Watch What Crappens - #381 PumpRules: Wiggy Pie Ambush

Episode Date: February 1, 2017

James almost gets to play victim on this week’s Vanderpump Rules but ruins it with good ole fashioned misogyny and pie references. There’s no saving that kid. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Also, check out Ronnie’s new TrashTalkTV RHOBH Audiobook podcast at tttv.podbean.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Good is it like dirty plum It probably is called dirty plum Katie was really trying too hard. She's like do they just have purple telling purple how about that Everybody thank you so much for joining us for another podcast day here over at watch what crappens You can you know we already said where you can find us and all that. Do it. Our bonus episode this week is so much fun. Matt Whitfield from Yahoo, who was our guest last week for something, Beverly Hills. Yeah. Stayed for an extra hour and talked about the Oscars and lots of other gossipy stuff. But the Oscar section is really, really good.

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we're going to have our first listener spotlight. Yeah, Ben has left a message for you that says, you're going to New Orleans, whether you like it or not, because I know everything. So this, this episode of Vanderpromp rules is called The Ambush, which it really was mad that people on this show, some of these people are just the lowest fucking forms of humanity and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah, I went back and forth a lot this episode on whose team I was at any given moment on some of these scenes. It was really amazing.

Yes, it really was a great show. So let's just start right over. Well actually, before we start, I have to say I was watching live and I saw a bit of what happens live. And James was on and he performed at the end. And wow, James. And Andy, of course, is so respectful. He's like, the white Kanye West people. And then he anyway. So James gets up there. I have to say James, he performs like he's five years old. And his mom is like, sing for the family, honey. Sing for the family. He's like, no, mom, I don't want to. He's like, yeah, you're going to do it. Isn't he great? And he's like really nervous, you know? And he's he's smiling really big the whole time.

Like just smile honey, smile, still it, still it. It's rap, it's rap. You aren't supposed to be smiling that big in rap. So he was smiling and kind of bowing his head and doing these weird, it's so British. Doing these like hand gestures,

you know, where he's trying to be like, what, what, what, what, but it was like, I don't know He was trying to roll a bike with his hands. It was so awkward and sad. It made me Not want to hug him. I don't know, but it made me Yeah, maybe hitting it If it's not his thing and make him never wrap again But also fill the void in his heart I was going to write down the lyrics, but I mean come void in his heart. I was going to run.

Yeah, I was going to write down the lyrics, but I mean, come on, they were really fast. And I'm not spending that much time on that shit, but I will say wiki wiki wiki, wiki girl, girl, yeah, yeah, yeah, grippy is your three beats. You'll just call me. The three would you like a piece of this pie? I'm not pie. Why am I saying pie so much but I'm saying pie so much.

Because I'm pie, pie, pie. Is there almost... It's today, March 13th. Today, March 14th, because that's international pie, day, pie, pie, pie. PIE, PIE, PIE, PIE, PIE. FEELING YOU, I'm FEELING YOU. REMIXING, PIE, WITH PIE,

REMIXING, PIE, WITH P pie. Lala pie. What is pie? Pie pie. Thank you for listening very much my bitches. What are you doing? It ain't no lie baby pie pie pie He rhymed something with Prius, okay, I wrote I wrote LOL he rhymed something with Prius, which is just Okay, I wrote I wrote LOL he run something with Prius which is just so LA free us free us from the pre us and then he kept going He kept going with the Prius rhyme rant. So he's like I drive a pee pre yes, but about a not a bus something something smile on us and good God I hate pass. I'm like you just said You hate pass in a rhyme to friends my favorite player is equas I wanted to get a little something to peel to run his theater crane there. I got him Musicals now when they make do they have a musical of equis?

No, I think it's just I think it's a player. I actually never saw it. He's hung like a horse and I can't forget him. Okay there. Equus the musical. pretend I was Harry Potter playing that role. Great power ballad. Thank you. Wow. So all sing as much of that power ballad as I will of James' song, which means that's over. But hey, at least I didn't rhyme anything with pus. So.

Anyway, so I'm sorry, I actually am truly sorry I missed that performance. And you did actually warn me that it was coming on, but I still missed it. Instead, we start the episode with Lisa van der Pumpen, Villa Blanca. Darling, I work so much. If I'm not taking flowers to a restaurant, I'm checking my Twitter as a table in the other restaurant waiting for Sheena to come in and tell me some god-awful stupid thing that one cares about. Or I'm talking in front of a refrigerator to make sure that my staff is emotionally on

kids. Okay, Lisa. Listen all her job skills. Yes. So Lisa is, she's brought in Tom and Ariana to Villa Blanca to teach them about some cocktails and exologies. That's the way that a blonde girl can do cocktails. The way pump and so do them. Cosmos, Apple Martinez, Apple Cosmos.

Wesley, Wesley, let's talk about the color of the pump teeny, darling. I prefer a darker color. And then Tom's like, well, they have like different colored cranberry juice there. Like, Tom, nothing don't. Cranberry juice is literally all the same color, but. Thanks for being here.

They have cranberry cocktail, real cranberry juice. So it's like, ah. It's not what's funny, though, that Lisa's like, I'd like the pink to match this one. A bit deeper. A bit deeper pink. I'm like, that means it's a, it's a weaker drink. So she's, so then it's like mix salogy, mix salogy, mix salogy, muddle, muddle, muddle. So Tom mentions, Tom brings someone brings up James and Tom's, Tom's like,

oh, yeah, we're going to be taking James to hit an a therapy. So cool, bro. And Lisa's like, uh, yes, he, he just, I don't know that he needs hypnotherapy, darling, you know, he just needs to not drink. That's it. It's not, it's not him to therapy. Uh, I'd be better present. It's a drink. That's it. Jerry. It's like pretty much as sort of on board with Lisa was saying, I'm not against hypnotherapy, but I'm like, I don't know. I think isn't this Occam's razor, the simplest solutions that use us. Is that what is that?

Occam's razor or am I set a different razor? Um, but either way, I'm also a. However, I'm on, I am on board because I am very excited to see James getting hypnotized. So, you know, I'm so okay with it. Jay, oh, God, I can't wait till we get to that part. So Wesley's like, yeah, I know James, he comes in sometimes and Lisa's like, don't over serve him Wesley. I'll find you. And he's like, oh no, it's never been a problem. She goes, wait, how many times have you seen him there? And he's like, uh, just once. Because I'm not supposed to be going into places. I love that James just goes in and balls

wherever. He's like, yeah, it's right. Give me a shock, darling. Give me a shock, girl. I have to come to Villa Blanca so that way I can get away from all those jealous groupies. They don't know about Beverly Hills. So nice. Can I have a chaser with that? No, not a chaser, not a female chaser. I've got enough of those. The account of Storp, oh, those jealous groupies. Oh, it's hanging around with lounge DJs, such groupies. I'm coming in giant door man, please block the flow of groupies following Oh, it's hanging around with lounge DJs, such groupies. I'm coming in giant

door man, please block the flow of groupies following me in here. Girl, please remind me not to spit on the door. That's how they know our aim at all times. I show up on blue light of a lot of groupie doors. My hair is just too pifically combed but I'm just stay away. Oh my god. I mean look at this British guy with pithic hair. Oh my god. I'm so bad. I die. Yeah. I know. So we're James is getting this because he goes to lunch with his mom who is just fucking terrifying. I mean this woman is fatally terrifying. She's as terrifying on the outside as she is on the in, which is really, this is bad terrifying. We've seen her once or twice before and in the past, she's always been, you know, sort of nice and, you know, she sort of seems fine, but now she's gotten a little bit of the fame bug. So she's done some stuff to her appearance and she's just

basically turned into a giant cut fitness. I'm wondering if James ever goes home and feels bad that he cannot have a relationship with a woman who doesn't immediately start mingling their face whenever he's around them. It's like, is it me? Was my hair too perfect, girl? Good.

So she's like, so James, what's going on? She's like, well, a lot of things things make pie a lot of slices make a whole pie You know what I mean? I feel like Lisa has enough slices so like I got pieed from certain pump like that makes no sense So I mean you ate some food I thought I was missing a part because it kept skipping you know I was watching it on bravo life and it kept skipping like sometimes little repeat parts I'm like did I miss something in the scene? It was like, hope pie, pieces of pie, there's pecan pie, there's lemon meringue pie.

For example, you know, I would be a thin mint pie. You ever had that mum? Quite delicious. Also, like they asked, I've been a thin mint ice cream pie mum. Hey mum, you ever see the great British baking show and they have to make pies? I know it's sometimes they make a meringue on top of the pie and some do a field pie. I'm just sort of like a field pie with a meringue on it. What does this have to do with anything? I don't really know. I just know I've got perfectly meringue hair.

I got pied from pump. She's like, uh, are you rapping again? Could you just tell me what's going on? I was like, I lost my job, mum. She's like, oh no. Where else will you find a job as a bus boy with an iPod? How could you let that go, James? And he's like, well, I got fod because I kissed in the restaurant.

And she's like, well, that's just because people are jealous. I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah. You were such an enabler. Yeah, she's like, at the end of the day, people are just jealous at you. And then she wipes her coke nose. She's like, yeah, people are just jealous, James. And I was like, this kid does not have a chance.

If this is the hamster he crawled out of. You know what I mean? You know that that's one of the ones who almost got his head-eat-muff head. Some little kid not yanked it out of that wood chip cage. Well, if she was feeling nervous, no need because James informed her that he not only has a residency, but it's going to be performing at the residency, you know, some of school with James Kennedy darling,

baby. She's like, well, you're going to school and you're gonna be a doctor. Oh my god, now you'll know doctors. God, your dad's an asshole. I cannot wait to fuck a doctor. It's like, no, mom, it's a hotel. I'll fuck them in the hotel then you get free rooms there I was like what kind of woman are you you're disgusting? So then James is starting about Raquel and how he just thinks that she's wonderful and the mom goes Raquel I do like that Raquel, you, a light shines from inside. I'm like, I know you got it wrong.

I think it's the lights are on, but no one's home. Yeah, exactly. She shines from inside like a luminario, you know, or one of those empty pumpkins Halloween. Yeah, like I don't like one of those like one of those like electric electric pumpkins where you're like, well, there's light coming from that pumpkin, but it feels empty and sad Lacks charm. He's like, yes, they're charming for the holiday and then they start rotting and you throw them up

Get someone's home. Hey, mom. She's like, oh, that's where the days kid So um a clip of I miss you. I this the James relationship, but they're like isn't this romantic? I'm like, I'll miss you darling. She's like, oh, I miss you. I the James relationship, but they're like isn't this romantic? I'm like I miss you darling And she's like, I miss you She talks like that And he tells us I could bring model to him every night before I wanted to what model trains name one fucking model You brought home James one hand models

I only sleep with gooseiz, who are the best hans. My accent is so messed up right now. I can't tell you something. Real house is a Melbourne. Has that a lasting effect on me? I can not do British accents anymore. I'm like, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee. Giz.

Well, we're getting to pump rules after a lot of other recaps. So a lot of voices coming together. In general, my my British accent is fuck these days. It is good. It's fucked good. Yeah, I used to be able to do a real one, but I don't feel like anybody on Bravo ever uses a real one. They all sound like a different kind of fake. Yeah. But so James, nevertheless, is he's talking about how Ellie and Kristen, and he's talking about Kristen about how going around saying that James has been cheating, right? Is that what White Kristen's name came up?

Yeah, he brings up Kristen, basically, that all these people are after him, including Kristen. And she's like, oh, God, Kristen, she needs to get a life. God, she's gonna have terrible karma. And you know what, her karma is gonna be? She won't be able to have kids Probably Baron. I mean that's bitchy, but you know, it will be her karma. I was like God damn You are you know, we make fun of we make fun of Kristen but That's like a difference between making fun of Kristen and then just being full on nasty like and saying like

People who are barren, it's their karma because they did something bad. I mean, this woman is a cut fitness. You know what, lady? Your karma is sitting right across from you. You're about to buy it lunch. Yeah, exactly, exactly. No, this is one of the only shows on TV

where we meet the mothers and we just hate their guts. I mean, every other bravo show, you meet the mothers mothers and it's like they're amazing, they're hilarious. And on this show you've got her and Brittany's idiot mother. And then you also got Stasi's mom, Katie, Katie's mom is like whatever, Jackson's mom that, yeah, does that all around? Yeah, disaster all are actually Jackson's mom. Jackson's mom is the only good mother I've seen on this show because at least she's like oh Jackson how much she's still in today from the restaurant yeah she just looks exhausted she's just happy that she's been able

to spend a few years without him in the house causing who knows what yeah but yeah I mean I would be exhausted too but luckily you know what what you know happens to me running when I get exhausted What happens man? I could just lie down on my cast for mattress. Oh girl. Yes. You actually do have a cast for mattress Yes, and that mattress so much you actually went out and you bought yourself a damn cast for mattress. I did I really really did. People don't, I don't know if people believe me, but I bought myself a mattress, and furthermore, I actually inspired my friend Katie to buy the mattress, and I'm rather than me doing my typical testimony, testimonial for this wonderful, wonderful mattress, my friend Katie got one and I emailed her and I was like, so how is the cast working out? Because I feel like an sense of obligation. If someone buys a mattress because of me and then they don't like it

I feel bad. So I asked Katie What she thinks the mattress and she emailed me and this is what she said She said so I've had three nights with the Casper and three nights of uninterrupted sleep This is the first time in months if not years that I've slept for more than three consecutive hours So so so happy so, so, happy. Oh my God, that's like a real commercial. I love it. It was. And that's from like my friend. It's not like a, that's not, that's real. That's real. Well, it should be because an in-house team of engineers spent thousands of hours developing that Casper mattress. It's supportive memory foam

for a sleep surface that's got just the right sink and just the right bounce. Plus, it's breathable design sleep's cool to help you regulate your temperature through the night. Yeah. You know, the other thing is that casper's are soups convenient. Biomatrous, a caster mattress is completely risk free. They offer free delivery and free returns with a hundred night home trial. And if you don't love it, they'll pick it up and refund you everything girl. Girl. Casper understands the importance of truly sleep, sleep, sleeping on a mattress before you commit,

mate, mate, especially considering you can spend a third of it, a third of your pie, of your life on it. Yeah, the Casper is obsessive the engineered mattress, almost as obsessive as my grippy fans, and they're a shockingly fair price, just like Kristen is so cheap. There's supportive memory foam to create an award winning sleep, sleep, sleep,

sleep surface with just right amount of sink and just right amount of bounce. You always feel like you're being hugged by someone who just wants to be with you. Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy. Time magazine named it one of the best inventions of 2015 girl. Free shipping and returns to US and Canada girl. Try Casper for a 100 night's risk free in your own home, home, home. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up and refund you everything. Yeah girl, so if you want to be a groupie with me and Mr. Casper mattress, you now have to do a listen, use our code, which is www.casper.com slash crepins. Oh hell, yeah, use that code and you mattress purchase a dollas a uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh So it's such a groupie. Like no, she just really wanted a good night's sleep actually. She's just exhausted.

Have you seen Ellie? She's exhausted and she has an old mattress with broken springs. Just let her sleep on your Casper mattress. Totally. Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, Casper. Casper. So back to this lovely show and speaking of moms that are...

Questionable. Piles of DONE. This mother, you know what, look, I understand that everybody has... Being a gay person and especially being a gay person from a very Christian family, I get it and I don't expect everybody to automatically get on the same train and just be like, well, everything is great. Gay people are great now.

I understand that it's conditioning and it takes time and blah, blah, blah. And I was raised the same way. I don't hate my parents. They thought that stuff. They don't think it anymore just because they've had to go to musicals and learn other gay things because of me. So I don't expect everybody to suddenly be like, oh, it's, it's great. Being great. Gay is great. But this woman is really on my last fucking nerves. You've got

some slutty daughter who went to LA because of some Instagram post DMing some guy with his dick. And you know, he sent plenty of dick picks. Then she's all slutting it up in LA on some damn TV show. Not by the way to be fair every time Bertine received a dick pick from Jack she probably thought it was just images of broccoli. No, she wouldn't have liked it. She would have actually had to think it was a hot dog. Like this guy gets me, he's sending me hot dogs.

I mean, if he's already sending me hot dogs, what's he gonna send me when we're married, ma? She's like, yeah, that's right honey. You go over there and you get knocked up. Sorry, I interrupted you. You go on. Oh, no, I just kept talking anyway. I didn't. You're renting. You're renting about this lady. Oh, no, that's it. That's all I had to say. Like I get it. I get it. But she's making an ass out of herself on TV. And I can only imagine if this woman has a Twitter and what's happening on that Twitter right now because she's kind of terrible. Yeah, because of Jack's done so many awful things and the least awful thing is being involved in a gay rumor and this is the thing that's bothering her the most and it just

it's like really aren't you more concerned about his fidelity isn't isn't that really an issue the fact that he'd like knocks up a girl in in Vegas and that this is a repeated pattern. Aren't isn't that the bigger red flag? We're stealing. We're always being in jail and currently being on probation. I mean, I get that stuff some more normal in your neighborhood, but still. I mean, come on. How about the fact that he acts like a total asshole in your presence?

I would be mortified. I don't think I would even be able to stay With someone if they acted like that in front of my parents. I would be like the lack of the lack of respect Is so profoundly awful that I would realize that this is not some I could ever spend my life with yeah She's just she's an idiot, but you know, but whatever Who you are lady you'll come around. We'll find you the smartest one in the room. Let me tell you something because they, oh, it's not much in this room.

Yeah, because they think that's my point, because they, you know, she's packing up and Jack's, Jack's walks in with groceries and he's like, yeah, we're gonna go in a health kick, no more junk food. And as he says that, he's literally playing out the bag of Tastitos from the grocery bag. That was the best.

We're gonna get healthy again. Pulls up chips so funny. It's like it's corn. What is corn? And his mom, when she was packing and talking to Brittany, she's like, oh, honey, you know, the step from that from that at roast dinner, whatever, you know, I never did get my barbecue at that party, but whatever, the things that they said, I get

that they did that all that he did that all before you, but whatever, the things that they said, I get that they did that all, that he did that all before you, but just, just make sure you don't get AIDS. That's all, that's all I'll just, you know, non-Ate hugs. Like, just fish. And Brits like, well, he has, at least he hadn't cheated on me yet. Oh my god, these two. Yeah. So I would them every hour except for those 12 hours I'm not with him. Yeah, exactly. Like,

where was he right now? No, we know. Britt. Britt. He also is telling us why, you know, she's just from a small place and man, mom, pop on every drink of sip in their lives. And if these things about Jack's were true, my mom would

want me to come home. I'm like they're true. They're true. Like no one's even denying anything's true. Yeah, exactly. And then, you know, Jack gets riled up and he starts snapping at Sherry and snapping at Brnie. I feel like I'm being attacked.

Why am I always being attacked? Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, he storms out. And as he storms out, he says that he's like, Brnie has been sitting on a couch for a year and that he's been taking care of her. I'm like, you know, he is a pig. And when he walks out, he says that he's like, Brittany has been sitting on a couch for a year and that he's been taking care of her. I'm like, you know, he is a pig. And when he walks out of the room,

the first thing the mother should have said is, Brittany, you need to break up with that man. That is totally disrespectful. But instead she's just like, oh, this is uncomfortable. It's like, where is your maternal instinct to protect your daughter, woman? Yeah, and you're also uncomfortable

because that couch is made out of plywood or some shit. Like, first of all. And then when he's leaving, woman. Yeah, and you're also uncomfortable because that couch has made out a plywood or some shit. Like, first of all. And then when he's leaving, he's like, yeah, well, how about you, you know, why are you talking to your mom about all this stuff? Like why don't you talk to her about how I've taken care of you for you? You're sitting on the couch.

Like, does she have a job or not? I don't understand this. Like, I get that you're paying rent, but you're paying rent in Koreatown. It's not like she's in some mansion eating bond bonds, okay? Yeah, exactly. And so finally, Jack's comes back and he apologizes to Sherry that he had that she had to see the finder. He apologizes that Brittany made him do that in front of her, which is what fucked up.

And then he's like, she just needs to see what she has. I'm like, I'm sure she can see it every time the ball tracks prescription runs out. Yeah, no kidding. She sees what she has. I'm like, I'm sure she can see it every time the Valetrax prescription runs out. Yeah, no kidding. She sees what she has pretty clearly. It's a bloated sad man who's mingled his face and is currently wearing a bra because he had like his third tit job. Okay, that's what she's got. And then he goes, I'd never asked for anything. I'm like, we have watched an entire season of you begging for a turkey sandwich. And also, notice that he said, I don't want anything in return. I didn't ask for anything in return.

All I wanted to do was do what I want to do. Okay, well that is something. Everything. Yeah, I actually asked for everything by saying that. Let me do what I want to do. Yeah, you were asking for every single thing. He's basically saying, I'm paying for this bitch's tostitos. And if I want to finger up my ass every once in a while, I don't want me to live.

Okay. Thanks. And and Sherry's own response is, well, maybe you should get a church. Oh, for Christ's sake. Yeah, make me go to a gay guy. Send the gay guy to a place where he gets to be on his knees every Sunday. Idiot. place where he gets to be on his knees every Sunday, idiot.

So then we go over to Sir, where it's a painting party and they're painting the wall a really kind of ugly tone of pink. It is, but you know, the lighting in that restaurant is in black light. I mean, lights look very, very different. Pink colors look very, very different when it's like the restaurant lighting. That's true. I mean, it look very, very different. Paint colors look very, very different when it's like the restaurant lighting. That's true. I mean, it's basically black light. At least it was only painting it to get rid of some of the DNA on the walls, you know?

Yeah. Well, I like, you know, Lisa has the roller and she's like, I've done this every single restaurant I've painted myself. And then they cut to a Katie painting. And it's like the most lack of days like all sad paint brushing. I was like, I wish you could see me doing my limp wrist right now

because that's what Katie was doing. Like, you know, touching it. She's like, I hate exercise. Oh, so fucking Katie didn't even take down that artwork. She's just like painting a square around it. Like, you have to take that down, you know that, right? That's what I was thinking too. I was like, do you even know about paint?

So she starts talking, she tells Lisa that the bridesmaids are having another bridesmaid's meaning. And like, I mean, I hope it's not expensive, because she nah, like came up to me at the squirrel and told me how expensive everything was. And like, eh, and Lisa's like, darling, that's not your business. And you know, normally I tell people

that your bridesmaids are your best friends And you should trust them to do everything properly, but in your case I would I would get involved And everyone laughs except Katie she's like At least it's like oh darling pass the tea towel. Oh, this is from your wedding invitation isn't not oh, yes I'm gonna use a it to wipe up this paint. Thank God this tea towel can clean up this paint because Lord knows it's not up to the task of the mess that is your relationship.

Ah, darling! Okay, it's like, eh. I thought it was going to be a keepsake for you. Oh, yes, a keepsake. Yes, I'm just going to put it in a planter right here. This tea towel lasted about as long as you wedding or as long as your marriage real telling So meanwhile jack's Tom and Ariana are over at like the Hollywood suit exchange getting suits for the wedding and It was it was great because I merely George there the guy who's handling them is like yeah, we got slim fits for all you get

Jack's you need an athletic size. Tom's like, oh, he's so sensitive. Tom number one, someone tweeted us, uh, is Tom trans now. Is he just basically trans? Um, I don't know, but I hope so. I don't think he is, well, he's not trans, but I think he is transitioning into Clea devol, yes. He's clear.

And instead of gender queer, instead of gender queer, he's just clay devolque. He's clear fluid. He's American horror stories. He's in two fluid carnival fluid. Can't. It's like, I can't hardly wait to become clear. And that's not just because he's in can't hardly wait to become clear. And that's not just because she's in can't hardly wait. So they are basically just joking around and having fun.

And Tom, Tom's like, can I have a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, can I at least have a vest? Well, gonna cry, gonna cry. He, he actually, well, I mean, he was joking, because he asked, he's like, is it okay if we wear a black vest? And then, you know, Tom Schwartz was like, nah. And, you know, then Tom Sandevol was, you know, pretending to cry and everything.

But, Truth is, when he asked that question, is it okay if we wear a black vest? He literally asked it with the same gravity of how many hours do we have left with grandma? You know, like, just got the phone call. How much time do we have left? And that was like, he's like, can I wear a black vest? No, like, okay, okay, you can have a vest.

And he goes, yeah, you see, I'm like, Stassi, like, if I want to get something, then I just cry. And they all laugh. And Tom number two goes, oh, that's old Stasi. And Ariana is laughing. And she's like, there's no difference. And everyone laughs. I am loving just the not give a fuck hatred that Ariana has from Stasi.

I know. Ariana's, she's really killing her these days. It's been really good. I thought about doing the is Ariana Maddada segment, but she's not mad at us. I think she's just more mad at Stasi. Maybe we'll rename it as Ariana Madd Stasi every week. We can only do that segment when we really do get into like an awkward moment with Ariana. You can't force that one, you know. Maybe it'll come across once in a lifetime, maybe once every couple of months. Who knows, Twitter? Who knows?

So what we're saying is everyone instigated a situation. No, I'm kidding. Oh my god, don't do that. Someone tweeted at Christie, what's her face? Christie Teak and they were like, do you this no watch, watch her craft ones inquiring?

I just want to know. And I was like, no! Oh my god. Don't leave her alone. Like, please leave Christie Teak and alone. She hates our guts so much right now. Oh, and by the way, Jennifer Lawrence, you still have an open invitation onto this podcast.

You know, you're a Bravo fan, Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Lawrence. I like it, people in our audience know to aim low. They're like, no, I don't think anyone's tweeted at Jennifer Lawrence. Like, no, guys, Chrissy Teigen first, okay? Baby steps. Speaking of aiming low, I think we should also mention that Tom Schwartz, his vision

for his wedding is, I think it was to wear like all brown, but have green shoes and like a dark green tie because it's, it's like earthy, earthy elegance or something like that. Oh, right. This is, sounds terrible. This is a bad thing. He said he wants to match the, um the into the woods theme for their wedding. And I'm like, you know, the into the woods is like season two is awful. Like the second act, everything goes to shit.

It's like things don't work out so well. Yeah, everyone's dead. So yeah, enjoy that. It's so speaking of witches in the woods, it's time for a broads maze lunch. Witches at the Cabo Cantina, wherever the hell they were. Yeah, and so it begins with all the women are there, and she and I was like, hey, Kristen, Kristen, I have something for you.

She hands over an envelope, and of course, she and I was gonna do a big display of handing over the money. Yeah, I don't wanna bring out the Yeah, I don't want to bring out the money. I owe you. And she Christ was like, Oh, well, okay. And she and she and I figure you prefer cash. And she because she tells everyone or she tells us, yeah, of course I don't want everyone because like if she's going to make a big deal out of it, I'm going to make a big deal out of it. So here's your money, shot the fuck up. Bunk.

Wow, you really won that battle, Shina. You sure showed them giving them an extra $500. You know that's just Coke money. That place was probably donated. It was catered by Taco Bell. There's no way it was that much money. Please even go Taco Bell, Husbandards. It was probably gonna be at Taco Bell.

And Taco Bell was like, guys, no. Our manager does have a living room that's empty right now while he's at work. And then like, yeah, let's call the mansion. Let's be honest, it was arranged by the Taco Bell marketing executive who got fired every punch and Uber driver. Like, that's it. We're firing him. Oh, because he punched Uber.

No, no, because he, he did a-in with Vanderbump rules. Oh, sorry I think it was just like a first sale house You know that had been foreclosed on or something like I'm entering through the broken window guys Yeah, it's probably like a leftovers Probably like they were shooting early in the day for a million dollar listing and they're like okay here You can have it discount Josh Alman's already been in here Pretty much. So, Brittney is...

Anyway, I love how we keep on bashing that mansion and you go rock, week after week. It was because it was, I mean, come on. These girls try and act like they're so fancy. It's like, oh, hey, thanks for that bridal shower with that place with stained carpet that we all had to drive an hour and a half to get to and like got cold tacos.

Thanks. Thanks. So I thought it was $20,000 each. No, it wasn't. Stop doing coke. How about that? So Brittany starts open the conversation. She's like, hey guys. What did she say the girls about a kiss?

What did I say that? What did Brittany started gossiping? Oh, she started talking about, I guess, Jack. She was like, yeah, Jack's like, was so, like, my mom was so upset about that guy, he is like, she was real upset, guys. And Stasi goes, um, you know what, being mean to someone's parents is terrible? And I would rather be cheated on. Now, no one wants to talk about Jackson. Talk about the party. And they show a close up of Britney's sad face. She's like, oh, so they have to. OK, this is just sad at the time I found out that that Jackson's penis wasn't kosher.

And when I found out that was a penis and not a hot dog, I'll tell you what, sadness mixed with hunger, never, never a good feeling. I remember when I went to the farmer's market, I saw that asparagus, I was like, look, all those jacks, penises. Now, like, no, that's asparagus. I was like, oh, but there's green too. Huh, little bumps at the end. At least I'm still, you know, at least I've still got a boyfriend who's a charcootery. What a, that's such a charcootery. A guy. Last night he was being such a massage

and his my back feels great now. So Stasi is like, no, we don't want chips. Okay, everybody, I know New Orleans. I know it. It's like my place like New Orleans and Stasi hand in hand. I'm like No, I'm stasi remind me where you got eliminated on the Amazing Race Family Edition New Orleans. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna Apple She's like I understand what it's like to cry in the streets of New Orleans and Katie

There's plenty of gutters. So come on We're gonna get a party bike. Okay. it's gonna be 10 of us on a bike and we're gonna run around a wrist track, okay? God, this cast, no one gonna throw beats at these bitches. It's like keep your shirts on, keep them on. I really wanna have the bachelor party in the body because I just feel like when we're all together, it really reminds us of being in a swamp.

And Kristen's like, well, whatever, but we're not going to Las Vegas. Like, that is absolute. Cause like, Las Vegas, like, no, no Las Vegas. So they text the guys who were still over at the seat shop to like have this thing back and forth and further gonna go. And the guys are like,

Vegas and, you know, that's a big no and she's not for no reason I don't really understand what she is even before here but she is like okay but like everyone I know Orleans like we all have to plan something cuz like Noah fans but you're gonna plan every little thing and Stasi's like uh yeah why yeah, why wouldn't I? I'm new Orleans. I think that maybe for some reason, it made me crack up so much because I feel like that Stasi is response to everything. Um, why wouldn't I?

Yeah. She really said, yeah, I want to plan because I know everything. I'm like, it's so stasi. Stasi, the closest thing you are to New Orleans is like when they had Katrina and there was no preparation and it was just a damn broken down FEMA camp. Like that's the closest you are to them, okay? You're like a disaster that took way too long to recover. She's basically the female personification of the Super Dome.

Pretty much. Like a bunch of stank that nobody really understands. She's like, why are we stuck here? But everyone agrees across the board is a huge disaster. Yes. Pretty much. That's Stasi. But yeah, so she, but she, you know, though, basically, she knows what the spoils down to is that she

know wants to be in the running for America's next top bridesmaid. And she's afraid that Stasi is going to steal it away and become unofficial maid of honor. So she never wants to plan something and she's like, I don't know why Stasi thinks that she can do all this. I mean, if I could control it, then we would totally do a trip to Disneyland and I'm in all the day. I'm like, no, that's Orlando, Disney World. It's not New Orleans, that's when you're not in control.

Now, if I could plan it, we'd like my mouth of on the statute of Liberty. It's like, okay, a it's not a statute. And when we get there, can we go see the space needle? It's like literally a totally different part of the country. But I like space. It's not even in space. Oh. Maybe last so much. I just don't know why that made me laugh so much.

I just don't know why they want to go to a place with a nickname, Nola. I mean, it's like every bitch is coming here with two soulable names. These girls all hate. I don't want to go into a city with all sorts of fat liars. What are you talking about? You know, Jumbalaya, that's all they have there. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on What are you talking about? You know, Jumbalaya, that's all they have there. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondaria. Oh stupid. So Brittany, uh, Brittany, of course, I'm liking Brittany's like innocent shit stirring from across the table because it does really seem innocent, but she's like, oh wow, new Orleans. So is that going to be awkward for you, Stacey with Ariana and Stacey's like um, shh, Ariana is the one who's mean, she should be the one who to feel awkward.

I don't feel awkward like whatever, she's the awkward one and everyone's like and uh she does like stonzy whans, uh great congratulations, like mouth stoncy's like barricain full force steam rolling everybody after like a whole year of begging catering for cover cool Queen Stoss is back. Yeah I'm boiling like a crawfish boil Do you know how many things they feed to in the or less off-cloths? God, do you know how many flying elephants they have there? It's gumbo not dumber I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I hear they have the only cafe in all the world there. Cafe Duman.

Yeah. That implies that she knows what Duman means. I know. Yeah. You just really put. All right. You put that bitch through college. I jumped the shark. This don't have holes in them. Oh my god, I found out who killed jump in the A. It's like it's it's a donut. Why is it done at top lady in sale? I got the police.

You know, people there only have eight teeth. What are you talking about? At your face. Oh my God. So I don't get the rice. The rice is dirty there. So Katie and Lisa go to Katie's marriage. The empty vase. I should have stopped the day to pay. But I decided to make a dirty

rice joke. Oh, I've been waiting all day to say the empty face been all I'm sorry. I got out of bed this morning waiting to say Katie and Lisa go to Katie's marriage the empty race Do you know how long it took me to log my mat? It's okay. I have like three jokes at dirty rice It's okay. I have like three jokes. I don't really like dirty rice. Oh, I'm sure you're right. Blame Shino. Shino weren't so stupid.

We wouldn't be making the jokes. I'm going to be so mad at dirty rice. So they're going over their budget for flowers. By the way, know the queen in the flower shop. Didn't know he works at a flower shop. He's yelled at me to Halloween's in a row. Yeld, okay. He hates me. Wait, why?

Because we have mutual friends and we go to the same Halloween party and this time I took weed candy and it like one in the morning I was like, I'm in a map because you know I was like wasted and completely drugged out. And so I went and laid down and he came into the guest room and he's like, BITCH! Are you sleeping BITCH? Of course you are. Are you fucking lazy BITCH? And like, just would not stop you keep coming in. And I was like, well, I guess I'm not sleeping now, and so I went back out and started reparting, because that's how I roll.

And he was like, oh my god, look at the sleeping one. Can you keep your head off the table, BITCH? I'm like, you are the kind of gay my meme always terrified about. You're like the gay that Brittany's mother is terrified of. You're're ruining it all for the rest of us. You fucking yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But actually he's more like Michael from East Hampton helping iron garden with her flowers. How about that? Be more like him. Yes. Um, actually, if he ever does hear about this, I actually, he's actually very nice. He's just like a funny, he's actually just like a funny bitchy gay. And also I'm terrified of next Halloween already

So there you go. Anyway, they go and they're talking about budgets and their budget is $6,000 for flowers. Is this bitch fucking crazy? Is she crazy? Her husband is unemployed and she's a waitress like a day a week. Yeah, it's called get a bunch of paper and do origami Okay, and put it everywhere. No, I did. I mean, I know that Capital One is pretty forgiving, but how forgiving are they? You're going to be paying this. You could buy a child for the amount that you're spending on this wedding. The empty vase is also, it's like a well-known flower shop and it's expensive. Why don't you just go downtown to the, you know, there's a whole flower warehouse downtown. There's a flower district. go down there.

You get your flowers for way cheaper. You're just such a bougie bitch. Sometimes Katie, you're such a bougie bitch. Yes, it's not fun. I just don't like active that. Oh my God. It's not fun knowing that this girl is going to go back to holding salt and pepper trays tomorrow. You know, like that's like an uncomfortable wedding.

When I know that it's completely ruined your credit for the rest of your life, you know? I don't feel good about that. And I ain't throwing money on the floor either bitch. So, okay. So let's see, um, Katie and Lisa blah blah blah. Katie bitches about Tom again and Lisa's like every time I have a combo with her, she has a horror story about Schwarzee. And then she gave her some sweet advice. She's like, the world is hard enough darling. When you go home with your partner, you should be ready to unite to fight the world together. Like Katie's like, um, that's so old.

I said, like, you can tell that she's like, that's stupid advice. Katie is preoccupied. She's looking for a giant, you know, iceberg lettuce flowers. Yeah, she's like, aren't any of these edible? I brought my ranch. It's in my purse. By the way, I went out to dinner with Angie and David last week. Angie Thomas, who's been on this podcast before, is her birthday. And we got a wedge salad. That's the entire time I was thinking of Gady.

Mmm. They still serve wedge salads at the water grilled downtown. They do. The water grill serves a wedge salad. Is that weird? Yes. So El Paso Country Club circa 1989. It's weird.

It's uncomfortable. Yeah. It is uncomfortable. Also uncomfortable is James who's getting nervous for his first hypnotherapy session. Oh god, and his hypnot, Tom's like, oh it's gonna be great dude. And Barbara the hypnotherapist is like, oh hello Welcome. Now here is how this work you make the change. What do you want to change? She's like, well, I do make change. Actually, I'm DJing and people bring me 20s and I'll give them either 21s, a 10, maybe 10 once or maybe all fives. I don't know. I'm here for the

people. She's like, um, think deeper, think deeper. I like how James was talking about this, like hypnotherapy and stuff like that. And he says, well, you know, last year, Kristian had me doing crystal therapy. I was like, yes, therapy. Exactly. Well, at least it finally came out. And then this is also where he says she's like, you need to make the change. What do you want to be the best you you can be? And he goes, well, I want to make music and show others that to be the best you you can be and he goes well

I want to make music and show others that I'm not some joke, you know I mean they think like there is this gorgeous handsome British man and his hair is too perfect He can possibly rhyme Prius with anything His eyes are glistening his nippers are like little bar scotch kisses. How could he possibly be a rapper? like little bar of scotch kisses. How could he possibly be a rapper? I want to prove that I'm good at what I do. I'm like, look, she can do a lot to make you feel more confident, but she can't make you better at garage band. You know what I mean? Yeah, you need to go to the Apple site because that shit's free. Yeah, wiggy, wiggy. So then, so then she hypnotizes him and he basically just goes to sleep.

Yeah. And then he's that girl in the comedy shop. Have you ever seen when there's a hypnotist like a stand-up place and they're like, we're gonna hypnotize you. And then people pretend that they totally got hypnotized or whatever. I've been one of those girls by the way. My mom is still mad that I wanted to admit that I was just lying. But he's like the kind who wakes up and he's like, what happened? What did you talk about? Did I say anything?

Like shut up. She was just talking to you silently while you were laying on account. She's not magical. She's some immigrant in a bad wig, charging $30 an hour. Can I have a hair? She's like, all right, I look at my memo and you said wiki wiki white Kanye West wiki

Lala into me Lala ain't nobody hair perfect girl. But I know it worked because when you came out of it, I had to different week. I'm like, oh, it did work. It's magic. Yeah. So Thomas being a good friend, he's like, he's really delicate. Like under under under that cocky facade,

he's like a delicate dude. It's like, no, okay. So Ariana and Shina, Ariana is just going horseback riding in Shina and typical Shina fashion is like Yeah, I'll just watch cuz like horses like they have claws so So she's watching and Ariana added nowhere starts. Was she talking about a horse or a friend? Well both really she had a Ariana had a horse that she got when she was eight and

Well, both really she had a Ariana had a horse that she got when she was eight and She and the horse were the same age and then the horse died when it was 30 the horse's name Sorry, I would finish listening to the story, but I got to go to Vegas with the guys Yeah, she was sad because she was sobbing, but I was also like, this is Vanderpump rules. So you're filling things in the wrong place. So Tom comes and of course they talk about hitting a therapy or whatever. And Tom's like, James got hit in a therapy and that was like a big step for him. And he re on it goes, um, okay. Yeah, pretty much.

Can you just have a normal project like, I don't know, I don't, anything really. Good. Have you talked to your band lately? Yeah, get like a normal hobby. You're being weird right now. Yeah. And then she and jumps in and she's like, I'm gonna take more than I have not had secure him off his mental illness like the way he talks to women as disgusting

She never heard of what you talk to women not not to women just the way you sound Well you sound like fast chubaka You sound like fast chubaka. Sina I just I get the James James does talk awfully to women. He's disgusting. He's a better. I'm not I'm not ever gonna stand up for James in that way. He is awful. But Sina talking feminism is just hilarious to me because she's wearing like as she says it, she's wearing this like glittered netted see-through dress with big fake old tits. A face has been changed 30 times to please man. She's, her whole thing was like writing a song about, I don't know, like, you know, her pussy's like a seal or whatever the hell her first song was.

Okay, you're really doing a lot for women, Sina. But she is like a thing. Yeah, especially like her expressions of feminism this year have been basically to try to slutshame someone and to ostracize someone in order to gain the good graces of three other bitches. Yes. So, yay, feminism. Yay, yay, women. So she's telling, oh, and this is also where she's like, well,

hypnotherapy and not my therapy. Why some people rely on magic to turn them into better people on some people stop acting like assholes. I was like, okay, so which path are you going to take? Yeah, exactly. They're going to be in class. What else mean? Well, okay, okay, so we then go over to a law office where Katie and Tom have arrived to sign a prenup. And I'm already laughing because in my mind, I'm like, what is this prenup for? Is it for stocks in iceberg lettuce?

Is it like for like chalkboard painted walls that say bubble on them? Like what what possessions do they have that they want to preserve? You know, going forward and the lawyer literally laughed in their face. Yeah. The funny thing is the whole scene was actually kind of about that. The lawyer was like, you have nothing. You have some like old, you know, like tick tx in between the couch that you can claim.

Exactly. And where did that lawyer come from? Like, Katie found out that this is a $2,500 meeting and she's like, well, look how things, look how the tides turn because now Tom doesn't mind spending $2,500. So I hope he's not mad at the $18,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, mad at the $18,000,000,000,000,000 to spend on the wedding. Like, these are not the same things. Well, she had the wrong takeaway. Her response that was net was, I hope this is the last time he complains about the cost of the wedding. For her, the takeaway was, see, now he, now he realizes what you got to pay this money. I'm like, no, the takeaway should be, oh, this is what it feels like when you get suckered into something and are told the last minute that it costs way more than it's

supposed to. Maybe you should reform your behavior, Katie. Oh, yeah, exactly. But she didn't even mind. She was like, Marikant, yell at me. This lawyer for $2,500, he's like, ah, I can't smooth. It's like some old gum su from the movies. They're like, uh, don't gum su from you know the movies are like Don't back for another day on the earth to solve another crime You like god damn it if I did chase one more husband cheat No, it's god damn wife drunk, you know He's that kind of guy and so when he looks at their financials. He starts cracking up now Look here's the real reason Tom wants a pre-knit. He knows he's going to divorce this bitch. A.

This is not somebody he needs to be ending up with forever. This is a roommate. He ended up boning a couple of times and never stopped calling him. So he's he knows that with the second he gets a better opportunity. He's getting the fuck out of here. I don't think it's a fight over money. I think it's a fight over time because Katie is that girl who will stretch this shit out forever. She will never let him move on. So I think it's just like a way for him to get a quick easy out. There's basically an exit sign. It's a $2,500 exit sign. Yeah, I think that's, that sounds about right, because the truth is, both didn't have about $200 and they're checking and about 45, 4700 in their savings.

And of course, you know, 4500's, like that's a nice chunk of change right there. But, you know, it usually preens up to like, if you have maybe like 10 million in your bank and your bank or something like that, you know, even $50,000. Well, he's also one of the only people on this show who still has hope, you know? He's like the only one who still tries to model or act.

Everyone else has given up. He's like, no, I'm still going to auditions. What if I, you know, what if I get something or something? I don't want you to have it, you know? Also one thing speaking of terrible marriages, I forgot to mention, Sheena was, they were talking about the pre-knop at the horse place and Sheena was like, well, like, I mean, her daughter thought, like, I joke to Shay about it, but like, I would never get a pre-knop because I married someone I trust.

And then, Ariana and Tom are both like, well, things happen. What do they know? Yes, yeah, exactly. So meanwhile over at Sir, she knows back there and Ellie, the vamp from pump comes by and Ellie and she are talking about the fact that James, DJ James Kennedy is gonna be having a performance at Dastai and they wanna go there because they to confront James and Raquel together

and just watch them both squirm. So I was like, okay, well, this seems like an awful evil thing to do. I'm on board. Yes. And she is like, like, he's not terrible, but like, maybe every blow him up, he'll like take some accountability. I'm like, Oh, okay. So you're just doing this for women everywhere. She would have given up. We then go to Jackson, Brittany at a restaurant and they're both like struggling with the menu. Poor British. She's like, I don't know how these things are on here. Like what's an enterey? Oh, that's actually just the category. Oh, what's a menu?

It's the menu. It's where you choose things. I don't eat this. No, Brittany. Get your steed eyes. What's a halibut? Like, why don't I eat the butt of a halibut? I knew a girl named Halibut stressed me. You do not want to eat her butt. I tried. Don't tell anybody.

I'll call you a liar. Um, these two are idiots and they're restaurant professionals. Yes, by the way. So they start talking about church because Jack's I guess is going to really go to church, which is hilarious, but he's like a dramatic childhood. Yes, he really did have a dramatic childhood. He goes, did you have, he goes, what kind of church is this? Like, you know, because I went to one as a kid and they would like, like, I don't know, like sling stuff at us,

like, like holy water, whatever. And they'd like, tell us we're going to hell. Like, like, blah, blah, like the way he was describing his church, I was like, no wonder he's's terrified that sounds like a terrifying church How many priests were flung out of windows trying to fix jacks. That's what I want to know, okay They don't many they just don't he doesn't have any special powers. He just has really bad breath How many times at Max Bon Cedar will come to take care of him? Okay, how many times did his Bon Cedar come to take care of him? Okay. How many times did his mom get

peace soup? Yacht up on her. The priests were actually trying to get spirits to take him over, so he'd be a better person. It's like, yes, he ate the head of a baby off, but at least he hasn't stolen sunglasses this week. No spirits would go into Jackson. They're like, is there an No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, no, it's so easy. She's Baptist. Oh my God. This is going to be hilarious. Um, so let's see. He's like, yeah, I want to go to, she tells me about the James thing. And he's like, yeah, I want to go there because I'm going to see to look on his face when the ambushes ass and say, no fighting because that probation still stands. Looks like that little flourish at the end there. I love some good probation flirting with a boyfriend who just screamed at your mother. It doesn't know what a stake is. Good luck to you too.

So then a hilarious scene as Tom and Katie and Tom and Ariana go on a double date to go painting and oh by the way Stasi's coming too. Oh good fifth wheel Stasi. Did you notice this scene started out the music was drink up it's so gay. So funny that they had a jack ended Jackson scene like that So they're at this place called Pink and Sip which already makes me roll my eyes and You know, they're all like is that even then pun? It's terrible Peyton's it

So shorts of course he hits awkwardness. So he's like oh Stasi Ariana it's sort of awkward. So why don't you like it? Why don't you like each other? And Stasi said that, Stasi didn't like that Ariana said, I don't give a fuck. Oh, so Stasi did not like when Ariana told Stasi, I don't give a fuck about you. And then Ariana's like, well, I don't know what to tell you.

Yeah, can you say to you guys cool and Ariana's like, are we cool? Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, can you say to you guys cool and Arianna's like, are we cool? Yeah, I mean, it's fine. It's like, um, but you were like abrasive and mean when you said blah, blah, blah. It's like, oh, yeah, I don't know what to tell you. And the gossip keeps trying her old method. She's like, well, your cow is an abrasive and it makes me feel sad and it hurts my feelings. And then Tom goes, yeah, but like you choose how to feel. So if you feel a certain way it's because you're making yourself. So

yeah, and by the way, Sasi, everything you're saying is how one could describe you. Okay, you're just seeing how it feels to be on the on the the bear the brunt of it and Erhan doesn't give it fuck, but of course Katie chimes in and she's like, yeah, like Ariana doesn't care about people's feelings and opinions. I'm like, shut up, Katie. You don't even care about your friends feelings. And Ariana goes, um, well, but I'm not friends with her. So of course, I don't care. Like, who's a pinnacle? She's like, who's a pinnacle? Am I supposed to care about my friends with the people I'm not friends with? Yeah. And then Katie's like, well, I care.

It means something to me, which I guess means their friends. Like, you're the bitch you just didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid. So. Yeah. And it's like, you know, Stasi is always used to saying whatever she wants to people

and getting whatever the fuck she wants. And she doesn't even understand any other way, you know, which is so true. Cause Stasi's sitting there like, can you believe she just said that to me? Stasi, you're a fucking bitch. You're a mean, awful human being period. Like she's not coming after you. It's not like you.

You go after people. She's not going after you. She's just leaving you alone. You come up to her and you start shit and she flicks your forehead. Okay. Yeah. You don't like getting your forehead flicked back the fuck away.

Yeah, exactly. And now the fact that Katie has jumped into this when she has nothing to do with Katie and she's now just like, you know, simpering like, well, I guess, okay, fine. I guess that like, Tom, if you want, this is your groom's man. I guess it's really great that she's your groom's man.

And she says these things to my friends, Tom, it's like, shut up your groom's man. I guess it's really great that she's your groom's man. And she says these things to my friends. Tom, it's like, shut up, Katie. Just really shut up. Yeah, it's like the thing is, like, when we're like partying, like the girls are gonna be together. And the guys are gonna be together. And Tom's like, no, she's a groom's man. So she'll be with the guys.

And she's like, oh, great. So now you're just gonna hang out with the guys. Oh, that's great. That's just awesome. Like, well, and like, Katie, you didn't want her to hang out with the girls. Yeah. And Tom says, you're the one who didn't want her to be a bridesmaid in the first place, you know, you fucking twit. It's like, you want her there so you can be mean to her, you know, like, you don't want

her there. So you can spend time with her. One was last time you called Ariana. Yeah, asshole. She's so stupid, like, objectively, very, very stupid. So then it's time for DJ James Kennedy's performance, love. And so all of James's friends and family there, his mom is dancing in the crowd, like she's, you know, 20. And then everyone starts to show up. Tom and Ariana and Jacks and Brittany and Sheena

and, you know, Tom and Ariana can already sense that something is a ride. Something is really sketchy about why would all these people who hate James show up? And I like Jackson like, hey, bro, there's an interior motive. Of course, stupid, Jacks. So they all start showing up one by one and Tom's like, wait a minute, something's not right here. And we see, I'm trying to go through all of these because of course I wrote a note about every little single thing that happened.

But basically, James gets up there and starts performing. Let's go, let's go, okay, okay, Lala, are you in the building? If your name is Lala, say hello. That was pretty much it. He's like, what, what, what wiggy wiggy? Let's go. Let's go.

This was like, and she was like, oh my god. He's like a letter of a lay performing. Like, I think he's like out there like a letter of a lay performing. Like, I couldn't tell if it was a disser not, but she was like, he doesn't have a tape. So, what is she like? She's like, it was like our car accident. You just have to watch. I'm like, yeah

Do you remember your concerts that you used to have on this show and we would watch them? That's the same thing we'd say about you Yeah, exactly she's like, I can't believe that guys are singing to a tape. You guys he's done this more than once you can tell and bear a guys he's done this more than once you can tell embarrassing. So he is performing and then it starts coming down. The girlfriend, Raquel, who by the way, I'm sure Raquel is a very love. Actually, she's probably not loved. She's got the office. Yeah, she's got, she's got to be all we should also mention that Kristen has shown up now with Carter.

Carter was yet to say anything this entire season but Kristen is there and I love when Tom was like oh man when Kristen shows up That's like a bad woman. That's like in the matrix. We see they cat twice That actually made me laugh Kristen's like don't pop my popcorn Could you imagine seeing Kristen twice in a row like wait a second? There's been a shift in the matrix Seriously, seriously The matrix is just a bunch of people like

Carter's like popcorn you're paying for that right yes Carter So they go into watch now they're now all the evil people are basically gathered while he's performing and the girlfriend Rekel decide she's gonna get some screen time because God knows what she's done to her face I mean she's done enough to be to deserve some provo time her face is terrifying So she goes up to Gigi who's kind of a little homely hostess who already gotten a fight with James. Well, yeah, to the game. Well, I'm not going off next. It's not, no, you didn't, no, no, you didn't miss anything, but you know, it's not like Gigi just happened to be there.

Gigi was there, ready to start a fight and Raquel was like, okay, well, I'm going to start it then, you know, like I'm going to get it. I'm going to get, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to cut this off at the pass. And she was like, um, I heard that you're obsessed with my boyfriend, but I don't blame you girl. It's like, uh-oh, here we go. The JV players are about to start a fight. Yeah, beat team, bring in the beat team. And she's like, um, whatever.

Because like your boyfriend, does your boyfriend like maybe sleep with other people? Because like boyfriend, what? And she's like, yeah, my boyfriend. And she goes, yeah, like, like, he cheated on you. And like, isn't it like a quality of like, I'm Miss California to be like feminism? Oh, that was Kristen. She was just watching the whole thing.

She's like, isn't America supposed to be a feminist? I mean, Gigi goes, oh, she did? Yeah. Then Gigi goes, um, look honey, do you like Bononie min unicorns in your world? Like, are there unicorns? Cause like, I love unicorns and B, if you know unicorn, introduce them to me and see your boyfriend cheated on you.

Pop, probably with it. If there was a unicorn, he'd cheat with a unicorn too, okay? And she's like, uh, whatever bitch. And James comes up and he's like, hello girl, hey girl. And he sees what's going on and he's drunk. Yeah, by the way.

Yes. So he's like, the girlfriend's like, well, I just met Gigi and then Ellie comes up. It's like, hi, I'm Ellie. So she's like, no. And then Gigi just decided that she's gonna start doing some prop comedy. She's like, Oh, James

Here's the clothes back from when um, you know, I slept over at your place and you give me clothes to wear home because I was naked from having sex with you Yeah, regular little horrid top over there. Yeah, so James is like, oh you that psycho baby. I would never have sex with you Yeah, disgusting. Get your dumpy face out of my face Like you have a hand here. Yeah. By the way, I also love getting back to that feminism comment about like, is there anything about being Miss California? Not about space, you know, supposed to be feminism. I'm like, I love how your brand of feminism is, Hey, let's both sleep with this guy who has a girlfriend. And then go after the girlfriend

for not leaving him because he slept with us. I'm like, okay, that's interesting brand of feminism, interesting strain. So James is going off. He calls Gigi Dumpyface and she hits him and then someone's holding them apart, right? Well James goes, stop slapping people. She hits him and then someone's holding them apart, right? Like some of James. Well, James goes, stop slapping people. You stupid girl. You slut.

So Tom runs, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Meanwhile, the rest of the staff is like cheering, cheering, watching this all. And so, and meanwhile, James's voice is still like singing up there. So, they went, there went the real performing. So Tom comes in and jumps in between them. And he's like, whoa guys, whoa.

And then Gigi is like trying to hit around her. And so James locks away, but before he does, he like slides his hand down Gigi's face. And she goes, he touched me, he touched me. Which is of course, you bring shit, try to ruin his life, then hit him. Which is, of course, you bring shit, try to ruin his life, then hit him. And now you're like, yeah, typical.

But also, yes, it's, yeah, typical of ridiculousness, but also he, also she's like this tiny little thing and she like gives him like a tap on the ear. And then he, you know, he's ready to full on fighter. He would have punched her in the face if he could. Oh my God, so they're going at it. And then I like when Tom, Gigi's going off, he's ready to full on fighter. He would have punched her in the face if he could. Oh my God. So they're going at it. And then I like when Tom, Gigi's going off, he touched me. And Tom turns to her and he goes, yeah, you knew he had a girlfriend.

You do. You knew he had a girlfriend. And then let's see. She's like, oh my God, cleared of all. James and Jackson. OK, so then Jackson's into it for some reason. Wait, and the four jacks before the jacks gets into it. When James is leaving, he walks up to Jackson and Kristen and he goes,

thank you for coming. Thank you. And then Kristen goes, back the fuck off. Now, my question, you're the one who came here to antagonize him. So you actually should typical typical. So then James is like, your losers. Oh man, oh man, Jack's, yes. So Jack's is like, what? And so they start going off, you know, trying to pretend they're going to beat each other up and everyone's holding Jack's back. And then Kristen goes up to the security guy and she's like, oh, that goes dangerous and you like touch somebody.

So she gets him kicked out and then he's out. Well, because Jack, wait, wait, you, but because Jack threw a drink onto James. And so James threw a glass at Jack's and it shattered on the wall by him. Oh, good. This so. So James, James gets kicked. So basically, James gets kicked out and Jack sort of gets kicked out too, but James get kicked out. He's like, I need my suit jacket. It's Gucci. It's Gucci. They're like, get out. There's somebody like, get the hell out of here.

So basically they go outside and Kristen is there and James yells at Tom. He's, Tom's like, you okay, Bill? And he's like, why would you be friends with that asshole? And he's the one who started all this and that's bullshit. And then he tells us, fuck off Tom, not knowing all of this stuff. Tom has totally done for him. And Tom doesn't even, Tom's like whatever. So he leaves.

And then Kristen and Jacks are, you know, bragging. And Kristen's like, I got him kicked out. I got him kicked out of the globe. And Tom's like, dude, you're an asshole. Why would you do that to him? Like, is that bad enough that you got him fired from one job? Now you have to get him fired from his new job. And she's like, where are you defending James?

Eeeeee. Are you best friends? Are you BFFs? Like she did her fifth grade fighting which he yeah still works on Tom which is hilarious. It actually works on him. He's like, whoa wait a minute. Am I fifth grade? Oh no man. Although I did audition for you smarter than a fifth grade or so I'm gonna think about this one. I failed like I totally wasn't

think about this one. I failed. Like I totally wasn't. He's like, this isn't a good look and I cannot support this. And stocks off, which man, these people, he was right. These people are disgusting. I mean, James is disgusting to you, but there's disgusting people all over Hollywood. You can't just show up at their work and like, you know, well, I guess you could, but well, I didn't like that they made me take James's side. And the thing was I was going back and forth because pardon me, I was like, yeah, this is gonna be made me take James's side. And the thing was I was going back and forth because pardon me, I was like, yeah, this is gonna be hilarious because James is a tool. And I was totally on Gigi and Ellie's side. But then somehow I went up on James's side.

I was like, what is happening? This is classic band of up rules where you just wind up hopping from side to side within 30 seconds. And then the end you just feel like a schmuck. And you can't be on James's side. He does not allow you to be on his side. If James had showed up to work sober and done this thing, he wouldn't have handled it that way.

He would have, well, maybe he would have, I'm kind of sick of everybody blaming everything on alcohol. Like you're an asshole, you're an asshole. Maybe it's magnified, but he still says that shit and continues to say shit like, dumpy face, gills, slut, you know, like you can't do that. Now we see who raised him, so I kind of get it. But still, you can't root for him because if he had just been like, oh, God, they're going to try and get me. I'm not going to let him get me, but he doesn't,

you know, his girlfriend goes up and antagonizes those girls. Then he gets in their face and calls them ugly sluts, et cetera, et cetera. Then he's throwing glasses and psychos, James. Can't root for James. Yeah, seriously. And that brings us to the end of our little show right here. Little Vander Poop Drules. Everybody, thank you so much. But before we wrap it up, last week was our fifth anniversary week, and we had a huge outpouring of love. And you know,

one of our listeners, Kat, was so kind to record her own version of the Watcher Crappens theme song. So as we leave you today, we're going to let you listen to Kat's version of the song. Yes, Kat. We love you, girl. That's Kat Lockett trash talk TV. She's a really good recap writer. So go read her over there. Kat, we love you so much. Thank you for this. And everybody, we love you girl. That's Kat lock at trash talk TV. She's a really good recap writer So go read her over there Kat. We love you so much. Thank you for this and everybody we will talk to you next time Bye. Bye Watch what crap and watch what crap and who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends. Watch what crap ends, watch what crap ends, who cares what happens when there's so much

that crap ends. Crapens, Crapens, Crap Crap Crap Crapens, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about Or, you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus and Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.