Watch What Crappens - #44: Blowin' (Joe Francis) Like a Hurricane
Episode Date: October 30, 2012Blowin' (Joe Francis) Like a Hurricane See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19....com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all things crappening on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam with TVgasm.com and I'm here with Ben Mandelger from B-Side Blog.
Hello Ben.
Hi there.
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Hola.
So today we have a huge double episode of Real Housewives of Miami to talk about.
The slap heard around the world.
But first, let's get to a little Housewives gossip.
Yeah.
Wait, what about our Twitter names and stuff like that?
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Okay.
That really demanded a Bossa Nova scoring in the background.
That would have been lovely.
I can always put it in later.
I was going to say, now we have to add it in post yeah we have to although my version sort of sounded like a pause screen for super mario
brothers that's okay yeah it's more or less the same music it's basically the same writers who
write the house the housewives music they just have better synthesizers now oh god i would love
a real housewives those do all sound like video
games and really since it's about a bunch of plastic people walking around punching each other
in the tit it's fitting how dare you call them plastic you're just like just like current and
gosh how i wish i could throw a fireball and maybe a spiky object from a cloud at current
maybe a hammer she deserves worse than that yeah isn't it funny how last
week it went from oh everybody's being mean to this poor girl is just trying to be nice to this
week where it's like c word she has to carry your pigeon okay so first i wanted to play you guys
some of this audio i won't play you the whole thing but this is coming from the Kyle and Jackie O show. A couple of Aussies, I guess, who are talking to Taylor Armstrong while she's on a vacation
in Mexico, and she's wasted.
Oh, good.
So let's listen.
Hello.
How are you?
You're in Mexico.
Are you having a bit of a holiday hunt?
I'm in Mexico, and I'm so happy.
No idea. Why are you so happy
at the moment? It's sunny.
It's fabulous.
It looks just like Australia.
You having a little afternoon of it down there?
It's, you know what?
I love Australia so
much and it's just like being
in Australia being in
Mexico.
You gotta love Taylor because suddenly she's Meryl Streep in that movie where the dingo ate her baby.
Are you kidding me?
She makes Kim Richards seem sane.
It's just like Australia.
I love Mexico. It's like the sombreros and the pueblos.
It's just like being in Sydney.
I'm going to come to Australia soon.
Chappy, chappy, hi-yo, chap, chap.
I am like having such a good time
not thinking about how I drove my husband to suicide.
Where do you think baby Reagan is right now?
I don't know, wherever Snowball is, that's for sure.
Probably Little Vault. Little Vault in Westwood. baby reagan is right now i don't know wherever snowball is that's for sure probably a little
vault little vault yeah westwood the the worst thing is you know everything that's happening
to this poor kid um fortunately we know that that kid's a brat and she's gonna grow up to be a horror
show of a human being but at the time you know for now she's a child so we have to be nice to her
and she gets my pity that's for sure, because Taylor is a fucking mess.
And later in this interview, she goes on to say how she's found the love of her life.
And she doesn't say who it is, but the rumor has it she's still dating that John Bluer.
I thought the love of her life was someone named, like, Don.
Like Don, Don, whatever, Julio.
I was going to say, clearly, it's a marker for Don. I Don. Don. Whatever. Julio. I was going to say.
Clearly it's a marker for Don.
I think that was his name maybe.
She's like,
Tank.
Tanker-ay.
Yeah.
She's a mess.
And the rumor has it that she's still boning her married attorney.
Who was getting her through her Russell stuff.
Let me tell you something.
Oh, you mean her attorney slash therapist?
Oh, was it that?
No, no.
Yeah, that was just the Bravo therapist.
The Bravo therapist.
Yeah.
Doctor useless.
Bravo appointed therapist.
Now, listen, let me tell you something.
So I saw Looper over the weekend,
and I'm not going to give anything away.
Speaking of Russell.
There's a child.
There's a child in Looper,
and I'm fairly...
Ronnie, you are terrible.
I believe that Kennedy is going to be this child from Looper.
And if anyone's seen Looper, knows what I'm talking about.
Oh my god.
Well, I don't think so, because...
Oh, see, this is going to be a...
Well, I don't think it'll be a spoiler alert, but I don't think so because that kid ends up being kind of a hero, right?
No.
The kid's scary as shit.
You know what?
I really don't understand a lot of movies.
What?
I really don't understand a lot of movies.
Like, I just don't have that kind of brain that can follow plots.
That's why I have to watch Housewives shows,
where it's just, like, screaming and yelling and hitting.
That's all I understand. Now, I would love to see a Looper version of to watch Housewives shows where it's just like screaming and yelling and hitting. That's all I understand.
Now, I would love to see a Looper version of The Real Housewives where like the like like current day Kim.
Kim Richards goes back in time to escape from which mountain?
Kim Richards.
They're down, but they're not really trying to kill each other.
They're just trying to fight over an electronic cigarette.
Hey, little girl, Kim Richards.
Listen here.
I'm big Kim Richards. Don't let Kyle
steal your house. She's coming.
I'm bringing this electronic
cigarette from the future.
Hey, you see how Kyle has
that giant purse? It'll fit your
house inside of it. Watch out,
little girl. You're gonna
love airplanes at the Van Nuys
Airport. Just get ready for that.
Ask your mom
to stop putting pots and pans on
your head to cut your hair in a line.
It looks stupid in the future.
Here's something for the future.
When Maurice has a party
in Hawaii, make sure you get
the early plane. Don't
hang out on the bathroom floor looking for
your makeup, because you're going to miss the early
plane and not get there three days later.
Hey, it's a pigeon. Hey, in the future
you're going to date a real ugly guy
who mouth breathes, and be careful, because you're
going to get pregnant with a shoe, a discount
shoe.
You know what I love?
I love lemons,
but not like the yellow ones.
I like them to be sort of like
orange, and you can call them oranges, though.
Sorry, my voice, by the way,
was starting to drift into Leah Black's voice.
It started to get a little high-pitched
at the end.
It's like somewhere between Leah Black and Carol Roswell
is where Kim Richards lives. You have a few more weeks to
perfect this. We're not coming back until
November 5th with the season premiere. A lives. You have a few more weeks to perfect this. We're not coming back until, what, November 5th
with the season premiere? A few more weeks.
A few more days. Speaking of Carol
Radziwill, did you guys go and
ever listen to her audiobook on
audible.com? I don't know. Could I
get it at audiblepodcast.com
slash funny? Yes.
If you go to audiblepodcast.com
slash funny, you can download a free
audiobook.
Like maybe,
Carol's Widows Making Love in the Rain.
That's all I have to say about her.
Now, I also saw, I finally saw The Dark Knight Rises last night. So I'm very much in a mindset of being like, for everything.
It's like, everything's like loud and intense.
That was another movie I didn't get that dark knight rises were the villains the occupy wall street
people i know right this is like not good for the 99 percenters because you know what according to
this movie they're all assholes like in a tear down society i totally um they kind of are and i
yeah i was about to say it didn't really change my mind exactly i am a 99
percenter i'm like we're the worst yeah i know we kind of like ruined the whole city so bye new york
sorry we were worse than hurricane sandy i hope everybody's okay out there in hurricane sandy
oh yeah which uh i would love a news alert on sonia's townhouse okay i just got one from the wet uh website wet paint um sonia marg
sonia morgan was pre was tweeting all night long last night guys it says sonia whose house was
previously damaged in hurricane irene in 2011 oh my god i didn't know that did you guys oh yeah
i heard something about it somewhere along sonia should have mentioned that on the show i know she
really should have she tweeted all night it seems she was uber prepared.
Okay, listen to this.
She even filled her tub with water so she could
flush the toilet if the water was lost.
She even filled her ass
with all the plumbers and roofers' dicks
in New York City, just in case
she needed them to help
dig her out. She was probably the one.
She's so poor, she probably took a job as a crane operator,
which is probably what happened to the 57th Street
crane thing that's going on right now. Oh, because she was
operating it and it fell apart? Yeah, she's like,
oh, you know, I left it up there. It's fine. It's fine.
Well, I have a feeling
they didn't want to lower the crane.
It's very proud.
It's a proud crane.
You know that when it does finally fall off, it's going to
land on the street, bounce,
bounce over five buildings and land directly on her townhouse.
What do you think Aviva was doing last night?
I mean, her anxiety is already through the roof on a normal day.
Do you think that she like hopped a plane to Thailand or like Canada last week or what did she do?
She was like a Looney Tunes like black cat that gets scared and it's like clawed onto the roof and like shaking.
I think that she is while wearing a gas mask and taking Cipro.
I think that since they're not filming,
she no longer has any phobias.
I think that's all a bunch of made-up bullshit.
She's probably in a corner.
She's probably in a corner,
rocking back and forth,
cuddling her leg as usual.
I think she's yelling at Hurricane Sandy
for not thanking Reed for calming her down
during Hurricane Sandy.
I think that she was considering changing
all of her children's names to Sandy because she likes
to rotate. She's probably like,
Oh, Hurricane Sandy, I bet you think you look real
powerful when you mash up with a Nor'easter,
don't you? That's why you did it.
Makes you look real strong to be a
super storm. How could you not bring
a banner, Hurricane Sandy?
How dare you? You're disgusting.
All you storms, you're all white trash, quite frankly.
Quite frankly.
I bet you're pointing out how not dry Sonia is, aren't you?
Makes you feel real sober, don't it?
This isn't about you.
This is about the buildings on 57th Street that don't have cranes.
We're all going to hell.
Oh, thank God.
As I always say, the only person in heaven is going to be
my memon. That ain't going to be no fun.
Okay, let's see.
Taylor, Taylor. I've got so many
Taylor windows open because I had to read that
Taylor interview on 20 different websites.
Well, why don't we just go into Miami?
What else is there to say? We had two episodes
of Miami since the last podcast with Leah Black black which matt i'm so sorry you had
to miss that um you have no idea at least she retweeted me when i posted it that was good yes
no she was fantastic she was hilarious she her voice is so sing-songy and to be able to listen
to it for like 45 minutes was just a dream she is the star of that goddamn show i don't care what
anybody says her and adriana i'm like team adriana team leah black i don't care about the star of that goddamn show. I don't care what anybody says. Her and Adriana. I'm like team Adriana, team Leah Black.
I don't care about the rest of those bitches.
Yeah, and I'll tell you, I'm like anti-team Joanna Krupa for crying.
And Karen.
I hate Joanna and Karen with all of my being.
I do love that we call her Karen, though.
That's like my favorite thing.
It's either going to be Karen or Karen T.
And I don't want to call her
Carantee.
Or Carantee.
Or Carantee.
Okay, that's better.
No, I still like Corrent the most.
All right.
So they're both like awful women.
I think that Joanna,
I don't know who's worse.
No, Joanna is the worst.
Joanna is pretty awful.
Where do we begin?
Where should we start, guys?
Well, I like that Carant
is a name that sounds like
Brangelina,
but for care and cunt it's
like a caring cunt and i think that's so funny well but she acts like it she's always got that
joker smile like she's just caring about you but she's really just a cunt at the end of the day all
she does is drop bombs and then like dust her hands off and step back in the kitchen and let
everybody else fight around you know that bitch goes into an elevator and farts on purpose
and then just looks at somebody else.
And flashes that faux
smile. She really does.
Well, why don't we talk about this party? So basically
the party started on Thursday's
episode. It lasts like 15 minutes
of Thursday's episode. And basically
Corrine stirred the pot like right
off the bat. The first thing that happened
was you have nut job Joanna Krupa there who sees, like, any sort of, like...
Okay, before we even go there, you say this Krupa bitch.
Okay, Joanna Krupa had leather Louis Vuitton bags just laying on the ground while she was doing that whole fur,
and people who wear fur deserve to die, and this whole thing that she's...
You know, first of all, PETA kills more animals than the Humane Society.
Do you guys know that?
They kill so many animals at PETA
that it's fucking ridiculous,
and all you have to do is Google that to look.
These celebrities are such morons.
They get up there just to show their tits
in a new and interesting way,
and that's really all they're doing.
They don't give a shit about animals.
Look at all that leather on the ground.
Give me a break, bitch.
I gotta say something,
and this is gonna make me seem like a total hypocrite but you know what's new um i'm a die-hard vegetarian i am against people wearing fur but i do have
leather seats in my car and i just ordered a glamorous new leather leather couch and i don't
give a shit well neither does she but you're not threatening to murder us if you see no but i kind
of want to murder you if you eat a hamburger in front of me.
But at the same time, I'm like, if you're already eating the hamburger, I might as well take the pretty flesh and make it into a glam couch.
Well, I'm only a month-long vegetarian, so I haven't really built up the judgmentalism that I need to do it Krupa-style.
Because that bitch is crazy.
Don't we think the real problem with her, though, is her drinking problem and her crazy problem. It's less about the
fur and it's more about she's mentally unstable.
Hey, she's just a Polish immigrant trying
to get a plate of food.
That was amazing.
They're just trying to get a little plate for their food.
I'm going too far
ahead. So let's recap.
So basically Joanna, she's decided
that her whole thing in life is that she hates fur
and she hates –
And therefore Marisol.
Right.
And so Marisol comes in with this, you know, basically a dead animal wrapped around her shoulders.
TBD. TBD.
It did not look so real to me.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I agree, actually.
To me it looked like some –
It looked a little Forever 21.
Forever 81, I think it was.
I was going to say.
I'm being very generous.
Well, wasn't it her great-grandmother's?
I mean that wouldn't have been been during the Depression or some shit.
It's probably an alpaca from, you know, 1804.
It's probably like expired cheese.
That alpaca was probably like, fucking kill me.
Skin me.
It's probably just a distorted version of George Washington's wig.
Just got torn out of place and turned into a stole.
Probably just a nightgown that Elsa's grandmother spilled some yogurt on, you know, 50 years ago. And it's just grown a out of place and turned into probably just a nightgown that elsa's grandmother
spilled some yogurt on you know 50 years ago and it's just grown a lot of hair it's probably just
some poor bunny that accidentally stepped into sonia's toaster and toaster squasher that's like
the toaster actually like squashes thing it's like a peony press inside probably it's a very proud
bunny jacket that's a proud bunny so anyway i love so like marisol walks in with
this thing it's fine and joanna's like i can't believe she would wear that like i'm here i can't
believe she would do that you know she knows i'm here i can't believe she would do that to me you
know i love animals that's fur you know that was skinned alive only terrible people she deserves
to die stupid bitch i'll kill that bitch. I'm like, whoa, Jola.
Calm down. No, she gets a little Scarface up in there.
I mean, Scarface is Miami, but she's like, wait, you're from Poland.
Yeah, it's more like Cokeface.
But anyway, then Karen, of course, is like right up Joanna's ass because Joanna is like the most famous of all these women.
So Karen is like, okay, I will go around the interference.
So she goes up and then she's
like oh you know i don't i just don't want you to towards anyone's feelings to marisol and it's
like the most ridiculous thing of all i mean it's so presumptuous it's so not karen's place at all
and now all of us now we have a feud that's brewing there but i love how karen does it
she goes up and she's like um is this fur what is this is this fur is this real is this fur what is this
yes i love that marisol was like i don't even know
marisol doesn't care she's already like wasted herself and you know anybody and you know that
like if corrent were ever invited to some famous furrier's house she would show up head to toe
looking like an eskimo and demanding photos and and then tweet them before Adriana and piss everybody off.
Exactly.
Like she would show up to George Lucas' house,
finding one of those beasts that Luke Skywalker like kills and steps inside to forewarn.
That's what Corrine would show up in.
I don't know why I went that place.
I think it's because I just read that Disney bought Lucasfilm.
It's on top of my mind.
I'm sorry.
Very topical.
All my metaphors and jokes are going to be Star Wars
related, so just get ready.
Makes sense.
Marta sort of talks like Jar Jar Binks.
Mary Saul, though, kind of doesn't give a fuck that
Corrine is trying to stir the pot. She's kind of just
brushing it off. But then Joanna,
I mean, does Joanna lose her shit because she's
an alcoholic?
From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously
what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction
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And we are about to flip the script on all of that.
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She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights.
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If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.
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Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school I think she's just a lightweight because clearly she's also anorexic.
She loses her shit for, I think, a variety of reasons.
I think it's...
She has the Hurricane Sandy of reasons
for why she ever loses her shit.
It's just a lot of different things going on,
all coming to a terrible head.
It's just her nature.
You know, that's the thing,
if you're going to say Hurricane Sandy.
It's just...
She's a horrible...
Naturally, she's horrible.
There's no good way out of this.
When you're watching these episodes... She's a natural naturally she's horrible when you're watching these episodes
she's a natural disaster
when she makes somebody like
Joe Francis look like a
god there is a serious
problem and he came off looking amazing
last night he really did and by the way
we're trying to get Joe Francis to come on the podcast
he said he was down for
it and then I'm just working with his assistant
to get him on here.
But I think he may have thought this was Watch What Happens, not Watch What Crappens.
So we'll see.
Hilarious.
Yeah, but I don't know if you really want him on this show, because my only question is, so you basically admitted raping a child on national TV.
How do you feel about that?
She was 17.
No.
That was funny.
She wasn't.
Joanna Krupa was actually – let's switch over to Watch What Happens really quick.
Because after this, Corrine and Joanna were both on Watch What Happens.
Did you guys watch it?
Yes.
So basically, Corrine is still stirring the pot.
She's still sitting there talking really, like making Joanna crazy while she's sitting right next to her.
But Joanna basically just came on and screamed and yelled the whole time.
Adriana came on the phone.
They screamed and yelled the whole time. Adriana came on the phone. They screamed and yelled the whole time.
You couldn't hear a thing.
But one thing that Joanna did point out is that Joe was saying that he boned them both right when they moved to Miami.
And that would have made Marta 13 years old, which is –
No, didn't they correct that yesterday and say that she moved there when she was 17 and she probably turned 18 very quickly after that?
Yeah, I mean he probably – That's what they said on the show i you know it's funny i thought the same thing when she
said uh yeah like i was 17 when i moved to miami i was like oh wow so so joe francis was involved
with some potentially underage joe francis joe francis um has like a penthouse at the port
so when young girls get off the boat he's ready to roll i'll
be sure to tell him that i was like yeah so come on the podcast um this is what we've been saying
hey hey i like him i like him and i'm glad that he did both of them and i think it's hilarious
that he said it in front of romaine lettuce and upset joanna because guess what anybody who wants
to upset joanna is a friend of mine and you know what romaine lettuce what did he do nothing he
just sat there i know i sat there because he knewuce, what did he do? Nothing. He just sat there.
And you know why he sat there?
Because he knew it was the truth.
He knows it's the truth and he also hates his girlfriend
and realizes that she's an alcoholic,
anorexic bitch
and he peaced out
when shit hit the fan last night
and I don't blame him.
Well, also notice that he has no problem
fighting with Adriana
because she's a woman.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Listen,
so, you know,
Joe Francis,
you know, Joe Francis got Leah Black's
big seal of approval
both on our podcast and on the show.
You've got to give him
some credit for that.
Give him props. He's a smart businessman.
He responds to emails.
I emailed him. I said, come on the show.
He emails back. Not everyone does that.
Whatever. I think he's hot.
I'm going to just put it out there.
He's hot, hot, hot.
He actually is.
He's not bad looking.
He's not a bad looking guy.
But you know what, though?
So his claim was that he mentions that he slept with both the girls, both the Krupa sisters.
Let's take a pause right here.
Who would you rather sleep with?
I think Marta is way hotter than Joanna.
I think Joanna has better bragging rights, though. and let's be honest, that's the only reason
why people... Why, because she's a PETA
spokesperson? No, because she's on Dancing
with the Stars. Oh, and that makes her a
class act. I would sleep with Joanna
because Joanna would get the hell out of my house
the next day and pretend it never happened
and Marta would fucking stay there.
Marta would never leave and she would wear
orange eyeshadow the entire time. And she'd cry.
She'd cry the entire time
and she'd pretend that she speaks Spanish so that she could be
consoled by a
by a maid
a maid slash pastor slash
future boob job
slash the pastor with the
nicest tits of any parish ever
slash alcoholic
but anyway
so Joe says this stuff so corinne immediately goes and she doesn't
even just tell joanna like hey look you know joe's been saying this she just brings them both together
and is like so okay so joanna um joe's been saying that he slept with you like what the
fuck is right in front of her boyfriend as well why like who does she think she is for doing that's
not her place yeah i'm not her place she's horrible she's a horrible human being and this
uh episode was actually really good because we finally got to see that she really is a horror
show and she deserves everything that she's gonna get and i love it yeah i mean doesn't doesn't
corinne think for one moment that maybe uh like if she brought this up to Joanna, it'd be hugely embarrassing to her.
If she had slept with Joe, it'd be embarrassing
to Joanna. If she hadn't slept with Joe,
all it is is just going to make
a fight. What's the point?
I'm sorry, Matt. Go.
No, go ahead. I was just going to say she obviously
really slept with him.
She did, and you can see that in the
preview for the next episode, and it's just
Adriana, and she's throwing her hands up in the air, and she's going, why would she get so worked up about it unless she didn't bone him?
You know, clearly she did.
Yeah, like, she would have, like, honestly, I think if they hadn't had sex, I think that she would have just, like, laughed it off and been like, whatever, Joe, you wish.
But on the other hand, then you have Marta giggling, drunk, and totally drugged out of her mind going like
i'm not gonna answer that question and then five minutes later they show her in the um kitchen
with joe and they're holding hands and i love the bravo cameraman kept zooming in on him holding
her hand because you know what happened later that night oh yeah they had to rekindle that
romance they rekindled that shit all night long oh Oh, yeah, of course, Marta wants those bragging rights, too.
Just like we want the bragging, or I want the Joanna Cooper bragging rights.
I slept with someone from Dancing with the Stars.
She wants to sleep with Joe Francis again.
I can't believe that Joanna's acting like, oh, my God, we're all going to be so shocked that a swimsuit model who started as a host on Girls Gone Wild was a whore.
I mean, hello, that's the American dream.
You've got those tattoos on, girl?
I know, I'm like,
Ronnie, you just made me like her for a second
because part of me is like, props to her for
making it happen, but then she's horrible.
She is horrible. I mean,
you know, this whole, I've worked for 12 years!
I've worked for 12 years of my career!
Really? You work so hard at
12 years, you're a fucking bikini model.
Get over yourself yourself Ocean Drive magazine
again not in everybody's living room coffee table
and not even on the cover bitch
thank you
you got passed up and put in the middle of the mag
well you know who else is awful
Bo from Big Brother 6
who made his triumphant return to pop culture
on this episode
Bo I couldn't believe after all those weeks of seeing someone getting thrown in the pool that it turned out to be Bo from Big Brother 6.
Oh, wait.
That guy was from Big Brother?
That little queen?
Yeah.
So for people like Ronnie who don't know what I'm talking about, on season six of Big Brother, there was an alliance called The Friendship.
And The Friendship was one of the most hated, if not the most hated alliance in the history of Big Brother, there was an alliance called The Friendship. And The Friendship was one of the most
hated, if not the most hated alliance
in the history of Big Brother.
And maybe in the history of reality TV.
It was loathed. And Bo
was right in the middle of it. And Bo was awful.
Well, let's be honest. Big Brother
and most reality shows are notorious
for casting only the most offensive,
horrifying, disgusting gay human beings
on the face of the earth. And he is definitely one of them.
I mean, I've really been okay with being gay since I was 15 years old.
And I've never hated myself as much as I hate myself while I watch Housewives.
Exactly.
I mean, I would sign up for church camp.
I would do whatever I can to stop liking wieners after watching That Little Queen and The Drag Queen and Pushing Him into the Pool.
They're both disgusting.
Yeah, well, Bo is even worse.
Bo is terrible because he was there and he starts going off on leo he's the
worst because he's friends with corinne yeah exactly what a tag team that is yeah exactly
corinne and bo and of course she distanced himself herself from him afterwards but he is a terrible
person like and we have literally two and a half months of documentation on CBS of how awful he is.
This is not what we saw on Miami.
It was not him playing for the cameras.
That's how he is.
Disgusting.
And he was mad that Leah didn't recognize him for crying out loud.
I mean, now I'm mad that I recognized him because I'm feeling as if he—
I know.
Like, I'm embarrassed.
I wish that I hadn't even addressed that.
I know.
I wish I was Leah at that moment just so I could say, I'm sorry!
Webster hasn't been on the air in ages!
I don't know who you are!
I just thought you were a waiter!
So, different strokes
for different folks!
How's Mr. Drummond?
Where's Kimberly?
I don't know where she is!
Why hasn't she come to any parties anymore?
How fun is that, to have a different
Sharks reunion? I represented her
before she swallowed some Drano.
How great is that?
Where's Todd Bridges?
He's a dear friend of mine.
He stole my sofa where last time
he came over, but he's a sweetheart.
He used to have this little
house, and I went over to him, and I said,
tear it down
and then i made him invoice me well that little thing was hilarious he's like you just walk
right past me you don't even pretend you don't even know who i am and i can't believe i don't
know who you think you are but no one treated me and he's like going off like he was just upset
because he wanted to be wearing her purple boa.
I mean, for reals.
Obviously.
Leah handled it like a pro.
She was like, well, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
And then she takes a call on her Blackberry and he loses his shit again after they've smoothed things over.
Oh, fine, Miss Leah Blackberry.
Now look at your phone.
Now look at your phone.
Okay.
And she's like, what?
I have a 10-year-old son.
Sometimes he needs me.
But the best part about Bo, and this happened in Big Brother and it happened in Miami,
is that he starts these stupid-ass fights and he always gets served.
Because you know what?
In Big Brother, Janelle stepped, he stepped to Janelle and Janelle took him down.
Janelle was like.
Put him in his place.
Do you remember the line she said?
She said something like, you're just a big pussy or something like that yeah it was the best thing ever because i'm team janelle she was like she said something
that should have been like totally offensive to all gay people she's like you're gonna just why
don't you just like go back and get some ass up your fucking get some penis up your fucking ass
something like that and you and i were probably like high-fiving on the couch going like everyone
that was totally disrespectful but go janelle yeah every gay person's like yeah that's right like i think she may have even used a slur but it was like yeah standing ovation you know what, that was totally disrespectful, but go Janelle. Yeah, every gay person was like, yeah, that's right.
Like, I think she may have even used a slur, but it was like, yeah, standing ovation, you know?
Hey, you know what?
When they're as bad as Bo, throw all the slurs you want, people.
Even you straight folk.
Yeah, get rid of them.
And so then here comes Bo starting up a fight.
And what happens?
Ronnie, you said it all along.
Don't fight with the drag queen because Bo gets tossed right into the pool.
Oh, yeah.
You do not mess with the drag queen because bo gets tossed right into the pool oh yeah you do not mess with the drag queen especially because drag queens are typically six foot seven as that one is
yeah and bo you know you can tell that bo's such a huge pussy because he gets thrown into this pool
and he just sort of like comes out of it and just like yells a little bit more um you're forgetting
a key element as he gets out he tries to pretend that he's tyra banks on a runway and rips off his
wet clothes yes there's that too and then he but you know what like honestly i think if it was any other guy
with any sort of balls uh he would they would have like gone and like thrown a punch at the
drag queen right i mean am i crazy i'm not saying that i would have necessarily done that but if
you're gonna like start a fight and then get thrown into a pool you're gonna like oh if you
throw me into a pool like i'm gonna make sure you bleed yeah i
mean if i'm saying if you start yeah it's like you would think the fight would escape from there
but he was like no no that's it you guys are tough i just make up face facebook accounts and
terrorize people that way or like i'm a i'm a fighter i would like i would like swim away and
like hide in the pool drain until everyone left the party i would just act like i jumped in
yeah speaking of so like that kind of like ruined like the music at the party and i got like the
equipment wet i was i thought it was so hilarious that lisa was like uh i wish that when i grew up
i can be like leah black because she would not put up with this bullshit at one of her parties
what's the deal with lisa coming in and being nice and then being evil about leah it's like
she can't make up her mind.
Like one minute she's saying horrible things and the next minute she's like, I really admire her.
She doesn't know who to align herself with on this cast yet.
I think that and you could see that, especially in last night's episode, because she would, you know, flutter from group to group and scream and then be happy and then scream.
So I think that she is kind of like a no man's land.
Well, Lisa's an idiot because first of all, after that fight happened, she should have
thrown out both those guys immediately
rather than letting them hang around.
But she didn't. She started screaming.
She started having a hissy fit.
It was like, no big deal. She got way up in...
She got way too up in Leah's face.
Leah can't control her drag queen. That's not her job.
And then, but what I liked was that once
the music went out, it sort of began what I like to
call the parade of nipples.
Because then it seemed like every single woman started appearing on screen with one nipple hanging out while simultaneously announcing that they were very classy women.
You know, like Adriana was like, she's like, I wanted to wear something that was sexy but not slutty.
And they cut to her and her boob was hanging out.
And then you have Lisa saying like, this is a party for classy people only.
And her boob is blurred out. Look at this house. Look at this place is a party for classy people only and her boob is blurred out you know
look at this house look at this place this is for classy people yeah that's very classy it's
all like wrapped in gold foil it looks like adrian malouf's dining room exactly with tamra
barney decor i know maybe if they put less money into going into ashley furniture and instead put
it into daisy's boobs we'd have a refined place.
No, I think that they're cheap on all
of it. Her boobs look like
stones. They look like
boulders. It looks like the boulder that Jesus
pushed out of the way to rise from the dead.
It looks like someone took a Baywatch, like, little
pontoon thingy that, like, they run into the ocean with
and stuff it in her chest.
Hashtag Sandy.
Hurricane Sandy. It looks like Hurricane Sandy is going on in her breasts and Hashtag Sandy. Hurricane Sandy.
It looks like Hurricane Sandy is going on in her breast
and just like teeming to get out.
Yeah, so I loved how like everyone had their boobs out.
And then at that point,
everyone was just sort of like yelling at everyone.
They were all smashed into the kitchen
and by smashed into the kitchen,
I mean orchestrated by producers
to be in the kitchen together.
So then they were all in the kitchen
with a guy who had a broom
and Adriana decided this was the time all in the kitchen with a guy who had a broom, and Adriana
decided this was the time to continue
the conversation with Corrent.
Perfect timing. Perfect timing.
I guess Corrent, in Thursday's episode,
it came out that she
spoke to a newspaper about
the other women. I'm going to guess it was
Ocean Drive magazine.
I don't think it was even that classy
of a magazine.
Why is Adriana the only one getting pissed off about this newspaper article
and no one else is mad?
Ana was kind of mad too
but she took it more as like a joke.
Adriana I just think had more alcohol in her
system the other night. And Adriana
has, she already has an axe to grind.
And she's already mad. She already hates current.
As she should. As she should.
As she should.
I agree.
You beat me to the tweet.
Oh, man.
She is hilarious.
She is like Joanna, how she just gets angry and she just keeps going on and repeating herself over and over.
That was hilarious that she just kept saying after she fought with Joanna.
She's like, oh, well, you know, Joe Francis was right.
This girl, you know, all I can say is this girl was mad at me
because of what joe francis said and it's like that had nothing to do with anything but she just
wanted to say over and over as loudly as possible that joanna krupa is a whore well the funny thing
is that the funny thing is that um joanna had nothing to do with this argument initially
and it's that joanna came into the middle she's like, I don't like the energy over here.
I don't like the energy.
And then that's when Adriana started going,
butt off, butt off, butt off.
Well, as she should have.
I mean, look, it was not a smart idea
to corner current and have a confrontation
in the middle of this party that has already gone to shit.
But then when Joanna did butt in
and should have butted
off i mean adriana was in the complete right to say get the fuck out of here i'm having a
conversation you are not part of it because guess what she was not attacking corrent and joanna's
sitting back going like oh but you're bullying her guess what that ship has sailed they are having a
conversation get the fuck out of their conversation i mean well by the way let's talk about the fact that that's a very small kitchen for for what for a big mansion that
was a tiny kitchen they were probably just in like the butler's pantry zone of the kitchen
the daisy's pantry yes um so then so then of course this is when they're they start to fight
that's when romaine lettuce came in and promptly left yeah then promptly left he screamed at
adriana and then got the hell out of there.
And then the moment we'd all been waiting for, Adriana goes storming off and Joanna comes following her, doing her whole thing.
I've been in this business for 12 years and what have you done?
That's when Adriana punched her.
And I'm sorry.
I feel like that was very satisfying.
Well-deserved.
Well-deserved.
I feel like everyone got what was coming to them this episode. Look, I feel so disgusting when I watch these shows, especially when we're sitting back.
And I don't know how other straight women are sitting at home watching this and loving it because, God, this is just bad for humankind and women.
And women fighting is just so tacky and gross.
However, Joanna deserved a big fat lip.
And I'm so glad that Adriana socked her in the mouth.
She did because on normal reality shows, at least the ones like Real World and stuff like that, I think Bad Girls Club has that rule.
If you hit somebody, you're out.
There's none of this like, oh, well, okay, let's see you next time.
I think Andy Cohen made it very damn clear when they were signing these contracts that these women were already at the point of physical violence.
And he was making sure that that was not one of the little asterisks at the bottom of the contract he was
like fighting is all a fair game fair game and watch what happens joanna was saying oh you better
wait for your letter from my lawyer bitch i'm like okay isn't it a little late for that i mean
what was this shot like well okay but can you can we just talk about this fight for a little bit
more because part of me was thinking like yes Adriana
was clearly drunk probably not as drunk
as Joanna but she actually was like
I am done and I am walking away
and I'm leaving the party and she was walking down
the hallway yes she stormed off and yes
it was dramatic but she was trying to remove herself from
the situation Joanna is the one that
chased her down and you know what
it didn't look like she pulled her hair but I think if you
had given it another two seconds she would have snatched Adriana's weave and you know what it didn't look like she pulled her hair but i think if you had given it another two seconds she would have snatched adriana's weave and you know what she
would have i think that it was totally deserved i would have slapped the shit out of that bitch
i think she would have because you know what yeah i don't know if you saw it there was one brief
and during all this melee right right before it she actually shoved marta away pretty violently
well she also said marta be careful you're lose a sister. She loves to threaten people. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that thing.
Yeah.
She talks so much shit to her boyfriend, Romaine Lettuce.
She threatens her sister constantly.
No wonder none of these people want to be in her life.
And then she sits back and she's like, I was left alone, all alone in that kitchen.
It's like because everybody hates you.
Yeah.
And Marta's like, it's so hard.
She's a complicated person.
She's so hard.
Okay.
What was Marta on?
What was Marta on last night? Because that was not just
champagne. She was on a penis, for one thing.
She was on a penis and some
quaaludes.
She made a special cocktail.
You know, if Marta would just get some fucking
marketable skills, she wouldn't have to follow Joanna
around all the time, you know? Learn to type,
bitch. Get out of there, please.
Also, Marta's looking more and more orange
every episode. I'm looking at my jack-o'-lantern
on my shelf here.
My jack-o'-lantern of Ramona Singer, by the way, that I made.
And Ramona, I tweeted at Ramona,
and she tweeted back that she said,
I'm not loving it.
But anyway, it's honestly...
Because it wasn't wearing a
cheap fake diamond necklace from
her line with Marioio or blue would you
please put that up on the facebook page because i have to see that i did put it up you did yeah
it's amazing but here's the thing though i'm looking at this jack-o'-lantern and it's actually
less orange than marta's face these days marta is purely it's just becoming just a shade of orange
she has nothing better to do than sunbathe and put on makeup all day. That's my,
if that could be my job,
I would do it.
She didn't even help poor Lisa pretend,
you know,
to set up this thing.
I like how Lisa acted
like she was doing anything also.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like welcoming
the caterers in
and telling them
where to set up.
That's really hard, bitch.
It's like when Alexis Bellina
would throw a party
and be like,
ugh, I'm so stressed.
I have to go take a nap.
I don't see, I do not see a pumpkin on our Facebook page.
I had to post it as me, so make sure you look at people's posts.
You'll see it as Ben Mandelker, and it's there.
Oh, for Christ's sake, I'll share it.
Do you see it?
Yes, and I think it's brilliant.
Why doesn't she like it?
Because it's probably not like the nicest photo of her, I guess.
I'm very pretty.
I don't know if anyone's heard this, but I'm very pretty.
You know what?
She's very sexy.
And she's a deadly pumpkin.
Deadly in the business room.
I think that's hilarious.
She does look scared.
She looks like a frightened Frankenstein Ramona
it is sort of like a Frankenstein Ramona pumpkin
it could use a little true renewal
I'm not gonna lie
I made one of Taylor Armstrong last year
and that one was even better than this one
that one turned out really well
this one turned out pretty well too though
I'm just looking at it now and laughing
I'm gonna post mine it accidentally looks like Mama Elsa
I think pretty much that that goes for all jack-o'-lanterns.
Speaking of, that was the best scene of the show.
Thank you.
We have to discuss that two-minute interlude that always happens at the 40-minute mark of Mama Elsa stumbling through her house.
I pissed my pants.
Oh, here I am, all alone in the world.
No husband, no friend.
Just me alone, talking to myself.
Oh, boy.
When will I die alone in my body?
Marisol.
Marisol.
Hey, what fun. Hey, you gave mine to put rice on. I wonder how Elsa appreciated all that rice being used to restore the life of Lisa's phone.
I love that Karen thought like, oh, I just stirred the pot and, you know, fucked up this entire party.
But I'm going to put her cell phone in a bag of rice and she's going to love me again.
Well, that's like typical ingratiator.
You cause shit, you cause division amongst people and then you come in and be the helper. I'm going to put her cell phone in a bag of rice and she's going to love me again. Well, that's like typical ingratiator.
You cause shit.
You cause division amongst people and then you come in and be the helper.
Stupid Corrent.
Stupid Corrent. I hate him so much.
I hate him.
I hate Joe Francis so much.
Corrent.
Where do you guys think, though, that the season is going now?
I mean, clearly,
I think that Anna said it right, that
she doesn't think that Joanna and Adriana are ever going to
be able to mend fences on this, and clearly
if they're still fighting about it on Watch What Happens,
it's still an issue. But where do you see
the rest of the season going?
Joanna Krupa. I mean, she's just the worst.
No, we all agree about that. Joanna Krupa. I mean, she's just the worst. No, we all agree about that.
Joanna Krupa
told her on Watch What Happens,
why don't you go take your $2 boat
and get sucked into the Hurricane Irene
and maybe it'll take you back to the slums of Rio.
It's like, oh my god, man.
Says the woman from Poland.
Yeah, exactly.
Glamorous Poland.
Well, according to Leah,
Leah says it's just been nothing but
trauma from here on out.
Yeah, I mean, nothing's
going to be okay. Now they're just...
Can I just tell you, though, like, last night's episode was one of
my favorite in Housewives history.
I'm not going to lie. I loved it.
Yeah, you know, it's funny because I was wondering
why the episode prior, I was like,
gosh, why are they starting this crazy party so late in this episode?
And it's because it wasn't that they were starting it so late.
It's just that there was no room left in last night's episode.
I'm sure we'll get an extended director's cut at the end of the season.
And thank God these ladies are finally going to probably get like the best reunion ever.
I know.
Oh, and by the way, this has nothing to do with the
reunions but uh can we also talk about romaine lettuce when they interviewed him how he had a
giant portrait of himself right behind i didn't see that oh it's awesome it's just like and it's
like it's like this i mean he's already pretty hunky it makes him look even hunkier but it's
just it's so miami and so it's just it's almost
like a parody reminds me like an 80s movie when they have like a really tacky rich person who has
like a ridiculous portrait of themselves sort of like all the housewives i guess but it was
every time anybody says florida or miami i just find myself smirking and shaking my head like oh
no it's just anything just bad taste i'm just i'm just shaking my head i guess it just was funny
because um you know usually we see the women have these ridiculous portraits of themselves but you
don't normally see the men have one you know and i just watched soap soap dish again last week for
like the umpteenth time and there's this you know sally fields apartment is a big portrait of her
in it you know oh yeah like in beaches of us and put them on our Watch What Crappin's Facebook page.
We have some artists.
We have some artist listeners.
We do have artists.
That's what I'm getting at.
We would like a portrait of the three of us that we could slap up as our cover photo.
Somebody get on that.
Yeah, and make sure that if you're going to include bodies, I would like mine to be muscular.
Thank you.
Yeah, me too.
And I don't want five chins.
Maybe give me one.
Yeah, just make us all muscular. Unless it wants to be like. Thank you. Yeah, me too. And I don't want five chins. Maybe give me one. Yeah, just make us all muscular. Unless
it wants to be hipster thin. And give me a giant
wiener. I want to be emaciated with cool
glasses. Okay, so
Matt will be Silver Lake and
Ronnie and I will be WeHo. Yeah,
but with a giant wiener. I don't want
some steroid wiener. I want
a huge one. Yeah, but make
us all so dressed cool. Don't put us in some stupid
leather chaps or something. And rich.
Make us look rich. And make us have money
coming out of our pockets. I'd like to be dressed
in cool
H&M or something, which I know isn't rich.
That's not cool. It's very cool.
It's so cool. That's so
Bevson.
That's so Shazza Sunset.
No, Shazza Sunset
would, don't you remember?
Asa Butter H&M and
the Fury of Tehran.
They only shop at Zara.
Oh, that's true, yeah.
And Baven Diamond Water. Anyway, let's talk quickly.
In the coming weeks,
we have the premieres
of The Real Housewives of Atlanta on the 4th.
We have the premiere of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on the 5th.
I want to say we have Top Chef on the 7th out of Seattle.
And then we have the Silicon Valley show.
And then we have that LOL bullshit.
What are we watching?
What are we covering on this show?
I think...
All of the above.
No.
No.
Because we have two housewives.
Lol no.
Can we just get rid of lol?
I just don't want to deal with it.
Yeah, let's do it like house hunters.
On house hunters, you have to pick the most hideous house first and just get rid of that in negotiation.
That one gets the X.
Let's say, yeah, that gets the X.
It's very far away.
It's too small, and it smells like cat pee.
So, X.
So, we'll give Silicon a trial run and debate it after episode one, correct?
I will be watching that one for sure.
I think it looks good.
Here's the thing.
I'll let you guys watch that one first.
And we'll let you know.
Because here's the thing.
Like, Ben, I just don't think it's going to be anything.
I mean, it can't be anything nearly as good as Gallery Girls.
So like.
Obviously.
Gaga.
Gaga.
Gaga.
I think it looks really good.
It's young people trying to get rich and fucking
yeah but they're not but they're not like brooklyn hipsters or upper east side bitches so
that's like all the appeal is i know but that's why it's good who is young and hot and lives in
northern california hello there's more billionaires over there than anywhere you guys i mean yeah but
they're like sensible they're like sensible and smart.
They all drive Priuses.
They're not like self-involved idiots like you find in Manhattan
and Brooklyn. Whatever.
Whatever. I'll tell you,
The $1 Decorators is coming back also, so I have to watch that.
Can I get a Martin Lawrence B
in the house?
I'm on Robin's blog.
I don't know that we need to go.
I'm going to dress up as a candy corn
for Halloween.
Finally, I can just take off my shirt and go with my
manks
and look like a corset
I can't wait to have some smarties
and some Mike Nikes
Mike Nikes are the gentlemen
who live downstairs
yeah I'm going to watch that kind of
I crapped out in that and like the half of the season it
was just nothing really happens it's like they don't really design homes that's enough and they
don't really have enough of a storyline either what is wrong with you that's not what it's about
all we care about is another trip to palm springs where katherine ireland gets drunk by the pool and
passes out while martin law Lawrence Ballard does nothing.
That's a great episode.
Martin Lawrence Ballard eating chocolates that he bought from Fresh and Easy.
Yeah, that's all we want.
That's all we want.
And Mary McDonald consoling another divorcee
who can't afford a renovation unless she gets
a lot of alimony. Done.
60 minutes of joy and heaven
in my life.
I feel like we got a lot
between the two housewives
and Top Chef and by the way Miami will still
be going on
please
and Silicon Valley
we're gonna have three
unless we do two episodes a week but I don't know that's too much
for me
three housewives and
Top Chef and Silicon
oh my god get a second TVR Anyway, are we good? Three Housewives and Top Chef and Silicon. Oh, my God.
F you, Bravo.
Get a second TVR.
Get a hopper, a dish hopper.
Those fucking spammers are all over TVGasm putting their,
oh, my dish hopper records 18 shows at one time.
Thank God for that.
I know.
Fuck you, TVGasm.
Don't forget to follow Ronnie at TVGasm, Ben at B-Side Blog,
and me, Matt, at Life on the M-List. And don't forget to follow Ronnie at TVgasm, Ben at B-Side Blog, and me, Matt, at Life
on the M-List. And don't forget to leave us an awesome
comment on iTunes and follow
all of our happenings on the
Watch What Crappens Facebook page,
backslash Watch What Crappens.
And now the podcast
is over. I got a meeting in 60
seconds, people. We gotta wrap this up.
This is where the podcast ends.
Okay, then. We are done. Y'all go get
your books on audible.com
slash funny, and
it'll be free. I might suggest
that Andy Cohen biography,
whatever it is, because I
will not be reading it, and I really love
to hear what's in it. I read it on Audible, and I'm the only one.
You did? You listened to it?
I listened to it on Audible, and you guys
didn't even pay attention. Oh, I got a self-help book. I'll listen to it? I listened to it on Audible, and you guys didn't even pay attention.
Oh, I got a self-help book.
Well, it's on there. I'll listen to it.
I got The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and I'm still very ineffective.
So don't waste your free book on that bullshit, everybody, okay?
Get Andy's book.
Okay.
Okay, bye, everybody. See you next time.
Bye, y'all.
Bye. Bye, y'all. Ooh, what they say There will come a day
When youth will pass away
What will they say about me
When the end comes, I know
There's no justice to the loss
Life goes on without me
I'm just a gigolo
If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.
The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It.
It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger.
Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years.
One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.
Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me,
takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more.
You don't have to wait any longer.
Just go to youtube.com slash waitforitcomedy.
There's no need to wait for it anymore.
Because it's here.
And it's funny.
And I love you
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