Watch What Crappens - #186: Squawkin' in a Winter Wonderland, Bitchez

Episode Date: May 21, 2015

The season finale of "Real Housewives of Melbourne" brought about more bickering, but this time it all happened in Pettifleur's Winter Wonderland 50th birthday extravaganza. There was a fake moon, fake snow, and a few fake faces (to say the least). Join Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) as they break down every bitchy moment (literally, every time Pettifleur uses the word "bitch"). After that, it's time for real snow as we hit the slopes with "Kandi's Ski Trip." Finally, things warm up in the Hamptons on "Blood, Sweat, and Heels." Come listen! You can donate to us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: @watch-what-crappens On iTunes: bit.ly/crappens Facebook: www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. When I'm not watching Bravo, I love to cook, and I know Ronnie does too. And in fact, I would subscribe to things like Bon Appetit or Food & Wine or All Recipes if I could, if I had the space. But I don't have space in my apartment for like a million magazines. Well, luckily, there is Nextissue.com, which is kind of like the Netflix for magazines, but it's better because you can have access to all the latest issues.

Nextissue is the new newsstand. Nextissue.com has all the best, most up-to-date magazines on the newsstand, including those that I just mentioned, Bon Appetit, Food & Wine, and that's just the food category. Go to nextissue.com slash crappins for your free trial. Nextissue is convenient. All your favorite magazines, anytime, anywhere. Eliminate the clutter on your coffee table or your nightstand.

You get instant and unlimited access to current and back issues all in one place for one price. Plans start as low as $9.99, and one account can be shared with up to five people. That's over 150 magazines. It's crazy. But guess what? You can get a 30-day free trial if you sign up today. No commitments. Cancel any time. You can binge read all your favorite magazines in one place. Oh, and it's

also on iPad and iPhones, whatever tablets you're going to use. So please, everyone, go to nextissue.com slash crappins for your free trial. That's a $15 savings. This is a great deal, but it's only available if you go to nextissue.com slash crappins. Sign up today. Watch What Crappens Happens when there's so much that happens cherubic and wonderful Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com Hello everybody, thanks Ben No problem Ronnie Ronnie is a wonderful person I forgot I was going to say that What are you doing over there?

I don't know, I don't know what I was going to say but what I do need to tell you all is if you go to WatchWhatCrappens.com you can follow us on social media all our social media links are there like Instagram,Hands.com, you can follow us on social media. All our social media links are there, like Instagram, et cetera. And then, of course, you can follow us on Facebook, Facebook.com forward slash WatchWhatCrapHands. Super fun. We are closing in on 4,000 likes.

It's amazing. People are commenting left and right. It's like a little community over there. We plug it every week, but not without reason. It's a really good way to enrich in your Watcher Crabbins experience, you know? So

go check that out. I'm reading it right now. Yeah, read it. Read it! Kristen will be back on Vanderpump Rules even though Lisa hates her and she no longer works at Pump. Oh, God. I hope she doesn't do the Stassi thing where she's like,

Seriously? I'm, like, over this place? Seriously? I've grown so much? I'm just here because Applebee's let me out early. So I'm just waiting for my boyfriend. Seriously? The 15-year-old dishwasher. Seriously? When I'm here, it's not like family. Seriously? So, yeah, there's fun stuff. Also, by the way, you'll notice on our Facebook page, I posted something on my blog because I played this board game this weekend called K2, where you control little mountaineers and you go up the mountain and you try not to die.

And I named one of my mountaineers Kim Richards. mountain and you try not to die and i i named one of my mountaineers kim richards and uh it occurred to me ronnie that we have to like get like two other people and play like the k2 game with all real housewives and see which ones survive you know like it would basically be like do they die in an avalanche or they fall down the mountain or what they run out of oxygen and then and then you kick then they fall down the mountain i I mean, why do people climb mountains? Do they ever explain that in the game? I don't know. Because you know what? This is the closest that I'm going to get, okay? I am not

climbing a mountain. But I presume you run out of oxygen and when you run out of oxygen your body goes limp and then you go tumbling down the mountainside. So I mean, basically this is like Shut Up Mountain, the board game. So I think we should say... Sounds perfect. this is like Shut Up Mountain, the board game. So I think we should say... People die.

Sounds perfect. Natural evolution of Shut Up Mountain. I say we send Jill Zarin up Shut Up Mountain. And who else? I'll race her. I can't beat Jill Zarin because I'll get her to the oxygen depletion point immediately. You'll kill her on purpose. I'll just throw her off the mountain.

Yeah. Maybe we'll open it up. So, listeners, can uh make your suggestions on who should go to shut up mountain and then ronnie and i will uh will simulate shut up mountain with the game be falling down the mountain like but i didn't get to say happy birthday to peter so wrong that i can't so wrong that i don't have enough oxygen oh no call me julia robber um anyway believe it or not we're still plugging things uh you can support us on patreon patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends get access if you if you support us you get access to a bonus episode and um and we also are doing a live, our monthly hangout this Thursday.

That's in two days. At 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. It's really fun. All the details will be online. Yeah, we're going to have some fun time. So let's get to some Bravo. Oh, yeah, let's get to some Bravo. What would you like to start with, Ben?

Let's start with The Real House is a Mail Bin. Right, let me get to that page. It was a surprise season finale. I did not realize it was a season finale until all of a sudden The Marriage of Figaro started playing. And then they're like, Lydia is spending most of her free time walking down the street. I was like, wait, what? It's over? It's over! The 20 event season finale.

They were like, we'll have a breakfast, a lunch, a dinner, a party, a ski trip. It's like, Jesus Christ, people. How do you even have time for all these events? I know. It was out of control. Well, the main event is that Petit Fleur was celebrating her 50th birthday. She's going to switch the bitch. For the record, I would like to add, this episode, I feel like more than others,

Petty Fleur kept on saying the word bitch. She was really like, she's like, come on, bitches. I'll show you bitches. Hey, bitches, let's get together, bitches. And not once did she snap. Not once. Not once. Terrible branding.

Terrible branding. When she switched the bitch, she switched the snap to a slap, and then she switched the slap to a kiss for her son. It's like the dumbest way to brand yourself using the word bitch, because it's like saying, it's like branding yourself Coca-Cola. Like, you say Coca-Cola

a lot, but that does not mean you. It's like you're just making the word bitch more popular. Who cares? How is this helping women fucking moron i know i know let's start at the beginning shall we ben because it was a dog race oh yes this is my favorite part of the episode i think uh petty floor showed up in this hat that looks like okay one time i was really drunk and um this is when i had xena and she was like 15 years old and she was just peeing all over the place and

she peed and so like I cleaned it up with all these paper towels and I was drunk and so I don't even have a garbage disposal so I don't know why I did this but I was shoving them down the drain of my sink in the kitchen and it looked like that hat. It looked like paper towels sticking out of my kitchen sink

when I'm drunk. Why? Why would you do that? Here's my hat bitches no snap Look at kitchen sink when I'm drunk. Why? Why would you do that? Here's my hat, bitches. No snap. Look at my hat, bitches. I'm here to sop up any bitchiness that comes out of you, bitch. You know what? You know what? People didn't think I was going to wear a hat,

and I told them I wasn't, but then I wore a hat. It's sort of like a hat trick. That's going to be the name of my new book, The Hat Trick. I came up with that term. Oh. That's me snapping the hat trick snap this was a real hat trick get over here bitch she was surprised when her dog didn't run didn't she like borrow that dog yeah that's the thing you know she's so competitive i mean she she she didn't she had like a dog named like max

and she's like well i would make that dog run you know because she's eddie expert even on dog running dog racing but yeah she didn't that's not her dog so she tried making it come to her with a think thin bar or something what is she doing she's offering chocolate i was like you know that dogs can't eat chocolate right it's like that did not win i'm having it put down and made it into a bitch hat. My dog eats chocolate. No one can tell my dog no. I just told the dog switch the bitch and by bitch I mean your digestive system.

You know how everybody – have you ever seen those articles where they say that people have dogs that look like them? Yeah. They show the picture of the dog and they actually do look exactly alike i wouldn't say that janet's dog looked like her but at least she named it properly because it's she named it boy chick which is hilarious it's totally that could be your drag name boy chick it's made me wonder i mean that's like a like that's a very like yiddishy name for someone like it's like an old yiddish like a mr mushnick phrase. Yeah. Boychick. Like you would think

that she would name her dog something like perfume, you know? Like, or like violet. Hello, come here, one giant nostril.

Come here, darling. Come here, triangle nostril. Papoose. I love that we're going to be able to talk so much about this episode

because I know we'll talk an hour about this episode, and really nothing fucking happened. Yeah, well, there was a moon, but we'll get to that. But I still took three pages of notes. Yeah. Let me see. Then we, after the dog race. By the way, and the winner of the dog race was Cash.

Can you believe that? Wolf pup. Can you believe that Cash, like, before, Cash couldn't do anything, and now it's trained enough to run in a straight line as fast as possible to its mother. Oh, I can't believe Figaro lost. I mean, Figaro was built for this, and I'm sure Lydia was shocked. Yeah, she's going to be showing up with a Figaro number two. They're going to be like, is that the same dog?

It's the same dog. It's anian greyhound it's my daughter uh yeah i was really proud of that little catch dog and i really just gamble so cute she has the personality of like a 10 year old whose feelings are hurt but she's not 10 yeah she is a piece of work, though. My feelings are still happy because Gina's supposed to be my friend. Why is she bringing up these rumors?

I don't understand the rumors anymore. Wolfie! Why is everybody so mean to me, Wolfie? Oh, Wolfie, everyone's so mean to me, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie, everyone's so mean to me, my sass parties.

And meanwhile, she's the first one to start making, like, sexual jokes, you know? So, like, that's a really good way to dispel the rumors. I have a strip of fobia. I don't like your dog, Lydia, because he's not going far. It's scaring me.

You know what I call this race? I call it Dogs Racing Doggy style, like Wolfie does for me. Huh? It's a joke. My favorite position is to be in a lane and have dogs run all over me. Oh, Gamble. What is he? So then we move on

to another Chica's Amazed at Someone's Apartment. Oh, yeah. She's like, oh, I think it's quite amazing. I think it's excellent. Every episode, Gina, I mean, Chica's walking into someone's home like, this is beautiful. Where'd you get the candlesticks? What a beautiful rug.

I've never seen anybody living like this. How amazing. How do your drawers open? Are they motorized? Do you have to open them yourself? How many dishwashers do you have? One fireplace, a tin. I'm not going to judge luxuries for luxurious people.

Am I right? I'd love to see her on House Hunters. It's like house number one. Well, you know, I would love to have a house that's close to town. But, oh, this is just wonderful. Look at this. It's a window. It's glass that you can see through.

I love that you can see that. You can see outside, but you're inside. This is just wonderful. There's blood on these walls, but a lot of people would call that modern art. So I say whoever died here, thanks for the bargain. It's going to be gorgeous. Oh, look, there's a ghost over there. It's a little girl who just, thanks for the bargain. It's gonna be gorgeous. Oh, look, there's a ghost over there. It's a little girl who just walked out of the TV. I think it's great.

What a great effect. It's really atmospheric. I love it. Like, shoot, like, haunted houses do not work on her. It's like, oh, there's a clanking up and upstairs. Oh, look, there's a twin. Look, there's Brucey's twin. They were separated at birth, and the twin is upstairs on a chair. I love it. I love it. It's a twin. Look, there's Brucey's twin.

They were separated at birth, and the twin is upstairs on a chair. I love it. I think there's somebody inside of me who died 100 years ago that murdered her children and hung herself on a tree. Well, I'll tell you what. I want to murder my children now, but it's a great feeling. So thank you, ghost. What a wonderful feeling. Oh, I love these walls that are bleeding.

It's very interactive. I love it. I love it. I think you've done great I love these walls that are bleeding. It's very interactive. I love it. I love it. I think you've done great things with these walls. The motorized drawers were bleeding out of the creases. I mean, what a house. You know what I love? If you go upstairs to the room, you open up the room, there's like a dead body crawling out of a bathtub. I love it.

It's a great place for children on their little big wheels to go racing around. I think it's great. I love what you've done here. children on their little big wheels to go racing around i think it's great i think a lot i love what you've done here this house used to be the house of a rapist who raped all the children on the street and then they got together and burned him and now he's coming back in their nightmares sounds luxurious i mean who wouldn't want a house with somebody coming in coming at them every night in their nightmares luxury i love what you've done with the telephone there's a tongue that comes out of it i love that it makes you feel very very relaxed telephone. There's a tongue that comes out of it. I love that. It makes you feel very relaxed.

We just need to put Chica in every movie genre of all time. Any haunted house, anything. No, any action. Listen, I'm too old for this shit, but I'll do it still because it's luxurious. So you have a machine gun too? Oh, I love that. You are so good with a machine gun Die hard? Is there any other way to die? What luxury

I love what you've done with Nakatomi Plaza It's great I think all these Japanese investors should be very happy And you know what, I'm so proud of the big group for catering this event I just wish I just wish those Germans would be able to come downstairs And enjoy our canapes Everyone's always wanting the bus to go faster And when it does, they complain I just wish those Germans would be able to come downstairs and enjoy our canapes.

Everyone's always wanting the bus to go fast, and when it does, they complain. I call it a speed luxury. I just love how fast this bus is going. It's just that this way you get from point A to point B, and it's just done. So funny. You know, I just, you know what, I love the way your new robot can move. I love how we can sort of melt and then reshape as something else. I think it's very innovative.

It's like that new Lexus grill. That looks serious. I love that your robot can speak Spanish. Hasta la vista. It's great. It's a great advance for robots. It can speak like my housekeeper, who's like family to me of course but mexican um so i was like by the way i was like ready to go for like 20 more minutes i was like give me a movie i am like i am ready to go sometimes the most luxurious thing to do to

a bit run is to just send it ben i know but i can't you know i've been drinking coffee and i just can't i I'm like, if we could work Chef Penny into this and Chef Penny and Chica, it'll just be my dream come true. I've tried to murder that bet run like it was my wife and I didn't want her to get all my money, so I hired someone to kill

Gwyneth Paltrow. How luxurious! You know, there's been a bit of squabbling with the girls lately and I thought the best way to bring everyone together was we'd have a retreat at Camp Crystal Lake, and it'll just be us. We'll be secluded. We'll go out on the lake, and it'll be a great time.

You know, there's a man there with a hockey mask, and I think that's just wonderful. It's just wonderful to see people playing sports and feeling alive. All right, I'll stop. and feeling alive. I'll stop. I'll stop. So this time Chica was amazed at Petty Floor's apartment. She's like, wow, this is amazing. And Petty Floor was even worse because as much as Gina can compliment someone, Petty Floor can compliment herself even more.

She even one-ups people when they're just trying to be nice to her. She's like, no, I'm nice to myself, then you are to me. Like, what a luxurious home. And Petty Floor's like, the most luxurious in the city. She's like, what a lovely balcony.

I have seven balconies. She's like, it's a great view of the city. She's like, oh, I have a great view of the country. I can see Asia. Chica tells her, oh, what a lovely hallway. We're going to do something with that. I mean, that hallway calls out for something.

It's like literally a poor person that people were kidnapped from Thailand. Like, can I please eat something? No, you can't eat. This is how you learn to be wealthy like me. Now shut up, you poor idiot. Switch the bitch and stop being hungry. Did I tell you how poor I was before I got this amazing apartment that looks over India and the entire country?

Did you know that this was the original location of the United Nations? They used to have General Assembly right here in my living room. So the reason Petaplor was going over there is because she has hired Chica to party plan her birthday party, which

we know is not going to end well. She demanded a staircase cake. She's like, I want to have two staircases that go up. They just go up, you know, and it is a representation of this, but it is also a representation of, what was the thing that she's... My journey. Of the opera house, but it's also the opera house.

So it's a staircase to an opera house. Yeah, she's like, I want this cake to represent my journey. It's like, sorry, we can't make a cake that's like blowing an old rich guy for a bentley okay it's a very difficult shape to me yeah and then blowing your son which we'll get to uh staircase my journey um it is hard to please this bitch it's like the last episode She's like oh yeah I forgot to get my tagline And she's like this bitch wants a This bitch wants a cake Hey I really loved your doorbell

Because your doorbell instead of ding dong It just says bitch bitch man I mean that's branding darling good job Bitch bitch Bitch bitch Ringtone for next week Bitch bitch You know what I loved bitch bitch ringtone for next week bitch bitch and when i you know what i loved i loved how when it was like noon

your grandfather clock went bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch when i took a pee in your loo right now. It just went BITCH! That's luxury. How'd you get the water to talk like that, darling? Chica is so nice. It just kills me, but she's also kind of the commentator about the show. So Petty Floor's like, listen, this is my birthday.

I don't want a bunch of bitches fighting. She's like, I just want everyone to be able to listen for when my son plays the grand bitch piano. And Chica's like, well, here's what's going on. Gina's coming around the corner at jackie but jackie's ready for and she's waiting there with a butter knife so gina's gonna come around the corner jackie's gonna be there who knows what's going on with jamie she's a wild card get a

storyline already get out of here fucking chica your storyline is telling everybody they have a fucking nice apartment. Stop. So then anyway. So then we move over to Lydia's dinner party. I know. Because every scene is a party today. Well, in the past, like, two, three episodes, they go from party to party. It's like they could have had, like, at least five more episodes. But I loved how when Lydia's describing the menu, she's saying how she brings out this, I guess, a renowned chef who makes this really nice looking dessert.

And Lydia's like, you know, I love cigars. And so Matt is making a cigar dessert. So Matt has made a wonderful dish around me. But, you know, every single time your likes intersect with someone else's ideas it doesn't mean that they did it because of you it's like yeah it's like what you went to that store this for me it's like you know what i like i like dessert and he's making dessert so he's almost like invented a whole other course for a meal based around what i like i'm just you know i had to buy him a few lines that i mean coming in from going into that grocery store was amazing because normally they're not open on a monday at noon they open just for me

you know it's amazing uh i had to drive there and usually the roads are closed but the road i could drive there freely it's like it's like they opened up the roads just for me fucking lydia and first of all okay third of all 20th of all yeah that dessert she's like the chef has made something that really represents me it's for me okay it was a phallic symbol rolled around in shit yeah it looked like a big long dog shit it's like. It's like a penis covered in shit just like me. It's in my marriage. It's like he understands what I have to put up with every day. That cigar is my son now.

Yeah, it's like, I like cigars. I like cigars. Who wants a fucking dessert based on a cigar? Well, no, I would do it. That's like a thing, like the dessert cigars. I've seen that before. That's an ashy, ashy, muddy mess. It does not sound good.

But I did love that it was basically a big shit-covered dick. Yeah. And nobody said anything. Of course, it did bring Janet to, How long do y'all keep your men hard? Keep your men hard for longer than five minutes. Jesus, lady. I know.

She should be calling up Emily Morse. Yeah, Emily would be like, maybe if he's not staying hard, you should be nicer to him. She was, that was uncalled for. That was from our bonus episode. Yeah, Janet went through her litany of what different things men can do to get hard. And I think it's funny because she fucks 20-year-olds. So either erectile dysfunction has spread or, you know, you should stop fucking 20-year-olds because there's a reason they can't get it up late. But she was talking about all the different men things that you can use now.

Like there's pills, obviously. And now there's like a jelly or something that you can put on your dick and it gets hard in 10 minutes. What the hell? Yeah, I didn't know about that. Yeah, I've never heard of that. Sounds amazing.

Well, you know, in Australia, they got all sorts of weird things. Janet, in this episode, well, really in the past few, has been so over the top, fakie, fakie, two-faced. I know. But I just love it because she's so Texas when she does that. Because that's how Southern people are.

They're like, honey, how are you? You look amazing. You look different. That means you look really fat. Like, there's all these hidden meanings. And that's what Janet does. She's like, like darling you're amazing here we are in your house look at you you're wonderful you're like nigella lawson did you

just call her a fat slut because i have a feeling that's what she meant i know that was that was amazing when she called lydia i was like although i will say lydia's food did look good. Um, yeah. You're like, yeah, whatever. No, no, it did. I was getting hungry. No, I was about to take a drink of tea. I was like, what's this bitch cooking on a bitch kitchen? She's like, can I please have the appetizer of escar-bitch? That would be wonderful, please.

I'll have some shrimp a la bitch. I'm going to have this dessert at my party and it's going to be called a bitch-ar. Did you hear about my birthday party? It's going to be called a winter bitch-er-land. Oh god. Pussy lick drink?

Oh, that's Janet. Would you like a pussy lick? Offering someone's mom or Lydia's mom a pussy lick drink Offering someone's mom or Lydia's mom a pussy lick drink. These notes. I take too many notes. These women were all horny, and exhibit A was Petty Floor giving a blowjob to the cigar. Oh, God, I missed that.

Oh, yeah, I think it was Petty Floor. She was fully filleting her cigar. Get this bitch in my mouth. She's not a nice one. Okay, now I'm flipping, and you know I don't know how to flip through this notebook. Yeah, you go flip. Something else happened in this episode here. Well, no, I think that what happened, I think that the next thing that happened was that we then went to Petty Flo getting ready for her birthday party.

Oh my goodness, this woman's a mess. So her first big issue is there's this giant moon, which already has me laughing that there's even a giant moon at this party. And Petty Fleur, it's like too high for Petty Fleur, because she's going to be doing a rumba, she announces, and I guess she'll be starting on the moon. And the moon cannot be adjusted, and someone needs to get this bitch moon down a little bit

because I'm not tall enough. Okay, well, just saw the set piece. Okay, we just built, like, a 10-foot-tall set piece for your fucking living room. She's like, no, I want it different. Like, they cannot make you a new moon today, okay? They're busy. And also, you shouldn't even be on a moon in the first place.

It doesn't make sense. It's not thematic. You're doing a winter wonderland. The moon has nothing to do with it, and you're going to be dancing to the song Petit Fleur, so you should at least be coming off of a flower or something. You know, the last thing you want is to come in a moon like Celine Dion in Caesar's Palace. Why couldn't they just get her a stepstool?

Did they really cut that moon down? Like, I cannot jump off the moon for my rumba. Who does this? I'm freaking out. That was her other phrase of the day. I'm freaking out. I'm, like, freaking out right now. This party isn't done.

I'm freaking out. Look at that tree. I'm going to freak out. It looks like a forest. Yeah, I mean, she was being so annoying because, basically basically she wanted her main hallway to look like Winter Wonderland. So first they put in all these like branches and stuff and flowers. And they're obviously not done. They obviously have not put in the snow.

And she's like, this looks like a flower shop to me. I'm like, well, guess what? You know what a Winter Wonderland looks like without snow? It looks like a flower shop. Okay, that's the way it works. All right, so let them put the snow on and then you can complain yeah but no she has to walk through and be as mean as possible to try and start a war with chica of all people who is not gonna have it you know because chica that's one thing you can't really mess with chica's business because she was

like the pity floor is being ridiculous you know she has some more flowers and branches we put that in now she says too floral i mean i i mean, I can't get it. I love her. That's what I love about her. She's so spunky. Yeah. Shut up, Chico. You're pissed. You admit it.

And Petty Floor is walking around just yelling at the, or not even yelling, but just telling the interns, basically, like two 20-year-olds. She's like, oh, who does this for their business? This is not a carpet. This is cream. I want winter. This is cream carpet. Who wants this? I'm going to freak

out. And she goes, no, it'll look good. She's like, I don't have time for the future, because what I see is right now, and I'm freaking out about it. That is not cream. Snow is not cream. It is not cream. Someone roll this bitch up and get it out of here. How are people supposed to pee their

names into the snow if it is cream? This is ridiculous. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out so much. It's like I'm walking on a giant slake of coffee mate. But, you know, what's funny is, you know, on some housewives, we've seen this a million times. On some housewives shows, when the party has to come together, they all this tense music and they're like where's the light the light's not happening and then they cut to like kyle being being like oh my god my

wife parties i do this every year and it's not coming together it's gonna be a disaster and then you know they always play tense music like what's gonna happen but you can see the the producers just don't even give a shit about Petty Floor. The music was like... It's just like... It's just like, I'm freaking out. It was like when you watch Survivor and they play the idiot coconut music. Where it's like... They play some weird percussion. It's like...

They do that on Top Chef whenever there's a really dumb chef. Like one of the ones that they just want to kick off early. They're like, I made this amazing thing. It's like. It's like always some fat fucking guy. It's like they drop percussive instruments down a staircase. If only you could actually hear that music while you were competing, you would know what's coming. You're never going to make it.

that music while you were competing you would know what's coming you're never gonna make it also speaking of that uh that uh piece of shit that literal shit dessert that reminded me of top chef do you remember i think it was season one or two where there was that guy who was like an applebee's like literally an applebee's chef or something like a line cook and he hated the guest judge and so it was uh that d Dana Cowan chick and he hated her so they had to make stuff out of a vending machine so he made that poop Cheeto. I forgot about that. He was like an asshole.

In an interview later he was like it was amazing making Dana Cowan eat a giant piece of dick shit. Make that bitch eat it. Where were we, darling? Darling, we were talking about the preparations for Petty Floor's party.

Oh, Petty Floor. Yeah, she was ridiculous and trying to be a big diva, but it didn't work, and Chica is not going to fall for that. She's like, oh, thank you for calling customer service. This is Chica of chica design you don't like it darling i'm gonna see what we can do about that all right don't freak out don't

freak out remember that you're living in luxury i'm gonna be there in time in luxurious time i think that i do it's like in an hour i know i think that pity floor is like a little bit impatient uh but you know, I love her. I love that about her. That's how she get things done. I love that about her. But she's still a bit impatient. This is not winter.

In winter, there should be poor people without shoes begging for money, wishing they were old enough to have sex with the men to get Bentleys. What the hell kind of winter is this? This is supposed to be winter in New York. I do not see it. By the way, I liked how the winter wonderland

theme only existed in the hallway and then you go into like that then it's just like her apartment and then it's dancing with the not stars okay so carpet is gray wanted flowers blah blah blah chica. Okay, so then Janet goes over to Manuela's house. Oh, yes, Manuela. Because Manuela is like the behind-the-scenes Queen Bee, I guess. She's the Faye Resnick of Melvin. Well, I wouldn't call Faye Resnick the big puppet master. I kind of got the impression that Manuela was kind of a puppet master. I kind of got the impression that Manuela was kind of a puppet master.

I actually like Manuela, but for some reason physically she reminded me of Faye Resnick, even though they don't even look alike, but for some reason I was getting a lot of Faye Resnick from her. Manuela's a horrible human being, and I hope she's on next year, because I'm going to love

to watch her. I don't mind Manuela to be honest. I think she's sort of funny. I'm going to love to watch her. I don't mind Manuela, to be honest. I think she's sort of funny. I like that. That girl is nothing but a shit stirrer. That girl is a life ruiner on purpose for fun. She's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like she just sits there with her.

Yeah. Fucking weird, holier-than-thou smile. I kind of like it. Yeah. She seems awful, though. But I like her. I want her to be on next year. But I don't even know what this scene was except to get Manuela in here a little bit.

But it was Janet basically being like, hi, Manuela. It's me, Janet. I just want to stop talking about the rumor. Yeah. Another scene about Janet bringing up a rumor that she doesn't want to talk about. I know. I don't even remember what this was about. I don't remember it either.

Somehow Manuela was like, I'm going to be mean to Gamble now. Yeah, basically. And so then finally we get over to the party. Do we get there? Oh, yeah. More or less. So we get to the party. Right.

And it's the big reveal. And Petty Flu is walking through the hallway. And she opens her eyes and she's like, oh and it's the big reveal and petty flu is walking through the hallway and she opens her eyes and she's like oh it's so pretty after all that she's like yeah she's like but i'm i have no regrets about the way i acted because had i not busted some balls these bitches wouldn't have gotten this bitch ready god she's the worst like what did you being a bitch have anything to do with this being a bitch did not light this room okay yeah like they already had their bags of snow like they would have it would have happened um also that sweater that pediflora was wearing in her testimonials

have boob cups that are above her nipples what is she doing she just says she's just trying hard. She's just a very thirsty lady. Is that like nose shading? Are we supposed to see them as higher? I don't know. It's like she's doing contouring for her upper chest area. I want you to see my collarbone. Gamble walks in and is like, oh, what did I think? It was an ejaculating forest.

That forest came everywhere. Like Woofie. Like Woofie, that forest came everywhere. It was an ejaculating forest. But I don't have sex parties. How dare you say I have sex parties? I'm very prudish. Oh, it's an ejaculating forest.

Oh, Wolfie. Someone take my picture of being ejaculated on my trees for Facebook. No one will get the wrong impression. Oh, I have a pearl necklace of forest ejaculate. Oh, no sex parties.

Darling, I heard you had a sex party with a bunch of fake trees from Michael's. They were not fake trees. They were the trees from Snow White. And they told me to go running because there was an apple coming my way. I was evil. It wasn't Michael's. It was the Hobby Lobby.

It rhymes and I like poems. Wolfie. Wolfie, you know I love going to World... I forgot the name of it. Wolfie, I forgot the name of the store I like to go to. Lydia. World Market. Oh, World Market.

World Market with Wolfie. Lydia's such a bitch with a smile on her face. I've really enjoyed Lydia this whole season, by the way. Well, she's been like, she's been like, she's just walking around like she like she just was next to a church bell that rang like bong. And she's like, what? What? I can't hear you. She's just so stupid.

I love her. She's like, I'm so honored to be at Petty Floor's birthday. I mean, half of a hundred. That's a long, long time. So happy hun birthday. Seventies really old. You know what i just realized 50 is right in between 49 and 51 that's pretty amazing it's almost like 50 is the daughter of 51 um what who was gamble talking to when she said, I don't want to talk to Manuela.

She's aggressive. She has this friend who looks sort of like Elvira, Mistress of the Night. At least has the same hair. Oh, it was that dark-haired chick? I think so. Because she was like, Manuela's very aggressive to me. And then that chick runs right over to Manuela and is like,

That girl called you aggressive, killer. Yeah. Well, no. And then Manuela is like, the Manuela is like, Sue, I hear you think I'm aggressive. Am I aggressive? Am I aggressive?

Yeah, she comes sauntering over there and heels too tall with that neck that looks like it could wrap up an entire family and suffocate them, by the way. She looks terrifying. These big old toilet lid teeth that can chomp down on your head anytime and she looks literally looks down on gamble and she has this big fake smile on her and she's like so how are you gamble and gamble's like oh fine she's like really that's wonderful well i think i've heard that you're calling me aggressive is that so she's like oh no you're aggressive well i liked i liked her response as much like no

yes well you're aggressive no wolfie how am i aggressive yeah you were doing it perfect i'm aggressive how am i aggressive what am i doing what am i doing it perfect. I'm aggressive? How am I aggressive? What am I doing? What am I doing to scare you? Am I scaring you? Am I scaring you? Yeah, and she's like, well, you know, you spread rumors about me, and I don't appreciate the rumors. I like the friend when she's like, well, you are being scary. What are you doing? Back off. Manuela's like, please don't interrupt me. I'm having my moment to get on the show thank you and uh she starts trying to intimidate gamble and gamble looked like she

was about to piss herself and then she was like fuck this you know and so she like flips the bitch and she was like and she was like you need to get laid, all right? She just went crazy. She's like, what's wrong with you? She's like, grow the fuck up talking about this rumor. I'm sick of talking about it. You women all need to go get laid. Slandering my character. And then Janet comes over.

And then it's like, you know, she hears this thing about slandering the character. Janet's like, no, you listen. I'm sorry. I'm still in, like, my gamble voice. I'm like, I can't get out of it character Jan's like now you listen I'm sorry I'm still like my Gamble voice I'm like I can't get out of it I'm like oh I'm jealous Jan's like now you listen like when is it gonna get into your little head that I wasn't trying to slander your character

I didn't come up with the rumor I just sang it to warn you of it and I was doing the exact opposite when's it gonna get into your little head? You know, and Gamble's like, I didn't hear anything you just said. Could you repeat that, please? Janet. When are you going to stop talking about the rumor?

Nobody cares about this rumor. Why do you bring up the rumor every day? It's like, she did not bring it up your stupid friend did because you went to her house and brought it up before you brought it up at the dinner party before you brought it up at the other party stop bringing it up you dumb bitch and janice like oh stop talking about it did you hear campbell talking about the rumor the room. Ah! Stop it. Just stop it. So then this fight with Jackie and Gina started.

And Gina gets in because then Oh, I don't remember. How did this fight even start? I'm trying to remember now. Well, I guess the dance was before the fight. If you want to discuss the dance. Oh, yeah. Well, we have to discuss the dance because then the son is like I love my mom i love my mom we have sex every day i love my mom and then uh like the doors open and there's petty floor on a moon and she starts doing her rumba

oh god his speech he's like there was a time this kid is such a drama queen it's like there was a time when the most beautiful woman in the world wasn't here yet and all that was here on earth to represent her were her beautiful amazing parents

her parents went to a dance one evening at a dance hall and they knew right when they danced with each other for the first time that it was meant to be. And they went home, and they planted a little flower seed inside of a vagina that grew into a short, evil woman with a terrible accent. It's my mother. Please welcome. It's like someone put a beach in that vagina

he's like the song they were dancing to pedophore well thank god they weren't dancing to cold-hearted snake or some shit pedophore is an awkward enough name yeah they were dancing to the song Bitch is back. They were dancing to the song Wake me up before you go go. Here to dance a beautiful romantic rumba is my mother Wake me up before you go go.

Oh no! Oh, no. So then the dance. So then after the dance, Chica is hilarious, by the way, in this whole scene. So then after the dance, she's like, oh, no, wait, there is more. I'm like, oh, no. It's like, wait, bitches. Bitches, there's a second act, bitches. My son is going to play chopsticks because my parents had Chinese food that night.

And plays the exact same song they just all listened to. But this time, she is standing next to the piano with her eyes closed, like sexually dancing back and forth. And she's almost doing her snap. She's almost doing her snap, but she's still not doing her snap. Still doesn't quite have it.

Oh, my God. She's getting close, but not quite there. And Chica is dying laughing. Yeah. Chica can't control it. And then, of course, after, she's like,

oh, I think it was great. I think it was wonderful. You know, I kept on laughing because it's just so perfect. Oh, I loved it. I brucey would do that um so then we got to the fight the big janet and gina whatever yeah and by the way janet and gina spent the whole episode leading up to this talking about how they really like each other but it's like it's like you know janet janet's like i mean not janet uh uh what's her face shine shine shine jackie's like a it's like a jerk he's like a younger younger

teen sister you know you never know when she's gonna flare up but then we will go get a meal together and then and jackie's best saying the same thing so we knew they were gonna have a fight yeah um i'm trying to see jack Jackie versus oh it started wait Jackie versus Gamble you know what it was because Gamble was mad at Gina for bringing up the stripper like the fact that her makeup

lady is involved with was like somehow part of the rumors so Gamble was like confronting Gina about that right oh right right right right and then Jackie came into it but then how did Jackie come part of the rumors. So gamble is like confronting Gina about that. Right. Oh, right, right, right, right.

And then Jackie came into it, but then how did Jackie come into it? I think because then, because Gina was denying that she was trying to stir up trouble. And then I think, and then they started talking about the morning show. They started talking about the morning show. Yeah. Like,

like how Gina was going about, like how Gina said, let's throw the new girls under the bus and Gina's like, it was all in fun. It was in fun. Just joking, darling. Of course, you'd be like, oh, that was fun, girls. Alright, let's throw the new girls under the bus.

I mean, of course you talk about that shit. Right. But yeah, then Jackie's like, listen here. Listen here. You know I don't lie. I'm rich. I'm gorgeous. My husband's in a silver you know i don't lie all right i'm rich i'm gorgeous my husband's in silver chair i don't lie what do i have to lie about huh what do i have to lie about and then she starts getting all ghetto and gina's like listen i don't need some little horrible bogan woman coming after me and then and then didn't gamble wasn't gamble the one who said

something about like oh i think i think that the the angels are messed up in your brain. I think your angels are... And then that's what set Jackie off. She's like, I don't know about this psychic thing. Your angels aren't really nice. Yeah, and Jackie's like, now you're talking...

You know, being psychic is very serious to me. Now you're getting... That's not being couture. You're not like Petty Floor's Moon, which was very couture. You're like Petty Floor's asshole, which is not couture. Don't fuck with floor's moon which is very couture you're like petty floor's asshole which is not couture don't fuck with the angels don't fuck with my angels those are my angels i'm psychic i'm psychic and now you're messing with my profession you can't do

that my husband's i heard i heard that your angels are having a sex party for harrowing oh your angels and your demons make a movie with Tom Hanks and then they have sass in the movies. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about

when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.

student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus

but then they all just jackie just like lost her shit was really going after gina well she did that i lost this until jackie repeated it later i missed this i mean but gina i guess said i'm not talking to you. You both have dilated pupils. Oh, that's what it was. That was the thing that set up. Gina's like, I'm just like, I'm not sticking around. I see dilated pupils.

I'm getting out of here. And Jackie was like, you know, Gina always sees these things and just walks off. It's not right. I can't believe you said I had dilated pupils. Meanwhile, she's opening her eyes as wide as possible and her button pupils are popping out. Like, yep.

The angels are taking over my eyes. Yeah. Listen, I'm in silver chair. It's very different. It's not called cocaine. It's called breakfast, alright? It's what we do. Feed your nose, alright? Losers. The news news. But she got pissed and Gina kept walking away. And then Jackie just kept following her around.

Why won't you talk to me? Let's talk. Let's talk. Do you want to fight? Gina's like, no, you're tired, busy, tired, whatever. Like not going to fight with her. So then we had a blood, sweat and heels moment jackie is like trying to bang open the door to one of the seven balconies oh

not the photos blah blah blah and then it just kind of ends yeah it's like oh I'm leaving yeah and then all of a sudden the music changes to like

I think it was Marriage of Figaro and then it does the thing at the end of the season where it like zooms in on the face and then says like you know what they've been up to

and I was like what? I didn't know this was the season finale. I did love that it ended with Gina going, I'm not fighting with some random bogan woman. A terrible high mileage thing. That's what she said.

I wrote that down. That's amazing. A terrible high mileage thing. Love you. So, yeah, then they start. Petaflores was basically like, I'm petaflore and i'm freaking out bitches she's like this party this party was great i am over the moon about it but not this moon because it's too tall for me i cannot be over the moon about this party but i can be leaning on

the moon for this party okay i'm gonna put that leaning on the moon for this party, okay? I'm going to put that on your... Yeah, Gina. Hey, astronomers, there's a moon in my living room. Take that, bitches. Oh, look, it's my son. I can see your anus. Hey, bitches, did you hear that Pluto is no longer a planet? Take that, Pluto, you stupid bitch. That was pretty much it.

Houston, we have a bitch. In space, nobody can hear you scream, bitches. Look, I'm your bitch all right so that was fun what a fun season and we've got two more episodes because it's reunion time yes real housewives of mel real housewives of melbourne does not do a lost footage episode, but I would love to see some extra scenes of Janet trying to have sex with some old person for an hour. Helicopter, helicopter, helicopter.

It's like the opening of MASH. Potatoes. Did you make these? Oh, you must have done it for me. I love mashed potatoes. I'm so glad you invented this vegetable for me. I'd like to thank Russia for inventing the potato. They did it for me.

Yeah, thank you for growing it. I heard they were going to stop growing potatoes worldwide, but I said, no, I like potatoes. They said, okay, we'll keep the crops open next stop corn so what do you want to talk about i don't even know what i mean how to stop corn do you want to do uh blood sweat do you want to do uh candyat? Do you want to do Candy Ski Trip? What would you rather do, Ben? I'll tell you exactly what I want to talk about next. Riley.

Riley. Let's talk about Candy Ski Trip. Trying to do Candy Laughing. Candy, Candy. Candy Ski Trip. Candy, Candy Ski Trip. Wow. um candy candy candy candy candy ski trip wow so candy's mom doesn't suck her whole family fucking i what the hell i loved candy ski trip oh my god if it's just the ants complaining the whole time i'll watch oh I thought it was so funny. You know what I liked about it?

Aside from the fact that these ants grumbling and complaining so much, aside from the fact that that was so entertaining, I just, for some reason, I found it to be all oddly relatable. Like, I can imagine going on a big trip with my extended family and these things would come up you know yeah all the fights are cray cray like just stupid shit you know well it opens with candy candy saying she's taking her family on a trip because she like won it or something she went like somebody gave it to her on a like for publicity or something i do not think they meant a ski trip for 20 people

or how many ever the hell people you've got on this thing. I love that Bargain Basement Candy's like, well, it's free. Let's all go. I know, exactly. That's the funny part. It's a free trip, and yet they spend the entire time complaining.

And Todd's trying to be, they do their testimonial thing at the beginning together where they're like i'm candy and i'm todd and we're gonna take a ski trip or whatever yeah and todd is trying so hard to be charming and likable and high energy and loving the candy and he's like a bad child actor is not yeah like literally he looks like a child actor with some stippled on facial hair to paraphrase mean girls the reason why his hair is so tall is because it's filled with lies. Yeah, he's like, oh, I can't wait, Candy. Like, oh, good.

Here we go. I know. So they take everybody on this trip, including the assistants, Carmen and what's the other guy? Well, there's Carmen and Don Juan. And then there's even Todd's like overly enthusiastic assistant, whatever his name was. Oh, we'll get to him. Yeah, we'll get to him. So we get to everybody packing and the mom and the aunts are like bringing their own food in a suitcase.

They're bringing their own grits. Yeah. Which is amazing. My grandma used to do that too then we got a scene before they leave of Mama Joyce being nice to Todd at the grave she's like I didn't love your mother Todd

but I'm sorry she's dead I brought some condoms to put her on the grave cause she's a whore I know whores don't use condoms, but you can always try, even after death, to improve someone's character,

Tom. I know that if there's one thing your mama would want in the afterlife, it's just lots and lots of dick. So I brought some lube to bury with her. Because she's a whore. I can't wear her fur coat to

pimp it up while we're visiting your mama, Todd. Todd, I'm sorry that you're the only man here. I know that Sharon would have wanted many many men to be here with her right now. Oh, good. So we know trouble's coming

because when they ask Mama Joyce if she's excited, she says, I can't be in the room with Carmen and not want to drag her. So flight, flight, flight, flight, drive, drive, drive, drive. Everybody starts getting pissed off because. So this is Todd's assistant.

Yeah. So what happens is they. Yeah, I forget his name. They fly to Steamboat. Well, they fly to Colorado. They're going to go to Steamboat Springs or whatever it's called. And this assistant, he shows up and he's like, all right, everyone, I got you some emergency. And it's going to be in this hot apple cider.

And he pulls out basically like four cups of hot apple cider, which I thought was actually pretty poor. If you have a whole group coming, you don't get apple cider just for Todd and his crew. Yeah, and then Todd and his crew go in one car and then everybody else was put on like a van. Although, to be fair, I thought the bus was nicer than the SUV. Yeah, but that's just where it started because the ants were like,

oh, here we are on the back of a bus in our own family. I was like, oh no, here we go. They were already pissed. That assistant guy is like how a black guy would imitate a nerdy white guy. He's like, hi guys, it's me,

the white guy. I've got medicine and everybody needs to be safe. It's like, oh God, what is with the white people on these shows? First it was last week with Kenya Moore as a white actor trying to act like he was black. And now this week, the white guy's trying to act like he's as white as possible. What is happening?

Can we just get some normal white people on these shows? No, never. It's payback for all the black people who get, like, poorly married. For all the awful black people who wind up on these shows that then white America thinks is the way black America is. Yeah. This is Caucasian karma. It's payback.

I think we can take one for the team. It's okay. Yeah, Caucasian karma. So they're driving, and then when they finally get to their cabins, you know that Aunt Nora and Aunt Bertha and Weenie have been stewing over that apple cider. They are pissed. You know, they probably are hungry. If anything else, they are clearly hungry, and they need some food, because, you know,

hanger can run in my family, and I've seen it happen, and I've been the victim of it many times, and I recognize it, and Aunt Bertha was clearly hangry at that moment. She's like, we waited, you know, two, first we fly, then we have to drive for two hours. And then, she's like, I'm not happy at all. I'm not happy about this.

She's pacing around, chain smoking and candy's like, come on now. See? See? Now, Bertha, Aunt Bertha, like, why are you so mad right now bertha's like listen i understand that she was hangry but like what does she want to happen does she want somehow don juan to move the entire resort town of steamboat springs 10 minutes away from the airport it's just what happens this is i just love this family because they all act like they're successful like you are not the you are not the one who had a successful career and got rich, okay?

You do not have the right to be a diva. But this isn't just being a diva. This is old lady diva. And I think you do kind of earn it. So I'm going to take back my other point. Well, no. I mean, this is like, honestly, all their complaining, which we'll get into. But all their complaining that they went through this episode.

You know what? Deep down, they were loving it. Because these old old ladies and weenie they got nothing better to do you know like they're they're like a gift to them is giving them something that they can like sit and talk about over and over and over again and get themselves angry and angry and angry and then it's a thing and now they're like their their time is occupied with the stupidity better than bridge better than bridge yeah and then we have the white guy trying to like make bertha happy which was my favorite part of the entire show god she's sitting there with her arms crossed on the couch he's like hi ambertha i got you some food she's like i don't want your food

take that back away take your plate young man it's like everybody likes food I don't want your food. Take that back away. Take your plate, young man. He's like, everybody likes food. I don't. Do you want some lotion? No. Do you want a kiss? No. Do you want me to rub your feet? No. Who does that? I know. All of my husbands rub my feet. This is how people get killed at the zoo, by the way.

This is how. Remember those two kids who were drunk up in like San Francisco or Oakland or wherever they were, San Jose? They were at the zoo, and they taunted a tiger. They got up in that tiger's business, and you know what the tiger did? The tiger ran and jumped out of the tiger pen and killed them both. Good for him. Yeah, that's how this happens right here.

This assistant, he is lucky he still has his head. He went up, he was messing with Aunt Bertha like learn some social cues my friend that white guy even has dumb and dumber hair he has jim carrey dumb and dumber hair yeah yeah come on i was gonna kill him and aunt bertha you ain't my husband so funny so then you see mama joyce's face over there just watching this and she's dying like her her joker smile the only time she's happy is when there's misery around so i was glad to see her smile um then the answer showed their room uh quote this room ain't no nice she was not having that room she was was like, oh, hell no. Oh, so now they're even more mad.

And then we get a cute scene with Riley and Kayla. Is her name Kayla? This is like, hey, Kayla. How's it going? Hey, so I broke up with my boyfriend. You did? What did you say to him i said i don't know i don't know if we should go on and i was like oh yeah he's like okay so that's what i told him

but she didn't even break up with him her friend did she's like my friend broke up with my boyfriend and she's like why'd your friend do it she's like like, I don't know. She didn't like him. And Kayla's like, yeah, that's cool. I was watching it with someone who has never really watched before, has watched some of the show, but didn't really know about these girls, and was like, are these two girls slow? He really asked, seriously, like, oh, do they have a mental condition? I was like, no, that's just the way they talk. But I want to get back to the showing off of the rooms because.

Oh, okay, good, good. You didn't say anything, so I skipped on past. No, no, no. I just got distracted because I was looking up the story about the tiger that killed people at the zoo. um so um the thing is that the main house were it was candy and todd mama joyce and the two daughters which makes sense right and then you have like another cabin that's like pretty much next door and you have all of todd's family and then then the three the three assistants and then there's this third house cabin that cabin, that's like down a ways. And then it's like up a staircase.

And that's where like the ants and Weenie were placed. So the ants were pissed. They were pissed off that they had to walk all the way down and upstairs. I mean, every step it was like a crime against humanity. I mean, every step it was like a crime against humanity. But that being said, for as much as they were complaining and griping, I do think it was kind of ridiculous to put these older ladies down like a slope and up a staircase. Like, I'm shocked that they were not that basically Don Juan and Carmen got better lodging than these women. Well, I think it's probably because they work for candy,

so they have to be closer to the house to do stuff. Yeah. The dinner's ready for everybody. Exactly. They're there to do stuff. But, of course, it's easier. I didn't notice that it was up a slope. I mean, I heard them complaining about the stairs,

but, I mean, she said 12 stairs. She was like, there's 12 stairs over there. No, no, no. She was saying that the other house, when the Don Juan was in, that was 12 steps away. Oh, oh, oh. But of course, the moment, so then there was like this whole thing, you know, so the aunts and Weenie, they get into a tizzy down in their cabin. When they come up for dinner, they are mad. And Kenny's like, why are you looking so upset? And they're like, and Weenie's like why are you looking so upset and they're like and weenie

is like oh my god weenie when she was talking to the aunt she's like this is not right i'm gonna fix this like she was ready to go listen you may not know where weenie's coming from but you never piss off your food source okay these women cook for weenie she is not it's like yelling at a twinkie you'll never see it done ever no matter what that twinkie does to you yeah so he's gonna stay on the good side of the women that is correct so weenie was like you won't you put the two old ladies down there another street like so far away how could you do that to your aunts? You put them all the way down there when they have this. So then Candy's like, all right, see you now, Riley. We'll just move Riley and Kayla down the street,

and then you guys can live up here. So then Candy's like, what? What? I was like, what? So then she's like, see you now, Riley, pack your bags. And Riley's like, oh, I don't want to. That's not fair. This is an injustice. And Candy's like, well, I tried my best.

I'm going to have my friend break up with you for me. So then Candy comes back. She's like, see, now, I don't know what I'm going to do. He goes like, we was going to move Riley, Riley. But then she doesn't want to go. So like, I don't know what I'm going to do. He goes, like, we was going to move Riley, Riley. But then, like, she doesn't want to go. So, like, I don't know what I'm going to do. But then Don Juan and Carmen are like, well, we can just go down there. I'm like, oh, okay.

I'm like, yeah, obviously. Obviously move the assistants, you know. But then once they're like, okay, so they're like, okay, so Aunt Nora and Aunt Bertha, you'll be taking over Carmen and Don Juan's room. And then they're like, okay, so Aunt Nora and Aunt Bertha, you'll be taking over Carmen and Don Juan's room. And then they're like, no. Not no, but they were still pissed. Yeah, they want the master bedroom. I'm like, you just said before that it was only 12 steps away, and now you're angry again?

They were being awful. Those women, I'm telling you, the three of them are just awful. You know they're awful at all times to everybody about everything now that we've seen them for one episode you know where mama joyce gets it from they must have got it from their folks or something because they're all awful yeah all three well but then it turns out that the real source of the issue was something else all the women gathered in the living room it's like you call. You used to call up every single day. You don't come. Weenie was crying. Everyone's crying. But you know the way old people

are. They are the biggest exaggerators on the planet. You know, she's like, you used to call up every Sunday. We would have these hot conversations. You know that they talk like once every six weeks, you know? Yeah. And Candy had a good point. It's like she's, you know, like they talked like once every six weeks you know yeah um and candy had a good point it's like she's you know her mom's making her mom was making her life a

living hell when she was getting with todd and every you know when she goes to her family's house they just kind of join him with a mom it's like you know there's a reason yeah i just like that they made the white guy sit at the kids table with the two the. And that was a literal kids table for like five-year-olds. It was all the way on the ground. Everybody's kneeling down. And he's like, so guys, what do you like to do? And they're like, nothing. He's like, great.

Do you want the mustard? No. Are you sure? Do you want a butt rub? Oh, my God. I'm going to kill him. You kind of love that they put him at the kids' table. That was funny.

It was amazing. I loved it. I was like laughing the whole way through. I was really entertained. Yeah, it's a fun show. People seem to be mixed about it on our Facebook page. Actually, not mixed. I think everybody just hates it. We'll have to see what people

say. I like it. I mean, I think it's funny. I'm going to watch it. Yeah, I mean, it's sort of hard to say anything about it because it's like what we always say about Atlanta. It's already funny on its own, so what can you add to it? You know? Yeah. But what other shows would be coming up that we could cover for this Tuesday episode? Only Married to Medicine.

We got Married to Medicine coming up. OMG. When does that begin? Like in June. So in June, a whole bunch of new shows are coming. So we got Married to Medicine. We got Real Housewives of Orange County coming up soon. That's going to be on Mondays. We're going to have just other stuff.

Oh, yeah. So there's always something crappy coming down. Yeah, don't you worry, Ronnie. Bitches. Like I said, crappy. It's branding, bitch. Hey, bitches, we have another show. We have another show coming down the pipeline on Bravo. It's called Real Housewives of Orange Bitch County. I'm freaking out.

I'm freaking out about Orange County. The entire county is orange. How is that possible? It's supposed to be a winter wonderland. They named it that before spray tanning, y'all. Alright, so now let's move on to Blood, Sweat, and Heels. Yay!

Um, so on this episode, they decide to go back to the Hamptons. Oh yeah, it was a fun episode. So, um, first things first, there was... Demet demetria oh god demetria is like well actually demetria is being well no she's not she's letting her man do the dirty yes she is

i actually think that she control that he controls anything in that relationship ever yeah i actually it's you know what's funny is that as I started to say it, that's the reason why I stopped. I was like, wait a second, no. Demetria was not being nice. Demetria was not standing up for her friend. Greg was being totally irrational by saying that he wants

to disinvite Geneva. I mean, I get why he wants to disinvite her because he wants Wesley Snipes at your wedding. But in this case, you know, that's Geneva's, I mean, that's Demetria's friend.

Demetria's like, oh, okay. I mean, Greg, why are you putting me in this position? Why are you putting me in this position, Greg? I'm like, whatever. You don't get put in position, Demetria.

Yeah, that is totally a case of the woman controlling the man. Because, you know, he said all this stuff already at home. She's acting like she's never heard it, and blah, blah, blah. At home, she was probably like, yeah, fuck them. Fuck all of them get her out of there she's not part of this wedding and then at the cake story's like i've decided she's like oh but she's my friend first of all if she's such your friend then why don't you just

tell him nope sorry she's my friend i'll like try and get her to apologize but you're not gonna disinvite my friends to my wedding yeah exactly it's like as easy as that yeah i don't buy any of that um but it's still fun because it makes me hate them even more and they're kind of fun to hate because they're they're very high on themselves both of them right very and melissa it just has an axe to grind with her frowny negative eyebrows and her angular square frown eyebrows now this time they are rectangular but she's mad and so she came over and so she's ready to get her own revenge on everybody through them.

Which isn't going to work because the issues are just so different. You're just like a crazy like kind of loose ex-video star girl and this woman who wrote a book. Like you're never going to be on the same... As much as you're on the same side today, you're never going to be on the same side in life

so stop Melissa's so annoying this season yeah she really is it's all in the brows I'm telling you your eyebrows can change your entire personality so anyway so what happened after this

I don't remember the order that things happened but I know that Micah had like another visit with her suit, the guy she's seeing, which was unremarkable. Yeah. Geneva went over to see Chantal at her little office. Oh, she's like,

Oh my God. Like five hot bartenders backed out of this gig. I don't know what I'm gonna do and geneva's like girl you just need to masturbate that's all you really need just jerk off every once in a while touch yourself that's what you do when you're sad that was geneva's whole thing today is just just have more sex yeah um but geneva is wearing a orange let me get this straight, an orange plaid overcoat, a velvet red scarf that's plaid,

and an orange hat with a pink ribbon. What the fuck is she doing? It was a disaster. It was like plaid threw up on her. She was like some strange ode to bagpipers. I don't know what it was, but it was really terrible. I like bagpipers.

They wear skirts. You know how easily they can reach their dicks? They probably masturbate all day long. That's why they're so happy. She's like, I'm taking ownership of bagpipers because bagpipers are who play when a cop dies. And you know what? When I

had my civil rights destroyed, when I was not going to pay those $7 for that cab, and when the cop threw me in jail, I said, I'm going to take the bad piper from you. Oh my god, she's wearing plaid every day now. And Shanti's like, thank you so much for coming to my office. I know it's small, but you know, I'm just starting out. Plus, I have lots of pens with the company name on them it's like how many pens do you have she had like 500 pens in that tiny office they're like shanti's hot bartenders well yeah what's the name of her

stupid uh her staffing agency again is there something like a door or something like that or oh sexy i forget who needs to read workout and company yeah um so anyway they were like Demetria oh Demetria was smiling because she had a drink remember he gave her a drink that's like the only time she can smile in life if she has a drink yeah um then she had some photo shoot she's like I'm having this photo shoot for this magazine because of my wedding it's it's gonna be big like it's happening like this wedding is happening I can't believe it I because of my wedding, it's going to be big. It's going to be huge. Like, it's happening. Like, this wedding is happening.

I can't believe it. I'm like, yeah, we know it's happening because you talk about it every single week, okay? You don't try to act like you're above it. Like, these things just are, like, falling into place. Like, oh, like, you don't really want to get engagement photos, but, like, you just happen to get them. Or, like, oh, my God. Like, no, you are just like every other blushing bride on TLCc you want to have your big moment and you want to have it on tv we get it just be honest about it well you know one thing she was honest about the only thing i

really care about with weddings the cake of course you do well thank you for at least being that much self-aware she's like i don't care what happens but give me some fucking good cake all right yeah exactly um so then they have then we have the date with chantal and the boring rich white guy who's like hey what do you like to do i like saving children have you ever seen a cat up a tree if so call this number i'll be there right away with the ladder love it love children love poor people too because they need me the most just Just got back from work at the soup kitchen. Nothing says I have a small dick more than overdoing it with the charity work.

Am I right, guys? What else? Then we get to taste cancer in the Hamptons. Oh, yeah. That was an awkward moment when they're all like they make it to the hamptons and everything is fine and dandy and they start to play truth or dare and um and geneva's like daisy why'd you have a drink why'd you have a drink and everyone's like sort of just ignores

her the first time she says it you know and i was like i was even her the first time she says it. You know, and I was like, I was even wondering the first time she said it, I kept thinking to myself, did she really just ask the woman with liver cancer to have a drink? Come on, it's not in your kidney. Masturbate. Yeah. Like, she's like,

she's like, you know, we just took some taxes over here to the Hamptons and I think we all deserve a drink for making it here without being beaten up and put into jail. Daisy, you start. Look how that cab driver's still waiting outside for me to pay him he doesn't get my money it's because i'm black oh my god uh so i mean geneva just kept on putting her foot in her mouth i'm like i'm surprised she didn't say, like, come on, have a drink. What do you got?

Liver cancer or something? Drink up. It's like being at St. Jude's Hospital in here. Can I get a drink? Yeah. So she doesn't get it. So they're like, oh, I guess no one told her about cancer. So Melissa and who tells her?

Melissa and Demitri dimitri is like well you know that time when you didn't come to that lunch well i mean i guess i forgot to tell you but the cancer is kind of a big deal okay woman who's constantly saying big deal over and over again cancer's a big deal you idiot geneva's like i'm sorry i didn't see it on my fact sheet so maybe that's why I didn't know about it um yeah so Geneva gets all sad and cry and she's like I can't believe y'all would do me like this not tell me

gets all upset and then Melissa's like okay well let's go back I guess um and party okay come on yes so then they're like so then Daisy starts talking about it and she starts sharing and then like

Arzo says something to like Melissa or something she's like Jesse you know I'm not a traitor I'm just holding her dog I'm sorry and they just start laughing oh yeah and then they start laughing about other stuff and then it's about to get

ugly now which by the way i have to say i actually didn't mind them joking on the side because they've heard it all before and daisy's whole thing is is like i just want to be treated like normal so i think they were entitled to just have their own little conversation on the side right yeah they weren't laughing at her cancer for christ's sake they were drunk too everyone was i think like i'm really proud of geneva for not just being like girl i thought you were just on a diet i was gonna ask you what it was can you give that to me can i get this is this something can i still masturbate with liver cancer i have a question so when you have liver, does that include chopped liver or is it like just certain types of liver?

I dated a cancer once. Oh, man, he was good at fucking. I still think about him when I masturbate. Do you masturbate? Oh, Jimmy. So it looks like we are going to get a few episodes about Daisy's cancer anger. Because now she's like, how could you treat me like this? I have cancer.

I'm like, oh, no, here we go. And isn't her cancer in remission now? I hope so. Because I think that she's crazy for continuing to tape with these women when she has cancer. Like, rest up, girl. Yeah. So it was kind of a boring episode in a way.

I mean, they didn't do a lot of things they wanted like you know that fucking dimitri cake tasted at 20 different places for those free samples she's probably wendy's like give me a brownie she's like she's like knocking on the entomans factory like uh i hear there's some samples in here. I mean, I can't believe this is happening. Like, go into the pizza place. Like, I'm here for a wedding sample. I'm getting married. It's a big deal. Yeah. She's, like, raiding the A&P clearance section.

Where's the carrot cake? Where's the carrot cake that tastes like styrofoam? My wedding. So I think that pretty much wraps this up. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss? No. Our dear friend and sometimes guest, Angie Thomas, wants us to mention the fact that Gigi Haddad is in Taylor Swift's new video.

Ew. Oh, I'm sorry. I heard Gigi, and it's Monday. Did you think I said Bella? Because I know Bella makes people say ew, but she's not gorgeous like Gigi. I had a golden moment. Oh, my God. I know Yolanda Foster posts. You have to follow her on Instagram.

The only celebrities I follow on Instagram are Yolanda and David Foster because they are so full of they're so far up their own asses. Yolanda posts these pictures. She's like, look at my gorgeous Bella in her movie poster for the new video that's coming out. It's like gorgeous. And then like a day later, she'll put one of Bella in a magazine

and she'll be like, comparison is the worst enemy. Hashtag, I love, I love this one too. Hashtag, Anwar, rub my feet.

Anwar does not take your place in the home hashtag please come back hashtag i'm tired hashtag lemons don't work hashtag david almost suffocated me when he made me neck him hashtag we've sent an water calls for the third time today and he still keeps coming back oh yolanda hashtag i might just have to quit the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Here's a picture of my feet. That's her new thing, is, like, just showing her feet.

Oh, yeah. Hashtag, Anwar doesn't have feet like these. Hashtag, Anwar has no feet. He's a robot. He was supposed to be in the shape of Bella, because he's a robot he was supposed to be in he was supposed to be in the shape of bella because he's a robot he can never be as beautiful as gg but then he turned out as a man now we don't know what to do with him i don't know what i'm talking about i still like it kenya moore's sham of a relationship did we already talk about that last week

um we already talked about kim rich Yeah, we talked about that last week. We already talked about Kim Richards being officially charged with shit, right? We talked about that last week. I think maybe also on the bonus episode. We talked about a lot of shit. We got a lot of shit done. Yeah, we got a lot in, right? Okay, so I guess we're all done. Close it up, babe.

Yeah, whatever we missed, guess what? Another episode happening on Thursday. So thank you, everyone, for listening. You can find us on social media by going to watchwhatcrappens.com You can support us on patreon.com

forward slash watchwhatcrappens People who support us get access to things like a bonus episode which today was a bonus episode was about like

sex. Women sex. Women sex. Or something. It was about gay people not understanding women sex. Or this gay people there's probably

like a 43% chance you may get offended by some of the things we say um um and then we uh

on Thursday we have a hangout it's super fun watch our crappins on Facebook one of the best places on the internet you gotta

like us there and um until Thursday see you later. Bye. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to YouTube.com slash Wait For It Comedy. There's no have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitforitcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here.

And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car

insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to Geico. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.