Watch What Crappens - #380 TopChef & RHOA: Icebox Cake, Glamping, and Curtis Stone
Episode Date: January 31, 2017We're talking "Top Chef" and "RHOA" today. We start with blind taste tests and lackluster icebox cakes on TC. Then it's on to glamping madness on Real Housewives of Atlanta. But to start t...hings off, Ben tells us about eating at Curtis Stone's restaurant, Gwen. Get your appetites ready! Oh, and be prepared for important tortilla information. 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:30 - Talking about Curtis Stone’s restaurant 00:08:45 - Top Chef 00:52:50 - RHOA See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap ends.
A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.
I'm Ben Metalker from B side blog.com and the banter blender and joining me as usual
Is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karen from trash talk TV comm and the Roseprick special podcast and real house
I said Beverly Hills audiobooks. Hey Ronnie. Well, hello band. What'd you get on quiet? You were all
Hyper before this started and then it started and you got all NPR what the hell I
I
Didn't want to waste any time.
I wanted to get right into this madness of today because the Judaism about to waste your time
right now.
I wanted to tee you up to think that it was going to be, I was going to have nothing to talk
about, but I have things to talk about.
First of all, happy new year to our Chinese friends and our Vietnamese friends. Second of all, it's National Crescent Day, Lisa Rina, so you know what we're expecting.
Crescent. This is true, it's National Crescent Day. I have a question about the Chinese in
a year. Is cashew chicken gonna be updated anytime soon? Is that I feel like every year is the
same model, which I love, but I could use a new model.
Yeah. Maybe this might be, you know, everything's changing these days. So maybe this is the year that
Cash to Chicken, you know, switches it up. We can only. So I learned about National Cresante because
last Wednesday, after we were done recording for the week for our water crap and fifth anniversary
week. I actually was invited to a dinner at Curtis Stone's restaurant in Hollywood called
Gwen. Curtis Stone, who we all remember, was a judge on top chef masters. That's the Bravo
tie in there. That's why I'm bringing it in. It was
a dinner to celebrate. I think a host or something of that show. He was a host. Host and
Jerry of Top Chef Masters. And then he was also a host of that sort of like amazing race
cooking show on. He used to give dirty looks to people. He'd be like, welcome. That was not good. Dirty look, dirty look.
I remember he hated fat girls.
I love that show.
It was, I forget the name of the amazing race one,
but it was like last plate served or something like that.
So they had this event at his restaurant,
Gwynne, for Australia Day.
Australia Day was sometime last week.
And so this was sponsored by, I think, it's called Gide for Australia Day. Australia Day was sometime last week and so this was sponsored by
I think it's called Gidea Australia. I forget the organization. Sorry, but it was really cool.
It was an event to celebrate Australian wine and all the stuff and so I was invited and it was a
totally comp meal which I think I have to say otherwise, it's like illegal. But it was really cool to finally
try some of Curtis Dones cooking. For those of you who don't live in LA, he's actually, he had
opened up a restaurant about a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago named Maud in Beverly Hills.
That's been like a really tough ticket to get into and it's been really acclaimed. So it was sort of cool to hear that a TV chef
actually had a worthwhile restaurant
and Gwen is his second restaurant here in LA.
And it's more of like a meat-centric restaurant
and it was really good, Ronnie.
It was really, really good.
I'd love to open a meat-centric restaurant
named after a woman.
So was Mod the woman's name or was it M-O-D?
No, it's M-A-U-D.
I forget the backstory.
I think it's the other.
Yeah, I think it's named after Be Arthur.
I think it was.
This will be the first abortion in a restaurant,
in honor of Mod.
I think I forget the backstory.
I think Mod and Gwen are either his daughters
or his sisters or you know mom
Something like that, but I promise it or
But I actually have the menu for those of you who are since we are gonna be talking about top chef and
Real House was of a length today
I thought this was the reason why I'm bringing up today is I felt like this would be a good thematic tie-in
So I know people who tune on our Monday show are to some extent
Culinary interested in things. So let me tell you about what the menu was at mod because they gave it to us with this little autograph by the way
I've got Curtis. No, I'm not a graph in front of me
So it started off with like a a shark cuterie
You play with me a little shark cuterie and I'm not even going to everything that was on there
But the shark you really was really tasty and there was something
Oh, there was these little pretzel bread buns if you wind up going to restaurant definitely get the pretzel bread buns those were delicious
And something I'm gonna miss spell it a mispronounce it fino kiyona fino gionna. Did you heard of that?
Mm-hmm
It was some sort of spread that you put on the puzzle bread.
It was making up for the age of the pretzel bun.
Yeah, it's like a spread that was like a meaty spread.
You know, I'm like the worst food recipe.
I mean, obviously you get this table with like producer from like good eats, you know,
on KCRW and someone else from KCRW, someone from CBS. And I'm like the idiot there that's like, now what do you call this, they have here?
Um, then the next course is a beef tartar. What are your thoughts on beef tartar? Do you like
beef tartar? Um, no, I feel like something should be cooked. I mean, I'm not like a,
I'm not freaked out about everything, you know, I'm not like, so you see you, but um, beef,
yeah, I mean, I've been friendly with cows and they need to be cut
There's a lot of germs there
That being said this was delicious. This was delicious delicious beef tartar and it came with a focaccia
And I'm telling you people this focaccia it was to die for I feel like it was some of the best focaccia I've ever had it was like
It was you know how focaccia is like dimpled on top, you could see pools of butter in
all the dimples.
Oh, girl.
Anyway, then there was some, then there was toothpick and lamb and Pavlovas and stuff like that.
It was all delicious.
So highly recommended if you're coming into town, if you live here, definitely check out
when it's, yeah, good day USA as the sponsor is on here.
Definitely check it out.
It's going to be expensive, but it's worth checking out for the very least to be able to
say you tried Curtis Dones cooking, right?
Yeah, it sounds delicious.
I made tortilla's and then I finished on them.
And then I was like, why do I feel so sick?
I've only eaten a homemade food.
But it was like half of a box of flowers, so that's why.
So there you go, I hope you enjoyed your fat,
shaming card, and food.
While I was getting better, it might help.
When I entered it into my fitness pal,
I just rode in mistake and just automatically gave it
like 2,500 calories.
I was like, I don't know how many calories this is.
I'm not gonna go through every single item on here.
I'm just gonna say one big mistake.
Yeah. Whether they call that, what do Catholics call it when they hit themselves with like
beads? Like self-legilation? Yeah. You're not going to do that.
I was a lot of that. What have burned calories? It's a good thing about self-legilation.
It's a lot of like reaching to your back. I know. Those shamed Catholics aren't such good shape
from their self-legulating.
Yeah, no kidding.
I mean, there's a whole cross fitness industry
kind of built on that.
They're always like, okay, pick up a chain
and hit yourself from the back with it.
Now, run around the block with the tire on your neck.
Yeah, I mean, I think boot camps are a great,
great, no pun intended exercise in massacism
because when I've done boot camps, I'm like,
why am I here?
Within five minutes, I'm like, why am I doing this to myself?
Why did I this is this is actually terrible?
This is the reason the main reason why I didn't go into the army because I didn't want
to go into boot camp. And here I am. This is it. What am I doing?
Well, I know what you're going to be doing. You're going to be recapping top chef right now.
That's right. It's being a boot camps. Um, let's get into some top chef
From everyone's got some top chef under the sea
Now that now that I've filled everyone's brains with ideas of of
Focaccia. Oh my god. Is the donut guy outside again?
There's a donut guy outside who has a donut guy is that okay thing? Is that like a truck? No, no
My donut guy is someone who makes donuts with his cars in the intersection.
As Evan.
Oh, what?
Oh, he actually does donuts.
Yeah, when I was driving the car man.
Yeah, like I actually caught him on Instagram.
Like a like a bad week ago.
I have this video of him doing donuts outside my window.
But just now when I'm walking under Starbucks to get my coffee to amp up for this podcast,
he just full-on did a daytime donut and there were like people in the intersection.
There was there were cars waiting to go and he was doing donuts and I was like,
this is madness. I was so mad I didn't get it.
Well, I'm glad I asked you what you meant before I ran out the house and scootered up to your house.
Oh, yeah. Oh, you thought I said texted Ronnie, I said there's a guy doing donuts
in front of me and you must have thought
I was, there's someone there.
No, no, I got it in that context,
but we just talked about all this bread and food
and I was like, just a donut guy outside.
I should have known you'd still be looking at your window
trying to find the damn donut guy.
No, I heard, I heard a loud,
a loud like muffler sound out there.
I didn't get you, don't that guy.
You'll do this whole thing from your balcony,
just waiting to see Donut Guy.
I can't wait for Donut Guy to come back
because I really want to video tape him and shame him.
You feel like we need a new name for that car move
because it's so rude and donuts are so delicious.
They are.
We just call it the hemorrhoid cushion move
and leave Donut alone.
Small penis, small penis twirl. Yes.
So okay, okay, small penis is kacy.
Top. It doesn't have a penis, guys. She's kacy. Well, it's so
small, you can't even see it. It's so small. I was gonna say
it's a clitoris, but I already know the danger of talking
about lady parts
on here, because I don't really know.
I need a diagram.
So listen everyone, we used up all our good stuff in the five year anniversary week, okay?
We're just, you know, we're still recovering.
We're still recovering.
I do feel like I'm kind of recovering today.
Yeah.
I'm trying to think of a name for a clitoris.
I mean, that's pretty sad.
I know a name for cl quatoris. I mean, that's pretty sad. I know a name for a quatoris.
Donut man.
Is this how year six begins?
Hey, I heard that watch what happens
is having their five anniversary too.
That's impossible.
I know, but didn't they come out before us?
Yes, that's not like we were in here.
Watch our crap, kids.
That's a lie.
We can't be amazing.
If people are on Twitter like, Hey,
remember when you stole their name five years ago,
watch what happens.
I would love that.
Trends, Edders.
So top chef.
Um, so, so quick fire this, this, oh, you, I know you probably want to talk
about the stuff that happened at the very beginning of the episode.
So you talk about it.
We do because it was really good.
It was good. It was good.
It was really good this time.
First, it starts with Casey talking to John and Casey is one of those people that tries
to talk like she's really smart.
I think she thinks if she says a lot of words, she'll sound smart, but she's never really
saying anything.
Have you noticed that?
She comes back and she's telling John, well, first I thought, like, I don't know what to think.
And then I thought, well, what should I think?
And then I was like, well, surely we're not, you know what I mean?
Because I was like, I'm thinking,
and then John just starts crying.
And he was like,
we failed as humans and as chefs on this challenge and it hurts so bad
that Katsuji hates me so much or he wants to win so bad that he would hurt me.
His friend, he's a rat with zero integrity and he starts going off and then they cut
to Casey and Casey is still like, but then I was thinking, you know what, I really
didn't know what I was thinking.
Oh, thanks for sounding off-key. She sort of sounds like me when I'm grappling to say
something. You know, it's just like, you know, I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is,
you know, I guess, I mean, let me rephrase it. It's more like, you know what I mean? It's
like that. She knows that. She knows that. I think we're seeing nods right in your face.
And like, she'll put her hand on your shoulder and kind of squeeze it
Like I'm about to say something really really important. But first I don't like you to validate that my scallop was in fact fresh
It was fresh it was I tasted it five times and I only had diarrhea for like three hours
Well, John is trying to reword everything and make him sound like a huge victim,
which he was kind of a victim. I mean, Kat, he was going to throw him under the bus.
But he was, but he knew that would, would happen. And second of all, he spent this entire
episode acting like he just got back from Vietnam. You know, yeah, I'm not saying that because
it's Ted right now. I'm saying it because the entire time he was like,
I'm still recovering from restaurant wars.
Wow, you know, I was all brought to the brink
and restaurant wars.
Wow, old John almost came out and restaurant wars.
I've been working on myself, but you know,
restaurant wars like John, you earned an actual war.
Okay.
New York just a couple of those people
that want a gold star for not hitting somebody that day.
Yeah, that's what the rest of us do every day.
Okay, you don't get like an award for not killing somebody that day. That's what the rest of us do every day. Okay, you don't get
like an award for not killing somebody that's been. He's like literally acting as if you were in
platoon. Like, like, he was there down on his knees, his hands up in the sky as catchy, as
usually flies off in a helicopter. It's like, do you know what it was like being Tom Cruise and then
returning as like the Tom Cruise from Born in the Fourth of July. It's like, it's not easy.
But I didn't hit anybody today.
But the other chefs basically tell us the truth.
Brooke, who never really says anything shitty about anybody and you can tell they're
asking you her in the diary room.
Okay, well, what do you think about John?
No, you have to say something.
You literally have to say something, Brooke.
No, I don't want to hear about blueberries.
You have to, you have to, you have to talk some shit at some point.
So she's like totally bored talking shit, but she's like, I mean, to me, since you're making
me answer this question, it sounds like John played a big part in losing that challenge.
So you know he's bad if Brooke shit talking him, because she doesn't say bad,
anything bad about anybody.
No, she definitely does not.
She barely even talks badly about Emily, and you know, she wants to.
Yeah, you know, it's so close.
So they basically chill for a little while and go to the beach.
And then we get to a guest or the, whatever, fire challenge.
Okay.
Michael Voltage is a Michael Voltage. Michael Voltage, is it Michael Voltage?
Michael Voltage, yeah.
Duck face, that twin, okay, did you notice how he keeps
outing his lips and he's like,
mm, mm, with his lips and he raises when eyebrow.
That's like that.
He makes his limp eyebrow like days of our lives.
I know, but it's just, I guess because we haven't seen him
so long, it's, it looked
crazy in this context. So I think you look pretty much the same except he has more tattoos.
They're like creeping up like onto his face now. Yeah, they're not creeping. They're
taking over. He put a skull right on that part of his lower neck that attaches to your
chest. Like, I'm so bad. I'm, I'm sorry, I'm stupid. But the part where in that smoking commercial where that lady has to cover the hole in her throat
and you're like, you're like, you're doing what happens from smoking. And then she puts
a cigarette in there. He put a skull there. I mean, you're so deep, dude. Yeah. Well,
you know, chefs, you know, hardcore man. He's like, this is my used to do heroin school.
Yeah, pretty much. I would have been dead if it weren't for this skull.
And this is a reminder that I would have been dead if it weren't for it.
Well, duck-faced voltage, all of those tattoos, I mean, I think Lina Dunham's vagina
came back to life.
I was like, ah, sorry, I'm not mistaken. I'm like, we should mention, sorry, we should mention to people who are new to the podcast,
Ronnie likes to call Emily Lena Dunham.
He looks just like her.
I just want to put that out there in case people are like, what?
Lena Dunham.
She looks just like her and she's obsessed with her own emotions like anybody cares.
Yes.
Like the real Lena Dunham as well. And she has been spurned emotions like anybody cares. Yes. Like the real, like the real leaning done in this one.
And she has been spurned by Odell Beckham Jr.
You know she would be.
And then she's going home to cry about it later too.
Like I sat next to this guy and he didn't even look at me.
Like I'm nothing because I'm not traditionally dressed like a whore.
You was being a pinup.
I mean, I made him like a maple butter cake and he like didn't even look at it
It's like gosh, I mean, I know I'm a rookie, but you don't have to rub it in my face at the L back
I'm junior like that was actually the door man. Oh, yeah, well now I'm a racist. I get it
fine
So 20 I Tom boy version of Eden from real house. So I said Beverly Hills
She gave me nothing
of Eden from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She gave me nothing.
I touched her hand.
She gave me nothing.
What was a mannequin?
Yes, but I saw that movie.
Manicans can come to life.
Well, when Padma announced that this was a blindfold challenge,
I think Lena Dunham's vagina started clapping.
Like, I have a chance.
It's like, he's not wearing the blindfold.
You're wearing the blindfold you're wearing that is funny yeah sorry there was a blindfold opportunity and
I have no it was super funny I mean that was super funny I really meant that
sincerely it's not seriously that was seriously great effort. Seriously, right? Great effort.
So this is actually one of my favorite challenges, although I think it's kind of like a bullshit challenge,
but I enjoy it nonetheless.
It's the Blindfold Taste Test.
And the rules are basically that they have to taste something.
And once they have to identify it and to lock it in,
you say, next, or you can say, pass.
So Brooke starts off and she pretty much gets everything.
Except for clam. She says clams oyster and she's like, oyster next.
Oh, it was clam and Padmas like, yes, it was.
She also misses duck, which I guess is normal and balsamic, which was crazy.
Although she did realize she got balsamic,
she got that one wrong after she let it settle or whatever. But John starts this, John
is. He's like, well, I'm wondering how the smokers are feeling right about now. Now
that it's all about your palate, I'm like, okay, not face your last, your like in last
place. So shut up. Yeah. Yeah. Don't don't come for the smokers when Padma gives you cream
cheese and you're like, I don't know, flour. Yeah. Exactly. That's not even an issue of flavor.
I mean, that's like, how do you even padma? They cut to padma in the space and she was she looked
all screwed up. Like, she's probably the face she gives gale every time she walks into a room. Like,
what? Really? Whenever she sells season you flower pattern on gale
She makes this face. I wrote in bold Padmas face
Yeah, we were on the same page
I'm shaming everyone by the way
Every time someone would accidentally say pass or like one at one point someone identified it
But they didn't say next should be like oh, I wish you had said next or oh,
I wish you hadn't have said past.
Like, thanks, Pat Ma.
Yeah, she says it really slowly,
so they can never make up time.
I like that John didn't even get Pimento
when he made that last week.
I know.
Well, because his version of Pimento
tastes like, you know, Rancid Crab and Cheez Whiz,
probably, because that's what he served apparently.
Well, Lena passed on everything.
She's like, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass.
And then they give her a mango and she goes,
fruit rolled up.
They give her chicken, she's like,
ah!
She just basically became like a five-year-old girl.
This gr gross.
So who won that one?
I didn't write who won.
I won it. I broke one up by a long shot.
She got like 16 and everyone else got 12 or so,
including Michael Voltaje.
Yeah, done. I'm got like five.
She got five.
Yeah, it was sad.
Yeah, I felt bad for her.
I don't know why I feel bad for her
because I feel like I should hate her.
She's like a traditional pop chef villain,
but I'm like, oh, I don't hate her either.
I don't want to hug you, but I don't want to,
you know, walk you out either.
I don't hate her because I do feel like she's misunderstood
by us and included.
Like I feel like she's someone who is frustrated in life all the time because she can't help herself.
She doesn't know how to present herself in a way
where she could be understood.
And as a result, she keeps getting misunderstood
and then by being more misunderstood,
she gets more flustered and gets more misunderstood.
I think that she's lost a ton of weight
just because her like she looks.
That's how I'm looking at it because she has that kind
of look to her like I don't know.
That is comfortable.
She looks like she's just lost his ton of weight and I think that as most people who lose
a lot of weight think life is going to change when you're thin.
It's like life is so much easier thinner and then you realize oh it's still sex.
Yeah. I just wore smaller pants. I don't think she has lost a lot of weight because that would have
been part of her backstory. We would have definitely seen pictures of the four-and-afters. And well,
if it weren't for cooking, I never would have lost weight, some bullshit like that. And she also
probably would have been like a healthy chef, not serving up maple cake, unless she was self-loathing,
which is possible too. Yeah, I don't know, but if anybody has any info, please send it my way.
I'd love to know.
I'd love to know diet stories girl.
Either that or maybe she's just a middle child.
Yes, who used to be fat?
Okay, we're gonna go.
Who's misunderstood?
So yeah, so she got five.
I'm surprised John did not take this opportunity to talk about how being
blind folded, tasting things without being able to see was brought him back to memories
of restaurant wars and blindly going into the kitchen, not knowing if you would ever be
able to make his nasty Pimento cheese. What with Katsujee's three dishes he had to plate.
Yeah, he saw, wow, that was a tough challenge, but you know what?
At the end of the day, I have to say, I'm proud of myself for not hitting somebody.
That was a tough quick fire, but at the end of the day, I'm proud that I still got the
restaurant wars.
Did I mention I was in the restaurant wars and it was hard to mention that.
But I'm a new man. So the next challenge, the elimination challenge is a charity event for poor kids and everybody
pays $500 a piece and the winners get richer children or whatever.
And they have to talk about their happiest childhood memory.
And I was like, please don't start with Casey.
Because you know Casey's childhood memory is going to was like, please don't start with Casey. Because you know, Casey's childhood memory
is gonna take forever and be about nothing.
I was never prouder of myself than that time
that I first buttoned the coat.
It filled my heart with, I don't know what,
I don't know, I don't remember, but it felt good.
I'm like, thanks, Casey.
Write a book.
Without that coat, I don't think I ever would have been the hot one on top chef.
That was when I realized it was up to me to make sure that I wasn't cold.
And that was empowerment right there.
Like, thanks, Casey.
I'm just glad that Jamie isn't on the show anymore because it's been like my happiest childhood memory was being six years old and getting hooked on heroin.
The warrant for that heroin I never would have gone into cooking. So what I realized I could tie off my own arm with one hand. I thought, well, I'm like fucking Superman.
like fucking Superman. My happiest childhood moment was hearing that there was an actual band named Tattoo.
It was two lesbians from Russia. I thought, wow. Someone named band after my body.
I'm dedicating this dish for children my child who's a child.
Because, uh...
My favorite childhood memory was being an adult and having a child.
Who's a vegetarian? My favorite childhood memory was being an adult and having a child.
Who's a vegetarian?
And possibly on heroin.
Oh no, we're gonna get the hate mail now.
Don't make fun of children. Don't make fun of children.
Could you imagine?
Someone's sitting in their car right now being totally pissed off that we're talking about children.
Yes, actually I can.
How dare you, sir.
There are children.
Six years old on heroin.
People are really, they are feisty about children.
I mean, understandably, no one should feisty about children on heroin.
Well, people shouldn't make fun of kids.
They really shouldn't.
But people are also super sensitive of what they think is making fun of children just so you know, it's a dread carefully.
So look, if your kid is listening to our podcast, he's advanced enough to get it. And if
he's not advanced enough, then that's on you. Oh, see, I'm making fun of children again.
Well, John's fondest memory is the smell of white wine.
And I was like, oh my God, we're like brothers.
I didn't hit anybody today either.
I think he meant like a white person whining.
He's like, that was a great moment
when I heard that white person whining
about restaurant wars as a child.
First person I ever punched.
Yeah.
Well, he was talking about scampi, white wine, garlic, and lemon, or whatever.
So he wants some, you know, some crab, and he buys all the, all the crabs.
So no one else can get it and silver's all mad.
But silver's version of being mad is really adorable.
It's like he took all the crab.
I am mad.
I have to say I am quite pissed off.
Like you go, boy, you saw him.
Oh, sorry.
This is how angry I was.
I want someone to be in my restaurant.
Say it again.
This is how angry I was when someone burned on my restaurant.
This man screaming mad, piping hot mad.
Can you feel it?
I like when he was trying to come up with something else and he's like,
the ribeye was talking to me and I'm like, it probably is because you can't tell
with silver. He's probably like, what ribeye?
Well, silver sort of feels like the kind of guy who might be in a children's show.
Like, hey, Mr. ribeye is calling on the phone.
Hi, Mr. ribeys calling on the phone.
Hi, Mr. Ribbys.
And then like a ribbys comes with
googly eyes and a little mouth.
Oh, we need that Mr. Rogers energy to come back.
Now that was at children's show.
Someone who didn't act like a spaz
just to get the tension of children.
Children's shows now are like,
I can't.
Whoa.
They're all crazy.
Mr. Rogers was like,
hi, I'm sitting in my house in a sweater. People are like, wow, what a great show. He's the one you Mr. Rogers was like hi. I'm sitting in my house in a sweater and people are like wow
That what a great show. He's the one you mr. Rogers no wonder why kids are on heroin these days, you know if you watch yoga big Abba you can go right to the juice
It's like my sponsor from that time said put on one shoe at a time like no that was mr. Rogers
No one thing you never got off heroin.
My happiest childhood memory is when I figured out
Blue's clue.
And the clue was heroin.
Seldon is telling Brooke what he's gonna make.
And he's like, my dad love to eat rice and tea
out of his tromus.
And Brooke's like, his tromus?
He's like, yeah, his tromus.
She's like, really, his tromus?
He's like, yeah, it was delicious.
She just starts laughing, because he never gets it.
This episode loves a fun of Brooke.
Looking at people with accents, like,
what the fuck are you even talking about?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sheldon was like,
I'm gonna make tea in barley.
I'm like, okay.
And then Emily, Lena Dunham,
she announces that she's going to make an ice box cake
and I'm actually, I'm excited for her
because she did well in restaurant wars,
which she made a cake for that.
So that was like her first positive notice on something. So I was like, okay, made a cake for that. So that, that was like her first
like positive notice on something. So I was like, okay, she was gonna follow that.
And you know, an ice box cake ice box cakes are delicious, you know, and they're
hard to mess up. So anyway, she says she's going to elevate the ice box cake.
And I'm like, this sounds good. Good for you, Emily, you're finally on the right track.
Well, her grandpa Gilbert was George Bush.
Senior. They showed a picture and I was like, oh my gosh, no wonder she's a wreck.
And she's like, it's basically like layers of chocolate cookies with cool whip.
And I thought, my god, she's going to literally do cool.
Like, this bitch is literally going to use cool whip.
I just felt it coming. And I spot cakes, of course they're delicious.
I mean, it's cake mix in a sheet band.
Like of course it's good, but come on.
But I did say it was a little suspicious
because I spot cakes are also kind of like no bake,
but I guess if she's gonna bake her own cookies,
you know, that would help.
Meanwhile next to her, Brooke is making
eggs Benedict sous vide in a crate with herb oil.
It's like, oh, nice.
The high spot cake.
High spot cake.
Yeah, that's nice.
So what are you going to do after the first 30 minutes?
But you're done with it.
So you're going to make cookies.
Okay, I remember making those for base-gales as a child. That was my second child to memory. So you're going gonna make cookies. Okay, I remember making those for base guy's as a child that was my second child to memory
So you're gonna make cookies. Okay. Oh, and then you're going to whip some cream great and then what else?
Nothing that's a little that's literally it. Oh, well, that's good. I'm sure you won't fuck that up
It's just my favorite part of this episode was this
the cream. My favorite part of this episode was this.
Surely. Yes. I knew you're going to do. So, I was like, so how about your childhood, Shirley?
I don't know why they always give Sheldon the now.
You're turned to talk because he's so awkward with it.
But he's like, so, Shirley, what about your childhood?
And she's like, Oh, of course, I was trouble maker.
I can't breathe. I drop a building.
I will cross three without looking both ways.
My mom would say,
Shelley, what are you doing?
Sometimes I will run around the pool, crazy,
because they say only walk around the pool, no running.
I will run.
Like, just going for like 10 minutes,
shouting goes, shouting goes.
I don't know what she's saying,
but I am awe of how much words
are coming out of her mouth.
She was basically the prototype for yoga bagi Gaba, by the way.
Like, just jumping around doing childhood parkour.
I used to swirl my stomach and tap my head at the same time.
All tight, all day long.
Other time, I would go swimming and I would go under the water and hold my breath.
And then people would say, surely dead.
And then I wouldn't be dead.
I was glad just getting on. Oh then I wouldn't be dead. I was like just kidding, man.
Oh, I made heart.
So mad.
I do jumping jacks for five hours straight.
It's a little cracked out.
Yeah, Shirley was making a, um, what was she making?
She was making like a lamb.
Oh, yeah, lamb. She made a lamb thing.
It's hard to understand.
It's a sliced lamb, of course.
And then, KC by the way, we should mention that, well, I have a trashy grandmother and I have a fancy French grandmother.
So I'm gonna make a crab cake because she thought that was fancy, a steeped bitch.
And I'm putting it in some bread. I'm gonna call that a macaron because she thought that was fancy steeped bitch and I'm putting it in
Some bread. I'm gonna call that a macaron because of my other grandmother was French
I'm like well just because you put a crab cake in between two pieces of bread that are circular does not mean it's a macaron
Yeah, I'm not saying what a very specific okay, that is egg white and almond like almond flour very specific
Yeah, yeah, some of us are watching the great thing and like almond flour, very specific. It's a very different brand.
Yeah, yeah.
Some of us are watching the great thing.
You can't just say it's a little round thing.
And then when she said her macaron was going to be
two pieces of white bread, I was so mortified for her.
I was, yeah, I did not get that.
That felt to me like of all the French fusion things
she could have done, that was the laziest.
I mean, hello, it's National Cresante,
it made baby Cresants.
Also, she didn't really make a crab cake.
I think she was singing because it was inside the bread,
but it was basically like crab salad,
like if she was making tuna salad.
It was like a male crab mixture inside white bread.
I'm like, did you really just make a knockoff
of a tuna sandwich?
I think she was writing, I think she was trying to go back to the, um, the radish challenge when she
made a radish look like a scallop. So she's like, look, I'm going to make this look like a macaron,
except the thing is, by the way, it also didn't look like a macaron. It would have been one thing,
it was like a, it looked like a scallop, I'll be in a bag. It actually looked like a,
it ended up looking like a chocolate. I thought scallop. I,ad. I like maybe like do a take a scoop of potato and sculpt it to look like a
macaron maybe I don't know but or just make something that's not like a crab
salad because that's weird or just don't call it a macaron and don't say
what two pieces of white bread in your intro Voltage it was like I'd fuck you
but I'm not gonna give you the win here. She should have done she you know what she
should have done she should have done?
She should have done crab and put it, like,
done a crab escargot situation,
and put, like, little crab things in an escargot plate
with, like, that garlic butter,
and it would have been, like, a fusion of, like, you know,
I don't know.
Eating crab out of a snail's ass.
I mean, it would have been better than this.
So, yeah, that's what Casey worked on. out of a snail's ass. I mean, it would have been better than this.
So yeah, that's what Casey worked on.
And then Silver, he made basically like a little beef, a little beef croquette, essentially, from Haiti.
A beef lollipop.
Beef lollipop, oh yeah, he was stressing about his lollipops.
I'm so angry.
I'm so angry.
Yeah, his story was in Haiti.
On the new year, we could stay up past 10 o'clock
and we would be fed beef patties.
Like sounds delicious,
but he ended up making like a really good beef wally pop
that they all whoa.
I mean Tom never loves anything that much.
Tom loved his. He's a calm love it. Hey anybody I have thoughts about that beef lollipop. Oh, delicious. Whoa, that was amazing
Seriously, well, I thought I well, you know the beef lollipop on top in the top three
And I'm surprised because I thought that I actually thought John scampy was gonna get in the top three because a
I mean who doesn't love Scampie and B
Thomas so excited about it that that after he was done eating it he turned to grass like huh?
You gotta get in here. There's good food. There's good food right over here
It's like what they serve that at Red Lobster like John is doing a lot of old things from the 80s
Like I mean last week was Pimento cheese
He was shocked that they weren't thrilled with Pimento cheese
This week was scampy.
Yeah, that's true. He's like, I've opened 20 restaurants this year and they've all been red lobster
expresses inside models. Do those exist? No, but they need to. I got really, I was like, let's get
serious here. Does that exist because That's important
Most of the fish we eat is flash frozen anyway people need to get the fuck over it red bobsters delicious and according to chef John our favorite food blogger
If you're ordering lobster tail you actually
You should just ask for the ones from their freezer at the supermarket because it's our everything's flesh frozen and then it's
Spawned out in the case so it's actually a little fresher to get it from the freezer if that makes sense.
Yeah I buy fish like that at sprouts because every fish at Sprout says
swordfish previously frozen because like oh geez if you re-freeze fish your fat so you've got to
like hurry up and get it home and throw it in the fridge because you can't like why are we
fucked if we refresh fish?
Is it this, do the cell structure break down or something?
I don't know.
I've never understood why, but I am not testing that.
Yeah.
I am not, you know what?
I'm not testing it either.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
And I'm gonna get a sprouts later.
I'm gonna go to sprouts later.
I am too.
Maybe we'll see each other.
Oh my god, I wish the planet had to say that.
Oh my god, I gotta get my weekly groceries.
I gotta get my like cottage cheese and eggs and salmon and chicken.
Oh gross, I walk behind you with fat-meat things.
Please don't let me buy bread.
Okay, don't let me buy bones because I love a white bread
bone and don't let me buy flour.
Anything else?
I'm good.
Yeah, I'll make sure you stay away from the cream cheese
in that case.
And then I will, I'll keep away from the bread,
although I'm sure my discussion of that amazing
Kurdistan Fakashia did not help.
And I also had some really good bread on Friday too.
No, stop it.
Oh, can I tell everybody your tortilla secret?
Because I did have a break through.
And this is a top chef recap, so it's appropriate.
Mm-hmm.
So I love making tortillas.
Love it.
I've always made my own tortillas.
But when you make them yourself,
they're a little harder, like your red puffer. Mm-hmm.
Okay. And I read on some rando blog to put them inside a ziplock bag right after they're
cooked, and then they all steam each other. And then when you leave them in there, they
like steam after they cook, and they're so soft and delicious. So thank you, rando blogger.
Do you have a tortilla press?
No. Those are mostly for corn tortillas.
I have a marble rolling pin, thing that's heaviest but,
and I just slam it down and roll the crap out of it.
Do you have a tortilla,
do you have like one of those things that you put tortillas
in like the round things that look like a,
like a dumpling steamer, but second to two?
No.
Cause maybe if, I'm sure that probably serves the same purpose when you're done with the tortillas
You put them in there and you put the top on and then they probably steam in there. Yeah, well, I make some big ass tortillas
I guess I can get a big ass one of those, but I live in a little tiny place
So I don't need anything else in here. My kitchen aid mixer is already bullying me. It's like always there. It's always in my face
I can't have anything else in here.
So for you poor people who need some steams, some softer tortilla, steam them honey.
You know it's funny. I can give you another tortilla hack right now because as it happens,
my copy of Cook's Illustrated is directly in front of me and I was reading it the other
day and I want you to know this, Ronnie, I'm going to read this to you. Because you know
in the front of Cook's Illustrated, they always have these little things that readers
write in their little hacks, the kitchen hacks.
So here's one for stove tops,
themed tortillas that I just read two days ago.
To soften and warm tortillas without using a microwave,
Jeff Faire of Seattle, Washington places a tortilla
on a wire rack set over a pot of simmering water.
He leaves the tortilla over the heat only briefly
to ensure that it doesn't get overly moist,
flipping it once or twice so that it warms through evenly.
And you can do this with four at a time.
So I guess it probably makes it like a nicer,
it sort of moisturizes the tortilla in a way
that a microwave, a microwave can do it,
but this way it's like a little, it doesn't make them chewy.
So there.
So when you want to heat up your tortillas that you have made, you can just put a wire rack
over some simmering water and just let them go.
The dishes. And that's been toward the tortilla moment.
Sponsored by a good IUSI. So speaking of limp tortillas, let's go back to these people.
I was actually that that is a good segue for Lina and Dunham.
Okay, because of course cut to everyone's like, I'm making sous vide blah blah blah.
Like everyone's trying to get fancy.
I mean, you got over to Lina Dunham and she's like, oh, these ovens are so uneven.
And then she tries pouring out of sheet of an icebox cake.
And it's all gross and burnt.
She's like, well, gonna have to hide that one.
I was like, you just had to make an icebox cake.
Well, yeah, I had to make.
No, well, she has two things going against her.
One, as it turns out, it's like the hottest day of the year.
And they're all like prepping outside the next day. And so that's not going to be good for
an ice cake. But two, do you think going against her is herself? Because you know what?
The whole point with an ice box cake is you put something dry in there, and it absorbs
the moisture of the whipped cream or whatever you're going to use, and then it becomes soft
and it becomes cohesive.
I know this because I'm a big fan
of making Inaigartons mocha icebox cake.
Have you ever made that one?
No, I'm not a big cake maker.
Well, that's easy because you get,
basically what I like to do is she calls for tates,
but those are expensive.
So I just get the tin of chocolate cookies
from Trader Joe's or you can get chips of hoys.
And you basically just do a layer of cookies,
and you make this special whipped cream using a marscopony
and cream and some espresso powder or whatever.
And you put in a layer of the whipped cream,
and then more cookies, a layer.
You do like five layers of cookies and then all that.
And that's, it takes about 25 minutes total,
and then you put it in the fridge for 12 hours.
And when you slice into it, it's like a cohesive piece
of cake that essentially tastes like milk and cookies
in cake form.
And it's awesome.
Every time I've made it, it's like the biggest hit ever.
So all this woman has to do is make a dry piece of cake.
That's all she has to do.
So just put it in the oven and like don't burn it,
but just dry it out.
It's okay because you're gonna put all this moisture in it
and you're gonna let it sit overnight.
And the fact that she let it sit overnight
and the moisture didn't get into the cake,
what is, how do you do that?
How do you do that?
Well, I wanna, oh, I was gonna ask you if we could just jump to judging because I
love when she says, basically, like when she presented her cake, she's like, I mean,
basically, it's a wet cake.
It's supposed to be a wet cake.
And then she tells us, yeah, I mean, it's a cake, but it being but a boom.
I was like, you, you please tell me you're leaving this episode.
And I've not been reading for really. But this was one where I'm like, I can't even
read for you right now. But right before this happens at home, they're giving Silva shit
about something and they're asking him how he, how he's doing. And he goes, Oh, Brooks
freaking out about her sous vide, whatever. And Silva goes, don't worry, bro, I still haven't stopped my lollipop ball. She goes, uh, what? Is it my only person who can't understand
a fucking person left in this cast today? He's like, can't you see how stressed out I am
right now? Children's like, yeah, me too. I am freaking out. Me too, Sheldon.
I wrote down in my notes, Ben will say,
Silva's dad was hot.
Did you write that in your name?
I did not, actually.
Silva was telling his story
about how his dad feels like.
My father feels like,
why would I struggle so hard to come here to so my
son can cook?
And I want to show him, look, I can also be on TV or whatever.
And they show the flashback to his dad picture.
Look at me going off like a fool again.
Look at me.
Look at me, not able to stop talking and laughing so crazily.
I can't control my emotions. Ha. So Padna's like, enjoy your day in your plugin, BMW, hybrid, supreme, Excel, Excel.
It's so much.
Jesus, make a longer name, BMW.
I know.
So, so during the judge, I'm during the, during, before we get to like the final
judging, I just want to make two comments about the food, it's
confolding to all of it. But basically, when Padma came, when
Padma Michael Voltagio came to Casey's station, they're like,
did you season this at all? Like Casey's like, well, yeah, I
seem to do a lot. And like, okay, I could have used a little more
assault. And so then I'd love to have judging, you know,
Casey gets so defensive. And she's like, I just just can't I can't believe that they would say it
needs more salt I mean I mean that's just not me that's not me what you got
that's not me that's not that's not Casey to give it up. Yeah even right after
they told her that she's like they are judging so hard I mean one grain of
salt that's what it's coming down to one grain of salt I That's what it's coming down to. One grain of salt. I'm like, no, you served
plain ass mayonnaise and crab on white bread and it had no flavor, Casey. Like I like that you're
trying to repeat just one grain of salt over and over. So it'll sound ridiculous. But we all know what
you mean. It's like, damn, they are judging so hard. I mean, if your crap is even over three days old, they will just
ding you for that.
And also, Casey had said earlier in this episode, she was talking about how she knows John
and how he's, he'll be really nice and then freak on you and he's got demons or whatever.
And she goes, I can tell you this much about John, is something goes wrong, not his fault.
But she's the same way.
Every time something happens,
she's like one grain of salt.
That's not even a real thing.
How could they say it under a season?
That's just not me.
That's not me.
It is you bitch.
It is.
Meanwhile, Shirley also had challenges, which is rare, but her issue is that she made her
lamb.
She caught her lamb too big and it was a little too rare, so it was difficult for people
to cut through it with plastic silverware.
This was an issue that Padma had, so when they questioned her at judging, they were like,
what do you think about the size of your lamb?
She was like, oh, well, I guess I'd take big bites.
So it was good for me.
I'd take big bites.
And then I was like, you expected me to put all of that lamb
into my mouth.
I mean, I'm not getting any closer.
It's really, really fast.
I love when Padma gets mad because that's always
about something like this.
It's like this size of that lamb bite.
What was I supposed to do with that?
Like she said it 20 times throughout the episode.
Like, well, that was really good,
but the size of that lamb, like,
Padma, you had someone making a sheet cake. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at least she didn't make me take an epic size. Brooke is so talented, but man,
some of her fugive sounds so rock.
I mean, so rancid to me.
She made trout row in egg yolk, grape.
That sounds delicious.
That sounds delicious.
You need to murder for this dish, Brooke.
She's like, I like to feed it to my son.
He's my family.
Like, well, great.
He just ate a million babies.
It never had a chance, Brooke.
I think it sounded so good.
I was like, wow, and Tom said, let me put it out there, it's the best breakfast dish
I've ever had in my life.
He's like, well, Brooke, another one with no enthusiasm.
She's like, thanks.
Well, oh, I just heard to me, by the way, to me Ronnie. You know we're talking about our top chef food food trip that we're gonna do we're gonna go to
Sure, please. Yeah, and then most the other one we're gonna go to
Brooks Brooks, we can also go to craft and go to Tom's restaurant. Oh
That's an expensive day. I know. I think we should make our rich friends do that. Okay next time okay, just save that up So next time we have a meeting
You so suckers. Yeah, I like that when brick served her thing a guy they cut to one of the normal people guests going
I'm I'm really disappointed in the egg yolk. I was like you are trash
Cut to a guy so like'm like, you're trash.
You have a problem with egg yolk, really?
Egg yolk is delicious.
So let's see.
I just kept writing Padma angry about lamb.
Padma angry.
I mean, would you believe it?
She can turn into like Luan.
Would you believe it?
She wanted me to have an entire piece of lamb and the top three's are pretty obvious they all love sheldon's uh...
trout in termis and they all love the barley tea thing yeah and they all love
silver's so they were like well but on the way out goes it's not even hard to
decide who's gonna go home it's harder to decide who's going to go home.
It's harder to decide who's going to win.
And I was like, oh, poor Lena, don't know.
Poor Lena, don't know.
We're there.
We're there.
We're there.
Faulty ice box cake.
The foolproof, literally that, I think that recipe is in InaGarance book foolproof.
You know what it is?
Because she talked about she, she's trying to get a coffee to go into the cake.
And what probably happened is it probably absorbed the coffee look her and then didn't take in the
I don't know I was gonna say it didn't take in the other stuff, but I you know, I don't know what I'm talking about
Yeah, I'm well Tom. They said it wasn't gross. Tom was like, you know the cake. It wasn't offensive
I mean that could be a group challenge restaurant or whatever someone has to make a dessert whatever
I'm not gonna be mad at the cake, but I mean she cake. It's a nice box cake. You know, it's a cake. It's a big cake. It's
a big cake. So those are the top three and the winner is Sheldon. Was it Sheldon? I thought
was silver. I mean, silver. I just wrote, sorry. It's like, wow. Yeah, apparently, it's like, oh, I'm dropping up and down right now.
This is unbelievable. I can't hold back the tears. I'm crying, right? My father will be
so disappointed at these subs. My official features are getting closer together, making me cuter and cuter. So this
was a all-girl bottom, which I hate when that happens, but they were just being city to
Shirley. Padma got her way with her lamb. They're like, okay, Padma, we'll put fucking
Shirley there for making a big bite. Thank you. That's all I ever wanted.
So they put surely in the bottom and Casey in the bottom.
One grain of salt and Emily.
And pretty obvious that was going to go.
Yes.
And it did.
And I'm poor Lena.
She's like, well, you know, I just wanted to do something good.
And I sure didn't want to let my dead grandpa down. I was like, that is not going to help you.
Yeah. Yeah. And so they were out. But let's see what else happened here.
She did leave with a good attitude. I like that Tom ended it with, well, we created great memories today.
And this was a really great time. And here's another great memory for me about to happen
Lena don't I'm pleased pack your knives and go and she's like well, you know, I'm
This is hard to swallow, but at least no one said it was shit on a plate
And you know what I've never had regrets. I'm a very positive person
So I'm just gonna go want to be positive. This will not devastate me for life.
Then Padma comes in, it's like let me just reiterate, your childhood did not live up to our expectations.
We did not appreciate it. We failed Uncle Gilbert. You're a big up-of-a-bite. Your childhood
was literally not even showing up on a spoon. Please leave. We, Thales Hirtel, did it with dry and boring,
and unremarkable.
Any ground father would be very sad.
There, did that help?
Yes, I feel terrible now.
Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up
on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.
I'm Matt Bellasife.
And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host
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about her laminated eyebrows.
It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.
But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon.
Despite both Selena and the Bieber's
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Um, so are you ready to move on, Bean?
Yeah, let's switch gears.
Let's head over from Charleston to Atlanta. These are really the craziest shows to recap back to back.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's a really odd mixture.
Yeah, we're pulling in two different audiences.
Yeah, I feel like we need to go outside and be some jumping jacks.
We're going from like, well, what do you think about the composition of a frozen trout?
Yeah, the Facaccia at Curtis Thone's restaurant to girl
To Porsche
Yeah, but I'm not ashamed of being an anger management
You literally wouldn't even admit it like two days ago. Yeah
Yeah, so real houses of Atlanta opens up with Porsche talking to her counselor, anger management.
And she's basically deliberating whether or not she's going to go on Fadre's glamping
trip that she's organizing.
They say she was like, listen, anger management guy, I was testing.
And then they show the clip of her fighting with the girls at that lunch and she goes, can you
go? Are you on medication and she goes, I in on no meditation? I was like, I love fucking
Porsche. I know, I really do. I hear that she is doing a good job on celebrity apprentice,
which I'm not watching, but I hear that she's from what I've been told by our friends,
that she messes up every challenge,
but then she gets into the boardroom
and she talks her way out of every situation.
Which is sort of what Kenya did on her season.
Oh, no, Kenya didn't talk herself out of anything
for very long because she got my Vivica Fox's Twitter.
Vivica Fox left her phone on the couch.
Kenya stole it and started tweeting like,
oh, this menopause is difficult.
That was amazing.
I forgot about that.
That was so great.
Oh, can you give it a go, Fox?
She could not even lie when Donald Trump was like,
well, who does that?
Like, did you do that?
She's like, no.
No, I didn't.
It's kind of funny to think about, like, you know,
because Donald Trump, I think, said that Kenya
was the worst apprentice like, contestant he Trump I think said that Kenya was the worst
Prentice like contestant he's ever seen that's like the president
It's kind of funny if you think about it. Yes, and he didn't even say contestant. He said you're the worst person
He's ever it was terrible what he said. He was like you're the worst person to ever walk through these doors
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh, I, I, you know, on the apprentice talent
trump was really great. I really wish you just for kept it right there. Stayed in that lane.
And not, you know, take it over the country.
Well, you know what, America, I know like half, half of America is freaking out right now,
but all we really need are better challenges.
Go on.
I am just I'm going to I'm going to reserve judgment until I understand where this is going.
No, that was it.
Like we need better team challenges to know, you know, how he's doing.
Yeah. See, here's the thing.
I would prefer it if Donald Trump spent less time doing controversial executive orders
that render part the fabric of the nation, and instead have members of Congress make silly videos
for like for breeze.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That we can all understand.
And then like the ghost of Joan Rivers comes out to help judge it.
And by the way, where is George?
Where is George good in Jordan?
Where is it Caroline or Caroline?
Caroline. Caroline.
Caroline and George, the original judges, bring them back.
George, where has George been during all this madness?
By the way, where is George?
How is George not our vice president right now?
That would actually make George better.
It's worked a long, hard time.
He needs to be the new chaining.
Like, hey, listen, he had Putin, you fucked up.
That's it.
I would feel so much better if George were the vice president.
Me too.
He would fix honestly everything,
because every time something goes away I wouldn't want.
I'd be like, you know what?
George's got it.
Guys, I can't be the only person feeling positive
about the next four years right now.
I'm so excited now.
I'm like, George, I feel like I'm gonna happen.
Someone tweet Donald Trump and ask him about George.
I feel like it's an idea away from happening.
It's like a little light bulb going up
in the head.
It would really fix all these issues.
It would.
That, and again, doing some sort of comic video
for a free or something like that.
Like you want an aid package from us?
I want to see the best commercial for an ice cream truck of a flavor. You know a bunch of be list, sea
list and deal list celebrities made up. There's team, there's team Senate and
team House of Reps and they each have to take over pizza parlor in New York and
get donations. Yes, every time you bring a build to the floor, you have to have like a presentation
and you have to pitch it with like celebrities and costume pieces. Yeah. Yeah. That you know
it. This honestly already makes me feel so much better. Oh, and there should be there should
be one thing where you have to make a mobile experience like like the like the house of reps
and then send it that each get a little trailer that they have to renovate and make it into experience to sell like Samsung TVs.
Yes, whoever can mix the best scent wins.
Paul Ryan's like, what does this actually have to do
with running the country?
I don't know, but it's fun.
I mean, think about how much effect
like someone like Paula Poundstone could bring.
You know, these people could change the world you can get the guy from like
poison yeah he could be up their pitch and she's changing the world you see
yeah I feel like if we had a printest Donald Trump and he had his conference
room and he had members of Congress in that conference room and he was sitting
there grilling them on TV holding the mechanical for things things they were doing I think that's actually something
the entire country would get behind. But it would always be the wrong thing.
He'd be like, well, I liked your bill, but yeah, you didn't bring in as much
money as the Goldman Sachs guy. You're out. You're fired. Yeah, it would be
something weird like the time he fired Chloe Kardashian because she had a DUI
on her record. Oh
My god, yes, she's like that is so not there. It's okay
That I think that's I feel like that's something that people would would be excited about like don't do don't like mess with the laws
Just just you know clean out the
just just you know clean out the annoying politicians who have just been there for years and are not there to help the country they're there to help their
careers. Pit them against each other put them in the boardroom fight it out fire
someone and then get the news and then kind of teen challenge and just
off them one by one. Yeah and then you'll have a leaner, meaner, better Congress and let them take care
of all the legislating.
But don't you?
Yeah, look at some of the winners of that.
So I mean, who wouldn't kill, I mean, she's dead now,
but who wouldn't kill the seed?
Joan Rivers take over for Nancy Pelosi, you know?
Yeah, yeah, Marley, I mean, Marley,
Mattlin, put Marley, Mattlin somewhere.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh my god, we don't think America. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God. We just didn't see America.
Yeah, but I would not put Brett,
what's the space from Poison.
I felt like he was not deserving.
Well, he should be in charge of health services
because you know he wants everybody to get abortion.
I guess I did.
That's true.
He would have to funny for planned parenthoods
and people's backyards.
Yeah, every, leave no child behind in terms of not having a bandana.
Yeah, like every disease can't be fixed at the same time,
but maybe hepatitis C.
We've got to work on it.
I don't even know how we can continue this.
We just fix the fucking country.
Thank you for listening to Watchroot Crapin!
We really did. We really did. So anyway,
while Porsche is talking to our counselor about anger management,
Fadre and Kenya are shopping during a camping shop, and they're looking for supplies.
And the question is, is Porsche gonna come on the glamping trip?
And that's what, that's what, it's cross-cutting between the two.
Is, and Porsche is wondering this herself.
They are wondering if she's coming.
And, you know, Kenya is doing her usual thing,
talking about how Porsche is so unpredictable.
And, Fadre's sort of defends Porsche, so that's notable.
She's defending her, but Fadre's doing that thing she always does
when she doesn't want to have a discussion. She's just saying, but Fadre is doing that thing she always does when she doesn't
want to have a discussion. She's just saying random things that don't make any sense. She's like,
oh girl, you're giving us some camel toe. And then it's like, okay, confrontation, confrontation.
And she's like, how bad if we go naked?
if we go naked, booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I didn't do no meditations. Jesus and the anger. Back over in the office, this is why crazy people should not go to therapy.
Because the therapist always just take their side, even though it's probably the wrong
side, and they don't really understand the whole situation.
Because Porsche is over there, and she's like, well, I went to lunch, and then before you
know it, a four foot lady came up to me
and sky finger my face and then i think
well now that sounds like you're being bullied
my please don't
but that into her head because now she thinks she's being bold yeah
exactly and candy was actually just responding
to portion because candy was trying to clear the air can do is trying to press
the reset button
and ask
sincerely how was your anger management going
and then the Porsche was going off
and then when she went off on Candy Candy,
she was like, oh, take that.
Porsche, can't be good,
pull it on me like that.
At one point in the sepus said Candyman.
Ah!
Oh yeah.
Ow.
Yeah, she, it's, I wrote it down, don't you worry. Don't you worry. We'll get to that. But yeah, she that she it's I wrote it down. Don't you worry?
Don't you worry. We'll get to that But yeah, so why isn't this anger management guy? I mean Porsche just sit and then this fourth-large lady came over
And why didn't he say now see that's not a nice way? Yeah, you should be talking about people and steady
He's like it sounds like you're being bullied and I was like this is not gonna end well
Especially when the cut behind him says 9-1-1. Yeah.
He's like, you have to think about your legacy.
So speaking about your, I think about your legacy.
She's like, he goes, you need to write down some positive intentions.
What did he say?
Something like that.
She's like, yeah, I, oh, so he can concentrate, so she can concentrate on whatever.
And she's like, yeah, I did that for Kenya, but I didn't do that for everybody else and I wasn't prepared for that
The legacy
legacy
so
So then speaking of mediators of the world Cynthia Bailey
Surprisingly shows up at a basketball court where a mat
is playing basketball and she wants to talk to him i'm thinking oh god what
what are you doing talking to this guy you're inserting yourself into the
situation and also he's crazy
she's crazy just steer clear dear steer clear
i know sentia doesn't even know how to shoot a season if she doesn't have a
man to be disappointed in. Yeah.
So she sits down and mad and she's like, well, I just want to know what's going on.
Where you think about things, I want to get your perspective so I can go back to Kenya and talk about some aspects.
She probably notepad in typical Cynthia style and he goes,
oh, you could be the bigger dope pad.
Look at all that.
And so then she's like, well, I don't want all the details, just at both points.
I'm like, oh, well, great mediating, huh? Not, don't want all the details. So he's like,
I just want respect and communication, you know, he's like, we don't see eye to eye. We,
we don't speak the same language. I'm like, yeah. So for instance, like her love language is roses
and chocolates, and your love language is breaking glass. Yeah, pretty much.
Also, if you say we need communication because we can never see eye to eye and speak different
languages, I think that means it's time to just date.
Yeah, I think it's called time to break up.
That's what that means.
Yeah, some things just don't need fixing.
They don't fit together properly, you know?
And he, of course, went into excuse mode.
He's like, would
I fear that she doesn't understand me? That's weird. We think start getting broken.
That's why we stop breaking things. I'm like, there's no we breaking things.
It's like he's he suddenly becomes Lisa Simpson in that episode of The Simpsons from decades
ago, where Lisa Simpson starts like doing like propellers with her arms. She's like,
well, I'm going to start walking.
And if you get in my way, you're going to get punched.
And that's basically what happens with him.
He gets angry.
His arm just starts swinging.
And if he hits a window, well, it's the windows fault.
And then of course, Cynthia is going to get punched in the face metaphorically by this
whole thing with this part because she's like, now, you know, this woman has her own issues. And, you know, she can be, she can be a bit much,
but if she's the drama queen, you the drama king. And I knew that that was just going to
come back to kick her in the ass later. And I don't even know why she needed to bring
that up with Kenya later. Like, you don't need to tell her that part. Yeah. Well, she's
going to see it anyway. I'm. I'm sure Matt loved it.
Matt's like, yeah, I am a king.
It's like, no, no.
Yeah, even your friends say that stuff about you.
Even your friends say it.
That was coming later.
Yeah, so then sometimes it's okay to just dump a guy.
Okay, guys.
So then meanwhile,
elsewhere in Atlanta, it's nighttime,
and Candy has, she has arranged a surprise white party for Shamia's
engagement and and
And so all so candy shows up and carmin's there and people are showing up one at one at a time and I sort of chuckled that Cynthia
Bailey showed up to the white party wearing olive and
The candy is like say no
white party wearing olive and the candy is like, see? No.
Cynthia.
I can't do it anymore.
Riley.
Cynthia.
Cynthia.
I have to do Riley first.
But she's like, oh.
I love she's like, you didn't get the memo?
You didn't get the memo?
And then he's like, no, I got the memo,
and then it cuts to a fish.
And the fish shakes its head.
Did you notice that?
No. A real fish.
It's yeah, it they they cut to a fish in a fish tank.
And then it gave like a dong dong music.
It went dong dong and the fish shook its head like girl.
Girl, even I'm wearing one.
I'm a fish.
Well, no one from the cast showed up in white and Saray made it worse
because she's like, she showed up in some other color.
And Candy's like, I guess she didn't get the memo
and she goes, she's like, girl, you son of a stat last night?
How many time?
How many time do you, time to get my white out of that, girl?
So, she, but then she's like made it worse
because in her diary room session
talking about this party, she isn't white.
It's like, you got a white outfit,
you just wouldn't wear it.
Yeah, well to be fair,
Shre does not have internet access and shout-out to Shre yet.
So she's not a little bit of a delay
until we're getting emails.
She's still on her old monorool of razor phone.
I didn't find that till this morning
when I was pooping at Starbucks.
You got A-Wall?
You got A-Wall?
Yeah, Marlow showed up also.
America is on my Starbucks.
Wait and poop.
You know what I say?
I'm a prodigy.
That's why I use prodigy.
So the, Simea shows up looking gorgeous, of course.
And then she looked like, I want to dance to somebody
with New Houston.
Yeah, she looked really pretty.
And everybody, of course, the conversation immediately
turns to wears Porsche.
And Shameesh starts crying when she finds out
she's not coming.
So, this is where it can be.
You know that Porsche loves you.
And maybe she just didn't want drama on your day.
And then she already tells us, this is not the right time to bring up you know everything to
Portia let Pedro say about Shamia which she doesn't like five minutes yeah this
is also when because when they're talking about Portia not being know this is one
candy gets really sing something she's like well if Portia feels like she doesn't
want to come to a best friend the gauge and body because of me
Okay
So let's see think upstairs and
So on the heels of on the heels of
Shrebe like this isn't the good time to bring things up
They go upstairs and Shre is like you're like, this isn't the good time to bring things up. They go to the airs and Shrebe's like, well, speaking of Pedro, her exact words was,
she may have fucked everybody's husband and not Atlanta.
I love Shrebe.
I'm engaged with her.
I'm engaged with her accent because she's like, well, if that was true, I would have
fucked Apollo because trust me, that chance was there.
And if she wants to talk about word on the street, I can tell her about word on the street.
I still love that it's word on the street. I know. And then I have the Shrebe. And then they go, where is about word on the street, I can tell her about word on the street. I still love that it's word on the street.
I know.
And then I have the tree.
And then they go, what is the word on the street?
Is that she's asking?
Yeah.
Someone will make a good gift of that.
Oh, yeah.
Just like full on noises along with it.
Yeah.
So now Shemia gets mad because, you know,
I mean, Shreya is the biggest gossip of the season.
And basically, Shreya gets mad because Shreya is the biggest gossip of the season.
And basically Shreya tells Shemia that when Fadra said these rumors, Porsha was right there
and said nothing.
And we saw video evidence of that, about 12 more times during this episode that Porsha
just sat there quietly.
And Shemia got mad rightfully so because when Shemiya Shiree and Porsche were talking about
Fadre and in another scene earlier this season, Porsche got all feisty and started defending
Fadre. So Shemiya is feeling like, wow, Porsche is going to stand up for Fadre, but she's
not going to stand up for me. And we're lifelong friends of a decade.
Oh, Lord.
Typical house, so I was fine. I know. But I like that candy was like look I don't want to discuss
Porsche I mean Fadre. Girl that right now they're the same thing to me. Yeah I always mess up their names too. Yeah me too. See now
Fadre, Porsche. So Sharaz got Shamiya pissed now and Shamiya is like, well, all right, I'm going to hit her.
And they're like, whoa, don't hit her. Don't hit her. It's like, up. I mean, hit her up. Hit her up.
I can't. Sharrae is like, don't hit her girl. Do not hit her girl. We got enough of that.
So Kenya brings her dogs to shit and Cynthia's yard at her new lake house. And Cynthia is inside pretending she understands the tape measure.
I'm going to measure a cabinet right now.
Why?
Yeah, I know.
That's why I did. Cynthia is measuring things.
She's waiting for a new kitchen island to arrive, so she'll feel more comfortable.
She's like, well, get nothing to stand around.
So I guess I'll just measure things and see the relative length of things next to the other things.
Isn't it crazy?
Have this can roll up, but it can also say straight.
I mean, these are wooden invention.
Most exciting thing is when I press that button it rolled up real fast.
Look, Kenya's dogs are trying to find somewhere to poop and since he's like excuse me and Keny goes
I didn't see a sign. So basically they go down to the dock and by the way I love when they get down to the dock by the lake
Kenny is like yes
Don't twirl into the don't twirl into the lake girl. Yeah, that was it
By the way, there's something about that lake that has me nervous. I feel like there's some brain eating amoeba in there
Yeah, that is some neon green lake water. Like there's some scary monster, like a weird crocodile
that's gonna come out and go after Betty White
or something in there.
Yeah, that is, yeah, it's like toxic waste.
And did you notice that there were dots but no boats?
Like there's something creepy going on in this place.
Yeah.
So Kenya basically is like, so you talk to Matt,
how'd that go?
And Kenya being delusional ask Kenya just thinks everybody's gonna go yell at Matt
for her since he won't pick up the phone when she's calling right now, which is not really
how that works.
Yeah.
Kenya.
So Cynthia tells the story and she's like, well, basically, you know, I was saying that's
not good that you act like that.
And I get that she's a she's dramatic too, but you guys need to find a way to communicate.
And she's like, you think I, oh, so it's my fault now.
She's like, no, no, I'm just, it's just that he thinks that his reactions are based
on your actions, what can he goes?
Does that sound like a same person?
Same person?
Because that's some straight up bullshit.
I'm like, well, actually actions actions, like literally do have reactions.
Yeah, exactly.
But also, they teach at school.
But also, you just called him insane.
So this should be the end of the discussion.
You're just not going to date him anymore
and you're going to move on.
So there, that should be it.
But instead, you're also giving him a defense
and court if he ever kills you.
Yeah, it's like we have her saying he's insane 20 damn times.
Not guilty.
So then you know, and Cynthia is like, well, you know, I said, like, you know, you can be
dramatic, but then so could he.
And she's like, what?
She's like, I am sick, I'm tired of people blaming their bad behavior on me.
I'm like, well, if people keep blaming
their bad behavior on you,
maybe you should realize that you're the common denominator here.
It's not about blaming the victim,
but maybe think about what you're contributing
to these situations that happen over and over
and over and over and over again, Kenya.
Yeah, when you're constantly trying to trigger people
and make them lose their shit on purpose,
that's called being an accessory.
I watch Law and Order and you would go to jail for that
if anybody committed a crime based on shit that you did.
Yeah, so Kenya really resents being called dramatic
and she doesn't even let Cynthia finish
and Cynthia's like, no, I was defending you
and she, Kenya's like, no, you know, that's not true.
That's not true, Cynthia, I hate that. Why would you call me dramatic as she gets up and
Storms off. I don't know why I don't know where this dramatic thing came from. What a strange concept. I know Cynthia's like
She's mad because I said she was a drama queen and that she's being dramatic what made? Yeah, I just
Yeah, I just wrote it to me. I
wrote at the end of the scene your fault and then under that I wrote the tits on the show are
Really out of control right now. I asked this to oh my god and I usually don't even look at those things
I don't care, but man the boobs on this show are just insane. It's yeah, it's like a weird new thing
They all look weird and like plastic,
like they don't even move.
It's awkward.
It's awkward to look at one after the other.
I'm like, you all, you're gonna be like
the real Scoliosis housewives,
you're all gonna be all bent over in pain.
Yeah, it's gonna hurt. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so and Porsche. Yeah, Shamea and Porsche. Porsche's got like a sort of like a 1997 wig going on.
Try wasn't mad at.
Yeah, they basically just have a discussion.
You know, Shamea's hurting upset that she didn't come
and Porsche refuses to apologize.
She's basically like, well, I'm sorry,
I hurt your feelings, but I just didn't go
because candy's mean and that's it.
But then it gets Shamea confronts her about all the stuff that she's hearing.
And she's like,
Well, I don't remember that.
I don't remember anybody ever saying that stuff.
She pulls a folder each.
Yes, she does.
But she at least said,
I don't remember that specifics,
but you both sing in mud and you sing it first.
Which I like that she at least
Stopped it there because Shemia did come in swinging really everybody trying to get a spot
Yeah, and porcise like I love you, but let's not pretend you're all innocent here
Which is basically the scene we just saw before this yeah, and well, and also the other thing is that I think the reason why
Porsche chimed in about
Fadre is that Portia is feeling some sort of way about Candy and so Fadre has been her ally in that.
And so when Shemia goes after Fadre for her it's like, you know, I guess she feels more inspired to
stand up for it. But either way, I did love that when, Shamiya warned Portia about Fadra.
Saying watch out for your new friend.
They show a flashback of Fadra being shady to Portia.
And Fadra's like, Portia's got a very small head.
Small heads mean small brains.
And then Portia goes,
well, I don't know what to say about this glamping trip
because last time I was around these girls,
it was totally toxic.
So speaking of the glamping,
it's now glamping day.
And Kenya and Shirei are putting out rival pre-glamping spreads.
So Kenya puts out a very lovely spread in her
kitchen and they got to Shirei and she's got like a fold out carpenter's table or
something like that with some stuff from Albertsons. It's still in the plastic. It was so
janky. Kenya said, I entertain with class and like Shato Shirei or Shato Shirei do a
shit over there. And you know, she outclasses her
by putting some vegetables from Ralph's out
and then a tray of cut up subway sandwiches.
But I mean, compared to Sheree's bread,
it was a lot better.
It was.
She also had better looking brownies.
But then, so at Sheree's, Marlow shows up
because Sheree invited Marlow.
Marlow is dressed in this like ridiculous camouflage body suits like head to toe with a big
Heavy Naomi Campbell wig and she just sort of looked
Uphurst that matches the cuffs on her outfit. It looked absolutely
Yeah, what's up girl? We're going glamping because you know I got things to say about lamp and I'm like, okay, jolly green.
Yeah, have a seat.
Yeah.
And then meanwhile, Kenya Cynthia shows up there.
Hey, sorry guys, sorry guys.
Of course I'm finding Marla.
She's the epitome of glam.
I'm like, oh, the epitome of glam.
It's like you look at Marla and you're like, yep, there's a lady with nice clothes who
shits in the woods.
She's neither glamorous nor campy.
So I don't understand how she's dependent on me of glam,
but okay.
So then over at Cynthia's house,
I'm sorry, Kenya's house, Cynthia shows up,
and they like clear the air from their little dust up,
and then Kenya's doing this,
holding all this stuff over Cynthia
because she's saying how the way Cynthia
had downgraded their relationship last year once when Nini came back into picture. And so it can be like, I
just hope that moving forward, we don't have to have this conversation again. I'm like,
bitch, you're the one who brings it up. You're the one who's taking it's about.
Yeah. So basically all the girls come over. It's a weird split because now they're gonna all be bad
about who's who's house before the trip.
So Fadra goes over to Sheree's house
and Portia's all pissed off because, wait, no.
Portia was at Sheree's house.
Yeah, Fadra went to the other house to Kenyans house.
And she's like, where's Frak?
Are they Frak and Wack now?
But I even loved more was that when Porsche showed up with her sister Lauren and they
And she's like she wants to go inside and she's like no, no, no, like you can't go inside till it's ready
And Porsche's like girl, are we having a house warming outside?
So then Porsche I don't want you to choke on dust when you try and eat my muffins from the grocery store.
So then Portia confronts Cherey about all her gossiping and Cherey's defense is like, girl,
I can't help myself. Yeah, I have to know me. And then Cherey says, well, you know, because you said
someone's you said this behind this back so So I thought you should know this. It was some excuse.
She said, I will not stop speaking because these women need to learn not to speak behind
each other's back.
Oh, okay.
So you're doing this for everybody else.
What a giver.
You're talking behind everyone's back.
So people learn to stop talking behind everyone's back.
Okay.
I got it.
That is so real housewives.
Yeah.
So, um, so let's's see so candy and hazel we didn't talk about hazel but hazel's like the new friend of who who showed up at the engagement party
Candy and hazel show up at Kenya's
Yeah, now this is when Porsche is getting mad that frack. She's lost her frack the fracked her frick
and so
So then they all they all pile into this bus eventually.
That's going to take them to the glamping site.
And while they're all there, Marlow starts just yapping.
She's talking about like, I guess at the campfire, she's going to have an
ask Marlow moment.
Like you can ask me.
I think she thought it was the camp from last week.
I think she thought they were on their way to that like children who need
a lot of camp. She was like, you know, she way to that like children's, who need a bottle cap.
She was like, you know, she was going on
and she's like, you can ask about men,
you can ask about fashion, you can ask me this and that.
And Hazel just turns the Kenyans like,
why are we asking her?
And so Marla, so then, you know, of course,
Kenyar repeats the same thing.
Marla was like, because I have fashion sense.
Why think I'm new?
She's like, oh, okay, I was just asking why.
I just didn't, you know, I don't know you.
And she goes, just like if it was a good skin camp,
then maybe I would ask you,
because you have a lovely complexion.
Azo's like, uh, thank you.
I'm like, Marlow, don't say that you're fashion forward
when you are wearing your Naomi wig.
You're dressed in like a Destiny's Child survivor pant suit.
And then you're wearing like a King Tut necklace,
okay, that's not, yeah.
Like you're just like a hodgepodge
of non-glamping friendly out things happening right now.
Oh, Marla.
So I really liked that this new girl, Hazel,
she's setting her sights appropriately
because she's not gonna come on the show
and immediately try and take down Kenya.
You know, she's like, I'll take down Marla first.
Yeah, low-hanging fruit,
which is ironically the tallest thing there.
Yes, because you need as many takedowns
as you can to get a spot.
Yeah.
Take out the small ones first.
Eventually, one of the other ones
will do something legit, obnoxious,
that you can go after them for.
Yeah, exactly.
So Kenya is furious for whatever reason that Porsche has brought her sister who Lauren
is like the sweetest, slightly more talkative now.
I mean, she doesn't do anything.
I don't know why anybody would mind her being there.
She's basically just like Rolls-Royze or whatever, but she is, Kenya is really mad.
And she's like, oh, what?
You need an emotional support dog.
Well, I don't appreciate it.
You know, she's going off for no reason already trying
to make Porsche Leezer set.
And poor Porsche is not going to be able to keep it in.
Already, because she's like, I'm an Inga management.
And I brought a doctor's note.
It says, please stop bullying in Porsche.
Here is her sister who deserves to be on
this trip because bullies and Kenya's like, I do not
appreciate that. You know, Ken, Kenia's already making
this into a huge deal. And I love Kenya, irrational
anger because she just looks dumber and dumber and
she's been coming off way too good this season. I think
yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Um. Yeah, they were just like, I mean, Porsche is trying to just,
you know, explain her anger management and they are, they are coming at her so hard and
I kind of felt bad for Porsche because she's just trying to explain her side and even candy,
you know, we've always been defending Candy.
That Candy only reacts when someone comes for her.
But even in this case, Portia was like, she's like, I felt like I was being condescended
to him and Candy's like, see, nah, that word, don't use it.
I was like, Candy, come on now.
She's allowed to say she felt condescended to because Candy was condescending to her.
Yeah.
Well, they all start giving her shit about her anger management and blah, blah, blah.
And then Kenya almost loses it, which I mean, not Kenya.
Porsche almost loses it because Kenya is like, well, that's some bullshit.
And she goes, stop using the word attack and Porsche is like, well, you sound angry.
You would know, yeah, I sound angry. Just you would know.
Yeah, I do know. And I see it in you.
And I was like, Oh, good.
Burner.
Yeah.
Roar into the fire.
Yeah.
And that was basically like the cliffhanger like, we'll Porsche
explode when they go glamping.
Who knows?
I don't think she'll even have a chance because Marlo and, and Hazel,
they've got all these new hoops lining up now.
Yeah they really loaded up this camping trip.
There's so many people on the trip.
I mean where's Bob Woodfield?
I'm surprised he wasn't driving the bus.
Oh he might show up.
You never know with this show.
Yeah that's true.
So there we go.
We did it.
We did it.
We did it.
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Thanks for listening.
And we'll be back tomorrow to talk Vanderpump rules.
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