Watch What Crappens - #394 Summer House: Geek Love
Episode Date: February 18, 2017The twins’ family comes for a visit and Lindsay and Everett find something incredibly stupid to fight about. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes,... ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Also, check out Ronnie’s new TrashTalkTV RHOBH Audiobook podcast at tttv.podbean.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Oh everybody, what a week on the bravo
What a week can I ask you a question? Yeah, of course and I could have asked the internet, but I did not
There was a show on last night before Vanderpump rules call or the other night whatever before Vanderpump rules
Called so Cosmo and it was the chick. Yeah, what was that? Is that a new bravovo show or is that another channel that they're just airing on bravo?
No, I feel like it was probably something from the e-network because you know every now and then they'll they'll throw something from e or from
Like we or you know somewhere else from the Comcast family little throw in there just to get some cross
But it is e I just looked it up. Yeah, I didn't know I didn't know what that was but I was like, hmm
I wish it was on bravo because it's pretty funny. I liked it. It looked interesting. For the five
seconds I saw it. Damn it. I was hoping it was a new Bravo show we could put into rotation.
But this means that it's on e that I don't have to watch it again and take notes. So yay!
Yay! Who needs it anyway when we've got summer house today we're going over
this week's summer house six friends who live in the city party together in the
summer house that commercial plays all the time on my bravo online I know and I
have to say I'm like getting obsessed with this show it's crazy I'm like really
into it now yeah it seems to really be catching on people seem to be really liking it
I haven't looked at the ratings or anything so I would know about that but I hope it does. I feel like it's actually a really good example of
What I feel like the a good reality show will do which is they'll serve us some people who seem kind of
Unremarkable at first but after about five or six episodes
you sort of peel away the layers and you sort of discover them a little bit. The drama unfolds
in a natural pace and then you get really invested as opposed to those shows where they are just like super
extra right from the start. Yeah, because they're all kind of just normal like super white people.
extra right from the start. Yeah, because they're all kind of just normal, like super white people.
Normal super white people, just getting petier and petier every week.
And it cracks me out because the commercials make it sound like,
oh, young friends meeting in the city and parting hard in the weekends.
And it's like, so how is your job?
Great, how is yours?
Yeah, but they are starting to fall apart as a group,
which is what we've been waiting for.
And we begin with Jacqueline flirting with Carl
because when we last left off, Jacqueline and Carl
were flirting at the bonfire and then in the drive home.
He was gonna sleep in the same bed with her
and Christian was like, don't cross the work, I can't sleep with whoever I want.
I'm single, I haven't done anything wrong.
Carl.
I'm just saying that we're staying in the executive lounge and we're gonna have a
good time.
And she's like, oh my god, it's girl code.
So, I mean, Carl's a dude, so I was expecting this from Carl, but like Jackie, like Girlcode. Hello.
Not sure what her intentions are. And really Jackie is me. Jacqueline isn't either because she's narrating the opening part where she's like
Previously on summer house and she's like, it's the sixth weekend of summer. Y'all
And I haven't had a dick stuck in me yet. And by dick, I just mean like a needle
because I was going to donate some blood. I'm such a flirt. I was just flirting with you
guys. She's like the worst nurse ever. She's like, it's just going to be a little prick.
Just kidding. You're not getting medicine. I just wanted to be flirty. What a hot summer's night.
So hot and sweaty.
Because it's like hot out.
I'm sweaty.
So, so then, uh, so everyone comes home
that, that, that,
that, to pesh to us car ride.
And then Steven's in the kitchen alone.
He's just going on about like, well, I have a very,
I've, I've got a boyfriend on a different condom, he was in a very high profile family.
He's in a closet and I don't know, I'm just kidding.
He's like, I've been like six years of on and off,
I'm like, okay, that's exciting.
Jack, Jack, Jack,
I'm in a caroler in the pool and he's like,
our month-beat dudeier than your hands.
She's like, that's so sexy.
Can I get a massage?
I like meaty hands.
It's like, it's so fun flirting. Like my bark. It's like tougher than my bite.
Is that the saying? This is not going to make me look good. I'm like missing the
missing the statement or being a hoe. Which you were referring to because you're doing two things
right now. So I think at this point they they go they get they go to bed, but he goes sleep on the love seat and she's in the bed.
And I think the workers twins come in
after they go to bed because I just wrote down,
I was sort of eating breakfast at this point.
So my notes were a little sketchy during this early scene,
but Lauren, she's like, well, I want to do it
with our parents and I haven't had a chance
to check in with Carl.
Carl?
Carl? Carl? I just love that she always chance to check in with Carl. Carl? Carl? I just love that you do.
So he's got to check in with Carl at any moment.
Well, they did.
Yeah, they didn't sleep together.
He ended up on the couch and she was in the bed.
And so I put next day twins and couple Jacqueline.
Oh, well, yeah, Jacqueline and Carl weren't in the same bed in the morning.
So Jacqueline comes into the twins room and she's like,
Hey, guys, want to fuck just kidding. I met good morning.
Such a flirt, guys.
And she's like, I feel so bad because Carl had to sleep on that couch.
Like she's making it very clear right up front.
She's like, and I love it.
It was a blowjob. That was it.
Okay. We did not sleep together.
And then ever it's like
It's because someone learns like wow people are sleeping on love seats and ever goes. Huh. Yeah, it's a jumbest thing I ever heard
Oh, okay, everything's all mad
It's like God
All those words we're sleeping on love seats. You're fucking idiots
How about sitting on a chest seat, like a man?
What sort of geeks it's on a love seat?
I mean, come on, being real man, sit on a sofa.
What a geek.
So such a geek.
What a geek.
God.
So then it's time for model volleyball.
This is this thing where models are playing volleyball,
which is just an excuse to get out of the house
and just sit around and yeah, again.
Well, first it's Kyle's birthday, right?
So Kyle comes home and he's basically telling us about
how he was just visiting his parents and he's like,
yeah, my family doesn't come from much
and I mean, I look like a trust fund kid, you know?
Everyone's like, whoa, that guy's hot, he's rich.
He must be rich parents, but I don't.
I'm just a normal guy, guys.
I'm like, okay.
So then they show him like playing around
with his mom on a video camera.
His dad's like, what's a motorboat?
They're like showing him what a motorboating is
and then he's taking a picture of his mom,
like bent over in the garden. He's like, nice butt mom's like nice butt mom. I just thought it was so cute. So then everyone's like,
Hey guys, we're going to go check out Maddo volleyball. Some bumps and some chicks. And
then he tells us Maddo volleyball is models playing volleyball. Like thanks. Totally tubular guys. Totally tubular. That's rare.
Go up on your knees. So they go and then I think Lauren goes up to Carl's.
Like Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Look at these straws, Carl. Or maybe it was Jacqueline.
Someone was talking about that. No, it was a twaz. It was a twaz. Oh yeah, it was a twaz.
Carl. Carl. That's crazy, Carl. Look at this. It's like volleyball. That's crazy. Look.
It's a straw. If you suck on it stuff comes that but like a drink
You know, I'm not being like Jacqueline. I'm not trying to flirt. I mean, it's just drink you like drink Carl
Hey Carl. You like your drink Carl and he's like
I've got a lot of intense but she's fun as hell and super cool. Yeah, she's super cool
In that I don't want to fuck her anymore away, but I don't want to go on her bad side sort of situation
So I'm just gonna tolerate her questions about straws
and clam team use.
She's like, hey Carl, look at your shirt, Carl.
You can take a short off Carl.
Carl, if you want to take a short off Carl.
Is it hot?
Is it too hot for your Carl?
Carl is a little hot, a little too little too hot.
Is he a human Carl?
I have a human in New Orleans is a hot Carl.
They're hot.
Take off your shirt.
You can take off your shirt.
Want me to get you some ice water Carl?
Carl, first're hot. You can take up your shirt. You can take up your shirt. I want me to give you some ice water, Carl. Carl, thirsty.
Carl.
So they're getting, he's like, I found a mermaid who's like the waitress or whatever.
And she's like, I have clankinis.
I just sound so disgusting.
Carl's a little mermaid, Carl.
Yeah, Carl takes off his shirt.
And he's like, I'm a mermaid, not a mermaid.
And then I think because he said like the little mermaid,
the gay was like, you know,
there's something natural about the way
that Carl interacts with everyone
that makes people want to sleep with him.
Wink.
I could call gay.
Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm on board with that,
but you know, I can appreciate it.
So I do Carl.
I mean, who wouldn't do Carl? He's so adorable until he gets mean.
It's not really my time.
Then he'll make me cry.
Yeah.
Well, so Christina now uses this opportunity to tell the twins
and Lindsay what Jacqueline was up to with Carl.
I have a hat like, you know, all Jacqueline's all upon Carl the other day on the beach.
I think you should know.
And of course, I love love that Ashley she gets so angry
She's like well, I knew it. I knew who's the juice back. I know it
But Lauren she's like well, you know jackal's a sir, you know and like you know she's like a skull
Call for it's call. Don't you feel like Carl Carl?
Yeah, it started it started so small because she was refusing to get mad
It's like well, let's's fake deal. I'm cool.
He even be cool too.
We're just like friends.
It's a summer.
Like who cares?
And Christine is like, yeah, they were like flirty.
And they were like talking about sharing a bed.
She's like, well, you know, a lot of people like sharing beds.
You know, that's great.
Beds, beds are comfortable.
Who doesn't want a bed?
I love a bed.
Bed are great.
My brother, I broke the bed.
Remember that?
Carl.
Carl, are you run? Carl, my brother broke the bed. Carl. And she even says she's like, um, well, like Carl's a
flirt and everyone knows that Christina's kind of a shister. So maybe she's just
stirring shit. It's no big deal. And the sisters like, yeah, well, Carl, I'm gonna
be watching Carl. If you're not watching Carl, I'll be watching Carl Carl. I got my
curls on you, Carl. So then it has to Everett and Carl and Everett's
like, whoa, you're the man of the house. If a girl's after you, everyone wants a piece
of the car. Hey, good morning, Carl. Now, baby, everybody wants a piece. Yeah. Well, yeah.
Then they started naturally, Everett and Carl was both are bitching about Christina because she has been a foreign info
Who their sides Christina essentially was a cop was trying to be a cock block to Carl and Christina obviously has issues with Lindsay
So they're like yeah
The worst she's an efforts like you know she may as she's a reporter everything's like a reporter Blair gets in here like fucking news to
Sarah gets in here like fucking news to uh what a geek
uh
And then it comes back to the girls and Christina is still working on them and by now the twins mad like now they've got her mad
She's like oh wow now look at now look at Jacqueline, I think well
I thought she was flirting but now that I think she's aggressively flirting she's more aggressively flirting than he is
I'm like oh
Missing accomplished she's pissed
Missing accomplished. She's pissed
Crites just working on getting that permanent spawn to house. Yeah, she's like exclusive I just got an exclusive people is so buying this on Christina news network CNN
So it's nighttime. I have a little cake for Kyle instead of
Yeah, yeah, I'll vote as a buzz. Yeah, they all have bullets and I thought it was my sick Christina bottle those because she poor.
She's like, look, I didn't get fired for my job.
I bought bullets.
Well, it would have been a nice or cake, but I got very distracted by Lindsay's interns.
I was going to have a whole thing, but unfortunately, this is what you get when you look at the
bitch.
Yeah, so long, but I had to scalp all the interns to get these mollet wigs because I was like, oh, I mean quit my job.
So speaking of Lindsay, she's like, here we are celebrating Cos birthday, and I'm thinking, oh my god, it's my birthday next weekend.
I'm like, bitch, not everything is about you.
I got to be 30.
Why that's a big deal.
Happy birthday to you, but happy birthday to me next week.
Everybody, don't forget, if I don't get a cake and all of the thing gonna be a pooost.
Happy birthday to me.
70s in advance, just getting you ready, because I'm expecting a cake also.
Please start getting working on my cake, and please make it better than this cake.
Thank you very much, and don't not appreciate the plan.
Happy birthday dear.
I know this song is really long, but if you leave I'm going to be really pissed because I
have abandoned missions shoes because of my mom and it's going to really hurt my feelings
if you leave and you're never going to hear the end of it.
Happy birthday to me.
I hope I know what mine that I brought all the interns out to the summer house next week
because I need an office.
I'm starting up the business is really stressful and I wish you guys I don't understand
that and it's like really hard.
I got a plan of birthday too and like I got to pay salaries and I got to find a new
place to live in like Christina's a bitch and ever it like he doesn't get me enough anime issues and
Anne Ronda's not on the phone and I can't deal with it anymore. The candles have melted all over the
cake making it inevitable. I was this about Kyle's birthday. Oh yeah. So Kyle's like, yeah, all summer long, I've been like, am I a
trust fund, baby? And then I was like, no, I'm not. So I want to be single in the summer.
But it's my birthday. So I'm going to fuck Amanda again.
And it's like, and then this group does their favorite thing, which is it's party time.
Hit the lights. And they just turn off the lights and they love doing that. They love turning off their lights. And then I'm dancing on the counter. It's party time. Hit the lights and they just turn off the lights in the kitchen. They love doing that. They love turning off their lights and then I'm
dancing on the counter. It's really the widest thing you could imagine. And someone was
like, yes, I'll party in the front and business in the back. And he's like, Carl's like,
isn't it the other way around? Steven's like, I can't deal with these awful straight people
anymore. Bravo with my transcontinental mystery romance man.
Bravo wasn't sure about how the show was gonna do
so they didn't wanna pay music rights to everything.
So they're parting and they're like,
just play the Southern, the Southern Charm theme.
It's like,
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.
I'm like, really, LMFAO is charging that much.
So they're turning the lights on and off, like, makeshift disco, and everything's going
fine.
Everyone's in great mood, and everyone's in such a great mood that they're like, excuse
us, we're going to have a meeting, aka go have sex.
So they go into their room, and it's just like, you know, cross cutting between back and
forth, like, fun, crazy time, Kyle's birthday, they're about to have sex and ever it has like she's down in the bed.
Her legs are wrapped around and he's like, you're such a geek.
And which you know, it's like it doesn't really make sense, but you just figure he's just
being playful.
And she's like, what?
You know, like a geek and why would you say that?
Why would you say that?
Like, your being like her fall.
And he's like, what did I do that's her full?
You call me a geek.
Sorry, I'm not good enough for you.
Avro!
This was the weirdest fight.
I think he says geek so much that finally,
Lindsay was like,
whatever a geek is,
like looked it up and found out it's someone who bites
the heads off of chickens and carnivals or whatever
and she's madbash.
She's like, I would bite the head off of the chicken and why would you be so cruel?
Back in like 2002, my friends and I always call each other jerk.
Hey, what up, jerk?
I jerk, jerk, and I was working for this high powered studio exec and he called up and
he was like a really scary person.
But we were on the phone saying in the morning and he's up and he was like a really scary person that but we're on the phone
saying in the morning and he's and he's being playful with this conversation that morning and I was
like whatever jerk and then he was like what did you call me and I was like oh my god I just called
this very powerful person jerk I was like I go it's just oh sorry it's like a thing you say it's
like slang sorry I think that don't do it again which is whatever it should have said I'd be like oh
sorry it was like slang but they say I didn't, don't do it again. Which is what every ship said, I'd be like, oh, sorry, it was like slang,
but they'd say, I didn't do anything.
I just called you a geek.
You're such a geek for not understanding geeks geek.
Well, this evolves into this huge fight.
And he's like, what am I not doing that you want?
This doesn't make any sense, Lindsay.
And she's like, I know.
Wow.
She has to go, is, did you ever ask me about my birthday?
30th 30th birthday you're my by-front
Maybe we should go out to two different places tonight. I'm done
She's like where is dreaming and my
Which is funny because she's the one who started then married twin comes in and she's like um you guys like Carl
It's Carl here Carl. Okay. He's right here
Okay guys let's see ever at Carl. Why weren't you with us all night? Like you've been in here the whole night
I've been downstairs going Carl Carl and dancing like Carl was dancing Carl
I can't believe you were in here while Carl was dancing Carl was saying so many funny things Carl was like
Oh my god
I'm gonna totally Carl this and I was like oh my god. You did Carl it. That's such a Carl moment
Oh my god Carl you and you told me missed it you told me this Carl Carl was in a bullet
It was like the best Carl I've ever seen like Mullet Carl.
Love your mollet Carl. Hey Carl, love your mollet Carl.
I don't know which Carl. I like more. Mollet Carl or regular Carl.
Which Carl do you think you'd like more? I don't know. I feel like there are also so many other
Carls. I would like to see all the different carls. I mean, I'm really into all these
Carls. They're both untrustworthy, but I like to hear on mollet Carl better. It's
weird. It makes them more fun. Like with the other hair, he's like just like Carl.
Carl. Can I want to? So what do you think about Karl? And so Linda's
like, can I trust you? And which is in Linda's defense, I think it was just more it was
almost like a dramatic prologue and to go into her whole thing. I don't think it was
a question. I think she was like, I'm not sure if I can talk to you because I don't like even now, I can trust you. And she's like, what can I do, Lindsay? Yeah, Ashley lost it.
When whatever way that Lindsay meant it, you know, I'm always trying to, I'm always trying
to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like maybe she meant it this way, but whatever
she, however she said it, as she was like, what the fuck can you trust me? I'm a workist, okay? You can trust me. Carl
trust me. Carl, don't trust me. Carl, Carl, Carl, you trust me, Carl? I like that she
goes, what can't you trust me? And Lindsay goes, but I guess I can't. I guess not.
You're such a geek. So she's like, yeah, well, if you're so trustworthy, why don't you go
close the door in the bathroom on yourself and just like fall in okay?
How about that? How about you just fall in the toilet?
And guess what we don't have plungers, so you'll be stuck in there. Let's call can get you out Carl
Carl I'm gonna go with that Carl goes off and Carl's like guys stop it and then they she goes downstairs and ever it's like
God you can't even fight behind a closed door
There's an Everett's like, God, you can't even fight behind a closed door.
Yeah.
Shut the fuck up and go back to San Diego.
Meanwhile, they cut to Christina standing on the staircase
above looking down.
You could tell she was so happy.
She's like, it's all working.
She's like, there was a San Diego burn in there.
My book here is done.
Yeah.
So then Everett's like, oh, I got to get away from all these geeks.
I'm gonna leave.
So he leaves an attacksy and then everyone,
the whole night is ruined and no one goes out
for cookie on his birthday.
And I was sort of like, you know, fuck,
honestly, if Everett and Lindsay,
they are that awful couple and they did ruin the night
because they had the stupidest argument.
Admittedly, I mean, Lindsay started this one.
She was looking for a fight because he was just being playful. I mean, I think he probably shouldn't call
her a geek, but that's sort of his language. So he was just fighting. Yeah, he was like
flirting with her. But I love the twid going off. Cause she goes, Everett, you're getting
involved in everything your girl does is weird. Don't be that guy. I will shred you.
Like the lettuce that we're going to make in the South tomorrow.
Are you ready for the South?
My car, you like, you like let us like shred the less out.
Carl.
I love her.
I loved her instant anger.
It was so, so good.
So yeah, everybody puts his out.
But I, but I will say also just one, one other thing about this fight.
I mean, every, you know, he was just was just again, I think he was being playful or whatever, talking
and ever it talks and you're a geek and then she's like, why would you say that?
And the thing is this, ever has a chance right there to just infuse it.
Be like, oh, sorry, like I was just trying to be joking.
I didn't mean it like that.
But he's like, I didn't do anything.
So he, he exacerbates it because she is hypersensitive and she's crazy.
But he never seems to do anything to try to even diffuse it.
And so he just gets defensive.
He's like, you're crazy.
You are a geek.
I spoke the truth now.
God, I can't be around someone who can't accept the truth about their geekness.
That's their love language.
Okay, it's drunk fighting.
That's the, that's their love language.
We're going to always be like that forever. There's no way they're ever going to get
to the point, you know, where they just suddenly are normal to each other. That's where they
find their passion, you know?
Yeah. So, um, so Everett leaves. Yeah, everyone, everyone stays in and Kyle has left to just
like, swiffer up the kitchen on his birthday. But now Ashley has Ashley has is like talking to, I think
Christina or something.
Christina in the game bed.
Yeah.
And she is now totally conflated the story.
She's like, well, I just went in there and Lindsey just walked
at me and just, wow, unlike.
Well, you're kind of wanting to went off.
But Christine goes, you see, you see what I live with
and how my life is, like, at least now you see.
They're fucking trash.
And Kyle's swiffing.
He's like, I'm pretending this is Amanda.
Hey, Amanda, I'm sorry, but I can't be with you right now
because it's summer.
Wanna fuck?
So first, like, please put me down.
So the next day, Lindsay is in bed alone
and there's no text on her phone.
And she's like, I don't know where he is at
when I didn't come home and I have a band of managers
because of my mom and he knows them.
And then ever just he walks in
and as if they didn't get into this huge fight
and he didn't stay the night and he just goes,
it's so nice out, bra.
She's like, why don't you come home? Like I was calling out Ronda. She couldn't find you either.
He's like, because I was pissed and you weren't capable of having fun last night. What a
douchey thing to say to you, by the way. Again, it's like, it's that we've seen this in
so many reality show couples. I mean, we saw it with Ronnie and Sammy on Jersey Shore.
We saw it with Melinda and Danny on Real World Austin.
These co-dependent couples where the girl is prone
to histrionics and the boy is always ready
to put everything onto her, you know,
in the flex, you know, like,
well, you were in a people having fun last night. I'm like, well know, in the flex, you know, like, well, you were in the
people having fun last night.
I'm like, well, you're the one who could have,
like, nipped this in the butt, and he didn't.
Yeah. Um, but then they show him in the diary room,
and he's like, I'm just sick of fighting.
That's his hand. It's sick of it.
And he's like, he's like full on decompressing in there and Lindsay's like, um, any to figure out how
to have a conversation with me without freaking out, which is kind of a normal thing to say,
except that she was freaking out of her being called a geek.
And we're talking right now.
That's like, okay.
I was like, that didn't seem to work out so well.
So not today then not today. Yeah. So I guess I guess today is not when you will
be learning how to have a conversation that freaking. Yeah.
I guess we'll just put that on the calendar.
So then the next Christina and the kitchen organizing cereal boxes.
Her favorite pastime. She's like, okay, Cheerios goes to the left and pretty pebbles to the right. Perfect.
It's called the Who Needs Interns. Who needs interns when you have natural skills?
Oh, I love organizing this office. So Kyle is pissed because Kyle gets a text from Amanda saying that Christina told her that he hooked
up with Katie.
And so he's like, God damn it, Christina.
And so he pulls her aside and it's like, look, I just want to be upfront.
And she's looking at him like, she's smiling.
She's actively smiling because she's like, oh, good.
I can get involved with something else now.
She's like, finally, the cereals in alphabetical order,
I'm ready to tackle everything, bring it to me, mama.
She's like, oh, wait, hold on a second.
Let me just put these honey smacks right here.
Okay, go on.
You have the floor.
Kyle, so basically Kyle has been caught.
And he doesn't like the feeling of being caught.
So he's just going to blame Christina.
It is.
He also knows what she's going to say, which I love because I like that they're real friends.
You know, he's like, look, I got this text from Amanda and she would die right now.
She knows confronting you and I see you smiling right now.
And whether or not it was a mistake, you know, you, you know,
don't relate to it being innocent or something like that.
Cause he knows what she's going to say.
And she's like, but I didn't say hook up.
I was just making conversation.
I was just like, you know, I didn't say you fucked her.
I just said like, you know, made out conversation.
It was just conversation.
Well, here's the thing though.
Here's where there's a little bit of hypocrisy
with Kyle and Amanda, OK?
Because Amanda, I mean, she...
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She just wants to have Kyle's baby.
It's very obvious by the fact that she keeps on coming back.
I mean, I know she also, you know, she's entitled to have her fun, but she keeps on being
like, no, expectations, no strings attached.
It is what it is.
We're just having fun.
You can't skate, you know, so it's like that's bullshit there
And then Kyle is also like look
Just having fun. I need to be single. I can't believe you told her
But you know, it's like no you guys are saying you guys keep talking like you want to be single
And now you're like if you this is where you should take a page out of the car. I'll playbook me like I did nothing wrong
So everyone like chill out
Yeah agreed with that the problem is is that they're roommates
So you cannot be doing that shit to your roommates like there's something about being at home
You need to be able to be comfortable in your own damn high and if he's gonna fuck a football team
Of cheerleaders or whatever I guess because he's straight
But if he's gonna like abstracts with 20 people at one damn time
He needs to know that his roommate's not gonna be out blabbing his shit to the girl he's trying
to pretend that he's into so he can get the weekend. I, Christine is not innocent in this either.
I'm not letting her off the hook, but I'm not letting them off the hook either. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, she was hilarious. And I'm like, especially Amanda, because she knew she told him straight up that
he could date whoever he wanted in this and that and she's going to get mad that he actually did it.
And when she was like, I thought I was helping because I thought she knew that Kyle had
fucked half of the Hamptons already.
So I said, look, Amanda, just so you know, when he fucked Katie up and down our apartment,
like a like a rabid rabbit.
It meant nothing.
I was just.
Oh, but I mean, look, I was honest and truthful.
And I think she appreciated it.
I think so she's smart.
She knows that she's lost this one.
So she's just like, look, I'm sorry.
It wasn't my place.
I thought I was being helpful, but you don't see it that way. and what I've learned from this situation is to just stay out of it.
I was like, okay, perfect. That's the perfect apology. Now teach everybody else on these shows how to do it.
And that's all Christina wants to, by the way, she only wants Lindsey to be like, I'm sorry, I should have asked you first. May I please have the intern? She'd be like, great. Glad we could have this lunch. Yes, your interns are now working at our home full time every single day. Yeah. So cut to the farm stand
and Christina and Jacqueline are shopping and it's like, uh-oh, Christina's about to step into
this and she should again, I just feel it. So um, they're looking. I love corn. We have the best
corn where I grow up. Oh, God. Corn is so juicy and amazing.
I just want to stick this corn in my throat. Oh, I am such a flirt. I like taking a whole
cob down with that even chewing it. Just kidding. Corn. I was flirting with you. Look, it's hard.
I was just kidding. It's who I am. You know what? I love cream of course. I love getting that cream all over me. I'm just a flirt
So they're sitting there in Christina's there at the little table and Christina's like, you know
I really learn my lesson about meddling and I'm just never gonna do it again
And Jacqueline's like that's great. You know, it's funny. I'm having a really hard time getting to know people
I wonder why it is and it's like oh, no, it'd be a good time for me to metal
So here's what I think and she's like well, you know, I think I wonder why it is. And he's like, oh, no, it'd be a good time for me to metal. So here's what I think. And she's like, well,
you know, I think that part of it is that, you know, you're not as close with everyone
as, as, as everyone else. And the other thing is, it kind of talked about both sides of your
mouth. And Jaclyn's like, huh? And I was like, oh, Christina, you're about to mess this
one up again. I was like, you know, because you say you're a sudden bell. And then you're
like, give me that dick. But oddly enough, it actually worked out. All right. And she was like, you know, because you say you're a Southern Bill and then you're like, give me that dick. But oddly enough, it
actually worked out all right. Jack was, yeah, she's like, I
mean, it's Carl, too. It's not just you. And she's like, but
that's my personality. Like, I just don't like click, you know,
like he's all, I don't click with Carl, like, I don't care, just
flirt with him. I mean, he's also kiss Lauren. So there's two
whammy's. And she's like, oh, see, when they carl and she's like, no, I'm just Southern. Okay. Like in the
south, if you're not flirting with someone, then you're a bitch.
She's like, oh, well, do you want to come on to my category then because I, it's really
fun being the bitch. Okay, I guess I give it a try. I'll, nothing worse than some girl on girl action in the same category.
I really say love this scene because it was two people.
Christine is just being who she is and saying, you don't have friends because you act like
they're home and nobody, no girl wants to hang out with that.
And then she's like, I'm not going to go up with car.
I'm just flirting.
And then they're like, that was so fun.
As soon as I love that, I was neutralized. It was like, Oh, wait, okay, we can be friends.
Yeah, I like to take it just be brutally honest. And then that's it, you know, what
least Christina was. But Jacqueline was totally fine with it, you know, I like that.
And you know, I like it too, to be too. Personality. Yeah, I'm still team Christina. So the massage, the gay, I guess,
gets massages for he and Carl for some weird reason. And the massage lady is doing
Carl's shoulder. And she's like, Oh, yeah, how about your gluteus maximum?
It's funny. And he's like, okay, yeah.
And he's like, yeah, that feels really good.
It's his shoulders.
It's like, these are the worst massage people I've ever heard.
I love a massage shoulder.
I mean, that they're supposed to go in the air.
If she thinks that that's his glutes, it's his shoulders.
And she called them the gluteus maximum.
Well, what's he's doing his shoulders?
I'm like, you guys are going to have back problems.
Or did Jack have got up to help out? I'm such a flir. Look at me massaging you.
Join me massage your balls. And by that, I mean, look, beach balls. I'm going to go
to the pool. Bye.
Thirding. I may have seen learned nothing.
Yeah. So the more this family is going to be coming over. Oh, but before that, I think,
there's some very serious stuff we have to tend to, which is that this is the first time I've
loved the Hamptons without my boyfriend at my side. It's a Lindsay going through further abandonment
issues. She's like that Ford Explorer abandoned me. This is the first time I haven't been in that Ford Explorer.
She's turning every mundane thing into a personal trauma.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
I've had to take an earlier jettna.
I can't believe it.
Like, who leads their girlfriend to go on a jettna alone?
Especially when they've been dating for two months.
Yeah.
So the work his family is coming over and the gay is like,
I'm not sure what to think about them, but they might be a lot.
Just, just a dad.
Yeah. So he tells Carl that he's got a date,
but they're going to both tomorrow back in the city,
but they're going to both stay to meet the parents. So Carl leave. I mean Kyle leaves
Everyone leaves except those two right Carl and Carl and Steven and so
Carl and Stephen come downstairs. They they meet the family Carl is sweating buckets
You could tell he's so nervous and he's like, yeah, I'm great with parents, but I find him to be very like
He's so like there's something so fake about him.
It like really skis me out.
Like his charm is like too charming.
I think that we've seen,
he's kind of like Everett in the way that he's charming
and fun and like going or easy going,
but then when he gets mad, it's very biting, you know?
Yeah, it's almost like we's in the way to stop.
In other words, keep your fucking mouth shut.
You know, like he'll say things like that.
Or when he was, when they were at that thing
and he was being sober, Carl, and he's like, I can talk to whoever I want.
How you doing to like some waitress next to the twin?
Like he's just, he's got like a mean edge to him, you know?
What she kind of explains a little bit in this episode, which is another.
I'm sure if I met so yeah, I'm sure if I'd met Carl and Everett or even Lindsey in person,
just like you wait the way you meet a normal person, I'd be like, yeah, they're totally cool people.
But like when you see them on the show and you get to see all sides of them, it's just like,
I can't deal and by I'm by me saying all sides, I mean, the edited versions that we're presented, which is probably
just one eighth of their personality.
But nevertheless, I know that I say a lot of mean stuff about Carl, but I actually like
Carl.
He's I kind of like him.
I like that he's like charming, but he's also got issues, but he's sweet, but then he's
also like could be a killer in a lifetime movie, you know?
He's like one of those husbands on lifetime. They're so sweet and charming and you're like, surely they're not gonna turn the husband into a crazy person
and then all of a sudden he's like, you stupid bitch, you were never my only wife and even think that you could be shows with a stupid bitch
you are chased through the hallway with a big knife.
But then he's nice again. I don't know, I like that in a man.
Yeah.
Well, he is charming the parents.
He's talking about how he can take out the trash and drive stick and everything.
And you know, Lauren's mom was like, okay, I approve.
Lauren, may I talk with you privately?
I have some recommendations to make.
So they go into another room. Okay, I approve. Lauren. May I talk with you privately? I have some recommendations to make.
So they go into like another room. And Lauren's mom is basically like,
Carl just jump in. Just fuck him a lot. Just stop, stop, stop over thinking you'd just have fun.
And see the twins like, well, you know, with Carl, like it's weird with Carl because like I have fun with Carl, but like with Carl, I don't, you know, I don't have like that connection with a lot of
people, but like with Carl, I have that connection, but then I heard he was flirting with people
and we're at dinner with you. And that was like, you know, like a barbecue, like a bonfire.
And he was like flirting with other meat, the barbecue, like made me feel weird, like a
bon with that meat bit. And I want to be the only twin with that, the meat in my body.
I'm like, it's weird. And you're going to be so disappointed in me. And she's like, honey,
you can flirt and so can he. It's summer in the Hamptons. Fuck everybody. Come on, babe.
She's basically jumping and having fun,
although she was, she gave conflicting, conflicting advice.
She's like, just jumping and having fun
and let him chase you.
I'm like, I don't know if you can do both of those things.
Yeah, I don't know that Carl's much of a chaser,
but that Carl really enjoys the chase.
I think he really enjoys the chase.
I think he's, I think he's the guy who enjoys the chase
and then once he gets what he wants, he's ready to move on.
But I think that girl enjoys the chasing.
Like, she's very aggressive.
That's not some wall power.
And so it's tricky.
She's going to have to find somebody
I think a little stronger than Carl.
Because at this point, she's way so much stronger than him
that whenever he does anything bad, she's going to be she's so much stronger than him that whenever he does
anything bad, she's going to be like, well, I knew who Carl was, my ex-fam for who he
has. She's going to make excuses and excuses for Carl. She should just find someone better.
She needs someone who, like, still fun for me, Carl. She needs someone that when she goes
and talks about straws, she's like interested in it and he wants to text her about it all
week. That's what she needs.
And she will find him.
There are guys like that out there.
She needs to, first of all,
she needs to look for a guy in a sweater,
or like a sweater vest.
Yeah.
I like that.
I have to go to places.
You know, a guy with his chest hair hanging out
who's got a bright smile and shiny eyes.
No, no, you need to look for a bride,
because they bring bride up so much.
She's like, you know, some guys they meet my family
and they're terrified and they run away.
And they're like terrified.
And you know, like Brad, Brad didn't.
He just like stayed.
He was like totally comfortable.
Yeah, you need to find a Brad.
Find a Brad.
I don't know.
I feel like stay away from the guys
who are professional, professional slurts.
You know, guys who are slick and and and and
flirt and know how to flirt, they're always, they're always there their problems and and you know and honestly
This is good. I'm gonna get so much hate for this
But when later on they they showed him in his apartment and there was the diploma from Syracuse
I'm like I don't know what it is
But I've met like so many guys from Syracuse University who are just like Carl and they're they're like flirty
guys from Syracuse University who are just like Carl and they're like flirty, non-committal, and slippery, and they drive all these women berserk.
And then we as the gays have to deal with the women.
I'm not saying all guys are like that, but man, I just feel like a lot of Carl's come
out of Syracuse.
Yeah.
Sorry to all you Syracuse people out there.
My mom went there, my mom went there, and I have many good friends who went to Syracuse.
I know people who went to Syracuse people out there. My mom went there. My mom went there. And I have many good friends who went to Syracuse. I know people who went to Syracuse. Your mom's like, yeah, and I have to talk to you about
this guy dated in Syracuse. But there's, but there are, it's funny. There are, there's like a,
there's a Syracuse guy that that emerges from that university. There's a type, not all of them,
but there's a type. And it's like, oh, there's a car. There's their carls. There are carls.
Tell me if you're with me people.
So there, I mean, we're in West Hollywood.
So I'm like, there's so many gay carls here.
They're all like that.
They're all slick and like, oh, look at my car.
Oh, yeah, you're the best thing I ever heard of.
Where you face with me.
And then you can do that.
I'm really close to my mom thing.
I'm really close to my mom.
I'm on my knees a lot.
Like, do that, like, that thing, or even though it's sincere,
it's like he knows when to say that
to get your girl go, aww.
Yeah.
He's like, things I care about.
My mom and puppies.
You're like, oh, girl.
Don't ever forget that rosé moment.
Yeah, with that table of girls,
I'm gonna be able to see you then.
Don't forget that moment.
Yeah, that's how far it is.
Yes, that's it.
That's carol. He's like, yeah, turned down a girl with the bravajit.
So, um, so, uh, New York, yeah.
So let's see.
So they go into the city.
And this episode was different because they actually spent time in the city.
Well, yeah, because normally the city is at the half an hour mark.
Um, but this time, this time, the cliffhanger was in the city. So it was, yeah, they did like half the because normally the city is at the half an hour mark. But this time, this time the cliffhanger was in the city.
So it was, yeah, they did like half the episode in the city.
I liked it.
So Lindsey and Katie meet up and Katie to roommate.
And Lindsay's like, I want to talk to you because I can't talk to Christine.
And because she's like judgmental and like, I don't want to get her fired from whatever
job she's given herself.
But like, you've been that person for me and Katie's like, oh another fucking day you're making me come downtown to listen you bitch for an hour.
Girl you think I don't want to have a lunch hour too?
Yeah, so Lindsay's like I drafted an email and so the email is like thank y'all for being strong with me because I'm hyper sensitive.
I was like, oh, here it is.
Another like, this is the problem.
This is the co-dependent thing again,
where she's now putting it all on herself
and she's thanking him for putting up with her.
I'm like, girl, you gotta be stronger than that.
She reads this, yeah, she's like,
I've been to all the hard-hand in life
but you're like there for me
and life is full of curveballs,
mostly that hit me right in the face
yeah, I'm
Ben, I'm Christian, huh?
And then I'm like left on the field with a hurt face and I'm like the games over but what the hell?
I'm like you're my teammate and he's not even trying. I haven't been in
issues and so he just goes off and then I just wrote down Katie has said two words.
Yeah.
Yeah. Katie's like, well, yeah.
Yeah.
My train, I mean, I've got to go.
Oh, okay.
Oh, you're bringing the interns to this.
Okay.
I guess I'm sure ever it has thoughts on the interns too.
Oh, you're showing a business.
I didn't hear about that.
Limb dream.
All you have to say is, how are you doing?
That's it.
And then just pretend to listen five minutes. Just once. You don't even have to really listen. To one person, just say is how are you doing? That's it. Yeah, and then just pretend to listen five minutes
You don't even have to really listen to one person just say how are you?
How are you? I mean it and mean it by the way and listen and ask a follow-up question ask like four follow-up
Questions to show that you're listening instead of just a pre-function like how are you while I asked her how she was anyway?
I'll bound her man ashells. Oh
My god, so then it goes on to a gay date I asked her how she was anyway. I'll band up my nostrils. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, well, maybe it would be fun to eat together. No, that's not how you go on the date. Especially not someone from LA.
That's not how it's gonna work.
And then, and to make matters worse,
they're trying to make this guy,
like the most boring guy in the world,
but then Steven gets on his day
and starts talking about like,
well, I've been in this on an off-relationship,
like six years,
I don't know if I want to be in it anymore,
and I kind of like, I don't know,
like I liked it at first, but I'm not sure.
I'm like, Steven, girl,
why are you talking about this guy
on a date with another guy?
You are failing this date.
This is not that other guy's fault.
You have a re-uvax you ruined the date.
Yeah, and you're gonna go calm over.
Like that calm over, everything was so weird.
He combed all his hair forward.
What are you doing?
He's like an edg shurit.
He's like, if you think I'm going bald on my side,
you're wrong. I've totally got hair growing out of my
Tepples and they're growing towards my eyes. So what are you doing? But yeah, the guy was kind of boring, but certainly with no Carl.
So you even see even spoiled now because he'd become best friends with the hot guy. And so now he now every day
He goes on has to be as good as Carl and that's gonna be hard
Yeah, and the guy goes well
Maybe if you didn't drink vodka you'd be happier and Stephen goes um, it's Jim
So this guy has nothing to offer
So then we go to Carl who is on the phone with his mom.
And we find out that Carl actually has a huge amount of dysfunction in his family,
which explains a lot.
He has some uncle who was like drunk, passed out in the yard somewhere.
And when he was a kid, Carl was overlooked and forgotten.
And he'd go to school without lunch money and is pretty sad.
And that was like, his mom.
His brother is a heroin addict and then Jay,
and then I was like, I'll just cut out a jail in and out.
And he takes care, he supports his mom.
And he's like, mom, how, how be you?
And she's like, oh, lovely, just, lovely.
Looking for my drink here, my diet coke.
And he's like, I was gonna say you're gonna drink,
you're drinking already.
And she's like, I should be, every day is a new struggle.
You know how it goes, Carl.
Well, your brother's better now,
but there's a lot of court dates.
And you know he's been driving.
Oh, I found him in the backyard.
It's like everything that came out of her mouth
was just so sad.
And he's like, great.
This was great.
But, you know, I love my mom.
I'm a mom's boy.
God. That's right. That, just simple Carl. It was sad. It was actually very nice. It was a nice moment. No, Carl,
take back everything. But this is when Carl kind of explained himself a little and he's like,
when I'm with people, I ruin it on purpose because I've been so disappointed in people in my past
that if I ruin it, it doesn't give them the chance to ruin it, which will hurt my feelings more or whatever. But I was like,
that's so nice. Okay, now stop doing that. There's nothing worse than when people, and
by the way, I'm the worst offender at this, but or of this, whatever. But when you understand
your own issues, but you just, you're like, well, those are my issues. At least send
it what they are now, but then you keep doing it.
Yeah, it's like saying you have abandonment issues over and over and over again.
Yeah, and then threatening to abandon people.
Yeah, so I have abandonment issues and you're kicked out of the house.
So so Lindsay and Everett meet and Everett is soft. I should write that he's like,
I feel trapped right now.
She's like, for them to be sober.
When they didn't even look like they knew who they were
or each other was, they were like, hi, hi.
They were like, they were so confused
that they just ordered two very strange drinks.
Like, I'll take the one that's neon green
and he'll take the one that's mud colored.
He's like, I'll go with the third time, so, John.
It's like, what?
What?
Are you trying to say something passive
aggressively with your drink?
Yeah.
Exactly.
So I usually drink some of the Kierkomba.
So Lindsay's saying, like, well, I'm just like,
really stressed out.
I'm starting a company and like, I can't even plan my third birthday
Which means a lot to me this y'all
I'm like yeah, well
You know we've been trying to get space and separate my thoughts and emotions and you sent me that long email
She's like oh did you read my email? It's like yeah, they are
Reddit a few times.
Ah.
A lot of words I didn't understand, so took a few passes.
Um, yeah, he's like, we're just fighting so much.
I'm just getting frustrated.
It's like hitting a new level.
Like, I called you geek, you know?
I feel straight right now.
Praise.
And so Lindsay's like, well, every time I try to express myself,
you just dismiss me and he's like,
uh, can you give me an example?
I'm like, uh, you just did it.
You literally just dismissed her by suggesting
that her claim was so ridiculous
that I need his examples for backup.
I was like, but I'm busy.
And I'm in this restaurant.
And I'm sorry, I'm in a comedy. He's like, that's life.
It's called life, okay?
It's living.
Get out of bed and live your life.
Oh, yeah.
And then he's like, I'm trying to do the best that I can
with these eyes are like duh, like stupid face.
Can't you see how hard I'm trying?
I'm not being dismissive.
I'm just like reacting to your stupid geeky face, stupid face. Like, he is extraordinarily dismissive and I love the fact that he refuses to acknowledge it.
But she literally keeps saying the same thing over. He just said it's fucking life and then she's
like, he goes, lately it's just a drain on me. And she's like, well,
but you're only looking on the surface. Like, I've got invoices and salary. Like, what
are the end? And then she starts again. And he's like, he's like, that's life. And she
goes, yeah, but if you want to break up, go back yourself. And then you swallow is really
hard. But it is hilarious. I mean, I don't know who's hard to be on because she's so self-involved and he refuses to
really acknowledge anything that she's saying and they're just
kind of like so awful together and the fact that she's like, I
have invoices to do. I have to pay salaries and he's like, yeah,
that's called work. And it's not going to go away anytime soon. So
you have to deal with it. And then like, he's kind of right.
I know that that doesn't excuse him just not coming home.
That's true.
Yeah.
That's what the fight was.
The point is you don't take either one of their sides because then eventually
you're going to get in a fight with one of them.
And they're not going to take your side.
They will unite.
You know, yes, like that's what Tom and Katie needs to learn.
You can be awful, but at least, you know, you could stand up for each other no matter what, which is what they do.
Yeah, that's true.
Which makes them, but somehow it actually makes them more awful.
I know. Isn't that weird? Well, if Tom was standing up for Katie over this ariana stuff, he'd look like an asshole too, you know.
Yeah. He's just not willing to for. And ever it is willing to for her.
So, oh my God, what a week of crazy relationships on El Brads. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to talk about
this next week when it's longs is Thoreth Barthand. She's like single for it. That's a big deal. I
know I even made her a cake. So, I got these swiffer refills for you. So maybe you can swiffer on your birthday. Like I had to online.
Christine will be like, look everybody.
I got these mullets for Lindsay's birthday.
Like, wait a minute.
And those are on a totally different house.
Where they like what kind of friend are you?
Well, that brings us to another end of another episode.
Oh my goodness. We did it.
I'm so so fun.
I really, I'm really enjoy this show.
I really do.
Me too. And it makes me want to travel and like go do things on the weekend.
You know, I'm so lazy on the weekend.
They're like, let's drive at three hours to party for a day and a half.
And I'm like,
makes me want to be wealthy. Makes me want to be wealthy a day and a half. And I'm like, I want to be wealthy,
makes me want to be wealthy
and have a summer house.
Like I want to have a summer house in Malibu.
That's a bunch of friends we got there every weekend.
Yeah, it probably would take us three damn hours
to get out there too.
Sure would.
Traffic would be fun.
Everybody, thank you so much for being here.
We love you very much.
Our bonus episode this week was super fun.
It was all Grammys
and the Brappack and the Rat Pack. So go check it out over on Patreon if you like it. And
thanks to everybody who supports us over there. It's been another amazing week.
Absolutely. Bye everybody. Bye.
Bye! a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.