Watch What Crappens - #35: The Whole Gang is Back Pt. 1

Episode Date: September 21, 2012

The Whole Gang is Back Pt. 1See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy ...and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit audiblepodcast.com forward slash bravo for your free audiobook download. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap Is, the podcast that's all about bravo, all that crap we watch on bravo. Gosh, I'm rusty. This is Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com.
Starting point is 00:00:43 I've been gone for like a week and I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. We need to squirt some WD-40 on you. Ugh, please do. Loosen you up. I need, my joints need to be relaxed. I'm here with Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Hey Ben, welcome back. Did you party with Kelly Killoran, Ben Simone, and the Hamptons?
Starting point is 00:01:01 No, I only saw her. Ugh, my heart is broken. Was she wearing a floral maxi dress and gold bangles? Just say, I only saw her. Oh, my heart is broken. Was she wearing a floral maxi dress and gold bangles? Just say yes. Just say yes. Sure, why not? Thank you. And a helmet, let's say that. Was she making somebody hot? Uh, she was making her daughter hot, because they were
Starting point is 00:01:16 both Vikings, so I guess her daughter was biking off some calories. And they're pre-teens, which they should really start getting hot now while they're in their, you know, before they're prepubescent. They're in the hot window. They are, they are. We're also here with Ronnie Karam from TVgasm.com.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Hi, everybody. Hello. And actually, Matt and I are actually sitting next to each other today. It's official. We are neighbors. You are three buildings down. I still believe MJ from Shaz of Sunset is across the street, so I hope we have a sighting soon. Oh, and not just MJ.
Starting point is 00:01:47 I was going to wait until later in the podcast to mention this. Who? You perhaps saw this week's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes. And perhaps you remember there was a scene when Ashley was... What apartment building is she in? She is in the building directly next to yours. Shut up! You live by Ashley?
Starting point is 00:02:04 Is she the one right next to me? Yeah, when she showed... You can't even just leave now. You bought it. Was she sitting at the courtyard when she was Facebooking or FaceTiming with Jacqueline? She was in the courtyard of the Vantage Apartments on Fuller. Don't be telling my address! It's okay. No one's
Starting point is 00:02:20 coming to stalk you. Oh, I want a stalker. Except for Ashley. I would like a stalker, except Ashley does not want to stalk me. So, here's the thing. Between you and me, Matt, we have Ashley. Literally, I want a stalker. Except for Ashley. I would like a stalker, except Ashley does not want to stalk me. So, here's the thing. Between you and me, Matt, we have Ashley. Literally, Ashley is in between us. Ashley is between us.
Starting point is 00:02:30 It's all Ashley sandwich. Now, if only it was a Lauren Manzo sandwich. There would be more to go around. There'd be a lot of meat in that sandwich. A lot of reality stars.
Starting point is 00:02:40 And that's why I'm a vegetarian. Well, we actually are almost at a reality star maximum. Across the street, I've got MJ. I've got The Miz. You know I have a vegetarian. Well, we actually are almost at a reality star maximum. Across the street, I've got MJ. I've got The Miz. You know I have a crush on The Miz.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Well, he's across the street. We have Ashley up the street. And also, Suga from Survivor is somewhere up the block. Oh, really? And Evil Dick used to live on the other side of you, but he's gone. This is too much. Ronnie, when are you going to move onto the block? You guys, that's a lot of mediocrity in one neighborhood.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Well, you could come and add to it. You could be the rose to our Mary and Sandro. I will get you a milk crate, girl. That's like 90200000000. I also forgot to mention that at the other end of the block, if you head the other direction, that's where the Los Angeles arsonist used to live before he was put in jail. I'm glad I left the glamorousness of Larchmont Village for the ghetto of Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:03:35 I've really moved on up. Well, I want to reassure the listeners that you're not at the ghetto of iTunes right now. We are going to talk about Bravo. In fact, we have so many... Yeah, you we are not just about who we live around okay it's like actually we all live around in inside of our tvs but it does help it does help the fact that we do we can spy on ashley and then we can go to sir and you know see lisa vanderpump i mean we're just we're bringing it to the listeners. You know, I actually would say that we're probably the only podcast about reality TV and or Bravo that has such close access to the Bravo celebrities on a consistent basis. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Unlike a few of our competition, our competitors out there. Yeah. That don't live in Los Angeles. Girl, in this town, all you have to do is go to the Abbey, the big gay bar, on a Saturday night and you'll see half of Bravo there. You couldn't catch me dead there. Well, literally, you're not allowed back, right? town, all you have to do is go to the Abbey, the big gay bar, on a Saturday night, and you'll see half of what we're doing. You couldn't catch me dead there. Well, literally, you're not allowed back, right? Oh, I do.
Starting point is 00:04:29 That is true. I might have a wanted poster on the sign. Anyway, we need to mention this quickly, where you can find us all at Twitter, and then we need to jump into this. Ben, you can find at B-Side Blog. Ronnie, you can find at TVGasm. And me, Matt, you can find me at Life on the M-List. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter, also at WhatCrappens,
Starting point is 00:04:48 and download us on iTunes. We are there every single week. Maybe we're going to be there twice a week because we have so much shit to talk about, and don't forget to leave comments for us. Yeah, that was, you know, that was almost, that felt like a novel of information, and speaking of novels and books,
Starting point is 00:05:04 I should mention A audible.com. Audible.com is a great place to go download your audiobooks. Ronnie had a good point. Why should anybody in this day and age read? What is the point of reading? Reading is for nerds, you guys. Be cool and listen to a book.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Be cool, watch TV, and then listen to a book. Listen to a book. When you're done, listen to the podcast, start up a book in your ears, and get that book from audible.com. Yeah, why not? Do we have a promo code for them or not? I don't remember. We don't. We don't.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Yeah, it's audible.com forward slash bravo. There we go. Oh, I lied. I'm a liar. So everyone do that from audible. Okay, so now let's talk about what we're going to talk about today, which is so much. We have a huge amount of gossip, and then we have a ridiculous amount of TV. Can I just say that The Real Housewives of New York City kind of got to be amazing, one of the best seasons ever?
Starting point is 00:05:57 Yes, but before you get there, let's just tell the listeners what we're going to be covering. Real Housewives of New York City. Real Housewives of New Jersey. Real Housewives of Miami. Boo. Don't boo it. I was okay with it. I don't dare you. That's Miami.
Starting point is 00:06:12 Okay, okay. How could you say that? And what else? And Gigi. And Gallery Girls. Gigi. Featuring Maggie Schaefer, who I had cocktails with when I was in New York, and we will talk about that when we get to that.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Ronnie, how fucking fancy is Ben? He's hanging out with Kelly, Killer, and Ben Simone, baby-talking Maggie, and you and I are just, like, rotting on your couch last week. Because Ben is so much better at being fake than I am. I can't go have lunch, because the whole time she'd be like, remember how you're always
Starting point is 00:06:40 calling me, you say I have daddy issues because I'm always playing with my hair, you think I've been abused? That's really not nice. And I'll be'll be like yeah but you play with your hair too much stop playing with your hair okay well before because we know that you're the mean one here um that's not true i'm the mean one but before we before we get into the gossip why don't you just tell jill zarin how you really feel about her oh hey um jill zarin i hope you're listening to this shut up jill zarin okay now Okay, now we can move on to gossip. By the way, when I was...
Starting point is 00:07:07 We've got so much going on this week. There's so much Housewives, so much Gallery Girls. So what I basically did was just pulled up a couple of my favorite Housewives sites. Those stupid Housewives who I love. We do love them. And I did a new search on Housewives and then I just brought up
Starting point is 00:07:22 a Zulia search on Housewives. So I'm just going to go over headlines and you guys make short comments and we'll move on to the shows later. The most important thing, obviously, Alexis Bellino not coming back to Orange County. What do you guys think?
Starting point is 00:07:37 Tears everywhere. I'm devastated. She was the greatest comic relief, unintentional, in years. Heather needs a fucking Jesus Juggs punching bag, and I don't know what they're going to do without her. And, are we ever going to get to see this trampoline park? Because that needs its own show. I think that this Bravo
Starting point is 00:07:53 was going to be funding that trampoline park, and now I think that they're going to have to move into a smaller house with perhaps, you know, maybe they can live in Laurie Waring's guest house, or maybe they can, you know, shack up with Tammy Knickerbaring's guest house, or maybe they can shack up with Tammy Knickerbocker. Or they're going to be living in rental cars. Listen, we've seen that trampoline
Starting point is 00:08:10 park. It's called her chest. Hey-o! It's bouncy. The rumor is that she's quitting, and not only is she quitting, she is suing Tamara for calling her Jesus chest. Okay, well that her quitting sounds like Sheree Whitfield quitting Atlanta, a.k.a. bitch got fired. Okay, well, her quitting sounds like Sheree Whitfield quitting Atlanta,
Starting point is 00:08:25 a.k.a. bitch got fired. Well, I love the idea that Alexis is suing Tamara about being called Jesus Juggs. What's going to be the basis of her case? That her breasts are not actual, physical jugs of water? I mean, I don't understand how she has a leg to stand on. I would like to be on that jury. Oh, I would love it.
Starting point is 00:08:42 You know that... I can only imagine what sort of lawyer they'll hire. It'll probably be Dr. Booty. Dr. Booty, yes. Second profession when he's not teaching nurses in hot pants how to exercise. Okay, the next piece of gossip is speaking of Sharae, Ms. Sharae Whitfield. Sharae has one-upped Nene Leakes. She is not going to be in a TV show.
Starting point is 00:09:06 She's going to be in a film. What? Is Tyler Perry behind this film? Is it a Madea flick, and is she playing a man with a dick because she has one? She is going to be... That's how she got in the role. Huge, huge, huge film,
Starting point is 00:09:22 you guys, called Scary Movie 5. Oh my god, I love that. Actually, this is one-ing up NeNe Leakes. Oh my god, we are going opening night to the arc light having cocktails and getting wasted for this. Who was the genius who decided to cast Sharae in Scary Movie 5? She kind of looked like that mask.
Starting point is 00:09:39 That is brilliant. Here's the thing, though. You get all the way down to the bottom of the story and it says it's not a big role. Sheree wouldn't have any lines and her name wouldn't be in the credits. It's like Marla Maples in Executive Decision.
Starting point is 00:09:54 I'm making that reference. Wow. Wow. Is that the one with Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal and then there's a plane that attaches and they have to transfer some gas? Yeah. And there was some press because Marla Maples was in it and then there's like a plane that attaches and they have to like transfer some gas yeah and there was some press because marla maples was in it and then she had maybe one line at most she was like a flight attendant i was so pumped okay well we're going to see she by shiree will she be wearing she by shiree in the film i bet that's part of the contract well you know that shiree was like
Starting point is 00:10:18 in a pizza shop getting a slice while they were filming and like out of press releases she's gonna be in a movie i thought there already was a scary movie five but you know i stopped paying attention to that franchise a while ago ronnie i don't know if you have this down but um did you guys see the pictures this week that were released all the girls from the new cast of atlanta with the two new women were out in la and everybody was supporting nini on the set of her new show the new normal on nbc and we officially got to see the two women. Bravo hasn't put out a press release yet, but the two women's names are out there floating around,
Starting point is 00:10:52 and it seemed like everybody was playing along really nicely on set. I mean, Candy's there, Phaedra's there, and they're all smiling and hugging with Nene. Kim wasn't there, though. Kim was not there. That's quite funny. Right after Nene had some quote about how no one supports her on that show and no one's really happy
Starting point is 00:11:08 for her even though they said they're happy for her she doesn't believe them the only one she believes is the one who's always up her ass what's that chick's name? Cynthia with a very successful modeling career I'm surprised she had time away from the Bailey agency to go
Starting point is 00:11:24 to Los Angeles. It's true. The Bailey agency has a line of three people wrapped around the block. That's like a Greyhound bus model. Sidebar on Nini on The New Normal. I have to say that I've hated Nini for the past two seasons on Atlanta. I love her on The New Normal. I think The New
Starting point is 00:11:40 Normal is amazing and she is hilarious. Did we watch the same sitcom? I watched the first like 10 or 15 minutes of it today. The second and the third episode are way better than the pilot. It was so awful and the directing was so bad. It's a pilot. Pilots always kind of suck. That's true
Starting point is 00:11:55 but it was so beyond sucking that I just, I can't even deal. Did you not enjoy watching Nini spar with what's that blonde evil lady? Ellen Barkin. Yeah, Ellen Barkin. I didn't even get to where Nini was on.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Oh my god, never mind. Move on, Ronnie. They went to an outlet center and I was like, the writing is so awful. And I know this is what's-his-face from Glee. That wasn't even the pilot. That was the third episode. Please. You're so behind.
Starting point is 00:12:19 I don't even know what I'm watching. Or fast forwarded. Ronnie, what's- Okay, so you guys know that Kim Sulciak had her baby and that she needed cash, right? I know where you're going. You know what I'm saying. Or fast forwarded. Ronnie, what's next? So you guys know that Kim Zolciak had her baby and that she needed cash, right? I know where you're going. You know what I'm saying. What were you going to say? He was going to say well if that was actually the third episode, not the pilot Matt, you're extra fucked up because if that
Starting point is 00:12:34 is that shitty. Oh, because you can watch that much bad. Anyway, were you just talking about Kim Zolciak putting her baby cash with a dollar sign out the pictures today? Yes, what the hell? She got paid money. All those girls get paid money. They're not getting paid the two... That's why his name is Cash. She's just holding him out
Starting point is 00:12:50 a bus window, like, trying to get his picture taken and just has a bucket behind the bus just collecting money as she goes down the street. I actually think she probably only got, like, 50 Gs. I mean, back in the day, people were getting, like, 2, 3, 4 million, but now it's like she and Teresa Giudice will do anything for 40 or 50 grand. And I kind or 50 grand and i just think it's hilarious that she names her baby cash
Starting point is 00:13:09 it's like name your baby my retirement fund you know well look i mean her her previous children's name are like brielle i mean it doesn't get much more white trash than that sorry brielle see i i secretly like the name brielle i'm just putting it out there well it's nice and a white trashy sort of way at least you didn't name brielle i refuse to die pennil there. Well, it's nice in a white, trashy sort of way. Oh, yeah. Brielle! At least you didn't name Brielle. I refuse to die penniless. That's true. You know? It's like, name your baby Cash.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Come on. The scary thing, though, is Kim said that Kroy wants her to have an entire football team worth of children, and if she keeps popping out more babies, she's going to be spending more money on their clothes and not on her jewelry and wigs and cigarettes. Her vagina is going to be wider than a field goal. That's what I would go with. She's going to be like the alien from the movie Alien that just like drops big giant slimy eggs on her.
Starting point is 00:13:52 I think we have a little bit of a different audience listening to us right now. I think they prefer Sex and the City 2. Well, those are like aliens also. Those are aliens, that is true. Jessica Parker's hands. Adrienne Maloof got temporary custody because Paul Those are like aliens also. Those are aliens. That is true. They're just like a Parker's hands. It is.
Starting point is 00:14:12 Adrienne Maloof got temporary custody because Paul apparently choked and abused their children. Oh. I don't buy it for a second. I do not believe that. I don't believe that. I'm invited to an event. Oh, I'm sorry. I just want to say real quick.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Someone tweeted me a request to make a GIF of the first episode of this show where they showed Adrienne in her karate class or whatever, kicking people's asses. Does she still have tinsel in her hair? Because that takes away all of your badass skills. Anywho, I got invited to an Adrienne Maloof party tomorrow night. I don't think it's at her manse and I secretly want to go, but I also
Starting point is 00:14:41 secretly want to burn it down because I'm Team Vanderpump. Why would you not go? Because I have a date. Oh! RSVP and say Ronnie and Ben will be coming instead? Ben gets no more treats after this vacay, okay? Ever. I have dockers.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I can iron that shit. I don't always walk around in sweatpants. Excuse me, do you have stain-resistant dockers? No, I don't. You're right, I don't. I would have to go to Ross before I went. Are they pleated or flat front? You got, no, I really don't have them. I don't have any, I have sweatpants, that's pretty much it, because I've gained so much
Starting point is 00:15:14 weight I can't fit in anything. Oh, shut up. I, I, just, you know, I had a lot of bad eating when I was out east, and I, at this point, I'm prepared to just wear a garbage bag around my waist, like an old-fashioned hobo. This is a Jewish year. You're supposed to celebrate. What the hell am I celebrating? Nothing.
Starting point is 00:15:29 Yeah, did you have a good Rosh Hashanah sidebar? Another year that I'm alone. My Rosh Hashanah was lovely. Thank you very much. Your Instagram photo of the spread was amazing. All that was on the table was challah. Well, I missed carbohydrates, and I would really like to eat some challah. I was drooling looking at that photo. table was challah. Well, I missed carbohydrates and I would really like to eat some challah.
Starting point is 00:15:46 I was drooling looking at that photo. Nothing but challah! Challah for Heather. All right. She ran and ate and drank into my Jesus. Ronnie, what other fucking gossip do you have? Because we have to talk about these shows. The Manzo brothers,
Starting point is 00:16:00 fresh off their success with BLK, by the way, are opening up a restaurant. Did you guys hear about that? I did. Fresh of the non-event success with BLK, by the way, are opening up a restaurant. Did you guys hear about that? I did. Fresh of the non-event that was BLK. Okay, what would be the name of their restaurant, you guys? Two guys, a girl, and a fat bitch mom. I was going to say something not as funny, so I'm not going to bother.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Something with mooks and, I don't know, grease. Wait, where's their apartment? Hoboken. Hoboken. Be like something about like two meatballs. And I don't know why it has to start with two. It has to start with two things and a something. Meatballs.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Almost balls. Whatever that. Did you guys ever see that reality show? Like America's Next Great Chain Restaurant. I watched like Omelette Balls, whatever that... Did you guys ever see that reality show, like America's Next Great Chain Restaurant? I watched like five seconds of it. Some Italian guy was like, mine is called Mom's Bulls, and it's all about my mom's meatballs. And they're like, yeah, that's probably not a winning name. I just don't trust these guys, these idiots, with any sort of business enterprise. After seeing their trip to that food convention...
Starting point is 00:17:07 After seeing their disgusting food spread at the brunch this week, I don't want to eat anything that their dirty, grubby hands have touched. Yeah, I mean, the one saving grace for them is that their parents have been in the restaurant industry for several years. I'm rolling...
Starting point is 00:17:20 You guys can't see me right now, but I'm rolling my eyes at what Ben just said because it's like, I don't want to eat their nasty pasta what do they know about making pasta sauce they're only 1 16th Italian
Starting point is 00:17:30 they're gonna be serving fish sticks with peach sauce and in a calzone I love that I love that these assholes especially Caroline
Starting point is 00:17:38 who is just has a stick up her ass all season is making fun of Teresa and her fabulinis and shit and then all she's doing, really, is pimping her fucking children on this show so that they can go out and sell
Starting point is 00:17:48 their own shit products. Fuck you. I know. The best part was when she was talking about how her children... You know, everyone says that her kids are spoiled, but her kids work for a living. And then they show clips of her just handing her kids businesses. Yeah. I'm sure... How the hell
Starting point is 00:18:04 did Lauren manage to rent out Chateau? Okay? The old Chateau. It, I'm sure. How the hell did Lauren manage to rent out Chateau? Okay, the old Chateau. It was handed to her. And you know that was a pricey piece of real estate because Chateau was the most well-known salon in northern New Jersey. Free cafache.
Starting point is 00:18:19 By the way, I liked how the other salon that was featured on this week's episode was called La Chateau Allure. So, like, chateau is like a big theme in New Jersey. Everything has to be a chateau. Everything has to be a chateau, and all of their houses have to look like versions of the Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino Resort in Las Vegas because they are tacky fucks. The funny thing is, the houses in Jersey very much resemble the houses in Orange County. There are oversized fleur-de-lis
Starting point is 00:18:48 on the asses of their jeans and all over their kitchens, and they all look like faux marble bullshit from Vegas. These are the people that keep Ashley Furniture in business. They keep Ashley Furniture in business, and I really think, I mean, I'm not to diss on home goods, because I love a good home goods, but everything is from home goods.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Let's not forget, I think there's probably some Z Gallery in there. Oh, there's definitely some Z Gallery. And then some more Ashley Furniture. And then some more Ashley Furniture. I remember the first time I walked into Ashley Furniture, I was like, who the hell buys all this weird, dark, wooden, ornate Paisley junk? And it's like, oh oh it's everyone from New Jersey
Starting point is 00:19:25 and Orange County. Sorry all of our listeners from New Jersey and Orange County if you don't have hideous homes feel free to post interiors proving us wrong. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem that's all I'm saying I think if you're honestly if you live in New Jersey
Starting point is 00:19:41 and you shop at any place where there's a wrought iron decorative thing in a religious form, you've got everything wrong. Stop. Oh, there's also a video, just to end the gossip, there's a video going around of Melissa performing at, I think, Magic Mountain, like Six Flags. Oh, my God. Which one? Which magic? The one in Valencia near us?
Starting point is 00:20:04 No, no. There's one in New Jersey. No, are you in Valencia near us? No, no. The one in New Jersey. Are you kidding? Coming to the West Coast, they were horrified. They were like, green things? Roads? What? They only let Raven-Symoné perform at the one in Valencia. I think they probably had her
Starting point is 00:20:19 perform at Great Adventures. That way, when people were shrieking from the roller coasters, she could somehow tell herself they were screaming with enthusiasm for her music. It was the only way I could imagine. It was Gay Pride Day at Six Flags. And so you've got Greg, who's this giant oaf,
Starting point is 00:20:34 just standing there, like, shuffling back and forth, not saying fucking anything. And then Midget Joe was next to him. Of course, he looks like a thumb next to Greg. And he's, like, lifting his shirt and trying to get woos from all the gay guys. He's a little thumb that you and Ben said that you'd both hit, so you better check yourself
Starting point is 00:20:50 before you wreck yourself. I have sex with my thumb every day. I mean, it's one of five digits. Oh, fuck. You know, this makes me feel so bad for the people in, uh, all the gay guys in New Jersey that this is what they get for their gay events, is they get Melissa Gorga
Starting point is 00:21:06 at a theme park. If any gay people don't live in New York or Los Angeles, it's their fault. It is their fault. Look at our gay life. You stand out on Ben's balcony and see if we can watch MJ somewhere binging on a bowl of meat. And then abusing her fat little
Starting point is 00:21:23 chihuahuas. I cannot wait. I mean, this is what makes the world go round. Sounds fabulous to me. Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, we have to deride the gays in New Jersey so that way we can feel better about our pathetic existence here in Hollywood where it should be really awesome and exciting
Starting point is 00:21:38 and it's not. Yeah, no, it's not. So let's go on and talk about the shows now. Let's start with Real Housewives of New York City because it was recent and it was crazy. Shut up, Aviva. Jesus Christ. I can't even deal.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I hate her with all of my being. Now, Matt, you'll be so happy to know that I'm 100% on Team Heather now. Finally! What took you so long? Well, because she was a passive-aggressive bitch for the first part of the season, but... She was just paving the way. She was just sort of, I think, getting her spilches
Starting point is 00:22:12 out. But, um, now Aviva is... It's no longer Rosh Hashanah, no more of those terms. Listen, we're talking about Aviva, and Aviva is a Jewess if I ever met one, and so I can use any sort of chuh sounds around Aviva. Okay, fine. But, um, gosh, she is off her rocker. I mean, she is making me have sympathy
Starting point is 00:22:28 for Sonia and Ramona and they're off their rockers too. Exactly. Ronnie, don't you think that when people like Ben and myself who hate Sonia and Ramona, you know, beyond belief, when we are starting to have sympathy
Starting point is 00:22:41 for them because of Aviva, don't you think that there's a serious problem there? Yeah, I think that that's how reality shows work. They make you hate people, and then they redeem them by having more hateful people come on. And then you're just so conflicted that you have to keep watching it. Here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:22:56 I mean, with Aviva, all season long, we were like, gosh, she does nothing, she does nothing. And now she's flipped her lid, and we're like, shut up! And on top of that, you know what I don't like about her is really the righteous element of her streaming. Totally. You know, she, I wrote down this quote. She talks like a schoolmarm. She does. I wrote down this
Starting point is 00:23:14 quote because she said, I think to Sonya, where she says, don't confuse anger with ranting and raving. I'm sorry, that's actually exactly what ranting and raving is. That's anger. And angry people rant and rave. So what is she talking about? And only assholes say quotes from the dictionary about, you know, specific definitions.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Shut the fuck up. I know. The fact that we had to have the definition of white trash trotted out like umpteen times this episode was ridiculous. Here's the funny thing. Sonia admits that she likes to get drunk, sleep around with dudes, and that she's having money problems and that she's kind of white trash. She doesn't need an asshole like Aviva to tell her that. Aviva is
Starting point is 00:23:52 just projecting her own insecurities about her playboy father onto these women and that's the problem with it. Well, one of the other pieces of gossip that was down at the bottom of the page, so sorry, is that Ramona and Sonia have been accused of being really, really wasted. I mean, we've seen them drunk, but, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:09 last night they all started making comments about how Ramona and Sonya are always wasted. Apparently they've cut a bunch of the stuff of them just falling all over the place because this whole season all they've been doing is getting wasted and acting like assholes. And Ramona rebutted with another article, because, you know, the housewives all fight in articles. So Ramona rebutted with her own article that was saying that Carol was high the whole time at St. Bart's, and she was so high that she couldn't even tell what was going on. Okay, let's call a spade a spade.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Ramona and Sonia were fucking loaded, Carol was high as a kite, Luann was fucking some French dudes, and Heather was probably just passed out because she smashed her nose. That's exactly what happened. Aviva was jealous. Actually, what I really think... Sorry to cut you off. No worries. Look how civil we are.
Starting point is 00:24:53 It's only because there's glasses near us. It's a new Jew year. It's a new Jew year. I think actually the real root of Aviva's hostility is that I think she was upset with these women for something that they did in Miami. When they were at her condo, I think actually the real root of Aviva's hostility is that I think she was upset with these women from something that they did in Miami. When they were at her condo, I think they annoyed her in a certain way, and she kept it in because she was trying to be nice. And then they did this thing with her fundraiser, and that pissed her off.
Starting point is 00:25:18 And then this whole ridiculous thing with the— Reed. Yeah, Reed. I think that really she just had something festering inside of her. No, you're right. Now she's on a rampage and she can't be stopped. It was really kind of like three strikes for them, for her, and look, they're annoying, they're obnoxious,
Starting point is 00:25:34 they're terrible, but a lot of times I think that these new women are trying to really secure themselves another season on this show. The difference with Aviva is, she is so fucking crazy and pissed off and angry right now that everything that comes out of her mouth is so righteous and she truly does believe it.
Starting point is 00:25:52 She's not making a play for another season. She's just fucking nuts. Well, I think that she's watched it. I think that they watch it. I think she made the same mistake Heather did. Heather watched the show. She saw what an asshole Ramona was and she said to herself, if I go on that show,
Starting point is 00:26:06 I'm not taking that woman's shit, and everyone in the country is going to back me up because Ramona's a crazy bitch. But the thing is, Ramona has a way of being a crazy bitch and still entertaining you, so people tend to be on her side. So Aviva, probably filming these scenes, thinks that everyone's
Starting point is 00:26:21 going to love her, and now that she's watching them and everyone hates her, oh, she must just be a wreck. And I love it. I love imagining Aviva sobbing on her couch and cradling her leg like it's a teddy bear. A very stiff teddy bear. Yes. More like a Teddy Ruxpin.
Starting point is 00:26:38 She had a terrible youth. Reed, didn't you hear me? I came home. Why didn't you welcome me home? Where is my welcome home, Reed? Where's my banner? Where's my banner? Go down there and thank the limo driver Get on your knees and thank him for bringing me home
Starting point is 00:26:54 I want a party, I want a banner And I want a helicopter from Sheree I want an ice cream cake She doesn't fucking eat, are you kidding? I want a bouquet of flowers Oh my god She needs to just stop it She needs to meet Jules Aaron cake. She doesn't fucking eat. Are you kidding? I want a bouquet of flowers. Oh my god. She needs to just stop it. She needs to meet Jalzeron,
Starting point is 00:27:09 go to lunch, and they both just need to shut up together at the same time. The funny thing is you mentioned Heather a minute ago. I think that a few episodes into the show, Heather realized Ramona is so fucking crazy. There's no point in battling her that much. So you can see that at the same time that
Starting point is 00:27:26 Heather kind of backs up and just is like I'm not going to engage with Ramona is the time that Aviva ramps up her crazy fight with her and Heather's just like Heather's looking like a saint at this point. Yeah, oh exactly. The thing is this, Heather was never righteous with Ramona and you know what? Ramona
Starting point is 00:27:42 really wasn't that righteous and same with Sonya with any of their fights. And the truth is this. Sonya is off her rocker, but when she was defending herself against Aviva, I thought she defended herself very well. Right, she was drinking water, not wine. And she was very direct, and
Starting point is 00:27:58 she was like, listen, you said some really nasty things about me. You can't take them back. And then Aviva is the one who's fake here. Aviva's the one who starts off this luncheon saying, ugh, well, you know I love you, you know, and I say this because I love you. And then all of a sudden, next thing you know, she's saying the nastiest things to Sonia.
Starting point is 00:28:14 I don't even remember. It's like a blurb. It was the most nasty thing. I mean, look, going after the children is bad slash I love it. Some other people think it's inappropriate, but when Aviva is sitting across from that table from Sonia and she goes, I have never seen such a sad sight in my life. A woman like you on a downward
Starting point is 00:28:29 spiral. Your life is falling apart. I mean, it was more condescending than anything Luann has ever said, and that is saying a lot. I think I have seen a woman on a downward spiral. I think it's called Aviva trying to dance. She's sort of swirling on down to the dance floor.
Starting point is 00:28:46 She's literally getting a heel stuck in the dance floor and just turning around in circles and spiraling. Really spinning downwards. Yeah, I was actually really proud of dumbass Sonia. I mean, I think Sonia is one of the biggest, drunkest, quittiest sluts
Starting point is 00:29:01 ever. And I actually completely agree with everything that Aviva says. I just wish she wouldn't say it 5,000 times. You make a good point. You're right. Because everything she is saying is right. And Sonya's daughter should be ashamed, and Sonya should be ashamed of being a horrible mother. She is getting fucked up the butt in front of cameras and people
Starting point is 00:29:18 who are talking about her getting passed around like an hors d'oeuvre train. It's gross. And she should be a better mom. And she shouldn't be marrying senior citizens who shit themselves just to get their money. And then be shocked when she doesn't get it
Starting point is 00:29:30 and they leave her first. I don't know. Sonia, I think, is kind of gross. But I was really proud of her for not taking any of Aviva's bullshit and just saying, no, I don't forgive you. I don't like you.
Starting point is 00:29:41 The end. I don't like... And she still ate. She didn't just show up she ate that she ate the shit out of that greasy pizza threw her napkin down and peaced out and was like bitch you picking up the tag as she should she had hurricane irene damages to tend to she did she had she had houses it gonna fix itself she had to call the plumber she needed to go fist the toilet for the blackberry and she was gonna eat that greasy truffle infused pizza and peace out and
Starting point is 00:30:04 by the way aviva has no moral high ground to stand on here because she was the one who tried to hook up Sonia with her sexaholic father. And I'm sorry, you can't... And this is the father that's going to accost Ramona on next week's episode and grab her, you know, batwing. Yeah. Aviva is a disaster. Oh, yeah. And yeah, she's going to get the payoff next week with her old rapist father and I have to make a side note here
Starting point is 00:30:28 and explain some one of my friends was giving me shit who listens to the show giving me shit for how much shit I'm always giving Andy Cohen cause I just he seems so nice like I'd love to hang out with Andy Cohen but I think he is so bad at his job and I was watching watch what happens live I guess last night
Starting point is 00:30:44 he's getting drunk and lazy on that show it's always been drunk and lazy but he's just so bad okay he's got ramona and he's got liz from gallery girls okay you've got crazy and total ice bitch from hell you have so much to talk about add a little more barbara walters and a little less used car salesman why are you playing a fucking game it's like hey is this a good outfit or a bad outfit guys why are you doing that why aren't you asking Liz who raped her as a baby why is she such a fucking bitch why aren't you asking Ramona when her first AA meeting is like why aren't you asking them if they think Luann's fur coat is attractive you fucking moron I know as stop getting wasted and pull in a little sensitivity and start asking people about their fucking lives I don't want to see you play a game he's pissed he's pissing away valuable time with good with
Starting point is 00:31:36 good guests I mean look I love the Sarah Jessica Parkers of the world but it's better when he has the actual show people on and I want him to ask these probing questions. I want to know why Liz has a body full of hideous tattoos that she got in Tijuana. And I'll be able to tell you a little bit about those tattoos. Thanks to Maggie, whatever her last name is. Did she tell it to you in her baby voice? We'll get there. We'll get there.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Her baby voice is kind of like her voice. Well, that changes a lot. it's not really a baby voice it's more just like Maggie okay so what else happened during New York because I remember watching the episode I felt like it lasted
Starting point is 00:32:11 for seven hours and all it was was different one on one lunch dates okay so here's what it was when Aviva was not talking about how difficult it was
Starting point is 00:32:19 for her to fly down there there was a little bit which I thought was hilarious of Luann trying to overcompensate for her cheating ass by being really affectionate with Jacques. And the way she framed it was, I didn't want Jacques to get the wrong impression, so I've just been really trying to show how much I love him.
Starting point is 00:32:36 I'm like, you are so guilty. That's what a guilty person does. That's exactly what a guilty person does, Luann. And a guilty person is normally smart enough to realize not to be on a reality TV show if you're going to lie this fucking much and make up a story about maybe we should have a baby. Yep. And what's the right impression? Because there is no right impression.
Starting point is 00:32:56 She, on camera, picked up a guy, took him home, and boned his brains out. You know what? I feel like this is the return of season one Luann, who was sort of... A man-eater. Well, she was above it all. All the other girls fought, and season one Luann just did whatever she wanted,
Starting point is 00:33:14 and she was sort of haughty, and we all sort of loved her for just being a haughty, waspy woman. Well, she was classier than the others at that point. And then she sort of got dragged down into the drama, but I think this season she's... In the beginning, she got into it a little bit, but lately she she sort of got dragged down into the drama, but I think this season she's, in the beginning, she got into it a little bit, but lately she's sort of just been above it all.
Starting point is 00:33:29 I'm going to lunch. Ramona's stalking me. Okay, I've got to go meet Jack. Yeah, that was honestly her biggest moment. And then, like, you know, the thing with when she was wearing, like, the reindeer antlers. But, like...
Starting point is 00:33:38 Or when she decided to be an Algonquin chief and say that her people were rapists, Mohawk, Tomahawk. But, you know, the thing is this. She's had so many weird missteps this season and she's really not. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.
Starting point is 00:34:02 What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less... In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:34:28 She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards,
Starting point is 00:34:53 played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.
Starting point is 00:35:13 But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. She's not getting any flag for... She's not getting into the same sort of fights that she got into last season with Alex and Ramona. That's true.
Starting point is 00:35:54 She's just sort of like floating around and having her time. You know what she does? She flies above all the haters. Ah, ah, ah, Candy Burra style. With all the class
Starting point is 00:36:02 that she did not buy because it cannot be bought. Because it cannot be purchased. With all her... Not even at Homeguns. With all the class that she did not buy because it cannot be bought. Because it cannot be purchased. Not even at Home Guns. With all her elegance. I honestly don't remember anything else in the episode except really coming away from it thinking that Heather was cool and that Carol, I mean, I think we all love Carol at this point. Carol is... Want to go to a gay bar?
Starting point is 00:36:21 I'm wasted. Ever had a shot of tequila. Hey, just put your shoes on. Tequila is something that reminds me of JFK Jr. Because he once had a bottle of tequila and I was like, I've never done a shot. And he's like, you should try one.
Starting point is 00:36:37 And then he got into a plane and died and now I think of him. Let's just not talk about it anymore. Bye. I love we were so savage to her but we love her nobody gives better confessional you know nobody gives better face on a Tyra show
Starting point is 00:36:56 nobody gives better confessional than fucking Carol Razzaloy she's really loosened up in the beginning of the season her confessionals felt a little forced they weren't great she straight up hates all the other women she is friends with Heather, in the beginning of the season her confessionals felt a little forced. They weren't great. No, she straight up hates all the other women. She is friends with Heather and hates the rest of them.
Starting point is 00:37:09 But she maligns them in a way that's very sly and clever without being abrasive the way Bethany was, you know? I mean, Bethany was very funny, too. But Carol does it in a way where she could sort of not they couldn't really falter for it at the reunion. Right, like Aviva will sit down and say
Starting point is 00:37:25 I think that Aviva was meeting with Heather and Carol for lunch and she sits down and she starts immediately ripping into Ramonia and Carol just laughs and is like, tell us how you really feel. Which means like she agrees with what Aviva is saying but she gets off without being a super bitch. You get the impression
Starting point is 00:37:42 that Carol is the only one in this franchise, or perhaps any of these franchises, who has ever really sort of seems to be approaching this like an anthropological study. Well, yes, I do think that this is going to end up being like a special on Frontline
Starting point is 00:37:54 where she's going to win an Emmy and she's going to be like, I was never there getting paid. It was just a study. Yes, totally. It was like me in the bush in Kenya. I was undercover. I was like Celestass Kenya. I was undercover. I was like Salastassel.
Starting point is 00:38:08 I was embedded in Ramona. It was worse than Iraq. I used to know Barbara Walters. Peter Jennings always loved me. It sounds like... Oh, well, what about... Okay, speaking of Peter Jennings, who died of cancer because he was a smoker,
Starting point is 00:38:24 Carol has taken up smoking pink cigarettes and Aviva lost her shit. Wait, did Peter Jennings die? Did I know that? I feel so sad. I think Peter Jennings died about eight years ago. Eight years ago. Oh my god, Peter Jennings, god bless you, pretty man. I thought he was just relaxing somewhere.
Starting point is 00:38:41 In St. Barts? You can't fucking relax in St. Barts, clearly. He's relaxing in the ground. You're thinking of Ted Koppel. Oh, God bless you, Brian. I'm so sad now. I'd have to quit the podcast now. Go cut yourself like Demi Lovato. Let's have a moment for Peter Jennings.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Peter, I love the way you looked at the camera like it was staring at you. Peter Jennings, my friend. The remix. Remember that time you hugged me at work? Remember that time you hugged me and then you apologized? And I was like, what?
Starting point is 00:39:15 That's not inappropriate. Do it again. Oh, Black Peter! So many memories. Maybe I'm thinking of Brian Williams. Brian Williams is alive and well and still looking hot on NBC. Peter Jennings was ABC, Ronnie. Oh, well, whatever.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Anywho, Ben just mentioned this a second ago, though. She's probably going to get off scot-free at the reunion. Luann was tweeting today, they are taping the reunion tomorrow. If Ramona is sending stories out that Carol was high and on drugs and all this shit, she's going to get in big trouble. Ramona is sending stories out that Carol was high and on drugs and all this shit. She's not. She's going to get in big trouble because everyone thinks Carol is the sweet, peacemaking one, which she is. But the shit she's been saying about him has been less vicious than a lot of, you know, like Bethany had a certain desperation to her, you know, that made her kind of sound like fighty. And Carol doesn't have that edge to her, but she's still said a lot of sound like fighty. And Carol doesn't have that edge to her,
Starting point is 00:40:06 but she's still said a lot of shit about these people. And they'll bring it up. Yeah, but she'll be unfazed. Because again, she's just sort of looking at it like, I run in circles that are much more powerful than you. And I am just doing this for my own entertainment. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that she's going to get too much shit. I mean, if anything, Ramona's going to go at her for a little bit,
Starting point is 00:40:26 but only because Ramona's feeling threatened. I do, however, think that the couches will be split based on hair color. I think it's going to be brunettes versus blondes, and this whole season I've been team brunette. Who knows? Aviva's going to have to go sit in the corner because everybody hates that bitch. Yeah, I don't even know what the couches... I think they're just all going to be sitting on their own separate chairs.
Starting point is 00:40:46 It'll be like the old Phil Donahue show. They'll all have a little chair. Maybe it'll be like Geraldo and someone will throw a chair. Or Jenny Jones. I love making 20 year old references. That's like my favorite thing ever. This will be like Morton Downey
Starting point is 00:41:02 Jr. Or Rolanda. What about Rolanda? She was good. Or Christina. She's still around. Oh, Xtina. Not Xtina.
Starting point is 00:41:10 That's gonna be all beam me up, Scotty! Did anything else happen on New York? No, I think we can move on. What happened in New York? I think that's done. It was just Aviva.
Starting point is 00:41:20 It was Aviva being a fucking asshole. Okay, well, I will also say this. Thank God that this season flipped the switch about four episodes in. They went down, you know, they jumped the tracks, they went crazy. The ratings are up, up, up.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Good. They are back where they belong, around 2 million viewers. They started around 1.3, so clearly the crazy is working for them. Yeah. But let's move on to Jersey, don't you think? It's back to my seat. Now, in Jersey... Okay, can I say something about this Jersey, don't you think? It's back to my seat. Now in Jersey... Jersey. Okay, can I say something about this Jersey episode?
Starting point is 00:41:48 The whole build-up was for this guy, this like low-rent Howie Mandel, who is already pretty low-rent. Who is a straight, gay assistant at a crappy hair salon on the side of a freeway. Yeah. It was supposed to like announce that Melissa, at the posh fashion show, that Melissa used to dance for him. That was in the very last minute of the entire episode. I felt so duped. And first of all, this guy was the worst producer plant of all time.
Starting point is 00:42:15 He could not recite his lines for the life of him. He could not have been more awkward. Just being like, oh, I'm familiar with your sister-in-law. She used to dance for me back in the day. Yeah, he made Teresa look like Meryl fucking Street. Yeah. Right, Ronnie? Yeah, no, no. We need your validation.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Yeah, I need validation, otherwise my life is worthless. No, I totally agree. And what, was he supposed to be working for her? I don't understand why he was there. He was supposed to be working for Kim D. And Kim D is, like, shining a flashlight on his face, like, all right, say what you got to say. Here he is. Okay, speaking of Kim...
Starting point is 00:42:51 Old artwork at your sister used to work for me. At the strip club. She was a dancer. Everyone missed her because she gave the best blowjob. Deal or no deal? New Jersey's got talent. Which briefcase would you like to open? I am Robot Howie Mandel.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Don't shake my hand. I have OCD and ADD or whatever that's called. And what sort of podunk salon hires the former owner of a strip club to do their PR. Yeah, a classy joint that serves Korbel. And you have to walk through some plastic jewels to get into the
Starting point is 00:43:34 upstairs rickety-ass makeup chair. And they play Jodie Watley on the loudspeakers. I mean, we would go there, but Teresa's too classy for that shit. And by the way, speaking of Kim how sad is this woman has anybody that's not a real housewife maybe
Starting point is 00:43:50 besides Dana Wilkie ever made such a hard play to be a fucking housewife Kim G Kim G Kim G well Kim D was the original Kim G was the original kiss ass and Kim D is now you know she one thing that's been missing from Kim D are her oversized TJ Maxx wine goblets that say Sassy Lady on them.
Starting point is 00:44:11 That were written in hot puppy paint and slash I've already made a son. See, if she had brought those to Chateau La Lure, or whatever it was called, or La Chateau Lure, then I might have been on her side. But without the goblets, I don't know. Forget about it. That woman is vile. And I love that she, you know, the whole episode opens with her calling Melissa.
Starting point is 00:44:32 Oh, hi, Melissa. It's me, Kim T. You may have heard that I was saying really mean things about your husband. You know, sometimes I say stupid things and I get caught, and this is one of those times, so I'd like to say I'm sorry. I'd love if you'd come to my fashion show. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. And then five minutes later, she's telling Teresa,
Starting point is 00:44:51 That's not the same thing. Well, it's also not an apology either way. Yeah. Yeah. And you totally did do something. And you're probably right about Midget Joe being a total crook and con man, but I just love that it didn't even make it on the show. She had to call and remind someone that she actually could have had a plot line.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Do you guys think that Melissa is a forgiving soul and she's just like a lamb out to slaughter, or in order for her to have a storyline continue, she has to make up with all these women in order to have other conversations? I think she's forgiving. I think she's forgiving. You're crazy. This is a bitter ex-stripper who saw her famous sister-in-law getting all the attention, schemed her ass onto the show
Starting point is 00:45:34 by talking shit to a castmate who she knew would bring it up in a reunion just to get herself on the show, which she finally got, and now she's pretending she's all nice. all these scenes they've reshot so that melissa is acting like oh i'm babysitting theresa's kids and we're getting along so well it's fake we know it's fake doesn't mean she's not forgiving she could be all that and
Starting point is 00:45:56 forgiving because that stuff happened way after the posh fashion show they're adding all those scenes in trying to make it look like oh melissa was so forgiving and then theresa stabbed her in the back okay ronnie i'm not team melissa by any means but why do you think bravo is trying to position her like that i mean i think the melissa as the good girl is going to get old really fucking fast they need to have her on a really high cross so they can rip her ass down from it yeah that's true too please Are we getting to that point where we're going to build her up, build her up, and the next season she's going to be the one to get torn down for
Starting point is 00:46:29 being a prostitute stripper? Oh yeah. Please God. I mean, they're done with Teresa. What the hell is she going to do now? Teresa actually had a protective response to this Howie Mandel guy. She actually was like, I don't want to hear it, you know, which was probably the
Starting point is 00:46:45 first genuinely upstanding thing she's ever done since the Gorgas came on the show. Totally agree. If that was legitimate, she would have gone to the show and said, Melissa, that guy over there, I just want to warn you that this is what he told me, and I don't want there to be any
Starting point is 00:47:02 trouble tonight. I actually don't think that she thought that that creepy dude was going to show up at the dinner at the Posh fashion show because clearly he was an assistant at a hair salon and he was a plant at the fashion show. I think that she was really taken aback when he showed up and she actually was speechless. My god, you guys will
Starting point is 00:47:18 fall for any damn thing. Oh my god, I'm so gullible. I love falling for it. You are full of shit. You honestly believe Teresa had nothing to do with that? I'm not full of shit. Well love falling for it. You are full of shit. You honestly believe Teresa had nothing to do with that? I'm not full of shit. Well, I guess, well, I don't think Teresa had that guy come, to be honest. I just think she sells every story to
Starting point is 00:47:33 Life and Style or Life and Touch or Touch My Life or whatever. I don't think that she got the guy to come. I think that was Kim D. But she knew what was going to happen and she could have worn Melissa and she did. And I think that she enjoyed it. But here's the thing. Have you seen Melissa perform, like, the song, these songs that she wants?
Starting point is 00:47:54 She comes out in, like, a thong and fishnet stockings and, like, a bra. And drive rates. Aviva Drescher over here. I know, Ronnie. Like, you're such a prude. I know. Like, every pop star wears that, if not less. You guys, but I'm saying, what's the embarrassment with being a stripper?
Starting point is 00:48:08 Like, what's the difference? Like, at least she had a job. Why is she acting like a stripper? She's doing the same thing now. Like, because you're lip-syncing to a song that your husband paid, like, half a million dollars to make for you, that makes you somehow classier? You're still a hoe gyrating your shit around for money,
Starting point is 00:48:24 bitch. Do you think Lauren Manzo will ever turn to the pole? Well I've been to a bar called the Fault Line. Which is a bear bar here in Los Angeles. Oh my god. I went for the first time on Saturday night. And they made fun of me in the bar. For being too skinny. I walked in with a few of my friends.
Starting point is 00:48:40 And we turned around. And we walked right back out. And we asked for our money back. And outside there were these big mean bears smoking and they were like, oh, thank God that Benetton ad is leaving. How rude! I think that's pretty funny. That's pretty good, actually.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Were you with a minority or were they just talking about your clothes? Were you wearing Benetton? How progressive of you. I was just wearing like a polo but everybody else in there was like wearing like dirty beer stained shredded sweats. Yeah, and like peeing on each other.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Okay, well, the reason I bring it up is because they've got like 350 pound, 400 pound strippers. I mean, these dudes are in like thongs. That's the other reason why we left. I think that Lauren could come work in the gay bar fault line in a thong. You know she has a mustache and a fucking full-on beard, too. That is assuming that her business isn't as successful as the Bailey agency down in Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:49:31 That's true. Yeah, Lauren. I'm selling makeup, candy, egg salad, and cereal, and Rice Krispies, and pillow shams, and Euro shams, and new tilesams and Euro shams and new tiles and I'm also
Starting point is 00:49:48 going to sell cell phones because I'm looking at a Euro sham in my bedroom right now so I'm thinking about I'm also selling bedroom sets at cafes Oh my god Euro shams stenciled onto them
Starting point is 00:50:03 sides of pins in case people lose the inside part of the kit I got a Euro fam. Stencil bond to them. Sides of pens in case people lose the inside part of their kit. Selling slow cookers. So if you want to take one of my egg salad sandwiches and put in the slow cooker and make a something with it. I'm going to throw up if you keep talking about Lauren Manzo handling egg salad. I'm really going to vomit. I'm also going to sell egg salad bites. If you only want to have a little bit, if you only had the lap band, it can only take so much in. Egg salad bites made by my brother, my brother Albie. I'm going to be selling baby spoons.
Starting point is 00:50:37 They're just big enough to take a little tiny bite of things that you like. So if you want some butter, you could just have a little tiny bite instead of a whole stick. And then I'm gonna sell some really big spoons that you hide for when you take big bites, but you don't want people to know you took a big bite. And then you hide them under your Euro sham. You hide it in the Euro sham, which is really full of butter and egg
Starting point is 00:50:58 salad. You're gonna hide inserts for couch cushions so that when you shove wrappers there while you're watching TV, they won't attract bugs. You just have to pull out the lineup and you'll get all the crumbs and trash out of it. And when people are like, this feels weird when I
Starting point is 00:51:14 sit on it, you just tell them it's one of those thermo mattresses. Thermo whatever. We sell those too. We sell those too. We sell mattresses, the thermo foam. They look like Q-tips, but they're really long. And they're not for your ears. They're for those creases that when you're sitting on the couch watching TV,
Starting point is 00:51:32 you can just lift up your stomach and clean in the crease and get the orange cracker dust out of there. We also sell soccer balls so that when people come in, you're like, no, I'm not eating. I'm playing soccer. I'm playing Saka. I'm a healthy lifestyle. We're also going to sell day breadsticks from Olive Garden. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:53 I can only eat one bite at a time, but they're unlimited. So I get baskets of them and I put them in bags. And if I think they're going to turn too dry before I can get a chance to eat a bite of them, I'll put them out in the front of the store. You know how some people have mints? I'll have breadsticks. And she's going to call them fucking biscotti because they got hard.
Starting point is 00:52:12 I know we're going to put on the biscotti if they're too dry. I can take my big hidden spoon and put some egg salad on the biscotti and I'm going to eat the biscotti. Oh, also selling, because we do cosmetics, we have a shampoo.
Starting point is 00:52:26 But the shampoo is actually egg salad. And you put it in your hair. It does really great things for your hair. And then we also sell razors. So if you want to exfoliate your face like my mom, you just shave your face, even if you have no hair. How could I forget that? Caroline shaves her face like a man. Yeah, that's the sort of beauty tip you get at Cafes.
Starting point is 00:52:45 Oh, my God. forget that Caroline shaves her face like a man. Yeah, that's the sort of beauty tip you get at Cafes. Well, then I'm glad that Lauren Manzo's gonna turn the entire state of New Jersey into bearded fucking women. With egg salad. With egg salad. Did anything else happen? Oh, Jacqueline talked to my new next-door neighbor. Yeah. Ashley, who got more tattoos.
Starting point is 00:53:02 The Albies, yes. Trashy tattoos. She got a tattoo that said Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, Winnie. I was about to say how dumb they are for not knowing what it is. But it's the famous Julius Caesar quote, I came, I saw, I conquered.
Starting point is 00:53:18 And the best... Sucky, fucky, five dollar. It's that and, like, Japanese. But I love how Jackson hadn't even heard of it i mean look i can't remember i was this latin student i can't remember when you would eat whatever it was but at least when i see it on paper i know exactly what it is even if i can't say the only person that's going to be seeing that is the dude that's taking her from behind and pulling her hair up yeah behind the former 2020 video that closed down and became a paint
Starting point is 00:53:43 shop wait the porn store is not open near us anymore? It's at Benjamin Moore. That's why I moved into this neighborhood. And soon to be a cafés, I'm sure. Soon to be cafés store too. Cafés West. Cafés West. I love it. Everyone's going to think it's a pet store. Watch The X Factor, yes or no?
Starting point is 00:53:59 Of course. I haven't seen it yet. I do not watch it, but I just posted the recap on TVgasm and the first video she's posting is of Jedward. Do you know who they are? I'm obsessed with them. They were on the UK version, and they're reality TV stars, and they're best friends with Tara Reid. Love them.
Starting point is 00:54:16 They were on Celebrity Big Brother in England or Britain. What do you say? England or Britain? Because people always... Nobody says England. UK. Whatever. I'm stupid. So them. I love them! Jedward!
Starting point is 00:54:28 Okay. The other thing is Kathy brought her desserts into the Bindi place. How disgusting is Rich? Rich kept on making so many bad jokes and inappropriate jokes. He's so disgusting. He is disgusting. C-word jokes about his wife.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Yeah, I actually was clutching my pearls i joke about clutching my pearls but i actually did when he made the c-word comment about his wife during that it was disgusting yeah why does she bring him why does she bring him why are any of these women with any of these men kathy is amazing she's a good mother um rich is a good guy he's crude he's a good guy and but here a good guy. He's crude, but he's a good guy. But here's the thing. I actually think that Kathy, out of all these dumb whores that think that they have business plans, Kathy can actually make desserts that look amazing and delicious.
Starting point is 00:55:16 And if she were able to find a way to freeze them and put them in a grocery store, I would buy them. I would honestly get her cookbook, especially if someone sent it to us for free I would make some of the things I would make some of the desserts and yes please autograph and I would make the desserts and we could try them here live on the podcast I would just try them because I can't cook
Starting point is 00:55:36 and you're also living a healthy lifestyle you're in the Lauren I'm a secret eater though at night oh with your big spoon with my big spoon and my I'm going to borrow a Euro sham before I leave. But all the egg salad. It's all the egg salad.
Starting point is 00:55:50 I can't remember really anything else from the episode, so should we go on to Miami? Or do we have any other things? Did anything else happen on Jersey, you guys? Oh, I wanted to say one more thing about all the drama that was happening. Someone put in the comments, which I know is not the New York Times, but I take comments very seriously, you guys.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Especially on iTunes. Oh, and someone left in the comments on the recap that all that drama, there's a producer from New Jersey that got fired right after all of this happened. producer from New Jersey that got fired right after all of this happened. And they're saying that when they check their... They're all checking their phones at the same time when they're sitting around that table. And the producer is telling them that this guy... What's about to happen?
Starting point is 00:56:34 That this guy's about to come up and confront Teresa. And that it was all producer manipulation. And Teresa actually did not know this guy. She didn't set it up. And she actually was surprised, and this was all producer manipulation to make Teresa look stupid. Ronnie, Ben and I are buying that whole fucking story.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Yeah, well, that's what they're saying, that it was some producer. I think her name is Carol, and she got fired. So that's the rumor. So I don't know if that's true or not, but I just have to share juicy comments, and thank you for whoever left that juicy comment. That was great. Are we ready to head? Right?
Starting point is 00:57:07 That was fantastic. Are we ready to head south? Let's head south. We are ready to change shows, but we are almost at the hour long mark. And we've got two more pretty big shows to discuss. So I would love to suggest splitting this up into a two-parter. Ooh, it's a cliffhanger, everyone. It's like a season finale.
Starting point is 00:57:27 So if you guys want to hear our thoughts on Real Housewives of Miami, and more importantly, if you want to hear us do our voices, and if you want to hear our thoughts on Gallery Girls and also my experience with Maggie, then you'll just have to wait for the next podcast. We've also got some really good Amy gossip.
Starting point is 00:57:45 So we will get this podcast posted now and we'll have this one. God, when Friday, the weekend. Yeah, it's probably for the, for the weekend. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:54 By the weekend. Love you guys. Thanks. Bye guys. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitforitcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore.
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Starting point is 00:59:19 You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

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