Watch What Crappens - #2539 RHOC S18E08 Part Two: How To Get Away with Murder
Episode Date: August 30, 2024This is part 2 of a two-parter!The NBCU synergy machine whirs to life on Real Housewives of Orange County as the cast participates in a lowrent version of The Traitors, with Teddi Mellencamp ...subbing in for Alan Cumming! Who will survive? And will be face MURDERRRR? Watch this recap as a video and get our Secret Lives of Mormon Wives bonus at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens!
This is part two of a two-part recap.
If you're like, hey wait a minute, I didn't hear part one.
Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps.
Go back and listen to part one, okay?
It's before this one.
Enjoy the show.
So then Vicky shows up and Gina's like,
Vicky just looks like she's going to a business meeting.
Okay, when you're getting fashion shamed by Gina,
you've really stumbled.
Hey, you stumbled hard.
So then they're making fun of Vicky and stuff.
And then Tamara's like,
Oh, you know, this show has one of the most fabulous hosts
of all time, one of the biggest personalities,
sparkles, feathers, dripping with charisma.
And so we're gonna have that host represented today by
dun dun, dun dun, dun dun.
Hi, I'm Teddy.
The Teddy Mellon camp twist.
Everyone's like, huh?
Okay, sure.
It's like going to a Coke machine
before they put the syrup in it.
The fuck are you trying to serve me?
That happened to me.
This is nowhere close to Alan Cumming.
That happened to me very recently
at a McDonald's on the way to Vegas.
I was like, what is going on
with this Teddy Mellon Camp soda machine right now?
I kept on going for the Diet Coke, it was just clear water coming out.
I was like, who put Teddy Mellencamp in this?
The fuck is Teddy Mellencamp doing here?
Get the hell out of here.
So you're publicizing both your podcast and the Traders.
Traders is over.
Their podcast does really well though, so good for you for that one.
But still, get out of here. So for peer Teddy and peer Tamara, good for you guys. You know,
it's great to see you kicking ass for show Teddy and show Tamara. You guys are fuckers.
Okay.
Show Teddy.
What did I call them?
Did you say peer like for peer Teddy and peer Tamara?
No, like real life, oh, peer.
Yeah, I thought it was funny.
As our peers, good for you guys.
You're doing a great job.
Love your clips on the TikTok, okay?
But for show versions of you, fuck you guys.
You're bringing fucking Teddy on here.
Are you not a villain enough that you're going to bring Teddy on now?
Well, we're in the late stage Teddy era,
whereas when Teddy first showed up on Beverly Hills, she was like,
do I? I didn't really know what she was getting into. She was,
you know, Lisa Vanderpump gathered her up, made her like her little sidekick.
And she was just like thrust into this world. She was like,
I just wear like shirts from shirts from the gap. And, uh, but then she went,
and then she got, then Kyle got our hands on her.
And then Teddy became the Teddy that we know and make
fun of. And then, but post housewives, she's really just sort of leaned into, you know
what? Fuck it. I'll just be an asshole. And she does just, she just is like, whatever.
I'm just, I'm just going to like go after Vicky at BravoCon. I'm just going to have
an, I'm going to have an attitude doing the traders thing
on Orange County.
I can't tell where I stand on it.
I don't know if I'm like, I like when, you know,
I don't know if I like when assholes just lean
into being an asshole or do I, or am I more like,
Teddy stop it.
I can't, jury's out for me.
Well, my jury was out years ago after the Vanderpump thing
and it just never came back and there's no re-proud. Runaway jury. Unfortunately, so yeah, the jury was out years ago after the Vanderpump thing and it just never came back
and there's no retrial, unfortunately.
So yeah, the jury is over.
When it got to that part where she admitted at the reunion that Vanderpump never asked
her to put out that Lucy Lucy apple juice information, I was like, this is over for
me.
There will be no retrial here.
You've been caught red handed.
So every time I see Teddy now, I'm just like, hi, I'm Teddy.
You liar. You know, I see Teddy now, I'm just like, hi, I'm Teddy. You liar!
You know?
I have a housewives memory, girl.
You can't just forget stuff.
You're like Mary Lou Henner with her photographic memory.
As long as I'm talking about taxi.
You know, actually that is the only box of Wheaties
that I do remember is her being like, yes!
Like she's throwing her arms in the air.
And I was like, oh, look at that little thing getting her own Wheaties box.
Well, that was Mary Lou Retton. But I do love the idea of Mary Lou Henner getting a Wheaties box,
too. She's like, Mary Lou Henner from Taxi. No, Mary Lou Henner I know because Taxi,
I saw her in Chicago and Las Vegas. And she tried to get everybody to stop eating dairy. And I
hated her as a child because I was like, you better stop trying
to take away my dairy you fucking monster.
Cause my mom was like, I saw Mary Lou Henner on Oprah,
dairy will kill you, no more dairy for you.
And I was like, I will never forget this Mary Lou.
I will never forget this.
She was like, me neither, I have a photographing memory.
So, she does. So, um,
she does. So, uh, but what was funny about this whole thing was that as Hedy,
as Hedy, as Teddy approaches the cast,
we see her feet and we see her legs and she's wearing riding pants cause she loves horses. Don't forget she has a horse girl. But then we go to commercials,
like a cliffhanger, like who could this be?
Even though it was like on the trailers and everything.
And I just love that the arrival
of Teddy Mellencamp actually like induces a commercial break. I'm like, really? This
is our cliffhanger that like Teddy Mellencamp's coming out. Be one of the Pearson, but like,
Ted, I like that it was this big surprise. Then all the housewives were like, oh, it's Teddy.
Hi, I'm Teddy.
It's fucking Teddy. I'm Teddy. They were like, ew.
It's fucking Teddy. I'm Teddy.
They're like, she does look good though.
You know, cause that's what everybody says on these shows.
She's always looked good.
Everybody says on these shows.
It's like, gosh, she sucks, but she really looks pretty.
She does look good.
I met her that one time and she was like, knockout.
Hi, I'm Teddy.
So, Heather goes. It's like they, what? Go ahead. Go ahead. Nothing.
So Heather goes, it's Teddy. She was like, she's so serious.
Did she ride a horse here? And again,
the theme of how do people drive to different,
different places in orange County rears his head again in the scene.
And Emily's like, this is my podcast partner, because I was on that podcast one time. I think she does the show because Tamara's not
allowed to do it or something when they're talking about Orange County. So Tamara's like,
choking on myself. She probably did that.
I figured that Teddy would be the best host.
Just like Alan Cumming.
Please, it's like you put Alan Cumming.
Have you ever seen those movies
where terrorists kidnap somebody and then it's like,
oh my God, look at that news reporter, so full of life.
And then he gets rescued from the terrorists
like six months later and he's just a shell of a human being.
That's what it's like.
Alan Cumming has been taken by terrorists
and then released six months later, but looking really good in a cute skirt. Hello, Alan Cumming. It's your
agent, Mary Lou Henner. We have two opportunities for you in pop culture this week. You can either
be on HBO talking about a monkey or you could be doing a low rent version of Traders in Orange name which you choose, the monkey. I choose the monkey. Okay. So then, um, and Tamara's like, she won't disappoint, which she, she knows that's
a lie. Okay. So then Teddy's like, welcome housewives and Vicky. And everyone's like,
LOL. Because that was so weird. And Vicky is just like doing that invisible lip opening
and closing thing that the women on this show do.
She's a fucking bitch.
Just hi, I'm your toast.
Hi, I'm Teddy Mellencamp.
Welcome to the thrilling game of traders.
Let the game begin.
You're gonna come up and you're gonna fill out
a questionnaire just like on TV.
And at the end you will pay. You'll pay. Come join me on questionnaire traders.
It's like guys, did anyone actually watch the show?
Yeah. What's going on with this?
So Gina's like, I got no idea what Teddy just said,
but we're going to fill out.
Okay, Gina,
you don't need to play up that accent more and more every episode. I can't even understand you sound like you're underwater at this point.
So Tamra's like, did you ever play that game like with your siblings when you would go
underwater in the pool and
then see if you could understand what each other was saying?
Every time you get down, it would be like, I was saying, fuck you, mom hates you, she
loves me more than you.
Could you understand it?
So I'm human.
So Tamara. I love you man. So Tamra,
she not feels bad under water. She's,
she's a very, she's a very feeling mermaid. So
she's been banished. They're like Ursula, please take away her voice.
It's Ken's Luan. Ken's Luan mermaid.
Oh, I'm trying to do my cabaret
and this one's always talking about how she feels bad.
Ursula.
We've done the Countess as a mermaid once.
I think it's on TikTok.
Okay, so was Gina's, Tamra's like,
the horse makes it, oh, Tamra explains the game.
I'm not gonna go into the rules of the game
because it makes no sense.
So Shannon's like, wow, well, Vicky,
how do you feel about this?
Because the last interaction you had with Teddy,
and she's like, I have zero to do with her.
She is so, so disrespectful to me, so disrespectful.
And then we see a flashback to BravoCon
where they're playing Who's the Beef?
And Teddy is like, so Vicky, where were you on January 6th?
I don't know a little bit about that. And Teddy is like, so Vicky, where were you on January 6th?
Because like, how dare you ask me where I was on January 6th. I'll tell you where I was. I was working a job. That's what I was doing. I was owning an insurance company.
That's what I did.
And I was adjusting. I was seeing what the insurance damages were in Nancy Pelosi's office.
So Vicki's like, she's like, Tamara and Teddy are two peas in a tit, tit, tit, tit, tit,
and I don't know what the fuck their stupid podcast is about, but Teddy can kiss my ass.
So Heather's like, Heather's in the corner with her questionnaire.
She goes, excuse me, is there a large font for old traders?
Okay, thank you so much. That's Heather's new storyline.
She's like, I have fuzzy vision.
Am I relatable?
Does anyone wanna buy my paparazzi pictures now?
That's the only reason why I passed
on Taylor Armstrong's script.
The font was too small.
Now you all understand.
So, Tam is like,
Who's the best liar?
She goes, oh, this is a mean game. We have to answer questions. That was a mean question.
I see where this is going. I see where it's going.
So, they have to answer all these kind of shady questions about each other.
And they're split up into teams of two to do it.
So, um, Gina says, well, the biggest biggest lie is Katie cause she's just lying a lot.
She's just lying so much and no one's going to say Katie except you.
And she's not lying about anything. She literally, in fact,
she has gotten into this mess because she was upfront and honest about everything.
And you're the one who lied because you're the one who acted like, uh,
Katie never said this stuff when you brought her around the group.
And then once it came out, now you thrown out the way to save your own ass
with your friend when you were,
we should have just been a good friend in the first place.
Too light.
Uh, so who's the most judgmental and Jen's like, well, Emily's been judging me.
I mean, that really hurt. I mean, I just judged her as being judgmental.
Does that make me hypocrite? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry guys.
I mean, it's a hard game. It's been hard game for me. Yeah
I'm gonna put me down and then Jen says Emily has a lot to say about me always
She called me a squatter you look like you have no money when you when we know you don't or you have money when you know
You don't I owe everyone in town money sell my Rolex pay my bills. I mean I could go on it's hurtful
But I really like her a lot. I hope she's not mad at me.
I hope we can make up one day just so I can say, it's so good being friends with you.
You're such a good person. So now it's time for everyone to gather around the round table here
and Teddy's going to walk around and tap on, like choose the murderer, et cetera. So she's like,
okay, everyone, take a seat.
And once we commence, everyone will put your plugs in
and a mask and the face, and then I will walk around
and I will select the traitor.
And if you hear, hi, I'm Teddy,
while I tap your shoulder, that means you've been picked.
Yeah, and Heather's like, what does the traitor even do?
I'm not even sure what the concept is.
Let's kill people.
Well, normally I do that in very slow ways
by nagging them as they're trying to watch the windows
three stories up a ladder or, you know,
just sending the laundry back to be redone again and again
while I stand in the back going,
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
until someone just gets so old and failed that they die.
Is that how we're playing?
Cause this could be a very long party.
Oh, I always thought the obligation of a trader
was to come in and ruin your nobu party.
Okay.
So the trader has been picked.
We don't see who it is.
And Heather's like, wait,
did you notice that she tapped the cane three times
over there, but two times everywhere else?
Hmm, hmm.
Maybe I was the only one who can hear that
because I'm basically blind now,
so my hearing is very, very good.
Oh, so you think that Jen's the traitor?
That would make sense because she is a traitor, bitch.
Heather's like, well, I had my earplugs in,
so I don't know if it was Jen or Jen.
She's making canned food for diet coke cans.
So now Heather asks Katie to chat and meanwhile Emily tells us,
I'm happy to see that Heather has acknowledged that Katie exists and breathes the air.
I feel like it's a step in the right direction.
So Emily tells us that she's just happy they're moving forward. So Heather and Katie gather and Heather's like, oh my God, my fake hair is all frizzing.
Ha ha ha.
Look at me.
Funny and relatable.
So let's talk about you and your lying ass.
Well, anyways, I am having an event in Sonoma next week.
It's a place that people go who enjoy wine.
And we're gonna go,
and it's for an organization called Family Equality.
Did you understand me?
Do you understand English?
Can you hear me?
Would you like me to write that down?
So just take your private plane and meet us up there.
You have a private plane, don't you, Katie?
She's like, and in the spirit of inclusivity, I would really like to invite you to join
us.
Oh, well, I appreciate that.
Thank you so much.
You know what, America, I don't really have an interest in being friends with Katie.
Let's be clear.
There's no like reconciling here.
We never were friends.
However, I would never go out of my way to make someone feel left out unless they were on my payroll
Unless they're Taylor Armstrong, or I wouldn't let come back or noella who I also wouldn't let come back or Reba McIntyre
Who's dead to me?
So Katie's like wow, I would really love to join you
Thank you for the invitation.
And I do want to apologize to you for whatever it is that you're mad about.
She's like, I don't, you know what?
I don't want to re-litigate anything.
So let's just move on.
It's unimportant.
There, I did that myself because I really can't count on those people.
So let's move on.
Okay, you're going to come to my party.
You're very lucky.
You're welcome. And one my party. You're very lucky. You're welcome.
And one last word, adjudicate. So Katie says, you know, it's impossible to move on with
Heather when she doesn't let me finish a sentence. I'm like, well, that's also because it takes
you a long time to get to the end of your sentence. Very, very slow talker.
I think it's time to like give up the golf stuff and just like use a normal voice because
it's very difficult to follow somebody who's like,
well, let me tell you what I feel.
Like, I don't care.
Like you're putting me to sleep.
Okay.
Feel something more exciting.
Like sparkles.
Follow your dog names.
That's my suggestion.
Well, cheers to moving on.
Very good.
Now let's find out who this traitor bitch is.
Cause I'm sure when it's revealed,
whoever is the traitor is probably a very, very good actress and probably should work in the industry more given how well
she's deceiving everyone at this table. Don't we both agree on this?
Katie does a really funny imitation of her where she's like, well, yeah,
Heather sucks. Like get your fingers out of my face.
She keeps doing Heather and Heather does do this where she just like put your
hand right in front of your face and fingers and moves.
It's the car wash. Those like flaps that go in front of your car.
Yeah. So, okay. So they've decided that they're going to move on and everybody cheers at the table.
And then Katie sits down next to Jim. She goes, I tried to apologize, but she like cut me off.
She's like, oh my God, what is she? What is she, my ex-husband?
We have so much in common.
We're both getting cut off too.
My God, we're basically sisters.
So now Heather and Gina go off to have a chat
and Gina's like, who, so I have a question.
Who do you think is the traitor?
Well, I think it's either you or Emily.
And if it is you or Emily, you've done
such an excellent job here that I wouldn't be surprised if P.T. Anderson calls you himself
and casts you in his next feature film,
which he should do to whoever is the traitor
on this show right now.
Well, I'm not the traitor.
That's exactly what the traitor would say.
That is what the traitor would say, Gina.
Yeah, but I'm not the traitor.
You're such a traitor. You know what we need to start trading?
Your terrible clothes. I think I should come over again.
Let's just get rid of all your clothes.
I'll give you a lot of pleather,
light pink motorcycle jackets.
Maybe we could spill some pizza together,
like old times sake.
I was gonna make a spilling pizza joke too.
Sorry, I was like Brad,
just to all your standbys and the way.
It's just so funny, like that scene of Heather,
like spilling the pizza while she's walking in New York City
and be like, look at me, I am of the people.
So-
I'm such a normal girl.
Look at me, part of the 99%.
I didn't even bring my pizza catcher on this trip
because I'm just so relatable.
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Welcome to the Offensive Line.
You guys, on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some s***, and hopefully
make you some money in the process.
I'm your host, Annie Agar.
So here's how this show's going to work, okay?
We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking
them down into very serious categories like No Offense.
No offense Travis Kelce, but you gotta step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the
Chiefs need to have more fun this year.
We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding
the world of football.
Awards like the He May Have a Point award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably
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Is it Brandon Iuke, T Higgins, or Devontae Adams?
Plus on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share
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What's up guys, it's your girl Kiki
and my podcast is back with a new season
and let me tell you, it's too good.
And I'm diving into the brains
of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?
Every episode I bring on a friend.
I mean the likes of Amy Poehler,
Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.
So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.
This is Kiki Palmer on the
Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
So then, um, let's see. So then, um, who else? I don't know. I'm reading through notes.
So Tamara, Vicki and Shannon are inside eating. Okay. So they're going to have, they have
a little scene. Um, they're, well, they're going to have a scene. There's a lot of things that go back.
So now it's Jen and Emily. Now it's Jen and Emily.
Sorry.
Let's go to that one.
Yeah. Jen and Emily first.
I like that you pick up my confusion ball and then you just run with the confusion ball.
I thought we were at the other Trace Amiga scene and it turns out we weren't.
We'll just keep going back and forth being confused.
And I love you for that.
That's what a good trader does.
Thank you so much. Thank you for being
such a good friend. A good trader causes confusion,
and a great trader should be cast in a new TV show on CBS, just saying.
Okay. So Emily comes up to Jen and she's like, I just wanted to tell you that since I saw you,
I've been doing soul searching. And unfortunately, I took myself back to being a little a little girl and my soul was like, I'm hungry and there was no one to
make me breakfast. I did a lot of soul searching in the shape of getting a spray tan on our front
lawn and something that my pasties told me was that that wasn't right of me to yell at you. That
wasn't nice. I'm sure like, well, I guess I want to ask you because, you know, we keep finding
ourselves in the spot where you're saying that you're better than me and I'm lesser
than.
So am I lesser than you?
I'm not saying you're lesser, only an actual monetary worth, you know.
No, probably better because, you know, I'm also a lawyer.
So I mean, kind of, but not in a mean way.
You know, I grew up with nothing and I would absolutely never judge someone based on what
they have and I think you're just in a space where you are now because you've had so many
people take care of you.
Unlike me, I would just stare at the ends of bread.
Who wants to make sandwiches with bread ends?
Over and over and over I'd be like mom get some new Wonder Bread and you know what you'd
come back with? Nothing. So yeah i'm a bit traumatized i was a little girl that no one wanted to be friends with
because every time i tried to open my own can of tuna my hands were so little that i couldn't
control it and the juice would spray all over my top so i was a little girl who smelled like tuna juice
do you know how hard that is? Not one
person around me with big hands.
My goodness, was that like tuna?
So much fish.
Was that tuna in oil or tuna in water? Because if it was oil, then that's like a real lasting
stain.
It was oil. It was oil.
So Emily's like, yeah, like it was hard, and you've been taken care of.
She goes, oh yeah, my whole life.
I've been taken care of my whole life.
It's actually been really nice.
And she's like, yeah, well now you're like,
fuck, I have to take care of myself,
and I don't know how to do that.
She's like, yeah, I mean, it's gross.
It really is gross.
Thank you for understanding.
It is really like what?
Pay a bill.
Who's bill, am I right?
Thank you so much.
Thank you for getting it.
I had nothing growing up, no support,
nobody paid for anything, nobody stepped up, no safety.
I had a lot of traumatizing things happen
that I don't like to talk about,
except when I'm on TV and I talk about it all the time.
So it made me who I am, which is hard.
I'm driven, thematic tie in, and I'm tough.
And a lot of times it's very difficult
for me to see outside of that. And so'm tough. And a lot of times it's very difficult for me to see outside of that.
And so I apologize.
And that's not on you.
That's issues that I have with my past.
And by the way, I do reserve the right
to still yell at you for the rest of the season.
Oh my gosh, Emily, you are someone I really look up to,
especially when you're standing over me
while I'm sitting down, pointing your finger in my face,
calling me a poor loser, you know?
So it's just like so good to look up at you.
And I mean, sometimes I think, oh, she's perfect.
I mean, she could cut her nose hairs, let's be honest.
But otherwise, I mean, you're just such a good person,
Emily, thank you so much for talking to me.
If you ever want to exercise in a parking lot, call me.
You know, I would like to be more like a woman like Emily.
I just like being around women
that I feel like you can grow from.
And I feel that way with her. It's like, you know what? I think I'm going to take a boudoir
photo now.
So then, oh, my boudoir is being taken away by that U-Haul. Well, hey, we'll just do the
boudoir and the parking lot.
So then Emily, they hug basically, they make up.
And Emily's like, I appreciate that Jen said
that she admired me, but God, it made me feel
like even more of an asshole.
So now we go over to Tamara, Shannon and Vicky.
And Tamara is like, by the way,
did you figure out the car situation?
Can you drive Sophia around?
And Shannon was like, yes, I mean, well,
I chose the breathalyzer. I chose one that
looks like a side of salmon and you just put some cream cheese
in it and then you blow onto it. It's just, it's so fun.
And then you just wait for those cells to roll in and then a
bunch of zeros start appearing in your car stops and someone
comes to repossess it. God damn it. And Tamara's like, why can't
you just go into an Uber for six months? And she's like, well, I have been doing that. But my dry cleaning has just been sitting there
since December 31st. I would kind of like to pick it up. If you think I'm going to put my dry
cleaning in a stranger's car, you are sadly mistaken, Tamara. So Tamara's like, well, I'll
help you because okay, everyone. Okay. So this is like the first time that we're really getting to talk.
And I believe that we had a great show. Don't you guys remember the sombreros? So many great memories.
And Tamara's like, yeah, we had an amazing show.
We basically walked away from a Tony winning show, the Tracy Biggess. I mean, it was amazing.
Everyone said it. I've not heard from one person that you had a good show, to be honest.
And we've heard from a lot of people
who have been to your show.
Not one single person said, that was really good.
Yeah.
So, because like, yeah, I mean,
I thought we were on the same page and then, you know,
and we see headlines about how the Trace Amigas broke up.
This like dog and pony show taking up so much space
on this season is hilarious.
I mean, they're really acting like they're Oasis. And by the way, Oasis is getting back together.
Yeah, I read that. Why is that causing such a kerfluffle?
Because they're always broken up. They're like the original Trace Amigas, except they're
the dos Hermanos. So then we go to, they're like, so why is it, Vicki's like, what's the problem? And
she's like, well, Shannon and I had a problem because of a drinking. And I liked one of
Alexis' posts about her twin 16 year old birthday. And Shannon's like, oh, okay. And you know
what that post said? It said, friendships forming, but okay. Okay. And then we see the post on the screen and it says, hashtag friendships can form.
Dun, dun, dun.
No, Shad, I didn't even look at the hashtag. Okay. I don't even know what that means. Like,
what does friendships can form even mean? That's three words I've never even heard of before my
life. Shannon goes, well, there were articles all that day of our publicist making a statement on behalf of she and John four days after their bet. So, I was super, super upset about it. Sharon, you don't need to do a
breathalyzer into your straw. Yes, I do. It's a violation if I drink my Diet Coke before checking
in. Oh my God, my Diet Coke just drove off. Excuse me, ladies, I have to bring my Diet Coke
back to the mechanic shop and pay a violation fee. Actually, she's not drinking a diet coke. When she got there, she's like,
um, hello, can I have a very, very light tequila and soda? Thank you.
As in very light soda, heavy on the tequila. Thank you so much.
Yeah, so I don't need to go too into this, but yeah, Tamara's obviously full of shit.
It's like the day of,
Alexis is announcing all of this stuff.
Like, I'm fucking John Jansen.
And Tamara's like, love you, friendships conform.
Hehehe.
It's like what?
I don't even know what hashtags are.
You know what?
I never thought for a million years
that Alexis Bellino would be dating John Jansen.
Well, I don't want to have anything to do
with Alexis Bellino.
I want nothing whatsoever. Well, she's constantly saying, I don't want to hurt anything to do with Alexis Bellino. I want nothing whatsoever.
Well, she's constantly saying, I don't want to hurt Shannon. And I mean, I'm sorry, bitch,
but like, it's not my fault that John is dating Alexis and I don't even care about that, bitch.
I'm like, sure, Tamara, sure. You don't care about it whatsoever. Meanwhile, she's advocating,
saying that Alexis is saying that she doesn't want to hurt Shannon. That's all Alexis has
been wanting to do all season long. I know. She's so crazy.
So then the girls are talking about it and Gina's like, camera told me that Alexis brought
up the fact that there were videos and Heather's like, I heard about it.
I heard about it.
They might've shown me, but I didn't see.
I don't see now.
Does anybody know what Reader's glasses are?
I hear you can buy them at the VCS.
And Gina's like, are we supposed to tell Shannon about these videos?
I don't know, I honestly don't want to be involved.
But like, Tamara didn't kill her NYEH?
No.
Kitty goes, these videos will ruin her life.
Which means that Gina's gonna be the one to go, I just feel bad because I heard stories
that there's these videos, Shannon, I think you should know about them.
And like, I thought I could like just get by
without telling you, but I just feel bad
that they're out there.
Yeah, Gina's really trying to perfect her.
I'm gonna bring these things on camera,
but somehow not get in trouble for them,
but she always gets in trouble for them.
But in this case, she wouldn't be bringing it on camera
because they've already been brought on camera.
And that's like, I think the shittiest thing that they do on these shows where they're like, oh, we wouldn't be bringing it on camera because they've already been brought on camera. And that's like, I think the shittiest thing
that they do on these shows where they're like,
oh, we can't talk about it,
but you are all talking about it.
They know it's gonna come up.
She just doesn't know it.
It's not fair.
Yeah, they're like, we need to save it
for Sweep Sweeks, bitch.
Do they still have that?
You know, I think they do still have Sweep Sweek,
but I don't think it has the same gravitas as it used to.
Just think about that for a moment.
The gravita.
Guys, what ever happened to the gravita of Sweeps Week?
I have a gravitas driveway.
I understand that Shannon is 100% responsible
for whatever she did on those videos,
but like, my God, that woman has children.
And you know what?
That if you release that,
it will affect those kids. And that to me is inexcusable. Oh my god, her children are out of
the house. Second of all, look, and I'm not saying they should release these videos, like I'm team
Shannon on this one, but I'm really getting sick of childless people getting thrown under the bus
constantly. And maybe it's political because this JD Vance fuck just came out and did it, but
leave us alone. You know, you know who else doesn't want incriminating videos that are going to embarrass
them and ruin their life out? Single people without children. Why is it okay to fuck us over? But
when it comes to anything, it's like, you can't do that. They have children. Well, guess what?
I have nothing. So- Yeah, Bueller.
Is that a reason to be nice to me?
I agree.
Um, I also am like, well, no, it's still not like you don't want to like, obviously with
kids you want to keep them as like, quote unquote, innocent as possible.
But again, they're all, I think 18 and older, they're actually like no longer minors.
Doesn't mean that they're therefore entitled to being traumatized by shit like this.
But if you really wanted to protect the kids,
you probably wouldn't go on reality TV in the first place.
Well,
but I think Gina's doing that thing to solidify her case of you did that to me
when I had kids. Yeah, he's still doing that this season.
So she's just like adding evidence to her own case. Um,
cause we all know that Shannon's kids are like,
if they think,
if you think Shannon's kids have not seen Shannon's behavior on those videos
12 times over, then Gina's sorely mistaken.
If she thinks,
if she thinks those kids haven't taken their own videos of their mother acting
like, I mean, do we,
are we just going to forget the time when Shannon was like wasted on FaceTime
talking about like David Bador that one time, you know, like this is like, this is nothing new.
So it was like, you know, it's just like a weird place because like part of me wanted
to be like, Oh, I want to tell Shannon that she should be aware of this.
But at the same time, I don't want it to get worse.
And I guess like this dilemma kind of like makes me feel, I don't know what's the word
for it.
Yeah.
So then we cut back to the trace of me guys. I don't know what's the word for it. Bad.
So then we cut back to the Trace Amigas and Shanice just cries.
She's like, I'm just trying to move on
and my life has hard enough with that avocale Lexus.
Run in my face.
And Tammy's like, yeah, I'm gonna touch your hair now.
I know.
And I give you kudos to even be around the Lexus.
It must be so hard.
Which is why I got a recast on this show
and I'm bringing her everywhere I possibly can.
Well, thank you for giving me kudos.
It's a delicious snack.
I love a chocolate covered granola bar,
but either way, and to have him say
that I owe him $75,000, it's just, it's disgusting.
It's disgusting.
I don't, I'm bereft.
And Tamra's like, well, where do you sit with that right now?
Well, my attorney made an offer
and he said he won't take one penny less.
Okay, Tama.
Well, can I give you some advice
that wants you to clear his name?
And she's like, I will tell the truth.
I'm a truth teller.
So what has she been saying that they're saying is such a lie
that she paid for all the stuff for him or what?
She's supposed to come out and be like,
I did not pay for everything for John Jansen. That was a lie that she paid for all the stuff for him or what? She's supposed to come out and be like, I did not pay for everything for John Jansen. That was a lie. The London
hotel just happened to pay for itself.
As far as I can tell, Shannon has been clearing his name since the moment he came onto the
show. Like the story about him getting wasted at a golf tournament. He doesn't even understand
golf. He was actually on that day, he was in Singapore.
He went to Singapore for the day.
So he couldn't even be at the golf,
I don't know what are you all talking about?
Look at his calendar.
Well, that's true.
The slander against John has all been Tamra.
It's been Tamra slandering John,
and then Shanna sticking up for John.
And then now she was bringing on Alexis to go for,
but to go for a satin.
What a mess.
Okay.
No one cares about John Jansen.
He has no name that needs to be cleared
because we wouldn't even be giving him a second thought
if he weren't trying to stick his nose into the fame pot.
Yeah.
So then Tamra's like,
it's so difficult being stuck in the middle of it, you know?
Calling Alexis, making friends with Alexis again so I can get in the middle, then bringing
Alexis back onto the show, getting her hired again, and talking to John, going out to dinner
with him and stuff. God, it's just been so hard to be put in somewhere you don't want
to be.
It's so hard being in the middle when you don't even want to be in the middle. All you
want to do is insert yourself in the middle and then you want to get out of the middle so you can complain about being in the middle. It's hard. It's hard being in the middle. When you don't even wanna be in the middle, all you wanna do is insert yourself in the middle and then you wanna get out of the middle
so you can complain about being in the middle.
It's hard.
It's hard being me, bitch.
So Shannon's like, I'm not gonna start lying right now.
I've never lied and I will not start now.
Why are you doing that?
I'm not lying.
I do not lie.
That intimates a lie and I would like to prove that I'm not lying. Could we please remove that? I'm not lying. I do not lie. That's intimate to lie and I would like to prove that I'm not lying.
Could we please remove that?
I'm not going to lie.
I never lie and I never have lied.
Just like I said that night when I decided to walk Archie in the middle of the road at
midnight.
So she's crying and Tamara's like stroking her hair and she's like, okay, but don't you
see where we are now? Because we were talking about the Trans Amigos and now we're transitioning
to John and Alexis and she's like, and Vicky's like, I want to go back to Trans Amigos.
Now listen, there's no replacement for Tamara, there's no replacement for Vicky, there's
no replacement for Shannon. And I would love the Trans Amigos, hold on, I'm crying now,
I'm crying now, look at me, I'm crying. We only take people seriously if they're crying, right? So, man, we can be a
fight. I want to buy one of those friends. I mean, I'm back. Give me a friend. I mean, I'm back.
I, by the way, this is how crafty Tamara is when she says, I mean, look at, look at this.
We were supposed to be talking about trace the megas. And now we're talking about John and Alexis
implying like Shannon just has to move forward. But it was Tamara who brought up Alexis. Tamara was the
one who said like, yeah, Trace Samigas fell apart because, well, we've been having issues
because Trace Samigas fell apart. It was because of the drinking. Oh, and also because I like
to photo of Alexis. Let's talk about Alexis a little bit. Like Tamara totally...
Why are we talking about Alexis?
Tamara's the one who brought it there. And now she's like, see, this is what always happens.
You know, you're always talking about like John and Alexis.
You know, we gotta move forward.
So now Vicky is fake crying and going,
you know, we love Trace and Mikas.
We need Trace and Mikas back.
We need it back.
We need it back.
Who's gonna fuck the Catskills this summer?
Someone's gotta do it.
Come on, bring the Trace and Mikas back.
So then Tamara, instead of just saying no
and starting another fight, is just like,
can I get a hug?
And then they all have a group hug.
And Vick is like, you just make me so bad sometimes, Tamera.
You just make me so bad.
Listen, we're all very stubborn, hot-headed girls, Batch.
And she goes, I get pulled in by these two all the time, and I'm always a disappointment.
But we don't have to talk about the past.
We can just kind of slowly move forward, batch.
The producer's like, are you gonna ever join the show?
She goes, no, thank you.
Just no me guys, batch.
Fuck those girls.
So they do the dance, the three amigos dance,
and it's, you know, I cringed.
So that was good.
I mean, they've still got it, I can say.
I cringed pretty hard, so. That's mean, they've still got it, I can say. I cringed pretty hard, so.
They've certainly not lost their talent for that.
It's the strangest little thing.
Like they've got a little variety show
that they tour small theaters in.
It's broken after like five gigs
and they're trying to get it back together
and the only thing that's really significant
about their bit is that they thrust their hips together.
Ah, got a lot of ruffles.
They reference a Martin Short, Steve Martin,
Billy Crystal movie from the eighties or whatever.
Great movie, by the way. Great movie.
Yeah. So then now everyone's like,
oh my God, look, they're reunited.
Oh, that's so cute.
And then they start accusing each other of being traitors
and laughing and stuff like that. So then Teddy comes back out, because everyone's having fun,
so that has to stop. Because they've kept Teddy separate, which I think is kind of funny, because
normally it's like, look at our guest star, it's an old housewife. And then she comes back and they
kind of talk to her at least, but not on this show. This show, they're like, okay, everybody,
here's an old, everybody, here's
an old housewife and here's why they were fired. Now put them in the back like Elizabeth
Vargas. They're like, here's Elizabeth Vargas. You can't hang out with anybody. Get into
the closet.
I know. So they released Teddy from her holding pen and she comes back out. She's like, okay,
hi, I'm Teddy. Separate into groups. There'll be a group of two, three and two. And Gina's
like, oh my God, that's my custody schedule. And
Jen was like, what's mine too, bitch?
Okay. So now they play a question and answer game. Who's the most defensive? And Shannon
votes Heather. And Jen's like, I'm sorry, but I think it's you. I think it's you, Shannon.
Shannon's like, oh, well, that's me. Oh, well, that's very, very nice of you.
Thank you.
And they all voted it was Shannon.
Me being the most defensive, that's absolutely ridiculous.
I mean, do I get into arguments with people
that sometimes leave me paralyzed?
Perhaps, yes, but I'm not defensive.
I'm your defensive.
You're the defensive one here.
Yeah, well, you know, people keep slinging bullets at me
and so I have to defend.
Boom, boom, ow!
I just got hit by ricochet.
Who has their car?
Who has their imaginary car standing in the way of my bully?
It hurt!
Hold on one second, hold on.
Oh, sorry, I have to blow into the breath, Liza,
before I get defensive.
The next question is, who is the first to throw someone
under the bus and literally everybody answers Tamara.
Who drinks the most?
It's Shannon, obviously, just got a DUI.
Who's the biggest trader?
And it's all Tamara.
And Tamara's just loving it.
She's like, yeah, that's what it is.
I'm just a tree, Tamara. Yep, tree, Tamara. If you don't like the tree, not like me,
not like me.
So the first round Jen and Shannon are immune from getting murdered.
And so now they're murdered the trader who, unlike the real traders,
we don't know who the trader is. So it's like hidden.
And the trader kills Tamara,
although we found out later that the trader actually meant to kill.
Teddy just misread the point. Yeah, exactly.
She meant to kill Vicky. Meant to kill Vicky. And then by the way, like,
you know what, if you're going to do fake traders, fine,
but at least give us some more actual traders round table where you guys are all
accusing each other of being traders.
They just sort of like went from murder to murder to murder.
I know that's the best part is the accusations and the getting defensive.
And like how do they also how do they skip that because that is how you actually would
generate arguments with this entire cast because it was turned off like well I think it's Shannon
because I don't like the way she's looking at me. Well I well do I have a twitchy eye? Yes. Is it
brought on by stress? Yes. It is it brought on by John Jansen because of this lawsuit where he's accusing me of lying? Absolutely! And because of Tamra's
friends with him? It's Tamra's fault and Tamra's the traitor right now!
You gotta walk back into that stupid fuckin' alcoholics you dumb bitch! How dare you! She
has children! I feel bad! Don't talk about her like that
cause she's got children! Well you never felt bad for me because I've got children. Why are you like that? Why are
you such a bad friend?
Why are you aggressive?
My mom.
Yeah, we just wrote it for you guys. Make an effort over that.
That's a great one.
Did you even watch Traders? Come on. So then Teddy comes out, she's like,
inside the box is someone who's going to get murdered.
Everybody. Oh, sorry. That's Emily. She's like, inside the box is somebody's gonna get
murdered. Everybody put your hand in there.
So Katie is safe. And then Gina goes in to pull out a piece of paper because they all
think there's nothing but paper in there. But it turns out there's crickets. So she
pulls out a cricket instead of a piece of paper, which is hilarious because like she got her hand
all the way in there, wrapped it around a cricket
and pulled it out.
I was like, oh my God, it's a cricket.
Did you not, could you not tell that your piece of paper
was squirming?
I know, I guess that there was just one knot
with a cricket on it, but there's a lot of crickets in there.
And I felt bad for the crickets.
I was like, what, they're getting all squished
and shit in there. What'd the crickets do?. And I felt bad for the crickets. I was like, they're getting all squished and shit in there.
What'd the crickets do?
Wow, this is so exciting.
A box full of cell phones for my staff.
Oh, real crickets, nevermind.
Listen, people who make terrible jokes all the time,
like me, need crickets.
Don't take away our crickets.
Also, how did they not hear the crickets?
We could hear them on camera.
We could literally hear the crickets on mic and they're like, oh wow, is that so funny as Teddy walks closer with that box,
you can hear more and more crickets. I wonder what's in there.
I think it's just the sound Teddy makes naturally.
Everywhere Teddy goes, you just hear the sound of crickets.
Hey everyone, there's a bunch of crickets in Gina's house right now.
Oh my God, I feel bad. They're in my blocks.
It is kind of funny that Teddy comes back to make her big splash on Housewives and literally
her prop is the sound of crickets.
So there's a murder and the murder is like, I never would have killed Tamara first.
She was my best decoy.
The only way to cover my tracks is to create confusion.
So Shannon's like, well, I guess Shannon's like talking about how she's immune. I guess
Shannon gets killed. She goes, well, you can't kill me. I'm immune. I have diplomatic immunity.
You can't kill me. Is this John Jansons doing? John Jansons is the traitor. He's the real traitor.
You cannot do this. I will fight this. I will fight this to the death.
Oh well, I guess I can stop fighting.
Uh, so let's just get through this game. Who is it? Who did it? It's Heather.
Heather did it. Heather was basically a lot of fun in games. Although at one point they have to go out to the pool to push
boats around and Teddy pushes Tamra into the pool, which was actually very cruel. And everyone's like,
oh my God, like you could see it did not land the way it was supposed to because it's cold
out. It's Teddy. It's Teddy. It's cold out and she can't pull it off. And Tamra's wearing
like a nice outfit. You know, this is like an expensive outfit that's now fully ruined.
And everyone's like, Teddy. And Tamra comes out, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
They wrap her up like ET in a towel.
So Katie's like,
well, Heather's the traitor.
What a shock.
I mean, she's amazing liar.
Does she act?
I have no idea.
Maybe that was before my time.
You just got burned.
Tamara's like, I knew Heather was the traitor.
I knew it. Traitors, you should give Heather a, I knew Heather was the traitor. I knew it.
Traders, you should give Heather a call
because she's a good traitor.
I don't do reality TV, I'm sorry.
I mean, I was on the show.
So Teddy's like, Heather, because nobody figured out
that you were the traitor, you actually won.
And Emily goes, add Trader to your IMDB.
I will, and by I will, I'll have Alfredo update the page. actually won. And Emily goes, Ed traded a IMDB.
I will. And by I will, I'll have Alfredo update this page.
So that's like the end of this. It's just a silly episode. It was like, actually, I actually really enjoyed it because it was just sort of goofy.
And then then we saw the trailer for the rest of the season,
which looks fantastic.
It's a lot of Jen and Ryan stuff and their drama,
a lot of more stuff with Alexis and Shannon.
I feel like we're now moving away from the Gina stuff.
I feel like first half was a lot of Gina issues
and it's like in the Olympics.
The first week is swimming, the second week is track and field.
We're done with our swimming.
We're done with the Gina in the pool
and now we're gonna move forward to new controversies.
All right, well, sounds good to me.
We will be here next time and have a great holiday weekend, everybody, And now we're going to move forward to new controversies. All right. Well, it sounds good to me.
We will be here next time and have a great holiday weekend, everybody who are
listening during this time, this holiday time.
And if you want to check out our secret lives of Mormon wives,
trailer trash, join up with our Patreon. Shall we do that?
And also check out our Chimp Crazy Recap.
So we're recapping that show on Macs.
So that's out.
We've got a lot of special stuff coming up, guys.
Yeah.
Thank you for being here.
We'll talk to you next time.
Bye.
Bye now.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye, bitch.
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