Watch What Crappens - #2401 Below Deck: The French Disconnection

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Chef is on thin ice on Below Deck (S11E12), but some lobster grilled cheeses could be his undoing. Plus, sexytimes on the boat for some but not others. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Winter Is Crappening ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondry's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crap In, a podcast about all our crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Karam.

Hi Ronnie, how's it going? So good. It's below deck day, so I hired people to come over and vacuum so we just feel right at home. It's perfect. Yeah. If you hear that, that's such a subtle, quiet noise. But if for some reason, someone picked, if you pick up on it, it's an actual vacuum that's happening. That's what's happening. We're recording a little earlier today and we just didn't reschedule life enough. But I figured it was fitting for this show, you know, little cleaning action. There it goes.

for this show, you know, little cleaning action. There it goes. It's totally fitting. Yeah. So real quickly, next week, our Netflix is a joke festival is starting next week, which is really snuck up on us. We're doing our show at the Cookeboro Lounge in Hollywood. And we have decided to do something a little different, which is that we are going to do our very first ever live dwell hello episode. Dwell Hello is the, are the episodes we do exclusively for One Drew Plus, that we recap House Hunters episodes. House Hunters, House Hunters International, my mom recently put in a request for the million dollar lottery show where David comes in

and pushes people into buying houses. But either way, we do house hunters episodes and we have so much fun with them and we think it would be a really fun thing to do for Netflix as a joke. We'll hopefully have some visuals that we can all look at these houses together, make fun of them, make fun of the choices. We always have fun time recording Dwell Hello,

and in fact, we have a Dwell Hello that we will be recording this week, so keep an eye out for that, and ear in and eye out for it. And then of course, tickets are at watchcrapins.com, and we are going to Europe later in May, so come join us in London, Birmingham, or Dublin. So that's that for that,

and let's talk about some below deck, shall we? Yeah, I'd just like to first thank the cheer mom at the cheer weekend I just spent for just giving me so much life. These cheer moms are fucking insane. Have you ever been to a cheer event? Thankfully, no. Oh my God. I mean, I've been to a bunch of them and they're all cuckoo craic, right? It is, especially here in Texas, it's so funny seeing these gigantic monster trucks, you know, that we have here. You've seen, you've seen them before. Literally the parking spaces, you can lie down in the parking spaces.

They're so huge. They're like a king sized bed for those trucks. And there's these big trucks and then these burly guys get out of them with like, handlebar mustaches and they're dressed head to toe in pink sparkles for their kids' cheer. It's so cute and so funny. It's just a different world. Okay, so I'm watching my niece and the team that went before her. One of the moms is crazy and she runs up to the front of the stage and she starts doing the cheer with them and it's this big woman, you know, with clothes that don't fit her and she's jumping up and she's like, and then we did it, we did it, and we turned around, and she's like jumping up and trying to like swing. I mean, it's the craziest

shit I've ever seen. And everyone's just sitting there like, that's totally normal, it's Patty. You know, it's just Patty losing her damn mind, learning all the choreography and living her dreams through her child. Totally normal, Patty. Totally fucking normal. Thank you so much. I did, of course, take video. I cannot post that video because that's wrong to do. Like take secret video of people and post it. But I am keeping that video for the rest of my life.

And anytime I'm sad, I'm pulling that shit out. And I'm going to remember you, Patty, because wow. Maybe she'll show up on House Hunters one day. pulling that shit out and I'm gonna remember you, Patty, because wow. Maybe she'll show up on House Hunters one day. What would happen if you accidentally- And you're taking one, house one. You're taking house one, yeah. Open concept, open concept. And then one of the girls got dropped on that team,

like they were doing the, you know, they throw them up in the air and then they have to catch them and one of them fell. Like she, one, I think one doing the, you know, they throw them up in the air and then they have to catch them. And one of them fell. Like she, I think one of the, because you know, they put the bigger girls on the bottom. Also it's very fat shaming cheer what they do. They put the girls who were built like brick houses on the bottom, like you're just here to lift people?

That fucking sucks, you know? So it's like there's big girls, which is nice to see because there's like a different variety of bodies and stuff like that. So that's actually nice to see. It's not like the stereotypical view of it, like in our day. And it actually is nice to see, but it's like, come on, like, why don't you just have them out here

building a brick wall? You know what I mean? That's just so rude. So anyway, they dropped one of the girls and I thought Patty is going to kill that girl. Patty is going to ground that girl up into a hot dog and have her fed to the wolves for being dropped. Yeah.

Yeah. You can't do that in cheer. No, that's terrifying. That would get you booted off the team in my book. Yeah. I think that's a failure. Bueller has been booted off the team in my book. I think that's a failure. Bueller has been booted off the cheer team. You were off the cheer team. You fell.

How could you fall? And you did it. So this somehow has something to do with blow deck. I don't remember how we got on this topic. It really did. You know what, where else am I gonna talk? I don't know anybody here. Except my parents and my sister and my nieces. Like, who else am I going to date?

I didn't think it was weird. I had to tell you, you're the only person. I told Bueller he didn't give us, look at his reaction. He's literally yawning. So you guys get to hear it. Sorry. Okay. So Blue Deck, season 11, episode 12, Anthony is looking for an ice cream scoop. Yes. This is the cliffhanger from last week. Will he find an ice cream scoop? Cause that this is the cliffhanger from last week. Will he find an ice cream scoop? Because that's the sort of show that this is. Like it's the only show on TV

that could have us waiting an entire week to find an ice cream scoop. So he's looking, he's like, oh, mommy never told me what ice cream scoop is. And Fraser's like, where does your stuff go? Why is it disappearing? This sty, this disgusting galley. Where does your ice cream scoop go? Why don't you put it back in the drawer where it belongs every time?

Fraser the gaslighter is just like, he can't find an ice cream scoop. He's legitimately lost his mind. I've called a psychologist to come on board and have him dragged away to the pits of hell, wherever they take psychologically unstable people without ice cream scoops. So he finally finds it, which is like on the table. And I had a very similar thought, which is like, I'm sure Fraser was hiding that scoop behind his back the entire time. And then the moment Anthony wasn't looking, Fraser just puts the scoop back on the counter. I wouldn't be surprised. So it's the sort of like perverse psychological game that Fraser would do just to get by.

He's like, well, it's either do this or listen to Bobby prattle on about who knows what. So I think I'm gonna play mind games with the chef. Uh. So he sends up his chocolate lava cake. Now listen, if you're getting in a lot of trouble for slacking off, don't make lava cake. You know lava cake is uncooked cake, right?

Like we all know that that's where lava cake came from. It was an undercooked cake that someone just happened to like. So now they call it lava cake. That's a lazy person's cake, guys. Lazy cake, lazy cake. It was like they took out the Z and the Y and changed it with a V and an A and made it lava, but it's still lazy. And also those cakes are like my letter joke. I do. And it's also just that he conserved something in another fucking ramekin or round shaped.

Something circle shaped. Yeah. The other thing is though that lava cakes, I've never made one I I've actually always wanted to, but I hear that they're actually surprisingly very difficult because, you know, if they're too loose, they don't hold their structure and if they're too firm, they're not lava-y, they don't flow. So they're actually hard. So I'm like, you're probably just going to set yourself up for failure. Anyway, just by inherently making a lava cake. You know, just a general lava cake, the best one I've ever had. Domino's.

You're bomb. Really? It's incredible. It's really, really good. I love a lava cake. I actually get very upset. I mean, they've really brought corn syrup into it, which I think just saves it.

It saves the industry. It really does. The lava cake. I actually become a little persnickety when my lava cake doesn't flow, because then I'm like, what's the point? Now I'm just having a mound of generic chocolate cake. Because if it's flowing, it's like delicious and special

and just the best thing ever. But when it doesn't flow, it's like, you failed me. You failed me restaurant. And you don't want to be a just lava cake because I feel like you look at it and you're like, fuck you lava cake. And then you just eat it resentfully. I'm like, nobody wants to be swallowed like that.

Just being masticated in a disapproving bed way. I wouldn't want to be masticated like that. Look, no one cares about volcanoes if they're not flowing, right? If you go, you're like, oh, guess what? That volcano, that volcano bitch, the paddy volcano, yeah, it's going off in Iceland again. We're flowing, we're flowing, you're like, Oh, guess what that volcano, that volcano, bitch, the patty volcano. Yeah, it's going off in Iceland again. So you go to Iceland and then we're flowing, we're

volcanoes and we're flowing. Imagine you get so excited to go you fly to Iceland to take footage of this volcano with lava streaming down and you get there. And it's like the lava is all just now solidified. It's just another just volcano sitting there. It's just not the same. No, it's not the same until your entire village gets burned because it goes off again.

And we're like, oh, we just built a home goods here. That's crazy. I cannot believe that the volcano home goods just got burned in a volcano. So crazy. I think we should never have let Patty propose where to put the next home goods. Patty would stand in front of the volcano just doing jumps and splits in the air. You're like, we're here to see the volcano, Patty. Okay?

No one's here for you. Fucking your child that you're... You wasted your youth, Patty. Let it go. Fucking poor Patty, let it go. Fucking poor Patty, literally. Okay, so you can't drop the cheerleader because you know what, if you drop the cheerleader could wind up going down into a volcano. I feel like that's what happened to Patty. She was the girl who

dropped the cheerleader and her life is never the same again. And so now she's trying to do over just by having kids at truck stops. She's shoving into these competitions. Come on, kid. If you're real good, I'll take you to the volcano in Iceland. If there's anybody who's given birth in a Bucky's parking lot, it's Patty. I'm just telling you that I recognized her. That little baby was swallowed in a sweatshirt that said something like, Jesus provides. I'd given a piece of fudge to non. So Anthony's like, oh, this day is not good. I fought a Blanche and dinner.

I feel like heartbreak inside. To make amazing food, I need to feel very happy. And I am very sad. So my food sucks. No, your food needs to be good even when you're sad. Okay? So what the fuck is this? Stop, stop with this.

I just already spent my summer house recap telling this generation to fucking buck up and stop sobbing. I don't care that you're sad. I don't care that your childhood sucks. I need better mac and cheese, bitch. We also, sorry, I think the, did you hear the vacuum turn off right when I screamed a bitch? I hope they don't know, but I'd like, I like that. Just that extra bit, that extra bit of venom.

But I think we all know the best chefs are deeply sad, right? I mean, how many episodes of top chef do we have to watch where someone's like, yeah, man, I was addicted to heroin and I don't know. I spent years going around Denmark, living out of a van, cooking herring and getting tattoos. Cooking herring. That's why I've got a herring tattooed on my ankle.

Look, I like angry chefs. I feel like chefs are angry. I don't need a depressed chef. I don't wanna eat your depression. I wanna eat your anger. Like that's filling, you know what I mean? Depression a depressed chef. I don't want to eat your depression. I want to eat your anger. Like that's, that's filling. You know what I mean? Depression is not filling.

I mean, you just, this empty calories depression. But yeah, anger, I think chefs are good angry. I don't think they're good sad. Like, I don't think, they don't give up. Like you're supposed to be like, yeah, I was a heroin addict and I have five children that I left in Alaska, but I'm going to cook the best meal just to prove my art." You know, there's like something to prove where Anthony's just like,

I'm so sad, so I don't do anything good. Like, no, that's, you're fired. And I've been sticking up for you the whole season, but at this point, if you're going to blame bad food on trauma, I can't. Trauma should be growing beautiful flowers. Okay? Look what it did for me. Yeah. And the truth is that on Top Chef, anytime a chef becomes sad, because they miss their child, because it's always the child and like the spouse.

It's always like, I just, I really miss like Salt Shaker. She's just like so beautiful. And like, I just, she's my inspiration every day. It's like you're going home. You cried over your child that you named Salt Shaker. Yeah, exactly, bye. that you named Salt Shaker. Yeah, exactly. Bye. Go back to Salt Shaker.

She doesn't even care. She's in kindergarten. So Fraser goes up to Barb and goes, darling, I'm really, really proud of you. And she's like, thanks. He's like, stupid. She doesn't even understand sarcasm. And then he basically goes to bed

and he's like, one hot mess of an evening. So the guests are changing. And- And Graham is just like, we got internet, I'm going on Grindr. I need Grindr, Grindr, Grindr. Could you imagine? This is why I don't go on Grindr.

You need to feel the intensity of this person. If you just saw a still on Grindr, you'd be like, oh, great. And then you get this showing up at your house. I need to see you in action. I can't just have you showing up after a still. Yeah, I don't need a cracked out llama in a bikini brief. Fucking method bleached head, crazy face, showing up at my door.

Okay. No. Um, so basically it's late at night and they're all partying and the primary, the husband, uh, his name is Ray. I called him like King or husband for half to half of my notes, but his name is Ray and um, he's like, uh, you know what I want right now? I want some lobster and Barbie's like, like, well, the chef's asleep, but I can make something. I'm just not a very good chef.

Would you be interested in Diet Coke? I was taught how to make good ones with those recently. And they're like, well, what about fries? We love French fries. Like, yeah, I don't really know how to make French fries from scratch. How about Ritz crackers? Do you like Ritz crackers? These guests, seriously?

It's two in the morning and you're asking for lobster? No. And then when she says no, Carmen's like, ah, ah, oh, like, sorry. I know that you guys have seen below deck on TV. You've never seen that. So give me a fucking break. Get over yourself.

These guests are monsters. They suck. They are monsters. They suck. They are. They are monsters. Well, it's weird because I feel like they seem like in some ways like really fun, sweet people and then, but then I feel like they're just trying to test the limit of what they can order because you see the way they downgrade immediately from like, how about some lobster at 2 a.m.?

Like, sorry, we can't do that. How about fries? They just go from lobster down to fries. And like, you know, I have to say, it feels like there should be some like, or right of French fries in the freezer that they can just, that Barbie can put in the oven and bring out to them.

Like not even deep fried, just like, there should be a late night French fry option. I'm sorry. There should be. Well also, and I'm mostly saying this because of the lobster, because they were like, no lobster, which I thought was ridiculous. Now, as far as other stuff, okay, asking for snacks isn't that crazy and they're not monstrous for

that. But what is this thing with we don't wake up the chef, wake up the fucking chef? Yes, you do. I don't wake up the chef. He's done nothing but serve shit in circles and he needs to be woken up at this point. He's fucked up enough times that they need to be waking up Anthony. I don't know where this whole like, we protect our chefs. No you don't, you throw your chefs to the wolves and you ruin their careers and their lives.

You're below deck. He stayed up to like four in the morning sweeping the other night. He can wake up. So then the lady, Carmen's like, ma'am, you're telling me you don't know how to make fries. And Barbie's like, hmm, what about sandwiches? Like some hot sandwiches?

Which is by the way funny, when Barbie says sandwiches, she almost sounds like she's saying sandwiches. I had to go back several times, and they're like, were you saying sandwiches? Did you just mean me? I thought it was a specific kind of sandwich, because she was saying sandwich. She's like, you want a sandwich?

You want a sandwich? A sandwich. That's cute. I was like, maybe just me. Oh, I thought it was like a- I can make a sandwich. I'm going to look it up because it sounded like she was actually saying, do you want a sandwich?

And I thought, oh, I wonder if that's like a slang for something. Let me see what it is. Sandwich. I wanted a sandwich, but asked for a sandwich instead. Sandwich versus sandwich. I've pronounced the word sandwich wrong ever since I can remember. I only realized it last year when a friend mentioned, oh God, now let me, oh God, it's a whole article.

You guys, this is like a four, two page article. Is this like in Slate? Like things I learned when I was saying sandwich. Apparently it's a common mispronunciation within the Italian American community in Jersey, New York, Canada, and also some Spanish speakers. So there you go. Oh, there we go. Yeah, who knew?

Sanguich. Apparently I say costume incorrectly. Like I guess you say it's supposed to be costume. But I always say costume. Costume, yeah, I say costume too sometimes. You say water incorrectly. You say wo-der. Wo-der. Well, I'm not incorrectly. That's I say costume too sometimes. You say water incorrectly, you say wooder. Wooder?

I'm not incorrect. That's how we say it here. Just differently accented. Wow. Yeah, you're not wrong. Differently accented. You're not wrong just because you're incorrect. I'm sorry, as far as I can tell,

New York was probably a pioneer in water commentary. Water. New York was probably a pioneer in water commentary. Water. Well, you guys have been bragging about your water for long enough that you should all know how to pronounce it. It's like the biggest New York brag ever. We have the best water. We have the best water. Yeah, you guys love your tap water.

Okay, so Fraser, so I'm sorry. So Barbie is like, you know, anytime anyone tells Barbie to do something, she gets massively offended. In this case, Carmen is being like, she's like, you better have some shit that I fucking like. But I couldn't tell if Carmen was like, was she joking or was she just being really rude?

I couldn't tell. I felt like she was being really rude, but there was part of me that was like, maybe she's joking and the producers have just like stripped out all the context so she looks like a monster. Well, I mean, I know I called them monsters already but now thinking back on the episode,

they pissed her off a lot. So at this point I feel like she's justified. I feel like Rey isn't as much, I'm still kind of annoyed with Rey and I was on his side mostly with the Branton argument, but I'm still like side eyeing Ray, like to be honest. And to ask for lobster at two in the morning, I think is ridiculous.

Also because she's the sports agent, not you Ray, you know? So like Carmen, I accept a little more, but Carmen's whole thing, she keeps saying, I'm the primary and you're gonna tell me you don't have fries. Well, she doesn't have fries for the non primaries either. Like, but yeah, I mean, I still stick with, they should just wake up the chef. Yeah, they should because they're obviously these people are upset and they want something

that's not a circle. Cause you know, by the way, maybe don't wake up the chef because he's going to serve them circle fries. He will be like, Oh, I give them potato cut with circle. Barbara's like, very rude. That's not cool. We're here to serve you, but this is so extra. These charter guests are batshit crazy.

I hope they choke on the sandwich. So, she's Barbie's like in the, she's trying to make sandwiches with Kyle and she really has no idea what's going on. She's like very confused. She's like, I mean, I grew up with nannies who cooked. I don't even know how to make a peanut butter and jelly. I'm like, girl, I love a highfalutin made. I love, I love being served a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from someone in a fur coat. You know what I mean? I love not knowing how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The recipe is in the name. So they give it the fancy dish treatment, you know, they like photograph it. They bring in like, and getties to photograph it. They did like the full like depth of field, like the top chef treatment. And it says Barbie's BLT with a cherry tomato and romaine garnish.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things.

Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane too. Can't wait to see it. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small and then it gets so big. Hey, honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit we're addicted.

Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now! From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Dis and Tell. Where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse.

Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. 50 high school senior girls descend on Mobile, Alabama every summer to compete for a massive cash prize. It isn't Survivor. It's one of America's most lucrative scholarship competitions for teen girls. It's been around for seven decades. Now you'll hear what took place behind the scenes.

From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondry, this is the competition. I'm your host, Shima Oliyai, and I was Nevada's contestant 20 years ago. Now I'm returning as a judge to find out what two weeks with 50 of the country's most ambitious teens can tell us about girlhood in America. What happens when the competitors are thrown

into the deep end with the best and brightest? And how does surviving the competition prepare them for everything that comes after? Follow the competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of the competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. So she brings it out and then she doesn't even bring a napkin to Ray. So anyway, they go to sleep and Kyle who's up and has been helping, is like, Barbie's totally different from the girls I went for in the past. She's so high strong and I'm vertical.

And then like, she's so high strong that she's like vertical and I'm so laid back that I'm horizontal. That's weird because she's got a hold on me. Vertical, horizontal, Brigadoon, things like that. And she's like, I definitely have feelings for Kyle, but it's like, kind of like a thing. Like I'm really not understanding why I'm feeling this way. I mean, like sometimes I'm like... Barbie is so made for reality TV the way she's like, she first came in and she's like, my storyline is going to be fighting with the chiefs dude.

Then she's like, I really don't like that story. I'm not really winning in that storyline. I'm gonna have a romantic storyline now. Just like get so into it. Yeah, so there we go. Now it's the morning and Dylan is gossiping with Sandy and Afrikaans. And he's like, well, Benny lectured me last night.

And I guess one of the crew members say that I'm not happy. And I want to talk, I'm sorry, Ben, I said, I wrote down Betty, but I meant Ben is now talking to Sunny in the crew mess. And he says, well, I want to talk to Dylan Underpants this morning, which I guess that's his nickname, Dylan Underpants, because he's telling people, oh, Sunny's only lead deckhand because she's fucking Ben. Like, excuse me, are you at the Boston here? You're really going to like, you're trying to have a cohesive team and you're just going to, you're going to breed this like toxicity in your team. It's not good what Dylan said. It's not an,

it's not saying we have to protect Dylan, but you're just going to make Sonny feel like shit about her promotion and make Sonny get mad at Dylan. Like, that's not how you build your team up. Yeah. Yeah, he's bad at this. So she's like, well, he needs to take a seat because we had a relationship before he became the boss in. So there I was like, yeah, but he still promoted the person he's fucking. I don't know. That doesn't really, that really doesn't win, but Dylan gets so gross about it

that I'm swinging back to sunny side on this one. I'm never not on her side. I mean, it's not her fault for taking the job, but you know, I don't know, still. Dylan was pretty gross about it. Yeah. Like, I understand why he may have felt frustration because he felt like, oh, I know more.

Like, I know more. Like I know more. It feels like she's only gotten this position because she has a tighter relationship. But he was pretty gross in the way he said it last week. Oh, if I had a vagina, then I would have gotten it. It's like, ooh, let's not be like a pig about this situation. And she's like, and besides,

it's not just the boss's decision, it's the captain's decision. So stay in your lane. Oh, well, does the captain know you guys are fucking? Cause that might, just throwing it there at that. I mean, if we're going to keep it in there, that's part of the decision making process.

Cause I still think it's fishy that Ben did that, you know? But again, that's Ben, that's not Ben, not necessarily. I think it's a strange decision. So then, but also at the end of the day, it's like the head broom, you know? So like, can we all calm down? It's like, by the way, you get to boss people around with a squeegee more. Do you understand? You have a head squeegee.

By the way, I just would like to say on Larian sick, you still kill Lariany Billy you dorm, which means of course I did know they kill Lerini. Biliyodorn, which means, of course, I did know they were fucking in Turkish. Oh, here's another thing. So this is kind of a spoiler. Well, I don't know if it's a spoiler because I haven't heard anything. I just saw a headline on Facebook.

So if anybody doesn't want to hear this, fast forward right now for 30 seconds. Go. Okay, so I read this Facebook group headline. I'm not even a member of this group, it just shows me whatever is in this group. And it says that Zandi didn't appear on Watch What Happens Live at the Last Second

because she leaves the show, which doesn't make sense. And this is a very clickbaity Facebook group and they're always posting, I'm only bringing it up because A, we can't lose Andy. I love Sandy. But B, every time you, I don't know what really happens because every time you click on the website, all of their ads are for skin disease.

Have you ever seen one of these websites? It's all ads that pop up and it's people with like white heads popping out of their face or like ripples of black heads up and down their skin. It's disgusting. It is the most disgusting shit I've ever seen and you can't click off of it. Like it traps you inside.

And so every time I'm like, oh, I wanna hear this Bravo news. I never know if it's real or not because it's all this skin disease shit. Have you ever seen it? Cause it needs to stop. I've seen those where it's like. I've definitely been on those sites where it's like,

I feel like it's like on CNN a lot, like you'll be reading an article and as you get to the bottom, you know you're at the end of the article because all of a sudden at the bottom, it's like an elderly lady holding up her arm and her arm has red blotches on it. It's like, has this happened to you?

I'm like, okay, well, I guess it's the end of the story. Yes, but it's a whole page and you can't, like it'll start staying in the center of the page. You know how when you scroll up, the ads will stay center, like it won't let you look? Oh, that's disgusting. And like they pick the most disgusting diseases to have. Anyway, please stop you guys,

because I don't know the ending. I don't know if that's true gossip or if it's just clickbait, because I can't stare at the skin disease, okay? Yeah, that would be wild, but it still doesn't make sense. If the first thing you said, if she does leave the show, it doesn't make sense why she would suddenly drop out of Watch What Happens Live.

Yeah, because this was shot like a year ago, right? Who knows, five, 10 years ago. So Dylan- Shelley Lonn was still on Cheers when this was shot, guys. It takes a while for these to come through the funnel. Rhea Pearlman's the next Trevor Guest. So what was I made for? I landed in New York and I was in the JFK terminal walking through to get out of the terminal and

that song was playing and I was like, could you not play something so fucking dreary at the airport? Like, welcome to New York City. I'm like, I don't, I'll tell you what I was made for. Get into my Uber. Can you put some, why can't, why can't you play like Aretha Franklin and George Michael? I knew you were waiting. That would actually be a really good song for the Uber area. It's like, I knew you were waiting. I knew you were waiting for me. Like the perfect taxi song. I think they should always just have the, uh, the build a Blasio taxi cab recording playing where it's like, welcome to New York City. I'm Mayor Bill de Blasio. We hope you're enjoying your time here, the sights and the sands of New York City. I did it all down when the river was deep. I still believed when the mountain was high.

That's Bill de Blasio doing a karaoke version of Aretha Franklin and George Michael. Anyone? Bueller? Literally Bueller. Um, so by the way, the river is deep. The mountain is high. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think as an experiment, and I encourage everyone to do this as well, the next time you get off of a plane, have that song queued up and just press play as you walk off the plane, I feel like it would be the most amazing experience to walk off a plane

listening to that song. Which one, respect? Do you know what song I'm talking about, by the way? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? No, I send out, what was it? It's the Bill de Blasio voice. I literally got like tired. I don't know how he was ever the mayor. The Aretha Franklin.

Of course I heard the Aretha Franklin. George Mike. Yeah, that's a, imagine pressing play the moment you step off an airplane with that song. Like that's probably an amazing getting off an airplane song. Think about it. Okay. Just try it.

I'll petition for that. I'm going to call it the Aretha George Michael airplane challenge. And it could become viral on TikTok. So Dylan is now talking to Zandy. He's still talking to Zandy. He's like, I'm in trouble about this whole thing about saying she only got it because of her vagina. And she's like, here's what you do.

You need to go tell, you need to say that you're sorry you said it and that you didn't mean it. And she's like, I want to smack him, but I still love him all the time. I still love that guy. He's like my little brother. So Paris wakes up and bonks her head against the bunk bed. And then Sunny is of course like really like she's frustrated and angry at Dylan. So she's being really frosty to him.

And then Fraser goes and checks in on Anthony and Anthony's talking about how he wants to make chili and mac and cheese today because there's going to be a beach picnic. So Fraser's like, well, I don't think it's going to be a smart idea to cook on the beach. Okay. Because guess what? No ice cream scoops on the beach. Can't find them there. So could you just cook it here and then we can throw it on the grill at the beach? And he's like, hmm, you live sad, you die sad. Is that a yes? I'm just saying depression is not just the river in Egypt.

All right. So can you cook here and throw it on the grill? What are you saying? What are you talking about? I'll do it for daddy. Okay then. Thank you. And then he says, yeah. And then he like nearly knocks a bowl over in the process of saying, yeah. And they show that footage like five times in the episode of him going, yeah, and then knocking a bowl. They really slammed him with like, here is the footage on why he should get fired. I mean, they were getting him with stuff I didn't think was very fair.

Like the guy not understanding what tuna tartar is, isn't really his fault, you guys. You know what I mean? And then they're like, and look at the bowl. The bowl almost happened. Yeah. Uh, The bowl almost happened. Yeah. Uh, the bowl almost happened. There was almost, that empty bowl almost fell onto the floor.

Yeah. They're like, get rid of him, kill him. Let's get him. So now the guests wake up and they, the special is an Eggs Benedict, which as we all know, Eggs Benedict, a classic version, is served with Canadian ham. And so I applaud that they are trying to not have a million orders by focusing everyone's

attention into the special. But why do a special whose main ingredient, one of the main ingredients, is something that the primary doesn't eat and you were not able to find a substitute for. Why would you do that? Also, why something named after the most disgusting person on the boat? You know what I mean? It's gross. Why after a famed American trader too, by the way? Exactly. So, Karma cracks me up because she's like,

revolutionary war. Anyone? Oh yeah. No, I was with you. Um, I, I watched the whole television show about that. It was so good. Patriot. Really good. Oh, what was that about Benedict Arnold? Well, it was about that time. It was about that war in general. Who's in it? Benedict had a part. I mean, it wasn't about him, but he was in it. He was a character. Was it Benedict Cumberbatch playing Benedict Arnold?

No, no, him I've done with fucking Benedict Cumberbatch. He really fell from grace with me with the second part of the Dr. Chevago in space or whatever his Marvel character is. Dr. Strange. Yeah. By the way, can we come up with better names for our superheroes than Dr. Strange?

It's a little on the nose. They're running low. Yeah, they're running low. It's a little on the nose. They're running low. Yeah, they're running low. It's a little on the nose, Doctor Strange. Who's gonna go see that doctor anyway, by the way? It's like, oh, I have this, you may have seen on the internet, I have this really bad skin condition.

I'm gonna go see Doctor Strange about it. Doctor Strange? Yeah. Oh my God, Ben, this summer we should go see Mr. Loves Dairy. That's me. I'm like, that's my super power. Mr. Loves Dairy.

I'll eat dairy any time of the day. Well, there is a show called Dairy Girls, but it's spelled D-E-R-R-Y. Yeah, that's different. British. Okay, so we're going there soon. European tour. Okay, so-

We're gonna be Dairy Girls. Listen, guys, the important part is, X Benedict Haveham. Okay, so. We're gonna be Dairy Girls. Listen guys, the important part is, X Benedict have ham. Okay, so Carmen, this is, Carmen I love, you know Carmen, her crew pisses me off, but I do like Carmen, because she says things like this. Okay, well I don't eat ham.

So can I have turkey or beef bacon or a crab cake? Where the fuck did crab cake come from? No, you can't just have a crab cake. Where the fuck did crab cake come from? No, you can't just have a crab cake. Crab cakes are something you just pull out of the fridge, okay? Like you're on a yacht, you're literally surrounded by all those crabs around. Crab cakes take time. Listen, here's why I don't think it's wild. Because a lot of brunch places offer crab cake Benedict.

They just have them. And so I think- Well, if it's on the menu, yeah, they've prepared crab cakes, but- But I think if you're on a super yacht, remember that woman who was on BloDeckMed one time, she goes, it's a super yacht. It's a super yacht.

Yeah, you made a whole remix of her. I made a remix. I literally watched that remix the other day. It's a super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super to find the video I made of Hilaria Baldwin as a stupid real housewife. It's not even a good video. It's like two seconds long. And it turns out I posted it on my own personal TikTok, which is why I couldn't find it. Anyway, I was scrolling through our TikTok and I was watching all the videos

that we'd posted over the years. And that one I watched, I think 10 times in a row. I was laughing so hard. But it's a super yacht. It's a super yacht. It's a super yacht. Yeah, I just found it the other day. I have no idea where the file is. And I was like, this was actually a real, I did a really good job with this remix actually.

It was so funny. I wish I had it. I would play it right now. Now we see the flashback. Okay, so Anthony, Paris tells Anthony, the chef, she's like, the promenade is asking if we have beef and duck bacon. And he's like, no, I asked, but they do not have it. And then we see a flashback of Frasier being like, duck bacon, we're not going to get that here, are we?

Okay. I understand duck bacon may be a tough request. I've never even heard of that. I've literally never heard of it. But turkey bacon. Literally never heard of it. But like turkey bacon, you can get everywhere. Yeah. Everyone's got a meemaw. There's a meemaw in every port that needs a turkey bacon

because that was my meemaw. Like, oh, your dad, your grand, your papa won't have another heart attack if it's just turkey bacon. I was like, that's literally the only thing you're changing in his entire diet. Like he's still drinking Crisco milkshakes. Like you can't just like switch out the turkey

and that's going gonna change everything. Yeah, I like literally, I'm sorry. I know we're in the Caribbean and we're on small islands, et cetera. But if the provisioners can provide literally all this other food, they can get their hands on some Oscar Mayer turkey bacon. And the fact that they just didn't even do that,

that's just so, I'm sorry. I'm on team Carmen for this one. Like sure, maybe the crab cake was like a wild request. I just, I don't think it's a, I don't think it's a out of left field request. Cause if there's- For me, it's just a timing thing. It's people who don't understand timing. It's like, you see the chef has already kind of a mess,

which is granted is not their fault. But the fact that it's just like don't understand timing. It's like, you see the chef is already kind of a mess, which is granted, it's not their fault. But the fact that it's just like 2 a.m. and they're like, I want lobster. No, that's not how lobster works. Or it's like, okay, eggs Benedict, so this somewhat difficult breakfast is about to come down the pike. You know, just make mine with a crab cake.

It's just, crab cakes don't come out of thin air. That's all I'm saying. But you know, he has been fucking up a lot. So imagine if they did, man, that would be a life crab cakes just coming out of thin air. The sequel to the story officer crab cake came out of thin air. I thought I was getting a chance of crab cake. I thought I was gonna hit it. Cloudy with a chance of crab cake. Cloudy with a chance of crab cakes.

Why do I have smokers laugh today? I'll tell you what came out in the air. My smokers laugh right there. I was just kidding. Hey, I found the Mega Yacht thing here. I'm gonna play it just for fun of it, because why not? Okay.

Burning Mega Yacht. I get it. Sorry. Burning Mega Yacht. Burning Mega Yacht. I get it. Sorry. Burning Mega Yacht. Burning Mega Yacht. I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I get it. Sorry.

I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht.

I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht. I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I'm a mega yacht.

I get it. Sorry. I'm a mega yacht. I get it. Sorry. I Megiyot again. Megiyot. That was terrible. This is not okay. I don't need pepsi. That was terrible. This is not okay. I don't need pepsi.

Megiyot again. Megiyot. That was terrible. I'm gonna stop. That's when it really takes off when it repeats the verse and she comes back in with, What's up, man? What's up, man? I die. I don't eat pets.

I feel like just listening to it as audio only, you don't realize how many times you hear Sandy say, I'm sorry. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. That was terrible. OK, enough self-congratulations. So, Crab Cakes, am I right?

Adithin Air. It's basically the new Cowboy Carter. It's like the original Cowboy Carter. Miley Cyrus and that woman are going to do a duet together. Oh. Commercials, here comes one right now. Okay, so Anthony claims to be a provisioner for not having turkey bacon. So he goes up and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry for turkey bacon,

but in the Caribbean I try to order everything, it's not available. And she's like, oh my God, you're forgiven. You're forgiven, okay? Just please be prepared with a stuffed donkey tonight for dinner. If we need it. Last second. And then it just cuts out to Captain Carrie

looking out over the ocean and going, well, there's a big vessel coming in. He might be further away though than I think. Adventure, adventure. So now it's time for a beach picnic. Okay, so Ben pulls Dylan aside for the talk. And he's like, so are he, you called Sony a stupid slut. And Dylan's like, well, I just said what I thought.

And the lead deckhand has to be a person leading the other two deckhands to let the detail and everything like that. And you know, I've got the experience in how this stuff works. Plus also I used to be fat and now I'm thin and I know how to wash the calories off of ham. And Ben's like, all right, well, you may know a lot more than Sonny, and I assume you do, but that's not, I don't just go off experience. All right. Now, yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah. That's, that's a terrible thing to go off in jobs. Glad you completely disregard that, Ben. You know what? When you're, when you're, when you're controlling a vessel that could possibly sink and kill everyone on board, it's good not to always rely on experience. For sure.

And I love that he's like, well, of course, I have been sleeping with her, that's true. But for me, it's about attitude. And I think she knows a little bit more about the boat than you do. She certainly knows more about my stick shift. You know what I, what are you talking about? Well, I've worked, when he says,

it's not going off experience for me, it's about the attitude. The attitude is she's sleeping with you, period. This is not, I don't know how he expected this to go any other way. I think he shouldn't even be confronting Dylan, but I think you should say, hey, I think you, which is confronting him to say,

listen, I hear you've got a problem with it. I know it seems say, hey, I think you, which is confronting him to say, listen, I hear you've got a problem with it. I know it seems like it's because I'm sleeping with her, but I'm not. But for him to be defensive about it is kind of gross. Cause of course it's going to look like that. You're sleeping with her and you gave her the promotion, dick.

Which is why you shouldn't sleep with the people who work under you. So, and again, it's not her fault. This is Ben. Ben is just like, he can't believe that there's a consequence to his actions. So Dylan's like, well, I'm sorry I offended you in any way. I'm gonna keep it up and I'm gonna keep doing my best, bro.

So then Barbie and Fraser are gonna go to the beach with a guest and everything. And Anthony, so the whole thing was Anthony was supposed to cook his food ahead of time instead of going onto the beach. Am I going to sneeze? Am I going to sneeze? Am I going to sneeze on a Megadot? Okay.

I said Megadot enough that the sneeze went away. So Anthony, of course, somehow all that eggs Benedicting took up so much time that he doesn't have time to cook some steaks in the background. How do you not have time to throw some steaks on the grill in your galley? So he's like, no daddy's not an octopus. I only have two arms.

Like, yeah, but what are you doing with your arms? Make your arms do better things. So, and at this point it's really weird because people are telling him things and then he's acting like no one's ever said anything to him, which is bizarre. Like, can he just suddenly not hear? I mean, if it was one time you could be like,

maybe it's a language barrier thing. Cause later in the episode, he insists that he never heard the word lobster, you know? But, yeah, at this point it's a language barrier thing. Cause later in the episode, he insists that he never heard the word lobster, you know? But at this point it's just kind of diabolical. It's almost like he's trying to get fired. It's weird. I'm not sure what he's doing. I just don't understand how hard it is. Like while you're making your mac and cheese,

you just like, you fire up your flat top and you put your stakes on it and you put your lobster on it and that just, you don't have to do anything, they just go. And then you deal with your mac and cheese, which by the way, you run the risk of cooking that too early anyway and therefore it dries out. Well, also steaks, you don't just re-grill, do you? I don't think you just cook steak and re-grill it.

Or a lobster, I don't think you can cook steak and re-grill it. Or lobster. I don't think you can do that with lobster either because it gets rubbery. But you know, that was my first thought. But then looking at that grill, it's like, this is probably not the strongest grill in the world. It's like one of those electric ones. So you probably just would be essentially reheating it, which I think it's probably okay. Yeah. So Fraser's like, oh my God, did anything I say register? And then we see a shot of that bowl almost being knocked over. Like, uh-oh, tum tum tum. The bowl. So now the guests go to the beach and Fraser has a great attitude about it. I have never been less excited in my entire life. And Anthony is like, now they get to the beach

at one. And of course, Anthony puts the steaks on when the guests get there. Anthony was even there ahead of time. Even if he was of the mindset of what you just said, which is like, you can't just like cook steak ahead of time and then re-grill it. At least get that grill going. Like, why are you putting the steaks on as soon as they arrive? Come on. Those are thick steaks. You need to get them going ahead of time. Yeah. So then back on the boat, Paris and Sandy are cleaning and Paris is like, you know, when you're dating a guy and they do something that makes you hate them. Like we split the bill, but you owe me three bucks.

Don't even. Sorry. That was a little something from a gay icon to the cruise. A little freebie there. You can go and tell your friends. You heard it from, from me. They'll love it. Uh, and now the grill, of course, back in the beach, the grill is taking forever. Guests are getting hungry and it's a Paris radio's over. She's like, hello, hi, beach party,

beach party. This is Paris. Just told a great story about how when you date someone and then they do something you don't like, it's like you know I'm saying all right anyway what time will the guests be back on the boat and a Fraser of course is like well the food is still on the grill so we are behind by at least half an hour that's 30 minutes that we are delayed please let everyone in Grenada and any nearby islands know that we are slow because of the chef. And if a captain overhears this, so be it. That's not my intention, but you know, things happen, etc. I just want to say on this radio, I hope that we have some privacy here because I just want

to say, Boozefflaren Hatasi. All right. I said, oh, wait a minute. That means it's all the chef's fault. We're gonna have a talk about this later. Yeah. Yeah. So, Barbie's telling Fraser that the guests are driving like drove her nuts last night and everything. And then Ray is, they're eating their mac and cheese.

And so the mac and cheese is like a strange shaped noodle. I was like, what is that? Okay, well I'm back on the chef side for this because now the guests are like, I'm not eating this mac and cheese disgusting noodle. This isn't a mac and cheese noodle. Guys, it's called cheffery. It's the same.

Okay, it's a play on mac and cheese, darling. Why does it have to be the same little tiny noodle? Give me a break. It doesn't have to be an elbow. Okay, I do mine with penne, personally. Or a rigatoni if I'm feeling really crazy. And guess what, it's fucking delicious. I did think it was actually a fascinating shape

because he basically took bucatini and cut it in half. He broke it in half. And so it's like these, it was like long noodles that are longer than a short noodle like a rigatoni, but not as long as a long noodle like a spaghetti, but they were hollow on the inside. So it was kind of cool, but yeah, sometimes people can become extremely rigid

about mac and cheese. And it's like, I hope you realize that elbows have no different flavor than literally any other pasta shape. It's just a shape thing. They're like, no, boo, gross. Yeah, so they're like, that is disgusting. And Carmen's like, I mean, it's like he had regular noodles and cut them up.

Yeah, guys. So this is not the hill to die on. Okay. Because at the end of the day, bad mac and cheese is still mac and cheese. Okay. Let's move on to the rubbery lobster. Cause you know that lobster is coming out rubbery. Yeah. Well, I was gonna say, that being said, the mac and cheese did not look good. It looked good when he was making it, but the thing with mac and cheese is

that if you make it too early, I think the pasta absorbs a lot of the liquid or whatever. It just sort of becomes like, it doesn't become gooey. Like the gooeyness goes away, the creaminess goes away. It just sort of becomes like mealy maybe, or it's like that kind of texture. And it kind of looked like that's what had happened to it. Well, I'll tell you this much.

I don't appreciate mac and cheese being disparaged. So we go to Frasier and Barbie and he's like, oh, they're not happy with their food. Call a psychiatrist. We need to get this man in somewhere. Our tip is gonna suck. And it's all because he's gone psychopathic. So then we see the interior working on welcome drinks

and the guests coming back to the boat for their shots, their gummy bear shots. Yeah, disgusting. That was a good idea, but I was surprised that Brandon didn't just start choking. It just seemed like something like a bobblehead, like Brandon would be like... I'm like, I have shots.

I've seen these on Grindr before. I'm like... Oh my God, this is the guy I totally hooked up with last time on Grindr. It's like, it's a gummy bear. Yeah, exactly. You never fucking... Swallowed both.

...gummy bear before. Fraser's like, by the way, Fraser has such a pissy attitude right now. He's like, let's get the guests back to the boat where we know they can enjoy themselves instead of having this terrible, half broken bucatini mac and cheese and slow steak. Am I right?

And someone goes, oh, welcome back to the boat, guests. Did you enjoy your time? And someone goes, the mac and cheese was questionable, but I may do. Like, great, enjoy your shot. Well, how did the beach go, Fraser? He goes, well, the meal took its time, and I don't think the guests particularly enjoyed it,

but what I can't stand is having guests there and watching Chef not being able to do stuff. He spent a half an hour looking for ice cream scoop up in a palm tree. It was just frustrating. Yeah. And the captain's like, now listen, every day I've tried to give this man a chance, but now I'm going through CVs like a man in a jungle, taking pieces of paper and swiping them back and back and making my way through piece of paper after piece of paper. We're going to find that one man with a curved knife and an attitude to slay the world.

We're going to find a chef and we're going to find an adventure! Just hire a fucking chef for Christ's sake, sir. Captain Kerry was like, listen, every single day Anthony's been on the boat. I've had had to give him guidance and I'm fine with that if you learn from everything that we talk about. But if one person can't run at the same speed as the rest of us, I'm like, oh, he's going to say it's our job as a team to rally around them and pick them up and make sure they can come with us.

And he goes, they can't run the same speed as us. You got to leave them behind. First rule of adventure. You got to make it out alive. You can't, you can't hack it. You don't have to be the fastest one on the adventure. You just have to be faster than the slowest person. Bye Anthony.

Thanks a lot, dude. I know. I was like, thank God he wasn't my P.E. coach. I would have just been slaughtered in the fifth grade. Anthony left behind for the velociraptors to eat his intestines. 100%. So, um, then Paris and Barbie are talking and Barbie's like, um, hey, do you have anyone waiting at home for you? Cause like, you look so good right now. Like you're like so pretty.

It's only surely without someone waiting for you at home. Tell me your love story. Because mine is with Kyle, like who you would never expect. Are you asking me? Cause I'll say this, or this is called a post breakup glow. Honey, I had a very rough breakup. He was cheating on me with his ex and his ex stole my stuff and then posted photos online wearing my clothes." This is one of the best stories I've ever

heard of all of it. What? I had to rewind that. I was like, wait a minute. That was wild. And I said, why doesn't anyone believe me that the dress Margot Robbie is wearing to the Barbie premiere is actually mine? No one seems to understand. So yeah, I'm just happy being alone at the moment. You know, I can trust that my t-shirt is going to stay my t-shirt. You know what I mean? I was like, this is the most traumatic thing that's ever happened. Someone wore my clothes on Instagram.

And she was like, you know, the collies on the bed are really nice, but I'm like, you can just say it. They're not hot. They're not hot. And they're not interesting. We get it. We've been watching. So, invent trauma to not want to fuck these guys. Okay. Yeah. You don't have to do mad libs to come up with a storage. Like, well, the reason why I'm not seeing anyone right now is because my ex's girlfriend had a fish tank and it was full of bananas. Okay. So the guests, so the chef is like, these guests, they just want simple stuff.

So tonight, how about we start with crispy chicken, Caesar salad, and then a red snapper and potato croissant. And Pris, was like, okay. And what are you doing for the girl who doesn't eat red snaps? Please don't say you're going to serve her an ice cream scoop. None of that, please. I do chicken. He's like, okay.

And then chicken on the Caesar salad. There's chicken as well. He's like, yes, chicken, crispy chicken and then grilled chicken. What else do we have? If you don't eat fish, there's nothing but chicken. I might also don't forget that she hates vegetables, Tiphany. Serving her a Caesar salad again, which he's already done to the lady,

he doesn't like vegetables. Serving her vegetables again. And so Fraser's like, okay, chicken for starter, chicken for main, chicken for dessert, got it. But also like- Brandon's like, sounds good to me, bitch. Wifi's working. But also like, you know, this is what happens.

We see chefs do this like, oh, okay, they're cretins, so only simple stuff for them. It's like, no, you don't have to condescend to them. Just means like, just make something that tastes, like make something that's like good, you know, rather than trying to like, like look at what they say that they like on their sheet and make that for them.

That's all you have to do. Yeah, no figure. I mean, look, he knows they're gonna want lobster and crab cakes. Those are two things that have been requested. So why don't you just make lobster and crab cakes? Why do I have to tell you to do this? Come on, man.

It's like, some people like to come onto the yachts and like some people come on and they. It's like, some people like to come on to the yachts and like some people come on and they are all about the culinary experience and the chef just make us something, you know, amazing. It feels very high end. Some people like to come on to the yachts and they just like to flex and they say lobster steak, lobster steak, lobster steak. Remember that lady who wanted gold leaf on her, her steak, she wanted gold leaf on everything. And it was just, she just wanted to flex. I mean, I think it's tacky as heck,

but sometimes people just want to have that experience. And so just give it to them. It's so easy. Yeah. So now they're setting up because the guests have requested that they treat them like celebrities and have a red carpet where they, all the crew takes their pictures.

So they dress up like odd celebrities. It's like a weird costume party where they're just dressing up as whatever characters I guess they have a dress to match. Yeah, it didn't the the conception of this event was a little unclear to me, but yeah, they put out a red carpet and then the crew is going to be the paparazzi. And then, um, so a woman named Joy, she's like Sandra D from Greece. And then this guy clipped in is Jules from Pulp Fiction. And he was like, actually really, really good at it.

He not only looked like Samuel L. Jackson, he sounded like Samuel L. Jackson. I feel like this was his idea. I feel like he has like a Samuel L. Jackson bit that he does and he's like, listen, this is what we gotta do. Let's do like a red carpet event and we can all dress up as a celebrity, but I'm the only one who gets to be Samuel L. Jackson. Weird choices are dress like celebrities

and Jasmine's like, I'm Jasmine from Aladdin. Okay, well, all right. Not a celebrity, but that's fine. So Fraser's like, this is such a tacky request. They clearly don't feel important in life, so they need to pay us to make them feel loved. Does that not speak volumes? Yeah, but does that not also speak

for literally everybody on this show? Like every guest who's ever come on. But also like, isn't that literally your job? You're being paid to like, kowtow to like awful people week after week after week, just to make them feel special for two days of their life. Yeah, but I think it's also Frazier's job for TV to want them all to die.

So I'm on his side on this one. So we get some sad, sad, sad, sad Caesar salads. Sad Caesar's. Not a great week for Caesar salads on Bravo so far, I'm afraid. Terrible, terrible. And so Frazier's like, all right, chefs, so one of them is not going to have lettuce, right? It's for the girl who doesn't eat salads and spells her name like an abomination, almost as much of an abomination as that dye job she calls hair. Yes, remember we spoke about that,

Anthony? And he's like, I was like, are they going to show the footage of him knocking over the bowl again? Because this is the time. Yeah. Um, so let me see where are we? I got a little lost. Sorry. Well, Paris is in the now Paris is cleaning a room and she goes, Oh my God, someone shied something and it's more in the shower. So then we go back and, uh, they just keep on showing Ray. Ray is the King. He's the husband of the primary and every time he eats, his face is just like down at his plate, it's like a little kid eating

and they just keep on showing this. I'm pretty certain the producers are just trolling this guy. And next, let's see what else the chef can do and bring molds. Oh, he does it big time. This is a big selection of circles on this next plate. Yeah. So we get some potato gratin that's been done in a ring mold, and then some zucchini that's

wrapped in spirals from a ring mold, and then there's a lot of ring mold. So then the king is like, okay, now listen, because the chef comes up and he's like, and I would like to offer you circles. Circles, only circles. You are born loser, you die a circle, loser. Oh. And so Ray's like, hey, listen, I have heard that you do amazing lobster, grilled lobster mac and cheese. So I would love that later tonight if you could get that prepared and then just have it for them to cook later. And he's like, okay. Now that's a reason. Now see, that's, there's a request. I was

like, you see? He put in the request very politely. He's like, I just want a lobster grilled cheese. So then, uh, and Anthony's like, yeah, sure. So then there's like a raspberry mille-fouille for dessert. And of course, Tip Haney is like, oh my God, it looks like a little ice cream sandwich. I was like, it's literally just. And then she picks it up and eats it with her fingers. Tiphany, for real, you are so, this group needs to be threatened.

It's tacky, tacky, Tiphany, tacky. So now it's hot tub time, and Anthony is now making paninis for later because he wants to be prepared, but he's making turkey paninis. Turkey, now is when you bust out the turkey. Now, hours later after eggs Benedict, you finally find the turkey.

So now the guests are wasted and they want their lobster mac and cheese and outcome turkey paninis. And Ray is like pissed. He's like, hell no, that's not what I ordered. He didn't do the lobster, the grilled cheese. We talked about it. We had a whole conversation about it,

melted bullshit cheddar. That's fucked up. I asked for lobster. He's like, he's really upset. And you know what? I was fully on his side. He asked for the lobster grilled cheese. It was on camera. It was clear.

It wasn't even asked for in an obnoxious way. And Anthony still fucked it up. So they go wake up Anthony because at this point, like, yeah, you've got to wake up Anthony, right? Because he's really fucked up. So then Anthony is like, no, they never said lobster. I'm not, I hear what I hear. No one said lobster.

And of course they show the clip of him being like, I would love the lobster, ding, ding, ding. Grilled cheese. And are we really gonna believe the, are we really gonna believe the guy who almost knocked over a bowl this morning? I don't think so. Yeah, well, let's show the spinning bowl again.

Go to fallen. Go to fallen. Go to fallen. Did it put in a tragedy. So he makes them and then, you know, Ray is like, yeah, I didn't really want to wake you up. But you know, and then Brandon's like, thank you. Thank you.

Now go back to bed because I'm going to message you later. Okay. Right. So then Dylan is getting the port side ready. So now Dylan is being so nice to Sonny. He's like, all right, just getting that port side ready. So now Dylan is being so nice to Sunny. He's like, all right, just getting that port side ready for when we go in. I know it's a lot of pressure, but you've got this. You've got this girl. And she's like, thanks. I mean, I know that you probably wanted to be the lead. He's like, I don't care. You've got this. You've got this. You've got this

vagina have a. And Dylan is like, you know, I don't think Sunny is a bad person at all, even though she has a vagina. I mean, there's no point in me going and firing it up more, you know, like, what are we going to do? I need to accept it. Just like how I have accepted that there's ham that has calories in its film, and you just have to wash it off. That's all. He's like, yeah, when there's a will, there's a way. When there's bad egos in play, oh, I'm a poet. I didn't even know. Yes, poetry, poetry. So then the boaters approaching the shore,

guys, we could all be dying, but they did it. Everything worked out great, guys. And now the guests are about to leave. So let's hear what Carmen has to say. She's like, it's a non Carmen has to say. She's like, it's a non pork eater. Bad, bad. This is coming from a non pork eater.

Very bad, bad news guys. Non pork eater. She's like, I would think that you would have more options, like some options. Like literally an Oscar Meyer truck just drove by and there's a billboard over there for turkey bacon. Like there's literally options everywhere. And you know, I think I said oysters and duck bacon and like, I'm the primary, I'm the

head bitch. And I didn't get any of that. Yeah. And they're like, Oh, you, you die head bitch, you, you live head bitch. So they leave and that's clean, clean time. And Anthony's very, very sad and his tip meeting time. So the captain announces new lead deckhand, Sonny. All right, now let's move on to this. The guests were demanding, but they weren't very joyful in the end. And that reflected in the tip, $17,200. Lowest tip of the season, lower than Jill Zarin's tip.

So everyone's sad. A creature's like, this is embarrassing. That is adventure spelled backwards because it was the opposite of an adventure. I'll tell you what it is. It's embarrassing. It's almost as embarrassing as a bowl that could have fallen on the floor. Is it because of the food? I'm going to say yes." So Carrie calls Fraser up to the wheelhouse. He's like, well, the guests weren't enjoying the food and there were some issues over there. Yes, well, the preferences weren't really considered and the meals lost any sense of

superior standard to it. It's almost as if they were cooked in a bowl that was teetering on the edge of a counter about to fall into the dark abyss below. That sort of anxiety you can taste. So then Captain Carrie does his leadership thing, which now that we're seeing it in action again, I see that this is just what he does, where he fires somebody by telling him how amazing they are. So he's like, all. All right, chef, come up here now. Not only were you amazing in the first revival of cabaret and amazing enough to get yourself on a hosting gig on a peacocks own the traders, you're handsome. You're gorgeous.

You were chubby once you're not anymore. You were too good for this job, sir. You are fired with honors. Congratulations. You've won this great honor of being let go. Congrats. Give me a hug. Give me a hug. Who would you like to thank? And the effort is like, well, I don't really know what you're talking about.

Well, you don't see where things were going to go wrong with the service. I mean, to start, the crew food was not a priority. Yes, I'm going back to chart number one, but this is that deep. The food's been late. You've been making mistakes. You've not been prepared. I'm not seeing guests satisfied with elements what you're doing. Jill Zarin had to teach you how to make good diet coke. I mean, that's embarrassing. You don't even know how to make good diet coke. Everyone knows. Ah. Got to use the ice.

But then why are all these people telling me you are the most amazing chef in the world? What language was that? Because I'm speaking three of them and I never heard that. Right. He's like, but people say I never heard that. He's like, but people say I'm so good. This is the first time, first time I'm fired in my life. First time I'm fired. Well, don't you worry. I'm sure you'll be fired many more times after this.

Well, it takes us a little practice. I'm sure after people meet you with this reputation, they'll start coming fast and furious. All right. Now listen, you let go, but to Briekeler. All right. That means congratulations into a language that you'll probably never need to learn because you're never going to Turkey when you can't even find it in the fridge. Listen, come on, let's have a hug. Okay. I have a lot of respect for you, mate. The sort of respect

that says I never want to see you on this bird again. All right. Let's hug. Nice deep hug. All right. Let me put my, my cheek right on your shoulder. Let's hold for about five seconds. Feel the respect on my cheek into your shoulder. And I'm going to try to get some Connery inspiration from you not getting any. My choice was the smart one. All right. Now go see yourself off there. And Anthony's like, I'm in such real shock, like real shock, like it is not possible. Get out of here. He's so cute, Anthony. This is, I'm actually glad he left because I really liked Anthony and really stood up for him as much as I could until the past couple of weeks, but I'm out. You know what I mean? Like I'm completely out of compassion. And so it's time for you to go. So congratulations.

Anthony is, he's just in that genre of below deck chefs, maybe best exemplified by Kiko. Kiko, I was gonna say. Who are just sweet and lovely, but at a certain point they're out of their depth. Cause like never forget Kiko's Vegas dinner, right? Like that was, at a certain point, you just have to now say,

okay, it's time for you to go back to land. Yeah, goodbye. So then, Kerry, you know, just a big long hug. Is that a boner? No, it is actually a corkscrew. I can't even do boner, right? Leave without boner, die without boner, goodbye. I'll be back.

I'll be back. I'll be back as the man ruling this boat. Hopefully with Bono. I just want to say that if you'd been hugging my Echidna, you would have had five Bonos you were feeling. Just saying. Google it. Google it.

When Kerry hugged Anthony, I cracked up because Kerry like put his whole head down on his shoulder. Like it was like a really deep, like, yeah, really, I'm showing him how much respect to have because I'm going fully horizontal with my head. Yeah. It was just like down there. Um, so, but also bored at the same time, you know, he was like, Oh God, we're going to call up Norman now and get a new chef.

Yeah. So, um, Fraser enters, he's like, what did the captain say? Did he suggest that you pre cook a steak? Did he find your ice cream scoop for you since Lord knows you still haven't found it? And so Anthony is like, oh, I'm not good enough to be on this boat. It's too much for me. I'm still just trying. I'm working hard every day and I never complain, but here I am, innocent Anthony. Like, he said something about fitting a square peg into a circle and I thought, but everyone only wants circles in circles. I don't understand.

Now listen, this has nothing to do with you. You are the kindest and nicest chef I've ever worked with. This has to do with kind, nice people not belonging in yachting. Do you understand? Go wherever it is that nice, kind people go to. Church, might I suggest? Space? Sure. No one who put the flag on the moon was accused of being a bitch.

Do you know what I'm saying? Probably not. Listen, this has nothing to do with you. It just reflects on how difficult it is to not knock over a bull. Do you understand how terrifying that? Can we roll that clip again? Look at your psychosis spinning out of control in the form of this wheel almost falling on the floor. All right. Might as well just check yourself into a hospital. You're disgustingly sick. We all know any competent chef would never

casually hit the side of their bowl in such a way that it might topple off the side of the counter and if only for your other hand braced into safety. That is just, it's unacceptable. So then it starts spreading around the boat that... By spreading it's Barbie. Chef got fired. Chef got fired. Chef got fired.

Chef got fired. Chef got fired. Hey, Jill's Aaron was calling to say, yeah, I'm still making good Diet Coke and chef got fired, yeah, bye. So a new chef is called to come on in and people check on Anthony. It's actually really sweet because Anthony's like, oh, I miss everybody, buddy,

I want to come back really close. And they all go out on the deck and group hug him. It was so cute. I had a couple little salty fly out. It was disgusting. I know, I was emotional watching them all hug and goodbye and not invite them out to dinner with them all.

Such assholes. That was so sweet. That was so sweet of them to be like, well, it's our day off, but you still can't eat with us. Well, nobody wants a fired person there, you know? Cause then it's just gonna all go down the hill like, oh, crying friends, crying know, because then it's just gonna all go downhill like crying friends, crying friends, crying friends and get the fuck out of here. You're fired. Okay. Go party with other glasses. He's going to knock over. Yeah, no, they don't want that. So he leaves and so now everyone

goes out and Barbie's telling Kyle that he can't go in her bed tonight. So they get to the restaurant, there's a cat there, so I'm happy. And then Dylan is like, well, you know, by the way, so if you, okay, Sunny, if you could list like three things that you could see yourself enjoying for the rest of your life, what would they be? And when they involve him, that does not have the fat washed off of it. And she says, well, I would live on an island. I would have my own boat and I'd grow my own food back to basics. I was like, God, that's a boring. It's nice. It's a nice fantasy. I want to live on an island with a boat and grow my own food. Fuck off, man. I can't get behind.

You can literally do that already. That's your fantasy. Who's stopping you? Who's stopping you from littering the world on this giant super yacht? Get the fuck out of here. Go eat a potato. So Dylan's like, oh, my mom and dad have a farm in the south of Africa by the beach. And then Ben's getting jealous, which so then I was like happy that this conversation was happening because Ben was getting jealous. You know, this is pretty funny that Dylan's like, oh, okay, so Ben wants to talk to me about being an asshole. I'm gonna try and steal his girlfriend. Dun, dun, dun.

So Dylan's like, yes, by the way, Sunny, you have to come to South Africa. You have to come visit us. And she's like, oh, for sure, for sure. Yes, for sure, absolutely. So they kiss on both cheeks, which was giving me kind of like gay best friend vibes, to be honest.

So I think that she was probably thinking the same thing. He does give those vibes. And he did say in the beginning, he's like, oh, men flirt with me and women flirt with me. He does give off gay best friend vibes. And I'm not just saying that because he was caught hanging out with Katie Maloney. Right?

He does give those vibes. So, you know, Sonny's probably like, this is great. I've got a new gay. I love it. Everything's great. I got invited to South Africa. I'm sure there's an island there. I'm sure I could grow some food.

Like life is good. Yeah. Okay. So then Kyle and Barbie are talking and he's like, I'm respecting where you're at. And she's like, Oh, yeah, yeah, you are. But what if I was hooking up with someone else? Would you respect that? You're like, you probably won't.

But like, I totally could right now because we're single. So like, I can do whatever the fuck I want to, Kyle. He's like, Oh, no, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care. I'm not saying well, then again, I'm not not that I wouldn't care, but I'm not saying that I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care. I'm not saying, well, then again, I'm not that I wouldn't care, but I'm not saying that I wouldn't care. You know what I'm saying? Do you care about what I'm saying?

Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know if I care what I'm saying. I'm going to Wyoming. Well, like there's like chemistry between Kyle and I, but like normally I date guys who are like Jewish because that's how I identify. So. I forgot that was her thing. I'm not Jewish, but I identify as

Jewish. I've dated guys who are like Jewish and hardworking and like stable. And like, on the other hand is like, he's not modest and he's very free spirited. And what I'm trying to say is he's not stable. He's not Jewish. He's not hardworking. He's basically human garbage. And I think I'm into that now. I was like, wow, this is a very flattering monologue, Barbie, I was gonna love seeing this later. Yeah, please play this at your wedding. She goes, I have this guard that cares so much about what people think or what my image is.

And I don't think my dad would support me being with Kyle, but really he is my safety. And it's just a weird situation to be in. I've realized I don't care my dad would support me being with Kyle, but really he is my safety. And it's just a weird situation to be in. I've realized I don't care if people are embarrassed for me that I'm dating Kyle. I realize. And also the way that she describes it, she's like, I don't really care about my dad things,

but like, it's a really, like he's my safety on this boat. I was like, you're not Whitney Houston. You know what I mean? She's like, yeah. I'm like, he's the only on this boat. I was like, you're not Whitney Houston. You know what I mean? She's like, yeah, he's the only person taking care of, he's my bodyguard on this boat basically. Like you're a maid on a boat. Can we just like calm down the rhetoric here? I know, I know.

So now there's like a pool in this bar. So Dylan and Ben are swimming and then Fraser's like, all right everyone, why don't we play truth or dare? And then immediately they're like, okay, dare Fraser, drink a shot out of this flip-flop. He's like, I'm regretting this. Because of course they do that to the gay guy. Cause to each other, they do sexual shit.

But with the gay guy, they're like, here, do some drink piss out of a shoe. And then with everyone else, like fuck me, here's your dare, fuck me in my ear. You know with everyone else like, fuck me. Here's your dare. Fuck me in my ear. You know, it's like, hey, wait, how the hell did I have to do the shoe drink? And then Barbie, she's like, I want a dare. So Dylan's like, okay, here's a dare. This is the wildest dare you've ever had. Eat a slice of ham without rinsing it. Oh, I dare someone to do that. That's wild and wacky. I just wanted to see Dylan cry.

So Dylan says, I dare you to choose a guy to kiss. And so Barbie's like, um, and then there's like a, it's like a commercial break. Cause it's like, is she going to make out with someone else to test Kyle, whether or not Kyle would be upset if she hooked up with someone else. But guess what? She doesn't, she doesn't kiss anyone. She just takes a shot. Yeah. And then Kyle has the best dare because of course he does. And he makes Ben and Xandy

swap outfits and Ben really takes to it. I have to say he loves it. He's just like flipping his hair around and like he's like totally into it. He's just like flipping his hair around and like, he's like totally into it. He's like, looks like a real housewife of New Jersey basically when he puts on his outfit. Like he looks like a few steps away from Jen Pestler. Is he Rosanna or Rosanna? Which one is he? Rosanna or Rosanna? So, um, Bart, so now they go back to the boat and Barbie's like, change my mind and come to the bed with me. So she pulls Kyle and she's like, my mom's a sex therapist,

but my dad is like really conservative and into Coca-Cola. So like it's a mix of both worlds. Cause like, what do I do? Like do I have fun or do I like, I don't know, like make out with a Coke bottle? It's like really hard. So downstairs in the crew mass, Dylan and Sonny are sitting next together, sitting together

next to each other together. And Dylan is like, Sue, what's going on with you and Ben? And she's like, I don't know. I mean, I think we're just like having fun once in a while. We're not officially an item because we're working on being an item and we're not actually together. We're working on being together. So I don't know what we are. He's like, so- So you're free? Let's get married.

Give me kiss, give me kiss. She's like, ew. It's like on my cheek, no? On my head, on my elbow. He goes in for a full kiss out of nowhere. It's so, it's like, what the fuck is wrong with you, sir? Yeah, it's such a bad soap opera play. I just love it.

Like I'm going to go after my enemy's girl. It's also like that man thing of like, but it's also like a man thing of like, oh, you're a single girl, so therefore I will kiss you and you shall kiss me back. It's like, what? No, you have to earn that. Yeah, I don't know where any of this came from,

but it was so awkward and she literally laughs in his face. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And she's like, he may look like an athlete, but he's got no game whatsoever. Okay, he doesn't know how to flirt. I mean, grow a kumquat. You know what I'm saying? Like this is just not it.

She goes, it's kind of an ick. I'm like, I feel like he just started on ick. Like I feel like what is below ick? Cause that's where he's at now. So- You know what this episode was called? Kind of an ick. Kind of an ick.

Isn't that a weird? I feel like, wow, that was the center of the whole episode. Sunny's comment. Ick. It's hanging the whole episode on that. So Barbie're like, wow, that was the center of the whole episode, Sunny's comment. It's hanging the whole episode on that. So Barbie is like, oh my God, it kind of got this new side of me. It's like never shown. Because normally people just see this version, it's Barbie and she's like a girl, you know? She probably has nannies, but I'm also a girl who likes guys sometimes, especially super

trashy ones that other people aren't gonna like. Like I don't think anybody's like really seen that set. I was like, is this a behind, she's like a biography of, it's the weirdest. Barbie talks about herself as such an odd way. Like she's just, she's being interviewed for being like the humanitarian of, I don't know how to explain this.

She's the same vibe from her. I know, she's always talking about herself. She's always talking about herself like she's like a cultural force. And so she's, and again, she's like totally dissing Kyle. She goes, I've always been with people for certain prerequisites, like maybe looks, maybe success, you know, maybe because my father would approve, maybe because they seem educated, maybe because they're funny, maybe because they're fun to talk with. But with Kyle, I don't have to worry about those things.

Kyle Sands You know, I've been like with people, like just simply for the fact that they're like not raging alcoholics or don't have scars on their ass that were self-inflicted after like putting burnt hangers on them. But Kyle's really blown up all those expectations. I mean, basically like a will work for a beer kind of a guy. And I'm going to fuck him on camera right now. Bye. She goes with Kyle. I've transformed every single thing I've ever stood for looks like, okay, lady. I literally just voted green. This is she's, what is this like epic retelling of her love life here?

He's transformed every single thing I've ever stood for. What lady yourself. You're, you're, you're interior about to fuck a decky. It's like, it happens 10 times a season on every show. Did not just have ayahuasca, okay, lady? You did not just go volunteer at the Peace Corps, you know? So funny.

In the Gambia, okay? You're like, come on. Like, you're about to fuck a Scottish guy. So they do, they go bang in the bathroom, and then Benny and Sunny hear it, and somebody's like, oh my God, did you hear that? Dun, dun, dun. And next week we see that Barbie immediately freaks out.

She's like, oh my God, I embarrassed my dad. I embarrassed my dad. No, not by fucking you on camera. Oh my God. It's like fucking the entire below deck of the Titanic movie right in front of my dad. How is he ever supposed to golf with the Coca-Cola president ever again? It's like literally going into the Smithsonian and fucking a picture of

someone going through a hard times in the depression. It's so embarrassing. Cause you can sort of see Kyle. Give you put Kyle in a little cap, it's like, he's like rapes of wrath. It's like fucking the opening number to Les Mis. It's just so embarrassing. It's like fucking the character that Ben Mandelker played in the eighth grade production of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn where his only line was to say, Apples, pencils, only a nickel, Mr. Mixed with Ben Mandelker's 10th grade role of Harry Beaton in Brigadoon. But by the way, just to say she feels shame next week because Ben goes up to her and is like, well, we heard you fucking.

So we'll see how that all plays out. I just got this text. This is so living in Texas. Today the 22nd of April is the last day to order your concealed carry license. Get it in 15 minutes. Link. Thanks. Thanks, guys.

All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being here for this blow dick recap. We'll be back later this week with so much Vanderpump. Oh my God. Vanderpump rules. Vanderpump Villa will be on our bonus feed. Then we've got the Valley. There's a lot going on on guys? Summerhouse?

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