Watch What Crappens - #434 Southern Charm: When In Roam, Only Do Billionaires
Episode Date: April 14, 2017Landon shows off her new app idea on Southern charm, Craig finds a best friend, and Shep messes with some balls. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episode...s, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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We love you girls.
And hello, welcome to the Watch What Crap and Spodcast!
The podcast about all that crap
that we'd love to talk about on Yule Braves,
our Money Care and Franchash Talk TV,
and the Rose Prax Bachelor podcast.
And here I am with the sleepy headed
Ben Mandelkerf, the B-Sideelker of the B site blog and the bento
blender.
Tully.
Tully.
Tully.
How are you honey?
You know, I'm just barely hanging on.
It's 3 3 11 a.m. and all I've done in the past 24 hours is to either talk about Bravo,
Bacon Orange Cake and clean things around my parents place and
have a Passover Seder too, and fly across the country.
So I'm, but you know what though, here I am, at 3 a.m., I'm ready to talk about Southern
Charm because the podcast must go on.
Yes, the podcast will never be done.
Okay.
Never ever.
I kind of like when we do these marathon things when we get you really sleepy
because that's how we get you kooky. You know, and the thing is whenever we do these
late night podcasts, it's always seems to be at my expense. It's always like I've just
landed on from a plane. Like either I've just come back from New York or I've just
come back. Yeah, right. Well, you travel a lot more than me because I do him from Texas, but somehow it's easier for us to do them
earlier or it's not as late. It's only two hours later
there. So it's not that big of a deal for me to do it. And
plus I sleep all day. You know, when I'm home, my family
knows I don't speak in the day. You have to wake up and make
orange cakes and shit. Well, the thing is this one, when I
I've discovered that when I come home, I'm basically put to work immediately.
I know that pretty much happens to everyone, but it's really gone aggressive.
I feel like once I wake up, it's a constant stream of things that have to be taken downstairs.
Constantly.
Ben, will you take this to the refrigerator downstairs?
Ben, this has to go downstairs.
The trash has to go downstairs.
This has to go downstairs. The laundry has to go downstairs. This has to go downstairs,
the laundry has to go downstairs,
this piece of paper has to go downstairs.
We take that, we have to really go downstairs
and bring up the stuff that you just brought down.
It's like constantly up and down upstairs.
I'm like, why don't I fly across the country for this?
Not me.
I hit my teenage years and mentally,
I just never matured past that.
And my parents know that I'm a fucking monster.
And they just, I'm like a baby
They're like someone's grumpy. Does someone need to go to sleep?
So I'll be like whatever mom like I'll start fights and stuff if I'm grumpy
And so they know like my nieces
I do the Bethany thing with my nieces. I play with them
I have a great time and then I feel it coming on and I go walls up and they're like okay
Uncle and they run away because they know I'm a monster, You know, I think being an evil person really is good for one
sleep. You should try it, Ben. I think that I should just stop coming in for holidays.
I should come in for just non holidays because when I come in for holidays, it's like,
I've got to do all this stuff. I got to help. I got to set tables and clean dishes. I don't want to do that. I'm a selfish bitch.
I just make my meme off feel real guilty. I'm like, well, you know, I'm glad you're finding ways to feel useful.
The dishes are piled up. You're right. I'm just terrible and going to hell.
Well, speaking of people going to hell, speaking of things going to hell, let's talk about Southern charm. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da.
So it opens up where Thomas's house,
Whitney shows up in a trench coat and a t-shirt,
which is strange, and it's like,
not an image I can really process right now.
It's a trench coat with like furniture pegs on the shoulders.
Yeah, it was like a trench.
It was made by like Andre Leon Talley's
door man. I don't know. It's like if the go-round made clothes for like gay detectives.
It's it's just it was just like like some sort of fabulous flasher. You know like if you want to be
a flasher but you want to have some
style too, these
two.
Oh,
fucks.
I mean,
Jesus Christ, you guys just accept
your age.
Like you can't even feel yourself
fart at this point.
Can we please stop trying to pretend
we're 20?
He's Thomas is like,
well,
I need to sleep after that long weekend
a pool party with two 24
y'all.
And the mom is like, yeah, bro, when he's like,
mother. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the thing is that. So Whitney and his his his model
girlfriend, the French girl, they broke up. Shocker. So they broke up. and he's single now. I don't know.
She wanted probably a lot of things to be risen.
But so Whitney is single now and so Thomas is like, well, Thomas, I mean, well, well, Whitney, it's like now the single.
I want to see you going out there every single night and closing deals.
I want you closing deals on set in public bathrooms.
I'm like, you
really remember you went to jail, right? Your judgment is not the best. And he says this
right after he does this monologue about, well, being a poet from Catherine is really,
oh, no, Whitney's like being apart from Catherine, it's really mellowed him. And he's
such a good father. And Thomas is like, yeah, raising these children
Take them to school occasionally. I see them sometimes in the morning
One of them goes to a class of some kind where she dances around and the other one eats things
Like oh, you're such it's like the father of the year. He's like pointing to the house next door
He's like the fat lady whose name I haven't learned yet. Take care of them
It's just struggled now tell me about fucking people in bathrooms.
Yeah.
I'm hoping that the Kinsey can get an internship in the entertainment industry.
I hear you have an uncle who's working at blockbuster video.
Is that true?
Can you get an internship going?
Kinsey.
These two, the struggle.
It makes me sad, but it's also very funny to see
when they show the clip of Thomas just hanging
onto those young girls.
He's like, oh yeah.
I think it's gonna be time to have a topless ceremony.
Okay, yeah, you're really playing this off, buddy.
And then Whitney's like,
you're like the Hugh Hefner of Geraldston.
Way to keep a current, YouTube.
So Catherine drives, Catherine's
in her Jeep and crazy boots. Yes. She has contoured her face to the end degree. I mean, she
looked like she was applying to be on face off that show on sci-fi. She has a distinct
line on her jaw where it goes from like anchor lady makeup to like basically
Heather Gray underneath it. It's anchor lady garden elf princess fairy.
Good job, Patrick. Catherine, you do not have a trapezoidal jaw, okay? That line should not be there.
So she's visiting Danny,
one of our regular supporting characters.
And Catherine is telling us about failing her drug test
and how it was one of the lowest points in her life
and it was mortifying and humiliating,
but it was also terrible and she feels like she failed
and she's just basically really herming a lot. She's like, herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ashamed. Those are kind of all the same thing, but okay, all stick it,
because you're sober. So, you know,
yeah, points for showing up.
Yeah, exactly. So, she's,
I think that was the most disappointed I've ever felt to myself.
And I thought Thomas.
And I once
did an Amazon Prime purchase of one
of those things that has all the
gag reviews on it. I tried to raise
my first baby in a plexiglass box
like an X-man. And then he grew
up and he destroyed the satchel
liberty. And I was even more ashamed of this than that. I need a drink.
So Danny's like, house life.
Danny's trying to be all positive,
which is the best way to be around Catherine
because the juxtaposition is hilarious.
Danny's like, house life, house everything going.
Look, I have a deck on the river.
She's like, well, everything's terrible.
Man, I went to rehab.
I'm so proud of you
My mom said there's a flight book and so I got on it. Oh
Really wasn't
So basically we learned that now Catherine doesn't like universe node and because someone's got to hate Jennifer
Snowden ever season for no good reason
But Catherine doesn't like Snowden because Thomas spent all of Lassies and talking about
what a sneak and deplorable person that Jennifer Snowden was.
And then the reunion comes around.
He's like, I think that Jennifer Snowden is a woman of a high moral caliber.
And she's got the faba of a true woman of America.
And so now Katherine suspicious that something happened when Jennifer Snowden and Thomas, which is hilarious because something did happen at one point, like they were
open about that. So I don't. Yeah, I'm gonna see chose to be mad about it later. Yeah, that
was a whole weird thing with Catherine because she's like, that's my best friend. She's the
most supportive person ever. And then Thomas was like, you're hanging around that Snowden girl.
She's like, I hate her now. What happened? Like she got back together with Thomas for one day. I've
been decided to hate Snowden again. It's really odd. And meanwhile, I don't know if her
snowden was very supportive of Catherine, even if it may have been for some ulterior motives.
And now Snowden has had this, this baby with like complications and Catherine's like, I don't care.
So whatever, but speaking of which
Cameron complicated them being born to that loser.
Nothing more complicated than being born
and not having Amazon Prime having to wait five days for your baby rattles show up.
You can't expect someone to be a good person when they're constantly
snowed in. Get it.
Just getting Catherine to my have that sense of humor. But they also
were doing a good job at just nailing land in on everything.
Cause land is trying this thing this year where she's like, oh,
it was really hard for me last year, but I'm a good person.
And the editors are not having it. Like, remember, the reunion
when landen was laughing about Catherine failing her drug
test and losing her children?
Yeah.
So, then we go over to, we follow Cameron as she goes to visit Snowden, because Cameron's
like, I have decided that I do not want children, but I'm going to go visit Snowden to see
what motherhood would be like if our single mom and say
an desperate, which is what she is, but she says sweet.
So I'm living my truth and that truth is an empty womb.
Yeah.
And Snowden is like, hi, welcome.
Yeah, it's great.
I love him.
I'm a newborn.
Guess what?
His poop smells like apple sauce.
Wait a convinced Cameron otherwise.
I was so funny and she makes it
just because she has all these baby clothes.
It really does look like a baby store
and Cameron's like, oh my God,
it looks like a baby store in here.
She goes, well, start to look like my closet,
you know, because you have all the different size clothes.
Like, there's how I used to be and then there's
fat clothes and then there's's I'm start to lose weight
Close and cameras like oh, yeah, that reminds me here. I got you a stuffed whale
Like Jesus Christ. I think I think I can't just be like was this news weight close
I I don't know if I've ever needed to do that. I've just sort of been
I've just been like this just kind of like perfect body for like. That's why I'm okay with 20 years. 20 years.
It's also they've spelled this baby's name because everybody in Charleston has to have a fucked
up way of spelling their name.
It's like the white privilege spelling of names where they're like, I day you to try and
spell my child's name in Charleston.
So it's Asher, but it's a SCHER. And I figure it's funny that she is strange.
Yeah, it is.
It's usually I've never seen this.
Normally, ASCH.
I've seen it both ways.
ASCHER.
But I just thought it was funny that of course,
Noden has a baby that's named Asker.
That's all she ever does.
Asher, you want me to ask Catherine something? Do you want me to
ask Tom? Is something? Do you want me to ask me something? Maybe it's maybe a Asker. Well, we learned that
Catherine hasn't called Snowden and Cameron's like, well, Snowden, you're always the bigger person
and Snowden, she just goes, yeah, you know, I just love to love people.
Make sure to. I've actually been on your side because I think you got like you were just basically the brunt of Thomas's awfulness last season, but don't say stupid things like that.
I just love to love people.
Well, at least you followed it up with, but I'll kick your ass to you because I'd love to. Oh, yeah. I'm ready to see what's going on because Snowden really, you know, and due to her name,
probably it's the numerology, but Snowden has been very stealth.
And she gets caught in things, but nobody really understands what things they are.
Like, I don't think any fan of the show can really peg what she's done wrong.
You know, it's like, yeah, why won't Trump just let her back into the country?
Why?
Yeah, I would like to, at some point, do an infographic on the show,
because there are so many characters
that are all intertwined in strange ways,
and they just keep on adding more and more to this universe.
I love it.
And it's hard to remember because you're trying
to get all intellectual, and then it's like,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,, the Doom, the Doom, the Doom, the Doom. That's like no matter what happens, it ends with some like the WB frog coming on in a top
hat, McCay, you know, or at least some cartoons from the band Disney movie.
Song of the South.
Yeah, exactly.
Which my screenwriting professor wrote.
Thank you very much.
That's the name drop.
That's right.
I learned screenwriting from the guy who wrote the racist band Disney movie.
That's right.
I love that sink in.
Yeah, let's just let that sit there for a minute.
I was taught by Song of the South.
Oh, what a beautiful morning.
Oh, wait, sorry, that's Oklahoma.
Song of the South is zipity, dude.
Zipity, day.
That was like the one takeaway that got into pop culture.
The one thing that stuck out.
Oh my, what a wonderful day.
Look at black people
Anyway speaking of black people Craig and Sepper playing
It's opposite day so Craig chef is at the batting cages. He's like gosh
I got to talk with Craig not spoke with the Naomi. I got to talk to Craig
So Craig isn't there of course and he And he's like, Craig's like, he calls up Craig.
And Craig's like, yeah, man, I'll be there in eight minutes.
I just got to get these drops from my eyes.
And so, Shep is like, okay, so they cut away.
Craig, you know that Craig doesn't like Shep,
because he's like, hey, Shep, yeah, like I'm not
in the neighborhood.
Yeah.
I was a little disappointed, by the way, that Catherine,
that neither Catherine nor Cameron
told their respective guests that they were in the neighborhood.
Or host, I should say.
So then we cut away from the batting
cages, and we go to Landon, who is,
she's working on Rome, her website, Rome, ROAM,
and now she has interns, which is hilarious.
And she's like, well, you know, this is a real important project
for me.
It's like really personal.
And I really want to, I think people
will be proud of how far it's come along.
Because now we have, you know, the website's actually
on a computer.
No.
I think, oh, it's so amazing.
Not come.
You're going to be able to travel like a local.
And then her business partner goes, yes, not like you. I mean, this one's able to travel like a local. And then her business partner goes,
yes, not like you.
I mean, this one's gonna be like,
you want a great burger?
Here's a great burger.
You know what Yelp is?
That's like literally what Yelp is.
I love how her head intern is super eager and active
with everything.
You know, she's like,
yeah, I think it's a great website, Landon.
I think you're doing a great job with this. And I love Landon. She's like thinking know, she's like, yeah, I think it's a great website, Landon. I think you're doing a great job at this.
And I love Landon.
She's like, thinking big.
And she's like, you know, like, I can't help but think about like hotels, like in booking
hotels and what sort of couple get.
And the intern goes, wait a sec.
That's face two.
Yeah.
Cause she actually said she goes, I want to see if we can book hotels and then get a cut.
She's like, wait, that's face two. Wow. So what is this? This is just
what you put together. Yeah.
Is there even a search engine? I like it.
The truth is this like sponsored by Yelp, because you know, it's going to have one of
those little Yelp things at the bottom like, bam, by Yelp.
I'm just concerned about the business model that That phase one is install a WordPress template.
Phase two is get a cut out of Marriott.
That's a pretty aggressive jump there.
Now, this someone posted a really funny picture
on the Facebook, they're like,
do you guys notice how Landon's business partner hates her?
And it's just a picture of Landon
and this girl just giving her a look from hell. I didn't notice that the picture is hilarious so thank you for
posting but I did think watching the scene I was like this girl is gonna be hateful the
business partner and I can tell things in different ways but this is one of my fail safe
ways eyebrows this woman has these big bushy eyebrows. She ain't gonna do shit to
those eyebrows and I don't trust a person like that. Like she's just like this. Yeah, they're filled
with like fuck you. I'm gonna have my eyebrows have where I want the world's gonna tell me to do my
eyebrows. Well, fuck you. I'm not pretty girl. I'm like, oh my god. It's like large march over there
with a giant bushy eyebrows. This is not gonna end well
Well, we see later in the episode that she's plotting her takeover. Yes
So I'm so sorry Ben, but just one more thing she goes
Yeah, because Lantin likes to shoot for the moon and I'm here to make sure that we just get to the stars like
So we're you
I'm I'm I'm I'm telling these stars are farther away than the moon, but that's okay, bitch
How do I start a website on roaming the universe? Okay, then you don't understand
She's like she's shooting for the moon, but I'm gonna hold her back to pleat out, okay? Yeah, I was like I just hear eyebrows
I just hear eyebrows. So.
Yeah.
I just hear undermining.
So then we go back to the cages and it's like half an hour later and Craig finally shows
up, which is just shady because this chef doesn't even barely even make some big deal
about it.
That's just the editor is being shady.
Yeah.
And I was like eight minutes and then shows up half an hour later, which is funny, which
is annoying.
Right.
So it's funny that they're making,
I thought it was funny that they're making Craig play baseball
when they just had this whole thing last episode
that like everyone in Craig's family was a jock,
except for Craig, and he was like not a good jock.
And Craig was like, yeah, I love baseball.
I wanted to be the major leagues when I was a kid.
So that way I'd finally fit in with my family.
Yeah, figures that's where Shep has him film.
So I was just always looking at for Craig. Also, when we were doing a recap of the
preview that lasted an hour for 20 seconds of preview, I was like, I think Craig
is on some serious drugs. Look at his eyes in that scene. Well, it's because he
had a big swollen eye. Yes.
From his cat. So is either drugs or cat allergies?
Like, yeah, well, Gisbo will sleep the next to be. So I think that's it.
And it just goes, huh? Yeah, then on a similar vein. So Craig gets
into the batting cage. And he's like, I just want to see one like get
thrown first. So then the machine throws a ball and he goes,
oh, I just, I was just, I was fine. They kept that in his like disappointment with the
aggressiveness of the ball. Should somebody come out here and put this on a, on a pole,
some kind of team ball. I wanted to be, I wanted to be in the, in the major leagues when I
was like, when I was like, that was my dream. I was actually a varsity. Gosh, Craig, you only played T-Ball.
Host varsity, P.D.
So I did.
That was pretty sweet.
I was the oldest guy in Little League.
So, Chef tells him, well, Glouars, you know, I talked to Naomi at that party and I hope you didn't take a fence.
And he goes, oh, you talked to Naomi, why shouldn't you?
You're like brother and sister.
You could talk to her or whatever you want.
It's, we're cool.
We're best friends still, right?
We're clearly still on the same text chain.
So Naomi didn't go tell Craig everything, which is, you know, pretty smart of Naomi because
she doesn't want to get him wound up, but also kind of surprising.
So she's so she pretty much just starts, starts saying and he's like, so how long did you
know that you didn't graduate from law school?
And Chris, like, I always knew.
And he's like, I never said that if you'd listen to my words, I never said that I never
grad that I ever graduated.
And then they cut to a flashback of him in Delaware with his family being like yeah.
Well, I graduate.
No, they go, did you graduate and he goes, uh, yeah.
Yeah, because what?
Well, when he said it as a joke, when he was like, well, assuming you did graduate and
he's like, yeah, I graduated.
The tech player, they said, yeah, so.
Uh, and then chef was like, yeah, but I was with you when you dropped off the test.
Where did that go?
Like, chef is so obsessed with where that envelope went.
I honestly, I get it though because honestly, he's like, what, what, what's going on?
This is so shady.
I just want to get to the bottom of this, you know?
And so Craig is like, he's like, yeah, it went to the bar.
And he's like, so what about the money?
It's just sitting there at the bar office.
He's like, yeah, when did it expire?
Well, it's only good for the next test.
So it's gone.
What about the money you paid?
He's like, yeah, I lost it, but it's my fault.
So it's cool.
I'm like, I guess if you're a piece of it, it's fine,
but this is weird Craig.
Craig?
Oh, they show, I mean, look, no, I mean, we just don't agree on it because they showed the
preview clips again.
I'm not the preview, the reunion clips again.
And they already fought about all this like they made Craig admit that he never finished
school and that, you know, the thing and chef just can't let it go, but he hasn't talked
to him since then.
And Craig's just like, can we just let this die?
Like do we need to talk about this over and over?
And he's like, here we are in this bad engage, something you failed at to talk about this
paper of a thing you never took.
And I'm going to make you admit it.
And Craig's just like not wanting to admit it.
So Chef goes, well, you know what I think, gosh, I think you don't want to be a lawyer and Craig goes,
yeah, well, I think you're a loser and you're unhappy
and you don't have a girlfriend.
Because like, why else would you be coming after me
after all this time?
Like, my, I hurts.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't, I don't think that Craig is necessarily wrong.
But I think that like, it's not outrageous.
If you have a friend who is saying that they're doing this whole hall of blue about,
yeah, I've come back, I'm a new guy, I've got my motivation, I'm gonna get my job back,
I'm gonna apply for the bar, everything's gonna turn around.
And all that time, they're fully just lying to you because they never even finished college.
And they're just saying that like, then wondering to be like uh what's going on
and like do like I even understand I can't be upset with it but they know what happened the guys
just humiliated it this way. But I think at this you know but at this point they're all well but they
he also made them like in their minds they're like well now we look like like that like that was
the fact that you were lying to us is kind of offensive. So this is our, we're gonna like have a moment with this.
But actually, even more than that, I think that what they're they're feeling right now is like,
gosh, like you clearly don't want to be a lawyer.
So just like, oh, no, oh, no, baby.
And like do something else, but stop.
Please stop with this charade again that you want to be a lawyer.
But I love Sep's argument.
Cause Cricks like what is a battery and steps like because we disassociated.
Yes.
This is a man.
You have a group text.
And now we have a separate group text.
You're not even on that group text.
Greg, don't you realize how bad things have gotten?
Gosh. Like now it's just me and Whitney and Cameron. Don't you realize how bad things have gotten? Gosh
Like now it's just me a Whitney and Cameron. You're not even there
And he's like, well, you don't even have confidence in your arguments
You have to rope in Cameron and Whitney now they hate me
Like what could I do to you to prove that I'm not a liar?
And he goes nothing and he goes then just drop it all right?
I'm a liar so then drop it then
And he's like crying Craig's logic was like all weird sense and he goes then just drop it, all right? I'm a liar, so then drop it then.
And he's like crying.
But Craig's logic was like all weird.
Oh, me, 50 cents.
Paid for those balls.
Gosh, but Craig's logic was sort of weird
because it was like, you don't have to be obsessed with it
because I was open about the fact that I was lying.
And so now, I don't know, I couldn't follow it.
I thought I was just hilarious. And I loved the fact that I was lying. And so now, I don't know, I couldn't follow it. I thought I was just hilarious.
And I loved the fact that like,
sheeps way of giving him the root awakening.
The scared straight moment was,
you've been dropped from a group text.
Like, we have our own group text now.
That's how bad it's gotten.
Oh, so then it's like,
and we go to Cameron and her friend, Chelsea.
Chelsea.
Now Chelsea, we have to mention someone tweeted at us and I'm sorry, I forgot who it was
or wrote a comment.
Chelsea was on Survivor One World and she was the runner up and the funny thing was I didn't
even remember.
I remember the girl who won one world and I remember other cast members, but I was like,
who won one was? I'm not sure I watched that one. I don't
want to frame that girl Kim. Okay, I just see that one. But that was only a few years ago. And I know that was some of the survivor people fall, you know, out of out of
out of mind, but this she came in second place. That means she had like a lot of screen time
and I, she even got a few votes.
I couldn't remember her for the life of me.
I don't care about that.
They look so different in makeup.
Like when they show up to the finale
and they're all wearing makeup and clothes,
I'm like, well, those people are actually decent looking.
I can see why they're cast.
Yeah, I think it's also because Kim was so dominant
that season that there was like no point
even thinking about anyone else.
Well, I love any scene where Cameron is eating because she's always like, I'll have the nacho flavored french fries with corn nuts, a doctor pepper and some mayonnaise on the side,
please. Yeah, fucking bitch. Every time she does something like that. I know. So they're going
to Cameron and Chelsea are hanging out there. And um, we know So they're going to, Cameron and Charles, you're hanging out there.
And we know that they're going to be going to land in Stingley at a land time event to
show off.
It's like a, it's like a soft opening for her website where she's, you get criticism or
whatever.
It didn't really make sense.
She just,
I'm just bringing the side pads.
So we could pass them around instead of paper.
I'm like, how about you make your website mobile friendly
and then if we can look at it on their phones?
So, we learned that Whitney may or may not be showing up
because he just met a model.
And, you know, I mean, I, come on.
He met a model in the back of the thrifty nickel, you know.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Responding to your ad for, you know. Yeah, yeah, exactly responding to your ad for, you know, $8 an hour to be on camera for
this show.
So I love that everybody when they saw this girl's like, oh, that's a whole.
Yeah.
So Cameron is basically trying to push Chelsea on to Chef because she just thinks they'll
be so amazing.
And she's like, she's literally the female version of Shep,
except she's not a whore.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
And this girl, Chelsea's like, well,
when he's not wasted and slapping all over himself,
I guess there's more that I want to get to know.
She's like, well, that's never gonna happen.
Never mind.
All right, we'll start looking for a new guy for you.
But Cameron's, you know, she's like,
well, you know, they have more in common than she thinks.
I mean, they both like hunting, they both like fishing.
She's like, she was on survivor.
He listens to survivor.
He's surviving like he's known what I'm saying.
The search is over.
He's technically still alive, which means he survived.
So they've got tons in common.
So then they we cut to the guys at the brewery.
It's Whitney ship and this new guy Austin, Austin who looks a lot like this guy.
I went to middle school with, um, in Kormack.
And the reason why I mentioned that is because Kormack's fiance, perhaps
are married now.
She listens to this podcast.
So hi there.
Hi there. You got a
shadow back like insist on showing his button scenes, but then he had a lot of zits that he couldn't
see from his angle. No, no, thank you. I get a lot of core Mac. I'd like to thank you. I get a lot
of core Mac from Austin for yeah. Chefs just just everybody knows. Yeah, this new guy is Austin. He's a Lothario like us.
And what he's like, yeah, I've heard mother.
Let's talk about.
And she has like, are we rivals?
Moss is like, um, and now, uh,
Austin likes, like, like,
Eliza Limehouse because of the Lime houses,
the Lime House of the Ravenels.
When he's like, welcome to the club.
So they're talking about all the huddies
at the pool parties.
These guys, the more they hang out together
as the seasons pass, the Saturday get.
I know.
They just get sad.
And then Shepp is sitting there with his mouth full of food.
He's got like a full burger that he's chomping on and he's like
So gosh
I heard this gossip about about land in and there these like app guys they have this app called yacht me
Was it yacht me or yacht men? What I don't know what this app was was something about yachts and basically
They had bad things to say about land and essentially she, she went up to Nantaka with these guys
and she criticized their logo and then started saying things like,
I don't care about money because I've already got everything it's paid for.
So I don't like, I don't hang out with millionaires,
I don't only billionaires.
And stuff's like, they were horrified, disgusted, and disappointed.
I didn't really understand what was happening.
I mean, there was like an app for yachts and they were all up in the end target.
I mean, this is like the whitest gossip I'd ever heard.
It sounds like, you know, knows some old white dudes spending a bunch of money.
And he's like, well, I'll introduce him to land in. And then she just made a ass out of herself as she always does. And Austin's like, well, that's
to you back because she seemed to have to earth. And he's like, and now I look like a stylist like,
hey, did you hear what she said? Oh, gosh. It was so offensive. mainly because the idea of shop styling anything is very offensive.
Yeah, it's like one of those people who cut your hair, but they don't like comb bears.
You're like, wait a minute.
Mediocre Sam's.
So, yeah.
So, Greg and Naomi, Naomi comes home to Craig.
This is trying to like five melted candles that are melted all over the table. This is
great because Naomi's talking about like her day where she's essentially
studying for an NBA and working in all this and Craig and she's like I see I
don't even know what Craig does and they cut to the finish of Craig giving his
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It was a whole lot of times.
He's like, he's like wheel bearing him around the yard
and then they show him inside while he's cooking
the cats next to him and he's like, hey cat
What's up? Do you like this?
And they're in bed together. He's like, yo, what's up cat? Good day, right?
It's like his little best friend
It was like so funny and adorable
So she's like, well, how is your meeting with chapap and he's like, it sucked. It was like an ambush or a
attack. Yeah, he said I was like about wanting to take the bar
like what? She goes, well, in his defense, your circumstances
are a bit different. Yes.
This is where his logic was confusing me. I started saying it before.
This is where it was because he's like, I don't have anything to prove anymore because,
you know, I've been honest about lying.
So I don't have anything to prove.
I'm like, you have to prove that you're not going to be lying all the time.
That's why I have to prove Greg.
And I like that she is kind of smarter this season because she keeps dropping hints to us.
You know, she says, you know, my perfect world, he would be focusing on the bar and then
become a lawyer and then I'd finish, you know, school and I'd become whatever.
And then we'd have money and we'd travel and be happy.
But I mean, that's hard to work and I'm not as babysitter.
I'm as girlfriends.
So I'm just going to watch him try and find a wick on this table. Camel that he melted out three weeks ago and hope the cat doesn't start on fire.
I'm sure giving kitty cat train rides is really rewarding too. I mean I would
love to go to Italy but you know I guess it'd be nice to sit on the back
porch and watch watch Craig give our cat a little ride in our red wagon. I mean, cats have feelings, so I'm happy.
So, uh, yeah, so, so Craig is talking about this text message situation, everything.
And I love that.
And he goes, I hope Cameron isn't going behind your back and saying stuff.
I'm like, he's Cameron.
So she probably is.
Yes.
You've seen this.
So, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. She's like, not on probably is. You've seen this so, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
She's like, not on iMessage, not Cameron.
So then at the party, please tell me it's not a Facebook group.
Please tell me it's not an Instagram group.
Those are the worst.
So Landon's getting ready for her party.
She's in a robe and she's like, oh, I can't wait
to my friend see.
Like, I have a job.
I'm not just do-do-doing around.
And I wrote down down this is feeling
very she by Shirey right now, but yeah she calls down to her interns she's like okay guys just
you know let me know when you're ready. You know like we're ready. Okay. So she calls Thomas and leaves
the voice mail and she's like um um, hi, um, some land.
I hope you're coming tonight, cause I would love to see you.
Awkward.
And then it goes to Thomas.
I just wrote obligatory naked Thomas shots.
Thomas loves those words.
He's like, well, camera crew, come on in here.
I'm taking a shower.
You can catch my hot naked Thomas body.
Did you get the saying of my butt crack?
Got a new dimple on the ratchik boys.
I particularly enjoyed watching him scratch his nipple.
That was nice.
And like after save on it stupid.
Yeah.
So then we go to this event and Landon's friend show up and then T-Rav shows up and then
that guy Drew who sort of Land landings like boyfriend but not.
Uh, she keeps introducing him as her friend. He shows up in a tuxedo and she's like, well,
you know, he doesn't have a lot of money. I'm like, well, that's a huge overcompensation
then showing up in a tuxedo, but he's actually going to a wedding. Um, Eliza, Eliza Lombhouse is
there, Cameron, Gelsa, Chris, and of course Craig shows up with his giant collar, that ridiculous collar from that shirt with the stripes.
Like, oh, Craig.
Yeah, he's wearing two.
He's like a color over a collar.
Yeah, it was weird.
He was like, don't call her in it.
Austin and Shepshop.
And then when he shows up with his daisy, the model, I mean, she had to be croaked out
or something like that.
And he even says, this is my escort for the evening.
And Cameron's like, escort, and she goes, yeah.
And then Daisy and Cameron just started nerding out
over each other's accents,
because Cameron's like, oh my gosh,
I love your accent.
And Daisy's like, oh, I love your accent too.
Yes, I saw the Lordeys.
And they're both like, you speak, you speak, you speak.
You speak. Cameron's like, she's a horrible and chana shop and then chef they they meet
chef and Daisy's like what is what what was her accent where she from I think
it was Australian and she's like what's your name and he goes? She goes, oh, she can't whistle it. You then lock this
He's like shap like shampered. Yeah
Shepers pie Michael got a whore from up from a sheep farm
So then Cameron come to the front
He's killing the season
so then Cameron confronts Craig and is like, Craig and Craig, Craig is like, gosh, like,
you know, she'll have told me that you guys have a text chain without me. She's like,
no, well, you know, listen, I don't care about whether or not you take the bar,
but I do have to admit we have a group chat where we make fun of your Instagram.
We have a group chat. We're make fun of your Instagram.
He goes, it feels like high school. And she's like, uh, did he have velvet polo outfits in high school to be on Instagram? And I don't think so because look at this.
And she's showing pictures from Instagram. And he's like, velvet polo pants.
Walking down a runway, probably outside my army's house, you know. She's like, I'm sorry, but that shit's funny.
And she's like, well, come on, let's talk. I don't want to be a bully. And he goes, no.
Like, if Shep doesn't want to be my friend, then that's cool. He doesn't have to be my friend, because well, this is awkward.
So then Shep starts flirting with Chelsea, and it's like lame. And he's like, she's like, you look nice. And he's like yeah she's like you look nice and he's like you look
like a cream sickle yeah we belong together um our famous popsicle flirt yes it always works you
look like a push up pop you look like one of those frog things those good humor frogs you know
was chocolate on the back and him and him's. Yeah, it's a compliment. So meanwhile the intern tells
Whitney she wouldn't need says something like like so. Did you read he makes a
joke like so did you write all the comments? She's like yeah yeah she's like I
brought it I brought all the copy and then she gives us this look and like oh oh
yeah I just cut away.
I never trust those eyebrows.
So Chef hugs to that with Naomi, partner.
Okay, so the partner is showing Chef now.
She's like, okay, this is Rome,
and these are the guys of Rome,
and Chef is like the main picture on this app
and he goes, whoa, you have a laptop.
She's like, I just got one.
Yeah.
And meanwhile, Trab is giving his very informed opinion
of on the website.
He's like, well, it's not pixelated.
It's very hot death.
And that's good.
Did you hear him go, London has really good oral skills.
And then him and Whitney started cracking up like classy.
Right. Class. Yes. So Chelsea's getting on hit on by some hot gay guy and Cameron's like,
shit, there are two men chasing Chelsea now and he goes, what should I do? She goes, light your
claim. I love the anti-feminist bent on this show. Yeah. I know. But then chef, but chef is actually reverse anti-feminist, a.k.a.
sort of feminist because he's like, she's a grown woman. If she likes me, she'll talk with me.
And she finds someone that's better than me. She'll talk with him. I don't have to go chase her.
I think I don't own anyone free love. And then the scene before when he was with the guys, he's like,
I mean, come on. I don't care. She hooks up with this is America, American's fuck.
Yeah.
So then she's talking to land in about Rome or whatever.
And he's getting some info about her trip.
I think he's starting to get the info about the trip to Nantake.
And then while they're talking Chelsea walks up and then it's super awkward
because he's like into Chelsea. But then he had that weird moment with land
Where she said that she loved chef and you could just see he was like gosh, how do I get out of this?
Should we talk about Craig? We talk about Craig. Look at his collar. It's like a runway
And also he's about to bring up his ship bitch side and he's like do I do this in front of Chelsea?
He's about to bring up his shed bitch side and he's like do I do this in front of Chelsea and Gorge
Just real quick right before this land and then Thomas are talking and he's like great job And she goes thank you. Yeah, I think his persistence is omnipotence
Maybe meant omnipresent or
Did you say I just said that what the fuck is he saying he didn't say that right?
Persistence is omnipotence. I'm like if you're not
Landon got a working demo together. So she now sees everything like God. Yeah, so chef is starting in on land in
And but she's not taking you need the hints
Yeah, and he's like it's great. She goes you see it exists
You can even do it on your phone one day
I kiss me purpose and he's like, it's great. And she goes, you see it exists. You can even do it on your phone one day. All right, gives me purpose.
And he's like, yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, like, let me give you some humble advice.
Like in the tech industry, you gotta have slow growth.
Humble calculated.
And she's like, yeah, humble is key.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
So then he likes to sit down and it's like, listen I heard that you were real bitch of the yacht guys in the Nantucket
She's like what? I was like he's like, yeah, you know, they're like investors. They're powerful. They could help you
They could help your site and instead you're like making fun of them. She's like, well
I don't want to be featured and something that look like a dating app
I don't want to be featured and something that looks like a dating app. This now makes me really want to see what this app looks like so I could really know whether or not land in this, you know, full of it or not.
Yacht dating.
And then she's like, well, oh, that's when he said, and they said that you hang out with Billy, you know, hang out with Millionaires, only billionaires, course landing. She's like, oh, no, that I didn't say in it bothers me.
Cause that was not me. And I was, you know, what, I was really upset with
how they treated me to. And he's like, uh, uh, he's, she's trying to you
are them, you know, and he's like, no, and she says, well, they're talking bad
about me because you know, there's not the point. Like, you need to be more polite.
She's like, well, when I'm not bitching,
I'm being taken advantage of them.
When I don't let myself get taken advantage of them,
I'm a bitch.
It's like I can't win.
Chef is basically saying to her,
you have to start thinking like a wasp, okay?
You may not have liked the logo
or maybe didn't want to be featured on the app,
but rather than going in on them,
you just sort of make a pleasant excuse
or you say something sort of non-committal
and get out of the situation instead of just,
like they have money, you gotta maintain those relationships.
That's essentially what he's saying.
Yeah, and I think it's just trying to impress them
by being an asshole because like people who are trying
to be seen better than they are often jump to just being critical, which, hey, that's
in my purse.
I've been guilty of that too.
I've recognized that in myself a long time ago, where you're just that, you think that
that makes you smarter or like you look like you know what you're doing when it just kind
of makes you look stupid.
So I always kind of feel bad for Landon, even though I know she's an evil cow.
And so she's like well
He's my ship has never even had a job and he's telling me how to behave
And he's like kill him with kindness garsh and she's like this was supposed to be a fun job of your life
And he rained on my parade and then she goes to eyebrows partner and she's like well
I mean basically ship just told me it was a straight-up bitch
Yeah, I was not really what he said, but...
That wasn't. He was just trying to say, like, don't act like that in front of people who have money.
He can help your site.
So we're gonna have some sort of fighting with these two this season.
Yeah. So then, now we go to a scene of Chelsea and Shep getting drinks.
And I was like, oh, they're on their date, but nope, they're not on the date, because here comes Cameron.
And they get a bunch of drinks, like, weekend at Bernie's, some sort of, like, ooh, they're on their date, but nope, they're not on the date because here comes Cameron. And they get a bunch of drinks like week in at Bernie's,
some sort of like milky orange,
it looked like a Thai iced tea,
whatever this cocktail was, but they loved it.
And she goes, well, this is a good spot and he goes,
yeah, and she goes, they probably don't have bedwizer here.
And he goes, well, winning Rome.
I was like, oh, why do you have to bring up land in your
on a date?
Yeah, and sure enough, he starts gossiping about how land in what what she was doing in
and talk it and everything.
And I don't remember what really happened.
I just know that the episodes were just ended.
And I was like, wait, I what?
Because they're like next time on something charm.
I was like, wait, I thought we're in the middle of a date,
like a, with Cameron.
And it was kind of a weird ending.
But then it was next time on Southern Charm.
And it's after it at a model agency.
And she's like, I used to be a model.
And she's like, well, you're kind of older now.
And after it's not wearing any makeup
and she just gives her that look like,, it was like it was like an angry arm
So good so good
That brings us to the end of this baby
Breeze the end of Southern charm, but you know what it doesn't it bring us the beginning of some crap is male bag
Sweet, beautiful crap and smell bag. We neglected you last week, but we're here to read more questions out of you.
So when we start with Dearest Benjamin Cohen, he says, first a statement.
Every time I see a picture of Lala, Kathy Dennis' touch me all night long plays in my head.
She is a relic of 90s, urban white girl glam.
Couldn't agree more.
Oh my God.
That's not long.
Touch me, feel me.
I would also argue that I'm...
I would also argue that Kathy Dennis' seminal ballad, whatever it's called, the one about the walls.
That one also should comment your head.
Remember that one?
Okay. So now on to the question. Is Bravo suffering without Andy Cohen as an executive?
It seems that without him as an executive vice president,
a lot of shows are greenlit that shouldn't never see the light of day.
Man's out with children stunk on ice and got rid of it for three seasons.
Long Island princesses and secrets and wives were amazing,
but only got one season.
Potomac and Dallas are lackluster.
If it costs the public watch what happens live
in Radio Andy, is it worth having him back in charge?
No.
Yeah.
I don't know if those were,
that's, I think it's actually a great question.
And I think.
It's hard for us to really know
because we don't know how much involvement he has in each show.
Yeah.
I agree.
Because people think that he's a creator of the housewives,
he's not, that's somebody else.
He didn't create that.
He came on, you know, after it was already established
and a thing.
So I'm not really sure how much he has.
And I think a lot of the housewives
has been doing better than ever.
Like Atlanta's been doing great without Nini and Kim,
which who knew that would happen?
You know, it's still the highest rated one. Beverly Hills people were towards the end
of the season where people complain a lot about it, but I think it's still doing pretty
well. They had a pretty decent season. Orange County had one of its best ever. New York
had one of its best ever. And their news shows actually seem to be doing well. So.
They've found actually some sub franchises. I mean, below deck now has below deck med.
Southern charm will now have some Southern charm savanna.
Vanderpump rules is, I mean, well, Vanderpump rules
is a spin off onto itself.
But so that doesn't count.
Because that's part of the real house
was universe ultimately.
But also, Maritum medicine has spin off, which they kind of buried.
But the point is that they do have, they do have like sub hits in the mix there.
And as much as we like to give Andy, just, you know, when we talk about Andy, I think
Andy does a really good job as the watch what crap is host and the reunion host.
Like he's sort of slid into that niche and he does a good job, you know, I don't watch
what happens that much, but people seem to really like it and he's kept that going
and grown it.
I mean, they got a new set.
That says something, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess the point is I'm not sure whether or not princesses Long Island would have gotten
a second season if Andy Cohen were there.
In fact, I think he still wasn't executive there when that show came through. So I don't know.
I think it's only been three years since he stepped down as the whatever the head, whatever.
Yeah.
He took a smaller role.
Okay. Oliver Haskins asks, when either vaginal rejuvenation or liquid nitrogen are discussed
on Bravo, I become susceptible to shopping for items in the background. Last year, I took your advice and bought a Carol Radzeville brass orchid
mister this year.
This year, while I am tempted by the zero gravity chair, I am thinking of buying
those food-sized tweezers from top chef.
Is this a wise choice or should I just use a fork to recreate Shirley's oddly named cuisine?
That I actually also really like that question. I would say get them. Why not?
I say if you can afford to shop on Amazon do it. I mean, it is one of those things that has brought such joy to my life
I've been full on Catherine Dennis up in here. You know, I've actually taken the month off from Amazon because
I've been irresponsible with my money in this text time
So I've had to be very careful with my Amazon spending and the other day
I forgot that I'd ordered something from China like probably two or three months ago
And I finally got it in the mail and I forgot that I'd even ordered it and just the feeling like carrying the
Boom and then my dog barking at the door
and then getting mad at my dog and then going out to see what it is all mad but then finding a gift
from China. That's great. It's such a nice feeling. It is. But Oliver, before you get the food-sized
tweezers, I would suggest if your chopstick skills are not great, maybe do some chopstick work,
because you may not need the tweezers if you got chopsticks.
So that might be...
You look like kind of a dick, you know, twezing your food.
I have the food size tweezers, and I was doing that, and I'm like, no one needs a cilantro
place like that.
You fucking faggot.
Drop the tweezers.
You're in your apartment, you know? You know, you never know the demands of Instagram.
Okay. So Jess Dang says, is this the current mailbag? Yes, it is. Anyway, question.
Bethany, Caroline Fleming, Lydia, oh, by the way, sorry to interrupt your own question.
Bethany, Caroline Fleming, Lydia, oh by the way, sorry to interrupt your own question. Caroline Fleming has learned how to do Instagram stories now, and it's just really added a
great new dimension to clear the flame.
We'll have to revisit that maybe next week.
But anyway, question.
Bethany, Caroline Fleming, Lydia and Portia are playing Secret Hitler.
Who is fascist?
Who is liberal?
Impressions please.
I can't even imagine these women playing that game.
I can't even imagine.
I think Caroline Fleming is probably Hitler.
Fake Hitler, Secret Hitler.
And I think it would be great
because you play innocent all the time.
Every time a liberal policy would pass you.
But isn't this wonderful?
A liberal policy passing?
What a wonderful day for liberalism. I think most people would think that Bethany would be
secret Hitler, but she's not really secret about anything. And I think she'd surprised people
with a lot of her opinions on politics. I think that she'd be like, what people want more food?
All right, give it to him. What do I care? Like who cares? What's the matter?
But people want more food. All right, give it to him.
What do I care?
Like who cares, what's the matter?
Huh?
You're more of a member of the month.
You should either, this is what you do.
If she were a liberal, she should just be interrogating
and she'd be like, okay, what's my, what's my strength?
And what's the strength?
Is that like a fashion shrugger?
Like we pass the liberal policy, like you should be happy.
Like why aren't you happy right now?
Like you should be, you should be smiling.
I'm like, literally I can't, like, literally I can't.
Like if you're gonna be like, like, fashion's like that,
then just be like, just like open a bad it,
but if you can't be fascist, if you can't be like,
open a bad it, then like, I don't get your brand. Like, are you liberal or you're fashion's? Like I can't, it's like, I don't say it too much. Like the, my a cat, like, if you're gonna be like, fascist like that, then just be like, just like, open about it, but if you can't be fascist, if you can't be like, open about it,
then like, I don't get your brand, like,
are you liberal or your fascist?
Like, I can't, it's like, I don't say it too much.
Like, my wall's up, like, I don't see my Berlin wall's up,
I really can't.
But if you were a fascist, if you were a fascist,
which doesn't even make sense,
cause that's like way after Nazis,
but if you were a fascist, this is how she would start
to round.
Okay, I'm a fascist, like, I can't.
And you're like, oh, well, that's the thing,
we just started playing the game. Yeah, I'm a fascist. Like, I have to be mean, like, I have to be honest, like, I just a fascist like I can't. Well, that's the thing we just started playing the game.
I'm a fascist.
I have to be honest.
I'm not even going to play this.
I'm a fascist.
I don't play by your rules.
I do my own rules.
I'm fascist.
Listen, I have to tell you something.
And when I'm telling you this, I'm not trying to hurt you.
Can I tell you this?
Is it about the fascist?
Yes, I'm a fascist.
What are the other options? Well, well, I can imagine Caroline Flaming, as I said, being super hitler because I can imagine her talking about the joy of liberalism and then when
she's out, it's because yes, yes, it is me. I'm secret Hitler. Goodbye. You don't have to leave.
Good bye. You don't have to leave.
And it's wonderful.
I remember being a little young baby Hitler walking amongst the blubbers, the strawberries.
Remember when my great, great, great, great grandfather, Gast your great, great, great, great
grandfather all the times.
They're like Caroline, It's a game.
You don't have to get such a
backstab, which backs the right
year to roll in the game.
Um, Porsche is also in the game.
But what are the other
options? It's fascist, liberal,
secret Hitler or what's the other
way the game works is that
everyone is claiming to be a
liberal, but secretly, you know, two people are fascists and among the fascists, one of them is Hitler. So you're either a liberal a fascist or Hitler.
Okay, so Porti would be like,
I don't have to be fashion no more because now I have dumped team. I can stop myself
Portia just runs out of the house and they're like Portia. What's going on? It's like I'm the fascist
No, no, I told you I was the fastest
And Lydia, I like that Lydia is in the mix here. That's that's a strange one. She was like
Deliberals are all my children.
They actually they actually created this game for me. I said, I just wanted to figure out.
Sometimes I just want to figure out who's a liberal and a fascist and guess what? They made a game just for me. I'll tell you who should run for politics. My daughter would have lovely girl. I tell her, you know what
I'd love? Clean streets and she's out there with a broom.
I saw a fascist walking on the sidewalk and I said, hey, get in here. You could be my daughter
and now she's a liberal. Oh good. That Lydia would even know those
terms is hilarious. By the way, could somebody
please give us some news on Melbourne because I haven't heard whether they're renewing
if they're even shooting. And I know all these new shows are coming out out there. We're
not getting any of them yet. And I'm getting pissed. I need those ladies back.
I think Melbourne is, it's gotta be. If they have, if they have spun off into Sydney, Melbourne
is definitely coming back. It has to try, but they're like, we're not sure if it's coming back.
I don't know. We just we just need Bravo to start airing Sydney or New Zealand. There's
like a bunch of them that Bravo should be airing. Okay, last question, last question,
then we can actually wrap up this mail bag and start a new one. Okay, this is from the Quenetars.
They say, we imagine you as red carpet reporters
screaming out questions in miscellaneous accents
and producers of the original talk soup.
Besides Ben's writing, what would you take away
from crap ends?
So we can selfishly sabotage it.
Whoa, just kidding.
I'm not sure.
What would we take away from it?
It's funny.
I started reading the question as if they were setting up a scenario for us, but they were
actually commenting on us.
So besides Ben's writing, what would you take away from Crappens?
Like what would we maybe do outside of Crappens?
I think maybe.
I think maybe I think
I think I'm like if we if we weren't doing this we would be red carpet reporters or whatever
So what would what would our jobs be if we weren't doing crap ends? Well, I
Would not be a red carpet reporter. I can tell you that right fucking now because I used to work for a reality company as did been and
I had to do that shit sometimes and I was horrified. Like even
when we went to the party the other day that we talked about on the bonus there was a little
red carpet and there were people out there and I was even horrified seeing them because
I'm not the person you want coming up to you being like, hi, oh my god, tell me about
your project coming out on VH1, You know pretending I know who you are.
I don't give a crap and I cannot pretend.
So I wouldn't do, I can say that I wouldn't be doing that.
How about you, if you weren't going to be a writer?
Um, I weren't going to be a writer.
I definitely would not be doing a red carpet shit
because I did that like once or twice.
I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever done.
I think, if I weren I were to be a writer,
I would probably be playing board games.
You know, oddly enough,
I probably would maybe do something in the visual medium,
which is strange.
Like, ISO is, I really like directing.
I don't really have any ambitions
of becoming a director. I've just, I ISO really like directing. I don't really have any ambitions of becoming a director.
I've just, I chose writing as my path,
but I would probably explore that.
And I think I would, oddly enough,
I also really like computer programming.
So I would, I probably would go back,
take some classes in coding, you know,
because the last time I did any sort of professional,
not professional, but like any sort of structured coding was I learned Java and Java script back in like 2001.
So I would get bone up on like how to code apps and stuff like that or like maybe even how to make my own little game.
I am like super into that sort of stuff. I'm going to be performing. I'm an actor. Like I do stand up and improv and stuff like that.
So I would be making more of an effort in that,
in that world.
I make zero effort in it now,
but I've started going out and selling little shows with my friends,
and I really love doing that,
just like producing and putting stuff together,
but mostly for myself,
to do, like making myself jobs.
Yeah, that would be cool.
You know what I might do?
I might try to
capitalize on my sag after a membership because I've been a member of sag for 10 years and I'm not an actor and I haven't even tried to book a acting gig
But I'm in them. I'm in the I'm in the guild
Well, if you're sag you can go to way better auditions than I can go to because I'm not sag
So I get stuck going to really shit shitty auditions, you know?
But you could actually go to really good ones.
You should do it being.
I know.
No, don't do it.
I don't want you to leave me.
No, no.
I think that the thing is this, that would real, first of all,
I'm not an actor, second of all, that would die lead my attention.
You know what I would do?
I would, I would work out more because I'm always complaining that I'm not in shape. I would work out more. That's what I would do. I would definitelyute my attention. You know what I would do? I would work out more because I'm always complaining that I'm not in shape.
I would work out more.
That's what I would do.
I would definitely not do that.
I would really relish the opportunity to work out more.
Even though I honestly have all the time to do it now,
but I feel like what happens is when we're done
with the podcast, I'm like,
I should be working on my writing
and then I go into guilt spiral
and then I don't do anything
because I'm like sitting there feeling guilty
and I don't do it writing and I don't work out.
Maybe if I didn't want to be a writer,
I could go to the gym more.
Well, that's fun.
That's a fun way to end the show, right?
I like all of your other answers better.
Yeah, that was the worst of all time.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. thanks.
It's been such a fun episode and such a great week and Ben, thank you for pulling all
these late nights.
Woo, child.
I know you did it, girl.
I'll do anything for crap and that's what I gotta say.
Well, make sure to love you and we love you guys and we will talk to you next week.
Talk to you next week. Bye everyone.
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