Watch What Crappens - #436 PumpRules: Diss & Makeup

Episode Date: April 19, 2017

"Vanderpump Rules" season 5 ended on an acrimonious note as Scheana and her estranged husband Shay came face to face on part 3 of the reunion. Ben and Ronnie dissect every ounce of the confr...ontation, rigorously defending and attacking all parties involved in order to determine who deserves to come out on top. Plus, lots of other shade too! Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode is sponsored by our premium Patreon subscribers Madonna Hines with a sexy J
Starting point is 00:00:25 Chrissy D'Awardy and Mia Hanson Aloha! Thanks! To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows shows as they air come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends and to follow us on social media go to watch our crap ends.com to find all our social media links and for our bonus episodes and all of our extras come over and be a premium member over at patreon dot com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon dot com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast about all that crap ends, that's Patreon.com and also was Prick Spatial Podcast. What is up Ron Ne? I am winning better. Winning winning better. That's a little sample from Mike Shay's new diss track that he released on Instagram about Sheena and Ronnie and I just recorded this week's bonus
Starting point is 00:02:07 episode which you can get by supporting us on Patreon and we spent the entire episode dissecting that one minute clip that he posted on Instagram. Girl, we went almost an hour on that one thing dissecting all of the lyrics on this song. It's so that was so fun. I've laughed so hard. I'm even that. I feel like saying now. I know. I don't know how we're gonna do podcast today
Starting point is 00:02:29 because I feel like we put everything into that bonus episode. I feel like we had to reach into the depths of our souls to understand that diss track. And I think we came out with a little bit more of an understanding about Mike and the world and Frogger. Once we started looking things up on Urban Dictionary, I'm really not sure if it's deeper shallow at this point. I'm like, wait, is Mike right about everything? That's what happens when you just think about something too much. And I'm sure that's never happened to him
Starting point is 00:03:03 in his entire life. Yeah. So it feel like we made progress somehow. Yeah. And if you have no idea what we're talking about, go to Mike Shay's Instagram, watch his video, and then you go to Patreon if you're not already a subscriber and listen to our bonus episode because I really feel like it's mandatory listening to understand the event of the rules experience. If you don't understand, if you're listening to this now
Starting point is 00:03:25 when we're recording it instead of like way in the future, it's posted on our Facebook page, Facebook.com slash watch what crap, or I think it's slash what crap is right, it's posted on there, you can look. That shit is hilarious. Thank you, Mike. Well, also, by the way, with Patreon, we can now add tags onto all the posts.
Starting point is 00:03:45 So if this is in the future sometime and you're curious, you just go to Patreon and if you click on the post section and then you click on the tag that says bonus episodes, the lowercase tag, we have actually two tags. One's lowercase, one's uppercase. For some reason, Patreon thinks they're different. Really annoying. Lowercase one, you'll get all the bonus episodes
Starting point is 00:04:03 and you can just scroll right through it until you find it. Very easy. Yeah, just that bonus episodes. I actually put it on the side of the Patreon page now. So you can find all the bonus episodes and all the ringers there on the Patreon page. It'll, there's like a little link for both. What? I'm confused. You're lucky because they let you feature tags now. Oh, that's smart. Ringers and bonus episodes. That's really smart.
Starting point is 00:04:25 Thank you, Ronnie. You guys. I was trying to find a bonus for somebody and now that we're posting them all on Patreon instead of three soundcloud people are like, how do I find these? We're after this girl for 10 years, but they added that feature. So now you don't. They're all easily accessible. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Also, the ringers this month are killer. So go listen to them. You'll love them now There are some helicopters overhead and this is like actually It's like military helicopters. Oh, man. Those are huge. Yeah. Yeah, that scares me I don't like hearing military helicopters when everybody's like we're going to war with New York North Korea New I know and by the way, we're like target number one for North Korea
Starting point is 00:05:04 So no eating well, that's what we get for living in a place. It's always sunny North Korea, Newt, Newt! I know, and by the way, we're like target number one for North Korea. So, No eating, well that's what we get for living in a place it's always sunny, you know? It's like where the first one's to get newt. Exactly. Now normally I would say that's MJ receiving
Starting point is 00:05:14 her delivery of sliders, but as we mentioned last week on the bonus episode, we learned that MJ has moved. Yeah, that's why we don't hear the beep, beep, beep. The truck's backing up anymore. Yeah, it's why we don't hear the beep, beep, beep. The truck's backing up anymore. Yeah, it's very sad, but I like to pretend that MJ is still across the street from Shonson. You know what's really sad is that the ending of Vanderpump rules is upon us.
Starting point is 00:05:36 This is it. This is our last VPR recap. We are going to miss you guys and that's why we did a whole bonus about it now. We have this episode about it. I'm actually kind of sad I'm sad too. This was this third episode of the reunion was interesting because the first half was kind of all about Tom and Katie's wedding and it was sort of like a pleasant Ha ha ha ha ha thing and then the second half was she and she which was the real good stuff But we should start where the reunion starts half a shina and Shay, which was the real good stuff. But we should start where the reunion starts. Let's do that. I think Andy asking Stasi if she's dating anyone, right? Yeah. Just
Starting point is 00:06:12 like a simple question. He's like, so stasi, do you have a man yet? She's like, no, she's like, I'm such a loser. And he says, well, you know, after seeing that kiss between you and Peter, I was really hoping it was going to be you and Peter. She's like, I did too, because I am in such awe of the director of the Reivan. When he got his mom haircut, I was in it turned to like Wells Fargo hair and I was out again. It's been a turn to like Wells Fargo hair and I'll have that again Wells Fargo hair And he says really sucking up for your old job back in panda princess like that
Starting point is 00:06:51 So they're going to happen darling. I don't care if she was the only person who could say Chilean She is out When she told the customer that a Chilean sea bath is actually a patagonian to the fish I knew she could never come back I don't want to act like I'm not thankful for Stasi plucking our goat cheese bowls to the extent that she has but no So then we there was I talk about New Orleans and the kiss between Brittany and Jack's
Starting point is 00:07:29 when they shared a jello shot. And it was so gross because in the flashback that they had, you know what they, you know that they always have it like they make it all kind of like monochromatic, a blue and white, but it happened in the 40s. Yeah, but the jello they kept as a bright red. So you see this jello thing go from this bright red spot,
Starting point is 00:07:47 go from Jackson's mouth to Britney's spot. It was disgusting. And as my friend Neil said, I was watching my friend Neil, who was the host of the Past Present Podcast. He's like, it was basically the red coat from Shindler's list. In Jello's shot form. And Britney swallowed it.
Starting point is 00:08:09 So disgusting. Leave it up to Brittany to swallow the saddest movie of all time. You talk, bro, it's gonna start playing. That should be playing through their entire relationship. This should be playing through the entire relationship. That should be playing through the entire show. Make me a sandwich bitch. Dun dun dun dun. This show is basically like a cultural Holocaust.
Starting point is 00:08:30 It's just like, you know, it's just so many so many hopes and dreams are being killed on this show. Brittany never getting a proper apology is totally like the showers you guys. I'm sorry. Brittany never getting a proper apology is totally like the showers you guys. I'm sorry. I took a horrific shower and almost died in an RV with people's backwash. Like wait a minute. This isn't Shindler's list. This is just the waiting list.
Starting point is 00:08:59 That's it. Sir, people are fooled. So like, I thought I was watching Shindler's list. Why are these people at NASCAR? NASCAR juice don't like NASCAR. I thought this is gonna be a meaningful experience. I'm I'm just that sir Get it together Spielberg. Oh My god, we're going to hell. I'm Jewish everyone. I'm Jewish. I'm sorry if anyone's offended Just directed towards me and I and I will internalize it. So, Katie, you seem to blame all of your fights
Starting point is 00:09:31 on Tomenariana. She's like, I wasn't trying to be a tyrant. My favorite thing, okay, there's two favorite things of the three-union. Katie trying to say like things that she would never say because you know, tyrant doesn't a big word, but I still feel like that's a big word for someone that's got two syllables.
Starting point is 00:09:48 That's pretty impressive for her. And also, Jack's whole, I'm a good person now. I talked about church and Jesus. I think that's so good. Those are my favorite running things, and they are things that must be prominently displayed in the next season. Well, Katie, I think we mentioned it last week, how she's been tweeting with this faux intellectualism.
Starting point is 00:10:10 She's found big words or a thosaurus, and she's trying to use them to sound smart on Twitter. And she doesn't. Someone sent us a tweet of hers where she's talking about, I think she was talking about Coachella, and she was saying that she couldn't go because the prices were exorbitant, but she wrote, absorbent. And spelled wrong. It wasn't even the regular absorbent. I mean, at least people could get behind that. Like no one's hating on the bounty man, you know. He won't ever have a bad reunion. No one's ever going to be like, wait a minute, that guy didn't clean up a mess.
Starting point is 00:10:47 That guy shows up and he does his work. Okay, that's absorbent Katie. So she's basically trying to say, I wasn't trying to be a tyrant and come off all innocent. So they showed the text because Tom's like, yeah, well, when I got those, oh, now he's Erica Jane. Yeah, damn it.
Starting point is 00:11:04 I hate when these shows are all on the same time and my same impersonation squashed against each other. It's okay. But they posted the tweets and text messages. Yeah. Oh, that's the Katie Maloney tweets from last week. Where are these new tweets? I don't remember. I don't remember. But yeah, so we're looking at Katie's text messages. And she literally blames them for every fight. And I think she actually says literally. She's like, you are literally the cause of all of our fights.
Starting point is 00:11:31 And then she's like, yeah, the only person I'll ever take relationship advice from is Lisa Vanderpump. And she's like, oh darling, I'm like, that's a convenient narrative, Katie. Kissing up to the boss. Who can be a neat narrative? Damn, I have so much on my desktop, I cannot find screenshots. They're so sad. No, because I came prepared. I was going to read Katie tweets. I was really excited for it. Okay, one thing I am prepared for is she post an Instagram today of Katie making that like uh, face.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Good. Just over and over. I need something to tie me over. Okay, I also enjoyed it. Super interesting. The text. She says, Okay, I'm tired of fighting and defending myself against y'all with my fiancee and she did put the accent above the e which is funny.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Jesus Christ get over yourselves and considering I already have the rep of texting means shit, I don't care. We fight solely about him defending the two of you. I'm very over it. Y'all are very much his friends and it's hard to argue that but I'm very upset and frustrated. We fight solely over you. Yeah, great, great, Katie. So then, if anyone also had a hilarious reactions, it was Jack. He always has good reunion reactions because he always looks like he is just thinking about cold cuts or something.
Starting point is 00:13:01 His face is just his slack jawed and like, you know, when they showed the clip of Jack's breaking down to Stasi and how Stasi's like, it meant so much to me, like literally so much I have. And just literally like everything that happened, like, it trickled down to all my relationships, like Reagan economic. Like it, it should have worked, but it ended up making everything worse. So. And they just got to Jack's, like, Stasi's having a moment of like a piphany and, you know, emotional catharsis.
Starting point is 00:13:35 And Jack's just like, thinking about tinfoil balls. He's like, when did my nose stop working? Some Star Wars. So Andy says, Jack's, I mean, after walking, oh no, Brittany. So after Jack's walked out on you and your mom
Starting point is 00:13:55 after a gay fight and outing you, eating Christmas vagina on national TV, how did you feel about him apologizing to Stasi? And then she, of course, she's like, maybe last so much. Well, but her reaction to Sochi is like, I want Jack to have those relationships with me. It's like, Britt, you know, you don't have like four years of tumultuous drama
Starting point is 00:14:19 under your belt with him, you know, where he's impregnated women while he's been with you and cheated up the wazoo and just been absolutely horrific to you. You know, you just don't have that. You just have like, you're shitting with a door open and pretty much that. Shitting with the door open. Like you're sitting there and Joan Crawford's mic down.
Starting point is 00:14:40 Okay. No one is going to apologize to you. You need to take your serious, take yourself seriously first, okay? Anna Linnings, that looks like a cheap ass at-and-cheat, just wrapped around her. And the girls behind her are like, we got you covered girl, and they're literally like, okay, your vagina's out.
Starting point is 00:14:57 If you don't want Kristen eating it on national TV, put it away for Christ's sake. Well, I like that Jacks is also, he says that he's like, well, you know, a lot of water has been under the bridge now. I'm like, yeah, a lot of polluted, non-putable water. That's like killing fish is under the bridge over just a bucket full of standing water. It's like, that's why we have Zika. Requested the water crawling. Bridge over. Zika water. Bridge over algae water.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Red tide. All that stuff. So Sina is ready to fight over everything with the other girls because next season is about Sina fighting with the three, you know, witches of weho as they call them. So she's trying to fight about everything but they're not really having any fights because Stasi is like, we're not fighting with Shina. Like, I'm nice to see the season. We're sticking with it. And they're like, okay. So Stasi's trying
Starting point is 00:15:55 to start to fight over everything. So they're like, what about when you were crying to Stasi, weren't you jealous Brittany and Shina goes, yeah, well, I think Taya, I'm on a mall, some hang out and stuff. She said, yeah, because we were wasted. She goes, yeah, but even when they're wasted, he doesn't know about my time to work. She's shut up. Get your corner. Okay. This is not your fight.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Just be quiet for the you, you'll have your moment later this episode. Don't you worry. And then we get Jackson's I'm a good person thing because the next question is what came over Jackson season Jack's like now that you've started penciling in your eyebrows You're a totally new man and he's like well some stating Brit. I just want to be a better better me No, I'm not buying it. No, I think Jack's had a good season And I think it's gonna go to shit again next year. Yeah, you're just learning how to hide this shit all, which is why you never
Starting point is 00:16:46 put a psychopath in therapy. The therapist just teaches them ways to trick you into believing that they're nice. And then before you know, if they're chasing you down the hall with a knife, like on lifetime. Yeah, exactly. You listen, I'm, I'm, I'm in the middle of big little lies. I'm the middle of episode five. I know what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:17:02 I know we're saying. Um, so, um, uh, then we, it's like, so Tom Schwartz, like you were really drunk, weren't you? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I was like blacked out. I was almost blacked out. I was like browned out. I was like almost in the verder being blacked out. But I remember everything. I don't know. I'm getting like a little tired of Tom Schwartz's stick. It's getting old to me, you know? The indecisive. But Katie keeps forgetting that they're supposed to be like a well-adjusted couple now, which happened overnight.
Starting point is 00:17:37 So she keeps slipping in a fight mode too, and then she remembers. She goes, yeah, he remembers everything, but the fight. I'm sure. And he's like, come on. And then she's like, sorry, I forgot. She starts rubbing his shoulder. We're supportive on TV. We're supportive on TV.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Leave me alone Twitter, another tyrant, the unbearable lackness of the being of us. What an absorbent accusation. So then we have a flashback to win. Tom Sandevol and Tom Schwartz are crying after the gator, the gator, Kshavigan's when they're at that picnic table. And it's like, so, Katie, what did you think about like the guys all saying that Tom shouldn't marry you and that you're just a crazy bitch?
Starting point is 00:18:18 And she's like, well, these are people that I thought were my friends as well, but it didn't feel that way. I'm like shut up Katie Can be an narrative that is your Generative for sure is for sure is like I've battered him all the time like it takes to the tango Like what about me? I want to see a gator no one asked me I had to go to Galavans or whatever that stupid restaurant was I had to go to Galavans or whatever that stupid restaurant was. That's probably, like, just imagine that voice on an actual alligator.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Like, people are always feeling sorry for the people I eat. Like, I'm some abusive tyrant, okay. What about my feelings? Like, you literally rolled over that child and ate him. It's like not my fault that I ate a clock. Like, I'm sorry, but like, what is everyone run away? Like, even pirates are like, whoa, it's a crocodile with a clock.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Like that's not fair. My stomach is ticking again. That's a convenient narrative. I have this absorbent ticking clock in me. Like it's not my biological clock. I literally ate a clock. This is one of my favorite scenes of the year though when they were showing these clips of the alligator day and all the guys were sobbing. You guys are like, you deserve better dude! Like seriously bro, you deserve better!
Starting point is 00:19:36 And Jack says he was on a tear. Like he was lost or like gonna cut himself, or hurt himself. Well, this is when SantaVal gets worked up, which I love. I'm so sorry, he's like, you guys, like every time there was a fight, it was always like, well, can shorts do the make Katie feel better? Like, shorts do this, like say that, be like this. But like, no one ever says the Katie has to do anything. Like, you spent the entire summer literally licking her fucking asshole. And Chris just goes, like, come on.
Starting point is 00:20:09 Well, you make a good point, Chris, didn't never mind. This is when Katie makes that face, which I will be staring at forever because now it's a moving gift on my phone. Yeah, I like when Tom goes off on these monologues because now that he's going to get to be the manager, he's going to be the new Vanderpump in that center seat and he's already practicing, you know, I went this much
Starting point is 00:20:28 and lots of arguments, bro. His big bro. So then we talk about the guys and drag blah blah blah. Well, this is also when it's Kristen bringing up the Vegas girl in the middle of a drag blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Yeah, and you also cheated on her too. So you will, you cheated on her. It was, it was, it was, it was poor time. I mean, well, but then again, Christmas making TV show, she knows, she knows. And thank God, because if she didn't do it, no one would be talking about this New Orleans shit
Starting point is 00:21:14 as much as we have. And Kristen wouldn't have anything to answer. Really, she would have no questions to answer. It's like when you don't fill out your Christmas list and then expect Santa to just bring you a bunch of shit. Like this is literally one of the only things she had to talk about. But she doesn't musical theater terms. She's one of those who always says, I think I'm doing the day. I think I'm doing the day.
Starting point is 00:21:34 It's like, it's so cool to do. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, Into the woods we talk it out into the woods we talk it out And then Katie's like yeah, but it didn't have to be a my hallways like it wasn't it started in the elevator
Starting point is 00:21:59 Rrr and then Kristen starts yeah, but Chris did that was Uncle like see a really and then they start squabbling with each other He said you know for a fact that he fucked a girl with Vegas and when he courted 70 that's when they react and that was not a fact And then they asked and then Andy's like so stassy. What was it like from your point of view? She's like literally I like went out into the hallway and there were two men dressed like women arguing about Sia. Who does that? C-I-F Seriously, who does that? So Schwartz was bipolar. Oh, yeah, so Andy's like, yeah, Schwartz was a mess and he pooped in his dress on
Starting point is 00:22:39 National TV. I didn't realize he was pooping when that door was bashed open by the way I thought he was just sitting on a bed. No wonder why he was like. Oh, yeah, I did. Oh, I had no idea It's like really guys and they don't just left it open. He's like see Like like yeah, that's the girls to do but poop right now national TV He's literally shitting his pants right now. He can't deal to not pants. It's dress. Oh my god Pants right now he can't deal. It's not pants. It's dress. Oh my god And then and then they're talking about the talking about the Vegas girl the Vegas girl comes back again This this ongoing thing and this is when you really know this Marriage is doomed as if you couldn't tell kiddie's like I don't think you understand the gravity of the devastation
Starting point is 00:23:21 I felt as worse because I don't think you understand the gravity of the devastation I feel on a monthly basis for five years dealing with your blow ups Like oh I Did and I expressed how bad I felt And she goes I forgive you for that. Oh, didn't she say blah blah or who is they started this babush Yeah, I was typing so fast. I don't know why it's not like the court case where Katie says and I forgive you for that this is where they've been
Starting point is 00:23:50 counseling one time so it's like I hear you and I forgive you for that and it was up to me to take those pieces as well and put them back together in a harmonious understanding vision board of love. Talking about I put them in a bassinet and send them down a river. So then Andy's like Katie the five-star-all Moses who come to be like King of the King of the Jews or whatever was a king of the burning bush does make sense then. So Katie. See, babe, if I hadn't done that chicken Vegas you never would have that burning bush And Baba I feel that and I apologize to you and my vagina it's just no
Starting point is 00:24:34 Baba why do you keep sending plagues? I already apologized. Yeah, but God made your heart your heart heart again Baba why is everybody blaming me for the locusts? Hard again. Baba. Why is everybody blaming me for the locus? Why are we having such a biblical week? I think this is Easter. I think so because we were slowly working our way through the Bible yesterday was Genesis today is Exodus.
Starting point is 00:25:00 I mean after that it becomes blurry for me. Leviticus numbers. Deuteronomy, I don't remember. See it, by the end of this month, we're gonna have revelations. That's why I was a Atlanta. Well, you know, I can, that's pretty good there. But, you know, as I'm Jewish, I might be a bookled knowledge, sort of ends at Deuteronomy.
Starting point is 00:25:21 I know, too. Jewish people are like the smartest people, but they're also the ones who refuse to Rony me. I know, juice. Jewish people are like the smartest people, but they're also the ones who refuse to finish a book. So we just don't like sequels. So you're like, Toy Story 2, point made, the book of Esther. Now that's a good one.
Starting point is 00:25:43 So Katie, Andy's like, so Katie, do you have trust issues? Have you been cheated on? And she's like, yes, and they cut to Lisa Vanderpump with this longing in her eyes. She's like Broken bird! Come to me, Katie! Now try and figure out what purple means. I always thought she- Come to me, K-T! Now try and figure out what purple means. I always thought she was a bunch of swatches. I always thought she was a needy bird. I didn't realize she was such a broken bird.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Promotion! The new club is Tom Tom Gady. Show me on this swatch of the colour from Monika's living room on friends. Where you've been cheated on darling. So Tom is like, yeah, like she's been cheated on. And you know, I inherited a bunch of her insecurities because of her experiences in LA. Like, I just, you know, she just came in with it. And Vanderbilt's like, someone says, yeah, yeah, well, you know, he fucked up and he, he goes, I fucked up multiple times. Uh-oh, because I was put in the subtitles.
Starting point is 00:26:54 I was like, Oh, no, you know, what are you running right now? He's like pulling Galisa Rina where he just gets out of trouble and he's like, but what about all those other times I cheated? Yeah. Yeah. And then he's like, I like, again, with times I cheated? Yeah, yeah, and then he's like I like again with the Vegas girl. Did he sleep with the Vegas girl? His response is so bad I'm listen. I was so wasted. I'm really a hundred percent sure Baba that I didn't sleep I mean I couldn't have I was so wasted. I mean I I didn't know if I was with a girl or a chair I don't know I just know that when I stuck my penis into her vagina, I was thinking myself, oh, this
Starting point is 00:27:28 can't be happening. So I'm pretty sure it didn't. It's only sex if you have to pay for an abortion after, right? So then it goes on to Lisa Vanderpump as a fissiator. And they're like, well, she was our first and only choice. Wow. Oh, wow. I was like, when she said yes, I was like, oh, this is awesome. It was so cool.
Starting point is 00:27:51 We don't have to pay for an officiator. She says, I heard rumblings of the troubles in their relationship. And I heard Sabis and Katie's voice. When was that? There's always sadness in Katie's voice is how she talks. You know, there's always like nasal in my voice. I can't change it. Like there's no way to change it. You know, well, she goes, and now I realize I was right and saying I can't be a part of this. I love that every reunion show of everything Vanderpump's wrong. She gets to say multiple times. Matches the moment I realize I was right.
Starting point is 00:28:32 Yeah. And then Katie's like, we were so excited to have Lisa. We even wrote this whole lyric and I was like, oh yeah. I'm like, I can only imagine what the lyric was. It probably was like, there once was a man from Nantucket. Where's Nantucket, Baba? I don't know. Okay. Once was a man from Nantucket. He didn't remember if that girl'd he'd fucked it.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Why are you mad, Katie? Why do you have a bucket? Stop compressing instances onto me. You know I have Nantucket trust issues they do things like clam bakes there. I inherited their nantucket issues. Who's Martha and why'd you go to her vineyard? Did you fuck Martha yesterday? I'm pretty sure I didn't but I can't tell you about man. So then we get uh who's the next couple that's gonna be engaged. Wait Chris didn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry before that just a little bit Andy was like wow I can't believe what a difference a week made since your bachelor party I really
Starting point is 00:29:44 saw it. I'm like shut up Andy. Did you, are you not listening to how they're talking to each other right now? So yes, then yes, as you were saying. Here's the next couple to be engaged. He's a Christian and Carter, Brittany and Jacks. Christen might sneak in and engage, man.
Starting point is 00:30:02 She's like, oh, yeah. And then what I loved is, come me up next and you they just cut the James going Shuh! Shuh! Shuh up you stupid whore! Dark we're bringing in the door that James spit on to see how it feels door You know, I feel like James would have a lot less anger if he did something more productive with his life Like, you know, read a book or maybe even better he could read a magazine or even better. He could read a magazine via texture Tax jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Darling, darling, I said like I Can't officiate you until you read texture for a week
Starting point is 00:30:55 Thanks to pizza. We're all binge eating, but thanks to Netflix. We're all binge watching Baba Baba I would love to binge on some pizza right now by the way. What a great idea I'm gonna binge read something about Binging Pizza. Mmm. With my diary, which you can find on the texture app, darling. The texture app lets you tap into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your smartphone or tablet. Darling, you know what that magazine's keep us informed on news and social issues and they give us moments of inspiration and comic relief Just when we need them with a new app called texture you can get access to all your favorite magazines in one place on your tablet of phone
Starting point is 00:31:38 Are you looking for horse fancy Textures offering my listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Startup and running for free right now and you got a texture.com slash crap on last texture.com slash crap on. Yeah actually texture is really cool and we both have it and I don't read popular all those things but I read things I try to sometimes be sophisticated and read the New Yorker so I can read it on that and sometimes I'll read things like Manidy Fair. But they also have cooking magazines like what was the cooking magazine? I was just reading the other day. I really like, oh, but happened to.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Darling, any cooking magazine, yeah, just go on there. They've got them all. I mean, sometimes people worry like New Yorker, if you're a New Yorker reader, you want that in your bathroom to seem smart, you know, well, just leave your iPad on the pot, open to the New Yorker. Yeah. Look intelligent. You'll look even smarter because not only are you reading the New Yorker,
Starting point is 00:32:51 you're doing it digitally. You're not paying a million dollars for these magazines. It's one low price. It's like a Netflix for magazines. You get all those magazines for one low price. Yeah, I think that's a very salient point. So again, a surprise of a people in a half, y'all. Yeah, so really, texture is normally 99 a month,
Starting point is 00:33:09 and you'd get over 200 magazines, but if you sign up right now at Texture.com slash crap, and you get a 14 day free trial. Two weeks of free magazines through texture. Uh-oh. That was my little candy burst song. You're mixing shows, darling! Darling, tiktok.com slash crappins, tiktok.com slash crappins.
Starting point is 00:33:34 It just hit me that they're advertising with people named crappins because where do you read magazines the most? You know what, tiktok, you guys are wise beyond your years. They really are. They provide a good text. Thanks, tux, tux, tux. So where did we leave off here? So now where we left off is now Andy is shaming Tom Schwartz
Starting point is 00:34:03 for taking a horse bath in the river before his wedding. Kaby says, well, it worked out. How? How so? How did that work out? It's like I didn't fucking me anyway. Well, I wanted Woodsy elegance and you know, I got puns gum. It was close. I wanted some exfoliation and in bed he gave me these tiny little worms that ate off my cuticles. So, you know, my cuticles. Sounds nice. I was actually thinking of, you know, the dead skin at the bottom of your feet.
Starting point is 00:34:38 What do they call it? Pumus? Yeah, pumice stone. A pumice stone, but what does that eat off the pumice? Well, pumice is the name of the stone Dry skin whatever to skin. Okay, never mind guys. I'll stick with cuticles because I like to think that Tom Not taking a shower on his wedding made all of Katie's fingernails fall off So then Andy's like guys, I was really choked up by the triplets coming. And so then we saw like, we saw Alvin, Alvin, and Alvin coming out again and everyone crying.
Starting point is 00:35:09 And there's like, oh, I feel my time is now. Time for joy and time for things, I don't know. Oh, he's like, they were so happy. That was like the best nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. They still talk about it every time I call him. To be fair, they also always talk about the bad engages they went to when they were eight. But you know, still cool. They're still actually wearing the same clothes they wore that day.
Starting point is 00:35:42 I don't think they realize it was a wedding though. I think they thought they were going bowling. They were like, gosh, I love a bowling alley in the woods. So Andy asked why Katie wasn't freaking out before the wedding. He's like, you were the calmest bride ever. Were you on Xanax? Wrong reunion. Could you please leave Xanax out of this reunion? And she's like, I just wanted to be present,
Starting point is 00:36:11 et cetera. And then someone called her Mrs. Bubba Schwartz. She's like Mrs. Bubba Maloney Schwartz. Like, thanks for the hyphenate. You're still calling yourself Bubba Maloney Schwartz. You're still calling yourself Bubba Maloney Schwartz Even Jack's got emotional So they were talking about how The Tom's vows they were talking about how There's like hands down the best bow And they're talking about how Tom's hand of all has so many emotions like you have a lot of feelings He's like I do a lot of feelings. And he starts to get choked up at the notion of having feelings.
Starting point is 00:36:45 I was like, oh, I'm out of feelings. But, oh, I feel, bro, I feel, bro. I have to say those wedding vows, he's like, yeah, I wrote them five minutes before the wedding. And everyone's like, yeah. And Kristen says, oh, my God, he came through so much. No, he didn't. He was like, yeah, and Kristen says, oh my God, he came through so much. Ugh. No, he didn't. He was like, Baba,
Starting point is 00:37:09 we've hated each other for so long. He's like, remember that time you texted me and told me you wanted me to die in the streets and you were leaving me and I'm a stupid motherfucker. We overcame it. I'm so proud of us. Baba, gosh, you know, this week, this week has been so great. I've come to realize the true value of complacency. Thank you. She's like, oh, I'm excuse me, differential complacency is not what I'm going for. So then it becomes how Arianna wouldn't say yes to the proposal.
Starting point is 00:37:47 No one will say yes to that dress. Everyone's like, no, flesh tone. Like, why did they buy Katie a black ladies dress? It's like dark colored flesh tone under silk. But anyway, it's like why wouldn't she, don't you think it hurt Tom's feelings when you didn't say yes when he proposed at the wedding? And she's like, that was so tacky. And then she made it nice because she said, I feel bad because in moments like that, I'm overwhelmed with love.
Starting point is 00:38:23 But when you say commitment, I retreat like, and you didn't get the moment you deserve. No, and guess what? He won't get that moment. A girl deserves her own event. No one wants to be engaged at someone else's wedding, how lame at least take me to dinner. I mean, even Tom Schwartz hired, you know, a couple actors off Craigslist to help out. Yeah, exactly. He literally did. He literally hired actors to help out. Yeah. Yeah. So Tom could make at least that much effort, I think.
Starting point is 00:38:51 I think so too. So then Schwartz is talking about how great it was, and he was like, although the DJ played like four bad top 40 songs in a row. And they just cut to J.J. James looking so angry. Like, I could have DJed, and then sure enough, like two seconds later, looking so angry like I could have DJed and then sure enough like two seconds later He's like I could have DJed. I could have played pump sessions for you darling So then it switches into James DJ night. Yes, and Kristen, can you look into James's eyes and say you had good intentions showing up and she's like oh
Starting point is 00:39:25 Hell no And James is like hey to this man. You don't come to the one and only James Kennedy like he's performing man good man She's awful girl It's a bandar pumps like I found bad for litter broken bird James like I found bad for it to a broken bed James. He was fired from his job and then he got a new job and these guys showed up and Chris and goes, oh, whatever he put me after what he's put me through. What if he put you through again? I forgot. He did she don't her. What ever Chris. The Uber on the telltale Uber. Yeah, and then she like fucked him on his car on the hood of his car and up in the parking lot in the valley I mean come on Kristen ain't nobody gonna feel sorry for you
Starting point is 00:40:11 So then this is when James just shut your mouth. You're relevant Good shut up shut up You're a Relevant I love that he's speaking like a housewife now for relevant. So fat, you're a relevant. I'm more to enter this entire bunch, girl. So, Jack, he got James kicked out of his own club and he's like, yeah, and I was proud of it.
Starting point is 00:40:41 And he's like, you don't come up to the one and only James Kennedy during a performance and Kristen's like, you don't come up to the one and only James Kennedy during a performance. And Kristen's like, you came up to us. And then Kristen, Kristen's like, oh, there's that rage again. Oh, someone out of Valkycerda at lunch. And then Andy says, did you have a Valkycerda at lunch? And he's like, just one. They get at least a van to pump. She's like, broken birds that is revoked. Broken birds don't count when they're drunk broken birds. She was, she was fully in broken bird land with that whole performer. She's like, they were so salacious.
Starting point is 00:41:20 The way they went up to him, they broke his wings. He is now visually broken bird. Fart-cassoda. Ugh. Bird. Take up your wings and get out. You're not broken. You're not broken. You just can't fly.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Penguin alert. Get out. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on. Some days, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts.
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Starting point is 00:42:35 So Next job she's coming on sheena. How do you feel she's like I really? I don't want to ever called because like yeah, Andy says I've used dating touch with them. She's like I really I don't want him to ever called because like yeah Andy says I've used to even touch with him she's like yeah I mean I've tried to call him but I haven't talked to him because I wasn't playing himself on bailing a cartoon box she's like I don't want him to be here I'm too sober for this I think I have one of each of the prime cocktails my. What a choice of words. Yeah. I'm just talking to him,
Starting point is 00:43:05 so, but get him dressed first. It's just like I just want to say my little happy plans. I think I'm just trying one of each of the prime cocktails. It's like if you need to get a little buzz, just do a little mouth to mouth with James. He's taken over that. get a little buzz just do a little mouth to mouth with James he's taken open that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shop, shop. So my shays coming back after the break. Dun dun dun. And so they see
Starting point is 00:43:34 that it's like we see him walking onto the sound stage and she knows over at craft services by like Kristen or Ariana or whoever. And she's like, he got a haircut finally. I don't know. It's because Mary's gonna take a bath too. I want to. It's a labor asked for now. She's truly.
Starting point is 00:43:51 And she's trying to make it. I'm sorry. Would you say babe? I'm sorry. He's making moves, you know? No cut. He's like, I'm doing fantastic, fantastic. Sam's.
Starting point is 00:44:01 So, um, yeah, Stasi and Kristen are both being supportive. Stasi says, Sheena, we got this girl, we got you, we got your back and Kristen's like, oh, she knew you're great, just gonna be awesome. You're okay. You got it. Which Sheena is trying to fight with them, but they're not having it. So Sheena just warning young lady, the internet already hates you. She knows probably the most affected by how me the internet is to her. She's mentioned it every ingredient. She's mentioned it already
Starting point is 00:44:31 multiple times this. And she is going at it to be on Lala side, which you know, we love me some we love us some Lala. Yeah. But when Kristen and Stasi are going out of their way to be nice to you, even if it's just on camera, I don't know the truth, I don't know any of y'all, but when you victimize them when they're trying to be nice to you, you're going to make them look like the heroes next year, always be the victim. How many times do I have to fucking say it? She's like handing the whole show over to these girls and she's going to be villainized and that girl's going to not be able to take it. girls and she's gonna be villainized and that girl's gonna not be able to take it. You underestimate the ability of Kristen, Katie and Sassy to villainize themselves. I'm like, that's true.
Starting point is 00:45:12 This is Phantom of Embroules. And the glory of Phantom of Embroules is that everyone's a villain at all times. That's the fun. You're watching S-Sinear, you know what? Fuck this bitch. I'm on Tsunaside. Fuck Stasi. And then the next thing you're like, fuck Shina. Stasi's side fuck Stasi and then the next you're like Fuck she not Stasi's right Stasi's
Starting point is 00:45:27 Yeah, and then you're like I think this is the show though you actually coined the term lazy sees the bottle Yes, this is the lazy keeps turning it and they're awful. That's I think wait. This is where you came up about it That's that that's the glory. That's that yeah So we see Mike backs. Let me tell you. Getting his makeup on and he goes, I honestly don't know what I'm thinking. It's like shocker. Yeah, biggest revelation. Mike doesn't know what he's thinking.
Starting point is 00:45:54 We know Mike. Yeah. So we learned that he's been living at his parents place and that they're not officially divorced yet. And then he's like she's like she knows that he's like yeah well it's supposed to take like six months so I've been like three months I was like oh okay and he was like trying
Starting point is 00:46:13 to like dig up some dirt like they were stalling like Vatre Parks but no it's just an in a medical in a medical issue yeah they're just waiting so she she's like well I was always at the studio oh Oh, no, Andy says so Shay. You were always at the studio and it came out, you know, came out. Barbara Walters made a comeback to let everybody know you were sleeping there. Yeah. If this as long as it's a cushion, he's like, I slept at Denny's. Does that mean I'm fucking him? So, um, says does that. Shades doing this thing where he keeps rolling his eyes back to the back of the back of his head, like to find an answer. Yeah. Here's why like, I know the internet's going crazy and we'll get a little bit more into this. But I know that the internet's going crazy pro mic right get a little bit more into this. We're going to say it because, but I know that the internet's going crazy pro
Starting point is 00:47:07 mic right now. Here's why I just can't. Well, there's multiple reasons, but this is the main reason why we just get into it now before we do the whole video. Well, as well, and then we'll know you're coming on TV. How in the hell are you going to come on television with an eyebrow? He had one eyebrow hair that almost reached the top of his forehead. Like make an effort, just one little effort. It's like that one little eyebrow hair is the whole reason you sought to.
Starting point is 00:47:33 I was not expecting it to go in that direction, but you make a compelling point. It's so cool, everything. Like she knows how hard it is to pull it out. Like you can't even pull it out. Why don't we have it this as we recap? Why don't we award points as they come up and we'll total them up at the end? Okay, so okay give him okay, so do I give Shina a positive point for his eyebrow hair?
Starting point is 00:47:55 Yes, I'm saying Shina. I'm typing as this Shina has one mic Zero okay, I'll go okay, so so then Shina's like zero. Okay, I'll go. Okay. So, um, so then she knows, uh, Andy's, Andy's like, she, uh, did you know that Mike was sleeping at that, that's the studio? When do you know whatever? She's like, yeah, he was like sleeping different like, days at a time and Mike's like, what the fuck days at a time? I'm like, dude, you were sleeping there for days at time. He's like, I'm not on a soap opera. That's not even what it's called, Mike. Oh, I'm not on that comedy. No, that's one day at a time. When he said, did you know something was going on in Sheen,
Starting point is 00:48:30 because I couldn't bring up my shirt the summer of Katie's wedding. It was Katie's summer. Since when has she had been your, come on. But that's so sheen. Yeah. How could you do this summer in my wedding? So then he says, and you know, I hope I didn't skip anything, but that things are to go weird or whatever.
Starting point is 00:48:55 He just basically I forget the context of why he says this, but he said that one night he didn't come home. It wasn't multiple nights that he wasn't at the that he's up to the studio. He said that was one night. He didn't. You're literally never came home at that Yeah, he's one night that he didn't come home and
Starting point is 00:49:10 She started texting him and accused him of being on drug and he's like that was so calculating And she goes oh, so it wasn't a friend you were doing drugs with because I found out you gave him you gave him You got 50 pills for $600 or something. And he goes, dude, and share, and then he just stays quiet and looks down. Yeah, I'm like, first of all, it's not calculating. If you, if you have become distant and if you have, you know, substance abuse issue
Starting point is 00:49:40 and there's already all these skeletons in the closet and then you just don't show, you don't come home, which is by the way, if you're living together and you just don't come home and you don't tell your wife where you are, that's kind of a big deal. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it is. Yeah, and then you're buying the, you're using that $600 that's hers.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Yeah, and then more money. I don't think it's calculating. If you're getting pills with that. Yeah, it's maybe it's accusatory, but it's definitely not calculating. It's like, okay, well now she's, you know, I mean, Shina could work on her, supportiveness.
Starting point is 00:50:18 Shina's awful, shallow, a fame whore, she'll turn her back. She's a terrible person. When people say Shina's a monster, Shina was a fucking monster in this. I mean, your husband is not a fucking whore, she'll turn her back. She's a terrible person. When people say she knows a monster, she knows what's a fucking monster in this. I mean, your husband is not gonna let her off the hook. We haven't done it yet. We're going to haul like,
Starting point is 00:50:32 and you just want to go party every night, and then you're like, well, just drink beer. No, and that was last year when she was crying. She's like, I didn't know what an alcoholic was. Okay, so that was last year, but still, like you're going out every night, if you wanted to be with your husband,
Starting point is 00:50:47 you could have gone to dinner with him instead of gone to party with your friend. Yeah, and we've been saying that about, we've been saying that for a long time. Like we have definitely roasted Shina on this millions of times. Yeah, they're both terrible. Okay, both of them were terrible and this marriage was terrible.
Starting point is 00:51:01 But Mike, it's like Mike should have had the easiest time of getting people on his side with this, but he can't, because he's such a fucking loser. He does nothing. He spends all of someone else's money to get drugs that he's lying about being on. And he said, Oh, wait, who gets that point?
Starting point is 00:51:17 She and I, that's right. Oh, yeah, she needs to get a point there. So she's up to two points, because well, then by the way, she's gonna get another point, because when she says, like, you spent $600 to buy pills and he's like he went into our business. I mean that's an automatic point for Gina right there. That's an automatic point. Like what business might I can't wait to get to that. So she yeah she's like ATM withdrawals
Starting point is 00:51:38 and then Vanderpump says whose money was it and he goes goes, oh, it was hers, of course. It was always her money and her marriage. Okay, so now you're mad that she had money in the account for you to spend on drugs. Like, really? You're gonna yell at her for being the one who made money. Did she tie your ass up to the couch? I mean, I know that couch.
Starting point is 00:51:59 In a way she did because she got a fucking couch with cup holders in the middle. So yes, that is kind of her fault. She got a comfortable couch for you, my friend. That was a concession for him, by the way. There is no way that she never liked that couch. I guarantee that is a man cave couch and she, the print to can this goddess
Starting point is 00:52:16 is not going to accept a bark-alonger loves the creak. Yeah, she's already got that couch because you refused to put a coaster under your big gulp and they put put rings all over the Ikea coffee game. Is that another point for she? Yeah, let's give Suna a couch point. She gets a couch. She gets a conciliate, wait a minute, but she, but, you know, Mike gets a point for all the printer canvases. So Mike's on the board now. Mike is on the board. Okay, Mike's on the board. It's not fair that he has to be around that many printer canvases and in that ridiculous betting. That's very money. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:52:46 I almost want to give him a point because he's right. It is really offensive that Gina made so much money. I mean, that was really Mike is at two right now. She knows five right. Okay. Mike too. But then that is cold to like date somebody and then get a job. Like that is so rude.
Starting point is 00:53:02 So Shay says he's like she doesn't listen, which is why he didn't tell her where he was. So okay, so she's like, where are you? Like, or in the studio, whatever you didn't tell me. And he's like, well, you never listen.
Starting point is 00:53:13 That's why I couldn't tell you. So now, he almost gets a point there because Sheena doesn't listen. And we saw this like all of last season, right? That he's like trying to connect, you know, in his sobriety and she's like, where are you? Where are you? But here's the thingety and she's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:53:25 But here's the thing. We know that Shina doesn't listen, but when people say she doesn't listen, that's a, she's not emotionally available necessarily, like if you're trying to share, but if you are saying, hey, I'm at the studio tonight, that's a different kind of listening. That's like, oh, okay, oh, that's where you are. Like, don't blame that issue For why you didn't tell her where you were that night. It's called send a text message. I mean, Sina is you know a dodo word
Starting point is 00:53:54 Her argument actually made sense to this. He says you never listen and she goes, you don't let me listen It sounds so stupid, but you know, that's true. If you're not going to tell her you're gone, you're not giving her the opportunity to not listen to you. So I think sheena oddly enough gets a point. So then Lisa Vanderpump, this is great because Lisa Vanderpump's like, basically like, excuse me, I need to be shady for a moment. Mike, the way she talked about you to me, you were the greatest person on the planet. I mean, I need to be shady for a moment. Mike, the way she talked about you to me, you were the greatest person on the planet. I mean, I'm gonna...
Starting point is 00:54:29 You go to understand it. He goes, okay, Lisa. Like he's mad at her. Well, Lisa's fault, okay. You can blame Vanderpump for a lot of things. Yeah. You know, if you wanna blame her for telling she did not to get married to your addict ass in the first place,
Starting point is 00:54:43 you can do that. Yeah. But, I mean, come on. You're sitting right next to her on her show. So then she, you know, she gets very eaten sass soon and goes, I gave you everything. I'm like, well, accept money and energy and like some sort of like literally anything, anything. Name one thing. Name one. Just name one. name one thing. You didn't even have your own suitcase You don't play the victim that left with a purple glitter suitcase. Do you realize I mean just like This is a very shallow thing, but you were kind of hitting out of your league with she know also. Let's be honest This is a woman who was with Eddie
Starting point is 00:55:26 Siprian who is no slouch in the looks department. Okay Mike? Like this is out of your league situation here. Yeah, this is me repeating myself because I said this many times, but I think that after that whole situation, Chino was like, all right, I'm just going to find a nice guy from home and he'll just be quiet and take her man. He never talks and whatever If I have to take care of him, that's fine. At least they'll be nice to me Which is a mistake a lot of us make when you date someone really hot and you get your heart broken and then you're like Well, didn't ugly. I don't want to say he's ugly. He's not ugly But you're like I'll date below my my
Starting point is 00:56:01 Punch down punch down all punched down just because they'll be nicer to me and that is not the case unfortunately. I do not determine sweetness. I think my god actually caught up in the famous much as you know did if you want if you want my opinion. Yeah. Well look at what he's doing now. He's releasing shitty songs that are all about her life. Yeah. And her TV show. And he goes, I literally built a business. I literally built a business. Now, what's your business? Did you usually get to that? Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:56:34 What is your business? And also building a business does not, it's one thing to type out something on your laptop, but that's not the same as building a business. Now, what did he say his business was because I couldn't understand his work. I know he did mumble it. I think that they it's like a music management producing whatever. I went onto the website. Yeah, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like and then you see James like, hmm, I wonder if they've heard the sessions. Well, you know, you know, you also as a music manager Spencer Pratt. Oh, that's right. Well, you know, he's also living his parents basement. So there you go.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Kristen, I think he still is. I don't know, but the biggest turnaround ever is Spencer Pratt. They're having a baby and he's actually really fun on Snapchat. So who are new? Um, but now do we, do we arrest him is, is making an effort to get in here and stand up for Sheena? Because when he says I literally built a business, she's like, who's money? And then, yeah, exactly. And at the beginning of this argument, she goes, she was trying to communicate with you. Like, I remember at the beginning of summer
Starting point is 00:57:46 She sent you like cute selfies and emojis This Kristen get a point no, I think that I think that she and it midst of all this I think she knows a point from all this because This is very self-serving for Mike. I literally built a business. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay, she's not point So I actually almost feel like it's not that she know gets a point. It's almost like Mike loses a point, right? And no, I'll just give it to sheen. That's a good thing.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Okay. Yeah. So then, um, I mean, it does feel weird making so many checks like honoring sheen up, but whatever. Don't worry. Mike's going to catch up. So, uh, uh, Jacks, then, um, he starts to weigh in, um, about the Andy's asking Jacks like what do you think because Jack's famous who was like I give this marriage has a shelf life of like a toenail.
Starting point is 00:58:31 So Jacks is like you know I think that the marriage was something that God put in the way as a test and they cut to Brittany she goes all right there he goes God I'm like this is like the most basic God met up. This is not mean that he's only religious. It's like saying, looking at a dollar bill and saying, and God, we trust you. There he is. Looks like somebody's had a turn of the shake. This is so jacks. Oh, it was God. You know, God, it was just something God put in the way. It's like, you are a plague that God has sent down. Like you are falling for Faraday.
Starting point is 00:59:09 From the sky. You know what I mean? Katie unleashed you on this world by hardening her heart. You are literally all for horsemen. Like you are a collapsing red sea, Jacks. Yeah. And revelations when it says the four horsemen will start painting on their eyebrows,
Starting point is 00:59:27 they're talking about you. I'm not familiar. It doesn't say that. So then I like that God was like that. He's like, all right, it's revelations, darling. Put it in something about eyebrows. So then Ariana, she gets her inner goodwill hunting going and she's like, Mike, I want to hear from you.
Starting point is 00:59:48 Like, you're just sitting here and say something. Say something. I mean, Mike, how about them apples? Anything. Anything, Mike. And he's like, okay, so Ariana couldn't break him. And then we got a commercial while Mike is looking up at the ceiling breathing hard. So then we got a commercial, whatever, that watch what happens, commercial comes on.
Starting point is 01:00:16 And it's like, it's like tonight, I'm watching what happens. How awkward was that scene and she and she think right. We'll be right back. He literally says that like how awkward was the situation that I fully orchestrated, huh? Stop it, Andy. He's laughing. Can we just take points from Andy?
Starting point is 01:00:38 Yes, negative. I'm gonna put Angie negative one. That's a good one. I'm taking sort of two because I don't want Lala Lanta to think they won something again. So I'm just pay Angie negative one. That's a good one. I'm taking a short two because I don't want Lala Land to think they won something again. So I'm just gonna be careful. I learned something this year, darling. So then, Shay, when we come back, Shay starts getting into the meat of it. And he's basically like, I couldn't do the lifestyle.
Starting point is 01:01:00 I was like, you know, I'm working on my sobriety. It was just too hard to go out and, you know, and she's like, you know, I'm working my sobriety. It was just too hard to go out and you know, and she's like, but you're so light. And she's like, no, but it was like, it's too hard. And she decided that she still wanted to go out and then I'll be stuck at home alone. She's like, you're like, no, it's all fine. There's a wink. And she's like, because you were out five days a week. Oh, you're like a son. So I actually give Mike, I'm gonna give, I actually think he gets two points on that one.
Starting point is 01:01:29 I think that's a, that one's a big one. Two. Yeah, because he's sober and it's basically saying, I was working my sobriety and, you know, like, she didn't really, Okay, okay, you're right. I think that's a big, that's like more than just like, you know, I built a business or whatever. That one's like a. That's true. I was like, this was a super hard thing.
Starting point is 01:01:53 And you were still dri, like I wasn't ready and you were still dragging me to these things. I was either be dragged to these things or sit home alone and either way I didn't have my partner in crime. So I give them two points on that one. I do too. My argument was going to be, you know, you have to be something to come home to. Like in other words, this guy just, they're all day without a job. Does fucking nothing, but eat off of her dime, never even makes an effort in life. He acts like being sober as a fucking job that he gets a gold store, a gold star from up in. For Shina for sure. No, but I can't because I think you're really right and even though he's a lane piece of shit That's what she married. So if you don't want to go home to a lady's a shit
Starting point is 01:02:30 You should you see I'll debate myself, you know, like I don't I think you're right I think that he can think she gets nothing and I do I know what you're saying you have to be someone to come home to but I also think that Shina Is more interested in going to the parties. Yeah. And if Shina had the... Even if he wasn't going home too. If Shina had more of a brain, she would have been like, well, part of my job is going to these things.
Starting point is 01:02:55 They're publicity events. I have to meet people. This is how I move ahead in this weird shallow life. Like, deal with it. It's kind of my job. I actually feel like she probably did say that, to be honest. So she didn't really say it. So I can't give her a point for something she could have said if she was smarter in this argument. So she doesn't get a point for that. But now there's this situation where there was another girl. And I sort of was murky on this timeline was the she was texting with another girl. And was this, did this happen?
Starting point is 01:03:22 Well, yeah, this is, can you work, can you, this happens right now? Because he said, like, question is, like in his, in their marriage, did this happen when he was sober or before he was sober? Well, the timeline is, this question is when did the marriage go bad? And she and it goes like three months, because last time I found about the pills, three months and I found out about the pills. And then, she, then Andy goes, what, Shae, are you surprised? And he's like, well, yeah, because it was just like a year ago for me.
Starting point is 01:03:54 And Gina says, which is so sad, I'm sorry to laugh, but she's like, it was terrible from the beginning. He's like, uh, just last year, actually. But um, he says it was a year ago for me. And she goes, all right, a year ago, once I saw those texts. So she's saying it only went bad once you got caught cheating on Instagram or whatever. That's what he said. He's saying that that it went out. He, he said it went bad just a year ago. Oh, because I already ago like what was all those texts? Oh, so the so the the texting was a year ago. Yeah, it sounds like she's saying.
Starting point is 01:04:32 So just a year ago when I first saw those texts that when he got caught wasn't going bad when you were cheating on me. It only was going bad when you were caught got it got it. So by the way, um, he was texting another girl. So I think that's a point for Shina. Oh my God, he goes, she goes, she goes, she wants to have those texts.
Starting point is 01:04:50 And he goes, you mean the text that my friend sent me? She goes, yeah, the you on top of me texts. And that's like, was it Carl? I was like, who is asking for Mike's shade to be on top of them? Put your weight on me, Shay.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Is it someone in the Arctic? Like... That's... It was for that. It definitely wasn't Beyonce. You put my love on top. Okay, okay, you can get off now Shay. And this is also the part, this is so Andy, he goes, well, I mean, it was just Instagram.
Starting point is 01:05:27 He's like, that doesn't count right? That's not cheating. Which I kind of agree with, but Sina, that's just such a gay guy thing. But Sina was like, yeah, well, he what a gone, but she loved across country. We know he definitely does not have the motivation or literally the drive both emotionally or vehicularily to go across the country or do cross country. So Tom is so Tom's like, I'm curious. Why did you reach out? I'm not sure which Tom, but I'll pretend it's Tom number one.
Starting point is 01:06:02 He's like, why did you reach out to this girl, Shay? Emotional support? Like they're even trying to give him help. You know, the guys are like, you just needed emotional support, right? And Shay goes, well, we met at mixology. Oh, what he said that I was like, no, no, no, no. I think you are beyond fucking hell.
Starting point is 01:06:24 We met at mixology, that's right. Oh, no, no, you are beyond fucking hell. We met at Mixology, that's right. Oh, no. The fact that you ever entertained any sort of relationship with anyone that you met at Mixology 101 means, does she need to get a point from that? I don't know, does she get a point? Well, Mixology is also a set piece for this show. They go to Mixology, they've been to Mixology. Did he meet this girl at when she was like she knows birthday party or some shit?
Starting point is 01:06:49 There's so many questions that people are skipping over here. How did you meet her at mixology? Who were you with? And was this during shooting you, motherfucker? It's probably she knows birthday when she kind of fed. Me, you got my part, man. I stepped on a mistress. So I think was this one she and her makeup?
Starting point is 01:07:08 Um, yes. Oh wait, who gets a point? Was there a point? Okay, so he was cheating on Insta and- We gave she no point for that. Oh we did? We gave she no point for the fact that he was texting this girl. Oh wait, I hadn't given one.
Starting point is 01:07:23 I only have- I have an 8 to 4. 8? Oh my god you've been writing wait, I hadn't given one. I only have eight to four. Oh my God, you've been writing down points I haven't. I have five to four. Okay, so I'll write three more down. Yeah, there were some other points. Because I just automatically gave her a point because if he's texting another woman,
Starting point is 01:07:35 that's an automatic point. Normally it would even be probably more points, but in this situation, I think it's just one point. Okay, okay. So next is Shina, every time she talks. So now everybody's like, this is so cool. The internet went fucking crazy on Shina. Because she not only starts wiping her eyes,
Starting point is 01:07:55 but she whips out her contact. Her contact. Her contact. She's at her contact and staring at herself and fixing it. Yeah. I was like, great job listening there. He's like, you never listen. I dare when she literally stares at herself in her compact in their little mirror.
Starting point is 01:08:12 And then she's just looking at her like, what the hell is wrong with you? Yeah, but she was crying. So she was trying to clear her tears. And it went the way I actually understood it, because sometimes when you're just like, you're so devastated, you just want something to like distract you, or like you can't deal,
Starting point is 01:08:32 or you're just, she's like, she's just trying to get her shit together. But if you're being accused of being a bad listener, and Mike is telling the story about how he met the second love of his life at Mixology 101, you can't bust out the makeup. I mean, that's... Even if you are listening, this is the reason why someone thinks you're not listening, because you're doing makeup while someone's trying to share with you. So, that's a point for Mike right there.
Starting point is 01:09:01 She's like, I'm just nervous, I'm uncomfortable! I'm gonna go to the counter ball. And we have learned that that is a girl thing to do on these shows because when they get nervous, they usually start patting their hair or messing with their hair or something. So I don't, the only reason I'm not saying this is a tie for me is because she whipped out the compact. I mean, that's just too much. Yeah. No, no, I give, I give Mike a point for that. It's eight to five. Oh, okay. I'll give him, I hate giving him points, but I will. Because it was, it's like, if you're trying to, like, if you're trying to,
Starting point is 01:09:34 to communicate with someone and they, and they do that, even if they're listening, it's really obnoxious. So then, um, so then ironically, she starts talking about their relationship and says that there was a lack of communication and Mike says, well why don't you bring it up? Why don't you bring that up that there's lack of communication? And so I'm like, so he wants her to communicate about the lack of communication. You can't communicate about something when it doesn't there. They already have talked about that. Like we've seen them talk about that and then he started disappearing to the studio. But you know, she ain't gonna listen. So yeah, I don't know. So then we get into this is
Starting point is 01:10:12 Shays big shit the the The the big smoking gun and Shays Shays argument, right? Yeah, so then we she's like well It wasn't just the texting because then that turned into other issues. And he's like, what didn't you tell me because I was like on a six month roll with no drugs? And I thought, this is why no one will take you seriously. You're saying six month roll? That's like what people do on Molly. You roll. Like, why are you bringing up drug terminology where you're trying to stand up for yourself? Like there is no standing up for you.
Starting point is 01:10:43 Yeah. So basically what he says is that he was six months in to being sober, and then she found out about this texting. And to retaliate, she went on to the TV show and told Lisa that Mike has a pill problem. And then from that point on, he was essentially labelled as an addict. And now everywhere he goes, he's like, look, there's just like, oh, they're shay, he's just the shay, the addict, shay, the addict.
Starting point is 01:11:09 I'm like, you realize, so you're, you're like kind of unpilled. You're an addict. You're an addict. And then when she says, yeah, well, on the internet, I'm achieving horror. So are there. And that's what the internet does. And he goes, yeah, but I didn't do that to you. You did that to yourself.
Starting point is 01:11:24 And guess what? You are an addict by yourself. Did she put a fucking spoon in your hand with the lighter? No. Exactly. Exactly. Now going on camera and talking about it, that's shitty, especially, I mean, there's no standing up for that. Yeah, he gets a point for that. Yeah, but I'm confused because that's what everybody, that's what everybody's saying is that she gets a get a wing for it. She said that he was an addict because she was mad. But then she's saying, yeah, but I saw that you were still during drugs because you were
Starting point is 01:11:53 texting on TV or you were texting about drugs and no, no, no, no, no. So he wasn't sober. So it depends on whether he was sober or not. If he's not sober and she's crying to Lisa because he's not sober, I mean, you're on a reality show. If she's hearing his dirty laundry as retaliation to the nation, that's really shady. And I think Mike gets at least one point for that. Okay, so let's give it to Mike
Starting point is 01:12:17 because we have that issue. And what was really twisted about it was brand, I mean, not she was like, well, I just like, she didn't want to sit talk about the cheating stuff because she was afraid that all of Brandy's fans would be like that's what she can't I'm like Brandy has fans I'm sorry but so here's I was just gonna say that she uh she's like, oh, I'm sorry. But so here's, no. I was just gonna say that she, she's after he goes, yeah, but you labeled yourself that.
Starting point is 01:12:50 I didn't do that to you. And then she goes, she said like, mm, mm, mm, see, that's an example of how she treated me. Yeah. Ooh. Well, let's see this guy. But you know, the other thing is,
Starting point is 01:13:03 I mean, the funny thing is that in her attempts to try to keep something away from the quote unquote brandy fans, she's see this guy, but you know that the other thing is I mean the funny thing is that in her attempts to Try to keep something away from the quote unquote brandy fans. She's done something now that Makes them just probably like sit back and laugh with glee even way more than they would have, you know but what's interesting here is and You know again whenever I start talking about this stuff I acknowledge it. I'm not an expert in it and I don't know the ins and outs, but my impression, and I'm very open to people correcting me on the internet, I'm open to it, I am aware. But if you're going through the program, right?
Starting point is 01:13:37 Isn't one of the things that you, there's like one of the steps is something about like sort of owning it baby, you know where like you recognize that people's reactions to you, they're reactive stuff that you, something that they, that you did to them in a sense, your behavior caused this, right? Yeah. And so I, I feel like a lot of the, feel like a one of the things with going through the program is sort of like Taking responsibility taking responsibility and also ownership and it should not be like I can't be told everyone You know I was on pills should be like yes, this is my sickness
Starting point is 01:14:19 It's you know I've been working on it. I would have preferred it not to come out But at the same time, you know, it's nothing that I'm afraid of because I'm talking yada yada yada But literally he may not have been at that point yet, which is and that he clearly is not at that point And I'm not saying, oh, you have to act like this, especially because I'm not an expert and I haven't been through the program But that was my impression of what it should be like and so the fact that he's actually sort of pulling a Kim Richards How Kim was revacking to Kyle like I didn't like how you treated me because of this and that. It's like, you know, though, but you were, you were in an altered state. And this was your wife.
Starting point is 01:14:52 And like, can she be held next to the same standards necessarily when you kind of put her in this position through your abuse of drugs? Well, am might be good for a minute. Yeah, it makes sense, but even without bringing personal life into it, because I have a lot of personal stuff I could bring to it on both sides, but just the Bravo experience. Look at the difference in Kim Richards.
Starting point is 01:15:17 Like you can really tell when Kim Richards is sober and when she's not, because when she's not sober and she's fucking lying about it, she's always the victim. It's always about how someone else was mean to her or what somebody said. And this time she's like, you know, I get it. I'm in the program. This is what it is. And this is what we talk about in the program. Because when you're overcoming something is difficult as drug addiction and it is fucking difficult. Yeah, I don't want to take that away from him. I think he's got a huge struggle and it's very hard.
Starting point is 01:15:45 I'm not saying, oh, it's just like fixing. You should just be acting like that. I get that. Right. But when you are overcoming it and you're really working hard at it, it's something you're proud of and it's something you want to talk about. And it's not something you learn to empower yourself by taking charge like that. And you're not a victim about every fucking thing.
Starting point is 01:16:02 And he's this guy. It's just a goddamn mess because he's obviously still got some issue that he's whining everything like he's, oh, she had all the money, yeah, it was all about her money. Oh, so it's her fault. It's like that all this money just been on drugs, you know?
Starting point is 01:16:18 Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's shitty. And as much as you can say, this is an illness and you have to have compassion, yes, you have to have compassion, but you also have to not let people use excuses because that's what enabling is. You know, when you let people just say, oh, poor thing, he's addicted to shit. Well, we could all be addicted to shit. You know, we've all have our shit and we're all life kicks you in the ass because of it.
Starting point is 01:16:42 Mm-hmm. You know? And she has no angel and she is not, probably not your best writer dying in an addiction scenario. Yeah, she was terrible with it. She didn't even know what the fuck it was. Like, that's not saying that she is a good person, but don't come on blaming everybody else for your shit,
Starting point is 01:16:58 especially when you're spending thousands of dollars of someone else's money and making zero effort in life, you know? Yeah, and then so his next big point was that You know she knows she knows said that they were gonna that you know He was like I want to make this work and she said yeah, well, we're gonna make it work and yada yada yada And then she brought him on camera and divorced him right on camera and that was a big betrayal or whatever and She was like yeah, well that's because I found out you were buying pills and you heard me, so I'm going to hurt you back.
Starting point is 01:17:27 So I don't give Shina a point for you hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you back, but I'm going to give her a point for you bought pills. You said you want to work it out and then you bought pills behind my back. So I give Shina a point for that. Well Shina said during that scene, she said when they, you know, in her confessional or whatever, she's like, he's doing drugs. I found this text that he's still using. And if he lies to me about it, that's it. So she even said during that time, okay, well, we'll see what's about to happen. Either he's going to be honest with me or he's
Starting point is 01:17:59 going to lie. And he lied. And even right now when she's saying, yeah, you're doing drugs. You were doing pills. Admit it. And he or deny it or whatever. And he wouldn and even right now when she's saying, Yeah, you were doing drag, you were doing pills, admit it. Or deny it or whatever. And he wouldn't deny it because he fucking knows, you know? So you can't have it both ways. And then he's like, you know, his point is sort of that, like, you know, she made him suffer the indignity of, you know, being served this divorce on,
Starting point is 01:18:20 well, not really served, but, you know, she breaks up with him on camera, and was super embarrassing for him. But I'm like, you know, but it's embarrassing for her too, that she's been talking about, this is the sky, who's so wonderful, et cetera. And then, like, you know, she's excited for this marriage. And she has been the butt of jokes for a few years now because of this marriage. She's been dealing with that. So I mean, who embarrassed who first? Yeah. And it gets, I mean, they get so low with this, like, but then I did
Starting point is 01:18:45 that to you. And then, and she really is an idiot for even saying that. And that is fucking shitty. Like, you can't, oh, I can't award she any points for that. That is shitty. It's like, okay, you know, your husband is using again. And so you're going to crush him even more by dumping him on TV. I mean, that's just a shit, shit move. That is. But at the same time, you had no problem when you were getting a free wedding on TV. I mean, that's just a shit, shit move. But at the same time, you had no problem when you were getting a free wedding on TV. Yep, yep. So then Shina tells Shae she's dating Rob.
Starting point is 01:19:16 Are you following Instagram? Because I don't know who that is. Yeah, you're following him on Instagram. And they just cut to Stasi, because as Mike starts to realize with, Stasi has this look on her face. She looks from like, she's like looking at Shay, and then she just looks away,
Starting point is 01:19:32 and then her lips just do this mumbling, the silent mumbling, like, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, I gotta get out of here. It just sinks down. We put on our Instagram, because it was too amazing. And he goes, that's the dude. I can't, like, you don't know. He says, I don't go on social because I miss you so much. I'm like, no, you don't, you don't go on social because you don't have a phone anymore.
Starting point is 01:19:53 And I'm sure that your friends at the studio are telling you what's going on on social. Give me a break, dude. And she's like, we've been friends for 10 years. And I think that's one of his friends, too, by the way, at least that's what the internet is saying. And isn't that when James, isn't that when, is that when James had that look on his face like, oh, my God. Yeah, this is hilarious and terrible all at once. Yeah, he's like, my eyes are dilating right now,
Starting point is 01:20:19 and I haven't even snorted you to anything. So, I wish there was a little Asian shade for me to hide behind. Uh-huh. The next question, Andy's like, so share, you seeing anyone? And he goes, no, because technically I'm still married. Oh, burn, Shay. You burn.
Starting point is 01:20:35 You were the one cheating on Instagram. Now you're going to take your moms, because you know his mom's like, how dare her. She is still married. Yeah. She would come up with that on his set. It's in the mail. It matters to him. Yeah. So, but then she is like, yeah, he's like, you know, I mean,
Starting point is 01:20:52 I'll always love you. You know, if you ever need anything, I'm there for you. But, you know, I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm OK, whatever. Ernie says, so she know, that was funny. She know, do you feel closer and she goes yeah, I Hear from people who follow you on snapchat that you're happy
Starting point is 01:21:18 I hope that you have friends who follow me on snapchat who can you know a test the fact that I have had any facial work done I hope that one day we can like be in a place that we can follow each other on Instagram and maybe like heart each other's post occasionally. So that was the end of the Shay segment and Shay leaves and when we come back it's like the wrap up the reunion and- Lisa's like, good day sir. I wish you well. Now leave your triple X apron at the host to stand. Those aren't cheap.
Starting point is 01:21:50 Shae, she. So then- The restaurant that never opens. Shae, she. So then afterwards, Andy's like, wow, like James and Jacks, you guys are like, Bugs, he has a crack it up. And Jack asks, goes, yeah, this was like the best screen you guys are like, but he has a crack it up and Jacks goes, yeah, this was like the best screen you never
Starting point is 01:22:07 and then he turns the machine and goes, I mean, for me, sorry. Gosh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:22:15 He's so bad. And then there's talk about the Tom Tom Club and Tom's crying again at the idea that I get to run this thing and and we Did be here correctly that it still hasn't opened because Tom Schwartz hasn't committed to it yet What an idiot Totally, and that's pretty much it. I mean after the scene of stuff By the way, you want to talk about how Tom can't commit no Literally, I don't I want to cry. I want to do hard drugs right now.
Starting point is 01:22:46 Just make it go away. Our final tally is Chino with nine and Mike with six. So, you know, Mike got, he came close. He got, you know, he got a third, but Chino got two thirds of the points. Yeah, and I know that the internet ain't going to agree with this because they're like, she is a monster.
Starting point is 01:23:03 And again, I'm not even denying that, you think we did it. It was going to be nice. Yeah, and by the way, if you get mad at us for us saying that we think Shina actually edged out Mike, if you get mad, just remember it's Vanderpump rules. It's not worth getting mad at her. And we're just a podcast. It's Shina and Shay. And like we said, it's a lazy Susan of awful things. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun.
Starting point is 01:23:19 It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lotump rules. It's not worth getting mad over. And we're just a podcast. It's Shunin and Shay. And like we said, it's a lazy Susan of Awfulness. And one moment someone's great. And in a half second, they're the worst. And just, you know, it's a reunion. So the lazy Susan sort of stops and you're stuck with that when it stops for a few months. But don't worry,
Starting point is 01:23:40 we're gonna spin it up again. And, know, you're going to change all your opinions. Your own shape, it's a lazy and Susan. Lazy shade. A lazy shazin. It just never turns. They're like, Hey, could you spin around so I can get some of that sour cream? They're like, well, move. Some of that sour cream. Who puts sour cream on a lazy season?
Starting point is 01:24:00 Everything goes on there. It's like the whole dinners on there and you spin it around to get what you'd like, right? Shade just has said in varieties of sour cream on the season. Well, I almost said lovney, but you guys wouldn't know what that is So that's what we had it because my city my Lebanese grandma had it lazy season the table And so it'd be like would you spin the lovney? I almost bought some last night, but instead I got some Bulgarian feta I almost bought some last night but instead I got some Bulgarian feta I just kept out lazy season spinning. I was like love me. Okay pass the beat up. Okay, great, please Like the most workout that lazy season ever got it sit these house
Starting point is 01:24:35 Let me say that you love me. It's yogurt I love me on lab new, okay? I think I'll have one of each of the prime lab news. Let's sign off of this bitch, shall we be in? Well, Vanipomp rules. Wonderful season 5. Thank you for being the gift that never stops giving we hope you come back soon sooner rather than later it's April probably back in November so that's gonna be six or seven months
Starting point is 01:25:16 oh we love you Vanderpump rules bye bye everyone thanks for listening we'll be back tomorrow for real-outs well have to be who's and listen to the bonus episode and we have a live show on May 9th. Thank you. With the show golem. Bye. We, we, we, we. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to the podcast today.
Starting point is 01:25:33 We really appreciate the love and support you guys show us. If you have a minute, go to iTunes and leave a review. And if you don't want to do that, maybe next time you're talking to your friends about Bravo, you mention the podcast. Spraying the word really helps us grow, and it means the world to us. Also check us out on Instagram and Twitter. On Instagram, we're at Watchware Crappens, on Twitter, we're at What Crappens. You can also check out me and Ronnie on both platforms.
Starting point is 01:26:00 Ronnie is at Ronnie Caram on both Instagram and Twitter, I'm at B side blog on Instagram and Twitter. Really thank you guys so much. We really mean it. We appreciate the support and even if you do none of those things, we're just happy you're listening. Thanks. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens, Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go tell us about yourself by completing or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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