Watch What Crappens - #314: Below Deck’s Kate Chastain and Apple Socks
Episode Date: July 29, 2016Below Deck’s Kate Chastain comes back to Crappens to cover the Below Deck Mediterranean Finale and the upcoming season of BD Classic. Also, Real Housewives of New York squabbles on a yacht ...and Ramona Singer buys some Apple Socks. Enjoy! Find Kate on Twitter and Insta @Kate_Chastain and read her blog at http://aluckycharminglife.com Timestamps: 0 Opening Chatter and Crappens Mailbag: RHOEl Paso 13:37 RHONY Yacht Party 59:43 Kate Chastain interview and Below Deck Med Finale Our new show at TuneIn starts next week! Download the app! For our premium feed, bonus episodes and extras, visit http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith.
Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously.
But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports.
So what changed?
Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts.
If you enjoy Watch What Crappens, check us out on TuneIn, where we host 20 minutes of additional content.
Download TuneIn to check it out.
Watch What Crappens, oh I love Watch What Crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?
Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium subscribers, Nicole Chickering and Christy Doherty. We love you girls.
Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old brawls.
I'm Ronnie Karam from the Rose Pricks Bachelorette podcast and the Big Brother Smother.
And here I am with Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender. Hello, Ben.
Whoop whoop!
Ben!
I got a little whoop. I had to whoop it up. I had to whoop it up, you know, Ronnie.
Whoop.
Whoop whoop.
A Vicky depressed whoop.
Whoop.
Yeah.
It's like a sad police siren.
Guys, do you like to whoop it up?
I'm whooping it up right now.
Welcome to Watch What Crappens. If you want to find all of our links, go to watchwhatcrappens.com and come to facebook.com slash watch what crappens to talk to other listeners about the shows as they air really funny comments uh and if you want all
of our extras our bonus episodes we've been doing a lot of really good uh food network star and
politics episodes don't worry those are to a minimum it's basically yeah an episode about
really uninformed things. Yes.
Pretty much.
If you want those bonus episodes, we're loving doing those.
Those are actually full-on episodes now.
And you can find those over at patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens.
That's patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens.
And thank you to everybody who supports us over there and listens to those.
That's become like a whole new life for us.
Yep.
It's great.
And that's that.
We've also been posting really fun polls on ye olde Twitter. We're at
What Crappens.
And today, we have Real Housewives
of New York, but even
more importantly, we have Miss Kate
Chastain from Below Deck
joining us.
She is the best.
And we're going to be talking about that finale and asking her lots of
questions.
So stick around for that.
But first,
Krappen's Mailbag.
Krappen's Mailbag.
Okay.
Well,
we have our mailbag is just, it's so full and we're going to be working
through this mailbag for the next few episodes um so we're going to pick up where we left off with
lauren green she says hi thanks for making me look like a crazy person while laughing out loud
while running down the street listening to you two. Our pleasure. A combo Bravo personal question.
What would the women in a Housewives franchise
in your respective hometowns, Katona and El Paso, be like?
How would the cast compare to the actual Housewives
closest to them, New York City and Dallas?
And how would they interact with New York City and Dallas
if there was a crossover?
Oh, Lord, that's so much.
I know.
I think we're just going to approach just some of that. I don know if we can take tackle all of that but we will go some of it
so tell us about what a real housewife a real housewife of el paso would be like ronnie okay
i would say if they did a real housewives of el paso they should just follow the junior league
ladies around because my mom was in junior league and and every day they would just have these wine parties
and get shit-faced in each other's backyards while the kids ran around.
And they would do charity work like the Housewives do.
They'd be like, come on, we're going to go see poor people.
And then we'd take them food or whatever.
But then they would just be doing it because it's part of their drunken daily routine.
And then they'd backstab and try and get to each other
and fuck with each other and like
the fuck with each other's newsletters it was it was a lot of fun drama that we could take from
real life my mom is ronda and she would be the one who's like you know what you need and it's
just always telling everybody off and um definitely her friend nora n Dean, who is so nice and kind of silly, you know?
Kind of, you know.
I don't know.
I don't know, Rhonda.
Like, what'd you say, Rhonda?
What'd you say?
Isn't it?
She likes to say, isn't it?
For whatever reason, she's always saying that.
She'll be like, oh, I love that piece of pie, isn't it?
That'd just be like her tagline when turns around the credits yes that's like her little
thing that she does that kills me and then um probably my mom's ex-best friend bonnie would be
would be in there too she seemed really nice but then she would turn everything around so i would
choose those three from el paso who'd you choose oh it You know, Katona, it's hard to say what the type
is for Katona, because Katona
is
sort of like, it crosses,
there's part of it that's
slightly working class, there's part of it that
is new money, there's part
of it that is like old
school waspy. I mean, Katona is
where Martha Stewart lives, so you
would definitely have Martha Stewart types.
But then there's also
a lot of people who have moved up into Katona
and that region from Yonkas in the
Bronx, and so they're
very much like New York Italian.
So I
don't know what it would be like. I kind of like the idea
of a mix of it, you know? Like a
Martha Stewart mixed with
a Bethany Frankel, which would
then just be the Celebrity Apprentice Martha Stewart edition.
So that's basically what it would be.
Bethany Frankel could finally get her revenge at the end of that damn show.
I know.
Exactly.
Sorry, I don't have a good answer for that.
I was like really trying to think about it, but there's just there's just nothing good.
It's OK, because I'm going to write the whole show now, Rhonda, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Isn't it?
So, Delazadee,
we answered your question,
Delazadee, so you just calm down.
Just kidding, she wasn't mad.
Catherine says, since Rosie is back
on screen, can Ronnie do one of my
all-time favorite impressions, I'll fucking
kill her from backstage at the reunion.
Oh, man, I almost forgot about that moment.
Jersey, they always come back acting like they're so nice.
And by the time they get to those reunions,
I mean, this is the most troubled cast ever
when it comes to reunions.
And I think that was because that particular reunion,
somebody had said,
what did you feel when... said, what did you feel,
Teresa, what did you feel when you saw
the scene of Rosie and Kathy
with their mom talking about
you?
And she says something, well, you know,
something. She didn't even say anything that mean.
And you just hear from backstage,
Oh, fucking God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Boom, boom, boom! Oh, fucking God! Oh, God! Boom, boom, boom.
Oh, Rosie.
Classic.
Classic.
My landlord just went to my door.
Ronnie?
Did she really?
Yes, because she's out there with a leaf blower.
Oh, no.
I'm okay.
All right, should we do
one more? There are
three questions left in the
mailbag. I wildly overestimated
how much was left in here.
Should we do one more question
and save the next two for next
week or just save all three of them for
next week? What do you want to do?
Let's do one more.
The next one in line here
is Henrissa Bassi.
Henrissa
says,
one of my favorite episodes was the one
in which you both vented about your frustration
with Tom Morrow and shared
his ridiculous email about seeing Ramona
but not saying hi because, quote,
friends do that sometimes, end quote.
Have you had any other interactions with him?
If not, are there other bloggers with whom you have beef?
Love you both.
No, actually, I haven't.
Have you?
No, I have definitely not had any interactions with him.
I don't think we really had interactions.
He was just really big on, he was really into that Housewives world.
And he's, I from jersey right so he
would he would always be sending links and kind of self-promoting and stuff and i click on links
like if you send me a link i will click on the link you know and i just started getting really
mad because he would do things which actually tom tom was very smart because all the housewives
blogs would basically copy his style where they'll be like something terrible
happened to ramona singer today click here to find out she's like i was late for you know i was late
for breakfast okay god damn it you know you have to sit through their ads and all that so
i don't really i don't really know him i just like teasing him but i did interview jacqueline
lorita a couple weeks ago on another podcast, which was super fun.
It was so great.
We never talked about it, but it was so great because he really just let me say whatever I wanted.
And I wasn't mean, I don't think.
But, you know, I was asking.
I did get to ask her honest stuff.
And she answered pretty well.
And at one point she said, well, I was talking to a blogger the other day.
And I said, was his name Tom?
And she said, no, no, but I know who you're talking about.
No, it wasn't him.
But I thought it was funny that he kind of came back into my life in that way.
In that weird way.
Yeah, he was like the original clickbait pioneer, right?
Like everything he said was just so stupid things like hey look
kim granitelle ate a lobster roll you know why did i just waste time clicking on this
kim g orders an appetizer before her lunch
it was like gossip about people who weren't even full-fledged cast members and who hadn't been on
the show in two years yes but that said we were going off about those emails but i never even knew the guy like i don't really have a beef
in real life with him yeah no we don't have a beef with him and i don't really have a beef with
anyone i think when i was um i feel like there was i feel like there was someone some some uh blog
that i felt had like ripped me off back in the day i don't know maybe it's like perez sultan or
something but like really no i don't have a beef yeah you know i have to say bloggers have been so good to us that
yeah i can't even imagine and then like most blogs even even prez hilton i'd like to add
oh yeah yeah even when we met that well we met him separately but i got to see him with a black
eye so that was hilarious that was good someone punched him at a reality award show
yeah that was uh because he called like the match the black eyed peas a fag great great work there
so the guy punched him in the eye but and then he was like violence is not the answer
drawing dicks on someone's faces yeah but he but he's he's sent some like like really strong link love to my blog and so i don't
have any issues with him um uh but i don't i don't really think i never really had an issue with him
um i think i just had jokey beats with with anyone if anything and they were not real and yeah i
don't think we have any beats with anyone no and i you know i was so boring saying that but sorry
yeah we don't bloggers have been really good to
us and with most blogs you you know if you don't like them you just go to a different blog that's
probably talking about the same thing yeah yeah i don't think anyone has i don't know we'll start
one how about we'll start one with like after buzz tv they're the worst we actually have really
good really i'm trying to think like michael cook writes a lot of stuff, he's really good to us
Buzzfeed's been really good
Beach Spin over at
Is she a reality team?
Beach Spin has been really good to us
We have a huge beef with Cindy C on the case case
She is just out of control
Oh, that woman
Take her down
Take her down, Cindy C
It's her birthday today, by the way.
Happy birthday, Cindy C.
Hey, Cindy C.
Happy birthday, baby.
For those of you who don't know, Cindy C on the case case is at Andy.
What is her thing on Twitter?
Andy fan?
Oh, my God.
I'm so rude.
Happy birthday.
F'd up your Twitter name.
Just look her up.
Yeah.
She's all over this
Bravo link world.
She posts so many news stories. She educates
us on many Bravo things and has been
with us a long time. But anyway, yeah.
That's that.
Yeah, no.
Everyone's been super cool to us.
And I can say honestly from the
TVgasm days, everyone
was super cool to us on the
way up and has been
continued to be great all around
I think that there aren't a lot of blogger
beefs because the truth
is if there were a blogger beef you guys probably would have
heard about it a long time ago oh yeah
we would have blogged about it we would have mentioned
it yeah bloggers I really
enjoy making fun of
what I make fun of but each other like you know
like you gotta have some kind of rules like in the military they just can't shoot each other
they have to shoot the other side okay define your enemy and fight them
exactly all right so let's close up that bag let's close up that bag okay here it comes here it gets
closed real housewives of new york city oh yes by the way today's episode is all about yachts.
We're talking about only two things.
Yachts in Miami and yachts in the Mediterranean.
Yes, a lot of idiots on yachts.
Yes.
Who drink too much and ruin their lives on camera.
All that was missing was T-Pain.
Yes, this is a big yacht trip, guys.
I'm not sure where Luanne got this.
Are you sure where luann got her yacht
because she kind of mentions her friend in the something of the whatever of a friend of so and so
yeah i thought it was i assumed it was tom's you know dagostino family yacht but i'm not sure if
it is maybe just like tom's friend of dagostino maybe it's the a and p yacht or the or the stop
and shop yacht the a and p well i'm friends with Publix so it's
Publix yacht this actually belongs to my friend Ralph this is Ralph's yacht on your way out they
tempt you to buy peanut M&Ms and some people magazines I would not let a real housewife
borrow my yacht you know they ain't gonna tip anybody I think Ramona's gonna force you to look at her in her underwear and then not tip you
yeah okay so we open this episode with Dorinda and Sonia having lunch because that's kind of
what Dorinda does this season she's either getting her nails done or having lunch with people and
then planting little seeds yeah I noticed by the way that John has totally evaporated from the show
he's like after that craziness at that party she has been like no john you are no longer
allowed to appear on camera here's what i'm gonna do i'm just gonna appear at lunch
and get drunk occasionally yeah pretty much dorinda is keeping that lunch schedule full
so she doesn't have to show john or her daughter who was probably horrified by
her eyebrows being made fun of all over the internet last season she's absolutely yeah she was not wanting to show up uh today she had an opportunity
and no it was not happening yeah so sonia shows up to lunch in this gigantic fur hat which probably
smelled like febreze mothballs and i and I don't know, like crusty jelly.
Wesson oil, yes.
Wesson oil from the 70s.
Like expired Glade plug-ins.
And Dorinda's like, wow, look at those headlights.
Look at those headlights, Sonia, coming through Sonia's top.
And Sonia's reasoning is, yes, of course, it's parents weekend. Well, well you know if you wear a big hat it makes
your boobs look bigger i don't know why that is i'm like i don't think that's a thing sonia getting
her tits out for parents weekend at the boarding school some call that sluttiness others call that
looking for a new job yeah a new old man old man job. Exactly. She's going shopping to find some divorces.
So Dorinda
announces,
I don't think
we can go to Hawaii.
You know,
backing.
When she said that,
I was like,
gosh,
I mean,
like,
how,
I've never seen
so many failed trips
on a season before.
I mean,
at this point,
I mean,
it's going to be
like a return
to Governor's Island
like they did
that one season where it was windy and Alex McCord had a picnic.
That's glamorous compared to what they get to do this season.
Luan was so mortified to have to be on Governor's Island.
Yeah.
So what is this?
Look at that.
The paper plates are flying everywhere.
One thing, the Luan de la Sep collection of plastic tableware
will definitely not fly around on Governor's Island.
The Statue of Liberty lives in the water,
and even she won't come over here.
I don't see a governor here.
Where is Governor Pataki?
I came here for a governor,
and I get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and wind.
Thanks, Alex.
So they're not going to Hawaii
and we get a phone call of
Dorinda and Bethany discussing why
and guess what it's all about.
I can't believe it. Like, literally, I'm bleeding.
I'm bleeding everywhere. Like, Hawaii? What? Bleeding.
I'll bleed all over Hawaii. A shark will come
kill me because I'll just keep bleeding in the water. I'll be like
a worm for
a fish. I'll be like Blake Lively in the shallows, like a worm for a fish i'll be like i'll be like blake lively in the shallows except i'll be dead
i'll be like blake deadly okay i like the shark like i won't even make it to little island all
right she the sharks just eat me just eat me right there you know what i'll be happy just i'll say
shark just come here right now i can't literally i can't i'll be blake not lively um so they're
going to miami because uh it's the last thing on bravo's they're like okay
what about miami to get everybody to agree to yeah they're like we still have a few freebies
from when we shot there with uh real housewives of new jersey and uh what's her i keep wanting
to call her dorinda i'm being stupid Luann is having some kind of an engagement party with Tom.
I finally got a ring party with Tom in Palm Beach.
So they're going to go there.
So Ramona joins.
And before Ramona joins,
I just want to say about Bethany bleeding,
like, is this not the least surprising turn of events?
Here she is.
She was supposed to get surgery to fix this instead
she goes to this doctor who's just happy to be on camera says no no you don't need any here's what
you need you just need to rest okay and then she just and then on top of the fact that she goes to
a doctor who has questionable choices she then goes to aspen so i mean what did she expect get your surgery yeah get your damn fibroids
don't go skiing don't go skiing and with no non-surgery well someone posted a good picture
on our facebook last week of bethany when she's talking about how she's gonna go skiing even
though she's bleeding like a stuck pig um say i'm gonna i'm gonna bleed my name in the snow
okay but uh she's on the hill or no she's
leaning down and she's wearing white jeans with the thong yeah someone said come on bethany you're
liar fibroid conspiracies yeah so luann comes i mean luann ramona come and ramona walks in
and ramona does walk in ramona no one can one can tell what's different about Ramona.
Is it her makeup?
Is it her clothes?
Is it her new spiked heels?
You guys, it's 30 pounds of straw hair.
Yeah.
It's those extensions.
They're huge.
Huge, gigantic.
And the woman's like, you're all gussied up.
And she's like, thanks, guys.
Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys.
Thanks, guys.
Look, guys, gussied.
What department store did you go to?
Little Bergdorf's?
And they're planning their Miami trip.
And Luanne's like, I don't know.
I'll have to see what Tom wants to do.
She's like, come on.
Come on, Luanne.
You're 50, okay?
Okay.
But Ramona is so unexcited about Miami.
She's like, okay, let's face it.
If I go to Miami, I'm sorry.
She goes, okay, let's face it.
I go to Miami like I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, okay?
And I brush my teeth every single day.
Like, my dentist is like, whoa, have you been going to Miami a lot?
Because you've been going to Miami like you brush your teeth, which is a lot.
Okay?
That's one of Ramona's stupid sayings for brushing her teeth.
Okay, time for bed.
Gotta go to Miami.
No one understands.
I love that Will Smith released a song about brushing your teeth.
It's so good for Avery.
I used to have people come over and sing Moon Over Miami to Avery to get her to brush her teeth.
I mean, that girl has quite a moon over Miami.
Her butt?
No, her smile.
It's amazing.
You know what I call
my Sonicare toothbrush?
Miami Sound Machine.
You know, that, you know,
that Gloria Estefan,
she almost, she almost broke her back.
But you know what?
Her teeth never looked better.
Okay?
Sorry, Estefan.
All of her people who worked for her
got in a plane crash
and I immediately heard that news and ran to the bathroom and looked at my teeth.
Thank God they were okay.
Every time Gloria Stefan says one, two, three, four, I know that means I have to go brush my teeth.
So this is a pretty typical lunch with these dodo birds.
Sonia's like, whoa, meatballs.
I love your meatballs, your meatballs waiter he's like
don't play any mind what's one meatball when you can have two meatballs okay sonia we get it you're
still horny okay and then ramona talking about god knows what and ramona went when dorinda said
barely she's sick she's. Ramona gives this look like.
So we all have problems.
We have to go to Miami now.
That's just as bad.
What else is new?
Maybe if she brushed her teeth more,
maybe if she went to Miami more,
she wouldn't have bleeding gums.
Okay.
Maybe she should be on the South Beach diet.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm sorry. We're Stefan.
Luann's desperation is killing me, and it begins in this episode.
I mean, I guess it began a couple weeks ago when she met the love of her life and everything changed.
She's like, oh, Tom's coming.
Hold on.
Let me see what Siri will say.
Beep, beep.
Tom, hi.
It's Luann.
We're going to be in Miami.
Love you so much.
Hope you miss me.
Holding your hand
Tom
Do you want me to bring you
One of these meatballs
From New York
I can save it for you
In a styrofoam box
It's great
Is there an emoji cone
For holding your hand
Tom
I was thinking about
Our couple's bitmoji
I have a few drafts
I want to run by you
Call me back
Can we just put two frees right next to each other?
So let's see.
Ramona suddenly gets up to go to the doctor.
She's like, I've got to go to the doctor now.
And Luanne's like, I just don't understand how you can just suddenly stop eating your meatballs and go to a doctor.
One minute she's eating meatballs, the next minute she's going to the doctor.
I mean, what is this?
Farmer country?
She's beyond the good wife, Luanne.
Wait a second.
You ate a meatball.
Whoa, case closed.
And Dorinda, maybe she's got a personal gynecologist appointment.
So Ramona, it's not the same day, but it looks like the same day Ramona just blows into a shoe store with Jules.
That's where Jules is.
Wearing the same 30 pounds of straw hair.
Jules is in a shoe store trying to pick out a shoe, and the woman shows her a Chanel option.
And she's like, oh, very Asian, right?
Oh, Jules, stop it.
Stop it right now.
And my favorite is that when Ramona walks into the store, because Jules, the woman's showing her, I guess, something about Jules is asking for apple socks or something like that.
And Ramona walks in and goes, apricot.
What are you looking for? Apricot?
Why are you looking for apricot?
Apple socks. Oh, apple socks.
I thought you said apricot.
OK, well, this is crazy.
This reminds me of this one time.
OK, I once had these socks all right and i
was walking around my socks and i stepped in a bucket of apricot preserves and johnny parsons
said that's what you get for being a stupid girl so to this day i still can't have apricots okay
i'm sorry i'm sorry it's very difficult apple's making apple's making socks now it's crazy like
i'm gonna have to wear socks just to read my email i don't like socks
stupid ramona some people say apple socks some people say apricots
excuse me i gotta recharge my socks the battery's always dying all the time i don't understand this
anymore so jules is trying to find uh hide her hip bones with this gigantic denim fringe purse looks like a denim
clown head and ramona comes in and she's just all a flutter ramona is just ready to start some shit
she's sensing the season's over and she hasn't even had one fight you know this bitch gotta pay
her rent yeah she's ready she's ready to go she's ready to to stir the pot yeah so she comes in she's like oh did you read the newspapers
it's crazy okay like we all know that when you say something to the newspaper like something
happens you don't say anything okay it's like a rule i'm like yeah right like you guys have that
rule i'm so sure you guys are so excited to be in the damn newspapers. Yeah, so Ramona's big issue is that Luann told a reporter that she doesn't mind what Ramona and Sonia did with Tom because it was BL before Lu.
But then the reporter, I guess, mixed it up and said that Ramona was the one who used to be friends with benefits with Tom for 10 years.
And this is – excuse me.
This is – a little coffee went down the wrong pipe.
This is really messing up her game with all her boyfriends that she had.
And I love that Ramona.
Here's what Ramona says.
This is an exact quote.
If at the fashion show they asked her about me dating Tom, she could have said, like a smart woman would.
Oh, didn't you love the fact that in the fashion show they're showing so much blue?
I love that color blue. It's called bait and switch, Luanne. Don't you know how to do that a fashion show they're showing so much blue I love that color blue
it's called bait and switch Luann
don't you know how to do that
you do that with your men
can't you do that with your mouth too
it's Ramona Blue okay
that's what she should have said
you're burying the lead
it's Ramona Blue
how could you not talk about that instead
I don't understand it
either Ramona Blue or Yellow
because Yellow reminds me of sunshine okay
you know she was watching the convention and Hillary came on in a blue suit and she had a fit I don't understand it. Either Ramona blue or yellow because yellow reminds me of sunshine, okay?
You know she was watching the convention and Hillary came on in a blue suit and she had a fit.
How could she do that to me?
She wore Ramona blue.
That's my color, okay?
Let's face it.
Hillary Clinton has stolen my color, okay?
It's not Hillary blue, okay?
It's not Democratic blue.
It's not a blue state.
These are Ramona states, okay?
Hillary is stealing the selection and suits, okay?
And then she said – What Hillary should have said like a smart woman is who cares about the emails on the server?
Did you notice all the blue I'm wearing here?
Isn't it a great color?
I love that blue.
It's called bait and switch, Hillary.
Come on now. Okay?
Maybe Hillary's emails got stolen because she was wearing Apple socks. Like, that's crazy.
Who wears their emails out to go walk down the street? Who does that, okay? Let's face it. Apple socks are not safe.
Let's face it. We all like the designer Benghazi. I don't know why we're crucifying Hillary Clinton because she likes Benghazi.
He does wonderful evening gowns, okay?
If we didn't have Benghazi, what are we supposed to put on Avery when she cuts herself?
You know, I like to support Hillary.
Like, I like going to Miami, which is that I do it every day because I'm always brushing my teeth.
Wait, I'm so confused.
Let's face it.
It's a confusing analogy.
Okay?
Why are we going on a group trip to the dentist?
It's crazy.
The charter's going to get you.
Okay?
The charter's going to get you.
Okay?
The charter is going to get you.
That's funny.
Come on, baby.
Do that.
Never mind.
I'll come up with a conga pun later okay
so Sonia and
Jules are like what did she do
she didn't do anything wrong
I love Sonia's accent just coming in
on certain words it's always cracking me up
they're saying she didn't do anything wrong
I was the one who had a relationship with Tom
and then you you know dated him or whatever.
Oh, yeah, he wined and dined me.
Okay?
That was my relationship.
Wined and dined.
Wined and dined.
Like a fine wine.
I had fine food and fine wine.
They all disagree about what girl code is, which is funny.
And then she's like, well well she called me the friends with benefits
instead of you and i'm mad okay ramona singer is not on benefits okay i'm not old enough to be on
benefits and i'm not poor who does that let's face it the way it's a jerk and i certainly don't have
a job okay that would have benefits um uh i love how ramona went from like midway in the season saying i went
on i went on seven dates with tom that's girl code to then like i just want to be happy for
lou i don't care what happened in the past you know whatever i just want a few dates with him
it wasn't anything serious now like i can't believe she's getting engaged this yeah i don't
understand it and her big argument is uh well if she going to do that, she can't bring me into it because I don't want anyone to know who I'm dating.
Why have you brought Tom up a zillion times?
Yeah, exactly.
And you weren't even dating him.
God knows if you were actually dating someone.
God bless their hearts.
So now Dorinda goes over to Bethany's place where we have a critical question.
Shoes on or shoes off?
What do you want, Bethany?
I don't know.
I don't care.
Like, I don't know.
Like, I normally like them off, you know, but like, you know, like maybe I want them on.
I don't know.
Things are happening.
Like, I'm bleeding everywhere.
So like, what's some grime from New York City streets?
Like, I don't know.
Like, literally kill me now.
Like, honestly, like, go, like, walk around, make a dirt pile, and just kill me in it, okay?
I can't.
I'm not taking off my shoes.
I don't want to break my email, okay?
Like, do you know how much these screens cost?
I still haven't got my sock protectors yet, okay?
I'm not going to pay $400 for socks and not get an Apple protector for it, okay?
Every time I take off my shoes and walk across the carpet, it goes ding, ding.
And I say, Siri, I'm not talking to you right now
hey it's a bug my socks keep trying to shazam all this music i'm like stop it there's not even any
music playing okay shazam just keeps saying wham wham wham saying what are you talking about shazam
why are you saying wham my My Apple socks keep taking pictures.
My Instagram is just a bunch of black photos of the floor.
That's so stupid.
And then Dorinda actually does say something about the shoes on or off.
She's like, I had no wise man say, if you knew what you brought in with your shoes, you'd never wear shoes again.
Yeah, but then you'd get it on your feet, stupid. Who was this wise
person? He probably had no soles on the
bottom of his feet. She's like, in other
news, I walked through a fish
manga store.
So anyway, hello.
Yeah, sure, I'll have a spin
cup of this.
Carol. Oh, hi. I'm sorry
I was in CB2. Oh yeah, I got scratches on my face. I'm sorry. I was in CB2.
Oh, yeah.
I got scratches on my face.
I'm a badass.
I went to LA to see Margaret, my boxer, and she was so happy she scratched my face.
Like, oh, you have a dog named Margaret?
No, I actually train with a boxer, and she hates me so much she's transferring the face.
Oh, it's an actual boxer named Margaret. Really mean, but wow. actually trained with a boxer and she hates me so much she's transferring the face that was an
actual boxer named margaret really mean but wow my punches have gotten really good
oh my god i went skiing i went skiing the other day like it was crazy like i was trying to ski
and i was bleeding all over the place like literally it was disgusting like gross like the whole hill it was like a it was like a monsoon of a blood like literally like
cause is like leaving colorado now because i've turned all the mountains red okay literally like
they're like we need a new brand okay this is too much like we like our we like our white mountains
all right this is i don't have a rocky mountain high okay i've got a rocky mountain bleed okay i
literally i can't like it's too much like literally just send me down the mountain just send me down
the bunny hill and just like kill me at the bottom i can't uh uh ramoners oh. Like, it's too much. Like, literally, just send me down the mountain. Just send me down the bunny hill and just, like, kill me at the bottom. I can't.
Ramoners.
Oh, actually, I guess it's Dorinda who's like, well, we're going to go to Miami now.
What's this, fruit?
Is this a kiwi?
That's so good.
We're going to go to Miami now.
You may be seeing things like that. A lot of New Zealand.
Yeah.
I love New Zealand.
Miami or New Zealand?
We've got to make up our minds right now.
Does Miami have Kiwis?
I'm in. I'm back in Miami.
Okay, which place is dirtier?
I want to know what I'm going to be tracking into your apartment.
I can't go to New Zealand.
I don't know what the pavement's made of there.
Don't they just have a bunch of
nuns there? It's just nothing but like habits,
right? Zika is
killing so many pregnant ladies.
New Zealand Ramona. Oh, I'm bad with
words.
They're going to go
to my, they're telling Bethany about
this Miami trip. And of course, Bethany's like,
what? So it's going to be like, you?
Sonia? Like, how many people? Let me count. Let me count on my it's going to be like, you? Sonia? Like, how many
people? Let me count on my fingers. One,
two, three. Like, seriously? Like, how many people have slept
with Tom here? Like, this is crazy. It's
just like a harem for Tom.
It's three people, actually. And
honestly, if Bethany were a gay man, she would
realize this is not
earth-shattering news. Like, this
happens. It happens. Yeah, especially
over the course of 10 years
yeah exactly i mean he was he even showed up in season one people have been posting screen caps
of uh tom on season one talking to ramona so he's been around yeah so they're talking about him and
of course bethany has to add about her bloody uterus and um but you know i still want to do
a tequila party like literally like i have to have shots of
tequila it'll be fun it'll be fun it'll be chill mexican food just just tequila you know skinny
girl tequila tequila tequila my tequila okay bethany we getting yeah exactly yeah well she
has to have that party because the whole mexico trip was going to be a giant like brand uh like
influx you know it's gonna be skinny girl and they're gonna look at
the distilleries that that skinny girl was gonna use for the tequila right so the whole point that
was gonna be a giant moment for the skinny girl brand so she's like she has to have a party for
the tequila now make up for it yeah tequila tequila tequila blood bleeding tequila bleeding
tequila bleeding tequila bleeding tequila you're. Bleeding. Tequila. Bleeding. Tequila. Bleeding. Tequila. Bleeding. Tequila.
You dragged me into the house, Bethany.
I dragged it on my Apple socks.
It's like tequila on my socks.
Disgusting.
They're waterproof, okay?
But not tequila-proof.
Go to Carol's house and she's packing with baby.
Hi, baby.
You're going to miss your mom. and baby jumps off the bed and runs
away and she goes baby baby i don't know why i thought that was so funny poor baby's out of
there it's like fuck you stop talking so durenda basically just calls her and won't come over i'm
in the neighborhood but i can't come over because I'm with my daughter.
Okay.
Well, yeah, because she's like,
you want to come over?
She's like, well, I'm with Hannah.
They're like, oh, that's right.
We're not putting Hannah on TV.
Yeah.
I promised Hannah I would never mortify her again.
So she basically just lectures her to be positive for whatever reason.
Carol, you know, Carol's reaction is normal.
I'll wait to see what Bethany says.
Jules goes to see her parents
and man, she isn't kidding.
She really is.
I thought she was going to be half,
I don't know, maybe,
people who are quarter Asian or something.
I'm not Asian!
But you don't really see it.
Like most Americans,
we're all a quarter something.
I thought it
was gonna be that but no her mom's like oh hello welcome to my home come on it's like
and asian art everywhere um and they were cute she jewel Mom, sorry I'm wearing my shoes. She goes, Oh, okay. For my daughter, I can forgive.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Man, this bitch is tough.
She puts away her little gift of apple socks for Jewel.
She don't deserve these.
I keep these maybe for Christmas.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Hanukkah.
So this is basically pretty boring.
It's just Jewel is obviously being cheated on,
is basically the point of this scene.
Because she calls her kids to say hi,
and they're crying like,
Daddy's not home yet,
and another woman keeps sleeping in mommy bed.
How are they supposed to live with two housekeepers and a nanny?
This is child abuse.
So the Palm Beach workout, what did abuse. So the Palm Beach workout.
Why did I say that?
Palm Beach workout.
What's that?
Airport, I think I meant.
Oh, yeah, probably.
So the women arrive.
Ramona can't carry her little handbag.
I hurt my wrist when I was working out, okay?
I couldn't help it.
I was trying to work out really aggressively with my Apple Socks Fitbit technology. And instead, I hurt my wrist, okay? I couldn't help it. I was trying to work out really aggressively with my Apple Socks Fitbit
technology, and instead I hurt my wrist,
okay?
Okay? Is there anyone here from the hotel
who's gonna help me get my luggage off of
the thing? Like, the twirly thing?
This is nuts! Like, what kind of
place is this?
I've never seen a conveyor belt just go around in a circle.
Like, what sort of factory is this?
What's it trying to convey?
Just say it already.
It's Springs.
We're in Palm Springs.
I don't see a single spring.
Or Palm Beach, I guess.
Never mind.
Never mind, okay?
I hope everybody went to Miami this morning.
You're going to have terrible breath.
Sonia's walking around with two sun hats i don't
know why sonya because she's sonya uh so then meanwhile at the yacht luann's dancing around
by herself with champagne going this is the life isn't this the life hello people on the dock
it's me on a boat it's me on a yacht that's right me on a yacht. That's right.
Not alone anymore, am I, boys?
This is not going to end well.
Anything goes.
In olden days, a glimpse was shocking, and then I fucked a guy from D'Agostino's.
The end.
Thank you for coming, everybody.
Anything goes.
Before the win. Anything goes, but Before Luan.
Anything goes but not Luan.
I'm staying.
Because I don't know how to unmoor this damn yacht.
It's my turn.
She switches into Gypsy.
Don't cry for me, port of Palm Beach.
The truth is I always wanted a yacht.
The truth is Tom will never leave me.
How dare you? I don't care what he did.
B.O.
Master of the yacht.
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
So Sonia is warning Dorinda. I like that they're just calling Dorinda out now. Sonia is warning Dorinda.
I like that they're just calling Dorinda out now.
Yeah.
Sonia says, Dorinda, you didn't start trouble, did you?
You didn't stir the pot, did you?
She's like, maybe a little.
I don't remember.
Sonia says she talks out both sides of her mouth and her ass.
Like, that girl's an all-star.
They're proud of her for starting all this shit.
She's really, we didn't know if she would work last year, but here she is leading the pack.
Yeah.
So then on the ride over to the yacht in whatever van they're in, Ramona's like, listen, I just want to clear the air.
I'm not there to attack her.
I just want to understand why she's not being forthright with me.
I'm like, so you're going to attack Luann.
That's what that means.
You're going to wait till everybody shows up at the party and Tom has just given a toast
to the love of his life and they say, wait
a second. Okay.
Did we date? Did we not
date? Okay. Because Luann
went on the news and said
something about Ramona Blue and that is
not okay.
I got a news alert on my Apple sock.
God, by the way, could you change those things?
Stink.
They made me turn off my phone on the plane.
Okay.
I still listen to wham through my socks.
So now who's the dumb one?
Ramona also tried to fuck the car valet guy the guy the valet guy i guess she's like
hide there could you pick me up and bring me around the block
still got it ramona so yeah she's ready to go for luann ramona is really wound up about this
thing and it is not cool. I don't care what
Luan is doing. Everybody knows she
a hoe. Everybody knows he a hoe.
Why can't they just be hoes together
and build up a retirement fund?
Yeah.
Was this the part where they were cross-cutting?
At one point they were cross-cutting, but either way
we got to see footage of
Luan babbling about getting married. She's like,
I can't believe it. I'm getting married for the getting married. She's like, I can't believe it.
I'm getting married for the fourth week in a row.
I still can't believe it.
I'm getting married.
And then it cuts to Ramona or moments later, she's like, I think she's a sex addict between you and I.
I don't know what's wrong with her.
I think she's addicted to sex.
Hey, Ramona, why are you opening and closing your legs?
She's like, oh, sorry.
I'm swiping left on Tinder.
Oh, I thought you were doing the box step.
Every time I do the electric slide, I reject
three guys and accept two of them.
Every time she comes into someone's house and
wipes her feet on the welcome mat, she's closing
apps. Wait a second.
Hey, Ramona, why are you doing
bicycles? Oh, sorry. I'm playing Pokemon
Go. I'm trying to capture a Pikachu.
From Wondery, this
is Black History for Real. I'm
Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.
What do most people think
about when they hear
the words Black History?
Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.
Exactly, exactly.
There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,
especially outside of February.
And we are about to flip the script on all of that.
Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.
In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
And a little bit more.
She is a heroine to some.
As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.
Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Listen everywhere on February 5th.
Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.
Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,
a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.
student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make
The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.
But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation
to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life
and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.
But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power,
money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or
wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
let's face it there should be a game called pokemon stay so that way i can just step on the pokemon with my apple socks okay the tomkichu was inside of sonia's vagina and then it whined
and died to me and then it went with lillian okay let's get it straight i heard that tom was dating
a girl named charmander okay i only know pikachu so we're done here
I only know Pikachu and Charmander
so that's the extent of my Pokemon experience
so then
the women finally get to the boat
which then affords us the great joy
of hearing Ramona's improvised
nursery rhyme
hey I'm nimble, Jack be nimble
Jack be quick, Ramona jumped over the
candlestick
then the wind took a dick that everybody's already had Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. Ramona jumped over the candlestick.
Then Luan took a dick that everybody's
already had.
There once was a Luan
from Nantucket, and then she
said, fuck it, and I'll fuck Tom.
Because everyone else has.
That's it for the one.
Jack be nimble. Jack be
BL, okay? There's no more Jack.
Like, no one gets to see Jack anymore?
That's not fair.
And then Sonia, of course, still full of herself and delusional,
walks onto the boat.
She's like, no offense, but don't mention this yacht
in the same sentence as my ex-husband's yacht.
Yeah, let's redo your ex-husband's's yacht where you guys probably met you got shit on
by multiple sounds she's like we called it the ss carnival no you were just on a cruise line
where's the outdoor hose in this yacht
uh we had a great deckhand his name was dann Danny You know what You know what we always say
It's bad luck to go into the hot tub
With fecal matter still on you
I was like
Alright girls gather around
We're gonna have oysters with grenadine on them now
I just heard this wonderful new song
Ironing the captain's Pants.
So romantic.
So Ramona won't let Sonia drink.
And Sonia is acting so much more normal.
She is.
Without alcohol.
Of course, I don't know how much I love it, because I like when Sonia is going crazy and being a drunk and ruining her life.
Right. and ruining her life. But she is, you know, you kind of see later in the episode why she drinks so much
because her emotions can just be
completely opened up
and run over by a Mack truck
in two seconds.
But we'll get to that later.
So they all start talking.
Ramona is trying,
I mean, Luanne is really trying
to be positive.
And also, by the way,
you forgot to mention
that not only is Sonya not drinking,
Luanne was like,
you can have a sip. And everyone was like,
see, Luann's a bad influence.
That's what I always said.
I don't know. I didn't think it was terrible.
Sonya's not saying that she's
sober. She's just going through a phase where she doesn't
want to drink. But a sip to celebrate, I think, is fine.
Yeah, she's just sober in front
of you bitches. She's still going to drink when the cameras are turned off yeah exactly she'll be hanging from
a flagpole later tonight once the camera crew goes to bed so let's see ramona is in a better mood and
has decided that she can sleep in any room which has never been said before ever on this show so
ramona is officially drugged up and yes and again mean, this episode to me was all about Ramona
just being Ramona.
Like when she went
on a tour of the yacht,
she and Luanne
were going up
the staircase
and Ramona goes,
this yacht?
And Luanne goes,
isn't it gorgeous?
No,
it's not gorgeous.
It's beyond stunning.
It's spectacular.
And the service.
Wow.
Look at that.
Because someone
hands her a champagne
and goes,
whoa,
okay. I've never seen anything like this. Okay. Look at that. Because someone hands her a champagne glass. Whoa. Okay.
I've never seen anything like this.
Okay.
I mean, I've been, listen, there are a lot of things that are shocking in life.
You know, like the fact that you're engaged to God, who I went on 12 dates with and who
sold you bank for 30 years.
Okay.
That's shocking.
But the service on this boat, magnificent.
That's the most shocking of all.
Okay.
I mean, I have a feeling this boat is going to move so fast.
I mean, possibly faster than you. boat is gonna move so fast. I mean, possibly faster
than you.
This is 2-2, okay?
Let's face it.
Let's face it. It's 2-2, okay?
This is beyond beyond, okay?
You know, this isn't day class A at all.
It's the exact opposite. It's class A.
Okay?
Sorry.
The boat's moving. Oh my god.
I think the rope's loose fortunately you're looser okay
boat is every everything okay everything thing every every
so ramona finally gets her room and of course there's like some young hot guy and she's like
okay i need you to help me with my luggage open this one there's a big
strap just hurry up because i want to rip off my clothes right now hey and he's like oh my god
she's like laying on he's like ignoring her so she's like i mean what i'm saying is i just want
to get out of this clothes i just want to get into nothing but a towel a towel that might just
fall off especially in the company of a strapping young man.
You hear what I'm saying? Huh?
Okay?
It's vacation. This is what you do.
You take off your pants
and you wear a towel, okay?
It's vacation.
He's like, uh, excuse me, I've just got to go throw myself into the water.
Bye.
So then, meanwhile, upstairs,
Dorinda is sitting with Lou, and and dorinda the pot stirrer is
like hey just want to warn you that ramon ramona wants to talk to you about things and so luann
obviously knows exactly what this is she knows it's going to be an attack and luann's response is
she's an idiot luann again trying to not get mad but can't help it Well the singer stinger is not gonna sting me tonight
This is my night
No one's gonna mess it up
What did she say?
How dare she?
Do we talk about their men?
What do we do to them?
Tom is everything to me
He's my life
He's the little man on top of that cake
That I've always wanted my little plastic luann to hold
hands with and she is not gonna rip that from me she will not affect me like you're about your
head's about to pop off i think it's working ramona singer is not about to ruin this wedding
we've already got the cake picked out from the bakery section of dacostinos she's like but i love
that when luann said what you just said it it was like oh people really do
talk like this when she literally says this night is going to go off without a hitch and believe me
ramona singer and her stinger is not going to affect me i was like is this like revenge is
this an episode of revenge this madeline stowe now i mean like i don't know people actually she
was like a private big story soundbite Yeah. Well, the weather was wonderful
and the boat was rocking
and then the guests came a-knocking.
A private dick story by Luann.
A dick private story.
She's like, well, I keep my dick private.
So then Ramona is feeling good
about her body and herself.
So she wants Sonia to take pictures of her.
And I just like,
Sonia's taking pictures of her and is just like, i'm just trying to make sure she doesn't look like
a teletubby teletubbies are like how dare you we are gay icons how dare you ma'am
ramona's so clueless she's taking pictures she's finally getting to wear this stupid black bathing suit and editors again
love you because they took this clip of her just completely twitching around trying to get
comfortable and put in the opening of the episode and i love that's what it was she's like how should
i do it like this and that's in the that's in the opening like here's ramona but she does it and
she's half of her is in a shadow so you can't even see her face she's so
clueless find your light you're supposed to find a brighter light brighter light uh so luann's still
going off blah blah oh well darinda oh no what were you gonna say well because then ramona is
saying like so who's coming to the party tonight what what guys are coming and when it's like well
there'll be a bunch of guys.
Like, oh, let's hear it.
She's like, well, this so-and-so is bringing his three gay friends.
Oh, Luanne, we need Strega.
Well, there'll be Stregas.
Who?
Who?
And she's like, you'll see.
You'll see when they come here.
She's like, Luanne can't be bothered to tell us who's coming to the party tonight.
That's not being a good host.
Like, that's ridiculous, Ramona.
She's not obligated.
A host is not obligated to tell you about everyone who's coming.
They will come, and you will meet them, and then you will do your terrible seduction techniques on them, and that'll be that.
This isn't all an e-vite.
Like, who gets sent a guest list with the thing?
If the WAMP was an e-vite, I wouldn't even open it, okay?
There would be no guest list.
Also, the WAMP story is pretty hilarious about telling the press
because dorinda's like well did you sell the press did you talk about ramona blue what happened
she says well i did i can tell the press whatever i want it wasn't even that i was on twitter
and we were golfing and it was sunset and so i said hashtag love of my life hashtag dag fag hashtag whatever dag hag whatever
and uh it's like wait did she tell the press didn't she this is housewives twitter is the press
yeah well i mean obviously luann told the press but i also like i don't it's not they're acting
like it's the craziest thing in the world it's so obnoxious that she told the press that she's engaged.
That's what people actually do.
That's why there are like announcements about these things.
It'd be one thing if she told the press, lead to the press, like some salacious gossip,
but like she's engaged.
I think it's like fine to tell your press, your press friends, your journalists, contacts,
whatever.
Yeah, I'm engaged.
Put it out there.
Why not?
Yeah.
And Ramona even said in her own version of the story which is always incorrect but she said even in
her own version that luann was at a fashion show when someone asked her about um ramona and sonia
as well it's not like she was saying oh i finally found this man tom unfortunately he'd fuck sonia
and ramona already but yeah you know and i. And I like that even the past week or two, Bethany's
been alluding to it all. So like, oh, I wonder
who planted that story. It's like, you know,
you're the one who posed nude to promote your
brand. Not that there's anything wrong
posing nude, but the point is you will also do
things to promote yourself
and the brand. So like,
you know, Luann doesn't have
skinny girl margaritas. She just
has herself.
So that's what she's got to promote.
Ramona Singer was seen at TJ Maxx with beautiful hair.
Where did it come from?
Yeah, we get it.
We know you wrote that, Ramona, okay?
So we think that Luan at this point is going to be okay because she's already pissed at Ramona.
She can handle Ramona.
Luan can handle a Ramona.
She's already pissed and she's already saying, well, next time I just won't invite you. And she's already pissed at ramona she can handle ramona luann can handle a ramona she's already pissed and she's already saying well next time i just won't invite you and she's
overly mad and no one knows why yet because dorinda obviously got to her but then we get to bethany
with her for her ass kiss her friend on the beach i i my note was bethany hanging out on what's the
matter beach what's the matter what's the matter beach i love this beach what's the matter what's
the matter i love this beach i feel like this like? What's the matter, beach? I love this beach. What's the matter? What's the matter? I love this beach.
I feel like I don't have parents.
Sometimes I come to this beach and I just need someone to say, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
There's no room for my beach chair.
What's the matter?
What's the matter, beach?
This beach is like the mother I never had.
What's the matter?
Ah, ma.
Like literally this beach is dragging me across itself.
Literally, this beach is dragging me across itself.
So she is gossiping about how basically Luann has already banged, or everybody's already banged Luann's man.
She's telling this girl all the gossip.
But then it gets to be trouble.
Well, we're intercutting here quite a bit. Because it cuts back to Sonya saying that every time Luann says this BL before Lu,
that Sonya feels dismissed.
Because she's like, I was before Lu.
You know, and I don't want, that dismisses me.
But I'm biting my tongue because I want to be AL after Lu.
It's like, I don't know why Ramona's so mad.
I'm the one who lost a lover of 10 years.
And a free dinner every once in a while.
It's not like dinners are just falling out of trees around here okay and give there's give there's if he gets the grocery store
magic eight ball everything i lost it all and i'm not saying anything
so uh luann basically says we're both whores who cares we're soulmates that was below lu
luann and ramona every time i try and do their laugh
they're the exact same laugh that luann's life is i can't do it
so then we cut to bethany uh talking about how tom's a whore and he would go to a barracuda bar
but luann she's the biggest barracuda like huge she's would go to a barracuda bar. But Luann, she's the biggest barracuda.
Like, huge.
She's enormous.
This barracuda, like, my kid's scared of her.
She looks under her bed.
She's like, is Luann a cuda under there?
She's going off about this stupid story.
And then she drops it.
Well, the other night, I got this series of texts.
They were so incriminating.
I can't imagine how it wouldn't blow up this whole engagement.
Like, I could end the entire wedding right now.
Like, should I text her right now? Like. I could end the entire wedding right now. Should I text her
right now? Should I go to this wedding right now?
To be fair, I also got a whole bunch
of texts that made no sense from Ramona's Apple Socks.
Just a bunch
of asterisks and semicolons.
But these texts all checked out.
They all checked out.
Okay. Bethany's just sitting
there doing her... She's going on Snopes.com
to figure out if these texts are true.
So we don't know what these texts are, but we know that they are incriminating something.
I don't know.
Maybe they have an open relationship.
I don't know.
I don't get it.
But she's going to go ruin.
She's going to find a way to ruin this event.
Yes.
No matter what it is, she she's gonna ruin luann's life
oh yeah because luann made her pay for lunch that time over in over in the hamptons and if bethany
doesn't do it gosh darn it ramona wants sonia to do it because ramona and sonia getting ready
and i was like so doesn't it bother you so much that the guan is marrying the man that you were
sleeping with for 10 years no i'm totally
i'm totally happy for them i'm i'm really happy for tom and and luann yeah but aren't you sort of
not happy at all isn't a little day class say of luann all i know is if i had a lover for 10 years
who also bought me dinner sometimes and then he was with the lady I'd let stay in
my house like upstairs
in the guest room in my house
I would be like what
let's face it that's disgusting
Carol
let's face it it's just a little awkward
isn't it just a little isn't
it a tiny bit awkward
and Sonia falls for it
yeah Sonia well especially
because Ramona then says like oh yeah
Luann knew about your
relationship with Tom and she still went ahead
with it
I'm not believing that and Sonia says
what do you mean she knew
of course she did Sonia you tell all the girls
everybody you fuck it wasn't a relationship
you were fucking the dude on and off for 10 years just like half the people in your neighborhood but they're they
keep getting it into her head ramona do you think that if luanne loved you she would be letting tom
stick it in her when she basically knows that you have no dinner okay sonia totally falls for it by
the end she's about to start sobbing it's like no i don't know
i don't understand i'm so hurt god ramona is the devil yeah absolute and a wonderful wonderful
devil i love her a twitchy wonky eyed bug eyed crazy ass apple sock wearing devil. Hey, does Satan in the Bible, does Satan have an assistant?
I'm not sure.
I don't think so.
I don't know either because Bethany's the devil.
Ramona's just kind of getting it set up for the devil to come in.
Bethany's going to come in and knock it all down.
Let me just put up these jengas, okay?
And then Bethany's going to come in with a baseball bat.
What am I going to pick a jenga no
uh and that ends real housewives of new york to be continued yes when basically it looks like
luanne has to go shut down ramona and scold her and And then Bethany is going, Bethany is gonna
come out with all these,
whatever these text messages are that are so
they're just gonna implicate Luanne
and Tom and whatever nefarious thing
that they're up to. Bethany's gonna tape some
Benghazi on her chokes long enough to ruin Luanne's
life and then, you know, complain about bleeding
again. Mm-hmm. Yep.
And now we would like
to welcome our guest and
our friend, Miss Kate Chastain from Below Deck.
Hello.
Welcome back, Kate.
Thanks. It's been a while.
I know. It's been, what, probably about like
nine months or so since you last graced us
with your acerbic wit.
Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Oh, church bells are going off. I don't know if you hear that.
It's a good sign. I'm a you hear that. It's a good sign.
I'm a gift from heaven.
It's a good sign for our day. So Kate is on the phone with us on Skype. So you'll hear a little background noise and she'll sound a little far away. But hey, that's the only way we can do it. We can't all fly to the same boat.
Yeah.
Unfortunately.
Boat.
Yeah.
Unfortunately.
Exactly.
For those of you who don't know, Kate Chastain has been a cast member of the past two seasons of Below Deck.
Below Deck Classic on Bravo.
And will be a cast member on the upcoming season, correct?
Which starts in September?
Yeah, September 6th is our air date.
And it's by far my favorite season.
Really?
It's so good.
It's so different than all the other seasons where it was just like charter guest drama,
crew member, chef, chief stew drama.
It's just got such a new angle.
Really?
How did they do that?
Did they change up the formula?
No, but for some reason, the crew they had on,
we all had very interesting new stories to bring to the show.
In what way?
I mean, you say in the past there's been crew drama
or there's been charter guest drama,
so what sort of drama is different this time around?
There's still all of that.
Whatever confidentiality you have to...
Yeah, there's still all of that,
but I don't think there's ever been a season that took such a fabulous turn.
Really? A fabulous turn?
If I could have made this season a musical, I think I would have.
Well, don't worry. We will.
Yeah, we'll do that for you.
It is. It's season four of Low Deck the Musical.
So are you telling us that there will be no Grenadines served on oysters this year?
I don't think there will ever be Grenadines served on oysters ever again.
Someone sent us a Facebook email or a Facebook mail, if you will.
And they had met Rocky working at some coffee shop, I't know in some exotic fabulous location or something
and they said hey rocky what's up girl uh what just started asking her about the season basically
and she's like yeah i can't steal a bitch like oh i know like keep it up at the keep it up at
the barista station lady yeah i respect her commitment to the cause, but it's just like, honey, let it go.
It's only hurting yourself.
Exactly.
Yes.
And by the way, it's not like, you know, I mean, I think that Rocky doesn't seem to realize that that's what we love most about you is that when you are at your bitchiest.
Well, and honestly, they didn't even show her craziness to the true level.
Really?
And I think considering the level of her
crazy i kept it pretty nice yeah i think so well so you've gone you've been in tmz
uh yeah lately it's been a big year i'm not sure how much we can talk about that
yeah i'm i'm excited or eager to talk about it. But at this moment, I can't.
But I should be able to in the near future.
Okay.
Well, then we'll talk about it later.
But one thing I will say is when it was all going down on the old Twitter is where I saw Rocky again making a bunch of these nasty tweets and stuff.
And being like, see, I told you.
And I just thought, girl, if Kate's goingate gonna strangle somebody it would have been you i mean i think if there's any if
there's any proof that this was not on kate it's that she didn't strangle you when she had the
chance yeah i i could have used that yeah but um she made her reemergence on twitter just to like
speak up about that and i think in hindsight it
only spoke of her character not mine yeah well and as we just mentioned before i mean it begins
and ends with the granite united oysters right i mean nothing could be worse say no more yeah
although she did bring us irony the captain shot which was amazing And it would have been great for Below Deck season four, the musical.
Yeah.
I bet she's...
That is actually your ultimate revenge,
by saying that season four should have been a musical,
and Rocky's like, but I could have been a part of it!
I know it.
That's such a good karmic point.
Yeah, just...
Ariel alone at the coffee shop,
and that tail flopping around on the floor.
Could have been me!
Yeah, she's still wearing her mermaid tail, making lattes. coffee shop and that tail flopping around on the floor.
She's still wearing her mermaid tail, making lattes.
Occasionally running out of the coffee shop to go dive into the local pond.
I gotta be in the water.
They find her in the bathroom, just like wetting herself in the sink.
Like, is my latte ready yet?
No, my life isn't ready yet.
So Kate, who is coming back this season on below dick well they just announced it on monday so i can officially say it's captain lee of course
yep i think that's number one rule it's gotta have captain lee yep um chef ben he's really
doing double duty with leaving the men and coming straight to the Caribbean again.
And then Kelly is back.
I saw that, Kelly.
We first loved Kelly
for certain extracurricular reasons
that happened on the internet, but
happy to see Kelly back.
Yeah, he had a baby or something, right?
No, I think there were plenty of
internet babies made.
But I'm pretty sure he is still
just a single guy and he this was his chance because him and captain lee didn't get along
so well his first season so i think he was coming back to really prove himself because in the
interim he's been getting his licenses he's moved up the ranks he was the first mate of a big boat
so i think he really wanted to prove himself and i think he did a great job although there are some except for that in the
preview captain lee's like come over here so i can rip your head off oh man and wow did he deserve it
on that one but it's not it was like just an mistake. I'm excited to pass judgment on it.
Oh, by the way, he didn't have a baby.
He had a dog.
He got a dog.
I think he's got a new girlfriend who's very cute.
And I swear, Kelly, he's only getting hotter.
Yeah.
I mean, he was already pretty hot to begin with.
He was. But the maturity is just making him less innocent baby face cry baby that he was now he's like
manly it's like way hotter and now and the other thing is that in his first season there was a
really hot thing where he would like defend his sister which was like very very attractive and
now amy's not in the picture anymore so what yeah i know i miss her so much. Oh, gosh.
But she's so cute.
My first day on the boat, Kelly was like, here, Amy sent you a letter.
And I had always complimented her earrings.
She had like new earrings for every day.
And I complimented her because I was like really jealous.
I was like, that's such a good idea.
She went and got me like four different sets of earrings.
What a cute girl. are you guys all in
like fort lauderdale that's like the i feel like that's like the yachty yachty capital of the world
right it is and um amy's based out of there she's got a super hot super young south african captain
boyfriend yeah you go girl she found her starfish it's amy found double starfish i mean it's amazing me found double starfish i mean it's amazing wow double starfish whoa and uh kelly's i
think based out of there ben's based out of there captain lee is there i actually live in melbourne
beach about two and a half hours north where connie is from and also bobby from the med season
he's also from our town i thought connie was going to be on below deck med because there was this
implication at the end of your last season that she was going to go off. They actually said she can go off to the Mediterranean.
So I was surprised that she wasn't on this latest season.
Right. I'm sure that was a surprise and it was kind of misleading. She actually continued on
the actual yacht that we had used, Eros, and went to the Mediterranean. But for the med season,
they hired a new boat and a new cast. So I have a few questions before we get into your thoughts on Blowdeck Med. Some of the things that
we probably talked about the last time you're on, but for people who are like new listeners now,
I just want like a, like a refresher on the whole process of shooting this show on the yacht. Like
is there like a portion of the yacht that's dedicated to the crew and the producers where
they're like working and editing, et cetera? Is there like an interview the yacht that's dedicated to the crew and the producers where they're working and editing, etc.?
Is there an interview room where you guys have to do your interviews on the yacht?
Right.
So there are three production crews for our one single day.
They've got a morning shift, a middle shift, and a late shift.
And when they're not on the boat, they are in a hotel on land and they get tendered in. But while they are on the boat, part of each master state room usually has like a foyer and they turn that into the control room.
And I really feel for them because it's not large.
It's a lot of people in one dark room and it gets pretty cramped.
Yeah.
I actually think it looks like a crazy thing to shoot because, I mean, your bedrooms, enough.
I mean, those are tiny as it is.
And the fact that sometimes they have like a wedge in a cameraman while these conversations are happening, I actually don't understand how this production happens.
I have to give it up to our production because at least on other reality shows, they like get days off.
They're just driving to a location.
With ours, they've got to take the tender in.
It could be raining. Actually, on
the med season, the boat
that sank was the boat that
shuttled production.
Oh, no.
I understand.
Oh, gosh.
That's a heck of a commute.
Yeah, and that's a heck of a production loss, too.
I'm sure Bravo wasn't
happy about that.
I don't think it was their fault. I think it was
the Greek captain's
fault with that boat. Is Nadine
back on this season with you guys?
Producing? For the Caribbean?
She was too busy
editing Med post,
but I think she's involved in everything.
She's like Wonder Woman. Does she ever sleep?
No. I don't think so. She doesn't.
She's the most energetic person I've ever met.
Energetic, cheerful, great advice, helpful.
But she's got just the right tiny little droplet of sassy.
Yes.
But without being anything less than kind.
That's going to be my perfume, droplet of sassy.
Oh, I like it.
Smell like Ben.
So do you have any insight?
Do you know anything about how the charter guests are chosen?
I always imagine there's a casting process or something like that.
Is this something that you know anything about,
or are you allowed to discuss that at all?
Is that a production secret?
I don't think it's a production secret.
I mean, the charter guests are real paying guests,
but because the trips are shorter than the average
Yacht charter which is seven days. These are like two nights
They do get a discounted rate and I think they also do kind of audition because the producers
The show's big enough now where there are people who want to do it, right?
So they make sure that we have interesting guests
And do you find you feel like sometimes the charter guests are playing it up for the camera or
is it one of those things where there's actually so many cameras on this shoot that people
just fall into their natural states?
You know, I think some guests try to play it up but I think the production crew is smart
enough or savvy enough to know when that's happening and they'll just be like okay time to go
film the crew because they don't want anything that's not authentic yeah because i have to say
as as like a viewer when this show first started you know three or three years ago whatever i
remember thinking like oh it's so staged you know these people come on they probably obviously like
cast these people they tell them to act up and fight or whatever. But as I watch the show, I actually don't really feel like it's that stage.
I feel like it's such a compressed environment and everyone – all the crew members that we're following are actually doing work.
And the cameras are so omnipresent that at a certain point, I feel like it feels like it's not that staged.
People can only keep an act for so long
and when you're living on a boat whether you're a charter guest or crew member you're gonna crack
and show your true self eventually so the executive producer's genius for coming up with
this as a reality show because it can't be scripted right so what are your thoughts on
blow deck med I think it was
very entertaining. I'm so
happy for them that it did so well because it only
adds to the whole Below Deck
vibe. But I like
also that it was different than the Caribbean. I think
it had a different vibe.
Well, I think the biggest difference is
with the captains, right?
You have Captain Lee who is like so
by the book and then Captain Mark was very hands-off
and seemed like sometimes he just sort of seemed out of it.
They kind of painted him as like a weird, kooky guy.
Did you have, what were your thoughts
on Captain Mark's leadership of the boat?
At first, I was like,
is this guy even aware that there's a charter going on?
Right.
But as the season progressed, is this guy even aware that there's a charter going on?
But as the season progressed, I think that his statements were fair,
and he was stern when he needed to be.
He wasn't as stern as Captain Lee, but there's different management styles,
and I don't think I would mind working for Captain Mark,
although I also love working for Captain Lee.
Were there any Captain fights? I noticed that Captain Lee
is on Twitter a lot.
He comments on the show and stuff. He'll be like,
those guys would have been strung up if I was on
that episode. Or the bootstrap
from when I used to walk both
ways to school or pill.
Some crazy saying. I wear Nikes
without socks. I would have taken them down.
Do they ever, do
people, do the cast of the different shows go after each other on Twitter?
Because I've noticed people will be like, I hate Hannah.
I want Kate back.
Or they'll start trying to pull you guys into stuff.
No, actually, I think, I know that Captain Lee and Captain Mark went out to lunch together.
And Captain Lee kind of like gave them a heads up what to expect.
And then Hannah contacted me after their first episode aired. lunch together and happily kind of like gave him a heads up what to expect and then hannah contacted
me after their first episode aired and she really that you know it was a harsh portrayal of her on
the first episode and uh so we have mutual yachty friends actually before she did the show she
messaged me and said should i do it and i didn't know her but we had mutual friends i was like
absolutely and um we've talked and skyped many times, and she's awesome.
I would love to work with her for her or her for me.
So I think that we're just like a below-deck family.
And obviously, if you're somebody like Danny, yeah, I'm not going to be like, he's great.
Right.
Yeah.
How long would he have lasted under Captain Lee, do you think?
Probably less longer than he did under Captain Mark.
Yeah, but to be fair, Danny was at least nice.
I mean, and he was just kind of a kid.
I mean, he just kind of, to me, he just came off as kind of a goofy.
Yeah, but he was only one year younger than Brian, which is what's crazy.
You know, he feels like a kid, like a 19-year-old who's in over his eyeballs.
But the truth is, you have Brian.
He's 27.
He was ridiculous.
Was he a kid or was he really good at playing that up?
I don't know.
He's a wannabe actor.
I mean, he wants to be famous.
You could see.
He got off with just being in front of a crowd, entertaining everyone.
He didn't want to be a yachtie.
No. Well, he definitely got more phone numbers than Brian. He got off with just being in front of a crowd, entertaining everyone. He didn't want to be a yachtie.
No.
Well, he definitely got more phone numbers than Brian.
That's true.
From the tilted kilt.
Yeah.
Oh, Brian.
Brian.
I mean, Brian, wow.
Brian, wow.
So should we just dive into the recap? Yeah, I was about to say, we should just dive into the recap because we're going to get into it.
Because we're probably going to have a big moment about Brian at some point.
Yeah.
So this opens with the fight from last week when they were coming back from their drunken night on the town.
In Santorini.
Yes.
And Bobby is still yelling at everybody because he couldn't bring Ale home.
What do you care?
He has that kind of like bro aggro situation going on.
Yes, these bros get drunk.
And then he did that thing that's so annoying
when they finally, like when Brian and Bobby
get off the little tinder or whatever
and then they're standing there on dry land as the other
boat goes off. Bobby's like, what the fuck just
happened? I'm like, well, actually you
got drunk and yelled at everyone. Don't act like some
cosmic event happened that prevented you from getting some pussy.
Yeah, like he was so wrong.
But I am a little bit biased because Bobby is a friend of mine.
I've known him for over a decade.
And he really is a sweet guy where I think he just had too much to drink.
And like the stress of the six weeks had gotten to him.
And I think he really, really liked Jules.
And he was trying to like bring someone home
to like prove to her like no big deal
it was like bad drunk decision making
yeah well I think that was
a dude in any way
that would have been great
that would have been great
I think actually the more offensive part of the whole thing
was Brian
who was like yeah bro
you can bring your girl back.
When he
there was all this hubbub over Danny
all season long, it was total favoritism
and totally unprofessional. And even more
offensive was when Brian was like,
they're jelly bro. Peanut butter and jelly.
I was like, oh. I was cringing
for him. I know.
I was like, throw yourself into the ocean
now and say goodbye.
And Bobby's big argument was,
Danny was getting into trouble and you guys always took up for him.
God, why not me?
Because you're supposed to be above it, douche.
And they never stood up for Danny.
I don't know what he's talking about.
That's true.
Yeah, I like Bobby, but he was definitely on the wrong side of this one yeah he had a bad moment but i think that the following morning his authentic you know
apologetic nature was more sincere than brian's like i think it was a pretty good night like
trying to brush it under the rug yeah it's like at least bobby was like oh my gosh to everyone i
am so sorry i made a mistake please like admitting it and bobby was like no it's fine it's like at least bobby was like oh my gosh to everyone i am so sorry i made
a mistake please like admitting it and bobby was like no it's fine it's all fine yeah brian's
brian's like yeah it was a good night i made a really awesome peanut butter and jelly joke so
i think it's a win tripod yeah protein brah
yeah they you have to get somebody drunk before you're in a relationship with them i mean you
have to know what they're like when they're shit faced i mean this brian guys yes you got a test
drive before you take it off the lot this guy's asking girls to sit on his thumb and just being
a total douchebag and talking down to women bobby just loses his temper really which i guess is you
know livable.
But yeah, you got to know.
I think that was fueled by his, like, intense feelings for Jules, not because he's an asshole.
Yeah, I believe that.
You know, I don't believe that he's an asshole.
I do believe it was fueled by his intense feelings, but the intense feelings came out in an asshole way.
That's for sure.
That's true.
That's true.
Also, if you're drunk at a karaoke bar, you're going to sing louder. And if you're drunk next to a frat boy you're gonna you know get frattier
yeah yes frattier and broadier that's true and i liked how when they when captain mark walked in
like the next morning when bobby was apologizing everyone's sitting around and talking about the
night before and the captain walks he's like so uh no issues last night right everyone's like yeah
everything was great not quite i wish it had been the captain who had said this line did you get titties bro
oh man just when you thought it couldn't get worse it's like your tongue did you get titties
i think even bobby at that moment was like too far man yeah i'm drunk and you're still going too far. Yeah. I know.
Let me see.
Dumbass hooked up with Ben.
Oh, yeah, that girl, Tiffany, hooked up with Ben,
who we thought was going to be the new Rocky this season,
and then kind of turned it around.
You mean when they had sex?
That was later, though.
Well, they almost had sex first.
Oh, yeah.
Then they actually had sex later.
Okay, okay, yeah.
I was confused with the with the
tiffany timeline there um we uh we have uh so we had bobby apologizing to hannah and hannah
hannah accepts it um i like i like how hannah will will make someone work for for that moment
you know a little bit now she was like am i gonna accept your apology even i was like are you yeah
i didn't know she looked she had like she She had that poetic sadness in her eyes that I appreciated.
Good dramatic pause.
Really well done.
Yeah.
Right now, you're not my honey cakes.
Tell you that much.
Right now, I'm not feeling like you're my chum chum.
I love her romance names.
Treasure.
Treasure.
I love her romance names.
Treasure.
Treasure.
So then we get the final charter of the season, which is a bunch of ginger beer salesmen, which I think is a very specific niche, right?
They have to be from Northern California, right?
They were from Venice, I think.
Or at least the creator of it was from Venice, California. But yeah, they were very, very California.
Like, you know, old school California and like hippie type.
I'm wondering if they may have a medicinal farm somewhere.
I mean, the tie-dye, the ponytails.
Medicinal ginger beer.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Yes.
That's legal.
I don't think we need much alcohol for them because they're just the employees.
They don't want to get drunk in front of the boss.
Hello, have you watched your own show?
I guess the show hasn't come out yet.
And you didn't get drunk right in front of your boss, but still.
Yeah.
I didn't?
No, no, Hannah.
All right, no.
That's because Captain Mark was always drinking coffee in the wheelhouse.
That's true.
All right, no.
That's because Captain Mark was always drinking coffee in the wheelhouse.
That's true.
If you stood in front of the coffee machine and chugged a bottle of wine, he would have seen you.
Yeah.
I don't think he saw anything between the wheelhouse and the coffee machine. He would just, like, walk down, get some coffee, everything good here?
And they're, like, putting out a fire.
Yeah, everything's fine, Captain.
Great.
I'll see you later.
The fire is out.
By the way, I think someone might have been drunk in front of that box of Pop-Tarts.
Anybody else notice that?
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Okay.
Okay.
Coffee's good today.
I'll be upstairs.
Coffee's good.
Why is everyone talking about peanut butter and jelly today?
Is there going to be a picnic of some sort?
No, no.
Everything's fine.
Okay.
I'll be upstairs.
I'll be upstairs watching Rambo.
If anybody needs me, just feel free to come up there and give me a little knocker please
what i liked about these uh ginger beer ginger beer salesmen is that for the first five minutes
i couldn't tell if they were like a bunch of old gay guys or not like i was i know it was so
ambiguous it was like ambiguously gay duo
but times eight, four.
So there's eight of them.
I was like,
who's bunking with who?
Who's the primary?
Is this a joke?
Is this not a joke?
Yeah, it was all
very, very confusing.
I was like,
I thought it was like
maybe a whole bunch
of old theater queens
and then,
but then they wanted
separate beds.
So I was like,
well, that's kind of bro.
And I thought their outfits
would be better
if they were actually gay. But then they were just old enough that they could be out of touch tacky
old gay guys which is a thing too so it was like i had i spent a lot of energy trying to figure it
out yeah gay guys have this reputation for being dressy and stuff but these guys are from venice
and also i've been to palm springs so i don don't know if that reputation is really still standing up these days.
Or maybe that's just how it was with that generation
because it wasn't as accepted.
So they just kind of like fell into their
like kind of look macho,
but also wear your rainbow tie-dye shirt
and have a ponytail.
Exactly.
It was definitely like a very hard read.
And I never think that became resolved.
Like I still don't know.
I agree.
I mean, there's so many questions.
I mean, that's the thing with ginger beer salesmen. You, I still don't know. I agree. I mean, there's so many questions.
I mean, that's the thing with ginger beer salesmen.
You can never really get to the truth with them.
Does anybody ever really know a ginger beer salesman?
Can you ever really know?
Especially that Bob, because he was hilarious, and he was also so nice and cute. But he kept making all those gay jokes.
And the captain was saying, well, we're going to go bobbing tomorrow.
You ever, what did he say?
You ever go see Bob?
Oh, no.
Did he say you ever see Bob?
Yes.
Yeah.
And then there was a sexual joke.
And I think everyone was uncomfortable except for Captain Mark and Bob.
Yeah.
He's like, well, I've done Bob, but not in the ocean.
The captain came to life this episode.
Yeah, he really did.
He showed a different side of his personality when he warned everyone that it was going to be windy for the picnic.
He's like, I don't want you guys to have food blowing all over your faces or anything like that.
Crazy like that.
He's got glimmers of this cheerful, little, entertaining human, but he doesn't let it out.
He's got this captain hard veneer
yeah he's cute by the way i thought there was a lot of really strong sexual energy um when bobby
met bob and they both realized they had the same t-shirt that was a really strong moment for me
and they're both really tall yeah it was very much like ice man and maverick and top gun
you know you can ride his tail anytime tail anytime. Of course you have that shirt.
Of course you do.
What do I have to do
to inherit that shirt from you?
What did the shirt say again? It was like,
of course I'm right. I'm Bob or something like that.
I don't know. It's like, I'm with Bob.
And I thought Bob
was the primary the entire episode
until at the end
Little Ponytail gave the tip.
Well, to be fair, I think they were all named Bob.
That makes it confusing.
What about Bob?
Baby steps.
Bobbing Bob.
So they had a big thing
which is that the guests
wanted to do a beach picnic, which to me
always seems like the worst thing in the world
for you guys, not for the guests. it certainly is yeah it looks just terrible so um but it's really windy
as we mentioned and there's some issue because brian brian's like driving everyone out to the
sailing everyone out to the to the beach and it's like well let's not unpack everything because it
may be too windy and sure enough enough, it was too windy.
So then the whole thing got canceled.
And I just love when Hannah gets angry at someone and they're just looking at Brian, you know, steering the little boat in circles like this.
It's just Brian driving in circles, trying to look at where he left his dignity.
Best line of the season.
And if she hadn't been sitting on a beach, I would have thought somebody wrote it for her because it was so brilliant I was like good girl
yeah exactly and he never did
find that dignity I'd like to add
I think he's trapped in Davy Jones' locker
it's at the bottom of that jacuzzi
from episode 04
it's never coming back
his dignity is somewhere ordering cheese sticks
at the Tilted Kilt
his dignity will come back when his highlights leave, possibly.
It's like a baby step.
Oh, man.
What gets me is the backwards baseball cap wearing sunglasses.
Oh, I hate that.
Oh, every scene.
Yes.
Or the sunglasses on the back of your head, like a Guy Fieri.
I feel like he's the kind of guy to wear sunglasses on the back of his head.
I think so, too.
I feel like he's the sort of guy that goes to Target and buys a cookbook there that's like the bro's guide to grilling, you know?
Yeah.
Peanut butter sandwich in a toaster.
Peanut butter jelly, bro.
Peanut butter jelly in a Foreman grill.
Ben wants to make a whole fish darling
i'm thinking of a whole fish on the beach and then they go up to the beach and hannah's like
guys i don't know if we should do this on the beach it's kind of windy we should just gauge it
and see like no no let's unload and then when she calls the captain and says captain you might want
to look at this there's some wind on the beach You might want to gauge what the guests are feeling.
I just like that she kept saying gauge.
Yeah.
Make it very official.
Well, she was just barely hiding her utter disdain for the entire situation.
Well, I don't blame her.
Yeah.
Getting the stuff out of the boat while it's, like, not even beached and there's waves, you're getting sand.
It's just hideous
and she mentioned let's not do
it but you know Brian went
full on the leader I'm the first mate
I'm the boss I am like his daily
affirmations he did in the morning every
day in the mirror I'm sure like I
am the leader there was no
like overriding that and she's like what
wolf of wall street chants
yeah
so they got to go back to shore and then of course Hannah's like There's no overriding that. Doing the Wolf of Wall Street chant. Yeah.
So they got to go back to shore.
And then, of course, Hannah's like, I told you we should have gauged it.
I don't know why that cracked me up.
That was my favorite thing in the whole thing.
I was like, you tell them, girl.
You told them to gauge it. Did you like that more than Bob doing Donald Duck voices in the lounge?
I did because I've been a chief
stew in her position, but the Donald Duck
was a pretty close second.
If Hannah had done it in a Donald Duck
voice, it would have been game over.
Yeah. It would have been like a really angry
Donald Duck with an Australian accent.
I don't know if I can even try
that Australian Donald Duck.
No.
I can't. You guys do it i can't even do a normal donald
duck i just sound like a possessed demon lights out hashtag lights out
oh yeah i was trying to say you should have gauged it but i can't say that in donald duck voice
apparently that's what i heard so they just actually sped right through this charter it was like a five minute long segment the entire thing
because it's basically a whole bunch of nice old guys yeah there's no drama yeah thank you those
guys were even happy with the diornos they were served at lunch they really were everything they
liked everything I will sleep on the sun deck with a robe as my blanket. Like, yay, you're an angel. Yeah, seriously. I have a question about Ben's
cooking, by the way. Everyone absolutely loves his cooking. Is it really that good?
He is pretty good. And I'm going to regret saying this. He is very, very talented because he's
good at chemistry and he's also a painter and he's brilliant. So the plating is beautiful and his combinations of flavors are artistic,
but well thought out.
He's a great chef.
It's the pressure and timing that is his area of improvement.
Right.
I think that's what they said when he was playing soccer with Prince Harry.
Yeah. He would eventually get to the goal goal but by then the game was over the pressure was too high for him prince harry's like i don't think he'd speak to me respectfully ben well i was just
saying get the goal you're fucking idiot that's it going on a boat i'm sick of this i'm not don't
call it defender and offense it It's half. It's full
back and forward back.
We don't use the word goalie
in this country, mate.
As posh as Ben's accent is
and how kind of
pretentious but not pretentious
he is, I have to give him
credit. He's been on what?
He's been on the most blowdeck seasons ever
and he waited till now to drop the bomb that his wrote lone survivor i know i'm surprised it hasn't come
out already from the internet yeah no he's he's really worked hard since he was 18 to make his
own life and i think it's something he didn't want taken away from him because of his heritage
yeah so yay ben and he cried and he cried although now that we know this, I would like to give you some friendly advice.
Live off your dad.
Who cares?
Take that money.
Buy your own yacht.
Yeah, seriously.
What did Prince Harry do?
That's your friend.
Ask him.
Yeah.
So anyway, so the charter wraps up.
Julia will not forgive Bobby.
You know, Bobby tries to ask for, you know, he asked for an apology.
And Julia sort of doesn't really forgive him. She can't ask for... He asks for an apology and Julia
sort of doesn't really forgive him.
She can't. She's really upset. She's very sensitive.
I don't know if she's so upset or really.
If she's like, okay, at least this will be
a barrier between him
and his crush, you know?
Right. That's true, but she did cry a lot.
Do we think that...
I think she was just tired.
She seemed like she was just losing her wits.
Because she was pretty much quiet and happy and cheery the whole season.
And then all of a sudden she just started to unravel.
Do we think that she liked him at all?
Or he was just reading into everything?
I think she may have liked him more than others.
But I don't think she was ever intending on anything romantic.
I think she...
You know?
It seemed to me
that she liked him but she was you know she's got a real sense of duty and she's got a boyfriend and
so she's you know very good to him and bobby even said that at the end he's like i've been dumped by
so many people and you're actually going to stick with your boyfriend which makes me love you even
more yeah she seemed to really like him and then we hear her on the phone with her boyfriend
and he doesn't sound like, you know,
like a roller coaster.
He doesn't sound like he's very much fun.
He's just kind of a dick.
But it is also an interesting thing where
she just wants to be friends with him and
her just trying to be playful
like a friend, you know,
it comes off as flirting to him.
I think she did like flirting with him because, you know,
it gets boring on a boat. You're doing laundry
for 12 hours a day.
It's fun to flirt, but it's like, oh,
you thought this was serious? Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Yeah.
Well, she was very good with the shooting down.
Every time. Every time she had to.
She was very clear.
Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye.
Buh-bye.
So, anyway so everyone gets their tips, which was really high because they don't have Danny,
et cetera.
They're going to go on a beach party.
If your food was music, you'd be Jimi Hendrix.
Oh, I loved that so much.
That was cute.
I told you, I say, I'm Jimi Hendrix, darling.
And I was like, oh, God, here we go.
Ben's going to run with this one.
So then after this charter, everyone's cleaning up.
The women decide that they want to have an intervention with Brian,
which we know is just going to be a total, total disaster.
And they call him in, and they sit him down,
and they're like, you know,
we want to tell you how you can improve talking to women.
And he's like, I kind of kill it with women.
So what's going on here?
Chicks always love me.
Yeah.
He's like, I'm basically a perfect peanut butter sandwich.
So just get that jelly all over me.
Come on, I'm ready for it.
Are you guys hitting on me?
Like, maybe I should have an intervention with you on how you can work with me, because you're so lucky to be in that position.
She wants me.
Yep.
They're jealous.
They're just jelly.
I mean, if he was even smart, like I'm not saying he's not misogynistic, but I'm saying at least be misogynistic, but hide it.
Yes. Like at least say you're right, ladies.
I'm so sorry you felt that way.
Yeah. He wasn't even able to fake it.
Yeah. Well, Hannah laid it out pretty easily and they all looked kind of scared.
You know,
Hannah gets those eyes where you don't know if she's going to kill you or
if she's afraid or if she's really happy.
Like you can't tell.
She's like the girl from revenge.
I can't tell.
But,
um,
she says,
uh,
I fought with Ben,
but he never made me feel like you did.
And he goes,
well,
I think that could have been handled differently on a couple different
sides. I know. I on a couple different sides.
I think he said a few different sides.
And I was like, a few?
That's more than a couple. How many sides were there?
Was it him, Julia?
I was like, I'm doing math now.
You're standing
in people's face so they can't work
and going, sweep that right now. No, right now.
Do it right now.
It's not even his department. It's not his responsibility.
And he's bossing around.
Essentially, isn't he at the same level as First Dew?
Isn't that the same in the hierarchy?
No.
She's got more stripes.
Well, First Mate technically has more authority.
However, he only got that promotion.
He came on as Bosun.
In the first episode, they were like,
oh, by the way, you're the first officer.
And I think that he was so tickled to death being the first officer that he really embraced it.
Yeah.
I mean, what would you do, Kate, if the first officer or the first mate came in and did what he did to the women in that scene?
I probably would have handled it very similarly to Hannah,
but maybe a little less raised voice
and a little more snarky.
Yeah, that's kind of the thing.
I would have verbally put him in his place,
but a low tone.
I will say, I love the way Hannah handled it. I love the way she stood up
for her crew, and
she got right in his face. I thought that was so
awesome. But the entire time, I kept
on thinking, like, oh, but I wish
she could have destroyed him the way Kate would have.
Yeah, actually,
I met him before their season aired
at a bar in Fort Lauderdale, and he came
up to me, and he's like, I'm going to be your first mate
on the med season. I was like, awesome.
And I talked to him for 20 minutes.
But then he came back and wanted to talk
for another 20 minutes. And I was like,
oh, boy.
Yeah, okay. Got after another beer.
Walk away.
Walk away.
He, you know, he really showed his
colors when he got wasted and he wasn't
too much of a prince when he was sober either.
But he wasn't that bad.
I mean, he wasn't totally villainous to me until he got drunk in that hot tub.
And then I thought, well, he'll learn from it next time because he'll be so embarrassed.
But then didn't.
Yeah, exactly.
Bobby was authentically apologetic.
Absolutely.
But Brian never was.
Yeah, and when Julia says to him
during this intervention,
you know,
treat women as equals,
he just,
he opens his eyes wide.
He's like,
okay, well,
this has been informative.
Like, she's totally crazy.
Like, hey,
let's all do crack cocaine together.
Yeah.
Whoa, okay.
He's like,
I will treat you as an equal
to all the other women I ignore.
Bye, bitch. And Jen can't stay on topic. Yeah. She's like, whoa okay like i will treat you as an equal to all the other women i ignore bye bitch and jen
can't stay on topic yeah she's like okay well here's what i think you're nicer to bobby okay
you're nicer to bobby than to me it's like whoa whoa let's keep this in uh the misogyny realm okay
i know i you know you know the thing is with jen i keep going back and forth because on the one hand
there's times i'm like oh she is not a good worker.
But on the other hand, I'm like, yeah, but you know what though?
I'm totally on her side because she's got an asshole for a boss and maybe she is a good worker and just he doesn't appreciate her.
I didn't – I couldn't tell.
Yeah, I was all over with Jen.
Yeah.
She was a little hard to –
At first, it was like you've never been to a foreign, but you've been in the industry seven years, really?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a little fishy.
I'm like, you miss your dog and you miss Starbucks.
So if you've been a yachtie for seven years, where have you been doing it?
Just off Long Island?
That's not really yachting.
It's like a dinner cruise around the city.
Yeah.
So I didn't really trust her that much at first,
but I think in this final episode,
she really was great.
I was impressed with how strong she was,
how she held her convictions,
how,
and I don't want to skip to the end,
but she was like,
you don't want to hug me yet.
I was like,
Oh,
here it comes.
I know.
I loved it.
It reminded me like a,
like a classic end of a real world season
you know like an irene and steven moment yes yes oh god that was so great and crazy um uh so anyway
after this intervention brian's like i've never had this feedback ever before in my career um
he has yeah which means you have probably 10 times you haven't listened to it and just because you
haven't had it before doesn't mean anything.
You got it now on national TV.
So you better, you know, you better change
some things about you. And instead what he does is
he goes up to
I think he goes up to Bobby, right? He's like,
those chicks pretty much all just ganged up on me.
Shut up. Was it hot,
bro? Was it hot?
Did you get some time?
Tell me they gave you tits.
No, bro.
No, bro.
Jelly.
Jelly all day.
Well, when he said he hadn't ever gotten that kind of feedback in his entire career,
maybe he just meant his first mate career or his first do career because that just started.
Or his reality TV career.
Yeah.
So let's see crude dinner on
beach everybody gets wasted with the cappy yeah jager bombs with captain yeah oh when he's like
hugging and there is little tushies by the fire he's like let's not burn our butts
like only his and his khakis are hanging over the flame it's just so cute it's like oh i'll burn my
butt any day for you kids we almost got to see what it
was like when a tiva catches on fire i like when they gave him a they taught him how to do a jaeger
bomb and you just see it hit his brain for a minute and he's like okay i think it's probably
time for me to go. Right.
I'm going to go back to the boat and catch up on my latest issue of Coffee in the Wheelhouse magazine.
Don't want to be bumping uglies at the campfire.
Yeah.
We'll leave that for Ben and Hannah.
So Ben goes up.
Ben and Hannah go up to the bar,
which is just a few feet away.
Well, Ben goes off.
Ben goes off.
And Hannah follows.
Right.
And Hannah is away from him. When he looked away from me, that was a code for me to follow him wherever he goes.
Poor Hannah.
So I really, really really really like hannah and i think i think actually that her
her like obvious crush on ben is very endearing because it shows a vulnerability you know but
it's also very sad because she she likes to put up this facade like oh you know i just like to
flirt with ben you know i just like i like just having you know having him as a friend it's so
great having him as a friend i'm like, you are in love with this man,
and you've been in love with him since day one.
And your whole fight that you had in the middle of the season
that you guys aren't just going to be like coworkers,
not even friends, but now, of course, you guys are friends again.
It's obvious you are in love with this man.
And, of course, as best exemplified by the fact
that she was throwing herself in his face.
And he's like, oh, thank you.
Well, in Hannahannah's defense ben is
besides being a great chef he's also very charming and he knows when to turn it on to his advantage
so let's not forget that ben was the person who got kate to put on the pretty scarf for their
meeting together i will never forget that i know but when you guys had that like rope there okay
guys you have to have your romantic and your romantic end scene of the thing, and you wore your pretty scarf.
I was like, oh, no.
She whipped out the scarf, girl.
Now, Ben has gotten me to do things I do regret, but wearing that scarf was not one of them.
No, it was a good scarf.
It's just that that's your dress-up scarf, you know?
Yeah, my fancy scarf.
Yeah, it's your fanciness.
So when you whipped out the scarf, I was scarf. Yeah, it's your fanciness.
So when you went without the scarf, I was like, oh, no, she's getting fancy.
It's like a fine dining date with Ben.
It's like, don't do it.
Don't do it, Kate.
Bringing out the good scarf.
Bringing out the scarf.
That's how you know.
So, yes.
Oh, triple soda.
Triple soda.
We all say so. Kate, you have the floor, Kate.
You have the floor.
Yeah, I totally understand how Hannah would have fallen victim to Ben's charms.
And also as the chief stew and chef, we spend a lot of time interacting.
And I do think it was endearing how she just put it all out there.
Yeah. But she didn't put it all out there. Yeah.
Yeah.
But she didn't – she was putting it out.
Well, I think what I found endearing was that she had this big crush.
And what I think was sad was that I don't think that she was honest with herself that she had the crush.
She kept on saying that they're great friends, et cetera.
And she was – I mean she was just right up.
At one point, he's not doing anything.
So she's like, okay, I guess I'll take the reins.
So she gives him like a little peck.
And he goes, thank you.
Oh, God.
That thank you.
The thank you heard around the world.
Well, she didn't kiss him.
She's like, I adore you, back rub.
You know I love you.
Like, seriously, I care about you.
You got a piece of my heart, babe.
And then she kept saying saying you're my pleasure treasure
and so whenever he would say it back he's like yeah you too babe you're a pleasure treasure babe
she's like oh my god he said it's the magic words i know i was like this just felt so awkward
watching it on tv i almost felt bad for h Hannah having to watch that over. You know, that's got to be mortifying.
Yeah, because it's their last night of charter.
They've been drinking alcohol. It's like
she was just putting
it all out there last night, going for it.
And I'm sure sober, she probably
wouldn't have been as
forward. No.
Well, speaking of putting it all out there, eventually
everyone moved over to the bar except for Bobby and Julia.
Bobby? Bobby? Bobby and Julia. Bobby?
Bobby?
Bobby, stop.
And Bobby professes love for Julia.
And I have to admit, I thought it was so sweet and so lovely, even though I knew, like, even though I was not in the camp that she should leave her boyfriend for Bobby.
When he said, every day I wake up, I can't wait until you wake up.
I was like, that's like an amazing line.
Wow.
It's like, I know the core of like right now.
Yeah.
Like, you know, I'm just a boy standing in front of the girl asking her to love me.
It's like that British movie all over again.
Yeah.
Julia Roberts.
Wow.
That was Julia Roberts moment.
It was a great moment.
Yeah.
That's what I love about Bobby.
He's not coming from a place of ego.
Yeah.
Unless he's super hammered trying to bring a random home.
Exactly.
Brian, who is now getting wasted at the campfire
to the point that when they all walk back to the boat,
the subtitle literally says,
Yar these freaky motha fucka haul fucka late night.
Who said that?
Brian That was literally the subtitle
I actually wrote it down exactly as written on TV
Who wants to bet $50
He has a fraternity symbol tattoo somewhere
Oh yeah
He is the one that gives fraternities
Bad names
I mean rightfully so for some cases. I mean, I'm a fraternity
guy, but he's the one that makes us
really bad. He's an archetype.
Yeah, absolutely.
Guys, he's not a frat
boy, okay? Okay, so this next part
he takes off his shirt with Bobby and they're
like, let's look at the
who has the bigger muscles?
Who's more ripped?
I'm like, first of all, this is not even a contest.
It's obviously Bob.
Bob is a fireman.
I know.
I was like, oh, Brian, really?
You should have done that with Danny.
You would have won.
You would have won.
You would have won.
Down with the captain.
Anybody.
Bobby was the last person.
Jen.
You should.
I just said Jen.
It was, I was was like this is more
This is so awful and then he actually felt like he won
I know
Like a cock of the walk
Situation
The level of delusion was actually kind of
Beautiful
A six pack or a muffin top
At the end of the day let's be honest
And Bobby kind of laughs it off
he's like oh this is funny yeah he's like whatever okay so everybody's wasted ben is on the couch
with this phone and hannah is still feeling grandy and not taking the hint bless her heart so she
comes over and blows in his face she's like on his face come on right there my little treasure place a
place place all right then your little cookie stocking all right there and you know it was
funny before this scene happened at the campfire hannah was saying how much she loved her crew and
i was like wow this has really come far because in the beginning of the season hannah hated tiffany
tiffany was the girl who was wasted and useless and couldn't do anything right.
And she was getting such a bad edit.
I was like, wow, they've really come far.
And then when this happened, what was so funny, I guess I'm jumping out a little bit, is that when Hannah, you know, so Hannah catches them having sex.
And there's that weird, almost creepy footage of them having sex in the wherever area they're in it's like dark you just
see her in the distance like in the back it was the salon the salon the funny thing is the next
morning is that like hannah hates tiffany again i'm like oh there it is it's back yeah she's the
worst yeah well for good reason i mean that was that wasn't really girl could i'll guess although
i guess it's tricky because you're on a small boat.
You don't get to just, you know, claim your stake.
Yeah, I don't think Hannah let on to Tiffany how much she liked Ben.
I think she only did to Ben.
Yeah.
And I think Julia was around enough to, like, notice it and to enter interviews.
Like, she's guarded, but that was an obvious indicator.
But I don't think Tiffany was like oh
this is going to make Hannah mad.
I think Tiffany was just being like quirky
on her own planet. Tiffany was like oh
yeah. Yeah that was
really great like okay so I want to
marry him. Bye! Although she
did call him her future husband.
Yeah. Yeah see I'm telling you
it's that ben charm like
all the women love him every single year i know it um well i felt really bad for hannah because
she's leaving ben alone because he told her leave me alone he's too drunk and tired so she goes into
the kitchen and sits on the countertop with a jar of mayonnaise mayonnaise and you know
i love her i think she's rad
I would love to work with her be friends with her
we are friends but when I saw the mayonnaise
all I could think was this is karma
for making kind of Americans
yes
America
will be on your thighs now
listen
she was just trying to bring out the best okay
she brought out the best.
It's like, all hell, Minzbin.
I am the
best, Bin. I brought out the best.
It's me. She gets drunk.
She's trying, you know, she leaves the guy
alone when he tells her to go alone.
Then she has a fun snack in the kitchen
and then how is she rewarded? It's like
instant, you know, she walks
into that awkward shadow
and he is, oh, yeah.
It wasn't just that she walked into it.
It was that Bobby, I think it was Bobby came in
or Brian.
Brian.
Yeah, so Ben was looking for some condoms
and she's like, get out.
Have you seen Ben?
He was looking for condoms.
Like, why would you say that?
You shitster.
Yeah, he did that on purpose
I mean Hannah you could hear the anger in her
voice and she's just I forget what she
said but she essentially was like get out of my
face and started to pig asshole
motherfucker man I hate men
and I was like how would I know or something
like that like I don't care but I
care
I'm eating mayo get out you know what i love about
hannah as well you know that that's her true character she's not hiding the helmet spanish
she's not hiding her crush for ben like this is authentic human and she's super likable she's not
putting on any airs like this is real yeah she she's a mayo girl that's her i loved her when she threw the broken plate off the
ship yeah okay everybody on social media had such a shit fit about polluting the ocean but honestly
when it's glass or ceramic it's made from sand okay it breaks down a good point it's it creates
coral reefs like i swear we're allowed to throw ceramic porcelain glass.
I don't even think there were that many tweets against BP.
I know.
Yeah, I'm about to say, I think the yacht is probably polluting the waters way more than that one plate.
And people love collecting sea glass.
Really, she was encouraging a hobby.
Yeah, exactly.
For future generations, yeah.
She made some child on a beach somewhere very, very happy.
So sewer.
She did it for the children.
Yes.
For the waitresses of Tilted Kilt.
Wow.
Eh.
So.
The next morning, Hannah.
That was basically that whole episode in one second.
Meh.
Basically that whole episode in one second.
Hannah is so like upset and jealous slash all these emotions that she just keeps neurotically changing her top over and over and over again.
And then first Ben comes in brushing his teeth, slobbering.
And he knows that French between him and Hannah is a special bond.
So knowing what he did the night before, he's like, oh, better go cover my ass.
Yeah.
Better go cover lay ass.
Mm-hmm.
And... She's like, save a play, my dog.
Yeah.
She's like, wee-wee.
Yeah.
Save a five-minute show, so I'll brush my teeth off.
Yeah, I mean, all right.
And she's still looking at him with, like,
I still love you eyes.
Mm-hmm. I know. If somebody had woken me up from a sleep after a big night with toothbrush drool, I've been like, go home, you're gross.
Right.
Get out.
Well, to be fair, Hannah did say, I don't remember if she said this to Ben or about Ben.
I knew you could sleep low, just not that low.
Oh, she said it about him.
Yeah. In an interview.
She said, Tiffany's a good
time girl. No offense to Tiffany.
Low maintenance.
Yeah, she's low maintenance.
And maybe in a few years, Ben
will be ready for a proper woman.
Right.
I liked also Julia's
defense of Hannah. She's like, she's got a bit of a tortoise shell, but once you crack it, you're in there for life. I'm like Julia's defense of Hannah. She's like,
she's got a bit of a tortoise shell, but once
you crack it, you're in there for life. I'm like, no,
once you crack a tortoise shell, the tortoise is dead.
I know. It was such horrible imagery.
I was like, oh, poor sea turtle.
You can tell
they're endangered.
You can tell that's one of the ones not from
Florida. She's like, I'm sorry
that I haven't been educated like the people in the South.
I don't know how to make a good metaphor.
On the Western Hemisphere.
She's like a sea turtle.
She comes out to the water, lays her eggs, and then you stomp on them.
It's like, whoa, whoa, Julia.
You know what they say in that sea turtle?
They love mayonnaise.
Okay, so what else happens here?
Everyone's saying their goodbye-byes.
And this is when we have the Jen moment to Brian.
Oh, yeah.
This was the best.
This was the best goodbyes.
The other ones were just basically like, okay, bye now.
Okay, bye.
See you in Lauderdale.
Yay.
Okay, happy, happy.
And then here comes Storm Jen.
Yes.
We forgot about her.
Let's be honest. We did. forgot about her let's be honest we did
we did let's be honest yeah we forgot and to be honest she's a little forgettable but um she was
until this episode and she just came in strong that's true and to be fair i will always remember
what a gen not is
members brian's yeah people don't make me explain my joke
I can tell you what it's not
a Jen not
a real not
I've ruined the podcast let's just move on
no it's funny I love it
Jen not moment okay
apparently the Jen nots are cursed
they're cursed on the show they're cursed on this podcast
so Jen
only laughs with the one
don't you know that about kate yet this is how kate laughs wait this is my best
impersonation of kate's laugh i'm smiling really big right now you can't see it or sometimes if
it's right is she'll give a huh yeah and that means i'm hysterical that's's K-R-O-F-L.
Guys, I'm going to retrieve my dignity by putting on my fancy scarf, okay?
And then I'll just be quiet the rest of the podcast.
Oh, I'll send you mine.
Oh, gorgeous.
So Jen is like, as we mentioned before, she's like, hey, don't hug me just yet.
And then she says this really kind of an interesting thing.
She's like, I've given you multiple chances to take my name out of your mouth and you continue to bash me.
How long do you think she practiced that speech?
Like she's been writing that dear diary.
Here is the speech I will give to him.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Now prepare to die.
Like that was the moment she had been rehearsing.
She had been saying it to the squeegee.
She had been saying it to the chamois.
She had been saying it to the tender by herself. moment she had been rehearsing. She'd been saying it to the squeegee. She'd been saying it to the chamois. She'd been saying it to the tender by herself.
Like, she'd been practicing.
Well, in that case, I'm even more impressed
because Jen doesn't come off as a good person
with anything ever.
You know?
Like, she doesn't seem like the type
to prepare anything ever.
That's kind of the problem.
She's like, uh, didn't practice a lot.
Sorry.
I think she's been practicing for about six weeks because that's about when she stopped making awkward jokes about how she's a lesbian
and so i think that once those jokes stopped her focus was then on to okay what's my what's my big
like exit speech gonna be yeah it was pretty fun though of course she starts with this weird shit
he's like what are you talking about you said it was me to danny what why are you starting with that you have other things yeah i know and then like and then she she says uh they're
starting to fight and he's like well at least my breath doesn't reek of alcohol and i don't need
alcohol to escape reality oh it's such a good pun i was like are we talking about reality tv
what are we talking about the reality you can never escape
and also thanks for getting mad at me too jen i was like why is she telling me off jesus christ
i don't even know the girl but then in the middle of the fight the strangest part my favorite part
was when just like they're fighting about whether or not she's good whether or not he's bad and
she's like maybe if you paid more attention to tiffany than me you know that she had sex with
ben last night and brand goes well this is weird
what a weird thing to say
he's like one of those dolls
you get that has a button
of like five things to say in awkward
conversations like
thank you for this information well this is
weird
it's peanut butter jelly time
yeah and so I feel like
that was like go-to automatic response well
this is a weird thing to say like no actually uh comprehending or caring or thinking about it
i love this fight because her her things to say to him were kind of stupid and then his things to
say back to her were equally stupid he's like Jen, you can't even tie one single knot, okay?
I know.
If he really was not threatened by her in any way, he'd have been like, I'm so sorry.
And you've done pretty well.
Yeah.
I can't tell when you said not threatened.
I actually thought you meant like you were creating a term for like she was threatened by her knots you're all about the not threatened yeah i was like everyone's getting
involved now you know what the gen knot may be the most amazing knot ever and he is not threatened
but he's threatened he's like where did that not come from not how does someone with boobs know
better not than me just gonna pretend it's not real.
I actually would like to know about the
Jen knot, and, you know, there was a lot
of talk about that there are certain knots
you have to do. Brian was like, you can't do the Jen knot.
But I would like to know from a knot
professional, or a
deckhand, like, was
Jen doing something wrong? Were her knots
unacceptable, or was Brian on a power trip?
I mean, unless the boat floated away because the rope became unraveled, a knot's going to work.
Because guess what?
I've worked on yachts for a long time and sometimes I'm like, hey, Kate, tie this real quick.
I don't know how to tie knots, but I'm going to do it enough that it's not going to float away.
Yeah, exactly.
I doubt that Bobby knew immediately how to tie a bowline yeah i agree i think that
it's kind of fishy that that's the only thing he could bring up i mean the girl was lazy she was
always late she was trying to get out of her work the whole time she was a smart ass like there's so
many things you can list but the only thing he really ever cared about was that fucking not that's all he cared about yeah and and also as her first mate
it's his job to then teach her well he tried he did have a few she was just like no yeah
that's why it was so hard to do she weighs like you don't even know how to do it
that's why it was so hard because she was pretty lazy or at least she was being portrayed as lazy
in the beginning of the season not so much the middle in the end but but she was pretty lazy. Or at least she was being portrayed as lazy in the beginning of the season.
Not so much in the middle and the end.
But she was portrayed as lazy and skirting authority and lying.
The lying thing.
But then, so you're like, oh, she is useless.
But then you realize that he is on such a power trip and he's such an asshole and he's such a misogynist.
That, like, you're kind of on her side
and you actually start to feel like she's just rebelling against a total dick.
So I don't know.
I really don't know where I stand between the two of them.
Yeah, because now you reminded me of when she was like,
I'm from New York, Italian family,
and if somebody snitches, they end up with cement boots.
I'm like, if you're in the mafia, you're not supposed to say it on reality TV.
I know.
So either you're lying or you're the worst mafia family
member ever um i wanted to say to kate that it is fate that you are here today and we are
perfectly ending this podcast because guess who just showed up to my house
the leaf blower the leaf blower leaf blower both times i've talked to kate before the leaf
blower has been here both damn times and last time mine was here and there was a leaf blower
outside her house too and we talked for about 20 minutes about how much we hated leaf blowers
uh when i moved into my new condo i started i became that crazy lady who had a log in her iphone tuesday 1 35 p.m across the
street lawn team wednesday 8 a.m i was like they're here every day it's like apocalypse
i was like that with um with trash trucks for a little bit because the garbage trucks
come through here like every single day and every time they lift the freaking dumpsters in
it sounds like the apocalypse outside. It's so loud.
You have to stop everything you're doing until it's over.
And I became the crazy person until I just came to accept it.
Yeah, I had a notepad log, but that's over now.
And you have a dog, which, by the way, you wrote about very nicely and eloquently on your blog.
Yeah, he's amazing.
How he was fate for you, which is a really nice story.
So if people haven't
read that story uh what's the blog i get what's the blog address again a lucky charming life and
it's um the miracle of a detour and actually today i went to go book his shots that the prior
the foster parents had already paid for and i looked at the debit card receipt the previous
owner's name was Angel. No way.
Oh, that's funny.
That's crazy.
Kate, what is your Twitter handle?
Kate underscore Chastain.
That's same for Instagram and Twitter.
Yeah. Kate, cannot wait
to see you on the next season of Below Deck.
We'll talk to you again as that
season goes on. God, I love talking to you, you kate yeah yeah it's gonna be a great season and i'll talk to
you guys again soon thank you so much for coming here kate i'm gonna follow you on instagram right
now yay we love you girl thanks so much kate we love you bye, Halo. And that is it for the day.
Oh, my goodness.
What a day it was.
It was a good day.
So thank you, everybody, so much for listening.
Thank you, Kate Chastain.
We love you.
And you guys, as usual, find us on WatchWhatCrappens.com.
All of our links are there.
If you want to subscribe, we are at Patreon.com slash watch what crappens. But most importantly, don't forget to go to tune in because we will be starting our new Bravo Gossip show on tune in next week.
So you can find that link on watch what crappens dot com as well.
And our Facebook.
Just come over there.
Find that link.
Go sign up, y'all.
How exciting.
Thanks, everybody.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Prime members. How exciting. Thanks, everybody. Bye.