Watch What Crappens - #258: Old Babies

Episode Date: January 15, 2016

Bethenny’s back to stir some poo on this week’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and this time she shames the wrong ho. The Real Housewives of Cheshire are still discussing geriatric pregnancies (and whatever the hell Ampiker is talking about), and the Newlyweds are already crumbling like stinky gorgonzola. Enjoy! Timestamps: 0-27:45 Crappens Mailbag: Jury of Housewives, RHOtheWorld and Making a Murder out of Erika J 27:45 RHOBH: Bethenny Frankel grills the new girl, Vanderpump clouds form 1:37:40 Newlyweds: Whine-sturbation, spaghetti and chicken, fake fears of flying 1:53 RHOCheshire: Old eggs, bad eggs, the gays, and Maaahk! ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com ---------------------- Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, a podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old bravs. I'm Ronnie Karen from Trash Talk TV, and as per usual,

I'm here with the gorgeous, talented, well-broad, and perfectly coiffed, and also knows how to pronounce Chilean sea bass. Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? You know, I'm a little hangry. I'm actually not angry about anything, but I'm just hungry,

and I think I'm going to get hangry over the course of the show. So I'm just warning the listeners. I'm not going to be hangry at you, though, Ronnie. I'll just be hangry at things. Yeah, don't take it out on me, because then if I get stressed, then I get, like, stress-ungry. Stress hungry stress gree what do you call stress hunger stress hunger my food issues will come roaring to the front no i was telling ronnie before the show that um i didn't have time to get my think thin bar or and i don't have like a i don't have snacks in my apartment and so i am like running on

empty nothing but like one little wedge of frittata that i had for breakfast so oh stop your bitch and bethany's on today's show so we should be hungry in honor of bethany because i know there's a hangry bitch in the world is that one it's actually podcast true podcast prep i mean that's why she's always going off and telling people about their brands because she hasn't eaten just as I haven't. So I'm going to be telling everyone about their brands. Bethany, you get ready. You know that's my favorite. Ben Mandelker's hungry brand advice is coming.

Hungry boy. Oh, I think they already have that. It's like meatloaf. It's like hamburger helper or something. Anyway. Is that hungry? What is it? I don't know.

Hungry man. Hungry boy. I don't know big angry boy um come to watch what crap ends.com for all our social media links go to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends to talk crap with us during the week and with each other and post your own links because that shit's hilarious and it's kept detective link detective link plant your own detective Links in the Facebook page. Also, come to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends.

That's where you can become a premium subscriber. You get all our bonus episodes and you get our ringtones and gif emoticons and ask questions for the mailbag, which is coming up. So that's patreon.com slash watch what crap happens. We just did a super fun bonus this week about making a murderer on Netflix. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So God. So fine.

Go on and listen, Steven. By the way, so excited for all the people who told us that they signed up for Patreon to listen to that episode. We love having you on board, and we hope you enjoy all the bonus episodes that we've already done and that we're going to be doing going

forward. So thanks for taking the plunge. Yeah. Yeah. So fun. So yeah, come to patreon.com slash watch the crap ends, and that is it for that and also we'd

like to thank our super premium crazy preemie preem subscriber marvin jay thank you for being our preemie subscriber marvin jay thanks marvin you know that's open to all of you so go on over there so now benjaminus we've got a big show today let's start it with the crappins mail bag shall we the crappins mailbag sure i think i don't think we're gonna be able to do it without crappins crappins mailbag allbag. All right. Let's see. While I pull this up, let's see. Okay. So the first question is from Teresa Maravich.

Teresa is becoming like the queen of the mailbag. She's always good to ask some questions, and her questions are always really bizarre, which is great because she asked us, was it last week's show or yes the last show we did about rock paper scissor with mcgally and dobby and charie was the most bizarre question and we didn't even understand what it meant but we sort of like felt our way through it and it was hilarious yeah we had some good times so we love we love these wacky questions so So Teresa's first question is, if you were charged with a murder, you did not commit, which 12 housewives and or other Bravo liberties, including pets, LOL, would you want on your jury?

And then her next thing is to add on to that. And if you really did kill from the list that Betty Brown posted, how many maximum years would be fair sentencing based on their annoyance to society? Oh, so that's a callback to Tuesday's mailbag when I think we both agreed we would kill Kristen. And then I said – I think you were going to kill Brandy and I was going to kill – or you were going to kill Kim and I was going to kill Brandy. Do you remember? No, I don't think I would kill Kim. Did I kill Kim? I think we killed Brandy and Kristen.

I think we agreed to kill Brandy and Kristen, right? Okay. So let's refine this question. If we were charged in the murders of Brandy and Kristen, but we would not do it. We only talked about it on a podcastin but we would not do it we only talked about on a podcast but we didn't do it which 12 housewives and or other bravo liberties including pets we have to pick a 12 person jury jesus christ we don't have to do all 12 but we can we can we can just choose some of the ones we'd like that's a lot of names you know i can only remember current casts

my brain doesn't work like that 12 12 of everybody on bravo holy crap do you remember when andy did that like every housewives in history is going to be on watch what happens live and it was it looked like an auditorium full of plastic bitches i will never forget that that's what this is i want danielle staub on the jury that's my first why in the world first of all she she i feel like would be sympathetic to to false accusations second of all i think she would keep the jury room in order you know anytime it starts to get crazy she'd be like pay attention please i think danielle stop would be a really great jury foreman okay my first pick would be the tame gay the best tame gay of all time reza's husband

the guy who likes um no underwear on men who are wearing jogging pants free balling that's what he likes what's his name adam that guy's name tame gay whatever that guy would have me on the jury because he forgives everything like i could literally say i chainsawed those bitches to death and he'd be like he didn't mean it i'm still gonna make him not guilty i think then along those lines we also we have to have sheena because sheena also has the memory of a goldfish so she wouldn't be able to retain all the evidence you could literally be like well there's a dead body with her fingerprints and then she forgets she's She's like, well, I don't know. I don't remember the evidence.

Reasonable doubt. Not guilty. She'd be like. Well, the first thing we need to discuss in this jury room is that James has a tiny penis. I'll tell you who's really guilty. Ariana being a bitch. Okay. If she has five beers, but no pills, he bitch. Okay, if Shay has five beers

but no pills, he's not drunk, right? Guilty or not guilty? I don't understand any of this. Okay, so she's gay. Well, the thing is, to be fair, since we killed Chris, I believe we had sex with Sheena, right? And we killed

because the option was, in Marry, Shy, Kill, we married Stassi, we slept with Sheena, and we killed Kristen. So I think that Sheena would be like, well, I know he may have murdered her, but, you know, she's really nice. He's really nice, and he slept with me, so I think he's not guilty. I think he's not guilty. Okay, I would put Carlton Gebbe, or whatever, Gebbia, from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, The Wiccan. Okay, I would put her on because I know that no matter, even if I walked into court with blood on my hands, she would still blame Kyle. She'd be like, Carl is guilty. I think I would actually resurrect Kristen from the dead and put her on the jury because there's just no prosecutor that would be able to go up against Kristen because she would just – anything. Ken Kratz would be like, well, as you can see, Ronnie Karam has your blood on his hands.

She'd be like, seriously? Seriously? Like I'm really working on myself so i forgive ronnie seriously i'm not here for a free drink okay your objection you are object yourself i object you you objectify me she'd never let him go she'd be like what do you mean guilty she'd be the best one to have as a lawyer because she'd just keep taking things back to court over and over and over. She's like, it's me again. It's another case because I found another one of your sweaters in my sock drawer.

Did you just spit on Exhibit A? Seriously? Who does that? Seriously? I'm spitting Exhibit A exhibit a okay we need a new case um i think maybe um i think you could put melania on the on the uh on the jury just so that way you could have a hung jury because she would be such a disaster melania theresa's daughter yeah she'd murder somebody in the jury room and then it would be

a whole other case we'd just get off for that yeah exactly the jury has been murderfied so you're all excused okay let's see I would have I would have Lisa Vanderpump on my jury for murder because

I'm a broken hoe and lisa loves somebody broken i'd be like i have mommy issues and i eat too much but all i really need is guidance and a hug from someone who cares and she'd be like darling come here stay in my little gym room i would want lisa rena because i because this way you could be like, well, yeah, we killed her, but we did it for the money. At least like, hey, you know what? I did a Depends commercial. I get it. Guilty as charged.

Guilty. You got to do what you got to do. Get a job at a deli. Did Lisa Rinna just confess to this crime? She'd be like, I own it. I'm guilty. Guilty as charged. Okay, I'm off i'm

officially off thanks for coming yeah she would she would actually own up to it like you know i've killed so many people you know it's just what you have to do in hollywood harry hamlin always tells me stop killing people and i can't i would have andy cohen on my jury because andy cohen would never never concentrate on the real issues. They'd be like, okay, well, Ronnie's up for murder. And he'd say something like, yeah, but his face. Have you guys, like, when was the last time he had his boobs done? Can we talk about that?

And no one would ever get around to the murder and I'd just get off free. No, you'd play like a game in the jury room. Like, okay. Murder evidence or a penis. All right, everyone. Here's the jury room. Okay. Murder evidence or penis? Alright, everyone. Here's the first picture. Murder evidence or penis? Jackal of the week, Kristen.

Oh, justified. Okay, he killed Kristen. Justified. Yeah. I think that's like 12 people, isn't it? Ish, yeah. I'm trying to think who else would be good on the jury. I think that's like 12 people, isn't it? Ish, yeah. I think that's it. I'm trying to think who else would be good on the jury. I think that would be all,

because the other ones, they hold too much shit against you forever. It's like the people who never forget any little crime ever. Countess Luanne would be like, guilty. He's guilty because he told people that I'm not a real countess. Guilty. It's like, ugh, that happened 20 years ago.

Get over it. Well, you know, Dorinda would be good on the jury because she would really obscure the case. Because any time anything would happen, she would just start speaking up from the jury box. You know, like someone goes, objection. Hey, hey, you don't get to object. Uh-uh. You don't get to object. You know, I object.

He objects. We all object. You know, chaos crayon. You can't do that. You know, listen. get to object. Uh-uh. You don't get to object. You know what? I object. He objects. We all object. You know, chaos crayon. You can't do that. You know, listen. Listen to me. There's a red balloon over there, and that's going to say because the light is good in the courtroom, okay? So we better step back.

You better step the fuck back, okay? He's just acting like a murderer, okay, Mr. Jetson? We're from the same neighborhood. We're from the same place, right, Ronnie? We're from the same place, right, Ronnie? We're from the same place, Ronnie. He could have done it. Actually, Ramona would be good on the jury, too,

if only to solve a crime from the past. Because, you know, during the case, Ramona would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Kratz, stop right there. You know, when you were talking about a salvage yard, it reminded me of this time when i was a little girl i was in the forest and there were all these trees that had fallen down

i said someone should salvage this wood it's salvageable wood you could use it for so many things and then my father said no don't go near the woods there's a dead body over there and i said whoa whoa is that geraldine is that geraldine parson smith and he says no don't even say that name again well it's all coming back to me this is crazy i'm sorry that would be the longest you have to do the other case you would stay in jail for life anyway because she'd never stop talking like she'd be in the jury room making about herself the entire time she's like does he have father does he have daddy issues because i understand that because one time i was watching divorce court and my father came in and said,

this show should be based on me and your mother. And then he threw the remote control at my head. Oh, my God. That's why Steven Avery is in jail. Probably Ramona was in there and everybody said, we're tired. You know, let's just go home. Do whatever you got to do. Let's just go home. That Rav 4 reminds me of Sunshine.. Let's just go home. Do whatever you got to do. Let's just go home.

That Rav 4 reminds me of Sunshine. I wish I could go home. Do we have anything else in the mail, Big? Yes. Oh, yeah. So Deborah Howard, she wants to know, get ready for some more listing. She says, if you picked seven housewives for Real Housewives of the World from all past and present housewives, who would you choose? Mine would be Shannon, Dorinda, Bethany, Vicky, Kenya, Ramona, and of course, Lisa Vanderpump.

Kenya. That's actually a good mix. Oh, my God. Ramona and Lisa Vanderpump. Stop asking me questions, okay? Just stop asking me questions. Darling! My father called me darling!

Jesus, this woman won't stop crying, darling. You can call me anything you want, Ramona. My father always said you could call me anything you want. And you know what I did? I would call him daddy and he said don't call me that, okay? I'm sorry. You can call a zucchini noodle a noodle but it's not a noodle it's a stringy zucchini okay okay stop hitting me in the head with zucchini noodles um i would pick

um jeaner um magali nini just because you know she'll start fights over nothing she'll be like what shannon um shannon yeah shannon should be in everyone um although you can't have you can't have nini without luanne because that's a great combo you look at you picking my real housewives of the world i will never be able to produce a show because you'll diss my entire cast angry angry casting director yeah so i'd basically pick gina and then whoever ben put on my cast i'd be like okay thanks ben love you you can pick the rest you can pick the rest how many do i have left two okay um the rest of them i like vanderpump but you know she's not exciting enough for a Housewives of the World. I feel like she doesn't get in enough fights. So I would need, I would get someone like the girl who got kicked off, Kristen, because I know everybody would box her out.

And yeah, I would have Bethany because she would tell everybody off for no reason. But I think Bethany, NeNe, Shannon, I mean, that's a really good and Gina oh my god oh you're calling me an insignificant ass hair I started ass hairs alright Gina I would do it's interesting because there's so

many that I would do but like once you pick one it kind of dictates what the next ones would be right because if you start with Shannon Bador then you'd have to think very specifically who would be hilarious with shannon bedore but if you start with with like kim richards then you're going for a different type of cast so i would do shannon she's a must-have shannon and um i wonder if maybe even like pedoflora would would play well with with the shannon i don't know shannon i would just put shannon and then people who have I wonder if maybe even like Petaflora would play well with Shannon. No, Shannon? I would just put Shannon and then people who

have cheated on their husbands or who have stolen husbands. So you'd have to put, even though Eileen's not really earning her keep as far as I'm concerned, I would put Eileen in there just to watch Shannon break her down. I mean, you think Lisa was giving you shit? Oh.

I think actually I would do Shannon and Luann because break her down. I mean, you think Lisa was giving you shit? Oh. Just you wait, bitch. I would do Shannon and Luann because I bet Shannon would get really insecure about Luann's haughtiness because, you know, that's another button for Shannon. Be like, Miss Know-It-All? Miss Manners? You know, so what?

So what if I want to have no sugar in my food? I'm sorry. So then, so I do Shannon, Luann. You already did yours. I'm trying to think of Atlanta. You just made a list of yours. Didn't you already list yours? Did you forget?

I told you. I rescinded your list. I said, okay, you do it. Oh, no, but you did your own first. You said, I would do Kenya. You already made your list. No, no, no. That was Deborah Howard's. That was Deborah Howard's list. Oh, are we but you did your own first. You said, I would do Kenya. You already made your list. No, no, no. That was Debra Howard's.

That was Debra Howard's list. Oh, are we on a different list? Are we still on Real Housewives of the World? Debra, when she asked her question, she gave her suggestion, and then you gave yours. Oh, I thought, Jesus, Ben, that is a quick list. You're like, here's my list for the Housewives of the World. And then you listed all these. It was Debra's list. I'm so sorry. It's like, oh, my God, who'swives of the world. And then you listed all these. It was Debra's list.

I'm so sorry. It's like, oh, my God. Who's the stoner here? Because it should be me. Okay. How about this? Luann. Luann.

Tamara. Shannon. Ramona. You just made me cough up Tamara Bile. Ramona. Gross. just ramona cough up tamra bile ramona um gross how about why don't we throw in a taylor armstrong okay and um why don't we throw in taylor and shannon taylor not only stole a husband she stole the husband who's with the lawyer of her own dead husband and then she's also all she talks about now is is she sick is she not sick do i believe her insta do i not believe

her insta and you know shannon is not going to be questioned on her 1000 illnesses so that would be good why don't we throw in why don't we throw in for the fun of it adriana from miami and then um uh i mean i mean as long as i've already like i've already like resurrected this woman from the from the depths of of um jersey why not daniel saab that's seven that's actually a terrible cast it's a terrible cast but it'd be funny i think they would play well off each other i never think the cast looks like it's gonna work but it always works it's very rare that they don't work of course it doesn't take much to please me apparently for someone who acts like it takes so much to please me it really doesn't i mean we talk about bravo seven hours a week so there you go that's hard i mean

it's hard to it's hard to whittle down seven because when you start to think, you're like, well, how can you have this person but then not have Ramona? And then how could you forget Gina? It's hard. That's a hard one to do. Deborah, that's a hard question. We did it, though. That's a pretty good world housewives. Yeah.

And now the last question, which is a good in out of the the crap in the mailbag comes from katherine katherine with no last name she's a mysterious lady um she wants to know can you reenact the bethany slash erica scene in making a murder accents please okay so we can set the stage it's we're in the Hamptons. Bethany is now teaching Erica about her brand. Who do you want to be? I'll be Erica. Okay.

Okay. All right. So let me – I have to also summon – I have to remember what the hell Bethany is saying. Oh, yeah, you know. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So your brand. You have a brand yet. What's a brand? You know I'm stupid. Erica, you're not stupid to me. Oh, yes, I am. Erica, did you tell the officer your brand was about having an alter ego?

I was gonna, but WrestleMania was on. Oh, Erica. Did they get... Why are you saying these things, Erica? Why do you go back and forth? Are you Erica Jane or Erica Girardi? I forgot. I'm dumb, you know.

Erica. Why are they blaming me? I didn't do nothing. Erica, you have your brand. You can't let those guys tell you what your brand is. I wrote you a letter. It says, fuck you, I'm going to kill you and all our kids. Okay.

Erica, why would you write that letter? Why would you write that letter, Erica? You know they're seeing you yet? I don't know. I was hungry. Erica, next time just ask for a Snickers bar. They gave me a cookie. What sort of cookie was it, Erica?

Was it a skinny girl cookie at least? Was it a skinny girl? It was made out of rape and murder. It tasted real good. Oh, God, Erica. Erica, you have to tell those men don't give you rape and murder cookies. You have to fix your brand, Erica.

I don't get your brand. You gotta fix your brand, Erica. Erica, you gotta fix your brand yet. Yeah? Well, you know, it's just that I fell in love with them because I was waiting tables as a cocktail waiter late at night, you know. Erica, what am I going to do with you? You're innocent, Erica.

You're innocent. Why are you cocktail waitering yet? What am I going to do with you? You're innocent, Erica. You're innocent. Why are you cocktail waitering? It's difficult to even do the housewives because even Erica, I mean, these people are so much smarter than anybody on how to make a murderer that it's hard to even cross those worlds. Because the fight really, let's face it, the fight would be yeah yeah yeah yeah well actually also my my my version of of of like manitowoc county bethany is totally wrong because it's way too empathetic it's like why why manitowoc county bethany would be more like yeah i gotta wallop gotta wallop erica i don't see anything you're guilty you guilty, Erica. Erica, I'm standing by the car crusher. There's nothing in here.

What are you, dumb? I am dumb. I know you are. I am. You are. You're dumb, car crush. You're dumb. All right, Erica, this is what you gotta do for your brand in jail, okay? You gonna listen to me, okay? You gonna listen to me yet? Who leaves the key on the floor? I mean, that's just the dumbest thing

I ever heard, Erica. You know, I mean, you're framing yourself, and you're framing yourself badly. Frame yourself properly, okay? Get a good frame. You don't want to be the bad frame brand. Why didn't you tell me you were doing this to your brand? If you had told me, I could have picked you up in my pickup truck, or we could have been out of this mess already. Why didn't you tell me about it?

I would have driven you away from there yet. I don't know. I'm dumb. I think actually, actually, Ronnie, if I have to give a note, I would say it'd be like, I don't know. Yet. I don't know. Yeah. Pat the poos.

Pat the poos. I just. My wall is up yet. My wall is up yet. Pat the poos. Pat the poos. My wall is up yet. My wall is up yet. My wall is up yet. Now listen here. You borrowed me your wall, and I'm not going to borrow your wall back until you stop putting it up. If I have to talk about your brand any longer, I'm going to be literally on the floor crying. I'll be crying because my wall is up, okay? But how come there's no crying spots on the garage floor then?

You know what? If you keep asking me these questions, literally, kill me now. Ken Kratz, go watch this and kill me now. You'll have your murderer. And it's me. I killed myself. Literally kill me right now. Yeah? And he would still be convicted.

They're like, we have her saying she's about to kill herself. Whoop, she's killing herself. Okay, we have a video of her killing herself. They'd be like, he did it. He totally did it. Just like basic Photoshop of Stephen Avery's face over Bethany. Well, we have this new intelligence app. The state is charging Stephen Avery with the death of Bethany Frankel.

I don't know how they can charge me with that. She's in New York. She's a New York lady. I'm just hearing manna talk. Well, you know, the evidence points in that direction, so guilty. He's like, I'm looking for Bethany Frankel, so I'm sending her texts that say, you want my giant penis inside of you?

I got a $350,000 house there, young lady. And then Jared Budin gets up there. All right. Bethany Frankel, skinny girl, right? All right. Well, you know, mainly skinny, okay? The body that they found is fat.

Explain that. body that they found is fat. Explain that. I was depressed because my girlfriend broke up with me because I had some body issues. Alright, well you had some body issues.

Does that mean that you go kill Bethany Frankel? Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. Ding, ding, ding. Serial and how to make a murder. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Serial and How to Make a Murderer. We've now gone across. Now we have a total disaster of crossover.

Bo Bergdahl did it. He did it. They got sick of shooting this in the Taliban set, so they moved it to the Golden Palace. Thank you for being a friend. It's called a mashup and steven avery never would have been caught had he mashed it up oh ending uh how to uh or ending on making a murderer segment with um a mashup isn't that beautiful thank? Thank you. Thank you everyone who posted and Catherine

you really took us, your question really took us down a strange route. We appreciate it greatly. Down, down to crazy tan, Ben. Okay, so let's get this going here. Let's get it going. Let's get it going. I'm quitting something. Don't quit, Ben.

Oh, I'm quitting the podcast. Just kidding. I'm quitting. Don't quit, Bean Oh, I'm quitting the podcast Just kidding, I'm quitting My Photoshop app is still open And it is slowing down my computer While I quit this, by the way, everyone Feel free to come to my blog I just posted another board game review for this game called Gold West It's really fun, so if you're interested in that

Go check it out, bsideblog.com Gold West Let us talk about some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills What a show What a show Fun times I love the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

almost every single time it's on I think it's just so fucking hilarious and the fights on this show are traditionally about nothing and this is around the time in the season where they said that they had the new housewife who got deported which was cody simpson's mom and then they had somebody who got fired i read that somebody got fired and they oh taylor taylor thought she was asked to be back to be a real housewife again and she wasn't they just used her because everybody else was being a wuss about calling gilwanda big mistake by the way big mistake they should have had her back in

mix because she's the only one so far who's really started to stir the pot or also she's like married to the dead husband's lawyer that's good enough enough right there. I could watch that. I could watch actually home scenes with Taylor again. Also, I need to see if she ever got Kennedy a bigger crate to sleep in. I mean, come on, guys. Give the people what they want. And what happened to Snowball? What happened to Snowball?

Didn't they put Snowball down or something? Didn't she say Snowball, somebody had allergies to Snowball, and so they sent her to a farm? Madison or something. Actually, because her husband, didn't her husband buy Snowball against Taylor's wishes? And so then suddenly, as soon as he was dead, they're like, yeah, Snowball had to go live with Aunt Claire. Snowball is gone.

Okay, Snowball's dead. Yeah? Snowball's melt. Yeah. Snowball's melt. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. The rest of this podcast will just be in making a murderer voice. Don't worry.

No spoilers. No spoilers, everyone. You have not heard a single spoiler. You just heard our voices. He did it. The end. For every storyline, I'm just going to say, it was the brother and the ex-boyfriend. Okay. Moving on.

There's actually someone, one of our listeners posted a really good conspiracy theory on our page. Maybe we'll talk about that on next week's bonus episode. Because there's still more shit coming out in the pages about making a murderer. So we have still plenty to discuss. Yeah, we should definitely do a bonus again. Because there's so much aftermath. And there's all these new accusations. And a rap song.

People are just getting crazier and crazier. Oh, yeah. And Brandon's brother made a rap song. God help us. He rhymed like cookie with nookie or soda with hoda. I don't remember. It was something really good. And then he got defensive about it. He's like, well, soda does rhyme

with hoda. So good. The show that will never stop killing us. Get it, guys? Okay. So anyway. So we're at the Bella party, and they had the nerve to make cupcakes with Lisa Vanderpump's face on them. Who does that?

Who wants to be on a cupcake? Not anyone from this cast, okay? I would like to be on a cupcake. I'd like to eat a cupcake right now, actually. Hangry. Hashtag hangry. Hashtag cupcake relief. No one wants to be on the cupcake. I'd like to eat a cupcake right now, actually. Hangry. Hashtag hangry. Hashtag cupcake relief. No one wants to be on the face of a cob, darling.

Especially in the skinny girl episode. I thought that that meant there would be a fight later on. But there wasn't, at least with Vanderpump, even though Kyle tried. Okay. So starting at the very beginnings of the beginnings, we're still at this palm springs weird party on the cover of the other one magazine yeah bella party party for bella magazine i wanted to call you and congratulate you on being on not gg magazine yeah not the highlights of anything magazine okay so they are going over to this celebration dinner. Lisa's already guilted everybody.

And she dropped it, which was pretty impressive. Because normally on this show, it would be like, welcome to dinner, darling. Now I want everybody to go around the table and say why they're grateful for staying in a different hotel than me. What they hate about the Capri Hotel. Now you start, Kyle. And by extension, what they hate about me. What they hate about the Capri Hotel. Now you start, Kyle. And by extension, what they hate about me. Kyle,

please tell the table why you've hurt me so on my special day. Lisa wearing an Easter bonnet at dinner is so tacky and amazing. How do I know better manners than Vanderpump? How is that possible? Well, that's her tactic, remember? She wears big hats the way people don't talk to her.

She said that. She's like, people have a hard time going under the hat. It's quite amazing. They just don't go under the hat. Eileen, turn and look at my hat. She's acting like she's in a beekeeper outfit. She's in that Matt Damon movie in Mars, some space movie. I'm a martian someone gets me home

to beverly hills so lisa is randy in this episode and just wants to start shit even if it's not about herself because i mean what is gossip she's very gossipy this episode and i love love it because now it's episode what was this seven so everybody's finally comfortable and they're just starting to be bitches for no reason which is what we want in our housewives so lisa comes out the gate with you know what the saddest thing in the world is poor little lame donkey horses who have now glue also people who get divorced, isn't it the worst? Yeah. Isn't that a terrible thing?

Luckily, none of us have been divorced before. Oh, Arlene, there you are. Hello. We're talking about mutual friends, aren't we, Lisa Rinna? Aren't we? And Lisa Rinna's like, yep, yep, mutual friends, so sad. And then Kyle goes, people who get divorced like that, I mean, they're just, like, gross. I mean, disgusting. Like, Kyle, it's not the divorce that she has a problem with. It's how they do it. Right. goes people who get divorced like that i mean they're just like gross i mean disgusting like

kyle it's not the divorce that she has a problem with it's how they do it right why can't be people be nicer in divorce that is disgusting stupid so we don't find out who they're talking about but then we know it's a fake setup anyway because of how lisa vanderpump talks because as i've said a million times she's the worst actress in the world so you know when she's faking it. And this was definitely one of those lead-in lines, like, Hello, my poor friends. It's so sad they're getting a divorce. It's like a cue line for a scrim to fly in or some shit.

So they start talking, and then she says, Arlene, you've been divorced. Arlene! You've been divorced. Arlene! You've been divorced, darling. Yeah. Really? So you've been married twice? No, three times.

Three times! Duh! She's acting like a donkey just jumped out of a cake and she's never seen that before. What the hell are you talking about, Vanderpump? Yeah, but to be fair, I think that if think that, you know, you know, I think that if you're like talking to a friend and you find out, oh, my God, you had a I had no idea that there was a first husband like a fling. You know, I think it's an understandable response to be like, oh, my God, I had no idea. That's crazy, you know. And she's like asking.

So then she starts asking Eileen about how she met Vinny. But the thing is is she kept she keeps referring to it as the affair she's like so so when did the affairs you kissed him he was on the show and then you kissed him is that when the affair began oh but tell me more about the affair and you can see every time she said affair eileen would get so uncomfortable because you know it's uncomfortable to remember the fact that their relationship relationship was sort of. Born out of infidelity. But as much as Eileen was upset. It's like girl though.

That's like that's the truth of it. Like I know it's like upsetting to you. Use harsh language like affair. But it's what happened. Yeah you did have an affair. And what you're going to suddenly. We're supposed to feel bad for you. Because we aren't talking about your affair properly.

Get out of here. You're the one who stole someone's husband. Like, no one has to worry about insensitivity about your relationship when you've got a stolen husband. Come on now. And then her math is so bad. And Lisa was, I think, kind of being a bitch on purpose because Vanderpump resents the fact that Eileen wasn't on her side and went to the hotel with everybody else? I actually don't think she's being a bitch on purpose. I think she was drunk and she was just asking.

Remember, they've been drinking all day. And so I think she was just like probing. Perhaps, you know, maybe she was probing too far. But I actually didn't think her questions were for considering the friendship that they have. If they had just met, that's too much. But, like, they know each other at this point, and she's just asking questions, and she wants to know about their relationship

and yada, yada, yada. So, when you play Monopoly, do you cheat? Oh, it's just a sidebar. All right, anyway. And then Eileen says, oh, she's grilling me about Vince. And then Kyle says, oh, well, you know,

she has an Easter bonnet and an accent, so it all sounds nice. And then Lisa says, oh, she's grilling me about Vince. And then Kyle says, oh, well, you know, she has an Easter bonnet and an accent, so it all sounds nice. And then Lisa says, it's okay, darling. All right, Eileen, come on, turn to me. And then Eileen still won't face her. And she's like, come on, Eileen, look at me, darling. You can ask me whatever you want, darling. I'm an open book. All right, so about cheating.

So do you watch The Affair on Showtime? How does that compare to your affair? Were you thinner than her or fatter than her? Tell me what it was. Now, what's funny is, I mean, because Lisa Rinna was like, Lisa Vanderpump is being insensitive, insensitive. And I didn't really think she was being insensitive. But that being said, Lisa obviously knew on some level she was maybe making Eileen uncomfortable because why else would she say, remember, you can ask me anything you want.

I know you're uncomfortable, but you can feel free to grill me too. So she knew. But I didn't think it was unreasonable. I don't think it was like... It was borderline nosy, but for me, I

thought it read on the... I don't think it crossed that line. I'm a conspiracy theorist, so I just figured the second that Eileen didn't go to that hotel – I mean, Lisa already knows that she's got Kyle. She's got Kyle on a trial basis because she knows how Kyle is, and she'll turn in a second. She knows Rinna is a Kyle friend. So I think that she was expecting more of Eileen because she gave Eileen a closet tour, okay? She's like, I showed you the inside of me, my closet. How dare you treat me like this?

And Lisa holds a little shit like that. Now, whether that's true, who knows? That's my conspiracy theory. But also the fact that they cut to Lisa saying, oh, three times. They say three times a charm. I must have been fortunate enough to get it right the first time. Which, of course, they did this interview, I'm sure, after the confrontation with Eileen, where Lisa is now on the defensive and cut it in there anyway. So who knows?

But if Eileen had said, look, Lisa, you're making me uncomfortable. You're asking about an affair on national TV at a group dinner like move on if you want to talk about this we can talk about it some other time and then lisa got defensive or whatever then that would have been fine by me but eileen waits we you know she's been known to wait weeks to bring shit up that's so insignificant like the like the american psycho comment that Brandy made at her house. I mean, of all the things, all the offenses that Brandy has done, that that's the one that stuck.

It's kind of hilarious. She basically... She called my picture frames American Psycho. She said you should get an A tattooed on your chest for the rest of your life, and you're worried about her criticizing your faux painting from the 80s in your kitchen. Yeah, whatever. life and you're worried about her criticizing your faux painting from the 80s in your kitchen yeah yeah whatever so then we uh then we see uh some swans of the hamptons hanky's cousins

in the hamptons oh we didn't mention that jill zarin wasn't allowed into this party which is hilarious and we didn't see it on camera but that was in the news this well you know the blogs the news that jill was trying to get in and she wasn't in and lisa responded oh i love jill zarin you know but i'm not in charge of the party highlights magazine was in charge of it and unfortunately they hate her guts and she steals silverware from everywhere she goes so they wouldn't let her in um you'll have to talk to the good people of 321 Contact magazine in order to get your passports. Please contact the Varapack and let them know what you think. And Jill Zarin, of course, is saying, oh, well, you know, there's so many parties in the Hamptons.

I don't have to break in anywhere. I just wanted to come wave hello at the gate. And Lisa said on Watch What Happens, i waved to her from behind the gate so perfect and then jill is posting pictures like she was there because she's taking pictures from behind the gate or whatever and she's like look there's the ladies talking here's a different view oh look now here's me talking to ken while he's telling me you know he loves me while ken's like i'm sorry you've got to go yeah please take your daughter with you all right all right there's no tupperware allowed here please go uh anyway that's just a fun side note so we move on from there we move on from dinner

which has now become this huge drama because of course in my opinion kyle has everybody riled up she works behind the scenes. So now Eileen's mad, which Kyle had nothing to do. I'm not saying she did. But Lisa Rinna is after Vanderpump for no reason. I'm not really sure what Rinna's up to, but she's obviously coming in with something this season. She has soap allegiance, so she's allied with eileen i guess but she got pissed like three times in this episode for no reason and she got sick well which i think she

was just sick of the ho shaming but um next what was next because so now the next day the next day kyle called bethany because k because Kyle and Bethany are friends. In case you never saw that picture of Kyle and Bethany together that's been on the internet since who knows when. We started learning about how they've been friends for 25 years and yada, yada, yada. I was sort of like laughing to myself that Bethany's credit on this show is Kyle's friend. Just was like a funny kind of understatement of who Bethany is to is to bravo isn't it a crazy world because i didn't know that i didn't know that they were or maybe i just knew it and forgot it which is more likely but i didn't know that and the fact that they were friends when they were so young and then bethany got on uh real housewives because

of zarin right right and then uh bethanyany became besties with Andy and now basically casts every show ever. And so obviously she got Kyle on her show. It's a crazy little inbred non-breeding world if you think about it. It's like all these non-breeding people. Well, I guess Bethany's breeding. But with Andy, you know. You can't call it inbred when you're not breeding. But you know what I mean.

Like it's kind of inbred. I like it. Yeah. inbred when you're not breeding but you know what i mean like it's kind of inbred i like it yeah so um so so so basically they're gonna be going over bethany's place later that day and my first thought was if eileen thinks that lisa vanderpump is a is a griller if like if lisa what the questions that lisa vanderpump was asking if that counts as grilling. I can only imagine what it's going to be like when she meets Bethany. And Kyle is looking like she's ready to go to Disneyland. She's like, oh, we're going to Bethany's. Can't wait to see what she thinks of Erika Jayne. Because, you know, Kyle is not going to be the one to throw the first stone because of what happened with Brandy. I mean, basically, she slut shamed brandy from the second she saw her because kyle

hates girls like this she hates like proud sluts you know and uh she did not like brandy hit her crutches did all that did all that crap and then brandy became the most loved victim of all time until she turned the next season but kyle's learned her lesson so she's gonna let everybody else do it in this case bethany and i like that bethany's so up front with what kyle's already told her you know because they're friends and they talk shit but she's like what's vanderpump doing huh vanderpump's still a cut it's like oh geez here we go well i like that um when kyle told bethany about like how how lisa was on the cover of bella magazine but he's like what is that i never of it. You can just imagine Yolanda across the country being like,

that's what I always say when someone says Bella. Never heard of it. Who is that? Terrible numerology. Do you know what a mulligan is? I would like to use one. How do you do a do-over? I would love to control Z that one.

I took the silicone out of my breasts, but Bella is still here. I don't understand. I thought I was turning back the clock. Post-birth abortion is illegal, but control Z is not. So then we had the scene of Eileen and Lisa Rinna trying desperately to get onto a Wi-Fi network. This was like a master class in Soap Stars dealing with technology. Like Southampton. Okay.

1H. Okay. It's not going through. I don't get it. I don't get it. Should we go to the deli? My daughter's at the deli. She can help us.

I brought my daughter here, but she's not spoiled, so she's making toast down the street. Oh, poor ladies. But it is sort of funny to watch them try to get onto wi-fi network i could actually probably watch an hour of eileen and lisa trying to get onto wi-fi all right let's try this now if we go over here is this better what i don't understand what's happening what's happening with my phone you beasts meanwhile kyle's just standing in the corner of the kitchen waiting for someone to comment on her short shorts moo moo with her like jewels over her exposed shoulders. Why, Kyle? Why? By the way, two episodes and Kyle has yet to visit her pop-up shop.

Just putting that out there. Kyle by Eileen 2 is really struggling. Kyle by Eileen on the cul-de-sac, darling. Yeah. So then they all get into a limo because they're going to go wine tasting. And then they go pick up Lisa. And Lisa gets in and she's like, how did you sleep? I just imagine her being like, how did you sleep?

Did you have an affair? Was there another affair that happened last night, Eileen? Eileen, looking at you, enjoying this. Enjoying this wine tasting affair we're about to go on. So you've rented another woman's bed for Eileen to sleep in. How fitting. Hope it was comfortable, darling. Is it cold enough for you to wear a dickie, darling,

or are those just too out of fashion now? Oh, well, just find something else. I'm sure there's something else to keep you warm through the winter. No offense, darling. Grill me whenever you need to. Now, darling, when we go to the wine-chasing, just try not to get too drunk, because I would hate for you to have an affair with someone there, too.

Eileen would love to try every glass of wine, but she won't commit until she's been drinking someone else's for three years. All right, darling. Now, Eileen, remember, you don't have to drink all the wine. You can always spit. I'm sure that was something you did with Vinny in the early days, right? Darling, please don't swallow Charles Shaw.

He's married. Oh, you know, I'm just joking, darling. You can ask me anything you want. So, um, they go, um, they go wine tasting. I couldn't help but wonder where the hell was Ina Garten, by the way. This was like,

this was like so close to being a Barefoot Contest episode and yet no Ina. You know, like all we needed was Ina to get into the limo and be like, today I bring my friends to my favorite vineyard and then afterwards I'm making coq au vin. How fun is that? How fun is that? Or I kind of wish – actually, this is what the episode would be. Ina would be in her kitchen cooking something, looking at the onions going, hmm. And then she turns to the camera and goes, hmm, my friends are over at the wine tasting. I wonder what they're up to.

And then we cut to these bitches getting drunk, watching Erika Jayne videos. Just indulge me while I have a coffee-fueled Ina Garten fantasy. No, I'm loving it. I'm watching it right now. I'm like, wow, this is so good. They'd be like, she's so fat. They'd be horrible. Real housewives do not need to go on that show.

They'd be like, that bitch is in the kitchen all day, okay? Get out of there. Yeah. Your kitchen is too small, darling. So they were wine tasting, and Lisa Rinna, so she's like she's like well i haven't met eric yet but i looked at her video and well i'm not judging i'm just reporting i'm like you know you're judging you're judging lisa it's okay it's really not because rena's bugging me at this point because to me rena would not give a shit.

She talked last year about how she watches porn with her husband and she's so sexually free. She's done Playboy twice, once when she was freaking pregnant for crying out loud and she didn't do the most innocent Playboy shots in the world. I mean, I think there's a full-on Coups centerfold which they were looking at in last year's limo scene

when they were making fun of Lisa Rinna behind buying her back so this seems total kyle to me and i'm not really sure why you're going to be ho shaming the only thing i could come up with watching it was that lisa rena is paid for coup shots you know because she's a playboy model so to her there's value in pussy so when you see someone like erica giving it away for free on YouTube, it's like, dude, you're really watering down my market. Like, don't be taking away the paid Coos market. It's just not cool, you know? Yeah, exactly. It's like people who get mad at torrent sites or community theater versions of Broadway shows that haven't been released to community theaters yet.

You know, it's like, that's not legal yet. All right. Samuel French is going to come after you you I'm not sure what it is and normally on these shows when there's a girl like Erica or Brandy or one of these girl or Carlton who's just like I'm a whore and I'm proud of it you know normally that gets on my goddamn nerves because if your whole life is built around being hot enough for some rich guy to bang you and like you can't read a book to expand your mind. I don't know. I'm mixed up. But for some reason, Erica has such a like I've already won this Monopoly game and you all lose and I'm richer than you and I'm still a dumb whore.

So get in line, bitches. Deadline. It makes me respect her. And I'm still a dumb whore. So get in line, bitches. Deadline. It makes me respect her. By the way, I have to interrupt the podcast with some very sad news I just saw on the internet right now. I know, Ben.

I mean, they come in threes, right? They come in threes. Oh, no. First David Bowie. Someone's dead now? Who is it? First David Bowie. Then Alan Rickman.

Alan Rickman died? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Don't tell me it's Ken Vanderpump. No. Is it Jiggy? No, but it is actually. It's like the Ken Vanderpump of music.

Oh, God. Who would that be? Rene. Rene. Who's that? Celine Dion's husband died. Rene. Oh, wow.

That's sad. Take him up. Oh, poor Rene. Poor Celine. I don't know. I feel like it's always important Take them up. Oh, poor Renee. Poor Celine. I don't know. I feel like it's always important to break in with Celine Dion news. Okay. Well, that is very bad news because nobody wants anybody wonderful or anybody evil either to lose a husband.

And so that's horrible. And I'm so sorry to say this, but you know Celine Dion gets to work less now because Renee is off gambling all her damn money away that she makes in Vegas. So it's fitting that this came up during Real housewives of beverly hills sorry renee rest in peace but celine get ready to take a month off girl not the response i was expecting um and also yeah really did die what do you think you're talking to what what response were you expecting exactly i thought you were gonna have like going to have a moment of poor Celine. Celine's been paying that man's gambling bills for years, okay? There's no poor Celine in this. If anything, it's richer Celine, darling.

It's not poor Celine. It's more wealthy Celine. But that is sad. But I don't know, Renee, really. I just know Celine's beautiful voice. And as long as they don't take that away from me, I'm fine, darling. I can go on living. Yeah.

Well. Clear. Anyway, that was a very non-Crap-ins moment. I just thought it was important to share, like, breaking Celine Dion news. That was a very Crap-ins moment. I got to trash somebody who literally just died. So it was a golden day for me. Just kidding, everybody.

Sorry. So anyway, back to Beverly Hills. So the women are now drunk at the wine tasting. And they're drunk. They're looking at Erica's videos. And they're doing that thing where they're like, I love it. It's just outrageous. I love it.

I love it. But they're all jealous. And then a bee comes around. So, of course, if there's a bee, then, of course, Kyle has to, you know, make a whole scene. You know, she wonders why her daughters are neurotic when they get their ears pierced.

Because it's like there's Kyle running around like a Benny Hill moment. And then they go into the vineyard. And then Kyle's like, do you think there are ticks here? I'm like, yeah, bitch. Yeah. And, like, how dare you say that when when yolanda is suffering across the country she knows i'm just that's what's so amazing she fucking knows they you know lisa rena just got done talking about how insensitive lisa vanderpump is and now she's making tick jokes with kyle like come on bitches

please like let's all stop pretending that we better hoes than the other hoes, okay? Like, y'all hoes. And when Lisa Rinna said, I mean, when Lisa Vanderpump said, Rinna's not worried about being judgmental. She's worried about being judged for being judgmental. It was so, so beautifully said that I don't even care if she's being a cut fitness in this show. She's still my queen. So there you go. You know what?

People have to calm down about using the word judgmental pejoratively, okay? Because everyone passes judgment. And when you start accusing people of being judgmental, you're actually just being a huge hypocrite because everyone passes judgment. There's such a thing as passing judgment prematurely or without reason or acting on those judgments. You may have a judgment of someone and then you're like, well, I'm not going to be friends with them because I don't like the way they look. Well, that's bad. But to be just purely judgmental, you're allowed to have opinions on things. be just purely judgmental, you're allowed to have opinions on things. And when people act or dress a certain way, when they do that, generally speaking, they are actively selecting an appearance for themselves that's like they're trying to

make associations, create an image for themselves, a persona, et cetera, et cetera. So if you're putting that out there, then obviously people are allowed to judge. Now, of course, that's not always the case, but that's why there's such a thing as a first impression, and it's okay. Yes, I agree. If you don't judge things,

like if you're making soup, okay, and you taste it, and you pass no judgment, how are you going to know how much salt to put in that soup you don't know is it salty is it not salty enough you don't know you need judgment all right when people say you is your judgment it means don't walk into the middle of the street and get run over you're supposed to judge people okay judge them but just don't be too mean about it

and to say you're not judgmental but then be on tv telling a whole table of women what a slut this girl is and then passing around her video so they can judge for themselves what a slut this girl is of course the girl's a slut but come on you're a soap opera actress who married like a hot guy like you know about being a slut let's stop now everybody's a hoe at the end of the day just calm down over there yeah exactly and i think we can all agree the most offensive part about that music video is not erica jane's slutty clothing and look whatever it's just the music i can't believe they made us why did they make us listen to that 10 times the most offensive thing about the scene to me wasn't really even rena or the b or any of that it was the gator because you know that those gay waiters i was like are they in fire island right now

because i did not know the waiters were even this still gay and i am one of them okay but when the waiter comes on and he's like this next wine is like a campfire in your mouth without the flame yeah come on man is that supposed to to sound good? It sounds like some cold sticks in a dirt pit. Yeah, exactly. It's like a big bowl of feces without the mushiness. Great.

Delicious. Pour another, darling. So next, Erica's coming to the house. She's taking her small plane to the large plane, to a train, to a bus. She's like the transportation authority. And she's showing up. She has robbed Chanel.

She is wearing so much Chanel stuff around her neck. I mean, it's like a chain that has Chanel like seas everywhere. It's just like nothing but Chanel seas all over her neck. Yes. And I love it because Kyle, in one of her turny turn things to the camera what are they they call those where they're like now it's a kyle scene and then they show kyle posing i don't know what those are called yeah one of those kyle is like showing off her double c uh bracelet and i was like of course kyle is wearing like a double c word bracelet you know and then Erica shows up with three

and one is a dog chain like yeah I may be a bitch I may be an own bitch but I got three C's mess with me that was like not just a dog chain those chain links it looked like she stole them from like the Long Beach Harbor port of Los Angeles I mean those things were like

the kind of things that hold back ships it was huge it's like the kind of chain kingsley is using right now somewhere in some farm in heaven so i i like erica you know i think she's pretty funny and cool and what i loved is that you know as she's as she's there she's talking to the women and lisa is like wow wow you're really out there i saw your video wow i and erica's like chatting with them and she tells us that like hang out with what she's like you know when you hang out with women instead of gays it's different she's like you have to listen i was like that is so perfect because you know when she's up there in her loft and her gay is like oh my god

your boobs look great i love her vagina i love all your thing you know she's like yeah yeah yeah she's not listening to him it's just noise she hears general flattery don't listen to him she's like my husband is not paying for these people to be my friends and i have to make an effort god damn it normally i would hate to i would hate somebody who walks in dressed like a baby gap version of chanel because that was like chanel but it's all baby versions like nothing fits it's all too small and then she's got toddlers and tiara's hair and then she's wearing sunglasses that god they probably cost more than dana's entire legal you know history uh on her face she doesn't take

them off inside i just want to hate erica every time i see her i just i think i'm just gonna hate this bitch and then i love her but she's cool making all the other ladies so nervous is so hilarious to me lisa rena doesn't even know what to do with this girl she has no idea she's completely uh out of her mind with what to do she doesn't know how to speak she doesn't know how to take it she doesn't know how to judge it when she tells her so erica i, I just have to say, I admit, I watched your video. And here's what I have to say. Like, wow. Gosh.

I mean, whoa. And then Erica's like, yeah, well, you know, when I conceived of this video and the way that we went about doing this video. It's like you're not on the actor's studio drop it yeah it's what's my it's my alter it's my it's my alter ego so you know i like it because it's like i'm erica jen and i'm alexa giraldi she basically is toya she's my toya voice i'll take an ambulance to the video shoot. And then while she's in her actor studio, Rinna asks her, pretending she's being nice, but she's totally being a cut fitness. She goes, so what you do, is it like acting or?

And Erica says, yeah, I'm an actor. It's like being an actor. I feel it and then I become it. And it's my art. It's what my art is. I feel it and then I become it. And it's my art. It's what my art is. And then Eileen comes in. Thank God for Eileen. Eileen comes in.

I don't say that often unless I'm watching Days of All Lives. But Eileen comes in and says, do you love that Lisa's acting so shocked? You know she was in Playboy, right? And again, yeah. acting so shocked you know she was in playboy right and uh again yeah but renna's looking at it like that's something classy because playboy is looked at as a milestone in a hoe's life i mean that's like the biggest one you can get to you know it's a goal post that she reached and this girl now they're not gonna yeah they're not gonna show nudity in playboy anymore so um so then we go to Yolanda. Yolanda is in bed. She's gotten her boobies out.

And she is on the road to recovery. She's like, you know, it feels like someone shot a cannon in my chest. A cannon. A cannon. A cannon. A cannon. A cannon. She usually gets me dictionary.

It reminds me of Bella. She come in and she say, con. I cannot. I cannot. Gigi gets me dictionary. It reminds me of Bella. She come in and she say, can't. I say, none. And she leaves. Yolanda's ridiculous. She's not. Her whole scenes, her scenes are so sad to watch because David is such a piece of shit. That guy is awful.

But I really hope that she watches all of these episodes so that she can see in the scene right before this, Erika Jean has a jumpsuit and she's like, I've got to put my jumpsuit in the shower. Which made no sense, but it's hilarious that she's showering her jumpsuit. No, no, no, no, no. Because you turn the shower on and the steam from the shower steams out all the wrinkles. I knew you were going gonna say that too when that when that moment happened i was like oh i bet rodney's gonna make fun of erica putting the jump seat in the shower that was the funniest thing to me she's like i put my jump seat in the shower

and i thought god please let yolanda get that idea because those white jeans have got to take a bath sooner or later so we get to dav David, my love. Yeah. Oh yeah. I was gonna say, cause Lisa, so Lisa calls up to check in on Yolanda and David Foster. It's such a dick. He's like, yeah,

now Ken has better tits than my wife. Huh? So gross. Jesus shit. And Yolanda looks so hurt. And he's like, what? Um,

and Lisa's biggest, it's only a part of your identity. That's been removed. That's all. She loved having those big boobs. It's only the reason I ish. Well, it's only a part of your identity that's been removed. That's all. She loved having those big boobs. It's only the reason I left you. I mean, it's only the reason I married you that are gone now. Bye.

And then they show him rubbing her boobs again in the car. Man, the guy's just such a pig, you know. And Yolanda's telling him, this isn't what you signed up for. Is it, my love? It's not what you signed up for. He's like, you signed the prenup let's stop talking about signing things i made my argument so he's a jerk vanderpump makes sure she calls on camera which is very sweet and uh publicity aware which is good for her and she's

mad that they didn't send the pink roses what idiots don't know how to send pink roses and why do you need to send your friend who's possibly dying of like 500 different diseases your favorite color? How does that make any sense? Send her some Chocolibans or something. I want your pink roses. Noted. Well, if I was dying in a hospital and you sent me like a Think Thin bar a board game i'd be like well thanks for being so sensitive to my needs ben you know yeah and you're only visiting because the podcast is recording

it's true though that's exactly what you would get and it's exactly what i'd visit and that's why i'm mad at lisa something's better than nothing with me something's better than nothing ronnie so just accept the bar, enjoy the game, and shut the fuck up before I put a pillow over your face. Hang on. So Kyle shows up. You know I'd eat through a pillow. Kyle shows up at the skinny

girl display mansion. And knowing Bethany brings her a huge gift, so Bethany's like, you got me a gift. Thank you so much. Bethany's wearing tuxedo. Is it a plate? Is this a bowl? I can't tell. It's long. It got me a gift thank you so much um bethany's wearing tuxedo is it a plate is it a plate is this a bowl i can't tell it's long it looks like a plate this is a serving platter i mean i don't know i can't i can't understand this thing that you gave me i was trying to put on the bench it's going to show i i mean seriously just like kill me right now

this gift kill me right now it's too much i can't believe too much you have to give this to me on camera because you know jason's gonna want a piece of this. Yeah. So she shows off her beautiful home. Well, like a couple of rooms of it. Bethany looks great, by the way. I want to say Bethany looks fantastic. Even if she's wearing an outfit that sort of ages her a little bit, she looks fantastic. You think her outfit ages her?

I don't even know what time period that outfit is from. It's a poncho, but it's made out of tuxedo material, and then there's a big hole in the front. I's like a, it's a poncho, but it's made out of tuxedo material and then there's a big hole in the front. I'm not really getting it. It was like, I kind of like loved it because it was sort of

this big flowy, glamorous thing, but it did make, it was something that like I feel like a 50 year old would wear, but she looked great. And she's hanging out

with Kyle, so she's trying to wear whatever her version of a caftan is. So I thought that was nice. It looked like a fabric version of a stingray. It was just a flowy white thing you know she is kind of and she does have a barb so in traditional bethany design mode bethany's designed this beautiful home and then

she's turned a shack in the backyard into a bar so she doesn't have to have anybody mess up her house when she has parties and i just thought that was so fucking funny she's like okay this is the shack okay that's it there's a bathroom here that's it don't let anybody in the kitchen like literally i'm homeless like i used to have a home and i turned it into a bar like literally i'm homeless in the back there academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop

Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts listen everywhere on february 5th or you can listen early and ad free on wondery plus starting january 29th join wondery plus on the wondery app or on apple podcasts i built this so i'd never be homeless again um they start talking about old stories of when they met each other at some restaurant, which was really cute.

Because Bethany just came up to her and was like, hi, I'm dating your ex-boyfriend. Why did you pay so much for eye makeup remover? Because it's still in the bathroom and I'm disgusted that you would waste so much money. It's disgusting. Like, shut up. Why do you have mayonnaise on your fingers? Because you were going through your mom's mayonnaise jar looking for diamonds. All right.

I look at that makeup remover and I think, I don't get it. Like, what's the brand here? I don't see what it is, okay? It's like, is it a remover? Is it, like, an astringent? Like, I don't get it. Like, what is it? Like, what am I doing with it?

Like, and whose is it? Like, where did it come from? Like, is it from Mars? Like, is it a girl? Like, who did it? Like, why does it say Richard's? Like, I don't, who is Richard and there's already an eye makeup remover called eye makeup remover so your eye makeup remover needs better branding i'm embarrassed to have

had sex with the same person that you have sex with so rebrand like literally we're driving around little girls right now like nikki and paris like who are these girls in my car and like why am i driving like like why am i a chauffeur like like what is this that i'm doing like how am i doing this like like why are you like seriously like kill me now but like don't kill the children because the children and i wouldn't want that to happen but like seriously the wall is like the wall between the front the passengers and me is up like literally it's but it's not going up like seriously tell me right now so bethany immediately brings up the twitch, you know, Twitch arrest because that just happened. And Kyle doesn't get mad because she's asking in a way that's like, how do you feel?

Which is very different than Kyle's usually asked. But I liked it because she's like, so Twitch, jail, shock. How do you feel? You okay? By the way, Twitch is Kim Richards. Twitch is Kim Richards for people who don't know. Oh, yeah. Kim Twitchards.

So how's she doing? How's Kim? Ah, jail. Shock up. Oh, yeah, Kim Twitchards. So how's she doing? How's Kim? Ah, jail. Shocker. Franzia. Ah, backseat. Pretension paying. I mean, who does that?

And Kyle's like, I'm sick of talking about it, but Bethany really cares, so it's okay. And Bethany really does understand Kim Richards. A, she's known her for a long time. B, you know she had like three Adderall for breakfast, which is very close to meth. And she's reminding us that she's poor a million times so she gets stealing from a dollar aisle and it was actually nice seeing someone understand both twitch and kyle at the same time yeah it was nice and you know the other thing is that we learned um after the scene was that lisa rena

also was friends with bethany and that they they had had met once when Lisa was going to go meet up with Kelly Bensimone at a fashion show. And then this was the highlight of the episode for me because we saw a flashback. And ladies and gentlemen, we had a triple Bravo crossover. It was Real Housewives of Beverly Hills meets Real Housewives of New York City meets Secrets and Wives because Corey from Secrets and Wives was in the mix in this little scene very briefly. Did you see Corey? I sure did. She like walked in, looked around, and then sat down. I was like, wow.

This fashion show sucks. It sucks. Am I right? She's like, I'm naming some place Truth and Beauty. What do you think of that? Nope. I don't like the branding. Make it a plus sign. People like to add, you know, so make it like truth plus beauty, you know, because truth plus beauty is like a real woman, you know, truth and beauty. Like that could mean too many things.

Rebrand. Not enough food here. Not enough food. I need some bagels over here. Sandy, Sandy, bring some bagels to the fashion show, Sandy. Fashion show sucks. Bring some bagels to the fashion show, Sandy. Fashion show sucks. Enough people weren't coming in here, so my husband's outside pushing traffic cones together so he can funnel everybody towards the anal plugs.

What was it? The anal soap? What was his name? Yeah, it was not anal. It was the anal massage. Anal beads? I don't know. The anal massager.

You know, I was really let down by this fashion show because Sandy didn't get on the mic and tell everyone how much she loves me i was really disappointed you got lison paralyzed fashion's so amazing i'm paralyzed we also got some good past stories about bethany being hired to drive kathy hilton's kids around and then getting into a screaming match with paris and hilt uh paris and nikki hilton at a mini mart that was pretty good and then mother into a screaming match with Paris and Nikki Hilton at a mini mart. That was pretty good. And then Mother Hilton hiding all of her diamonds in a mayonnaise jar. There's some good shit in here. I could watch those two for a good spinoff hour.

Yeah. So Bethany immediately starts asking about the new hoe on the block. And she's like, what's a Sarah girl? Show me a picture of the Sarah. What is wrong with her? Look at her. Oh, she's beautiful. Keeps aica girl show me a picture of this what is wrong with her look at her oh she's beautiful uh keeps a lot upkeep oh what is it what's her face what's wrong with her face oh her face is beautiful oh i don't know about this girl just going on and on and this girl is not even here yet i'm so excited so yeah kyle is kind of baiting her along like yeah well you know she's married to a 76 year old 76 what i mean that's amazing

i mean but that's that's rough to do you know she's like a god rail basically you know she's like a walking piece of toilet paper like cleaning up a trail of crap i mean what she has a private plane okay that bobby and then she calls her barbie and she calls her bambi a lot which i found interesting because bambi's a fucking hero. Okay. Yeah. I actually never saw Bambi. You didn't see Bambi? So I have no idea.

Well, it's very interesting because Bambi's mother was killed very early on. Oh. I'm sorry, but it's not a spoiler. That was in 1940. So Brandy's mother was dead. Suddenly we're all feeling for Brandy. Bambi was about Brandy Glanville. Just kidding. Bambi was this little adorable deer, and his mother got shot in front of him by hunters.

I don't know. And his dad was like the prince of the forest and owned everything. And then Bambi made a couple friends to be a hoe with in the forest and stuff and like wait tables or whatever and then Bambi they all decide that they're not going to fall in love because love is for suckers and so they won't open themselves up to love but then Bambi gets a crush after his other friends get married off and he has no one to hang

out with and then the new crush he ends up getting into a fight to win this new girl against like some other deer that was trying to get her and then he realizes that love is worth fighting for and he opens up his heart and i'm like this is a very interesting oh and then he inherits the entire forest and runs everything so the reason that i'm telling you that story is because the fact that bethany keeps bringing it up as a criticism you're talking to

a woman with major mommy issues that have not been resolved. You're talking to a woman who's obsessed with empires and blah, blah, blah, and saying Bambi like it's a bad thing. Bambi, resolve the mommy issues. Why are dopey girls called Bambi in the first place? Bambi is a boy. I mean, I know. Is it like a gender-fluid name now? Well, Bambi is like a really big stripper name,

and I think that the reason strippers name themselves Bambi is because it's about not needing a partner for the most part just like making your own way in the forest until like it's the last second you know your your boobs are shriveling up and then suddenly you decide that love's okay i don't know what it is also bambi becomes rich in the end it's like someone who can't attach themselves to other people but then still become rich. But anyway, Bambi solved the mommy issues. Bambi ended up taking the entire forest over and fought for true love. All of the things

that Bethany wants but doesn't have. So you keep being jealous of Bambi over there, Bethany. Yeah. So on the drive, I think it was at this point, right, when Lisa starts to ask Erica questions about... Well, first of all, Lisa's like, oh, I saw your video. It was very erotic.

Erica's like, yeah, that's the point. And then Lisa starts asking Erica all these – this happens here, right, when she starts asking all these questions. And Lisa again does the thing like, ask me anything you want. So tell me about your husband's penis. anything you want. So tell me about your husband's penis. Does your 76-year-old husband poop randomly? Okay. Do you

have to carry paper towels in your purse for your husband? Okay. Does your husband trip over his balls? Tell me everything, darling. And Erica's getting pissy and saying, I think that's Lisa Vanderpump ask people questions because it's how she controls people and she likes to keep her ducks in a row um you're right in a way

and i'm sure that yolanda told you that but she's also asking you questions because she's also married to a senior citizen okay that's exactly what i was gonna say she's bored that's i wrote that note somewhere here but i was like yeah oh yeah so i actually i think the grilling happened later in the episode my apologies for going out of order but yeah that's exactly it like i wrote down she's asking these questions because she's got nothing else she lives in a house with a bunch of swans and balding dogs like this is the most interesting thing that's happened to her in a long time so please like just let the old lady have a have a moment and she seems genuinely interested i didn't think she was being mean but erica's treating it like she's being mean and she's giving curt answers and

staring out the window and acting like she's being grilled and then saying that lisa vanderpump's being controlling and lisa actually looked hurt in that scene that she that this was another person who's like refusing to talk to her you know she's like well i can tell you're very happy darling the way you talk congratulations she's like where's lala she can answer questions for me lala lala's like don't control me oh lisa goes goes off like Charlie Brown, sulking away. Erica's not. Lisa goes to kick a ball.

She falls on her butt. Oh, Lisa. I think, if anything, Erica's the one being controlling. Because she can scare all the other women with her upfront sexuality and her hodom. And she can make them all uncomfortable. And that's why Erica's always shoving that shit down everybody's throat like literally yeah she's she's trying to be controlling by uh being crazy with her slut personality she's afraid of someone like lisa because she knows that lisa runs an entire stable of sluts okay lisa could be the best madam of any whorehouse ever and lisa knows how to deal with a randy ho she can love you

and she can also tell you off when you need to be told off and she can possibly one day teach you to properly pronounce chilean sea bass you know she's there and i think that someone like that is threatening to erica because she can't control her with her fake stupid personality and she can't enrage her with her stupid personality and i like it yeah so um so when the women show up at bethany's place bethany of course greets erica with like passive aggressive praise she's like oh my god i've been watching your videos i'm obsessed with you i'm obsessed which is always which is code for i was just talking shit about you but i'm gonna say this that way it looks like that when I was talking shit about you, it was part of me loving you. It was like, no, you're not obsessed with her.

You're just getting ready to tear her apart. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Did your husband's plane have trouble getting over my gravel driveway in the mansion that I paid for myself? Oh, I hope not. Okay, come in. I'm obsessed with you. I don't understand your brand at all.

I look at it. I don't know what it is. But I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed. I don't understand you. I'm obsessed. You're a big hoe. I'm obsessed.

Like, literally, I think you're a terrible person. I'm obsessed with you. I love that when they go and they sit down at the table that Bethany has set up outside. Lisa Vanderpump's like, oh, look at the sexy sunflower. Like, it's just a sunflower, honey. It's like, it's plucked from Blossom's hat at the Smithsonian. Oh, it's so sexy.

So sexy. Erica knows about sexiness, don't you, Erica? Ask me anything about my sunflowers. Look at these sad sunflowers needing to face the sun at all times, unlike my pink roses, which just bloom because love is in the air. Though I really was noting a lot about Erica in this scene. Mostly Bethany was being a total C word right up front. And Erica loved it because this is where Erica can speak the

language. She wants women to hate her she's used to women hating her and she's ready with her offensive I was a cocktail waitress and a blah blah and I met my husband on the light shift or whatever just trying to call me a hooker she's coming out with all that

because she can fight against the i like hookers she's coming out with all that because she can fight against the women i think she's all she's been ready to fight this whole time like she's been ready to go at it but no one's really going for her yet and it's made her so uncomfortable so when she sees someone like bethany coming for her it almost makes her happy because she'll have something to do you know i'm actually looking actually looking forward to a few episodes down the line because Erika still looks visibly uncomfortable with these women. She's very stiff. You can see she's very guarded because she's feeling them out.

I mean, she just met Lisa Rinna right now. She's just meeting everyone. But in a few episodes, I think she's going to start loosening up, and I'm excited for what she's going to be like. Yeah, me too because I'm not really sure yet, and I have a feeling I'm for what she's going to be like. Yeah, me too, because I'm not really sure yet. And I have a feeling I'm giving her a Glanville edit in my mind and I'm liking her because she's a victim and not liking her because I really like

her. Cause I'm not really sure with her yet. She's not really a big, I mean, they, they, I mean, they,

they're past aggressive, but they're not, you know, compared to the way the reception that Brandy got when she first showed up. I mean, Erica is really, you know, she's practically like getting the full coming to america experience with dancers and rose petals well behind their back i i think is what i mean like the way they're talking about

her and trying to ho shame her every time she's not in the room and stuff like that yeah um and i think i'm worried that i'm liking her for the wrong reasons but you know let me that so then they're having dinner they're having dinner. They're having dinner. And sure enough, Bethany starts giving unsolicited branding advice to Erika Jayne. And in my mind, I'm like, why are you bothering Bethany?

This is, you know, like Erika, she has her little thing. You know, she does Erika Jayne. She does Gay Pride. That's all it's ever gonna be at least for right now she just puts out these sort of generic dance hits that play well at the abbey and it just works like you know it's like why give advice about something like if it's like just you know why does she ever she always gives advice when it's not asked for it's so obnoxious

and here she goes again with her breath well first erica goes to the bathroom and then when she's coming back out bethany says here she is wife mogul mogul's wife by day and hoe by night and erica kind of laughs and then she brings her in after calling her a hoe you know even though erica's like hi i'm a hoe nice to meet you so even through all that it's still fucking rude. So then they sit down and she starts grilling her. And she says, Erica, you're branding. I mean, what is this?

What brand is this? Are you Nabisco? Are you Chips Ahoy? I don't even know. You know, what kind of cookie are you? How long do you take to bake? Do you have gluten? Do you not have gluten?

One minute you've got two fingers up your ass with knuckle rings. And the next second, you know, you look like pretty, like Bambi. Like, what are you? What are you? It's like Oreos oreos it's like oreos i look at an oreo i say is this a black cookie with a white filling or is it a white filling with the black cookies on top like i don't get it like i need clarification you need to say what it is right now you're saying you're like an oreo with two different covers but basically you're one oreo and everybody has to lick you from the middle i don't get it what's brand? And she did have a point. Are you Oreo? Are you Hydrox? I don't get it. Hydrox? Like, what is Hydrox?

Like, is that a monster? Is that, like, a chemical? Like, why is it in a cookie shape? Like, these are things I don't understand. Like, and if there's an Oreo, like, why are there so many O's in that word Oreo? Like, why not just, like, ore? Or what about just, like, EO? Like, I don't get it. And, like, what about Captain EO? Like, how does he feel about this? Like, what are we doing here? I don't, there's too much going on. Captain EO.

Erica's like, actually, I know Captain EO because my husband owns a spaceship. So we fly past Captain EO all the time. So in the middle of this, in the middle of this, Lisa, you know, it was inevitable that someday that Bethany would cause a physical reaction in someone. And sure enough, Lisa Rinna almost sounds like, I gotta puke. I'm going back to the airbnb so she lisa rena leaves to go shit and puke the rest of the night which is fun yeah and then it's like i was not ho shaming that girl i was asking her rude questions in a very polite way okay that's not ho shaming that's like ho questioning it's very different bethany's just

coming out of the gate like you're a a hoe. What do hoes eat? Can you eat meat? Or do you need something like with a straw? Like, do you need to suck something down? Like, what can I get you to eat, darling? You know, it's so fucking rude. I don't like the production values. Yeah, she starts going in. Well, you know, honestly, I don't like the production values.

And, you know, the beat's too strong. And, you know, it looks cheesy. It doesn't look like a real music video. Like, you know, I don't get it. And I don't get all three of you. I look at your Instagram. She's just going in on Erica. But you know what, Ronnie? I didn't disagree oh no she's right but here's

the thing she's where she started well first she started on the instagram so she started on instagram and she's saying an alter ego is a personality that's different from your own which we've said on this podcast and obviously it's not like it's the same hoe in every like one of them has see-through clothes but otherwise it's the same hoe right well well it's funny because erica didn't seem to understand this this point or at least as portrayed on the show because bethany was basically saying if your brand is that you are both like this glamorous formal woman but then you can be really slutty and this is your alter ego if the brand is the alter ego but you're only showing one side no one's going to realize it's an alter

ego they just think that's just what you are so i don't see the brand in this her alter ego is not a classy woman it's a lawyer's wife but she's still a hoe it's like daytime but you can't but you if you don't know that there's another side of the personality you don't know that there's an alter ego if you just see one half of the if you just see one half yeah then you just think that's what it is it's not an alter ego it's more like day to evening you know it's like you add you know you add some stockings and a skirt instead of a dress but it's the same outfit kind of thing you know listen if you if you only saw dr jekyll you'd have no idea that there's mr hyde well they actually made a show recently with dr jekyll and mr hyde as doctors or something and

they were kind of too similar too i was like uh erica has the same branding problem as the latest jekyll and hyde failure but it is true bethany was right but she's just so rude about it and no one's gonna listen to you when you open with you've got two fingers up your ass crack and showing your knuckle rings like are you mad about the fingers up the cornhole or are you mad about the knuckle rings i don't even what's your brand what are you mad about like what are you specifically your brand is is not having tact that's what her brand is well she's she's got it down correct it's like correct tactlessness so then erica stayed calm which nobody's into so she's like all right show me the video then

show it to me and then bethany's eating while she's saying this which i don't it's not often we even see her eat but she's eating with her mouth open and she's like go ahead show me like so fucking rude so they pull out some galaxy tab which i don't even are they sponsoring this show because that seems weird on a beverly hills show so they pull out that's probably why the production values look cheap because she's watching some pixelated shit on samsung blame it on samsung darling uh they watch it and then she's looking at it way too intensely and vanderpump starts mocking her she's like darling there's not going to be a pop quiz after this all right you know i study it yeah and then yeah it's like let's just look at the sexy sunflowers i like by the way

eileen eileen during all this time you know eileen was hating this because she's eileen is very pro erica she's like i think she's got a great life you know who wouldn't want to just have a whole another life where they could live leave a live a fantasy why they can step away from their own life and be another person i'm like eileen you a soap star. You're doing it every single day. Well, notice how she ended that. She said, who wouldn't want to be someone else during the day? And then you go home and your husband supports you? I mean, that's amazing.

I think that was the point. Yeah, that was the dream right there. The husband supporting you, too. Your whole paycheck isn't taken by markers from the casinos. That's amazing. That's a dream. Why are people saving her she won yeah so she does like her and she says bethany's being a total c word which she is

and bethany so then erica gives like a oh erica well erica has some funny remarks she's like i don't know anything about margaritas i don't know how to make a margarita i don't know anything about being skinny well she i don't think about being a girl. She makes Bethany do the dance moves with her because Bethany's like, your production values are bad. It starts slow. And then blah, blah. Eric is still not mad. So she goes, yeah, but the backbeat doesn't even work until the other three girls come in.

I mean, she's just being so mean at this point on purpose. It's like, why are we talking about, why is there ISIS in here? Like, what's going on? Like, Bethany, no, you switched to a news tab. Why are there tabs? I don't get the phone. Why do you show the video on phones like this? Why is it not on YouTube?

There's a reason Little Shop of Horrors starts with the three girls, okay? They make it interesting. What's Little Shop of Horrors if the three girls come in, like, halfway through the movie? No one's going to be there anymore. People are going to be gone. Honestly, the shop wasn't that little, okay? Why wasn't it called, like, Mid-Sized Shop of Hor shop of horrors okay like why why not why do you call it little because then i'm looking and i'm expecting to see like a little stand okay where you can have like three people

okay like but it's big okay so like i don't know is it big is it little like i don't understand these things it's strange to me like just honestly just like kill me right now okay just put me into audrey too and just eat me up okay because too much would it kill you to just call it flower shop i mean yeah i want to know what i'm buying when I go in there. What am I getting? Aspirin? Am I getting a new skateboard? What am I getting? A flower? How would I know? It's called Horrors, you know? We need to know what it is. Just flowers. Flowers.

Flower Shop. No little horrors. There's actually honestly, there's nothing really even horrifying about it, okay? It's actually a pretty cool plant, okay? So why don't you call it like Little Shop of Cool Plants or just Flower Shop. Just Flower Shop. Okay? How about, like, four people in a flower shop?

You know my favorite TV show of all time was Three Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Shop. I know exactly what it was. Okay? Pizza Shop. Why are you calling it Audrey number two? That's already an Audrey. Like, why are you doing that? It's copyrighted.

Why would you do that? I mean, do what you want. I'm just saying. You're going to get sued. I mean, the two Audreys. I don't know. Why would you have two Audreys? It's like having two Bethany's, two skinny girls. You just can't do that.

It's like, what's the brand? What's the brand of Audrey 2? It's just like, is it Audrey? Is it Audrey? And then this is the Audrey. I don't get it. Literally, get Mr. Mushnik, get him on the phone and tell him to fire someone. Is this supposed to be a small two? Is it Audrey squared? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. What Like, literally, like, get Mr. Mushnik, get him on the phone, and tell him to fire someone. Is this supposed to be a small two? Is it Audrey squared?

I mean, I don't know. I don't know. What is this, math? What is this, algebra? I don't want to see that in a musical. Stop making musicals. She's like, I did write Little Shop of Horrors. Like, why is there a dentist?

It's a movie. It's a movie about a flower shop, and there's a dentist. Like, it doesn't make sense. Like, if you're going to have a dentist a dentist like it should be called little shop of flower little shop of ours and a dentist okay like i don't get it okay erica's arguments back were really funny to me because she doesn't really have as many gay people as she hangs around you know how we will say things but we say it in a sassy voice like sassy gay accent so people like oh gay accent she doesn't have the gay accent, so people are like, oh, gay accent. She doesn't have the gay accent to make nonsense work, really. So she'll be like, well, we purposely did it where it started slow, and then it looks like it's going to be bad, and then it's good. Like, we did it on purpose.

Like, the message is clear. Like, look at me. I'm not selling cookies here, okay? I thought it was funny because Bethany got meaner and meaner. Rinna leaves. Vanderpump's cracking up. It's so fucking awkward. And this girl could have gone off on Bethany and ripped her a new one. But instead, she's like, you want to learn a dance move?

And Bethany takes this as a challenge and loves to win a game. So she's like, sure, I could do it. I could do whatever you want. So she gets up and Erica's dance moves, she's like, and now you squat and sit on the dick. She goes, sit on the dick. She literally said that. Sit on the dick.

Okay, now squeeze it up. Fine line between like mommy and me exercises and dancing at a gay circuit party she's lucky she's not having a baby because that thing would come out with like dust bunnies on its face because she's always squatting all the way down to the ground grab the dick yeah uh so it hurts bethany and she's like see it made luck, it may look easy what I do, but it's not. Anybody can make a margarita. I was like, you go, girl. And then Bethany tore her pants.

So, you know, Bethany's not going to eat for another three weeks. She's like, see, this is what happened. I had a piece of lettuce, tore my pants, got too fat. Instant fat. My brain is dead. I think another main issue with Bethany is that her whole business is built around making women feel like they need to be skinnier. And Erica's whole business is making women realize that they don't need to be skinny. They can control everything with their fake tits and their vag.

And that's very threatening for somebody like Bethany. She's saying on one hand she's all about female empowerment, but what kind of empowerment is putting skinny in the title of all of your things and running a diet empire and never eating? That's not really empowering. It's like people lose weight to get laid, lady. The most offensive thing that Erika Jayne ever did to Bethany was not put out a slutty music video. It's that she ate three bites of chocolate cake at the Palm last week. That's the most offensive thing, and Bethany will never forgive her. three bites of chocolate cake at the palm last week that's the most offensive thing and bethany will never forgive her bethany will never forgive her for being um cuter than the clip art she used

from like the the mac art program for the 80s you look cuter than alex mccord's logo i can't um so anyway the next day um next day lisa was doing yoga and then eileen talks to her and says how she feels like she felt like really uncomfortable about lisa vanderpump's grilling at the top of the episode and um which is now like two or three nights later yeah it's like it is actually it's actually like two and a half days later so So, you know, they talk about it. And basically Lisa's like, well, you should maybe just say something. It's like really small or whatever. And so then Eileen pulls Lisa aside when Lisa comes over.

And Eileen's like, listen, it's just something like just very small. Like it's probably nothing at all. But, you know, like the other day when you were grilling me just it felt like i felt like uncomfortable and i i i didn't know what to say i'm just in front of people and i don't know but you know eileen basically states her case and lisa darling i never would have asked you questions if i knew you were uncomfortable darling lisa vanderpump took a page from the kyle richards handbook of non-apologies which is like darling no you should have said something you know she's like no don't be ridiculous no that's really ask me anything i'm an open book like oh lisa like you know it's like that's like the worst way to respond when someone's saying like I felt uncomfortable about something it's you're not supposed to respond with how you feel about

it like well I wouldn't have done that or like you should have told me like you should be like oh I'm so oh I'm sorry I won't do that but she I think she literally did at one point say I apologize if I asked you too many questions yeah if I ask you to please feel free to tell me because I just ask questions I mean you could ask anything of me like I thought I ask you to, please feel free to tell me because I just ask questions. I mean, you could ask anything of me. I thought I was getting to know you. I mean, you don't have to get to know me because I have

another show on Bravo, so clearly you know about me that I have another show. But you, I don't know because you're in soaps and I'm just afraid I don't watch that dying genre. You don't have as many log lines in the TV guide listings, darling. It's harder for me to get to know you. Do you understand?

I mean, there's no magazines around here with your picture on them, darling. I can't just open a centerfold and read all about you and your dog preferences, can I, darling? So, you know I love Lisa Vanderpump, and I am a Lisa Vanderpump apologist. She can essentially do no wrong in my book. I have loved her for the past five or six years, however long she's been in our lives. I actually felt like this was one of the first times I felt like Lisa Vanderpump lost the argument.

I think she lost the interaction. I think Eileen won that. When Eileen said that it was like talking to a stone wall, I think Eileen was right. Well, I don't agree, but also I'm not an apologist for lisa i love her but she's when she's a bitch she's a bitch like i think she was being a bitch in the earlier conversation with eileen like i think she knew what she was doing and i think she was being a bitch on purpose this like we're totally opposite on this this one i don't i think first of all when

someone says we need to sit down and have a private scene, Lisa knows what that means. And she's like, oh, God, what are these bitches coming after me for now, you know? So then when she hears what it is, that it's the questioning at dinner, she's like, oh, okay, well, sorry I asked you so many questions. Like, just tell me not to. Like, you're allowed to tell me to shut up, you know? I mean, it's how I should be. She's right on that front. She should have said, well, you should have said something

or you should have changed. She's right, but she did not take any kind of accountability. It's not accountability. She didn't seem to, like, at least show any sort of empathy for Eileen. Well, I don't think she owes her any because Eileen is saying, she said okay i apologize for uh asking you too many questions please tell me next time because i won't do that if it's making you uncomfortable so she already said that and then eileen's like yeah

because like i mean it just made me uncomfortable the way you kept blah blah blah and then lisa iced over where she's just like okay bitch and bitch. And she just smiles politely. Like she's talking to an idiot. The way she does. Yeah. That condescending ice look that comes over her face. And she's like, I said, I was sorry.

And now you're still coming at me with things that are silly. And you're not making a good argument because Eileen's argument was dumb. It was just, if Eileen didn't say, look, I did have an affair with my husband it's awkward i've got a family who watches this show we've been together 12 years and we're still working on it and to have to talk about it on fucking tv or something i know she can't say on tv but to talk about it in

front of a whole dinner party of course it makes me feel uncomfortable and if you're my friend i need to be able to trust that you're not going to be bringing up weird things in public like if you have those questions ask me like if she had made some kind of argument i could be with her but she didn't she just said well because you know like you're asking me things then you know i'm uncomfortable i'm sorry oh but then you're asking me things i'm uncomfortable it's like shut the fuck up and i feel like lisa is looking at it like listen bitch well probably like i'm looking at it which of course is how i'm gonna see it um i'm projecting my own opinions onto vanderpump but i'm looking at it like you did cheat you did steal your husband if you don't want to talk about it tell me but get over yourself

and lisa also needs a good story she's like tell me about it about it. What's it juicy? How did it happen? How did you have an affair for so long? How did you finally get married? Like, those are questions I would want to ask. Maybe not a dinner table, but I don't know. I think it's just such another little tiny thing that Eileen is picking out that now there's going to be a fight with Lisa Vanderpump over this stupid little thing. I don't know.

That's not big enough for me. I need something bigger. Yeah. Well, they always start in small places like this, and then the Resentments build and build and build and snowball, and then all of a sudden by the end of the season, you're riveted. So, I'm okay with it. I'm already riveted. I'm loving it.

So, that's Beverly Hills. We can put that one to bed for today. Unless you have any last thoughts. I'm ready to put it to bed. Going gone. It's going into, I'm putting it into bed right now.

It's gone, girl. I'm saying go to sleep. Go to sleep. Wow. What do you want to do now, Ben? Let's go to lunch. I know. Let's,

should we do Newlyweds? Do a palate cleanser with Newlyweds before we go on to Shasha? Sure. Cause newlyweds is pretty short with us since we don't do like huge, crazy recaps of that. Well, since I don't take, I don't even take notes for newlyweds. I just go from memory and what, and I just, you know, keep it simple. It's like, I'm actually looking forward to newlyweds now more than the others.

Cause I don't have to take notes. Cause I meant to tell myself, no notes, just watch, absorb watch absorb and whatever you retain you'll talk about on the podcast well this one is just watching the progression of these couples which started on really rocky territory to begin with and uh it's just not looking up i don't think for any of them well let's talk about the worst couple of them all which i believe is um adonis and his like girl whatever her name is adonis like oh i really love you she does have a weird little baby voice i'm looking forward to i'm looking forward to kaufler and every time like't talk. They're so awful. He is a skeez.

She has no personality to speak of. They go to Hawaii. They hula dance. He falls into the water when they're paragliding or whatever. She's like, So awful. And then they come back to reality. And she's like

she's like oh when i did this photo i'll be on your dad and then she's like she's so stupid and then he calls his dad's like yeah i can't i can't see you anymore because you're a bad influence on me like don't cut out your father and now you're gonna make a weird between the dad and and her just handle your shit but of course it does uh go to demonstrate how much the father uh respects women because that's the issue with the wife she's like he doesn't respect women your husband just told you he banged 14 hookers in brazil lady and she's blaming the dad and uh the dad says you're gonna ignore your father for your woman

which i thought was hilarious because yeah in marriages that's the new family so they come over you dad like it's pretty standard but also i can't feel sorry for a girl who marries adonis period especially after that then get spaghetti and chicken at her wedding that's so tacky then acts like she's so morally superior to everybody when she's marrying someone who just banged 14 fucking hookers. Get over yourself, lady. You cannot blame the father. And when she's like, I know everyone thinks we had a picture-perfect wedding. I'm like, I don't think anyone thought so.

You had, like, folding chairs, like, on the edge of a pond at some, crappy like housing community in phoenix like no one thought that was picture perfect yeah the olive garden wouldn't even call that picture perfect okay and it was spaghetti it was just picture it was just picture it was a picture definitely not picture perfect certainly no jennifer aniston movie from the 90s at one point that was a good movie at one point she um they're doing their couple interview or whatever, the couple talking heads. And he says, yeah, she thought I was Prince Charming. She says, I never thought you were Prince Charming. It's just that I want you to be Prince Charming and I can help you be Prince Charming.

No, girl. Did they not have any talk radio where you grew up? You need to listen to some Dr. Laura. And she's the most evil satanic woman on earth. But you do not marry a man for what he could possibly be one day. No, you marry a man for what he is, lady. Too late, I know, but still. The most you can do is at least get him some electronic clippers

so he can shave that shit off his face because it looks terrible. That's a good step in the right direction. But after that, you're on your own. If your man is still walking around with a goatee, so he can shave that shit off his face because it looks terrible. That's a good step in the right direction. But after that, you're on your own. If your man is still walking around with a goatee, you have zero control over this situation. Run, girl! Yeah, I get it. Every time they come on screen,

I actually instantly think they are two of the worst people on Bravo. And they are definitely frontrunners for this year's crappies for the worst people on Bravo. And they are definitely frontrunners for this year's crappies for the worst. Well, hopefully we'll have forgotten them by then. We probably will have. We probably will have.

They infuriate me. Okay, so the next one is also an infuriating one because I love to concentrate on the negative. And that is the Persian princess moron who throws her fake kyle fits to get attention yeah and it's now pissed off her husband because she wasted thousands of dollars on a three-week trip to italy that she refused to take because she was afraid of planes now now her

husband is a full-on and he's a control freak and he's scary and yet he's she's making us take his side okay that really bothers me second all, here's a superficial thing. I hate that she's like 24 and she has mom hair. I hate that she puts on so much makeup. Like, girl, what are you doing to yourself? You're making yourself look so old. Don't do that. Third of all, I thought it was hilarious that the producers went out of their way to include every single time she said thank you during the show.

Because every time she said thank you, she went, thank you. Thank you. Thanks. thank you, thank you thanks, thank you thank you I hate that we had a sequence of her having some retail therapy and I know retail therapy can be really fun for everyone

but you know these shows really do go a long way to bolster the idea that women do nothing but shop and like they're on their husband's bank accounts and they just spend money. I mean it happened on Cheshire. Tanya talks about this. She's like, well, I just bought – I racked up $14,000 on this credit card. It's really terrible. If you think about it, if you really think about it, this perpetual image of these women spending $2,000 here, $14,000 there on their husband's credit card really reinforces so many old-fashioned notions of womanhood and being a wife and husbands. It actually really bothers me.

Well, that's the Real Housewives thing forever. They've taken women's rights back 5 000 years i hit a tipping point i hit a tipping point the thing that's worse about this is it's not a real housewife so on those shows they're so cartoonish about it like oh these rich women married to rich men spending men's money and it's this like i don't know anti-feminist dream or something but this one she's partners with her husband she's also a real real estate person, isn't she? Or did she quit her job? Yeah, she is. But she has now,

now she does real estate part-time and the check that she used to get from her husband has slowly dwindled to the point where actually she doesn't even get paid anymore. So you really can see how manipulative and controlling he is. It's actually, if it weren't so scary, it would be funny. But why isn't she

working they aren't raising kids what's she doing shopping get out of here no she can't you probably can't go into most stores because anxiety of like automatic doors it's too stressful i wonder where all this stress and fear suddenly came from that he didn't know that they could never travel and she had this great fear get out of here i'm not buying that at all and then when she's talking to her sister in the store spending money she's not making i didn't know that now that makes me mad because i didn't like that she met him at a real estate conference and they were both people with careers and then she quit her job because she found an older rich man get out of here yeah but exactly meanwhile her her mom was married at nine we'd like to add they just do that in there like yeah my mom's first marriage didn't work out like she was married

when she was nine i'm like okay so now things are starting to make sense why there's a history of craziness in your family the poor woman was traumatized well i mean unless the husband was nine two or eight i mean you never know but i have a feeling that was not the case. And the sister is saying, well, I understand the airline fear because, you know, being Middle Eastern women is really hard. And we're raised with a lot of stress. And no, no, no. I can guarantee you there is no woman in the Middle East with a fear like that of flying. There are probably women like that. That is such a first world problem.

Like your family may be from the Middle East, but you are probably women like that. That is such a first world problem. Like your family may be from the Middle East, but you are both first world bitches. So please stop with your fake diseases. You know, it's like the chronic Lyme. How many people in third world countries have that? That is totally a first world disease. Stop it. Yeah. You know, I believe that as as as American women who are born into Middle Eastern family born in Middle Eastern families, I do believe they probably take on certain things. Just as there's all this, you know, when you're Jewish, you take on Jewish guilt and da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But fear of flying, I'm sorry, is not one of them. That's just on you.

You're just crazy. And you should be in therapy by now. Yeah, definitely. September 11th happened a long time ago. So when you say your craziness about flying happened back then, that's great. But get some immersion therapy or exposure therapy or whatever they call it. Yeah, being from a Middle Eastern family, there are a lot of cultural differences and stuff like that, especially the woman, the submissive woman, this and that.

And I'm talking newbies to to the country not people second first second generation we change pretty quickly just like every other you know culture that comes to america does but i don't like that they start using that all of a sudden when she's just basically done the middle eastern thing anyway she's taken the stereotype she's left one controlling middle eastern husband which is what she insinuated in the first episode. We've never met him. But she left one, and then she just met – she married an older, controlling American husband. What's the difference? The race?

Like, I don't get it. But if there's any patterns that you worry about, it's not flight patterns, bitch. Get to a shrink. Yeah. Yeah. Well, then we also have – which couple do you want to do next? These are the couples that we like, right? Yeah, I think we're at well, there's that like younger fighty couple and the girl who dreams of being a fashion blogger and like instead of a dead end job, like fashion merchandising or something, which is actually not a dead end job.

Being a fashion blogger, I think, is more of a dead-end job. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not one, but. Yeah. I think being a fashion blogger, I think the moment for launching a fashion blog successfully has probably ended. The ones that have become successful are now successful.

There's a window for when these things take off. It's like TVgasm. When we launched TVgasm, it was huge and wonderful. And then when I started B-Side Blog, I was like, well, I'm going to pick up where I left off with TVgasm with my TV recapping. It's like, nope, the market was saturated. Yeah, it's a totally different world now. And especially when it's a blog about just taking pictures of yourself in clothes.

That's not, I don't know, a fashion magazine. People are always going to be into fashion magazines but i don't know anybody that needs to see you in hundreds of pictures in your new boots that's just weird and it's also not going to pay the rent in new york so yeah uh dream bigger yeah that being said um those two are really cute and they're really attractive and um i really enjoy them and i think the husband is i like the husband he's so hot he's like hot cute hot cute they're obnoxious to me i don't they're just that couple that's always fighting oh i like them let's just fight and he calls her bro bro i don't like their fake fights i don't like when they do their fake fights like how do

you open this how do you open this was like for camera but um they're i think i think they're just so attractive they're just so attractive. They're both so attractive to me that I've given them a pass, especially after like enduring scenes of Adonis and Lady Adonis. I'm like, oh, thank God. Attractive people who are not as annoying.

I find them to be annoying because he talks about his brand and then she talks about her blog and then they fight. And that's dumb to me. Like couples who fight like that, they're all so fun. It's funny. And then, but it's just part of us. We're like bickering. We're the Bickerson's.

Ha ha ha. And then it's like, you know, stabbing each other. You know, that stuff. It gets out of control. I don't know. It seems unhealthy. I don't like it. But I mean, i don't have hate or anything for them i'm just like whenever they come on i'm like all right clear them okay who's the other the gays gays oh the

gays this was so hilarious so they're gonna donate their sperm to frag's sperm sperm specifically oh yeah they can't put both the sperm in the egg because it'll be fighting over like who's not keeping the egg clean yeah it's like one sperm is going to be making tea for the other sperm honey you left a banana peel in the egg

one sperm wants to hold hands with the other sperm but the other sperm feels uncomfortable about it but no because it was Brandon's sister who was getting artificially inseminated so of course the sperm couldn't be in there but um but so they're gonna put inseminate uh her lady parts with craig's lady parts and um so it was basically like a full episode of them talking about how craig was going to masturbate and then finally craig does masturbate and then they then they bring the semen over to brand brandon or brendan's uh sister who's

like lying on a bed like and uh unfortunately at the end of the day the sperm did not take the scene where they're trying to masturbate in the bedroom and the camera's like under the door. Yeah. Under the door. What do you, the bottom of the door on me, I don't even know what you call that. The space in the bottom of the door. It's just laying there on the floor of the camera and you hear them talking. And he's like, honey, okay, let's do it.

And he's like, oh, I can't. Honey, are you on the phone? I'm trying to masturbate. And he's like, sorry sorry but i got a call i need to text my sister you don't need to text your sister uh okay look you're not gonna text again and because it hurts my mood okay we're not gonna hurt my mood anymore okay my god this is like whiniest masturbation session i've ever heard in my life. I was laughing so hard at that. Honey, I'm trying to masturbate. So like a lot of couples,

they're going to have to fill that turkey base to back up and keep trying. Try again. Keep putting that turkey in the oven until it's right. It takes a lot of practice, y'all. Yeah. Unfortunately for her, for the lady lesbian sister, did not take no baby yet.

And so what's the other couple? Are we done with the couples? We're done with the couples because the rest of the storyline with the gays is just like, Honey, let's have a baby. Let's have twins. Let's have two, honey. Let's have two twins. Want some tea? Sit down. This experience has made me want's have both. Let's have two, honey. Let's have two twins. Want some tea? Sit down. This experience has made me want to have babies. It's like, really? You whined and masturbated.

How did that make you want to have babies? You were the baby in this scene. You were a masturbating, big, hairy, masturbating baby. What about this made you want to have a baby, okay? It's not as easy about crying during masturbation and then sticking um a giant turkey tube up a lesbian's vagina okay it requires parenthood requires more i mean i would assume okay let's move on to the real housewives of shisha yes shisha shisha Uh, Shasha. Shasha. I'm writing 153 for the time stamp.

So the Real Housewives of Shasha. The gambling episode. The gambling episode. Okay, so um, wow. Where to begin? So the episode begins with Mugali. It's going to Dubai.

And so before she leaves, Cruella de Vil pays her a visit. Obviously, it's just like this white furry mess showing up at her door. And it's M. Peeker! M. Peeker! Magali, I don't know if somebody has come in and told Magali how amazing her movements are. Or if Magali's just gotten more comfortable. But Magali is doing full on time steps now during her

scenes she's like waving her hands back and forth like she's doing choreography but they're not really making sense with what she's saying like she's saying oh I'm really excited I'm going to oh she doesn't talk like I'm doing pediflora she's like I'm really excited I'm going to Dubai

you know it's going to be great. But her hands are waving like. Jazz hands. So good. You know, sometimes my hands are like. You know, jazz hands. One thing, they are always spirit finger. And so Ampika comes by and she's like, oh, I think to myself, what Ampika doing at my house? So I say, okay, Am what i'm peaker doing at my house so i say okay i'm peaker

what you're doing at my house whoa i'm peaker whoa it's like polar bear coming to my house and i'm peaker and peaker comes in and i'm like and probably like whoa like whoa polar bear whoa don't eat me polar bear, okay? Climate change. So, I just wanted to come back to say goodbye to you, so you'd have a fun time in Dubai. And also, I knew you couldn't get on the plane without hearing about Nick Rosted. I was like, oh, jeez. It's been an awful week for me.

I've lost my eggs and my aunts. What did that mean? Do you know what that means? I have no idea. I don't know what Empikus means half the time. But basically, she lost her gaze, and now she needs someone else to vent to. So the closest thing to a gay man she can find is Magali. She goes,

It's times like that one, cross his heart, that you're made of fried like a Magali. But she took like this in the date levels, with that always need to blow a nose And it's always been a horrible week For me It's been an awful week The vulture work called me back

It's been an awful week That vulture took a chunk out of my boots And didn't even call me back. It's been an awful week. That vulture took a chunk out of my boots and didn't even call me back the next day. I went on to okvulture.com and we didn't match up. And I'm like, I thought we had a future together, vulture. Go to ancestry.com.

Vulturecestria.com. Okvulture.com. First, it was awful for me because Dawn has been created with babies and then Max, Dad, Dawn, First it was awful for me Because daughters being Graded with babies And then backstabbed And then left my Naked raw stands

Like I've lost my eggs And my arms It's like I'm a snake And then I shed my skin And then I'm like Where's the skin And I'm like I don't want the skin anymore

Because I'm like a snake I'm going to eat your skin And I'm going to have to Put my skin on my And I'm going to take a Shed it off on the rock She starts talking about My Mr my mystery man it's hard because me and mark's anniversary even though we're not mad anymore is coming up and you know me and mark

made so close and we're getting close again but then i've got the mystery man and so i'm thinking what do i do with the mystery man on the anniversary dinner and and macaulay goes no no no no i don't even know what she talked about no one day missy man one day mac mac mac what what going on in her head but she the hand motion she makes she puts her two index fingers together above her head and then makes a big square she goes what is going on in her head? I'm like, how does that make sense of what you're saying? It's hilarious to me. I make shape. I make shape.

Whoa. And Don. Don, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough. Don, tough. And then Pika, tough, tough, tough. And they fight and they fight. And then you think, oh, why are you friends? You know?

But they're using each other because it's the kind of people they are. You know? They both use each other. And other because it's the kind of people they are. You know, they both use each other. And I thought that was very wise of her to say, like, they're just using each other for scenes. The end. Well,

Magali's the smartest of them all. Why even think about it? You know? Magali, I feel like Magali and Lauren are the smartest of them all. Like, they actually seem to understand people the best,

but they're the ones who, of course, are on the outside of the circle. There was one point where they were talking, and ampeka's going on and on about her own fucking problem her own quote unquote problems like the woman has zero problems okay if we really list them but she's always bitching and complaining and trying to make this drama and mcgawley's listening to her and i don't think she this one i don't think she knew what she was doing because it actually made sense with the scene.

She was plugging her nose, like she was holding her nose closed, like she was about to go underwater like a little kid. She was holding her nose closed. I thought, well, that's the most honest expression you've ever made, darling. I know. So then Leanne and Tanya go shopping. And I laughed immediately because the scene opens with Leanne doing her best Dobby impersonation. And I recorded it. This is Leanne talking.

No, I'm really rubbish at buying and selling. What'd you say? I literally have no idea. No, I'm really rubbish at buying and selling. I really will stop buying rubbish at her. No, I'm really rubbish at buying and selling will shop. I really will shop. Like, literally, no idea. I still don't even know what she's saying at the beginning when she's like, I made a footballer.

A bad footballer. It's really quite. It's really quite. Something. She's like, it's really quite. It's really quite. Wow. So, um.

They're shopping for undies. they're basically shopping doing nothing as usual on the show because no one does anything on this show and they're shopping and tanya and i don't even remember what they're talking about but at one point leanne uses the word insipid in terms of insipid i don't even know what that means what's insipid i mean what sort of word is that i'm like hashtag public school tanya public school tanya she's like there are loads and lots new words in shesha learning lots of things like the word like walk i didn't know that word how do you walk somewhere i always thought it was how do you move your how do your feet feet move feet move that's what i'd say i'm gonna go feet

move over there but now there's a word for it called walk. But I don't even think Leanne knows what insipid means because she's holding up a 90 to herself and she goes, What do you think of this? Does this look insipid on my skin? Yeah. Doesn't insipid mean stupid? Like incredibly stupid? She's like, I want to have another baby because i love feeding them with

an insipid cup and tanya's like well it's insipid and she said it's like you know draining it's like something that's draining you you know like you ever have a tortilla that's like insipid that's where you know you put a tortilla with a avocado they call that insipid, I think. I actually, I don't know. When you're done taking a bath, you need to insipid the drain so the water can come out. You understand me? And he's like, oh, it's a bath. Next time I take a bath, I'm going to be looking for looking for some stupid things that's for sure

and of course Leanne trying on all this underwear makes me think of bedroom activity which makes me think of Dawn having a baby oh lord

isn't it great that Dawn's having a baby guess what I want to have a baby now too you are such a follower she is such the quintessential sidekick she's so wrapped up

in Dawn wanting to have a baby. I mean, these women literally have nothing to do except, like, put all their attention onto a baby. That's why they want babies so badly. Because once they grow up, they've got nothing else to do. So they just keep on churning out the babies. So that way they don't have to focus on their own boring, insipid lives. Darling, don't you have YMCAs over there?

Get a hobby you know got classes you can take you know learn to swim take a word class darling so then dawn goes and has like tea or does something she's with her parents i believe and and her daughter taylor and dawn who thinks every single thing she does is the most important thing ever she's like i have a big announcement to make i took my shit this morning and it was great and everyone's like oh great like come actually i thought that people took that i thought people would be more excited for me i mean how rude how rude they didn't want to know about my shit i've been so excited to tell people about the shit i've been about to take and no one even cared so i guess it's just me old don over here feeling

happy by herself again you know i mean how are you dawn was cracking me up in this first of all she's making all these faces like there's really bad traffic that's pissing her off there's no one on the road like i don't even understand what this woman's talking about half the time so she's driving and she goes oh me daughter taylor you know she's over there at me mom and dad's because she's she's had a back surgery and i says you know she's got to be at mom and dad's house which makes no sense why wouldn't she be at your house unless she hates you which she kind of hints to a few times and then she goes oh mom and dad are great they own dobby dog kennels they named dog kennels after dobby that is so rude it's so rude it's fully

dull as a knot to keep you talking, Tobis. Well, the dogs are, it's a very quiet kennel. All the dogs are like. Whenever a criminal tries to break in, they're like. Like, be careful. Dobby Dog on duty. Which is basically the same as, please enter. It's like a Doberman pitcher.

It's like, oof. And Taylor, why am I calling her that? Don says, I've got butterflies on my stomach about to see Taylor. Because Taylor's like a mom, you know. She just says what's on her mind if she's got something in her mind it just slips out you know that's why she said mom and dad's like uh so basically your daughter hates your guts and so they walk in taylor taylor she's like listen up everybody here's what the plan is i've talked to ashla and we've decided to have more furniture. And they're like, what? I mean, babies, more babies.

We've decided to have more babies. And Taylor goes, what the fuck, another baby? You've got four babies. How many babies do you need, mum? And there she goes. Look at that mouth on her, telling me exactly what's on her mind. I'm scared of her. Mum, another baby.

Oh, she's horrible. Taylor's horrible. It's so on her mind. I'm scared of her. Mom, another baby. Oh, she's horrible. Taylor's horrible. It's so funny to me. I know. And Taylor's like, she's basically like, Mom, you nearly died when you had the last one. So why are you doing this again? You know, why? Well, I'm a bit gutted, actually.

I can't believe it. I'm a bit gutted. I can't believe that no one's excited for me. It seems that the only one who's excited for me is Ashley. I'm like, Ashley is not excited. The only reason Ashley keeps smiling like that at you is that he knows he gets to have lots of sex with you for no reason, and he's had his tubes tied. Yeah. He would not be smiling like that otherwise.

No, exactly. So then we go to Ampika. I just have to say one last thing, Dad, because I just found this in the bottom of the notes. Everyone's so upset, but even your dad's happy. He told me, well, let's pull out some oysters. I don't know why that was funny to me, except I thought, they haven't heard of Viagra in this town. Please tell me that people are still not sucking on oysters trying to get boners. It's called Viagra, Sh town. Please tell me that people are still not sucking on oysters trying to get boners. It's called Viagra, Shasha.

You're welcome. So now, in Peeker, it's her anniversary with Mark. I have to remember what voice she is. Mark. I've got the code, it's a low code voice. So I gotta set my ground to a farm because

we like to go to farms, I love animals. So it was basically her yapping away while we just looked at cows. Look at the cows. Look at Mac. Look at the cows. Look at my Mr. Cow. It's the only place they can shoot or hotel rooms they rent or places with animals.

We can't get yelled at if we shoot in a place with animals. Animals don't have to solve release forms um so she's over there because she wants to stay close with max mom um he was you know like 170 or whatever and she says it's really important to bed even though i left back that we keep the family together and i think it's really important for him to still see his grabble you left his father when he was a baby this is your way of making it up to him having to spend time with some old lady in a barn no lady you fucked up stop trying to make it a perfect situation

but she she's trying to she's like we didn't we didn't always get along man vera or whatever her name was the mom she's like we didn't always get along did we she's like i know i had some roles with dad the way i used to fight oh yeah that was good now but now i'm good i'm with mac oh lord mac mac and dinner with paul and lauren okay we're not in a barn and we're not in a hotel room, so we must be in someone's car. And it's Paul and Lauren's. Oh, yeah. So they go to dinner. I like Paul because Paul is the only one who seems to be having some fun.

You know, anytime any of these women say bullshit, well, Paul and Lauren, you know, they're just laughing. They're having a good time. But so many of the women on the show are so serious about all the stupid minutiae in their life so paul just like laughs at them so they they go out to dinner to this paul and lauren go to dinner um this anniversary dinner with ampika and mark and um ampika like her big announcement she's like i have a announcement to make mac got you got you, got us a holiday to Africa. And so Paul, like, makes a joke about it or whatever

and I'm because, like, I can't believe that while I'm announced the holiday that my, that Paul would make fun of,

make a joke right now. Paul, Mike, Mike didn't even have a chance to say thank you. Paul was making jokes

the entire time. He's raining on the South African parade with Mark just so he could be a joke-stirrer clan. But Paul had a good time. Paul was funny. She goes, I'm going to take Mark on a romantic holiday. And he goes, why would you do that?

You're not even married. She's like, but we do it every anniversary. It's going to be for three weeks. He goes, three weeks? Mark's got a job. Did you even look at his diary? Who would make a trip to be for three weeks, he goes, three weeks, Mac's got a job, did you even look at his diary, who would make a trip for someone for three weeks without even asking a chicken at the diary, which is a good point, but of course it's here in Pico, so she's like, his diary says in Pico, in Pico, in Pico, in Pico, all right, I read it, there it is.

Yeah, well, I like, he's like, he's like, he's like like let me get this straight so you are you aren't married you're going down to south africa and you're going to put your ex-husband into a cage with sharks i have some questions about this and because like it's not appropriate to smack a dick about my can't even get a thank you for Mark. And then Lauren at one point had said, I haven't been to dinner with Aunt Peker in over 10 years, so let's see how it goes. But Mark's had a rough time, so it'll be good for him to spend some time with me and Paul.

It'll be good for his soul. But when has anybody described time with you and paul as good for the soul i don't think ever except you right now but this dinner was really cute and they're all basically rooting for mark and ampeaker to get together again and lauren flat out says why don't you just get married to him again you're older cheating with mr amanda cares and then peter she goes mark you're not gonna find anyone who looks like i'm peter are you no thank god no one has you know home sanders in their home and then peter's like look at that market good ford so but it's hot as big and look at the die look at that the one about of a month mark's like yeah i

i i haven't been able to uh to commit to any other women because every time i have sex with them i just have mpika's face in my eyes and it ruins everything nothing nothing kills the bone of mpika's face all right i've got what you'd call a pigtail dysfunction Marcus Fousey Marcus Fousey that's the problem I think that Marcus rather Fousey I just wrote that because I thought it was really funny

Oh that's coming up later I think okay so surprise blah blah blah I didn't get a thank you. Oh, whatever. Who cares? I didn't even get a thank you off the back because Paul's being a joker. Shut up, Mpika. You know you charged that entire dinner to Mac, so please be quiet.

You thank him. So Leanne and Don in the closet. So this is funny to me. So Don and Leanne are just, are just like hanging out don is actually in like a casual jumpsuit which is a first and her gays come over because leanne's there too and they're gonna have like they're all gonna sit on the bed and have like a girly like gossip sesh this is what i love about these british cheshire gays this is the gossip session on the bed they're like one of them's like in a blazer, and the other's in slacks. That's the difference between British gays and American gays.

Do you have anything we could sit straight up against then, dear? All right, I'll just lean awkwardly on this piece of furniture. Laying down with one leg thrown over or whatever. And of course the gays are uncomfortable in this bed, so they get straight to it. They're like, darling, I'm peaker's better towards you and dawn i don't understand why that would be um i'm peaker so nice to my face and then she's talking behind my back i've got to get to the bottom of it like when has she not said this shit to your face every time she's seen you she screamed at you for 20 minutes what are you not hearing lady i know she's quite a hard girl you know i think the problem with

them beakers she's a hard girl she's a hard girl and you know she said that you riled her up and you got her all riled up and one of them goes well no that's a lie know, you know who lies? Hard girls lie. And then the other one goes, Obviously, she doesn't want to be our friend. Well, the other one, she only said it to me because she knew I'd come straight back to you and she doesn't have the nerve to tell you to your face. And then Don says, By the way, don't blame her for you being

a terrible friend. Like, what can I say? She knew I was a terrible person. I'm going to say everything that she tells me in confidence

to you. What can I say? It's her fault. Also, she did say all this shit to Don's face multiple times. These people are crazy.

And then Don, if I had to pick Hitumba the truth between Ampika and Don, I mean, normally it would be the gays, but now I don't even know who's lying. They're all lying, okay? You're all stupid.

This is the dumbest fight I've ever seen. And Leanne's just sitting there like, who should I yell at? I'll tell you in a minute, Ellen. She's like, I don't want to get involved, but I have to get involved because I have nothing else to do because I don't have another baby. Maybe I should have a baby. I want my baby to be involved in this. If I get more involved in your business maybe I'll get preggers.

So dinner, we're back at dinner, blah blah blah. I think we've already talked about all this. And Pico's like, I'm relaxed. Mark is relaxed. And then all of a sudden, Paul was in the classroom. I'm like, oh, God. And Paul's like, why don't you get together?

Which is what you were talking about before. It's funny that she's like, I was so relaxed. I just finally got over the fact that the holiday surprise had been ruined by Paul's jokes. So that way, Mark couldn't give me a thank you. If I only got over that, I'd finally be relaxed. And then, Paul asked a question. And then a bread basket came. I'm like, how can a bread basket come right now?

The bread basket's never even come to my salon. I've never got a thank you from Mark before the bread was delivered. Lauren, it's hilarious. People will not let shit go on this show, and it cracks me up. Lauren's like, you should get mad again, because there's old ladies in this group trying to make babies,

and then there's younger people who could use another baby, like Aunt Pika. I'm like, and Sweater. And Sweater. When is Sweater going gonna freeze her eggs never she doesn't want a frozen pizza coming out of a little rabbit john what in what world is ampika a younger girl wanting a baby you guys get the fuck compared to dawn is she though how can you tell ampika looks like she has the waxy straight face like

she looks like a street lamp to me i don't even understand how that's a face when she moves i stare at her lips to see how she's even talking the woman can't move she's polished herself like a damn bowling ball and i've polished plenty of them to know well and paker is definitely younger younger than some of the other ladies that's for sure um are you still there ronnie i am i'm listening okay you just got no ending oh no no i just had no ending for that i'm just i'm thinking of and paker's face and what else it looks like and why it hasn't aged while you think while you think about that, we can then go over to the horse competition, the equestrian center, where Dobby is getting ready to go

show some horses. What I love about this is that Dobby is on a horse and she's doing dressage. I don't know if it's dressage, but she's jumping over little gates and stuff. Dawn and Ashla are watching from the sidelines,

and Dawn is just losing her shit. She's the total Little League mom, except with horses. She's like, that's a good canter, Darby. Darby, Darby, get your canter faster. Darby, that's too slow. Canter, Darby. Darby, Darby. Darby.

Slow canter, Darby. Fast canter, Darby. Look at Darby. I love my kids. You know why? Because they're all winners. I love winners. And look at Darby. She's going to win. Oh, she's not going to win. Darby, Darby. What are you doing, Darby? She Because they're all winners. I love winners. And look at Dolby.

She's going to win. Oh, she's not going to win. Dolby, Dolby, what are you doing, Dolby? She's going to claim it. And then she yells, which totally everybody turns and looks at her because you're at a fucking horse competition, lady. And Dobby's all mortified. And Dobby's like, Oh, I'm sorry, Dolby.

The reason I yelled is because I thought you were going to Christopher Reeve us and then you were fine. So here's what I think about your trip. All right, you could have been better on the horse. His bass was low and he clipped the bar, didn't he? Clip the bar, Dolby. Oh, my God. Did you notice, why did they cut away? Every time the horse was about to jump, they would cut away.

It was like we never got to see how the jump went. And they always made it seem like every time it jumped jumped that was gonna like knock over a bar but we never got to see it like was there was there some sort of like rights like in england you're not allowed to show a full horse jump unless you're gonna like speak nicely about it i think the producers the horse's name with his bad canter since it's season one in a new place i think the producers were like look this show might be horrible to watch and totally boring and we might have to kill off toby so just every time she does something dangerous cut away in case we have to kill her off later yeah a housewife would go along with that and then doby died no she didn't. She's still on the couch behind you. Nope, she's dead.

Dobby's dead. She counted you slowly. I'm trying to freeze my eggs so I can have another little Dobby. This Dobby's never going to skip a horse episode. So then the episode draws to a conclusion at a random casino that

looked like it was in the back of a Holiday Inn where the ladies minus Don all get together. And oh, and also there was no Magali because as Lauren said, Magali's in Dubai. And no Don. Have you ever gone to Dubai? Dubai. I lived in Dubai.

Never in Dubai. I wish that we could move to Dubai instead of Phoenix, Arizona in Dubai they don't make people sew things together for no reason while the husbands are making money they need a Real Housewives of Dubai

by the way because that would be amazing just the laws that they could break in one episode um so okay all this weird drama it's not really weird because it's like the same drama ever but all this drama that's being started everyone's faking everything tanya's like i don't know how to add is 14 is that 21 or whatever like she's trying to play 21. Got a public school education, and I'm proud of it. I can't even add simple numbers together. Isn't that funny?

No one's going to private school for my childhood. And then, of course, Leanne is so supportive. She's like, I used to date a man named Black Jack. I wondered if he could get me pregnant quicker. So they're playing Black Jack, and then Aaron Peeker comes up for kind of no reason to Leanne. She's like, all right then, look then, here's how I'm feeling with ye.

I like you a lot. I think you're a great girl. I've got nothing but love for you deep in my soul. But here's what I'm sick of, the way that you're always sticking up for Dawn. You're like a Hoover vacuum, vacuuming up a shit. Every time I turn turn around you vacuum it i'm gonna stop calling you hoover because all i hear is and then leanne she goes she goes

and pika decides to there's no other word to use insults me oh my gosh you said insults i can't believe it she's like i've already used insipid, so. Keep going down the dictionary. Is that a real word then? And then Empika is just like, her insults are so bizarre. When she's like, while you're hoovering, I'm so indecent. I'm like, what? You're indecent while she's hoovering? I'm indecent.

You know what I'm going to call you? A washing line. Because you're out here like a washing line. But you're hoovering at the same time. I want you to, well, you're hoovering the rug. Instead, you're not hoovering the hallway. That's what I've got to say. There's a hallway, dirty hallway, but you're in the rug.

What's going on with that? She's turned Leanne into the best kitchen appliance ever. It's like a vacuum clothesline, like, window washer. Like, dehydrator. Like, here's what I want you to do, Leanne. I want to set you and forget you all right i want you to be dishwasher safe don't be bad in the dishwasher can't go in the microwave you might explode get that metal out i like most of your bright white but you've got a

little spot on you i'd love to rub something on that and just that part but in the washing machine to have the color stay the same do you mean mean in sippet stain, reliever? That's what I mean, you heard me. You know what you're like? You're like a new appliance that you tried to turn on immediately, but you didn't charge the battery first, so you ruined your appliance. That's what you did there. And Liam's like, what are you talking about?

I don't understand. You're like a KitchenAid mixer going right and right and right. And every time I try and taste the day, you say, no, that day's for dawn. It's a dawn cooker. And I say, oh, hang it on the line, you goddamn hoover. You know what you are, aren't you? You're an electronic kitchen scale, right? And you put a ball on it, but you've got to set it to zero.

So now all your scales are all messed up. That's what you are now. Well, she's telling Leanne off for being Dawn's lap dog, which is so hilarious. I mean, it's true. But then she's yelling at her, so she'll be's lap dog which is so hilarious i mean it's true but then she's yelling at her so she'll be her lap dog and she even says at one point which you alluded to earlier but she even says you know there you all hoover vacuuming it up you know she's telling you to vacuum the don and room and i'm telling you to vacuum the whole way and you're vacuuming the don and room like you

understand that you're the other person controlling the hoover right you're just mad that the hoover is not vacuuming the section of the house you want like you are such a bitch lady jesus christ back down there and of course leanne's typical fight no what the oh no i didn't know i'm not a hoover at least make me a tyson ball this is the first time i was actually on leanne on it never fights because i mean i mean mpker is right but mpker was so crazy and then i was like mpker stop it you're not making any sense because like well i put the plug in and i wanted a thick vacuum but you don't want a wet back and I did it I feel like a link trapped in this relationship this way to be empty to been you got a clean out your bag you gotta clean out your back and your back

I'm clean I haven't done that yet have you at Leanne yeah right that'll be the day to Nick and Morrison silly or not crap there's no such thing as a bag was vacuum and you're the one who they got the bag and you vacuum with the dust and the filters are dirty. And then, of course, Dawn's a Roomba, isn't she? Just going round and round. Always the cleanest. Always winning. Aimless cleaning little machine.

Every once in one wants to own but can't afford it. Isn't that right? But what would a hoover be doing with a Roomba? Well, I got bad news for you, lad. Because I like to bust your dust, because I'm a dust buster. Put me in your hand, I'll dust up all the dust. Listen up here, this relationship could be solved

by a few new Swiffer Sweeper pads. The trouble is that Don has already apologized seriously five times to Ampica. She said, I'm sorry that I'm rude. I'm sorry I'm controlling. I'm sorry that I talk too much. Can we be friends? All right then, we can be friends.

Don called and left me a message and it was real nice. Well, to be fair. Left me a text and left it real nice. And then now look at her, look at her doing nothing between then and now. Oh, Don, I'm going to kill her.

She didn't do anything. To be fair, M. Peeker has also said a very benign thing to Dawn, and Dawn will be like, I can't believe she'd say that, especially when I'm thinking about getting a hysterectomy. Why would she say that? How rude. How rude. So they're both just like crazy bitches.

They're both idiots. Jesus, at least have a new fight, because this one has been solved for five episodes, and you guys keep going back. It's like, let's just keep calling the gay guys back to start it all over again. They didn't tell either one of you something that you hadn't already been fighting about for a month,

ladies, okay? But next week, the hoover hits the fan. The hoover shit gets sucked up into the fan, you know what I mean what man nope i do know what you mean it's a eureka vacuum comes into the max hardwood floors so everyone thank you so much for listening to the podcast remember to subscribe to us on itunes um come to our facebook page facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends come to our website

watch where crap ends dot com and you'll get all our social media links and of course support us on Patreon patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends where you get access to our bonus episode our most recent one was about 90 minutes shy of 90 minutes of all making a murderer discussion and we'll probably do some more of it

next week with our next bonus episode we have a Google hangout of it uh next week with our next bonus episode we have a google hangout uh coming up probably next week right ronnie uh yeah what day you want to do it next thursday sure so we have google hangout next week all the fun stuff so thank you everyone for listening we appreciate you so so much real house has a potomac starts this weekend, so we'll have a lot to talk about next week. Oh, yeah. New show, new show. Yay. Bye, everyone. Love you guys. Have a good one.

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