Watch What Crappens - #2841 Love Hotel 0103: Postcards from the Vege

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

Scandal rocks The Love Hotel when Earl the Pearl admits he doesn’t eat vegetables. Plus, Walé unravels as Ashley does the unthinkable and talks to other men. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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early and ad-free on Wondery+. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelkert and joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, what's going on? Well, hello Ben. How's it going? Oh my God. It's so good. Um, we're just doing some love hotel today, which I love. And, uh, just some updates. We are going to Vegas on Thursday, big Vegas show,

go to watch your crap ins.com to get your tickets before time runs out I don't want you guys to miss it. It's gonna be a wise guys on Thursday And we are going to recap summer house there. So that'll be a blast then in June Our final two shows of the mounting hysteria tour Seattle. We always have a great show in Seattle up there at the Neptune. We're going back there. That's I believe on June 12th and then on June 19th in Los Angeles, the Fonda theater in Hollywood. Come join. It's going to be a big party. We are going to close out the entire tour in LA and that's going to be wild and super great. So watch crappies.com is where you get your ticket links.

And that's also a find everything else there. We also have patreon.com slash watch where crap ends. That's where you can get crappies on demand, where you get your ticket links, and that's also, find everything else there. We also have patreon.com slash watch where crap happens. That's where you can get Crappies on Demand, where you can watch, not just listen to the podcast, and you get access to our bonus episodes, like Trader's Recaps and White Lotus Recaps, and coming in June, Love Island Recaps. So it's gonna be super fun.

And we also have a Texas road trip that we did, that we had a lot of fun with, so you can listen to that all there. Just the point is, there's a whole bunch of extra content up there. So get the full experience. So that being said. Go over.

That being said, it is time to dive in to quite an exciting episode of Love Island. An emotional episode. Hotel. Filled with, what did I say, Love Island? Yes, I keep saying Love Island, but it's Love Hotel. Love Hotel. Love Hotel. It's a low fiber episode because not everyone was eating their vegetables. Yes. It's Love Hotel. We get a new crop of men in and wow, there's something. So here they come.

Here comes Tommy Bahama and his gang. Let's see who they are, boys. Tommy Bahama and his gang. Let's see who they are, boys. So in they come, in come the new men. And well, Joel is telling the ladies like, well, I have four intelligent and successful women who are ready for love. And the men are like, yeah. And Earl the Pearl's like, oh, well,

let them bring their A game. I don't know if you can outshine the Pearl. I am Earl the Pearl after all, kind of cash. Jay's like, yeah, there's only one Earl the Pearl. And Earl's like, thanks dude. And then Phil just sees the guys come in and goes, here comes trouble. So Wale is getting frustrated.

He's like, I feel like the Love Hotel is trying to sabotage me honestly, because Wale just, Way, it turns out, is not a very secure person, and he starts to really spiral this episode. Well, Ashley doesn't really seem to like him very much, and he just senses it. I think he's just sensitive to that,

and being like, what the hell? Like, why am I even here? So the one's like, hello, boys. Hello, hello, boys. It's me, the Countess. And they're, you know, saying hello, and Edward is there, one of the new guys, and he's like, hello, hello to you all. Verizon beats AT&T in every test across this great country. And Joel is like, wow, Mufasa has entered the chat.

Well, I think that's a bit rude for the valet to be making comments about these gentlemen who've just come here to win our hearts. So, I don't know, it doesn't seem nice and or appropriate or even professional. I'm not really sure who Mufasa is, but I'm sure that he would be a little bit quicker getting me an artichoke dip. I'm just saying. Mufasa more like move slower. Okay so Ashley is they're all like saying hi and everything and

Then there's this guy Edward and the producer goes, do you know what the real housewives is and he's like I Do not know what the real housewives is. It's like I do not never heard No what the Real Housewives is. He's like, I do not, never heard of it. I don't know. No. So Joel's like, ladies, get to know the new guys. Let's start off with some shots, get things lubricated, and let's get to know each other. Welcome out in boys, welcome to the Love Hotel. Hi darling, how are you?

Just got rid of two losers. Sorry, Jerry and Mark, so who's ready to make mama happy? So Giselle sees Edward and she says, Edward, I'm Giselle, what's your name? And he's like, Edward. And we see Edward, 61, property manager from Washington DC. And she's like, I'm pretty sure I know you, sirrah. And he's like, I think we do know each other.

And then Shannon is talking to Adam. I think Adam is the guy, he's like white hair and he's got like glasses and she's like, oh. So how old are you? He's like, I'm 54. Oh, well, I'm 60. I'm an old lady. You're younger than me,

but that highlights the fact that I'm old. I mean, my seventh decade, technically. And wow, you're really making me smile here, Edward. Wow, I'm just an old hack over here. Why am I even in this hotel with this over-familiar valet? I'm gonna go home now. And he's like, don't even worry about it. It's not like I'm some spring chicken.

I'm 54. Well, that's what I blew in my DUI last year. So thanks for bringing that up too. A lot, thanks a lot. So Giselle is talking with Edward privately. He's very Steve Jobs, this Adam guy, right? Doesn't he look like Steve Jobs? He's like, and wait, we have one more thing to announce.

The iPhone. And so Giselle's like, Edward, I have 12 questions, not even 20 questions, because I'm already bored, too bored to have eight more questions in these. He's like, oh, I know. So while she's talking to him, everyone else is, Shannon's talking to Adam about what he does, and she's like, so, Adam, what do you do?

So Adam, you work in real estate? And he just sits there quietly. And it says, Adam, 54 entrepreneur from Belmont Shores. Okay, well, thank you to the Chiron person who's at least making an effort here. Can I marry a Chiron? That would be great. Can I change the font though?

That font gives me agita. And then we see this guy, Craig. Craig, he has like big swooped over dad bangs and he has this crazy pattern shirt. And he's like, you know, accounting was my background and now I'm a Troy and I travel a lot and I just came back from Dubai." And she's like, oh, oh, good for you. I suppose you didn't buy any shirts there because I see the one that you're wearing and no one would ever wear that outside of whatever awful street corner that you live on.

Okay, great. And I was like, I love to travel. I'm heading down to an octagon in December. That's gonna be great. An octchtica. What a place. All right? And she's like, oh, well, I've never heard someone saying they're moving to the South Pole, except for a penguin in a movie that guilted me for using gasoline in my car. Happy feet. How about you gave me a very unhappy movie going experience, you guilty, guilty little birds?

What they don't know is that when that penguin moved down to the South Pole, he left behind a wife who now had to take care of an entire household for herself and start selling cinnamon. So I'm not sure that penguin should really be the protagonist of a hero of a movie when he left a trail of destruction behind him in the North Pole. So much for Penguins mating for life! Oh, well, everyone, look, there's a Penguin on an ice floe with a sloth! Enjoy yourself. So now there's Ian, 52, business development from Brooklyn, New York.

He's got white hair and thick black glasses. That's the white hair guy. Oh, so this is Steve Jobs, right? Who was the other guy? Yeah, I don't remember who Adam was. Oh gosh, it's hard to keep up with these guys. So is Adam the one they all kind of liked? He's kind of the bigger guy with like a buzz cut?

I think it's kind of a buzz cut. All right, we'll look at that. Oh yeah, yeah, we'll just figure it out. Yeah, it's kind of a buzz cut. All right, we'll look at that. Oh yeah. Yeah, we'll just figure it out. Yeah, it's kind of hotish, that guy, that other guy. So Ian runs a small business, essentially business development for hiring iPhones, and I take on clients and find clients for clients.

Do you need me to say clients more? Okay. My dream of a client is finding clients for clients while I worry about clientele climbing the client ladder. Okay. Client. Meanwhile, Giselle and Edward are figuring out their connections. So she's like, Oh, so you're, you're friends with the Thompson's. Ah, he's like, yes. First cousins. I haven't seen you since high school. I believe it's like, Oh, so did you know what was was going to be here? I think I had no idea. I actually thought I was going to Beth

by and then somehow stepped into the wrong van and wound up here at this hotel. I don't know what I'm doing here at all. And she's like, I can't date you. I dated one of your cousins. He's like, I totally agree. I turned the corner and I saw you and I said, Oh my goodness, I hope that woman's not on cricket. Also, does anyone know if I can get a USB cable around here? I still need to go to Best Buy. So Giselle can't date that guy because she dated his cousin. So Giselle is making small talks. So how is the family? It's like, family's good. I see them from time to time. I started a voice acting career. I was in the latest movie, Garfield. I don't know if you caught it, but it's pretty big,

pretty big, that crazy cat. Did you know that that cat eats lasagna? Oh, well, that fits you, which is Gisele. That's literally makes no sense. Like, oh yes, you being in Garfield, that fits you. She's like, I've already checked out. I'm not attracted to you. I already told you straight up, I'm not gonna date you. Why are you calling him a fat, lazy cat? It's just so rude.

It's just so Gisele to say that. Like Garfield, that fits you. So Ashley is talking to Gisele in the confessional. She's like, so did you hit all the bases with his cousin? She's like, oh yes. And it was good too. So Ashley is talking to Giselle in the confessional. She's like, so did you hit all the bases with his cousin? She's like, oh yes. And it was good too. It was a good cousin.

Oh, well maybe it runs the family. She's like, well I can't find that out Ashley. Won't do that. Why can't you date somebody's cousin, you know, 50 years later or 40 years later? What's wrong with 30 years later? I don't know. She's just not attracted to this man.

And she knows it. She knows there's no, she just doesn't even want to go through the straight of pretending to like enjoy this person. She's like, uh-uh, no, I'm coming up with a great excuse. You handed me a great excuse on a silver platter. Why this will not go any further. Yeah, cause Giselle likes a fit kind of hot man, you know?

Yes. So now Ashley's talking to Ian and he hasn't been married and now she's also talking to Craig. She's talking to both of them. Craig has also not been married and she's like, so Craig, you have a doppelganger, who's your doppelganger? And he's like, well, one is Stephen King. That's what I hear.

And he actually does look kind of like Stephen King. Yeah. They all start cracking up. And she goes, no, no, you're a very handsome man. Excuse you. Stephen King's at home watching Love Hotel. Like, what the fuck, man? Yeah. And she goes, no, you're handsome.

You've got some Austin Powers vibes. So you know, Ashley's picker is really messed up. Like Michael Darby, Austin Powers, these are not handsome men. By design and poor Craig is like, yeah, you know, I get called a lot of things. Some say I look like Stephen King. Some say I look like Austin Powers.

It's like, that's not a good hybrid. That's not the hybrid you want. He's like shagalicious, huh? So then she's asking Jason about himself. He's a 37-year-old real estate agent from Washington, DC. And he's very energetic and bubbly, and they're like, close in age, and she's a Gemini. And she's like, so you're May 22nd, are you a Cancer or a Gemini? And he goes, Gemini. And she goes, oh my God, so you're May 22nd, are you a cancer or a Gemini? And he goes, Gemini. And she goes, oh my God, like we're all astrologers here. Yeah, and so then Adam, yeah, I think Adam, you're correct.

He is the one who sort of has like, he doesn't have much of a chin. His sort of, his head sort of stops below his lips. And so he's like, oh, so I don't know anything about you personally. And I don't watch the show. Oh, really? So where are you from Adam?

He's like well originally South Africa, and I lived in the UK and then actually in Oxford. Oh Europe. I've been to Europe I know Europe have you ever been to? Gashod I've been there drove off a cliff there. Why do I keep talking? Yeah, like I'm an MBA at Oxford and oh Oxford. Yeah, have you been to Oxford Circus? That's in London been there, too Yeah, and it was an amazing experience amazing experience Yeah, if you ever been to Heathrow Airport been there been there too. Okay. Come on. Try me Wow MBA MBA at Oxford I got it. I gave a BJ at Oxford. So that's something. All right, right put that one in the show Billy Yeah, yeah one time I had a nice private time with Michael Bolton in the Emirates lounge

over there. Talk about an MBA, like an MBA, Michael Bolton. I'm sorry, that was the Michael that had it so good afterwards. He was just Bolton, am I right? Write it down, Billy. Finally, I love a man with an education. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, God. And he's like, well, sometimes I'm overeducated. You know what? Education is never a waste of time. And I love that.

You know what else isn't a waste of time? Cabaret! Do they teach that in Oxford? I don't think so. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day...

I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram and she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person, a witch. Desiree was gone, and there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person, a witch. A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret. From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross

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Desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. I can promise you something. No overeducated person is on Love Hotel. Nope. Nope. Nope. This is not happening, Adam. I don't know who told you that, but they were lying to you. He goes, yeah, and also it's the people that I met there, you know, because when

I got out of film school, like I hired in Italy, and they had a 1960s train called Il Sabello, you know, what do you think about that? And then Craig just kind of awkwardly comes over. He's like, Stephen King, Shagalicious over here. Huh? Am I right? Hi everyone. What's going on over here? And Luanne is so upset. She, her face gets all like tight, you know,

that classic Luanne unhappy face. Just, oh, here, pull up a chair. Strange man, are you going to sell me watches or something like that? What did you, have you been to that? Have you been to Oxford? Have you been to Europe? Have you been educated? Come on, tell me everything.

So Adam is trying to continue. He's like, yeah, so there I was in Italy, meeting beautiful women, smoking cigarettes. He goes, oh God, who's Craig? I don't even know who Craig is. What's going on, person over there that looks awkwardly like Stephen King in Garfield. I think someone here voiced you and he's like, I didn't want to lose a chance to talk to you. That's awesome. I saw you

sitting here and figured I'd come on over. I mean, I don't want to interrupt. She goes, oh yeah, I thought you were going to say I didn't want to interrupt. And he goes, I don't mind interrupting so bad. And she's like, ah, so you're just going to ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I thought you were going to say, I didn't want to drop, that's my way of saying you are interrupting and you need to go elsewhere. You can't find any of these vibes. Yeah, I'm having a good time too. Thanks for asking. So then we go over to Shannon who is talking to James, who's one of the well, we'll get to I mean, he's the Los Angeles guy I guess we would say so she's like, so James, where are you from? Did you tell me? Did I forget? You know, I did have a DUI once. I just, it's very her fault.

And he's like, I grew up in Los Angeles. She goes, oh, well, we're in LA. And it's Hancock Park, guys. And that's before he graduated from USC. University of spoiled children. Come on, you're a Trojan too? Okay, okay. that's crazy. Wait, what year did you go?

I went, I was 82 to 86. Did you leave any penguins behind? And he's like, well, I graduated in 83. That's so funny. I can't believe someone from Los Angeles went to USC. I mean, what are the odds? I mean, you walk through Los Angeles, no one's even heard of USC.

This is crazy. What a small world. David Keltner It's so funny how she said it to me because when Shannon's bored with someone, she's like, Shannon McHale So, when did you graduate? David Keltner He's like 83 and she goes, Shannon McHale That's so funny. Wow. So, I went to, okay, why you graduated at 83? That's exciting. That's fun.

So, oh, okay. I think I'm gonna go talk to Earl the Pearl a little bit. So then we go back to Luanne, Craig, and Adam. Luanne cannot stand that Craig is there cock blocking with Adam. And Luanne's like, well, Craig, welcome to the Love Hotel. I'm sure this is the fancy establishment you've ever been to, unless you consider Radio Shack fancy.

I can't tell, I'm trying to get a gauge on you. It's like, well, thank you. You know, I've been to Mexico before, and this is definitely a beautiful resort. Oh, where in Mexico? Mazel-Tan for the solar eclipse. Have you ever been to a solar eclipse? It's just amazing.

Wow, you know what? I have, seven years ago. You know why? Because I work in seven year cycles, that's it. New show comes out every seven years. The last one, it got a little dark. You know, seven years ago was the first time Liza Minnelli sat me down and said, girl, I think you finally eclipsed me. So yes, I've seen an eclipse. Earl, is it?

And then we see Luanne's initial love hotel interview where she goes, you know I work in seven year cycles, divorced in 2009, married again in 2016, divorced again in 2017. Well that was actually a one year cycle, not a seven year cycle, but if you divide seven by seven, guess what you get, one, and now it's seven years later. So kind of all works out pretty well if you ask me. Sorry.

It's okay. Sorry, excuse myself for a moment. So Adam's like, well, you know, I'm seven, because seven 1770. That's my birthday. So it's a lot of sevens. And she was no, no, that's my father's birthday. And then she gets up and goes away crying and he's like, wait a minute. But I hope it's the same day. Why is she crying? Did I say something? Why does she run away crying? What the hell is this? She runs into the handicap bathroom and then I'll be right back. So she runs off and Craig's

like, well, I'm guessing I'm interrupting you, so okay. Now, Craig, now you're gonna leave? So Luanne's like, well, she talks about how her father was such an important part of her life and that was rough to have to think of him now, you know, I guess. So Giselle's like, I don't know what the hell is happening. I'm sorry, really quick.

Did Luanne find out that she was about to fuck somebody who knew her cousin one time? Did Luanne find out that she was about to fuck somebody who knew her cousin one time? Did Luanne find out that the guy she was talking to did the voice for Garfield? President Garfield? No, the cat. What cat? Just threw it out the door.

Actually, I know President Garfield, and funny enough, he actually enjoys Garfield. President Garfield and funny enough, he actually enjoys Garfield. Every time he talks about President Garfield, I just give him the day of eyes, you know, from Garfield. He gets following me. Get out of here Padma Lakshmi, you had your chance. So Gisele's like, I don't know what happened, but there's some sort of drama. So I'm going to try to kind of find out what's going on.

And Adam's like, well, apparently I'm born as the same day as her father. And Gisele's like, oh, that's actually not as interesting as I thought it would be. Yeah, so we see pictures of Luanne with her dad, and she talks about how, you know, their birthday being on the same day, just set her off. You know, she cries.

And then Gisele comes in and checks on her, which is sweet. And then takes her back to the- We're still seeing her crying. Yeah, and we still see her crying in the confessional because she's talking about like her dad and she's crying. And then she lifts her hands up, her head up out of her hands.

And she looks at the camera and was like, God, I really hope I didn't fuck up my makeup. Look at me, look at me, God, I really hope I didn't fuck up my makeup. Look at me. Look at me, tragic. Stupid Craig made me cry. It wasn't Craig. Well, I don't know who the fuck it was, but it was someone who wasn't famous.

So then Ashley and Jason are walking together outside and she's asking about his last relationship and he was engaged a year ago, but things didn't work out. And he goes, I found out some things I guess I wasn't supposed to find out. And Ashley's like, oh, was she creeping? Yeah, I've experienced that before. Yeah, so I thought it's not something I would tolerate

nor something I would do. Have you ever assaulted a cameraman? He's like, same. Cause he has like this really high pitched voice. He's like, hi, my name is Jason. So Ashley is basically like, I'm just trying to lean into dating more age appropriate men.

I mean, Jason's around my age and we have quite a bit in common and maybe Jason can give Wally a run for his money. And by the way, by me wanting to date more age appropriate men, I mean, I want to ignore them on the show and go after, I don't know, Ralph. The 61.

So Jason's like, yeah, I think people get into relationships and then they stop dating, you know? And I think dating is really important. And she's like, yeah, well, I like to be courted, you know? I mean, with Michael, it was just a lot of court. But you know, I'm a homeowner now. So I love someone who will come over and change light bulbs. I'm really into that, you know? Do you do windows?

Oh, you're gonna love me. And she's like, oh, you're good with your hands? You can build a house. She's like, yeah, that's how I got my, how I got started in real estate, flipping houses. Oh, that's cool. How do you feel about children on Kitchen Islands? Oh, so Giselle brings Edward over to Luann

and Giselle's like, I brought the voice, the voice to make you feel better. Do a Garfield thing. He's like, oh Dave, I want some lasagna. Who is this man with a high voice? Luan. So she's like, sorry, I needed to collect myself. I've also been told that I've been called in

to read for Odie. I don't know who that is, but, I needed to collect myself. I've also been told that I've been called in to read for Odie. I don't know who that is, but sure, an opportunity is an opportunity. I wanna go wherever you go. That's where I wanna go, Verizon. So now Shannon is sitting with James and Adam and James is like, you know, it's really interesting that all three of us went to USC.

Well, when you live in Los Angeles, it's not, it's not so interesting, I suppose. And what's going on with you? And Adam's like, well, how's it going? Are you meeting folks? Well, it's been interesting because, you know, I'm a relationship kind of girl and I've not really been much of a dater. So it's been weird being on this hotel and being stuck with a man named Earl the Pearl. It's sort of disorienting. He won't leave my side. And Adam's like, I haven't found a relationship. I'm just, I haven't found the right person yet.

It's like, well, I think I like Adam the best. Well, so do I. So get in line, get in the Adam line. I'm taking him. It's like, well, he's very well educated. You know, he got an MBA in Oxford. All right, Billy, remind me of the line again. I got a BJ Ware.

I don't like that line. Take it out of the show, Billy, or you're fired. I just love that when he goes to school, he wears an Oxford shirt. I mean, I just like a man who dresses well. No, Oxford's a place, you dumb idiot. Stupid Orange County lady. Listen, I want to get to know Adam inside and out. What?

What? You wanna know what he said? Ha, ha, wow. Oh, I'm so happy that once again, the man that I like the most is going to be stolen away from me by a vamp at the show. I just love that so much. Oh, so you want him inside out while I went to see that movie

thinking it was gonna be a romantic comedy. It destroyed me. When talking about inside out, My insides were outside of my body. I was disgusted. So many emotions. Talking, talking, talking. Well, get in line, emotions. I thought that movie something or other. You know, the only thing that made me smile was when that sadness was on the screen. God, she's just a barrel of laughs. I really connected with her. So did we. The funniest emotion on the screen. God, she's just a barrel of laughs. I really connected with her. The funniest emotion on that show. Oh, my favorite character was Drunken Mammock Depression.

What a girl. Oh, and that imaginary friend just sort of faded out into the darkness. I was like, is that an imaginary friend or is that my, is that my Barish to David? No, both were imaginary, I suppose. And both have faded into the past. All right, what are we talking about? Adam, come on over here, buddy. Come on. All right, have a seat on mama's lap now. When you said my father's birthday, I lost it, but I'm okay now. So he's like, oh, I thought it was me. I was like, why'd she get up?

And then he left me with the Antarctica guy. So that was... James, I know a lot of people Let me make that very, very clear. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar.

I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar.

I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar. and like, okay guys, let's do some yoga TikToks. Well, I will tell you this right now, James, I am not a cougar.

Let me make that very, very clear. I hope you do not expect me to cougar out for you. I will not do it. And he's like, oh. Well, that was sort of an aggressive noise. Are you saying that I am a cougar? Cause I won't accept that. I've been traumatized before by being called a cougar

and I will not be one. So Joel comes out to have the next segment and then he's like, hello angels. And they're like, he's like, hello Charlie. How was that? That was a good show. Did everyone get that? Does that make me a cougar?

And the answer is yes, I will accept turndown service. Thank you so much. But you can leave a chocolate. I am trying to keep my calorie count down low today. Okay, angels, now that Joel is here, this shaman is about to self-destruct. That was... He's like, well, I can't tell if you're happy with me or if you're ready to kill me, but

I'm getting a vibe that you guys don't like me. It's really not cool. I am the host of this show. Okay. I don't have to be doing this. I've started movies on Hulu. Okay. But I'm doing this for you.

Oh, yeah. This the the the turndown service guy. It's really kind of spicy tonight. Huh? Well, you're in big trouble, Joel. Because I'm going to be open and all the things, but Joel, like, no with these guys. Like, what the hell with them? Why are you bringing these crappy guys for us to date? Yeah. So Gisele still likes the same guy she started with. And Joel's like, come on, guys, there's a guy with a ticket to a space shuttle. That didn't

pique any of your interests. I mean, look at all the ladies that just went up into space. It worked great for their reputations. I mean, oh, is that the same guy that's going to Antarctica? I mean, why do I want to go date a man who's going to compete with my frozen salmon idea? And Joel's like, that's Greg. And Ashley says, yeah, Greg is fine. No, I'm not giving him the key. I mean, what, why I'm going to flip an anarchy? No, no, absolutely. Shannon is so perturbed by the fact that he's going to Antarctica. Like to me,

that is such like a if anything that's nice, it shows he's adventurous. She's like, what? Why would he not do the reasonable thing like going to Temecula to a winery there? I mean, Antarctica, that's ridiculous. So Ashley's like, I'll give him a key. I mean, he's nice. And Gisele's like, well, if I'd known you were gonna come out with these losers, I would have kept somebody else from earlier in the day.

Yeah. He's like, okay, well, if you're not feeling it, you don't have to give a key to anybody. I mean, I'm just saying you could participate in the show or not, but like whatever, I'm getting paid either way. Fellas come on in now. Okay, ladies, pick someone that you want. And guys, I hope you had a nice evening. Okay. Luanne, is there anyone that, that, uh, picked your interest here? Picked your ass. I like Adam. He was born on my father's birthday. Seven,

seven, 17, 17, seven, seven, seven. you're in Adam. He's like, okay, I still don't really understand what's happening, but okay. Yeah, he's like, all right. And then Joel's like, okay, Shannon, you've had some lovely conversations. Soon to be with you, you're gonna talk it up to me for someone who's on the staff here, I'm sorry, but there has to be some sort of boundary

between staff and guests. Anywho, what I am looking at is, who do I have the most in common with? So I'd like to give my key to James, cause he went to USC. Well, I wanted to give Adam a key, but Luan beat me to that punch, so I need to spread my wings.

It can't just be Earl the Pearl. I love that Shannon like low key hates Earl, but keeps him around because he's the only one that likes her. And it doesn't, I think she ends up with somebody. So I'm hoping it's not Earl, because I will feel so bad for Earl. I mean, I want them to get married in one way, but on the other hand, I'm like, come on man, be nicer to Earl, what'd he do?

The Shannon and Earl relationship is so amusing to me. I do love that, like, she keeps on trying to like find like a better candidate, but she keeps getting stuck with Earl the Pearl. Earl the Pearl. I just love when Luann says it. Earl the Pearl. So Ashley, who do you choose? She chooses Jason and Giselle looks everybody over

and she's like, I'm going to keep my key. Goodbye. And then, Bell looks everybody over and she's like, mm, I'm gonna keep my key, goodbye. Oh, and Joel's like, oh, you're gonna keep your key? Okay, fine. So gentlemen, if you did not receive a key tonight, which is basically Deep Voice guy, Craig, the guy with the shirt, and other guy who hasn't said anything

but looks kind of like John Slattery and Steve Jobs, you have to go. Well, I will say Bellman, it was nice being able to give out a key and not have been trying to take away my keys, which is hugely what happens. So. So does this hotel not have a key card or is it keys?

I'm confused because at the front desk, they gave me a key card, but you're giving me keys. And I just wanna know which one I'm supposed to use. That's a good point. So Craig is like, well, I wish I did something differently. You know, I could have worn a different shirt. So I'll have something. And not interrupted so much, get the hell out of here.

And Edward's also out of there. So now everybody else gets to stay and guess what? Stories are written in the stars, okay? So we're gonna find out tonight when the old gentlemen are mixed back in as well. Okay, bye, going to bed. Better than this, better than you. Okay, this show sucks.

You know what? I got a call to make to my agent. They shouldn't call it the old gentleman. Well, you're gonna meet with the old gentleman. Well, we're going, you're going to meet with the old gentleman. Could you be more specific? So now it's the next day and we're on a beach and Ashley's teaching a yoga class and, uh, it looks like Phil is kind of like helping out with it. And so, um, there's sort of leading it and everything.

And she feels like touch your toes, touch those toes, clench and wink and clench and wink. What does that mean? That's not a yoga move. You teach your way and I'll teach my way. That's yoga and balay. So Shannon is... Well, I think, you know, the new guys seem to be fitting in very well.

They're kind of ignoring me, and it makes me feel very comfortable around them as a result. And nine out of 10 of these men have already broken up with me. So I'm starting to feel very at home here. And Wale is like, I'm not trying to get to know these guys

because he's just sitting there like not talking to them. He's, I was like, okay, Wale, we're seeing, we're starting to see your toxic traits now after you seemed so beguiling earlier in the season, like two episodes ago. Okay. So then, um, he's like, yeah, I'm just here for Ashley and, um, uh, Ashley thinks Ralph looks really good and he's really flexible and meaty. So now they go back to the old, I love how he looks 62 years old.

That's a real turn on. The love how he looks 62 years old. That's a real turn on for me. The pecs don't matter for Ashley. You can't tell me that the pecs matter for her. It's the fact that she is- No, Ashley doesn't care. No, she's like, she sees wrinkles. She sees afternoon naps and she's like, I'm in.

So Jason is talking to Ashley now and he's asking her about her book. And she's like, okay, well, I've thought about this title long and hard, Ashley Darby, Brains, Booty and Pros. So he's like, oh, well I can deal with that and see you on the front cover. I mean, big name there. I mean, that's the pros, right? Right?

Pros. I have a question. Why are pros, why is pros the last part of your pun? Brains, booty and prose? It feels like you're, it feels like you're doing a pun, but there's actually no pun there. There is no pun. Brains, booty and prose? There's no book either.

So there we are. So now Ashley is like posing for book covers and stuff. And she is liking Jason better than W they because while he's so serious and Jason's fun. So then Giselle sits with Ralph and she asks him if he likes to shop. And he's like, uh, yeah. And meanwhile, Earl's like, well, I want to go to the boutique. I'm going to see what they got in that boutique there. That's probably some real good stuff.

Earl is the guy who likes to browse at the resort boutique. Like, anytime you go to a resort, I'm always like, who shops in these boutiques? These little boutiques on the side. It's Earl, Earl the Pearl shops at those boutiques. He's like, I got a dream catcher. So, and then he says he wants to see what they've got. And then Giselle says, I need some more candles.

And Ralph says, you know, I've started to make my own. I know that sounds really dopey, but it's something really easy to do. She's like, it doesn't sound dopey. We have already had multiple storylines on my show about making candles. I'm pretty used to it at this point. How many wicks are in yours?

He's like, yeah, you know, the toolbox isn't that big. You know, I got candles and music. What else is there? I don't know. She's like, well, I'm actually impressed and inspired, but I'm going to make some candles because I'm a candle girl. So she says that she likes Ralph candle making. I do not believe that Giselle is turned on by Ralph's candle making. I just refuse to believe it. I think she's maybe turned on by the fact

that he's surprising. I think that she likes that he keeps on surprising her because I think Giselle likes someone that can challenge her. But I don't think she gives two shits about a guy who could make candles. If anything, she would make fun of him. But I think, or at the very least, maybe she sees that this guy could help her make a candle

and really upset Wendy and Karen all in one fell swoop. Yes. Because candles obviously are a... A running story. Candles play a pivotal role in Potomac lore. Commercials, here comes one right now. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives,

callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen. And ultimately, you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to

and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. So Jay and Shantlin are talking now and Jay's like, you know, I wouldn't have imagined you with Earl, but now I can't not imagine you with Earl. Like, I want to see you together. And she's like, wow, I got joy seeing you and Gisele together. And I just think that she wants a little bit more fun or some crazy, you know, something more.

You need to do more things. And he's like, well, there's a lot to discover about me. Don't you worry. Is there some sort of precious stone or valuable item that I can rhyme with your name? Cause I'm really getting sick of being the only one with an Earl the Pearl. Like, is there like maybe Jay the Opal?

No, that doesn't work. Jay the diamondal? No, that doesn't work. Jay the Diamond. No, I just can't be the only one with an Earl the Pearl. It's giving me too much personality and people keep wanting me to stick with him. So then we got a Luanne and James, Jason and Adam all talking and she's like, well, my, here's why I'm called the Countess boys, okay?

My first husband's father was ambassador to Monaco, and then I lived in Europe for 12 years, and I was thrown into the aristocratic world. Me, a humble nurse from Waxahachie or where the fuck ever. That's where I first got up on that stage and I said, ladies and gentlemen, and someone said, ding, ding, ding, sing! And then the Queen gave me a knighthood. So I was like, should I become the Countess or the knight? Knight Luan, and I chose Countess. The queen still hasn't spoken to me. Well, she's dead now, God rest her soul. But I still

regret taking that special day away from her. You know what I mean? You know, being someone who once met the royal Duchess of Luxembourg and someone who met a very prominent business person in Andorra, I say, wow, being an aristocrat is great. And I think to myself, here I am stuck with a bunch of schmucks in a hotel in Mexico and I reflect on how far I've come, but it might be all worth it for one good fuck. And James is like So did you ever meet grace Kelly? Oh, no, no, no grace was long gone But I did meet someone named grace grace

Grace Schmidling she was annoying. What are you talking about again? And James she goes my step she goes the king of Greece and the queen of Spain Those were our people. Our people. It was the milieu of people that we were around. Do you understand the word milieu? Where's the guy from Oxford? He'd know. Anyway, yes, I used to love those days hanging around with the Queen of Spain and the King of Greece. By the way, did you ever see my show where I plucked a catfish out of a river in the middle of America? Yeah.

I love my trajectory. So, James is like, well, my stepmom was Grace Kelly's best friend growing up and she wrote a book called The Bridesmaid because she was a bridesmaid at Grace's wedding. Well, isn't that something? I made the queen cry. So there's my biography. Put that to music and sell it. Fucking idiot. Can I get a better milieu around here? Thanks. Lou Anne goes, Wow, as I get to know James better, I'm discovering our worlds colliding. It's like there's almost an invisible string bringing the two of us together.

Here I am, someone who once interacted with the king and queen of different countries. And here he is, someone with a stepmom, someone who didn't actually raise him, who once knew someone who was famous. Wow. Our worlds are colliding. So you have four kids, huh? How long were you married and do the kids still ask you for money? Because I need a lot of it. Did you ever do taco Tuesday with your children? Because I sure as hell didn't made the man do that shit. So this guy is such a red flag. He goes, well, four kids, the first time I was together for nine years, the second time

we were married for four years. You know, I'm a lover by nature, but if it's a hassle and it's a nightmare, I'm fucking out of there. We'll show you that right now. Wow. I mean, even if that's true, maybe not the best way to phrase it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you're a lover by nature and she, and he was like, you know, I was divorced about three or four years ago and we were together for, you know, 24 years and she no longer wanted to be married to me. And then it goes, well, you know what? I live my best life because I love my life. He goes, wait, did you just say you love your life? That's my thing to say I love my life.

What? I love my life. And he raises his arms. He got big pit stains. He goes, and I love my life. Wow. We have so much in common. Your stepmom knew someone famous. I knew someone who was famous. We both love our lives. I think it's time for us to get married. So Joel goes to Shannon's door, which is weird. It's really awkward. And he's holding towels. I'm like, well, are those is that artichoke and mani's mixed with spinach and served with a side of chip? No towels. Okay. well, you surprise me every time I see you, person who gets my car occasionally. Please don't come into my, okay, you're coming into my room.

Well, this is something, dude. This is a bit of an overreach service these days, right? Well, gracias, senor, for los towelosos. Is that how you say that? Thank you very much. And here is a $2 tip for your services. You can go now. Oh, do me a favor. When you pass the front desk, ask them for a Do Not Disturb sign written in Espanol. Yes, I unfortunately, yeah, when it says Do Not Disturb, that means you don't get to walk in the room or even knack, but thank you for the tabulosos.

He's like, I've really wanted to get some time with you. So here I am. Well, it tells that I could use to wipe artichoke dip off my hands. Thank you, you can go. This is a little unorthodox for you to wanna talk with me. And he's like, no, I wanna talk about this. So then Gisele's talking to Jay and she's like,

well, so I see you were chatting with Shannon Bedora, which is interesting. Shannon says things to me and I'm like, Jay said that. And she's like, oh my gosh, Jay is so funny. And I'm like, that's funny because I don't actually see him make jokes or have much personality. How do you feel about that, Jay? Can you make candles?

And Jay's like, well, Shannon gets the best out of me because she likes me, you know, but I like you, wah. And he goes, yeah, I can't tell if there's really a romantic spark coming from you. And she goes, well, that's where it starts. I have to like you, you know, you should know layers, right? So if you're interested, you know, I could know the boring layer of you and maybe the funny layer. So bring the funny layer out. He's like, yeah, I guess I just got to navigate my way around you.

Well, she's saying be funnier. So I think you have to be funnier. Because if you're giving Shannon Baddour all the good stuff, you're doing something wrong here. Yeah, he's basically like, this girl's not into me. So I don't know why I have to sit here and have this conversation. So then we go back to Shannon's room. And he's like, you know, I just wanted to see how you're doing. I know this is a lot, you know, you've had many breakdowns, kind of every day, you know, and you've had a couple of years leading up to this

that have not been easy for you or houses on streets or law enforcement or lines on roads that are trying to keep order. So how do you feel? How do you feel, Shann? I mean, I am a bit uncomfortable sort of sharing these things with the you know, the valet, but I know no one does really want to know about me.

It's just, it's odd because I never would have imagined me with Earl. Everyone keeps forcing me with Earl the Pearl and I don't know if people realize that he lives on a lake in a small town and I don't know. Lakes are disgusting. Lakes are gigantic paddles with lots of germs floating around to them and frankly, I don't have time for the psoriasis. You know what I'm saying? But there he is.

Just a toxin estuary. Again and again. Because don't forget the gator shoes. Yeah. Yes, I will not forget the gator shoes. And you know what? I'm trying to spend as much time with him as I can, but I also want to get to know other people.

And he goes, well, I see you trying and maybe this is your uncomfortable moment with Earl and maybe you need to just ride it out. That's what I'm doing. I just keep saying, no, lakes are okay. People like lakes. It's okay to live by a lake in a ranch house. And that's, I don't know, I'm just, something's missing. I'm trying to find it. I think what's missing is, I don't know, personality, looks, non-gator shoes. I don't know. A decent city, something to swim in that's not covered in algae. You know what I'm saying, don't you, Valley?

And he's like, well, I guess time will tell. Speaking of time, why am I still in here? Does somebody come get me or do I just leave when I feel a natural end to this conversation? Well, you know me, I'm no prize. He's like, wait a second. I want to stop you real quick, Shannon, and I'm going to'm no prize. Wait a second. I wanna stop you real quick, Shannon, and I'm gonna hold your hand while I say this.

Oh God. Shannon. Is there a service fee that I didn't pay? No. Shannon, give me your hand. I really want you to hear me when I say this. Just because you're a pathetic drunk on a reality television show, best known for a string of failed relationships and a DUI, does not make you a star and does not give you license to treat the people you work with

like they're subhuman. Period. They will make me delete this, but DM me if you'd like to see some videos. Bezos. Wait a minute. What was that? What the fuck was that? Valley? I'm sorry. That was a future tweet. You're great. Nothing you did is your fault. A lot of people get drunk and drive. So don't even worry about it, Toots.

Okay. You're a fucking prize to someone who's never had a prize before. And you know what? Just focus on your worth, which is very little, and how amazing you are to someone who's not me and then just internalize it. And internalize that in the form of living. I've never seen a kid who's never had a Cracker Jacks find a piece of shit little plastic doggie in the bottom. They were so excited because they've never had a toy in their

candy before. Shannon, you're that tiny plastic dog that people grow out of extremely quickly. Do you understand? That is… Wow, I really have difficulty taking a compliment. Oh, my heart is fluttering. You know, I've been told I have a Cracker Jack personality and now I understand. Thank you so much, Valley. Now, I did want to talk to you about the night that you gave me my keys back. You probably shouldn't have done that. So So how is it like an apology? You know, it took me a year. You know, I am a good catch.

It took me a year to realize that I am a good catch. And so we see a flashback to her at the pool and Earl and James and unfortunately not Jones are swimming and Shannon's like, by the way, I know we're all having a really fun moment swimming in the pool at a hotel resort. What could be more fun? Anyway, here's a picture of me bloodied in the face because I had a DUI almost exactly a year ago. So, look, look at my bloody face, everyone. Isn't that fun? Okay, go back to cavorting in the sun.

Pete Slauson She pulls out that bloody picture again. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Oh my God. Pete Slauson And James goes, oh my God, that's horrific. Jesus Christ. So you want to date me still? Huh? Earl the Pearl. This is just her way of getting her all at prom. What the fuck are you showing? She's just trying to get her old apparel to lose his boner for her. She's trying to give her old apparel the egg. He's like, well, uh, well, just know that that lovely lady

right there in the picture, I've got a motorcycle waiting for her in my garage. And so Joel's like, wow, that's a testament to you, Shannon. You know, I'm proud of you. And I did not mean to make you cry yet. That's coming in about a month. So she goes, well, it doesn't take much, does it? This can all be made up with spinach and artichoke dip which you should bring

to my room immediately." So he leaves and it was a very sweet scene that I'm sure he will be regretting for the rest of his life. Yes. So then Giselle is still talking to Jay and she's like, so this is what Jay is trying to say. He's like, look, this woman's trying to have me perform up here. Like I'm Dave Chappelle. And she's like, no, cause Wale has joined and Wale is like, so are you different with Giselle than you are with other people? And Giselle's like, yes. And Wale is like, well, you know, you can't force her dynamics, you know, how you interact with someone is how you interact with them. And she's like,

okay, well if you're not gonna support me on this, I've got, I've got a real trick for you because Ashley told me you're not funny. And I'm like, Ashley, what are if you're not gonna support me on this, I've got a real trick for you because Ashy told me you're not funny. And I'm like, Ashy, what are you talking about? Well, it's very funny. She's such an asshole. And he's like, what do you mean? I mean, I barely even talk to her. Every time we talk, it's about serious, deep stuff.

That's why she's asking me, so that's what I'm gonna give you. And he's like, yeah, so this bothers him, you know? He's like, before the other guy came, she was all lovey-dovey, now she's just blowing me off, you know? So Giselle's like, bring all of you, Wale, bring all of you, and you too, Jay, non-funny person?

So now it's dinner time, and there's this table set up on the roof, and everyone arrives, and randomly Joel is in the confessional, and he's like, a lot of people say, all great love stories are written under the stars, but as a very jaded Pisces, I'm not so sure. So I planned a four course meal underneath those stars,

complete with an astrologer to test that theory. Is this gig over yet? Can I go back to making movies? Thank you. Exactly, he's like, please get me out of here. That's that theory. Is this gig over yet? Can I go back to making videos? Thank you. Exactly. He's like, please get me out of here. So Ralph and Giselle are making small talk and he's like, you know, the moon, the way it's sitting right above your head right now, it's pretty special.

She's like, thank you. Could someone please move the moon from my head? I do not like moons above my head. Thank you. So Ashley's talking to Wale and she's like, so I heard you talk about me a little bit. And he's like, yeah, well, Giselle was saying that like that you went somebody else

like laugh and joke. And I'm like, we laugh and joke. And she's like, no, you're not funny. Yeah, well, know how you just told that story. Notice how I didn't laugh at the end of it. It's cause you didn't say it in a funny way and you're not funny. So just maybe rephrase it and try to be funny next time. He's like, well, you spend all your time with every, what'd you say? Notice how we're having a serious conversation right now while you're trying to

explain that you're funny. He's like, you keep spending your time with everybody else. And she's like, that is not true. And he's like, yes, it is. So they're having trouble. And then we cut over to Shannon and Earl and she goes, oh, well, I just, I don't know what this menu says. Do you know I need my, my five tuple, my five tuple glasses. Like these are just the bifocals. The tris aren't going to work. I need the quads. Quint-focals is what I really need. Quint-focals. Yes. Or need. Quint-focals, yes. Or sex-focals. You know, those are six, six-linth-es, but I just don't like saying sex with my focals. Like, let's focal a little bit less on sex.

I'm not a cougar. I'm not a cougar, Earl. So Earl's like, well, it says watermelon. I mean, I don't know why he gave me this. I don't eat vegetables. What? What do you mean you don't eat vegetables? You, what do you mean you don't eat vegetables? You live on a lake and you don't eat vegetables?

Who doesn't eat vegetables? And he's like, a lot of people. He gets offended. She goes, well, it's very important to eat greens. And he goes, and pizza. She's just like, why do you always look surprised? Like you want to slap me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Well, if I had a stock of broccolini right now, I would swipe you across the face with it. I would slap you. If I would do for a rutabaga to throw at your head right now, who doesn't eat vegetables? She is so mad. Her face is like, How dare you, I'm telling Dr. Moon about this.

So, Wale and Ashley are still talking about how they don't communicate and blah, blah, blah. And so, he's like, you know, I have a connection with her, but I don't understand how to operate in a space where there's multiple men talking to a person at the same time. This is just bothering me, you know? He's getting jealous. And he's like, I understand that point. I understand that point. Like it is weird. You're trying to like flirt with someone, but then you're like competing at the same time, but like just pretend you're at a party. And also like now we really are seeing like the, the other shoe drop with Wale because he's like, he seemed really hot at a good personality and everything, but it turns out he's like clearly super insecure. And this whole look of like,

you haven't been talking to me very much. That's so unattractive. Sorry, Wale. You're off the list. Yeah, he's very possessive. And he says, you know, there's part of me that's trying to be respectful, but you know, I haven't really figured out. And I feel like you're basically looking at me like, well, if there's anybody better, I'll go talk to them. But then if there's only Wale, then I'll talk to him. Yeah, it's called the dating show. That's what you're doing on television. Like if you're like this on a dating show, what do you like in real life? So then Shannon, things are really bad

with Earl the Pearl because Shannon does the unthinkable, which is she turns away and starts trying to make a conversation with Phil. She's like, oh, so Phil, how long have you lived in Los Angeles? He's like, five years. Five glorious years. Oh, well, that's, why is it that every time you talk, there is a scary organ that plays the background? And you came from Arizona?

Oh, you know where Bal-Air crest is? That's where I'm at, right at the crest of Bal-Air. Oh, yeah. Well, that is very central because you can get to the valley and then you can get to the west side. Oh, God, I love a crest. Aren't you funny? The valleys. Like I would go to the valley. That's hilarious, aren't you? You feel like you're away from everything in Bel Air? You can go on a walk, a bike ride, fly in the moon on a witch's broom. Who's gonna know? Walk around naked in your front yard, walk around fully clothed with a turban on your head. Who's gonna say a thing to me? No one, because I'm in the

crest of Bel Air. Wow, must be fun living on that crest. Unfortunately, it seems like there might not be any room for a lake. God, wouldn't that be terrible. How do you feel about Lakesville? Well, you're being very quiet, Earl. You need to participate. And he's like, I don't live in California.

What do you want me to say? Just, well, you can listen. And he's like, why are you being so critical of me? This is like the third time you said something to me. Oh Jesus, are you being serious right now? What are you, a vegetable? Are you serious? What else did I do?

All I said is that you should participate. And when you said you can't participate, I said you should listen, which is technically what you were doing in the first place. What is wrong with you? And he's like, I just, you know what? I just felt extremely sensitive for some reason. Sensitive? Who would feel sensitive? I

mean, look, suddenly the man who lives by a lake and not on Beverly Crest, well, suddenly he's sensitive. I just can't even believe it. Why would he be so sensitive? You know what's sensitive? My stomach lining, because I've had too many vegetables that are a little bit too acidic for me. Too many tomatoes, no more nightshades. Well, you can still join in on the conversation, can't you, Earl? And he's like, I don't got any reference. Oh, I understand. We're just having a little conversation at the dinner table. Normally, this wouldn't happen because lake people do not mix with Bel-Air crest people. But here we are. When in Rome, do as the lake people do. I love them, like, hectoring Earl to join in on the conversation about Belle Eyre. You can still participate. Say something about Belle Eyre.

Surely you've seen the Fresh Prince, have you not? Which Antviv was your favorite, first or second? What's your favorite street corner in Belle Eyre? Go and tell us. Tell us, Earl, tell us everything! Do you at least like bells? Do you like air? Which do you like more, bells or air? Come on, you can do it, Earl. She is openly fucking with Earl. She's like trying to get into a fight with Earl. I think so she can finally have an excuse to break it off with Earl, but there's nowhere else to go, you know? And I like that Earl's not taking her shit either. He's like, what the hell?

Why are you being mean? And then he asks her why she's being mean and she starts spinning out like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Are you kidding me? He suggested I was mean. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

This is why I don't live near lakes because they infect your brain and give you strange perceptions. But to be fair, I'm a little bit on her side about the vegetables. When she's like, you don't eat vegetables? Well, if you said like you don't eat vegetables? Well if she said like you don't eat vegetables that's fucking weird but she didn't she was like you don't eat vegetables?

Who doesn't eat vegetables? Calm down. I mean your nickname is half of one Earl the Pearl. Onion! So then Louen's like is this a beef wellington? The last time I had one of these I think think I was hanging out with, I don't know, the Queen of Finland, wow, aristocratic life, am I right? And James is like, oh, it's very pretty.

He's like, yeah. And she's like, he's like, no, I was talking about you. Ha, I love my life, I love my life. Oh God, we're so like, well, it's so romantic that you think I'm prettier than a beef steak. Thanks, James. Stunning. like, well, it's so romantic that you think I'm prettier than a beef steak. Thanks, James. So then while they and Ashley are still having their serious talk and he's like, well, whatever you're feeling for me, you're not allowing it to happen. She's like, I'm being sensible about it

out of respect for the process. And I really do dive in. He's like, well then dive in. Yeah, but it hasn't so far well for me. Have you ever tried to date a golem before? He's like, I'm telling you, it'll fare well for you. Dude, you're trying to convince her that you're funny. You're so serious right now. You are fucking this up for not just like Ashley, but I think anyone who's watching. Who may have.

Yeah, she was like, you know, maybe it's best that we just let it breathe. And he's like, well, you don't want to like me and it's evident. So you're doing things to make sure our shit is severed. And Adam's like, I'm just being a fly on the wall, but this is a tough process. Am I right, guys? I mean, I thought I was getting kicked off the show after making Luann cry about five minutes ago and she just asked me to marry her. So.

Lauren Ruffin You know, I've been spending a lot of time with these younger guys and neither of them have been married and neither of them have children. And some of the experiences they have, I just don't think they necessarily understand. Laura, like, connect with me on these things. Like I don't know what they've ever experienced, what it's like to have two toddlers spend their entire childhood on a kitchen island. That changes a woman. Yeah.

So she apologizes to him. She's like, I didn't mean to ruin your night. And he's like, I got it. So then back to Shannon, she's like, vegetables, you don't eat vegetables. I mean, you're going to put me in tears right now. It's surprising that you don't eat vegetables. That's all I was saying. I mean, everyone in California eats them. I'm sorry. It's important. Vegetables are important. And I'm sorry if you feel like your feelings were hurt because I was criticizing you. Why wouldn't you say something? He did.

He literally did say something. And now look what you're doing. You're spinning out. He said something the second that it happened. And you're acting like he never said anything. Lady, you are Looney Tunes. But then he's very patronizing. He's like, this is a dinner party, sweetie.

And she's like, did you just sweetie me while I was explaining to you California culture, California's vegetable culture? And let me just make it clear. I was team Earl until this, when he went, this is a dinner party, sweetie. I was like, oh no. Now I can see them getting married

and just having nasty fights, nasty toxic fights for the rest of their lives. But I didn't like when he was answering her like that because I feel like if you're with someone like Shannon, yes, Shannon's completely Looney Tunes, but you just have to have kid gloves and be like, you're, you know, none of this is, you're taking this as it wasn't intended. I didn't mean anything. I just, it kind of hurt my feelings. You need to turn it back on her. Like that hurt my feelings when you were chastising me about vegetables. It's nothing personal.

Or maybe you could just say something more evolved. Like I don't really like vegetables, but you know, I would, I'd be willing to get into them for you because it means a lot to you. Obviously vegetables are part of your California diet. We eat many vegetables in California, as if like people in the rest of the country don't eat vegetables.

I was like, it's important in California. California is also the home of like burgers, burgers and more burgers I'd like to add. So, yeah, but California cuisine is very much like, here's a grilled piece of salmon and a whole plate of raw vegetables that we've seasoned with olive oil and salt. That's what's so funny about California cuisine is that California cuisine, like, it's just funny that we call seasoned with olive oil and salt. And that's what's so funny about California cuisine

is that California cuisine, like, it's just funny that we call that California cuisine because we all like to think like that's what California food is. It's like vegetables, avocado, alfalfa sprouts and everything, it's healthy, it's healthy, it's mindful. But California is the land of like roadside attractions. It's all like five patties in and out, in and out.

Geez, you know, like the hot dogs, like it's so crazy. It's such a fast food culture. So the fact that we call California cuisine, just like we only claim like the vegetable, the healthy part of it is hilarious because California cuisine, actual California cuisine is like destroying all of our arteries.

That's my commentary. So, like I'm drawing lines on this cuisine discussion. I'm, I am, I'm not allowing Shannon Bedor to act like we only eat vegetables here. Don't tell me what I eat. But there are a lot of vegetables too, I'm not gonna lie. So then Giselle senses that there's like tension at the table, so she's like, wait, wait a second, Ashley,

there's a fight, there's a fight. Shannon and Earl the Pearl, they're arguing. Go look, go listen. So Earl and Shannon are still fighting and then desserts arrive and the fight has to, we have to put a pin in the fight because now it's time for this astrology, Azura, to arrive and give them readings.

Azura, to arrive and give them readings. Jared S I know, but it sounded like you were about to say Azura. So I just finished that word. Pete S Azura. Jared S Enter Azura. So here comes Azura, okay? And she's like, let's do an astrology reading, everybody. So, Earl goes to check on Shannon. He's like, how are you? she's like, let's do an astrology reading everybody. So Earl goes to check on Shannon. He's like, how are you? She's like, oh, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm upset because in my past, all of a sudden my partner would be angry with me and I would go, what

did I do? What did I, what did I, what did I do? And I wouldn't get an answer, but there would be a punishment. Oh, you bet. I would get ghosted. If I would get speaking of vegetables, I would come out and my car would be covered in tomatoes. I guess that wouldn't be a worry with you. But to be fair, that was also because I got drunken. Did drive into a farm stand once, but that's, you know, that's fine. And he's like, well, listen, that's not me that you're describing. It's just,

well, it is a boom, boom trigger. Okay? It's a trigger for me. And he says, well, when you're, you know, you're in a relationship, you're growing in a relationship, there's landmines, you know? Apparently, yours are rutabagas. And, you know, look, look at it this way. A few things you said to me reminded me of my first wife, and that's a landmine I didn't see coming. She's like, oh, did she say you don't eat vegetables? Is that what she said? Why would you? No, no, no. What she would do is criticize me in some way, and then she'd say, no, I didn't do that. And then that doesn't make me your ex, and it doesn't make you my ex. It just means that you are someone who reminds me vividly of the ex that I left because I

hated her so much. Everything about you reminds me of someone who I just want to forget in my life. And that's okay. And she goes, Okay, well, then let's go. The last thing to check off the box, make her feel stupid for being upset right now. Okay, because you just said that was stupid, that I thought that way. That's not what he said. He said, he said it's stupid that you guys are treating each other like your exes

when you're not your exes, Shannon. But she takes that to be like, oh, he just called me stupid. So well, I feel like I've been getting to know someone and I don't feel like I know who you are. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? It's a carton of milk that we could put Earl's picture on.

Can someone please find Earl? He's gone missing. He's gone missing. Don't check the garden. He's not there. He's not there. I'm gonna have to call you Earl the Swirl because you just swirled away from me.

I don't know who this person is right now. You've been taken over. He's like, well, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm just, it's fine, I'm just gonna let you go, I'm just gonna let you rest. Yes, please do, and please enjoy sitting on a chair, looking at photos of that lake you live by, disgusting,

not even vegetables in a lake, I still can't believe it, I'm fucking believable, I'm fucking believable, fucking, break, break, break. So she storms off, freaking out, and he's like, "'Yeah, I guess I'm hoping tomorrow I'll have the opportunity to talk to Shannon more. God, I really don't like public conflict though.

We'll get used to it. So, then Ashley is like, well, I liked her all. Man. So, then we go to Azura the astrologer and she's with Luan talking about her birth chart. She's like, I looked at your birth chart. She has her moon in Sagittarius and she gets born easily. And Adam's like, yeah, that's understatement of the year. And your moon, you, your moon is Gemini. Gemini and Sagittarius are the opposite, but they are also complete. You see? Opposites, but they go like this in circle.

Like beefsteak. Like circle. A beefsteak. No circle, just mainly circle. So James is like, I have a question. Can you feel the energy between the three signs? Oh yes. Three semastrology read. It's like the time I was with the president of Latvia, the president of Slovenia, and the queen,

of course, of Ireland. Please read the signs. She's like, well, I think there is something interesting here. But doesn't say what. Zoro it was kind of a faker. Let's be honest. So, then Gisele goes to Ralph and she's like, "'Oh my God, there's so much tea, yah.'"

And he's like, "'Yeah, I'm just trying to stay in my lane. I mean, Jesus, you know, I don't know. I'd like to pursue, I don't know if I, I want to know if I should pursue you, because I want to.'" And she's like, really? Yeah. She's like, yeah. Yeah, he's like, yeah, it feels good to let her know.

I just wanna focus on her. That's all I want, you know? And I just, you know, I wanna goof around, laugh at people, not at ourselves. She's like, yes, that's one of my favorite things to do, laugh at others, not at yourself, introspection, bad, other people, making fun of other people, good. I'm coming to Nashville,

and we can just point at people on the street and laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. He did just say the most romantic thing you could say to Gisele or me really, which is I just want to spend my life mocking people with you. That is like so sweet. It's like you know me, you get me. So meanwhile, Shannon is still crying

over the vegetable fight and she's crying to Luan and Ashley walks over and she's like, I don't know what happened. I was sitting next to Earl and he turns and he goes, Shannon is still crying over the vegetable fight and she's crying to Luan and as she walks over and she's I don't know what happened. I was sitting next to Earl and he turns and he goes you've been criticizing me I mean not that forcefully he wasn't like you've been criticizing me But he was like you've been criticizing me and then I mean he could have said it nicer Which I guess is a criticism about him criticizing me. But the point was he was angry. He was I would say he he looked like He just eating a hot chili pepper, but he doesn't even eat those, I'm furious.

And then we just see a flashback of her going, why are you being critical? This is Shanna. Are you, are you, are you, are you, are you being serious right now? Listen, you gotta expect more from guys. I mean, not this guy lives by a lake in a crappy two-bedroom house, you need more.

Ash is like, yeah, I mean, you know, I know you like him, but you're opening up to him, but maybe you need something else. And she was like, I mean, Ashley, I have been spending so much time with him because I want to develop big feelings for him because I know he's such a good person, but he doesn't eat vegetables. How am I supposed to have a future with a man who won't even come close to watercress? Well, you know what Grace Kelly probably told someone before she died because she was way too old for me to know. You can't put a triangle into a square thing.

Well actually I guess you could if the triangle were small enough. But you get my point. Shapes don't go into shapes. And Earl's the triangle and you're the square. And guess what I am? I'm a slot that's ready to be filled. Where the hell is James? I think Shannon's a little too sophisticated for Earl. Am I right? I mean, look, as much as I love him as a couple, I just, I don't think he has the worldliness that Shannon needs. And by that I mean insurance coverage that covers therapy.

You know, I said, I said, I said, do you eat vegetables? And for him to snap at me and go, I don't even know what you did. What? I mean, R.A. asks, has the man even eaten a carrot? Has he eaten traviso? Has he had cabbage? I mean, who has California? I can't believe Earl doesn't eat vegetables. I mean, what the hell? She's like, oh my god, she's hitting the fan over vegetables. I mean just get some broccoli put some ranch on it and call it a day. Eat your veggies, Earl. I just I want to go I just need to fix myself in the bathroom. Okay, don't think about the fact that he doesn't eat vegetables. He doesn't eat vegetables! So Azura is now reading Gisele.

She's like, oh, Venus in Scorpio. She needs to find someone to fusion with and she just wants that connection that happened between two souls. So if you want to connect her, you have to learn to feel. That is what Gisele wants. Gisele likes feeling. No, she doesn't. Okay, at least watch these shows before you come on here and be a bad astrologer. You suck at this. You haven't gotten one right. Yeah, Gisele's like, okay, thank you. Gisele's like, the last thing I want to do is feel. Thank you.

Yes. So then, James pulls Luanne's shoes off and gets her a foot massage. She's sort of sitting with Adam, but then James take like, it's her foot massage and uh, she's like, Oh yeah, yeah, do it. Do it. Oh wow. Yeah. You know, I have to, by the way, I have to, I have to thank you, Shannon, because James was not on my radar at all, and then you gave him a key and I thought, wow, Shannon might like this guy, so I should like him too. And it turns out I like him even more than that dumpy guy Adam.

I mean, who wants Adam, am I right? I kind of want Adam. Oh, sure, yeah, you could take him. I think I saw him eating a leaf of arugula or something, so that should check your boxes. Well, I didn't say I wanted to eat too many vegetables. I mean, if he has too many vegetables, that would signify an eating disorder, which I certainly don't.

Would this eat too many vege- Adam, get over here! Why do you eat too many vegetables? So then Giselle goes check in with Ashley, and she's like, did you kick Wale to the curb, bah? And she's like, no, just I'm trying to experience the love hotel and experience it with a different kind of man

who's like funny and not possessive, et cetera. And then we just got to Shannon. I mean, I can't believe this. She's now in her room and she's sobbing. She's like, fucking hell. Vegetables? I mean, what about a parsnip? Will you eat a parsnip, Dill?

Do herbs count? Will you eat herbs? This is hilarious. She's cursing, sobbing, throwing a fit. And so Shannon comes over and she's like, Shannon, what's going on? And Leora's like, oh, she's upset. She went to her room. She's in a tailspin. Let's go. Come on. I hear something up there. Do you hear it? Greens, greens, nothing but greens. Parsley, pepper, cabbages, and celery, asparagus, and watercress, and fennel, friends, and lettuce. None of them. And then Shannon emerges from her room. Now she's wearing like a pink fishnet pajamas,

which doesn't make any sense. She's like, I've just had a really emotional year. So anything that's brought on, especially in this time period, I just get hyper emotional about it. And I hate it. I hate it. But when you've had a DUI and you find out a man doesn't eat vegetables, it's a lot to process. Much like the food that man has a DMU IV. Driving not under the influence of vegetables. I can't take it. It's very triggering to me. It's just very triggering. I'm sorry. So Giselle, Luanne and Ashley are sitting together talking about Shannon and Luanne's like, oh, well, I put my slippers on. I'm so happy. What are we talking about, by the way? I know we're supposed to shoot a scene. And Ashley's like, well, Shannon just walked into her room and then we went to knock on it. She didn't even open it.

Oh, that's because she unraveled because of how we talked to her. Something about vegetables. I don't know. It was hilarious. I was laughing. All right. This is the Love Hotel, not the Cry Hotel. So we need to focus our attention on Adam. And the other one goes, wait a minute for her? Adam's for her? She goes, yes, for her. How do you feel about that? She goes, well, all right. Well, I like James. James makes me laugh. Fine. I'll take James. You know, he was nominally related to someone who once knew someone very famous. And I think that's a real connection that we have. So I'm going to stick with James. You know, as much as I'll give him like, yeah, I'll give up Adam for Shannon. Fine. She can have him.

So then, oh, something I'm really glad our note taker mentioned because I totally noticed it and I forgot to mention it earlier. I love Bravo's shameless attempt to like draw in white Lotus vibes by playing like fake white Lotus music. The entire episode had like those little like yips and like sounds. I was like, this is not the white Lotus. It doesn't even feel anything remotely close to white Lotus. Why are you trying to do this Bravo?

First I thought it was White Lotus, but then I realized it was just Shannon crying in her room. It's like, I'm gonna have a, I'm gonna have a, vegetable, vegetables, vegetables. Vegetables, vegetables. So now Ashley and Jason are hanging out by the pool and Shannon walks over in her

pink fish nets and he's like, Oh, you came back. What happened? She's like, well, hi. Okay. Hi, Jason. We haven't really had time to really talk. So I want to, I want to tell you something. He's like, sure.

Tell me what to say. What, what's going on? She's like, well, I should say the god's your fuck because today at 1159 is the one year mark in my DUI. Jason, would you like to see the picture of me bloody here? Jason, take a look, take a look. He's like, um, I'm going to get on out of here. Bye. He's like, um, well, it's not 1159 yet, but be kind to yourself.

Bye. Bye. And she's like, oh, sorry, sorry. Did I, did I interrupt what was going on? I'm just so sorry. I'm just such a wreck of a person, Ashley. And Ashley's like, listen, you're the first priority, okay? And, you know, when I was going through things, Gisele, of all people, rallied around me. So, I could at least do that for you. So, what are you going to do at 1159? Are you going to take a

picture of where you are now? Because you should be so proud. I mean, back then, you were running into a house and now look at you one year later, sobbing uncontrollably over vegetables for two days. You're doing great, girl. But at least this time when you're sobbing uncontrollably, you're only a little bit drunk. Thank you. You know, one year ago I took that selfie and I don't even remember taking it. And here I am, better, stronger person.

Does anyone else wanna see my bloody face? Jason, do you wanna come back here? You wanna come back here? Do you wanna look at my selfie again? No? Okay. So she takes selfies to compare it to the last selfie. And there you go. Ashley's like, wow, you took a selfie.

Congratulations, Shannon. Do you wanna twerk on my TikTok? No, I don't know what that means. But thank you for speaking to me, lady I met recently. Thank you. So then Wale, Ashley walks into the lounge and Wale is there and she's like, hey, I just want to say good night to everybody.

And Wale, are you going to go to the gym tomorrow? And he's like, are you going to go to the gym? She's like, yeah. He's like, okay, cool. So like she's giving him like a little reassurance. And then she's like, um, you know, and then he's asking if everything's good with Shannon. She's like, oh, she needs, you know, she's like, it's a big day for her. And Ralph's like, well, I know the hotel is hard and feels like one to share. He's like, well, I mean, they were two great guys. I know I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I'm just navigating between Wale and Jason and, you know,

but the truth is, you know, I really like you, Ralph. And Wale's like, what the fuck? Yeah, because she says, you know, there's two great guys. And Ralph's like, well, there's more than two great guys. She goes, yeah, well, that's true. Well, I also wanted you to, Ralph. So but I'll let you guys figure that out. Bye. Why is everybody fighting over Ralph?

I really don't get it. I don't think Ralph's gross or anything, but I just don't see Ralph as the BL and all of these guys. No, I don't get it. It's weird to me, but they love him. And so she's like, well, maybe I can fix my daddy issues with the right daddy. Not a good sign. So Ralph's like, well, I I can fix my daddy issues with the right daddy. Not a good sign.

So Ralph's like, well, I mean, what the fuck do I have going on? And Phil's like, things change, whatever it is is working. Wally's like, I don't know. I'm a hot guy. I have a good personality. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Wally's like, I have never in my life talked to a girl that can be equally attracted to someone who's like 60. I just, what the fuck? I just, what the fuck? It's a fair point. His confusion is not totally without merit. Yeah. So, Ralph's like, well, that fucked with my head.

Does that jeopardize me and Giselle? And Wale is like, the math is not mapping, you know, and it's yikes. Let's see what happens with this show. This show is so weird and messy. I love it. What an odd vibe. It is really good that you have like these four women who are like courting these men, but since their housewives are also really messy with each other in subtle ways and it's like it's causing chaos. It's such a good show. I can't believe it.

I love it. Thanks everyone for being here. And we'll be back with The Valley and other shows later this week. Get your tickets to our shows at watchwacrapins.com and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye everyone. Bye.

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