Watch What Crappens - #2435 PumpRules S11E17 Part 1: JoJo SeeWah
Episode Date: May 23, 2024This is part 1 of a two-part recap!Part 2 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion (S11E17) brings appearances by Ally Bally and Jo. There are a lot of tears and tons of gaslighting by terrible Bravo ...men, and we end with a huge chicken skewer fight. Does it get better than this? Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Check it out. Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins!
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins!
A podcast for all that crop we just love to talk about on Yale Brobs hi i'm ronald hi that's ben over there hello ben hi ronnie how are you great how's life
how's tricks tricks everything is great here just a lovely rainy day here in london which i'm really
enjoying because i enjoy the rain anyway so um I'm just hanging out. Just got my little coffee and you know, ready to do.
We're gonna do some Vanderpump rules
and then let me do some touring afterwards.
Yeah, this is definitely the London you hear about,
you know, the rainy, gray London.
Because when we got here, it was super sunny.
And now it's, you know, it's two days of grayness.
Yesterday I was out, I went to the theater because I'm a cultured, cultured man. And it was raining,
so I had my umbrella out and I... It's funny, the wrestling you do in public, like the polite
wrestle you do, because there are so many manners here. By the way, Americans, you're
still slobs. I know that we do this every day, but we're the sloppiest people in the
world. Seriously, you should be ashamed of us. We don't know how to work an umbrella. We're hitting people
in the face. We're standing, walking right out into the streets and then stopping in
the middle of the street with your whole fucking family, who's like a herd of cows. And I
don't mean size wise. I just mean in my way wise, because I used to live my cows and I
used to have to actually stop behind the cows because they wouldn't move.
Okay.
And that's what you people are like.
That's, that's all of you America.
It's mortifying.
I'm just kidding.
It's mortifying to seeing our fellow countrymen in other countries.
It's just, it's terrible.
But just now that I've gotten that off my chest, we all know that I am the ultimate
American, right?
I'm a slob.
I want pizza.
I want air conditioning.
I want peanut M&M's everywhere I go. I ask for peanut M&M's. I am disgusting.
I'm a disgusting slob as well.
And Dom, Ben's lover, also has to stop me
and physically move me,
stop me from walking to the street,
move me out of walkways.
So, you know, I am what I complain about.
Big shock. That's why I'm the president
of the Hippocrat Party.
But anyway, seeing all these umbrellas,
walking down a sidewalk,
and just the tilting and the slight lifting Big shock, that's why I'm the president of the Hippocrat Party. But anyway, seeing all these umbrellas walking down a sidewalk
and just the tilting and the slight lifting you do to avoid each other,
it's so fun. It's like its own choreography.
I was getting so good at it until I ran into a family from,
just going to come up with a random state, Oklahoma.
OK?
Sorry, Vermont. We thought you'd have your moment, but then it was like, and then they're
like lowering and then lifting and then it's umbrellas in the face and, you know, fuck
you guys, get it together.
I had a moment yesterday just in testament of how polite people are out here. There was
a biker, a lady on a bike, she's biking down a street and she was biking right next to a
cab and another lady opened the door of her cab to get out and nearly hit the biker. So the lady
on the bike goes, and she goes, and she goes, you open the door, you have to look both ways. When you
open the door, you could have hit me and I could have gotten seriously hurt. Say sorry."
The other woman didn't say anything. She goes,
You should say sorry, you almost hurt me. And the other woman just didn't say anything, just closed the door.
She's like, well, you shouldn't do that in the future. You've got to look both ways.
You could have hurt me. And then rode off. And Dom and I were laughing, because this were like in New York City,
we'd be like, what the fuck are you doing,
you fucking bitch, open the fucking door,
you stupid fucking miserable whore.
And I was like, you, please say sorry.
You should apologize for that.
Say sorry.
And then a small American lady came out
and put her hand on the lady's chest and said,
woman in distress.
Woman in distress.
So we've had questions about it.
Mother in distress.
We've had a mother in distress,
a couple of questions on that.
That was a story we told in the below deck recaps,
mother in distress, or the New Jersey recap,
mother in distress.
Why she had an East Coast accent, she did.
She really did. We weren't making that up for the Jersey recap, Mother in Distress. Why she had an East Coast accent, she did. She really did.
We weren't making that up for the Jersey recap.
It was just an East Coast lady that's also in London.
There's a ton of Americans here, like a ton of us.
Ton, and someone said that the story reminded them
of when I talked about the nurse at the hospital
who said, tolerance is on low.
And I'm like, yes, it should.
It was like the same, it was literally like the same person
likes what, Mother in Distress. Mother in Distress same, it was literally like the same person, like, mother in distress.
Mother in distress.
Telemans are the low.
Mother in distress.
Okay. So we're here because we're doing this podcast festival, which is so cool. We're going
to be here Friday night doing Amsterdam. By the way, just watched Real Housewives of Beverly
Hills episode Amsterdam that we're covering. What a dark episode. Why do we keep doing this? We pick the darkest fucking episode.
Can't wait to see you in London to talk about drug addiction
and fight about drug abuse for an hour.
That's gonna be fun.
But it will be fun because, you know.
That's gonna be hilarious.
Listen, we love some dark subjects over here.
And then in Britain's Conhandlin,
we're going to be doing Real Housewives of Orange County,
the Ireland season called
Shamrocks and something. And then the next night, Shamrocks and Shockwaves. I remembered it.
Shamrocks and Shockwaves. And then we're going to be in Birmingham and we're going to be doing
another Real Housewives of Orange County in Iceland. And that one's called a case of the Vickies.
Because, you know, of course.
Okay, so that's gonna be super fun.
We're excited to be there.
It's excited to see you guys and meet a lot of you guys
for the first time.
And guess what?
Today we're doing Vanderpump Rules for Unit Part 2.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Funny episode. really funny. So, uh, we have everyone and, uh, we, we started
off with a whole bunch of like,
when did they get physical?
So, um, after all the, sorry, I got lost in all my previous is right, right out the
gate, right out the gate. I, I got, okay. So here we go. So Andy's like, as you may remember from last week,
um, Lala has in a fight in a verbal snicker,
snee with Katie Maloney because she was accusing Katie of basically,
basically being fake on camera of talking shit about Ariana on the phone.
And, but then on camera, she's like, Oh, buddy, buddy.
And Lala's like, like, that's fake.
Why don't you bring it up on camera?
You don't bring it up on camera.
I think there's two phase.
That's like, that was kind of the gist of it.
Correct?
Well, yeah, you talk shit with your friend and then your friend goes on national TV and
is like, remember when you were talking shit about this person and you're like, uh, I do.
That was because I was talking shit to you in private and not on camera.
And she's like, yeah, that's what we do because I have a baby now.
Shut up with your fucking, I have a child now.
That's every argument. Lala has in this. Listen, I'm even doing her house.
That's every argument. Lala's has in this epitha.
Also some questions on what the fuck
the la la voice is this week.
Where have you been?
It's always been terrible.
We've always had a terrible la la impersonation.
We just make each other laugh at it
because she does have an S like this.
And then her ing words have a K at the end.
So when she says like, I was crying,
she does that a hard bachelor K at the end of her ing words have a K at the end. So when she says like, I was crying, she does that a hard bachelor K at the end of her ing words.
And we just now put it at the end of everything.
I think cause one day I was doing Lala being so angry
at something that I put the K on every word
and we just laughed so hard that now we literally do it
on every word, but it really should only be on the ings.
I would like to clarify that, well, for a long time, I mean,
we've had a, we sort of had a Lala impersonation for a long time that was sort of really undefined,
but you started like last season, you really homed in on the fact that she does the INGK thing,
and a little bit of that sound that she does. And then I started doing an impersonation of you doing
an impersonation. So my law, I'm not doing, I'm doing a Ronnie impersonation,
but the thing is that I kept on like messing up the timing of the K's and the
S's and I just kind of like put them on everything now.
And then so that's what my law impersonation is.
It's just like I add S's and K's to everything because why not?
And I think like, I think it really helped. I think last year,
I said squirt a lot and with her because it helped me get into her voice.
So I'm just squirting everywhere.
So, so like for people, there was someone on Instagram
who's like, is it like,
it doesn't sound anything like her.
We're like, no, but for me it's,
for me it doesn't sound anything like Lala,
but it sounds a little bit more like Ronnie doing Lala.
So that's my measure of success.
And now for me, I just do everything. Oh, I didn't know why that's so funny. But yeah,
our lala has always been iffy at best, but God, we have fun, don't we? So basically, yeah,
I should be able to talk shit. If Ben ever did that to me, I would be mortified if you're like,
yeah, Ronnie, we're right here on the podcast. Don't you remember
what you said about whoever I'd be like, fuck off. Like, it's called privacy. But
Lala is like, but we're on a TV show. So we have to say everything. No, you
don't. No, you absolutely don't. That's that's stupid. So she's like, you want
Andy's like, so you want her to be the same person on camera as you felt she was off camera.
And Katie's like, but I am like literally
exactly the same person.
So like, I don't like what?
Which I have to agree.
I mean, Katie's always been the same fucking Katie.
And you've got to, I credit Katie with that.
Katie doesn't give three flying fucks
and Katie wants to sit around and talk shit.
Why shouldn't she?
We all do.
We are all Katie that way.
And I reserve the right to be Katie when I feel like it.
I mean, I would definitely get frustrated
if I were filming a show and like someone,
if you were like bitching to me about someone
the entire time and then like every time though
you were filming, you were acting like,
oh, they're the best ever. you're bitching bitching and bitching
and bitching I mean given that that's just like also that that is part of just
like polite society you know I get it but I could see why I'd get frustrated
but it sounds like a lot of these issues like a lot of the Katie's bitching was
happening like after after the show wrapped so it's like she wasn't on
camera to like to hash these things out.
Because I will say this, sort of to your point, Katie's never been afraid to really dive into a
bad edit, right? She's never been afraid to go after someone who was popular. She's not someone
who she's not a Kyle Richards, who's always going to try to latch on to who she thinks is most
popular and rail like, you know, railroad at someone who thinks is, you know, as a threat, Katie
will go after who she wants to go after when she wants to.
I mean, I would, I would say iffy I would say that she was she, she's always kind of
teamed up or glommed on to whoever she considers to be the alpha, I guess, right? Like she
had Stasi where she was like Stasi's kind of follower.
But not for America's sake.
What's that?
I don't think for America's sake. I think it was more for just like-
That's what I mean. Like for, yeah, for like the pecking order in her real life,
like in her actual social circle. Yeah. But I think she cares more about that than the audience.
I think the audience is just used to being up and down with the audience, mostly down,
let's be honest. Even they mentioned it in this episode.
But Arianna, the subtext here with the Lala thing is obviously, clearly we all know, is
that Lala, Arianna is the queen of the show this year.
The show started with her being like the most famous reality star in America, right?
She was at the White House.
She's on all these commercials.
She's on Broadway.
She's on Dancing with the Stars. She's everywhere. And so the subtext is you are
kissing ass when the rest of us are coming for her because it's our job. You're sitting there
kissing her ass so you don't get in trouble. And I'm getting in trouble with America and you should
fucking be getting in trouble with America too. You wuss. But you're getting in trouble with
America because you're coming at her with stupid shit that's none of your business.
So I don't think that everybody should have to do that
because you have a child to support.
That's ridiculous.
You need to be entertaining to support your child,
but you don't need to be a fucking dick all the time.
I mean, I do.
I personally do in my work.
You know, I think,
I think, you know, I feel like what Lala was trying to really
say when she really wanted to say was something that Alex McCord said best many years ago.
You are a mean girl and while in high school and while you are a mean girl, I am in Brooklyn.
Like, I'm just trying to live out here. Okay. I'm just trying to live out here and you're
being fake at a mean girl.
And I like this little power play where she's like,
and you know what, all I want to do is play the same games
that I've been playing for eight,
that we've been playing for eight years.
And Katie's like, in 11 years,
I've been the same fucking, like reminding her,
hi, B string, okay?
Eight years is not as much of a goal to watch
as 11 years, so back down.
And Lala's like, Katie's like, I'm the same person.
And she's like, that's untruth.
You have lost your mind because you lost your mind
with me, Katie.
You said, if you're not gonna say these things on camera
because you invested a lot of money in the sandwich shop
and if you're gonna fuck with me, Lala,
I'm gonna fuck with you. And she's like going to fuck with me, Lala, I'm going to fuck with you."
And she's like, yeah.
I'm like, Katie, that doesn't even matter.
She's like, yeah, I did threaten your livelihood.
But yeah, why shouldn't she?
If you're going to come after her and threaten hers, she has the right to threaten yours.
I mean, all's fair in love and war, Lala.
Yeah.
And so this is where Lala says again, you know, you know what? And honest to God,
I wanted to say to you something about her is really nothing about her right now. You
don't got a business. Okay. Mine is my livelihoods that I support my child's on. So how dare
you threaten the fuck with it.
You don't got a business. You don't got one. I love her finger gun waving. Like you don't
got her hot dog finger. You don't got a business. You don't got a business I love her finger gun waving. Like you don't got her hot dog finger,
her hot dog finger waving.
You don't got a business.
You don't got a business.
I got a business.
I'm out here in these streets.
What's your business got to do with me?
Okay, I'm out here in these streets.
The other day we were in H&M because we're Americans
and I passed a two pack shirt.
And I was like, look, it's La La.
And Dom just looked at me like, you fucking idiot.
Dom was like, I don't know these people. It's Lala's inner soul. We basically, when we're around Dom, we basically become two little ducklings and
Dom is just like shepherding us. He does what he does. He just keeps us out of traffic. Like,
not even a joke. We're just goofing off in H&M.
So this whole like, mine, it's my livelihood.
I support my child.
Shut the fuck up with this is my livelihood.
You're not more important than everybody else on the stage
because you have a fucking child, okay?
I'm so sick of hearing it.
I'm sick of all of you saying that all the time.
Everyone has the same level of importance, okay?
Your life is more of a pain in the ass, okay?
But personal choices, personal choices,
you made that choice,
now stop bitching about it all the time.
I shouldn't have to do everything differently
because you had a baby, okay?
Support it, love your baby.
Hashtag mother in distress, mother in distress.
Mother in distress, like. I mean, congratulations.
I'm not even dissing it.
Like, babies are gross, because we joke about that sometimes.
But obviously, everyone knows I love a baby.
I love a child.
I'm so glad that people keep making them for me to play with on airplanes and try to make
laugh and raise as if they're my own, even though I never have to actually do anything
or pay for anything. Like my nieces. You should have a childless society. I love kids, but stop using them as a
shield, you know? No one should approve of using children as shields there. I'm saying that to you
entire world. Stop using children as shields. You guys, I just want to say I'm drinking Vietnamese coffee right now.
So buckle up.
Okay.
Mother in distress, podcaster and caffeine at the moment.
I am so excited.
Okay.
So, um, I agree, baby's the worst.
I'm sorry.
I'm honestly, I have fully distracted myself because I keep on thinking now that
Alex McCord quote, which I feel like that quote is so funny. It's always been funny.
Everyone knows famous for all these years, but if you really think about it while you
were in high school, I am in Brooklyn. Is that one of the funniest things that anyone
has ever said? I am in, you are while you were in high school. I am in Brooklyn. You are, while you were in high school, I am in Brooklyn. That is, it's like so profound on so many different levels. It's
like funny, but also like when she says I'm in Brooklyn, like I am, I am trying my best
out here. I am on these streets or she's saying I am getting tinctures and you know, aromatherapy.
I don't know. I just, I love what we do.
Because she was considering it like Brooklyn being like the more real.
The real is real, right?
It was before it was trending.
But like it works on so many levels.
Yeah, it wasn't trending a zillion dollars back then
to live in Brooklyn.
They considered her a poor person for living in Brooklyn.
So she's like, you're a mean girl in high school
and here I am living in the real world.
Right, of Brooklyn, which is funny too.
Okay, so back to this.
So now Schwartz, of course,
is a lot less still just going, I want you to be honest, okay, so back to this. Now Schwartz, of course, is a lot less just going,
I want you to be honest.
I want you to be honest.
And so Schwartz is like, yeah, Katie, I mean,
your feelings would have been valid
if you were resentful to Ariana.
She's like, but I wasn't resentful,
which is also kind of a lie.
You were resentful.
You were resenting the fact that she was doing
all this other stuff and not communicating,
which you kind of had a
right to be, honestly, in my opinion. So Schwartz is like, but you know, like you can still be proud
and happy for her. And you know, it's just totally understandable. You know, as a business partner,
Katie, we're annoyed. Because Katie's like, no, but I wasn't. He's like, yeah, but like fear,
it's okay if you were like, fear it. But I wasn't mad.
But it's okay if you wanted to like murder her,
you're on and you thought she was the worst human
in the world, right America?
But I wasn't saying that.
Yeah, you remember when you called Ariana a stupid slut?
That's totally fine.
I'm sure America's totally fine with that.
Right America?
It's like, stop trying to throw Katie under the bus
with your goddamn baby voice.
And I can't believe I'm having such a Katie moment anyway.
What are you forcing me into?
I'm just just killing me this year.
Yeah.
It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a Crappins commercial.
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You are so messy for that, but we will be giving you the b-sides.
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So then he's like, you know, so he's like, but I wasn't resentful.
So anyway, so so so Katie's like, she was like, yeah, but I was very in love with you.
I was like, I felt like I loved you.
And she was like, did you feel like abandoned by Ariana
at like any point?
And she's like, yeah, I did.
But like, I don't want to go to her
because like, I don't want to make her feel guilty.
That's for you, Sheena.
I just want to make you feel Sheena, feel that way, Sheena.
Hey Sheena, by the way,
thanks for inviting me to coffee
the other day but it was just coffee I didn't think I was like yeah you're a real good friend
you feel guilty now yeah all right then I'm good good to go today my job is done here
my job is done so Andy asked so does she have a point that you were venting off camera, Katie?
And Katie's like, yeah, because that's called manners.
Okay.
Venting off camera.
It's like doing someone a favor.
And so he's like, but you weren't sharing those feelings on camera.
And she goes, well, yeah, sure.
But like, I was just saying, I mean, I'm just like, I'm kind of passing now.
Oh, well, you're probably
terrified of coming off publicly as not team Ariana. And a lot
of like, that's what I mean. And Ariana, Ariana's like, um,
Katie's also not someone who acts differently, because of
public anything. Okay, she's always herself. She has been
for 11 seasons.
No, no, I was just saying is just if she thinks she's been
hated by it. And she's been hated by it.
Oh.
And she's been hated by it.
So why would she change now?
The insinuation that Katie is not authentic,
100% authentic all the time is ridiculous.
Oh yeah.
It's like, why would she change that now?
Yeah.
So Katie's like, yeah, that's like bullshit.
So Lala's like, I didn't feel that she was 100% authentic this season. I said
that. I said it. She wasn't 100% authentic this season. But you're right with the timing
of what Lala's talking about is after because the Dancing with the Stars and the Broadway
thing was after they shot, right? Wait.
Yeah. Dancing with the Stars, all that stuff. She started dancing, Ariana started dancing with the stars.
She started rehearsal for that in September or something like that.
I think it was like early September, late August.
Right.
So that was that.
And I think that's the wrap by then.
Yeah.
Okay.
So now Ariana not telling people what she's in and what's doing, I mean, the timing is
weird. I'm not really sure what Lala is talking about. Like she's saying you're venting about
Ariana. So if that was venting during the season, like, fuck this girl, and Katie still
wasn't saying anything, okay. But if it was after the season, I need more specificity.
Yes. And so basically, and Ariana is not going gonna throw katie under the bus unit ariana
I think is pissed at katie. She's just like, you know it it's fine
like I say things off cameras as well off camera cameras as well and
So Schwartz is like, yeah, but like they're ripped. Was it because by the way, so Sheena there
If was it because because they were friends with you
So ariana was saying their rift was because was because Ariana was being friendly with you and then Katie
got mad right and she goes yeah yeah and he's like yeah because she was friends
with you and she goes yeah that's where it started and he goes yeah and Katie
wanted you Katie wanted her to inherit the grudge huh right isn't that right
right he's such a little right and he's just such a Bravo man. You know, it's like the
whole talking about baby voice, just trying to throw Katie in every other line.
Just because you put just for men in your hair does not make you a man. You're a baby.
So Andy is like, Hey, Rihanna, would it have bothered you if she did share that on camera?
She's like, No, because I think Katie is valid in these feelings because I understand it's difficult. You're not going to get me, Andy Cohen. Then
Brock has this moment.
She really, I mean, I don't know if Olivia Pope dropped in on Ariana's house and just
locked her in there for a week and gave her media training. I mean, Ariana's always been
pretty good at dealing with that stuff, but she's like running for president in this reunion.
I mean, she really, she doesn't let anything get to her. I mean, everything she said, she's very
like, wow, nope, she's totally valid. And then the fight she has with Lala coming up was just like,
I'm just going to stay calm and talk to you like this. You absolute moron.
Yes. Okay. Now that I'm in a new class of fame, I know I don't have to lower myself to fighting with
you.
So I'm just going to calmly ask you to respect my choice because if you don't respect it,
well you can just be in the dust of my SUV limo that takes me to the airport to go back
to Broadway.
So then-
Who knows what a pork chop from the White House tastes like?
I feel for you right now.
Hey, I know what that tastes
like too.
You're ruining it. You're ruining it. You're ruining it, Brittany. So Brock then turns
to Schwartz. This was funny and I couldn't tell if he's being sarcastic or he was just
like dropping some like surprise read on Schwartz. So Brock turns to Schwartz and he goes, but
also Schwartz, don't forget, you're also the catalyst because you tore away
all the confidence that woman ever had in herself.
And he's like, what?
You know, after the continued betrayal
of your actual marriage, remember?
I was like, where did that come from?
Yeah, you were a really shitty husband, Schwartz.
He's like, why, why, why?
Brock is just laughing in Schwartz's face.
He just like, no, Katie's acting this way
because you destroyed her entire self-esteem.
Yeah, because Katie's whole argument in this is like,
yeah, I was talking shit,
but it's only because I was insecure in myself.
And again, it's Schwartz's fault ultimately.
So Andy asked, where things stand with Katie and Lala? And Lala's
like, well, who knows? I mean, I love Katie. I buy for her all the time and we bond over
the fact that we deliver. I call them facts. Yeah. When you have to say I call them facts.
I don't know that you're the best at delivering facts, Lala. But she's like, I deliver facts
in unpretty packages. And this season, what
she was saying, nothing was understandable. But you know what? I tried to have these conversations
because I find them extremely interesting and productive. And I love filming this show
because we have all the uncomfortable conversations.
Yeah. I think that Lala really, like she has so many productive conversations, just year
after year when I think of Lala Kent, I think that is one productive communicator.
I'm really glad for her.
Can we roll a photo of her saying, like, I guess you guys haven't been working on your
summer bodies, right?
So productive.
Well, it's so hard not to bring up things from 10 years ago on this show, even though when I
watch the clips that they show, I'm like, you guys can't use this as an example.
These people look 12 years old in these clips, you know what I mean?
And they're like, well, aren't you a hypocrite because of this time when Ariana made out
with Tom in a pool?
And they show them and they're like, what did you have for lunch today?
They're like in a schoolyard, there's a slide behind them. I'm like, why are we showing this as
an argument now, you know, for today's things? But it is hard not to because Lala's like,
I hate lying and her whole storyline for years has been lying. So, I don't know.
Yeah. So, then Lala's like, you know what?
I feel like I was talking to my best friends
and she's like looking at me like I'm crazy
that I'm even saying these things.
And Katie's like, I'm not gonna sit here
for like a moment more and be told
that I'm being a fake phony
because like I didn't wanna bring some shit up
that I honestly had moved past like, fuck that shit.
Which is like the most Katie like summation of anything. Like in conclusion, fuck that shit. Which is like the most Katie like summation of anything.
Like in conclusion, fuck that shit.
So Lala's like, but yeah, had you said to me like, listen, Lala, these are things that
I really don't want to talk about because I'm kind of over them and I don't want to
put pressure on Ariana. She did. She did tell you that. She goes, but instead you threatened
to burn my livelihood to the ground.
I assume that before she said, if you fuck with me, I will burn your livelihood to the
ground that you were already saying, I'm going to say all of this stuff on camera.
And she had said, please don't do that.
And you said, but yes, I am.
I mean, the threat didn't just come out of nowhere.
Right?
What was Katie going to do?
Was Katie going to, how does one burn down Lala's podcast? Was she going to call up
Podcast One or whatever platform that she's on and say, like, by the way, you have to cancel
this show? I don't understand what strings Katie's on.
I think she was just saying, if you want to come for me and everything I've said, not on the show,
then I will come for you and everything that you said off the show.
But Lala is turning that around to, but you threatening to do that to me is threatening
my baby.
Why don't you just punch a baby, Kayleece?
Why don't you just punch a baby, Kayleece?
Why?
Kay is going to call every single Color Me Mine in Los Angeles and have Lala blacklisted.
She's like, that'll show her. So Lala's like,
it was the shift of here she is again treating me like I'm the enemy. And so Amy's like,
all right, well, I mean, you are coming from her, so that's fine. But anyway, hey, where
do you two go from here? And Lala goes, where we always go. Mixology 101?ce. We're always on the ups. And he's like, okay, well, did you look at
Katie's face? She looks pretty pissed. She's okay. And now she's grinding her teeth and
she's making little fists with her hands. And I can't tell if that's towards you or
Schwartz. And now she's actually pulling out two little voodoo dolls and she's having the
Schwartz doll put a pin in the Lala doll and the Lala doll and the Schwartz and now she's actually pulling out two little voodoo dolls and she's having the Schwartz doll, put a pin in the Lala doll and the Lala doll and the Schwartz doll.
There's a lot going on with Katie right now.
I think she's not so happy with you.
Oh, it just cuts to Katie and she's just like, and Lala's like, yeah, well, Katie having
a pissed off face is standard.
Katie's like, that's their bitch.
Smiles.
And so she's like, listen, it's just like a bullshit.
Like I'm like not going to be told like what the fuck I think or like what the fuck I feel.
Like if I have something to say, I'd fucking say it unless it's to Ariana because I don't
want America to be mad at me.
Like my prerogative.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
All right.
All right.
I'm bored with Katie right now. I want to
change topics. Okay. Let's be honest. This group has always been known for its tangled
web of hookups. But when Schwartz caught to a secret kiss with Sheena outed this of all
the secrets that I have, I mean, every secret, secret, how did this never come out? And then
we see like a 10 minute montage of all the secrets being added on the show since
the very first season.
But he's like, how did this secret not come out?
The reason this came out was because Schwartz, who just said right up there on the stage,
yeah, Sheena, don't you think that ultimately Katie was turning against Ariana? Don't you think that was because you were friendly with Ariana and Katie just wanted
to keep the grudge going with you?
Okay, well, the reason that you brought it up again was because Katie squashed the grudge
with Sheena and you couldn't stand that.
So you reignited the grudge by bringing up a decades old makeout session.
You're such a position, Schwartz.
You are such a. Exactly. A Schwartz. You are such a. You.
Yeah.
So now we come back from this secret montage,
which of course ends with the greatest punctuation of all.
I don't give a fuck about fucking Rick Hell.
So now Joe and Ali, Ali, Ali are on stage.
So Andy is like, he's like, Now, Joe and Ali are on stage.
So Andy is like, he's like, so how did this one stay?
And Schwartz is like, Schwartz is like, I forgot it happened.
Oh my god.
And she was like, I'm certainly burning.
Yeah.
And Zanabelle's like, dude, like was it a cheerleading competition?
What happened?
Yeah, it was my little sister's high school cheerleading competition.
Okay, here's the
story. Okay, everyone settle in. I went with Ariana and my mom and her and Tom had just started
drinking and he wanted to come see her and Schwartz came with him and Ariana went like drunk,
mick down the casino and I... We were like, we were like, it was really, really hot. Everybody was
like so turned on and I guess Schwartz saw that and then he was like, I want a part of that. So
then he tried to do anything and I was like, oh, no, no, you
better back up, mister. My sister actually almost won that cheerleading competition,
which is amazing because we had just had enchiladas because auntie packed them in our lunch boxes
and she had the fussies. She still won anyway. I think she won. I'm not really sure I was
making out with someone in the back. Can't really remember who it was. It was either
Ariane or Tom. Even though I didn't make out with Tom, he tried it though. Everybody's
tried it. Literally everybody. The whole cheerleading conference tried to make out with me, Andy.
I'm just like a really hot person. So what were we talking about?
It's just like really hard that like when you say like you're at a cheerleading competition
and you start talking about bring it on that like Schwartz will literally bring it on to and it's like it was like too much for me. So, um, so then, uh, Andy, uh,
Sheena was saying how like he's, Andy's like, why, so what's going on?
Like, why didn't you tell Katie? Right. And she's like, she hated me.
I rolled the montage and we have a montage of Katie just being vile to
Sheena over the years. I like you're like, you know,
it is funny when you say like it's that they bring up these clips from so many years ago
to like prove points, but the truth is that they're all valid points. They're all valid points.
They're all valid points, it is. And they do have history as a group. So, I mean, it is valid to bring it up. It's just like, man, I don't need people rolling clips of me from 10 years
ago. You know what I mean? Like, I would be, you know, ruined in two seconds. So, I just,
it would suck. That's for sure, to have this con- this shit constantly brought up. And
I think it's also funny that every time they cut to them, we just see all their different
hair, especially Katie. Because I think Katie's biggest hate relationship with America over
the years, because I think, I feel like people have been on her side, they've not been on her side at some, sometimes
I think she's had a pretty even keeled up and down with the audience as at least compared
to other people on the show.
But I think where she's really had her most hated relationship with America is with her
hair because America has never been nice to Katie about her hair.
This is the first year I think that anybody's been like, oh my God, Katie's hair looks so cute.
I mean, who knew it took a baseball jersey and like, you know, short hair or whatever
she's, I don't know what you call that hair, what it's called. I don't subscribe to hairstyles
anymore since I no longer have it. So I refuse to engage in that. But yeah, whatever it's called now,
people are finally nice to her and I'm like happy for her.
It's nice to get on year 11.
You know, it's not that it takes a little bit of time,
but you know.
What were we talking about?
Kitty here.
Oh yeah.
We meet people, like everybody wants to meet out with me. Literally. Like, you
know who Fantastic Sam is? He used to just be Sam until he made out with me. And then
they were like, Oh my God, you made out with Sheena? Fantastic. This is Fantastic Sam.
He raised his price to $6. I did that.
Yeah. And they're like, well, why didn't you ever tell him about Fantastic sam she's like have you ever met fantastic sam and then i cut the footage of like sam
kinesen from 1986 like hey it's me fantastic sam so she's like yeah of course i didn't tell
kitty because i'm like oh by the way i know you hate me and like i know you think i'm like this
person but like your man was drunk and biggest trying to kiss me so they said oh did you kiss each other or was
there a giant pendulum from Nicolene that swung from one lip to another and
she's like no he kissed me I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
what are you doing and then it was like well we're never gonna speak about this
like that was a drunken bad decision it was like hey well, we're never gonna speak about this. Like, that was a drunken bad decision. It was like, hey, Pee Pee, how are we?
We're gonna bury this.
They're like, no, no, no, no, we laughed, we laughed.
But I do remember that afterwards.
I remember being like, what the fuck was that?
When you kissed me?
Like in that moment?
Yeah, when I told you to go to your room.
By the way, can I just apologize for being just so sloppy for so long?
You know, it was crazy.
Now look at me. Oh, God.
I'm just such a hero. I'm just such a hero.
I'm just such a little boy.
I can't even believe they let me put alcohol in my bottle.
That's such a little, buh-buh-buh-buh.
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.
I hope everybody can understand the following sentence.
Buh-buh-buh-buh.
Buh-buh-buh.
How was it, baby?
Hmm.
I think we get more sincerity from United Airlines when they send out an email to like
10,000 people after one of their flight attendants punches the passenger, right? Like that was
what this was like on par with. Oh, by the way, for the past 11 years, if I did anything
wrong, I'm sorry. I'm a little boy. Oh, just my apology. Speaking of Banky, does anybody
have wine? I'm sorry for being so sloppy for so long.
I'm so sorry for being so sloppy for so long.
I'm like, you realize the reunion is still happening.
You're still going to be sloppy for the next several hours of our lives.
Your passive aggressive ass over there is shooting out your little passive aggressive
bullets through this entire reunion.
By the way, I'm sorry I'm so fucking sloppy.
So I acknowledge it in a very casual way, which means that I'm a big boy now.
So then there's some more of this Sheena being like, oh my god, I can't believe I made it
with shorts, but I would never tell anybody.
Everybody wants to make out with me.
Literally everybody has tried it, okay?
Like everybody, literally everybody.
Sound of all, James, when we were drunk at Sir behind the DJ booth, literally everybody. Sandoval, James from We Are Drunken Sir behind
the DJ booth. And he's like, what, what, when, where? I don't remember. I don't remember that.
I don't remember that. What are you talking about? Under the DJ booth, what is that? He's like,
yeah, you said you want to go to the back really quickly. And he's like, what, what, why would I
have to do that? Are you stupid? I'd never say such a thing. Yeah, 100% you did that.
And it was probably like in season 405 of my life.
I don't remember.
And he's like, no, I don't remember that.
I don't remember that at all.
The BJ booth?
Wait a minute.
You weren't even in that apartment in Beverly Hills.
I lived in with that guy.
No, not the BJ booth.
Listen, we all do what we have to do to get by.
You know what I mean?
The DJ booth.
Oh, right. Don't remember that either. Listen, we all do what we have to do to get by. You know what I mean? The DJ booth.
Oh. Right.
Don't remember that either.
What about Sandable? Oh yeah. There was like one time we were like, it was like New York,
it was also like an early season and Sandable was like, no man. And she's like, yeah, it
was like an early season, let me finish, which is also what he said too. And then he's like,
no man, what are you talking about?
No, we were there for like Watch Rapids Live with like Jackson Stassi, two people who are no longer on the show that I outlived, even though they hated me both in the beginning.
But I guess, oh, well, anyway, we both like went back to his living room and like we
raided the minibar and he was like telling me about how like he and Kristen have been
intimate in life so long. And I was like, oh my God, the way he is putting his mouth
on that glass is like how he wants to kiss me. I was like, stop hitting on me.
Yeah. And Ari and it just looks at Katie like, mm hmm. The old.
Oh, we haven't been intimate in so long.
And Sandoval's like, yeah, and I told you to leave. And she's like, yeah. And I was
like, are you coming on to me? Are you coming on to me right now? Because only people, when
people tell me to go, they're really telling me to come. Are you telling me to come right now? Tell
me again. Do it again." And so Andy's like, so how was the sex? Lisa says, did you use
a condom? And then you see Sandoval like, I've got a funny one. You see him like, what's
my turn, bro? Hey, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy.
I woke up with a lot of trouble and shit out of condom two weeks later.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, that was pretty good.
What did he say? Something about Lockheed Martin and a condo?
Ah, ah, you don't want to hear it, what she said.
Katie, all right, moving on to you.
We all sufficiently creeped out by Sandoval and Sheena having some weird thing in a hotel.
God, it's nice to talk about hotel drama without Gisele Bryant.
Anyway, so Katie, you hooked up with Schwartz's friend Max, who we all thought was expunged
from this show a few years ago, but guess what?
He's back because of you.
What do you think?
JLF- Congratulations on unmanning one of the most unpopular people who's ever been on this
show, Katie.
KT- Okay.
JLF- And then they cut to a shot of Max. It's just Max going like, I'm like, could you get
a creepier fucking shot of Max? He's like a frog sitting on a
log just watching things go by. He's like the great mouse detective. I don't know why
these people keep sleeping with him, but whatever. So we see Max.
Apparently, the man really knows how to work a schedule. Great restaurant manager.
He knows his restaurant managing skills.
So Andy is like, well, the night of Hotel Ziggy. Okay. It seemed like maybe you did it in direct
response to learning about Sheena and Schwartz making out. And Katie's like, um, it could seem
that way. I mean, it's pretty obvious. That's why the, is there a question here? Okay. I mean,
whatever. Or I could have just been doing whatever the hell I wanted to do it's like well Schwartz is in like a
little gleeful because you finally had something oh cuz I love the playing
field the kickball playing field my favorite sport cuz I'm a little boy no
I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding no I'm not vengeful like that it was cool
it was great I did feel good because I was like now Kitty can shut the fuck up
I mean I'm sorry I didn't mean to like that. She's a great person.
She could do whatever she wants.
And I definitely made her life hard.
Although she made my life hard
because she's a fucking bitch.
I mean, no, no, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, she's really nice.
She's a really sweet girl.
I did her so wrong.
And Lola's like, it didn't level the playing fields.
She demolished the playing field.
Like she tried to do them, my babies.
So, you know, you fuck a French friend of hers. And so she fucked your
best friends. And that's, that's how she did it. Because that's what Katie does. You do a little
thing, then she ruins babies' lives. Go ahead. You want, you want me to bring my baby around here
so you could punch it in the face right here on national television, Katie? Okay. So I'm not.
Okay, so I'm not. Commercials, here comes one right now.
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So now, so K-Shartz is like, you know what?
I think I really manifest this actually, because after I kissed Raquel, um, you know, you had
a very, um, intense reaction, which is warranted, totally warranted, because I did it in front
of your face to, you know, show that you made a fucking mistake.
You're such an evil fucking person.
I mean, I did it.
It was an accident.
I didn't mean to kiss her.
It was, it was, it was in public by accident. Anyway, I did it. And you're totally
warranted. Your feelings were valid. Even though they're totally irrational. You held me to the
brim at the cross. And you did me, attacked me at the cross. Whatever you do at the cross,
don't you do that to me. I mean, no, it was totally valid. Anyway, I'm a little boy. Anyway,
yeah. So I think that's why you did it because of Raquel. That's why. Did you do it again? Have you fucked him again? She's like, maybe.
She's trying to play coy, but it's too boring. Okay. So then commercial break. And also it's
Max. Like I can't spend more time on thinking about Max fucking anybody, really. So then we
come back and Andy's like, we'll come back. Lisa encouraged Schwarz to bring everyone to Lake Tahoe
to preview her new restaurant, woo.
Unfortunately, things could not be glued back together
quite as easily as Thomas Andamals penis loop.
Ah, penis loop, so hilarious.
Still funny.
Hey, Lisa, when is Wolf by Vanderbump opening?
I don't really know when it's going to open, but I can just say it'll probably open before
something about her.
Get it, Siegburn!
High five.
Anyone high five?
No?
Okay.
Well, I can tell you this.
We haven't fucked over any pennies.
That's for sure.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Am I right?
All right, Well, listen, we're going to open
when we finally practice and get this menu as mediocre as possible, Andy. It's taking a lot
of work and warm potato salads, but we'll get there. We're working with a tiny chandelier,
which we're putting inside of a slightly larger chandelier, which is going to go inside a slightly
larger chandelier, which goes inside a slightly larger chandelier. And then we've got Nicolayne's wife sort of in there trying
to get out. And then a larger chandelier around there, and then a larger chandelier, and then
a pendulum that I sit on that swings towards all these chandeliers. Nicolayne's wife trying
to move out of the way. Boom, blood coming out of the chandelier. I forgot what I was
talking about really, but warm potato salad coming soon. Ding. The point is I figured out Russian nesting
dolls and I made them better. So, at least like, so Andy, are you going to be there? Are you going to
fly into the middle of Nevada to go to a mediocre restaurant called Wolf where we serve Wolf. And then
he's like, um, it's April the 18th. And he's like, will you fly me out? Yes. Private. Oh,
I'll carry you if I have to. Can I bring John Mayer? Absolutely. What about Sarah Jessica
Parker? Absolutely. Kelly Ripper? No, that bitch doesn't
allow it. It's an allowed in the world for you, ridiculous. I have nothing else to say.
I just wanted to express my choices. My flight choice. Who I like, who I like and who I don't
like of your friends.
So next is the Schwartz calling, saying, you're not the queen of the group, Tariana. Dun,
dun, dun. And he's like, of the group, Tariana, dun,
dun, dun.
And he's like, in that moment, I just didn't like that she was speaking up for the other
girls, you know, who were probably, the other girls were going to say, Tom, sit down and
bring Tom over.
We love Tom.
But I really don't like when other people speak for the other girls because like they
didn't really give him a chance, you know?
And like, it wasn't a sound of all redemption trip.
By the way, by the way, it's just like, I just wanted him to be re-instilled into the group, you know? And like, it wasn't a sound of all redemption trip. By the way, by the way, it's just like,
I just wanted him to be reinstilled into the group, you know? Like, I want him to be redeemed.
Not redemption, but just redeemed. Like if you had a ticket for a free yogurt at TCBY,
it's like silly not to use it because like, it's free yogurt. Like, why wouldn't you want
a free yogurt? You should redeem that. Not that I wanted him redeemed, just yogurt. Hmm. Then James, like, yeah, I agree. I mean, it was going to happen anyhow. So, like,
might as well do it in Lake Tahoe. I mean, Lake Tahoe in a sick-ass house looking over a lake,
it's beautiful. Then some shitty dungeon like, sir. I mean, I'm sorry, Lisa. Love it. I love,
sir. So, it's a wonderful place. But I'm saying saying like, why would anyone ever want to go there? Am I right? Am I right? I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm a good little boy too. I'm just like Schwartz,
we're both two little good boys, Lisa. So Andy's like, so Ariana, do you agree that
you have gotten more of an ego since you became, you know, the biggest cheated woman in America
or whatever? And she's like, no
one's ever said that to me but Schwartz. I'm sorry, but people have been saying that about
Ariana. But for years, it's not like that's a new thing. Like Ariana is above it all.
That's literally her thing. That's her personality. That's been her thing on the show is just
looking at everybody else like, these fucking idiots. She's always been kind of above it all. I mean, look how she deals with the people today
who try to come for her. Very handily. She's smarter than everybody here. So yeah, she's
better than the people here. I'm sorry. What are you going to do? That's always been her
thing. I mean, remember? I take sketch comedy very seriously or in her first season when
she's like, I'm
smarter and I'm prettier than her. So fuck her or whatever it was. That's her vibe.
Okay.
Yeah. And she's like, no one who knows me has ever said that. And it seems like, you
know, it seemed like whatever Schwartz said ignited some internet trolls that don't know
me about whatever. And Katie is like, yeah, maybe because like you're not in a fetal position sobbing, like you just ate one of our sandwiches, you know? And Ariana's like,
I mean, like I do go into fetal position sobbing. I just do it off camera, like when I'm private.
So, and he was like, all right, cool. Well, did you have any sympathy watching Sheena struggle?
And then she was like, oh.
She didn't watch. You gotta love that Sheena is being so bitchy about it.
Because it's not Sheena's thing. Like, I only watch my scenes.
Yeah. She's like, um, I just want to show like to people who like are casting dancing stars,
like if you cast me, I will watch every show that I'm on. So, so Andy's like, oh,
I realized that lady on the train the other day. She's like, what did you do?
And we told her, oh, we make fun of Housewives shows. She goes, oh, I could never watch that.
She goes, isn't that sad? How sad is that? That's absolutely so sad. What a sad thing
to do. So sad. I don't know how to watch that. What a stupid, sad, disgusting. So then I said, what do you watch? She goes, dramas.
She's like, I watch dramas and crime things. I go, well, isn't that sad? I was like, that
sounds sad too.
Yeah, at least we're wallowing around in verbal murders, lady, over there with your pasty
Botox-free murder television. Get the fuck out of here.
But I didn't realize- But I didn't realize that I was like,
oh my God, I thought you were American because the green of your pants is very American because
there were like very bright green pants. So I felt like that was a very English way of telling that
lady to go fuck herself on a hot dog stand. Well, I mean, when she was saying like,
you guys are such a sad thing to do, I was like, fuck you lady, which is why I was like, well, I think what you watch is sad. I didn't realize
that she was saying that in retaliation to you saying like, oh, you American too, you
got an American, you got those American green pants on. And she's like, disgusting. So
she was actually retaliating already. So if I realized that I wouldn't have come for her.
Yeah, but I left thinking, what an idiot. She left thinking, God, I've just bought these
pants.
I can't believe. Here I thought these green pants were great.
By the way, if this lady went home and listened to this podcast, because I told her she had
to. I loved your pants. They looked great. Nothing personal. Okay. Let's just move on
from this. Okay. Okay. So next up, we talk about Joe. Don,
don, don, don, don. But Ariana is still going on about, I love this show. I don't need to
watch it. And he's like, but what about the loyalty with Sheena? And she's like, you know,
Sheena's feelings are valid, but I'm not the person to come to and talk about how much
you miss Tom. You know
what I mean? But your feelings for me, just maybe work those out with, I don't know, someone
who's not on Broadway. I mean, someone who's not doing eight shows a week could probably
deal with this a little bit better than me.
So basically, you know, they're asking like Ariana about like, you know, these boundaries
and stuff like that. And Andy is like, so why do you think Ariana is expecting the same
from her friends? Like, why is that unreasonable? Lala and Lala's like, there's one giant difference.
Okay, I have a child, I have a child involved in a custody battle. Okay. So when you have a child, you're
allowed to have boundaries. And if you don't have a child, fair place. Okay. I got a child.
All right.
Yeah. Of course, because that's her answer literally for, Lala, you're in handicapped
parking.
I have a baby. So what do you want my babies to die in the sun walking from a far parking space in here
It's it's a baby and he's a baby murderer. So
Enjoy watching Bravo the baby killing networks. Okay
So I say can I say something can I say something? Okay, it's like way more than just like what's going on Ariana
I mean like read the LA Times watch the hulu doc and then tell me what both say, because I couldn't do either one.
Yours were really hard. I wasn't in those.
I wasn't in those, so I didn't watch them.
So, yeah, look,
Ariana's stuff was all over Hulu docs as well.
Or, uh, they were all over, like, news exposé.
I don't know. That's a stupid point.
But her thing is, like, yeah,
my ex did not call Schwartz over because he likes to hang out with Tom Schwartz, it's a stupid point. But her thing is like, yeah, my ex did not call
Schwartz over because he likes to hang out with Tom Schwartz. There was a motive there. And I was
fighting for the well-being of my bed ex. And unless you have a child, and unless you've been
in my situations, you will never understand what it's like to have a child. I was like, okay.
Okay. All right. So no one's going gonna understand. The first mother in America has spoken. Her answer should be because Randall was not
a cast member on the show. So he didn't have to be around. So anyone who chose to be around
him was electively choosing to be around him and they're not my real friends. So fuck them.
But instead, he makes it like, I'm a mother. It's like, come on, man. You actually have
a legitimate argument here. I'm a mother. It's like, come on, man. You actually have a legitimate argument here.
If you play pickleball with Rand, it's going to somehow...
I think what she's really saying is like, Rand was going to try to get information through
Schwartz and use that against her in court.
Maybe that's what she meant.
I think that's what she meant, but it doesn't hold up because that's what Tom was, that's what Ariana's argument against Tom was, he doesn't have access to my life.
Like he doesn't get to come around my group of friends and find out what I'm doing or
just even be in the same room as me having a comment on anything I say or think, you
know?
So Lala trying to use that doesn't really work because it doesn't add up.
But if she had just said, we have to film with Tom, we didn't have to film with Randall.
But anyway, it's just
you know what, this is where I get confused. Okay, this is where I get confused. Okay,
let me tell you what confuses me. tinfoils. How does that works? Okay, I'm confused.
Also, there's a boundary that's happening and but she's sleeping down the hall and
has a new boyfriend. So I think it's very confusing. Okay, because I think that's like, I would have been given like the side. I had, I looked at short scene
and said, how dare you play ball with him? Okay.
But Lala, you would have been staying in that house if you owned it. You didn't own that
house. You had no claim to that house. You were kicked out of that house. If you weren't
kicked out, you had no right to it to kick him out. You know what I mean? So she's not
really in the same place where she can, of course she thinks it's weird that Ariana is staying there, but she owns
the house. Why should she be the one to leave? That's ridiculous. That's stupid.
Yeah. And she's basically saying, it's just weird because like we have to draw these boundaries,
but like it seems like you've moved on with your life. That's what she's basically saying.
It's like, why do we have to like be in this, like in the situation where we have to take
teams, take sides when when you sort of have moved
on. And Arianna's like, well, but was there an issue when Katie was dating after her divorce?
And she's like, no, I mean, she was dating a guy who looked like weird Al Yankovic. No
one took it seriously. Arianna's like, yeah, but think about it. And Lala's like, Katie
wasn't traumatized by a man of 10 years. I'm like, are you sure about that? Have you seen Schwartz?
Have you seen the way Schwartz talks to Katie?
I think she probably was.
What Lala really means, and we all know it,
Katie doesn't have a baby.
That's very different for Katie.
She has no babies.
I'm a mother.
She has no babies.
You know what she means.
But yeah, she was traumatized by 10 years
from fucking Schwartz.
So yeah. So Arianna's like, but she had very solid boundaries of what she was traumatized by 10 years from fucking Schwartz. So yeah.
So Ariane is like, but she had very solid boundaries of what she was comfortable with
and what she wasn't comfortable with.
And I had mine.
Yeah, but.
And I supported your boundaries, Lala.
Yeah, but.
And all you have to say is I respect your boundaries.
That's yeah, but.
Yeah, but you don't have to understand it.
Yeah, but I don't understand it.
Yeah, but.
It's like, she's saying like, you don't have to understand my boundaries. Just please respect them. And she's like, yeah, but. Yeah, but I don't understand it. Yeah, but it's like, she's saying like,
you don't have to understand my boundaries. Just please respect them. And she's like,
yeah, but yeah, but yeah, but if you don't understand my boundaries, if you don't do
this, if you don't do that, she's the only one that stood up for you.
Yeah. And Ariana's like, she's like, you know what, like, and if I didn't understand yours,
I would still respect yours, regardless of whether or not I understand it. Because respecting
and understanding are two different things and
Ariana's like yeah, but it's not it wouldn't be my business
I don't need you and I don't need to understand you. Yeah, but it is your business because you're my friends
So you should understand just honestly
All I'm asking for is to respect. That's it. I think you've gotten my respects
I think you've gotten it. I'm like really at what point did you watch this season?
Yeah, did you watch the way the season ended? Oh, you actually have not seen the way the season has ended.
Ariana is just completely calm here and Lala is trying to make this into a big fight and
Ariana is just not giving it to her. And it's funny watching Lala get a little bit more
worked up as she's not getting what she wants. And she's just made to look like a total idiot.
Now what I do have to say for Lala, I really admire the way that Lala can just come in and stick to her terrible arguments.
She does it every year. And then a couple of years later, she'll admit that she was wrong the
whole time. And she'll be like, I was traumatized because of XYZ. And it's always a different
reason, right? Every single year, it's a different reason. She's gone through some trauma, some more
legitimate than others. I'm not saying they're all illegitimate, but she comes back
two years later and she's like, yeah, that was really bad. That was a different lala. So,
we're forgiving her because this lala only drinks seltzer and loves to squirt, you know? And then
we forget everything else. So, while she's making the argument, she really sticks to her terrible
arguments and she just
does not drop it.
And it's impressive because I feel like clearly it's been explained to her, even the boys
understand.
The guys are even nodding along like, and they're idiots.
And they even get this argument.
But Lala is just going to keep going and you know, she doesn't care if she looks stupid,
you know?
Hats off.
Hats off. Hats off.
So Ariana is like, you know what,
like saying like, I don't get it.
Like you're just not being very respectful.
So now at this point, Lala is cornered.
So she's going to pivot it.
So she goes, you know what, you want to talk about respectful?
Ariana, I have watched you sit
while someone talks about me as a homewrecker.
And I'm not even like a good enough ho.
Like I'm not even a good enough ho.
Like Charlie's seeing this and We see this flashback.
I totally forgot about this. Charlie, I think it was last season saying, Lala's just embarrassed
now that her life didn't pan out the way it is and she's fucked the wrong guy for the
money and didn't get a house or anything out of it. It's like, okay, take an L.
Ariana just laughs because it's honestly hilarious. It's like the best version of Charlie.
Like I, you know, Charlie never quite lived up to her potential, but when, when Charlie
was on, she was really on.
And this was a moment that she was on.
And so then Ariana comes back and Lala's like, yeah, you just sat back.
You didn't say a fucking word.
And I was like, Yeah, but do
you remember that when we went to a plant store, we address that, that this is actually
I apologize to you. It allows it but it didn't air us. So we're gonna address it now. She's
like, Yeah, but just because it didn't air doesn't mean it didn't happen. I apologize
to you. Like, if I say something off camera, it still means something, you know?
No, it doesn't. It didn't air us. really didn't arguments right now, so I'm going to bring up anything
that I've pre-prepared.
I guess that is prepared, right?
I'm going to bring up stuff that I've prepared in advance to come against you just in case
I was losing an argument.
And one of them is you didn't stand up for me against that girl that I was bullying for
a year.
I know. Yeah.
And so we see like a flashback to this plant store.
And basically, Arianna's like, you know what?
You know what I should have said?
That's really over the top.
Don't like, my thought was that's really over the top.
And I should have said that's really over the top.
Don't do that, you know, and not say nothing.
And that was a good apology.
Like here's, I'm sorry.
And here's exactly why I'm sorry. Here's what I should have said. And here's what I didn't say. And that was a good apology. Like here's, I'm sorry. And here's exactly why I'm sorry.
Here's what I should have said and here's what I didn't say.
And I apologize.
It's like, it didn't air set, didn't count.
So then just like, just like I never really ate at Rand's asshole.
That's not TV.
So then back to that.
Sorry, just have to keep reminding everybody because I will never forget it.
I need people on my boat of misery. So Ariana's like, yeah, we had this great conversation. And Lala's
like, yeah, but you're acting as if I didn't support you. You're not supporting her. You're
literally telling her you have no reason to be upset. You're literally in the same house
with this person.
Yeah, you're saying I like your boundaries are not worth, like it was important for people to follow my boundaries with
Rand because I had a child but you had boundaries with Sandoval and they were totally irrational
you know and it's like but why so Ariana's like longer right where she's trying to explain to
Lala Lala's not going to get it so we kind of move on to the Sheena taking a picture with Tom Sandoval with touching
him in Lake Tahoe. And Ariana's like, yeah, I was slightly uncomfortable when I saw that.
And then Sheena's like, I'm in line. You know, she just, she didn't defend me because that's
how she is. She just doesn't want the attention of the headline. And like, I understood when
she said that. But I mean, like I was getting attention in headlines that I didn't want,
you know, because we were just thrown into a photo and it was like, okay, here's a smile, we're done. Yeah, but in the photo,
that was at a trip where you were all there to make up with Tom Sandoval. So you guys were making
it sound like, no, we're not. No, no, no, this is all just a picture to make us make it look like
we were there to make up with Tom Sandoval. But then you're also defending your right to make up
with Tom Sandoval for the show. So you can't have it both ways. Like if you're going to say, we have to do this
for our jobs so we can continue making millions of dollars and go on this trip and make up
with Tom Sandoval, you can't then turn around and lie and be like, they were just trying
to make it look like we were making up with Tom Sandoval for money. You really were making
up with Tom Sandoval for money. So take the heat. If you're going to take the money,
then take the fucking heat and stop lying.
Yeah. So then Andy is basically asking like, Ariana, like, you know, why essentially like,
why did it take you so long to, you know, come to Sheena's side? And Ariana said that
Lala gave her like a perspective that she didn't think of, which is that like, people
are like, Ariana didn't want to add fuel to the fire. She didn't want to create more conversation around it and Lala said
there's gonna be conversation no matter what so you might as well you know defend your friend and
so she said that was like a really good thing. She'd Ariana's basically saying like you know
what Lala like like no like if people think I hate Lala right now Lala help me out I got perspective.
So um Andy was like,
well, what hurt you the most, Sheena, about hearing that Ariana was doing Dancing with the Stars?
She's like, um, well, that she didn't tell me. And like, I know that like another, like some other
people knew, like it just like, it wasn't just like the NDA, like I like Lisa knew and like Logan
knew and like Dan knew. And like, I feel like everyone knew that she was on Dancing with the
Stars, except for me. And I just feel like you can only learn how to do the box draw so many
times on your own before you're owed a phone call.
Gene, I even bought a sign for my kitchen that says Caliente.
It literally takes two to tango and I was on my own.
Yeah.
And Ariana, like, seriously is so fucking diplomatic.
It's hilarious.
It's like a game watching her just traverse all of this, right?
So, Andy's like, so you didn't trust Sheena?
Basically, just say it, Ariana.
You don't trust Sheena and Sheena's a stupid slut.
Just say it. And she goes, um, look, I didn't trust that Sheena wouldn't be overheard. I mean, is there a
better way to phrase that? She's like, I don't think that Sheena would necessarily tell anybody,
but I think she would be talking about it very loudly where other people would be writing
it down. It's Sheena.
And then, and then we know, but then she also adds like this compliment in it too, because
she was like, there was a leak and we had to really lock down what we said.
And she goes, and because she's a public figure who's being watched under a
microscope at that time, you know, we didn't want her to be overheard.
It's like saying like, she's just too famous to be given this information.
Oh yeah.
Well that totally makes sense.
Okay.
I appreciate that.
Like Sandra Bullock, no, because she's not as famous as Sheena.
Literally.
We were afraid that when Sheena received her Grammy
for APPLES that she might accidentally mention this
on stage.
So we just were like, let's just not let her know.
Yeah, Adele called me up to ask if I was gonna be free
in the fall to like, you know, come see Sheena in case
she asked Sheena to join her on tour. And I couldn't say anything to Del either. They're
all the same boat, Andy.
It was really all in the same.
It was honestly, and it was a great opportunity to be on Dancing with the Stars. If you don't
have Sheena on, you're just cruel. You are just cruel at this point.
Yeah.
So Andy basically endorses her.
I think that Andy face froze up our video.
Oh, that makes sense because I've been talking and you, I don't think you've heard me for
a little bit.
You went mute.
I can't hear you anymore.
Did I go mute?
How did I go mute?
Okay, so guys, this has been going on for one hour.
There goes the wifi.
Hotel wifi strikes again.
Or so I think we're gonna break now, okay?
And start over for part two.
Thank you so much for joining us for part one.
Ben is waving bye.
I don't know if anybody can hear me,
but if you can, this is the end of part one. Bye
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