Watch What Crappens - #240: Caught Between a Rocky and a Hard Place

Episode Date: November 19, 2015

The season 3 finale of "Below Deck" ended with some good ol' fashioned slut shaming, thanks to Eddie the bosun. First he denied that he'd slept with Rocky, then he made her seem like she was the crazy one, then he bragged about it, and then he accused her of being a predator. Gross. Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) dive into this season finale and tear it all apart. Then it's on to the series premiere of "The Real Housewives of Cheshire." They're tacky, funny, and strangely accented. Hearing Ben and Ronnie attempt to imitate them is akin to a science experiment gone very, very wrong. And then, just for fun, there's talk of Patti Labelle's sweet potato pie. Remember to support us on http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at http://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

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So I recorded it with Ronnie on the phone. And the two of us talked to this woman, Tina, for five minutes. I said I was Joju Dice and that Ronnie was my life partner, Fabian, with mobility issues. And we certainly enjoyed it. I hope it actually sounds funny. You know what, scammers? Learn to sell things. Like, she could not even sell us.

I have mobility issues. I'm asking for something. Just say there's a wheelchair that'll get you. We'll we'll put you in a rental we'll send you on your why do you have to say no i mean it's a lot you're selling me a dream don't say no just be like yes fat person we will have five trucks to come pick you up and take you to the thing if you need it and free food all day now what's your credit card number so we she she put on a brave face she was laughing along with us and uh at a certain point we annoyed her so much she finally hung up on us so we'll put that into a bonus episode probably next week or something i'm calling cancun's

customer service yeah and i'm giving them a piece of my mind about that team i was gonna ask her about something about like doing gay porn uh but we the the story was going more towards uh ronnie's mobility issues in the buffet and we kept asking her about if it was safe to be in cancun so mobility gay porn and that's another thing she was terrible selling ben goes hey uh we hear a lot of people are getting beheaded over there and she goes yes well i'm not there but uh i do hear that that is a concern that comes up i'm like what kind of thing is she trying to sell but you should be she says well i can't guarantee your safety but i'm like you should be saying you'll be absolutely safe you're scamming us already why do you even care about like all of a sudden being truthful to cancun

so um that was very funny uh uh so that's something to look forward to next week on the bonus episode but for right now um you can uh follow all of our social media on watch where crappens.com you can follow us facebook.com forward slash watch where crappens supes fun over there really really good stuff lots of links lots of engagement people are really like um commenting on there a lot it It's really, really fun. Great way to extend the crappins slash bravo experience, to be fair. And then, of course, if you

donate to us on Patreon, there's all sorts of perks if you support us. There's a bonus episode, which we've just been talking about. There's a monthly hangout, which we did yesterday. And we also have the mailbag, which we did yesterday. And we also have the mailbag, which we were going to do a Thanksgiving mailbag episode, but we announced it too late.

We just didn't get enough entries in the mailbag. You know, the postal service is dead these days. Dying industry. And also, these Bravo shows are effing killing us because we're recording. Well, I say this later in the episode, but we're recording these off a little off schedule. So we're all over the place and it's late and we're having fun. We just did two Cheshires in the past two days. And as you'll hear in the next hour, those voices will make your head explode. Yeah, because you're about to hear the first Cheshire episode, which we recorded last night.

Yes. the first Cheshire episode, which we recorded last night. Yes. So we've only – the first episode, we've only had one – the first recap, we've only had one Cheshire episode under our belt. So our impersonations are so bizarre. Second episode, we start to get it a little bit more, and we start to really home in on those voices. But it's – you guys have a lot of fun Cheshire stuff coming up

between later this episode and then on Thanksgiving. Because on Thanksgiving, the episode, instead of Mailbag, is going to be – Ronnie will be with Nadine, one of the – Oh, yes. Nadine Rajabi. One of the producers of Below Deck. One of the producers on Below Deck. I can't wait. And then that will be the first part. The second part will be Cheshire. on below deck. I can't wait.

And then that will be the first part. The second part will be Cheshire. Then on Tuesday there will be some form of Atlanta and Vanderpump Rules. We're going to have a fun crazy patch together. But not with me because I am going up to the Bay Area tomorrow morning and I'm going to be there for 10 days

for a wedding and Thanksgiving. I'm like Leanne to your footballer. And when you go out of town, I'll just tell myself we'll miss me more when he comes back in my rock. You know a lot about you, Ronnie? You're wild, right?

You're wild, right? She's got manners. She's wild, right? That will all make sense to you. If our relationship is going to last, you're going to need a break every now and then, don break every now and then So let's just dive right into Below Deck Because we have been recapping For hours and hours this week

I haven't had dinner yet And Below Deck is some juicy goosey this week Season finals Wow I felt like Below Deck came up And it gave me a hug And then it walked away And I I felt like Below Deck came up and it gave me a hug. And then it walked away. And I said, bye.

Bye, Below Deck. Bye. Well, it starts off where last week's ended, I believe. Where Rocky is talking to Amy about the fact that she and Eddie have been having a thing the whole time. Which, by the way, I don't think they've been doing it the whole time. But she's like, we haven't done it since the first time we saw each other but um but what was sort of funny was that rocky says to amy like uh are you frustrated you didn't get any and i did and amy's like actually yeah yeah i'll be honest yeah she's like well there was that time i put the

vagina wig on my head that's sort of like getting some that did smell like a connie pooh tiny uh i like when they're when they're showing like this season on below deck i won't go through it all don't worry ben but they're showing the this season and they just put leon leon has been just reduced to a fat dude with weird eyebrows escaping on a jet ski that was so funny it's like the the whole season it's like hey where's that big dude going on the jet ski? Yeah. I know. Yeah.

And why is he taking all our frozen conch? He's like, I'm going to learn how to open this. I'm going to get some beef cheeks. Emil. Someone like that deserves to be called that. So Emil's being like the big man. And he's showing this by threatening, you know, to like kill Eddie. I mean, I don't know what he's threatening to do.

He's being a real man. And he's putting his fingers through his hair a lot. He's like, I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm like, you're giving yourself male pattern baldness. Stop being so mad, okay? Stop doing your hair. Stop it, Emil.

Yeah, stop finger combing, Emil. Stop finger combing. Stop it. Oh, poor Emil. Did you see him? He is going to fight. Emil is mad. He's going to go get mad at Eddie.

And they're going to fight. Come on out, dance people. Come on out. Calm down over there. I know. Silly. Silly Amy. Be mad.

Be mad. That's what I have next yeah me too i was so impressed watching ben cut his onion because you know watching these cooking shows as we do yeah uh it's so cool to see when someone can cut an onion fast i'm excited by stupid little things like that and then it chopped he pulled a real thing off and chopped his finger off and i was like well he's like choppy choppy chopping and then he like basically cuts right into his And then it chopped. He pulled a real thing off. It chopped his finger off. And I was like, I want to lose. Well, he's like choppy, choppy, chopping. And then he basically cuts right into his knuckle. And the funny thing is that Captain Lee was right there. And he's like,

Captain Lee's... No, it doesn't... You know, he's... I'm sorry. Captain Lee wasn't there. It's more like when Captain Lee found out that Ben had cut himself. He just sits there blank-faced.

He's just like, well, is the anchor safe? You might want to have Connie stand here and look at that. Let the blood just soak out of you. Connie, Connie, come over here. She's like, yep, okay, looking at it, looking at it. So Eddie patches him all up, and Rocky is there and eddie is just being a full-on dick rocky's like uh can i help with anything and he's just not responding nothing at all it's like i'm fine

rocky i'm fine it's not like we were doing anything together so stop talking to me i love his impersonation of danny zuko because like that guy only got the role of danny zuko because his dad owns a car dealership or some shit like he would never be danny zuko and he's like yeah i'm too cool for you man like shut up you're alex p keaton not danny zuko stop it get your character straight alex p so uh so then uh connie gets called up into the captain's office and like connie come to and then she's like oh i hope i'm not gonna get fired I'm like, Connie, come to that. And then she's like, uh-oh, I hope I'm not going to get fired. I'm like, you're not going to get fired. And sure enough, she goes up there, and the captain's like,

we want to keep you on board. You're sort of in trouble because you have to hang out with us too. And Connie gets in. Connie's like, yay, this is amazing. And then Emil's sad. I can't call you employee of the month, but hopefully someone in the Mediterranean can because you follow the rules. Congratulations.

It's your follow the rules cruise. A spinoff. Poor Emil. Emil, like if there's anyone who can never hide his sad eyes, it's Emil. He just gets the saddest eyes. He really wants the med season job. Do you know how many girls they are to finger in Greece? He's gross.

He's so gross, and he has such a little angel face. How can he be so disgusting? He looks like a little tiny angel on top of a Christmas tree making wishes to Santa and Jesus, and he's just like a fingering pig. Yeah. He's calm on the cubbyhole ceiling gross so then like people like peanut butter bikinis so then so then um uh because ben had hurt his finger rocky actually has to do a lot of the prep and so you would think that this is like the moment rocky's been waiting for i mean all season long she's like i just want to get in the

kitchen i want to get in the water I want to get in the kitchen I want to get water in the kitchen you know and then she's finally she has an opportunity and she's like I'm basically Ben's bitch I'm like yeah you ever hear of a sous chef before? stupid idiot what do you think you're going to be doing like

cooking in La Bernardin I mean come on I thought I was going to be cutting things but like I'm like his bitch like I'm supposed to, like, do stuff. Like, fuck this job. Yeah. Fuck it. I also thought it was funny that Ben made conch salad. I was like, he made conch.

He made conch. It probably wasn't frozen either. And Amy, I love how Amy phrases it. Well, this is where, you know, I know how she feels. Rocky is going through a lot of hurtful things you know alex be keen he jumped in the water her mermaid tail got a hole i ain't seen starfish even look at her it's cold outside like anything that could be wrong with rocky is everything yeah it's like but rocky do you feel like you're cooking him because it's your dream that could be wrong with Rocky is everything. Yeah. But, Rocky, do you feel like you're cooking him?

Because it's your dream. Do you want to be doing this, huh? Is this your dream come true, Rocky? She's like trying to talk her into it. Rocky's like, fuck this. Dreams are dumb. I don't want to. So then, Rocky is like moping around the kitchen, stomping around

like a little girl. And she's supposed to be doing a chiffonade. And she's doing a chunky chiffonade. Ben's like, all right, you need to make it smaller. And she's like, and then he tries to put them all in the bowl. He's like, no, I don't want the big ones, just the small ones. She's like, but what's the difference? So then Ben's like, you know what? I used to cut carrots.

And then Rocky's like, yeah, I can do this Let me explain to you what it's like to be trying to be a chef When I was a boy, I was trying to be a chef He slapped me on the back of the head and said, cook it And I said, alright And then I just changed my mind And I was like, this could be great I could be great.

I can be a great chef making a potato. Stupid Rocky. So they serve dinner and dinner goes off well. And then this is one of my favorite parts of the episode is that they go to the back of the yacht and they start setting off these Chinese lanterns. You know, the ones you light the fire under and they float off into the night and they're all floating off. And then Amy tries and hers just plummets into the ocean. Hey, lantern, you want to go on a trip?

No? No, you just want to go down to the water? Okay. I was trying to burn up all my scenes. Unfortunately, I didn't commit any. Hi, sinking lantern. That lantern knows the truth, I'll tell you that. Hey, starfish, you want to see a lantern? Here it, I'll tell you that. Hi, Starfish. You want to see a lantern?

Here it goes. Oh, oh, no. Look out, Starfish. Oh, no. Hot lantern landed on Starfish. Poor Vito, the perv who was running this boat, and none of the girls would sleep with him when he got all drunk last week. Poor Vito's, like, letting his lantern go, like,

here's to all the blowjobs they didn't get this week boy regrets I love this scene between I think it was right before doing this Kate and Amy are standing there and they're like watching this beautiful scene and talking about how they're friends and I don't even think they were talking about

anything yet you just hear Kate go cock is my favorite and Amy goes I can't wait to have some real real conch yeah kate goes wow that's like the perfect three lines of their relationship i know i also like how after the lantern thing it's like i wanted to save this one from the guests and you can amy's like oh it's so save this one from the guests. And Amy's like, oh, it's so special. You can just imagine Kate being like, no, I just didn't want them to have all the Chinese lanterns. I just hate the guests.

And then she lights Amy on fire. Let's see if you float off into the sky. Just like one of these burning wind socks. And now it's falling down on your head, burning you alive. Sorry. I love you. It's the warmest you've, burning you alive. Sorry. Ow. I love you. It's the warmest you've ever been towards me. Best friends forever.

Starfish, I'm in the Hunger Games. I'm wearing the dress of fire. Look. Ow. Dress of fire hurts, Kate. This dress hurts. Yes, now go on there. Go on into the water now.

I've never met Jennifer Hudson, but I know she's a strong girl because she can take a fire. And how about that Jennifer Lawrence, too? I love Jennifer Lawrence and Jennifer Hudson. And Jennifer Coolidge. What a fire starter. Am I right? So then the next morning, Ben still needs help. So Emile's going to help out.

And Emile's so stupid. He says, again, he always wraps everything up in this sort of valiant way. He's like, a man can always learn more skills. I'm like, you're just scrambling eggs, okay? Calm down. Emile's making a meal. Ben's like, put some bacon on a trot. He's like, let's drop learning new skills.

I'm going to be fingering the entire time. Shut up. Put some bacon on a trot. So it's your up learning new skills. I'm going to be fingering the entire time. I was like, shut up. Put the bread on the plate, you perv. And he opens like, brr. Yeah, it's like a real man knows how to put eggs on a plate. That's what I say. Real man.

A meal's making a meal. Where are we? We're going right through this one hold on been in roque what is what to betray oh we've already done all this yes i've even colored my nuts yes and he nervously drinks chocolate milk during the captain meeting have we already done that no so well because what happened what i have next next is that while Emil is learning how to – A man can always learn more skills. Yeah. And you're horny. Oh, yeah, because they were making sausages.

Jesus is like, yeah, that make you horny. So then Emil – I mean Eddie goes on a paratroop because he's sitting there for five minutes watching Emil. He's just sitting there watching him. And then finally he's like, well, if you're helping here, that's fine, but you should let me know. I'm like, shut up, Eddie. Just shut up with your small penis power struggle thing. Like, you're such a

bureaucrat, middle management, grasping for power anyway. Like, Emil's helping out in the kitchen. He doesn't have to let you know. If you need him, you go find him. And it's the last goddamn day of the cruise anyway. Whatever, the sail, whatever. Yeah. Do the fenders need to be moved again?

I mean, come on now. Hey, you're mine. Rolls, rolls, rolls. Power trip. Who said it? Oh, Rocky. Rocky goes, yeah, happy last day. Like, yeah, like he's the one who's's like she hasn't been throwing a fit every day i

know exactly um that was funny though so then i think you're out there uh you know if you want to do this and that's fine but you could be outside staring at the you know thing on the side of the boat that floats but it's also like why are you sitting there watching him do this for five minutes and then you say that you know it'd be one thing if you came and be like oh there you are listen you know if you want to do that minutes and then you say that? You know, it'd be one thing if you came and be like, oh, there you are. Listen, you know, if you want to do that, it's fine. You have to tell me because I've been looking for you. But if you're just sitting there doing nothing, sitting around doing nothing, watching him do it.

That's always when he does it. We never see him doing anything. He's always, like, tweeting. And he's like, can't believe you guys didn't do that. You guys suck. The captain's going to be mad. He's like, ready? Ready or mad? Oh, see, I told you. Meeting. Meeting. There's a meeting up there. There's a that. You guys suck. The captain's gonna be mad. He's like, Eddie? Eddie, I'm mad. Oh, see, I told

ya. Meeting. Meeting. There's a meeting up here. There's a meeting. You're all trouble. Meeting, bro. Shut up. Yeah, he does that thing where he parrots the boss, where the boss is like, you know what? We need to get on the ball here. And he'll be like, yeah, guys, we need to get on the ball. Sure thing, boss. You hear him, guys?

Well, you're gonna hear it here. We need to get on the ball. That's right, Eddie. All right. Great job. Great job. Okay. Shut up. So then the guests finally leave.

Nothing really special happened. They laugh. They go, Emil, Emil, is it ticking time bomb? Hey, man, I talked back to a superior. Everybody get over here. Emil's about to blow. Emil's about to blow, dance people. Starfish get into some coral. Look out Emile's about to blow. Emile's about to blow, dance people.

Starfish, get into some coral. Look out. Emile's about to blow. It's like one of those heat vents deep in the ocean, Starfish. You better be safe. Starfish, can I come into the coral reef with you? No? Okay.

Ow, this hurts. Oh, gosh. Isn't it funny? I've been wanting to come in here the whole time and now i'm bleeding oh hello shark i never judge a book by its covers so anyway the the guests leave they give a thirteen thousand dollar tip which is pretty low i think considering the other ones um they're all sitting around crew mess they all go to the crew mess sitting around final tips. And then Rocky apologizes to Kate and Amy out of nowhere.

She's like, yeah, I know you guys really deserved a really strong third. So, but like, you got me, but like, I'm really happy because now I know how to iron and make beds. And you know, now I know how to be shamed by a man. It's great. Thanks. You guys, I know it was really difficult dealing with me sometimes, but, like, you taught me, you know. Like, I saw my dreams, and then I saw them get shattered by a little person, a little tiny guy. And so, you know, I'd like to thank you.

My vagina would like to say it's mortified and is never coming out again, okay? Kate's like, wow, that was unexpected. I mean, I still want to smother her with a pillowcase, but unexpected. I wasn't expecting that. I'm pleasantly surprised. I will cheer less loudly when she drowns one of these times. I'll make one less passive aggressive remark to her today. I'll take out

10 pounds of the 90 that I put in the mermaid tail. I guess I'll take the mermaid tail out of the incinerator before I light it. Get back to her. Yeah, that was kind of weird, but Rocky the thing about rocky like is an

as obnoxious as she can be she's just like a little kid yeah she really is it's like she poops the floor she cries and screams she rips out your hair she makes you get mom hair because she gets getting boogers and pulling it out or whatever and then at the end of the day she's like but i love your mommy and you're like oh my darling yeah you know what she is i just saw this commercial like five times yesterday of this little boy he like runs in the house with like with the dog and he's like here doggie i'm gonna train you i'm gonna show you how to do this and every time the little kid tries to like train the dog the kid like knocks something over and creates a spill and the mom like wipes it up with paper towels it's like bounty bounty bounty and the kid's like here this is how you roll over

and the kid rolls over into a bowl of water and he's like oops and and then they're like for one life when when you're wondering who's training who ha i'm like that's rocky rocky is the one rolling around on the carpet spilling shit while she is ostensibly training a dog no cut to the forest of dead trees that have been taken because of this idiot kid that thinks he's on with no one else. It's like ruined an entire rainforest because you've got paper tails, you little slob.

I feel like Rocky still believes that the way to get stains out of clothes is to use all, and that if you use it, you go A-L-L, that's all, and the stain just comes off the shirt and floats off into the air. She's like,

well, that's how you do it. Hey, Al, Al, that's all. Rocky. While you're talking about commercials, I just saw this commercial while I was watching some Housewives video someone posted for us, and it has a Grand Theft Auto commercial, but it reminds me of

Rocky, because you see Grand Theft Auto, and you're like, oh my god, somebody's going to get carjacked and shot in the head, but it's the opposite, and you see grand theft auto and you're like oh my god somebody's gonna get carjacked and shot in the head but it's the opposite and instead it's somebody being nice to people and paying it forward so instead of like kidnapping someone out of a car and stealing it he's like hey how you doing have a nice day have a safe drive and it's a coke commercial and it's kind of that was kind of this scene with rocky i was like expecting her to come in and terrorize a village and she's like sorry dudes okay good talk let's get together for game night okay yeah so then it's later that like sort of evening or whatever and amy she's so concerned that there's gonna be a fight so she decides she tells eddie about rocky's been saying what rocky's been saying

and eddie just plays dumb. Has the camera been looking at me on these stairs for half an hour? I've been standing here that long? I'm embarrassed. Okay. I need to warn Eddie. I need to warn Eddie! Yeah.

So Eddie, so here are some things that really upset me. So first, Eddie denies it. He's like, what? She's crazy. Whatever. So then he goes to Rocky's room. because Rocky's in there napping or whatever. And he's like, I want to talk to you. And she's like, I don't want to talk to you.

And she's locked the door. He actually picks the lock, which I don't know about you. I actually thought that was incredibly violating. Oh, yeah. He knocks and picks the lock. What the fuck? Seriously? Lots of different characters after that.

Yeah. Like, that's actually's actually like really fucked up like a you know it it just it dovetails with this entire misogynist um uh element of his character that has been coming out that really disrespectful treating treating her like shit makes you wonder how he treats other women. We see how he's talking to his girlfriend. Very condescending. I mean, and how awful. Like, you're a superior, like, breaking into this girl's room. You don't know if she's naked. And walking through the boat like, what are you doing, Rocky? Why are you lying?

Yeah. Rocky! Rocky! Like, taunting her through the boat. Like, chasing her. And then he tells, and then she's just like, she's under her uh blanket and we were making fun of this before during our hangout we're joking about how like she's under her bed like a little girl being like get away everyone leave the room and it was funny but at the same time i also got it like she was

just in her room and she does not want to be seen. And he literally broke in. And then he was like, well, I wish if you're going to like say anything, I wish you would have talked to me, you know. And she's like, well, she did try to talk to you and you said no. Like how like what are like how obnoxious are you? Make it seem like she was the irrational one. She was the one who didn't who didn't handle this maturely when she was trying everything. one she was the one who didn't who didn't handle this maturely when she was trying everything well she i mean i agree with you obviously he's a total effing a you like that uh he's totally a jerk and yeah picking her lock and then lying about it and going through and taunting her all that stuff he's gross um but i guess what shocked me more is just the girls' reaction because the girls were all like, you know, Amy was like, well, no, Amy says, this feels like a crazy Rocky moment.

I mean, why is she hiding under the covers? Right. You know, and then Connie's like, yeah, well, I don't believe her because she's just crazy. And she is. And she does do nothing but cause trouble and piss everybody off. But I don't know. It's sad. It's kind of sad. It's like you expect it from the man.

Well, to be fair, Eddie was doing a good job of making her look even crazier because then he starts saying, what the fuck did I do to make you treat me like this? As if he's the victim. Like, why are you spreading these evil rumors about me? What did I do? I've been good to you. It was so – like, this wasn't just denying that it happened.

It was denying, throwing her under the bus shaming her making her look bad in front of like people oh my god and then turning and saying right to emile's face huh she made it up yeah made it up and he's like why would you do that he's like well you know because you know she's crazy maybe yeah like i mean nothing ever jumped in the water i mean it's crazy and he's like i mean nothing ever happens. Jump in the water. I mean, it's crazy. And he's like, I mean, nothing ever happens. So I don't know why you'd even say that. And the best part is he's then afterwards, he says what I just said. He said that afterwards.

And he's pacing around smoking a cigarette and just denying it. I mean, I don't know why you should say that. That's so crazy. And he's like nervously. His hands are shaking. Like, yeah, way to go. Way to really cover it up. I mean.

He's such an ass and then they kind of trick us in this episode because then he kind of feels bad because they all go out to dinner or you know they get a night off or whatever by the way oh sorry go on am i skipping too much well i was gonna say that um that went about kate finding out about all this oh yeah because the main the main thing just about their fight yeah he switches back and forth because first it's like you're crazy you're crazy then he's drinking because he's pounding those you know cheap ass beers back and they all go to the bonfire or whatever and it's so stressful and then he turned he takes her aside and he's like i love you girl

like you're my kind of girl you're just a great girl and you know i'm sorry that i did that to you and i'm sorry that all this happened i'm sorry i treated you that way then he apologizes then he goes back to the group and says i fucked her i did it guys because he's like yeah guys and it was just so then he went from being like first of all he didn't acknowledge that he lied to everyone he didn't say it in like i'm really sorry i lied to you guys he just went to then like this total asshole piggish uh again still misogynistic way of being yeah i got yeah guys we fucked you know and i also really hated how even before that i think he tells it he says to us he's like well of course i'm gonna not deny it at first as if like oh that's okay what eddie's doing it's fine it's

what he you know it's what you should do it's fine um i have respect for my girlfriend okay i denied it yeah good one buddy so then he's like uh then he says that then rocky of course goes into a crazy yeah she's like it was amazing and so she's going crazy and awkward. And everybody is grossed out with him, especially, because he just totally lied. And then he switches back. And gone is the sorry. And now it's back to making her feel bad. And she's like, dude, why are you making me feel bad? It takes two to tango.

And he's like, oh, really? Why should I feel bad? She's the one who's breaking up her relationship. She's the one trying's breaking up her relationship. She's the one trying to steal a boyfriend. Exactly. Well, the reason why... The cheapest pizza on the market. No one is trying to steal

Little Caesar, alright? Yeah. City burned down years ago. The reason why he goes back is because he's sitting there, he's bragging about it and she's like, oh, that's amazing! And everyone's totally disgusted. They they're like this is awkward and strange we don't like any of this and everyone's really shocked because they don't see the side of eddie but then uh captain lee and eddie are sitting by the fire and captain lee's like well disappointed in you

you did you did a bad thing i'm gonna lie, kid. What a stupid thing to do, you little idiot. Yeah. Yeah, Dad. Sorry, Dad. So then once Eddie gets that, once Captain Lee says that, that's when Eddie tells Rocky, he's like, well, he says, listen, I was the only one who made a mistake here. Which was ambiguous. I mean, I actually think he was probably just saying, like, it's not your fault. It was me, not you you but it still was ambiguous sounded like but then it's later and you realize

that he's saying it's my fault because i shouldn't have been so weak as to let your slutty exactly that's what you think yeah exactly you know because at first i thought like oh because rocky was like really was i just a piece of ass and first of all yes rocky and you should have known that but also like when she got mad at that statement i was like okay now you're being sensitive he was just trying to say something nice but then when they started talking she confronted him and like you said it's like oh no no she actually picked up on the right vibe because then he's like well you're the one who started it you're the one who looked up your dress and you weren't wearing anything under it i was like oh my god are we back in madman era here i mean

this is just awful awful awful awful he's really bad yeah it was pretty gross i didn't really expect much more from him but i didn't expect it to be that bad yeah terrible but um and then he even says he's like i'm not the one going out there trying to break up relationships. Like making Rocky this predatory person. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't act as if you fell victim to some magic potion. Like everyone's fighting over the head janitor. Get the fuck over yourself. Get out of here.

No one fights for that. You cheated and you were sort of broken up anyway. Like, don't blame Rocky for what you did. You were really so out of line it actually really makes me think that he's a despicable human being well yeah he well he's gross so even worse even to make all of this worse is that he's obviously filmed all of these uh diary room talking head things after the fact, right? Because he thought that the crew was going to just hide it for him, which is

why he lied. Because who else would be so stupid? I mean, he knows it was on camera. And even when it was happening, he was still talking to the camera like, yep, we're doing it. We're doing it in the laundry room. So obviously this stuff was shot after all of these talking heads to make it all make sense. I don't know.

But the fact that it shot after and he's still talking about it like she tricked him somehow i mean that's just gross yeah it really is gross luckily there was some levity in it first of all amy was wearing a really strange headpiece uh during this all of this which made me laugh it was like a really bad megan king edmunds sort of meets megan king edmunds sort of meets megan king edmunds meets i don't know new delhi thing um but then i'll tell you what justice would be but what i'd love though just to back up just a little bit was yeah i just wanted to get the ugliness out of the way yeah no it's good well that's pretty much through the whole episode yeah

that's what it was and this is the only this is the only comment i have of of anything that we skipped was that when rocky was under those covers and everyone was like finding out one after another and then kate pokes her head in like well should we tell kate okay and they're like rocky's like eddie and i have been uh we've had a thing this entire time like this entire time and kate's like well good for you happens on boats no big deal you guys ready to go I just wanted to make sure you weren't waiting on me so that's it then okay let's go then I was wondering what the delay was and for a moment I thought it was me you guys were waiting on me but of course you're not waiting for me

because it's 20 minutes ahead of schedule of course it's Rocky Rocky in a bed that we're waiting for on my night that I get to drink so congratulations you got the own let's go so guys I punched out Human Resources opens never on Planet Nowhere, so let's get some alcohol down our

throats. Okay? Great. Good job. Good job, Rocky. Good job. You sad? Oh, does that hurt? I can't wait to see. Poor thing. Pat, pat. Okay. Bye-bye. And to Rocky's credit, she's like, okay. Let's get something that's ready.

And then Amy's like, now, Rocky, here's what I suggest you do. Now, you go up and you say, Eddie, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Your advice is that she should apologize to eddie oh my god i mean of course she felt stupid after this but uh yeah because all this stuff happened after that but i was like oh no these girls are gonna feel like such a-holes i know so then after this like big bonfire and all this stuff is the next day and it's like sad because you know um below deck ends the way the real world always ends which is that everyone sort of gets their little rollaways and rolls

rollerboards and they roll off into the sunset and like they all leave in a staggered way and they all hug it's like you know at the end of a real world season like oh there they go i just you're like it's over whereas like on real housewives they just have a big party and then just ends you know so we have they cut each other and just leave each other bleeding in someone's backyard or something. On this one, they're like, okay, my greyhound's here, so I guess I'll be walking the mile to the bus stop. Okay, bye now. I'm going to go to Joe's Crab Shack if anyone wants to meet me for a pina colada. I'll be waiting in the uh holiday in uh bar lounge

and i'll be in the holiday in express bar lounge so whichever one you want to go to you can meet us there um so emil emil is going to california for rocky that was his what an idiot that's his big thing i'm gonna i don't even care what you think i'm going to California with Rocky. He's going to go up to an aquarium. She's going to be swimming as a mermaid doing some sort of mermaid show. He's going to go up and he's going to bang on the glass like just now and be like, Rocky! Rocky!

And then she's going to hop out in her tail and they're going to get onto a bus and they're going to look forward to the future. And the bus is going to go five feet and get stuck in L get stuck in la traffic and that'll be the end of their story i think he's gonna go there and she's never gonna return his call and he's gonna like get a job as a singing telegram and just be like ding dong oh hello you're a pussy i'll look it i am emile and i am real happy birthday you stupid whore the goodbye scene between Kate and Rocky was fucking priceless Rocky comes down she's like okay because Rocky's basically gone around and said she's sorry i mean then she has another fit and poop is on the floor but then she says sorry again you know

and so she comes down and she's like okay then well bye bye she's like okay it's like charter season's end that's what happens you can leave now Kate's like, charter season's end. That's what happens. You can leave now. Like, well, here we are. She's like, yes. Yes. Here we are. Okay, well, good luck in the future. Well, yes.

Okay. Yes. You don't have to wish me good luck. I'm Kate. I have it all organized. I know exactly what the future has for me. There's no luck involved Rocky's like Like they say in eastern religions Put on a tail

It's made for a ten year old And if it's got a hole in it Cry a lot, call your mom Fuck three guys on a boat And dive in the water Am I right? She's like dives over the boat Bye crazy, bye now She's so stupid the boat and dive in the water. Am I right? Ooh! She just dives over the boat. Bye, crazy!

Bye now! She's so stupid. Does her stupid dive. No one cares. Swims off. And Kate looks at it probably the same way that she looks at a beautiful sunset with cold unfeeling eyes. She's like, well, hello, sunset.

I'm off the clock now or I would give a crap that you're pink it's like i it's like i just ironed that part of the ocean from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca rsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many

stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of

becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy

early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I would have shed a tear 10 minutes ago, but I'm done working. So as far as I'm concerned, you could be a falling moon. Goodbye, Sunset. She's like, I am not getting the...

Oh, never mind. Couldn't remember the name of what it was. The flotation device. I was about to hold my own hand, standing here staring at the sunset, and then I thought, gross. I was going to tell i was going to tell her that there are some jagged rocks right there but i thought you know what let's just see how

this plays out so then there's um then kate and ben have this like pseudo romantic thing like well okay you deserve a great guy. You know, I don't think I'm – I'm not there yet. You know. You need some wonderful, mildly and lovable son to take care of you forever. And I'm just no that guy, so I'm going to have to break up with you, okay? She's like, um. She's like, I know. Hi, we weren't dating.

She's like, I know. I know. You know, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. He's like, but I'm a lazy, horrible sack of shit of a human being. She's like, yes. Yeah, I know. And when I need your penis, I'll be calling that sack of shit to mobilize and bring it to me.

And until then, you can just be quiet. Whatever vote you end up on. Okay. Thanks. She's like, all right, then. We'll always have Paris. She's like, all right then. We'll always have Paris. She's like, please stop talking.

Yeah. She's like, so I'm going to go downstairs and put on a light sweater and maybe I'll see you. Maybe I won't. Doesn't really bother me either way. I'm just confused

about your intentions there, Kate, because you're wearing your romance shawl. She always wears that shawl when it's romantic looking gorgeous time. She's like, well, I was just going to tell you that I don't give a crap out of you. Or I don't give a crap about you. While I look fantastic.

We're done here. Clear my plates. Thank you, busboy. Thank you. She's like, I know, Ben, this seems like a romantic moment where I'm gazing into your eyes. But honestly, I'm just waiting for my Uber to show up. I'm five minutes away, Alejandro. I'm gazing at that little tiny wrinkle in your crease in your eyebrows and wondering, when is he going to notice that?

Okay, it was great watching your mouth move. I'll be making my way to my Uber. Captain Lee's like, well, now this is over over i get to start up uh uber yacht he puts a little surprise kate i'm your uber driver i miss you so much and i got a new job just so i could take you to the holiday hugs i'm just imagining captain lee putting a little u on the front of the yacht and putting his phone in a holder by the captain's wheel. Be like, all right, got to pick up in Antibes. See you later, everyone.

He's like, guys, time to put on these cowboy boots and get back to Tallahassee. Guess I'll wear some socks. Some days the dreams got to end. Sorry, guys. Got to get off the boat. It's surge pricing and I gotta pick up in Kupakoy in St. Martin. We'll miss you below deck. Where you going?

Just Amy. It should just end with Amy alone on the deck. Everybody else is left and she's just waiting for her Uber. Just waving to nothing. Just waving to the street. Bye!

Bye! Bye! Where ya going? Help me! Hi, Seagull. I'm on land now. For a second, I stepped on a sidewalk.

I met someone named Mr. Seagull. We both love bread. Shh. It's our secret I like that this seagull has a little pipe in his beak And he has a little cap on his head Real charming and such Oh, Ben, I cannot believe you're going to miss the blowdick reunion

I know, I'm so excited to see it Oh, Thanksgiving, holidays But you know what though? Here's what I'm so excited to see it. Oh, Thanksgiving! Holidays! But you know what, though? Here's what I'm happy about, is that we have a brand new British show to get to. So let's move on to a show that some of you guys have actually already seen. You've already seen all of it. It's been on YouTube or just in your own country,

if you're listening from across the pond. Real Housewives of Cheshire finally being broadcast here on Bravo in the States. You've probably seen something like it late at night when the TV programming stops and just a bunch of fuzz comes up on the screen. If you really listen to it hard enough, those little dots are calling each other bitches and trying to stab each other with forks. Yeah. Pretty much watch the entire season. Yeah. So, you know, of london is done so bravo's like let's just downgrade the experience and go from women who are close

to upper crusts and go to women who are close to middle crust just crust just go to some crusty ass women in some place nobody's heard of before and they're like well they liked melbourne you know people like funny accents on a saturday morning yeah okay uh you know andy said in some interview of course my sources as much of a news journalist as i am my sources are zero but i remember reading somewhere i think on our facebook that andy admitted to never watching melbourne i mean that guy even has too many housewives to watch he's like i didn't watch that shit i didn't have to do the reunion i took the year off yeah that he made a huge mistake because melbourne is great uh cheshire the you know the

the jury is still out for me but you know i still enjoyed it uh one of our listeners either tweeted at us or they post on our facebook page saying that this show is like New Jersey to London's, Lady of London's New York. And that's a perfect analogy for a real Housewives analogy. Well, this one, last year when it came on, people were putting it on the Facebook. And I was like, hell yeah, I'll watch a new Housewives. But I think at the time we were covering, that was a time in Bravo's history that I think they had like six Housewives shows on at one time. And our podcasts were going to be 20 hours.

And we were like, no, fuck it. Because I tried watching it and I was like, who's this Magali? It's like she's this Disney villain who I don't even understand. And everyone's mad at her. And it's all plot lines ripped off from other Housewives. And I was like, fuck this show. I don't need this. But then when I watched it this week i was like uh the show's amazing and i don't know if it i needed a year to start understanding what the f they were saying

but i was like i love this it's almost like a community theater version of like all the other ones yeah i like it it's like um 30 first of all 30 of it i don't understand because because the Because the Cheshire accent is probably going to be the strangest accent we're ever going to tackle. Where is Cheshire? Where is it? Oh, you got all robot-y for a second there. I don't know where Cheshire is. And it'll probably be about three weeks before I actually look it up on a map. Sandslough was wrecked with boarding school school well because it's like it's not a liverpool

accent it's just sort of like a it's not a hot it's not a queen's english it's not a cockney it's just like um it sounds almost like they have um difficulty hearing um it sounds like they've got speech impediments cesar a big town for trains no one can hear at night because the trains keep rolling all they're like whoa and it also sort of sounds like they're eating apples or something they're like they're you know like in ladies of london it's like hello there what's going on and and i'm of cheshire this is my first time trying out they're like what's going on you're like what it's like they got their mouth full or something i imagine some producer being like all right we're looking for a format to do on the telly look at this housewives and they get an instruction booklet

they're like okay the show opens with shots of rich things and then people describing themselves but then they never watch the housewives to realize what it was really like so they're just like all right darling describe yourself and they're like my name is bonnie i like air i like trains and i like trees and nothing that order i like to order things because i'm a woman it's like that that 30 minute... It's like a CV. It's like, if I'm going to go to the supermarket, I like to buy shoyu and I like to buy coffee and chocolate and sometimes I'll buy cheese

but sometimes I'll just buy some vegetables and broccoli. You're like, okay. It's like... Yeah. And like every room in the show, first of all, the colors are like oversaturated so it's like a little garish to like, brrring, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. And, like, every room in the show, first of all, the colors are, like, oversaturated.

So it's, like, a little garish to look at. And then on top of that, apparently this woman, Dawn, has designed every room inside of Cheshire. And so, like, everything is, like, either, like, a deep, dark purple velvet or, like, an orange black. black oh it's then it's like a golden so it's just like these vivid colors that remind me of that awful couple from season one of newlyweds just the first year that awful remember that indian girl whatever yes the one who's like weren't you paying attention to me everything's like golden or dark purple and velvety. And it's just like, oh. Yeah, it's like everything in here jingles. Yeah.

Even the catch. Even the sofa. So, yeah, if you don't understand part of this, that's because we didn't understand it. So just put the syllables together and guess. All right. And on top of that, you know what they did for the opening credits, their opening lines? They did something that was a throwback to like the opening lines of OC way back in the beginning. Because they didn't used to have really coy, clever – well, they're not really ever still clever.

But they didn't have these coy lines they do now. It used to be in the beginning they took actual quotes from the footage and put it in the opening credits for OC. I think because they forgot that they were supposed to do that part. They're like, well, didn't follow the instructions. Well, no, they did OC. I think because they forgot that they were supposed to do that part. They're like, what didn't follow the instructions? Well, no, they did it. Yeah, because they did that. They just took clips. But the thing is they took, like, bad audio.

Everything is like, I'm going to get interested in all this sex. I'm like a snake. And when I'm going to, I'll discard you. And you're like, what? I heard discard. I heard something about snake. Did they say snake? Oh, God, that was a good one i wrote them all down this show took me two hours to watch because

i had to keep first i was like wait what did that did she say that and then i would rewind it and bitch did say it i had to write everything down i wrote this is the best uh like i put meme filled but that's not what i mean um It's like put three sentences down about yourself that don't relate to any of the things. Even the beginning is just so filled with bullshit, and they're like, all right, get some bullshit and make it rhyme, because we're housewives.

She's like, in Cheshire, there's only one way to move. Oop, a rat. It's a bat being put of the the in circle a splash of kish friendships make friendships break keep your wits about you i'm like jesus christ amy it's like amy is writing the opening of this no oh my god yeah and everything was just like very it was like the producers couldn't decide what funny line they wanted to use. They used about five from each person. It was like, I don't just drive cars, I sometimes take the bus.

And then sometimes I go to the gym. When I work out, people look at me. And the best part about living in Shesha is having a couch. And you're like, what? And that was like one person's entire opening line. The most difficult one is the first one. I'm puke. I'm like, what is this woman talking about?

I know. She looks like Adrienne Malouf. She's got Malouf face. She's got bitter divorce attitude because she just got divorced. I have to say, I disagree about Adrienne Malouf. I actually wrote it down as Kristen Wiig meets Mariah Carey. Played by Adrienne Malouf. I think the reason I wrote that is because her first scene is kickboxing.

Because everything on this show is from another Housewives show. Everything they do. So that was also Adrienne Malouf's first scene. She's like, I may be rich, but I'm also tough. Yeah. And, you know, she's like beating up some trainer. But Ampika kind of looks like that. But she's the one who's like, oh, my poker.

Oh, my poker. Oh, my poker. Oh, my poker. I'm a hooker, get a bunch of drop of sex. I'm like a shark when don't y'all discard ya. Yeah, this was crazy. I'm a look like a lab, but I'm a snake. It takes me a really long time to digest ya, cause I swallow your hole. Then I look fat and eat a nipper.

Then I poop you out. Then I'll eat another man And I can't move from home I'm surprised that for one of these ladies They just didn't put a mic up to her while she was ordering something from Starbucks Oh, the veggie Veggie Frappuccino

Two pumps of caramel I'm like a pumpkin sposh What? Pumpkin sposh. I'm pumpkin sposh. Write your own name down on the caption. We have a cappuccino for office space. Office space.

That's me. I'm a baker. I'm baker. I'm like a snake. I'll spit you and poop your hole. It's like, what are you talking about? Okay, and then Dawn. Now, Dawn is like the super beautiful, boring shit one.

She looks like a famous actress. I was trying to say that. Poppy Montgomery. No, she's like a little Mariska Hargitay-ish meets Elizabeth, what's her face? Guy from Awesome Powers. She looks like a pretty blonde girl from movies who's always treated badly by the guy but you think she's really confident but inside she's really hurting it's that girl she's like i'm doing i'm gonna say well i think you know what

on mine lipids don't change wait no that's not dawn dawn is the decorator right yeah yeah oh yeah that's what they're talking about she decorator, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what I thought you were talking about. She looks like Ronnie from Real Housewives of, which one was that? The Canadian, Canada? Oh, I haven't watched it. I'm like Andy Cohen. So I've got hope for this Don. But Don says everything deadpan.

And she's the one who's got a charity bowl. And everything's a big deal. I'm so busy. But she says everything really deadpan. She goes, I'm going to say what I think. Know what I mean? Leopards don't change their spots. Unless a designer comes out with a new version of leopard spots.

Which means they do change. A lot change with a leopard. Change your spots if they tell you to. Check it. What? It's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. The opening chorus takes like 20 minutes

because they're talking so much because then Lauren comes I don't even write down what Lauren said but she probably was something like I like to have money

a lot I love diamonds love diamonds and coffee and chocolate but diamonds again never talked about diamonds yet alright well you know the thing I like about

diamonds is that they're shiny and you get a lot of them and you can put them all together and make this horny bracelet all around and you get them in a mind and I'll just say they're shiny, and you get a lot of them. And you can put them on together and connect this horny bracelet all around, and you get them in a minge. And I like to say the diamonds are minge.

And you're like, what? Lauren is my favorite one. She's got this bright red Ronald McDonald hair and this funny looking face. And she has this funny way, this nasal guttural way of talking. It's so weird i like brussels being Cheshire Queen and I still wills and no Chinese food.

I don't listen to anything that anyone tells me. She's like cartoony and like hot.

She looks like she's like on Phineas and Ferb. Okay, now we get to Leanne. Leanne is the one who looks like the pretty blonde actress. She's pretty, and she's one of those young, old people where sometimes I think, oh, she looks like a 20-something who's making herself look old with her styling, but then she has so much sun damage. I'm like, no, she's a 37-year-old who

has a baby face. I can't tell. Yeah, she's just that... She's old at heart. Yes, she is old at heart. She's not an old soul, she's just old at heart. And she has the most... I hated her from her opening thing, because in her opening thing she's like,

I married a footballer I live in a very big house I swear it works out well she's like the boring one and it's so sad because everyone else gets a monologue in the opening and it cuts to the beautiful blonde one and she's like I married a footballer

the end that's all you get bitch and then we get Magally who is kind of their pediflora like see i think she's ursula yeah i think she's french she had i think she had a french accent she's hysterical uh her english is just beautiful and i love how she chops it up and makes everything like it sounds like she's mistaken but i'm like no i think she means it that way yeah because she says in her she's like i'm a golly, no, I think she means it that way. Because she says in her, she's like, I'm a golly. You cross me, you better uncross

me. You better don't across me. Don't miss me. She does that thing that I love that when French people do, aka, I actually think it's kind of annoying. When she's mad, she turns everything to like a staccato rhythm and she's like, you know, it's so much of the

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So much of the fa-fa-fa-fa-fa- you know it's so much of the i don't need a she's like starting a car very staccato anger i love it yeah don't cross me i'm like what are you a fucking godfather get out of here disney video yeah better spit ariel back out that ocean yeah don't cross my god and then uh tanya who's kind of like the young bimbo, she's like, I got a dream man, a dream balder, a dream career, a dream car. When I go to sleep, a dream. I was going to say that. A dream of my dreams.

I was going to say that. When I go to cities, I stay at the dream hotel, which is a dream in and of itself. My favorite Olympic team was the Dream Team. And it was mine. Okay, so that's the opening. Dun-dun. Okay, so opening. Dawn Marriage Violins.

Oh, yeah. Because Dawn is the, I guess, like the main one who's supposedly bringing them all together. I'm not sure. Well, here's the thing. Dawn is the i guess like the main one who's well she's supposedly bringing them all together i'm not well here's the thing dawn is the one that gives this show some sort of pedigree i think because when we start with her she's in wolfoy hall and it's like this it's a huge estate i mean they show it from overhead it's huge it's one of the biggest ones i think we've seen in any of the housewives church 11 bedrooms 15 15 horses a person that we just like to punch um just like we got tibby mina and josie the stuff

but the thing is this though all the other women live in like a subdivision they're just like they have these basic you know basically just like a standard houses with like a little plot of land and the and it's basically like they're vassals and and don is the one that lives in the giantess they're don is the one who lives in down abbey and the rest of them are like the little farmers in town that mrs padmore goes to visit to like chat but it's like down abbey covered in like really shiny joanne fabrics yeah i'm the most sort of didn't shisha i'm like really is there a lot of competition because you've literally got something silver you've got a silver batman sheet hanging over the dining room

table telling rethink yeah this is like this so it's just like oh so this who keeps uh all those shiny fabrics in business this is the one who keeps selling buying those things you know she's a bitch from hell she just seems like it she's so deadpan and she's like oh it's my husband over there ashley the ex-footballer people say we're a golden couple but i don't fancy him that way that That's why I buy golden sheets for everything. Golden fabrics everywhere because we're the golden couple. That's the ex-footballer. Just like the sport, I've no longer got use for him.

So I just keep him in the corner, covered by a Batman. Timmy, get over there. Put a sheet over him. Put a sheet over my husband, Timmy. I'm giving you a tune. Design comes from within. Oh, shut up. I know.

That's why it's called interior design. Come for me and show it to you. And she's like, oh, Nicola. Nicola's a great... Ticket for ticket. What are you talking about? I'm doing, that's the way they talk. It's just like.

I can't tell. I keep thinking your mic is cutting out. No, that's the way they sound. It's a combination that they have crazy accents and their audio equipment's really bad. Some people are a stepping shower and some people are a laying bath. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't. Interior design.

Come from within. Champagne. Bocca schmo. I do it. And the other one's like, you know what you do? You take it. You put it by bedside. We can be in line and drink for me.

That's what you do. You're right. Nicola. Nicola, you're so funny right there. I love Nicola. She always has a good chance. You know she's going to be awful because she's one of those who says, what do you write like oh nicola nicola you're so funny right there i love nicola she always has a good chance you know you know she's gonna be awful because she's one of those who says i'm obsessive compulsive ask anyone on my staff because to a rich lady obsessive compulsive means

bossy cut fitness it's like you're only obsessive compulsive when you have a staff working for you it's like you're not doing things right know, it's not obsessive compulsive. That's being a bossy bitch, okay? Yeah, exactly. Well, that's how she's excusing it. She's like, I'm not a bitch. I'm just a... I'm a shitty.

A shitty. Did you say you're a shitty? No, a shitty. A shitty. I'm a shitty. I'm a shitty, darling. Nick, Nick, darling. Nickler, get three different

sorts of champagne buckets put in my bed so we'll see which one has the most orange juice in it. I'm so busy. I'm so stressed. The creme de la creme bowl is coming up because my baby had menchadas. Creme de la creme! And then she tells me basically that

this evil Magali had the nerve to call for a free ticket. And she's like, she wants a free ticket from me. I'll tell you what. This is what you say to someone like Magali. No. That's what I say. Shit, a cheeky cow. That's shit.

She's like a cheeky cow. Shit, look. You go to a farm. You see a horse. You say, is that a horse or a Magali? You say, no, it's not a Magali. It, you see a horse, you say, that horse is Magali. You say, no, it's not Magali, it's the cow.

That one over there, that's Magali. I got the horse, I got horses over by my place. Magali, she's a cheeky cat. Magali horse would shit on your stoop and send you a bill after.

That Magali always wants a freebie. Meanwhile, they cut to Magali and she's got like, Miss Cleo accent. Like her French and her British together. She's like, you better don't cross the me. Her first line.

Her first line. Well, at least that I wrote down. I wrote Magali exclamation point. And she goes, I'm very bubbly person. I'm always like when you cross me a better don't cross me I'm a football wife okay and this is my football man and then they show him and he's like she's like the Four Seasons in ten minutes minutes yes I'm all about good power and if girls don't like me I get Lulu the

dog so Magali explains her side so so Don says Magali wants a free ticket and they're like so then Magali explains her side. So Dawn says Magali wants a free ticket. And they're like, I want a free ticket. So then Magali's like, It's simple. Oh, God. Her accent's going to be real hard.

French Cockney Cheshire. She's like, She's like, No. So, no. I like simply want shit. This is a ticket. And I only had tickets

I would add tickets four tickets so then she called and said here's some more tickets and I said

oh they're complimentary complimentary tickets it's all you know I'm going to ask I'm going to ask oh man

no I want an apology I'm not I'm not so I so I say I'm not going to go to your party without an apology. Oh, so good. It's like a warped record. She bought four tickets. But then Don called and said, do you want to come to the Crimble?

And I thought tickets were free because she offered. So I gave my ticket and I bought away were free because she offered so i gave my ticket that i bought away and then she say not free and i say what is the problem asking it's not bad all these people are crazy so now i'd buy another ticket oh jesus she's like furious and she's the one who looks like a football player the american kind yeah can tackle you and turn your brain to mush yeah yeah so then we get to it was hilarious i love listening to you do my golly please it's like a all these women i'm just trying to throw every accent together and do some vaguely british sounds because that they were it was like i could not get a handle on their accent was like

on it was unlike any other british accents i'd ever heard it wasn't like this it was just like a strange it's weird kind of shrek australia english span i don't know it's there's a lot going on it's like the green juice of accents the crypty i really do like their uh i really do get a read on their personalities because even if you don't understand what the f anybody's saying you get such a good idea just from their tone and their speech pattern. And this bitch is my favorite. This Lauren. Yeah. I love love and I hope to party.

I party with Prince Charles and Camilla. I'm the queen. I like coffee. I like coffee. I like chocolate. I like my men like coffee and chocolate. Four dollars and filled with a brim and more. I like them to burn my mouth. I like them to also be served on a vash.

I like when she said, I wrote this down. I tried to do it in transliteration. When she said, I'm from Cheshire, this is what I wrote to try to get a handle on her. She goes, I'm from Cheshire. Cheshire. I'm from Cheshire. She's trying to do a Marilyn Monroe, but it's coming off like Phyllis Diller confused in Mexico. Don't ask that.

Yeah, she's like, I like coffee. I like chocolate. I like me. I shall be rich. And my house is perfect. Perfect. Yeah, she wrote perfect. She didn't say perfect.

She said perfect. Perfect. Perfect. My house is perfect. Perfect. Perfect. perfect so perfect I need to make

my husband realize that those things will make me happy diamonds I love diamonds and then she spends all these pounds for the diamonds because I need the diamonds to make me happy

it makes life easier I've got A rabbit named Sweetie. Take a rabbit around and walk from the backyard. She takes Sweetie into the stores. Well, anybody who's ever had a rabbit. Rabbit, I've had like six, by the way. That was my childhood obsession with my sister. They poop everywhere all the time.

There's just these little pellet poops that pop out at all times of the day. There's no stopping it. There's no training. I'm just like, hello, sweetheart. Let's go get some churros, sweetheart.

I'm just dropping shit all over these nice stores. Oh, sweetheart needs some earrings. She's got big ears. She needs big earrings. All right. So let's get her some diamonds. She's got big ears. She needs big earrings. All right. So let's get her some diamonds. I'll be perfect.

I love that she spends all this money. And then they cut to her in the backyard. And it's so cramped. And you can see three other houses around them. They're like in row houses. And they're spending all this money. You can't wear backyard, can you? What's the point of buying that when

you could get some earrings? I once tried to make earrings out of mulch. Didn't work so well, so I went to Diamonds and said, I love Diamonds now. What, sweetie doll? She's going to burn my earrings? I love Diamonds. I would shave all the things on God's green earth

That diamonds Are the most perfect Have you ever had a blood dom? Here's the thing about blood diamonds I think I'm making her sexist Like Texas speech impediment You know I don't knock about Here's what I don't knock about diamonds

Blood diamonds Is that people get hurt and stolen from Text with speech impediment. You know, I don't know. Here's what I don't like about Diamonds. Blood Diamonds. Is that people get hurt and stolen from. But the thing is about Blood Diamonds is that I love Diamonds. It's worth killing a baby for. Perfect. Perfect. She's talking about her husband and she's like, I never listened to anything he says.

We've never got on. We've always clashed. I need Julie. She's telling him, I need Julie to go with my dress. He's like, Julie, you know I want you to be happy. She's like, you just made me happy. So good. And she's like, it's a bit like sleeping with the enemy.

I have to give him blowjobs because it's a marriage work. You give a blowjob and then sometimes a diamond will come out your hoo-ha when you make a dinky. To not go into a baseball game because my husband said there'd be a diamond there. So excited. I've already given him a preemptive blow job and she actually says like you know like you have to work in your marriage and give blow jobs to get diamonds but i mean i don't have that much jewelry because there's only so many bjs you can give so good i mean i know she's just say that in a regular accent to get it out because otherwise otherwise we would die.

I know. Just repeating things. We're basically like circling the drain of the accent, but we're not getting any closer. We have to watch a few more episodes to get under our belt. Then we go into Leanne. Now, Leanne has a hot husband. Whoa. Well, yeah.

That's like all that matters in this scene is that she has a hot husband. That's pretty much a Leanne scene. I've learned from one episode that it's pretty much like Leanne is going to be home alone while her husband's off fucking other people while he's playing football or whatever. And she's just at home like, come on, kids. Let's get in the car. Yeah. She's like, these are my daughters, Winky, Pinky and Flinky. And the thing that we like. And that just cuts away.

winky pinky and flinky and the thing that we like that just cuts away winky just turned seven and today we're going to next scene i love my shopping and designer clothes and my hair my roots and my nails and those are my daughters and that's my mate how you doing mate it's like cut cut to a bitch she's like do nice and sad she's like i'm making you pancakes again like how you doing rose and rose just gives this like face like she just smelled poop it's like all right talking to you rose rose like i'm just counting down the days till lydia buys me off of melbourne makes me a daughter. Oh, Magali. Magali will be like, I spent my money on tickets on your maid. Rose!

Do charity. Go. Do charity dance. Donna give up on Rose. Wait, what did she say? Donna mess with Rose. What's funny is that Don... I think Leanne and Don then go shop. In a minivan.

Okay, if anybody's curious about the differences of this show and Irregular Housewives, they arrive together in a minivan. I mean, really, Shesha. But the minivan comes with 15 horses. Oh, what was that? Oh, 15 horse power. Oh, I've been telling everyone I have 15 horses. So... Of a mini horse van.

So they're going shopping for these... For the stupid ball, which... Oh, come to the ball and pay invoicer! Meningitis awareness. What is it? Meningitis awareness. This is all about meningitis awareness what is it meningitis awareness this is all about meningitis this don't really know what it is yet but it's a good reason to throw a bang meanwhile don's like oh i love seeing a good man in a gitis

meningitis you know we're anti-gay marriage you think your way we'll think else so uh they go to these dress designers who are kind of the uh cheshire bravo queens yeah they're like they're like they're like in one of those uh sorry i just cut you off but i'm gonna say that they're like they're like in one of those um um like temporary like buildings that you can get to store wood in that you buy at home depot that's where the dress shop is it's like a big plastic structure that you pick up in a pickup truck it's kind of cracked out nathan lane is the main guy he's like yeah i've got some patterns for you and some bubblesvels, some feather bevels. You'd look beautiful in a feather bevel, miss. Oh, my God-ass kissy.

Sit down over there. And Don's like, well, the first rule of dressing for meningitis ball is that the hostess never wears just black. You wear something that's not black. You wear beige. Black is disrespectful to the meningitis did positive all right how do you avoid getting meningitis get me something floral oh yes you look good in something floral it's like that accent is difficult enough to understand without being in the center of flames nathan lane all right sit back there and pass her some clothes. Well, what I like is, so Leanne brings Dawn along because she and Dawn are both married to footballers,

and Dawn goes, we'll be friends until the day we die, which means, of course, they are getting into a huge fight over the course of the season, and they will not be friends at the end. So I'm looking forward to that. By season, by episode five, they're done. The kiss of death is when anyone proclaims

how good a friendship is in the first episode. I'll never say a bad word about her. Uh-oh. Dun, dun, dun. When it comes to fashion, she's lucky to have me around. I'm like, really? Because you're wearing like acid wash mom jeans up to your tits. A sweater from the past.

Yeah, you're dressed like a day player on Growing Pains alright so then then we so sorry darling I'm trying to vape you're doing it wrong it's awful darling and I've got a cold too

anyway it's like men in charge of sydney no something like that uh i have to point out that they're drinking champagne in every scene because this show is like we're supposed to be fancy what do they drink shampers i mean everyone's every single scene they've got a glass of champagne and i'm like oh okay that's like a glass of trying too hard what are you exactly like coke like when don, oh, this better not be Prosecco. I'm like, you would know the difference. You're probably drinking some Heather Dubrow Methyl Champagnoise.

Colette. I'd love a glass of Colette. I'd love a glass of misbehavior. Oh, you're hilarious, Dawn. Tanya. Okay, now Tanya is like kind of the young bimbo one who's out of the group i thought i was gonna hate her at first but i actually really like her well her first scene is like modeling fake fur and like perfect little orb boobs that she insists are not fake because she's gonna go

to some she's like i'm the first i am i am the first i can't Jesus This action's all Truly all over the map She's like Oh alright I was the first non-celebrity To be on cover of FHM I'm like well I'm glad at least you acknowledge That you are a non-celebrity

Because there are a lot of people Who would use that as Their reason why They are a celebrity I sold the biggest issue Which was J-Love And then they show her cover And right next to her face

First of all This looks like it was 20 years ago no it was it said 2003 on it so it's 12 years ago when she was like posh spice and then next to her face it says women love giving head of course that's like your claim to fame well that's why she has a hot husband she too has a hot husband not as hot as leanne's though i don't i don't know how leanne better lock that down well not she's already locked down as hot as Leanne's, though. I don't know. Leanne better lock that down. She's already locked down as much as she can, but she better enjoy it while she has it, because there's no way that Leanne's hot

husband's going to stick with her dowdy ass. Well, I can tell you this much. Leanne, I think, is the most beautiful by far, naturally. She doesn't look all fake and weird. She's like a real pretty girl, but there's a sadness to her. I think she's already not happy. I think the sadness is that she realizes that she can't help but there's a sadness to her i think she's already not happy i think the sadness is that she

realizes that she can't help but dress like a 55 year old no matter where they turn into acid wash mom james it's like magic i'm gonna go lane bryant so um just moved back to cheshire from up from sunderland with my mom will they accept me I look like Katie Couric, but some people don't like that. They're afraid I might be smart, but I'm not. Welcome to town. I feel like she looked like skanky Rachel Ray.

That's good, yes. Bad move. Bad move a lot. Anybody? Anyone want some EVOO? I brought my trash bow. Her mom is helping her, and her mom is adorable. She's, like, all giggly and acts like her daughter just won the lottery, you know, getting this new house with this dude in this new place.

And she's like, darling, are we supposed to be unpacking? Is that what she said? Yeah. i rewound it like who do you think is gonna unpack me mom bloody fairies oh i was making your mom work that's i could not understand what the mom said this is what the mom sounds like to me i was like what she is like that and she just kind of giggles behind her the whole time. She's like, oh, here's the nose doctor doing your boobs, then. I thought that was the nose, man. Your boobs are going to smell funny.

Wait, I've got to bonk nostril because I picked my nose too much. They're going to take the nostril skin onto my boobs and make them bigger. Oh, yeah, that's definitely her. She's like, I gotta get a nose job because I love to pick my nose. Yeah. Range Rovers, horses, Porsche people. That's what Cheshire is. I'm like, oh, get out of here.

She's like, look at me. I'm Barnaco with a at me. I'm Barnacle. With a credit card. I'm crazy. I also get the feeling that there's only one street in the town. Because I feel like you just keep watching all these women walking up and down it with bags. Like, gonna go to the store today with big bags. And look expensive while doing it. All right, we're gonna walk back the other way now.

Oh, I wonder if they've got any chocolate around or any coffee or that bitch lawn ticket or. Oh, no. Don't forget to crack a window for mom like you do it darling you're doing great so then we meet champagne i wrote champagne because of course they're having fucking champagne in the scene okay leanne mom jeans and camel toe lunch with tanya tanya oh yeah because i guess she's friends kind of with the bimbo, and she's assuring her that no one's going to be clicky. She's like, but aren't the girls clicky? Do they accept girls from Sunderland?

And Leanne's like, well, you know, we're friends with girls, but sometimes we aren't friends with other girls, just ourselves. So you're clicky then? No, I wouldn't say that. We don't accept outsiders. So you're clicky then no i wouldn't say that just we don't accept outsiders so you're clicky then it's like well ampika owns a business so she'll be nice to you she's nice to everyone i'm pika's hilarious and then we get to ampika he's like all right welcome to monofilo yeah

she's like she's like i don't even hear i was like what i'm able i'm like did she just say she lives in hell bob does she live on the comet i don't understand what she said it's one of the most beautiful villages in cheshire i'm like what we live in the world they live in cheshire It's like she's underwater This kind of woman is never gonna Find a happy relationship Because she looks really angry She's still bitter for the last guy

And then she says things like this While she's kickboxing She's like a woman should be warned and done men should go the extra mile unless emergency you better answer my text in 10 minutes i got no time to wait around for you that's probably why i'm single i play with dolls and then i'm done with you i'll discard you like all my other faces that's why i'll have so many toys in the pool, because I discarded them into the pool. That pool is not actually water. It's just melted down

toys. I had neck subs. It was all about fast cars, pines, five-star restaurant, boob jobs. And then when I got a divorce, I became my own woman. I made my own money. And now, I'm interested in yours again

That sounds romantic I know, she just sounds awful And by the way, when she said When I got divorced, I wanted to make my own money I'm like, well, did you actually make that money Or did you just say you wanted to make your own money I've earned the settlement Of 20 million dollars

Into a bigger settlement And now I'm Mariah Carey. Now I'm earning money with the salon I bought with his. I call my salon Opium, which makes no sense if you think about it, but everyone here in Cheshire is too stupid to think about. Opium.

You know how you're addicted to getting your nails done? No? No? Nobody? Nobody? Nobody? Nobody? Oh, I'm Peter, darling. Sit down, darling.

You should really come to my new spot. It's called Bash Shots. Mesh. All the kids are doing it. She's like, I'm not going to take any crap from a man. I'll spit him out like a snake. And then she takes her son to the candy store. She's like, would you not going to take any crap from a man. I'll spit him out like a snake. And then she takes her son to the candy store. She's like, would you like anything else there, boy? And he's like, no, mum.

No, mum. No more candy for me, mum. After you discard that candy, you better discard it. Or what? A snake would spit it back at your butt After laying there for three days unable to move. Do you understand, kid? He's like, yes, mommy. Nigel, get to playing with your toys because it's going to be discard time soon.

And I think Don did the decorations in the salon because it's all like silver seats and odd things. Black, black shiny surfaces with pops of purple. It kind of reminds me of atlanta you know that first reality show before atlanta became a hotbed for reality it's like the first show in cheshire and you can tell because no one in town knows how to fake it yet like the gay guys in the store were falling over themselves and this one the people giving them a pedicure are just staring at them in the eyes like wow they're like massaging their legs and they're like, why? You're on TV right now. And I can see you also.

So then I think then is the next scene that Ampika and Lauren then go to the cryo sauna. Lauren, get ready for ball with Isilon and Ampika. You come out looking like Cinderella. That's the one frozen in a box, right? No. I love the idea of getting blashy with liquid nitrogen because anything that makes me look more like a diamond

makes me happy. We've got to do this before the bowl. No one wants to be fatter than the meningitis kids. That's just pretty embarrassing. fatter than the meningitis kids. That's just embarrassing. Gotta look good for meningitis. So this is the cryo tank, which, you know,

I don't know if you guys have remembered from every other housewife show that's ever been on, but they also did this frozen fat thing, I think on everyone, but my favorite was Real Housewives of Atlanta while Kim ate like Chick-fil-A while she got her fat frozen. No, hers a laser kim was with the laser we actually have a photo of that on our facebook page right now oh so good that's why my head well what was what what i

thought was crazy is that a woman just died three weeks ago in one of these cryo tanks because she did it alone and they say that she dropped her phone and she bent down to pick it up and when you bend down in them there's no oxygen and you pass out so when lauren's like oh can i put my face in it i was like you're an idiot you're about to kill yourself which is so way not to age apparently the only way in this town because i just wrote those faces don't do it oh my god don't do it save the faces it's wrong with these women because the women in the salon are like, How's what cryo-tunk means? You got the cryo-tunk?

And it freezes you from the inside? The ladies who were explaining it to them looked horrifying. They looked like Pixar, like melting Pixar things. They looked like they were out of a Terry Gilliam movie. Oh, so this is where he came up with Brazil. Okay, he went to the cryo place and saw the lady working there. I was like, okay. I'm like, didn't the mom from Who's the Boss play you once?

I can't bear the cold. Oh, yeah, that's the dumb one, Lauren. She's like, no, not Lauren. What's her name? Mpika. Well, Mpika hates the cold. No, the dumb redhead one. She's like, I can't bear the cold

This is the scariest thing I've ever done in my life Shut up I can't believe the fridge It's so cold here in Cheshire I've never experienced This sort of cold in Cheshire Oh I'm just in a cylinder

Filled with liquid nitrogen Never mind Where's this cryo tank's penis? I'll suck it And try and get a bracelet out of it. Does this mean that I'm in demolition, ma'am, now? Just showing these women's head popping out, and then we're about to get

this again on Beverly Hills, by the way, because we saw this in the preview of Yolanda sticking her head out. They're all like, my face may look funny, but I don't got lungs. It doesn't care anything. Shut up. More talk of Magali. That's everything. Because I was going to see Magali, but I'm not so sure

if Magali is there anymore. I'm going to just have the Magalitists on my own table next to other people. Prior to Toys to Scad. And then the bar comes up. The creme de la creme. And her.

The best meningitis in the world. And Don, again, is like, this is the most stressful thing I've ever done in my life. You don't understand what it's like having the dreaded job of seating over 600 people. Like, where are these 600 people? You sit them behind a fucking curtain somewhere. Because I know there aren't going to be 600 people there.

And they bought their own tables so they can sit themselves. I don't know where they were, but it was like 20 people in this party. And she has her daughter. So then they showed her daughter, Darby, is in a girl band. Or they just created a little girl band Of like the local Cheshire girls And they're singing up there They're singing some

You know their little slutty girl band outfits And yes I am slut shaming them And I don't care Because they're in England What they can do about it So I'm a baby's manager Because you want to see your kids succeed She's getting the opening number

At the creme de la creme. And then they show her and she's like. I'll do the other girls singing with her. Okay. Men and joy won't get me down. Won't get us down unless you want to get us in your car. Won't get us down unless you want to get us in your car. Ah-ha. And ladies of London is like, perfect, we'll buy it, put it in a can and send it over.

Girl power. Nothing like using a fucking illness that your child had to not only have a ball that's all about yourself, illness that your child had to not only have a ball that's all about yourself but then to give your daughter the opening number and her whole girl band what the hell is this show it's for the meningitis how is that going to help anything if anything get me the meningitis darling just move those bitches off the stage well um so then mcgully to Charity Case Band. Well, then, meanwhile, Magali, who's been in her backyard the entire episode. She's still hitting soccer balls with her head. Yeah, she's like, well, you know what? If they're not, you know, I want to support Charity, you know,

but if they ain't going to be nice to me, they're going to be rude. Then I'm not going to support Charity. So I'm going to stay home. I'd rather eat bonbons and have croissant. You know? I don't understand this, Don. I call the Don and they don't tell me. Oh, this, this, this, blah, blah, chop, chop, chop.

I've never heard so many fa-fa-fa in my life. You don't behave like that. You snap, snap, snap, shake it off. Which I cannot shake this off, you know? I'm trying to support charity. By asking for charity. How else do you do it? It's like going to a gas station, and then you say, can I have gas? And the gas station yells at you.

I can't go to anything like that. She tells me to shake it off. I can't do that. Every time I hear Taylor Swift, I'm like, no, you shake it off. How am I supposed to shake it off? Is it complimentary shaking? I would shake it off, but I do not want to pay $1.99 for that download. If you're Taylor Swift, fa-fa-fa, Taylor. Yeah, all this shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, off, but I do not want to pay $1.99 for that download. F you, Taylor Swift. Fa fa fa, Taylor.

Yeah, all this shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. How about this? You shake it off. I shake it on. I'm Magali. Magali. You shake it off. You better not shake it on. You know what? You know what? I'm supporting you. You don't shake me off, Taylor Swift.

I'll tell you who's Swift. I am Swift. When I get mad, you don't want to get in my way. I'm Swift. I'm Swift. So good. Taylor Swift. I'll tell you who's Swift. I am Swift. When I get mad, you don't want to get in my way. I'm Swift. I'm Swift. So good. Taylor Swift or Sweeper? So will she or won't she? Will McGonaghy come? Like, anyone cares, really. Well, I was amused because Don is like, I don't...

Face cards, stressful, stress, stress, stress, stress. And then her Brenda Blethen friend is like, Well, Don, stress, stress, stress. And then her Brenda Bluthen friend is like, well, Dawn, don't you think you could be the better person and invite my guy, Lee? She's like, well, I'm not going to make the phone call. Oh, I'll do it. Not on my phone.

All right, I'll use my own phone. I'll be the bigger person if you're the bigger person on my phone. Does that count? Oh, that's wonderful, darling. You're the bigger person. Actually, technically, you're the bigger person on my phone. She's like, oh, that's wonderful, darling. You're the bigger person. Actually, technically, you're the bigger person. Well, that's true. Only inside then, darling.

No, I think you're actually on the outside. You're the bigger person. I'm being quite literal. So then... Magali picks up at home with her husband. She's like, hello. Welcome to the I'm sorry line. Say you're sorry after beep. Beep. She's like, Hello! Welcome to the I'm sorry line. Say you're sorry after beep. Beep. She's like, Hello, Magola!

This is the lady, Prenda Blethen, working at the ball. I seat 600 people. And then Dawn just pulls it out of her hand and she's like, Oh, Magola, here's the deal. If you want to come, you can come. You're welcome, alright? If don't, just be quiet, alright? But if you want to come, just come, alright? And then Magola's like,

Oh, no, I need apology. We must talk about this darling busy 600 people yeah and then my guy's like and then at one point she's like but my galley my galley but my galley oh my galley my galley and she just hangs up and my Magali's like, well, I think she apologized. I think her heart is, I think it's a fresh start. I'm like, what? And then Magali does an impersonation. She's like, don't call me. And she say, don't, don't, don't, blah, blah, blah. Don't, don't, don't. Party, party, busy, busy.

And I say, don't, you need to know something. And she say, children, it's for children. And I say, shesha. Shesha. to know something and she said children it's for children and i say shisha shisha sorry is hardest word for elton john to say hold me closer tiny dancer and the husband's like uh so are we going to party she's like i don't know i don't know if i forgive i'm'm like, your hair's already done, bitch. Yeah, exactly. You're sitting there with your hair down.

Get out of here. She's like in her full ball gown like, I don't know. I don't know. He's like, well, because I got something from Blockbuster Video. You better not un-Blockbuster. Okay, so old lady prom I wrote. Yes. That's exactly what.

There was like Mylar everywhere. Okay, so old lady prom I wrote. Yes, old lady prom. That's exactly what it was. There was like Mylar everywhere. This is like a quinceanera, but instead of 15, it's like 50 teen. It's like you stopped counting, Dunning. You just put on a cheap dress that's shiny and has a bunch of flowers and that odd flesh material that's supposed to look like skin. So Lauren's on a mission. She wants to match someone for Ampeka. She's like, Ampeka's looking so hot, you know.

I'm gonna find her a man. I'm gonna get a man for Ampeka. She'll be good as if chocolate and coffee. This is discard toys. I like men. I like them a lot. I like men who are like a foreign choice you don't understand why they're so expensive and they can't control their foreign and smelling

but you keep swallowing a many wife and earrings am i right so then and everyone just was sitting there and then ampika's like i wrote ampola i don't know where that came from but ampika's like well i'll trust because lauren will probably get me a young handsome slapping man and lauren meanwhile is picking out the oldest like riches yeah so good i know and then so they're all sitting there and then there's like some speeches you know and then they're like i'm gonna have to notice that um that i'm i'm picking here yet and like oh where's mpk i don't i don't want to pick it here and just got my toes for mpk and then mpk shows up and the music gets so serious this is what the music is like the music

is like it's like a whole like super super super star wars isn't it no it's not but that's what the music sounded like although i wrote darth vader has arrived that's what she said totally what it sounded it was like Oh is that why she said Oh yeah the young girl was like It's like Darth Vader Alright No one knows who his son is yet Will they with Darth Vader

Accept me into Shesha She's like She was so committed to the Darth Vader Darkness Even her skin was dark It's like oh no it's a black lady Oh really I i never seen one days before and one of them said before she walked in they were like well we were sitting around

having a laugh having a good time and i was like that's why they have showed zero zero minutes of this scene because you're having fun and And it's like... Hello. You better not unfollow me, Luke. May the force be with me. May the force be with me. If you'll give it a free ticket. Because I'm not going

to pay for a ticket for the force. It'll be the free ticket I bought'm not going to pay for a ticket for the force. It'll be the fit ticket I bought. Luke. Luke. I am your... Luke. Luke. I have your free tickets.

Father. Are you Luke's father? I wanted to give you a blowjob in return for a lightsaber. Macaulay, you ain't gonna blow up a little planet are you? You're not gonna do that Magali are you? Magali, you look a bit like Jabba the Hunch. Darwin.

Sorry. Magali, stop strangling Darwin from across the room with your force. Magali, you've given Carrie Fisher a drug addiction. Magali, you're missing Natalie Portman, are you? She broke your heart, right? So what, Magali? I wrote, uh, uh, charity case kid band band you can't even toe touch i was like really this girl cannot even toe touch in time with the other girls come on now

yeah i mean it made me pine for the days of lol from game of. LOL, who's laughing now? These girls were like, it was funny because there basically was no audio and they're like, Get in the meningitis, the meningitis. Don't say no to it. Get in the time. And then Don is like, There's no bass.

The bass is too loud. I don't like any of this. It's terrible. Sorry about it. They're ruining the, for me, there's no bass. The bass is too loud. I don't like any of this. It's terrible. Sorry about ruining the, for me, the meningitis party. The problem with being a manager of your own child is that when they mess up, you can't just go home and remind them that they stopped support for meningitis and their little sister's going to die there. Unless, of course, they mess up in him,

then we're already there. Oh, meningitis band. That killed me. It's the bass. It would have been better with the bass. Like, no, it wouldn't have. It would have been better if you turned off the mic and just had them, like, interpretive dance,

like, and make it so that they're not supposed to toe touch together. Yeah. Don't choreograph. All right, right darling just walk around in a circle all right all right clap for men in charges good job oh goodness well golly comes in and they're really bitches to her they're really mean and you can tell that mcgawley is a tough batch but yeah she actually knows a lot of these women from before and she's like why is everybody icing me out and then everybody's being really mean to her which is not cool like don't make me be on this bitch's side because i totally

am already right same and then they pull over boring as hell leanne he's like i've got to say something to mcgully because dawn's my best friend and you'll never hear me say nothing bad about her ever. And so she's like, Magali, what's the problem with the tickets? She's like, I bought ticket. I gave ticket to people because I thought I got the other ticket. Misunderstanding. Oh, well, really? Why don't you tell me?

Why don't you tell me your side then? Oh, it's my side to the story. Oh, well, then why don't you write it down so i can read it and write a review of it on amazon oh i don't have to yes you do i'm like but awfully and jesus yeah what do you like that i know she was the entire time out it was like she's like i didn't want to get involved i'm like you realize you just pulled this woman aside and specifically asked her all this information. You actually put yourself in it, you stupid.

Just go back to your hot husband. And you're supposed to be her friend from before all this because Magali's like, oh, it was weird seeing a different side of Leanne because she has never treated me like this. So I don't know what is up her mom, Gene, but I'll tell you this much. You don't crack on Magali because you better uncrack it. What? I think I'm... You've got to war tell you this much. You don't crack on Magali, you know, because you better uncrack it. What? When you go to war, the best thing ever. I'm going to make a bumper sticker of this.

Magali. When you go to war, be sure of what you know you go to the war for. You know? I get it. Oh, Magali. Oh, Leanne. Leanne had a bad pancake that morning. That's why, Leanne. Leanne had a bad pancake that morning. That's why.

Leanne. She's like, I watched my husband eat a pancake silently and leave. He didn't even say bar. Now what about your tickets? It's like, oh, my God. Take your sadness and put it at home. I don't need it at this bar. Isn't it bad enough we've got off-key bad toe-tapping and meningitis children?

Clear her. Clear. Clear the commoner. Be nice to Magali, darling. That was fun. Fun, fun episode.

It's crazy. I can't wait to see how our accents evolve because those are some hard-ass accents and I haven't heard it enough to be able to do anything reliable except to make weird noises. And I actually watched this a couple days ago, so I didn't get like a fresh, you know, whatever you call it. I didn't like refresh my brain. So the only one I really remember, I kind of remember Magali

and I really remember the redhead because she's hilarious. I've been talking like that ever since I watched it. I like the questions. Do you know what it's like in the questions? I like walking down the street. Everything's a question. She's amazing. The whole thing is...

Most many blowjobs you can give. I'm just... You know, it's funny, though. My lasting impression of the show is that it was so garish to look at, all the bad colors, that I just... It's like...

It's like I'm clenching my eyes. But I'm looking forward to it. There'll be, excuse me, I had a little burp. I had a little Magali burp. But it's going to be, it'll be a good season, good addition. Well, right now it looks like they're just basically stealing every storyline from every other housewives and cobbling it. But I think that that's just the seeds. And then they'll grow into their own bitch flowers as it goes because even the next episode looks hilarious

like the one i think is the silly red-headed bimbo hoe is really the snottiest one you know she's like hey i want to start school and everyone's someone says that's in a flag right there tanya i think it's tanya who says she's like's like. That's like next week. I love it. Yeah. It's going to be. So this show could be on at the same time as Melbourne. Because that's shooting right now. Oh, wow.

Crisiness. Getting Melbourne and this one in at the same time. Oh, my God. People are really going to have headaches by the end of this. So many accents. So many. I just barely got a handle on the ladies of london ones without going into australian and now this could be a disaster but anyway um everyone thanks for

listening um you can follow us on facebook facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends we have all sorts of amazing stuff we're really looking forward to our um watch what crappens we have all sorts of amazing stuff we're really looking forward to our um watch what crappens mailbag episode for thanksgiving um and uh patreon.com forward slash watch what crappens and watch what crappens.com for all our social media and david david david david happy thanksgiving and i'm excited. If you're listening on that week. Yeah. I'm thankful for David's fidelity. This turkey got stuffed. Lucky turkey, huh? Huh, David?

I want a list of all the turkeys you've stuffed, David. David? David, I can't believe you took your mistress to the Boston Market where they serve turkey. So anyway, I'm going to go watch this Patti LaBelle review oh we were going to watch play this on the show but we're wrapping up oh my god please play it right now so this is a thing it's already gone viral by the time this episode

is released people probably already know about this so the backstory is that Patti LaBelle has these pies these sweet potato pies that are sold at Walmart. And this guy, according to the website, I guess this guy, I don't know his name.

Oh, his name is James Wright Chanel, who reviewed the sweet potato pie, and he loved it so much that everyone has now been buying them, and it's sold out everywhere. It's this year's hot commodity is the Patti LaBelle sweet potato pie. So here is his review. Greetings! So, I went to the store after I seen somebody post that Patti LaBelle pie.

I love Patti LaBelle. Shout out to Patti LaBelle, honey. I went and bought the Patti LaBelle. Shout out to Patty LaBelle, honey. I went and bought the Patty LaBelle pie. Looks good. Sweet potato Patty LaBelle. This is the Patty edition, honey. This is the on my own. Why did it end this way?

Nice. Yeah. Trina, I bought you a pie. You get this video. You said buy you a pie, bitch. I bought you a pie. Bitch, I bought you a pie pie. I bought you a pie So I'm about to slice this pie So I'm just thinking that buying this pie it's hard to get in this buying this pot it's hard to get in this motherfucker Patty does a show on the cooking channel right okay so it's just trying to get in remember support black people, black businesses.

Okay, so look. Oh, it's so pretty. Look at that. Looks good. On my own. Why did it end this way? He sounds great. Come on, Patty.

So let's taste the Patty. I'm going to taste Patty. Oh, Patty's so moist. Come on, Patty. Patty! I'm going taste patty Oh Patty so boys come on Patty Patty live make a video for those I said what it tastes like I never tasted so here we go here goes eating he's liking it oh he's going for a second bite he's not even saying what it is Patty does anybody know Patty the Bell

tag her in the video tag her in the video whoa yeah bitch I turned into Patty you turned into Patty after eating this mmm Patty how is it Patty. You turn into Patty after eating this. Mmm. Patty.

How is it that two people who laugh together and love together sometimes Ooh. Ha ha. Yes. Patty. When you've been blessed feels like heaven. Ooh. Ha ha. Yes. When you've been

blessed. Feels like heaven. Hmm. I can see why it's selling out of her. Cause he makes you want to eat it. What?

Oh, he's loving this. Oh. I swear. Oh, he's dancing. He's dancing now. That's it. And by the way, those those pies are three dollars and 48 cents that's crazy oh my god no wonder he's so excited that's a cheap pie yeah

and apparently it's being sold on ebay wait i gotta look up how much they're being sold for on ebay apparently they're being okay i'm on ebay apparently they're being sold for on eBay. Apparently they're being... Okay, I'm on eBay. Apparently they're being sold at ridiculous prices. Patty... Oh, come on, eBay. Come on, eBay! Frown upside down sweet potato pie by Patty LaBelle.

Patty! Patty LaBelle pie. All right. Like $25. I thought it would be like $100. $42, $43. Oh, for a pie on the eBay? Yeah, $40.

Pie on eBay? Yeah. And considering that the pie costs $3 and they're selling it for $40, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. It's with two of these roller skates. Yeah. $45. Good for you, Ted.

Well, on that one, we'll leave you enjoy your thanksgiving oh my god my neighbor's gonna think i'm crazy now um all right everyone bye hey prime members you can listen to watch or Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.