Watch What Crappens - #319: The Cut Fitness-O Word

Episode Date: August 16, 2016

Kelly whipped out the C word on Real Housewives of Orange County, and Teresa blinked crazily on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Enjoy! Timestamps: 00 Opening and Crappens Mailbag 18:30 RHOC 1:07:20 RHONJ We have partnered with TuneIn to deliver more bonus content! Download the app! For our own premium feed, bonus episodes and extras, visit http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappens would like to thank its sponsors, Christy Doherty, Nicole Chickering, Mia Hanson-Aloha, Taryn Garcia, The Wine and Shout Podcast, and our super premium Sugar Mama sponsor,

Miss Madonna Hines, Madge with a sexy J. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. There's so much that's crappin'. talented, and beautifully spirited Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender. Hi, Ben. Hello. Ben, we love you long time. I love you long time. Happy Tuesday.

Happy Tuesday to you, too. You know, the good thing is that after every Thursday episode, I know I can say to you, Ronnie, see you next Tuesday. And mean it. And mean it. And mean it in its most literal sense. Everybody, to find all the links I'm about to tell you about, go over to the

Watch What Crappens page. It's watchwhatcrappens.com, easy enough. To follow along with everybody during the live show threads, which are hilarious, come over to facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. And for all of our bonus episodes and bonus content like Google Hangouts, Rangers, etc., etc., come over to Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens.

We just did today's bonus, or this week's bonus, and it was about Gabby from the Olympics getting in trouble for, I don't know, not having straight enough hair and stuff. And then also some other fun Olympics complaints and spoiler stuff. So come over there. That's patreon.com slash watch what crap happens. And thank you so much to everybody who subscribes and keeps us fed over here. Yeah, everyone. Thank you so much for supporting us. It makes a huge, huge, huge difference.

And we're so excited to have so many premium sponsors now. And even a super sponsor. I don't know. Yeah, we love you guys. All right, so let's get into the show. We've got a fun show today. Lots of good stuff to talk about. We've got Real Housewives of Orange County, and we've also got Real Housewives of New Jersey.

But before we do that, did you mention, I don't think you did, that we have our TuneIn Premium Gossip Show? Did you mention that? Did I just zone out for a second? No, I didn't mention it because I think they're at the beginning and the end of the episodes now. But just in case they're not, thank you to everybody who's listening to us over on TuneIn Radio. We've got an extra content show over there for their premiums. Their premium subscribers. And we are loving doing that.

Today we talked about a lot of fun stuff, actually. Matt from Real Housewives of Atlanta going against Kenya and missing his plane. And a possible addition to Real Housewives of New York, who you might recognize from the line board. And a lot of good Bravo gossip over there on our gossip show. But also, we're going to be at the L.A. Podfest on September 25th. So buy your tickets by going to L at the L.A. Podfest on September 25th. So buy your tickets by going to lapodfest.com. And if you can't make it, go there. You can also stream the whole thing.

You can use the promo code CRAPPINS to get a little bit of a discount on the festival pass to stream. Yeah, that's going to be so great. That's September 25th. Well, our date is, but it's that weekend. So we hope to see some of you out there for our loft show. Yeah, it's going to be so great. That's September 25th. Well, our date is, but it's that weekend. So we hope to see some of you out there for our loft show. Yeah, it's going to happen, I believe, at the Sofitel, which is the same place where Jax and Kristen went to a pool party this past season of Vanderpump Rules. So you get to really be part of TV history. And to that I say, seriously?

Seriously? part of tv history and to that i say seriously seriously pod fest seriously pod fest seriously the role of kristin will be played forever on this podcast by chewbacca seriously there aren't even any peas at this pod fest what kind of festival is this like we're celebrating pods seriously like i don't see any spaceships where are the pods pod fest is this seriously a pod fest that's how aliens are born they're pod people seriously seriously don't trust anyone at the pod fest they've been infected. So Ben, you know one of my favorite things to do is reach my arm out the door and check the mail. We got anything in there?

We sure do. Well, we have to start off the Crapman's Mailbag with a comment from our brand new super premium sponsor, Madonna. Not the singer, but Madonna Hines. Madge. Madge. She says, no question. Just love you guys for making me laugh after a hard day. Thank you, Madge.

We love you, Madge. OG of WWDC's family. We love you, too. And that was so nice. We hope we can continue to make you laugh after a hard day, and even a soft day. Joseph says, and I've already read the first few words, and I'm very excited by where this is going.

He says, If there was a Barefoot Contessa Housewives crossover episode, which Housewives would you want Ina to invite? What would she cook? Finally, which recurring characters from the Barefoot Contessa universe would you want to see interact with the housewives? Oh, my God. There's actually so many options that my brain might just explode by this question, Joseph.

Well, you can see who she'd invite i don't know who she would invite from the housewives because she i know likes when people are just quiet and they eat her food she's like look at all my friends who have come over to eat and they're like oh this is great i know she doesn't want people like you know what heather is she's a cut fitness or like yelling and stuff like that so well she certainly would not have tamra because tamra and vicky and others had trouble eating crawfish out of a plastic bag like what is this it's crawfish it's in a bag and then vicky would do her thing you know that she likes to do it's gross i'd be like today i'm serving pan pardue for dessert it's like french toast but it's sweeter

i think the guests will really love it and cut to they keep being like, I'm sorry, Ina, but there's too much sugar in this pan pardue. But I do appreciate that it's something with the word pain in it. Ina, do you have calories, calorie count for this pan pardue? How about this steak? What's more fattening, the salad

or the pan pardue? Ina? Ina. Ina. Why are you trying to fatten me up, Ina? Ina. Jeffrey. Ina. Ina. Ina. Ina. Ina! I feel the calories adding on to me as we speak.

My person from that universe that I would like on Housewives is, of course, Jeffrey. I think he would fit in so well. All these women have husbands who just ignore them and want to be left alone like Jeffrey, hiding in the guest room with his computer. He's like, I'm just in the office, dear.

Masturbating furiously to like Pornhub Premium or whatever. I imagine TR actually palling around with a woman of Real Housewives of New York City. He would just be their attractive, older, kind of dumb gay friend. Because you know he's very dumb. Every time he has to do something, he can't do it. Like the time when he was supposed to make meringues. So he went to Anna Pump's store and just bought them and didn't pay her any money.

And Anna Pump was like uh can i have that money now and by the way all right r.i.p anna pump it's like uh you know this shit ain't free right yeah um so i can imagine tr palling around with like bethany you know that's something i definitely can imagine i just love the thought of of Jeffrey hiding from people. That's all. He doesn't even have to do anything on the show. He could be like, I think your husband's abusive. And he'd be like, well, I'll be right there, dear. He would never get mad.

Let's face it, Ina. Jeffrey's nowhere to be found. I'd be very concerned about what he's doing up at Yale. Let's face it, okay? I don't know where he is, but the fact that he's not here for dinner is very day class A. I'm sorry. It's just day class A. You have the password to his iCloud, don't you, Ina?

Ina? Ina? Ina? Jeffrey never used to like roasted chicken. Jeffrey? Jeffrey? Oh, Lord. Jeffrey, I explicitly told you don't use Google in front of Ina Garnon. Jeffrey? Jeffrey? Oh, Lord.

Jeffrey, I explicitly told you don't use Google in front of Ina Garten. And what did you do? You went onto Gmail. Oh, Ina. How do you like your thoughts? Oh, Ina, I love this house that you have on the beach. Where's David? David?

David? Is David walking on the beach? Like poor David will never be able to walk on a beach again. Here lies Shannon Bedore, killed by Ina Garten's outrageous brownies. What else in there? Okay. Okay.

Lauren Green says, hello. Did you see, were you aware of Countess Luanne's storyline on Difficult People? Thoughts? I only found out about that today. I've actually not seen that show. Have you seen that show, Ronnie? No, I have not seen it because it's really no reason.

I haven't seen it. I heard it's really good. And Julie Klausner is great. She used to be a Real Housewives recapper as well. And I think that's even part of her plot line. Oh, really? Yeah. That's probably why Luann is on there.

Yeah. So I have not seen that. But I want to see it. I just don't watch that many comedies. I really like watching all of these murder shows. Although I wish this trend of having a murder show that lasts an entire season would go away because these terrible shows like I just that HBO show. I'm sorry. I know everybody an HBO show comes on and we're all supposed to like pant and rave about how great it is.

But this one called The Night Of is one of the most frustrating damn shows if you're not watching john leguizamo pick his fucking psoriasis on his feet or clean up cat shit out of kitty litter boxes or whatever you're watching the stupidest criminal i've ever seen in the world uh and the worst plot ever hate it uh so i should watch difficult people because that's making me crazy i just don't have hulu premium but by the way of course i how do we not talk about the fact on our bonus episode that brendan dassey from um making a murderer his conviction was overturned this week oh yeah we didn't talk about that that's crazy it's a bonus episode fail yeah yeah yeah just means that someone's gonna to finally catch up on WrestleMania. He's going to be living in a world where WrestleMania has passed by. His mom probably has that recorded on a Betamax or some shit. I know.

I told you I'd wait for you, hon, and I did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brendan, did you kill that girl or not? Tell me the truth. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah.

You did? No. Did you? I don't know. If only the serial prosecutor or defense attorney were there. Did you or did you not kill Teresa Halbach? If only the serial prosecutor or defense attorney were there. Did you or did you not kill Teresa Halbach? I don't know.

Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. Remember Serial? Of course. Why do you think I'm blinking? No, I'm saying it more like the fact that the season two was so bad that everyone stopped listening to it. Man, I still see that Bo Bergdahl in headlines and even the headlines I get bored. Because Serial 2 was so bad that everyone stopped listening to it. Man, I still see that Bo Berg doll in headlines and even the headlines. I get bored because serial two was so boring. Serial two.

Oh, man. I wonder what their numbers were season two. So Betty Brown. We'll do the last question. Betty Brown says, hi, friends. Last week, Ben was talking about Erica from Beverly Hills. He said he doesn't dislike her her but she was irritating to him it made me wonder which housewives do you guys truly dislike and the award for the most insufferable housewife of all time goes to blank and yes i'm hoping

the question inspires some good old-fashioned ronnie rage love you long time. Well, guys, I did have rage for a very long time. But everybody's favorite housewife, Jesus, fixed it. He healed my rage. Because my rage has always been for Tamara Barney. I mean, always. I hate her. I think she's awful. She's a horrible friend.

She's a horrible human being. Like, that woman could be hit by a bus and i'd be like lol poor bus but she's actually been kind of okay this season to the point where i don't even feel rage now when i talk about her and it feels weird like i'm mad at jesus now yep well tamra has always been someone that i love to hate like it's like oh tamra she's such an awful person and yet like i would be furious they ever got rid of her you know so like i do have like a special love for tamra even though i hate her um it's funny the people that i've classically hated um even they i find some redeeming character like characteristics in them i mean yolanda is pretty low on my list

these days brandy was at the bottom you know but there's something about Brandy. As much as I hate her, there's something about her that I feel like I could see myself hanging out with her, oddly enough, and cracking jokes. Actually, me too. We loved Brandy at first. I just hate when people

make up storylines, and her fight didn't even make any sense. Yeah. I think Yolanda is really in the shitter with me these days. I don't find anything redeeming about her anymore. But I used to love her. Teresa Giudice is – I would say – how about this? Jacqueline Lareda.

I'm going to say Jacqueline because Teresa has been growing on me lately. I think this season I've been enjoying Teresa more than I have in years. Whereas Jacqueline, I've never really liked Jacqueline. I've never felt that she's brought anything to the table. I always found her to be whiny and immature. And she's never had in my mind a season where she's become really awesome. She's always just been like, whatever. And I would say Jacqueline is pretty much the pits um well mine used to be

tamra and i have to say otherwise i really don't hate anybody right now i mean my i think if i had to choose it would be yolanda because i think yolanda has really done a disservice to people who really are suffering with her fake bullshit and i don't believe her for a second and then her doubling down on it just not into her don't like her and that she's still trying we talked about this in the bonus episode like she's still trying to spread stories that she's going to be a real housewives of new york bitch please take a seat no what about amber amber from new jersey she's really awful but at least she really had cancer so yolanda yes that beats her. That's true. And what about Cynthia Bailey? Cynthia Bailey has been demoted to a friend of this season.

I don't know if you knew yet. She's annoying, but she's not hateable. She's just annoying. Yeah, I don't hate Cynthia. I just fast forward, which is probably worse than hating somebody. But I usually just fast forward. which is probably worse than hating somebody. But I usually just fast forward.

Peter's handjob in that massage scene is probably the last thing I ever need to see of her again. I hated Larsa Pippen. She was pretty terrible, and Christy Rice as well. They were really, really bad. It's just weird. It's like you're still hating people after you break up with them anyway. They all got dumped, so I can't hate them. I have to think of the current ones for myself to feel any rage and i don't have any that i hate do i well you tell me yeah i don't think i know i i think that's why i was thinking jacklyn to me i think she's the only one on the

air at the moment jack brought up a silent burp in you that is unforgivable this is a silent burp you know you can by the way you can never stop a silent burp it like forces its way out no matter what always yeah jackson it i can't believe you actually detected the silent burp i thought i could hide it now she is a silent burp she doesn't make any noise that's like no worthy so she's not even funny she just is in the way and annoying and just just just wish she would just sort of smelly and i don't know i'm over her it's just a silent burp but i can't take the metaphor any farther in case you missed it on the bonus episode i explained i did not get uh coffee today because the elevator was taking so long that i abandoned my entire starbucks trip oh ben i'll always wait for a little starbucks babe it's

taking so long and i was just like no so i'm like it's okay i don't need coffee i'll just drink some water while i podcast and here i am making an extended metaphor that makes no sense about a silent burp and jacqueline lorita jacqueline lorita is a silent burp she is a silent burp she's this listen it could be worse she could be a silent fartp. She is a silent burp. Listen, it could be worse. She could be a silent fart, but she's just a silent burp, which is not even as noteworthy as a silent fart. Because a silent fart at least makes his presence known. Silent burp is just there.

What was that? It's like that odd smell of like McDonald's dollar menu. Like a silent burp could be scarier. At least a foot smells like a foot so burp smells like i don't know you can it's like the fingerprint of what they ate a few hours ago and it's gross it's gross yeah exactly the silent burp is always strange it's like if

you have sushi it's like when you have a silent burp it's all of a sudden you're like burping up wasabi flavors that's that's that's basically what jack la ruta is recycled wasabi flavor not even spicy not even prickly, but it's like I know I had some sort of unpleasant root vegetable recently. Oh my goodness.

Close it up. Or another sound. I'm going to say that I i jackland next time next time i have a silent burp i'm gonna say i jackland um so you want to move on to a little real housewives of orange county bin oh my goodness my goodness goodness gracious is my great aunt luisa used to say brothers and sisters wow wow cut fitness got a lot of free advertising on this episode if you know what i'm saying oh my god both the both the um slur word for vagina and the actual gym yeah yes exactly did pretty well this week i'm getting my my notes open and my evernote evernote well while you get if you want to use another device you can pay ten dollars a month hey evernote suck a dick yeah ever evernote is like the danielle staub of technology

as long as we're making analogies left and right i I'm going to say Daniel's. You'll always remember what you need to do, but it'll be annoying in the process. It's too big for what it does. And it always needs updating. But I refuse to do it. Just like Daniel Stopp. I got in trouble with Google because of pictures of Daniel Stopp. Because when she got her boobs done at the dry cleaners, when she went in for an inspection,

there was a scene where her boobs were out and they were blurred over. And I put those pictures on my blog during an old photo cap. And Google was like, I am sorry, but this does not comply with our code of conduct for Google Ads. So please take these down. Otherwise, we're going to suspend your account. I'm like, I can't believe Daniel Saab could cause me to lose money.

So you replace it with another picture for clothes, and they're like, no, sorry, the boobs were fine. It was just the face was horrifying our advertisers. Google's ridiculous. They block stuff that's on TV. They do. On our site, they block stuff from Botched. Like, really?

First of all, this was two years ago. And second of all, how can you even call these boobs? How did your scanners even pick this up? One looks like a donkey head, and the other looks like a deflated animal balloon or whatever. Because it's botched. Yeah. No, I hate when I get those. I feel like I'm getting called into the principal's office every time Google sends an alert being like, I'm sorry.

Your account will be suspended unless you clean this up. And then it's like a picture of the Bethany Frankel nip slip. And I'm like, but this was bringing me so much traffic. Fine. Yes. So mad. So anyway, Orange County opens up with Kelly arriving at Tamara's house. Orange County opens up with Kelly arriving at Tamara's house.

And we learn that Tamara wants to have a big last bash before she has to stop drinking for her competition. And Megan has to be sober and stop eating sushi before she gets pregnant. So they're going to go. So Tamara tells Kelly they're going to have a party at a sushi restaurant and i just love tamra describing it because i just imagined i imagined you doing the tamra voice describing being like it's gonna be traditional japanese batch take off your shoes batch don't cook the food batch and then kelly worldly kelly is like have you ever been to Japan? Because I have twice. Now, in Japan you just put an O at the everything. Like, bio, hi-o,

der-o, earthquake-o. So stupid. But even Tamara's like, oh good, so could you read what this says? At least Kelly was like, I can't read it. I just know to put an L at the end of everything. She'd be great on The Amazing Race.

She's like, no O. No? Yeah, she is. It's amazing how somebody can find a new facet of their ignorance to display every single week. Yeah. I mean, every week with her is something new. I don't even have anything to say anymore. Ronnie, she's college educated

i've been to college shannon well that's a weird thing to say i've been to college i've never used that one before i mean kelly obviously her best line of the episode and this is jumping way ahead was when she was like how could somebody say things about me that are so nutritious? Oh my God. It's like nutritious awful things. People are like, that girl

is such a think thin bar. She's like, ah! She's nutritious. I'll tell you what's nutritious. Tamara trying to do anything at her house because she's she's basically a functioning eating disordered possum face at this point and so you go to her house there's no spread there's no like shaw's sunset spread okay there's strawberries there's like

yeah old strawberries pouring them into into like a she was you know it's so funny because this is you know we talked about on the bonus episode carping on stupid shit i was watching that i was like i was like why are you pouring so many raspberries in that tiny bowl they're gonna fly everywhere that's what goes in my mind so many raspberries thinking i like you thinking mr lincoln so up next, were you going to say something about this one? Well, I was just going to say that when Tamara announced this party and these name tags, I was already thinking to myself, somebody call Katy Perry because she's about to be off the hook. Because Tamara is about to do some serious cultural appropriation shit and it's going to be terrible.

I was already imagining Tamara showing up to this thing in a kimonoono i mean like look i'm japanese oh god well she is getting the eyes i mean you get so many facelift eventually you're gonna be a hostess at you know wakamoto or whatever the hell oh my god i sound like kelly now yeah uh well i was gonna move on scenes but i didn't realize i just made a paragraph break. So watch out. We've got 30 more minutes. Well, there was a big thing that happened in the scene. Believe it or not, beyond the berries and the overflow of berries and the talk of adding O at the end of things to speak Japanese, there actually was something significant that caused a lot of things to fall in place to set a ball in motion, whatever. Basically, Kelly andra were rehashing the

old 70s party again and that's when tamra ever the podster is like yeah batch well that girl nina said that you suck dick to pay bills and that's where it all began oh i know she's like well if you have problems with if you have problems with Shannon, I get it, because lots of people have problems with Shannon. We've all had problems, but I feel like she's a good person, like Judas. He was a good person, but

he only took 30 pieces of gold to betray Jesus, and then he kissed him at the same time. How are you going to judge someone like that? Tamara! People don't realize that Judas was a priest. Don't you remember? Judas Priest? Batch. I went to so many of Judas' concerts in the 80s.

What do you think Ryan was born? One thing I've learned from bodybuilding is don't be mean to an ass just because they're a Jude ass. Like, that's racist. Batch. It's a Jude ass. ass just because they're a jude ass like that's racist batch it's a jude ass it's a jewish ass jude um jews are like the chosen people batch even if they are dasses don't tell heather i said that um so now now we go to vicky's. And Vicky is just having lunch with Brianna and baby Troy.

And I love that Vicky turns to baby Troy and is like, hey, Troy, would you like some Chinese chicken salad? I was like, yes. The preferred meal for every toddler. The Chinese chicken salad. Oh, I'm real great at making Chinese chicken salad. You put a salad and then some mayo and then, you know. A Chinese chicken. The end.

Yeah, Chinese chicken. I got this chicken from China. Like, enjoy that mayonnaise salad. That was not a Chinese chicken salad. That was not. That was an orange downy Chinese chicken salad. Oh, one thing I forgot to mention, and I'm only bringing it up because it comes up later, is Kelly going, I was ready to let bygones be bygones but i've been a millionaire for years

and years and years like okay so you don't have to be a whore anymore it's like so your difference is between the use of the word whore in present tense yeah it's stupid okay so basically what you're saying is you married this guy and he had a lot of money and he made you a millionaire and then you had sex with him. So sort of in a sense, he almost kind of like paid you. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. Let's save all the money you've earned. Yeah, with your dick sucking.

So how did you get him to marry you? Dick sucking? Okay. She's still right. Nina. And also, guess what? Megan, I mean, lady, new lady, Kelly. I don't hate Kelly yet.

I mean, she's a damn mess and a damn fool and a drunk. But I'm really like watching her. I'm really enjoying watching her on the show. But I will never go against Nina, okay? She's been on this show, I think, a total of five minutes of her life. And I will always be on Nina's side. I don't care what happens. I don't care if she slaughters, like, baby sheep.

You know? Nina's a disaster. And by the way, by the way, I'm not opposed to prostitution. I say, I say, Kelly, if you had to suck that guy's dick to become a millionaire, then all the power to you. You got to do what you got to do in life. And know what prostitution should be legal people want to pay to have sex and by god let them have their jollies amen brother i watched that movie tangerine this week which is the donut time tranny hooker is so good i was going to watch that and then i didn't it is so good it's on netflix you guys watch it it's just bitch bitch oh my god bitch oh seriously bitch

like you would take my husband bitch she's like do i look real yet look at these do i look real yet i've been taking my estrogen bitch so good but it reminded me of this cast because nobody is meaner to a hoe than another hoe and nina yes you have sucked dick for money who the fuck do you think you're kidding lady well i mean there's not much of a difference between a tangerine and an orange the real tangerines of orange county bitch those girls they wouldn't last two damn minutes uh so let's see so vicky wants a boat yeah i need a i need a boat and a husband okay so i'll take them to brianna's like looking away awkward but she has to be nice because she's not paying for anything she's like yeah i had to pay for the double oven and i'm like seriously

gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life it's basically like a big nothing scene and then um then over in tamra's neck of the woods again uh Tamara calls Megan on the phone about this last bash. And she basically is like, so I invited Vicky. And Megan's like, oh, seriously? Seriously? I didn't want her. Tamara's like, but I thought you guys had a moment batch. And she's like, hashtag knowledge.

Your knowledge is wrong. No, like we had a moment. I don't want to invite her but you said i gotta invite her fine i just won't go but it's your party i just don't want any drama but you not coming to the party is more drama it's not appropriate okay it's like a day before i get pregnant so like you're shoving vicky in my face like the day before i get pregnant. So, like, you're shoving Vicky in my face, like, the day before I get pregnant. Like, it's not appropriate. Okay. What is the appropriate way to shove Vicky in your face? I know.

And since when is, like, the day before you get pregnant? Like, this hallowed day. There's no rules about the day before you get pregnant, okay? No kidding. It's like my mom throwing a parade before she goes into the back of the bowling alley. I pregnant, okay? No kidding. It's like my mom throwing a parade before she goes into the back of the bowling alley. I mean, come on. You're not being launched into outer space

for three years, okay? You're just getting something shoved in your hoo-ha. Besides, there's no better time to have some gelatinous, scary, mutant-looking thing shoved in your face than the day before you have a garbage can full of like expired sperm shoved into you okay like this is literally the most appropriate day that i can yeah and uh my theory is that tamra's gonna start turning on megan i think that tamra's gonna start turning start turning on Megan and Shannon over the course of the season. Because Tamara A knows when to switch sides.

And she doesn't like being told what to do necessarily. And when Megan is like, oh, Tamara, that's the sort of thing that annoys Tamara. And she's going to turn against Megan. And I think later on she'll do it against Shannon. That's my guess. Well, Tamara, one of the things we talk about all the time is how people will never let their first fight go. And Tamara wasn't lucky enough to get to fight the young person because Shannon was there to do it for her. But Tamara is just like a Vicky. She hates the new young one every single time and totally goes against them.

And she didn't get to. So I think she still got that one out for Megan. And then, yeah, with Shannon, Shanna started with her and she gave it all away or she gave it all up in the name of Jesus or whatever. But yeah, she'll be back for Shannon. Yeah, she will. Shannon is not safe. Shannon is getting a little too comfortable

trying to get people to not shoot and trying to ice people out and then telling Tamara off for being a shit stirrer when duh like who do you think you're talking to so yeah it should be fun yeah so then we go up to hollywood where heather dubrow has arrived for the malibu country reunion show uh which i'm very oh i'm sorry i misread my notes it was just an appearance on the doctors It's apparently Heather's doctor now Yeah, Heather's the doctor She's like, if you have gerbil face

Here's what you do Eat a pellet Like, why are you complaining to me? It's not fixable Okay, Terry Why is she on the doctors? If anybody still had any respect for that show There you go Yeah, i guess it's now

considered like wives of doctors the wives of doctors which we already have on bravo yes we already have that and they're less boring she starts talking about her anal and vaginal steam yeah because she's trying to promote this whole well you know we're doctor and mrs guinea pig you know because they're trying to do this book so this is the new angle so she's gonna push it everywhere she can oh look, look at us. You know, we're joiners. We do everything. Like when we did that mud run.

We're just joiners. You know, that mud run is why we needed to get our vagis steamed along with our anuses. Like, just be quiet. She has nothing to say. And then those fake ass doctors laughing at her. And also, I don't like that she's calling herself a guinea pig when she's got a gerbil face. You're confusing the youth of america uh the and basically the whole reason why we saw this was as was supposed to be evidence that heather's doing all these different things but she's found she's found a way to balance her

work life with her family life i'm like congratulations you figured out how to balance a podcast with your family i mean terry's doing surgery for crying out loud you just can't compare them well i've got a podcast a book um speaking engagements uh an after show uh uh i picked out counters uh look she's just listing everything i got the mail the other day the newspaper boy flipped our paper at our house and it hit the gate and I had to walk and get the newspaper. Ridiculous. He put the newspaper in the guest mailbox. I mean, it's ridiculous. Doesn't he know you're supposed to put the newspaper in the right wing of the mailbox mansion?

Colette doesn't read the newspaper, stupid paper boy. Do you see what I have to deal with? And on top of that, i have to train a whole new staff of employees for in-house post office i found my balance terry hasn't i'm like yeah well he also makes trillions of dollars and is building you a mall house and puts up with your crap durable face but you zip it okay so megan meets with dr. Why did I put Tim slash salad? What does that mean? I don't know.

Slad? I like it. Lad? Lad? Dr. Tim's lad? I don't know what that means, but Megan meets with him. Tim salad. She meets with a salad and then with Dr. Tim.

Can I have a salad? I don't have tissues. Hey, salad, I'm getting pregnant tomorrow. What kind of thing is that to do to me, tim the day before i get pregnant he's like well your womb is like an oven and you have to think of it but let's put it this way in an oven you put in some bread you put in a pan you put in some ingredients and you cook them all together she's like i don't get it i don't get it do i leave with a build-a-bear or not he's like no that's a that's a different strip mall place wait a second i'm not allowed to put anything metal in my womb right no that's a microwave it's like an oven you're introducing Dr. Tim, who's never cooked in his life.

Yeah, that's not how you do it. First, you get the ingredients. Then you make sure that they're not expired. Then you put them in a bowl, not a trash can, and you stir them around to make sure they work together, which in this case they apparently don't. And then you put them in the oven. There's a lot of steps before the oven, buddy. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, Megan's like, I just want to make the bloating go away.

I love how her arc is about bloating. It's like the third episode in a row of bloating. I don't know how anybody in the OC ever heals from anything, because the doctors in this town are all fucking whack jobs. She's like, are you really a doctor? And he's like, yes, I'm a chiropractor, a neurologist, an MD, PhD. We hold Weight Watchers meetings in here on Saturday.

I've got the Mary Kay pink Cadillac because I've sold a lot. It's like, could you focus? I'm a regional manager for Gap. I own a pizza parlor. I'm really good at Dr. Mario. I own a pizza parlor. I'm really good at Dr. Mario, so that sort of counts too. I watch the doctors.

I saw Heather Dubrow on the doctors. The other day I saw Talking Gerbil on the doctors. If you need more proof than that, I don't got it for you, lady. I have an old CD of the Spin Doctors. You're going to a doctor in a gym, okay? That should have answered your question. And then he's like, we're going to make your oven beautiful. And he starts massaging her legs.

And then porn music starts playing. Yeah, there's some reflexology. The editors this year, they're fucking hilarious. The editors, by the way, have also given us a, I start charities, Megan! They've already given us that a little bonus one that was great so shannon is there so this is all explained when shannon shows up because of course shannon ain't going to a real doctor it's like yolanda going to a real doctor they'll be like nothing is wrong with you please leave yeah. Yeah. The only time Shannon has ever given, I think, a good medical recommendation was when she referred Brooks to City of Hope. And then he didn't even go.

But you know what? I'm starting to understand why. Because every other doctor of hers is a kook. But it was worth it just to see her getting massaged by the guy. Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh, I feel better.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, wow. That was great. Thanks. Thanks, Dr. Tim. Thanks, Dr. Tim. Would you like to go by your Eastern medicine name, Dr. Tim, or your Western medicine name, Dr. Tim? Which is it? Oh, Tim-O. I hear that's how you say it in Eastern medicine.

Dr. Tim or Dr. Tim-O. Dr. California Roll-O. Here lies Shannon Bedore, killed by Dr. Tim's magnificent hands. And Dr. Tim is a gossipy bitch, too. He's like,

oh, so you're feeling better after that crazy 70s party and they flash back to they put a picture of david as you know mr furley next to what's-her-buns as miss mrs roper yeah oh because they have the same eyes yes and then they're showing him uh he's like whoa that was really weird how close to uh how close to your husband's face vicky got personal space thing i was a little violated you're comparing you're comparing wombs to ovens okay shut up doctor says the man who gave like an impromptu shoulder massage to shannon while she was just standing there i was like that's a little inappropriate and then shannon of court which i don't know how wrong she was on this.

I think Vicky was so close to David's face because they're on TV and that's how people talk on TV. Like whenever I've seen a TV show filmed, I'm like, whoa, they must have some tic-tacs on the craft services table because those faces are close. But Shannon, of course, is saying, well, Vicky was trying to provoke David into pushing her or something. Well, he didn't push her! He didn't push her! Well, you go, Shannon. Yeah, way to go. Way to go. He's

a liar and a cheater, but he's not abusive. Check. I'm only having 10 to 20 negative thoughts about David today. David? David? David? Listen to my negative thoughts. David today. David. David. David. Listen to my negative thoughts. What did you call Savicky?

Your trickle- David, that was a blonde woman. You're lucky you weren't on a beach, David. David, don't push. Don't push. Don't push. Good, David. Good. Megan and Tamara.

So does Tamara come into the gym? Where were they? So Tamara walks into the gym. And were they? So Tamara walks into the gym and then they're all talking about the last bash thing again. And Shannon's saying how she doesn't want Vicky to be there. Well, they're talking about Vicky and Shannon's like, well, I don't think that Vicky should be

there. I say, I said we have to distance ourselves from negativity and I will not waver from that. And Tamara's like, yeah, well, you invited her to your party. So don't shame us. Well, I had a difficult time with that, Miss Tamara Barney. She's like, well, then don't call other people out for doing the same thing you're doing, bitch.

Like, Tamara started getting old Tamara mean here, which I really liked, where she was about to just lose it. She got the possum on top of the garbage can face. I love that. Because you know they're so close to the trash, they just can't stop but hissing at you. So she was starting to get pissed. She's getting ready to go for Shannon.

I think you're right about that. But I love that Shannon, Miss Shannon, who's not manipulating anything. I did not tell those women. I don't even know those women. That Shannon is like, now listen, everybody. We've all had conversations about this

and how we've all agreed not to be with such a horrendous and unconscionable human being. I'm like, okay. So you're basically yelling at them because of all the off-camera plotting you've done to ice this woman out of the cast. Yeah. Subtle, Shannon.

Exactly. But Shannon's not going to get her way because Vicky will be invited. And speaking of Vicky, we now go to her. I'm so sorry. Because we do need to move on. But Tamara goes. In the Bible, it says to forgive your enemies every single time shannon and if if vicky ever does this again that's it that's the last time i was like uh do you people

even listen to the previous sentence okay go ahead go ahead sorry so then vicky goes over to kelly's uh place where she gets trapped in the elevator oh Oh no, I can't get out of the elevator. Have I gone to heaven, ma'am? Ma'am. I stepped into an elevator and I ended up inside my kitchen walls. Ma'am! Oh god, what's this dark place? It feels like

a trash chute. Is it my Caliente sign in here? Oh no. So Vicky trying to work a pepper grinder yeah and before that it was vicky trying to work kelly's absurd bedazzled bottle opener which was so tacky that's kind of embarrassing and then kelly going off with her typical i mean how's this woman not been a real housewife for a decade because she acts like one she's like well nina said i'm a prostitute and michael is really mad yeah she wasn't mad but then once michael got mad now kelly's mad she's like so i texted i texted shannon and i said you better tell nina that i'm gonna

lawyer up about defamation i'm gonna sue her ass off for defamation of character okay you defame yourself on a weekly basis just so you know kelly yeah it's like i see red when i get mad i'm like uh because you look into a mirror and you literally turn red because you maybe have less adderall before your glass of wine jesus lady calm down over there so tamra immediately of course uh gets on the phone. Oh, no, Shannon calls Tamara after she receives the text. Yeah. You know, Shannon hates a negative text.

Meanwhile, Shannon, who writes a text to Vicky, that's like, just so you know, I do not want to be friends anymore, but you're cordially invited to my 70s party. However, if she gets a text that's like, hey, tell your friend Nina I'm lowering up. You know, that's Shannon's like, that, tell your friend Nina I'm lowering up. Yes. That's Shannon's line. Oh, that's a negative text.

Do you know how this makes me feel? Now I'm all ripped. I've spiked up to 60 to 70 negative thoughts per day, David. I'm suing her for defamation of my negative thoughts, which have gone completely off budget. My emotional chandelier is going up and down five times in a minute. I'll tell you who's not a firework.

I don't even know where I'm going with that. Okay, Kelly. I like that she said. I got a text from Kelly, and it's making me question her in so many ways. Really? Because you weren't questioning her before you got this text. Yeah, exactly. And I think Tamara was basically like, yeah, just like it's between Kelly and Nina, right?

Like stay out of it, right? Yeah. And then Shannon's like, well, I guess that's where we're different because I would go to battle for you. But that's okay. Everybody's different. Jeez. Tamara's like, I'm not playing the fence, okay? I'm not sitting on a fence.

I'm hanging on a cross. Get it right, Shannon. I bet you like to use Gmail, too. That's what David liked to use when he was being unfaithful to me. David. David. David. Why haven't you logged into Yahoo Mail?

David. What is this hotmail, David? Hmm? Is that a new dating site, David? David, get back here. David. Hmm? Is that a new dating site, David? David, get back here. David. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school

where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. That's the recipe I found.

I like it. That's just the end. David! The end. He's hiding somewhere. David, I just found a recipe for some sugar glazed beef. What is this madness?

And why do you only get two bottles of wine for a dinner party? It's madness, David. That girl sent me a text in the car. I got that text in the car. My children were in that car. That was my own personal phone that she texted me on. David, who's this?

If you're going to sue somebody, just sue her. What am I, a fucking messenger? Oh, Shannon. Blast it up a little bit over there who do you think you are miss 30 year old never gets old unlike everyone else on this cast yeah so shannon and kelly no i mean kelly and uh vicky oh my gosh how did i write down shannon you know this is a totally different show you You know why? Because Kelly was making salmon. And salmon, I think, probably makes you think of Shannon.

But what I loved is Kelly made this salmon. And she goes, you know, this is so plain, but it's so healthy. I thought I was like, normally you say it's so plain, but it tastes so good. But she's like, it's so plain and it's healthy. So enjoy some bland fish. Yeah. She's like, well, I know and it's healthy. So enjoy some bland fish. Yeah. She's like, well, I know how you eat, Vicky. Really?

Because she just ate a bowl of mayonnaise with an orange in it. So I don't think so. They're trying to be best friends but know nothing about each other. Yeah. And so, Vicky. Well, you know, right now I'm not talking to Shannon. Okay. That's totally by choice on your part.

Kelly goes, why would you she's a bitch yeah well vicky is now doing this thing about like well the way david was talking to me he got all up in my face it was scary his eyes that was scary like i'd be afraid if i were her like she's trying to paint oh he's up yourself hey hey kelly could you reiterate what you would do if david talked that way to you? Reiterate? Really, Vicky? Yeah, could you? Stop trying.

Vicky, you're the one who was, like, belittling Shannon in front of him. Of course he's going to stand up for his wife. Don't try to make him sound like he's some psychopath. He was just saying, fuck you. That's my wife you're talking about. It's your fault, Vicky. Get over it. And she's like, Kelly's like, well, so it's not our fault he looks like a pedophile?

I mean, what are you supposed to do? They cut to David and Shannon's faces, and Shannon going, it was you! Thank you, thank you. Please show that every episode. And then Vicky, what are those bows on your wall? Bows are funny. I love bows. Where do you even get those bows?

You didn't get bows like that. Are they taken? Are they available bows? I don't like to sleep alone. I'll sleep with those bows. Send them over. They sort of look like sea urchins. But I don't like sea urchins because urchins don't work. You got to get a job.

Get a job. Get a job in the sea. Get a job. Here, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Guess what? There's also plenty of jobs there, fish. You know who has a job in the sea? Portuguese man o' war. He's a man o' war.

He's a soldier. That's a job. But you're not, sea urchin. Get an army pension like the man of war, you lazy Urchin. That's bravery right there. Portuguese man of war. I don't care if it's a different country. That's bravery.

All soldiers deserve respect. Vicky's logic always cracks me up. My great fear with David is that if I slapped him, he'd slap me back. Okay. Well, how about you just don't slap people? Yeah, don't slap him in the first place. It's her greatest fear is that if she slaps someone, she'll get slapped back. That's usually the way it works.

Yep. And Kelly. Yes, but for her to say, I'm a prostitute. I have a daughter. What if people see this on TV and they start giving her shit because her mother's a prostitute? I've been a millionaire for years and years. Don't worry. She's like, don't worry about your daughter.

She's in tennis boot camp right now and isn't allowed to watch TV. If parents, if the kids have watched this season and they're making fun of your daughter for you being a prostitute, that'll be a hundred times better than what they're making fun of her for after watching this show. I mean, Jesus, lady. And this is when she said, how could somebody say these things about me that are so nutritious? So nutritious. So we get to this party and I knew i knew things were gonna get really ugly because it took place on the set of kill bill i'm like oh no this back room they're like you go in back room now no you know sit in restaurant they know who's coming it's like anywhere with the back room

we'll take them with bars on the window and shit. And Tamara showed up with Sarah, her grandbaby daddy. Mama, I should say. And then, of course, Tamara immediately gets down to work putting down origami penises everywhere. I'm like, it's not a bachelorette party. Batch. It doesn't even look like a penis. It just looks like a weird folded elephant trunk. I'm coming at origami, okay, batch?

It's like, bow whore, bow wh bow, whore. Bow, whore. Bow, whore. Bow, whore. There were all those ladies standing at the front. Bow, bow. Bow, bitch. Bow, bitch. Bow, bow. Bow, bow, bow. Bow, bow, bow. Okay, you can go in now. Oh, my God.

So they have to take off their shoes, blah, blah, blah. Daughter, blah, blah, blah. If you can't wear shoes, you can't talk about fuck, shit, or conceiving. Oh, yeah, Sarah's really dumb. Yeah, she is dumb. That's what I'm getting at. So then Vicky brings Megan a gift. She's like, you know, I just want to be friends, and I'm really happy for you.

And I know we had a moment, but, you know, I'm glad a stick figure like you gets to finally get knocked up for once. I just bought you this plaque to put in the baby's room that says, finally, I have a real baby. So I can be at the adult table now. Hope that's not too long of a plaque. Now you can understand that you're more than just

a stepmother. You're a stepmother with a maybe baby. I just brought you this appetizer that we can enjoy together as two real mothers. So now you can know what it feels like. Okay? Tell me when you actually get pregnant. Love, Vicky.

So then everyone is there. And the dinner is going well at first. You know, Shannon's like, oh, we'll have a cucumber salad. Please, we'll have a cucumber salad. Seaweed? Seaweed? David? What does that mean?

The steak or the cucumber? Which has more calories? I will never get over that, stupid Shannon. Which has more calories, a salad or a steak? With potatoes and cheese on top. Okay. Okay. So, Kelly...

But then they're all drinking. Kelly's so rude. They have to take off their shoes before they go in this room, which is... The floor is formica. Like, who cares? But still,

they have to take their shoes off and she goes, don't let these get stolen, okay? These are expensive shoes. Okay. Okay, Kelly. All those women standing at the front of the Japanese sushi place want to steal your gaudy ass shoes. She's like, do you know how many men I had to sleep with to buy these shoes?

This cost more than my college. I'm a millionaire. I've been a millionaire for so long, like almost since I graduated from ASU, which stands for a super ultimate millionaire girl. Ask for you. Ask for you. No, I'm not a prostitute. You're all fired. So let's see.

I told Tamara it was okay, but I wish he. Oh, yeah. Megan's like, I know I said it was okay that vicky could come but oh vicky yeah and she's vicky's like well i just said i want to be friends i don't mean like hey how you doing i just meant like oh hi at a party you know that's it um so then uh so megan is also by the way she's really mad that kelly has become best friends with Vicky because Kelly is supposed to be Megan's best friend. So Kelly asks – I'm sorry. Megan asks Kelly about how lunch went with Shannon because they had – the last episode, they had a confrontation.

And at this point, Kelly is now wasted, and she just proceeds to talk herself into a fight like she starts off like in a good place and as she talks she just gets angrier and angrier and angrier she's like yeah everything's fine everything's fine yeah like i don't you know i don't like her friends but she's she's cool i don't have friends like that i mean they're disgusting i mean they're just like two awful awful people i mean i mean my whole family is educated. I'm college educated. My whole family is educated. I'm like, yeah, nutritious.

Very educated. Cut to your mom trying to identify the capital of California and being like, it's Wyoming. Cut to your mom counting the baubles of her wig going back and forth in the wind. Her wig is her own abacus. Of her wig going back and forth in the wind. Like, mama, tell, break, work. Her wig is her own abacus. I've been a multimillionaire for years, and how could you call me a prostitute? First, I went to college at ASU, and then I worked at Frondia, and then I had a job at a farm, and then no one cares, okay? A job at a farm.

I mean, who cares? I went to ASU! Oh, I'm college educated. I'm college educated. And of course, sweet, innocent Tamara over there. She's like, what are you guys talking about,

bot? Tamara's always the one who always opens it up to the whole table. Yeah. She's like, what are you guys talking about, bot? Of course, Tamara's always the one who always opens it up to the whole table. Yeah. What are you guys saying, bot? She's like, that girl called me a prostitute. She goes, no, no, no, that's not what she said, bot. She said you suck dick for money. Yeah.

And then Megan jumps in. Oh, yeah, I heard her. She said you're like a dick sucker for money. She's like, what? Then Megan just starts screaming and yelling as everybody is silenced and terrified. And then Kelly's like, can you imagine? You're a mom who's worked hard her whole life, and you overhear a woman saying you're a prostitute. I'm like, bitch, you're on a reality show.

You better get used to it. That's the least worst thing that's going to happen to you. Hey, Shannon, could you imagine working your whole life? Nope. Already lost me. I don't work. I don't understand. Could someone pass the sugary meat, please? I don't like these Japanese

gastropubs. Yeah, when she said, I went to college and Shannon's like, wow, what a weird thing to say. Who would bring that up? I never say something like that. And she goes, I went to college. And Shannon's like, wow, what a weird thing to say. Who would bring that up? I never say something like that. And she goes, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Well, Shannon goes, no, because what happens is she's like, that's an interesting thing to say.

And then Kelly's like, ugh. And then Shannon goes, are you going to start yelling at me again? And that's when Kelly goes, shut the fuck up. You have a freaking cut fitness is what you are and then underneath it flashes up sushi party for megan oh the timing so everyone's silent and then mega me Megan goes, You're my friend. And you just called my other friend the C word. Okay, Megan.

Great powers of deduction there. She's like, Truth. Hashtag truth. I figured it out. And Shannon got just what she wanted. So she's like, Oh, our little conversation about you believing me.

Oh, I guess that didn't happen. That's all gone now, huh? And Kelly is now sobbing and turning red. And by the way, I just want to say that Shannon was the one who first rejected. When Kelly said, fine, I believe you. And Shannon was the one who would not accept that. But now all of a sudden she's like, oh, I guess you don't believe me anymore. Well, you took it off the table, Shannon.

It's your own fault. Yes. Yeah, no. So now Kelly is, like, hysterical. And she's doing this whole thing like my daughter what did my daughter heard me call heard someone calling me a prostitute and then tamra yeah but you've said a lot of shit too and if you can shit then you could clean up shit it's like what okay take take take take defamation

she's like losing her mind the best loss was heather the best loss of mind was heather well before before heather loses her mind though that's when that's when tamra tries to like reason with kelly goes hey batch is it affecting your life and he goes yes you dumb fuck but tamra at least takes it like an adult she's like oh so now i'm a dumb fuck bitch okay whatever and by the way you are so concerned about your daughter seeing you being called a prostitute by a clearly a crazy woman like nina is a crazy woman like even her ex is like whoa nina you're so concerned about that and yet you're going around throwing the c word like i think that's more of a damning thing kelly god no kidding well she's also wasted every week she makes an ass out of herself one of the first

things she talked about on camera was having some kind of an open relationship with her husband i mean yeah look if you're so worried about any person on a reality show if you're so worried about your kids don't be on a bravo show i mean what the hell you're already show, if you're so worried about your kids, don't be on a Bravo show. I mean, what the hell? You're already a terrible parent just for being on these shows, okay? Yeah. So anyway, so now this is when Fancy Pants Heather stands up. She goes, this is not okay. This is low-base bullshit.

Says the woman who ousted somebody For eating a part of a cake ribbon Says the woman who just went on national TV To advertise she had like an anal steaming Yes But I love how Heather totally put on her mom pants And she gets in Kelly's face And goes this behavior is not acceptable Leave

This is not acceptable behavior. This is foul and vulgar. You can leave. She's like, oh, what are you, the boss? Yeah. Kelly, like, thinks about it for a second and ends, yeah, it's just, you're the boss? Not even your party. And it's like, fine.

I'll leave. Yeah, bye. Bye now, Heather, who normally adds so much fun to every occasion i would rather the screaming lady calling people to c word than listen to others vaginal steaming stories okay get out bye anal steaming yes and well it was both she's like we we got together to do a vaginal and anal steaming okay well Good luck on that not spreading. Yeah. So now Shannon decides

she's going to leave and now she hates Kelly. She's so disgusted by Kelly and Heather's kind of like yelling it up. She's like getting mad at Vicky. She's mad at Shannon. She's just mad at everyone now.

Yeah, now she's just yelling at everybody. And she's like, I have a nice husband and a nice life. And this girl, I don't want to see her ever again. And you, I love Shannon. But I told her I was disgusted by what David said. Oh, and you. When have you ever apologized to anybody, Vicky? She's like, oh, I apologize.

No, you haven't. And everybody knows it. Tamara's like, well, Jesus said. She's like oh i apologize no you haven't and everybody knows it yeah tamra's like well jesus said she's like shut up you idiot she's like oh well now you're yelling at me batch well you've yelled at me too oh no heather's losing it put heather to bed she was on the doctors today she's probably exhausted from the half an hour she had to be on tv too much work work balance is askew yeah totally so um megan is stuck talking to ryan's ex which is just painful yeah well you know people take off their shoes sometimes in japanese oh god get me out of here if i wasn't this is happening the day before i get pregnant if i wasn't getting pregnant tomorrow i would before i get pregnant if i wasn't getting pregnant

tomorrow i would walk out of here but my ankles are phantom swollen okay so now kelly is suddenly calm again and she's just trying to explain herself and then she's trying to explain herself shannon's like well did you need to call me a cunt? And then Kelly's like, no, of course not. I'm so sorry. Oh, okay. Nope, I'm sorry, but that's not how I'm sorry works. When someone says I'm sorry, you don't just pretend that sorry, that it's okay.

Actually, that's actually how it works. That's literally how it works. You're reading the instructions to the wrong game, Shannon. And Tamara's like, look, I still like her because when I look at her, I think of Simon. Like he was mean to me, bitch.

And I can see like, those are eyes of pain. And Shannon's like, oh, well, I look in her eyes and I see evil. Well, that's pain. That's the devil's work. The devil is making her eyes look pained, Shannon. No, that's not the devil's work. That's the devil's work. The devil is making her eyes look pained, Shannon. No, that's not the devil's work. That's the devil.

Why is everybody bringing up work today? That's the devil. It's the work of a gastropub dinner. That's what that's the work of, David. David. She's not mine. Here lies Kelly's eyes. Killed by the devil.

Killed by a side of Chipotle mayonnaise. Who even ordered this? David! It's the work of the devil! Killed by a lack of wine because David only bought two bottles for the dinner party. And Tamara. Tamara is killing me with this storyline. What about compassion,

bitch? Well, I've learned that if I put myself back in the line of fire from someone who's been horrible to me, I'll just get shot again. And apparently, you haven't learned that. But Jesus forgave people. He got hung on a cross!

I like how Tamara has suddenly become the moral compass of the show she's like no listen she's just in a really really shitty marriage don't you see that we all met the guy he's terrible don't we see this exactly it's just like simon it's like abusive i don't know you know how he like looks around the room all the time How he calls her a bitch Stop projecting, okay But I did like that the editors Took this as an excuse to show us Tamara flinging wine in Gina's face again

Never gets old I mean, that's why Gina wears pleather every time she comes on this show now Got my new torpon I'm gonna wear it to tonight's show Singing in the rain? Or singing on a boat? You tell me I don't know, but I'm not getting wet it to tonight's show. Singing in the rain? Or singing on a boat? You tell me. I don't know, but I'm not getting wet, that's for sure.

No, not now. Hello, David. So then Shannon and Tamara hug, and she's like, I love you, Baj. I'm sorry, Baj. I love you. And she's like, I'd do anything for you. Yeah, right. Can't wait to see these two go at it yeah

so then afterwards kelly's just making fun of heather um which was it was it was like not a very good impersonation and it was also like kind of mean-spirited so everyone's like oh this is awkward and then but heather though in the car she's just sobbing she's just sobbing and terry just goes what did she do he doesn't even know what's happening he just goes what does she do he doesn't know who she is he just knows it's a she but the things that heather is fake crying about not a single tear comes out by the way. She's like, She called Shannon a poop and then Shannon started

talking and she said, You're a dumb fuck, Tamara! Please be quiet over there. She's like, I don't want to be associated with Kelly. And it makes sense because it really could ruin her Malibu country legacy. Like, oh goodness.

She was such an important part of our show. But I don't know. She's hanging with the wrong crowd now. You never know when she's going to be passed up by a 3D dental commercial. Yeah. Dr. and Mrs. Skinny Fig. Yeah. I don't want to be associated with this area.

Yeah, the asshole interview went well today. It was great. And then Kelly, so the episode ends with Kelly saying that Heather made the whole dinner about her. By storming out, Heather made the whole dinner about her. I'm like, bitch, you not see what you just did. You just turned the whole dinner into a screaming match about Shannon's friends. You dropped the C word a few times and told people that they were dumb fucks and go fuck yourself.

What do you think you did? You made it about you. Yes. She's kind of terrible. You can't really stand up for Kelly because she's been wrong, I think, almost in every situation. Because even when she's right,

then she just compounds the situation to where you just can't stick up for her. Well, I mean, she's tacky trash and she does not know how to respond in a situation which makes her perfect for this show yes but that said heather did do that she's like you curse that is it i am out of here heather please yeah colette said that worse before worse than that before breakfast. You know it. Hey, Colette, did you eat your cereal? Ah, fuck you.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. That is it. Leave. Oh, geez. And now for the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes. All right. So that was a fun episode of orange county and new jersey um let's dive in yes so the big do you want to go how do you want to do this one do you want to just do like a regular full-on recap or just go person by person um i don't care. I could do a regular recap.

All right. So we start with Dolores. Oh, that's not Siggy. Dolores. Trey. Oh, yeah. Okay. Trey.

Oh, yeah. Well, Melissa invites Melissa. Melissa and Teresa's pact is so hilarious. And I don't buy it. I mean, I know that Melissa's gonna try but you just you're not ever gonna win with Teresa um but I like that Melissa's still such a passive aggressive bitch she's like yeah hey tree uh remember how last year my girls were asked to walk or my children were asked to walk in New York's fashion week uh they're doing it again I would like to see if you'd like to come watch them.

So passive aggressive. She could have just said, hey, my kids are going to be in Fashion Week. But the fact that she was like, hey, remember? Last year, my kids were in Fashion Week and they were invited back. I want to know if you want to watch them. Unfortunately,

you have to come with my comps because your kids who aren't in the fashion show don't automatically get comps from my kids who are in the fashion show would you like to come to the fashion show my children are in and yours aren't it's like just trying to get theresa mad is what it feels like yeah exactly so then we go to dolores and so every scene with dolores is so hard to follow because she changes this subject every two minutes It's like oh the dog the dog is sick. The dog is having kidney failure, you know boo boo has been with me for 12 years It's a great dog. He's a great dog You don't remind me of like when I had boot that was like when I had my first husband like we were married for like we

Had a great marriage, but then that fell apart then I had a fiance We're gonna move to another house I was like blue you come in the new house and we didn't go to the house I was like boo we're gonna go in so go with another house. I bought a dog house and gosh gosh You know, how hard it is to buy a dog house. Look at my purse. It's like the endless stream of nothing coming out of this lady's mouth. It's like, whoa, the dog is sick.

Okay, let's watch the kid take care of the dog. First off, for someone who's all into positive affirmations and stuff like this, Dolores, why would you name your dog Boo? Like, Boo Boo is actually a – it's like this dog's probably never been healthy in its whole life I just assumed it was a reference to Kill a Mockingbird or Super Mario Brothers

both, like still not good Halloween Halloween racial tension although one thing that Dolores said that really made me love her and she can really do anything now and i'll still always stick up for her because yeah she tells the dog he's so skinny i don't like you so skinny and i was like that is a dream mom like i'm sending her a card on

mother's day like thank you mom that's all i needed to hear and yet what i love about dolores is she's like uh boo you boo, you're so skinny. I don't like you skinny. Hey, we need to get new stone for this fireplace. We need to get some stone. This is what I need. I need you to buy me some stone. We're going to do the floors here, okay?

I need to be independent. So I want you to buy me some new stones for the house that you bought me in the first place to make it look less like that house and more like a new house that you bought me okay oh and by the way i opened up a gym yeah because i opened up a gym you know i actually have opened up six gyms before but like i was always a partner in the in the gyms but now i have my own first gym and it's like really important for me because you know you know my first husband no he has a lot of he was missing he was missing new jersey you know i'm i never was i was a detective you know back then i thought i knew all the answers i thought i knew everything but you know what i never went to school i never went to school because i wanted to raise my kids.

I thought I was doing everything right. But my first husband, oh, my God, Dolores. You stay focused. I love her train of thought is this is the first gym I've opened. Like, it's still one of his gyms. But in this one, I'm investing my own money that I got from the settlement, which is also from him. Like, you never had a job, and all your money comes from him and even when she talks about remodeling something she's like i need money for a beam i want a beam

and he and he said something he's like who cares what you think and he goes hey now don't bite the hand that feeds you she's like you're right you're right way to show him buddy and then everything stops to be like hey frankie Frankie, how are your abs doing? How's your abs? Okay, let's go see. Let's go look. It's like show and tell for the family. He lifts up his shirt.

He's got an amazing eight pack. Everyone's like, wow, Frankie, nice. Hey. And then his sister's like, hey, your nipples are pretty hard. I was like, what is going on in this family? My nipples are always hard. Yeah, and whose aren't now? Am I right, guys?

Look at those abs. Okay, family orgy time. Family orgy. Who's getting in? Do these Italian families in Jersey just not let anybody out the front door when you're growing up? Like, why do they all seem to have an indoor sex pool? It's creepy. I don't understand.

I don't like it. So Melissa is getting a fitting her family blah blah blah family blah blah blah blah blah i'm so tired i'm a small business owner it's exhausting but i don't want to let anyone know i'm tired you know you're on tv right yeah exactly oh i have i'm always so scared to push back on Teresa. I feel like I can't critique her. That's when I can critique her is when I know we're really close. Okay, we don't care. We really don't care about the status of you and Teresa.

Honestly, don't care at all. Then it's never going to happen because you know Teresa would threaten to slit the throat of a book reviewer who didn't give her a good rating. You know, like she's not ever going to take it. Suck it up. So Siggy and her kids. Is this Siggy? Yeah, Siggy, the crown jewel of the show arrives at jacqueline's place ah would you believe my daughter can you believe this my daughter it's on instagram all week we've been fighting about the instagram can i post this naked pic on

instagram no what are you nuts i don't want people double tapping my naked daughter this is crazy how do people raise babies back then huh why it's so crazy why is my daughter so obsessed with selfies where'd this come from why is she so obsessed with her looks where why is this she just wants to be out there with her looks everywhere where'd this come from says the woman just got plastic surgery and is now on a reality show okay on a show called like flicka with ciggy flicka or something yeah on flick. On Flicka Radio! So then this causes Jacqueline to reflect on how far she and Ashley have come. And Jacqueline's like,

yeah, when Ashley was younger, we were sort of like sisters, but then when I would pull rank, Ashley would get mad. I'm like, yeah, that's why you're not friends with your kids, because it confuses them, and they won't listen to you.

Well, she's liking her daughter now for the same reason that she ever got her daughter to be nice to her and that is she's got money in her bank account now so things are going great yeah okay so jack and ashley siggy blah jackie wearing toilet paper sleeves in opening i don't know why i wrote that down but i remember who's uh cheryl crow she came up with her own business a while back other than singing in opening. I don't know why I wrote that down, but I remember... Who's Sheryl Crow? She came up with her own business a while back, other than singing, and it was selling toilet

paper sleeves. Do you remember this? No. She was selling detachable sleeves that you could use as toilet paper and then save them and just wash them later to be more green. I will never forget it, because all I can think of when I see Sheryl Crow is her wiping her ass with her sleeves and then putting it in her purse and that's what i think of when i see jackie's opening okay i don't know why i don't remember that at all

well there you go oh yeah i'm looking it up it's there crow clears air about toilet paper comment oh she's oh geez okay there's a hole now all right you know what i am not even going to look i'm not even go down that google hole because it's gonna be bad so chris and jacqueline basically just talk about uh yeah because jacqueline visits him at the little colonel popcorn headquarters uh and she puts on glasses. And by the way, she looked great in glasses. She should wear them all the time. Yeah. Her like, look, I'm smart glasses.

Yeah. At least she had the self-awareness to say, I'm putting on these glasses because they make me feel smart. Because most other Bravo stars don't even admit that. They just put them on. I'm so far kind of liking her only because I feel like she's kind of falling for it with theresa like part of me feels like she really does want to make up with theresa even though she was wary at first and now she's semi following falling for it and um i'm liking watching it i do not like watch watching chris this guy is such a panderer every time he's on screen has something to do with his business and he mentions how it's all for autism every

single time I'm not buying it I don't like when people use shit like that constantly to get people to buy their stupid popcorn okay yeah it's gross look gross well he he is basically coaching Jacqueline because theresa is going to be coming over theresa and joe are coming over for dinner the next morning and chris is like okay he's like listen do me a favor don't act crazy when you see tree okay like she's under a lot of stress you know when you're under stress and how it makes you feel she's under stress too so when she says things that annoy you just remember that she's stressed right now so just don't act crazy and then you just know that like inside jacqueline said it was like she's like hearing birds tweet or whatever she's like

and chris uh chris is like well it'll be good to see joe because joe and i never had a problem we was always good friends me and joe and then never had a problem. We was always good friends, me and Joe. And then they show a clip of when they were all supposedly best friends. He's like, I'd like to give a toast to friends and steak. Steak's delicious. Okay, let's eat. Great friendship is like watching The Notebook for dudes. Yeah.

Two seconds. Let's go play poker down in your basement with that suit of armor in the background so siggy is back on the phone and guess what she's talking about ah i gotta pick up sophie from detention guess why she was on the phone again this is ridiculous like what is this what were people in the old days getting in trouble for like writing on tablets to each other like what were they trying to put their own picture on tablets and get people to double tap them this was ridiculous ah instagrams yeah and i love that she's i think she's talking to jacklyn about this and then jacklyn just i think jacklyn probably just

hangs up and so he's like i think her phone died meanwhile jacklyn is trying to find whatever follow program the daughter is using so she can get more likes on instagram yeah like complaining about somebody being obsessed with twitter and Instagram and social media. Jack's probably not your best option there. Yeah. So Siggy picks up Sophie and starts lecturing her in the car. And, you know, it's like, you know what? There were rules that came with the phone and you didn't follow the rules.

So you're going to lose your phone. Are you OK? And the kid's like, can we go to Dunkin Donuts? She's like, I'm taking your phone away. And you're thinking about Dunkin' Donuts? What's this crazy? This is madness right now. Well, she doesn't even care because I never follow through.

But that's different because now this is a new Ziggy, and the new Ziggy is going to follow through. When I say you're not going to get your phone, I mean, yes, we are going to get a donut right now together. Because you're my daughter, and I love you. Like, what am I going to do? I can't. How could I not give a donut to my daughter? She's hungry. How do I as a mother not feed my daughter who's hungry?

That's what a mother's there for, to feed her Dunkin' Donuts when she needs them. But you got to follow the rules, okay? Should I drive naked and go through stop signs? No, definitely not. The daughter's like, well, I mean, don't go through stop signs. Those are two different things. Naked signs no i mean you got to take it with reason mom okay no good advice you know

what a great what a great girl i've raised she none she understands that she's wise behind beyond her years things are about to change for you sophie hon flicker i don't know why that made me laugh so hard, but I kept telling Beeler that. I've been saying it all. Things are going to change for you. Things are going to change for you, Sophie Han Flicka. And then the piano goes dun, dun, dun,

and she starts doing her song. Things are going to change for Sophie Han Flicka. Sophie Han Flicka. Oh, wait a minute. Flicka, that's an app? Oh, God, you got Flickr. Sophie on Flickr. Oh, wait a minute. Flickr, that's an app? Oh, God, you got Flickr, too? A Flickr with Flickr. I can't take it.

You know what? I'm going to take off all my clothes and drive to the stop signs. I don't care anymore. Oh, I think my phone died. How did you start a photo sharing app when I took away your phone? Flickr, you're grounded. Fl no that's flicker that's what i said so the fashion show blah blah blah who cares melissa is dressed like a car wash she's dressed like a drive-thru car wash yeah yeah like literally if she did like a pirouette she would buff like

everything around her yes uh the only other note i wrote on this is melania cares about her hair i mean yeah yeah melania cares about her hair and makeup now the world is ending yeah because i don't um there was a nice moment because afterwards they went to dinner and joe gorga was sick and then both women were like taking his temperature. And they're like in a competitive way. But Tree's like, yeah, you got a fever. And Melissa's like, yeah, you're sick. Yeah, but he's got – I think he's – I can feel some more of the temperatures.

And he's saying, yeah, yeah, no, he's definitely sick. They're both like battling to be the caregiver. Joe's like, this is what I love. This is what I love right here. My family together. All my girls right here. All my girls. But then the son was really cute,

and he's like, I just want everyone to know I love everybody at this table. But you love me more, huh? You love me more, right? But it was the sweetest moment since Gia's song. Remember when Gia sang that song? That song didn't even rhyme, girl. It was like, mommy and daddy together forever.

I forget what it was. I just want my uncle and my mom to be nice to each other. Well, my favorite song actually is from Danielle Staub's younger daughter who did that little song. She's like, We are sisters, and we're friends to the end. We are sisters, and I love you forever. Well, that's catchier.

That's catchier, for sure. I mean, no offense, Gia, but you suck! Just kidding. So, Siggy and the... Oh, well, also this. Yeah, I get them mixed up sorry but also in that we got Teresa's Instagram memes which are hilarious yeah you know what we

should do like we're family so like we should lift each other up like we all gots to support each other cause like we're family and so like that's what you do like if you're not lifting someone up you're like putting them down you know like okay okay thanks thanks theresa i see another book on the horizon yeah so now we go to dolores's gym which actually looks like a pretty good gym and she meets with

maz the business partner and she's already like oh boo let me tell you something boo's sick i don't know what to do about it you know you know i've 12 years. Reminds me of my first husband. My first husband, we got Boo together. That was like the 90s. Now everything's different now. Now Boo's sick. I don't know what's going on. Now we got this gym. Let me tell you something. I saw the class schedule. It's hideous. I think that poor Dolores comes on and

my lungs are like, okay, I'm starving. Time for a break. And I just walk away and close the door. I don't even press pause anymore. I'm like, eh, she's got two minutes and then a commercial break. Time for a break and i just walk away and close the door like i don't even press pause anymore i'm like she's got two minutes and then a commercial break time for a smoke you be i'll be dolores on the tv and you be you going out for a smoke okay okay all right so you know boo he's sick and you know i'm i'm sad but i'm outside i just slammed the door and now quick come back in okay and there are lizards everywhere i mean like it's a desert i understand it's a desert but like i mean how many lizards can there be i mean they're

everywhere fucking lung cancer i'm gonna get lung cancer all these cigarettes i'm smoking during delores scenes and then you come back in and so the other thing about the cockies is the cocky doesn't even fit anymore okay you know what like it's like how many times can you try a cocky you know but you know what though they tried They tried. They tried their best. He's just a locksmith. He's trying his best at living. But it didn't work. So I had to go back.

So I was asking my husband, my ex, I was saying, what do you think about me being an independent woman? Would you think that's okay with me? Would you give me a budget for that? Oh, Lord. So Siggy goes to lunch with her kids I love every moment this woman is around. She's like, hey, Shashi, you want to hold my hand? You don't want to. We're seraphim.

I need seraphim. By the way, was this the same diner, the Tenafly Diner? Is this where Danielle Staub met with her hit man, Danny, back in the day? Remember that? Remember she met with Danny and they were going to put out a hit on like on what's her face manzo probably probably because it's like the only diner there because she walks in she's like okay we're gonna eat but i need seraphim where's seraphim get over here oh seraphim thank god we can order something i wouldn't order from anybody but you seraphim yeah i totally missed the seraphim part seraphim's like uh hello ma'am

she's like what do you want to talk about seraphim okay here's the topic curly or regular flies what do you think that josh is gonna choose i say curly fries for josh okay you'll have curly flies i want let him talk i know she's like josh you want curly fries you want curly fries he's like no regular fries not curly fries yeah regular want curly fries? He's like, no. Regular fries? Not curly fries? Yeah, regular fries. Regular fries? Huh. So difficult. I'm like, there's actually nothing difficult about that.

You were the one making it difficult. He just wants regular fries. The most basic fry there is. It's the exact opposite of difficult. You're so difficult. Like, this is crazy. If I knew you was going to be this difficult, I would have shoved you back in when you came out. Like, that would have actually been child rape.

But you know what? This is why I love him. He likes the simple things. He appreciates them. God bless him. God, Josh, I love him so much. Hey, Josh, take off your jacket. No.

Ah! He doesn't want to take off his jacket. Who doesn't want to take off his jacket? It's so difficult, this guy. All right, keep on your jacket. I'll take it off. No, keep it on. All right.

All right, keep it on. Keep it on. I sure don't want to take it off. You really should take it off. You know what? It's very hot in here. I don't want you to get a fever. Okay? No? Okay, keep it on. You don't want to take it off You really should take it off You know what? It's very hot in here I don't want you to get a fever Okay? No?

Okay, keep it on You know what? God bless it It's a wonderful jacket You know what? You could wear nothing You'd be so handsome You're the handsomest man

In this entire diner right now God, I love you so much I say yes He says no I say stop He says go I say go He says go

I say what? He says huh I say then Then Ah, Josh, he's so difficult He's right Then you're wrong You're left Then you're right You're up Then you're down Go, he says go. I say what? He says huh? I say then, then. Oh, Josh, he's so difficult. He's right, then you're wrong. You're left, then you're right.

You're up, then you're down. It's like a Katy Perry song. I love him so much. So difficult. Regular fries. Okay, he wants regular fries. So beautiful. So the kids really put a dagger in her heart.

Because Josh is like, we don't even feel the need to have. She goes, where's your phones? Huh? Where's your phones? And they're like, Dad, let's just use his phone. She's like, oh, yeah, your dad. What does he take care of you for five minutes? I'm your mother.

And he goes, we don't even feel the need to have the phones with Dad. That's the difference. And she's like, oh, this is upsetting to me. I mean, she's basically Linda Richmond from Coffee Talk. Yeah, she really is. Duran Duran and neither Duran nor Duran. Discuss. She's like, yes, they basically are like, well, the thing is that like when we are with you, it's like the Siggy show and we just have to sit back.

And so we just go on to our phones. Oh, dad, he actually cares about us and he listens to us. I listen. I listen all the time. Like when you said you wanted a curly fry before and I got you curly fries. I wanted regular fries, Mom. So I messed up.

I like what he says. So you know how you won't let me alone in my room? Told ya. Like she's just so afraid he's going to be masked. What are you going to get? Hairy palms?

I'm not going to do that to my son. You're my son! And that's it! he's he's he's like well dad lets me have girls over yeah no comment when dad leaves he lets me have friends and girls over okay and then he trusts me uh well he shouldn't because you just ratted him out to your mom i know so uh uh so then they decide to time siggy and they're like listen we want to talk for five minutes and you're not allowed to interrupt she's like fine fine no big deal and the daughter's like all right so first of all you're a bad mom because you don't let us do anything and she's like i got to interrupt no we're only 10 seconds in fine fine they keep talking and then finally at like

a minute 47 she's like you know? I'm bursting on the inside. I can't do this anymore. I'm like Roger Rabbit. He did only half of. You didn't finish it. I'm exploding out the back. This lady is hilarious. So then she starts crying.

She's like, they're right. I can't even listen to them. Like what I need to do is listen to my kids. Well, she starts to cry because the son says, see, this is why I can't open up to you. Because every time I try to open up to you, you just shut me down. And she's like, she's just like silent. She's like, I wish I could convey in noise the look of her face falling apart. She's like, I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to cry. That's the look on her face. Yeah. I'm just going to pull out my fan and put it in front of my face. And I may or may not be crying on the other side of it. You won't know because I've got the fan out. I like what she says. Okay.

I admit it. I'm infatuated with you. Okay? I'm infatuated. I'm infatuated with ya. Okay? I'm infatuated. I'm infatuated with both of ya. I'm infatuated with both of ya. I'll try, but I can't do five minutes, so like, maybe we'll start with a minute. Oh, good. Your curly fries arrived.

So, Teresa, Joe chases around the kids. I've never seen him run, I wrote. I think one of them stole his booze. Joe just eating ham out of the outside fridge. I love taking notes about what Joe's doing. It's always like some crazy, like, look at him. He's eating something off the bottom of his wheel. Yeah.

Is that correct? Yes. He ran over a milk carton or something. He's got nothing to do. He is in that house all day long. The Melania walking around in a fat suit. LOL. It's so funny. They all start going...

They're getting ready to go over to Jackie's house. Joe's taking some wine from the Catskills. Like, who cares? So what? Like, I made some wine in the Catskills, huh? What? What?

You care? No, you don't. I knew, because no one cares. So what? Who cares? So what? You know, what you gonna do? What you gonna do?

So they go over to Jack's, and they seem like they're doing fine. Yeah. Nicholas comes out and says hi, which is really cute. He's like hello you know it was really sweet and they and you know theresa gave him a hug and a kiss it was like a really actually very touching moment yeah joe didn't call him a retad i mean that was nice it's like it looked like things were just it was a golden path to friendship yeah and everything started starts well because um and then in the so then the men and the women split the men go off to a bar and joe starts telling some uber story he's like ah top down it's like you might drive you might be driving

my driver and they're like but in the kitchen and then yes Teresa immediately brings up well you know that day on the deck I was over there that day on the deck and then you were saying asking me the questions like the articles

in the books and like what I'm trying to say is like my real friends knew what was really going on so they didn't have to ask me questions like my real friends knew, but you didn't know. Well, so I'm actually – believe it or not, I'm actually going to defend Teresa here because she's – I mean, yeah, she does – she's stirring it a little bit. But she's like – I think she essentially says, I haven't been here since that day on the deck or reminds me of that day on the deck. that day on the deck or remind me that day on the deck and that was jacqueline's opportunity to be like well thank god those days are behind us and we're starting our friendship over right but jacqueline has such a puss on her face the entire time honestly and she's so passive

aggressive and so she responds passive aggressively i don't remember what she said how she whatever she said yeah but you were the one who told me you were putting the articles out in the first place. So that's why I was asking you about them. Right. And then they just keep on chipping at each other. But Jacqueline, I really felt like Jacqueline was taking the lead on the passive-aggressive front. I felt that way. And you know I don't like to defend Teresa, but I did feel like that.

And then ultimately, Tree then was like, fine, we're going to play dirty. So that's when she says, well, obviously there's a disconnect because my real friends knew what was going on. feel like that and then and then ultimately tree then was like fine we're gonna play dirty so that's when she says well obviously there's a disconnect because my real friends knew what was going on and that was when it was like boom like okay fine you were not my real friend yes and that's when we knew it was on and then cut to jacklyn drinking wine out of i think it was like the liberty bell there was some wine goblet that was huge and like shaped like a giant bell and she was drinking out of it getting wasted i just you know theresa brings this shit up she does but she's obviously been thinking about it and thinking about it and can't let it go like

theresa will not let it go until somebody grovels and begs for her forgiveness which jackie's not gonna do i mean jackie said that they can forget it but she's not gonna just let teresa take a free pass so teresa brings it up again to give jacqueline a chance to say and i'm so sorry which she didn't and then jacqueline when jacqueline says yeah but you were the one he told me you were putting the articles out so duh, duh. And then Tree goes, what? What? What? If I posted them, how can I say they're not true? If I was the one who posted them, then why would I say they're not true? Like Teresa.

Yeah. Teresa is so stupid. It was all stupid. But I have to say, that initial fight on that deck, I always thought was stupid. I never understood Jaclyn's motivations. It was such a stupid thing for her to be like what what's going on what is it like i see it in the tabloids and i don't understand i don't know what's going on and she was she was mad at theresa because she didn't feel looped in but it was like she basically wanted to get gossip about the situation without asking about the

gossip well actually that wasn't even about gossip because they already knew because it had been all over the papers. But that was a season where Jacqueline and Caroline had decided, fuck Teresa. She doesn't even call us anymore. She's so far up her own ass. She won't return our texts unless she's on camera, then she's being fake with us, which was true. Which was true. And I supported them turning on Teresa. which was true and i and and i i supported them turning on theresa but i still felt like again jack was trying to be the nice guy and be like i just want to know like i'm reading all this stuff and i want to know like what's going on because i'm supposed to your best friend you're

not telling me it was like such a stupid thing and theresa and then here's the thing it's so hard to take a side on these arguments because it's like two huge idiots huge idiots and jack you know jacqueline is has the mentality of a 17 year old sorry to 17 year olds but she does she's really immature for her age she always has been everything she does is immature so when you have teresa who is also you know totally passive-aggressive baiting jacqueline andeline and Jacqueline takes the bait and Jacqueline is just takes the situation and just makes it worse and worse and worse you know and I just kind of feel like I feel like Teresa is an idiot and I feel like Jacqueline her errors are more that her problems are more that she's immature and that she should be smart enough to just let it go and just move forward chris even told her he was like you're gonna hear things

just move forward yeah well she can't do it and theresa can't do it either theresa should not be bringing this shit up i mean it's like picking between dumb and dumber you can't like they're just both so stupid um and then jack comes out with all this mean shit she's like man she was in a cell all that time and all she could come up with is what a victim she is you know which is kind of true but do you know how close your ass was going to jail yourself which i like that at least theresa brought that up well she brings it up later but so in the middle of this fight tree's like yeah well my brother said our three friends wouldn't ever go against me and like he told me not to trust you so and jacklin's like uh actually i don't see him saying that and he told me not to trust you yeah so let's call him yeah which is crazy so she calls up joe gorga by the way they're both right

he did tell them both not to trust the other. Yeah, absolutely. And neither of them should trust each other. Absolutely. But it was so like, what do you think you're doing? What are you going to get out of this, Jacqueline? You are losing this right now. And of course, Joe Gorga is like, what the fuck is going on? He's like, yeah, I probably said that to you,

Jacqueline, when I was in a bad place with Teresa. And yeah, Teresa, I probably said that to you. Teresa. Yeah, well, why probably said that to you, Jacqueline, when I was in a bad place with Teresa. And yeah, Teresa, I probably said that to you. Teresa. Yeah, well, why would she be calling my brother? It's like a stranger. And like, like, she's calling my brother. Like right now she's calling my brother. Like mine.

Like it's my brother. Okay, retard. He's also a cast member on the same show as her that you're talking about right now. And so then, so then Jacqueline throws Teresa's words against her in the confessional. She's like, didn't Teresa say she wants new beginnings? Going back five years is not new beginnings. I'm like, yeah, but also holding your grudges and either. Yeah.

Well, what are you going to yell at your own face? True. Although at the same time, it's yeah. So so then tree. That's when that's when then she's like you know you're going through legal issues i never asked you a question and then jacklyn goes we didn't file a fraudulent bankruptcy like you did exactly wow which is true the stuff they are accused of is not great i mean it's not like it wasn't criminal they're accused of taking all their investment money and spending it on vacations and private

planes and shit, which is totally wrong and bogus. But they at least handled it in a way that they're not both being carted off to jail because of perjury charges on top of everything else. But then Teresa's just automatically done. She's like, ah, that girl's using

big words. Joe, let's go, Joe! I've had enough! The husband's like, oh, sees some big words uh joe let's go joe i've had enough the husband's like oh god what do the women do can i finish this bread first so then um uh and so and jacklyn's jack is like well i'm just merely stating facts and she's like you know teresa you just have to own it you just have you just have to own it and she's like i did own it and jacklyn's like well no you blamed your brother at one point and Melissa. I'm like, you are so crafty, Jacqueline, trying to turn her against her family again. She is, but she's also telling the truth.

She is. Teresa, what Jacqueline said to Teresa, I think Jacqueline's a total asshole for this. I mean, if you're going to – Jacqueline's addicted to what she has being anti-Theresa now. She's back on the show, so it proves that she didn't lose after all, because there she is with all the friends on her side. So she didn't lose, and it's emboldened her to bring all this shit up again. But I think you're right in the way that Jacqueline's at least smarter than Teresa, so it's almost more her fault because she has the intelligence not to do this. Teresa

is, you know, I think we've made this comparison before. She's like a moth when you turn on the light bulb. She just keeps running into it. You're like, don't you see? You just keep hitting your head over and over again. Yeah, and honestly, talk about owning it. You have to own it, Teresa. She went to jail. I don't think she has to own

anything. She did it. She went to jail. She was there in jail for a year. trying to get her to own up to anything is kind of like stupid at this point she's like she was forced to own up to it whether she whether she's like emotionally prepared to say she owned up to her or not it doesn't matter she went to jail just let just yeah she doesn't she certainly doesn't owe you anything over it. It feels so weird sticking up for Teresa. It feels so weird. Yeah, so Joe, they get in the car, and Teresa's like, can you believe that?

Like, she told me, like, my brother, my brother. Like, she called my brother. And he's like, look, like, so what? Who cares? Like, so it doesn't work. You know what I always say? If at first you don't succeed, fuck it. Just quit.

Like, someone else will do it. It's like, that's not a thing, Joe. Joe just switches because it's easier to just get along with Teresa. So he goes, you know what? You're right. She's a bitch. She is a bitch. She's a bitch.

I didn't think so in the beginning. But now I see. She's a bitch. Now I agree with you. She's a bitch, okay? Forget about him, hey? I love that when they left also, by the way, Jacqueline turns to Chris and goes, she had a curfew anyway.

This show is so silly. And then it ends with Tree and Joe coming home, and Tree just being like, I need to be zen! Hey Joe, you wanna do some yoga? He's like, yeah, because he thinks it's butt sex now. Stupid people. Love this show. The Housewives have all been

pretty golden this week. So the next episode we'll be talking about Real Housewives of Melbourne and New York City. Fun times. So come back for that. Thanks everybody for being with us find all our links at watch what crappins.com talk to us at facebook.com slash watch what crappins and of course all the bonus episodes and extra content uh is on patreon.com slash watch what crappins and finally

thanks to everybody over at tune in premium we hope you're enjoying the gossip shows and the podfest, LA podfest. Get your tickets and use crappins for your live streaming discount. Sweet. We love you guys. Love you, everyone. Bye, everybody. Bye. Oh, wait.

So as we finish up, I just want to mention that we had a Twitter poll after this New Jersey episode aired. And the question was, when Jacqueline had tree over for dinner on Real Hustles in New Jersey, was she A, right to call BS on tree, B, hitting below the belt, C, stuck in the past, and D, merely stating facts? So this was actually one of our closer polls. 13 percent. We had about 200 votes cast. 13% said merely stating facts. 20% said that Jacqueline was right to call BS on Tree. 28% said that she was hitting below the belt. And 39% of people who responded said that Jacqueline was stuck in the past.

So there you go. Yeah, all of those are kind of true. Yeah, all true. Yeah, you would have been right with any answer. Yeah, you know, you're right. Guess what? All of the above. You've all been tricked.

No one wins. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk to you next time. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.