Watch What Crappens - #351: Resting Brit Face CODE RED

Episode Date: December 2, 2016

"Ladies of London" is back! Caroline is on a quest to make Julie cry, but instead she makes us laugh. Come join us as we recap the season 3 premiere. Then it's on to "Below Deck" and "Married to Medicine." Plus, gossip about Scheana Shay, and a casual ranking of Housewives in the Crappens Mailbag. 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:36 - Gossip! 00:11:20 - Crappens Mailbag / Best & Worst Housewives 00:27:52 - Ladies of London 01:10:20 - Below Deck 01:39:46 - Married to Medicine Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

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Hey, Ronnie, what's up? I am in the spirit, girl. I'm becoming Santa Claus right before your eyes, motherfuckers. Well, you may be, but I am doing it first because I'm sitting here sipping a venti java chip frappuccino with whipped cream because today was a very special reward day for my Starbucks card. So I got myself a foofy drink. Reward day.

I'm rewarded with nothing. Oh, it's delicious. I'll buy you one, Ronnie, and that'll be your pretend reward. No, because then I'll feel like I owe you something. Well, no. It's a gift. It's a gift, Ronnie. It's a gift. But then I'll be like I owe you something. Well, no. It's a gift. It's a gift, Ronnie. It's a gift.

But then I'll be like, I didn't get you a gift. Now I've got to get him a goddamn gift. You give me the gift of laughter every podcast. Oh, bam. And you give it to all our listeners. Just fill my heart with joy. Yes. By the way, we have to give know you know who we really owe we owe something to the listeners for

supporting this podcast because um you know again we just wrapped out uh november we had our biggest month of all time as as we were fingers were crossed we did it we hit over half a million listens for november which is cray cray that is cray cray and i would like to personally thank married to medicine because i know it's all you guys i know it's all the married to medicine listeners i i hope you're being facetious i am because i'm like i don't know like you know so you don't know how the internet works i'm like wait did we like tap into some like marriage medicine forum and also let's thank Jenny McCarthy for having me on her show, because that had

to have helped, right? I mean, there's no numbers or whatever. You can't see anybody's numbers. It's not like TV, where they're like, they got a 1.2. What losers! Well, we also have to give a shout-out to our new Twitter

follower, Miss Chrissy Teigen. Chrissy, we are so excited that you're following us on Twitter. It makes us feel cool. Come on our podcast. You just made Ben's year, okay? You just made Ben's 2016 a great one. Chrissy, we really like you and we want you to come on this podcast. So please come on.

But even if you don't, keep doing you. You do you, Chrissy Teigen. You got an approval from us. Don't worry. I know you were concerned, and now it's like, you know what? You got the official vote of approval from us. I'm sure she's been totally worried. You know what?

I'm going to get her a Starbucks also. How about that? Although that's going to, like, I don't want to detract from yours. So I'll get her, like, a coffee and tea leaf. I was going to say, I like that I equal to chrissy teigen with something today um anyway well obviously this is like crack in my starbucks today which is because i've only been drinking for like a minute so i'm already bonkers um let's get out there'll be the big show and ronnie ronnie's about to go off to palm springs and we don't want to hold him back so let's dive into this i am i'm one of the only gays who goes to palm springs in the winter who does that no winter is when you're

supposed to go oh everybody i know goes in the summer and now it's like winter and freezing they're like you want to go to palm springs well it sounds great let's swim in some ice cubes you dodos no peak season the summer is not the peak season because it's too hot although that's why i like to go when it's too hot. Like Dubai. Don't make me laugh when I'm sipping on my Java chip frappuccino. I'm not a tree. If I don't like it, I'll move. So if you're new to this podcast, Miss Tegan,

you can go to facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends to uh join in on the conversation we have we also crossed 8 000 likes on facebook so like everything is happening it's all happening including some gossip which we should probably reference at the top of the show after this um uh so facebook go to watch what crap ends.com for all social media links like twitter and snapchat instagram super fun stuff there. Patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends is where you can support the show like PBS style. And you get access to cool things like a weekly bonus episode where we've been lately talking about Marriage Medicine Houston. We talked about what we did on Thanksgiving this past week. You also get access to things like

Google Hangouts, which we did on Tuesday, which was super fun. It's always fun. And apologies to people who couldn't get into the Hangout this month. Something was up. And then also, that's how you can submit to the Krapitz mailbag, which will be coming up shortly, too. Also, subscribe to us on iTunes. And we have to give a shout-out to the Laughable app. You can listen to podcasts on this app called Laughable

and they are so kind to us. They put us up there big and bold and they give all links and all this love. So we have to show some love back to the Laughable app. So if you're looking for other different ways to listen to your podcasts and ways that might work with your lifestyle better, check out

the laughable app which you can get on i'm sure on itunes and i'm sure google play or whatever i think that's it ronnie we did it okay i'll start paying attention again i'm like i'm like i'm gonna go check who unfollowed us oh christy tegan okay great much like the audience when that part starts i start like cleaning my nails with some folded up paper boo looking up around the house okay i'm back i'm back everybody ronnie's back um why don't can we talk a little bit some gossip because we had some bombshell news happening in the world of bravo in the past sure let's do. I don't know if you heard this or not, Ronnie,

but there's a couple on Bravo that I assumed would be a forever couple, but unfortunately. Lisa and Ken. No, even worse. Diana and Guillermo. Even worse. That skinny girl and Tom.

Even worse. No, who could be worse? Salt and Pepper. Carter and Kristen. Sheena, Shay, and Mike Shay are going to be unshade. Sheena has filed for divorce, I believe. And so this couple, who seem to have success written all over them, will be no more. Well, she's got a lot of shit written all over her.

It's all not happening. It's all happening. When I got this tattoo, I didn't mean I was talking about divorce. She should have tried all the prime cocktails. Well, we knew that was coming because the last shot we saw of them as a couple was them at that party at katie and tom's house with dicks drawn on the chalkboard and she

shay going it's really nice she's like yeah that's what we saw like yeah it's gonna be a happy couple yeah also when somebody says we're like totally happy i'm like the happiest i've ever been like everything's better like it's even better than our wedding day. And divorce. Also, if your husband looks like he is actually living through the conjuring every time he's in your apartment staring at pictures of your photo to print pictures, photo to canvas pictures, that's a bad sign. I feel like that's why she always had him facing away from the camera and all those wedding pictures. I feel like that's why she always had him facing away from the camera and all those wedding pictures. Aren't those wedding pictures like him looking at the mountain behind them and then her smiling at the camera?

I mean, it's terrifying. And then she's got them angled so she's looking at her own face from the other wall, looking at her face. I never saw the movie It, but I feel like walking into Sheena's apartment is probably like experiencing that movie. I feel like it's like walking into a Three's Company set. It's like from the 70s with wood paneling on the walls and then a bunch of Sheena staring at each other. Both involve John Ritter, so it makes sense. Or the Haunted Mansion. You know those pictures where you walk through the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland and those pictures just stare at you the whole time?

And you're like, oh my god, their eyes are moving. It's like that part in the Haunted Mansion when you're on the little car and you're going by the mirrors or something and there's a ghost sitting in between you and your friend. It's like having suddenly a ghost of Sheena in between you and your friend. It's terrifying. It's a photo to canvas

all of a sudden next to you. Oh my god, poor Sheena. I just imagine her sitting alone on that terrible couch from the 80s, like maybe with some Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt because you know she ain't going to go too crazy. Sitting there with all the other Sheenas kind of looking over her head like,

even Sheenas won't look at me. You know who I bet is really happy about this is Brandi Glanville. She's probably going to gloat the hell out of this on whatever platform she has. Glanville just had some tweet where she was like squatting over a baby Jesus and people are like, Oh my God, that is so tasteless.

I'm like, you cannot call yourself a good Christian and follow Brandy, Brandy Glanville on the first. You've negated your own argument. Yeah. Oh my God. True words have never been spoken oh i also need to give an apology out to the world okay um which i'd love to do but world i'm so sorry last week when we were talking about mary de medicine i was like oh god i can't take another minute of simone and her goddamn father that she

doesn't even speak to. Fast forward. He's dead. He was found dead in some vacant house. Hopefully not by Quad. I guess time will tell. We found a clue. Yeah, I'm such an asshole. And, you know, I have a big mouth and I say whatever I want. And, like, 80% of the time

it turns out I'm just a judgmental asshole who doesn't know what he's talking about. Yeah, that's a sad situation. And we will touch back on that later on in the show because today is a big show. It's a big deal. We're going to talk about

the season premiere of Ladies of London season three and Below Deck which I believe is nearing its finale. Yeah, next week is the season finale. And then, of course, we will touch on Married to Medicine, and we'll touch on that very sad

storyline. But you know what we have to do first? It's Thursday. What the bin? Song for the Crabbins Mailbag! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. mailbag oh my gosh um crap it's mailbag if you don't know what it is excuse me i almost let out a java chip burp um it's pleasant like a baby you have your you have your little sippy sip and then you need to be burnt i know who's gonna come pat me on the back?

So this is where people can write in questions, and we will answer them. And you can write whatever you want, as you will see. So I'm just going to come in here. We still have a lot of questions in this bag from the past two weeks or so. We have some that we have not gotten to. We have one from Michael. We actually have two weeks or so. We have some that we have not gotten to. We have one from Michael. We actually have two from Michael Horne, so why don't we just read both of them right back to back. He's always good for a

good question. He says, Ben, I remember you doing a post many years ago on your blog naming the best and worst housewives. If you were to update that now, who would be on each of those lists? Which is, by the way, something I think about all the time, which is crazy. P.S., he says, I love how you named Alex McCord as one of the best and Luan and Vicky as two of the worst back then. Times have changed.

That is true. I did list Alex McCord as one of the best. You know, she hasn't dropped in my estimation. I really do like Alex McCord. It's just more that time has passed. This was probably like six years ago, five or six years ago, and there's just too many things have happened, and she's just been pushed down by other brighter stars.

If I had to revise it, and I have been thinking about this, I still think Lisa Vanderpump is number one. I think previously Sonya Morgan had been number one. I think this may have even been a pre-Beverly Hills list. So I think Lisa Vanderpump is number one. I think this may have even been a pre-Beverly Hills list.

So I think Lisa Vanderpump is number one. I think she's just the queen. She's the funniest. She's the cleverest. She just doesn't give a shit, and she just always emerges on top, and you just have to respect that. I've been thinking that number two, though, might be Luann. I feel like Luann is just a force unto herself. What do you think, Ronnie? Getting married, girls. Would you believe it? Would you believe it? I'm number two on the list.

Look at this boat. I really always have trouble picking a best or worst because I feel like best or worst is too loose. Like I need funniest or most fabulous because like vicky to me is the best i mean if you look at vicky throughout the years she is like a super nuclear covered cockroach that they just they try and stomp her she'll stomp her damn self she'll walk right into a roach trap and come out and somehow you'll feel bad for her you know you'll be like i hope you find the the crumbs behind the shelf and feed your family like i love you nuclear cockroach i don't know why she's awful she's had cancer scams she's had all like everything bad that you can think of a person could do vicky has done and i'm sure she's run somebody over and pretend she didn't feel it um vicky has done all those things but you know here she goes again

another season when no one will shoot with vicky and she still walks out she walks out i mean not like a rose but you know like uh she smells like a like a corpse flower. It doesn't smell great, and yet you line up to watch it. She smells like a four-for-a-dollar can of Glade, where you're like, I know this has got to be cancer-causing because it's like 25 cents, and who does that? But I'm still buying it. She's like a Febreze air effect. So, you know what?

Before we go in any further on this topic, I pulled up the webpage. This was from 2010, so it has been six years ago. This is hilarious. I mean, times have changed. These are my top ten best. And let me back up again. You made a very good point. When you talk about the best Real Housewives, it's so hard to define because it's not like who are like the good people

necessarily, or who are even the ones that you enjoy. But like, when you think back, you're like, wow, like this show, you can't have the show without this person. Or this person is always so funny. Or this person, I like this person. So you have to like, consider all these factors, you know? Because sometimes someone like candy burris you just love candy burris she's like unsinkable candy burris and you love her because she's like you feel like she's a good person she's smart whatever and then someone like vicky you sort of love because she's like terrible for all the reasons that like that are opposite of candy burris so it's really fascinating here's here's what the list was which is i'm like actually mortified to think that i put these

people on here number 10 was was Gretchen Rossi. Meh. I missed that voice because I could just whip out my Sheena voice. However. Because back then, Gretchen was awesome. Number 9, Caroline Manzo. Oh god, how did you

ever? Were you a fan of the movie Beethoven? I actually objectively hate Beethoven. I saw it in the theaters. I feel like Caroline Manzo's Beethoven. She's got that face. You're like, oh, she must be cute because her jowls are on the ground. And then she's terrible.

You're like, why did I pay $15 for this? Wow, what screening of Beethoven did you go to in 1990? $15. The fanciest movie theater in 1990. You're like in a little children's bow tie, top hat. I'm going to Beethoven. And you're like, oh, I thought it was the concert.

Hey, I paid for the Betamax, okay? Some of Charles Grodin's greatest work. But remember, Caroline Manzo in 2010. People really liked her a lot. Um, number eight, Gina Keogh. Okay. I can, I can support that. Maybe a little high these days, but I support Gina Keogh.

Number seven, Dina Manzo, who again, back in the day was great, but now she's like, whatever. Number six, Ramona Singer. Now that's a solid choice. If you ask me, I would even put, I would actually put Ramona higher these days. I think Ramona is lightning in a bottle for reality television. I feel like at least you didn't have to hear about this on page six. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But I'm not just number six, okay? I should be number four number three whatever I won't go into a whole Ramona thing because otherwise we're never going to get through this podcast number five I put as NeNe Leakes okay number four was Bethany Frankel

I wouldn't put Bethany as high I would I obviously would not put Bethany or NeNe as high but they are it's not a crazy choice now this is crazy I did put Alex McCord as number three, which that's crazy. That's officially crazy. That is crazy. I mean, honestly, what did Alex McCord ever do?

She made people go to Governor's Island, which was hilarious. Or was it Roosevelt Island? I don't remember. One of those islands with a mental hospital on it. Where it was windy and trash blew around during the picnic. Yeah, and her last season she tried really hard in her herman munster shoes she tried she stomped around and tried but no one would give her the time of day i mean i just think of her as a sad sack especially because

she ended up doing a webcam show what was her thing it's like yeah she's like like hello this is alex here's what i thought of last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Why is everyone so mean to Lisa? Click. Well, I can tell you why I chose Alex as number three. I said, remember the first season of Real Housewives of New York City? Back then, Alex was portrayed as a pretentious, haughty, wannabe socialite who really had no idea what the hell she was doing. As a result, she came off kind of awfully at the time, but over the course of the second season, we began to realize that she's actually a very lovely and sweet person.

By the third go-around, while all the other women were getting nastier and nastier, she somehow became the nice one, perhaps even the wallflower. Her ability to stay above the petty arguments and feuds was admirable until she plunged right into the heart of it like a kamikaze pilot alex's decision to quote unquote deliver the message remember that she was always delivering the message was not her finest moment but we understood how she felt driven to that place and truthfully her ensuing confrontation with jill zarin was somewhat amazing go alex i will never forget alex mccord walking into that party. I think it was at Sonia's house. With her Herman Munster shoes. Yes, and she was going to just tell somebody off.

And then she just got kicked out. She's like, oh, oh. Like, she didn't even get to say anything. They just kicked her out. And then she went outside and was on her phone to Simon. She's like, well, oh, they kicked me out. I didn't get to say it. They kicked me out. I didn't get to say it yeah i didn't get to do it like nice cry with simon the the puppet master the foppet master over there you are a mean girl in brook you are a mean girl in high school and while you are a mean girl i am in brooklyn

which is actually kind of like the log line for Gallery Girls. There's never a t-shirt going to be made of that log line. Yeah. So real quickly, number two, I put Sheree. That's kind of fun. And number one, I put Sonia. So I think I would definitely – Luann was on my bad list. And I would definitely put Luann.

She might get to like number two of best of all time because i mean i mean what this amazing character this woman who's like very self-involved she's a countess and uh she's all about manners and yet she has turned she goes and has sex with pirates in the caribbean and now is like on this deranged, like path to marriage with a fake D'Agostino on it. And there's a boat involved. It's, I mean,

it's just, you just don't forget. She renamed scrambled eggs. I mean, that's a huge, that's a huge, and she releases songs. I mean,

there's just like, she can be insufferable. She can be in denial about things. She can be absolutely ridiculous and over the top. But there's just no way to deny the wonders and the pleasures of Countess Luan. Nor would I. Nor would I, Ben. Yeah.

Do you want to hear real quickly? I won't do a big thing. I'll just go down the list of who was on the worst. Sure. Number 10, I said Lynn Curtin, for shame. Number 9, I put Vicky Gumbelson. I would put her on best also now. Number 8, I put Luann.

This is all backwards. Number 7, I put Jill Zarin. Number 6, I put Teresa Giudice. See, I hated her for a long time number five i put tamra number four i put alexis bolino number three ken zolciak number two daniel stobb and the number one worst one kelly kelly ben simone oh my god she's still blooming i mean she did a thing this weekend she did did this Twitter video or Instagram video. I think it was Twitter.

Where she's like, hey, everyone. I just wanted to say bullying people is mean. And she went off on this Real Housewives of New York rant with her kids looking miserable sitting there. They were like, we have to be in this. And then everybody was turning on her in the comments. They're like, you fucking maniac. Get your children children off your weird video why are you still talking about this and then she tweeted thanks a lot tweeties i guess i won't share my feelings anymore thanks for bullying me about bullying

yeah i should update that list because there's been like five more real housewives since then so um you know what we've spent a lot i said we're gonna read more questions but i think we should just we we have to get this show on the road because ronnie has you have to get on the road so why don't we put a pin in this why don't we do we'll do we'll finish up these questions on tuesday and then we'll reload up the mailbag how does that sound that sounds good to me that sounds good apologies for misleading everyone um but that was that was such a meaty question. That was one of those questions that was a segment unto itself.

Well, what would you like to begin with, my little Benjaminius? You know, it's hard for me to say because I'm feeling a little cold these days. I wish I had a new sweater. Well, don't you have an ugly sweater around there? It's almost Christmas. You know what's so funny? I do have an ugly sweater. Well, good, because everyone needs

an ugly Christmas sweater this time of year. If you want bragging rights for the most talked about sweater at your Christmas parties, listen up. Yeah. Yeah. And this is true because remember the tipsy sweater I wore? We both were wearing them at Cabo Cantina.

And everyone was like, we love your sweater. We love your sweater. And everyone was taking pictures with it. Remember that? Yes. And I hadn't bought you a present. So I was like, here's your present. And it was like your tipsy L sweater that you already naturally got.

Anyway, they have hundreds of Christmas sweater designs, and they're like nothing you've ever seen before. They have a bunch of new 2016 sweaters that you won't find anywhere else, and they're all about fun. But they actually are good quality and good construction. Yeah, ours are like little ginger gingerbread men ninja bread men they're like kicking each other's butts and stuff yeah and i just i just ordered one that's actually it's like a more of a classic one i think it's a i think it's like a takeoff of the sweater from the christmas story and i also got some socks with menorahs on them well i am not going to let this happen to me again because last year i wanted a onesie so bad and

they were out of the extra triple quadruple lebanese large size so i'm gonna have to go back on there and see if they're in there now but while you're shopping for your ugly sweater check out the other holiday and collegiate attire for yourself like as a gift okay like adult onesies whoa that's crazy you know this reminds me of when i was a little girl i was shooting a bb gun they said you bbs can get in your eye okay so i shot the bb gun you know what happened i shot jeldyn parsons smith in the eye instead and she said you know what christmas is canceled forever for you so i'm sorry i'm sorry to this day i've never spent celebrating christmas okay one time i was wearing a skirt and this tank top. And my dad said, why are you wearing a tank top over here, you little harlot?

And then he sewed up the tank top to the skirt. And then he sewed the skirt to my socks and it became a onesie. Oh, this is crazy. It's crazy. This one time I remember I got a lamp and it looked like a leg. Okay. And I said, what a great leg lamp. And Julian Parsons Smith said, you have worse legs than that lamp.

Guess what? And I said, that's the meanest thing you could have ever said to me because I aspire to be better than the lamp. Okay. And to this day, I can't look at lamps that look like legs. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Lamp. I shot my own eye out just like my dad said I would.

It was crazy. Right? One time. Right now, this time today, right now, this one time, our listeners get 20% off at tipsyls.com, okay? On anything you order on the site. Just make sure you don't try to lick the site because your tongue could get stuck to your computer, okay? Shop now so you have the best selection to choose from and you have it in time for your ugly christmas sweater party otherwise known as lillian's wedding hey i'm sorry i'm sorry but her wedding is day class a i'm sorry

but at least at least you didn't have to hear better on page six like I did. I'm sorry. Go to tipsyelves.com and enter a code CRAPPENS at checkout to get your 20% site-wide discount. Okay? Renew yourself. Go to tipsyelves.com. Enter code CRAPPENS at checkout. That's tipsyelves.com. Code CRAPPENS. And soon you'll be looking like sunshine

Do you have any sunshine sweaters? Do you have any sweaters that will remind me of sunshine? Tipsy Sunshine My new sweater company I'm sorry Luan likes sweaters Alright So shall we begin with a little What would you like? It's your choice today Sorry. I'm sorry. Luann likes sweaters too. All right.

So shall we begin with a little, well, what would you like? It's your choice today. Ladies' choice. Ladies' choice. Well, why don't, since it is ladies' choice, I think the ladies choose London. The lads of Lunds. Lads of London. Welcome home, my little lads of Lunds've missed you so yes yes so so now we're here season premiere

of ladies of london annabelle is gone perhaps to tend to the memory of alexander academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industries my holla herald a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society

that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.

I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. And anyway. She's at home getting things with the mum. Talking about the good old days. That reminds me of Alexander. I am actually extremely upset that she's not on

this year. Sorry, I take a sip of java chip frappuccino every single time. I'm like, oh, Ronnie's going to talk for about 10 seconds now. I can sip some java chip. And then you're like, I'm upset. I'm like,

I'll just like leave this java chip to the side for a moment um so i don't know what annabelle is up to but we start out in mapperton which was sort of surprising i was like i can't believe the season is starting with julie of all of all people not caroline so um julie uh is like walking around mafferton and she comes into like luke her husband's office and he's like he's like oh we got chairs that are 400 years old darling yeah only in this fucking show would 400 chair 400 year old chairs sound like a good idea and not only that that they are like not even behind like some sort of velvet rope because like england is so old that a 400 year old chair is like the equivalent of going down the brain picking up a vintage thing from 1989 uh i like that julie has perfected her

like fake english accent because anybody who knows people who have lived in London, even for a week, they will come back like, where's the tube? How do I take the tube? Like, you know, it called a subway. You've lived in New York your whole life.

You don't get to take a vacation and suddenly come home and say the tube or my friend Rosie lived there for a while. And she's like, shall we go upstairs and catch a lift? I'm like, no, it's an escalator, bitch. Don't be starting. I know. My friend went to school in Scotland and I remember going to Applebee's during Thanksgiving break freshman year and she came back.

She's like, everything – this is so brilliant. This is brilliant. Oh, my God. I love it. It's brilliant. I'm like, what's this Scottish talk and why are you doing it in Amblebees? You're like, this is a Southwest chicken salad literally covered in sour cream.

This is not brilliant. This is like the last thing that's brilliant. So Julie, in case she isn't... Luke! Luke! Luke! I'm like, you white American lady, okay?

But at least her hair looks better. At least she finally got that hair, like, tamed down. Remember last year? Every time they had a flashback to her hair last year, and it was just, like, this crazy, like, like, Doc from Back to the Future thing going backwards. Yeah, because she had it bleached strong, and then every time she had one of her testimonial

scenes she looked like a vampire do you remember that because it was so bright and then her contacts i don't know what she was wearing but they were yellow she looked like she she was dead basically yeah so anyway so um in addition to normally being a stress ball, Julie has extra stress in her life because Luke's parents have handed over Mapperton to them to run. And they're in the process of transitioning into moving there and taking it over. And she's like, I was already nervous. I was already a stress case. And now to take over Mapperton. I don't know how I'm going to do that.

I'm like, I don't know how you're going to do it either. I mean, you could barely make hot chocolate last year. I mean, I don't know how you're going to handle it as mean you could barely make hot chocolate last year i mean i don't know how i was gonna handle it as a british estate you had a nervous breakdown when you burnt mac and cheese i mean yeah i don't know how this is gonna work out but i love that julie so consistently but what if i don't do it i won't just be luke's wife that failed i'll be the american wife that failed the american she's got like this crazy insecurity about being an american yeah like you ain't gonna change it yeah you ain't and even if you don't fail they'll still

say that you're an american who failed they'll just you're just you will never be accepted so just accept that yeah exactly but i i love it never occurred to me like we all know that her husband is soon to be the earl of sandwich um But I never thought, I never thought Petunia together. And I thought, wow, like when she announced and she said that she's going to eventually one day be the Countess of Sandwich. And that just like cracked me up. Julie, the Countess of Sandwich. And then she said, and there's nothing we can do about it. It's going to happen.

You didn't know that when you married a man named Sandwich. I can't believe that Bravo found another Countess or at least a countess to be i mean after all this talk that we just said about like could you believe it's lighting in a bottle like luanne's a countess they found a countess and we've actually got a countess and she's terrified and needs to pay the rent she's like i have a live online community where you can pay 20 a month and i'll say hi this is so sad i mean you're you're the american wife who can't handle mapperton and has an online account where people pay to say hi to you i mean and then she takes a photo shoot for some magazine celebrating the Countess of Sandwich. It's like the new Subway ads or whatever. And the photographer's like,

how about you smile? And she smiles this big, terrified smile. And he's like, you're a natural. She's like, oh, that's me, the American. Naturally American, huh? Everyone's gonna say. I just want to know where her

jub balls are. Why have we not heard about Jub balls? Why? Julie's, what was it, Sanford? Julie's ultimate ball or something? I don't know Julie's U-turn balls So then I have to just as a macro note say, Jesus

ladies of London, way to be depressing Yes, that's exactly what I was going to say. Second segment of the season. Julie talks about how she sees her husband once every two months because he's at Mapatown. And she's terrified and feels like a stupid American. Then we cut to

Marissa, who's like, I could die. Literally whatever. I could bleed out. I could bleed out and die. Bleed out and die. I can die she literally can die i can lead out and die bleed out and die i can die i can die i was like this till the first week of shooting i'm like what is wrong with these producers like we're trying to get like people watching this show more like you can't open it up with like like baby death drama god like could you guys have done this last week i mean we know she lives and everything

thank god or like at least introduce it later in the episode i mean like first of all i mean it wasn't a particularly interesting storyline i mean she's so it opened up with her and on her scene where she was lying in bed and she's pregnant i was like oh she's pregnant okay and then you know she it's like the new new thing on Bravo to like have like hysterectomy slash baby, like baby when you're older complication shit. And so in this case, in the case of Marissa, at least, at least she actually is pregnant. Unlike Dawn from Cheshire or Lisa Nicole on Married to Medicine, you know, at least Marissa actually has a baby in her, and it's like a real threat. But man, what a way to start. Jeez. No kidding.

She's like, wow, the lining of my stomach. I don't know. It's not really working, so my daughter could be dead. So we're gonna take her out, and I could bleed out. I could die. And it's this really long scene of sadness, and she's talking to her husband. He's packing her up for the hospital, and he's like, would you like me to get you underwear she's like no my knickers please

that's the big knickers i'm like oh good in the knickers drawer please hot dogs um so finally the show gets to what we've been waiting for which is caroline sandbury and her sister-in-law soon to be just friend, Sophie, who are lying around, hungover, because Caroline just had her 40th birthday party. In a trashed-ass hotel room. Yeah. Yeah, so it was...

See, this is what I don't get about this show. Why did we miss Caroline's 40th birthday, but we're watching somebody possibly die with their baby? Exactly. Maybe switch the weeks. They've got their priorities all wrong this it should have been like three episodes worth that 40th birthday uh it looked really fun and they're getting transfused what do you call them it's they're getting a drip they're going like nomad md was making it across the pond there's like a van outside with the hose all the way up to their hotel room.

And Eugene is giving them like vitamin transfusions or whatever. Nomad MD. And then Caroline is like talking about how this past year was so difficult for her because, you know, Gift Library closed. And it was like, you know gift library closed and it was like you know her life was gift library and then they showed flashbacks to when she was terrorizing her employees nostalgic news mom and that part where she got it was a flashback and you hear reyna her assistant on the line going does this mean we're fired mom she's like yep all right mom i'll go back to the quarters and then remember she went straight to some vacation

like some first class vacation yes and she's sitting in like the presidential suite of the four seasons and she's like this is the worst day of my life thinking of what I've done to all those poor people. And then they were like, Caroline, do you have caviar in your hair? Oh, I guess I do. Yeah, they literally did that. They literally pulled caviar out of her hair and she was like,

I can't believe I had to close down and fire all those people. What a terrible day for me and for them. I'm so sorry, I couldn't keep it alive. Oh, excuse me. I've got caviar on my hair. I feel like I might as well have eaten thousands of babies. And they're like, you're actually eating thousands of fish babies right now.

Like, oh, that's true. Doesn't help. So now Caroline is basically like a house. It's just a housewife. And she clearly hates it. She's like, well, no, I'm just a housewife. One clip of her at home. One clip. And she's like a house. It's just a housewife. And she clearly hates it. She's like, well, no, I'm just a housewife. They show one clip of her at home. One clip.

And she's like, hello. And the kid's like, mommy, I'm hungry. And she's like, are you now? Just like blinking blankly at the child. Like, gross. What do I do with this thing? She's like, you're not going to win this one, child. You may stop this fight, child, but I'm going to end it.

We can see where this season is going to go because she's in bed with Sophie getting their transfusion. And she's like, I want you to know that even though you're divorcing my brother, you are still family to me and nothing will ever break us. Which means they'll be broken up. Yep. That's exactly what I thought. I was like, oh, like oh okay so they're gonna be fighting and like mortal enemies by the end of the season great yes and then and i love how caroline the way she describes sophie's divorce she goes i'm actually so ready for this i'm like well i'm glad you are caroline every time we're around them they bicker so this is wonderful for everyone

around them congratulations i mean i don't know how the kids are taking it but you know who cares about children anyway if you're paying attention to your children you need to get what we call a life clear the children clear clear them so they start talking about jewels because sophie has become friends with jewels and caroline is pissed because she does not caroline's very she acts like she's the most secure but she's very insecure so she's just positive that they're walking around talking about what a bitch she is which we find out later that it's, you know, is happening I like how Aaron's like well, she's the village foghorn foghorn leghorn

they even took him off of the WB I mean, if you're gonna say something why do you have to keep announcing you're gonna say it over and over and over again if I have to see her do that hello my darling, hello my baby, hello my good time gal, one more time, I'll shove that cane down her throat.

I believe you're referring to Michigan Jade Frog, not Foghorn Leghorn. I was. Who is Foghorn Leghorn then? I believe he is the oversized rooster who says I say, I say, I say. Oh, the one obsessed with chicken? Either way, he's beneath me.

Thargon. I did get that mixed up. I've really got that crazy. I say, I say, I say. Thargon, get Paulina. Paulina, tell Thargon to get Valentina. Valentina, get Thargon. She's having people coming in and out of her office

like the old days. Valentina, please stop by the burn unit. Get Amber out of there. And have her explain to this idiot what Leghorn is. Thank you. Falkon, can you go down to the basement, find the files, slowly, slowly,

cross the forehead. Oh, so she's already pissed and Sophie's like but I love Jules she's such a wonderful girl I can talk to her I can talk to her about marriage children marriage

children what it's like to be an awful American that everyone hates. I mean, I'm not one, but I can relate to her feelings of insecurity about it because it's true. See, Sophie is smart. Sophie is playing the long game. She's saying, OK, this woman's about to become the Countess of Sandwich. She owns Mapperton.

She has a title. So in the long run, it pays to be friends with her. Even if she's going to be a terrible American and mess it all up. Well, yeah, she explains it to us by just saying, I love being friends with Caroline, but I need Jules as well. Because, you know, Jules feels things and can show emotion. So then we move over to our favorite Looney Tune, Caroline Fleming. How lucky are you to move over to me here in London? His little son who reminds me of the little Mike Myers character from Saturday Night Live.

Simon. Who's always alone in the bathtub. Well, my name is Simon and I come to do drawings. That's him. He's just like a rich kid always left alone. And Fleming is giving him a granola bar, which I couldn't even believe. Like a real process, Sun Nature Valley or whatever granola bar. part is you get an instant insight into like both her faux new age bohemian lover of all

sunshine and plants and colors and then also like her aristocratic bitchy side where she's like here have a granola bar no crumbs be very careful with this bar because I'm very connected with my physical body. And one crumb can keep me awake.

One grain of sand on the beach would keep me awake forever. So connected. I'm like, you shut up. You know that Carol Burnett played the princess and the pea. Lying on a crumb doesn't work with my physical body. She literally said that. That's a direct quote. Lying on a crumb doesn't work with my physical body. She literally said that. That's a direct quote. Lying on a crumb doesn't work with my physical body.

She has been... Okay, and this is another really fun scene. So far, we've had possible baby death, divorce, husband abandonment with... 400-year-old chairs. Old chairs 400 year old chairs old chairs 400 old chairs and now we get another abandoned child

and a dead dad in one scene and crumbs Caroline's dad is ill which is terrible of course so she's been going

to Denmark lately but still even amongst this I still was cracking up because just everything she says I just was writing down everything because just she speaks in this like arch old-fashioned way like she's in some like a 1942 movie you know that's like it's a movie

about christmas it's always like a movie about christmas she's like so quickly it's a very quick trip for mommy quickly and he's in bed in like a full tux or whatever eating his granola and the second she she tells us that she's going to denmark all the time because she has to be nice to her dad now and stuff and she's like yes it could be considered child abandonment but on the other hand daddy needs me and then she turns to hug the kid and he's dumping his crumbs all over the bed and she does a very shannon bidor thing but in her own voice she's like oh wow wow i believe she actually said oh my wow wow that's very difficult for mommy's virgo ocd wow well you know good boys would not get abandoned. Crumbless boys have mummies.

You know what they say? Keep in the crumbs and get to keep mummy. You know what they say? A mummy who doesn't get her sleep doesn't have children. I cannot sleep on crumbs. No more crumbs for piggy wicky boys or parents. I was rooting for that kid. That was basically him just, I don't know, walking into the middle of the living room just taking a piss. I was like, you go, kid.

Act out. She suddenly comes in with a bowl of Fritos. Oh, I thought you would want fritos now that you're acting like a sloppy american speaking of sloppy americans let's go to the hospital where someone's about to possibly die and or bleed out yeah it's marissa it's marissa and she's i just just crying she's crying crying they're like walking around they like get to like the operating room she's like oh my god she's like i. She's crying, crying. They're like walking around. They like get to like the operating room. She's like, oh my God.

She's like, I want to turn this into a hot dog restaurant. He's taking some kind of Snapchat video or something. He's like, here we are in the hospital. Marissa's sitting there, mommy to be, baby to be, possibly both not to be. Who knows? I don't know. We're waiting to see. She's still with us. She's still living living you're still breathing over there darling she's still breathing my little snappy chats he's uh filming a new a new portion of the soon-to-be

hit movie hospital actually so dumb i hope emma thompson's in this one too just being sad marissa's like i just want to know before i die and or bleed out did i reach number one on the christmas charts no you did not love you did not oh it was it's so awkward look if i'm ever pregnant possibly about to die in the hospital don don't be taking a Snapchat of me. And then she starts sobbing and he's like, there she is crying. Well, he's trying to, I mean, if she dies, he's trying to remember her. Well, remember her, I don't know, looking happy or something.

Or just pull the footage from Bravo because there's a full on camera crew there, too. Yeah, that's true. But I am proud of them for not turning this into a hot dog commercial. So, we had a commercial break, and we come back, it's like, anxiety, fear, the husband-sister's there, they're talking,

they're thinking, there's, like, dissolve, dissolve edits, so we know time is passing, and then everything's fine. That's good, everything's fine. Yeah, everything's fine. So then we get to finally go over to caroline and luke her uh her luke and uh she we find out that she has to move to dubai for her husband's new job and she's all excited and just her life is hilarious she's like our home is so fabulous somebody wanted to rent it out and we said fine rent it out with all of our furniture and everything so we got this home

and now we're moving to dubai which you can't stay in in the summer because it's disgustingly hot she's got all these houses juggled in the air i know i love her life but i by the way i hate that she's moving to dubai and if she like she in London because the show needs to go on for many more seasons with Caroline Sanbury. Girl, I feel like if anybody's going to get stoned in Dubai, it's Caroline. I hope she's got a very, very strong headpiece to wear, like a helmet or something to wear around there. I feel like she would hate Dubai. I feel like she'd just look at these oversized hotels and she'd go to Atlantis and see these aquariums and just

sneer at them. She would just think it's all tacky shit worthy of Caprice. Shocks are so over. The Shocks are out of it, but I'm going to end it. So Luke is helping her and everybody's telling her they don't want her to move to Dubai. And she's like, I'm not a tree. If I don't started it, but I'm going to end it. So Luke is helping her, and everybody's telling her they don't want her to move to Dubai.

And she's like, I'm not a tree. If I don't like it, I'll move. And then we meet her friend Adela. Yeah, Adela's going to be interesting. We already know she's going to be crazy because she's got kind of a hamster face, and then she's got big, long straw hair and big old boobs. And she has, I mean, she has such a wrestling bitch face. I mean, it is out of control. Like, she really makes Kate Chastain seem sunny.

I mean, she is really like, because she not only has a wrestling bitch face, but she squints with, like, evil. I love it. Yeah, she has an evil squint. And they're like, would you help us move? And she's like, evil. I love it. Yeah, she has an evil squint. And they're like, would you help us move? And she's like, no. And then she goes, well, you work out, Adela. She goes, I work out to look good in bikini, not to move boxes.

She's like, well, go find a removal man. And so she just goes out and sees some hot young guy without a shirt. And she's like, would you like to be a removal man? And Caroline says that they've been friends for a long time. And she's like, if we didn't get any attention. She used to get all the attention from the man. And if men didn't like her, she'd say, just snog us.

Then they'll like us. I love how Caroline, Adela, and Sophie just these like hot party chicks in the 90s or whatever it was and they just probably got drunk had a lot of sex did a lot of coke went to the most amazing parties and just kind of like lived a lifestyle that i always wish i had yeah and then still got to go home to a fucking castle or whatever yeah and then went home to a castle like that episode where caroline took went home to a castle. Like that episode where Caroline took everybody underground to that place. It was like under a subway, and she's like,

this bar was rock and roll. First time I pissed on a prince. We're like, what kind of life did you lead over there? Annabelle's like, I beg to differ. I can tell you what rock and roll is. It's knitting! Crossword puzzles! With Gran, Mom.

With Gran. So we know this Adela is going to be crazy because she is wearing a Kim Richards blouse. You know the Kim Richards blouse when she was in her drunkest season? It was like that turtleneck blouse? Yes. Adela's wearing that, but in purple.

Oh, yeah. High hopes. Literally high hopes. We also know that Adela's going that but in purple oh yeah high hopes literally high hopes we also know that adela's gonna be a bitch because basically she's coming in to be an ally with caroline so anyone who's an ally with caroline generally is a total bitch yes the best way possible yeah like you and you could just tell like you know again caroline comes from a certain class in in england you know i don't know if it's the highest class whatever but she is of a certain social standing and um and like all her friends are from that social standing too so when they get together they are just condescending and just evil to people beneath them and um adela it looks like she'll just fit right in. Yes. So the next scene is Sophie with Jules.

Jules is back and they're doing the normal walk down the street with the coffee. Classic. Classic surfing Jules. Because people in London are like, you are not shooting your shitty reality show. In our classy restaurant, this is London. How dare y'all? So they have to do a lot of scenes walking around town. So they're walking around with coffee and Jules is like,

I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm a Britain. Sophie's like, yes, well, I'm going to have a divorce party to make me feel better about being alone in the world. And I want everyone to get on.

You know, for example, Caroline, You know, for example, Caroline, you know, she's already been warning me that you're dangerous in some loose-lipped sort of a way. Julie's like, what? What? And then Julie starts getting, being ridiculous about it. She's like, it attacks my character, my brand.

Like, what is your character and what is your brand? And how have you not already destroyed it yourself by devolving into tears when someone makes fun of your yoga pose? Your brand isn't worried about loose lips, okay? It's about giant balls. Get your private parts straight and your branding. Just focus on those old chairs. That hurt my brand! Now on these shows, these ladies stay mad at each other for years over the first fight that they ever have.

Like they will never let it go. And in this case, I'm glad that Julie is present enough to understand the minute she started hating Caroline. She's like, she hurts my brand first when she went after my yoga. I'm like, we're really still going back to that stupid moment yes and it was one of the funniest moments because she's like well i'm gonna do an upside down tree or whatever and they were in that hotel room but julie couldn't get into the pose well and caroline fleming's like all right i will do it with you and i will do it better let me just goes and just like get straight up and just like no the point is you go up slowly and caroline stammer is like look at the american failing again how dare she that is my

brand and sophie tells us i thought yogis were about love light and forgiveness i guess not and jules was like stop defending her stop it she went after my yoga but then julie does like get in touch with her inner bitch herself and she's like well i have the one thing she will never have and that's a title i like that i like to sometimes if i'm ever walking with caroline stanbury again i'm taking her to a barnes and noble and she can look around to see all those titles that she'll never have and just to clarify that title is ceo of jug balls and teacher of yoga hot chocolate maker sort of night manager of mapperton biker on streets okay i get that having a title where you all are from is a big deal but we already know from jules that she got her title and then got saddled with basically a lakinta in i mean she had to open a goddamn sandwich shop in there because they couldn't keep the lights on

it's like i mean i know it's a title darling but it's like it's a discount title if i ever go back to england you can be sure i'm going to go to mapperton and take pictures i will i will do it and they'll let you and they'll probably charge you for five dollars or five dollars every picture you take as you eat your tuna fish exactly maybe i'll like try to smuggle one of those 400 year old chairs back to america they'll never know that's where valentina is valentina is now working as a guard for the chairs bad news mom someone tried to steal a chair again bad news mom mapperton's dead so let's see they're basically having issues now because sophie has set her off on purpose sophie never said a damn thing but of course now she's got jules going crazy and jules has come

back with this attitude that i'm a lady of mapperton now and so she's like ready to just yell at everybody and yeah her title yeah she's like her she's she is trying to be like more self-assured this season. You can see she's coming in ready to fight because last season she was a mess. So we'll see how that works out. I have this separate paragraph, so sorry. But she goes, she's wet her face. Sophie's like, she didn't mean anything by it, darling.

She really likes you. I mean, I think what she was just saying is that you're dangerous. And Jules goes, dangerous? darling she really likes you i mean i think what she was just saying is that you're dangerous dangerous that means threatening that's affecting my character and my yoga yeah and and sophie kept on trying to to like defend caroline and julie was doing this whole thing but what about me so then we then we had like a segment where we got to learn about sophie a little bit you know we saw how she was working out and we learned how um she and alex who was caroline's brother they like caroline set them up and it was just supposed to be like a one-night stand but then they got married and everything was wonderful but and they were like a party couple but then they became parents and alex never stopped partying. And now Sophie just hates him, hates him to pieces.

Yes. And he comes over to pick up the kids and he won't even look at her or talk to her. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, isn't it wonderful to see daddy? He's like. Yeah. Yeah.

So she's getting ready for her divorce party and all the girls start arriving etc x x etc to pronounce it properly just kidding just because i know that would make you crazy in london wouldn't it darling it does yeah so julie comes over first to this place um and you know they're like hanging out uh my favorite is when caroline fleming showed up Because she shows up, she sits down in a chair, and she crosses her legs, she leans back, she opens her arms, and she goes, Hmm. One of my favorite things in the whole wide world is the sun. The warmth of the sun. The energy that comes from the sun.

Oh. Hopefully it can heal that speck of granola that comes from the sun. Hopefully it can heal that speck of granola that got onto my spine when I tried to enjoy the down. Is there a crumb on this chair? My

extended body feels it. Is that a crumb cake? I might have to leave this potter. My physical body feels a crumb cake? I might have to leave this potter. My physical body feels a crumb. Can detect a crumb cake. So finally, well, Caroline and Adela are driving over. Now, apparently Sophie has called Caroline and been like, Jules is coming after you. I don't know what i've started so caroline is so defensive she's like i will bring her down well do we i don't

i think we forgot to mention that sophie told jules at the end of their conversation well you know what i think you should do you should go after caroline have it out with her yes and then called her it's like oh she's coming off to you so sophie started all this shit and caroline is just ready to cut a bitch you know yeah she's uh she's basically just going off to adela about how she's gonna slit jules's throat and use her blood to paint her new home in dubai or whatever right they're basically just hot british bitches right if you mean and over at the party um what's her buns julie is like oh you know what i thought about what we were talking about and it's caroline stanbury she has nothing nice to say about anyone so i just i'm not gonna care today i'm just gonna

have fun at the party i don't want to ruin your divorce party and so it's like but i already told caroline that she's gonna fight with you today i already have i have money on this you have to fight you have to yeah she freaks out she's like darn it caroline's waiting for it now which we all know i mean she's known caroline long enough to know what that means you know yeah so then caroline's like i'm not scared of jewels it's amazing that you can have a lobotomy in a year and change your complete personality i've done nothing but help loose lips she's like sofa told me julie is coming for me what is she going to do down with dog meat onto the floor she goes she used that mouth to bite me, and now watch me bite you.

Oh, God. Valentina's there with, like, a broom. It's like, I'll pick up the pieces, ma'am. Cut to Jules, who's still, like, terrified. She's like, I mean, look. Look, Sophie, there's a saying in America, and it says, don't get mad. Let it go. Rise above it.

At the end of the day, your success is more important than that of an enemy. Like, that is not a saying. What meme are you reading? How many fortune cookies did you paste together to get that one? This is why everybody calls you a stupid American. They're like, there's Americans in the long sayings.

You know what they say, an apple a day in the bush is worth two and the stitches is worth one in time. What? I mean, apples, grapes are just as good. Why aren't those as healthy? Are those higher in sugar? Oh, God.

A jump ball a day. A jump ball a day. Why doesn't anyone see this? A jump ball a day. So then there's a little bit of a cold war going on between them. They're sort of sitting on different ends of this little paddock or whatever. And the entire time, this entire episode, I'm like, why have we not seen Juliet? Juliet is supposed to be our person always stirring up the shit.

How have we gotten 45 minutes and no Juliet? Is she just not going to be on the show this episode? And then all of a sudden, in walks Juliet with a huge bottle of wine. She's like, Yeah, she's like, Hey, got some wine, otherwise known as medicine.

Like, uh-oh, now things are really going to get crazy. Sophie's like, Juliet was a pain in the ass last year. She caused so much drama and then it cuts to them all wearing those animal onesies on new year's and she's like why would you start this fight with me on new year's why are you not nice but now they've decided to be friends so they like give kisses or whatever and it's good to have juliet on your side because she

will always fight to the death for you even if she doesn't know what the fight's about. Exactly. As evidenced very shortly. So now at this point, Caroline is getting more angry that she hasn't been able to fight than about the fight itself. She's now like fuming like, well, I mean, is she going to fight or not? She's like, I thought we were going to fight. But if she doesn't want to fight, I mean, why would you call me and say you're going to fight? There's no fighting going to happen. not? I thought we were going to fight, but if she doesn't want to fight, why would you call me and say you're going to fight if there's no fighting going to happen?

She's like furious about it. Yeah, she's like, she's gunning for me. And another girl goes, she doesn't look like she's gunning for you. She's sitting over there laughing. She's like, I'm going to shoot you. Don't worry. That's how she does it.

You know, she's just loosening up those lips. Hashtag foghorn. And then Caroline is ready to yell at somebody and has nobody to yell at yet. So she starts being mean to Sophie. She's like, oh, look at Sophie, Miss Flip-Flop. You know, last night you called me desperate and distraught and you throw bombs and then you walk away. And she's like, well, I just thought it would be a nice party.

And Caroline Fleming is like, this is so complicated. It's like a thousand crumbs. You ever think about how it takes a thousand crumbs to make one slice of bread? It's complicated on that level. How can bagels be so delicious, but crumbs be so disturbing? You know what I hate about a bagel? They're not only crumbs, but seeds. It's a cabundrum.

Normally, I love a seed because all life comes from a seed. But please do not leave them in my bed. I can feel them on my physical body. Caroline literally says, I want Jules to start it so I can finish it. But she won't start it. So she's getting more and more angry over there so finally she's attacking sophie so finally and they're in front of all the girls and sophie goes jules jules darling we have to clear the air now i'm sorry but we

have to clear it now jules is like oh shit yeah and then so now Julie and Caroline start fighting. And I loved it because Julie's like, she tells Caroline she doesn't like being called dangerous. And Caroline clarifies by saying, oh, maybe dangerous is the wrong word. I was just calling you manipulative. Like, oh, never mind. That's much better. Because stupid Jules was ready to have this whole argument. Dangerous is an insulting and cruel world.

It's a cruel word. And she's like, oh, all right, then fine. Let's go with manipulate. She's like, oh, I don't know how to argue with that one. Well, it has two of the same letters as Mappetons. You should understand it. And then Jules goes, I thought you would be more supportive of my friendship with Sophie and her divorce. And Juliet goes, yeah, you mean like the friendships you throw away, you mean?

Yeah, out of nowhere, here comes Juliet. She's like, sorry, guys. Sorry I missed the whole pilot. But I'm here now, so I'm going to catch up for a long time. You fucking bitch! And Jules is just like, what? And she says, says yeah like last year when my hubs was traveling

I gave you everything and then you shit on it like what where is this coming from I appreciate it but where is it coming from she just wants to get in that fight she's so crazy and then uh Caroline's like I don't trust you and Jules is sitting

there you know obviously trying not to start sobbing because that's what she does. And she goes, I know what they're trying to do. They're trying to break me, make me cry. Well, just to be clear, last year I didn't cry because I thought the Titanic was going to take my children, Caroline. It's because you were nasty and rude. Like the Titanic. They show last year. Caroline going, she's crying like theanic is trying to take her children by the way through all of this this entire argument like every 30 seconds or so the

producers would cut to adela just sitting there glaring like she is gonna pounce at some like she just is staring at them with the angriest bitchiest haughtiest face and you can't even tell who she's gonna yell at but you know it's gonna be somebody yeah so actually she does she does the most evil thing of all which does not be evil at all she sort of just like at one point she just like stands up and she just takes sophie away because at this point car has now returned to Sophie and is like, well, you were all distraught and you're crazy. And why did you call me? And then Julie's getting mad at Sophie because Sophie called Caroline. So that's when Adela just soups in.

It's like, come on, darling. Let's leave here. I'm like, she's about to be taken away and murdered. Yeah, because Sophie's crying now at her own party. She's like, I said I was sorry, darling. I really do feel terrible. She's like, well, you should. You should keep your mouth shut because you call me sobbing about how this woman's

dropped a bomb on your face and now I'm blah, blah, blah. And Adele is like, darling, they're just, it's her party and now she's crying. She's like, well, I don't care. Maybe she shouldn't have reasons to cry at her own party. She's like, no, that's enough. We must finish this now, darling. I'm finishing. Come on, darling,

let's walk over here. So she walks Caroline away, so she'll stop yelling at everybody, and then everybody just surrounds her again, and they continue yelling. And then, almost as quickly as this all started, all of a sudden it was over, and Julie's like, okay, I'm leaving. And then, like, they all

kiss each other goodbye. It's like yeah like bye poor jules is walking out alone all sad i felt bad for jules i felt bad for caroline because she was saying that she's well mission failed i thought i was going to make her cry yeah she goes i wanted her to feel bad and she didn't. Mission failed. Yes, she does feel bad. She's walking out all alone. You know she's crying. She's like, don't get a camera in front of my face.

I'm strong. I'm not a weak American. I'm a weak Londoner. But I don't think we have ever seen anyone on Bravo who is just so honest about their intentions as Caroline. i mean she literally said i wanted to make her cry and because i didn't mission failed i failed i failed as a human being because i didn't make her feel shitty about herself and cry so funny and then she's just sitting there with her evil face smiling like Like hmm. Oh my goodness. What an amazing show. Yeah Caroline is one of those.

That is just so wrong. And rude and mean. And it's like yay you go. And I love Jules. Jules is so sweet. But I'm like yeah beat her up. It just seems like. For Caroline to feed with someone.

It just seems like not fair. To go up against Julie. Because Julie is like a whatever. Caroline needs a worthy competitor. Well, I guess she'll get Sophie. Well, enter Sophie and Adela and Caroline Fleming. Because Caroline Fleming, this is her second season, so it's her time. Well, Caroline Fleming, she's probably second season, so it's her time. Well, I mean, Caroline Fleming,

you know, she's probably the bitchiest of them all. She is the coldest of them all, which is the best part. Because she likes to pretend like she's the nicest. Yes. So that brings us to the end of Ladies of Lunds. Fun episode. Well, speaking of resting bitch faces, I think it's time that we move on to Below Deck,

the penultimate episode of the season, excluding reunions. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. So the episode opens up with Kate chatting with Ro on the phone. And we are starting to see trouble in paradise because Kate is like complaining about how her crew has been basically giving up on this like final charter. And I guess Ro was not giving her was like distracted or something because kate's like you can tell i'm upset right maybe you should like understand that something's up and be supportive yeah i like how she says everything in that same tone like

you can tell i'm upset right maybe you should understand something's up and be supportive like maybe be a good girlfriend like maybe be someone that's like not a total fuck up maybe you just know rose on the other end like yeah let her do it right now yeah take it off take off your shirt i'm not gonna show you my boobies right now okay even though kate was very close to showing all of us her side boob um so then meanwhile bemily they returned to the boat from their, their overnight hotel enchantments. Were they biggest question for me?

Yes. Ben had a boner, right? I was not looking. I think Ben had a boner and I was laughing very hard because the camera was like boner. Look at the boner. I feel like,

Hey, here comes Emily, Ben and a boner. The scary thing about Ben is I feel like his boner would just look like his face. Like, I feel like you'd pull down his pants, and it's just like his face down there also. And it's not to say that his face looks like a penis, I just feel like his penis looks like his face. It's like, it hurts rubbing up against these jeans, darling. My favorite... Oh, go ahead. Oh, no, sorry. Yeah, they just come back on. I don't remember. I think they just come back on i don't remember i think they just

come back on everyone's like oh yeah the guys are like yeah bro like fist bumping so gross yeah no i think my favorite moment of the entire episode was that the you know they you know when they do their like their montage thing that looks like 24 where they've got different panes and stuff going on it just, you know, it went on and then, you know, normally you just sort of look at it, it's gone within two seconds and then all of a sudden it's like, wait a second, I need to go back.

And I looked and in the upper left-hand corner, I don't know if you caught this, but there's this shot of Captain Lee with a fly swatter and he's holding it up and he's like staring intently and then he's like and he like jumps back at his own fly swatter and he's holding it up and he's like staring intently and he's like and he like jumps back at his own like fly swatter and then it like goes the whole time I think it goes away I was like this is amazing

and then I recorded it I put it onto my Instagram but you could just tell Captain Lee was like get this god damn fly out of this god damn yacht this yacht is not your personal party pals you stupid fly you god damn fly alright fly that's it. You're going to be in quarters for the next week.

Let me tell you something, fly. I'm taking you down to one stripe, okay? I'd rather use that fly's dick to drag that through glass for 10 miles before swatting another fly, fly. I'm a little sick of having to tell this fly how to do his job. It's getting old. They showed one shot of somebody wearing these gloves with lights on the end of the fingertips.

Did you see that? What was that? I did not see that. It's so bizarre. I can imagine Sierra just staring at that. It was one of the guys. I thought maybe it was some kind of virtual reality thing, which I guess you would need on that boat.

I just, I mean, this show, they capture all sorts of funny idiosyncratic behavior. Like, at one point, they were talking about Sierra, and while they were talking about her, they just, like, cut to footage of her, like, putting something into the garbage with her foot. Just, like, it's so bizarre, and yet it seems to sum up everything.

I mean, they catch everything. They really do. So Kyle and Nico are talking about what an asshole Sierra is. And Kyle's like, I'm a big guy on the truth. What I really like is to tell the truth to women. But when there's a beautiful woman, I cut myself. I come after them guns blazing. I'm like, you know that sounds like a confession to a crime, right?

Yeah, exactly. It's also kind of like, get over it. It's like, I'm over beautiful women. Yeah. He's like, I know that sounds like a confession to a crime, right? Yeah, exactly. It's also kind of like, get over it. Like, it's like, I love the beautiful women. Yeah. But he's like, I love a beautiful woman. I'm like, and Ashley. And which is not a comment to the fact that Ashley is transgender. It's a comment to the fact that Ashley, I mean, she has a look.

And then he's like, I love a beautiful woman. And it cuts to Ashley going, you're an asshole. So Sierra, while they're talking, Nico's like, Sierra's just like a different breed. And then it cuts to Sierra. She's alone in the kitchen, putting stuff in the cabinets away with her feet, and then walking away and pulling her shorts out of her ass. Yeah. Sierra is an odd bird.

I love that she can be so dopey and then be such a mean girl. It's great. Although she's not, it's not always, she's not, they pander out to be a total bitch, but it's the guys are also being, we'll get there. So it's time for the meeting for you know the the seniors um uh because it's the last charter and a woman named don gallagher with a bunch of models are coming on to a photo shoot um which is on a lifestyle blog called uh the good time gals how do these people get on to below deck i mean how

does good time Gals... I mean, I don't know. Do they have like a type pad blog? I don't know what it is. Why can't we get on to this yacht? I want to be invited on next season. They've got a Friendster page. Yeah.

I think that basically... Look, they had Liza on. So I think they're basically just like, please, someone, come on. Just make a tip. But we can't pay for the tips. We can't pay for the tips we can't pay for this we're not going to have to pay for yeah oh hell no what we'll do a go fund me anyway i'd

just be laying there the whole time let's do a twenty thousand dollar go fund me where we will crowdsource the tip and then we'll be like hey bravo we have the tips so can we come on and then we'll tip them five thousand dollars we only earned ten thousand dollars we only earned five thousand sorry um so uh but we learned by the way that kelly when he was 26 he dated a 42 42 year old woman yes he's like i have experience with older women they love me i'm like uh yeah we love everybody i mean no offense but i was like kelly you realize you're hot right like everyone loves you and also when you get older i mean you could be really ugly when you're young and you know older people are like well their spinal fluid is young so get him and get some in their sleep yeah

so then there's a deck crew meeting with Captain Lee who basically sits there and is like, listen, I want to raise the bar, alright? I want to raise that goddamn bar. And it doesn't mean get a ladder so you can drink from it. Alright? Not your goddamn personal Skylanes bowling alley

birthday party extravaganza. Alright? These are a bunch of women who just want to have some fun piece of cake all right the captain goes i mean kate goes i'm sad it's the last charter and he goes seriously did you just say that and then he walks off she goes okay well he's not in a great mood something I can recognize which Ro should be able to recognize with me I hope I'm teaching by doing

by the way this was a great Kate episode this was Kate at her bitchy ass and we've been saying all season long how lucky this entire yacht has been that Kate's been in a good mood and they pushed her they pushed her and they felt the wrath this episode and it was fantastic no one should be mad at Kate.

They should be mad at Ro. Ro is the one who put her in the bad mood. Go to the source. So the captain is telling the deckhands, like, listen, you got to give them options. Give them options of toys. But you know what? Steer them away from the critter pool. Take a page out of Kate's playbook.

And then Nico's like, oh. Yeah, I'll take a page out of Kate's book. It says, I'm a bitch. I hate reading. I don't want to read Kate's book. Kate has a book with a bitch. Figured she was literary. So then Kate,

since her stews have been sort of like, you know, slacking off lately, haven't been as good. She has a little stew meeting. I'm just like, okay, I need you guys to do this. I need you guys to clean this and take out the trash and the toilet paper and yada, yada, yada. And then Sierra, this is, I mean, this is like what I think the millennial reputation comes in here. Sierra's like, I don't get it.

We've been good all season. So where's this coming from? I'm like, she's your boss. You've been doing something wrong. She's telling you that's where it's coming from because you're being an idiot well was this the part where she went around to check all the toilet paper who was that no that was later that was later so emily was annoyed too because emily was also she was like i don't understand i don't understand why kit keeps telling me to stay on my radio it's like because you're supposed to be on your radio like how hard is it to keep it clipped into your thing?

That's why it has a clip on it. Yeah. You're literally making out in the closet right now. She's calling you on the radio. She's like, Emily, Kate to rabbit, Kate to rabbit,

rabbit dead. No, nobody killed rabbit. Like no one had that. Rabbit murdered. No one had their, basically Lauren, Sierra and Emily just refused to keep their

radios on this entire episode and everyone was going nuts everyone um kate yeah kate the radio drama starts yes i love i love when kate you know she's on break because she's always got her ipad in her hand and she's trying to connect to facebook yeah she's like trying to connect to Facebook. Yeah, she's like trying to connect to Facebook in some way. It's like, Sierra, Emily, Kate to Sierra, Emily, Emily, Sierra, Sierra, Emily. She's like, I've had an email pending for three weeks now. She's just like holding it up everywhere. She's like, listen, girls, radios are like our egg babies from school. Okay, I need you to name them like little babies what's your baby gonna be named okay now get bridget and don't just leave her in the parking lot okay daddy um

so i love them that kelly who wants to take a page out of kate's book is like so um captain lee said i should talk to you about how to persuade people to do things and manipulate. And Kate's like, oh, great, yes. And she's like, so what would you say to the guests to make them not want to use the Critter free pool? And she's like, well, just tell them it's really just for babies and the elderly. I was like, I just cracked me up it was so funny how he said it too because he's they're like hey you know but when the ladies come on they're like yeah we're ladies we're ladies on a boat and they're like oh geez here come the screaming

elderly yeah so they come up to the boat and kelly's like you know i love older ladies and i don't mind if they woo i mean older ladies don't like feeling older uh well that's a great way to make them feel younger yeah so they're all wooing and kate's like these guests are so happy it's kind of annoying the boys are like okay guys well um what tours do you want out and one of the ladies like the samantha of the group is like toys i'm like please keep your splurt inside the ring okay and these guys have to pretend to laugh at that joke every single charter i mean we've seen it like 12 times already this season yeah so she's getting all sexual and they're like oh and kelly goes well there's a slide some c-bob some wake boards and there's a pool but it's for children and elders you know just

to keep them contained i like that he said elders yeah he was so nervous about like like the way he said it actually seemed to suggest that because they are elders, they should use it. Yeah. He's like, so you want that, right? We've also got bibs at lunch. So, see, there's, like, an awkward pause. And she goes, you know what? Anything you put out, we'll play with.

And then not even making a joke. And then Nico goes, oh, you are so bad. It's like they didn't even make a sexual joke. I know. I agree. I was like, even still, it's not professional for him to do that either. He should just, like, nod it. Why is he laughing?

Quick update. Ciara still can't find her walkie-talkie. She lost it somewhere. And then Ben and Kate are now, like, talking in the kitchen. And he's like, oh, love, I'm going to try try really hard to get through this charter without having an argument with you. And she's like, okay, well, I'll leave that up to you, as usual. I mean, she just knows how to insert a knife, like, anytime. Anytime you want it, she'll just stab you.

My new thing is avoid so I don't get annoyed I don't even order dominoes because I still don't like the annoyed then we hear dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Kate finds a radio yeah she finds a radio

so ridiculous Kate unleashesan upon the crew she's like i would appreciate it if you would dry the dishes with the towel but that's what i love about the show because when you get to this part of the season stupid shit like kate finding sarah's walkie talkie you're like oh like because you understand the stakes that are involved at this point. Cause it's like workplace. It's like true workplace drama, you know?

So, so Kate finds the walkie talkie and she's like, okay, well to make sure that you never leave this anywhere ever again, I'm just going to tie this to you. And Sierra is not having it. She is so annoyed. And she's like,

and Sierra, of course, Sierra has the word tattoo. She was like, if I did something wrong, of course, Sierra has the worst attitude. She's like, if I did something wrong, it's because I didn't know. Not because I don't care. Shut up, Sierra. You did know. Well, Kate cares that you don't know.

So how about that? Not knowing is not a good enough excuse when you're on your last charter. Okay? Yeah, it's not. So Kate is tying, she ties it to her and sierra's like no so she takes it off and kate's like um no no it's punishment you have to wear it and so she starts following her and sierra goes i know what you're doing but don't take it too far she goes um i'm not taking it too far okay this is not this is not a bad punishment darling and so kate like finds some

flashing colored light and puts it on and then ties it to sierra and she tells us they say brains and beauty are a hard combo to find and sierra is just really pretty so so pretty i love also that kate tied that like flashing thing out she's like here you know sierra likes shiny things she'll never lose this now oh wait it's reprogramming her okay my bad i can admit when i'm wrong but meanwhile i'm now at this point kate has now entered bitch zone and she's not leaving at any time soon so like she's serving the women on the for lunch or whatever and she's like every time i walk onto the aft deck i feel like i'm walking into a lifetime movie and she's like that lady

was annoying she's like oh wow we're gonna have lunch well i would like to say ladies ding ding ding i am proud of us we are women entrepreneurs and i am proud of that most women would want to just rip each other apart and what are we doing we're rewarding ourselves eating on a boat together being entrepreneurs and we're women i was like oh my god and kate was just trying not to bust up laughing kate is like okay well i'll be one of those women who tears apart other women she's like i know what being an independent woman is and it's not sitting around a yacht eating lunch talking about independence i wish she starts she's trying not to laugh because this speech goes on literally three scenes every time they come back out she's like and a rock some men would just stand on a rock a woman would swim around it and find a way

to profit off of it am i right lady and they're like kate's like uh live laugh love if anyone finds sierra's walkie talkie would you please report it to me thank you um meanwhile captain lee is now sorry now captain lee is happy with nico and kelly um which by the way nico and kelly sounds like a pop music group like a duo like they have their great one-hit wonder song by nico and kelly it goes hot um so um so then just in case you thought the walkie-talkie drama was over barry of barry and larry walks up to the deck crew and it's like um did anyone leave any walkie talkies on the side it's like oh my god these walkie talkies like like i can't believe that we it's like every two minutes we're doing more walkie talkie drama meanwhile upstairs one of the ladies is like my family when i was growing up we would go to the

dominican republic and those people lay on. So it's super important to give back. And everyone's like, yes, girl! Women! Women! We're on a yacht. So Kate gets pissed and she's like, well, guess what we're not getting any more of today?

Breaks. Because apparently you're not working hard enough so you you don't get a break and they're like uh yeah they're all like i do not approve but i am wearing a five-year-old's little girl bow in my hair so i will just listen to mommy so uh regarding the walkie-talkie that um that barry palin it was la Lauren's radio, which is important because we then go to... Because basically, the deckhands,

they take Lauren's radio and they decide they're going to prank her. Okay? So while that's happening, the crew is gathering around for dinner down in the crew mess. And Sierra is just like... There's this weird side of Sierra

that's come out at dinner where she's just like eating like a cow. And I say that not like because of like a weight thing. It's like she's like chewing her cud, like she's eating with her mouth open. She's like, I feel like I have more energy if I don't eat, which is crazy. And so Kyle, you know, Kyle hates Sierra. He I mean, and he has to get over it. He really does. I mean, like whatever.

It was like one stupid date and he already has a girl on the side and she wasn't into him like get over it but that being said he can't and he's all of a sudden like i take table manners very seriously and wrong from table manners to vet important like you are a street juggler i'm like what are you talking about when i lived in the box like half eaten snickers bars out of the trash can when i when i lived in the box in trafficker square i always wore a napkin and had my fork in my left and my knife in my right um so he and they did a close-up of food hanging off of sierra's mouth she like suddenly became like this massive slob and all of a sudden out of nowhere and and and kyle is

like brewing he hates her he hates everything she's saying he hates that she has this little piece of food on the side of her mouth that she's eating with her mouth open and she gets up and and she can't once again she can't find her stupid radio and while she's looking for a radio that's when kelly and nico come in and are starting to like make fun of lauren they're like hey lauren we looks like we found the radio and i think if i remember correctly sierra sort of thinks they're making fun of her whatever she gets huffy and she's like i can't find my radio and she picks up kyle's radio and she's like it's not mine and puts it back down and kyle goes off and he's, hey, why'd you pick up my radio like that?

Something like that. And she's like, it's my radio. And she's like, I know, child. And then he's like, what? My name's Kyle. And she goes, I know. I said child. And he's like, you're a fucking idiot.

I thought, by the way, she said Kyle at first. She totally could have been like, I said Kyle. He's like, you fucking idiot. And she's like, wow, you're mean to a girl. You're so cool. So then they start to fight. So then she stomps off

and that's when Kelly's like, bro, come on. You just have to apologize. We have to work together. We have to live together. So Kyle says, he's like he's not gonna apologize whatsoever absolutely not kelly's like oh fine and then sierra comes down the hallway and kelly's like listen i just i just want to say like we were making fun of lauren it

wasn't we weren't making fun of you and we're just trying to clarify and then she's like can you stop talking over me and then it just becomes crazy yeah she's like but i didn't really give a shit what kyle says and he's like yeah but um we're in a confined place so i need you to give a shit it's so weird like the things he chooses to go after somewhere kate is like upstairs and like she's she's like i have a warm tingling sensation. People must be fighting. Oh, no wonder I'm so happy. Yeah. She's like, did someone turn on

the heat? I feel amazing. I don't have to wear my light sweater anymore. So Sierra goes at it with Kelly. She's like, I don't care and I'm not talking to you anymore and stop inserting your nose into things. He was trying to actually make you feel better, believe it or not.

But that's fine. And Kyle was cracking up watching them. And when they're done, she storms off. And Kelly goes, never mind. You don't have to apologize to her. And he's like, I told you, bro. You can't all give a needy up. And then Kelly took off his shirt and started saying something,

but I was just like looking at his body at that point. So I don't know what he said. He literally just like stripped down. Cut to the ladies and they're like, food, am I right? Ladies, food, food, food. And then Sierra goes upstairs to, like she's in the galley and she starts bending to Kate about what happened. And she's like, you know, I know in like another day day he'll come back to me and be like i'm really sorry but

i'll already be over it and then kelly like does like a sneak attack and he's like actually i'm not gonna say sorry this time i'm like oh damn it's like what and kate uh kate's like okay this was this is awesome but i don't have time for another Sierra freakout. I just have time for the job that we're supposed to be doing. So Sierra keeps bitching to Ben, blah, blah, blah. So the ladies, guess what the ladies are doing? They're like, woohoo! Yeah, ladies! It's like, Jesus Christ!

It literally, that's what they were doing The next scene Can we meet the chef So Then I think it's like the next morning right Right do we go the next morning More or less well we have like a little moment Where the decks were all Hanging out in bed and

Kyle's like see here's the crazy Bitch in the first and Nico Nico's like yeah see, here's a crazy bitch in the first. And Nico's like, yeah, but Kate's a bitch. Okay. How about you complain about your bitch in your turn? And let's let Kyle vent. How about you clean those windows?

How about this? Why don't you set up some fly traps so Captain Lee doesn't do all the work around here? Okay? So then we get a conversation with Ben and Kate. And he's like, like okay i'm feeling lovely lately i don't have much anxiety anymore she goes when did that happen today actually it's because you've been much nicer to me this charter she's actually my technique was avoiding you and he goes you know what i really want to kill you she's like i literally want you to die

he's like it's amazing they're basically like it's amazing how much i can hate you she's like yeah i sometimes i look at you and i just i hate you so much and they're like smiling and laughing at each other while they're saying this it's like kind of amazing she's easy to work with like attila the Hun. Was Attila the Hun a bad worker? I don't know. I've waited tables for a long time, and no one's ever been like, Whoa, that waiter's like Attila the Hun, am I right? Never heard that in related to service.

So then it's the next morning, and it's before breakfast, and the women are up early, and there's this one woman who is like she does not stop talking and she and a friend went into like the captain's wherever it's crone not whatever it's obviously cronus but not that but the wherever the captain's not the is it the quarters we found the adderall prescription yeah she's like let's see the captain's room and he's like yeah sure she's like oh my god water look look over there there's a star oh my god there's a fish it's the ocean this is crazy what do you do like if i was up here i'd be up here looking out the window that's what i'm doing yeah i would do that too this is crazy oh my god does that wheel turn the boat tell me about the wheel does it turn it does it turn it

he's like uh miko get up here he's like miko get up here and take this hag off my hands, because that's one moment delegating really works out for me. He has never pined for the psychic who said his mom had died so badly. He's like, ah. Makes me really appreciate her. At least she was quiet most of the time, talking to the ghosts.

At least she had Frank Sinatra to keep her busy. Sending her text messages and emails. Technology in heaven. So the guests are having breakfast, and Kyle comes to the kitchen, because the women are going to go to the bath. So they're about to have a little expedition, and Kyle has this cooler, and he's like, sir, can you fill up the cooler right now, please?

And she's like, ugh. She's like, you know, it's, she gets all annoyed, partially because Kyle asked her to do it,

but also she's like, you know, I've been up since 6 a.m., which is fine, but it's just like, it's a lot, and now they want me to do the cooler?

And, because she's telling this to Kate, and Kate is just more than happy to, you know, say no. Not to Sierra,

but to the deckers, so she's crew so she's like she's like no no i get it i get it um kelly this is kate can you tell the deck crew that we're doing breakfast and it's too soon to fill the cooler during breakfast thank you and they're like oh my god we're the big kelly's like kate's on the warpath i was like how is that a war path i love that they make her they make her sound like a serial killer she's like um we'll fill up your ice later they're like oh here she comes hi and then so so then after after cooler gate passes the women go off to the women go off to the baths and now they have like three hours three hours to, like, relax and, like, take care of some stuff.

And Kate is seeing that there's, like, shit everywhere. There's, like, toilet paper that is empty. There are towels that are out of order, trash cans that are full. And, you know, things are bad. And she, I think she tells Emily, somewhere around here, I may have the time on Sully up, but she tells Emily, like, she's like, well, you know, just because like, we're in the last thing, doesn't, last

charter doesn't mean we have to slack off or anything. And then Ben makes some sarcastic remark, be like, yes, that was the plan. We were gonna give them terrible summers. And Kate just goes up on Ben. She goes, Emily, could you go downstairs, please? And Emily's like just goes, Ben. She goes,

Emily, could you go downstairs, please? And Emily's like, yes, Mom. So she leaves, and then she's like, Ben! I like that she sends the kid out of the room. And then she's like, thanks a lot, Ben, because I was basically being the coach, and I was trying to coach the team, and you were like the person going, no team, you don't have to work hard and win football.

And he's like, I want it. he say he's like oh well i'm a bad coach he goes no i was being the coach he's like yeah fuck you i hope you're okay i'm like i hope you choke on your own tongue so in lieu of the fact that everything is a mess and disaster kate basically gives emily and ciara these marching orders. She brings up all these little toilet rolls and stuff. And she basically tells them, go clean, essentially. And they're so mad at her. This is how she does it.

She walks in and they're like giggling in the kitchen. And she's like, girls, there are three out of four toilet paper, whatever. There needs to be toilet paper. That would be great. Could you clean? Great. And they're like, what a bitch. And I like the kids like, this is resting bitch face code red.

Don't make me be the bad guy because I can be a bad, bad guy. Yeah. It's from resting bitch face to active bitch face. a bad bad guy yeah it's gonna go from resting bitch face to active bitch face regular serial killer over there making people change out toilet paper rolls yeah so that was that was the cliffhanger will the stews rebel will the empowered women ever get to wipe their ass next time on the low tech. Alright, so why don't we wrap up with a little Marriage to Medicine. There really actually is

not a huge amount to... Yeah, Marriage to Medicine is little this week, so we're just going to basically check and make sure that we watched it, because we said we would. I mean... Did you watch it? I did too. Job well done. See you next week. I mean, it was basically Dr. Simone and Dr. Jackie and quad going off to Nashville to look for Dr. Simone's dad, which I actually I found those scenes to be really interesting.

I really liked quad during those scenes. I felt like we got like I felt we got to see like more of like real quad. There was like real emotion. And like I always say with this show, or any of these shows, when there's real shit going on, these shows can be really interesting. Those scenes were fascinating to me. There was really heavy

emotions. Real emotions. It was so sad this week, especially knowing what really did happen to her dad. Sorry again, everybody. But especially knowing that, it was so sad, because they're basically searching Nashville for her dad, and they're putting up flyers and quad's like have you seen this man you know she's so dramatic and then finally by the end someone's like oh yeah that's frank baxter he sells junk to the junk man and quad's like we got a clue a clue frank been hustling junk and they're like okay let's go look for frank and she's like

why is no one thrilled we got a clue this is a break in our case they're not thrilled because you weren't wearing your private detective trench coat like you did last year when you did detective work on lisa nicole that's all you have to wear your trench quad funny um there was a lot of crying in this episode because Jackie and Quad have both lost their fathers and so there was a lot of sobbing. But it was like real. It wasn't like that bullshit sobbing

that you see on these shows sometimes. This was like a real situation. Because then the thing was, luckily, I mean, these scenes were the majority of the show, but every now and then we would cut to some real bullshit like Lisa Nicole and her husband going to see the pastors to get some advice and she's like you know he's like you're my best friend i don't i tell that all the time she's like no you never do you know it was just stupid you know yeah um i did and then heavenly she's like

see mom and daddy i'm gonna be a better woman and she's she's like, see, Mom and Daddy, I'm going to be a better woman. And she's talking about how she doesn't want to curse as much and she wants to use her tongue for good. So she's going to call up Janice and she's like, I'm going to apologize to that bitch. I mean, Twitch. I mean, lady. And then they cut to the lunch with her and Janice. They didn't even do a whole thing. They made it look like a flashback.

Janice shows up to lunch, which you know it's like Olive Garden or something. And Janice is wearing this formal gown with a gigantic pink bow tied behind her neck. And she's like, well, as long as your apology is sincere. And Heavenly's like, mmmmm.

Like, that was the whole scene. I felt bad. It was just Heavenly trying to find somebody to talk to. It was so sad scene i felt bad it was just heavenly like trying to find somebody to talk to is so sad i felt bad for janice because the whole episode for like basically the b story of the episode was heavenly going to apologize to janice and they didn't they literally it was beyond even an afterthought it was even it was like you know on barefoot contessa when ianagarden was like oh i made a power set here let me show you how I did it. And in 30 seconds, she goes through all the steps and you're like, wait, what, huh? That's what Janine's got. With her stupid Tinkerbell

bow behind her. My favorite is when they just show Heavenly doing little things waiting for her husband to come home. Because she's got like a million scenes like that. And this one she's cleaning the counters and she's like Peace County's a turtle! Rocky County's dirty dirty around Peace County dirty

Oh hello daddy You hungry? You tired daddy? Sound like Skeeter and Skeeter And he just comes in and he's like Like his whole personality sounds like Like exhausted and she's like Dr. Jules said to stop cussing daddy so that's our first scene. she's like dr jules said to stop cursing battle so that's okay

he's like okay can i have sex with you she's like no and then over over in toyland basically her son has been acting out in school and like showing no remorse and so he's like oh what you should have did is not punch the little girl and he sounds like haha i punched her though he's like oh but you should but you should have did is not punch the little girl. And the son's like, ha ha, I punched her though. He's like, but what you should have done is be nice, otherwise you're going to be taken away in an ambulance. He's like, I don't care. So then Toya waits for Eugene to come, and Eugene's like,

well, I think we should take away his iPad for a week. She's like, what? That's too much. He's like, four days. No. Three days. No. Ten minutes. No. Thirty seconds. Okay. Well, because that only hurts the parent. I mean, Toria was right when she said, that hurts us.

Because that's true. Like, the iPad is the best babysitter ever. It transfixes those little brats. Yeah, but you know what? There was life before iPads. Okay, parents found other ways to talk to each other. It was terrible. I remember it. I mean, I used to have to draw porn on the sand.

It was terrible. What about turning on I mean, I used to have to draw porn on the sand. It was terrible. What about turning on the TV? Give him a TV. Draw porn on the sand. Yeah, that was pretty much the show. I really liked this show. It was just such a sad episode. My God. And I hope that these ladies don't actually find the man.

I know. I was scared that was going to happen. I mean, I wonder if it will be resolved on the show. I wonder if – I feel like it will be, but maybe not. I mean, they did have that private investigator who was like, all right, here's what I'm going to do. I got two databases. And after that, I got no plan. I got two databases.

And after that, I got no plan. Yeah, you guys basically hired the lady who's going to press go on the $9.99 internet search. She's like, well, I'll see if he has an electrical bill or if he's got some sort of what we call a gas bill someplace. If he has rented out a library book at some point that could show up that might be an extra five dollars a month are you willing to pay that i'm gonna do what i like to call a google search it's a industry term for looking across the entire world all at once man if if i come up empty i won't be happy with that so i will resort resort to the big guns. It's called the Bing search on Chrome. I will be using Bing on Chrome. Okay.

Anybody have a problem with that? Yahoo. As in, I'll go to Yahoo next. They were a search engine at one point. So I feel pretty good about my chances there. Also, not as useful, but I'm just as thankful for Yoo-Hoo, the drink. That's how I bring that up. I also, just thinking outside the box, maybe we'll go get an Orangina.

Maybe. That might help. It's like the Ju-Cast member. She's just now listing things she's finding in Google. All right, I think I got a hit google alright I think I got a hit here I think I got a hit here I went to google there seems to be some animation and I think it seems to be indicating that it was someone's birthday

from like 1835 oh you know what it's the google doodle I have found a frankenstein post pin in the Amazon Prime. Are you online shopping right now? Now,

I just want to suggest one thing. You can get an Instapot for $79.99. Normal retails for $129.99. Maybe this is something that you would like right now. No, I don't have a bot. So dumb. Alright, well that brings us to the end we will see you guys next week see you next week have fun in palm springs ronnie oh gonna be so fun love you guys love y'all bye everyone bye bye bye

hey prime members you can listen to watch or Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.