Watch What Crappens - #495 SouthernCharm: Charleston Chew Out

Episode Date: July 12, 2017

It's reunion time for Southern Charm, and our favorite brood of Charleston ne'er-do-wells is back to air out all their dirty laundry. We're recapping it all - from Kathryn's fiery rose dress... to Craig's formative gender studies education. Come join us, and don't forget to buy tickets to our live show on 9/2: watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujube. And I return to guide sexy singles through some ranchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch Your Crappens is brought to you by our Patreon premium sponsors, Kristy Dauerty, Mia Hansen-A-Loha, Cindy Gerson, Kelly Barlow, and Jess Sayon. Thank you! Watch what crap in who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in
Starting point is 00:00:46 What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? Watch what crap in who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in What happens? What happens? to talk to other crap and listeners about the shows as they air come over to
Starting point is 00:01:14 Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends and to follow us on social media go to watchocrapans.com to find all our social media links and for our bonus episodes and all of our extras, come over and be a premium member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap ends. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mantelker from besidelog.com and Banta Blender and joining me on this ever so magnificent prime Amazon prime day Is Ronnie Caram from trash talk TV.com and the Rose Creek Spatial podcast. What's going on? Prime day don't go
Starting point is 00:01:54 Prime day, I'm obsessed with Amazon prime day I spent so much money and now I just figured out this new part and it says odd gifts like things that are odd. I'm like, I don't need gifts or odd things, but now there's this keyboard. And I guess, oh my God, there's this keyboard and it looks like an old tie brighter keyboard. And I don't want that. It's going to be so uncomfortable to type on. Hold on, where's Ben? I'm going to text you this. I'm here. I want to, right before the show started, Ronnie and I were already going down a K-hole
Starting point is 00:02:27 and I have now purchased a French press. It was a very urgent situation where there were two French presses. One had 1600 five star reviews, one had 422, mostly five star reviews, but it looked better and then I was like, well, I kind of want the one that looks better because it looks like a better French press. But then the other one got
Starting point is 00:02:47 weight listed. And that made me now really want the one that got weight listed just because I was told I couldn't have it. Yeah, that's how they make you do it. And then you're like fighting over shit that's four star. And like it's not even really good stars, you know? No. And it's like probably some crap from China. And then, you know, it makes it, it makes you start wanting it. Like, I got a Kindle when I was in Austin because I can't sleep. And my sister said, just get a Kindle
Starting point is 00:03:10 and that'll help your eyes. Because I read, you know, I paddle that. So I was like, okay, so I got one. She said, why, I didn't mean to get it here. You should have waited for Amazon Prime. Go return it. So I would to return it. And then I was sitting here waiting.
Starting point is 00:03:23 And then I started looking at Kindles because I'm waiting for a Kindle. So I'm like, what kinds are there? And why is this one $300? And that one's $40. Like what's the difference? And they're all the same. They're just different, you know, weights.
Starting point is 00:03:35 They're basically all the same. Yeah. So of course, I'm like, oh, it's Amazon Prime Day. Maybe I'll find one 75% off. And then I can get the really bomb one. And then of course, they don't have that. So they don't have a deep discount. But then I don and then I can get the really bomb one and then of course They don't have that so they don't have a deep discount But then I don't want to just get the $40 one after I've been waiting all this time right So now I'm mad at the Kindle that I bought and it didn't do anything. It's just a Kindle this day makes you crazy
Starting point is 00:03:57 Okay, it does like you just sent me a link and there's a fish tank here And I thought for a passing second. I thought that's a cool fish tank Maybe I should get a fish like that's where my mind went very quickly with this with this day Yeah, like we literally don't need fish. They have vases here that are shaped like salmon Oh my god Also did you see that keyboard? I sent you it's this like typewriter keyboard. It's a thousand dollars It is I'm just adding here with your odd gift, your interesting finds. I did see it.
Starting point is 00:04:27 I see a tea kettle and I see a fan. I'm seeing weird, weird stuff. There is, by the way, do you have an Instapot? I forget if you have one or not. I'm not. I don't know if that is. Well, why don't you get one? I mean, that's like what Prime Day is for is to get the pressure cooker.
Starting point is 00:04:39 I just used mine earlier this morning to cook some frozen chicken. And it was not assaulted. No, I have room for anything in my house. Like it has to be super important. I won't even buy a curade, okay? Ronnie, I feel and I would like our crap and audience to wait in on this. But the Instapot has now become a kitchen necessity for many people, because it's a slow cooker and a pressure cooker and a yogurt maker and a rice cooker.
Starting point is 00:05:09 Yours is amazing. No, you can get it on prime day, $90 down. And you made it. I've already spent so many hundreds of dollars. I think you need to buy it. I'm going to be totally broke. We're going to New York next week and I'm buying shit. I don't need.
Starting point is 00:05:22 I just bought a remote control caddy. Okay. It's getting bad over here. What about a, what would you like a coffee mug that says, the boss? Oh my god, no. Don't. How about an iPhone cover that says, stay wild. Oh Jesus, iPhones. Yeah, Amazon Prime Day is, it's lacking a little bit, I would have to say, but I did get
Starting point is 00:05:47 my first dress thing, but it wasn't even an Amazon Prime deal. See, that's the thing. I feel like I'm not even participating because I got a regular deal. I know. And then they had this TV. They're like, oh, it's the Amazon Fire TV and it's only $400. It's normally $800. And it's 4K.
Starting point is 00:06:02 And I was like, oh my gosh, that sounds fun. I love TVs. So I went and looked at it. And it's $800 and it's 4K and I was like, oh my gosh, that sounds fun. I love TVs So I went and looked at it and it's like deal is over. How can this deal be over? I got I set my alarm for 555 pm yesterday so I could be there right at the start of prime. How is it over because you're you are competing with all of mankind Well, I'm not gonna compete. Okay. No, you shouldn't not for a TV. I'm paying you TV not gonna compete okay no you shouldn't not for a TV I'm paying you TV yes entertain me entertain speaking of TV yeah we have TV to discuss and as always we must of course hawk hour hour LA show you guys will be sick of hearing about it but this is gonna be tickets the last you'll have to hear
Starting point is 00:06:40 about it so the thing is this we've actually already sold out about a third of the theater and we're still two months out. So that's, they're actually going very quickly. So be sure to get your tickets now before they're gone because we're running out. Go to ticketmaster.com, do a search for watcher crappings, or just go to watchercrapins.com. And there's a link right there directly
Starting point is 00:07:01 to the ticket link. So go do that September 2nd downtown Los Angeles Targaryen ballroom. It's gonna be soups soups fun and I mean what else is gonna be a lot more thing. That's what that's what pregnant people call it a lot more thing. Okay. Yeah. I'm planning to wear a full gown that looks like a bunch of points that is. I'm planning on wearing a Patricia doggy caftan. Should we just like perform? Like I will wear a Patricia cat aftan and you wear a caftan with a beular on it and we'll just address the crowd like that.
Starting point is 00:07:41 Yeah I'll wear a beular caftan and you wear a caftan with my face on it since I'm your little bit. But I like cats. I'll do what we care you're getting a Ronnie, okay? I want to give me cats or dogs. I'll be a Ronnie cat for you. I'll be your Garfields. Will you actually be a cat like a cat's cat? No, I'm going to be a human's cat. I hate cats cats. They're mean to people. They'll eat off your face when you die. Okay, we need to get the cats on the musical cats. Not cats cats.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I'm talking about cats. Yeah, I'll be the bitch on the tire. Yeah, I'll be the old grizzabella bitch. She only comes down on a big fat tire to sing one song and then dies. Well, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to install a mechanical tire that will lift Ronnie up into the Raptors of the theatre. So everyone get your tickets now.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Mamry, hall of lawn and that one. Okay, just left it at. I don't even want to finish this song. Ronnie Buckley. So, um, but if you are charmed by our banter here today, that's because we're about to talk some Southern charm. Southern charm reunion, part one. Yeah, I think because we had a day off yesterday and we talked so much yesterday, I'm still loopy from talking yesterday.
Starting point is 00:08:56 I know. And now I'm watching the cartoonish guy on Amazon Prime just dance around. Like that's all I'm doing right now looking at my ass. Okay, so let's be serious and be really serious about Southern Sharm. Let's be serious. So, the reunion opened up with the classic reunion.
Starting point is 00:09:15 I'm on my, I'm on some other notes. I'm like, about to talk about like Mickey Gumbels and Spilling Salsa. It opens with Vicky Gumbels and Spilling Salsa on Craig. No. So it opens with the usual pre-RUNION stuff. And guess what? They worked in another mention for PRIV, the makeup company that seems to pop up on all these Bravo shows.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Oh, I thought you were going to talk about the little sister from Hunger Games, Pram or whatever. Okay, can I ask some basic questions before we get into this? Why are the bright, why are the lights so bright in this reunion? Like, yeah. It's like lit like they're about to perform Oklahoma. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:09:53 So bright. Andy was stoned out of his gourd. His eyes are just huffy and stoned, which hey, I got no problem with. But you're about to grill a woman about her sobriety for an hour. So I don't know, make an effort. I think I'd have to be stoned to deal with this cast also.
Starting point is 00:10:10 Why do the guys look so hideous? Shepp looks dried out. She just looks dirty and drunk. I actually thought she'd look great. He won't even comb his hair. His hair is combed with looogies. It's like his mom sped a loie into her hand and did his hair. It's been a works for him.
Starting point is 00:10:27 I think she looks really good. Shepplick's exhausted and drunk. Craig looks like his face is all dried out and he's wearing tons of base. Austin is just a mess. He spray-tanned. His mouth is just gaping open and twitching already and he just keeps looking the side of his mouth. Okay, so those are my, oh, and Catherine's hair color. I think everybody was planning
Starting point is 00:10:48 on different lighting is what I'm trying to say. Everyone was expecting, you know, maybe maybe like a Vennimrum Rules lighting scheme, but instead they got like the Home Depot, Home Depot IL-9 lighting. Yeah, that's actually true. You know, when you pick out something at Home Depot and you get at home and it's not the same color because Home Depot fucked with the lighting. Like, Catherine's like, I did not get my hair dyed in a Home Depot, okay?
Starting point is 00:11:15 I got it done in a Lowe's. Now, can you please respect my choices? Can't you tell? There's like a spirit of Gene Hackman about my a quaff. He does the voiceovers Or he least he used to whatever happened to Jean Hackman. I hear he was a terrible man. I Don't know But you know, Jean Hackman hit 60 at 30 and just stayed there forever, which I always loved about he really did
Starting point is 00:11:39 He really I really knew how to work his jowls So at the beginning there Andy's like, hey, it felt good home. How are you doing, Chef? You all right? And Chef's like, car, snow, I'm not all right. I feel amasculated. Is this before or after, is this still in the pre-stuffer when Andy is out on stage?
Starting point is 00:12:03 Because I did enjoy in the backstage stuff when T-Rav says very menacingly I have a lot to say but I'm gonna save it for the stage Okay, paparazzi Trabiata am I right? It's like oh la la la la la I'm a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more
Starting point is 00:12:32 like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more We're gonna do some Paul getting bass after this so Can't remember it's like don't call me porky. Oh, so hi Craig. Okay, so then the hello It's like hi Craig guess what you're a lawyer and pass the bar and chefs
Starting point is 00:12:57 He goes how's everyone else reacting and chefs like cars? I wish we had a buffet with some crow on it We should use some crow right now, Andy. I love how southern they are. And he's like, hi, Catherine. I love that you got the same color that Fantasia got when she made a guest appearance on American Idol and scared the hell out of Simon Cowell. You do it if you want to say something.
Starting point is 00:13:20 What you want to say to what you want to say? Do it if you want to say something. That's all. Well, that's all you do. That's crazy. I you're about talking about right? Yeah, that was she did that We mentioned like once every two years and I think that our listener Juts She usually will send us the video link because she's like you guys this is the song and it always does not sound anything like we will be But I'll remember it is like like toad from Mario Kart is like so that's basically what Catherine was yes I agree that was some good shit Catherine's like
Starting point is 00:13:54 um it's a new me arena sauce oh what are you gonna say, I was gonna try to make some pity joke about the Renaissance hotel being like a Good You had a good Renaissance joke coming. I was it was it was not a fully formed Renaissance joke. It was perhaps it was more baroque. I don't know We're out of the ice age and happy So We're out of the ice age, and we. So, um, just because you like teenage minigurals does not mean you're a Renaissance woman. Speaking of art, you know, Catherine last year showed up in her saloon hoard, like Powerpuff Girls dress.
Starting point is 00:14:35 She was wearing like a golden, blue, like her Bordeaux skirt. And this year she was doing like the Bordeaux horror, but it's like played by Minas Uvari from American magazine in the bathtub, but also Saloon Horror. It was weird. I liked that she sticks with her like Saloon Horror. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was kind of like for everyone who wondered what exactly
Starting point is 00:14:57 happened to Minas Uvari on that bed of roses. What did she look like 10 minutes later? That's what Catherine was. Yeah, basically. She drowned in some polyester. Flowers and nobody ever heard her again. But it was kind of amazing. We should also mention it was kind of amazing.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Sometimes I look at a paper back in the air and I think, wow. America's beautiful. I think from American beauty, the paper back in the air. Look, wow. The paper back. The wind blows and the wind. It's like, okay, this will be steep.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Yeah. So then landing, he's like, hi, landing, have nothing to say to you. Your hair is dry. Okay, Cameron, you're going to have a baby girl. You're going to name her Cameron. She's like, wow, I like that name. But Whitney's richer, so we'll go with that. Yeah. Yeah. Cameron tells the story about how she got pregnant really quickly. And she
Starting point is 00:15:52 wasn't expecting to get pregnant with Lisa Jason thought that she cheated on him. She's and I was like, okay. Well, that's what the internet says too. Oh, really? Yeah. But not for real, you know, I just read lots of comments. So I can go out of the, if she what the internet says, too. Oh, really? Yeah, but not for real. I just read lots of comments. So I think she's going to go out of the way. If she is, I don't know, I think that she, the reason why I think that she is loyal to him is that if she puts up with his ridiculous insistence that he does not come on camera, then she must really love him.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Well, I think the other way, which is that because he doesn't come on camera, she's like, fuck this guy. I'm going to fuck someone else. Yeah, I think I could go the other way, which is that because he doesn't come on camera, she's like, fuck this guy. I mean, I'm gonna fuck someone else. Yeah, I'll bang sheep instead. But I think that she's the type of girl and as much as I love her, I mean, she probably doesn't fuck her husband. Like I doubt she's the cheating type, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I also doubt that she's the cheating type who does it like unprotected or without the day after pill or whatever, you know? Yeah, like one by the cow when you don't drink milk at all, even when it's free.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Or maybe she just wants to prove her good moral character to Thomas Ravinnell by seeing the baby through. Her moral character. She's the cow. Now that's one thing I'm always looking for, moral character, moral turpitude. Now that's one thing I'm always looking for. Moral character. Moral turpitude. That's all I ask.
Starting point is 00:17:08 That Juneau, that she was a great, good, great person having that baby. You know, it's a fun show that shows women who are good standing quality and more fabric are My teammates are the prairie that show on MTV with the girls to get pregnant have babies in high school They have those babies. They're good. Those are good women. I Suppose I am pregnant them too lame me for everything So the new you know and he's you know stoned and also obviously doesn't care about this cast because he's so caddy with them and I love it.
Starting point is 00:17:49 He's like, high new ship. And it's Austin with his dangling mouth open like a fly comes out of Austin's mouth. And he's like, it's been interesting, interesting, Andy. And then they show a shot of his Zitty ass coming out of the shower. Andy's like, yeah, totally jerked off to it. So Andy's Andy gets to his clever questioning. He's like, back in the day in Charleston, church steeples guided ships into Harbor. Now these men are led by their steeples. It's like, oh no, if this is how we're starting, Craig is already looking at his
Starting point is 00:18:25 finger trying to be like, here's the church, here's the finger, people, all of people on my hands, dying the boats in, open it up and wow, it's like home at class. When I learn to make a steeple, learn to make this is like gender studies class. Oh my God. I learned that she's just more important than blow jobs. When I was in eighth grade, I took a class on woodwork class. We learned how to make churches and steeples. You all you do is just put your hands together, your fingers, you just close them up,
Starting point is 00:18:55 you put your fingers up like that. It's like there's a church and steeple. It's amazing. So yeah. So he's like, yeah, guided by penises. And then it's some question about ship giving Craig credit for never getting asked or anything like he has no game. Yeah, I sort of zoned out during that question. I don't know why. I just was like, it seemed like just the normal stuff. It's like, gosh, Craig's always saying these are my
Starting point is 00:19:21 cars, cars. Yeah, he's like, you know, everyone calls me a mess, but look at Craig. Yeah, it's a sewing table in front of a couch. Garz, how come no one's on him? Guys, I'm living out loud. It's going to be hard to stay on track in this because there's all the good stuff happens at the end. Yeah. So yeah, let's just get through some of this crap. I think Andy was basically shopping on Amazon PrimeTay in his head during this too because he was barely paying attention. He's like, so everybody's a slut. Oh Cameron, remember that time you cried? No one's ever seen
Starting point is 00:19:55 you cry before. That was hilarious. And it's like, so Craig, have you always been a hobbyist? And to your have is like, you know Cameron said it would not induce her into having sex to see her husband sowing. What are you trying to say T-Rap? Way to hold both genders down at the same time. One-handed, that's pretty good Thomas. Inducerate to having sex. That's why I use a pill.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Yeah, exactly. That's why I use a pill. Yeah, exactly. That's why I use the old Bill Crosby get it. It's like that's not funny, Thomas. Like, that guy's still got it. Good for pops, that's what I call him. That's what. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, great song. Kids say the darnedest things.
Starting point is 00:20:44 So, I saw a sewing machine. I liked when Andy was talking to Cameron about her pregnancy and she's like, well, people are saying that I shouldn't be just having a baby for my kid, but that's not what I'm doing. What I'm doing is basically,
Starting point is 00:21:00 I'm having a baby because my husband wants me to, you know? And Craig's like, you just didn't want to get fat And she says I just don't feel attached to it right now. It's just this thing on my stomach Give me stretch marks and I'm like whatever maybe I'll feel more attached to when the kid comes up and Catherine goes I was like that I didn't really even like Kinsey until I saw how well the Koch mirror balanced on her soft spot until I saw how well the Koch mirror balanced on her soft spot. Tommy. Listen, this is a hallowed day for Catherine. Okay, it's Amazon Prime Day.
Starting point is 00:21:32 It's her favorite day of the year. So we ought to be nice to her. Yeah, on her special special day. Yeah, she doesn't have anybody driving her to Michaels for her point set as her roses or whatever the hell zone on her dress. I guarantee she got that TV that you couldn't get. Probably.
Starting point is 00:21:48 So I did it. I did it. Just when they thought, just when that went over there, I don't wanna say her name. But just when she thought I couldn't get it TV, I did it. So then there's talk about Craig lying, I guess about being a lawyer, etc., and all that stuff. And about like, you know, a chef coming down on Craig and Craig saying that chef really
Starting point is 00:22:18 braids him a lot, etc. And I like that at one point, you know, chef, you know, obviously saying, oh, what a tangled web we weave is like a very classic quote, but I love that at one point, you know, chef, you know, obviously saying, oh, what a tangled web we weave is like very classic quote, but I love that. Chef just goes full on literary as usually. He's like, gosh, oh, what a tangled web we weave. When first we practice to deceive, gosh, Marmin. That right. Yeah, whenever he talks to Craig, he's like, I'm just going to whip out shit that he, you know, hasn't even been able to read on the pillow with the cracker barrel, you know, he just wants to confuse Craig so badly.
Starting point is 00:22:54 And he's like, look, friendship isn't being burdened by someone else's problem. Okay, that's called empathizing. Okay. A rising tide lives all boats. I really believe that. It also like drowns people. Yeah. Yeah. It also ruins homes. You know, kill cities. Yeah, kill spurs. Brings dolphins into gardens. They don't want landed in your own. Drain's landed into your reunion cow. No. That was, that was from last night. That is definitely a land they're asking for. A fish.
Starting point is 00:23:35 It's like, finally, I've totally gotten control of my life that everyone makes money me for It is somewhere between a dolphin and a jolabi trying to start Whoa Oh, she sounds like she's got a belt loose She does She sounds like she's got a belt loose. He does. So chef, uh, yeah, so chef is going on with his literary stuff. And then Andy's like, well, I love books. So chef, are you a douchebag? And he's like, look, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Okay. You know, don't tell me not to live just sitting butter. Life's candy and the sun's a bowl of butter. Don't tell me I'm allowed to not write on so much parade. OK, that's literature. It's funny girl by Shakespeare. OK. Gars.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Shakespeare. That's from the great literary work. Funny Gars. Funny Gars. The Gars is always greener. Garsh. It shows giving me a connection, Fizz. Yeah, you're like, right at Ronnie Goat. I pressed mute.
Starting point is 00:24:57 I finally found the mute button for when I start coughing so hard when I'm laughing. You guys, I'm dying. That's basically what's happening. We probably, this now would be a good time to mention that a few weeks ago we were mentioning guys and dolls and I'm just a girl who can't say no and that's from Oklahoma. Yeah. I never said that was from guys and dolls.
Starting point is 00:25:15 I did and you didn't correct me. Oh, I probably was listening. Why does it have a front-end play? Hey, look, rising tides and all that. You should have rained on my parade. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play.
Starting point is 00:25:28 I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play.
Starting point is 00:25:36 I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play.
Starting point is 00:25:44 I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. I'm not making any play. Sophomore your musical ads Who told you you're allowed to reign on my resist march Thomas is like ship is a straight shooter His co-clans are mathematic. I've never seen lines like that drone on Amira. It's a co-case everybody just stop talking about literature It was the best of times's. It was the worst of Tom's. Also anybody got the time. I need to take a leak. So Tom is, let's see here. So the next question is Thomas and Craig, I saw you guys going back and forth on social.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Do you love the Andy is just now completely banned the word Twitter? Yeah, that is funny. I didn't notice that. It became another housewife. It was like, okay, now what does Twitter have to say, you know? Right. Um, so he's like, oh, yeah, I said Craig was like a long and winding road with nothing but tumbleweed blowing around between his ear. Oh, that was a good one. Still got it. Tricks like, um, I have easy pass, I'd probably be on the highway. So, you know, not all of us took home back in eighth grade, but that doesn't mean we can't be a great chef just like Craig. Thanks to Hello Fresh, we've all taken home at now, because this awesome thing is a box of ingredients
Starting point is 00:27:10 that comes your doorstep with a recipe, and guess what, in about 30 minutes, you've got yourself a meal. That means there's more time for you to sew gizmo onto your pillow sheets. Gorsh, what a cool idea! I swear to God, I have used HelloFresh when I have been drunk at 1am, drunker than Chef perhaps.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Uh, and by 1.30am, I had food on the table, and I know I should be eating after midnight, but that's my challenge. Okay, the point is this, you can still do this when you are drunk, and it still only takes about 30 minutes at most. So, let us tell you a little bit about Hello Fresh. Garsh! Each week Hello Fresh creates new recipes with step-by-step instructions designed to take around 30 minutes for everyone from novices to season home cooks short on time, Garsh.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Well Hello Fresh implies two full-time registered dietitians on staff who review each recipe to ensure it is nutritionally balanced. That's almost more than the nannies I have in the back house. Um, hello fresh is no offering light summer meals and has just introduced breakfast options. And it's less than $10 a meal. So everyone, don't wait. Why bother walking around a grocery store? Who wants to do that and be around humanity? Am I right? Go get yourself a Hello Fresh box, okay?
Starting point is 00:28:32 All you do is go to HelloFresh.com and enter the promo code Crapins30 and you get $30 off your first week of Hello Fresh. That's right for $30 off your first week of Hello Fresh. Go to HelloFresh.com and enter the promo code Krapins 30. The promo code again is Krapins 30 Krapins 30 Krapins 30 Krapins 30 for HelloFresh.com. Go do it. I'm kidding. So does then then Craig the mediator, you know, being terrible at mediating. But then there's like, well, then there's talk about like, now, like,
Starting point is 00:29:08 they talk about Naomi, um, and how she sometimes, I don't know if she had come out at this point or not, but, um, I think that she had. And, and how like, everyone, like, as much as Craig's like, as much as everyone makes fun of me, like, there's a lot of good stuff. And they don't, they always like, they always like that and they accept it, but Naomi doesn't sometimes, and then she's like, gosh, Craig, she's with you.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Isn't that a referendum on how you're a good person? He's like, um, Hey, look, if I can't referendum your problems and you can't refer into mine problems, okay, shut. He actually said that's why I was so confusing. Hey, look, just because Naomi doesn't like that you so doesn't mean you get an automatic runoff vote. Yeah. So, Shep is saying that he thinks it's good that night. Naomi calls Craig on a shit because that's what he's like gosh That's what I want I want somebody's gonna call me out of my shit gosh gosh
Starting point is 00:30:14 I don't know that's what everybody's doing and you hate it. Yeah, you say every time someone calls ship out He's like, I don't know what I'm doing in my life. Gosharsh, I'm sorry. Like, what should I be doing? Walking down the quickie mark. Garsh, I don't know. It's like somebody who hold me too close, somebody hurt me to deep. Somebody sit in my chair, rule my sleep, and make me aware of being alive, being alive. Okay. It's like, okay, that's still just on time. So please stop, please stop with musical theater lyric literature.
Starting point is 00:30:46 Okay. Garsh life is to be lived, not controlled, and humanity is won by continuing to play in the face of certain defeat. Garsh, Ralph Allison, Garsh, Garsh. He's like prologue, Garsh. Okay. Now you're reaching. It's like acknowledgements. Terror made me cruel Emily Pronte okay Craig chap I mean what's gonna say wow Craig really did get a school so the next clip is like I decided to study women's literature Naomi's like you're stupid so Naomi comes out and Andy does his you know normal soft normal softball. Well, he's trying
Starting point is 00:31:26 to make it a nice softball to start out. He's like, so, you know, your relationship's just adorable. Who asked you out? And she's like, um, Craig asked me out every holiday for three years. And he'd be like, Hey, and he called me rock star. So he'd be like, Hey, happy birthday rock star. Hey, happy Easter rock star. And I was like, gross, that drink is disgusting. Then we met at this friend's mutual dinner, or this mutual friend's dinner, and I was wearing a ponytail.
Starting point is 00:31:52 And so he called me ponytail. And I hated him. I thought it was so disrespectful. Yeah. Like wow. So things are working out. Yeah, it sounds like a great foundation. You guys are killing it. Yeah, it sounds like a great foundation. You guys are killing it.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Yeah, but then things turned around because Naomi apparently Craig used to say happy Easter every year and that really won her over. Simple things. Yeah, it's just like constantly finding eggs with Craig, you know, they're either filled with jelly bellies, which are delicious and gourmet, or just dog shit. You never know what you're gonna get, but you know, it's a good holiday. He's like, wow, thanks.
Starting point is 00:32:32 So he's like, what about choosing cheese over Oro? And she's like, he literally eats cheese all the time. Like, we don't even need a heater in the winter. It's just like one big tent fart. Yeah. She's like, you go into a closet eating cheese nonstop and Andy's like, hey, cuz Craig's like, yeah, I just like, I just really love cheese. Like it doesn't love cheese and Andy's like, well,
Starting point is 00:32:52 every guy likes getting his duck, dick sucked. What's wrong with your relationship? I was like, well, come down there, Andy. I will defend Craig on the cheese front. I thought that was kind of like an obnoxious response from Andy. Yeah, that's a little blue-hairn-dee It's like really ashamed and then Craig said Well, I took women's gender studies and our professor asked us that question. It was actually the most fascinating course
Starting point is 00:33:17 I ever took also the only course I ever took I just love that question It's such an interesting question. But I like that he took women's gender studies, not just gender studies or women studies, women's gender studies. I feel like he had an oral exam and was offered cheese beforehand and he thought it was an opportunity to choose between oral sex and cheese. Or maybe he was offered an oral B toothbrush at the dentist and he's like, why would I want a fuck at teeth rush? Give me the jeans. Now tell me about your gender struggle. Like, oh, you're at the dentist's office. Wow, it's fascinating. What a fascinating class. They put you in a chair and put you all the way back.
Starting point is 00:34:00 So then they talk about their relationship and I rolled my eyes and look to see if there were any you know like Wouldn't bamboo trays to keep my bills in on Amazon Prime Well because basically the issue is about you know Naomi You know the craigsold things that Naomi feels he feels that Naomi has been disloyal to him and and trying to always take him down a peg and And chef is like gosh well, you know she became friends with us and she wasn't trying to take you down. She was just fending how she felt and you took it that way and you, I don't think you want loyalty. You want secrecy.
Starting point is 00:34:34 And that's just really blue Greg's brain right there. He's like, um, can I have a bell hop costume? Chef, you're literally buying a new apartment. So Cameron won't have a key to it. Okay. We're talking about secrecy. She's not, she's not be drinking. She's just talking about, she's just talking mad shit about you.
Starting point is 00:34:52 To all your friends on national TV, Gors. Gors, I like the fast Gors. That's the mix in there. Yeah. So then of course, then it switches over to Catherine, because I think Catherine was like nodding or something. And Catherine's like, um, yeah, if if I had done if I had done it differently I would have kept everything private arm arm and so Andy's like well, what would you what would you be trying to keep private?
Starting point is 00:35:16 And she's like arm well, you know There's just like a lot of people in Thomas's ear who are saying things that I was like too young and you know partying her and stuff like that and he's like who who who it's like her I have to say their name and then she's kind of pointing at lantern and lanterns doing that like angry dolphin where she's like dolphin squint your like is that dolphin smiling or is there face just always like that you know like you don't know and she captain's like, I don't want to say her name. It's not Voldemort. Okay. You'll be okay. You can say her name.
Starting point is 00:35:53 And she's like, there were voices that sounded like I don't want to say her name. And he's here saying that I was manipulative and that I was doing X, Y, Z. Really, all I was doing was X, h, and c, you know, in a little blow. Is that in the alphabet? X, t, and c. Yeah, so then Andy's like, land in, were you one of those voices and she's like,
Starting point is 00:36:20 I just don't wanna be involved. He he he. And then, you know, obviously they's like, I just don't want to be involved. And then, you know, obviously, but you were one of the voices. Katherine's like, you were saying these things. And she's like, fun. Give me an example. So then Katherine's like, um, in the pariwinkle nursery that you made pariwinkle, you said that I needed a shot treatment.
Starting point is 00:36:41 And then it's like That's fair She's like I do say that Sorry, oh, but you know what it's a legit treatment Yeah, sure Yeah, her her response was I mean I didn't really think I didn't mean like you should get shocked therapy I just meant that they used to give people like you shock therapy But you don't need it. I was gonna say the bottomy bad I didn't want to use a big word around you
Starting point is 00:37:23 Hey, thank you. And then Catherine was like, well, it's pathetic and it's immature and inappropriate. And then it goes, I agree with you. And Catherine was like, oh, she's like, some include to abandon just agree with whatever Catherine says. And she won't know what to do. Yeah. Then you could see Catherine and her mind just watching a tennis game between arm and arm. It's like the equivalent of when Randi quay went into the middle of that,
Starting point is 00:37:51 like blew up his spaceship in the middle of the big spaceship in Independence day. It's like landed shots and like right into the core of Catherine. She was like, um, um, um, in the explosion. It's like everything's giving it the quaid household where Randy is like trying to get one up on Dennis, but he's always Randy, you know. Wait, so which one is, so, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, Dennis, so I guess Meg left yet and Dennis is like yeah, at least I can still get it up But Randy's just like arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm I'm going to go grow a crazy beard and protest something. So we figured it out. Catherine Dennis is basically the, she basically embodies the spirit of randy quid. So then we start getting into the alphabet thing again, because Catherine's already been like, they were saying I was doing x, on the LGBT and the TMZ, Andy.
Starting point is 00:39:09 And then Thomas is like, well, me and Shep, the problem we suffer from is the ABC condition. I'm like, what's that Thomas? And he's like, the agent bachelor condition. Oh, yeah, I've still got it. And he's like, Asian bachelor condition. I love that too. Oh, yeah. Still got it. And he's like Asian bachelor condition. I love that too. Oh, aging, never mind. He's like Asian bottom condition. That's like, oh, Asian bottoms. Sorry. You take so much crap on this. So Austin is like, I don't
Starting point is 00:39:42 know who cares. So be yourselves. Austin, like literally don't care. Close your mouth, please. So why did Cam fuck with Chef and Chelsea? And she's like, I didn't mean to you. Wait, what was this? I literally have no idea where you are. Like what you sort of a Cam tried to fuck Chelsea? Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.
Starting point is 00:40:07 But come on, someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.
Starting point is 00:40:36 We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Did you say that? Um, no, no. Cam tried to fuck with Shepp and Chelsea.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Oh, I was like, what? You guys, you can tell when I'm finding a good deal, because I'm just like making things up. I'm like, and then many mouths. And many mouths started taking a lot of class and Donald that blue himself, like what? You're just going to start incorporating various Amazon prime deals into the banter.
Starting point is 00:41:25 You're just gonna start incorporating various Amazon Prime deals into the banter. You're just gonna be like, and then Camry found a plush pop-up and put on some cactus trinkets and... It's not gonna get any sense. Yeah, it doesn't. So it was they start going into chef They're like oh Austin you're here and you're orange. Okay, let's go talk to chef now Well, because Austin has this big line prepared. He's like well, I'm a hopeless romantic not a helpless romantic It's like okay, hmm close your mouth. How about you wipe the spit foam off the corners of your mouth? That would be great also He also well chef by the way, defense himself by being garsh. We're both avable, gregarious guys. And you can see Craig is
Starting point is 00:42:10 getting so furious. Why did they keep using his giant words? But then Austin, it turns out, Austin, what does gregarious pet have anything to do with this? I like that. Craig knows who Gregory Peck is but not with Gagarius means I love Gregory Peck. Okay, I'll amend that. Why does he keep bringing him up? Gagarius George that little bucket's always getting into trouble. Why is he always bringing up Gagarius Clooney? I mean, we like yarn, everything, but like that just been over. So they start on, they start on chip, I say, well, I just wanted to say that I was really amused that Austin is no longer with his beer company because they basically tried
Starting point is 00:42:59 to send him down to Savannah. And even Austin's like, listen, I may be the dullest person on southern charm, but even I will not go on southern charm Savannah No, I will leave this job He's like they wanted me to hang out with that dude who makes socks like you fucking kidding me No, I just can't go down there because apparently someone said that they make beer there before they can even walk in the South I don't get it They have two hour parties in Barness like no I'm not going back. I'm just concerned because I was told that if I move down there I'm gonna have to start like hauling
Starting point is 00:43:30 luggage for Delta. How dare you I'm sorry that I work for a living. How could you come down here to do beer stuff when I do beer I drink beer And you didn't even ask me if you want for advice on how to do sell and beer beer in survey now This is how I pay my livelihood This beer pays for easy I'm having a gola woman come over and exercise you Now let's go swimming So they start giving chef alcoholism issue, you know, questions. And Andy's like, so how did working to the beach move or how did moving to the beach workout for you?
Starting point is 00:44:11 Chef, are you less of an alcoholic? And chefs like, yeah, because the bars at the beach close at 11. So I can't be out drinking all night. Thomas says, man, it just drinks in the day. Oh, yeah. Zinger, that's what we call a long house Zinger and I like to Andy then read this other question where he's like bitchy poodle on Twitter says you know that they only asked that question just so they could say
Starting point is 00:44:41 bitchy poodle bitchy poodle on the social media says, Cameron's like, yes, you said my name. So yeah, it goes into chefs alcoholism. And then Andy, and he's like, let's get quiet now, guys. So chef, let's talk about when Cameron found you in your bed. They're like, don't don't don't. I'm sure it's the first time Shep slept till what in the afternoon. And I love that they're making this like, Shep is now a heroin addict. They found us some crackhouse somewhere missing an arm without even feeling it. Like, he slept till one. I'm pretty sure this happens every day, okay.
Starting point is 00:45:26 Yeah. It's literally like they just found him on skid row, you know, and they're like re-having him. Like, Chef, can you tell us about your terrible journey? It's like, Garsha, I want to see it before and Garsha, I woke up at one. On accident, I said, hey, Siri, set an alarm for one PM instead of one AM.
Starting point is 00:45:46 Like, um, why would you be waking up at what AM? So I don't know. Of course, I'm just trying to live out loud. Garg, I don't know what to do. Should I go to a monastery and collect bees and make honey? Garg, gosh. And Catherine says, well, I think that people just like to project their own problems onto others. Yes. That great problem that Cameron has of over sleeping till 1 p.m.
Starting point is 00:46:10 She's jealous. Cameron's jealous. Cameron's like, walkin' he's sleep till 1 p.m. And I can't. So, Shep's like, look Andy, here are garsh guys. Let me just have a moment of garsh, okay, guys. I chose to explore that part of myself and I allowed it to be shown and to be honest on television because it helps me change,
Starting point is 00:46:34 which is why my face is really dried out and drunk and my eyes are half closed and I combed my hair with spit. I'm really changing, guys. They're like, wow, it's totally working, Chef. Get out of here. He's like, have I showed enough contrition because I have to go there's a Spanish verb tenses book on Amazon Prime Day for sale for eight dollars, garbage buy audio. I mean, am I supposed to
Starting point is 00:46:56 join a monastery? Gorse. That's what Pablo Cuelo consider doing. In fact, when he was accused of being a hero in that it because he slept till one Okay, so we got it. I can do the monastery look. It'll just be like pillars of the earth, which we all read I'm assuming right right no guys am I a collo or a K. Low. What do you think? You're a K. No, you're you're a straight-up K. No, so then Craig and he's like I feel like when he yells at us he's yelling at himself. Ships like Garcicobabble. So this show's getting so deep.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Rich dad poor dad in my right Craig Gars. So Catherine, now we move on to Catherine. Now Thomas has had a blow job or things he's about to get a blow job. He's, you know, Catherine and Thomas love these reunions because Catherine's going to pretend she's nice. Thomas is going to pretend he doesn't have like coke and rage issues and everything's gonna be great, but then they start yelling at each other and then they fucking the bathroom. So that's pretty much the beginning of that. The babies are mad, yeah. And he's like, so Catherine, drug addict, etc. and Thomas is like, yeah, smiling at her
Starting point is 00:48:16 like, that's my girl over there. And he's and he goes, it's really nice to see all your hard work pay off, Catherine. How did it pay off? Now she's in the center of a couch. Last year, she was at the edge of the couch by you and the Vanderpromp seat. Now she stuck in the Goddamn center, you know, sharing shoulders with people. It didn't work out. Yeah, I'm like, it was the hard work.
Starting point is 00:48:40 The 30 days of rehab for marijuana. Is that what he's talking about? Oh my God, that got so crazy. Yeah, it's like, I've been sober eight months, and there's fake news out there questioning me, fake news, hashtag CNN vise. Yeah, and Andy's just like stoned as hell. He's like, how much longer do we have to talk about rehab?
Starting point is 00:49:00 Okay, so Catherine, then she starts talking about her rehab journey a little bit and she's like, um, I learned rehab that the world can be so cruel, so so cruel, what a terrible world and they just kept on cutting to land in like a representative of the cruel world. The cruel world as personified by land and clements. That was so funny and by this trying to be nice to you but she's doing that little squinty thing with her eyes where she's like like that's the center eyes make like a gardener a few blocks away. Why must you we'd whack it all times and she goes I don't want to be a victim about this and my aunt is like furrowed stress brow You know there's just these dynamics to it Dynamics it exists and I can't say it and she's pointing to land in like with her finger behind her cheek like she doesn't want land And he's like well remember when you failed that drug test
Starting point is 00:50:10 Why didn't you just admit it? She's like that info was in a closed sealed case and it was leaked Like it wasn't leaked okay Well, it was leaked in the reunion and Well, I was leaked in the reunion and And that lamb is like whenever Oh, no she does that hand thing works. You go flick of the hand and she goes don't talk yet Yeah, because land because essentially Catherine says that land it was it was closed It was it was private information. It was in a closed court case, document, etc. And that land in it found out about it because I guess Thomas had shown her. And so that land came on to the reunion and told everyone about the that she failed the drug test.
Starting point is 00:50:55 And land in is the one that put it out there, but land is like, I read it on the internet. And then even Andy was like, I'm pretty sure it was on the internet before the reunion I'm glad there was not having it. Yeah, and land and land is like don't call me a liar I am really getting sick of being called a liar by you Okay, go back to the way back machine. I don't think your rehab was real worthy the way back machine. I don't think you rehab was real worthy. And it's not hard to see who's really a fault here because you got charming mat lock over there like possum mat lock. He's like, well, I think that someone just hurled your lawyer talk about it
Starting point is 00:51:37 or something. Someone who's named maybe DJ, which is JD and pig like, oh, I guess I just let it out, but good old D. Someone an entry J urban bay may have heard something and you know, once that fun, fun, gentry bourbon starts flowing, it's hard to keep any secret. Am I right? Am I right? I'll just add this, Andy. My neighbor did not commit that murder. Okay, Matt Lock. So, uh, landed. The next question is so landing. Remember when you said Catherine only went to rehab in Malibu to find a new rich man to make her victim? And she's like, yeah, well, I said that because I meant it. And she she posed and then there she goes. She posed it 4 a.m. with some dude in the Maserati. How was that a diss?
Starting point is 00:52:26 Yeah, well it was this whole thing there was a lot of chaos because even before that question there was this great interaction between Catherine and Landon were at one point. So you know, with Catherine saying that it's accusing Landon of being the leaker and then Trab is Trab and Landon are like no, the only is on the internet. And then Catherine goes, why is everyone attacking me right now, which is a classic Catherine because she does love to like, Catherine goes in for the attack, which is always entertaining for us, but sometimes I question, you know, it's weird. I tend to believe her, but I sometimes think that she gets her facts wrong with other things. And in this case, she was him you're so you are really so so then Landon is Landon's like trying to defend
Starting point is 00:53:09 herself I just love the characters goes arm I'm not asking you are you Andy goodbye mmm I'm so so that is so that is the way you said by like what are you in the 711 and I'm a Zorati with the hot rich guy Yeah, so now but here land in the dumb because you know because land and did say that comment of like which was pretty rude about that She's only going to rehab to meet like a rich guy in California
Starting point is 00:53:36 And so when Catherine confronts her about it land and should have been like you know what? I'm sorry. We were in a bad place. It was a caddy comment. That's it But instead land is like You did post a photo with a guy who was like shirtless with a mazerotti So and the cat was like um was like in the photo. She's like no But she's like so what's the point like I can't take a picture of a guy like you don't even know the situation I was like Catherine's right Yes, but I do like when Landon takes responsibility for stuff. She's like, I meant that she's a loser because she's a loser and a user
Starting point is 00:54:10 That's what I meant. Is that what I said? Because that's what I meant. Do you want me to write it down? Could you not hear what I said or And then she realizes that she sounds like a bitch so then she'll start pretending to cry that she sounds like a bitch, so then she'll start pretending to cry. She's like, ah! I'm just like, are you laughing, crying, or did you eat too many whole fish?
Starting point is 00:54:31 And now you're like trying to digest what's happening. I'm just under a lot of stress. I'm just trying to launch my new website. It's called amazon.com. I wanna have a website called Prime Day. I don't have a website called Prime Day. So then Andy's like, so Catherine, why did you order a margarita if you were supposedly sober and Catherine's like, erm, well first of all, even though I ordered it, while I was drinking then and was fine, but even though I ordered it, I did not have a single sip of
Starting point is 00:55:03 that margarita. I'm like, that's strange. Why would you order it then? Yeah, the afternoon is a bad liar, she's like, I just really wanted to show people that, you know, I'm okay and that I'm healthy and that I'm doing what's right. Like, and then stop shaking your head. It's very distracting. Says the woman dressed in a full-on rose bouquet.
Starting point is 00:55:29 You look like a bus from bachelor paradise crashed into a saloon. You literally looked like the flower district in downtown Los Angeles. You you look like you should be on wheels going through Pasadena on January Okay, so I'm trying to get here So I don't have a sip and stop shaking your head land and my mind is like I can do whatever I want She goes out of respect. She goes, oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:56:08 Out of respect, stop shaking your head. At the ridiculous excuse, you just came up with about why you're not drinking. Why you ordered a margarita, but then you didn't have a sip. I mean, this is like, do we not remember Bill Clinton? Like, I didn't inhale. That's like, what this is, right? I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Starting point is 00:56:28 And now nobody considers the blowjob sex. It's like it changed the entire landscape, Catherine. Okay, stop getting people back on the sauce. So, Landon's like, I mean, my head's not shaking, but you just said that you were sober, but then you said that you were drinking. So you just lied right now, just because my rehab was Mary Jane, okay? It was Mary,
Starting point is 00:56:52 Wana. It was not anything else. That was my thing, marijuana. And I use it to detach from reality. It's so hard to talk about. It is not hard to talk about marijuana, okay? And everyone knows you didn't go to rehab for marijuana, everybody knows you were co-cad and so was Thomas and Thomas went to jail for it. You went on Instagram a few months ago and you said, that lady you saw at the bar with Thomas is his co-dealer.
Starting point is 00:57:18 So let's not pretend that this is just all Zimas and marijuana. Yeah, brownies and more brownies. And then Thomas flirted in his way and he went, well, I'd just like to note that I scored higher on my blood alcohol than she did. So I absolve her of that. Did you hear that? I use absolve correctly.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Consider that you Valentine's Day card, madame. So then we have a scene of that like heart-wrenching scene of Kinsey wanting to go home with Catherine and but she can't, she's not allowed. So now Catherine's like crying and she's like, «Urm, it's hard. I've lost trust in everyone. Urm, what I've gone through. It's been so intense.
Starting point is 00:57:58 And she's like, «Landen, why are you crying? And she's like, «Urm, I just feel so sad to be lonely like that is so sad I just feel bad for her. I'm like You were just yelling at her two minutes ago. What is wrong with you crazy lady? It made me feel sad that she can't trust people. Everyone needs a bomb and Oh, everyone needs a bam. And then the Catherine's like, well, it's not that I don't trust people because I'm not cynical. I just can't have shifting oil teas. We saw it with our finger thing.
Starting point is 00:58:34 I'm pointing at my cheek, but it's really up. I'm not going to say her name. I'm not going to mention her name, but she gave a distorted. Oh, no, no. It wasn't thought. Yeah, she was talking about stately. She gave a distorted deposition. And Andy's like, you mean snow then. So then when we come back to knowns out there, and poor thing doesn't even fit on the couch, and not because she's big, just because they don't have enough catch for her. So they
Starting point is 00:58:58 pull up like a chair. She looks like she's been relegated to the kids table. Well, what's also funny too is, you know, the way they do these couches is that they put people on opposite couches who are like against other people. So there were so many people on the opposite couch from Katherine. Yeah, they could have just put her on the Katherine couch because like, no. They should have, yeah, they should have just had Katherine sit like on the floor in the middle Indian style. Yeah. Catherine sit like on the floor in the middle Indian style. I can just ram Robin Catherine. So Snowden comes out. We hear that her baby boy is doing well, which is really good.
Starting point is 00:59:31 And then we revisit one of the most iconic moments of the past 10 years, the handkerchief. And we like have like the flashback of like Snowden crying about her baby and Thomas handy's like, yeah, I'll have this handcut ship. She's like, it's probably her mess. And then it's like the most benign clip ever. That's caused this massive rift in this friendship.
Starting point is 00:59:57 That is that will always be hilarious to be that hankerchief drama. And she's like, but shifting for wildties. And also Andy, you know, he always starts with the soft balls and he's like, well, how's the baby? He's like, he's meeting all his milestones, Andy. He has surgery to put his brain back in his
Starting point is 01:00:14 skull. They put a close up on Craig's face and he's like, who doesn't have their brain in their head? That's disgusting. Wow. Is that now? It's like it's you, Craig. It's you. So, uh, Catherine's like, I saw it as just the hanker chief as a gesture of shifting loyalty. You can only take so much from Thomas. And it was a race. And she proved it.
Starting point is 01:00:46 She valued his friendship more than mine. And he's like, well, let me explain this now. Now, I took a 180 on snowden. OK. I got downs in my life these days. I got a downs brother in my life these days. And when you're going to have a baby with Downs, they tell you to have an abortion. And when she didn't do that my loyalty's changed because I saw her as a good person before the reunion and also someone who could possibly
Starting point is 01:01:12 babysit my brother without complaining asking for extra money It's like oh geez. Did they is is is is asher does he have Down syndrome? I don't know I don't I don't know Didn't say that yeah, maybe just saying about birth defects. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't know. I'm saying that. I didn't say that. Yeah, maybe just saying about birth defects. I don't know. It just seemed like a strange. I, I, I mean, I think it's noble. I think it's definitely noble if, if you know, your, your child has birth defects or whatever. And you're like, no, I'm still gonna, I'm, I'm not going to give up on this child. I think it's noble. But like, if there was someone that I really didn't like and they gave birth to a child who had birth to defects,
Starting point is 01:01:48 I'd be like, you know, that's actually really respectable. I said, I don't like you, but that's respectable, you know? Yeah, of course. Yeah, so I, I'm just teasing him about it because he's Thomas. I did one thing. Yeah, he's like, well, she had a damn, she had a damn baby. You know what it's like trying to keep a brain in the school
Starting point is 01:02:05 Now let me tell you a story about a bridge I Thought that when he said I did a 180. I thought that might have been slang for some sort of crack Yeah, I went down and I found a found some gentleman in the south side of Charleston And you know, I did a 180 if you know what I'm'm saying. Thomas just admitted to doing a 180, a 180 of X, Y, Z. I'm putting it on TMZ. Tell them about my THC. So it's known it's like, there was nothing shifting.
Starting point is 01:02:36 Okay, there was no shifting nothing. And captain's like, well, but then they did because it happened a month ago, because you took a deposition and you told distorted lies fake news. Snowden since Snowden seen and I think and it's notice like are you insinuating that I lied under oath? And the captain's like perhaps I am erm
Starting point is 01:03:00 perhaps when I learned what insinuating means, I will be doing that. What does it say, dissing me? Like, oh, it think it's when you like sin and you wait at the same time, you do it inside. Some things you're like insinuating. Like you're waiting and sin. Yeah, it's like when you're fucking a girl named sin.
Starting point is 01:03:21 You're, but you're waiting also to finish. so it's like, in Sin you're waiting. You're like, babe, could you get off my dick and get me some cheese? Oh, Mac, am I right? Have you ever taken to gender class? Oh my God, so fascinating. Women's gender. So then Catherine drives the shut it all down and being like, we can't talk about this and she's like, I'm not under your gag order. I was like, who's not in like that?
Starting point is 01:03:49 Yes, no one's going for the goal today, but then she's like, well fine then maybe you should talk about stuff Like for Catherine, but Catherine is staying pretty calm at this point. I'm a press Consider Catherine Catherine. Yes. Yeah, she's like, well, it was about things that I need that they said. And I'm not going to spread her business here because I know that I told the truth. I know. And Catherine's like, it hurt me. I had flashbacks to being on the phone with you here. And you heard Thomas say the worst things about me. And then you went in court and said, he's a good father. And those are my babies. And that is a lie. And she's like, well, then why didn't your lawyers ask me good questions about you your lawyer could have said he's Catherine nice not gonna you know a lot about YouTube being a good mom you know you you could have made my last
Starting point is 01:04:31 fair you were just crediting yourself okay none of this makes sense yeah, so, so Catherine, uh, is like perpetuated a rumor about Snowden's baby daddy and sort of knives or whatever. And, um, I like the cat. Snowden's like Catherine chooses her words carefully, so she doesn't have to let call bubble. The cat's like Okay, great. Uh-huh. And they cut the craggle and like, uh And she's like, we're garrious. Gosh huh and she's like, we're garyous. Gosh. So, I got into hope of all, like, what are you trying to trick me now? Craig's like, that's a sewing pattern. And she's like, Oh, god damn. Well,
Starting point is 01:05:16 but hey, she you were the one who was spreading rumors. And she's like, what? I'm a mother. I wouldn't spread a rumor. I guess you did. You were, you were insinuating that Thomas fathered my son. She goes, well, I did do that. But then says, will you say, will you say you're sorry? She goes, well, I didn't say it. When I said there was a question about it. And I said, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:05:43 And then suddenly it's like I did it. Is that where you were just talking about? Yes, that's fine. You had more detail on it. But then what I liked was that Catherine Denton pulls like the classic Real Housewives line which is I didn't spread a rumor. I repeated it to someone. It's different.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Who was doing, who got caught up in that recently? They got caught up in it so badly. Was it um was it in Beverly Hills? It was. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, I didn't say it. I just repeated it. I think it was Beverly Hills. I thing on Beverly Hills or when Durinda Oh, I don't know. I don't need to know. It's hard to remember. It's like trying to remember who said I don't remember on a Bravo show I know they all just say that now. Oh, you know, it was it was really house of Atlanta And all the candy stuff and for sure was like I wasn't spreading it. I was just repeating it. Oh yeah, exactly. It was a weird industry. So let me ask you, man. Yes. What do you think about the Snowden situation? Because I always thought that was just stupid,
Starting point is 01:06:54 you know, Thomas fathering Snowden's baby and stuff. But Snowden's acting kind of fishy here. Now she could be acting fishy because it's totally mortifying. She just had a baby and she's got this new or new-ish husband. But it does seem kind of weird that she's acting fishy. And then she's like, but you weren't told me you don't, but you weren't truthful with me because you told me it apart. You had a party and that you guys stayed up super late and then Thomas stayed over with you. And he goes, yeah, but we didn't do anything. And she says, I don't even remember that. Yeah, they both, that's right. They have, I noticed that they had two different responses. That was a little fishy.
Starting point is 01:07:30 Yeah, I mean, Catherine said, and Thomas, you told me that you slept in her bed and he's like, now, look, I stayed out all night because Catherine stayed out all night. And I just wanted her to know how it feels insinuating that he just lied to her to make her jealous because he was sick of her trying to make him jealous or whatever. And then she goes, that is a lie. And he goes, you want to do this? Because we could go to court right now. She's like, we do go to court. Like we're in court every day, every day. And he said, but I thought we were going to sign that agreement where you promised to be nice and play nice with daddy and daddy would let you drive the minivan He's like, well, I'm the one who filed the motion. He's like, you want to keep this up missy?
Starting point is 01:08:11 It can get ugly and then he does his like old man like my lips were inside of my mouth there and I'm steaming mad And for the more is that a poncho? Um, it's a cape Um, it's a cape. Um, I don't know, I mean, I don't know, I don't know if Thomas is the father. That's a big, big leap. It's one thing to say that maybe Thomas knows how to think, because they have had a thing
Starting point is 01:08:38 in the past to say he's the actual father. I don't know, but I guess we'll have to see what Asher looks like as he grows up. Yeah, if he looks like a possum, you know, threatening to eat all your trash. If you start speaking really bad French in mirrors, then we'll have an idea that perhaps he is. Well, that brings us to the end of this Sucka Band. We did it. So everyone, thanks for listening. And we'll be back with some real house was in New York City, Miami, and even furthermore, go buy those L.A. tickets! Yay! Watch our crapens.com. Y'all gonna get you some tickets. Yeah. All right, bye everyone.
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