Watch What Crappens - #215: My Fab Yacht Reunion Is Fierce, Okaay?

Episode Date: August 27, 2015

The "Real Housewives of New York City" reunion powers on, and this week, we take on Dorinda's slurry accusations, Heather's '90s outfit, LuAnn's hatred of Mario, and Ramona's renewal. Then it's on to the season premiere of "Below Deck" as we meet the new crew members of the S.S. Eros. Will Aerosmith appear? More importantly, will Train show up for "My Fab 40th," or will crazy party planner Sarina screw everything up? Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) discuss it all. Come listen! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is.

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Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. Hello, everybody. Hashtag couch desk. Hashtag couch desk. How is that couch desk treating you today? I'm so good. I'm becoming a part of it. I'm loving it. Well, part of the couch, not the desk. So this is a very exciting day today because management in my building may be walking in in the middle of the podcast to inspect the water conservation things in my bathroom. So everyone be prepared for that.

Anyway, I am Looney Tunes. Don't want to be contributing to the drought. I am Looney Tunes right now. I have my Tiago coffee. And for those of you guys who listen to this religiously know that when I get the Tiago coffee, it's real overdrive. Plus, I just went swimming in the pool. What is a Tiago coffee? to this religiously know that when i get the tiago coffee it's real overdrive plus i just went swimming in it in the pool what is the tiago coffee how do i not know that have i not listened to that part what is a tiago coffee well it's it's it's a different it's it's like instead of instead of going to starbucks i went to tiago tiago is a coffee shop

oh that's a place yeah it's amazing it's at it's on hollywood and lebray it's my favorite coffee shop and when you get their cold their cold brews are like jet fuel it is like you know it's like you know what you know what i turned into i turned into yosemite sam after he's like sat down on hot coals like running up the walls with smoking at my butt um so do they charge as much as starbucks i have questions uh my medium which is i think 12 ounces, is $2.73. Oh, that's cheaper. Oh, no, it's a medium. It's more expensive.

No, it's the same size as the Grande. Yeah, but a Grande is like, what, $2.60 or something? And also being a cold brew. But I'm telling you, this is stronger than the Starbucks cold brew. The Starbucks cold brew, I think, is more expensive. Anyway, so through Starbucks, i bought a uh coffee maker and so now i'm having like two pots of coffee a day and i'm effing crazy yeah well i have the tiago coffee in me and i also um i decided to swim laps this morning and so now i'm in like that that post swimming i know post swimming my body goes in this like weird

place i got all the endorphins come out so i'm in the middle of an endorphin rush slash coffee high, and I am crazy. Well, I've done nothing, and my coffee doesn't affect me like you. It just makes me very paranoid. Like, who's outside? Who's outside my door? That's Shirley Manson. So anyway, no one really cares about this. I don't know why I'm talking about all this stuff.

What people should care about is coming to our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends. Just the funniest shit on the Internet is there. Basically, I think that's how you can sum it up, right? It's the funniest Facebook page. It's definitely the funniest TV fan page out there. Look, someone just texted to find out how they can get involved with the Facebook page. Facebook.com. They're like, hi, how's your water pressure? Are you you conserving water and how do i go to your facebook page facebook.com forward

slash watch our crap also go to our patreon page patreon.com forward slash watch our crap and then you can support us there and get access to our bonus episode this week we talked for an hour about like jared fogel and josh takeman uh the cheating husband of of what's her face Kristen Takeman on uh Real Housewives New York City and uh we talked about a lot of other things super fun stuff I think that's all I have to plug or we have to plug right yeah I think so um I wanted to say Josh that, that wasn't nice. Yeah, we've already talked about that. I was super angry.

And I think because I ignore the world so much that when you tell me all this shit going on in the world, like, I didn't know all that Subway mullet. I mean, I knew that he was gross, but I didn't know how far the Subway guy went with his skin sleeping bag ass on underage kids. I didn't know all that stuff. So I get so mad when I actually hear it. Just don't tell me the news, all right? No. Well, the news yesterday was terrible, so we won't even get into that. But it was National Dog Day.

Did you put up a picture of Bueller? No. And maybe that's why he's giving me guilt trips. He's walking around lately, like, just giving me these sad looks. Like, I'm just not understanding him. And I'm like, I's giving me guilt trips. He's walking around lately, like, just giving me these sad looks. Like, I'm just not understanding him. And I'm like, I do understand you, darling. I just don't want to go outside right now.

That's it. Well, you know what? I have actually had a little bit. Like, National Dog Day, I'm sorry, was just too much. Because people were, you know, Facebook was. You're a dog hater. You're like a secret dog hater. I'm more of like a annoying dog owner hater.

I don't hate dogs. I think I hate the owners that are like crazy. Because then people put all these pictures up of their dogs. And they're cute and everything. But people act as if they don't have license to do this every other day. Because every day, my Facebook feed is just filled with babies and dogs. Every single day. And everyone's like, oh my god.

In honor of dog day, let me put up another picture of my dog. I'm like, well, you put up a picture of your dog every day, actually. How about we have a national not-dog day, all right? Where all you bastards have to put up a picture of something else. Yeah. Someone posted a video. There was a video that someone made where it was like a how to survive a pit bull owner attack. And it was like you're at a party and someone starts talking about a pit bull owner attack. And it was like, you're at a party

and someone starts talking about their pit bull. And if you like ask a single question, they're like, well, pit bulls are really nice. As the owners, they start like relaying dog stats. You have to like get out of there immediately. Yeah, pit bulls don't kill people. People kill people with pit bulls. Okay, man.

Yeah. Oh Lord, listen to it outside. It's like, I live by an old folks home home and all day every day for the past three days, sirens, sirens, sirens. Like how about you guys – how about we have a don't die down the street from me day on Facebook? Yeah, that's a great idea. So I can have one day without thinking about how your heart attack has to affect my stress level of the day. Okay? It's very stressful when you have a heart attack near me okay that's all i'm saying from here on out august 27th will be forever known as

don't die down the street from ronnie day i mean seriously if you're going over there every day ambulances maybe use like a quieter like a quieter siren. You're there every day. It's like getting people desensitized. No one even cares in this neighborhood if you hear a siren. Like no one even pulls over. It's like oh there's another fucking siren here to take the spirit of an old person. Christ's sake people stop dying over there. They just need Heather

Dubrow to go over there and build a carport on the old person's home and the ambulance can just stay there. She's like the room for the ambulance is in the back so it won't affect fairfax rebuilt in our very own operating room also are old people like spontaneously combusting when they die now because there's always fire trucks too what the hell okay why do i need a fire a fire truck if i've had a heart attack i just don't get it you know what don't get me started on old people today i i'm sorry people who are new to this

podcast i'm so sorry because we are seven minutes in and we haven't even touched bravo except bonus episodes on a regular day all right let's move on wait no i have i know though ronnie i have to say one last thing about old people oh i thought that was your segue into real housewives of new york no no they will segue into it but back to the swimming last thing about old people. Oh, I thought that was your segue into Real Housewives of New York. No, no, no. They will segue into it. But back to the swimming pool. Motherfucking old people in a swimming pool. You know what?

I respect my elders, and I actually do love old people. But I think that after a certain age, old people should not be allowed into public swimming pools. Okay? Because, first of all, half of them, all they do is do the walk thing. They just walk up and down the pool, which is fine. But then, like, why does each one need their own lane? How about they all get five people walking in a row,

like a chain gang and like one half a lane and it'd be perfect. But they always take up a lane. And if they're not walking, they're doing some really, really slow, poorly formed breaststroke. And so I sat there for 20 minutes waiting to get in because there was a cabal of old Russian ladies in the pool and they would not consolidate.

You know, I'm like it was driving me absolutely nuts. So I'm sorry. It's like on the sidewalk, you know, people can't even share a damn sidewalk anymore. I was walking Bueller yesterday and this girl walked like across the – she walked onto the street around the cars. I was like, really? What's scary, him or me, bitch? Yeah. I do that too though. or me bitch yeah i do that but yeah you can't do that in a pool the thing about water aerobics guys is if you go to water aerobics

look around no one's thin okay yeah stop including your water what the fuck are you doing you should see like i'm lifting my arms what are you so proud you're lifting your fucking arms but it's in a pool it's harder your arms are not are not even in the pool. It's not harder. Stop it. Yeah. Okay. So speaking of old people who should learn to stay in their lane, let's get to Real House as a New York City. Where Bethany is in every lane all the time. Talk about the ambulance that won't stop coming by.

Jeez. Yeah. What do you think about this, Bethany? Good Lord, woman. It was the extended Bethany interview again. She's got walls up in between the lanes. Walls are up. It's like, I took my walls down for this episode.

My walls are down. Has anybody noticed? What's my walls? Anybody see my walls? They're down! They're down! Ramona, here's what I think about you. It's like, everybody. Andy would be like, Ramona, tell me about your affair. Oh, i'll tell you you know he's got a nasty streak now i'm trusting men i trust men you know i'm okay now i'm fine if you ask me again if you ask me again about ramona i'll be on the floor crying because i'll

be so happy to talk about her i'm crying from happiness literally my walls are down my happiness my happiness nets are up catching happiness the happiness. The neuroses in New York. Oh, my God. I love it, though. Oh, stop. So my meta note or my macro note on this episode was it was aight. It was aight. I think this was like a filler episode.

And then next week we're going to get to, or tonight, we're going to get to some more craziness. Because the first part of the reunion was crazy. This episode was like, you know, whatever. It was sort of like yelling, but you know. This episode was spray tan. All I could look at was Carol's face for the whole episode. I had a dream.

Carol was in my dream last night. Oh God. How'd that go? Were you bringing her out your mouth? Was it like a Death Eater dream? No, she was really cool actually. You would appreciate this i think i was looking for i was looking for a new roommate even though i didn't have a roommate but i was looking for a roommate and she was helping me and then the guy i did choose i was like okay so like are you neat or whatever he's like yes

and he's like he's like here's what you need to know about me my favorite store is ross dress for less oh no you've infiltrated my brain ronnie that's so i had carol advising me on a guy and then i chose him and then i woke up oh bean i'm so sorry bean i know well you would know how that dream turns out if you'd lived my life. No roommate, hardly any ex-roommates of mine are happy, Ben. All right. So anyway, so the reunion started off with more talk about Adam. Adam and Carol. And Andy asked Carol if she would have dated Adam if she had known it would piss off Luann. And Carol said, no, of course not.

And then, you know, I don't know. Luann. I didn't even write that down. We were watching different shows because I was writing. I wrote that the first thing that happened in this reunion episode was Heather's bra under her scarf dress. Please, Heather, stop it. Or her laser dress.

Oh, I should have queued up more 90s house music to play in the background whenever we talk about Heather. I'm sorry. Heather's bra. Oh, I should have queued up more 90s house music to play in the background whenever we talk about Heather. Heather's bra. Oh, my God. I couldn't because it opens with Heather giving everybody a dirty look like she's just about to tell them off. You know, like the verdict is in and Heather's about to read it like Nancy Grace would. You know, and then it's like you're in a bra. I can't.

I can't take you seriously when you're yelling at me in a bra. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm tired. I can't. I can't take you seriously when you're yelling at me in a bra. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm tired. I can't. I'm exhausted. But Heather's bra and then Luann's side of the shiny ass couch.

Those girls are like if to-go containers at restaurants became drag queens. Those ladies are all wrapped in foil of different horrible, tacky, shiny materials. Can't. Stop it. Shiny, happy people, blah, blah, blah. That's why Heather's so fucking suntanned. I mean, that's why Carol's so suntanned. She starts to look like a totem pole, okay? And it's because of all that shininess from the dresses.

Leave Heather's face alone! I still can't get used to Luann's shitty dress. I mean, it is so... It just gets worse and worse. I mean, this week I started to think that maybe it was, it looked like it was made of, like, ribbon material. Like, you know, ribbon before it's been cut down to ribbon, like the big sheet of synthetic

material that, you know, like, before they cut it up and send it off to Michael's. Yeah, that's the shit that, that's like the kind of ribbon that Meemaw saves in a gift bag, and then uses, like, every two years, and you're like, I will never forget this ribbon. Cause it was so fucking ugly the first time. I know Luann,

Luann, you could do better. You could do better. Low Luann. Well, what's going on with Luann? Because they talked about how much Luann has changed. And Bethany was like,

Oh yeah, she's got a stick out of her. I mean, you know, Bethany had something to say about everything, but Luann really has changed a lot. When they were showing that clip of Lu know, Bethany had something to say about everything. But Luann really has changed a lot. When they were showing that clip of Luann making Bethany, who looks, by the way, 20 years younger in that clip. Not that she looks old now.

Just her face is so different. Making her call her missus in front of the taxi driver. Yeah. I know. I actually kind of missed that Luann. But, you know, Luann did take the stick out of her ass, and then she's promptly put it back in for this reunion. I mean, it's crazy.

Luann is off her rocker this reunion. She needs to, like, just take a moment, relax, accept the fact that she will not be the one getting with Adam, that it is Carol, and move on. Well, I think that Luann has really learned to take the stick out of her ass, but only long enough to put a dick in it. Then once the dick is out, she puts the stick right back in. Because that's the only

time she really loosens up is when it's about dick, you know? Well, you know that things are really bad between her and Carol when Luann announces that Carol is no longer welcome to sleep over at her Hamptons house. Oh, God. Do you even have a guest room in that hovel?

I know. Carol wouldn't be going to that lame-ass ex-wife house anyway. I love how Carol's response is it's fine. I'll just stay over at Bethany's. Because you know Bethany's house is now much larger than Luann's little seaside shack. Of course. It doesn't cost money to get a show

canceled. She's like, still got my $40 million. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, seriously, Luann, from your house, you can see your neighbors, Luanne. I don't think that's disgusting. No one will feel comfortable sleeping in that house. I mean, you might as well move to Quag. Heather would be like, I saw a neighbor. I was naked. Naked.

And there was a neighbor next door. naked! Naked! And there was a neighbor next door! And then the house music starts up. I'm just imagining, by the way, I would just imagine Heather with one of those wraps around her head. You know, like that. Who'd wear that wrap? You know what I'm talking about? Like the Gloria Swanson hat?

Like a turban, you mean? Yeah, sort of a turban-y thing in her blazer and her bra, and like black and white video, but it's sort of like choppy a little bit as she dances, and her dance is basically her swimming back and forth with her arms back, and going, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Basically, it's the 50s all over again, but there's shapewear now.

There's stolen shapewear. It's like Back to the Future.'s shapewear now yeah there's stolen shapewear she's it's like back to the future she's gone into the future and stolen shapewear and gone back to the 50s she brought it they call me mr nana they call me mr vein whatever that song was remember remember that like that period of time from like 1990 to 1992 when it was all shit like black box I think I even have one of those black oh no that was when I was in high school and I was like um the world is stupid I'm gonna listen to my Liza tape

and combat boots and my long hair and chain smoke with the cholas outside and then go to community theater at night this is the song that I imagine now scores Heather everywhere she walks oh yeah this is the song that I imagine now scores Heather everywhere she walks. Oh, yeah. This is the Heather song.

You see her just, like, dancing around. I gotta stop before we get a copyright issue. Oh, God. Could you imagine? Get a life. Black Box is like, excuse me. We heard that in episode 215 of the Watch What Crappens podcast, you use our song from 1991. I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about black boxes.

Because I had a good friend one time. It's like, oh, no, here we go. Oh, no. I'm in your song, Heather. You're ruining everything in your bra. In your turban. Oh, God. Heather has a turban now in my head. Even though that's not what you were talking about at all.

I know. Well, it's not a turban. It my head, even though that's not what you were talking about at all. I know. Well, it's not a turban. It's like a wrap. It's like a wrap. Like a thing that goes around, like a scarf that goes around and is floppy. Because a turban comes together nicely on top, but a wrap is sort of messy on top. Yeah, so like a Jamaican lady wrap? Yeah, exactly.

With big, chunky earrings. That's what Heather's wearing. She totally would do that. Wearing the bra and her green blazer and then dancing to Black Box. She would do that. And then she would totally wear that scarf as a dress the next day and be like, look, guys, units. But now I own it. So it's called munits.

It's like, no, Heather, it's still not your own business plan. Okay. All units. Yeah. business plan okay all units yeah so i love that she totally takes us back to the 90s every time we talk about it we're like all right let's just talk about the 90s for 20 minutes we've mentioned heather also another another general note um lipstick what is there a trend in lipstick is there a trend in lipstick that people just aren't talking about but we're only seeing on this show? Why is everybody in

tangerine pink lipstick? Not cute. That's all I have to say. I just don't understand why. It makes your teeth look yellow. The lipstick has never been good on Bravo. Not even on Andy. Yeah, but this is particularly I mean, it's like tangerine. It makes everybody's teeth look yellow like they were all eating buttered popcorn flavored popsicles or some shit. Well, but this is particularly... I mean, it's like tangerine. It makes everybody's teeth look yellow, like they were all

eating buttered popcorn flavored popsicles or some shit. Well, maybe they were. Well, that's true. You know, I'm hungry. Do you have any M&M's or some tangerine butter popcorn? Ramona not being difficult. Is there a nut? Is there a nut? Is there an M&M? Is there an M&M

or a nut? I'm sorry. I'm hungry. I don't want to push through it. I want to have an M&M. Okay there an M&M or a nut? I'm sorry. I'm hungry. I don't want to push through it. I want to have an M&M. Okay? Okay? It's my snack time. I like M&Ms because they remind me of Mario and Mario together. Both sides of him.

The good side and the bad side of him. I've changed Andy. I've changed Andy. But my snack time hasn't changed Andy. Okay? You know what? My favorite are the yellow M&Ms. They remind me of sunshine.

Okay. The green M&Ms remind They remind me of sunshine. Okay. The green M&Ms remind me of the trees and the birch trees. Oh, my God. No. Okay. You know what? Okay. You know what?

This is taking me back. These green M&Ms, this is like the trees. I can't. You know what? I have to leave the reunion. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Green M&Ms make you horny.

It's not Mario's fault it was a midlife crisis. It takes four years. It takes four years, Andy. I don't want to It takes four years. It takes four years, Andy. I don't want to see a green M&M for four years, Andy. So we haven't even started going blow by blow yet. Well, no, we started a little bit. We started a little bit. There was sort of like the dying embers of Luan and Carol's fight until it comes back again next episode.

And then we went into the Dorinda. Did you hear? I have to point out something because I've done some really great detective work this season, as usual. But did you notice that they were confronting her about how it wasn't a big deal? And then Carol's like,

yeah, remember? I sat down with you and then you said, oh, it's no big deal. We'll move past it. And then you were mad on Twitter. And Luanne's like, well, you know, it's no big deal we'll move past it and then you were mad on twitter and the one's like well you know it got bad it escalated she's like how did it escalate if anything it de-escalated she's like no it escalated you know when it came to a head

was in turks and cacos i was like yeah of course because they came into your fucking exactly and by the way it and that's the biggest bullshit of all it came to a head in turks and cacos adam wasn't there how could it come to a head in turks and c of all. It came to a head in Turks and Caicos. Adam wasn't there. How could it come to a head in Turks and Caicos? No, what came to a head is that Luann got mad at Carol. That's all. But she got mad about the barging in situation, which we'll get into the next part of the reunion. But that shouldn't have had any bearing on Adam. I guess in Luann's head, she's thinking, you know, it was so rude and so inconsiderate.

And it makes me realize how inconsiderate you are. You stole the hot help. That's probably in her head. I think she just got mad that they came in her room and that's it. And she's pissed. And that's what this whole thing has been about. And she's so transparent that she forgets that that's her lie. And she's like, oh, it came to a head in Turks and Cakes.

Oh, really? Was it when you had the busboy's dick in your ear or not? Like, when was this? head in Turks and Cakes. Oh, really? Was it when you had the busboy's dick in your ear or not? Like, when was this? A lot happened on that trip. Like, how could you get that much 20-year-old dick on a vacation and still be upset that someone barged in your room? It's like, I'm a private person, or I'm a public person, but my vagina is very private, all right? Keep your photographers away from it. Shut up, man.

No one cares about your flappy-ass vagina, okay? So anyway, so then we had a montage of Dorinda being crazy, which I love. This is probably my favorite montage of the reunion so far. It's basically her just being, you know what? You know what? You got to back it up, John. You got to back it up. You know what?

You know what, Heather? Back it up. Back it up. Get out of my potato sack. He's like, and we've also met Dorinda. And she's like, yeah, I'm gonna be tight. She's like, Mr. Jensen.

No one's supposed to be like, get back your head out. I wasn't trying to backdrop so it's not drunk. I love drunk Dorinda. I love not understanding one thing, and she's just smiling and nodding like it's just another day at the office, you know?

She's like, you know, it's nice. I got the cast, Gran. Yeah, John. You're 40, but you don't want to make a sandwich. Why is everybody asking me to make a sandwich. I'm not a mom anymore. Get out of my house. So, Balloon came in the light in London. And then they cut to Heather in her bra sitting there mad.

I love it. They're showing Dorinda like, You know, I told you to get out of John's ass if you don't're turning Dorinda into Kim Richards, by the way. Just wanted you to know. Well, she was so drunk in that montage. She was like Kim Richards without a bargain bin. Without any Hello Kitty merchandise. Well, what I loved was that

so they showed footage of John basically molesting Kristen. And so then Dorinda gets mad at Kristen again. And Kristen was like, no, when John molested me, I never said anything about it. But Ramona went around and started talking about it.

And so I said, yeah, like I didn't like it. So I took myself out out of the situation and dorinda just would not hear it you're just like yeah you just walk away you know if you don't like it you know like whatever you didn't you didn't get hurt by it you're still alive no big deal i was like you know what dorinda i love you that's not the response yeah but that's gross it's like the response should be like oh i see what happened there and i know i wouldn't like it and i would feel uncomfortable too so i'm sorry i apologize on behalf of john that's all she has to say well do you know what this is exactly like the the thing you were saying earlier about um how hard it is to confront pit bull owners it's the same thing it's like your dog humped my leg pissed on

me and then you know like tried to rape my shin and she's like well yeah is it my fault you should smells like, you know, a bone? No. If you don't want someone helping you lick, don't smell like a bone.

And if you don't like it, don't be on the sidewalk. All right? If you don't want to be molested by John, stop smelling like a sandwich. And don't make a sandwich. I was drinking coffee.

Way to leave me hanging there on my sandwich joke, Ronnie. I'm sorry. That's never going to make crap in quotes. I was thinking

a drink. I was like, this will be a good Bon Mo. Everyone will like this. People will be on Facebook saying, oh my god, Ben, when you said that joke about the sandwich, I L-O-L'd. You're the best, Ben. But no, you didn't laugh, and everyone thinks it was just a bomb! Sorry, that was funny. You really the best, Ben. But no, you didn't laugh, and now everyone thinks it was just a bomb!

Sorry, that was funny. You really took out the chaos crayon on my joke. That was funny, though. Are you dead? Did you call CSI? I mean, with Mark Helleberger, you know, everybody likes her. Oh, John would love to hump her. Oh, yeah, if we ever met

Mark Helleberger, he would be all over her. And I'd say if you didn't like it, don't be Mark Helleberger, all right? John wants to go to the county fair and get on a potato sack with Mark Helleberger. If you don't want to be looked at like evidence, then don't just lie there on the floor and look gorgeous, Mark Helleberger. Just stop it. Hey, if you don't want to get under the dome, don't get under the dome without Mark Hellenberger. Mr. Judson!

How did Mark Hellenberger get in here, by the way? Where did she come from? How did she get into the mix? We're talking about sandwiches and potato sacks. All of a sudden, Mark Hellenberger. Which, by the way, I could totally see John having a thing for her. Totally.

Of course. Who doesn't? Mark Hellenberger's hot. Is it Hellenberger or Helgenberger? I don't know. I just like to imagine Dorinda says it differently every time. Mike Hegenberger. I just call her that lady who's got her rent paid forever because of CSI. Yeah, I'll have the

fettuccine Alfredo and John will have a Mark Helgen burger medium rare, please. Thank you. Back it up. Back up. Back it up, Mark. Back it up. You better back it up, Mark Halligan burger.

If you don't want to get in a sandwich, Mark Halligan burger, don't get in a sandwich with John. You know, Mark Halligan burger, you're a great guest. You're a great guest when you're swimming in my pool. That's what I got to say about you, Mike Halliburger. You're a great guest in my pool. Like, everybody's just dying to go spend time in Dorinda's pool, and they didn't just go there because they had to for work. By the way, they were there in the winter.

Yeah, I thought we were friends, too. You were in my pool like a friend. You sure rubbed my wiener in that pool like a friend. You know, my wiener still got its finger marks from your greasy fingernails. My wiener thought you were friends with me in my pool, but then it all changes on

Twitter. It's like, ugh. What is Dorinda even talking about? Is she drunk? And I love how her insult is, yeah, you were a great guest. You were a great guest when you were swimming in my pool. By the way, Dorinda, you should be so happy because you should see the way these other women act, they are not good guests. So if Heather was a good guest,

even if it was being fake, you should be thanking your lucky stars, okay? Because at least you don't have Ramona buying air conditioning for your house. No kidding. Yeah, you happen to be in my house with the air conditioning and everything. You're so happy to be in air conditioning. Okay, I'm glad I could bring you to a place in town where there's air conditioning.

Heather. Hey, Mr. Jetson. I'm inviting my cousin, Mr. Air Conditioner, in. He's going to sit here in the window. I'll be cleaning. The air conditioning turned on, and I thought of Jot. Well, you know what I loved? So when Dorinda and Heather started to get into it,

they started talking about that ridiculous fight they had at the restaurant. And Dorinda was like, you know, the thing is with Heather, you know, she could be really condescending and really dismissive, and I don't like it. She's dismissive. And Heather goes, well, I missed that whole thing. I still don't know what we're talking about. I'm like, bitch, you just dismissed her in a condescending way.

Do you realize what you just did? Love Heather. I wish she just had, like, a school bell to ring and just be like bitch you just dismissed her in a condescending way do you realize what you just did love heather i wish she just had like a school bell to ring and just be like you're dismissed she totally does that the whole time and dorinda's like see that was look what she did look what she did i'm gonna hand me well dorinda of course she uh my my favorite part was that dorinda's response is one of classic, totally overwrought and bizarre metaphors. How about, you know, we need to fire a torch and a hunchback and tie up London so you can go through your whole routine. Heather's like, what is that? Literary reference? What is that?

It's funny that you brought up literature because I'm actually writing a book based on a hunchback who holds a torch and lives in a tower. It's called The Hunchback of the Upper East Side. Oh, Heather, you did not invent that. Okay, stop. My balloon is on that hunchback. She had another one, too. She was like, what are you going to do over there, Heather? Are you just going to hold up?

Why don't you just get Moses with the burning bush? What are you thinking? Moses with the burning bush handing out the Ten Commandments? I'm like, you know, Dorinda, those are you just getting Moses with the burning bush? Yeah. What are you thinking? Moses with the burning bush handing out the Ten Commandments? I'm like, you know, Dorinda, those are very separate incidences in the Old Testament. Wasn't the burning bush telling him to kill his son or something? No, the burning bush was like, hey, I'm God.

Do this for me. And then the Testament, like the commandments, is like way after when they've been wandering forever. He goes up to Mount Sinai. If we're going to talk about burning bush, we should just let Sonya answer. Or we should have Ramona, as she is an expert on Jewish words, like minutia. Minishka. What's that Jewish word, minutia? Minishka?

Minishka? They're like minut Mnusha. And then Sonia's like, yeah, that's not a Yiddish word, by the way. Yeah. I mean, come on. If even Sonia's correcting you. Yeah, Sonia's correcting you. You're off the rails.

I just wanted to say I felt bad for Kristen. Well, of course, we always feel bad for Kristen because that's like how it works. But also this week with the news of the Ashley Madison and Josh being the pig that we all know that he is already, uh, it was so sad watching this and she's trying to stand up like for how violated she felt when she was being rubbed on by a fat guy. It's like,

how do you feel now that you've been basically boned with a penis has been in God knows what, you know? And it's like, you're looking all grossed out by that, it's been in God knows what, you know? And it's like you're looking all grossed out by that. I just felt bad for her. I know. I had that thought later on in the episode. At one point, she sort of, you know, when Ramona,

later on, this is skipping ahead, but when Ramona made a joke about Mario being faithful to his mistress, he goes, at least he's faithful. And it cut to Kristen looking sort of like shocked and rolling her eyes. I'm like, oh, girl. Yeah. You're next. I know. It sucks, girl. Yeah. You're next. I know. It sucks, man.

But also I felt sorry for her because she gets no respect on this show. Dorinda just dismissed her after Dorinda dismissed her while calling Heather dismissive. Yes. And then the music started playing immediately. Kristen's like, I have something to say. And it's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. This episode brought to you by Box Brothers. And Kristen's like, I have something to say! And it's like, ding-ding-da-do-do-do-do-do-do. This is a clip brought to you by Box Brothers. And Kristen's like, no!

They played that music. It's like John's caught pawing a 20-year-old Russian hooker in the hallway at Bo Champ, or whatever that place is called. By the way, I also liked in this whole Dorinda segment how they got into the fight when they got into that fight in Tristan Caicos about the cursing.

And Dorinda's memories of it were so messed up. And the argument went on for like two minutes before Bethany was like, you guys are both romantic. Like, were you guys both there? All that happened was that, like, Dorinda said, my mother would be ashamed. And Heather said, no, your mother would be proud, and then... But the entire time they were fighting,

Adrinda's like, you were saying, hashtag, your mother thinks you're a molester, hashtag, your mother thinks you should die,

hashtag, hashtag. And Heather's like, can we stop talking in Twitter, please? That hasn't happened in my world yet. Twitter doesn't hit the scene

for at least 11 years. Yeah, I'm still on dial-up. Heather's like, can we please talk in folded up note terms that you pass in class? Please? Heather's like, can we talk about

all those crazy photos online where when you go, it takes like a minute for them to download and it's like first it's lines and it's black and white, then it turns color. And there aren't enough colors on the screen so it's like all in dots. That was called gamble porn because you could only see a tiny thumbnail and then you had

to gamble on which one to actually blow up because it was going to take 20 minutes. And then you'd blow it up and you're like, oh my god, they're ugly. God damn it. Like I made the wrong gamble gamble oh wolfie it was a pool party

wolf pup I clicked on the wrong picture gamble porn no I thought you were done again I'm so sorry no no I was done I was done I just was laughing about the pool party.

Also, poor Kristen is trying to make this CSI, or Law and Order Special Victims Unit thing about being touched by John. And Dorinda's like, whatever. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Clown music to play poor Kristen off, who's never in the box.

And she has a huge zit under her thing, and Dorinda's then Dorinda whips out the slut shame card, and she's like, oh, so now you might be in the sandwich? Well, look at you, the one who's naked in a photo shoot. So there you go,

in a photo shoot. Now you're offended, Mr. Jetson. Suddenly you got morals now it's like listen taking your shirt off and getting paid for it is very different than having like thumbs up your butt from a fat hairy dude yeah your friend is pretending doesn't need a leash exactly yeah i would rather go naked than to be molested by like a big fat dry cleaner no kidding just because you show your tits doesn't mean you want some hairy tits on your back while he's molesting you. Then why did Ramona go storming out?

Remember Ramona went storming out when Alex McCord did like a Playboy shoot back in season – Ramona was the very first person to ever go storming out of a reunion episode. She went storming out season one or I think it was season one because alex mccord did some sort of nude photo shoot and ramona's like you know what i can't be on the same stage as someone who went naked i'm sorry i'm sorry goes against true true true faith true faith jewelry i'm sorry and now she's wearing fishnet dresses and has a boob job yeah loved that loved that scene of like oh ramona or that montage of poor ramona ramona sure had it rough right guys bertha from you know beetlejuice alabama wants to know ramona what it feels like to be treated like such crap on the air and then they're like montage of ramona fake

crying in her fishnet dress with her boob job i I know. It's like, stop, Ramona. And then they cut to Ramona, and she's like, I'm changed. I'm a totally new person. And you know, when I heard about that whole thing, he said, don't come to the Hamptons. And then I was like, I'm going to go to the Hamptons. And so I went to the Hamptons, and then I walked in, and then she was in my kitchen.

And then Dorinda's like, your kitchen, your kitchen. She was in your kitchen. I was like, you better like uh get out of the kitchen china wrapped around the husband's wiener like why is the kitchen worse than that at least you can clean off countertops well i liked i mean we're skipping ahead because some other stuff happened before the ramona stuff but i liked how um uh you know before they got into ramona stuff andy cohen was only so happy to play the footage of Ramona yelling at him last year. And then she, of course, like, Andy, I want to say in all sincerity, I owe you an apology.

OK, you know what? I should have just said, I'm sorry, Andy. I don't want to talk about it. I'm trying to save my marriage. But instead, I came after you. And in all sincerity, I shouldn't have said that. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

In all sincerity, Andy. And they just kept making fun of. In all sincerity, Andy. And they just kept making fun of that in all sincerity. And Bethany's like, why do you keep saying that? It's not sincere. You're saying it all in sincerity, but then you're lying. It's like you can't say that. It's like, what is this, some ad lib?

What, you're just putting your own words in there? What is this, a fill in the blank? But before we get into the Ramona stuff. Wait, but I forgot to say because I'm rambling on. But they're like, let's watch this montage of Ramona crying in a fishnet dress. And then they cut back and Andy's like, so have you had a boob job? It's like, we just watched five minutes of Ramona getting humiliated on national TV and sobbing. And that's your question. Like, you couldn't fucking hold it in for one.

I know. It's shocking. It's shocking that it took like one and a half episodes before he asked about her boobs he's like i forgot to say this during the hello section but um people on the internet are saying you might have had your boobs done yeah so there was um that but before that though that there was some more luann stuff because um they were talking about luann uhann going to the ladies room with that guy and Luann's like yes he was merely

escorting me the way a gentleman would I was just going to the ladies room and he was just escorting me I'm like I have never seen a guy in like modern modern life just walk a woman to the ladies room this is not like an Elizabethan ball it would have been a fucking love story okay

but it wasn't. Yeah, no, this is not. And then they started... I'm sorry, but he was just being polite. I can't piss without a penis in my mouth. So he was just trying to help me. Yeah, he was just escorting me into the stall. But then they all started talking about how Luann really just let loose. And I love how Bethany was like, you know what?

You should have a new book out called The Cool Countess. And Luann's like, oh, The Countess of Cool. No, no. Cool Countess. Not Countess of Cool. Cool Countess. Cool Countess. But Countess of Cool.

No. Cool Countess. I'm like, Bethany, just relax. I actually think Countess of Cool sounds better than Cool Countess. Yeah. And then later, Luanne's not going to give her any credit for helping her invent her brand. Yes. Total backstabber.

Yes. What else happened here? Dorinda tweets a lot. Live tweeted vacay episode dissing Heather, blah, blah, blah. We already talked about that. You were dismissive. You were a good guest in my pool. Wow, we've covered a lot, actually.

You did it. Dorinda, mad about mother you talked about? You talked about my mother. That's when I got mad, because you talked about my mother, you see. Yeah, your mother would be real proud. Yeah, they were saying that Dorinda, everyone was basically like, yeah, Dorinda, when you get drunk, there's like an undercurrent, underbelly of anger that comes. No, no, it's not. No anger.

They're like, well, you're sensitive. OK, I'm sensitive, but no anger. No, no, you better back it up. Back it up. You see, I know. Back it up. You better back it up. I like what she she's like.

Yes, are you a Heather? It's not even a big deal. It's not even a big deal. And Heather's like, yes, not am I? It's not even a thing. It's not even a thing, guys. And then he's like, but you were just yelling and screaming at each other as if that's not even a big deal. And Heather's like, yeah, it's not even a thing. It's not even a thing, guys. And Andy's like, but you were just yelling and screaming at each other. As if that's not what they're fucking paid to do.

That's what we do in the back. She is. That's what we do in the back. She is. We just yell and scream. It's pure, you know? You're going to punch out now. I'm just like, we're done.

Jordan is like, look, all me and Heather need is we need a long walk and a long talk. That's what we need. A long walk and a long talk, Mr. Jud need a long walk and a long talk mr judson then maybe we can go in the pool again hey mama i'm here for a long walk a long talk holler i hope you can go to your pool because that's why i came all the way out here oh i love pools oh i just want to use you for your pool let's have a fake walk talk so i can use you for your power i am gonna miss heather i really am i because she is so ornery i mean she could she i mean she gets she can get so like it's not that she gets nasty but she can get so pointed so quickly well it's like when your mom's mad she's a mad mom you

know but she's a mad mom to everybody but the thing is that she she's so, like, she has that, like, fake, that fake mom thing, like, hey. But usually people who are fake like that, I mean, I know they have nasty sides, but to me it's just so amazing how she can swivel between the two so quickly. Like, there's sometimes, sometimes people who just have a fake smile

keep a fake smile even when they're mad. You know, they just sort of, like, glaze over and then they get mad in private. But Heather's smiling and smiling and smiling and then all of a sudden just like, get the fuck out of my face. Yeah. Heather, my favorite thing about watching Heather is just seeing someone who's so confident that they're right.

I really love that. Even if you're wrong, I really love when someone is obviously why I would like it. Even when you're wrong, it's great that you're confident that you're correct. But to be so confident that you're wrong. I really love when someone is obviously why I would like it. Even when you're wrong, it's great that you're confident that you're correct. But to be so confident that you're correct and sitting there in a bra and a blazer, the juxtaposition is just beautiful.

I'll never forget it. And then we come on to what a walker is, because we get into the Ramona's getting laid section and Andy's like, oh yeah, looks like you're getting laid everywhere and Bethany's like, yeah, she

just pretends to be a Catholic schoolgirl, but we know it's not. We know what Catholic schoolgirls do. They take out of the butt and they still call themselves virgins. And Ramona's like, well, if Catholic means not having crazy sex with people I don't know or getting ashes on my head on a Wednesday, you know, one time a year, then I'm a good Catholic girl, okay? And they're like, no, we're talking about how, like, you blew that guy at the restaurant and then you had sex with that busboy.

And then remember that time you had sex with that train conductor who was passing by? And Ramona's like, well, if having sex with the train conductor means being a good Catholic girl that God loves, then okay, you're right. Like, that's not at all what they're saying. I love it. I love Ramona's form of arguing. I know. Just deny, deny, deny. She's like, this one time.

Okay, you know, this is so weird that we're talking about this, talking about getting blowjobs out. Because this one time, okay, when I was a kid, one time, my father brought Geraldine Parsons-Smith over, okay? And you may not know this, but Geraldine Parsons-Smith was a glassblower, and she was so mean to me, and I said, you know what? From this point on, I'm never going to blow anything ever again,

okay? So I never did, and I never blew Mario. But then I realized, as a Catholic, I'm allowed to blow things, and who cares about Geraldine Parsons-Smith? I've changed. I'm a new person. I'm renewed. New person. So I'm blowing everything now. Okay, Andy? I'm sorry. When I was a little kid in the Berkshires, we were driving, and it was

a family trip to go somewhere really fun, and we were excited to be together as a family, and Dad was even in a good mood, and then there was this strange man on the side of the road with a flat tire, and my Dad pulled over, and he gave the stranger a blowjob with an air pump and then the guy drove away and then my dad was in a bad mood when he got back in the car and he yelled at my mom and so now i hate blowjobs okay i don't want to talk about it okay to this day every time i walk

by a leaf blower i cry i'm sorry. I cry. Avery is not allowed to purchase blow pops. Okay? I'm sorry. Even the yellow ones that remind me of sunshine. I love it. So they're starting to rip Romano for all these guys she's supposedly sleeping with. And she's like, I wasn't sleeping with them, okay?

They're called walkers, okay? And I was like, no, walkers are gay. Which is so funny, because those are what they call the zombies on The Walking Dead, and I just thought that was such a funny term. It's like, they're walkers, okay? It's like, what do you think you are to them? Like, they probably called you the same fucking thing. They're like, oh, got a date with a walker tonight.

Ramona's like, bleh. I just imagine. Brains, okay? Oh, is. Ramona's like, bleh. I just imagine. Brains, okay. Oh, is that a Ramona zombie? Okay. I'm sorry. I want your brains. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You know what, zombie? You're declassé. I'm sorry. You know what, zombie? You're day class A. I'm sorry. I was only eating your brains, okay? Because you offered them to me. I didn't take them. Your assistant gave me

your brains, okay? These brains remind me of sunshine. Okay. Okay. Andy. Must eat more brains, okay? I'm sorry. But I need brains.

I'm sorry. Do we need brains. I'm sorry. Do we have any M&M brains? My God, that was so funny. Ramona. Good old Ramona. So then she starts talking about Mario. And I love how she kept on saying how talking about Mario was carthotic. You know, it's very carthotic for me to talk about it. Okay? It's very carthotic. Or what's it's very Carthotic for me to talk about it. Okay?

It's very Carthotic. Or what's that Jewish word? Minusha? Mariska? Mariska Hargitay? You know what? This is a very comfortable, what do you call this? That's that Jewish word, sofa?

Sofa, right? You know, the girl from Modern Family. You know, the show that you're, the fat guy that you're sleeping on. You know Bethany's gay husband? You know the fat guy, gay husband? Sofa Viagra. Jewish, right? Okay. You know, a lot of Jewish people in Manhattan, okay?

I'm sorry. I know Judaism now. When did Bethany start dating Eric Stonestreet? Are they still together? what's going on does bethany have new boobs tonight on watch what happens when did she start dating him because this whole thing where he was and it wasn't even a question to her it was like so ramona is your heart healing and bethany's like i'll tell you his heart's not healing my heart i mean my heart feels okay you know but the thing is with my heart, like, my heart, you know, like, I used to think I needed a man. But now I don't think I need a man.

And so I feel better. I feel better. Thanks for asking, Andy. It's not about you, Bethany. And she was saying, like, how she's dating. But I only date guys who are private. Now, like, they don't have a Facebook. They don't have a Twitter.

They don't have, like, an AOL account. They don't have a whatever, you know, like, a mailing address. Like, you can't send them mail. You can't send. No one knows where they don't have a whatever you know like a mailing address like you can't send them mail you can't no one knows where they are these men are invisible men and that's how I like it you know like who are they nobody knows because you can't find them you can't find them you know the only thing I don't like about them not having a Facebook profile is that means they don't have any walls I really hate that

I turned on find my friends on my iPhone and I couldn't find the guy I was like I know you said you would meet me here. He's not even there. He doesn't even show up on the GPS. I'm actually dating ghosts now. That's what I do. I go to haunted houses and I say, hey spirits,

who wants to go out? Come on. It's like, seriously, if a ghost doesn't come out here and take me on a date, I'm going to kill myself and then I'll be a ghost. Then we'll both be ghosts and we'll both be dating in a haunted house and it'll be the worst date ever because we'll be stuck in that house and like what if i want to go out sometimes maybe i want to go out i mean these are the things that i want okay and if you ask me about where i want to go i will literally be on the floor crying okay

because i got so many walls up okay but if a ghost just takes me somewhere then fine i'll be happy with that dating a real ghost it's amazing like i get to make out with patrick swayze and i don't have to even touch whoopi goldberg it It's amazing. Like, just wait until they're dead. You know what I mean? Wait until they're dead. You know, I love pottery. I love pottery so much, you know? And so now I finally get to do all the pottery that I want to do.

Okay? Like, Brynn and I make a lot of pottery. But, like, you know what I want to do? I want to, like, I want to go and I want to haunt someone. Okay? I want to haunt someone and make pottery with them. All right? And we put it in my new house and we won't be homeless anymore.

In fact, I'm going to live in the pot. I'm going to be like a genie. You know what? That's what I want. I don't want walls pot. I'm going to be like a genie. You know what? That's what I want. I don't want walls anymore. I just want to be in a pottery jar. Next season she'll be like, it's so hard living in pottery. It's so hard. You know what? I live in a vase,

okay? And I'm happy like that, okay? Just get out of my vase. I made it myself when I was a ghost. Oh, God. I like that Ramona's By the way, just for the God. I like that Ramona's... By the way, just for the record, we've turned Ramona into a zombie and Bethany into a ghost.

So look out for the future. She's a dating ghost, right? What? She's just... She's just dating ghosts, right? Yeah, she's just dating ghosts. But we turned her into a ghost. I'm sorry.

And Mark Helgenberger also got into the mix. So... Who knows? But we turned her into a ghost. I'm sorry, and Mark Helgenberger also got into the mix. So who knows what scary twist will come next on this very spooky pre-Halloween episode of Watcher Crabbins. Well, congratulations. Good job getting Mark Helgenberger to die and be a ghost now, because now John can't feel her up. He's going to be feeling you up, Mr. Topless, taking off your top on the internet, lady.

John's basically Frankenstein. That's his spooky role. Dorinda, good! Dorinda, good! In whatever horror story we put John in, I'll just always see him as like a hornier Dom DeLuise. Yeah.

Like a hornier, like a mix between dom deluise and like uh chef i don't know someone from real housewives of new jersey any of the husbands pick a house joe joe does um so we we keep going away from this ramona affair but this ramona explanation of the affair well first you found a girl in your kitchen. Then she's like – and I was so embarrassed. I was just – I just said, oh, I left something in the car. Like I'll bet you they had a fucking dress. Yeah, her – she like made an excuse to leave.

And then she said, well, you know, Mario, he didn't mean it. You know, the thing with Mario is that he's having a midlife crisis. And I Googled it. And it lasts like four years. And so until it's over, it's not his fault. You know know it was hard being with me because you know i'm famous and so it was hard being a man and being with me you know because i'm famous i was like is famous another word for a dick because i'm sure it was hard being with you because you're a dick but i don't know that your level of fame would be that difficult to deal with it's like what yeah you're not in malls enough for

the you know people who like really love you to be bothering you i mean she basically was like listen you know it's very hard to compete with my star power i mean i was i'm famous i've been on bethany's talk show i'm so famous okay okay but my favorite is then luann just suddenly chimes she goes i never liked mario and i at that point i like started to laugh and i paused the dvr and i'm like i wrote this down as i was like i know like luann says i never liked mario and i at that point i like started to laugh and i paused the dvr and i'm like i wrote this down as i was like a no like luan says i never liked mario and i wrote i'm like yeah no shit she of course you hate you i was like she's hated mario ever since he said the countless jab and then i started up again and luan goes well you know one time we were at an event and someone said excuse me countess and he said under his voice count less i was like oh my god

she really i was saying that as a joke but she really doesn't mean it i thought at least she admits it and doesn't make it about something else she's like i didn't like mario ever since that time that carol slept with my chef you know she's making an excuse about it like with everything she's like well you know my hatred of mario really came to a head at turks andicos. That's when I said, you know what? No more with this man. Oh, Luanne. She's such a little hypocrite.

And I love it. I love that, like, countless was, like, the worst thing someone could have said to her. Like, she's like, I mean, what a rude thing to say. I can't imagine anyone saying anything worse. I mean, he could have said cuntess, okay? Let's be honest. I'm sorry, people, for saying the C word, but, you know, I couldn't really say the cut fitness-ess.

That's what it should be, the cut fitness-ess. Yeah. So, um, but she, there was, I mean, all of season two was... What is it? I was gonna say, I think all of season two was dedicated to Luan, you know, trying to get an apology out of Mario for the countless comment.

Yeah, you're such a good friend, Luann. It's like, this guy just totally screwed over your friend. You're like, I never liked him. It's not because he didn't treat you, you know, I mean, yes, he treated you badly. Yes, he dismissed you whenever I saw you. And yes, he was probably having sex with half the town. But he called me countless. How rude am I, right, guys? I mean, are we in the Middle Ages here? I mean, it's just absolutely ridiculous. He's not allowed to sleep over in my Hamptons house. It's impossible to count less when I don't count.

I have people to count. I mean, who would call me a counter? I don't do math. I'm a counter. He didn't even call me a missus in front of the limo driver. As requested. How is it different that I'm dating someone who's 20 when you're

when you were married to a 90 year old? She's like, oh, who's counting? I don't count. I'm not a counter. What are you calling me? Countless? Oh, is that your way, Carol? Oh, that's great. You're going to be furious at Carol over something Mario said a million years ago. They're like, Luan, we get it. You've talked about this countless amount of times.

I can't believe you even said that word in my presence. Also, the difference is that 85 is an antique. Okay, Nouveau. Okay, Princess Nouveau-riche. But who's counting? Oh, I did it to myself. So then the episode basically ended with an extended revisit, revisitation of Dressgate,

where once again, it was like, Ramona's like, well, you know, I had the dress and then I spilled something on it so then I took it and then I told I could have it

and then Bethany's like, no, here's what happened. A producer came in. I mean, Bethany did it. She's like, well, I was on her show and then Bethany spilled wine on my dress.

Remember, Pino? Remember? And then Bethany's like, yes, we get this, and then we send a PA over to you, and we said, here, can we have the dress? And here's this dress, and you can have it back. It was like a Herve Leger legacy dress, and you're supposed to give it back, and you never give it back, and I found it behind a wall somewhere, and then you took it back from there, and then you sold three more dresses, and then you get back one and get back two.

I was like, oh my god. And then finally Ramona's like, okay, yeah, so I took it. Like, who cares? And Bethany's like, well, give it to charity. It's not your dress. She's like, no, well, you know, I'm going to keep it. No, no, you can't keep it. You're a thief.

Okay, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm a thief. It's not even my dress that you stole. It's the show's. And she's like, well, the show was canceled, so sorry. Well, the dress is reminding me of sunshine, okay? Sorry, yours still got canceled. News flash.

Show doesn't want its dress back anymore because it's dead now. Bethany's like, I'm dating it now. I'm dating it. Okay, it's official. I'm dating my show. I'm dating my old show. You know, this is what happens with shows sometimes. You know what?

They reach a certain age and they just change. You know, they change. You take their dresses. It's very cathartic for me to talk about, you know, these dresses that I stole. That turned into the bigger fight of Ramona bringing up or Ramona accusing Bethany of being a cheater on the show. And Bethany's like, this is what I'm talking about. You're a liar. You're a liar.

Why do you lie? Why do you got to lie all the time? But what do you got to lie about? I mean, I mean, why don't you tell the truth? Like, why do you got to make things up? Ramona's like, well, Bethhany what did i make up like did i make up this the 797 people i heard the rumor from i mean i didn't make them up i mean maybe i did maybe i'm lying and i was just talking to all those people in my head like maybe they weren't there i'm sorry i'm a liar but you

know it's called surviving in the berkshires okay yeah i was just like well then you know if then, you know, if it's not true, then why did like eight people tell me about it? Okay. Bethany's like, because they don't know what they're talking about and people like to gossip. I mean, I guess people like to talk. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Well, you know what? Then in all sincerity, I would like to apologize.

Okay. Because I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have repeated it. And I did. And it's hurtful. I'm sorry. Okay. In all sincerity.

Okay. In all sincerity. I liked it. i liked it bethany said uh she said well then why did i hear from uh what did i hear from 800 people and bethany's like because you were you were telling it to 800 people that's why so good ramona's like i'm not perfect okay you know what i'm maybe when i'm perfect i'll have a renewal party but until then you know it's like imperfect me like let's have an imperfect me party because i'm going to celebrate the part of me that's not perfect okay okay you know what i'm not perfect okay just slip my wrist i'm not perfect and bethany's like you know what just kill me right now just come right now no slip my wrist no kill me right now slip my wrists suicide pact going on between these women oh so good so this reunion yeah i mean it was like carol is a totem pole

and then heather and a bra and a blazer and then a lot of really bad foil dresses but overall still fun i still laughed my ass off watching it so good okay so um let's move on to below deck season premiere um I have to do something. I have to go pee off my roof right now to celebrate the beginning of the Below Deck premiere. Because no one in yachting has ever peed off of my roof before. But I really do have to pee. So sorry. Hold on.

All right. Go pee. How was your pee, Ronnie? So long, Ben. It was lovely. To the listeners, it sounds like I basically stopped recording and started up again. So it sounds like you just peed in a – you had a flash pee. I wish I could pee like that.

Peeing is the biggest waste of time in life. Like sometimes I'm peeing and I'm like this is the dumbest invention ever. Like whoever – like when God was inventing humans what was with that he's like i think that people just should uh take a break every a few times a day just have some time to sit down what can i have them do we'll have them pee should i put some candy crush maybe in their mind nope pee definitely pee i uh i hate a long pee when you're just peeing you're like oh my god it is not ending you know those ones that like take like a minute you're like where did this come from and you just have a little squirt no i hate those naked gun peas yeah where like it

seems like it's ending and it's like oh wait here comes act two the leslie nielsen p like you have that ending it's like this is the part three reunion of the pee. It's like, oh, just make it stop. How many hours are you going to talk about this pee? So, let's go on to Below Deck. Okay, I thought this season premiere was hilarious. I was cracking up the entire

time. I was too. This was so good. Maids on a boat. Welcome back, and this time one of them actually did refer to themselves as a maid. That was Amy. Amy was like, I'm on this luxury yacht, butids on a boat. Welcome back, Gunning. And this time one of them actually did refer to themselves as a maid. That was Amy. Amy was like, I'm on this luxury yacht, but I'm a maid. I don't think she even realized that until she heard her show. She was like, wait a second. I am paid to make beds. I guess I am a maid. Damn it.

I'm really mad that you had a blowjob with my boyfriend. That was her thing last season. So the show opened. We just even have to start on the beginning. The just very opening credits because Amy, girl. I actually am like Kate. I like Amy more this year. I don't know why.

I've embraced her stupidity and her innocence. But she is killing me because she's like, look, I'm not going to dwell on the negative. I'm going to come back to that show, and I'm going to have new hair. Amy is going to change everything. She's that girl at the beginning of the school year who gets a new haircut,

and she thinks her life is going to change, and then she's pushed into a locker. And you're like, oh, God. You spent all that money at Supercuts. That's totally Amy. Amy, that plastic hair girl. It's like Amy Winehouse hair. Texas.

Amy. Well, we met Emil, who is so hot. It's out of control. Emil, the South African. I don't know. He is hot, of course. I'm not stupid. I'm not blind. He's hot, of course. I'm not stupid. I'm not blind.

He's hot, but he's hot in that, like, sorry to bring up gay porn again, you guys. I'm really sorry, but it's my only relationship. He's like that Euro gay porn where everybody is really pretty, but then they open their mouth and they're like, oh, hell, you're doing the homework. And you're like, oh, my God, I cannot touch myself today. Oh, yeah. I mean, could you expect anything more? I mean, that's fine. He's just hot.

Like, you expect him to be sexy, but then he's just long and boring. And then there's just, like, ten-minute shots of him walking on the street. And I'm like, how is this porn? That's how I feel about it. I am okay with Emil. Emil, he looks pretty. And he has a cool South African accent so I like him, and then there's also

Don, who is hot in like a Guido sort of way, he's kind of like annoying What's the cheapest gym in town? Do we have a Planet Fitness here? We do actually, there's one on like Pico and I mean who needs to know anymore?

I guess Hollywood, poor gym so your gym's, or I'll say 24 hour fitness, I'm not a fitness and I mean who needs to know anymore it's on Pico Hollywood poor Jim so your Jim's or I'll say 24 hour fitness I'm not a fitness he could be an LA fitness actually there are a lot of hot guys a lot of hot straight guys at LA fitness yeah he's like Guido yeah like he's like prison hot he's hot he's hot in a Guido way

he's kind of annoying about what he talks about he's like yeah I'm an engineer you know I study the boat I'm a perfectionist you know that's that's what i'm all about i'm like congratulations yeah look at me i'm a machine look at me i'm a machine look at me i'm a machine i lift things i lift things i'm like a machine like oh god you've got muscles congratulations i love when people pretend that that's a fucking talent like you get muscles because you go to the gym and lift things okay you weren't born with anything darling every fucking every fucking um personal trainer i follow or like a weightlifter who's like sexy on instagram they feel it's like their obligation to post a paragraph of inspiration like never give

up the struggle is always real i can't tell you how many times i thought i didn't want to go to the gym today but i had said i pushed through and now i'm here and you can do it All it takes is – it's like it goes on and on and on, every single picture. I'm like, you know what? I'm not here for your stupid, corny inspiration. I'm here just to look at your shirtless body. So just shut up. Yeah, no one needs you to be positive, okay? Whip out your dick and let's get this on.

I don't need to hear you. I don't need a meme, all right? I know. I know. So then we met rocky um she is um she's a stew who once was a diver wants to be a chef and sings show tunes and i'm not sure if i love her or hate her yet but she's at least that girl's trying way too hard she is like that girl's the extra and fiddler on the roof Who thinks every wedding scene is about her

It's like bitch no okay It's not about you the bottle dancers are on You need to back the fuck down okay She's like smiling too big And looking at the audience like giving takes to the audience Like no honey you're in the chorus Stop it She's like is this the little yacht I wash down

She's always got that little That look that huge smile on her face like is it sunrise or is it sunset i don't know this is crazy what's gonna happen sunrise or sunset it's not about you if i were a rich man i would be on this yacht thank you everyone thank you so much and she's like we were all all the people in my, she's kind of like Meg from Big Brother in that she's like, I'm wacky! I'm so crazy! Except the difference is that I've grown... I'm laughing right now for no reason! The difference is that I actually have grown to really like Meg,

and I think that Meg is cool. But Raquel, or Rocky, is, she's a theater kid. She is definitely like an Anne Hathaway on a boat with a different face and hair and a different body. And she said that all of her. She's been possessed. Basically, it's all of me with

Lily Tomlin inside Steve Martin, except it's Anne Hathaway has been possessed. Raquel. Rocky. I think Anne Hathaway isn't that wacky. I think Anne Hathaway is more of a Heather. Yeah, you know, actually, the truth is, you know who Rocky is? She is Molly Shannon's character, Helen Madden, the licensed zoologist. Remember how, remember she would come on and she's like, what was the thing she'd say?

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Love it. You know, and she'd kick her feet in the say? I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, love it! You know, and she'd kick her feet in the air. I love it! They even have the same hair.

So basically, Rocky is a licensed geologist. Oh, Rocky. Rocky is gonna make herself really stand out in these chorus scenes. And she's already doing it. She's like, look, I'm eating a nut! I'm crazy! I know.

I'm literally eating a nut. That's how nuts I am right now! There was one scene where someone asked her one simple question and then she started booty shaking and she's like, well, let me answer that for you! I'm like, Jesus, lady. I'm gonna become a Broadway composer just so I can write musicals

without a chorus. Okay, bitch? That's how much you're making me crazy. And those are the worst musicals. So then we also met Connie, who is this season's plain girl. But she was surprising, wasn't she?

Because she wasn't lesbian? I was surprised. Because she's not plain at all. I thought she was going to be like that girl from last year who just wanted to follow the muscle guy around who's probably gay. Who are they? I don't care. Who cares? Whose FaceTime kept going out whenever she tried to get romantic

on accident. I thought she was going to be like that girl, but she's not at all. She's like, Hi, I'm Connie. If you want to pick me up and you're a guy, here's what to say. Get in my truck. She goes, She was trashy playing. Bye, here's what to say. Get in my truck. She goes, she was trashy playing.

Bye Connie's clothes. She's like, here's what you do if you want to get in my pants. You got to say, get in my truck. You want to be here? You want to go fishing? Let's go kill a gator. I'm like, slowly my penis is shriveling off.

I loved it. I think she's hilarious. No, but the thing is that would have been funny, but she's... And that's how Connie's clothes come off. No, no, no. I... It could have been funny, but she still is so plain and boring. Like, the fact that... I don't know. Like, when she... The first thing she's talking about when she

sees Emil is like, oh my god. Like, Emil has no game. I'm like, do you think emil's trying to get in with you connie like of all the people you want to get with me i'm like uh he clearly doesn't but then you know what wasn't clear who emil wants emil emil's that guy he's that he's that poster i need to make for schools okay if he's that hot he's got an std don't fuck him like if you want to have safe sex fuck somebody uglier because look that's what the hot guys do he's like oh yeah i want to have sex with all of them i'm going to stick my penis in every single one of them

i love being surrounded by girls they're just going to be a real housewives of atlanta because i can't do whatever he yeah well i think that the um the thing with connie that annoys me is that she's clearly one of these girls who's like she thinks all the guys are hitting on her even though she's like very plain and she's also i'm sure she's gonna say at some point in the season like hey i'm just like one of the guys i just like hanging out and having a beer i'm just i'm just like a. You know I hate when girls say that. Yeah, I'm just like one of the guys, you know? Like nothing sexual happens until we're drunk and then we blow each other.

Yeah, and I'm cool. It's like being in college all over again. Yeah, whenever girls say I'm just like one of the guys, those are the girls who are like the neediest. I like her. I think she's so kooky. I think she's like legit kooky. I like her. They're like, oh, it's a think she's, like, legit kooky. I like her.

They're like, oh, it's a crazy person. Get her. And also, if Kate will hang out with her, I know I'll like her because I'm just, like, a miserable person like Kate. And so I know that I would like that kind of person. That's the girl who's, like, she's always blowing a guy at a party and she's always got weed. Like, she's a gum, obviously. Well, I'm sure in real life, Connie is the most fun to hang out with. That's not a question.

I'm just talking about purely as a reality show character. And compared to the other people on this yacht, she is the plain one. Now, also, speaking of plain. We'll have to agree to cheer for different people because I'm team Connie. Well, I'm team Kate. Kate is. Oh, I'm team Kate, too. But they're on the same team.

I know, but I'm just. I'm taking. I don't know. Different numbers. Different numbers. Different numbers team Kate too, but they're on the same team. I know, but I'm just... I'm taking... I don't know. Different numbers. Different numbers. Different numbers on their jersey, but they're on the same team. So speaking of boring, then we have Leon, the new chef. And he comes on...

Oh, Leon. The eyebrow chef. Shut up with your eyebrows. Your eyebrows need to shut the fuck up, first of all. He's just like a low-rent Vin Diesel. And that's insulting to even Vin Diesel. He just... I don't even believe his accent. I don't think it's real. He comes on, and that's insulting to even Vin Diesel. I don't even believe his accent.

I don't think it's real. He comes on, and he's so, like, boring. He's rooming with Kate, and the first thing he's making, he's like, I need to have two pillows. Is it possible to get two pillows? And Kate's like, great. Like, this guy

could be so boring. Well, they obviously cast this year thinking of reality show like types and who can bring drama i mean most of the people don't even do their jobs you know they're not even they don't even know what their jobs are supposed to be they're like well i mean i'm a musical theater chorus person but i decided to take this job wacky yeah um and uh he's one of them he's you know his first scene he's like i'm gonna be difficult with a weird fake accent you won't get me tails i need you know i need moisturize i need scrub it's like shut up no one buys it no one treats the chef

like this okay the reason chefs are such dicks is because they work so hard and then people treat them like the hell because they are okay, okay? You're cooking for people. Shut the fuck up. At the end of the day, you may be made. You may be head made, but you still made, bitch. So I liked, though, when Kate saw that Amy was back, because Kate immediately got her bitch face on. Her resting bitch

face. And also, I have to say, the fact that Kate and Connie are friends, did, like, from previous boat excursions did make me chuckle because i was like oh poor amy is gonna be totally left out again and it's like what you said like she's gonna get paranoid that she's been left out and then she'd be like y'all don't have to be talking about me behind my back so i just want to be part of it i'm like no another rough charter season for amy i love it because you know those kate's gonna be like well i think that guy's

looking at you just gonna make yeah i'm gonna go have sex with him uh but i like that guy but that's the guy i was pointing out guys well i'm excited for you i'm excited for you but yeah it hurt my feelings when she she blew the guy that i liked it hurt me i know meanwhile um rocky when we met rocky like more officially she told us that she came from a theatrical family because her sisters are named after like sophia lorraine and ava gardner and bridget bardot i'm like i don't think you were raised by a theatrical family i think you're just raised by gay men i think that's it i think you were raised by people who just set standards way too high for you it's like this is this is my daughter, Mary Lou Retton. She will never, ever achieve that. She will never even be able

to jump, but this is Mary Lou. It's like, no, don't name your children that. If you're two homely people having children, don't be naming them movie star names. That's just cruel. She's like, I was basically raised by two gay parents who wanted

to make me as insufferable as possible by having me raised in a theatrical environment. It's so funny that they named me after Raquel Welch because I act like Chrissy from Three's Company! Theatrical! You're not theatrical, you're an asshole. Sit down.

I like when they're like, hey, here's... Oh, wait, we're not finished with the cast yet. Sorry, sorry, darling. No, no, I was, no. Then we get to Captain Tam. Listen here, welcome to my boat. Here's what I don't like. I don't like people not doing things on the boat. If you're on a boat, you're

here to do things. So listen up, kids, you're gonna do things, and if you don't do things, you're out of here, because I'm a hard ass and i require things to be done so get out there and do some things kids that's right rocky's like well thank god there's no sexual tension and then cut to her face and she's like oh god i'm gonna get him inside me so bad this season is gonna be crazy it will be crazy i love also that kate automatically does not like Rocky.

I mean, you can tell because the moment that Rocky said, she's like, yeah, I'd love to really help out in the kitchen. I don't have as much experience doing laundry. And Kate's like, hold the fuck up. Wait a second. Every student loves doing laundry because you're not talking to the motherfucking people on the boat. You're just with the machines. It's the only time in life when you're talking to people who are on the same level as you. Machines.

Yep. She's like, I am with the people on the same level. They pay one price and they think they own you forever. And that's how we like it. That whole thing was so funny because Rocky is pretending that she's even been on a boat before. And she's like, bullshit, you do not work on this boat, girl. Everybody loves a laundry room. So Kate loves doing her job and this girl doesn't.

Watch out. Well, she wants to be a chef. I don't even believe that. She's like, when I want something, I really get it. Like, I just, I have like one mind. I'm so focused. I'm like, really? Because you know that last year you were working at Treasure Island.

Give me a break, bitch. Yeah, exactly. Just because you paddled the gondola in the Venetian in Las Vegas doesn't mean that you're suited to be on a yacht. Yeah, she's totally that girl. You know that four years ago she wanted to be the head flyer passer-outer in front of the Bellagio or whatever. Head flyer passer-outer. Get some better dreams.

She's like, this is my dream to cook on a boat from the 80s. I'm going to do it, guys. It's like, oh, my God. Aim higher, darling. You're going to shoot a human. Yeah. My next note is, I don't even know what this is an allusion to. I just say don is

already so annoying oh he's so gross he's like yeah well yeah i love things and you know when i was like being a machine with my mind i learned like engineer work and so i'm not really into sweeping i'm more like you know like engineer things because like i'm really smart like and that's what i think about like my mind is like a machine and so is my body it's like a machine machine it's like two machines talking to each other and kate's like really that sounds like heaven she's like my favorite romantic comedy of all time is terminator 2 just a whole bunch of machines you know it's like that wonderful love story of like robot meets robot robot falls for robot robot chases robot and then robot dies trying to win

the love of robot such a beautiful movie i mean there were so many questions though in that movie like why was everybody running from the robots i mean that whole thing could have just been solved if they just waited and embraced the robot and learned to enjoy its silent hum while they tried to read a people from five months ago that a guest left on the boat she's like i was always rooting for the machines in the matrix i could not wait for the agents to kill neo who the fuck does he think he is ruining the order of the robots? I think the reason why I said Don was so annoying was this the part of the show where Don tried

to do something with a hook or something like that and someone told him not to do it and then Eddie was like, listen, when you're up on the deck, you answer to me. And Don was like, well, I'll... He's like, I'm important. Respect my authority! He's very like, I'm the boss and this is how people will do things around me. And he can be an engineer

all he wants, but I'm the head sweeper. And so when you're on deck and I tell you to sweep, you better do it, mister. He's like, I'm an engineer. I don't care. You better sweep. Sweep. Sweep it. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted

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of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus and then uh. And then my next note was, please, Emil, don't hook up with Connie. I can't take another season of Super Hot Guy getting with a plain girl. I'm so mean. Super Hot Guy. So mean. You know what?

It's like Hot Guys, STDs. That's why. And the truth is, he doesn't really have any other options. Well, it's going to be... Well, he's already flirting with them all, right? I mean, he's flirted with musical theater, with jazz hands. Yeah, he told her she looked beautiful today or something.

She's like... Get in my truck. And also Kate, I think he was flirting with too. Yeah. So then finally, our first guests of the season arrive. And oh my God, these guys were hilarious. This guy, Steve, is some millionaire, billionaire. He comes on with his family or friends, whoever they are.

And the first thing is he's like, so we hear a story. We're hearing that Aerosmith is somewhere around here on the Bahamas. You think we could find Aerosmith? And Kate is like, Aerosmith? She's like, that's so 90s i know kate said that about everything though this yeah this episode did you notice she sounded like us talking about heather everything they brought up she's like arrow smith that's so 90s and then they brought up a phone party that is so not i'm like what happened to you in your 30s that you hate the 90s so much? I know.

Or however old you are. What the hell happened back then? It is kind of funny to see these guys. I mean, Aerosmith is a legendary rock band, but these guys, I'm like, oh my god. We might be able to meet Aerosmith. You know what you have to do? Just go to the Sunset Marquee and you'll see Aerosmith. They're there all the time.

That's all you got to do, Steve. Don't wait for him to wash up onto your yacht. That guy gets so drunk you can go to any bus stop in Hollywood and think you're seeing Aerosmith. They're there all the time. That's all you gotta do, Steve. Don't wait for him to wash up onto your yacht. That guy gets so drunk you can go to any bus stop in Hollywood and think you're seeing Aerosmith. I know. They should have just told him that that, um, what's his face? Steve Perry and the guy. You know,

what's his face? No, I don't know because those are bands that Shannon would listen to. Seriously? Seriously? I'm 30. I don't know. Because those are bands that Shannon would listen to. Seriously? Seriously. I'm 30. I don't know.

I'm forgetting both the names. I know Steve Perry is from Journey. I can't remember. Joe Perry and Stephen Tyler. Stephen Tyler. Who makes arrows? Who even uses arrows anymore? Even computers don't use arrows.

That's why we have mouse. Stupid band. It's a dumb old person band. It's a dumb old person band. No one needs arrows. That's why we have mouse. Stupid band. It's a dumb old person band. It's a dumb old person band. No one needs arrows. We don't even need arrows on maps anymore. We have phones to tell us which way to turn. Old people.

Old people and their directional symbols. Enough already. I love this drunk guy. He was the most fun drunk ever. Bravo, we've gotten so many trashy, sad, miserable drunks. I'm really glad that somebody is reminding the world that it's fun to be drunk. That's the reason people become drunks, okay? Yeah.

This guy knows how to have a good time. Instead of being like, it's not your fault. You stole my health card. Or like, yeah, we came out together, you bitch. You treated me like a bitch. He's like, I love you guys so much. You're like my family. Everybody here is my best friend.

Let's have a fun party. Yeah, he's like, I want to. By the way, he did ask for Aerosmith several times. He's like, I want to go see if we can meet Aerosmith. And my favorite part was then he went in the bathroom with his girlfriend. He's like, you peeing? Yeah. Pee.

Pee. Yeah, you're pe Yeah. Pee. Pee. Yeah, you're peeing. Pee. And Amy's like, I heard their conversation, and I'm not sure what they talk about as a couple, but it's not so interesting. Pee. Yeah.

Peeing. Yeah. Are you peeing? Are you peeing now? Are you peeing? Yeah. Pee. Yeah. I don't know about that, but you know what? She is lucky to have a man. I mean, come to think of it, he is supportive. I loved him. Why did she take my man?

I'm never going to be able to pee again without crying. No one's there to support me while I pee. I love you. So then they have dinner. By the way, Leon's food looked absolutely delicious. I thought it looked better than Ben's food. And I love, again, Steve was so... Definitely more autistic, darling.

He spends more time with a knife. He also got the food out on time, by the way. He didn't act like he was... First day of work. He didn't act like he was freaking a LeBurnadan, okay? He just put the food out there and looked good. And Steve, of course, was so wasted. He's like, I'm, like, loving it.

This is, like,, is so waste. He's like, I'm loving it. This is great. Great food. He's like, I love you, Aerosmith. They're like, yeah, those are some old dried pork rinds coming out of your suitcase. Exactly. It sounds better than ever. I love you. He's like, ladies and gentlemen, White Lion. Thank you,

White Lion, for coming on the boat. I thought I was going to hate him because at the beginning of the episode when he came onto the boat he's like, oh, I had a chef named Leona when I was on Billionaire's Island in the Bahamas. I was like, oh, shut up. That's the thing.

With people who work out, they're like, look, I work out. Yes, I can see that. Thank you for announcing it, Don, but I see that you work out. This guy's like that but like that's what rich people do they're like hi nice to meet you I'm wealthy like yeah we get it okay no one else put it away yeah he's you turn out to be cool I thought he's gonna be awful and then when they did the foam party like the saddest foam party of all time it was like ankle ankle high and he had like some big bar mitzvah

sunglasses on or whatever. And he's like, yeah, foam party, foam. And it was so sad. And like other people on Bravo would be like, I can't believe there's not more foam. This is ruined. My night is ruined. And he was just like, yeah, fuck yeah, foam.

He kind of was, but he was too drunk to really get mad. He's like, there should be more foam at the party than this. There should be up to my neck, foam. He kind of was, but he was too drunk to really get mad. He's like, hey, there should be more foam at the party than this. There should be up to my neck in foam. Come on, guys. And his friends are just looking from the balcony like, oh, this sad sack of shit. I can't believe we're friends with him. And I also liked him because of his friends. You know, most rich guys, especially on these shows, most of the rich guys have all these model idiots pretending

that they're funny and charming and smart and his friends aren't like that at all like they're like homelier and i mean they've used his money to get good haircuts and have good makeup and stuff like they all look very good i'm not calling them anything but i just like it they're like more normal people they're like oh god we hang out with an asshole sometimes and i like that it's so nice to see somebody not getting their ass kissed on one of these shows by a young hunker. I agree. Well, I assumed it was his family, which is why they weren't kissing his ass. But, yeah, I agree totally.

Steve, you won. You did a great job. You went water skiing in a blazer or jet skiing in a blazer. Good for you, Steve. You looked like you were wasted and were having so much fun that it actually made me want to go out and get wasted. And speaking of all that, they did have a lot of montages of, and now the anchor's going up and the boat's starting. And now they're riding through the waters. And now look, it's a sunset.

And jet skis. And I thought, this is so funny for maids on a boat. Because this is basically the montage of, it was real mains like watching someone squeeze out the water from the dirty mop in the janitor closet or like you know making sure that there's a new swiffer thing on the swiffer no well um the episode then ended with a massive cliffhanger because emile emile and rocky you know what's funny i wrote down in my notes emile and Rocky, you know what's funny? I wrote that in my notes. Emile and Radar are up on the mast.

I called her Radar. Anyway, she is sort of like a Radar. But Emile and Rocky decided for some reason. Radar for Wackiness! I sense something Wacky coming. I'm just going to make her Meg. She's just making my mind. So they decide to climb to the top of the boat, which is where you're not supposed to go,

especially when the boat is not in harbor and especially when the boat's moving. And they're at the tippy top right by the radar, which is swinging around like a thing that swings around. And it was a big deal. It's a big deal, guys. It's a big deal. Yeah, Kate.

That's when Kate said, I've never seen anything like this in yachting. Never. They're like, they could fall off. They could die. I was like, all right, I'm up for it. And they're like, woohoo, let's take a selfie. Yeah, party!

And then Alex P. Keaton's like, they could die. If the boat even moves five centimeters, they'll be dead. We'll never find them again. They'll be at the bottom of the ocean I'm like, hey, natural selection Wait, say it again? I said natural selection Yeah, no kidding, the idiots should die off sooner, darling

But let's not be mean to Rocky, Ben Because I'm just a mermaid I'm just a mermaid And I'm trapped in a dolphin body And I'm in the water, but I'm trapped I'm trapped in this fishbowl and I just need to get out. I need to be in the treasure chest.

I need to be cooking the gold in the treasure chest. I don't just want to be shut up. Did she know what she signed up for? Does she realize that if you're a maid on a boat, you don't get to go swimming in the ocean and it's also not safe to do that? Is she just a

total idiot? Yes, and there's also not safe to do that just like in the middle of the ocean is she just a total idiot? yes and there's no glass ceiling on this show darling there's no glass ceiling to burst through there's like a lid with a lock on it you ain't ever going anywhere you better get good at making beds yeah make some rocket towels

alright so super funny I think this will be the best season yet. So let's move on. Let's touch on real quickly my Fab 40. Real quickly because I have 10 pages of notes. Okay, I did not take too many notes because it was like, you know, it was funny, but it was weird. I thought that the birthday girls were going to be crazier,

but the birthday girls were pretty normal. And it was the party planner who was bonkers. She sort of looked like Nikki Cox. What? So it's not the same party planner every week? No, I don't think so. Oh, I wish it was because the party planner was the best part about it. She was like –

That would be so fierce. She was a drag queen playing Kathy Griffin, playing Nikki Cox. Playing Nikki Cox. Valerie Cherish, totally, from the comeback. 100%. Total wig, Kathy Griffin face. No, she had Nikki Cox face,

actually, I thought. Total Nikki Cox face. Oh my god, watch it again. You will see Kathy Griffin a lot. Kathy Griffin's eyes. Become a drag queen to play Valerie Cherish. I'm telling you, look up Nikki Cox. Do you know who Nikki Cox is? Yeah, of course.

Yeah. I'm very serious about this Nikki Cox comparison. I will not step down. I will put a face by face. You know what? This comparison. Kathy Griffin and this crazy tranny on this show. Ronnie, this comparison is totally fierce.

It's just a fierce, it's a fierce, fun comparison. Fierce, ladies. She even had that kind of man voice. I love the party planner. She's like, hello, ladies. Hello, ladies. Well, she sort of had an affected accent, too. Let's just get fierce.

We're going to have a fierce 40th birthday for you. It's going to be just wonderful. It was that accent. It wasn't... It was a fake Madonna accent. It was like that 50... That 1950s affected movie star accent.

You know, they talk like that. I can get anything for you. Hello, darling. So this episode was about Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch celebrating their joint 40th... I said Rachel Dr was about Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch celebrating their joint 40th...

I said Rachel Dratch too. I said Rachel Dratch played by Sherry O'Terry. So basically it was like these two women who are besties, and they were going to have a joint 40th birthday party. But what was funny is that like 20 minutes into it, we find out that Rachel Dratch is actually 41. And just her 40th birthday sucked because her husband left her two days beforehand. So it was a redo.

And you know this girl is depressing because her necklace was like a bungee cord tied in a sailor knot. I was like, oh, my God. You're on Bravo. You know, don't bring up Russell. Like, we get that you're depressed. But that's no need, lady. No need. All right?

Too far, darling. Too far. Too far. So, there was like a, so, so the women go and they meet Serena. They're like, we're really excited to meet Serena. By the way, if you can steer this if you want, since you took more notes. Do you want to steer it? You can steer it.

It'll take forever. I was assuming that you were steering because we're going to be here for 10 hours. Okay. So, I'll steer. I'll steer. I can go on for 20 minutes at the beginning but i did love i well first of all this serena chick is amazing yeah and i love that she you knew she was full of shit well first she just looks full of shit like literally full of like shit well these women these women were so excited they were like we are so we we found the best party planner she is like the end allall, be-all.

And they're like, she's worked with Ted Danson. It's like, oh my God. I know. It's like, wow. Well, in that case. No, no, it wasn't the party where he was in blackface

and got in trouble. But it did make the paper. Well, it made one paper. It was in the listings of the paper. So, you know, it's great. Ted Danson, you know, he's on Cheers. So, wow.

So they meet with her, and she's like, ladies, we're just gonna have the most fierce 40th birthday. In fact, I think the theme should be fierce. Celebrate your fierceness. Celebrate your ladiness, ladies. Oh, ladies. 40. 40, ladies. I can do anything.

I'm going to have a rainbow come down from heaven, and you will both slide down your individual rainbows. The rainbows will meet in the middle. Then they will catch you and drop you into matching Ferraris where you'll be jetted off to a pony farm. You'll get on these ponies, and they will ride you to a Prince Charming. You will have sex with him. He will kiss you.

You will fall asleep. A queen will save you, reversing the roles. And then you will arrive at a civic center where 9,000 people are gathered for your birth. It's like, this bitch is not going to come through on anything. Well, I know. She just said yes to everything. And I love that their most

pressing and important request was to have Train perform. Not only just have Train. Go from Aerosmith to Chain. Train, yeah. The best was she was like, ladies, would you like a performance by anyone? And they're like, well,

we do. She's like, well, just who, if you could have anyone perform I can get anybody. Madonna, Cher. Who would you want? And then the girls are like, well, and the girls are like, well, alright, I thought of someone are like well all right i thought of someone i thought someone too should we say at the same time yeah train and that poor drag who was like

what she's like well i have plenty of people that can make you feel like you've been knocked in the face with the train no problem ladies i know everybody they're like if we could have drops of jupiter sung to us at our birthday that would be the most beautiful thing of all time and then the sad one's like it's because when my husband left me i felt like i was hit by a train and so now train speaks to me literally and then it hits me and then i start sobbing and i call my friend Every time they showed this woman, she's like, I'm losing it. I'm depressed.

I'm going to lose it. I'm depressed. The worst is when I had to meet my husband's mistress and her name was Virginia and I can never listen to Meet Virginia by Train anymore. My favorite train song of all time. Ruined.

In a way, I feel sorry for her, but I really feel sorry for her friend who has to listen to it because they broke up friends a while back because the model looking friend got divorced and then Rachel Dratch friend took the side of

the ex-husband along with her husband and they dumped that friend and then when she got dumped then it was like a big different story and then they became best friends again so fuck that girl i'm not gonna sit there i'm not gonna sit there if i'm the model friend which i've never been but if i'm the model friend i'm not gonna be sitting there listening to this bitch who ditched me when i was going through the worst time of my life the model friend is being supportive because the rachel drash friend is

the duff you know the designated that's what i'm. And she's like, no, she needs her Duff. She left her in the... Oh, I see what you mean. She needs her Duff. Makes her look better. It ain't lost without a Hurley, y'all. Yeah. Kate's less pretty in other shows.

Have you noticed? Mm-hmm. So, what was I going to say? So, anyway, yeah. So they want lots of things. Actually, the things that they want, I mean, were not that crazy. I mean, Rachel Dratch wanted pigs in a blanket, and then Serena's like,

it'll be the most glamorous pigs in a blanket you've ever seen in your life. It'll be fierce, fierce pigs in a blanket. I love that, by the way, Serena is still clinging on to slang from 2004. That was so fierce, like Tyra Banks. Yes, she got slapped on the head when she was transitioning, clinging on to slime from 2004. So fierce, like Tara Banks' sister. Yes. She got slapped on the head when she was transitioning, and now everything from that year is stuck in her mind. She's never going to be able to let it go. Ladies, how fierce!

Peaches in a blanket? Those are fierce! We're even going to have them in platters, and under them it's going to be sternos, and they're going to be the fiercest sternos ever, because I know who invented sternos, and I'm going to be sternos and they're going to be the fiercest sternos ever because I know who invented sternos and I'm going to call them

you're going to have the inventor of sternos do an interpretive dance as he lights every single sterno it's just going to be so fierce you know I've helped the jello king right the best Serena Lime you know who the jell-O King is? Uh, no.

She's like, how about some aerial champagnes? Let's do aerial toasts, okay? You know what it's going to be? We're going to have aerial toasts, and we're not going to have pigs in a blanket. We're going to have fierce in a blanket. That's what it's going to be. I'm going to give blanks to everyone. When you wear your blanket, you'll be fierce. Who needs a pig?

You know that's a hot dog. Ah, well, okay. There's fierce hot dogs, too. Pigs don't have blankets. If pigs had blankets, they would get the blankets dirty, and then you'd be eating a dirty blanket. And who wants a dirty blanket? Am I right, ladies? I know everyone. I'll have

Wolfgang here, okay? Wolfgang. You're riding on a unicorn. I'll have Wolfgang cater it. Oh, Wolfgang Puck okay? Wolfgang. Fierce. You're riding on a unicorn. I'll have Wolfgang cater it. Oh, Wolfgang Puck? That's amazing. No, his name is Wolfgang Geschlefleier, but he's very good, too.

He's been at Burger King for several years now. No, he doesn't own any restaurants. He's worked at a couple, though, until he was fired when they found him on Megan's List. But he's still fabulous. He's fierce.

He can refill a water glass like no one else does. Just fierce water glass refills. Fierce. Just the water comes cascading in. It's just magical. Fierce water wonderland. So then the first thing that goes wrong is that there was this charter plane situation, and Serena said the plane will be big enough

that everyone's entourage will be able to go in there. Well, these ladies, these ladies run a heart foundation because one of their kids was born with a heart defect. So they teamed up and they run this heart foundation. And I didn't understand that at first. And so when the lady was there offering them, she's like, ladies, I have a special surprise.

And it was this lady who's like, because of the heart foundation for children with heart defects, we, I have a special surprise. And it was this lady who's like, because of the heart foundation for children with heart defects, we're giving you a private jet. And they're like, oh my god, a private jet! She's like, yes, ladies, the heart foundation. This is for children with heart defects. Like, oh

my god, can all of our friends fit? Yes, ladies. And train. Thank the children with the murmuring hearts. Yes, ladies. And train. Thank the children with the murmuring hearts. Well, I have to give it to these two women, by the way, because things kept on going wrong, and we're so used to these assholes on my Super Sweet 16 or any of the Real Housewives or any Bravo show

when one thing is out of place, they freak out, and they become such assholes and these women they kind of just rolled with every punch they just laughed would have because she started losing her shit a few times and then she stopped because she's like i don't want to be the fat crying one while my model's sitting over there all calm and collected i'm not gonna do it again i'm not gonna do it again we're saying yeah so like you want wear the same dress? Let's wear twin dresses. Let's just wear the same dress. And the model's like, do you want to be wearing a twin dress

with your model friend? Like, that is an automatic before and after joke. It seemed like a Romy and Michelle moment or something like that. But so the first thing that went wrong was that the plane that was supposed to fit all their entourage only fit four people. I'm sorry, ladies.

I'm sorry it's bad news that if the children had AIDS maybe, but you know, heart murmurs get a smaller plane. What can I tell you? Go back and ask God for a worse disease. What can I tell you, ladies? Bad news. I'll talk soon. I'm sorry, ladies. It was a very

fierce situation came up. Ted Denson needed to use the big plane to fly to Texas. So we gave you the little plane, but still a very fierce engine. So get on board, ladies. We're going to fly down to Laguna Beach. So the model was nice, gave it to Rachel Dratch, because basically this entire thing was basically a pity party for Rachel Dratch. Like, well, she didn't get to have a 40th birthday.

So the whole point was that they needed to put the cake on the plane and rachel dratch it this was a moment that was very serious like oh my god i forgot about the cake and i didn't realize until now that we've landed it was so stupid i was like how yeah when we've landed like you're so this we know that the producer said don't take the cake like it's like you don't have to fool us and it was such a non-issue who cares who cares and they've got enough creepy shit happening um without the cake drama like

just show the neurotic one because she was so funny and I love I didn't even mention this but I love the way that this show starts because it was so funny that they just showed a montage of people going, I am 40. This is going to be fabulous.

I cannot wait. I'm young. And then they show the model one wearing like Madonna gloves from the eighties. And they're like, I'm 40. And it's like, then why do you have JLo glasses? And then they're like,

we're young. We're still young. Who cares if we're 40, let's take a ride in my golf cart. I'm like, Oh my God. Can you do any, they're like, let's take a ride in my golf cart i'm like oh my god can you do any they're like let's go to luby's let's go to luby's and get the tuesday luan special for 6.99

we're 20 again like home yeah moon over miami much i know she's like we are young now excuse us while we go to the debbie reynolds musical review But, so they get, so they arrive in Laguna Beach, which by the way, it's funny to me because normally it's people in this area go to Vegas for these things.

So it's funny to think of people from Vegas coming here. But, so they go to Laguna Beach and they meet up with Serena and she's like, Serena's like, well,

ladies, I'm so glad to have you in this fierce shop because I can tell you we've had some, some very fierce hiccups. So we're having some fierce issues with our fierce insurance. We won't have Ferraris for you, but we do have three Ford Fiestas that will pick you up and take you to the Parsi. That's more than an American Idol winner gets.

I figured you would feel like celebrities, ladies. Isn't that fierce? Isn't that so fierce? Now, excuse me, Missy. I'm going to go find the cake while you shop, sirs. Have a fierce time with the leopards and princes. Well, we don't have. I'm so sorry that we don't have Ferraris.

Blame insurance. Thankfully, we've found a wonderful man on UberX who shall be here. You don't even have to tip him, ladies, because you're fierce and you deserve this. Luckily, Ted Danson has generously agreed to donate his station wagon so we can all pile in with the cake.

Ted Danson will be here on a bicycle to take you one at a time from the hotel. And he will be in black face. And Dorinda will try and order a drink from him. It'll be a wonderful mess. A wonderful fierce mess. By the way, did you notice that Serena was referring to herself as a lifestyle

architect? A what? A lifestyle architect. Makes no sense. You can't even architect your damn plastic weave, okay? You look like you're running a bingo night at Hamburger Mary's. Get out of here with your lifestyle architect. I know, I know. It was those men in their stupid pleather pants.

So then, you know, things continue to go wrong. So then it's the night of the big 40th birthday, and the women are trying on different outfits, and they're going to, you know, maybe be twinsies or not finally they decide on something and then they're waiting outside of their um their hotel and by the way i've skipped over their big chunks of the show where the women just cried it was just like a sequence of them crying and be like i can't remember like my husband left me. It was like nonstop crying. One girl over and over again.

And by the end of the episode, I was like, oh, my God. You seriously cried over every little thing. And you threw a fit that a dress didn't fit right that you picked out. I mean, she was right. She did have five boobs. But I was like, yeah. Why did you grab the dress? Yeah.

I was like, the boobs look good. And I love how she's getting her makeup done. And she's like, oh, my God. Is this what 40 feels like? Yeah, bitch. You've been 40 for a year now. You know what 40 feels like. Born again virgin.

But I like that she said, oh, is this 40? Putting on new, horrible, ugly dresses every 10 minutes? Because I could do this forever. It's like, honey, I'm sure you've done this your whole life. Let's stop pretending that these ugly dresses just stopped happening yesterday. You've had five boobs since you were 13. And you've been wearing terrible clothes since then, too. Just stop. Stop with the fronting.

Okay, darling? This is 40. You don't have to front anymore. Let your four tits hang out, darling. Yeah. So then the girls go out waiting for their, well, it wasn't going to be Ferraris. In reality, they were downgraded from Ferraris to Audis, which is also kind of funny. Like, okay, an Audi, like, seriously?

No, they got a Maserati eventually. Oh, it was going to be an Audi. Oh, she also told him, she's like, oh, just popped up in the backseat of your Audi, ladies. Fierce. Just also wanted to mention that Train will be filming a Christmas special that day. Maybe if they get out early, they can come by, but

otherwise, no one's using Jordan Sparks. Should we call her, ladies? By the way, the fact that they couldn't even get Train for the show is a bad sign. I mean, even Sheryl Crow did Big Brother. Anyway, so then they're waiting,

and they're waiting for their cars that means all the guests are waiting and serena won't let them into the party she's like i'm so sorry everyone this weather is fierce and cold but we cannot go inside so the grand presentation so everyone just stand out here and cuddle into my wig and for warmth that's all fierce fierce i'm glad i didn't let them have pigs in a blanket because the only thing warm here would be those little pigs. And then we'd all stand out here being jealous of little pigs. Not at my party, ladies. Not at my fierce, fabulous party, ladies.

Yeah. So then the women finally arrive, and then they go inside, and everyone's mingling, and it's sort of this strange, whimsical bizarre party. And the best history is like, ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest. I would like you to turn your fierce attention to this fierce guest.

And the girl's like, train, train, train. And this random opera singer comes out on the balcony and serenades them for one minute and then goes away. And they're like, oh, okay. And they put up the cost and it's like $2,500. Come on now. When has an opera singer ever been

paid $2,500 ever? Okay, I'm not talking about the professional met, you know, fat lady singing with horns on her head. Of course she does. But who else? There's no opera singer in the world who makes that much money. That girl has made more money off these bitches than she has made her entire lifespan at the singing waitress job. Yeah, exactly.

So then the party keeps on going. There are no pigs in a blanket, which is very upsetting to Rachel Dratch. And actually, I would be pissed, too, if I said the one thing you need to do is get pigs in a blanket. I mean, just go to Ralph's and get some of the Hebrew National ones and throw them in the oven ralph loren i could get him i know ralph if ralph's what you want just say the word yeah i i would have been i actually would have been pissed it's funny because normally i get mad at the people who get mad at their party planners um i'm like you got to settle down but in this case i actually would have applauded them getting mad at this woman and they were like eh whatever well because there's pigs in a blanket

yeah i mean i know the model didn't want pigs in a blanket anyway that's awful and then the rachel dratch was like what sliders we can have sliders too those are fashionable it's like okay please please stop it. You're trying to wear a twin dress with your model friend and asking for sliders. Stop. Just stop. So then they go inside. Around your neck.

So then cocktail hour is over and they go inside the party party. And the band is just a guy playing the sitar. Who is also $2,500. Yeah. sitar who is also $2,500 yeah is there also some is there like some bottom of the basement talent ring that just charges a flat fee of $2,500 yeah it's uh what's her face is it's shandy's uh agency and from bloodswing heels that provides i will get you the least requested performers in the city for $2,500 a piece. My girl's like, well, I keep trying to hang myself,

but I'm doing it with a bungee cord, so I just keep bouncing back. How many times do I have to get my neck broken? So then Serena is just like, isn't this sitar player so fierce? Oh, and look, we have a cellist who's dressed like a guy from Halo. Look at that. So fierce.

What a fierce cello player. Cellist. I know you wanted Yo-Yo Ma, but instead I just got someone from the hazmat area and told him, give him a cello and said, just play this back and forth. Instead, I've brought a yo-yo and a mother. So they'll be standing next to each other breathing. Everybody, watch this fierce breathing. They were 2,500 each. Cha-ching.

I know you wanted swans, but instead I just drew a picture of a swan and put it on the wall here. It's beautiful. It's fierce. Fierce drawing. It's art, baby. It's art. Instead, I brought Mrs. Swan from a 90s television show called In Living Color. You look like a man.

$2,500. So then... Mrs. Swan was really playing all of those people. She's like, all right, get my sitar wig on. Get my sitar wig on. So then there was, like, a little bit of drama because the girls decided to have a costume change. And then there was this four-boob situation with Rachel Drash.

She's like, could you just, like, please not record this for a second? I don't want to be the one with boobs at a party. She's like, could you just please not record this for a second? I don't want to be the one with boobs at a party. It's my party. I don't want to walk out there with four boobs. And you know the cameraman was like, you think I want to be filming this right now? I'm kidding.

The cameraman was like, my dream is to have fucking Rocky's job. That's how sad my life is right now, okay, bitch? She's like, I would rather be down by the sitar. Totally. He's like i would rather be down by the sitar totally he's like uh i will stop filming this as a matter of fact yes and then they show the camera hiding behind a clothes rack still filming it i mean that is just sad i know so then she comes down with her better dress and then this is the moment that we've been waiting for slightly serena we're

an old lady tight glitter dress with a black bra showing through i liked her dress actually i thought it was i thought it was nice but um the moment we've all been waiting for she says ladies we have a very fierce presentation for you this is the moment you've been waiting for i know you've been waiting so long for this so take a seat in the center because this is your dream moment of the woman women are like, is it train? Is it train? And what the funny part is, this is the first time I've actually actively wanted train to appear.

I was like, please just let these women have train. Let them have train. They don't have it. Their husbands, husbands left them. They got a stupid sitar, but everything's going wrong

and they've had such a good attitude about it. Just let them have damn train. Even if it's a model train, just bring out something pertaining to trains, anything bring out like a the the thomas that that's the train anything anything uh just play something give them something quad city djs play the shoot like come on ride the train, or ride anything. They have nothing. I love that.

And what do they get? Train, train, train. You know that this isn't CBS, right? You guys need to aim lower. Yeah. So what do they get? Some strange spoken word dancer. A lady dancing behind a scrim with a flashlight. With a flashlight.

Amy in their eyes. And, you know, God bless these birthday girls. All they could do was laugh. I mean, they're like, what the fuck? And you know what? When things are so bizarre, you have to appreciate it. Because then it's a story. For the rest of their lives, they're like, and we had this crazy person come out.

I love her spoken word. I love art. Like, there were quotes. There were Ramona quotes. Okay. And all sincerity. There were Ramona quotes around that. But I love art like that.

Where it's like, I'm dancing with a flashlight, dancing with a flashlight. Now I've got an angel wing from the party store. Ladies, you're 40, you're 40. Who's 40? Not you, you're 40. 40 years old, because you're 40, lady. 40.

And they kept Bravo's. $2,500. Ching. And Bravo was so funny. $2,500. Ching. It's like, oh, Jing! And Bravo was so funny. This print cost $2,500. Jing! It's like, oh, God. And Bravo was so funny.

They kept on cutting to Serena, smiling like a bunny rabbit in a wig, just, like, so taken with everything. Because she was, like, this is by far the fiercest party I've had since the last time I went to a Ted Danson party last week. This is more exciting than a Ted Danson party in whiteface, ladies. You know that she's totally Sparky Palastri, right?

She just goes and does the same thing for every single party. She gets the aerialists. She gets the spoken word. She gets the sitar. They're all her fucking weirdo homeless roommates. She's like, all right, that's $2,500. And sitar gets three because he didn't do the dishes last week. F's like, all right, that's $2,500. And Sitar gets three because he didn't do the dishes last week.

Fierce, Sitar, fierce. You know what, though? Hand it to Serena, though. They love the food. And usually the food is crap at those situations. So, Serena? Well, these are people who wanted

pigs in a blanket and sliders. I'm sure that their standards weren't very high. That's true. That's true. Ladies, I just feel like I've left you down. What with train not arriving. But when I told him this was for the children with cold foundation,

they just sniffed at it. You know, no pun. And they're like, no, children with heart disease. And she's like, whatever, not AIDS. The children with not AIDS foundation only gets the lady with the flashlight. All right. She's like, ladies, I'm so sorry. We had the lady with the flashlight. Alright. She's like, ladies, I'm so sorry. We had an issue with the

insurance, so we could not get you trained, but I got you something better. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Third Eye... Blind? No, just Third Eye. They're called Third Eye. It's a lady with a third eye glued to the top of her head who will rhyme nothing.

$2,500. $2,500. But they ended up getting a check. All their friends don't... Well, they have good friends, by the way. All their friends flew to freaking Laguna to come to this party. And they took it all with a grain of salt. Like the big, kind of chunky 60-year-old who's like, hey, we're going to have any music to dance to up in here?

I'm like, you're not going to dance. Like, who are you fucking kidding? But they have really fun friends. They all flew out there, and they all donated money so that they got $85,000 for kids with heart disease, which was awesome. Everyone was surprisingly not an asshole. That party cost like $150,000.

Bravo. Bravo. I'm sure we paid for some of it. The kids with cancer are still on the losing end of this one. Or kids with heart disease, rather. Well, either way, I mean, I was impressed that the people were not as much of an not as big ass as they could have been. I think the show also doesn't need

to be an hour. It could have been a half an hour. You know, I enjoyed it enough. It wasn't the greatest, but it's good enough to get us through until Ladies of London starts up. Yeah, or next week. Yeah, I don't need to watch it, because you know it's going to be that thing that's the same every time.

Every single episode, they're going to be like, I forgot the cake. Oh no, what are we going to do? But they do have some really crazy people coming up. They've got a gay guy with really bad plastic surgery. Can't wait to see that party. Because you know it's just going to be like, you know, people with their like natural earlobes. And he's going to have a break down.

And then next week they have a fitness model. And she's like, I'm a fitness model. I'm turning 40. It's a really big deal. And like what I want for my 40th wedding party is for my boyfriend to ask me to marry her. That's bigger than train. Is everybody going to ask for something that they're just not going to get on this show?

It's like, welcome to 40. Your heart is broken and you don't get what you want. No. Happy birthday! Well, I'm going to wrap up this podcast because I suddenly have to go to the bathroom very, very badly. And so I'm going to wrap it up.

So everyone, thank you. You're almost 40? I'm almost 40. How so fabulous is it being? Ronnie, I cannot have any excess words at this moment. So everyone, thank you all for listening. For reals, you can support us on Patreon. We really appreciate it.

Patreon.com forward slash WatcherCrapBins. And if you feel like being a mensch one of those Jewish words you can be a premium supporter be a premium supporter if you want to be a mensch and really support us and then we'll read your name on the podcast and we'll find other cool incentives and of course

you know what you can do for free facebook.com forward slash watch for crap bins so fun so thank you everyone thank you Ronnie thank you Ian thank you everyone thank you, everyone. Thank you, Ronnie. Thank you, Ian. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Bravo, for giving me a wonderful time. And we'll talk to everyone.

We'll talk to everyone next week. Bye. Yes, we will. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.

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