Watch What Crappens - #2417 PumpRules, Part 1: You In Danger Girl!

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

*This is part 1*Vanderpump Rules (S11E15) is done for the season… and maybe forever? Or maybe it’s just the end for Ariana?  We have so many questions!  What an awkward way to celebrate Kyle Chan.  Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. What happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to Watch Where Crap In's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben, that's Ronnie. Hey Ronnie, how's it going? Hi Ben!

Hi! Welcome. Welcome to the recap of the season finale, or is it the series finale, or is it just the Ariana's finale? Is it anyone's finale of Vanderpump Rules? Wow, we don't know. What does that mean? Did you just fire Ariana in your head? In my mind, I thought they were saying

that Ariana was leaving the show. That's how I mentally, that's how I interpreted this episode. Is that, is it? Or they were leaving that suggestion that she might be leaving it. I don't know, it felt how I interpreted this episode. Is that, is it? Or they were leaving that suggestion that she might be leaving it. I don't know, it felt like the end of something. It felt very much like, remember when Kim Zolciak quit

Real Housewives of Atlanta and she was at like, she was at a meal, they were all at a restaurant and she was like, I'm done. And she walked up and she got in the truck with Kroy and they drove off to happily ever never. And she walked up and she got in the truck with Croix and they drove off to Happily Ever Never. And it just seemed like she was leaving the dinner. But then it turns out she actually had just left the show. And that's happened like a few times on Bravo

where someone has like literally just walked off and you don't, and you're like, oh, this is like when Tinsley did it, when Tinsley's like, you know what, I'm gonna go. And she like got into a car and drove off and then they gave her like a goodbye Tinsley thing. Yeah. I don't think this was that. I don't think so because Ariana is not walking away from a check for Tom Sandoval. I don't think she's going to be like, okay, I'm going to give up zillions of dollars a year because of that worm. I think if anything, she'll go, if they make it like that,

like you either have to shoot with him or whatever, I would think that she'd be like, no, I'm gonna show up just to spite him, you know? But I don't know. Maybe. I know, but it was like the finale, that it just was, the end of this episode was just like full of so much.

I don't understand breakups. I never do, I never believe them, I never think people are gonna break up. When someone quits at work, I'm like, they'll be back. Every time, like I never think anyone I never believe them. I never think people are going to break up. When someone quits at work, I'm like, they'll be back every time. Like I never think anyone's really going to walk out or quit anything. I just assume everyone stays everywhere forever. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know what to say to that except that before we're already diving into this real quickly, as you know, as I hope you know we're doing shows

in London Dublin and Birmingham London is sold out thank you very much to everyone go to watch crappens.com to get your tickets also we have a project that we are embarking on and that we actually need help from the crappens community two things actually so we want to we we cover a huge amount of shows and we write notes for a huge amount of shows. And actually, one of our listeners, Colleen, has been helping us do some notes, which has been a game changer for us. And now as we go to Europe, we're going to need actually even more help for writing notes. And you know, Colleen's already doing a great job

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So if you can do that and have the same night turnaround and not be a fucking flake, then give us a ring over at watchwhatcrappens at gmail.com and put in the subject line, transcript, transcript gig. What do you think about that? I thought you said transcript gay. I'm a transcript gay.

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our friend Paul is gonna go through and he's gonna start making playlists of shows and seasons. So that way, if you say, you know what, I wanna listen to the recaps of Real Housewives of New Jersey season seven if you say, you know what, I wanna listen to the recaps of Real Housewives of New Jersey season seven, you'll be able to come to our website and go directly to a Spotify playlist

that shows all of our New Jersey recaps that came from season seven. So, you know, we're going to be needing everyone's help to help Paul because there's a lot to go through. So we'll have more information about that. But like Ronnie said, if you are interested in transcribing, just email us, watchforcrapins.gmail.com. Transcript gig. Yeah, we want to get this operation up and running. Guys, 12 years into it, we're going to get profesh.

Because certain things are coming back that have been on forever and people are emailing us all the time, like, where do I find this episode? Where do I find this? And people have been great on Reddit, making playlists and stuff like that. And so we're gonna just jump in and- What a convenient place. Solve all that info.

You know, bring it all together, make it useful for everyone. Yes. And we're gonna have fun with it. So. Okay, so let's move on to Vanda Pump Rules. Wow, Vanda pump. Wow. Season finale, season 11 episode 15.

Wow. We, here we go. Here we go. Well, is everyone ready for some, uh, San Francisco, some cloudy San Francisco weather? Cause that's what this episode is. So we're back in San Fran. There's a trolley. Uh, Dan and Ariana are snuggling in bed in this hotel. I don't know what hotel this was, but it depressed me. There's the Argonaut, the Argonaut. That's right. It was very, it felt a little bit like a dorm or like a boarding house, right? It was like brick walls and everything seemed kind of small.

Is that just me? Welcome to San Francisco. So, uh, there's Dan. I've never stayed in a non awkward weird spot in San Francisco. And we've been there a bunch now and it's been weird ever since. Do you remember that time I had a fit and had to move because the air conditioner, they didn't have an air conditioner at the hotel. Who lives like that? How do you even go to a big city and there's no air conditioner?

Are you fucking kidding me, town? Bye. I can't believe I actually have to Google, does this place have air conditioning because of San Francisco? Like I literally have to Google that now. I didn't know that we lived in that kind of a world with places without air conditioning.

Come on! Well, San Fran has, it defies expectations. So, um, so there's some snuggling and then we have James and Ali hanging out in bed and James, um, is saying it was really sort of awkward to hang out with Sandoval and Ali's like, yeah, I wonder if Dan is going to come around today. Like, have they even like met? Um, I think she means the hour sent like, has he met Sandoval and James is like,

but tonight, tonight's gonna be the big meet, you know? What was the family? So then we go to Lala and Katie. James seriously has cried every episode this season. Yeah. I just wanna point that out. Somebody help James, okay? I know that a lot of people in the audience take it as like,

oh my God, James is crying. He's really showing his emotions. James is so grown up now. No, crying every episode is, and this isn't like a man thing, like, oh, be more masculine, bro. It's not that. He's a basket case. That's what I'm saying. Somebody help James. Something's going on over there. I don't know what it is, but it's something. Go help him. It's not going to be me. I'm not a very helpful person in that way, but I can call the police. You know what I mean? I'm the person to make a call. If you need help called, that's great. Just don't call me for help. I'll call Ben to come help you.

Anyway, the point is, help him. Okay, so Lala and Katie. So Lala's like, every time I would ask Ariana, is Sam going to be okay on this trip? Like, what if there's an interaction with Santa falls? She's like, Dan has been in fights before he does not fuck around. And if Santa fall were to walk up to him, like, Hey, how are you? There's no way that then would shake his hands. I'm like, this guy sounds like a fucking squares. Okay. He's like, hmm. I think he's like the sweetest person Sorry, it's the morning I have extra in me And then say on the ball meanwhile is just in his room and he's brought his Phillips Hughes

like his room is fuchsia at the moment and he's face timing Schwartz and Short say oh look, I'm in the hot tub. I'm in the bathtub. I mean, look, there's jets in the bathtub. Isn't that amazing? Oh, it's amazing. I wish I had my rubber ducky, because I'm a little boy.

You know, so crazy Tom Sandoval has to plug in a black light wherever he went. How did nobody see the DNA all over him when he was coming home? Like, you know what I mean? Because That's like literally a CSI tool. How did we not notice? No one noticed, you know? So yeah, he's like, well, he's like, I thought your sandal ball says, I thought your hands were your toes for a second, because you have such long toes. He's like, Oh, my God, I thought you said, let me see your toes again for a second.

toes." And he's like, oh my God, I thought you said, let me see your toes again for a second. Tom Sandoval looks crazy, by the way. His face looks crazy. Definitely all stop shaving our faces. Because remember when he was like shaving his whole entire face from like, Manzo-ing it up. ... like Caroline Manzo. I used to do that. And I've stopped now. Actually, no, I didn't because I actually shaved in between my eyebrows here the other day because I was in a hurry. And then look, they're uneven now because I use a really big razor.

I use one of those ones with five blades in it. Wow, I'm an American. So I'm like, put as many blades as you can in there, Big Mike or whatever it's called. Big Mike? And it's like Mike's razors or something. Oh, I forget what it's called. It's like it's Big Mike or whatever it's called. Big Mike. And it's like Mike's Razors or something. Oh, forget what it's called. It's like it's Big Mike.

It's just like the, it's like he's the brother of, uh, he also makes some subs in Jersey. Tissues. He makes a big, it's like Mike's or I don't know, some premium Razor Black. It's very premium. Okay. And he got, anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about today. Let's all stop shaving our faces is the point. Cause Tom Sandoval is not looking good. Okay. Yeah. got, anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about today. Let's all stop shaving our faces is the point because Tom Sandoval is not looking good. Okay. Yeah. Terrible. He also, I mean,

I kind of feel like he's on broids cause like he's just sort of getting like more and more swole every episode in a way that like does not just happen from, you know, hitting that, that home gym. So it looks like it looks like Matthew, it looks like crystal Matthews mixed with fillers. Not accusing anybody. I'm just saying as far as facial trajectories go, that's meth faced with fillers, but I don't know.

Maybe it's a lot of Adderall or Adderall or something. I don't know, but dude, you've been shaving your face for too long to be, to be using groids or meth or whatever you're doing. Okay. I don't like you, but take fish oil and stop using whatever it is that you're using because you look nuts. You look crazy. Yeah, he is. He's on a journey. So then we go to Sheena and Brock and Brock's like, so it's time to help you set up

everything via performance. And she's like, yeah, like all the sound for like all the performances. They're like they're like building a stage and it's like a big How do you feel about last night's convo did you get to sleep on it? What are we gonna do about Tom Sandoval? Why does everybody care so fucking much? I Know did you wonder that at all? Like who cares? I mean, he's obviously still coming around Why do we all have to make such big, huge decisions about it? Yeah. Because it's the season finale, but I just feel like, yeah, I mean,

I understand why she knows torn cause she feels bad turning her back on someone who is like, has, has like done nice things for her. But I just feel like she's just overthinking it. Just like, just like go with the flow. Like he's a piece of shit. It's really not that hard. But she knows like, well, like we have like a good productive, we have like good productive conversations. And then it's like, are you like genuine or are you like playing me because like, or you know, I was going to like feel different about him and like not think anything's good or genuine because like, what are you doing? I'm like, if you're questioning whether or not your friend is genuine or not,

that's already an inherent problem with this friendship. So it's time to move on. Yeah, and who cares what Ariana thinks about him being genuine or not? Do you think so or not? And I think at the end of the day, Sheena is choosing, this guy sent me a PayPal when I was broke,

which is not completely insignificant. Yeah, that's actually a very legitimate thing. I think so too. I mean, the guy PayPal'd you when you needed it the most, nobody else did that, and now he's gonna pretend your music gig is legit and wasn't just handed to you by your friend who is leeching off of your Instagram following

and the TV show that you're on. And that's something too. I mean, a friend who will buy into your delusion is also not insignificant. And so I say, just be friends with him if you fucking want to, but don't go up to the ex and cry about it like she's supposed to feel for you

and get some kind of passport into being his friend. It's weird. And I guess she's doing that because Ariana said she will not be friends with her ex's friends or whatever. I get it, but you're doing it anyway. What do you think she's gonna think of when she sees this whole season and you secretly slidin' around everywhere?

Exactly, you know what, it's almost like, just be friends who you wanna be friends with. If you decide you wanna be friends with someone, just be friends with that person and back yourself up in it. Don't be afraid. If you wanna still be friends with that person and like back yourself up in it. Like, like don't, don't, don't be afraid. Like if you want to still be friends with Sandoval, even though we all think he's a piece of shit, you know, you have a different relationship with him than the rest of America does. And like just stand in your truth there. And if

Ariana has a problem with it, then you also know where you stand with Ariana, quite frankly. And like, cause if you guys, if you and Ariana are really tight friends, you know, like I understand, like you want to be loyal to your friend, but if you want to be friends with someone, like ultimately you have to be, you have to make the friendships based off of what you want in your life and what matters to you.

And you can't make your friendships based off of what someone else says. And also- What matters to you is getting PayPaled. And you know what? That's okay. This is America. And nothing is permanent on this show. How many times have people just hated each other and then the next season, their friends. So if you lose Ariana now as a friend,

I guarantee it will not be permanent, you know? So, well I'm not advocating to turn on Ariana. I'm just saying, Oh yeah, you're backing on you guys. I'm totally counseled by the bubble community. Ben is off the show. This is now a solo show. No, I don't think it's really the getting dumped by Ariana thing, even though that's what she's saying

for the show, it's the getting tortured online thing, which they mentioned a couple of times in this episode. If they don't choose the right side, then the fans bully them and all this stuff. And I get that, but you're already doing it, Sheena. You're not living in this bubble. This has been taped. This whole season has been taped.

And so you're pretending like, oh, well, you guys can't be mad at me because I'm not saying I'm friends with them. You are. You're shooting with them. You're doing the whole thing. You're hugging him, crying, working it all out. And people are just going to bully you. I mean, that's part of the price of what you're doing the whole thing, you're hugging him, crying, working it all out, and people are just going to bully you. I mean, that's part of the price of what you're doing,

you know? That's the price you pay for what you're doing, and sometimes you're going to take shit. But the whole, I think it makes it worse with this whole fakery of like, I really need to make sure Ariana feels okay. If that was the case, you never would have spoken to him in the first place, and you guys would have all banded together and not shot with him. Now, I'm not saying that's what you should have done, but you could have done that and you didn't. So you guys slowly let him back in because why? Because you're jealous and we see how you're sitting around there with LaLa. Obviously you guys have been talking a certain way about this relationship and Tom and Ariana this whole season. And finally, LaLa just completely

lets that mask fall off to the floor and becomes Dorinda on her last episode of Real Housewives of New York and the glitter turban with lipstick smeared all over her face. You motherfucker! We're shooting with Tinsley? Tinsley doesn't have to do nothing. Now, dad, you bring up Tinsley's name and just does a full fucking Dorinda. And we see you, you know what I mean? So you can think you're pulling one over on everybody, but you're not. So just as Katie would say, say it with your chest brah.

Actually, I think Katie would say it's weird. You're weird. Um, I think in 2024. Yeah. I think that's Sheena ultimately like there's a way in which you can be like friends with Ariana and there's a way in which you can be friends with Ariana and there's a way in which you can say to Sandoval, you know what? I've moved on. Our friendship is different now. Because by the way, five other people in the cast have done that. She's the only one who's really struggling here. She just can't figure it out. Because Sheena's also struggling with the fact that she's trying to center herself as the main victim in all of this. She was not the relationship and she was not

cheated on. But somehow Sheena is the biggest victim in Scandival. So she's trying to position herself and like, how do I not only get Ariana to not be pissed at me, but how do I forgive Tom when I act like I'm the biggest one, I'm the biggest victim here and she still hasn't forgiven him. You know? Yeah. So, um, you know, like, and Brock's like, you know what? The truth is that like I added those two, Ariana and Tom, I'm sorry, but I love Ariana, but she doesn't reach out. Tom reaches out. And he says that Tom has been the most generous and caring friend that we've had in our whole friend group and he does things and acts with Sheena, like does things for her, like without, like whenever she, Sandoval does things when Sheena needs him and doesn't like advertise,

it doesn't tell people, he just does them. Listen, he buys his friends in a way, you know, so you know, you can be bought. So have fun with that. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. I'm Shimon Yai and I have a new podcast called The Competition. Every year, 50 high school senior girls compete in a massive scholarship competition. I wouldn't say I have an ego problem, but I'm extremely competitive. All of the competitors are used to being the best and the brightest, and they're all vying

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So then Sheena is a quality pod, I cannot agree with that internet. So please do not come for me. Ariana is a very good friend to me and I talk to Ariana the most people in my life. Okay, more than most people except my Paso Doble teacher. Wink, wink. Just saying whenever you're ready for me, I'm still here. I mean, I talked to Ariana more than most people in my life. I don't know if she talks to me though, because otherwise I probably would have known about dancer with the stars, but that's okay.

I'm not mad at all. And Brock's like, well, actually was. She bails out at things often. Yeah. But like in this group, Ariana is like the person that probably isn't going to show up, but like always wants to be invited. And like, I will never turn my back on Ariana cause I'm on TV and because she has always been there for me. And so like, obviously I'm team Ariana America, obviously. And Brock's like, you got a dog in the fight now. Oh, shut up, Brock. Of course you're going to stand up for the fucking cheater.

Okay. So, Trolley gang going up on a hill. So James is just hanging off the pole. Now all of this talking, I can't believe we're already 20 minutes into this because I do have to say in general, this is extremely boring and I'm glad they're taking a year off

or whatever they're doing because there's nothing in this season left. It has been squeezed, it has been dripped out. The fact that they're only making it to 15 is crazy. And I think they were supposed to do 14 and they somehow squeezed another episode out of this is crazy. James hanging off the side of the trolley was one of the more exciting moments of this episode. Only because you know how much he was annoying all the locals because he was hanging off the side of the trolley going, Hello San Francisco! I just played San Francisco!

Wiggy wiggy wiggy wiggy! He's like, nce nce nce nce! Nailed it! Nailed San Francisco! Yeah, Brock is like, oh I feel like I'm Mrs. Deathfire remember they went in the trolley? Yeah! I would love to see Brock dresses Mrs. Deathfire. He would just probably look the same with like a little wig on. Yeah. I would love to see Brock dresses. This is doubt fire. It would just probably look the same with like a little wig on. Say hello kids. I'm from London and I'm a nanny and I'm here to be close to Sally

Field. Doubt hire. Um, so cause he doesn't have a job ever. Okay. So, um, he's like remixing the trolley. He's just like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding ding is remix everybody. So I can't, see, I love James on the trolley. I'm sorry, came to see the one. I was like. We'll be talking about it in another 30 minutes. I honestly was disappointed in the editors

that they did not splice in a Southwest airline flight over James in the trolley. Like I feel like they should have maintained that even in San Francisco. Yeah, I think so too. So Lala is like, so, Arianeth, were you always gonna come on the trolley, even if the other person was here?

She's like, I don't know. Like why do you, why do you, everywhere we go, we have to be questioned about fucking something by Lala. Why is, what's up with the trolley interrogation? Like, is this a genuine trolley excursion for you? Or is this only because Sandsville's not here? And I have to say, it's like literally you're you're you're questioning the most boring people.

I mean, I'm sorry, but Dan, like Dan has nothing to say. OK, I'm sure Dan's a very nice person. But from what we've seen on the show, literally has nothing going on. Okay. I'm sure Dan's a very nice person, but from what we've seen on the show, literally has nothing going on and she just keeps questioning him. If this were an episode of law and order, it would have been over before the second, don't, it would have just been like, don't. And there would have been no second dunk cause we would have all just tuned out

before we even got to this part. Okay. So we see sand of all setting up over at Kyle Chan's event. Um, and then we go back to James, sit on the trolley like, next stop, Chinatown! Like sir, could you just try to be, you're like a celebrity, could you just try to be chill right now?

You're hanging off a trolley being, listen, I've been to San Francisco many times and I've never seen someone as obnoxious and terrible as James on this trolley. Listen, even if you go to the Grove, you don't see people acting like this on the trolley there. This is just mortifying. So we go to House of Nanking and she was like,

hi, hello, thank you, thank you. She's like, hello, hi, House of Nanking, hi. I actually went to this restaurant once. It was really good. So, which you know, because the whole rest of the episode, everyone's like, the meal today was amazing. So they are ordering food and Brock's like, say, what did everyone do last night after that amazing 1920s Great Gatsby Al Capone sort of clockwork orange party that we did.

And I was like, um, I cut it with KS in bed and we watched TV and then it just shows them sleeping in corpse position in bed. Cancel the show. Just cancel it. Just end it. What are you doing? You're on fucking vacation for the season finale and they just both show them both like laying in the corpse position in bed Watching real houses. Okay at this point just bring in the villa van der pumpy people even though we How dare you don't even That was the show that made me almost quit reality tv Um, I did like that they were sleeping to Lisa Vanderpump was on TV going, the crowd is heavy, darling. So then yeah, there's just more talk about this,

just like the cuddling and everything in Schwartz. And then Sheena asks Schwartz, have you ever had like a threesome? He goes, oh, not yet. You know, every story from all my friends is that threesomes are not as good as you might think they are. I mean, I'm not ruling it out. But it's like a bucket thing, right? I don't know. I guess in the past, the only threesome I ever thought about was me, Butters, and Gordo.

Oh, no, that's so wrong. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh. If I ever woke up after having a threesome with Tom Schwartz, I would consider the bucket, for sure. I would definitely be looking having a threesome with Tom Schwartz, I would consider the bucket for sure. I would definitely be looking for a bucket to kick. So Schwartz is like, wow, so, you know what, if you release CO2 from the beer, then you get less bloated.

Okay, why is this show still on? They should have canceled it one scene ago. Now there needs to literally be someone standing there with a gong, okay? Now we're talking about how you get less gas. And by the way, Schwartz says, I don't know if this is, uh, factually correct. It feels like it's not correct. And then Brockles, is that a thing? I'm going to cross reference with Dan, Dan the bartender. And Dan's like, I did see this on YouTube. I was like, that's not make it realer.

It just means someone on YouTube said something. Well, isn't that history? We study history, that's all that is. I mean, that's all language is. Somebody made one grunt and pointed at something and so now we're calling it Starbucks. Starbucks is the legacy of a grunt. So Lala's like, okay.

It's all okay. All right, Dan, you passed round one, which is why did you come on the trolleys? Now we're gonna get into the real shit, okay? So what do you do for works? And he's like, yeah, well, I train seven days a week, and then I'm also a bartender on the weekend. By the way, I like how last week they're like,

wow, Dan has two jobs. That is cool that It has two jobs, but being a bartender slash personal trainer is not like, I just don't put that in the same class as someone who is like working an office job and then it has to work like a retail job after, after work. I'm sorry. How dare you. Do you think bartending is easy? No, I'm just saying there's like a million personal trainers slash bartenders out

there in the world. Like I feel like that's like very standard combo. It feels like it's like, well, there are a million ants in the world. It doesn't make the watermelon slices. I'm just saying you're carrying in a line down picnic. When you hear of like someone who is like putting in like a, like a nine hour shift at a store and then has like an hour to eat and then has to put in a six hour shift at like overnight and then has like an hour to eat and then has to put in a six hour shift at like overnight at like CBS or something.

That's I kind of feel like the vibe that they were saying it in. And it's like, Oh, it was a personal trainer slash bartender. Okay. Like, well, welcome to LA. It's like standard. So, um, la la, I mean, I couldn't do any of this. I, they said train seven days a week, bartenders on the weekend, bartends on the weekend. And I was like, I took him out. Like I literally pulled a Katie and Lala

watching Beverly Hills. I went into the corpse pose. I was like, bye, I'll finish notes later. So then Lala's like, okay, I'm gonna ask you some questions, Dan. Okay, now, do you want your training to become the main focus of your life? Now, so what are you doing?

What kind of bartending is it? Is it serious bartending? Is it just beer pouring or is it like muddling? Do you muddle, Dan? Dan, tell me about muddling. Have you ever been married? Did you ever take a girlfriend to a trolley before? Did you, would you have considered not going in the trolley?

Can you stand up and be on that trolley? What about that? When was your last relationship? And he's like five, six years ago. And how come that ended? Did you not take her on that trolley? What about that? When was your last relationship? And he's like, five, six years ago, and how come that ended? Did you not take it around on trolleys? After the wedding? What was the last time you guys saw each other? By the way, did you guys have a trolley? Did you go to the Grove and go in the trolley there? How many trolleys have you guys been into on your entire relationships? And she's like, Dennis, I think this interrogation like a champs, he's not even breaking a sweat.

But I'll be damned if another person. Finger gun, finger gun, finger gun, finger gun, hot dog fingers. She does the, her nails are so long, they kind of remind me of hot dog fingers from everything everywhere all at once. Yeah. You know how like in that alternate universe they all had hot dog fingers? Every time she whips out those fingers, I just want them to start like hot dogging. But she's like, no one is going to come into the scripts and use us again. We've been used enough. Wow. I love her circling the wagons around this, this group of innocents.

Like we won't have anyone come to this group and be an asshole. I'm like, you realize you literally carried around. It's a show based off of people being assholes to each other. I mean. Well, I can't talk. I can't, I can't protect the show from users when you literally married Rant. No, you didn't marry Rant. Why do I keep saying literally? I know they didn't get married.

Why in my head are they married? They never got married, everybody. I know that, but she was gonna marry Rant. Yeah. So Dan, do you want kids? Because I think so. Oh, because whenever someone says, I think so, I'm like, you should definitely hold off, She was gonna marry Rats. Yeah. So Dan, do you want kids? Because I think so.

Oh, because whenever someone says I think so, I'm like, you should definitely hold off, you know? Jim was like, oh yeah, I might have you with son of all, yeah, and he's like, no. And what do you think about him? Well, I don't know him. I know what he's done. So yeah, I'm not hearing great things.

Hold on one second. I just need to step outside for one moment So I'm back now Nanking Dan knows what send them all stun wiki wiki wiki bing bing trolley remix. I Just played the house of Nanking everyone Nanking on cut James Kennedy. So she was like, okay, well, are you all right? Last night I put like things in a new perspective for Tom. I was like, have you ever thought about weaponizing

Ariana's mental health on top of what you already done? And she's like, yeah, duh. Yeah, cause in that moment, I felt like I saw the mask fall a bit. Like he really thought about it. on top of what you already done. And she's like, yeah, duh. Yeah, cause in that moment, I felt like I saw the mask fall a bit. Like he really thought about it. And then he was like, I really need to think about- Yeah, Sheena, you just changed the fucking world

by mentioning that Tom hasn't heard from the entire internet that telling the entire country that Ariana threatened to commit suicide when he said that he wanted to leave her. Yeah, everyone else has totally forgotten that, Sheena. You're a real fucking Nobel Peace Prize winner over there. Well, what I was surprised I hear was I thought her angle was going to be like, you know, I said, did you ever, like, did you realize that you were like weaponizing Ariana's mental health? And I thought Sheena was going to say, so I was standing up for you in that moment.

But instead her, this is all leads to her saying, and he was like, I really need to think about that. Like, oh my God, how did I not see that? I'm like, wait, so you're actually advocating for Sandoval? You're advocating like, look, I got through to him. He's changing, he's going to be a good person now. Yeah, that's what the whole episode is her trying

to get Ariana to forgive Sandoval for some reason, because that's what they're all pushing for. It's like, we need something to happen this season and the Ark would say, we finally forgive Sandoval and we can all move on from this season. Right. Pete Right, and be all- Pete Forgiving. There's no reason for that. This is so silly. This is the Bible. You know when people are forgiven? When they die. Okay? That's when they go to fucking heaven, possibly. You know, it's not like during life. The life part of it sucks, okay? The life part is full of sin and betrayal, okay? Now, whether you're forgiven, you know, only God, Jesus, and the guy who blows the horn on the way in there knows, okay? I shouldn't have

to fucking deal with it. That's your own personal story. The guy who blows the horn, unfortunately, is Sandoval. Oh, no, this one's Gabriel. That's your own personal guy who blows the horn. Unfortunately the sand of all This one's Gabriel he's actually trained so Gabriel Peter Gabriel would be mortified. You just said that imagine if it was Peter Gabriel Wow It's like a sized horn like what you reach heaven. It's like every every five seconds. He's like sledgehammer Enjoy enjoy that's for the people who aren't forgiven you see he sledgehammers their asses back down to hell. Listen, I know you think that you deserve to be in heaven, but let me tell you something. In your eyes, you deserve to be in heaven. In our eyes, you're going to hell. There we go.

It's a joke. So, heaven, Ben, whenever I'm with you, I realize, Oh, heaven is a place I'm at. All right, Belinda, this is my station, okay? Sorry. Peter Gabriel stuff. Do you think I'm into heaven, please? So reach your hands to heaven and pray.

I don't even know who you are. Breathe, is that the name of your band? I don't know. So Sheena has finally pointed out that Sandoval has weaponized somebody's mental health. She's really making strides. So Katie's like, so how many times are we going to believe this man's quote unquote, air quote? I know I just air quoted air quotes, but I just wanted to make sure that the air quotes were quotable enough that everybody heard them, even though they were made out of air.

How many times are we supposed to believe this man's tears? Seriously. I don't air quote, I quote. So Brock is like, no, because she has a fucking friendship with him that you guys keep dismissing. And Katie's like, I don't believe a damn word, a damn tear that comes out of him. Everyone's trying to make this whole sandal situation way more nuanced than it actually is.

When a guy fucks over your friend, fuck the guy. And at this point, Ronnie, when I was watching the show, I was like, it's strange, because I'm actually really in line with Katie. And like, she's sort of like, I feel like Katie's having a really good season. She's sort of like on the right side of history for me. I'm like, Katie's doing a great job this episode.

I think I'm gonna end this episode being like, huh, I think I officially like Katie. At this point of the episode, I say that. Well, that's good. I don't need to make a statement on how I feel about Katie in every episode. It's so weird. I mean, I rag on everybody in these shows, and I feel like I'm always going to.

I feel like it's become a scorecard of like, how do we feel about Katie today? Sometimes I like her, sometimes I don't. Just like everyone else on this fucking show. I will say when she's aimed properly, she's a great nerf weapon. You know what I mean? Like she's shooting the nerf bullets right where I like him,

right where they're deserved this whole season. So Katie's like, yeah, fuck the guy, you know, which obviously, correct. So then Schwartz is like, I mean fuck the guy, you know, which obviously, correct. So then Schwartz is like, I mean, he's not a trash person. He's just a good person who did a trash thing. And Ariana's like, a trash thing? Okay, a very trash thing.

Just one thing then? Okay, one really super trash thing. Well. Like he's not getting it at all. Yeah, she's like, you need to watch what table you're at when you talk like that. No, I mean a horrible, horrible trash, the worst trash you've ever smelled, like fish bones

and like spoiled milk, terrible, terrible trash. You can leave if you wanna talk like that. He did a trash, like, it was the worst trash of all time. I'm sorry, Ariana, I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't realize, it's awkward. And she's like, a singular one thing. It's like, okay, it's Oscar the Rouch. He's a green, he's a green funky monster

just popping out of a trash can. What do you want me to say? Stop talking. Stop talking. I'm just an innocent boy. Sorry, how's it been? And so Lala's like Ariana tries to put on a cool girl vibe but she cares a lot.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, finger bangs, finger bangs, finger guns. Says Lala who is This the definition of Lala's whole persona for the past eight years of our lives try to put on a cool girl vibe I cares a lot We can just roll back all the footage of every scene of Lala So Ariana's like watch how you talk like that in front of me She's yeah when she gets out of it's, sand the balls of monster and Ariana's the victim, she'll have to go through a mourning process. And I don't think she wants to deal with

that. I do agree that Ariana has to go through a mourning process, but like, why does anyone have to get out of the mindset that sand the balls of the monster and Ariana's the victim? Ariana was literally the victim. She was like, this is not one of those cases where it's like, uh, stop playing the victim. She literally was cheated on in a mortifying and like traumatic way. But the whole thing is why do they have to bring it up every two seconds? It's over. Just let it fucking die. This isn't like real life. No one does this in real life where you're like, Oh my God, would you make up with your ex please? My God. Are you going to ever talk to your ex again?

Oh my God, let's not talk about how she's feeling about her ex. Especially three months after it happened. Just fucking drop it, it's over. You know what I mean? It's just like people on your, I'm so sick of talking about it, and we have to, because we're fucking recappers

talking about what these losers are talking about. It's over, just let it die. I mean, she's letting the guy be around, so why do you guys have to keep pushing her into scenes? And fuck off, Lala. Bring Rand in here. How have they not brought Rand in for one scene just to watch this girl lose her fucking mind and go over the edge?

She's such a fucking hypocrite, I can't. Yeah, I agree. So Katie's like, um, Brock, you haven't been there for my entire lived experience. And Brock's like, well, I haven't been there for none of you guys' lived experience in this script. I was just a wee babe knocking on the doors of the NFL before I met any of you guys. So she's like, okay, so then stop then.

I'm fighting for my wife. She feels some kind of way. Listen, and Ariana's like, yeah, and Katie's doing the same thing. She's also fighting for your wife because she's defending her against the behavior that's been exhibited towards her by him, the trash person, trash, he's a trash person Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's a trash person, please, please forgive me. And just on the other side,

this is where I think the argument is being lost on her side because no, you're not. You don't need to defend Sheena from the trash, from the way that Tom Sandoval treated her. Sheena has her own relationship with Tom. You need to stop making it about like, oh, this is, I'm standing up for Sheena really in the end. No, you're not.

As you have every right to, and if you make it, if you make it other, if you make it other people's things, like I'm really standing up for you, that's what I'm doing, then it just makes them be like, but I don't need you to, and then it invalidates your whole thing. You don't owe these people anything, and you certainly don't owe any scenes with Tom to Sheena. And while she's not standing up for Sheena,

I think she's trying to remind Sheena, like don't fall for his charm attack, because Svartz and Sandoval is really good at being charming and really good at making you feel like, you know, special, but just know he's insincere and his motives need to always be questioned at all times. And like I'm sitting here saying like, don't forget the shit that he did to you, Sheena. You're being like kind of like swayed by the fact that, you know, he paid, paid you a thousand dollars on PayPal 10 years ago. Like don't forget the way he has not been great to you. So Katie is like, I get it, but it's still,

it's different when you're just friends with somebody who cares if he's sincere. He PayPals her and hires her people. That's all she cares about. She doesn't care about his ultimate sincerity and, and a deep relationship. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, um, now we go back to the Argonaut hotel and, um, there's Rock and Sheena's room, there's roses everywhere. And she was like, Oh, what's that? And he was like, Oh, I arranged it. Uh, I said, I want to have a bouquet of flowers in here. And I said, I also want a Wallaby. And unfortunately the Wallaby went nuts with the flowers, but actually made it look really romantic.

So it worked out pretty well. She's like, oh my God, like, I'm so glad I got that conversation out of the way with Ariana, because now she knows that thanks to me, Tom Sandoval may know that him weaponizing someone's mental health state might not have been a good thing. And he's like, did you tell her that you made up with Tom? She's like, oh my god, don't say that, honey. It's not that I made up with him. Sorry, internet. He misspoke. Okay. It's just that we had another step forward and we had a breakthrough convo. And then maybe one day we can maybe possibly

be friends. But right now we're not really friends. I'm like, hold on. I just got a PayPal notification. We are. No, it was just the PayPal credit card. We're still not friends. Oh my god, hold on, I just got a PayPal notification. We are. No, it was just the PayPal credit card. We're still not friends. We're still not friends. Commercials, here comes one right now. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name.

I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G-I-J-N-2, can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small, and then it gets so big.

Hey, honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now! From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai.

And this is Dis and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow dis and tell wherever you get your podcasts. So meanwhile, over in Sandoval's room, there's like now his light is green. He's changed his lighting scheme for the afternoon I guess. Schwartz walks in he's like oh man we just had probably one of the best meals our entire life. I mean I don't think I've ever had such a good meal and everyone was there oh except for you. Oh man I'm sorry oh anyway well I feel like I got to know Dan better and he's fucking great.

He's the best oh sorry sorry keep forgetting that you're not allowed to talk to him. Oh man. So in summary best meal of my life with the coolest new friend I've ever met. Oh, sorry again. Yeah, so great. He was so great. It was so fun. That's why Dan rhymes with man. He's the man can't wait to move in with him. Oh, sorry. And sound ofval's like, yeah I know, Ariana's got a good taste in men, bro. Oh, yeah, nailed it! Yeah, well we kept it pretty civilized and Brock spoke from the heart

and it felt like the girls were being like, hypercritical of Sheena, just for talking to you, it was crazy, all the girls, ah! Here was Dan, oh I'm Dan, I'm handsome, so handsome, I'm a hero. And then here were the girls, bah, bah! But then here was Dan, Oh, I'm Dan, I'm handsome, I'm so handsome, I'm a hero. And then here were the girls. Bah! Bah!

But then here was Dan. Oh, everything's great! But then here are the girls. Bah! Bah! Bah! Fum and get them out, eating dead body parts off the road. Oh wait, and then here was James.

San Francisco! He just kept on yelling it. So then, she knows FaceTime me with Lisa. This is Lisa's only appearance in the season finale. She's like, oh, sweetie, good luck tonight. Thank you. You look pretty. Thank you. Are you ready to give them apples? Thank you. Okay. All right. So Brock, please shake me a little bit. She's stuck. Darling, I'm so glad you could get a hold of me while I'm on the Vanderpump Rules off-ramp.

What's that? What are you talking about? Oh, it's I'm on the Vanderpump Rules off-ramp. Where's that? What are you talking about? Oh, it's called the set of Vanderpump Villa. Surely nothing can go wrong here. Hmm. Well, I did have like a really good conversation with Sandoval and I feel like we've like taken a few steps forward to where he like actually listens to me now. Well, I mean, look, Sheena, you've had a long history there. He PayPal'd you once.

You spoke to him. Let me ask you a question. Do you still love him? Yeah! Well, there's your answer, and here's my answer. You're too poor for me to keep talking. Now I must go talk with Martin. Goodbye!

So then to Lala and Katie's room, Lala's like, Sheena's got so much pressure on her and it's like, she just needs to have approval from Ariana's. Yeah, Ariana's like not gonna be like, I really support this. That was my husband, not Ariana's. Yeah, but she just needs to like,

she just needs to acknowledge the fact that Sheena had long relationships with Santa Claus and to be like, if you need to work something out with Santa Claus, just so you know, I still love you. Yeah. And Katie was like, yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen. Lala's like, right, that's pressure on Sheena because she now has to live her life for someone else who's thriving, but has mad rules for everyone else. Yeah, I mean, look, I think ultimately you do have to do that, right? Be like, okay, just keep it out of my face.

Do whatever you're gonna do on your own time. But enough trying to make me shoot with him or have conversations with him, you know? Yeah, exactly. I think a lot of that comes from just being so hurt. I think that's the thing. It's like, again, this is three months after this whole thing happened.

This thing was such a shocking thing for the audience, you know, like how outraged were we? We were touring at that time and every show we did, it was like, boo, I'll never forget that show we did in Charlotte, it was our first live show, like five days after this all happened. And it was like, people were like, like everyone was angry you know

all like fuck this guy there was so much rage for us and we're just spectators Ariana was actually on the receiving end of this and I think she's allowed to have moments of perhaps irrational rage and anger and being like fuck this guy and if anyone is a mutual friends with him I don't want to even hear it because by the way, let's not forget that Lala was the one who set this precedent the season before who said, who gathered everyone for a rooftop meeting and said, if anyone is friends with, with Rand,

they're not going to be friends with me and I'm going to make you sign this paper, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, I just think that there's like, it seems like there's no, um, leeway for her. And I think that like we are seeing Ariana start to sort of come back down and be like, I still don't fuck with this guy. You want to fuck with him. Fine. It may affect our relationship, but whatever. I'll still be your friend. Don't worry about it.

So Katie's like, Sheena feels like she should be the exception to this boundary that Ariana set for herself, but Tom did not just make a mistake. He made choices over and over again, every day, for like months. And he's done nothing but double down on those choices. Bubba, you wanna go have lunch?

I'll be right down. She's right though. She's right. Like it has been sort of like, Sandoval's done a really good job of being like, well, like dude, I just like did something that was like, I just like messed up. It's like, you know, you didn't mess up.

Cause this was- No, I know, I know. I'm just like, I'm so, I'm so glad this is ending. I'm literally so sick of talking about this. Not you, I'm not saying it to you. I'm saying it to you, show. Every single episode, it's like, oh my God, Ariana should be mad.

Tom's a cheater. I know, Tom's a fucking piece of shit. I just need them to do something else on this show. This show cannot limp along on this crutch that somebody cheated. Like, I can't take any more of talking about somebody cheating, especially someone like that. I don't even like him in the first place. I don't want to I just hope that there's some ending where he just gets run over by a cement truck. Like there needs some we need to have some kind of closure. I can't take it. So Schwartz says, I'm sorry about it. I mean, what else? What else can I say? So Schwartz is like, I

mean, I like it. I like the show. I think it's a great season. So Schwartz is like how he's like, how was your conversation with Sheena last night? And Sam was like, it was really good. She told me to like maybe consider apologizing to Ariana for like revealing some of the mental health stuff. And I think that's like something I could do for sure. Like that's like a really great like button for my arc. So yeah, I'm going to do it.

Oh God. So he's like, yeah, I'm not like not trying to be buddy buddy with Ariana. I mean, I know that's not gonna happen I just want the tension to subside a little bit, you know So Schwartz is like just have the conversation and don't be you know, don't be defensive He's like I just want to be like, you know what? I'm like working on myself like taking actual action to make myself a better person You know what?

I mean like to be a better person you need to like go to sleep with purple light and then have green light in the day. Like I'm light adaptable now. She knows how important that is to her room. Yeah, and if like weeks, months, years, decades from now, if she ever needs me, I'll always be there for her, especially if she's got a hot girlfriend. She can call me anytime.

Yeah, I can't wait till she starts calling Tom Sandoval for things. You fucking idiot. What's she gonna call you for? A face shaver? A glass pipe? Shut the fuck up. Certainly not a pitch pipe. Be quiet over there.

Call you. Pitch pipe. So now it's time to get ready to go to Kyle Chan's event, which I could have sworn they had said on a previous episode that was going to be held on like a private island or maybe I just added the private island part, but they did say island or whatever. It turns out it's treasure island, which is that island. It's like a park. And I think there's some sort of like federal something on there, but like it's the island you drive over when you're doing the Bay Bridge. You know when you do the Bay Bridge,

gonna do the Bay Bridge today, when you go across the, anyway, the point is this, I thought he was gonna be on an exotic island in San Francisco and I was so confused. And it's just like, it's like a regular island. It's like going to Roosevelt Island in Manhattan, I feel like.

Just really glad that I clarified that for the audience. So anyway, I wanna make sure everyone knows exactly what my thoughts were about this island and the concept of it, my expectations, and the execution of the island. I do not approve of this location. I do not approve of the buildup of this location. I came into this episode with a certain expectation

of what kind of island the Kyle Channadon would be on. They really sold me on this island and it's not what I thought it was. And it was really, if I had known it was merely just the island that the bridge makes a visit to on the way to connecting both sides of the bay, I would have had a totally different outlook on the episode. So we meet Hassan, the sound guy, and she was like, Oh my God, are you Hassan the sound guy? Are you like the guy god are you Hassan the sound guy are you like the guy from LA are you like from LA wait a minute Tom Sandoval you flew with sound guy from LA to take care of

the sound just for me this is the most important thing anybody's ever done for me Tom Sandoval you thank you so much you made my life worth it Tom good person alert good person alert Good person alert. You didn't even tell me you would be doing this. So it all feels actually very like she knew this was happening no matter what already. Like something felt a little staged about this. So she says, this is the person that I remember. He's my friend who does things for people, who hires audio engineers for people who want to sing on Treasure Island, which is actually a fairly standard island and not an exotic island,

it turns out. He's my friend. And you know what? It's so genuine and that's what like made this whole fallout so hard. I do remember who he was for me for like 15 years, but that's just me making it all about me again. But you literally are making it all about you. Still, you're so ridiculous.

And to pretend that he's just a friend that does things without you knowing, you had a full pre-production meeting about what Tom was gonna do for the sound to help you at this show. I mean, we just saw it last week. Yeah. Fuck.

So then people start coming to the venue and stuff and Tom Schwartz is like, whoa, it doesn't feel like we're on an island right now. Hold on a second. Anybody feel like they're on an island? Hello, San Francisco. Oh my God. I'm in an island DJ set. I'm totally here now. I'm in it. I just played Treasure Island. Wiki, Wiki, Wiki. So now people are taking pictures. There are a lot of people at this Cal Chan party. I'm not gonna lie.

I was surprised. I thought this was gonna be like a 75 person thing. I did not know that Cal Chan had such a following, especially in the Bay area. Well, I think he's got a lot of friends that are counting on that discount. Listen, people will do a lot for a jewelry discount. And they probably hear that Vannepump Rules

is filming on Treasure Island, and they're like, oh, dude. Here's the thing, and I forgot to mention this at the beginning, here's the thing about this finale also. They really set us up from the beginning of the season. Well, the show didn't, but the world did, life did. Life set us up for expectations, guys. And that is that there is a messy queen

who starts a physical altercation and throws a drink on somebody. So we're all waiting for that. Like when is this gonna happen? Okay, I just have to point that out. I'm looking for the queen. I rewatched the trailer by the way. Oh, it was in the trailer.

So they did set us up for this. I rewatched the trailer after this episode was done to be like, I'm pretty sure we saw that someone throws a glass of water at Sandfall. So I was like, okay, finally, we get to see this, what this water toss was that they used to get us into the show. So naturally they will of course show it on this episode. So, um, I'm so mad. I'm actually really mad about it. So they all get there. Um, I thought it was funny that she knew was

doing soundcheck during the party. Did you notice that? She was like, the party was going on and she's like, testing 123 testing, testing, testing. It's weird. So then we get a shot of Sheena's trajectory, her like behind the music with Sheena Shay, where she's like, this is the first time I'm not performing solo, because I have a band of dudes behind me, and I'm so used to performing on top of a bar after a couple of tequila shots.

And it's like black and white shots of the Beatles driving through town, but it's like Sheena on a bar at Cobras and Matadors. It's literally like Abbey Road. It's Abbey Road, but it's literally just like her walking in front of the Abbey on the road in West Hollywood. Scabby Road. So, Ariana arrives and Sheena showing up and Ariana has a

stye that's coming in. So that's her big... That's her big... That kind of year, guys. So James and Allie are kissing and kissing and just stop being so freaking cute. I was talking to the city not to you Ali. You're just a slut. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean that. Hey, do you want to go check out the sunset outside before it goes down? Okay, let me whisk you away. She's like, okay. So they go outside. It's such a nice weekend with everyone

at an alley-bally. I wonder if everyone's gonna make up with Tom Sandoval? Do you think Ariana's ever gonna talk to Tom Sandoval again? I wonder if Ariana would have babies with me? She's like, Yeah, it's so fun. I miss Hippie so much. I miss the cats. I just want to go home, but I'm having fun.

Know what I mean? Speaking of Hippie, I know I said that Hippie was my priority, but you are my priority. You're my number one priority, after hippie of course, and I love you more than anything. My heart explodes when I'm with you, which, sorry, this is just a speech I'm preparing for hippie. Every morning I'm just like, I'm the luckiest man on the planet to have found hippie again. Oh God, I love you hippie. I would do anything to make you happy.

Happy hippie, happy happy hippie. Oh my God, it works. Okay, hold on. It's like I've remixed my own dog. Happy happy hippie! Wiggy wiggy hippie hippie happy happy! Anyway, Ali, thank you for understanding. I'm gonna open the ring cam on my facetime and see if I can facetime hippie and get that speech out. Hello San Francisco! Wow, it really means a lot to me, it really does. And I know I'm not ready for marriage yet, but when I'm, when I do get married, I want to get married to Mr. Beggs. How dare you, Ali Begg?

I gave you my heart. I left my heart literally in San Francisco. When I was a teenager, I had my life mapped out in front of me. Right? You're going to meet the love of your life at 24. You can get married at 26 babies come out at 28. But dad had me at 28. Just follow my dad's footsteps. Please don't have you seen your father lately? Don't do that. Don't do that. And then we see a picture of his father. If that doesn't teach you to drink your green juice and go to the dentist. Dentist at the very least. So he says, I wouldn't change anything because it led

me to where I am today. And I love Ali Belli more than anything. I would tell younger James, you're going to go through a lot of shit before you find someone that truly makes you happy. Didn't someone just already have his monologue on Bravo this week? Did this already happen? Am I crazy? What happened? Oh, it's Teresa. It was Teresa for Louis. So it's good to see James are on the same trajectory. Yeah. Both, both messes who are pretending that they don't flip tables anymore. And we all know that that's a damn lie.

Yeah. And we knew it didn't happen on Martha's, on Summer House Martha's Vineyard because nothing happens on Summer House Martha's Vineyard. Yes it does. They party and they, I mean, Summer House, you know, what do you do on Summer House? You party, you drink. Nothing happens on Summer House, does it?

Sir, has the other Summer House had things happening that I've forgotten about? Oh, how dare you. There's an engagement team too.. There's a lot of... We've had a lot of parties, so... I've been looking for jobs, so... Just trying to figure out my career. I'm like really overwhelmed, Ronnie.

Just trying to think about what's happening this season. Like really overwhelmed right now. So Joe arrives. They're really just trying whatever they can, bless our hearts. So Joe, somehow we're supposed to pretend that Joe is naturally invited to this party in San Francisco after totally getting dumped by the only cast member she was connected to.

But hey, let's see what he- She could be a big jam head. She could just love that Kyle Chan jewelry. So she's like, I love Schwartz, I love him so much. We make such a good team. I would have been like I would have liked to been together. That would have been great. But like, who's Batman? Who's Robin? Like you look up at the sky, you're like, is that a bat? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Do I have a rifle? Should I shoot? I wouldn't shoot it. I wouldn't shoot it. I wouldn't shoot things. Why am I talking like that? I love

Schwartz. I'm going to be here for Schwartz forever. Schworts, I'm right behind you. It's me. It's me and my butt. Hey, shorts, I like your hat. Just kidding. It's my hair. It's my hair on top of your head. Because it's me. Because it breaks my heart.

But am I just supposed to lay down in bed and cry? I'm like, sure. Actually, that sounds like a lot of fun personally. And she says, at the end of the day, I think there's something wrong with that method because I do it every day. I'm like, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to and cry? I'm like, sure. Actually, that sounds like a lot of fun, personally.

And she says, at the end of the day, I do. You're saying there's something wrong with that method because I do it every day. I mean, I would cry. I would just cry just because I'm crying over shorts. I'm like, I can't believe I'm crying over shorts. That makes me cry more. You know, at the end of the day,

I just want to be in my life for the rest of my life. Oh, you know, that's what I also said to Charlie, my turtle. But you know, gutters happen. Ha ha ha, whoops. You know, that's what I also said to Charlie my turtle, but you know, gutters happen. Whoops. The other day, I went to her Instagram for some reason. I was just seeing her stories.

I was like, I wonder what a Joe story is like. Oh my God. It's like guys, okay. So you know what I really like? Heads. I'm so sorry. Heads or tails? Like literally, who knows?

You know what? I just hit my head on my surfboard. I got a concussion, guys. So I don't know words right now. So serious. And then it's like cuts. It just kind of cuts off mid-sentence. And then it's a different outfit and different lighting.

And then she's like, yeah. Concussion's right. It happens. Surfing. It really hurt, I think. I don't really remember. Cause I'm concussed. I would like to say things I really don't remember.

And then it's like a different outfit and like, it's like a different hairstyle, a different haircut, different hair coloring. And she was like, guys, guess what I got today? A concussion, a concussion! From a surfboard, not even lying, really hurt. Guys, you are so nice to me on the internet, except for the people who aren't nice to me

And I just want to say guys choose kindness And if you choose surfboards also choose seat belts Even though that sounds kind of dangerous and you could drown if your surfboard drowns But surfboards don't drive because they're not made out of drowning kind of materials. Although humans are so wear a seat belt What am I talking about? concussion although humans are. So where I seat about what am I talking about? Concussion. It's like I've never been more entertained by a concussed person in my life. Soterios Unfortunately, she had put her surfboard on a table at Chipotle and then fell on to the soda machine, which is where she got her concussion. I just found something new.

Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two! Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Alison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itchels! Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickle-us. She's never scary, it's the green fairy. Jamie, she has no less name-y.

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