Watch What Crappens - #349: Let's Talk Turkey About VPR

Episode Date: November 23, 2016

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, we must reflect on all the things we have to be thankful for: Stassi, Shannon, Vicki, Tamra, Kristen, Scheana, Bravo, TV... the list goes on. Come listen to us express our utmost gratitude to Real Housewives of Orange County and Vanderpump Rules. 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:31 - Clear the Flem 00:15:28 - Real Housewives of Orange County 01:01:40 - Vanderpump Rules Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Outro Music Watch what crap happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast, and joining me as

usual is the happy-go-lucky, lovely, ready-for-Thanksgiving Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor Podcast. Hey, Ronnie, what's up? Well, hello, everybody! Hello, hello, gobble-gobble. Gobble-gobble. Gobble-gobble, batch. Gobble-gobble, batch. Stop spreading gossip about my turkeys, batch. Yeah. Yeah.

Welcome to the show, everyone. We are recording just a few days before Thanksgiving, so we are- Can't believe it! Oh, God, the world is moving so quickly. It's almost going to be 2017. It's a whole new life. That's crazy. But you know what, though?

It's all good, because we have a lot of things to be thankful for, and especially Bravo last night because the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion and Vanderpump Rules were both so hilarious and amazing that we are just going to have a field day today on the podcast. That's for sure. They were both laugh out loud hilarious last night, both of the shows. And Real Housewives of Orange County, so fucking dark, but still. So dark. So fucking amazing. So good. Agreed.

And, you know, it's appropriate that it's happening, those shows aired before Thanksgiving, because really I think Thanksgiving is like the most appropriate holiday to describe the people on these shows. Like just the things that we eat alone. Turkeys, that describes half of them. Stuffing, it's sort of what you want to do to them. Dressing, I don't know what that has to do with it. But you know what? I was on a run there.

It seemed like... The dressing can always be better. Mashed potatoes. You know, you feel kind of like terrible about yourself after the holiday. You know, once you're done, you feel bad about yourself. You feel sloth-like.

You don't want to move. Yeah, just like a season of Real Housewives of Orange County. You feel terrible. You're fatter. But you remember it being really fun. And the whole thing ends with riots at Walmart. So it's perfect. How many families are sitting around America this Thanksgiving just saying, you know what?

I'm grateful I didn't have to go to Hawaii with a bruise on my hip in a bikini. Thanks, God, for that. Yes. Thank God. So we're only covering OC and Vanderpump Rules today. And, wow, do we have our work cut out for ourselves and this is two two fun chunky episodes um uh but how dare you how dare you ben how dare you how could you say that how could you say these things when we're so happy okay i'll be quiet so um anyway uh hey if you're new to this podcast guess what we always have a

little spiel we like to do right now where we promote all our shit all at once so um come uh go to watch for crappins.com where you can find uh links to our social media like like twitter and snapchat um go to facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins, where we have a whole community of crappiners listening. People are chiming in. We have threads that Ronnie so generously puts up every single day pertaining to the shows that are airing, and people just chime in.

People post links. People post fun stuff, memes, all this great shit. It's all on that site. It really extends the Krappens experience. Go to iTunes and subscribe to us on iTunes because the more people who subscribe, the bigger our show can get. Also, go to Patreon.com and Patreon.com forward slash watch what happens where you can support the show and get access to bonus episodes every week we just recorded a bonus episode where we recapped um marriage medicine houston which is a really fun show that is being ignored by bravo um we

also have so good so good it's really good we also do things like a monthly hangout Over Google and other things And of course we cannot let Thanksgiving go by Without saying a huge thank you To our sugar mamas Of course our super premium special Duper wonderful Madonna Hines The 60J

Madge And of course we also have Chrissy Dougherty. Yes, and Mia Hanson. Aloha. I knew. We love you, Batch. Thank you, Batches.

Also, I would like to give a very special birthday shout-out to one of our listeners who we met, Jamie. Jamie Fleischman. Do you remember meeting Jamie? Yes, I certainly do. At our events. We love you. Happy birthday, babe. Jamie Fleischman. Do you remember meeting Jamie? Yes, I certainly do. At our event. We love you. Happy birthday, babe. Jamie Fleischman, we love you. I have enjoyed getting to know you

this year and look forward to many more hangout sessions in the future. Love you, girl. Happy birthday. Whoever else has a birthday today, happy birthday to you too. My late birthday. Happy birthday. And whoever else has a birthday today, happy birthday to you too, okay? My late Grandma Sally's birthday was today.

Aw. Grandma Sally. Grandma Sally. Bless her heart. Bless that lovely Sally's heart. So anyway, so why don't we move on and instead of doing mailbag, well, today's not a mailbag day. But instead, why don't we do something else? Why don't we, in anticipation of Ladies of London coming back, why don't we... How lucky are you to have me teach you about me?

Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Oh, clear the phlegm. A segment dedicated to Caroline Fleming Instagram account. I don't know why I'm talking like my Asian laundry lady right now, but there you go. She's like, why you leave your lighter in your pan? Why? That's also your Yolanda voice, by the way.

They're very similar. Did you see that photo that photo um that uh was tweeted at us uh i think greg bennett of real house housewives of new jersey originally posted it or i mean several people did but he posted it and then it was um i believe it was sent to us by joshi geb jeb um it's basically gg hadid um on the red carpet for the amAs and then like hidden around the corner taking a picture is Yolanda it's amazing Yolanda's head is just popping out from behind the

what do you call it not the curtain but y'all know what I mean the step and repeat it's also funny looking at Gigi from the side making her stupid dead fish model face like her half mouth open like oh my god you look even dumber from the side girl uh so anyway so caroline fleming she is a cast member on ladies of london

which is one of our favorite shows of all time it's coming back next week um and she has this hilarious instagram account where she makes either really dumb observations about things that with with this like earnest open-eyed um what's i don't even know the right words to express it but she's it's like a revelation okay she's an asshole like she's a vegan asshole but you know it's on instagram basically she's pretentious but we love her so um so i saw this picture the other day and i was like oh we have to do a clear the phlegm for it it's just a picture of a bouquet of flowers on her coffee table, you know, next to some books and everything. And she goes, is there anything more lovely than being sent flowers, dot, dot, dot, just because, dot, dot. I don't know any woman or girl who doesn't love flowers.

The fields are full of gorgeous wildflowers. Go pick them and say it with flowers. Flower emoji. Who's paying her to do that? Because she's always doing something where she's getting paid by somebody. And by the way, what fields are full of gorgeous wildflowers? It's winter

in Denmark, bitch. This was sent by the 1-800 of the flowers. Flowers. Hashtag flowers. Hashtag these were sent by the 1-800 of the flowers called the flowers hashtag flowers hashtag on your phone hashtag works on the cell phone too I tried it, amazing

the Caroline Fleming picture that I picked out only has one sentence which is very rare for Caroline but I thought it was a dessert tray with raspberries on it. But it's not. It's like a cutting board with these little balls on it. And it says, I love balls.

Hot. And by the way, if these are Jub balls and she is deciding not to tag Julie on it, then that's crazy. balls and she is deciding not to tag julie on it then that's crazy these are probably like cub balls or fub balls fleming balls these are health balls but they do not have a c at the beginning so they are totally different get off my ass i'm royalty i'm so sorry for all the photographers don't they have the most wonderful taste? I have to say her most recent photo from an hour ago. Guys, this is fresh off the plumbing press. It's a photo of her taking a selfie. And she goes, I just learned how to take a selfie using the side button.

Laughing until I'm crying emoji. At Estress Fashion, grateful that your dresses go so well from day to night. And wash at 30 degrees and air dry in minutes. Just perfect. X, X. so well from day to night and wash at 30 degrees and air dry in minutes just perfect xx so two bombshell announcements on that one that was a twofer oh huge huge fleming bombshells i'm gonna read this one here oh my god she's with some guy it just says still together you know that she's happy in her life like i believe these pictures where she's happy with this guy. She's like, look, he is in my closet. Like we are both in the closet together.

They're in the closet and she's got her arms around him. And he's short, you know, he's like this little handsome guy. And she's wearing she has like a little red purse that has a picture of a lady whose eyes are covered. It's like this woman's so weird. OK, but it just says still together. Hot. covered it's like this woman's so weird okay but it just says still together hot and you know she's happy when she's making one sentence instagram post because her sign of neediness is like making a 20 hashtag five paragraph like oh the lettuce don't you feel what is more amazing and wonderful than lettuce in the springtime of the morning hashtag the sun what is so congrats girl you're getting some diok yes obviously doing you good so yes um wait i have

one more i have to do i'm so sorry one last boyfriend's gay by way. I just scrolled down. Cute. Cute and gay. Keep him. I'd say still keep him. So Caroline Fleming has, I guess, some stockings that she's selling. And she has a picture of one. And it's a picture of the box. And the box itself says, Beautiful Legs by Caroline Fleming. And then it's a picture of her, like a beautiful picture of her. I mean, because she's gorgeous, you know. And then it's like a signature. And then it's like her, it's a picture of her, like a beautiful picture of her. I mean, cause she's gorgeous,

you know? And then it's like a signature. And then it says Estelle. And then the caption says, named after one of my dearest friends, Estelle, the warmest stocking from my collection. Go to Fortex,

or beautifullegs.dk. There you go. It's actually, it's not even Estelle, it's hashtag Estelle. But I'm just saying, Estelle, you are so beautiful to me me I am naming a stocking after you The warmest stocking

In all the collection The end of the day Vagina sweat In the stocking I dedicate to my friend Hashtag Estelle What an honor. All right. Oh, Estelle.

Always was known for her swamp butt in high school. Hashtag Estelle. Hashtag swamp. Hashtag butt. Hashtag just kidding. Hashtag not. All right. Let's do that.

Clear the phlegm. What happened to the clear the phlegm part at the end? It used to go clear the phlegm. No, you would do that. It never did that. Oh, okay. I'll do it. It's always you. It's been a while, guys.

Secretly, of all the little jingles we have the closing to clear the phlegm is my favorite me too actually because it's um because it's acapella and um it also involves the background noise that's i feel like that's all you really need to work at Rolling Stone. At Rolling Stone? Music reviews. That was like your track review. Oh, I thought you were saying...

I liked it because it was acapella and it went... Oh, I thought you were saying... I was like, you know, all you need to work at Rolling Stones is to go... You're hired, Peter Travers. Pulitzer. You got a Pulitzer in the mail, sir. All right, what do you want to start with today? I honestly don't know.

I honestly... I honestly don't know. I honestly don't know. I'm fired up about both shows. Well, why don't we give Real Housewives of Orange County a proper send-off by going first? We should, because it was a crazy reunion episode. I mean, wow. Oh, also, I wanted to tell everybody I went on Jenny McCarthyny mccarthy's show this morning on sirius xm channel 109 oh nice how was it i'm forever emblazoned on channel 109 it was fun i mean i

just went on for like 10 minutes on the phone or whatever so i didn't actually get to meet her it was basically like do do do do do do do do do ron. Ronnie. Okay. Hi, this is Ronnie Caron from Watch What Crappens Live. Happens live. Crappens live. That sounds fun. So, Ronnie. You know, then we just talked about Orange County. She was super nice.

But go listen to that because I think you can listen to it on her website. It's like 10 minutes. It's like an hour into it. But sorry, because I'm going to repeat a lot of the same stuff today because we're talking about the same thing. Real Housewives of Orange County, man. Yeah. So the reunion started off with, again, the customary hubbub of everyone coming back to the couches. They were backstage.

Now they're on the couches. It doesn't really mean anything, but it gives a sense of gravity. Yeah. Kelly still has to pee in case anybody was wondering why she didn't go pee during break, no one knows, because she is a constant five-year-old. You don't tell me I went to pee. I'll pee when I want. We're taking a break. Your break.

I just went pee right now. Not. Still have to pee. Hey, guess what, guys? I don't have to pee. Not. Hey, I'm minding my P's and Q q's except i'm peeing on my q card not that is so tongue tricky for kelly yeah she would never be able to do that that's a lot of

thinking that's a lot of logic for kelly um i actually uh was kind of mad at kelly i think she did a great job at this reunion overall but for someone who's working so hard at bringing the 90s back i cannot believe she left not out that was my one dream for the season was someone to bring back not i was hoping that she would do a not like um like uh julie will be dry this on russet development when she remember when she played the blind lawyer who was not blind but maybe she was and she's like i'm pregnant but maybe she was and she's like i'm pregnant not i love a not joke yeah love it um so anyway so the reunion starts the talk of the glamour strip which i almost forgot about because ireland was such a huge thing so um they're they're reliving the the the car accident and heather's like if you look at the

video you'll see that while everyone was looking to the left i was looking to the right and all i remember is looking at the sand okay terry told me whenever you're about to be in an accident go limp and look in the direction you want the sand to exfoliate your face heather what how does this story makes no sense she's like so i went limp and i looked at the sand and then i felt sand i was like you are really a pioneer over there heather tim was like i thought i felt a body betch i was like there's a body on me and like i'm not having sex with it. That's crazy, batch. That's so funny, because before I even wreck anything, Eddie goes limp.

It's crazy. Always limp. I'm like, stopping limp, batch. Limp bitch cat. Limp bitch cat. It's my favorite band. This opening was just hilarious because andy is like wow the worst thing that's ever happened in real housewives of orange county history and it's like a quad falling over in the sand what'd you say about me while they're watching the footage kelly is just overly angry for no reason and they show her

little face in the bottom of the screen and she's just shaking her head with a scowl on her face like i cannot believe that accident and i was like oh my god she's gonna come out and yell at tamra for i thought she's gonna yell at gravity. You know what, gravity? You're a fucking asshole, gravity. Tell me about it, batch! You know, there's a reason why I never bothered to learn about you, physics, because you suck. Kelly just came

in here with anger. She was going to be pissed off no matter what anybody said. And she just kept shaking her head angrily the whole time. They would be like, here's a clip of puppies. And she's like, you're a clip of puppies. Save it, all right? Save it for your round, girl. So then, of course, really the target of this

really became Shannon and Megan and why they didn't visit. So Shannon said on her blog, well, Shannon was saying that she couldn't go visit because it was Sandy and her doctor said she couldn't go. Oh, yeah. Well, I knew Shannon wasn't going to come visit me. I knew it. That was just an excuse.

I knew she wouldn't come. She'd have some excuse. And Shannon was like, it's not an excuse. I have permanent lung damage because I have bronchitis and I've had pneumonia 25 times in the past 13 days. on cute side tactics and have had pneumonia 25 times in the past 13 days. When she said, I can't even go near a volcano, Vicky,

because I can't. I had to cancel a trip to Hawaii because of volcanic ash and I was beaten, but also volcanic ash. I almost asphyxiated when I watched Joe vs. the Volcano. I had to be walked out of the theater.

I can't even eat smoked salmon. It's so stupid. Do I want to light up a fireplace? Yes. Can I? No. How do you think I feel around Christmas time? Smoke's coming out of chimneys? I can't do that. I'll never be Santa Claus, that's for sure. Come on, baby. I can't

even say it. My lungs hurt. David? David! Why did you ruin my lungs, David? 40 to 50 punctures in my lungs. She is so ridiculous. She's like, I had it 20 million times. Pneumonia! Pneumonia! And Vicky's like, that wasn't pneumonia. ridiculous she's like i had it 20 million times pneumonia pneumonia uh and vicky's like that wasn't pneumonia vicky's like whispering off to the side everything everyone else says she

was like that wasn't pneumonia and shannon's like oh yeah well i should have brought proof okay yeah you should have yeah bring your x-rays well then you're 25 x-rays well and then and then they're like vicky's like well you went to gabbo you didn't have any problem well it's a different kind of sand you know in the desert the sands are shifting the dunes are shifting the sands in the air but like at gabbo it's just you know it's just like that just sand that's there you know it's like that's what it is and tamra's like yeah yeah batch it's like a smaller grain of sand batch it's like a small i'm like what since what are you like the sand experts what is this well we did just do a super fight where Shannon was like made of paper and she was fighting someone made of sand.

No, I don't think she fought anyone. No, it was Kim Zolciak was made of sand. And then she got, I think she was attacking Janet as a 50 Transformers of Janet. Oh, okay. Darn, I wish it tied back to this podcast because i was like of course this came down to getting beaten by sand no shannon um it was paper shannon who shoots electricity uh defeated chris chris den um who was radioactive and shooting puppies at her and we have a cliffhanger uh super fight situation where the question that we asked two weeks ago was

can Paper Shannon shooting electricity defeat Lala holding a baby and flying just a few feet above the ground? Lala's flying. I need my mama to make me fly higher. I need my mama. It's not even your name. It's not even your real wings. So Shannon basically your name uh so even your real wings um so shannon basically assures us all that her lungs are damaged by saying well i have a very respected pulmonary doctor at the hoag the very respected

hoag institute hospital that said i couldn't go vicky remember that you've been in their waiting room i believe while brooks was probably waiting by the emergency exit, faking his illness! Here lies Hoag Hospital, killed by the false lies that Vicky's downfall since said about City of Hope, which has nothing to do with Hoag, but I'm just going to bring it all together.

David? I just love the idea of shannon going on to kayak or something to get like a cheap flight and then sending the questions well how big are the grains of sand on your beach sir can't answer that ma'am i'm so sorry i'll pay full price okay so may uh and he's like and by the way i have a question why doesn't shannon just wear a mask we're just like a little mask why doesn't shannon just fucking kill herself like to walk through life like this where everything is gonna cause you to die or cause you to have a lung attack or like you have to live with hospital grade and just die already okay it's

called survival of the fittest you're obviously too weak so just asphyxiate yourself shannon david never used to have a death wish for me before but please don't kill yourself because i love you i love your crazy face okay so now we move on to hospital gate which is why didn't megan or shannon visit vicky in the hospital and then megan's like well she's doing the thing like i just didn't think it was a big deal i just didn't think it was a big deal and then they showed footage of her like getting the news and she's like what what that's crazy are you no tool like that's a big deal stupid megan that's a big deal are you no tool

i have a question this is crazy can you put on the doctor can you put on the doctor i need to find out something yes uh hello ma'am are you no tool i met our long lost sister frida in the streets of. Do you know her? You met? No. Okay. Are my babies O'Tools? So then Megan was basically saying that she's like, well, I thought that from what Heather was saying.

I thought Heather was just being dramatic. I thought this was like TV Heather. And Heather's like, what? She's like, excuse me. There's no TV Heather. There's just me and Malibu country, Heather.

And that's it. And I'm sorry. Do you know how you just made Reba McIntyre feel? I'm sorry. You have not had a guest arc with Lily Tomlin and Reba McIntyre, but that is not my problem. And by the way, let me finish. That's all she said. You're not going to finish? Oh, no, no.

That's all she said. No, I was quoting her. I was waiting. I was like, did we get cut off? No, I was quoting her because I thought was funny you know especially in light of them Saying that she always says by the way That when Megan interrupted her that she didn't say let me finish She goes by the way as if she had another point

By the way let me finish This I am This is TV Heather sitting right here I'm Heather Heather I'm just as awful in real life As I am on TV Don't accuse me of being Histrionic and kelly's like i don't even watch the history channel it's like that's out of my cable package i just watch things on amazon now so she's like how dare you i don't even care about the history

of electronics heather was like well first megan was just saying, I just thought Vicky's, like, overdramatic. So I just figured she was like, take me in the helicopter or whatever. And she's like, well, I can assure you that you can't just be histrionic and be airlifted. I'm like, yeah, you can. If you're saying you can't move your leg, they showed that clip of Vicky. And they're like, can you feel your leg? She's like, ow. Yeah, I feel it. Well, it feels dumb. I'm like,. They showed that clip of Vicky and they're like, can you feel your leg? She's like, ow. Yeah, I feel it.

Well, it feels dumb. I'm like, well, what is it, Vicky? She's like, come on. It's like I'm paralyzed. I can feel it. I can feel myself being paralyzed right now. It really hurts. When I move my legs, I can tell they're paralyzed.

Not being able to feel my legs really hurts. I'm just trying to shake out the paralysis so then megan's like well i don't visit non-friends in the hospital and then there it goes there it goes i really resent you calling me theatrical like that is probably your only friend that's ever called you theatrical you should be thanking her i know isn't that your career this is like the most support you've ever had for your stupid career so then uh megan had written in her blog that heather leaves her kids with babysitters all the time why would it have been an issue for her to leave one kid to go to the hospital and i was like that is rude well it actually is pretty rude but heather was like not having it it was like maleficent in full force how dare you when i am home i am home

okay that's my favorite other thing sure they have a nanny sometimes but when i'm there whoa i am there i'm in the house i am in the house with my kids when I'm not there. She's basically like, listen, by the way, I was just in an accident and my son was there and I'm not going to leave him with strangers, let alone Tamara Barney as his guardian. I'm sorry. No. Knowing her, she'll put him back in the dune buggy And send him down the cliff You think I'm gonna leave my son Who just witnessed a horrible tragedy Impossible death

With Tamara's mother Look what happened to Tamara She raced a car crasher So then there's like talk about Shannon and Shannon's Becomes all this like semantic stuff And Shannon's like talk about shannon and shannon's like there becomes all this like semantic stuff and shannon's like well you know just because someone goes to the er doesn't mean that i visit them they have to be admitted into the hospital and then i visit them but if they're

not admitted then i can't visit i'm sorry that is the rule emergency rooms are different okay and then vicky out of nowhere goes what did i do to shannon and megan huh oh she kind of acted well at this point i mean i know she kind of has a point but sort of not really i mean she has no part point i think i think people should just be up front just say what you said in the original scene which is i'm not friends with that bitch why am i going to go to the hospital and she's just faking it anyway which everyone knows she was and andy's like but uh what about that selfie vicky because brianna they show that clip of brianna being like well i mean i felt bad because she has in pain but it was probably a little embellished and he's like and you took a selfie and she goes well you know i was in a helicopter and i was in a neck brace and i told brianna

brianna i'm in a helicopter with a neck brace i could be dying and brianna was like you're lying or whatever so i sent her a selfie to prove that i was actually in a helicopter in a neck brace yeah like even your own daughter is like i don't believe you you had to send proof and then andy's like why did brianna need proof and she's like what what are you trying to do here andy i took a picture of myself he's like don't yell at me i'm like yes andy actually you should be yelled at because you were instigating all this fighting so sometimes it's okay if someone yells at you yeah you deserve it you should be pushed off your damn chair at every reunion yeah and then shannon's like fair and then shannon's trying to turn andy

against vicky so shannon's like she's so bossy and then it's like what oh what was that what what what was that just said that you're bossy you're telling andy what to do and how to do the job and i don't want to talk about this and you should talk about this and it's just so bossy david david and he goes well have you met have you met vicky gumbelson and she goes yeah yeah have you met vicky gumbelson for three years that's right three years that's right three years you've have you met vicky gumbelson and she goes yeah yeah have you met vicky gumbelson for three years that's right three years that's right three years you've known you've known posse guess guess what vicky gumbelson owns his show for like a decade so enjoy your three years i hope i hope you had fun it's my show and you know why because i work um so yeah this is where tamra

then starts talking about how brianna told her that um that vicky would take off her neck brace when cameras weren't on and drink wine and run around the house she said yeah but then vicky was saying that she downplayed her injury she downplayed her injuries around brianna because brianna was sick it didn't want to like take it the tension off of brianna make brianna worry i'm sure sure. I don't know. Because that's so Vicky. Yeah, I just didn't want Brianna to see that I was hurt when the cameras went off. So, you know, her illness is worse.

So I didn't want to upstage her illness. Okay, Vicky. I only want to upstage her illness on camera when everyone's watching. You know, a show day is a show day. But then, you know, at the end of the day, I got to make a Chinese chicken salad out of baddies and oranges and, you know, packaged coleslaw. So you need a show day is a show day but then you know at the end of the day i gotta make a chinese chicken salad out of baddies and oranges and you know packaged coleslaw so there you go you need a neck for that what can i tell you so then heather did something which i thought was so hilarious it was like classic heather and also like i mean heather is smart she is a really smart cookie and um she basically gets busted because um when when um during that whole time when Vicky was injured and Megan was telling people that Tamara shouldn't have been reckless.

And Heather was like, well, Megan was reckless for getting pregnant. So Heather's like, you know what? I apologize for that and I feel terrible. And you know what? I went and took you to lunch. And by the way, we handled it maturely and I told you my issues and we apologized and it was settled. And by the way, I was a really great human being about that but what i don't understand is at the end of the season when you were saying all this crappy stuff about me why you didn't come and apologize to me directly that hurt i'm like wait a second heather this is you

can't just like turn this into let let megan has to apologize to you. We're not talking about that. We're talking about the fact that you said that Megan was reckless. But she so smoothly turned it, made herself the victim in that situation. I almost had to applaud her. Always. Heather is so good at that. But also the put down. I didn't even hear it the first time when she said, well, she's reckless to get pregnant.

I mean, that's the dumbest put down ever. How is that reckless? She's literally going to a doctor to have a baby inserted into her with like pliers like that's like the least that's like the least reckless way to have a baby she's like a married woman with a professional husband in a home that she now owns with her own furniture that doesn't belong to an ex-wife how reckless who would put a baby into that situation how could you have a baby without first drawing the tree to put on your wall all i meant was that baby hadn't been in a wreck yet it hadn't gone to glamis yet it was truly reckless now when tamra starts carpooling

so then um again it was more discussion of like who would visit who whatever and then vicky heather says heather was basically like i think what bothered me the most was that on a basic human level that like you weren't there for vicky it's human to human yada yada yada and then vicky is like yeah i would you know i would drive all day even the place that i'm at right now i would drive all day to see shannon if she hurt. And Sharon's like, oh, yeah, I really believe it. And Vicky goes, yeah, get hurt and watch. Get hurt and watch. Are you threatening her with compassion?

And Sharon goes, honest to God, Vicky. Go ahead. Get hurt. Watch me. See what I do. Get hurt. Go walk into traffic. I still have your insurance premiums. Stick your finger in that light socket. Get hurt. Watch me. See what I do. Get hurt. Go walk into traffic. I still have your insurance premiums.

Get hurt. People forgot you guys were on auto pay for your insurance. So go ahead. Get hurt. I'll care. I'll send you a thank you letter. That's how much I care. And then Vicky goes, Shannon's disgusted with Vicky that she would say that.

And so Vicky goes, you know what, Shannon? It's what you do when no one's looking. Okay? That's what makes you know what shannon it's what you do when no one's looking okay that's what makes you a good person it's what you do when no one's looking i'm like what picking your nose in traffic shut up vicky you've been taking off your neck brace yeah literally yeah exactly exactly so then we had like a little montage of them all being klutzes it was like a little it was it was like a palate cleanser and they're like ha ha ha ha ha and then he's like now i want to talk about ireland and they're all like oh shit god did we already get to ireland yeah they only talked about glamis and ireland ireland started early in this show they started early so um we got to see an extended montage of basically Ireland in a nutshell.

And wow, Ireland was amazing. This was one of the most amazing Real Housewives trips of all time. I think it's up there with Scary Island at this point. You think so? Oh, yeah. Bro, I can't co-sign on that one. I didn't hate it or anything. I did love the Tamara abuse behind the bus, which she's very careful to say like 10 times in this reunion okay i just pushed

her like okay here um here's why here's why i make the case for this one for ireland okay you have um you have a a huge the the inciting incident comes from nose flicking which inherently is hilarious you have that one that one moment which they did not revisit on the reunion, where Kelly said that Heather is Jewish and therefore she'd get jokes. That's amazing. They're a huge fight. You have Tamara pushing Kelly. You have the women trying to get kelly drunk you have this whole blowout that happens in in the back of the bus um it just there

were so many great yeah that's that weird thing that happened late at night where they were fighting in the hallways i thought it was it's like a pretty well that horror movie preview of the bus trip alone is classic. Yeah. I mean, that was just a classic. And don't forget Tamara hyperventilating in the back of the bus. Oh, God. Breathe more.

Breathe different. Just breathe. Do other breathing. I don't know. Breathe out your nose. Okay, breathe out your mouth. Now your nose. I don't know.

I don't even know what to say. Just don't die, Tamara. Don't breathe too hard. Otherwise otherwise you might get bronchitis i haven't tested the sand in ireland so don't breathe too hard please don't exhale too hard because i have permanent lung damage um so so they're so they're going back to the pub and talking about how Kelly was, like, nose flicking. And basically they're saying it's Kelly's fault because when Tamara walked away, Kelly goes, keep walking. And then that's when Tamara's like, what bitch? What bitch? And then Tamara, that's when Tamara went and just told all of Kelly's secrets.

And by the way, watching this again, Kelly and Vicky were totally held – they were totally face-to-firing squad on that bus because Kelly just said everything that Vicky had said. And why did you say it was Vicky and Kelly? You just say everything, blah, blah, blah. But that's exactly what Tamara did, right? Like the moment – Oh, yeah. I didn't even tell her that you checked up on her lot to see how much i'm like oh my god yeah tamra just pulled a full kelly right with that nose like anything because tamra thought that kelly was coming for her when she said keep walking

you know well vicky and tamra that's why they're the queens of this show you know vicky is playing kelly against everybody because they had the nerve to be mean to her. So she's using Kelly as her weapon. And then Tamara is using Shannon as her weapon against Vicky and just getting her all fired up. I mean, every fight this season was caused by Tamara. Every fucking fight was Tamara going to somebody and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I just don't know what's wrong with my mouth, bitch. Like, just keep it shut. Jesus. Yeah, you're terrible. You're's wrong with my mouth, bitch. Like, I just can't keep it shut. Jesus!

Like, you're terrible. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. So, yeah. So then, you know, then they were, like, bickering about the nose flicking, etc. And then it moves on to the, like, a few days later with, like, were the women

trying to get Kelly drunk drunk and someone was like you know heather you only drink champers so why like why are you carrying around a flask full of fireball and so then heather i love this because heather's prepared for this question so she puts on her i'm so fun and fabulous voice she's like oh well i can explain this well so i got this chanel flask which i love it's so cute it's so so adorable. I'm so fun. It's like I'm fabulous. I live a fabulous life. And I thought, you know, it's tradition. We just drink Fireball all day.

Isn't it great? It's hilarious. Oh, my God. We have a history of Fireball, Andy. Isn't it fun and carefree? Like the girls, like we sip it. And I had out. It was a Chanel thing.

And then she's such an asshole. And that whole side of the couch just started there. They just had these Disney villains, especially, of course, Heather, because her eyebrows are up to her goddamn scalp by now. But she goes from that look to, oh, wasn't that fun? And then when Andy starts

questioning Shannon, Shannon's like, she goes from anger of, this woman is ruining my life, to, well, remember, Callie? Remember that time you had a cold and you said it was medication. I was just trying to give her medicine. That's how we love in my family. We just give each other medicine.

Wasn't that fun, Callie? Callie's like, yeah, bad. She literally goes, well, you know, Callie told us multiple times that tequila was an uppercut and we were just so exhausted. And, you know, we have a flight the next day. So I thought this is what we would do. I'm like, this is your first time that tequila was an uppercut and we were just so exhausted. And, you know, we have a flight the next day, so I thought this is what we would do. I'm like, this is your first time around tequila, bitch? By the way, I also loved when they showed a clip

from the end of last year's reunion when they did shots of Fireball. Because Heather was like, don't you remember we did Fireball at the end of last reunion? And they cut to Heather taking a sip. She goes... I don't know, know this is very funny um but yeah shannon i mean like shannon is such a bad bullshitter she's so bad she's like what you know we just want to have

some uppers like you know we want you know let bygones be bygones let kelly's terrible behavior let's just forget about it for one night let's have an upper and have a good time based on kelly's advice that tequila is an upper and therefore she needs to have a double. Because they were all so small. It was such a small double. Ha! It was hilarious. And Andy said, well, you can see how it maybe looked like you were.

And she goes, oh, of course, Andy. I mean, if I watched it, I would have thought the same thing, but it was innocent. It was innocent. I mean, that tiny shot. Tiny shots. Kelly, wouldn't it be funny? I mean, even David and I,

we always say, like, what are the odds that, like, twice in a season I would be in such a strange position that I'd look like I'm completely setting up Kelly Dodd. And yet in both situations, there are these crazy examples of how it was not a setup at all. It was just, you know, that one woman had a tagline where she calls people cunts. And then, you know, these shots in Ireland, you know, Ireland, you know, they don't drink in Ireland, you know, so they have these tiny shots. I don't know. It was crazy. It was crazy. It's hilarious.

I was like, ah! Ah! David! So funny! And then she said, well, she didn't have to drink them. I just ordered them to be nice if she wants to reject my kindness. And it's up to her. She didn't have to.

No one forced it down her throat. You can't just hand an alcoholic a damn bottle of wine and be like, OK, don't drink that. Yeah. Thank you. Don't complain that she has a drinking problem and then put a double shot in front of her. Yes. And Tamara apparently went on, I think, Juicy Scoop Heather show and was talking.

And of course, Tamara is such a liar, you know. But Tamara apparently was talking about how it was all in the editing. apparently was talking about how it was all in the editing and the only reason that Shannon ordered those was because the shots were small and that everybody did want drinks and they just didn't show Kelly like this is not because when they

showed it again it's no matter how it's edited together Kelly clearly says I don't want a drink and she's like well I'll take a double for her too did you make that a hundred tuple is that a number this must be working on my brain already i it feels so great to be here in ireland and be so happy happy i also thought it was funny totally caught and also then people were saying it was very much like getting

like wretched naked wasted and tamra's like she's like yeah that was like seven years ago i'm like wait a second you've spent the past half of the season saying like for seven years vicky has been doing this for seven years for years and years and years and i'm sick of it well guess what you can't just be like well that was seven years ago and then but then hold vicky accountable for her actions for seven years true and one of our listeners pointed out on ye old twitter at what crappens that um tamra says that she's been later in the episode she says well i've been with eddie seven years and she's like she just she got divorced from her she got divorced from simon seven years ago so

did they meet right after so just a reminder eddie worked with simon yeah so she already knew eddie so that was a little fishy to start with but good eye out there i love little mysteries so now we go on to david gate which is this is like the dark this is the dark part of the reunion it's like dark and uncomfortable and kind of terrible and yet I found myself laughing and I felt terrible but I was like laughing a lot um so basically

Shannon clarifies she says that she was never hit or anything and then of course it's been in the tabloid so she's like in 2003, I had an argument with my husband. There was nothing physical.

We had a verbal argument. I wanted the argument to end. So I called the cops, you know, that's what happens when you play a very vicious game of categories. That's it. So we got a little out of hand in Balderdash and I called the

cops. Big deal, Vicky. I said, when we played Balderdash, he beat me. I didn't mean physically. No, you said it wasn't nonsense. No.

Balderdash means nonsense, Vicky. What don't you get about this? So this keeps getting worse and worse. And Shannon is just getting more and more crazy. Or crazier and crazier, I guess I should say, after she goes. And Vicky's like, look, I'm good with that, but I'm just not good with you lying that your husband doesn't hurt you. I didn't say beat you. I said he hurts you.

And she's like, that is a lie. People go to jail for that, Vicky. And she goes, oh, I have proof. I have proof because you texted me and you called me with Brooks. Brooks and Michael were there when you were texting me and you were texting me pictures and I got proof and Tamara's like oh she goes I don't want to do this I don't want to ruin a family I don't want to be

the one to ruin a family and Tamara's like you wouldn't have said it you idiot and then Tamara and Vicky start screaming and Vicky's like I didn't want to say it and Tamara's like I'm a better person than you bitch I love what I love when Tamara when Tamara first piped up, Vicky just turned and goes, shut up, Tamara, you don't even know! Which is a good tagline for Tamara.

Tamara goes, I'm a better person than you, you're a dog shit, bitch! And then everybody quiets down, like, oh my god, they just called Vicky dog shit. And everyone got quiet. I was like, that's the thing that quiets down like oh my god they just called vicky dog dog shit and everyone got quiet i was like that's the thing that quiets you all down dog shit well they were but also they were like screaming at each other and like you said vicky kept them being like i don't want to talk about this i i don't want to talk about this and they're just like screaming and then andy screams he's like you guys let shannon speak and then he goes so speak as if like as if shannon has just been too meek to get to get a word in you know like so speak okay you want to speak so speak okay fine oh my god so shannon just starts going off and she's like we well me and

david were going through a hard time and we sent the kids away to have a sleepover or something and we went to dinner and then i had too much to drink i guess and then sent the kids away to have a sleepover or something, and we went to dinner. And then I had too much to drink, I guess, and then, before you know it, I'm a block away or two, and I didn't know what was happening, and David found me with rips in my pants and bloody knees, and without my purse. We were in a dark place, and

then we went home and got in a fight, and then I tried to barge through the door to get in. I'm like, Shannon, you're not helping the situation. This is not. This sounds so fishy. This is the craziest fucking story I've ever heard in my life. David locked himself in Adeline's room.

And then she started attacking David. Yeah, she tried to barge down the door to get to David. And that's how she. I'm sorry. I'm rearranging in my damn office chair. And then she was trying to knock down the door and that's how she bruised her hip and her uh her waist or her hip and her shoulder with bloody knees after this drunken night that was half blacked out i'm like you are

not for someone who's about to go on a rant about how much this hurt your children you're not helping yeah okay i mean i felt it was crazy i mean at this point i don't even know what the truth is i felt bad for her because she looked sincerely rattled to her core i mean it is like a nightmare to have someone like sort of give life to this story on tv um you know when you've got kids who can now hear it that that is like a nightmare but wow wow, Shannon, she is like, that being said, it's hard to, at this point, it's hard to know what the hell she's talking about. Because then she's like, as like her,

like the smoking gun in her case is, she's like, if a spouse is going to abuse you, he's not going to be punching the right side of my hip and the right side of my arm. Case closed. Actually, that's exactly where they would hit you because your clothes would hide it and they wouldn't go to prison have you never seen the grifters because that woman got beat with a bag of oranges okay because it doesn't leave bruises you obviously do not have lifetime shannon okay yes they would

abuse you that way i mean there's not like a rule book that they follow. I'm not saying that David's an abuser. I don't think he is. Vicky is obviously taking something and making it look horrible to get back at Shannon. Like I get that's what's going on. But Shannon, I mean, my God, like we get that Vicky's a crazy lady. But the fact that you're going into how drunk you were that you blacked out. Then you were trying to barge down a door and bruised yourself. Then she's like, and I had to go to Hawaii with a bruise on my hip and my shoulder.

Look at me in the bikini. Does this look like someone who was beat? I'm like, you're bleeding and bruised. Yeah. With a plastic smile on your face right after you found out. I mean, it doesn't look like you don't look. That's not the smile of a woman whose husband just got caught cheating either. So you're not helping yourself and you're the one who's brought yourself on this show and mortified your kids for the past three years okay you dragged your husband through the damn mud

which i'm not saying you didn't deserve it but the kids have had to deal with your crap being on tv for a long time before vicky yeah exactly i i totally agree and you know this whole argument was like pretty horrifying and at the same time like the way that vicky it was just so sort of steadfast and almost like calm about the things she was saying was like cracking me up because shannon is like losing her mind she's like you don't make allegations about illegal acts about people and vicky just be like it's not an allegation you know just like she's like just shrugs it off like yeah it's not an allegation it's like it's a fact it's a fact you know he beats you he beats you i'm like the balls on vicky are so like it was just like making me laugh because it's just it's incredible um and then uh andy goes yeah but vicky i mean there were

allegations last year that brooks hit you and she goes, oh, he just pulled my hair. I mean he just pulled my hair. It's a big deal. But then she also mentioned – but she also mentioned that – but she also goes – and I'm also not with him still. So that's true too. Well, yes, but not because of that. Like you're not with him because you got so much hate on Twitter you finally had to dump his ass. And the only reason you stayed with him that long was because you had invested in those Cadillac tees. Well, and also, well, to be fair, though,

when Shannon says you don't make allegations about illegal acts about people, that's kind of what they did to Vicky last year. I mean, say what you will, that's kind of what they did. Yeah, because they were accusing her of fraud, starting all these fake charities and stuff, which I agree with them, by the way, still. But I'm just saying,

like, turn about, like, the point is... Hypocrites the way still but i'm just saying like turn about like the point is hypocrites yeah all hypocrites yeah and vicky's like well after she says she pulled my hair sam is like he didn't beat me vicky and she goes well that's good i hope not because i talked to abused with it and i see how your husband speaks to women and that's an abusive i'm like okay so you've talked to abused women she makes it sound like she goes on the college rounds to talk to abused women i know who gonna call some insurance salesman and to talk to abused women who's never been she's like i understand what have i got my hair pulled okay tell me your story yeah that is bad not as bad as and and honestly david he got into vicky's face because she said rude things about his wife. And like he'd had it up to there. Like it's, you know, David does not read like an abuser.

But then again, you also never know. And I'm not saying that like that he does. But, you know, it's not safe to say things like he doesn't look like an abuser because you never know. But that being said, I left when Tamara then almost took a moral high road and goes, some things you just don't talk about. Like, shut up, Tamara. You're the queen of talking about all, some things you just don't talk about. I'm like, shut up, Tamara. You're the queen of talking about all the things you're not supposed to

talk about. I know. And I think that David, yeah, of course he was pissed at Vicky, but he was also very emboldened that night by his little orphan Annie wig. I mean,

that is a very empowering role. Okay. He, he took on the role. He, he became, he became Annie. Like,

have you ever met a weak person who's played Little Orphan Annie? Nope. I haven't, and I've known a lot of Annies. So then Heather starts to lecture Vicky about... I don't remember what she's lecturing Vicky about. Academy is a new

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You shouldn't have gossiped to Kelly, etc. Yeah, so finally Shannon gets up shannon's like you are horrible vicky i'll bury you and then she gets up in her awkward linen dress i was like oh no because you know that's that just put like five wrinkles on your stomach and i know you're feeling insecure right now who told you the linen was the choice to make no girl no so she like, you know, paces. I was going to say like storms off.

She didn't storm off. She like paced slowly off. She's like, how dare you? And Tamra, of course, the ever helpful Tamra, comes with her. And she's like, these women are so cruel, Tamra. She's like, yeah, she's not a nice person. She's just not nice. Says Tamara, the angel of the cast.

What would Jesus do? He would walk off too. Because Vicky's not nice. You know what Jesus would do? He would enroll in another fitness competition. Jesus would work on his glutes right now squat while you cry batch so and back on set andy is like so is that he's like so uninterested at this point he's tapping his legs are crossed he's kind of tapping his foot in the air you know he's like

so it's abuse is that the big secret vicky Vicky? And she's like, yeah, well, yeah. You know, that was the secret. And she called me a liar. And that's a lie. When she called me a liar, that was a lie. He's like, okay, we're on break. And Heather says, it's like you've been waiting to use that, Vicky. That was really low.

And whatever, whatever. So Shannon finally comes in. And Vicky and Tam, town wait what am i saying shannon comes back in and uh then tamra starts again wait what happens when they come back in i wrote vicky i said vicky when when shannon and tamra come back in vicky admits that she was wrong for telling kelly about what happened but she was like but you know i was hurt and i went to do i wanted to like i need i need to talk talk to her about how i was hurt etc and so then shannon's like she's now again losing her mind again so now she actually pulls up her photos and that's when she goes does this a woman who's been beaten up does it which oh this

is also when vicky is yelling and screaming at heather because heather was like that was low how could you vicky and you're just using kelly and vicky goes using her i said i didn't want to bring out that's what i said i didn't say it she said it and she's like going crazy and heather goes that's bullshit she goes yeah well so is you calling me a con woman i'm not a liar you like you're a bad con woman you didn't make any money off your goddamn cons but it doesn't mean that you're not a con woman it just means that you're bad at it yeah i i still think that that was mainly brooks doing doing the conning for with with the cancer situation i think that vicky just i love your kind i love your kind heart and i don't ever want to darken it but vicky started that club detox

shit before the season even was starting she was trying to promote that stuff during that season with with rex so i mean the the separate cancer charity from this season is a different thing than club detox yeah i think the thing from this season she just like i think she got i think that she's gullible i actually can see vicky falling for cons very very easily like i think that she can be duped like oh yeah like someone tells her that like you know they're sponsoring a pineapple for mayor and she's like out there putting out signs for a pineapple on people's lawns pineapple insurance pineapples are gonna change a lot of things it's change election um change baker insurance you know i don't agree on pineapple social issues but like we can't have the same people in in power

anymore we gotta have a pineapple um so they're trying to calm shannon down shannon comes back they're they're basically calming down and she's like okay i shouldn't have told kelly whatever and then uh andy keeps this shit going he's like was it just misconstrued you know and kelly goes no look i get it like vicky told me but now hearing shannon's story it totally makes sense like i understand being blackout drunk with your husband fighting like if anyone gets it kelly does you know she's like it made sense to me like it totally makes sense to me now and vicky goes yeah it makes sense in an abusive relationship you know like when you're calling and you're blackout drunk and you're bleeding. It's always your fault.

You always take the responsibility. It's your fault. That's abusive. You know. Shannon is losing her mind. But the best part is that then the attention moves back to Tamara about what Vicky was saying, like passing around rumors that Eddie was gay. And Vicky was like, you know, I that Eddie was gay. And Vicky was like, you know,

I mentioned it to Kelly and she'd already heard the rumors. She'd already heard the rumors, so it wasn't my fault. And then they're like, do you think that, like, do you think that Eddie's gay or whatever?

And she's like, no, she's like, listen, I like Eddie. And then she turns to Andy and she goes, and I like you. I like, and she was about to say gay people.

She's like, I like gay, I like Eddie. And then she turns to Andy and she goes, and I like you. I like. And she was about to say gay people. She's like, I like it. I like Eddie. And Tamara's like, oh, you like gay people, bitch? And then like. That shit was so funny. Like, is Eddie gay? And she's like, I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

I heard a quote unquote rumor. You know, quote unquote. Rumor. Quotes. In quotes. Rumor. She's like, rumor, quotes, in quotes, rumor. She's like, rumor Willis told me that. So if you have a problem, quote rumor.

And Tamara's like, you're spreading rumors! And she's like, you are! And they start screaming at each other again. And Tamara goes, shut up, old lady! Yeah. Oh, there's only four more years. You know, maybe I'm an old lady in gay years. So maybe that's something that Eddie fed her.

So crazy. So then it turns to, hey, okay, spousal abuse and con woman and fake cancer aside, Heather, do you really think that you're a puppet? And Heather's like, how dare you call me a puppet? And Kelly's like, everyone's afraid of you and like everyone has to please miss proper heather all the time and heather goes you spread propaganda and that's real control you had an agenda you got trump elected you are the alt-right you are breitbart i was like what are you talking about this is like nazi germany calm it over there i liked when ke said, you know what? The whole world hates you, Heather. And Heather's like, excuse me? I had a TV show in the year 2000,

and I had a guest arc on Malibu Country, and you don't get that by being hated. When she yells at Kelly, Kelly goes, the world loves me. The whole world loves me. At least some parts of asu do she's so childish and it's it just cracks me up that she kept her immaturity at the same very low level the whole like it was just gutter immaturity the whole time and then oddly enough and she like came out the winner in the end she totally disarmed all of them they couldn't even fight with her yeah and oddly enough she said that

she felt that she had moved forward with some of the women i was like what weird like are you dyslexic which direction is forward for you it's like i mean i apologized and they didn't accept it so i mean that's moving forward i'm like that's like literally not moving forward but thanks for saying sorry. Good luck with English next year. So then Andy attempted to do a little bit of group therapy. And he's like, so if you could have one do-over, what would it be? And Heather's like, what I said in the van ride.

And Megan was like, I would have listened to Heather about the accident. And Tamara was like, I wouldn't have pushed Kelly back. And Kelly said, I wouldn't have made the daughter comment I'm really sorry for that and Shannon's like well I wouldn't have yelled at David about his mother I mean why would I yell at David when we're in such a happy place we're so happy we're so we're so happy happy happy happy David I wouldn't have worn linen i'll tell you that much and then vicky says she regrets talking to kelly and then um well yeah you should because domestic violence is very serious vicky and she's like well so is being a gun woman they're like, okay, all right, let's just drink some fire. Group hug. That was classic.

And so ended the reunion. Oh, what an episode. What a season. Great job, Orange County. Great job, everyone. Great, great work. Really, really good season. One of the best, in my humble opinion. Let's move on to Vanderpump Rules.

Vanderpump Rules. Vanderpump rules vanderpoop drills yeah vanderpoop drools my dad had a very funny pun last night um we were talking about you know elections etc etc and i don't know somehow it came up uh about reality shows or reality star trump whatever and my dad was like they should name his reality show vander trump rules and i was like dad that is like very impressive he had a vanderpump rules joke she'd be like darling putin please be nice to people i can only give you so many warnings, Putin. You're affecting my business. Oh, Stassi.

I told you I wanted to make everything all right, not alt-right. What is wrong with you? Melania can't give up shoulder pads. Be nice to Melania. Do you mind if I call you Lan-Lan? I only like two syllable names at the moment, telling. Lon Lon. That's a piano player.

It's a pianist. Or is Long Lon? I don't know. It is. Thank you for correcting yourself, because I would have used that. I would have been like, that's a pianist. I'm trying to look all smart. Lon Lon. He's a pianist. I'm trying to look all smart. People are like, you're dumb.

Lon Lon. Lon Lon, he's a pianist named after a local area network. Also, very fast internet. So, anywho. So, it's Vanderpump Rules. And guess what? The girls, the mean girls, which consists primarily of Katie, Kristen, Stassi, Sheena, and Brittany. Although Brittany's not mean. And, you know, Sheena's, she just is a wannabe mean girl, but she hasn't really ever been truly accepted by them.

But they allow her to tag along because she's not Lala. So they all get together for brunch. And they're, like, basically katie's they're at a place called taste which is something katie doesn't have at all so you know that this is going to be a katie scene because these fuckers are smart on this show i mean the editors i only went to taste once and vivica a fox was there and uh i feel like that somehow is relevant to this scene but i don't know how we're gonna i feel like her spirit stayed there and took over Katie because Katie's one of those girls who getting engaged is like her power. Like that's what she feels her power.

She's wearing like her hair is all blowed and she's got like a full face of done makeup. And she's sitting at the head of the table like hello ladies welcome to this very important meeting i call burlap and tin intercession oh good here's her burlap gifts yeah i mean the most annoying twee obnoxious precious little invitations basically everyone got like a tin wrapped in burlap and you open up the tin and a balloon comes out and they're all given a pin and they have to like pop the balloon and inside is a message saying well you'd be my bridesmaid it was just so like so i just wanted to puke all over that restaurant uh you're paying for lunch right bitch yeah like you just spent 500 on these stupid

invitations which basically means we're gonna have to kiss your ass for the next six months. I hope you're at least planning on buying dinner, because I'm not paying for this. It makes me yearn for the modest days of Sheena's wedding planning. God, no kidding. How could you plan your wedding the same decade of my wedding? Speaking of Sheena, she then turns to Brittany, and she's like,

oh, by the way, one year. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Are you going to have prime cocktails? Brittany's like, oh my god, a 10? I'm scared, y'all. We used to do potato sack races and these things.

I'm like, no, Brittany, stupid Brittany. And then Katie's like, well, here's why you're all super important to me and why I've asked you to be my bridesmaids. Kristen, horse face number one. I'll always be your number two. Models forever. Stassi, shoulder pads.

Sheena's a dumb bitch, but whatever. Love your new blue eyes. Then this random girl. We just needed a minority in the cast. And also the big girl at the end. We have matching leopard tattoos we're leopard sisters you are such a loser i've never noticed her leopard tattoo oh i noticed it and i i i feel like you could just barely see the woman at the end of the table still trying to

scrape it off her forearm she's like this stupid goddamn leopard tattoo making me this bitch forever like the nanny twins who wants the nanny's costumes patterned on their wrists what fucking idiots so um so uh then brittany is they're asking brittany about like how are things with jacks because he's been spreading rumors about her and she's like yeah you know i got really mad at him but he's working on it and things are better now and stassi's like why don't you take his credit card number and buy whatever you want for yourself and just say thank you i'm like because he has no balance no shit and also capital one is pretty stingy about who uses the cards yeah like i think you could probably pretty much only take it to the 99 cent store and buy three things. I'm sorry. You've hit your limit.

He's like, don't worry, y'all. I was super mad at Jax and I went off on him. And then I went off on him again, lots of times. And then finally he started apologizing kind of. So I'm not going to break up with him because we already bought a lamp from the pottery barn and we've got a lease for a year. Like, oh, good reason. Yeah. So then the question is, what about Ariana?

I mean, Ariana is not a bridesmaid. What about Ariana? I'm like, I didn't realize that Katie and Ariana had a friendship that was notable, but then there was a lot of talk about it this episode. But then Katie, of course, Katie is like, well, I can'triana be my bridesmaid because she defended lala's indefensible behavior like yeah defending lala's indefensible behavior

is indefensible and like i need defense like i'm okay i need defense and she's prettier than me so yeah she's the only one that's gonna look banging in the bridesmaid's dress as I picked. So, no. Also, Stassi is wearing, the way she phrased that question, she's like, I hope I'm not overstepping a weird boundary right now. Like Ariana. I was like, shut up, Stassi. We know that you're trying to seem nice, but you may have gotten rid of your 80s Dynasty shoulder pads, but she can't let go. In this one, she had little tiny shoulder pads.

They're like little tiny. They look like those little tiny cotton eye wipe things. I was like, you can't let go. They're like Andy's mints stuffed under her blazer. I'm Stassi Carrington Schrader Jones Carnival Candleball the Third. Okay, Dynasty. I'm just, like, really hating Katie this season because, to me, she's, like, representing the worst of, like, stereotypical, like, girly shit. The stuff where people are like, girls are always tearing each other down, you know?

When people say that, it's like, that's Katie. It's people like Katie, you know? Like, the way, she is so catty. She's so clicky. She always has been, but she's always, but she's sort of meek. So she's kind of has gotten away,

got away with it. But I think now she's, now she's really in her element. She's good. She's slowly turning into a bridezilla. And it's like, I can't believe that Ariana would talk to Lala, would be friends with Lala.

I just can't be friends with her. Like, that sort of behavior, it's like i can't believe that ariana would talk to lala would be friends with lala i just can't be friends with her like that's the behavior it's just kind of like it's so middle school uh i mean if you're gonna be middle school you should just have a podcast like us but otherwise yes exactly this is like and i've said this like 10 times today already but this is definitely like high school reunion where you're worried to go because like the mean people are going to be there and your mom's like no honey just go because everybody's different now they're all adults like the prom queen's fat she had 10 children she's miserable it'll be fun and then you go and that's all true but they still all act the same like they're fat and wrinkly now but they still act like the same assholes that's this cast yeah basically and there's something about this whole ritual of sending these like overly precious uh bridesmaid invitations and gathering all these girls around that made it even more insufferable it's almost implying like look how cute we are

and we've got real friendship and this is in this suite and aren't i sweet and don't we have like real girl power and then at the same breath being like i'm not hanging with her because she talked to lala you know it's like i hate there's like there's some sort of like hypocrisy going on with it and it's like it's it's like trying to present an image of like sweetness and almost childlike innocence while at the same time just being a total catty bitch which i should actually love i you know i don't love it because katie's not ever bitchy with somebody where they fight back she's just like she's just mean and she gets everybody to exclude them she doesn't like make a fun bitchy comment and then have like a fun fight when people confront her she can't even

fight she's just like you're fucking stupid like you're you're dumb. I'm like, good one, Katie. Yeah, she's a wet rag. Sheena is another total stereotype of being a kid. She's like that kid who was, like, dating the married kid. Just kidding. But Sheena's like, I get it. But, like, I used to be, like, not want to be in this group. But then, like, I did want to be in this group. But then I was like, I used to be, like, not want to be in this group. But then, like, I did want to be in this group.

But then I was like, I didn't. And now I am. So, like, maybe Areola can, like, be one of them. You are so pathetic, Sheena. Oh, my God. You're, like, the most likable person on this cast. Why are you getting sucked in by that shoulder-pass-obsessed and her hedgehog henchmen she has no one left to be friends with if she's not with this group there's no one left in in the cat she could

be with ariana but she doesn't want to be there she sheena will always want to be with the popular girls she always will and same with lala too by the way the difference is that sheena knows how to ingratiate herself a little bit better than lala does. Well, and also Lala is so much younger. I mean, I know that we don't – this isn't like a real Housewives show. But these people – I mean, I say you're 40 at least five times every time I watch this show. I'm like, you're 40. Tins with burlap on top. You've got to be 40, lady.

Drop it. Yeah. Like at this age, you need to get married At the justice of the peace Okay I'm like just send an email You'll be my bridesmaid Send out a Twitter survey Yes or no

So meanwhile Over somewhere else Oh James walks into Sir And he sees Lala He's like oh hello And we learn that You know he's in trouble because we learned last episode that he got put into a headlock and this episode we learned he was put into a headlock

by edmund the photographer she knows she's wedding photographer yeah which i don't know why that was important to say but he's like i was on break and edmund, Sheena's wedding photographer, thought I was being rude. And so he put me in a headlock. Ho, ho, ho. Why is this important? You know, Edmund, he's so jealous. He wishes he could be a Sir DJ. Yeah, everyone's so jealous.

And James is like, I don't know how many strikes I get, but I'm from London and we don't have baseball. So that was a home run for me, Tencent Hot Dogs Diablo's Night. That was a real grand slam. And I say that without even knowing what that means. Because I've got to walk now. They just want to steal my bases. We'll call that one

Catcher Man. Catcher Man. Then he goes, what I do know is that i'm still working at certain pumps so fucking deal with it like you did not just like land a gig at coachella sir you work at a pizza oven yeah so jackson tom tom is i just i just i just want to say that we also got to before we get to jackson tom we got to see Guillermo. And Guillermo, his hairpiece needs new glue. It is like up and twisted to the right. It is all wrong.

And that Botox. Guillermo, just age. Just fucking age. You're not a woman. Age, Guillermo. Just fucking age. What are you doing to yourself? You look great, great.

But he does have a he does have a hot hot young piece with him so there you go yes he do roar that guy that guy was like so slimy too he was like some hollywood like west hollywood douchey like slick italian guy with like a mixture of pomade and 99 cent gel in his hair it's like yeah yeah it was like it was like hot euro trash it was great yes hot euro trash clearly auditioned for euros of hollywood and didn't make it this is next next big thing so jackson tom are next okay tom i mean last you know he's come on with his new um clay duval like lesbian hair which you know have your opinion about it whatever but a braid hawk tom

and the worst is that he's wearing this braid hawk and you can see that one sliver of purple or gray or whatever that he's bleached into that hair he did it to line up to go exactly down the center of his braid which means he has been planning this braid for a long time and that's so just beautiful it's perfectly tom so tom like oh wait let's measure my braid man whoa whoa hold on we need to make sure that the centimeters are right before you put the bleach in bro bro i can't believe you're trying to do the braid before the beforeaching, bro. Like, who does that, man? So, Schwartz cooks them dinner. Oh, this is...

Oh, no, it's just Jax and Tom at the bar. Yeah, they're just at the bar. They're talking about going to dinner. So they're just talking about going to dinner over at Schwartz's house, and they're talking about Edmund putting him in a headlock or whatever it's not a very important scene it's just the first time we saw the braid hog yeah it was exciting for the braid um speaking

of of uh getting an upbraiding perhaps uh lisa then goes and scolds james and lisa came in here dressed like the the uh that detective dog with the long white hair. Oh, no, no. The shaggy dog. Oh, the shaggy dog. OK, my craft. Lisa, darling, I'm taking a bite out of crime and goat cheese and bananas. Wait, is the shaggy dog a detective?

OK, it's not a detective, but she's still dressed like the shaggy dog. Yes. Okay, so Lisa comes in. Just don't flay me while I'm living so my meat will be more tender. Stop you, Lynn! So she comes in to do her weekly scolding of James, and she's like, Darling, the headlock with Edmund, it's upsetting my business it's upsetting it's it's upsetting and then james does this whole thing he's like he's like lisa you know i'm just

i'm winning right now and people don't like it and then she just goes darling you're not calvin harris right now i was like finally someone said it he's like let's face it i'm in a position that everyone wishes they were in. When a new server has to work a couple of tables and they look at me and I've got a top 100 track on iTunes. You are so amazingly sad. I want to hug you and punch you at the same time. And I like that Lisa was like, I've conducted an investigation, darling. I've talked to the staff and the witnesses.

You are the final witness. And luckily for you, it appears that Edmund was the perpetrator. Congratulations. You are free. She's like, chong chong, darling. Is that racist, Lisa? Nurse, law and order, darling. Chong chong.

Isn't that what they say, what the noise they make when they hit a home run in baseball? Chong, chong. I don't know. We don't have baseball in the UK. In the American justice system, there's assholes and the people who pay those assholes. And in the middle is the chong, chong, darling. Right. You know how trains are. Chong Chong goes to caboose.

Why you leave your gum in your pocket? I wasn't talking to you, sunny cleaner. All right. So next up is... So as soon as James gets off the hook, then Sheena walks in to be like, So James is really annoying. And I don't think I'm going to.

You know, she basically is just trying to, like, pile on and talk about how terrible James is. And Lisa's like, darling, you were once immature and insufferable, too. Don't forget about that. She's like, I know. Bye. Yeah, but you're, like, you're, like, totally rewarding as bad behavior lisa's like all right then darling lisa basically they just tell lisa come in in your shaggy dog jacket i don't care whatever you want to wear and then just sit there and text and eventually people will come over to

you and say stuff she's like all right i'll be here because every time people left she would just look at her phone like tweet tweet euline tweet dog hot dog tweet tweet tweet tweet retweet hot hot hot darling um i liked when lisa was saying uh oh wait oh no i'm so sorry the scene right after this the music was going hundred dollar bills rolling in the rolls and then they show people like bussing tables then um then katie goes up to ariana who's at the bar and uh while ariana is like talking to katie james comes over and and ariana's like so what's the deal and james is like i'm all right everything's okay so they do a high five and katie's like i don't know how i feel about ariana giving a high five to james like how could i have my bridesmaid give a high five to

james i feel good about not picking her now because she just high-fived james like how could i have my bridesmaid give a high five to james i feel good about not picking her now because she just high-fived james like how's that supposed to make me feel like how's that supposed to make me feel like that's ridiculous who does that she's an idiot but of course she's totally terrified of this girl as she should be because ariana ain't gonna take nobody's crap and she's she's just backpedaling all over the place. She's like, well, speaking of unemployed, skinny losers who will probably be fired in, like, two seconds and probably still live off their parents that rhyme with lames. It's like, yeah, that's right, darling. My boyfriend wants, like, ten groomsmen. But I'm like, no, we need to keep it small.

Because, like, what I mean is that like there's so many girls who are gonna like want dresses and I'm like oh my god like the fashion like what are we gonna do like there's only so much burlap in the world I mean blame Africa am I right you know what I'm trying to say you know and I just I don't want to put pressure on you because we're like new friends but we're like sort of not friends I mean you just high five James and that's like sort of weird and like I don't even know how to count to five and so i'm like how do i do a high five like do i do four fingers or six like is it like that and i don't want to put the pressure on me or on you for have to teach me how to give a high five to someone who's like awful so like i don't think

that like you like i don't want you to like maybe you shouldn't be like my bridesmaid yeah and ariana's just basically like so i don't have to pretend i like you and throw like 20 parties for you and spend a grand at least on you sounds good to me bitch bye so schwartz now is having dinner for the guys he's making them uh dinner and uh they're like look it's schwartz he's steak. Look, there's some shrimp cooking. And then they show a dirty carpet. Yeah. Cameraman on this show. They're like, yes, he's still a poor pig.

Okay, so the other guys wear flip-flops and come over. And Tom's like, yeah, you know, these guys, like, they just, they haze me. When I first met them, they just, like, they haze me for better or for worse, you know. So I just always wanted to get them back and he's like guys here's some pictures and he pulls out these big envelopes and there's pictures of him marinating the steaks in his butt yes he has fully put that raw meat in his ass crack and then he seared it up and made lovely looking steaks. And Tom's like, Seriously, bro? I feel pubes on my fucking throat right now.

I'm allergic to pubes. Jack's like, That's pretty good. He's like, You sort of taste like my old roommate. It's like Brittany after a long day. So Katie, Kristen, invite store. So just in case Katie could not become even more insufferable this episode, they go to a place called Cordially Invited.

Thank you for cordially inviting me to this font store because I know fonts. Seriously, I'm killing the colonel. Why don't you send your invites as t-shirts with like inspirational sayings? Why don't you send your invites as t-shirts with like inspirational sayings? So Katie is creating an invitation for the wedding. And instead of just putting out a stupid fucking card like a normal person, she's like, do you ever do anything that's more of like a keepsake, like a tea towel? Like, yeah, I'm sure all your guests want to have a little tea towel hanging around that just says Katie and Tom forever. Be there. Like you need something to symbolize cleaning up a spill this marriage is disaster already girl

yeah shut up she's like do you have do you have like garbage disposals that you can engrave our names on too we have like dog shit bags you can put our pictures on do you have any of those green bags that keep things fresh for a little bit, but they still go bad no matter what? And Stassi's like, yeah, that's actually cute-like. How about they don't buy tea towels, and how about they have their wedding on a Saturday night instead? Yeah, Katie is – well, someone pointed out on the internet, Amber, on the old Twitter, who said they can't have their wedding on a weekend night because they're waiters. They can't all get off at the restaurant that night, which is so true. That is a total waiter night to have at Wednesday.

Brain popping. My brain is popping. Katie is power tripping yes because she she realizes that she's spending money but she's gonna get a lot more in return so now she wants to have another party so she's like guys i'm having housewarming because we never like how the housewarming like you don't get a housewarming it's a rental yeah exactly well you can have a housewarming you can people have housewarmings but still it's kind of still for a present age your rental don't you dare but like when you're doing a wedding you can't do a housewarming and and uh and a wedding you can't just keep asking for presents that's basically

what she's doing it's it's too much to be one of those girls if she ever gets pregnant everybody's gonna see that and be like oh fuck yeah like now i gotta buy this bitch some more stuff she's always gonna have just like a permanent registry at like macy's you know um i think like cb2 or something she's gonna be like i'm waiting for those placemats to go that's that's a little bit too much taste for her oh okay maybe z gallery no she'll do it someplace like annoying like she'll do like tom will do something like like shave club for men like dollar shave club for men and then she'll do something like anthropology she'll do like anthropology or something okay i like that better yeah i do kind of like the idea of a cc's pizza registry i can't believe she got me a pepperoni pizza like there's a full buffet of toppings she got me pepperoni like who does that i mean at least it's unlimited and like our friendship because i saw her talking to that sausage pizza what about

so then um so then later on lisa checks in on james um at work and she's like can i smell your breath darling he's like lisa i haven't been drinking and she's like i hope this is the behavior of the real james kennedy and not and not the James Kennedy who's trying to fool me. Bad news is the James Kennedy who's trying to fool you. And you just got fooled. She's no fool, though. She walked away and she's like, keep your nose clean. I mean, the insides of it as well, James.

Oh, I didn't hear that. Stay away from Jax. She didn't say the insides. She just said, keep your nose clean. I was like, yeah, she knows your trick. He's like, I don't smell like alcohol. Too bad you can't smell the meth they're just burn my nostrils so then lala she uh she's like pulls she knows side she's like hey sheena do you have like five minutes she's like i don't know because i got like but i've got tables to clear like since when has that

ever stopped anyone at vanderpump rules from going out to the alley to talk for 35 minutes. And they showed this clip because Sheena's like, yeah, like me and Lala used to be friends. And then it shows a clip of them being friends and they're like, oh my god, I like bikinis. I do too. Oh my god! I like drinking stuff. Me too. Oh my god!

And then making out drunk. It's like the notebook. Yeah. Well well the funny thing was that when lala is trying to apologize to sheena she's like you know we were like friends for for a while there and like you know and i wanted to apologize to you because like you know like we had a friendship and and she knows saying it says like well you know she know i mean katie liked you from the beginning and you were just mean to Katie. I'm like, no. We saw that all on TV. Katie, the very first person to be nasty to Lala was Katie.

Katie was the nastiest person right from the start. And she was also one of the first who was nasty to you, by the way, Sheena. She's always nasty. But Sheena's response to her was so lame. She goes, no, because that's like my best friend over there. And when you're mean to my best friend, like you need to apologize to her because I'm not going to be someone who's like mean to like my best friend. I'm like, that is not your best friend. OK, you guys are best friend.

Yeah. Her best friend is Sarah Lee. OK. And second of all, that was rude. But I'll I'll own it. I was like, wow. OK. Yeah. I'll own it uh i was like wow okay yeah i'll own that uh and second of all she's doing everything these girls want her to do but they don't hear it

yeah so now you're about to get thrown under the bus have fun so then she goes to katie to be like lala just want like came up to me i was like i want to apologize and i was like you gotta apologize to katie first and katie's like lala i mean like i have mutual friends with some of her mutual friends and like i know shit like that doesn't even make sense mutual friends with mutual friends means mutual friends and katie goes yeah but like her behavior towards me is like unwarranted i didn't do anything to her i mean last time i even saw it was at my engagement party when she was saying that reed drunk stuff to me after i hadn't even done anything to her yeah yeah just watch just just queue up your dvr katie and you can you can

maybe maybe that'll jog your memory a little bit when katie said i prefer to make my money the old-fashioned way as opposed to putting a dick in my mouth like Lala. You know that hooking is the oldest profession in the book. That's why it's called like making money. Sucking dick is the oldest way to make money. Yeah. And by the way, you don't you don't like to make money the second old fashioned way with hard work. Because if you wanted to work hard, you'd be working for more than six hours a week for Lisa collecting raffle tickets.

hard you'd be working for more than six hours a week for lisa collecting raffle tickets so lala is telling ariana i don't i don't like her but like i have said some really fucked up shit about her and so like human being to human being i just owe this bitch an apology so they go out to the smoking dumpster which could have been the second title for this show yeah she so lala and katie katie's out there just like sulking thinking about burlap fantasies and lala goes out there and says like can i talk to you for a second and then katie's like like doesn't even respond so i was like listen i just want to apologize you know i was like really you want to apologize because i'm just sitting here reading the internet uh i'm reading on the internet that i should like maybe show my tits to my? Because I'm just sitting here reading the internet. I'm reading on the internet that I should

maybe show my tits to my boyfriend every once in a while because I'm a stupid non-milked cow. What's that about? Lala's like, oh, I was just going to say sorry about that. And Katie's like, I think this apology is fake. Even your name is fake.

And then Lala's like, well, sorry. Like, I've been called Lala ever since I was, like, two months old. So if you've got a problem with that, like, take it up with my mama, girl. Like, I miss my mama. She's like, so you can throw rocks at me, but when I retaliate. And Katie's like, rocks? I would not throw rocks. I would hot glue gun them onto a tin, and I would put invitations on them.

Okay? That is bullshit i do not throw rocks she's like yeah well you called me a whore she goes well i just call it like i see it yeah well technically what she really said was she was like katie lala said katie you're always you're throwing rocks and like like what you said like like i i know i've said she says i've thrown rocks at you and i apologize and then katie would had Katie was huffy, and then Lala was like, well, if you throw rocks at me, I'm not allowed to retaliate. And that's when Katie goes, because I called you a whore? Call it as I see it.

And then Lala goes, I mean, she's telling us. She goes, a whore is someone who sucks dick sucks many dicks for money okay i'm in a committed relationship like you're just sucking one dick for money so it's totally not being a whore yeah man i'm not a whore i'm a mistress how dare you so then katie basically won't apologize for calling lala a whore and it's funny because you know, again, Katie, I just love the way that Katie acts so, she's taking this

high ground. She's found out that Lala's sleeping with a married man. She's throwing it against Lala as if it has anything to do with Katie whatsoever. And Katie's saying, and Lala's saying, you're being like, hey, I'm sorry. I said some really shitty things. I'm trying to change. And then Katie's like, hey, I'm sorry. I said some really shitty things. I'm trying to change.

And then Katie's like, well, I never say anything shitty to you, except that I called you a whore because you are a whore. But why should I take that back? Shut up. Yeah, she's so stupid. And when she goes, well, I'm like sitting here with someone who's pretending that she doesn't have a married boyfriend. And she goes, oh, give me a break. I do not have a married boyfriend. What are you even talking about she's like oh really because you can just afford a range rover and a new face or whatever she was saying

and lala's like katie if you want you can get a range rover too the lease is like 350 a month and she's like yeah with 10 grand down you think i haven't tried to get a fucking range rover yeah katie's like yeah i know how leases work okay i'm lisa's assistant so she's like you need to have a lisa you need to have a lisa vanderpump to get a car right doesn't work for poor katie katie's like the only one in a shitty car i know and then she gets mad when lala's like oh so you're mad because you drive like a shitty corolla or something and katie's like how dare you you're a fucking idiot and she like stalks off that was a stupid dumb fucking idiot yeah that was the thing that broke her and lala's defense

was so strange she was like you know what you know who bought me this shit my mama you know who bought me no pays for my phone my mama you know who buys my food my mama so i use all my money to buy a car okay that's what it is if that makes you feel better you being in a shit car or whatever yeah i've found in your corolla and katie's like how dare you like that's so much worse than calling someone a whore i know katie is so awful i'm shut up katie so she's just she just spent this last 10 minutes calling lala a hoe and then this ad comes up because i had to watch it live this ad comes on and it's that ad that's like hoat that is so hoat they're like hoat or hot you know have you seen that commercial no there it's all these people trying to make hoat the new hot and then the next one was ho ho ho and i was like

are they putting ho ho ho ads after every scene in Vanderpump Rules on purpose? Yeah, I think so. Because that's brilliant. So when we come back from the commercial, Katie and Tom are prepping for their housewarming. And already it's like, oh, this is going to be another precious, awful party with Katie. She's sitting there, like, chopping up cheeses and stuff. And Katie now has a new new issue she's like yeah so like like lala tried to apologize to me and i was like whatever lala and then later on i

saw lala and sheena at a bar together and they were like laughing and they're like talking to each other like what the fuck are you thinking sheena shut up shut up katie so i saw them and they weren't only talking together they were drinking together and and in the same breath she says you know if you have a charcuterie platter at your party you're an adult i'm like i don't think the first sentence matches the second sentence and then they're saying that they go to the bar to take a shot and they're she's acting like she's this power adult now because she's gonna have a husband and behind them is a big dick spurting out sperm on the chalkboard and below it says boy butter like yeah you're katie yeah good job good job with your charcuterie tray you are a real adult sitting there with your with your with your penis drawings and complaining about sheena talking to lala at a bar tom tom i think speaks for every man gay or straight when he's like why do we have to throw

so many parties all we're doing is paying for other people bubba shouldn't they be paying for us he's like weddings should be crowdsourced yes like star jones um And he asked about the invites and she's like, I really want this. It's really important for people to know that I really want them to have tea towels. I don't even know what a tea towel is, to be honest. It's one of them useless towels that just hang in your kitchen. You spill something and then you use it to wipe and it's too useless to even clean up a damn spill i'm looking made out of rayon or some shit yeah stupid stupid so let's see the arrivals start happening blah blah blah so yeah sheena sheena and shea walk in and sheena's like things have been amazing with shea like we've it's been like 10 months and things are we're

happier than we ever have been and then they cut to shade being like this place is nice and they're both like sitting there like nodding like yeah i like eating cheetos out of the bowl she's like yeah it's nice it's like yeah it's nice yeah good talk hey girl hi how are you? Good. Good. Good. Good. And I also like when Sheena says, we both agree that we're happier than we've ever been. I'm like, more like you declared it and he nodded while looking off vacantly into space. The printed canvas pictures of the Sheenas on our walls have never looked happier. The other day I caught Sheena on the east wall looking at Sheena on the south wall and she was looking at her like, you got

it, girl. And she's like, yeah, I got this, girl. And they were like, long distance high fives between pretty canvases. Thanks, Edmund. Shane wanted to get his picture taken with Santa, but I was like, I'm sorry, Sheena's are on the wall. Me!

Will not do that! So, Jack's already get his picture taken with santa but i was like i'm sorry she knows her on the wall so uh jack's is already starting to think about the bachelor party he's like yeah bro we gotta get some transvestites and tom's like uh you can't say that he's like oh transgender they're like oh well he's like let's just get some drag queens i mean same thing yeah he's like all right chicks with dicks all right uh transsexuals all right uh tripod titty people he's like no bro those are all different things okay well i want to check with the dick at the at the party okay and notice that tom never said no yeah never so meanwhile at one, there were everyone sitting around. Kristen and Carter are just like making out on the couch. Oh, God. She was so forcing that on him.

And he was trying to force the closed mouth kiss. Like you could see her. Yeah, you could see her mouth trying to open his. And he's like, nope, nope. Keeping it closed. Keeping it closed. But I'm a catch. Seriously?

Seriously? You're closing the hangar, but I've got an airplane coming in to land. Seriously? Seriously? This make-out session is totally equal. Okay, like 60-40. But like, still. He's like 40% into it, so.

Counts winning! So, Stassi is looking at all the happiness around, and she knows she has to ruin it somehow. So she goes into the kitchen, and Brittany follows her in. And Brittany's like is he everything okay and saucy's like seriously who does that like i don't know what's going on with me and patrick like i'm so sad i have no one to vent to but i can vent to you she's like you can literally call me any day and tell me about something because no one talks to me at home so saucy starts to cry and then then britney like hands her she hands her like a red solo cup she's like here chug some of my vodka soda saucy sips on it like a baby she's like

out of the straw that was so funny and i would i just have to point out just for accuracy accuracy sake she did not say call me any day of the week she goes i mean stassi you should feel free to call me once a week to complain about your boyfriend i won't be annoyed i like that she put a time on it yeah i'll give you a window thursday special possibly wednesday please don't call me on a friday and not a friday and a saturday and a thursday i mean that would be annoying but you know otherwise call me Please respect my office hours. Stassi's like, my friends are too fucking happy.

Like, misery needs company. Like, my friends are happy. Gross. Stassi's such an asshole. So over at James' place, Lala comes to hang out. Lala has full-on Donald Trump face. She, the poor girl, has never been able to get the color right on her makeup, and she is fully orange.

She comes over, and they are hanging out. James is actually being pretty funny, because they were talking about how Katie's having a housewarming party, and he's like, I'll tell you what it is. It's a bunch of thems being thems, being basic, sitting on a couch, drinking wine. Jax is on his way to getting lit. Tom and Ariana are wishing they weren't

there. As he's saying this, the producers are cutting to the exact thing that james is saying i mean meanwhile it's him judging but when he opened his door to let lala and there's a huge evacuation plan signed right behind his head it's still more fun than katie's party evacuating would be more fun than that mess there at least you could run and have adrenaline but i mean that party's a fly ball if i've ever seen one which i haven't so uh lala tells him about the fight that she had with katie yeah and let's see james at one part starts to freestyle a little bit he's like oh yeah he starts to freestyle and all he goes

oh god okay he's because he said i have to i could have a party i could snap my fingers and have a party here right now but i'll have to keep myself nice and handsome and sober for lisa and she goes yeah because one day you're gonna like dj on the roof and he goes one day darling i'm gonna dj on the on a plane in the rain or a train it's insane and she's like uh all right i love how james and lala are like that weird like that weird like storyline in in an old old-timey musical about these two kids who've gone to New York City. They're going to make it big, and they're going to get through it together, huh?

But they're stuck in an apartment, and nobody will talk to them. They're stuck in some old gay guy's apartment. Doing laps with their hoverboard. James also said to us in the scene, he's like, I haven't met Lala's boyfriend, I don't know about Lala. I haven't met Lala's boyfriend. I have no idea who he is.

She won't tell me, but I'm just going to go with her on this one because let's face it, she's the only friend I've got. Yeah. That's so sweet. You should write cards. Yeah. And then Katie could buy them marked up 500% from Courageously Invited. So Jax. So meanwhile, back at the party, Jax and Peter are staring at Sheena's ass. And they're like, what happened to her ass?

It's gone. Yeah, Jax is like, what happened to her ass it's gone yeah jacks is like what happened to her ass look at that i mean she used to have them remember when she had an ass and then they show a clip in hawaii he's like whose ass is that oh my god sheena okay sheena's like what happened to his abs yeah what happened to your faces okay peter's turned into a soccer mom and jacks looks like a garbage pail kid you two should probably not be judging other people's looks okay and then um the least appetizing question of the episode comes next from katie he goes do you guys want to see my rearranging of furniture

they walk into her she goes it's industrial chic and stassi goes it's like industrial chic eclectic oh yeah you know what it is it's like wannabe urban outfitters ragtag decor that is called some plastic ass brick wall that you buy at home depot that you paste onto the wall those are not brick walls you telling me that those two moved into some loft downtown no did not happen that's not some old pasta factory that's some old damn building from the 60s that she glued some bricks on there and painted them white yeah and that and that's the thing that also annoys me it's like such an attempt to be like like cool um silver lake like was there like a record player in there i think i saw you know it was like yeah she's one of those it's like wannabe hipster but it wasn't saw, you know, it was like, yeah, she's one of those. It's like wannabe hipster,

but it wasn't like authentic hipster. So it was like half, half hipster, but it was really just kind of like sorority girl, sorority boy growing up a little bit. It was urban outfitters. It was, it was exactly.

It's urban outfitters, hipster, but not even committed. Like if they had just bought out all the inventory from urban outfitters, then it would look sort of cool, but they just sort of put some touches from urban outfitters and it just looked lame she's like yeah but my bed is over here now and now if we listen to music well you're like 12 songs from one artist it's crazy you guys

like oh my god it's confusing and then we got down to the real business which is talking about lala and then kristen going lala is like a sociopathic skank there's no other way around it she's fucking insane i'm like choice words from kristen you don't date a married man and then deny and lie uh hello you suck jackson's dick on the couch like and lied about it for a whole season who are you people do you guys not have tivos have you seen this show before and kristen actually calls lala the c word no no it was stassi oh kristen too was it kristen too i wrote kristen but who knows my notes are cray cray today i don't know one of them did if not both so in the other room sheena is telling the boys she's like you guys want to leave that, Lala's on an apology tour. And I was like, Russ, Lala, I'm friends with Katie.

And then it cuts to the other room. And Katie's like, well, Sheena had the nerve to, like, have a drink and talk. And she was laughing with Lala, too. Like, seriously? Yeah, she's like, I can't fake a smile and fake a friendship. Because I'm, like, totally authentic and real smile and fake a friendship because i'm like totally authentic and real because i'm katie i'm like shut up katie you're the exact opposite you have fake bricks on your wall shut up yeah and then this could not have been more perfectly vanderpump

rules that there's sheena in the other room defending katie and there's katie in the room tearing sheena down and then stassi i love stassi I mean such a mean girl she's like I think Sheena needs to take a second to recognize that she needs to fall in line yes she is back fall in line bitch I'm the queen here you're just our servant

yeah and she's like I couldn't even like give her a hair flip so then Sheena comes in. She's like, hey, guys, what are you guys talking about in here? And they're like, bye. So everyone, like, leaves. And then it's, like, just Katie with Sheena.

And Katie's like, by the way, we should also mention that Katie's, like, wasted. She's throwing her words. And she's like, listen, I saw you talking to Lala and being friendly with her. Like... Well, I was just just standing there and then she walked out what am I supposed to like not stand there like I'm not saying you should just like walk away immediately but I was kind of like huh

yeah well I don't need to be like I mean like walk away if I'm like standing there I don't know should I sit there next time I'll just sit down. I just, I feel like you, like, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not telling you to not be friends with Lala, because I

don't want to be that girl that says, like, you can't be friends with Lala. Good, because this is the decade of my wedding. I'm just, I'm just, I guess, I'm just, like, asking for support, and, like, I don't need to be corrected, you know? I just want support from you right now. She's such an asshole she's like i don't need my friends questioning my decisions and by you like talking to lala you're like

questioning me you're an idiot you're an asshole katie and sheena is too because she's like fine then i'll shut it down because like you're my friend like i don't need to be friends i wasn't even i was just standing okay i'll never stand again i will never stand again and but katie can't even stand behind her like um her mean girl she's like no i don't want to be that girl like you be friends with who you want to be know that like if you're gonna be friends with her like i don't know if i can be friends with you so don't be friends with her well if anybody's doubting katie's judgment at this point let's just clear it up with this line she goes i shouldn't have to explain to sheena why talking to lala is not cool i mean sheena's a smart girl so there you go

there you have it and that brings us to the end of vanderpoop drew we did it yes well everyone we hope that you have a wonderful thanksgiving happy birthday jamie again and thank you to everyone who supports us keeps our show on and going we hope everyone has a big long fun weekend get some good black friday sales and we'll talk to you all next tuesday love you guys thank you bye hey prime members you can listen to watch what happens ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com survey