Watch What Crappens - #2479 Below Deck Med (S09E05): Going on a Power Yacht Trip
Episode Date: July 3, 2024This week on Below Deck Mediterranean the relationship between Ellie and Bri takes a sharp turn after they both express romantic interest for Joe. Plus, Trishelle arrives on the boat.&n...bsp; To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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She was a romance mystery writer.
They gloomed on the fact that she writes stories like this.
There are murders in all of the books.
From Wondery, the makers of Ghost Story and Feta, this is a story about a murder that
rocked my little community.
Binge all episodes of Happily Never After
ad free right now on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that
we just love to talk about.
I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Karam.
Hi Ronnie, how's it going?
Good.
What's going on, baby?
Not much.
Just excited to talk some below deck med.
I'm trying to think if there's anything exciting to announce.
We have a Patreon. Come watch us on Crapins on Demand.
Support us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch for Crapins.
You get access to... If you support on the Crapins on Demand level,
you can watch our videos. Don't just have to listen to them.
Also, we do a weekly bonus episode this week.
We talked about Love Island USA.
So if you are into Love Island the way I am, then go listen because you know we sort of
gapped about that. Then check it out patreon.com slash watch for crap pins. And today we are
talking below deck med season nine episode 5, a supersized yacht episode with
Trishel, special guest Trishel Cannatella.
Yeah, Trishel and a lady who just looks like she lays down all fucking day.
I mean, that's all this lady does is lay down.
And I was like, is this my favorite primary ever?
Because I love a lay down.
I love a lay down sesh.
I believe everybody
should be taking naps. I literally went to the Botox lady and said, got a question for
you. Why do I now have vertical wrinkles? Because before I started getting Botox, I
only had horizontal wrinkles like a normal person. Am I stressing my face out so much that I'm
getting vertical wrinkles?" And she couldn't figure it out. She said, it's not Botox.
Anyway, it's been a mystery. It's been like a two-year-long mystery.
Well, I realized one day it's because I'm laying down on my face. I'm literally wrinkling my face
because it's older now. And so, even though it doesn't move, it will still is still heavy enough to sag when I lay down.
So now I lay down and see how my face is wrinkling vertically. So anyway, I'm jealous because this
lady gets to lay down and that's how she shows it. Her hair fans up in the back because she's
laying flat on her hair and my face gets vertical wrinkles. So that's just a long story to say I'm
really jealous of this lady for her fan hair, her fan lay down hair.
Oh, so you're talking about the woman who's, she's actually not the primary, believe it or not. That's just a long story to say I'm really jealous of this lady for her fan hair her family down here
Oh, so you're talking about the woman who's she's actually not the primary believe it or not
She's actually just a friend of the primary the woman who is has a modeling agency and has the big the big flat hair
In the back that just goes up, right? Yes, the one who marries her husband wherever they whenever they do something special
Yes, who the fuck are I should hate this person right?? Like she's everything that I hate, but she has an app head. So I like her.
I like her. Um,
I'm not even mad that her husband seems to have drawn on his beard with,
um, magnet shavings. So, you know, love is love.
The man who marries nap head is going to be odd as well. You know,
two odds that duck together.
Two odd ducks.
And we have Trishelle.
We also, the primary was actually Brittany,
who we first met years ago
on America's Next Top Model, actually.
She was on-
Oh, gross, was she?
Yes.
What?
What?
She's gross.
The primary is gross.
I don't like her at all.
I didn't like her. Well, she's on- Maybe it's because she's friends with't like her at all. I didn't like her.
Well, maybe she's friends with Trishelle, but I just didn't like her.
She was on ANTM. It took me a moment and I was like, Brittany Browers, why does the name sound so familiar?
And I looked her up and I was like, oh, her. Yeah, she was on. She had like big pouty lips.
And like she was known for being like a little too sexy, a little too sex kidney instead of like
editorial. But
I'm sure America's next top model. Very editorial guys.
Yeah. So a lot of a lot of luminaries on this boat this
this episode. Yeah, 100%. So it opens up where we last left off.
Everyone was at the club and Ellie and Bree had previously
been, Ellie was like, are you into, are you into Joe?
Are you into Joe?
And Bree is like, no, I'm not into Joe.
Are you into Joe?
No, I'm not into Joe.
I'm not into Joe.
I'm not into Joe.
So they both declared that they're not into Joe and they went to the club and then they
both proceeded to hit on Joe.
I've seen Joe's face before. This is a face I've seen just so many times in my life.
This is a guy who will do all your coke
and literally steal money out of your wallet on his way out.
That's Joe, okay?
Don't trust Joe.
Why are you guys fighting over Joe?
Joe's a chicken bone with eyebrows.
Big eyebrows, big furry eyebrows.
So they're all they're all partying and everything.
And the big thing that where we left off last week was that essentially, Brie was like,
I'll suck your dick.
I'll suck your dick if you want.
He's like, Oh, well, that really moved the needle for me.
Yeah, you know, I'm having like a big where's the
romance moment because that was big that week when he's like, so who do you like on the boat?
All right, tell me this. The guy with the monk head over there. What's his face?
So the other the other Irish guy, that guy, fryer, fryer, fuck over there. All right,
we'll just suck his dick. Michael, what is that? Are you flirting with me? Who the fuck says that?
would just suck his dick. I'm like, what is it?
Are you flirting with me?
Who the fuck says that?
Yeah, I'd take yours.
I was like, oh, wow.
Yeah, not even, but why don't you say something like,
if there was a dance, who would you want to ask you?
Who would you want to ask you to the dance?
How about that?
How about not like, whose dick would you suck?
What the fuck?
Where's all the romance gone, dude?
It's gone.
It's gone.
Yachting has lost its romance.
So the pandemic took so much from us.
It really did.
We lost dancing.
We heard that song, I love that song.
I have not heard that song actually.
Sorry, I was taking a sip.
You haven't?
Fred.
You lost dancing?
It's Fred.
Yeah, hold on, I have to, it's Fred.
Fred?
Fred said, what?
Right, said Fred?
You guys' name?
No.
We've.
We lost dancing Fred.
I'm gonna say Fred again.
Fred.
Fred again.
Fred again.
I love Fred again, yes.
You don't know who Fred again is?
I don't, listen, I know I say I love Fred again,
but then I couldn't remember his name, but I'm old.
Did you guys just hear me ask where romance went?
Like that's who you're listening to.
Fredigan, yeah, he's fantastic.
He takes spoken word and turns it into EDM.
Now, I don't think you call it EDM anymore.
What do you call it now?
Dance music?
No, electronic, electronic industry?
You call it, I think it's still EDM. I
think I think it qualifies as EDM. You know what? I really
love the expert. Listen to it. Right. Love you, Fred. I know
Fred again. I'm listening to this thing like I cannot believe
Ronnie Karam did not know my last name. But Fred again,
maybe it's pronounced again. No, I wouldn't listen to somebody with game in their name. Because it's right again, maybe it's pronounced again
No, I wouldn't listen to somebody with game in their name. It's right again biggest fear after being on Weight Watchers for so many years
Is Fred again as he related to?
To my my version Ben again
Ben against
He's that waiter at Ben againgan's that you're like, Fred again? Fred again at Bennegan?
Come on.
I'm contractually obligated to never be able to listen
to Fred again's music because I have sworn fealty
to Bennegan's, sorry.
I am Ben.
I am Ben and I can only listen to music from Bennegan's.
Which I think has gone bankrupt at this point, but that's fine. I'm Ben and I can only listen to music from Benningans.
Which I think has gone bankrupt at this point, but that's fine.
All right, well, as long as there's still Marie Callender's.
I'm not sure there is.
Don't tell me that.
We've lost dancing.
We have lost Marie Callender.
Okay.
Okay, so anyway, dancing.
By the way, Benningans appears to still be like,
alive and thriving.
Well, that's good.
They have a web page, I should say.
I wish Benegans was here so I could say,
Benegans, whose dick would you suck right now?
Benegans, I take yours.
Okay, so we're at the club, right?
Where are you in the notes? I know we haven't even started
this, but I'm sorry. This wasn't in the notes. It was just from my memory. This is previously
we're at the club now and now everyone's like, okay, now everyone wants to go home.
Brie has set an intention and now everyone's going to go home and they're all getting onto
the buses. They're all having fun. It's the usual like band silliness and a lot of jumping. And then so in one band,
Joe is humping a seat and then another play, then Aisha saying like, Oh, hey, did you get your pussy
a little wet by one of the guys? It's just just such an Asia way to start a conversation too.
Cause she gets in, cause you know when people are drunk,
how they talk about, I don't know.
What do you, I talk shit when I'm drunk, you know?
Like you see so and so being mean to me.
It's just like being sober, just more slurry.
But Asia just is so nice.
She gets in the car and she goes,
you know what, I was thinking tonight.
I really like everyone.
I really do. I just love everyone
Yeah, what could possibly go wrong? Everyone seems to be getting along just fine. Not like any
Terrible things are gonna happen that will totally change the culture on the boat in a moment. So
Ellie says yes, there was someone that she really liked
So Ellie says, yes, there was someone that she really liked.
But I don't think she actually says it here. I don't know, but she's clearly like hot for Joe at this moment.
Well, I think they know
because her and Joe were all over each other.
And then they're all, both those girls are all over Joe
and Joe's over both those girls, right?
And Joe's humping the seat, like you said,
and he's going, she wants the D, she wants the D.
My grandfather loved the D, loved to say that.
I shouldn't say loved the D, that's weird.
So then they go back to the boat and Asia's like,
bikinis, we can talk about how much we enjoy hogs.
Yeah, so they are gonna go in the jacuzzi,
but Ellie's not gonna go in the jacuzzi
because my pussy is not shaved, and and pre is like, neither is mine, but you know,
I'm ready to take that D if you know what I mean. So, uh, Ellie's like, no,
Ellie doesn't want to do anything. She's going to regret. So she's going to like,
you know,
she's going to go into her room and she's going to read a book and I'm sure she,
um, nothing will happen behind her back that will cause her to become furious
for the rest of the episode.
I mean, I'm just glad that I don't like stop myself from doing things just
because of my, you know, Fupa, uh, grooming state, Fupa state of grooming.
I'd never leave the house.
Well, I don't, I guess I don't really leave the house.
Okay.
Anyway, the point is Brie is going to go get some, right?
But to her credit, Brie doesn't think she cares.
I think Brie thinks this is gonna be like below deck sailing.
Yeah, where it's like everyone talks to everyone.
Yeah, and Ellie is like a threesome and that's that,
you know, fight about it later, maybe not, who knows?
So Ellie's like, you know what, Joe,
he needs to take me out for dinner.
Treat me like a lady. And so, you know what Joe, he needs to take me out for dinner. Treat me like a lady.
And so, you know, I mean, by the way, she says it right here.
Yeah, exactly. And then she tells us this is a damn Lamborghini. You don't get to drive a
Lamborghini for nothing. Okay. Joe had to put in the work for the Lamborghini. I'm like, man,
this is the second week in a row you've referred to yourself as a Lamborghini. I'm starting to think that you might just be a Toyota Celica.
I hate to say this, but like...
Hello, I am a parking attendant here in Greece.
I'm going to have to give you a ticket because your Lamborghini is holding a mop.
Yeah, that's the thing.
That's the problem. Also, Lamborghinis don't work on other larger vessels
that understand glass.
Lamborghinis don't wash Lexus TXs,
you know what I mean?
Lamborghinis are not scrubbing toilets.
Yeah.
I hate to say it, it's just the way it is.
It's just the way it is.
I mean, listen, there's fancy toilets scrub,
just call yourself a Toto, you know what I mean, listen, there's fancy toilet scrub. Just call yourself a Toto.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, listen, I love the confidence.
We should all think of ourselves as Lamborghinis.
But we also have to be realistic.
I'm fine with being like a Celica.
It's more reliable.
Shares the same name as a great actress from the 80s.
It shares the same name as the Battlestar Galactica great, Connie Celica.
Was she Battlestar Galactica or one of those
live-fi shows?
Did she marry John Tesh?
Oh God, I hate her now.
John Tesh.
Let me look.
Anybody who enables John Tesh.
I just can't, I guess he's talented.
I forgot.
Okay.
You know what, can I say something?
Can I say something?
Can I say something?
Yeah.
One time I went to a party in Hollywood and
damn it every five years we get this John Tesh story and you know what?
You know, I'm actually here for it. Yes, of course. Go ahead. Tell your story.
It was always for OK magazine. It's for OK magazine.
I heard. Listen, I've heard so many stories about Janelle from Weight Watchers.
Well, you will you will point out that I'm telling another Janelle story.
So what? It's no big deal. I'm not hating on you.
Okay. Well, I'm welcoming back the John Tash story.
Okay. All right. It is, it's, it's, it as July 4th is around the corner,
we are going to celebrate America with a story. Yes.
So I got invited to a party for OK Magazine back when I used to get invited to
the cool parties. And, um, I remember John to a party for okay magazine back when I used to get invited to the cool parties.
And, um, I remember John Tash party, John Tash was the house band.
Lindsay was there from summer house. I remember summer house had just come out.
And so it was like Lindsay Hubbard's like first,
like she was clearly loving going to a party like, like a Hollywood party.
So Lindsay Hubbard was there. Lala was there. Faith was there.
And John Tash was John Tash was all, and John Tesh was... John Tesh was...
I don't remember all that.
Yeah, it was a whole thing. And John Tesh was leading the band and he started to play the NBA
theme song. And I just thought that was the funniest thing at a party. And he just, he's like,
you all might remember this one.
this one. And you're just like, I'm like, I'm listening to the NBA theme song being performed by John Tesh while while
standing in the presence of Lindsay Hubbard. So what was
on Tesh's deal? He was entertainment tonight, right?
Right. But he was also he's like a music person, right? And he
now now now now now now now now now now now that that did an person right and he um
What is that?
That's Entertainment Tonight. He kind of has like a
his songs sort of sound the same because
versus
Yeah it's the same song right because it brought that other song back to me
which I didn't even know I I remembered that other song, the entertainment
tonight seemed what a sick fucking song. You know what, Fred again, there you go.
That's free ticket.
Someone tell Fred again, there's a new song that needs to be sampled.
Tash again, Tash again. Um, Connie, so I just want to say one last thing about
Connie Selica. She is
Selica Connie again. Okay.
Is there any other person in the world who's, who's ever said that, Hey,
let me say one last thing about Connie Selica.
She has two children by, by, uh, John, I don't know if they're by John Tash,
but I, but she has two children prima Tash.
Oh, so she, her first husband was named Jill Gerard and then her
second husband was John Tash.
So the child that she has with John Tash is named prima.
So prima Tash, I, you know what she really, I wish she had
named a child sucker.
That second suck attach You know what she really I wish she had named a child sucka. Was that second?
suck attach.
They could have been like, when she and then when sucka is having a bad day, it's
like, oh, suffering suck attach.
Wow.
Okay,
another child named Gibb.
Oh.
That's it.
None of those kids are winning.
But I feel like Prima walks around like, I'm a Lamborghini.
I would love it.
You know, that's going to be an episode where like Prima is going to be like a stew.
And she'd be like, I actually grew up quite wealthy.
My mother is Connie Selica and my father is John Tash.
So I know a little bit about the high life
and everyone's gonna be like, who are they?
Okay, so we go back to the boat.
Everybody's getting in their bikinis and stuff,
but Ellie doesn't want to because of her scoopa,
whatever you would call a skinny version of a foopa, I'm guessing it would be a scoopa. So
then, um, now Gail is arguing, well, she's kind of talking to
her boyfriend on texts, and she's doing that thing that guys
usually do on the show where they're texting and they're like,
sorry, I'm not calling you back, babe, I really care. And then
they have a moment of the camera where they're like, I really care
about this relationship.
I hope I can stay in it and not cheat
because really all I do is care for my girlfriend.
And then you know that they're just doing that
so that people will feel sorry for them
while they actively cheat on camera.
But now it's Gail doing it.
So I'm glad that she's doing it.
Because I really like her and her boyfriend sucks.
Yeah, you talked me into it last week and you're correct.
I think you're correct in that assessment.
He's like, he, cause he doesn't say something here
where he's like, I don't understand, you know, like,
like, like going to another boat leads to 90% of couples,
like yacht couples to break up and you still did it anyway.
I was like, shut the, you know what, you know what,
you know what also leads to a hundred percent of breakups?
Being annoying and that's exactly what you are. And being needy, you know, and he's like, you know what also leads to 100% of breakups? Being annoying, and that's exactly what you are.
And being needy, you know?
And he's like, I'm just so sad, kids, you're gone.
Well then don't date somebody who travels for a living,
you fucking weirdo.
It's like dating a vacuum cleaner salesman
and then being mad that they come home, you know,
complaining about, you know, making things suck all day.
You know, weirdo.
That's exactly what I was gonna say.
Something weirdo. Oh wait, here I was gonna say. Something weirdo.
Oh wait, here's one more thing about Connie Salika.
I think we should talk.
She loves vacuums, actually.
Okay, so yeah, Gail is totally gonna cheat
and I'm rooting for it.
I think you should cheat.
Your boyfriend's a dummy.
So they're like, where's Gail? So then Ian, okay, here's the setup in the hot tub. You've got Asia,
who just wants to talk about who she wants to hug. And then you've got the couple who's like,
we're just waiting to bang. It's eyebrows and Brie. And then you've got forehead over there.
Like, does anyone want to talk about little toes it's
funny some people have little two nails and some people have long toenails look
at my toenail it's so in the middle of being short or long look at it oh and
he's putting his feet in everybody's face dude we're trying to have an orgy
here you fucking weirdo your toe out of my face.
Go face time Gale's boyfriend with that shit. Seriously.
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And while he's like, you know,
talking about his toes and everything,
it just gets to Brie and Joe just staring at each other.
They're just literally, it's not even eye fucking.
It's like those eyes have fucked.
They've woken up in the morning,
they've gone out and had some food,
had awkward conversation, and then they went their own way,
and then they've already had another like,
tech session a week later and have fucked again.
Like it is that intense with those eyes right there.
Yeah, and Nathan's in there too, and he's like,
God, I really wanted to be with Gail tonight,
but instead here I am listening to toe talk.
God damn it.
I've got about five more minutes of hair left
to be flirting with hot girls.
And then Joe's like,
get your toe out of my butthole, oh my God.
I don't know.
After this butthole.
Was that, is that Yen who put his toe into Joe's butthole?
Was that HL?
I assumed that he was talking to Oh, I don't know.
I don't even know.
Wait, wasn't it?
Wasn't it Joe who had the toe in his butthole?
Yeah, I thought Joe was saying breeded.
But maybe I don't know.
Maybe breed did it.
I don't know.
There was someone's toe was in someone's butthole.
And someone's dead grandfather would not have approved. He's like grandpa love toes and buttholes. So they're like, yeah, they're
gonna fuck. So Asia's like, Oh, I'm gonna go repeat. So they leave Joe and Bri there. So Joe and Bri
start making out. And meanwhile,, like Nathan and Ian and Gail
are in the crew mess,
and they're like talking about their butts,
because Nathan has no butt,
or Ian has no butt, none of them have butts.
Ian has a butt.
Ian has a butt, though.
I thought so, I thought he had a nice little bononk.
Well, one of them had no butt,
I think it was Nathan had no butt,
but either way, Gail-
He doesn't need a butt. He has a face.
We don't all get everything.
Just be glad with what you've got.
Got one leading feature, right?
And so, yeah, it's like if you have a basketball team,
you'll have like a LeBron and that's probably good enough.
We all have our thing.
You don't get
everything you know what I mean no if you're doing an infotainment show you
haven't John Tesh and you're so if you have if you have a very hard I ain't
stuck with a Jill you know what I mean anyway so they're doing but stuff as in
talking about butts and then then they're still making out upstairs
and then Nathan and Gail run upstairs
to like spy on Bree and Joe making out and everything.
And they're like giggling and stuff like that.
And they're like, oh my God, they're making out.
I think Gail starts this horseshit with us of like,
I know I should be putting my relationship first,
but I just wanted to have my back.
I was like, you want him to have your back
while you're not calling him. I mean, listen, not to stand up for this guy because he is a whiny baby,
but you're now whining because the guy's upset
that instead of calling him back,
you're cheating on him on camera.
Come on now, you want that?
You're gonna cheat on him with this guy.
You don't get to cry, you know?
Like, why is he gonna have your back?
I think he knows, I think he knows.
I think someone's telling him.
But he also sucks.
So she's just like, probably so excited
to finally cheat on him. She's been waiting to cheat I think he knows. I think someone's telling him. But he also sucks.
So she's just like, probably so excited
to finally cheat on him.
She's been waiting to cheat.
Like, it's like rare that I support someone cheating.
Don't cry about it, just leave him.
You know what I'm, don't be like,
he doesn't have my back.
Be like, this guy's a fucking wuss and he's controlling
and I'm too hot for him.
I'm getting rid of him.
Yeah, and so she's like crying and she's like,
sorry, I thought I'd be okay.
I thought I'd be okay talking about having to break up with,
what's his name again?
Do we know his name?
My boyfriend?
Totally forgot it.
So then Bree and Nathan are done making out,
or Joe are done making out.
And Joe goes and giggles with Nathan in the bedroom. He's like, this is only a a kiss bro. Just only a kiss, but I did get a toe in my butthole
So now it's the morning everyone's waking up and
Ellie is like ten minutes ten minutes until places and Bree is like I know I might be in trouble
She goes for what A hookup with Joe. And she goes, hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Gamers.
Have you ever seen a Lamborghini go driving off a road?
That's pretty much what her face looked like at that moment.
A Lamborghini?
A Lamborghini crashing.
Basically imagine a Lamborghini.
Now imagine Shannon Bedor driving it while drunk.
Oh God, that Lamborghini's out of there.
She's so pissed.
Crashing against the wall.
So Ellie's like, did you have sex?
And she's like, shh.
And she's like, well, I'm not saying anything.
Why are you saying shush to me?
I'm sticking to our first.
This is not how it happened.
Brie says she knows how to be a third stew. Duffel! Duffel!
When she gets mad and uses her little muppet voice, she's getting so mad and so funny. She's like,
well, I do feel a little bit sneaked by Brie. Honestly, I sat in the van, you didn't give a
fuck about my feelings. And at this point, this feelings and at this point this is irritating to me.
This is irritating to me.
If you don't take care of your Lamborghini, it breaks down on side of road.
She basically refused oil change to breathe.
She says she knows how to take care of Lamborghini.
DUMBFUL! So meanwhile, Asha's gossiping with Gay.
I was like, so did they hook up?
And Gay's like, yes they did.
And she's like, oh, like penis and vagina hook up or kissing?
She's like, no kissing.
And Asha goes, she tells us, what do you think reach Bree first?
Her eyebrows or her lips?
And then is this where Asha's just like cracking up silently for like five minutes.
She's like,
like not even any noise is coming out.
She's like hunched over.
So, Aisha is like, yeah, Ellie said I was going to play hard again.
I said, don't play hard again.
That's not the right move.
And Gale's like, no, no, we're on a boat.
You don't play hard to get on a boat.
The only thing that's hard to get on this boat is service.
Okay.
Or warm eggs. Or properly seasoned rice. So, Brie goes up to Aisha and she's like,
see, mommy. Oh, good morning. How are you doing? And, you know, they're all saying hi,
good morning and everything. And Joe is saying, you know, like that there's no tension. He's like,
there's nothing from me on my end.
Would I kiss Bri again?
Probably.
Would I kiss Ellie?
100%.
Me doors open for Bri.
Me doors open for Ellie.
Me doors even open for Captain Sandy, whoever wants it.
Well, let's not get out of this.
I'll bring them all, I'll bring them all,
I'll bring them all.
Hey, hold on one second.
Let me just call Norma. Hey Norma, how's it going?
Oh, much better than over there because guess what?
Um, I can keep a staff cause I'm not a fucking terrorist in a Thor wig.
Okay.
Well, Norma, uh, apparently Joe has a house and, uh, Asia and Ellie and I are
going to walk in it because the door is open for us.
You're going to walk in also.
Oh no, you can't.
Cause, uh, last time I checked the door, I washa and Ellie and I are going to walk in it because the
door is open for us.
You're going to walk in also?
Oh no, you can't because last time I checked the door wasn't open for you.
So think about that a little bit, huh?
Listen lady, the only door open for you is the door to Fantastic Sam's.
Please walk through it and fix that mop on your head.
Okay?
You're embarrassing.
Oh yeah? Please walk through it and fix that mop on your head. Okay, you're embarrassing.
Oh yeah, well I'm just, I may go to fantastic Sam's, but it seems like you need to have a session at Super Muts.
If you get what I'm saying, it's a joke there, it's dogs.
You're really failing over there, Hein, okay?
Listen, the best thing you've ever done is run
that Somali pirate out of Iraq, which by the way, I fact checked that story. I don't think that
ever happened. Turns out Iraq doesn't even need boat staffs. So I don't even know what you were
doing over there on a boat, liar, liar pants on fire. Hold on. Sorry. I just got a text from the
Somali pirate who says, Hey Sandy, I know you play for the other team, but I do. Yeah on sorry I just got a text from the Somali pirate who says hey Sandy I know you play
for the other team but I do ya so I guess that's two straight guys who are into me right now.
How many are into you? Oh hey Sandy I hate to interrupt your your pathetic attempts at dissing
me but I just wanted to say one more thing about Connie Selica. Bloop! Oh yeah? Dot dot dot. Dot dot dot. Dot dot dot.
Now don't you mess with Connie Salika.
Dot dot dot.
I had a poster of her hanging on my wall in high school.
Dot dot dot.
YouTube link.
Click.
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Dot dot dot.
Good song. Good song. That's our song, isn't it girl? Love you, bitch. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da mean. Oh, those people were mean to me. Not mean to me.
Yeah.
I feel like he was just walking around the kitchen saying every gay thing he can think of to say to himself.
I know. Yeah, he's talking to his I think his boyfriend, the
opera singer and he's like, Hello, how's it going? It's your
boyfriend, the architect turned chef. Okay, well, guess what?
Second try to guess didn't really like the food. I mean, like I thought if you put half a bottle of cardamom into something,
people would enjoy it. But no, I was shocked. I was like, wait, what?
And then when I get feedback like that, it makes me think, okay,
am I going to get like fired or something? Or like, I don't know,
like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It just makes me like really doubt myself.
You know, not doubting myself.
blah, blah, blah. It just makes me like really doubt myself, you know? Not doubting myself. Hashtag.
Not doubting myself. So then he's like, you know, it's a skill to get negative feedback
and not have it weigh you down. Sometimes you take it with a grain of salt and sometimes
you take it with a boulder. It's a skill to let people criticize you. Warm your eggs up,
dude. Like I don't need a full psychology session with you of like how big of a person you are
for not calling someone a fucking bitch when they, you know, questioned you once, okay?
Warm up your eggs.
This isn't a personal thing.
You served cold eggs.
Did it been there for an- You served cold dish towel eggs, sir.
I'm not going to say Aaron Fields that you do not get a gold metal
for not freaking out. And you also messed up your grain of salt metaphor, which by the way, grain
of salt, something that you could have used with sometimes you take with sometimes you take with
a grain of salt, sometimes with the boulder. That's not how you don't, it doesn't work that way.
It doesn't work that way. So it's boulder. How does that? No, a boulder of salt.
How does that? No, a boulder of salt.
So Sandy gets a text from Nurma about a chef being available in two days because you know
I have a standard to uphold on board.
Okay.
I think Jonathan knows my expectation and he has to perform otherwise I have to replace
him.
I'm not going to say who replaces John, but his last name may rhyme with flesh.
Da da da da da da cooking in the kitchen, da da da da da, making good dinners,
gonna put some good seasoning on his food.
I'm sorry, I had a chef for you, but he's running late now because they just had a
one-person dance party over here remembering our song. God damn, I had a chef for you, but he's running late now because they just had a one person dance party over here
remembering our song.
God damn, that's a good song.
Remember when we used to do the chicken dance to that song?
Na na na na na na.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.
That actually works.
It does work.
I used to also do the electric slide to the NBA theme song, but back then I called it
the electric Celica.
It was great.
Wow.
You know, your electric Celica, that was prima.
You know, you can buy a Celica these days that is electric, I'm sure.
Poor Clarence. I always wondered if she made money off those cars.
She should have sued.
She should have.
Prima probably didn't let her.
She's like, man, please don't draw attention to your name.
My name is Prima.
My mom's named after a Toyota.
Okay?
Can't you be a Lamborghini?
I'll be your mother.
Not you, maid.
Get out of here.
When does wind come on? Can't you be a Lamborghini? I'll be your mother not you maid. Get out here
When does wind come on
Wow, Norval you're really cosplaying hard there
So Nathan the crews turning over the boat
Nathan's talking about how much he likes Gail. What else is new Sandy basic and boring. Of course, they like each other It's like two cartons of milk just standing next to each other in the store because you
both go together.
You know what I mean?
It's like you're categorized together.
She's drop dead gorgeous.
There's no way that Nathan gets to hook up with Gail on land.
Like this is something that only happens because they are stuck on a yacht together.
No, I think so. Because people who are just basic like that love each other. People who
just like can flirt about a strawberry for years and years, they'll do that for years.
That'll be their thing. Like they'll be in a Whole Foods, you know, and it'll be like,
you want a strawberry? You'll be like, oh yeah, still got it, baby. Making out against
the, you know the produce section wall. Okay.
It's time for a preference sheet meeting.
Everyone gather, Aisha, Jonathan and Ian.
Okay.
All right.
Our primary is Brittany Brower, a former fashion model.
Hold on.
Let me say that again.
Air quotes, fashion model.
She was on a ANTM.
I know.
I know.
Anyway, she's turned to stay at home, ma'am.
Okay. I think she was also a stay at home model. If you catch my drift. Okay.
That's why she became a mom. You know, it was crazy.
She stayed at home so much modeling that, uh, you know,
she got pregnant there. It was crazy. So don't stand still too long.
That's what I always say. You'll end up pregnant. Okay.
That's why I'm always moving. Can't get me. Okay. I'm going to speed walk.
God, I love love.
Okay, Brittany Brower.
So she's from Tampa, best friend, former roommate,
named Trishel, mentor friend, Marsha,
and her husband Dean, owners of a modeling agency.
These two look fun.
I think this woman just woke up from a nap.
Let's take a look at her hair close up.
Okay, let's look at the,
you may have seen Brittany, Trishel, and Marsha on TV. So don't fan out. And she's like,
Oh, I can't fit out if I don't know them. I don't know who
Marsha is that she is escapes my pop culture awareness, I have
to say.
Should we look her up? What you say her name was Marsha? What?
Marsha modeling agency owner.
I don't think we should.
Marsha below deck med modeling agency.
She probably was on some VH1 show.
Marsha doll models.
Okay, Marsha doll.
Marsha doll?
Like D-O-L-L?
Yeah.
Marsha.
Oh, is she on TLC?
Found her in New York.
I mean, are we?
Oh yeah, she's like a thing. Oh, she she on TLC? Found her in New York. I mean, are we, oh yeah, she's like a thing.
Oh, she's a thing.
Well, she's got a picture where she's doing that,
like I won, like her arms are in the air, like I won.
And actually her Instagram picture
looks like the modern version of Lisa Rinna,
who's gone kind of off the deep end.
Cause Lisa's like, I have daughters in fashion now.
I'm very fashionable.
I'm wearing crazy suits and doll face
and bleach blonde man hair.
And it's like, what are you up to, dude?
But yeah, this lady is looking like
she's cosplaying Lisa Rinna, I think.
Yeah, Lisa Rinna is in a really strange place at the moment.
She's like in a, she's like in a,
I don't even, she looks like Dr. Wiley
from Mega Man these days.
Yeah, you know, she's living her best life. She's having fun out there. That's for sure.
Listen, you can say a lot about Lisa Rinna, but one thing you cannot say is that she does not
enjoy her life because that girl is just out there doing whatever the fuck she wants. She literally
changes her personality every year. Go for it. You're like a TLC version of Madonna. Go for it.
So there's Bravo and TLC reality personality,
TV host, founder of NYC Bootcamp,
talent slash modeling agent, author.
You're everything happy coach.
MarshaDollModels.com.
Wow.
You're everything happy coach.
Yeah, I had never heard of her.
Fuck off.
I feel like I failed.
I liked you because you had nap hair,
but I can't like you
because you're a coach for everything happy. Get the fuck out of. I liked you because you had map hair, but I can't like you because you're a coach
for everything happy.
Get the fuck out of here.
He's saying you're happy.
Marry your husband everywhere you go.
Okay, so back to the preference sheet meeting.
Hold on, there's a note here that says
Trishel would like to speak with the manager.
Okay, that's good to know.
would like to speak with the manager, okay? That's good to know.
Um, so let's see.
John was like, oh God, the primary.
Here we get to the primary.
Well, you know what?
The primary's got some top line requests.
Five tins of beluga.
And John goes, oh no.
Long list of dislikes here.
She doesn't like duck, anything gamey, cold eggs, big fatty oysters, chicken wings that
aren't fully cooked, no melons.
Now listen, chicken wings that aren't fully cooked, that's totally fair.
And it's also funny that she would know to tell him his seared chicken ass that.
Chicken wings are by the way, yeah, I'm not sure there's anyone who likes an undercooked chicken wings
Because I don't think it's actually safe to eat that. This is the moment that I knew this girl is a total asshole who writes that
Please don't give me any undercooked chicken wings. Okay, she must have had a bad experience somewhere
I was like I have to ask every time it's like when Ina Garten is like
Always break your eggs into another bowl because you never know when you're going to get a bad egg because she clearly had some horrific egg once
that has like changed her. And I have a friend who was like, you know what, honestly, I had a
bad egg once and once you have that bad egg, you never like it stays with you. It's yeah.
Well, I think that also possibilities that I know just sucks at crashing eggs and gets
shell in them like the rest of us, like the rest of us mortals.
But yeah, don't go, don't go getting organic farm eggs.
You're going to get dead birds in there sometimes.
And it's going to be disgusting.
Bloody eggs.
Uh, well, um, so yeah, so it's not what a bad egg is.
It's like a little, I think a bad egg is, I assumed a bad egg is like, it's stinky
and like, oh yeah.
Cause you stopped.
You're like, that's not a thing, Ronnie, but I, maybe it's not.
I don't know.
Cause I only buy like really no best things.
Blood there may be, I don't know.
There may be, I don't know.
Maybe those, I know that there's, um, a Filipino thing called, I forget what's
called, but it's basically like an egg
that has like a bird in it that you actually eat.
Commercials, here comes one right now.
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Anyway, so Jonathan is like, he's like, okay, so it goes down this whole list and then he's
like, that's funny. So she pretty much eats everything, huh?
That's funny, think about that, see, it's funny.
That was really good, that was a really good one.
God, I wish Norma was here.
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
Talk about someone who pretty much eats everything.
Damn, that was trying to have a nice Norm episode.
Oh, sorry.
She, no, it's like new gay slang, she ate.
She sure ate, she sure did new gay slang. She ate. She sure ate.
She sure did.
Brrrr.
Get out of my memories.
Get out of my inside voice, Johnno.
Geez.
You know who else ate?
John Tash.
God, he really killed it with that song.
So Johnno's like, damn, okay, I was looking forward
to the next group being a little less picky,
but they're picky. Not picky. So then Aisha is talking about how Magic Hour, they're going
to renew their vows in a silly, fun, ancient Greek themed ceremony. And John was like,
hilarious. And then the guest requests a runway show by the crew for the guests to judge.
Oh God, guys, if you're going to force this shit on us every week, come up with new stuff. I know. Okay, everyone. Charter three. No chicken,
this charter. Okay. No chicken, this charter. No guests floating away from the boat either,
by the way. Okay. So here's what you have to remember. No chicken, no drowning. All right.
Okay. Go, go get them team. We're going to do're gonna do great. So now Gail is checking with
Aisha and Gail's like I'm so scared and Aisha's like do you want to come for a corner?
So she tries to climb on top of the bed which is apparently really hard
Yeah, that was good. Yeah, it was not a lot of room. Gail was like, this is hard to do. And then, you know, Asha's talking about how it's like hard,
like having a relationship when you're yachting,
there's not a lot of time and Scott's really great
because he's just like, I know you're busy,
just call me when you need to call me.
So, you know, she has a much better relationship than Gail.
It's essentially what this is all about.
Yeah, and she's like, you know, her boyfriend,
not understanding that she can't talk every five minutes what this is all about. Yeah. And she's like, you know, her boyfriend,
not understanding that she can't talk every five minutes
is mean, like it's shitty of him,
especially because he's a yachty, you know?
She's like, yeah, this guy's a selfish dick, you know?
So then Brie is checking in with Ellie,
and she's like, is everything okay between us?
And she's like, not 100%.
So Brie's like, well, not 100%. So Bree's like,
well I don't know where to begin honestly,
but do you mind if I sit here on the edge of your bed?
And Ellie's like, go for it.
And at this point you think Ellie's gonna be like,
yeah, it's just sort of soft, cause I kinda like Jo too.
She's like, so I mean, I don't know, I think
I made it abundantly clear that I was
interested in Jo, and you were like,
fuck that, I'm just gonna go do my own
thing. I've taken it upon myself this Lamborghini to train you are you go at
best and I say that with specific contexts and the way things were going
for you if you hadn't had my training Lambo training you would be in a very
different situation right now and then after all of that you give fucks about
me? Questionable.
You know, it's like breaking girl code over a random fucking guy.
Well, if you're so random, what are you so worked up over?
And also, you don't get to yell at somebody
when you trained them.
You're getting paid to train her, okay?
Stop acting like, like, you should win the Nobel Peace Prize
for like training somebody how to iron a dress.
You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly.
And she's like, if I had known, if I knew that it would hurt you, I would never have
done it in the first place.
I don't know.
That was a very snake move.
Move of snake, a snakey snake move.
It was never snakey.
She goes, it is, listen, I'm genuinely, genuinely hurt by what you did.
Genuinely. You know, at this point in the episode, I would say, you know, I'm genuinely, genuinely hurt by what you did, genuinely.
You know, at this point in the episode, I would say, you know, I think that Ellie is overreacting, but I can kind of get it.
I get it. She's like, you know what? This girl was hopeless.
I did go out of my way to really help her. And I was like, I like Joe.
Like she bet she did say in the thing, like I like Joe and then Brie like made out with him and that like it sucks.
And I feel like it would have been like I just had hurt and then that would be the end of it but then as the episode goes on it's like oh wow
we're just like a whole other side to Ellie now. Yeah I just don't like when people call the guy.
I don't think it's fair. I have a friend who does it. He always does it. Every bar we go into he's
like that one's mine and it's like he never does anything to go get the guy know what I mean? But then if the guy flirts with any one of us,
then this guy acts all bent out of shape and you know who it is,
but I will not say his name, but he does it every time.
And it's so fucking frustrating. I just don't like when people do that.
You don't, you don't get to do that. Stop calling, um,
calling dibs. I agree. Like you don't get to call dibs. But that being said, if you are a dib caller,
I do understand why she is.
Like I don't necessarily agree with her,
but I understand why she's like in her feelings about it.
Ultimately she'd lost out.
I do, but you know what, here's the thing.
Yell at the chicken, the chicken bone with the eyebrows.
Why are you mad at her?
This guy's flirting with you
and then immediately going to make out with somebody else. He's the one being an asshole. I mean, exactly. Yeah. Exactly.
So Bri is like, the last thing I want to be called is a snake. Although I really did enjoy
one last night. If you know what I'm saying, Hey, yo, no, I don't think it's fair at all.
I know I never do anything with Malish, Malish, Malipicent? What is it? What is the word? Malips?
Me-me-me-lis?
Me-loose?
Malapropism?
Oh, she's like, I think I fucked up.
Me and Ellie's friendship.
She goes to Joe immediately,
which I love that Bree's like, I'm so hurt.
I'm gonna go cry about it,
but instead she runs to Joe.
Like, yes.
Oh no, Joe, take care of me I've
deserved my friendship with Ellie I was like wow this girl does not give any fuck
she's acting like she cares but she does not she runs right to the guy which I
like this move and then I also like when Ellie says I'm not going to take
advantage of my position and make you feel uncomfortable in any terms of way
in terms of work but for me this is change the relationship entirely I'm
like okay sure let's I'm really looking forward to you, Ellie, not making this
not changing the dynamic at the workplace whatsoever. Right. Sure. That'll really work out.
So then Joe loves this, right? Because he's like, I'm just a magnet to chaos. I mean, forgive a man for having fun. So yeah, right. Like, Oh my God, drama always finds me. It's that classic line. That's
like Ben from below deck.
Oh, it's the cripplingly insecure guy who just needs to flirt with everybody. So he'll
get some kind of love from somebody because his grandpappy didn't give it to him enough.
And I was like, we've all been there, buddy.
So Bria's gonna sleep in the crew mess tonight.
It literally is like Love Island.
This is what happens when the couples get into a fight.
Someone usually sleeps outside.
But like, why are you doing that?
You can just sleep in, you're not sharing a bed.
Just sleep above it and you guys just don't talk.
That's fine.
But she's just-
You know, I was thinking about Love Island watching this
because I watched it with you
and we talked about it the other day on the bonus episode
and it was making me think,
do you think that the cast just watch those shows
and that's why they act like this now?
Where it's like, it's a game.
Like they come on the boat now
and then it's a race to see who can get the guy
or who can get the girl and then they fight over them
and then it's like some contest where they're like,
I'm so sad I've lost that. Now who can I go for? It's just like there's not really
that many emotions attached to it. It's like a game. They're all competing with each other.
And do you think it's Love Island's effect on pop culture?
It might be. I mean, Love Island, the creators say they want to do a show that actually kind
of reflects
dating in a certain sort of way.
So it's hard to say.
Are people...
Dating is like that now, yeah, I guess.
Dating is like it.
So how much is being impacted by these shows versus how much of these shows reflecting.
And it's just all going in a loop.
It's like the snake eating its own tail.
I forget what it's called, but it's a Greek term.
It's like infinity kind of bit sneaky.
Guys, is art TV or is TV art or is life art or is TV life?
It's so deep.
The show is very deep.
This is really deep guys.
What's happening to the world?
Okay, so she's like,
for me I'm going to sleep in the cool mess tonight.
And Nathan's like, I love it.
Tartar three starting with a bit of interior drama. Good night. Don't anybody talk to strawberries
about me. I'm a one strawberry kind of a man.
So they're like, well, of course we can't let her sleep there in the crew mess. So they
go make like a little bed on the floor for her. And, you know, so she's going to go
and move in. And Joe says, I mean, I wasn't expecting you to move in after our kiss. I mean, this is the,
this is the first for me. Oh, she's like, Oh, there'll be more cases to come.
So she sleeps on their floor, which I think is weird. I'm sorry. That's,
that's a strange move.
Especially like now I'm like, yeah, you're weird.
And if you really are sincere about like,
oh, I wouldn't want to hurt you, Ellie,
then you know then that this would probably
make her feel worse too.
So you're also being insincere about like,
about what you're saying to Ellie.
Yeah.
So then Sandy calls Ian to the bridge
and she's like, okay, now listen,
for this charter.
I'm going to need you to step it up.
Now I heard you did a toll monologue last night.
Listen, love that.
Love toes, love monologues.
You're doing great.
So just more of that.
Okay.
And you've got to snap your deck team into shape.
I want everybody to be happy, but stop making rookie mistakes.
Maybe do that toll monologue to an anchor.
See how that works out.
Just do something with the toe.
I want more toe monologue and less eating
while people are setting up picnics, got it?
And then we see Ellie talking to Jono
saying morning and stuff.
And she says like, I did not hear Bree in the cabin.
I mean, honestly, I don't have any compassion for you.
So you can sleep wherever the hell you want.
You can't share the garage with the Lamborghini
if you know what I'm saying, okay? You can sleep in the both
restrooms if you want." So Aish is like, this morning the plan is to make beds and smash
cabins all together girls. We're going to do quick ceremonies. It's going to be so wonderful. We did
well. Let's maintain the standard. Everybody's doing great.
And the girl's like, I hate you, I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
So Ian gives some, you know,
he orders around his crew and everything
and he talks about like, you know,
like doing like how like he motivates his team
by giving a lot of energy,
does an energy booster for them,
like a motivational speaker, you know.
Yeah.
Which everyone loves.
Your team hates you and wishes you were dead.
So you're not doing great,
but love to see you think you are.
So then Aisha goes to Sandy and she's like,
oh Sandy, I just wanted to go and show you my thumb.
It's got a cut on it.
It's the same one I stuck on my bum to show people where poop comes out of.
And apparently it gave it an infection and I'm not really sure, I don't want the food infecting my thumb.
Well actually I think it's the other way around, I think your thumb would infect the food.
It's interesting, I've never really thought about it like that. My bum holds it. Hold on a second.
You know, it just got to the hospital. Jesus, you're grossing me out.
You know, this is, this is, uh, I'm thinking about the barf soon.
You know what this is like? This is just like, this is a disgusting morning. This is the exact opposite of entertainment tonight. It's disgust morning.
This establishment is getting a C.
How do you sing the Entertainment Tonight theme song backwards?
Because this is...
Celica!
Oh!
It says Celica if you play it backwards There may be in film yet and we're waiting to film yet
Turning to missy Elliott
Can you work it
Girls can I speak with you? I'm so sorry
I've got a poop infection
I'm so sorry. I've got a poop infection
In my thumb and Sandy thinks I got it from the chicken that was trying to crawl up inside of me So I've got to go to the hospital. Can you believe it girls?
Now if I'm not back in time
Welcome drinks and towels and Ellie, please you can have to cover the tour and also Sandy wanted me to tell you all this
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Norma, put your bra back on! The ocean police are passing by!
It's no use, Asha. When that song plays, Norma just lets loose.
You know what? When we played John Tesh back in the day when we were roommates, I stopped
calling him John Tesh and started calling him John Tush back in the day when we were roommates, I stopped calling her. I stopped calling him John Tush
and started calling him John Tush
because that's what Norma pulled out.
Jeez.
Let me tell you something.
You play three bars of that theme song
and she's suddenly taken back to Oberlin College, 1987. Okay, so she goes to the hospital and so now Ellie and Brie are left. Oh, god. All right. Oh, dear. Literally so stupid. Okay.
So, Ellie and Brito left together, which is going to get really, really ugly.
So they're doing provisions and Ian's like together, which is going to get really,
really ugly. So they're doing provisions and Ian's like, do you know where stuff is going?
Do you know where my toes about to go? Get your toe out of my ass, please. So Bree's
like, I don't know where stuff goes. Just ask Ellie. And they're like, but where does
it go? And she's like, Ellie calls the shots and you call the shots. So she's like right there. And now he's like, how dare you try to assert my Lamborghini authority? How
about I do it from now on? Excuse me, could you please? Okay. Okay. Why are you calling
the shots? This is my job. I don't know where I am in the notes. All I know is it's my job.
Lamborghini job. You should not be going around and telling people what to do because this is my job to do it. I'm second stool your third stool. You are also
Say that again one more time
Okay, I'm not even reading notes I'm being lost. I am still lost. I'm not even reading notes. I'm being in a...
I just remember that Bree was like, put the sodas in the kitchen. How dare you use it
by authority like that?
It's like, why are you doing this to me? So she's just going to come for Bree no matter
what Bree does, you know? So, which also just makes her look crazy to the guys. You know, she's just not playing this very well, Ellie.
So Ellie's like, okay, um, so, okay, then I... Well, Brie's like, this girl thinks that
I'm trying to compete with her and that's just not the case. She's so focused on hierarchy.
And I get it, there's hierarchy, but talk nice to me.
Okay, I will finish this up, you stupid slag, and then it will be yours, okay?
And the chef has a crate of citrus, and some of it is rotting, so you should, I would like
you to throw out the rotten parts of it, oh no, first smoosh the rotten parts on your face,
and then we can decide who is more rotten, the fruit or your face. I want you to stare
at rotten lemon and tell yourself who is more rotten, me or this lemon?
This lemon and me have one thing in common.
We're all sorpers.
Sorprigos.
But that's not really a priority for me right now.
And Ellie looks at her like, oh, oh.
And she goes, what?
I was told by Asha I need to stick in laundry so I can get everything cleared.
So that's what I'm going to do right now instead of staring at the rotten fruit in kitchen.
Ellie, we can both give each other sass, but you don't need to when it's not necessary.
And I'm sorry, that is Bri saying that.
Bri, you said-
Why are you doing an impersonation of me, Bri?
Ellie, we can both give each other sass, but you don't need to when it's not necessary.
Ellie's like, you know, she's like, the fact that Brie is feeling empowered to speak to
me this way is kind of shocking.
Her job, which she doesn't understand, is to support me.
And I don't know what to say anymore, because it makes no freaking sense to me.
You see, that is not her job.
I've never heard a second stew like this.
Like, her job is to support me.
Where's the bottom of the pyramid?
I'm throwing myself up in the air out there.
Ha ha ha.
So Ellie's like, yeah, she's pissed.
So then she goes to Johnno to complain,
which girl, you don't even pay attention enough
to know that that'sie's gay BFF.
What are you telling him?
So she's like, oh, I just asked Brie to do something
and she said, it's not a priority for me right now.
And he goes, excuse me, okay.
Grrrr, ha ha, eh, eh, eh, bah, she, eh, bah.
She sure did eat it.
Like it's a compliment.
He's not on your side.
And Ellie's like, and the provisions arrived and she's like,
I told Joe to put it on the sundack because that's where it goes.
And I'm like, excuse me, girlfriend, non-noborghini.
I was like, girl, you're playing with fire.
And he's like, it's getting hot in here.
So take off all your clothes. Getting too hot.
I'm going to take my clothes off.
I love that Brie telling Joe to put provisions
on a sundeck is equivalent to her playing with fire.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
So then they're talking up, so then Ian's like,
do we have towels on the sundeck? And Nathan goes, no, we haven't done towels yet. And he goes, what about a faster pace? You're
like a Kit Kat, always on a break. Nathan's just like, I'm going to kill this fucking
guy. And he's like, that's it, Self-help guru. You just got guru'd.
So now, Brie, now it's time for Brie to complain to Jono.
And she's like, she's like, dude, I think I'm going crazy.
Like, I'm going to burst into tears.
He goes, oh yeah, your friend took care of the citrus, by the way.
It was like a whole thing.
Cause you know, Ellie was like, Ratin.
Okay, from here on out, we no longer say Ratin, we say Bri.
Bri, Bri, Bri, Bri.
So it's like there's so much unnecessary drama happening.
It doesn't need to be like this.
I don't know why it's like this.
And he's like, oh my God, the animosity is crazy.
And she's like, yeah, it's just like,
I'm going to be like, I hope you had a good day then, bitch, like I'm going to be like I hope you had a
good day that bitch because I'm going to be spicy like that and goes oh are you
going to be spicy are you going to be saucy either way I'm hiding cardamom in
it Gigi Fernandez won't like your attitude because it's be disgusting after
I put my spice in it so she's, let me tell you what to put in
there. Not Meg, but don't tell anybody. It's a secret. So Bree says, I'm going to be passive,
aggressively spicy. But what she doesn't realize is that Ellie and Sandy are both listening in from
different angles. And when Bree turns the corner there, Sandy and Sandy goes, Oh, he, so you're going to be what passive aggressive spicy.
What does that mean? Should I be angry? Yeah. I'm not really sure what that is, but I do
remember Norma wearing that costume one year for Halloween. You know, she, she couldn't just be a
spice girl. She had to be passive aggressively spice. Yeah, it didn't really work out so well for her, unfortunately.
No.
So, so Brie goes, Oh, yes.
Uh, uh, uh, passive aggressive spicy.
Yes.
Oh, it means I'm going to be angry, but I'm gonna keep it in and still do the right thing.
I was like, that's not what passive aggressive spice means.
And we all know it.
It's like, are you angry?
Why are you angry?
She goes, I'm just upset because there's unnecessary drama happening that doesn't need to be happening. And it's kind of affecting
me but it's something I will speak to you about and not you because I don't want to speak to you
about it. And she's like, It's okay. We all get tired. We all experience this. Everybody hugs
sometime. Come on over here. That's why my arms are open. Come on over
here passive aggressive alien spice. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll come over into your arms.
Okay. I just, I know, I know not everyone's going to like me and it's fine. It's fine.
It's fine. Everybody will like you. You know why? Cause you're so likable, whatever your
name is, you're going to be fine. And anytime you can come up to the bridge,
preferably not when I'm there,
do it when one of the other guys are there.
They're good huggers.
Just say,
Santhi told me to come up here for hugs.
They'll hug ya.
If I'm watching wind, don't bother me.
I'll really be, I'll fire you.
Gosh, forgot your name already.
Just go ahead and go.
Do you like black polyester or white polyester?
I'm going to stick with the black.
Forgot what we were talking about.
Love apples.
Do you think peanut butter belongs on apples or bread?
Think about that till next time we see each other.
Bye, I'm gonna take a nap now.
Ha ha ha.
You know what?
The fact that Bree is crying right now,
I just wanna make sure she's okay.
I don't have any details.
I don't need details.
I respect that she wants to go to Asia and it's not my business until it's made
My business where is Asia anyway, by the way, and then speak of which
Oh, there's the ambulance no, that's actually just Asia. Well, no, it's an ambulance Asia's just riding on top of it
Hi everybody, it's me Aisha Asha's just writing on top of it. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Hey everybody, it's me Asha.
Guess what I got?
Stitches!
I'm so excited!
I got stitches, I farted in the emergency room,
I pooped in a bucket and I bled on a doctor.
It was the best day of my life actually.
I said, can this day get any better?
And the nurse who was checking me out sneezed right in my face. I said can this start getting any better and the nurse
who was checking me out sneezed right in my face and I said it just did. It just happened.
Okay everyone who wants to go see the glass that was embedded in my thumb? Here it is.
Everyone's like ahhh. Here it is. Okay. Okay. We're putting it on display.
Here it is, okay, okay, we're putting it on display.
She's walking around with a little plastic baggie of her broken glass dead.
Sandy's like, you didn't feel that?
She's like, I did, I just tried to ignore it.
I have to keep this on for two days
and it can't get wet, capesh.
Sandy's like, okay.
All right.
I'll make sure not to spill a glass of water on it like I was planning.
This is giant thumb cast.
It's like she has like a big like thumbs up.
Oh, God, my anus is going to be so wide now every time I try to stick it in to taste peel the poop.
Okay. Could you check with that girl who cries a lot in a weird accent?
Because I just I caught her up there and she was saying something about being passive aggressive,
angry or something. I think she needs to talk to you. I would talk to her but honestly,
I got real bored. She's got real boring energy, you know.
Also, maybe check in on Ellie. I caught her throwing limes against the wall and saying, rotten rotten rotten rotten. Things felt really crazy while you were gone.
So Aisha comes to Bree and she's like, how's everything going Bree? She's,
I think I feel like I need to speak to you. Do you want to come speak in my cabin? Come on,
Timmy, what's wrong? And she's like, Well, the provisions came and the alcohol arrived and I told them to put it on Sunday
but then Ellie was like,
Stop calling the shots basically and then there's this like awkward vibe and it's not
a very nice vibe, it's like an awkward vibe.
Dora, do you feel like she's power tripping a little bit?
Yes, but I'm like sensitive and I like crying.
Okay, well she's there to help guide you and stuff, but she shouldn't be bossing you around in a way that makes you feel upset, poor Bree.
And Ace is like, this is so tense because it's a charter, you know. They say don't screw the crew, but what they should say in fine print is don't screw the
crew if you can't emotionally handle glass in your thumb and bleeding all over nurses
while you're trying to show the entire doctor staff where peep comes from.
So then Aisha volunteers to talk to Ellie, but Bree's like, no, no, no, I'll do it. I'll talk to
her. It'll be fine. So it's 30 minutes until white's, until the guests come, they have to change into white.
So Ellie and Brie are in their room changing
and Ellie's like, I found more towels,
you insolent little twat.
And Brie is like, oh great.
Do you think I can talk to you for a second?
She's like, okay.
So she tries it again.
She's like, I don't want today to go on like this.
Like it does affect me.
Yeah, it affects me as well.
Go, go, go, go, something in Lamborghini engine.
And she's like, what else is bugging you?
She was, you don't just tell someone
in the higher position what to do.
And she's like, but I didn't tell you what to do.
I just said, maybe you're having a bit of a power trip.
And Ellie's like, I do not a bit of a power trip and I was like,
I do not need to be on power trip, darling. I've led large teams. I think you are just playing the
victim. I'm sorry. I'm not the person that can be easily manipulated. No, I'm just upset because
I feel like you're being so fake. I love the way that Bri is trying to like make things better by
saying, oh, you're on a power trip and you're being fake. I know Brie's terrible at this.
It's like she's crying and she's like, I'm just going to make things better.
I need to go make it better by myself.
You're a fake bitch.
I hate you and I'm stealing the man.
I know you're power tripping.
I was like, I'm not going to be upset anymore and argue about your and your moons upside
down by the way.
Whatever that meant, the moon's upside down.
I didn't know what that meant either.
I wonder what she was talking about.
I think it was something about like the uniform.
So Sandy radios, so the guests are coming, right?
So then Asia's like, are you okay, Ellie?
And she's like, your energy seems off today.
She's like, Brace attitude.
I don't know where it's coming from.
She started to get a little disrespectful. I don't know. I mean, I don't know, I'm seconds two. She starts two brace attitude I don't know where it's coming from she started to get a little disrespectful I don't know I mean I don't
know I'm second stu she starts stu I don't know power tripping
just I don't know where this attitude came from it's like all of a sudden you
start yelling at the girl and suddenly she doesn't like you anymore it's just
so strange and she's like it's like hey so she's telling me things to do like
if I was to tell you here's where where provisions go, you'd be like, why are you so stunningly
beautiful Playboy bunny?
Where's your Hefner?
Where is he?
Is he hiding in the bush?
I would say, thank you, Aisha.
What were we talking about?
So Aisha's like, oh, this is, you know, it's really important for me to stay neutral with
the girls and I don't actually know what happens. So my place as leaders be professional and treat
them both the same. Like they're equally idiots.
Really I can't get in the middle. But what I can do is I can put $5 down on the one that
I believe is going to win in the street fight that this is going to result in. And I'm choosing
the Russian, I'm choosing the Eastern block girl.
So now the guests are arriving. We see all of them.
They're like Bulgaria. It's Bulgaria, right?
No, I think that Ellie is from Serbia.
Oh, thank you. I think Serbia.
Sorry. No disrespect intended Ellie.
Cause I like you a lot.
Oh, not Bulgaria.
She's from Balkans. She's from Balkans.
She's from Balkans crest. Oh my God.
Do you know Connie Selica?
Balkans crest. Featuring Connie Selica.
Was that what Connie Selica was on?
No, but that's just an old soap from, from that time. Falcon crest.
Let's see. Uh, Connie Selica, I think Connie Selica. Oh,
I didn't know how you spelled her name. It's S E L L E C C A Connie Selica.
She's so pretty. Connie Selica. She is. Her name is Concetta
Seletia. Wow. What a pretty name. She was born in the Bronx to Italian parents.
Okay. Blah, blah, blah. The great, great, great. Okay, let's see. Captain America 2, death too soon in the 70s.
She's dressed to kill. What's her TV shows? Pam Davidson in the comedy drama series,
the greatest American hero. Okay. Oh, she was in Hotel. That's what she was in.
By the way, she was in a TV show called PS I love you. Wasn't that an actual movie? PS I love you. Did they steal? It was PS.
I love you stolen from a Connie Selica TV show.
I don't know. I think that's a, that's an old song. PS I love you.
Oh, is it? Yeah. I know we'll have to consult Fred again.
Fred again. We've lost dancing. Connie Selka.
She was in Hero.
She was in Hero, which was a movie with Gina Davis
and Dustin Hoffman and Andy Garcia.
Wow, I loved that movie.
She was also in Beyond Westworld in 1980.
Wow, man, I'm really falling down to Connie Selka.
So, the Concetta Solleia rabbit hole over here, okay?
Oh, I think her dad is named Prima, which explains why she has a daughter named Prima.
It all makes sense now.
Well, let me tell you, you're just hiring expectations with that name on both the man
and the girl, okay? Let's just say, you know, let's call our next kid like Med, Mid. Hey, Mid. Everyone loves a Mid,
a good strong Mid, eh, Connie? Yeah, I think so. I think that's a fair statement to make, you know?
Okay, so Ellie is starting to spin out and Asha's like, well, I don't want to talk about it.
So then the guests come and it's time to go, you know, so then
someone's asking what happened to Aisha's thumb and she's like,
I wanted to get stitches. I'm sorry it's not that pretty but let me tell you how poop comes out is way worse.
So how do you all know each other?
I hear that you all are on TV, but none of us recognize you. Oh, did I say that out loud by accident?
And the primary Natasha's like,
so yeah, I started modeling at 11 years old
and she was my teacher.
And then I started teaching.
Wait, Natasha, I wonder, okay, I'm confused. Well, okay, it doesn't even matter. I was
going to be, I thought Brittany Bauer was the privacy. I can't even, I can't even keep
it straight. Doesn't, you know what? And I'll say it literally doesn't even matter.
I thought, I don't know. I don't know who's who either. I need some time. I'm going to
do some time. I need some time.
There's a lot of people on this boat right now. Okay. And none of them.
I don't like Trishall there That's my
Trishall he doesn't even do anything bad on this. I'm still mad about traders. So Sandy's like, so how do you feel about this charter?
Jonathan I'm the only person in the world who's gonna call you Jonathan. Will I go by your preferred name? John? Oh, no. Hey, it's in your name
No, okay
How's it going? No. And he's like,
well, I'm a little nervous. You know, you said the standards are super high and I'm
hoping I can bring it in this trip.
And which he probably won't. And he's like, you know, one more set of bad feedback and
I might lose my job. So I'm going to work smart reading the preferences. These guys
all seem like they're kind of into Asiany vibes
and I think my sushi skills are pretty up there.
So it's like pulling into my architectural background,
making models and stuff.
And it's time to just like suck it up
and get this pussy popping.
Yes, let's make some architectural sushi
and get this pussy popping.
If only we could eat your personality.
It would also still be set back.
I'm telling you right now. So Asian radios.
Oh, sorry. Go ahead.
No, I was going to say there's a girl on love Island, right?
She just came into the villa last night and she's like trying to be like all
sassy and she's like, she really likes the guys and she's like, oh my God,
my kitty is purring.
But like no one heard her.
So she goes, she says it again.
She goes, I know, right?
I mean, my pussy is purring.
For some reason him saying, let's get this pussy popping.
I'm imagining the girl off to the side on the boat going,
this kitty is purring.
Anyone?
He's trying it. He's gonna keep trying it all day. So now it's
time for Gail to talk about Nathan. He's like so good at his
job. And she's got such a connection with him. And oh my
god, like, they like strawberries. And then Asia and
Ellie are serving lunch. And Asia,, wow, Ellie's really lost her spark today.
And then it cuts to Ellie pouring water into a glass and it's just like,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
You know, like when water and ice just like slugs into a glass.
I hate that.
That was the example.
That was the example of her losing her spark.
Like look at the way the water and the ice is just kind of falling into the glass.
It's the most depressing sparkless waterfall I've ever seen.
It's just sad.
So then oh here comes some real big drama guys.
Okay so hey release the anchor for shackles and Joe's like all right
Well, the break is fully loose and it seems like we've touched the bottom. Okay. Well, it's 40 meters deep has one shackle
He even gone out yet. Am I right? What's the deal with shackles?
Bling-bling-bling didn't do it with you
The break is fully loose it seems like it's touched the bottom. 40 meters. Shackles.
One shackle is gone but I'm fully released on the break. Release the break. Release the
breaking. Release the cracking. I'm just kidding. Don't release the cracking. Just the break.
Are you talented enough at this for me to make jokes about crackings yet? I don't know.
Okay. How many shackles are we at? I hope that Gail's sitting there staring at you gorgeously
making you feel super insecure right now.
Gail, you doing that?
Shreem, Sandy?
Good job, girl.
Good job.
J.S.
BOWEN Something is happening here, and I wasn't quite sure what was happening, but I know
that whatever was happening was not happening correctly, because Gail's like, one shackle
is 27 feet, or what I like to call them, strawberries, and we are in 40 meters of water,
and I feel like Joe is feeling the pressure. So the question is if 27 feet have gone out
and we're in 40 meters of water
and a train is going at 60 miles per hour
from Buffalo towards Albany,
how long before I give up another strawberry to Nathan?
That's so funny how she's doing it.
She's like, oh my God, 27 feet, 40 meters of water.
I feel like Joe's feeling the pressure.
Captain's on the radio.
She's waiting.
Guess this is where experience comes in.
It's like, yes.
I love, I love this girl.
I hate her love story, but I'm loving her.
She's so funny.
And she's sitting there just watching him
and he's freaking out.
And she's just calmly watching him, but also helping him.
But being careful not to girl-splain
because he's already like spat, you know, he's already like secure and she totally knows how to do
it and it's cracking me up because she knows how to finesse it. Like you're supposed to
move the whatever it is, the, the, the real, the spool, the spool. So you're supposed to
like finesse it with your hand or something and he doesn't know how to do it. So he's
being really clunky and she's like, well, you know, here's another man being elevated
for no good reason, really.
So let's watch how this plays out, shall we?
Yep.
Yeah, I was like, all I knew is that Joe was doing it wrong,
and she knew how to do it right.
And she just was standing there, just looking at me like,
yeah, next time, listen to an attractive person.
Thank you.
Yeah. Um, so then, um, Natasha's like,
wow, Sandy, thank you. So I think this is the model who's saying this.
I think so. I think that, I think, um, every time we say Natasha, we mean Brittany. Yeah, I think so too. So she's like, so Sandy,
have you been updated on this lady Marsha's story of how it all began with them redoing their vows? Because she had breast cancer
three times. And Marsha's like, still here, still got it. So now whenever we do something
fun, I remarry my husband. And Sandy's like, oh wow, I love that.
That is crazy.
Do I have to buy you another gift?
Just kidding.
I didn't buy the first one.
Hey Norma, how many times have you remarried your husband?
Oh, touchy subject.
She's never been in a relationship.
Guys, let me tell you, Norma's had 10 never boyfriends.
Isn't that fun?
Let me tell you something though.
Norma did just renew her vows to her
mom. Yeah, it's real sad. Norma renewed her vows to stop eating ice cream for breakfast this morning,
but she had already broken those vows by lunch. Well, I guess there's always tomorrow. Tomorrow Don't worry, tomorrow vow, as we call it, brand norma. We used to get her Ben and Jerry's, you know,
because we'd feel bad, but she said,
I can't even look at them in their relationship.
It's just really triggering for her.
That talk about your disease is so sad.
You know, I had cancer too,
and it was real hard to get past that,
but you want to hear something even sadder, okay?
Do do do do do do, look over at? Okay. Do do do do do do. Look over at that march.
Do do do do do do.
Do you see that sad lady twerking alone in the sunset?
That's not a lot. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Oh no, I think she's trying to slow dance with a pulley now.
She's so lonely.
Okay. So, um, we get this story and it's kind of cute.
So then, um, it's just like, John, oh, this ceremony was quicker than I
expect to, oh, wait, wait, was that a stew?
Okay.
So the, the starting of our renewal, all right, you guys gonna get married?
And then the guy's like,
I vowed a stipple to stipple on a beard every day
so it looks like I'm growing facial hair.
And then Marsha's like,
I vowed to always look like I've just woken up
after sleeping flat on my back for 10 hours
after just putting some fresh aqua net on my hair.
fresh aqua net on my hair.
Oh, uh, well I do the wed, um, the hair can now kiss the fake beard. Okay. There you go.
On behalf of every man in the world, I vowed never to marry Norma.
Okay.
Hold on.
I just want to FaceTime Norma so she can see that even these two
losers losers found each other.
Okay. All right. Look, there she goes on the barge, the SS lonely. Okay. Hold on, I just want to FaceTime Norma so she can see that even these two losers found each other.
Okay.
All right.
Look, there she goes on the barge.
The SS lonely.
Okay.
Okay, so now they're shucking oysters.
By the way, isn't me?
Were they shucking oysters?
Okay.
I've never shucked an oyster, but I felt like something was wrong here.
There was so much hammering. Is that normal
in oyster shucking? I was like, there was way too much shell debris. I know that there's some shell
debris when you shuck an oyster, but that was like, they were hammering. Something is wrong here.
Yeah. When I've worked at places with oysters, I've never been a shucker. Thankfully,
I've always worked at places that they do that shit for you,
which is really nice because I ain't doing it.
It looks hard to me.
I don't remember a ton of hammering.
I feel like people are really good.
They'll grab it, like sometimes with a towel,
but they'll have a little knife that they'll get in there
and they'll just, yeah.
And you're supposed to go into the knife
and then twist it, right?
But like he was, John was like hammering it
like a crab in Baltimore.
And I was like, um, I'm really getting concerned about his skills.
This is why you can't have a house builder opening, uh, oysters.
Yeah.
Or just going to go for the hammer.
Yeah.
You know, like, wait a minute, are you drywalling that oyster?
Are you assembling those oysters in the shape of the Guggenheim
Museum? I'm an architect.
Well, there is an oyster tool set and it has a little knife and a
fork. So it doesn't have a hammer. Okay, let me see. Stainless
steel crab hammer. So you're right, a crab mallet. And
there's an oyster coiling pick, which is like a little hammer.
So yeah, maybe you do use it sometimes, a little hammer.
I mean, I can imagine maybe it's really tough
or there's some buildup.
It's called a calling hammer, calling, the calling hammer.
A calling hammer.
Well, I'll tell you one thing,
you gotta use that to get into Norma's you know what,
because it has not been opened in a while.
Okay.
Wow, you wanna talk about an oyster hammer, je Jeez. Hey, someone called Norma's vagina.
All right.
Oh, it's been cold a long time ago.
Hey, if Ellie won't even go into the hot tub without calling herself, what's Norma going
to do? Poor Norma.
I'll tell you what's been cold. That vagina for years. Just nice and icy.
God, I'll tell you who's got a better chance of being cold than ever cold. That's Norma.
God, Norma's favorite song by Blondie, call me. I'm exposed, you'll need a hammer and a cooler.
Call me.
Oh God, there she goes again.
Someone, who's, why is Norma on the barge still?
Someone tell Norma to go back to work.
We still don't have a new chef.
Oh wait, did I say that out loud?
Sorry, John.
Go back to paint. We still don't have a new chef. Oh, wait, did I say that out loud? Sorry, John. Go back to, go back to paint bad oyster, okay? Hey, Marcia, I got lost in the joke. Are we making
fun of, make fun of Norma because she has been cold or not been cold? See you at a-
Oh my God, this is such a special joke. Let's get married again, honey. Oh, Jesus Christ.
So, now, so they do all this stuff and now they're serving, um,
that was time to serve dinner. So dinner is,
it looks like it's like a surf and turf, you know, like steak. Um,
there's lobster tails. There's a lot of red stuff on the plate. A lot of,
and by the way, so these things, the person, the red, the red powder,
the red powder. Yeah, I didn't understand it. Was it like eat powder or it was, that was, that's not good. I don't Yeah. I didn't understand it. Was it like, beet powder or?
That's not good.
I don't know.
I didn't like it.
And the steaks were, those were small.
They were like, they looked, the steaks looked very gray.
I was like, aren't these cooked properly?
They looked kind of sad and they were kind of thin.
And I was like, I don't know.
But you know what?
When they cut into them, they had a nice color, if you ask me, I was like, you know what, good color.
I think they were they looked raw. They look like gelatinous raw to me with like a gray
exterior. They did not look good. But I didn't know if it was the red plate that was making
it all look crazy. Yeah, I couldn't tell because some people liked it and it looked raw. And
one thing I think about raw meat is it's not dry, right? Exactly. So this is where there's a lot of confusion.
This is what I, this is when I second, didn't like this Brittany chick cause
she's drunk. First of all, how disgusting. Get some matters. I'm just kidding.
It's not the being drunk part,
but it's the being drunk and overly critical of things.
Cause I feel like you shouldn't trust drunk people at dinner because we've just
learned from this show, you know?
Drunk people are just like,
gross, this is how I want it.
Well, you're drunk, so you don't get to judge it.
And I feel like Britney's very like,
I don't like it, it's dry.
And everybody else is like, well, it's fine, it's good.
Everyone else is fine.
It's dry.
Ugh.
And the thing is like, we do see everyone else's pieces,
regardless of whether it's too raw
or not like we see a lot of like red and pink like we do not we're not seeing gray slabs
of sad meat like this and we even see hers and it looks red so I was confused but later
on we do see a close-up of the plate and it does look more gray so I'm just confused like
I can't figure it out but she's saying it's dry and Asia's like,
do you want me to get you another piece here? In the meantime,
here's some glass that you can look at. It was in my thumb. Do you like that?
So she goes to Jano and said, just so you know,
all of the guests are fine with the mate, but the primary said it was dry.
And he's like, Oh, God reversed. Okay, I'll come up and talk to her. And he's like, I don't want
to repeat where the primary blankets the culinary joy for others. GG, Fernandez. So, um, and-
Right. But how about you don't blanket the culinary joy? I don't know. I'm trying to be on your side,
but then you blame people of blanketing culinary joy.
So then meanwhile, Ellie just goes up to Sandy and is like,
they don't like the steak. It just dry again. I was like, wow, just throwing Jono under the bus.
I mean, you know, Sandy needs to know this, but Ellie was very happy to do that,
which is why Jono should have woken up and made those paninis back in episode one, because Ellie was going to get her revenge.
That's the thing. You never want to piss people off at work because they will always get your
ass back, especially when there's only like four other people and you're all stuck on a boat
together. Okay. Yeah, she's always going to get that revenge. So, Jono's was like, Oh, hello, everybody. I hope you enjoyed your dinner.
I'm so sorry about your steak. I'll do better next time. Stupid slug. I hope you don't
sleep.
Instead of steak, would you like a pile of cardamom? Cause I could do that for you. So,
so now it's after dinner and, um, the plan is to do a fashion show.
The crew is going to do a fashion show for the guests.
So they're all going to get into goofy clothes and everything.
And the thing is that Ellie has decided to take this very, very seriously.
She basically is...
Everyone's getting pretty on goofy things, like just finding wigs and random stuff.
But Ellie is like getting into an outfit
and she's doing her hair and the show is supposed to start at a certain time and then first they're
like first she's 10 minutes late then 15 minutes late she winds up being like 45 minutes late to
the fake fashion show this is embarrassing the whole episode was kind of embarrassing for Ellie
because i've really been loving Ellie but i was like oh no. So this is one of those
dumb costume parties where you just throw a party city wig on straight from the plastic bag and you
walk funny and it's over but she's like taking it so seriously because I love costumes so she's
doing that and Aisha's getting so pissed because she won't come and she's like this is the first time I've seen Ellie disobey me and I do not like it.
That girl is gonna get hugged so hard tomorrow.
I'm gonna forgive the shit out of her the second I get a chance.
I...
When I see you I'm gonna go oh it's beautiful.
I hope that girl is ready to wake up
and get a gold star on her forehead.
You know, the thing is this,
so she does all this, she takes all this time.
This is like Laura from below deck down under last season
who would take, like make everyone wait an hour
and then come out looking just sort of like normal.
And like Ellie looks nice.
She's like, and I put on jeans.
Yeah. And so Ellie, you know, she has like a latex thing on. I know it takes a little extra time because it's latex and you know, it's pretty, but it's not like, it's not like va va vumi enough to
be like, wow. It's not like fashion enough to be like, wow. And it's not like silly enough to be
like, haha. It's just like her in a latex outfit. And Asia, I think is totally right when she's like,
I think that Ellie was actually auditioning for this woman
to get like signed by her agency.
Yeah, she goes, I mean, it's like Ellie delivering
to the guests and getting our job done
comes before your OnlyFans career, all right?
So Breeze, Breeze back with the guy. She's like, can I sleep on your floor tonight? And
they're like, oh, you want the mattress again? She goes, yes, sleep over. And Joe's like,
uh, I guess I'm paying my consequences now. But Nathan's like, uh, yeah, I'm not, I'm
not.
That's no, this is, this is no, cause now she's just going to hang.
Now she's just going to be sleeping in there.
It's like, no, Bri, you have to, she's trying to make it like a thing.
Right.
And Ellie's like, she's once again sleeping in the boys' cabin and making me look
like I'm this horrible person who's abusing her and she can't even sleep in
the same cabin and me hold on one second.
Put the dishes over there and then throw them on their face,
you stupid little slag.
I mean, why would she think that I'm abusing her?
So it's morning time now and Brie tells the guy,
she's like, oh, I realized how well this works
because we all go down at the same time
and wake up at the same time too.
But with Ellie, she comes in at like 2 a.m.
So this is really good for me. And
Nathan's like, is she actually suggesting the cap and chains? I don't think so mate.
And he's like, yeah, that's not happening.
Yeah. And they're like, Joe's like, is it my fault? And Nathan's like, yeah, it's
not.
So Ellie and Bri talk again, and Bri's like, I just wanted to say that I know I have my problems as well,
and I'm sorry that I affected you,
and I'm sorry that I haven't been sleeping in the cabin,
and I know it's making you feel weird.
You're like, oh, good job, Bri.
And it's like, yeah, well, I mean,
you can do whatever you want.
It's just kind of unusual. You can do whatever you want,
unless that involves telling me what to do.
So then the guys are like, yeah, she needs to cut that shit. And Aisha is like,
what are you guys talking about? And Nathan's like, I don't really want to know. So I'm back
to Brie. She's like, but you've been teaching me so well in some ways and you know,
it's almost belittling in a sense.
It's like, wow, you really can't just quit while you're ahead.
Yeah.
She is so funny because now she's clearly just trying to piss Ellie off.
Yeah.
And Ellie's like, oh, belittling.
Whoa.
Are you fucking kidding me?
The Lamborghini belittling the BW bug?
I don't think so.
And she's like, yeah, you're belittling me.
And she's like, oh, really?
Bree is saying I'm belittling her and making her stupid? And she's like, well, and Bree's like, well,
she's made it very apparent that she's very smart
and she must think that she's never wrong
because she's so smart.
And you know, sometimes you do just make me feel shitty.
And she goes, if you feel that way,
that's your own security you're feeling.
You know what I told my Barbie who grew up in a box?
I said, if you complained about being a box,
it's your own fault for not looking around and seeing a mansion, you stupid ungrateful little goldfish!
But please note that I did not belittle that Barbie. I just gave her that laugh.
I put people over her mouth and I turned and I stuck her head into a rotten lemon.
Belittling? I can't fucking believe this shit. She said, well, that's just how I felt. Oh,
you're not going to tell me I belittled you.
That's it.
I'm like, you're literally belittling her right now
about belittling.
Do you hear yourself?
I will not.
I, you're not going to tell me I belittle you, you stupid little
insignificant piece of trash.
This, uh, Stu-Fi is one of the funnier ones because I don't care.
Like, usually this show can get me riled up
where I'm really on somebody's side.
I'm like, oh my God, that Stu is abusing the other Stu
or you know something like it makes me mad.
And this one I'm like, you are both so ridiculous.
I don't even know what you're fighting about.
It's great.
That's just funny.
That's also funny because I feel like we've never really seen
the power trip thing happen so quickly. Like we've seen power trips, but this,
like, Oh, you took the guy that I wanted. Okay.
I'm going from like taking you under my wing and being sweet and lovely to you
just to being like awful to you.
I'm going to be so awful and so mean to you right now.
And then Bree just being so bad at trying to make amends and trying to fix the
situation. It's hilarious. And also very cringy. Brie just being so bad at trying to make amends and trying to fix the situation,
it's hilarious and also very cringy.
Yes, so fun.
So we'll be back next week with more of this.
Also, we didn't mention this earlier in the recap,
but we had the opportunity this week to talk to Asha.
We interviewed Asha.
It was such a fun time talking to her.
She's such a funny chick and just really down to earth,
really cool.
And she actually dropped a lot of gossip in that,
well, not gossip, just, you know, shit that's happened
and talked about her season of Down Under
and all the drama that went on with the last season of that.
And she's just fantastic and really open,
really vulnerable and honest guys.
So go check that out.
It's on our regular feed.
And we also covered Love Island this weekend, a bit on the bonus. So go check that out. It's on our regular feed. And we also covered Love
Island this weekend a bit on the bonus. So go check that out. A bunch of fun stuff on
Patreon. And if you want these videos, obviously that's patreon.com slash watch what crappens
at the crappens on demand and we love you guys. We will talk to you next time. Bye.
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Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels.
She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef.
But this story didn't end with a happily ever after.
When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground,
and I heard somebody say, call 911.
As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries.
So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised.
The first person they look at would be the spouse.
We understand that's usually the way they do it.
But we began to wonder,
had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels...
There are murders in all of the books.
...that she was playing them out in real life?
Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy
on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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