do the second season you should congratulations but make everyone move to do the movie she would take her child with her because she had to work and she's taking her kid. It's not really the same thing as you – it's not the same thing. I mean I know that it should be because it's – what he's saying is like we would do it for your work but not mine. Like your work is taking precedence over mine.

But when you have a kid, the kid wins. And where is he going to leave his kid? With her at her house. So shut up. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. She's going to go to L.A. anyway. They had come out earlier in, I don't know, some stupid article.

I probably read one sentence on Radar Online because they're stupid pop-up ads trying to make me watch some ad. I'm not doing it Radar Online. I'm going to say that every week until you take that shit off. But anyway, what was I saying? Bueller's growling at somebody. I was trying to it right or online. I'm going to say that every week until you take that shit off. But anyway, what was I saying? Bueller's growling at somebody. I was trying to see who it was. But I totally just brain farted on what I was going to say. Something about moving to L.A.

Something about moving to L.A. and things like that. Moving to L.A.? That's what we were talking about? Well, like meeting Candy and picking up going to L.A. Oh, there was an article in some blog or whatever that was in sort of the beginning of the season when they started showing the Todd

and Candy problems because everybody's hating on Todd on the internet, which they should. He's an asshole. But Candy was saying that she regrets putting their relationship on screen like that because it's hard for them when he's getting all the hate because he starts and she didn't say this but I mean

obviously he would start resenting her because he's Todd and apparently that's how he rolls because of all the hate he's getting for this like they're trying to be honest about their relationship but if you marry an asshole don't put him on TV I mean what the hell people are going to comment on it yeah exactly or how about just don't be an asshole?

That's a good one, too. Yeah. I love that Todd showed up with taller hair. Like, you're still short, right? And you know that just made your head bigger. And it's like his oddly sculpted beard. Yeah. And he's so arrogant.

And that whole thing when Candy's like, what did I dare to deserve? Coming to such a nice restaurant. Damn nice restaurant in her hoochie mama dress by the way kwami not doing our girl candy any justice that is was a full-on hooker dress that that like leopard print like mini like short short length dress with the boobs hanging out in the front too tight like that was hooker it was hooker dress she was trying to look like a hooker that's why she brought a bag of toys i mean it's sad she should know she hooker. That's why she brought a bag of toys. I mean, it's sad when you're married to a midget and you still have to bring around a bag of toys to get pleased. She should look sexy, but not like a hooker.

There's a way to do that. There's a way to do that, but you don't have to look like a hooker in the process. Yeah, I think she's just trying to do anything to turn Todd on because he's, you know, he's cheating or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally. Like, a guy who got his first show produced feels like he's cheating or something. Oh, yeah. Totally. A guy who got his first show produced feels like he's on top of the world.

He got taller hair, for Christ's sake. That's got to say something about what he's going through right now. You know, he's got pussy all over the place. Oh, everywhere. Everywhere. Every corner. Well, I can't wait to see her low-level pussy. Because, you know, any high-caliber pussy is not going for Todd.

Well, you know, but some PA pussy. I mean, guys don't care as much. Yeah, that's true. Let's see here. Bryce, Phaedra. Yeah, that was sad. Okay. So, Phaedra.

Phaedra has decided to start a charity for fatherless boys. Now, this is for boys. So the logo is SOS. What is it? SOS Phaedra. What is it? I didn't see the logo. I didn't notice it.

It's SOS something. And it's, first of all, which means son of Sam. And also, I guess, help. Save our sons. Save our sons. Save our sons. And it's in, like, pink glitter. The logo is, like, in pink glitter.

Like, what are you doing? But I love that she's starting a thing for fatherless children, which, look, I mean, it's a good idea, like, about, you know, being a strong man and not leaving and stuff. But, Phaedra, how about you don't marry a felon and have children with him and then wonder why he's back in jail? That's probably step one. Maybe you should do this for women. Yeah. Because it seems like the problem here was you marrying an idiot, not really that he's a felon because he came that way. Right.

Right? Is that too harsh? Right. I just thought it was weird. And then she has this thing with fatherless children and Greg gets up to leave early like how does that make the children feel this is supposed to be about them leaving and then the men start getting up and leaving

it's like well this is a failure well I also liked how she has this panel of men she has like Judge Mathis and various other you know black figures and it's like it's like a solid panel it looks like a pretty good event actually and then peter just keeps hijacking the

microphone be like no i realize like i'm not part of this but like i just want to say he just starts speaking nonsense i mean he was really talking total as as Lydia would say, golden geek. Like, he's really, this is him on the mic. He's like, hey, yeah. And he doesn't even stand up, which I love. Yeah, he's like slouched back. He's not only sitting, but he's sitting leaned back with like one leg crossed over. And he's like, hey, like he's being interviewed on the fucking actor. What's the actor show?

Yeah, Inside the Actor's Studio. Yeah, Inside the Actor's Studio. And he's sitting there like he's being interviewed and he's like hey yo i just wanted to say that you know like these boys like they don't know and i'm not like i'm not like calling them stupid or nothing i'm just saying like these boys they don't like they don't know they don't have experience they don't know nothing i'm like what are you talking about and why are you calling all the people that the charity is for stupid yeah who are you get out of here why would you why would you let peter in anywhere peter's only good for one thing and we discovered that this this episode which is doing a jamaican accent because that was funny

because he is i think he's jamaican right so he was he was coaching cynthia on her jamaican accent for kenya's uh pilot um. But like when he was doing the Jamaican, when he was talking in the Jamaican pigeon accent, now that was funny. I was like, oh wow, it took like four years, but Peter finally did something that was like funny and enjoyable. Oh, I thought his speech was pretty good. I find him

funny and enjoyable. Yes, but this is the first time he was doing something that was like he was being intentionally funny and it was making me laugh. Oh, I missed it. I got up to go to the bathroom at that part. Oh, he's, yes. But this is the first time he was doing something that was like, he was being intentionally funny and it was making me laugh. Oh, I missed it. I got up to go to the bathroom at that part. Oh, he was doing all this, like, he was doing all this stuff. He was like, oh, I can't even remember what he was saying,

but he was, he was like, he's like, I'll go on. He's like, well, he was saying something in like a Jamaican way. It was like, how's it going? But it was like, he's like, how's it going? It's like, how's it going? How's it going? I can't even, I don't remember how it went, but it was just like, anyway, it was really,'s like he's like how's go it's like how gone i came i don't remember how it went but it was just like anyway it was really for crying out loud do you know how um lucky black

men are that they can talk to their women like that do you know if he was a white guy and his wife just came home from vacation he said damn babe your butt's even bigger now than it was before jeez your ass is huge he would get slaughter. She would slit his throat. But Cynthia's like, really, babe? That makes me feel insecure. And he's like, damn, look at that butt. Imagine Heather Dubrow receiving that comment from Terry. Oh, by the way, this is just

a cut-in. Sorry, everybody. Alright, we're gonna interrupt. Yes, breaking news. There was something really awesome that happened last night, I think, where Dubrow, Irow i guess was on or it was two days ago dr dubrow was on watch what happens and said something about bethany frankel maybe being a little too thin and then she wrote this long ass tweet like who the fuck is terry dubrow and why would he think that it's his business to be talking about a woman, blah, blah, blah, and like went ape shit on him on Twitter. So everybody maybe follow up with that

and see the responses and post them for me because I'm too lazy to search it. But I wanted to say that while we're talking about big asses. It brought Bethany to mind, obviously. Poor Terry Dubrow. He just does not do well with those shrewish brunettes from New York.

He can't say anything without them just coming down on him. Perfect example. He comments on a woman's weight, and look how a white woman reacts. Look at Bethany's tweet, and then compare that to Cynthia. Like, whatever, babe. Okay, so

anyway, he's an idiot, and that sitcom looks awful. Oh, yeah, that pilot. Oh, I wasn't finished with the Phaedra thing. She's talking about colonics a lot. And I also wanted to talk about the font on her nameplate. Have you noticed that? No.

It's like Gothic. It's weird. It's like horror movie font. I haven't noticed that. It's like 1800s horror movie font. And also I wanted to say, I hope that she rethinks her fatherless men's rally and just like lines up a bunch

of felons for single women to choose up and find a father. Well, we're sort of overlooking the big part about this whole event. Yeah, I guess we could just talk about that. We don't need to skip around scenes like the show does. That's maybe why my notes seem like they're skipping. The big thing that happened in this event is that Nini came. Nini flew down

from New York, which was nice. Nice, although, you know, it was a little bit like you know that the reason why she probably flew down was that way she could say, I flew down from New York, you know? Also, she's probably contracted to at least be with the women for a week out of her entire two months of

shooting, for Christ's sake. So they are basically all the women have been enlisted to help put together these plates. entire you know two months of shooting for christ's sake so they are um though basically all the women have been enlisted to help put together these plates of food which looked so good oh my god that chicken looked amazing and claudia i mean i love claudia but she was basically looking for a fight she she was like she basically was like so nini like last time we saw you you sort of like left this sort of like explosive. So why'd you leave?

Why'd you leave? How are you feeling? Well, we worked through a lot of things. And he's like, that's good for you. I'm glad you guys work things out. But then Nini, of course, is like, I just don't see how it's good for anyone if you all gang up on me. You know, you guys gang up on one person. I don't see how that's cool.

Everybody just ganging up on the one person. And oh, wow, wow, wow wow housewife bully tears they've all every bully on a housewife has those tears everybody's being mean to me later when she left and stormed out she was like you know every time i show up there's a lot of negativity and i'm a very positive it's like why do you think that happens every time you show up i mean today it wasn't you but it was based on you you know all that shit was based on shit you pulled in the past yeah and how about you know everyone was everyone was like you know she was like well i'm gonna leave because i don't want nene to come out and this is a charity function or whatever it goes nene but like how about this nitty how about you like exhibit some self-control?

I mean, this is, like, now the second charity function in two seasons where you've stormed off. Well, last year was crazier when Cynthia had, like, the Bailey Bowl. And then Nini got mad at, like, Kenya or something. And she just, like, ran off. Or a friend. She's like, I didn't know I had good friends with this charity or whatever. Wow. Yeah, at least she didn't take the mic this time that was impressive yeah you gotta hand it to her it's

restraint but i think she was i mean i think you're right and she was right and even though she's a total asshole i think she was right this time when she said you know she didn't want to make a scene i guess my light she's like they're trying to stand in my light it's like oh lord like to give themselves something to do but you light. It's like, oh, Lord. Like, to give themselves something to do. But, you know, that is what Claudia is doing. She's basically like the new girl on a show taking down the queen. Because that's what you do on a housewife show.

You come in and you take down the queen. That's why they're all mean to the new people. Yeah. And Claudia, I mean, Claudia's doing a great job of it so far. Even though she's like a little, kind of like a barking, a small barking dog this week. But, I mean, Nini's just out of control. I am just, I want her off the show so badly. When they show her next week going, Cinderella! It's like, oh, good.

You can't even say Cinderella believably. Yeah. All you have to, speaking of terrible acting, Kenya's sitcom. Oh, my Lord. Yeah lord yeah first of all is her friend directing the sitcom i don't know what her friend said cut what's his name the guy that apollo pushed oh yeah brandon brandon is maybe he is directing it i don't know i know that he is he like hell he's like one of the producers on it. And Cynthia's ex is one of the actors and Cynthia's on and everything.

Look, I appreciate, by the way, here's the thing. I think it's really cool that Kenya put it all together as a writer myself. Like, I could only wish I had the resources to get one of my things shot like that, even if it went nowhere. But that being said, her thing looks like shit. It looks like shit it looks like shit and i love that kenny's like as the actor writer producer director craft services person pa costumer driver it's like shut up when she did that scream like there's one part where she was like okay i'm gonna come screaming screaming out of the house she's like ah i know she couldn't

even do that she's like holding a knife over her head going that's that's even more convincing she was like ah that's how i would that's by the way how i would scream oh lord kenya i don't know if that's gonna work out for you but kenya's fun to watch this season. She's always fun to watch. I'm like, I'm a big fan of Kenya's. Yeah, I think she's kind of an obnoxious cow, but she's fun to watch this season. I love this show, though. I think they're all fun to watch. I think this is

going to be a really interesting reunion. Oh my god, these women. How are they even going to get through a reunion on this show? Well, Nini's going to spend three quarters of it sitting next to Andy with her mouth, like a puss on her face and she'll be responding with just

like single words, yes, no, no. And she'll have her body turned to him the entire time like he's just interviewing her. That's my favorite Nini reunion move, where she looks like she's on Watch What Happens just having a single interview and she just doesn't even look at anybody else. It would be great if she weren't sitting there i would love that oh no he would

never do that he's the biggest pussy i've ever seen he would never do that yeah no she is going to be sitting there and then she'll be single single responses only until someone finally gets her goat and then she will really then she'll start laying to them and then go back to being demure victim like well I'm not gonna say anything because no one cares about what I have to say anyway so I'm just gonna sit here and be quiet next question please totally oh I wrote

on like the only note I have under is Kenya's bad acting in cats and then under I wrote um I'm an idiot today I'm so sorry I can't even read it never mind I'm laughing at my own stupid scribbles I just drew a really

dumb picture I'll post it later um so what else happened on this oh no this is what it says it said this scene is an example of why men leave in the first place like don't have this girl stand up for your charity Phaedra this is why there are so many fatherless children, because crazy bitches like Ken, you're

running around. Let's see here. Oh yeah, when they come back from the kitchen, it would have been funny if all the men were gone. So yeah, I guess that's the end of that. Next week, there's some other Oh god, I'm sure someone else is yelling at each other next week.

What did they even show for next week? Do you remember? Just Cinderella. That's all I remember. But then we moved on to... Blood, Sweat, and Heels. But they're all from Australia. Blood, Sweat, and Heels. This is a funny show.

It's making me chuckle. First of all, the only note that i i wrote down was when geneva said that she had to eat because she's a natural bulimic oh my god how stupid is that woman and then mike is like really because the natural bulimic would be thin i'm just saying yeah i think she probably meant like naturally anemic. That's also the thing that, and I've said this myself as a heavy person, but that's so the thing that heavy people say. They're like, I tried to be vegan once, but it made me sick. Really? Eating fruits and vegetables made you sick?

Yeah. You need to reevaluate your diet. If eating a fruit and a vegetable made you sick, okay? Yeah. you need to reevaluate your diet if eating a fruit and a vegetable made you sick okay yeah um geneva this geneva is the same woman who last week said like hey sit back relax and decompose oh god she is so stupid okay here's my blood wesley snipes wesley snipes wesley mike is like i was wait who was saying this I was trying to say something, but she just kept eating the cheese. Yeah. Oh, I was, oh no, What's Her Bums was hungry at that event.

She's like, I'm hungry, but she kept eating all the cheese. Oh yeah, Daisy. And then the editors cut to her putting a gigantic slice of cheese in her mouth. And then put like four more edits of her eating cheese. Yeah. Poor Daisy. So, okay. I want Daisy to quit this show.

She has stage three cancer. And the doctor's like, hey, your white blood cells. Like Mary J. rolled out of bed on this episode. She is not looking cute. She needs to take care of herself. Yeah, they were like, listen, your white blood cells are down. You stay out of public. Like, don't, like, you know, basically, like know basically like you have to like stay in and

and rest etc and she's like but i have a segment or whatever i gotta like why is she the only reason why she's going this stupid matchmaker thing at the end of the episode is because she's doing it for the tv show like daisy this is your health like don't don't do this you don't need you have stage three cancer now's not the time to be getting dick. Yeah. All right? Stay home for a night. Stay home.

You don't need to be sitting next to Geneva and her cheese chomping whiz. And her bad English. Geneva, learn some words. I know. But, um... She's stupid. God, she is so stupid. Okay, yeah.

So it starts with Geneva and the new girl. The English gal. But she's English and Jamaican, right? So her accent... Oh, is she Jamaican? Oh. Okay, yeah, so it starts with Geneva and the new girl, the English gal. But she's English and Jamaican, right? So her accent... Oh, is she Jamaican? I think she said Jamaican, English and Jamaican. So I can't even get what she's doing with her accent. But I like it so far.

And I like that she's a bitch on wheels already. Yeah. But she likes the other girls and Geneva's all upset because that's her friend. Yeah. I'm trying to think. I mean, I don't know. This show's kind of slow for me, but I do enjoy watching it. She basically put together this like singles night where she had Micah and Geneva come together over dinner.

And the two women. Before you go on, let me just interrupt you to say one thing I did love about the scene of just her in her house with her friend her friend's like are you single do you want to find a man and she's like yeah girl I'm single as a dollar bill and while she's saying that she's holding like a carb

in her hand she's holding what looks like a twinkie or something she's like girl I'm as single as a dollar bill please can we just get that picture somewhere? And stop. Okay, go ahead. Sorry for the interruption. So they had like a dinner somewhere and then Geneva and

Micah actually managed to apologize and hear each other out and it was surprising. It was like a successful move, step forward. Yeah, it was like a cold apology hug but it worked. Yeah, it was like a successful, successful move, step forward after like. Yeah, it was like a cold apology hug, but it worked. Yeah, it was like after like a season of neither of them like willing to, to talk and get through. But, you know, I was happy.

I was happy with that because it was so ridiculous that neither side could like come to like the easiest resolution of all. Like all that had to happen is Micah had to, all Micah, all that happen was micah say i was out of control i'm sorry and then geneva all she had to say is i'm sorry i judged too quickly if i if i had known i never would have said that i'm super sorry and you know the editors love micah because they didn't insert scenes when she said um well you know in the past year we've seen you out of control a couple times. And Micah's like, oh, bullshit. Name one, name one. Yeah, normally they would show her opening her legs at Geneva's work event.

Yeah, the book signing when you showed your twat to the entire room, wasted. There was like three other times, I think, that year. Yeah. That she did that. She's like, what? No, no way. I also like the scene of Micah when she's with her mom.

Yeah. And she's getting advice from her mom. She's like, Lord? No, no way. I also like the scene of Micah when she's with her mom. And she's getting advice from her mom. She's like, Lord, I love my mother, but every piece of advice is from the Bible. I just want some advice that's not from the Bible. Like, honey, you know, Eve had problems with her man, too. And then she just gave him an apple to eat. And then they had to put on fig leaves, and the cheating immediately stopped. Mom! I know. Micah is just hilarious. I mean, she's absolutely hilarious.

I mean, there's nothing we can really say, because you just watch her, and she's spent like half this season so far making a comment and hiding into a little hood that she's wearing in the interviews. She'd be like, mmm, wow, and she just lowers her hood. And you're like cracking up. Oh, I like that she's also the only one with a chaise lounge. Yes. As her interview chair. Yeah. Let's see. Melissa shows up to some fake meeting

with some fake person with her $5 glasses that I own that I bought in Venice. It was the director of her play and he's like, well, next step is that we have to go. We have to go on tour. She's like but who's going to play that character. That's me and I've got to do my real estate. I'm like come on Melissa.

If you have a chance. Unfortunately Mel Carter is dead. If you have a chance. To like do like. Once again get on stage. And complain about being a video vixen. You will do it over real estate any second. Yeah.

She's like, I'm so hot. I get no respect. I'm so hot. It's so, so hard being so hot. If you wanted to respect, go to college and get a fucking degree in something. What are you dancing around like a hoe for and expecting respect? Get out of here. Yeah, but also I want to say just on a shallow level, because normally I'm very highbrow.

Yeah. But what's she doing with her eyebrows? They're like so far down on her face. It's like she's getting a brow, like the opposite of a brow lift. Like she's having them pulled down. They're weird Joan Crawford things. I don't like them. Stop it.

I'll have to look next time. All right. Just if anybody here knows her, just tell her stop it. Stop. Yeah. Other way. Other way, just if anybody here knows her, just tell her stop it. Stop. Yeah. Other way. Other way. You're going the wrong way, darling.

So then, let's see. So Daisy had a segment, and she was, like, tired and out of it, et cetera, et cetera. So then they ultimately, so Chantal decided to, she, like She hired a wealthy matchmaker. A high-end matchmaker. Some idiot. Where'd they find that person? I know. And they got all the women together.

And this one lady, this white chick, she starts asking them all these questions like, So, who are you dating? Who are you seeing? How do you feel? What do you think about relationships? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And she's just sort of being really obnoxious and humorless. how do you feel, what do you think about relationships and da da da da da da da da and

she's just sort of being like really obnoxious and humorless and I was happy because we got to see oh wait, there was an issue with Melissa, oh yeah Melissa was like, well I've been hanging around with this guy, da da da da da but I haven't been giving up the booty, and then the British woman was like

well if you haven't been giving up the booty then you're just friends, I mean you can't say that you're just hanging out, but then you't been giving up the booty. And then the British woman was like, well, if you just haven't been giving up the booty, then you're just friends. I mean, you can't say they're just hanging out, but then you're not giving up the goodies. You're not giving up the goodies. And Melissa got so mad because the British woman was right. Right?

Yeah, I mean, if you're not having sex, well, I mean, I guess you can date without having sex. Yeah, but like Melissa was like, but Melissa was saying they weren't dating. That's the most fun. Melissa said, she's like, oh, you know, I'm just having fun, but I'm not giving up the goodies.

Well, then what are you doing? You know? Yeah, Melissa's outrage was a bit much. I think she's just looking for something this season because she showed up a little different this year. She's like ready to rumble this year. She's like, who the fuck is she to tell me giving up my goodies to someone? It's like, what are you even talking about? Stop.

This is a non-fight. This is not Melbourne. Yeah, you should have just been like, yeah, I'm having my fun. I love that it's like, it's the opposite of slut-shaming now. Like, now if you're not a slut, they're shaming you. It's like, slut-not-shaming. Meanwhile, there's like an overhead slider relief delivery coming in. Crates of sliders being dropped on the neighborhood with little parachutes.

They forgot the side of mustard, darling. Chef Benny, quickly, make some sliders and send them out to Hollywood. Don't do it yourself, darling. You'll be leaving your station. All right, stay in your station and have my son do it. Oh, God, it's cars out of gas again. All right, just have one of the busboys bike it over, darling.

We didn't even talk about that article that we posted on the Facebook page Last week The guy from Thrillist went to That was funny We'll bring it up in the Beverly Hills We'll do it on Thursday's episode We're almost done with this day

So this matchmaking thing At one point The matchmaker They're like are you dating anyone She's like hell no I would never do that So then like daisy and dimitri sort of shared a look and then they were like dimitri was like oh girl girl let's hug let's hug like you know we don't see eye to eye so we better hug we gotta hug i was like shut up dimitri that was weird it's like you get one drink in that woman and she's suddenly gonna be nice like that's how low she is on dopamine you her, you give her one glass of wine and she's hugging it out with someone,

you know, what really bugs me too. And I'm going out of the party again, but we'll end up back here. Don't worry. When she went to lunch, Demetra and Geneva went to lunch and they're sitting there talking. First of all,

it's like boring, chubby girls hanging out together, being mean about other people, like story of my life, but it was obnoxious seeing it. And their only thing is talking about how drunk Micah gets. Like, who cares? Okay.

It's not like a, I don't know. I feel like it's not a Kim Richards situation for Christ's sake, where she's just lying about it and causing all this shit. So what? So what? She gets drunk. Like, is your life that sad that you have to look down on somebody going out and having a good time?

Demetria. She's so boring. It's like anybody without a stick up their ass, she's like, I don't do that. What do you do exactly ever? Do you have any fun ever? Yeah, I agree. No, Demetria needs to lighten up. Yeah, she needs some dick.

So we also got a little bit more time with Arzo. And I like Arzo. Actually, she doesn't need dick. She's got dick. That's the sexiest thing to say. She needs some wine. She needs to get drunk every once in a while. Okay, I'll shut up now.

No, you said we got to spend a little bit more time with Arzo. And I like Arzo because she makes all sorts of weird faces in the background. And she doesn't realize the cameras are on. So, like, if you ever look. I like Arzo because she's kept her Middle Eastern face and not Botoxed yet and it's so crazy seeing like four lines on someone's head that i almost fall over i love it i know she's like well i've got a black boyfriend so yeah a street cred um she has a cute black boyfriend uh yeah he's cute yeah um but i like that like the camera if you ever look she's always on the corner of the screen with like this some demented look on her face she's always on the corner of the screen with some demented look on her face. She's always like... But Arzo, so far

I'm pro-Arzo, even though she is probably crazy and will do some awful things very soon. Yeah, I don't think she's done much yet, but she's ready to rumble because you can see her looking for something. She's getting there. Right now, Chantal is trying to make her mark by doing these annoying things, but

Arzo is... Just wait. Just wait. I think Arzo is going to be in the middle of some stuff. She's probably going to say some... She'll probably say something racist when she thinks that she has the ability... She probably thinks that she has the past to say it since she has a black boyfriend. And she probably doesn't.

Okay, that's a good psychic call. Let's see if that comes through this year. That would be funny. I think she'll say that. I think that's what she's going to do. I like when Melissa was like, oh, I need older men. So anybody like 50 and up is fine by me. And then someone goes, 50?

He better have a yacht. I love this show. Yeah. All right. Well, I think talking to Geneva about issues she doesn't want to discuss is like giving birth to a calf. Oh, yeah. Very difficult. Awkward.

Awkward comparison there. So on that on that note, on that city slickers ask note, why don't we wrap it up? So, yeah, not a lot happened on Blood, Sweat, and Heals, but we saw previews for next week, whatever, the next episode or next couple of episodes, and it's going to get crazy. Yeah, we're just warming up.

Alright, well, this has been a long but fun episode. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Go to watchforcrappins.com to find our social media. You can support us, patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins.com to find our social media. You can support us. Patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins. And on Facebook, uh,

all that fun stuff. Facebook.com forward slash watch what crappins. What a surprise. So, um, thanks everyone. Thanks Ronnie. And yeah,

thank you. And, and don't forget our Google hangout is a week from Thursday, everybody. Yeah. So everyone, I will have my brain a little bit more together for the next podcast I'm a total idiot today

that's okay that's the best way of the podcast so everyone we will speak to you all on Thursday for our next episode talking about Beverly Hills New York, Shaz and Southern Charm getting excited

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