Watch What Crappens - #350: Hitting the Iceberg

Episode Date: November 29, 2016

Vanderpump is on a roll this season. Stress binges, douche firings and blouse poppings galore. We also check in on RHOA and Below Deck. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcra...ppens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Timestamps: 0 Intro and Vanderpump Rules 1:04:00 RHOA 1:22:10 Below Deck See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:02:21 Mia Hansen Aloha, Christy Doherty, and our special super premium sponsor, the gorgeous, sexy Madge with a sexy J. We love you girls. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast. And here I am with the gorgeous, talented, and well-stuffed Ben Mantelker of the B-Side Blog and the Banta Blinda. Hello.
Starting point is 00:02:53 I'm so stuffed. I am plumped up like a goose going in for some foie gras treatment. I have probably gained about 10 pounds since we last spoke. Well, you know that the time is right to do our podcast because someone has started sawing something across the street from Ben. And a leaf blower will probably show up at any moment because that's how we roll. I can't believe you can hear the sound of that. Dude, the second we started, it was like, every time. Yeah, someone is like, I don't know what's going on out there. At least it's not the normal drill.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Literally, there's normally a drill going off during a podcast. But you know what, though? The podcast is young. It'll start up soon, I'm sure. Unlike the entire cast of Vanderpump Rules. Such a fun show today. We've got so many good things to talk about. I mean, Vanderpump Rules was a classic.
Starting point is 00:03:50 It was an amazing episode. Should we just jump right into vanderpump well let's do our little uh housekeeping stuff first oh yeah i forgot okay everybody yeah it's our first show post thanksgiving so my brain cells are still being digested yeah i swallowed a bunch of those uh come to watch what crappens.com for all these links go to patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens to become a premium subscriber. And that's where you get our bonus episodes. We just did our Married to Medicine slash Thanksgiving bonus episode. Oh, such a fun episode. I was like, I could have gone on for like another hour just like chatting. Yeah, it was over an hour of goodness.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Recapping real life and married to medicine Houston. You can come on to Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. That's where all the listeners hang out and talk at the live show threads. You can comment on these episodes that you're listening to right now. And that's it, right? Yep. What did I forget? Okay, that's it.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Subscribe on iTunes. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Subscribe on iTunes and all that. And thank you for everything you do for us. Thank you. We're still in the Thanksgiving Subscribe on iTunes and all that. And thank you for everything you do for us. Thank you. We're getting thanks.
Starting point is 00:04:47 We're still in the Thanksgiving spirit. So we're saying thank you again. Thank you, turkeys. Okay. We're now doing Southern accents because we're just doing Marriage Medicine Houston. We love you with all our heart, even though you smell like a fart. I mean, it was a very classy married to medicine episode guys yes it was great um speaking of classy let's just dive into vanderpump rules because this week's episode
Starting point is 00:05:13 last night's episode oh my god it was every single thing was cracking me up everything was great about it this to me was like why we tune into vanderp Well, you know, when you're driving on Fountain and you're like, who the hell in L.A. eats at a place called Fat Sal's? And then you find out. Have you ever been to Fat Sal's? I mean, they really are like chicken fingers, cheese, french fries, pepperoni, and steak on a sandwich. I mean, that place ain't fucking around. And everyone in there is thin. Here's, by the way way a siren outside just to add to the noise my heart attack that i'm having from even talking
Starting point is 00:05:50 about fat sows yeah that's probably an ambulance going directly to fat sows um i actually was there about three weeks ago two weeks ago um i went there i mean seriously it's watch this ambulance stop right outside my god Die on your own time. I live across from an old folks home. They're always over there. I'm like, really, what is the fireman going to do for you? Okay. Can you guys clear the dead Russians with a quieter car?
Starting point is 00:06:15 It's not like a shock. Well, so anyway, I was at Fat Sal's about two weeks ago, two, three weeks ago. I was there at like 1230 or 1245 a.m. I was getting just like a sandwich late at night because I do – like their normal sandwiches are really good. It's just they have crazy sandwiches that I stay away from. And I went in and, oh my god, I'm like the only person over 22 in there. Everyone was like a youngin and they've got this like loud hip-hop music playing sports on tv and like everyone was just like they were just coming from the club a lot of like basics in there i mean
Starting point is 00:06:52 no surprise and then it was me and i never felt so old you know i don't care how old you people are fat sals get off the skateboards i mean you're just too old for a skateboard i don't even care i mean everybody here it's like you're 40 what are you doing on a skateboard mean you're just too old for a skateboard i don't even care i mean everybody here it's like you're 40 what are you doing on a skateboard if you're gonna kill yourself do it with like drugs or something adult like you know i just on on jet blue last night i was watching an episode of love it or list it and the husband of the there was a couple and the husband it was like this 40 year old skateboarding professor and he was like oh well i need to have a skate park in the backyard and hillary was like well that's I need to have a skate park in the backyard.
Starting point is 00:07:26 And Hillary was like, well, that's ridiculous, and I'm not going to build that for you. And he's like, he's like, well, I need it. It's on the list. And she's like,
Starting point is 00:07:34 ha ha ha, you're ridiculous. They literally were getting into a fight, and she was like, I have $85,000, and I have to make three bathrooms, and I have to put in a new kitchen, and like a new roof, and you want me to build a skate park.
Starting point is 00:07:45 He's like, yeah. She's like, no, it's not going to happen. It was like half the episode with them fighting. I was like, you are such a douchebag. In the end, she wound up making the skate park, of course. That shit is hilarious. No, I will not do that for you. Grow up. She was basically like that. She's like, well, do you want a kitchen or do you
Starting point is 00:08:04 want to be able to skate? I want to kick people on skateboards over so bad it's an epidemic here 40 year olds on skateboards and i live on a street that's downhill and so i'm walking my dog all innocently and then they come barreling down they're like what's up bro i want to kick them off so bad or whip out some gravel from my pocket and just sprinkle the road with it you know watch them by the way you know in the end the skateboarder he he decided to love the place because they put in the skate park but i'm like you know what i wish you had actually said you wanted a list because i guarantee the skate park would have actually driven the price down because who wants a skate park in their backyard it's like i mean a very specific demographic who is wanting a skate park she should have just built them a pool.
Starting point is 00:08:45 I mean, that's like the. Exactly. That's all they really need. And then they could just fill it up later and then it would add value. Thank you. I will be on HGTV soon. So anyway, we've barely even gotten past like the first exterior image of this show. You know how some people look so much prettier without makeup?
Starting point is 00:09:06 Like some girls are like, oh, my my god why are you even wearing makeup we met ariana's brother this week and i was like whoa keep the makeup because i have a feeling this kid looks just like you and without makeup she's probably like oh man you know from the looney tunes ariana is actually like gorgeous and she is one of the only people on this entire cast that is not like totally messed up her face with injections and and who knows what else i know but her brother is similar to her but he's like a total doof looking kid i mean he's a kid you know he's basically like he's basically like a combination of ariana and max so that's that's true actually wow that's a good observation yeah so um so they're there and they're talking ariana and max so that's that's true actually wow that's a good observation yeah so um so they're
Starting point is 00:09:48 there and they're talking ariana's talking about how like the brothers moved in with like with her and tom and that they're not having as much sex uh and then lala uh drives up in her in her controversial range rover and um and they're and they're again like talking about the range rover rumors and i like how she's basically like listen i'm sucking dick for a lot more than Range Rovers, honey. Really? Because you're eating at Fat Sal's. So what exactly are you getting from these dicks? Free sandwiches. Yeah, she totally doesn't suck dick for more than a sandwich and a Range Rover.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Let's face it. I mean, that's good payment now. You can get blowjobs for free. So I say if you get a Range Rover. Let's face it. I mean, that's good payment now. You can get blowjobs for free. So I say if you get a Range Rover, good for you, girl. I like when Ariana was like, I wish this place had hooks under the table for your purse. And her brother goes, you should invent those.
Starting point is 00:10:36 You'll be rich. And she's like, actually, they already have those. And he goes, they do? I totally missed that. I saw when she asked about the hooks. I didn't see him being like shocked at the innovations of hooks hook innovations also at fat cells there's always there's a tiny parking lot there and so no one can ever park and they're always parked illegally
Starting point is 00:10:57 and someone's like so anybody in a volkswagen passat Volkswagen Passat. And just the controversy that it caused because Tom looked so annoyed that someone was making an announcement during his lunch. He was like, We're shooting you, man. This is our art, man. Come on, man. I don't want to have to reshoot this scene.
Starting point is 00:11:22 I've already had three of your hoagies, man. Lala's like, not me. Otherwise, they wouldn't question my car. Maybe I should get a Passat. And Ariana goes, yeah, you need a new car just to bring to the restaurant so people are nicer to you. And Tom's like, yeah, you need a burner car, man. Ariana's brother's like, whoa, is that like a car for going to Burning Man? every now and his brother's like whoa is that like a car for going to burning man so we find out that um james lala had to d-man his apartment whatever that means i mean he's
Starting point is 00:11:52 living in some old guy's apartment i don't know how you're gonna do that but unless you like burn the old man but she she announces that james has a girlfriend and she's coming in town and she's a pageant girl named Raquel. Yeah. I was like, whoa, where did this come from? Okay. This is getting interesting.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Yeah. Um, and I think not long after that, we then cut to James's apartment. Right. And in anticipation of Raquel's triumphant return to his place, he's blowing up a few like dollar store balloons and like done that thing where you rub them on like on the side of
Starting point is 00:12:25 like your shirt to get the sack electricity and stick them on the side of the wall so it just looked like a really crappy kindergartner's classroom yeah it really did and he had um like some flowers you know from like the roses roses lady downstairs and then he had uh did you notice the pink himalayan sea salt candle from Ross? LOL. I did not notice that. By the way, I did love how everyone at Fat Sal's was laughing at the idea of this girl coming in and then they're just like sleeping on his like air mattress behind a screen. Yeah, well, there's an old dude behind them. Lala's like, even I'm not going to butt my guy's peepee with a man behind a screen. Yeah, even Lala has standards, guys.
Starting point is 00:13:07 And I like that when James is talking about her, he's bragging. He's like, yeah, I met Raquel when I was at Pump on New Year's Eve while I was DJing because I'm a rock star. This girl is sad enough that she spent her New Year's Eve at Pump. I mean, look, we all love to go to Pump every once in a while. But New Year's Eve, girl, you paying $ love to go to pump every once in a while but new year's eve girl you paying 500 to go to pump you're really sad yeah yeah girl you need i mean like i know those pageants don't turn up a lot of money turn out a lot of money but but please this girl actually looked like a cross between lala she has a little lala to her um and christina kelly she has like christina yeah in her face she looked
Starting point is 00:13:45 like a uh like a big squished up version of a lot of these fucked up faces on this show i just i just love these uh these pretty young imbeciles who come on without doing any due diligence aka watching any of the shows from previous seasons and they come on truly just to be famous and even if it means sleeping with the most wretched human beings on earth. I mean, sleeping with any dude that says, I played Beyonce and I got a girlfriend. You're disgusting. Just be quiet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:16 And I like how James, like, explains. He's explaining all the wonderful aspects of Raquel. He's like, Raquel's a beauty pageant girl. And also, she works with special needs kids. I'm like, well, that explains a lot about your relationship then. She's going to help me make some poopy and some pee-pee and a toy toy. He's like, she works with special needs kids. Unlike Kristen, who is special needs.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Wait, good one there. My special needs joke was much better i love when james pulls out a retard joke oh james classy hugs james classy hugs well the good thing the thing that i like the most about raquel is that she did take a good look at this okay and she did see that this is the best that she's gonna get okay the best thing about raquel is that she thinks balloons sticking to the wall is magic. She doesn't understand gravity. That's why she hates that song from Wicked. She's like, I'm defying gravity, okay.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Here comes another truck, excuse me. It's the Vanderpump Express coming through. No kidding. Something not defying gravity. The garbage truck cleaning up whatever disaster just happened out there just wait till the garbage truck comes through because that is like world war three it's like for like 20 minutes like they're shaking every last piece of scrap out of that dumpster um speaking of dumpsters so uh james is like talking so raquel shows up and james is once again saying oh i got into a bit of trouble you know it's like but people are jealous of me people
Starting point is 00:15:50 just so jealous of me they're so jealous because i'm not serving fried chicken and goat cheese and panadas they're jealous of me and she goes well if pursuing your dream upsets people then just brush it off and he's like you're perfect darling you're perfect you're perfection she's like you're perfection it's like you so are getting like five diseases right now you know that right i hope you got some some antibacterial soap or something to be wiping down there because you about to get sick girl she's like why won't this cold go away why and that was the end of raquel we didn't share the rest of the episode she really was only there we we just had to they had to give us a scene of
Starting point is 00:16:31 raquel so that way later on we would understand how things got so out of control what was what was she a beauty pageant of because they kept showing her you know ribbon thing or whatever that you wear around your bikini when you're you know what i mean it was like the cul-de-sac of the mount i was like what are you from miss northern sacramento like 2013 or something like like miss mendocino modesto county runner-up oh so next we go to cafe demi-tasse i used to work at a place called cafe demi-tasse in trump tower in new york city in 1994 what do you think of that guys wow little known secret when i was a child i loved going into trump tower that was like my favorite place yes we worked it's like it was an escalator they're like escalators and atriums like when Little known secret, when I was a child, I loved going into Trump Tower. That was, like, my favorite place.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Yes. We worked in the basement. It was like, it was an escalator. There were, like, escalators and atriums. Like, when you're a kid, like, I don't know about you, when I was a kid, I loved escalators. Going on a ride on the escalator was, like, the best. No, I couldn't enjoy it because my mom was like, do you know how many children have died on those? Stay still! And I was, like, bad.
Starting point is 00:17:42 I would always love to have my, my like shoes bump the thing at the top and now now i'm like ah it's like jumping over oh god yeah my mom had us thinking we would be dead if we like didn't pay attention on the escalator i still i was at the grove the other day and you know you see everybody on the escalator and there were kids playing on it and i was like they're gonna die like it never leaves your brain you know yeah it's just that they're shoelaces that's all so anyway um so at at demitas so uh stassi kristin and katie were hanging out and i'm just like already laughing because these three are so evil and now that they're finally reunited as a group they have like returned to their season one nastiness and it is perfection because they're like old and fat now like it's so good when they're still trying to be like evil waitresses in their 20s i'm like you bitches are 40 now you know
Starting point is 00:18:29 and they're being so mean to each other and kristen's like i know i'm older but like i'm gonna get i'm gonna get veneers like i'm getting all my teeth taken out and i'm gonna get veneers like just in case because i'd like to think guys still like me. Veneriously. Veneriously. Veneriously, Tom. I mean, think about the desperation of that, can we? Just getting all your teeth taken out and getting new ones put in just because you want to get fucked. I thought she was just joking when she said that, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:19:03 To be fair to Kristen, I thought she was actually just being tongue-in-cheek no she literally got all her teeth taken out and got new teeth that's true which is an amazing feat that you can do that in one morning she's like yeah it's done look i thought there's like a long process but pretty much everything i've learned about dental procedures i learned from america's next top model so you know what do i know um that's true so uh his faces so um uh this was great so the girls were all there and um this is it gave them a chance all um to brew up some hatred towards sheena which is really really the heart of the show this show is built on hatred towards gina if you really think about it really is so kristin's like yeah so i was like hanging out with sheena like seriously and she was saying carter to sheena's parents i mean just think about that for a minute oh i missed that carter she took carter to like azusa yeah she took carter over the she knows parents
Starting point is 00:20:00 let me just go why were there no cameras there why I know Carter wind up with a butterfly tattoo on his wrists he comes back and he's like he's really into crop tops I like the Carter's talking and Kristin out seriously seriously seriously I'll pay for 40% of this check so anyway so kristen says that um that sheena was saying how like katie really hurt sheena's feelings because last episode katie was drunk and was like you know sheena it's just that like you were talking to lala and like it's like you're i don't want to be the girl that says you can't talk to lala but like that's like fucked up because like where's your loyalty it just made me feel just
Starting point is 00:20:45 made me feel sad it's all just like i don't know i don't like i don't need my fans questioning me stupid katie by the way that what was so great about this episode is that we got a million hilarious flashbacks to katie being like petulant or whiny or angry or self-interested you know it was amazing yeah this was not a katie positive episode the people who run this show hate katie's guts i mean they were horrible to katie and hilariously so i was dying i was like another montage of basically katie being a dick but more importantly katie's terrible hair over the seasons i mean every clip was just more it was just more and more terrible than the clip before it you know but you know at the same time i'm actually
Starting point is 00:21:30 appreciating this because i feel like the you know with katie i'm always like katie she's so boring she's whiny and annoying but i feel like this season we're finally getting a good like sense of like why we should um hate katie's like uh love to hate katie you know like like we're getting a feeling like you know kristin we love to hate her because she's just like a crazy person and stassi is just such a huge bitch and but katie is now like it's just so funny to see how how terrible she is in her own whiny sad way i feel like we're really good and the whole world hates her right now i mean i know i sound like kelly dodd the whole world loves me but um i feel like the whole she probably feels like oh my god the entire world fucking hates me twitter's like fuck you katie so katie when she
Starting point is 00:22:17 hears that sheena got her feeling got her feelings hurt katie's like it's just you know like you know when i try to have a critical conversation which is hilarious because she's just drunk, you know, I try to have a critical conversation with Sheena and she becomes so defensive. It's like not fair. Yeah, it's like not fair. Like, and Stassi's like, it's a loyalty thing. It's like a loyalty thing. thing i mean if you want to be part of this group uh uh uber driver a waitress and no one knows what kristin does yet but still like if you want to be a part of this power trio she's like level two at ucb okay she like killed the game like one time out of five so she's like a headliner for like
Starting point is 00:23:00 the improvs basement room by the furnace i just in their mind they're such a huge pat like this power pack of girls it's like the it's like the heathers with no red scrunchies like you guys don't even have scrunchies you suck you have nothing to offer yeah i just um i just i i just and i love the fact that kat Katie – Katie getting defensive about Sheena getting defensive and then saying it's not fair that Sheena gets so defensive when all Katie does is act defensive about things. I'm trying to find this tweet that I took a screenshot of last night because I made a couple of Vanderpump Rules tweets because I was watching it live. And someone tweeted, Sheena, I hate when you're a bitch like this. Like, you're so mean this season. I hate when you're a bitch like this. Like, you're so mean this season. I like when you're nice to people.
Starting point is 00:23:48 And she, like, quote retweeted it or whatever you called. And then she just said, blah, blah, blah, dot, dot, dot. Like, you tell him, Sheena. She's like, blah, blah, blah. Oh, my goodness. Well, so speaking of bitchy sheena so the we then go over to sir we're cross-cutting between scenes and it's britney and sheena rolling up napkins and lala comes in and i was like hey guys so what's up how's it going how's everyone's weekend and she was like
Starting point is 00:24:19 she won't she won't say because katie because katie has scared her into talking to lala and so she she's just being such an ice cold bitch at this moment and finally she goes listen i don't want to be a bitch but like i just don't want to talk to you like i'll say hi to you but i won't say more because i'm friends with katie and it's like it's like makes me really uncomfortable and she's like okay and then sheena picks up her roll-ups she's like picks up her napkins and she's like bye so she goes she like leaves bitzley and then britney does too i was like what the hell britney so they both leave and lala's like who's the sucker now like they have nowhere to roll those fucking things up now
Starting point is 00:25:03 i'm staying at this bar like who lost so then it cuts back to the restaurant and stassi's they're just having a conversation and stassi's like yeah i got this marble trash can and now it's like too heavy to empty the trash i'm like oh i wrote that down also i didn't know i know I would probably say something very similar. But by the way, who gets a marble trash can? Stassi. Oh, my God. Are you sure it wasn't just like a planter for outside?
Starting point is 00:25:33 You're like, oh, I could put a trash bag in this. It's like one of those big giant pots from Sir. It's like you didn't get a trash can. You got a hollowed out marble column, Stassi. Jax just stole a potter from Pump for her. It's like you didn't get a trash can, you got a hollowed out marble column. Jax just stole a potter from Pump for her. It's like an anniversary gift. So you hear like the, bloop, bloop, whatever. And Katie gets, no wait, who got the text?
Starting point is 00:25:56 Kristen gets the text. So it's this wall of text. And I didn't take a screenshot. But she reads it and it's basically, you won't believe this. I was like rolling up napkins i was getting the fork and the knife lined up in the napkin and like lala came in i was like i'm not talking to you because katie's my best friend you look stupid like fuck off and like we don't have napkins i'm gonna get fired and um stassi goes well bravo they all start clapping yeah like sassy goes i'm so proud of her
Starting point is 00:26:25 she's like okay congratulations for being a good girlfriend like one time like unfortunately you didn't do that the first time but still so nasty so meanwhile over at sir lisa walks in and like she's like one foot in the restaurant and out of nowhere comes diana and you know diana only shows up when someone's about to get fired and diana's like what is this james james is awful she's like how long are we going to tolerate this lisa she's like well he's been okay right darling he's been all right hasn't he then it's like james disconnected the music while he was drunk they're like oh disconnected the music and then lisa's like well this is unacceptable let me tell you something i just need definitive evidence and then i will fire him i'm like lisa
Starting point is 00:27:17 the benefit of it is you got diana your manager being like this guy's terrible i I like when Diana goes, I seriously do not like this person. All right, Diana, I've got it, darling. So Tom 2 is calling that he's going to a shrink. Now, look, I get that these people get their facial surge. Any service that these people get, they get for free for a couple of Instagram mentions. I get it. But, girl, what is that, like the basement of a strip mall? It was like a Toys R Us.
Starting point is 00:27:49 I mean, where the hell was he going to therapy? I don't know. That was like a cubbyhole. That looked like a little workspace in some place like WeWork or something. It wasn't even a full office. I mean, it was the size of my bathroom. Yeah. She's like, welcome. Hope you found, I don't know, somewhere to park.
Starting point is 00:28:06 So he goes and and so he um sorry you broke up there for a second so i didn't hear what you really said but i just sort of like i smiled starting my tom therapy he's like oh god i feel bad because like i'm just like scared of katie but like i'm scared of what she's capable of and she's fully loses i'm no control and she goes to the dark side he's like so tortured iron your shirt iron your old navy shirt tom so then but the best part about this is that we got to see like a big long montage of tequila Katie, which is like my favorite. She's like, why don't you go hang out with a whore inside? It's a classic Katie.
Starting point is 00:28:51 And then when it ended with him pouring tequila all over her head. So then the therapist is like, all right, here's your homework. You have to go home and you have to to check in with Katie and see where she is with her rage. And then I have to ask you this question. Do you really want to get married? Do you really, really, really want to get married? He's like, um, yeah,
Starting point is 00:29:15 I think. They're going to write their own vows and his are going to be the end. She'll be like i do i do like i totally do also the shrink is like okay your homework is to go home and talk to katie about all this but then what the fuck is he paying you for yeah yeah exactly he's not here he's trying he's here to find a way to not have to do that ever again. Okay. Yeah. So back at the restaurant, Lisa comes up to Jax and Jax is like, hey, so Lala and Sheena are fighting. And he's like, oh, darling.
Starting point is 00:29:54 And Jax has this whole thing like, well, I don't want fighting going. Or maybe that was a little bit later. But so Sheena walks up. That was that. He's like, have you heard about the big drama today lisa like huge fights like darling why are you starting crap everywhere you turn he's like look i'm just trying to be the good person here lisa i don't want to i don't want fighting in the first place like i don't want fighting in the workplace yeah and sheena comes up she's
Starting point is 00:30:22 he's like sheena come over here and sheena comes up saying hi's like, Sheena, come over here. And Sheena comes up. She's like, hi, Lisa. You won't believe this. Brett and I were doing roll-ups earlier. And Lala came in. She's like, hi, how are you? And Lisa goes, what's wrong with that? By the way, that's literally what Sheena said.
Starting point is 00:30:42 She was like, yeah. Lala was like, hey, girls, how was your weekend? And then Lisa was like, darling, what's wrong with us? What's wrong with saying hello? How are you, darling? It's a place of business. And Sheena goes, yeah, but Katie hates her. And Lisa was getting so annoyed with the pettiness.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Lisa's like, listen, I know I'm on another TV show. We are exclusively petty to each other, but this is like listen i know i'm on another tv show we are exclusively petty to each other but this is ridiculous so funny sheena is such an idiot she goes oh lord uh and then uh sheena goes yeah but katie's mad because i'm like forgiving and don't hold grudges it's like you just went up to your boss to bitch at somebody for saying hi to you. You're the definition. I love when Sheena casts herself as like the virtuous martyr. She always says, you know, this is what I get for just caring too much about people and forgiving them and not having grudges and just giving to charities all the time. I just add a little beef at the end.
Starting point is 00:31:41 So did anybody finish rolling up the silverware? I tried to, but Lala was like, hey, hi. And I was like, I can't work in this environment. Lala was like, you guys are good today. And I was like, I'm never rolling silver again. What does she think she is? So Katie and Tom's apartment or whatever katie is coloring in a coloring book drunk yeah she's she's still drunk from what she had at demi-tasse and she's
Starting point is 00:32:15 also drinking wine by herself coloring i mean this is a very i know adult coloring is like a thing but when katie does it it just could not look more pathetic if adult coloring is a thing stop it if you're an adult who goes to color to relax get a hobby i don't know get you an ipad and learn something google google anything you want any interest google it i just feel like i don't i don't i'm not i i don't mind the adult coloring but i just feel like when katie does it she's like it just all contributes to this like image she's trying to present of herself as just being like precious and cute and just like I do things like adult coloring and I go into Pinterest. And then I'm totally bitchy to all the other girls. So Tom comes in and he looks absolutely terrified.
Starting point is 00:32:56 He's like she's doing something precious right now. That means she's about to unleash on me. He's like, yeah, so I was talking to dr brandy today he's like what why didn't i know about this he's like are you drunk no i mean well i'm not gonna lie i had a couple drinks with the girls but that doesn't count coloring tom coloring okay and color you got a problem with it he's like oh i don't want this to be a confrontation. It's just that, you know, when you go to the dark side and you tell me you don't want to be with me. And she's like, why would I put down a deposit if I had a nugget of something that I was going to be mad at you for, okay?
Starting point is 00:33:40 She's like, just because it's something I said when I was drunk. I'm like, listen, if Tom said something when he was drunk was drunk i guarantee you would hold it over his head for years well basically and then she's like you you've already paid me back for that tenfold tom like oh god you guys are on a payback system this is not a good relationship well it was the cheat i think she was alluding to the fact that he cheated on her like he kissed another girl oh remember when she said you've already paid me back i think she was alluding to the fact like listen like you already made me feel but you you know you you already like you know you kiss another girl yada yada yada and then tom's like at this point tom just like gives up he's like okay he's like listen no bubba no i mean i'm in
Starting point is 00:34:20 it to win it bubba i'm in it to win it yeah noba. I'm in it to win it. Yeah, no, let's just forget I said anything. This isn't going the way I want it to be. She's like, I'm just supposed to take it. I'm sorry I'm defending myself, okay? I'm just supposed to sit here and take your abuse. It's like this relation. He's totally doing this on purpose, by the way. He sees that she's drunk.
Starting point is 00:34:40 It's like his greatest fear, and he's fucking with her on purpose. Like, do you just enjoy getting beat tom just accept the fact that katie uh is allowed to vent to you her feelings and her frustrations and you're not allowed to do the same and that's just the relationship you're in he goes well my problem is i shouldn't have you know brought a knife to a gunfight it's not a gunfight she's coloring it's like a crayon you just shouldn't have gone to the fight in the first place well she gets really upset and he's on the couch going and she just runs to the fridge and starts shoving iceberg lettuce down her throat yeah and i died like poor katie is you know that that iceberg first of all you know she ain't a salad eater
Starting point is 00:35:21 because she's eating iceberg so you know that she's like week one of Weight Watchers that she's even considering iceberg and then she's like shoving it with all this white dressing down her face and I felt so bad for her I'm like she's been sitting here with the camera crew all day she's been shooting all day she wanted to have this nice adulting coloring scene with Tom he comes and shits all over her and she can't even have a proper emotional binge because all she's got is icebreak. I know. At this point, she's the only one keeping foxy lettuce alive.
Starting point is 00:35:52 You know that camera crew left and Domino's arrived. Yeah, exactly. I mean, she was shoving it in. I mean, she had... It was an intense moment of eating your feelings. And I feel like the lettuce probably just gave her more feelings that she needed to eat.
Starting point is 00:36:09 She's like, could I be any sadder than I am right now? I can't do this. And I was laughing so hard because, you know, I am an emotional eater. And I was laughing so hard and I made like a mean tweet about Katie or whatever. And then late at night I smoked this new weed i got and it made me crazy like i was i was lying in my bed like thinking awful negative things and i was like i know that this is just bad weed like i need to get over it my ass was up here grilling corn tortillas on the grill and eating them with peanut butter i had like 13 last night i was like you know this is
Starting point is 00:36:42 your karma for fucking making fun of katie and her iceberg you're sitting here like doing real damage to yourself with the worst food in the world idiot yeah exactly exactly but to be fair nothing could be more fitting than katie sad katie eating the saddest lettuce known to man iceberg lettuce of course you'd go for the saddest lettuce not even like hitting the iceberg so um speaking of odd things we then go to jack's and britney's apartment where they're having a stupid um argument about cleaning a fish tank i can't even believe they have a fish tank i can't believe that there are other living things that they are meant to be taken care of in that apartment like isn't there enough in jack's work shirts yeah like you've got enough pets in this house it's like you know clean the fish tank
Starting point is 00:37:31 britney the only thing we ever see britney do at home is put on eyeliner yeah notice that like every time she's at home she's putting on more and more eyeliner and she and jack's whole thing is that he's like well i pay the bills so like i just want a sandwich when i get home he just keeps talking about it just want sandwiches a you don't need sandwiches and b a sandwich is two pieces of bread with things in it why can't you do that and why are you why are you paying her bills she's got a job it's so weird. Have you considered iceberg lettuce jacks? You can't win with us. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Now, I think the only reason why this scene was really in the show was just the way they could have footage of Brittany talking in the interview and having her having her top snap open like repeatedly. I'm like, you know, I'm not trying to fat shame you britney uh because i think you're a beautiful girl but if your top cannot stay closed during your interview it's time to rethink either your diet or your wardrobe one of those things but what is happening it happened three times in a row they had to do the same things yeah it was like and then jack refuses to take a shower or change his shirt before work again he wakes up in his work shirts this guy's such a pig he just comes home smelling like bar rot goes to sleep wakes up and leaves again he never showers or anything she's like would you at least change your shirt i'm not trying to impress anyone clearly clearly not worked it worked even the fish even the fish are like
Starting point is 00:39:06 they're like cowering in a corner like will someone clean jacks yes you know the fish are like oh i hate having to do this you know the jacks always hates when i have to clean them so the kk and the stassi are over at the uh or or having oh christians yeah yeah they're kristin's to celebrate her new teeth yeah she's like who's crazy like they took them and now have new ones great story guys so katie is like telling um telling kristin and stassi about how tom went and got therapy and she's like i'm just with a bad guy and saucy's like you know what like to kill katie it's like you know he just says like she's just drunk but i'm sorry that's like human emotion and that's how women are yeah like welcome to dating women
Starting point is 00:39:55 i'm like well i'm glad i'm gay then yeah that is not true you're just horrible human beings again yeah it is not true because not everyone gets drunk and acts like that that's katie that's katie that's how she processes because she is a sad nasty katie made those fucking burlap tin wedding invites with like eight different levels of being invited to her party she did that sober yeah okay let's stop blaming alcohol for all of this katie's just a horrible human being okay and that is that is, Stassi's right. It is human emotion, and it is bad human emotion. Yeah, it's terrible. So Sheena comes over.
Starting point is 00:40:31 She's like, I want some champagne. And she's like, how do your teeth feel? Like, every day my teeth literally feel different. Like, I feel like a rich experience and she goes the only thing i'll cut open is my mouth like everything else i just like inject like my mouth i like i'll like cut it up open but like it's my rule i'm like yeah it's your rule because you're like 28 stupid i love I love when younger people are like, I don't believe in facial surgery. Really?
Starting point is 00:41:07 Call me in 10 years. I'm like, have you heard of the concept of a slippery slope? Okay, thanks. You look like a bouncy house, okay? You believe in plastic surgery. You just haven't been offered free cuts for an Instagram like yet. Yeah, exactly. So Sheena starts explaining her situation with lala and then
Starting point is 00:41:26 katie's like you know it's like you can't even be cordial to lala because then she's just gonna exploit that in every possible way i'm like how could you think so poorly of someone like just to be just to say hi and say oh yeah my weekend was good that she's not gonna exploit that jesus this isn't like some sort of like horrific situation where there's like a meth addict in your house who's gonna like break into your like if you leave the cupboards unlocked they're gonna break in and steal everything on the black market you gotta nasty break in that bitch just say no because if you're cordial in any capacity it's like you are so stupid so she's like guys and she rereads from the text well it basically tells them the story she's like, you are so stupid. So Sheena's like, guys! And she rereads them the text.
Starting point is 00:42:06 Well, it basically tells them the story. She's like, yeah, we were trying to do roll-ups. And then she was like, hi! And I was like, whatever! And she goes, have a little faith in me. I'm not a pushover. And Katie's like, yeah, well, you know, if Sheena can continue being this kind of friend
Starting point is 00:42:22 that we need her to be, then we can be the best four friends ever but we'll see how long this lasts it's so bitchy and then they're like then they're being so fake and bitchy all at once to sheena they're like it's like a combination of same things like listen we're just saying how we feel it's just like it just sat straight it just didn't sit well with us that's all we're just we're not attacking we're just saying it didn't sit well and stassi's like listen like i'm like what i'm about to say like i like it's not meant to be mean i know that when people say it's not meant to be mean it really is me but like seriously this is not meant to be mean but like if you think that we're like coming at
Starting point is 00:43:00 you then that just shows how shitty of a friendship that we really have but i don't mean it to be mean and then katie and then like kristen's like yeah like you know you're like really super sensitive and i love that about you that's what we love about you we love how sensitive about you but like seriously seriously get with the program and then typical sheena's like i don't know i was coming over to get attacked no we're telling you how much we love you which by the way in saucy talk means i'm attacking you it's always three on one it was like such a classic example of the mean girls gang up on like i don't even i don't want to say like a sweet fawn because that's not what she is but it's just it was it was a classic education uh or or lesson and how mean girls can act towards like yes and what do you win two of these girls don't even
Starting point is 00:43:52 work at the damn restaurant the show's about they don't have jobs like what do you win from this who wants to hang out with stassi and kristin who well eventually she was like well i'm sorry for talking to her and they're like yay it's like communication for the win so over uh sir james is pressing play on his macbook and like dancing around like a muppet and some big girls like some tourist girls like, you want a shot? Yeah. I'm like, oh, my God. That girl was so sad, Amy, from Gallery Girls.
Starting point is 00:44:30 Yeah, she was very sad, Amy. You want to come over to a party at my grandma's house? Because she's, like, out of town. Upper East Side, bitches! And James is like, you know, I totally don't come to work drunk. But then they show, like, six hours earlier. He was, like, totally getting drunk. He's like, I'm not drunk.
Starting point is 00:44:48 I'm just a bit buzzy. That's all then you want a lemon drop how much alcohol is in that she's like only a little bit she's like he's like oh i'm like isn't a lemon drop all alcohol isn't just like a lemon like vodka with like sugar on the edge i don't know um i'm too butch to really know what's in a lemon drop You're talking to a real man here I'm like a little too far removed From the year 2000 To remember what a lemon drop is I'm sorry That is so 2000
Starting point is 00:45:14 That's like so September 10th Like the world changed Yeah the world changed Lemon drops and Appletinias were gone forever No like lemon drops and Appletinias and Cosmos That's like very late 90s Sex and the City era, which is, of course, what Sur is. And I was thinking about that as they were like pouring all these cocktails. Like this brand of a restaurant or a bar that just serves like like pumptinis and appletinis and and and lemon drops.
Starting point is 00:45:41 It really is so antiquated, which I know that yes, I'm being a snob, and I know this is nothing groundbreaking because we always talk about how Sir is stuck in the 80s, but their cocktail program is definitely 1997. Oh, yeah. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's
Starting point is 00:46:00 industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you
Starting point is 00:46:36 into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.
Starting point is 00:47:02 And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just
Starting point is 00:47:17 are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:47:34 She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Starting point is 00:47:52 Black is beautiful. Well, the whole place is just like drunk college girls and the gays that love them, you know. And you can pass by, you can see inside, and you see faux fancy gays. They're like, oh, the Sabin. I'm like, you are at pump. Yeah. Like, Sir basically, the people who go to Sir are either out-of-town tourists who want to see reality stars, which is fine. It's faux fancy gays.
Starting point is 00:48:21 And it's people from Riverside who thinks sir is an actual fancy restaurant and get dressed up and to go there. But you know, the truth is, you know what the cocktail program really needs? It needs, I think some prime cocktails. I think I'm going to just try one of each of the prime cocktails.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Hey girl. Hi. How are you? Good. Good. Good. Good. I think I'm going to try just one of each of the Pram cocktails.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Remember, like, two weeks ago, I kept on trying to make a reference to that, and I could not get it out of my mouth. Seems like that noise that the operation guy makes when you... I can't believe you'd hit this eye when taking out my rib. Cut. Cut. Please be careful with my wishbone wishbone so jack's is watching i think it's hilarious that they put james's little pizza oven dj stand right by jack's bar because there really are so many places you could put that in sir there's like five different little rooms and
Starting point is 00:49:19 they're like no he has to be right by either the bathroom or Jax's bar at all times. They keep moving it. So Gigi, the hostess, it's funny. When Gigi first came on the scene, we're like, you know, this girl, Gigi, she's in the opening picture. She gets a little title. Like, something must be up with her. So finally, Gigi has her moment. And she just sort of comes over and she's like yeah i'm like nervous to work on wednesdays because of james and like you know he gets like really drunk
Starting point is 00:49:49 and like you know like back in april we hooked up and like i didn't know he had a girlfriend and he didn't tell me and when i found out i stopped and now he just keeps on calling me a whore so she tells us to jacks and he's jacks is like why would you tell me i have the biggest mouth and she's like no i know that's why she goes yeah i just i really want everybody to know the truth i'm like okay gg thanks for the public service you just did the whole world i know poor gg look i mean gg's a cute girl and everything but comparatively i mean that's a girl they're like we need a hostess to actually work that isn't going to be worried about being on camera just get the not as cute one put her over there behind that wall and just leave her there and she's like oh really well
Starting point is 00:50:28 i fucked james i'm like oh god here we go uh so then what i love is jacks is like you know like this place used to be so fun to work at and ever since james came around like once i crying and angry i just want to go back to the way it used to be. And then, I mean, these producers are so genius. They cut back to season one with Laura Lee. I think her name was Laura Lee. Yeah, Laura Lee, yeah. Laura Lee. I was –
Starting point is 00:50:53 It sounds right to me. I always call her Laura Lee, but I think it's something else. It's like, yeah, well, you fucked me without protection. And then – She just – you just cut to her. And she's like, I thought you put it in me without protection and i got your diseases i got an std for you and from like other customers and jack's is like uh-huh i was like also oh my god jack's has really really gone through some changes i mean jack's has gone
Starting point is 00:51:19 through the change basically he looked so different a few years ago also i have to mention that this part britney's up at the bar too she's like hi jx look i wrote the wines down on the separate side of the paper just so you could just so you could help me figure them out and he's like oh god you're stupid she's like what smells in here is that your shirt and then gg comes up and she's like hey britney i just sat table 61. And she goes, huh? She goes, the big one with lots of chairs. She goes, ow! As her dress rips open.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Brittany still doesn't even know the damn table numbers. She's like, I only counted up to 25. So Jax tells... So Lala then goes up to james and i was like hey so i heard you and gg had sex and he's like no we never did we never i wouldn't fuck gg with a 10-foot poe okay i wouldn't do that like i'm here driving around in aston martin you think i'm gonna go jump in this honda civic for quick joy rod i'm like yeah you would if you need to get someplace i'm like it doesn't count as an ass of martin if it's at the car show okay you still still need to get the honda civic back home it's like i'm on this perfectly good subway why would i take the orange line home
Starting point is 00:52:38 uh so lala's like jacks is like yeah what'd you fuck gg whatever from the bar and lala goes i'm not talking to you and he goes yeah well no one's talking to you either she goes you're literally talking to me right now and jacks goes oh yeah go fuck someone with a range rover or no go fuck someone for a range rover and she's like whatever i'm out bye well I think and I think at this this is at this point because I think Jax started yelling because he's like stop cursing over like he's he's like could you keep your cursing down and there and then that's when he says that stuff about the Range Rover and then that's when James is like listen I'm a rock star and you're a bartender Jax old Jaxie boy yeah he goes why would someone your age care? He's like, what does that mean, man?
Starting point is 00:53:27 He goes, I'm a DJ. He goes, anyone can press play on a laptop. That's just not even hooked up to anything. But I love that when he says anyone can press play on a laptop, you idiot. James goes, in Vegas, in Vegas. I'm like, yeah, even in Vegas. Just because you press play on your laptop at the Mm buffet does not mean that you were calvin harris to quote the paraphrase a line from lisa vanderpump so the toms are having a talk and uh like that's boring over here for a second yeah he's like whoa
Starting point is 00:53:58 bro like i've got like a perfect bleach spot going down the middle of my french why don't we talk about that? So I did like that Tom comes over to work and he's like, hey bro, he's like, hey bro, good to see you. I'm not sure about that man bun. He's like, it's not a man bun, bro. It's my takeaway from
Starting point is 00:54:20 Fat Sal's. I just keep it up there. It's my to-go pepperoni French fried chicken finger sandwich man um so uh so so they're talking and schwartz is like saying he's like yeah i think i want ariana to be like my groomsman and it's funny because you know schwartz is like you know like katie didn't want ariana to be you know her a bridesmaid and they showed this like they cut this like random flashback of of like tom telling katie like yeah i was thinking about ariana and katie's like well it's just sort of weird because like katie is like friends with ariana now and i'm
Starting point is 00:54:56 like not really i'm not i mean ariana is like friends with uh lala right now i'm not really like talking to that and it's just it makes sense and the flashback just like cuts her off like in the middle of her whining they like and she's like they don't even like let her finish they're like so etc etc etc from katie tom is such an ass he's like that is an asshole well i am i'm gonna ask ariana to be my groomsman i'm just gonna avoid telling katie by the way as much as I think Katie is like a total bitch and an evil girl, I think it's really disrespectful for Tom to ask Ariana to be his groomsman because Katie does not love Ariana. It's like a big fuck you to Katie. I think it's like a really shitty thing for him to do. As much as Katie is someone who treats Tom poorly, this is a shitty move.
Starting point is 00:55:45 Yeah, but he's just always fucking with her. It's hilarious. He likes to get beat. I'm telling you. He's not going to tell her. Then he's going to tell everybody else. And so she's going to eventually hear and have a fit and be like, I kind of trust you, like with iceberg and blue cheese hanging out her mouth. And he's going to be like, LOL.
Starting point is 00:56:01 And he's going to be like, LOL. So anyway, so then meanwhile, James goes up to Gigi and he's like, listen, we never hooked up. I wouldn't hook up with you. And he goes, you're being unacceptable and very rude. Good one, James. You really shook her to her core with that. And she was so ready. She's like, you're a psychopath.
Starting point is 00:56:25 You're a drunk and you've got no talent. And they're screaming then out of nowhere diana's like stop it stop stop shush none none i love when diana just like swoops in like from the rafter that she's behinding out and it just like it's like stop it stop it gg knows just what to say she's like he's drunk which she knows is like the final nail and lala's like I don't care if they fucked or not. Just like, thank God the rumors aren't about me getting peed on on a Saudi yacht. You know what I mean? So then Lisa comes in and Lisa's like, what's going on? And James is like, it's petty.
Starting point is 00:56:57 I think at this point, this is when Lisa calls James into the side area. You know, Lisa always has a different area where she holds court. Like if there's so many nooks and cranes in this restaurant she's like all right let's go over to this table here in the side corner here i'll be tweeting next to the garden party yeah so james is like it's petty drama that these bitches and lisa's like don't talk like that i'm like just say you're fired like the fact that he even was saying that he's talking to his boss and being like, these bitches. It's so like, it's so out of line. And she's like, don't talk like that. And he's drunk.
Starting point is 00:57:32 So he's mad at Lisa now. He's like, why? Why, Lisa? They're thirsty, thirsty girls that need a drink. And I cannot produce water for them. I'm like, you are a busboy. He is like the biggest theater queen we've ever seen. Your job is literally to bring water.
Starting point is 00:57:50 I played Beyonce and got a girlfriend. They're thirsty, thirsty little girls. You're unacceptable and rude. I mean, he's just one foppish theater queen. Let's be honest. He is. He's trying to convince everybody his dick works around vaginas. And then he's quoting NeNe Leakes.
Starting point is 00:58:05 Yeah. And then he's quoting Nini Leakes. Yeah. And then Lisa's like, James, you're turning into a drunk asshole. And he's like, all right, Lisa. You're obviously feeding into what everyone else is telling you. And I don't appreciate that. I'm like, she's your boss. It's not up to you to appreciate anything she says. I cannot even believe he's saying these things to her.
Starting point is 00:58:23 And I can't believe that she doesn't fire him right there on the spot. But instead, she's just like, go back to it. She pulls out the classic Vanderpump at this point. She's like, we've invested so much into this kid. And look how he repays the generosity of me and Ken. It's like the Lisa Vanderpumppump victim speech you know do you know what we've done for you i actually think the reason why she didn't fire him then and there is i think she was actually a little bit scared i think she like didn't know what sort of reaction
Starting point is 00:59:00 he would have because he was drunk and she didn't know if he was gonna become violent i feel like i saw a little bit of fear in her eyes that she just was like let me just get him to calm down and then we will take care of it so she basically was like uh go back to the dj booth and play your little discs and shut up and i love that he's he spends like episode after episode being like i'm a rock star i'm a dj hit sir and even lisa's like it doesn't mean anything like we like you're basically like a human ipod right now well also remember that she has max and max used to have major drug issues and behavioral issues so i think this is like now that max has kind of cleaned it up she's like oh i need someone to hold something over their head remember when i bought you the little disc changer thing?
Starting point is 00:59:46 How could you do this to me again, darling? So then we had like a whatever scene where like Ariana had to eat Tom's ass steak. And she's like, oh, this is totally rad. Like I'm just like one of the guys now. Like this is cool. Like I'm so excited to wear a suit. Like because I take sketch comedy really seriously. And I'm like a dude now.
Starting point is 01:00:05 So like I'm chill. Like that I'm so excited to wear a suit. Like, cause I take sketch comedy really seriously and I'm like a dude now. So like, I'm chill. Like that's what I am. Whatever. She's like, this is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me other than starting my purse hook business. This is like the coolest,
Starting point is 01:00:14 this is like the coolest thing ever since I had a birthday party that was made for like little girls. Cause it's not like clever and ironic sketch comedy. Hilarious. Oh my God. Okay. So, uh, let's see what was next so now so now i can tell you what was next so now it's like later at night it's like 11 30 uh james is uh wrapping up about to go home tom is finishing up and james is like drunk and he's like tom you're an mvp you're like
Starting point is 01:00:41 miss or maybe james was saying he was an m. Either way, he kept on saying like most valuable player. And Tom was just like, hey, man, I just want you to keep your job. So like stop drinking on the job. Anyway, here's a shot. And then you see Lisa from behind the bars. Like there's like outdoor bars. I don't know what you call it. Like security.
Starting point is 01:01:01 It's like a security gate basically. And this was like a moment like you can – like sometimes it's lisa shows up and the producer's like okay lisa now you enter and watch and do and talk whatever this is a moment where it was like literally like lisa was not supposed to be there lisa was like going in to get like a bag and like she forgot a fake pink fur jacket or something on yeah she was with ken and ken wasn't even mic'd up yet like they it was like a like he had come probably just to pick like to pick her up or something and uh and she sees she sees him take the shot and she has this like weird disciplinary action she's like go back to your dj stand right now go back to your dj and i'm like well he was done for the night. And I don't know.
Starting point is 01:01:46 And then we hear the flesh Roomba behind her, Ken. He's like, it's not good for the restaurant, is it, James? Well, he was mad because then James is getting really. James goes through a nice roller coaster of emotion. So he starts off super petulant. He's like, what is the issue? What is the issue? is the issue which again crazy these are your bosses that he's saying it to and now i love that he's only afraid of ken lisa's going you see ken you see you see how he's talking to me he's like really i didn't know you well ken turns into like ken turns into like
Starting point is 01:02:22 lock sock and two smoking barrels angry. He instantly gets all cocky. He's like, I told you not to come here drunk. And what you do? You came here drunk. And Ken is like now snapping at James. And James starts to just cry. He's like, I said, sorry, I won't do it again. Please.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Ken's getting mad. Lisa, stop. He's going to get mad at me. Lisa, please. He's like, you see, Ken mad lisa stop he's gonna get mad at me lisa she's like you see ken you see what he's like i love that james is such a little pussy boy every time he's confronted he screams acts out and then sobs every single time he's sobbing and then and then he then turns to ken even though he's sobbing he's mad at me he's mad at me i can't deal with this fucking bullshit what what and then that's when ken is like oh you little fucker i'll knock your spark out and lisa goes what's happened to the wonderful little boy we knew three years ago like he was never oh what do you have a tv at your house i
Starting point is 01:03:28 know you want tv a lot but do you bother even watching the shit you're filming yeah i mean james was never a sweet young boy he ever since first episode was him like getting into a fight with tom and be like i'll have a bmw you see my bmw look at my bmw isn't mixology 101 great bmw where is the little boy i carry i'm right here lisa why can't you see lisa so the next day he goes over to lisa's house and the original max is there and he's like all right then i think i'll get going then good luck he leaves and james takes the sun spot and he sits there and he's like well hello lisa and she's like listen i think what i've got to do before you say what lisa said james is doing his thing that he always does which is being like so charming and british he's like oh it's a beautiful
Starting point is 01:04:25 set about here it's gorgeous what a lovely garden oh there's no paddock i see there what a lovely day oh scrumptious beautiful it doesn't smell like donkey shit at all out here lisa thank you for having me over your lovely home you look beautiful today miss vanderpump why are there flies all over my face so it's like a petting zoo in that place so she basically yeah i was gonna say just that lisa is sitting there looking absolutely gorgeous it's like the perfect lighting these flowers all around her so you know she's about to do something real cruel yeah she's got that that entire house is just built for her to shoot in you know yeah yeah so she's yeah she's looking good and she's like you're you've become a drunk asshole basically you're fired and you're not
Starting point is 01:05:11 coming in either not to sir not to pump not to any of the places in between if you even go into the chichi larue dildo store i'll know about it james meanwhile cut to like two episodes from now like well we're so busy and we need music and just i didn't want to bring him back but i had to you know it's so hard to find a good dj these days we we thought james's job was so easy but we've listened to lemonard five times in a row. Lala can't stop emceeing, and it's quite a distraction. No one knows where their lost keys are at without
Starting point is 01:05:53 James at the helm. Ariana took over the DJ booth, and now we're listening to her sad emo music and childhood songs. Edie Brickell and the new Bohemians, darling. I can only take so much. I don't
Starting point is 01:06:09 care what you are. I've heard it enough, Edie. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a saint. I'm... Oh, enough already, darling. Can we get back to Jay-Z, then? I mean, how much Meredith Bainbridge does one have to listen to?
Starting point is 01:06:26 Not one song that Ariana's played features a woman that shaves her underarms, darling. I mean, if I have to hear the greatest hits from Lilith Fair 1996 one more time, I'm gonna stick my throat with smoked salmon. Well, you know what I call
Starting point is 01:06:41 them? Lilith Unfair, Lisa. That's Lilith Unfair. What about me, James Kennedy? Why can't I DJ at Lilith Unfair back in 1996? Why not me? James, when he gets fired, he goes, But Lisa, being indefinitely fired
Starting point is 01:06:57 forever, that sounds crazy. And then when he goes, on one hand, Jax is a wanker and gg is a whore on the other i let them get to me out of their jealousy and then he starts sobbing and she's like why do you act like that you're always drunk and he's like i don't know how to control it lisa and she goes well you shouldn't have another drink in your life that's's who you are. And then he's like sitting there crying. And then she goes, go. Just be careful of Hanky and Panky in the front. They don't like unemployed people.
Starting point is 01:07:37 What a beautiful, beautiful episode of Vanderpoop Rules. We had fighting. We had belligerence. We had catty girl shit. It was so good. So now, because we did a long-ass deep dive on there, let's just touch on Real Housewives of Atlanta and Below Deck
Starting point is 01:07:54 a little bit, shall we? Yeah, let's do it. What would you like to do first? Let's start with Atlanta, and then after Atlanta we'll just catch people up with what happened with Below Deck last week. Alright. So, Real Housewives of Atlantaanta we're not going to do a full recap partly because no one needs another five hours of this and also because it was a very cynthia heavy episode which means
Starting point is 01:08:18 we don't really have much to say i mean cynthia yeah i mean it was it was shocking because the show opened up with cynthia and noel playing tennis i'm like this is strange to see them not huddled over the kitchen island like do they is this possible is it possible that they're able to shoot outside of the kitchen island it seems strange very strange i don't know how to deal with it her thing is uh she's like my sunglasses line uh is insanely successful like is there's one in every shell station in the greater georgia area greater atlanta area we really took off when we started giving packs of big league chewing gum away with the purchase of my five dollar glasses
Starting point is 01:08:56 we you can now get my sunglasses in certain boxes of cheerios which is very exciting and uh because of that I now have an opportunity. Notice that she can't say opportunity. She's like, I've got an opportunity to sell some bags at a fashion bazaar in LA. She has this new line of bags called Cargo. That's already a brand, isn't it?
Starting point is 01:09:20 I don't know. I have no idea. Cynthia Bailey presents bags. The whole thing is that she's going to go to L.A. because she loves L.A. and Leon's in L.A. And then also Noelle wants to go to college in L.A. And by the way, she has now made Noelle the face of Cargo. So they wind up going to Los Angeles. Congratulations. It's like the new guy on the stamp.
Starting point is 01:09:47 You're the new face on the stamp of cargo, darling. Cargo, I feel like this has already been done, cargo. I need to Google it, but I'm really tired. I'm exhausted, Donnie. Well, I think it's also not a great brand name because there's like cargo shorts and cargo this, cargo that. Like when you Google it, you're just going to get results for other things like Gap. But what do I know? Either way, so they go to LA and Noelle gets all glammed up and everything.
Starting point is 01:10:17 And Cynthia is feeling like a proud mom because, you know, Noelle is so sweet and lovely. And they go to like this event, this fashion bazaar um where there's like 30 people who show i mean it looked like there were like a lot of other things that were going on there but but cynthia's acting as if it was like freaking milan you know and you know there's like 20 people there some local news and cynthia is like well it's a big deal it's a big deal and um noelle's like sitting down she's like my feet hurt hurt. And basically the point is, like, really uninteresting. Literally nothing happened. Well, Cynthia had a scene with Leon where she's like, wah, wah, wah, my marriage, wah.
Starting point is 01:10:53 And he's like, okay, the end. I just love that when she was crying the whole time about Peter, there's someone at another table. There's, like, two of us. And they're like, oh, my God, is that Cynthia? And they're just watching her sob. And she's trying to be serious and whenever they showed leon they just showed these girls literally like hanging off the back of the booth like oh my god i didn't notice that i didn't notice that probably because i was half asleep but what i did love was that you know leon finally is able to say what he really thinks she's like well you know i did think your marriage was kind of rushed aka you probably should have thought this through
Starting point is 01:11:30 and so then cindy started bawling and she starts saying i'm just terrified that after this divorce peter and i won't ever be friends or see each other ever again i'm like and why is that terrifying that should be the most glorious thought of your entire life no kidding now start a real savings account already i think what i think why she was really crying because it was because she basically said yeah i moved to atlanta and i gave up everything i gave up my modeling career everything for peter and for what you know and i would cry about that too i'm sure she moved to atlanta to be on real housewives and now she actually is a star which she wasn't before no matter what she tries to tell me so So congratulations.
Starting point is 01:12:05 You made the right choice and you got rid of Peter. Am I supposed to cry for you? I'm not going to. And Cynthia is so lame that even when she's crying so hard that she pulls off her eyelashes. I mean, that's one of my favorite moments of how to get away with murder ever when she's just like sobbing and she takes off her wig and her eyelashes. And all I could think of was don't ruin how to get away with murder for me cynthia you don't hold the candle please leave the restaurant take it to goes with you i believe cynthia's show would be called how to get away with boring and i'm not even sure she does get away with it how to it would just be how to get
Starting point is 01:12:39 it would be like too tired to even make the end of the title how to get away with having a really shitty marriage when you could have been with hot wonderful leon how to i mean leon probably i mean leon probably cheated on her let's be honest i mean we always talk about how wonderful leon is he probably cheated on her okay we get it well who knows i mean i don't know enough about leon I like that he said, he's like, I couldn't even stay at the wedding because I was there to celebrate happiness, not stress. I was like, shut up, Leon. Also dinosaurs. Also because they kicked you out because your free loner at the dinosaur museum was over after like an hour. Also because you're probably bored out of your mind.
Starting point is 01:13:23 This wedding is really negative. I think I'll go to a movie instead. Bye, everybody. Good to see you. Who does that? So meanwhile, in Sheree's world, it was more Sheree Bob stuff. Sheree was hanging out with her kids, including her hot son, Cairo, in the condo. And she's like, we got a show soon?
Starting point is 01:13:44 Show soon? We got a movie at the show soon and she's like you gotta we gotta go to the chateau soon chateau soon we're gonna move to the chateau soon so she had a date with bob uh because bob is still sweating around sweating around the house uh and she's like this is where we're eating dinner you told me dinner so i i you got this and she's like dressed to the nines and he's in sweats at this like vegan this vegan place in the strip mall it's like basically like the veggie grill she's like dressed to the nines and he's in sweats at this vegan place in the strip mall. It's like basically the veggie grill. She's like, I love her.
Starting point is 01:14:10 She's like, if you try to woo me, I like seafood. I like seafood. Seawood. Seawood. Seawood. I want to be seawood. Well, actually, what I really loved is when they sit down because she's all dressed up and he's in a T-shirt, as you mentioned. And she's like, you have to tell me when we're going to the cafeteria
Starting point is 01:14:25 so he she's basically like you want to come back but you've never even apologized and he's like uh sorry he's like oh thank you bob thank you bob well thank you thank you yeah i actually like the scene because she was like stop joking stop joking so he had to like stop joking and you could see he was like he wanted to crack a joke so badly so many times. But he gave his apology. And finally, after he apologized, he's like, great, I can get back to joking. Hey, you got glitter on your boobs. And then we just get an extreme close-up of Trey's breasts.
Starting point is 01:14:59 And glitter they were. So let's see. I guess the main thing here was a laser tag thing because yeah i don't know what is going i think at the beginning of the season they had a production meeting and they're like we cannot afford so much food because this cast actually eats at the restaurants like the the rest of the real housewives cast they they they borrow the restaurant for four hours but they don't even spend any damn money you know they just like drink some water like no one eats this show they eat i think they're
Starting point is 01:15:30 like we don't have the budget anymore so let's just have them play laser tag or something yeah so they go they go to laser tag which um it's funny uh i went to laser tag about two years ago and um i like all those kids just kept on destroying me and my own my only way to get like a high tally because you know when you do laser tag you get points right and at the end you look out of the board and you see how many points you got there was like this like four-year-old girl in there who had no idea what she was doing and i would find her i would just keep shooting her like arms and whatever because terrible it wasn't like i was actually shooting her but but it was, like, the only way I could get points.
Starting point is 01:16:08 That is terrible. Well, this one, I think to win, you really have to play, like, Shiree, where you just follow Kenya the whole time. That's all she did. She just chased Kenya the entire time and kept shooting her. I liked when Phaedra said, when the person working at LaserTag was like, do you guys want to do all for one or teams? And Phaedra's like they were when when the people said when the the person working at laser tag was like do you guys want to do all for one or teams and phaedra's like yeah there'll be two teams black men and police oh my god awkward even to them it was awkward so after they go to uh eat and phaedra's like well i brought you all here because this place is special
Starting point is 01:16:44 to me it's where i had my child's birthday party. And Candy's rolling her eyes like, oh Jesus. And she goes, I brought you here because I want to have a camp. And Candy's like, uh-huh. Like her face is like, uh-huh. Now, by the way, we should mention that before
Starting point is 01:17:01 Lasertag, Phaedra had met with Kenya and talked about like wanting can do something for this camp and ken is like oh yeah i'm gonna teach um table manners and like how to act like a lady i was like okay good luck with that does she even have a table in her house i think she only has a counter with a stool i think so but then kenya also said they were talking about charade during that lunch. And Kenya was like, you know what?
Starting point is 01:17:29 Sheree can take several seats if she actually had any furniture in her empty house. So let me see here. So anyway, so it's basically Phaedra. Okay, so Phaedra's camp. I don't know why I find this funny. But Phaedra's camp, she's like, I want to do it for the people of Michigan for water. Because they're water crisis or whatever. I'm like, this is the most awkward camp ever.
Starting point is 01:17:52 Come to the clean water camp. She's like, we're going to bring Britas to Flint or whatever. And to celebrate, I want all of us to have little pop-up shops to sell our wares for the children who are poisoned with water. Kenya, you can sell she started naming all their products and then it gets to candy and she's like candy you can bring your candy coated love over and porsche goes we're gonna be giving dicks to the children okay oh my goodness so it's like you're bringing gigantic dildos to children who had trouble swallowing their water awkward so of course the stupid um kenya sheree fight about their houses comes back and um when they're you know as they're rehashing it sheree says well you know kenya ran out of the escape room place.
Starting point is 01:18:45 And Kenya's like, excuse me, I walked. And so Sheree's like, okay, you power walked out of the place. I just love the image of Kenya power walking out of an argument. Then they went on this, like, circular fight where they're just like, nah, nah, nah, at each other. And everybody's just eating and watching them and rolling their eyes so bored that they have to listen to this again and candy is just chowing down on her food it's hilarious and candy goes she's she goes i'm hungry and candy goes we're trying to talk candy yeah and then it just goes on and on for so long that the producers are just playing jazz in the background like they're not taking it seriously it's like it's basically like the like the the real hassles of new york city
Starting point is 01:19:28 bassoon music and then it gets mad at candy for eating and candy goes well yes i eat because it makes me feel better oh my god it's like the theme of the week god and binge eating to avoid conflict yeah i mean and then it just goes on and on and on and eventually kenya has to call strays wig like the theme of the week, God and binge eating to avoid conflict. Yeah. And then it just goes on and on and on. And eventually Kenya has to call Shreya's wig a Mama Joyce wig, which is exactly what you've been saying. And that's when Candy perks up from her pudding and she looks up and is like,
Starting point is 01:19:57 hey, like, see, nah, doesn't talk about my mama. Don't bring my mama's wig into it because now she got that wig. I like that wig a lot. And her mouth is full. She's like, oh, hell no.
Starting point is 01:20:09 I was like, oh, yes, girl. Like Sophia coming out now. And both shows on this Sunday, Married to Medicine and Real Housewives of Atlanta quoted The Color Purple, which I thought was hilarious. What was the one in this one that they started talking about, Color Purple do you know i never i never saw the movie i've only read the book and i read the book like 20 years ago so i don't i don't i this is like the third time in a row that's that like someone's made a reference i was like uh-huh and they're like that's from color purple band i'm like oh joy said it because they were talking about block. Because Candy's like, how dare you?
Starting point is 01:20:46 You don't want to chase my child. You should chase her. And Joyce goes, she's like, yeah, you be a little like silly now. You say, what you done to me ought to been done to you. Please let Mama Joyce perform in the color purple. I would die the color purple is closing and i'm sad because cynthia rivo is supposed to be amazing in it and i i like when i heard it was closing like a month ago i was like oh when i go to new york for thanksgiving i'm gonna get tickets
Starting point is 01:21:16 and see the color purple and i totally forgot and now i'm curious I got my mama to watch that's Fantasia's version of Colorful the woman's dad the woman's dad what if Frasier's brother was in the Colorful well what you've done to me has already been done to you well the show will live on
Starting point is 01:21:41 in our hearts and our resumes you so is ugly, Frazier. Anyway, so, yeah, so basically they just were like, like, but I like this Kenya and Sheree thing was going on and on and on and on and on. Like they're doing like a dissolve cuts and everything to show how much time is passing. And finally, Pager's like, OK, let's be quiet now. Can I count on you guys to not fight at my event? And they're like oh yeah yeah no that's fine yeah sure it's like oh yeah i don't even care about her house i would
Starting point is 01:22:10 be glad to be there and kenya's like i will be honored to just do whatever you want they're like okay great check please candy's like putting everything in it to go yeah so the last um thing that happens uh uh is more candy and block. And in the beginning of the episode, Candy was talking to Mama Joyce, who was struggling with the electronic can opener to open up some canned chicken breast. to block you know like he goes on the radio and says this and says that and it's like she it's everything that she can do within her power not to call up and be like block you know you're a deputy dad you have money you could be doing this and that but she doesn't do it because she's trying to take the higher road because of ronnie and all that but she's like but now i'm not gonna do that anymore and i'm like yes candy yes i'm like clapping here i'm like i hear him on the radio. And he's like, million-dollar bills, million-dollar bills. I don't call.
Starting point is 01:23:09 I'm like, LOL, million-dollar bills. Oh, Block. Well, the funny thing is that Block – the producers probably came to Block and was like, hey, you should come on the show. They probably said, it'll be good. You can really repair your image. I'm like, there's nothing about this. Block is – there are millions of people who never knew who Block was. And now they know.
Starting point is 01:23:26 And they think he's the biggest asshole because everyone loves Candy. And it only makes Candy look better and better and better because now she is like a mom fighting for her daughter against this deadbeat. And it's like – it makes me just like love Candy. I mean I've always loved Candy. But now I like love Candy. She's really dealing with it well. She's not getting broken down. Oh, she's so good.
Starting point is 01:23:45 And I love when she's talking to, he calls her when she's in the car with Joyce and he's like, Candy, blah, blah, blah. Like he's just as rude as possible. Yes. She wants to co-parent now. She tries to stay nice, but then she finally loses it and she's crying. And she's like, he's like, I'm going to chase you. She's like, you're so lame. You know, she starts her whole Candy cry and then he goes he's like hey mama
Starting point is 01:24:07 joyce and she's like hey block he's like how you doing and she's like how about that fifty dollars block she starts screaming about fifty thousand dollars yeah and he's like okay okay i love mama joy she is so crazy yeah you know the thing is after block i mean i understand why she was critical of todd because she had to deal with block but i also feel like because of block she should be much nicer to todd which she is now because it's like thank god he's not block but like block you know he i mean it is obnoxious that he calls up and he's now he wants to co-parent probably because the cameras are on him. And of course, Candy has heard this all before. And Candy has a great response, which is like, you know, she's 14 years old now. It's not about co-parenting.
Starting point is 01:24:52 It's like, she's like, see, see, why don't you go on your own? And why don't you start to communicate and build a relationship with her? And he's like, yeah, but you don't call me back. She's like, well, what do you want me to do about it? Just keep calling her. I meanesus christ yeah exactly and then but but i love when candy starts to really you know when she is feeling it like she's like angry and she's getting all emotional and she starts she starts doing like sort of like a julia sugar baker light sort of thing to him i am like my heart's like beating and she's like see now if you've been doing what
Starting point is 01:25:25 you're supposed to be doing you shouldn't have to chase nobody if you've been doing what you're supposed to be doing you would have had communication with me and ronnie before she said it much more dramatic than i did but you know i was like that guy's a total piece of shit like i have nothing to say to him i would have just hung up on him just every time he calls just put mama joyce on the phone she'll be like hello fifty thousand dollars like every time just just have that be your fight yeah i agree so that was essentially um atlanta and do we want to just uh let's let's touch on a little bit about what happened with Below Deck last week during our Thanksgiving hiatus. Yeah, we'll do a big recap of the next Below Deck episode that comes out.
Starting point is 01:26:13 I watched this one last night. This was the end of Dean. Dean, speaking of pieces of shit, what an asshole that guy is. He is just the worst. I mean, I'm glad he brought a track to this one. Yeah, he is. But they're the worst too like what's the point of working out that much and being that adorable if you're just going to
Starting point is 01:26:29 be some basic hoe for some old munchkin like why do you think they do it i mean they're insecure that's what i tell myself um you know i mean dean it's this is all dean's fault anyway because they had a plan and dean's like tell me don't play that i'm not gonna take this taxi again that is from in living color could you please not quote in living color especially the children who don't know what you're talking about and they don't even know that that's a wayne's joke and they're like dean who's homie so there's this you know so now you know captain lee has to go take his little dinghy out to get Dean, and Dean's waiting forever. He's like, gosh, we're stranded out here, taking forever.
Starting point is 01:27:07 I'm like, well, that's because you changed the entire plan at the last minute, you asshat. Go sit and marinate in that ocean and enjoy it. You're in paradise. Actually, the entire episode was just the captain going, god damn it. Bunch of idiots dragging your dick through glass. Bunch of damn fools. Make a ride on red stupid mother trucking fool faces. So mad.
Starting point is 01:27:31 God damn it. If you're going to go on an island, you got to do it right. You don't want to mess it up. And, you know, I don't want to see a goddamn dirty window on this goddamn yacht on the goddamn island around a goddamn thing one more time. That was basically it. So, Kelly, I like that Nico. Okay. more time that was basically it so kelly i like that nico okay nico took the keys and the editors were very careful to show us even with subtitles kelly saying okay here's the keys to the tender
Starting point is 01:27:54 whatever then nico leaves and then when they separated nico knew he had those damn keys he's acting like somebody planted the keys on them no no no because he's like this is all kelly's fault no it's not you knew you had the keys you put them in your damn pocket fool oh but do you remember they kelly said the keys are on on the top of are inside one of these coolers right and that cooler was like on the little taxi and then right before kelly was about to leave he swapped coolers with nico and so they forgot that the keys that they did the swap with he then was left with nico um oh so i'm it was i take it back i take it back i was so mad at nico this whole episode i was like that's your fault too never mind i take it back i loved how like the so everyone's like okay this
Starting point is 01:28:43 is it kelly's to get fired or something. It just seems like everything's going to go down. And then like captain Lee calls him. He's like, all right, this is what we're going to do. You obviously are overwhelmed. So we're going to take away some goddamn authority from you and give it to
Starting point is 01:28:56 goddamn Nico and make him the goddamn chief senior deckhand. Oh, okay. For one charter. Yeah. For like one chart. It was like, it was like kind of like a big
Starting point is 01:29:06 nothing and then like then lauren starts going around telling everyone like did you hear did you did you hear nico's the new captain of the boat he's the new captain did you hear nico owns the yacht now nico is now the president of angola anyone should we should we get him a cake? She's become so annoying. She's such an ass. When Kyle, his girlfriend, Ashley comes on the boat, and Lauren's like, I think it's the first time I've ever
Starting point is 01:29:37 met a transgender. I'm like, you got a mirror when you're shopping at Dillard's? It's not going to be that shocking okay well i loved when ashley came on board and my dad was in the room at this part and he laughed at this too when when um rabbit was like like oh you know actually she's very typical manchester you know lots of hair a lot of makeup, a lot of nails. I mean, perfectly lovely, perfectly lovely. But, like, you know, lots of... I love... I was laughing. By the way, that's totally me.
Starting point is 01:30:11 I'm the one who does that all the time on this podcast. Like, they just seem like such a huge, annoying bitch. I mean, I love her. She's so great. But such an annoying bitch. He's like... ask me or i'll slap you oh oh god look out i thought my first met car i thought of a ditch and he came over and says can i help you i think i get a drunk with you and no man's ever asked before i drank before oh this is the one he's the one it was even better than that she's like
Starting point is 01:30:40 in manchester it's good out there super guy guy, super hat, super air, super air. The bar's super hot. And by the way, the guy's got a clothesline by the back side, proper cared. And I was like, what's him? He's got blood coming down his face. That's for my number. I was like, what? So wait, let me get this straight.
Starting point is 01:30:59 You were some bar. You're watching the bouncer beat the shit out of some guy who turns around with a bloody face and buys you a drink. And that's the one. She's like, that's it. It's the one. It's the one. And then he goes, because Kate's asking her how they met. And she goes, I've got this head, Kate.
Starting point is 01:31:19 I've got this head. I'm good at that. And Kate goes, I can tell. i'm good at that and kate goes um i can tell kate was kate was especially prickly this episode which i loved i love prickly kate i'm so sad it took so long for her to be this prickly but she was kate was getting really annoyed because the stupid giant bouquet for rabbit was getting in everyone's way and was like in the fridge and she's like i'm sorry this can't be in the fridge i mean this is a workspace it's not your personal floral arrangement space whatever she's i don't know myself but i like that she's just saying like we need to move the
Starting point is 01:31:53 flowers because it pokes me when i'm trying to find fresh cheese and they're making it sound like she just said every cuss word in the book, threatened to fire everybody, and started the boat on fire. What did she do? Everyone's like, fuck Kate. She's like, well, I would like some fresh cheese. They're like, what a bitch. They're ready to kill Kate. Yeah, especially Nico. Nico is always like, she's a bitch.
Starting point is 01:32:23 I don't know why I gave nico a british accent but it's just where my mind would have made him more interesting that's for sure he's so annoying so um so dean he's like uh like kelly kelly comes over to dean and is like you know has his hang dog expression which is like his most adorable expression and he's like i'm really sorry, Dean. And Dean's like, well,
Starting point is 01:32:46 you know, I always like to do something interesting. So, um, I'd appreciate it if you like sang a song and then I'd accept your apology. And then they show a, like this montage of all the silly things that Dean makes people do. Like,
Starting point is 01:32:58 Hey, I want a costume contest. I just want a diving contest on the yacht. And I'm like, you know what? This montage doesn't make me think that Dean is this happy-go-lucky hilarious guy it makes me think you're an asshole who loves to abuse the help yeah he just wants to torture people so he can be like like how rich i am and then when he says that he's like i think i need an apology number and the little queen with him like his
Starting point is 01:33:20 little homely young person queen is like, Dean cheers. I was like, you're poor. It's not like you even, you're not even rich. You're not even rich, obviously. Cause you're banging some old leprechaun.
Starting point is 01:33:36 Okay. You're poor too. And you're using someone else's money to, Oh, fuck you. Yeah. All those guys. I'm so glad they're gone.
Starting point is 01:33:45 Get out. But he did give him a good tip. I'm so glad they're gone. Get out. But he did give him a good tip. He did, which was nice. It's like, it's worth it if you get the good tip. Unlike, uh, paralyzed Liza. Here, you get $12 each. Paralyzed. Both were horrifying in their own ways.
Starting point is 01:33:59 But yeah, at least they made money from Dean. Yeah. from dean yeah so um uh there's trouble in the land of emily and ben because now emily is like what i'm trying to remember what was her issue because basically she she feels sick of him and kate fighting all the time and then they both drag her in the middle you know kate's like being mean to her now and um ben is like wow okay there's kate being a bitch again what a shocker i am i love that you start to do a kyle thing you're like oh you're like wait no never mind oh i have to like reach my i have to reach my fingers to my nose to hold my nose yeah and and he's like darling hey robert do you want to go out to one last dinner together alone where we can discuss dill and the appropriate uses and disuses for it and she's like oh daddy
Starting point is 01:34:55 i think that we should hang out with the creeps in how about a group and he's like why but what about us and dill and he's like daddy what about a group and she basically was like thanks but no thanks let's just be friends yeah well it sounded like she was gonna do that but then then he took her on a date and then during the date he was like oh would you like to get a hotel room with me tonight she's like rabbit he's like well we don't have to even touch each other. We can be on other sides of a shower curtain sharing a lovely film from the 80s or something. She's like, that sounds so romantic. Will there be furtive glances?
Starting point is 01:35:36 Only the most furtive of glances. So they get a hotel room and they go stay over there. Now, I'm confused because Kyle got permission to go on date night with Ashley. But the captain's like, huh, date my guy with a long wig. Well, good for you. All right, go ahead. But be back here before bedtime. You're in big trouble.
Starting point is 01:35:57 I mean it. But then Ben leaves and goes off site with Emily and stays somewhere else. Maybe they'll get yelled at next week? Yeah, I don't know. There probably is a little bit of a screwy timeline situation there, but either way, yes, Ben and Rabbit got on a little hotel room action where they could be thoroughly polite to each other. And on Ashley and Kyle's date, he's like,
Starting point is 01:36:24 I don't really like the girl sierra because i took a fishing and she texted her boyfriend the whole time and she's like why are you talking about girl fishing what are you doing that and he's like well you weren't he goes he goes don't you remember what she told me fuck him on the boat look flat out you told me she's like i said if you're gonna fuck me you better tell me in real life so you don't you remember what you told me fuck him on the back look flat out you told me she's like i'll say that if you're gonna fuck me you better tell me in real life so you don't fuck me make it look stupid it's not a free pass to fuck me and he's like oh yes i misheard you then and then he just kind of like laughs at her and then she's fine and the funny thing is that all week long the commercials made ashley look like a psycho they're like they're like ashley's kind
Starting point is 01:37:03 of a psycho and he's like i went want to date with Sierra. And she goes, you fucking asshole, I'm gonna fucking kill you and knife off your wiener with a wanker and a band of bandwagon. They made her look like a crazy person. And then in the actual show, she's like, oh, alright. Yeah. You're an asshole.
Starting point is 01:37:19 Another cool thing called Purple Code. It's an ant. I don't even know what you just said. I don't either. I just have random Ashley. He's got a balaclava on, but he's still got a penis. You've not put a balaclava on that, and if he's going to use it, he's going to use it.
Starting point is 01:37:38 Basically, it was some real housewives of Shasha. So she's like, I need to get my doctor paid besides son that says you'll be with me after because i'm not gonna ever be able to work my own house so whatever does at all and he's like that's what i'm a dear you want me to even be there what if you think i'm just a stupid fuck off she goes oh that's like yeah fuck off he's like oh it's romantic we'll be there for whatever you want oh so funny well we well this is very exciting we're recording this on a tuesday tonight we have below deck and we have the season
Starting point is 01:38:14 premiere of ladies of london speaking of ashley ladies of london oh my god it's lads so thursday will be great we're going to be doing a full recap of Below Deck. We'll touch on Marriage and Medicine because I think there's probably only like two episodes left of Below Deck. And then Ladies of London premiere. Very exciting. And by the way, Top Chef is premiering on Thursday, which we'll, I guess, talk about next week. But wow. I am so excited for Ladies of London, and i'm very excited for life well let's go do it everybody it's good live that live shall we live it all right everybody thanks so much for
Starting point is 01:38:52 listening we'll talk to you next time bye hey prime members you can listen to watch our crappens ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

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