Watch What Crappens - #2407 Summer House MV: Freaknik Freakout

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Summer House Martha’s Vineyard (S02E06) celebrates couples weekend with a Freaknik party in the backyard and Summer has a meltdown over…no one really knows, but no Amazon box is safe. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Winter Is Crappening ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondry's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody, it is Silas. Welcome to What's What Crap is a podcast for all that crap about people who love timepieces in Germany.

I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? I'm great. How's it going? I'm great. Silas is back on my television screen on Summer's House.

Simon. Martha's Vineyard. Simon. Simon. Oh, you're right. Simon. Silas is not. Oh, God. Could you imagine? Why was I doing Silas as a wacky German guy who likes watches? Okay, we're starting this podcast over. Just kidding. Because this podcast is built on mistakes. So, um, yeah, Simon is back, Bria's boyfriend. So it's couples weekend on summer house Martha's vineyard. And guess what? This couple is proud to bring it to you. This couple of wacky friends. Um, welcome to the show. This is Sunday morning here in our lives, uh, because Ben is in New York for his lava Dom's Broadway opening of The Great Gatsby. So congratulations to Dom. Yeah, I want you to go see it.

Yeah, serious major congratulations. It was honestly, it was so good. I am not just saying that because he choreographed it. I really, really enjoyed it. It was just like this big glitzy art deco spectacle with just like madness everywhere and Dom's choreography was so good. So definitely if you're in New York,

I would get a ticket to see the show, cause I loved it. I really, I genuinely loved it. And by the way, it was cool to meet some Crappens listeners who were there in the audience. So, you know, shout out to you guys. Yeah, guys. Well, everybody, thanks so much for being here with us today.

We are, it's gonna be an exciting week, because this week we are in, finally this week, we're in the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Festival in Los Angeles. That is Friday night. We are gonna be doing a really fun thing. It's our first ever Dwell Hello live show. The Dwell Hello is where we make fun of house hunters.

It may seem like an odd choice to do for a live show, but we love doing that show. We think it's so funny and we're excited to do it live for you guys. It's also a smaller house. We're gonna get to meet everybody and talk to everybody and just hang out. It's also the opening night for the Kukuburra Lounge,

which is our friend Katie Kuzorla, her new lounge in Hollywood. So we're super excited for her. It's just, you know what? It's just a night of things happening. Also, our face is on some bus or something, which my friend texted me. She did not get a picture.

Go on, back up. No way, our face is not on a bus. Absolutely not. She said it's somewhere. She said it's like on a billboard or a bus. She just said I was out in Hollywood and saw your face on something. She didn't get more things than that.

Yeah, so I don't know what it was. I'm assuming it was some digital thing. Yeah, that's probably what it was. Which I will, I'll be on a digital, what do I care? I doubt it's like a paper billboard or something, but you know what, because I don't really know the answer. So as far as anyone knows, it was a movie picture in front of the groundments.

Okay, get off my get off my ass. Yeah, well, that's very exciting. I'm gonna try to track it down when I get back to LA tomorrow. But also just just one little piece of business about this whole show is that we did learn that there's only about 25 tickets left. So if you want to come see us on Friday, tickets are running out. So be sure to go to watch a crop in stock com to get your tickets. And then in are running out. So be sure to go to watchwhatcrappens.com

to get your tickets. And then in a couple of weeks, we're gonna be in London, Dublin, and Birmingham. So get tickets for that at watchwhatcrappens.com. We'll announce what we're gonna cover for those shows. We have not quite decided yet, but we're gonna figure out something crazy to do for those shows.

So we'll figure it out and announce that. But come. And today it's Summer House, oh, tomorrow's crappy, tonight is crappy hour for you guys. Monday 5.30 PM Pacific time over on Instagram Live. That's our live Bravo News show every other week. Okay, Ben, let's get into Summer House and Masa's finyatsa. Wait, can I just start with telling a quick story about here in New York? Because this

city is deranged. So yesterday, Dom and I were walking someplace, we walked out of his building and you walk out, we walk out on the street and there's already someone who is a little unhinged, someone who is, has their, you know, they're just in their own, in their own, in their own reality right now. And they, he was just trying to be so not cancelable, trying to describe an insane person and then saying homeless person in the city, but you don't want to say insane or homeless and listening to you try to find other words for it is hilarious and very 2004.

I'm trying to be very friendly before I make fun of this person. So, so we're, so we walk out of the street and there's like, it's like you immediately hear this guy yelling jealous, jealous of what? And he's screaming. He's like, he's all the way across, you know, and so you're like, Oh God, New York city. It's such like, you walk out the door, it's such an assault. It's like, jealous of what?

Jealous of what? He's screaming this. And then he walks towards us. It's like, oh God, now he's walking towards us. He's like, jealous of what, bitch? Jealous of what? And then we like sort of walk by him and then he starts like sort of stomping

and starts coming up really close behind me. I'm like, oh my God, this guy's gonna like punch me or something. And then he goes like sort of stomping and starts coming up really close behind me. I'm like, Oh my God, this guy's gonna like punch me or something. And he, then he goes jealous of what your ugly leather pants. And I was like, Oh, so it was a crap listener. I was like, did this guy just quote Sutton's track? And he starts doing it over. He starts going, your ugly leather pants, jealous of why your ugly leather pants.

I was like, I cannot believe this man is like rage quoting Sunstrak right now. It's the funniest thing. But he was like, and then I tried to like what Sutton at you, I mean, that has to be some kind of Bravo person, right? That's hilarious. That's probably Sutton's old assistant that we don't see anymore. It probably was. And then I tried to like step away from him, but then I actually stepped sort of like into him and then he was like jealous

of what he goes. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then like we sort of like, like separate it out again. And then it goes back to go jealous of what became extremely polite. I was like knowing New York city was probably a method actor. I was like, knowing New York City, it was probably a method actor. Well, you know, I'm glad to know that Bravo has no neighborhood, you know? That's always been my favorite thing about this channel.

All right, so here we are, it's day nine in Mossos' vineyard. Everyone's waking up, Amir's doing some odd stretch. You know, a lot of people on this show love getting naked and fucking for the cameras. It's like some, I don't know, what do you call it when you like showing off? Exhibitionism. Yeah, you're an exhibitionist or whatever.

You know, it's a kink, it's a thing. And it's kind of fun. Amir likes doing stretches where he's just stretching his butt cheeks openly to the camera in his underwear. What the fuck was that? I mean, I didn't mind. Listen, it wasn't a complaint.

I just thought it was odd to put your butt right in the camera in his underwear. What the fuck was that? I mean, I didn't mind. Listen, it wasn't a complaint. I just thought it was odd to put your butt right in the camera and then flap your butt cheeks open and closed. Yeah. It's like a hello from a lawn. Like hello, hello neighbors. Hello. Yeah, those cakes were out. Big old cakes.

I felt like I was watching Top Chef Just Desserts because the cakes were out. So Summer decides to call Nana. And it sounds like Nana is about to have a procedure and her sight is not going to be what it was for the next few months. And Summer tells us that Nana is like one of the most important people in my life and she adopted me when my mother struggled with addiction and growing up, I didn't have a father. So now it's like the summer sad backstory moment of the show. Yeah, and it's, the whole episode is kind of themed on this and I thought it was interesting that this is kind

of centered around Nana when the entire episode watching summer, we're all just going, nah, nah, nah, come back Summer, come back Summer, come back, nah, Summer, nah. It was a rough one for Summer this week, guys. So, uh. Yeah. She has. Brace yourselves.

No, she has. She has emotions. Summer has emotions. Also watching this show, you know, the regular Summer House and Vanderpump rules, the big thing I'm always trying to figure out what they're doing drug-wise on these party nights, because sometimes they just lead to this

and it leads to the nonsense fighting. And then we start taking sides in the fighting, like who's right and who's wrong, and we get so serious about it, we get so worked up about it. And you know, I've told you many times on this show, at the end of the day, we're fighting over someone else's Coke rage.

And Coke rage really has no bounds. Now, am I accusing Summer specifically? No, not really. I don't know what they're doing at these parties. But at these parties, or at the end of like go out nights, is when she tends to have these episodes. So something's going on there.

Might just be your regular old, you know, Sutter home or whatever. But. Well, you know what? your regular old you know Sutter Home or whatever but well you know what do people still drink that Sutter Home Sutter Home isn't Sutter Home companion or something like that or just Sutter Home I'm sure they do well at the very least of what your ugly leather rosé at the very least you can't handle her alcohol very well. We can definitely say that. So yeah, it's a lot of summer.

It's interesting that you talked about how on Summer House, we get into arguments over people's coke rage. We take sides. So not we get into arguments, we take sides over people's arguments. What's interesting about this show is that there's no arguments. What's interesting about this show is that there's no arguments. I mean, there's argument, there's like fights, little spats, but there's nothing, there's nothing for us to really take a side on these days. And I'm really would love it if someone could do something and let us take a side on something. Because it's like, we're taking a side on whether

or not like summer is entitled to be annoyed at something that we sort of like, should Summer have flipped out about the rules of Never Have I Ever? It's like, okay, we can debate that. I kind of, I have to say I'm kind of liking the low stakes of this season of Summer House, Martha's Vineyard. I do find it just to be an enjoyable sit. Yeah, I mean, I really like this cast, and I enjoy just watching them, but, like, the show doesn't really have a villain, and you could see that they're trying to bring in villains.

They're, like, desperately trying to bring in Mariah and Phil. And, um, but the show is also very concerned with people's safe spaces, and so, but the show is also very concerned with people's safe spaces. And so as a result, we're just kind of, you know, hanging out watching people's summer vacation. So- Well, when we watch these shows normally, we're like, oh my God, we start therapyzing, right?

We're like, oh wow, this probably happened in their childhood. And you know, you really need to work on this issue. And you know, we can, as an audience, I think all feel just so smart because we're watching these people and understanding their mental issues. This show, they know their mental issues. They're all so in tune with it and they all go to therapy.

And they've all worked through so much that anytime a fight arises, they're like, well, here are my feelings and I respect you very much. And then they're like, you know what? I choose to honor my own safe space and remove myself from this situation. Like you're on television, okay? Drop that shit, leave the therapy at the door.

You know, at most jobs, you're supposed to leave your drama at the door, but on Bravo, you're supposed to leave your therapy at the door, bring your drama inside the door. Bring it from your trunk, get it out of your trunk, unpack it and bring it in. That's what we need. Yeah, exactly.

So, Summer's telling her name. But this show does give us Preston's hat storyline. This hat, this hat evolution. I'm really into Preston's evolving hat storyline. Exactly. So, Summer's talking about how, telling her Nana that there's like a lot of arguments and, you know, I try to show up for people to a fault, you know, like if someone's using the wrong rules to a party game, I like to show up for them and correct them. And then I don't like telling

people I'm overwhelmed. I don't like putting my problems on other people up. You don't like doing that. Like you've literally had to melt down every single night this show for this. Not only that, but you're sitting there and you're talking, first of all, whenever somebody is like, I'm just too good of a person, I LOL while they're crying. Second of all, you're sitting there talking to a woman who is blind, she just went blind,

and you're calling her with, never have I have I ever drama know what I mean like come on Yeah, I mean that's in the future, but this is just as important whatever she's calling about now And she's like, I'm just there for everyone. No, you're not you're calling a blind woman and complaining about some petty fight No, stop just stop it and and Nana's like, you know, you're there to enjoy this and she's like I just, I don't feel safe to tell people my problems. It comes from abandonment issues. I'm like, I feel like you've told us all your problems all summer long. She's like, you know, it talks about how her mom was taken away because she couldn't take care of summer. And she's

like, I've been a lot of emotionally unavailable adults took care of her after. So she doesn't know how to let people take space for her without feeling the burden of their lives. And she tries to suppress it in her feelings, but it's just not healthy. Well, you know, tossing Amazon boxes is. So I hope she starts doing that soon. So next we go to Nick trying to pick the closet lock because the closet lock

because the closet's locked from the inside. I don't know why that's a thing. Like why there's a lock on the inside of the closet, but there is. Yeah. Is it the pantry? Is it a closet or a pantry? I don't know.

I don't know what it was. I was also impressed that he picked it. I never quite learned how to pick a lock. Did you ever learn how to do that? No, it's so hard. Well, I learned how to, yeah, I learned how to pick a household lock like he was picking. Yeah, when I was a kid. Because my parents used to always be like,

it's adult time, don't come in here. And me and my sister were like, what does that mean? Fuck that, that's not fair, adult time. Adult time is bullshit. Of course, we weren't talking like that. We were like four. And so I learned how to pick a lock and I went in there and they're, oh my God, what are you doing?

I was like, you're naked, ha ha ha. That really didn't traumatize me until later in life, but it's still to this day, the memory sets me back. You just don't wanna burden us with your problems. You don't wanna take up space because you've been through a lot. Yeah, guys, so I just, I don't wanna put the vision of my parents, you know, 80s, like crazy Bush into your minds, but it's still in mind.

So just imagine it and sit with that for a while. And let's just all never have sex again, okay? Great, you're welcome. This is why you shouldn't pick locks. Okay, locks are locked for a while. And let's just all never have sex again. Okay? Great. You're welcome. This is why you shouldn't pick locks. Okay? Locks are locked for a reason. There was intentionality. See ya. So, he's like, God, who would lock the door from the inside? Now, my family would lock the pantry door from the outside if they could, because I was always in that shit. And Amir announces that it's couples weekend, and people are going to bring their significant other, so who's going to be positive, which

I love that Amir has to say that because his girlfriend is a psychopath. Okay? And I know that's probably not the nicest way to phrase it, but this lady is crazy town. Okay? We've seen a little snippets of her on their phone calls. This is not just fiery when people are like, Oh my God, she's so fiery. This lady is going to burn him alive if he ever fucks up. I'm telling you that right now. She is terrible. And yeah, so he's like, so we're going to be positive, right? We're going to be positive because he just wants to smooth over any conflict. He wants like people to get along with her and he wants her to get along with, because if she has a bad time, she's never gonna let him go back for season three, right?

So, uh... Well, but we've also seen that he is one of these typical Bravo men who, now listen, we've always liked to mirror on this show, right? But we can see very clearly what kind of guy he is in this episode, I think, at least to me. He's a typical Bravo guy who finds someone with very big personality, and then he pokes at them.

And we find out later that he's been telling her how much everybody wants him, et cetera, et cetera, in the house. So she's coming ready, because he's gotten her pissed off already, right? So he's like tried to trigger her already because he gets off on it, you know? He finds someone that he can trigger

and then the whole time he can be like, see guys, she's crazy and I'm the only one who can deal with her. Right, right. So then Preston tells us, well today we have Donald and Natalie and Simon arriving. And to kick off couples weekend, I am throwing a cocktail mixer,

just an excuse to look good. It's a precursor to Freaknik, which is going to be wild. So then Preston and Amir are talking about how it's exciting that Jasmine's pregnant, which is, I don't think anyone's actually excited, but it's fine. And then later on, Jasmine's telling us that last year was the first time that her relationship with Mariah has ever been tested and they've taken their time to get back to who they are. And since Silas isn't there, she's going to need Mariah to support her in whatever it is she's doing. I guess I'm being pregnant.

Jasmine's pregnancy is like when you go to the movies and have to sit there 30 minutes for previews of things that you don't wanna see. That's basically the best way I can describe her pregnancy. Like I get that it's there. I'm not mad that it's happening. I mean, I understand the economy and they have to just keep coming out with these things.

But why do I have to be bothered with it? You know what I mean? I just paid to see like Mission Impossible. Yeah, it's like for me when I go see a comedy movie and um, the, all the trailers are for horror movies and I get so mad. I'm like, I did not buy a ticket for horror movie. I specifically chose comedy because I don't want to be startled. And what you're doing is you are startling me with like your insidious number nine

and your who knows what else terrible horror movie, The Nun, The Nun Goes on Vacation. You know, I don't need to see all these horror movie trailers before my comedy, which is half the reason why I stopped going into the movies. I'm like, I don't want to be terrified before I see my comedy. And that's kind of like sort of the same thing, I think.

Yeah, and that's our way of saying, Silas, please don't get people pregnant. Okay. Yeah, and that too. So now Noel's like, is it hot out here? It sure is, hi. And Alex is out, you know, doing his meditation, his meditation cosplay. He's like listening to a CD Discman

or something going, oh, oh. It's just his own voice probably going, oh. His trill vibrato. That's his trill vibrato from last week. I'm not a huge fan of Alex, but I really did love his trill vibrato. So Bria sits down next to Alex in the middle of his meditation and then Milo tries to bite him, which I thought was great. That was Milo's best move so far. And Alex is like, I'm sorry. So congratulations, Milo tries to bite him, which I thought was great. That was Milo's best move so far. And Alex is like, I'm sorry.

So congratulations, Milo. You are now no longer going to receive those Facebook invitations to the Music Collective rooftop parties. Brie is like, oh my God, did he try to bite you? I'm so sorry. He's like, well, I think I just scared him. He sensed that I really don't want to date right now.

Just put him on a waiting list there for a while. I just googled Milo. He's crazy. I don't feel comfortable being in the same house with him. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things.

Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane too. Can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small and then it gets so big. Hey, honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now!

From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Dis and and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. So Simon on Frives in pink flamingo pajamas. Oh God, this drove me nuts, you know why? So, Simon of Rives in pink flamingo pajamas! Oh, God. This drove me nuts.

You know why? Because it's not that he was wearing pajamas. It's that they didn't match. Did you notice that the blue, the shade of blue for the upper pajamas were a different blue for the lower pajamas? It was almost like he had bought the top separately and he had bought it like two months prior and had been to the wash a few times. And then he was like, oh look, there's also bottoms

or vice versa. And like the lack of consistency amongst the Navy shade of the pajamas drove me nuts. Me too, I didn't know if it was supposed to be like that or what. I was like, maybe since it's all one solid pattern, they were like, oh, we'll change it up by slightly changing the background color on each piece. I didn't know what was happening.

Yeah, it was cheap. That's what that was. It was cheap. And he did not arrive from Ferrari this time, which is very confusing to me. So, um, Nick's like, so I've got questions about these flamingo pajamas. First, where did we buy those? Second, First, where did we buy those? Second, why did we buy those? You look crazy. And I'm in a straw flat, Orville Redenbacher hat with a sweater around my shoulders. So.

So then Simon goes outside and when I was like, oh, hi, how do you say hi in German? Hi, hello, hello, hello, oh my gosh, wow, you got mom pajamas. She really is talking to him like she's known him for years. She's like, wow, hello, hello, and pajamas. It's like, does baby need some applesauce? She knows who she's dealing with.

So then he hugs Bria and she's like, oh my God, Simon, are you crying? And he's like, no. Oh, okay, well, kind of killed that moment, Simon. So they go in and sit in the diary room and he's like, shortless with his boobs. He's like, look at me, I'm shortless with shaved boobies. What do you think of that? Hopefully you have time for me, get it? Pun intended. Love watches. Yeah, I literally had to sell my shirt off my back because the plane tickets were so expensive, Bria.

So Bria's like, yeah, we haven't seen each other in one month and we haven't even talked. Yeah, you ignore me. You don't have time. You call me tomorrow. I understand. I love you. I love to be here.

Hello. And he just starts to make out with her in the diary room. She's like, okay, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. So then Donald is the next to show and Preston's like, oh my God. Of course you show up the second I go to the bathroom. Which I feel like is true love.

Yeah. Anyone who truly loves you will call you while you're on the bathroom. Which I feel like is true love. Yeah. Anyone who truly loves you will call you while you're on the toilet. That's just how it is. Yeah. That's usually when my parents call. Me too. I have to settle on down and then the phone calls

and it's like, it's dad. Me too. And vice versa, like I'll call and then my dad is like, hello, what's going on? Are you? Why is it echoing? Are you in the bathroom? Yeah. Okay. You know that you don't have to answer when you're in the bathroom, right? By the way, I have to say, so during the Gatsby premiere, so you know, like the, before the show starts, they do this like sound. So like it sounds like phones and everything. So it reminds you to put your phone like to turn your phone off. So I put my

phone on, do not disturb. And I put it on to vibrate. I was like, okay. And then the show is going like during one of the big ballots, all of a sudden my phone starts to vibrate and my watch starts to vibrate because it's like everything. I'm like, what the fuck? I put it on, do not disturb. And so then I'm like, I'm like, I like reaching, luckily it doesn't make any noise, but I'm just like, so then I like, I reach in and like,

I like, you know, I hit the thing to send it to voicemail. And then the entire time I'm like, oh my God, they're gonna call back, they're gonna call back. I guarantee it was my dad. I guarantee it was my dad. And, and I was like,

I wanted to like go in and put it on airplane mode, but then the act of taking out the phone, that's distracting. I'm around everyone who's very important on the show, so I don't want to be the plus one that takes out their phone in the middle of the show. At intermission, I pull out the phone, and of course it was my dad, and he was just calling to say, hey, I hope the premiere goes well tonight. It's like you called during the premiere, dad.

Always, always parents always know when to call at the least opportune time, but we love them. We love them. We love them. Um, so let's see. So then Donald shows up and he's cute and, um, Brea, I don't know, it's just this show, it's a summer house show. So some people are like, I want to get drunk. And then some people are like, oh my God, it's a pool. And then Amir is going to go get his girlfriend. And then we see that Preston's man, Donald, his, or no, Amir is taking flowers to the airport

and Brie is like, oh my God, Amir, you got flowers for your girlfriend. And Simon's like, oh my God, I'm sorry. I forgot. I forgot. I put it on a reminder note on my iWatch, but unfortunately my iWatch is a Timex from 1927 for sale if anybody wants it right now from Bria. So then Bria is like a little feeling, you know, she kind of feels a certain sort of way because Phil is on the island and she island and she just like wishes Phil could come to Preston's thing as cocktail party.

It's actually Jordan's thing. I wrote it down wrong. Oh no, you're right. Preston's cocktail party and then Jordan's freak-nick party. I got it right. Why do I doubt myself? Go ahead. No, you did a great job. And so, so she has Preston and so, but before actually, she's

gonna ask Preston. I fucked up your life with my interrupting. I fucked up your entire life. No, you look, no, it's not your fault. It's that like, the worst part is I hate getting tangled up in the details of like minutia of when that's just like people milling around, you know, it's like, oh, he went into the kitchen. Oh wait, no, I'm sorry. First, like Bria went into the kitchen to get a soda and then Amir went in to get a soda.

And you're like, it all doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter, but the thing is taking notes on this show is if you don't write down the minutiae, then it turns into something important. And you're like, wait a minute, how did we get here? And then you have to rewind it 10 times to figure out where it began. And then it takes longer

and it's just easier to write everything down. Because sometimes there's like little clues in the beginning that you don't notice until later when you're like, oh, she was giving a look when she poured the coffee this morning. And now I know because she was really upset about Nana's eyes in relation to, you know, Donald bringing flowers

or whatever it is. Exactly. So Preston tells us a little bit about his history with Donald and says how they met in 2019 because Donald messaged him on Jacked, which is a gay hookup application. And now they're moving in together. And Preston

says that he loves that Donald what he'll do is he'll like raise a single eyebrow and that means he has something really shady he wants to say but he's just not gonna say it which I like that that's a that's a nice call no someone yeah I know you do I've met you boy I. Because I am that. I'm like, no, I'm like that. Your boyfriend is like that. Oh yeah, Dom is totally like that. Yeah, Dom gives you that. Well, Dom gives me that look. I'm not even his boyfriend,

but he gives me that look all the time. He gives it to a lot of people. I could murder you right now, you know? I'm just like, come, hi. Oh, so Simon's like, so we just started this Phil conversation, Preston, okay? Because I would like Phil to come. I need a Lhasa today.

They're like, what? Lhasa, I need Lhasa today. We don't know what you mean. I want to Lhasa, Lhasa, Lhasa, Lhasa. Lhasa. So he's like, I'm going to assume that means laughter. Yeah, Lhasa. He's like, okay, well, I'm not gonna invite him,

but I don't have beef with him. We're in a decent place, and I've got this new red Tweed hat. And so, listen, wherever the world wants to take me today, you know what I mean? Again, the most considerate- You're fucking with my Tweed hat. Okay.

And Donald's eyebrow. This is the most considerate show show because literally every other reality show in the history of reality shows has people just showing up at the house, be like, surprise. This is the only show where it's like Preston, I just want to hold space for you. I know that Phil made you uncomfortable and I want to honor your feelings. I know it triggers a lot of fear responses

that go back to your childhood, but I wish that you would also hold space for me and know that Phil is a friend of mine and I would like it that it would be a safe place for me to be able to invite my friends. It's like, sure, I will let you invite your friend because I want this to be a safe space for you and your friendships,

but I choose not to put myself in that box, so therefore I will not be the one. It's like, just let them show up, just like have Phil show up. Yeah, and you know, whoever got this all to happen is so pissed right now that this show is ruining their casting. They're like, we're trying to save the season,

and you guys are blocking us at every turn. Who insisted that Jasmine tell the whole house what was happening here, you know? So then we get my favorite scene. Well, my, oh God, it's storming so bad here. Texas is so crazy. It's like, it's just fine, everything's fine. And it's like, boom, boom, boom, hellfire.

Everything's falling, trees are falling down. And then it's just calm again all of a sudden. It just stopped again. It was like, God just decided to pass by, throw a bucket of water on the house and just keep walking on. He's like, okay, just one more time, I'm here. I'm God, thank you.

Okay, anyway, one of my, the beginning of my favorite set of scenes, the Amir and Natalie scenes. So they're coming back from the airport and they're holding hands and she's like, my handsome boy, I miss you. She's just looking at him like, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

My eyes are microwaves and right now I'm cooking your insides. But her voice is like, I've sure missed you. But she's also the sort of person that says things like that and you know that she has a response that she wants to hear and it's up to Amir to be able to guess what it is and say it exactly correctly. So he's like, uh, and he says, um, he's like, okay, um, uh, so here's the four, four one one summer is very touchy. I've seen it with

all the guys in the house just letting you know. Okay. So I've, uh, I have a, I villainize one of the women for you. Does that make you feel better? Yes, you know, I noticed that already. I told you, I noticed that she's very touchy. I don't like it. He's an asshole for this. And he's already got her riled up before she comes. And he's like, I just want to remind you that you need to start fights over me.

And then she's like, you better not let her get with you. They're in this whole delusion that people, everybody else wants to date them, but they're lucky enough to be dating each other. And if they let anybody else into their dating each other thing, I don't know what it is,

but you two need to get the fuck over yourselves, okay? Fight amongst yourselves. Don't go start fights with everybody else in the world because you can't handle your own hot mess. Yeah. Well actually I think what Amir is doing is a few things. First is that he is trying to give himself a pre-excuse for if like he and Summer are handsy and Natalie's like, why aren't you touching her like that? Why is she touching you like that? Why na na na na na na. This way he can be like, Oh no, this is just her thing.

She's handsy. Like don't worry about it. But he's also at the same time setting Summer up for failure, right? Because he's definitely planning to see that like Natalie should be like careful around Summer. I think he's doing the good old fashioned fuck boy thing of pitting women against each other so he'll feel hotter. And you have to remember, this is also a guy who works out 19 hours a day

and is extremely good looking, but also has the short factor, which is, we all know, is a huge insecurity in men. And he spent last summer getting humiliated on TV by going for the other hot person in the house, the other model hot person in the house, and getting completely rejected. So now he's coming back on TV and he's like,

not only do I have a hot girlfriend, everybody in the house is fighting over me. So I think, and it's sad, because Amir, you shouldn't have to stoop to these levels. You work out enough, you shouldn't. These are homely people levels of stooping. You're really gonna say to Amir, stooping down to a level, that's just cruel, Ronnie.

Oh, nevermind. Oh, so you're not stooping. Okay. Sorry, that was my bad. Could you pick up my keys while you're down there? I hate bending over. So, Bria, like he has a huge insecurity. Let me just go in.

He deserves it today though, cause normally he's nice, but this whole like, I'm gonna pit women against each other to feel hotter. And also to make my, I'm gonna create situations that don't exist so my girlfriend feels like I'm fighting dragons for her. So silly. Now, that being said, we then go back over and Bria's like saying, so is this the first time

that we're gonna be meeting Natalie? And Summer says, oh, I met her. She was very standoffish. I was very warm. And she was like, ew. I'm like, okay, let's look, I can imagine that Natalie was standoffish for sure, but let's not act summer. Like you were very warm. We have yet to see you actually be very warm. That's the whole irony of your name is that that your name is Summer, and you have yet to be like, just a bundle of sunshine this entire season, or any season.

Yeah, but I think she was sensing the true vibes from Natalie, because we see Natalie's vibes. We see them very clearly. I mean, she's giving them the whole episode. And I can be like, I can see Summer being like, hi there, I'm Summer, I love Inner Peace peace and you know, generally on key musicianship. How about you? And her just being like generally on key musicianship. Well, I mean, the thing is this summer is basically,

it's basically the Aubrey Plaza of this show. So like she, her, her ability to be like very warm is pretty limited. Like that it can really only go so far. And so it's just funny to me that she thinks that she's being super warm when she just doesn't really have that ability. That's true. She is, she is kind of a frowny face.

Yeah. So then, you know, Amir is assuring, why am I calling her Vanessa? Natalie. He's like, so- She has Vanessa energy. why am I calling her Vanessa? Natalie. He's like, so- She has Vanessa energy. She feels more like Vanessa than a Natalie for sure. I might call her Vanessa a few times in this

because she does have Vanessa energy and I'm not sure why. I've never noticed- She just does. A fiery quote unquote Vanessa, but here we are. No, she has a huge Vanessa energy, 100%. Huge Vanessa, huge Vanessa energy. A hundred percent. So that girl, it's if anything, that girl is a Vanessa. I'm telling you.

So Amir is like, if you feel anything going on, I just want you to know, babe, it's me and you. Okay. If you feel any, any tiny women flirting with me, they can't help it. It's just nature, babe. Okay. But at the end of the day, I choose you. The whole world may be choosing me, babe, but I choose you.

I just want you to know that. Why does he sound like he's about to go in and like storm Osama bin Laden's compound? Okay. Like you're going to a summer house. They're just all people who want to bang me though. If anything goes wrong, just remember, I always loved you and Summer was the handsy one. So. Send our children.

Summer, dark. I don't know, I thought there might be a pun I could make. I'll just say, zero dark. Dirty. Hey. I'll stop that. So then back to Summer gossiping, she, dirty, hey. I'll stop. So then back to summer gossiping. She's like, I mean, I understand like if that girl, if not Vanessa, if Natalie has something with Jordan,

because like her man liked Jordan, but that had nothing to do with me. So I hope that she's not upset with me. And Preston's like, well, you know, but maybe her reaction isn't you at all. Maybe her reaction is her. well, you know, but maybe her reaction isn't you at all. Maybe her reaction is her. Okay, you know what? Can we just think someone's a bitch?

Know what I mean? This is like, stop- Stop therapy-ing everything to the point where I can't even call somebody a bitch. It's like- I know. She's a bitch. You never know.

You don't really understand anybody else's life until you've spent a scene in their movie. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Can we just try to have a reality show here for one gosh darn second? Guys, consider me a Payless shoe source and let's all spend some time in Natalie shoes.

Okay, wanna try these on? Need a shoe horn? Need me to shoe horn those in there? Okay. So now everyone's getting ready for tonight and Brea calls Phil. She FaceTimes him and he's like, Oh, you swagged on me last night. She's like, Oh yeah, I fell asleep, but I have good news.

Preston said that you could come to the event. So, you know, go in and you can bring your friend, meaning Mariah. And Phil's like, okay. And he goes, Hey Mariah, you're coming. And then he pivots the phone and we see that Mariah is riding with Phil and Bria's like oh Well, okay, who was not expecting that? Okay Holding a laundry basket waving at the phone. She's like hello Bria

Hello throws a sock at the lens. It's like ow Hi, I just wanted you to know I'm better. I've got a laundry basket with a clean dog toy in it. So Bria's like really upset, but she's trying to be like more of an adult, you know? So- The thing I love about Bria is she's absolutely not trying to be more of an adult ever,

which is hilarious. That's true. So she is laughing like too hard now. She's like, okay, so then point ding. Oh, this episode keeps doing the point ding, ding, point, the arrow pointing at people. This morning they were like, ding, point. It's just Noelle putting on pajamas. And then later for some random reason,

point, ding, it's Jordan. They didn't do anything. It's just random points and dings. So the girls are, Summer and Jordan are like getting ready and stuff. And Summer's like, is Amira's girlfriend here yet? And Jordan's like, yeah, I saw her outside. I thought it was you for a second. And Summer's like, ugh,ira's girlfriend here yet? And Jordan's like, yeah, I saw her outside.

I thought it was you for a second. And Summer's like, I'm tired of meeting people, especially because the first time I met you, you weren't nice. So like, let's try this again. Which by the way, I get that. Like sometimes you just don't wanna meet another person, but also like, don't be like rude about it.

It is like the guy's girlfriend, even though she is, as we all know, the worst. commercials, here comes one right now. So, um, cloud music is Natalie comes in and meets people and Amir showing her around and he's like, my relationship with Natalie, it's the most important relationship I've had to date.

But she also challenges me, which is hard to do, because I'm a very strong individual. By strong, I mean like a magnet, where people are just falling all over me, taking off their shirts constantly. But Natalie is a strong ass bitch, so. Wait, I don't wanna say bitch, I will say chick. She's a strong ass bitch, so, wait, I don't want to say bitch, I will say chick.

She's a strong ass chick, I respect women. Even the ones taking off their bras every time I walk into her room because I can't help it. I mean, God bless them, it's nature. So then Amir is like, hey guys, you guys want to come and meet Natalie? She's super cool. She's like really, she's like so fun. She just can't wait to meet you guys.

You wanna come meet her? Like, yeah, we'll be right out. We'll be right out. And then basically they just never elect to go say hi to Natalie. That's so mean. It's very, they already hate this girl. And she already hates them too.

Yeah. And I love it. So then he goes to change and then he's saying, so Jordan, so Jordan finally comes out and he sees her, because he's basically like waiting on the stairs, like, is anybody going to say hi to Natalie? Please people be nice to Natalie. And she's on her way downstairs, so he goes, oh, hey, Jordan, you want to say hi to Natalie? And she's like, and Natalie is waiting by the door, like, is anybody going to come say hi to me? So she's waiting by the bedroom door, like, surely someone is anybody gonna come say hi to me? So she's waiting by the bedroom door, like, surely someone is gonna come say hi to me.

I've heard him saying, do you wanna say hi to Natalie? 10 times on that goddamn banister, somebody is gonna say hi to me. And so she runs back to the mirror and act like she's just getting ready. But instead of coming to say hi, Jordan just goes, oh, is Summer downstairs? Bye, I'm going downstairs.

She just goes downstairs. I mean, I think it's really rude, to be honest. I mean, Natalie seems awful, but I think it's just like rude that like, this is like Amir's girlfriend that he's like excited about. And like, she's like a guest in your house and you're just like, mm, nevermind. I mean, go downstairs.

It is definitely mean girl behavior. That being said, Natalie is a monster, but I mean. Well, she's not to them though, you're right. We haven't seen why they're like that to Natalie yet because Natalie hasn't really done anything. Yeah, I think it's really mean. It is, but then we kind of see why there's tension and it's Amir.

We all know, yes, I'm the problem, it's me. Thank you, Taylor. It's Amir. He was like, oh, well, Natalie knows that every single woman in this house has expressed some kind of interest in me. So, you know, she already knew, because I've told her,

basically everybody wants to bang me. Or, you know, there was one who didn't have any interest in me that I wanted to bang. So the only person I actually wanted to bang didn't want to bang me, which is Jordan. And everybody else just wanted to bang me. So kind of awkward for Natalie. Whoops.

I don't really have that memory of all the women pining after Amir. I mean, Shanice had her boobs out, but that's because Shanice just had her boobs out. That's just what she does. I just remember Amir just forcing Jordan to do things like kayaking and like having walks on the beach and her being in misery the entire time. Yeah, he was doing Austin lover things, you know, oh my God, it's a lake, let's go kayaking. And then you get in the lake and you guys go slowly and you're like, oh my God, we're in Austin, we're in a lake. You know, that's like the kind of things we do. But you know,

people who aren't from here like you are like, ew, lakes are smelly, you know, so you have to know your audience. So Amir says that, you know, so Natalie being here this weekend, I hope I can offer her some reassurance that I'm like doing what I said I was gonna do, which is stay away from Jordan. I'm like, that is, I'm sorry. The fact that like Natalie is insecure

about this situation also when Jordan was so above and beyond not into a mirror, but she's still insecure and that somehow Jordan is like oddly the bad guy here. No, that doesn't make sense. So the pendulum swings back to Natalie. And now my rage goes focuses on her for this. I can't agree with you on that one. I think he, she's mad because he's making her mad. He's like, she doesn't know anything going on in that house.

Why would she give a shit about Jordan? If she watched the show, she sees that Jordan is not even a little bit into him. So whatever she has in her mind is there because he's planted those seeds, I think. So, poor fucking Americans. Why is he so insecure? I mean, hi.

I guess, nevermind, that question just answered itself. Go on. I mean height. I guess, nevermind, that question just answered it. Go on. I mean, I think that probably, in reality, it's not about Jordan being the bad guy. It's about Natalie feeling insecure that Amir still has feelings for Jordan,

and so he can't even go near Jordan because it could make Natalie feel insecure about her place with him. But all that really does is just make Jordan the villain. And it's like, that's not fair to Jordan, even though Jordan was now just super mean to Natalie. I was going to say Jordan is pretty villainous on her own. I don't know that she needs that much help sometimes.

I don't know really what I'm arguing about. I don't either, but it's fun to argue. So just keep it up. Whatever you're doing, keep it up. I like getting feelings during this. So then Amir and Natalie is like, so Amir's like, so you're giving a look. What's that look for?

You're giving one, right? Is that a look? I don't even know if it's a look. It is a look. Are you getting good vibes? And she's like, uh huh. Inside you're boiling. Your heart may be beating now, but it won't be beating long. Cause I'm saying a spell,

a spell that will explode your heart. Everything's fine. So now they all get into vans to go to this cocktail party and they hit a pot hole and, um, cause Alex is driving, of course, of course he drives into a pothole and, um, cause Alex is driving, of course, of course he drives into a pothole. He's like, and then, um, they get there, friends are there at this like rooftop bar where this cocktail party is happening. And then they're talking about freak Nick, cause they're doing a freak party later on. And new,

I was talking about how her dad was always at Freaknik and all that stuff. And... Pete Slauson She said that's maybe how she was freaknik-ing. Jared Slauson It's so funny. So then basically, they all go to the party, Mariah arrives, nobody really says hi to her except Jasmine. And you know, because Phil and Mariah are coming. They're really, I mean, Phil, I can see being villainized cause Phil really did tear through that house like a villain. But Mariah didn't as much.

So I don't understand why they're treating Mariah like that. But maybe it's because she's coming with Phil, who knows. But Nick is like, listen, how do I feel about him coming? Phil and I have only been in the same space once. One time, okay? I go to Wimbledon, I go to the Kentucky Derby, I go to golf, I go to tennis, I'm in Tokyo, I'm in London, I'm in South Africa,

we don't do the same things. Okay, is this the second season in a row that he's bragged about the Kentucky Derby? That's like literally the first person I've ever heard being like, I mean, I go to the Kentucky Derby, so sorry, don't know your name. He's like, it's like being in a public space, you know?

And there's a person there, how's that gonna affect me? I really don't care. So Nick is pretending like he's totally unbothered when he is completely bothered by Phil this entire episode. Yeah, he's, he's, he's bothered. So then, um, Brea is like, I can't be bothered with Mariah. She's like, I don't give a fuck.

We can coexist, but I don't care. I don't even care. And obviously she cares as well. So then Phil is gonna go start apologizing to people. So now's apology hour. So he goes to Preston for hugs, and meanwhile, Amir is hugging Mariah, and he's like, yeah, well, this summer Mariah and I have exchanged some messages, and God, just trying to get Natalie to believe that we are not in love has been a lot, but you know, she was apparently pretty upset with me because of last summer. And then they put the actual

text on the screen, which is Mariah saying, I've been trying to give you some time at Amir. It's disappointing that you haven't been man enough to take accountability for putting the dog's clothes inside of the dryer. I heard it from others and waited until episode three to see that it was actually you, and you could have at least mentioned it. But the fact that you watched two black women argue, and that could have went left real quick, voted, hugged, have seen multiple times, et cetera,

and didn't speak, speaks volumes about your character. And then he gives the therapy speak. Hi, Mariah, thank you for texting me instead of taking this to the group chat to resolve since this is how you feel about me. And two, I'm sorry that you feel as if you need to question my character because I didn't personally apologize to you.

So basically she's mad because he started that whole fight, which we know. But his thinking is she was asked to leave the house because she put hands on somebody period and that's not my problem. That's her problem. Um, yeah, except the thing is again, this putting hands on people like, I think this is doing a disservice to people who actually have hands put on them because I think that this is like Mariah took that bundle of laundry and shoved it into Bria's chest. So yes, one could say it's violent. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I get it all. Violence is never the answer. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But like when people talk about putting hands on people, we're talking about like in my mind, I'm talking about like a smack to the face, like a punch, a kick, whatever. And I just feel like this has been elevated into like the crime of the century. And I do think Amir should apologize because two women were going at it and someone got kicked out of the house because of it. Well, no, she got kicked out of the house

because she shoved the laundry into Bria's chest. She didn't have to do that. No, she definitely did not have to do that. But I just don't, I don't know why She didn't have to do that. No, she definitely did not have to do that. But I just don't, I don't know why he didn't step in in that moment and say, guys, it was actually me. I know you're mad at Bria. Like he could have chosen a path to actually create peace and to like, uh, resolve this and not have it escalate. And he chose not to, and then he giggled about it afterwards. And it is kind of fucked up.

So he should apologize just because he was being a shitty person at that time. Yeah. Um, but he's not going to, he's like, I don't owe anybody an apology. So then Jasmine is talking to Amir now and she's like, oh, you, you should work here. You look so nice in that suit. And he's like, oh, you should work here, you look so nice in that suit. And he's like, well, maybe the Obamas need a listing agent,

but you know, Natalie's much better than I am. I mean, she's so good, Natalie's so great, because you know, she's a luxury agent. I'm just more for like common folk. And then Natalie goes, yeah. He does under a million and I do over 2 million. So I basically do what he does in a year. I do that in one month.

Okay, so you're not a mathematician, I get that. But I think you need better math skills than that because you're incorrect. Your numbers aren't. Also, congratulations, you started dating someone who has a shred of fame and now you're on his platform and then you're going to shit on him while you're on his platform. Let's be honest, that was probably one of the appeals to why you started dating him.

She's a dick. She's an absolute asshole. And also, just while we're shaming people, Austin is an extremely expensive city. You can't get a house here that's like a decent house. And I don't mean imagine, I mean a normal house for less than a million dollars. So I'm so confused. Do they mean million dollars in commissions?

Because a million dollars in sales is maybe one house, maybe, and two million in commission or one house. So I'm confused. It must be commissions. I would. So I'm confused. It must be commissions. I would like to watch one of her videos now because I'm always amused by Amir's videos. He's always like, hey, you looking to make a splash in Austin?

Well, this house has brand new cabinets and a great kitchen island and a bedroom that will be great for romance, but also getting away from the world. So if this is interesting to you, reach out to me, Amir Lancaster, and I'll be the one to put you in the house of your dreams. Yeah. I just wanna see what hers are like.

So let's see. So then, dun, dun, dun. So Bria and Mariah are talking now. Okay, so now it's a Bria and Mariah apology moment. So Bria's like, so Bria and Mariah are talking now. Okay, so now it's a Bria and Mariah apology moment. So Bria's like, so how you doing? And she's like, well, I wanted to actually check on you. How are you doing?

I feel like that's what's really important today because I just want everybody to see that I'm coming in here only caring about your feelings right now, Bria, okay? I just wanna make sure that you've recovered from what was clearly a very traumatic experience of having a sock pressed into your chest with a little bit of force.

And I know that that could be a very difficult thing for people to get over. I know that there's a lot of therapies that people do use to get over sock-based trauma. And I just hope that it's working out for you. therapies that people do use to get over sock based trauma. And I just hope that it's working out for you. And, um, Brea mentions that she has tried to reach out multiple times.

Mariah has just tried to make up with Brea over and over again. And Brea has just kind of rebuffed her. And so she's like, well, thanks for calling. And Mariah is like, well, you know, I'd love to squash stuff. Now, first of all, I didn't know. It wasn't you that put the dog's clothes in the dryer. And the only reason it blew up like that is I'm allergic to dogs. I could have died.

And Bre is like, yep, you said that. And she goes, yeah, and listen, it's not Milo. I love Milo. I mean, the way he rips up toilet paper, eats your makeup, poops on the inside. I mean, what a prince. Great dog. Great. But you know, I just snapped because it just felt intentional. It felt like someone was trying to murder me via dog laundry. And you know, I wasn't quite sure who did it. And then

when I asked you and you didn't say that you didn't do it, I mean, Amir could have avoided a lot. What I'm trying to say is we should both be mad at Amir. Do we wanna go over and yell at him with me? I think that'd be kind of fun. Both of us together, you know, reunited as friends, going after Amir, all that fun stuff, you know, fun things. Yeah, but he's gonna get away with it, cause he's hot.

So then we see Preston and Nick calling Tasia, and they're playing clown music, which I think is kind of, I love when they do that. So then Nat is hanging out with the girls, and they're like, oh, so where are you from? Are you from Texas too? And she goes, no, I'm from Miami. And they go, oh, Miami, oh, Miami, wow, Miami.

She's from Miami, whoa. So then Phil gathers the guys. He's like, guys, I wanna talk. So they all set up and everything. And Jordan's like not gonna, she's not here for a Phil apology, right? Cause she's like, I am not interacting with with him immediately after we got home from last summer He was in my inbox or tweeting at me just saying oh you still mad. I don't like you. Okay before or after that's it

So then Phil's like guys, no, he was saying oh, you're still mad at me. You're still mad at me And she's saying listen, I don't like you. I didn't like you before And I didn't like it after Yeah, I'm only correct. I don't like you. I didn't like you before and I didn't like it after. I'm only correct. I wrote it badly. So it feels like guys, I want you to know, I'm sorry. And Nick is like, yeah, what happened was pretty chaotic. More chaotic than that time. I went to the Kentucky Derby and one of the horses went the wrong direction. I'm sorry. No one else does that. No one else does that.

Sorry guys. I forgot what crowd I'm in. Am I right? I mean, you're all just people, people in the same space as me. And so here's like, well, I don't really fuck with bullies. Um, cause if you might have noticed I'm short. So I generally stay away from bullies. And the way you came in kind of escalated shit. And Phil's like, well, you know, that tequila was really expensive. So I drank it because I wanted to look cool. And I honestly don't remember much because I was tequila drunk. Nick's like, you got to stop blaming it, which, you know, you know, at some point, Nick will then blame tequila for one of his actions. They're like, no, no, no, I'm not blaming it.

I'm not blaming it. And personally, like, um, you kind of are. And Nick's like, Nick's like, I don't have time for this. OK. The preakness is starting in two weeks and I have to get my outfits ready for it. So then we go over to Mariah and she's saying how it's the new summer and she's just going to move on and she just wants to have a good time tonight. And Brie is like, yeah, you will. And so Brria's pretty much like, okay, she's like, you know what, I'm a very forgiving person when someone is honest and I'm glad we spoke our piece. She was like, I'm very forgiving until 10 minutes later when I pretended I never forgave

you in the first place and then start a fight with you for no reason. But for now, I'm forgiving her. So then Amir, back to the guys, Amir is telling Phil, this is a righted-eye group, and that's why I stepped up. And then he paused, then he pauses and he goes, and to attack all of us. And Phil's like, no, no, no, I'm not here to attack anybody.

And he goes, okay, well then we're straight. And then he pauses and he goes, so as long as you don't show up. And Phil goes, no, no, no, no, no tequila other than that one shot. And he goes, okay, you're gonna let me finish him for those no, no, no, no, no, no tequila other than that one shot. And he goes, okay, you're going to let me finish a sentence, right? Okay, well then stop pausing. You keep pausing like it's his turn to talk. I mean, I'm starting to be team Phil, like apologizing. Like, what do we need to do to the guy for

Christ's sake? He didn't brick anybody's windshield. You know, it's a reality show. He's acting like a dick. Okay. He's, he's sorry. I'm not saying move the guy back in, but we've all wanted Phil to come back. Let's be honest. So Amir is like, he's like, you know, these are my boys and I'm going to stick up for them. Okay. I mean, we're just like, make it love, make it, make it all love. It feels like, yeah, man, well, I appreciate you accepting my apology. I'm like, I don't think anyone accepted it, but that's fine. Oh, literally nobody accepted your apology. They all walk off pissed off still.

I know. Bill's like, whatever. I've got tall privilege. He does. And he's cute too. And his apology did suck. I just think it's like not worth a speech, you know? It's like, well, I stand for the friends in my group. It's like, okay, all right. Let's relax. Let's relax, let's just relax. So then everybody's decided to move on, I guess, right? So then everybody cheers. And then it's time for the Freaknik party. So everybody gets dressed crazy for Freaknik night

and DJ Jordan is gonna DJ today. We're gonna get to see DJ Jordan in action. Yeah, I hope DJ Maddie Reese is not jealous that someone else took a gig. So Nick has full body tats on because there's like an airbrush artist who airbrushes like tattoos or whatever, just things onto their bodies.

So Nick has like a gold chain and he's fully tatted up and so he's giving a totally different vibe than what he normally does. And what I thought was funny was that Alex also did like body tats, but he had like a little jacket and he wasn't getting any attention. Everyone was like, oh my God, like Nick is like so hot. We didn't know that Nick could be hot like this. They're all like, all the women are kind of like, wow. And then they're like, oh my God, like Nick is like so hot. We didn't know that Nick could be hot like this. They're all like, all the women are kind of like, wow. And then they're like, oh, but when he starts talking, it's still Nick, so it sort of sucks. But yeah, Shanice is like, oh my God, he's like so hot.

Look at him, he's like so hot. Oh my God, he just talked. Oh, I probably lost my boner. That boner was like my current job, gone. Gone, completely gone. Shots. Okay, so later Noelle's eating the food and she's packing it to go.

She's like, I'm saving this food. That is my kind of girl. So then they get in the hot tub, it's hot tub time. The girls are taking selfies, everybody's having fun. Amir and Natalie get in the hot tub first and the only other one there is Summer. And they're like all over each other and Summer's like awkward. Because now they're just being performative on purpose because they've made themselves believe that Summer is after Amir.

So they're being like as all over as they can in front of her. Yeah. All over each other as they can in front of her. So then Preston's like, so what's next for y'all? And Amir's like, well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Natalie, what do you think is next? And she's like, well, I don't know.

What about you? And basically, Natalie, Amir's like, well, I think the next best step would be an engagement. And everyone's like, whoa. I mean, they've only started dating like nine months ago and everything. So she's like, that's why. Which I like.

She's like, well, actually having him join my team was a pretty big step in our relationship because I'm much better than him. So, you know, letting him join my team that's so much bigger than anything he's ever accomplished before. I mean, I would say that's a pretty big step in much bigger than anything he's ever accomplished before. I mean, I would say that's a pretty big step in a relationship.

And he's like, marriage, wedding rings, engagement, dress, children, you know. What could possibly go wrong? They live together, they work together, and she loves to announce that she is a superior realtor than he is. So I think this is a recipe for success. So it's announced that we're playing Never Have I Ever and they immediately get out. They're like, this is trouble.

This is going to cause trouble in our relationship. Let's go. So they leave and Donald is on the couch snoring inside because it's so funny. And then they're just watching him. Amir and Natalie and Alex are all watching him. And then he lets out like the cutest little fart. It's like, yes.

I don't even like that word, but it's Donald. So it's just so cute. It comes out like, meh. It's like, meh. It was like his fart had a little raised eyebrow on it. Like his fart had something shady to say, but wasn't gonna say it. So now they are outside.

Okay, so this was a little hard to follow. So they're playing Never Have I Ever. Someone says, never have I ever sucked a dick. And then, so Summer is like, wait a minute, you haven't sucked a dick? You're a damn liar, a damn liar. And Mariah's like, wait, you haven't done that? Noel goes, no, I've done it.

They're going, oh, you're playing it wrong. Cause there's always a person who doesn't know how to play it, right? And they just get to doing everything. Yeah. So, well, right. And so basically he, cause I guess in this, but I thought that she was just trying to have an excuse to drink, right? I thought she said,

never have I ever sucked a dick. And then she drank because she had sucked a dick, but summer gets like really upset that the rules of this very important game have been violated. And she's like, that's not how it works. Wait a minute. That's not how it works. That's not how it works.

And she's like screaming like, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And so then Preston's like, no, we talked, we talked about her. And then Summer's like, you're getting testy, you little bitch. And he's like, no, we already told her the rules. We explained the rules, how they go. And Summer starts to feel really like, no one has my back on this. Am I correct? Is this what happened, Ronnie? It's hard to tell. She got pissed. No one even understood it enough to explain it because

they're all trying to explain it to the audience and nobody can really get it. Summer just starts a fight. She's just wanting to fight with somebody. And she's outside the hot tub now. She's going, get out of the pool, bitch, I'm not scared. And they're like, what? And then they're trying to explain it. Nobody really knows what's going on. And then Jordan is like, so no one gets this basically.

So Bria's like, well, I don't know what's going on, but the alcohol is bringing out some emotions and it's not us. This is a personal problem. So, Bria gets it. Like, Bria totally understands what's going on because that is what's happening. Summer's got a lot of bad news. Things aren't going great and she's kind of starting to spin out of control and take it out on whoever's around her for whatever reason. So, Bria sees it and that's why it's so funny that Bria then continues to fuck with her the rest of the night. That, Brea sees it and that's why it's so funny that Brea then continues to fuck with her the rest of the night. That's how Brea is. She's like, this girl is obviously in some emotional turmoil. I'm going to fuck with her now. Then it begins. And then, so Summer says, so...

I was confused. So, she's about to throw her drink. So, Summer's like, get out, bitch! And she acts like she's going to throw her drink. But then they like, get out bitch. And she acts like she's going to throw her drink. But then they cut to it immediately after. Now she's back in the hot tub going, Bria, I would never throw my drink on you. I love you to death, Bria. And she's like, I love you too. And they're like, okay, let's squash it. She goes, yeah, let's squash it.

We love each other. Right. So then everything is like fine now. So then later people are going to bed. Natalie goes to bed and then, um, the mirror follows her and everyone's inside and people are just like hanging around and summer like Mariah and Alex are at the sink and summer's like, why are you doing this in the kitchen sink? We have four bathrooms upstairs.

And Alex is like, why are you yelling at me? She goes, I'm not yelling, I'm just asking a question. And it's like last summer, one of the things that was so attractive about summer to me was that she came in lucid. She was caring and kind. I'm not really noticing that last year, but also I didn't notice the camera when she was taking pictures of me

in front of that restaurant, so I don't know. Maybe she's just sneakier than I, sneakier than I gave her credit for. I'm a sensitive soul. So, um. I love how Alex relates everything going on in the house to how fuckable that person is to him. He's like, wow.

You know, something's going on with, something's going on with that girl cause she's not very fuckable to me today. He loves building narratives about how crazy the women are. So, uh, now it's bedtime and Shanice. So Shanice is like in her bed. Like is this when she's just like eating chicken out of nowhere, but she's like eating in her bed. She's in her bed and then like, Noel's in there.

Noel's like in a wig. She's like dancing around everything and Bria comes in and they're just like all joking. And they're talking, I guess the door doesn't lock. So saying like, what's the code word if you wanna come in? Like meow, meow, meow, meow. What's the code word because they can see that their friend is still pissed off, right?

Cause now Summer's walking around the house all pissed off. And so everybody's like, oh, like what's the code word if she is still pissed off, right? Because now Summer's walking around the house all pissed off. And so everybody's like, oh, like, what's the code word if she comes in pissed off? Because this door doesn't lock. And they go, oh, okay, the code word is, yeah, they go, the code word is meow meow. And they're still playing, but Summer's coming up the stairs. They keep showing Summer coming up the stairs. So they're playing and having fun. And then Summer comes in and goes, why are you guys leaving me out of everything? And Bria goes, cause you yelled at me. Bria who just said, this woman is having emotional turmoil

is now going to start messing with her. So she goes, what? Oh man. Then Denise immediately goes, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. So Summer's like, and I've apologized to you seven times. What do you want from me? And Bria's like, I'm not going to lie. I didn't do nothing to you. And Summer's like, did I not apologize seven times and say, I'm sorry, I was drunk? And then she's like,

and Noel takes pics and laughs. Oh, she goes, take pics and laugh because Noel, meanwhile, is like, there's like a lot of cross talk because Summer and Bria are hashing this out in like one corner of the room. But like Noel is like trying on different looks with her wigs and Shanice is like giggling with her. All right, they're trying to not escalate Summer. They're trying to still have fun even though Summer's

like about to have another meltdown. So they're like laughing. And then Summer, meanwhile Summer and Brittany are fighting, Bria are fighting and Summer's like, to have another meltdown. So they're like laughing. And then Summer, meanwhile, Summer and Brittany are fighting, and Bria are fighting. And Summer's like, well, I mean, I guess you guys just have your own friendship and you guys should just concentrate on that. And so Bria's like, well, that's not fair to say because you have your friendship with Preston and Jordan. Now they're fighting about who has other friendships. And so Summer's like, I promise you that friendship's not great. Ugh, just leave me alone.

So now, thankfully, dagger. Yeah, Noel's like trying to, first of all, Noel's like, because Summer has stormed out of the room. And so now Noel is like, no, I wasn't laughing at you. Because that's the thing is that

Noel was like laughing because she's in the way, but Summer thought that Noel was laughing at her. So now Summer's like, fine and storms out. And then Noelle's chasing her throughout the house to be like, no, I was laughing cause I was in a wig. I was taking funny photos, whatever. And Noelle and Summer's like, fine and whatever, go have your friendship with them. Go be friends with them.

And she had said, she even says like, you know, Preston just lost his dad and Jordan is losing her hair and our friendship is becoming really heavy. And when I see Noel and Shanice and Bria, you know, it's like, they have his lay heart and fun and like, there's just an ease and I'm jealous and I wish I could have that. I'm like, yes. And the best way to be able to join in on that is to walk into their room and start, start berating people. Yeah. and then she does what you had mentioned earlier where she communicates perfectly about how she can't communicate something.

She's like, I just feel like I'm drowning and I'm overwhelmed by life and I just don't know how to communicate that. I don't wanna feel like a burden, but how do I communicate that? Like she's communicating it beautifully actually. Yes. So then Shanice is just trying to eat in bed.

She's just trying to eat in bed. She's just trying to ignore all this, right? So now Noel and Summer and Bria come back in the room and Summer's like, I just need to collect my thoughts, okay, I was wrong and I apologize and then it was brought back in, it was brought back up. Bria's like, I'm not mad at you, it's just like, I'm being ganked up on and accused of things, which by the way is not happening. And Summer's like, I have your back.

She goes, but do you have my back? So she starts with her again. Bria is finally getting, she's finally getting some traction here. She's been trying for weeks. Yeah. And she says like, what has she not done? And Bria's like, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. So Summer's like, Bria, this is your girl, this is your girl, Noelle. This is yours, Noelle. And Bria's like, she's not taking is your girl, this is your girl, Noelle, this is yours, Noelle. And Brea's like, she's not taking sides, Noelle's not gonna take sides. Summer's like, I'm asking what can I do?

What can I do? So Noelle's just trying to calm things down. And so she's trying to keep her in there. And Summer's like, get out of my way, Noelle. And she kind of pushes her. And then she goes, oh, what are you happy now? I just pushed Noel. Are you happy? You dumb bitch. This is why your man doesn't fuck you, you dumb bitch. Like, Whoa, it's like, what? Meow meow. And so then she starts tearing through the house. She's like,

I'm so mad. I'm so bad. And Noel's like, no, no, no, no, no, please calm down. And then she's like knocking things off table and then like, you know, kind of tossing an Amazon box off of a table onto the floor. And it's like, John, John, John. Someone's upset. That's the climax. Yeah. Will someone ever pick up the Amazon box

she just swatted off the console? And that's the end of. Summerhausenmasseuse Vignette. Everybody thank you so much for being with us today. We will be back manana with some below deck. And in the meantime, check this video out if you want it over on Patreon and bonus episodes, etc. Right now we're doing Vanderpump Villa over there.

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