Watch What Crappens - 2018 Golden Crappies LIVE!
Episode Date: February 6, 2018It's time for the annual Golden Crappy Awards where we honor achievement in all things Bravo. For the first time ever, we've upped the stakes, recording in front of a live audience at The Hol...lywood Improv! Come join us as we fête the best (and the worst) of everything Bravo has to offer with a little help from our friends! Plus, stick around for a very special audience moment!! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts!
It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates.
Cameras off! Voice only!
Launching during Pride!
Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm,
with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes,
Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few.
Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to the 2018 Golden Corp. Awards!
Brought to you by a watch what crappens, a podcast that all the crap on Bravo we love to watch.
Tonight we honor achievements by Real Housewives of New York City.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Vanderbilt rules. Real Housewives of Dallas.
Polo Deck. Southern Chorne. Chaz of Sunset. Summara's. And many, many more.
Now, these welcome your host for the night. Ronnie Carroll, man, Ben Madelker! [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background Hello. Hello. Hello.
Oh my god.
Welcome to the first ever live-daping of the crappies.
Yeah.
Now, I made an effort to order some shit from China to wear here,
but you know my ass ain't wearing that for an hour and a half.
No, no.
But thank you, China.
We are so, so excited to be doing this live for the first time, but don't worry even though there will be actual envelopes being open
We will continue our tradition of ripping paper into the microphone
I just have to pull out some of these envelopes here
We have so many special guests, yes, yes Shannon
She's like, everybody has someone to front row just like, have an extra on your left
It's already a lot of, thank you And we have, she's like, you're probably gonna have someone in the front row just like, you're my conversation. You're my conversation. You're on your left, is that what she's saying?
It's already a lot of, so.
Thank you.
You guys, thank you so much.
I know a bunch of you guys came down from San Francisco
for this.
Look at them all here.
A bunch of you guys came up.
San Francisco with me, L, right here.
Yeah.
In the L.
I know a bunch of you guys also came up
from San Diego and Orange County.
You're just gonna say a lot of things
that you get woozed from.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll just say woozed.
Like, what's up for LA, everyone?
I'm San San.
Look here for Melrose Avenue.
How's this, huh?
So we have a lot of categories to go through.
But first of all, look at these wonderful crappy awards
that Ronnie crafted. Do not touch all, look, look at these wonderful crappy awards that Ronnie crafted.
Do not touch the crappy awards, ma'am.
We have to control Shannon in the front row here.
Jesus, I don't know which lesbian got glue guns
in everybody's house in America.
I tried listening to those girls.
Glue guns don't work.
You do this, they dry and everything falls apart again.
Thanks a lot Lesbians! All right, carry on, carry on. So, is that what's our opening model?
Yeah, that was our, that was our like Billy Crystal moment right there. So why don't we, we have a lot
of categories, we have a lot of special guests for everyone. Should we just like get on with
let's get into it. Okay, so for the very first category, we have one
of the funniest people. We love this woman. She is the host of the Fresh Patch podcast.
There was an audible gasp in the front row, by the way. I wish, let's just welcome her
up right now Michelle Collins everyone
Now I'm gonna do a quick birdie at the top Yes, okay
You guys look fantastic. Oh my god. Oh, I'm so thrilled to be here.
And I like that I feel like we're truly
in the lowest deck of the Titanic right now.
Like this is the water, and this is it.
Like I never felt so low on a stage in my life,
but I like it.
I'm like, you know you're talking,
like, you're at a big speed dating event, it's weird.
Yeah, but you know you're talking to Kathy Bates.
My ass will always survive, okay.
I'm going to be rowing by on the boat as a Titanic scene. If you wanna know how I was raised one year, I didn't know talking to Kathy Bates. My ass will always survive. OK. I'm going to be growing by on the boat as a Titanic scene.
If you want to know how I was raised one year,
I didn't know what to be for Halloween.
And this was like before Titanic came out.
My dad said, why don't you go as the unsinkable,
Molly Brown?
I was like, I'm going to be in the great story.
God, I put that one on paper before I got here.
All right.
I'm so excited.
I wanted to get a glass of wine before I came up
to be like fun and loose.
I thought we'd have.
Let's get one.
I'd actually like a double vodka soda, please.
And don't serve me again.
Present your order up here.
And I'll have a dirty marching.
Give it a free vodka.
A dirty vodka marching.
Take everyone.
Yeah, that guy's hot.
Is any hot?
Grappy for one of the hottest dates in the room.
I haven't checked them all out yet.
But there's your sexual harassment.
I love deep two, so there we go.
All right.
Wait, can I have a sip?
Yeah, take a big ol' sip.
How are you feeling?
We're excited.
I'm very excited because this is the most production
we've ever put into a live show ever.
I can tell, you got a tablecloth here.
It's so hot.
We had to print out a rundown.
I had to tape things onto things.
Do you see this?
I do see it.
Yeah. These are really nice. I had to go to a party store to find these. These are supposed to be if you're having like Academy Awards party. You send out these like gonna move past that. And we're gonna just do our best.
Yes.
All right, by the way, can we also,
can I just give Ben a,
I mean, I'll be here for 20 minutes.
And I know you have very,
by the way, they're very famous people sitting back there
and they have like the worst seat.
I'm like, not talking to anyone.
All right.
No, can I just quickly also thank Ben
because while I'm in LA, which is for work,
Ben is accepting all my wardrobe packages.
Yes.
Yes.
And he has things to do.
This is true. This is to deliver to me, but he didn't bring him tonight. I'm sorry, yeah. Okay, here we go. Are we packages? Yes. Yes. And he has these things to deliver to me,
but he didn't bring them tonight.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We have to help him.
Here we go.
Are we ready?
Yes.
All right.
Can I do this?
Yeah.
Do it makes you feel comfortable.
I feel so.
Look, but I'm angry.
But I'm angry.
Go for me.
Hi.
Look at you, beautiful people.
People from the rafters.
All right.
Here we go.
We're opening with best storyline.
Best.
That's a big one.
That's a hot one. that's a big one.
That's a big one.
Well, you know what?
Because you start big.
You start big. We go, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, I just want to say that this is honoring things in 2017 up and we did the cutoff of December first
Because let's face it after December first is when the current season of Vanderpump rules are daring and it would just win everything
So we decided to in fair hold on a minute. You're telling me it's about the pasta
It's not about the fucking pasta
It's too early to drop the I file little obsessed. No, but if people in LA
called cocaine pasta, we wouldn't all be on cocaine, okay? You're not allowed to have pasta.
If I had a pasta addiction, I'd be fucking disgusting. No, I'm kidding. I do have a pasta addiction.
I meant to reverse that joke. It could be like, I'd be beautiful. Okay, all right, here we go.
Okay, now many is for best storyline. Uh, here we go. We, now many is for Best Storyline.
Here we go.
We're starting hot people to the right.
Best Storyline, we have Vicki Gunfelsen
causes Shannon Bedore to gain 60 pounds.
Real Housewives of Orange County.
Should I just keep going?
Yeah, go.
Fager Parks starts Lesbian rumors about candy burrs.
Real smattering of applause.
Yes, smattering of a smattering there.
Real housewives of Atlanta, of course.
Leanne Lockin goes nuts at the doctor's office.
Of course.
Wow.
Real housewives of Dallas.
I'm going to use my hand knife stope
in the envelope.
You know what I'm like?
That's great.
OK.
Onion gate, below deck med.
We're grasping for straws.
I bet.
I'm grasping for straws.
All right.
And of course, I mean this,
okay, well, I mean this is just beyond.
It's about Tom.
Real house, I love New York.
I mean, guys, that's a really tough one.
It's tough.
Doing these categories is really, really hard.
What are you, so off the top here, which, is there anyone that you gravitate towards? I have to tell you something. Guys, that's a really tough one. It's tough. Doing these categories is really, really hard.
So off the top here, does there any one
that you gravitate towards?
I have to tell you something.
Let me tell you a quick thing.
I was in Miami for New Year's, and I saw a bald guy.
I don't know if any of you follow me on Instagram,
at Micheal, don't edit that out.
Thank you.
I have all year, in fact, been texted pictures
of Tom eating out on the upper east side with Missy.
I'm like somehow the portal for Tom Gossip.
And I saw this kind of shriveled bald rich guy in Miami walking with a blonde woman and
I tailed him for like five blocks into the looser stuff because I was like, it's Tom.
I was out of my fucking mind, thank you.
And then the guy turned and it was like space ball stunt double like long, long, bad stuff.
I was like, it's not top.
So I don't think I would stock for any other storyline.
I mean, it's about Tom to finally hear.
What about you, Ronnie?
Well, oh, wait, we got a t-shirt in the audience that says,
it's about, we got a please don't let it be about Tom
and then another t-shirt that says, it's about Tom.
Thank you, thank you for that.
That's some good word.
That's really nice.
I met her in the Apple Store, by the way.
I thought the best part of that was Bethany just sobbing
in her bed like it was all about her.
Oh my God, I can't believe I saw things on the piano.
You had a lot of pasta that morning.
I should have had a lot of pasta.
I literally had a lot of my FFM.
I know, I don't know what to do.
All right, Michelle.
My personal favorite is Vicki, because I mean, Vicki Gunfelsen has made me gain 60 pounds, and I'm finally
glad someone said it.
Yeah.
I agree with that.
Yeah.
I would never throw a plate at you, Ronnie.
Thank you.
All right.
Why don't you open up that envelope?
Then you're not going to put a vote in for onion game.
All right.
I was going to say onion game.
It was a strong, strong arc on below deck med.
But let's see.
All right. I'm so excited.
The winner for the best storyline,
Krabby's 2017 is, of course,
it's a nap time!
Real hard times up New York!
It's about time, everyone.
All right, well.
Do I take these now?
Yes, you can take it on behalf of Tom.
Really?
Grab it by the base.
I told you about the glue.
I did use cake, I sing to glue. No, it's... Grab it by the base. I told you about the glue. I did use cake. I sing to glue. Grab it by the base. I'll kill you. I got to go. Took me a minute. Thank you.
I love you. Big grab a ball from the South Collins. We love you. I have to. I wore such a cute
pant tonight because I thought we'd be standing. What? Finding the back arts. He wanted to stand
and I was like, no. Yeah. Um, Ron, do you want to- I will not be standing.
Would you like to introduce our next presenter?
Our next presenter is one of my personal best friends.
We met at TV Gazem back in the day.
She went by the name NADS.
And then she rose up the ranks in Bravo production
as now a showrunner for Bolo Dick Midd.
And her name is Nadine Rajabin!
Hello, hi!
Hi, welcome Nadine!
By the way, I don't think Oniongate was a good nomination.
What about the, can I curse?
What about the fucking, the whole, like,
love triangle and the girl was lying?
I know, yeah, that was good.
You guys, she was lying the whole time.
It was all sort of fun. I caught her.
What girl was lying?
It was like, big show lie.
Sorry, Malia, I know her friends, but.
Oh, wait, wait.
What? Why? She lied. Malia was lying? Yes, she live. Sorry, Malia. I know we're friends, but oh wait, wait. Yeah, why?
Malia was lying. Yes, she had the sequel secret relationship.
Oh, yeah, this is for people. And then I said like I had fucking vocal fries. The producer in the back like so, um,
I know you made it onto the show. You were like, um, you know, I'm just really here to support you.
I just really just, you know, um, yeah, you're like um you know I'm just really just you know um yeah you're
like congressional oversight committee there well but you got it out girl well
Nadine what what are you here to present I'm here by the way thank you for
having me you're welcome um I'm here to present the worst storyline which I
think we're starting to root on bad stories because
Well, I mean sometimes they can make the world go around onion gate.
Right.
I still don't think that should have been nominated.
She's snapping it out.
We'll take it up with the judges.
We'll send them to you in the next time, Nadine.
This season is gonna be crazy.
Okay, so the worst story lines, the nominations for the crappies are
Lydia's Balls Voyage Party.
The real housewives of Orange County.
Karen and Tha Tha's feud over a hosting a trip to Bermuda,
real housewives of Potomac.
Tha Tha Tha.
Tha Tha Tha. Just listen to the apathy roll with the crowd. Just seeing a trip to Bermuda, real housewives of Potomac. Bata, bata, bata.
Just listen to the apathy roll of the crowd.
I'm hearing about Potomac.
Pantigate, real housewives of Beverly Hills.
Yeah, yeah.
I can see it.
It was so good. It was bad.
It's gone.
Tamer and Vicki's feud, real housewives of Orange County.
By the way, I think this covers their whole feud.
Their whole feud.
The whole feud for the past four years.
They're literally like Bobby and Whitney,
the two of them, and you will get onto that.
Two soon.
That's all right.
Two soon, all with two soon, Bobby's fault.
She did die in a bathtub, which one will die in a bathtub.
Anything you can do with sex tips from
straight women from a gay man? Like any show.
Ah!
And last but not least,
Aasa's pregnancy, Shahz of Sunsacs.
Oh my God.
You know what, have you guys seen
the more you know commercial with Aasa?
It's the most random thing.
It's not like a bravo more you can know.
You know what I'm saying?
An ice skater.
It's like, I don't know,
someone off like a cornflakes box, and then Asta.
Yeah, how did Asta get onto the Vaughn to the more you know
commercial?
What more does she know?
And all she really said was like, babe, babe, babe,
babe, the more you know, I have a baby.
More you know.
And her defense, she's got fantastic eyebrows.
She does. That is a good defense.
That's a good defense. Yeah, she's got fantastic eyebrows. That is a good defense, that's a good defense.
Yeah, she's got a good lawn mower.
So what do you guys think is the worst storyline of here?
The worst?
I mean, Panty gets pretty fucking bad.
Panty gets pretty good.
I secretly liked Panty.
Can't remember if Mickey is good at bad.
They're all kind of good bad, right?
Well, Panty, Gate was really bad at both sides.
Considering they're fighting over six minutes
versus 54 minutes of this season.
I'm like, oh man, remember when they fought over Pussy all
last year?
That was great.
Carried over.
Like it just is just a thing.
And Doree, do we hate Doree, right?
Goss.
Goss.
I'm terribly sorry, Goss.
Don't be a hit.
I can't watch her.
She makes me so upset.
All right, so let's find out who is the worst storyline
of 2017.
What are you guys saying before?
Can I get you?
Can I get you?
They're great with you.
Both of my ads are pretty.
All right, the winner for the
watcher crapens crappy awards is, do I tear it like this?
Yeah, tear however you want.
Yeah.
Like a-
I already did. I already did. All right. Happy Awards is, do I tear it like this? Yeah, tear it however you want, yeah. Like a... Already.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Tamer and Vicki's feud.
Realized by the Orange County.
Scattered applause for Tamer and Vicki's own.
I'd like to thank everybody for this award, you know?
And I just wanted to say that it wasn't me that said
that Eddie's gay and, you know, so a few fierce I love gay people. So thank you very much.
Thank you, Nadine. Thank you everybody. I'm going to take the golden poop because I'm Persian.
Get some of those fries on your way out.
So obviously there were a lot of categories that we just could not get to in this live show.
So I'm happy to announce that in a ceremony performed earlier this evening,
the following awards were announced.
Most memorable memory loss, Lisa Rina.
Worst idea, Katie and Tom have a Wednesday wedding.
Worst concept, Nini's girls and gays,
white party seafood, Suala.
A.
Worse to come back, Lydia McLaughlin.
Worse, Worst Mr. Darcy comparison, Thomas Ravenel.
Most surprising voice of reason,
Karnie Wilson.
Outstanding athletic achievement, Luand Eliseps for falling in a rose bush and then off of a ledge.
And also best badass, Durantin Medley for getting so drunk that she stabbed herself with a knife and didn't even realize it.
Okay, now let's welcome to the stage.
Later, yeah.
It's him right now.
It's very professional up here.
It's like a well-known show.
I showed up for rehearsals.
Yeah.
Okay. show that for rehearsals. Let's see. Yeah.
OK. So let's please welcome up two of our girlfriends.
They have a show called Dumb Game Politics.
You might also know them from stand-ups
specials across the world, the People's Counts.
Corridor Enthusiasm.
Yes, most recently.
Please welcome to the stage, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard.
Woo! most recently please welcome to the stage Julie Goldman and Brandy Holler.
where do we go here? Here in the center, yeah.
You go here?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hi guys.
Hi.
We almost left and then we said,
we don't know the order because no one gave us the order.
This is true.
This is true.
In all,
Oh my God.
All right, Jeff Lewis.
That's not true.
Taperarily, I didn't even leave.
I meant just go smoke. I didn't even leave.
I meant just go smoke.
I don't even smoke.
She just wanted to play with it.
The pageant tree of it all, she enjoyed.
That's the only way we can keep you mother fuckers in here and we know it.
Like, you have to know that you're about to go on any second.
I know.
Everybody would be out there.
I was just so they were distracting me with it.
Like, whatever.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah.
They're hurting us. Oh, these are wards. Well, you did it. You matter. Yeah, these awards.
Well, you did it, you both got ball gowns on. Yes.
Well, I know you said it was formal attire.
I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna wear.
I've lived so much I can choose from.
Who are you wearing?
I'm an off the shoulder, I have a...
Maxi dress, I have a...
I have a wetch, I have a, I have a wedge, I have a, uh, paste, cheese, I have a, a short skirt
with a tall top, I don't know, there was lots of ways I could have gone.
It's Nonsambula.
Yes, it's hard for a woman now in Hollywood.
Yes.
So, uh, what do you guys, what do you guys here to present for the Golden Crappies?
Right.
Best fight.
Woo!
Whoa.
I feel like this could be a good category.
Couples at Nebaphytes.
Yes.
Sending best fight.
All right, please.
But we love, love, love fights.
My favorite is when, and then, you know, if anyone agrees,
when they rip their microphones off, that's my favorite.
That's a good start.
Ariana, please.
Next time, remember, just rip it and be like, just stop.
Just get it done. I'm done. You didn't even know me.
You didn't even know me. In a public bathroom. Yeah.
Just go. I'm not going to do this now. This is not a moment.
Yeah. This is not a moment. That's Kenya Moore would say.
This is not a moment. This is not a moment.
This is not a moment. I mean, do you have your spectacles, sir?
I don't. I can't have them, so.
Okay. Well, you know. All right.
So best fight. Can you see this?
Or Shannon Bedore. I put it back. Do we need to put a flashlight on it? We need a spotlight. Okay. Well, you know, all right. So best fight can you see this or Shannon but door
Okay, we need to put a splashline on it. We get a spotlight
Okay, I can do it. I can do it. I'm a doorverse Kelly Dodd at the quiet woman
This is not my fucking
Damn it restaurant the quiet woman
We're meeting at the quiet woman
David, David. We're meeting at the quiet woman.
Yeah, girl.
It's a big, real place.
Fuck off, fuck off.
Why don't you fuck off?
And you know what?
We went there and all the artworks.
All the artworks is like women with no mouths.
What the fuck?
I'm telling you, it's like a lifetime abuse.
Is it owed by Harvey Weinstein?
Girl, you know he loves a woman's mouth.
I don't think that would be good.
That's true.
It's choice one.
He doesn't like them to talk, though.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, I just want to give a shout out to Amber R1 fan in the audience.
Amber!
There she is.
She's dressed black, high.
Okay, good.
We have a few more.
Amber, okay.
No, it's just the time.
Okay, Danielle, stop.
Versiggy Flicker in Italy.
Yeah.
I love fighting in Italy. I love Danielle stop
What's that song she saying? I believe the song is called real close?
Yeah, real close
She got less there for two seconds. She's the song that Ziggy flicker sing
No, no, okay Oh. We don't lay up for you, I don't like it. We try.
No, no, okay.
Kristen, versus Tom Sandevol, dressed like Sia.
Oh yeah.
Now we're going to be partial.
I think we're going to be partial.
How epic was that?
Yeah, obviously.
I don't know how the winners were chosen.
Was it just you guys and your underwear?
Ben does all the work.
I do the glue gunning.
So, any credit or blame for, here's what I did. A spreadsheet, this is a Google Doc in here.
I spray painted in glue gunned, and I found a 6XL
from China to where.
Oh, I can't pull people to see what they like.
It is a Google Doc, and then there's
a back and forth, when you met that.
But no one voted.
No one voted.
No, because we're too lazy to actually figure out how to do an actual survey situation online.
So maybe next year.
Maybe next year.
Candy versus Fadra at the Atlanta reunion.
Now any reunion fight.
Yeah, that was good.
Any.
Got a Samaritan.
Any reunion by Samaritan. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah The last, the last, the last.
No, no, no, even though it's your line.
That's my impersonation of Candy Burrs.
It's not very accurate.
The best I can do.
The last, the last.
The last.
She will kick some fucking ass, though, Candy.
Like she will.
I think the baddest bitch on there for real.
OK, Ramona, verse Bethany in the
Berkshire, in the Berkshire's, I mean, it's the cake. It's everything in the Berkshire's.
It's the nothing up of the house. Right. Goes on and on. We called Dorenda in the Berkshire's.
The bitch forgot we were calling her and she's by the pool with her parents. And then
she accidentally answered the phone. I think she thought it was her publicist. Then she
got stuck on her podcast for 30 minutes. So there's that.
I was just on customer service with Bed Bath and Beyond.
They just got me on it for 30 minutes.
Call me a splitted question.
The whole time.
My parents are by the way, I've got to go.
That's fine.
John's coming over later too.
How's John?
Okay, last one, Leanne Locken versus Carrie Dubor.
Is that it?
Yeah, that's right. At the Winter Wonderland party.
Who's Carrie Duber?
Don't tell anyone we don't watch Dallas.
Oh, that's a shame.
We watched the first season.
No, the second season of Dallas.
Woo!
It's like a complete masterpiece.
Oh, oh, that brand.
Oh yeah.
There's a brandy on it.
All right.
You guys, the winner is. The winner is. Oh, it, there's a brandy on it. Yeah. All right. You guys, the winner is...
The winner is...
Oh, it's in here.
Yeah, it's in there.
Okay, all right.
Best fight of 2017 is...
Let's see if Julie can see it.
It's bigger now.
It is bigger.
LOL, you made it like Mimosa.
Shannon Bedor versus Kelly Don at the quiet woman. That's right
It's a message. It's a message all you women in your hashtags
Unfortunately, Shannon bedore and Kelly Don couldn't be here tonight. So would you like to accept the award on their behalf?
Oh, no, no, you please both take one take what it was worth it was worth they were for
In rural pencil. Thank you. I'm glad. I'm sorry. I'm good. I'm this is Shannon. I'm sorry. I'm getting divorced
Right, I'm sure she is so happy
We love her twins. What was your twins were here performing in the band?
Everyone give it up for Julian Brandy.
That went well.
Thank you, Roy.
Thank you.
Love you.
Dreamcatcher.
Oh, thank you.
Please feel free to wear it.
I love it.
I'm going to wear it.
So on Bravo, we like to celebrate our, you know,
our favorite real housewives and things like that.
But there are some side characters that are really,
really important on Bravo.
And of course, we're talking about the old ladies of Bravo.
So here to present the best old lady of 2017.
One of the youngest and most gorgeous people who doesn't have to worry about age for at
least 50 more years.
Miss Annabelle Desisto.
Got it wrong.
Yay!
Okay.
I don't want to get a face on you.
Annabelle.
Annabelle, who are you wearing?
Oh, this would be an Asta Kaftan original.
Babe, this isn't Asta Kaftan, babe.
Babe, this is not Asta, babe.
Babe, it's not Asta, babe.
Babe, it's not Asta, babe. You's not a bib. It's not a bib. It's not a bib.
You also have a Patricia Cafft-Han?
I do.
It was a real toss-up between who to choose, but...
I think you made the right choice.
I think this is more of the formal...
This is like the evening look.
It's not a Cafft-Han, whereas...
I wanted to be taken more seriously, so...
I went with this look.
The more you know.
All right.
So babe, babe.
Babe, it's all about the old people.
Babe.
What'd you have to say?
Now, I'm presenting Best Old Lady.
I already have a problem with this category,
because Briel Bierman's face was not nominated.
Oh.
So.
Wow. Wow.
Annabelle.
I feel like this category has lost any legitimacy.
You're right.
There's a giant asterisks on the sin tire ceremony.
I would like to thank all of our friends for being as kind as possible tonight.
And truly why we love you.
It's your deep hearts.
Okay, so we have de-simons from Real Housewives of Dallas.
Amazing.
Amazing.
How are we, Mahair, without her?
Yeah, it looks just like Melissa McCarthy in the movie The Boss.
Yeah.
I want to love you, Dan from I want to.
You just won't let me.
I can't love you until you find that L22 and until you find the L22.
I can't love you like a mother, she loves a daughter.
Patricia Allshold from Southern Charm.
Vida Javid from Shaz of Sunset.
Marge Senior from Real Housewives of New Jersey.
And from Real Housewives of Auckland.
Oh wait, we actually have someone from New Zealand here.
We're going to say we have her son here. That's Dominic.
He's just gonna clap for everything from there.
Yeah.
And Dale from Real Housewives of New York.
That's Tinsley's mom.
Oh, that's Tinsley's mom.
Everyone just relax.
Everyone's like, wait a second.
It's hard to get behind a woman when she doesn't move her face very much.
So she didn't really register with a lot of people
It was like you just announced tinsley it was just dead like no one wanted to
Tinsley at home right now is doing this
It's not easy
Ready okay, I'm the winner for best musty old lady is musty old lady
Okay, and the winner for Best Musty Old Lady is... Musty Old Lady.
D Simmons!
From Dallas.
Now, that is why I kept the corner office, okay?
I tried to give that girl the key, but she- she- she get losing them.
God, I would be glad to take things.
I don't know how I could trust a daughter who seats me in a low couch, okay?
How am I- I'm 76 years old, I know I don't look like it,
but how am I supposed to get out of the couch
and start like, five feet from the floor?
Her son, Russell Simmons, looks nothing like her.
I'm very suspicious.
I would like to talk about being disappointed in your children.
Yeah.
Annabelle, thank you so much for coming.
Everyone, big hand for Annabelle and Go Listener Podcast.
Applause.
Adderall and compliment. Compliments Adderall the system. Adderall the system. Sorry. All right.
This is this one right here. This one? Yeah. And now in a ceremony performed earlier this
evening, the following awards were announced. Outstanding achievements in journalism,
watch what happens live one-on-one with the Countess
in Sag Harbor.
Most international, in general, Doreet Kenzley.
Best overreaction, SIGGI Flicker for Kate Gate,
Soggi Gate, and Hitler Gate.
Best fashion statements, Dassy Steve Jobs swimsuit on Summer House.
The best new it fits.
Best show that you probably didn't watch but should have, invite only Kabul.
And the best new show of 2017 Summer High.
Congratulations to all the earlier winners,
and I'm sorry you're not important enough
to get a chair in here.
It was just broadcast restrictions.
It's like, it's hard, you know.
It's hard.
We have Bruno Mars coming out later.
So it's just like, someone's got to take a cut, you know
All right, go for it. Well, our next category is about the hottest bar of 2017 and
You know, obviously we are drinkers here, and I hope everyone has a cocktail right? Oh, yeah, no
So we run into a cocktail for the hot for it for me just help hi
Can I order a drink?
Double t-dos and soda and a bottle of water, please. Thank you
So yes the best bar so to present one of the most gold just bought and just in our lives and on television
Miss area on a mat ex just bought into some our lives and on television. Miss Ariana. Ariana.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know a friend is lovely when they just tell you even that it's gonna get covered in your sweaty face.
I like your sweaty face.
Yeah, we're...
You're not allowed to do that.
Welcome to the show.
Hi!
It's television's aeronomatics.
I have to admit I've been getting an education in the back about my category.
Yeah.
Because I'm a biased, but be also don't know of these other places.
Well, we encourage you to definitely take a deep dive on these nominees, because we find
them to be really wonderful establishments.
And I think probably the audience will agree once they hear them.
The quiet woman is a wonderful establishment.
Who the fuck came up?
I know we touched on this a second ago, but like, who the fuck came up with that name?
That was pretty neat.
What kind of bar is it?
There are no quiet women in bars.
So like, where would you even come up with this idea?
And it's right across from Kelly's apartment on Real Housewives of Orange County or
House.
And it's like the loudest housewife of all time.
I was gonna say the only thing I know about this woman
is that she's not quiet.
Yeah, she's not.
She's definitely not.
She walks in there like this.
Hi, man.
Man, man, man, man.
She really does.
Yeah.
She's not a single rival.
She could rival Ziggy.
Ziggy's like her.
It's not like Kelly doesn't learn anybody's name. She's not like, hey, hey, Julie, hey, whatever, hey, Kelly, she's like, blah.
You'll hang out with Kelly, Dodd, and after 10 minutes she'll be like, I'm sorry, who are you?
Like, I'm Ben.
Okay, hi, Ben.
Oh, so true.
It's actually true.
I'm just getting over my way at woman. Yeah, that is a very offensive name for a bar
It's fucked up
Also, I heard in the back. Thanks to Danny
I heard that the roundup is where someone may or may not have had its dick sucked
And they're very defensive about it too.
We tried to do a show there.
Yeah, we tried to do something at the roundup in Nell's.
Yeah, I called them and I'm like, hey, funny, blow jobs.
And he's like, well, we're not sure if this show is
right for our establishment.
Could you do this for a second?
Is it not a gay bar?
Yeah, but it's a line dancing gay bar.
And as someone raises a of like under the start of
No, no line dancing bars are serious like you cannot be drinking on the dance floor
Yeah, I was raised by a line dancing lesbian in El Paso, Texas. I know how those fuckers work. I stay away
Like I get it. Yeah, you know, I actually went to a line dancing gay bar and they were line dancing to Rihanna
So I'm like, you know what, like, relax with like,
your standards here of like, you can't have a podcast there
because it like upsets the community standards
the roundup.
My memories of line dancing bars in Florida
are not like this.
I'm sorry, but like,
Oh no, you're gonna blow that.
If there was a gay line dancing bar in Florida,
I would have been there.
But the line dancing bar is that I went to in Florida.
We're very
What was that category musty old people?
Oh no best oh no, they're the best old people. Best old person. All right, so read the nominees for a lot of So obviously I'm my husband remember okay hardest bar 2017 the quiet woman
Driving a hard bargain and harden more ways than one
Bo-teak don't know but beauty
It's been you see this yeah, the beauty. Oh, it's closed.
That's what the house was.
But the best boys in the kitchen hallway.
Girl, it's classic.
The Regency.
The back alley of Sir.
Obviously my personal choice.
Well, it's only bar you can smoke. that's for sure, by those dad dumpsters.
Chris will come out there and try and read you damn life.
It's funny because it's true.
Okay.
All right.
And the crappy goes to...
The Regency.
The Regency. Bapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap Very controversial category. Yeah.
So, um, so now for our next category, you know, it wouldn't be a bravo show if there weren't
just some sort of monumental twist.
We know what sort of, you know, we know the twists when we see them. So here tonight to present for biggest twists of 2017,
she is the host of my show.
I've been up since 5am because I'm a ma'am.
I'm a ma'am.
Making babies, so I guess these look familiar.
What's that?
Oh yeah.
Oh god.
How about the ma'am's out there? No, okay. I have to ask Oh yeah. Oh god. How about the mams out there?
No, okay.
I have to say.
I have to say.
Wrong podcast?
For anyone who doesn't know who Amy Phillips is,
you can also see her on Watch What Happens Live
because she does the most amazing impersonations
of housewives.
Like Bethany, your Bethany Frankel is.
What like, like, fat, like, why are you?
Yeah, you're Frederick.
Like now you tell me like, what to do?
Like, like, how, like, what, like, why, like, where?
I'm just, I'm just trying to dance.
It's like a monkey. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh, you know what Kelly Dodd is kind of one of my new ones. Oh my god. I love your Kelly Dodd. So that's kind of
fine. I haven't done it in a few months. I feel like I made it.
But um, got Ronnie like what you're like looking at me like
where is podcast like you're you guys this podcast sucks.
It's like the worst podcast ever. You guys are really sorry about
when I said about your podcast. No, I really, so I know your podcast is awesome.
It's good.
No, it's really good.
I don't know.
I'm just a man.
I love that your baby came out with a little Lisa Rinna haircut and everything.
Yeah, baby.
It's amazing what you guys did.
Thank you guys did.
Thank you for that.
Bottom line.
Alright.
Why don't you read something?
I got a Facebook like like from your dad.
I was like, you know what?
I've arrived.
Hello.
I've made it.
Oh, Alan's on it.
Alan is on it.
Guys, I have the honor of biggest twist.
Biggest twist.
Biggest twist.
Okay. Here, biggest twist. Biggest twist.
OK, here are the nominees.
Leanne Lockin from the Real Housewives of Dallas
says that Mark gets his dick sucked at the roundup,
and she knows the boys who did it.
She knows.
Kim Richards returns Lisa Rinna's bunny.
Easy thinking about what you gave it to me.
I didn't feel sincere.
Maybe take it back and then when you feel like it's sincere,
give it back to me.
Just give it back.
Give it back to me again, the bunny.
You're giving this bunny back to me.
I hustle to get this bunny for giving it back.
I hustle.
Oh, the bunny.
Oh, the baby!
Wow, wow, wow.
And you know that was some regift, too.
It was.
That nasty ass bunny.
Porsche accuses Candy of having a sex dungeon
and raping people.
You said that!
Who said that?
Who said that?
Who said that?
Who said that?
Who said that guy?
Ashley is secretly a baggage handler for Delta.
I'm Southern Charm Savannah.
That was...
That was Southern Charm Savannah.
That was a real plot twist.
It was a real plot twist that this...
One of the cast members secretly is a baggage handler.
She tried to hide it.
And then she tried to really own it to much.
Yeah.
And then you're like, where are you, Matt?
Yeah.
She was like, you know, I left my house in the Hollywood Hills because I'm a fashion designer.
But I really wanted to bring fashion here, you know.
And he's like, ain't you a logger-tandler, Delta?
I like to act my logger-tandler.
I packed my fashion in my logger- in my luggage. That's where you put fashion
I then you put on a plane
Okay, and then Sonia's fridge makes brown eyes
I didn't see that coming honestly. I didn't see that coming. That was a big twist
I actually was reading this and I was like I thought it said brown rice and I was like now that
Would be amazing. That would be.
Now, like, forget the toast, Robin,
can Sonya come out with a fridge that makes brown rice.
That is not easy.
Specifically brown rice.
Specifically brown rice.
Like, you can't make white rice in it.
Only brown rice.
It's very different, very different process.
That was healthy once.
Yeah.
Alisa Rina asks, Doreet, if we're people doing coke in your bathroom?
Real house, so why is it Beverly Hills?
And then Vanderbump rules everything.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything.
Little right.
Now.
Oh yeah, what do we say?
Do we talk about it? Oh. We say what we want. I'm not saying. Little right. Now, oh yeah, what do we say?
Do we talk about it?
Oh, we say what we want.
I think they all are great twists.
How about that?
I think they're all good.
I don't think they're missing from there.
Yeah.
Oh, do I think there's a no.
I think you really, you really got to look at the ones.
But I was thinking, are there any space that Brown ice
took over?
Well, yeah, I do like the brown rice, but I have to say Lisa
Rina with a single tear is my favorite. So the funny,
bunny gate is a happy people have to really remember that
image. I mean, really take us on back to that moment where the
camera was so close in on her. And this woman made a tear go
down her cheek. Single with that shitty ass. And it went like this.
It went like this.
Tantant, tantant, tantant.
Tantant, tantant.
And then like that, it got to her lip.
And then the tear was like, hi, lip.
Hi.
How are you?
How are you?
How are you, tear?
Hi, hi, tear.
And her lips are like, I haven't seen a tear like this
in 20 years.
I mean, this is the best tear. I haven't seen a tear like this in 20 years.
I mean, this is the best tear.
My hot full best tear all the way down.
Hey, dear, it's single-smite. is the biggest tie, you know, and you just do
that Lisa Rina for too long.
It's like, I need a paper bag.
Can I get a paper bag on the rocks?
Thank you.
Okay.
I own this theater.
Okay.
And the winner is.
Sound effects.
Where is it?
Oh, it's a flap.
It's a flap you pull it
It's a flap broken little Amy ever since she had her baby
She asked things like how do you open a envelope?
Come here my little broken mother bird
Broken singleters exacts exact
Okay, he's gonna rip the paper
It's about the bunny about the money
Thank you for everyone go listen to our show on serious XM
on Sirius XM. I miss my chance to hug her goodbye.
Well, you fucked up the title of a show then.
Um, so guess what, we're gonna present the next.
What's my hop beat?
What's our timing now? What's our timing now?
What's our timing?
I told it to stop telling me, seriously.
Like, I know I'm gonna die at some point.
Don't tell me every night.
You're dying!
Looking at my Apple Watch.
So, we, Ronnie and I are going to present this next category.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Welcome, Mr. Ben Mandelker at the B-side vlog in the vlog. Oh my god. Oh my god. Welcome, Mr. Fenmandlker at the B-side vlog in the
vlog. Oh my god. Wow! And joining me here on stage is Mr. Ronny Carrom from trashdog TV
in the Rose for Special Houses. I just want to say it a little mickey, you can go to sleep
now. So we've obviously, there have been a lot of things that have happened on Bravo this year and we felt like we really wanted to where you going?
Oh, I can move over to you.
I can move over to you.
It's on, oh hell yeah.
This is the equivalent of the microphone being too high or too low at the
Afterward show okay, I'm gonna slide over so we run it can get in a thank you babe. He can find his air. He can find the wind
so
This is a small category, but we felt it was important to highlight
We are now going to be presenting the award for outstanding achievement in the Tauel Arts.
Tauel Arts.
There's actually only two nominees.
Do you like to read the first one?
The first is Ramona Singer in Mexico.
Wearing a towel on her face as she gets into a helicopter. Oh my, ah.
And the second nominee is Vicki Gunnelson in Iceland.
Woo!
Hi, on Adderall and Pasta.
What does she think there's TMC at Iceland?
Why, why is she wearing that?
Shannon.
All right, who wins?
Let's see.
Let's see who wins.
I was standing at you, even in the towel arts.
And the crappy goes to...
Whoa, this is crazy.
It's Ramona Shingo.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this day class say, I was wearing a scarf, not a towel.
Whoa, whoa, this reminds me of when I was wearing a scarf, not a towel. Whoa, whoa, this reminds me of this towel reminds me of when I was a little girl.
And I wanted to go to the beach.
I was like, look, I'm going to put a towel down on the beach and I'm going to lie in the
sun and have a wonderful time as a little girl.
And Geraldine Parsonsmith came up to me and she said no you're gonna lie on
the sand without a towel and you get all scratched up for all the sea shells and
to this day I've never been able to look at a sea shell I'm sorry I'm sorry I
can't look at sea shells the day class said thank you Ramona
thank you so much that was thank. That's amazing. That was amazing.
You know what the real award is? When you put things on your face and you don't let the sun touch it, you stay junk back.
Look at me.
I have the skin of a 59-year-old woman and I'm actually 60 years old, okay?
Shannon accepted for a remona.
Yeah.
This is why the Academy Awards don't have front rows right in front of
there.
The table's darling and I would like to thank you actually because these are my
caninecks.
Mega mix.
Yeah.
Mega mix.
Regular my caninecks.
Um, Ronnie, I believe this is a portion for you now.
In a ceremony performed earlier this evening, the following awards were announced.
The best gays, even from Summer House.
Mikey from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the support.
Yes, everything, everything, everything, everything.
Most patient boyfriend, Tommy.
What?
From the Shaws of Sunset.
That seamstress Craig from Southern Shore.
Oh!
Outstanding achievement and evil glares, David Bedore.
Yes, dear.
Beer. Dear. Dear. Dear.
Biggest rose, Tom Bagastino.
Biggest thorn, Tom Bagastino.
Congratulations, everyone who won early.
Congratulations to those who won awards earlier tonight.
The best towel performance got to place over you.
Yeah.
You're a loser.
Yes.
So you know, as this is an award show,
yeah, as this is an award show, what award show
would not be complete without a musical performance,
right?
Oh, yeah.
T.I.K.
Yes, we were very excited because on the show, a musical performance, right? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Just kidding. She's gonna kill me. Just kidding, Patty. She's watching.
And another thing that happened is that we found out this year right before it turned 2018.
The Erica Jane is actually gonna be coming out with a ballad.
Yeah.
Now that ballad, we'll have to wait till next year to actually hear that.
And we don't have musicians, but we did invite our idol, Patty LaPone, to come sing her version of an Erica Jane ballad.
So please welcome Broadway's Patty LePone!
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm assuming Andy Cohen is late.
Patty, thank you so much for coming to the crowd.
Big rise.
I would say that I'm here to perform for you, but I'm not.
I'm here to change you.
I played a role, a role in a show called Vita.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
The show was about a young horse girl named Eva Peron, who worked her way up the YouTube
circuit and tells she found a politician to make her rich and gorgeous.
So, Eric Adjane, nice map to follow, girl. My kid is like a python
Think, take like a time bomb
Limit in addition, gotta buy in when I'll try on
I'm purchased like a lion, knock him out like Tyson
Everybody knows I'm a million dollar diamond
I'm reckless, not offensive
I destroy your defenses
My guess list is prices, when yes I run a tight trip, huh?
Bentley's and Benz is who cat-colored, 90's and dollared in cents, bitch what?
It's expensive to me me
It's expensive to be me.
Wow, wow, wow.
That was your welcome.
Your welcome.
Your welcome.
Now I assume I am paying for my own car.
Yes, sorry.
But thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards
of a parent's life.
But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.
I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast
from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest
and insightful take on parenting.
Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident
not-so-expert experts.
Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.
Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.
We'll talk about what went right and wrong.
What would we do differently?
And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego
in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.
So if you like to laugh with us
as we talk about the hardest job in the world,
listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.
Wow, everyone. I want to thank you. I want to honor Patty LePone herself, came to really show us and listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Wow.
Everyone, one on our patio alone
herself came to really show us how to do Erica Jam.
Andrew Lloyd, who motherfuckers.
That's right.
Andrew Lloyd's already.
That's what I gotta say, right there.
Yeah, I realize that is kind of the plot of Avita.
Erica's life.
I mean, if Avita had YouTube back in her day,
we wouldn't be here today.
Don't cry for me, Argentina.
The truth is, you're not gonna give a fuck.
Argentina.
The truth is, I never give a fuck, because I don't give a fuck,
Argentina.
I don't give a fuck.
When single fuck about you, Argentina.
I kept my promise to not give a fuck.
So we have a, our next category is also, it's both of us, Ronnie.
Oh my god.
Yeah, it's this one.
This one, you know, every year on Bravo,
there are so many questions that just hang over these shows that just play us and we always
want to get the answers to them and sometimes we never get those answers and so
we decided to highlight some of our favorite questions from the Bravo
universe of the past past year. So here to present best most vexing questions us
us us all right all right we can all put that on the low why don't we just we'll
just alternate on these nominees how about that all right, we can all that all below why don't we just we'll just alternate on these nominees. How about that?
All right, okay? Yeah, okay me or you okay? I'll do the first one. You have the first vexing question
Did you mean to make this a salty?
Had my last had my last me from top chef
Where's Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl Carl. Where's Carl?
Where's Carl Carl Carl? Where's Carl? Where's Carl? I don't? Where's Carl? Where's Carl? I don't know where he is.
Where's he? I don't know where he is.
Where's he is? I don't know where he is.
That's by Lauren Workers of Summer House.
And next, are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Ramona Singer from Real Housewives of New York City.
That was actually three nominees right there.
Ronnie just ruined the entire jet.
I'm sorry, we'd won it on at a time.
All right, the nominee for most...
That's a lot of crappies to give away, anyway, if she wins.
The nominee for...
The winner for most vexing question is a three-way tie. It's Ramona Singer for, are you kidding me?
And are you kidding me?
And are you kidding me?
Congratulations Ramona.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
And the one that I can't remember is the gift.
And the one that I can't remember is the gift.
So the guess we have to get out.
Sure. All right.
And for the next award, this is the Bethany Frankel
Entrepreneurial Award.
This is a girl that Ben met back in the day
for his duty gown.
Back in the day.
Back in the day.
His empire began.
Yes.
On the shoulders of this woman, she is an entrepreneur
in her own right she
she invented like a little machine to put nails in and nail things she'll tell
you all about it she was the star of the paint of the nail files she was also one
of the stars of the second wives club on e and she she is here to present the
Bethany Frankl Entrepreneur, honoring new and exciting businesses.
Yeah!
Kettikasola!
Oh my God, hi!
Oh my God, I love you!
I love you guys!
This is so exciting.
Yeah, isn't this like such a prestigious event?
You guys, I kind of feel like I really kind of feel like I'm going to be a real big fan of you.
I love you guys!
This is so exciting!
Yeah, isn't this like such a prestigious event?
You guys, I kind of feel like I really kind of feel like the Kelly Benzumon male.
Cause I'm on E and like, Kelly Benzumon was on Broadway but no one really gives a shit about her and she's overly tan.
No one gives a shit about her.
Excuse me, I've watched your Instagram lines.
I've never done that for Kelly Benzumon.
Yeah, at least you don't run in the middle of street down Fifth Avenue, Katie, because Orla. I mean, I would
if there's a hot saying. I was true. That's true. I like to
think of it. If I were honestly going to compare you and Kelly
Benson Mowne, I would have to say that you're here and she is
here. Oh my god, I love you.
Kelly Benson Mowne, call back everyone. If you're listening at
home, I'm doing the hand thing
Yeah, he's doing like that weighted scale. Yeah, yeah, it's like a really mean you
Really like to listen at home like she's not I know like hey if we could have been friends we definitely are gonna be friends
Every time I do this with you guys I feel like sometimes people are my friend
Yeah, and then I do this podcast and then I see those people out and they're like hey fuck you. I feel like sometimes people are my friend. And then I do this podcast. And
then I see those people out and they're like, hey, fuck you. And I'm like, you're welcome.
You're hard. You're hard. Thank you as well.
I have to say, when Jeff, Jeff Lewis came to do our live show that one time with Shannon and,
you know, his crew with the whole crew shows, which was awesome. And uh, Shannon was like,
Oh, I don't, uh, we heard a part of it.
We were playing a little bit in the car
and you called somebody to come.
I said, no, we did not.
I said, I learned four years ago,
I can't say that word.
She said, it was a girl.
It's Heidi.
Oh my God.
Yeah, that's my bitch.
Listen, I, yes, I was so proud.
And I love that they hit that episode.
It was like summer house. But listen, here's the thing. I normally that they hit that episode. It was like summer house.
But listen, here's the thing.
I normally don't like that word.
Like I'm normally not a person who uses a C word.
Working with saying it like that.
No, I was doing it in like a derit, like Fagaxon.
So I feel like it doesn't really matter.
It's like literally, she's acting like a country,
Faggy, country.
Yeah, you're like this conversation.
I do stop being so sensitive, God.
Jagger. Jagger.
He literally is the love of my life.
He said one word in 17 years.
Jagger says the seaweed all the time.
I just can't get his sense of humor.
That's all.
That's all.
That's all.
Jagger.
Oh, thank you, little baby.
Jagger, he's literally like Jesus. He's like the rebirth of Jesus
She is ridiculous. It's my name. So so Katie. Why don't you read the nominees in your category?
Okay, so it's kind of long, but thank that I went to college for two years
The Bethany Frankl Entrepreneurial Award,
honoring new and exciting businesses.
Some of them may have closed, but RIP and they tried.
They tried.
Yeah, each year, you can eat your sandwiches
crying about it in the new one anyway.
It was not like you're having a battle with that at Bidman's.
That I opened up the W that stills around.
Yeah, that's right.
All right, so number one, nominee,
it's kind of exciting because I would totally go here. I'm
half-deliant. Gorgas, Pizzeria. Yeah. Great. Great. Great. And Joe only though. Not Melissa. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not for my daughters, all right? And. Oh, God.
Okay.
And then, wow, the Countess collection.
Is that like some shitty evil thing?
Go to Ross.
Okay.
I know you're rich and famous now, but some of us still know what Ross is.
Sorry.
I don't dumpster dive anymore.
Oh, Lee.
I will not stand for this shade of Countess Luandela Seps bedding collection. That could be found at Ross.
Okay, it is bedding.
And I'm sure it's a good like 30 count, you know, yeah. 20 to 1 1 1 2 1 1 1 2 1 1 2 1 1 2 1 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 You wake up and you're bloody and you're like what did I do last night same thing Tom Daylosting
Number three pump sessions
Volume one by DJ James
We
By the way when I watch I just watch that the other night.
How many people I hear can agree with me that you thought that pasta was like a codename
for blow.
I actually, because I am a naive, I actually really thought they were talking about pasta.
Oh, God, that was pasta.
It was literally pasta.
You know what, Katie?
You know what Katie?
It's not about the pasta. Well, then I just inhaled a ton of pasta in the other room
That that's why you would never use that code word who believe that nobody
You can use it when you shop jump in a shop in a broth all right
Just too bad. I was like whoa buddy. You're jumping some stages there. Oh my God, this is a good one. You guys, true gold baby shoes.
No one likes it.
No one likes it.
No one likes it.
Oh, sorry, that was Mike from Shaws, right?
Mike from Shaws, that made baby shoes.
Kind of fucking lame.
They're basically from Baby.
Yeah, well, I thought he was a real estate agent.
Oh my God, he's been so many things.
He was a two-er bus driver. He probably was a
tour bus. Well, he got what? He got a two-word bus. It had his face.
I think he works at Saddle Ranch. So if you guys are in town for the next
weekend, he runs the Bullets Saddle Ranch as well. How about Nobleman Magazine?
That's kind of a big deal. Nobleman Magazine. Jeremy Rutter, just on the cover.
I mean, here we are. I mean, like, isn't he still no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Amazon reviews that say my dogs sitting pink and they're mad
So live as long as they're greedy who cares what their shit looks like
What is there help as if the brown shit's supposed to be any better
Since what is brown shit better? Well, actually, you know what this is kind of weird my dog one time eight those Halloween recess pieces like cops
No, the Reese's peanut butter cops with the foil,
the Halloween tinted foil.
And she went outside and took a giant dump
and it was reflecting in the sun and I was like,
oh my God, her shit's glitter.
And I looked at it with the wrapper.
From the, she lived.
So I think that's a great one, Star Root.
It was the original draft of Candle the Wind
was actually like wrapper in the shit.
Yeah, yeah, it's really rapper in the shit
It's a great house. I'm a killer pooped up bed die co-canned part of it that when he was a baby
Yeah, I'm in a picture frame too. See
That's why we rescue hashtag adopt don't shop because they can just eat fucking picture frames from my key and still live
All right, and they don't need like weird eyelid surgery like bulldogs and stuff like that
This is a good one envy boutique who the buckshelves there
envy boutique anyone who has a customer loyalty card that's envy boutique anyone
They've got a shoe from Milan, so
By now one she's being sued. She's being sued by the way by two people. Oh my Jackie. Oh, no
Well, she ripped off Dunian Burke like if you're gonna rip off someone rip off like yeah,
rip off the whale or
you never even do the whale. I don't know what these words are. Anyways, and the last one for the
crappies Rome.com
Wow. Landon. All right.
I have a website.
Hey, Ronnie, Ronnie.
Can you rip that line of pasta for me?
Yeah.
Wow, this pasta is really strong.
And the winner is Sparkle Dog, Pink Dog Food by Cameron
Westcott, Real Housewives of Dallas.
It's about time they got the guy received.
Literally, I really, really feel like it really should have won.
Yeah.
Katie, Kisorla, thank you so much for coming onto the crap.
Yes!
Fourth of all, we're on social media and such.
Yeah.
Fine.
Please, please.
Oh my god.
I'm accepting this award on the behalf of some girl who was on Real Housewives of Dallas.
I don't want to.
I love you.
All right.
In a ceremony performed earlier this evening, the following awards were announced.
Best Housewives tagline. Cameron Westcott, dumb
blondes, get noticed, smart blondes get everything. Best quote by a duo or group.
Who said that? Who said that? Who said that?
Who said that? Who said that?
Best quote of the year.
Leanne Lockin, they are just hands, but they work quite well.
And finally, best quote of the year for real this time.
It's not my fucking paint, you bitch!
Shannon Bedouard for the Real Housewives of Orange County.
Congratulations and apologies to the best boys at that restaurant.
So, there are a lot of great things about Bravo, but there's some things
that are like, we just love to hate, right? We just love to hate them. So now we are going
to talk about, we're giving a word out to the worst, but who we secretly really love.
And here to do this is someone I guarantee you all have seen his memes across the internet.
I'm sure most of you, if not all of you, follow him on Instagram.
It's Danny Pelagrino! I'm the ball of nerves, okay?
Why? Because of my category, it's intense.
It is intense. It is intense. I'm not nervous for myself.
I'm nervous for my favorite on here.
I'm nervous for me. I've only seen your stuff on Instagram.
I didn't know you were hot in real life.
What about that?
What about that?
What about that?
What about that?
Oh my god, good for you.
I feel like sheenoshet at her Las Vegas show.
Will you be singing good as gold for us soon?
Yes, yes.
Yes, Casvagas.
Can I give a tip that I heard about Sheenoshet in Las Vegas?
Yes.
I heard to buy the cheapest seats because they will move you up
because it won't be sold out.
Wow.
That's how much are the expensive seats?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm probably up with the $14.
That's a good Sheena hack.
I like it.
It's a good Sheena hack.
I'm sorry to live my dreams.
You know what?
It's all happening.
It's all happening.
It's all happening. Yes. I happening. It's all happening. Yes.
I think I'll have one of each other prime hotdails, please.
But so I'm a ball of nerves because you're in a safe place.
And I've been a ball of nerves for about a year and a half
because my favorite housewife of all time is Ramona Singer.
OK.
Yes.
And I know that she had a rough.
She had a rough last season.
She really didn't.
I thought, you know what, she's after last season.
I thought she couldn't come back from it,
but at the reunion, she saved herself.
But I'm still nervous, see people don't agree.
There's still people that do not like Ramona,
and I love her so much.
Yeah, it's not about liking Ramona.
Yes.
If you like Ramona, you're doing it wrong, okay?
Yeah.
It's not about that.
I need Ramona, though. She's a terrible person. That's a Ramona, you're doing it wrong, okay? Yeah, it's not about that. I need Ramona though.
Well, she's a terrible, terrible person.
That's a Ramona, but bad.
I think I just want to say if I have this opportunity,
this blast, I really, this is your moment.
I want to just say that to all of your listeners,
I hope that you all start to embrace Ramona
because I know that she's ridiculous
and I know that she's hard to love, but let's try.
Yeah, let's try. let's try to love Ramona
I because we love her we need her for the show we need your help find it in your hearts to do that find the Andy Cohen dating so
Thing that she went on where she had to date love connection love connects in your life will change
I will I will follow Ramona anywhere she wants to go yes
I think that was a quick to the olive went to the Olive Garden and she goes,
yeah, they just kept bringing bread.
What a crazy place.
I love her.
I like her want.
You guys, I like her want.
Actually, her wine is very good.
And I'm sad that it's out of prints or whatever.
Production.
It's out of print.
Have you read her book?
Ramona wine.
You can buy it on eBay.
It's actually good.
It was like good. Ramona, you know, greasy. It ages better, right?ona wine. You can buy it on eBay. It's actually good.
Ramona Pino Grigio.
It ages better, right?
It ages.
Mine.
Yeah.
Like a fine wine and you only get better with time.
Yeah.
Okay.
Ramona.
So my category is the worst, but the people we secretly love, the first one is Karen Huger,
which I draw the line at Potomac.
I know.
I respect that choice, Dan. Wait, but we know that's not so. I respect that choice.
Wait, but we got to fill five days. I watched every episode of Miami. I've watched every episode
of Dallas. I love, but I draw the line at Potomac. So I don't, you know what, I don't get it.
It's understandable. The next person is MJ from Shazavsonset, who I love. I love her. She's terrible,
but she's wonderful. Yeah, she's trying, you know, and she found true love and doesn't even watch her feet
They keep making like close-ups of her and a love and it's like crack-beet. It's so gross and amazing
She hasn't had to freeze a dog in a while. I think that's an improvement. Yeah
Progress, progress. It always looks like she walked over coals like that. Yes
Yes, you're a survivor and she made a kabob right while she was walking over them
She's dragging it along. She's doing her best.
So I have a soft spot in my heart for her.
But the next person is drawing your heart.
You're a hot heart, you said. My heart.
It's not about the pasta.
Yeah.
I always instinctively want to say that.
So to read is the next person who I can't stand.
Yeah, she's the worst.
She straddles that line as I do I hate, I hate, hate her.
But do I hate her but severely love her cuz she makes me laugh
I don't know
I'm sorry
Could I get this in a champagne flute? I just that you have champagne. It's a why not use it
I think she is a poor man's Batman villain
fair I'm not fair. Fair. I am really sorry.
I'm not a good woman to me.
I need a better villain.
How is your name, Pellegrino, and you order so lay water?
Who are you?
I'm not related to the water.
My last name is Pellegrino, but I'm not related.
So, okay, so the next person is Angela Stone,
real hustles of Auckland.
Oh my God.
Do you draw the line at Auckland,
or is that just like too far away to care?
Okay, so confession time.
I do watch international if it's Melbourne.
Melbourne is great.
Melbourne is great.
I don't think it was on the board.
I don't think it wasn't on Bravo in 2017, I believe.
So that's why it was nominated for anything we had to tell it.
Get out of here.
Get out of our awards show.
On Melbourne, they always say get fucked.
And I always want to use that as an insult
or a comeback or something.
They always say get fucked and then they walk and leave.
And it's like my dream and like, do that.
But I don't know that it'll ever happen.
We're either one who puts guys.
You can do it right now.
You can do it right now.
I can do it.
I don't have strength, but I'm the power.
I don't have the whole thing.
It takes a lot.
So the next one, that's like saying, good luck. Get fucked. I know. Actually, I'd like to get fucked. I don't know if it takes a lot. Yeah, well, I'm like, okay, so the next world, that's like saying, good luck. Good luck. I know. Actually, I'd like to get
fucked. The next person is Ramona Singer who I already expressed my love for.
Yes. Then we have Reza Farhan Reza. You guys, I need to stop and recommend
something to you. Google image search young Reza. Oh, yes He's hot right? Yeah. Yeah, but it feels weird like getting
boners from old age stuff. Like old timey stuff right? You never heard of vintage porn, it works.
Disgusting. No one trims there. You know what? Let's just keep going. All right.
Moving along. All right. So let's take in. Let's put Danny, let's like, let's ease your nerves.
Let's put you out of this misery here.
I know I'm so nervous.
Fingers are crossed for Ramona.
I love her.
I wanted a win.
I want, okay, so let's see.
The winner is of the worst.
It's Ramona.
Ramona Sauer.
Oh my god.
You guys are so, I really love.
I would like to thank Mr. Danny so late for believing in me.
I watch everything I do. Hey, thank Mr. Danny Solay for believing in me, watching everything I do.
Hey, thank you.
Thank you.
I feel relieved.
Danny, thank you so much for coming on to our show.
Everyone go follow me on Instagram.
It's amazing.
Down to Perligrino.
Thank you, honey.
Thank you.
You guys at the bar, I'm so sorry to bug you.
You can have another one, but just a single. Just a single.
Yeah? Thank you.
No. They're not strong enough.
You know, I'm a podcaster still. Let's not forget.
Don't let this sequin jacket fool you people.
Okay. These are amazing. Thank you, China.
Where are we next?
Okay.
So now we did the worst that we really love.
Now it's time to talk about just the worst.
Okay.
This girl will love the worst right along with us as we watch it.
She celebrates the worst on her own podcast network and like 5 million shows she produces
there called emotionally broken tacos. We've become little besties since we met her
at some random thing and I literally walked up to her
and I was like, you're gonna be my friend.
And I made it happen!
Everyone, please welcome.
Thank you guys.
Miss Mose McLean.
Mose McLean.
Yeah.
Mose McLean.
Mose McLean.
Mose McLean.
Mose McLean.
Mose McLean.
I have a quick charger cord. I have the base and I have my phone. It's an iPhone 5.
Okay, I need an iPhone 5. It goes. There is an iPhone, the big one.
Is anyone, I'm kidding you guys because they gave me just the worst and I'm angry.
So I've done bits because this is what, like literally I took a fence to it,
like the more I thought about it, the more you made me wait.
The more I took a fence to a sunshine.
I'm so upset that you gave me just the fucking worst,
by the way, does anyone have a dollar?
Does anyone have a cigarette for a dollar?
Does anyone have a dollar?
Does anyone have a cigarette?
Does anyone have a cigarette?
That is not a dollar.
This is $20. I have a dollar dollar do you want a dollar for a cigarette?
I'll take anything not menthol, but I'll take anything okay
I also have I'm here for work for 11 years
So if you anyone needs me to I have to go my ubers outside, but what do you mean?
The worst the worst
That was pretty good that was that was good. I'm close can I borrow this thing?
Yeah, it's pretty good. It's not gonna make that work. Never. I know it's not gonna. It's not cool
Yeah, don't let it scratch you don't we fucked right can I have this? I know it sucks when people are like here's your category
It's the worst but we do your lifetime podcast's, look, we did fat like me together, okay?
I love these boys so much.
These are my babies, like, I love them so much.
You look like a five year old right now,
and I'm like, hey guys, it's me, the human head weighs eight pounds.
Like, by the way, I matched with him on Raya, don't print this.
Like, don't print that, because I can't,
because I'll get kicked off Raya.
Yeah, I'm not.
I like literally, I'm like like I'm in a relationship now
I should delete raya, but I was like none I know that's like all you have going for you is right now
No raya is a light at the end of tunnel. All right, so why don't you read the num the nominees for just the worst
I actually get the dollar just the worst
Thomas I'm attracted to her physicality,
Rabinnell, from Southern Charm.
If I end up leaving this show, it's because the liberal media did it.
Thank you, Instagram.
Chef Adam from Below Deck Med.
Yeah, right here, okay.
I don't want to show.
He was just talking about it.
Cherice Jackson Jordan from Rehas
There's an audible groan from the mid section of my name is Tha Tha and I got a hubba boy Maryland so dark
Maryland's a really dark place. Okay, but that's Chris Megan Kenne Megan King Edmonds from the Ruhazah's Orange County. Justus.
Damn, things changed. Listen, you're getting booed, this is not good.
They're not, she's not getting booed.
That's just so worst.
Landon Clemens from Southern Charm.
The worst.
The worst.
The worst.
The worst.
The worst.
The worst.
Ziggy Flicker from the Real House by Zinu Jersey.
That's all I wanted.
It's all I wanted.
All right, so tell us that one.
Do you watch Jersey?
Honey, I'm like so...
Jersey has been penetrating me since I was in college.
I'm so deep in a fucking Jersey.
By the way, someone I was had to talk about. By the way, this mega mix, this
Mike and I's mega mix that Ronnie does is every. It is. This is
the best candy. I like the grease mega mix. Thank you. I
literally bite on the internet and mail to my
house. It's not it's not about the pasta. Yeah, pasta is cooked. We're from Megaz.
All right, now the winner for the worst.
Really?
All right.
Yes.
OK.
The worst.
It's Megan King Edmonds from the real house
that of Orange County.
Megan King Edmonds, I hate to kick her while she's down.
But.
Puh.
Puh.
Puh. Maul, thank you so much for coming on to the crappies. King Edmonds I hate to kick her while she's down but
Miles thank you so much for coming on to the crappies
I'm sorry Thank you
Everyone give it up for malls
We're coming towards it. We have only a few more things left and we're also running out of time so we're gonna have to but but but you know what though?
Here's the thing. We have two more or three more awards but this is a very important
okay. You know at every award show always remembers those who are no longer with us. And the time has come for us to have a very special in Bravo
Memorium to celebrate and to remember those who are no longer with us on
in Bravo and here to do it for us.
And here with us because look this is why there's an empty chair.
We have guests but when we started this show, we were three people.
And our third person died in a horrible, horrible mega mix
actually.
He choked on a mega mix one time at a gay bar girl.
We were there.
We couldn't revive him.
Neither one of us would do mouth to mouth.
Because we're all friends, you know?
So here we've invited his ghost back to do the In Memoriam.
Let's please welcome Matt Whitfield.
I did community theater.
I did community theater.
All right. Thank you. No relation to Shiree, the bone collector Whitfield.
No relation that we know of just yet.
Matt, I think we let's all give for a special applause for those who are no longer with us
on Bravo.
And Matt, Matt will read the list.
Matt, the stage is yours.
You promised me when I got here that you would introduce me as Mama Joyce and Candida.
Now, Matt would feel.
Rally, that's Matt.
I'm watching you talk about it.
Be my Matt would feel.
Okay.
We're gonna notice all of mine are just the screaming ones.
Do we get to discuss these as we go or no?
No, just go and tell us.
We don't have time.
Right.
I put on a suit and I came here all night,
but why can't get stuck?
Um, seems like the middle day.
Um, yes.
That's why he choked.
Yeah, that's why he choked.
He was complaining and he choked on a candy and he died.
That's how it worked.
Um, Fager Parks.
Fager Parks.
Esquire?
Esquire.
Esquire. Esquire. Okay, I think she's still an Esquire. Um, Eileen Davidson. Outworked on phager parks phager parks asquired
Okay, I think so I think she's still an asquire. Um, I lean David soon. Oh,
Girl, you know, it's a problem. It's a problem. I gave up so I'm done. You did you did not I did I only watched Rina on Instagram these days. Oh, that's a good show. That's a good choice
Yeah, but I'm it better with that I lean there my arch nemesis you did this on purpose. Yes, they're Dubro
All right, no RIP the worst ever ever next to Tamra she and Tamra the worst ever
Okay, we got to go we got to hurry ladies of London
Move left nobody. Lisa Nicole Cloud.
Oh, who is that?
I don't know.
I'm married to medicine.
Nobody cares, nobody cares.
My husband's not interested.
I didn't write this, by the way.
I was handed this.
On Eden Sassoon.
Eden Sassoon, everyone.
Gone too soon.
Gone too soon.
Landon Clements.
Oh, guys.
Goodbyes.
Landon's gone.
She died. Petty Flurred Baringer. Boo. Landon Clements oh guys Goodbyes land in scottin she died petty flur baringer
Flur from Melbourne petty flur. I loved her
Switched the beach reporter Christina Gibson reporting line. Oh my god
I don't know who this next one is but you told me to pronounce it a certain way, so I'm gonna try my best.
Evra!
What is this?
Evra, Summer House.
It's like the guy with PTSD.
Summer House, get it all, get it.
Be done with Summer House.
We gotta hurry this up.
Mike Shay.
Mike Shay.
Cena's husband.
My machine is husband, yeah.
A pizza for life.
A pizza for life. So for life
Matt Jordan Matt Jordan
And Kenya's garage windows. Oh
Brace brace Tom dogostino dagostino dogostino
Work that works uh soggy flicker. Oh
Good fucking ridden really?
the worst?
did you like her at Rowland Tamrock?
did you like her at first?
i've hated her from the get-go
and Dolores is an asshole
for backing her
don't gasp at me
no
it's all happening
no
Dolores sucks for backing siggy
um, siggy flicker's cake
siggy flicker's cake
r-i-p
it was not fake anyway
it's why we threw that in that man.
The real housewives of Auckland.
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
I'm from DC.
We should miss DC.
Yeah.
I do every day.
I miss DC every day.
I can't believe that.
The tonic's not real.
They don't live with the tonic.
That's not Potomac.
Manzoned with children.
I mean, rest in peace.
Don't worry.
Caroline and Jacqueline, I guarantee you are coming back for the next season.
Now, don't boo.
No.
The show is in the toilet and the ratings suck.
They need Caroline and Jacqueline back.
This is how the immemorial should be.
Yeah.
I know.
An angry immemorial.
An angry immemorial.
I'm a bad boy.
Classic Matt would field.
I know.
I need to rain you guys in and then tell you what's happening in the TV world
Married to medicine Houston. Yeah, I mean he's
I tried I tried really hard. Gorgas Pizzeria. Yeah
This one's important Durinda's lighting fixtures rest in peace
Rest in peace. What did I do?
Kathy Griffin. Yeah, yeah, bye
Do Kathy Griffin. Yeah, yeah, by
Sorry more importantly
Kathy Griffin no longer being on CNN that New Year's Eve show garbage. Yeah, your garbage
And finally Megan King Edmunds rest in peace. Yeah, bye. We're just giving Megan King Edmunds every sad thing that comes on There's not an award, but I kind of earned
Of course there's an award, Bayes.
This is the legacy award for Matt Woodfield
for being one of the founders of WatcherCrapit.
When am I getting a spin off?
I need a spin off.
Well, you know you gotta produce that to yourself.
No one produces it from either.
Matt Woodfield.
Okay, I just ruined a very fucking ruin.
It only works if you leave hating us.
I love you.
And come on next week to talk for real, please.
Love you, honey.
For people listening at home, we're giving some hugs to Matt Whitfield.
I have to say one other thing.
For all of the new listeners that give me shit on Facebook.
It's a serious problem and I will come back for you.
Okay, we're at the second to last category of evening.
This is the second most important category and And because it's the second most,
like because it has so much prestige here at the crappies,
we had to give it to someone whose brand new podcast
debuted at number three in the country.
It wasn't like number three in TV and film.
It was number three overall of all podcasts.
It debuted there.
You probably read his tweets because they are savage.
Please welcome to the stage.
That's the first time I've used savage like that, guys.
I'm gay.
I don't think I've ever heard him say savage.
That's what this man inspires in Ben.
Everyone, please welcome to present for best Bravo Liberty,
Iram Madison III. I'm always I'm always surprised at how tall you are Go to the man just not have Persezzo what what
Well, Ira by the way I was I'll talk about your podcast your podcast is keep it so everyone should go subscribe and listen to that
Thanks for being here Ira. Thank you. So we're running late so we can't have our normal award show pattern at the moment
So why don't you call read the nominees for best bravo Liberty all right?
I have some qualms, but I'll say it when I get to it.
OK.
Best Bravo Liberty.
Captain Sandy Yon, below that bed.
Gotta lift up an arm.
I don't know that show us.
Dr. Heavenly Kims, married to medicine.
Heavenly.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Kate Chastain, below that.
She just got sister.
Yes.
They are related.
Cool.
Times up.
Here is one person I have a quam with.
Quam?
Candy Burris, real housewives of Atlanta.
You know, I get that she was lied on and accused of, you know, rape.
Kind of, I mean, kind of.
But, Kenya is the best part of the show.
I will not have anyone arguing with me.
I love her. I am always team Kenya.
I think it's a fair argument. It's a fair argument. Kenya produces the hell out of that
show. Otherwise, we would have had that boring season with Kim Fields. Yeah.
We're nothing happened. Kenya made a storyline. Well, we can have a ride in candidate for
Kenya more. I feel like that's a I've got right in right in
Kelly Dodd your housewives of Orange County yeah yeah um
We put her in there because we couldn't just do the best comeback you know That was a good comeback Kelly Dodd. She was the most hated ever in them. Yeah
Margaret Joseph said real housewives of New Jersey. Yeah
Best Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yeah. Best.
That's a man.
She runs her business out of her foyer.
Yeah.
That takes some gums.
That's Lisa Reddough.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Countess Luan Delacet.
Real Housewives of New York City. Before the last one, I do have another ask the New York City.
Before the last one, I do have another writing.
Another writing candidate, yes.
Ray, real housewives of New York City.
Oh, well, Ray.
Put your old baddies a bit.
Rude.
Put me on the house.
Hey, it was not this year, was he?
Rude.
10 cans. Leon Lackin. Real housewives. I'm gonna put me on the house. He was always here, was he? Rew, to the hands.
Leon Lockett.
Real housewives.
I love your nails.
I love your nails.
Yeah.
All right, let's do this, Ira.
All right.
Best Bravo Liberty.
Wow.
I know how this person won.
I know the boys who did it it's Leon Lockett
Thank you, Iris. I would like to thank you for this
You got admit that was I mean
Luann is like my forever icon, but I think that entire
season is on the shoulders of Leann Lachin.
This is one of mine.
On the very page.
Oh yes.
You know, Leann Lachin is not here to accept the award, so you can accept it on her.
We have one final thing, and that is our best listener, Ms. Mina Koochi, get up here
and get there.
We do.
Look, Mina. I'm so sorry about we're getting the red light and so I'm speeding through and I'm so sorry.
Who are you here with?
Did you bring your boyfriend?
Oh my god, you're so cute.
Oh my god, look how cute he is.
Wait, what's your boyfriend's name?
What's your boyfriend's name?
Damn.
How do you like the show so far?
This show is awesome.
Yeah.
How long have you guys been together for?
We've been together for three and a half years.
Four years, almost.
Oh my god.
Oh, it's awesome. Anyway, I want to say. Oh, I love it. I always love it. I love it.
Anyway, I want to say to Mina, that I've won.
Is this a proposal?
I'm leaving.
Oh, my God.
I'm kidding.
This is so beautiful.
I love you so much.
And then I love that this group, Ronnie and Ben,
supports you so much.
They support you in ways that I can't.
I like, I know that, I know sometimes that,
like you feel, you feel low, you feel down.
But Ronnie, Ben, and then the community
that surrounds Ronnie and Ben, just, they build you up.
They build you up in a way that I can't.
And that's why in front of this community, I just want to say I love you.
And that you are the first person in my life.
And that's why I want to ask you.
Meena.
Meena Qutti.
Will you marry me?
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
She said yes, everyone!
Yeah!
The biggest prize of the night!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Wait, which one's the last one again?
I love you.
There's a lot of you guys.
I love you, bro. Congratulations. Yeah! Wait, which one's the left one again? There's a left one.
Congratulations.
Oh, that's a good one, too.
That's a good one, too.
That was everybody.
I didn't know y'all were like finding people love on this podcast.
I have some people I'd love to name.
Actually, Matt wants to come back up.
I will gladly propose to him.
So in true water crap in fashion, we ran out of time on our live crap in broadcast,
but we're happy to say that the show still must go on.
There are categories that must be gendered too.
Yeah.
You gotta give the winners there to do. Okay, we missed
the biggest categories. Yeah, but I am at before we get on to our final two
categories of the night. I do want to say that in a ceremony performed earlier
this evening, the following awards were announced, best new drunk Emily Moses
from invite only Cabo. Best New Reporter.
Reporter Christina Gibson reporting live. Best New Housewife with debilitating mommy issues,
Deandra Simmons. Most special place in our heart, Eden Sassoon. And best New Housewife
overall, Margaret Josephson, aka classic Marge, aka the Marge aka Joan Rivers.
And you were close real housewives of Dallas Lady who we love.
He's, oh, Dandra.
Dandra?
Yeah.
You were close, Dandra.
But sorry, Margaret Joseph is just like Joan, okay?
Yeah.
And you're not as much of a Joan.
Yeah.
I mean, ultimately Margaret Josephson was kind of at the center of this season in a way
that Dandra wasn't at the center of Dallas.
So we have to give it to, we have to give it to the mod, classic mod, classic mod.
Classic mod. Classic mod. Yeah. Yeah.
Look, Christ, I mean, Jesus, wait, God, I don't know, whoever invents everything in the world,
you know, whoever you believe in spiritual people, whoever creates humans can only really create three Joan Rivers, okay?
And they are classic Marge, Joan Rivers herself,
and of course, Sidby.
Yeah, so sorry, yeah, sorry Deandra,
but congratulations to classic Marge
for being the best new housewife of 2017.
Yes, congrats, we love you, Marge.
Congrats, congrats, Marge.
If I had my sound effects applause,
I would play it right now.
But I don't. Very exhausted. So I'm just going to sit here and listen to you clap.
But I am caressing a Golden Crapy Award lovingly.
Yeah. Well, you know, it's appropriate that you're caressing that because we are now moving on to a very special category.
It is Worst Show, Worst Bravo Show of 2017.
And Ronnie, do you want to announce who is going to be coming to the stage to present this
category?
Um, hold on, I'm looking for it in my list of stuff.
Okay.
Best Bravo Show, Best Bravo Show, Best Bravo show, best Bravo show, best Bravo show, there's
a lot of best for Oh, because they were split up for the clips.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, you have to go into the the the craft 2017 craft.
Oh, here I'll just I'll just email.
I'll just text it to you.
Here's I'm going to text the next category.
This is something wrong.
What am I doing wrong?
No, you didn't.
No, you did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. Okay. Well, the next category. This is, what am I doing wrong? No, you did nothing wrong.
You did nothing wrong.
Okay, well the next.
Well the next.
Oh, shoot, sorry.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Just what you thought that we're being professional this year,
just when you thought, this is what the golden gloves are like.
People are like, where's the nominations?
I mean, so far we're doing better than the Oscars right
i think you're saying that
that
that
that that
that
that
that
that
that
that
that
that
that
that we'd like to present one of the worst people on the earth
and bravo
to present this uh... worst show award and his name is Mr. Resa Farahan.
Oh my god, that was such white people music Like Persian music would be like don't don't don't don't
There would be like lots of finger symbols like that person, okay?
This is like so white
You guys I think we have to get on with this word show because they're like they're like Muslims that I have like
They're looking at us right now and like there's toys in the ground that they say their guns for children that are three years old
Like this is scary right now. That what he cried at Adam's arms right now.
And I almost had a father.
I almost didn't get to come here because they got me in a private room
and asked me questions because I looked like a terror rat.
I was like, okay.
I had like a Jewish side and like a Muslim side.
And it was like there was a wall between them.
So when I went to the whaling wall I was like hey
Well, between me and my family and I'm like look at MJ. She's such a bitch so stupid
Resa read the nominations. Okay, we don't have all day for the whaling while you son of a bitch. Yeah
All right. All right. The the worst show on brother
nominee number one when do I do them numerically?
no.
okay.
Relationship!
Relationship!
Why aren't these an alphabetical order?
this is so-not person, okay?
Oscar's so-not person!
why do people be like,
let's put things in all sorts of order that make no sense
and push people like,
ABCDEFG,
put in a wrong language.
that's so-purson!
we invented math! okay! back to the anime. Back to the anime.
The next nominee for a worse show of the not-numbered list is Jackson Brittany.
Take Kentucky Knees. Well, that sounds like the widest thing I've ever heard in my life.
I remember seeing that I said to start MJ instead of Kentucky it was just a giant turkey.
That's so Persian. Bitch be like I'm hungry. She has a bastard baby. That's so Persian.
Yeah, that was called Jack in the Box. Takes MJ. Like to heaven or something, okay?
Because she just went there and then she wasn't having, okay? We had to get a special truck to get around over there.
Yo, yo, this right here?
This right here, this is a word show?
We're like family, okay?
Like, we may have our ups and this, I fucking hate that girl.
That girl in the front row is drunk and like touching the table.
I fucking hate her, but she's family, you know?
She's family, you know?
Um, you know? She's family, you know? Um, you know?
Asker's so not person.
Okay, the next nominee is Real Housewives of Orange County.
Well, bitch, be like Orange County, that's like racist about orange people.
Motherfucker, be like Orange, that's like my ear mess blanket on my couch. The next nomination is called the first family of hip hop.
Now, excuse me, this is Thomas Ravinell here. I have to say I have to enter up this presentation
because I don't know how you can have a first family of hip hop when there's already a first family of bridges in Charleston.
Shut up Thomas Rapinel, okay?
Share the blow or sit down.
The Liberals did this to you all. You all are gonna die in hell.
All right, and I'm gonna be on my bridge with reading my Jane Austen over the line houses
By the freaking of the worst show ever. This is the worst possible nightmare for anybody who has ever slept with Thomas Ravennells
And this show is called a night with my ex Sounds terrifying. Tell me, I've come back to our show!
Tell me, oh, tell me, yes!
Guys, guys, I'm sorry I interrupted.
I just got here, I'm terribly sorry, the traffic getting here was ridiculous.
Did I miss my award?
Shut up white lady with me guys.
Why isn't anybody in here sharing their blow? We are family!
The next nominee for worst show of the year is stripped, a show about taking paint off
my rental house. No? No? Oh, I'm too… guys. Guys, am I wrong? No? This is called Strip!
It's basically what the inside of a house owned by Teddy looks like!
Strip down to nothing but poor little studs!
Holding wood sinks together!
Guys!
Guys!
Strip! That's what I call PK's cheeks!
There's no hair on them stripped the strip of any textured guys
Stripped what we read America's LinkedIn profile
So I we know seem that this seems like a lot of people are on stage. Does anyone want to
Read the give the award out now now that we've read the numbers
That's not on a proper tablet
I won't read it
It wasn't served to me in the proper envelope
Guys, I'm sorry, but I don't understand how you could put a regular letter in a giant invitation size envelope
I'm terribly sorry. I think it's just ridiculous. I think I have to leave now guys
Leave that is so white lady to leave
before the announcement has read.
Okay.
Babe, babe.
You're gonna read the reward, babe.
Why, are you calling me babe?
I heard babe, that may be babe.
Babe, so here's the deal.
I brought a Jewish leader.
I brought a Muslim leader,
and I brought a Christian leader. And babe, we're just going to read the award altogether.
And it's gonna be like, great man.
Oh you ready?
The winner!
I'm saying this from the audience because I left this day!
The winner for the worst show ever, brother, has to go to. I don't know, Ben,
could you read this for me? I can't read this handwritten. I was just ridiculous. They're all
wonderful shows. The worst show of 2017 is Relationship. Relationship. Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Congratulations to the first dating show ever on TV,
where no one wanted to date the bachelor.
Yeah, congratulations.
That wasn't the power of it.
I don't think any dating show or bachelor style show
has seen that many people break up with the bachelor
before he got a chance.
Yeah, really great work, great work, everyone.
So let's give it up.
Let's just give it up for a relationship.
Oh, look at that.
Look at this.
Oh, look at this.
Look at the audience.
Look at that.
The huge time in. And I just want to say honestly, I just want to give a special award, you know, for
one of, for best presenter of the night, I think we have to give it a degree, right?
I think so.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Alright, now get off.
Get off.
Alright, and now for the best Bravo Show nominees, Ben, who are you going to bring up to the stage?
Well I think there's only one person who could come onto the stage at this moment.
She's been through a lot this year.
She's had the highest, the highest, the lowest of the lows and then the lowers of the lowers. But she is, she is persevered because like, like that saying goes from last year or something, it was yet
she persevered.
They were strong, they were strong.
They were strong.
Just do it.
Just do it.
Wait, not, not, Apple computers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage.
Miss Countess Luanne D'Alessesse.
["D'Alessesse"]
Hey.
Yeah.
Um, hello, it's me.
I, uh, I'm wearing an ankle monitor, monitor just because it's fashionable not because I have to
Would you believe the girls wear an award show? We finally made it
People said we'd never get here, but guess what America. I'm here
Thank you, audience. Thank you. All right now since the the show is running 13 hours long, I would like to start reading the nominee. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a out, okay? Like, I'm the one who has something to plug. What's she gonna plug? Promises? Like, seriously?
Not really.
Listen, I'm Ed Ego LaFrance-Hassry.
What else do you need, Bethany?
The award for the worst interrupter of all time goes to Bethany F. Frankl, okay?
I don't even know what F stands for.
Bethany F. Frankl, okay?
Well, if there even is...
This is...
...ethany of middle name, like, I don't know.
Okay, stop interrupting. Hi. Well, is there even a... Happen to your middle name? Like, I don't know. Okay, stop interrupting.
Hi!
Well, this is crazy.
I've already won like three awards tonight.
How many of you guys won?
None?
Wow.
That's crazy.
Oh, geez.
Someone please go help Durandas.
She stabbed herself in the fork.
Someone, clear the stage.
Get off.
Get off.
I love for best new Matt Damon in a
Matt Damon is something about small people's this goes to glad
I thought they'd be a musical performance again
I don't think this is supposed to be how it works.
So maybe some way she'd just green from the inside of the envelope.
Oh, look at this. I love envelopes. Girls, could you please clear a path?
I have to read the nominees for a best bravo show of 2017. And the nominees are below deck med. It's a show about yachts full of medical professionals.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It's um, it's like our show, but way lower budget
and it's across the river where everything smells like garbage. All the trees are dead
over there. Real Housewives of Atlanta, I don't even know what that is. Who's on that show? Is that even on Bravo?
Hey, what is medium-dominated for?
What I want to know, lady.
Did you guys see that this is our last night?
I mean, someone died in a fire.
I don't know. It was very dramatic.
It's got to be better than a land to spoil or alert.
I mean, to be fair, I only saw commercial, but I just inferred. That's what I do. I mean to be fair I only saw commercial but I just inferred that's what I do
I'm a performer can't say so
I'm a without infer
Where's you can you pre-tariff?
I see like what's going on like what is this like in a watch show like well
I'm even on stage here like where's Frederick like it's supposed to be kicking up
I'm like this like fun Bethany you like that's what's going on now like I'm fine
I'm with Frederick like I laugh at things they get startled and I'm taking a car scene and he comes up to me
He's stars me like it's like sort of crazy. It's like like what's going on like I'm say like I get like a literally if this
Watch oh look oh look look look was
Denominated while Bethany can't is on a non-stop rail against whatever
My personal space the summer house which has become a year-round house
But it's not because I can't
afford an apartment in the city. Of course I could, a penthouse, a balcony, whatever. It's
because homeless were the hardest. My home is in my summer house. So congratulations to
my home, the year-round summer house. Congratulations.
The next nominee is something that's very dear to me and Luann. It's a show called Vanderpump Rules.
It's a show where Lisa Vanderpump tells you how to act
in a bar.
Of course, I already know, because I get three glasses.
I get a short glass that's full of vodka, a tall glass
that's full of ice and a lime.
And a third glass that's a medium size
that has three limes, some vodka, some oil and a little spritz of
lemon. Okay? Let's face it. If you really want to find a man with all those glasses, you
need to turn to the bartender and go, I'm thirsty. I make that face like you're trying to
sip an invisible straw. And then a guy will see you and say, Oh my god, are you thirsty?
Let me get you a drink. And then you say, I'll have some pelvic greeno,
which is just like water to my duoda.
Oh my god, that rinked.
Is there a price for best wine?
Okay.
I like what's good.
This is like a little bit too much.
Like I gotta say, like the last time
we all have something in New York,
like I don't see like so on the nose, like, let me know.
Like I can't, I can't, like, let me just like,
let me just like, let me just come here right now.
Ladies, please. on the nose like like let me know like I can't I can't like literally just like let me just come here right now. Um, ladies please the next nominee is a show that I've never heard of personally
it's called Real Housewives of New York City just kidding it's my vehicle my
V my home has been nominated and now my vehicle Real Housewives of New York City.
Wow ladies
thank you thank you for reading this nominee is I think I think I guess we're
ready here let me let me put this envelope over here. Here is one missing excuse
me excuse me I do not want to interrupt your show but there is one missing from
here. Oh real that's why it's a Dallas. Okay oh my goodness how could we
forget Real Housewives of Dallas, of course.
Thank you, thank you, Mr. D. Simmons, for being here.
It looks like if you hadn't had such a hard night, good morning, we could have totally omitted
your presence in this category.
There's a reason these are called the crappy!
Woo!
Sit down, Leigh-Anne.
We told you.
We told you enough. Sit down, ma'am We told you. We told you enough.
Sit down, ma'am.
Listen, I already have a warrant from earlier tonight.
And this award, it may be just an award,
but it works quite well.
All right, you can't just use that line for everything, okay?
Yes, I can.
I have a seat filler right now.
Look at him right there.
He's just a seat filler body works
Wow, okay that one kind of you know what else you know what else about the seat filler?
Hey, guess the x-soaked it the round up and I know the guys who did it
Well all right lian lian yeah, I'm Ivan here. I mean half of the other like
Lonnie lian hey
Luan lian like David Leatherman huh li. Luan, Leigh Ann. Like David Leverman, huh?
Leigh Ann, Luan, Leigh Ann, Luan.
Bit kills every time.
Leigh Ann's are smart.
Luans, they're about as useless as a screen door
on a submarine.
If you wanna know what that means, follow my Instagram,
which is full of hashtags, other sayings.
By the way, before we reveal the best Bravo show of 2017, let's give
a round of applause to little Miss Crapies. She has been presenting awards all night.
It's Cameron Westcott. Thank you. Thank you. Don Blonds walk on stages
Smart Blonds give awards on stages
And I'm gonna read with this but Jesus Christ
Maddie get in here and help legally legally rubber faced over there seriously what happened to her?
There's a wicked witch on this stage
Rubber faced over there. Seriously? What happened to her? There's a wicked witch on this stage. Should I push her off?
Or should I tell her all about Mexican food from Cabo San Lucas?
Alright, wrap it up.
Alright, here we go.
Alright ladies, here we go. We're gonna read the award.
Drumroll please, the award for Fest Bravo Show.
That's me. That's me. I'm being the drummer all because it's like so low-ramp. Drumroll please the award for best Bravo show
That's me I'm being the drummer all cuz it's like so low ramp
Drum time time time time time
Someone quiet down that facts machine
And the winner is oh this is surprise it snuck in right at the last second there and somehow magic the big prize
It's real housewives of Dallas!
Whoa!
I'm out of here.
Thanks a lot for wasting my goddamn night.
It was a drink.
Damn right it is.
Damn right it is.
I want to thank my daughters, Brooklyn and the other one and my friend Stephanie Stephanie come on up here
Oh my god. Oh my god. That's me. That's me
Sorry that I stopped talking to you, but it was
No, no, no, no, no, no, it's over, but you know, it's just like a head baby things going on
So like I miss you so much. I just want to say that I dedicate this award
Listen you listen you I was gonna dedicate this to people who suffer from PTSD and I guess that's just not
Important to you is it and you have a brother who tried to commit suicide wants huh?
Okay, you know what having flush eating bacteria doesn't give you the right to say whatever you want for the rest of your life, okay?
It's over. It's over now. It's over now, Liam. Okay.
That's what your husband said. We tried to drown you in the pool and you're four.
That's what I heard. That's what I heard.
How do you wait a minute?
Janet just came in here and stole our crappy.
I saw you, Janet.
We are proud to announce that all the winners of the crappies are going to be taking home
a complimentary vial of L-22. So please use and good health. We want to thank everyone
who came to this ceremony, both live and virtually. It was really, really one of our best
ever. And I think, Ronnie, I think we're looking forward to doing it next year
But then even even larger venue so even more people can come and celebrate
This fine fine award show so much fun guys, you know what now we're gonna get back to your local news
We're sorry. We've gone over but you know someone found a dog on a freeway etc etc
Okay, everybody peace out love you. Bye, everyone. ["The End of the World"]
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