Watch What Crappens - #35: The Whole Gang is Back Pt. 1
Episode Date: September 21, 2012The Whole Gang is Back Pt. 1See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy ...and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap Is, the podcast that's all about bravo, all that crap we watch on bravo.
Gosh, I'm rusty. This is Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com.
I've been gone for like a week and I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
We need to squirt some WD-40 on you.
Ugh, please do.
Loosen you up.
I need, my joints need to be relaxed.
I'm here with Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV.
Hey Ben, welcome back.
Did you party with Kelly Killoran, Ben Simone, and the Hamptons?
No, I only saw her.
Ugh, my heart is broken.
Was she wearing a floral maxi dress and gold bangles? Just say, I only saw her. Oh, my heart is broken. Was she wearing a floral
maxi dress and gold bangles?
Just say yes. Just say yes. Sure, why not?
Thank you. And a helmet, let's say that. Was she making
somebody hot? Uh, she was
making her daughter hot, because they were
both Vikings, so I guess her daughter was
biking off some calories. And they're pre-teens,
which they should really start getting hot now
while they're in their, you know, before they're
prepubescent.
They're in the hot window.
They are, they are.
We're also here with Ronnie Karam from TVgasm.com.
Hi, everybody.
Hello.
And actually, Matt and I are actually sitting next to each other today.
It's official.
We are neighbors.
You are three buildings down.
I still believe MJ from Shaz of Sunset is across the street, so I hope we have a sighting soon.
Oh, and not just MJ.
I was going to wait until later in the podcast to mention this.
Who?
You perhaps saw this week's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Yes.
And perhaps you remember there was a scene when Ashley was... What apartment building is she in?
She is in the building directly next to yours.
Shut up!
You live by Ashley?
Is she the one right next to me?
Yeah, when she showed...
You can't even just leave now. You bought it.
Was she sitting at the courtyard when she
was Facebooking or FaceTiming
with Jacqueline? She was in the courtyard of the Vantage
Apartments on Fuller. Don't be telling
my address! It's okay. No one's
coming to stalk you. Oh, I want a stalker. Except for Ashley.
I would like a stalker, except Ashley
does not want to stalk me. So, here's the thing. Between you and me, Matt, we have Ashley. Literally, I want a stalker. Except for Ashley. I would like a stalker, except Ashley does not want to stalk me.
So, here's the thing.
Between you and me, Matt,
we have Ashley.
Literally, Ashley is in between us.
Ashley is between us.
It's all Ashley sandwich.
Now, if only it was
a Lauren Manzo sandwich.
There would be more
to go around.
There'd be a lot of meat
in that sandwich.
A lot of reality stars.
And that's why
I'm a vegetarian.
Well, we actually are
almost at a reality star
maximum. Across the street, I've got MJ. I've got The Miz. You know I have a vegetarian. Well, we actually are almost at a reality star maximum.
Across the street, I've got MJ.
I've got The Miz.
You know I have a crush on The Miz.
Well, he's across the street.
We have Ashley up the street.
And also, Suga from Survivor is somewhere up the block.
Oh, really?
And Evil Dick used to live on the other side of you, but he's gone.
This is too much.
Ronnie, when are you going to move onto the block?
You guys, that's a lot of mediocrity in one neighborhood.
Well, you could come and add to it.
You could be the rose to our Mary and Sandro.
I will get you a milk crate, girl.
That's like 90200000000.
I also forgot to mention that at the other end of the block,
if you head the other direction,
that's where the Los Angeles arsonist used to live before he was put in jail.
I'm glad I left the glamorousness of Larchmont Village for the ghetto of Hollywood.
I've really moved on up.
Well, I want to reassure the listeners that you're not at the ghetto of iTunes right now.
We are going to talk about Bravo.
In fact, we have so many... Yeah, you we are not just about who we live around okay it's like actually we all live around in inside of our tvs but it does help it does help the fact
that we do we can spy on ashley and then we can go to sir and you know see lisa vanderpump i mean
we're just we're bringing it to the listeners.
You know, I actually would say that we're probably the only podcast about reality TV and or Bravo that has such close access to the Bravo celebrities on a consistent basis.
Exactly.
Unlike a few of our competition, our competitors out there.
Yeah.
That don't live in Los Angeles.
Girl, in this town, all you have to do is go to the Abbey, the big gay bar, on a Saturday night
and you'll see half of Bravo there.
You couldn't catch me dead there. Well, literally, you're not allowed back, right? town, all you have to do is go to the Abbey, the big gay bar, on a Saturday night, and you'll see half of what we're doing. You couldn't catch me dead there.
Well, literally, you're not allowed back, right?
Oh, I do.
That is true.
I might have a wanted poster on the sign.
Anyway, we need to mention this quickly, where you can find us all at Twitter, and then we need to jump into this.
Ben, you can find at B-Side Blog.
Ronnie, you can find at TVGasm.
And me, Matt, you can find me at Life on the M-List.
Don't forget to follow us on Twitter,
also at WhatCrappens,
and download us on iTunes.
We are there every single week.
Maybe we're going to be there twice a week
because we have so much shit to talk about,
and don't forget to leave comments for us.
Yeah, that was, you know,
that was almost, that felt like a novel of information,
and speaking of novels and books,
I should mention A audible.com.
Audible.com
is a great place to go download
your audiobooks.
Ronnie had a good point. Why should anybody
in this day and age read?
What is the point of reading?
Reading is for nerds, you guys. Be cool and listen to a book.
Be cool, watch TV, and then listen to a book.
Listen to a book. When you're done, listen to the podcast,
start up a book in your ears, and get that book from audible.com.
Yeah, why not?
Do we have a promo code for them or not?
I don't remember.
We don't.
We don't.
Yeah, it's audible.com forward slash bravo.
There we go.
Oh, I lied.
I'm a liar.
So everyone do that from audible.
Okay, so now let's talk about what we're going to talk about today, which is so much.
We have a huge amount of gossip, and then we have a ridiculous amount of TV.
Can I just say that The Real Housewives of New York City kind of got to be amazing, one of the best seasons ever?
Yes, but before you get there, let's just tell the listeners what we're going to be covering.
Real Housewives of New York City. Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Real Housewives of Miami.
Boo.
Don't boo it.
I was okay with it.
I don't dare you.
That's Miami.
Okay, okay.
How could you say that?
And what else?
And Gigi.
And Gallery Girls.
Gigi.
Featuring Maggie Schaefer, who I had cocktails with when I was in New York, and we will talk
about that when we get to that.
Ronnie, how fucking fancy is Ben? He's hanging out
with Kelly, Killer, and Ben Simone, baby-talking
Maggie, and you and I are just, like,
rotting on your couch last week.
Because Ben is so much better at being
fake than I am.
I can't go have lunch, because the whole time
she'd be like, remember how you're always
calling me, you say I have daddy issues
because I'm always playing with my hair, you think I've been abused?
That's really not nice. And I'll be'll be like yeah but you play with your hair
too much stop playing with your hair okay well before because we know that you're the mean one
here um that's not true i'm the mean one but before we before we get into the gossip why don't
you just tell jill zarin how you really feel about her oh hey um jill zarin i hope you're listening
to this shut up jill zarin okay now Okay, now we can move on to gossip.
By the way, when I was...
We've got so much going on this week.
There's so much Housewives, so much Gallery Girls.
So what I basically did was just
pulled up a couple of my favorite Housewives sites.
Those stupid Housewives who I love.
We do love them.
And I did a new search on Housewives
and then I just brought up
a Zulia search
on Housewives. So I'm just
going to go over headlines
and you guys make short comments
and we'll move on to the shows later.
The most important thing, obviously, Alexis
Bellino not coming back to
Orange County. What do you guys think?
Tears everywhere. I'm devastated. She was the greatest
comic relief, unintentional, in
years. Heather needs a fucking
Jesus Juggs punching bag,
and I don't know what they're going to do without her.
And, are we ever going to get to see
this trampoline park? Because that needs
its own show. I think that this Bravo
was going to be funding that trampoline park, and now
I think that they're going to have to move into
a smaller house with perhaps,
you know, maybe they can
live in Laurie Waring's guest house, or maybe
they can, you know, shack up with Tammy Knickerbaring's guest house, or maybe they can shack up with Tammy
Knickerbocker. Or they're going to be living in rental
cars. Listen, we've seen that trampoline
park. It's called her chest.
Hey-o! It's bouncy.
The rumor is that she's quitting,
and not only is she quitting, she is
suing Tamara for calling
her Jesus chest. Okay, well that
her quitting sounds like Sheree Whitfield
quitting Atlanta, a.k.a. bitch got fired. Okay, well, her quitting sounds like Sheree Whitfield quitting Atlanta,
a.k.a. bitch got fired.
Well, I love the idea that Alexis is suing Tamara
about being called Jesus Juggs.
What's going to be the basis of her case?
That her breasts are not actual, physical jugs of water?
I mean, I don't understand how she has a leg to stand on.
I would like to be on that jury.
Oh, I would love it.
You know that...
I can only imagine what sort of lawyer they'll hire.
It'll probably be Dr. Booty.
Dr. Booty, yes.
Second profession when he's not teaching nurses in hot pants how to exercise.
Okay, the next piece of gossip is speaking of Sharae, Ms. Sharae Whitfield.
Sharae has one-upped Nene Leakes.
She is not going to be in a TV show.
She's going to be in a film.
What?
Is Tyler Perry behind this film?
Is it a Madea flick, and is she playing a man
with a dick because she has one?
She is going to be...
That's how she got in the role.
Huge, huge, huge film,
you guys, called Scary Movie 5.
Oh my god, I love that.
Actually, this is one-ing up NeNe Leakes.
Oh my god, we are going opening night to the arc light
having cocktails and getting wasted for this.
Who was the genius who decided to cast Sharae
in Scary Movie 5?
She kind of looked like that mask.
That is brilliant.
Here's the thing, though.
You get all the way down to the bottom of the story
and it says
it's not a big role. Sheree wouldn't have
any lines and her name wouldn't be in the credits.
It's like Marla Maples
in Executive Decision.
I'm making that reference.
Wow. Wow. Is that the one
with Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal
and then there's a plane that attaches and they have to
transfer some gas? Yeah.
And there was some press because Marla Maples was in it and then there's like a plane that attaches and they have to like transfer some gas yeah and there was some press because marla maples was in it and then she had maybe one line at most she was like a
flight attendant i was so pumped okay well we're going to see she by shiree will she be wearing
she by shiree in the film i bet that's part of the contract well you know that shiree was like
in a pizza shop getting a slice while they were filming and like out of press releases she's
gonna be in a movie i thought there already was a scary movie five but you know i stopped paying attention to that
franchise a while ago ronnie i don't know if you have this down but um did you guys see the pictures
this week that were released all the girls from the new cast of atlanta with the two new women
were out in la and everybody was supporting nini on the set of her new show the new normal on nbc
and we officially got to see the two women.
Bravo hasn't put out a press release yet,
but the two women's names are out there floating around,
and it seemed like everybody was playing along really nicely on set.
I mean, Candy's there, Phaedra's there,
and they're all smiling and hugging with Nene.
Kim wasn't there, though.
Kim was not there.
That's quite funny.
Right after Nene had some quote about how no one supports her on that show
and no one's really happy
for her even though they said they're
happy for her she doesn't believe them the only one she
believes is the one who's always
up her ass what's that chick's name?
Cynthia
with a very successful modeling career
I'm surprised she had time
away from the Bailey agency to go
to Los Angeles. It's true. The Bailey agency
has a line of three people wrapped around
the block. That's like a
Greyhound bus model.
Sidebar on Nini on The New Normal.
I have to say that I've hated Nini
for the past two seasons on Atlanta.
I love her on The New Normal. I think The New
Normal is amazing and she is hilarious.
Did we watch the same sitcom? I watched the first
like 10 or 15 minutes of it today.
The second and the third episode are
way better than the pilot. It was so
awful and the directing was
so bad. It's a pilot. Pilots always
kind of suck. That's true
but it was so beyond
sucking that I
just, I can't even deal. Did you not enjoy
watching Nini spar with
what's that blonde evil lady?
Ellen Barkin.
Yeah, Ellen Barkin.
I didn't even get to where Nini was on.
Oh my god, never mind.
Move on, Ronnie.
They went to an outlet center and I was like, the writing is so awful.
And I know this is what's-his-face from Glee.
That wasn't even the pilot.
That was the third episode.
Please.
You're so behind.
I don't even know what I'm watching.
Or fast forwarded.
Ronnie, what's-
Okay, so you guys know that Kim Sulciak had her baby and that she needed cash, right? I know where you're going. You know what I'm saying. Or fast forwarded. Ronnie, what's next? So you guys know that Kim Zolciak had her baby and that she needed cash, right?
I know where you're going. You know what I'm saying.
What were you going to say? He was going to say
well if that was actually the third episode, not the pilot
Matt, you're extra fucked up because if that
is that shitty. Oh, because you
can watch that much bad. Anyway,
were you just talking about Kim Zolciak putting
her baby cash with a dollar sign out
the pictures today? Yes, what the hell?
She got paid money. All those girls get
paid money. They're not getting paid the two...
That's why his name is Cash. She's just holding him out
a bus window, like, trying to get his picture
taken and just has a
bucket behind the bus just collecting
money as she goes down the street. I actually think
she probably only got, like, 50 Gs. I mean, back
in the day, people were getting, like, 2, 3,
4 million, but now it's like she and Teresa
Giudice will do anything for 40 or 50 grand. And I kind or 50 grand and i just think it's hilarious that she names her baby cash
it's like name your baby my retirement fund you know well look i mean her her previous children's
name are like brielle i mean it doesn't get much more white trash than that sorry brielle see i
i secretly like the name brielle i'm just putting it out there well it's nice and a white trashy
sort of way at least you didn't name brielle i refuse to die pennil there. Well, it's nice in a white, trashy sort of way. Oh, yeah. Brielle! At least you didn't name Brielle.
I refuse to die penniless.
That's true.
You know?
It's like, name your baby Cash.
Come on.
The scary thing, though, is Kim said that Kroy wants her to have an entire football team
worth of children, and if she keeps popping out more babies, she's going to be spending
more money on their clothes and not on her jewelry and wigs and cigarettes.
Her vagina is going to be wider than a field goal.
That's what I would go with. She's going to be like the alien
from the movie Alien that just like
drops big giant slimy eggs on her.
I think we have a little bit of a different
audience listening to us right now.
I think they prefer Sex and the City 2.
Well,
those are like aliens also. Those are
aliens, that is true.
Jessica Parker's hands.
Adrienne Maloof got temporary custody because Paul Those are like aliens also. Those are aliens. That is true. They're just like a Parker's hands. It is.
Adrienne Maloof got temporary custody because Paul apparently choked and abused their children.
Oh.
I don't buy it for a second.
I do not believe that.
I don't believe that.
I'm invited to an event.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just want to say real quick.
Someone tweeted me a request to make a GIF of the first episode of this show where they showed Adrienne in her karate
class or whatever, kicking people's asses.
Does she still have tinsel in her hair?
Because that takes away all of your badass skills.
Anywho,
I got invited to an Adrienne Maloof party
tomorrow night. I don't think it's at her manse
and I secretly want to go, but I also
secretly want to burn it down because I'm Team Vanderpump.
Why would you not go?
Because I have a date.
Oh!
RSVP and say Ronnie and Ben
will be coming instead?
Ben gets no more treats after this vacay, okay?
Ever. I have dockers.
I can iron that shit. I don't always walk around
in sweatpants.
Excuse me, do you have stain-resistant dockers?
No, I don't. You're right, I don't. I would have to go to Ross
before I went. Are they pleated or flat front?
You got, no, I really don't
have them. I don't have any,
I have sweatpants, that's pretty much it, because I've gained so much
weight I can't fit in anything. Oh, shut up.
I, I, just, you know,
I had a lot of bad eating when I was
out east, and I, at this point, I'm prepared to just
wear a garbage bag around my waist,
like an old-fashioned hobo.
This is a Jewish year. You're supposed to celebrate.
What the hell am I celebrating? Nothing.
Yeah, did you have a good Rosh Hashanah sidebar?
Another year that I'm alone.
My Rosh Hashanah
was lovely. Thank you very much. Your Instagram
photo of the spread was amazing.
All that was on the table was challah.
Well, I missed carbohydrates,
and I would really like to eat some challah. I was drooling looking at that photo. table was challah. Well, I missed carbohydrates and I would really like to eat some challah.
I was drooling looking at that photo.
Nothing but challah!
Challah for Heather.
All right.
She ran and ate and drank into my Jesus.
Ronnie, what other fucking gossip do you have?
Because we have to talk about these shows.
The Manzo brothers,
fresh off their success with BLK,
by the way, are opening up a restaurant.
Did you guys hear about that? I did. Fresh of the non-event success with BLK, by the way, are opening up a restaurant. Did you guys hear about that?
I did.
Fresh of the non-event that was BLK.
Okay, what would be the name of their restaurant, you guys?
Two guys, a girl, and a fat bitch mom.
I was going to say something not as funny, so I'm not going to bother.
Something with mooks and, I don't know, grease.
Wait, where's their apartment?
Hoboken.
Hoboken.
Be like something about like two meatballs.
And I don't know why it has to start with two.
It has to start with two things and a something.
Meatballs.
Almost balls.
Whatever that.
Did you guys ever see that reality show?
Like America's Next Great Chain Restaurant. I watched like Omelette Balls, whatever that... Did you guys ever see that reality show, like America's Next Great Chain Restaurant?
I watched like five seconds of it.
Some Italian guy was like, mine is called Mom's Bulls, and it's all about my mom's meatballs.
And they're like, yeah, that's probably not a winning name. I just don't trust these guys, these idiots, with any sort of business enterprise.
After seeing their trip to that food convention...
After seeing their disgusting food spread
at the brunch this week,
I don't want to eat anything
that their dirty, grubby hands have touched.
Yeah, I mean, the one saving grace for them
is that their parents have been in the restaurant industry
for several years.
I'm rolling...
You guys can't see me right now,
but I'm rolling my eyes at what Ben just said
because it's like,
I don't want to eat
their nasty pasta
what do they know
about making pasta sauce
they're only 1 16th Italian
they're gonna be serving
fish sticks
with peach sauce
and
in a calzone
I love that
I love that these assholes
especially Caroline
who is just
has a stick up her ass
all season
is making fun
of Teresa
and her fabulinis and shit
and then all she's doing, really, is pimping her
fucking children on this show so that they can go out and sell
their own shit products. Fuck you.
I know. The best part was when she was talking about
how her children... You know, everyone says that
her kids are spoiled, but her kids work
for a living. And then they show clips
of her just handing her kids businesses.
Yeah.
I'm sure... How the hell
did Lauren manage to rent out Chateau? Okay? The old Chateau. It, I'm sure. How the hell did Lauren manage to rent out
Chateau? Okay, the old
Chateau. It was handed to her.
And you know that was a pricey piece
of real estate because Chateau was
the most well-known
salon in northern New Jersey.
Free cafache.
By the way, I liked how
the other salon that was featured on this week's
episode was called La Chateau Allure.
So, like, chateau is like a big theme in New Jersey.
Everything has to be a chateau.
Everything has to be a chateau, and all of their houses have to look like versions of the Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino Resort in Las Vegas because they are tacky fucks.
The funny thing is, the houses in Jersey very much resemble the houses in Orange County.
There are oversized fleur-de-lis
on the asses of their jeans
and all over their kitchens, and they all
look like faux marble bullshit
from Vegas. These are the people that keep Ashley
Furniture in business. They keep Ashley Furniture
in business, and I really think, I mean,
I'm not to diss on home goods, because I love a good home goods,
but everything is from home goods.
Let's not forget, I think there's probably some Z Gallery in there.
Oh, there's definitely some Z Gallery.
And then some more Ashley Furniture.
And then some more Ashley Furniture.
I remember the first time I walked into Ashley Furniture,
I was like, who the hell buys all this weird, dark,
wooden, ornate Paisley junk?
And it's like, oh oh it's everyone from New Jersey
and Orange County. Sorry all of our
listeners from New Jersey and Orange County
if you don't have hideous homes
feel free to post interiors proving us
wrong. If you're not part of the solution
you're part of the problem that's all I'm saying
I think if you're
honestly if you live in New Jersey
and you shop at any place
where there's a wrought iron decorative thing in a religious form, you've got everything wrong.
Stop.
Oh, there's also a video, just to end the gossip, there's a video going around of Melissa performing at, I think, Magic Mountain, like Six Flags.
Oh, my God.
Which one?
Which magic?
The one in Valencia near us?
No, no. There's one in New Jersey. No, are you in Valencia near us? No, no.
The one in New Jersey.
Are you kidding?
Coming to the West Coast, they were horrified.
They were like, green things? Roads?
What?
They only let Raven-Symoné perform at the one in Valencia.
I think they probably had her
perform at Great Adventures.
That way, when people were shrieking from the roller coasters,
she could somehow tell herself
they were screaming
with enthusiasm for her music.
It was the only way I could imagine.
It was Gay Pride Day at Six Flags.
And so you've got Greg, who's this giant oaf,
just standing there, like, shuffling back and forth,
not saying fucking anything.
And then Midget Joe was next to him.
Of course, he looks like a thumb next to Greg.
And he's, like, lifting his shirt
and trying to get woos from all the gay guys.
He's a little thumb that you and Ben
said that you'd both hit, so you better check yourself
before you wreck yourself. I have sex with my
thumb every day. I mean, it's one of
five digits. Oh, fuck.
You know, this makes me feel so bad for the people
in, uh, all the
gay guys in New Jersey
that this is what they get for their
gay events, is they get Melissa Gorga
at a theme park.
If any gay people don't live in New York
or Los Angeles, it's their fault.
It is their fault.
Look at our gay life. You stand out on Ben's
balcony and see if we can watch MJ
somewhere binging on a bowl of meat.
And then abusing her fat little
chihuahuas. I cannot wait.
I mean, this is what makes the world go round.
Sounds fabulous to me.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
Listen, we have to deride the gays in New Jersey
so that way we can feel better
about our pathetic existence here in Hollywood
where it should be really awesome and exciting
and it's not.
Yeah, no, it's not.
So let's go on and talk about the shows now.
Let's start with Real Housewives of New York City
because it was recent and it was crazy.
Shut up, Aviva.
Jesus Christ.
I can't even deal.
I hate her with all of my being.
Now, Matt, you'll be so happy to know
that I'm 100% on Team Heather now.
Finally! What took you so long?
Well, because she was a passive-aggressive bitch for the first part of the season,
but... She was just paving the way.
She was just sort of, I think, getting
her spilches
out. But, um, now
Aviva is... It's no longer Rosh Hashanah, no more of those terms.
Listen, we're talking about Aviva, and
Aviva is a Jewess
if I ever met one, and so I can use
any sort of chuh sounds around Aviva.
Okay, fine. But, um, gosh, she is off her rocker.
I mean, she is making me have sympathy
for Sonia and Ramona
and they're off their rockers too.
Exactly.
Ronnie, don't you think that
when people like Ben and myself
who hate Sonia and Ramona,
you know, beyond belief,
when we are starting to have sympathy
for them because of Aviva,
don't you think that there's
a serious problem there?
Yeah, I think that that's how reality shows work.
They make you hate people,
and then they redeem them by having more hateful people come on.
And then you're just so conflicted that you have to keep watching it.
Here's the thing.
I mean, with Aviva, all season long, we were like,
gosh, she does nothing, she does nothing.
And now she's flipped her lid, and we're like, shut up!
And on top of that,
you know what I don't like about her is really the
righteous element of her streaming. Totally.
You know, she, I wrote down this quote. She talks like a
schoolmarm. She does. I wrote down this
quote because she said, I think to
Sonya, where she says, don't confuse anger
with ranting and raving.
I'm sorry, that's actually exactly
what ranting and raving is. That's anger.
And angry people rant and rave.
So what is she talking about?
And only assholes say quotes from the dictionary about, you know, specific definitions.
Shut the fuck up.
I know.
The fact that we had to have the definition of white trash trotted out like umpteen times this episode was ridiculous.
Here's the funny thing.
Sonia admits that she likes to get drunk, sleep around with dudes, and that she's
having money problems and that she's kind of white trash.
She doesn't need an asshole like Aviva
to tell her that. Aviva is
just projecting her own insecurities about
her playboy father onto these women
and that's the problem with it. Well, one of the
other pieces of gossip that
was down at the bottom of the page, so sorry,
is that Ramona and Sonia have
been accused of being really, really wasted.
I mean, we've seen them drunk, but, you know,
last night they all started making comments about how Ramona and Sonya are always wasted.
Apparently they've cut a bunch of the stuff of them just falling all over the place
because this whole season all they've been doing is getting wasted and acting like assholes.
And Ramona rebutted with another article, because, you know, the housewives all fight in articles.
So Ramona rebutted with her own article
that was saying that Carol was high the whole time at St. Bart's,
and she was so high that she couldn't even tell what was going on.
Okay, let's call a spade a spade.
Ramona and Sonia were fucking loaded,
Carol was high as a kite,
Luann was fucking some French dudes,
and Heather was probably just passed out because she smashed her nose.
That's exactly what happened. Aviva was jealous.
Actually, what I really think...
Sorry to cut you off. No worries.
Look how civil we are.
It's only because there's glasses near us.
It's a new Jew year.
It's a new Jew year.
I think actually the real root of
Aviva's hostility is
that I think she was upset with these women for something that they did in Miami. When they were at her condo, I think actually the real root of Aviva's hostility is that I think she was upset with these women from something that they did in Miami.
When they were at her condo, I think they annoyed her in a certain way, and she kept it in because she was trying to be nice.
And then they did this thing with her fundraiser, and that pissed her off.
And then this whole ridiculous thing with the—
Reed.
Yeah, Reed.
I think that really she just had something festering inside of her.
No, you're right. Now she's on a rampage and she can't be stopped.
It was really kind of like three strikes
for them, for her, and
look, they're annoying, they're obnoxious,
they're terrible, but
a lot of times I think that these
new women are trying to really
secure themselves another
season on this show. The difference with
Aviva is, she is so fucking crazy and pissed off and angry right now
that everything that comes out of her mouth is so righteous
and she truly does believe it.
She's not making a play for another season.
She's just fucking nuts.
Well, I think that she's watched it.
I think that they watch it.
I think she made the same mistake Heather did.
Heather watched the show.
She saw what an asshole Ramona was
and she said to herself, if I go on that show,
I'm not taking that woman's shit,
and everyone in the country is going to back me up
because Ramona's a crazy bitch.
But the thing is, Ramona has a way of being a
crazy bitch and still entertaining you,
so people tend to be on her side.
So Aviva, probably filming
these scenes, thinks that everyone's
going to love her, and now that she's watching them
and everyone hates her, oh, she must just be a wreck.
And I love it. I love imagining Aviva
sobbing on her couch and
cradling her leg like it's a teddy bear.
A very stiff teddy bear.
Yes. More like a
Teddy Ruxpin.
She had a terrible youth.
Reed, didn't you hear me?
I came home. Why didn't you welcome me
home? Where is my welcome home, Reed?
Where's my banner?
Where's my banner?
Go down there and thank the limo driver
Get on your knees and thank him for bringing me home
I want a party, I want a banner
And I want a helicopter from Sheree
I want an ice cream cake
She doesn't fucking eat, are you kidding?
I want a bouquet of flowers
Oh my god She needs to just stop it She needs to meet Jules Aaron cake. She doesn't fucking eat. Are you kidding? I want a bouquet of flowers.
Oh my god. She needs to just stop it.
She needs to meet Jalzeron,
go to lunch, and they both just need to shut up
together at the same time. The funny thing is
you mentioned Heather a minute ago. I think that
a few episodes into the show, Heather
realized Ramona is so
fucking crazy. There's no point
in battling her that much. So you can
see that at the same time that
Heather kind of backs up and just is like
I'm not going to engage with Ramona
is the time that Aviva ramps up
her crazy fight with her and Heather's just like
Heather's looking like a saint at this point.
Yeah, oh exactly.
The thing is this, Heather was never righteous
with Ramona and you know what? Ramona
really wasn't that righteous
and same with Sonya with any of their fights.
And the truth is this.
Sonya is off her rocker,
but when she was defending herself against
Aviva, I thought she defended herself very well.
Right, she was drinking water, not wine.
And she was very direct, and
she was like, listen, you said some really nasty
things about me. You can't take them back.
And then Aviva is the one who's fake here.
Aviva's the one who starts off this luncheon saying,
ugh, well, you know I love you,
you know, and I say this because I
love you. And then all of a sudden, next thing you know,
she's saying the nastiest things to Sonia.
I don't even remember. It's like a blurb.
It was the most nasty thing. I mean, look, going after the children
is bad slash I love it. Some other people
think it's inappropriate, but when Aviva
is sitting across from that table from Sonia and she
goes, I have never seen
such a sad sight in my life.
A woman like you on a downward
spiral. Your life is falling
apart. I mean,
it was more condescending
than anything Luann has ever said, and that is saying
a lot. I think I have seen a woman on a
downward spiral. I think it's called Aviva trying
to dance. She's sort of swirling
on down to the dance floor.
She's literally getting a heel
stuck in the dance floor and just turning around
in circles and spiraling. Really spinning
downwards.
Yeah, I was actually really
proud of dumbass Sonia. I mean, I
think Sonia is one of the biggest, drunkest,
quittiest sluts
ever. And I actually completely agree
with everything that Aviva says. I just wish she wouldn't say it
5,000 times. You make a good point.
You're right. Because everything she is saying is right.
And Sonya's daughter should be
ashamed, and Sonya should be ashamed of being a horrible
mother. She is getting fucked up the butt
in front of cameras and people
who are talking about her getting passed around
like an hors d'oeuvre train. It's gross.
And she should be a better mom.
And she shouldn't be marrying
senior citizens who shit themselves
just to get their money.
And then be shocked
when she doesn't get it
and they leave her first.
I don't know.
Sonia, I think, is kind of gross.
But I was really proud of her
for not taking any of Aviva's bullshit
and just saying,
no, I don't forgive you.
I don't like you.
The end.
I don't like...
And she still ate.
She didn't just show up she ate that
she ate the shit out of that greasy pizza threw her napkin down and peaced out and was like bitch
you picking up the tag as she should she had hurricane irene damages to tend to she did she
had she had houses it gonna fix itself she had to call the plumber she needed to go fist the toilet
for the blackberry and she was gonna eat that greasy truffle infused pizza and peace out and
by the way aviva has no moral high ground to stand on here
because she was the one who tried to hook up Sonia with her sexaholic father.
And I'm sorry, you can't...
And this is the father that's going to accost Ramona on next week's episode
and grab her, you know, batwing.
Yeah. Aviva is a disaster.
Oh, yeah. And yeah, she's going to get the payoff next week with her old rapist father
and I have to make a side note here
and explain some one of my friends was
giving me shit who listens to the show
giving me shit for how much shit I'm always giving
Andy Cohen cause I just he seems
so nice like I'd love to hang out with Andy
Cohen but I think he is so bad at his job
and I was watching watch what happens live
I guess last night
he's getting drunk
and lazy on that show it's always been drunk and lazy but he's just so bad okay he's got ramona
and he's got liz from gallery girls okay you've got crazy and total ice bitch from hell you have
so much to talk about add a little more barbara walters and a little less used car salesman why are you playing a fucking game it's like hey is this a good outfit or a bad outfit guys why are you doing that why
aren't you asking Liz who raped her as a baby why is she such a fucking bitch why aren't you asking
Ramona when her first AA meeting is like why aren't you asking them if they think Luann's fur coat is attractive you fucking moron I know as stop
getting wasted and pull in a little sensitivity and start asking people about their fucking lives
I don't want to see you play a game he's pissed he's pissing away valuable time with good with
good guests I mean look I love the Sarah Jessica Parkers of the world but it's better when he has
the actual show people on and I want him to ask these probing questions.
I want to know why Liz has a body full of hideous tattoos that she got in Tijuana.
And I'll be able to tell you a little bit about those tattoos.
Thanks to Maggie, whatever her last name is.
Did she tell it to you in her baby voice?
We'll get there.
We'll get there.
Her baby voice is kind of like her voice.
Well, that changes a lot. it's not really a baby voice
it's more just like Maggie
okay so what else
happened during New York
because I remember
watching the episode
I felt like it lasted
for seven hours
and all it was
was different
one on one lunch dates
okay so here's what it was
when Aviva was not
talking about
how difficult it was
for her to fly down there
there was a little bit
which I thought
was hilarious
of Luann
trying to overcompensate for her cheating ass by being really affectionate with Jacques.
And the way she framed it was, I didn't want Jacques to get the wrong impression, so I've
just been really trying to show how much I love him.
I'm like, you are so guilty.
That's what a guilty person does.
That's exactly what a guilty person does, Luann.
And a guilty person is normally smart enough to realize not to be on a reality TV show if you're going to lie this fucking much
and make up a story about maybe we should have a baby.
Yep.
And what's the right impression?
Because there is no right impression.
She, on camera, picked up a guy, took him home, and boned his brains out.
You know what?
I feel like this is the return of season one Luann,
who was sort of...
A man-eater.
Well, she was above it all.
All the other girls fought,
and season one Luann just did whatever she wanted,
and she was sort of haughty,
and we all sort of loved her for just being a haughty, waspy woman.
Well, she was classier than the others at that point.
And then she sort of got dragged down into the drama,
but I think this season she's...
In the beginning, she got into it a little bit, but lately she she sort of got dragged down into the drama, but I think this season she's, in the beginning,
she got into it a little bit,
but lately she's sort of just been above it all.
I'm going to lunch.
Ramona's stalking me.
Okay, I've got to go meet Jack.
Yeah, that was honestly her biggest moment.
And then, like, you know,
the thing with when she was wearing,
like, the reindeer antlers.
But, like...
Or when she decided to be an Algonquin chief
and say that her people were rapists,
Mohawk, Tomahawk.
But, you know, the thing is this.
She's had so many weird missteps this season and she's really not.
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What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?
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She is a heroine to some.
As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.
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She's not getting any flag for...
She's not getting into
the same sort of fights
that she got into last season
with Alex and Ramona.
That's true.
She's just sort of like
floating around
and having her time.
You know what she does?
She flies above all the haters.
Ah, ah, ah,
Candy Burra style.
With all the class
that she did not buy
because it cannot be bought.
Because it cannot be purchased. With all her... Not even at Homeguns. With all the class that she did not buy because it cannot be bought. Because it cannot be purchased.
Not even at Home Guns.
With all her elegance.
I honestly don't remember anything else in the episode except really coming away from it thinking that Heather was cool and that Carol, I mean, I think we all love Carol at this point.
Carol is...
Want to go to a gay bar?
I'm wasted.
Ever had a shot of tequila.
Hey, just put your shoes on.
Tequila is something
that reminds me of JFK Jr.
Because he once had a bottle
of tequila and I was like, I've never done a shot.
And he's like, you should try one.
And then he got into a plane and died and now I think of him.
Let's just not talk about it
anymore.
Bye.
I love we were so savage to her but we love her
nobody gives better confessional
you know
nobody gives better face on a Tyra show
nobody gives better confessional
than fucking Carol Razzaloy
she's really loosened up
in the beginning of the season
her confessionals felt a little forced
they weren't great she straight up hates all the other women she is friends with Heather, in the beginning of the season her confessionals felt a little forced. They weren't great.
No, she straight up hates all the other women. She is friends
with Heather and hates the rest of them.
But she maligns them in a
way that's very sly and
clever without being abrasive the way
Bethany was, you know? I mean,
Bethany was very funny, too. But Carol
does it in a way where she could sort of not
they couldn't really falter for it at the reunion.
Right, like Aviva will sit down and say
I think that Aviva was meeting with
Heather and Carol for lunch and she
sits down and she starts immediately
ripping into Ramonia and Carol
just laughs and is like, tell us how you really feel.
Which means like she agrees with what Aviva
is saying but she gets off without
being a super bitch. You get the impression
that Carol is the only one in
this franchise,
or perhaps any of these franchises,
who has ever really sort of seems to be approaching this
like an anthropological study.
Well, yes, I do think
that this is going to end up
being like a special on Frontline
where she's going to win an Emmy
and she's going to be like,
I was never there getting paid.
It was just a study.
Yes, totally.
It was like me in the bush in Kenya.
I was undercover.
I was like Celestass Kenya. I was undercover. I was like Salastassel.
I was embedded in Ramona.
It was worse than Iraq.
I used to know Barbara Walters.
Peter Jennings always loved me.
It sounds like...
Oh, well, what about...
Okay, speaking of Peter Jennings,
who died of cancer because he was a smoker,
Carol has taken up smoking pink cigarettes and Aviva lost her shit.
Wait, did Peter Jennings die?
Did I know that?
I feel so sad.
I think Peter Jennings died about eight years ago.
Eight years ago.
Oh my god, Peter Jennings, god bless you, pretty man.
I thought he was just relaxing somewhere.
In St. Barts?
You can't fucking relax in St. Barts, clearly.
He's relaxing in the ground. You're thinking of Ted Koppel.
Oh, God bless you, Brian.
I'm so sad now. I'd have to quit the podcast
now.
Go cut yourself like Demi Lovato.
Let's have a moment for Peter Jennings.
Peter, I love
the way you looked at the camera
like it was staring at you.
Peter Jennings, my friend.
The remix.
Remember that time you hugged me at work?
Remember that time you hugged me and then you apologized?
And I was like, what?
That's not inappropriate.
Do it again.
Oh, Black Peter!
So many memories.
Maybe I'm thinking of Brian Williams.
Brian Williams is alive and well and still looking hot on NBC.
Peter Jennings was ABC, Ronnie.
Oh, well, whatever.
Anywho, Ben just mentioned this a second ago, though.
She's probably going to get off scot-free at the reunion.
Luann was tweeting today, they are taping the reunion tomorrow.
If Ramona is sending stories out that Carol was high and on drugs and all this shit,
she's going to get in big trouble. Ramona is sending stories out that Carol was high and on drugs and all this shit. She's not.
She's going to get in big trouble because everyone thinks Carol is the sweet, peacemaking one, which she is.
But the shit she's been saying about him has been less vicious than a lot of, you know, like Bethany had a certain desperation to her, you know, that made her kind of sound like fighty.
And Carol doesn't have that edge to her, but she's still said a lot of sound like fighty. And Carol doesn't have that edge to her,
but she's still said a lot of shit about these people.
And they'll bring it up.
Yeah, but she'll be unfazed.
Because again, she's just sort of looking at it like,
I run in circles that are much more powerful than you.
And I am just doing this for my own entertainment.
Yeah, I mean, I don't think that she's going to get too much shit.
I mean, if anything, Ramona's going to go at her for a little bit,
but only because Ramona's feeling threatened.
I do, however, think that the couches will be split based on hair color.
I think it's going to be brunettes versus blondes,
and this whole season I've been team brunette.
Who knows? Aviva's going to have to go sit in the corner
because everybody hates that bitch.
Yeah, I don't even know what the couches...
I think they're just all going to be sitting on their own separate chairs.
It'll be like the
old Phil Donahue show. They'll all have a little
chair.
Maybe it'll be like Geraldo and someone will throw a chair.
Or Jenny Jones.
I love making 20 year old references. That's like my favorite
thing ever.
This will be like Morton Downey
Jr.
Or Rolanda.
What about Rolanda?
She was good.
Or Christina.
She's still around.
Oh, Xtina.
Not Xtina.
That's gonna be all
beam me up, Scotty!
Did anything else
happen on New York?
No, I think we can move on.
What happened in New York?
I think that's done.
It was just Aviva.
It was Aviva being
a fucking asshole.
Okay, well,
I will also say this.
Thank God that this season flipped the switch about
four episodes in. They went down,
you know, they jumped the tracks, they went
crazy. The ratings are up, up, up.
Good. They are back where they belong, around
2 million viewers. They started
around 1.3, so clearly the crazy
is working for them. Yeah.
But let's move on to Jersey, don't you think? It's back to my seat.
Now, in Jersey...
Okay, can I say something about this Jersey, don't you think? It's back to my seat. Now in Jersey... Jersey.
Okay, can I say something about this Jersey episode?
The whole build-up was for this guy, this like low-rent Howie Mandel, who is already
pretty low-rent.
Who is a straight, gay assistant at a crappy hair salon on the side of a freeway.
Yeah.
It was supposed to like announce that Melissa, at the posh fashion show, that Melissa used to dance for him.
That was in the very last minute of the entire episode.
I felt so duped.
And first of all, this guy was the worst producer plant of all time.
He could not recite his lines for the life of him.
He could not have been more awkward.
Just being like, oh, I'm familiar with your sister-in-law.
She used to dance for me back in the day. Yeah, he made
Teresa look like Meryl fucking Street. Yeah.
Right, Ronnie?
Yeah, no, no.
We need your validation.
Yeah, I need validation, otherwise my life is
worthless. No, I totally agree. And what,
was he supposed to be working for her?
I don't understand why he was there. He was supposed to be
working for Kim D.
And Kim D is, like, shining a flashlight on his face,
like, all right, say what you got to say.
Here he is. Okay, speaking of Kim...
Old artwork at your sister used to work for me.
At the strip club.
She was a dancer.
Everyone missed her because she gave the best blowjob.
Deal or no deal?
New Jersey's got talent.
Which briefcase would you like to open?
I am Robot Howie Mandel.
Don't shake my hand.
I have OCD and ADD or whatever that's called.
And what sort of podunk salon
hires the former owner of a strip club to do their PR.
Yeah, a classy joint that
serves Korbel.
And you have to walk through some
plastic jewels to get into the
upstairs rickety-ass
makeup chair. And they play Jodie Watley
on the loudspeakers. I mean, we
would go there, but Teresa's too classy for
that shit. And by the way,
speaking of Kim how sad
is this woman has anybody
that's not a real housewife maybe
besides Dana Wilkie ever
made such a hard play to
be a fucking housewife Kim G
Kim G
Kim G well Kim D was the original
Kim G was the original kiss ass
and Kim D is now
you know she one thing that's been missing from Kim D are her oversized TJ Maxx wine goblets that say Sassy Lady on them.
That were written in hot puppy paint and slash I've already made a son.
See, if she had brought those to Chateau La Lure, or whatever it was called, or La Chateau Lure,
then I might have been on her side.
But without the goblets, I don't know.
Forget about it.
That woman is vile.
And I love that she, you know,
the whole episode opens with her calling Melissa.
Oh, hi, Melissa.
It's me, Kim T.
You may have heard that I was saying
really mean things about your husband.
You know, sometimes I say stupid things
and I get caught, and this is one of those times,
so I'd like to say I'm sorry.
I'd love if you'd come to my fashion show. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. And then five minutes later, she's telling Teresa,
That's not the same thing.
Well, it's also not an apology either way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you totally did do something.
And you're probably right about Midget Joe being a total crook and con man,
but I just love that it didn't even make it on the show.
She had to call and remind someone that she actually could have had a plot line.
Do you guys think that Melissa is a forgiving soul and she's just like a lamb out to slaughter,
or in order for her to have a storyline continue, she has to make up with all these women in order to have other conversations?
I think she's forgiving.
I think she's forgiving.
You're crazy. This is a bitter
ex-stripper who saw her famous sister-in-law
getting all the attention,
schemed her ass onto the show
by talking shit to a
castmate who she knew would bring it up
in a reunion just to get herself
on the show, which she finally
got, and now she's pretending she's
all nice. all these scenes
they've reshot so that melissa is acting like oh i'm babysitting theresa's kids and we're getting
along so well it's fake we know it's fake doesn't mean she's not forgiving she could be all that and
forgiving because that stuff happened way after the posh fashion show they're adding all those
scenes in trying to make it look like oh melissa was so forgiving and then
theresa stabbed her in the back okay ronnie i'm not team melissa by any means but why do you think
bravo is trying to position her like that i mean i think the melissa as the good girl is going to
get old really fucking fast they need to have her on a really high cross so they can rip her ass
down from it yeah that's true too please Are we getting to that point where we're
going to build her up, build her up, and the next season
she's going to be the one to get torn down for
being a prostitute stripper?
Oh yeah. Please God.
I mean, they're done with Teresa. What the hell is she going to do
now? Teresa actually
had a protective
response to this Howie Mandel
guy. She actually was like, I don't want to hear
it, you know, which was probably the
first genuinely
upstanding thing she's
ever done since the Gorgas came on
the show. Totally agree. If that was
legitimate, she would have gone to the show
and said, Melissa, that
guy over there, I just want to warn you that
this is what he told me, and I don't want there to be any
trouble tonight. I actually don't think
that she thought that that creepy dude was
going to show up at the dinner at the Posh fashion
show because clearly he was an assistant at
a hair salon and he was a plant
at the fashion show. I think that she was really
taken aback when he showed up and she actually was
speechless. My god, you guys will
fall for any damn thing. Oh my god,
I'm so gullible. I
love falling for it. You are
full of shit. You honestly believe Teresa had nothing to do with that? I'm not full of shit. Well love falling for it. You are full of shit. You honestly believe
Teresa had nothing to do with that?
I'm not full of shit. Well, I guess, well, I don't think
Teresa had that guy come, to be honest.
I just think she sells every story to
Life and Style or Life and Touch or
Touch My Life or whatever. I don't think that she
got the guy to come. I think that was
Kim D. But she knew what was
going to happen and she could have worn Melissa and she
did. And I think that she enjoyed it.
But here's the thing.
Have you seen Melissa perform, like, the song, these songs that she wants?
She comes out in, like, a thong and fishnet stockings and, like, a bra.
And drive rates.
Aviva Drescher over here.
I know, Ronnie.
Like, you're such a prude.
I know.
Like, every pop star wears that, if not less. You guys, but I'm
saying, what's the embarrassment with being a stripper?
Like, what's the difference? Like, at least she
had a job. Why is she acting like
a stripper? She's doing the same thing now.
Like, because you're lip-syncing to
a song that your husband paid, like, half
a million dollars to make for you, that makes
you somehow classier? You're still a
hoe gyrating your shit around for money,
bitch. Do you think Lauren Manzo will ever turn to the pole?
Well I've been to a bar called the Fault Line.
Which is a bear bar here in Los Angeles.
Oh my god.
I went for the first time on Saturday night.
And they made fun of me in the bar.
For being too skinny.
I walked in with a few of my friends.
And we turned around.
And we walked right back out.
And we asked for our money back.
And outside there were these big mean bears smoking and they were like,
oh, thank God that Benetton ad is leaving.
How rude!
I think that's pretty funny.
That's pretty good, actually.
Were you with a minority
or were they just talking about your clothes?
Were you wearing Benetton?
How progressive of you.
I was just wearing like a polo
but everybody else in there was like
wearing like dirty beer stained shredded sweats.
Yeah, and like peeing on each other.
Okay, well, the reason I bring it up is because they've got like 350 pound, 400 pound strippers.
I mean, these dudes are in like thongs.
That's the other reason why we left.
I think that Lauren could come work in the gay bar fault line in a thong.
You know she has a mustache and a fucking full-on beard, too.
That is assuming that her business
isn't as successful as
the Bailey agency down in Atlanta.
That's true.
Yeah, Lauren. I'm selling makeup,
candy, egg salad,
and cereal,
and Rice Krispies,
and pillow shams,
and Euro shams, and new tilesams and Euro shams and new tiles
and I'm also
going to sell
cell phones because I'm looking
at a Euro sham in my bedroom
right now so I'm thinking about
I'm also selling bedroom sets at cafes
Oh my god
Euro shams
stenciled onto them
sides of pins in case people lose the inside part of the kit I got a Euro fam. Stencil bond to them.
Sides of pens in case people lose the inside part of their kit.
Selling slow cookers.
So if you want to take one of my egg salad sandwiches and put in the slow cooker and make a something with it. I'm going to throw up if you keep talking about Lauren Manzo handling egg salad.
I'm really going to vomit.
I'm also going to sell egg salad bites. If you only want to have a little bit, if you only had the lap band, it can only take so much in.
Egg salad bites made by my brother, my brother Albie.
I'm going to be selling baby spoons.
They're just big enough to take a little tiny bite of things that you like.
So if you want some butter, you could just have a little tiny bite instead of a whole stick. And then I'm gonna sell
some really big spoons that you
hide for when you take big bites, but you don't
want people to know you took a big bite.
And then you hide them under your Euro sham.
You hide it in the Euro sham, which is really
full of butter and egg
salad. You're gonna hide
inserts for couch cushions so that
when you shove wrappers there while
you're watching TV, they won't attract
bugs. You just have to pull out
the lineup and you'll get all
the crumbs and trash out of it.
And when people are like, this feels weird when I
sit on it, you just tell them it's one
of those thermo mattresses.
Thermo whatever. We sell those
too. We sell those too.
We sell mattresses, the thermo foam.
They look like Q-tips, but they're really long.
And they're not for your ears.
They're for those creases that when you're sitting on the couch watching TV,
you can just lift up your stomach and clean in the crease
and get the orange cracker dust out of there.
We also sell soccer balls so that when people come in,
you're like, no, I'm not eating.
I'm playing soccer. I'm playing Saka.
I'm a healthy lifestyle.
We're also going to sell day breadsticks from Olive Garden.
Yeah.
I can only eat one bite at a time, but they're unlimited.
So I get baskets of them and I put them in bags.
And if I think they're going to turn too dry before I can get a chance to eat a bite of them,
I'll put them out in the front of the store.
You know how some people have mints?
I'll have breadsticks.
And she's going to call them fucking biscotti
because they got hard.
I know we're going to put on the biscotti
if they're too dry.
I can take my big hidden spoon
and put some egg salad on the biscotti
and I'm going to eat the biscotti.
Oh, also selling,
because we do cosmetics,
we have a shampoo.
But the shampoo is actually egg salad.
And you put it in your hair.
It does really great things for your hair.
And then we also sell razors.
So if you want to exfoliate your face like my mom, you just shave your face, even if you have no hair.
How could I forget that?
Caroline shaves her face like a man.
Yeah, that's the sort of beauty tip you get at Cafes.
Oh, my God. forget that Caroline shaves her face like a man. Yeah, that's the sort of beauty tip you get at Cafes. Well, then I'm glad that Lauren Manzo's gonna turn
the entire state of New Jersey
into bearded fucking women.
With egg salad. With egg salad.
Did anything else
happen? Oh, Jacqueline talked to my
new next-door neighbor. Yeah.
Ashley, who got more tattoos.
The Albies, yes.
Trashy tattoos.
She got a tattoo
that said
Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, Winnie.
I was about to say how dumb they are
for not knowing what it is. But it's the famous
Julius Caesar quote, I came, I saw, I conquered.
And the best...
Sucky, fucky, five dollar.
It's that and, like, Japanese.
But I love how Jackson hadn't even heard of it
i mean look i can't remember i was this latin student i can't remember when you would eat
whatever it was but at least when i see it on paper i know exactly what it is even if i can't
say the only person that's going to be seeing that is the dude that's taking her from behind
and pulling her hair up yeah behind the former 2020 video that closed down and became a paint
shop wait the porn store is not open near us anymore? It's at Benjamin
Moore. That's why I moved into this neighborhood.
And soon to be a cafés, I'm sure.
Soon to be cafés
store too. Cafés West.
Cafés West. I love it.
Everyone's going to think it's a pet store.
Watch The X Factor, yes or no?
Of course. I haven't seen it yet. I do
not watch it, but
I just posted the recap on TVgasm and the first video she's posting is of Jedward.
Do you know who they are?
I'm obsessed with them.
They were on the UK version, and they're reality TV stars, and they're best friends with Tara
Reid.
Love them.
They were on Celebrity Big Brother in England or Britain.
What do you say?
England or Britain?
Because people always...
Nobody says England.
UK.
Whatever. I'm stupid.
So them. I love them! Jedward!
Okay.
The other thing is Kathy
brought her desserts into the Bindi place.
How disgusting is Rich?
Rich kept on making so many bad jokes
and inappropriate jokes. He's so
disgusting. He is disgusting.
C-word jokes about his wife.
Yeah, I actually was clutching my
pearls i joke about clutching my pearls but i actually did when he made the c-word comment
about his wife during that it was disgusting yeah why does she bring him why does she bring him
why are any of these women with any of these men kathy is amazing she's a good mother um rich is a
good guy he's crude he's a good guy and but here a good guy. He's crude, but he's a good guy.
But here's the thing.
I actually think that Kathy, out of all these dumb whores that think that they have business plans,
Kathy can actually make desserts that look amazing and delicious.
And if she were able to find a way to freeze them and put them in a grocery store, I would buy them.
I would honestly get her cookbook, especially if someone sent it to us for free
I would make some of the things
I would make some of the desserts
and yes please autograph
and I would make the desserts and we could try them
here live on the podcast
I would just try them because I can't cook
and you're also living a healthy lifestyle
you're in the Lauren
I'm a secret eater though at night
oh with your big spoon
with my big spoon and my I'm going to borrow a
Euro sham before I leave.
But all the egg salad.
It's all the egg salad.
I can't remember really anything
else from the episode, so should we go on
to Miami? Or do we have any other
things? Did anything else happen on
Jersey, you guys?
Oh, I wanted to say one more thing about
all the drama that was happening.
Someone put in the comments, which I know is not the New York Times, but I take comments very seriously, you guys.
Especially on iTunes.
Oh, and someone left in the comments on the recap that all that drama, there's a producer from New Jersey that got fired right after all of this happened.
producer from New Jersey that got fired right after all of this
happened. And they're
saying that when they check their... They're all
checking their phones at the same time when they're sitting
around that table. And the producer is telling
them that this guy... What's about to happen?
That this guy's about to come up and confront
Teresa. And that
it was all producer manipulation.
And Teresa actually did not know
this guy. She didn't set it up.
And she actually was surprised,
and this was all producer manipulation to make Teresa look stupid.
Ronnie, Ben and I are buying that whole fucking story.
Yeah, well, that's what they're saying, that it was some producer.
I think her name is Carol, and she got fired.
So that's the rumor.
So I don't know if that's true or not, but I just have to share juicy comments,
and thank you for whoever left that juicy comment.
That was great.
Are we ready to head?
Right?
That was fantastic.
Are we ready to head south?
Let's head south.
We are ready to change shows, but we are almost at the hour long mark.
And we've got two more pretty big shows to discuss.
So I would love to suggest splitting this up into a two-parter.
Ooh, it's a cliffhanger, everyone.
It's like a season finale.
So if you guys want to hear our thoughts
on Real Housewives of Miami,
and more importantly,
if you want to hear us do our voices,
and if you want to hear our thoughts on Gallery Girls
and also my experience with Maggie,
then you'll just have to wait for the next podcast.
We've also got some really good Amy gossip.
So we will get this podcast posted now and we'll have this one.
God,
when Friday,
the weekend.
Yeah,
it's probably for the,
for the weekend.
Okay.
By the weekend.
Love you guys.
Thanks.
Bye guys.
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