Watch What Crappens - #2474 RHONJ S14E09 Part 1: Ladies Who Launch

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

This is part one of a two-part recapThis week on Real Housewives of New Jersey, Danielle has her twelfth launch party for her terribly designed clothing line, Rachel brings even more charisma to our screens, and Joe Gorga pats himself on the back for being nice to some gays. Watch this recap on video  and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ad-free right now on Wondery+. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on yield problems. Hi, I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi Ben. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good, how you doing? Welcome to Boozy Kids.

Were you excited to see some more Boozy kids action on Real Housewives of New Jersey? You know what? It's it's time to put this brand to rest. Okay, you cannot have three parties for the same brand within five weeks of this show. No, unacceptable. No, no, no. I know she said this is it. This is the grand finale, but no more bougie kids ever. I know she said, this is it, this is the grand finale,

but no more bougie kids ever. I don't even wanna see it ever. I want this thing to go bankrupt. Not because I want her to fail. I don't wanna have to see it or hear about it ever, ever again. Also, I feel like it's child abuse. I mean, you've seen these clothes, right?

They're fucking horrid. I mean, this is not okay. There's like that like, oh, it's fine. Do you know, like some leopard print or like, I get it. But this is just terrible. These are terrible clothes. It's not only leopard print, but it's like leopard print leggings with bell bottoms made out of drapery sleeves.

I don't know what the fuck she's going for, but it's literally hard to look at and it's child abuse. And I think she should, her children should be taken away from her. Jared Slauson Oh, well, CPS. You don't talk about someone's children. You don't talk about CPS, Ron, and you don't do that. Pete Slauson I'm not talking about the children. I'm talking about her. The children are great. It's child abuse. You're allowed to talk about child abusers. I'm not saying anything bad about the children. I'm saying things bad about the adults. What she is doing is fucking child abuse. Take away her design stick or whatever the fuck she's

doing. And yes, it does need a rest because they're tired. Get it out of here. Okay. Well, welcome to the Real Housewives of New Jersey recap today, everybody. We're here to recap it because that's what we do. We love it. We are doing this on video as usual. Crappin's On Demand is on Patreon if you want to watch it. And tonight is Crappy Hour, which is our Instagram live show every other week, 5.30 PM Pacific time. Join us for that. It's BravoGoth news. We also recorded a Love Island bonus that'll be out later in the week. Super fun. Talk about Love Island. So if you want to learn stuff, go join the Patreon. Okay. And yes, it's Love Island USA because we are a show that takes place in the USA. And that's what fucking Love Island we're talking about.

Let me tell you something. No matter what you thought of those presidential debates the other night, I'm going to tell you this much. This is the goddamn United States of America and that's the love Island we're talking about. Well, July 4th is on Thursday, so maybe that's when we should drop it. Maybe we will celebrate this fine nation by dropping Love Island US of A on 4th of July. United sluts of America. That's great. Male and female honey, slutt it up. United sluts of America, that is exactly right. Yeah, so go check that out because Love Island USA has been amazing and it was really fun to talk about it. So, uh, today we are talking about New Jersey, obviously. Uh, so let's just dive right into it. So, uh, we, we start up the episode with the usual thing, like what's going on around,

around New Jersey, you know? So we see, uh, Joe Gorga is excited. He has an officiant license because, um, he's going to be officiating cousin Nick's wedding. Cousin Nick who appeared out of nowhere this season. It's like, we never saw him before, but suddenly it's like, Hey cousin Nick, we love our gay cousin Nick. Hey, last night of pride, we're going to marry cousin Nick. Hey, there he is. There literally, there he is. He never was there before. There he is. I feel like Nick was pitched as just eyebrows.

I feel like they came in and they were like, you know what, we don't have enough gays on Jersey and I've got the gayest brows we've ever seen. They're gonna be the most beautiful representation of gayness and eyebrows we've ever seen on television. We're bringing in Nick. Yeah, the Gorgas are doing this whole thing where they're like, we can do it without Teresa.

Who needs Teresa? We've got our own family. And so, they've been posting all on my Instagram or whatever for the whole year about how this is their real family and who needs fake family when you can have real family and then it's always the gays. And then, of course, Joe's doing the pat on the back that he's, you know, so accepting of gay people, so much so that he even pats himself on the back during their actual wedding, you know, vow ceremony or whatever that he's running. So, congratulations, Joe. But the only thing you have in common with a priest is an occasional blowjob, okay? An occasional church wine drunk blowjob. So, please stop. J.K. Yeah. So, anyway, Melissa and Joe and Antonio are talking about this

they're getting excited and then we go over to the Aidan's and Olivia's like I have a heart I've got a hundred nine in Spanish and Jen's like oh yeah tell me something in Spanish baby she's like oh the como estas bien bonitos and's like, that's not a word, baby, but bienvenidos is welcome, separate men. As in you're welcome for me pushing you, and I didn't deserve to get slammed upside the head by a mountainous glass. Yeah, mommy, that's exactly right. So then we go over to Teresa's house,

and Teresa and Louie are cleaning up the yard after the party and everything. And then Bella poops on the patio. Oh my God, look at this. It looks like a tornado backing up something. Bella, what you doing? Oh my God, she pooped Louie. She pooped. Can you get some help with that Louie? Hi, people in New Jersey. How about let's start training our dogs? Yeah, how about that? No one on this show has a dog that doesn't poop all over the house? Really? Not one of

you? Every scene is someone's dog shitting in the house. Every single scene. Come on. Were the rumors that like production stopped filming for three weeks? What were the rumors after this fight? Was it that like Jen and Danielle were suspended for three weeks or something like that? Because it looks like the show just continued to ride on unless they just have very good editing. I thought that they were suspended and they weren't allowed to come back to the show and they were trying to scramble and figure out how to do this season without them, without two of the castmates. That's what the rumors were at the time, but it's been a long time. And obviously that didn't happen because they're just, I mean,

what's the point of suspending everybody if you're just going to pretend like nothing, like no time has passed, right? Right. Exactly. So Gia comes outside the backyard, she goes, sorry, I can't help you clean up, but I'm leaving for Michigan right now. My plane's in like an hour and a half. Okay, bye everyone. It's like, thanks Gia, thanks for the update. Yeah, give Gabriella a big hug and kiss for me, right? Aww, blink, blink, blink.

And she's like, yeah, she was trying to call us last night, but I guess we weren't answering our phones or something." And she's like, yeah, because it was so busy. It was a lot going on. Did you tell them what was on here in the house? Like no one's shocked that adult women got physical at a party. Okay. This is Real House West in New Jersey. No one's shocked. But I love that Teresa is spending the whole season like, oh my God, we're going to miss her so much. I don't even know what my life is going to be without her. And she's not even picking up the phone so that she can be in fights. She can watch fights

poorly in her backyard or whoever's backyard. Whose backyard was it? It was Teresa's backyard. Remember? It was Teresa's backyard. Oh yeah, the Buddha head. Yeah. Yeah. Tulum and all that stuff. So Teresa's like, yeah, I made the whole thing. You know, it's like I was like, I was like, I turned my head for like one second, you know, and then I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, sure. And then we actually do it. They show a slow motion and literally Teresa turns her head to the right, like a millisecond before Jennifer shoves Danielle. So funny. And I love it too, because it's like probably the exact same defense she used in court,

you know? He turned my head for one second, he tugged my hand and started to say, meh, meh, meh, meh. Same exact thing over and over. Patterns, patterns, guys. Okay. They're not just shitty things that Danielle does to children in the neighborhood. So Teresa is like, yeah, I didn't get to see who got physical that it was, who first. So, I was in shock. I was in shock.

Pete... Teresa, you're literally, your whole life is spent in shock. I've never seen someone. You look like you're actively being shocked by a live current half the time with the, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bl wing, wing, wing, wing, wing. Action. Whatever voltage she's getting, Louie's getting 10 times, like, he's like, woooooo, three. I always wonder if Teresa sees things in slow motion, cause you know those strobe lights, how they just make everything look slow motion

by flashing the lights on and off really quickly. She didn't even know fans move all this time. She has strobe light vision. See, they didn't even know fans moved. How do they make that air without even moving? She just only sees one. Why you walking so slow? I said, come on, I'm right here, Tweet.

She only sees one out of 24 frames in a movie. It's all herky jerky to her. with you, three shows. He's one out of 24 frames in a movie. It's all herky jerky to her. It's like member when member when, uh, Indiana Jones, someone threw that ball on him and then he was like, where'd the ball go? That was a five minute scene. Her strobe settings up really high. Now, now she, now she's at, she's beyond strobe. Now she's just at like time-lapse. She's like, plans grow so fast, don't they?

You know what's so nice? I can see Louis's face, but none of the background. He's like, Whoa, now you're on portrait mode, Tree. Hold on one second. She's like, Tree, what are you doing? I'm trying to get the arrow to follow the line. She's like, ah. Tree, what are you doing? I'm trying to get the arrow to follow the line. Oh, Tree, you gotta get out of panoramic. She's just an iPhone. She's just iPhone photostatics. That's the noise she makes when she does panoramic.

Tilting her head a little too far every time. Like. That arrow's like going up and down on the line like this. Tilt your head a little too far every time. Like, ah, ah. That arrow's like going up and down on the line like this. Yeah, how do they calibrate that stupid arrow in panoramic things anyway? How are you like moving your phone straight across and then the arrow's like pointing straight up? Like, what the fuck?

That doesn't even make any sense. Do people still even use the panoramic function? Because like, it's cool in theory, but you wind up with this long, this wide photo that's too wide for social media. Like on social media, it's just like a line and like where else I guess you could look at it on your phone, but do people really use their panoramic functions anymore? I do. Really? I know. I don't ever look at the pictures because you have to like finger the pictures open and then make a squeegee them open, whatever you call it. Flick, what do you call it? Re-do

that. Yeah. You do that and open. Yeah. And then it opens, but then you have to like move it with your finger across the screen. I don't know. It doesn't really make any sense. And also it makes everything really fish eye view, right? Yeah, just it does. It never captures. Should I do it? Should I try to do it a panoramic of my, of my office right in here? I'm going to try to do it. I'm going to, I'm going to explain this process. Okay. I'm going to do it like Teresa would. Okay. Panoramic,

pano. I'm already off. I'm already off with the arrow. Here we go. Oh, it says slow down, slow down. Come on, Louis, slow down. It's saying slow down. Come on, Louis. Oh no, the arrow is really off. Oh, what if I wanna stop doing the panoramic? I just press stop.

It's shitty. Can I tell you something? It's a shitty ass photo. No one's ever gonna use this. But yeah, you know, it's still there. They're still there guys. It doesn't make any sense. So anyway, where are we here? So Teresa, she's like, yeah, we don't even know who got physical, who first. Okay. Guys, Jen got physical first. Danielle was in her face. Jen started it. But Danielle went too far. I mean, smashing a glass, I

mean, even though it's plastic, it's just too much. Like, grow the fuck up, both of you. Grow the fuck up. So, I guess it's still like we're in kindergarten though. Like, who did it first? They're both idiots. Pete Slauson Both idiots. Jared Slauson Can we just start there? Let's just start with they're both idiots. Pete Slauson No lies detected.. So now we go over to Margaret's house and Margaret's watching Joe clean the pool and she's like, oh my God, look at you, the cutest pool man ever. Oh my God. Look, thank God. It's

all coming together. This looks fabulous. Joe, Joe, why aren't you wearing your seafoam shirt? You're cleaning a pool. You should wear seafoam when you're near the pool. Joe. God. Doesn't listen to anything. She's like, yeah, we've lived in this house for seven years. We've literally redone every square into this house. Take a look at it. A pattern on top of a pattern on top of an animal pattern, on top of a made up animal pattern, on top of a marble, on top of a granite, on top of a stone, on top of the linoleum, on top of a bordello, on top of a mall, on top of a flower, on top of a stone on top of the linoleum on top of a bordello on top of a mall on top of a flower

on top of a brick. We've mixed so many things in here. We're almost done. Please finish. Please just stop. What are you doing? And she says Rome wasn't built in a day. It was burnt down in a week. You know what I mean? People forget that part. Okay, wait, I just want to say Joe, I called the doctor and the test results are not going to be back to Monday. So a few more days. The PSA is like, all right, don't worry about it. No, but your PSA went up since last October. It's like, all right, well, you know, it doesn't run on my phone.

But your PSA, Joe prostate cancer, PSA, is it hereditary? I'm going to Google it. OK, I'm going to look this up. OK. Oops. Guess what? I found an article about how Jackie Goldstein is a total asshole. Whoops. Is that the same as a PSA? Here's a PSA. Jackie Goldstein sucks. The more you know, Let me Google prostate cancer worse than prostate cancer. Jackie, Jackie's picture came up here worse than prostate cancer. So she's saying that like, you know, they've been winning the results for his PSA and she's

really stressed and he like doesn't even care. But she's just like, I'm that like, you know, they've been winning the results for his PSA and she's really stressed and he like doesn't even care. But she's just like, I just like, I got to call the doctor. I got to call the doctor. That's what I'm going to do. Okay, I'm going to call the doctor right now. I'm calling the doctor. So but either way, she is freaking out and he's like, it's fine. It's totally fine.

So then we cut over back to Danielle's house and she's putting up decorations because of course she's this person who like when there's a new season she has a whole box of decorations for her house. She's like flicking the lantern with little pumpkins. She's got garlands. She's got all the cornucopias, all that bullshit. Yeah. So it's like, are you excited for the bougie kids? And she's like, yeah, I can tell. It's so real to think about the first time the product came at the door like what? What what what what what was she's like 18 months old you remember those nights of 3 a.m I youtube loaded out of cold remember that we was cold the website and now look at us

Hey, welcome to my rebrand. Yeah Ten parties in two weeks. Who the fuck it? I love that like the milestone for this brand is that she coded a website, not that she, you know, designed clothes. She's like, Oh yeah. God remember? Websites from YouTube videos was literally like 10 years ago. How long has she been trying to get a website up? Was this like 1999? Like she's entering raw HTML.

Girl. We've literally both been there and it's been a long time. Find a WordPress girl. Even that's old. Even the kids out there right now are like, what the hell's a WordPress? I know. Even that's old, but girl. Yeah, exactly. Trust me. I know all too well. So Danielle is like, yeah,

I'm hosting a relaunch party in a couple of days because I want to celebrate all the changes that we made this past year. Okay. It's not a relaunch because no one knew what the launch was in the first place. Okay. Like it's just your launch. You have to have like launched something. You have to send something a little bit up into the atmosphere before you can do a relaunch. But like your space shuttle has just been on that pad. Okay. For a long time. But not this stuff. Please don't send any of this stuff into the atmosphere because none of this is But like your space shuttle has just been on that pad. Okay. For a long time. This stuff don't please don't send any of this stuff into the atmosphere because none of this is biodegradable.

Like this is just all rayon. Like please don't launch it and send it directly to the sun and let it incinerate up and never be turned back into solar energy into a beautiful, you know, uh, actually I was going to say to have it turned into a beautiful Northern lights like Aurora Borealis, but you know, actually I was gonna say to have it turned into a beautiful Northern Lights like Aurora Borealis, but you know with Danielle, just our luck, her Aurora Borealis will be the most disgusting Aurora Borealis we've ever seen. And like suddenly everyone in Sweden is like, why is the sky pink and blue glitter? Disgusting. Yeah, I was gonna say you throw that into the sun, it's gonna like cause holes in the

ozone layer and like leopard print, you know, leopard spots. No, thanks. Yeah, she just needs to stop. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground, and I heard somebody say,

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and not the man pulling the strings? Follow Blame It On The Fame, Milly Vanilli, on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Blame It On The Fame early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So she's like, yeah, you know, uh, there's the grand finale. Cause you know, after I have fashion week and then I get a bad, you know, I got it. I mean, come on, maybe I have a grand finale.

Please, please. Some of us throw it a funeral. Let's go that far. Yeah. Because we know this is not the grand finale and we know it's going to come up a million times. You're going to hand out gift back. Well, I was gonna say you're gonna hand out gift bags at the reunion, but there is no reunion. Just, yeah, let it die. Let's just bury it in the ground and never speak of it ever again. So she has an enabler friend. What Danielle does is she

surrounds herself with an enabler. She's got Nate who tells her after she just clocked somebody upside the head with the glass, with a plastic cup rather rather at a party who's like, yeah, she deserved it hun. She's also got another enabler named Kayla, I believe her name is Kayla, who she comes up with these ideas like, you know what I want pink, I want pink everywhere, I want to be bougie, bougie kids." And then Kayla actually makes these insane ramblings happen. Please stop. Just everybody stop. You know, what happened? How come I have to pay for like a plastic grocery bag to save the earth?

But these people are allowed to just roam around putting whatever it is that they're doing. They're spray painting things. They're putting litter on children who are already litter. I mean, I mean, listen, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna fight on that. You know, humans can have human litter. It does happen. There's a reason why, there's a reason why they're called litters. Like you know, when a cat has too many cats, you call it a litter of cats, the hamsters,

it's their litter. Guess what? We have litters too. 05.00 Yeah. So, littering litters. So, cycle, cycle, guys. Okay. So then we see a flashback to Valentina's birthday party and it's horrifying. And then they're talking about who she's invited. Like who's lucky enough to make it on the list for the third party for bougie. 05.00 Who's lucky enough to make it on the list for the third party for bougie? Who's lucky to make it on the list for a for the third launch party for tutus so She's you know she's like it goes without saying that Jennifer is no longer coming and She's like she made fun of me talked about my character And I let slide a lot. But then she threw some shit about me, about Dog and Melissa, and I don't know, this is another level.

It is crazy. That was lethal. Lethal. Lethal. Yeah, I love when someone's like, how dare they fuck with my reputation after she just got into a physical fight. Right really last night, you know? So shit, you know,

just a calculator for what? For what? I can't even think. It's just the reason, you know, but if the house was she brought up Lena, this girl just has an issue with me because she got kicked out of a VIP lounge. Come on. Right. Exactly. So, um, yeah, she's like, you know, back when I'm fun, we say when, you know, she, she pushed me and she said, get out of my, back where I'm from, we say, when, you know, she pushed me and she said, got in my face, where I'm from, we say, she yoked me, she yoked me. You okay? And it made every hair in the back of my neck stand up

and I was in complete self-defense mode. So then I have always heard yoked as being like, wow, she's really yoked. Like, she looks really good. I always thought yoked meant like, you were really like buff, like you were so muscly. Your muscles looked like yolks that you would attach an oxen to. You know, like you're so strong. You look like I could attach two oxen to you and you could haul

a wagon. I just always thought that's what that meant. What does it mean if someone is yoked? I'm asking Google. Having well-defined muscles, very muscular. Yeah, you're right. That's what it says. What does it mean if you're yoked with someone? Pete I don't know if my etymology is correct. Yeah. Pete Well, I mean, it's in dictionary.com, okay? And formal, something that connects two things or people, usually in a way that unfairly limits freedom, the yoke of marriage. Pete Slauson Right, right. Yeah. That's more of the oxen. That's where my etymology works better. That is like, you know, the oxen just want to be free,

but you put them on a yoke and they've got to pull a wagon. So, it's kind of like ball and chain, you know? Jared Slauson I guess. Okay. But I liked yours better. I think, I think that's how I've heard it, like muscular then, I guess. So, anyway, she got yoked. Okay. But I liked yours better. I think, I think that's how I've heard it, like muscular then I guess. So anyway, she got yoked. Okay. So Nate, of course, is like, yeah, get a baby. Wait, where am I? So now again, I'm, I feel tricked because I'm watching this and I believe everything Danielle's saying that everything's innocent. She just didn't want to bring this Laura girl because obviously Jen and Teresa are trying to be messy. And the second she decided she wasn't going to be messy with them, they turned on her and now are doing their best to make her look stupid. But then when Jen says, everything that

Jen says, I believe Jen too, even though I should know better. I mean, I've watched this show, but does Jen lie or does she exaggerate? Like, what's the deal here, Ben? I've seen every episode of Jen Aiden and I still can't figure it out. Ben. or does she exaggerate? Like, what's the deal here, Ben? I've seen every episode of Jen Aiden and I still can't figure it out. Ben I think she's an exaggerate. Well, she is, Jen Aiden is of the school of, like, she just has her own reality. So I don't think that she lies. I think she hears things the way she hears them. She misinterprets. She's of the Brandy Glenville school. And there's many of these housewives out there that just sort of hear things in a certain way. I'm trying to think about their examples. Maybe Leah McSweeney, if I remember correctly,

but you know, every now and then there are just these housewives that hear things with them. Well, I think Brandi is a straight up liar though. Yeah, she at this point. I don't think Brandi innocently, I think Brandi just makes shit up and lies. So is that what Jen's doing? do you think? I don't, uh, well, I think that Jen is, well, what did Jen say? What was, what was Jen's side of this again? And then I'll, I guess we'll get to it. I guess we'll get to it.

I'm going to put a pin in it and then, and then after we, after we get to what she says, then I'll say if she's lying or not. Okay. So, um, let me see, where am I here? I would have caught, then I'll say if she's like, yeah. So Jen's like, you know, before my charity event, I learned that Lynn and Jen wanted to bring Laura with them. Oh no, that's Danielle who says that. So Jen's like, so Laura was telling me, Margaret told her, that someone saw Melissa making out with another. So that's why nobody wants this Laura chick around, because she tried to spread all this nasty stuff, right? So then Danielle says, when I found out that they were trying to bring Laura, I called Jen and I said, what are you fucking out of your mind bringing this girl to this party,

right? So when we see flashback to four days ago at the housewarming party, Jen is very upset that Laura was kicked out of the VIP lounge. And we see Jen saying, yeah, I was upset about the Laura thing. And I was like, you don't even want to. They're OK. Like, just please stop yelling at me, please. I can't take anymore yelling. Yeah. And then Danielle's like, and guess, and I guess Jen got mad because she

thought I was picking a side. And like, who fucking knows? But like, so maybe like by me not playing dirty, like Jen thought she had no use for me anymore. So she started talking about my character. Yeah. And so she didn't want to hurt Margaret and Melissa by bringing this Laura chick. So now Jen's mad at her. And I agree, right? That sounds nuts. Jared, Yeah. At this point, I'm very much on Danielle's side about this. I must say, I was on Danielle's side last week, too. I'm not gonna lie. I've been on Danielle's side

through this entire process. Nat, Yeah. So far I am. But then the stuff Jen says sounds true as well. So, because side last week too. I'm not gonna lie. I've been on Danielle's side through this entire process. Jared So far I am, but then the stuff Jen says sounds true as well. So, because I would believe that coming from Danielle, because Danielle does have a gigantic head for a second season housewife, you know? Like, she is gigantic. So, I do kind of believe what Jen is saying too. I just don't know. But we'll get to that in a minute. This is another thing that gives Danielle very little credibility, which is it's yet another family member she's not talking to when the conversation moves over to

her dad. And Nate's like, you know, I think we should invite your dad. And she's like, I'm sick of my dad. She's on my brother's side, but, you know, he's had to miss too many things. Missing this? That's a big one. That's a big one. It's only 10 bougie parties. He's gotta be able to come to one. I mean, I'm not a complete fucking monster. Yeah, I think that she wants him to come to this

because it'll be like the grand finale. It's like, I wonder, is she trying to produce her own season here where it's like, this is gonna be like the climax of my storyline. My dad's gonna come, we're gonna tie this all up with a nice little bow. He's gonna put his fist in his mouth and cry. Oh, it's so beautiful. Danielle is so beautiful. So I think that's there's a part of me that feels

like that's her grand plan. But but then it doesn't it doesn't totally make sense because they haven't even gone on their vacation yet. But knowing Danielle, she would think that she could have the season finale before there's even a vacation. Yeah. Um, well, yeah, cause I mean, who even knows how long they've been shooting at this point? Cause this is episode nine. So that's, you know, it's pretty, they could make a whole season out of this.

No mid season trailer yet, which is wild. Yeah. There were this deep. season out of this, you know? No mid-season trailer yet, which is wild. Yeah. So, um, then we go over to Paulie and Dolores. Guess what Dolores is doing, just like every other cast member on this show, cleaning up some animal pee. Oh my God, dog, you're going to get pinched. Okay, keep on walking, dog. Paulie finds out that you just peed.

Oh God, you just peed on Paulie. Dog, what's wrong with you? What's up, Dad? Oh God, dog. Paulie finds out that you just peed. Oh god, you just peed on Paulie. Dog, what's wrong with you? What's up, dad? Oh god, Paul, I'm so tired. But you know what? I don't think I'm gonna be sitting on this couch doing stuff much longer, because now I've got an office.

He's like, yeah, I was just there. It looks good. So guess what, America? I accepted the offer to help run Paul's electrical company. This is a huge deal for me because I'm scared of new things like electricity. I didn't even know we had it all this time. Some things I just figure come from prayer. You know, when Paul said, will you join my electric company? I said, Paul, I haven't watched that show in years. How am I supposed to be on it? He says,

no, don't be on electric company. Be in my electric companies. Okay, I can do that. Can I still sing songs? He said, you know what, let's table the songs. I said, you know what, I'm not sure about that, but I'm going to embrace new things, Paul. So I'm involved. By the way, Paul, when I say electric company, I really mean brothel. Can't wait to go to your brothel. I mean, that whole rumor about Paul running brothels, this electric company does not make sense. Are we all just... I love that in Jersey, we watch Jersey and we just pretend this is all making sense. The fandom's just eating it up.

Like, oh, yeah, Loris is going to go work for an electric company. No, she's not. I believe the brothel rumor is over the fact that he's open. He's just starting an electric company. I don't believe it. I'm sorry. Okay. This is Jersey. I don't believe it. I want to know what the truth is. Well, I should have called in today because that's how tired I am. I should have called in because Oh, maybe you should call out. That's what we call it here in America. Calling out. I'll call it in. What do you say? Calling in or calling out? should call out. That's what we call it here in America, calling out, not calling in.

What do you say, calling in or calling out? I call in. I thought it was like, I'm calling in sick. I'm going to call in sick. Calling in to stay out? I'm out. I'm going to call in sick. I'm calling in to call out. Honestly, I think that probably is incorrect here. I'm calling out. I'm calling out. No, it's like, you don't want to call out something. You don't want to have your company called out,

especially when it's revealed to be a brothel. Countess Luanne undercover discovery. But no, I think it's called in. I called in sick. I called in late. That's what I've always said. I've always called in, yeah. I don't like him coming from some other country

and telling us what our sayings are. Not when July 4th is this week, not in America week, not when Love Island USA is airing. When you call someone out, you issue a direct challenge to something they've said or done, usually in public with the intent of exposing the person's wrongdoing to others, in which case you will get a glass upside the head. Okay? So, Jen called out Danielle.

Danielle crashed a plastic cup on the side of her head. Okay? That's what calling out is. Calling in, unlike calling in, calling out does not generally feature patient empathetic dialogue with a trusted person. Okay? So, what is calling out? Do you call into work or call out? While call out can also be used, it may have different connotation in some industries. In some cases, call out can imply the act of reporting in

absence in a more urgent or unplanned situation, such as last-minute emergency. Pete Slauson Okay. Jared Slauson I've literally never heard of someone calling out sick. I just don't hear it. I don't hear it. It doesn't make any sense. But you know what though, when I moved to California, like growing up, when people talked about smoking weed, they would say, I'm going to smoke up. But out here in California, they say smoking out. So, you know, like,

no, you smoke up, right? You smoke up. When you're smoking, when you're smoking, you smoke up. Or if I'm like, hey, Ben, let's smoke up. But then if you don't have any weed and I'm like, Ben, you should come over, I'll smoke you out. Oh. Does that make sense? I didn't even know there was a variable context for saying those phrases. Yeah, or like, let's say you were stalking me and you were hiding in my house.

Yeah. And I knew you were in there. Again, yes. But you were stalking me and you were hiding in my house. And I knew you were in there. But you wouldn't answer me when I called. So then I started the living room on fire to smoke you out. Well, I understand that. That would understand that. That's a different one. But don't you feel like there's a better way

to get me out of the house though, than starting your house on fire? You're like, I think you can't stop me. Oh my God, they're starting to play Settlers of Catan on the, on the cul-de-sac. I'd be like, excuse me. You're like a chair move. I crawl out from under the bed. That's a hundred percent how you get. I think they're watching Love Island while they play Settlers of Catan on, on the cul-de-sac while they're eating strip waffles. It's crazy.

You're like a, bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. It's me going down the stairs. I just see a little Ben flailing all the way. A little lightning version of Ben. Well, I was gonna stalk today, but it turns out there's support games and Love Island happening with stroopwafels?

Amazing. Why that guy walking so slowly down the street? He's running, Teresa. Stop blinking. Anyway, Dolores, she's like, well, I got to call out in because you know, he's like, well, what would you have said if you did that? She goes, well, I would have said, hi, I can't make it in today. I had a very late night. My friends beat each other up and I'm just tired. I'm emotionally drained. Also, I literally flew to Tulum. That's what it felt like. It was a beautiful party. I was like, I was transported to another country. I can't come in today.

Adam Lickman By the way, last week when Teresa's like, we're going to have a hedonism party. And then Danielle was trying to explain what hedonism party. Pete And then Danielle was trying to explain what hedonism is and we were like, this woman's a complete moron. What she meant was there's actually a resort, I guess, in Tulum called hedonism or something like that. And of course, I learned this from comments. So, I'm not sure if that's correct or not. I learned this from reading comments. Jared No, no. I saw that comment too and here's where I rebuke it, because someone said, do you know what hedonism means? The definition on, okay, if there's a place called hedonism, you say, oh, isn't there

a resort called hedonism? You don't say, oh, hedonism means, and then describe a resort as the definition of a word. I'm sorry, I rebuke it. I know, but it's like trying to piece together Jersey English. It's like a different, it is like watching International Housewives sometimes. And I don't mean because of Italian, I don't mean that way. I mean just Jersey. Specifically Jersey. Jared Yeah. Pete It's like, what are they saying? What are they talking about? Like that,

a couple weeks ago, I already corrected this, but I want to correct it again because people keep bringing it up to me. A few weeks ago when Teresa kept saying Fagazy, John Fagazy, Fagazy, we got a comment saying she's pronouncing it that way because she's calling him gay because of the dildos in the ass. I repeated that comment. I said it was a comment. It's not true. Apparently people say Fagazy. So I just want to say again, I'm not calling her, you know, a gay basher or whatever. But that's one of those things that I'm talking about, because I watched a YouTube video of a guy saying, fagazi, fagazi, fine from Italian, I teach you how to say Italian words, fagazi. So, I just don't know. And it's always like taking a

class watching this show. And I just wanted to say, guys, I'm learning. Okay? I'm well, my ears are open. Pete I am so glad for that growth. And I think that we're really exploring so many, we're really focused on language today. Yoke, hedonism, calling in, calling out. I mean, really, you know, you come for the recap, but you stay for the linguistics. Am I right? Jared Yeah, you come, you come for the recap, but you stay for the linguistics, am I right? Yeah, you sure do. Actually, I mean, you know, this isn't even linguistics. This is just language skills. This is grunt, grunt mystics.

You're just trying to figure out grunts at some point. It's like, it's like always trying to figure out Teresa's saying when she does that sling blade thing where, you know how she'll talk, she'll be like, yeah, then I'll like, eh. That's when her typewriter reaches the end of the line and has to go back and start a new line.

There's just like a little noise that will come out of Teresa every once in a while. What was the thing that he would say at sling blade? Okay, so calling in versus calling out is where we are. So she's like, yeah, you know, I'm tired, but I texted the girls I checked in. And I'm curious if Melissa and Margaret even know what happened at that party. Because it's literally insane. We're going to see him at the wedding. Does Melissa and Margaret even know? Are you kidding me? Of course they know. First of

all, they're friends that are, I'm sure their friends are production to all them. And second of all, I mean, what? Serena Tentafly suddenly stopped spreading gossip the moment she goes to sleep. Of course I heard everything. It was all over the a Tenafly, suddenly stops spreading gossip the moment she goes to sleep. Of course, I heard everything. It was all over the Tenafly in the morning news, okay? I turned it on and said, hello, welcome to the Tenafly morning news. Last night, Danielle Cabral smashed a plastic cup against Jennifer Aiden, that slut's neck.

More news coming up in five. Now it's time for The Weather with Joe. Joe, Joe, what's the weather? What's the weather? Tell us the weather. Do I know what happened at that party? Let me tell you. Joe's PSA was high. So we went in and we got a, we got a, you know, an X-ray. You look at the X-ray, the colon is smashing

a plastic glass up against the prostate. Okay. That's how much I know about what went on. All right, Serena, hold on one second. Joe is here with the weather update. Okay, Joe, okay. This is why I tell you what to wear because you're wearing a green shirt. Guess what happens when you wear a green shirt on a green background? Yeah, congratulations. You're doing the weather report with a floating head.

Way to go, Joe. Okay, I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry, Ten of Lie. Sorry, Ten of Lie. So, Dolores is like, wow, last night got really ugly. I mean, that was a disaster. It was a disaster Paul. Oh, hold on one second. Rachel's calling me. Hello, gorgeous Rachel fooder face.

Hi. Hi, cutie. How's it going? That was, that was, I'm sorry. That was Rachel being, that was my impersonation of Rachel being bereft and exhausted from drama. Rachel is Hi, cutie. Hi, cutie. Hi, cutie. You look exhausted. Rachel is exhausting me. Okay. So she's, I don't know.

This is so mean to even laugh at it, but it's just such a housewives thing to say. Cause she goes, you look exhausted and Laura says like, you don't look exhausted and you're full face and makeup. What are you doing? And she goes, I'm hosting an event for the arthritis foundation. That made me laugh because housewives usually comes up with such silly things.

And I know that arthritis is real. Please do not write me and tell me how real arthritis is. I get that it's real and I don't even, I feel guilty for even laughing, but I did. Just how Rachel says everything. I don't, I don't know how she can make everything sound like this, but she does. She's like, I'm hosting an event for the arthritis foundation. I'll laugh everything she says. Why? Cause she's funny cause she's very serious about everything.

I'm doing a support group for kids with arthritis. Oh, well, that's very nice and say hi to arthritis for me. I will do that. So Rachel. One of my friends and I, we met at arthritis camp as a child. I was like, why, why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me? Arthritis camp.

It's a good cause. It's good. These kids have, these kids have, have rheumatoid arthritis and it sucks. And now they are. It is. It does suck. It It's just Rachel has just such a dramatic way about her. Well also, I feel like it's not called Arthritis Camp. Is it really called Arthritis Camp? It's probably called like Sunrise. I think that's what it is. Like I've never heard of Arthritis Camp or whatever, you know, but yeah, that's her thing. So she's going to arthritis. She's doing this thing for kids with arthritis. They do. Yeah, they have JA camps, juvenile arthritis camps.

Oh, yeah. See, I would. Okay. Well, I okay, it's to me, what's amusing about it is that like, I would think would have a name like we met at, you know, horizons, which was a camp for kids with juvenile arthritis, not like I went to arthritis camp, because it sounds like you go there to explore, you know, like arthritis activities and stuff, you know? Yeah. I don't know. Like, what do you do at arthritis camp? You know, I don't know. It's not like I'm trying to think of things you just don't have to move your because you have arthritis in different places, right? It's like we went to arthritis camp, but we had I'm trying to think of things you just don't have to move your... because you have arthritis

in different places, right? We went to arthritis camp, but we had to do it in places where it never rains because we didn't want anyone's knees to seize up. Because doesn't arthritis get worse when the weather is coming? I think juvenile arthritis is different than that kind of arthritis. I feel like juvenile arthritis, it's more of like a... it's an autoimmune disease, and so it's more debilitating or just a different kind of debilitation. Whereas like the arthritis that, that we think

of with like, you feel it in your knuckles and stuff just comes from wear and tear in your cartilage. I think of my meemaw being like, it's going to rain. And we're like, why meemaw? My elbow's season, you know? So I just think of kids being like, it's going to rain my elbow season. But I know it's a lot deeper than that. I don't know. It's just Rachel's just so self-serious about every little thing. Like usually housewives, there's just so much fun and Rachel's just so self-serious about every fucking thing. It's not that I don't think arthritis camp is real. Okay. Anyway, there's

not a whole lot that I've done myself into. And I'm not gonna dig myself out of it. Pete Slauson Take ourselves out of the arthritis camp hole. Jared Slauson Sorry. Pete Slauson We've gotten to a lot of holes. We've definitely put ourselves into a lot of holes in this podcast over 12 years. I did not expect Arthritis Camp to be one of them. An arthritis hole. Like, how do you...

Yeah. It's just an extra special feeling of guilt because like, I know it's a real thing and they're children, you know, so I don't want to make fun of that. It's just that Rachel, it's just everything she says, it's like, well, I have arthritis camp. Of course you do. Of course. Can you have one episode where you just have fun? Have we ever seen her have fun in one fucking episode? It's like, Jesus Christ, go to a mall. You know what I mean? Like, you went from that episode to arthritis camp the very next day, like, line up, lady.

Go do something fun with your life, okay? Okay. And I'm not taking it back. Payton, it's happening. You're finally being recognized for being very online. It's about damn time. I mean, it's hard work being this opinionated. And correct.

You're such a Leo. All time. So if you's hard work being this opinionated. And correct. You're such a Leo. All time. So if you're looking for a home for your worst opinions. If you're a hater first and a lover of pop culture second. Then join me, Hunter Harris. And me, Peyton Dix. The host of Wondry's newest podcast, Lemme Say This.

As beacons of truth and connoisseurs of mess, we are scouring the depths of the internet so you don't have to. We're obviously talking about the biggest gossip and celebrity news. Like it's not a question of if Drake got his body done, but when. You are so messy for that, but we will be giving you the b-sides, don't you worry.

The deep cuts, the niche, the obscure. Like that one photo of Nicole Kidman after she finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise. Mother, a mother to many. Follow, let me say this, on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to episodes everywhere on May 22nd, or you can listen ad free by joining Wondery Plus and the Wondery app on Apple podcast. So then she's talking about it and Dolores is like, oh, that's nice. She goes, yeah,

it's very important. And she goes, oh, that's great. Arthritis camp. Love that for nice. She goes, yeah, um, it's very important. And she goes, oh, that's great. Arthritis camp. Love that for you. She's like, well, let me tell you something else about arthritis. It hurts. She's like, I got it, Rachel. It hurts bad. And you know who would hurt the most? The children. Oh, for fuck's sake. All right, fine. I'm opening a brothel. You got it out of me. Hold on. I'm going to call out of this phone call. So

Is it an arthritic brothel? Yes or no? Oh, for Christ's sake. So we not talk about arthritis? I'm busy. Okay. I got to go check on the the healer monsters made out of focaccia. I'll be back.

You know what? It's so disappointing. There's this I mean, there's so much nonsense going on with this group of women and I'm so grateful that I'm here at arthritis camp, devoting my time and energy to something that's really meaningful. And you know what? Juvenile arthritis is rare,

but it's hard to find people that understand how you feel. And she's basically saying, she's actually not at arthritis camp right now. She's at a support group for kids with juvenile arthritis. And she's saying like, you know what? We fight about such stupid things. And there's like more important things to think about in life, which is why I'm not going to show any sort of perspective whatsoever for the rest of this episode. I'm not going to take away any lessons from this. I'm not going to say, why am I having a fight with Theresa Giudice over the stupid comment? I

should just move on. Instead, she's just going to keep on going doing what she's been doing all season. Yeah. So Rachel's like, well, you know, they start talking about the fight, right? And she's like, so Jennifer pushed Danielle? Why? Why does she do that? Glorius is like, because Jennifer was questioning Danielle's integrity as a friend and then all hell broke loose. Okay, I was watching it from a distance because I didn't want to get in the fight because it had to do with extensions and I'm currently wearing the extensions of the girl that they were fighting about and that's just bad manners. Listen, if I drive with you or I'm wearing your extensions, I'm not going against you. That's how we do it where I'm from.

Okay, Dolores. Well, I got to go inside and set up, but yeah, thanks for gossip. Yeah, well, good for you. It's how we do it where I'm from. Okay, Dolores. Well, I got to go inside and set up. But yeah, thanks for gossip. Yeah, well, good for you. I'm very proud of you, little Rachel Fuda. She goes, yeah, thanks little Dolor. Don't ever call me little Dolor again. Where I'm from, that's like calling someone a slob. And where I'm from calling someone a slob, that's like calling someone the C word. And where I'm from calling someone the C word, actually, it's kind of like just saying hello. It's nice actually.

It's actually very nice. We've circled back into polite society again. You never know how fun it was gonna end. Yeah, all right, see you later you little C word. Hey. So then inside Rachel's event, so then we go there and then it just keeps going. That's what I'm talking about.

That's nice. Okay, that's a nice scene. That's over now. Yeah, that's a nice scene. These poor kids. The kids are cute and stuff. Yeah, it's nice that they have each other. So then we go to Cedar Lakes Estate, which is the wedding. So Joe's excited. In Port Jervis, New York.

Finally, Port Jervis lands on the map of the Real Housewives. Is that an exciting place for you? Yeah, Port Jervis is, it's pretty much where New Jersey and Pennsylvania and New York come together. It's very exciting. It's just a real exciting place in America. Sounds like it. Jervis.

Yeah, I used to have to drive by it when I would go visit my brother when he lived in Scranton, Pennsylvania. So yeah, you know, uh, you know, have you ever had an anecdote that like literally goes nowhere? That's what my port Jervis anecdote is. My port Jervis. That anecdote had the personality of Jervis.

I once, I remember one time, okay, I have an anecdote. I have an anecdote there. This anecdote is like Jervis. You just passed by it to get to your brother. Okay. I remember one time when I was 18, I stopped at the gas station there to get gas and I bought a penthouse magazine because I was like, Ooh, I could buy porn. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm in port Jervis. No one knows me here. No one will see me buying a porno.

So I bought a penthouse and then I looked at it in the car and then I threw it out. I was like, no one shall ever know. All evidence has been erased that I ever, me, Ben Mandelker, bought a pornographic magazine in port chervis. Wow. Did your brother have to ride in that car after? Cause that's not good. Hey, why's it smell weird in here? There was no naughty business. It was just purely looking. I was like, huh.

Who does that? Who looks at porn just to like flip through it and throw it away? That's such a waste. Like you didn't even. I didn't really know. I didn't really know that the full range of activities that could go along with a porno magazine.

You were old enough to drive to port Jervis and buy a penthouse. You were old enough. Yeah, but I was like, I was already terrified. Jervis is half the word. I was already terrified enough that I'd bought a penthouse magazine. I was like, honestly, I was like, are there going to be penises in here? Are there going to be penises? Cause I was, of course I was not going to buy a big girl.

I can't believe you even bought a penthouse. That's crazy. I used to go to the bank that my Mema worked at and steal them from the, from the, uh, Well, that's the way to live your life. You can't go, you just can't wait. Yeah. Very exciting because I went to Catholic school at the time. Okay. My Mema worked downtown at the bank and I went to Catholic school at Cathedral High School up the street. And I didn't like going to gym class, so I would walk to Mima's bank, and then I would

go steal dirty magazines from the gift shop downstairs. Like, the Catholic school. But why was there, but wait, question, why was there dirty magazines at the bank? Because it was a bank office, you know, like the offices of the bank. So it was like a huge building in downtown El Paso. So she was on like the top two floors, but then there were other offices and stuff and there was a big gift shop with a magazine store. Cause I was going to say like the worst place you could try to steal something from is a bank.

Like that's just a bad idea. But now that I know that it was just in the lobby of the building where there was a bank. Yeah. So you just shoplifted. All the time. there was a bank. Yeah. So you just shoplifted? All the time. It felt so good because I was like at Catholic school and then my meemaw was also very religious and so she was always trying to like spank into us Jesus, you know, like she was a very fire and brimstone kind of Christian.

Like I used to have to go stay at her house on the weekends so I could go to Jesus' Chapel, which was their church. And my mom would ship me off so I would have to Jesus' Chapel, which was their church. And my mom would ship me off, so I would have to go there with my cousin Matt. So, yeah, I loved committing sin. I was like, this is amazing. I'm ditching Catholic school and stealing from the ultimate Christian's work. I felt so bad. Pete I refuse to be shamed by you for not jerking off in the parking lot in Port Jervis. Jared Let's say it! Pete by you, a common criminal.

I am a common criminal, but listen, I came, you know what I mean? So like, who's the real winner here? It was, it was too much. Like I was, I was already, I was already like violating the rules of best little boy in the world by just buying a penthouse, but the thought of actually jerking off, I'm also, I wasn't going to jerk off in my car. I don't do that. It's not where I jerk off. Oh, come on. Especially as an 18 year old. Port Jervis. I jerked off in my Memos bank. I mean.

Well, maybe if the bank was in Port Jervis, you would have thought twice. It's a classy place. Oh my god, you guys, we've just alienated the whole audience. By the way, we were just trying to get past children's arthritis. And now look at where we are. This is why we should stay in the arthritis hole. Because if we're out of the arthritis hole, who knows where we're going to wind up. What sort of craven tales are going to come from the lobby of a Texas bank or parking lot in Port Jervis. Well, how would that story have ended if I had childhood arthritis? You know what I'm

saying? Completely differently. Okay, let's move past that. That's better. It may have been better if your hands weren't so active. All right. Cedar lakes estate. So it's the gay eyebrows wedding. Okay. So next, like father Joe, how are we doing? He's like, Oh, you know, I'm a little nervous cause you know, like it's so special.

You know, it's real. This means so much to me. This really means, this really means so much to me. You know, not that I've never chosen by gay guys, because I'm literally always chosen by gay guys. Seriously. Like, can I tell you something though, Uncle Joe, the reason I asked you to marry us, it's like you breathe love, you breathe love also smells a little bit like whiskey too. I'm not gonna lie. But love and whiskey, it's nice. And sort of smells a little bit like whiskey too I'm not gonna lie but love

and whiskey it's nice and sort of smells a little bit like drywall too a little bit of drywall you know and some pasta what have you been eating listen you know what you know what uncle Joe here's the reason I wanted you to marry us I hate going to Home Depot and use band from there. It's perfect. We'll never have to go to Home Depot together. He's like, that's so romantic. I love you as guys. And Melissa's like, oh my God, guys, don't make me cry. I just put my makeup on.

You know what? Nick and Mike are such a great example of true love. They both really struggled coming out. Nick was nervous to tell all the men in my family and Mike's family didn come today because, you know, he once was arrested for jerking off in a parking lot in Port Jervis. So it's just a great example for my kids is to see what love is. That love is love. And Mike's family's not coming because they don't accept that he's gay. So fuck you, Mike's family. Listen, if you're going to ditch the wedding, you should ditch it because Melissa's

going to be there, not because of gay people. Pete Slauson Oh, I wonder if Melissa's sister is going to be there. Pete Slauson Of course they're going to be there, both of them. Pete Slauson No, no, no, no, no, not that one. The one that she thinks might, yeah, that might be out there somewhere that she's not sure exists, but she's pretty sure she might exist somewhere.

Pete Slauson The psychic told her that she's not sure exists, but she's pretty sure she might exist somewhere. The psychic told her that she needed a storyline. So she came up with a missing sister, kind of. Hey, here comes the bride and here comes the other bride. Just getting the both guys. Hey, this is Joe Gorga here to officiate your wedding. I just want to say for all the gays, your parting gift favor is I'm gonna text you

a pic of my dick later on. You're welcome in advance. Okay, to my cousins, my best friends, I love you both. When I met you, I left you and said, look at these two gay guys. Am I right? Oh no, actually what I said was, wow, look at this guy. He's a good looking guy. I bet you're really like, you know, doing good with the ladies, huh?

Like how you get into the end, getting in the penis into the vagina. Isn't that right? Every Friday night, penis goes into vagina you secrete your Seeming your poison you're right into her vagina cuz that's what men do. Am I right? Am I right? And I was like, how's the ladies? I must be knocking them dead. I'm not crazy. I said that to a gay guy Yeah, they don't they don't have sex with women. That's a joke You guys can laugh at it. I get this degree for nothing on college. Huh? Huh anyone anyone right? Yeah, no idea. I was keeping this burden on you. I had no idea that all this time I

Could have just been showing you my dick and you could have been getting off on it, man What a waste and and then one day you came out to me and I said what'd you say? I got my dick in your mouth. I can't And I said what'd you say? I got my dick in your mouth You took it out you said I'm gay I said I ain't gay I ain't dating you And then I hugged you and I don't know if was you it was me, but one of us was hard down there I don't know what was going on, but it was good Here's the point thank you so much for this opportunity to say gay a lot. This is so gay was hard down there. I don't know what was going on, but it was good. Here's the point. Thank you so much for this opportunity to say gay a lot.

This is so gay. All right. Two guys get married. It was fucking crazy. I can't wait to see the top of your cake. No pun intended. Am I right? It was like the only top in this wedding. Am I right? You know what? It was just a beautiful moment, America. When I met Mike, we really connected. And he like doesn't even have a family, okay? So they wouldn't even find out that I was boning him so much.

And it makes me think that my sister, and I say, wow, she's not gonna be at my kids' weddings. I'm not gonna be at their weddings. I'm not gonna be there. He's not gonna be there. She won't be here. I won't be there. Who's gonna be there? I don't know. But you know what I know?

It's no way for a family to act. So that's why from this moment on I pledge To still keep not talking to have my family Right now it's like this is a very touching speech about how you're never ever gonna forgive your family Wow you're never ever gonna forgive your family. I know. Wow. He's like, by the power invested in me, by the state of New York, I now pronounce you pizza oven and pizza oven. Who stole my fucking pizza oven, am I right?

Just kidding guys, they're gay, just clap, all right. Hey baby, let's go to my house, okay? Welcome back, I'm having two weeks in Jen Feslow, okay? And biscuits barking as they walk into my house, okay? Welcome back. I'm having Teresa and Jen Feslow over, okay? And Biscuit's barking as they walk into my house and scene. So Teresa comes over, she goes, Yeah Biscuit, we can hear you. And I was like, I thought I was the only person who heard Biscuit's. I've had that ability since I was a child. Every time I walk past a Biscuit, they're like,

Ronnie, jerk off on me in a pink hat'm like, I love you. Biscuits. Just cut to Ronnie and a pork Jervis parking lot, looking at a magazine of biscuits. I don't know what the hell's wrong with those today. It's cause we're stressed. So Teresa's like, we've had a lot of malfunctions this morning. America, this is what you need to know. It's been a rough morning over here, guys. It's been a rough morning.

Things have gone wrong in so many different ways and, um, now we're just looney toons, so maybe we should just have more chaotic mornings. Biscuits. So, um, they're talking about biscuit. Okay. So, Jennifer Aiden, okay. So, Fessler comes over and she's like, oh, what are we having? Chicken salad? I'm going to have some chicken salad because I'm never going to have this in my house. Am I right? Oh, hilarious. Now, more importantly, Jennifer Aiden, how are you Jennifer Aiden? After that fight last night, how are you? Tell me everything.

I thought, baby, I thought that's asking. And Teresa's like, I'm sorry that that happened at my house. I mean, to loom. Yeah. Blink, blink, blink. I feel really bad. That was some serious hedonistic. Some, I think initially, baby, I was in shock.

Shock over it, baby. And she's a treat to that. I don't know how I missed that. I missed it too. I didn't see a thing. Not one single thing. Well, she crushed a friggin' tree on my head, girl. The cup was broken.

It was broken, baby. Yeah, but she's saying that you pushed it up first did you push her hard like show me how you pushed her show me and then so she stands up and she gets in Teresa's face and waves her finger around and Teresa's like ah she was waving her finger not like that and then she then guess what she did after that i I just gave her a little push like, hey, you're my best friend. And even though we're fighting, my finger's on your shoulders right now.

Show how much I love you. And after I showed her that very loving gesture, she took a plastic cup and slammed it up against my neck, baby. And then she kind of pushes Teresa and Teresa falls back down and Teresa goes, that would not be gone. Be quiet. Didn't you just do that to Andy Cohen like three seasons ago or four seasons ago? You're in

no position ma'am. My reaction was just to defend myself. Okay. And then that I even felt bad. I felt so bad to reset. And she's like, yeah, but you know what? Like she said that you stole money from some charities. You don't steal from charities. I never said that. I don't even remember. You know, she was just saying she pays back her expenses and she said, and then I pay myself for my time. And I'm like, did she say she's paying herself for charity? Well, see, that's where I'm like, okay, well, I am on Gen side then because it sounds like something that someone would say, right? Like after I pay myself back. I mean, logically, I could imagine Danielle saying that, you know?

Okay, so let's say Danielle said it, okay? Which would not be the first time some shady business has happened on this show. If Jen and Danielle are friends, I think Jen would say, you know, baby, just go for it. You really shouldn't be doing that with charities. That's not the way you do charities. Yeah, that's true. That's what you say. But don't forget, this is also on the heels of like three, like Jennifer Aiden's been trying to come for Danielle in like three different ways. Like, ah, you wouldn't let the hairdresser into the VIP area, even though the hairdresser was bringing Laura who fucked up everything. Oh no. Um, then like you're

not, you're not standing, you're trying to take money away from your friend, whatever her bullshit thing was about the hair extension business that was like clearly Jennifer Aiden just searching for a way to be upset at Danielle about that. So like, even if Jennifer Aiden, even if Danielle said those things and Jennifer Aiden heard that and is reporting it correctly, we all know the context behind this whole thing is just to get Danielle. Yeah, that's true. And I need to stop being tricked by even if all that even if everything was true, and Danielle was shady, and she had all these charities and she was paying herself and she was profiting somehow off this,

even if that was all true, Jen bringing all this stuff on camera to try and make her look stupid because she wouldn't let a hairdresser into the VIP section. It's just not cool. And I think that goes to show you just how much these shows can really fuck your morals when you're just like, but wait a minute, maybe she's right, you know? It's like, it doesn't matter. That's not even

what matters. She's being a total asshole. You know, you can't, you can't do shit like that to people that are supposedly your friends. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says, Part Two! Mmm! Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney!

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with Lauren Fender. The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noel. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer, your favorite quadruple threat, actor, singer, dancer, and my new role, podcaster. My podcast, Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, is blowing up y'all, cuz every episode I bring on an icon. Like when John Stamos and I talked about internet trolls hating on Disney adults, or when Jordan Peele explained why we love scary movies,

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