Watch What Crappens - #2564 RHOSLC S05E01: Bombs, Besos and Scroll Trolls

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back, and they’re as insane as ever. The first episode finds them fighting over bath bombs and costume allegations. There’s even a scroll! To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what happens, watch what happens, guess what happens when there's so much that happens. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Happens, the podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Yale Braavs. I'm Ronnie, that's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. So guys, it's a different day for us here. We are in Amazon Wendree Studios, it's glamorous.

We were here for a meeting and ended up just asking them if we could use one of their booths. And it's really cool, it's very fancy. Now, if you're watching this on Crappens On Demand video, which we do every day on our Patreon, go check it out on patreon.com slash watch at Crappens. You will see one of the worst angles on my face. This is why I don't love people being below me

when we're making love. Because it's not my best look, but guess what? We're doing it anyway, we don't care. You know what? In fact, I'm gonna get a reminder right now to get another thing to hoist up to put a camera on top for the next time we do this. I want like a clothes pin for the back of my neck.

Look, pull it back, like an old lady star. Pull back my waddle. No, you can't have a waddle on the back of my neck. Look, pull it back like an old lady star. Pull back my waddle. No, you can't have a waddle on the back of your neck. But if anybody wants to know what I look like on top of you, this is it. It's terrifying, which is why I'm single. So anyway, welcome to the show. This is as handsome as ever.

Was that sexual harassment, by the way? Yes, and I'm gonna sue you. Not you, the audience. I was just like, picture me on top of you. I think that's pretty fucking disgusting, especially being at work. Well, we just had a work week. So we had a wonderful lunch with the people of Wondry. They're so awesome. And apparently my top button was completely open. And so I had my chest out and turn it up.

I didn't realize until we got here on to crap is on demand. And I was like, why is my entire chest out? And you're like, yeah, you were going sexy at lunch. I was like, that was definitely not the end. I'm wearing khakis today. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis.

I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I'm wearing khakis. I didn't realize until we got here on to crap is on demand And I was like why is my entire chest out and you're like yeah, you were going sexy at lunch

I was like that was definitely not gonna. I'm wearing khakis today Ben you were your is your confessional Like it was your housewives confession. I was doing it like I was on vacation But anyway today is a super important day because it is the premiere of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season 5 You know a lot of anticipation a lot of hype coming into the season after last season was so wild, so crazy. We have been obviously recapping the secret lives of Mormon wives. So, you know, if you need more of your Mormon and Utah fix, be sure to check out those recaps are on our feed. They're really fun. But you know, nothing compares to the OG wives. Okay. We'd like those-something wives, but we love our 40-something wives.

Yeah, the 20-something wives are just like new wine. You know, their boxes of Franzia. You need to really let that wine take nice, lump-shrively baths. You need that wine to turn into vinegar, and then you got a housewife show. Yeah, then you got a housewife. That's what, you need that wine to aerate, and then disintegrate, and then you got some good stuff. And it's then you got a housewives. Okay, that's what, you need that wine to aerate

and then disintegrate. And then you got some good shit. And it's not an age thing, it's a maturity thing, it's a life experience. It's about seasoning. Thing, yeah, it's about seasoning. It's about marination, guys. Let's marinate.

Marium Cosmionation. Let's Marium Cosmionate our housewives. Guys, it's Salt Lake City. We're gonna be Looney Tunes because it's late in the afternoon. We actually had lunch. I'm having my fifth coffee of the day. Ben's cracked out and slutty today on coffee.

I'm talking about being on top of you at the opening of the show. I'm coffee slutty today. Yeah. So, and also they made us a cappuccino with our logo on it. I know. It was on the foam. Our cappuccino with our logo on the foam.

So we're like really full of our own selves right now. So let's do this Salt Lake City Looney Tunes episode. Episode one of season five. It's called Besos. I'm calling it Besos Amiculo because that means kisses on my ass. Well, it is appropriate that we are recording this in the house of Bezos. That's true. Wow.

Bezos from Bezos, everyone. We are literally in the heart of Amazon right now. That's crazy. You can't plan on that, right? We are literally in Amazon. You guys, they have their own machine here that prints Beyoncé sweatshirts. They just showed us this room. And they're like, guys, this is just merch.

It's not that big of a deal. I'm like, you have a whole Beyoncé table? They're like, yeah. And you can just order it just merch. It's not that big of a deal. I'm like, you have a whole Beyonce table? They're like, yeah. And you can just order it on demand. It's like special Beyonce merch that you can't even get at the concerts. Seriously. Listen, Mormonism, I was like, Joseph who?

Joseph Smith? I'm not gonna follow a Smith. That's like the most basic fucking name I've ever heard. If Joseph Smith had a Beyonce table, I'd follow it. If Joseph Smith was like, guess what? If he had a visual album. If Joseph Smith was like, guess what? If he had a visual album. If you follow my religion, you can have a Beyonce sweatshirt at the snap of a finger.

I'd be so Mormonized. Now let me tell you something. One thing about Joseph Smith is I do not believe he would ever have hot sauce in his bag. That's one thing I just don't trust he has. Are you talking about Hillary Clinton? I'm talking about Joseph Smith. I'm just talking about just how white he is.

Yeah, but who has hot sauce in their bag? What are you referencing? Beyonce has... Oh, geez. She does? The lyric, I've got hot sauce. You know from Lemonade? No, I don't listen to the lyrics because Jay-Z cheated on her.

I was trying to just hand your Beyonce. But I was thinking of Hillary Clinton because that's... Remember when she was like, I love hot sauce. Yo soy Mexicana. I love hot sauce. Bezos Mexicana. I love hot sauce. Bezos. She pulled out. Pulled out. Okay. So she's like, I'm in the Bronx. I love Mexican food. Everyone's like,

Oh my God, you're so awkward. Okay, so we're rolling. Okay, so we're doing it's a very dramatic season because it's all like city. And they're doing it very new style. We're seeing everybody sit down for their confessionals for the first time, and we see them sitting in front of a green screen and getting mic'd up. It's very TV, movies, Hollywood, Bezos, Bezos. This is like a same day delivery episode.

It's like one of those things like, I want my real house, so I think, guess what? By 7 p.m., it's already here. Let me tell you what, eBay could never. Never. Yes, best sales. Don't even try it. Yeah.

So this intro is hilarious because there's gonna be a lot of like voiceovers that we're gonna get to. But you know, Vanderbump rules, they had a video that went along with their last season that was kind of like a making of the opening credits, you know? And they showed that what happened was they had people sitting at like the bars

in TomTom, et cetera, and they had a drone that went flying into the restaurant, and so for the opening credits, they sped it up. So it was like, SLC was like, let's do that, but let's have the drone go really far, so we have to speed it up really fast. And like this entire first minute is like drone overdrive fast forward footage.

It's like, rrrr, house, rrrr, house, rrrr, Meredith and Beth, and a bath. Rrrr, Whitney. It was wild. Yeah, it was some crazy drone footage. So it's very dramatic. And the drone made that noise. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hee, ha, ha, ha, hee, ha, hee, ha. It was like very survivor coded ha's to start off.

And then we hear Heather, who's like the lead, she's her voiceover. She's like, you know, signing up to be part of a television show, part of your life is exposed. Also, when you write a book about your, two books about your life too, that will do it too. Yeah. Yeah, so your life is exposed.

You know, every day we choose to share what most people choose to hide. And then we wait for the world's opinion is horrifying. Oh, sorry. I have to make a PSA right now, which is that about two months ago, I read on the internet on a website that shall be unnamed, but it rhymes with edit, that apparently someone does not like it when I do Trixie monoclackle choir.

And apparently every time I go, oh, oh, oh, it drives them nuts. But unfortunately, I have a higher calling. Okay. And when one is in Utah one connects with higher calling so to that I say You know what I don't like taxes still gotta pay him No one cares that I don't like it. Okay, they're there. It's a fact of life Haws on this show are a fact of life. It's just part of it's part of the experience So then we see the drone, this is where the drone footage starts,

and it's hilarious because it's flying through homes in Salt Lake City, like they're like the Taj Mahal, it's like your first look inside the Taj Mahal. It's fucking Whitney's house, you know? It's like Whitney's new farmhouse, modern farmhouse that looks just like the other modern farm, it's just in a bigger row of farmhouses. So it flies through her, the basic white oaked home.

And she's like, we tell our deepest, darkest secrets. Yeah, I don't think like watching you slather Justin in Hershey syrup counts as a dark secret. It just counts as trauma for the rest of us. I like jewelry. It's a deep dark secret. And then it flies over to Angie Kay's house, her big echoey house, which is apparently on the market.

And she goes, we share our marriages, the good and the bad, and our daughter's electra, and we also share baklava, I'm Greek. And then the drone goes through Meredith's house, and of course goes straight to the bathtub. And Meredith, I don't know, I feel like Meredith shouldn't be seen on drones. Meredith isn't really the kind of personality for drones

because she needs to know where her angle is. She can't just have a flying thing around her head because she's in the bathtub and she's just like, what do you mean, taking a bath? I'm like, what are you trying to catch the drone? You can't catch the drone, Meredith, just relax in the bath. I love baths, where is you trying to catch the drone? You can't catch the drone, Meredith. Just relax in the back. I love the drone.

I love the drone. Is that a camera? Brox! If there was anyone on Braava who I suspected hates drones, it would be Meredith. Well, we never had a conversation one way or another. I have a little small batteries, not included robot, come flying into my bathroom. And quite frankly, it's a violation. We make mistakes and we have to live with them.

That's her line. We also make a white bean salad occasionally with the help of the entire family holding a lemon. So I like that they are all like doing what we know them to do. You know, Meredith is in the bath, Whitney's in a white oak tome. Lisa is drinking Big Gulps with John. Which is classic. know them to do. You know, Meredith is in the bath, Whitney's in a white oak tome, Lisa

is drinking big gulps with John. Which is classic. She's like, that's my thing. I just wanted drone to come around and watch us drink bad gulps. And I'm going to mention this now because I feel like I'm going to forget by the time we get to the very end of the episode. But when it comes time for the ending credits, the very first ending credit that comes up before executive producer before anything, the first thing it says on the screen is,

Lisa Barlow has a paid partnership with Wendy's. It's like, wait, before you find out who's actually made this show, Lisa Barlow knows Wendy's. I love that they had to put that legally into the credits. Like, don't worry. She does too. She's like a Wendy's rock star.

When I went to BravoCon, she had like a Wendy's booth. I mean, I don't know. It was like at 315, come see Lisa Barlow at the Wendy's exhibit. And I tried to go and it was literally too many people. And I went and everyone's like mobbing Lisa. And she's like, I love strawberry frosties. They're so good.

And people were acting like the Beatles were there. It's like some skinny bitch drinking a fucking frosty. I mean, sorry to say the B word, but. You know what? and people were acting like the Beatles were there. It's like some skinny bitch drinking a fucking frosty. Sorry to say the B word, but. You know what? Our secrets, we hold dearest, they're on display. And then we hear Heather say, so when the world pushes back, we pull together.

I was like, yes, this group of women pulling together. Yes, I fully believe that. Yeah, and Whitney's like, and then sometimes we build a circle of trust, but then sometimes circles, line, what is it? Turn. Circles turn on you back. But aren't circles always turning?

Cause if they weren't turning, wouldn't they be squares? But look at, oh, and then we see a clip of Heather going, but look at us. We've not solved any problems. We're still trying to find receipts. We're still trying to poke holes in each other's timelines. We're still trying to bring. Oh my god, is she going to do fucking karaoke of her greatest hits from last season, the whole season?

She's going to, she's fucking, how many times are we gonna hear receipt spree of timeline this season? 20 times, now listen, I love the album. I love the album. I'll be telling my kids this is The Beatles and I'll be playing that in the car, but girl. So when we disappoint each other,

we go back to where we've started. We see what connects us and pray that it won't happen again unless it brings us really good ratings. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, so we're at this like bar place. This music, the music to start off the scene was so lit. And I don't say lit often, but it was like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun How are you? Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta You know, I've talked, I limited season one, they had that song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which was a classic that they stopped playing. And they, this song, this like. No, they play it sometimes. Sometimes, but I'm telling you this song, ooh, this was just. They upped their game. They upped it. I'm sorry I did not preload it so I can play it

because it's just, it's just, it was just beautiful. I'm actually glad that you brought it up because once you did it, it came back flooding into my head. And it was so good. Because it because it's just beautiful. I'm actually glad that you brought it up because once you did it, it came back flooding into my head and it was so good. Because it's a masterpiece. And then once again, it was just like last night when I was watching this in my underwear, just like doing belly dances to the song.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Okay, I'm resisting the temptation to look it up right now. No one's gonna want that. Okay, so then we see this barn type place and a bunch of horses outside. We at the blue sky ranch guys, and they're really going heavy on the Now we're a barn look. It's a it's a horse now. It's another Now it's a bunch now. It's a tree. Okay, okay with their drone whooshing

It's like the Fox News and coming up Trump gets mad in Chicago and calls somebody fat, a fat immigrant. So Lisa gets out of the SUV and she's got her sister-in-law Kim and there's what was funny about this episode. So the whole episode takes place at this part of the Bezos party, but we have lots of flashbacks that we're obviously going to talk about. But everyone seems to arrive with a person. And to me, this kind of felt like some sort of conclave

where it's like every cast member gets to bring a nominee to be a friend of. Yeah, it's auditions. It felt like everyone brought someone and it's like, who gets to go forward? It is an open call. And that's the thing we love about this show. It's a constant open call because they don't have a ton of people who probably can do this religiously or whatever, but every year they have auditions.

And this is the big community theater housewives. It's like Hunger Games. And they bring new girls on to try out every year. And there were some of them that you could tell that the producers were like, we like her, you know, like we like this lady. There was a black woman that they showed at every scene, and they showed her reactions to things like being like,

uh-uh, no way, but then they never, I don't think she had any lines. I don't think she even got a chiron, but she was like, she made a splash. I was like, oh, this is gonna be our new friend of, but then it wound up being this random lady who I guess we'll get to. I don't even remember her name, but.

Melee or? Melee, Kaylee. I don't think they ever said her name. She was sort of like somewhere between, she was like an amalgamation of about six different housewives all cramped together. Claudia Jordan is who I saw. I saw Ramona in her face.

Ramona? Yes. And Miley? Miley? Miley. Oh, no, not a Miley. Not Whitney's friends. No, I'm talking about-

I saw Claudia Jordan in her. Gorgeous. No, not her. Definitely not her. I'm talking about- She's a stunner. We'll get to her. Brittany?

The one who sat down in the area. The one who was like, oh, your costumes. Yes. Yeah, that was Brittany. She's like, I'm fucking Donny Osmond's... She was like Carly Simon. You know, son's maid. She was Carly Simon meets Ramona Singer. Yeah, she was a lot of different people.

All terrifying, by the way. Yes. Terrified of every person she was. Okay, so Lisa is with Kim, her sister-in-law, and Lisa's like, oh my God, I can't wait to show you everything. Look, it's a horse. Whoosh!

Oh. Where's Jack? Where's Henry? Then we see a mullet, I guess, and then- So you know how Kyle stopped using her big guy party planner? Yeah. I think he just moved.

It's the Fat Burger guy moved to Salt Lake City. It's him, but now he has a mullet and he's Lisa's. And Lisa's like, you remember? And Lisa's like, I think we need to fix some things. You know what I don't like? This bench, why is this bench here? You're going back to Kyle's house if you don't fix this. Can we move this high top?

Hi. Hi. Can we move it? Hi. Thank you. Sundance Queen. Sundance. So then Lisa's telling us,

There was so much turmoil with my friends. It wasn't the first time we've gone through it, but it was the worst time. And it brings us so close. I just love being in a space where I have friends I can count on and I can trust. So this Valentine's Day around the corner, I have friends I can count on and I can trust. So this Valentine's Day around the corner, I have the chance to throw my own version of Valentine's, which are called Bezos. I would have called it Galentines, except that other Mormon show is doing a Galentines Day episode this week, so we did Bezos.

How do you do that? You could get two Mormon people doing Galentines. Now you know that this is a Valentine's Bezos Day because I got a sign that says Besos in Helvetica font. Besos. It just says Besos. They didn't want me to do another Vita party so I just said do something in Mexican. I thought it said be SLS and I was like, oh my God, it is an emergency.

They said no, it's Besos. But you know what? If I added one more O, I would be celebrating Whitney. Be so so. Am I right? But yeah, they're playing opera. It's the most dramatic season ever. I mean, literally everything they're doing

is like dripping in drama. It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Thomas Turmore with my friends. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Turmore, I'm telling you. So then two weeks earlier, we flashed back. Wait, well, more importantly, the motif here is because she says, you can give little kisses to all my girlfriends

to remind them that I love them some more than others. Some more than others. Some more than others. Some more than others. Oh, I'm going into the past. Flashback. Well, I flashbacked so far, I'm with Jock in Columbia. Some more than others.

Some more than others. Two weeks earlier, Lisa and Heather and Angie are in a park. And here's the music we need for it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha party. Guess what? It's gonna be all girls and no boys. Some more than others. Some more than others. I've been fighting that night. I was on the fence because she did this podcast and she was rude to me. Guess what she said? She said I'm the new villain. Can you believe that? And then who would have thought? Nick Vile, he is at the crux of the season opening controversy. So it's on his podcast and he's like, so can you say you've ever heard Lisa apologize without being dismissive?

And she's like, I can't say that I have. She doesn't care about anything except being... Line. Right. Lisa's always been the villain. So I thought it was funny that Lisa misunderstood that to be Lisa's the new villain. She's not saying you're been the villain. So I thought it was funny that Lisa misunderstood that to be Lisa's the new villain. She's not saying you're the new villain.

She's saying you've always been an asshole, which I actually kind of respect coming from Winnie a little bit more. And also you gotta love Nick Vile saying, has Lisa ever even apologized and not been dismissive? He says as dismissive, one of the most dismissive people on the planet. As someone who's been dismissed by Nick Vile, this really speaks to me.

Like literally, pristily dismissed. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who'll fight like hell to keep you out of jail? We defend and we fight just like you'd want your own children defended. Whether you're facing a drug charge, caught up on a murder rap, accused of committing war crimes, look no further than Paul Bergrin. All the big guys go to Bergrin because he gets everybody off.

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I don't like angles. Angles suck. Your bottle is an angle. It's a giant angle. It's literally like a bottle with a bisection to make it look angled. I'm so sorry if people are having trouble finding the location, but I wanted to put a map with no angles on it. Remember the first time I told you about angles?

I had angles, I had angles, I had angles, I had angles. So Angie's like, Angie's coming in with Whitney, I think. And so she's like, how are you gonna be when she walks into your party? Oh wait, I don't know. Someone's asking Lisa, how are you gonna be when she walks into your party? And Lisa's like, well, we're all friends.

I don't know that if Whitney's gonna wanna come, but you know what? I'm gonna need a minute with Whitney because I'm mad at Whitney. Shhh! Back to present. Oh, this is the angles thing. So now people are arriving.

They're just assembling in this patio, this snowy patio. Everyone can't wait to go inside, but they're not allowed to go inside yet. Mary's coming in that spray paint jacket. Do you remember when Melania Trump wore that thing that's like... I don't care. They went to the border to like visit abused children or something on the border. They're like, let's visit human trafficking victims on the border of El Paso. And Melania shows up in a shirt and a jacket and on the back spray painted, I don't care.

I don't really care. Do you? Didn't spray painted, I don't care. I don't really care. Do you? So yeah, so- Didn't it say I don't care, do you? Something like that. Where is Melania these days? The fuck is wrong with her? Whatever happened to Melania Trump?

Oh girl. So Mary comes out in this thing and then behind her in the same car is Angie Kay. So the producer's like, so let's talk about Angie. Let's talk about you and, or, or she, the producer asked Mary about the relationship with Angie and Mary goes, well, life is weird. I'm like, yeah, you don't have to tell us, Mary.

You're married to your grandfather. Life is weird. She gave my trust. I can't tell you where it happened. And basically the producers were like, Mary, if you want to stay on the show, you have to show up places and you have to at least talk to somebody.

You can't just stand on the side Call everybody ugly and fat. Okay, you're actually had so Mary is really trying in this episode to smile a lot and be like Yeah, I just mean Angie Angie's I love participating Great Angie's I don't know So and she's like how did we go from who's Angie to showing up to a party together in matching purses? Ha ha ha ha ha.

I have a bigger question. How did Angie Kay wind up as the center snowflake on the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City display? Did you see that? Angie's in the center. What salt, what display? You know, when they put out their hands, it's like the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. That's Heather. No, Angie is the center snowflake. Heather is all the way to the center. What display? You know, when they put out their hands, it's like the real house of Salt Lake City. That's Heather.

Angie is the center. No, Angie is the center snowflake. Heather is all the way to the left. Whitney is all the way to the right. So I think that means that they're on the right. In the main credits? In the main credits. So I think that means that Heather and,

because they did that with Teresa and Melissa, they put them on the edges. So Angie, I guess, is the glue this season? The glue. Isn't that weird? Heather and Whitney all around the fringes. You shouldn't say glue because they've got horses in this episode and that's what they turn horses into. That is rude.

That is rude. That is not Greek. It is Greek glue. So Angie goes, I don't know what happened to us suddenly being best friends, but I think it is because she told me I had lipstick. I told her she had lipstick on her teeth. Something. And we see the reunion where she's telling her you have lipstick on your teeth That it got so ends and then like ten seconds later and Andy asked Mary. So who do you like her description? Ah Angie And then she invited me to

Kathy Hilton's Christmas party. Wait, so Kathy Hilton's inviting Miriam Cosby to her party. What is happening here? Yeah, and then she's like, she even has the same sunglasses because I do. We see them, they're driving in a car together and they're wearing matching sunglasses and it's actually so cute because they're just not even talking.

They're just sitting there smiling, just happy to be with each other. That's just like, we're two girls spending money on stupid things, you know? Let's be friends together. Um, Angie Kay has really taken some classes this year. She's really like become more natural, but it's still hilarious because she's still a

robot, but you can tell that she's more like, I'm going to tell it like it is now. I have earned my spot here. So she, you know what? She's soft on the inside and doesn't share it. So I'm honored to be one of the people that she shares it with. So then Mary says, yeah, she just brings a genuine realness, like a genuine person that like cares about me

and food in my teeth. So then we see Heather's auditioning arrive. Heather arrives and she's skinny now. Heather's like, hi, skinny bitch here. And then Brittany's with her and Mary's like, is that Heather? And Lisa's like, is that hearts on that lady? Because Brittany- No, Heather's wearing like a latex dress that has little hearts attached to it, three dimensional

hearts. So Mary's like, is that hearts on her? Is that warts or hearts? What is that? What is wrong with Heather? How did she get so skinny and why does she have big pink warts all over? Yeah. So Mary's like, oh, you look pretty and thin.

You're thin. Oh my God, you're thin. And Heather's like, I've cracked the code. I've lost some weight now and now Mary likes me. I've gone from inbred to pretty and thin. It's the start of a beautiful relationship. Oh, honey, nobody said you're not inbred anymore. Like, don't give Mary that much credit.

She's like projecting this friendship onto Mary. Give Mary a minute, okay? She said you look thin. She didn't say you're suddenly less inbred looking. Yeah, inbred and weight are not on a spectrum together. Those aren't the same thing. Like, it doesn't change. You can be thin and inbred.

Yeah, you can be thinbred. You can yo-yo, but you can still be a yodeler. Yeah, but good for her. She looks really pretty and she looks really happy and energetic or whatever. So then, wait, where were we? Have we already done that? Oh yeah, I'm sorry. So look how A-type.

I'm like, but I didn't scroll. So how am I supposed to know what happened? Control freak. So Sarah, Lisa's realtor comes and she's auditioning. Sarah, you look so beautiful. Never see her again. And then a huge pink fur coat walks in that's shaped like a heart.

But to some it may look like a chicken liver. That's fine. Either way, this is- A chicken breast kind of, right? A chick... Like a red chicken breast. Yeah? Yeah. Two red chicken breasts stuck together, which is actually... Yeah, not an actual heart. It's not just like a circle with little valves coming out of it.

Imagine. And pumping. This is Bronwyn, our new cast member. Oh my God. I would expect nothing less. You look beautiful, Bronwyn! You guys, this is my friend Bronwyn, and we all know how it works out with my friends that I bring on the show. I met Lisa, I mean, I met Bronwyn at least seven years ago. And then we have Bronwyn who's like,

Lisa will tell you that she met me at a nortrum years ago. And she said something like I was picking up, like what I was getting was like kind of cool. And like, I kind of just kind of like swatted her way and like I didn't need her opinion because she was in sweats. Apparently that's what her story is. And then we kept Elisa telling her story. Yeah. And then she was like, why is this little homeless girl talking to me?

I mean, I don't remember, but it sounds like something I would have done. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Oh, so you're an asshole. I love that she's just like, I'm a horrible human being. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. And Bronwyn's like, yeah, I would have done that. And Lisa's saying, oh my God, it's crazy because we've reconnected. And she goes, yeah, we had a mutual friend, so we've seen each other, so they don't know

each other. And I can't believe Lisa is falling for this again, where she's vouching for somebody else. Don't forget, Lisa was the one who brought Monica on last season. And I don't know how much we trust Lisa at this point. Yeah, she's so ready. So Lisa's telling the girls like how they were saying, I'm going to wear a kiss lip machine dress. And I was like, I hope it's not the same as Bronwyn's.

And Bronwyn's like, that's Lisa latex. That's not machine. Yeah, you know, you know, yeah, that's latex, that's not machine-o. Muskino, sorry. Muskino, yeah. It's machine-o. She's like, that's latex, not machine-o. And they're still like, oh my god, we love her.

Oh my god, can I touch? Love her. I love her, love her fashion. She's so over the top, over the top. Over the top, it's a flashback. Over the top, over the top, over the top. Over the top, over the top, over the top. Some more than others, oh no, dual flashback.

Five days earlier at lunch, Bronwyn is in a bikini. So she's in this bikini that we've seen in the preview. She's wearing a leopard print bright yellow bikini and puffer jacket and walking down the street and the weather comes up and it's 37 degrees. And then she goes into the restaurant and the lady's like, can I help you? You piece of fucking trash. She's like, I'll have a lemon San Diego. What is a lemon San Diego? Girl, San Diego's enough of a lemon these days. Have you been downtown lately? Doesn't need you dissing it.

Sorry, San Diego. Oh my goodness. And then so that Lisa shows up, she goes, oh my God, I knew you'd be on bar charts. I almost wore mine. I almost wore mine. Oh my God, I'm incepted. I'm going through the flashback of me choosing my clothes.

Wait a minute, why am I doing the diss? I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen, I went too far back. I'm too far back. Move me forward. Hold on, spin it up, spin it up quickly. Paris is upside down. I went too far back. I'm too far back. Move me forward. Spin it top. Spin it top quickly. Paris is upside down. Okay, we're back. Okay.

So, you know what's so weird? I was doing dishes in Paris, and now I'm back here, but Leonardo DiCaprio is still fucking a 20-year-old. He's so crazy. He's so crazy, no matter what reality I'm in. Oh, my God, I thought you were gonna be in Melange, because, yeah, I was going to, but it was, like, crazy with the show. So, but you were gonna be in Milan. Because yeah, I was going to, but it was like crazy with the show. So, but I took a tour in Paris.

Yeah, it's like so hard not being in Milan right now. I was like, oh my God, Bronwyn, you're so cool, Bronwyn. And she was like, yeah, we were, you know, like funny chaos, that's my brand. And I didn't set out for that, but that's where I arrived. And she's got this kind of, I don't know if she just started using bleaching strips on the front of her teeth, that she's got very white teeth right here,

just in the front part. Yeah, just the first two, yeah. And she kind of makes her lip, does this like buck tooth thing while she's talking. She's an odd chick. She is. I think she's gonna work out. Yeah, she reminds me of like somewhere between like Amelie

and Winona Ryder. And so- She's Amelie played by like a younger Countess Luanne. Yeah. With some Demi Moore in there and Jordana Brewster. Yeah, she's a lot. She has a lot going on. And I just kept looking at her thinking, do I like her? And I think I do. And I think I definitely like this because I think she could peg herself to.

She's like, I never really wanted to be sexy or cool, which I was like, I don't believe you, but you're totally hitting the mark. So I like that. And then she's like, and right now I'm dressed like a Tim Burton character. And I feel amazed. I was like, okay. Yeah, she does look like I was like, I was getting one on a writer from her. She goes, thank you for asking. I don't know how to explain this. You know, so I'm just so weird. It's so, let me tell you what's the weirdest thing about know, so... I'm just so weird. It's so... Let me tell you what's the weirdest thing about me,

being weird. I'm just so artistic. I'm like, oh... I am a weird, independent soul. So, Lisa, we only went to two shows because we were like skiing in Aspen and I have family to take care of. I've been like four dogs running around, you know, Douglas and Zoe and Petey and Freddie.

And then we see a picture of these dogs. And when I tell you she just bought the same dog four times. She's one of those. She's like, I have to be... Listen, honey, I'm wacky. We need to get the same four dogs. I'm a wacky person, okay? I'm going to collect boxers,

because that's what they were. And they're all named from characters from House of Cards. And she goes, and I also have a teen with emotions, Gwen. And I have my husband who's just a little older than me. He's 65. And she's, how old is she? 30 something? 38? than me he's 65 and she's how old does she 30 something 38 I don't know because she's on her first season face. It's hard to tell but then we see that has a cards thing It's not a good sign because house of cards was really good and then it turned into a total flop

Well, so things really worked out well for Kevin Spacey. So Lisa I think he's doing great now Doesn't he back doing something or other? Is he? I think they uncancelled his ass. He got bravo'd. They're like, never mind. Everyone forgot Kevin. He has a career back.

He just unlimped himself and walked down the sidewalk. So Lisa's like... Oh, the witnesses are dead now. Dun, dun, dun. So, how's Gwen? And Bronwyn's like, good. I told her, remember when you and Jack would go to concerts together? She's going to be 18.

They're so grown up, they want nothing to do with us, just like most grownups. It's crazy. And Bronwyn's like, yeah, I don't know if I went through this with Jack. It's like, he's a boy, but Gwen is now the younger, smarter, prettier version of me. I just have to pay for everything. Yeah, that's basically like Whitney. Some more than others, some more than others. We're going back. Sorry, Bronwyn, we're going back to the future. Where we're going, we don't need roads. This is my friend, Bronwyn, this is my friend.

Why is Lisa holding a log? So she's dancing on a big checkered floor backwards. So Mary's like, Oh, well, hello, I'm here at the party. And so there's like a lot of like talking and then now Whitney shows up in a car. Oh no, she's in a car. People are like, Oh my God, where's Whitney? Where's Whitney? Where is she? I don't know. Whitney is in a car. Oh no, she's in a car. People are like, Oh my God, where's Whitney? Where's Whitney? Where is she? Whitney is in a car. My friend, Mellie, I became friends with her because I thought she said me, but

actually her name is Mellie. I said, I'm Whitney. What's your name? And she said Mellie. And I smelled my armpits and she said, no, Mellie. And I said, sorry. I was like, your name is Mellie. She said Mellie. I said, that's what I said, your name, and she said, Mellie, and I smelled my armpits, and she said, no, Mellie, and I said, sorry. I was like, your name's Mellie, she said, Mellie, I said, that's what I said, Mellie, no, Mellie, Mellie, what's the problem here? And I'm joking, I really don't even know this girl's name. I don't think they ever said it out loud, did she?

I don't remember. I just saw it on the screen, and I was like, I don't know how to pronounce that, but she's very, very, when I say very pretty, I don't say that in a dismissive way, like, sorry, I didn't learn your name, but you're pretty. I don't mean how to pronounce that, but she's very, very, when I say very pretty, I don't say that in dismissive way. Like, sorry, I didn't learn your name, but you're pretty. I don't mean it like that. I mean, you're fucking gorgeous.

Like, how do you walk around like that in life? I know. How are people not whistling at you while you, like, how are you not getting harassed right now, except by me this morning? Like watching you like, wow, you're so pretty. Can I have your autograph? You're pretty, Mellie.

Which is on my boobie. It's a little hairy, but just work your way around with the sharpie, you're so pretty. Can I have your autograph? You're pretty, Mellie. Just on my boobie. It's a little hairy, but just work your way around with the Sharpie. You can do it. Normally, I'd be excited to see Lisa because she has good parties. But honestly, I'm surprised she's invited me because she hasn't thought like a safe place. I know. I don't know. I know. I don't know. She hasn't felt like a safe place. This isn't a YMCA. There's no tornadoes.

This is not a shelter in a storm. What the fuck are you talking about? You're bad weather. You're not the one that needs a safe place. People need to be safe from you, slanderer. So she's like, when it comes to my personal life, the past six months, they are some of the best six months of my life.

My business is going well, by the way, her business is not even the same anymore. It doesn't have the same name and now it's turned into a pyramid scheme. More to come. And my relationship is good. Five minutes ago, your relationship said, you are such a liar in your story. You're a liar in every single storyline that you have. Because everything from last year is just like, everything's amazing. Justin's amazing, my house is amazing that I couldn't afford last year because everything

was going to hell. And now my friends are mean to me. But my relationships with my friends is another story. Last time I saw them in New York, there wasn't Resolve. Resolve. Resolve. Is this working? Resolve, resolve, resolve. Are we back in time?

Leforf, Leforf, Lefarf, Leflerv, Leflerv. Whitney, what are you doing? We're going back in time. No, Whitney, we haven't started that part yet. Flevler, stapler, water bottle. Draconius. Puppycat. So we do go to the reunion of people getting mad at Whitney and she's saying, it's like

so many justified, so many justifiably angry people yelling at Whitney. Whitney, you lied. You told everybody I was fucking a horse at a rodeo. Well, I thought you were though. It doesn't mean that I don't have my feelings about that. So she's like, there's been a lot of distance with some of them, especially Lisa. And Mellie, or Mellie, I think it's Mellie, says,

she says nothing actually. I'm sorry, I just put that note. She just put a non-matching pink apparently. Mellie, non-matching pink. I don't know why it bothered me, but I was sorry, I just put that note. She just put it in a non-matching pink, apparently. I just put, Mellie, non-matching pink. I don't know why it bothered me, but I was like, those, and I'm sure she knew that they didn't match, but I think they were actually clashing pinks. And I was like, do I really wanna,

I'll just put that note in there and let Ben do it. So, Lisa, so Whitney and Mellie show up, and Lisa is like, oh, she actually showed up. I'm like, it's the first day of shooting. Whitney will be there. If there's a camera, Whitney will be there. So they all hug her and Heather's talking to Lisa and she goes, did Whitney actually say hi to you?

Should I tell her to say hi to you? She goes, no, she'll find out later that she has bad manners. So then Brittany is there. So this is a new chick. This is someone else's friend. And she's Heather's friend. Oh, this is Heather's friend. So she hugs Meredith and she's like, are you a hugger? I'm a hugger. Okay, good. We'll hug that. And Meredith's like, well, there never was

a discussion in the way, but you can hug. I'm a hugger now. I've known Brittany for years. We have friends. She's a messed up Mormon who's been divorced and been through the ringer. She's dating Jared Osmond, as in Osmond Osmond, nephew of Donnie and Marie, related to a Nutrisystem commercial,

which in Mormon culture is the equivalent of dating Prince Harry. Until today. America's gonna love this clip. See, equivalent of dating Prince Harry. Until today. America's gonna love this clip. See equivalent of dating Prince Harry, if Prince Harry was possibly fucking the other prince. What's his name? William. William, Prince William.

Yeah. And so we see a picture of him and he does look like. An Osmond? An Osmond, I mean, he looks like one of them. He is a picture of him and he does look like... An Osmond? An Osmond, I mean he looks like one of them. He is a soldier of love. And so... He is one of, he's like a clone, he's a clone copy of like one of Bronwyn's boxers, you know?

Commercials, here comes one right now. And so then we see a clip of Harry on the phone with, I don't know what I'm even writing, who's birth? Brittany. Brittany. And Brittany is like, she's, no, well, so Brittany is actually on the phone with Heather. And she's like, well, Heather, as of this morning, I'm single and ready to mingle,

because I'm a hugger and that's the way the cookie crumbles. How many J's can you say in one line? And she's like, yeah, Jays can you say in one month? And she's like, yeah, me and Donnie Osmond's possibly niece or son or nephew or cousin, depending on where you are on the tree. Well, we've been dating legit months and we've broken up what?

16 times, a lot. I mean, it's just a hamster wheel of will we be together? Won't we be together? 16 times a lot. I mean, it's just a hamster wheel of will we be together? Won't we be together? But you know, those Osmonds, God. I mean, the closer you get to them, the more you feel like brother and sister, which just gets you hornier.

You know what I mean. You know, there's just something about him. Maybe it's those teeth that go up three stories. He's just so yummy. I'm like, okay, lady, you can simmer down, okay? You're auditioning a little too hard right now. She is very, like, I'm so sexy, but her vibe is like, I'm that friend

who never stops fucking calling you with drama. Because it's like the only thing that can get my boyfriend hard. You know what I mean? And I'm like, stop calling me. Like, get a hobby, go play tennis. I can't take another, it's eight months, you break up twice a month.

No, I'm not fucking even picking up the phone. Scam likely, okay? So then now we see a lady who's talking to Heather about her dress and she's like, Heather, are you kidding me? What is happening with you? Is this count for me to be a friend of? Was that good?

Was that a good audition? And Heather's like, it's a Zempik baby. And lady's like, oh, you look fabulous. She's like, it's been longer overdue. Thank you, modern medicine. You know what? And thank you, Heather Gay, for just de-shaming the fucking Zempik, okay?

All of you need to get the fuck over yourselves. And it's nice to have a chapter being led by Heather Gay. It's just like, fuck you, I'm taking Zempik. I don't care what you bitches think. Yeah. Good for you. Okay. So Mary goes is talking to Bronwyn. They're sitting, I think this is when they're sitting on a bench together and Mary is like, Oh, I love your coat. And Bronwyn's like, and I love yours too. Cause you know what? I have the same one and we're

going to get along just fine, Mary. And then Brittany comes out of, out of nowhere and plops herself right in between the two women. She's, uh, Bronwyn, I love your costume. And she goes, oh, no, you don't come to the couch with Mary and I and call it a costume, right, Mayor? We're basically besties now, right, Mayor? Yeah, you don't do that. Those are fighting words to me and Mayor.

Right, Mayor? Mary's like, uh, yeah, because we don't wear costumes. We wear fashions. OK. And so Mary just goes and cuts to Mary. and Mare. Right Mare? Mary's like, ah yeah, cause we don't wear costumes, we wear fashions. Okay. And so Mary just goes, it comes to Mary, she goes, who is this? And Mary's like, she's talking to Brittany and she's pointing out Brahma's dress.

She goes, that's like so fashion. I mean, and she tells us, you know, she's the one that looks like a costume. That looks like a German shepherd coat. We actually, they put in a sound effect. Whoop! And then she's like, yeah, it looks like she took about 17 German Shepherds and just like dyed them red and wore them.

Gross. Something ain't right. So then- That's right, the lady is wearing full on fur. I know, British, like I was like a ratty like maroon kind of And we hear telling somebody at some point. She's like, oh, but this is my grandmother's this is like 117 years old It's like okay murder because it was like before it was bad. It was pioneer times. And so Brittany goes I love Fashion, you know and Paris like but the texture like disgusting. German coat, German shepherd coat, disgusting.

She's like, this is Yves Saint Laurent. Let's start with that. And Bramman's like, yeah, this is, it's Yves Saint Laurent. There's like three of them. I have one of them. Rihanna has another one. Lisa Milan tried to take the third one, but it's actually in the museum.

It's not funny. Rihanna and the two Housewives shows of the week. Rihanna has made the cut. That's really making an impression. You know, do you feel like Rihanna just sits at home like, I fucking love my life. I'm on two of my shows this week. I'm on two of my shows this week.

That's like a dream. That's like a dream. And so then Bronwyn's like, you can love it or hate it, but it's not, I mean, congratulations, you guys. You buy expensive clothes. Like you're such assholes. And by the way, you both look fucking stupid Mary looks like a freeway underpass and you just look fucking crazy lady. Okay with your big chicken cutlet for Mary's like yeah. Okay. So Mary goes yeah. Listen, I have a whole office and it's just closed and brahman goes Yeah, it's not an office. It's like, yeah, okay. So Mary goes, yeah, listen, I have a whole office

and it's just closed. And Bronwyn goes, yeah, it's not an office, it's an archive. And then Mary goes, yeah, cause when I was younger, I had five siblings and we never had enough. And Brittany goes, yes, you become like a hoarder. She goes, no. She's like, I'm not a hoarder. I'm not a hoarder, that's a little bit much.

By the way, Mary is a hoarder. So then Bronwyn's like, Brittany and these words words we need to get Brittany at the sores and Brittany goes well No, not a hoarder, but like there's scarcity, you know, I was poor I grew up there. So I had that music No, poor I didn't say poor or poor. No, I'm poor and then Clown music plays as Brittany tries to figure out what she's just stepped in right and Brittany goes well, I was poor and Mary just looks at her like gross Clown music plays as Brittany tries to figure out what she's just stepped in right and Brittany goes well I was poor and Mary just looks at her like gross

You're poor people talking. Why are poor people coming and calling us? Constantly have you not heard Mary's famous? Monologue at her church where she was yelling at the church for not getting her Enough birthday presents and when she says you bunch of stingy poor people from her own congregation, she's not gonna look kindly on a poor person. You are trying to bond in the wrong way, man. Or how about, yes.

Hey, what do you think about 7-Elevens, Mary? I was about to say the 7-Elevens. So, so Brittany is like, you know, I mean, I come from five siblings, so I found myself hiding rolls in my purse to take them home. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa I mean, I come from five siblings. So I found myself hiding rolls in my purse to take them home. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I would never. Rolls in your purse grows. Brittany's like, well, I did. I did.

And Bronwyn's like, oh, and that's and she goes, and that's totally not OK. And she goes, no, no, that's not OK. I didn't do that. Putting food in your purse. No, Bronwyn's like, it's okay, it's okay, you were poor. And I wrote it wrong, but she's like, you were poor and you took some bread, good for you. And Mary goes, no, it's not, gross. Disgusting.

I would never do that. Putting food in your purse, and Bronwyn, she's like, no. So Brittany's like, well, maybe if you grew up poor, you'd understand. And Mary goes, I'll be right back. She's like. She's so disgusted.

Mary's like. Because Brittany's also such a fucking rich person that's like, oh, I may be rich and fabulous and fucking Donny Osmond's son or Donny Osmond himself. Who knows? Maybe it's his mother. But God, I was poor once. So I totally get you guys.

But also Mary can sniff out bullshit. She actually really can. She can tell when someone's coming in with bullshit, trying to get in with her. And she's like, no, I will not do this. Listen, if you're going to take bread from a restaurant, you have to demand that a waiter comes over and wrap it up for you in a box.

You don't put it in your pocket. Yeah, she's like, I'll barely take bread when I'm in a restaurant. So now Heather's talking to Meredith. And she's like, so have you seen Whitney? She's here. She's here. Yeah, she's here. Oh, oh, it's a flashback.

She's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. So now flashback Heather visiting Meredith in bed. Meredith is like perked up in bed or perched up in bed. She's like, how are you feeling Meredith? She's like, I mean, I'm feeling good. I've had a breast reduction, you know,

and I've had to go back to redo it five times because I started as a B, then I went to a C, got them taken out, went to a B, and I ended up being a D-minus, and I ended up as a G. I didn't even know they had Gs. The next morning I woke up, my boobs were elbows. Well, the doctor told me if I want my breasts to stop growing,

I have to stop breastfeeding Brooks. And I said, are you out of your mind? How is that toddler going to eat? So unfortunately, it just means I'll have to have many breast reductions to have my child survive. I've been getting breast reductions, but I've been getting Brooks additions. I just keep getting more and more Brooks stapled on my breasts.

I would say the most awkward moment of that medical exam was the one of the doctor was looking at my breasts when Seth came in and motorboated me. That was an unfortunate moment, but other than that, it went pretty smoothly. And now there's like, wow, I wish I had your problems. Geez, I just no matter how thin I got, my boobs just keep getting bigger. It's not funny. I went from an A to a B to a double D and back again to an A. Remember when I did the letters a second ago?

These are caviar problems, Heather. So they talk about last year and Meredith's like, it's just hard to figure out where I even stand because the way we left things in Bromuna was very hurtful. Hurtful, hurtful, hurtful. I will accept this now as well. Those of you who forgot, Monica told everybody that Meredith was saying heinous shit and gathering all this evidence and it turned out to be Monica. It turned out to be Monica under her character, the reality von Teese.

Now how much of this Meredith really did engage with, nobody knows, but everybody totally blamed Meredith for this and never apologized. Like, it all turned into being about Monica. And so Meredith is now you know, Meredith is going to hold a grudge and wait for an apology. So this whole season is going to be how Meredith getting that apology. But Meredith also has a bigger issue to deal with. Well, let me tell you everyone. Okay. You know, nothing got addressed with me. And here's where it stands with Whitney. Last year, Whitney launched a jewelry

collection which you may remember that I have a jewelry collection it's called Sparkling Brooksies and beautiful little pendants in the shape of Brooks's head and this year in New York in front of everyone I announced that I'm going into bath products and now she's launching bath products. and now she's launching bath products. Next thing she's gonna have a gay child slapping his name on Walmart jogging pants and selling him at fashion shows. I wouldn't wear it as an ad. I wouldn't be surprised if Whitney's daughter,

if she ever came down from that soda high, came out with her own brand of track suits. Now I was like, what is she talking about? I don't remember her launching a bath product, but whatever, you know, I have housewives watch her memory where everything is erased for the next season. So we see a shot of Whitney announcing on Instagram, the Whitney Rose bath bomb for the girl that likes to take baths dot dot dot in clean tubs alone. What a catchy motto.

The wordplay is really off the charts. She's making fun of Meredith's line. Like, I take baths in queen tubs. Well she just wants to step on my toes and it's hurtful. The bath is my thing and everyone knows it, okay? So I said stay out of my path now you got because now you gotta come for my bath products and Heather goes and you know Heather's loving all of this cuz she's like I can't wait to tell Whitney you're

saying all of this but she's like so do you think that she got the idea from you of course she did what else was she not the idea I pitched the whole thing with a pie chart at the reunion. There was a pie chart, there were samples. Everyone saw that I clearly was developing and promoting a line of bath products that were outlined in a very, very obvious and impressionable way. We'll see evidence in a moment. We'll see evidence in a moment. In a moment, in a moment, in a moment. This was an attack on me. So now we're back in the present and when he's like, it's so beautiful, she's like looking out a puddle. So the girls, people are like toasting with meat sticks and everything and Lisa's like,

guys, Jack is like obsessed with Columbia. It's like teaching him things and they have like the coolest bookstores and barbershops. Yeah, places outside of America can actually have cool barbershops and bookstores. It's wild. It's crazy, like before he left, he had mushroom hair that he comes forward, but now in Columbia, he has mushroom hair that he comes forward, but in Spanish.

It's amazing. They have Barnes and Noble, but it's called Barnes and Noble there. It's nuts. Yeah, he even found two but it's called Barnes and Noble there. It's nuts! Yeah, he even found two Michelin star restaurants in Bogota. They were like hidden under a pile of leaves, and he was like, oh my god, it's a Michelin star restaurant! I don't know how he found them, but I was like, save those for when daddy and I come to visit. Yeah, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry! Hold on, let me, hold on, I'm gonna cry thinking about Jock.

Hope this will make me feel better. Sorry, that was the top, everybody. Let me read my most recent text from Jock. It's green and it says, never contact me again, you stupid fucking bitch. I blame you for all of this. I miss him. I miss him.

I love that, I love Lisa Barlow acting like so surprised that a major world capital is like has a cool bookshop and actually has a Michelin rated restaurant. Can you believe it? They have electricity in Columbia. Boca Tau. They have electricity. Jack made it. He got onto a little bicycle and he's been peddling nonstop to power the entire country. I just had to give my face a full pet down like a dog. I've grown so much hair. I just needed a pet. I feel better now. You know what, who feels better?

Jack, because he goes to the best coffee shops. Jack, Jack found coffee in Colombia. Bronwyn's like, I don't know what mission he's on, but he jams him, he gets coffee, that's wild. This is not the Mormonism that I grew up in, because my parents are both converts, and they raised my sibs and I as Mormon and like they're both very devout

and you know, they expected us to be devout and we went on missions. Some of us had more success than others. And then to prove what a rebel she is, we see a picture of her when she was young with a Burger King crown on. I was like, oh my God, it's like your heroin picture. It was like, what is this Sid and Nancy?

Who is that heathen with a Burger King cap on? Her friends were like, oh my God, it's like your heroin picture. It was like, what is this Sid and Nancy? Who's that heathen with a Burger King cap on? Her friends were like, oh my God, what is the future of Mom Friendster? Oh my God, those burgers have caffeine in them. What a slut. No one's talking to her again. So, Brom was like, yeah, I got kicked out. Yeah.

So, then Angie and Whitney and Millie and Angie's like, so how do you know each other? Are you the same age? Wow. Excuse me, I have a question to ask of Whitney. Excuse me, everybody. This is very important, Whitney. What's up with the bath bombs? What bath bombs? Oh no, take shelter, bath bombs are coming in. No, bath bombs. Bath bombs?

Bath bombs. Bath what bombs? Bath bombs, Whitney. You know, it's so strange to me because in New York, I had a very official ringing of the stock market bell to announce my new bath bombs, and then here you are launching a bath line too. And then she, Whitney's just looking at her confused,

and Whitney's always looking confused, like she has like resting confused face, but then we see the clip of the reunion, because I didn't remember. I didn't remember either. And Meredith goes, well, my warm and fuzzy, which they were playing the, what's your warm and what's your fuzzy? So she's like, my warm and fuzzy, which they were playing the what's your warm and what's your fuzzy?

So she's like, my warm and fuzzy was the churning butter scene. I just love churning the butter. Well, you know what? She's going to launch a butter line soon. And Meredith goes, oh, a butter bath bomb maybe. You know, you launched jewelry last year and you launched bath, oh, sorry, we're back to present.

But wait, the extent of her announcement was oh I bought her bath bomb maybe it was like a joke like maybe I'll do Launching a bath line So she goes okay, so you launched jewelry last year after me and now you you launched bath this year after I said I was. What is your problem with me Whitney? What is your problem with me? I have no problem with you. I think you're reading way too much into this, into this, into this, into this.

Is it working? Are we going back yet? Into this, into this. Whitney stop, we're not going back. Whitney, your dress is on backwards, Whitney. Sorry. Whitney, you can stop waving your arms in your face. It is not a substitute for the scream squiggling

into a flashback. Stroblight, strobe light, strobe light, everything's going slow. Whitney, you can stop making the sound of a harp. It is not taking us back in time. If you have epileptic disease, stop looking at this or you're gonna die. Now, Whitney, I'm a little offended because I just announced that I was gonna start flapping my arms around as my new brand and now

Here you are flapping your arms around like you're in a flash, man I am definitely concerned that Meredith is spending too much time in the bathtub Cuz it's making her wrinkled up and shrively She's actually in her brain. She's eating a lot of prunes now. No Whitney, it's that she's pruning. She's cutting leaves off of trees. No, her skin's turning into a prune.

How can she turn into a vegetable? Oh my God, save Meredith. The message I'm getting from you is, I don't want to be your friend. And that's what I'm getting from you is I don't want to be your friend and that's what I'm hearing from you with me because I launched a bath bomb you know what I love you as a friend Meredith oh yeah then if you love me as a friend you want to pick up the phone you said Meredith I want to watch a bath bomb but But if you were really friends, you would know that I already sold...

Um... Bath bombs, even I know this answer. Jesus, Whitney. Yeah, that's how I launched my business. You even carried Iris and Bloody Blue Blue, whatever my brand was called before. You even sold that in your store, remember? Well, you didn't have bath bombs. Uh-huh.

I just didn't. They were only online only though, but they weren't in your store, but I had them still. Well, you didn't tell me you had bath bombs. Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah-huh. But the only thing is like, I didn't see bath bombs in a jewelry store. Yeah, but you saw skincare in a jewelry store.

Whoa. Was that a word or an emotion? I mean, it's like, why are they fighting over a bath bomb? And why are you fighting over tubs? I mean, I just don't, I trust tubs. I just sit in a tub, right? I want yeast infections. I love when Mary just deviates into a perspective

on an everyday item that she doesn't like. So Whitney's like, I don't think it's fair accusing me of bad behavior and you don't wanna be friends. I could accuse you of not wanting to be friends because I never hear from you. Well, yeah, well, that's because, you know what happened last year, I was held accountable for all the stuff

that Reality Bomb Tease did, and if the producers would like to insert a tzuh, you can do it right now, won't sorry, oh, I didn't realize. Okay, everyone put on your seat belts, we're going back. Two weeks earlier. Heather is, notice that Heather is in every single shit starting scene. So funny.

So Heather is with Lisa and Auntie and she's like, well, Lisa, Merida thinks and she's like, well, Lisa Meredith thinks that she's owed apologies guys. And then she's like, well, I feel that I am an apology. Last year I was part of side conversations about my marriage, that I was part of the Greek mafia, that I am selling tzatziki to raccoons. I don't know if that made that to air, but it was a vicious rumor. And all I have to say is thank you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten another season So thank you for letting me be here. So then we come back and Whitney's like I don't know what you're apologizing for or where You're coming from but what I'm gonna apologize for is not asking your address so I could send you bath bombs

Hello, I am here. I've decided it's my turn. Excuse me. No, I'm fighting with her. No, no. We are still fighting. My turn, my turn. We're running out of time. The movie is about to begin.

No, we're fighting. Can I talk to Meredith? Well, Whitney, I'm processing what you're saying so you can move along now. Okay. It's like Whitney. It's like Whitney deposited cash into an ATM. It's like, I will get back to you. Beautiful. Okay. It's like Whitney. It's like Whitney deposited cash into an ATM.

It's like, I will get back to you to verify the amount of cash she went through. My turn, my turn, my turn. Alright, next in line, how may I help you today? I want to talk a bit. Heather is saying you want an apology from me and you know, I have something to show you." And she pulls out a prop, like a big scroll and she unscrolls the scroll. It was like normally these things drive me nuts.

This is like, gives me like trauma to like Potomac when they do stupid props and you're like, but I was like, I cracked up. Because just cause she's like, this will be hilarious. This will light up. And I was like, I know what you're fucking doing, you want it to be a viral moment, and god damn it, it's working for me.

She saw it on Real Housewives in New Jersey, and was like, scroll, I'm gonna use that one. So she whips out the scroll and she slaps it down, and it just goes, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And everyone in the party is like, is she having, does she have a scroll? And Meredith is so mad, and I was like, all right, well this is, you know, I'm here to have a serious conversation, I is so mad. I was like, all right, well, this is, you know,

I'm here to have a serious conversation. I mean, this is a serious forum. Hold on one second. Whitney, you stole the bath bombs. Okay. You know, Meredith, I am happy to give you an apology, but here's a few things I'd like an apology for. Number one.

Oh my God. So then she unscrolls the scroll. We have to read the stuff that's on the scroll. She is so fucking ridiculous. I did, but I've taken 97 pictures. While you look that up, I will continue what they say. Angie's saying, it's not made up. Oh, here, oh, no, go ahead, go ahead.

You suggested I was involved in organized crime. I did not suggest that, I just merely said, you seem like you might be part of the Greek mafia, perhaps invented it,. That's it. Okay, here's what's on the scroll. Encouraging! It's in really big letters, but then she changed to smaller letters because I think she's like, I'm not going to have enough room on here.

Encouraging someone to sue me and take my home just in time for the holidays. Christmas at the soup kitchen. for the holidays. Christmas. Like you really thought she was gonna take her home for Christmas. And she says, there's a sentence on here, I don't understand the context. She goes, Christmas at the soup kitchen. I don't know what that's even about. I guess they got in a fight there. Suggesting I'm invited. I'm involved in Oregon.

No, I'm involved in Oregon. Maybe Oregon farming. Oh, they. They blurred out a whole, one was so salacious, they blurred it out. Yeah, suggesting I'm involved in Oregon farming. And there's a whole blocked out thing. That shit's funny.

No, I said you played a church organ. It's a very different thing. You guys, literally a paragraph blocked out. That is so fucking funny. It's so salacious. I noticed that when she unfurled that, I was like, wow, I can't believe someone that scrolls actually blocked out. And then she goes,

and then there's another like subject dash, and she goes, which by the way, my business partners would like an apology for that one too. Whatever was blurred out, the business partners want that. So I guess she was accusing her of organ farming out of her hair salons.

And then there's another one that says... Please say that's true. The last one we can see says... The last bullet point. Threatening rumors. Oh, and then there's one that says, perpetuating narratives. Something on Twitter. It is wrong and it is vile. Organs suggesting I'm involved in Oregon. I'm dead. I

Mean, yeah, oh me is that oh, wait, wait, is that organized? Oh, maybe oh, it's probably that's probably the organized crime Oh damn, I like Oregon stealing. She hyphenated organized. So it says Oregon dash, but then it goes into the blurry part So it looks like it's gonna say Oregon farming. Okay. I'm glad you caught that people Would be like you idiots. Okay, you're right though. They would have been right. Okay, so then Angie's so Meredith's like oh god, just a list of made-up stuff She's it is not made up you suggested organized crime and she says no I did not you did number two you suggested they sue me and take my house and then And you perpetuated narratives on Twitter

and Heather's like, I mean, this is some calculated shit. She had to go to the craft store, catalog every grievance. I'm like, we saw your pioneer party last year. You spent a good amount of time in that craft store, Heather. Yeah, but this is to just have a fight with somebody. And Mary's like, I mean, she found glue. She found a stick. She had to get paper.

There's a feather on there. She put a string on it. She put a feather. She found a stick. She had to get paper. There's a feather on there. She put a string on it. She put a string on it. She put a string. She has time. Probably too much time. So then, Angie's going off and Meredith's like, you know what? I am done with you.

I am disengaging with this. And Meredith, Angie's like, I thought when she saw the list, she could laugh it off, but she has no sense of humor. I think it all went down the drain with her dirty bath water. I said it, dirty bath water. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So now it's later and Lisa's like,

oh my God, Bronwyn, I need my heart. So they're all inside now at the table. This is so good. She goes, I'm right everybody. It's time for dinner. And now I present dinner. She like puts her arm up and the garage door stays closed. Dinner.

It just stays closed. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. There's this in front of it. I remember it's like, her, he, her, he, her, he, her, he. Slowly opens off the cue. Yeah, she's like, so I just want you to know, like, you know, I love my friends who check on me

and I love that, but I don't love podcasts. Okay, we need to work on that, Whitney. Okay, open the gates. The great toast. So they go into dinner and there's a sign seating and Brittany's like, oh wow, this is me. Mary's like, how am I sitting next to her? She goes, I don't want her sticking bread in my purse.

And she goes, that had to be recent, because when you're a little girl, you don't have a purse to stick your bread into. Her logic is sound. So food is being served. And then Heather is like, Brittany and I have mutual friends and she's, you know, she's going through a bit of a breakup and Lisa has fabulous parties. So I figured, you know, I'd show her, you know, I'd show her a village of women. Yeah, you guys, you guys are women and you're villagers burning down each other's homes every day. The village always will have construction and business because you're always burning each other. So Bronwyn's like, um, I have a daughter myself and then two kids, two stepkids who are adults. And Whitney's

like, Oh wait, I have stepkids. One of them is only five years younger than me. So I'm actually closer to my kids age than Justin's age. And Bronwyn's like, well, my husband doesn't like it when I say this, but my stepson is actually older than me by six months. I don't really think that phases this table. Again, Mary Cosby sitting here. Mary Cosby's like, yeah, I married my grandmother's ex-husband. I know the other ones going out with Donny Osment. Like they're all fucking, they've all got something going on. Yeah. Are we soft swinging or what? So then, and then Mellie is like,

oh my God, you're the hot mom, yay. And Bronwyn's like, not to him. So Bronwyn says, I never felt a huge discrepancy in our ages. It never like crosses my mind. Everyone thought I wasn't, you know, cute enough to be a trophy wife, but here I am 10 years later. What is this, what is this I'm ugly thing that Bronwyn has? This is the second time she's referenced,

like, I'm never sexy, I'm never cute. You're pretty sexy and cute. I mean, I'm not really sure what you're talking about. Yeah, maybe that'll be her arc. I love when pretty people think they're ugly. It touches my heart. So Heather's like joking about the scroll, and Angie's like, well, when you get to be my age,

you need notes on a bigger piece of paper. Ha ha ha ha ha. That was a bad note to start stuff off on. Okay, that was really bad. It was a response. You told me she wanted an apology and so do I. I'm already apologizing and I'm not engaging. Okay, go ahead and ignore me.

It's easier to do that. Wait a minute. Are you talking about the scroll? The scroll, she turns away, look at her, she is guilty. And Heather's like, I thought we resolved this. And she goes, you don't resolve someone telling someone to take my house, I have a daughter. And she's using the, I have a child.

Electra thought she was gonna be homeless. The way she just scooped in that classic house I was trope into this hat this thing like I had to bring a scroll today because I have a daughter who almost lost her house thanks to Meredith marks My daughter would be out on the streets. Oh god. Give me a break She goes you don't do that to a family. Oh jeez. Oh god. You told her to take my house to a family, oh geez, oh God, you told her to take my house. That is absurd.

You are absurd, you are. You know what, just leave me alone. You leave me alone. Okay, you live your life. You live your life. I'm gonna make bath bombs that taste like butter. You taste like butter. You're a butter bomb, you are Whitney.

Oh, now I'm still, okay, it's a game of two fronts. You know what, someone should take your house. You know, and turn into a big stick a Whitney. Oh, now I'm still, okay, it's the case in front. You're a bomb, you know what? Someone should take your house. You know, and turn it into a big stick of butter. Do you want my house? I want your house now at this point. She's trying to steal my house, I have a child. Well, I have a baby, how about that?

Oh. I have a toddler named Brooks, who is a lot more precious than whatever your daughter's name is, what was it, electric company? So, Andy's like, yeah, live your life then. And she goes, I do. And she goes, in your fucking rental. Now we're going to rental soon.

And she is in a new rental. Yeah, every year. So Bronwyn's like, guys, can we just draw a line and say no more past stuff, draw a line. And then she's like, I don't want anyone talking about taking my home. Yeah, but you're still talking about it. I own my house. Yeah, but you're still talking about it.

I own my house. I love in it. Okay, but now can we draw the line? And you don't tell someone to take a house. But you guys are not drawing the line. I don't want a renter talking about my home. Okay, we're drawing a line. Okay, from this point on, let's just do it from now.

We're gonna draw a line. I will not talk about my beautiful house that my daughter, Electra, lives in and thinks about horses in. Oh. And then, so it's later, and, um, is it Mary? He goes, is that T-bone? And Lisa's like, it's filet.

And so Mary's like, I don't want T-bone. And someone's like, oh, Mary, are you vegan? She goes, I try to be. Wait, is the dressing already on this? Okay. And she just snarls, because you know Mary wants to just complain, but she's like, I'm being nice, Mary. But she has a very good medical reason why she goes, I just see that big piece of meat at Lisa's party, just living in my colon. It's just, I think it's about my insights.

It's just like a plan. Like you can't lodge a piece of meat in your colon and just think it's going to come out in a week because she's like, it's going to be there for the next nine months. So, Mayor's like, no one's thinking about their health. All right, let's do cheers. Okay, Bezos, Bezos, the theme is Bezos, and the theme begins and ends with the word Bezos. Okay, everyone, Bezos, Bezos. So is she selling something called Bezos?

What is her deal? I had to imagine it's because, oh, because Vita, Tequila, Spanish, it's like, not sure. She must have some other something called Bezos? What is her deal? I had to imagine it's because, oh, because Vita, Tequila, and then she's like, not sure. She must have some other product called Bezos. It's probably like her Mezcal or something. So Whitney's like, so Lisa, in your chairs outside, you brought up a podcast thing.

So what's going on? Because I feel like you have a problem with me in a podcast. I got that in Persian because you said podcast, Whitney. You know what? I do have a problem with you in a podcast. Your podcast was not about you. It was about me in a bad way. But maybe because you're self-absorbed, so you heard it was about yourself.

I think that like when you learn to take care of yourselves, you'll learn that people who love themselves take care of themselves. And I would think on your hailing journey that you would know that by now But I do know it but wait wait what part of the podcast are you talking about? Because remember when you said Whitney podcast What did you mean? Oh my god. Where do we even start like literally? How do you start a podcast? I didn't actually listen to the thing but that podcast was two hours long. I didn't talk about you for two hours Well, you talked about me enough.

Like, do you wanna say sorry? But I have to know what offended you. If you're gonna lie about me to Nick Ville, expect me to tell the truth about myself. I'm not a liar. What did I lie about? You went on a podcast and bashed me. You're mad I didn't speak roses about you, no pun.

You need to speak best self about me, not roses. Okay, you lied to disparage me and that upset me. I don't lie. I don't speak roses about you, no pun. You need to speak best-sounds about me, not roses. Okay, you lied to disparage me and that upset me. I don't lie. I don't lie. My experience isn't a lie. You can't call my feelings a lie. Okay, you know what? You like angles and I hate angles. So, Lisa, Whitney's like, This is a narcissist. You can't tell someone they're lying about their feelings. It's like me saying, diet coke isn't the best.

But then she says, but it is. And I said, no, you're lying. Diet coke isn't the best. Pepsi is the best. You fucking liar. And she's so excited. She's like, I went off script and I delivered a gem. She was so proud.

She was like, she does a little a gem. Whitney, Whitney. She was so proud. She was like, she does a little shimmy like, ha, I could not have illustrated this any clearer for America. Whitney's pure joy at getting a system upgrade this year is hilarious. Like she really thinks like, I'm nailing it this time. Watch everybody. I think, I think that I, Lisa, I think that if I don't kiss everybody

Bezos if I don't bezos every part of your asshole. I'm not a good friend You keep bringing it up and it was like brought up to me this week this week this week this week Wait a minute when he stopped going backwards. You're about to you're about to fall into the horse. Oh I thought I could make the flashback machine work. Come on, Glenn, roll her back over here. Sorry. Dara Pepsi's the best. Should we flashback to that part yet?

Wait a minute. We're gonna back up. Who told Whitney that I said what? It had to be you, Angie, or you, Heather, because we had that conversation in the park, in the park, in the park, in the park. Hi, Heather and Whitney. I mean, hi, Heather and what's your face, Angie? We're in a park in the park in the park in the park hi Heather and Whitney I mean hi Heather and what's your face Angie we're having we're in a park having a conversation a conversation a conversation that's not

fair why does she get to go on a flashback sorry Whitney you're in the future we're in the past already already already already whoo I just opened my eyes I'm in Whitney's new house oh my god how funny we went into Whitney's past but I was the one who took us there Ha can you send this to the future tell future Whitney ha Hmm scroll flip scroll flip scroll flip scroll flip. I am in the past now, and I am coming to Whitney's house Please tell me I am your first visitor at your new row farmhouse Please tell me I am your first visitor at your new Roe Farmhouse.

Well, I went on a walk with Heather and Lisa and Lisa went on and told me that you did a podcast and said, she's a villain. I stand by it. It's your truth. Oh my God, are we going forward again? It's your truth. It's your truth. It's your truth.

So who told you? So who told you? So who told you? It's her or her? Are you guys already back at Lisa's base? That's probably, that was a really quick flashback. Whitney, keep up past Whitney. Wait, wait, you flashed back to my kitchen? That's not fair, but I stayed in the present.

Go back and get Whitney, get Whitney, get Whitney. Whitney, get out of your ugly kitchen. Am I speaking to present Whitney or past Whitney? I'm President Whitney. Oh no, now we're in an alternate universe. There's a paradox. It's everything happening everywhere all at... Line, line, line, line.

Okay, so who told you? I'm a rock talking to Justin as a rock. Why is there a bagel at this party? Why are we fighting in Iraq again? That's over. Oh my god, my fingers are hot dogs. Hot dogs, hot dogs. Okay, who told? Who told? Whitney or Angie? Who told? No, Heather or Angie? Who said it?

And so Angie, Heather's like, I said nothing to Whitney. I did not say a word to Whitney. And Lisa goes, so that means you, Angie. And Angie goes, which part? Well, she clearly talked. Well, I talked about it, yes. And then you know how I feel, isolated.

I have to, I have to, I have... I am mad right now. She's like, I have no one to talk to. I am so isolated! Well, you both vented to me and you said plenty and she said plenty and I took your emotions and made an emotional gyro out of it. It's not about you saying plenty. It is about... I'm isolated. Don is about You I'm isolated Don't repeat what I say you want to be involved in this Angie. Do you want to be involved then step in and say I was very Calm I was very calm and collected in all while you were all yelling So now Lisa's yelling don't lie about me. Don't yell at lie about me

You lie about me you lie about her and you lie about everybody you fucking liar You said I slept with someone I never slept with and when he goes, huh? But then I took it back and then Lisa just like that matters You did it for a whole season you always lie about me wait quick flashback You slept with the entire bench of the Utah Jazz. Oh I'm trying to jizz for jazz tickets. Oh, I'm so mad. You traded jizz for jazz tickets. Ah! I'm so mad I'm gonna throw this glass at the ground. Ah!

Crap! So weird now, Lisa's like, I'm gonna really Teresa Giudice this one and lightly throw a glass on the ground. Look, I'm so mad. And I took it back and said sorry. I took it back the way you had it in your back, if you know what I'm saying. Who screwed that? It was a drink on the ground.

Someone threw a bath bomb on the floor. Oh God. Whitney, I was the one who was supposed to throw bath bombs. I have not anything but call you a villain, which I stand by. So Lisa's like, I'll be your villain. Bet you want a villain? I'll be your new villain. You need a new Willin?

Here I am. Lisa. I am not a liar. Do not come after my character. I have never lied! And Heather's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha! Whitney, you accused me of lying about my... Oh no.

You lied about my book. You lied about me not getting approval for my book, Meredith. You accused me of lying about my fellow's memorial, which was very hurtful, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Oh, sorry, I was trying to kick off that time machine again. Well, that was the most hurtful thing a friend has ever done to me aside from stealing a bath bomb idea. You accused me of writing an unauthorized biography.

And you accused Mary of running a cult and being a predator. Okay, you guys are ganging up. You're ganging up. It's not right right now. This is not nice. I have a daughter! You accused everyone in our core group of having affairs when only three out of four of us were. You chased me out of a bar, screaming you exploited my vagina. Resolve it! And so everybody just starts squawking at Whitney about what an asshole she is, literally not stopping, and Whitney just rolls her eyes. And then Heather goes, yeah, and that makes you a liar because you lie! Liar! Liar! Liar!

Receipts! Proof! Timeline! Okay Heather, give it a rest. Jesus. Why are you all choosing to pick on me? Childhood trauma. Well, you do it over and over and over again. And there's always an excuse. It feels like a lot. Elektra is nearby and she might be able to hear this.

Lisa, I would love to take accountability for something that I haven't taken accountability for yet because this other stuff is like years ago. Like what? How about take accountability for the podcast? I gave you grace. Yeah, but I don't understand what your grace looks like because in your relationships, your grace doesn't look the same. So I don't understand what it looks like.

Are you going to apologize or not? Whitney is pretty good at default. I mean, Whitney's an idiot, but she's very smart at manipulation. I have to say. I feel like in your healing journey, you feel like you're superior to me, but I'm just me. I'm just the woman who birthed a boy who found a Michelin restaurant in Bogota And if you like me, you'll accept me for being me, but I'm not the same on the same journey as you hashtag Besos. Oh, yeah. Well, maybe you should be on the same journey as me because now you're using my trauma against me

Oh, I'm traumatized I would never do that using my trauma against me. Ow, I'm traumatized. Ow, trauma. How would that work, you thought? Ow, trauma. Oh, oh. I have children. Oh. I have children. Not near Electra.

I would never weaponize your trauma. I've got enough of my own trauma. I went to the Frosty Place and they were out of the chocolate. No, you weaponized my trauma against me. In text messages, you said, keep h you want you want to meet Hilde Whitney Well, fuck you Lisa Barlow. He's my trauma guess because you said the hill Bye I'm going home to my beautiful new house and my chin

Oh, yeah, well, she said after you at my party. Why would I want her to stay yeah well she said f you my party why would I want her to stay? She said f you my party I have children! I will not be called the liar and I will not allow you to use my trauma against me. Well you stole a bath bomb so that's the least of my issues. You're spending this you're spending this you're spending this. No we're not going back in time. We're staying present, cause this is Hilled Whitney. I'm strong, I can stand up for myself. I don't need you so...

Bye. Wait a minute, you can't use your trauma against us. Oh, that was so manipulative. You use your trauma against me, I have a child. By the way, Angie can leave with her cause she's clearly involved, so Angie, you go too. And Heather's like, oh my god, but Angie, Angie's my girl. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Thanks for that totally natural line reading there, Heather. So Lisa's like, well, she's clearly Angie's girl. Heather, I mean, Whitney is. Well, guess what? You misread that one, honey. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Bees-us. Wow. I just ran that one, honey. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee episode if you want to hear our trailer trash that that's actually on Patreon, go to patreon.com slash watch what happens. But wow, I am exhausted. Maybe it's the fifth cup of coffee I've had

today because we've done so much pod. Thank you, Amazon. Thank you, House of Bezos for letting us talk. I'm glad this is a soundproof studio because it's horrifying to think we were just making all this noise and acting like this was so fun. We are in a podcast studio or in a podcast studio. That's what a podcast studio. We're in a podcast studio. That's what people do here. We're just one of them. You know what? We're here at Wondering, we're doing what we do. You know what? No one's wondering what we're doing in here. That's for sure. You know what? Isn't it sometimes funny to think about the time that Travis Kelsey was on Watch Rapids Live,

the other guest was Ramona Singer. What sort of world is this? I love Bravo. Wait, that happened? Yes. Ramona Singer. What sort of world is this? I love Bravo. Wait, that happened? Yes. Ramona Singer always supposed to put, they're just, you know, like, it's just classic Watch Happens Live. It was like, he loves to play football and she loves to be a-

Rubber foot on ball. It's Travis Kelce and Ramona Singer. They were on at the same time. Whoa, you know what? I just want you to know I love black people. You're great. I love your sitcom. I think it's time that we have more psychiatrists on comics. No, it's not Kelsey Grammer. It's Travis Kelce. I know. I just want to say I don't think Lily was ever right for you in the first place. I think the lady's bun is too tight.

Maybe you need someone who's ready for a real man. I don't know why people confuse you for Andy McDowell. You look totally different. No, not Nancy Travis. Travis Kelsey. That is a real thing that happened. Anyway, everyone, thank you so much for being here for Premiere Day. This was so fun, and we will catch you later this week for more Orange County. Bye!

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