Watch What Crappens - #369 Summer House: Summer House, and the Living Is Queasy

Episode Date: January 13, 2017

Time to enjoy a wet, THOT American summer. Yes, "Summer House" has arrived, and it's just as vapid and hilarious as you'd imagine. Come join us as we dissect the series premiere. After all, it may be the dead of winter, but these douches are making it feel like a Summer's Eve... Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. to talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends and to follow us on social media go to watch a crapens.com to find all our social media links and for our bonus episodes and all of our extras come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone, welcome What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo

that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from BSIBLOG.com. And joining me is Roni Karem from TrashTalkTV.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast and Real House of the Beverly Hills audiobooks. And I shall also mention that I also have the Banta Blender podcast, which is actually truly truly truly truly coming back As soon as perhaps tomorrow

Well, I'll see you back. We shall see a new episode is in the works Great being yeah, who'd have thought who'd have thought it's finally back so Everyone welcome to the podcast. We're a five day week Bravo podcast, the only one out there. And it's Friday and that means we are wrapping up the week by looking back at the series premiere of Summer House. Yeah, just like this cast is Friday, so we're going to the summer house. Yeah, let's go to the summer house known as our recap. All right, and let's talk about it, okay?

Now, since it's the first episode, I mean, we did see this on Vanderpump rules a little bit in the crossover. So if you need to hear that, go listen to the Vanderpump rules from this week. We just died for an hour and a half on that one. Yeah. But I still don't know their names,

especially the twins. Who, what? Hi. Yeah, the twins, I can't tell them apart. I know that one is named Lauren and I'm not sure what their names, especially the twins. Who, what? Are they? Yeah, the twins, I can't tell them apart. I know that one is named Lauren and I'm not sure what the other one's name is. I think maybe Ashley or Ashlyn or Ashur or. I think it's Lauren Ashley, which is so close to Laura Ashley,

which is Flower Dresses from the 80s. Yeah. These girls are kind of those girls from the 80s. They knew that we're like, like, they're twins and they talk really fast and they're like, well, like they're a lot, but they both seem lovely. They seem lovely. It feels like a double vision of Jesse J

in long blonde wigs. I feel like having blonde white twins and naming them Lauren and Ashley is kind of gross, but I can't blame them for that. It's not their fault. I feel like you should be more creative. I don't know. And by the way, on a network that has lots of very white shows,

this is probably their widest show going on right now. This is a super, super, super white show as exemplified by these two twins. Well, they tried their multi-culture or listen, and it just doesn't work for them. They just don't know how to do it. I mean, Bravo still puts on those ads where they'll be like, look, we put all the black shows on one night

and we're gonna call it Hashtag Shady Night. Like, oh, God. Yeah. Oh, girl. Oh. So anyway, like Hashtag You Go Girl, it's Black Sunday. No, Bravo. No. So we open up this series

premiere with the Vanderpump rules kids having left because it kind of bleeds out of the latest episode of Vanderpump rules. And Stasi and her crew have left, which just leads, leads to rest of these people. It's like a maid came over and cleaned out the fat poor people. Yeah They're probably so happy about that Everett is horny. That's what we learned every 20 and then it's next. He knows it's 8 a.m And it's like oh my god. We have to go back to New York City and they So Carl says Carl is the tall, dark handsome one who's the dental sales manager and he's like, unlike those LHX, we have real jobs. I'm like, it's

Monday and you're still in Montauk. And you're an entrepreneur. Oh no, no, he's the dental salesman, right? Yeah. Carl. Yeah, he sells dental stuff. I did like when everybody left in the chewing goes, I was so embarrassed that Kyle told that girl, she looked like Steve Jobs, that's so embarrassing. And Christina goes, in my opinion, it's not bad. At least he didn't say you're a butter face.

I didn't, he though. Didn't he? He just said you're a butter neck. You basically called you a butter brain. Yeah. Um, so yeah, so they had to go back and we get like a little montage of everybody on their cell phones. Like, oh my god, yeah, busy, busy.

I'm so busy too. Me too. I'm so busy. Do you want me to order things ordering? Okay, entrepreneur entrepreneur. B. B. Traffic. New York, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. things ordering? Okay, entrepreneur entrepreneur. B.P. New York, New York, New York. Yeah, yeah.

And then they're like, okay, time to go back to Montauk. I was like, well, that was a, that was a great 10-second interlude in Manhattan, okay? This, everything in New York takes so much fucking effort, even to have fun in the summer. It's like, okay, it's Friday. Let's drive for three hours in traffic to get to our vacation house for a day and a half before we have to Let's drive for three hours in traffic to get to our vacation house for a day and a half before we have to drive in traffic for three hours again. I know. I like when I liked when one of the twins

was talking about her Facebook, basically, and she's like, half my social media feed is Coachella burning man. And then the other half is baby after baby, wedding after wedding. And I'm somewhere in between. I'm like, girl, you need new friends. Cause that is the worst combination of things.

The only thing you're missing are political rants I swear if I have to see a Coachella poster posted on social media one more time I'm just gonna throw my computer at the window. I don't care. Why are you why are you posting a Coachella lineup on Facebook? No one cares except you Yeah, my Facebook feed is like pregnant ladies at Coachella Ranting about Trump. It's like all things mixed together. All rolled up.

We're in a prop show. So now we are back to Montauk. It's like we never left. And the first to arrive are Kyle, the entrepreneur, one of the twins, and Steven who's the resident gay and they're all unpacking groceries. Now we know what kind of show this is going to be because the twins do, they do their testimonial things together.

One goes, yeah, we definitely live for the weekend. And the other goes, woot, woot, yeah, we do. Little, little, a little baby hand pressing woot woot. Like girls, no girls. So like we can't wait to let loose on the weekend and go to sleep at 10 30 p.m. I will be doing the running man from 9 to 9 30 and I'm going to bed. I hope my sister finds out. Good night. At 8 55, I will make a fresh salsa.

There will be a running man to follow. Afterwards, light conversation in the bed until we fall asleep. And then we are going to watch something off of the VCR until I learn to be comfortable with a DVR. And there I said it. I am working my way up to a DVR. I am still a little bit intimidated by the T-Vo noises.

Oh, boom. Oh, my God. Something emerged as he broadcast. That is not Woot. That's a Woot not. So then, I guess the two of us... Oh, I'm sorry, what we're gonna say? No, you say it.

No you. You say it. No you do it. You do it. what were you gonna say? No, you said. No, you. You say it. No, you do it. I was just gonna say it. Oh my god, we're like the twins. I was just gonna say that the twin that's at the house is the Ashley, Ashlyn, Asher, whatever. She's the married twin because the single twin is in a car with car with Carl. Yes.

And I was gonna say the guys on this show are such a douche hammers, okay? They're like typical eight, they're like from 80s movies. You know, like the douche bags in the 80s movies, they've got like gel in their hair and ad hair spray and a blow dryer and they're just like gross. And I mean, I like them, but they're gross. And one of Kyle is explaining the Hamptons to us plebs.

And he's like, the Hamptons is, I don't even remember what he said, but it's something like the Hamptons is where your grandma wears a pearl necklace is, but the East End, yeah, that's where the girls wear your pearl necklace. I mean, it was just something so douchey. I know. Yeah, we got it. I was really hoping he was I mean, it was just something so douchey. I know. Yeah, we got it.

I was really hoping he was going to weigh in on Quagg, but he never did. So Lauren, the other twin is in this car with Carl. And Lauren's like, oh my god, Carl is like a total babe. Please crash. Carl, for a moment, their Carl actually seems like maybe he might be sympathetic or empathetic or maybe are protagonists. He's an outsider. They're all friends. They

do this every single year. And this is his first time going to house with him. And he's like afraid because he won't be in on all the inside jokes. So for a moment, it's like, oh, Carl, that's a lot of Carl. Yeah, no, no, not very long at all. I knew there was something, Dushi about him when he talked, because he does this thing when he talks where he opens his mouth a little too big and then he rolls his tongue forward.

Does that make sense? Like he's anchoring the tip of his tongue on the very bottom of his bottom teeth. Oh, look at that. Well, he has speech impediments. So maybe that's what that's maybe that's like a visually how this speech impediment kind of manifests itself actually. Maybe like he's trying to hold in his bottom retainer.

There's something going on there that makes it look like and I just, I there's something I don't trust about that. No offense to people with retainers. It's not a retainer thing in general. Yeah. Um, but he has an untrustworthy retainer face. Yeah. It's fishy. He's holding onto something on the bottom of his teeth, which makes me think he's hiding something. It's a secret, which makes this all fishy. Yeah. He gets a secret at the bottom of his mouth. Oh, but this girl doesn't

keep any secrets. This twin. This is the least sexy riot I've ever seen. Because her twins back in the at the summer house, she's like, yeah, well, my sister was like, oh my god, I have to drive to the guy alone. Like, I don't even know that guy. But like, I hope she knows him because she needs a guy. You know, I have a guy. She needs a guy too. And so they cut back to the car. And this single twin is like, yeah. So like, you know, I think it's fun to mix it up. Like one day I'll drive with her and now I'm driving with like, you know, I think it's like fun to mix it up. Like one day I'll drive with her and now I'm driving with you, you know, and now you're living under some house which is totally weird because like you're a new person.

And it's like totally different, but like we're totally nice to everybody. But like the last place we lived, like it was like so small. It was like we were pooping on top of poop, which was on top of poop. Like we didn't get our deposit back. Just blah, blah, blah. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click,

click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click,

click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, My parents are in there. Actually, I would love it if they just stole that whole storyline and someone's parents actually lived in that somehow. I'm like, guys. Very important parents in the community. And then someone could call some more of those as science. We're not her parents, parents dentists or something. Not Katie, I free, I free, I free. You free parents?

I don't remember what they did. I just know that. You know you snotty if you name your kids after a stinky cheese. So back at the house, they've set up a margarita machine that looks like it has ectocooler in it. And I wrote that down and then someone was like, it's like a slimer cooler. I was like, God damn it.

I thought that was being funny. You're in your neighborhood, Ben. Where are you in your neighborhood? And then Carl is, Carl's just going on about like he's raised in Pittsburgh and he only got to go to the beach six days a year and there was this dream and now he's at the beach and I was like, I started to feel bad because we live here in Los Angeles

and I never go to the beach. It's right there, I can see it, I can see it. It's gross, I don't like gross. Yeah. But it's funny that his poor person story normally people the outside are like, I was homeless and my mom was a hooker and you know, they have these deep stories. He's like, that was really hard growing up because my mom could only take me to the beach for one week a year. Uh, you're regularly miss a roblay over there, buddy. Yeah, what beach is in Pittsburgh by the way He's like see Delve I'm getting sadder as you talk about it Do I get like a junkyard there? I'd like a close down steel mill steel factory. It's like this is the beach really yeah

So yeah, Lauren's telling her sister when they get just like yeah, I really like Carl I like him a lot and I cut to him brushing his hair and then he just brushes his teeth with the hairbrush. Maybe have doubts. Carl is full of doubts, but he does. I mean, I can't help it. He seems nice. Like, he does. I get that he's horny and everything, but he's not really doing anything mean so far.

He's just really horny. Just horny and douchey. He just digs. I mean, he doesn't shave his chest. I mean, that's something. He's like one of the only people on TV with chest hair. It's kind of weird, but I don't know. I feel like there's something trustworthy there

within the retainer, but then the tongue. I don't know. And the douchey thing he says. So So then to Lindsay and Everett show up next, they're there a couple and they show up and he's like, it smells saga. It smells saga. And they come in and Everett's talking about how they just have the most amazing relationship, which means he's going to go down the dreams this summer. And he's like, yeah, He's like, yeah, we're like a clownfish in a sea enemy. And I can't say it, but she's like, we're like a sea, a clownfish in a sea enemy.

It's a great symbiotic relationship. And they cut to the gate and he goes, it's disgusting quite frankly. Yeah, he's like, I was just talking to, I was just talking to one of them, and he's saying, how's money for a ring? And they're like, ew, gross! And Kyle's like, oh my God, that's my bro.

Like I'm into bromance. And like that's my bromance from last summer. Like, where do my bromance go, bro? I was like, you are probably the best dick sucker when you're drunk. He's just that kind of guy, you know? He'd suck more dick, but he puts too much hairspraying his hair and he doesn't want to mess it up. Like he's that guy.

He's so gay that he doesn't want to mess up his hair, so he's straight. So we don't have to get a mess down. You know what I mean? It's easier. It's easier. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, honestly, what's Drake guys going to talk about Turtle next, right, when you're about to hook up with a girl?

So, so a spin of the gay, Steven, he's mad because he used to be really close with Lanzar, but then once you started dating Avrat, he's been totally he used to be really close with L'Unla, but then once she started dating Avrat, he's been totally cut out of her life, which is great because we see that later with Christina too. So I'm hoping that the Cadi Gay and the Judgemental Girl are going to come together and just have an amazing reign of terror. Is this one he says, I'm going to transcontinental relationship. So I'm single. I'm like, really? So do you get a parade now too? We got gay and lesbian bisexual transgender,

questioning, curious, and guys who like to date agents. Really? I think that's constant. No, you are not coming. That was literally relations, I should have said, guys that like to date literally relations in Asia, currently in Asia. I think it's your own parade. I think it means his dating someone on the other coast, right? I think that means that he's in New York and he's dating someone in California. Oh, I thought he was dating someone on another continent. Transcontinental means across the continent. Well, look, we just know we're taking a transcontinental flight. I thought he was talking about someone who lives in like Africa. Perhaps what happened to Bicostle? They're already in the parade.

Why can't you just call it that? It's funny how LGBTQ is funny how LGBTQ really does apply to a lot of terms in flying by coastal transcontinental. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Beaver, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into

a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. Lesba Peninsula.

A plate. Questioning. Les. Questioning my arrival times. So anyway, speaking of which Christina arrives, the entertainment reporter who is very judgmental, which I love. I'm having a trans-enital breakfast relationship. Oh, I got wisdom up in. It's free but not delicious. I don't know what to do with myself.

Well, it started out as a muffin and then it became a scone. I mean, the coffee is just a breakfast, but you know what? It's every day, so it's a relationship. So yeah, people have gathered and they're like all in the kitchen and Lauren's like, you guys, I got a check on the house last week. And she's like, here, here's a pick. And they're like, it's a tick pick. And everyone's cracking up. You know somewhere Lila Yolanda is last week. And she's like, here, here's a pick. And they're like, it's a tick pick. And everyone's cracking up.

You know somewhere Landa is fainting because she's horrified inside of a tick and she's also horrified that someone might steal her lime thunder. Yes, still her lime storyline. And you know that's how this show's gonna turn out. This is the whitest show ever. And that is the whitest disease ever.

It's the biggest drama is just gonna be like, chronic lime. It's gonna be lime. I'm always tired. And then you're making so much noise at 4.30 in the morning, like some of us are trying to sleep out for our lime disease, okay? We need lemon trees in the summer house, like a six episode arc. So, Kyle tells us how everyone's linked, which I can't even, I can't even explain, because it's so confusing, but essentially everyone met in Montag. We had a summer house four years ago,

and through them I met her, I met Lindsay, and Lindsay was living with Christina, and then Christina was boning Chad, and then Chad was with Paul, and then Paul was with Kingsley, and then Kingsley had a summer house with a car, with Ainsley, and Ainsley used to drive the car until she crashed into Pigsley.

And then Pigsley was driving in, like we had brunch with Bob's Lee. And then Bob's Lee was over at the bookstore with Tom's Lee. And then that's where I met Carl, because he was literally chugging the world's largest bottle of rosé. Which is their thing somehow, those giant bottles of rosé. It's like, it's like their thing. It'sé. Yeah. Um, and you know, we ended up getting the whole story in one quick shot when Dodd falls invited everyone over to play Bia Pong. Basically, that's how you want me. In some bar playing Goddamn Pierpong. Stop trying to make it sound so fancy. Yeah. And Kyle tells some story. He's like, remember that one time when there was a traditional downpour on your house in the cops came? I was like, great, great story.

To make sure the reef didn't cave in on us. I was like, I would play beer pong with the cops. And the cops were like the biggest bottle of rosé you've ever seen. So the twins are like, tonight. So the twins are like, tonight. They got a bet immediately. Well, other people play the beer pong and Kyle's ex-girlfriend

a man that are like that. I feel like the twins go into their bedroom the way Super Mario goes into a castle. You know how like Mario go you walk into a door, you press the up button and the doors like swings open and then swings close and suddenly Mario's gone. That's how they go into the rooms. They stand in front of the door.

The door opens up and then it closes and they're gone. Actually, I think they've kept up with the times because my nieces have the new Mario, the 3D Mario, and you play together like a bunch of people can play at a time. And when they go in a door, when Mario goes in the door, it sucks everybody else into the door and then it closes. So that's actually how they go in.

It's like when goes in and the other is just automatically sucked in into the door closes. I feel like one twin picks up the other twin, and then the first twin has something and they shoot fireballs at everyone else's house for a month off of the other twin and then the first twin has something and they shoot fireballs to everyone else in the house. For a month, top of the other twin. Oh my God. So, uh, 4 a.m. or 357. Hey, well, actually very specific before that, um, everyone starts talking about their summer goals and what they want to do. Someone's like, what are you guys?

What are you going to be your summer goals and then Stephen the Gagos? I think only like first and second graders have summer goals. It's usually something like I want to learn how to breathe here. That's stupid. No No, I refused a goal. I'm not going with you people. Yeah So the married twin is like my goal is to find a guy for my sister because I love my sister and I love my guy And I want my sister to have a guy to So you're my goal Thanks literally I got your goalpost My goal is to find you a goalie because they might not have much money, but they're like really good at blocking

takes So Carl is Carl's goal. He's like, my goal is to wingman Kyle. Broman's bro! Okay, I was like, yeah, my goal is to broman's bro's. Kyle's like, I don't want to get caught up in my bro moments, you know? I don't want like a bro mass into my 40s. I want a bro mass, but also a bro I can share that romance with.

You know what I mean? He's like, I'm realizing, it's time for me to grow up. And I'm custom going, who wants to play bear plong Yeah, pretty much so now it's for wins get sucked into the room and good of ed and the ex-girlfriend Amanda comes over and we don't really see much of her She just comes over at 4 a.m. and basically, yeah, fucks him in every qualifier. Well, they come back at 4 a.m. and then Everett and Everett and Kyle and Amanda and Lindsay are eating food in the kitchen. So the single twin stumps out the door and is like, you guys, you guys, you're also like trying to sleep right now. Okay, like literally

like what we're trying to sleep. And they're like, well, you have the biggest room in the house. So, and then they go back in there and the twins like, oh, so we have the biggest room in the house, so that means we can't sleep. Fucking hit this house, goddamn it. Just like putting on our face mask. I'm like, oh, I love the two nightmare twins.

This is gonna be a fun, a fun summer. Yeah. So, yeah, so then comes the skinny dipping and then Kyle and Amanda have sex. When she's that girl who when she's having sex in the house with a bunch of other people, she's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Everybody gets it. You're getting some. They probably weren't even having sex. You probably just like graze upon her thigh and like while he was passed out, she's like, oh, I'm having sex everyone.

Sex the Kyle. Um, no, this is all important to note this about Amanda because we see in the coming this season and Amanda is like, oh my god, how can he do this to me? Yeah, so I just like to point out in the first episode you came to a do task to fuck him at four in the morning And then like scream orgasm to and kept everybody awake

You're not you're not the kind of girl that the man is like I'm gonna marry this girl You're the guy that gets you're the woman who gets texted it for in the morning because he knows you can To come over and fuck him in every corner of the house have some self respect Amanda Well, she should have self respect because they were dating and he broke up with her because he's like, well, I'm going to Montalk for the summer, aka, I'm going to be on a reality show. So I want to have free reign to bang whoever I want. So she should have more self-respect

because that's like a shitty thing to do. Yes, and as Carl points out, he's like, yeah, there's a lot of politics and hooking up in Montauk. Like, for example, when you're at a summer home, you don't hook up at home because when time I tried that and one of the homes I was in,

and I got stopped at the door because a girl who was really into me got jealous. Oh. Yeah, this is when things started to turn for Carl. I had to go downhill in my business. Yeah. His teeth got browner and browner as the show went on. I was like, oh, it's so nice to see someone without bleach teeth.

And then as the show went on, I'm like, you trash. Now comes one of my favorite arguments of the episode, which is occurs out by the pool. It's sunny out. It was rainy the first day. It's sunny now. Everyone was rainy the first day. It's sunny now. Everyone's sitting out tanning. And Christina, who has now been quiet for an hour and 15 minutes on this, on Bravo,

finally now has something to say. And what she has to say is, where's my sundaunt lotion? Because- Yeah, she's just so stupid. She's mad. Because the happiest couple in the world is already laying out there. And she walks out, she's like, where is my sunscreen?

She's like, I don't know. Well, you just asked if you could use it upstairs and like, why didn't you bring it down? She's like, oh, I don't know. I didn't know that. It's all right. I mean, it's fine. I just lent you borrow it. It's fine. You can borrow it, but like, why would you not bring it down? Like, what sort of stupid fucking twat are you? I mean, I love you, but you're like a twat. And then she starts putting on sunscreen. I guess somebody, I guess the gay or whoever she was going to put it back down for her. I think it was with Carl.

Carl went to get it. And so he gave her the sunscreen and she's like, now putting up sunscreen and Lauren goes. Lindsay, can I ask what's her name? Lindsay. Lindsay. She's like, can I ask them sunscreen? name? Lindsay Lindsay is like can I have some farts? Grin all her words uh meld together this girl she's like can I have some fun? Yeah, she goes I'm using it. Well, okay, well maybe then I'll be well actually I feel like you're actually doing uh, uh, I'm starting to talk like them actually I actually think um, I think that you're doing

Christina disservice because you're making your sound much more outwardly hostile and instead she's like, um, actually, I'm still using it because I didn't get chance to use it already. So, hold on. It's much bitchier. This is great. Lauren's like, she's an entertainment reborder. Her job is literally the golf. So, And then Christina's issue, she's like, I've known her for seven years, and she can be a little self-absorbed, which can be frustrating when you live with her, like everything's a question. And she's like, they're like totally PDA, and it's a lot.

And she's like, hmm, sunscreen. Like these two fucking idiots. I love that these two girls have like full out lesbian fights in the tiny little Manhattan target. You know, you can just see it happening. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But you know, I love how Lindsey says that Christina is a professional gossip.

I'm like, you're a publicist. You're the one who plans the gossip. Oh, that's true. That's a good point. Yeah. I'm totally team Christina. She's actually, I think my favorite one so so far just because she has that bottled up rage That she lets out in a very passive way, which is my favorite way

Christina Yeah, and I love and again she and Steven are allying up because now they're in a different part of the pool and you're like in a different part of the pool and you're like, ah, let's see, all right. Like, how many times I can say, beb, we should have a drinking competition, where every time they say beb, we drink, okay? Mm-hmm.

So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then we have our sixth montage of bedmaking that we've had in 20 minutes. Like every five minutes, it's like the screen

splits into six panels and it's all in the making beds again. It's like 24, but nothing's happening except bed making. Yeah. So the bros, they all go out to lunch. Oh, actually, it's brunch and they're sitting there at the table, all of the smokes I'm in, Benedict, all of the smokes I'm in, Benny also, awesome, swarmel legs, yeah, man.

They were so douchey at, man. Oh, they were so douchey at this lunch. Kyle they just sat down. They're like ex-bending each other and Kyle goes, um, that was a Ferrari. And Carl goes, whoa, he goes, you can tell the name of a car just when it passes and he's like, yeah, and he goes, oh, well, that was a quartet. Whoa, influx. It's a new influx. And it's like this group of 15 girls entering. And they're like, whoa, and Carl goes, I stare because I care. I know. At that point, I was like, why don't you throw yourself in for that Ferrari, please? I mean, every line was so good. And then every goes, when we went to gray lady you ghosted girl goes a girl stole my hat so I'll be I had to get my hat back classic girl move

and Kyle goes good home game good home game what the hell these guys only speaking douche yeah pure douche my my douche to English decoder was just going off the charts. The Webster, Mary douche, the experiment. But then so much hard to make sense about Carl, because he's like, yeah, I used to live in Los Angeles and I was like, oh, there we go. He's like, yeah, I was in a serious relationship and I almost hired a skywriter to propose,

but then instead I broke up with her on a private plane. Because she had married sisters, so she had that bioclock thing going and I broke up with her on her plane. And everyone was like, whoa, how could you break up with a chick who has a private plane? And I was like, I broke up with her because she can't live in a cardboard box with me. And then you did this tongue thing. Yeah. That's a great metaphor, man. He's like, no, seriously, I live in a cardboard box.

And then Kyle, not to be outdushed, is like, yeah, I'm nervous to hook up with Amanda. But you already did. It's like the day after. And he goes, yeah, yeah. I mean, she really wants a relationship. And so I've been respectful and not calling her, you know, but, uh, Dmitry Txeter at 4 a.m. and fucked her in five different places. So the guys are there in a caro after just telling his story about dumping a rich person and feeling like he's, you know, like a saint at this point. He's like, whoa, gonna make my moves.

Yeah. And he goes over to the girls and he's like, I bought them because he bought them a bottle of rosé. Oh, that's right. A wrote fucking rosé. God. Rosé. So he buys him rosé and he's like,

keep it a secret, Chico. Chico and then the guy's like What are you doing in the Hamtons? I feel like we just talked over each other. I'm sorry listeners. But I mean, I mean, my heart heard you. I just talked totally over running. I'm sorry That was probably very confusing for everyone listening Well on a mark also sorry that I said Chico because that's like all the fashion stuff. So and I'm getting people confused. They're like, wait, they're in Chico's? No, close. They're at Kyle by lean two. Yeah. So, like before we go to Kyle, Kyle

by lean two, although now we're so basically Carl, Carl by lean one. Carl, he sends that bottle over and then on all the girls, like, and he's like, excuse me, bros. I'm getting some eye contact, I'll be right back. And he goes over and he's like, hey ladies, they're like, hi! And he's like, oh, anyone eating that French toast? Like, no. Mine if I have a bite like yeah sure

And he goes and he takes a full slice of the French chose with his fingers. I was Do let me go is this how you do it? I'm dipped it in syrup and then all yeah they all go It's like a group of 10 girls like I Was mortified for them. I was more to at first. I was like oh he's such a skis, but then I was I was like you I was like, I was mortified for them. At first I was like, oh, he's such a skis. But then I was like, you ladies raise the bar here, please. No kidding. I feel like only a guy with that white can make a French toast.

To look like that. It's like, yeah. Dip in the French toast. It's so cheap. I really do believe he lives in cardboard box. He's like, this is how I get my breakfast. I just steal it from women. He hangs up by the breakfast burrito truck.

Hey, is this how you eat a burrito? And they're like, see you later. Then they're like, wait a second. He just actually just ate my burrito. Oh, well, seeking man with giant tongue bulging out of his mouth, stealing burritos from innocent ladies. I'm a street's in New York.

So anyway, now over a Kyle by Eileen too. I just wrote, LOL, I'm sure. Yeah. So, so Christina's there, Lindsay's there and one of the twins and they're just shouting I just wrote LOL, I'm sure. Yeah. So, Christina's there, Lindsay's there, and one of the twins, and they're just shouting, like, oh my god, look, it's like July 4th, clothing. This is so great. We all should get this.

It says beach house. We have to get this. It's tough like, yay, ass. It's tough for us. That's us. That's us right here. Christina goes up to Lindsay Lindsay and she's like, I feel like there's tension.

So, and Lindsay goes, yeah, I feel like I feel like there's tension. She goes, well, I wanted to talk to you about it before now, but you didn't return my text. So now we have to do it here. A Kyle Balion too. So that's all you have to find an off. But I need to do it here because I cowbellion too. So that's already modifying an F. Lame. Finally that we do it here because I feel like this is Lindsay and ever it in Christina

too. So. Is this about the lotion? And part of it is about the lotion, but it's also about the fact that you're like really self-absorbed. Really? Because I think that you're pretty self-absorbed really because I feel like all you do is talk about yourself really because I feel like I talk about you too a lot.

And it's like pretty equal. No, I'm really think that all you do is talk about yourself. Really? I think that's like actually, I'm like pretty good about eating it out. And I think that you're just sort of like a bitch and like maybe jealous and bitter. Like that's funny that you say that because like honestly, I don't think that I'm really that bitter.

I just think that like, you're just like really obsessed with ever and you've only been dating for like two months, which is like crazy. I think really that's so funny. I just think that you need to get like some penis in your vat right now and just like shut up. Okay. Really? Okay.

Well enjoy your like shity ass looking top that you got from Kyle and Kyle Biling to. Really? Okay. Thanks. I actually do like it a lot. Really? Cause only assholes shop at the store and I'm only here because we have a production camera here.

That's great. That's so funny. And then it's like, well, I mean, there's a reason I don't tell you a lot of things. She goes, you do tell me a lot of things, but you don't ask me about me. And she goes, sometimes you need to ask about my life. And Lindsay goes, OK, I'll make a more effort to care.

But that's what she says. That's literally how the fight resolves. The Lindsay very cold is like, hmm, okay, I'll do more of an effort to try to care. Yeah, we're just like, God. Not your, as far from actually saying you're gonna care. I'm sorry, I didn't, you know, I'm sorry that you feel left out.

I'm really sorry if I've been talking about effort a lot. But the thing is that she denies that she talked about effort a lot. She's like, that she denies that she talked about effort a lot. She's like, because when Christina says, you talk about effort all the time, like on the drive-up, it's all about effort. She's like, well, he's my boyfriend. Like, don't roll your eyes when I mention his name.

Christina's like, well, that's funny because, like, we could all have known him for like so many years and all of any of us could have had him if we wanted him. Mm. Okay. It's funny because he used to always be like SPF 30 and now you're acting like you're all SPF 15 like what's up with that? Oh these girls are at nightmare.

Well what's great about it is it's actually one of my favorite types of reality show fights which is one person feeling left behind and now I'm talking like looking like they left behind. And they, and they lash out. So basically Steven and Christina were probably a trio with Lindsay and now Lee Lindsay is with Everett and spends all her time with Everett and only talks about Everett and doesn't ask him any questions and they're just fed up but ultimately they're hurt because they feel left behind and sort of jealous, but also just neglected. But they don't know how to actually say that and it's great. Yeah.

And also, Christina is one of those girls who you know is always friends with some beautiful dating girl. She's always dating someone and Lindsay is the kind of girl who goes way too deep into these relationships like right off the bat. I'm like, I'm not going to stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, talks about them nonstop. Then the second they break up, then you have to listen to that. It's like, there's no in between with girls like that. You either listen to how in love they are

with their fucking boyfriend, because they're going to eat, or then you have to hear what an asshole he is. It's like, there's no real talk with those girls. It's all, man, man, man, man, what am I asking? And when you're masturbating every night, it's like, girl, man, man, man, man. What am a little bit. No, it doesn't work. Yes. And I'm telling you, not only is she back, she's bitching about him or her problems with men. Yeah. And you got to listen to that all day.

And then you feel like you've earned some points with this girl. And the second she finds another one, she's out of there. Oh, and by the way, also once they do break up, I'm bitter. No, but here's the other thing. Once they do break up, everything's to be like, I am so mad at him. I'm just like never going but here's the other thing. Once they do break up, everything should be like, I am so mad at him. I'm just like never gonna talk to him again.

And then next, he's like, you know what? Like, so we like talk last night. And I don't know. I just feel like, don't talk to him. Okay, I won't talk to him. Okay, we talk less. It's like, I'm sick of you inviting drama, Lindsey, and ever it in your breakup.

Yes, and then she's like, how dare you talk bad about my boyfriend? What kind of friend are you? Oh, geez. Oh my God, I've been on that lazy season so many times. So it's Mexican theme night at the house. They're like max that can't. And they're like, don't worry, guys.

It's just the burritos we're talking about. Carl me one more Mexican than America. Right guys? So we made cheeseburgers, that's Mexican, right? By the way, they actually are cooking up some delicious looking food. When they made some grilled some steak earlier, I was like, wow, that looked amazing.

So they're cooking and then Everett's talking about being a soldier to the bras talking about yeah, I was this that and That was one inch away from some shrapnel going into me and so he starts to get choked up starts to cry Which is yeah, he's like yeah, I rack was like a parallel life a bomb went off and it blew off my tire And then it almost killed me and Kyle's like and you ate someone's pussy like where's this going? They're just looking at him. Carl's got a huge smile on his face. He goes, oh you were on the you were on the war and he's like, yeah I rack. He goes, what'd you do? He's like, I drove and he's like, oh, like you drove? Like what kind of truck?

I can't listen to do you want to ask. Yeah, I was like a rack. He's like, I love a good rack. Yeah. But as he's like, yeah, I almost died. Oh, my guys. Well, he's crying. I mean, I so he starts doing the he's like fully crying, you know,

we're going to be. So he's don't worry. I'm not making fun of him. He's like crying crying, you know, for a comment. So he's, he's, don't worry, I'm not making fun of him. He's like crying and crying. Kyle goes up to him and he's like, so right, bro. So in the army, blow jobs don't count, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Here's it. Take a second. I'm here to help. So, uh, is there any vagina around? Did you know that a mass mask can feel like a vagina if your eyes are closed? Did they teach you that in the army? Because I've seen a lot of movies on the internet. He's like, no bro, I'm talking about life or death, like parallel life. You're right, you're right, you're right. Yeah, no, take a second. Take a second. I'm here to help. I get it. Do you have my flask, by the way?

I am you guy from the army. We used to call him peg leg. Guess why? He lost his legs, man. Actually, yeah. And his name was Peg. I don't want to leave it the sexual joke. I know. Sorry. I'll doubt on that one Hey bra another memory is fresh, but uh, maybe you want some fireball? Oh Fireball bomb. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry Come on man here bra. Just come down. Let's get your mind off it. Here's a yeager bomb. Oh shit Dude dude dude. Let's just distract you. Let's just get tanked. Oh So dumb so then you hear oh my god you guys are

One of those dreams one did those twins was like, Yeah, do I use us? Do I use us? Oh my God, you guys look at my solid. You know, Chris acting like she's just made a five-course meal. She's like tossing a salad with your hand. You know, it's Christina somewhere being like, Well, Lindsay didn't tell me about the fireworks. Thanks a lot.

I could've missed the entire thing, but one for the twins. Let me guess, you watched them with Crybaby Everett. Well, I was up here not being asked about. Great, good for you. Stop talking about how the fireworks are like your relationship. Okay, I get it, all right. Poor Everett had to go watch explosions. And then the gay guy goes.

The gay guy does. He's like, hey guys, an Alabama where I'm from, they don't do fireworks on the floor. They do in August, because fireworks are on sale. And everyone's like, oh, poor people. So then they go to Carl and the twin, or next on the deck. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is like the big romantic. Yeah, they're flirting.

And she said that Carl is someone that should be a tragedy because, you know, his name is Carl and he's hot. What more is there need to know? And she's like, let me guess. You got a pedicure for him came here. He's like, yeah, how do you feel about that? She's like, I like grooming. Like literally I want a groom.

I call the process of finding a groom grooming. Her sister's inside like, oh my God, did he just say he wants to be a groom? Oh my God, this is crazy. I'm calling our parents. Did you try this out? Go accomplished. Good night.

Happy wedding salad. My girl loves some rich behind, so just tossed it in the back. Steve Jobs, nope, that one. I'll take some. So cool that Steve Jobs is here though, right? I thought he was dead, but he's not. He's in the hot tub. Oh, good. So then they go to a club and Karl, like they're all, but he's not. He's in the hot tub.

So then they go to a club and Carl like they're all dancing and Carl's hanging out with Lauren the twin and he again is being super douchey He's like, yeah, man, I'm in the club like I could either hang out with the bros or I can hang out with the hot blonde He's talking to me. So that's no brainer. That's day two of man school. Oh God, man school. Just so then the poor gay, I mean, we can't even comment on that. Do you know, as we couldn't even make a joke about that, literally nothing to say, do something like quite near teeth. So the, um, the poor gay is never going to get any breaks. So the only one

we can get with is the married one, right? Because the other one is just like Vagina or Dick Crazy. She's like, dickmatized. And the Christina's Christina, there's only some far you can go with that. So we stuck with the married one. And so he's trying to have fun. She's like, oh my god, let's go outside. So they go outside and she's like, okay, guy, I've seen my sister with a lot of guys. And here's my question, what is this guy Carl looking for? Like what does he want? And he's like, he seems nice.

No, but that's my twin. Like, she meets one guy after the other and it's totally not the right guy. And I just want to make sure she's making the right decisions. He's like, I'm sure they'll be fine. No, I don't think they will be gay, guy. He's like, I hate my life. He's like, why have all the Bravo shows

is this the one I got stuck on? It's like I will even wait tables on a different continent to get the fuck off of this cell. He's like wiki wiki wiki. He's like the new DJ in front of the pizza oven, and sir. Oh my goodness. And that's pretty much where it ended.

Did that sing? Oh, well, Carl doesn't come home, right? Wait, Carl, she's home. No, Carl and they hook up. Yeah, they make out on the dance floor. Oh my god. But don't they go hook up at home? Because they go home and they start like tangoing in the bedroom.

Oh my god. And then it's not getting bad. And he I'm only pointing this out because he got on top of her in the bed and his butt was up in the air and I was like, oh my god. This douchebag is really learning how to win my heart. He was so cute in that moment. He just needs to do every scene like this. Ask up. He's down.

Ask up girl. Face down. So then they're like this season on summer has. Gina, she's like, Lawrence. I told those bull people get in my house. Rotten. These things. I wrote this season on summer house white people twerking boats nipples jacuzzi orgy yoga

farting brown bananas pistachs girlfriends jealous bitter girls ever gets current traumatic stress disorder twin Christ. Yeah. And then Kyle asked for a check They're worth a check, please and that's summer house That was fun. Don't my house. I'm excited to see how it develops, you know The first episode is always like a little weird a lot of people coming in excited to see how the personalities start to develop and how the story lines develop um and Hopefully this will go down the same path as vendor pump rules

to develop and hopefully this will go down the same path as Vendor Pump Rules. Yeah, because this one's a little different because normally we watch them break down as they're forced to stay together in a closed confined space or whatever shows like this, like big brother or whatever. But this is different because they're driving back and forth so many miles to just do this every weekend. And they never have a chance really to rest except the twins because they are we're sleeping. But everybody else is just going to get so fucking cranky. Yeah, it's going to be fantastic. And I can't wait to watch Lindsay and Everett fall apart too.

Oh my god, me too. There's nothing I like to see more than a happy couple imploding on TV. Bring it on. Absolutely. Bring it on. Well, everyone, it may be the depth of winter, at least if you're listening in the Northern Hemisphere, but we hope you enjoyed this summer house recap. And I hope you all find a nice, happy summer house to go to this weekend. Remember to subscribe to us on iTunes. Support us on Patreon. We can listen to our bonus episode this week, which was all about Vanupt

subscribe to us on iTunes, support us on Patreon. We can listen to our bonus episode this week, which was all about Vanupto Rool's and Golden Globes. And we talked a lot about Julia Roberts. We would be a little bit of a Julia Roberts deep down. Yeah, it was a very Julia centric episode for some reason. Yeah, for some reason. So, a.k.a, I was one who brought it up. And I was the one who didn't let it go.

We asked the question, why? Why is Julia Roberts not as much as he should be. That's what we address. So everyone, thanks for listening. And we will talk to y'all on Monday for a whole another week of Watch Your Crappens. Bye everyone. Bye!

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