Watch What Crappens - #2541 Below Deck Med (S09E14): Carrie On, Baggage
Episode Date: September 3, 2024Time for a new stew on Below Deck Med! Introducing Carrie, a proficient Scottish lady who brings joy to Aesha and strikes fear in Ellie. Meanwhile, Bri reveals that she needs beads very... badly. To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that
we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today from the high seas of
the Mediterranean, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? You're muted, unfortunately. Unfortunately,
your microphone.
You're right. Hello, how are you?
How are you?
Good to see you. Good to be with you.
It's so lovely to hear your voice and see your face.
You swell.
A little bit of Bueller behind you. Let's see some Bueller. Is that Bueller? That's
Bueller. Oh, look at that Bueller butt. Bueller is a dog for people who weren't in the podcast.
He's chilling. How's it going with you? How was your Labor Day?
Labor Day weekend was so fun. I played so many board games. I really filled my cup and
I cooked a ton of food and I just, I just lazed about. I had a great time. How was yours?
It was good. I was a little under the weather, so I got shitfaced on NyQuil PM.
Jared Larkin Love it.
Pete Slauson And I just laid in bed and it was just like one
long day as I did a lot of like searching through myself because I was like mostly high on NyQuil
and in bed. And so, I did like a lot of mental searching and like, you know, trying to fix, like, childhood issues. And I looked up a lot of
mental diseases or, like, I don't know, mental issues or personality disorders, sort of like
that.
Okay. Great.
Because Jackson Vanderpump rules announced that he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
So I was like, you know what, what is that? And I just went deep into it and I was like,
how much of this is nature and how much of this is nurture? Do I have this? What do I have? What are the things
I have? So, I started coming up with all the things that are wrong with me and writing
the front end of the list. It was a clusterfuckable weekend mentally, but you know what? I came
out, I'm coughing less and I'm crying less.
And so, I think I'm okay.
Sometimes you gotta cry to cough less.
Yeah. Cry more, cough less.
I think I cried out the snot.
I cried out the issues.
You either coughed out the tears or cried out the coughs, but one thing helped the other.
But I figured whatever my disorder is, I have the perfect job for it.
So I figured whatever is wrong with me, I'm on the right path.
Truly. Now some things to tell everyone, which is that we had a fresh new recap of Real Housewives
of New York, Roni Legacy, Ultimate Girl Strip yesterday. I know that many of our Roni Legacy
recaps have just been encore presentations of the
recaps we did over like, you know, when the show initially aired on Peacock had missed
two episodes.
So the one from yesterday is a brand new fresh Crappens recap.
It is not a rerun.
And the one that we're going to do another one next week.
So make sure you didn't overlook that.
Just want to flag that for people. Just want to flag it, flag your attention as per my previous
email. The other thing I was going to mention was like something really good and I don't remember
what it was, but it was really good. And maybe it'll come back to me. Maybe it won't. We're
going to just see, we're going to live, laugh and love.
But yeah, check that out. Check out our Roni stuff. We have dwell. Hello coming up this week, which is really fun.
We were on Jeff Lewis last week. Thanks for having us, Jeff.
We had a lot of fun. So go listen to that. That episode that is up.
We had, we were just laughing a lot, a lot of discussion about Waymo.
So she had a really obsessed with those cars. He's got, we were just laughing a lot, a lot of discussion about Waymo. So check it out.
He's really obsessed with those cars. He's got,
he's got a boner for those cars. I think it's a reverse boner.
I don't think you like them. Yeah. He's got like a hate boner for those things.
He really does not like self-driving cars. Like the man really just wants to drive.
I don't, I don't know what it is, but he's, he's on one.
I feel like he's going to have,
I feel like he's going to have a Waymo car as a guest on his show
and be like, I don't like the way you drive.
And the car will just like honk at him and he'll just laugh
and he'll be like, okay, you're regular.
Yeah, we've actually got some news, but it's kind of secret.
So we're gonna wait till next week,
but we've got a really odd crossover coming up.
Yeah. It's a big one.
And it's a crossover, which means we're gonna go
on their podcast and they're gonna come on ours.
It's a weird one. You guys are going to be shocked that we're doing it.
I love it.
We'll be announcing it soon.
It's going to be hilarious.
I'm so terrified, but we're going to do it and we are going to open the floor to questions
and stuff like that to ask them Andy style so we can be shady through you. But we'll do that.
We'll announce that later this week. But for now, let's get onto Below Deck Mediterranean
as a Southwest airplane flies over the house. Hello, Southwest. Hello, boarding groups.
Hello, Southwest. Hello, airlines. Okay, so here we are, Below Deck Mediterranean, season nine, episode 14, it's called New Kid
on the Dock. I feel sorry for whoever this is, because whoever the new person is, especially
when it's a woman on Below Deck, you've got basically prisoners on this tiny little vessel
who are so horny, you're going to get sexually harassed. So have fun with your harassment,
okay? Before I even know you, I just hope that you're prepared to get harassed. So, have fun with your harassment, okay? Before I even know you,
I just hope that you're prepared to get harassed. You're going to get harassed hard, okay? Remember
back in the day during the Bill Clinton trials, they were saying harassed all the time. It's
harassed, right? Can we go back to harassed or we still say harassed?
I like harassed more. I feel like that's the best.
Harassed is like, are you talking about Harris Teeter? What's going on here?
Um...
Those, it's very, it's very Bill Clinton era coded. I feel like people are age-guessed when you say Harris,
because they were like, are you sure that she wouldn't Harris?
Harris.
How about Harris?
We do that instead.
Harris.
Can we be Harissa'd? Can we bring some culture into this?
Harissa Tome.
No, I'd like some Harissa on this. Harissa Tome. She's the Moroccan, Moroccan drag queen.
First of all, I love Bravo Casting and I'm so glad that they found Scottish Avery Singer.
I was like, here she is. She has arrived.
Avery Singer. It is. It is her. Good call.
It's totally.
It is exactly her. her. Good call. It is exactly her.
Scottish every singer.
It's Scottish every singer with a pleasant personality.
It's like there's a Scottish version of Ramona and Mario somewhere, like, we did it right.
We did it right.
Okay.
This one. Okay.
I'm sorry. It's not appropriate to go onto a boat. Okay.
So she comes first and Nathan is the first to greet her.
He's like, hello, new stewardess. And she's like, are you Scottish?
And he's like, no, I'm Irish, but I'm half Scottish. Actually.
My dad's Scottish. No one needs this. You know what I mean? Too much.
And also don't say no when actually she's like, you're like 50% Scottish, basically.
Because there's a rivalry, right?
Yeah. I guess actually when you're Scottish versus Irish, it goes like, I guess that's
more of a geographical thing. I don't know. I was like-
I feel like there's rivalries all over there because there's a lot of tears. We found out when we went
on our Irish tour with the Trauma Tour Guide, which is what I called him.
Michael.
He related everything to trauma. He related all of his tours to trauma.
And Bono.
And Bono. Yeah, but he'd be like, here's this rock. We love this rock. This rock was
almost stolen from us by the English. It took our
lands and took our children. Like literally everything we saw, he related to some trauma
and started crying.
And then you edge it. You'd hedge it. You go, but nowadays we love the English. Nowadays
we love the English.
But we're full of love.
Nowadays. And this year's, this is a bar stool that Bono once sat on. Everything was about
Bono. There was an article yesterday.
That English almost took Bono from us, put him in the back of a van, beat the crap
out of him, took our pride, took our joy, took everything we love. But we love him now.
You know, we're good. Bono's back. He's got a condo uptown.
This is eight hours of this and it never stopped. It was great.
Seriously, how many times can this man cry in one van, you know?
I don't think Uber's worked the same., you're like in a countryside with sheep. Like, you can't just call an Uber to save you. It's like,
you want to feed a horse an apple? I was like, oh my God, how's he gonna? This horse was almost
taken from him. Like, oh Jesus Christ.
He flagged this guy, flagged down a hang glider. I've never seen that happen before.
Literally did.
There was a person in the sky and he got out of the, he stopped the car, hopped out of the car and
waved his arms around like this, come on down, save me from the memories of what the English
did. I'm going to love them now, but save me from the memories. And the hang glider
came down.
So, yeah, I've just learned not to ask. So, Nathan just gives too much information and
she's like, well, nice to meet you, Carrie. So the crew's cleaning and changing over cabins
because everybody has to change rooms, you know?
So Ian's like, wait a minute.
So it's not just me moving, is it everybody moving now?
Like what's going on here as everybody moving?
Why is there a rope in my, oh, it's not a rope, sorry.
Missed all that.
It's just a bed sheet.
He's like, all these people are moving.
I guess I really need to have a nap.
It's a lot of moving.
I'm gonna nap for the next three hours.
I'll just be taking snack time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, Carey comes in and everything and Sandy's like,
hi, we are so happy to have you.
God, and I love that you do some mixology.
That's really cool.
I mean, clearly you've had experience on yachts
and you've been in it for a while. So we're just really happy to have you on board here. Do you understand
how to do basic things? Like if someone's shirt says Sandy, you put it in Sandy's closet.
That's not confusing to you, right?
Well, she's doing that thing where instead of asking things, she's just putting things
upon this girl and just being positive. You know, because
Captain Sandy is all about like positive attitudes and stuff. Like she even used to tour the
country giving like, I'm a woman in power speeches. So, I think that she's doing that
thing where she's putting positive traits on you instead of just assuming that it could
be negative just in case. So, she's like, wow, so good, you're so good at your job,
you've been doing this for such a long time. You're so good at mixology.
God, you're good at labeling clothes.
Okay, nice talking to you.
Go do it.
Go do all that stuff.
So Carrie's like, I've seen it all.
Tempax fucking throw it at that wall.
Once I was serving these hookers, by the time I walked back
out over with a drink, she was getting eaten out on the
couch in the main salon.
I saw everything but a fucking breakfast. It was gross. I was like, so wait, you were a cast member on Vanderbilt
and Brules?
I know. I thought you just got to Bravo. It's like you've worked here for... But yeah,
what a way to intro yourself. She's like, I've seen it all ten packs thrown it well.
What? I had to stop that and rewind it. I was like, what'd you say?
It's like Tempest thrown it a wall.
I said, wait, Carrie, what the fuck did you just say?
Tempest thrown it a wall, Queen?
It's like, damn girl, that's her first story.
Tempest thrown it a wall and hookers.
Maybe that's a Scottish saying.
Oh, I've seen everything, Tempest throws it a wall.
It just means like, I'll, you know, good morning.
Yeah, I'll, you know, good morning. Yeah.
So then Sandy radios Asia to meter and Nathan and Ellie are talking and Ellie's already hating this.
You know, it's like, what is her name?
Hmm.
And then, and then Nathan is like Carrie and she's. And then Joe, Joe's in his cabin and Joe's having like an existential crisis.
He goes, oh, oh, I'm not into Scottish woman.
Like, oh, what's Joe gonna do?
How is he gonna see his way out of this?
Will he ever be able to be attracted to an attractive woman
who happens to have a Scottish accent,
which is not very different from his whatever accent he has,
Liverpoolian, Spanish accent.
I know, it's not bad enough.
Like all the negative qualities
that Joe has portrayed on television so far this season,
he's gotta add xenophobia to the list.
Just keep adding on, you know, just pile on.
You mean like a fucking workhorse donkey
to pile on all the negative traits you're giving us.
And also like stop lying to yourself and us
that you're not going to immediately hit on this new woman.
Yes. And also stop assuming that anybody who comes on the boat is automatically yours just
because you're like the only fuckable one left. Well, I mean, I guess like it's below
deck. We all know that it's true.
I guess there's Ian.
It's so funny that nobody ever even considers that, you know? I mean, Ian works. I feel bad
for Ian because, like, you know, he's a chubby kid and he's a chubby adult and probably, you know,
a chubby senior citizen coming up soon. I've always just assumed that people who work out a lot have
everything handed to them on a silver platter. But now I'm just starting to see, like, Ian works out,
that's the biggest conundrum of the season. Like he works out and he gets nothing, you know?
So is it more than just working out?
Hmm, I'm going back into a reverie.
Let me drink some Nyquil, goodbye, goodbye, world.
If there's anything that we learned
in the early episodes of Big Brother this season
is that, you know, hot people have it really hard.
Yeah, it's hard for hot people too.
So Asha comes in and she's just happy, she just can tell it's someone who might be able
to do laundry.
So she's like, oh, welcome.
And Keri's like, oh, wow, you're a sweetheart.
She goes, you are, you're a sweetheart.
You're a sweetheart. She goes, you are, you're a sweetheart, you're a huge hero.
You don't even understand what you've done for me. You've come a long way, really.
Could you wipe the snot off your face? Why are you sobbing so hard?
Asha's like at the end of the longest race of her life, you know?
I'd like to thank my mother for always supporting me. It's It's like ugly crying like girl, you got a new maid.
Calm down.
Oh, can I show.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go ahead.
Have fun kids.
So then in the middle of this,
Nathan gets a text that his friend died,
which is really sad.
His friend died two days ago.
And then we go back to Aisha bringing Carrie around and showing her things.
And she's like, sorry, everything's a mess because we just started changing the cabins.
And also the other students have no idea what they're doing.
Look there's Brie ironing a ceiling fan.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah. and yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
I finished ironing a ceiling fan.
I look at you, I'm like, Oh,
Ross stop monitor's got a tech that distracted him.
I did.
There's contractors up there.
I knew, I knew it was,
I can tell when you get a construction text
cause you have a different face. Like there's one thing I get. The construction text messages are the only things that truly
take you out of it.
Well, I usually keep this on. It's so unprofessional. I have my phone turned off during the show
usually, but like my ringer, it's so unprofessional. I get it. I'm sorry, audience, but man, these
guys, you know, they need stuff. Look, what are you going to do? Okay. Okay. So she's ironing a fan
for poor fucking Brie. Man, I actually feel bad for Brie because at this point it's like,
I feel like she should know, I feel like this is the stuff going on with my mental stuff.
Like you should know by now, but you just don't understand why it's not working out,
you know? And that is very Brie, just being like, but I don't understand what is happening with it Andre. I just don't know what is happening.
Let me tell you something. I do not feel bad at all for this person. Okay. She cannot garden
gnome of a human being. This Travelocity mascot. I do not feel bad for her.
I'm sorry.
This is not a career for her.
She needs to be doing something else.
I don't know what it is.
She cannot read a label and put it in the right place.
And then she has everyone covering for her.
And honestly, I thought it was really shitty that she had a nice heart to heart with Ellie,
like two episodes ago about like, you know, fuck Joe.
And then immediately went from there to hooking up with him in the,
in the bathroom. I thought that was fucked up and that's bullshit.
And I just don't feel sorry for this girl anymore.
Well, she did hook up with him, but then immediately dump him. I mean, look,
I figure it's like when I'm like, you know what? I've had it. I'm sick of being led around the neck by calories.
I'm going on a diet after I finished this tub of ice cream.
You finished the ice cream first. What are you going to do? Throw it away?
No, no.
It's one thing to make a proclamation like that to yourself,
but it's one thing. Imagine if I said to you, Ronnie, okay Ronnie, we're gonna get through this together.
We pledge we are no longer gonna have ice cream together.
We are gonna stick through this.
We're gonna be better about our bodies
and what we put into our bodies.
And you say, yes, absolutely Ben.
I'm like, yes.
And then I go from there and have some ice cream.
I, and then I think that's bullshit.
I think that's wrong.
It'd be one thing if I make the,
if I break the promise to myself, but if you break the promise to someone else, I think that's bullshit. I think that's wrong. It'd be one thing if I make if I break the promise to myself
But if you break the promise to someone else, I think that's rude
Yeah, or at least that quickly. I just really want ice cream. So I'm really getting upset
It's an emotional day. It's an emotional day here. I'm from Glasgow, Scotland
I think I've one of the worst Scottish accents going basically. It's like Tampax against the wall
Certainly what I hear in my head,
the automatic thing is, oh well, you can drink then,
to which I'm like, I can, just not well, you know.
So. Oh, by the way,
just to issue a fresh one,
because I feel like it's warranted,
really sorry for our accents, guys.
We know they're borderline offensive.
We apologize, there's nothing we can do.
We're doing as much as we can. It's a lot to do all these pivots, okay?
It's one thing if everyone has the same accent
and we can sort of just get into that accent a little bit,
but like the, honestly, the back and forth
between Scottish, Irish, South African, LA.
And we've also got Joe's Irish, Italian,
English, Scottish, whatever the fuck is going on. There's too much.
I feel like sometimes I'm doing an offensive Indian accent and I'm like, I'm just trying to
sound Scottish, but somehow I've gone across the world. I don't know what's happening. It's
too much for my little tongue. And I know that you might be sitting there in your car being like,
well, can't you just not do terrible accents? Can't you just be normal? Well, you know, look,
if you have a kid at a restaurant and you hand that kid a menu
that they can color on and you know that they can't color, are you just going to tell them
not to color and not give them crayons? No. You give them crayons, they scribble all over
Ernie's face and Ernie just looks like a goddamn train wreck. Okay? But that's called art.
It's called art. Thank you. That's what we do here. This is a podcast about art first and foremost.
Okay. So then Aisha is showing her the cabin and Ellie's giving her hugs and Aisha's like,
she's a stew too. And she points to Bree. Is this where Bree is ironing the fan?
When is she not ironing a ceiling fan?
Breeze ironing the fan. When is she not ironing a ceiling fan? A ceiling fan? So Breeze, nice to meet you. Oh, I don't have your laundry. I'm so sorry
I lost. I haven't turned it in yet. Oh, thank God. I'm doing better now.
All right, so Carrie, this is where you'll be sleeping and this is your closet. Oh, thank you
so much. Why are there so many captain's clothes in here?
Oh, my apologies.
Hey, I can sit up in advance.
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So Joe sees her and he's like, do you want a shot of Grey Goose to soothe yourself in,
girl?
She's like, oh my God, you're going to absolutely wake me up then, aren't you? And he's like, come on,
you're Scottish. She's like, I'm never going to live this down. What is with people just piling
on the Scottish people and calling them drunks? That's not nice.
So, Brie is, she tells John, John, she goes, he sounds like Nathan, but a lot more hardcore.
And he's like, it's a lot right now.
So Joe then tells Nathan, I'm not gonna lie.
She's better than Ellie and Bree.
Oh, thanks for being your brutal honesty there.
Like, of course you were gonna say that at this point.
And so Nathan's like, he's like, really?
You've done both of them when you were drunk. So, you know And so Nathan's like, he's like, really? You've done,
you've done both of them when you were drunk. So, you know, I guess she's Scottish though. So I
don't know. Oh, I like him. Yeah, but your Joe. Yeah. He might have like no like the fan or
strained is ridiculous. Yeah. And also acting like he's on any plane to judge anybody is crazy.
acting like he's on any plane to judge anybody is crazy. So, um, Asher's like,
you're gonna be like so nice and fresh
and like these other ones.
I mean, just, I don't wanna be British.
Old, moldy, disgusting, used.
But not you, you're new, you're like a new,
not old, disgusting teddy bear
missing its eyes and an arm.
You know what I mean? Not literally, I wouldn't be mean to him if it was literally, but figuratively they're disgusting.
But yeah, you're something, man. I mean, Aisha, calm it down. My God. No wonder Ellie's like,
I cannot believe she's replacing me. Normally I'd be like, you're being a little sensitive,
but every time Aisha turns the corner and sees the new girl she's like oh my god I thought you were a drain.
Oh you've come down to save us you're like the messiah of stews.
So she's like are you good at cocktails?
Yeah I used to work in a couple bars actually.
Oh great Ellie's second, Bree's second, Brie's third.
Well, Brie's technically third, she's more like a 45th.
And I'm just gonna work you in.
And Carrie is like, well, I love laundry as well.
She's like, oh no, oh no.
Oh, oh.
Literally just came.
All right, good for you, thank you so much.
I came and cried at the same time.
I'm just leaking from everyone at this point. I just took my finger off me
Bambam, why did you say that?
So Kira is like, I think that when you go into Tempurik it's kind of nice and being an extra pure of hands
like I wouldn't mind where you put me, the third stew, fourth stew, whatever, he doesn't really bother me. And Asia's like, well, I should
probably get ready. Lovely to have you on board. Let me just add one more thing.
So then, now they're getting ready for their night out and stuff. And Joe's like, ah, you're
getting fucked tonight, huh? She's like, I thought my accent was bad, but holy shit, holy shit, your accent, I'll listen to that.
And he's like, your accent is terrible, to be honest. She's like, oh, God, your accent is
terrible, to be honest. And on top of it, you've got that creepy smile, what are you, Cabbage Patch
boy? And then they're in there. Actually, Cabbage Patch dolls don't have teeth, but he does have Cabbage Patch doll eyes
with that teeth together.
If Cabbage Patch dolls could actually open their mouths,
I think it would look like Joe's teeth.
So Ellie, they're in the crew mess,
and Ellie comes out and she's wearing these big heels,
and Carrie's like, oh my God, I love that you have those on.
We need to get you a pole, your shoes, a stripper pole,
and stripper heels. Oh, you're not just wear
Some slut slut top from slut brand they fit perfectly and slots like you
Are you sure you don't have a belt house you can collect all the singles that people have thrown at you
He got them stripper. Oh, he's like
Just met Kitty and I'll give her a pass but she's definitely not flying under my radar.
Unless we're talking about the hierarchy, in which case she's blowing on the radar.
So now everybody's loading into the taxis and Asia, Ellie and Gail and John are in one,
the others are in another. So Joe's like, just trying to get his, you know, charisma on with Carrie. He's like,
I only need to know as Nathan's with Gail, I'm your last option.
And Ian's asking, you know,
so like are you guys going to split laundry or like,
am I going to finally get a new shirt after a few weeks? And Carrie's like,
Oh, I fucking hope so. I love laundry. And Bri's like, am I gonna finally get a new shirt after a few weeks? And Carrie's like, oh, I fucking hope so, I love laundry.
And Bree's like, I'm excited to learn from you.
Oh my god.
It's been nine, we're on episode 13 or something.
We're on episode 14 and she's still
begging to learn from people.
Oh god.
Yeah.
So in the other car, Aisha is like, oh my God, I just remembered that we got a new
stew. I'm going to start solving again. I just love her. Do you think I could marry
my new stew? I'm just so in love with you. Thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you
forever.
Okay. I was like, so what's the deal? What's going to be happening with laundry?
I love that. I've never seen a whole crew this obsessed with like getting
a shirt clean, you know?
Yeah, I know. Oh, well, she's been a cheap steward and she's very good at mixology and
cocktail, so I'm just going to use her as a floater. And if I do remember correctly,
Mary Lou Hannah did say if you've got floaters, you're healthy, so it's great.
And John was like, well, can we put personal stuff back in the laundry now?
Sure. Just not fish because the laundry will die.
All right.
They literally are not even putting their clothes into the laundry because they're so afraid that Bree's going to mess it up and send it off into the abyss.
Like, is that wild?
Or can we start, can we put personal stuff back in the laundry now?
It's such a funny.
Okay.
So now they go to dinner and they're ordering drinks and Joe's still giving
Carrie shit. And he's like, uh, so do you drink so that you can get it?
You can get drunk. Is that what she said? What'd he say?
It's like you drink so that you can get it. You can get drunk? Is that what he says? What does he say?
Yeah, it's like, do you drink so that you can get drunk?
He says something like that.
And she's basically like, it's okay, I'll carry you home.
And he's like, oh, thank you.
I played the piano and the guitar.
He goes, oh, do you know,
how have you got a guitar on your board?
On board, have you?
And they're just flirting, whatever.
And Bree is like, I know that Joe's going to float
with Carrie, number three, at least I was number one.
I'm like, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if that's like braggable.
Yeah, yeah.
First to the horror show.
So Joe's like, well, I like performing
in front of the guests.
You can sing then, you can sing with me.
And she's like, you're definitely on the next level,
by the way.
And he's like,'re definitely on the next level by the way and he's like i am next level and uh so asia's like oh carrie carrie carrie get away from joe i
just wanted to tell you so i haven't told you this before let me hold your face in my hands
i'm so in love with you we're so happy you've changed my life you've changed my life
we're like so chuffed to have you here.
You know, I've joined me chatter and it's not an easy position to come into because
you have to come in and learn everything straight away and ruffle no feathers and it's a really
intense way to start in a team.
Fucking hell.
And then we have a flashback to her coming in.
I totally forgot that she was a replacement.
I think she replaced that crazy Italian lady. Yeah, I remember large like this is how I do it
but then
So I was so mad she got fired so quickly that was like my favorite accent
I was like this will be my new iconic accent and then she was gone
So of course, I had to resuscitate her any possible way I can
I'm allowed to be an icon. I'm sorry Laura's been fired
But she was the gateway to my success
April again. Goodbye, Emmy. Goodbye, Oscar. Goodbye. It was hilarious how I was going to have this accent that I was going to do all the time
and drive it into the ground for years to come.
So they're just making small talk, you know, and Asa's telling Brie that she loved her as
a roommate. And she's like, but you know, we had to work it out and Ian moving and then Johnno.
And Gail's like, so Nathan's getting checked on by Gail because his friend passed away,
but he hasn't told anybody yet.
So instead, did we mention his friend's getting his friend passed away?
We did.
We did.
Oh, that's when I was like, dude, I'm sorry, Nathan.
I'm sorry, Nathan, because that's a big thing to ignore.
But you know what?
I do ignore trauma since this is all about my personal journey today. That is a problem.
It also happened very quickly. It was a very quick thing and then they got back to the
antics of the show. So Gail can tell that something's wrong.
Do you think the producers fuck with them because haven't you noticed that it seems
like every season there's someone who gets awful news on the yacht. Yeah.
Crazy.
I'm wondering if the producers are just fucking with people and they get home and they're
like, just kidding.
Everything's fine.
We just needed some drama.
Okay.
Well, a lot of these people seem like they're kind of running from tough situations.
So it's not surprising that tough situations follow them onto the boat.
Although this is not, this is a, ultimately,
it seems like this is totally independent of that.
So my theory is a little weak, but you know, it's fun to talk about.
So now, uh, you know, he's acting like everything's fine. And then, um,
now it's time to go dancing and Asia's like, Oh,
my favorite. Do you want to go dancing? I'm really pretty good on the dance floor. She's like, Oh, Gary, my favorite. Do you want to go dancing?
I'm really pretty good on the dance floor.
She's like, what are you, like sexy dancing?
You will not catch me sexy dancing.
That's shit for boring vanilla fucks.
Oh, I love you so much.
Please, please stay with me forever.
Ace is like, we were meant to be together.
We were meant to be you and me, like peanut
butter and chili, for you and me.
And Carrie's like, we were literally, I came to save you.
And Ellie's just watching this like, Asha and Carrie seem to be getting along very quickly.
This might mean some sort of trouble for me.
I've earned my position on this boat. And if my position should be threatened
at all, I'm just not going to back down. Will I just lay here and take it? Questionable.
So everyone now goes to the club and everything. Embree is saying, she's watching Carrie and Joe
get into another taxi and she's like,
dude, not that I gave two fucks,
but I know my time is done.
And Nathan's like, no, I don't want to hear that.
You're good at your job.
She's like, I'm not talking about that.
He's like, oh, okay. Thank God,
I hate lying. I meant with Joel, it's just why does everything I touch end up disappearing.
So we are talking about your job. No.
Why do birds suddenly disappear every time I am near?
It's because you're putting them in the laundry.
So Nathan's like, oh, God, Joe, he's like a dog with two dicks.
He'll never see of the deal.
And he doesn't finish what he starts.
So it's like he likes to eat, but then he eats and then he leaves his blade on the table
and moves on to the next plate.
Because I was the starter, Eddie was the mean, and now the girl is the dessert.
Let's see if he finishes the dessert.
Oh wait, where did the dessert go?
I've lost the dessert.
Dessert?
So is he just sampling that?
You've lost your figurative dessert?
I have.
So she's basically saying that Joe has been served
an appetizer, an entree, and dessert.
Maybe he's just saving space for dessert.
I mean, the way she's putting it,
it sounds absolutely natural what he's doing, you know?
I mean, who does that?
They go from appetizer to main entree to dessert.
Who has a question for me?
Yeah, what do you want him to commit
and just sit with an appetizer all night?
You'll never turn the table.
I don't know.
You need to think this one through.
He didn't finish his appetizer
before he went on to the entree.
But then to be fair, maybe Johnno was cooking.
Maybe there was like, Ozempic.
Don't judge people.
Don't judge us on our journeys.
Ocean control.
It's OK to leave stuff over.
It's not nice ecologically and environmentally,
but for the body, it's OK to leave things over.
Yeah, so Carrie and Joe are dancing.
She seems like she's trying to friend zone him, you know?
I mean, at least with the dancing she's showing him, because it's very like box Steppi kind of dancing. She seems like she's trying to friend zone him, you know, I mean, at least with the dancing she's showing him,
cause it's very like box Steppi kind of dancing.
It's like Scottish.
She's like, she's teaching them Scottish dancing, right?
She's like, I'll teach you some Scottish dancing.
Go and get them, get them, go and get them, get them,
go yeet.
That's from Brigadoon everyone.
Thank you, thank you.
My Scottish music.
I should have known. So she's like, my friends back home will tell you I'm a threat, I'm a that's from Brigadoon everyone. Thank you. Thank you. My Scottish music. I should have known.
My friends back home will tell you I'm a flute. I'm a pedagogical flute,
but I think my friendliness sometimes comes off as flirting.
A guy that I worked with sent me this little care package, a care package.
Can you imagine? I guess I was flirting with him.
You really know you flirt with someone when you get something in the mail.
There's this care on it. What is this? Some peanut butter, some crackers and a hair tie. He had it bad that one. He had it real
bad. There were a couple of empty jars. What am I going to do with that fucking care package?
The weirdest part is that the care package also included Captain Sandy's clothes. Oh,
that is where they are.
I meant to send that care package to my mom.
I love that that's her big story. She's like, wow, guess I really flirted hard, too hard on my last boat, got a care package.
I would flirt with every one of them and I got little care packages. I like a care package.
So funny, you really had that guy's dick in a tizzy. Such a care package. That's funny. You really had that guy's dick in a tizzy. It's a care package.
Fuck yeah.
So then she's like, yeah, she's like saying that she's just kind of like, okay, here's
a friendly hug care package guy.
So then Nathan's just getting shit faced for the pain.
And then he finally tells Gayle what's going on and he tells us, oh no, he doesn't tell Gail,
he's telling us.
So he's telling us that he got a text telling him
that his friend passed away from cancer
and that he knew he had cancer,
but it just seemed like he was gonna be okay.
Oh, fucking hate, fuck you cancer.
I know.
I hate cancer.
Terrible.
It's like these stories always make me petrified.
So it's terrible. Nathan and his poor friend passed away,
but he's keeping it on the inside.
So everyone gets into the bands
and Nathan is definitely like a little surly
and he's, because he's holding it on the inside
and he's like, he's saying how he just wants to relax
and Gail says something and he's like, shut the fuck up.
And then, you know, Aisha's like,
Oh hell no. You know, she's like that. Yeah. She's like, no, and you know, Aisha jumps into her
protective mode, which we've seen on this show. And Gail's basically like, no, no, it's fine. It's
fine. It's okay. It's fine. It's my fault. And Aisha crawls into the backseat. Like this is where
Aisha is so good is that she, like you said, protective mode, she just jumps right in and she cuddles up on her and just like reassures her.
It's basically like, no, you don't talk to Gail that way.
Yeah.
And Mason's just like, you're giving me too much of that kind of deal.
She's like, sorry.
And she's like, no, don't you apologize.
Don't you dare apologize.
How could you be so sad?
We literally had someone save our lives.
Can I get a round of applause for Carrie?
Just come on everybody." And so, Brie, back in the other car, Brie is like,
you know, before all this, Ellie and I had a little drama carriages.
Yeah, it's called Jordan. It's called Jordan. You know, fix it up. Not too good. You don't want
to be getting mail with jars in it. That's a little bit creepy.
Cap brought us, called us into the bridge. she was like, you girls are too sort of
thought because otherwise both of you are egoic. So we've been doing that ever
since and it has gotten so much better. Except for, you know, when I said I won't
sleep with Joe anymore and then I slept with him right away. But don't tell her
please, please. So then? But he's sleep. If you're sleeping,
standing up, is it really sleep?
So Nathan is, is like having a reaction. And so Asia's asking if he's okay. And Gail, Gail's
like, sort of, they sort of like rearranging Gail basis, like what's going on. And then he
finds
this Asia's come to sit in between them and Gail's like, no, no, I want to talk to
him. So she crawls back over Asha. And so Nathan tells her that his friend passed away.
And I see why he might've wanted to hold that news for a bit, because he tells her and then immediately, ah!
Oh no!
So he's crying, it's very sad, and then he's saying he has to talk to his mom.
And so they arrive at the dock,
and then Nathan and Gail walk off to a corner to talk,
and they are talking and crying.
And Asha goes into Joe's's cabin and she's like,
Joe, you really need to support your friend tonight. He's like, why? What's going on?
His friend died of cancer. So he's like, oh shit. And you know, he's like bummed because he was
going to plan to hit on the carry tonight and now he can't because he has to be like a good friend.
So then, sorry, I didn't know that was the end. So, just leave me hanging here.
Just leave me hanging. I was waiting. I was waiting for an end, but I didn't know that that
was it. That was the end. So then, so Nathan talks about how his mom was going through cancer tests,
but she thankfully was cleared and how he's, you know, he never talks about his feelings and his emotions and that's the
thing they do in his family, which is just let things go and never talk about anything
and never express themselves. And I have to say, he does a good job, I think, on the show
of expressing himself and his emotions. So, good for you. Break the cycle, buddy. You
seem to be breaking it very well. So then Joe checks in. He's broken the cycle of like, dickish deckhands. I mean, I've been waiting for the other shoe to
fall with this guy. And I'm like, I think he's a competent, good guy. Is this possible on Below
Deck? I never trusted. I never trusted on this show. I never fucking trusted. And also, I need
to get to a second season because
you know, there's like that guy, what's his name, Asher? What's his name, Ashton? Ashton.
It was a guy who was like a hero and then he just got another season and just became a fucking
monster. Oh my God. The guy almost got his leg taken off or whatever. So anyway, Joe tries to
comfort him, but he's not really very comforting, you know, because
he's like, you know, my friend died. He's like, how are you? He's like, you know, it's
just, how does this happen? And he's like, it's life. It's a little journey called life.
And then just shit happens. Okay. Well, you know, we all deal with it the same way. I
would be like, this is my friend Ben, this is my other friend Jerry, let's get into bed
and cry about it. Okay. Let's both just put our backs towards each other and face a wall and sob while we eat ice cream.
Can't believe you didn't invite Jenny to that party. So then Joe's like, mate, I caught your back. I've got your back. I'll see you tomorrow. Well, I've got your back. But for right now, I'm going to go try to bang the Scottish girl. Oh, God, I can't deal with Scottish women. I don't know what what I'm gonna do. I think I'm the one who's really going through something right now.
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So then we go, it's the next morning. People are waking up and Gail is seeing a different side to Nathan and
and that like she's seen a sensitive spot to him and
you know, and she wants to be there for him because he was there for her
when she was having a hard time with his ex.
I was like, yes.
And he was part of the reason
why you're also having a hard time with your ex.
But that's fine.
That's either way.
So she crawls into bed with him
and they hug and cuddle and everything.
And she consoles him.
So then Aisha has an interior meeting and splits everybody up on shifts and she keeps
them kind of the same way, but she says that she wants to keep Kerry on service to see
what she can do, which raises Ellie's hackles. And so Aisha's like, well, Kerry outranks
Ellie and bringing her experience, but I don't want to upset anyone so she's just a floater
literally floating up to heaven like the Messiah because god she saved humanity
I'm sorry I'm gonna cry again I'm gonna cry again
Carrie can you call about I'm sorry Ellie can you call about Carrie as your body this morning to
help her find where everything is I'm so jealous that you got Carrie as your body. Oh, what a dream.
So Ellie's kind of showing her around and stuff and she's like, this is how we do pillow.
The back pillow is flat and the front pillow is at an angle like that. I think it's more
like where are things, not how to put a fucking pillow on a bed.
Yeah.
And then Sandy's, okay, all right.
Hey, John, Ian and Aisha,
it's time for a preference sheet meeting, okay?
Everyone come on down.
And then meanwhile, Elio's still like showing Carrie around
and she's like, a floater on the bow
in a fourth stoop position and
seconds to I'm more than happy to help her find her way around the boat because
we're in hierarchy for a reason so just play it all she's obsessed with hierarchy
I am seconds to I did everything to do for these two and now you will come in
here and you will be forced to and you should not even look me in the eye I am
any hierarchy hashtag hierarchy if this girl doesn't follow hierarchy, it will be,
Bye, Archie!
Goodbye, Archie!
So then Sandy's like, okay guys, here we go, charter number eight.
So Murphy and Beth Lassell from Dayton, Ohio, they're going to be a barrel of monkeys.
They're going to be a bundle of joy, these guys, okay?
They're going to be joined by three other married couples, and they're all celebrating their 15-year anniversary. All of
them at the same time, 15 years. Wow, what a coincidence. Does anybody suspect that these
three couples might be trying to get a free flan? Anybody?
Pete Now, as we all know, Murphy has put in many years broadcasting for FYI news and she's
never found a good secretary, but she's hoping that someday she will and hopefully her house
will be done being painted soon.
Wait, do we have the right Murphy here?
I think I got the wrong one.
I'll tell you what, some people don't like her, but she's very generous if you are a
out of work contractor.
Okay. It keeps you taken care of. her, but she's very generous if you are a out of work contractor.
To keep you taken care of. She's a single mom and she really bothered the vice president one time, but you know what? She does great work. She upset the unquail so bad that he forgot how to spell
potato. Okay, that was a rough one. So anyway, they are paying a lot. So if they are trying
to lie and get free flan at the end of their trip, you know what? We're going to give it
to them because we're good people. Okay. So Aisha, what are you reading? Aisha's like,
for arrival they want Uzu cocktails. That's so nice. All I wanted was another stew and
I got it. I'm so grateful.
Oh God. All right, everyone. So just prepare. I just want to let the whole crew know we will be serving Uzu cocktails,
which means that we are going to provide some free ear,
ear plugs for when Aisha winds up saying Uzu.
What? I can say Uzu normally.
But I can say, oh, jeez, normally.
So this group wants wacky water game challenges with a yacht crew.
Oh, go fuck off.
Fuck off with this.
Please, stop with these.
Go drown, go off that slide and drown in the water.
Why are you doing this to us?
Well, they're also requesting certain toys
like a pirate tower.
Oh my God, we better get an inflatable tower on day two.
Okay.
And John was like, and for lunch, they want tapas or small plates instead of full meals.
I love that actually.
Also for day two, I just want to point out that we will be, we're going to be hitting
the gas on this yacht going faster than we ever got. Because if we have a pirate tire behind us,
you know, I gotta outrace it.
So just be prepared everyone.
I'm gonna outrace those pirates.
And Jono's like, and also there's a possible
shellfish allergy.
Mm-mm, uh-oh.
And she's like, oh Jono, let me give you some advice.
Remember that, shellfish allergy.
We got that?
Okay, we got that.
We're gonna try killing someone this time
Okay, remember that John remember it. Yes. Remember it big test. Don't forget about shellfish
So Sandy's like the last charter was a huge oversight and Jonathan's part
There's no chef out there to replace Jonathan not in the entire world. So I'm stuck with him
However, he knows there's no room for error and I trust that he will not make the entire world. So I'm stuck with him. However, he knows there's no room for error.
And I trust that he will not make the same mistake again." I'm like, really? Because we've seen that
deconstructed chocolate cake come up in a bunch of different forms all season long.
Yeah, he's going to make the mistake again. He is definitely going to make the mistake again.
Also, I heard that Jonna was on the after show blaming Aisha for not dealing
with the plate being put in front of that lady better. It's like, wow, way to take responsibility, which means that it will be happening again
and again, because people like that, you know, that's what happens.
It wasn't like-
You can't even be like, I fucked it up, the end of it. Like if you're still going to try
and put some blame on somebody, it's probably going to happen.
It's not like there was a non-raw option that went to the wrong person. They were all raw. Right. Right.
And Asia even said herself, like she should have been on top of that. She should have flagged that.
But she was so busy with Brie that it's like honestly, someone almost died because of Brie.
I'm going to say that right now. So, okay.
Someone almost died because of Brie?
Well, because Asia was so busy dealing with like picking up the slack of Brie.
Oh, but yes, yes, yes.
I see what you mean.
So then basically,
she tells us, yeah, there's no one to replace him.
Now look, could we find another chef?
Sure.
Could we find another chef architect?
No.
And you know what?
It turns out that he was bad at both,
because guess what?
He couldn't even fix the leak. Okay?
Yeah, this boat almost killed somebody and almost died last week itself because it almost leaked to death. You know what?
Unfortunately, we didn't have a decent chef or a decent architect on board. Boo. Boo to both.
Isha, can I ask you something?
I wanted to use these last couple of chapters to learn anything else regarding the chief's
two position because I want to go home and find a small boat and row myself in the chief's
two's roll.
Hmm, oh, well, um, have you seen the new girl Carrie?
I would try to be exactly like her because she's fucking amazing.
She's like fireworks going off 24 hours a day. They never
get old. But otherwise, I think you're doing pretty much all you can do to be mediocre.
I guess you should just keep doing that. All right, Mediocre Manny? By the way, could you do me a favor?
Tell Kiri, our lover, find her, hug her, and say, this is from Aisha.
Yeah, Aisha was like, no, you're just keep getting more experience. This is Aisha's way of saying, I'm not going to take you under my wing.
You have not improved the way that you were supposed to have improved.
It's too late.
You're hopeless now.
And this was also Ellie's way of reminding her like, oh, I'm basically a few feet away.
I'm a few notches below where you are.
And I just want to remind you that now that there's a new, on the few notches below where you are. And I just want to remind you
that now that there's a new girl on the boat.
I think she just also wants reassurance, right? Because she's feeling insecure that she's
brought in this new girl. So, both the other girls think they're about to get fired. So,
she's just like, so I just want to make sure I am still on track to be Chief Stu, right?
And Aisha instead of being like, you're so great, you could totally be Deuce, too, any second.
She's like, keep trying, keep trying.
You know, it's like when little kids try to get on a roller coaster and they're striving
to be as tall as that line and they're just not there and there's nothing they can do
about it, there's nothing you can do about it, you just say, grow more, grow more and
try again another day. By the way,
could you look behind you and send Kieri forward? She's definitely tall enough for this ride.
Kieri, get over here. You know what ride you're tall enough for? Hugs, the hog ride. Get over here,
you miraculous life-seeker. Kieri, I'm putting up one wing and I want you to get right on under it. Okay?
Go take out the trash so yeah, so she's like, okay
So she leaves but she does not leave reassured for sure
Meanwhile outside Joe is pestering Gail still punishing her for
Daring to say that he is treating the women poorly. So he's like, oh Gail, you missed up a little bit. Oh God. Oh look, the doors.
Oh, I hate that. I hate those long strokes. Do small ones like this. And she's like, oh
wow, so much better. So she's basically like, I feel like Joe is being passive aggressive
to me. Like, I don't know if he's trying to prove himself as a lead deckhand, but I really don't think this is the best way to do it. You know, like,
you know what you're doing. You know what I'm doing. It's like very nitpicky micromanagement.
Like, what's your game? What are you playing at?
Yeah. So then charter's coming, charter's coming. And Carrie has picked up some toiletries
and then Nathan is talking to Gail about how sweet each other
are. And then Kerry's talking about how fast she works. And she's like, sometimes I have
to remind myself to slow down. I would just never want to fail at my job. I'd think that's
a reputation I want to uphold. I just always work hard. You throw a 10-pack set at me,
I'll catch it in my hand before I even know it's in the air.
Meanwhile, Cutter Breeze spending a minute folding a shirt in half.
Okay, sleeve to sleeve, here they come.
Okay, they are arriving.
Oh, getting so close now.
Oh, half a fold.
Okay.
Speaking of, Joe is like, it's so vile, I just don't know what I'm going to wear.
Where's Bree?
I've only got one pair of pants, so these must be yours, Joe.
These must be yours, Nathan. I'm getting very annoyed. I one pair of pants so these must be yours Joe, uh, these must be yours Nathan.
I'm getting very annoyed. I'm holding my tongue so you don't get fired, but what are you fucking doing down there girl?
God!
So, um, then basically Joe goes up to Asia and he's like, Asia, I don't want to say it to Bree anymore,
but I'm on one polo and I can't survive and there's a disgusting Scottish girl on board that
I definitely don't want to hook up with So I need to be in a cleaner shirt
And he's like,
"'Uh, this smells nice."
And then she goes,
"'I used nice detergent this time.
Is it good, softener?'
She's like,
"'Good stuff.'
Like, oh my God, now she's looking for like compliments from Carrie about,
what were you using before?'
Before, I would stock things in body odor and then spit on it and use that but... I had no idea the crew was covering up for Brie because she's on her last legs.
That just makes me want to explode. We went through a burn book.
I had to separate the jobs and the laundry and the band of the Brie because she swore
that it wasn't her making the mistakes. It was Brie. It it was Bri all along it's like it's just too late and the season
even come down on her i mean it wouldn't do me any favors i would just make her cry that
she'd crumble and i'd be down to three so i just really want to finish with full stews that's all
yeah so she basically confronts Bri and was like yeah, yeah, so found Joe's pole, hang up
in Ian's room and like, she's like, you see why this is such a frustrating position for
me because I could have fired you and I didn't and I'm stuck with you and no one has their
clothes and I know you've worked hard, quote unquote, but you're no hashtag Carrie.
Oh, the best, I love, God, listen, Carrie, the best. I love guys and Kerry the best.
I love how she's like, I'm going to take care of this once and for all.
Listen here, you do this one more time.
I'm going to hug you so hard.
You can have hand prints on your spine.
You get it?
You get it, girl.
So then Sandy and Asha are talking.
She's like, Asha, what's going on?
She's like, nothing much.
Joe came in this morning and he said, please, I've got no uniform.
I mean, people haven't been telling me that they're protecting her, you know?
And she's like, oh gosh, what do you think they're doing that?
She's like, I don't know, but I looked on the pants and clearly it says Joe and it's
hanging up on Ian's cupboard.
I just don't know what to do.
The girl can't read a name. Well, I mean, if no one tells us, how do we know? Like, just don't know what to do! The girl can't read a name!
Well I mean if no one tells us how do we know? Like I don't know! Okay you know what? Leave it with me.
I'll deal with it. Okay. Hashtag motivation coming up soon. You know what? I love that the crew likes
to have each other's back like but we need to know the information in order to correct it. But god!
What a great crew of molded that they want to cover for the failing one. That's what you call a team.
Listen, if we don't have information on what's going on, we can't not fix it
purposely to get more drama like that league for the past 10 weeks.
If we don't know what's going on, we can't fix it.
That's why Norma's love life is so bad.
We never hear anything about it.
it. That's why Norma's love life is so bad. We never hear anything about it.
So, Joe is still being passive aggressive with Gail. He's like, Gail, will you do the pass route with this please? She's like, yes, sir. And he goes, and then I'll come down and mop it.
Where's my shirt? Oh my gosh, that was there with my underwear. And she's like, but I put them
in here. Let me look at the washer dryer thingy.
She goes, why are you moving my clothes? They were just right over there.
But I didn't know.
Okay, I'm going to tell you this. You're still fucking up with the laundry.
What is it? What do you think it is? Do you think if we did a CT scan,
your brain would be 60% smaller than the average human's?
Why do you think you can't do laundry?
I feel like this system isn't working for me.
Okay, but whatever you need to do your job is what you ask for.
Okay, but maybe like little clip on beads
because everyone has color.
And then if everyone has color, I can say that color goes to that color.
Maybe like that.
Okay, so if color works better for you, then writing will just do the color.
So just, you know, get your head in the game, okay?
And out of Joe's crotch, get it?
I know that much.
Okay, we've got two chatters left.
I'm gonna get you what you need, some little feeds.
And we see, at some point, I don't know if it's right now,
but we see that she, this is why I can't hate Brie, because we see that some point, I don't know if it's right now, but we see that she, this
is why I can't hate Brie because we see that she's like,
Brie Larson Reddit. Hello, I'm on Reddit for Stoos. I have very important question. How
do I, what is best laundry system?
And people are like, use the color beads. So she's trying, she's looking on Reddit.
I know, but you know what's gonna happen is she's gonna get the color beads
and then she's gonna be like,
oh, so the thing is it's hard for me to remember
which color goes with which person.
It's like, well, it says on the wall, blue goes with Joe.
Oh, I know, but it is so hard to read.
It's just gonna be one thing after another. Oh, unfortunately I'm colorblind.
All of it is gray.
Why didn't you tell me you were colorblind?
I didn't know.
Is it possible?
Well, didn't you notice that you were wearing different colors this whole time?
I thought everything was in color.
Is it possible to paint people's cap and so that way I know blue shot goes with blue cap
and blue bead blue cap and green bead cap and come and do that.
Well, I guess if she needs that, okay, we're going to repaint the yacht.
Well, I realized I was colorblind, so I was wondering if we could switch to smell system
and we could just make everybody's clothes smell different.
I was wondering could we make it one size fits all so that we everyone's clothes is
everyone's clothes?
In previous yachting group I was on, someone promoting the group said if your stewardess
need help join this group.
So I asked for advice.
I probably should have asked for the color
sooner but I was afraid to ask. But now I did. And now I will learn colors.
They're like Bible fucking get your beads from Michael's of Athens. Happy Labby-opa. Michaelopas.
All right, everyone.
Okay, guests are arriving.
Change into whites, pause for laughter.
No one has any whites anymore.
Okay, whatever rags you can find around the boat,
change into them because everything else is lost.
So then,
Gary's asking Ellie if they put sugar on the table for tea and stuff like that, or if they ask if they just want it sweetened.
And I was like, you can ask!
And she's like, sorry, I've got so many random questions.
Asia, Asia, where do you like me?
It's so random, I'm so sorry about that.
Well they are random questions, it's hard to believe that you'd be considered to be
second to anywhere because you do not respect the hierarchy and you ask stupid questions
about sweet nerves.
So then, um, now the deck team is preparing to leave for their destination.
Dun dun dun dun dun.
So someone asked Carrie where she's from and she's like, uh, Glasgow, Scotland, hence
the terrible accent.
And they're like, oh, I love that. I love Scott. If you can't understand me,
just let me know. I'll slow down. Just kidding. I won't slow down.
I really can't slow down. It's in my blood. It's in my blood. Not to slow down.
Oh, is that, is that a care package you just gave me? Yeah, I couldn't help it.
I just heard that accent. I was like, I got to give this girl a care package.
This is our respect for you. So then, she's like,
Carrie's new isn't she beautiful? Does everybody want
let's play a game everybody go around the table until Carrie
up something miraculous about herself.
something miraculous about herself. And now it's time to dock or yeah, they're going to dock or they haven't docked. Something's happening on the deck with Ian. So Aisha meanwhile is radioing
about doing lunch and John was like, girl, I'm very grateful I haven't been fired. But when you're on
a yacht trip and on a busy boat like this, you have no choice but to keep moving.
My mom had a tough life, you know,
raising two brothers by herself, having her own businesses.
She taught me these types of lessons.
You get a bad review or something
and you thank them for their critique and you move on.
That's it.
I was like, okay, sure.
Wedging some biographical information randomly
in the late in the season about his mom.
Listen, you get a bad review, you just say,
thank you, and you give them a thank you present, which is raw fish and hope they die. That's it.
And then you change your career. Yeah. So then Ian's like, lines are coming
aboard Sandy. She goes, are all lines free? Are all lines, are all lines free? Hello,
can anybody hear me? Can anybody? And Gail's like, no, they're not free yet, Sandy.
Well, how many lines do we have left, okay?
Whose line is it anyway?
My gosh.
Can anyone hear me out there?
I feel like I'm speaking to the void.
Hello, hello, hello, hello?
Is it me you're looking for?
Come on, someone help me out here.
And Sandy's like, we're on the second to last charter
and Ian needs to know exactly where his crew needs to be
and we should be able to undock with our eyes closed.
Although I don't recommend doing that
because then you just Captain Glenn it up
if you know what I'm saying.
Ian, Ian, you need to keep your hands off the lines.
Let your team take the lines off
because I need you talking to me, Ian.
You're not talking to me.
He's like, copy, our lines are fucked.
Drop the line, drop the line.
Ian, you need to communicate.
Copy.
But that was good communication.
Okay, you know what?
That was good.
Cause you heard me.
I mean, that was good.
Cut you, you're really doing a great job.
Gold star for you, Ian.
Captain Sandy, I'd like to communicate something to you.
Yeah, what is it?
I think I'm gonna go down for a few hours for a nap.
All right, well, at least he communicated.
It's one of my favorite things in life, for a nap. All right, well, at least he communicated.
It's one of my favorite things in life, her naps. Yeah, that's pretty good.
You're winning with me today, Ian, go ahead.
So Aisha's like, Ellie, oh, I didn't say come,
I just said stand back, because she's serving lunch.
And she's like, no, no, not lunch yet, not lunch yet.
Jono, Jono, I'm not ready yet,
there's glass flowing everywhere.
It's windy, glasses are falling over,
glasses breaking on the table.
Excuse me, glass breaking on the table.
She's trying to clean it up
and the food is supposed to go up,
but they're all delayed because of this.
So Asia's telling everyone like, stand back, stand back.
And Carrie goes back down to Jono and she's like,
well, I didn't know I was just following Ellie.
I'm just a flutter.
And he's like, oh, don't worry, honey.
Bloop.
You know, this dysfunction's bad.
The food's going to be cold when it gets there.
And at the end of the day,
it's my head that's gonna be on the chopping block
and send his office when the guest complain
about something that's cold.
So I hope they figure that shit out.
But this is not dysfunction.
This is like broken glass on the table
because of the wind and it needs to be
cleaned up.
And that the dysfunction is serving raw fish to someone who's alerted to raw
fish and then serving a cookie on top of a cake within the scoop of ice cream on
top.
Yeah. And it's also lunch. Like how much like really hot stuff is there?
I don't know. Just be, just do, just do it. You know, you wouldn't be,
your head wouldn't be on the chopping block if you hadn't fucked up so much already.
So then the guest keeps making this joke. He's like, wow, the views in Ohio are almost this good,
right? Because at first he's like, how do you like it? And he's like, oh, wow, it looks just like
Ohio here. He's really just shitting all over Ohio, this guy. And Asia's like, oh here's some melanin prosciutto, I'm glad this got served before it got cold.
Then it's time to drop anchor and stuff and Carrie goes up to Ellie and is like, just so you know,
I put a spare water here instead of that other fridge and Ellie's like, oh, but the only thing is that with this fridge
you just need to close it like this.
Oh, I know it doesn't work out, but I just just that once you're finished, like we can swap that water out.
No, I understand, you stupid fucking floater.
She goes, oh yes, sorry.
No, I'm just saying that this fridge doesn't close properly
and then it starts to leak.
It's like a very tense discussion about,
it's like a tense discussion about where to put the water
into what fridge, but it's really kind of like
Ellie marking her territory.
Well, water discussions have gotten pretty crazy on this show. Remember the season with
the girl from Homeland and the other girl that kept fighting about like stock the waters in the
fridge. She's like, she's torturing me. She's just like torturing me. She's like, oh my God,
you didn't even finish stocking the water in the fridge.
You remember that?
The girl from the homeland.
Claire Danes.
I was like, did I mention about like,
Marenika Balagun?
I was like, no.
No, the season with Claire Danes and.
Where she was probably her favorite thing.
Yeah, she was like this nightmare stew.
I remember the guy was trying to date her
and was like, I'm gonna call Witzer Bun buttons the next season. And she was like friend zone,
friend zoning him on camera. He was Scott.
Down below deck. I could never remember everybody's name.
Another Scottish person. Yeah. Kyle. His name was Kyle. Good Kyle. So Sandy, I'm like, remember
when that happened, that was literally the season that aired right before this episode,
before the season. I'm like, remember so many years ago when there was Barbie?
She had issues. So all right, everyone. I'm going to slow down here so we can anchor. We're going
to anchor. So we're going to put three shackles in, drop the anchor everyone. So they're dropping
the anchor. But where's Ian? Ian's missing. And Joe's like, where the hell is Ian? Gail, do you want to free the jet skis? She's like,
I don't mind whatever you prefer. I'm easy.
Ellie, do you want to go on your break? So she sends her on the break. And then Joe is like,
Gail, I was going to put that carabiner with the blue jet ski. She's like, well,
what do you think I was doing? He's like, I don't know. I'm just telling you. She's like, well, I was thinking of moving that down and putting
the biscuit in between. He's like, Oh God, with Gale. Anything I say, unfortunately,
is like an attack. I'm the lead deckhand. I'm the lead deckhand man. So she's got to
get used to it.
It's like, Oh my God, you were the lead deckhand only because Ian bowed to your hotness.
Yeah.
And it's like that guy's the hottest one and therefore the most alpha.
And I will just give it to him,
even though he clearly doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.
Yeah.
So then there's some costumes that are happening
and Aisha's trying on a costume and she's like,
do you like it?
And the guest says, you know,
I'll go with that looks really good.
And later tonight it'll become a Merkin.
And she's like, what's a Merkin?
Is it like a pubic?
It's like, yeah, it'skin? Is it like a pubic?
It's like, yeah, it's a pubic. See a lot of them in Ohio.
So then Jono is checking in with Brie
about what's going on.
She's like, I had a whack morning.
Because of laundry?
Yeah, but it's just like stupid dumb mistakes.
I'm like one of the biggest babies
and you know, maybe I'm one of the biggest babies captain in Asia I've ever met in their
entire lives, but the beads, the beads has to work. I appreciate the second chance, fourth
chance, the fifth chance, the search. Please Pete, work for me. Pete's voice. Please buy a dress.
Please.
Please.
So the guests are playing with other toys and Carrie is checking in on Brie and that's nice. And Brie is like,
I think that Carrie has had quite a bit of experience
on that belt. So I'm just happy to have her around to get some extra help. And maybe she
can show me a thing or two down in the laundry. Like, how do you put beads on shirts?
So then down in the mess, the deckies are eating and there's a little tension with Joe
and Gail. So she's like,
what's going on? He said we were going to pack up. So he told me to get my polo and
Joe's like, shit, am I going in the water? And Gail says, but you did offer. And he's
like, well, I'll change then. Don't worry Gail. She goes, okay, well, I don't have any dry
wets. And he goes, you're a princess. And she goes, you're a prick. And it's just like,
dun, dun, dun.
And he's like, well, at least we both know where we stuns. And he's like well at least we both know where we
stands and Nathan's like oh she's gonna kill you bro. She's like oh you know it.
She's like no I'm chill. But she's like visibly furious and then she basically
leaves, goes to her room and he's like I can't be asked for this shit is there any
reason to cry and Nathan's like yeah you pissed her off and Gail's basically saying how she's like, I'm no princess.
I don't see Joe doing this to anyone else.
And he hasn't done it to me previously.
My only theory is that the closer that Nathan gets to me, the more bitchy Joe gets to me.
And he's trying to get a reaction out of me.
And I'll give you one and then I'll give you nothing.
Yeah, I think that it's also because you called him out on the girls, so he's very like,
a girl told me something. So, Asha is telling Ellie, isn't it nice that we're still on top
of things now? And Ellie's like, can I just ask? Carrie was on service today only for training,
right? And she's like, well, because when she came on I said I need
to see where you're at make sure that you're much better than everyone else as I suspect you are so
that I could possibly fire every I mean you're doing great. Ellie could you just move to the left
you're sort of standing on the rose petals I put down for Carrie. Oh my God, Brie, Ellie, do you want to see me smile?
Yes.
All right, say your name is Kerry
and that you're here to save me.
Do it, let's role play.
I am Kerry and I am here to save you.
Oh my God, you're a miracle.
You know, I feel kind of like a third wheel.
So I was like, how is this going to go for
rest of season?
And she's like, well, but you were here too, you were working here as well with me.
But as third wheel, much like my car growing up, only three wheels.
Oh yes, but I did use her on service a lot today because I just want to see what she
knows, which is quite a bit because she's so great. God, don't you love Carrie?
Well, I just want to make sure I'm not being demoted.
Oh, no, no, no. I just want you to know you were up here and now you're going to be right down here. Really? I don't even want to speak to you by name anymore.
That's how much I respect you. I just want to say, hey, you possibly throw a rag at your head and then have you maybe sweet something up. Is that going to
work for you?
No, at the end of the day, you're absolutely not going to be demoted, you know, because
you're going to be promoted to a lower position. That's all. And at the end of the day, that's
also my call. So, you know, shut the fuck up. And so I'll put you where I see fit, which is everywhere.
Cause she's great.
And that gets Ellie that tells Ellie all she wants to know when he's just like,
but it's my call. So if I do want to promote her, I'll promote her.
And she's like, Oh, now I see.
Why are you making those noises?
Yes, you are. noises? I'm not. Yes you are.
No I'm not. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo going lower into the boat but since we're upside down it's actually higher into the boat so congratulations!"
And she tells us,
Well I understand why Ellie might be feeling insecure.
Because she's bullshit and she'll probably get fired if she fucks with me one more time.
But I'm here to worry about how much I love my new saviour, sister and girlfriend, Gary,
and not about my second stuze feelings. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm That was a chimp crampy. Chimp crazy. Chimp sure is crampy.
Wow, that chimp is very crampy.
Crampy chimp.
Chimp crazy coming up,
so keep your ears and eyes out for that recap
and we'll catch you on the next episode.
Bye everyone.
Bye.
Bye.
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I'm Dan Tuberski. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy,
New York.
I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad.
I'm like, stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't.
A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms and spreading fast.
It's like doubling and tripling
and it's all these girls.
With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down low.
Everybody thought I was holding something back.
Well, you were holding something back intentionally.
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.
No, it's hysteria.
It's all in your head.
It's not physical.
You're, oh my gosh, you're exaggerating.
Is this the largest mass hysteria since The Witches of Salem? Or is it something else
entirely?
Something's wrong here. Something's not right.
Leroy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder.
A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios. Hysterical. Follow Hysterical
on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Hysterical. Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your
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